Mbg

4 Signs You're Talking To A

Conversational Narcissist
Author: Abby Moore
Updated on December 9, 2022

Definition Signs How to respond

You know those people who always seem

to talk about themselves and never let
other people speak in conversation?
There's actually a word for that: a
conversational narcissist.

To better understand this type of

narcissism and how to know if you're
talking to one, mbg spoke with
psychologists and clinical therapists.
Here's what they have to say about
conversational narcissism.

What is a conversational
narcissist?
A conversational narcissist is someone who
constantly turns the conversation toward
themselves and steps away when the
conversation is no longer about them.
They are generally uninterested in what
other people have to say. In an mbg
podcast episode, author and journalist
Celeste Headlee describes it as "hogging
the ball" in a conversation.

Remember, it's possible—and actually

much more common—to have traits of
narcissism without actually being a
narcissist. This is typically the case with
conversational narcissism. "Conversational
narcissists don't necessarily meet the
criteria for a formal diagnosis of
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD),"
Wendy Behary, LCSW, tells mbg. "They're
usually somewhere on the spectrum,
though."

Those who aren't clinically diagnosed

narcissists are generally just agenda-
driven, says licensed psychologist Ramani
Durvasula, Ph.D. In a fast-paced world,
they're eager to get their point across
quickly without making true connections.

"Some conversational narcissists may

actually be very anxious," Durvasula says,
"so they bind their anxiety by talking about
what is familiar to them—which may be
themselves."

What supplements are right for

you? Take our short 90-second
quiz.
Set yourself up for success with a good
night's sleep.*

TAKE QUIZ

Summary

A conversational narcissist oftentimes

turns a conversation toward themselves
and are uninterested in what other people
have to say, especially if it isn't about
them.

ADVERTISEMENT

McCormick Club House

Sponsored

Club House has helped create memorable moments for over

135 years and a few delicious dishes along the way.

CLUBHOUSE.CA
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT

Signs of conversational
narcissism
1. The conversation is one-sided

Conversational narcissists can't move away

from their own agenda long enough to
engage someone else in conversation,
Behary says. "It's never really interpersonal
or interactive. It becomes more of a
soliloquy or a monologue."

ADVERTISEMENT

2. They interrupt a lot

Conversational narcissists will jump into

the conversation while someone is
midsentence, Behary says. "At first listen, it
can sound like they're being helpful or
sharing a resource, but it quickly becomes
clear that this conversation is no longer
about you—it's about them," she says.

3. They don't stop talking

Since narcissists are constantly seeking

approval and favor from their audience,
Behary says their constant talking will
sound more like a lecture than a
conversation. "There's so much showing
off and wanting to appear to be very
smart, special, knowledgeable, and
intuitive," she explains.

This is different from a chatty and

extroverted person, who would likely be
aware of, and even acknowledge, that
they're talking a lot, "whereas
conversational narcissists are not even
aware that they've hijacked the
conversation and made it all about them,"
Behary says.

ADVERTISEMENT

4. They are not engaged with other people

Unless the conversational narcissist is

talking, or someone else is talking about
them, they are not interested. According to
Durvasula, they will appear visibly
uncomfortable, bored, contemptuous, or
distracted when other people are talking.

How to respond to a
conversational narcissist
If someone catches themselves talking to a
conversational narcissist, these are a
couple of different ways they could
respond:

ADVERTISEMENT

1. Set boundaries

"When you know someone has this trait,

set limits to your exposure to them,"
Behary suggests. Trying to have
meaningful interactions with someone
who's conversationally narcissistic can be
lonely, she says.

If you do choose to engage in

conversation with them, know what you're
getting into, Durvasula adds, and make
sure to also cultivate more two-sided
relationships.

2. Respond with empathic confrontation

Those who are courageous enough can try

what Behary calls empathic confrontation.
For example, "I appreciate that you can
understand what I'm going through, but I'm
feeling the need to share a little more to
get it out of my system." Then she
recommends instructing them to listen. "A
real narcissist would be completely
offended by that comment," she says, but
those with more mild narcissism may
respond well in the moment.

3. Don't take it personally

Whether responding with distance or with

confrontation, Durvasula says not to take
the experience personally. "You won't be
the one to change them," she says.
"People with this pattern tend to not be
particularly insightful." Pointing it out to
them may make them defensive, and they
won't always change their pattern.

Abby Moore
mbg Nutrition & Health Writer
Abby Moore is an editorial operations manager at
mindbodygreen. She earned a B.A. in Journalism
from The University of Texas at Austin and has…

Mindbodygreen
ABOUT US CONTACT WRITE FOR US

JOBS ADVERTISE BECOME AN AFFILIATE

COLLECTIVE

© 2009 - 2023 mindbodygreen LLC. All rights reserved.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and

Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose,
treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Terms of Sale Terms of Use Disclaimer

Privacy Data Collection Accessibility

Editorial Process