Manipulation

&
Mind Control:

The Persuasion Collection:

Dark Psychology Secrets, Analyze &

Influence People with Nlp . How to learn
reading friends and develop Body language
skills.

ROBERT TOWER
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Book 1: Dark Psychology Secrets

Book 2: Analyze People and Body
Language

Book 3: Persuasion Techniques

Book 4: Manipulation Techniques

 Dark Psychology Secrets:

How To Influence People To Positive

Behavior In Relationship With Nlp.
Discover The Art Of Reading And Analyze
People, Learning Emotional Manipulation
And Mind Control.
Table of Contents
Introduction 8
Chapter 1: History Of Mental Manipulation 12
Chapter 2: What’s Dark Psychology 24
Chapter 3: How Is Dark Psychology Used Today? 34
Chapter 4: Techniques Used In Dark Psychology Secrets 52
Chapter 5: How To Recognize The Art Of Manipulation 74
Chapter 6: How The Mechanics Of Emotional Manipulation Work 101
Chapter 7: Toxic Relationships And Friendships, As Well As How To Avoid
Them 107
Chapter 8: Dark Persuasion Techniques 119
Chapter 9: Brainwashing 135
Chapter 10: Ways That You Can Predict Other’s Minds 141
Conclusion 153
CHAPTER BONUS 156
 Introduction

Dark psychology is the use of mind control techniques and tactics to

influence, coerce and manipulate people into doing what you want. A
manipulator will identify weak links in their target's reasoning and use those
gaps to sneak in their manipulative thoughts. They understand that there is
bound to be some resistance and have since developed new and unique
techniques to further their course. That is why we must equip you with the latest
techniques used in the secret world of dark psychology. Knowing the
fundamentals of dark psychology is not necessarily meant to turn you to a
psychopath but these little tricks will come in handy when confronted by dire
situations that demand their use. However, the main purpose of bringing these
techniques to your attention is for preventive purposes. It will act as a self-
defense strategy when you encounter people who want to manipulate or even
harm you in a way that benefits them. Those who know nothing about dark
psychology stand the risk of it being used against them. Psychopaths and
narcissists are fearful of you learning these techniques because they won't be
having any advantage over people.

The irony with dark psychology is that the psychopath will use your mind
and thoughts in a way that might harm you. Once they take control of your
mind, you will become a mere robot that does anything and everything they
want. The current world is full of such robots and their masters are the people
with the knowledge of dark psychology. This small group of people we are
referring to as masters are presumed to possess magical powers. By the time
you are done reading this book, you will realize that there is nothing magical
about their power. If anything, you will acquire abilities just like theirs and you
will understand exactly how they do their thing. There is nothing more
humiliating than being fooled by someone you thought you are fooling.
 The basics of dark psychology are the fundamental principles used by
manipulators in their step-by-step process to control minds. We shall look at
these principles from the victim's point of view to make them easy to
understand.

No matter how much we may hope that those around us are good and
would never try to harm us, there are still people who are going to use our
psyche and our emotions against us. This guidebook is going to go into depth
about various dark psychology techniques and can arm you with the
understanding to keep dark manipulators from taking advantage of you.

There are many different ways that a dark manipulator can try to take
control over your mind and get you to react in a certain manner. They can often
get in close with you, befriend you, and get you to act in certain ways. And
many times, a rational and even an intelligent person will get caught in the trap,
without realizing what is going on until it is too late to do anything about it.
This is what makes dark psychology so dangerous and why it is so important to
learn the signs and understand the different methods early on.

One of the best things that you can do to protect yourself from dark
psychology is to know as much about it as possible. Take a look through this
book and learn the main types of psychology that are out there that fit into this
realm of darkness and manipulation.
 Chapter 1: History Of Mental Manipulation

Language and thought are intricately interconnected. Plato, the ancient

Greek philosopher suggested that we can only experience the world through the
prism of language. Philosopher Wilhelm von Humboldt considered language to
be the basis of thought. His ideas were formalized in the Sapir-Whorf
hypothesis which suggests that a language’s structure impacts the thinking of its
speakers. A striking example of this is that the number of words a language has
to distinguish different colors influences the way that speakers perceive colors.
This idea that the words we have available for expression can limit and channel
our cognitive choices is an important one that can be used by manipulators and
picked up by various thinkers over the years.

Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell was an influential book. It raised

the alarm of fascistic governing bodies that rule in part through the use of
rhetorical strategies, operating just as manipulatively as the most self-directed
narcissist or dispassionate sociopath. The book continues to be taught in
American schools, and a big part of its impact was the ways in which it pulled
the curtain back on the manipulative use of language. In the book, he introduces
a new language called Newspeak that the government employs. Using it, the
powers that be alter basic concepts and the idea of truth by placing limitations
on language. Newspeak is used to allow people to only perceive certain matters
and influencing them to forget or not perceive everything deemed inappropriate.
In short, if something cannot be definitively labeled under Newspeak, then it
can’t exist. By limiting language, the government in the novel reframes the
reality of its citizens. In Newspeak they limit the word available, which limits
the options for self-expression. As an extension, individuality becomes almost
impossible. Adjectives, for example, are simplified. The opposite of good is
“ungood.” This limits the ability to express nuance and locks people into
polarized thinking. They also introduce new words to build interpretation in the
word itself. For example, sex is called “sexcrime,” giving the speaker no choice
but to recognize its illegality even in passing. On the other side of this equation,
forced labor camps are called “joy camps,” suggesting a positive nature to what
should naturally be a negative experience. These reframing’s are tools used to
ensure obedience. This thinking is also applied to the government’s naming of
its various branches. The Ministry of Love enforces the law and levies
punishments. The Ministry of Peace wages the war. The Ministry of Truth is the
propaganda wing of the government.

It’s not hard to find examples of government officials using these type of
reframing’s to their advantage. During the most recent US Presidential election,
then candidate Donald Trump redefined “fake news,” an appellation the media
had applied to troll sites with false stories being distributed by social media, to
mean the actual mainstream media. Rebranding actual news sources “fake
news” certainly has the ring of newspeak. Every time political actors introduce
catch-phrases, positive or negative, to lionize their side or to diminish the other,
they are using this propagandistic quality of language to attempt to limit the
cognitive choices of the audience.

How can these tools be used at a more intimate scale, within a

relationship or at the workplace? We’ve already seen some examples, in our
God, devil, and charismatic words. Rhetorical choices can suggest an unspoken
answer.

Sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists and similar deviant personality types

have many linguistic tricks to get what they want. They will confuse, disorient
and otherwise frustrate their victims in order to exert influence over them.
Among their many tactics, many understand how to use language to overpower
their victims. It might be useful to review some of the most typical word
choices and rhetorical framings of some of the manipulative personality types
we discussed earlier. We’ll generally be talking about how these tactics can be
used in interpersonal relationships but will divert into business situations as
well.

We’ll start with some of the catch-phrases employed by sociopaths who,

if you remember, are people with emotionally disconnected personalities that
are capable of dispassionately pursuing self-interest to the detriments of others,
often accuse their opponents of overreacting. This serves to put the focus back
onto the victim, removing attention from the problem or situation. Sociopaths
and psychopaths also use this phrase. It can nudge the victim towards thinking
that the situation, whatever it is, wasn’t that big a deal in the first place. Another
common tactic of the sociopath is to claim that the offense, whatever it was,
was only intended as a joke. This is a good way to shut down a conversation
and to invalidate the feelings of the target. A variation of this one is to tell the
victim that he or she is being ridiculous: another invalidation, this one with a
more strongly implied judgment. Not only are you wrong or perhaps
overreacting, you are also being illogical. There’s a lot packed into these few
words.

Psychopaths have similar tactics, but with a slightly different emphasis. A

psychopath may accuse you of “overanalyzing.” This is a fairly typical
destabilizing tactics. Psychotics often throw people off balance by insinuating
that they are going crazy. If you respond to these attempts, they’ll shut it down
with a very casual accusation of over-analysis. The framing plus their entirely
nonplussed delivery is designed to further make you question whether you were
wrong about the whole thing. Psychotics may also withdraw, accusing you of
creating “drama.” Again, it’s a way of turning the tables. Even if you’re rightly
miffed, they’re going to reframe it as a reaction that is out of line with reality.
Psychotics are masters of a technique that has recently gained cultural
relevance: gaslighting. Both of the previous techniques hint at this, but with
full-on gaslighting the psychopath tells you that he or she never said the thing
that you know you heard. As psychopaths are perfectly capable of complex and
self-serving delusions, they may even convince themselves that they never said
it. The result is a situation in which the victim may well be led to doubt the
veracity of their senses or even their sanity.

Narcissists, in relationships, will exaggerate connections with phrases

such as “I’ve never felt like this before.” This, naturally, makes their victim feel
good, but it is only a step towards establishing future control and codependent
attention. When things are not going their way, narcissists will leverage their
advantages by accursing their partners of being paranoid or controlling.
Narcissists typically project their own weaknesses onto their partners and this is
a textbook example of that. Narcissists are often controlling and paranoid
themselves, but by projecting those qualities, they might be making themselves
feel better about the situation while destabilizing the partner. Another tactic is to
suggest that the manipulator has never had this problem with anyone else. This
is another way of reframing so that the person who has the problem is the
problem.

In all of the above examples, the rhetorical reframing of the situation may
also incorporate nudge producing language. Words such as ridiculous, paranoid,
and drama, carry weight. Even if intellectually you may know it is false, being
accused of causing drama, especially when you actually are upset, is hard to
counter. It’s easy to extend these techniques to other situations. In the
workplace, a co-worker or manager with a legitimate complaint against a fellow
employee with one of these personality deviancies could easily have their
complaints reframed. In these cases perhaps the manager is accused of paranoia,
or of micromanaging. Maybe the manager is told, “I’ve been doing this job for
years and have never heard these complaints before,” thus overtly suggesting
that the manager’s complaints are the problem.

These are typical examples of the way that the primary deviant
personalities that we’ve identified, sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists, use
language to manipulate. Although the specific words may differ depending on
the situation, these are very telling examples of the kind of language-based
gambits they use to leverage power in a variety of situations.
 The Communication Tool

Communication is a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used for
various purposes. A hammer can be used for its generally intended purpose – to
hammer in nails. The claw end of the hammer has a secondary and opposite
function: to pull out nails. These two functions can work hand in hand in a
functional and helpful way, and the tool can aid in construction projects, which
most would agree is its primary function. A hammer, however, can also be used
destructively. It can be used to break windows. It can be used as a weapon.
Either end can be swung against someone’s head. Although this is not what the
manufacturers had in mind, it is still a tool being used as a tool. The function
has been changed due to the intent of the wielder.

Some may ask at what point communication strays into manipulation as if

it exists on a spectrum. That’s not really how communication works. It’s not as
if you go so far in a certain direction with communication and it suddenly
becomes manipulation, as if there is a scale measuring communication and pure
manipulation exists on the far end. Like a hammer, communication is a tool. All
communication attempts some form of influence. All effective communication,
especially formal communication, makes use of rhetorical tools. No matter how
many of these tools or which ones you use, as long as it is in service of the same
communications goals, it is not going to swing you any closer to being a
manipulator. Effective communication towards positive or altruistic ends is just
that: effective communication. The Greeks recognized this. They saw effective
argument as an indication of truth. If a salesman is good at his job but respects
your wishes and acts with your best wishes in mind, he’s not manipulating you
no matter how good his arguments are. If a doctor convinces you to undergo a
life-saving technique in spite of the fact that you’re terrified of surgery, then he
hasn’t manipulated you as long as he has argued in favor of the technique
honestly.
 So, if it’s not a matter of degree, when does communication become
manipulation? The answer is simple: it’s a matter of motivation. Just like in the
hammer example. A hammer is a construction tool, until it is wielded with
another intent in mind. Then it becomes a weapon. Communication is the same.
It becomes manipulation not as some tipping point of how many techniques
were used or how effectively. It becomes manipulation when it is used in an
unfair manner, with the intent to mislead or to push an agenda to the detriment
of the target of the communication. Just as communication can be effective or
ineffective, so can manipulation. Some people are just bad at it, and some
audiences are canny at recognizing it. If a con man approaches you on the
street, you might recognize this and keep walking. Does that mean he wasn’t
attempting manipulation? No. What he was doing wasn’t straightforward
communication: honest persuasion. The con man was attempting manipulation,
but he just wasn’t effective. Sometimes, the exact same techniques can be
persuasion or manipulation and the only factor that needs to change is the
motive of the speaker. In other cases, perhaps the techniques themselves are
innately manipulative, like those we highlighted in the last section. Any form of
deceit or manipulation is innately manipulative. Even if you were to have a
positive overall motive, you’d still be engaging in manipulation on a level
because your tactics were unfair. Maybe, in those cases, you actually might
have some form of positive outcome in mind, but the fact that you are willing to
lie exposes a negative motive underneath. A willingness to mislead is, in itself,
a motive. This can become complicated, so let’s simplify: in any case when
your motive for outcome and the motive behind your tactics are positive and
fair, we can characterize your communication as persuasion. Any time that your
desire is to harm, to improve your situation above that of your target, or to
mislead or play unfair in any way with your communications, it reaches the bar
for definition as manipulation.
 Chapter 2: What’s Dark Psychology

Before we take a look at some of the methods that come with dark
psychology and how it can be used against you, it is important to know exactly
what this form of psychology is about. Psychology, or an understanding of how
the human mind works, is a part of all of our lives. Psychology is going to
underpin everything in our lives from advertising to finance, crime to religion,
and even from hate to love. Someone who is able to understand these
psychological principles is someone who really holds onto the key to human
influence.

This is not an easy task, which is why most people don’t possess it.
Learning all of the different principles of psychology is not necessary. Start with
the lessons in these pages and you’ll have a solid foundation. You have to be
able to read people, understand what makes them tick, and understand why they
may react in ways that may not be normally expected. And even then, you may
need to spend time taking classes and reading through countless books to gain a
complete understanding. It depends how far you want to go with this.

So, if only a few people really understand psychology and how the human
mind works, why is it so important to know what this is? It is because those
who do know what it is and how to use it can choose to use that power and that
knowledge against you.

How Is Dark Psychology Used Today?

While some people are going to use these dark psychology tactics in order
to harm their victim, there are times when you may use these tactics without the
intent of negatively manipulating another person. Some of these tactics were
either unintentionally or intentionally added to our toolbox from a variety of
means that could include:

• When you were a child, you would see how adults, especially those
close to you, behaved.

• When you were a teenager, the mind and your ability to truly
understand the behaviors around you were expanded.

• You were able to watch others use the tactics and then succeed.

• Using the tactics may have been unintentional in the beginning, but
when you found that it worked to get you what you wanted, you would start to
use those tactics in an intentional manner.

• Some people, such as a politician, a public speaker, or a

salesperson, would be trained to use these types of tactics to get what they
want.

Dark Psychology Tactics That Are Used on a Regular Basis

• Love flooding: This would include any buttering up, praising, or

complimenting people to get them to comply with the request that you want. If
you want someone to help you move some items into your home, you may use
love flooding in order to make them feel good, which could make it more likely
that they will help you. A dark manipulator could also use it to make the other
person feel attached to them and then get them to do things that they may not
normally do.

• Lying: This would include telling the victim an untrue version of

the situation. It can also include a partial truth or exaggerations with the goal of
getting what you wanted done.

• Love denial: This one can be hard on the victim because it can
make them feel lost and abandoned by the manipulator. This one basically
includes withholding affection and love until you are able to get what you want
out of the victim.

• Withdrawal: This would be when the victim is given the silent

treatment or is avoided until they meet the needs of the other person.

• Restricting choices: The manipulator may give their victim access

to some choices, but they do this in order to distract them from the choices that
they don’t want the victim to make.

• Semantic manipulation: This is a technique where the manipulator

is going to use some commonly known words, ones that have accepted
meanings by both parties, in a conversation. But then they will tell the victim,
later on, that they had meant something completely different when they used
that word. The new meaning is often going to change up the entire definition
and could make it so that the conversation goes the way the manipulator
wanted, even though the victim was tricked.

• Reverse psychology: This is when you tell someone to do

something in one manner, knowing that they will do the opposite. But the
opposite action is what the manipulator wanted to happen in the first place.

Who Will Deliberately Use Dark Tactics?

There are many different people who may choose to use these dark tactics
against you. They can be found in many different aspects of your life, which is
why it is so important to learn how to stay away from them. Some of the people
who are able to use some of these dark psychology tactics deliberately include:

• Narcissists: These individuals are going to have a bloated sense of

their own self-worth, and they will have the need to make others believe that
they are superior as well. In order to meet their desires of being worshipped and
adored by everyone they meet, they will use persuasion and dark psychology.
 • Sociopaths: Those who are sociopaths are charming, intelligent, and
persuasive. But they only act this way to get what they want. They lack any
emotions and they are not able to feel any remorse. This means that they have
no issue with using the tactics of dark psychology to get what they want,
including taking it as far as creating superficial relationships.

• Politicians: With the help of dark psychology, a politician could

convince someone to cast votes for them simply by convincing these people that
their point of view is the right one.

• Salespeople: Not all salespeople are going to use dark tactics

against you. But it is possible that some, especially those who are really into
getting their sales numbers and being the best, will not think twice about using
dark persuasion in order to manipulate people.

• Leaders: Throughout history, there have been plenty of leaders who

will use the techniques of dark psychology in order to get their team members,
subordinates, and citizens do what they want.

• Selfish people: This could be any person that you come across who
will make sure that their own needs are put before anyone else’s. They aren’t
concerned about others, and they will let others forego their benefits so that they
can benefit. If the situation benefits them, it is fine if it benefits someone else.
But if someone is going to be the loser, it will be the other person and not
them.

This list is important because it is going to serve two purposes. First, it is

going to help you be more aware of the people who may try to manipulate you
to do things that you don’t want to do, and it can be there to help out with self-
realization. Being on the lookout for those who want to get something out of
you, without any concerns about how it will affect you, is one of the main goals
of this book so that you can arm yourself against dark psychology.

The term “mental manipulation” is often thrown around on social media

and in mainstream communications. In fact, it is quite common to hear this
expression used in reference to large public events, political campaigning and
advertising. The fact of the matter is that most folks have a general
understanding of what it refers to but may not be clear on the specific of what
this term encompasses.

In short, mental manipulation is controlling and twisting a person's state

of mind to make them want to do what you want to be done. A manipulator
influences the will of others through the use deception or underhand
techniques.

As such, manipulation implies a degree of force upon targets, that is, the
manipulator will try their best to force their targets to do what they will,
especially if the targets do not wish to comply.

Now, I am not talking about kidnapping folks and brainwashing them like
it is done in the movies. I am talking about subtle techniques and strategies
which are used to get others to go along without them actually realizing they are
being manipulated.

As a matter of fact, the best manipulators make it seem like people are
doing things of their own accord rather than acting upon the provocation of
some external force. Nevertheless, there is a degree of forces that goes along
with manipulation. For example, television stations will force you to watch their
programming and advertising in order to get you to purchase the products and
services of their sponsor’s.

However, the coercion shown in this case is quite simple to get around:
you can just change the channel. Yet, programming and advertising is designed
in such a way that you won’t want to change channel.

Other types of manipulation can be a lot more overt. For instance,

political parties and candidates will promote themselves by littering their
campaigns with calls to action such as “vote for the best candidate” or “vote for
so-and-so if you value your children’s future”. These calls to action are blatant
attempts at swaying voters’ opinions.

That is why the first part of this book is dedicated to understanding and
identifying manipulation as it is commonly practiced. I am not talking about
some dark cabal that is trying to secretly rule the world through controlling the
minds of every single human on this planet. In fact, I am referring to the ways
in which trained individuals will attempt to influence your opinion to get you to
go along with their agenda.

When you uncover their techniques, you will not only be able to protect
yourself, and your loved ones, from these influences, you will be also be able to
get your own agenda across. While I am not asking you to openly go out there
and control the minds of those with whom you come into contact, I am asking
you to use these techniques to help you get ahead when you need that extra
nudge.

So, sit back because we are going on quite a ride.

 Chapter 3: How Is Dark Psychology Used
Today?

While some people are going to use these dark psychology tactics in order
to harm their victim, there are times when you may use these tactics without the
intent of negatively manipulating another person. Some of these tactics were
either unintentionally or intentionally added to our toolbox from a variety of
means that could include:

• When you were a child, you would see how adults, especially those
close to you, behaved.

• When you were a teenager, the mind and your ability to truly
understand the behaviors around you were expanded.

• You were able to watch others use the tactics and then succeed.

• Using the tactics may have been unintentional in the beginning, but
when you found that it worked to get you what you wanted, you would start to
use those tactics in an intentional manner.

• Some people, such as a politician, a public speaker, or a

salesperson, would be trained to use these types of tactics to get what they want.

Dark Psychology Tactics That Are Used on a Regular Basis

• Love flooding: This would include any buttering up, praising, or

complimenting people to get them to comply with the request that you want. If
you want someone to help you move some items into your home, you may use
love flooding in order to make them feel good, which could make it more likely
that they will help you. A dark manipulator could also use it to make the other
person feel attached to them and then get them to do things that they may not
normally do.

• Lying: This would include telling the victim an untrue version of

the situation. It can also include a partial truth or exaggerations with the goal of
getting what you wanted to be done.

• Love denial: This one can be hard on the victim because it can
make them feel lost and abandoned by the manipulator. This one basically
includes withholding affection and love until you are able to get what you want
out of the victim.

• Withdrawal: This would be when the victim is given the silent

treatment or is avoided until they meet the needs of the other person.

• Restricting choices: The manipulator may give their victim access

to some choices, but they do this in order to distract them from the choices that
they don’t want the victim to make.

• Semantic manipulation: This is a technique where the manipulator

is going to use some commonly known words, ones that have accepted
meanings by both parties, in a conversation. But then they will tell the victim,
later on, that they had meant something completely different when they used
that word. The new meaning is often going to change up the entire definition
and could make it so that the conversation goes the way the manipulator
wanted, even though the victim was tricked.

• Reverse psychology: This is when you tell someone to do

something in one manner, knowing that they will do the opposite. But the
opposite action is what the manipulator wanted to happen in the first place.

Who Will Deliberately Use Dark Tactics?

There are many different people who may choose to use these dark tactics
against you. They can be found in many different aspects of your life, which is
why it is so important to learn how to stay away from them. Some of the people
who are able to use some of these dark psychology tactics deliberately include:

• Narcissists: These individuals are going to have a bloated sense of

their own self-worth, and they will have the need to make others believe that
they are superior as well. In order to meet their desires of being worshipped and
adored by everyone they meet, they will use persuasion and dark psychology.

• Sociopaths: Those who are sociopaths are charming, intelligent, and

persuasive. But they only act this way to get what they want. They lack any
emotions, and they are not able to feel any remorse. This means that they have
no issue with using the tactics of dark psychology to get what they want,
including taking it as far as creating superficial relationships.

• Politicians: With the help of dark psychology, a politician could

convince someone to cast votes for them simply by convincing these people that
their point of view is the right one.

• Salespeople: Not all salespeople are going to use dark tactics

against you. But it is possible that some, especially those who are really into
getting their sales numbers and being the best, will not think twice about using
dark persuasion in order to manipulate people.

• Leaders: Throughout history, there have been plenty of leaders who

will use the techniques of dark psychology in order to get their team members,
subordinates, and citizens do what they want.

• Selfish people: This could be any person that you come across who
will make sure that their own needs are put before anyone else’s. They aren’t
concerned about others, and they will let others forego their benefits so that they
can benefit. If the situation benefits them, it is fine if it benefits someone else.
But if someone is going to be the loser, it will be the other person and not them.
 This list is important because it is going to serve two purposes. First, it is
going to help you be more aware of the people who may try to manipulate you
to do things that you don’t want to do, and it can be there to help out with self-
realization. Being on the lookout for those who want to get something out of
you, without any concerns about how it will affect you, is one of the main goals
of this book so that you can arm yourself against dark psychology.

Who Controls our Lives?

It’s interesting to see that manipulation has been around for a long time,
and that is not a new or imaginary concept. Understanding what the art of
persuasion is really all about is vital, to help you to deal with it.
In this chapter, we will look briefly at the psychology of manipulation.
This allows us to see where it might occur in our lives. It will also help you in
identifying those who might attempt to manipulate you. It is not only about
people who like to dominate. If we don't know it is happening to us, might be
encouraged to act in ways that are incongruous to our normal personality and
behavior. Learn how commerce can persuade customers into buying their goods
and services. Recognizing such methods will help in dealing with the power of
persuasion.
We like to believe that we are individuals who make sensible choices. In
our personal journey of life, we do not always have full control, and we don't
always realize this. As children, we are influenced by our parents and have little
control over how we raised. Once in the education system, we are further
manipulated. The teachers will tell us all about the social norms and what is
expected of us in society. As adults, we are lured in by politicians trying to get
their share of votes. Many are persuaded to vote for a party because of what
they promise for the future, even if they don’t necessarily believe in their
policies. This gives such politicians power, and their decisions will affect our
lives. Are we really in control of our lives, or are we merely influenced by those
who know all the tricks of persuasion?
 Later in this book, we will look at how to deal with various manipulative
methods, even sometimes covert. First, you need to learn to recognize when you
are being manipulated so you can counteract it. For this purpose, we will now
look at what the experts say on how this sort of behavior can exist among us.
 Recognizing the Art of Manipulation
What then, in our everyday lives, do we need to be wary of?

Persuasive Language
The idiom that every picture tells a story, is very true. Words can be so
much more powerful as they inspire and encourage us, even to the point of
manipulation. How many times have you been inspired by a good orator, whose
daring speech motives you into action? Words even influence when we are lost
completely in a great book. The art of words can be so influential in coercing us
to believe something, even when our eyes tell us differently. Communication is
a powerful tool, especially when it comes to making people do things.
• Advertisers and salespeople use language to convince their goods are
just what we are looking for. Using words, such as:
Affordable; Easy to use; Safe; Enjoyable; Time Saving; Guaranteed to
last.
Note how all these words make us believe they are confident in their own
products.
Politicians will use language, such as:
“We” - to encompass you in their world.
“Us” to make you feel a part of a team.
These are all communication tactics to make us feel included, so therefore
important.
Bullies use language along with aggressive behavior, to achieve
their own selfish goals.
Criminal predators, such as psychopaths, sociopaths and
narcissists, are all people who learn the use of persuasive language. This is a
means to get their own way and gain control over another person.
 Six Theories on Psychological Manipulation

1 Cognitive
There are many well recognized psychological processes in theories
regarding the art of persuasion. One of those is the Cognitive Response model,
developed by Anthony Greenwald in 1968. It is still relevant today for
determining some factors in persuasion. It is also a model used extensively in
the world of advertising.

Greenwald suggested that:

It is not the words of the message that determines the success of

persuasion, but more the emotions of the receiver. The internal monologue of
the one receiving the message will be deciding factor on how easy they are
influenced.

Such internal thoughts will include positive and negative aspects,

according to the individual’s own personality. This not a learning process, but
more based on whether the person already views the message with favorable or
unfavorable thought processes (cognitions).

Overcoming any counter-arguments will rely on the expertise of the

persuader. They should stop their target from having sufficient time to construct
any counter-arguments. The persuader must encourage positive arguments to
come to the forefront. This gives the "persuasion effect" a better chance of
success.

Persuasion can be more difficult if the intended target has been

forewarned. It allows the target time to build their own counter-arguments, if
the "message" is counter-intuitive to their present cognitions. The importance in
pre-warning can be seen in research conducted by Richard E. Petty, in 1977.
The study showed that students given notice about a certain event were less
likely to be persuaded that those who had no pre-warning.
 2 Reciprocity
Another well-studied explanation for how we might be open to the power
of persuasion is the Rule of Reciprocity. This is based on a principle related to
social conventions. If someone does you a favor, or does something good for
you, then you are more likely to feel obliged to return the favor.

The Rule of Reciprocity can also happen subconsciously. Without even

realizing it, you may agree to an action or favor asked of you by the requester.
All because at some point they had done something for you, and you feel in
their debt. You may feel obliged even if the request is something you would
normally decline.

It is an effect widely used by companies who are looking to make sales.

Often companies give out free samples, or time-limited trials. This is not
without a motive. It is in the hope that the customer feels obliged to return the
favor, and buy the product or continue with the agreement.

Reciprocity is a recognized psychological process. It is an adaptive

behavior which would have increased our chances of survival in the past. By
helping others, it is likely that at some later point they will help you. Though, it
can also have negative effects. If someone does something bad to you, then you
may be driven by the rules of reciprocity to exact your revenge.

The Rule of Reciprocity is well supported by academic research. Burger

et al (2009), suggested that a group of participants were more likely to agree to
a request if the requester had previously done them a favor.

3 Information Manipulation
A powerful tool in the manipulator's armory. This is a method of being
outright deceitful. It is a means of providing limited and confusing information
to the victim. The effect of this will unbalance their way of thinking, making
them vulnerable. It can also incorporate the use of intentional body language, to
persuade and manipulate someone.
 McCornack's theory has a premise of four maxims, in a truthful statement.
A breach of any of these will render the message as intentionally deceitful. The
four maxims are:
Quantity
This is the "amount" of information provided. Most of us seek to provide
the right amount of information so that the receiver understands our message.
Not too little, or too much, as that might confuse. A manipulator though would
play with that quantity of information. They may omit certain pieces they
consider irrelevant. Most especially if it is likely to work against their argument.
This is known as "lying by omission."
Quality
Refers to the "accuracy" of the information provided. Truthful
communication is one of High Quality. If we were to violate this maxim, then
the receiver hears intentional mistruths. This is "outright lying," to gain the
manipulator power.
Relation
Here, we talk about the "relevance" of the information to the message. To
confuse or sidestep an awkward question, the manipulator may go off topic.
This is a way of changing the subject, for the sole purpose of misleading. It
could be to hide their own weaknesses. Or even to over-emphasize on
something that will give them more power over their listener.
Manner
The "presentation" of the message. An important aspect of this is body
language. We read inflections and facial expressions as we listen. A manipulator
may exaggerate these to mislead the presentation of the message. This is all in
the aim to emphasize their own agenda.
 Lying to manipulate or persuade someone is not a new concept. It is
though, a method that is becoming particularly potent in the modern world.
Online communication and social media do not always involve face-to-face
contact. This makes it easier to tell mistruths or exaggerate information. A
manipulator may in their elements with such communications.

4 Nudge
Not all manipulation is sinister. Sometimes we may be manipulated to
help us make the right decisions for our own good. To do this, the Nudge
Theory is particularly useful. The Nudge Theory expands positive
reinforcement, by using small nudges.
Skinner's studies or behaviorism, show how useful this theory can be.
With positive reinforcement, such as rewards, it can manipulate people into
behaving in the manner that you are hoping to encourage.
One example of "nudging" can be seen in this example. Adding
exceptionally high priced items on a menu may seem counterproductive. Yet,
the result of this actually increased the sales of the second highest priced item.
The customers were given a "nudge" in the right direction, but for the benefit of
the restauranteur.

The Nudge Theory is not only effective in economics. It can be used to

encourage behavioral changes and influencing personal choices. Even accepted
social norms can be manipulated to changes, in this way.
Nudging is so successful, that in 2010, the British Government set up a
Department Behavioral Insights Team. This was to help develop policies. The
department was referred to as the Nudge Unit.
There can be obvious benefits of using "nudges" to influence people. It is
still a form of psychological manipulation that can infringe on an individual's
civil liberties.

5 Social Manipulation
 This type of manipulation is also known as psychological manipulation. It
is often a tool for politicians, or other groups of powerful people who are used
to advancing their own interests. In its worst form, it is a means of social
control. By taking away individuality, it coerces the populace into accepting
what is given to them. Though it can have a positive side when used to help
with personal issues, such as improving health and wellbeing.
Those in power who use social manipulation may use distractive
techniques to deflect from important issues. They would argue that their
proposals are for the benefit of the populace, and the benefit of your family and
its future. Anything you think personally, that might be different, is wrong and
selfish. This type of persuasion is very paternalistic, almost treating individuals
as if they were all children. This “system” will strive to make the crowds
believe the things that have gone wrong are, in fact, their own fault. The only
way to resolve the problem is to listen to the guidance of those who know
better.
Such a political strategy would bring to forefront one social problem, only
to hide another. It is a tactic to cause social unrest and panic among the
populace. By creating unease in society, the populace will begin to demand
changes. An example could be that the department wishes to hide the problems
health care. So, they decrease the budget in crime prevention, causing crime
statistics to rocket. The populace will receive information to coerce them into
believing the best way forward for the crime problem. The politicians will feed
propaganda, by disseminating their own truths and facts. It may not always be
true, or it may be information that is exaggerated, such as misuse of statistics.
This type of social manipulation could take years to get the end result that the
manipulator requires.
The use of psychological manipulation is all a part of social influence.
Does this make us all social puppets? To some degree, it does. Most of us
comply and conform to what is expected of us to avoid a society of chaos.
 Think for a moment, what is the latest gadget or home improvement
product that you would like to buy? Is it something a friend told you about, or a
neighbor owns? Chances are it is something that someone else has, or you’ve
read that it’s popular on the internet, and that makes you desire it. This is
another side of social manipulation. We can be so easily swayed if we let our
guard down. Whether that is a good or bad thing, depends on how you
personally view it.
As mentioned earlier, not all social manipulation is a bad thing. it can
have positive aspects. The word "manipulation" might conjure up thoughts of a
villainous individual/s bending you to their will. But, used correctly, social
manipulation can help the populace, as a whole. Good examples of social
manipulation are the "5 a day campaigns." Health specialists attempt to
convince us to eat more fruit and vegetables. Or even the "stop smoking
campaigns," which have resulted in reduced numbers of smokers. The result of
which is a reduction in smoking-related diseases. This is coercion at its best.

6 Gaslighting
This is perhaps the cruelest form of manipulation. It is a means of casting
into doubt on the sanity and self-esteem of a person. You could say it is sowing
the seeds of doubt into the victim of manipulation. Working on a similar
principle such as "knowing you are being told repeated lies." Until eventually
you begin to believe the lies as the truth.

It is an unkind form of manipulation. The gas-lighter will cause their

victim to lose all confidence in their own credibility. This leads to completely
destroying their own self-worth. All because they begin to doubt themselves.
That is the intention of gaslighting, to reduce the victim to a psychological
mess. The manipulator will constantly put their target down by contradicting
them. Also by convincing them that they are always wrong. Sometimes to the
point that the victim will be accused of telling lies. This is why the victim loses
all self-esteem. When that happens, they become ruled by the domineering
influencer. It is a form of mental abuse, often seen in abusive personal
relationships. The influencer will use constant techniques to make their victim
doubt themselves. Even to the point of doubting their own memories, by
denying things they’ve said and done.

Gaslighting takes a while before it is fully effective. The manipulator will

wear his/her victim down over a long period of time. This type of manipulation
is so insidious that it can eventually lead to the victim doubting their own
sanity.

Dr. George Simon PhD is a Clinical Psychologist at a Texas university.

He has studied people with disturbing personalities. The results of his studies
caused him to believe that certain types of personalities, particularly
psychopaths, are very adept at manipulation. They will distort the truth and use
aggressive language, to set the wheels of doubt in motion in their victim's
thoughts. Eventually, the target will lose confidence in their own judgment.
They may feel shame and they will come to believe that the manipulator is
right. This puts the target under the manipulator's control.
 Chapter 4: Techniques Used In Dark
Psychology Secrets

Most psychological techniques have a dual purpose – they can be used for
both dark psychology and white psychology. What differs is the intent of the
person employing the techniques.

In this chapter, we will concern ourselves with psychological techniques

employed to achieve nefarious intents.
 Dark persuasion
Persuasion is by far the most employed psychological technique. Most of
the time, it is used for White psychology. As a tool for White psychology,
almost all of us have used it in one way or another. However, very few of us
have employed persuasion as a dark psychology tool.

Before we venture into the depth of Dark persuasion, let’s look at the
crucial components of persuasion as a whole.

What is persuasion?
Persuasion is a psychological technique of presenting arguments in such a
way that motivates, influences, or changes a person’s attitude, or behavior in
order to achieve the desired outcome.

Persuasion tips
The following are important tips you need to master in order to become
successfully persuasive:

Do your research – to gain knowledgeable authoritative

Be a thought leader – to guide people in your thoughts
Be confident
Appeal to emotions

Use rhetoric statements and assertions :

Keep sarcasm to the minimum

Sound reasonable
Watch reactions
Be subtle in responses
Actively listen
 Suggest, don’t demand
Be actively observant
Be emotionally intelligent
Persuasion tactics
The following are basic yet important persuasion tactics:

Use the name of the person you are engaging with

Make a personal connection
Build rapport
Create an opportunity for reciprocity
Use motivating words
Be dynamic and adaptive – like a chameleon, change to suit
your target’s uniqueness (no blanket approach). Use NLP’s mirroring and
matching technique.
Take advantage of the Bandwagon effect
Create some scarcity in the mind of the person you are
persuading
Inspire curiosity through deliberate information gap (suspense)
Use a foot in the door tactic – make a small request that opens
the door wider for an eventual big request
Clearly, point out the benefit of your proposition to the person
you are persuading. Remember everyone subconsciously asks, “what is in it for
me?”
 The Bandwagon effect
Bandwagon effect refers to that effect a crowd or group of people has on
its constituent member.

The following are some characteristic attributes of the bandwagon effect:

The herd mentality – people are persuaded to follow each other

Social proof - people tend to follow the most popular cause of
action. For example, decrying negative social proof (such as littering, logging,
bad sexual behavior, bingeing, smoking, etc) may actually promote it. For
example, in case of 20% absenteeism, instead of the manager decrying that
there is an increase of absenteeism from the previous 15% to now 20%, the
manager should also reinforce positive social proof by pointing out to the
majority who have remained not absent (i.e. 80%) and talk of the 20% as few
spoilt apples that should be minimized.
Deception
Deception refers consciously and deliberately promoting that which is not
true with the aim of covering-up, misleading, or promoting a belief, concept or
idea with the aim of manipulating the recipient to act or respond in a certain
predetermined way.

In other words, deception is manipulation of appearances such that they

convey a false reality.

The core essence of deception is to disguise. Some of the common

deception methods include:

Propaganda – propagating false information and packaging it as

truth or facts
 Camouflage – disguising the true nature of things. For example,
a spy using philanthropy to penetrate a community.
Pretension – taking a form that is false from the true form. For
example pretending to be innocent while guilty, pretending to be sick while
well, pretending to grief while inside you are celebrating, etc.
Mystification – creating a supernatural sense by hoarding truth
and acting in a way that appears supernormal. This makes you attractive to
those who are prone to beliefs.
Paltering – speak or act in such a manner that bamboozles
people and as such draw their attention away from themselves and towards you.
Eventually, you manipulate their attention towards achieving your own set
goals. Conjurers, magicians, and actors employ this tactic.
Types of deception
Deception occurs in two primary forms:

Lie by commission (dissimulation) – this is the active part of the

deception. In lie by the commission, a person deceives or lies directly by
deliberately altering material facts.
Lie by omission(simulation) – lie by omission is indirect. In this
regard, a person engaged in deception does not deliberately alter material facts.
Rather, the person knowingly and deliberately conceals material facts, which he
or she knows that would have altered the decision of the person being deceived.
Dupery
Dupery is an act of deception. However, dupery goes further too selfishly
gain from the victim. In dupery, the manipulator sets traps or baits into which
the victim falls in and then gets exploited for selfish or nefarious gains.

Indoctrination
Indoctrination is the act of imparting someone with a set of beliefs
without offering that person an opportunity for critical inquiry.
 Indoctrination strategies:
Rote training – this is an act of enforcing information into
people’s memory through repetitive action. For example, uttering certain mantra
during prayers, or counting mala beads while praying.
Affirmation–making people say words that positively approve
certain statements. This way, they are programmed to hold those statements as
true.
Obstruction of truth and facts–this is a deliberate action aimed at
making those being indoctrinated not to access sources of truth or facts. For
example, they can be barred from reading certain books that are deemed
“satanic”. Fear psychology is often employed, like telling people that they will
have nightmares or be visited by vampire spirits in their sleep if they read such
a book.
Confession–everyone one of us has a “sinful” past. We all have
skeletons in our past… things that we did and feel guilty about. One
indoctrination strategy is to force people to confess. Once they confess, they
lose the moral authority to stand upright before the indoctrinators. As such, they
become more submissive toward indoctrination.
Isolation – the main aim of isolation is to cut out someone from
the influence that may make indoctrination impossible or difficult to achieve.
Thus, the victims are cut off from the rest of the family, society or normal
relationships. Isolation is one form of obstruction of truth and facts since the
victims cannot get a second opinion about assertions being made by the
indoctrinators.
Guilt imposition – guilt imposition is closely related to forced
confession. However, in guilt imposition, a sense of guilt is postulated into the
victim’s mind. The victim may be unknowingly ensnared to commit a wrong
and then indoctrinator finds ways to discover it. Later on, the indoctrinator uses
that act to impose guilt on the victim. The primary objective, just as forced
confession, is to lower the victim’s moral standing and hence cower the victim
into psychological submission.
Phobia imposition – phobia is psychological fear. Indoctrinators
induce phobia into their victims such that they find it hard to exist outside the
indoctrinator’s domain. For example, the victim can be told of how the ‘devil’
wants to kill him and the only way to salvation is to leave that devil-infested
home and come to live with the indoctrinator who has the powers to chase away
the devil. There are many forms of phobia imposition. For example, insurance
companies impose phobia on their potential clients by exaggerating the
potential risks that may happen should the potential client not insure the life of
loved ones or property. Governments also prey on their citizens by instilling
phobia, especially when they want their agenda to prevail.
Rituals – rituals have a strong effect on one’s psychology. This
is why most traditions, religions, cults, political organizations, and even some
civil organizations have rituals. For example, it is common for rituals to be
performed prior to prayers, prior to burials, prior to the war, etc. Rituals
enhance a person susceptibility to a certain proposition being advanced by the
indoctrinator.
Induced dependency – induced dependency is commonly
applied by manipulators in a relationship where they want to gain an upper hand
over their victims. For example, imperialist or colonialist entities can perpetuate
poverty in their target society and then pretend to be saviors of that society.
They may dish out conditional aid, conditional grant, etc… with the conditions
carefully crafted to increase dependency and make the victims more susceptible
to exploitation. Since, without this deliberate impoverishment, that particular
society would not have become susceptibly poor or would not have welcomed
the conditional aid and grant, this becomes and induced dependency. In
marriage partners, it is common for an insecure partner to create a condition that
makes the other partner dependent. For example, an insecure husband can push
or trigger his wife to lose employment. Once the wife loses employment, then,
the insecure husband feels comfortably in control of the unemployed wife since
he is the main breadwinner. The wife’s lack of financial independence makes
her become more susceptible to the dictates of the husband.
Punishment – by having a system of tests and exams and
offering incentives for those who pass the indoctrination program.

Characteristics of indoctrination
Unsurprisingly indoctrination takes place in most domains of our lives. It
takes place in our homes (by parents), in schools (by teachers), in public life (by
politicians and governments), etc.

The following are some of the key characteristics of tools used for
indoctrination:

Fear
Dogmatism
Fundamentalism
Cognitive closure
Feeling of inadequacy
Perceived deprivation
Sources of indoctrination
While there are some covert sources of indoctrination, the following are
some of the common overt sources of indoctrination:

Religious institutions
Schools and educational establishments
Media – mainstream, alternative media, social media
Parents
 Politicians
Marriage partners
Brainwashing
Brainwashing refers to erasing from one’s belief system the existing set of
old beliefs and in its place supplanting a new set of beliefs. Brainwashing
happens without someone’s will.

While sometimes, brainwashing is subtle and involuntary, a lot of time it

is violent. For example, we have had forced conversions during the crusade
period and also during the jihad. In the forced conversion, the victims are fully
aware that they are being brainwashed but accept it as a coping mechanism to
avoid greater harm such as death.

Violent brainwashing happens most in the militant cultic or criminal

organizations where victims are trapped and have no exit option.

Potential victims of violent brainwashing include:

Prisoners (especially prisoners of war)

Slaves under captivity
Kidnapped victims
Illegal aliens
In the subtle brainwashing, often the victim voluntarily and unknowingly
accepts brainwashing. In this case, the perpetrator looks out for susceptible
victims who are more malleable. The victims are often in a desperate situation
and thus have a psychological void that desires fulfillment.

The following are some of the potential victims of unknowing

brainwashing:

Those suffering from unknown chronic illness

Minors who have left their home to live alone and often faraway
 Those who have lost their jobs and are in deep despair
Those who have lost their loved ones, especially through
divorce or death
Common steps in brainwashing
The following are some of the common steps taken by brainwashers to
brainwash their victims:

1. Isolation
2. Attack on self-esteem
3. subjugation
4. Testing
5. Love bombing
Isolation
The brainwasher knows that a person’s family or close circle can easily
notice what is happening and thus rescue the victim. As such, the first step they
take is to isolate the victim from close family and friends.

Some, like cultic leaders, can instill negativities about close family and
friends. This brings division between the victim and loved ones and thus breeds
psychological isolation. For example, a cultic leader can claim that your closest
friend is a psychic vampire that drains your energy thus making you chronically
ill and as such, you ought to keep off from that friend. Since you are sick and
desperate, you are likely to follow this brainwashing tactic and thus find
yourself isolated from the very person who could have saved you from
brainwashing.

Attack on self-esteem
It is only a victim who has self-doubt, low self-confidence, and on the
overall suffers from low self-esteem that can easily be brainwashed. As such,
the brainwasher seeks to achieve this state in the victim by attacking the
victim’s self-esteem.

Some of the ways by which the brainwasher attacks the victim’s self-
esteem include:

Verbal and physical abuse – this often applied in violent

brainwashing where the brainwasher uses abuse as a means of demeaning the
victim so that the victim loses self-worth.
Sleep deprivation – a sleep-deprived person is more likely to
submit to psychological pressure since there is lack of full consciousness. It is
much easier for a sleep-deprived person to submit to brainwashing instructions
just to have an opportunity to be left alone and sleep.
Intimidation–Intimidation is one of the tactics employed by
brainwashers to push someone into involuntary submission. For example, the
threat of punishment is a form of intimidation.
Embarrassment – this is used especially if the victim has some
dark secret that he or she wouldn’t like to be revealed. For example, a
brainwasher may resort to using tricks to obtain nude photos of a potential
victim or trick such a victim into marital infidelity. Once the brainwasher
acquires these materials, he/she starts subtly embarrassing the victim. In this
subtle embarrassment, the brainwasher doesn’t reveal the materials to the public
but uses generalized terms that insinuate immorality on the part of the victim.
The victim knows where the cues are leading to and thus does everything
possible to dissuade the brainwasher from revealing these embarrassing
contents. Thus, the brainwasher attains an upper hand which he/she uses to
brainwash the victim. For example, the victim could be forced into performing
rituals that wear the victim’s self-worth and self-esteem thus becoming deeply
captive to the brainwasher. Eventually, the victim may be infected by the
Stockholm syndrome, where, instead of acting against the brainwasher, acts to
protect the brainwasher – an act, which, subconsciously is more about
protecting the “secrets” (embarrassing content).
Scarcity creation such as rationing of basic necessities and only
released upon the victim’s obedient performance.
Subjugation
Brainwashers seek to bring the victim under their absolute control so that
the victims become absolutely obedient.

The following are some of the tactics used to achieve subjugation:

Extreme abuse
Us -vs- Them
Love bombing
Extreme abuse

The victim is passed through extreme abuse. Almost often emotional and
psychological abuses are employed. Physical abuse is only employed in violent
brainwashing. Physical abuse is not employed in the subtle brainwashing.

Us -vs- Them

The victim is coerced to make a choice between the brainwasher and the
rest of the world. However, the victim is not granted an exit option.

The victim is introduced to those who are already brainwashed and thus
praise the brainwasher. In case the victim still thinks of “them” (the outside
world) as an option, the victim continues to be subjected to extreme abuse until
he or she comes the ultimate choice of belonging to “us”, that is, joining the rest
of the brainwashed subjects.

Testing
Testing happens to establish whether the victim has ultimately made the
“us’ choice and no longer desires to join “them”. It is also done to test the
victim’s level of obedience.

Sometimes, under secret control, the victim may be released to “them”

(the rest of the world) on the condition that he or she should return on a certain
date. The victim is then secretly monitored to see whether he/she desires to
return to “us” (the brainwashed group).

If the victim does not desire to return to “us”, then, the victim is
kidnapped and returned to the fold upon which the vicious cycle begins.

On the other hand, if the victim voluntarily returns to us, then, the victim
is taken to the next stage, that is, love bombing.

More often than not, due to isolation and induced dependency, even if the
victim desires to rejoin “them”, the victim finds it such a long journey to
recovery and hence prefers getting back to “us” rather than starting all over
again to rebuild the lost life.

Love bombing
Once tests are done and prove that the victim has been effectively
brainwashed, love bombing is applied to galvanize the victim into the fold.

Love bombing could be in the form of praising, promotion in the order of

subjects, receiving gifts, etc.
 Dark seduction
Dark seduction refers to the use of dark psychological tools to entice
someone into engaging in a relationship that satisfies seducer’s self-interest
with no apparent benefit to the seduce.

A dark seducer orchestrates the victim’s longings to suit his/her selfish

desires.

While seduction is traditionally related to the opposite sex, it can also be

of the same gender and asexual.

Dark seduction is not necessarily about sex but taking advantage of sexual
arousal to achieve certain objectives.

When a victim is sexually aroused, the victim becomes less logical and
less rational and thus more susceptible to manipulation.

The following are some of the dark seduction techniques:

Love bombing
erotic expressions
platitudes
gifting
sexual innuendos
The primary objective of dark seduction is to appeal to the primitive Id
within every individual and reduce the effect of anti-cathexis. This makes the
victim break away from super-ego and hence lowers to the primitive level of Id
where hedonism is prevalent.

Erotic actions and rewards are applied to the victim to reinforce this state
of Id and completely wear off the super-ego and anti-cathexis.

More often than not, indoctrination and brainwashing can be applied to

facilitate the wearing off the super-ego.
 Hypnotization
Hypnotization is the act of drawing a person’s mind to a receptively
vulnerable state that is irresistibly open to your suggestions.

A hypnotized person is like a sleep-walker whose consciousness is deeply

focused on the act of walking and completely isolated to signals emanating
from the rest of the environment.

While in that state of hypnotism, the hypnotized person cannot

consciously draw references from external sources but only from the
suggestions. The person either largely or completely loses peripheral awareness.
Thus, the person’s mind is trapped into some sort of a conscious bubble that is
impermeable to intrusive signals from the rest of awareness.

Hypnotic induction
Hypnotic induction refers to employing a series of preliminary
instructions and suggestions to draw someone into hypnosis.

Key features of hypnosis:

Concentrated attention to a single object or idea

Isolation from peripheral awareness
Increased reception to suggestions
Dark vs white hypnosis
The difference between white and dark hypnosis rests in the intent of the
hypnotist. Dark hypnosis is intended to exploit the hypnotic person for selfish
gains by the hypnotist.

White hypnosis is intended to improve the condition of the hypnotic by

helping the hypnotic snap out from a traumatic or harmful state of
consciousness.

Hypnotherapy is the most common type of white hypnosis. White

hypnosis is often referred to as therapeutic hypnosis.

Hypnotherapy
Hypnotherapy is a form of white hypnotic induction practiced by medical
practitioners for therapeutic purposes. The main aim is to help a patient heal
from psychological, emotional, emotional, and even physical trauma.

Hypnotherapy can be used in pain relief in such a manner that enables the
patient to dissociate himself from the source of the pain thus lessening
sensitivity to that pain.

Facts about hypnosis:

It is voluntary
It is willful
Children are more susceptible to hypnotism than adults
15% of people are highly susceptible to hypnotism
10% of people can hardly be hypnotized
Those people who are easily absorbed in fantasies are more
susceptible to hypnotism
 Negative effects of Dark hypnotic induction
There are many victims of dark hypnotic induction. The following are
some of the common causes of dark hypnotic induction:

Being hypnotized to such an extent that you willfully give your

possession to the hypnotist
Being hypnotized such that you willfully open your door to
robbers
Being hypnotized such that you voluntarily follow kidnappers to
their den
 Chapter 5: How To Recognize The Art Of
Manipulation

It’s interesting to see that manipulation has been around for a long time,
and that is not a new or imaginary concept. Understanding what the art of
persuasion is really all about is vital, to help you to deal with it.

In this chapter, we will look briefly at the psychology of manipulation.

This allows us to see where it might occur in our lives. It will also help you in
identifying those who might attempt to manipulate you. It is not only about
people who like to dominate. If we don't know it is happening to us, might be
encouraged to act in ways that are incongruous to our normal personality and
behavior. Learn how commerce can persuade customers into buying their goods
and services. Recognizing such methods will help in dealing with the power of
persuasion.

We like to believe that we are individuals who make sensible choices. In

our personal journey of life, we do not always have full control, and we don't
always realize this. As children, we are influenced by our parents and have little
control over how we raised. Once in the education system, we are further
manipulated. The teachers will tell us all about the social norms and what is
expected of us in society. As adults, we are lured in by politicians trying to get
their share of votes. Many are persuaded to vote for a party because of what
they promise for the future, even if they don’t necessarily believe in their
policies. This gives such politicians power, and their decisions will affect our
lives. Are we really in control of our lives, or are we merely influenced by those
who know all the tricks of persuasion?
 Later in this book, we will look at how to deal with various manipulative
methods, even sometimes covert. First, you need to learn to recognize when you
are being manipulated so you can counteract it. For this purpose, we will now
look at what the experts say on how this sort of behavior can exist among us.
 Are you feeling manipulated?
What then, in our everyday lives, do we need to be wary of?

Persuasive Language
The idiom that every picture tells a story, is very true. Words can be so
much more powerful as they inspire and encourage us, even to the point of
manipulation. How many times have you been inspired by a good orator, whose
daring speech motives you into action? Words even influence when we are lost
completely in a great book. The art of words can be so influential in coercing us
to believe something, even when our eyes tell us differently. Communication is
a powerful tool, especially when it comes to making people do things.
 Six Theories on Psychological Manipulation

1 Cognitive
There are many well recognized psychological processes in theories
regarding the art of persuasion. One of those is the Cognitive Response model,
developed by Anthony Greenwald in 1968. It is still relevant today for
determining some factors in persuasion. It is also a model used extensively in
the world of advertising.

Greenwald suggested that:

It is not the words of the message that determines the success of

persuasion, but more the emotions of the receiver. The internal monologue of
the one receiving the message will be deciding factor on how easy they are
influenced.Such internal thoughts will include positive and negative aspects,
according to the individual’s own personality. This not a learning process, but
more based on whether the person already views the message with favorable or
unfavorable thought processes (cognitions).

Overcoming any counter-arguments will rely on the expertise of the

persuader. They should stop their target from having sufficient time to construct
any counter-arguments. The persuader must encourage positive arguments to
come to the forefront. This gives the "persuasion effect" a better chance of
success.

Persuasion can be more difficult if the intended target has been

forewarned. It allows the target time to build their own counter-arguments, if
the "message" is counter-intuitive to their present cognitions. The importance in
pre-warning can be seen in research conducted by Richard E. Petty, in 1977.
The study showed that students given notice about a certain event were less
likely to be persuaded that those who had no pre-warning.

2 Reciprocity
 Another well-studied explanation for how we might be open to the power
of persuasion is the Rule of Reciprocity. This is based on a principle related to
social conventions. If someone does you a favor, or does something good for
you, then you are more likely to feel obliged to return the favor.

The Rule of Reciprocity can also happen subconsciously. Without even

realizing it, you may agree to an action or favor asked of you by the requester.
All because at some point they had done something for you, and you feel in
their debt. You may feel obliged even if the request is something you would
normally decline.

It is an effect widely used by companies who are looking to make sales.

Often companies give out free samples, or time-limited trials. This is not
without a motive. It is in the hope that the customer feels obliged to return the
favor, and buy the product or continue with the agreement.

Reciprocity is a recognized psychological process. It is an adaptive

behavior which would have increased our chances of survival in the past. By
helping others, it is likely that at some later point they will help you. Though, it
can also have negative effects. If someone does something bad to you, then you
may be driven by the rules of reciprocity to exact your revenge.

The Rule of Reciprocity is well supported by academic research. Burger

et al (2009), suggested that a group of participants were more likely to agree to
a request if the requester had previously done them a favor.

3 Information Manipulation
A powerful tool in the manipulator's armory. This is a method of being
outright deceitful. It is a means of providing limited and confusing information
to the victim. The effect of this will unbalance their way of thinking, making
them vulnerable. It can also incorporate the use of intentional body language, to
persuade and manipulate someone.
 A study by McCornack et al. (1992) showed the different ways a message
can be falsified to assist in the manipulation process. McCornack's theory has a
premise of four maxims, in a truthful statement. A breach of any of these will
render the message as intentionally deceitful. The four maxims are:
 Quantity
This is the "amount" of information provided. Most of us seek to provide
the right amount of information so that the receiver understands our message.
Not too little, or too much, as that might confuse. A manipulator though would
play with that quantity of information. They may omit certain pieces they
consider irrelevant. Most especially if it is likely to work against their argument.
This is known as "lying by omission."

Quality
Refers to the "accuracy" of the information provided. Truthful
communication is one of High Quality. If we were to violate this maxim, then
the receiver hears intentional mistruths. This is "outright lying," to gain the
manipulator power.

Relation
Here, we talk about the "relevance" of the information to the message. To
confuse or sidestep an awkward question, the manipulator may go off topic.
This is a way of changing the subject, for the sole purpose of misleading. It
could be to hide their own weaknesses. Or even to over-emphasize on
something that will give them more power over their listener.

Manner
The "presentation" of the message. An important aspect of this is body
language. We read inflections and facial expressions as we listen. A manipulator
may exaggerate these to mislead the presentation of the message. This is all in
the aim to emphasize their own agenda.

Lying to manipulate or persuade someone is not a new concept. It is

though, a method that is becoming particularly potent in the modern world.
Online communication and social media do not always involve face-to-face
contact. This makes it easier to tell mistruths or exaggerate information. A
manipulator may in their elements with such communications.

4 Nudge
Not all manipulation is sinister. Sometimes we may be manipulated to
help us make the right decisions for our own good. To do this, the Nudge
Theory is particularly useful. The Nudge Theory expands positive
reinforcement, by using small nudges.

Skinner's studies or behaviorism, show how useful this theory can be.
With positive reinforcement, such as rewards, it can manipulate people into
behaving in the manner that you are hoping to encourage.

One example of "nudging" can be seen in this example. Adding

exceptionally high priced items on a menu may seem counterproductive. Yet,
the result of this actually increased the sales of the second highest priced item.
The customers were given a "nudge" in the right direction, but for the benefit of
the restauranteur.

Richard Thaler, considered the father of the Nudge Theory, was awarded
the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences. His contribution to behavioral
economics was considered quite momentous. Nudge Theory gives positive
reinforcement, or as Thaler described it, it gives "nudges."

The Nudge Theory is not only effective in economics. It can be used to

encourage behavioral changes and influencing personal choices. Even accepted
social norms can be manipulated to changes, in this way.

Nudging is so successful, that in 2010, the British Government set up a

Department Behavioral Insights Team. This was to help develop policies. The
department was referred to as the Nudge Unit.
 There can be obvious benefits of using "nudges" to influence people. It is
still a form of psychological manipulation that can infringe on an individual's
civil liberties.

5. Social Manipulation
This type of manipulation is also known as psychological manipulation. It
is often a tool for politicians, or other groups of powerful people who are used
to advancing their own interests. In its worst form, it is a means of social
control. By taking away individuality, it coerces the populace into accepting
what is given to them. Though it can have a positive side when used to help
with personal issues, such as improving health and wellbeing.

Those in power who use social manipulation may use distractive

techniques to deflect from important issues. They would argue that their
proposals are for the benefit of the populace, and the benefit of your family and
its future. Anything you think personally, that might be different, is wrong and
selfish. This type of persuasion is very paternalistic, almost treating individuals
as if they were all children. This “system” will strive to make the crowds
believe the things that have gone wrong are, in fact, their own fault. The only
way to resolve the problem is to listen to the guidance of those who know
better.

Such a political strategy would bring to forefront one social problem, only
to hide another. It is a tactic to cause social unrest and panic among the
populace. By creating unease in society, the populace will begin to demand
changes. An example could be that the department wishes to hide the problems
health care. So, they decrease the budget in crime prevention, causing crime
statistics to rocket. The populace will receive information to coerce them into
believing the best way forward for the crime problem. The politicians will feed
propaganda, by disseminating their own truths and facts. It may not always be
true, or it may be information that is exaggerated, such as misuse of statistics.
This type of social manipulation could take years to get the end result that the
manipulator requires.

The use of psychological manipulation is all a part of social influence.

Professor Preston Ni, Communication Studies, published an article in
Psychology Today. He indicates that one party recognizes another’s
weaknesses. They deliberately set out to cause an imbalance of power. This
enables them to exploit their victims, for their own agenda.

Does this make us all social puppets? To some degree, it does. Most of us
comply and conform to what is expected of us to avoid a society of chaos.

Think for a moment, what is the latest gadget or home improvement

product that you would like to buy? Is it something a friend told you about, or a
neighbor owns? Chances are it is something that someone else has, or you’ve
read that it’s popular on the internet, and that makes you desire it. This is
another side of social manipulation. We can be so easily swayed if we let our
guard down. Whether that is a good or bad thing, depends on how you
personally view it.

As mentioned earlier, not all social manipulation is a bad thing. it can

have positive aspects. The word "manipulation" might conjure up thoughts of a
villainous individual/s bending you to their will. But, used correctly, social
manipulation can help the populace, as a whole. Good examples of social
manipulation are the "5 a day campaigns." Health specialists attempt to
convince us to eat more fruit and vegetables. Or even the "stop smoking
campaigns," which have resulted in reduced numbers of smokers. The result of
which is a reduction in smoking-related diseases. This is coercion at its best.

6 Gaslighting
This is perhaps the cruelest form of manipulation. It is a means of casting
into doubt on the sanity and self-esteem of a person. You could say it is sowing
the seeds of doubt into the victim of manipulation. Working on a similar
principle such as "knowing you are being told repeated lies." Until eventually
you begin to believe the lies as the truth.

It is an unkind form of manipulation. The gas-lighter will cause their

victim to lose all confidence in their own credibility. This leads to completely
destroying their own self-worth. All because they begin to doubt themselves.
That is the intention of gaslighting, to reduce the victim to a psychological
mess. The manipulator will constantly put their target down by contradicting
them. Also by convincing them that they are always wrong. Sometimes to the
point that the victim will be accused of telling lies. This is why the victim loses
all self-esteem. When that happens, they become ruled by the domineering
influencer. It is a form of mental abuse, often seen in abusive personal
relationships. The influencer will use constant techniques to make their victim
doubt themselves. Even to the point of doubting their own memories, by
denying things they’ve said and done.

Gaslighting takes a while before it is fully effective. The manipulator will

wear his/her victim down over a long period of time. This type of manipulation
is so insidious that it can eventually lead to the victim doubting their own
sanity.

Dr. George Simon PhD is a Clinical Psychologist at a Texas university.

He has studied people with disturbing personalities. The results of his studies
caused him to believe that certain types of personalities, particularly
psychopaths, are very adept at manipulation. They will distort the truth and use
aggressive language, to set the wheels of doubt in motion in their victim's
thoughts. Eventually, the target will lose confidence in their own judgment.
They may feel shame and they will come to believe that the manipulator is
right. This puts the target under the manipulator's control.

Gaslighting is not only restricted to individuals acting on one other. It can

be argued that it also has political uses. Columnist and author Maureen Dowd is
one to follow this belief. She argued that Clinton's administration used gas
lighting techniques against a political opponent. Newt Gingrich, a member of
the opposing political party, was often goaded into appearing hysterical. Some
journalists and psychologists argue that Donald Trump also used gas-lighting
techniques. Not only during his presidential campaign but also whilst in office.
They argue he frequently says one thing, then denies he ever said it, which is
classic gas-lighting.
 Your partner is manipulating you
Let’s look at some examples of how manipulation manifests itself in
personal relationships. Perhaps you can see some of these traits in yours?

Manipulators are always control-freaks. The more control they

have, the more they sink their teeth into the victim.

They will violate other people's personal boundaries. It could

come in the form of snooping and spying, or even more bold open actions. To
enable them to do this, you will be allowed nothing personal, such as your
phone or computer. They will pry your passwords from you, in some sly way.
At the same time, they jealously guard their own boundaries, being the first to
complain if their personal space is breached.

They may force your hand, such as stopping you from seeing
your own friends. They do not want to share what is theirs, and you are their
property. To start with they will show you that they don't like your friends.
Inside, they see them as a threat. Jealousy is taken to the extreme and may even
become aggressive.

If you make a decision without them, they will not be happy.

They don’t want you to have free will, otherwise one day that decision may be
to leave them!

Their control may appear in the form of advice, though you have
little or no choice but to accept it. They are not advising you, they are
instructing you in what to do, and how to behave.
 It is not unusual, in fact, it is usually essential that a
manipulative partner will want to know your daily routine. Step out of that
routine, and they will interrogate you for it.

You may notice that they often criticize anything you say,
particularly in public. Belittling your opinions and thoughts gives them a sense
of, “they know best.” Another means of imposing their power over you.

Not only do they enjoy putting you down, but they may go the
extra mile. Accusing you of lying or having a bad memory, or even having the
cheek to call you the manipulator.

You can never please a controlling manipulator. If you think you

have got to that point, they move their own goal posts. This is a relationship
whereby you never know exactly where you stand.

If you are in a manipulative and abusive relationship, then no doubt it will

be an unhappy one. Manipulators can be very unpredictable. Often, they turn to
rage at what they see as a violation of their rules.

It is not easy to break out of such a relationship, but there are some
agencies that can help. When you can do this safely, search the web for local
organizations that assist victims of abusive partners. Don’t forget to delete your
browsing history because nothing is private from a manipulator. The stress in on
your own safety, but you must seek that help.
 Your friends are manipulating you
Is it always easy to make friends in a new environment? Of course not!
Sometimes it is extremely intimidating and at other times, downright hostile.
Other times, you feel like fish out of water. Everybody needs friends and
learning how to attract them is an important life skill we should all have.
Human beings are fundamentally social animals who seek out the company of
others and there are very few exceptions to that rule.

Choosing friends – Drawing the kind of friends you’d like to have

Here are three broad categories of friends:

Hello-Bye-bye friends (acquaintances)

These are people who become your friends almost automatically, by

virtue of finding yourselves in the same environment, like your workplace, for
example. You say “hello” when you meet the first time in the day and you say
“bye-bye” as you wind up for the day. Once away from the shared environment,
these friends (which are actually only acquaintances) rarely have any further
involvement with you. They’re nice to know and they can be valuable allies,
due to their skills, but they’re not necessarily the sort of people you can count
on one hand. (The Greeks say that you can count true friends on one hand –
that’s something to keep in mind).

The Average Buddy

Drinking buddies, golf buddies, shopping pals – fun time friends come
and go. They share with you the things about life that make it fun, because
they’re fun. They like to laugh and enjoy your company. The lighter side of
life is where these friends are going to pop up. These aren’t necessarily people
you engage in long conversations about the meaning of life, or the reality of
climate change. This is your loose social circle, developed over time, that
enjoys a good time as much as you do. They come and go and when you meet, a
good time is had by all, but there’s little in the way of depth in the relationship.

Soul friends

These are the 3:00 am phone call friends. You know they’ll be ready to
talk if you wake them from a sound sleep. These are the people you can go on a
road trip with and not want to kill before you’ve even hit Route 66.

Long, probing conversations, shared secrets and mutual support are what
these friends are all about. People who stick with you, through thick and thin,
are soul friends. They’re the people who have an intimate understanding of
what makes you tick and you return the favor. Some of these friends may be
with you from childhood until death. Others, you may pick up along the way.
What distinguishes them from the hello bye-byes and average buddies is the
depth of the relationship. You may go years without seeing a soul friend, but
when you finally meet up again, it’s as though no time has passed. You pick up
where you left off, because you know each other so well and you were meant to
be friends. These are the ones who are the hardest to find and also the ones you
long for. Soul friends are a reflection of who we are and what we really care
about. Even more than that, they’re the people we know we can always count
on, because they know exactly who we are.

Forming genuine friendships takes time

True friends are not made overnight. True, lasting and intimate
friendships evolve over time, due to a genuine chemistry that exists between the
people involved. Like romantic relationships, friendships are based in a
fundamental chemical exchange which speaks to both parties like a song. You
know when it’s real. You can’t create these bonds. They’re pre-existing
realities that you can only recognize and act on. When true friends; soul friends
come into your life, the impact will be unforgettable. You will know
immediately that the person you’ve just met is intended to be with you (in
whatever capacity) until the end of your life. Soul friends may not always be at
our side, physically, but they will always be at our side, spiritually. Where ever
we are and whatever we’re doing, we know they’re there. We know we can
pick up the phone, call and find them ready to talk to us. These are the friends
who are with us until we’re no longer living and breathing. That’s what makes
them so special and so incredibly important.

While we may recognize a soul friend at first sight, the world is not a
place in which bonds are easily formed on this level. Soul friends, despite the
distrust we’ve all learned to live with in the modern world, will look beyond
that initial reticence and continue showing up. They won’t give up. They’ll
seek you out, even when they don’t know they’re doing it and you’ll do the
same. Over time, the bond will become unbreakable and you will have made a
friend for life.

Here is how you can become adept at making new friends:

Don’t over think

Have you been apprehensive about meeting someone only for you to feel
at home with them in the first two minutes of meeting? The fact is that if you
are meeting a person for the first time, you have no idea how they are or how
they behave. Why bother analyzing everything half to death?

And again, assuming that meeting with a new person is bound to be scary
only serves to make you fearful of the moment. The fear then makes you wary
of the meeting; sometimes even making you detest it. In fact, for the most part,
the reason you find yourself feeling somewhat shy towards a person is because
of the fear you are harboring of having an encounter with them, or anyone else
for that matter. Life makes us into individual silos of isolation. It makes us
suspicious. Bad experiences with other people can stunt our ability to form the
kind of bonds we’re actually hungry for – the kind of bonds that last a life time.
The best solution, therefore, is to disabuse yourself of the notion that meeting
people you are not familiar with is scary. Stop over-thinking about how to carry
out that first conversation; how to connect with people who are actually the kind
of people you need in your life. Overthinking the forging of the most important
connections in our lives can make of us sad, isolated people who never really
connect with others in the profound and lasting way that human beings were
intended to connect.

After all, who is to tell if the other party is not anxious about meeting
you? We’re all anxious in these latter days. We’re all suspicious and nervous
and continually asking ourselves if the people we meet have the right
motivations; if they’re genuine. Most of us are thinking the same thing. We’ve
lost our trust in one another.

So relax and create in your mind a positive image of that first encounter; a
healthy image. In any case, there are plenty of people out there who may judge
you unfairly on your first encounter. Everyone carries around a collection of
cultural assumptions about the composition of people who are worth knowing.
You have them too. The trick is to open yourself to others and to allow the
universe to connect you. It works very well, if you’ll allow it to happen.
People worth having as friends know better than to judge a person on
superficial grounds. In summary, fear is in your mind – get rid of it! Let go of
your accumulated fears and presuppositions and, instead, rely on your intuitive
powers and your newly-established ability to read people. You know enough to
understand when people are honest or not. You’ve learned to read their
mannerisms, their speech patterns, their facial expressions and other non-verbal
indicators about who they are. Trust yourself and your knowledge. You’re
more than ready to sift the wheat from the chaff, which means there’s absolutely
nothing to fear; no cause for suspicion or reticence.

You’re now more than ready to throw yourself out into the social whirl
and find the kind of people who deserve to have as friends. With your new
skills, rooted in the practice of social psychology, you’re going to be able to
establish rather quickly who is naughty and who is nice. The Big Bad Wolf is
out there, but you’re not Little Red Riding Hood anymore. You’re now a
proficient and capable, socially aware person. No one’s pulling the wool over
your eyes anymore. With your new knowledge, it will be easy for you to
discern, from the people you meet, who is going to be the kind of friend you
need in your life. There’s no more guesswork, because you know the ropes
now.

Move at your own pace

If you have been out of the social scene for a while, you may feel
overwhelmed meeting new people, as you ease yourself back into it (say in a
seminar or even a party). However, you can pre-empt that problem by seeking
out individual friends or acquaintances who you expect to be in attendance.
You can meet with them before the event and catch up. This will put you more
at ease with throwing yourself back into the social whirl. By the time you get to
the event you won’t feel as anxious. For one, you’ll know people who are
going to be there. They can introduce you to other people. For another, your
friends will be aware that you’re anxious. They’ll shepherd you. Never be shy
about reaching out to people you know for support. As we’ve learned in the
course of this book – that’s what friends are for.

Just in case you are you’re seeking to move back into having a social life
again, after having been a little sequestered, here are some great ways to ease
yourself back in:

Begin by reaching out to acquaintances – the hello-bye bye

category is a good place to start. There’s not a lot to lose here.
Extend your social circle to include small groups of people you
are friends with, just to observe the dynamics of people relating; familiarizing
yourself with being around groups of people again. It doesn’t have to be scary.
You can ease yourself back in.
 Expand your social circle by accompanying your friends when
they are meeting with others. Make it known that you’re hoping to move back
into a more active social life. Most people will be happy to help you do that.
Break out of your comfort zone and begin accepting invitations
to mix with people, even those not in your close circle of friends. They say that
you can’t get to the sweetest fruit without going out on a limb, so climb out
there. Learn to relish the opportunity to have new experiences with new
people. You’re learning more about yourself now and about other people. Why
not get out there and put some of that knowledge into practice? After all, why
shouldn’t people want to meet someone as interesting and intelligent as you
are?
Be pro-active in socializing
Once you you’ve become re-acquainted with the practice of seeking out
new social connections and when you are no longer in your solitary cocoon, you
can begin to pro-actively seek out people you know and others who are new to
you. You can begin branching out from the foundation that your friends and
acquaintances have provided by moving further into the social milieu, into areas
that may be a little unfamiliar. For example:

Join a group or groups whose members share your hobbies and

other interests.
Enroll to participate in workshops or to pursue courses of study
which interest you. It’s quite easy to make friends in a group in which all the
members share a common interest.
Volunteer and you’ll be happy to serve as you make new friends
in the process. While you’re at it, you’ll develop skills and aptitudes you may
have hoped to make more viable. In the same way as workshops or groups, the
common core of interest will provide a jumping off point for bonding with
others volunteering with you.
 Accept invitations to birthday parties, various celebrations, and
other social functions. You never know who’ll meet at gatherings like these.
Break through you own barriers. These may be preventing the type of people
you want to connect with from connecting with you.
Be open to attending social events and even “meet ups”, based
on common interests. It also doesn’t hurt to go out to the bar every now and
again. There are people sitting in bars in every city of the world, just looking
for someone interesting to talk to. Maybe, just like you, they’re looking for a
way out of isolation, or social stagnation. Your horizons expand when you
demand that they do. No one is going to push them outward for you.
Join online communities – while these may be located in
cyberspace, but I know personally that they can result in real world friendships.
I’ve made many real world friends on Facebook and other online communities.
Sometimes, it’s easier to share your thoughts in writing, than it is in spoken
conversation. This is just one more avenue for making the kind of lasting
connections you’re hoping to. BONUS: You get to analyze the written
communication style of potential new friends before you actually meet them!
Take the initiative
There's no reason you should wait for others to approach you. They’re
just as reserved as you are, after all. Nobody is born knowing anyone else
unless they’re family and even then, it’s a bit of a crapshoot. You can approach
people to start a conversation, by employing simple questions, like “how are
you” and “where are you from”. It’s not hard and you’ve absolutely nothing to
lose. Be open to the people around you and you’ll be surprised at how readily
they’ll respond to that openness.

Remember you are trying to break the ice between you and a stranger, so
avoid over-talking. Be warm, but not overly insistent and don’t get discouraged
if others don’t respond immediately. Always try to put yourself in the place of
the other person. Employ the lessons you’ve learned in this book to figure out
where they stand and try to meet them there. Be gentle in your judgments of
others, though, remembering always that we all judge one another. Take the
time to let the person you’re engaging revealing themselves to you, just as
they’re hoping you’ll reveal yourself to them.

Fight any temptation to be judgmental

No one’s perfect and that includes you. We tend to evaluate people quite
harshly before we get to know them. This is a function of our survival instinct,
which tells us that the fewer people we allow near us, the less potential there is
for danger. But we’re modern people and we can do better than that. Besides,
you now have in your command a variety of skills concerning non-verbal
language that can help you sift through the people who very obviously aren’t
the sort of folks you’re looking for.

Remaining open to those we meet is the door to better friendships and

more of them. Not writing people off because of petty complaints about the
way they look, or speak, or dress is the best way we can become more flexible
about who we welcome as friends and that’s the real secret. Sometimes, it’s the
most unlikely person who is going to prove to be our very best and long-term
friend. Everyone is looking for the kind of friends we believe we deserve, but
we should always ask ourselves if we meet our own qualifications. You may
find that, in asking yourself this question honestly, you discover shortcomings
in yourself you might not be willing to tolerate in other people. As I’ve said
repeatedly in this book, knowing yourself is the key to knowing other people, so
don’t overlook amending your own challenges before you start writing other
people off as potential friends, due to their own.
 Chapter 6: How The Mechanics Of
Emotional Manipulation Work

Humans are emotional beings with little concern for logic and rationality.
That means humanity is motivated by their emotions more than the reasoning
faculty. That is the rule employed by the media in broadcasting, as they tend to
portray or report incidences with emotional biases that can provoke similar
reactions from the public as the case may be.

One of the most critical factors in analyzing how people respond to

persuasiveness is through their emotions. Emotions release abundant energy to
complete any set task. Even in selling, a prospect cannot buy any product from
you based on all the logic you have to present. He responds to the force of
emotional stimuli, which you were able to ignite in him during your
presentations.

On the other hand, logic is based on facts and figures. That is the
rationality and reasoning behind the issues at hand. Moreover, a salesperson
may not be able to sell anything based on any facts about the product or the
clear logic presented by the marketer concerning his firm and their services.
Nevertheless, if such sales executive hinges his philosophy based on emotions,
he will succeed and make sales.

Do you think humans are rational beings? Are decisions and opinions
based on logic? How do human beings react to facts all the time? These are
arrays of questions a curious person needs to answer to be able to carefully
juxtapose the relationship between emotions and logic and how a person can
apply these two great psychological and intellectual phenomena in influencing
other human beings positively.
 Your ability to convey logical information emotionally will spike of
responses in your audience while a message full of facts and logic with no
emotional appeal will inevitably end without a positive reaction from the
listeners. Logics and reasoning persuade men but emotion is the motion that
compels someone to take a decisive action, which will yield a great result.

Let us analyze some of the ways you can influence others through a blend
of emotions and logic such as:

Establishing a Common Identity with the Other Person

One of the means of controlling people is by creating common ground
with the others as you build rapport as much as possible. There is a saying “It
takes two persons to tangle” before tangling together, both of you must share
common goals, experiences, and ideas. This way, it becomes easier to influence
the person. Common grounds in a partnership or relationship is more
comfortable among persons with the same identity other than people with
different culture. By establishing similarity of character, we are united by the
same goals and objectives, and then our emotions and feelings become the bond
holding us together based on logic and rationale of our collective beliefs that is
our collective vision and mission.

Profoundly Exploring Your Partner’s Belief System

You cannot maintain a deep relationship or mutually satisfying
association with someone you do not know regarding his personality traits and
other necessary human psychological tendencies. Nevertheless, by profoundly
exploring your partner’s belief system, you can understand the person and then
positively influence him or her slightly to your advantage.

Looking for Ways to Captivate his Bias

Influencing a person with a different belief system is very difficult, no
matter the soundness of your logic. Instead, look for ways of captivating his
biases by playing the bias card efficiently. How do you play the bias card? By
looking for some ideas and points, he likes so much and presenting them to him.
With this approach, he will be relaxed and comfortable with you and eventually
give you undue access to his or her private life.

Avoiding Instances of Flight or Fight in Your Discussions

Influencing people based on logic and emotions works best if you
carefully avoid instances of flight or fight during your meetings and
discussions. This is because whenever there are conflicts and misunderstandings
in relationships, rationality and reasoning are misconstrued and objectives are
thwarted. At this point, no matter the emotional inclination on a subject or the
logical notion expressing the pros and cons, it will not make any headway in an
ambiance of fight or flight.
 Chapter 7: Toxic Relationships And
Friendships, As Well As How To Avoid Them

The perfect purpose of a manipulator is to enter into a long-term

relationship with their target and to ensure that they have full control over the
other individual. This is a very unhealthy relationship because only the
manipulator will profit. The equivalent rate of support between the individuals
who are in it will be part of a healthy partnership. But if you’re in a marriage
that seems like you’re always the one that offers, you may be in a relationship
with someone dishonest. A manipulative relationship will be hard to identify
because the manipulation will be subtler than some other types of relationships
toxic. Psychological manipulation may arise when one tries to create a power
imbalance in the hope of taking advantage of another. Manipulation will have
several methods that it can manifest, but the one topic that will continue to
appear between all is that one individual, the manipulator, will benefit, and the
other, the victim, will not and cannot be harmed. There are occasions when
someone ends up in and does not even know a toxic relationship. The
partnership may be quite ordinary, without the stress and complications you’ll
have to encounter later while coping with the manipulator. This will form part
of the coercion method because it helps the manipulator to reach the target and
take control of it without knowing the other individual. Naturally, the
relationship will not begin with the drama or the drain on autonomy or other
tactics that the manipulator will then use. When they started, the goal would see
them right at the start and go the other way through. A different approach will
be taken by the manipulator—one which is slower and slower.

In the beginning, love bombing and a lot of affection are not going to
cause them any problems. When the goal is rooted and often in love, the
manipulator begins changing strategies. It is not going to happen overnight and
can continue for many weeks so that the objective is not reached before the
adjustments are too late. At this stage, the aim has been so spent in and around
the marriage that the issues and abuse are overlooked more than in the past.

Apparently, there are some unique indications that indicate a manipulator

in your own relationship. It is important to look for these indicators if you are
uncertain whether anybody in your marriage is poisonous to you and causing
you trouble or if it is a manipulator:

You are urged to leave your comfort zone in many ways. In order to
ensure that interests are off track, the manipulator will do this socially,
physically, and psychologically. The manipulator can, therefore, be the one with
the upper hand and then be the one in charge along the way.

You’re going to try to rid your confidence. If we begin having little self-
confidence, we will be manipulated more easily, because we are looking for
ways to feel better. That’s why a manipulator is so quick to ship back our trust
to make us feel smaller and never great enough. The operator can take
advantage of our weakness.

The secret treatment. That’s where you take a small slight from the
manipulator to make it a big deal. We will use silent treatment and disregard it
to threaten the goal. All e-mails, chances of voice, texts, emails, and more are
provided. The manipulator manages to keep everything under control and
knows when the silence treatment is over.

The journey with remorse. Neither of us would like to feel guilty of

anything, and if we experience that remorse, we’ll do all we can to make that
shame go away. This is something that the manipulator depends on, and he will
accuse and excuse as much as he can for anything they had to do with.
 You are denying and glossing about unresolved problems. Unhealthy
marriages will flourish with many unresolved disputes as no contact occurs or
because the manipulator will not want to settle such conflicts intentionally. That
is because it will be easier and better for you if you trick yourself to feel that the
conversation has started or finished than first collaborate with you to solve this
problem.

We can now understand that this is not so good as to cope with a

marriage. None of us would like to be caught up in this sort of relationship in
which we feel caught up and like the other individual is always in charge of us.
We would like our own lives to be governed. So, without taking full advantage
of ourselves, we want to seek one friend who is able to let this happen. Though,
before we go too far, there are some questions we need to ask ourselves in order
to help us determine whether we agree that our spouse is a manipulator. When
we have been through this guidebook, you will understand quite well whether
you have a coercive friendship or not. Some of the measures you can do to
defend yourself include recognizing your rights if you are involved in one of
these partnerships. It is sometimes difficult to remember how to stand up for
yourself when you have had such a friendship for a long time. Note that
irrespective of what you have been instructed by the manipulator, you have
fundamental rights to be protected. Such freedoms include the right to respect
for others, the right to express some of your opinions, desires, and beliefs, the
right to set your own goals without being influenced by someone else and the
right to say no to others. You also have the ability to have a different opinion
from another person to help ensure you are psychologically, mentally, and
emotionally secure and can have your own life apart from another person if you
choose.

These are the privileges that the manipulator can try in the long run to
strip from you. This allows you to maintain the checks you want and ensures
that you can do what you say. But the next time you’re there, consider your
freedoms, take a deep breath to your friend who’s a manipulator, and then try.
You are the only one who controls your life. Stay away. Stay away. Stay away.
The next thing you have to focus on is staying away from the other person. The
best thing is always to keep away from a manipulative person. If this is too late,
see if at least you can get a little space from you both. You simply give them
another opportunity to learn about you, figure out your vulnerabilities, and find
a way to get your future, any time you have to get entangled with someone who
is dishonest. Staying away from this person is the first and the only way to
protect you from dishonest individuals. When you begin to feel an incentive to
try to improve, go the other direction. Note that the manipulator tries to make
you feel bad for you, and they want to help you get back in the marriage and
take advantage of you again. Consider your own interest to stay away from the
manipulator, and don’t drop for the fuck that you want to feel bad and support
them.

It’s not your fault, mind. Another aspect a manipulator will do is to try to
find the right ways to exploit the vulnerabilities. If the manipulator figures out
about the vulnerabilities, he will be able to use them to the full and use them
against you. It makes it easy to feel inadequate, and often the target ends up
constantly punishing yourself for the confusion that the manipulator creates.
This is achieved by the manipulator deliberately. You know you will find ways
to avoid culpability. And they know that they can always move the targets so
that you can never meet the standards you set, no matter how hard you work
and how long you work. It helps them to maintain control of their destination
for as much time as possible.

Do not allow this to continue with the manipulator. We want to blame you
for shortcomings and to guarantee that you always feel bad, and you stick
around and seek validation from them so that you feel better. The implication
that none of this, nor anything of which you are accused by the manipulator, is
your responsibility. You have just been used to really feel bad, and it is done to
make the company and your privileges more likely to be yielded. The
manipulator will lose control over you if you know it is not your responsibility.
Know why, yes. Learn how to say no. The partnership manipulator has come to
rely on the fact that its goal is always to say yes to everything. They go through
lots of information and strategies and make sure they do what they want and say
yes. Knowing how to tell now is one of the fundamental rights we talked about
earlier, but it is something we must look into it a little more and widening
because it is definitely something that many of us, be it in a manipulative way
or not, fail to express on a daily basis.

If we are worried about hurting someone else’s feelings, and we think

about how someone else’s attitude can shift if we refuse to help them, saying
yes to someone else can simply make us cry, and often, it takes great bravery.
This happens regularly. Imagine, if you deal with a manipulator, how it takes to
say no. No strong speech and knowing how to stand for this one will be a
valuable skill that will help you to take some power away from and back from
the manipulator. Obviously, they’re not going to like that, and you’re going to
have to fight to stand up. If you tell ‘no’ without any remorse, whether or not
you work with a manipulator, will be the secret to a freer and healthier life in
general. The target is never better to be in a toxic relationship. It’s a whole
partnership that will depend on offering what the manipulator needs, and the
aim would eventually lose something. The aim was, however, conditioned to
think that this is the appropriate way to do things, so they won’t realize they are
in a toxic relationship until it’s too late. The first step in resolving the problem
can be discovering how to recognize when deceit, coercion, and other
difficulties arise in your marriage. It takes time and a great deal of bravery,
especially because the aim of that marriage has long been to develop confidence
and self-esteem and get them through this difficult time. This takes time and
courage. But when it does fall together, and the target actually realizes the
connection in which they are and how to strengthen it, they can realize that
without a manipulator, everything can really change in their existence.
 Dark Persuasion

When people attempt to give meaning to the concept of persuasion, their

answers always come in different forms. While some may set their minds on the
advertisements and commercials that are everywhere in modern society, urging
one to patronize a certain product or service over another, others’ minds fall
back to the politicians that try to change the minds of voters just to get one more
vote at the polls. Both examples are correct as they are messages aimed at
changing the perception of the subject.

The point of diversion between normal persuasion and dark persuasion is

that dark persuasion does not always have a moral justification. While a normal
persuader may try to persuade someone for that person's own good, a dark
persuader does so with motivations that aren't always good for the other person.
They try to get a full grasp of understanding of the person they wish to
persuade, and they take pains to do so because they know what the biggest
motivation is.

While persuasion always has moral implications, a dark persuader does

not concern themselves with these implications. In fact, they are aware of them
but choose to place their eyes on their objective(s) instead.

Persuasion is a psychological phenomenon in the everyday life of a

human being. It is either that you are the one trying to persuade someone else or
you are being persuaded. What makes the difference between dark and normal
is the motivation behind it. In mass media, politics, advertising and legal
decisions, persuasion comes into play all the time. The outcome of practicing it
in these fields is determined by ways of persuasion which will influence the
subject of persuasion.
 There are some obvious and very crucial differences between persuasion
and other types of mind control such as brainwashing and hypnosis. While these
two require that the subject should be isolated in order to change their minds
and identity, persuasion does not also require isolation.

In order to get to the goal, manipulation is used on one person. Although

persuasion can also be done on a single subject in order to get them to change
their minds, there is also a possibility of using it on a large scale to change the
minds of a whole group or even an entire society.

For this reason, persuasion be a more effective mind control technique

and perhaps more dangerous because it can change the minds of many people at
the same time instead of the mind of just one person at a time.

There are several people that make the mistake of thinking they have an
immunity to the effects of persuasion because they are of the opinion that they
will always be able to see every sales pitch that comes their way. They believe
they will always be able to use logic to get a grasp of what is going on and then
find a logical conclusion to it.

Thanks to the fact that people are not always going to fall for everything
they hear if they use logic, this may be true. It is also possible to avoid
persuasion because the argument does not augur well with the person's beliefs
no matter the strength of the argument.

However, there are people who know how to use persuasive messages to
encourage people to patronize the latest gadgets or products in the market. This
act of persuasion is very subtle so the subject will not always identify it, so it is
going to be quite hard for them to always be able to form an opinion about the
information they are going to get.

Every time persuasion is mentioned, it is very likely that one thinks of it

in a bad light. This is because they tend to automatically think of a conman or
salesman who is always trying to get them to change their perspective and who
will eventually push them until this change is achieved.

While dark persuasion is prominent in sales and conning practices, there

are also ways that persuasion can be used for good, like in diplomatic relations
between international bodies or in public service campaigns. The difference
only lies in the way the process of persuasion is brought to play.
 Chapter 8: Dark Persuasion Techniques

When a person is willing to change the mind of their subject by

persuading them to do something that is contrary to their initial state of mind,
the persuader is going to have some well laid out techniques to help them
achieve their goals.

Each day that passes, the target is going to face different types of
persuasion. For food makers, their goal will be to get their target to try out their
new recipes or have them stick to the old ones, while studios will flash their
latest blockbuster movies on the faces of their targets.

Whatever the case may be or whatever product they are selling, their main
aim is to make more sales and that is why they are trying to persuade you. They
really couldn’t care less about how this will impact you and this is the reason
why they must be very careful and skilled in the art of subtle persuasion to
ensure that they do not tip you off or get you agitated. Since there are also many
other brands trying to persuade you, they must find a unique way to impress
their views on you.

Due to the influence of persuasion on a wide range of people, the

techniques used in it have been a subject of study for many years, dating back to
ancient times. This is because influence is a very useful tool in the hands of a
wide range of people.

Starting from the early 20th century, the formal study of these techniques
began to grow. Remember that the goal of trying to persuade people is to push a
persuasive argument on an audience and have them convinced. They will then
internalize this message and adopt it as their new attitude or even way of life.
For this reason, there is a great need to discover the most successful persuasion
techniques.

There are three dark persuasion techniques that have proven to be of great
value over the years. We shall discuss those three in this section.
 Create a Need
This is one of the most fruitful ways of getting a person to change their
point of view or way of life. The person that is trying to persuade a target will
either create a need or capitalize on a need that the subject already has. If this is
done in a proper way, it has the potential of appealing a great deal to the target.

What this means is that in order to be successful, the persuader must

appeal to the needs that are of more importance to the target. This may be their
need to fulfil their dreams or of boosting their self-esteem. It may also be their
want for love, shelter or food.

This method will always work out well because there is no way the
subject is not going to need any of these things, or in need of anything at all for
that matter. Since there is no way the target isn’t going to have dreams and
aspirations, the persuader will only have to find ways to make the victim
understand how they can easily help the victim achieve those dreams.

The persuader may also tell their target that the target will realize their
dreams if they make certain alterations to their beliefs or perspective. Doing
this, according to the persuader, will give the target a higher chance of
achieving success.

For example, a young man that wants to get intimate with a lady may tell
her that he will help her improve her grades and finally make her parents proud
by getting an A, but only if she becomes friends with him. While this lady may
think that she has finally found the redemption she needs, the truth is that the
young man isn’t very interested in how well she performs in school, her
academics are only a bait for getting access to sex.
 Appealing to Social Needs
The other technique that the persuader can use is identifying the target's
social needs. While this may not yield as many results and the target's primary
needs will, it is still an important tool in the hands of the persuader.

There are people who are naturally drawn to crowds and desire to be
wanted. They always want to have certain items, not because they need them
but because it comes with certain prestige that makes them feel as though they
belong to a higher class.

The notion of appealing to the target's social needs is what is obtainable

through many TV commercials where viewers are encouraged to buy a product
so that they will not be “left behind.” When they can identify and appeal to the
social needs of the target, the result is they are able to reach a new area of the
target's interest.
 Making Use of Loaded Words and Images
When a person is trying to persuade someone else, they must be careful
with their choice of words as words can make all the difference. While there are
many ways to say a thing, one way of saying it may be more potent than the
other.

When it has to do with persuasion, one of the most important things is

knowing how to say the right thing at the right time. Words are always the most
important tools in communication and knowing the right call-to-action words.

Dark persuasion is one of the most powerful concepts of dark psychology,

but sadly it is always overlooked and underestimated. This may be because,
unlike the other methods of mind control, persuasion leaves the target with a
choice. In the other mind control methods, the target is forced into submission
and sometimes this is done by putting them in isolation so that at the end, they
do not have any say in the outcome of the process.

When it comes to persuasion, the chips are laid bare (although with an
ulterior motive in dark persuasion) so that the target is left to make the decision
that they think will suit them best.
 Chapter 9: Brainwashing

Brainwashing can be defined as the attempt of changing the thoughts and

beliefs of others against their will or without their consent. It is a systematic
effort to coerce and alter the attitudes and beliefs of an individual in order to
change their behavior.

Programs of political indoctrination have been known to use

brainwashing tactics to get people to change their political beliefs.
Brainwashing is also used in certain religious practices especially in cultic ones
to manipulate followers. Primarily, brainwashing works by making the victim’s
beliefs and attitudes obsolete and replacing them with ones that the captor ones
and are suitable for the environment.

Brainwashing involves total removal of freedom, independence as well as

decision-making power from an individual. It is the radical disruption of one’s
routine, habits, and behavior. It involves complete isolation and destruction
from friends, loyalties and associates and calls for absolute obedience to the
authority of the captor in every way. Brainwashing in many cases involves
physical abuse, threats of injuries, death or life imprisonment. The captive is
always presented with new beliefs as the best and acceptable way to an
enlightened life.

The techniques used in brainwashing are intended to induce a childlike

trust in the victim and dependency on their captor. The captive is encouraged to
confess to perceived past crimes where the victim admits to absurd and trivial
mistakes and in some cases, implicating others falsely to impress their captors.
If there are other captors that have been brainwashed before you, they are likely
to be used to reinforce the process by criticizing the victim and showing their
support to the captors. Once the brainwashing process has taken hold, the captor
starts getting rewards and approvals for their deeds.
 How Brainwashing can be part of Dark Psychology
When a person uses brainwashing tactics to manipulate or influence
another person against their will, that is dark psychology. Every person has been
given the ability of free will. You should be able to make your own decisions,
have the freedom of association and whom to be loyal to. When that freedom is
taken away from you by force, that becomes part of dark psychology.

People in abusive relationships can also be brainwashed. A husband

forbids a wife from interacting with her friends saying they are a bad influence.
The wife is mature enough to know what is good or bad for her and she should
independently make that choice. There are cases where a spouse would force
the partner to stop wearing certain kinds of clothes claiming they are not
pleasing among other things. This is a way of taking freedom from your partner
so that you may control them.

It is very confusing and draining living with an abusive partner. They

blame and manipulate you for things that are not your fault or for things you
never did. To keep your abuser happy, you get isolated from your family and
friends, change how you dress, change your political beliefs, and the world
becomes about you versus them.

An abusive relationship that one partner is using brainwashing tactics to

control the other, the abused partner becomes dependent on the other and cannot
make simple decisions even on what to cook for dinner. They must consult with
everything and they exist for the sole purpose of making their partner happy at
the expense of their own happiness. The abuser, in this case, defines what love
is and how it should be expressed. The abuser defines everything in the victim’s
life, what is wrong with them, what they should improve, how they should
behave and what is appropriate.

A person can fall into the hands of an abuser in various ways but the most
common ways are through emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. Once
an abuser has managed to hook their partner, they begin to put them down
through belittling remarks and insults. To keep the brainwashing and abuse
ongoing, they periodically have periods where they stop the abuse and start
showing kindness towards their victim. This trauma-binds the victim. He or she
constantly wants to make their abuser happy, hoping to be treated with warmth
and kindness.

Brainwashing becomes part of dark psychology because the victim is

imprisoned in their own lives. The controlling partner in a relationship may
withhold resources such as a car, money even food. They make the victim be a
prisoner in their own home, cause the victim to live in fear and change how they
view the world.

The life of a brainwashed victim is overwhelmed with thoughts on how to

please their abuser. Even without physical abuse, the victim does not feel free to
leave their lives but lives under the shadow if their abuser. They get affected
psychologically, develop anxiety disorders and suffer from depression.
 The Process of Brainwashing
The process of brainwashing is a systematic one. It is a process aimed at
losing self-identity and weakening one’s beliefs, attitudes, values, and
transformed thought process. The following steps or stages are what
manipulators use to brainwash their victims.

Guilt
A manipulator in a relationship will constantly pick arguments to cast the
victim as the wrongdoer causing them to feel guilty for the arguments. This
behavior is persistent to the point the victim becomes to feel shame for almost
everything and begins to think they deserve to be punished. This is the first
stage of breaking a person in order to begin brainwashing them.

Self-betrayal
When a person is forced to denounce family and friends, it destroys their
sense of self and enhances their guilt feelings. These feelings go to separate
them from their past, paving way for the building of a new personality.

Breaking point
When the victim is constantly assaulted, made to feel guilty and have
feelings of betraying self, they break down. They may find themselves crying
inconsolably, fall into depression and have anxiety attacks. Psychologically,
they feel they have lost a sense of themselves and live in fear of annihilation of
self.

Leniency
Just when a victim is feeling annihilation of themselves, the oppressor
shows them kindness. This is a brief rest from the assault on who they are.
During these brief moments of seeing light where there was darkness, they feel
deeply grateful to their abusers. This is a calculated move from their abusers
before they begin the assault again.
 Compulsion to confess
At the point where they are grateful to their abuser for pulling them from
their point of breakdown, they are faced with the contrast of further assault
against the rescue and leniency. They sometimes feel they owe the abuser and
are obliged to repay the kindness extended to them. The abuser may give them
the opportunity to assuage themselves from their guilt by encouraging them to
confess to perceived mistakes.

Channeling guilt
The feelings of guilt and shame the victim is feeling will be confused by
the increased assault to their identity. This causes the person to get confused and
lose the sense of what they are guilty of and just believe they are wrong and
carry that burden. Because of the guilt, the abuser uses it to redirect it towards
anything they please. This is typically done by showing the victim that they
have lived a life of wrong decisions and ideologies and they need to open up to
new ideas.

Logical Dishonoring
The victim holds to the notion that the cause of their guilt is ideologies
that have been imposed externally. They blame their teachers and the ideology
instead of seeing the manipulation. The relief of their guilt by making more
confessions about everything they did under the “wrong” ideology. They
mentally throw away these wrong acts and, in the process, they are completing
the act of rejecting the perceived wrong ideology.

Progress and Harmony

With the rejection of the old ideology, a vacuum is created where the new
ideology can be introduced. As they become enemies of the old ideology, the
person is now in search of a contrasting ideology to replace it. The process is
speeded up as the new ideology is shown to be in harmony with them and suited
to their needs. At this point, there is a calmness that replaces the pain and
punishment of before. The captors all of a sudden are wonderful and kind and
the new ideology is embraced as a replacement of the sins of the old ideology.

Final Confession and Rebirth

Faced with the distinct contrast of past pain and the glow of the future
presented by the new ideology, the victim completely sheds any remaining
allegiance to the old ideology by confessing any remaining secrets. At this
point, they took the full mantle of the new ideology.

This is described as a rebirth. Depending on the ideology, it may be

accompanied by a rite of passage to completely be cemented in the new order. It
may include strong statements the victim is told to confess to in acceptance of
the new ideology and swearing allegiance to the new leaders.
 The Impact of Brainwashing
Brainwashing as earlier explained is a form of systematically
transforming the thought patterns, beliefs and attitudes of a person in order to
control their behavior. This is usually done for the benefit of the manipulator
and can result in many negative aspects. There are various ways in which
brainwashing can impact a person. These ways include:

Brainwashing negatively impacts the self-esteem of the victim.

The victim feels they are not good enough and nothing they do is good. This
can lead them to have suicidal thoughts or get depressed.
Anxiety disorders – a person that is being brainwashed loses a
sense of self and gets isolated from their loved ones. They are forced to change
from who they are and pick on a new identity. The victim is constantly anxious
not to do the wrong thing and may suffer from anxiety disorders that can affect
their outward behaviors.
Depression – most brainwashing victims are isolated from their
loved ones and the world. Their world revolves around pleasing their captor and
receiving some kindness from them. They have no one else to talk to and their
feelings are disregarded. This may cause them to be depressed and not associate
well with others.
Lack of self-confidence – the constant abuse by their captor and
criticism makes the victim believe they are good for nothing. They fear to make
decisions because they have been made to feel unworthy.
Living in fear – one of the tactics brainwashers use is creating
fear in their victims. They lie to them of impending doom and how the world is
unfriendly. They live with the fear that every person is dangerous and if they
venture out, they will be in danger. The captor also uses threats of consequences
on their victim. The victim lives in constant fear of what may happen if he or
she does not do as the captor says.
 Change of beliefs – the intent of the captor is to transform
the beliefs of their victims in order to control their behavior. It doesn’t
matter whether their belief was ethical but as long as it does not agree with
the ideologies or beliefs of the captor, then they are not good enough.
Depending on the intent of the captor or aggressor, there are varied effects
of brainwashing on the victim. It is important to identify the technique and
tricks that an aggressor will use in order to avoid being a victim of
brainwashing.
 Common Brainwashing Techniques used in Dark Psychology
Where underhand tactics are used by an individual or a group to influence
and persuade others against their will to their will is brainwashing. In
persuasion, it is possible for honest persuasion to stop an unethical one to begin
that can be termed as brainwashing. People face persuasions every day.
However, where an individual is being forced to change their belief without
their consent is where dark psychology tactics begin. Various tactics are used by
different people in an effort to brainwash their victims. These include:

Isolation – this is usually the first tact in brainwashing. The

aggressor ensures that the victim is completely isolated from their family and
friends. The manipulator does this so that the victim has no one else to talk to
and safeguard their victim from being made aware of the aggressor’s
manipulation tactics. They do not want their authority over their victim
questioned by a third party or for the victim to get information from other
parties other than themselves.
Attack on self-esteem – once the victim is isolated, it becomes
easier to break them down and the manipulator can build them up as he desires.
To be able to brainwash someone, the victim must be made to feel inferior to
the manipulator. The manipulator then starts to attack the victim through
ridicule, intimidation, and mocking of the victim. This breaks down the self-
esteem of the victim and they completely feel they are at the mercy of the
manipulator.
Mental Abuse – a manipulator will also use mental torture to
brainwash their victims. They do this by lying to the victim and them using the
truth in the presence of others to embarrass them. They could also constantly
badger their victims and deny them any personal space such that they feel
imprisoned.
Physical abuse – there are various physical techniques available
to manipulators to brainwash their victims. These may include depriving their
victims of sleep, causing bodily harm through violence, denying them food and
keeping them cold. A manipulator can also use subtle ways to brainwash their
victims. Some of these ways could be by keeping noise levels up, having
flickering lights all the time, and in some cases deliberately changing the
temperatures in the room.
Repetitive Music – studies have indicated that playing a
repetitive beat can induce a hypnotic state in a person. A manipulator that
understands this can use this tact against their victim. The rhythm of the music
can alter a victim’s consciousness until the manipulator can easily speak
suggestions into your subconscious. In doing so, your brain automatically
responds to the new suggestions and you begin to change your behavior.
Contact is only allowed with other brainwashed individuals –
the manipulator only allows their victim to get into contact with their other
victims. This is because he or she wants the peer pressure from the other victims
to influence the victim into submission of the new way of thinking. Because of
the isolation also, the victim seeks to adhere to the suggestions of others so that
they get accepted and they stop feeling lonely.
Us Vs Them – when the manipulator indicates there is a Us and
Them, he acts like he is giving the victim a choice between the manipulator and
the perceived enemies. They do this in an effort to gain complete obedience
from the victim. They have been showing the victim the negative side of the
others and expect the victim to choose them over the others.
Love Bombing – with this tact, the manipulator draws the
victim into themselves or the group by showing physical affection through
touching, trading intimate thoughts, bonding emotionally and showing
kindness. This is meant to validate the victim and show them they have
made the right choice by completely erasing any affection they may be
feeling for others outside the group.
Hardly is brainwashing used for good. Most manipulators use
brainwashing tactics in order to gain full and absolute control of their victims.
Brainwashing is always harmful to the victim. They lose their sense of self and
live to please their captor. Simple things we take for granted like the ability to
decide what to wear and when to wear it is taken away from them. They are not
allowed to make any decision and are meant to feel unworthy and lucky to be in
the good graces of the manipulator.

The first step to avoiding being brainwashed is understanding the tactics

manipulators use and their traits. This enables you to identify them before they
are used on you or your loved one and call them out. Brainwashing is a
common tact in dark psychology where a manipulator uses these tactics to gain
control over other people for their own gain disregarding the feelings or well-
being of their victims.
 Chapter 10: Ways That You Can Predict Other’s
Minds

You are an expert in beginning psychology now! Since you know all the
ways that others might have hurt you, it’s now time to take this power and do
something good with it. No matter what you might have thought about your
brain and your abilities in the past, you understand now that you have so much
power that you were just given since birth. These abilities are not easily used.
Some people will struggle to ever figure out who they really are and what they
want from this life. You might still not know that, and that’s perfectly fine. You
shouldn’t keep yourself perfectly labeled in a box or else this is going to limit
your thinking. Whatever others have made you feel in the past does not define
who you are now. Learn from your past and don’t forget who you are or where
you came from. Let go of the hurt you have felt so that you can start healing and
moving forward in a more positive direction.

Make sure that you really get to know people. Don’t make assumptions.
The better that you can really understand a person and who they are at their
core, the easier it will be to have a more positive influence over them. Even
when you are feeling like you have no idea what you’re doing, you can always
do some digging internally and externally to discover a greater, more
meaningful truth. If you start to make too many assumptions and only allow
people to be the labels that you have put on them, this is really going to limit
your abilities to grow and understand the world better.

Communication is going to be how it all happens. It is always going to be

better to just lay the truth out there and talk it out rather than trying to hold onto
things so deeply. Though it might be really scary and challenging, it is going to
make you feel so much better in the end when you can speak your truth and let
others hear your opinions and feelings. Don’t try to persuade in other ways
besides communication. Don’t withhold things from people, such as something
they might need. You can manipulate others this way, but communication and
talking things out is going to be more effective and have longer-term results.

The hurt that you have felt can be used for good now. All you have
experienced has led you to right where you are in this moment. The darkest
moments that you have gone through that you thought never would end are over
now. The times when you wanted to run away and get rid of all of this have
brought you to the person that you are now. Though you might never want to go
back and do it over again, you should still learn to be grateful for these
experiences, because without them, you wouldn’t be able to be positively
influential person that you are about to become.
 Getting to Know Them
Now it is time in the book to start to do the thing that you probably want
to more than anything – persuade others! We live in a world where influence is
essential. If you can’t manage to persuade certain people, then it can keep you
back from achieving the things that you really want in this life. The most
important thing that you will want to do is get to know who you are trying to
persuade. Whether you want to convince your husband that you’re ready to
have children, or you want to persuade your entire 100-member sales team that
they need to push harder to drive sales, it all starts with really getting to know
who they are and how they operate.

The first step in this process is to look at their background. How old are
they? What gender do they identify as? Where do they live? What are their
strengths? What are their weaknesses? What do they have already? What is it
that they want? When you can answer these kinds of questions, it will become
much easier to know how to come up with a plan of persuasion in order to suit
your favor.

Certain kinds of differences will be important in this situation. For

example, asking your 18-year-old boyfriend for $20 is going to be done in a
different way than you would ask your 80-year-old grandmother for the same
thing. In order to persuade people, you have to really understand the things that
generically define them and then get into their deeper characteristics, such as
things that create the personality that they have.

Next, you will want to determine what their likes are. What things make
them happy? These should be easy to understand for people that you already
know. When it comes to trying to analyze your customer base if you are trying
to persuade sales, then think of basic things they’ll like such as discounts,
freebies, and other little rewards for being a consumer.
 After you have managed to determine what it is that they might like, you
should next try and figure out the things that they aren’t as big of fans of. This
might include things like long return times after purchasing something, having
hidden fees, or not being able to customize their products. When you can
identify both the things that they like and dislike, then it is easy to act
accordingly. For everything that you might have that they will dislike, offer up a
solution by providing something that they like. It seems so obvious, but a lot of
people who try to influence others will completely disregard this.

Finally, make sure that you are highly aware of the way that they
communicate. If you are understanding of this, it will be that much easier to
make sure that you are expressing things with them in the same way. Always
listen to the other person and ensure that you are giving them a platform to
speak. Don’t just look at the words they’re saying but also their face as they
start to share information with you. If someone feels as though they aren’t being
listened to, it will make them want to turn away from you and they will be far
less likely to be persuaded in the end. The next section is going to discuss
further the importance of communication and how you can better enable this
kind of healthy interaction in your life.
 Understanding the Importance of Communication
Communication isn’t easy for everyone. It seems so simple to just open
your mouth and start talking. We all do it, sometimes with others, often alone,
and sometimes without even thinking before we do start chatting away. It’s not
uncommon to find that you are struggling to share what you are feeling through
the use of your words, even though you are currently experiencing that kind of
emotion. The better you are able to communicate, the easier your life is going to
be, and the happier you will become in the end.

To start off by bettering your communication skills, remember that it is a

practice. There is no pill you can take or secret trick that you can start to do
right now. You will have to make sure that you are practicing talking to other
people in order to get better at it. If you’re just starting, practice first by having
small conversations. This might be with a barista at your local coffee shop or
someone at the bus stop as you both are waiting. Don’t bother other people, of
course, but just look for ways that you can articulate your voice and try to say
something beyond the basic “how are you?”

Make sure that you are effectively expressing your feelings to yourself.
Sometimes when we are all alone we still won’t fully understand what our
emotions mean. If you have to, start journaling your feelings every day. The
more that you can work them out yourself and write down the emotions that you
are feeling, the easier it will be to work through them on your own. How can
you expect to effectively share these with others if you aren’t sure how to share
them with yourself?

When it comes to starting to persuade others, ensure that you are careful
with your words. You never want to force anyone to do anything or put them in
a place where they might feel as though they have little to know control. Avoid
using phrases such as “You should do this.” No one wants to be told what to
do.
 Talk about yourself first. It seems counterintuitive, but people will be
more likely to respond by picking up on example rather than having you tell
them what to do. For example, let’s say that you want to persuade your spouse
to start waking up earlier because you think it would help prevent the stress of
being late every morning. Rather than saying something such as “You should
start to wake up earlier,” you can say something such as “I found that by waking
up earlier, it’s helped me to be a lot less stressed in the morning before work.”

Let others believe that the idea is their own. They will want to believe that
they were the ones to come up with this plan, not the other way around. Give
them the chance to work through the plan on their own, and they can figure out
their own positives and negatives. It will be a more effective persuasion when
you are able to inspire it within other people rather than forcing them to believe
something.

After this, ensure that you are careful of your own tone and body
language. Create an atmosphere where they can be comfortable around you. The
more calmness, love, and compassion that you can show to them, the easier it
will be for them to relate to you. Sometimes we feel as though we need to be
rigid and stern in order to get people to do what we want. This isn’t the case at
all! You should be kind and loving, and others will be much more receptive.

Last but not least, ensure that you are being very respectful of those that
you are trying to persuade. You want to make sure that they feel comfortable
with you, not as if they need to be ashamed or embarrassed around you. If
someone says something stupid, no matter how dumb it sounds, don’t make fun
of them for it! Don’t laugh at people or belittle them for their beliefs. Build
others up and you will find that they have that same kind of respect in return.
 How to Turn Negative Manipulation into Positive Persuasion
You should be an expert on basic level psychology now! Our motives,
passions, actions, and everything else all start within our mind and manifest
themselves differently in each and every person. In order to really get what you
want from this life, you have to start to learn how to understand other people. If
you go through life completely blind to how the brain works, it will end up
hurting you in the end.

Take all of the manipulation that you might have learned in the past and
find a way to use it for good now. All of the negative experiences that you have
had can be lessons that taught you how not to treat other people. In order to turn
negative manipulation into positive persuasion, you have to start by having a
good intention behind what you might want to persuade others of. Whatever
you might be trying to get from others should be something that mutually
benefits the both of you. Listen to the other person and what they might need so
you can come to a place where you both can compromise and get the same kind
of positive benefits in the end.

Ensure that you are always checking in with the needs of others after your
own. Of course, you should take care of yourself first, but if you go through this
life unconcerned with how others feel, this isn’t going to help you in the long
run.

An influencer is a leader. If you have good ideas that you hope to instill in
other people, and you want them to be able to benefit from the things that you
know, then it’s essential that you work on having positive leadership skills.

Other people are not tools for you. Others can help you, but you also have
to help them in some way. A good leader knows how to get people to do what
they want, but at the same time, they are providing something beneficial to that
person. You might be able to get someone to help you achieve your dreams, but
they should also be a part of that journey. When you can realign yourself and
center your beliefs around this system, you will be able to achieve anything.

Ensure that you are always talking about the “we” and using confidence
when talking to others. They will be more inclined to listen when you are
including them in this process as well.

The most important thing that you will have in this process is a growth
mindset. When people limit their thoughts, they are limiting their potential in
life. Keep up with different studies on persuasion, manipulation, and
psychology in general. Subscribe to a newsletter or magazine about the human
brain in order to get a better understanding of how that powerful thing in your
head can work.

Make sure to always check in with your health. If you are not taking care
of yourself in all aspects, then this is really going to affect how your mind
works. As we get older, our minds will only become more challenging to
manage, so we have to ensure we are preparing ourselves now. Keep an open
perspective and practice listening to others. Never stop learning. The more you
know, the more you will realize just how much you have left to learn.

Never use aggression and persuasion either. You might be able to make
people do what you want by having them fear you, but this will only take you
so far. If you really want people to respect you in the long run and be influenced
by you forever, you should never use fear and scare them into believing what
you have to say. The more compassion and understanding that you have for
other people, the more likely they will be to listen to all that you have to share.
 Conclusion

When analyzing another person, it starts with looking at their body

language. Do they hold themselves high or do they hide behind their own body?
How a person uses their eyes, face, and arms, are the most important parts of
determining what they might really be like. You can realize that someone who
seems confident might actually be debilitated by their anxiety if you start to
notice the way they hold themselves. You could also discover that someone you
thought you could trust is actually deceiving you.

It can be hard to pinpoint what it is about a person that separates them

from others, and why they might act the way they do. You’ll never have a
complete understanding of another person, but you will at least be able to start
to realize why they might act the way they do.

Once you’ve been able to analyze someone, you can then start to persuade
them. This is important in some cases to get what you want, or at the very least,
get what you deserve. Just as we discussed in book one, you can read this over
and over again, but unless you take action, nothing is going to change. It can be
hard to start to become aware of yourself, but it’s a key step in becoming aware
of those around you.

There are so many people in this life that will blindly follow others. There
are many individuals that will never look deep within themselves and really
confront your thoughts. It’s not easy to do so, but it’s important that we really
dive deep into our psyche in order to live a happier and healthier life.

Remember that it’s still perfectly normal and healthy to let others
influence you! Think of all the great leaders of the world and how they might be
able to inspire positive passion and inspiration in those that follow them. You
are not wrong for falling under the influence of others. The difference going
forward is that it’s going to be based around positive and uplifting inspiration
rather than malicious-intentioned manipulation.

Always remember as you travel throughout your life that you need to use
your brain power for good. Even though it might be hard sometimes, this is
always going to be the better option. You might find yourself in a position one
day where you have a very simple and reachable chance to manipulate someone
else. Don’t take advantage of this! The other person might be someone easily
manipulated, and maybe on some level it is their own fault for not being more
aware. Never assume this, however! Some individuals will have gone through
things that really made it harder for them to break free from their thinking
patterns and discover a healthier method of dealing with their thoughts and
feelings.

Always help others, never hurt them. Even those that might have done the
same to you in the past shouldn’t be individuals that you target. You are an
intelligent person who can use their powers for good. Make the world a better
place with healthy influence and you will discover that this brings you
everything that you have ever wanted.
CHAPTER BONUS
 It All Starts With The Brain
A people analyzer or reader can quickly decipher an individual’s
personality through several attributes, including what he or she does in their
spare time. For example, if you inquire what a person does in their spare time
and they reveal they participate in community drives, volunteering activities or
contribute to church initiatives, you know they are philanthropic, magnanimous
or community conscious. Similarly, if a person says they love partying endlessly
or watching television in their free time, they may be low on ambition or seek
quick gratification. The point is, even something as seemingly trivial as what a
person does in his or her spare time can reveal his or her personality.
 How Psychology Improves Our Lives
While certain psychologists are of the opinion that our behavior is directly
determined by genetics or heredity, others believe that it is a summation of all
our experiences since birth. They are of the opinion that our immediate
environment or the experiences we undergo in our immediate environment
mold our behavior. For example, if a person experiences constant
 marginalization or prejudice on account of their class or race, they may
grow up to despise wealth or seemingly superior races. They may empathize
with the oppressed.

Similarly, if a person is constantly bullied, abused or victimized as a

child, he or she may grow up to be a bully themselves. Much of their outlook,
values, personality and attitude will be shaped by these early childhood
experiences or violence and abuse.

Have you ever observed people who keenly attempt read their personality
through zodiac signs or astrology? Isn’t this a sign of possessing low self-
awareness or understanding? People often gravitate towards things they believe
they haven’t got much of. For example, someone who hasn’t been given
sufficient attention by their parents during early childhood or teen years may
grow up to be a person who thrives on drama and attention-seeking tactics.
They may become more dramatic and showy.

There are plenty of clues everywhere. As a people analyzer, you just need
to keep an eye out for these subtle clues.
 Basic Psychological Concepts
Our mind is divided into three layers – the conscious mind, subconscious
mind and unconscious mind. While the conscious mind or state of
consciousness is awareness of thoughts, actions, learnings and experiences, the
subconscious and unconscious mind are realms of the mind that hold things we
may not be aware of. Through the conscious mind, we have awareness of things
we perceive and feel. We can process feelings, thoughts, concepts and ideas that
are gathered from our immediate environment.

However, when it comes to the subconscious and unconscious mind, we

have little or no awareness of the thoughts, ideas, concepts and information
stored in it. Our conscious mind is only the tip of an iceberg. There are multiple
hidden layers, which influence our personality and behavior that we are not
aware of.

If you want to be a power-packed people analyzer, begin with yourself.

Identify how much you know about yourself or how well you understand your
own personality or behavior patterns. Attempt to understand what drives you
into behaving in a specific manner. What are your underlying beliefs, fears,
motivators, values and more?

Once you’ve uncovered your own personality and behavioral

characteristics, attempt to understand close friends and family members. Lastly,
move to strangers who you spot while waiting at a doctor’s clinic or at the
supermarket/airport or someone you’ve only just met at a party. Keep practicing
to sharpen your people analyzing skills until you are able to read people quickly
and effectively, like a pro!

Emotions and Human Behavior

Emotions are brief short conscious experiences that we experience as part
of our mental activity. These feelings are not based in rational or logical
thoughts. For example, even in the face of compelling proof that our friend is
betraying us behind our back, we don’t break ties with him or her and prefer to
trust them.

As humans, we are prone to acting on impulses rather than logic,

reasoning and evidence. People’s behaviors are fundamentally shaped by
emotions. Thus, understanding people’s emotions gives us the power to
comprehend and predict their actions, personality and behavioral patterns.
 Psychological Theories

Classical Conditioning

Classical Conditioning is a popular psychological theory through which

people learn by pairing behavior as stimuli and response to the stimuli. This
principle is used for training animals too. Don’t you reward your dog with a
treat each time it fetches the ball? In the pet’s mind, fetching is closely
associated with treats or rewards, so it invariably learns that it has to fetch the
ball if wants to be rewarded with a treat.

All through our life as human beings, classical conditioning helps shape
our behavior. As babies, we come to associate crying with being fed and kept
clean. Students learn that studying consistently and dedicatedly gets you good
grades. Thus, classical conditioning influences our behavior and acts throughout
our lives. We learn to respond to a specific stimuli in a particular manner. It is
one of the main factors when it comes to determining an individual’s behavior.

Human Behavior and Physiology

According to research, people have peculiar physical reactions to certain
stimuli that are valuable when it comes to analyzing them. These principles are
usually used in the area of criminal psychology to understand how criminals
think and what drives them to commit crimes. With the help of biometric
technology investigators attempt to identify if the suspect’s thoughts are in sync
with their actions.

This combination of psychological and physiological techniques is

powerful for analyzing the underlying motives of human behavior. The human
body undergoes specific physiological reactions when a person is misleading or
lying. The reaction can be standalone clues or a combination of dilated pupils,
increase in heart rate, greater palpitations, sweating and twitching toes.
Physiology or non-verbal clues can help you analyze a person more accurately,
though much like other people analyzing theories, it can never be fool proof.

However, not all kinds of communication have the ability to persuade

people as it may be meant to entertain or simply to provide information. The act
of persuasion can be used to manipulate people which is why trying to persuade
others may be seen as revolting behavior. Persuasion, when analyzed as a
process, can be differentiated from communication as a cause of stimulus to the
associated behavioral changes that result as the effect or the response.

Here we will look at the steps that a person experiences when they are
being persuaded. First there is the presence of communication wherein the
receiver will pay attention to the content brought forward. He will then try to
comprehend the contents of the communication as a whole, including trying to
comprehend what the speaker is trying to say. This includes trying to
comprehend the suggested conclusion that is being urged by the speaker as well
as any evidence which may be provided to support the conclusion. Persuasion
only occurs when the individual eventually accepts or agrees with the point
being provided and he should retain this interest long enough for him to act on
it. The primary goal of persuasion is for the individual or a group of people to
adopt a new attitude. Examples of this including switching a brand of cereal
because of new information being presented to them, or when a person changes
his religious beliefs.
 Conditioning Theories
Conditioning is one of the most important concepts of persuasion. The
concept of conditioning is concerned with encouraging a person to do
something on their own instead of giving them a direct order to do something
such as the concept of obedience.

Conditioning is widely used in the advertising industry where brands try

to invoke positive feelings with their brand or logo. For this reason, brands
resort to commercials that encourage people to laugh, feel sentimental, or use
happy music and images. Once these commercials are through they show the
brand’s logo in hopes of connecting the positive emotion with their product.
 Inoculation theory
Inoculation theory is often observed in comparative types of adverts. The
theory of inoculation suggests that one party has a weak argument whose
credibility can be crushed by the audience so that they will instead go with the
better argument from another party.
 Narrative transportation theory
The narrative transportation theory claims that the attitudes of people can
change when they lose themselves in a story. It attempts to explain the
persuasive effect of stories on individuals because they may experience the
narrative transportation when various preconditions are met. Furthermore,
narrative transportation occurs when the listener feels like they are entering
another world because the narrative evokes certain feelings especially empathy
for the story’s characters.
 EXTRACT FROM:

“Analyze People and Body Language:How To Read People Psychology

For Beginners. Deep Learning Secrets of Body And Brain For Extraordinary
Power Communication, Mindset, Nlp.”
 Analyze People and Body
Language:

How To Read People Psychology For

Beginners. Deep Learning Secrets of Body
And Brain For Extraordinary Power
Communication, Mindset, Nlp.
 Table of Contents
Introduction 170
Chapter 1: It All Starts With The Brain 173
Chapter 2: Analyzing And Deciphering Behavioral
Patterns 183
Chapter 3: Advantage Of Analyzing A Person In Professional And Private
Life 210
Chapter 4: Type Communication 216
Chapter 5: Body Language 246
Chapter 6: Posture And Body Orientation 266
Chapter 7: How to Recognize Who is Lying to You 277
Chapter 8: Mastering Your Emotions to Identify Manipulation
290
Chapter 9: Signs Of Confidence And Lack Of Confidence 300
Chapter 10: Know Yourself Well To Understand Others 312
Chapter 11: Techniques, Tips, and Tricks to Speed Read Anyone 318
Chapter 12: Individual Differences In People’s
Perceptions 328
Conclusion 334
CHAPTER BONUS 337
 Introduction

Body language gives a hint about the emotional state of the person. For
this reason, exhibiting the right body language and understanding body
language accurately can improve communication as well as enhance life
chances. Some aspects of life that need body language are parenting, teaching,
talking therapy, and intimacy. Against this backdrop, this book offers the much-
needed understanding and application of body language reading competencies
for a novice and professional communicator.

Analyzing or reading your audience helps you gain information that can
be built upon for establishing a common ground between them and you to make
your speech even more relatable and persuasive. For instance, if you are
presenting a network marketing opportunity to people and their body language
reveals that they are all ambitious people who love to lead a good life but who
are thoroughly dissatisfied with their current jobs.

It is easy to influence, persuade and inspire people when you know how
to read their thoughts and feelings. It is also easier to establish your authority,
credibility, and integrity as a leader when you know how to read people’s
reactions to your actions.

People will be in a position to elect the right leaders simply by observing

their body language for clues related to deception, integrity, empathy, and
power. By observing the person’s verbal and non-verbal communication
patterns, you’ll be able to gauge if they’d indeed be the right leaders.

Your ability to read someone is not always about what you can see. At
times, it is also about what you feel when you are around them. Trust in your
gut feeling. Many people ignore this. Gut feelings are a primal instinct that
protects you from something or someone you are not comfortable with. When
speaking to a liar, they might spin tales that have you wondering whether they
are true or not. If you have a shred of doubt about it, it is highly likely you are
right about them.

The best way to go about life is to be open to possibilities. Not all

possibilities might be amazing, but in human interaction, it is always safe to
expect the unexpected. Considering the different types of liars out there, you
have to protect your space. Recognize that some people are beyond help, but
suggest professional help for those who can benefit from it. It is painful when
you have to distance yourself from people you love because you cannot trust
them to tell you the truth.

The ability to analyze people is an often undervalued and underestimated

skill. But almost anyone can gain a huge advantage if they took the time to
study and understand why people act the way they do. By learning to analyze
people, you get the advantage of knowing that person’s feelings, emotions, and
attitude even before the person utters a single word.

Moreover, the ability to analyze people helps you understand what the
other person is going through. With this understanding, you can become
empathetic (if the situation calls for empathy) and know what to do to make the
person feel comfortable.
 Chapter 1: It All Starts With The Brain

A people analyzer or reader can quickly decipher an individual’s

personality through several attributes, including what he or she does in their
spare time. For example, if you inquire what a person does in their spare time
and they reveal they participate in community drives, volunteering activities or
contribute to church initiatives, you know they are philanthropic, magnanimous
or community conscious. Similarly, if a person says they love partying endlessly
or watching television in their free time, they may be low on ambition or seek
quick gratification. The point is, even something as seemingly trivial as what a
person does in his or her spare time can reveal his or her personality.
 How Psychology Improves Our Lives
While certain psychologists are of the opinion that our behavior is directly
determined by genetics or heredity, others believe that it is a summation of all
our experiences since birth. They are of the opinion that our immediate
environment or the experiences we undergo in our immediate environment
mold our behavior. For example, if a person experiences constant
marginalization or prejudice on account of their class or race, they may grow up
to despise wealth or seemingly superior races. They may empathize with the
oppressed.

Similarly, if a person is constantly bullied, abused or victimized as a

child, he or she may grow up to be a bully themselves. Much of their outlook,
values, personality and attitude will be shaped by these early childhood
experiences or violence and abuse.

Have you ever observed people who keenly attempt read their personality
through zodiac signs or astrology? Isn’t this a sign of possessing low self-
awareness or understanding? People often gravitate towards things they believe
they haven’t got much of. For example, someone who hasn’t been given
sufficient attention by their parents during early childhood or teen years may
grow up to be a person who thrives on drama and attention-seeking tactics.
They may become more dramatic and showy.

There are plenty of clues everywhere. As a people analyzer, you just need
to keep an eye out for these subtle clues.
 Basic Psychological Concepts
Our mind is divided into three layers – the conscious mind, subconscious
mind and unconscious mind. While the conscious mind or state of
consciousness is awareness of thoughts, actions, learnings and experiences, the
subconscious and unconscious mind are realms of the mind that hold things we
may not be aware of. Through the conscious mind, we have awareness of things
we perceive and feel. We can process feelings, thoughts, concepts and ideas that
are gathered from our immediate environment.

However, when it comes to the subconscious and unconscious mind, we

have little or no awareness of the thoughts, ideas, concepts and information
stored in it. Our conscious mind is only the tip of an iceberg. There are multiple
hidden layers, which influence our personality and behavior that we are not
aware of.

If you want to be a power-packed people analyzer, begin with yourself.

Identify how much you know about yourself or how well you understand your
own personality or behavior patterns. Attempt to understand what drives you
into behaving in a specific manner. What are your underlying beliefs, fears,
motivators, values and more?

Once you’ve uncovered your own personality and behavioral

characteristics, attempt to understand close friends and family members. Lastly,
move to strangers who you spot while waiting at a doctor’s clinic or at the
supermarket/airport or someone you’ve only just met at a party. Keep practicing
to sharpen your people analyzing skills until you are able to read people quickly
and effectively, like a pro!

Emotions and Human Behavior

Emotions are brief short conscious experiences that we experience as part
of our mental activity. These feelings are not based in rational or logical
thoughts. For example, even in the face of compelling proof that our friend is
betraying us behind our back, we don’t break ties with him or her and prefer to
trust them.

As humans, we are prone to acting on impulses rather than logic,

reasoning and evidence. People’s behaviors are fundamentally shaped by
emotions. Thus, understanding people’s emotions gives us the power to
comprehend and predict their actions, personality and behavioral patterns.
 Psychological Theories
Classical Conditioning

Classical Conditioning is a popular psychological theory through which

people learn by pairing behavior as stimuli and response to the stimuli. This
principle is used for training animals too. Don’t you reward your dog with a
treat each time it fetches the ball? In the pet’s mind, fetching is closely
associated with treats or rewards, so it invariably learns that it has to fetch the
ball if wants to be rewarded with a treat.

All through our life as human beings, classical conditioning helps shape
our behavior. As babies, we come to associate crying with being fed and kept
clean. Students learn that studying consistently and dedicatedly gets you good
grades. Thus, classical conditioning influences our behavior and acts throughout
our lives. We learn to respond to a specific stimuli in a particular manner. It is
one of the main factors when it comes to determining an individual’s behavior.

Human Behavior and Physiology

According to research, people have peculiar physical reactions to certain
stimuli that are valuable when it comes to analyzing them. These principles are
usually used in the area of criminal psychology to understand how criminals
think and what drives them to commit crimes. With the help of biometric
technology investigators attempt to identify if the suspect’s thoughts are in sync
with their actions.

This combination of psychological and physiological techniques is

powerful for analyzing the underlying motives of human behavior. The human
body undergoes specific physiological reactions when a person is misleading or
lying. The reaction can be standalone clues or a combination of dilated pupils,
increase in heart rate, greater palpitations, sweating and twitching toes.
Physiology or non-verbal clues can help you analyze a person more accurately,
though much like other people analyzing theories, it can never be fool proof.

However, not all kinds of communication have the ability to persuade

people as it may be meant to entertain or simply to provide information. The act
of persuasion can be used to manipulate people which is why trying to persuade
others may be seen as revolting behavior. Persuasion, when analyzed as a
process, can be differentiated from communication as a cause of stimulus to the
associated behavioral changes that result as the effect or the response.

Here we will look at the steps that a person experiences when they are
being persuaded. First there is the presence of communication wherein the
receiver will pay attention to the content brought forward. He will then try to
comprehend the contents of the communication as a whole, including trying to
comprehend what the speaker is trying to say. This includes trying to
comprehend the suggested conclusion that is being urged by the speaker as well
as any evidence which may be provided to support the conclusion. Persuasion
only occurs when the individual eventually accepts or agrees with the point
being provided and he should retain this interest long enough for him to act on
it. The primary goal of persuasion is for the individual or a group of people to
adopt a new attitude. Examples of this including switching a brand of cereal
because of new information being presented to them, or when a person changes
his religious beliefs.
 Conditioning Theories
Conditioning is one of the most important concepts of persuasion. The
concept of conditioning is concerned with encouraging a person to do
something on their own instead of giving them a direct order to do something
such as the concept of obedience.

Conditioning is widely used in the advertising industry where brands try

to invoke positive feelings with their brand or logo. For this reason, brands
resort to commercials that encourage people to laugh, feel sentimental, or use
happy music and images. Once these commercials are through they show the
brand’s logo in hopes of connecting the positive emotion with their product.
 Inoculation theory
Inoculation theory is often observed in comparative types of adverts. The
theory of inoculation suggests that one party has a weak argument whose
credibility can be crushed by the audience so that they will instead go with the
better argument from another party.
 Narrative transportation theory
The narrative transportation theory claims that the attitudes of people can
change when they lose themselves in a story. It attempts to explain the
persuasive effect of stories on individuals because they may experience the
narrative transportation when various preconditions are met. Furthermore,
narrative transportation occurs when the listener feels like they are entering
another world because the narrative evokes certain feelings especially empathy
for the story’s characters.
 Chapter 2: Analyzing And Deciphering
Behavioral Patterns

Human beings are regarded to be among the most complex creatures on

earth.

The complexity of human beings extends to the nature of their behavior.

This implies that it is quite difficult to fully understand and analyze such
behavior, especially from a layman’s perspective.

Psychiatrists have the upper hand when it comes to their capacity to

understand and analyze human behavior.

Image: Human behavior is complex

This is due to the fact that they have the pre-requisite training that equips
them with the capacity to analyze such behavior in a much more professional
manner.

However, you do not really have to be a psychiatrist in order to

understand human behavior.

Anyone with adequate information on some of the fundamental issues that

underlie human behavior can effectively and accurately analyze such behavior.

Enhanced capacity to analyze human behavior will enable you to have a

greater understanding of the people around you.

Sometimes, people might not be willing to go out and actually say what is
on their minds.
 However, when you know what to look for with respect both verbal and
non-verbal cues, you will be able to decipher the message that they are trying to
put across thus eliminating potential conflicts that can arise due to
miscommunication.

It is also equally important to maintain an open mind and avoid any pre-
established biases that can undermine your capacity to fully grasp and analyze
what the other person is trying to put across.

This chapter will focus on the art of analyzing human behavior with a
view of making you a better person in terms of your capacity to interpret and
analyze the behavior of others.

Use of Language

One of the most distinguishing aspects when it comes to the manner in

which people behave is their preferred use of language.

Language is considered the most reliable universal tool for

communication.

The language also plays a key role in fostering relations among people
since it enables them to communicate freely, exchange ideas, and express their
perspectives on different issues.

However, the manner in which different people use language is different,

and these differences usually reflect their behavior and attitudes towards various
things.

The preference for polite language is one thing that can enable you to
analyze the behavior of the person you are communicating with.

Heavy use of polite words and expressions such as please, may I, kindly
and other such words that are meant to convey a message of politeness can go a
long way in helping one analyze human behavior.
 People who prefer to use such words and expressions tend to put a lot of
value and emphasis on positive human relations and would be more than willing
to take into account the perspectives of others.

Such individuals are usually polite and considerate towards others and are
more likely to make a compromise in order to accommodate the needs of the
other person.

On the other hand, the absence of polite words and expressions could be
an indicator that the person is likely to exhibit dictatorial tendencies towards
others.

This implies that such an individual is more likely to insist on having their
way at any cost and not consider the option of making any compromises.

When it comes to using language, another aspect that comes out strongly
is also the preference for unconventional, harsh or abusive language.

For instance, curse words are mainly considered to be an unconventional

language and are not used in mainstream communication.

However, there are people whose usage of such words is much more
common as compared to others.

Preference for curse words, abusive language, and harsh words can be
helpful in the analysis of human behavior since people who prefer such
language are usually more prone to violent behavior towards others.

Similarly, the preference for such words can also indicate that someone is
likely to pay little attention to the consequences of their actions.

A good example would be an employee who uses such words against the
employer.

In such a scenario, such an employee might end up adopting an overall

lacklustre attitude towards their roles and responsibilities because they do not
care whether or not they will get fired.

Finally, such people can also adopt an overall resigned attitude towards
life, and this can undermine the relationships that they have with their family
members, friends, and other people who are significant in their lives.

Interpretation of Non-Verbal Cues

People might not often say what is really on their minds.

In some cases, someone might say one thing while in essence, they mean
the opposite.

For instance, one might say that they are satisfied with a reward that they
have been offered, but in reality, they are highly unsatisfied with the same.

In such a situation, your capacity to identify non-verbal cues can go a

long way in facilitating accurate analysis of the behavior of the person that you
are communicating with.

This is due to the fact that such non-verbal cues offer a window into the
exact position and opinion that a person has towards something.
 Facial Expression

There are several non-verbal cues that you can use in order to analyze
human behavior with one of them being reading of another person’s facial
expression.

It is very easy for someone to lie with their mouths, but quite difficult to
do the same with their face.

Facial expression can depict the actual feeling that has on a certain issue.

Facial expression can depict happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, and even
resentment.

When you know exactly what to look for in terms of facial expressions,
you will be in a better position to know what a person feels and how they will
behave when they are subjected to a certain situation.

For instance, a spouse might indicate that they are happy with you going
away on your own holiday for a while.

However, their facial expression might indicate that they are unhappy
with your decision.

Your capacity to decipher such an expression will enable you to know

how they are likely to behave while you are away, such as engaging in an
activity that you might not approve of.

Raised Eyebrows

Some of the most notable facial expressions that most people overlook
include raising of the eyebrows, which mainly shows that someone is surprised
by a suggestion or an opinion.
 At times, a raised eyebrow might indicate that someone is in doubt
regarding the viability of the suggestion.

For instance, you might put forward a suggestion for a weekend activity,
and they accept but a raised eyebrow.

This implies that they are in doubt and are therefore not likely to embrace
the suggestion despite the fact that they have indicated their approval.

Such a friend will, therefore, exhibit behavior that contradicts their earlier
position, such as failing to pick up your calls even after repeated attempts.

Frown Lines

In addition to raised eyebrows, another facial expression that you can look
out for is the presence and nature of frown lines.

A high concentration of frown lines might be an indicator that the person

is deeply concerned about something.

Such an individual might not be willing to share their concerns with you,
but in case you notice such frown lines then you will be in a position to know
that they might be faced with some serious issue in their lives.
 Clenched Teeth

Clinched teeth also fall within the category of facial expression that can
be used as a non-verbal cue.

Many people will clench their teeth if they are uneasy with a situation that
they are in.

Whenever you are interacting with someone with clenched teeth, then you
can look for ways of making them feel at ease, thus making the interaction more
productive.

Body language

Body Posture

In addition to facial expression, another non-verbal cue that can be quite

helpful in analyzing the behavior of others is body language.

Your body language says a lot about what you are thinking and how you
are likely to behave.

The body language refers to several things such as your posture, the use
of gestures, and even your proximity to the person you are communicating
with.

A posture can tell a lot about the character of a person and consequently,
their general behavior.

For instance, people who prefer to communicate while putting their arms
across their chest are more likely to keep things close to themselves.

Such people are least likely to lie about issues that affect them in their
personal lives or even volunteer information that might have a significant
impact on the people that they are communicating with.

On the contrary, people who are more open-minded will prefer more
informal postures such as putting their hands behind their heads in a relaxed
fashion while communicating others.

Such individuals are more likely to embrace new ideas, focus on the
issues that the other person is highlighting, and even offer alternative
perspectives in order to encourage a more productive discussion.

Body language can, therefore, be used in analyzing the manner in which

someone else is likely to respond to other people and their ideas.

Proximity

Proximity is also another aspect of body language that is very important

when it comes to body language.

Proximity in this context refers to how close two people are when they are
physically interacting with one another.

People who are not willing to fully engage with the other person would
prefer to lean away while talking to them.

A good example would be a colleague leaning away from you when you
are discussing a business proposal with them.

In this scenario, the colleague might show approval of your proposal, but
the fact they were leaning away from you might result in contradictory behavior
on their part.

They are thus more likely to end rejecting the idea after all.

On the other hand, someone who is really interested in the idea is likely to
lean forward during your conversation, ask to follow up questions and nod their
heads in approval.
 Such body language indicates genuine acceptance, and thus, the
individual will go out of their way and work for hand in hand with you in
ensuring that the proposal is indeed a success.

The Positioning Of the Arms

The position of the arms is an important aspect of body language that you
should always look out for.

In many cases, people will expose their arms while communicating.

The arms can also be used to illustrate gestures and other elements of
non-verbal communication.

However, there are situations in which the other party might opt to place
their arms in a position that is away from you, for instance, hiding their arms
under the table.

In such a scenario, the person is more likely to be hiding something from

you.

Similarly, hiding of the arms can also indicate that the person does not
really hold their same opinion as you do on the issue at hand, but their approval
is mainly meant to impress or manipulate you.

Laughter and It's Meaning

Laughter is often said to have curative attributes whereby people who

laugh more are likely to lead healthier lives.

When it comes to analyzing human behavior, laughter also plays an

integral role in revealing and analyzing the actual behavior of another person.

First and foremost, it is important to point out that laughter is unique in

that different people are likely to have different kinds of laughter.
 Such variations might be in the form of the tone of the laughter and
duration.

Ideally, laughter is often associated with a happy feeling, but this is not
always the case.

There are cases where someone might be laughing, but they are not
necessarily happy.

In order to understand how people are likely to behave based on their

laughter, it is important to under some of the salient features that underpin this
form of human communication.

Genuine laughter will usually involve the dilation of the eyes.

This implies that in addition to the mouth, the laughter and happiness
expressed will also be expressed in the eyes of the person laughing.

In this scenario, such a person is likely to express their emotions through

the laughter.

On the other hand, a person might laugh, but the same emotion is not
conveyed in their eyes.

Furthermore, such laughter might be of low tone and short duration that
ultimately comes out as forced.

In this second example, the laughter is used as a tool for masking the
actual feeling that the person has.

In most cases, this is referred to as sarcastic laughter.

A perfect example would be someone congratulating you on your

achievement while laughing, but the tone of their laughter does not resonate
with the message.
 In this example, the laughter is not really meant to highlight your
achievement, but instead, it seeks to undermine it.

Furthermore, the individual in question is also not genuinely proud of

your achievement, but they might be envious or disapproving of the same.

The Role of Gut Feeling

Gut Feeling refers to your natural intuition about something.

It is very common to find yourself in a scenario where you feel strongly

about something but really cannot explain the origin of such a feeling.

Most often than not, you do not even have any prior knowledge regarding
the situation at hand, but somehow, you have a feeling that you know how to go
about addressing such a situation.

This is a good example of what constitutes a gut feeling.

Gut feeling also relates to the way we think about others.

Sometimes you might be meeting someone for the first time, but you have
a feeling that you know something or two regarding the person.

Maybe your gut feeling could be telling you that the person in question is
dishonest.

In such a scenario, it is sometimes better to trust your gut feeling instead

of looking out for some of the aforementioned signs, body language, and use of
language and such attributes that plays a key role in the analysis of the behavior
of others.

By going with your natural intuition, you might end up averting situations
that would ordinarily not want to get into.

For instance, in this example, your gut feeling might prevent you from
entering into a business deal with someone who is dishonest.
 Dishonest people are likely to fraudsters, and you might end up losing
your hard-earned money by dealing with them.

The Nature of Physical Contact during an Interaction

You are bound to experience some form of physical contact or the other
whenever you are interacting with their people.

Physical contact could be something as mild as a handshake to a more

intense contact such a hug.

Whatever the nature of the contact, it might be very useful in enabling

you to analyze the behavior of others.

The Handshake

Starting with the handshake, which is perhaps the most common form of
physical contact; a handshake can say a lot about the behavior of the person you
are interacting.

A firm handshake can, for instance, indicate that the individual is self-
confident or someone with high self-esteem.

Similarly, a firm handshake is also an indicator that someone is more

likely to be committed to their obligations.

Such a person might, therefore, be the ideal candidate to get into business
with since they are least likely to let you down.

On the other hand, a soft handshake can also tell you a lot about the
behavior of the individual you are interacting with.

People with soft handshakes are most often than not non-committal.

They might have low motivation levels towards their work, and this might
undermine their overall performance.
 Finally, there are people who would insist on having put their plans on top
of the other person’s palm during the handshake.

In most cases, such individuals tend to be domineering and would insist

on having their way in many situations.

The Hug

In addition to a handshake, a hug is also another notable form of physical

interaction that most people experience on a day to day basis.

Unlike a handshake, a hug is a more intimate form of physical interaction

that can also be used to analyze the behavior of the person you are interacting
with.

A hug can be warm and inviting.

A warm and inviting hug indicates that the person is open-minded and
genuinely interested in you or your ideas.

For instance, you go for a first date with someone you just met online, and
after the date, you end hugging them and realize that the hug is warm and
inviting.

This is an indicator that the person is likely to be interested in you and

will be more than willing to agree to a second date.

On the other hand, a hug can also be withdrawn and even feel
uncomfortable.

In such a case, the other person might not really naturally be a non-
committal person, or they might just not be interested in you.

Be Wary Of Signs of Intuitive Empathy

It is human nature to relate to the feelings and emotions of the people

around us.
 For instance, when a friend loses a loved one, it is only natural for one to
feel sad for their friend and relate to the loss.

Such extension of emotional connection is, at times referred to as

empathy.

Empathy differs significantly from sympathy, which is basically an

expression of sorrow or pity to another person without necessarily relating to
what they are going through.

There are cases where expression of empathy might not be genuine.

This is because a person might behave in a manner to suggest that they

empathize with what you are going through, but in reality, they do not.

For instance, someone might appear sad, but in reality, they are actually
rejoicing in your adversity.

Lack of genuine empathy could be an indicator that the person you

depend on might not really go out of their way to help you despite their earlier
indication that they would do so.

There are various signs that could reveal that the person is not genuinely
empathetic to your situation.

For instance, the person might appear sad, but the same emotion is not
expressed in their eyes.

As earlier pointed out, the eyes play a key role in revealing a person’s true
emotions, and thus, real sadness must be reflected in the eyes as well.

Similarly, genuine empathy also tends to go hand in hand with the actions
of the person expressing such emotion.

To this end, when a person is genuinely empathetic with you, they will go
out of their way to offer both emotional and physical support.
 Otherwise, such an expression of empathy is likely to be dishonest and
might not result in much.

Pay Attention to Physical Appearance

The physical appearance of someone relates to how they present

themselves to other people.

Physical appearance comprises the choice of clothing that a person

chooses to wear their choice of haircut or hairdo and even use of makeup.

The physical appearance of an individual plays a key role when it comes

to analyzing the manner in which they are likely to behave.

The preference for power clothing such as power suits by both men and
women reveals that the person is most likely to be self-confident.

Similarly, such clothing can also reveal the fact that the person is more
likely to be a conformist.

This is someone who is likely to adhere to the established norms ad

preferences within the society.

On the other hand, preference for casual appearances such as wearing

such as t-shirt and jeans could indicate the likelihood of non-conformist
behavior.

Furthermore, excessive use f make up is a sign of a person who is likely

to go out of their way in order to please others.

Look Out For the Walking Style

The way that a person walks can also be used to analyze their behavior.

Walking styles can tell whether or not a person is self-confident,

determined, or unsure of themselves.
 In most cases, people who walk with their heads held up high and chest
forward are usually self-confident and go-getters.

Such individuals are more likely to face up to their challenges and come
up with solutions that can adequately address these challenges.

On the contrary, those who walk with their heads bowed down; shoulders
shrugged with short unsure strides will mostly end up being unsure of
themselves, lack self-confidence, and have low self-esteem.

Why Is It Important To Analyze The Behavior Of Other People?

Analyzing the behavior of other people makes it easy for one to know
what their actual stance on a given issue.

It is typical for human beings always to try to impress one another.

Consequently, more people are likely to tell you what they think you want
to hear as opposed to telling what is actually on their mind.

This is not sustainable, especially when it comes to interpersonal

relationships.

Sooner rather than later, the other person will find out your true position
on the issue and they will feel that you have been dishonest with them.

Furthermore, as the party who is being polite, you might end up feeling
that you have been taken advantage of since your concerns have not been
addressed.

Keeping things bottled up can lead to adverse consequences.

For instance, a person spending too much time worrying about something
but is you not willing to share the same is not good for their health.

The person will end up stressing yourself and even developing disorders
and diseases such as depression occasioned by high-stress levels.
 When you know how to analyze the behavior of other people, you will be
able to intervene and find out the underlying issues that are giving them
sleepless nights.

This will make it easier to find solutions, thereby ensuring that they do
not suffer any of the adverse effects associated with keeping things bottled up.

It is important to know how to go about analyzing the behavior of others

so as to avert potentially undesirable outcomes.

Someone might be hiding something from you due to ill motives.

For instance, they might know about an impending activity that can
undermine your career, but they hold onto the information.

Having the capacity to analyze both verbal and non-verbal cues based on
their behavior will enable you to take proactive measure in order to prevent
such an eventuality.

Finally, the ability to analyze behavior is crucial when it comes to law

enforcement.

Law enforcement officers interact with criminally minded individuals on

a regular basis.

Such people have perfected the art of deception so to conceal their

criminal activities.

However, if the police are able to analyze their behavior, then they will be
in a better position to interpret such behavior and come up with clues that can
enable solve various criminal cases.
 Chapter 3: Advantage Of Analyzing A Person
In Professional And Private Life

Your capacity to analyses people might determine whether you will

succeed or fail. Human beings are social animals. We almost always need the
input of other human beings in order to achieve our important life goals. But
what happens if we take on people that are unfit for their roles? We suffer
defeat. Thus, it is of utmost importance to be able to analyze people. The
following are some of the benefits of analyzing people.

It helps you know your allies

Whether you like it or not, the entire world will not take a liking to you.
Some people will be for you, and other people will be against you. In order to
maximize your chances of success, you must work with people who like you,
while ignoring those who dislike you. Your capability to analyze people will
help you single out those who are in favor of you. Considering that people can
be pretty complex, your capability to understand their true persona cannot be
overstated. For instance, if you're pursuing a career that involves serving the
public, you will find yourself surrounded by all sorts of people. Clearly, not all
of those people wish you well. Nevertheless, in the same breath, not all of them
are against you. In such a situation, you have to exercise a lot of care, lest you
end up working with your enemy who will eventually bring you down. If you
tell your secrets to the enemy, he will run out there and spill it all. If you get
close enough to the enemy, he might sow bad thoughts into your mind, which
will see you taking the wrong direction. All of these can be avoided by
sharpening your capability to tell good people apart from bad people. Of course,
this is not a skill you can develop overnight. You have to practice repeatedly
until you are good at spotting the fake ones.

It helps avoid conflict

In most cases, conflict arises because of a disparity in expectations. In a

relationship, if the man expects one thing from his mate, and his wish is never
met, it can cause him grief. And the vice versa is true. These are the kind of
scenarios that cause conflict in a relationship. If the man had taken the time to
understand what their partner is really like, they would not be shocked at a later
time, when their partner behaved a certain way. Thus, it is important to
understand the person that you're getting into a relationship with, for this will
minimize your fights. Analyzing a person helps you understand their triggers.
You get an opportunity to decide whether or not you want to involve yourself
with them. If you're looking for a life partner, there are some things that you
cannot compromise on, and so you must analyze potential candidates to find out
whether or not they possess these characteristics. If you ignore this step, you are
at risk of having a tumultuous marriage. Understanding what other people's
personalities are like is a form of educating yourself on how to act or not act in
front of these people. When you learn that someone is not into corny jokes, you
will stop yourself from acting in a corny way, and in the same breath, when you
realize that someone has a very fun attitude, you will try not to be a bore.

It allows you to appreciate diversity

Human beings are incredibly diverse. And this is a good thing. You
cannot really understand this diversity until you pay attention to other people.
Someone who comes from Asia might exhibit certain personality traits that
differ from the average American. This is not a chance to bash the Asian for
being different than you, but rather, it is an opportunity to appreciate the
uniqueness of the Asian. People who bash others for being different than them
are simply narrow-minded. Analyzing people gives you the power to recognize
and accept our differences. It makes you a more cultured person. If you travel to
other parts of the world, you will easily fit in because you have a mindset of
adjusting. On the other hand, someone who is opposed to the recognition and
appreciation of diversity will find himself at loggerheads with people who are
unlike him.

It helps you fine-tune your goals

We don't live in a vacuum. The actions, words, and behaviors of other

people will affect us. Every person has an idol that they look up to. Your idol is
the person that you would want to trade lives with. Apart from giving you hope;
your role model gives you an opportunity to study the various qualities you will
require in that line of work. For instance, if you want to become a journalist,
you must know that it is not just about having language skills, but you must
improve your personality, so that more people will not only be comfortable
around you, enough to open up and let out their secrets. When you take on the
practice of keenly observing other people, you are in a position to determine
which career path suits your qualities.

It helps you understand the motivations of people

At the end of the day, there's a motive behind every action, but these
motives are not always obvious. Some people will instantly reveal who they are,
but there are people who will try to downplay their real image. But if you're a
good observer, you can always tell what is going on. By taking your time to
analyze people, you are in a much better position to understand what their goals
are. Having this knowledge helps you take self-preserving decisions.
Manipulative people are known for acting or speaking in a way that won’t
betray their manipulative agenda. Unless you are extra careful in your analysis
of their persona, you might miss their motive, and become another one of their
victims.

It helps you understand a person's strengths

 Every human being has both weaknesses and strengths. The reason why
some of us become successful is that we capitalize on our strengths. Failure to
capitalize on our strengths can make us feel disillusioned about life. The skill of
identifying our strengths is important in identifying other people's strengths.
Thus, when you are looking for someone to work with, you will be in a position
to identify their strengths and weaknesses, which will make your team of high
quality.

It helps in predicting behavior

Your capability to analyze personalities is vital in predicting how various

people will act under different circumstances. Life is not one smooth ride. There
are many challenges encountered on the road. In addition, for the most part,
success depends on how we handle challenges. Being able to analyze various
personalities empowers you to understand how people will react to challenges.
For instance, if you notice that someone has the markings of a violent
personality, or has anger issues, you might want to skip on that person because
their violent nature will become soon apparent.
Chapter 4: Type Communication
 Verbal Communication
The way we express ourselves verbally to another person or within a
group is the most common form of communication. How we speak to other
people and how they communicate with us has an impact on our response and
perception. While non-verbal cues and communication are important to
understand, there are elements to a verbal expression that is equally vital to
become familiar with:

A person’s tone, emphasis, or lack of emphasis on certain words, phrases,

and speech can vary widely depending on their intentions. For example, a
simple phrase may seem uneventful or unimportant if spoken in a monotone or
unenthusiastic tone of voice. If the person is known for making sarcastic
remarks or statements, a dull expression may indicate sarcasm or simply a lack
of interest. If the same phrase or statement is spoken with more enthusiasm or
excitement, it may generate more attention and an equally excited response.
Sometimes it’s not what we say, but rather how we say it.

The volume and speed at which we talk and be an indicator of our mood
or attitude surrounding a specific topic or event. For example, if we state “I
have to go to school” in a slow, quiet and monotone voice, it may signify
boredom or displeasure in attending school.

On the other hand, if we make the statement with more cheer and express
it loudly, it may indicate something more positive. Speaking quickly and
stumbling over words may indicate nervousness or fear, whereas speaking
loudly with a deliberate tone may denote anger or frustration.

Verbal sounds, such as sighing, laughter, pausing or using “filler” words

such as “umm” or “uh” can indicate a variety of different moods or
impressions.
 Pausing during a sentence or conversation may be a sign thinking before
you speak, or simply “searching” for the right words or description to use as a
response. Sighing can be a sign of frustration, despair, or grief. It can also
indicate being tired and not wanting to talk any further. Laughter usually
indicates a light-hearted or humorous comment, or it can indicate nervousness.
Some people will use laughter to convince others that they are happier or more
content, whether that is the case or not.

The style of verbal communication can indicate a lot about how a person
feels. Interpreting verbal cues or changes in speech patterns or mood can signal
when it is appropriate to respond, how to respond, and when merely leaving the
conversation is the best option. For example, if a person sounds nervous or
anxious, providing comforting words and encouragement may be appropriate. If
someone sighs or shows signs of frustration, asking them if they need assistance
or simply giving them space for reflection can be a useful way to
communicate.
 Non-Verbal Body Language

Facial Expressions
Facial expressions and gestures are an essential means of understanding
what people mean to say and how even when they may not verbalize their
innermost thoughts and ideas. Most facial gestures or movements are easy to
understand and require little or no explanation. If a good friend or family
member smile upon meeting with you, they are displaying joy and contentment.
During a tragic event or mourning a loss, people may display a somber
expression of sadness. Other emotions and experiences can trigger many
different facial expressions, and some are more obvious than others. In cases
where a person is confronted with making a decision or asked if they accept or
agree with a certain rule or decision, they may state “yes, sure,” yet frown at the
same time. These two concurrent, yet conflicting lines of communication can
mean that the person wants you to believe that he or she is in agreement, but
their facial expression indicates they do not agree.

Sometimes, facial expressions are obvious and other types they can be
contrary or opposite to what a person may say. Examples of communication
through facial gestures or expressions often convey true emotions, including
fear, anger, sadness, confusion, excitement, shock, and happiness. If a person’s
facial expression matches how we perceive them or how they speak, we tend to
trust them because they are showing consistent or “true” feelings.

In several studies conducted on the impact of facial expressions and their

impact on other people, it was noted that more people recognized happier,
joyful expressions as being more confident and intelligent, whereas angry,
frustrated expressions were not valued as highly. Some people may use a smile
or friendly face to mask true feelings of sadness or anger so that they are not
perceived as they truly feel.

Eye Reading
 Eye movements, gazing, or avoiding contact are examples of
communication.

Eye expressions are often used with other facial gestures to show a variety
of emotions or reactions.

They can also indicate whether a person is paying close attention if they
are interested in what you have to say, or whether they prefer to avoid the
conversation altogether. In studying the various types of eye expressions or
movements, we can gain a better understanding of how they communicate with
us:

If a person maintains consistent eye contact with a continuous gaze, they

are likely interested in you and what you have to say or offer.

If you maintain eye contact with someone, they will likely “read” this
gesture as a show of interest and attention. People respond well to attention and
will often go to great lengths to maintain it once they have your undivided
attention.

Avoiding eye contact and/or frequently looking away is a sign of

disinterest or boredom in a topic or person. If you have to continuously remind
someone to notice you or speak louder or more enthusiastically to hold another
person’s attention, it’s likely because you’ve noticed a lack of interest. They
may dart their eyes away from you and look elsewhere. If they are tired or
overworked, it may simply mean that they don’t possess the energy to pay
attention at the moment, though they may show more interest at another time.
Another reason for avoiding eye contact may occur when someone feels
embarrassed, uncomfortable, or attempting to hide their true feelings or
thoughts on a topic or situation. While some people are eager to debate or
challenge a subject, many people prefer to avoid the discussion altogether. They
may not express this verbally, though their lack of eye contact is a sure sign of
avoidance.
 Blinking may be a sign of excitement or nervousness. Some people may
often blink or on occasion. They may not even be aware of it, as it is a normal
function that occurs whether we realize it or not. In situations where a person
may be overtired or bored, they may purposely blink to keep their focus.
Blinking may also be a habit or circumstantial and have not related to
expression or communication at all sometimes.

Eye rolling or making deliberate movements in direct response to a joke

or comment are other examples of eye expressions. They are usually specific in
nature, such as responding to a silly joke with eye-rolling or closing your eyes
momentarily to show displeasure or disagreement with a statement or opinion.
 In addition to eye expressions, facial movements, and verbal cues, there
are many other verbal and non-verbal signs that can give us an indication of
someone’s true feelings or intentions. Examples of hand gestures, postures, and
other non-verbal motions are described in more detail below:

Hand Gestures
The way we gesture with our hands, arms, and fingers can show
enthusiasm or excitement about a specific topic in general. There are specific
movements and symbols or signs we make that can be more indicative of
something we want, request, or to show approval. One simple gesture of the
fingers or sway of the hand can mean the difference between dismissal and
approval. Other movements are habitual and maybe a specific characteristic of a
person’s mannerisms as well:

Fingers are often used to communicate in a quick and simple way,

especially when verbalizing isn’t an option (due to a long-distance or busy
crowd), and a clear sign is needed. For example, giving a “thumbs up” is a sign
of approval or agreement. It may also confirm that everything is in order and
“good.” “Thumbs down” can indicate failure or disappointment. Pointing
fingers can be an accusatory action and used to aim or point at someone to
blame them for action. This gesture can also be used, in some cases, for
emphasis or as a way to describe a situation or scenario while keeping your
attention. In most cases, finger-pointing is considered rude and even obscene. It
can make someone feel targeted or humiliated and should be avoided.

An upward “V” was used as a sign of peace in the 1960s or as a symbol

of victory. Forming a circle with the index and thumb, with the remaining
fingers spread indicates everything is “ok.” It’s also a signal that a plan or event
is in good order. It can also symbolize perfection. To curl your index finger
towards someone can summon them. One of the most positive finger symbols
worldwide is the crossing of the index and middle finger. This indicates good
fortune and luck. In some countries or regions, these and other hand signs could
be interpreted as something negative, such as an insult or lewd comment.

It’s always a good idea to research hand gestures and other customs
before traveling, to ensure appropriate and respectful communication is used.

A flat hand will often mean “stop” or stay back, to limit contact with
someone or signal for them to cease acting or behaving in a certain way. This
sign can similarly mean “stay” or to hold a specific thought or position.

It can also translate into “talk to the hand,” which basically indicates a
lack of interest in communicating with someone, therefore, using your hand as a
barrier. In some cultures, this hand sign can indicate reassurance, or as a way to
summon or ask someone for their assistance.

Body Posture
Our posture and how we pose can give away our innermost thoughts and
insecurities. When a person is often slouching forward and looking downward,
it’s a symptom of shame or a lack of self-confidence. It may be a pose or
position that we don’t intend to portray, as it may reveal certain feelings of
insecurity or weaknesses that we would rather hide.

When a person sits or stands with their arms open and with a straight,
upright posture, it shows engagement and confidence when they speak or listen.
They are interested in what the other person or people have to say and want to
contribute. Some people may go further to lean forward to acknowledge when
someone makes a comment.

Signs of avoidance, tension or feeling defensive are often conveyed

through body language and a variety of poses and positions, including sitting
with arms folded across the chest with a stern facial expression or none at all.
 In this position, the upper body may be turned away from the person
communicating to indicate their disapproval or a clear message of having no
interest in reciprocating. In a standing position, a person showing avoidance
may simply walk away, usually with their arms folded and all forms of contact,
with their eyes or face are minimized as much as possible. Other signs of
avoidance or limiting contact may include fidgeting, looking away, or gazing in
another direction to display a clear message of disinterest.

Displaying confidence and a willingness to communicate is often shown

with open gestures that symbolize and an invitation to talk or share discussion.
In this situation, the posture is confident, and hands are usually used minimally
unless gesturing to supplement the description of a situation or item.

When people display a confident, upright posture with direct eye contact
and a firm but a friendly disposition, they are more likely to grab your attention
and keep you listening. Some people are natural with social engagement, while
others practice these techniques to improve their performance in business,
networking, and sales.

Head Movements

Nodding, shaking from side to side or tilting to one side are all examples
of head movements that convey a certain feeling or emotion. Tilting the head to
one side is a way of saying, “I’m interested and want to know more.” When
someone displays this action, it usually means they want to listen to you and are
interested in what you have to say. In some cases, it can be a sign that feels
attraction towards you, and for this reason, they want to know more about you.
In some situations, where a person is observing an event or piece of artwork,
they may tilt their head when they are trying to understand or interpret its
meaning or message. This may occur when the image or item is complex or
enigmatic, and tilting your head to adjust the gaze or perspective can provide
more options for viewing and understanding.
 Tilting the head upwards to extend the chin is a show of dominance or
feel above other people. It can also indicate a strong sense of confidence in
leadership. It’s often used by executives and politicians when they speak to a
crowd or group. This gesture can also be read as a form of arrogance or
superiority, which may effectively hide any insecurity and convey a sense of
fearlessness. On the contrary, by tilting the head and chin downward, this could
mean rejection, bashfulness, or a sense of shame. It also indicates a lack of
confidence and can make others see you as more sensitive to criticism. Facing
forward with your chin pushed inward indicates a defensive gesture or a sign
that someone feels threatened by a new event, situation, or change. This gesture
may spontaneously occur when another person “steals” the spotlight from
someone else.

Nodding of the head is a common non-verbal way of saying “yes” or “I

agree” with someone. If done quickly and anxiously, a quick nod may indicate a
strong eagerness to agree and coincide with another person’s comments and
ideas. Shaking the head from side to side is usually the opposite of nodding,
indicating a “no” or non-approval.

Playfully tossing the head from one side to another during a casual
conversation may indicate signs of attraction towards someone in the group. It
also displays a measure of comfort and willingness to submit and engage on a
more personal level.

Handwriting
The way people write says a lot about their personality and how they
express themselves. Often, people tend to use texting and online communication
as their main source of written expression, though handwriting still remains
important for taking notes, signing paperwork and adding a personal touch or
expression to a card or letter. The most common use of handwriting, especially
in business, is a signature. The formation of letters, their spacing, and size are
factors taken into consideration when analyzing a person through their
handwriting:

Letters spaced apart and written in a medium to large size can indicate a
sense of freedom and sincerity. This may also indicate a tendency towards being
more generous and sharing, and a sense of independence and a free-spirited
attitude.

Letters or words that were written closely together may indicate that a
person is not aware of personal space or boundaries and may be intrusive or
step over the line sometimes.

Printing lightly with a pen or pencil indicates a degree of sensitivity and

care, whereas a heavier hand can mean a more tense and angry attitude. An
evenly, moderately printing pressure is ideal, as it can indicate a level of
consistency and commitment in the writer

Some signatures are clear and easy to read, whereas others may appear
like a scribble or illegible. People who sign with a deliberately clear print or
handwriting are easier to understand and desire to be understood. They tend to
be straight-forward and an “open book.” People who use messy or less legible
styles of signatures tend to be more private and concealed.

The way t’s are crossed, I’s are dotted, and other letters are formed also
provide ways in which we read other people by their writing habits.

Some analysis of even seemingly insignificant styles in writing, such as

how closely an “I” is dotted to the openness or closed loop of a lowercase “l”
can seem trivial, though they are all signs of specific personality types and
practices. For example, when an “I” is closely dotted, this may indicate an
organized mind and lifestyle. Dots over an “I” or “j” that are more playful, such
as a circle or heart, may be interpreted as creative and inventive. If a person
crosses their “t” high, they may have a goal-oriented way of living, where they
aim high and strive for greatness, whereas crossing a “t” low or barely at all
may be a lack of ambition or drive. In handwriting a lowercase “l,” a large loop
may show a sign of an open-mind and ready-to-learn mentality, whereas a
smaller space within the loop is likely a sign of close-mindedness and
stubbornness.

Round, circular letters indicate a potential for creativity and artistic talent.
If letters are both round, curvy and large, this may indicate a combination of
showing generosity along with a talent for the arts, with a willingness to share
their talent and abilities with others for greater appreciation. Pointed, sharply
written letters and words indicate a sign of intelligence and logic.

The way letters are slanted in handwriting can indicate.

Being able to communicate well is extremely important when wanting to

succeed in the personal and professional world, but it isn’t the words you say
that scream. It is your body language that does the screaming. Your gestures,
posture, eye contact, facial expressions, and tone of voice are your best
communication tools. These have the ability to confuse, undermine, offend,
build trust, draw others in, or put someone at ease.

There are many times where what someone says and what their body
language says is totally different. Non-verbal communication could do five
things:

Substitute – It could be used in place of a verbal message.

Accent – It could underline or accent your verbal message.
Complement – It could complement or add to what you are
saying verbally.
Repeat – It could strengthen and repeat your verbal message.
 Contradict – It could go against what you are trying to say
verbally to make your listener think that you are lying.
There are many different forms of Non-verbal communication that will be
looked at within this chapter. We are going to cover:

Gestures – These have been woven into our lives. You might
speak animatedly; argue with your hands, point, wave, or beckon. Gestures do
change according to cultures.
Facial expressions – You will learn that the face is expressive
and able to show several emotions without speaking one word. Unlike what you
say and other types of body language, facial expressions are usually universal.
Eye contact – Because sight tends to be our strongest sense for
most people, it is an important part of Non-verbal communication. The way
someone looks at you could tell you whether they are attracted to you,
affectionate, hostile, or interested. It might also help the conversation flow.
Body movement and posture – Take a moment to think about
how you view people based on how they hold their head, stand, walk around,
and sit. The way a person carries their self gives you a lot of information.
Non-verbal communication could go wrong in several different ways. It is
very easy to confuse different signals and the rest of this chapter will make sure
that won’t happen.

Lower Body
The arms share a lot of information. The hands share a lot more, but legs
give us the exclamation point and can tell us exactly what someone is thinking.
The legs could tell you if a person is open and comfortable. They could also
who dominance or where they want to go.

Legs Touching
When a person is standing, they will only be able to touch their bottom or
thighs. This can be done seductively or they could slap their legs as if they are
saying “Let’s go.” It might also indicate irritation. This is when you have to pay
attention to the context of the conversation. This is very important.

Pointing Feet
Look at the direction of a person’s feet to see where their attention is.
Their feet will always point toward what is on their mind or what they are
concentrating on. Everyone has a lead foot and it all depends on their dominant
hand. If a person is talking that we are interested in is talking, our lead foot will
be pointing toward them. But, if they want to leave the situation, you will notice
their foot pointing toward an exit or the way they want to go. If a person is
sitting during the conversation, look at where their feet are pointing to see what
they are truly interested in.

6. Smarty Pants
This is a position where someone tries to make themselves look bigger.
They will usually be seated with their legs splayed open and leaning back. They
might even spread their arms out and lock them behind their head. This is
normally used by people who feel dominant, superior, or confident.

Shy Tangle
This is usually something that women do more than men. Anyone who
begins to feel shy or timid will sometimes entangle their legs by crossing them
under and over to try to block out bad emotions and to make themselves look
smaller. There is another shy leg twirl that people will do when they are
standing. The actual act of this movement is crossing one leg over the other and
hooking that foot behind their knee as if they are trying to scratch an itch.

Upper Body
Upper body language can show signs of defensiveness since the arms
could easily be used as a shield. Upper body language could involve the chest.
Let’s look at some upper body language.

Leaning
 If someone leans forward, it will move them closer to another person.
There are two possible meaning to this. First, it will tell you that they are
interested in something, which could just be what you are talking about. But,
this movement could also show romantic interest. Second, leaning forward
could invade a person’s personal space; hence, this shows them as a threat. This
is often an aggressive display. This is done unconsciously by powerful people.

The Superman
This is commonly used by bodybuilders, models, and it was made popular
by Superman. This could have various meanings depending on how a person
uses it. Within the animal world, animals will try to make themselves look
bigger when they feel threatened. If you look at a house cat when they get
spooked, they will stretch their legs and their fur stands on end. Humans also
have this, even if it isn’t as noticeable. This is why we get goosebumps.
Because we can’t make ourselves look bigger, we have to come up with arm
gestures like putting our hands on our waist. This shows us that a person is
getting ready to act assertively.

This is normal for athletes to do before a game or a wife who is nagging

their spouse. A guy who is flirting with a girl will use this to look assertive.
This is what we call a readiness gesture.

The Chest in Profile

If a person stands sideways or at a 45-degree angle, they are trying to
accentuate their chest. They might also thrust out their chest, more on this in a
minute. Women do this posture to show off their breasts and men will do this to
show off their profile.

Outward Thrust Chest

If someone pushes their chest out, they are trying to draw attention to this
part of their body. This could also be used as a romantic display. Women
understand that men have been programmed to be aroused by breasts. If you see
a woman pushing her chest out, she might be inviting intimate relations. Men
will thrust out their chest to show off their chest and possibly trying to hide their
gut. The difference is that men will do this to women and other men.

Hands

Human hands have 27 bones and they are a very expressive part of the
body. This gives us a lot of capability to handle our environment.
 Reading palms isn’t about just looking at the lines on the hands. After a
person’s face, the hands are the best source for body language. Hand gestures
are different across cultures and one hand gesture might be innocent in one
country but very offensive in another.

Hand signals may be small but they show what our subconscious is
thinking. A gesture might be exaggerated and done using both hands to show a
point

Control
If a person is holding their hand with their palms facing down, they might
be figuratively holding onto or restraining another person. This could be an
authoritative action that is telling you to stop now. It might be a request asking
you to calm down. This will be apparent if someone places their dominant hand
on top of a handshake. If they are leaning on their desk with their palms flat,
this shows dominance.

If their palms face outward toward another person, they might be trying to
fend them off or push them away. They might be saying “stop, don’t come
closer.”

If they are pointing their finger or their entire hand, they might be telling
someone to leave now.

Greeting
Our hands get used a lot to greet other people. The most common way is
with a handshake. Opening up the palm shows they don’t have any weapons.
This gets used when saluting, waving, or greeting others.

During this time, we get to touch another person and it might send various
signals.
 Dominance can be shown by shaking hands and placing the other hand on
top. How long and how strong they shake the hand will tell you that they are
deciding on when to stop the handshake.

Affection could be shown with the duration and speed of the handshake,
smiles, and touching with the other hand. The similarity between this one and
the dominant one could lead to a situation when a dominant person will try to
pretend they are just being friendly.

Submission gets shows by placing their palms up. Floppy handshakes that
are clammy along with a quick withdrawal also show submission.

Most handshakes use vertical palms that will show equality. They will be
firm but won’t crush and for the right amount of time so both parties know
when they should let go.

Waving is a great way to greet people and could be performed from a long
distance.

Salutes are normally done by the military, where a certain style is

prescribed.

Holding
A person who has cupped hands shows they can hold something gently.
They show delicacy or holding something fragile. Hands that grip will show
desire, possessiveness, or ownership. The tighter the fist, the stronger they are
feeling a specific emotion.

If someone is holding their own hands, they are trying to comfort

themselves. They could be trying to restrain themselves so they will let
somebody else talk. It could be used if they are angry and it is stopping them
from attacking. If they are wringing their hands, they are feeling extremely
nervous.
 Holding their hands behind their back will show they are confident
because they are opening up their front. They may hide their hands to conceal
their tension. If one hand is gripping the other arm, the tighter and higher the
grip, the tenser they are.

Two hands might show various desires. If one hand is forming a fist but
the other is holding it back, this might show that they would like to punch
somebody.

If someone is lying, they will try to control their hands. If they are holding
them still, you might want to be a bit suspicious. Remember that these are just
indicators and you should look for other signals.

If someone looks like they are holding onto an object like a pen or cup,
this shows they are trying to comfort themselves. If a person is holding a cup
but they are holding it very close and it looks like they are “hugging” the cup,
they are hugging themselves. Holding onto any item with both hands shows
they have closed themselves off from others.

Items might be used as a distraction to release nervous energy like

holding a pen but they are clicking it off and on, doodling, or messing with it. If
their hands are clenched together in front of them but they are relaxed, and their
thumbs are resting on each other it might be showing pleasure.

Shaping
Our hands have the ability to cut our words into the air to emphasize the
things we say and their meaning. We are trying to create visualization.

If a man is trying to describe the fish he caught during his fishing trip, he
might try to show the shape by indicating it with his hands. He might also carve
out a certain shape that he wants his ideal mate to be. Other gestures might be
cruder when they hold specific body parts and move sexually.

Face
 People’s facial expression could help us figure out if we trust or believe
what they are saying. The most trustworthy expression will have a slight smile
and a raised eyebrow. This expression will sow friendliness and confidence.

We make judgments about how intelligent somebody is by their facial

expressions. People who have narrow faces with a prominent nose were thought
to be extremely intelligent. People who smile and have joyous expressions
could be thought of as being intelligent rather than someone who looks angry.

Mouth
Mouth movements and expressions are needed when trying to read body
language. Chewing on their lower lip might indicate a person who is feeling
fearful, insecure, or worrying.

If they cover their mouth, this might show that they are trying to be polite
if they are yawning or coughing. It might be an attempt to cover up disapproval.
Smiling is the best signal, but smiles can be interpreted in many ways. Smiles
can be genuine or they might be used to show cynicism, sarcasm, or false
happiness.

Watch out for the following:

Their lips are pursed.

If a person tightens their lips might be a sign of distaste, disapproval, or

distrust.

They bite their lip.

People will bite their kip if they are feeling anxious, worried, or stressed.

They cover their mouth.

If a person tries to hide a reaction, they might cover their mouth to hide a
smile or smirk.

Their mouth is turned up or down.

 Changes in the mouth that are subtle might be a sign of how the person is
feeling. If their mouth is turned up a little bit, they might be feeling happy or
optimistic. If their mouth is turned down, they could be feeling sadness,
disapproval, or grimacing.
 Chapter 5: Body Language

What does it mean to be able to read someone? What does it take to

influence the way others read you? When reading, others are mentioned, at least
in this book, what’s really meant is a sizing up of several unspoken factors,
either consciously or subconsciously.

A sizing-up usually consists of rapidly taking in details about someone’s

personal information and personality type based on body language, facial
expression, appearance, and gesticulation. Surprisingly (or perhaps not so
surprising), what you say with words only accounts for a small portion of
someone’s opinion about you. It was recently revealed in studies that body
language, facial expression, and appearance all ranked higher in the forming of
someone’s opinion about another individual, so much so that these silent
communications made up more than half of the basis for the opinion —
speaking only accounted for about 15% of the basis for the opinion.

Whether we like it or not, appearance is most frequently the initial basis

for an opinion to form. We’re a very visual society, and we’ve come to know
and trust the micro-information we gather within just seconds of seeing
someone. Of course, that's not to say the first impression of someone is always
entirely accurate. We’re all aware of stories that illustrate the risks of judging
someone based on their appearance. A beggar could be a prince under the
outward appearance. The new employee could be the boss undercover. But this
doesn’t change the fact that we, as humans, process, visual information about
someone the moment we see them. By and large, it’s not even a conscious
behavior; we’re doing it unconsciously. A visual assessment like this has helped
to keep us safe for thousands of years, so it’s built into us.
 But there is a difference between processing information to make
educated guesses about someone, and consciously using that information to
form a judgment of someone’s value. This is where the real-life morals try to
teach us about making impulsive judgments about someone; condemning them
or idolizing them, based on their appearance. A dangerous practice indeed, and
if this is your approach, it’s only a matter of time before that backfires on you,
too.

Though we may observe a person’s hairstyle, clothing, shoes, or car in

order to make relatively innocuous determinations about them, we do not need
to weigh a person’s value based upon these things. For example, a scruffy,
unkempt look with dirty clothes and worn shoes may provide us with a rough
estimation that this individual may not have the means to look good, or the
individual may not put too much value on appearance him or herself. Both of
these pieces of information can instantly help you to make a connection and
build a rapport with someone, better than without. You may find as you connect,
that there’s an entirely different reason for the appearance, but it doesn’t matter
much, because you have not judged a person’s value by these details. You’ve
only used these details to form some sort of an idea about who someone is, and
because you have virtually no value connected to any of it, it’s easy for you to
adapt your perception of someone as you go along.

Other unspoken cues continue to inform you and help to form a

determination as you go along through the interaction. The way someone
stands, whether they make eye contact, whether they use their hands and body
to gesticulate or whether they remain calm and still. The movements of their
eyebrows and their lips. All of these little details are being processed by us
consciously or subconsciously and helping to create an idea of who someone is
and what they’re all about.

Reading the unspoken body language is a highly effective skill, but you
can even read into someone’s spoken communication for more unspoken clues.
By paying attention to the tones and inflections someone uses, you can
determine how they truly feel about a situation regardless of what they report to
feel. It’s often the words people don’t say that reveal the most.

The best way to learn about reading others accurately, and broadcasting
yourself deliberately, is to understand basic human behavior. By acquainting
yourself more closely with our basic human instincts and tendencies, you’ll be
able to pick up twice as much information in an interactive as you used to.
You’ll begin to notice it in all the interactions you have, and you’ll become
more aware of when you do it, too. This alone will make you a much better
persuasive communicator, but we can go further than that.

In this section, you’ll gain clarity on which common basic concerns drive
us as human beings, and how the persuasive individual can use this information
to influence a situation by either reading it and responding to it, or by
portraying it as a subtle, unspoken, manipulation. We’ll focus for the most part
on body language, gestures, and expressions, how to read them, and how to use
them. Cognizant of your own broadcasting, and of theirs. You don't have to do
anything with this information just yet necessarily. Training yourself to look and
listen for it and recognize it is sufficient for now.

The Basics of Body Language

Think back to one of the most recent interactions you’ve had. Perhaps this
was a situation at work, or at the store, or at a recent event. Take a moment to
think back to that scene. Remember where you were, who was there, what was
being discussed or done; think of the details of the moment. Try to see yourself
there again. Now consider the posture you were standing with and the posture,
others around you were holding. Ask yourself if anyone had their arms crossed.
Were they looking toward the door?

Each of these small details is revealing information about you or about

others around you. These details can be used to move the interaction along in a
positive and beneficial way, or they can clue you into someone else’s true
intentions.

Posture is a common way for us to gauge someone’s self-confidence and

self-image. In a typical case, a slouching posture can be indicative of someone
with a lower level of self-confidence and self-worth than someone who stands
tall. However, a stance can be too aggressive or too close to the personal space
of another, and you will be perceived as overbearing. Posture is one of the first
pieces of body language we perceive to either consciously or subconsciously
draw inferences from it about the person.

We pick up information about posture as soon as we get a visual of

someone, but there is another tactic we can use discreetly to help you identify
some basics about a prospect. The tactic is to look for certain clues that tell you
whether your prospect is a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic sort of individual.

Though there are plenty of similarities amongst us in human behavior,

one of the ways we differ from one another is by the ways in which our best
digest information from the world around us. We use our five senses to register
information, but one of our senses stands out as dominant against the others.
This is typically indicative of the type of person you are and the ways in which
you better digest details about your surroundings. There are three dominant
senses we use to take in and retain information: visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.
Though most of us use all of these senses for absorbing information
 The Sight-Based Person

This personality type is the most common amongst us, making up about
75% of people. Concepts and memories are mainly stored in mind as visual
images and pictures. When they speak, visual people tend to use language that
pertains to vision in order to express themselves. For example, a visual person
might say:

● “I’d like to get your perspective.”

● “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

● “That’s not the vision I had in mind.”

Physically, the visual person will generally stand with an upright, front-
facing posture. This person is typically well-dressed and put together because
they tend to be more concerned with their visual appearance.

When a visual individual is experiencing stress, it tends to be gathered

and held in the shoulder area. This might look like the shoulders rounding and
pulling up toward the ears, or it might look like the shoulders, pulling back and
forcing the spinal area to stiffen. That’s not to say all individuals with visible
tension in their shoulders are absolutely visual people, but it’s quite common,
and it would be a smart piece of information to intuit, even if you end up
changing your mind later based on more information about the person.

When visual people are trying to remember something, they tend to look
upwards. This causes them to develop wrinkles in the center of the forehead.
These individuals tend to have thin lips instead of full lips, which is
subconsciously indicative of a responsible, practical, personality type. This
individual is comfortable making regular eye contact, and they actually start to
feel uneasy if others will not make eye contact with them. For this personality,
eye contact is an important part of building trust in the rapport, and it’s an
indication to them that you’re paying attention as they speak.

The Sound-Based Person

This personality type accounts for about 20% of the people we interact
with. Concepts and memories are primarily stored in mind as sounds, noises,
melodies, and quotes. When they speak, auditory people tend to use language
that pertains to hearing and sound in order to express themselves. For example,
an auditory person might say:

● “I want to voice my concerns.”

● "Let's wait until we get the word.”

● “A bell went off in my mind when I saw him.”

Physically, the auditory personality type may not be as well-dressed or as

concerned with appearance as the visual personality. This is because the visual
representation of themselves to others is less important to them than the
information; they share through talking, sound, and voice.

The auditory individual doesn’t enjoy eye contact as much as visual

people. In situations where eye contact would be normal, the auditory person
may avoid it. Contrary to the way it may appear to some, this is not a sign of
disrespect or disinterest. The auditory person looks down, looks at relevant
papers, or moves a pen around on paper, making a subtle sound. This is actually
the auditory person concentrating on what you’re saying. Eye contact would be
more uncomfortable and therefore, distracting. Rather than be distracted, the
auditory individual is looking somewhere arbitrary in order to focus on the
sound of what you’re saying.

This is the type of personality that clicks their pen, taps their foot, or
drums quietly on the table. This is the most effective way for these individuals
to digest, process, and store information. They are creating a memorable and
meaningful experience with the information to be saved in mind by sound
patterns which makes the information easier to recall in the future.

The Touch-Based Person

This personality type is the hugger. They account for about 5% of the
individuals we interact with. This is the type of individual who likes to get to
know you by sharing personal space with you and touching in various ways.
Like the visual and the auditory personalities, the kinesthetic person will speak
in ways that use a touch- and feeling-based vocabulary. They might use phrases
like:

● “I like to be hands-on.”

● “Let’s put a pin in it for now.”

● “I have a bad feeling about this.”

This individual wants to be near others and wants to get a sense of a

person’s “vibe” by spending time with them in the same (usually small) space.
They tend to be the “touchy-feely” kind of person who prefers to build a rapport
based on physicality and feelings. They love to connect with others, even in
platonic ways, with a touch on the arm or shoulder. You’ll always find the
kinesthetic person dressed for comfort.

If you interact with kinesthetic people, or you are a kinesthetic personality

yourself, it’s important to keep a few things in mind for the most successful
interactions. Remember that while kinesthetic people like to touch in order to
communicate, not everyone else does. In fact, some people are very put off by
physical contact. For some individuals, it’s distracting to have their personal
space disrupted, so they prefer not to hug or make affectionate gestures. It’s
important to respect both sides of the interaction and come to a sort of
subconscious compromise.
 If you’re the kinesthetic person interacting with primarily visual and
auditory people, acknowledge that the majority of people are not kinesthetic
communicators; yours is a small category of individuals. While there are plenty
of visual and auditory personalities that still appreciate hugs and the like, it’s
still not necessarily the way they best absorb information. When you’re building
a rapport, a touch can be a good thing, but if your intention is to educate or
persuade an individual, you will want to use an approach that matches their
personality type for the best results.

If you’re a kinesthetic person testing the waters to see if others are

receptive to touch, you can start slow and see how it goes, but you must pay
attention and take notice of the subtle cues from the individual. An overbearing
kinesthetic approach is the fastest to get shut down because instincts for
protection subconsciously come up. Depending on the situation, it can be nice
to start with a light and casual forms of contact, such as a handshake or an
elbow-to-elbow bump as an accent to a conversation piece. As you build a
rapport, you will be able to determine if you can communicate with this
individual in a more tactical way.

If you’re not the kinesthetic personality and you don’t like to touch, you
don’t have to. But understand that most people do use the contact of some sort
for basic communication so be prepared. If you’re okay with a handshake, you
can extend your hand a second before others, to subconsciously set a boundary
of your personal space. If your hand is very extended from yourself, others will
get the message to respect the space around your body. This establishes a point
of contact for others but comfortably signals a boundary.

Gestures and Expressions

With a solid grasp on how we instinctively react, and which factors play a
part in our reactions, you are capable of an overall assessment of someone (or
yourself). Looking for clues of whether they are more likely to be visual,
auditory, or kinesthetic will give you more insight and leverage for your
interaction. But there’s another layer deeper we can go. Next, let’s take a look at
the most commonly used subconscious expressions and gestures and what they
mean.

Facial Expressions

An easy way to interpret someone's comfort level by looking at their faces

is to pay attention to his or her eyebrows. Eyebrows can be very revealing about
the level of relaxation for others around you. Eyebrows that relax to the outside
of the brow are generally comfortable in the interaction. A raised eyebrow is
often a sign of interest or skepticism. To determine which, try to look for other
clues in gesture and expression. Both raised eyebrows are a sign that an
individual is feeling surprised, fear, or worry.

The side glance is a subconscious movement that also reveals when an

individual is nervous or uncomfortable. The eyes looking to the side are
searching subconsciously for an exit from the interaction.

Lips can be a little more difficult to read, and the takeaway can be rather
vague, but typically those with fuller, larger lips tend to be more free-spirited,
childlike, and even immature. Those with thinner lips are perceived as more
responsible and mature. Though we might not mean to, we do read into the
shape of peoples’ lips. Next time you’re in a crowd, take note of whether
individuals have thin or full lips and whether that trait seems to match up with
other inferences you may be able to draw out from speech and body language.

Nodding is an interesting trait to observe because we (at least in the

Western world) tend to use nods to mean a variety of things from mundane to
sinister. The trick here, like eye contact, is in the context. A person could be
nodding to signal you to hurry along with your conversation subconsciously. Or,
they could be nodding because they want to express concern and care for your
emotions, or agreement with your statements. Look for other behaviors that
might help you to refine your assessment.

People tend to touch their jaw or chin with a hand when they're making
decisions in their minds. However, there's a difference in doing this seriously,
and doing this behavior to appear as though a decision is being made when one
is really not. There is a long history of this gesture being linked to
contemplation or decision-making. From Shakespeare to Bugs Bunny, people
also make this gesture when they want you to think they are making a decision
or consideration. For this reason, you should pay extra close attention to where
the person’s eyes are pointed when they do this. If a genuine decision is being
made, the individual’s eyes will likely be pointed down and to one side when
they touch their jaw or chin. If this same gesture is made, but the person’s eyes
are looking straight ahead, or at you, the consideration is likely a false one.

Stance and feet are also an important communication tool to take note of.
The distance between your feet, the direction they’re pointing, and whether
they’re crossed can all be indications of how open a person is in conversation. If
a person’s feet are pointed toward you and a shoulder distance apart, they are
likely more willing to share information with you and trust you. If the feet are
pointing toward a door, close together, or crossed, the individual is guarded and
may have some emotional walls up. If the feet are placed more than shoulder-
distance apart, the stance is an aggressive one.

Crossed arms or legs are a strong subconscious sign that an individual is

closed off to the interaction This may be out of an exaggerated need to protect
oneself in general, but it could also be a sign that they are specifically untrusting
of the person to whom they are conversing.
 Now it’s time to start paying attention. You’re aware of human reactions
that drive us, and you’re aware of factors that play a role in how we react. It’s
time to start analyzing people for practice. When you’re at a meeting, an event,
or in line at the grocery store, examine the body language of those around you.
Can you tell who communicates best with visual vocabulary and who the
hugger is? Consider the body language you’re giving off in these same places.
Is it accurate? Is it the image you wish to be sent?

For the next seven days, make these observations about yourself and
others in at least one scenario. In a notebook or on your phone, record the date
and the interaction or place. Then record your observations. The goal is to
become a keen observer and sharpen your people-reading skills over the seven
days. At the end of seven days, look back over your observations, and see if
they’ve become more observant and more accurate each day.

It’s recommended that you continue this practice for a few weeks at least.
This will help to program you to look for information on body language
automatically, and it will help you to sharpen the image of yourself you want to
broadcast. As you continue the assignment, remember to go back and analyze
your entries to gauge how well you’re progressing.
 Chapter 6: Posture And Body Orientation

While we have touched on a few here and there, knowing how people
communicate with various movements of their body parts will deliver a lot
about them. You will decipher more about a person's personality and character,
as well as their intention through how they move around. It includes how they
move parts of their body around, and how they generally place themselves.

Body language has two major parts: Kinesics and proxemics. Kinesics is
how someone moves their body or parts of their body. Proxemics, on the other
hand, is the distance between bodies and what they signify. When you become a
skilled observer, you will have a reasonably accurate glimpse into what
someone is thinking. That way, you can then manipulate them better.

Kinesics

Kinesics refers to the movements of body parts, which someone can use
to reinforce what they are saying, or can reveal what someone is trying to hide.
This way, you gain an advantage that you can use to read their minds and make
your move to persuade and influence them.

They include

Body Posture - closed/open arms, slumped shoulders, etc

Body posture is basically, how someone places their body. In body

language, there are two types; closed and open body postures.
 A closed body posture will typically mean that the person has his hands
folded across his chest. They will cross their legs and face away from the person
talking to them. Some people have slumped shoulders and curved backs.

This closed body posture often communicates either that the person is
uncomfortable or not interested in what you are saying. When someone has
slumped shoulders and a curved back, they may be struggling with confidence,
or have a lot going through their mind and feel the weight weighing them down.

An open body posture, on the other hand, communicates interest and a

desire to be approached and engaged. This posture will mean that the person is
welcome to a conversation and will be receptive to your desire to speak with
them.

When someone has an upright standing posture, they are likely more
confident and happier. These people may be optimistic.

Mirroring

Mirroring is the act where you match your body movements with the
other person so that you create a synchronic situation that helps establish a bond
between people. Mirroring, also called mimicry helps build trust, even when the
person you are mirroring does not realize it.

While it sounds creepy, when you do it naturally, and with the right
intention - to understand the other person better, it will help you read into what
the other person is not saying.

Mirroring can take many forms. If the person you are talking to folds their
arms, for example, it could be a sign that they are getting uncomfortable.
However, you can copy them so that they become more at ease as they take it
that they can trust you.

Alternatively, when they lean forward, it shows that they are interested in
the conversation. Lean forward too. You could also lean forward as a cue for the
other person to lean in. Leaning helps, you learn more about them to that, you
can then read their mind and learn how you can persuade them.

You can mimick with words too. Take a keen interest in the words that the
other person frequently. Then, begin to use them sparingly through the
conversation. Subconsciously, the other person will start to settle in your
presence. This ease gives you room to analyze them and know how you can
then approach them to persuade them of your point.

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions are other very revealing body movements. Dr. Paul
Ekman, a researcher, found that we use seven different micro-expressions that
reveal the bigger picture; surprise, fear, disgust, anger, contempt, sadness, and
happiness. These micro-expressions determined how to read well if someone
was faking.

A genuine smile, for example, should involve various muscles on the

face; cheeks, lips, and the eye muscles. A genuine smile will spread across the
whole look. Keep note of that when someone smiles at you.

Proxemics
 Proxemics is the study of how we relate to personal space. The thing with
proxemics is that it is different from cultures and varies from individual to
individual.

However, there is a little that we can learn from proxemics.

Close Distance - Interest

There is a close distance called the close range. We have this kind of
distance with people that we are close with and trust. Often, entering into this
distance with someone you are not close with is disturbing and creepy in many
cultures and with many people.

So, to avoid turning off the other person, keep a safe distance. Ensure that
you are close enough, but not too close to make them uncomfortable and
closeout to your interactions.

Someone might also get close to you if they are interested in you. The
person might not get too close to you, but they will get close enough to you to
pass a message. If a person is trying to catch your attention, for example, they
will get into your personal space but not get into the close distance. However, as
we have learned, context is vital. Use this measure with other indicators, as
someone might stand close to you because that is the appropriate distance in
their culture, or that is just how they view space.
 Social Distance - Impersonal/Formal

Social Distance is the distance we maintain with people such as business

associates, people we are professional around. We often use social distance for
co-workers who we are not well acquainted with or business associates.

The distance also refers to tilt. If one person sits in a position where they
appear to look down on the other person, it may mean that they want to come
across as authoritative.

Pubic Distance - Respectability

This distance happens in a situation where you cannot get close to the
other person because of the many limiting factors. At such a range, arm
movement and gestures become critical. When in public, make a point of using
head movement to pass your point, especially when you speak to a crowd.
These body movements allow them to bond with you despite the distance. Look
at some of the most admired public speakers. You will notice that they use hand
movements and gestures a lot, as well as head movement and exaggerated facial
expressions.

Our body language speaks in ways that we should take time to

understand. But, as we have said, always use them in context for better analysis
of the other person.
 Chapter 7: How to Recognize Who is Lying to
You
A lie can be defined as an assertion that is believed to be forced to simply
deceive somebody. Lies involve a variety of interpersonal and psychological
functions for the people who use them. People use lies for various reasons
which are, at most times, best known to them only. It is believed that every
human being can lie. Multiple types of research have suggested that on an
average day, people tell one or two lies a day. Some surveys have suggested that
96 percent of people admitted to telling a lie at times while 60 percent of a
research study done in the United States claimed that they do not lie at all.
However, the researchers found at least half of that number were lying.
However, scientists say that there are ways in which one can easily spot a lie or
be able to know when somebody is lying to you. Lies can be intended to protect
someone while others are very serious like covering up a crime done. People do
not know what ways they can use to detect a lie, and most of them end up
telling themselves that they can easily detect a lie. You can easily recognize a
lie by noting down the nonverbal cues that people use like for example, a liar
cannot look you directly in the eye; however, researchers have proven that this
might not necessarily work. In 2006, Bond and De Pablo found out that only 54
percent of people were able to detect a lie in a laboratory setting. Investigators
also do not find it easy to detect a lie and can easily be fooled into believing
what is not. Most people believe that trusting your instincts always is the best
way to avoid being fooled.
 Gesture
This is a form of nonverbal communication where body actions tend to
speak or communicate particular messages. Gestures include the movement of
hands, feet, face, and other body parts. Gestures enable one to communicate
non-verbally to express a variety of feelings and thoughts. For example, people
can communicate none verbally when they are in trouble and need somebody’s
help. The gesturing process comes from the brain which is used by speech and
sign language. It is believed that language came from manual gestures that were
being sued by the Homo sapiens. This theory is known as the gestural theory
that was brought about by the renowned philosopher Abbe de Condillac in the
18th century. However, the use of gestures can be a way to note when
somebody is lying to you. Some people find it hard to control their body
motions when telling a lie. That is why gestures are used to detect when
somebody is lying to you. Different body expressions will tell you when a
person is lying.
 The Mouth Cover
This gesture has been at most times used in childhood. A person lying to
you will cover their mouth when trying to prevent themselves from saying the
deceitful words. Most people do not entirely cover their mouths but use just a
few fingers covering the lips. Other people may try to fake a cough to be able
to get a chance to cover their mouths, which by the way, does not make any
difference whether they cover it fully or partly. However, this gesture needs to
be carefully examined before concluding that the person is lying. If the person
covering the mouth is the one talking then it is most likely that they are the ones
lying and if the one covering the mouth is the one listening then this might be a
show that they are carefully listening to what is being said and might be
probably thinking that you are totally not sincere with them. People who can
note this behavior cannot be easily fooled or manipulated or controlled in any
way. The liar will always be afraid of approaching the person since they are
afraid that their intentions will easily be noticed. This reduces the rate at which
people use others to their advantage thereby influencing the community
ethically.
 The Nose Touch
Most people that lie tend to always touch their nose while talking. After
letting go of their mouth, they tend to touch their nose and try to fake that they
are itching. It is almost instant to note when it is just a normal nose itch or when
someone is trying to use it to hide a lie. A normal itch can be relieved quickly
by just a simple scratch, but if someone keeps on scratching and touching their
noses, meaning that they are lying.
 The Eye Rub
The brain tends to use the eye trick as a way of hiding deceit. People who
lie tend to rub their eyes to hide the clear show from their eyes that they are
lying. A lot of people find it difficult to maintain eye contact when they are
lying, and they tend to shy off every time they look at the person they are lying
to. They, therefore, rub their eyes to hide from the fact that they are lying.
People say that the eyes tend to create a sign of doubt to the person you are
talking to. This is why most people rub their eyes to hide this sign.it is said that
men do it very vigorously while women do it gently without having to hurt
themselves much. Being able to recognize this gesture will help the community
and society at large to be able to fight off liars.
 The Ear Grab
When a person is lying, they tend to touch and play around with their ear
lobe as they talk. This makes one feel a bit more comfortable while telling a lie
and also trying to block themselves from hearing the words that they are saying.
Children tend to cover their eyes when they hear something they suspect is a lie,
and they do not want to hear it.
 Neck Scratch and Other Body Parts
Adults who lie tend to use their index finger for scratching their neck just
below their ear lobe. This is done a few times, showing that the person is lying.
A person who is lying tends to also put a finger in the mouth when they feel
they are under a lot of pressure. Lying creates a very uncomfortable state for
people and they, therefore, are unable to control their feelings around the people
they are lying to.
 Change in Breathing and the Collar Pull
This gesture art was first discovered by Desmond Morris when he noticed
that there is always a tingling sensation in the facial and neck tissues, which
causes one to rub or scratch that place a couple of times. The increased blood
pressure brings about the sweating of the palms and at times even under the
armpits. This makes you short of breath when you start suspecting that the
person you are deceiving might not be believing you. This is called a reflex
action.
 The Position Change of the Head
People do tend to make quick and sudden head movements after they
have been given a direct question or query, they are likely too be lying about
something. They will either retract the head, or it will face downwards or even
titled to one side before they answer the question you had asked them.
 Feet Shuffling, Holding a Stare and Standing Still
People who are not moving at all when you engage in a conversation with
them should be a call for concern. It is normal that when you two people
converse, there is movement of the body in a relaxed way, but if the other
person is very rigid and seems relaxed in a very extraordinary way could show
that probably there is something very off about that person. The shuffling of the
feet is brought about by being nervous and uncomfortable. It could also show
that the person eagerly wants to leave the conversation as soon as possible.
Looking at a person's feet and their movements tell you a lot about what that
person is saying. It is renowned that most people are unable to maintain eye
contact when lying; however, some other people don't move an eye or blink
when they are lying to you in a quest to completely pull you off with their lie
and manipulation. Liars tend to use a cold stare when trying to intimidate and
control you.

The above-explained gestures are seen in a lot of people that try to

manipulate people or lie to them to get what they want. However, it is good if
you all have these skills that will help you in identifying people that play around
with your mind or may want to use yours to your advantage. Most people who
lie will lack words to say since all their tactics have been revealed and learned
by everyone.
 Facial Expressions
The facial expressions that a person makes tell you a lot, whether they are
lying or not. Lies to you become obvious when you can learn these different
cues in a conversation. All that goes around someone's face shows either
dishonesty or honesty in a conversation. The following are the facial
expressions that may tell you that a person is lying.
 The Eyes
The eyes are what most people use to note whether the other person is
telling the truth or they are just lying. The eyes create a link to both imagination
and memory. Imagination is often seen as a good thing when one is creating a
lie. This is because one is able to imagine situations in their head and also try to
figure out the reaction of that person after they hear the lie.it is said that when a
person looks up to and to the left after being asked a question, they are usually
trying to recall some information where the memory comes in. this act is often
told to be the truth. When someone looks up and to the right, they are utilizing
their imagination or in other words, fabricating information to give to you. This
is taken as a lie. After asking a question pay close attention to the person's eyes
and which direction they move. The eyebrows also tend to raise when they are
telling the truth and tend to blink or close their eyes a lot to steal time for them
to rethink their lie and make sure that their story is kept intact without having to
betray themselves through the eyes. Most people that lie also tend to avoid eye
contact with the person they are talking to. When forced to make eye contact,
they often feel uncomfortable and may even fall short of words making the
other person now that they were trying to lie to them.
 Blushing
When a person is telling a lie, they tend to often blush. They become
nervous thereby creating an increase in the body temperature, especially around
the face area. Blood tends to flow in the cheeks thereby causing the liar to blush
or shy away. Although blushing can be stimulated by a couple of many other
things, it is almost certain for a liar to blush. This might be a good way also to
know when somebody is blushing.
 Smiling
A person that lies while smiling does not have a lot of facial expressions
like the flickering of the eyes to show that their smile is real. However, liars
smile with "dead eyes" that do not brighten up their faces. A real smile has a
great effect on the eyes and tends to cause the eyes to either become big or
small. This is because more muscles are used in becoming happy rather than
forced demands. A liar always has a fake smile whereby the truth of their lie is
revealed by their eyes yet again. Being able to distinguish between a real and
fake smile will help you in distinguishing between a person who is telling the
truth and one who is lying.
 Microexpressions
Facial expressions that easily come and go quickly serve as best
indicators that a person might be lying. These expressions are known as micro-
expressions. These expressions prove to be great lie detectors and reveal the raw
truth. These expressions also reveal if there is something wrong since it is hard
to hide these expressions. However, it is good to note that not all
microexpressions reveal that a person is lying this is why it is highly advised
that you be trained on how best to note and differentiate these feelings. Before
concluding that the person you are questioning is lying it is advisable that you
first check on the circumstance and situation at hand.
 Speech
The way a person speaks while in front of you can tell a lot in terms of
truth and lies. Liars tend to repeat themselves a lot while speaking because they
are not sure of what they are saying and are struggling to convince themselves
of their lies. A person who is lying to you tends to speak in a very fast way
which enables them to bring out the lies in a very fast and consistent way. They
are often left wondering whether the lie they told would be believable causing
them to have an increase in heartbeats. Liars tend to add more or extra details to
their stories to be able to convince their listeners that what they are saying is
true. They take brief moments to rehearse or go over the answers they had
rehearsed before to ensure that they do not make any mistake that will make
their listeners doubt them. They at times become defensive about their answers
and also tend to play the victim if they think their lie is not going as they had
planned. However, the liar does not stand a chance if the person telling lies has
an expertise in understanding and knowing when a person is lying to them or
when trying to create a lie.
 The Direction of the Eyes
People who may not be telling the truth may tend to look to the left to
construct or create imagery in their heads. Looking up and to the right is
considered to be an effort to try and remember something that happened which
is true as compared to looking up and to the left which is considered as trying to
create a lie through imagination. However, this might be a little bit confusing
for those people that are left-handed. Left-handed people tend to do the opposite
of this theory, they look up and to the right when trying to create a lie and look
up and to the left when trying to remember some events that took part in the
past. The left side of a left-handed person is considered true while the right side
is considered to be a lie.
 Voice Change
Gregg McCrary, a retired federal bureau of investigations criminal
profiler, stated that a person’s voice might change abruptly when they tell a lie.
This strategy works by first noting their speech patterns by asking simple
questions for example, where they live. By this one can monitor the various
changes in the speaking tones when they are faced with a more challenging
question. A person who learns this art can easily tell when a person is telling or
trying to create a lie.

The facial expressions explain above clearly show that people must learn
these arts to be able to deal with people in the society who love manipulating
others. These people tend to confuse people by lying to them and making these
lies true so that they can get away with their lies. A person who is not able to
identify such kinds of people is at a higher risk of getting blackmailed by these
people and making you do want they want to do, for example, commit a crime
for them.
 Chapter 8: Mastering Your Emotions to
Identify Manipulation

I’m fine. That’s the most common lie told. Deception and manipulation
have become so commonplace today that everyone has been either a victim or a
culprit at some point. You’ve either been lied to, or you’ve told lies. You’ve
been deceived, or you’ve done the deceiving. You’ve been manipulated, or
you’re the manipulator. Still, not all lies are intended to deceive you. For
example, when someone tells you ‘Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry about it’ and
they’re not fine, it could be just their way of preventing you from asking more
questions because they don’t necessarily feel like talking about it just yet.

The signs of deception are there, once you know what you’re looking for.
One indicator (aside from body language) that deception could be taking place
is when people start sidetracking the questions posed with long-winded,
unnecessary explanations. Manipulators, liars, and deceivers are all around you,
everywhere that you go. Sometimes, they could exist within your social circle,
even within a family.

As different as they may be as individuals, there are certain things that

manipulators have in common with each other, and that is the fact that they’re
sneaky, deceptive, underhanded and will resort to using any tactic if it means
they get what they want at the end of the day. They care little about your
feelings or anyone else’s for that matter, even the people they love, and they
have no qualms about using your emotions against you. When you’ve got very
little control over your emotions, you become an easy target. The only thing
that matters is them is their agenda and getting what they want.
 Lying is the oldest form of manipulation in existence. Anyone who’s
trying to manipulate or take advantage of another will resort to this tactic for
their benefit, even thriving and taking pleasure in the knowledge that they’ve
managed to pull the wool over your eyes. A skilled liar and manipulator know
how to work this angle ever so subtly that unless you are adept at reading body
language, you won’t know what’s happening until it's too late and you’ve either
been lied to or deceived. People lie to take advantage of others. They
manipulate to conceal their real motives. They lie to put themselves one step
ahead of the competition.

Deception and manipulation are all around you. Even at work. An

employee who was concerned about their job might approach the boss and ask
about the possibility of being laid off or fired. The boss may try to hide what's
going for fear of jeopardizing the work that still needs to be done by deceiving
the employee into believing that nothing is going on. Assuring the employee
that everything is alright, and there’s nothing to worry about. All the while
knowing it’s a lie. A colleague who has been eyeing that same promotion you
are might withhold potential information so that they could put themselves
ahead of you. Parents who want their kids to do what they want could resort to
manipulative tactics to get them to follow the rules.

Manipulators could be highly emotional individuals, prone to dramatic or

even hysterical outbursts when they want things done their way. If you’re not
the master of your own emotions, you could easily get swept up in the moment
and become just as overly emotional. So emotional in fact that it starts to cloud
your judgment and stops you from thinking clearly. The worst part is that they
play on your emotions by pretending to be your friend, gaining your trust to
gather information which they could use against you in the future.

Why Do I Need to Learn to Master My Emotions?

 Because without control over your emotions, you have very little control
over a lot of other aspects of your life. You react inappropriately when your
emotions are not regulated, which leads you to do or say the wrong thing. You
get worked up over the smallest issues, making it difficult for others to be
around you. You become volatile and prone to mood swings, which reflects
poorly on your behavior and who you are as a person. Once you’ve been labeled
as someone who is “overly emotional”, people start avoiding you and make
excuses to not be in your company.

Most importantly, not being in control over your emotions makes you an
easy target. A manipulator on the prowl will easily know which buttons to push
that gets you riled up enough, and play on your emotions to coerce you into
doing things you ordinarily would not have done. If you don’t learn to master
your emotions, then your emotions (and the manipulators around you) will
become your master instead.

Indicators That Signal You’re Being Manipulated

We’re always trying to influence each other in some way. Encouraging

friends to try a new product because you like it. Sharing ideas and trying to get
others to see things from your point of view and why your approach should be
the one to follow. Sharing views and video content across social media to sway
others into agreeing with you. Leaders, managers, supervisors, and bosses who
influence people under their leadership, encouraging them to work towards a
common goal. Advertisers and marketers who try to influence customers into
buying products and services through the various ads and marketing campaigns
that they roll out. If influence takes place all the time, when does it cross the
line from influence into manipulation? What sets manipulation apart from
persuasion or influence? Isn’t manipulation, persuasion or influence essentially
the same thing? Where you’re trying to get one, or several other people to go
along or agree with you?
 Manipulation, persuasion, and influence are the same, but called different
names. There is one, defining quality that separates manipulation from the other
two, and that is the intention. Manipulation is cunning and ruthless, and it
always results in one person being exploited or taken advantage of. Persuasion
and influence are neither cunning nor ruthless. Manipulation is carried out for
selfish reasons that only benefit the one who is doing the manipulating.

Manipulators force others into doing their bidding through pressure and
threats. The intention that lies behind your actions is what separates persuasion
and influence from manipulation. Good intentions with a genuine desire to
create a situation that benefits the other party is what persuasion and influence
encompass. If you intend to do good, that’s persuasion. If you’re honest from
the very beginning about what you’re trying to do, that’s persuasion. If you can
say wholeheartedly that you have the other person’s best interest at heart, that’s
persuasion.

Manipulators care for no one except themselves. There is only one agenda
on their mind, and it only focuses on them, their needs, their desires and what’s
in it for them. If they get what they want, they don’t care who gets hurt along
the way. If they must step on your toes to reach the finish line, they’ll do it. If
they must stab you in the back to get to the top, they’ll do it. They don’t care
about the consequences of their actions, they only care about getting their way.

Manipulation is all around you, and you could be an unknowing victim

even as you’re reading this. Your first clue that you might be a victim of
manipulation is when you sense that something isn’t quite right with a certain
relationship that you have. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but being
around that person never makes you feel good. Even among friends and family,
instead of feeling happy after spending time with them, you find yourself even
more stressed, frustrated or confused than when you first started.
 Or perhaps it could be that co-worker at work who always seems to
sucker you into doing their bidding, even when you tried to resist in the
beginning. For some reason, you feel guilty about not helping them, even
though you had every right to say no because you’ve got your workload to deal
with. These could be signs you were in the presence of a manipulator.

Manipulation takes place in several ways, and it could be anywhere from

dealing with a bossy, demanding person to being in a relationship with an
abusive partner. Some manipulative tendencies are easier to spot, while others
are carefully disguised to make it seem like this kind of behavior is “normal”. If
you sense something amiss, go with your gut instinct and look out for the
warning signs below that signal you might be a victim of manipulation:

Always Your Fault - A classic sign of manipulation is when no matter

what you say or do, somehow, it's always your fault. Even when it’s not. Even
when you haven’t done anything, you’re the one to blame? How does that
work? Well, the manipulator is an expert at twisting and turning the facts to suit
the situation. You happen to be an easy target. That one manipulative friend
who always has an excuse for their bad behavior or poor judgment, the one that
always makes you the scapegoat, that’s not a friend. That’s a manipulator. I
wouldn’t have done it if you agreed it was a bad idea. Thanks a lot, now look
what you’ve done! Why didn’t you stop me? The classic sign of a manipulative
“friend” is when somehow, you’re always in the mix and the one made to feel
like you’re in the wrong.

Forced Agreeability - Do you often feel forced into doing things you
don’t want to do because the person making the request makes you feel bad
about yourself if you say no? Being constantly made to feel guilty, pressured or
forced into agreeing, especially if it’s by the same person, is not normal
behavior. That’s manipulative behavior, and they’re playing on your guilt
emotion to their advantage. What’s worse, if you feel afraid to say no, that’s a
red flag that something about this relationship is not right. Not at all. You
should never be made to feel like you’re bullied or pressured into agreeing, but
if you don’t learn to master your emotions, manipulators will easily take
advantage of this by making you feel as guilty as possible.

Insecurity - You were so sure of yourself and your decision 5 minutes ago.
Then you were around that one family member, friend or colleague and
suddenly, you’re not so sure anymore. 5 minutes ago, you were confident and
sure, but now that same decision fills you with doubt, causing you to question
your judgment. All after that one encounter. Does this sound familiar? If it does,
you might have to face the fact that is family, friend or colleague is a
manipulator. Spend enough time with them and they’ll make you feel unworthy
like you’re a complete failure and nothing you can do will ever be the right.
Talk to them about any thought, idea or opinion and they’ll find a way to twist
and turn it, making it seem like a terrible idea.
Chapter 9: Signs Of Confidence And Lack Of
Confidence
 Signs of Confidence
One of the things that separate the weak from the strong is confidence.
Confidence is an important characteristic that is vital for one’s survival in this
world. To forge ahead in life, stay ahead of the competition and make your
voice heard. Confidence is an important skill that you cannot do without. This
explains why if a candidate goes for a job interview, no matter how smart,
knowledgeable, experienced and skilled they are, failure to show forth
confidence during the interview will bring down the chances of getting a job. A
confident candidate, even though not as brilliant and experienced, will easily
outshine the other candidate.

In the same manner, your chances of getting your dream girl increase if
you carry yourself with confidence rather than a gloomy and timid aura with
low self-esteem.

Self-confidence is pretty vital in every area of your life. There are signs to
show that you have self-confidence. Hence, you can imbibe some of these tips
to raise your confidence.

You Do Not Hesitate

In other words, confident people are assertive. They know what they want
and how to get it. They are not dissuaded by ideas and opinions of others as
long as they know they are on the right path. They are different from people
who cannot make a decision, and they keep changing their mind without a
clear-cut direction on what they are doing.

You Are Comfortable in Yourself

This is pretty obvious. People who are confident do not seek to be like
another person in a bid to appear cool or acceptable to others. They know their
strengths and weaknesses and have come to terms with who they are.
 They are confident in their ability to go after what they want and achieve
it. They do not need to be approved by anyone or fake their personality for
approval.

You Are Not Easily Influenced

How easy it is for people to influence and manipulate you is a big pointer
to your level of confidence. Resisting influence is different from being proud.
Rather, it is about being aware of who you are, what you want, and whose
advice you take. It is taking responsibility for your life and being able to make
the needed decision.

You Don’t Need Approval from Others

Many people, in a bid to know whether they are right, seek the validation
of others. This validation is important for them to feel good and know that their
choices are right. Genuine confidence, on the other hand, does not need any
validation since there is an inner witness that validates you.

As a result of this, you have peace with all your life choices and
decisions, and you do not need anyone to make you feel good about them.

You Listen More than You Speak

Behind the mask of bragging is insecurity. A truly confident person does
not see the need to brag. They are already at peace with themselves, their
feelings, and their thoughts. They are after your thoughts.

As a result, they give people the freedom to express themselves. Since

they are already at peace with their skills and knowledge, they seek to know
more. Hence, they give others the opportunity to speak by listening more.

They Allow Others to Shine

No matter their input in any task, no matter if they did the bulk of the
work, no matter if they were responsible for the success of others, they allow
others to shine. Recognition does not really matter to confident people.
 They are content enough in the success of their team and their effort.
Hence, external validation, acknowledgment, or glory does not matter to them.
Their satisfaction comes from within. As a result, they are neither afraid nor
selfish to allow others to take the spotlight.

They Do Not Put Others Down

Behind the gossip, comparisons, and bringing others down is desperation
to be like others and even to appear better than them. Truly confident people, on
the other hand, always seek to be better than themselves. They strive to
accomplish the ideal person they hope to be, not anyone else.

They Own Up to Their Mistakes

With confidence comes sincerity and honesty. This is why it is easy for
confident people to let people know about their screw-up. They don’t mind
being a caution for others to learn. A confident person sees nothing wrong in
“looking bad” once in a while.
 Signs of Lack of Confidence
Lack of confidence is something you cannot hide, and this will be
reflected in many ways discussed below:

Inability to Accept Compliment

Someone with a healthy confidence level accepts compliments with a
“thank you.” They do not go about making excuses and giving a reason for why
they do not merit it. They accept any positive review of themselves.

Such attention might make them uncomfortable, yet a major sign of

confidence is being comfortable in accepting the praise from others. They might
even see themselves as lucky rather than taking the glory for anything.

Lack of Eye Contact

It is usually quite difficult for people with a low confidence level to meet
the gaze of others. The eyes, they say, is the window to the soul. People with a
low level of confidence are worried that an eye-to-eye contact will make you
see right through them, which will make you see their flaws. As a result, they
are downright uncomfortable meeting the gaze of others.
 Unnecessary Apologies
Apologizing when you have done nothing wrong is a classic sign of low
confidence level. They will apologize for something they didn’t do. When they
hand over their project output to you, they will apologize for its quality even
before you have had a chance to check it.

Their lack of confidence in themselves makes them accept a scolding;

hence, in a bid to avoid it, they give preemptive self-criticism.

Being Indecisive
People with a low level of confidence will not be able to make simple
decisions. Since they are plagued with self-doubt, simple decisions like what to
say will be difficult. They have a fear of criticism since they know that making
a wrong decision will warrant scolding.

In a bid to avoid this criticism or scolding, they pass on the opportunity to

make any decision, or they turn the responsibility to others. They do not see
themselves capable of making the right decision as the fear hinders them from
weighing the pros and cons of their decision objectively. Hence, they believe it
is better for others to make the decision and take the fall should something go
wrong.

The Need to Explain

Someone without enough self-confidence will be compelled to explain
their actions, whether right or not. No one is above mistakes, but people with
low levels of confidence will feel the urge to give reasons for their actions.
Even if they are successful, there is the urge to explain their choices and
decisions.

Blaming Others
 Inability to accept and own up for your mistakes is a classic sign of lack
of confidence. In a bid to avoid taking the fall, they put the responsibility off
themselves and pass it to the person they are complaining about. This is a
classic sign of lack of confidence in that they do not see themselves strong
enough to handle any heat that comes as a result of their mistake.

Making Excuses
Someone without enough confidence will be quick to make an excuse for
any shortcomings and criticism. A confident person, on the other hand, will
likely listen to the criticism and decide whether it is helpful or not rather than
passing it off immediately with an excuse.

People who are quick to make excuses for their actions do so because of
the fear of being seen as a worthless person. Hence, they see the excuse as an
escape route to manage and keep their ego intact.

Need for Acceptance

People with a low level of self-confidence do need the attention of others
to feel good about themselves and their choices. They need the acceptance of
others to feel worthy. Hence, the lack of this acceptance could be frustrating as
it affects their confidence level.

A confident person, on the other hand, has realized that not everyone will
approve of their choices. They know that all they need as validation is from
within. This makes them good with their decision, whether others see sense in it
or not.

Their Body Language Reveals It

Consider a person with a cheerful countenance walking with their head
straight and their hands free. Consider another person bent, with hands in the
pockets. It is evident which of these two is confident. There are postures you
take that reveal a lack of confidence. Hence, confidence is revealed by the way
you carry yourself.
 Chapter 10: Know Yourself Well To Understand
Others

How well do you understand your body language? How well do you
know of your reaction to factors, both internal and external?

Learning how to read another person's body language down to the finer
details would be useless if you would not know how you come across yourself.
Your attempt to persuade another person to your side would be inconsequential
if you did not know how you are presenting yourself. You need to be aware of;
the pitch of your voice, what are your arms saying, your eyes, and your facial
expressions. Whatever you put out, is what determines how others pick up your
message.

How to Know Yourself Better

Identify Your Personality

To be able to work on your general body posture, you first need to

identify your personality. If you want to be more charismatic and are
introverted, jumping right into trying to appear more outgoing might come off
as you faking it. If you are extroverted and want to be charismatic, you need to
know if you exude confidence or talk a lot.

Identifying your personality is critical as it gives you a gauge of what you

desire and what you do not. If you are not very outgoing, then becoming
outgoing just for the sake of it will work against you.
 Body Posture

Stand upright and try to be more relaxed if you are going to want to come
off as confident and approachable. Unnatural slouched shoulders make you look
less confident and unapproachable. When you speak to someone lean in a little
to show that, you are interested in what they are saying. If you can help it, do
not cross your arms. Let the other person get comfortable with you, and trust
you.

Be Flexible When Communicating

When you put a point across, and the other person does not seem to be
receptive to the idea, learn how to change your body language. You could
change the style of delivery to convince them to see your point of view too.

Practice Facial Expression

Facial expression will often have a way of backing or taking away the
punch from what we are saying. Practice this on the mirror in different
scenarios. Look at how you express yourself when you are trying to convince,
or when you are flirting, or when you are trying to be more confident. Refine
them accordingly so that you have a better chance of convincing the other
person of your point of view. Learning how to read others is an art, so is
learning how to understand yourself. To read others better, you need to read
yourself almost flawlessly.
 Intention

Your intention guides how you align your body language to what you are
saying. This book teaches you to persuade. Therefore, you need to learn how
your body language will help you convince another person.

When speaking to someone else, for example, you can nod your head
subtlety as you make your point. Take tab of their language and see how you
can then use it to create a bond between the two of you so that they can grow to
trust you.
 Gestures

Using gestures when you make a point makes you come off as more
charismatic and thus, will make you more trustworthy. Make use of your arms
when you make a point. Use it especially, to bring out your energy and
emotions to the issue you are raising. Gestures make people grow more
comfortable around you.

Once you understand the above, you will find that getting to manipulate
and influence people becomes more manageable, since you use your knowledge
of yourself to read them and act accordingly. You will read people well this way
and analyze them with startling accuracy once you know yourself well.
 Chapter 11: Techniques, Tips, and Tricks to
Speed Read Anyone

Now that we have had a chance to look at speed reading and what it is all
about, it is time to pay attention to some of the ways that we are able to use
speed reading to help us pick out the right target, work with the target in the
proper manner, and ensure that we are going to be able to pick the right
technique to use against them.

Speed reading isn’t necessarily as hard to do as it may seem. We often

will speed read those around us without even noticing. If you have every
ignored or stayed away from someone because you felt the anger and frustration
from them, and you didn’t want to get into it with them, then this is an example
of how you used speed reading to see how that person was doing, and then
protect yourself by avoiding them.

As a manipulator though, you need to take this up a notch. Your goal is to

catch on to some of the things that may be hidden, the things that the target and
others around you don’t necessarily want to share, but they end up doing so
through their emotions, their actions, and your own intuition. This is how you
really start to know your target and can make it easier to manipulate them.
Some of the tips and techniques that you can focus on when it comes to speed
reading your target, as well as speed reading some of the other people around
you in all situations include:
 Observe their Body language
The best way to work on speed reading another person is to pay attention
to their body language. We touched on a few of the different things that you can
watch out for when it comes to body language, but it is surprising how much
information we are able to gather from someone else simply because we are
able to observe the body language that they share.

Many people are not aware of the information that they end up sharing
with others through their body language. They may assume that they are
keeping things secret and hiding the inner workings of their mind from others.
But a skilled manipulator will be able to see right through this and can catch the
changes in voice tone, hand gestures, and even slight movements of the eyes to
see what the target may be hiding, and what they actually mean when they say
certain things.

Using the body language tools that we talked about earlier in this
guidebook can help you to really get this done. You will find that you will be
able to read all of the little nuances that are presented with the body language
and catch onto things that the target never really thought would get out, much
fewer things they didn’t really want to reveal to you. This makes the job of
manipulating your target the way that you want.
 Listen to What your Intuition is Telling You
Your intuition is going to be super important when it comes to working
against a target. Sometimes you will find someone who may seem like the
perfect target, but there is something about them that sends your intuition
through the roof and you don’t feel comfortable with it. It is much better to wait
for the right target, and listen to your intuition than to jump in and end up with
too much work and trouble in the process.

Your intuition is like your subconscious telling you that something is now
quite right in a process or in a person. We may not be able to pinpoint exactly
what seems off to us but something isn’t right and we don’t feel comfortable
with it. While other people may choose to ignore these signals and concentrate
on getting things done, going forward even when their intuition is telling them
to slow down.

Often our intuition is going to sense things, and know things before our
conscious mind is able to catch up. And if we learn how to follow it and listen
to the warning that it is giving to us, we are going to see that some action is not
the best for us to take. It may seem a bit silly and like we are missing out on a
lot of opportunities out there, but in reality, it could save us a lot of work and
effort in the process.

Now, your intuition can also come into play to help you avoid getting
manipulated. Just because you are using dark manipulation and dark
psychology does not mean that someone else is not trying to do the same thing
to you or that you are immune to some of the effects. Assuming this is going to
land you in a lot of issues and can make it difficult to get the results that you
want with your own manipulation. How are you supposed to manipulate
someone else and get them to do what you want if someone is already working
on and manipulating you at the same time?
 Listening to your intuition will not only help you to speed read another
person and pick out the right target to use for your needs but will ensure that no
one else is going to take advantage of you. You will be able to sense when
someone else is trying to use these tactics on you, especially when you are
using them at the same time. So, listen to that intuition so that you can keep
yourself safe in the process as well.

The final thing that we are going to take a look at here is the idea of the
emotional energy from the target. This emotional energy is going to tell you a
lot about that person and can help you to understand what they are feeling and
how they are going to act. When someone is happier and upbeat, this usually
means they have had a good day or some good news, and they are more likely
to want to help you out and do a favor. But when they are down and not feeling
the best it is likely that they will be more closed off and harder to work with to
get to do what you want.

Reading the emotions of the other person is going to make a big

difference. Just because someone is going through some motions and knows
how to control their body language doesn’t mean that the emotions aren’t going
to tell you something about them. And you can definitely use this to your
advantage.

Let’s say that you notice someone is in a pretty good mood. They are
beaming and can’t keep the smile off their face. They are standing tall with
good posture, and maybe even bouncing a bit because they are so excited or in
such a good mood overall. They may even talk a bit faster because they just
can’t keep it all in. These people have just found out some good news or are just
having an amazing day.

Because they feel this way, they are more likely to feel generous and want
to help others out. maybe they want to spread out the love and happiness so they
will help out with the favors that you want. At the very least, they are not going
to be concerned about a little inconvenience when you ask for a favor because
they are already in a good mood. This is the perfect time for you to attack. You
will be able to come in and ask for any kind of favor that you would like and it
is likely the target will be willing and happy to do it.

Now, someone in a different mood may not react in the same manner.
They may not want to open up, if they are in a bad mood, they will think the
world is out to get them and will be more frustrated when you do ask for a
favor. Or they will get sad and want to close up to you. If you ask this kind of
person for a favor or try to manipulate them, it is going to end up badly for you.
The target is going to get upset, will refuse you, and it could end the
relationship and the bond that you are trying to create.

This doesn’t mean that you have to give up hope. But it helps you to stop
and think about whether this is the right time to ask or favor or try to manipulate
your target. But that doesn’t mean that they won’t be ready to manipulate later
on. It simply means that you need to do some work first. Maybe instead of
walking away or even trying to ask for a favor when your target is in a bad
mood, you can stop and see if you can get them in a better mood.

This may not open the door for your work right now, but it will later. The
target is going to be thankful that you took the time to help them feel better
about the situation, and they are going to remember that you made them laugh,
made their day better, and helped them to get out of a sour mood. And later,
when they are in a better mood and you need some help, they will be more
willing to help you out without any issues along the way.

Speed reading people is a unique thing that you can add into your dark
psychology plan and it a really take some of your dark manipulations to the next
level. This method is going to ensure that you really know the person you want
to target and will make it easier for you to find the right target, figure out how to
manipulate them, and even learn when is the right time to start some of the
manipulations.
 Chapter 12: Individual Differences In People’s
Perceptions

We have already studied about the appearance, behaviors, and

characteristics of the people we meet and usage of the above traits in
understanding them. It is now vital to have an emphasis on social psychology
on the situation of the people we decide to judge. A person is also vital,
consequently, let us take into consideration a few of the person variables that
affect our potency to judge the people.
 Perceiver Characteristics
We believe that the outcome of an analysis of an individual conducted by
different individuals will be the same as the concerned individual’s behavior,
nature and traits would be the same. For example, if you while discussing with
your mom describe your sibling- say, Kitty, You both should have a similar
opinion or almost similar description of her. But it may not turn out to be true in
all cases, as the mom daughter relation is different from the relationship shared
by the sibling. Kitty could be more demanding and stubborn to her mom than
his elder brother/ sister.

In general, the equation of relationship, circumstances, frame of mind of

an individual and the place of the meet are the few elements that will form the
basis of analysis. The result will be different based on a distinct sample of
behavior and would be surely different.

On the other hand, different impressions could be formed by individuals

while talking to an individual. A human being usually uses his approach,
schemas, experience, and expectations while forming an opinion about anyone.
Interpretation of every individual will be different due to their own and distinct
perception and this is what we like to substantiate on that our experience
sketches the canvas of our perception.

One of the key elements that lay an impact over our opinion about a given
individual is the way we observe the present cognitive accessibility of traits of a
given individual. In other words, it can be said that the quickest image or idea
that hits the perceiver about an individual too aids in forming different opinions
about an individual. Due to variation inaccessibility, diverse people will get to
see different aspects of one’s personality. As some people emphasize on looks
and dressing style of an individual, some would be captivated by physical
stature, few by intelligence, etc. If your basic nature is inclined on your look,
you too would first observe the dressing sense, branded stuff worn by him, etc.
 This justifies our saying that the difference in accessibility leaves a mark
over the type of impression that we form about others as we generate an idea on
the things we focus on. However, if you ask a person to comment on some set
of people, his observations would be more or less similar than on being asked
by a different individual due to the difference inaccessibility of all people. If
you are the one that stays attuned with the fashion, then the first criteria of
observation would be on fashion sense or style only. Your opinion for others
reflects a bit about your own persona too.

Need for cognition is the propensity to think comprehensively and

vigilantly about our experiences. People can also be categorized in terms of
their instinct to process information about others. Folks with a strong need for
cognition engage in an intense and considerate manner and consequently may
come out with more casual attribution and Vice Versa. People with a higher
need for cognition emphasize more on circumstantial factors while taking into
account the behavior of people. Such folks turn out to be more tolerant and
lesser impulsive than those with lesser and no need for cognition.

Even though the need for cognition refers to an inclination to consider

carefully and comprehensively about any topic, but there are also individual
differences in the tendency of the people. Individual difference along with being
present in our acknowledgment also hides in the kind of character that we
construct about others and ourselves.

Few people can be sectioned into entity theorists who believed that traits
are constant and not prone to change. Conversely, incremental theorists believe
that traits and personalities vary with times. As per a study, people classified as
incremental theorists more finely use the circumstantial aspects of the scenario
than even actors. However, an entity theorist is also unable to encode the
reasons for behavior.
 Individual differences in attribution styles also cast its impact on our own
conduct. Entity theorists are presumed to face a tough time taking a new task as
their own perception facilitates the thinking of inability to handle new
challenges. An incremental theorist delivers better in new challenges as they
consider themselves more flexible. You can notice how people’s attribute can
aid us to comprehend our perception about ourselves and others along with our
attitude towards social context.
 Conclusion

Whether you want to figure out the personality of a potentially big client
during a negotiation or the characteristics of the hot new prospective date you
have your eyes on, this book is a handy resource for helping you read others
effectively. If there's a single largest skill that spells success in today’s world, it
is the ability to read people.

This allows you to mold your message according to the personality of the
other person to accomplish optimally beneficial communication.

The next step is to use the book and apply it in your daily life in small,
gradual ways to begin with. Start by observing people at the airport or doctor’s
clinic when you have some time at hand. The interest will quickly catch on, and
you’ll find yourself taking a deep interest in reading and analyzing people.

Our smiles are one of the most powerful tools we’ve been given. You can
turn any situation from bad to good just by turning up the corners of your
mouth. Some people feel as though if they don’t have straight teeth or smiles
that are bright white, they aren’t worth anything. Even those that don’t have all
their teeth can have much more beautiful smiles than someone that’s spent
thousands on dental work.

A smile isn’t just about what teeth you’re showing. It’s a way to engage
another person. Studies have proven that most people will smile if someone else
smiles at them first. If they do smile, they’ll end up having a better mood
overall. It can seem weird, but simply smiling can lift someone’s spirits. Next
time you are feeling particularly down, smile. It sounds so silly, but it might
work. Smile over and over again, and even though it might not turn your mood
around, it will certainly help to at least temporarily lift your spirits.
 Now you know how to read people like a book. Your life will become so
much easier now that you have finished this book and learned the critical life
skill of reading other people.

You can become a better person by knowing how to read people. Reading
people allows you to develop empathy. You can tell what others are feeling and
respond accordingly. Your sensitivity will make you a more responsive and
caring lover, parent, friend, and family member.

You can also protect yourself better from the harm of people with bad
intentions. When you are able to read people, you are consequently able to spot
people that will not benefit you. Before you get too far into a relationship of any
nature with someone harmful, you can see what the person is about and prevent
further harm from happening.

When it comes to choosing a good friend or lover, you are now better able
to pick people that are good for your life. You can spot those that actually care
for you and have the capability of treating you well. You can pick lovers and
friends that have good track records.
CHAPTER BONUS
 What We Mean By Persuasion

When we discuss manipulation and persuasion, it usually comes down to

a difference of intent. For instance, is the person who is persuading you to do
something that will benefit both you and them? If so, that’s the classic win-win
scenario, and we could say that persuasion was used to help you come to the
right decision.

But what if the same person gets you to do something that benefits him,
but leaves you worse off? That would be characterized as manipulation, and that
type of persuasion happens all of the time, too. You may have done it yourself
without really realizing it, and not felt too good about it afterward.

Persuasion can be used for all kinds of purposes, both good and evil.
People can manipulate you into giving them your money, your time, your faith,
your talent, and provide you with nothing in return. Or they can persuade you
into giving of all of these things and leave you better off in the end. And
sometimes, the lines aren’t so clearly drawn.

What I will attempt to show you in this book is just how persuasion
happens in various parts of your everyday life, how persuasion can be used to
help you get what you want, and how to recognize persuasion techniques that
are used on you. Ultimately, everyone makes their own decisions. By being
aware of persuasion techniques, you can more successfully analyze your
motivations and make sure that what you are doing benefits both you and
others.

Today’s Pervasive Persuasion

Persuasion is also an important topic today because we are contacted by
more and more sophisticated methods of persuasion than ever before.
Persuasion comes at us in all forms, at a velocity never even possible
previously. I’m sure you can guess the cause of this increased persuasion. That’s
right! It’s called The Internet.
 Never before have people had direct access to the tools of mass
communication. You can pick up your smartphone and start broadcasting live
right now, with just a few clicks. You can start typing and send your views to
millions of people around the world. Or you can post a picture of that adorable
thing your cat just did to your partner to brighten their day at work. And all of
the people you are reaching can get that information instantly because they
probably have a smartphone or computer or screen nearby that they are looking
at, and you have access to that network. This type of reach and access was
unheard of only a decade or two ago. Today, this connection is commonplace
and growing.

But do you ever take time to decide how the words and pictures that you
consume play a part in what you think, or what the motives were behind
sending them to you in the first place? Much like a loaded gun in the hands of
someone who doesn’t know how to shoot, persuasion techniques can sometimes
have unintended consequences that can be devastating. If you don’t realize what
the warning signs are, or how you can protect yourself from those
consequences, and make sure you aren’t unintentionally harming yourself.

The Principles of Persuasion

Since that book, many researchers have created experiments to test these
theories with surprisingly consistent results. The bottom line is that we humans
seem to be hard-wired to behave in certain ways given certain circumstances.
Using various methods to trigger those responses that we want, we can cause
the outcomes that we want.
 The 6 Principles of Persuasion

Reciprocation
Give something to get something, right? Remember the story of the
chicken who planted grain so that her chicks could eat? She asked for help to
sow the grain, to keep the field clean from weeds, to harvest the grain and
finally, to make the bread. She asked her neighbors and friends to help, but in
the end, no one was interested until the bread was hot and ready to eat. Since
her neighbors had not given her anything in the form of help, she was not
inclined to give them any of the final product.

That give and take is the first principal of getting along in life, and it’s
known as one of the foundational principals of persuasion as well. Reciprocity
merely means that if you give someone something, they are more likely to give
you something in return.

Commitment and Consistency

We, humans, have a “reality” surrounding us at all times. I put this
“reality” in quotes because it is a reality of our creation.

Our brains have an innate ability to tell stories, and we tell ourselves
stories all of the time. We tell ourselves stories of the type of person we believe
we are, and how we behave feeds into that story. When presented with a choice,
you make that choice based on the story of who you are. One of the options
looks “right” to us because making that choice is consistent with what we
believe a person like us would do.

Social Proof
This core persuasion principle is also sometimes referred to as Consensus.
Social proof feeds directly from the previous storytelling of Commitment and
Consistency. We have told ourselves a story of what we believe we are, what we
stand for, and the kind of person we are. To reinforce that story, we look at how
other people behave for Social Proof of how people like us should react in a
particular situation.

Now more than ever, the Internet has created countless places where we
can go for this type of reinforcement. Some of that reinforcement is legitimate,
some not so much. All of it is used as a powerful tool for persuasion, as we’ll
find out going forward.

Authority
Now once we have decided on the type of person we are and we’ve
assembled with the kinds of people we believe reinforce that identity; the next
step is to seek out knowledgeable people to reinforce what we’ve told ourselves
to be true. That’s where the idea of Authority takes hold.

As sane people, we are likely to take the advice of people who appear to
have more knowledge about a subject than we do. That is certainly necessary.
No one can know everything, not even with smartphones and Google just a tap
away. We seek out the advice of people who know more about a subject than we
do. We’ll talk more about using this in persuasion later.
 Liking
Liking is one of those core principles that seems obvious, but yet it needs
definition since it is at the hub of all types of persuasion. Liking, simply put,
means that you are much more likely to be persuaded by someone that you like.

If you don’t like someone, are you going to take their advice? Probably
not. We humans are wired to make snap judgments about almost every situation
we get into, and one of the simplest decisions to make is whether we like
someone or not. Every person you meet triggers a feeling instantly of comfort
or wariness. This was a survival skill in the early days of our evolution, and it
still holds sway today, as we’ll see.

Scarcity
Speaking of evolution’s early days, our final persuasion principal is an
obvious holdover from the early days of staying alive. Scarcity makes things
more valuable to us, so when something seems like it is limited in quantity, we
are more likely to want it.

Sand is commonplace; gold is not. Which would you rather have? Or

more to the point, what does all humankind want more? It most certainly used
to be food that was so valuable, so that early man found ways to preserve food
when it was abundant so that it would be around when food got scarce.

Survival depends on specific resources that can be in short supply, so

humans are naturally prone to try and save and hang on to that which is not
always available. Since this is core hardwiring in our brains, we’ll see that this
is an often-used method of persuasion today.
 EXTRACT FROM:

“Persuasion Techniques:

How To Use Psychology Skills For Beginners. Social Influence, Empath

& Manipulation Mind Guide. Dark Psychology Secrets, Nlp, Body Language
And Human Behavior To Analyze People.”
 Persuasion Techniques:

How To Use Psychology Skills For

Beginners. Social Influence, Empath &
Manipulation Mind Guide. Dark
Psychology Secrets, Nlp, Body Language
And Human Behavior To Analyze People.
 Table of Contents
Introduction 350
Chapter 1: What We Mean By Persuasion 353
Chapter 2: How The Mind Works 362
Chapter 3: How Can Mind Control Be Used To Influence And Persuade A
Person 382
Chapter 4: Manipulation Techniques 396
Chapter 5: Mind Control Secrets 410
Chapter 6: Hypnosis 426
Chapter 7: Influence Through Seduction 441
Chapter 8: Powerful Social Media Persuasion Techniques 448
Chapter 9: Neuro-Linguistic Programming 461
Chapter 10: Learn From Mistakes 470
Chapter 11: Covert Emotional Manipulation 484
Conclusion 504
CHAPTER BONUS 508
 Introduction

People are often stuck in their ways, believing that each of their opinions
is the right one. The reason for this is that we all are different: we have different
backgrounds, mental abilities, social influences, levels of education, the ability
to see far, and other factors that make us different. It would be hypocritical to
consider someone’s thinking erroneous without walking in their shoes to
understand their unique circumstances. Even when someone is wrong, you need
to approach them with respect and show them that their position is not the most
favorable one. For this example and many others, that is where persuasion skills
come in handy.

You will also learn useful tips to help you convince others of your
opinion, place your views to people in authority, and to express yourself without
harming others. You will also learn about leadership behavior, how to create
certainty, and how to be convincing, among other things.

All of us want to have influence over people and get them to do what we
want. Our motives may be evil or benign—that doesn’t matter. The fact is that
every day you face situations that make you wish you could get people to do
what you want them to do. You may want to convince your boss to give you
that raise, get the big guy in marketing to have lunch with you, get your
children to listen to you, win an argument, sell something, or get people to vote
for you (or the person that you support). You can do it the easy way by trying to
cajole them or present your side of the argument and take the chance that they’ll
say no. Or you can do it the easier way by being persuasive, using subconscious
techniques, and basically manipulating people into doing or saying what you
want.
 The purpose of this book is to go the latter way and teach you to
understand people, comprehend what motivates them, and use that to your
advantage. You can use what I tell you to get people to always say yes. I’ll teach
you how to be compelling and become the controller.

I’ll also talk to you about Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP and

how you can use it to master the art of manipulation. We’ll also be discussing
strategies and tactics you can use to ensure that you win. Leave your ethics at
the doorstep; this book is all about deception, controlling people’s responses
and behavior, and getting them to do what you want them to do.

Persuasion is used in social, political, business and religious environments

and its mastery is crucial to each of us, even though we may use it in different
ways. This book will look at the basic techniques of persuasion and how best to
increase your own use of it, as well as techniques to protect yourself from being
persuaded to do things you might not want to do. It is not a guide to coercion,
which - though similar in the short term - will not produce the same results over
an extended period. We’ll also dive into tried and tested strategies used by
trained persuaders and how you can deal with even the most difficult of people.
That said, the aim is to teach you how to get people to want to do what you
want them to and not to force them to do what you want them to. The difference
may sound small, but it is crucial.
 Chapter 1: What We Mean By Persuasion

When we discuss manipulation and persuasion, it usually comes down to

a difference of intent. For instance, is the person who is persuading you to do
something that will benefit both you and them? If so, that’s the classic win-win
scenario, and we could say that persuasion was used to help you come to the
right decision.

But what if the same person gets you to do something that benefits him,
but leaves you worse off? That would be characterized as manipulation, and that
type of persuasion happens all of the time, too. You may have done it yourself
without really realizing it, and not felt too good about it afterward.

Persuasion can be used for all kinds of purposes, both good and evil.
People can manipulate you into giving them your money, your time, your faith,
your talent, and provide you with nothing in return. Or they can persuade you
into giving of all of these things and leave you better off in the end. And
sometimes, the lines aren’t so clearly drawn.

What I will attempt to show you in this book is just how persuasion
happens in various parts of your everyday life, how persuasion can be used to
help you get what you want, and how to recognize persuasion techniques that
are used on you. Ultimately, everyone makes their own decisions. By being
aware of persuasion techniques, you can more successfully analyze your
motivations and make sure that what you are doing benefits both you and
others.

Today’s Pervasive Persuasion

Persuasion is also an important topic today because we are contacted by
more and more sophisticated methods of persuasion than ever before.
Persuasion comes at us in all forms, at a velocity never even possible
previously. I’m sure you can guess the cause of this increased persuasion. That’s
right! It’s called The Internet.

Never before have people had direct access to the tools of mass
communication. You can pick up your smartphone and start broadcasting live
right now, with just a few clicks. You can start typing and send your views to
millions of people around the world. Or you can post a picture of that adorable
thing your cat just did to your partner to brighten their day at work. And all of
the people you are reaching can get that information instantly because they
probably have a smartphone or computer or screen nearby that they are looking
at, and you have access to that network. This type of reach and access was
unheard of only a decade or two ago. Today, this connection is commonplace
and growing.

But do you ever take time to decide how the words and pictures that you
consume play a part in what you think, or what the motives were behind
sending them to you in the first place? Much like a loaded gun in the hands of
someone who doesn’t know how to shoot, persuasion techniques can sometimes
have unintended consequences that can be devastating. If you don’t realize what
the warning signs are, or how you can protect yourself from those
consequences, and make sure you aren’t unintentionally harming yourself.

The Principles of Persuasion

Since that book, many researchers have created experiments to test these
theories with surprisingly consistent results. The bottom line is that we humans
seem to be hard-wired to behave in certain ways given certain circumstances.
Using various methods to trigger those responses that we want, we can cause
the outcomes that we want.
 The 6 Principles of Persuasion

Reciprocation
Give something to get something, right? Remember the story of the
chicken who planted grain so that her chicks could eat? She asked for help to
sow the grain, to keep the field clean from weeds, to harvest the grain and
finally, to make the bread. She asked her neighbors and friends to help, but in
the end, no one was interested until the bread was hot and ready to eat. Since
her neighbors had not given her anything in the form of help, she was not
inclined to give them any of the final product.

That give and take is the first principal of getting along in life, and it’s
known as one of the foundational principals of persuasion as well. Reciprocity
merely means that if you give someone something, they are more likely to give
you something in return.

Commitment and Consistency

We, humans, have a “reality” surrounding us at all times. I put this
“reality” in quotes because it is a reality of our creation.

Our brains have an innate ability to tell stories, and we tell ourselves
stories all of the time. We tell ourselves stories of the type of person we believe
we are, and how we behave feeds into that story. When presented with a choice,
you make that choice based on the story of who you are. One of the options
looks “right” to us because making that choice is consistent with what we
believe a person like us would do.

Social Proof
This core persuasion principle is also sometimes referred to as Consensus.
Social proof feeds directly from the previous storytelling of Commitment and
Consistency. We have told ourselves a story of what we believe we are, what we
stand for, and the kind of person we are. To reinforce that story, we look at how
other people behave for Social Proof of how people like us should react in a
particular situation.

Now more than ever, the Internet has created countless places where we
can go for this type of reinforcement. Some of that reinforcement is legitimate,
some not so much. All of it is used as a powerful tool for persuasion, as we’ll
find out going forward.

Authority
Now once we have decided on the type of person we are and we’ve
assembled with the kinds of people we believe reinforce that identity; the next
step is to seek out knowledgeable people to reinforce what we’ve told ourselves
to be true. That’s where the idea of Authority takes hold.

As sane people, we are likely to take the advice of people who appear to
have more knowledge about a subject than we do. That is certainly necessary.
No one can know everything, not even with smartphones and Google just a tap
away. We seek out the advice of people who know more about a subject than we
do. We’ll talk more about using this in persuasion later.
 Liking
Liking is one of those core principles that seems obvious, but yet it needs
definition since it is at the hub of all types of persuasion. Liking, simply put,
means that you are much more likely to be persuaded by someone that you like.

If you don’t like someone, are you going to take their advice? Probably
not. We humans are wired to make snap judgments about almost every situation
we get into, and one of the simplest decisions to make is whether we like
someone or not. Every person you meet triggers a feeling instantly of comfort
or wariness. This was a survival skill in the early days of our evolution, and it
still holds sway today, as we’ll see.

Scarcity
Speaking of evolution’s early days, our final persuasion principal is an
obvious holdover from the early days of staying alive. Scarcity makes things
more valuable to us, so when something seems like it is limited in quantity, we
are more likely to want it.

Sand is commonplace; gold is not. Which would you rather have? Or

more to the point, what does all humankind want more? It most certainly used
to be food that was so valuable, so that early man found ways to preserve food
when it was abundant so that it would be around when food got scarce.

Survival depends on specific resources that can be in short supply, so

humans are naturally prone to try and save and hang on to that which is not
always available. Since this is core hardwiring in our brains, we’ll see that this
is an often-used method of persuasion today.
 Chapter 2: How The Mind Works

Studying the art of Manipulation is more gratifying. Be intelligent about

applying them, study a lot and apply, and you can influence how people act and
think.

Exceptional verbal communication abilities depend on your ability to

speak clearly and express your thoughts. There are different methods of
improving your verbal skills.

The secret for a perfect Manipulation

Improving Verbal Communication
For begin, read as much as you can. It is essential to have a vast
vocabulary and the read is the more fast and best way to increase it. read books
with different topics, and different authors. Avoid stupid books that require
insignificant effort. The reading will enlarge your knowledge about diverse
subjects and of course, will let you speak about stuff quickly. Some people
dislike reading, and you might be one of them, but once you read for a while, it
is not as bad as you think. Besides, traditionally, when we are children, we are
obliged to read monotonous classic literature. That is not necessary. You can
read newspapers, articles online, modern books, magazines interesting.

Repeat your speaking. Observe the way you speak and get comfortable
with that. In this step, you will be capable of finding something that you don't
like and to be able to change it. If you don’t like those parts, neither will others.
You can make practice talking to other people that you want to manipulate and
influence. That way, when you meet them, it won’t be the first time you will
talk about the subject. You can do it like a game and exercise it a few times.

Work on your timbre and voice, because, what you are saying or doing are
not the most important things. Register your voice, listen to it and examine
things. Write down what you like about it and whatnot. Working on it will
increase your success rate of mental Manipulation. Don’t speak softly and
monotonously. Make sure everything you say is clear and with confidence. How
can you influence someone if you cannot even hear yourself because you are
mumbling? More you practice, the better you will get at it.

You should be able to look good in front of the people you want to
influence.

How to look good to manipulate people

- Choose Good Hairstyle.

As they say, the hair is a person's crowning glory and a new haircut can
dramatically change your appearance. When you talk to a person, you are trying
to influence, and your haircut will be one of the things he will notice. Invest in a
good haircut and don't regret a few extra bucks for a better quality salon.
Choose a hairstyle that is suitable for you and one that flatters your face and
whole appearance.

- Give Importance To Your Hygiene.

Having good hygiene can go a long way when you want to look good and
feel better about yourself. Take a bath every day so that your body stays clean.
Wash your hair regularly and use soap on your body to remove dirt and
unwanted smells. For women, clean your nails and polish them. For men, keep
your nails trimmed all the time. Clean your ears and brush your teeth. Keep a
clean appearance and people around you will notice and appreciate it. You will
also feel much more confident to interact with others.
 - Dress nicely

You don't really need to buy and wear expensive or most trendy clothes to
have a good appearance. If a person does not like your suit, he will not take you
too seriously, and it will be very difficult to influence someone in that situation.
Just make sure that your clothes are washed and pressed. You need to impress a
person you are manipulating. Clean clothes smell good and look presentable. If
you can afford it, invest in some good pieces of clothing. Buy garments that fit
your size.

- Take care of your Skin Care

Your skin is very important as it is the very first thing that people will
notice about you. Keep your facial skin clean by washing your face morning
and night. You should invest in cleansers and moisturizers for your face and
start a cleansing routine to fight off pimples and other skin problems. If you
have acne or other problems, consult a dermatologist. Take care of the rest of
your skin by using lotions and sunblock.

-Have A Good Posture.

Sit straight, don't slouch. Square your shoulders when you are standing or
walking. Just by doing those things can add to your self-confidence as you will
feel taller and look taller. A good posture is a sign of good self-esteem.

-Have A Fit Body

Losing weight and having a fit body can do a lot to boost your self-
esteem, so go on and sweat off those extra pounds! Not only will you feel
healthier physically, but you will also feel much more secure and happy about
yourself. Moreover, when you exercise, your body feels revitalized and it sends
a message to your brain making you feel happier and more confident.

-Smile.
 A smile can brighten up the face. If you are in the habit of frowning,
perhaps you should try smiling for a change. This can have a great impact on
your appearance. People who smile look friendlier and more approachable than
those that put on a sad face. Another point, the teeth can play a big part in a
person's self-confidence. Visit the dentist and let her have a look at your set. He
can recommend any work that needs to be done on your teeth for you to have
that winning smile.

- Learning more about neuroscience and psychology and will teach you
more and different viewpoints about how to manipulate people. You need to
have at least a basic understanding of the human mind if you want to be a good
manipulator. Sure, all these teaching can help you, but you need a deeper, more
large understanding of human behavior to be ready to manipulate others.

The Art of Mental Manipulation

Here we examine in detail the most important manipulation methods of
how to manipulate people:

Read their body language – to know deeper who they are

Guilty – If you want they will make what you want, make them feel guilty

Mirroring – Copy what others do and others will start copying you

Look good – halo effect makes others more considerate towards people
who look well
 Fear and comfort – scare and influence

Victim card – Play like a victim

Act on their feelings – but don’t ignore to master your first

Love bombing – convince them you are an exceptional person

Bribery method – People love to payback for even something little

Listen well – Learn what they are saying and how others talk

Now you can learn more about all the methods described above

if we talk about manipulating people, it may seem unethical to many.

You are playing with people's emotions, feelings and thoughts and only
for your personal interests.

You have to choose what is ethical and what is not, and act accordingly.

You can get financial and emotional benefits if you will know how to best
use the techniques you are learning

It is essential to manipulate people without notice

Here is an overview of the manipulation techniques you can use:

Read Body Language

Did you know that only about 7% of human communication is verbal? I
find that rather interesting considering all of the talking that we humans do.

After learning this I wondered what the remaining 93% of our

communication consisted of then.
 If you are having difficulties with deciphering a person, then you make to
pay attention to their body language, and reading it.

Aside from our written communication, our major means of

communication is body language. It's hard to believe really, but if you think
about it, it does make sense.

All of the following body movements bring meaning to the mind. As you
can see each of these examples can be interpreted differently. The situation that
surrounds the instance is just as important as how we interpret.

-Roll of the eyes...showing disgust or lack of belief.

-toss of the head or hair...better than or depending on the setting can mean
flirting.

-Twisting hair...this one is definitely flirting or showing interest in

another.

-covering mouth...expressing secretiveness or embarrassment or deceit.

-tugging on earlobe...lost in thought.

-a shrug of the shoulders...don't know and don't really care.

Since body language is normally a subconscious act, it can't be "lied" or

faked.

Our subconscious mind is unable to lie. If you want to know the truth and
nothing but the truth, read the body.

A person may be trying to deceive you if they look up and to the right
when answering your question. The direction of someone's eye movement tells
us a lot about what is going on in their heads. When we look up and to the right,
we are visually constructing an image, When we look up and to the left, we are
visually remembering an image. Southpaws are the exact opposite,
right=remembering, and

left=constructing. Avoiding eye contact altogether, turning their body

away from you, covering parts of the face or crossing their leg with the ankle of
one leg resting on the knee of the other leg are usually red flags of possible
deceit.

When trying to distinguish if a person is lying to you it will often take

more than a crossed leg to be certain. Your final determination will depend on
the question asked, the situation and noticeable mixed signals.

As you can see we humans aren't simple by any stretch of the

imagination.

Factor in the fibbers that may try and fudge their body language and it

gets even harrier to interpret body language. Nonetheless, this is an

intriguing topic and one that deserves some studying and practice.

Learning to read and interpret body language can open up a whole new
world of communication and understanding.
 Guilt feeling
This is another very potent way to manipulate others, never undervalue
the power of making somebody feel guilty. When a person feels guilty about
something, he will try to repay for it anyway

In this way, you can easily suggest to them an idea, your idea. This is
when you are gradually setting your desires into their unconscious mind and
wait for them to follow the flow. This method works best with who are already
predisposed to feeling guilty, like relatives, friends, or who have betrayed your
trust or let you down in the past.

However pay attention, if this looks too evident the other people might
suspect that you are working to manipulate him.

Mirroring Technique
This is the most famous manipulation method that involves two parts. In
the first part, you are trying to mirror the person you want to influence, and in
the second part, she or he will be mirroring you. The method is elementary and
easy to do. All you need to do is copy the behavior. Take a close look at their
body language, hand and face movements, and the tone of the voice. Is he
holding his hand crossed? Do the same. Is he speaking without many emotions?
You start talking the same way. Certainly, it is essential to do it as carefully as
possible.

Otherwise, it will be too apparent that you are trying to mirror, and the
person will start being suspicious of your behaviour. You don't want to do that
as it will be difficult to recover from that position.

After some time of doing the mirroring method, the person will start to
feel to you. This is the time when she or he has a trust towards you and becomes
vulnerable to the different manipulation techniques. The cool thing about
mirroring is that soon you will start noticing something unusual, now the person
will start copying your behaviour instead. When that happens, you know you've
acquired his trust

The method is essential for the further efforts of manipulation. If a person

doesn't trust you, it is complicated to influence him. Once the connection is
established, other techniques will start working much easier. Make sure that you
mirror for a long time and do not expect the magic to happen in a few minutes.
Charismatic personalities
Whether we like it or not, human nature is very simple, we are
instinctively attracted to charismatic personalities, and that is a fact. If you are a
good-looking person, then you can obtain the best of it and manipulate the
others. Life certainly is more easy for beautiful people, but your charm alone
will not get you very far, you need to work on it and to learn how to take it to
the next level.

You must be pleasant, positive, and you must also have a welcoming and
approachable body language, if you manage to do so, then this can hugely
benefit you both in your professional and personal life. Make people feel unique
and make sure always to be self-confident: do not exceed, because nobody
likes cocky people regardless of how charismatic they are.

The first method on our list starts with a well- The Fear and relief method

This method involves playing a bit with the other one’s emotions.

It is incredibly efficient but must use with attention because it can cause
anxiety and stress.

The process has a very simple two parts: First, make another person fear
something. It will quickly make him exposed to the irrational behavior that you
can use for your convenience. Then you offer him a relief of the fear that he
feels. The most challenging part of this method is to know what to use to scare
the other. You need to have a precise idea of what to say and how to say way
before you approach the other. Then you also need to have a solution that will
save him from the uncomfortable feeling.

This method is frequently used in the media to hook the spectators. The
news channel, for example, can scare people with a very dramatic
communication like “50 people are affected by the new virus outbreak” that will
most likely scare the people. Then they end up with “for the updated
information of what to do, keep watching our channel,” which offers the
solution to the spectator – keep watching, and we will tell you how to survive
this virus.

You can scare people with anything from their relationships to career
goals. Be original, analyze your target, and come up with the best approaches to
doing the scheme.

When that happens, the person is much more possible to do whatever you
need them to, and as evil, as that may sound, it really works!

Play The Victim Card

This manipulation method has the best result with the guilt method, and
you should consider combining the two. Be careful, though, as playing the
victim card can sometimes be a double-edged sword, and it can work against
you if you overdo it. Use it sparingly.

Words like these make people think that their mental resistance towards
you is too much, and they are rude. Then they feel guilty and start being more
careful, ending up doing what you want them to do.

Master Your Feelings

The easiest way to manipulate people is to make them fall in love with
you. When a person turns from being rational to being emotional, that is the
right time to make them do whatever you want them to. All you have to do is to
guide them to feel a particular way about you gradually. However, this method
is typically used for the real masters of manipulation, because if you do not
master your own emotions first, you may be manipulated.

Love Bombing Method

Love bombing is a typical emotional manipulation method used
frequently by manipulators (especially narcissists). It is a technique that is
typically used at the beginning of the interaction with the person you are trying
to influence. You demonstrate positive affection and attention towards the
victim, and it is difficult for him not to feel good about you. It is a primary
human impulse to treat people nicely if they do the same. When you start your
conversation with being much friendly towards somebody, you are creating an
emotional trap for him that he will most probably fall into.

You need to keep in mind that the love-bombing method is not for each
person. You can’t use only this tool and try to resolve everything with it. The
technique works much better on the people who need affection or love in their
lives. Don’t be too explicit about your intentions and start to get what you want
after a few minutes of appreciation and a fake smile.

If you are familiar with some religious groups, you can easily recognize
this method. They often use it, and millions of victims fall for it. Their goals,
are not very clear at the beginning as they know well that you can’t scare the
people away by being too quick with manipulation. When some time passes,
and they make you join their group, it is already too late as you are already also
influenced by their positive approach.

The Bribery Technique

This manipulation technique works like magic whenever you try to make
somebody do what you want. If you reward somebody, be it materially or
emotionally, they will feel compelled to return the favor, make sure to use that
in your best interest, when they do!

All you have to do is to understand what your friend, your partner or other
wants or needs and give it to them, then suggest that you would like something
in return. Be careful not to make it sound as if you are blackmailing them
though, as that will surely not end well. Try to make it look as if you are
genuinely lovely to that person.

The secret is timing. It is essential to give people something they want

carefully and way before you want them to do something. Just like all the other
techniques, bribery for manipulation requires a careful approach. You need to
build confidence and trust over time, gradually influencing others.

Bribery also does not require something costly or time-consuming. You

can start working on it with small stuff like free drinks, sweets or coffee. It
comes to making others do what you desire, they will have ‘sure, I’ll help, he is
always so nice to me’ beliefs running in their heads.

Learn a lot about a Person and Become a Good Listener

Don't think that manipulators use a few code words to hack into your
mind and make you do what they want. It is not so easy. Developing trust
between you and the other person is fundamental. If a person doesn't trust you,
he won't want to do anything with you, and you will lose the possibility of
influencing him. That is why it is imperative to be friends with him, and for do
this, you must become an able listener. This has two parts for you:

1. Being an able listener creates an illusion of friendship during the

conversation. You look much more appealing and honest to others when they
see that you are very interested in what they have to say. This is particularly true
for the people who do not get much of social interactions in their social lives
and are desirous to talk to others. They love to discuss their experiences, tell
you what they did recently, where they intend to go next year for a vacation, and
even private details of their personal lives. You need only to stay quiet and
listen. If things get very dull, at least pretend you are interested, but
remembering what they said is necessary for the second part.

2. The trust towards you strengthens when you, after some time, mention
something that they told you before. That is the instant when they believe that
you really cared and listened. It is difficult to listen and memorize everything
they said, especially if the conversation was very boring, and you listened
because you want to manipulate them. However, try to remember at least some
details. If they say something about their vacation, don't repeating each detail,
casually mention how the holiday went.
 Chapter 3: How Can Mind Control Be Used
To Influence And Persuade A Person

Conventional tools used to influence

There are various techniques and tools used to persuade people. The
variety of techniques and tools employed to convince people to enable one to
adjust persuasion tactics depending on the environment and the target audience.
It can be argued that different tactics to influence an audience will vary
depending on their age, level of education, place, ethnicity and religious
affiliations. Conventional tools refer to widely acceptable methods and
techniques to persuade people. These tools are conventional in that they elicit
the least ethical protest on their usage. In this chapter, we are going to present
the specific tools and techniques used to influence.

Logical persuading

Using this technique, one employs logic to explain what they want or
believe in. Using logic to persuade is a fundamental tool to appeal to people.
Logical persuading is widely practiced and is effective but it does not work for
every person. In this technique, the influencer makes the target audience
appreciate the suggested direction as the most reasonable, efficient and safe.
Once the target audience has bought this line, they will in turn act as mini-
influencers by recruiting more people to the suggested line of thought. Logical
persuading is widely used by political leaders especially when seeking to unseat
the incumbent. In conflict resolution, logical persuading as a technique tends to
deliver.
 Legitimizing

Legitimizing implies appealing to authority. Legitimizing is the least-

effective technique to influence. One of the reasons for this technique is
ineffective is that it takes attention away from the speaker and grants it to a
recognizable authority. For this reason, appealing to authority may appear as an
attempt to intimidate the audience. The second reason for this technique
showing ineffectiveness is that it makes the target audience aware of the attempt
to manipulate them. Consequently, the audience invokes the defense mechanism
against explicit manipulation. However, legitimizing as a technique will work
for most people and can elicit quick compliance especially in the formal
settings.

Exchanging

In this context, exchanging techniques entails mediating or trading for

cooperation and is most efficient when it is contained. In some circumstances,
exchanging or compromise is the best way to persuade an audience. A shrewd
influencer will create a perception of a standoff or crisis and offer the audience
compromise which elevates the liking for the influencer. The underlying
principle of the exchanging as a technique is to enable the participants to feel
involved and appreciated rather than be passive participants. In conflict
resolution and business negotiation, exchanging as a technique is widely
preferred. However, using exchanging techniques should be limited to
deserving contexts lest it qualifies as manipulation.

Stating

The technique of stating asserts what you want or believe. It is one of the
persuading tools and most sufficient when one is self-confident and states ideas
with an imperative tone of voice. In this technique of influence, one simply
makes the audience aware of what he or she wants. In some contexts such as the
church and school, this technique of influence works. Concerning power
relations, stating as technique works where the target audience has no
negotiating power when placed against the influencer. For instance, a principal
of a school informing students on the need to keep time and submit homework
constitutes an application of the stating technique of influencing. Stating can
cause resistance if overused. The resistance to stating, as a technique is that it
can create the impression that the rest of the audience is expected to align with
the influencer and that they do not have the freedom to differ.

Socializing

The technique of socializing concerns getting to know the other person

and being open and friendly. It is about finding common ground. Socializing
involves complimenting people and making them feel good about themselves.
Socializing is a critical influence on power tools and is widely applicable across
different settings. Most politicians employ socializing by reducing themselves
to the routine life of their voters which makes them relatable and believable.
Ever thought why most political candidates during campaigns freely interact
with the common man and even ride bicycles? The reason for this is that they
are trying to socialize by appearing open and friendly.

Appealing to the relationship

The technique of appealing to relationship involves cooperating with

people that you already know well premised on the length and strength of the
actual relationships. The appealing to the relationship as a technique to
influence is among the most effective persuasion tools. Creating a relationship
enables to create a lasting influence as the participants feel that they owe the
influence of cooperation and reciprocation. Think of why teachers invest
significant mental energy in helping a connection with students. The reason for
investing in a relationship is that the target individual readily accepts the
persuasion as he or she imagines that the interaction is mutual and considerate
of the welfare of the affected person.

Consulting

Stimulating or engaging people by asking questions constitutes a

consulting technique. The consulting technique requires involving people in the
solution or problem. The technique functions well with sharp and self-confident
people that have a strong urge to devote ideas. People are likely to cooperate if
they are made to feel that they matter and this is the logic behind consulting as a
technique to influence. At the school level, the school administration will
always involve student leaders even when it is clear that the school
administration will not budge even if the student leaders disagree. The practice
of involving the target audience helps lower resistance and enhances
cooperation.

Building alliance

Alliance building involves creating formations to help impact other

people through peer pressure or herd mentality. Even though alliance building is
not invoked often, in some circumstances it is the most effective tool. For
instance, most political contexts may invoke building alliances as a tool to
influence. The other benefit of building alliances is that it allows one to have a
sort of backup to the attempts to influence. The members of the alliance that
you built will carry the burden of your influence which helps spread the
persuasion as well as shield you should the target audience get dissatisfied with
your efforts.

Appealing to values

The technique of making an emotional appeal involves invoking what

people celebrate, respect and adhere to as a society or community. For instance,
spiritual leaders will draw attention to values that build up the specific religion
and to which the congregation identifies with. As such, the audience will
quickly understand the authority and power wielded by the spiritual leader. A
politician will appeal to the dominant religious, cultural and national values that
the country identifies with which helps charm the audience. An idealist will
make an emotional appeal to the audience to desire the envisioned perfect
society. Business leaders may make an emotional appeal by drawing the
attention of the audience to environmental degradation and influence the
audience to embrace green technology products.

Modeling

In this technique, one behaves in a manner that he or she wants others to

behave. Modeling as a means to influence can be accomplished by teaching,
coaching, mentoring, and counseling. The benefit of modeling is that the
audience is largely unaware that they are being guided to align with the wishes
of the speaker. Leaders, parents, managers, and public figures influence others
via modeling all the time. For instance, if your mothers show you how to dress
by dressing well then she is setting the example and in the process influencing.
On the other hand, you are unknowingly trying to be like your mother not
knowing that your mother intentionally sought to influence you.
 Controversial influencing tactics

The controversial techniques to influence include avoidance,

manipulation, intimidation, and issuing threats. These techniques are treated as
negative because they deny the target audience the legitimate right to speak
their will. The target audience is forced to adhere to something as opposed to
their best interests. Think of your school days, or the experience when you were
arrested and locked in a police cell. There are instances where the controversial
influence tactics may work such as a prosecutor seeking the cooperation of the
accused or where a teacher wants to quickly restore order in the school and
prevent chaos. Controversial influencing tactics should be used in moderation
and in extreme circumstances such as averting chaos.

Avoiding

Avoidance entails forcing others to act and in most cases opposed to their
best interests by dodging accountability or dispute. In this technique, rather than
individual leading others to confront their challenges, he or she selectively
approach the issue to elicit the highest level of cooperation. For this reason,
avoidance as a technique buries any issue that can disrupt the status quo of
society and focuses on what the author finds satisfying. In a way, avoidance is
related to appeasing where emotive issues are overlooked and the influencer
concentrates on what people desire to hear.

Manipulating

In manipulation, one seeks to influence through deceit, lies, swindles, and

hoaxes. Hiding your real intention or deliberately withholding information
others need to arrive at the right conclusion is manipulation. In manipulation,
the individual seeks to use the masses to accomplish selfish gains at the expense
of others. Bullies and tyrants prefer intimidation.

Threatening

Issuing threats lest they comply and making examples of some people so
others understand that the threats are real. Issuing threats is widely used by
tyrants and dictators. In most cases, threats help attain short-term compliance
but in the absence of close supervision, the target individuals quickly let go of
the modified behavior and perceptions. Think of your early school days, there
are chances that you were issued with threats that made you and others readily
comply but as soon as you realized that, you can navigate the consequences the
threats no longer counted.

In some cases, managers or supervisors may issue threats, especially

where the employees are resisting change. A supervisor may threaten
employees that those that do not learn to use the new system may face forced
early retirement. In this context, the employees will buy into the
recommendations of the supervisor due to the potency of the threats issued.

Sanctions

Through this technique, the individual issues sanctions, which are well-
calculated restrictions that create uneasiness on the target. Sanctions force the
affected person to feel emotional, social, personal and economic pressure to
which the person blames himself or herself. Sanctions may involve influencer
banning or making it difficult for others to transact with you. At the global
stage, economic sanctions help exert control over the targeted country. If a
country receives sanctions then it is deliberately denied trade partners which
elevate negative publicity of the country. A real-life example is how the United
States uses sanctions to contain other emerging economic powers that do not
cooperate with the United States.

Information control

Filtering information can elevate one over others. Multiple contexts make
people desperate for information. It is one reason why media houses wield
influence. However, when practicing information control, it is necessary to
uphold consistency. The other effect of information control is that it makes the
individual be perceived as being connected, knowledgeable and powerful which
enhances the influence that he or she wields. Due to the proliferation of social
media, withholding information may not always work as people can still access
the much-needed information from independent influencers.

Image management

In this context, image management includes the character, personality,

grooming and diction of an individual. Your style and consistency of dressing
affect how people perceive you. Additionally, a certain form of dressing may
communicate nonconformity or gentleness. Similarly, the choice of words by a
person will determine the reception and reaction of the target audience. Our
character may make us find it easier or difficult to influence others. Concerning
personality, our personality rarely changes compared to character. For this
reason, one should define their personality and use the patch up the
shortcomings when attempting to influence.
 Chapter 4: Manipulation Techniques

We all manipulate people and situations at various points of our lives, like
telling a white lie to save your skin or using flattery to make someone like us.
For some people, however, manipulation is a way of life and a weapon they use
to overpower their victims. Sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, and other
social predators are critical users of manipulation.

While the predators may have a range of techniques with which to

overpower their victims, they only target particular personalities. This is
because they aim to manipulate quickly and easily, having established the
specific vulnerabilities in a person that could render them ripe for manipulation.
People with low self-esteem, naivety, low self-confidence, and people pleasers
are quickly manipulated.

The Techniques

Here are several techniques the predators use to manipulate:

1. The Fear-Then-Relief Technique

The fear-then-relief technique is one of the oldest, most foul manipulative

techniques. It preys on a person’s emotions by the manipulator causing some
high stress and anxiety on the subject then providing some temporary relief.
Once the individual goes through these sudden mood shifts, he or she is
disarmed and less likely to make rational or thoughtful decisions. The person
will respond in the affirmative when requests are placed to him or her.
 Suppose you are walking along the corridors of your university and
people start jumping from every corner around you, dancing and doing all kinds
of stunts. At first, when they start dropping from all corners, you may be
frightened, thinking that you have been caught up in a rowdy mob and that you
stand to be harassed. On learning that they are singing and dancing to you, you
will get some form of relief. If after this someone you have been dating comes
up and presents a ring, you are likely to say ‘yes’ compared to if the person had
asked you upfront in another setting when you would have given some thought
before accepting the marriage proposal.

The fear-then-relief technique is the good cop/bad cop technique you see
on TV all the time. The bad cop scares the hell out of the victim while the good
cop tends to be helpful and considerate to the victim. With this mixture of
emotions, the person becomes more cooperative and willing to talk.

This is also the technique bosses use to get you to agree to their unfair
demands. Your boss could let you know that your job is on the line, for
example, then comment that you have been working very well, before asking
you to work overtime.
 2. The Foot-In-The-Door Technique

This is a manipulation technique where the person uses a small request to

prime you before presenting the real request. It is a simple, subtle, but tricky
technique.

Cons use this technique when they ask you to purchase some lottery
tickets that could get you to win some grand price. Once you have bought into
the idea, you end up buying one ticket after the other without gaining any
significant thing, in the hope of winning the grand prize. By the end of the
exercise, you will have spent all your money buying a nonexistent award, and
the manipulator will move on to the next victim and repeat the process.

3. Social Exchange

The social exchange technique is built on the premise of causing you to

feel guilty. This technique is popularly used by unethical marketers and con
artists in which the first person presents the second with a physical or
psychological reward so that when the first person asks the second for a favor or
request to comply, the second person will feel the pressure to give in.

Doing favors and other good things for other people without expecting
things in return is typical in human society, but crooked manipulative people
can use these social cues as a means to get their way. For example, a bad friend
could start informing people in a gathering about how helpful he was when he
got you some bail money you needed to get out of jail after an arrest or a court
ruling once you and those around you hear that, you will be too embarrassed not
to give in to his requests when he immediately brings up his need for 500
dollars to get himself out of bad debt.

You also see this trick in many movies when someone is forced to do
things out of character to return a favor. A character could be forced to cover up
murder as a favor to someone who helped them hide or falsify evidence in a
case that would have sent the first person to jail. There are many other examples
we could give.

4. Lowering or Utterly Destroying Your Self-Esteem

Lowering or destroying your self-esteem is a technique used to downplay

you and everything you are about. The manipulator uses it by pointing out your
defects instead of offering some positive criticism. For example, a manipulative
parent could say that his 18-year-old son cannot drive by himself and will need
supervision, not because the son needs it, but because the parent wants to
accompany his son and monitor him wherever he goes, whatever he does. This
is more like hovering than being a good parent.

5. Projection
 Projection is a diversion tactic that the manipulators use to shift the
shortcomings and deficiencies in their own lives to other people. Rather than
take responsibility for the mistakes and the errors made he or she made, the
manipulator prefers to plant the case on another person so that the manipulator
can avoid taking the blame. Their failures and faults are often projected to other
people.

Projection is a psychologically abusive tactic that makes the manipulator

look clean and innocent while making the victim look dirty, silly, and
unfortunate. The manipulator is very quick to identify a person to be blamed.
For example, a manipulative employee will lay blame on his supervisor when
the section the employee works is underperforming. He will say that the
supervisor is lazy and doesn’t give them targets. He might also say that he
works hard, but others around him are lazy; they leave him to do all the work.

A projecting father might say that the reason his children are misbehaving
and failing in school is that their mother does not parent them properly. This
parent completely disregards his responsibility and role in raising the children
and places all the blame on the mother.

A projecting relationship partner, instead of admitting his or her need for

intimacy in the relationship, will choose to make it appear like you are too
touchy, clingy, or that the partner is only intimate with you as a favor. The idea
here is to cause you to appear weak and vulnerable, but for the partner to appear
strong and independent. However, the truth is that the manipulative one is the
weaker one.
 The same is the case for people who are always finding fault and
correcting others. They do it as a way to project the failures and negativity they
see in themselves. For example, when a person is quick to note low self-esteem
or pride in another person, it is because the person is proud or has low self-
esteem, and is only looking for a victim who can bear the shame or the poor
image that comes with that.

6. Intimidation

If a manipulator considers you a threat, intimidation is one trick he or she

will use to silence you. One way to do this is to remain very close to you and to
speak to you in a manner that is both aggressive and subtle. When you want to
defend yourself, the person will look at you strangely, in a way meant to make
you lose your train of thought or stop debating with them. This trick mainly
works well with victims who are easily flattered or frightened.

Once the manipulator has seen that you easily scare, threats and
intimidation will follow. One way to avoid this is to overcome your fears and
learn to stand amid intimidation. Avoid revealing your weaknesses and fears to
someone you cannot trust because the person will look forward to using it
against you in the future.

7. Intellectual Bullying

You may think that the person who often comes up with facts is so smart,
but no, he is just a manipulator. Intellectual bullying is a common trick used to
manipulate victims with intellectual facts that are not necessarily accurate. The
person knows that you do not have any access or chance to access that
information to verify the validity of his claims, and for this reason, they appear
to you as having some authority of a kind. This kind of manipulation is often
used at points of sales or in financial institutions. You could easily fall for the
sweet talk and the facts laid on you.

The only way to avoid intellectual bullying is to be informed. You do not

have to know everything, but you should have an idea about everything. When
you are informed, when a person comes to you with some alleged facts, you
will know the validity of the information being given to you, and you can avoid
being swept off your feet based on lies.

8. Magnifying His Problems While Diminishing Yours

People are often doing this, but we rarely consider it to be manipulation,

although it is. This is a trick done in a covert manner in which the manipulator
first pretends to be sorry for whatever you are going through, and will show
some short-lived empathy, in a bid to hide his true intentions. However, in a
minute, the person brings up his challenges and magnifies them to the point that
yours now seem insignificant.

You will identify this trick in use when you see that a person only
remembers his immense challenges when you bring up yours. Instead of
working with you to come up with a solution to yours, the person would instead
bring up their problems, and then start an endless discussion on their issues.
 What this trick does is that it makes you feel and appear foolish for
ringing up your challenges in the first place. It also denies you the sympathy
and helps you crave for your situation. In the end, the manipulator will have
succeeded in making you feel intolerant and like you blow up situations, which
would be fitting for this situation because he has proven that your issues are
only surface issues.

9. Name-Calling

One thing about manipulators is that they think so highly of themselves.

They feel that they are always right, and everyone else is wrong. Most of them
are narcissists. If you dare challenge their authority or opinion, one way they get
back at you is calling you names. If you don’t have tough skin, you will be put
down by the names and forget to challenge erroneous thinking, facts, and ideas
thrown your way. They will call you a fanatic, idiot, troublemaker, extremists
and other titles you would want to distance yourself from. The idea is to rubbish
your intentions and to silence you so that no one will be listening to what you
are saying. One way to silence a manipulator that calls you names is to state
categorically that you take exception from the name-calling.

Other manipulation techniques you need to look out for include:

Conditioning, Stalking, Gossiping, denial, frequent mood swings, spinning the
truth, telling only parts of the story, playing the victim, aggression, flattering,
isolation, feigned empathy and love, lying, sarcasm, minimizing, and others.
 Chapter 5: Mind Control Secrets

Have you ever wondered if mind control can be real? Have you ever had
the desire to manipulate and control other people’s minds? Have you ever
wanted to try these things and see how they really work? Well, you’re in the
right place now.

Let’s begin with saying that of course you can’t completely control your
friends, partners, customers, or whoever you are in touch with to do exactly
what you want, or to transform them in mindless robots. Well, maybe we’ll be
able to do that one day in the future, but not yet. What you can do is subtly
influence them, without them being aware of it.

It’s known that humans are often not in control of their actions, decisions,
and behaviors, even though they believe the opposite is true. For instance, most
of us have the deep belief that we have a stable sense of self that remains
consistent, and that we can predict how we would act in the future. Could we
really be so sure of how we’ll behave in extreme situations? Are we masters of
our state, actions, and behaviors, or are we slaves, subject to others’ control?

Most people would believe that, during a crisis, they could remain calm,
cool, and collected; lead others, behave heroically, or maintain their core beliefs
no matter what happens. Ask yourself: would you still be “you” during the
zombie apocalypse? Would you stick to your moral code? Could you resist
controversial orders from an established authority figure? I’m not sure anyone
could, and here’s why.

The truth is, very few people could accurately predict how they’d act in
extreme situations. To find the reason behind this, we have to look inside your
brain: when you find yourself under heavy pressure or in a stressful situation,
your brain releases a hormone cascade that makes you experience a flight-or-
fight reaction. This physiological reaction helps us survive in dangerous
encounters, but shuts down a lot of higher functioning. This might have been a
great system for surviving a saber-tooth tiger attack, but in our modern world—
where we actually need our higher functioning in dangerous encounters—it’s
not so effective to defend ourselves from others’ control. So, in other words,
when we experience extreme situations, or our survival is threatened, we may
not think clearly or act in typical ways.

To prove this point, two psychological experiments were done in the

1960s and ’70s. The first was a highly controversial study by Stanley Milgram,
a psychologist from Yale University, exploring the phenomenon of obedience.
During this study, volunteers were told that they would be participating in a
learning study. They were seated at a panel with a microphone, a speaker, and a
dial. The experimenter was in the same room, wearing a white lab coat, which is
a traditional symbol of authority (Just think about your doctor, would it feel the
same to you if he wore a tank top and shorts during your visit?). Participants
were told that the “learner” (an actor selected by Milgram) was in another room;
they would be required to ask the “learner” pre-scripted questions using the
microphone, and they would hear the response on the speaker. If the “learner”
gave the wrong answer, the volunteer was directed to administer an electric
shock by setting the voltage on the dial. The dial had labels ranging from mild
all the way through to extremely painful and even fatal. Volunteers were told by
the experimenter to keep giving shocks at increasing intensity, although, they
could hear the learner was in pain—including, of course, simulated screams. If
the volunteer refused to continue, he or she was told to continue by the
“authority” with the following script:

Please continue.
The experiment requires that you continue.
It is absolutely essential that you continue.
You have no other choice, you must go on.
 Here’s the scary part: although they experienced extreme stress, an
astonishing 65% of volunteers administered the lethal shock, and those who
insisted on ending the experiment didn’t ask to check the wellbeing of the
learner. Most volunteers claimed they would never behave this way, but
couldn’t stand up to the “authority.”

The other disturbing study was the Stanford Prison experiment run by
Philip Zimbardo, which showed how people are easily manipulated into
behaving in sadistic and cruel ways. A basement at Stanford University was
modified to look exactly like a real prison, and a group of students volunteered
for the simulation. They were randomly assigned to the role of prisoner or
officer. Originally planned to run for two weeks, the experiment was shut down
after only six days because of the ruthless, vicious behaviour by the officers,
who started behaving in sadistic ways toward the prisoners. Like the Milgram
study, before the experiment, all the participants believed they would have stuck
to their moral code, but found themselves acting in highly unpredictable ways
in only a few days’ time. Some of them developed their roles as officers and
enforced authoritarian measures and subjected the prisoners to psychological
tortures.

During the following years, other experiments have demonstrated that we

tend to agree with a group of people, even though we know that we’re right and
they’re wrong; will slack off when we’re working in a larger group, because we
can get away with it; will often behave out of character as a member of a crowd;
and can be easily manipulated into changing our opinion under certain
conditions, such as authority, scarcity, safety, or comfort. Not only does this
research demonstrate how easily and rapidly we can change our mind, but the
scariest thing is the rationalization that we practice. After the act, most people
will rationalize their behavior, convincing themselves that they actively chose
the action and refusing to acknowledge or believe they were manipulated.
 Not only that…now, it gets scarier. Our perception is limited, which
means a part of what goes on isn’t consciously available, especially, when we
are focused on something else. Two studies demonstrate this phenomenon
clearly. In the first, experimenters asked participants to watch a video of people
passing a basketball: the goal was to notice the number of passes by the players
wearing a white shirt. In the middle of the video, a person in a gorilla suit walks
across the screen. When focusing on the instructions—counting the passes by
the people in white—most people didn’t notice the gorilla running by and
insisted that it wasn’t there. In the second experiment, an experimenter asked
random people for directions on the street. During the interaction, two fellow
experimenters walked between them carrying a door, behind which the original
experimenter was swapped for another person. Most of the time, the person
giving directions didn’t even notice.

It’s not just gross inattention, manipulation, and post-hoc rationalization

that modifies our behavior. You can use the great power of priming to change
people’s actions without any conscious awareness from them. For instance, read
this sentence: “The house is old; it creaked and groaned, struggling on its
foundations.” Now, try standing up. After reading that, did you move slower
than normal? If so, you were primed by these words to think of ‘old age.’ In a
similar way, you can be primed to change your voting preference just based on
the location of the polling booth. You can be primed at the grocery store, where
the most expensive products are located on the shelves at eye level. Researchers
claim all sorts of priming effects; suggesting that we can be manipulated
without any knowledge on our part, knowing we’ll claim that any resulting
behavior was our decision.

You can now understand how these principles have been applied
throughout history. This is not conspiracy theory at work but represents the
innate desire to persuade, and even manipulate, others to achieve our ends. Next
time you see an effective TV ad, meaning you want to buy the product, you can
bet you’ve been manipulated.

A lot of the messaging that successfully “manipulates” works at a level

far removed from our conscious attention, but you should always remember that
disciplined, conscious attention towards your actions allows you to stay in
control. When you notice yourself acting, or feeling persuaded to act, in ways
that aren’t typical, use your new awareness and try to determine which
technique is at play.

Mind Control in Marketing

There are many other books concerning mind control, one above all is Dr.
Robert Cialdini’s Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, that shows clearly
the scientific proof of mind control. In the next pages, I focus especially on one
important topic: marketing. The most important thing in marketing can be
summed up with just one word: YES. If you ask a commercial partner to
promote your product, and he or she says “Yes”; if you ask your customers to
buy your new product, and they say “Yes”; if you ask a blogger for a link, and
he says “Yes,” well, then your blog, activity, business is working in the right
way and you can really succeed.

And the most important thing here is that you can learn how to do that.
Here is a concise guide to mind control. Read it and then use these tips carefully
for your advertising and non-business efforts alike.

1. Don’t let them think for themselves.

Instead, take charge and do the work yourself. The fact is that people
already have too much to think about: job, family, hobbies, friends, children,
dogs, and everything else that completely fill people’s minds. If you give them
something else to think about, they can easily break down or step away from the
offer you present altogether. So, it could be a mistake to ask them to think your
offer over, even if it’s new.

Keep in mind, people usually adjust their focus away from what isn’t
really important to them, or they just don’t think about it very hard. It’s not
laziness or dumbness, but because they are already too busy and overwhelmed,
which makes you as a seller or blogger a pretty low priority.

The first part of this strategy is to not ask them to think, and instead do it
for them. Here are some guidelines:

Explain in a clear way how your offer will help, boost, or sustain your
audience, show examples (the “social proof” discussed earlier) of similar
situations where your product or service worked well.

Have an idea for an event or learning opportunity? Rather than seeking

prep work from your customers, do it for them; plan the event, complementary
web pages, and email campaigns needed. Then, provide them with those
complete products, with everything already working, and ask for their
assistance in finalizing the event.

Online reviews can make or break a product or service. Rather than

waiting for customers to write the reviews you need, provide a handful of clear,
customizable examples and a strategic list of where they could be posted.

Be specific and clear. Explain yourself and show proof. Tell them exactly
what to do step by step and why; and they will be more than happy to tell you
“Yes” for everything you are going to ask them.

2. Start from a little snowball.

A successful marketing campaign always starts from something little, to
then grow bigger and bigger as things go on. To achieve your ideal “Yes,” the
hard part is to obtain the first one. But if you get it from the right person, then
getting all the other “Yeses” will be very easy. It’s like an avalanche, you get a
little snowball going down from the top of the mountain and then it becomes a
huge and powerful wall of snow. Here are some guidelines:

Try to get someone popular, e.g. a blogger or an influencer, to share your

post; however, this is not an easy trip. You may need to practice some
reciprocity first, but if they do it just one time, then many other people may
retweet, like, or share your post with their followers. And the more time passes,
the more it increases.

If you can convince an expert in your field of interest to promote your

product or service, then the people who also follow that expert will want to
know more about it and be likely to share it, as well.

Again, if you can persuade (maybe with some mind control techniques) a
public figure, or a celebrity, to create a testimonial for your product or service,
which is very hard work, then you will see your sales increase so fast you can’t
even imagine and you will find many other testimonials with little effort.

So, don’t be frightened about the hard work you’ll have to do at the
beginning to get people to help you, because after that, you will see that the
road is all downhill and you will begin to see concrete results earlier than you
might have imagined.

3. Ask for a little thing, take a big one.

Have you ever heard the expression “give them an inch, and they will take
a mile”? While it’s usually given as advice, a warning against others’ greed, it
can be great marketing.

If you want to obtain something, don’t jump for the whole thing right
away. Remember the snowball from point #2 and getting that first “Yes.” It’s
the easiest way to get started, and reduces the risk of wasted time or effort.
Then, you can start asking for more (and more, and more) when the results of
your effort reveal themselves.

And it’s not really unethical, or even manipulation, if you think about it.
Why wouldn’t you push for more if things are going well? It’s not
psychological trickery or anything like that; it’s just smart business. No one
likes to risk everything immediately (maybe just some crazy poker players), and
so offering progressive levels of commitment will really increase your chances
of making them say “Yes” without any regret.

4. Establish a real deadline.

As you know, deadlines are important because they create a sense of
urgency. But always remember: the important thing is that the deadline you set
should be real.

How many times has a salesman told you to come back as soon as
possible when he or she sees that you’re not very convinced, maybe telling you
that there are other people coming later and you could lose your opportunity by
not acting now. This happens so many times in our life. People lie to you or
simply pitch you with artificial deadlines, thinking that this will really motivate
you to act. Everyone uses this technique: teachers, bosses, wives and husbands.
It’s very likely you’ve used this technique, too. The takeaway here? Don’t take
this ineffective route.

You should, instead, concentrate on generating real urgency. It’s not hard,
and can be built up with your current marketing plan. For example:

- If you create content, don’t leave free data on your page or blog for
an indeterminate time. Consider employing scarcity here, and say that it will be
available for a limited time, after which, you will start charging a cost for it.
The specific deadline will boost the number of downloads you receive, and
fellow bloggers can boost promotion efforts while your report is still free.
- Rather than waiting for customer testimonials, like we touched on
in point #1, let them know there is a precise timeline to respect, especially, that
they have to come in by a specific date. Don’t think of it as something like a
dictatorship, but as helping them be more serious and respectful of the work you
are doing for them and for yourself.

5. Be generous—give more than you take.

This concept takes us right back to reciprocity, but the takeaway here is
how much you should do. It goes beyond a one-for-one ratio; think ten-to-one.
For example, if you’re going to ask for a link, you should have already given
ten links. If you’re going to ask for a promotion, you should have already given
ten promotions.

Simply, smart marketers don’t resort to a 1:1 ratio; instead, they give ten
and take just one. And that goes beyond action; think about value.

If you’re going to ask for 100 visitors, you should have already sent 1,000
visitors. If you’re going to ask for $1,000 in products or services sales, you
should have already sold $10k of their products and services. This is about
generosity, and it’s a nice way to be sure they always lean closer to “Yes.”

And I know it’s a lot of work to do, but, trust me, it works and it’s worth
it. This is the price of influence, and you will see real results and income.

6. Support a cause beyond your interests.

Standing for something greater than yourself makes people care. And it
can be applied to nearly everything. Rather than write another how-to post, stop
and consider writing about an important issue, something you are really
passionate about and with a strong logic structure. Thinking of starting another
consulting business? You could do something bigger, something that can really
change your customers’ lives, and lead a movement. From there, you could
inspire your customers, take time and write a more important book, about your
philosophy maybe. Include many concrete and big examples, maybe about your
own life, instead of writing another step-by-step manual.

Those are the kind of things that people want to talk, read, or know about.
They will be grateful to you just because you’ve given them the possibility to
help you make the world a better place.

7. Make no room for shame.

A great marketer is the one who takes shamelessness as one of the most
important principles of gaining influence. And I’m not talking about lacking
conscience, or being an extroverted person, or any other stereotype usually
connected to how a marketer works. Simply, several of them are just false.

By shamelessness, I mean the resolute belief that what you are doing will
benefit the world and the determination to do anything to make it real. When
you believe in your products or services, you don’t need to lie about them to sell
them. Because you really know your products or services can help your
customers, and so it becomes a personal duty to share the word, get them to buy,
no matter how.

When you believe in your message, you don’t just publish and then
immediately forget about what you wrote. Instead, you promote your books,
your posts, whatever your content, daily, weekly, or even hourly. You will work
without stopping to share your content to everyone you think needs it to
succeed, and you will refuse to rest until you reach your goal.
 It should not be about money, or glory, or legacy. It’s about really
believing in what you do and say. It’s about being charmed, about being so in
love with what you do and what it can provide. It’s about bringing to life this
beautiful vision you have. It’s about fighting for what you believe in with every
resource you have.

If you really feel this way—well, listen to me—you can achieve nearly
anything.
 Chapter 6: Hypnosis

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear of the term
hypnosis? For many people, the answer is this: a Hollywood film with a terribly
executed scene complete with a hypnotist and his mythical swinging watch.
Across the hypnotist is the poor individual that is about to be sent to some place
in their mind that they have yet to visit in over twenty years. The truth is that in
the real world, hypnosis is less dramatic. In the simplest terms, hypnosis is a
form of manipulation that involves reducing a person’s awareness of their
external surroundings and heightening their inward attention. When an
individual is under hypnosis, they respond to suggestions more favorably
because their critical thinking is impaired. This is why the movies will show a
subject responding unquestioningly to commands from a hypnotist.

There is some science behind hypnosis, and it involves understanding

how the human mind works. The human brain is structured in such a way that
there is the conscious mind that controls critical thinking and the subconscious
mind where memories are stored. The critical mind is what tells you that
crossing a busy road without looking is dangerous and stupid; while the
subconscious mind is likely to tell you that losing weight is difficult because the
memories of the last time you (unsuccessfully) tried losing weight are stored
therein. Hypnosis works by altering the subconscious thoughts you have about
certain things and replacing them with better and more beneficial thoughts.
 Busting the Myths about Hypnosis and Manipulation
It seems almost impossible to imagine that hypnosis is in use in our
everyday lives, but the truth of the matter is that it is. You may not have any
swinging watches thrust in your face, and your eyes might be open all the time
during your waking time, but you are most definitely being hypnotized as you
go about your daily life. How so?

When is the last time you read a really engrossing book that made you
lose track of what was happening around you? While you were in that state of
being fully absorbed in your book, you were essentially hypnotized. The high
chances are that you were not even remotely aware of other people walking past
you and going about their lives. Rather, you were on a train somewhere riding
along with the thoughts and actions of the book’s main character. This is
hypnosis in real life. No hypnotists and no watches-just you and your
subconscious mind taking a trip to an alternate universe.

Self-induced hypnosis is also common in children who often slip into this
state at least several times in a day. This is why you’ll call out to your child
while they are watching their favorite cartoon series without any response. They
are not deliberately ignoring you. They simply cannot hear you because they
have tuned out the conscious mind and world and are existing in a different
world where they are fully attuned to the subconscious. Artists and athletes who
need focused attention to perform excellently in their sport or art often also go
into hypnotic trances during their performances. Many will refer to this trance
as being ‘in the zone.’ What often happens is that the artist’s mind is so focused
on what they are doing that nothing else matters during this period. Writers also
get in the zone as far as the writing process is concerned. When this happens,
you might find the writer transported into the world that they have woven with
their words. Unable or unwilling to leave this world, the writer will churn
thousands of words per day when they have previously been unable to go
beyond a few hundred words thanks to writer’s block.
 When it comes to manipulation and mind control, certain groups and
individuals have mastered effective ways of utilizing hypnosis to their
advantage. For instance, making a lengthy speech and holding a long and
seemingly never-ending seminar both have the effect of sending the audience
into a trance-like state. This may be because of boredom or tiredness or a
combination of both. When an audience is in this state, they are more agreeable
and likely to sign up for whatever it is that you are offering. This is something
that many cult leaders have mastered and would explain why many cult
meetings are often long and dreary. You will rarely find that a cult meeting has
ended in a few minutes. If you conclude a meeting in fifteen minutes, the
attendants’ minds will still be sharp and questioning. But if you go on and on
for hours, they begin to slip out of consciousness unknowingly and will not be
as opposed to your suggestions as they would have been in the first fifteen
minutes.

Another tactic that is used to achieve hypnosis is the presentation of

contradicting information as if it is not contradicting but totally logical. What
does this mean? There is a part of your brain that thinks critically. This part of
the brain is what keeps you alive and out of trouble by helping you process
important information. When this part of the brain is bombarded with
contradictory information without being given sufficient time to process it, it
shuts down. (That is why it is always so important to step back and process
information especially when you feel as if you are being rushed to make a
decision in any situation). When your critical thinking has been bypassed, you
are likely to accept any suggestions given to you even though these would not
be accepted by a normal-thinking person who is in tune with the logical parts of
their mind.
 How to Hypnotize Someone Without Them Knowing
In everyday life, you can use hypnosis to get what you want out of people
without them suspecting what you are up to. A good thing about hypnosis as a
tool of manipulation is that it is subtle and leaves behind no evidence. Unlike
lying where you might get caught up in your lies, hypnosis leaves no traces
behind. Nobody will walk up to you and accuse you of hypnotizing them into
doing something. In the worst-case scenario, you are only going to be accused
of having a way with something.

That Jake, he has a way with the ladies, they will say.
What they don’t know is that you have mastered the art of hypnotizing
ladies into doing exactly as you say.

The first step to successfully hypnotizing a person is to form a connection

with them. Very rarely will you be able to hypnotize a stranger with whom you
share no bond at all. Forming a connection with a person is relatively easy. You
just need to watch your body language and theirs as well, and their facial
expressions and respond appropriately. The whole point of establishing a
connection is to ensure that the other person is open to you and will respond
favorably to your subtle mind control, otherwise known as hypnosis. After
making certain of the existence of some rapport between you and your subject,
make use of any of the following tips to hypnotize them:

Tip #1: Throw them off the familiar

The human mind loves patterns. They are easy to interpret, predictable,
and comforting. Patterns are a big component of the comfort zone and do not
require a whole lot of critical thinking. What are the patterns you have
established in your life, and how do they help you? For many people, patterns
simplify life. Let’s consider a simple pattern that can be interrupted with the
intention of hypnotizing a person. Let’s say you and your spouse have a way of
saying goodbye every morning before work that involves a quick hug and a kiss
on the cheek. One morning, you are feeling particularly philanthropic and
decide to replace your pattern with a tight lingering hug and a full kiss on the
lips. Your spouse’s mind will be thrown into disarray because that is not what
the mind is used to. In the five seconds of confusion that will ensue in your
spouse’s mind, you will have a narrow window for a hypnotic command.

Can you make lasagna today?

Sure, your spouse responds instantly.
On any other day, they would have sat back and considered the work
involved in making lasagna and probably suggested an alternative. On the day
that you throw them off your pattern, they will say yes without thinking too
much because you have essentially short-circuited their conscious mind.

Tip #2: Make use of the Zeigarnik effect

In psychology, the Zeigarnik effect is the concept that people are more
likely to remember incomplete tasks than those which have been completed.
Think about it: if you intend to do your laundry, you are likely to have this
thought lingering in your mind until you actually wash all your dirty clothes and
put them away. Soon after completing your laundry duties, you will no longer
have any interest in remembering anything to do with laundry. The Zeigarnik
effect was named so after a Russian psychologist who investigated the
phenomenon after being inspired by her professor. The professor, one Kurt
Lewin, made the observation that a waiter was able to remember more
accurately the orders that were still unpaid.

In everyday life, the Zeigarnik effect is used in many scenarios. Soap

operas and television series, in particular, are keen to leave their audience
wanting more by ensuring that each episode ends with a cliffhanger. When the
episode ends anticlimactically, your brain stores this in your short-term memory
as an incomplete task. This is why you keep going back to your favorite soap
opera because your mind tells you to finish what you started. As long as the
incompleteness is lingering somewhere in your brain, your attention will be
drawn there.

To hypnotize someone using the Zeigarnik effect, consider telling an

exciting story complete with pauses in between during which you give them
hypnotic commands. This might look something like this:

You will not believe what happened last weekend when I decided to go
hiking with my friends. We were walking up this rather lonely trail when all of
a sudden we [could you please shut the door for me] hear these strange noises
coming from the woods. They sounded like a cross between a coyote and a bear,
and they were getting louder and louder the further we got up the trail. At this
point, of course, we are getting very concerned but [could you also file these
documents for me] we knew that there was no turning back. We were four of us,
and we were prepared to fight whatever it was…
During this storytelling, you can ask your conversation partner to do
pretty much anything that you want without much objection. This is because
their mind is focused on the story that you are telling, and their brain is yearning
for the completion. While they are in this trance-like state, they are your putty
to work with.

Tip #3: Stay ambiguous

Ambiguity keeps your audience guessing. If you want to linger in the

minds of people you interact with long after the conversation has ended, you
must strike a balance between being memorable and staying ambiguous.
Ambiguity keeps the mind wondering: what exactly did he mean when he said
this or that? As long as their mind is wondering, you are in control of the other
person. Ambiguity and vagueness confuse the conscious mind. There are things
that cannot be processed by the conscious mind, and the mystery of ambiguity
is one of them.
 In the world of dating and relationships, ambiguity can serve a
particularly important role in convincing others to go out with or date you.
Many relationship experts will concur that a little mystery serves a long way as
far as keeping things exciting. What most is not explain is why. The reason why
mystery is so exciting is that as long as you have not been fully processed and
understood by a person’s conscious mind, you will always linger in their mind.
You can hypnotize your partner or lover into doing whatever you want them to
do by always ensuring that you are ambiguous and mysterious about one or two
things.

Tip #4: Negative words have more impact

It is often believed that the subconscious mind cannot hear negatives.

Instead, any negatives communicated to the subconscious mind are interpreted
as positives. For example, if you were to tell someone, do not go peeking into
my room when I am away, that person is likely to interpret this subconsciously
as, do go peeking into my room when I am away. This is probably the reason
why there are so many exasperated parents of kids who seem to do the exact
opposite of what they are told not to do.

As such, if you are looking to get someone to do something without being

too direct about it, you can hypnotize their subconscious mind by using
negative wording. Instead of telling your friend:

Please come over and help me pack up for my upcoming relocation.

Consider this:

You do not need to come over to help me pack.

Throughout the course of their day, your friend’s subconscious brain will
be telling her that she needs to help you pack for your move because that is how
the mind interpreted your statement. Of course, whether your friend actually
comes over or not is a question of how much premium she places on your
friendship.
 Tip #5: Effective keywords

Have you noticed how sales copy or advertisements often have this
descriptive wording that gets you imagining all the possibilities presented by a
particular product or service? Certain words hold a particular charm when it
comes to hypnotizing people. For instance, when you tell a person to imagine
something, you are already sending them into a hypnotic trance where they are
attuned to their subconscious mind. When they are in this state, they are more
suggestible and will likely do what you ask of them. If you do not believe this,
go and look up any travel destination advert and have a listen. At the end of it,
you will likely be thinking of booking your next vacation to that destination.

As long as the subconscious mind is imagining something, then it is

getting programmed by that particular thing. This explains why some people are
fearful of the dark--they have imagined the dark to contain bad things, and as
long as that imagination is active, the fear remains real and present. It also
explains why many people are afraid of horror movies. Think about it--there is
nothing scary about horror movies. They are just a bunch of normal people
acting out fake scenes, so why do you feel so afraid? Because your mind has
imagined everything to be real, that’s why.
 Protecting Yourself Against Hypnosis
The occasional self-hypnosis in the form of a captivating book or movie is
always welcome. Once in a while, it helps to escape the harsh reality of
everyday life. What might not be so welcome, however, is the hypnosis brought
on by other sources that you are not too comfortable with. How do you protect
yourself against the hypnosis that exists in your daily life? For a start, it is
important to acknowledge that you really might not be able to escape all the
hypnosis that is present in your life. It would be too big of a war to fight. That
being said, there are certain battles that you can win as far as hypnosis goes.

One of the things that will help you to protect yourself against hypnosis is
to live by principle. Living by principle does not mean being stuck-up or
unrelenting when you should be flexible. It simply means knowing what you
will accept and what you would rather forego, instead of simply going with the
flow. If you are the sort of person that goes with the flow in the name of being
easygoing, you might find that you have drifted too far from the safe shore.
Manipulators who prey on others through hypnosis know to attack those who
are not safely anchored onto something unshakeable. If you are the kind of
person who upon being told to imagine how easier your life will be with
product X rushes to buy product X unquestioningly, you will find yourself with
a whole lot of clutter in your life. Having one or two principles about certain
aspects of your life helps you to make more conscious decisions that are not
influenced by the actions or words of other people.

There’s a wise person that once said that if you go looking for something
you will find it. The reason why so many people are hypnotized in their daily
lives is because they are not even looking for hypnosis so they cannot really
spot it. As long as you are aware of the fact that hypnosis exists, you will be
able to notice it from a mile off and guard yourself consciously against it. You
will notice it when your friend tries to get you to agree to something that you
would ordinarily not agree to, and you will notice it when your cunning
colleague is trying to get a favor from you. Staying conscious of the fact that
there are people out there who are trying their best to take advantage of you will
go a long way in protecting yourself against mind control.

A good thing about life is the free will that is gifted to every human being
living in the civilized world. Free will means that you get to choose what you
allow into your life and what does not get to make it through the gate. In today’s
world, there are numerous channels that are utilized to influence you.
Television, movies, films, the Internet, books, magazines, radio shows, the
music...the list is endless. You are at liberty to choose what you allow in your
life because you can be certain that most of these channels are being used to put
you in a certain state of mind that is advantageous to the channel owners. In
short, you get to decide what gets filtered out of your life. Choose wisely.
 What about Hypnotherapy?
Sometimes, hypnosis is used as a form of treatment for various
conditions. When hypnosis is used this way, it is referred to as hypnotherapy.
Hypnotherapy is essentially mind control where the person being controlled has
given their consent for the same to a clinical psychologist. As with most
alternative forms of treatment, there are divergent views on the efficacy of
hypnotherapy. The fact that there is very limited research on the same does not
do the case for hypnotherapy any good.

Hypnosis as a form of treatment is used to help patients break bad habits

such as bad eating habits, and also in the treatment of addiction, eating
disorders, and even insomnia. Hypnosis is also used in childbirth where
pregnant women are advised to self-hypnotize so that they can prepare
themselves mentally for almost painless childbirth. This is referred to as
hypnobirthing and essentially involves the programming of the subconscious
mind for pain-free labor.
 Chapter 7: Influence Through Seduction

The whole point of seduction is to make someone want you. The motive
is usually to cause someone to become sexually attracted to you. Seduction is
one of the most powerful persuasion techniques because you are persuading
someone to give their entire selves to you. There are multiple seduction tips and
techniques that you can use. No matter who you are or who the person is who
you are trying to seduce, these methods will work. What is ideal about them is
that they do not require much preparation, so you can really start using them
right now.

Choose the Right Person

You can seduce anyone, but you will put in less effort when you choose
wisely. Look for a person who tends to be shy and reserved. They tend to be
more vulnerable and in need of a person’s attention. When you start giving them
attention, it is easy to seduce them to take it to the next level.

Send Mixed Signals

This is a seduction technique that is as old as time. People feel challenged
when they are getting mixed signals. A challenge automatically makes a person
more interested in winning the prize, which in this case is you.

Create a Need
Make it to where the person you are trying to seduce feels like they need
you. You can make this need purely sexual or make it deeper than that. When
you create a need, it creates feeling of discontent and anxiety, both of which are
more likely to make a person keep pursuing you.

False Sense of Security

 When a person feels secure with you, this automatically creates a bond.
This makes it easier to persuade them to give you what you want. This security
is false, but by the time they figure this out, you will have what you have
wanted.

Make Yourself Desirable

People do not like to lose. They do not like seeing other people with a
person they are interested in. Once you hook someone, force them to see you
with other people who also are interested in you. This creates an uneasiness that
forces them to make their move because they will fear that they will lose you.

Create Temptation
No one likes to be tempted to something and then not be able to have it.
This is true for everything from food, to career to romantic relationships. When
you tempt the person, but then stop them once they are on the edge, this
essentially drives them crazy. When a person is in this frame of mind, you can
pretty much get whatever it is that you want.

Utilize Suspense
You want to give them some attention, but not your full attention. Just like
when you create temptation, this is going to put them into a hyper-competitive
state. You are going to be the only person that they think about. Their thoughts
of you are going to filter into all elements of their lives. This is what you want,
because at this stage, you have full control.

Be Mysterious
People love mystery. It draws them in and they want to do everything that
they can to solve it. When you create mystery, you will naturally seduce those
that become curious. The key is to give some information but hold back the
juiciest details. Now, the mystery can be about anything really. However, avoid
talking about an ex since this can have the opposite effect on someone you are
trying to seduce. Other ways to add mystery include good eye contact, putting
the attention back on them when they ask questions, smiling a lot and always
speaking in a neutral tone.

Subtly Make Yourself Stand Out

You do not want it to be obvious that you are trying to get their attention.
Instead, you want it to seem like you stand out just because of who you are. For
example, women can wear red lipstick because this is not uncommon, but it still
makes you stand out. Men can have the same effect with a bright or patterned
tie. The key is to choose one small element that will make you stand out against
the crowd that is relatively natural.

Utilize Scents
Did you know that the scent of a person can be all that it takes to attract
another person? Now, all people have their own preferred scents, so it is a good
idea to get to know a bit about the person and their preferences before you use
this technique. Scent has a subconscious type of influence. It gives people
information about another person without them even realizing it, so it is one of
the subtlest and effective ways to up your seduction progress.

Be Mindful of Your Assets

Physical attraction is obviously a major element when it comes to
seduction. However, you do not want to show off all of the goods because this
can have a negative effect. For example, men with strong arms might wear a
short-sleeved shirt. This way the person they are trying to seduce can see this
asset without it being too obvious that they are trying to show off. Women
might wear a form-fitting dress that hits below the knee and covers the chest
well. In this case, you are covered, but the person you are trying to seduce can
still see your full figure.

Confuse Them
One time you see them, give them all of your attention, but the next, only
give them partial attention. This confusion ups their thinking of you and it
makes you more mysterious and desirable. Just make sure that there is a good
balance here or else you might actually turn the other person off.

Be Bold
Once you are ready to go in for the kill, you want to be bold. You have
already hooked them at this point and they are yours to do with as you please.
So, there is no reason to wait for them to make a move. Just grab the moment
and make it known what you want.
 Chapter 8: Powerful Social Media Persuasion
Techniques

Now we will explore six techniques used by the greatest social media
influencers to persuade people in the virtual world. These techniques can be
absolutely helpful if your purpose is to make your voice, your opinions, or your
ideas heard, repeated, and valued—in other words, if you want your message to
be influential. I’m sure you’ll recognize most of them. In fact, the persuasion
principles are always the same, whether you’re trying to influence offline or
online, but it’s interesting to see how versatile they are.

1. Reciprocation

Basically, the rule of reciprocation says that you should try to repay what
another person has already provided you. If someone does you a favor, you
should find a way to do him or her another one in return. If you receive a
birthday present, for example, you should remember then the other person’s
birthday and give him or her a gift in return. Again, if someone invites you to a
party, you should then invite this person back to one of your parties. At least,
that’s what society has taught us since we were little kids, and we carry this
form of social pressure with us when we grow up.

It can be used in a more positive and constructive way, too, of course. If

you concentrate on initiating reciprocity by providing free value or service to
people in your network, you will then earn far more influence with them. And
not because the gift economy is a new concept in marketing, but because
following the rule of reciprocity is how we are wired as humans; it’s simply
something in our nature.
 2. Commitment and Consistency

You, as I do, probably follow too many people on Instagram. And maybe
you are signed up for RSS feeds or newsletters that just fill your inbox, more
than you can really read daily. Regularly reducing your “following” list or
unsubscribing from newsletters you don’t read would eliminate many of these
distractions; then you could concentrate your effort on what you are really
interested in, and increase your social media signal-to-noise ratio. You should
follow only mentors and people that can motivate you daily, not distract you.

But usually people never perform that list purge or unsubscribe from
unhelpful newsletters. Part of it can be traced back to reciprocation, but a larger
part depends on consistency. You loath to admit that you made a mistake
subscribing or following those people or newsletters.

There is also a positive side; for example, you may have noticed that you
are more likely to comment on a blog or retweet a tweet that you have already
commented on before. This happens especially if you’re now “signed in” to
comment on the blog during future visits.

In applying the principle of consistency, you want to remind people of

their earlier positive commitments through incentives, public display, and an
easy operation to improve their commitment. It works for Amazon Prime, for
example, and especially Amazon’s reviewer system. And it will work for
developing blog comments and a blog community, too.
 3. Social Proof

In daily life, we often determine correct behavior with a method that lots
of people use, and may not realize it: vicarious learning. This type of learning is
based on seeing what other people do, or have been taught is correct, and then
modeling them. Thinking about your own life, how often have you viewed a
behavior as more correct after you see other people doing it first? For example,
if you are at a party with good music but no one is dancing, you would hardly
start dancing on your own. But when someone else at the party, for some
strange and personal reason, starts dancing, it’s more probable that you and the
other guys and girls will start dancing too, in a sort of collective attraction to the
music.

Coming back to social media, this same idea applies. Think about how
impressed you feel when someone else has a ton of blog subscribers, YouTube
views, Twitter and Instagram followers, Facebook likes, or even many good
reviews on Amazon. Yes, you might think that they have used some tricks or
gamed the system (e.g., autofollow and similar), but the initial reaction to the
huge amount of people “around” someone on a social media profile will always
be the same combination of disbelief, amazement, and probably also a bit of
envy.

To combine these ideas, vicarious learning and an unconscious “peer

pressure” of sorts, gives us the concept of “social proof.” Companies and
individuals alike that focus on the positive side of this concept can gain long-
term and loyal customers. Reciprocation even plays a small role through the
creation of value for others. You might be wondering how. Let’s say you’re a
blogger with an interest in publishing looking for more followers. You could
start by offering to write engaging content for guest spots on blogs you already
follow, propose to interview independent authors with a new book, or things
like that. Doing activities like these alone does not provide social proof, it’s
when those bloggers and authors follow your blog in exchange for the content
you created that social proof starts to work on the readers that choose to follow
you after that. But, it also helps you to have a small support network capable of
giving you some retweets and blog comments before seeking out your favorite
bloggers and authors.

And when we talk about social proof, having a good network really
matters. It’s not just about what people do on social media that creates proof,
but it is especially what other people and peers on the same wavelength are
doing in a certain moment.

If you want to build social proof to attract girls, post high quality pictures
in which you’re surrounded by girls while you’re doing outdoor activities or
hanging out with cool friends. Have them like and comment under your
pictures.

The same principle applies if you’re trying to attract new customers for
your business. Have your existing clients comment positively under your posts
and pictures, get a lot of positive, high quality testimonials—both written and in
video format. The more social proof you can display, the better.
 4. Liking

It’s known that we prefer to say yes to people we know and like. Let’s
have a look at the reasons why this happens:

- We like people who are similar to us.

- We like people who compliment us.

- We like things close to our daily life and that are familiar to us.

- Cooperation toward dual efforts inspires enhanced liking.

- An association with both bad or good things influences how people

feel about us.

Of course, these points work for social media as well. The equivalent of
physical attractiveness in the virtual world exists, because we give extra credit
and credence to charmingly designed blogs, pages, videos, pictures, and every
message produced with higher production quality, and also corporations’ pages
showing a better sense of social media practicality and savvy in their home page
design and layout.

Talking about complimenting others, it’s easy to think about a retweet, a

trackback, or a positive comment and see these things as social compliments.
Those are all activities you should participate in being totally sincere, free, and
authentic if you want to employ the principle of liking to your own advantage.

5. Authority

In social media, authority basically focuses on virtual trappings, less than

titles and clothes, as in “real life.” There’s a huge difference between perceived
expertise and real expertise. It means that someone known for blogging about a
certain subject, for example offering an intelligent commentary on a subject,
will probably be perceived as a more trusted expert than a true, but unknown
“non-blogging” expert. So, the first one has a bigger online influence as an
authority, whether this is “built up” or real.

Maybe the shortest measure of authority is the number of people who will
blindly buy or download a suggested resource or service based just on the
authority’s endorsement.

One thing social media seems to spark is a clear understanding that

authority is (or at least, should be) limited to a legitimate and a finite field of
knowledge. So, make an effort to pay attention to people trying to convince you
to buy something just because they have many followers, or positive reviews, or
so on when it’s clear that the field they deal within is not their real field of
expertise.

6. Scarcity

After reciprocity, this is probably the most used tool in social media.
When bloggers, or anyone else dealing with social media, create a membership
or subscription service, a newsletter, a closed group, or other things like these, it
is never for an unlimited number of users or for an unlimited time. It’s normal
to see constructed limits, such as “seats available,” length of time to buy, etc. to
maintain a certain level of scarcity. This way, they can create stable competition
for services and prices, with the possibility of increasing the price and still
selling at the same rate.

In fact, especially in this fast-growing virtual reality, if you’re not using

social media on others, they’re using it on you. Their ways are often subtle and
easy to miss, but I think you’ll be more aware of them after reading this chapter.
And when you’re aware of something, you can defend yourself against it.
 Here are some constructive ways to apply and master the principles of
influence to increase your social media status, and to increase it in the “real
world” as well:

- Focus on creating value and initiating the reciprocity relationship

by giving some gifts to your social media contacts with highly valuable content
for them.

- Compliment your friends, subscribers, and commenters sincerely,

answering them in time and taking care of your community. Pay back
compliments by commenting on their blogs, retweeting their tweets, liking their
comments, and sharing their links. Always stay in touch with them, trying to
reach out to them whenever it’s possible.

- Remember to engage consistently on the social media platforms

you decided to use, and stay away from new social media platforms that you are
not logically able to use. That’s okay; maybe you just don’t have the right
resources (time, ability, etc.) to participate and remain active on them. Practice,
learn by doing, and practice some more. When you become a master of a
platform, you’ll be able to apply what you’ve learned to new platforms, cutting
the learning curve in half.

- Use social proof as reliability signals wherever it is suitable. For

example, show off your number of subscribers (or followers) next to the
subscribe (or follow) button. Start asking for high quality testimonials. Try also
to build up your network by commenting, retweeting, etc.

- Create a professional and inspiring design. It should be endearing,

easy to understand, and easy to navigate, even if it’s a blog or a Facebook page.
Be sure that every element is exactly where your users think it should be. Edit
your pictures to make them appear professional and high quality; a cool app you
can use to easily modify your photos is called Snapseed.
 - When you want to create a scenario that requires an immediate
action, recall the scarcity principle to positively guide their behavior. But be
honest about it. Don’t change dates, times, or prizes at the last moment, and
avoid weird things that might destroy the trust that you have built with a major
effort of persuasion.
 Chapter 9: Neuro-Linguistic Programming

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) utilizes a combination of language,

neurology and programming. It is essentially a pragmatic school of thought.
You will look at what successful people do and then use it to achieve
something. In the case of persuasion, you will look at the behaviors of the most
persuasive people and start to adopt them.

The key elements of this include action, modeling and effective

communication. The premise of NLP is that if a person can understand how a
person did something, they can copy their process and accomplish it too.

This technique was initially created to help people to find success in the
business world. However, since its start in the 1970s, it has been adapted to
work for an array of fields, including helping people to become more
persuasive.

You know people who are naturally more persuasive than others. You also
certainly see people in the media that can easily persuade people to do things.
Of course, marketing and advertising also use NLP to promote their services
and products. So, you see this technique in action daily. People take what works
and use it. Simple as that.

To make NLP work for you and your persuasive abilities, you have to
know what the most persuasive people are doing. Once you learn about the
traits and techniques that persuasive people use, all you have to do is adopt and
model them to put NLP to work.

NLP Models

There are two primary NLP models to know about. The Meta Model is a
set of language patterns or specifying questions that work to expand and
challenge the limits to a person’s “map” of the world. This can be used to help a
person decide what they ultimately want, and it teaches you which questions to
ask to learn more about a situation or a person.

The Milton Model is based on language patterns and it is a type of

hypnotherapy. Milton Erickson’s hypnotic communication methods are use for
this model. The purpose is to maintain or induce a trance, via using language, to
contact the personality’s hidden resources. It helps you to build a rapport with
someone, cultivate unconscious communication and better use words the person
you are talking to will understand and connect to.

Traits of Persuasive People

You do not have to be born naturally persuasive to be successful with it.

Once you know what the best traits for this are, it will be easy to start adopting
them. Once you successfully model them, you will notice it is much easier to
get what you want. The traits include:

• Active listening: You have surely heard about this in any

communication class or seminar you have taken. When you are attempting to
persuade someone to do something, they have to feel as though you have their
attention. When they feel special, per se, it is much easier to get them to do
something. Another element of this is once you can understand where a person
is coming from, it is easier to influence them.

• Effective questions: When you are talking to someone, are you

asking the right questions to learn the information needed to persuade them?
Make sure that your questions are open-ended and putting the other person first.
This gives you a chance to learn more about their personality and how easy they
will be to persuade. You also want to make it seem like what you are asking will
benefit them as much as you. Asking the right questions makes it easier to see
what they view as a benefit.

• Selflessness: Remember that persuasion is half you and half the

person you are trying to persuade. If you put all of the focus on you, the other
person no longer feels special and when this feeling disappears, so does your
control over them. You want to spend the majority of the conversation on the
other person. Then, you can easily add in some information about how your
proposal will benefit them. By the end of the conversation, once you ask for
something, they are influenced to do it.

• Empathy: If someone thinks that you care, they are more likely to
help you with things. This is another way to use people’s emotions as a way to
persuade them to do something. To be effective at using empathy, just make
sure it comes across as genuine or else it can backfire on you.

• Positivity: People are naturally attracted to positive people. When

you give off positive energy, it is infectious, and people want more of it. They
will naturally do what you want just to be in your positive presence. You see
this used in sales all the time. The salespeople who are positive and upbeat are
the most successful.

• Confidence: It is true that people are going to respond more to a

confident person. This is true even if your competence level is low. When you
are confident, you can ask for things and get them without ever having to get
aggressive.

• Compromise: As long as you appear willing to compromise, it is

easy to get what you want. You want to pick and choose when to do this. For
example, stand your ground on the big things, but compromise on something
small. The fact that you compromised at all will stick in the person’s mind,
making them easier to persuade.
 • Authenticity: As long as you appear authentic, people will listen to
you and trust every word. When someone trusts you, they are going to want
your approval and getting your approval means allowing you to persuade them
to do things.

Top NLP Techniques of Persuasive People

All of the techniques that will be discussed here come from an NLP
perspective and that is why they are so effective. These include:

• Embedded commands: When you make it impossible to say “no”

while remaining polite, you can convince people to do what you want every
time. For example, do not ask a person if they want to go to dinner. Ask them
where they want to go. With the first question, they can say “no,” but with the
second, they feel like you are wanting their opinion, so they feel compelled to
have dinner with you.

• Choice restriction: You want to restrict choice without it being

obvious that you are doing so. For example, instead of asking a person the type
of wine they would like, ask them “red or white?”. The second question will
restrict them to either white or red. Then, you will ultimately get to choose the
wine based on the color that they chose. They will not realize that you
essentially persuaded them to allow you to choose which wine the two of you
are going to drink.

• I could, but rather not: This is a technique you have certainly used
in the past and it has likely been used on you. An example would be saying
something, such as “I can drive if you want me to.” At this point, you are saying
you can drive, but the last part of the sentence opens the door for the other
person to volunteer because you really do not want to drive. In most cases, the
other person will volunteer to drive not even realizing that you wanted that
exact outcome.

• And vs. but: You have no idea how powerful “but” can be until you
are starting to enhance your persuasion skills. This word can easily change
opinions and you can fully use this to your advantage. For example, if you want
someone to take you somewhere, but they are tired, you could frame it in the
following way: “I know you are tired but going to this movie will be so much
fun and everyone has seen it.” The second part of the sentence after the “but”
makes them feel obligated since the movie is trendy and fun.

• What they really want: This is not only a type of NLP persuasion
technique, but also a form of hypnotism. Make sure that when you ask what a
person wants that you make it open. For example, ask which car they would
want if money was not a factor. You can use this same approach for just about
anything. Once you get their true needs and wants, you can use these to your
advantage to persuade the other person to do something. For example, if you
want to take a vacation with your significant other, ask where they would go if
there were no restrictions. Once they answer, use this to present your idea.
 Chapter 10: Learn From Mistakes

I keep promising that I will not make a mistake, such as leaving a tap
running, only to find that I have done the same thing the next time I turn
on a tap. I am confident that I am not alone, and many of us keep repeating
our mistakes from time to time.

As you may have realized by now, repeating mistakes can be quite an

expensive affair. In my case, it blows the water bill through the roof and makes
those living with me unhappy, which is to say that the mistake takes away the
joy in my home. Mistakes could cost you the relationships that surround you,
cause people to lose faith in you, or cost you grand opportunities like
scholarships. The good news, however, is that you can pick up lessons to help
you avoid the same trouble in the future.

Below are the ways through which you could learn from your mistakes:

Acknowledge the Errors

Most times, when people apologize, they tell others, “I am sorry you feel
that way,” or “Too bad things did not work out as you had hoped.” However,
statements like these disguise blame and minimize the individual’s contribution
to the mistake that happened, and this is not helpful to anyone.
 Before you can derive lessons from your mistakes, you must first
acknowledge that the mistakes happened and accept the role that you played.

Reflect on The Mistakes

Although it may be uncomfortable to dwell on the mistakes, it is

important that you reflect on them to understand the situation better. Ask
yourself what went wrong, how you should have handled the situation, what
you could do to change the results presented with the same circumstances, and
the lessons you derived from your experience.

Put down all this information because as you do it, you will gain better
clarity of the situation. You will also think better about what should have been
done so that you can come up with better strategies you can use to handle a
similar situation.
 Have A Plan

It is no use dissecting events and drawing lessons from them if you are
not going to use the knowledge you gained to help you in the future. The
essence of remembering the past is to equip you so that you can handle the
circumstances in the future. Therefore, come up with a plan that will keep you
from making similar mistakes. Let the plan be with as much detail as you can.
However, be flexible in your mind, knowing that circumstances could change
quickly, and you would need to think quickly on your feet.

If you can find an accountability partner to help track your progress, take
up his help. If you can’t, use your calendar by marking on it the days by when
you should have made certain progress.

Put Stronger Barriers

This time, you are going to have to make it harder for you to make
mistakes. Your willpower and your resolve to avoid the mistakes are not enough
guardrails because you are likely to go over those when you need instant
gratification. You need extra protection to make messing up harder.

For example, if hanging out with a group of people causes you to do the
wrong things, try deleting their phone numbers and avoid the route they usually
use. If you physically or emotionally abuse your woman whenever you two
argue, consider walking out to take a walk whenever a situation gets heated up,
and you want to start lashing out.

Have Strong Reasons Why You Do Not Desire to Repeat the

Mistakes

Your will and desire not to repeat doing something are not enough to keep
you from doing something, from indulging in things that you shouldn’t. Come
up with several fundamental reasons why you need to stay on track even when
faced with the hardest temptations.

For example, if you want to stop using drugs to be a good example to

your children, carry with you a picture of them everywhere you go so that
whenever the urge comes up, you will look at your children and remember the
reason for which you must remain sober.

The more you are able to put restrains, the easier it will be for your will to
get stronger. Your mental strength will increase.

Move Forward with The Knowledge You Have Gained

Use the knowledge you have gained from previous mistakes and practice
the self-restraint you have learned in other issues and spheres of life. Use your
experience to teach you how to take up good behavior and shun evil habits.

Lessons You Are Likely to Learn from Your Mistakes

 After reflection and thinking, here are a number of lessons you might
learn from your mistakes.

7. You Don’t Know Everything

People who think that they know everything often make the most
grievous mistakes. People call them idiots. Every time you fail to listen to
others who are smarter than you or when you know to do better, but you go
ahead and do what you ought not to do, you are an idiot.

Idiots need to understand that life is not about impressing others and
displaying their huge egos. To be anything in life, you are going to have to work
well with others, and doing so will require that you have the right attitude, one
that is borne out of being humble. People who refuse to humble themselves, life
humbles them, and it often isn’t a pretty sight,

You Might Not Be as Impressive as You Thought

In life, you will realize that there is someone smarter, stronger, cooler and
much better looking than you. I can promise you that. Therefore, stop going
around, thinking that you are the best. Do not compare yourself to other people;
be you and work on yourself.
 No One Is Responsible for Your Happiness

Although people may be taking care of you, they are not responsible for
your happiness. Your parents, foster parents, siblings, coworkers and other
people in your life are not responsible for you. You are already grown, and you
need to take responsibility for who you are, how you feel, and how you turn out.
Whenever you are not happy with your life, do something about it rather than
pouting and blaming others for how your life is.

Avoid the Company of Losers

Some people are not interested in getting the same things you want to get
out of life. Some are only living life as it comes, with no particular vision or
drive. People like these are losers. They may be good buddies, to some degree,
but they are the wrong company to keep. Surround yourself with people who
are walking the path you are walking so that you can help each other on the
way. People who do not have a sense of direction will only delay and possibly
cut off your progress.

It Is More Pleasurable to Go the Long Hard Way

Many people tend to avoid the long way and take short cuts; no many
choose to do the hard things. For example, some would rather cheat and swindle
others rather than find a job. Others take pills to lose weight rather than work
out and improve their diet. These people do not realize that the hard things are
the ones that bring more returns to your life. In addition, when you successfully
do hard things, it brings a lot of pride and satisfaction to you. It produces a
sense of accomplishment that cannot be found when living the easy life.
 It's More Peaceful to Be Alone

One thing that requires maturity for individuals to realize is that your
company alone is enough. You do not need someone else to enjoy yourself and
be happy. Of course, you must interact with others in the course of your day, but
you must not need them to avoid feeling lonely. If you cannot bear to be alone,
that is a dangerous sign.

Time alone gives you time to think and reflect on yourself. It helps to
bring out the strong independent person that does not need the opinions and
validation of others to live.

There Rarely Is Enough Time

When young, in your teens, there seems to be an endless supply of time.

You feel that you can do anything, and still, have time to make up for the
mistakes you make. However, as you grow older, you realize how limited time
is. You realize that there is no time to lose hanging out with the wrong
company, working at a job that makes you miserable, postponing your
happiness, and doing a whole bunch of things that make you happy. You will
want to spend your time more wisely, more productively, doing things that are
of benefit to yourself and others.
 Chapter 11: Covert Emotional Manipulation

Today, the greatest battles are not fought on battlefields, but in our minds
and hearts!

And one of the biggest and strongest reasons for an inner battle is
psychological manipulation. The biggest problem with psychological
manipulation is not only the fact that we are often not prepared to deal with it
but also the way we respond to it. And then, our greatest enemy, beyond the
manipulator/oppressor, will become ourselves!
One of the main characteristics of psychological manipulation is that the
manipulator (who can be a father, a mother, a brother or sister, a romantic
partner, or a friend) exercises great control and power over us. And in that
instant, our life becomes a real hell and we live in tremendous anguish.
However, it is crucial to know that we are not, and should not be,
impotent in this situation and that there are various ways of combating these
techniques of psychological manipulation.
The first step is to achieve consciousness, that is, to become aware of
these techniques. Take a closer look and learn more objectively how your
handlers "work" so you can protect yourself in the future. There are several
Manipulation Techniques. See some of them below:

Psychological Manipulation Technique 1: Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail is one of the oldest and most used manipulation
techniques employed by human beings. But how does this work exactly?

Many people succumb to this trick because they feel they have no choice.
At this point, phrases such as "If you really cared about me, you would do this
for me" are very common and make the manipulated person feel "forced" to
make decisions that they do not really want. The target will make them anyway
just to please the person who manipulates.

To avoid this manipulation technique you will have to develop a strong

sense of your own self, and this involves knowing who you are, what your
responsibilities are towards others, and who your true friends are. Usually,
manipulative and blackmailing people tend to stay away from people with
strong and solid personalities. Always remember: you always have a choice and
it is you who decides what you do with your life and how you want to react to
the world.

Psychological Manipulation Technique 2: Focus on Negative Aspects

Some people like to put a "brake" on another’s ideas and brilliant projects
by emphasizing everything that could go wrong with them. These people often
push him to doubt his projects and all the good things they would bring if they
were put into practice. And at these times, the manipulators offer an endless list
of questions that will only serve to create and raise doubts in their target’s mind
and heart.

For example, if you are telling someone you are thinking of traveling
somewhere for a month to relax or go on vacation, and if for some reason that
person does not feel comfortable with the idea, they will probably react to your
news by talking about the immense travel hazards and the endless number of
negative things that can be expected at the airport, etc., etc.

At such times, if there is no apparent reason for such a reaction from the
other person. If you are comfortable with your decision, bearing in mind that it
will not harm you or others, choose not to listen to them and follow through
with what you have decided.
 Do not be overly swayed by this negative thinking pattern because if we
think about something a lot, we attract it. That is, if you put it in your head that
something bad will happen and focus on it excessively, it is very likely to
happen because the thought has life and is a great magnet.

Psychological Manipulation Technique 3: Teenage Rebellion

Unfortunately, sometimes the manipulative person adopts a childlike
attitude as a response to his decision, or something you have said to him.

For example, you want to leave your home and live independently. At
first, it may even seem like everyone is happy and comfortable with your
decision. But with the passage of time, as soon as you start looking for the
perfect apartment, things start happening one after another. Some kind of
personal crisis occurs in the family, your mother or father suddenly (re) starts
smoking, etc. These are adult people, but they adopt the behavior of a teenager
and rebel against the idea.

The easiest way to deal with this is to make them see that their efforts in
trying to make you give up are worthless and that you will go ahead with your
decision.

At first, it can be very difficult and hard for you, especially if you have
been exposed to this type of psychological manipulation for a long time. But as
time goes by, it will become much easier and you will see that even the people
who manipulate you will come to respect you much more.

Psychological manipulation can be done throughout life, but always

remember that you have the power to break this vicious cycle and above all,
remember that only one person can change your life: You!

Love and life together can be sources of well-being, pleasure, and support
or a dead end in which you feel suffocated and as if you are in the dark. The
worst is that in many cases, these can be combined in a single day. Both feelings
and problems begin when the relationship shifts rapidly and you find yourself
immersed in a constant storm of feelings. This mainly happens to those who do
not know how to escape such situations.

Many people are immersed in insane and toxic relationships in which they
suffer psychological abuse of various kinds. They receive continuous damage to
their integrity and their honor and levels of disrespect that when seen or heard
from outside seem crazy, but to the person who is now accustomed to suffering,
does not even produce a minimal reaction in their daily lives.

Love is not an excuse to hide the emotional pain that another person can
cause us, and it is our responsibility to ourselves to learn how to defend our
rights and enforce them. Beyond your own insecurity, the parental patterns that
you picked up in your childhood, and all the mechanisms of self-deception that
you are capable of activating so as not to see reality, at the bottom of your
being, you know how to differentiate what is right and what hurts you. That
said, sometimes we need someone to tell us in a neutral and unbiased way that
we have the right not to put up with what we know we do not deserve. Next, I
present a list of the main techniques of manipulation in unhealthy couples.
Manipulation to maintain social control: This technique usually begins in
a very subtle way. The couple criticizes friends, family, work colleagues and
anyone in your social circle until they can completely annul the other's social
network in such a way that the only source of effort and social support is the
couple. This is manifested through jealousy: "If you really love me, you would
prefer me over your friends" etc.
Emotional blackmail: This mechanism is famous for being used between
pairs of individuals. It is also widely used by almost everyone and you likely
know it very well. It is about using phrases to handle guilt and repentance as a
tactic to get something or as an impediment so that the other does not do
something or does not abandon the manipulator. The manipulative person
usually uses phrases like: "If you do that, it means you don’t love me", "I do not
want you to suffer, I would never do that to you", "I want the best for you, even
if you let me destroy my life", "If you let me die", etc.
Mental manipulation techniques: These are the most creative and there are
many types. The manipulator frequently attempts to put the other person into
some type of debt to them or does things that have a lot of intensity so that the
victim feels a commitment to that person. These phrases help explain the main
idea and are things the manipulator will often say: “Only someone who loves
you very much will do this for you”, “No one will love you like me”, etc. It is
also a manipulation technique to mentally "vaccinate" the other person to things
people in their environment might say by mentioning things like: "Your family
hates me, but they do not know what love is", "They will speak ill of me, they
will tell you that this relationship does not work”, or “It's convenient, but I love
you like nobody else", etc. These phrases echo in the head of the manipulated
person and confuse and influence their behavior.

Intermittent reinforcement guidelines: This manipulation technique is

designed to get the couple to overestimate the pleasant moments that the other-
the one who manipulates-offers. For this, what he does-whether consciously or
unconsciously-is to have arguments and fights over small things so that
afterward, there is reconciliation and more intensity is created in the
relationship. This technique is very addictive because of the pleasant stimuli,
reconciliation, that appears after the unpleasant stimuli. This is as addictive to
our brain as one of those slot machines because the couple is totally
unpredictable and the person ends up living in a world of fights waiting for each
reconciliation. The person usually thinks "I suffer, but I know that everything is
going to be fixed".

In the psychology of learning, we call it "intermittent reinforcement

patterns", it is a simple mechanism: Fight-suffering-tears / reconciliation-
passionate love-sex- and start again for a new fight. Periods of peace and
"Honeymoons" start becoming less and less frequent and become shorter in
duration. This mechanism is so powerful that if the person leaves the
relationship, he will miss it and it will create self-esteem problems. It is also
difficult for the abandoned person to forget the other. The addiction is
established when the subject continues to play despite losing because he has the
memory in his head that he once won, so he will continue to insist on
continuing even though the prizes are minimal compared to the effort to "play".

Techniques designed to reduce self-esteem: This type of technique usually

appears once the social network of the other person has been damaged and now
the couple is the main or only support system the person has. It is usually based
on insulting, criticizing, ridiculing, weaving a network of lies before third
parties about that person, giving no rewards to things and initiatives that the
other has by discounting their importance, diminishing their merits or pleasing
actions, and focusing conversations on everything that person does wrong or
lacks. The most common are phrases like “I would be better off without you”
and "Without me you are nobody".
 Another very frequent way to diminish self-esteem is to make the other
person feel guilty by using criticism and shame with phrases like "I did not
expect that from you", etc. The manipulator may also adopt an active role in the
victim’s life, making decisions for them or taking care of many activities that
require effort. This causes the victim’s coping mechanisms for facing life to be
less and less effective because they get used to the comfort of being with
someone who does things for them and solves problems. This technique can
cause the person to feel that they must depend on the other person in some
important aspect or even for less important things such as making purchases,
making food, keeping household accounts, etc

Stereotyped Roles: This technique is based on playing specific characters

within the couple. The most frequent within the couple is usually: The role of
the savior, victim, or persecutor. The person with the role of the victim usually
manipulates with expressions of jealousy, crying, and stimulation of emotions
of grief in the other person. The role of the savior is the person who seeks in the
couple someone to protect, seeking recognition for it. The persecutor is usually
vigilant, critical, and points out all the mistakes of the other person.

Self-destructive acts: This manipulation mechanism consists of anything

that a subject does that cause physical or psychological damage to themselves.
The aim is to produce in another person a feeling of guilt, grief, and emotional
blackmail. It can also be breaking a material object in the victim's presence,
self-coupling, or doing it in front of another person who knows the victim so
that it reaches their ears. These self-destructive behaviors create strong feelings
of guilt and make it difficult for the person to disassociate from the
manipulative partner. The manipulator may even say things like: "If you leave, I
will kill myself."
 Compulsive acts aimed at revenge and the creation of fear: This consists
of doing things that the person knows will hurt the other to continue emotional
intensity. This mechanism is also aimed at keeping the relationship together
because it generates strong feelings of fear of possible reprisals or negative
consequences of deciding to leave the couple.

These are some of the main techniques used in unhealthy relationships to

maintain control in the other person. In spite of living in a continuous battle and
suffering, such relationships usually last for years before they are perceived as
harmful enough to warrant leaving, even though the two parties that make up
the couple usually suffer very intensely.

If you have identified with the behaviors discussed above, surely you
have suffered psychological abuse and may even use that same pattern on your
partner. People are like mirrors, we reflect everything that surrounds us and it is
common that in this type of unhealthy relationship both parties are exercising
some kind of manipulation.

It is not about looking for the guilty party or attempting to demonize the
other. In a relationship, all the participants contribute to the result and end up
feeling the consequences in one way or another. In an unhealthy relationship,
nobody wins or is better than the other and in most cases, people simply do the
only thing they know how to do and project their own problems on the other
person. Therefore, understanding the dynamics of the couple is one of the most
important means we have for personal development. Finally, we each have an
important lesson to learn about ourselves; if we are able to discover it before the
link is completely broken and if both are open to change, it would be possible to
perform couples therapy. Although in most cases, emotional breakdowns are so
painful and the destruction in different areas of the lives of the people involved
in the relationship is so extensive that ending the relationship is more likely.
Reconciliation is often seen as difficult as there is a need to invest in a personal
change to continue with that partner.
 Between the banks of pain and pleasure flows the river of life. Only when
the mind refuses to flow with life and stagnates on the banks does it become a
problem. Flow means acceptance, letting come what comes, letting go what is
meant to go.

Persuasion is never without moral implications but in dark persuasion

moral implications are just not the determining factor. There are many other
factors which are more important than being morally correct. The smartest thing
about a dark persuader is that in their circle they would be the most selfish
person but would show and seem that they are least selfish. They would get
exactly what they get, without the other person knowing or even realizing.

The other thing that a dark persuader does is knowing about the weakness
of others. This helps them in extracting words, presents, and gifts which they
can take or give according to their advantage and situation. For example, if an
employer knows that he has illegal immigrants working in his company, he can
always lower his wages as per his choice as they know that they cannot work
anywhere else in the country.

Dark persuasion can vary from small to very large scale, such as a kid
asking his elder brother for all the ice cream he has to a leader trying to ask for
help in war to defeat another country. So, to determine dark persuasion it is
always vital to understand the different personalities and their circumstances.

Covert manipulation is even worse than manipulation, in this, the

manipulator tries to use the emotional vulnerability to their benefit. They would
strive to their best so that they can know about your goals, strengths,
weaknesses, fear, family, etc. So that they can use all of these factors to make
you feel low and weak. It is said to be underhanded methods of control. It
operates under your level of conscious awareness. The bad part of it is that the
victim is not even aware that they are being manipulated, that is the reason it
becomes prime for you to know about the manipulation games that these people
use, which we will discuss later.

Covert manipulation is very dangerous as it is so subtle and underhanded

that it takes a long time before you can make out that you were being
manipulated. According to research, it was also found that there are few
manipulators with such sharp skills that they are called puppet masters, you
would without even knowing become their puppets, so it is important for you to
know their signs so that you can take the actions accordingly. They would make
you feel that you are doing according to your own wish but the truth is that you
do that only what they ask you to do.

Sometimes you might feel that something is wrong but you would not be
able to analyze that someone is trying to manipulate you. In covert manipulation
first thing which is prime is that you should ask yourself if you are being
manipulated? As covert manipulation is adverse and has a negative effect on us,
so it would be easier for you to understand that you are being manipulated.

It is significant for you to understand a few characteristics of a covert

manipulator, so it becomes really easy for you to spot them if they are around
you-

Lying- They would lie straight in your eyes and you would not even get to
know that they are lying. They would tell you twisted truth or half-truth which
you might or might not get to know later. If you ever have any doubts on the
other person about the truth, you should always double-check the information
so that it does not hamper your relationship or work.

Backhanded compliments- This is something they are best at. Covert

manipulators are great in giving backhanded compliments. They would give
compliments as you did it in a great way although you are so weak and low in
confidence, still, you handled it well. You cooked so well, although you do not
cook for me often. These compliments make you feel even more embarrassed
and awkward, where you do not even know how to react. In such cases, the best
thing is to ignore or giving them the taste of their own medicine by replying in
the same way.

Mirroring- The coincidences would be extravagant. They would agree to

all your points, likes, dislikes, taste, color, etc just to impress you or to be with
you. When they want to take benefit from you they would agree to all your
things and choices. Once they get what they wanted everything would change.
You would feel that the person has fully switched. So, you should always
beware of the person who agrees to whatever you say without keeping their
point of you, it straight away means that they are trying to be manipulative.

Rationalization- This is something many people would do to cover their

lies or fault. They would cook new stories to cover their flaws such as the
reason why you did not tell that you had a girlfriend before me, the reason they
would give you would be like I did not want to lose you by telling this or I did
not know how you would react after listening to this, etc. Thu they would have
answers for all the lies, so make sure that you know and follow your gut feel to
analyze if he is saying right or just faking it.

Hurried Intimacy- This is a very alarming sign of a covert manipulator.

They would very quickly tell you about their goals, achievements, passion and
past and what ask you the same things. Once you open up with them, they
would use this information to control and manipulate you. Therefore, you
should always be wise enough to understand when to share the information and
how much information to share. They would be very quick in proposing for
marriage and talking about the future but you need to be careful before telling
your weaknesses.

Playing the victim- This is another thing they do to gain your sympathy.
Just to gain your love and attention they would lie to you to any extent. They
might say that their childhood was very bad as the parents were not good, etc.
Just to get more love and care from you. They might make any stories for your
love and care, so always know the past first before you get so much involved.
 Silent Treatment- Leaving room or house for a couple of hours, would not
engage in any activity, etc. They also hide behaviors or start avoiding you so
that you realize it is your mistake or you start the conversation. They keep the
concerns unspoken within them which is a dangerous sign too.

Belittling- They do react weird such as rolling the eyes, scoffing,

mocking, teasing, etc. They do not even respect others point of view or abilities,
and they always want another person to feel low and always try to demean
them. You should always maintain a distance with such covert people who are
jealous of your success and feel bad seeing you rise.

Word Play- A covert manipulator very well knows what you want to hear
and would please your ears by saying that. They know how to put a convincing
statement, paint the picture well and also to induce an emotional reaction in
front of you. Not only this, they are great it talking double meaning things, they
would mean something else but say it in a different context. For example, please
marry me I will change your life. This can be in any aspect positive or negative.
So be precise and clear while talking to a covert manipulator.

Finance controller- Covet manipulator not only restrict by playing with

your emotions they are also good in controlling and gaming with your finances
too. For example, accessing your account but denying access to their account,
taking things on loan in joint names without even asking you, running up debts,
borrowing and not paying, etc. These are very tricky things which you should
be careful about and take a step in time before they make your account nil.

These were the few characteristics of a covert manipulator which you

should be diligent about so that nobody can take advantage of you or humiliate
you.
 Conclusion

Understanding subliminal persuasion will grant you subtlety and provide

that edge you need to give them the idea without them even knowing it wasn’t
theirs. Practice some cold reading to surprise and learn even more about a
person so you can get whatever you desire. Whether as a parlor trick to get
some extra money, or to obtain information. Don’t forget the knowledge of
analyzing people, as it will ensure you’ll achieve your goals. Remember the
rules of persuasion, which is to remember to observe and appear trustworthy.
Without reading body language and behavior at least, you won’t be as
successful in persuasion with the rest of the knowledge you’ve gained.

Within this book, you were guided through several different concepts.
You learned all about emotions, empathy, and body language. Remember all of
the body language you were taught — out of everything within this book, that
may be one of the best skills to foster and develop. You learned of several
different ways people can control, influence, and persuade other people to do
what they want or need. You learned all about how people prefer to interact
with others, as well as how to genuinely and naturally develop the sort of
persuasion and influence that so many people desire. You were also taught how
to develop several social skills that are of the utmost importance if you wish to
be successful.

Ultimately, the information within this book should guide your own
behaviors. Let this allow you to go through your life, informed and aware of
how your own behaviors influence others. Watch the body language of those
around you and see how easily they can be swayed by your own behaviors.
Learn from the skills of negotiation in order to make sure that you are able to
get what you want while still giving back to others. Remember how to keep
your interactions with those around you ethical, even if you understand how to
take over and manipulate them into obedience to do whatever it is you are
seeking.

You can use the information you were provided for good. You can use it
to better your relationships, your career, and your social life. If you understand
how people interact with others, you can ensure that you are interacting
positively. You can make every interaction with other people positive and
fulfilling for everyone involved. Above all, you can develop the skills you need
to naturally develop and earn your own sort of leadership skills. People will
naturally seek to follow you if you develop your emotional intelligence. People
will naturally seek to follow you and listen to you if you have advanced social
skills. You can use all of that to your advantage to ensure that both you and
those around you are happy with life. Use your enlightenment and knowledge
for good, and go out there, armed with the knowledge you need to persuade
others, both for your own benefit and for theirs.
 CHAPTER BONUS
What Is Empathy

To absolutely understand the Empath we first begin with the Empathy,

because Empathy provides the basics signs and symptoms which an Empath
possessed and experience whole life.

Empathy

The English phrase Empathy is derived from the historical Greek word
ἐμπάθεια (Empatheia, that means "bodily affection or passion"). It, in effect,
stems from both (en, "out, at") and (pathos, "ardor" and "suffering")
respectively.

Alexithymia is a word used to explain a deficiency in expertise,

processing or describing feelings in oneself, in preference to others. This time
period comes from the mixture of two historic Greek phrases: ἀλέξω (alekso,
that means "push away, repel, or protect") and θυμός (thymos, which means "
The heart, the center of conscience, thinking and awareness. "As a result,
alexithymia" push away the emotions.

Empathy, derived from the Greek word Empatheia, this means that ''ardor
or country of emotion'', is the ability to feel what others are feeling. It's
extremely a crucial part of human interaction that is regrettably missing in some
human beings. While that lack is extreme, intense problems may be the end
result. Empathy is the ability to share or understand other people's feelings. It is
far from being a multi-component group, each of which is connected with its
own brain family. There are 3 ways of looking at Empathy.

Some other manner to recognize Empathy is to differentiate it from other

related constructs. As an example, Empathy entails self-cognizance, as well as
the difference between the self and the opposite. In that feel, it's far specific
from mimicry, or imitation.

Many animals may display signs of mimicry or emotional contagion to

every other animal in ache. However, without a few levels of self-awareness,
and difference among the self and the opposite, it is not Empathy in a strict feel.
Empathy is likewise extraordinary from sympathy, which entails feeling a
problem for the struggling of some other man or woman and a choice to help.

That stated, Empathy isn't always a completely unique human enjoy. It's
been observed in many non-human primates and even rats.

People frequently say psychopaths lack Empathy but this isn't continually
the case. In fact, Psychopathy is enabled by the right cognitive Empathic skills -
you need to apprehend what your sufferer is feeling when you are torturing
them. What psychopaths generally lack is sympathy. They recognize the
opposite character is suffering however they simply don’t care.

Studies have additionally shown people with psychopathic tendencies are

frequently excellent at regulating their emotions.
 Types Of Empathy

There also are, but, unique kinds of Empathy that have been defined via
psychologists. Those are cognitive, emotional and compassionate Empathy
 Cognitive Empathy

It's far a beneficial ability, especially in negotiations for instance, or for

managers. It permits you to put yourself in someone else’s footwear, but without
necessarily engaging with their feelings. It does no longer, however, actually
match with the definition of Empathy as ‘feeling with’, being a much greater
rational and logical technique.

Efficiently, cognitive Empathy is ‘Empathy through thought’, rather than

with the aid of feeling.
 Emotional Empathy

Emotional Empathy is whilst you quite actually experience the opposite

person’s feelings alongside them, as in case you had ‘stuck’ the emotions.

Emotional Empathy is likewise called ‘non-public misery’ or ‘emotional

contagion’. This is closer to the same old knowledge of the phrase ‘Empathy’,
however greater emotional.

Emotional Empathy might be the first kind of Empathy that many people
feel as youngsters. It can be visible when a mother smiles at her infant, and the
child ‘catches’ her emotion and smiles returned. Less fortunately, possibly, a
baby will frequently begin to cry if she or he hears every other toddler crying.
 Emotional Empathy Can Be Both Good And Bad

Emotional Empathy is right as it method that we can conveniently

apprehend and feel other humans' feelings. This is essential for those in caring
professions, including docs and nurses, on the way to respond to their sufferers
correctly. It is also way that we will reply to friends and others when they are
distressed.

Emotional Empathy is terrible, because it's extremely possible to grow to

be overwhelmed by way of those emotions, and therefore unable to reply. That
is known as Empathy overload and is defined in greater element in our web
page on understanding others. Properly strength will help doctors and nurses to
keep away from viable burnout from Empathizing too much. There may be a
threat, however, that they can turn out to be ‘hardened’ and now not respond
correctly. There were several latest cases in the UK, which include in South
Staffordshire, in which nurses and others had been accused of being uncaring.
This may be a probable result of over-protection against Empathy overload.
 Compassionate Empathy

Sooner or later, compassionate Empathy is what we commonly apprehend

with the aid of Empathy: feeling a person’s pain, and taking movement to assist.

The call, compassionate Empathy, is constant with what we typically

apprehend by using compassion. Like sympathy, compassion is a ready feeling
difficulty for someone, however with an additional flow closer to movement to
mitigate the trouble.

Compassionate Empathy in the form of Empathy is usually maximum

suitable.

As a standard rule, folks who want or need your Empathy don’t just need
you to apprehend (cognitive Empathy), and that they simply don’t need you just
to experience their ache or, worse with the emotional Empathy.

Instead, they want you to apprehend and sympathize with what they may
be going via and, crucially, either take or help them to take, action to resolve the
problem, that's compassionate Empathy.

We can find the right balance between logic and emotion by exercising
compassionate Empathy.

We can sense some other man or woman’s pain, as if it turned into going
on to us and consequently explicit the precise quantity of sympathy.

At the same time, we can also stay on top of things of our personal
emotions, and practice purpose to the situation.

This means we can make higher selections and provide the appropriate
assistance to them when and wherein it is essential.
 Searching For Balance

Also, intellectual compassion can be viewed as under-emotional.

It involves inadequate feeling, and consequently possibly an excessive

amount of logical analysis. It is able to be perceived as an unsympathetic
response by using the ones in misery.

Emotional Empathy Is Over-Emotional.

Too much emotion or feeling can be unhelpful. As our web page on

handling feelings explains, emotions are very primitive. It is very tough to help
all people else in case you are overcome with the aid of your personal feelings.

On occasion, easy instinct isn’t what you’re feeling. You could sincerely
be an emotional Empath.

It’s k to be emotional. In truth, feeling sturdy emotions has many exact

factors. Unluckily, being around terrible humans may have the reverse effect. If
so, it can be draining.

To be an emotional Empath takes electricity. In spite of everything,

Empathy allows you to take in emotions from all around you, even feelings you
don’t recognize. It is able to even be overwhelming looking to type out all the
emotional airwaves.

You sense overrun by using emotion in case you’re an Empath – an

emotional processor.
 Some Other Types Of Empathy

For finishing touch, it is worth citing that a few human beings suggest that
there are two other varieties of Empathy, somatic and religious.

Somatic Empathy

As an instance, in case you see person harm, you too may feel the bodily
ache. Anecdotally, equal twins now and again document that they recognize
when the opposite has been hurt, which might be an instance of somatic
Empathy. You can see an echo of somatic Empathy, as an instance, if someone
is hit within the stomach with a ball at some point in a sports activities game,
and one or two of the spectators may double over as though they too were hit.

Spiritual Empathy

Spiritual Empathy is defined as a direct connection with a ‘higher being’

or consciousness.
 How Is Empathy Measured?

Those usually ask humans to signify how plenty they trust statements
those degree one-of-a-kind varieties of Empathy.

The QCAE, as an example, has statements which include, “It affects me

very a lot whilst one in all my friends is upset”, that's a degree of affective
Empathy.

Cognitive Empathy is determined by using the QCAE via setting fees on a

statement such as, “I try to observe all and sundry’s facet of a disagreement
before I make a decision.”

The use of the QCAE, we these days found folks who rating better on
affective Empathy have greater gray remember, which a group of various types
of nerve cells is, the fore Insula is called in a place of the brain.

This vicinity is regularly involved in regulating positive and negative

feelings through integrating environmental stimulants – along with seeing a
vehicle coincidence - with visceral and automatic physical sensations.

We additionally determined individuals who rating better on cognitive

Empathy had greater grey be counted in the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex.

This place is normally activated all through more cognitive processes,

such as the idea of mind that is the potential to attribute intellectual ideals to
yourself and any other character. It additionally involves understanding that
others have beliefs, goals, intentions, and perspectives exclusive from one’s
own.
 Empathy Be Selective

Research indicates we generally experience more Empathy for members

of our very own organization, inclusive of the ones from our ethnic group. As
an instance, one look at scanned the brains of Chinese language and Caucasian
contributors at the same time as they watched motion pictures of contributors to
their personal ethnic institution in pain. In addition, they found people from a
unique ethnic organization in pain.

The researchers found that a brain area called the anterior cingulated
cortex, that's often active when we see others in ache, changed into much less
active when participants noticed individuals of ethnic organizations specific
from their personal in ache.

Other studies have discovered brain regions worried in Empathy are less
lively when watching human beings in ache who act unfairly. We even see
activation in mind areas worried in subjective satisfaction, such as the ventral
striatum, while watching a rival game team fail.

But, we do not constantly sense less Empathy for folks who aren’t
individuals of our very own institution. In our recent examine, students had to
deliver economic rewards or painful electric shocks to students from the same
or a distinctive university. We scanned their brain responses whilst this took
place.

Mind areas involved in worthwhile others have been more lively when
human beings rewarded participants of their personal group, however regions
involved in harming others have been equally energetic for each corporation.

These effects correspond to observations in daily lifestyles. We usually

sense happier if our own institution individuals win something, but we’re not
going to damage others just due to the fact they belong to a one of a kind
institution, lifestyle or race. In well-known, in group bias is more about in-
group love in preference to exposed group hate.

But in a few conditions, it may be helpful to experience much less

Empathy for a specific group of humans. As an instance, in conflict, it might be
useful to feel less Empathy for human beings you are attempting to kill,
specifically if they are also looking to damage you.

At the same time as watching the films, human beings had to pretend they
were killing actual people. We discovered the lateral orbit frontal cortex,
generally lively when people harm others, changed into lively whilst people
shot innocent civilians. The more guilt individuals felt about taking pictures of
civilians, the greater the response to this place.

But, the equal region turned into not activated while human beings shot
the soldier that was looking to kill them.

The consequences provide insight into how people regulate their feelings.
In addition they display the brain mechanisms commonly implicated while
harming others become less active when the violence against a selected
organization is seen as justified.

This might offer future insights into how human beings turn out to be
desensitized to violence or why a few humans feel more or much less guilty
about harming others.

Our Empathetic brain has advanced to be extraordinarily adaptive to

distinctive forms of conditions. Having Empathy may be very useful because it
often enables us to recognize others so we will assist or mislead them, however
occasionally we need a good way to transfer of our Empathetic feelings to guard
our personal lives, and people of others.
 Need Of Empathy

Empathy is essential because it allows us to understand how others are

feeling so we will respond appropriately to the scenario. It's far normally related
to social behavior and there is a lot of studies showing that more Empathy leads
to more helping behavior.

But, this is not always the case. Empathy also can inhibit social
movements or even lead to amoral behavior. For instance, a person who sees a
car accident and is crushed by using emotions witnessing the victim in
excessive pain might be less probable to help that man or woman.

Further, robust Empathetic feelings for contributors of our own family or

our own social or racial group might result in hate or aggression towards those
we understand as a danger. Think about a parent defensive their infant or a
nationalist defensive their United States of America.

The psychopath may choose to push the person off the bridge more often
than not. It reflects the pragmatic theory which provides an excellent element of
protecting 5 people's lifestyles by using murdering one man or woman. So one
ought to argue people with psychopathic tendencies are extra moral than normal
human beings – who in all likelihood wouldn’t push the man or woman off the
bridge – as they're much less motivated by using feelings when making ethical
selections.
 EXTRACT FROM:

“Manipulation Techniques:

How To Use Empath Psychology For Reading People Mind. Practical

Persuasion Skills, Accelerate Learning To Analyze Human Behavior. Practice
Nlp And Dark Psychology.”
 Manipulation Techniques:

How To Use Empath Psychology For

Reading People Mind. Practical Persuasion
Skills, Accelerate Learning To Analyze
Human Behavior. Practice Nlp And Dark
Psychology.
 Table of Contents
Introduction 532
Chapter 1: What Is Empathy 536
Chapter 2: How Empathy Impacts In People's Lives 554
Chapter 3: Mind Control Tactics 565
Chapter 4: Methods Of Persuasion 577
Chapter 5: Persuading and Influencing People Using Manipulation 596
Chapter 6: Manipulation Techniques 613
Chapter 7: How to Manipulate People 631
Chapter 8: Deception 641
Chapter 9: Using NLP to Manage People 656
Chapter 10: Dark Psychology 666
Chapter 11: Solutions to Overcome Manipulation 678
Conclusion 630
CHAPTER BONUS 694
 Introduction

Using manipulation to control the mind of another person is powerful and

fascinating. Since the mind is the key to everything a human being does, the
ability to control that mind gives multitudes of power and ability. Techniques
used to control the mind work because they take control of the thoughts a
person has.

Manipulation is about self-awareness, self-management, and relationship

management. It's about understanding yourself and having the ability to manage
your emotions, plus your response to those emotions.

However, although Dark Psychology can be learned, it isn't something

you learn in a weekend program and be “covered” for the others of your life.
That is a lifelong learning skill that needs to be practiced and improved on
throughout life.

To consider yourself emotionally intelligent, you should try to build up

empathy which can make it easy to connect with others and know how they
feel. Empathetic people are those people who are genuinely thinking about
others and who readily offer support and help to those who require it. Not
everyone can place themselves in other folks’ shoes and try to understand their
motives, which explain why empathy can be such a very important skill.

For this very reason, developing Dark Psychology should come easily to
a person who is a natural empath or a people person. Others can find out about
it in a course or from a created book, but as with most other abilities, to be
proficient at it, you need to practice and apply emotional intelligence to as much
situations as possible.
 However, having high empathy is not easy. You need to be willing to
listen in to various other person's feelings and attitude, to try and understand
their behavior, to pay attention without judgment, etc. Not everyone can do this,
which explains why many believe that empathy is not a skill, but a natural gift.

In other words, Dark Psychology people are not empathic only once it
suits them, but all the time. This is probably why there are very few extremely
empathic people around, although it's no secret that empathy could be faked,
either to influence somebody or for self-promotion.

Manipulation has come to carry a negative meaning but that is not

necessarily true in all cases. Manipulation merely means to shape or mold
something to a new, more desirable shape. Snow can be manipulated into the
shape of a snowman. Clay can be manipulated into almost any shape. Small
children being taught to take turns when playing and to use their manners are, in
a sense, being manipulated by their parents. So manipulation is not always a
negative event.

Using manipulation to control the mind of another person is powerful and

fascinating. Since the mind is the key to everything a human being does, the
ability to control that mind gives multitudes of power and ability. Techniques
used to control the mind work because they take control of the thoughts a
person has. These techniques are based primarily on the method of Neuro-
Linguistic Programming (NLP). Using NLP makes it possible to control other
people’s minds using specific patterns and strategies.
 Chapter 1: What Is Empathy

To absolutely understand the Empath we first begin with the Empathy,

because Empathy provides the basics signs and symptoms which an Empath
possessed and experience whole life.

Empathy

The English phrase Empathy is derived from the historical Greek word
ἐμπάθεια (Empatheia, that means "bodily affection or passion"). It, in effect,
stems from both (en, "out, at") and (pathos, "ardor" and "suffering")
respectively.

Alexithymia is a word used to explain a deficiency in expertise,

processing or describing feelings in oneself, in preference to others. This time
period comes from the mixture of two historic Greek phrases: ἀλέξω (alekso,
that means "push away, repel, or protect") and θυμός (thymos, which means "
The heart, the center of conscience, thinking and awareness. "As a result,
alexithymia" push away the emotions.

Empathy, derived from the Greek word Empatheia, this means that ''ardor
or country of emotion'', is the ability to feel what others are feeling. It's
extremely a crucial part of human interaction that is regrettably missing in some
human beings. While that lack is extreme, intense problems may be the end
result. Empathy is the ability to share or understand other people's feelings. It is
far from being a multi-component group, each of which is connected with its
own brain family. There are 3 ways of looking at Empathy.

Some other manner to recognize Empathy is to differentiate it from other

related constructs. As an example, Empathy entails self-cognizance, as well as
the difference between the self and the opposite. In that feel, it's far specific
from mimicry, or imitation.

Many animals may display signs of mimicry or emotional contagion to

every other animal in ache. However, without a few levels of self-awareness,
and difference among the self and the opposite, it is not Empathy in a strict feel.
Empathy is likewise extraordinary from sympathy, which entails feeling a
problem for the struggling of some other man or woman and a choice to help.

That stated, Empathy isn't always a completely unique human enjoy. It's
been observed in many non-human primates and even rats.

People frequently say psychopaths lack Empathy but this isn't continually
the case. In fact, Psychopathy is enabled by the right cognitive Empathic skills -
you need to apprehend what your sufferer is feeling when you are torturing
them. What psychopaths generally lack is sympathy. They recognize the
opposite character is suffering however they simply don’t care.

Studies have additionally shown people with psychopathic tendencies are

frequently excellent at regulating their emotions.
 Types Of Empathy

There also are, but, unique kinds of Empathy that have been defined via
psychologists. Those are cognitive, emotional and compassionate Empathy
 Cognitive Empathy

It's far a beneficial ability, especially in negotiations for instance, or for

managers. It permits you to put yourself in someone else’s footwear, but without
necessarily engaging with their feelings. It does no longer, however, actually
match with the definition of Empathy as ‘feeling with’, being a much greater
rational and logical technique.

Efficiently, cognitive Empathy is ‘Empathy through thought’, rather than

with the aid of feeling.
 Emotional Empathy

Emotional Empathy is whilst you quite actually experience the opposite

person’s feelings alongside them, as in case you had ‘stuck’ the emotions.

Emotional Empathy is likewise called ‘non-public misery’ or ‘emotional

contagion’. This is closer to the same old knowledge of the phrase ‘Empathy’,
however greater emotional.

Emotional Empathy might be the first kind of Empathy that many people
feel as youngsters. It can be visible when a mother smiles at her infant, and the
child ‘catches’ her emotion and smiles returned. Less fortunately, possibly, a
baby will frequently begin to cry if she or he hears every other toddler crying.
 Emotional Empathy Can Be Both Good And Bad

Emotional Empathy is right as it method that we can conveniently

apprehend and feel other humans' feelings. This is essential for those in caring
professions, including docs and nurses, on the way to respond to their sufferers
correctly. It is also way that we will reply to friends and others when they are
distressed.

Emotional Empathy is terrible, because it's extremely possible to grow to

be overwhelmed by way of those emotions, and therefore unable to reply. That
is known as Empathy overload and is defined in greater element in our web
page on understanding others. Properly strength will help doctors and nurses to
keep away from viable burnout from Empathizing too much. There may be a
threat, however, that they can turn out to be ‘hardened’ and now not respond
correctly. There were several latest cases in the UK, which include in South
Staffordshire, in which nurses and others had been accused of being uncaring.
This may be a probable result of over-protection against Empathy overload.
 Compassionate Empathy

Sooner or later, compassionate Empathy is what we commonly apprehend

with the aid of Empathy: feeling a person’s pain, and taking movement to assist.

The call, compassionate Empathy, is constant with what we typically

apprehend by using compassion. Like sympathy, compassion is a ready feeling
difficulty for someone, however with an additional flow closer to movement to
mitigate the trouble.

Compassionate Empathy in the form of Empathy is usually maximum

suitable.

As a standard rule, folks who want or need your Empathy don’t just need
you to apprehend (cognitive Empathy), and that they simply don’t need you just
to experience their ache or, worse with the emotional Empathy.

Instead, they want you to apprehend and sympathize with what they may
be going via and, crucially, either take or help them to take, action to resolve the
problem, that's compassionate Empathy.

We can find the right balance between logic and emotion by exercising
compassionate Empathy.

We can sense some other man or woman’s pain, as if it turned into going
on to us and consequently explicit the precise quantity of sympathy.

At the same time, we can also stay on top of things of our personal
emotions, and practice purpose to the situation.

This means we can make higher selections and provide the appropriate
assistance to them when and wherein it is essential.
 Searching For Balance

Also, intellectual compassion can be viewed as under-emotional.

It involves inadequate feeling, and consequently possibly an excessive

amount of logical analysis. It is able to be perceived as an unsympathetic
response by using the ones in misery.

Emotional Empathy Is Over-Emotional.

Too much emotion or feeling can be unhelpful. As our web page on

handling feelings explains, emotions are very primitive. It is very tough to help
all people else in case you are overcome with the aid of your personal feelings.

On occasion, easy instinct isn’t what you’re feeling. You could sincerely
be an emotional Empath.

It’s k to be emotional. In truth, feeling sturdy emotions has many exact

factors. Unluckily, being around terrible humans may have the reverse effect. If
so, it can be draining.

To be an emotional Empath takes electricity. In spite of everything,

Empathy allows you to take in emotions from all around you, even feelings you
don’t recognize. It is able to even be overwhelming looking to type out all the
emotional airwaves.

You sense overrun by using emotion in case you’re an Empath – an

emotional processor.
 Some Other Types Of Empathy

For finishing touch, it is worth citing that a few human beings suggest that
there are two other varieties of Empathy, somatic and religious.

Somatic Empathy

As an instance, in case you see person harm, you too may feel the bodily
ache. Anecdotally, equal twins now and again document that they recognize
when the opposite has been hurt, which might be an instance of somatic
Empathy. You can see an echo of somatic Empathy, as an instance, if someone
is hit within the stomach with a ball at some point in a sports activities game,
and one or two of the spectators may double over as though they too were hit.

Spiritual Empathy

Spiritual Empathy is defined as a direct connection with a ‘higher being’

or consciousness.
 How Is Empathy Measured?

Those usually ask humans to signify how plenty they trust statements
those degree one-of-a-kind varieties of Empathy.

The QCAE, as an example, has statements which include, “It affects me

very a lot whilst one in all my friends is upset”, that's a degree of affective
Empathy.

Cognitive Empathy is determined by using the QCAE via setting fees on a

statement such as, “I try to observe all and sundry’s facet of a disagreement
before I make a decision.”

The use of the QCAE, we these days found folks who rating better on
affective Empathy have greater gray remember, which a group of various types
of nerve cells is, the fore Insula is called in a place of the brain.

This vicinity is regularly involved in regulating positive and negative

feelings through integrating environmental stimulants – along with seeing a
vehicle coincidence - with visceral and automatic physical sensations.

We additionally determined individuals who rating better on cognitive

Empathy had greater grey be counted in the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex.

This place is normally activated all through more cognitive processes,

such as the idea of mind that is the potential to attribute intellectual ideals to
yourself and any other character. It additionally involves understanding that
others have beliefs, goals, intentions, and perspectives exclusive from one’s
own.
 Empathy Be Selective

Research indicates we generally experience more Empathy for members

of our very own organization, inclusive of the ones from our ethnic group. As
an instance, one look at scanned the brains of Chinese language and Caucasian
contributors at the same time as they watched motion pictures of contributors to
their personal ethnic institution in pain. In addition, they found people from a
unique ethnic organization in pain.

The researchers found that a brain area called the anterior cingulated
cortex, that's often active when we see others in ache, changed into much less
active when participants noticed individuals of ethnic organizations specific
from their personal in ache.

Other studies have discovered brain regions worried in Empathy are less
lively when watching human beings in ache who act unfairly. We even see
activation in mind areas worried in subjective satisfaction, such as the ventral
striatum, while watching a rival game team fail.

But, we do not constantly sense less Empathy for folks who aren’t
individuals of our very own institution. In our recent examine, students had to
deliver economic rewards or painful electric shocks to students from the same
or a distinctive university. We scanned their brain responses whilst this took
place.

Mind areas involved in worthwhile others have been more lively when
human beings rewarded participants of their personal group, however regions
involved in harming others have been equally energetic for each corporation.

These effects correspond to observations in daily lifestyles. We usually

sense happier if our own institution individuals win something, but we’re not
going to damage others just due to the fact they belong to a one of a kind
institution, lifestyle or race. In well-known, in group bias is more about in-
group love in preference to exposed group hate.

But in a few conditions, it may be helpful to experience much less

Empathy for a specific group of humans. As an instance, in conflict, it might be
useful to feel less Empathy for human beings you are attempting to kill,
specifically if they are also looking to damage you.

At the same time as watching the films, human beings had to pretend they
were killing actual people. We discovered the lateral orbit frontal cortex,
generally lively when people harm others, changed into lively whilst people
shot innocent civilians. The more guilt individuals felt about taking pictures of
civilians, the greater the response to this place.

But, the equal region turned into not activated while human beings shot
the soldier that was looking to kill them.

The consequences provide insight into how people regulate their feelings.
In addition they display the brain mechanisms commonly implicated while
harming others become less active when the violence against a selected
organization is seen as justified.

This might offer future insights into how human beings turn out to be
desensitized to violence or why a few humans feel more or much less guilty
about harming others.

Our Empathetic brain has advanced to be extraordinarily adaptive to

distinctive forms of conditions. Having Empathy may be very useful because it
often enables us to recognize others so we will assist or mislead them, however
occasionally we need a good way to transfer of our Empathetic feelings to guard
our personal lives, and people of others.
 Need Of Empathy

Empathy is essential because it allows us to understand how others are

feeling so we will respond appropriately to the scenario. It's far normally related
to social behavior and there is a lot of studies showing that more Empathy leads
to more helping behavior.

But, this is not always the case. Empathy also can inhibit social
movements or even lead to amoral behavior. For instance, a person who sees a
car accident and is crushed by using emotions witnessing the victim in
excessive pain might be less probable to help that man or woman.

Further, robust Empathetic feelings for contributors of our own family or

our own social or racial group might result in hate or aggression towards those
we understand as a danger. Think about a parent defensive their infant or a
nationalist defensive their United States of America.

The psychopath may choose to push the person off the bridge more often
than not. It reflects the pragmatic theory which provides an excellent element of
protecting 5 people's lifestyles by using murdering one man or woman. So one
ought to argue people with psychopathic tendencies are extra moral than normal
human beings – who in all likelihood wouldn’t push the man or woman off the
bridge – as they're much less motivated by using feelings when making ethical
selections.
 Chapter 2: How Empathy Impacts In
People's Lives

Heading out into society in this day and age can be quite daunting. It is
said that there are two types of societies. We will take a look at each, then see
how they intertwine with each other.
 Community

A communal society is one that everyone benefits from — meaning, there

is a balance between what an individual wants and what is best for the
community. The community is always the primary recipient in order to maintain
peace, harmony, and balance. When there is a communal society, the people
within it tend to put their own wants and needs aside for the greater good of that
community. The community members are put second in comparison to the
community as a whole. Thus, when the community is suffering, the individuals
within suffer as well. On the other hand, if the community does well and has
many benefits, the individuals in that community will benefit from it as well.
Some people may not like that idea because there may be some people who
work extremely hard for the community, but there are others who do not lift a
finger. This may be difficult for some to handle because everyone will get the
same benefits regardless of how much work one does. In order for this to work,
everyone needs to be on board.
 Individual

In this society, people are able to focus on their own success, identities,
and skills. The community as a whole will not be the focus, nor will they have
any issues if the individual fails or does not become as successful as they
thought. An individual-oriented society will allow individuals to focus on their
own goals. This type of society is about the personal development and
achievement of each individual. The focus here is not on the peace and well-
being of the entire community but the happiness of each individual. Let’s just
think about a society where someone is wildly successful. They typically end up
giving back to the community where they grew up or lived in; thus, the
community benefits from the individual’s success as well.

Some people actually have a mixture of both societies. When they are
both intertwined with each other, it can be difficult to focus on what is better for
which. It happens when a person lives in an individualistic mindset but also has
empathy toward others. It can be somewhat of a battle if someone has these two
ideals intertwined. For example, they want to succeed, but they also want to
help everyone else out. Many people who have this internal conflict tend to get
anxiety, depression, and/or have low self-esteem. There are many factors to
consider when someone is searching for the reason why they isolate themselves.
They may feel as if they are unworthy of love or success. They may be
depressed, or they may have a combination of all due to low self-esteem. There
are plenty of factors, both environmental and societal, that are contributing,
along with trauma and past abuse. It is important to recognize and be aware of
the different issues that people face when trying to help themselves as well as
others.

Since empaths do have both individual and communal goals, it can be

hard for them to find their place in society that is satisfying for both aspects.
 Social Anxiety and Empaths

Being an empath can be tough, especially when you are expected at social
functions of all sorts. Social anxiety is typically common with empaths;
however, some may just be describing the feelings that they get when they are
around others that are quite toxic. We have to remember that we are all human
beings, and we do need a human connection with others. When someone
explains and states that they have social anxiety, they may be seen as odd or
weird in some way. However, social anxiety does not mean we have something
wrong with our character. It may actually indicate that we may be more
intelligent. Anxiety puts us on high alert. Those who are mothers and have
children typically have more anxiety than others. They want to protect their
children, hence why they develop a sense of heightened awareness.

There are five signs that your social anxiety may be an empath sensitivity:

It is selective.
You were not bullied or abused in childhood.
You do not fear rejection; rather, you avoid people who make
you uncomfortable.
You are a pro at reading people.
Crowded places make you feel overwhelmed.

It is selective. If you are just fine at times but tend to become extremely
anxious when around certain people, then your anxiety is selective. When you
come across some with low vibes, you may tend to heighten your senses, which
can be quite overwhelming. This could be when someone makes you
uncomfortable. You can typically tell if they have hidden bad feelings toward
you, if they have negative emotions, or if they are being passive-aggressive.
You will start to notice people’s body language when you are around, and you
will begin to understand your surroundings, plus the way you may react to it. If
you do find that being around someone in particular gives you intense anxiety,
try to figure out what it might be about them that is causing this. It could be
your gut telling you to get away from that person as they mean harm to you.
Just try to be aware of your body and mind when you are in any situation that
makes you anxious.

You were not bullied or abused in childhood. Typically, when someone

has anxiety, it stems from a traumatic event in childhood, such as being bullied
or abused. However, if you did not have any of that happen to you, you may just
be able to pick up on other people’s vibrations.

You do not fear rejection; rather, you avoid people who make you
uncomfortable. It has been said that social anxiety is tied to an overwhelming
fear of being rejected. It could be that you are afraid of being laughed at or not
fitting in. However, what if you do not have a fear of rejection? It might not
actually be that you fear rejection; it could be that you are afraid of other people
due to the bad energy that they give off. That bad energy may drain you, so you
might not want to be around them. Fear can be tricky at times. You can say that
you may be afraid of someone, but understanding why and then taking action to
avoid them will be the best for your health. In this instance, it is not about the
fear of rejection; it is about your dislike for the way that certain people make
you feel uncomfortable.

You are a pro at reading people. If there is ever a time when you get a gut
feeling when you are in a situation and just cannot put your finger on what it
may mean, it may be that you are picking up on someone’s ill intent or toxic
existence in your presence. If you are repulsed by someone the first time you
meet them, then you could be sensing that they have low morals or standards.
They could take advantage of you or could potentially harm you in some way.
This instinct happens because empaths can sense nuances in behaviors, such as
nonverbal cues or body language (e.g., not looking in the eye). These cues will
tell the empath when someone is lying to them and will let them sense when
someone is up to something that is not authentic. If someone is being
inauthentic, lying, or hiding something, you will be able to pick up on that.
Always listen to your gut.

Crowded places make you feel overwhelmed. Crowded spaces can be a

huge drain of energy for an empath. Thus, you tend to feel depleted when you
are surrounded by too many different energies. If you tend to avoid places that
are particularly busy during peak hours, such as a grocery store or a mall,
because you know it drains the energy from you, you are considered an energy-
sensitive empath. There are also ways that this causes physical issues, such as
dizziness and weakness. So if you find yourself with any physical or emotional
symptoms while in crowded spaces, it is time to choose your outings wisely in
order to save your own energy.

Social anxiety can be seen as a way for empaths to hold close the true
connections that they currently have with others, and it is not that they cannot
form new connections. Having social anxiety is not necessarily a bad thing,
even though people may treat you like it is. When your brain is always active,
you are constantly searching and analyzing your surroundings. It is said to be a
protection tool, and that, to most, is never a bad thing.

So what if you do not like how social anxiety tends to take over your life?
How does one prevent this from happening? Here are some tips on how to
prevent empaths from developing anxiety:

Mix it up.
Express emotions.
Talk to your emotions.
Clear your inner self.
Ask for help.
 Mix it up. If you keep your feelings bottled up, you will end up feeling
quite anxious, and that could lead to depression. However, expressing your
emotions will allow you to feel a sense of clarity. Keep yourself busy so your
mind does not dwell on certain situations and issues. If you are not busy or
cannot mix up your schedule, try to find someone to confide in that you trust. If
you are able to get your feelings out, they will not stay bottled up inside.

Express emotions. The more you repress your emotions, the more likely
you will have an end result of depression. One way to do this is to practice
catharsis. Catharsis is something that can be provoked or happen naturally, such
as when you are laughing or crying. Some people find it best to relax in a bath,
where it is just you and your emotions to release in a private space.

Talk to your emotions. In order to understand your emotions, you must

know yourself. If you are not emotional literate, how you can relate to your
feelings, then you will not experience any personal development. When you are
in tune with your own feelings, you tend to understand yourself on a higher
level. Plus, when you question your own emotions and thoughts to self-reflect,
you will find that you are more calm and relaxed.

Clear your inner self. We have to pay attention to how the world around
us may have an impact on our own consciousness. Some people may want to
start by cleaning their private space as soon as they wake up. It will seem that,
as you are cleaning your personal space, you are also keeping a clear mind to
start your day.

Ask for help. Most empaths do not want to burden anyone else, so they do
hesitate to ask others for help. If calling your friends to vent to them is a way to
relieve your stress, then find a friend who does not mind that you do that. If
they are a true friend to you, they will recognize when you need the most help.
 Just try not to interpret or assume anyone else’s emotions. Try to block
them out instead of bottling them in and worrying. Worrying will only turn into
anxiety, and anxiety is not good for your overall mental and physical health.
Use the five tips above. If you try one and it does not work for you, try another.
Figure out what works best for you and use that to the fullest in order to combat
any anxiety that may have been coming your way.
 Chapter 3: Mind Control Tactics

Mind control involves using influence and persuasion to change the

behaviors and beliefs in someone. That someone might be the person
themselves or it might be someone else. Mind control has also been referred to
as brainwashing, thought reform, coercive persuasion, mental control, and
manipulation, just to name a few. Some people feel that everything is done by
manipulation. But if that is true to be believed, then important points about
manipulation will be lost. Influence is much better thought of as a mental
continuum with two extremes. One side has influences that are respectful and
ethical and work to improve the individual while showing respect for them and
their basic human rights. The other side contains influences that are dark and
destructive that work to remove basic human rights from a person, such as
independence, the ability for rational thought, and sometimes their total identity.

When thinking of mind control, it is better to see it as a way to use

influence on other people that will disrupt something in them, like their way of
thinking or living. Influence works on the very basis of what makes people
human, such as their behaviors, beliefs, and values. It can disrupt the very way
they chose personal preferences or make critical decisions. Mind control is
nothing more than using words and ideas to convince someone to say or do
something they might never have thought of saying or doing on their own.

There are scientifically proven methods that can be used to influence

other people. Mind control has nothing to do with fakery, ancient arts, or even
magical powers. Real mind control really is the basis of a word that many
people hate to hear. That word is marketing. Many people hate to hear that word
because of the negative connotations associated with it. When people hear
“marketing,” they automatically assume that it refers to those ideas taught in
business school. But the basis of marketing is not about deciding which part of
the market to target or deciding which customers will likely buy this product.
The basis of marketing is one very simple word. That word is “YES.”

If a salesperson asks a regular customer to write a brief endorsement of

the product they buy, hopefully, they will say yes. If someone asks their
significant other to take some of the business cards to pass out at work,
hopefully, they will say yes. If you write any kind of blog and ask another
blogger to provide a link to yours on their blog, hopefully, they will say yes.
When enough people say yes, the business or blog will begin to grow. With
even more yesses, it will continue to grow and thrive. This is the very simple
basis of marketing. Marketing is nothing more than using mind control to get
other people to buy something or to do something beneficial for someone else.
And the techniques can easily be learned.

The first technique in mind control is to tell people what you want them to
want. Never tell people to think it over or take some time. That is a definite
mind control killer. People already have too much going on in their minds.
When they are told to think something over they will not. It will be forgotten,
and then it will never happen. This has nothing to do with being stupid or lazy
and everything to do with just being way too busy.

So the best strategy is to take the offensive and think for them. Everything
must be explained in the beginning. Never assume that the other blogger will
automatically understand the benefits of adding a link will be for them. Do not
expect anyone to give a demonstration blindly. And merely asking for a
testimonial, while it might garner an appositive response, probably will not
garner a well-formed testimonial to the product. Instead, be prepared to explain
the blog, show examples, and offer compelling reasons why this merger will be
a benefit to both parties. Have the demonstration laid out in great detail with
notes on what to say when and visuals to go along with the notes, so all the
other person has to do is present the information. Offer the customer a few
variations of testimonials that have already been received and ask them to
choose one and personalize it a bit. Always be specific in explaining what is
desired. Explain why it is desired. Show how this will work. Tell the person
how to do it and why they should do it. If done correctly it will feel exactly like
one friend advising another friend on which is the best path to take. And the
answer will be yes simply because saying yes makes so much sense.

Think of the avalanche. Think of climbing all the way to the top of the
highest mountain ever. Now, at the top, think of searching for the biggest
heaviest boulder that exists on the mountain. Now, picture summoning up
superhuman strength to push this boulder, dislodging it from the place it has
rested for years and years. Once this boulder is loosened, it rolls easily over the
edge of the cliff, crashing into thousands of other boulders on its way down the
mountain, taking half of the mountain with it in a beautiful cascade of rocks and
dirt. Imagine sitting there smiling cheerfully at the avalanche that was just
created.

Marketing and mind control are very like creating an avalanche. Getting
the first person to answer yes might be difficult. But each subsequent yes will
be easier and easier. And always start at the top, never the bottom. Starting at
the top is definitely more difficult, and it is more likely to come with more
negative responses than positive responses in the beginning. But starting at the
top also yields a much greater reward when the avalanche does begin. And the
results will be far greater than beginning at the bottom of the mountain. Yes, the
small rock is easier to push over. Then it can be built upon by pushing over
another small rock, then another. This way can work, but it will take much
longer than being successful at the top. No one ever went fishing for the
smallest fish in the pond or auditioned for the secondary role just to be safe.
Everyone wants that top prize. Do not be afraid to go for it.
 On the other hand, never ask for the whole boulder the first time. Ask for
part of it. This may seem directly contradictory but it is not. Always start with a
small piece. Make the beginning easier for everyone to see. Let other people use
their own insight to see the end result. When the first bit goes well, then
gradually ask for more and more and more.

Think of writing a guest spot for someone else who has their own blog.
By sending in the entire manuscript first, there is a greater risk of rejection.
Begin small. Send them a paragraph or two discussing them the idea. Then
make an outline of the idea and send that in an email. Then write the complete
draft you would like them too use and send it along. When asking a customer
for a testimonial, start by asking for a few lines in an email. Then ask the
customer to expand those few lines into a testimonial that covers at least half a
typed page. Soon the customer will be ready for an hour-long webcast extolling
the virtues of the product and your great customer service skills.

Everything must have a deadline that really exists. The important word
here is the word ‘real’. Everyone has heard the salesperson who said to decide
quickly because the deal might not be available later or another customer was
coming in and they might get it. That is a total fabrication and everyone knows
it to be true. There are no impending other customers and the deal is not going
to disappear. There is no real sense of urgency involved. But everyone does it.
There are too many situations where people are given a totally fake deadline by
someone who thinks it will instill a great sense of urgency for completion of the
task. It is not only totally not effective but completely unneeded. It is a simple
matter to create true urgency. Only leave free things available for a finite
amount of time. When asking customers for testimonials be certain to mention
the last possible day for it to be received to be able to be used. Some people will
be unable to assist, but having people unable to participate is better than never
being able to begin.

Always give before you receive. And do not ever think that giving is fifty-
fifty. Always give much more than is expected in return. Before asking for a
testimonial from a satisfied customer, be sure to make numerous acts of
exceptional customer service. Before asking a blog writer for a link, link theirs
to yours many times. This is not about helping someone out so they will help
you. This is all about being so totally generous that the person who is asked for
the favor cannot possibly say no. It might mean extra work, but that is how to
influence other people.

Always stand up for something that is much bigger than average. Do not
just write another blog on how to do something. Use an important issue to take
a stand and defend the stance with unbeatable logic and fervent passion. Do not
just write a how-to manual. Choose a particular idea and sell people on it, using
examples of other people with the same idea living the philosophy.

Never feel shame. This does not mean being extremely extroverted to the
point of silliness or having a total lack of conscience in business dealings. In the
case of mind control shamelessness refers to a total complete belief that this
course of action is the best possible course and everyone will benefit greatly
from it. This is about writing the best possible blog ever and believing that
everyone needs to read it to be able to improve their lives. It is about believing
in a particular product so deeply that the feeling is that everyone will benefit
from using it. It is knowing deep inside that this belief is the most correct belief
ever and everyone should believe it.

Mind control uses the idea that someone’s decisions and emotions can be
controlled using psychological means. It is using powers of negotiation or
mental influence to ensure the outcome of the interaction is more favorable to
one person over the other. This is basically what marketing is: convincing
someone to do something particular or buy something in particular. Being able
to control someone else’s mind merely means understanding the power of
human emotion and being able to play upon those emotions. It is easier to have
a mental impact on people if there is a basic understanding of human emotions.
Angry people will back down when the subject of their anger is not afraid.
Angry people feed upon the fear of others. Guilt is another great motivator.
Making someone feel guilty for not thinking or feeling, in the same manner, is a
wonderful way to get them to give in. Another way to use mind control over
someone is to point out how valuable they are to the situation. Controlling the
mind of another does not mean depriving them of free will and conscious
thought.
 Chapter 4: Methods Of Persuasion

For some people, the art of persuasion comes easily. You can watch them
talk to almost anyone, and it seems like they will always get the response that
they want from the other person. On the other hand, there are those people who
may have the best message in the world who couldn’t convince anyone, even
their closest friends, to do something. No matter where you fall in either of
these groups though, with a little bit of practice and hard work, you will be able
to learn how to use persuasion to your advantage.

In terms of the process of using persuasion, there will usually be three

parts that you need to follow including:

The communicator, or the medium used as the source of persuasion

The persuasive nature of the appeal

The audience or the target person that the appeal is going to be sent too.

Each of these elements needs to be accounted for before you try to use
persuasion on a higher level. It is always a good practice to look around you and
check to see how many instances of persuasion are going on in your daily life.
Some of these are going to be overt, but many of them are going to be pretty
subtle. This can be great training for persuasion because you will be able to
employ the same kind of tactics. Let's take a look at some of the options that
you can use when it comes to good persuasion and using the right techniques.

Using the Aristotelian appeals

 So, the first option that we are going to look at is the Aristotelian appeals.
Aristotle is well-known and is actually one of the most famous persuaders of all
time. He believed that there were three main ways that a person could approach
thing when they were trying to use persuasion to change the opinion of the other
person.

Ethos

The first appeal that one could use was ethos, which is going to focus on
things such as trust, integrity, and character. This appeal is going to focus on the
reputation of the person and some of the things that they may have done in the
past, or even how others think about them today. There are many people who
value their reputations, and they will work hard to maintain them, especially if
the person is in a high office or in the public eye. This is not a bad thing to care
about your reputation.

As the persuader, it is fine to show off some character because this shows
that you are a human like everyone else and you can even show off some of the
flaws that you have. The trick here is that you need to only show off flaws that
are pretty small, ones that the target audience will not see as a big deal, but they
do need to be large enough that they show that you are still a person who has
some good values and even virtues.

You need to be credible as well if you would like to be persuasive. People

are much more likely to believe what you are saying if you are seen as a
credible person, someone who is seen as an expert in their chosen field. If you
would like to get started with persuading other people to act in a specific way,
then you need to start cultivating the right impression with good virtues, small
flaws, and by showing that you are an expert in your field.

Pathos
 The second appeal that you should work on is pathos, which is when you
evoke the emotions of the other person. You will want to find some way to
excise the other person, to get their interest in some way. This can often be done
with storytelling or even by referencing situations where injustices were done at
some point. You can add in some ethos to this by condemning these actions and
describing how your values fall into the matter.

If you are working on this appeal, it is important to use the right

linguistics. Language is going to be your most important tool for getting the
emotions involved. A good speaker will always be able to pick out the right
words to get their message out there. For example, they know how to use words
that will amplify or subdue the situation based on the results that you want to
get.

This can be hard to learn in the beginning, especially if you do not

consider yourself to be that great of a speaker. But the next time that there is a
big pollical debate or speech going on take the time to listen to the words that
they are using. This will help you to see how the words can bring out the right
emotions that the communicator is looking for.

Logos

And the third appeal that you can use when it comes to persuasion is
logos. This is when you are going to use logic, rational explanations, and even
evidence to help support your claims. Some people do not respond that well to
the emotional side, and they may feel that anyone who is using their values and
integrity are only doing so to make a sale. These people are probably going to
do the best with logos, being told logical information that they can look up on
their own to verify before they make a decision.

This does not mean that you cannot go through and make some changes
to the wording and try to convince these people still. You can always bring the
most prominent features to light, or if you know the person, at least bring out
the features that are going to appeal to them the most. This is not a license to lie
to them about the things that you are doing and saying, but it doesn’t hurt to
show your argument in the best possible light.

Foot in the door

We talked about this one a bit earlier, but it can be one of the most
effective persuasion techniques that are out there. This one allows you to ask for
a bigger favor after you have already been granted a smaller favor, especially if
they are related in some way. You may start off with something that is pretty
small, such as just borrowing a cup of sugar from your neighbor. Your neighbor
will probably be fine with this because it’s not that big of a deal and most
people, as long as they have it on hand, will have a cup of sugar to share with
you.

Now that you have asked for that cup of sugar, you may take it up a notch.
You may then ask if they have some butter and eggs that you can borrow as
well. Since they have already lent you some sugar, they figure it is not a big
deal to lend you some more things a well. And the persuader can just keep
going, perhaps asking if the target would mind baking the whole cake for them
in the end.

If the persuader had started out with asking the neighbor to make the
cake, it is unlikely that the neighbor would have agreed. The neighbor might say
that they are busy or that they really do not know how to make a cake that well.
But since the persuader started out with something small, something that would
be silly not to help out with, and then slowly built up from there, the neighbor
may eventually feel a sense of obligation to get the work done at this point.

This method can be used in many different persuasion circumstances. The

trick is to always start out with something small, something that you think the
target will be willing to help you out with. Then you will slowly build yourself
up until you get to the bigger thing that you would like them to have in the long
run. You may have wanted the target to start with the bigger thing, but if you
went there first, you would have completely missed out on the sale.

Reversal tagging

Another option that you can use is known as reversal tagging. This is a
trick that uses simple and subtle sentence phrasing to get an agreement, or at
least compliance, from the target in general. It is going to use two opposing
structures inside the sentence, the first part being an affirmative statement and
the second one will be a tag question.

The premise here is that you will make the initial statement to open the
line of questioning, but you will add on the tag question so that the target has a
binary choice for answering. This will help you to reframe the response so that
it sounds like they agree with you the whole time.

For example, you may say something like “You like this house, don’t
you?” to your spouse. There are a few ways that they can choose to respond to
this. If they say “Yes, I like this place” you would respond something like “As I
thought, you like this place.” On the other hand, if they give you a different
response, such as “No, I don’t like this place,” you can simply turn it around
and say “As I thought, you don’t like this place.”

Statements like the one above are designed to have a negative reversal
element to them. If you do them in the proper manner, the statement will hide
the command because it becomes a rhetorical question because it will first tell
the person what they should be thinking, but then it inserts the question that will
offer a level of disagreement, even though it implies that the disagreement is not
wanted.
 The key to this method is to ensure that the first statement is pretty strong
because it is going to be the main persuasive component. This kind of technique
is also useful when you are trying to convince the other person to take an action
on something, rather than just agreeing with you. It is the same principle, but
this time you will state out your negative first before taking a long pause and
then adding in the tag question. For example, you could say something like
“You aren’t able to do that…. Are you?” this implies that the person is not able
to do something and it is going to evoke them to respond in a way that will
prove you wrong.

Reverse psychology

This is something that you have probably heard about in the past because
it is a psychological tactic that is often used when you want to get the other
person to take an action. However, if you are not good at performing this tactic,
it is going to seem pretty obvious, and it will not work the way that you would
like it to. This tactic is basically going to get somebody to do what you would
like by suggesting that they do the opposite in the beginning. It is going to be
the most effective if you can evoke an emotional response because it will stop
the person from thinking rationally through their decision.

This is a principle that can work well with those who like to have control,
such as rebellious people or those who just like to do the opposite of what they
are told to do. It is often called reactance theory, and it will describe the
scenario where a person feels like they are losing control of things and they are
going to try to grab that control back by doing the exact opposite of what they
have been asked, even if it is not their best interest to do so.

Cognitive dissonance

Have you ever been in a situation where you know that something seems
a bit off about it, but you cannot figure out why it doesn’t feel right? When
there isn’t something quite right about a situation, it is going o set off some
dissonance in the mind and will trigger the person to try to make it all right.
People who have OCD will often know this feeling because they will notice
when little things are out of the normal.

If you can change things up a little bit, you may be able to convince the
other person to act in the way that you would like. They may feel that their
reputation is falling a little bit, that they are missing out on something, or so
much else. You can then step in to offer them a solution, an easy to way to
change things back to normal, and they are more likely to jump right at it.

Counter-attitudinal advocacy

It is pretty common for people to state a view on something, or even to

support an opinion, even if that is not something that they really believe
themselves. This isn't necessarily that deceptive because the things that people
choose to do this with are usually small or they have the best intentions. For
example, it is common for someone to tell a little white lie because it will help
to protect the feelings of someone else. When this happens, we are attempting to
reduce the dissonance that we caused by saying that our actions are still noble.

Whether you think that telling a little white lie or doing something similar
is acceptable or that you think honesty is the best option is irrelevant because
you can still use this human tendency to your advantage when you are
persuading others. This is a common technique to use when it comes to cults or
even gangs when they are trying to change the beliefs of others to justify their
behavior.

When you are using this as a persuasion principle, you are going to be
tied in with what is known as incremental escalating requests. What this one
means is that you are going to offer the target with some small rewards so that
they are not really going to attribute this new behavior to some changes. Over
time though, the effect is going to keep escalating until it reaches a point where
they are doing something that is really different compared to where the behavior
started.

A good way to practice this is by getting those you know to go along with
you on some small points, but these small points need to have an eventual goal
of persuasion that you would like to accomplish. These points need to all be
small enough that the internal justification for agreeing with you is not that big
of a deal and the other person is not going to resist you or have a lot of
questions in the process. Over time, if you have done this properly, the beliefs
of the other people should change to fit with yours.

Perceived self-interest

If you ask anyone, they often believe that they are generous and pretty
caring creatures. No matter how much most people believe this though, as
humans we are really a self-serving species. There have been a lot of studies
done on this over the years, and it has been proven over and over again. Even
altruism is a self-serving act because it does help the grantor to feel good about
themselves in the process.

The idea behind this technique is a pretty simple one to work with, but
you will be spending your time on perception. If you can convince your target
that they are doing something that is in their best interest, whether that is true or
not, then the target is much more likely to go along with the whole thing. This
can be really apparent when you are trying to persuade someone who is higher
up than you.

For example, you may work with your boss, and you can say something
like "I see my job as making you more successful." This can help to endear a
new employee to their boss because even if you are getting some of the credit
along the way, you are showing that the majority of the limelight is going to go
to your boss along the way, and their self-interest is really going to like this.

This one is known as disrupt-then-reframe, and it is similar to offer

biasing and Russian front. The idea with this one is to put out a statement that is
completely far away from the ideals and belief of the target right from the
beginning. This is like making an offer to the other person that they are not
really likely to accept. After they have rejected your offer, you are going to do a
follow up that is more rational, something that your target is more likely to go
along with, especially since they are still comparing it to your first offer in their
heads. Of course, the second suggestion that you make is usually going to be the
one that you wanted to persuade the target to in the first place.

It is similar to reverse tagging, but it is going to include a longer

statement. The aim here is to disrupt the other person is thinking and then show
them that you can still be rational in the process and that you want to work with
them to a better goal. Since you are working with them, and the second request
is not so ridiculous compared to the first one that you made, the target is much
more likely to go along with what you are suggesting.
 Hurt and rescue principle

This principle is going to be based off evoking some discomfort or fear in

the person from the start. When the person is assessing their options for a
solution, you will be able to offer the perfect solution in the form of the thing
you want to persuade them to. You need to be able to manufacture a level of
discomfort here first and being crafty enough to make this work can be hard.

Since you are trying to bring in some fear or discomfort with your target,
you do need to be a bit careful with this option. It is not a good idea to come off
as aggressive or intimidating in the process because this will just turn the person
away from you completely.

For example, you may work with someone and say that you have noticed
that their performance has dropped off recently and that there may be an issue
with their funding getting cut off because of it. Now that the other person is
worried about what is going to happen with their funding and their job, you can
come in as the one with a solution. You may say something like you have
convinced them to not do that just yet as long as the other person can start
meeting their performance metrics again.

Of course, you will need to go through and change things around to work
with the thing that you are trying to sell or the thing that you are trying to
persuade the other person to do. But the point is that you will start out by
adding in some discomfort or fear for the target before providing them with the
solution that will make things all better.

Trial ballooning

Another option that you can use is known as trial ballooning or trial
closing. This is the starting point, and it is relevant whether you are the seller or
the buyer in the negotiation. The idea is to start out with the final solution that
you would like to end up. You will just put that information out there and see if
the thing works.

With this tactic, there is nothing wrong with going a little bit big right
from the beginning. Being the one to make the first offer in this kind of
exchange will usually put you in the worst position because you have shown all
of your cards and this is why it is so important for you to go as bold as possible.
When you start out with an aggressive offer, it will provide the anchor that is
needed to help you get a good deal. The other person is going to bring you
down from that anchor spot so going high helps you to get closer to your goals.

And you never know, your big offer may not seem so bad to the other
person, and they may be willing to just give in right from the beginning. If the
other person is really in a hurry to come to a resolution, they will really take this
balloon offer, and you will come out ahead.

Auction model

This strategy is a good one to put in place if you are working with more
than one buyer at the same time. Otherwise, it is not going to be the best one.
With this method, you want to play one of the parties against the others so that
there is a buying frenzy and it is more likely that the price is going to be driven
up, no matter what you are trying to sell.

It is human nature to be competitive, and when they are faced with some
opposition to something that they would like, their primitive instincts are going
to come out. Possession seems to be an innate for most of us, especially if we
haven't gone through to rationally appraise the real use for the item ahead of
time. The persuader will be able to use their advantage, getting all the buyers in
the deal to jump on board and try to pay more than the other person.
 As you can see, there are a lot of different techniques that you can use
when it comes to being successful with persuasion. The one that you will
choose often depends on the goals that you have in mind, what you are trying to
persuade the other person to do, your comfort level, and how hard the other
person will be to persuade. Try a few of them out and see which one works the
best for you.
 Chapter 5: Persuading and Influencing
People Using Manipulation

Human being as a social being is in constant communication for many

reasons, giving information, getting information, asking for help, making
promises, telling your feelings and thoughts, or trying to learn someone else's
feelings and thoughts, and so on. Communication is established within a certain
structure and order.

The concept of persuasion is defined in the dictionary as follows:

Convincing, convincing; deceit; “Based on this definition, it will not be wrong
to consider persuasion as a form of communication that is realized to achieve
the desired aims.” Indeed, when we look carefully, it can be seen that the
difference between daily communication and persuasion is to achieve the
desired goal. Not every communication phenomenon that is established in daily
life is intended for persuasion, asking someone's memory only aims to learn
about the person's condition and health. However, rather than persuading a
person on a particular issue, it should be dealt with to uncover the desired
change in the person who is exposed in the final analysis, which should be
established with a certain systematic structure.

In the meantime, an important issue should be included here. It is also the

effects of communication and how they occur. The effects of communication
are:

1. Change in the recipient's level of knowledge

2. Changes in the attitude of the recipient

 3. A change in the receiver's opens behavior.

In the second stage, the attitude change that came into the agenda is also
realized in three ways:

1. Strengthening or strengthening the existing attitude

2. Change of existing attitude

3. New attitude formation

The effects of communication are often expected to occur sequentially

and usually do. It is possible to see the effect of communication to a large extent
in the change that may occur in open behavior. This is where the difference
between daily communication and persuasion comes up. Persuasive
communication is the expected and desired changes in attitude and open
behavioral changes that will occur after the information is given. The attitude
change that is expected to occur is determined by some attitude measurement
techniques (Likert scale, etc.) developed in cases where open behavioral change
can’t be observed clearly or if it’s not possible for different reasons, for
example, an individual's Facebook, and so on. If it is desired to learn the
attitude towards social media, a questionnaire consisting of expressions
reflecting this attitude can be prepared. These statements; it allows people to
share, enjoy the time, etc. can. It is possible to say that a Likert-type scale was
used to measure the attitudes of the respondents to measure attitudes.

The concept and process of persuasion is a subject that has been studied
intensively. In general, the biggest factors contributing to the success and failure
of communication emerge as convincing communication and its proper
structuring. With good understanding and knowledge of persuasive techniques;
an educator, an advertiser, or a politician, in other words, it is possible to
evaluate anyone whose purpose is to change the thoughts and actions of others.
It should not be ignored that some essential variables exist in persuasion. Each
of the variables in persuasion must be identifiable, distinguishable, and
measurable. Scientists working in this field, these variables fall under two
headings. These are called “dependent variables” and “independent variables.
Arguments are made or occur with the communication process. We know what
these variables will be, how they will be formed, and predict and produce their
effects. Dependent variables, on the other hand, have to be done, and
convincingly. We often hope to replace dependent variables with independent
variables that we manage and control. Dependent and independent variables are
called a convincing communication matrix.

The convincing communication matrix is a precise and complete data

about all dependent and independent variables in human relationships
throughout human life. Independent variables should be considered in many
aspects and aspects of communication. However, dependent variables occur
only when a person receives a persuasive message in terms of the information
process. The main issue that needs to be emphasized about independent
variables is the operation of the basic process of communication: “who, whom,
what, through which channel and what kind of influences. The arguments that
make up every convincing communication state appear in this case as “source,
message, channel, receiver, and purpose. The dependent variables of the
persuasive communication matrix are divided into six steps according to the
characteristics of new behaviors, events, and phenomena in which the person is
convinced. First, a convincing message must be presented. The second step is
the participation of the target person in the communication, and this person
needs to understand what is to be discussed. It’s important that the recipient
supports communication until the message is sent later and third. The fourth
step is the understanding of the message, as well as the acceptance of the
recipient or at least verbal adjustment. The fifth step is the most basic
requirement. This step is the ability to accept until the effect can be measured.
The sixth and last step or dependent variable is the ability of the target person to
show the new behavior as open behavior. For example; depending on the main
objective of the persuasion campaign, the purchase of a certain product, the
selection of the candidate or leaving a harmful habit, etc. they are always
concrete indicators of this last dependent variable. An analysis in the context of
dependent and independent variables can help organize ideas about persuasion.
The persuasion process is analyzed at all levels of communication.

These steps are as follows: Source of communication, form, content, and

organization of communication, characteristics of the channel to which the
message will be delivered, ability and characteristics of the intended recipient
and intended behavior and attitude changes. Thus, under these five headings of
communication, the efficiency of the persuasive communication process
performed under the six steps of the dependent variables of persuasion is
defined and evaluated. Examination of the persuasion process shows the
importance of understanding and attention in a way. For example; when asked
what kind of connection can be made between an intelligent buyer and
persuasion, he will probably tell you that only a much smarter individual can
convince that person. In other words, the more knowledgeable and intelligent
person can only direct the person's point of view to another party. This point
shows the variables of the connection between intelligence and persuasive
communication. However, other points that should not be forgotten are the role
and importance of attention and acceptance in the persuasion process.
 Persuasion Techniques

The basis of persuasion is to direct the other person to the thought you
desire and to make it normal in the basic belief and vision system. To simplify,
it is to make the other person think the way you want. That's exactly what it
means to convince. If the other person thinks the way you want, you can take
the action that you want to take, that is, buying a product or consuming a
product. Located below are techniques to persuade and convince some of the
most effective techniques effectively. Persuasion techniques are not limited to
these, but they are important for efficiency. You may encounter many other
techniques of persuasion, such as rewarding, punishing, creating a positive or
negative perception.

1. Creating Needs

One of the best methods of persuasion is to create a need or to reassure an

old need. This question of need is related to self-protection and compatibility
with basic emotions such as love. This technique is one of the biggest trumps of
marketers in particular. They try to sell their products or services using this
technique. The kind of approaches that express the purchase of a product to
make one feel safe or loving is part of the need-building technique.

2. Touching Social Needs

The basis of the technique of touching social needs are factors such as
being popular, having the prestige, or having the same status as others. The
advertisements on television are the ideal examples. People who buy the
products in these advertisements think that they will be like the person in the
advertisement or they will be as prestigious. The main reason why persuasion
techniques such as touching social needs are effective is related to television
advertising. Many people watch television for at least 1-2 hours a day and
encounter these advertisements.

3. Use of Meaningful and Positive Words

Sometimes it is necessary to use magic words to be convincing. These

magic words are meaningful and positive words. Advertisers know these
positive and meaningful words intimately. It is very important for them to be
able to use them. The words “New,” “Renewed,” “All Natural,” “Most
Effective” are the most appropriate examples of these magic words. Using these
words, advertisers try to promote their products and thus make the
advertisements more convincing for the liking of the products.

4. Use of Foot Technique

This technique is frequently used in the context of persuasion techniques.

Processing way is quite simple. You make a person do something very small
first because you think you can't refuse it. Once the other person has done so,
you will try to get him to do more, provided that he is consistent within himself.
First, you sell a product to a person at a very low price. Then you get him to buy
a product at higher prices. In the first step, you attract him to yourself, so you
convince him to buy it. In the second step, you convince yourself to buy
products at a higher price. Their acceptance of a small thing will help you to
fulfill the next big demand from you. After refusing the small request from the
other party, you feel a duty to make a big request from the same person. This is
usually the case in human relations. For example, you agree when your
neighbor comes and asks you if you can keep an eye on the shop for a few
hours. If your neighbor comes to ask you to look at the shop all day, you will
feel responsible and probably accept it. This means that the technique of putting
a foot on the door is successfully applied.

5. Use of Orientation from Big to Small

 The tendency to ask from big to small is the exact opposite of the
technique of putting a foot on the door. The salesperson makes an unrealistic
request from the other person. Naturally, this demand doesn’t correspond.
However, the salesperson makes a request that is smaller than the same person.
People feel responsible for such approaches, and they accept the offer. Since the
request is small, by accepting it, people have the idea that they will help the
salespeople and the technique of moving from big to small requests works.

6. Use of Reciprocity

Reciprocity is a term for mutual progress of a business. When a person

does you a kindness, you feel the need to do him a favor. This is one example of
reciprocity. For example, if someone bought you a gift on your birthday, you
would try to pay back that gesture. This is more of a psychological approach
because people don’t forget the person who does something for them and tries
to respond. For marketers, the situation is slightly different from human
relations. Reciprocity takes place here in the form of a marketer offering you an
interim extra discount” or “extra promotion... You are very close to buying the
product introduced by the marketer you think offers a special offer.

7. Making Limits for Interviews

Setting a limit for negotiations is to provide an approach that will affect

future copyrights. This is particularly effective when negotiating prices. For
example, if you are trying to negotiate a price to sell a service, it might make
more sense to start by opening the price from a higher number. Opening from a
low number is not the right method because you have weakened your stretching
share.

Even if the limitation for negotiations is not always useful, it’s

particularly useful in terms of price negotiation. Say the first number and get on
with the bargaining advantage.
 8. Limitation Technique

Restriction technique is one of the most powerful methods to influence

human psychology. You can see this mostly in places selling products. For
example, if a store has a discount on a particular product, it may limit it to 500
products. This limitation can be a true limitation or a part of the limitation
technique. So you think that you will not find the product at that price again and
you agree to buy that product at the specified price. The restriction technique is
particularly useful in new products. As soon as a new product goes on sale, you
can convince people to buy it for a limited time or by selling a limited quantity
of products with extra promotions or discounts. People who think that the
product will not be sold again at a similar price may choose to buy the product
you have chosen thanks to the success of your persuasion technique. Persuasion
techniques are not limited to these. Different techniques can provide more
successful results in various fields. However, most of the techniques that we
may encounter in our daily lives consist of the methods here. If you want to be a
marketer, if you are trying to sell a product or service, you need to have detailed
information about these techniques if you want to make them available.

Difference between Persuasion and Manipulation

There are many similarities between Persuasion and Manipulation as the

two words confuse non-English individuals: Natives too. There are many
comparisons between the two concepts, and because of the overlap, people
think these two can be used interchangeably. There are convincing good people,
and there are good manipulators. Both try to make sense and encourage others
to accept their views. However, although there are similarities in manipulation
to making a cousin or persuasive sibling, there are differences to be
emphasized.

Persuasion
 Persuasion is a behavior from someone else directed in a specific
direction. You've managed to convince when you try to explain a certain way of
behavior logically and correctly, and others accept your opinion that they think
is of mutual benefit. If you have good marks on your test and you asked your
mother for an expensive gift, you are trying to convince her to buy you a gift.
This persuasion is convincing because it sees the logic behind your request and
buys gifts. The salesperson is persuaded to sell a product or service to
customers as he tries to create the need for the product or service in the
customer's mind.

Manipulation

Manipulation is the act of exploiting the instability of others and

misleading them to accept your point of view. Manipulation is not mutually
beneficial, only advantageous for the manipulator. At the subconscious level,
people strive to control each other in an organization or a family. Instead of
persuading them for their benefit, they try to manipulate them. Manipulation
can also be for the good of the person, even as a child's mother says that instead
of eating all of them from the cookie jar, they can get a cookie. This creates the
possibility of illusion, and your child can easily accept for fear of losing the jar
without a single cookie. You manipulated the child's behavior for his good.
Manipulation can also be bad, and manipulation is bad because the manipulator
aims to trick and benefit from it.

The distinction between persuasion and manipulation

• Manipulation, managing others to benefit flawlessly.

• Persuading a particular person to change his or her thinking logically

and rationally by reasoning with himself or by presenting arguments
 • Manipulators can achieve short-term success, but people know who is
manipulated and who convinces them in the long run.

• Persuasion is the art of achieving what you want by creating changes in

the behavior of others, but it is manipulation. However, the difference is your
intention.

• A person with good communication skills but malicious intent is

dangerous because he can be a good manipulator.
 Chapter 6: Manipulation Techniques

Manipulators are all around us. They could be your friends, neighbors,
boss, colleagues, or even your life partner also. But it is not easy to identify
them. Of course, they live with disappearing characters and personality
traits……..

No one moves with having a tag of psychopath or narcissist on their

forehead…….but they can turn our lives into living hell.

They can use anyone as their prey to feed their anxious nature. These are
disguised psychological vampires, and the only motive they have is to find a
victim to satisfy their psychologically ill mentality.

We are not bound to become the next victim of their charm, but we can
identify them with several traits and by knowing the techniques they use to
manipulate. For manipulators, it is rewarding to learn the art of manipulation,
and in reality, even we can also get the advantage of manipulating techniques to
control the mind of others but still, it is important to draw an ethical line for
testing your abilities.

It is a different debate here I am sharing you some very common

techniques to manipulate people.
 Mirroring Technique:

This very famous manipulating technique involves two steps:

Initially, you need to act as a mirror image of the person whom you are
going to manipulate, and in the second step, the process gets reversed. Behavior
coping is a basic tool for this technique. Copy every quality you notice in your
subject from body language to tonality, and from face and hand gestures to
communicating and behaving abilities…..just do everything in their way, and
they will notice you and they will start to feel more close and connected with
you. And this will be the right time to implement further manipulation methods
on the vulnerable subject.

Manipulation requires the complete trust of your subject; otherwise, it

becomes really hard to manipulate anyone. Mirroring is a slow but highly
effective technique to make you closer to your subject, and other techniques
will easily influence the mind of the subject but don’t consider it a kind of
magic to be done within seconds or minutes it may get prolonged to hours and
days.

CAUTION: perform mirroring with as carefully as possible otherwise,

your mirroring attempts could make the subject suspicious about you. And once
you lose the connection, it is near impossible to recover the early position.
 Love Bombing Technique:

But love bombing is not as simple as this proverb; it is a complex and

typical technique usually used by Narcissists. Manipulators use it in the early
phases of interaction to show positive affection, interest, and harmony with the
subject. Being extremely nice to the victim generates an overwhelmingly
positive attitude inside the subject for you. Originally you set an emotional trap
for the subject and grip the sentiments of the subject easy to manipulate.

This technique is not for everyone, but it is highly applicable for the
people who have a lack of love and happiness in their lives. And they always
remain in need of getting the attention and care from anywhere.

CAUTION: it is important to keep your intentions and objectives hidden

and don’t start to manipulate your subject just after quick love bombing but give
them some time to become used to.
 Good Listener Technique:

Please understand the tricks of manipulation. It is not just about hacking

someone’s brain and makes them do whatever you wish. It is about grabbing the
trust and better understanding of your subject. And to understand anyone, it is
essential to know them. The best way to know a person is listening to them.

Becoming a good listener for your subject establishes an illusion of

comfort and friendship between both of you. The subject starts trusting you and
feels relaxed to discuss their daily routine, personal and professional issues, and
their social and love life with you. Their life becomes an open book for you.
The only things you need to do are listening to them quietly or just pretend as a
good listener in front of them.

You not only need to listen and forget everything, but for manipulating it
is also required to make them realize that you care for them by repeating their
discussed information in a wisely manner.

CAUTION: Good listening technique is not all about listening and then
replicating everything like a parrot but use the important part of information
according to the requirements of the situation.
 Trapping Personality Technique:

Life is a bed of roses for beautiful people. But it is a half-truth, beauty

attracts the eyes, but the heart responds to the personality. Admiring beauty and
personality is something in human nature. And using the charisma and charm of
your personality wisely is the skill requirements for manipulation.

Beauty counts, but still, you need to work on your personality. Positive
attitude with perfect body language, approachable and welcoming gesture and
command on word power are the weapons to hunt the subject for manipulation.
Always be a self-confident person and make people feel great being with you. It
will help you to win every race of life individually, personally, and
professionally.

CAUTION: Avoid over doings and never become overconfidence because

no one likes a brash person regardless of how attractive, charming, and well
personality he has.
 Fear And Relief Technique:

It is documented and highly researched technique for manipulation. Even

this technique causes so much anxiety and stress, but anyhow it is extremely
adequate. Fear and relief technique manipulate people by playing with their
emotions.

It is a simple two steps method:

Firstly set a fear for something in your subjects mind to make

him feel up guarded and unprotected.
In the second part give your subject an offer to provide relief
against their fear.

But what actually can make a person scared is the most challenging part
of this technique. Seriously it is not possible to make people feared from some
kind of evil dead and zombie kind of things. You better search keenly for their
real fears and the situations and sentiments that can make them scared.
Analyzing the subject properly reveals their terrors and frightening to you. Just
be little creative and use their relationships, career, aims, and goals of life for
frightening them.

CAUTION: It is not only about making your subject feared, but you must
have the solution to rescue them from their consternation.
 Guilty Approach Technique:

Nobody wants to become a villain or desires to become guilty. So try to

understand the power of making people feel guilty and use this technique for
your best. You create a psychological effect to obligate make people feel guilty
of their some kind of act or behavior by using some emotionally catchy and
pinching sentences like ‘’I was never expecting this kind of evil/cruel gesture
from you’’, or ‘’I always helped you in every situation no matter what it was,
but you disappointed me.’’

No one wants to spoil their good image, and ultimately the subject feels
like fulfilling your demand. And at this point, you can plant your theory in their
subconscious and let them move with the flow.

CAUTION: you have to be very careful with this technique; otherwise,

you might be suspected of being manipulating people.

All these manipulating techniques work to provide you easy prey. It is not
possible to get the same results every time with a technique. Every time you
manipulate a different person with almost different qualities and flaws.
Sometimes it just happens within no time, and sometimes it takes a long and
exhausting period of implementing the tricks on the victim.

In addition to all these techniques, you have to combine your looks and
verbal communication skills also. Crucially you need to work on:

Technique + Verbal communication + Appearance = Perfect manipulating

personality
 Application Of Manipulation Techniques

Everyone considers manipulation as a real danger. We feel scared of

manipulators and try to identify them for our protection. But still, all of us
become the victims of manipulation almost every day.

Yes, we are surrounded with people, groups, and industries who are
manipulating us 24 x 7 for their hidden interests. The surprising thing about this
kind of manipulation is ‘’no complains about being manipulated or being fool’’.

Manipulation is converted into art now. In this era of technology and

science, it is becoming essential to manipulate people for certain reasons. These
reasons are sometimes good, but most of the times not. Applications of
manipulation in the field of psychology and medical are acceptable because
occasionally, it is essential to manipulate a mentally ill patient for their recovery
and treatments.

Here are some other applications of manipulation we observe in our daily

life and never complained about these:
 Marketing And Manipulation:

Have you ever experienced yourself singing, dancing, and performing

some kind of unreal stunts while opening a can of a soft drink?????

Or after eating a bar of chocolate, you ever transferred to an amazing

world where everything is made up of chocolate???

Ok, let’s change the question….

Have you ever seen girls attacking you just after spraying a deodorant or
body spray???

In reality, nothing happens like that……Agree!!!!!

All these are manipulating tact’s to convince and attract you towards that
particular product. Marketing is a technique to boost business and converting
viewers into customers to increase sale. All these marketing tricks not only sell
a product directly but in actual they manipulate your mind with an experience
that appeals us, and we move our hands toward our wallets to bring out money
for observing the same kind of sensation and transformation.

But sadly things never play out as they do in commercials and movies.
Marketers not only manipulate customers in only a fictional way as I mentioned
before, but they consider marketing as love or war where all is fair. They use
manipulation, or you may call it brainwashing also to sell their products by
using some marketing manipulation techniques as advertisements and
marketing tools.

• product placement: Marketers insert their product in TV

dramas, shows, and movies for promotion, and it works. It is a powerful
strategy to relate a product with your favorite program or personality.
 • promotions: Bargaining is something that fascinates us.
Marketers manipulate the price of products and present a scam offer. They raise
the prices of products before a sale and then implement eye-catching and
tempting discount signs like 50% off, Sale, Buy one get one free, etc.

• emotions: We are emotional beings, and marketers get

benefits by manipulating our emotions. They create an emotional and
sentimental story that we love to see again and again and try to relate with it by
building positive feelings with the brands. Although marketers also manipulate
with generating negative feelings, fear and anxiety-like; promotions are ending
soon, limited stock, and one time offer, etc.

• expert opinions: All of us observe some kind of expert-

based promotions of certain products. In these advertisements, they present
doctors or professionals promoting products with some serious names that give
a feel of an institute. Do any of us ever think about their credibility? But
unconsciously start following their advice considering that product as reliable
and recommended by the experts.

• social proofs: sometimes, marketers use the same strategy

of expert opinion by involving common people. Mostly this promotion tact is
the main part of online shopping and promotions. Online reviews are 80%
effective for the next purchase, and we trust these reviews for our next
purchase.
 Media And Manipulation:

There was a time media persons remain in search of news for most of the
time, but now the situation is changed. Now the media produces the news. They
provide us nothing but distortion and fabrication. It is nice to think media as a
trustworthy and reliable medium, but this is not true. They have the power to
change a useless and foolish kind of information into highly trending and
breaking news by using catchy titles and attractive headlines. In the mean, while
they convert an important hot issue into a completely vulnerable subject.

In a nut, shell media is shaping up everything we hear, watch or read.

Media has changed its medium from being informative to being more
entertaining. The better the entertainment, the more profit media channels will
generate.

In actual, media is manipulation with our subconscious. We think that we

are keeping in touch with the happening all around the world, but originally we
just click and click for the profit generation and benefits of folks. Some
techniques media use to manipulate us are:

• know the public very well: complete information about the

subject is the first step of manipulation. Media has all the information about
every single person thanks to our modern autocracy. In simple words,
unfortunately, the system knows us and provides a strong base to media
agencies for manipulation.

• emotional appeal: Media controls the thoughts of viewers

and keeps them far away from critical thinking. Media appeals to our emotions
and triggers sentiments of the public.

• gradualism: Media creates awareness slowly and starts

preparing the public for ‘’big news’’. This, in actual, helps media to manipulate
the public for accepting a socially unjust situation. This gradualism slowly but
effectively dilutes the resistance and agitation from the public for a particular
issue.

• adults or children: Media treats their viewers like children.

They consider the audience so much immature to handle the reality that is why
they use sugarcoated modulations, actions, and characters to generate a
compliant and submissive reaction.

• distraction: Media manipulates the minds of people by

flooding the news about trivial issues and occupies their minds completely. The
reason behind this strategy is to deviate public attention from real issues and
stopping them from questioning certain issues.
 Politics And Manipulation:

Do you know why you cast a vote for a party or politician?

Do you know about their real policies and planning for the betterment of
the country?

Or it was just about observing their campaigns, TV interviews, and live

sessions?

Politics is broken. Yes, it is a dirty game where people/politicians

manipulate the sentiments, emotions, and views of the public for the success of
their party and to rule the country. They create nasty political ads to generate
polarization for the ideology to cling with their opinions and agendas.

The most powerful techniques these politicians use to manipulate public

opinion are:

• external threats: By creating outside enemy, they generate

fear in public and manipulate them to go with their foreign policies because
they can deal so much effectively with outer threats.

• excessive use of ‘’protect’’: The word ‘’protect’’ generates

a kind of safe and sound situation regarding anything. Politicians use it
excessively to make us feel that they care for us. They manipulate us by saying,
again and again, the same sentence as; we need to protect X. here X is anything
from women's rights, minority rights, religion, moral values, to social,
educational, and welfare rights.

• disgrace the opponent: Politics is a real nasty. By

disgracing the opponent in politics, these political manipulators achieve many
hidden benefits. People stop caring about the policies, manifesto, and agendas
of opponents. And the feel of compassion for the rival just gets disappeared.
Politicians spread negative rumors and information related to their opponents,
blur the opponent’s personal life and question their integrity and patriotism to
manipulate the public for personal benefits.
 Chapter 7: How to Manipulate People

There are going to be certain times in your life when you will find that
manipulation is going to come in handy. While you know that it is so important
to practice in as many scenarios as you can, there are going to be ones that you
will find manipulation will be the most useful. In this chapter, we are going to
focus on the best places where you can use the skills of manipulation so that
you can get ahead and really benefit from the things that you have learned so
far.

Business Negotiations

When it comes to working on some negotiations in business, it is easy to

see how you want to make sure that you can get your way. Getting your own
way will usually mean that you want to close a better deal, one that is going to
be highly favorable to your own company. Closing these deals, and making sure
that they are in your favor, will mean that your company is able to get most, if
not all, of the things that it is asking for, and that you will barely have to deal
with any inconveniences in the process to do this.

There are a lot of things that you can negotiate during these meetings,
such as better terms on the deals, better pricing on the services, and more, and if
you use your skills in manipulation, you are more likely to get the whole thing
to work in your favor.

When it comes to negotiating on some better deals for the business, you
will find that manipulation is a very powerful tool for you to use. Whether
others like to admit to this or not, negotiations are rarely fair, and there is
usually going to be a person who comes out on top. You want to make sure that
the person who comes out on top is you.

When you use manipulation in these efforts, it means that you are easily
able to dominate the conversation, without the other person even realizing it.
When this happens, others in the negotiation are more likely to give in without
even doing a fight, because they think they are getting something good out of it
as well. Because of this, and all of the good benefits that you can get from this,
you should bring out the manipulation skills that you learn as much as possible
when you are working with a business negotiation.

Closing Sales

If you are at all involved in a sales process at some point, then you know
that it is not always easy to close sales. If you work in retail, for example, you
likely notice that many of the people who come into your store are dreaming
and looking around, and sometimes, they won’t be prepared to buy anything.
Because of this, it can sometimes be valuable to know how to manipulate
people as you can encourage them to spend money that they did not otherwise
intend to spend.

What this means is that when you get the other person to purchase
something through your manipulation techniques, it results in more sales for the
business. If you are the one who owns the company, you know how important
this is. If you are an employee, you know that effective numbers of sales, and
good sales strategies, means that you are more likely to be respected by your
employer, and then you can make it up the ladder of the company.

If you are in a sales position that is considered business to business, then

you know that manipulation is so important. People who end up going to a
meeting with you are likely interested in what you are going to offer, but they
could also be shopping around to a few different companies at the same time,
and you need to find ways that will put your business ahead of all the other
choices that they are considering.

Knowing how to use the right skills of manipulation at any level of sales
means that they can close more deals and that they will be left with happier
customers. This only means that good things are going to be available for you in
the future.

Getting Prices That Are Better

You can use manipulation from the other side of the perspective as well. If
you are the customer and knowing how to manipulate during this time can be
highly valuable. As you know, many times the salespeople have been given
some room to negotiate with their customers in order to encourage sales. This
means that if you are willing to use some manipulation and work with them,
you can get a special and better deal. You are able just to take the price, but
wouldn’t it be much better for you to go through and get a better price if you are
able to.

Being effective at manipulation means that you can easily manipulate

companies to give you the best in deals for services and products. By promising
them your praise and services, for example, you can essentially get them in the
palm of your hand. They become far more willing to communicate with their
managers and negotiate the best possible deal for you so that you will actively
buy from them. Salespeople, especially those who are based on commission, are
always eager to close a deal. This allows you to use manipulation in order to get
the deal to close in your favor.

Leading the Desired Lifestyle That You Want

 Each person has a goal about the desired lifestyle that they would like to
have—but the lifestyle that you have right now, and the one that you desire,
might not always be the same thing. However, the good thing about using
manipulation is that you are able to use it to help you get to the desired lifestyle.
There are a lot of ways that you can do this—you just need to learn how to
make it work.

Let’s say that right now you are living in a house that you are renting, and
you want to buy your own home at some point—but right now, the types of
homes that you are the most interested in purchasing are not within the price
that you can purchase. However, with the right kind of manipulation, you may
find that you are able to get a better deal, putting you into the home of your
dreams sooner as you would like. This can work with any of the big-ticket items
that you would like to purchase, such as cars.

Another way that this can work is with some of the relationships that you
are in. If you are someone who would like to find a new group of friends, the
friends who are going to help you reflect your new lifestyle, you may find that
working with manipulation is going to help you out. You can also use the art of
persuasion to convince others to become your friends and spend time with you
—and from that, you will then have the friends that you need to live this new
lifestyle.

Take this a step further and see how it can work with some of your
intimate relationships. If this kind of relationship doesn’t look like the one that
you would like, then you can bring in some manipulation and see if it is
possible to make the right changes towards a better relationship. If you want to
have more romance, for example, you would spend some time with fancier
places or people.
 Getting Out of Things

Have you ever gotten into a situation where you were asked to do
something, but you didn’t have any want to do it? All of the time we are going
to be signed up for things, or given offers, that we aren’t really that interested in
—and sometimes, it can feel difficult to turn these things down in a polite
manner. Depending on who is asking for the favor, you may feel obligated to
help them out with it.

However, once you learn how to work with manipulation a bit more, you
will find that this is not as big of a problem for you anymore. You may even
find that this is a good place to start when it comes to practicing your
manipulation. You can bring it up any time that you get stuck doing something
that you would rather not be doing.

Not only are you able to use manipulation for your benefit to get out of
the reunions or things that family and friends want you to help out with, but you
can also use it at work as well. If your boss went and signed you up for
something that you don’t want to do, you can use manipulation to convince
them to let you get out of it, or you can convince someone else to go and do the
work for you.

You can use manipulation in any manner that you would like to make sure
that you are able to live the life that you want. It can help you to get the
business negotiations to work the way that you want, to help you get the
friendships, relationships, and to get yourself out of the things that you don’t
want to do. There are just so many different things that you are able to use
manipulation with, and this can be a great way to ensure that you have the life
that you have always dreamed about.
 Chapter 8: Deception

There are ways people use deception; sometimes, the deception is self-
deception, while at other times, other people deceive someone else for selfish
gains like money or getting confidential information that should not be shared.

Self-deception does not only involve lying to ourselves but also consists
of the mind playing tricks on us. With lying, someone is aware of the truth but
chooses not to use the truth but instead lie while self-deception people convince
themselves unconsciously that a lie is a truth. In self-deception, a person does
not realize when they are telling a lie. There are various types of self-deception
which include:

Functional self-deception – a person will lie to themselves and

even go ahead to convince himself that what he just did is not wrong. A person
in this will try to turn a lie into a truth so that it can suit them best. A person
who continues to continually deceive themselves this way does not face any
risks because they will not see the need for taking a chance no matter how
beneficial the risk is. They will convince themselves that the risk is not worth
taking.
Value and believe - a person here deceives themselves that the
more expensive something is, the more valuable it is. They place worthiness at
the value level. If something does not seem valuable to them, they will not go
for it. This might make such a person continue chasing things that are valuable
but not helpful to them. They think the difficult it is to attain it the worthy it is,
so much time may be lost while trying to get something that wasn’t going to
help them in any way.
 Consolatory self-deception - in this, somebody refuses to be
accountable for anything and instead continually tries to find the nearest person
to blame for everything. For such people, nothing is ever their fault; it's always
the other person's fault that something didn't work in a certain way. Such a
person is unlikely ever to face their problems because they do not acknowledge
them, to begin with.
Lying to others to assure yourself is also another form of self-
deception. You tend to make small lies when talking to people until the lies
become your truth somehow. Such people lie to others until they also end up
forgetting what the truth was, to begin with. The lie becomes so real that even
the truth now becomes a lie. The mind somehow captures the dishonesty, and
therefore, the truth is easily forgotten.

The other deception, which is very dangerous involves offenders trying to

deceive people in a criminal way. The scammers will get their targeted victims,
who will cheat and up sometimes robbing them of a lot of money, getting very
confidential information, and sometimes even risking the victim's life. Such
offenders are criminals who are continually sought after by the law enforcers.
Sometimes they are able to get away with it but at the expense of living the
victim in a tragedy of loss and having to deal with the recovery of whatever
they have lost from the perpetrators.

Art of deception has been well mastered by some individuals to exploit

people into disclosing confidential and personal information, which may be
used for scheming purposes. The art of deception is a way of brainwash people
to achieve a sure selfish thing. It involves social engineering manipulation,
which is the psychological tricking of other people for them to do or disclose
their personal information. A lot of malicious activities happen when people
interact. People are tricked into making security errors and giving out the very
sensitive information that may work against them in the long run.
 Social engineering attacks happen when people take a lot of sensitive
issues for granted. An offender will first carry out his investigation on his
targeted victim and gather as much information as he could get. The
information may include social security details that the victim doesn’t think is
very important. The offender will then try to befriend the victim and gain his
trust before proceeding to expose the information by either releasing it or
sharing with other sources that may have hired him.
 The Attacks May Involve the Following Life Cycle

8. Preparation – an offender gets their intended victim, gets all the

information needed to base the attack, finds the best strategy or method to carry
out the attack.
9. Approach – making friends with the intended victim, faking a
believable story so that the victim may be free with them,
10. Gathering more information – this involves tricking the already
made friend who is the victim to give more additional information, delivery of
the attack after all the information has been collected, and there is no loophole,
destruction of data.
11. Sealing the deal - the offender erases any evidence that may tie
him to the crime, covers all the track to ensure that his attack is not easily
traceable, Making a natural exit as if nothing happened and as if he is not aware
of anything related to those activities.
12. The most dangerous aspect of this whole social engineering thing
is that it is dependent on human mistakes or recklessness. The software and
operating system are highly efficient, but when somebody makes a mistake,
there is nothing that can prevent this attack from happening. It is very difficult
to predict human errors and, therefore, the vulnerabilities.
13. Social engineering can happen at any time, anywhere in the world,
as long as there is human interaction. Below is a list of some of the most and
widely known social engineering attacks that exist.
 Social Engineering Techniques

Baiting is a deliberate attempt to try and provoke someone or

something. Baiting attacks involve giving fake promises to provoke the greed or
curiosity of the victim. A victim is lured into a trap where their information is
stolen, or their system is inflicted with malware. The most common type of
baiting involves the use of media to distribute malware. An example of this is
when an offender intentionally put a malware-infected flash where the victim is
most likely to access like in a mall, in the washrooms, or parks where the victim
can quickly get hold of it. The bait has an original look and has a label that may
indicate things that the victim is most likely to be interested in. When the victim
picks up the flash, and due to curiosity inserts the flash inside a home or work
computer, there will be an automatic installation of the malware on the system.
Scareware involves constant scaring of people with false alarms
or fabricated threats. The victim is made to think that his system has a malware
infection, which may make them install software that is not really needed for
the victim but may be useful to the offender or even be deceived into installing
the malware itself without them realizing that it is malware. Scareware is also
called deception software or “Fraudware." The most famous or used shareware
includes the pop-up banners that pop up on someone's browser when they are
on the screen that screams that the computer is infected and may need to be
cleaned. What the pop-up banner offers a person is the installation of a tool that
may be malware of may be infected with malware. You may also be directed to
a site that has infections, and when you get to the site, the computer now
becomes infected. Often scareware is distributed as a pop-up banner in the mails
as a spam mail or even as a buy offer to buy things online with very low prices
or even in the form of very catchy promotions. If someone does all or one of the
above, their computer will be infected.
 Pretexting – the deception here is wisely crafted with trickery
lies involved. An offender will trick the victim by engaging them and asking for
sensitive, confidential information so that the offender can be able to perform a
specific task for the victim. Usually, the task includes something that may help
the victim. To be able to achieve this, the attacker will first try to engage the
victim by impersonation. They may pretend to be a family member, friend, co-
worker, police, bank official, or any person with authority to make such
inquisitions. The offender will begin by asking questions that are intended to
gather a victim’s real identity from which they will then be able to gather
confidential information. The pretext may ask questions about the social
number details pretending to be the police, and later use the features to access
all the data belonging to the victim. This scam is used to gather the most
detailed information that is supposed to be a top-secret, and that could quickly
bring a person down. The information may include social number details, bank
statements, personal address, personal number, phone’s recording, and even
information that gives a person their security. With this information lying on the
wrong hands, destruction is very easy, and that’s why it is essential to be sure of
who you are sharing your details with.
Phishing is one of the most well-known social engineering
attack types. Phishing involves mail, text messages that are intended to create a
sense of fear, curiosity, and urgency to the victims. When the victims are at this
phase of fear and curiosity, the offender makes the victim reveal their most
sensitive information by clicking on links of the most dangerous websites or
even by accessing malware-infected websites. The example of this scam is an
online service provider tricks the user into thinking that they have violated the
policy and need an essential password change with immediate effect. To change
the password, one is required to follow a specific link that usually leads them to
a dangerous website that looks exactly as the real website or the actual legit
version of the site, and then the victim will be trusting enough to enter the
relevant information plus password. Once this information is fed on the website
its sent and immediately gets to the offender, since most of these scam emails
are usually the same or most likely to be the same, and only changed in several
areas to make them seem more authentic and yet sent to everyone, it’s very easy
for them to be detected and blocked before they get to a lot of innocent victims.
The mail servers should try tracing them so that they are blocked on time
because they have access to threat sharing forums.
Spear phishing is a version of the phishing scam, and attackers
in this scam choose specific individuals or companies. They fake the messages
based on a person's well-known identity or character, positions they hold at their
workplace, and people that the victim well knows so that it is easily believable.
Spearfishing requires so much time and work for the attacker and takes longer
for the attacker to implement. This is because it is harder for them to gather
everything and also apply, although it's also the best rewarding method for the
attacker. A spear-phishing attack may involve someone pretends to be the
company's IT guy, and he may send emails to a specific or several employees.
The mail is written precisely as an IT guy would and also have the same
signature as the IT guy. It is, therefore, very easy for the mail recipients to think
it's an authentic message because of how detailed and genuine it looks. The
email may persuade the recipients to change their password by following a link
that the offender intends them to follow for them to be able to capture the
company’s details. There are several ways that people can avoid and stop this
kind of scams.
Vishing – sometimes, the attackers are not always using the
internet to scam, but then other scammers will use the phone calls. What the
scammers will do is create an interactive voice response system of a certain
company. They will then manipulate people to call using the toll-free number.
When people fall into this trick, they will enter their details before making the
calls, and therefore, the attackers will get access to their information in this way.
 Tailgating – Here, attackers will get help from someone on the
inside who can access the information on their behalf or even who can tip them
on various issues.
Quid pro quo – this involves people impersonating the technical
support team. They will make calls to a particular company and pretend to be
trying to solve a technical issue. The offender will try to solve un existing
hitches through the phone call by making the victim do precisely as they want
or intend them to. This kind of scam involves a reward from the offender in
exchange for the information they will get.
 Social Engineering Prevention

Social engineering is a scam intended to manipulate people by playing

with their emotions by creating fear or curiosity for the attackers to be able to
gather information. There are, therefore, cautions that a person can take in order
to avoid these scams. Emails received should be taken with great caution,
reading, analyzing, and getting to know every detail before acting on them. Be
alert of all the pop-ups, promotions or adverts, and any digital information that
is just at the disposal.

Improving emotional intelligence is the most significant prevention of any

manipulation. The attackers will try to play with your emotions; what they most
want from you is to make you fearful, guilty, and anxious. A person with high
emotional intelligence cannot be played in this manner and is therefore safe
from manipulation.

Be cautious of your environment before accessing your account or any

activity on the internet. One glance at your computer from the wrong person
might significantly expose your confidential information.

Avoid and stop opening emails from sources that are not well known to
you. If you are not familiar with the sender, you should not feel obligated to
reply to an mail. And even though you know the sender but the message seems
suspicious, or you do not understand the message, it's good to do a follow up
before acting on the mail. To do this confirmation, you may call them through
their phones to hear directly from them, or instead of following the link; you
should go directly to the server's original site to be sure. It’s good to always
remember that emails are hacked all the time, and even though the source of the
email may be genuine, he may have been hacked himself, and the attackers used
his mail to scam you.
 Multifactor method – the essential information for an attacker is user
credentials. The multifactor authentication enables a person to secure their
account so that in case the system is compromised; your mind is still safe. The
security information of the report should always be safeguarded.

Being careful of all those too good to be genuine offers is very important.
Attackers know how to play with your mind, and suggestions are very enticing.
Next time before you click an offer link, it’s good to pause and think because
you might be protecting yourself from a massive scam. You may decide to look
the offer up on google to find out if the offer is indeed genuine or not.

Keeping your computer’s antivirus updated is also very important.

Regularly updating the antivirus should be a norm or downloading a new
antivirus on a daily basis. Then the next thing should be continually checking
the computers to make sure that the system has no infections.

Attackers are very daring because they will get a person’s phone number
and make the victim the most irresistible offer. They are very friendly because
they intend to make you trust them. Sometimes they will ask the victims for
money in order for the victim to get the offer, which is usually much valuable
than the money they are asking for. This art of deception is called a Fraud. But
then the extreme of deception is when attackers decide to use psychological
games of deceit with the victim who is now the social engineering.

Sometimes attackers do not just manipulate for financial gains.

Sometimes the attackers will manipulate to gather information. This
manipulation sometimes involves even having your friends manipulating you
for them to access your password.
 Chapter 9: Using NLP to Manage People

When it comes to managing people effectively, it’s important that you

first understand the non-verbal cues they provide, in order to be able to apply
your skills toward influencing them. This is an important principle in applying
the NLP technique. Following are a few NLP techniques that can allow you to
influence people’s perception and thinking:
 Deciphering eye movements

The reason it is important to understand the meaning of eye movements is

that each eye movement tells its own tale. For instance, when you’re searching
for the right word, or trying to remember a name, you automatically move your
eyes in a certain way (most likely, squinting). Rolling the eyes signals contempt,
or exasperation. Winking indicates flirtation, or a joke. Widening the eyes
signals surprise, or shock; even extreme excitement. We’ve discussed earlier,
how eye movements are also implicated in other facial expressions. In fact, the
eyes can reveal much more about people’s mental and emotional status, all on
their own.

Once you understand what other people’s thought processes are, you can
accurately follow a course of action or dialogue which acknowledges the
unspoken response, as signaled by the eyes. And as you may know, eye
movements complement other forms of communication such as hand
movements, speech and, as stated elsewhere in this book and above, facial
expressions. Dilation of the pupils, breathing, angle of the body, position of the
hands – all these are complementary to the spoken message. Still, eye
movement is very important in communication, because every movement is
influenced by particular senses, as well as different parts of the brain.

Here is how you can generally interpret eye movement:

 Visual responsiveness

Eyes upward, then towards the right:

Whenever a person tilts eyes upward and then to the right, it means that
the person is formulating a mental picture.

Eyes upward, then towards the left:

Whenever a person tilts eyes upward, followed by an eye movement to

the left, it means the person is recalling a certain image.

Eyes looking straight ahead:

Whenever someone focuses directly in front of them, as though looking at

a point in the distance, this indicate that the person is not focused on anything in
particular. That is the look often referred to as ‘glazed’.
 Auditory Responsiveness.

Eyes looking towards the right:

When a person’s eyes shift straight towards the right, it means the person
is in the process of constructing a sound.

Eyes looking towards the left:

When a person’s eyes shift straight towards the left, it indicates that the
person is recalling a sound.
 Audio-digital responsiveness

Eyes looking downward, then switching to the left:

When someone drops their eyes and then proceeds to turn their eyes to the
left, this signals that the person is engaged in internal dialogue.

Eyes looking right down then left to right:

When a person looks downward and then proceeds to turn their eyes to
the left and then, to the right in consecutive movements, it means the person is
engaged in negative self-talk.
 Kinesthetic responsiveness:

Here, the person looks directly down, only to turn the eyes to the right.
That is an indication that the person is evaluating emotional status. This further
indicates

that the person is not at ease.

 Verbal responses:

Rhythmic speech

The idea here is not to be poetic as you speak, but to speak at a regular
pace. The recommended pace of speaking is equated to the heartbeat, say,
between 45 and 72 beats per minute. At that pace, you are likely to sustain the
listener’s attention and establish greater receptivity to what you’re saying.
While normal conversational speed averages about 140 words per minute,
slowing down a little and taking time to pause is highly effective as a means of
sustaining people’s attention. Your regular cadence should be punctuated by
fluctuations in tone and emphasis, in order not to sound monotonous.

Repeating key words

When you are trying to influence someone, there are key words or phrases
which that carry additional weight as far as your message is concerned. This
method of speaking is a way of embedding the message in the listener and
subtly suggesting that your message is valid and worthy of reception.
Repeating key words also suggests commitment, conviction and mastery of the
subject matter.

Using strongly suggestive language

Use language that is positive and supportive of what you are saying, using
a selection set of strong, descriptive words or phrases. As you do this, you
should observe the person you are speaking to closely, in a way that makes them
feel as though you are seeing right through them and aware of what they are
thinking. Don’t be invasive about this, or aggressive. Merely suggest, by way
of your gaze that you have a keen appreciation of what makes people tick. This
places you in a dominant position, especially when accompanied by dominant
body language, like “steepling” (see section on hand gestures). It helps to use
suitable, complementary body language as you speak, to subtly underscore the
message.

Touching the person lightly, as you speak

Touching the person as you speak to them draws their attention to you in a
relaxed and familiar way. By employing this technique, you’re preparing the
listener to absorb what you are saying to them; a way of programming
attentiveness. Those engaging in inter-gender conversations in the workplace
should take great care with this technique, as it can lead to misunderstandings.

Using a mixture of “hot” and “vague” words

“Hot” words are those that tend to provoke specific sensations in the
listener. When you are using them to influence someone’s thinking, it is
advisable to use them in a suitable pattern. Examples of phrases containing hot
words are: it means; feel free; see this; because; hear this. The effect of
employing these words and phrases is that you’re directing influencing the
listener’s state of mind, including how that person feels, imagines and
perceives. You’re also appealing to the sense most prevalent in the listener’s
perceptive style (as observed through the movement of their eyes). For
example, the phrase “hear this” will appeal to those who indicate a tendency to
respond most actively to auditory stimuli.
 Using the interspersal technique

The interspersal technique is the practice of stating one thing, while

hoping to impress on the listener something entirely different.

The techniques just described form strategies in the service of influencing

people. They’re not intended to force a viewpoint, or to control people’s
behavior for nefarious ends. These techniques are intended to modify
undesirable behaviors which may be resulting in workplace difficulties,
including the failure of staff to work well together, or to complete team
projects. They’re also extremely helpful in the context of relationships with
young people and children, whether at home, or in a learning environment.
Techniques of subtle manipulative effect like those described, though capable of
influencing people and their behavior, don’t amount to anything even
approaching coercion. The person being spoken to chooses all responses and is
merely influenced, or steered toward those responses.
 Chapter 10: Dark Psychology

Now that you have a suitable baseline for understanding dark

psychology's nature and practice, remembering that practice is at the core of
dark psychology's nature, that it exists to be used more than studied, you are
ready to start learning about the tools employed by dark psychology
practitioners the world over. You will additionally remember that, while the
terms “tools,” “techniques,” and “methods” will be used interchangeably
throughout, it is best to think of these sub-crafts of dark psychology as first and
foremost tools, because tools, again, are objects meant to be used.
 Manipulation

In many ways, beyond containing within its deception, manipulation hints

at and implies the existence of the other tools of dark psychology. In many
ways, dark psychology is ultimately a method for better manipulation.

If you google “dark psychology” and click through the first few articles,
you will see immediately that almost every source on dark psychology uses
manipulation several to many times, and that in most cases it is a subheading
within the article, or even in the subtitle to the article itself! This illustrates how
significant manipulation is too dark psychology and how broadly the two are
connected. In fact, as was hinted at above, manipulation could itself be split into
several subcategories. Obviously, one would be deception, which was already
covered. Otherwise, their machiavellianism, reverse psychology, semantics,
all of which could be described to some extent or another as kinds of covert-
aggression.

All forms of manipulation could be described as covert-aggression

because manipulation is inherently an aggressive social tactic. If a driver shouts
aggressively at another car to "MOVE!" or because that driver of that other car
cut him or her off, that driver is aggressive because he or she wants his or her
will to take precedence over the other driver's will. He or she shouts "MOVE!"
because he or she wants the other driver to move, in other words, and
manipulation functions the same way. Unlike other forms of aggression, though,
it has a secondary aim: avoid the detection.

This also speaks to the dark or sinister core of manipulation; it is always

about power, and power is always, on some levels, angry and forceful. This is as
true for semantic manipulation, a technique that can seem not just easy-going
but even agreeable, as it is for Machiavellianism, a worldview named for a
famously cynical and power-hungry author and politician.
 To slow it down so as not to miss anything, we will unpack the concept of
semantic manipulation. Chances are, you have experienced this method of
manipulation in your life several times. It is, stated simply when a person insists
that he or she understands words to mean something other than what they
normally mean as a means of re-framing and controlling social interactions.
Say, for example, a couple has a conversation where one, a man, tells his
partner, a woman, that he really doesn't think very highly of her mother. Perhaps
this was already an attempt at dark persuasion, which is coming up next, but
perhaps not. Either way, the woman, understandably, gets upset with him for
saying such a cruel thing out of nowhere. His response to her anger, however,
disarms her immediately. He, calmly, tells her he didn't mean it negatively.
"Thinking highly," he explains, means to him thinking that a person is imposing
and scary. By "not thinking highly" of her mother, he meant that he saw her as a
friendly and welcoming person with whom he could speak openly. In response,
if he is successful, his partner becomes immediately less angry, believing
herself to have misinterpreted his words. You can see how this can be useful on
a basic level but also consider how, applied repeatedly, it creates a pattern
wherein the practitioner is free from all criticism and looked at as a flawless,
golden kind of person.

As you can see, deception is all-over the above methods. It is fundamental

to most practices of manipulation. However it is important to note, that
deception is not synonymous with telling lies. In fact, telling lies is just one
subcategory of deception, which contains all manners of withholding, skewing
or twisting of the truth along with the outright telling of falsehoods. This
distinction is important because in many instances telling lies is nor the most
efficient neither the most useful form of deception. Lies are often easier to
detect and harder to pass-off than forms of deception that meld the truth with
lies, or that function only as an absence of truth.
 You probably have a passing understanding of reverse psychology,
namely that it is telling a person to do one thing, so they do another. Well, it
does run deeper than that, which seems to imply that people make decisions on
a binary. This is not the case normally. One of the most brilliant things about
reverse psychology is that, when deployed correctly, it is, itself, the impetus for
limiting another's thought to a "yes or no" question. In order to make that friend
come along, he or she says, as if a normal statement, "You probably don't want
to go. You're not really into fun like that.” In that scenario, the dark
psychologist is using reverse psychology, clearly, but what he or she is also
doing is turning the question of whether or not to go to the beach into a question
of whether or not that friend is fun. So, of course, the friend decides to go to the
beach!

Hopefully, you're starting to get a picture of the varieties and permutations

of manipulation as they function on people in the world. From the above, you
should also get the idea that, while there are distinct words for different kinds of
manipulation, ultimately they blend together and can be used in tandem with
one another. There is no reason why an attempt at semantic manipulation can't
be employed along with reverse psychology, perhaps as a means of framing the
yes/no dichotomy through which the target of the manipulation is meant to
think. Likewise, it is impossible to imagine Machiavellianism without covert-
aggression, and fairly difficult to imagine the reverse. That is all to say that
manipulation is ultimately a fluid thing, as you will see with the rest of the tools
laid out in this chapter and, admittedly, with most ideas you engage with every
day. Although these things are "dark," they function like anything else. Taken in
reality, in their actual use, these concepts all blend together.
 Persuasion

A note before diving into the skillset known as persuasion – persuasion,

in fact, exists in two varieties. There is, on the one hand, regular everyday
persuasiveness. This is the persuasion people are talking about when they, for
instance, reference persuasive writing techniques. It can also contain the social
pressure of the ethically or morally-minded variety. On the other hand, though,
and more in line with the topic of this book, is dark persuasion. It is the
persuasiveness of con men, corrupt politicians, and amoral attorneys. All groups
of people who are, you guessed it, routinely practitioners of dark psychology.

As was said above, manipulation can be viewed in a sense as a partial

umbrella term for all of dark psychology. This is true, but in another sense, dark
persuasion can itself be viewed as an umbrella term for all of dark psychology,
which would mean that manipulation is itself contained in it. How, you ask, can
manipulation and persuasion both contain each other? The answer, of course, is
that categorizations are contingent and incomplete things a lot of the time. This
ambiguity, however, is productive for the practitioner of dark psychology. Think
back to the introduction, where the link between the power of the world and
dark psychology was laid out. You will recall that knowledge of dark
psychology has remained for elite eyes only – that is to say, obscured to your
average person – for most of its history. Well, this ambiguity or confusion
surrounding terms speaks to that secret history, where practice and not scholarly
taxonomies or categorizations determined the shape of the world of dark
psychology. Because it is shaped like this now, it is important to not smooth
over the complexities it presents too much, lest you miss out on fully grasping,
and perhaps taking part in, dark psychology.

That being said, look at dark persuasion and ask yourself how it could
differ from manipulation. To start, persuasion, even of the dark variety, is much
less aggressive than manipulation.
 How does dark persuasion work, though? In order to answer that, first,
look at the fundamentals of dark psychology. What is it? It is an intensely
intimate method of control predicated on the subconscious of another person.
With manipulation, there are shortcuts to accessing the subconscious of another
person based on the basic nature of the human psyche. People are generally,
even overwhelmingly, susceptible to at least some methods of manipulation,
and those methods work even if you know very little about the person on which
you are trying to use them. This is not so with dark persuasion. Dark
persuasion, instead, is predicated on a certain kind of dark intimacy with your
target. You have to know and understand his or her drives, interests, and
dislikes. The more you know, the more effective the persuasion of your subject
will be. In dark persuasion, unlike in manipulation, the dark psychology
practitioner comes to understand the mind of the target in an old-fashioned way,
by way of study, observation, and time spent around the target.

Note the term dark intimacy used above. It will come back later. For the
time being, however, it warrants some unpacking. How, exactly, does dark
intimacy differ from regular intimacy? The answer, as always, lies in intent. For
the average person, intimacy is an end in itself. When the average person is
emotionally intimate with another person, he or she feels seen, heard,
appreciated, and generally good. Emotional intimacy is the bedrock upon which
normal relationships, be they platonic, romantic, sexual, or familial, are based.
They are always a means to an end. It is a necessary component of the dark
psychology methodology of control.

Therefore, intimacy in the context of dark psychology, what you would

call dark intimacy, could not be further from its normal, not dark counterpart. It
can take many forms. Dark intimacy may be based solely on the study of its
target's inner workings. From Freud, we have the insight that, with enough
observation and study, the subconscious of any person can become legible to
others. Freud didn't have control of the other in mind, but the principle remains
the same. That is to say; dark intimacy does not necessarily imply a real
relationship of any kind. That being said, it can. Another form of dark intimacy,
darker still than that dark clinical intimacy, is dark intimacy developed the old-
fashioned way. It comes from entering into a relationship with another person
and feigning normalcy, pretending that you are in the relationship for all the
normal reasons, while secretly maintaining that relationship for self-interested,
anti-social ends. Only after you have established what the other person
perceives as real, mutual trust will you be able to enact your dark persuasion,
but it will be very effective. Once you understand the target of your dark
persuasion inside and out by way of dark intimacy, you can begin.

You already know the importance of deception to all practices of dark

psychology. It comes out in full force here, because what underpins the
differences between dark and regular persuasion is that, unlike regular
persuasion, dark persuasion has no fidelity to the truth or the world. It has
fidelity only to success in persuading its target and to the whims and wishes of
the person deploying it. So, once you, the dark psychology practitioner, have
developed a suitably intimate, which is to say close, understanding of your
target, such that you understand as many of his or her wishes, insecurities,
drives, and desires as you can, you deploy persuasion techniques as needed
without any heed to the truth. If your target wants to be beautiful, and you want
your target to make a large purchase on your behalf, for instance, you may be
able to find a way to convince him or her that he or she will be more physically
attracted to you if he or she makes that purchase for you. When you are
practicing dark persuasion, it does not matter if this could not be further from
the truth. Even if you knew that never in a million years, would you find that
target physically attractive?

These are the fundamental attributes of persuasion, or, more specifically,

dark persuasion. The detour into dark intimacy was necessary, because without
dark intimacy of some kind or another dark persuasion simply can not work.
Unlike manipulation, which has a higher success rate on strangers, dark
persuasion must be predicated on some knowledge of the target's inner
workings, or at the very least in-depth knowledge of how and what most people
desire.
 Chapter 11: Solutions to Overcome
Manipulation
Cutting off manipulation ties

This chapter is the climax of this book as you might be reading this
chapter mainly because you have had enough of being manipulated or living
with manipulative friends, family members, or your significant other. You might
have reached the ‘never again’ point in your life after your bad experiences with
manipulation. Getting long-lasting solutions to manipulation could end life’s
challenges and make the world a better place to live. Not every manipulative act
leads to success; some lead to distress. Before solving any manipulative deeds,
you need to ask yourself the following:

After being manipulated, do you feel that you have been taken advantage
of?

Do you attempt to manipulate others?

What are the reasons if you ever feel like manipulating others?

Do you regret failing to be smarter once you have been manipulated?

Can someone make you do what you do not want to do?

Do you feel guilty if you fail to do what people request you to do?

Do you feel angry, frustrated, or uncomfortable when around specific

people?

This is not the best time to ask why manipulators manipulate others, but it
is the best time to know that they will never do it again to you.
 Consider a case where you desperately need attention from your friends
mainly because your parents did not give it to you during your childhood. The
attention could be sought from others because maybe your partner gives you
none. In this case, you will have allowed people to manipulate you. You might
fall for the appraisal quotes; being told how beautiful or handsome you are, how
amazing and different you are, then you get manipulated in this kind of a fix.
You will feel special and feel appreciated more than another person would.

If you are a victim of this, you must have reached your final straw with
such kinds of manipulators and now, you need solutions.

You should avoid being desperate – This means that after every bad
experience, you should never go seeking attention immediately. You should
avoid any contact with a person, especially after being hurt as they may end up
taking advantage of that and keep manipulating you.

When a deal sounds and appears too good, you should not give in
immediately – This can be helpful especially in resisting some marketing
manipulation tactics where sales persons try to persuade you to purchase a
certain product that has been given subtle qualities, praised for its goodness, and
how amazing it is. You should buy what you want without getting convinced to
buy what you do not want.

Learn to control yourself even in the midst of flattery. Note that too much
flattery can mean manipulation underway. Whenever people flirt too much or
insist on getting a certain demand granted, always stop them immediately. Even
if cooperation is good, it is bad at the same time as it can rub away your way of
thinking.

You need to separate the ‘truly needful people’ in your life from those
‘claiming to be in need’ kind of people. There are people who genuinely need
your help and those that you feel it is your responsibility or duty to help them.
Such may include your child, aging parent, or a sick person. Then there are
those that want to make you feel that their problem is your problem and their
responsibilities are your responsibilities and that you are supposed to solve
them. To sort out between a manipulator and a truly needful person, ask a friend
or relative who is objective and cool. If they say ‘No,’ then that should be your
response, too.

Manipulators can opt to be emotional to get what they want, as described

in the manipulative techniques or ways on how to identify a manipulator. You
should also learn how you should deal with emotional manipulation. You should
note that:

It is of no use trying to be straightforward to an emotional manipulator.

This is because every statement you make is always turned down. Consider the
case below:

You: I am so disappointed, you forgot my birthday!

Your friend: It really makes me feel bad that you think I would by any
chance forget your birthday. I wish I told you of the stress I have right now, but
I did not want to stress you, too. I guess I should have valued your birthday, I
am sorry.

In this case, your friend will even shed tears when responding. You will
find yourself with nothing more to say, and ending up babysitting your friend’s
angst. The solution to this is, trust your guts, senses, and instincts, do not take
any apology or excuse that feels like nonsense.
 An emotional persuader or manipulator always comes in the picture of a
willing helper. Emotional manipulators will still agree to what you ask them to
do for you. When you say ‘Thank you,’ they reply with sighs and non-verbal
cues that insinuates that they do not want to help you. When you question them,
they will respond angrily and say you are unreasonable. The solution to this is
avoiding challenging their sighs, make them accountable for their offer to help
out. Leave them to help and walk away to avoid these crazy dramas.

Do not entertain them

In your relationships, you should never question your sanity or keep

records for what was said or promised. A manipulator will turn things around
and justify that they never gave any promises. These manipulators lie a lot so
that can make you even doubt your senses. Carry a notebook and start making
notes after every conversation, claiming that you feel you are so forgetful and
that they should not be worried about your craziness. This helps you remove
yourself from their range and avoid manipulation.

When conditioned to act necessarily to decrease your guilty feelings, be

on-the-know that you are getting manipulated. Manipulators make you feel
guilty for almost everything; too much caring, loving, emotional, nurture, or
support enough. Once you do anything for them, they never appreciate it and
can even tell you that they did not expect whatever you did for them. You need
to stop fighting other people’s battles. Have a line to say to the manipulators
who make you feel guilty. Tell them, ‘I have great confidence to do this, do it
your own’. Sit back and listen to their response; they probably lack one.

You should avoid people who cannot talk to you or deal with issues
directly. They always let you know everything through their friends; they
literally tend to send people to tell you what they want. Scream at them and
never entertain any connections they send you.

When manipulators are angry, they tend to influence the environment and
want everyone else to feel like them. They want to make people do things their
way, by getting angry with everyone and expecting everyone to respond
friendly. Remember, you also have your own psychological strains and needs,
do not give in to such nonsense.

Anyone who is not accountable for their mess, no responsibility, and

always complains about what other people do to them, is the kind of
manipulators you should avoid with an immediate effect. You should never
apologize for a mess that you are not responsible for. Leave the manipulator to
realize their own mistakes and apologize appropriately. Avoid contact with the
would-be manipulators. Just listen to them but act differently. They cannot hold
you and force you to get manipulated anyway.

Setting personal boundaries can also be a long-lasting solution to

manipulation. Before your relationship goes too far, and before anyone learns
you in and out, set limits, then having to change in the midway. You can do so
by stating the kind of behaviors you like or dislike. For instance, tell them they
should not call you any time they feel like, mostly past 9 pm. Clearly define
your goals so that it will be possible to know when you are getting manipulated.
When you know your direction, it would be complicated for someone to
influence you.

Be responsible and keep track of what you say or do. This helps you
avoid getting blamed for other people’s mistakes. Keep your notebook or
computers safe from anybody else at work, school, or at home. People can
access your information and defend themselves with it when they are accusing
you.
 Do not be emotional in every occasion. Your manipulators are waiting for
this moment. They can easily manipulate you when you are emotionally down.
Manipulators know how to twist the situation until they control you.

Differentiate manipulation from mental illness. Sounds funny, right? It

can be a serious case, especially when manipulation becomes an everyday
action. A manipulator cannot be independent, responsible, or accountable. Some
of these conditions need proper treatment.

The truth hurts! Always hit any manipulator with the truth. Make their
friends your enemies as this destroys their power base. By doing this, you will
be a unique person that no one would want to mess around with.

Manipulation does not always entail other people manipulating you. You
can as well be a manipulator, and hence, you need solutions on how to stop
being a manipulator. Ask yourself whether you are a psychopath, a narcissist,
aggressive, and any other characteristics of a manipulator. If you are not
egotistical or you do not do anything centered at your own interests, then you
are not a manipulator.

Take time to know what you want

Appreciate the honesty and avoid resenting people

Learn to let go anything you cannot have; it is not the end of the world.

Do not act out of defensiveness just because people turned down your
requests. Embrace every response you get.

Do not take everything too personal since this makes you feel powerless
and end up manipulating others.

Manipulative people in society are meant to be ignored. Never correct

them as this pulls you into their trap. You should know that guilt is a senseless
emotion and that manipulators can make you feel the guilt of your mistakes or
past. Do not compromise them. Stop doubting yourself and live your life
appropriately. You need to feel good about yourself, be confident, and always be
happy about your achievements. Appreciate and believe in what you are doing.
 Conclusion
The best part is unlike intelligence quotient, the emotional quotient can be
developed through regular practice, training, and application. Improving your
emotional intelligence is a continuous and dynamic process that only helps you
enhance your skills with time.

I expect this book was able to teach you how to master your emotions and
to improve your communication skills. Hopefully, this book was able to build
up your confidence and make you a stronger person. I hope this book was able
to give you insight into the concept and meaning of emotional intelligence, and
now you feel confident in your abilities and are able to succeed.

I hope this book was able to help you develop and improve your
communication skills. I hope this book was able to help you develop emotional
intelligence and better understand the concept of it. Hopefully, the examples in
the book were helpful, useful, and easy to use. I hope this book helped you feel
more in control and happier in the long run. I hope this book was able to prepare
you for the next step in the journey.

Developing Dark Psychology skills is a very challenging but rewarding

work out. It is important to invest in building strong romantic relationships by
constantly nurturing your self-awareness, self-management, and social
recognition skills. This will open you up to a greater relationship with yourself
and others in which you will come to a point of full understanding. Learning
how exactly to do this and placing it into practice may be harder for a few than
others however the important key to remember is that it is an art that exists
within all of us.

Emotions are one of the major the different parts of being human,
therefore the further we can understand our very own emotions the easier it all
becomes to relate to others whether we agree with how they feel or not.
Strengthening these abilities could be of great help in all conditions and
interactions and the glad tidings are that you can learn these abilities at any age
or stage in your daily life to propel you to greatness!

If you want to persuade people, you have to be ready to make people see
and feel like it was their decision.

Many people want to manipulate others for short-term gain. However, the
genuine art of manipulation is defined by the long game. One has to be patient.
The same way professionals make their skills look easy; you need to make
manipulation sound easy. But it will take time and patience to learn to execute
the manipulation secrets.

One thing about the manipulation that you need to keep in mind is that
you should never reveal your true intentions. Maintain your consciousness of
how you are making them feel and attempt to manipulate for the best.

The next step is to practice! Use those examples and make them your
own. If you never try then nothing will ever change. You need to try, take that
first step and be prepared for the solution. Mastering your emotions can be a
challenge, but I know you can succeed. I believe in you. You will be successful
and feel more accomplished. You will become more observant, appreciative and
stress-free.
 CHAPTER BONUS

What’s Dark Psychology

Before we take a look at some of the methods that come with dark
psychology and how it can be used against you, it is important to know exactly
what this form of psychology is about. Psychology, or an understanding of how
the human mind works, is a part of all of our lives. Psychology is going to
underpin everything in our lives from advertising to finance, crime to religion,
and even from hate to love. Someone who is able to understand these
psychological principles is someone who really holds onto the key to human
influence.

This is not an easy task, which is why most people don’t possess it.
Learning all of the different principles of psychology is not necessary. Start with
the lessons in these pages and you’ll have a solid foundation. You have to be
able to read people, understand what makes them tick, and understand why they
may react in ways that may not be normally expected. And even then, you may
need to spend time taking classes and reading through countless books to gain a
complete understanding. It depends how far you want to go with this.

So, if only a few people really understand psychology and how the human
mind works, why is it so important to know what this is? It is because those
who do know what it is and how to use it can choose to use that power and that
knowledge against you.

How Is Dark Psychology Used Today?

While some people are going to use these dark psychology tactics in order
to harm their victim, there are times when you may use these tactics without the
intent of negatively manipulating another person. Some of these tactics were
either unintentionally or intentionally added to our toolbox from a variety of
means that could include:

•When you were a child, you would see how adults, especially those
close to you, behaved.

•When you were a teenager, the mind and your ability to truly understand
the behaviors around you were expanded.

•You were able to watch others use the tactics and then succeed.

•Using the tactics may have been unintentional in the beginning, but
when you found that it worked to get you what you wanted, you would start to
use those tactics in an intentional manner.

•Some people, such as a politician, a public speaker, or a salesperson,

would be trained to use these types of tactics to get what they want.

Dark Psychology Tactics That Are Used on a Regular Basis

•Love flooding: This would include any buttering up, praising, or

complimenting people to get them to comply with the request that you want. If
you want someone to help you move some items into your home, you may use
love flooding in order to make them feel good, which could make it more likely
that they will help you. A dark manipulator could also use it to make the other
person feel attached to them and then get them to do things that they may not
normally do.

•Lying: This would include telling the victim an untrue version of the
situation. It can also include a partial truth or exaggerations with the goal of
getting what you wanted done.

•Love denial: This one can be hard on the victim because it can make
them feel lost and abandoned by the manipulator. This one basically includes
withholding affection and love until you are able to get what you want out of
the victim.

•Withdrawal: This would be when the victim is given the silent treatment
or is avoided until they meet the needs of the other person.

•Restricting choices: The manipulator may give their victim access to

some choices, but they do this in order to distract them from the choices that
they don’t want the victim to make.

•Semantic manipulation: This is a technique where the manipulator is

going to use some commonly known words, ones that have accepted meanings
by both parties, in a conversation. But then they will tell the victim, later on,
that they had meant something completely different when they used that word.
The new meaning is often going to change up the entire definition and could
make it so that the conversation goes the way the manipulator wanted, even
though the victim was tricked.

•Reverse psychology: This is when you tell someone to do something in

one manner, knowing that they will do the opposite. But the opposite action is
what the manipulator wanted to happen in the first place.

Who Will Deliberately Use Dark Tactics?

There are many different people who may choose to use these dark tactics
against you. They can be found in many different aspects of your life, which is
why it is so important to learn how to stay away from them. Some of the people
who are able to use some of these dark psychology tactics deliberately include:

•Narcissists: These individuals are going to have a bloated sense of their

own self-worth, and they will have the need to make others believe that they are
superior as well. In order to meet their desires of being worshipped and adored
by everyone they meet, they will use persuasion and dark psychology.
 •Sociopaths: Those who are sociopaths are charming, intelligent, and
persuasive. But they only act this way to get what they want. They lack any
emotions and they are not able to feel any remorse. This means that they have
no issue with using the tactics of dark psychology to get what they want,
including taking it as far as creating superficial relationships.

•Politicians: With the help of dark psychology, a politician could

convince someone to cast votes for them simply by convincing these people that
their point of view is the right one.

•Salespeople: Not all salespeople are going to use dark tactics against
you. But it is possible that some, especially those who are really into getting
their sales numbers and being the best, will not think twice about using dark
persuasion in order to manipulate people.

•Leaders: Throughout history, there have been plenty of leaders who will
use the techniques of dark psychology in order to get their team members,
subordinates, and citizens do what they want.

•Selfish people: This could be any person that you come across who will
make sure that their own needs are put before anyone else’s. They aren’t
concerned about others, and they will let others forego their benefits so that they
can benefit. If the situation benefits them, it is fine if it benefits someone else.
But if someone is going to be the loser, it will be the other person and not
them.

This list is important because it is going to serve two purposes. First, it is

going to help you be more aware of the people who may try to manipulate you
to do things that you don’t want to do, and it can be there to help out with self-
realization. Being on the lookout for those who want to get something out of
you, without any concerns about how it will affect you, is one of the main goals
of this book so that you can arm yourself against dark psychology.
 The term “mental manipulation” is often thrown around on social media
and in mainstream communications. In fact, it is quite common to hear this
expression used in reference to large public events, political campaigning and
advertising. The fact of the matter is that most folks have a general
understanding of what it refers to but may not be clear on the specific of what
this term encompasses.

In short, mental manipulation is controlling and twisting a person's state

of mind to make them want to do what you want to be done. A manipulator
influences the will of others through the use deception or underhand
techniques.

As such, manipulation implies a degree of force upon targets, that is, the
manipulator will try their best to force their targets to do what they will,
especially if the targets do not wish to comply.

Now, I am not talking about kidnapping folks and brainwashing them like
it is done in the movies. I am talking about subtle techniques and strategies
which are used to get others to go along without them actually realizing they are
being manipulated.

As a matter of fact, the best manipulators make it seem like people are
doing things of their own accord rather than acting upon the provocation of
some external force. Nevertheless, there is a degree of forces that goes along
with manipulation. For example, television stations will force you to watch their
programming and advertising in order to get you to purchase the products and
services of their sponsor’s.

However, the coercion shown in this case is quite simple to get around:
you can just change the channel. Yet, programming and advertising is designed
in such a way that you won’t want to change channel.
 Other types of manipulation can be a lot more overt. For instance,
political parties and candidates will promote themselves by littering their
campaigns with calls to action such as “vote for the best candidate” or “vote for
so-and-so if you value your children’s future”. These calls to action are blatant
attempts at swaying voters’ opinions.

That is why the first part of this book is dedicated to understanding and
identifying manipulation as it is commonly practiced. I am not talking about
some dark cabal that is trying to secretly rule the world through controlling the
minds of every single human on this planet. In fact, I am referring to the ways
in which trained individuals will attempt to influence your opinion to get you to
go along with their agenda.

When you uncover their techniques, you will not only be able to protect
yourself, and your loved ones, from these influences, you will be also be able to
get your own agenda across. While I am not asking you to openly go out there
and control the minds of those with whom you come into contact, I am asking
you to use these techniques to help you get ahead when you need that extra
nudge.

So, sit back because we are going on quite a ride.

 EXTRACT FROM:

“Dark Psychology Secrets:

How To Influence People To Positive Behavior In Relationship With Nlp.
Discover The Art Of Reading And Analyze People, Learning Emotional
Manipulation And Mind Control.”
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