FEELS LIKE FOREVER

EXT. PARK - DAY

ON A PHONE SCREEN: a wallpaper pic of a smiling YOUNG WOMAN’s

face. BLEEDURP! -- A TEXT MESSAGE and HEART EMOJI pops up
over it: “LOVE YOU! CAN’T WAIT TILL TOMORROW!”

CARLOS (20s/30s) sits on a bench, smiling at his phone.

Sitting beside him: RAY, same age, gulping from a thermos.
Carlos stares up at the sun and wipes his sweaty brow.

PHONE SCREEN: Another message: “DON’T FORGET TO HYDRATE!”

with a WINK EMOJI. Carlos chuckles and turns to Ray:

CARLOS
Yo, lemme hit that.

RAY
No, no, don’t. I uh... gotta cold.

Carlos skeptical. That seemed improvised! He grabs the

thermos from Ray (who lunges drunkenly to stop him) and puts
it up to his lips -- CRINGING at an obviously strong stench:

CARLOS
Really?! It’s ten AM!

RAY
(grabs it back)
At least one of us is getting drunk
before he loses his best friend.

CARLOS
Okay, wow. It all comes out now.
The day before.

RAY
She’s gonna suck everything out of
you. And not in a good way.

CARLOS
Uh huh. Keep going. I wanna hear
this.

RAY
Please, for once, just trust your
dick, man. Or at least trust mine.
Stay single!

CARLOS
You mean join the “die early”
club--?

--Thrusting his phone in Ray’s face as he scrolls to...

 2.

A PIC ON THE SCREEN: A BAR GRAPH titled “LIFESPAN.” It shows

one bar (”MARRIED”) much taller than the other (”SINGLE”).

RAY
Why do you have that on your
phone?! What are you any more?

CARLOS
Your dick lies. Statistics don’t.
Married people live longer.

RAY
Yeah -- cause it feels like forever
once she’s got her fangs in you.

CARLOS
Naw, man. Liana’s not like that.

Ray points to their left at someone unseen:

RAY
See that guy? That’s you in three
years.

CARLOS
Pfft. No.

Now walking by their bench: A PASSERBY (M, 30s/40s), pale and

tired looking, with a large, handwritten sign around his neck
that says, “I LOADED THE DISHWASHER WRONG.” Ray nods at him:

RAY
Yo, man. Can I ask you something?

The Passerby stops, his expression blank. He just nods.

RAY (CONT’D)
How many years you been married?

Carlos nervous. The Passerby stares into space. Thinks hard.

PASSERBY
Oh. Um. Three.

Ray smirks at Carlos.

PASSERBY (CONT’D)
... Three hundred years.
 3.

RAY
Woah! I rest my case. See? That
shit feels like an eternity! Dude’s
lost track of time!
(to passerby;
melodramatically)
Thank you, kind sir, you’ve been
most helpful.

The Passerby nods politely, revealing:

HIS SMILE: his VAMPIRE FANGS now visible.

Ray and Carlos FLINCH.

CARLOS
Okay, so he’s not a valid example.

TITLE/CREDITS (SUPER) ROLL as --

CARLOS (CONT’D)
And, no offense, but you mighta
chose the wrong woman.

PASSERBY
Not exactly “chose.” She hypnotized
me into proposing to her and
then...

He points at 2 BITE MARKS (previously unseen) on his neck.

PASSERBY (CONT’D)
... you know.

CARLOS
(to Ray)
Okay, so that-- that’s an
atypically domineering
relationship--

PASSERBY
--It’s actually more common than
you’d think. There’s a support
group I go to on Thursdays and--

CARLOS
--Yeah, yeah, very nice.
(to Ray)
My point is, Liana would never do
that to me. She’s a werewolf.
RAY
Really? She hides it so well.
 4.

CARLOS
She got very good at waxing.
(raises eyebrow slyly)
Does it for me, know what I mean?

PASSERBY
You should marry her. She sounds
like a goddess.

CARLOS
She is. Plus, she’d never make me
wear a freakin’ who-knows-what-the-
hell-dishwasher-sign-that-is.

PASSERBY
Have you... been living with her?

CARLOS
(nervous breath)
Well, not like, “long-term,” yet.

PASSERBY
Do you... stick cups in the bottom
rack?

Carlos silent. He gulps.

Ray offers him the thermos.

Carlos grabs it.

THE END