SECRETS TO SUCCESSFUL PARENTING:

A Parent Comprehensive Guide to Raising a

Successful Child.

David C. Smith.

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All rights reserved. No part of this
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publisher, except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical reviews and
certain other noncommercial uses permitted
by copyright law.

Copyright © David C. Smith, 2022.

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Table of Contents:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6

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Chapter 1
Can I raise my children well?:

Being a parent is not an easy task. A

handbook is not included with a newborn.
As a result, parents are similar to
individuals who have been given a
brand-new, complex product without a
guidebook outlining how to utilize, cultivate,
care for, or nurture it. Given the
technological, sociological, and other
advancements and influences that make
parenting in the twenty-first century more
difficult than it ever was, the conundrum for
modern parents is even more difficult.
The role of a parent is crucial. Discipline
needs to be applied in a way that promotes
accountability. Our internal encouragement
of our kids' self-esteem growth makes them
feel cherished. If our

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kids are disciplined in this way, they won't
need gangs, drugs, or sex to feel strong or
like they belong.

A good parent is someone who supports

their child in engaging in activities they
enjoy, instills a strong moral code in them,
corrects them when they behave improperly,
emphasizes the value of respect and
diligence, and fosters a love of learning in
them.
Teaching your child the values of what is
right and wrong is part of being a good
parent.
The key to effective discipline is to establish
boundaries and maintain them consistently.
When enforcing laws, exercise kindness
while remaining tough. Consider the cause
of the child's inappropriate behavior.

Should parents be "perfect"?

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A good parent need not be a perfect parent.
Nobody is flawless. No kid is flawless,
either. When we set our expectations, it's
crucial to keep this in mind.
The greatest, simplest, and most
comprehensive parenting advice you will
ever receive is probably to "parent by
example." But it isn't always simple...
Everybody has days when they dispute with
family members or say something they'll
later regret. The truth is that none of us are
flawless, and we will undoubtedly say or do
something in the future that we wish our
child hadn't witnessed.
After making a mistake like this, your
subsequent acts are just as crucial as your
earlier ones. Moments like these provide
you the chance to express difficult feelings
like empathy, humility, and forgiveness.
Therefore, the next time you fall short of the
ideal parent, take a step back and talk to
your child about what happened. Make sure
your kids can hear you apologize and talk

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about the issue if, for instance, you spoke
nasty words to your spouse.

You are a flawed parent, let's face it. As a

family leader, you have both advantages and
disadvantages. Recognize your strengths
and say, "I am devoted and loving." Make a
promise to improve in those areas: "I need
to be more consistent with discipline." Try
to set reasonable goals for your spouse,
yourself, and your children. Be forgiving of
yourself; you don't have to know
everything.Make parenting a manageable
task as well. Instead of attempting to deal
with everything at once, concentrate on the
areas that require the most attention. When
you are exhausted, admit it. Spend time
doing things that will make you happy as a
person while taking a break from parenting
(or as a couple).
You are not selfish if you prioritize your
needs. It simply indicates that you are
concerned for your wellbeing, which is

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another crucial virtue to set an example for
your kids.
Parenting is a cerebral endeavor. It requires
effort, planning, and intentionality.
However, a lot of parents are reluctant to
give it the consideration it requires. As a
result, rather than the parents who love
them, their children are molded by the
environment around them. Successful
parents purposefully promote healthy habits
in addition to discouraging bad ones. They
picture the kind of people they want their
kids to become. They continually serve as
models for them in that regard. They instill
high standards in their kids' lives. They have
high expectations for their kids. They give
their kids the chance to experience
worthwhile life lessons. Additionally, they
publicly and privately commend good
habits.
It's a delicate balance that differs from child
to child, but parents who fail to relinquish
control injure their children. And they never
achieve the main objective of parenting,

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which is to help children develop into
responsible individuals by helping them
make good decisions.

Chapter 2
Boosting Your Child's Self-Esteem:

In essence, a child's self-esteem is how they

view themselves, including how they
perceive their capabilities. It is influenced
by how much affection they experience and
by the encouragement and support—or
criticism—that kids get from significant
others in their lives, such as their parents
and teachers.
A protective factor for healthy mental health
is having a high sense of self-worth.
Building self-confidence benefits social
behavior and acts as a safety net for your
child in stressful and challenging situations.
Being self-assured does not include
believing that you are the center of the

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universe or that your needs come before
those of others. Arrogance, narcissism, or
entitlement are not characteristics of good
self-esteem. Your child's self-esteem should
be balanced with other crucial virtues like
kindness, empathy, good manners,
generosity, and a sense of thankfulness.

Why Self-Esteem Matters:

A person's perceptions of their value and
worth are referred to as self-esteem. It also
has to do with the emotions that people feel
as a result of their perceptions of their worth
or unworthiness. Self-esteem is crucial since
it has a big impact on people's decisions and
choices. To put it another way, one way that
self-esteem motivates people is by
influencing how likely it is for them to take
care of themselves and reach their full
potential.People who have a high sense of
self-worth are also more driven to take care
of themselves and work hard to achieve
their objectives. Because they don't believe
they are deserving of or capable of reaching

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pleasant outcomes, people with low
self-esteem frequently put off crucial tasks
and are less tenacious and resilient in the
face of challenges. They might have similar
objectives to those of those with higher
self-esteem, but they are typically less
driven to see them through.

A person without self-esteem may find it

difficult to imagine what it would be like to
have it because it is a somewhat ethereal
concept. Thinking about how they would
feel about items in their lives that they value
might help people with low self-esteem start
to understand what it would be like to have
higher self-esteem. Some people, for
instance, truly enjoy automobiles. These
people take excellent care of their cars
because they value them so highly.
They make wise choices regarding where to
keep the car, how frequently to have it
serviced, and how to use it. They can
embellish the vehicle and then be proud to
display it to others. That's how self-esteem

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works, only your love, care for, and are
proud of yourself. Children who feel valued
and valuable tend to take good care of
themselves. They make wise decisions about
themselves that increase rather than
decrease their value.
Children who are confident in themselves
are more willing to attempt new things.
They are more inclined to give it their all.
They are pleased with their abilities. Kids
who feel confident can handle mistakes
better. Even if they initially fail, it
encourages kids to try again. Children that
have higher self-esteem perform better in
their academic, personal, and social lives.
Children who lack self-confidence doubt
their abilities. They might not participate if
they feel like others won't accept them. They
could allow others to mistreat them. They
could struggle to advocate for themselves.
They might easily give up or give up
altogether. When they make a mistake, lose,
or fail, children who have low self-esteem

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struggle to deal. They might not perform as
well as they could as a result.
When children first view themselves via
their parents' eyes as neonates, they begin to
build a sense of self. Your children are
absorbing everything you say and do,
including your body language and facial
expressions. More than anything else, how
you behave as a parent has an impact on
how you build self-esteem.
Kids' self-esteem may develop as they
mature. Any opportunity for children to try,
do, and learn can lead to the development of
their self-esteem. Children may experience
this:

Advance in achieving a goal,

Study things at school, make friends, and
get along, practice hobbies, such as music,
sports, art, cooking, and technology.
Praise for good deeds includes helping,
giving, and being kind.

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Make an effort to accomplish things they
enjoy and are good at, are included by
others, and feel understood and accepted.
Receive a reward or a grade they know they
deserve.
Children who feel confident in themselves
and accepted for who they are feel capable
and competent.

How to Improve Self-Esteem as

Parents:
Each child is unique. Some kids can find it
simpler to develop self-esteem than others.
Some children also experience challenges
that may lower their self-esteem. However, a
child's self-esteem can be improved even if it
is poor.
Parents can do the following to help their
children feel confident in themselves:

Encourage your child to develop new

skill:
Children can learn new things at any age.
Learning to hold a cup or take your first

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steps can make you feel accomplished and
happy even when you're a newborn. As your
child matures, opportunities for self-esteem
development include learning to read, ride a
bike, or put on clothes.

Children require chances to show their

ability and feel that their contributions are
important in order to develop their sense of
self-worth. At home, this entails asking
children to assist with cooking, arranging
the table, and making the beds, even when
they are toddlers.Show and assist children
at first while instructing them on how to
perform anything. Then, even if they make
mistakes, let them do what they can. A
chance to learn, experiment, and feel proud
should be provided for your youngster.
Don't make fresh problems too simple or
difficult.

Don't criticize harshly:

Children's self-perceptions are quickly
influenced by the messages they receive

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about themselves from others. The opposite
of motivating, harsh statements like "You're
so lazy!" hurt. Children's self-esteem is
harmed when they get unfavorable
messages about themselves. Correct
children patiently. You have a duty as a
parent to discipline and direct your
children. However, a child's response to
corrective instruction depends entirely on
how you convey it.
Avoid accusing, condemning, or finding
fault when you have to talk to your child
since these actions damage self-esteem and
breed animosity. Instead, even when you are
correcting your children, try to be nurturing
and encouraging. Make sure they
understand that even though you hope and
anticipate a better outcome the next time,
your love will always be there. Be clear
about what you want them to do going
forward. Show them how when necessary.
Consider your advantages. Pay close
attention to your child's strengths and
interests. Make sure your child gets the

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opportunity to grow in these areas. If you
want to make kids feel good about
themselves, put more emphasis on their
strengths than their weaknesses. This
enhances conduct as well.

Praise for accomplishments, no matter how

minor, will make children feel proud;
allowing children to complete tasks
autonomously will make children feel strong
and capable. In contrast, making
disparaging remarks or negatively
contrasting a youngster with another will
make them feel worthless.
Avoid using strong language or
inflammatory statements. Just like physical
blows, remarks like "What a stupid thing to
do!" or "You act more like a baby than your
tiny brother!" hurt.
Be empathetic and pick your words wisely.
Tell your children that even when you don't
approve of their behavior, you still love
them and understand that everyone makes
mistakes.

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Chapter 3
Maintain Your Discipline with
Consistency:

Every home needs to practice discipline.

Discipline is intended to teach children how
to select appropriate behaviors and develop
self-control. They may push the boundaries
you set for kids, but they require those
boundaries to develop into mature,
responsible people.
Rules Can Be Beneficial; Although discipline
is frequently viewed negatively, it can also
be viewed positively if it is applied
consistently. A youngster gains the courage
to explore and learn about their
surroundings when there is regularity. They
feel confident that they are in a secure and

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predictable environment since they are
aware of what is permitted and what is not.
Additionally, it's crucial that this
consistency is a lifelong endeavor rather
than something that is started the day
before a significant occasion out of concern
that the youngster would misbehave. It will
be simpler for mom and the child if
consistency is maintained in discipline and
made a part of daily life.
Consistency refers to making deliberate
decisions about how you will interact with
or react to your child. Not changing that
intention and practice over time is crucial.
One of the best presents you can offer your
child, for instance, is to choose not to yell
and to gather your composure before
replying to them.
Children are given limitations and
boundaries via consistent structure, rules,
and routines. These aid in the organization
and integration of information, as well as
the development of an understanding of

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how the world functions and appropriate
behavior.
Consistency teaches kids what to expect,
which is the most important thing. Their
sense of security, comfort, comprehension,
and stability is increased as a result.
Kids can better comprehend your
expectations and learn self-control by
following established house rules. A few
guidelines might be: no TV until homework
is finished; no striking; and no name-calling
or unpleasant teasing.
One warning followed by punishments like a
"time out" or loss of privileges might be the
kind of system you want to put in place.
Failure to enforce penalties is a typical error
made by parents. Children cannot be
punished one day for talking back while
being ignored the next. Consistency teaches
others what to anticipate.
Give your children some time. When you
have a clear plan for the harsh measures
you'll take to deal with misbehavior, it's
simpler to maintain consistency. Depending

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on the behavior, be prepared with
reasonable repercussions, a timeout, or
active ignoring. Consider using a reward
system or other forms of positive
reinforcement to encourage good conduct.It
can be challenging for parents and children
to have a family meal together, let alone
spend meaningful time together. However, I
doubt anything would appeal to them more.
If you want to share breakfast with your
child, get up 10 minutes earlier in the
morning. If you want to go for a stroll after
dinner, leave the dishes in the sink. When
kids don't get the attention they seek from
their parents, they frequently disobey or act
out since they know they'll get caught.

Making plans for family time with their

children is enjoyable for many parents.
Establish a "special night" for your family
each week, and let the kids help you plan
how to spend the time. Find other ways to
communicate; consider placing a special
message or object in your child's lunchbox.

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Teenagers appear to require less parental
attention than younger children do. Parents
should try to be present when their teen
does express a wish to communicate or
engage in family activities because there are
fewer windows of opportunity for parents
and teens to get together. Being present at
sporting events, concerts, and other
gatherings with your adolescent shows that
you care about them and enable you to
develop meaningful relationships with them
and their friends.
If you're a working parent, don't feel bad
about it. Kids will remember all of the little
things you do, like preparing popcorn,
playing games, and window shopping.

Why is it crucial for me to discipline

my child?:
Your preschooler has to be aware of both the
expectations for her behavior and how you
will probably respond to it. By disciplining
her consistently, you can aid in her learning.

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She can explore and learn with confidence
because of consistency because she knows
what is permitted and what is not.
No need to be overly rigid. It's critical to
respond to your child's needs. She will
become confused if you consistently change
how you reprimand her or if you just
discipline her occasionally. She won't be
able to control her behavior as well if she is
unsure of her boundaries.

Giving in to occasional whining or tantrums

may seem to make life simpler, but in the
long run, it can make things much more
challenging. This is for the reason that it
teaches your child to complain to acquire
what she wants.
Here are some helpful hints on how to
consistently discipline your youngster.

Establish boundaries with your

youngster:
Create four or five ground rules for your
family's behavior around the most

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important topics. Include your child in the
rule-making process so that she feels as
though she has a voice.
Make an effort to be as detailed and lucid
with the regulations. A rule like "Always be
good" is useless because it doesn't specify
what is "good" for your child.
It is better advisable to say "We don't hit"
and "We clean our plates after eating."
Following your family's needs, you can also
establish your guidelines. You could want to
establish a rule like, "Always stay quiet in
the morning," if you or your partner works
shifts.

Your guidelines may also highlight actions

that your child needs to improve on in
particular. Pick one or two problems to
concentrate on at a time, such as her refusal
to go to sleep or her whining when she
wants sweets. Make sure your child is
always aware of the expectations for her
behavior when these circumstances arise.

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Make sure you lead by example by abiding
by all the regulations you establish. Young
children can pick up a lot from their parent's
behavior.
If she later observes you or your spouse
chewing on a chocolate bar, you can't just
tell her, "You're not permitted, sweets."Save
your indulgences for when she's not around
and try to always provide a positive example
for your child.

Request assistance:
Once you've established some principles and
are prepared to put them into action, seek
out as much assistance as you can. When
you're frustrated or exhausted, having a
backup might be quite helpful.
The rules and the method of enforcement
must be agreed upon by you and your
partner. Try to enlist the assistance of any
other family members your child spends
time with, such as the grandparents.
Discuss a specific behavior you're working
on with your child's key worker if they are in

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nursery or preschool. They might consent to
assist in enforcing your policies.
You can disagree with a parent's decision to
reprimand their child at times or wish they
had handled the situation differently.If this
occurs, try to wait until your child is away
from the person in question before
discussing it with them.
Inform them of the rules you've established
and the significance to you of their
continuous application.

When to use it:

Before a birthday celebration or travel to see
family, it may be tempting to give your
youngster a quick lesson in manners.
However, if you begin enforcing a new rule
when there is little pressure, you'll be more
successful. This will allow you both some
time to adjust to the new standards.
Any routine adjustments may initially be
difficult for your youngster to handle.
Therefore, avoid implementing a new

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disciplinary strategy right before the birth of
a new child or while moving. Instead,
whether things are hectic or stressful,
attempt to be as consistent as you can with
the established and existing regulations.

Show patience:
The secret to teaching young toddlers
anything is repetition. So even if it appears
like your words aren't getting through to
your child, keep on informing her when her
acts are unacceptable.
Try to maintain your composure while she
learns because this could take some time.
Give your child clear, understandable
explanations for why it's a good idea for her
to pay attention to you. A good illustration
of this is "You have to wash your hands
before you eat since they're dirty and you
could become sick."
She should eventually understand the
message if you are consistent over time.

Don't expect flawless conduct:

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Your child will occasionally test you and
may even defy you, which is entirely normal.
She doesn't intend to enrage you; rather, she
merely wants to learn more about the world
and push her limits.
When she misbehaves, giving her calm
instructions will make her feel supported
and cared for while also teaching her how
you want her to act.
If you have to apply your discipline
strategies every day, don't assume that they
are ineffective. Your child is more likely to
understand your message if you use the
same strategy repeatedly over time.
Additionally, as she ages,
her behavior will likely naturally become
easier to control.

Bend the rules:

Consistency is crucial, but if there is a
compelling cause, it's OK to make an
exception to a rule. Life isn't always
predictable, after all!

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Your youngster will start to grasp that there
are occasionally various rules in different
circumstances if you are a little flexible.
Being open with your child about the
reasons a rule doesn't apply in a given
circumstance is the key to flexibility.
Say, "Since we're taking a long drive today,
you can play with the tablet for an extra
hour." as an example. This demonstrates to
your youngster the logic and purpose behind
the regulations.But try not to break the rules
just because you're too busy or under
pressure to. Your child will learn from this
that rules aren't all that important.
Your youngster will rapidly learn that you
will cave in again if you do so once or twice
for no apparent reason. Therefore, only
break the rules when you can justify it to
your child.
Learn how to stop your child from ignoring
you and how to raise her without pampering
her.

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Chapter 4
Be a Good Role Model:

The admiration and imitation of role models

is common. They may motivate people to
work hard and advance without giving them
specific instructions by virtue of their own
traits and accomplishments. Parents can act
as consistent and changing role models for
their children because of their regular
presence and contact with them.
What makes a parent a good example to
follow?
For your child, you already serve as an
example. Your youngster is watching you
every time you say something, do
something, or react to someone or
something.
Children acquire language abilities and
eventually learn to talk in this way as

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infants. As they start to comprehend and
experiment with how interpersonal
connections function, preschoolers rely
heavily on observation. Even kids, though
you might not believe it, are paying
attention to what you say and how you
behave, monitoring how you deal with
anything from stress to job setbacks.One of
the most crucial relationships a child will
ever have is with their parent or other
primary caregiver. You are your child's first
instructor as a parent, and oftentimes, your
actions speak louder than your words.
Encourage your child to interact with the
family, especially in the early years. They
will then be able to benefit from pleasant
experiences and share them with others.

Negative experiences, however, will prevent

your child from developing in the way that
will allow them to thrive.
Children's environments have an impact on
their conduct, so altering the environment
may be able to alter the behavior. Look for

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ways to change your environment so that
fewer items are off-limits if you find yourself
saying "no" to your 2-year-old all the time.
Both of you will feel less irritated as a result.
You'll progressively need to modify your
parenting approach as your youngster
grows. There's a good chance that what
works for your child now won't continue to
work in a year or two.
Teenagers frequently look to their peers
more than their parents for role models. But
while letting your teen gain more
independence, keep giving them advice,
encouragement, and suitable punishment.
And take use of any opportunity you have to
connect!

What you say and what you do will be

consistent if you live your life in a way that
represents your values and what is
significant to you. This teaches your child in
no uncertain terms what you anticipate of
them as well as what they might anticipate
from you. As your child enters adolescence

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and starts to become more independent and
autonomous, it's critical to consider how you
can set a good example for them.
What you do matters; Your children are
watching everything you do, whether it is
your own personal health habits or how you
treat others. Steinberg claims that "this is
one of the most significant principles."
"Your actions have an impact... Avoid
simply responding on the spot. Consider
what you
want to achieve and whether doing
something would help you get there."

Young children pick up a lot about behavior

by watching their parents. The more cues
they pick up from you as they get younger.
Consider this before you lose it or lose your
cool in front of your kid: Is that how you
want your kid to act when he or she is
angry? Be mindful that your children are
always keeping an eye on you. According to
studies, children who are hit usually have an
aggressive role model at home.

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Show your children how to behave with
respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, and
tolerance. Act in a selfless manner. Do
things for others without anticipating
compensation. Thank you and be
complimentary. Above all, remember to
treat your children as you would like to be
treated.
The most obvious method to be a good role
model for your child is to show them how to
be the person you want them to be,
depending on what's important to you.
You could imitate the following:

Positive Relationships:
A smart strategy to help your child learn
how individuals may get along with one
another and work together is to involve
them in family discussions. Family is a
child's initial socialization experience and
frequently one of the most powerful
impacts.
the significance of education. Your
youngster can learn to value the process of

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discovery and learning with the support of a
good attitude toward education and
knowledge. Positive outcomes are typically
supported by an upbeat mindset.
Assuming accountability for your errors.
Your child will learn how to accept
responsibility for their own actions by
watching you freely admit your mistakes
and discuss how you can make them right.
Additionally, it teaches kids that mistakes
are normal and that you can always learn
from them.
Respect. Instead of just being angry and
agitated, you can teach kids what respect
and problem solving look like by treating
people with respect and making an effort to
resolve any disagreements that may
develop.

Maintain a Positive Attitude:

Your kid may be sure that he won't pass a
class, won't make the team, or will lose a
friend. Think about the energy in your own
household. Do you try to think positively?

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Maybe that pessimistic mindset starts at
home. Think before you act the next time
you make a mistake, like burning dinner.
Then be sure to smile and say how fortunate
you are to have the opportunity to order
takeout. Simple mistakes that don't have
major consequences are frequently the ideal
opportunities to set a positive example.

Impart the Importance of Health:

Are you having trouble getting your kid to
eat healthier foods or cut back on TV time?
They can't be expected to do it on their own!
Do it for them! Share wholesome meals and
snacks with them, limit your own TV
viewing, and organize joint outside activities
like nighttime walks or bike rides.
Work on Controlling your anger:
Is your youngster prone to yelling,
tantrums, or tears of frustration? Who are
you? You may teach your child essential
skills by demonstrating how to handle
tension, rage, or injured feelings. Anger is a
perfectly natural response in our fast-paced,

36
demanding, and stressful culture. The next
time you encounter a difficulty, make an
effort to maintain your composure, take a
deep breath, and work through the
situation. If it's acceptable, discuss with
your child what made you angry and how
you handled it. The next time he becomes
angry, your youngster will learn to stand
back and consider his own behavior.

Remember that teaching by example is

frequently quicker and more effective than
intimidating, threatening, or enticing
children with rewards into following rules. I
consider the mother who yells at her kids,
"Stop yelling!" as
an illustration. She could sincerely want
them to stop, but is she modeling bad
conduct or teaching them how to
communicate effectively?
Develop effective communication
techniques.
Do you desire more communication from
your child? or decide to speak rather than

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scream? Think about how you speak... Even
if it's not your kids, do you use them to
slander, berate, or dispute with others?
Words have a lot of power. Your child will
imitate your behavior if you show them how
damaging, rude, and unpleasant words can
be.
Do you give your child uninterrupted
attention? Be careful when and how you
speak to your child; pay her full attention
and respect her opinions. You are
instructing her to return the favor.

Chapter 5
Prioritize Communication:

Only 7% of the total act of communication

consists of verbal content, with the
remaining 38% occurring at the paraverbal
level (tone, volume, and speech speed),
which determines the quality of the
relationship or its attempts to be

38
understandable to children. Communication
is the lifeblood of social relationships. In any
relationship, it is essential. Communication
requires active listening, being available,
understanding, and
Parent-child communication involves more
than just straightforward expression.
Communication is the natural process of
transmitting ideas, information, and
material, to put it most simply.

"There are three levels of communication:

logical, verbal, and nonverbal. Out of these,
mutual regard and emotion are the most
logical. To communicate is to understand
how to offer and how to receive, in essence!
emotions and sentiments transferred
quickly from one person to another!
Parent-child communication is not always
difficult, but it does take some abilities,
availability, and time. Parent-child
relationships constitute some important
communication interactions.

39
as well as 55% at the nonverbal level (facial
expression, position, movement, clothing
etc.). if the contradiction doesn't exist.

Why is parent-child interaction necessary?

The interaction between parents and
children fosters a family communication
environment, aids in socialization, and
improves relationship values and abilities.
Parents are the main individuals who
interact and engage with infants regularly.
The development of a child's literacy
depends on improved responsiveness.
There is a growing amount of discussion
regarding communication nowadays, but
regrettably, it is less prevalent than it once
was. This is quite harmful. More often than
ever, people discuss how important it is for
parents to communicate clearly and in the
most appropriate manner possible. They are
said to be more understood than when they
adopt an irate tone. Parental and child
arguments are brought on via

40
communication. We can come up with a lot
of responses to the question above:

Family members become more trusting of

one another as they grow more
self-assurance. interactions between
children. There is no part of the relationship
between the parent and the child that does
not entail the use of suitable terminology
when parents speak to their children in
order to meet their actual needs.
Fair and equitable environments are greatly
influenced by parental and kid
communication! Postmodern culture has a
propensity to encourage superficial
communication based on appearance, young
person. When a parent grinned while telling
their child they were forgiven, the child
understood the message.
Relationships between parents and children
are established and maintained through
communication. In order for them to
understand you, employ a calm and
acceptable body language. The degree to

41
which those phrases are valued as socially
acceptable is implied by the use of a suitable
and the other hand. This openness and the
development of bonds inside the parent as
well as the delivery of the message to his or
her own child are substantially influenced
by communication in a calm tone that is not
unilateral.
Language used in communication can result
in the support or denial of a claim made by a
parent, or make it much simpler for
someone to grasp and accept a message of
forgiveness.

We cannot help but wonder about what is

necessary for communication to become
more powerful and effective: feelings of
panic, fear, misinterpretation of the
message, and blocking of the
communication process. Feedback obtained
through communication, interaction
between parents and children, and
communication process within the family.

42
Effective communication, comprehension,
and acceptance between parents and kids.
Parents may recognize, know, and get what
their child wants through communication,
which serves as the foundation of the
motivational process.
The error usually comes with a frown and
occurs when the child does not "catch" the
true meaning of a communication.
Vocabulary has two important implications:
on the one hand, it entails using words that
are understood by the child in
communication, which is why the message
must be congruent with body language in
order to be better understood and believed.
But in today's family, it doesn't matter if the
parent or child communicates because doing
so creates and induces psychological
comfort and allows for a quicker delivery of
the message while also preventing
misunderstanding in kids' brains.

Children's communication skills and ability

to relate to others will both develop as a

43
result of parents' frequent conversation with
their offspring.
Just because you, as a parent, expect your
children to do something doesn't "say so.
"Just like adults, they desire and need
explanations. Children will start to question
our beliefs and motivations if we don't take
the time to explain them to them. Kids may
understand and learn without feeling judged
when their parents reason with them.
Make it clear what you anticipate. If there is
a problem, discuss it, let your child know
how you feel about it, and ask them to help
you find a solution. Include consequences if
you can. Offer options and make
suggestions. Be receptive to your child's
advice as well. Negotiate. Children who are
involved in making decisions are more
inclined to follow through.
Parents frequently spend more time talking
to their children than actually spending time
with them. Practice paying close attention
and actively listening to your children (away
from a computer or phone screen). You'll be

44
astonished by how much closer you feel to
your child and how much more you
probably understand about what they are
experiencing and thinking.
Children rely on their daily experiences to
shape how they see the world and
themselves. Talking and listening to
children is one of the most crucial
experiences adults can give to them.
Children and adults can form bonds through
these regular contacts that aid in their self-
and world-learning. It is the duty of adults
who look after children to build and
preserve wholesome interactions with them.
Positive communication is one of the most
practical and mutually beneficial strategies
to accomplish this aim.

The development of a strong relationship

between you and your child depends on
open communication, which will also make
it simpler for you to discuss challenging
subjects with them when they get older.
Learning how to react to conduct is one of

45
the most difficult skills to acquire. To foster
effective communication with your child,
find out more about utilizing praise, playing,
and active listening.
The best part: You'll also be teaching your
child how to give you their full attention
when you want to talk with them about
something..
Talk during the in-betweens:
When was the last time you and your child
had a meaningful conversation? I have the
answers: take the bus or walk to school,
bake together, have a bath, and, of course,
go to bed. Because parent and child aren't
staring at each other during these times and
activities, words become more fluid. In
actuality, our
positions are parallel. While most of us
believe that talking should be about
developing meaningful relationships,
children actually reveal themselves when
they are in the midst of other activities, or
what I like to refer to as life's "in-betweens."

46
Make conversational rituals:
Watch how your child speaks in
conversation. You may have heard of
learning or attentional styles, but our
children's conversational patterns are
hard-wired and rarely altered. One child
might have a lot to say in the morning.
Before the bus arrives, another is hardly
human, but after school, they engage in
no-holds-barred banter. One of your kids
enjoys a lot of back and forth, another
requires slower conversation, while a third
cannot stand inquiries. The secret to being
open is to respect normal times and ways of
speaking rather than trying to change what
cannot be changed.
Create "speech rituals" based on them: You
could only need a short drive together or
some nighttime alone time to establish that
connection.

Be a human:
Show genuine emotion when speaking to
your youngster. Avoid overreacting, but also

47
avoid acting like a therapist. When children
are very young, sad, ill, or afraid, nodding
one's head, naming feelings, and reflecting
back is fantastic. However, it is far better to
answer in a human-like manner for the
routine tracking we need to stay in contact
with their lives. Are you serious, Earnest
was the victim of what Michael did? "I really
like what you said to Jenny; it makes me feel
good." After all, don't sincere reactions
encourage you to open yourself more as
well?

Promoting emotional literacy:

Assist your kids in telling the tale. We place
a lot of emphasis on academics, but we also
believe that children should be emotionally
literate and capable of telling a complete
tale. When one can explain a problem to
another and they work together to find a
solution, problems are better solved. I am
aware that children are slow to respond and

48
that timetables must be adhered to. But take
a two-minute break to ask follow-up
questions like, "Who was there? What were
their words? How did things proceed?
These give your child a sense of being heard
and demonstrate your interest in the entire
narrative. Our children can sense when we
are interested in the story because, as the
saying goes, "love is focused interest." I
want mom's full attention, a 6-year-old told
me. What do you mean there are no siblings
nearby?
Not thinking about 50 other things at once,
she retorted.

You also matter:

This is significant in our child-centric
culture. If you want your children to talk
about themselves, talk about yourself.
Spend a few minutes at supper the next time
talking about your day. You won't finish the
narrative because your youngster will
interrupt, I can assure you of that. Talking
about oneself causes youngsters to recall

49
events from three hours earlier, which is
why it's such a conversation starter.
Your child may respond, "I fought with
Jenny during gym," if you remark, "I fought
with one of my pals at work," for instance.
And one last thing about dinnertime: don't
grill your kids, grill the food.
Conversation-stoppers include incessant
questions like "How was school?" It feels
like I have to create all over again at supper,
as one preteen informed me.

Offer guidance:
Even our clever 21st-century children of all
ages still yearn for direction, which is hard
to believe. After you've responded to the
narrative and your child has finished, talk
about how they might act differently the
next time. Ask her for her thoughts, and
don't be shy about sharing your own. Avoid
lecturing and be aware of the hints that you
are talking too much. Use your personal
experience as guidance and keep it brief.
Since even young toddlers need to feel

50
separate enough to figure out what works,
start by saying, "I know my experience isn't
anything like yours, it's different now."

Recognizing your limitations is essential to

giving youngsters effective advice. "I can't be
there to decide whether to share that toy or
that secret with Joanne, but here's what I
think will happen," you should say. Children
feel more connected to you and are more
likely to open up when they are aware of
your beliefs.

Conclusion:
Parent-child connection is vital, especially if
parents wish to discover a better approach
to passing on important values to their
children.
Parents who scored well on the parent-child
interaction variable assert that during the
important part in creating a quality
interaction between them. Children should
avoid speaking out and instead use

51
communication to converse and express
their feelings.
Several guidelines for effective
communication are: avoid "preaching" to
children; refrain from saying anything that
could offend; pay close attention to what
youngsters say; and encourage conversation
with one's children. would rather chat with
the
The study makes it abundantly evident how
important it is for parents and kids to
communicate, as this helps them develop
life principles that will help them in the
present and, especially, the future.

Chapter 6
Emphasize Responsibility to them:

Children who are responsible develop

confidence and self-worth. Additionally, it
teaches teamwork and cooperation. The

52
importance of labor and responsibility
should be taught to children.
Kids will acquire the fundamentals of
independent living skills when you handle
them with duties like domestic tasks,
modest activities to accomplish, and making
them listen to you.
One of the best and most successful
parenting techniques is teaching your child
to be independent at a young age. Life
involves learning how to do chores and
housework.
Give young children minimal duties so you
can gradually increase the difficulty as they
get older. Your child's development is aided
by their responsibilities. They will succeed
in life if they start early and finish their
obligations.
Assign them tasks like putting their filthy
clothing in the laundry, brushing their teeth,
folding handkerchiefs, watering plants,
setting the table, and more. Support your
child as they work to fulfill a responsibility.

53
Additionally, having duties teaches children
new life skills and develops future leaders.

Raising an Accountable Child;

All of us desire to bring up responsible kids.
And we all want to live in a society where
people are brought up to be accountable and
where adults don't ignore their civic duties.
When he was four years old, my kid
remarked, "Don't adults realize they have to
clean up their messes?" as he surveyed the
filthy park.
So how can we teach our children to accept
accountability for their actions and how they
affect the world?
You start by encouraging your youngster to
view duty as a delight rather than a burden.
All kids want to believe they are strong and
capable of acting when something needs to
be done. They require this to feel good about
themselves and to have a purpose in their
lives. Kids don't merely want to be coddled.
Like the rest of us, they require a sense of

54
significance and contribution from their life
to feel like they matter to the world.
Therefore, you don't need to educate
youngsters on how to behave responsibly in
society; you just need to show them that
they can make a positive contribution and
relate to them in a way that makes them
want to.

A child does not automatically assume

responsibility; it is not something that
happens naturally. It must be instructed,
trained, and learned.
In some senses, the answer is obvious:
children act instinctively and are born with
no obligations. When they are hungry or
want anything, they cry, and when they need
to relieve themselves, they go to the
restroom. There is no accountability;
everything is based only on instinct and
cause and consequence.
As a result, accountability is not innate. It's
also not very enjoyable. For a child, most
responsibilities take a lot of time and are

55
dull. As a result, children naturally seek out
excitement and avoid monotonous activities
like:
"Clean up your space. Get into bed. Pack up
your books. Prepare your homework.
Recognize that staying on task when
something isn't pleasurable requires a lot of
maturity and discipline on the part of the
child. Practice is necessary. Additionally, it
calls for you to hold your child accountable
for his obligations and to coach him to be
responsible.

The following advice can assist you in

teaching children responsibility and guiding
them toward becoming independent, useful
adults:

Expect your children to constantly

clean up their messes as you raise
them:
Start by coaching your kid until she picks it
up on her own. If you can approach it with
positivity and kindness and keep in mind

56
not to worry about milk spills, she will learn
it more quickly. Even though it's simpler for
you to do it yourself, encourage her to assist
by offering her a sponge as you pick one up.
(And doing it yourself is typically easier.)
She will want to assist in cleaning up and
improving things as long as you don't judge
her, which will prevent her from becoming
defensive.

Consequently, say your kid spills her milk

"Oh no, milk leaked. Fine, that. We could
tidy it up "as you pick up a paper towel for
yourself and give her one. When your
preschooler drops her shoes in your path,
gently remind
her that "We always clean up our own stuff"
as you bring her the shoes and ask her to put
them away.
Until they leave your house, you will have to
continue doing this in some way. Your
youngster won't become defensive or
complain that you should do the cleanup if
you take a cheerful and lighthearted

57
attitude. Additionally, when children hear
the persistent friendly expectation that "We
always take care of our messes; don't worry,
I can assist. I'll fetch the sponge, but here
are some paper towels for you "They
improve as individuals and as global
citizens, making them easier to live with.

Children must have the chance to

benefit society:
Every youngster consistently makes some
kind of contribution to the rest of us. Find
those ways and mention them, even if it's
only that you like how sweet she is to her
younger brother or that you like her
constant singing. Whatever actions you
accept will develop.

Your children's contributions, both inside

and beyond the home, can rise as they get
older. Children must learn to take care of
themselves as well as contribute to the
well-being of the family. According to
research, children who assist with

58
household tasks are also more likely to
assist others than children who only take
care of themselves.
You can't anticipate them to adopt a helping
attitude overnight, of course. Gradually
introducing more responsibility in
age-appropriate ways is beneficial. Ask little
children (under three) to set the table with
the napkins. Five-year-olds can assist you in
grooming the dog, while four-year-olds can
match socks. Children as young as six are
capable of clearing the table, seven of
watering plants, and eight of folding
laundry. Again, take note of the fact that
you're empowering and inviting your child
rather than blaming and burdening them.

Keep in mind that no child with a rational

mind likes to perform "chores.":
Don't "make" your child perform tasks
without you unless they are a normal part of
your family routine and one that your
youngster does not object to unless you
want him to view helping out the family as a

59
chore. Your focus should be on developing a
youngster who will like contributing and
taking responsibility, not on completing this
particular task. Funnel out the work.
If necessary, sit next to him and assist him
during the first thirty times he performs the
work to provide as much structure, support,
and hands-on assistance as you can. You
should be aware that doing it yourself would
be a lot easier. Remind yourself that these
duties are enjoyable and express that to
others, along with your sense of
accomplishment. He will eventually be
handling these duties on his own. If he
enjoys them, that day will arrive much
sooner.

Even if it means extra work for you,

always let them "help" and "do it
themselves.":
Additionally, you will always have additional
work. However, when we provide toddlers
the tools they need to master their physical
environments, they take on the burden of

60
being "responsible." Reframe instead of
completing your list quickly. You're working
with your kid to help him understand the joy
of giving back. That matters more than
finishing the task fast or accurately. Take
note of how you are also bonding, which is
what encourages children to continue
participating.

Try asking your child to think instead

of just issuing direction:
For instance, in the morning instead of
shouting at the dallying child, "you should
floss! Do you have your bag packed? You
could say, "Remember to pack your lunch,"
or "What do you need to do next to be ready
for school?" The objective is to maintain
their attention on their list every morning
until they internalize it and can take control
of their daily routine.

Set up a structure and routines:

Children need them in their life for a variety
of reasons, not the least of which is that they

61
provide them with several chances to
manage themselves through a variety of
unappealing chores. They must first master
the evening routine, toy cleanup, and
morning preparation. After that, students
establish good study and grooming habits.
Last but not least, students
acquire fundamental life skills through the
repetition of daily chores like doing laundry
or preparing easy meals.
Use reparation as opposed to punishment to
teach your child to take responsibility for
her interactions with others:
Don't make your daughter apologize when
she offends her younger brother. It won't
help him and she won't mean it. First, pay
attention to her emotions to assist her in
sorting out the conflicted sentiments that
drove her to growl at him. When she has
recovered, ask her what she can do to
improve their relationship. She could be
prepared to apologize by then. She would
prefer to mend her relationship with him by
giving him a big embrace, telling him a tale,

62
or assisting him with his task of setting the
table instead of risking losing face.

Children are taught through this that how

they treat others has a price and that they
are always in charge of making repairs when
they cause damage. However, since you
aren't pressuring her, she can CHOOSE to
make the repair, which makes it feel
wonderful and increases the likelihood that
she will repeat it.
What if your kid refuses to be fixed? That
stems from grudges or what might be
referred to as "a chip on the shoulder."
Because she believes that her actions were
justified, if not by what happened in this
episode, then at least by prior grievances,
your child won't begin the mending process
because she feels like the one who has been
injured or offended. You'll need to be
actively part of that larger healing process,
so get started now by developing trust,
paying attention to your child's distress,

63
and recognizing those repressed
emotions.This demonstrates to your kid that
you're there for them, they're not alone, and
they may experience their former feelings
and get over them. But even as you help
your child overcome their earlier misery,
insist that they mend previous relationships.

Encourage your kid to pitch up for the

cost of broken things:
The likelihood of a repeat offense is minimal
if kids contribute to paying from their
allowance for lost cell phones and library
books, shattered windows from baseballs,
and tools left outside to rust.

Don't rush to rescue your child from a

challenging circumstance:
Ensure that he doesn't simply avoid the
difficulties by being available for
problem-solving, supporting him as he
works through his emotions and worries,
and letting him tackle the issue on his own,

64
whether that means issuing an apology or
making reparations more overtly.

Show accountability and

responsibility:
Be clear about the ethical decisions you're
making:
Don't make excuses; keep your word to your
child. Why should he be responsible for
maintaining his commitments and
agreements with you if you don't do what
you say you'll do, like pick up the notebook
he needs for school or play the game with
him on Saturday?
Do parents omit to instill responsibility in
their children? No of what other traits they
possessed, every parent I've
ever met could instruct their children to
bathe and get dressed, go to school, or clean
their room.
However, the key lies in how parents
respond when their child neglects to do the
dishes, go to school, or tidy up his room. In
other words, the problem is that parents

65
don't always encourage accountability. It's
important to enforce accountability.
If children don't fulfill their obligations, you
must keep them accountable. To hold a child
accountable, the parent must make the
punishment worse than it would be if the
child had finished the assignment in the first
place. And the act of being held accountable
encourages a readiness to fulfill the
obligations the following time.
Many parents fail to hold their children
accountable or don't enforce the
consequences they have already established,
which just encourages further carelessness.
The young child discovers once more that
his fabrications, falsehoods, and
justifications enable him to escape
accountability for his actions or conduct.

He also discovers that he won't be held

accountable by society, as exemplified by his
parents, and that things don't have to be
earned. The lesson is not good to learn.

66
Therefore, it's crucial to teach children
responsibility, and if they don't, you must
hold them accountable.

Avoid calling your kid

"irresponsible":
Never describe your child as "Irresponsible"
since our perceptions of our children are
always self-fulfilling. Instead, give him the
instruction he needs to develop
responsibility. Teach him to stop whenever
he leaves anywhere — his friend's house,
school, soccer practice — and tally out
everything he needs to bring home if he
consistently loses stuff.
Teach your kid how to create a schedule in
writing:
All children need to be proficient in this skill
by the time they reach high school;
otherwise, they will not be able to complete
everything that needs to be done in the busy
21st century. Start during middle school
weekends, or earlier if their schedule is
hectic. Simply write out the hours of the day

67
on a sheet of paper, then ask your child what
he needs to accomplish this weekend.
Include the baseball game, piano lesson,
birthday celebration, and all of the scientific
project's processes, including shopping for
supplies, constructing the volcano, and
writing and printing the description. Make
sure you schedule downtime so you may
relax and enjoy some music or go for ice
cream with your father. Since they are aware
of when everything will be completed, most
children find that this reduces their level of
stress. Most importantly, it teaches them
how to prioritize tasks and manage their
time effectively.

All children should have the

opportunity to labor for pay:
All children should have the opportunity to
work for income because it teaches them
how to take real
responsibility in the real world. Pay your
eight-year-old to do chores you wouldn't
typically expect of him, like

68
washing the car or weeding the garden.
Then, encourage him to take on odd jobs
around the neighborhood, like walking the
neighbor's dog or shoveling snow in the
winter. Eventually, he can take on
after-school or summer jobs. The world of
working outside the family for
compensation is one of the best
environments for teaching responsibility.

Establish a blame-free household:

When something goes wrong, we all
instinctively want to place blame on
someone. It's as if assigning blame could
stop the issue from happening again or
release us from accountability. In truth,
assigning blame puts everyone on guard and
makes them more likely to defend
themselves than to make reparations. It is
the main cause of children lying to their
parents. Even worse, when we point the
finger at them, kids come up with all kinds
of excuses as to why it wasn't their fault, at
least not in their own eyes. As a result, they

69
are less willing to accept responsibility, and
the issue is more likely to come up again.
Blame is the antithesis of unwavering love.
Why do we do it, then? Because it will make
us feel less out of control and because we
can't stand the idea that we may have
contributed in some way, however minor, to
the development of the problem. The next
time you catch yourself starting to point the
finger at someone, stop. Instead, assume
any responsibility you can without
criticizing yourself. It's good practice to
overstate your role. (Remember that you
model?) then simply accept
the circumstance. A state of acceptance
always leads to greater answers than a
condition of blame.

Conclusion:
One of the most crucial lessons young
children can learn is how to fulfill their
obligations. As they get older, they'll fully
comprehend the connection between
obligations, responsibility, and rewards. To

70
learn, however, is never too late. Children
who don't learn to fulfill obligations at a
young age must do so whenever their
parents are ready to teach them.
Children have the best opportunity of
avoiding many of life's hazards when they
learn to take responsibility for themselves.
They become more equipped to handle life's
inescapable issues as they arise, especially
as they age.
Some claim that you should anticipate your
kid to behave responsibly. But I contend
that you ought to demand it. Coach and
instruct it. Consider your approach to
enforcing accountability. It's a necessary
element of maturing and of learning how to
live effectively in a complex and demanding
world.
Teach your children that being an individual
is something they must do in addition to
having the right to do so.
According to studies, people who accept
responsibility in any given circumstance
regard themselves as willing to stand out

71
and be distinctive. You want to raise a child
like that.

72