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 c}IARACTERS
LANEY WATERS - 14, has dystonia, which causes one of her shoulders to
draw up, as though she has a slightly hunch ed back.
EIJSE WATERS - 40s, Laney's mothe r
MARJBEL PURDY - 16, Laney's friend, chubby and radian t

PLACE
Oxford, Mississippi

SETTING
The Water's House - Living Room, Porch
High School Stadium Bleachers
Churc h Sanctuary

TIME
The Present

\
►

Scene One

(LANEY reads her story to the audience.)

~ - Ernest's hands smelled like lemons and gunshot.
Every Monday, he parked his lemona de stand at the
entranc e of the park, where it stood solid as a bank.
He liked the feel of the sun on his back, hot and burn-
ing like an open sore. He liked the children's laughter
and when a little face approac hed him cheery as a fruit
loop. On weekends, Ernest left his house through the
kitchen door and with his rifle and his forty-five wan-
dered the woods, shooting at any target in sight: a glass
bottle, a pinecone, a squirrel. He was as sharp as a Cui-
sinart. Ernest lived for his lemonade and his guns for
many happy years, until suddenly everything started to
get blurry and confused. He forgot what day it was and
where he was suppose d to be, and one day he filled
his lemonade stand with his rifle and his forty-five and
instead of serving up lemonade, he served up bullets,
straight between the eyes.
(Pause. Lights up on ELISE who is in the living room,
reading the story from a notebook. I.ANEY turns to her.)
What do you think?
ELISE. It has some nice imagery. I like the little details.
LANEY. What details?
ELISE. I like the fruit loops. I like the Cuisinart.
LANEY. What do you think about the plot?
ELISE. The plot is a little gruesome.
LANEY. Is it shocking?
ELISE. Yes, it's shocking.
LANEY. Is it exciting? Did you feel your arm hairs rise like
you'd just been electrocuted?

7
 8
CROO KED
9
CROO KED
ELISE. Elect rocut ed?
I
LANEY. Yes. 1)\l'IEY· Whal about social work? •
ELISE. Mayb e not elecu'ocu1e d. ELISE, I'm giving up social work.
LANEY. Then what? 1)\l'IEY· Why?
ELISE. The plot could use some work. ELISE- I'm becom ing a misan thrope instead.
LANEY. Why? 1)\l'IEY· I know what that is.
ELISE- I know you know what Lhat is. You'r e gifted
. Too
ELISE. Well, the endin g come s out of nowh ere.
Maybe gifted.
Ernes t shoul d take a little longe r to dete1i orate.
!,ANEY· Are we gonna be poor?
!ANEY. It's a short story, .Mom . t1,1sE. No. Maybe . I shoul d make a list. Ways to avoid
being
ELISE. Yes, Laney. But not all short storie s have to
be that poor:
short. Numb er one: get a job.
L.\NEY. I want it to be tl1at short. Numb er two: marry a rich man.
Numb er three: marry a rich woma n in Verm ont
ELISE. Well tl1en , mayb e you shoul d make the
endin g a or Cleve land, or where ver it is you can marry a rich
little more realistic.
LANEY. You always say that. woma n these days.
ELISE. I always say what?
J..ANEY·You'd have to divorce Dad.
ELISE, I have. The paper s are filed.
IANEY. You always want me to be more realist
ic. LANEY· Oh. Who's going to take care of him?
ELISE.
vVith your fiction. ELISE. The docto rs. His paren ts - your Grand ma Liz
and
LANEY. v\'ith everyt hing. Pop - are still there, makin g sure he's okay. Nothi ng's
ELISE. Did you have a bad day at schoo l?
chang ed.
LANEY. Did you have a bad day? LANEY, Excep t now, he's not your husba nd. You can
get a
ELISE. I asked you first. brand new husba nd, make me have a brand new Dad.
LANEY. So. ELISE, Yes, I've made a list. You want to hear it?
ELISE. No, I've had a great day. J..ANEY.No.
LANEY. Why? What'd you do? ELISE. Numb er one ...
ELISE. I made a list. Lists. I listed things. LANEY, I'm not playing...
LANEY. Like what? ELISE. Holde n Caulfield.
ELISE. Like possible jobs. I made a list of possib
le jobs in (pause)
order of prefer ence. You want to hear?
LANEY. No. LANEY. That's my boyfri end!
ELISE. Numb er one: Librar ian.
ELISE. Numb er Two: Heathcliff.
Numb er two: Paralegal. LANEY- Ugh.
ELISE. What? He's dark and hands ome and myster
Numb er three: Administrative Assistant. NOT not-for- ious.
profit. LANEY, He's whiney.
 10 caooxE»
11
CROOKED
EIJSE. No he's not. He'sjn love.
LANEY. Yeah, so in love he ruins the lives of ev EJJSE· Which two?
ever meets. eryone he ~ - The Sound and the Fury and As I Lay Dying.
ELISE. You 're right. He is kind of a sociopath. N £LISE, Did you make up that list?
three: Atticus Finch. Gregory Peck as Atticus Fin~~.ber J.ANEY· No. Mr. Caruthers wrote it.
LANEY. He'd be okay. £LISE, Oh God.
ELISE. Yeah, he would. Neck rub? J.ANEY· What?
£LISE, Mr. Caruthers was a failed writer trapped in a middle
LANEY. Okay.
school library.
s
(ELISE massages I.ANEY neck.) JANEY· I liked him. You should like him. You both make
ELISE. This is good for us. lists.
IANEY. What? ELJSE. He's a fish. A carp.
EUSE. Getting away. Moving back here. LANEY· A carp?
ELJSE. Yes. A scaly, slippery carp.
IANEY. I never lived here.
LANEY· I think he had bedroom eyes.
ELISE. I know, but I did. I never thought I'd move back to EIJSE. What do you know about bedroom eyes? You better
this house. But it's not so bad. It's got a lot of charac- not know anything about bedroom eyes.
ter, don't you think? LANEY• Bedroom eyes are eyes that make you want to go
LANEY. It's got mold.
to bed.
ELISE. No it doesn't Where? ELISE. Who would want to go to bed with a carp?
LANEY. There. That crack in the wall. It's green.
LANEY.Me!
ELISE. That's not mold. That's moss. I think. ELISE. Elizabeth Lane Waters ...
LANEY. Same thing. LANEY. Mom! I'm kidding. Geesh .. .I wouldn't go to bed
ELISE. Well I'm glad we're here. This is going to be a good with Mr. Caruthers. He's like forty.
change for us. ELISE. You better not go to bed with anyone.
IANEY. It's good for my writing. LANEY. Mom, who would want to go to bed with me?
ELISE. How so? ELISE. Laney... baby .. .
LANEY. Suffering is good for writing. (ELISE pulls LANEY towards her. LANEY pulls away.)
ELISE. Suffering is not good for writing. Suffering is good
I'm not finished.
for depression. Reading is good for writing. Reading
William Faulkner. He lived here, you know. LANEY. That's enough.
LANEY. I know. You've said that like a zillon times. said it helps.
ELISE. You
LANEY. It doesn't help. The doctors said.
ELISE. I keep thinking you 're going to be impressed.
LANEY. I am. He's on my Best American Authors list twice. ELISE. It makes you feel better.
EUSE. How can he be on it twice? LANEY. But it doesn't help. Not really.
LANEY. Two of his books are on it. (pause)
~
.,,
 12 CROOKED 13
C~OOKED
ELISE. He hit on me once.
LANEY. \.Vho?
E,J.JS£• W}lo?
ELISE. The carp. At a P. T.A. meeting. When Peter first got ~ · A girl at school. she likes my writing.
sick.
EJ..15£• You made a friend?
LANEY. Gross.
~ - Don't look so surprised.
ELISE.
1 thought you said he had bedroom eyes.
LANEY. A carp can 't have bedroom eyes.
ELISE. No, you 're right. A carp can't have bedroom eyes.
You look tired, Laney.
LANEY. I'm not tired.
EUSE. Yes, you are. You have bedroom eyes. Eyes that Want
to go to bed.
LANEY. I have work to do.
ELISE. Homework?
LANEY. No, my work.
ELisE. You're fourteen. You don't have work that's not
homework. Child labor laws.
LANEY. I have my writing.
ELISE. You've written enough for today.
LANEv. I have to fix the plot. You're the one who said I
have
it. It'sto
your the ending, and so I have to stay up and fix
fix fault!
El..LsE. You don't have to fix it tonight.
LANEY. do. You
YestoI bed
to go shouldn't be so picky if you want me
on time.
El..LsE. It's time for bed.
LANEv. Why can't you just leave m e alone?
EUsE. Oh, le, me see . . . ye,, <ha,•, righ,, I'm you, <no,he,
LANEv. God, I hate you! ·
EI..IsE. Oh, go to heU, Laney. (Pause) I'm sorry ,
I shouldn't have Said that. It 's a hard ti~e1
me. Forgive rne?
;:1orsoUs.sorry.
For
J:...\NEv. No.
£1.JsE. Forgive me tomorrow?
J:...\NEv. Maybe. It has to be per£ect. I'm oin
somebody. g g to 8 how it to
 14
CR OO KE D
15
c1 tO OK ED
Sc en e Two
\ ~£ \'- J'rn no t. I 'm no t ad
~~
va nc ed .
(Earlier the same day. Ou ~ E L - Yo u loo k ad va
tsi de the high school. MA nc ed .
BE L sits on the sta diu iu.
m
hkachers, fin ish ing her lun
LA NE Y approaches he
,:)
ch. >fA1"1
~£ '£L.
\'· I'm l no
wi t.
sh I we re ad v~ nc ed . Bu t I'm remedi~I.
dia l is wo rse th an be in Re me ·
I.ANEY. Hi . g ad va nc ed . Re me di al
is bk e
MARIBEL. He llo . ~ be -in g ret ard ed -
No , it's no t. Itj us t me an s yo u ne ed to ca tch
I.ANEY. I di dn 't kn ow
we co ul d ea t ou t he re up is
.
MARIBEL. W e 're no
t su pp os ed to. all.
~ E L - Yo u'r e nic e.
I.ANEY. Oh .
MARIBEL. I ju st ha te
J_J\NEY· Th an ks .
it in th er e.
I.ANEY. M e too . (pause)
1',IAJUBEL So , ba ve yo u fo un d a
MARIBEL. Yo u co ul d ch ur ch ye ti
ea t he re .
I.ANEY. Ok ay . I,ANEY- Ch \lr ch ?
MA RI BE
MAJUBEL· Ye ah .
L Th e se cu rit y gu ar d co me s ou t he re LANEY· No . I
ju st hi de be ne ath th e so me tim es . I do n't go to
ch ur ch .
ble ac he rs wh en I se e him MAfUBEL· ¾ yo u do n't kn
LANEY. Yo u'r e a reb . ow ab ou r-Je su s th en ?
el.
J.ANE
MA RI BE L No . I'm ju
st M ari be l. MA Y· W ha t ab ou t him ?
RIBEL- Th at be di ed fo r yo u. Th at be di ed
LANEY. La ne y. fo r yo u to
MA RI BE L You ' re new,
save yo u.fro m sin ?
ar en 't yo u? LANEY· Oh , I do n't be lie ve
LANEY. Yeah. in sin .
MA RIB EL W he re 'd yo
MARIBEL- W hy no t?
u mo ve fro m?
J.ANEY. lju
LA NE Y. Ma dis on , W isc on sin . Bu t my M om gr ew MARIBEL st do n't .
. Yo u'r e ki nd
up he re. a fu nn y lo ok in g wi th yo ur ba ck
MARIBEL I wa s ne w
las t year. an d
LANEY. Yeah? W he re fro all.
m?
MARIBEL. No wh ere . LANEY- Th an ks .
I me an , I di dn 't mo ve MA RJBE L-A ny on e tal k to yo u sin ce yo u ca
ho me sc . I us ed to be me to ,hi s school?
ho ol ed by my M om , bu t sh e go t in tro
be ca us e sh e ne ve r go ub le LANEY- Th e tea ch ers . Yo
t reg ist ere d as a ho me u.
tea ch er or so me thi ng , so sc ho ol MARIBEL- An y ot he r stu
no w I go he re. de nts ?
LANEY.Oh.
LANEY- No .
MARIBEL Bu t I'm be hin
d. I ha ve to take so me of my cla MARIBEL- Se e. Th at' s sin
wi th fre sh me n. It's so em sses .
ba rra ssi ng . LANEY. W ha tev er.
LANEY. You do n't ha
ve an y classes with me .
MARIB EL Yo MARIBEL- Do n't fee l ba
. u'r e pr ob ab ly in ad va nc ed classes. Yo d.
ad va nc ed . u loo k LANEY. I do n't .
...
 16
CJtoo,o:n
Atulm£L. I get sinned •&ainsr al! the ti
- Deedee Cummings Pulled dow,, IJle •n <Ji;, ,,;
th
class today - but I don't mind be ll'ly Pants in "'~
.
e things . eani,, they 're no,
of th,s cause l know tli,
, Iasu
think
LANEv. No.I 'm a freak, don 't you?
MARIBEL Yes, XQ.u do. Lean tell.
lANEY. Well, l"'ah. You 're kinda freaky.
I
AfARIBEL I know it:l.kinda freaky to bring Up]esu
've only JUSt
. me, )'Ou, bur Io0k at it this Way: 1s w
.,..,
you could die tomorrow, you couJd die diis afternoon'11
- you know a car Wreck, or a heart attack or something
- and at leas~ I 1'0uJd know that you didn't die
ever having heard ofJesus, and maybe, jusr maybe,
1101
becaUse of this conversation, because I talked to you
about Jesus, when those headlighi, are lacing the pas-
senger seat and you know you're about to meet you,
end, you 'II remember Jesus and how much he loves
you and you 'll ask him into your heart right then and
there before you die, and then you won 't have to face
everlasting hell.
LANEY. I don't believe in everlasting hell.
illARmEL But there has to be punishment for people who
sin and sin and keep sinning. If there isn 't everlasting
hell, then Hitler and St.alin and Deedee Cummings will
never get punished for what they did. All the people
in this school who ignore you will never get punished
either.
LANEY. That's one way of looking at it, I guess.
MARIBEL. Thank you. I think you 're very pretty anyway. I
mean, even with the hump and all.
LANEY. Ics not a hump.
MARIBEL What is it then? , . . LANEY. Nol
It's the muscles in my back. They r~ working agamst
LANEY. ano th er. I ts, '-<UJ
r~" eii dvstonia.
,. d
Havmg a humpback
.oneall d kyp h OSIS.
. I don't have kYPhosis. I have . ysto.
nia.
1s c I t's
e different
. 1ts, temporary. I'm glad I have H.
,
,
CROOKED 17
01
0,1~ M,UUBEL- You are?
ng. !Pa.,,; You' 1,1\NEY· Y ah. I'm glad I have it, because it has shown me
1
how shallow people are here. At my old school in Wis-
consin, where I used to go before my dystonia got bad,
I had lots of friends, in lots of different groups. I was
going to be on the Homecoming court. I mean, they
had n 't h~d elections, bu t everyone told me I was going
h 1
to be on 1t'.' Not that I really wanted to be on it. Home-
en
coming court's kinda Jame and all , but I would've
p een on it. Hi re, nobody talks to me. But I haven 't
changi d. My essential personality hasn't changed. So I
know the reason they don't talk to me is because. of my
dystonia, and I'm glad I have it, because now I know
how shallow people are. It's a good thing to know,
don 't you think?
MARIBEL- Yes, it is. You would have looked amazing on
Homecoming Court, especially if you put your hair in
a French twist. I could do it for you.
IANEY- Maybe later.
MARIBEL. I didn't mean now. I meant for when you get
elected to the Homecoming Court. Next year when
your back gets better and everyone realizes how pretty
you are, and I'll lose all my baby fat and grow new skin.
We'll be on the Homecoming Court together!
LANEY. Except we'll turn it down, because the Homecom-
ing court is lame.
MARIBEL. Completely!
(They laugh, a little tentatively still. !ANEY grimaces.)
MARIBEL. Does it hurt?
LANEY. Sometimes.
MARIBEL. Can I touch it?
MARIBEL. It'sjust. ..when someone's sick at church, we pray
for them. We lay hands on them. It helps so~ etimes.
Sometimes Jesus chooses to make them feel better.
Sometimes he doesn't though.
 ..
18
CR OO KE D
19
•
CJ lO OK ED
LANEY. W hy is that?
MARIBE~ . I do n' t kn ow .
J.»IEY•I do n' t have a oa
lt'.s on e of G od 's d,
m y ht tle br ot he 1; G mysteries. Like ~ E L Is he dead
ab ne l. H e wa s bo ?
N o on rn wi th a cleft I'
e kn ow s w hy . It 's on e of G od 's mys lp, ~ .Y
teries. People e a h .
us ed to ga sp w he n ~ EL D o you rniss
you?
tl1ey sa w hi m . D oe
s th at ha ppen to LAJ'E"· I -do hi rn ?
n' t w an t to talk ab ou
r,i,UU"EL· su re - IM t it, ok ay?
LANEY. N o. go in g to ch ur ch , yo u kn
ow, it m ig ht
MARIBEL '\,\ lh en D ee de e Cu m m in gs pu lle d do w helP·
th e w ho le ro om n m y pants, {.I\NEY· Okay. I'l l go
ga sp ed . Li ke th ey al .
gu lp of ai l to ok in on e big
r to ge th er . A nd th en th ey la ug he d. MAJUBEL- Really?
w ar ds M el iss a Je nk After-
in s pu t he r ar m ar ou {.I\NEY· su re .
ni ce lik e, lik e sh nd m e, real
e wa s go nn a ta ke ca re of (MAIUBEL hugs LANE
w e go t to th e lo ck m e, bu t when Y- )
er ro om , she ha nd
an d sa id I sh ed m e a ra zo r, MAJUIt' s no bi g de al
ou ld us e it to shave m y pu be s so BE L- N o on • .
in th is en tir e sc ho ol ha
be tte r th e ne xt tim I'd look s ev er ag re ed to
e.
LANEY. I m ea nt to sa y, ye s. I'v e ha d th at ha pp LANEgo"· to ch ch with rne!
Well,urne w ex pe
pu be s th in g. Bu t th en . N ot the rie nc es ar e go od fo r mY wr iti
e ga sp in g. Th at's wh y I said ye s-
ng.
M AR IB EL . D N ot 1,ecause I need
o yo u w an t to co
helP·
m e to ch ur ch w ith MAfUBEL You're a wr
Fr id ay? m e on iter?
LANEY. I do n' t kn LANE Y·
ow. W ha t's it like? Ye
MA
MAfUBEL· s.I've never
RI BE L W ell , th er e 's a ba nd . Piano, dr LA NE Y· Yo rnet a writer.
um s. Marcus Gray- u wa nt to re ad on e of my stories?
so n us ed to th e pl I wrote it during
ay th e gu ita r, bu t he do es n' t co
an ym or e. me se co nd pe rio d.
LANE Y. I kn ow wh MAfUBEL O ka
o he
eyes.
is. H e's a Ju ni or. H
e has be dr oo m (LANEY taky.es a noteb
ook out of her backpac
MARI I.ANEY- It' s a k. )
BEL. Ye s, he do es . Bu t he do es n' t co m e fir st dr af t, so it' s no t pe rf ec t or an
no w th er e 's on ly an ym or e, so You're th e first pe rs yt hing.
th e pi an o an d th e dr um on I've shown it to.
th e pr ea ch er . s. My D ad 's
LANEY. H e is? MARIBEL Really?
MARIBEL Ye ah , bu t he LANEY· Yeah .
(LA
also sells cars, used ca rs NE Y ha n d, th• open
an d M its ub ish is, be like Ho nd as not,h,,ok to !,IARJBE
L who ,-,ad,
ca use th e ch ur ch is sm th• ,tory ,if,ntly. Sh•
afford to pa y hi s wh ol e
all an d ca n' t look-< up at I.ANEY, ,y a
sa lary. I was go in g to ge MARJBEL· Wow- Th at 's ,hining. )
bishi fo r m y si xt ee t a Mitsu- in te nse
nt h bi rth da y, bu t th en I . Y ou 're th e m os t ta
be ca us e I fa ile d th e couJdq 't le nt ed
test. W hen th e tape said to pe rs on I've ever rnet
th e rig ht bl in ke r, tu rn on .
I tu rn ed o~ th e left. Th at 's a
reason to fail a test, stupid (LANEY grins.)
I know, I Just go t
does your Dad do ? so nervous. Wha t
LANEY· Th an ks .
~.
 •
CR oo xE n
20
21
CR OO KE D
ret?
MARIBEL, Can I tell you a sec
LANEY. Yeah. ~
Sc en e Th,ree
n't tel l an yo ne / Pr 1))is to
MARIBEL. You sw ear yo u wo 0 e (MARIBEL an d LANEY sit
in the livi ng room.)
Go d?
nd the nig ht Fri day.
IANEY. Yeall, I promise. MARJBEL- I wish you cou ld spe
ta. LANEY· Why' d she say no ?
MARIBEL. I think I have stigma -know-what.
yo u ble ed fro m your hands
MARJBEL- Because she 's a you
LANEY. feeut?me an , lik e wh en
an dYo LANEY· No, what?
d ab ou t stigmata on the MARIBEL- You know.
AfARmEL No, no t tha t kind. I rea LANEY• No , I do n 't. What?
I think I have the in~sible
int ern et in the lib rary, an d
l the pa in in you r han ds but
there's MARIBEL- You kn ow what.
kinblo
no od.ere you fee
d, wh what. What?
JANEY. No , I do n't kn ow
L\NEv. What pai n? MARIBEL, Sto p it!
er. ELISE enters wit h a bag
e pai n of the wh ole world. (Th e girls burst int o laught
MARIBEL Th e pa in ofJesus. Th of groceries, a carton of cig
arettes pok ing up out of the
LANEY. In yo ur ha nds?
MARIBEL Yeah. bag.)
LANEY. Th at's int ens e. ELISE. You mu st be Ma
ribel.
MARIBEL It is. MARIBEL. Yes. Do you sm
oke?
LANEY. What does it feel like? ELISE. Yes.
p, an d MARIBEL. You sho uld n't
smoke.
rny vei ns are ab ou t to po
MARIB y.. .It feels like
theEL. ge.
EIJSE. You sho uld n't jud
ok.) LANEY. Mom!
<MARlBEL woks down at the notebo tak en up bad hab its in my
spa re
like big blu e worms, EIJSE. Right. Sorry. I'v e s
Th ey "bu lge beneath my t. "
sltin ezing the hai rs on my leg
squ inn ing jus t below the dir time. Bit ing my nails, twe
t you sho uld n't sm oke , or
on e at a time, sm ok ing. Bu
<tANEy squeals in delight; she
can't help herse(f) the hai rs on you r legs on e
bite you r nails, or tweeze
'What? lun g cancer, bu t it defi-
at a time. It may no t give you
rne before/ an d blotchy, you know, like
LANEY. No on e's ever quoted nitely makes you r legs red
n the re ...
when you get raz or bu rn dow
\ LANEY. Mom!
--- - - - -- ----
-----
EIJSE. What? Am I an em
LANEY. Mom's unemploy

barrassment?
ed.
ELISE. It's making me a
little nuts. So rry.
MARIBEL. I forgive you.
I
I ELISE. Thanks. What are
you two up to?
LANEY. None of you r bus
iness.
 ....
CJ to olC ED
23
CR OO KE D
a co cktail to g WitJ,
£UsE. WeJJ, Would yo u like 0 "1ai1 Co4
sp rit e m ilk / I
ho ol da nc es, th at
u sa id yo u ha ted sc
AfARma &' LANEY. Sprite. £LISE, I th ou gh t yo
g drills in ge nd er op
pression.
.) th ey we re hu mi lia tin
(They burst out laughing ad iso n. I sa id th e gym
sti nks to o
LANEY· You said that. In M it.
LANEY. ·we'r e synchronized. ba d to wa nt to da nc e
in
n plan e. e ch an ge of mi nd ?
ARma_ On the same bra.i ELISE. Ri gh t. Why th
Af , do n't yo u Maribel?
EUsE. I see. LA NEY• M ar ib el wants to go ys.
wa nt to da nc e with bo
MARJBEL. Uh hu h. I
(n.rsE sta,ts to e.xit/o
r the kitchen.) you, M ari be l?
ELISE, Ho w ol d ar e
AfARma_ Mrs. Waters ... MARIBEL, Si xt ee n.
ise.
EUsE. Elise. Call rne El ELISE. An d yo u two
have classes to ge th er?
have classes with
ur he an ; MARIBEL, Oh no. La
ne y's to o ad va nc ed to
E. ni
Noa. Elise, ha ve you ev er as ke d Jesus in to yo
El. AR
llf.rs me .
s ho m e sc ho ol ed,
bu t he r M om ne ve r
AfARma Do yo u want to? IANEY. M ar ib el wa
be hi nd . Sh e's really
sm ar t ab ou t
ElJsE. No. go t ce rti fie d, so sh e's best.
e's a grea t critic. Th e
lit er atu re th ou gh . Sh
<aJsE exits.) RIBEL.) W ha t bo ok
s do yo u like?
ELISE. Oh . (to MA
St ul f up ar ou nd my MARIBEL. I like sh or
t sto rie s.
th at Jesus
Yo. u sh ou ld n' t br in g
lANEMY.om sto rie s?
ELISE. W ha t sh or t
en ,, bu t I ju st MARIBEL. La ney's.
wa sn 't th e rig ht m om ari bel?
llfARma. I knwhewat itif sh e ha d a he ar , attack or
a str ay bullet
ELISE. I see. So wh
at do yo ur pa re nt s do
, M
thought; sh e di ed, Ch ur ch of th e
s in th e ki tc he n, an d a pr ea ch er. O f th e
h; t he r wh ile sh e wa th at Would MARIBEL. M y Da d's do n 't pick
•b ou tJesus, an d th en lin es s ch ur ch , bu t we
an d I ne ve r told he r Re de em er . It' s a ho cra zy stuff.
this op po rtu - iso n, or an y of th at
dnth
ans dbediwi m e ityou know, th at I ha d up sn ak es or dr in k po al in g, an d
alw
ni tyay 't us ba pt ism, pr op he cy, he
Ju st fu ll su bm er sio n
LANEY. A stray bu lle t? sp ea ki ng in to ng ue s.
r there was a drive by ELISE. Do yo u sp ea
k in to ng ue s?
AfARmE ooLtin _ on
owre
I gknhe . r likely, bu
It'sceno ney, we sh ou ld pray
sh
MARIBEL. No , I do
n't have th at gift. La ve th e gift
LANEY. W ha t do yo
u me an he re ? th ou gh . Maybe yo u ha
an d se e if yo u have it we 're on th e
college. ul d in te rp ret, sin ce
ht here. Bur nearby th e of to ng ue s, an d I co
MAlmJa_ Well, no r rig
ofSprite to the g irls. ) sa m e br ain pl ane.
fEUsE returns, giv es a ca n
ELlsE. Th er e yo u go . ELISE. In ter pr et?
e ch ur ch sp ea ks
he n so m eo ne in th
to the •c ho ol da nce MARIBEL. Yeah. W in te rp re ts.
'-<NEon aribe
Mida
Y. Fr l anayd? me, we're go;ng
y. Ok in to ng ue s, so m et im
es an ot he r pe rs on
so m eo ne in
a me ssage he wa nts
El.ls£. Really? Like wh en Go d ha s re given a
My M om an d Da d we
LANE:v. Yes. th e ch ur ch to he ar . cle ft lip . Go d
he r Ga briel ha vi ng a
pr op hesy of my br ot
~
~ L~
~ 24 CR OO KE D
cit OO KE D
25
gave the me ssa ge to Mo m in ton gu es, an d the .•
Re bec ca int erp ret e d . Sh 'd "b n . ,.,..GtS
-£.t:1-- do n't pla n on
We1ll, the n the nlYgech
ttin g ma rri ed-
e sai , e com for ted in sist
y er oic
f.1JSof celibacy, wh ich0 tJ"1St me , eis yo u ha ve is to live a !ife
def orm ity ." An d the n Ga bn. b . our
eJ wa s om wit h a cleft lip. no fun . pe op le ne ed to
EIJSE. Se em s kin d of vag
ue. We all hav e def on nit ies
tio nal on es at lea st. . Emo- nav e seX,
IANEY. Mo m, I do n't thi nk J._.
£1,I\N
ISE~·· wi
M:,at
om?! I jus t thin!.< Ma rib el sh
Go d me an t it as a me tap ho ou ld ser iou sly o, n·
EIJSE. Ho w do yo u kn ow wh r. sid er he r op tio ns be fo re
at Go d me an t? sh e ma ke s up he r ,n. nd
IANEY. Ho w do yo u kno w? com ple tel
Yo u do n't eve n bel iev e in y.
EIJSE. Ne ith er do you , yo un God. LAI"""· Sh e did n't ask for yo ur op
ini on .
g lad y!
El,IS& Do yo u wa nt my
LANEY. Ma ybe I do . op ini on , Ma ribe ll
ELISE. Oh really? ~a ,.Y
]llJ S& Sees . neY ne
el 1,a ve r wa nts my op ini on ab ou
LANEY. WeII, I bel iev e in
sin , I bel iev e in tha t mu ch. t an yth ing .
ELISE. You bel iev e in sin ? LANESh"·eMa
thi nk s I'r n too cri tic al.
rib el jus t sai d tha t to be
LANEY. Yes. Hu rti ng pe
nic e, did n't yo u Ma ri-
op le, ign ori ng pe op le, div
peop1£. Th at's sin . orcing bel ?
£LI SE. Di d yo u? We re yo
ELISE. Wa tch it, Lan ey. u jus t be ing nic e?
MA RIB EL Sin is wh at MAJUBEL- I do n't kno w.
kee ps us fro m Go d. EIJSE, It's okaY, ho ne y. Ju st do n't be lie ve ev
ELI SE. No , rat ion ali ty Da dd y says in the pu lpi t. An ery thi ng yo ur
is wh at kee ps us fro m Go d do n't be lie ve eve ryt hin g
the wo rld as it rea lly is kee d. Se ein g
ps us fro m bu yin g int o a La ney say s eit her , for tha
pat ria rch al my tho log y tha t t ma tte r.
has kep t wo me n op pre sse d
for cen tur ies . LANEY· Ge ou t of
ELISE- I'mt go he re!
ing . Yo u tw o ha ve fun . Bu
LANEY. Mom! t I'm ke ep ing my
ea r to the do or. Ab sol ute ly
ELI SE. Wh at? Ar en' t I no spe ak ing in ton gu es.
all ow ed to exp res s my op ini
LANEY. No! on s? LANEY- Ge t out !!!
MA RIB EL Wh at do you me an? ELISE. I me an it.
LANEY. Wh at?
(ELISE exits.)
MA RIB EL (to ELI SE) Wh MAR)BEL, I do ".' ' wa nt
at you jus t sai d. to ge t ma rri ed , be ca us e
giv mg my hfe to Go d ent ire I pla n on
ELISE. It me ans , hon ey, ly. Bu t I wi sh I co uld
tha t rel igi on has bee n use d hav e
wo me n fro m pur sui ng the ir to kee p sex . I'm stil l a vir gin . I'v e
full pot ent ial . be en fin ge red on ce, bu t
MA RIB EL I do n't fee l yo u
tha t way. can be fin ge red an d stil l be
a vir gin .
ELISE. Well, you do n't LANEY• Ma rib el. ..jus t sh ut up
rig ht now. Bu t tru st me , you
do n't for a mi nu te o k ay.t
wa nt to fin d you rse lf hav ing MARIBEL Wh y? W ha t'd I say
to ob ey som e bac kw ard
Bible thu mp er wh o wil l onl ?
y let you ou t of the ho s LANEY- Itd 'sju st:d
.. ma yb e yo u sh ou ldn 't tal
to go to c h urch and to pie . k use k so mu ch Yo u
Piggily Wiggily. up a box of dia per s at the sou n stu p1 som eti mes.
MARIBEL I'm no t. I'm no ·
t stup1'd .
,.,- 26
caooxED
CROOKED 27
LANEY. I know you're not. But sometimes that•, ho~
sound. You
Scene Four
IMARma, ckariy disi,,,,ed, starts rubl,;"F!: he,Pal,.,)
cry? (continu,,JJ What's Wrong? Are you like going to
lANEY. (LANEY reads the following story to the audience. ELISE
sits in the living room behind her. She cannot hear
llfARIBEL. No, no I'm not. (Pau,,j I'm gonna go Wait ou,. LANEY,)
side for my Mom. She'll be here soon. [.ANEY, Veronica's young life was marked by one constant
IANEY. You want me to wait with you? thing: the cruelty of her Mother. .. Eliza, who having
MARIBEL. No. stolen Veronica from her Father when she was a baby,
IANEY. Okay. I'll call you tonight. now forced her to clean every floor in the house until
MARIBEL. If you want it shone like aluminum foil. The only escape Veronica
had from Eliza was when she rode her bike as far away
LANEY. I do. I do want to.
from the house as she could, the cool September air
MARmEL. Okay. Bye. filling her lungs full to capacity, just like she had filled
LANEY. Bye. the tires on her bike full to capacity with her bike
pump. One day, Eliza found the kitchen floors not
to her liking, and so she confiscated Veronica's bike
and gave it to the Salvation Army (Eliza liked to keep
up the pretense of being a good person to the out-
side world). This was the last straw for Veronica, who
decided she could stand it no more. So in the middle
of the night, she snuck into Eliza's room, stuck her
bike pump into Eliza's belly button and filled her so
full of air, she exploded, her bits and pieces decorat-
ing the walls.
The End.
{LANEY turns to ELISE and stares at her triumphantly.
ELISE looks up at LANEY questioningly, wearily.)
 - •vv,K.t; JJ
..
Scene Five
cJtOOKED
29
I
(lANEy and·MARIBEL sit in the church c/ioir le
vJ""· Why couldn't youi"-'t say we'd be here1
dark. MARIBEL hands a flashlight to LANEY. r~· ir
on the flashlights.)
t
urn
~EL· We're not supposed to be here.
vJ""·
Why not? I'm converting, right? They want me to
convert, don't they?
LANEY. I like the sanctuary like this. Empty. ~EL· Well you're not supposed to sneak into the sanc-
MARIBEL You said you liked the service. tuary to convert. You're supposed to convert during
the service, walk to the front of the church while every-
LANEY. I did. I just like it better like this. Quiet.
MARIBEL You said you wanted to convert. If you con body sings, "TJust as I am"
•
you have to go to sen1Jce.
, Vert' J»IEY· I like this way better.
~EL- Me too, (pause) ~he adults, they ~ll. think flash-
LANEY. I know.
light tag is a Godly kmd of fun. But 1t s not. I got
MARIBEL You could have convened during the service. fingered playing flashlight tag.
LANEY. I didn't want to convert during the service. I want I,ANEY· flow' d that happen?
to convert with you. Alone. There's nothing wrong r.fARIBEL, The whole point of playing flashlight, tag is so
with that, is there? you can hang out in the dark woods with boys. One
MARIBEL No. night, I was wearing a skirt, and Marcus Grayson told
LANEY. I like your Mom. me to come hide with him in this dry creek bed, and
while we were crouching there, I felt his fingers all of
MARIBEL Why?
a sudden walking up my leg. I didn't move. But they
LANEY. She's quiet My Mom's never quiet. I'm still not talk- kept walking up my thigh, until he fingered me.
ing to her. She's so embarrassing, God ...
MARIBEL You can't do that LANEY• Did it hurt?
MARIBEL No, it didn't hurt. It felt good. Kinda. I just wish he
LANEY. What? had kissed me is all. I've never been kissed. Have you?
MARIBEL Take the Lord's name in vain like that. If you're I.,ANEY. Sure. I kissed a boy at my school in Wisconsin.
going to convert, you have to stop doing that. Quentin Compson. We kissed in the library after
LANEY. Okay. school. We frenched. And then we got interrupted by
MARIBEL Are you ready? Mr. Caruthers.
LANEY. We should eat first. I brought some cake from the MARIBEL, Who's that?
potluck. LANEY, The librarian. He was cool though. We didn't get in
MARIBEL We can't eat in here. trouble or anything. Mr. Caruthers just sent us outside.
LANEY. Come on. It's a special occasion. I'm gonna get MARIBEL, Have you ever been fingered?
saved, right?
LANEY- No.
MARIBEL Yes. MARIBEL, ~ell, if you want to get fingered, we can go play
(LANEY hands MARIBEL a p iece of cake. They eat. )
flashhght tag. Marcus Grayson isn't here, but Henry
Bowen is, and he tries to finger everyone. He'd try to
I told my parents we were playing flashlight tag W:ith
finger you, even though you got, you know, a hump.
the youth group. The youth group always plays flash-
light tag on Friday nights. LANEY• It's not a hump. I think it's slutty to be fingered.
,., 30 CROOKED
cttOOKED

MARIBEL It's not like having sex. You can be fi
. . . ngered
still be a VJrgrn.
I.ANEY, It's still slutty. Especially if the person doesn't ki
MARI BEL The next time I u·ied to hide with Mar ss You.
·
lowed him through the woods, but he kept zigza cus It
back and fortl1 tl1rough tl1e u·ees. When I finally &ging
. .
up wit11 him and med to hold !us hand, he saidcaugh
r:. cow. " I Ia1'd down on' get
. 1at
away from me, you b1g
. l e
ground in tl1e woods and got s □ginata.
I.ANEY. I don 't really think you 're slutty. Marcus Grayson is
an asswad.
MARIBEL (giggling) You can 't say tllat here.
I.ANEY. What?
MARIBEL You can 't cuss.
I.ANEY. I didn't cuss. I just said asswad.
MARIBEL You said it again.
LANEY. You mean asswad?
MARIBEL (laughing even harder) Laney, I'm serious.
LANEY. Don't be such a tightass.
MARIBEL Laney!
LANEY. Asswad, tight ass, asshole, asinine.
MARIBEL Stop it!
LANEY. Asinine is not a cuss word.
MARIBEL It's not funny.
LANEY. Then why are you laughing?
MARIBEL Because you're not being serious.
LANEY. I'm as serious as a cereal box.
(The laughing subsides, They both calm down a little.)
MARIBEL Are you ready now?
LANEY. I guess.
MARIBEL You have to be sure. It doesn't count if y
,
not sure. ou re
LANEY. I'm sure. What do I have to do?
MARIBEL. First you have to confess your sin.
LANEY. Okay. I confess my sin.
MARIBEL. No, you have to be specific. Llst all your sins.
• A
31
and i>"ti~Yeah-It's
j\]oud? the fi,Sl step in getting ,aved.
~ Giveokay. rne an example,
1,1\1"- · oear Jesus, please forgive rne for alloW-
.oJ. ~-:---
.• atB£L, .. , rcus Grayson to finger rne.
· Cause even though
,ng, JVlafingered isn't as bad as having
. sex, its
. ' stt·11 a sin.
.
• 1 being
""""'. aut rve never been fing~red. .
h Jll.41U"El- Well, you just have to hst your other ,ms.
~
I»-1Ef• okay.
LikeLike what?
drunkenness and sloth and greed. Holding
other idols before God. Steabng. Murder. Cussmg.
J»IEY· Dear Jesus, please forgive me for saying ass.
(They both start gi,ggling.)
MAJUBEL- You're not supposed to laugh.
LANEY· I'm sorry. It's just funny. The word, ass.
r,fAfUBEL- Do you want Jesus 10 come into your heart or not?
LANE"· I guess. What's it feel like? When Jesus comes into
your heart?
MARJBEL, It feels .. .it feels like even if nobody ever speaks
to you, or hears you, or even touches you ever again, it
doesn't matter, because everything's okay. All the pain
you feel, itjust goes away and everything's okay. Some-
one sees me and hears me and knows everywhere that I
hurt. And he just takes all that pain on himself, so I don't
have to feel it anymore. So I'rn whole. So I'rn healed.
LANEY, I'd like that. To be healed.
MARIBEL, You want me to help you confess?
LANEY, 0 kay.
MARIBEL, Close your eyes and repeat after me. Dear
Jesus .. .
LANEY. Dear Jesus .. .
MARIBEL Please forgive me for my sins.
LANEY. Please forgive me for my sins.
MARIBEL For using your name in vain .. .
LANEY, For using your name in vain ...
MARIBEL And for ignoring you for fourteen years ...
r .:>,:
C~ OO KE D
,
33
CR OO KE D
You fo r fourteen Yea~
lANEY. And for ignoring
ught< and hur11u1 d ··· J Jove you, Laney.
AfARIBEL For my lu,tfuJ tho ~ E L - 1 ne ed you.
t,
ught< and hurtful deeceed s···
lANEY. For my lust£,~ tho · ·· gr. You do? If you wo n't try ag ain
,
MARIBEL I ask forgiveness. ~ E L , Yes. Le t
m e pr ay fo r you.
lANEY. I ask forgiveness. Jet m e pr ay fo r yo u,
okay?
r n, <1,
We confess With ou
AfARIBEL You say that if 00 ' Iba,
(LANEY nods.)
shand, closes her eyes and prays
believe in our hear~ th ~ ~ (MARIBEL grabs LANEY
you are God and if w ,
ad, then we Will be saved 011·
were raised from the de u confess? for herJeroently.)
beth Lane Waters, do yo • C1 b~l. M ari be l an d my
12a
MARJBEL. (con't.)
De ar Je su s, it's Mari
LANEv. I confess. e of my sin s,
th at yo u fo rg ive m
fri en d La ne y. I as k Gr ay so n an d
MARIBEL. Do you believe? uc h ab ou t M ar cu s
fo r th in ki ng so m m e fo r wa nt -
LANEv. I believe. ay th at yo u forgive
be in g fin ge re d. I pr Cu mm in gs . I
en ki ns an d De ed ee
come into your heart. in g to kill M el iss aj . Forgive m e
'«RmEL Now ask Jesus to t JesUs/ pr ay th at yo u'l l he lp
m e to fo rg ive th em
all, I ask th at
lANEv. Coe)me in to my he ar fo r th e ha tre d in my
he ar t. Bu t mo st of
ss to Laney,
(paus no t be in g a be tte r wi
tne
yo u forgive m e fo r ow tha t sh e
J? a be tte r witness, I kn
MARmEL. ¼' ha t do yo u fee be ca us e if I ha d be en ne ve r say no
be ca us e I kn ow you
(Pause) wo ul d have fel t you, no , it mu st
ne y th ou gh t you sa id
ng. It didn't Work. to anybody, an d if La pr ay th at you
!ANEY. Nothing. I feel nothi m et hi ng wr on g. I
an it. be be ca us e I di d so e wo n't have
MARmEL. You have to me de ar Je su s, so th at sh
en te r Laney's he ar t, sh e is so beau-
lANEY. I m ea nt it/ he ll, be ca us e Lo rd ,
to su ffe r ev erl as tin g I know th at
me an it. like he r writing, an d
MARIBEL. You have to reaJJy tiful an d full of gifts, Lo rd , I kn ow
he r ne ar yo u always.
LANEY. I reaJJy m ea nt it yo u'l l wa nt to ke ep kn ow yo ur
ways an d th at I ca n't
ea nt it, it would work. yo u ha ve my ste rio us ir, bu t I kn ow
'«RiBEL If yo u reaJJy m u kn ow my every ha
rk, every hair, th e way yo g th at yo u
an t it, an d it di dn 't wo no , so Lo rd , I'm as
kin
L<NEr. Jt di dn 'L I «a ily me . th at yo u do n' t say bu t so La ne y
s,i bl e. Let's do it again m e, no t fo r myself,
'™<ma. Th at' s no t po forgive me , fo rg ive
. I asked Je su s in to my
he ar t yo u to o. Am en .
engterit. again mi gh t be he ale d by
Y. I'm no
LANEan he di dn 't in
t do at IANEY.
eyes, glistening. She looks
d
say no ! (MARIBEL opens her
MARIBEL.Jesus do es n't , MARIBEL smiles.)
Silence. It's electric. Slowly
LANEY. He di d to me. l tha t?
to try again. MARIBEL. Do yo u fee
MARIBEL. Laney, we have LANEY. Yes.
ain. You can't make me
u-y again. at it is?
LANEY. I'm not trying •gnt you to go to hell. MARIBEL. Do you kn
ow wh
MARIBEL Bu t I do n't wa hell. ad.)
L\NEv. I do n't believe in (LANEY shakes her he
be ca u, , You•,, the It's th e holy ghost.
want you to go to hell. the mouth. It is
'™ <m a I do
on ly fri en dn'tI've ever had. kisses MARIBEL on
(LANEY leans in and
1 ou ds. You have Jesus. beat too long.)
Yc do n't ne ed frien sweet and gentle and a
~~ i:. l'.
A .. ,.,. ..
~ ·:..
 35
54 CR OO KE D
c~ oo KE D
Sc en e Six
£¢E· did n't
~
att ack her , ..
d'd
(The living room. ELISE is up, •1yo u 1 so, '-'o l'
u ifls ult ed he
. ion , I'mr reh gio fl•
wai ti_ng for_ LANEY. She sorTY if 1t. emb arr ass e d
has a nlM ~ of wine, an d the boU
/,e sits
)!lJS"· e~ res sed an °Pwa 111
nt to tal k ab ou t yo ur D a d?
When 6.... ..., L-, 'des hbeside the chair..
she hears I.ANEY enter, s,u:
1 P
you , (pa'tl,Se) Do yo u
m t e home.)
ELISE. Ho w was it? lJU" ' __ . No l Go d-· · ,
....fft!l up set ab ou yo ur Da d- I
£1.lSE· th'1.nk yohu re be en rou gh tbet thm
· k th at•s
IANEY, Fin e.
ELISE. Di d you dan ce? :J 1
h pec
thi ngs
k is ,urave
we en us. I thm
nin g ou t to be a soJTY ste p-f
. k Gr eg-
ath er.
IANEY.Some. LA""'· I ha te it wh en yo u do tha t\
ELISE. Re ally? Wh o wit h?
LANEY. Maribel. LASE·
EJ,J ""'·Wh
]',{at?
ake jok es Jik e tha t. It's no t fun
ny.
ELISE. Did you tak e you £LISE- Ijo ke , the ref ore , I cop e.
r me dic ine ?
LANEY. Go d ... I'm no t a bab
y. J..ANEY · Go d ...
ELI SE. I know. Yo u wa nt
EL( SE· 1,.aney , yo u' re so old , Ho w did you ge t to be
som e ho t cho col ate ? I cou ld so old?
som e ho t cho col ate . No t the make LANE"· Ha ve yo u be en dri nk ing ? Ar
cra p pac kag ed kin d. The e yo u dru nk ?
fro m scr atc h kin d. Wi th ma rsh EL(SE, No t dru nk , Bu zze
ma llo ws . An d a pep per - d. I'm no t a dru nk ard , I'm
a bUZZ·
mi nt stick.
IAN EY. I'm no t hun gry . ard .
LANEY- I'm go ing to y roo m,
ELISE. Sit dow n. EL( SE- I go t ajo h. Thm at' s why I'm hav ing a gla ss,
a bo ttle , o f
LANEY. I'm no t talk ing to
you . win e. To cel ebr ate .
ELISE. I've not ice d. Bu t you
can sit dow n, can 't you ? Sit wit
h
LANEY• Yo u go t a job ?
me and no t talk . We can sit in ELI SE, I did . I'm a bus y, bu zza rd of a bee . I go t a
sile nce . Wi th cho col ate job .
and ma rsh ma llo ws and pep per LANEY, Th at' s gre at, Mo m.
mi nt goo dne ss and you r Yo u ne ed a job , Yo u' re cra
fav ori te mo vie of all time: The zy
Bicycle Thi ef wit hou t a job , you
LAN EY. Th at's no t my favorite mo vie of ELISE, Yo u'r e loo kin gkno w.
at the new off ice ma na ge
favorite mo vie of all time. all tim e. Th at's you r r, tha t's
rig ht, off ice ma nag er, no t adm
ELISE. Th at's rig ht. You ini str ati ve ass ista nt, for
pre fer The Goonies. JeJTY L . Sta rde r, Es q. He 's
LANEY. I do not .
a tor ts law yer . Ar nbu Jan ce
cha ser. I-le wo re a see rsu cke
r sui t. My Fa the r wo re a
ELI SE. You love The Goo see rsu cke r sui t. I thi nk that's
nies. why I sai d yes. It's a hor -
LANEY. Do not .
rib le job .
ELI SE. You use d to love LANEY· You do n't kno w. Yo u haven 't starte
The Goo-nies. Wh at do you love d yet. Maybe he 'll
Wh at d oes my beau tifu l gro wn . ;i
LANEY. Be ing lef t alo ne.
-up girl love now? now. let you ma ke lists.
ELISE, Rig ht. Wa ys to fin d clie nts , On e, bri be aro
ELISE. I do n't believe you driver s. Tw o, sta ke ou t the chi bu lan c~
. rop rac tor 's office . Th ree ,
LANEY. Why did you have to atta ck Maribe
l like tha t? go un der cov er as an E.M .T.
LI\NEY· You cou ld go bac k to soc
ial wo rk.
 S6 37
CR OO KE D
cl lo ol {E D
\
I
I
ELISE. N o m or e so . st ar t be in g \e ss em
ci al wo rk . Th is is th
ne w lif e. No m or e
pa ys be tte r th an so ci
so ci al wo rk . Je rr y L.
al wo rk . A nd he se em
~::g
e be gi .
of tny
ed er Esq.

jl,ls£· M "
ra5s n
rm . go in g >JO go in g
.., . Stdllr un g no w, 1~-
th
to
ur fri en ds will alw "Y

ba rr as si ng . I
to be th e ,n t un-<!tn
os
' be we lc
bar·
oi
th at I to ok th e jo b,
ev en th ou gh he 's a · g ~o m ~ore lia io us ki nd . I'l l bi te my to ng ne
ever. '7V
Th at 's th e To r gratefttl 11er1e • ev en e er a..t·.., ,e . ue ,
se cr et ill of so ci al wo rk , La ne y. 1 opr
- om ise . I'l l ch
al k 1t. up to tbe
yo u try to he lp , th ey Th : lawyer, Wl•en
a the Y ev an . g so
ar en 't ge •• ut
, h ag ain - Ev en th ou gh
gr at ef ul . Th ey 're su P_e~Ple I ba te 1t.
.
an d mo stl y cra zy . Po 11azard of m
or pe op le ar e no t sa
ju st po or an d stu pi
d an d of te n cra
sp1
ints. Thc1o,us I»""1'1'·1 bi te mY toovnginue , okay
Ol< aY · (pa ,,s e) If I tel ?
l yo u so m et hi.ng , wi. ll yo
of te n stu pi d an d cr zy . Ri ch peopley re u pr om ·
az y to o , bu t th ey 're e are
th in gs be in ric h. So ise no t to ge t m ad ?
g eq ua l, I'l l ta ke th e ric h an d stu 1
th e po or an d stu pi d, pi d ov:~ £1.lSE· ,w ha t it?
an d I'm in a pl ac e in
be ca us e th e ric h, th
lif e wh er e I w an t to
ey ca n pay I» ""'· pr omis
ise yo u w on 't ge t m ad
ge t pa id . ' ,
LANEY. Th at 's gr ea fjJSt:- pr om ise I w on
t, M om . 't ge t ,n ad ,
EL ISE . Bu t af te r I ~ · It' s two th in gs
sa id yes, an d Je rr y L. re all y.
my ha nd St ar tle r, Esq. shook EIJ.SE· y u ca n tel l m
, oo zi ng gr at itu de, I go t in to m y ca r 0 e an yt hi ng .
I ju st sa t th er e an d an d cried. J.,ANEY· I'm a le sb
cr ie d, ca us e no w I'm ia n.
pe rs on wh o wa nt. s to th e ki nd of (ELISE ,tu/" .,. ,,a
ge t pa id . Is n't lif e gr
an d?
gi ng I,ANE \' 's neck,)
LANEY. I gu es s.
£L
LAISE
ELISE . La ne y, sta y an d sit wi th m e, cu dd le wi
NE· Really? Si nc e wh
"· Si nc e to ni gh t. en
A ?
nd
th m e. I ca n't I'v e be en sa ve d. I'm
tak e yo ur pe tu la nt te a ho lin es s
en ag e th in g to ni gh t.
m y lit tle gi rl. I ne St ay an d be les bi an .
ed m y lit tle gi rl, m y Flopsy £L
no bo dy els e in th e wh
ol e wi de wo rld . Stay.
. I ha ve LAISE
NE."·AYeho lin es s les bi an ?
s, I be lie ve in th e po wer of th e ho ly gh os
(LANEY sit s ne xt to EL kis s gir ls. An d I di dn 't t, an d I
ISE . EL ISE cu dd les go to th e da nc e, so I
Ar e you my Flopsy?
he r.) m ak es th re e th in gs yo gu es s th at
u ca n' t ge t m ad ab ou
LANEY. Yes.
t.
ElJSE. Yo u di dn 't
LA NE Y· go to th e da nc
ELISE. An d wh o am I? No . I we nt to ch ur ch wie? th M ar ib el . A nd th en
LA NE Y. Mo m . .. I go t
saved. An d th en we ki
ss ed .
EL ISE . I'm yo ur
M op sy . (Pause) W ho EU SE , Yo u ki ss ed M
LANEY. Yo u know. do yo u lov e? ar ib el?
LANEY· O n th e m ou th .
ELISE. Te ll me . Tell
m e wh o yo u lov e. EL . La ne y ...
LANEY. I lov e yo u, M
om . I.AISE
NEY· You pr om ise d yo u wo ul dn 't
wst :- ge t m ad .
ELISE . Th at 's rig ht. M y lit tle gir l lov es me , an l't n no t in ad , l't n so be r. Su dd en ly , I'm
an yt hi ng els e? Do I?
Do I?
d I do n' t ne ed LA NE Y· t,n d !'i n gl ad th ~t I'm a ho lin es s le
so be r,
l.ANEY. No . If th ere w~ sb ia n. !'i n pr ou d.
re a ho lin es s le sb ia n m ar ch , I'd m ar ch
(EL ISE sits up an d . It' s
starts to massage LA NE Y 's ne a go od th in g.
ck .)
El,lSE. I di dn 't say it
wa sn 't.
£:'r;,::,. .-; ;.
38 CR OO KE D ct to oK E D
39 l
... ..n. v B ut you
LAI,,,.... w ou ld n' t m
m ar ch to su pp or t . ar ch , wonld you? You Wo
my hfestyle. u1dn\ £1,lSt•)'o\lr memoirs? .
.....c:E Lifestyle? Y
~ . . . ou ha ve a lif es ty le
t#,:;.·)'es.eyMyI memoirs
kn ow yo ,
u \o
now ? W he re d ve a go od stor)'• ,\ nd th
he ar these dungs? O ~U ~• 1s
.,. . t-oo
1, an
d ,to'r)'• B ut is, it 's a
ar e yo u ,o re ·
tt,s you.? Because ·f ·
lA NE Y, I do n' t he ar gou, th en you' 1 tt's no t
th em anywhere. It' re m os t lik
ELISE. Laney, on
s who I am. y ely go in g to hu rt someo
e evening is no t a ~ - rm go th . ne,
lifestyle. ng to pu t at m my mem . I'
!ANEY. D on tell the w or oirs. m go.m
't n-y to m ak e th is no t a bi g deal.
It's a very big
ld th at yo u sa id th at , th at yo u' re an g to
deal . unsup-
ELISE. Yes, it is a
bi g de al
f.L!SE
po· rti
G<ve Mleotad
> a) he, r.bl am
e me
, La ne y. And I'm ju st trying fo r ev
er yt hi ng . T ha t's w
with it, so do n' t to deal rm here for, to feed ha t
pu t on th e dramatics. C om yo ur fourteen-year· old de
ea rt h for a little w
hile. I'm no t oppres
e back to That's wha t th is is, lusions,
sing you, I'm just L an ey . It's a delusion, an
taking it all in. know , you ju st ca n' t d you
afford to have delusio
LANEY. Are you go ns, because
ing to disown me? they ru n in th e fa
ELISE. Laney, of mily.
course not. Be real LANEY· Why
istic. do yo u ha te m e?
LANEY. D on 't say th £L1SF- Laney, I ha
at! I hate it when yo
u say that!
ve ne ver given yo u any reason
ELISE. Ca lm do w n. hate you. You m ea n to think I
Lo ok , if yo u' re a lesbian, I'm m or e to m e th an anything in
that . A nd if yo u w fine with the
an t to jo in th e holin world. You kn ow
th e re de em er , th en
I'm fine with th at
ess ch ur ch of LANEY· Yes. (pause) W th at .
admitt to o, al th ou gh hy do yo u ha te M
ed ly les s so . Bu t I also think yo u' re ELISE, Beca us e ar ib el ?
a little con- sh e' s po or an d st up id . A nd
fu se d, be ca us e th e A nd be ca us e fra a lit tle bi t crazy.
pastor of th e Holin nk ly , sh
th e Rede em ess C hu rc h of e' s no t go od en ou gh fo
er is pr ob ab ly no t going to be to r yo u.
ab ou t you kissing hi o happy N ot nearly.
s daughter. .
UNEY. She kiss
ed me too.
ELISE. Fine. \\T ha tev er. I ju st th in k you ne ed to give
a little m or e tim e, yourself
be fo re you start makin
de cl ar at io ns , be ca g all th es e
us e you see, the Holin
the Redeemer is no ess Church of
t goin g to re ce ive a
old, self-declared le fo
sbian with op en arm urteen-year-
LA.NEY. I'm no s.
t se lf-de cla re d. I ju st am. I'm a holin
bian an d nothing is ess les-
ever going to chan
ELISE. Fine. You're ge that.
a holiness lesbian.
lANEY. I ad m it, I m ig ht m ee t some resistance
ud ic e. M ay be I'l som .
l ge t thrown ou t of th •
Maribel an d me wi e ch ur che prejd-
ll have to m ov
But when my mem .
mrs are published,
e to an ot he r ~ an
year-old h oliness lesb . ot he r fo own.
1ans wi.ll u
so alone. re ad th em an d wo rteen-
,
n tfe el
Aiii,,;:
., .. :-"
 Scen e Seve n CROO KED 41
~
~£ L, lANEY ati,J £List ha~,1¼1fio;, ""1 .,,.
dm 'Iler. An ""Pty Pu.a box sit, on th EJJSf:• Peter '. Pete r was a socio logis t at the Univ
ersity of
drinking a glass ofwin,,, th, bottJ, b,,,,J,,
f;0o, tt.is;'w Wisconsm.
..·ier.) ~E L. Wha t's that?
No?My Mol}) Won't let Us Orde r Pizz
Is
AIAR. ma
El.ls£
fl.IS£· Well, a sociologist is some one who studies sociology,
you know, the study of ho'; peop le inter act with one
I,1 AIARma She Won 't let Us ea, fast food, anoth er. How they beha ve m groups, how social insti-
£List, Pizza isn't f.ist They say it Will be a haJr.n tutions oper ate, that kind of thing.
alWays takes forty fiVe lllinutes. ou,, bu, i1 (LANEY enters with the Sprite.)
AIARma My Molll C<>oks every nigh t You don•, k
-, MARJBEL. Did you have sex before you got marr ied?
nig
El.rs£. ht
.No. coo eveh, [ANEY. Grossi You can't ask my Mom abou t sex.
She
MARIBEL Why not? My Mom won' t ever talk abou t sex.
had
Af..uuna Don 't you like to cook? didn 't even tell me what a perio d was. I thou ght I
n't
£Lis£. No, I have neve r liked to cook. sat on a razor in the bath tub or some thing . I could
figure out why I was bleed ing. I bet Elise told you
all
AfARma Did you cook for Laney's Dad? abou t perio ds when you got yours.
£Lis£. No. It's one of the bene fits of bein g a heatlien, you ELISE. Laney hasn 't ...
don 't have to cook for your hUsband.
LANEY.Mom/ (LANEY silences ELISE with a look.)
got
I told Lane y abou t perio ds long befo re she ever
EU.st. Pete r did the cooking, before he... one.
Wit!, your IANEY. Can we please talk abou t some thing
else?
LlN£Y. You look very Pretty tonigh~ Maribel. prett y.
hair pulle d hack like that It's very silky and ELISE. I don' t know why you' re so emba rrass
ed. We're all
AfARmEL, Than k You. (to £i.rsE) You grew-up here, right? women here .
lathe r's hous e. He was a MARIBEL. Even thou gh you don' t know Jesus
, Elise, you're
£I.rs£. That 's righ t This was my
liter ature professor at the University. much coole r than my Mom.
ELISE. Well, than k you, Mari bel, I think . You
girls can ask
AfARmEL. He wrote shor t stories like Liney1
s. me anything, you know. I'm not embarrassed.
El.ls£. No, he wrote long books abou t shor, storie until you get
MARIBEL Is it true that you can't use tamp ons
Y. Wou
LANEhapp ld you like som e mor e 'Prite, Maribel? I'd be
y to get you anot her one. married?
MARIBEL Okay. ELISE. What?
MARIBEL. Siste r Rebe cca told me that unm
arrie d girls
/l.ANEy aw '-,~ fuss,, MAitniu on the cheeJ. . Af.uu_
pon,;u,, El.JsE not;ce,, I.ANfy have to use pads . She said you can't use tampons until
BEL ;_,
exits. ) unaware and unres you'r e marr ied.
ELISE. No. That 's absolutely false. Usin g tamp
ons has noth -
Wha t did Lane y's Dad do?
ing to do with getti ng marr ied. It just has to do with
comf ort and bath ing suits.
 42
C~oo.lCED 43
cllooKED
MARIB£L Did you have sex beror
EUsE. Yes e You go t Illar"
.1,
. •1ed? and fJJSE are alone.)
MARma. What did it feel like?
(fau5e. MAJUBEL
L\NEy_ I thought you weren't ever go. ~FJ- Gan I tell you a ,ecret?
u" n-.-... Ing to l1av
...vuun£t.. I'm not. But since I'm ne,,er . e se)(, f.. sure, honey.
• I wan, to know what it's like
•~ going t ''P•ne f:1JS £1,, I have stigrnata•
O
EUsE. Okay. I'm going to tell you girls
· th tru llce ~ W}lat?
,iJSf- umnata- But not the )<ind
. where you bleed
something that no other Mother in : ~
•bou, "• •• 1i1B£1,, I haves ~---
~":" . . 'ble ki n d •
hands and feet. The invis1
Mississippi Will ever teU you. One... e"' 01• Slat, oi froJll your
LANEY. Not a list. ..
fJ.lSE- fhe" invisible kind? I get this pain underneath my
sometimes
El..rsE. Yes, a list A sex list One don't expect y _.• 111BEL· and
--;--J<ln, ies. y veins feel like they're going to PoP if I
01
to know how your body works.
' b er
y Partn
Learn ho,..our
don't do something!
works your>e)f and teach your partner if neceSSary.
.. our octY EIJSE· ,o.nd what do you do when this happens?
LANEy_ You sa,d you were going to stop being emba,.
rassmg!
?JAIUBEL I pray.
EJJSE- Right. I see- (pause) You know, it's not uncommon
EUsE. I lied. TWo, sex fee)s really good when it's With som,. for teenage girls to feel that way.
one you 're not supposed to do it with. It feels great.
MARIBEL Really? MAfUBEL To have stigmata?
EIJSE, No, not stigmata. But to feel a kind of invisible pain,
EUsE. Yes. Three, that kind of sex feels great But sex feels you know ... a physical manifestation of emotional dis-
most amazing after about ten years of being with some- tress. Sometimes girls hurt themselves, cut themselves,
one. When you've gotten over that first phase of bliss, to make the pain visible. Have you ever wanted to do
and you've gotten through the onset of disillusion- that?
ment, and you 're finally in this groove of accepting this MARIBEL I don't have that. I have stigmata.
body beside you for all its flaws, and you've stopped EUSE. Well, you think you have stigmata. .-.
trying to shape it, or bend it to your will, or even look- MARIBEL No, I have it. '
ing to it to get you off. When you 're just lying there ELISE. Okay. You have it. But you know, you could talk to
and can accept the body beside you for merely being someone at school. Maybe a guidance counselor?
there beside you, that's when sex can creep up on you
and be more wonderful than you ever thought. MARIBEL About my stigmata?
EUSE, Right. (pause) Well, you can talk to me. If you get
MARIBEL You 're thinking about Laney's dad, aren!t you?
ELISE. God, yes. another case of.. .stigmata, you could call me.
(Pause. LANEY svery uncomfortable in this territory. She
MARIBEL Why?
picks up the Pi.z.za box.) ELISE.just to check in. Let me know you're okay.
LANEY. I'JJ take this out. MARIBEL Okay!
(LANEy exits. ELISE calls after her.) ELISE.Fine.
(LANEY returns.)
ELISE. You don't have to.
1,
[ ~ ,1~
 4f 2'~
CJtoo,u:n 45
cllooK ED
I.ANEY. What are you talking about?
(Pa-use)
ELISE. Secret s. Sex secrets . i# What?
lANEY. Tel) me! fJJS£.Just fess
d up,'t ,,noW everyth.ing I do,
-~· y u on .iv•C rnpson is a fictional charac ter.
f)'I'-
0
ELISE. I thoug ht you didn 't Want me to talk b fJJSE· }3utQ
. uenun °
ld u 1n,ent in in Madis on was named after
~ - I don 't Becau se I'm not ever oin ta out sex. t.»1t\', IJust to yo , ¼~
WI th a man. the faulkfl er charac ter. in Cornp son 1n
no Quent . Madiso
. n!
g g O have sex. Not
ELISE. Can I hold you to that? Was
lANEY. I'm not.
F,1.JSE youthdon't
,,,..;..13ut ere )<now the name of every boy in MadiSO
~·
J!llSI!· )<now (hat people in Wisconsin do not name thetr
ELISE. We'll see.
1
childre n after charac ters from Faulkn er.
MARIBEL At least Laney 's kissed a boy.. I've never e
that d ~ - fine, don't believe rne.
ven one '£LISE, Good, cause I don't.
ELISE. What boy did Laney kiss?
lANEY. It's not impor tant. (pause)
MAR]BEL I failed my driver' s test. When the man said to
MARIBEL She kissed a boy named Quent in Compson. At turn on the right blinke r I turned on the left. It was so
her school in Wisconsin. She told me.
ELISE. Quent in Comp son? stupid of rne.
MARIBEL. Yes! LANEY· You've told me that story.
EUSE. Laney! MARIBEL. I was telling Elise.
ELISE. That's too bad, honey. I'm sure you can take it again.
UNEY. What? MARIBEL- My Dad says I have to wait anothe r year. Keep
ELISE. You told Maribe l you kissed Quent in Compson? practicing and all. He sells Mitsubishis but he doesn' t
lANEY. So? make much money off of it, becaus e he doesn' t like to
fool poor people , He says Jesus would n't fool a poor
ELISE. Why not David Coppe rfield? Why not Huck Finn?
MARIBEL. I don't get it. man into over-paying for a Mitsubishi.
ELISE. Come on, Laney, fess up. EUSE, No, I guess he would n't.
MARJBEL, I guess a sociolo gist would n't fool a poor man
LANEY. I don't know what you 're talking about. into over-paying for a Mitsubishi either.
ELISE. Marib el, Quent in Comp son is a charac ter in
The EUSE. Well, Peter would n't at least.
Sound and the Fury, a novel by William Faulkner. Laney's MAfUBEL, Do you mind talking about him?
I never kissed a boy.
MARIBEL. Oh. Why did you say... ? EUSE- No. It's fine.
l1 MARIBEL When did he die?
LANEY. There was a boy named Quenti n Compson in Madi-
son. His parent s named him after Quenti n Compson EI.JSE. Who?
in The Sound and the Fury. M;\lllBEL- Laney's Dad.
ELISE. Laney! EI.JSE. Laney's Dad is not dead. Laney, did you tell Maribe l
that your Father was dead?
l
 47
46 CJlooKED cJlooKED
IANEY. No. ~ ,,.,SS her ,_tJ "" r,<AJUB£L 's ,,,.,..)
ELISE. He 's not dead.
LANEY. I know. <>'-"'°'EL stands up ff";ddJ·)
£L. I .,an' ,o go- I don't feel so ~d-
ELISE. 'Why did you think he was, Maribel?
~ - f\t le"'' let ,ne gi<e yo'-' something fits~
MARIBEL I don't know.
ELISE. Did Laney tell you that? ~£1,-
~y What
1aW is •it?foJMd piLU of pal"' qut of hP pocUt
MARIBEL I think so. I don't know.
and hands it to ~ £ 1 ,.)
ELISE. Laney? ...,,,S· It's sto.-Y for yo'-'· frn dedicating it to yo'-'•
3
LANEY. I didn't tell her that. She assumed he was dead
I let her. I didn't lie. 'and
EUSE. Peter is not dead. He's severely mentally ill. You hear
me, Laney?
I.ANEY. I know/ It's not like I don't know that.
EUSE. He's institutionalized. He 's not dead.
MARIBEL Oh.
(Pause)
ELISE. Maribel, I think it's time I took you home.
LANEY. But we were gonna watch movies!
EUSE. Not anymore. You can watch movies another time.
LANEY. But you said!
EUSE. I changed my mind.
LANEY. You can'tjust change your mind.
ELISE. Yes, I can. Get your things together, Maribel. I'm
going to get my keys, and then we're taking you
home.
LANEY. Why do you have to always ruin everything!
(ELISE exits.}
God! I hate her!
MARIBEL Did you kiss Quentin Compson?
LANEY. Yes! God, she doesn't know everything. (pause) I
don 't want you to go.
MARIBEL It's okay.
LANEY. I mean it
~ ~
 48
CJtoolC.Eo 49
clloOKED
Scene Eight
~~
scene Nine
B 1 ""d.
U,, f ollow;n1; ,tory to tJ., . . on the bleachers. )
••
-
. " - ., . '""'- "··
" ' on"" 'ta..un, bi,ach,,,, "'adtti th . "'IQ. MAJUBEL sitting
~ apPTOaches ·
LAN>:v. It IS. a sunny day in June. She Wear,
g e siol).J
and siis in a field dotted With dandelionsa )'elJo,v dress ..rt!/. I-Iey.
IJII'~- u · 'd get my mes-
full as cotton swabs. She picks the flowe...-
, as \vh·1 e a.11c1 ~EL- i-it. . ou yesterday. Di you
on them one by one, beheading then, With h 1
·~ anc1 bl
°"' ~· I
tried calhng Y
breath. Sornetunes the Wind takes the feath, er""'" sage? ·
away, but sornetirnes it_ bring, then, back, so ;?;,!';i~• .••omEL- Uh huh. . t take me to church.
black hair IS littered Wtth White, like snoWflake,. u/ ~ h ou were going o
J.ANEY, l thoug t y . ' r l rke driving out to get you.
M Mom d1dn t iee i
dandtufr_ I sit beside this girl, Watching her heh...:
the dandelions one by one, and as the sun sink, into MAJUB~/didn't you call and tell me?
the sky and fireflies con,, out for the nigh,, I slowi IJ\NEY· . y, phone was busy.
MARJBEL I did. our . to call one another at the
walk my fingers up her creamy, White tlugh. LANEY· Maybe we were trying .
1
. vou know synchronized. d
same ume. l' '
MARIBEL I figured Elise could take you, if you really wante
to come.
LANEY. I did want to come.
MARIBEL Why didn't you then?
LANEY. I wanted to go with you. Look, I'm sorry I lied about
my Dad. You want my dessert?
MARIBEL No. I'm full.
LANEY. Well, will you at least look at me?
(MARIBEL turns around.)
MARIBEL -Sometimes Satan tricks me .
LANEY. Vi'hat?
MARIBEL. \,\Then I was little, I tried to baptize Gabriel in
the bathtub. I wanted to make sure he was saved, even
though he was just a baby, so I ran the water in the
bathtub, got Gabriel out of his crib and baptized him.
He almost drowned, but my Mom came in and pulled
him out. Then she laid her hands on me and said,
"Satall, I bind you from my daughter, Maribel. Satan, I
cast thee out!"
LANEY. Why?
MARIBEL Because Satan was tricking me. Made m e tJiink I
....._ >,:., ~ wanted to baptize Gabriel, just so's he could d rown .
 .'> (J
c~oolCEo
61
in Sa ran. CR O O KE D
LANEY. I don't believe ,.. y h
no
Atuusa_ You. 're saved 011 a>c to
ber
'<>,ins I know yo u do n'
t kn ow all
r • • -- believe in J''esu . s •~ , ay. I fo rg iv e you. ab ou t
-• ~ r . No. IJu st ~ - T ha t's ok you do n' t know
.
n sQJJ IJirks _ t w ri tin g. Like
., ,_ _ k Sa ta th at m uc h ab ou f ca us e yo u 're i11
re m e·
........,,El.. I thm ., 's•"e some_ti l!ies, 'ons .. ge nr es an d m et
ap ho rs an d st uf ou ld n' t
. . ing ab le th at yo u w
. son,"t h it's un de rs ta nd
rne 'Oto thinking go od, "'hen it• ....I, dial classes, so
ge t it.
Y. d.Like Wliat?
LANEba s tea11
I . .
•erOng you. I think did It 1'ro • MAJUBEL I go t it.
di dn 't.
--~tt~ _LANEY. N o, you ith
tuusa_ Like )'Ou. Con he girl in th e fie ld w
rA, • - · "" - ,
T
t st up id . I go t it.
MARIBEL- I'm no ir.
ir. T ha t's my ha
acting funny. th e silky black ha
tuusa.. IlecaUse You 're
LA4N£y How so? [ANEY. So? t me.
at story was ab ou
AfAluBa YoUr Story. MARIBEL. So, th wa s in sp ir ed by you.
it? .[.ANEY. It w as
n't ab ou t you. It
L4N£v. You didn 't like t want to in sp ir e
yo ur ro m an ce .
AfAluB.Ez..No. MARIBEL. I do n' .
Marcus Grayson
.LANEY. You an d
u li ke about it?
LANEY. W ha t di dn 't yo MARIBEL Marcu
s?
MARma You know. IANEY. Yeah.
H e was th e na rr
at or .
n ""J'lhing. /1'1 na rr at or ?
up stor y. It do es n' t m ea MARIBEL. T he
pe rs on de sc ri bi
ng th e gi rl in
's a lllade-ow
LANEY. Itn. ion is, right? yo u know, th e
fictio You kn what Ect IANEY. Yeah, an d M ar cu s. You
kn ow,
Af..uuaa Yes . in sp ir ed by you re al
th e field. It was B ut it 's no t th e
do with he fi ng er ed you.
yth;ng to th e story of how
l it. is. It do es n' t have an ce .
lANEmY.y co ater
Thnv alon
's si story. It's ro m an
that before. MARIBEL. B ut
you said "I ."
Write Uke
AfARma.. You di dn 't e. You IANEY. So? .
in a di ff er en t genr said, I walk my fin
gers .. .yo u know
I Wwashaju ,, t, y; ng to Writteyou? MARIBEL. You
E,,,ow
L<Nkn t a ge nr e is, do n'
AIARma. Uh huh. , IANEY.So?
it? MARIBEL. So, I
is you. up pe rs on .
UlN£Y. What? What is not. I is th e na na
tor. I is a m ad e-
arcus
MARma. You know
. IANEY. No, it's on in sp ir ed by M
a m ad e- up pe rs
r, In this case, I is it m ig ht bo th er
yo u.
rit e something diffe I co ul d see ho w
was ju ,, trying to W i,m, I wanted to Grayson. I guess by you an d Mar
cus,
UlN£Y. Yes, I do . I rl ie r st uf f was re
al s it was in sp ir ed
en c A ro m an ce.
M y ea
to freak you our. But no bo dy know t in sp ir es me.
e. I didn't m ea n I ca n co nu·ol wha
, a rom an ce this tim
ou t. an d it's no t like Marcus?
tryEL
MARIB I di dn 't freak story was ab ou t m e ... an d
re a/istical ls MARIBEL. Th at en ed in th e
o, ed to take fr so th in g th at ha pp
en 't suispptic . LANEY. Yeah.
You kn ow th e you.
UlN£YR om anucewiserno t real
. Yo w hi m lo ok in g at
I sa
woods. B ut also,
A£.uu-a.EL O h. did?
MARIBEL. You
-- ·" - , - (~ ··, "'- \~
I ':ti!' '"
 52
CRooKE
D 53
LANEY c ~ o o l\ .E D
. Yeah , h e
lo n g in g in w a s lo o k in g a t y o u
MARIBEL H h is e y e s. all
e w a s? • adll\ilit\
LANEY. Yea "".t.'.t::0I·,f'/Jl.h- Y,•?s h a rd
h. I saw it . gly. With to e ~p \a il 'l ·. .
MARIBEL. ~- - \) e \i e •• in s 0 ll
When? 1 afl1 1 sl )P P le th 1. o g " 'e n
,.. - o se " '"
., p \a in it c1 d to
~ · u o w '
LANEY. O n
F ri d ay. A ft
~ ~ -yo
- \l ca n t e~ early?
th e b u s e s . e r s c h o o l, w h e .. ,. - . o ri ,r in
n we w , ... ..
a.,,t9s.fl.,- s a ta a l s.tl'l·
MAR e1e Wai. '{ o o '• fl 1s
• aJre " - ·d th • '·
IB E L . H e ad Y sal
w a s lo o k in b d
I
ting for th in g s , b " ' y ,
LANEY. Y e
a h
g at me? ~ f l . - S•"
'n mal<es " ' d o o " can . tJ""'
. W it h lo n g in g in h
about ho is e y e s. blaflle n it n · •
w y o u . .. fe L ik e h e was ·· , a\c.e s e n s e \
w ri te th lt . A n d th th' . ~ - -r n a t
e st o ry . a t' s w h a t inspired 1~ d o e ~ n t rn
M A R IB E L ~ng ~ £ 1 .. - s a ta
.O h . ll is -· ·
to ~ - rm w
LANEY. I d a it in g - ..
id n 't m e a n
M A R IB fo r it to fr e a k ~ E L· S
E L It d id n 't fr e a k m y o u o u t. a ta n is-•·
LANEY. Y o u e OUL ~.Go o
w e re ta lk in
g abo ~ E L - .. n -•·
stuff. u t S a ta . a m e ta p h
n a n d drown o r.
MAR ing and (T h is stu:rnps
IB E L It d id i..ANf-Y ·)
n 't fr e a k m
LANEY. T a e OUL ,..i.u»
~ f1o 'L-rf w
o rh ath
lk in g a b o u t? • b a J ft l we 's e
M A R IB E L t S a ta n is p re tt d o n
You h a v e y freaky. e to G o d - f o r th e
to b e li e v e we d o e a c h b a rl l1
b e li e v e in J in S a ta n if y o u 'r e go o th e r.
e s u s. ing to
LANEY. H o
w come?
MARIBEL.
B e c a u s e if
w o u ld n 't h it w e r e n 't
ave fo r S a ta n , th e n
h a d to d ie Je su s
LANEY. I th
ought Jesus o n th e c ro ss
d ie d fo .
MARIBEL.
S a ta n r m y si n s, n o t fo r Sata
is si n . S a ta n.
LANEY. So n is o ri g in a
m y si n c o l s in .
MARIBEL.
m e s fr o m S a ta n . T
Why? h a t' s c o o l.
LANEY. C a
u se th a t m e
B la m e h im a n s S a ta n is
. re s p o n s ib le fo r m
MARIB E L
y sins.
. N o , th a t's n o t h o w
LANEY. W e
ll th e n e x p it works.
d o e s n 't m a la in it to m
ke a n y se n se e , because y
MA . o u r re ligion
RIB E L. It 's y o u r re li g io
LANEY . n to o .
I d o n 't b e li e v e
MARIBEL Y in S a ta n .
o u h a ve to
Jesus. b e li e v e in S a ta n , if y o u
b e lie ve in
 Citoo10:n
55
clloOK ED
Scene l'e11
IEtisE. is in ti., liu;ng too,,, . ·nsult you. You should n't lie to
~ ' 'reading the
enters a,uJ sits do,,,,, .,, ti., ot hp.,J
ig,,,,,,"g h,,- l/l{)ther. Sh,,/li•s II, he,- Sl<J, 'f,,.
1 didn't mean to 1
~aribe l all the time:
' embarrassing.
Talking about sex all the time-
-~· You re "b 1 needs someo ne to talk about
no~ J'lloin'
LANEy_ No. Want the funnies? 'fJ rough her
l!UsE. You ~y .,r 11 clearly Man e
f,1..IS£. VY e_
se1' wi th· . ds God I can't believe you told
~ -Talking about peno . .
l!UsE. You Used to find the funnies ti,
1.er I didn't. F that I should n't have sat'd th at. But
working on? nny. W!i., a,, Yoo 11
.
f.LISE- I'mh ld 't have told Maribe l that you kissed Quen-
sorry, or .
LANEv. None of your bllsiness.
you s ou n
l!UsE. If it's none of my business Why'd tin Compson, Christ.
ta bi·g deal That's the kind of stuff people
. to Work
•lairs on it? • )'Ou con,, do"n. ,
1,1\NEY· Its no ·
. are supposed to lie about.
lANEv. rm tired of Illy room. Jneed a new creative ensron.
ment · £LISE, You shouldn 't lie about your Dad.
Ei.rsE. You Want to SJ>end time With me. LANEY· God! You make me sick.
lANEv. No.
ELISE, What's new?
LANEY, I can't believe how you got all weepy over Dad like
Ei.rsE. You Want to read Your new story to me. that, like he was your long lost love or someth ing.
l.\NEy_ No, I don't I don't even have a new story. If I had a EUSE. Your Dad is my long lost love.
new story, I WOuldn 't need a new envfronment. LANEY. You're divorci ng him. He doesn't get to be your
El.JsE. I think you want an audien ce.
long lost love.
LANEv. God! If )'Ou 're gonna be like that I'll go. ELISE. Who says?
El.JsE. You don't have to go.
I.ANEY. Me. You don't get to be sad.
(LANF;y sl,ays.)
ELISE. Laney, if you haven't noticed, I've been sad. I am
£1.JsE. So how's Maribe l? sad. I will be sad. Deal with it.
LANEv. She 's fine. LANEY. You don't have any right to be sad. You divorced him.
EI.JsE. Are you two still an itern? ELISE. I know. I'm a monste r.
LANEv. Yes. LANEY, You said, till death do you part.
EI.JsE. Still lesbian lovers? EUSE. We did not say till death do you part.
LANEv. God! LANEY. Yes, you did.
ELISE. We got married by a man in an Elvis suit. We didn't
ELlsE.Just kidding ! I'rn kidding. Sit.
say till death do you part.
LANEv. Why do you h ave to be like tha t? LANEY. But that's what marriage means!
ELlsE. Like what?
ELISE. What would you have me do, Laney, what?
LANEv. All nice to my friends, like you 're a cool Mom or LANEY. You shouldn 't have sent him away.
someth ing, and then insult rne in front of them. ELISE. One, is_he
__ aharm • h e a h arm
_ . to himself?. Yies. T.J. wo, IS
 56 C
~OQI{Eo 57
olloOKED
LANEY. He never hurt me.
I' I'm
ELISE. No, he didn't. And do you k r was the dreamer. m not.
now ,vi1Y? 13eca fhat's because pete t's why he was the theorist, and
made sure that he didn 't
~ e practical one. 'fh~hat was the difference ~etween
LANEY. He wouldn't have hun me. 1ise I
•n the trenches, k 'th the pracucal one.
EUsE. Not Peter, no. But Lhe disease very . 1US·was 1 got stuc WI 1
I'rn sorry that you I don't believe in giving peop e
.
Would have. Did. eas1 1y c u d have. , who I am. . .
lANEY. I'm fine. 0 1 5ut th at s d 't believe in telhng hes.
false hope . I . on. there. You can get him. out.
EUsE. You 're fine? y0 u put h1rn 10
lANEY. Yes. ~-W:as he a harm to you?
Ef.JSE-
EUsE. Let me list all of the ways you are not fine 0 J,ANEY· No. . ,
lANEY. Not your freaking lists! £LISE- Did he ever put you m harm.
· Ile .. .
ELISE. You can barely sleep through the night. Two LANEY· ~o. wake you up in the middle of the night
£LISE, Did he ever . ;>
can ,t even Stand up Straight, because the muscles
, )'ou
in waving a kitchen knife.
your back are in a constant state of tension. Three LANEY· He was trying to protect me.
you've decided to become a holiness lesbian. ' ELJSE. He thought he was Abraham. He thought you were
lANEY. I knew this was about that. ..
Isaac.
EUsE. Four. You have created a delusional relationship with J..ANEY. He was trying to protect me!
a grossly immature sixteen year old who thinks she has ELISE. He thought God was telling him to sacrifice his
invisible stigmata!
LANEY. She told you? child.
I,ANEY. He wouldn't have hurt me. Ever.
ELISE. Yes, she told me.
ELISE. No. But his delusions almost did.
LANEY. It's not delusional.
LANEY, You could have tried something else.
ELISE. Okay, Laney, okay. You and Maribel are in love. Go EUSE. I tried everything. And then he walked into your
write it in your memoirs. The coming of age of a holi- bedroom with a knife.
ness lesbian ...
LANEY. You didn't try everything.
LANEv. Don't do that/
ELISE. What?
ELISE. I did. I tried everything, and then he walked into
your bedroom with a knife. Don't you think I want
LANEY. Don't make fun of me! him back? Don't you know that I would have rather
ELISE. Laney, I've got to take a break. I can't go another lost him to cancer or a car accident, a forest fire, a gas
round with you today. Can we take a break? leak, spontaneous combustion, the plague, anything
LANEY. No! other than this? Do you know how horrible it feels to
know that that body, that beautiful body, that laid next
EI.JSE. What do you want from me?
to me all those years is in the world, that it's in the
LANEY. Dad understood my writing. He never ma~e fun of world, looking just like him but not him. Something
me. He said I would win the Nobel Prize for literature else entirely.
someday.
LANEY, You didn't try everything. If you really wanted him
back, you would have prayed.
6---_
 59
58 CR. ook ED c1tO OKE D
t? To th
llllSL I would have pray ed. Gre at To Wha sce ne Ele ven
• •an,,
God that was telling hitn to slit you r throat?
IANEY. If you really wan ted him bac k,
You would h (LANEY tries to revise her first story. She
speaks to the
he
pray ed to God for him to get bett er, and , becau,;
' 'Ou~~•
But you don't, cause you don 't believe in Goo
audience.) ons .
don 't pray 's ban ds sme lled like gun sho t and lem
you 're too sma n to believe in God. So you 1..,1\NEY· E rnes l
he's sittin~
and you hav en't trie d everything, and so No,
he use d to eat
ther e waiting for you in everlasting helll The y sme lled like lem ons bec aus e
again. t in his mo uth
ELISE. Don 't you eve r talk to me like that lemons like oran ges. He' d plac e the frui
ned his lem on-
LANEv. Why the hell not? and pee l it with his teet h, whi le he man
£Us£. BecaUse it makes you sou nd like
a crazy person. ade stan d. No.
t and lem ons ,
Ern est's han ds sme lled like gun sho
ning his gun s.
because he ate the yell ow frui t, whi le clea
h and pee l off
He' d plac e the lem ons betw een his teet
. .. that . ..
the bitt er skin. The ... the bitt er skin that
ate the sou r
Ern est's han ds sme lled like lem ons . He
er skin with his
frui t like oran ges. He' d pee l the bitt
He' d litte r his
teet h and spit it out on the gro und .
At the lem on-
shoes with yellow lem ony bits and piec es.
re the chil dren
ade stan d. At the lem ona de stand whe
do it. The y
line d up, they line d up and wat che d him
The y wat che d
wat che d him do it .. .The y wat che d ...
while he pull ed out his gun ...
y sme lled like
Ern est's han ds sme lled like lemons. The
lem ons, beca use ...bec ause ...
to his mou th
My father. My fath er wou ld put a lem on
and eat it like an oran ge.
~
L ~ ,• ·. ,I_
2 ,'-, f
_,_r
·r .r _,
·.
' 'i A_ ;j
60 6\
C ll o o K E D cii..oo~ED
Scene Twelve t,J" yo~ \i\
"1iU\ rnY Motn?
'
<.e in \o' ' ~ o w w he n sh
(L
ha
at,e a,
t night. In the living room LA ~-~ ~ o . l )ust ~ n t to
e' s coniing noin•·
·. ve b d · .L ·
em mi.Kutg w .
NEY
ine. ~ ,i ,a t< < •
y1 ti an. dl··"
'
,,,., ho ld up 41.,_
LANEY. l th o J
ieir glass"l\ll\ti. , i,i!O },\,\lUl'f.L'S
\P~ ~ • ~
• K,
ught th e w in g!lJSS, w,1'1-
bl oo d. e w as su pp os ed (\ fl ''- _, r_ Murs '17lore 1,1}1,rie
es.) 1..n full gl,
\lJ.,, a.SS before her. )
MA R IB E L O nl y
to turn into :>'. c()')'l,sideYS t,,,., . definite\Y
C at ho li cs th in
k th at . Df\ln\r-en11ess is a s1. n-
LANEY. S o yo u ju st d1 in k th e w in e an ~f l,
~ - -r- ne we w on 't g et d ru n k ,
~11c!i""5 hE' rJP'' ag . st -•• ntl\EL's and takes a
MARIBEL N o, d call it blo d~
we d o n 't d li n
LANE Y. \\Thy d o yo u d n•n k gr
k w in e. We dr
ap e ju ic e?
in k gr
0
ap
,
•. ••" ..,..--
e JU1ce.
MARIBEL B ec au se 1o1ig sip.)
dr in ki ng al co ho l is
LANEY. B ut Je su a sin. ~ f. 1 ,. L an e) '?
s d ra n k w in e.
MARIBEL. I kn ~ .Y e a h ?
ow . B u t th ey ~fl,. l
th en . d id n 't ha ve pu re w thin\r- l al re ad y
ater back arn-
LANEY. \\That? IJ.NEY· p..lread)' what?
MARIBEL T h e w ?,{AlUBfl,. D ru
at er in B ib nk -
T h at's why th ey li ca l tim es . It was contam
h ad to dr in k w inated. ~ . M e to o .
LANEY. W he re ine. (They eru,pt into
di d yo u he ar th a fit of giggles. )
at? MAIU
MARIBEL. I d
o n 't know. BU .. You w an t to \rJ lO W so m et
LANEY. Well hi ng ?
if Je su s co ul d tu m
LA
MARNEY·IBWhat?
h e ju st ha ve de th e water in to w EL· l' m go in g
co nt am in at ed ine, couldn't to as k J, la rc
th e water? us if h e w an ts to,
MARIBEL. I d ch ur ch with g o to
o n 't know. I gu
LANEY. I m ea
ess. U,NEll.1M you m e ne)(.t week\
n, th e fa ct sa id h e di dn 't go
th at Je su s chose to tu m th l,IAlllBEL- H an ym or e,
in to wine, ra th e water e do es n' t. T ha .~
er th an ju st de co
t's whY l' m g o n n a
th at dr in ki ng al nt am in at in g it, L!\NEY, l do n' t ask h im ,
co ho l is no t a si proves thin\r.. th at 's a go
MARIBEL. M n. od id ea .
aybe. M MNE
LA UBY· 'EL·
LANEY. H er e,
he re . WW elhy
l ifnoh et?w an te d to go to ch U « h , h e w ou
(LANEY takes a big g;ulp.
alread y \m ow s ab ld . H e
MARIBEL follow
ou t Jesus an d ever
s suit.) ything.
M A R IB EL 'W MAJUBEL l
he n is Elise co m l...,\NEY, So why
\<. nO W .
LANEY. I do n'
in g home? do you w an t to
t know. ask hi rn ?
M A R IB EL Y M,\}UBEL You
ou said sh e' d be he know.
LANEY. Sh e w re. U N £' i• N o.
ill be. Sh e ha d so
MAR IB EL
m e work thing to go ~ E L - You
know.
. Y ou th in k sh e' d le t m to.
w he n she ge e F re nc h twist ~ - N o l do
n' t.
ts
in a F re nc h twis
ba ck ? I th in k he r hair would he r hair ?,VJUhi»E
ll\l-lo
Yok in
ou sagid
a t
look good he was th e na rr at or. Y ou
t. me. said yo u saw
tt·
..
.
 ~
62
63
C1too1n:n cv.ooKED
I.ANEY. Oh.
" ~J
. ? T-1 • ng a cocktail party are you?
MARIBEL. \\"Ith longing in his eyes. I think he"""- f,!JSf- Nothing naVl
. t .,,king communi. on.
ask him. I'm going to do it Monday, after SChoirn e to ~f.l.- We were JUS .,..
(f>ause)
o. flJSf- communion?
I.ANEY. I don't think you should. ..otBf.l.- Uh huh-
WU--. We just wanted to see what it taSted '
~
MARIBEL \.\Thy not? like.
L ey said that since Jesus chose to turn the
I.ANEY. Well, I might've been wrong. ~ .• omEL, ·ntoan wi·ne instead of decontam.inaung
. the water,
MARIBEL. \.Vhat do you mean? water 1
then drinking alcohol isn't a sin.
LANEY. I might've been wrong about him lo k'
lik·e thaL £LISE- 1..,aney said that?
I mean, he was looking at you andO everyth·
ing at you
but there might not have been longing in his eyes.Ing,
MAJUBEL· Uh huh.
EUSE. Maribel, you shouldn' t believe everythin g Laney
MARIBEL. But you said ...
says. Haven't you learned that by now? To bed. Both of
I.ANEY. I know. That's what I thought at the time, but now you. Right now.
that I think about it again, I could've been wrong.
MARIBEL. Were you lying again? (pause)
LANEY- Okay, but we have to say our prayers first. Maribel?
LANEY. No! I wasn't lying. But you know it's really hard to
know what people are thinking sometimes. They might MARIBEL Yeah?
be thinking one thing, but look like they're thinking LANEY, We have to say a prayer.
somethin g else. Like maybe Marcus wasn't looking at ELISE. Laney, stop it.
you with longing in his eyes. Maybe he was looking at a LANEY. You know a prayer, right?
girl standing behind you.
MARIBEL. I know lots of prayers.
MARIBEL Was there a girl standing behind me? LANEY. Then say one.
LANEY. I don't know. Maybe. I can't remember . (pause) EUSE. l said to bed\
Don't get upset! I don't think there was a girl behind
(MARIBEL and LANEY kneel.)
you. I really do think he was looking at you all long-
MARIBEL- Now I lay me down to sleep,
ingly, but just in case, maybe you shouldn't ask him to
church right away. Just give him some time. Let him I pray the Lord my soul to sheep.
\ make the first move. I said sheep.
MARIBEL You think he will? (MARIBEL erupts with laughter.)
LANEY. I think he definitely might. ELISE, (to u\NEY) Why are you doing this?
\
(MARIBEL swwly smil.es. They clink glasses again and LANEY- I'm not doing anything.
cters. ' ELISE-You're doing this intentionally.
ELISE. What's going on here? LANEY- \IIThat?
ELISE, Making me crazy!
(LANEy and MARIBEL try to hide their glasses.) ,
~EY.1 can't make someone crazy• 1 er
E' th ey re crazy or
th ,
LANEY. Nothing. they re not. ,
 65
64
CR.ooKED
. cllooKED (J
:~
ELISE. You know what I m ean. believing in God. You can't
' l(.e rne stop
LANEY. Maribel, finish your prayer. you can t rna . e that.
t»~nuol rnY mind hk ntrol your mind, but I am put-
MARIBEL. Okay. The lord is my shepherd I do ~v • g lO CO
He maketh me to sheep in i:rreen p not wanL l't1l not trytfl .
o· as tures. £1,lSf,. to all of thtS,
(She can't stop giggling.) g a stop
00
~ - N, 11 of what? All of your lying and l esb'1an1sm
·
ELISE. Alright. Prayers are finished. To bed. I
£1,IS& N, 11 of your
.
drama
yers It stops right now.
LANEY. That's not the end of the prayer. Is that and bedurne pra .
the prayer, Maribel? I.he enct of You can't stop who 1 am. .
MARIBEL No. ~- .rving to stop who you are, but I am going to
~,~t:. l'rn
~· k not ...ber honest with yourself. With . everyone.
LANEY. It's not the end of the prayer. rna e you
ELISE. You are on thin ice, young lady. ~fAIUBEL- You're a lesbian?
LANEv. ~ - No. No, I'm not.
bed.Finish the prayer, Maribel. And then we'll go to E,LlSE, But you told me that you were a holiness lesbian.
ELISE. Fine. Finish the praye1~ and then you 'II go to bed,
That's what you said, isn't it?
and then you'll be grounded for a month. MARJ.BEL, A holiness lesbian?
LANEY. Fine. Maribel? LANEY• That's not troe.
MARIBEL Lo, though I walk through the pasture of death. I FllSE. Were you lying?
feed no evil, for thou art with me ... LANEY- No.
LANEY. For thou an with me. FllSE. Well, are you lying now?
MARIBEL I feed no evil. No evil is fed by me. LANEY, No.
ELISE. Which is it, Laney? Were you lying to me earlier, or
LANEY. No evil is fed by me. Thank you, Jesus.
EIJSE. Stop it, Laney. are you lying to Maribel now?
LANEY. (to MARIBEL) Go on. (pause)
LANEY. Maribel, my Mom thinks you're poor and stupid
MARIBEL At the table of my enemies, you feed us sheep.
LANEY. You feed us sheep! and craq.
ELISE. That's enough. MARIBEL- You do?
MARIBEL You feed the sheep us. ELISE, Laney!
LANEY. You said we could finish the prayer. MARIBEL-You said that about me?
I.ANEY, Yes. My Mom thinks you're stupid and crazy and
MARIBEL. Us, the sheep, you feed !
that your religion is a pile of shit.
ELISE. Maribel, will you please shut-up!
EUSE, Laney, shut your mouth!
LANEY. You can't tell my friend to shut-up! . MARIBEL-You think that?
ELISE. God-damnit, Laney! I've had enough of ~ou. All th•s F.I.JSE. No.
stops right now. All the histrionics and hissy fits. All LANEY· Yes, you do. Don't lie.
the hand-raising and pramng
• . out to th e Lord· It stops
right now.
 66 67
~ Cloo kED ctloO KED
~.
ELISE l' I. "
111 not )'Ing. xou are way Ot1t . . h t see. Maribel, you
.
or <onlto] t? 'fh1s 1s w a 1
lady. & J-loW could 1 no
LANEv. You said it. , Yot111
~~gu st me, h room to another section of the
ELISE. I never said yourr eligio n Was a . EY runs out of t e the front porch. EUSE
p11e of Shit \, h fl
, ....,..... "
-•« . •au s.u
'd h
s e was stupid and <>azy. Don• : '">lib,1. ~
house, per i
I aps to her room or
EL sitting on t e oar,
crying and
MARIBEL. Did you say that? the. brief moment then chooses to
ks down at MARlB
ELlsE. No. loO k' She hesitates for a '
UNE:v. Don't lie! sha ing. . d hter.)
ritn after her aug . on MARIBEL in the living
L' hts remain r,
EL!sE. I said, I said ... ( just don't agree .th (Split scene.ly dis i~ d She rubs her palms togethe .
tresse · • She rubs her hands agains t
that's all. '~ Yau, beUer., room, deeP p .
. t rid of the am.
UNE:v. She thinks you'r e a bad influe nce on rn ge .r. ything to uet rid of the pain. • Shak-
.~trying
fl ar.to the s01a, an
i11e o ' .
e,
her h ds upwards to release the pain, ut
b
EL!sE. I thoug ht that at ficsL But I don't think e. ing, she lifts an
MARIBEL. You tlunk
. I'm a bad influe nce? so anyrnore · it does not wark.)
LANEv. Tell her she's stupid ! You are none of those things to me. You
EUsE. No! f.LlSE. Laney, b aby· . .
are none of those thmgs penod .
. .
LANEY. That' s what she Said about you, Maribel. She •aid LANEY• This is what I see.
'.re stupid . And fat. And lazy.
you ELISE. Look at me. We are just havin g a rough ume
nght
EUsE. Marib el, I never said any of those things ... now, but you are none of those things to me.
LANEY- But that's what you really think, isn't it? You
think
L\>my_ She think , you'c e gcoss]y lmmatuce. She think,
you'r e borde rline retard ed! I'm unrea listic. You think I'm delus ional! You think
ELISE. Shut your mouth ! I'm gonna end up like Dad.
WSE. No, you are dead wrong .
LANEv. She said if you were her daugh ter, she'd divorce
LANEY. Don't lie.
you! She said she'd lock you in the attic, where you
would grow old and mad and hump backe d and alone WSE. I don't think that.
foreve r. That' s what they do to peopl e like us. They LANEY. Don't lie to me!
lock us in attics so no one ever has to see us or talk
to ELISE. Okay. Listen to me. Some times I'm
afraid you
us or look at us ever again. Look at how disgusting we might inheri t your father 's illness. But you know what,
are! Look at me! Look at me and tell me how disgus
t- Laney, that's all it is. Fear. Stupid , insidi ous fear. And
ing I am, how disgu sting and hump backe d and mad, I'm so sorry I let it creep into this house . I'm so very
mad, mad I'll always be! Tell me! sorry, becau se where I truly see your father in you is
EUSE . Laney , baby ... in your creativity. In your b1illiance. I believe you are
LANEY. Say it. going to accomplish great things . But I can't promi se
ELISE. No . everything is going to be okay in twenty years or even
tomorrow. The truth is terrible things have happe ned
LANEY. Say it! to us. Terrible things will come again . We can't know
ELlsE. No. How can you think that? what they ,~ll be. !he only thing I can promise you is
that there 1s nothm g, nothin g, nothin g in the world
that would ever make me leave you.
..... ;c;,-~::,, ~
 69
cttooKED
68 CROOKED
p1tOPf.RTY LIST
LANEY. How do you know?
Notebook
ELISE. Because
I'm your mother. pen or pencil
I.ANEY. No. How can you really know? 2 Lunch bags with food items (optional)
Backpack
(Lights up on MARIBEL, still shaking and crying, the Messenger bag
pain unbearahl.e. She picks up the wine corkscrew from Various textbooks and binders (optional)
thefl,001: ) Bag of groceries with carton of cigarettes
4 Sprite Cans
ELISE. Because ... I have a love for you that surpasses all
2 Flashlights
understanding. Cake
(MARIBEL impales her hand with the corkscrew. The 4 Wine glasses
b'lood flows. A wave of reluf) 2 Bottles of wine
Wine substitute
(Mother and daughter embrace. MARIBEL remains on Empty pizza box
the floor, blading and awne.) Folded piece of paper
Sunday paper
(Light go down.) Corkscrew
Stage blood
The End
...