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© 2015, All Rights Reserved First edition by Bobby Rio (TSB Magazine, LLC)
and Rob Judge (Date Hotter Girls, LLC) © 2015, All Right Reserved
T
he mobile dating game can be a cruel place. That’s
why it helps to quickly characterize the type of
“women” you’re dealing with based on what they
want (which I’ve found to be pretty simple and straightfor-
ward). That leaves you to decide if she’s worth your time,
expectations, and sanity. Lucky for you, there only seems
to be 6 things a girl is looking for when she’s on a dating
app. It’s not hard to figure her out pretty quickly when you
know what to look for, which is one of these six “wants”…

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TYPE#1: wants a trick
IT will go nowhere
There are a lot of fake profiles on dating apps that aim
to trick men into paying for porn, escort services, or
some other scam. Obviously, your location will dictate
how many of these scams you see. For example, I live
in Las Vegas, which means I see more fake profiles
promoting escorts than I do when I’m in New York or
Scottsdale.

As much as I’d like to say these scams are easy to


spot, clearly men keep falling for them (or else they’d
stop). Don’t be the next fool to get duped by a fake pro-
file. Generally, if it seems too good to be true, it
probably is.

For example, if she’s messaging you first (especially if


her message comes very quickly after matching), be on
your guard. If she only has two profile pictures (often of
a cute girl, not necessarily a super hotty) and no profile,
REALLY be on your guard. If she invites you to click a
link, well, in the words of Admiral Acbar, it’s a trap.

Telltale signs: Messages you first very soon af-


ter matching; her message has a call-to-action
(text this number, click this link, ect.); profile and
picture convey no personality; doesn’t respond
to “normal” conversation.

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TYPE#2: wants a FAN
IT will go nowhere
Social media brings out the inner narcissist in most of
us. But some women take it to the extreme with Insta-
gram (abbreviated IG) and Snapchat profiles brimming
with an unhealthy mix of vain selfies and thirsty com-
ments from guys who will never, ever get within 10 feet
of said women. You probably know what I’m talking
about…

Maybe you’ve even seen the profile of a girl who wasn’t


even that cute (such as a self-described “model”) but
who still gets dozens of comments and likes on seem-
ingly mediocre pictures. Ever wonder who leaves these
comments? Curious where all those thirsty dudes
come from? I’ll tell you: they’re lonely cyberspace trav-
elers from a mobile dating galaxy far, far away.

That’s right, unfortunately there are women on


mobile dating apps who only want to recruit
guys as “social media fans.” They don’t want to
get to know us. They don’t want to meet up with us.
They want me and you to “like” their pictures and leave
comments like “beautiful!” and “gorgeous!” so they get
their daily fix of virtual validation. (I actually believe
this is a “modern dating problem” that extends well
beyond dating apps and social media, but that’s a dis-

5
cussion beyond our scope here.)

Lucky for you it’s just as easy to avoid being her next
fan as it was not falling for a fake profile and being a
trick. These women will give off telltale signs such as
including an IG or Snapchat handle in their profile. This
is especially true if her profile ONLY has a social me-
dia handle. Moreover, these women are usually nonre-
sponsive on chat. If they do message you, the conver-
sation is often quickly steered toward an invitation for
you to follow her on some form of social media.

Now I’m not saying EVERY woman who wants to con-


nect on social media is merely recruiting fans; however,
if she’s bringing it up very early, be wary. (Remember:
if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. How
many real-life girls have you met who offered up con-
tact information instantly? Not many. Most genuine
women want to get to know a little about you before
giving you a way to stay in contact.)

Additionally, women just looking to recruit fans often


have pictures that look better than “normal” pictures,
but don’t look quite good enough to be “professional.”
That’s because a lot of these girls are “aspiring mod-
els” who have friends or fans do amateur photoshoots
for them. Girls who work “local hot girl jobs” (e.g., shot
girl, bottle server, ect.) can also fall into this category.

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You’ll know because at least one of their pictures will
show them at their job and she’ll invite you to come
visit her at work. Don’t fall for it.

Telltale signs: She has social media handle in


her profile (especially if that’s the ONLY infor-
mation in her profile); nonresponsive on mes-
senger or offers social media contacts very
early on; has semi-professional “modeling” pic-
tures and/or pictures of her working a “local hot
girl job.”

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TYPE#3: wants a PENPAL
IT Won’t go beyond
messaging
Now we’re getting into more dangerous territory: girls
who will waste your time and drain your
emotions with no intention of meeting in real
life. The first two categories are pretty easy to spot
and, more importantly, don’t really excite your expecta-
tions. This makes cutting them off fairly easy and not
incredibly time-intensive. On the other hand, when it’s
not so obvious what a girl wants, it can lead to trou-
ble…

There are a plethora of girls who have little or no inter-


est in ever meeting men in real life. These sorts of girls
go onto dating apps to string guys along. Sometimes
these women are looking for a “chat buddy”—someone
to entertain them as they go about their day. Some-
times the idea of flirting with a cyber stranger excites
or intrigues them, but it ends there. Sometimes
they just want to feel validated, but aren’t as flagrant
about it as women who just want fans.

All these women have one thing in common: things


are never going to progress past swapping
a few messages. Often things won’t even leave the
app, which means she won’t even text you or talk to

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you on the phone. That’s why I titled this category
“Wants a Pen Pal,” yet “Wants a Thumb Pal” probably
would’ve been more fitting. As already mentioned, the
reasons women want a pen pal differ, which makes it
way trickier to identify.

Furthermore, there’s no physical characteristic or type


of picture that will give these women away. I’ve seen all
kinds of women try and use me as a pen pal: beauti-
ful women and so-so women, girls with sexy pictures
and girls with tame pictures. Why do girls do this? Who
knows—as guys, I don’t think we can really understand
why a woman would waste her time chatting with
someone she has no intention of meeting. What we can
do about it, however, is quickly cut her off so we
don’t get strung along.

This will save you time, but more importantly, it will


keep you from ending up disappointed and frustrated
down the line. As a quick aside, let me tell you some-
thing I’ve noticed after years of coaching guys to im-
prove their love lives: safeguarding your emo-
tional wellbeing is crucial for long-term
dating success. If you constantly find yourself in in-
teractions that are destined to go nowhere, you’ll start
resenting women, losing self-esteem, and projecting a
toxic vibe. Who needs that? Not you.

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Make a promise to yourself that you won’t let yourself
be used as some girl’s pen pal. Knowing your bound-
aries—and sticking to them—is essential in all aspects
of dating, but particularly helpful in the early stages of
mobile dating. Once it seems a girl just wants you for a
pen pal, nip it in the bud. Save your time and energy
for girls who are worth it (a.k.a., girls who want to actu-
ally meet you).

I’ve learned to filter out girls looking for a pen pal with
a simple “test.” Once I’ve exchanged 6-10 mes-
sages with a girl, and we have a decent vibe
established, my test is asking for her phone
number. I prefer to add some humor when asking so
I’ll send a message like, “Shall we be old fashioned and
exchange numbers?” This usually leads to three re-
sponses—green, red, and yellow.

Green Light Response: She offers her number, which is


usually a pretty good sign she’s NOT just looking for a
pen pal. Exchanging numbers is more than just swap-
ping contact information; it’s symbolic of the interac-
tion progressing beyond mobile dating.

Red Light Response: She goes silent. It’s unfortunate


that this happens more than you’d expect, sometimes
even after (what I thought were) enjoyable and flirty in-
teractions. A red light response almost always means

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she just wanted a pen pal and her silence should tell
you that she’s not comfortable with the interaction pro-
gressing beyond the dating app.

At this point, I will often forget about her, move on, and
save time. If I REALLY felt we had a good vibe going,
I might send ONE follow up message 3-5 days later,
again asking for her number (just in case she legiti-
mately didn’t see the message). Usually though, she
just remains silent so I never get my hopes up.

In fact, I don’t place any expectations on a mobile dat-


ing match or get worked up over any girl until we’ve at
least exchanged numbers. (At which time, I might think
about the sort of date I’d like to take her on, but try to
keep myself from projecting beyond that.) I’d recom-
mend you do the same. Until you’ve exchanged
numbers, fight the urge to keep looking
through her pictures, thinking of her a lot,
or (worst of all) projecting what might hap-
pen (e.g., “Could this be my next girlfriend? I can’t wait
to introduce her to my friends!”).

Yellow Light Response: She responds to your request,


but doesn’t offer any contact info. A “yellow light re-
sponse” is tricky because, in my experience, it’s
about 50/50 whether she intends to meet up
with you. Some women prefer to banter before giving

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out their numbers. Other women, however, just want to
keep bantering because they like having a pen pal.

When you get a yellow light, it’s really your call if you
want to proceed. As you get more experience, you’ll
get better at sorting the “yellow light girls.” Some are
wasting your time. Others genuinely want to meet you.
I find it helps to reread your conversation with her. If
you stay objective, you’ll probably notice clues as to
whether she’s interested or not. Here’s how I learned to
tell the difference…

If the conversation is really absurd and/or just flirty


banter without much talk about who I really am then
she’s probably just looking for a pen pal. On the other
hand, if she’s shown some interest in getting to know
the “real” me (e.g., asking what I do for a living, or other
personal questions), says she likes something specific
about me (like my appearance), and/or comments on
my profile, it’s usually pretty safe to assume she just
needs more time to get to know me before giving up
her contact info.

Sometimes girls will make your life really easy by just


coming right out and saying, “I don’t usually give my
number out on Tinder/Match,” or something along
those lines. While some guys would interpret a re-
sponse like that as negative, it’s actually pretty auspi-

12
cious. If she had no interest in giving you her
number, she wouldn’t have said anything. If
you get a response like this, try injecting some humor
into the interaction and playfully mocking “creepy guys
on dating apps.” Joking about mobile dating creeps
conveys the subtext that you’re not one of those
guys. That usually gets women more comfortable
with giving you their number.

Telltale signs: While there are no “clear cut” sig-


nals, these women often enjoy more humorous
and flirty banter, but show no real interest in
learning more about the “real” you; will often go
silent when you suggest exchanging numbers,
or she may refuse to give you her number with-
out giving a reason.

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TYPE#4: wants a BUDDY
IT Can result in a date,
but requires effort
A lot of women in the mobile dating world are primarily
there to make “friends.” This might sound scary, espe-
cially if you’ve ever been put in the friendzone (and most of
us have!). As such, you might assume I’m going to group
these women in with girls who want fans and pen pals. You
might think it’s best to avoid a girl who’s looking for “just a
friend”…

But I advise you to do just the opposite: pursue


these girls! In fact, a girl who’s just looking for a
friend is often the ideal mobile dating type for any sort
of long-term relationship—whether it’s friendship or
more. Shocked? Don’t be. Here’s why…

First, here’s a MAJOR misconception a lot of guys have


about dating:

Believing that once they accept a label (e.g., “friends”)


they’ve signed a binding contract.

If a girl tells you on a dating app (or even over text)


she’s “just looking for a friend,” it’s NOT a life sen-
tence. Girls usually say things like this because they
THINK that’s all they want, or they only feel comfort-

14
able meeting guys when there’s no pressure on her for
a sexual relationship.

Most guys, however, don’t understand this and become


contentious. I’ve heard guys try to rationalize this by
saying: “I need to set a frame that I’m only interested
in something more than friends.” Not surprising, doing
that usually results in a disagreement, which makes
women uncomfortable, and leads to flaking. If this
sounds like something you’d do, or have done in the
past, don’t worry—I have, too. It’s natural to want to be
on the same page as a woman you’re taking out on a
date…

However, I realized there’s a much better strategy,


in which everyone wins. Try responding to the “just
friends” spiel by doing even more than just accept-
ing it; try encouraging it! I tell girls I’m “looking for
more female friends,” and that, “I love getting put in the
friend-zone.” If we have a playful vibe going, I’ll sprin-
kle in some absurd humor. For example, I’ve said stuff
like, “I might even run for mayor of [her] friend-zone.”

How does this lead to a win-win situation? First, obvi-


ously it gets women comfortable with the idea
of meeting in-person. This prevents against flak-
ing. Better yet, when she shows up, there’s a high prob-
ability of two positive outcomes: 1.) you’ll gain a fe-

15
male friend, or 2.) she’ll realize she likes you and wants
more.

If you’ve had decent past success with women, and


you feel relatively confident in your abilities to attract
women, then chances are she’ll want more
than friendship after spending a few hours
with you in real life. While it’s awesome when that
happens, there’s also another benefit. If she’s not as
attractive as you anticipated (e.g., misleading pictures,
annoying personality), you don’t have to feel weird or
guilty when “rejecting” her because you said you just
wanted to be friends. That keeps things (relatively) dra-
ma-free.

If you meet her and she really does “just want to be


friends,” you might feel disappointed. Still I’d recom-
mend staying friends with her. Chances are she didn’t
feel chemistry because you have room for improve-
ment in how you presented yourself. What you did
wrong with this girl is probably something
you’re doing wrong with women in general.

Gaining a female friend is a great way to understand


women better, get yourself more comfortable around
them, and learn how to talk and relate to them. Often
the same guys struggling with attracting women are
also guys who only have male friends. Moreover, as al-

16
ready explained, labels like “just friends” are
never written in stone. She might change her
mind—especially if you’re working on improving your-
self and constantly meeting other women.

Getting back to mobile dating, how do you spot a girl


looking for “just a friend”? It’s very straightforward. In
her profile she’ll often explicitly state that she’s look-
ing for a friend or someone to do some activity with
(e.g., hiking). Another dead giveaway is a girl who just
moved to a new town or city and doesn’t know a lot of
people. She’ll usually put this in her profile, or tell you
in a message. If her pictures show her with guys (and
it looks non-romantic), she probably enjoys having
male friends. Girls who have “guy interests” like beer or
sports (tomboys) also tend to fall into this category.

Telltale signs: Profile that states she’s look-


ing for friendship; just moved to a new area and
doesn’t know a lot of people; profile pictures of
lots of guys who appear to just be friends; tom-
boy.

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TYPE#5: wants a BOYFRIEND
Decent chance for a date,
will require some effort
We’ve finally come to the two “wants” that mirror what
most guys on mobile dating want too: dating and sex.
The signs are fairly obvious and probably don’t require
a lot of explaining. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell
you that if a girl messages you first—especially with a
compliment—she’s interested.

However, HOW she compliments you can be telling.

In my experience, if a girl compliments you on what’s


written in your profile, or your sense of style, or any-
thing that shows she spent time looking at your pro-
file, she’s probably looking to make more of a connec-
tion with you, which means she’s probably looking for
something a bit more serious than just sex (e.g., she
wants to date, get into a relationship, etc).

These girls will tell you (pretty early on) about their
past relationships. This is doubly true if she just re-
cently got out of a relationship. You won’t usually find
that information in their profiles, but they will tell you or
message some variation of, “The reason I’m on Hinge/
OkCupid/Match is because I just broke up with my
boyfriend.”

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Women looking to date usually have a history of long-
term dating and relationships. If you ask her about her
last 3 relationships, she’ll probably tell you about ex-
boyfriends she dated over a long period of time (more
than 6 months).

These are the girls who almost always get offended if


you ask if they’ve ever had a fling or one-night stand.
In any case, expect these girls to have limited expe-
rience with hooking up (in other words, casual,
short-term dating). These women will usually want to
take it slow.

Once it’s pretty clear a woman is looking for her next


boyfriend (not her next sex partner), I ask myself: can
I see myself seriously dating this person? On the plus
side, women looking for a relationship on dating apps
tend to be very attractive. If she also seems cool, my
answer is usually a “maybe,” or even a “yes,” so I’ll go
on dates with these girls, get to know them, and men-
tally resign myself to a “slow play” (prepare myself to
go on several dates before we sleep together).

If, however, my answer is definitely a NO, I don’t pursue


them. Even if a woman is attractive, and I’d probably
enjoy sleeping with her, I don’t think it’s a good
idea to lead a girl on if I don’t see a future

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for us beyond sex.

Ethics aside, I simply don’t want to deal with the dra-


ma I’m going to encounter down the road. I’ve been
doing this for a number of years and I can tell you: the
collateral damage is simply not worth the sex.

Moreover, I’d like to think that I have some sort of em-


pathy for women. I wouldn’t want someone to do that
to my sister so I try not to do it to someone else’s sis-
ter (which could be YOUR sister). Keep in mind: empa-
thy is a rare—but very attractive—quality in a man.

Telltale signs: Recently ended long term rela-


tionship; has a “history” of long term relation-
ships (not many “flings”); studies your profile
and “likes” things about you beyond your ap-
pearance; often the most attractive girls you’ll
meet on mobile dating.

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TYPE#6: wants SEX
Will easily result in a date;
requires little effort
Even though dating apps like Tinder are “known” as
apps to meet people down for quick, casual sex, only a
small percentage of (real) women are actually on thes
apps for no-strings-attached sex. That said, there cer-
tainly are some women on dating apps just looking to
get laid—and some of them are even attractive (very
attractive, in fact!).

Knowing how to spot these women is crucial. She’ll of-


ten message you first with two types of messages:

1. A compliment that you’re hot, cute, handsome,


or something else positive (and sometimes
rather forward) about your appearance, or,

2. Ask what you’re doing at the moment, where


you are, what you’re doing later, or some ques-
tion involving the immediate future.

Be very careful! You don’t want to get “catfished”


or duped by a “girl” looking for a trick. If it seems too
good to be true…well, you know the rest...

I usually banter a bit more before agreeing to meet up

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if/when a girl is that aggressive. For me, “acceptable
reasons” for a girl being that forward would be: she’s
on vacation, it’s her birthday, or she’s hypersexual.

While a woman may tell you that you’re “hot” and seem ea-
ger to meet up that night, DO NOT bring up sex over a mo-
bile dating app. I give the same advice when I coach guys
on texting women.

The only time to verbally discuss sex is in person


(and even then it’s better to just go for it rather than talk
about it). Sex is NEVER guaranteed and by bringing it up on
a dating app you risk looking perverted and socially awk-
ward.

You’ll know she wants sex by the subtext of your interac-


tion. For example, when setting up the date, you might say,
“There’s this cool bar nearby my place, we should grab a
drink and see if we play nice together.”

Notice: that message doesn’t explicitly invite her over for


sex, but it’s pretty clearly implied because:

1. I’m telling her the bar is close to “my place,” and

2. I’m only suggesting we grab “a drink,” which is an-


other way of saying, “Let’s just make sure we both
look like our pictures and neither of us is a total

22
weirdo before we go back to my place and have
sex.”

Usually, however, I recommend playing it EVEN SAFER. If I


think a girl is down for casual sex, I’ll have her meet me in a
very public place. For example, in Vegas, I’ll have her meet
me at a casino lounge on the strip.

Once there, I treat it like a regular date while making sug-


gestive—and even flagrant—sexual remarks. If she’s cool
with it, that seems to confirm she’s down for a “casual”
fling. Only THEN do I suggest going to a “cool bar near my
place.”

I may have to spend a little more time, and pay for a round
of drinks, but it’s a small price to pay to ensure things will
progress smoothly. And that I avoid getting catfished.

Sometimes it’s easy to confuse women looking for sex


with women looking for a boyfriend. There are some other
more “subtle” things to look for that will help you identify
a woman looking for a hookup. For one, if you exchange
contact info, she might text you first.

Also, her pictures will sometimes show her acting a little


crazy, or out at nightclubs. Obviously, if she reveals a “his-
tory” of flings or one-night-stands, it’s almost always a
dead giveaway she’s open to casual sexual relationships.

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Again though, even if a woman gives off ALL of these sig-
nals, STILL I’d recommend waiting until meeting her in
person, over drinks, before deciding whether or not she’s
down for no-strings-attached sex.

And of course, do not assume or expect anything until


she’s back at your place, naked, and asking you to put on
a condom. Short of that, keep your expectations in
check so you’re not disappointed and/or come
off creepy.

Telltale signs: Aggressive about messaging and


complimenting you (usually on your looks); has a
believable reason why she’s acting aggressive (e.g.,
vacation, birthday, sexual person, ect.); pictures
show her acting uninhibited; openly discusses sex,
sexual history, and indicates she enjoys “casual
dating” (i.e., hooking up).

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