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UNDERSTANDING OUR
INNER CRITIC

Richard Schwartz

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 www.themasterseries.com Understanding Our Inner Critic

Our critical voice is probably one of the most common voices we have in our head, HOW DO YOU DO THIS?
and one of the most common conversations that people have with themselves. This
e-book will look at ways to have more fruitful conversations with that inner critic that In order to get to this point, you have to ask
we all have. them a series of questions. First you need
to get them to find where the critic is in
Most people dread their inner critic or depend on it. It tells them things like, if I don’t their body. Most of the time people find
do this or that I’m not going to perform, or I’m not going to let people down, or I won’t it in their head. Then I usually ask, how do
be a success. It’s a voice that is constantly demeaning us, pulling us down. It stops us you feel toward it? Often the response is:
from getting where we deserve to go. Where we have the ability to go. Because of this I hate it, or I’m afraid of it.
animosity between the critic and the individual, we relate to it in an extreme way.
I would then suggest that they ask the
In working with many people on how they view their inner critic and asking them to voice to give them some space, and we use
look at it through a different lens, asking them to get to a mindful place relative to this that space to try to get to know it better. If
critic - so they’re not afraid of it, depended on it, or trying to fight it – we manage to they have been given the space they asked
get people to a place where they just become curious of it, questioning what it is for, I will generally continue, gently, to
telling them and why. ask them how they feel about their inner
critical voice.

We would continue doing this until

the client suggests that they might be
interested to understand why this critical
voice is calling them names. At this point,
we would then discuss what they think
it might be afraid of. For example, if the
voice didn’t harass you like this what
would happen? Encourage them not to
cognitively think of an answer, but actually
wait for the voice to give its own answer.
By allowing it to respond they may learn
that this voice is actually trying to protect
them. That it’s afraid if it didn’t behave in
this way, that they would either end up
doing something that would make them
look bad, or they wouldn’t try hard enough
at something.
Usually this voice, this part of a person is
young and immature, and doesn’t know
how to get the individual to do what it
wants, other than to yell at them.
This voice remembers how you reacted to
one of your parents/ caregivers/ person in
authority, so it will often take their voice as
a way to get more influence and say
some of the same things they said to you.
So instead of thinking it’s criticising them,
they realise that they are being protected
and understand where that voice
originated, and who it is echoing.
When this is understood, what you might
see happen is that they start to have some
compassion for how hard it’ s working to
try and keep them going. If that happens
they can then extend that compassion
towards the voice, appreciate it. At this
point, we often see the critic start to soften,
and once we have learnt what it is that they
were protecting, it stands us in a good
stead to then be able to go and heal that.

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WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
We then ask for permission to go to the
parts that are still stuck in those scenes in
the past and help them come out of there
and unload all the feelings of humiliation
that they carry. As once that’s been healed,
the stakes aren’t that high.
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CAN I DO THIS ALONE?
Some people can do quite a bit on their
own. Some people need a therapist or
somebody knowledgeable about how to
do this, just to get them to a point where
they’re in this curious, open-hearted place
relative to all this. Someone who can keep
all of the other parts who are going to try
and distract them from the task in hand,
from continually jumping in. However,
after a certain point, most people can do
it on their own, after they kind of get the
hang of it.
THE BENEFIT OF
SHOWING COMPASSION
The ultimate goal of working with the critical inner voice is that, when we come across
people in the world who are actually criticizing us, then we can potentially stay in the
place with a person who’s being critical, rather than reacting in the extreme way we
maybe used to.
It’s all parallel, the way we relate to these parts of us will play out in the way we relate to
people in the real world who resemble those parts. For example, if the inner critic had
a similar voice to your mother and your mother still does things in your current life that
cause you distress, dislike or fear. Working with your inner critical voice could enable you
to look at your mother in a different way – in the same way you started to look at your
own inner critic; with curiosity – why are you yelling at me right now? What is it you are
afraid of, or trying to protect? Doing this can cause incredible shifts in relationships,
both internally and externally.
 www.themasterseries.com Understanding Our Inner Critic

EXERCISE FOR
WORKING WITH YOUR
INNER CRITIC

Notice self-criticism

Is this similar to
someone else´s
(often feeling bad is the first indication)
1- Listening

voice? Who?
I was saying “.......................................................................................
..............................................................................................................
.............................................................................................................”
UNDERSTANDING OUR
INNER CRITIC
NEEDS TONE
What are the valid needs that underly What was the tone of the message? Dick Schwartz
2- Challenge

this criticism?
• sarcastic, whiney, angry, rude, harsh,
• safety, connection, trust, success, respect, cold, playful, mean, unfriendly,
ease, clarity, courage, empathy, challenging, etc.
achievement etc.

Design a new way of speaking about the concerns and needs of the critic but say it with
compassionate, curious tone that keeps you engaged in the conversation.

The revised message sounds like this: “..........................................................................................

...........................................................................................................................................................
...........................................................................................................................................................
3- Retrain

..........................................................................................................................................................”
Say the message aloud. Show the critic how to speak with respect. Like a caring friend
might talk to you.
Try gently rubbing your own arm while you speak as will release oxytocin and will help you
feel compassion and connection with yourself.

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