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13 Signs That He’s Not

Serious About You

By Sabrina Bendory
Updated May 2, 2023

Table of Contents

It’s hard to admit when a guy isn’t serious about you,

especially when you really like him. Usually, you’ll
feel it in your gut but you’ll avoid facing it. When
you’re hopeful about things it’s just easier to make
excuses for his behavior and focus on any shred of
evidence that he likes you enough to take it to the
next level.

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The thing is, he can like you but not want to be in a

serious relationship with you. This is why so many
women get confused. Just because he wants to spend
time with you … he keeps asking you out … he stays
in touch and sends you sweet texts every day … this
doesn’t mean he’s serious about you. These things
mean he’s into you, but they don’t necessarily mean
he sees a long-term future with you.

The only way you can tell if he’s serious or not is to

be objective when it comes to your love life. This is a
tough skill to learn, but it’s very important and can
save you from endless heartache.

Learn more

Being objective means being a bit removed from the

situation, mentally and emotionally. You have to be
able to think about the real relationship that’s right
there in front of you, not the fantasy relationship
you’re hoping for. This means not getting overly
invested in a guy before he’s totally invested in you.

Part of being objective is paying attention to the

signs that he’s not serious about you. Don’t
constantly be on the lookout for them—that creates a
negative mindset—just be aware of what they are and
know that if you see them it’s a red flag because it
means he’s not serious about you.

Signs He’s Not Serious About You

1. You’re not a priority to him
You get bumped for work or friends or family … there
always seems to be something more important than
you. When you’re not a priority and he’s not serious
about you, he’s not going to feel too bad about
keeping you at the bottom of the list.

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If you suggest getting together for something specific

and he says he has to wait to see what’s going on with
a friend who’s not getting back to him, that’s a bad
sign. When he does this it shows that you’re not a
priority, you’re an option.

A man who’s serious about you will make you a

priority. That doesn’t necessarily mean
you’ll always come first, because that’s an
unreasonable expectation. But you will be in the top
spot most of the time, barring something really
important that needs his attention.

2. He doesn’t want to know your “story”

When we like someone, we want to know their story
from front to back, every scar, every triumph, every
tragedy. We can’t get enough and want to know it all.
If he looks away when you tell him your stories or
seems uninterested, like he’s waiting for you to finish,
it’s a bad sign.

When a man likes you, he likes learning about you.

He’ll ask questions and remember the things you’ve
told him. If he’s seriously interested in you, he’ll be
interested in a possible future with you, so naturally,
he’ll want to know all about you. After all, he’ll want
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3. He bails on you frequently

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If he cancels your plans a lot, it shows that he isn’t

concerned with your feelings and he isn’t worried
about messing things up and losing you.

A man who’s serious about you will not only want to

spend time with you (so he won’t cancel, to begin
with) he’ll treat you with respect. That means he
won’t waste your time by agreeing to spend it with
you, then bailing.

A guy who’s serious about you isn’t going to cancel

on you when something “better” comes up, and even
if he’s busy with work he’ll be sure to make time for
you, or at the very least let you know he’s thinking
about you. If he has to cancel on you for some reason,
he’ll feel really bad about it, apologize, and try to
reschedule right away.

4. He doesn’t open up to you

If he doesn’t let you into his inner world and share
himself with you—especially his hopes and dreams
and ambitions—then you’re basically like everyone
else in his life except that you have a physical
relationship.

When a guy cares about a woman, he will open up to

her and show his true self. This means more than
being intimate to a guy.

If you feel like you’re always trying to drag answers

out of him about his past, his family and friends, his
day-to-day life, all to no avail, then he’s not serious.
If he gives you jokey vague answers when you try to
learn his story, or changes the subject, it’s his way of
keeping things casual.

When a guy is serious about you, he’ll not only want

to hear your story, he’ll want to share his.

5. He doesn’t make future plans with you/avoids

talking about the future
If he rarely talks about the future in general, or
doesn’t even make plans for the
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If he’s always booking dates last minute, it means he

doesn’t see you as a priority, doesn’t need to protect
his time with you, and basically sees the relationship
as a day-by-day thing and can end it at any time.

If on the other hand, he’s buying tickets for things

months down the line or planning vacations with
you, it usually means he’s not planning on going
anywhere.

6. He doesn’t want to make it “o!icial”

This is a major area that trips women up. A man says
he doesn’t want to be in an official relationship, but
she hangs around hoping he’ll change his mind.

This is very simple: when a guy says he doesn’t want

to be in a relationship, believe him. If he doesn’t want
to be official, it means he’s okay walking away and
okay with another man sweeping you off your feet.

Maybe he gives you just enough hope to hang onto—

he likes you somewhat after all, enough to spend time
with you. But he doesn’t like you enough to lock you
down and make it official.

If he won’t call you his girlfriend, he’s not serious

about you, plain and simple.

7. He’s not there for you

You just got laid off and he says “I’m sorry, that
sucks” and leaves it at that. You get sick, and he
doesn’t ask if he can bring you anything, or do
anything for you. You tell him you really need help
installing your new AC unit and he tells you to call a
handyman.

The bottom line is he doesn’t support you—not

emotionally when you’re dealing with tough stuff,
and not when you need help with the more practical
things in life. This means he’s not investing in you.
He’s there for some fun, but that’s it.

Another way he’s not there for you is that he can’t

make it to your important events, like birthday
parties and work functions. These types of events are
couple things, and if he’s not serious about you he’s
not going to want to play that role.

If he’s not there to support you physically or

emotionally, he’s not serious about you. Basically,
when the going gets tough … he is nowhere to be
found.

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8. He’s in and out of the relationship

If he goes hot and cold, seeming really into you some
of the time but then disappearing for days at a time,
he’s treating you casually because the relationship is
casual to him.

A lot of women think a man being hot and cold is a

mixed message, but it’s not. It’s one very clear
message: he’s not sure how he feels about you, he’s
not worried about losing you, and he’s definitely not
serious about you.

It’s terrible to have a guy go hot and cold because the

hot feels so good and the cold is so devastating. It can
end up becoming a cycle that you get used to and
can’t bring yourself to shut down because you’re
always waiting for it to get better again … but you
feel bad all the time, even when things are “good,”
because you know it won’t last.

If he’s hot and cold it’s because he’s not sure about
you, and if he’s not sure about you he’s not serious
about you.

9. He won’t delete his dating apps

It doesn’t matter if he tells you he “never checks
them,” the fact that he won’t part with them means
he wants to leave the door open for other
possibilities. This is because he’s not totally sure
about you.

Learn more

When a man is serious about you, he’s going to stop

thinking about other options because he’s found a
woman who has captivated his full attention. A man
who’s determined to keep his dating apps has one
foot out the door.

If you’ve asked him to delete them and he won’t, you

know where you stand. He may still want to spend
time with you or have sex with you, but he doesn’t
care enough about your feelings to delete the apps for
you. He’s keeping his options open and he’s okay with
you knowing it. This doesn’t make him a bad person.
It makes him a man who is not serious about you.

10. You can’t be your true selves

The best part of being in a relationship is that you
can just be. If you feel like you have something to
prove or like you have to work to be good enough for
him, or if you have to hide parts of yourself from him
in order to be comfortable, or if you get the vibe that
he is holding back like this himself, then the
relationship can’t progress because you can’t truly be
intimate with one another.

Relationships grow from intimacy, from partners

being vulnerable and open with each other.

It’s only when a guy is unsure of you that you feel like
you have to measure everything you say and do—like
you can’t just express your thoughts but instead have
to filter them in order to make them align with what
you think he wants to hear. When this is happening,
you try to mold yourself into the kind of woman you
think he wants.

When you sense this kind of dynamic taking place,

it’s likely because you sense he isn’t all in. For the
relationship to grow and become serious, you both
have to be comfortable being your true selves.

11. He won’t introduce you to friends or family

One of the biggest signs a guy is serious is when he
brings his girl into the fold. He does this because he
wants to immerse her in his life. He cares about her
and sees a possible future with her, and that means
he wants her to have relationships with the people
closest to him.

If a guy isn’t serious about you, he has no reason to

introduce you to the people he cares about most. He
won’t care whether or not you get along, or want you
to be part of his story, creating memories with his
crowd.

If he doesn’t know if you’ll be around in a few

months, he might not even mention you to family
and friends, the first step to bringing you into the
fold.

If it feels like he’s hiding you from friends and family

and he’s reluctant to introduce you or share that part
of his life with you, then he’s not serious about you.

12. He straight up tells you he’s not looking for

anything serious
Men are very literal creatures. If he is respectful
enough to be direct and spell it out for you, telling
you quite literally that he’s not looking for anything
serious, take it literally!

He might say this in any number of ways. Maybe that

now isn’t a good time … I don’t want a serious
relationship right now .. I can’t give you what you
want or deserve … any variation of these classic lines
means he’s not interested in something serious.

Maybe that means he doesn’t want a serious

relationship at all or maybe it means he doesn’t want
one with you. Either way, you can’t talk a man into a
relationship. Take him at his word and don’t wait
around for him to change his mind.

13. You feel it in your gut

When a guy likes you, it’s obvious! You know and
everyone around you knows. And when a guy really,
really likes you, he’s going to want to ensure he has a
chance at something serious with you.

Even if he’s not ready to jump into something very

serious like getting engaged, he’s not going to burn
bridges and lose his shot by displaying these signs,
things like not making you a priority, canceling your
dates, or not making things official.

When he doesn’t like you enough for a serious

relationship, it’s always obvious, too … the signs are
clear, it’s just not as easy to admit.

Final Thoughts
So, remain objective by taking the relationship for
what it is right now, not what you want it to be. If you
see these 13 signs it means he’s not serious about
you, and you wanting it to be otherwise isn’t going to
change that.

The good news is that once you learn to recognize

what your guy has to offer, whether that’s something
serious or something casual, you will be free. Free to
decide for yourself whether or not what he’s offering
is good enough for you.

If he wants casual and you’re ready for something

serious, you can move on and find someone who
wants the same things as you instead of wasting years
of your life in a dead-end relationship.

When a guy shows these 13 signs, he’s wrong for you,

and that means you can move on and find yourself
the guy who’s right.

Sabrina Bendory
Sabrina Bendory is a writer and entrepreneur. She is the
author of You’re Overthinking It, a definitive book on
dating and self-love.

Keep up with Sabrina on Instagram, Twitter, Amazon,

TikTok and linktr.ee

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The fact is, if you don’t feel good about yourself,
nothing he does will ever be enough. If you don’t
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