The given table illustrates how the quantity of workers and factories involving in silk

production changed over the 50 years starting from 1851. In general, total number of
employees dropped dramatically, while there were a significant increase in the number
of factories.
Examining the details, there were slightly more than 130 thousand workers in silk
factories, however the number decreased sharply to around 39000 by 1901. By
contrast, the figure for factories began at 272 in 1851, after that, the number rocketed to
761 in 1861. Then factory numbers fluctuated between 600 and 700 for the next 40
years.
In terms of gender distribution among employees in silk factories, in 1851, slightly
greater number of women than men were involved in silk production, at approximately
77 and 55 thousands respectively. However, the figure for female fall almost three times
by 1901, similarly there was fourfold decrease in the number of male workers.
Interesting that, women outnumbered men in silk production throughout the entire
period and the figure for female was twice as a number of male worked in factory in
1901.
WORDS: 181
TIME: 18 mins
Improvement:
Repetition: factories, silk (fiber, thread), number,
Bands score: 7

The bar chart compares the distribution of people visiting cinema in three different
years in terms of weekdays in one European country. It is clear that, Saturday was the
most popular day to go to the cinema in all three years, while people less preferred to
watch movies from Monday to Thursday.
Examining the details, the largest proportion of visitors cinema had on Saturday and
this number were almost equal for three years, at around 45%. The less crowded days
in the cinema were from Monday to Thursday, and the figure varied between 8 to 20%
depending on the years. In fact, in 2003, Monday was the less (least) popular day to
visit cinema, at 10%, while in 2005, the lowest number of people came to cinema on
Thursday. In 2007, it was Wednesday, when cinema had the lowest quantity of clients,
at around 8%.
Interestingly, the proportion of people, who enjoyed movie in the cinema, was
exactly equal on Friday for all periods. Moreover, Sunday was the second largest day to
visit cinema, and the figure stood at around 32% in three years.
WORDS: 182
TIME: 18 mins
Improvement:
Repetition: people, cinema,
Only 2 transitional phrases are used
Bands: 6.5