Camb 15_03

Hard working is considered by some parents as the major factor of success, hence
they teach their children to work a lot in order to receive (achieve) anything in the
future. However, supporting and motivating young people using this method may have
both benefits and drawbacks on them. This essay will elaborate pros and cons of this
approach.
To embark with, there are several reasons, why parents favor given children this
message. First, elder generations wants to teach young people the importance of
hardworking. As a result, anyone may have understanding how hard it is to reach
success before they become adult. Moreover, this method may be effective to motivate
and support children to work harder, make improvement and study more, as it is
considered as a main way to be successful. (Missing clarity and justification i-e did
not mentioned the topic sentence)
On the other hand, encouraging children for working hard using this message may
have negative consequences on both mental and physical health of young person. For
instance, if children work hard they may have insufficient time for playing and
communication with friends and peers, which definitely woud affect communicational
skills. Meanwhile, the organism of children are still growing, thus they are not able to
work for long time and hard, for this reason they become exhausted quickly, which may
effect on physical development of children. Finally, there are a number of alternative
ways to motivate children to reach a success such as improving communication skills or
enhancing logical ability, which would be less harmful for young people than working
hard.
To sum up, there is no doubt that hardworking is a key of to success, and delivering
it to children would be useful. However, parents should employ alternative methods to
increase understanding of young people about the ways for high achievement.
WORDS: 291
TIME: 36 mins
Improvement:
Repetition of success, young, children, hard
Bands score: 6.5

The pie chart display the major areas, where anthropology students start to work
after graduation, while table illustrates their salary distribution after five years in terms of
three sectors. Looking from the all perspective, it is clear that, the significant part of
students finds a full time work, when they leave university, while the most of them have
a high income (in Government sector) after five years.
To begin with, more than half of anthropology students immediately receive a full
time work (52%), while the remaining 15% have a part-time job. The proportion of
students, who continued to study, is 8%, meanwhile 12% of fresh graduates struggled
with finding a work place.
In terms of salary, only 5% of graduates, who practiced freelance, earned less than
50000 USD, while 40% of them have income more than 100000 USD. Government
sector shows similar behavior, except slightly higher proportion of people, at 50%, who
received highest salary. A percentage of employees with salary less than 50000 USD
comprise of 10% of total, while significantly lower number, at 30%, compared to other
two categories receive more than 100000 USD.
WORDS: 181
TIME: 30 mins
Improvement:
Repetition of students, work, salary,
Bands score: 6.5