ACTIVE

LISTENING
u Features and Tips for
Anger and Conflict
Management

Jacky Lai
Stephen Covey
Author of The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People

u “SeekFirst to Understand,
then To Be understood”
Habit 5
Why Active Listening?

u It
determines the success of the
communication process
u To understand from the speaker’s point of
view
u Unless
the receiver fully understands the
message, he cannot give feedback fully
Purpose of using
Active Listening

u Earning the trust of the speaker

u Hoping to comprehend the
situation
u Offering support and empathy
Benefits

u Improving your relationship

u Excelling in workplace
u Expanding social network
u Gaining wisdom
u Becoming a better mediator
Features of an Active Listener

u Neutral
u Non-judgmental
u Patient
u Verbal and nonverbal feedback (e.g.
smile, eye contact, leaning, mirroring)
u Asking appropriate questions
u Reflecting back what is said
u Summarizing
 Perception
Checking Skill
u Keeping Curiosity high all time
u Asking Questions about what
they said
u Exploring further
u Seeking deeper understanding
u Clarifying Doubts
u Filling the Gap
u Both the Situation and the
Emotions
Paraphrasing Skill

u Telling Speaker what he has just

said but in your own words
u Ensuring that he hears that you
understood
u If it is in a joint session then do
reframing to positivity
Questioning Skill
u Open-ended
u Close-Ended
u Clarifying
u Elaborative
u Hypothetical
u Exploring
u Reflective
u (Distracting)
u (Probing)
u (Rhetorical)
Summarizing Skill
u Be Stingy with Words
u Filter Main Ideas from Details
u Follow Arguments
u Identify Key Points
u Grasp the Theme
u Differentiate Fact from Opinion
u Analyze Text and Context
u Distill Insight from Information
Dos and Don’ts
u Do Pay Attention
u Do Acknowledge Speaker
u Do Understand
u Do Share his Experiences
u Do Explore his Observation
u Do Respect the Speaker
u Do Ask appropriate
Questions
u Do give Eye Contact
u Don’t Rush to Reply
u Don’t necessarily Agree with him
u Don’t do Labelling or Judging
u Don’t lose patience
u Don’t Interrupt
u Don’t abruptly change subject
u Don’t do internal dialogue
u Don’t do daydreaming
Q&A
Thank you very much!
Jacky Lai

Art Direction
Joseph T.C. Kong
josephkong123@icloud.com
WhatsApp 9559-6288
An example of what a dialogue with
active listening might look like:
1

u Heidi:
I had a fight with my sister and we haven't spoken to each other
since. I am so upset! Sorry it is family issue and I really should not
waste your precious time about my troublesome sister. I just do not
know who to talk to.

u Jenny:
It is okay. What happened?
2

u Heidi:
We had an argument over what to do for our parents'
anniversary. I’m still so angry.

u Jenny:
Oh that's tough. You must feel upset that you are not
speaking because of it.
3
u Heidi:
Exactly. She just makes me so angry. She assumed that I would
help her plan this elaborate party. I don't have time!
I could barely find time to sleep with this protracted battle in the
ward all day fighting the pandemic taking care of demanding
patients and doctors. And all the paperwork piles on my desk! It's
like she couldn't see things from my perspective at all.

u Jenny:
Wow. I see. How did that make you feel?
4

u Heidi:
Frustrated. Exhausted. And Angry.
Maybe a bit guilty that she had all these plans and I was the
one holding them back. Finally, I told her to do it without
me. But that's not right either.

u Jenny:
Sounds complicated. I bet you need some time to sort it
out.
5

u Heidi:
Yes, I guess I do. Thanks for listening, I just needed to vent.

uJenny:
Welcome. Thank you so much for telling me.

END