1

00:00:11,285 --> 00:00:13,045

I don't want you to grieve forever.

2
00:00:13,885 --> 00:00:14,965
I mean, grieve a bit.

3
00:00:15,845 --> 00:00:17,845
I want everyone in floods
at the funeral.

4
00:00:18,805 --> 00:00:20,605
But don't spiral, don't obsess.

5
00:00:20,965 --> 00:00:21,805
Keep going.

6
00:00:22,245 --> 00:00:24,725
Get up. Don't mope about in bed all day.

7
00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:26,605
Get out. Open the curtains.

8
00:00:26,925 --> 00:00:28,245
Enjoy the sun

9
00:00:28,325 --> 00:00:29,205
while you can.

10
00:00:30,845 --> 00:00:32,845
[melancholy music]

11
00:00:50,325 --> 00:00:51,325
[exhales]

12
00:00:52,325 --> 00:00:53,725
[Tony panting]

13
00:00:57,005 --> 00:00:58,485
[Brandy panting]

14
00:00:58,565 --> 00:00:59,405
[sighs]

15
00:01:00,285 --> 00:01:01,165
Hungry?

16
00:01:01,245 --> 00:01:02,365
[Brandy whines]

17
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:08,405
[sighs]

18
00:01:08,765 --> 00:01:11,005
If you could open a tin, I'd be dead now.

19
00:01:11,725 --> 00:01:12,925
But you can't, can ya?

20
00:01:13,685 --> 00:01:14,725
'Cause you're useless.

21
00:01:15,365 --> 00:01:17,165
Who's useless? Who's useless?

22
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:18,445
You are!

23
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:19,965
You are.

24
00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:21,445
You're useless.

25
00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:23,685
Good girl.

26
00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,325
[birds chirping]

27
00:01:42,725 --> 00:01:43,605
[Pat huffs]

28
00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:46,125
Do you still want me
to put it through the door?

29
00:01:46,285 --> 00:01:47,645
No, you can give it to me.
30
00:01:48,445 --> 00:01:51,325
Just a postcard from Mike and Beth,
whoever they are.

31
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,085
Friends.

32
00:01:53,605 --> 00:01:54,685
What's it say?

33
00:01:54,765 --> 00:01:56,365
Just says, "Having a great time, and...

34
00:01:56,885 --> 00:01:57,965
Mike's had diarrhea."

35
00:02:00,205 --> 00:02:01,045
Good.

36
00:02:01,645 --> 00:02:04,525
Well, let's hope you're still my postman
when I'm blind.

37
00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:10,005
Go on.

38
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:17,565
[woman] Well, we went to that nice
Greek restaurant that we usually go to.

39
00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:19,725
You know that one at the top of the road?

40
00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:22,885
Well, Sheila was in a terrible mood again.
Well...

41
00:02:26,165 --> 00:02:27,205
I'm going mad.

42
00:02:28,605 --> 00:02:30,325
You're only mad if they answer back.

43
00:02:31,245 --> 00:02:32,485
He does answer back.
44
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:34,565
[birds chirping]

45
00:02:35,525 --> 00:02:36,445
What's he say?

46
00:02:37,165 --> 00:02:38,485
Depends what I ask him.

47
00:02:39,525 --> 00:02:40,365
'Course.

48
00:02:42,405 --> 00:02:43,245
Your mum?

49
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:46,965
My wife.

50
00:02:47,965 --> 00:02:48,805
Oh.

51
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:50,885
Sorry.

52
00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:54,605
Stan was my husband.

53
00:02:56,765 --> 00:02:57,605
I'm Anne.

54
00:02:58,685 --> 00:02:59,525
I'm Tony.

55
00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:02,325
Nice to meet you.

56
00:03:07,765 --> 00:03:09,005
He seems nice.

57
00:03:09,925 --> 00:03:11,685
-Does he agree?
-Of course.

58
00:03:12,885 --> 00:03:14,485
Never disagreed with me once.

59
00:03:14,565 --> 00:03:16,605
Not in 48 years. [chuckles]

60
00:03:20,645 --> 00:03:21,805
I didn't get that long.

61
00:03:36,205 --> 00:03:37,645
[breathes in deeply]

62
00:03:45,245 --> 00:03:47,405
I met a nice lady in the graveyard, Dad.

63
00:03:49,685 --> 00:03:51,285
Don't tell Lisa.

64
00:03:52,325 --> 00:03:53,445
[quietly] Fuck me.

65
00:03:55,325 --> 00:03:56,485
She's more your age.

66
00:03:59,165 --> 00:04:00,645
A bit of Viagra... [whistles]

67
00:04:00,725 --> 00:04:01,605
Bob's your uncle.

68
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,285
Is he?

69
00:04:07,045 --> 00:04:08,085
Always nice to chat.

70
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,765
Right, here we go at last.

71
00:04:10,845 --> 00:04:12,765
-[Tony] Hi.
-[nurse] Sorry about that. Hi.

72
00:04:13,405 --> 00:04:14,565
Right, cuppa tea.
73
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:16,245
Two sugars.

74
00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:19,365
Right, let's get you sorted,
give you a wee comb.

75
00:04:21,165 --> 00:04:23,085
Doesn't look too bad, actually, does it?

76
00:04:23,925 --> 00:04:27,245
It's nice out there today.
We'll get out in the garden later on, eh?

77
00:04:29,365 --> 00:04:31,245
[sighing] I don't know how you do it.

78
00:04:31,885 --> 00:04:32,765
What?

79
00:04:32,845 --> 00:04:33,805
Stay sane.

80
00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:36,605
He doesn't know what you're on about,
does he?

81
00:04:36,685 --> 00:04:38,445
He doesn't remember you, I bet.

82
00:04:38,885 --> 00:04:40,285
He doesn't know he's alive.

83
00:04:40,525 --> 00:04:41,405
What is the point?

84
00:04:41,485 --> 00:04:42,925
What do you mean, "What's the point?"

85
00:04:43,365 --> 00:04:44,805
They helped us when they could,

86
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,725
now they can't.
He can't even help himself, so I do.

87
00:04:48,445 --> 00:04:50,485
No, I know. But is it for the best?

88
00:04:51,365 --> 00:04:52,885
We don't know what they're feeling.

89
00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:53,885
They don't know.

90
00:04:54,365 --> 00:04:55,325
[nurse] So just in case,

91
00:04:55,725 --> 00:04:57,325
be nice to them, eh?

92
00:05:01,525 --> 00:05:02,365
[nurse sighs]

93
00:05:02,445 --> 00:05:04,525
[Tony] My dad's completely gone now.

94
00:05:04,765 --> 00:05:06,485
I feel bad that I resent

95
00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:08,685
having to visit him every day,

96
00:05:08,765 --> 00:05:10,765
but I know I'd feel bad
if I didn't visit every day.

97
00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:12,445
And then when I do visit him every day,

98
00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:15,245
I feel bad when I leave
'cause it was so depressing.

99
00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:18,565
I know I'm not thinking straight,
but I don't wanna think straight

100
00:05:18,645 --> 00:05:21,925
'cause when I do, I get even more
fucking depressed because...

101
00:05:22,645 --> 00:05:23,605
I just wanna sleep.

102
00:05:24,605 --> 00:05:25,765
You know, I haven't...

103
00:05:26,445 --> 00:05:27,725
Sorry, am I boring you?

104
00:05:28,445 --> 00:05:32,445
I just got into an argument on Twitter
with some absolute moron medical student.

105
00:05:32,525 --> 00:05:34,725
Now he's decided to block me
'cause he couldn't take it.

106
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:35,725
[scoffs]

107
00:05:36,325 --> 00:05:37,445
It's pathetic.

108
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,245
It is, yeah.

109
00:05:39,325 --> 00:05:41,685
[therapist scoffs] I'd love to meet him.

110
00:05:42,245 --> 00:05:43,085
Yeah?

111
00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:45,565
And fucking give him a good hiding.
[chuckles]

112
00:05:48,045 --> 00:05:50,045
[melancholy piano]

113
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,085
[Tony] Off to buy some smack?

114
00:05:57,405 --> 00:05:58,245
Yep.

115
00:05:58,565 --> 00:06:00,045
How much do you get for that then?

116
00:06:00,645 --> 00:06:01,925
Err, just, um...

117
00:06:02,005 --> 00:06:03,165
It's like a little bag.

118
00:06:04,645 --> 00:06:05,925
I might join you one day.

119
00:06:07,525 --> 00:06:08,765
Yeah, anytime.

120
00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:09,685
Tonight?

121
00:06:10,725 --> 00:06:11,765
Err...

122
00:06:11,845 --> 00:06:12,685
How do you mean?

123
00:06:12,885 --> 00:06:14,285
I wanna try heroin tonight.

124
00:06:15,605 --> 00:06:16,885
What, you? Really?

125
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:17,805
Yeah.

126
00:06:18,405 --> 00:06:19,525
Why not? Fuck it.

127
00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:22,525
How much for one try?

128
00:06:23,005 --> 00:06:24,325
Erm...
129
00:06:24,405 --> 00:06:25,325
One try, one hit.

130
00:06:25,405 --> 00:06:26,685
What do you want exactly?

131
00:06:27,045 --> 00:06:28,045
Not injecting it.

132
00:06:28,645 --> 00:06:31,965
I can't stand needles.
Also AIDS. I don't wanna die of that.

133
00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:33,845
You only get AIDS if you share needles.

134
00:06:33,925 --> 00:06:36,245
Anyway, these days,
you don't really die of it, so--

135
00:06:36,325 --> 00:06:38,605
So, everything moves on, dunnit?

136
00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:40,405
Even AIDS.

137
00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:44,805
Yeah, it's probably best
if you smoke a bit in a joint.

138
00:06:44,885 --> 00:06:45,765
It's no big deal.

139
00:06:45,845 --> 00:06:46,805
Chasing the dragon.

140
00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:47,885
[snorts quietly]

141
00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:49,525
Yeah.

142
00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:51,005
Okay.
143
00:06:51,965 --> 00:06:52,885
Get me, err....

144
00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:56,125
twenty quids' worth.

145
00:06:56,205 --> 00:06:57,525
Just want a little taster.

146
00:06:57,925 --> 00:06:58,765
[Julian] Okay.

147
00:06:58,845 --> 00:07:00,885
Bring it around at seven,

148
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:02,325
-yeah?
-Yep.

149
00:07:02,405 --> 00:07:04,405
-[Tony] D'you know where I live?
-Yeah.

150
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,445
And keep it...

151
00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:08,965
-All right?
-Okay.

152
00:07:20,725 --> 00:07:22,645
-You ready, Jabba?
-[Lenny] One minute.

153
00:07:34,765 --> 00:07:37,045
You get a lovely little handful
of his neck.

154
00:07:37,845 --> 00:07:38,685
Like a pug.

155
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,205
[Braden] You all right?

156
00:07:43,725 --> 00:07:44,765
How's it going?

157
00:07:44,845 --> 00:07:48,725
I'm still alone, angry, in pain.
I can't wait to end it all. You?

158
00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:50,565
I'm fine, thanks.

159
00:07:51,085 --> 00:07:53,645
If you're not killing yourself tonight,
still okay to look after George?

160
00:07:53,725 --> 00:07:55,805
Yeah. What time did we say?

161
00:07:55,885 --> 00:07:57,205
About five.

162
00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,765
I've got a thing with Jill. Only be a
couple of hours. We'll be back by seven.

163
00:08:00,845 --> 00:08:02,325
Seven? By seven?

164
00:08:02,405 --> 00:08:04,365
I need to... I've got a thing at seven.

165
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:06,085
Yeah.

166
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:09,125
-Okay.
-What were you doing with his neck?

167
00:08:09,925 --> 00:08:12,245
Just showing Sandy the ropes.

168
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,285
The consistency,

169
00:08:13,365 --> 00:08:15,205
which is not like neck at all.

170
00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:18,645
-It's more like breast or scrotum.
-Well, you're not touching them.

171
00:08:19,725 --> 00:08:21,885
-You all right with that?
-Yeah, fine. [sighs]

172
00:08:21,965 --> 00:08:22,805
[Tony] He's nodding.

173
00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:25,605
-You all right with that?
-Yeah.

174
00:08:25,685 --> 00:08:27,805
Why wouldn't she be all right
with me grabbing his neck?

175
00:08:27,885 --> 00:08:30,045
These days, it's a minefield.

176
00:08:31,165 --> 00:08:34,005
-Are you gonna do that story?
-Yeah, we're off to do it now. Come on.

177
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:37,645
Is that how you were carried around
when you were young?

178
00:08:40,325 --> 00:08:42,125
-[Tony] See ya later.
-[Lenny] See ya.

179
00:08:42,205 --> 00:08:43,325
See ya.

180
00:08:43,405 --> 00:08:46,725
["London's Burning" on the recorder]

181
00:08:48,205 --> 00:08:50,205
[recorder continues]

182
00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:53,885
[recorder hits high notes]

183
00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:04,725
Wow. [scoffs, stutters]

184
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:08,045
Lost for words. It's just...

185
00:09:08,365 --> 00:09:09,205
[Tony] Um...

186
00:09:10,085 --> 00:09:11,085
Err...

187
00:09:11,165 --> 00:09:13,525
How long did it take you to master the...

188
00:09:13,605 --> 00:09:15,325
double-nostril recorder?

189
00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:17,045
Few hours a day
for a few weeks, wasn't it?

190
00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:19,885
[chuckling] Yeah. Blimey. Did me head in.

191
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:20,965
[laughs insincerely]

192
00:09:21,605 --> 00:09:22,885
All worth it now, though.

193
00:09:23,325 --> 00:09:25,445
-[woman] Yeah.
-[Tony] Yeah. Cool.

194
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:26,565
'Cause I haven't got a job.

195
00:09:26,645 --> 00:09:27,645
No?

196
00:09:27,725 --> 00:09:29,725
So I've got lots of time. [chuckles]

197
00:09:29,805 --> 00:09:31,005
Use it wisely.

198
00:09:31,765 --> 00:09:34,085
[Tony] Funny, 'cause it was only
this morning, I was thinking

199
00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:38,205
my life was worthless, and I should
definitely kill myself, and then...

200
00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:41,565
Makes you think, dunnit?

201
00:09:41,645 --> 00:09:42,645
Yeah.

202
00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:46,605
Get a picture?

203
00:09:47,765 --> 00:09:48,925
Recorders in.

204
00:09:49,565 --> 00:09:51,645
-[recorders whistle]
-[Lenny] Stick em up. There ya go.

205
00:09:52,205 --> 00:09:53,765
-[camera beeps]
-[Tony] Fuck me.

206
00:09:55,485 --> 00:09:56,725
-[Lenny] Cheers.
-[woman] Thanks.

207
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:57,805
[Lenny] Thank you.

208
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,445
[Tony, sighing] Oh, fuck.

209
00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:05,845
[Lenny and woman muttering]

210
00:10:05,925 --> 00:10:07,045
[indistinct dialogue]
211
00:10:09,925 --> 00:10:11,045
That was funny.

212
00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:12,765
[Tony] Was it though?

213
00:10:13,325 --> 00:10:16,405
A fat kid who still lives at home
with his mum, no job,

214
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:19,565
so he shoves recorders up his nose
and he wants the world to know.

215
00:10:19,845 --> 00:10:22,765
Why would people rather be famous
for being shit than not famous at all?

216
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:23,805
When did that start?

217
00:10:23,885 --> 00:10:25,845
It's just a bit of a laugh.
We do these stories

218
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:28,245
so people read them and go,
"Oh, that's interesting."

219
00:10:28,925 --> 00:10:30,005
Like a road accident.

220
00:10:30,525 --> 00:10:32,285
When you slow down
on the motorway you go,

221
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,085
"Oh, that's interesting.
Oh, I wish I hadn't looked."

222
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,885
Good how he played two at the same time.

223
00:10:41,405 --> 00:10:44,445
-[Tony] What did you say to the mother?
-Asked if I could call her.
224
00:10:44,525 --> 00:10:46,405
-[Tony] Why?
-What do you mean, "why?"

225
00:10:46,725 --> 00:10:48,965
-Why would you need to call her?
-For a date.

226
00:10:49,445 --> 00:10:51,205
You asked the fat kid's mom out on a date?

227
00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:52,245
Yeah.

228
00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:53,885
-[Tony] Unbelievable.
-Why?

229
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,885
[Tony] Unprofessional. Embarrassing.

230
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:56,805
For who?

231
00:10:57,085 --> 00:10:58,925
For me, for her, probably.

232
00:10:59,005 --> 00:11:00,165
Well, she said yes.

233
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:03,325
[Tony] Seems odd. You meet a woman
who wants to get a fat kid in the paper,

234
00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:04,805
and you hit on her immediately.

235
00:11:04,885 --> 00:11:06,525
I've got a very high sex drive.

236
00:11:06,605 --> 00:11:08,645
Okay, well never say those words again.

237
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:11,045
[computer keyboard clattering]

238
00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:16,165
Oh.

239
00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:17,765
It's coming this way.

240
00:11:19,085 --> 00:11:21,485
Be very still and it might not see us.

241
00:11:24,645 --> 00:11:26,485
Nah, we're done for.

242
00:11:27,005 --> 00:11:28,325
It's stopping.

243
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,045
-All right?
-[Sandy] Hi.

244
00:11:33,565 --> 00:11:35,645
-[distant telephone ringing]
-[Kath sighs]

245
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,685
Do you have weird dreams?

246
00:11:40,965 --> 00:11:41,805
[Sandy] Erm...

247
00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:44,205
-Sometimes.
-[Kath] Mmm.

248
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:45,125
Yeah.

249
00:11:46,685 --> 00:11:47,765
What about you?

250
00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:50,405
I don't have any dreams at the moment
'cause I'm not sleeping.

251
00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:53,045
But even if I did,
I wouldn't tell them to anyone

252
00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:56,765
because there is nothing more boring
than someone telling you a dream they had.

253
00:11:57,205 --> 00:11:58,605
See what you think of this then.

254
00:11:59,205 --> 00:12:01,765
-She's gonna tell us anyway-.
-[Kath] I was looking in the mirror,

255
00:12:02,405 --> 00:12:04,325
and I looked really weird

256
00:12:04,405 --> 00:12:05,925
and I could pull my hair out--

257
00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:06,845
I know how you feel.

258
00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:08,085
And...

259
00:12:08,165 --> 00:12:10,365
So I tried my teeth,
and my teeth were loose,

260
00:12:10,765 --> 00:12:13,125
but then, it wasn't me, it was a baby.

261
00:12:13,205 --> 00:12:14,685
What the hell does that mean?

262
00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:17,605
Wow. You had that dream with the baby
and the teeth and the hair?

263
00:12:17,685 --> 00:12:20,485
-Mmm.
-Wow, I don't know if it was Freud or Jung

264
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:23,085
that said if you have that dream
and tell other people about it,

265
00:12:23,165 --> 00:12:24,485
you're really fucking boring.

266
00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:25,805
Rude.

267
00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:29,005
Make a good column, though,
wouldn't it, dreams?

268
00:12:29,085 --> 00:12:31,925
[Tony] No. I tell you what would be good.
I haven't been sleeping,

269
00:12:32,005 --> 00:12:35,125
so if you could come around every night
and talk to me for five minutes,

270
00:12:35,205 --> 00:12:37,645
and then sneak out as I slip into a coma,

271
00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:39,685
that'd be really good.

272
00:12:40,045 --> 00:12:42,365
[Kath] Thought of another feature
for the paper, actually.

273
00:12:42,445 --> 00:12:44,445
Fantasy dinner-party guests.

274
00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:47,965
Brilliant, hey? Pick your top five
favorite people, and why.

275
00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:49,165
Why, indeed.

276
00:12:49,245 --> 00:12:51,365
Who would yours be?
Five people, dead or alive.

277
00:12:51,445 --> 00:12:52,485
Dead.

278
00:12:52,565 --> 00:12:54,645
-Who, though?
-Doesn't matter, as long as they're dead.

279
00:12:54,725 --> 00:12:56,125
[sighing] I know mine.

280
00:12:56,205 --> 00:12:58,245
-[Tony] Of course you do.
-Number one, James Corden.

281
00:12:58,325 --> 00:13:00,645
-Fuck me.
-We could do that Carpool Karaoke.

282
00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:02,245
Could you do Carpool Kamikaze?

283
00:13:02,325 --> 00:13:03,765
That man can do anything.

284
00:13:03,845 --> 00:13:06,205
-And does.
-I know the cool kids don't like him,

285
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,765
but he never stops working.

286
00:13:07,845 --> 00:13:10,525
-As a chauffeur mainly.
-He's a grafter, like me.

287
00:13:10,925 --> 00:13:11,885
Princess Diana.

288
00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:14,685
She'd know how she died.
You know, what happened.

289
00:13:14,765 --> 00:13:17,085
So we'd be able to sort that out,
once and for all.

290
00:13:17,165 --> 00:13:19,805
So you've brought this poor woman
back to life

291
00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:21,845
so you can quiz her about how she died?

292
00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:24,965
The dead always want to tell their story
so they can be at peace.

293
00:13:25,045 --> 00:13:27,885
She's not at peace. She's in a room
with you and James fuckin' Corden.

294
00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:29,325
-Mr. Bean.
-Fictional.

295
00:13:29,405 --> 00:13:30,605
Hilarious, more like.

296
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:34,085
You've invited multimillionaire
Rowan Atkinson, right,

297
00:13:34,165 --> 00:13:38,085
along to a dinner party with you,
a dead woman, and James Corden,

298
00:13:38,365 --> 00:13:39,885
and you expect him to stay in character

299
00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:42,445
for three hours as Mr. fuckin' Bean?

300
00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:44,285
It's up to me who I invite.

301
00:13:46,645 --> 00:13:47,485
Kevin Hart,

302
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:48,885
funniest man in the world.

303
00:13:49,445 --> 00:13:51,285
-That's four, innit?
-Yeah.

304
00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:53,125
-Michael Jackson.
-[Tony scoffs]

305
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,845
James Corden would come
if Jacko walked in.

306
00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,965
Just fuckin' drench everyone.

307
00:13:59,485 --> 00:14:00,605
You need to grow up.

308
00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:04,805
Worst dinner party ever.

309
00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:08,685
[sighing] Oh, good.

310
00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:11,005
Busy?

311
00:14:11,365 --> 00:14:12,205
Trying to be.

312
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,685
It doesn't look like you are.

313
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:16,085
Watching her bothering us
while we're trying to work?

314
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:17,845
Can you do what I asked you to do, please?

315
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,405
You're meant to be teaching Sandy--

316
00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:20,565
She's learning a lot.

317
00:14:22,005 --> 00:14:22,845
Please.

318
00:14:30,645 --> 00:14:32,205
Right, it's going. Come on.

319
00:14:32,285 --> 00:14:33,725
-No, come on.
-Yeah.

320
00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:36,765
-This is stupid. You're gonna get hurt.
-Why?

321
00:14:36,845 --> 00:14:38,765
-Because you're old!
-I'm not old.

322
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,965
-[Lisa] I'm old. Look, I'm drunk.
-Come on.

323
00:14:41,045 --> 00:14:43,285
-I know, but that's good if you're drunk.
-No, it's stupid.

324
00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:45,485
Drunk people, they sort of bounce.
All right, come on.

325
00:14:45,565 --> 00:14:48,445
If I fall on you,
I'm not taking you to A&E.

326
00:14:48,525 --> 00:14:50,765
-[Tony] No. Okay.
-Right, go. Go. [laughing]

327
00:14:50,845 --> 00:14:52,205
Stupid thing!

328
00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:53,725
-[whooping] I'm flying!
-[Tony whoops]

329
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,405
[Tony laughing loudly]
330
00:14:55,485 --> 00:14:56,525
Yes!

331
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,805
[Tony] Let go, sweetie. Let go.

332
00:14:58,885 --> 00:15:02,045
-[Tony] Whoa! Argh! [laughing]
-[Lisa laughing hysterically]

333
00:15:03,525 --> 00:15:04,845
[keyboard clattering]

334
00:15:08,645 --> 00:15:11,645
So what sort of journalism
are you interested in?

335
00:15:12,365 --> 00:15:13,845
You don't have to babysit me.

336
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,445
I'm happy to just sit here.

337
00:15:18,005 --> 00:15:19,165
I like peace and quiet.

338
00:15:19,765 --> 00:15:22,645
I live at home with my mum,
dad, brother and sister, so...

339
00:15:23,165 --> 00:15:25,005
the house can be quite full of life.

340
00:15:26,085 --> 00:15:27,405
-[Sandy sighs]
-What?

341
00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:28,685
[quietly] I'm sorry.

342
00:15:28,765 --> 00:15:30,205
What? What's the matter?

343
00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:33,085
You're sad.
344
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:34,925
It's fine, seriously.

345
00:15:35,925 --> 00:15:38,605
I was married for 25 years.
It was brilliant.

346
00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:41,285
Now it's over. It's not your problem.

347
00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:43,965
-Did you not want any kids?
-No.

348
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:48,445
-Annoying little fuckers.
-[laughs and sighs]

349
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,965
You can still be happy.

350
00:15:52,045 --> 00:15:53,525
[whispering] I'll try, but stop crying

351
00:15:53,605 --> 00:15:55,565
because people will think
I said summat awful.

352
00:15:55,645 --> 00:15:57,485
-Okay.
-[whispering] Okay. Shhhh.

353
00:15:58,245 --> 00:16:01,605
See, this is why I don't want kids.
They're too snotty and pathetic.

354
00:16:01,685 --> 00:16:02,925
[Sandy laughs]

355
00:16:03,485 --> 00:16:04,485
Oh!

356
00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:05,965
I think he's gonna eat. Watch this.
357
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:28,925
He told you to watch me eat, didn't he?

358
00:16:29,005 --> 00:16:29,885
Yeah.

359
00:16:30,525 --> 00:16:32,205
-Thoughts?
-It's fine.

360
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,485
No, exactly. I put the food in my gob,

361
00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:37,725
I chew it, I swallow it,
just like everyone else.

362
00:16:37,805 --> 00:16:40,725
But from here,
it looks like that super photography

363
00:16:40,805 --> 00:16:45,805
when they sort of magnify a snail,
like one thousand times, eating a cabbage.

364
00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:48,765
No, nothing like that.
You'd never catch me eating cabbages.

365
00:16:48,845 --> 00:16:50,765
My granddad never used to eat cabbages.

366
00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:53,325
Did he die of diabetes like he's gonna?

367
00:16:53,405 --> 00:16:54,485
No, bowel cancer.

368
00:16:57,205 --> 00:16:58,805
Do you get any fiber in your diet?

369
00:16:58,885 --> 00:16:59,845
Yeah, loads.

370
00:16:59,925 --> 00:17:02,045
-What fruit and veg?
-Meant to have five a day.

371
00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:04,285
-How many portions do you have a day?
-Ten.

372
00:17:04,365 --> 00:17:05,925
-Potatoes don't count.
-None, then.

373
00:17:23,725 --> 00:17:25,725
-[klaxon hoots]
-[Lisa screams]

374
00:17:25,805 --> 00:17:28,765
-[Tony laughing hysterically]
-Oh, my God, Tony! [laughs]

375
00:17:29,725 --> 00:17:32,565
-You're such a dick!
-[Tony laughing] Oh!

376
00:17:32,925 --> 00:17:34,285
-That's really good.
-[Lisa] Thanks.

377
00:17:34,365 --> 00:17:35,845
[Tony] I like to think that I helped--

378
00:17:35,925 --> 00:17:37,805
-[Lisa] Yeah, that bit.
-[Tony laughing]

379
00:17:37,885 --> 00:17:39,725
-[Lisa] You can sign that bit.
-[doorbell rings]

380
00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:41,805
[Lisa] Yeah, where I jumped.

381
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:50,125
-[Braden] Hey. You all right?
-Good. All right, George?

382
00:17:50,205 --> 00:17:53,165
-So I'll be back about seven.
-Make sure it is. I've got that thing.

383
00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:55,165
-Okay, no worries. See you then.
-Yep.

384
00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:56,965
Be a good boy for Uncle Tony, George!

385
00:17:58,685 --> 00:18:02,245
Um, maybe don't bring up
the wanting to kill yourself thing.

386
00:18:03,445 --> 00:18:04,325
As if I would.

387
00:18:04,845 --> 00:18:06,725
Sorry. Yeah, I know. Okay.

388
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,205
What if he brings it up?

389
00:18:10,565 --> 00:18:11,645
Why would he bring it up?

390
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:13,565
He wouldn't.

391
00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:15,005
It was a joke.

392
00:18:15,085 --> 00:18:16,125
Oh. [laughs feebly]

393
00:18:17,485 --> 00:18:19,165
-All right, see ya later.
-See ya later.

394
00:18:24,725 --> 00:18:25,565
Do you want a drink?

395
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:26,685
Yes, please.

396
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,165
-Whiskey?
-[chuckles]

397
00:18:35,165 --> 00:18:36,365
And we've got-- Oh.

398
00:18:37,565 --> 00:18:38,405
Coke?

399
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:39,925
[can opening]

400
00:18:41,765 --> 00:18:42,765
[Tony sighs]

401
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,965
Daddy says you're sad
since Auntie Lisa died.

402
00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:49,605
Yep.

403
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,085
I'm sad, too.

404
00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:53,805
I dream about her sometimes.

405
00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:56,165
Me too.

406
00:18:56,245 --> 00:18:58,205
Why didn't the doctors make her better?

407
00:19:00,165 --> 00:19:01,005
They tried.

408
00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:03,445
Why didn't Jesus save her?

409
00:19:03,525 --> 00:19:05,005
'Cause he's an arsehole.

410
00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:06,045
[laughs]
411
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:08,645
-Don't tell your mum and dad I said that.
-I won't.

412
00:19:09,645 --> 00:19:11,205
-You had your tea?
-No.

413
00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:13,325
-Hungry?
-Yeah.

414
00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:15,525
Shall we go to the cafe?

415
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,365
-[George] Yeah.
-Yeah. Come on then.

416
00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:22,365
-You got any money?
-No.

417
00:19:22,445 --> 00:19:23,645
Loser. [clears throat]

418
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,205
[Tony] What d'you fancy?
-Mmm...

419
00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:31,285
Fish fingers and beans.

420
00:19:31,365 --> 00:19:32,205
[Tony] Good choice.

421
00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:34,125
Think I'll have that.

422
00:19:35,245 --> 00:19:38,325
-What can I get for ya?
-We're having the fish fingers and beans.

423
00:19:38,685 --> 00:19:40,645
That's only on the children's menu,
I'm afraid.

424
00:19:40,725 --> 00:19:42,205
Yeah, I'm not very hungry.

425
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,885
I can't let you order that.

426
00:19:44,605 --> 00:19:45,445
What do you mean?

427
00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:47,405
It's for children. [laughs]

428
00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:49,885
But... I can eat what children eat,
can't I?

429
00:19:49,965 --> 00:19:51,365
Yeah, but it's only £4.99.

430
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,885
Yeah, I know,
'cause it's a smaller portion.

431
00:19:54,765 --> 00:19:56,285
I'm paying child's prices,

432
00:19:56,365 --> 00:19:58,205
but I'm getting a children's portion.

433
00:19:59,005 --> 00:20:01,485
Yeah, but we made it cheaper
'cause it's for kids.

434
00:20:01,925 --> 00:20:03,485
I know, 'cause they're smaller.

435
00:20:03,685 --> 00:20:06,005
It's smaller 'cause they're smaller.
It's not a concession.

436
00:20:06,085 --> 00:20:09,405
It's not 'cause they're unemployed, is it?
And also, an adult's paying, so--
437
00:20:09,485 --> 00:20:10,485
It's the rules.

438
00:20:11,885 --> 00:20:13,645
-Is it?
-Mmm.

439
00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:15,085
Right.

440
00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:18,045
Well, he'll have fish fingers and beans...

441
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,125
twice.

442
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:23,005
-You'll just eat one of them, won't ya?
-Nah.

443
00:20:23,525 --> 00:20:24,605
So what are you ordering?

444
00:20:24,685 --> 00:20:27,045
As I say, I'm not very hungry,
so I'll just get a coffee.

445
00:20:28,725 --> 00:20:29,605
[huffs]

446
00:20:32,805 --> 00:20:33,805
Both for him, are they?

447
00:20:42,245 --> 00:20:43,525
-That good?
-Mm.

448
00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:46,965
[customers chattering]

449
00:20:48,405 --> 00:20:49,445
Mmm.

450
00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,125
[Brandy panting]
451
00:21:04,685 --> 00:21:06,125
[under breath] Fuckin' 'ell.

452
00:21:06,205 --> 00:21:07,965
[quietly] Where's your fuckin' dad?

453
00:21:09,245 --> 00:21:11,205
-[doorbell rings]
-Oh. Oh, no.

454
00:21:11,285 --> 00:21:13,605
Please don't be Julian.
Please don't be Julian.

455
00:21:15,245 --> 00:21:16,125
Yes!

456
00:21:17,725 --> 00:21:19,365
-George!
-I'm sorry, erm...

457
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,085
[Tony] It's all right. See ya later.

458
00:21:21,165 --> 00:21:22,725
-Cheers.
[Braden] There he is. All right?

459
00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:24,245
-See you tomorrow.
-All right?

460
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,245
-Yeah, good.
-Yeah?

461
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,845
-Had a good time?
-Yeah, good. Off you-- Fuck.

462
00:21:28,325 --> 00:21:30,485
-Hey, what are you doing here?
-[Tony] Because...

463
00:21:31,005 --> 00:21:33,845
he's come around to talk about
getting started on the paper.

464
00:21:35,005 --> 00:21:36,245
-Not this.
-Oh, right.

465
00:21:36,325 --> 00:21:37,405
-Great.
-Exactly.

466
00:21:37,485 --> 00:21:39,125
-Right--
-[Braden] Got a takeaway?

467
00:21:39,205 --> 00:21:40,125
It's drugs.

468
00:21:40,205 --> 00:21:41,685
-You don't need to answer--
-What?

469
00:21:41,765 --> 00:21:43,605
And it's seven, so go.

470
00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,405
-Okay.
-[Tony] Come in.

471
00:21:46,165 --> 00:21:47,245
[Braden] Was that all right?

472
00:21:47,325 --> 00:21:49,565
Why would you say drugs?

473
00:21:57,405 --> 00:22:00,885
♪ I packed my bags last night
Preflight ♪

474
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:07,445
♪ Zero hour, 9:00 a.m. ♪

475
00:22:10,965 --> 00:22:15,445
♪ And I'm gonna be high ♪

476
00:22:16,045 --> 00:22:18,845
♪ As a kite by then ♪

477
00:22:25,005 --> 00:22:27,645
♪ I miss the Earth so much ♪

478
00:22:27,725 --> 00:22:29,445
♪ I miss my wife ♪

479
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:36,205
♪ It's lonely out in space ♪

480
00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:43,885
♪ On such a timeless flight ♪

481
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:56,405
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time ♪

482
00:22:56,485 --> 00:22:59,925
♪ 'Till touch down
brings me round again to find ♪

483
00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:03,405
♪ I'm not the man
they think I am at home ♪

484
00:23:03,485 --> 00:23:05,325
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪

485
00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:08,445
♪ I'm a rocket man ♪

486
00:23:10,005 --> 00:23:11,485
♪ Rocket man ♪

487
00:23:11,565 --> 00:23:14,925
♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪

488
00:23:20,965 --> 00:23:24,405
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time ♪

489
00:23:24,485 --> 00:23:28,285
♪ 'Till touch down
brings me round again to find ♪
490
00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:31,365
♪ I'm not the man
they think I am at home ♪

491
00:23:31,445 --> 00:23:33,645
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪

492
00:23:34,245 --> 00:23:36,605
♪ I'm a rocket man ♪

493
00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:39,605
♪ Rocket man ♪

494
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:43,085
♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪

495
00:23:49,285 --> 00:23:52,525
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time ♪

496
00:23:52,605 --> 00:23:56,285
♪ 'Till touch down
brings me round again to find ♪

497
00:23:56,365 --> 00:23:59,405
♪ I'm not the man
they think I am at home ♪

498
00:23:59,485 --> 00:24:01,525
♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪

499
00:24:02,285 --> 00:24:04,485
♪ I'm a rocket man ♪

500
00:24:06,165 --> 00:24:07,485
♪ Rocket man ♪

501
00:24:07,805 --> 00:24:11,325
♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪

502
00:24:14,645 --> 00:24:18,685
♪ And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time... ♪