PROJECT II: Life Story from Developmental Perspective

İdil Eylül Durmaz

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STAGE 1: Prenatal

A. Prenatal Development and Mother's Pregnancy

My mother describes her pregnancy to me as “normal”. She tracked her weight from the

first week, and said that she gained according to ”Fetus Weight Charts”. However, some

issues emerged during the first 3 months of pregnancy. She had some stomach problems

and was not able to drink water because she hated its taste.

B. Birth Details, Early Appearance, and Pain Relief Drugs

acco on my birth certificate, I was born in Gaziosmanpaşa/ Duygu Hospital at 9:55 am, as a

female, with a weight of 2930 g, a height of 50cm, and a head circumference of 34cm. My

hair was visible and my face was a vibrant red. My mother had a C-section as it was

recommended by her doctor. My position in my mother’s uterus was bottom first and being

a breech baby made normal birth difficult. Furthermore, my hip was dislocated too, which

led me to use the biggest diapers in the supermarkets.

For birth, she used medical narcosis before her c-section.

C. Newborn Description and Family Adjustment

In the first week, sleeping 23 hours was my norm but later on because of gas pains and

constipation, it was interrupted. Nevertheless, crying was not a big issue for my parents

because I didn’t cry much.

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Their adjustment was “normal” as they say. My mother stated that she did not have post-

partum depression. When I asked my mom how they adjusted, she jokingly said “Well we

had to…(Laughing) They put you in my arms so we had to.” But I also heard that my father

adjusted a bit later because he did not want to sacrifice his own hobbies or “life”.

She described me as a “facile, effortless and easy” baby. My general mood was incredibly

happy. I was not a shy baby and was quite outgoing. My adjustment to my family was rapid, I

was never really cowardly toward my family. My eating habits were also normal if it’s not a

bit too much. As stated by my mother, I was not and have never been a picky eater and have

“devoured” every food item they have given me. She fed me with her milk for 4 months but

then had to switch to supplementary foods because her milk would not be enough for me.

STAGE 2: 0 - 2 years

A. Feeding Method

My mother stated that she breastfed me because, and I quote, why would she bottle feed?

But her milk was not enough for me so she had to use supplementary food for 4 months. I

was a baby that ate a lot.

B. Caregivers

My parents were the ones who took care of me but my grandmas, usually from my mother's

side, also helped her when it was too hard for her or she was overwhelmed. My mother left

her job as a kindergarten principal for me. She did not send me to childcare because even
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though she did not work with the 0-2 range, she is a kindergarten teacher and didn’t need to

send me.

C. Motor and Language Development

As reported by Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018) and my birth certificate, my gross motor

development was on par with the general milestones of gross motor development for

infants. As Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018) state, Lifting the head to a 90-degree is at 2-3 months

old, and based on my birth certificate; at 3 months old, I raised my head to a ninety-degree

angle. As explained by the book, starting to crawl is at 7-9 months. Based on my birth

certificate; at 7 months, I started crawling. Starting to walk is also at 11 months old, on par

with the book. (p.89)

My mother states that she doesn’t remember much about my fine motor skills.

My language development was rather steady. I started smiling in the first month and

laughed loudly in the 4th month. I said my first word around the 11th month, which was

“Mama” (as in baby food).

D. Language Development Referring to Chomsky's Theory

As stated by Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018), Chomsky’s theory states that both internal and

external devices play crucial roles in developing language. My family is a typical Turkish

family that speaks one language. We never had a writer out of our lineage, only some

musicians. My dad also knew English and did his very best to teach me from a young age. My

dad is from Edirne and my mother is from Sinop but they were both born in
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İstanbul, I never had a significant cultural difference while growing up, except when I went

to Edirne which had a small impact because of the “Thracian Accent”.

But I lived in Gültepe, Kağıthane, İstanbul. My grandmother, whom I spent a lot of time with,

lived in a rather dangerous side of Gültepe and many friends of mine were from there, which

led me to use swear words rather early.

My mom, being a kindergarten teacher, had me use flashcards, puzzles, and colorful books.

Both my mom and dad are bookworms so they read me books every single night. My

mother would take me to a bookstore and keep me there even if I got bored to make me be

familiar with books.

E. Temperament

An overly active and positive child with tremendous curiosity. I was adventurous. And

laughed a lot, especially when music and games were around me. I presented my happiness

easily, and always hugged or kissed my parents. When I was upset, I cried loudly too. All my

emotions were generally intense. When I played with my cousin, who was six months

younger than me, daily, I was rather aggressive. Except for that, I was an easygoing child.

My sleep schedule was also regular. I generally woke up at 8-8.15 am and played with my

toys until my parents woke up, laughing all the time.

I also ate regularly and did not pick food; gobbling up everything that was put in front of me.

According to these traits and as was stated by Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018), I can be classified as

an Easy Child as claimed by Thomas and Chess’s model (p. 137)

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STAGE 3: 2-6 years

A. Physical Growth and Motor Development

Physically, I did not have any critical condition but as stated by my mother, I fell to the

ground a lot. Regularly hurting myself by tripping on anything and crying while falling was a

regular thing in my life. I walked on tippy toes and I still do, because my tendons are shorter

than usual length. I started running at 2-3 years old as the norm consistent with Boyd, D. &

Bee, H. (2018) but I did not run because I was not able to run easily, according to my mother

“I couldn’t handle my weight.” Being a child that ate a lot, my weight was rather high as well.

Based on my Development Report from 2006-2007, I weighed 38 kg. I also started climbing

on furniture at 2-3 years old, again on par with Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018).

For fine motor skills, I showed my preference for left-handedness at 2 years old and was able

to throw a ball at 2-3 years old. I was able to turn pages 1.5-2 of ages.

Based on my Development Report from 2006-2007, I was able to use my body coordinately

and was able to do the gymnastics motions. I was also able to thread beads on a string and

use scissors to cut.

B. Piaget's Cognitive Development

As stated by my mother, I was able to make and complete puzzles by trying and put boxes up

by ranking their width. As stated by Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018), I was able to lead my

sensorimotor activity to internalization.

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Also started my make-believe plays but was stubborn while playing with my peers. As stated

previously, I had problems sharing my toys. My understanding of time was also on par with

normal. Generally was interested in my science magazines and had some focus subjects such

as “Rainforests” and imagined I was in rainforests by making pencil trees.

C. Vygotsky's Social-Cultural Theory and Language Development

As indicated by my mother, I talked to myself a lot while playing with my toys. I told myself

what to do or reminded myself what not to do. I also started to internalize my mother’s rules

and even was comforting her with her own words.

“Because you had some small kidney problems you were sometimes peeing yourself a little. I

used to always tell you ‘It can happen, children can do that!’. One time, you, again peed

yourself and I scolded you a bit out of frustration. You answered me, word for word, ‘It can

happen, children can do that!

I started school when I was 3 years old and my principal was my mother. At first week, I was

a bit fussy but then I adapted. My mother stated, “You couldn’t understand that I was

working there and you tried to stay with me even after I told you to go to your class, that

was a little hard for you to adjust to because I had to keep telling you to go away”. The

kindergarten activities that were done with teachers and peers could be an example of

scaffold learning.

Despite living in a Turkish home, my father trying hard and using many apps and newer

technologies that existed then to teach me English also impacted my language development.
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D. Formation of Gender Identity

My parents never lied to me about where I came from. She bought me books about life

cycles, and how babies are born; reading me those books made me realize my gender

identity, but when I first realized I was indeed, a girl, was when I started kindergarten and

used toilets there. I also went to ballet because I saw it as a “girls' activity”.

E. Social Interactions and Playmates

My playmates were my neighbor's daughter İdem, my cousin that I was with all the time,

Melih, my peers at school, and my grandmother.

Playing with me was, as mentioned by my mother, really boring. But the other children liked

playing with me. According to my developmental report from 2006-2007, I was rather

insistent on getting my demands accepted but when I was talked to, I relented easily.

Between 2006-2008 all of my reports state my inability to share my toys.

F. Favorite Toys and Giving Them Up

I never sucked my thumb 2-6 years old. I had a toy preference that was changing rapidly. I

had a toy snake, Barbies, and Ponies that I liked rather more. I played with them until 5th

grade. It did not have any traumatic effects on me.

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STAGE 4: 6 - 11 years

A. Health, Motor Development, and Playtime

My gross motor development was weak because I had flat feet. I moved slowly and did not

run fast or attend games that required running. Also, my fine motor development was weak

in the area of using scissors. I generally played pretend or other games that did not require

physical movement. Though, I was a healthy kid.

B. School Experience and Academic Performance

Starting school was a good experience for me. I was a hardworking student and generally

had good grades but was never one of the best students. My teachers were always looking

out for me because I was a clumsy kid who fell often.

C. Friendships and Peer Acceptance

I was easily accepted by my peers because I was generally fun to be around. Helping my

friends was a great priority for me and everyone in my class loved me. But I also was made

fun of because once, I became the class president, and “the naughty student” of the class

mocked me the entire year for being “fat”. I forgave my peers when something bad

happened and was curious about my friends. However, I was a disorganized student. I

regularly forgot my items at school, even my school bag, and my school locker was always

messy. I trusted my friends easily and put great value on friendships. I would cry the most if

something happened between me and my best friends.

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D. Family Influences on Development

When I started primary school, my mother also opened her Kindergarten. I was really upset

that she couldn’t spend more time with me and was tremendously jealous of her students.

Because she was a principal who dealt with the parents of her students, she was always on

edge and angry all the time. I remember that on weekends, which was the only time I could

see her for more than 2-3 hours, she would give herself to cleaning and would always be

angry at me. Especially during my school project periods, she would make the best project

which my teacher showed as an example to other parents. Meanwhile, because I was left-

handed and couldn’t write well, she would shout at me to write better. If I wrote even a

letter incorrectly she would rip the entire page to shreds and make me do it all again.

My father’s job is self-employed so he generally spent time with me. We read books, learned

English, and most fun of all, watched movies together. He would download movies and I

would put them into CDs and gift them to my friends. My favorite movie was Scooby Doo 2.

Another important figure was my grandmother. My mother would drop me off at her in the

mornings until my school bus came to pick me up. She was my best friend during all of my

primary and elementary school levels. We did many things together and had fun all the time.

She always pushed me to be more assertive and made me a stronger person.

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My cousin Melih was the son of my aunt. We grew up together and had only 6 months

between our ages so we got along well. We gave makeovers to each other or played violent

video games. He was like my sibling because he also lived with my grandmother and we

went to the same school so we were together all the time.

E. Memorable Moments

The feeling of never being good enough for my mother or my teachers. Also, I remember the

joy I had while ice skating until my father broke his hand which led them to not letting me in

the ice ring again.

F. Career Goals

I remember wanting to become a thief, a teacher, and a soldier.

STAGE 5: Adolescence

A. Puberty Experiences and Effects

I got my period in my 5th grade.

Puberty was the most awful time of my life. My father was diagnosed with cancer right after

my mother closed her kindergarten and I began my 5th grade. I couldn’t see my parents or

hear them for 3 whole months. I lived with my grandma who became my pillar. My father

lost all of his stomach but still lived. I self-harmed every day and was suicidal.
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I stopped having an inner voice because I was always daydreaming, which then has been

diagnosed as “Maladaptive Daydreaming”. I was scared because I did not have any inner

voice. It was always daydreaming.

My mother was always taking care of my father and my father lost almost 70kg of weight.

They did not have the time to take care of me until 7th year. I attempted suicide in 7th grade.

Couldn’t finish because my grandmother came home. When my mom and dad finally came

home, my mom was always so angry with me because she couldn’t be angry at my father. I

begged my grandmother to take me away and stayed with her all the time. I did not get any

psychological help because my parents thought “I was fine.”. After all of this, in 7th and 8th

grade I got bullied by my whole elementary school. They told everyone that I was a “whore,

slut” because I hugged my boyfriend once. I dated him for 20 days.

I also had many religious traumas because my parents are religious and I was not. They

forced me to pray all the time. This was at the same time that I realized that I also liked girls

and I, again, self-harmed because I realized I was going to hell.

Meanwhile, I started having anger attacks and would burst out at people because I didn’t

know how to communicate. I was castrated by my peers and my family.

When my family learned I had a boyfriend, they took away every phone, laptop, or tablet I

had and genuinely tracked my whole movements. During that time I fully read one

Personality Psychology and one KPSS (Public Personnel Selection Examination)

Developmental Psychology textbook.

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In 8th grade, I started self-harming again because I was stressed about the Central Exam for

High schools.

In high school, I was much happier. Until, of course, the pandemic. My Maladaptive

Daydreaming lessened in 10th grade but it started again in 11th grade when the Pandemic

hit.

I started smoking in 7th grade and continued until high school then stopped then started

again in 12th grade.

In 12th grade, I broke up with my boyfriend and was in a fit of sadness so strong that I

couldn’t get up from bed because I forgot my sense of self. I couldn’t ask my family for help

because they didn’t even know.

I changed career paths 2 months before the University Exams. I was a STEM student and

now I wanted to study anything but STEM.

I took a gap year and got into Boğaziçi University, where I found meaning in my life.

My past grew me up to be a strong person with a beautiful soul. It has taught me how to

carry on. My father’s illness gave me anxiety in my later years because even if it has been 10

years since the first diagnosis, his challenges carry on. My loneliness gave me time to find

strength WITHIN myself. While I cried a lot, I learned a lot as well.

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B. Erikson's Theory of Identity Formation vs. Identity Confusion

According to Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018), the Developmental tasks of Identity versus Role

Confusion are the adaptation of a sense of self to pubertal change, consideration of future

choices, achievement of a more mature sexual identity, and search for new values. (p.40)

My crises were chronologically: having my period, my father's cancer, bullying, religious

crisis, sexual identity crisis, and academic anxieties.

While puberty led me to be confused about my identity in the first place, the absence of my

parents deepened my inability to discover myself. Social isolation from my peers because of

bullying hindered my ability to feel accepted by my peer groups. The clash of my religious

background and my sexual identity added more complexity to my confusion.

But it was not all confusion, I also formed my identity with the help of my best friends who

were with me, my grandmother and my parents in a later period. I educated myself and seek

knowledge even now, which led, me to live more fulfilled.

C. James Marcia's Adolescent Identity Status

According to Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018), Identity statuses fluctuate during the teen years.

While I was choosing my High school program in 11th grade, I was in foreclosure. My family

wanted me to study STEM so I accepted that and internalized it.

Identity Achievement is much more common, I think. Because in the end, I switched to the

program I wanted and found meaning in University.

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Moratorium was more observable during 12th grade when my boyfriend left me and I did not

wish to or thought to do anything.

During 5th and 6th grade, while my father was undergoing chemotherapy, I was going through

the Identity Diffusion status because while I was not facing a crisis, I also did not commit.

D. Imaginary Audience

Because I had acne all over my face and body, I always thought people were making fun of

me and cut bangs to hide my face from everyone. The imaginary audience played a big role

in intensifying my impact from bullying too. They brought me shame and embarrassment.

I felt as if everyone was condemning me. They were always negative. If I got a test score

below 90, I would feel like they were making fun of me.

E. Influence of Peer Group

In 7th and 8th grade, my best friends betrayed me and bullied me physically and emotionally.

The entire school hated me at once and contributed to my already existing feelings of

loneliness.

In high school, I had the best class one could ask for. Everyone was good friends and liked

each other. I had my best memories there. My best friends from high school gave each other

a will to live and were always there for each other.

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F. Experimentation with Substances and Interventions

I first started drinking in 10th grade and I smoked whenever I found a pack. After my break-

up, I went through a period where I drank alcohol daily for 4-5 months. Someone trying to

kidnap me from the beach was the biggest thing that happened.

STAGE 6: Early Adulthood

A. Body and Mind Changes

Since starting university, I learned I have PCOS and my testosterone levels are higher than

most. Which let me take more care of my body after everything I’ve endured. I do not get

that much affected by bad situations. I can now assess risky situations and make more

rational decisions.

B. Expectations for Future Changes

I know I’ll be able to regulate my emotions more. Gaining some sort of emotional resilience

is also an important step I hope I will be able to take. Also accepting that I’m growing is

another important aspect.

C. Boğaziçi University’s Impact

Boğaziçi University introduced me to politics and gave meaning to my life. I was a person

who only wanted to make money and get by in life. But even if the political situation in the

campus is not good, Boğaziçi filled me with hope, and inspired me to volunteer for social

causes more!
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Of course, Boğaziçi University’s name may give people importance while finding jobs, but I

don’t want to use the University’s name, I want to use the knowledge this University gave

me.

D. Earthquake in Kahramanmaraş

While it didn’t directly affect me, I was in the “Boğaziçi Earthquake Coordination Group” and

collected data and did confirmations for pieces of information obtained from Twitter. I called

districts to ask about their needs and directed their needs to them. I also worked with

BOYUT to establish a fund for students from the earthquake zone. I worked for 2 weeks

without a wink of sleep and was in meetings until 4 am.

Conclusion

It felt nauseating at first. I got anxious and couldn’t start doing this project because of the

stress. But when I realized that I could piece my personality by how I developed through my

lifespan, It was an eye-opening moment for me. Yes, it was very hard but this project also

gave me insights and gave me a concrete ground to see where I came from and where I am.

References

Boyd, D. & Bee, H. (2018). Lifespan development. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

Instructor’s Manual