The following e-mail from Avianca Keller, the vice president of employee relations, seeks to

help supervisors and managers write safe and helpful performance reviews.
Your Task. Analyze the problematic e-mail. List at least five weaknesses. Pay special
attention to its tone. Your instructor may ask you to revise the e-mail so that it reflects some
of the writing techniques you learned in this chapter. How can you make this e-mail more
courteous, positive, concise, precise, and audience centered? Your instructor may ask you to
revise this message as a collaboration project using Google Docs or Word’s Track Changes
and Comment features.

To: All Supervisors and Departmental Managers

From: Avianca Keller <akeller@rubin.com>
Subject: Legally Risky Employee Evaluations

All,
Although it pains me to do this, I must warn you all that recently one of our
employees filed a lawsuit against the company because of comments a supervisor
made during a performance evaluation. This did not have to happen. Look, people,
you must be smarter!
Because none of you are dense, here are suggestions you must share with all
supervisors and managers regarding companywide evaluations:
 It goes without saying that you cannot accurately evaluate an employee’s
performance unless you have a system to measure that performance. That’s
why the obvious very first step is developing performance standards and goals
for each employee. To be effective, these standards and goals must be shared
with the employee. However, don’t do it orally. Do it in writing.

 The performance of each employee must be monitored throughout the year.

Keep a log for each worker. Note memorable incidents or projects in which he
was involved. But don’t just keep favorable comments. I know that many of you
are understandably averse to placing negative comments in an employee’s file.
However, MAN UP! Even negative comments must be included as part of the
evaluation process.

 Once a year each employee must be formally evaluated in a written performance

appraisal—yes, I do mean written! In a face-to-face meeting, let the employee
know what you think they did well and in what areas the employee may be able
to improve. Be specific, give deadlines, be honest, and be realistic.
Giving evaluations can be difficult. With careful preparation, however, the process
can be smooth and safe. Don’t allow yourself or the company to get involved in any
more legal ramifications.
Avianca Keller
Vice President, Employee Relations
akeller@rubin.com
______________________________________________________________________________
List at least five weaknesses.
a. Include a negative, menacing subject line (Legally Risky Employee Evaluation
b. Opens negatively with a warning (Although it pains me to do this, I must warn you
all)
c. Uses preachy, scolding tone (Look, people, you must be smarter)
d. Continues negativity (Because none off you are dense)
e. Emphasizes what can’t be done rather than what should be done (You cannot
accurately evaluate an employee’s performance unless… don’t just keep favorable
comments)
f. Fails to employ courtesy in making requests and misuses the formal word
ramifications (Don’t allow yourself or the company to get involved in any more legal
ramifications)
g. Uses gender bias (worker…he, MAN UP) and an unprofessional tone
h. Does not promote the “you” view by explaining how this information can benefit the
readers and make their lives easier
- Negative Tone: The email starts with a negative tone by stating that it "pains" the
sender to address the issue. This creates an immediate negative impression and may
make recipients defensive.
- Obligation9 Tone: The email use phrases such as “must”, “don’t” too frequently,
which can lead the tone to be intense and the receiver will have the feeling of being
disrespected and being ordered of doing something
- Informal phrase: The phrase such as "MAN UP!" and “Look, people” are
unprofessional and uses gender-specific language. Such language can create
discomfort and undermine the credibility of the message
- Full of assumption and accusation: The initial email assumes that the recipients are
not smart enough and places blame on them for the issue. Instead, the revised email
should avoid making assumptions and focus on addressing the situation
collaboratively.
- Unprofessional Greetings: The email begins with "All," which is quite impolite. The
revised email should address the recipients by beginning with “Dear” or use a more
appropriate greeting to establish a stronger respect and politeness towards the
recipients.
 In summary, the email could be improved by adopting a more positive and
empathetic tone, avoiding assumptions about the recipients' knowledge, offering
specific guidance, and using professional and inclusive language. Providing context
and explaining the reasoning behind the recommendations could also enhance the
recipients' understanding and engagement.
Important Notice: Guidelines for Organization-wide Performance Evaluations

Dear All Supervisors and Departmental Managers,

I hope that you are doing well. Regrettably, I must inform you of a recent
occurrence that has compelled me to address a crucial matter regarding our
performance evaluation procedures. I bring to your attention with a sorrowful
heart that one of our employees has initiated legal action against the company in
response to comments made by a supervisor during a performance review. This
regrettable situation could have been avoided, and it is imperative that we take
preventative measures in the future to prevent similar occurrences. In the future,
let us all aspire for a more prudent approach.
I encourage each of you to consider the following suggestions and ensure that
the employees are communicated to all supervisors and administrators within the
organization, as they pertain to our organization-wide evaluation procedure:

- Recognize that an accurate evaluation of an employee's performance requires

a well-defined system for measuring that performance. Consequently, the first
stage is to establish comprehensive performance standards and objectives for
each employee. It is crucial that these standards and objectives are not only
established but also communicated to the employee in a clear manner. To
ensure effectiveness, I urge that this communication be documented in writing
instead of conveyed verbally.
- Continuous Employee Performance Monitoring: Throughout the year, it is
essential to thoroughly monitor the performance of each employee. Maintain
a detailed log for each employee, noting significant incidents and initiatives in
which they participated. This list should include both positive and negative
examples. I realize that many of you may be reluctant to record negative
comments in an employee's personnel file. However, I encourage you to face
this difficulty. It is essential that all aspects of an employee's performance,
including deficiencies, are taken into account during evaluation.
- Annual Written Evaluation of Performance: Every employee is required to
undergo a formal written performance evaluation once a year. This evaluation
should be conducted via a face-to-face meeting in which you provide
constructive feedback on the employee's accomplishments and potential
areas for growth. Specificity is essential; provide precise feedback, set
attainable goals, and communicate deadlines. In these evaluations, I
emphasize the importance of honesty and realism.

I recognize that providing evaluations can be a challenging endeavor. However,

with careful planning and attention to detail, we can expedite the procedure and
protect ourselves and the business from any potential legal complications.

Let us proceed with caution and dedication to these guidelines. By doing so, we
can ensure a more streamlined, secure evaluation procedure that upholds our
values and fosters a harmonious workplace.

Best regards,

Dear Everyone,

It is with regret that I must bring this matter to your attention, but I must inform
you of a recent development. One of our employees has filed a lawsuit against the
company in response to comments made by a supervisor during a performance
review. This circumstance could have been completely avoided. It is imperative that
we act with increased caution.
Given my confidence in your abilities and comprehension, I would like to make the
following suggestions regarding companywide evaluations that should be shared
with all supervisory and managerial levels:

• It is self-evident that an accurate evaluation of an employee's performance is

impossible in the absence of a well-defined measurement system. Consequently,
the first stage should consist of establishing performance standards and objectives
for each employee. These benchmarks must be conveyed in writing to the
employee to ensure their effectiveness.

• Throughout the year, continuous surveillance of each employee's performance is

essential. It is advisable to keep detailed records on each employee, highlighting
significant incidents or initiatives in which they were involved. Both positive and
negative aspects must be documented. While reluctance to document negative
aspects is understandable, it is essential to address them as part of the evaluation
process.

• Each employee must undergo an annual formal evaluation through a written

performance evaluation — a written one. During a face-to-face meeting,
communicate your observations regarding the employee's strengths and areas for
improvement. Be specific, establish deadlines, maintain integrity, and establish
reasonable expectations.

Certainly, conducting evaluations can be difficult. However, with meticulous

planning, the procedure can be carried out smoothly and securely. We cannot
afford any additional legal consequences for ourselves or the company.

Sincere regards,