Well what can be said, we lost again at Thorpe
Green against bottom of the league Elland BC,
well they are probably no longer bottom of the
league now they have played us.
We had just four winners and lost on aggregate
217/178
The last time we played Elland was back in May
at The Albion near Brighouse, they again won
the game but it was a little closer than it was this
time, with our diminishing synergy, people
disappearing after the first match to go to
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caravans and to top it all off Bimbo having the
sh*ts well we got thrashed
Above is the scores from the last occasion we
played them (note Shawy was since renamed
Goulash and Jimmy renamed Magyar).
Match Commentary
Since I won a game two matches ago I have
gone downhill fast, The Knight Rider says I have
the wrong attitude, I go on expecting to lose
instead of expecting to win.
I started off okay until it was the 11th end and I
was down 6/11 and struggling, instead of
shrugging off my loss I put my head down and
started sulking, that feeling of no matter what I not advise him incorrectly because I am a bit
do it all goes wrong, and like poetic justice it did scared of him.
and my opponent “K Vickerman” got three easy “All he can do is prop!” shouted Elma when his
twos on the trot, he would of got another if I opponent bowled a bowl and it gently knocked
hadn’t bowled a fluke and caught him off guard his out of the way.
and scored another to make me 17/8 down. “He shouldn’t need people to shout for him, he’s
Now at this point you would expect me to bowl been bowling long enough” shouted The Knight
the jack off only this time I didn’t but I let him Rider after his dad Elma complained of the lack
get in again and score another two ones. of synergy
Better late than never I managed to score a one
and a two before going to pieces on the 22nd end
and bowling two really short bowls and giving
him the game 21/11.
I reckon I
played so
badly I should
be dropped
next match
but the deputy
captain, “The
Chosen One”,
said we are so
short of
players we
need to scrape
the bottom of
the barrel by playing people like me every
match.
It makes me feel bad though; there is The Knight
Rider and Magyar winning almost every match
propping up crap players like me who wins once The Eskimo’s matched followed Elma and all
every 20 matches. round the green the megaphones were poised
Saying all that though I was surprised to find ready for action, unfortunately I didn’t
that I wasn’t the lowest loser both Happy and the photocopy his score sheet and due to being on
aforementioned “Chosen One” finished up with the green straight after him I didn’t see the
4 and 5 respectively. match, however when I came off after my
Happy’s complaint was that it takes him about beating he was still doing battle and he got his
15 minutes to warm up before the match to full moneys worth finishing with a respectable
which Captain Picard suggested he start doing 19.
warm up exercises by pretending to be a Both Tonto Junior and Billy Bunny played there
elephant? matches concurrently with mine and both
Whilst Derek was doing battle with Erik our finished with 14, I don’t know what it was about
captain told us all off for standing round the people wearing silly hats but I guess with
green like “birds on a wire”, i.e. just watching Tonto’s hat not having a peak he didn’t have the
but not giving any feedback and hence no luxury of switching gear into power mode.
synergy Since I had given The Knight Rider my card, he
TB who was on No11 was on the green as quick returned the favour and gave me his card to mark
as a flash to give Elma the requested feedback with the statement, “Now see how you are
on which bowl was on, it was close and I dare supposed to play bowls”, if you look at the
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scores from the match at Brighouse you will see
that the Knight Rider was playing the same
bloke as he did on that occasion and beat him
21/7, this time it didn’t look quite as promising
since it was the 7th end and KR was losing 3/7
and he had a face like a smacked arse.
Indeed at one point I gave KR a little bit of
feedback, you know trying to keep up the
synergy levels and I thought he was going to
smack me one.
On the 13th end it was 12/7 up and KR said to me
as I marked his card, “Watch this he aint gonna
score again”, and his opponent, “G Knott”
scored another two ones in the next two
consecutive ends.
You can see just how determined KR was for not
just a win but a slice of the sweep and to get
back to that pole position in the averages as he
paced round his bowls as they were measured
like Darth Maul in the star wars episode
Phantom Menace awaiting his fight with the
Jedi.
Apart from a few swearwords which he was
chastised by his opponents marker for and the
fact he kept forgetting the name of who he was
bowling against he stormed off then to a quick
victory with a 21/9 win.
When the Knight Rider is “In The Zone”, he is a
formidable opponent as I just witnessed, he
doesn’t have to resort to little yellow pills, or
lose his head because he bowled a jack and a
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good bowl in someone’s road and had them both
returned like me.
He was even bowling a left hander which you
can no longer rely on following your opponents’
road in when he has the jack.
With Bimbo making apologies for his absence it
was down to one of our most unlikely players to
fill his space at the end of the game.
TB was showing true determination to get one
win under his belt before the season comes to an
end and to show us all that he was still a force to
be reckoned with despite losing 21/1 on two
occasions.
He told me after the game that his opponent “P
Smith” was one of the best players from the
Elland team, in fact he was a county bowler,
well, he lived in a county…
TB showed off some of the best bowling we had
seen him do all season, even The Knight Rider
looked envious at all the attention he was getting
from the crowd.
On one end he placed his first bowl just gently
up to the jack which clearly damaged “P
Smith’s” confidence somewhat since his first
bowl was a yard short.
Billy Bunny shouted to TB to put another where
his first was but Magyar shouted that TB cant
bowl two alike, he was right.
In the end after a good humoured battle TB came
off defeated but elated, it was the second
consecutive match he had got into double figures ▲ 4 3 Almondbury BC 14 9 0 5 133
1
and this time he finished 21/16. ▼ 3 4 Farnley Tyas 14 0 0 4 125
Jokes > 5 5 Primrose Hill Lib 14 8 0 6 111
1
▲ 8 6 Outlane BC 14 4 0 0 106
▼ 6 7 Kirkheaton C&B 14 7 0 7 95
▼ 7 8 Thongsbridge 14 3 0 11 94
1
▲ 10 9 Elland CA&BC 14 4 0 0 90
▼ 9 10 Cowcliffe Lib 14 3 0 11 82
With everyone having played 14 matches each
we are 34 points below the leader, Almondbury
Lib and 29 points above Cowcliffe Lib who
remain at the bottom.
Our final 4 matches are;
30th Aug 08: Cowcliffe at Clayton West
6th Sept 08: Thongsbridge at Linthwaite Hall
13th Sept 08: Outlane at Skelmanthorpe
Windmill and finally,
20th Sept 08: Skelmanthorpe Windmill at
Holmfirth BC, using calculations from last
weeks league positions I think this weeks results
were
Almondbury Lib C 7 Cowcliffe Lib 9
1
Up and down, walking, Skel Windmill 5 Kirkheaton C&BC 1
Often measuring, sometimes chalking Primrose Hill Lib 4 Elland CA&BC 12
Shifting mats - keeping score, Thongsbridge CBC 4 Outlane 12

Thirty ends, maybe more, Farnley Tyas 3 Almondbury BC 13

Aching back - tired of limb, Next season Luke, my son, has said he wants to
Cheers for others, none for him, play, he has been practising quite hard for the
Night draws on, he’s getting slow, last few Thursdays and well if our team is short
No one cares for he’s the Eskimo one week maybe he could step in and our captain
see what he’s like. Hopefully by next season if I
Magyar boards a bus with a bowling wood in am still asked to play my confidence will have
each of his front pockets. improved and my goal will be to win more than I
He sits down next to a beautiful young lady, and lose.
she can’t help but glance quizzically at the man So well I guess that brings to an end another
and his bulging pockets. It’s an uneasy few newsletter, “Pip Trek” our new video is coming
minutes before, finally, Magyar can take no along well and will be available for our last
more. match at Holmfirth on 20th September so at least
“Bowling balls,” he nods reassuringly. you will have something to remember the lovely
The lady seems a little shocked, and stares on. hot bowling summer we have had on them cold
Moments later, she says: “Does it hurt as much dark winter nights.
as tennis elbow?”
League
With just 3 matches remaining we are still firmly
fixed at No5 in the league
Mv LW TW Team Name Plyd W D L Pnts
> 1 1 Almondbury Lib 14 11 0 3 145
> 2 2 Skel Windmill 14 11 0 3 139
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