Elisha Hannah Z. Pariñas 11 HUMSS St.

Vincent

ACTIVITY NO.1

“EYES BEGIN TO SEE”

“In a dark time, the eyes begin to see.”, wrote the poet Theodore Roethke.
He suffered from issues of abandonment and loss and in his early life, he seeked to
find validation in his peers. When he was 14 years old, his father died of cancer and
his uncle committed suicide. Some say that he is one of the most brilliant modern
American poets to have ever picked up the pen. Although I am not a connoisseur of
poetry, I do know that good poetry connects. I know that what makes great poetry is
not the amount of words you use or rhymes you make, it’s the heart’s that you touch
and the lives that intertwine themselves with yours. That is the greatest quality of
poetry. I believe that Roethke has this greatness written in between each line.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, I struggled to live with the reality that I was
faced with. The sensation of absolute isolation. The feeling of absolute futility in
everything. The lockdown suddenly took every semblance of normality that I felt. All
of my friends that treated me like I was one of their own, all of the people that walked
past me without a second glance on the street, all of the people that coexisted with
me, were suddenly all gone. In their place, there was a void. I was alone, inside my
own head, living with my own thoughts. The thoughts that I often found myself
circling back to like a never ending vortex were unkind. It always came back down to
the indisputable belief that I was a terrible person. My mind was at war with itself. It
was bloody and brutal, and there was no sign of a white flag flying against the
crimson red sky. I became the paragon of my every fear. I became someone that
even I was afraid of. Those were my dark times. I admit that sometimes I can still
feel the darkness close in on me. I can still hear the same echo of the same words.
I've found that there is no medicine, only salve for the pain. No cure for this, only
prayers for a miracle. But in the darkness, I found my eyes straining, because I
swore that I could see the faintest glimmer of light. I kept looking. I kept breathing. In
the darkness, I found who I was. I saw that bravery filled my soul. I saw that
kindness is etched into my very bones. I saw a little girl that was kind, and strong in
the reflection of my own eyes.Through one of the darkest times of my life, I found out
who I never wanted to be. In turn, I saw the version of me that I wanted to believe in.
The little girl that still sits inside of my heart, longing for change. She's always
dreamed that someday she'll be part of the long list of people that changed the
world. Even just a little. She is brave enough to stand for what she believes in. She is
gentle in the face of violence. She loved her friends, all of the strangers that walked
past. She wishes everyone well because her heart is pure. Although I've grown and
changed. All of the dark times will never change who I am. She will never disappear
in the darkness. All the darkness does is makes her shine brighter in my chest. In
dark times, our eyes will begin to see. Dark times will haunt you with your mistakes
but they'll remind you of the courage that it took to apologize. It will help you face the
futility of life, the smallness of your existence but will also teach you to keep moving
forward despite it. My dark time is an ongoing war. But each time, I grow stronger. I
know that dark times will not always feel so dark.
I am not my greatest fear. I learned that I had the ability to reach into people’s
hearts and spark something beautiful there. I was reminded of the girl that brought
me here. For her, I can not falter. For her, I want to learn how to touch people's
hearts. For that little girl that lives in me, I want to find people whose lives intertwine
with mine. I’ve learned that in the darkness, my eyes will begin to see. I’ve learned
that what I see is who I am. And that what I see is more than enough.