Random Jokes

When I was young I was scared of the Darkness. Now I’m an adult, I’m scared of the lights when I see
my electric bills.
My email password was hacked again and that’s the third time I had to rename the dog.
I learned the Morse Code and I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
The quickest way to turn a normal sofa into a sofa bed is to forget your wife’s birthday.
Lequel tu penses que c’est l’organe le plus fascinant, le meilleur et le plus interessant? C’est le cerveau
évidemment! C’est ce que je pensais depuis toujours, jusqu’à ce que je me rend compte de c’est qui
qui n’arrête pas de me dire ça….
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen!
Letting go a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it’s the only way to survive a rock climbing
catastrophe
Why does someone believes you when you say there are 4 billions stars but checks when you say the
paint is wet
You are such a good friend that, if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life
jacket, I’d miss you so much and talk about you fondly to everybody who asked.
Certaines personnes causes du happyness peu importe où ils vont, d’autres peu importante quand ils
s’en vont
I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.
Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, “What the hell
are you doing?”
I tried to remarry my ex-wife but She figured out I was only after my money.
I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.
Jason tu insultes trop. T’inquiète je suis un gars PUTAIN de poli
I bet the guy who invented the snooze button didn't invent anything else
The phrase in a year’s time we ll laugh about it is untrue, I cringe over things that happened when I was
13
I you teach a parrot to say parrot, it's the closest thing to having a pokemon
The male equivalent of I ll be ready in 10 minutes is ‘’honey there’s only 2 minutes left in the game’’
The devil shaked a pitchfork, the grim reaper swings a scythe, so is farming a big thing In the
underworld?
I have trained my dog to bark at the door whenever he wants to go in or out, but to him, he thinks he
has trained me to open the door whenever he barks
‘’toutes les shower thoughts de ma page pensée inutile’’
My ego makes me think I can do anythung, but thanlfully my laziness stops me. Perfect balance.
Iyou ever feel useless, just be glad you are not the person writing the terms and conditions.
Always borrow money from a pessimist, they will never expect it back
Lawyer hopes you're in trouble, doctor hopes you're sick, cops hope you're criminal, teacher hopes
you're stupid but only a thief wishes you prosperity in life.
En considérant combien ils aiment l’ail, être au soleil et se regarder dans le miroir, ça doit être
tellement chiant pour un italien de devenir un vampire
Nos ancêtres se frotte le cul avec des feuilles d’arbre. Aujourd’hui, on abat des arbres, transportent les
troncs dans une usine, broie les troncs en pulpes, les blanchit, les presse fermement, les transforment
en rouleau, les emballent dans du plastique, les envoient aux magasin, les achètent, les pend sur les
murs, puis essuient nos culs avec.
Si la taille du penis était aussi évident que la taille des sein, le monde serait un endroit très très
différent.
8 heures passé à boire est excessive, 8 heures passé à regarder des séries est excessive, mais 8
heures de sommeils est tout juste assez.
Les cygnes sont excessives, violents, bruyant, agressive, terrifiant, et un emblème de la romantique et
de l’amour.
Toutes les machines peuvent être utilisées comme des machines à fumée si elles sont utilisées assez
incorrectement.