Idol

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/48593602.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: Stray Kids (Band)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Bang Chan/Lee Felix (Stray
Kids), Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Characters: Han Jisung | Han, Lee Minho | Lee Know, Bang Chan (Stray Kids), Lee
Felix (Stray Kids), Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin, Kim Seungmin
(Stray Kids), Yang Jeongin | I.N
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Idols, Idols, Fanboys - Freeform, fanboy!Jisung,
Idol!Minho, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Changbin Chan
and Jisung being fanboys, 3racha being besties, Pining, Obsession,
Strangers to Lovers, Minho Felix and Hyunjin as idols, First Time Blow
Jobs, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Loss of Virginity, Power Imbalance,
Crying, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, Dry Humping, thigh
riding, Handcuffs, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Hurt/Comfort,
Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort,
Homophobic Language, Closeted Character, Angst, Fluff and Angst,
Angst with a Happy Ending, Hate Sex, not beta read we die like men,
Fluff, Body Worship, Service Top, Ambiguous/Open Ending
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-07-15 Completed: 2023-07-28 Words: 61,466 Chapters:
10/10
 Idol
by zhyixingie

Summary

Other people have boyfriends or girlfriends. Han Jisung had his bias - and that was fine by
him.

In which fanboy!Jisung finally meets his idol - Lee Minho - and gets the y/n moment of his
dreams, plus so much more.

Notes

This was far too fun to write, I'm really excited about this fic!

This first chapter has a lot of information, and goes kind of quickly through a lot of things,
but it needed the set up to get into the actual story - so I hope you enjoy this lead up to the
next chapters!

TW/CW in this chapter for anxiety, social anxiety

Update: hihi I am currently editing a handful of my fics to send to publishers/agents

INCLUDING THIS ONE, so of you're interested in seeing this fic or any of my writing get
published perhaps bookmark/subscribe to this fic or my profile cause I will update yall if
anything gets picked up!!

Hi I finally made a twitter so people can follow me somewhere that's not ao3:) follow me!
 Chapter 1

Other people have boyfriends or girlfriends. Han Jisung had his bias - and that was fine by
him.

When he was diagnosed with anxiety at seventeen years old, his therapist recommended him
finding a hobby - like journaling, knitting, drawing, going for walks or going out with friends
- to distract him during times of high anxiety. But, Jisung was a shy high school student, he
wasn’t about to get a gym membership or spend a bunch of money on a random hobby he
probably wouldn’t even keep up with. But, he agreed having something to distract from the
voices screaming in his head and panic at the most simple of daily tasks would be helpful.

That was when he found Stray Kids.

It was an idol group - something he really wasn’t interested in at all to begin with. He had a
few girl friends throughout school who were into idols or groups throughout their middle
school and high school years - he’d even downloaded a few songs, but he never understood
their squeals of excitement or frantic whispers as they crowded around their phones to look at
whatever new photo or video dropped of their faves. He thought the idols they loved were all
kind of girly looking - with their makeup and flamboyant outfits, showing off their thin
waists or muscular arms. He just didn’t really get it.

But, the three-member group, Stray Kids, caught his attention when he was scrolling
YouTube, looking for something to watch as he had completely wiped out his subscriptions
‘to watch’ list. He noticed a thumbnail pop up with probably the most handsome person he
had ever seen in his life. His finger danced over it, hesitating for a moment before clicking on
the music video for “Wow.”

And yeah - ‘wow’ was definitely a way to describe it.

Jisung spent the entire night with his phone an inch from his face, curled up in his bed, barely
breathing as he wiped through their entire, very small, discography and video selection.

He just wanted to know their names.

Yeah, he just wanted to know who the guys were who were making such good music.

Great music.

Jisung loved the music.

He definitely wasn’t absolutely head over heels in love with one of the boys in the group.

Absolutely not.

Jisung was straight - he didn’t find boys cute, nope, nope, nope.
He found out their names were Felix, Hyunjin, and Minho - and they were a group of dancers
that had debuted as idols. They were only a few years older than him - which definitely didn’t
make his pulse rate speed up, absolutely not - and only had a debut album and a single EP
out. Jisung was finding them when their videos only had a few thousand views - before
anyone had found out about them.

It made Jisung feel special - made him feel like he had found his own secret thing.

Maybe this was what his therapist was talking about - something fun to distract him.

And boy did it distract him.

It became his main coping mechanism as he finished up high school and cruised through
college. When he felt overwhelmed walking the halls or on campus, hating the feeling of eyes
on him or the press of bodies, always too close to him - he always turned to Stray Kids.

His parents got him noise canceling headphones when his therapist had explained to them
about his social anxiety - and now, he would pull them from his neck over his head and blast
the same songs over and over and over again. He found his pulse slowed down, letting him
go to places he was always anxious about - the store, a new building on campus, to office
hours to ask his professors questions so he wouldn’t fail out of university.

When he had a bad day, his first, comforting thought was going home or to his dorm to lay
down and binge the new vlogs, videos, or lives his favorite boys had put out. He would pull
on his comfiest hoodie, snuggle down in bed and giggle to himself as he watched through his
endless playlists.

His college roommate was cute about his boy band obsession - telling him to hang up his
posters even if they were “lame” and giving him the extra bookshelf their university gave
him for Jisung to be able to display more albums, magazines, lightsticks, and other merch he
had hoarded over the years. Jeongin would smile and nod along to Jisung’s ramblings -
whenever he got excited, he just felt like he had to tell someone about it, or he would
explode. Jeongin even let Jisung take over his aux often so he could play his music whenever
they were lazing around the dorm.

Jeongin eventually got a boyfriend - Seungmin - who would come over nearly every day who
Jisung also befriended pretty easily. Seungmin also thought Jisung was cute - comparing him
to his sister and her love of boy bands - named Shinee. Jisung nearly squealed when
Seungmin admitted he had heard of Stray Kids, and even had a few of their songs
downloaded.

They had more than a few nights where Jisung would set up his TV and show them all of the
music videos, dance practices, and cute videos he had saved. Jisung would curl up in his bed,
pulling his blanket up to his chin to hide his absolute face-splitting grin as Seungmin and
Jeongin pointed out what they liked.

“Who’s your favorite?” Seungmin asked one day, a few weeks into knowing his boyfriend’s
roommate. “Like, who’s your bias?”
“Oh,” Jisung hummed noncommittally. “I like all of them - I’m ot3.”

“Nah,” Seungmin laughed, shaking his head. “Even when people say that, they always have a
favorite.”

Jisung never told anyone his favorite member - he didn’t want anyone to see into his little
bubble he had constructed around himself and the boy. The parasocial relationship with the
member who had kept him going the last few years. Sure, he was aware it was probably
unhealthy, he was aware that parasocial relationships were toxic and bad.

But, it didn’t keep him from giggling to himself whenever the oldest member went live -
pretending he was on facetime or something with him. He saved every single one of his
selfies, set his “boyfriend photos” as his phone background, and made it his goal to know
every single there there was to know about him.

Because Lee Minho was perfect.

He was everything Jisung had ever wanted - in a partner (cause, yeah, Jisung had finally
admitted he was gay - or, at least pansexual, or just Minhosexual), in a friend, and even in
himself.

As much as he knew his obsession with the other was unhealthy, he also couldn’t stop,
because his love for the other made him a better person too.

He would always think about how proud Minho would be of him for conquering his fear and
anxiety whenever he did something new, talked to a classmate, or worked through an anxiety
attack. He thought about how much the other discussed health and how important it was - and
how that was the reason Jisung started eating better and going to the gym more. He started
dressing better - inspired by the idol’s style - and most importantly, he worked hard at
university because Minho was in college too, and if he could do it and be an idol, then Jisung
could graduate, even if it was the hardest thing he’d ever done.

Sure, it was also why he would shyly look away whenever anyone was obviously flirting
with him, and why he found it difficult to make friends because the only thing he wanted to
talk about was Stray Kids. It was why he spent too much time on his phone - on instagram,
twitter and tiktok - and why he said “no” to plans more often than not. But, he thought that
was okay - cause Minho had helped him with so many other things.

It was only after he graduated that he finally debated if his coping mechanism had become a
problem - that his obsession with the three boys of Stray Kids was something he should be
trying to settle down with.

Because, while most people had put aside any interest in idols and kpop by the time they
were graduating high school or college, Jisung continued to obsess just as much even as he
moved into his new apartment and started his actual adult life.

When picking out his new housing he made sure there was a spot for his bookshelves so he
could display everything he needed to, and have a cute spot for all of his things to hang on
the wall above his desk. He ignored his parent’s judging looks as he decorated - this was his
apartment - his first ever apartment - he could do what he wanted here.

“We’re so proud of you, sweetie,” his mom smiled when she visited Jisung a few weeks after
he had settled into his little one bedroom in the middle of the city. “We just get worried about
you - especially with working from home… don’t you think you’ll get lonely not seeing
anyone?”

“Jeongin and Seungmin live like two minutes away,” Jisung laughed. He also had plenty of
friends online he talked to every day - not that his mom considered those ‘real friends.’

“Maybe you should get a cat, or maybe a dog,” she suggested with a shrug. “Something to
keep you company.”

Which was how Jisung ended up with Bbama - the second love of his life in the tiny package
of a little, fluffy white dog who loved Jisung more than life itself. Bbama was the perfect
companion - he got Jisung out of the house twice a day to breathe some real air, he sat with
Jisung while he worked, and cuddled with him at night. He was the main conversation starter
too - keeping Jisung’s anxiety at bay when he had people visit as they were so focused on the
puppy they couldn’t tell how nervous he was.

Because, Jisung did have to host people relatively often for being such a recluse.

Because, oh yeah, Jisung had become an incredibly successful author basically overnight.

He would never admit that his debut novel - the one that had absolutely taken off,
skyrocketing to the top of every book list - was a piece fanfiction. Everyone else just saw it
as the absolutely wonderful, inclusive, queer romance set in a world of dragons. He had
written it, hunched over his laptop, for nights and nights when he was supposed to be
working on finals.

The fans on his fanfiction account had gone wild over it - telling him how incredible of a
story it was, and how it should be published. Which, he wasn’t sure why, actually spurred
him to send it to a few publishing agents.

And now here he was, accidental author of a book written about Lee Minho and himself, able
to live comfortably from his book deal and press afterwards - working on editing a few of his
other works into publishable books as well.

But, with that, he constantly was having his managerial, publishing, and marketing teams
over - and it made him shake with anxiety every time. Bbama was truly a saving grace
whenever he fumbled over himself, trying to look as professional as a twenty-two year old
who wrote smut could possibly look.

“How did the Literature major actually manage to be more successful than us?” Jeongin
whined constantly - grumbling about how difficult it was to find a job, even with his degree
in engineering. Seungmin wasn’t faring much better with his economics major either.
“Maybe you guys shouldn’t have made fun of me so much for four years straight,” Jisung
snorted, rolling his eyes. “Maybe I could have given you tips or something on how to be
successful,” he grinned playfully as he leaned back, folding his arms behind his head as he
lounged back on his couch.

He had invited the two of them over mostly to show off his new desk set up - a brand new PC
he had put together himself, along with one of those cool gamer chairs that he must say,
really was very comfortable - but also make sure they had everything to take care of his dog
while he was away. Bbama was happily wriggling in Seungmin’s lap as the boy sat on the
ground, tossing the dog’s donut toy and clapping as he brought it back each time.

“How long are you out of town again?” Jeongin hummed, grinning as Bbama yapped happily
and Seungmin barked right back at him.

“Four nights,” Jisung confirmed.

Seungmin raised an eyebrow, “and you’re just going to those concerts? For five days? Jeez,
Ji.”

Jisung blushed slightly, snapping back at the other to hide his slight embarrassment, “you’re
just jealous you’re too poor to afford concerts and going to Japan.”

“Nah, I’m not jealous of your obsession,” Seungmin laughed.

Jisung hadn’t gotten to go to Stray Kids’ first tour - he was a poor college student without a
dime to his name, and had cried for two nights straight as the tickets went on sale and he
wasn’t able to even try to get one.

He had refused to get online for the first time ever - weeks going by as he ignored all of the
clips and fancams of his boys singing to people who weren’t him. He had never felt so
fucking empty in his life.

So, obviously, when they announced their Asia tour - three concerts between Korea and
Japan - he had decided he was going to go to all of them, even if it completely emptied his
wallet. His online friends had gotten tickets too - and even though his heart was absolutely
pounding as they booked hotels together (he wasn’t one for meeting new people in real life,
and somehow meeting people online in real life was even worse - he was terrified he
wouldn’t live up to their expectations of him), he couldn’t be more excited.

The two guys were boys he had been friends with for years at this point - online names being
SpearB and CB97 but who he now knew as Changbin and Chan - and they were just as
obsessed as him, and their shared obsession hadn’t gone away even as the years went by for
all of them. He knew the other two were even older than him - something he brought up
anytime Jeongin or Seungmin would poke fun at him for being such an “old” (he was 23 for
goodness’ sake!) kpop fan - and it made him happy to know he wasn’t weird for being a little
older.

Plus, now he had that good-good adult money to be able to spend on concerts.
He covered a lot of the hotel cost - knowing the other two didn’t make nearly as much as he
did - and even offered to help pay for their tickets so they could all be together, front row and
center, at each of the concerts.

It was going to be the best week ever - even though he would miss Bbama, and might have an
anxiety attack traveling by himself, it would all be worth it to see his boys.

No, Jisung wasn’t actually delusional enough to think he was going to have a “y/n moment”
with his faves - he really was excited just to be able to see them. He kept joking with Chan
and Changbin that he would probably cry - but it was a real fear at this point. Stray Kids had
helped him for so many years, with his anxiety, and getting through some of the hardest parts
of his life, and now he was finally going to get to see them in person.

He somehow felt like a mom - so incredibly proud of the three boys - but also a jealous
boyfriend about how many other people would be in the audience, feeling exactly like he did
about Stray Kids. He also felt like a little brother, just wanting a chance to tell the three of
them how much they had changed his life - how much he had done to make them proud.

And Minho better be fucking proud of him for somehow getting on a plane by himself and he
only felt like he was going to throw up twice the whole time.

And Changbin and Chan were absolutely wonderful - they were exactly how they were
online.

They grinned, waving and jumping up and down to get Jisung’s attention as he exited his
plane, eyes wide and flitting around, ready to jump out of his skin.

Jisung’s face broke into a grin when he saw the two of them - instantly recognizing the
shorter, bulky man from his constant gym photos he would send them, needing the two of
them to hype him up (“Hyunjin is literally going to love you,” “hell yeah he would absolutely
be a guy who loves muscles!!”), and Chan looked just as sweet and fluffy with his curly hair
and all-black ensemble.

He was absolutely surprised at the fact that he was taller than both of them.

He was crushed in their arms, both of them shouting his name and cooing at him as they
squeezed him so hard he was afraid he was going to break. “Yah!” He yelped, pulling away
and readjusting his bag, laughing at them. “You two are so short!” He grinned, putting a hand
to his forehead and waving it in front of him to show how he had at least an inch on Chan,
and even more on Changbin.

“I told you I was short,” Changbin huffed. He raised a hand, poking Jisung’s cheek with a
delighted squeal, “I’ve been wanting to do that for years.”

“I can’t believe it took us this long to all meet up,” Chan said, the smile never leaving his
face - he looked so squishy and cute, just as endearing as he always was on facetime with
Jisung.
“Oh, oh, oh! Ji! We wanted to show you!” Changbin yelled - his voice so damn loud, Jisung
was expecting it but wow - grabbing Jisung’s wrist and hauling him along. “Look!”

Jisung smiled shyly when he realized Changbin was pointing out a book - his book - in the
airport store.

“I already have a copy,” Chan said proudly.

Changbin picked it up, thrusting it into Jisung’s hands, “if I buy it, will you sign it?”

“Yah, why would you want me to sign it?” Jisung laughed, embarrassed.

“I could sell it for hella money,” Changbin smirked.

Jisung smacked him, already comfortable enough with the other to play with him.

They laughed and teased all the way to their hotel, where they gaped at the suite. Even Jisung
was surprised by how nice it was, but he didn’t know enough Japanese to question if they had
been upgraded or something.

Changbin immediately flopped down on the bed, sighing in contentment. It was a massive
bed - even bigger than a King - which was good since there is only one.

“Is this where we all fall in love?” Chan giggled, flopping down next to Changbin. “Classic
‘only one bed’ trope?”

“Jisung would know about that,” Changbin teased, grinning over at the youngest who
blushed at the reference to his book.

“Sorry, you two aren’t my type,” Jisung stuck his tongue out at them.

“Oh, we know,” they said in near unison, laughing as they turned to each other.

“We know exactly who your type is,” Chan said,

“Must we remind you of the literal analysis we get every single comeback on why Lee Minho
is the hottest person alive and why he would be the best fuck in the wor-”

“Shut up!” Jisung squealed, jumping onto the bed and pinning the other down, getting only a
laugh in response.

Chan watched the two of them play-wrestle for several minutes, knowing how much
Changbin was holding back considering Jisung seemed to be winning. “We really should get
ready soon,” he hummed, interrupting the two younger who looked over at him, panting
slightly.

“Oh yeah, line up starts soon,” Changbin said, sitting up easily as though Jisung wasn’t
leaning into him with all his weight. “I want to get there early.”
“Why?” Jisung asked, standing up and glancing at the two of them. “It’s seated - we don’t
need to get there early.”

“It’s fun!” Chan grinned. “Fans all go early and get to talk and do freebies and photocard
trading and stuff.”

“Plus everyone gets to walk around looking cute and hope the boys make a sudden
appearance,” Changbin swooned.

Jisung hated crowds - he was worried as it was about the concert, but was convinced he’d be
fine as long as he got to stare at Minho the whole time - but just being in crowds for the sake
of it sounded like his own personal hell. He swallowed thickly, not wanting to ruin the other
two’s fun as he nodded in agreement.

He tried to move as slowly as he could as he got ready, his stomach in knots.

Yeah, he wasn’t expecting a y/n moment, but he still tried really hard to pick out some nice
outfits - even impressing himself when he looked in the mirror as he finished up styling his
hair. The person looking back at him was completely different from the guy who never
brushed his hair, was too lazy for contacts so kept a gold rimmed pair of glasses on the bridge
of his nose, and wore hoodies and sweats every single day even in summer.

He had picked out a black and white tank top, layered over each other, a pair of tight, black
skinny jeans that accentuated his waist (his biggest asset according to Seungmin and
Jeongin), and a gray, plaid, cropped jacket. He parted his hair slightly down the middle,
trying to keep it a bit out of his face as it had gotten just slightly too long since his last cut.

He slid a silver necklace onto his throat and pushed a new pair of glasses onto his face (yah,
even Stray Kids couldn’t get him to try contacts - but these he had specifically picked out to
be cute and aesthetic with his outfits; a wide, more squared frame that took up a good portion
of his face. He liked hiding a bit behind his glasses, sue him). His shoes we his trustee
converse he wore everywhere, that gave him just a little extra height but were also comfy
enough to stand in for hours.

Chan and Changbin looked like they had tried just as hard - with their form fitting outfits that
showed off those muscles Jisung was so jealous of.

“What is that?” Jisung cooed, running over to rub the little sliver of skin Chan was showing
at his midriff. Chan squealed, trying to pull away from Jisung’s teasing hands, doubling over
to hide his stomach. “You’re such a slut!”

“He’s gotta impress Felix,” Changbin said with a smirk.

Jisung immediately turned his teasing to Changbin, grabbing at his bare bicep that was
probably bigger than Jisung’s entire head. “And what are you gonna do with these? Put
Hyunjin in a headlock?”

Changbin rolled his eyes at him, reaching around to slap Jisung on the ass, making him jump
slightly. “Could you have gotten tighter pants?”
“These aren’t even my tightest pair,” Jisung huffed.

Chan, ever a dad, ran through their list of necessary items in each of their bags - water, extra
batteries, lightsticks - and reminded them to clip their favorite photocards somewhere.

Jisung had nearly forgotten, needing to rifle through his bag for the photocard he brought
everywhere with him. It was from a few albums ago, when Minho had soft, blonde hair. He
was adorable, with a pink headband, and pink heart glasses balanced on top of his head, his
lips pressed out in a pout.

“Ah, of course, noot noot Minho,” Changbin nodded as Jisung returned with the photocard
securely in a little case, clipped to the loop of his jeans. “Good choice.”

“Should we have made signs?” Chan said suddenly, a look of anxiety crossing his face.

“No, Chan, we all agreed we weren’t going to be those assholes holding up signs in the front
row,” Changbin reminded him, instantly easing Chan’s tension from his shoulders.

During the short walk to the venue, Jisung got more and more anxious, fiddling with his bag
and ringing his hands together as he saw the stadium get closer and closer - more and more
people starting to surround him. Changbin and Chan didn’t even seem to notice as he fell
behind them, keeping close but ducking his head to hide behind his two friends. He refused to
let his anxiety ruin this day for him, but it was getting increasingly difficult to remember that
as they suddenly found themselves in the midst of all the people waiting to line up to enter.

“Are you okay?”

Jisung glanced up at Chan who had put a concerned hand on his shoulder.

“Oh, shit, Ji gets a lot of social anxiety, right?” Changbin said, suddenly realizing why the
youngest was so apprehensive about leaving early. “You should have said something, Ji.”

“I’m fine,” He said quickly, smiling at them to reassure them. “I just… yeah I don’t really
like crowds.”

Chan stepped toward him, settling by his side as though it was always where he was meant to
be. He looped his arm through Jisung’s, smiling at him, “I can be your bodyguard.”

“I can too!” Changbin yelled, getting on Jisung’s other side.

Jisung just shook his head as the two went back and forth to each other, pressing on their ears
and pretending to be secret agents. “You two are just treating me special cause I’m the
maknae of us,” Jisung pouted.

“Hell yeah,” Changbing grinned.

“Maknae on top,” Chan laughed, poking Jisung’s cheek until the younger smiled at him.

Luckily, the line formed pretty quickly, so they were able to get out of the swarm and into
some semblance of order pretty quickly. Jisung stayed back while Chan and Changbin
interacted with other fans - exchanging twitter handles and getting a vast array of little
bracelets people had made. They shoved a few on Jisung’s wrist, insisting he take some as
they had “way too many” and definitely not cause Jisung was too terrified to ask for any
himself.

“I like your outfits!” A girl called, waving at them when all three of their heads picked up.
“You look cute!”

“Thanks, you too!” Chan called back, waving a hand.

“Do you know her?” Jisung blinked.

“No, fans just always hype each other up,” Chan shrugged.

Jisung wished he could just be a normal fan - could just interact with people like a normal
person.

He felt much better after making it inside of the stadium, wriggling with excitement as he,
Chan, and Changbin found their seats.

“Holy shit!” Changbin yelled as they found their numbers.

“Fucking hell,” Chan stared, mouth hanging open.

“We’re so close!” Jisung squealed, jumping up and down in excited bounces in front of his
seat, leaning against the barricade just to see if he could touch the stage. His arms were far
too short, but still - they were going to be right there.

They were front row and center - the smaller, extended stage right in front of them.

“Take my photo,” Changbin insisted, handing Jisung his phone to take a photo showing just
how close their seats were. Jisung giggled as the other raised an arm, flexing his arm and
grinning goofily.

He turned the phone for another photo, moving so the three of them could smile into the
camera with various peace signs and winks.

“We’re so cute,” Jisung grinned down at the selfie.

“Send me that,” Chan hummed.

“Hyunjin, Felix, and Minho better think we’re cute too,” Changbin huffed as he shoved his
phone in his pocket. He glanced around for a few moments before leaning close to the other
two again, “do you think they might actually notice us? We’re the only guys around here.”

Jisung had noticed that too. Of course he knew most kpop fans were younger and were
usually girls - but he hadn’t been prepared to be surrounded by so many of them. He had only
seen a handful of other guys milling around when they were lined up, and from their seats he
couldn’t see any.
“Don’t get too hopeful,” Chan chuckled, shaking his head.

“Seriously though!” Changbin said, waving a hand around. “They might notice us just cause
we’re guys!”

“They’re not actually gay, ya know,” Chan sighed.

“Hey,” Jisung pointed an accusing finger at the oldest, “don’t assume their sexualities.”

“I’m just not as delusional as you two,” Chan joked, rolling his eyes. It was true - Changbin
and Jisung’s parasocial relationships were far worse than his with Felix. He always felt more
protective and brotherly toward the idol than the younger two with their idols. They all knew
he had a huge crush on the other Aussie, but was a little less vocal about it.

“I wouldn’t mind if Hyunjin just wanted to be besties,” Changbin shrugged.

“Listen,” Jisung said, tone serious, “if they are straight - they are the fruitiest straights I’ve
ever seen in my life-” Changbin bit back a laugh as Chan rolled his eyes, “-and you know
what they say about those fruity straights right? They’re like pasta - straight until they get
heated up.”

“Are you going to boil Minho?” Chan raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Chan, that’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Jisung huffed, sitting back down in his seat
with crossed arms.

“No, we know exactly what Jisung would do if he was in the same room as Minho,”
Changbin cooed teasingly.

“Yes, we’ve had it explained in great detail.”

“I am a writer, ya know,” Jisung cut in, “I’ve gotta be able to put images in your head.”

“Yeah, I don’t want them though,” Chan whined, “take them back.”

Jisung was feeling better, having his spot - feeling safe sitting there and knowing its where he
belonged. He also loved how well the three of them were getting along - after years of talking
online, it made sense, but Jisung had still been terrified.

He felt slightly left out when the two of them got up to go grab drinks before the concert
began, leaving Jisung to hum along with the music videos playing on the big screens, joining
in with the fanchants and feeling a little less like an outsider. His meds made it so he couldn’t
drink at all - he always felt a little lame with other people his age, but he also knew that Chan
and Changbin already knew about it, and had listened to him talk about his anxiety and
therapy for long enough.

It looked like a drink was really what Chan needed though, letting him break out of his shell
a little more. The oldest was screaming the fanchants as it got closer and closer to the time for
the concert to start, shaking his lightstick and standing up at one point to scream Felix’s
name. Jisung giggled to himself, glad the other seemed like he was going to have fun.
His stomach absolutely dropped, all the way down to his toes, when the lights went out
suddenly. Everyone started screaming - knowing what was going to start next.

Jisung jumped to his feet, eyes wide as he pressed himself against the barricade, eyes
searching for a hint of the boys - but the stage was still empty. The big screens were playing a
cute little VCR, introducing everyone to their concert and the concept of the tour. Jisung
thought it was a fun touch, but all he wanted was for it to start already - to get the knots
unwound from his chest.

“I’m gonna throw up,” Changbin yelled from beside him, looking just as nervous as Jisung
felt.

Jisung smiled at the other, reaching out to pat his shoulder comfortingly, “if you do, I won’t
be any help cause I’ll be on the ground sobbing.”

Changbin looked to Chan, “would you help me if I threw up?”

“And you think I’d be conscious?” Chan asked with a raised eyebrow.

Jisung giggled, looking back at the stage. He was vibrating where he stood, bouncing on the
balls of his feet and waving his lightstick in tiny motions near his chest. He was sort of
terrified of the girl next to him, screaming and waving her lightstick high over her head, so he
scooted a little closer to Changbin to stay out of her way.

The music started suddenly.

Jisung was crying before the lights even moved to reveal the three figures standing on the
main stage - appearing out of seemingly nowhere.

He covered his face - shocked he was actually crying. It was a joke (mostly) - but here he
was, sobbing and trying to cover his face before he even actually saw them.

He felt Changbin’s arms wrap around him, bouncing him up and down as the older whispered
to him, “it’s okay, Sunggie! It’s starting, it’s starting!”

He pulled his hands from his eyes just enough to peek through his fingers, watching the three
men walk down the thin catwalk to the smaller stage - coming right at the three of them.

They were absolutely ethereal.

They looked even better than they did in photos, in videos, through Jisung’s phone screen.

They let each of them walk like models on a runway - giving fans time to take each member
in, the anticipation growing as the intense music played behind them.

Hyunjin was so tall - looking even leaner from the angle Jisung had to look up at him from.
His legs seemed to go on forever, the leather pants he was wearing hugged him just right (he
could literally feel the moment Changbin’s breath left his chest). His blonde hair was mostly
down, with just a small bun pulling some of the strands off of his forehead. He was perfectly
styled - makeup sharp and sexy - his sleeveless tank making him look like a rockstar.
Jisung swore he heard Chan choke when Felix strolled up, stopping in his spot to gaze out at
the audience. The youngest of the trio was so fucking pretty in person, Jisung didn’t even
know what to do. His freckles really were as prominent as photos made them look, round
eyes making him look so soft as his black hair fell on his forehead. He thought he could
literally see the corners of his mouth twitching - wanting to grin out at his fans, but trying to
keep cool for the performance.

And then, there was Lee Minho.

No one could look better than Lee Minho.

His outfit was simple, all black, with pants that hugged him perfectly - Jisung wanted to bite
those muscular thighs so badly he could feel it in his throat - and a thick belt around his
waist, holding his tight shirt down. He knew Minho never liked to show his stomach - even
though he was sure it was just as fit as the rest of him was - because of a scar from a surgery
when he was a kid. He was happy the stylists were respecting him more about wanting to stay
covered - but, they seemed to compromise with the zipper of his shirt being tugged down just
a little far. Jisung could see the hard line of his pec, already slightly shiny with sweat.

His eyes moved slowly up - those fucking collarbones, holy shit, and his neck - also slowly
losing his sanity as he did. His brain had just enough time to notice Minho had dyed his hair a
dark brown color - new from the purple he had had just a week ago - before he noticed
Minho’s face.

The man’s dark, sharp eyes were staring at Jisung in what looked like a bit of confusion, but
mostly horror.

He swore he saw the idol’s lips twitch - looking like they wanted to move, to talk to Jisung?

But no, that was impossible - he couldn’t be actually looking at Jisung. He was just looking at
his audience.

Only a moment later, the music was finally beginning, and the three of them separated to
different parts of the stage, immediately starting on their newest song: S-Class.

Jisung barely even registered the first few songs - going between staring at whoever was
closest in absolute awe, and sobbing into his hands. He didn’t even use his lightstick,
clutching it close to his chest as though it was a lifeline.

He just couldn’t stop fucking crying.

He was overwhelmed - his anxiety crawling up his throat, but also just every emotion he’s
ever felt for these boys was bubbling up in him, bursting out in the form of body-wracking
sobs and tears.

Changbin and Chan were having fun next to him, reaching out to hug him close every once in
a while, but mostly participating in the fanchants and screaming along with the songs.
Changbin even started dancing at one point, jumping up and down to his favorite song.
Jisung’s head felt like cotton by the time they finally stopped for a break, the three idols
covered in sweat and panting from how hard they had been dancing. He watched each of
them grab water and take a second to breathe before introducing themselves and thanking
everyone for being here.

“Before we continue onto our next song,” Minho said, looking around the stadium with a
small smile before looking back to Jisung - holy shit he was looking at Jisung. “Why are you
crying?” He asked, stepping forward and reaching out a hand to Jisung. “Are you okay?”

Jisung was no longer okay literally at all.

He was going to pass the fuck out.

“He’s fine!” Changbin yelled, wrapping his arms around Jisung and stroking his hair as
Jisung covered his red-blotchy face, trying to hold back another sob. He could hear the
cooing of the fans around him - shouting about how sweet Minho was, especially with his
fanboys.

“Are you sure?” Minho asked, tilting his head to one side - looking genuinely concerned. He
smiled slightly when Jisung nodded, assuring him he was fine. “Okay, good - I need you to
smile, okay? Tonight is going to be fun, I promise.” He winked.

Minho winked at him.

Minho fucking Lee winked. At. Him.

But, he forced his boxy, gummy smile onto his face, grinning at the other through squished
eyes and puffy cheeks - he would do literally anything for Minho, he could definitely give
him a smile.

“There you go,” Minho smiled back. “Now, don’t let that pretty smile leave your face, okay?”

Jisung wasn’t going to last the night.

 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes

sorry if you saw this chapter go up a minute ago and get deleted - I had to take it down
for some formatting issues!

But yes, enjoy this new chapter - this fic has grabbed my creative brain process and
RUN so you'll probably be getting a lot of updates very soon lol

TW/CW for power imbalance in a relationship

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Who was that guy?”

Minho looked over at where Hyunjin had fallen onto their waiting room couch, wiping his
entire face with a towel. He could see the sweat dripping down the younger’s face, his hair
absolutely ruined and makeup smudged around his eyes and mouth. Minho raised an eyebrow
at the question, “what?”

“That guy you kept messing with,” Hyunjin huffed out a laugh. “The one who wouldn’t stop
sobbing.”

Minho hummed rather than answering, tugging the jewelry off his wrists and out of his ears
as his stylist brought him bags to put everything into, along with a sweat towel.

“I think he was cute,” Felix cooed from where his manager was wiping down his face -
always the princess treatment. “Him and his friends seemed fun - it was nice having people
actually enjoying the concert and not just shoving phone cameras in our faces.”

“They seemed annoying,” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “Drunk dudebro gym guys.”

“They were just having fun,” Minho shrugged. He always had a soft spot for fanboys - for
obvious reasons. “It was fun teasing them - they were obviously huge fans.”

It was easy to keep going back to the three men who were front row and center at the concert
- it would have been harder to avoid them.

They were loud - especially the shorter one in the middle, screaming along to their songs and
shouting their names during the fanchants. He waved his lightstick around like a weapon, but
still managed to keep it in his own sphere - like a respectful fan. They also really did seem
fun - even dancing along to several of their songs, messing around with each other even
during the concert.
The little one who wouldn’t stop crying though - Minho just couldn’t stop thinking about
him.

He had definitely messed with him a lot - from calling him out in front of the entire audience
for crying, but also kept going back to smile and wave at him. The boy was trying
desperately to smile at Minho every time he came back over - trying to obey his order - but
the second Minho would walk away, he could see those puffy cheeks fall and him choke on
another sob.

He was very, very pretty - especially crying.

So, sure, it was probably overkill when he wandered over and stepped down onto the ledge in
between the stage and the barricade, squatting down to reach out to the crying boy during one
of their slower songs. He had just stared at Minho in absolute awe, clutching his lightstick to
his chest like it was the only thing keeping him grounded there. Minho had waved his hand at
him until he reached right back - still just a bit too far away for their fingers to brush - but he
couldn’t resist the new wave of tears that fell down his chubby cheeks.

“The one who was crying was just too much - and Minho just encouraged it!” Hyunjin
whined, finally giving up and tugging his shirt over his head to wipe himself down. “Fans
who are that obsessed - that fucking reliant on us - are fucking weird.”

“I think it’s sweet that people find that much comfort in us,” Felix shrugged, ever the
optimistic little sunshine. “I think he was a sweetie,” Felix smirked as he looked over at
Minho, “and a definitely certain person’s type.”

Minho hummed again, still refusing to answer past a small shrug. He was always quieter than
the others - especially after a show. He was worn out after any type of schedule - so many
damn people, everything was so loud, and he was an introvert at his core.

He got up after stripping out of his shirt, going to change into his own outfit and head out to
their waiting van.

“Minho, you forgot your book!” Felix called out to him.

Minho turned, smiling sheepishly as Felix handed him probably his twentieth copy of his
favorite book. It had become a joke - he would buy a copy, leave it at some random studio or
a country a plane ride away, and he would just shrug and say, “maybe someone will read it
and love it too - I’m doing a service.” But, this one was special - he didn’t want to leave it
behind this time.

He had been trailing through the airport, headphones on and blasting some music to ignore
the crowding fans who were shoving at his bodyguards. He had noticed a cute little bookstore
out of the corner of his eye - but what really caught his attention was his favorite book that
had a whole little display right at the front.

He had paused - getting yelled at by his manager - and pointed at it silently. His manager had
groaned and told him he’d get it for him, and shoved Minho to continue on his way.
He had actually screamed when he opened it and found that it was signed.

Felix and Hyunjin had screamed right back in surprise, staring at him as though Minho really
had lost it at this point. He turned the book around and around - looking for a sticker
announcing that it was a signed copy, but there was nothing. How had this signed copy ended
up in a random little bookstore in an airport of all places?

He clutched the book to his chest, heart pounding, even as Felix and Hyunjin tried to pull it
out of his grasp to see what the hell was wrong.

So yeah, he would rather die than leave that book behind like all his other copies.

“Do you think he was in Japan for some reason?” Hyunjin questioned, watching the handoff
between the two of them.

“Maybe,” Felix nodded. “That display was so cute - maybe he stopped to sign a few and
leave them there, I’ve seen authors do that before.”

“We don’t know their gender,” Minho snapped - always annoyed when people would assign
J. Han a gender. They very obviously didn’t want people to know who they were - writing
under a pseudonym, never doing any events or press, and never posting anything about
themself online, including their pronouns or gender. They really wanted to remain a secret.

“Okay maybe they were in Japan,” Hyunjin corrected before grinning slightly. “Maybe
they’re here right now.”

“How cute would that be?” Felix squealed, shaking his hands in front of his body in
excitement. “What if Minho got to meet them?”

“They don’t do events,” Minho shook his head. He would know if the author was in Japan for
anything related to their book, he had everything on notification - their twitter and instagram,
and even their publishing company’s social media accounts. “So, if they were here, it would
be for personal stuff - I wouldn’t know who they were if we just saw them on the street.”

“They’re your soulmate - of course you’d know,” Hyunjin teased.

Minho rolled his eyes and turned to go.

They didn’t even know what they were talking about - they hadn’t even read the book, even
though Minho had bought them (and the rest of their staff) copies of it. They didn’t
understand how much Minho related to the main love interest - how well he seemed to echo
Minho’s own thoughts, feelings, and insecurities. Not to mention how cute the main character
was - he had spent too many nights staring at fanart and kicking his feet, giggling.

He was debating where he could get a protective booksleeve while in Japan - he was worried
just carrying this precious book around was going to ruin it - when his other two members
climbed into the car beside him, arguing about what they should order for dinner.

“What do you want, Min?” Hyunjin asked.

Minho just shrugged again, “whatever is fine.”

“You’re unhelpful,” Hyunjin huffed.

Felix reached over the middle boy to poke at Minho’s cheek, grinning, “what are you
thinking about so intensely?”

“Nothing,” Minho muttered.

“I bet he’s thinking about that cute fan again,” Felix cooed.

“No,” Minho snapped - he really hadn’t been, but the two of them would tease him about
anything.

“I wish we had some sort of fan event here,” Felix sighed. “It would have been so fun to
watch him sobbing all over himself trying to talk to Minho.”

“Yeah, oh well,” Minho deadpanned, “we’ll probably never see him ever again - so drop it.”

But, of course he saw him again the very next night.

The boy and his friends were apparently rich as hell to be able to afford such good tickets to
their shows. Minho had blinked in surprise when he noticed the three of them against the
barricade again - this time around the side of the stage to the right. He had grinned and waved
at them, immediately getting screams of delight at being recognized.

The skinny boy wasn’t crying tonight, just looking absolutely terrified.

Those wide eyes and chubby cheeks made him look like a mouse - staring up at Minho like
he hung the damn stars.

At one point, Minho had stepped out onto that ledge again, sitting and grinning at them.
“You’re here again!” He yelled to them.

“Of course we are!” The loud, short one yelled back.

“Who are your faves?” He asked the two who weren’t his - he of course knew the crier was
his, it was pretty obvious.

The two of them raised up photocards in near sync, making Minho laugh, but saw the three of
them were apparently a perfect trio - loving each of the members.

Minho made it his mission to get the other two members on board with teasing these three
guys - dragging Felix over to wave at the taller buff boy who literally sank to his knees,
hiding behind the barricade shyly as his friends screamed at him. He looked like he was
going to pass out when Felix blew him a kiss.

Hyunjin was more difficult, whining in annoyance as Minho kept steering him over to them,
and blatantly ignoring them.
“Hyunjin apparently hates fanboys,” Minho said into his mic, in front of the thousands of
people in the audience.

Hyunjin looked horrified at being called out, “no, no, no! What are you saying? I love all
Stay!”

“Well, your biggest fan is right over there,” he said, pointing at the shortest of the trio. “You
should give him more attention - stop playing hard to get!”

Hyunjin definitely gave the guy a show, and probably a heart attack.

Minho could see the look of murder in his member’s eye - probably terrified of any type of
hate he was going to get online for Minho’s comment - but Minho grinned as he watched
Hyunjin continue to walk over that way whenever a sexy song came on, gyrating his hips
even more than normal. He thought the Hyunjin stan was going to throw up, constantly
covering his mouth as he stared at Hyunjin like he was a god.

But, while the two of them were very fun to mess with, Minho knew he was going to get in
trouble - with his managers or with fans online - with how much time he was spending on his
little fan.

He kept going over to him, winking and smiling, pointing at him and laughing at his cute
antics.

He finally seemed to have a bit more fun this concert - jumping up and down and genuinely
smiling, mouthing along with the fanchants (Minho became positive after a while that the
boy never made a single noise - his words caught in his throat), with a permanent blush on
his cheeks.

He really was cute.

Minho’s eyes kept roving over him - he needed to thank whoever had pulled the denim jacket
off of him at one point (he had seen the two friends talking to him at one break, looking
concerned for him as they tugged off the jacket he had been wearing like a safety blanket),
became now his arms were on full display. He was surprised to see the lean muscle there -
nowhere near as bulky as the other two, but definitely a guy who went to the gym.

He could also see his little waist, his broad shoulders, and how that insane, thick hair trailed
down his neck and hung in his face.

Yeah, he was definitely Minho’s type.

“How do I get his number or get to talk to him?” Minho asked Hyunjin toward the end of the
concert - their last costume change. The other stared at him in confusion as a stylist shoved a
new shirt over his head.

“What?”

“I want to talk to that guy.” He knew Hyunjin had managed to bring a couple of fans back to
his hotel room over the years - after talking to them, making sure they were actually of age,
comfortable with the situation, and having them sign an NDA.

“Tell a security guard to grab him after the show - people usually stay for a while afterwards,
so tell them to make it subtle and bring him backstage.”

Minho was putting his lovelife in the hands of the security guard he whispered to after their
final encore. The man had nodded, saying he knew who Minho was talking about, and would
try to grab him before he left the venue.

Hopefully he wasn’t wrong about the guy - hopefully he wasn’t like, seventeen, or actually
not interested in Minho at all (somehow).

***

“That was the best concert ever,” Changbin breathed, throwing himself into his chair and
leaning his head back, chest rising and falling like he had just run a marathon.

“I can’t believe Minho made Felix and Hyunjin come over to us,” Chan whined, covering his
face in embarrassment.

Jisung just grinned at them - happy his friends got the special treatment like he had gotten.

If he had considered whether or not his obsession and relationship with lee Minho was toxic
before this tour - he was going to need some serious help after all of this.

He couldn’t believe it when the oldest member kept coming over, teasing him, singing to him
- he was the “y/n” of every fanfiction ever. It definitely wasn’t helping the fact that he was
dating the idol in his head - now he was convinced that Minho was actually attracted to him.
It was doing things to his brain.

“Minho is literally in love with you,” Changbin laughed, echoing Jisung’s thoughts.

“Shut up, he just likes messing with people,” Jisung huffed. Which was true - Minho was
mischievous, always breaking rules in games during variety shows and doing incredibly
random, weird things. Jisung always loved seeing that side of him - rather than the cold, stoic
persona he wore most times. He was convinced the idol would get along with him perfectly -
cold and shy on the outside, but just a really weird introvert on the inside. “He seemed just
excited to realize we were here again.”

“Yeah, but like-”

“Excuse me?”

Jisung flinched at the new voice, whipping around to a security guard who had appeared right
behind him. He instantly grabbed his bag, backing away from the barricade, “sorry! We’ll
leave!”

“No, no,” The security guard shook his head - not kicking them out. His eyes locked on
Jisung, looking him over as though checking him, “I need you to come with me.”
Jisung’s mind went completely blank, staring at the other.

He felt Changbin stand up next to him, “what is this about? Jisung didn’t do anything
wrong.”

“Yeah, where are you taking him?” Chan piped up.

Jisung’s anxiety immediately spiked, heart slamming in his throat, and he felt himself
shaking slightly, leaning into Changbin who had put himself slightly in front of the other.

“He’s not in trouble,” the man shook his head. “One of the idols wanted to see him.”

The three of them went silent, staring at each other with wide eyes.

“Wha-”

“Oh my god.”

“Minho wants to talk to you.”

“Jisung, he’s in love with you!”

“Go, Ji, go!”

He suddenly had hands shoving him forward, even as he stared at them with wide, scared
eyes.

“Don’t let your anxiety ruin this Jisung - you’re strong, you’ve got this!” Changbin grinned.

He was right - if any of the three members were asking for him, he was going to go talk to
them no matter what, even if he shook with nerves and felt ready to pass out.

He followed the man, weaving through the venue until he was backstage, terrified as he
looked around at all the people running around, taking apart the sets and stages, and yelling at
each other with different jobs. Jisung was going to throw up, he felt petrified, stopping in his
tracks and needing the security guard to help lead him forward.

Suddenly, a door was opening and he was being led into what looked like a waiting room - a
few couches around and several vanities set up on one wall with chairs for the idols to sit in.
He had seen something like this a dozen times in vlogs and behind the scenes videos, but now
he was seeing it first hand - it didn’t feel real.

The room was empty besides one guy, staring down at his phone and tapping away.

Lee Minho.

Lee Fucking Minho.

“Minho,” The security guard called, getting the idol’s attention.

He looked up and Jisung felt every ounce of air leave his body. His knees felt like they were
going to give out, thighs shaking with the effort of keeping him upright. Minho’s face split
into a smile - a smile for Jisung and only Jisung, not any of the cameras capturing the
moment or any audience member also sharing his special moment. He was looking at Jisung
and Jisung was the only one who got to see him.

He had obviously taken off his concert outfit and makeup the second he had gotten off stage.
Dressed in a black hoodie and joggers with his face bare and hair shoved back from his face,
Minho looked so fucking soft and “boyfriend,” Jisung was going to combust.

“Hey there,” He cooed, waving a hand at the security guard who immediately left, closing the
door behind him.

“Hi,” is what tried to come out of Jisung’s lips, but he realized after a beat that nothing had
actually come out. He cleared his throat with a squeak, swallowing before trying again, “hi.”
It was quiet - way too quiet, he was sure Minho still hadn’t heard him.

“It’s okay,” Minho put his hands up, still smiling at him as he walked forward. “I get it, this is
probably a lot.” Jisung just nodded in answer, still not trusting himself to speak. “I just…
really wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?” Jisung whispered, hoping the other could hear him from his closer proximity - only a
foot away now.

Minho smirked at that, “I feel like it’s kind of obvious.”

Jisung looked down, feeling his face heat up enough that he pressed the back of his hand to
the skin there, trying to cool it down even slightly.

“How could I not want to talk to my biggest fan?” Minho cooed, voice light - obviously
trying to make Jisung less terrified. He leaned forward, grinning when Jisung just stared at
him. “You’re so cute - how could I not want to talk to you?”

“Okay,” Jisung whispered, not sure what else to say.

“Can I ask you a few questions?” Jisung nodded in response. “How old are you?”

“Twenty three,” Jisung murmured, reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet and hand
over his ID.

“You’re from Korea?”

Jisung nodded, “I live in Seoul, yeah.”

Minho’s eyes flicked between the ID and Jisung’s face, his voice pitching lower as he asked,
“are you single?”

Jisung breathed - finally having confirmation that this was very much going where he thought
it was going. “Yeah, very single.”
Minho chuckled at that. “Would you want to come back to my hotel with me?”

Jisung was going to pass out - he was going to pass out and Minho was going to have to bring
him to the ER and he was going to ruin this entire moment. “Yeah.”

Minho put a hand up, making him pause. “Do you want to come back with me,” he reiterated,
“not Lee Minho the idol - just, Minho the guy who thinks you’re cute.”

Jisung blinked at the question, but slowly nodded. Of course he wanted to spend time with
Minho - he didn’t give a single shit about him being a famous idol. He was Jisung’s safe
space, his best friend, his boyfriend - or, at least, in his head he was. He nodded, more sure of
himself as he said, “yes.”

Jisung easily signed the NDA a manager brought to him, Minho looking sheepish and
embarrassed as he watched it happen.

“I’ve never done this,” Minho laughed as they both slid into the company van. “It’s fucking
awkward having all my staff see who I’m bringing back with me.”

Jisung just smiled, a small twitch of his lips, and nodded - still not trusting his voice.

Minho turned entirely to him, leaning his side against the seat and tipping his head, a fond
smile on his lips. “I realized, you didn’t even tell me your name.”

“Jisung,” he breathed, too quickly. He cleared his throat again, “Han Jisung.”

Minho seemed to pause at that, blinking slightly, “Han Jisung? Jisung Han?”

Jisung just nodded, still not trusting himself to try to formulate a full sentence past a few
words.

Minho seemed to consider that for a long moment before seeming to drop the thought. He
reached over, grabbing Jisung’s hand in his own and grinning at him, “you’re so cute.”

“Thanks,” Jisung whispered back, making Minho laugh - it was truly the best sound in the
world.

“Why were you crying so much yesterday?” he asked.

Jisung shrugged, raising a hand to hide his face, “I was… I just… I have a lot of anxiety-”
Minho’s face softened at that, “a concert was just… a lot… and I’ve liked you guys for a long
t-time and… it was just a lot.”

“Did you have fun today?”

Jisung nodded furiously, “yeah, it was amazing. Y-You’re amazing.”

Minho covered his own face, laughing, “you’re sweet.”

Jisung didn’t expect Minho’s hotel room to be so humble - a simple single, not shared with
any other member or staff, with a suitcase shoved in the corner, opened with things thrown all
over the place. Minho quickly shoved the small pile of clothing that was laying on the bed
into the suitcase, closing it and looking abashed.

They just stood, staring at each other for a few moments, until Jisung broke their eye contact
for his gaze to flit to the bed and then right back to Minho.

“Are you still okay with this?” Minho checked in, walking toward him and picking up
Jisung’s hand, his thumb brushing over the back of his knuckles.

“More than okay,” Jisung breathed. Which was a complete lie - he could feel himself shaking
slightly at the idea of what they were going to do.

Minho was a complete sweetheart, making sure Jisung was comfortable as he laid back on
the bed. He removed Jisung's glasses, folding them and gently setting them on the table
beside them. He kissed over his skin with each item of clothing he tugged off the other.
Jisung shivered at the feeling of the idol’s lips on his skin - so soft, yet confident and firm,
knowing exactly what he wanted. He tugged his own hoodie off his torso, nothing
underneath, and Jisung finally broke down a little bit, covering his face and eyes again.

Minho chuckled, trying to pull his hands away, “what?”

“You’re just fucking hot,” Jisung whined, getting another laugh from the other.

“Have you seen yourself?” Minho hummed, eyes trailing over Jisung’s bare chest. He
reached over to run a hand over his pecs - Jisung shivered at the brush to his nipple - and
down his bicep. “I really wasn’t expecting this type of body from you, baby boy.”

Jisung swooned at the pet name, covering his face even harder and kicking his feet slightly.
Minho smiled at that, looking so fucking fond of this boy he had only discovered existed a
little over twenty four hours ago.

“Can I take these off?” Minho asked, thumbs hooking in the waistband of Jisung’s tight jeans.
He got a stilted nod in response. He raised his hips off the mattress, letting the other easily
slide them over his ass and down his ankles, helping pull them off until Jisung was laying in
just his boxer briefs (his nicest pair, might he add - thank whatever god was blessing Jisung at
that moment).

Minho looked enraptured with Jisung’s body, hands squeezing over his thighs, groaning at the
soft press of the flesh there. He was staring at the slight bulge in Jisung’s pants like a starving
man.

Jisung raised his hips again in offer, letting Minho slide them off, the older groaning as he
revealed Jisung.

Jisung felt like he was staring down at himself - not actually experiencing this - because how
could Minho possibly be staring at him like that? How could his eyes look so dark, so hungry,
looking at Jisung’s cock?
He nearly squealed as Minho ducked down, nosing at his cock and kissing over his length.

No fucking way was Lee Minho about to suck him off.

Minho’s eyes were so fucking dark as he looked up at Jisung, who he knew he must already
looked so fucked out, breathing heavily at the barely touch. The older smirked as he wrapped
his hand around the other’s length, “can I suck you off?”

“I’m going to come really fucking fast if you do,” Jisung admitted all in one breath.

Minho giggled at that, “I’ll go easy on you.”

Jisung tilted his head back, eyes squeezed shut as Minho’s hand ran over his length, gathering
the precum already dripping out of his tip to ease the glide over him. This was fine - this was
something he was familiar with from his own hand, he hopefully wouldn’t bust a nut too fast
with the slow, firm strokes Minho was giving him.

After several tugs, Jisung felt Minho’s mouth on him, immediately making him squirm and
his hips buck up at the warmth. He felt Minho chuckle against him, the vibrations driving
him insane, “easy there.” He felt those strong hands on his hips, pinning him to the mattress,
making him completely unable to move.

He would never admit to the moan - high pitched and whining - that left his throat as Minho’s
lips slid over the head of his dick. His hips tried to move again, having a mind of their own
when it comes to pleasure, but Minho kept him down easily. He immediately felt his thighs
shaking at the pleasure dripping down his spine, encapsulating him all the way down to his
toes.

Minho was definitely no beginner at this - which made a small part of Jisung incredibly
jealous. He said he didn’t do this - didn’t bring fans back with him often - but that didn’t
mean he wasn’t getting laid like the incredibly hot, famous person he was. Of course he
would be good at sucking dick.

He sucked at the head of Jisung’s cock, lathing his tongue over it and dipping slightly into the
slit there, making Jisung gasp loudly at the feeling. He bobbed down his length, easily taking
most of Jisung into his throat, just a single ring of his fingers pressing at the part he couldn’t
reach.

He slid up and down Jisung’s length, alternating between sucking and swallowing around
him until Jisung was a shaking mess beneath him, hands fisted in the sheets beside his head.
He could feel the little bruises of Minho’s fingers imprinting into his hips, driving him wild
as his mouth brought him closer and closer to the edge.

Minho popped off his dick, looking up at Jisung who was breathing heavily, staring down at
him with wide, lust-filled eyes. He stroked over the younger’s length with a quick hand,
smiling at him. “You’re so sensitive, baby boy.”

Jisung was going to fucking come.

He whined as he tried to tug away from Minho’s hand, needing to warn him of his impending
orgasm.

But Minho knew - somehow - and quickly pulled his hand away entirely, making Jisung
whine at the feeling leaving him.

Minho kneeled in between his thighs, squeezing at Jisung’s thighs as he smiled down at him,
“do you prefer being on top, or bottom?”

Jisung stared at him, blinking in awe.

Minho - Lee Minho - was asking if he wanted to get fucked by him or fuck him.

This seriously wasn’t fucking happening.

“Uhm,” Jisung breathed, eyes flitting over Minho’s face as he swallowed thickly. The older’s
lips were red, slick with saliva and precum, and Jisung wanted to die a little bit. “I-I… I don’t
care?”

“You don’t have a preference?”

Jisung shook his head slowly.

Minho took that as a prime opportunity to dig through the little makeup bag set on the side
table beside them, rifling around until he found what he was looking for - a well-loved bottle
of lube and a condom packet.

Jisung was going to pass out, like, seriously.

“If you don’t mind, I would love to take you apart,” Minho purred, hands squeezing Jisung’s
inner thighs, making him shiver as his hands trailed further down.

“Yeah,” Jisung nodded, “that works.”

Which was how he ended up moaning, writhing on the mattress, with two of Minho’s -
fucking Lee Minho’s - fingers up his ass, pressing expertly against his walls and stroking over
his prostate. Jisung had never been able to reach that little bundle of nerves inside of himself
- his fingers not long enough to get there from the awkward angles he had to finger himself
at.

Minho was just good at everything - singing, dancing, rapping, blowjobs, and making Jisung
absolutely fall apart on his fingers. Jisung thrashed as those sinful digits pressed against that
bundle of nerves again, whimpering and squeezing his eyes shut.

Minho seemed obsessed with pulling those noises from his throat - the loudest he had heard
Jisung be so far. He was also slightly determined to see the other cry - wanted to see those
tears on his cheeks in a new context.

“How does that feel, baby boy?” Minho purred, leaning over to breathe in Jisung’s ear,
chuckling when Jisung just whined, unable to form a single word. “You’re so fucking
sensitive,” he whispered, “I’m going to have so much fun with you.”

Jisung shivered, a full body tremble, at the words.

He gasped as a third finger joined the other two, the stretch burning ever so slightly, but was
quickly dissipated by another press inside of him - making him see stars. He wriggled on the
digits, pressing against them and rolling his hips slightly, encouraging.

Minho chuckled at the reaction - liking seeing Jisung a little more confident, rather than just a
moaning, blubbering mess beneath him. He loved a good pillow prince - but Jisung’s cheeks
turning even redder as he grew bolder, pressing back against Minho’s groping, was incredibly
sexy.

“S-St-Stop, I’m gonna cum,” Jisung sniveled, fingers digging into Minho’s shoulders and
thighs quivering.

Minho giggled, leaning into Jisung’s neck and kissing at the flesh there - he was just too cute,
it made Minho too fond. He bit at the skin on the side of his neck, getting a gasp in response,
until he saw a red mark darkening there.

He pulled his fingers back reluctantly, pleased with how much precum was leaking against
the smaller’s stomach, loving how hard he was breathing.

“So sensitive,” Minho whispered, letting a hand trail over Jisung’s stomach, gathering a bit of
sticky liquid there, before sliding over his chest and tweaking his nipples - getting a jerking
response for his troubles. “So fucking sensitive,” he echoed again, staring at Jisung as he said
it, “almost like…”

Jisung stared up at him with those wide, glassy eyes, panting and looking horribly
overwhelmed.

Minho’s face changed suddenly - his fond smile and soft eyes suddenly dropped, blinking at
Jisung in what looked like concern, and a little bit of horror. “Holy shit - you’re a virgin.”

Jisung gaped at him, “what?”

“Oh my god, you’re a virgin aren’t you?” Minho pulled away like Jisung’s skin had burned
him, immediately standing up off the mattress.

Jisung sat up, jaw still dropped in confusion. “W-What-? I just-”

Minho was running a hand through his hair, refusing to look at Jisung, “I should have fucking
guessed it from how you were reacting - oh my - fuck!”

Jisung flinched at Minho’s yell, the angry tone shooting him right in the chest. He brought his
knees to his chest, suddenly feeling far too vulnerable as the older paced back and forth,
tugging at his hair, still with a pair of boxers on compared to Jisung’s entire naked, prone
form. “M-Minho I-”
“Don’t,” Minho said, pointing a finger at him. “Don’t say anything, just - just answer my
question.”

Jisung bit his lip so hard, he was surprised he didn’t taste blood, “I-I.. I-ye-yeah I mean-”

“Fuck,” Minho yelled again, head dropping back as he rubbed at his eyes in frustration. “You
really are? Have you ever done anything before tonight?”

Jisung wrapped his arms around himself, staring down at the mattress, “n-no?”

“God fucking damnit,” Minho groaned, shaking his head. “Why didn’t you say something?”

Jisung didn’t look up, his gaze locked on where his toes were curling into the mattress, his
pulse rabbiting in his neck, “I didn’t… I didn’t think-?” He glanced up. “I’m twenty three, I
can do what I want - I’m not some virgin kid, ya know.”

“You are a virgin though!” Minho yelled back. “I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you like
this!”

Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed, staring at the other, “I’m an adult, I can make decisions for
myself - you weren’t taking advantage of anything.”

“It’s one thing that you’re a fan - that’s already got a power imbalance,” Minho rambled,
hands flailing as he spoke, “and I’m older than you! And now you’re also a virgin? It’s too
much - I can’t… I can’t in good conscious do this.” He groaned, covering his face again.
“You’d never even gotten a blowjob before, had you?”

Jisung just pursed his lips in answer.

“Fuck!” Minho kicked his suitcase so hard, Jisung flinched.

He had always joked saying that Minho was kind of hot when he was mad - glaring down his
members or spanking their asses, those veins in his forearm popping out as he flexed in
irritation - but actually seeing it, he was slightly terrified.

“I’ll call a manager to drive you back to wherever you’re staying,” Minho muttered, grabbing
his phone out of his pants that had been thrown to one side.

“What?” Jisung breathed. “Th-that’s it? You don’t want to be with me cause I’m
inexperienced?”

He was already self conscious enough about the fact that he had never had a significant other
before - had barely had his first kiss. He was shy, he was an introvert, he didn’t know how to
talk to people, and had been fine with it for years - he had his bias - he had Minho - and that
was always fine by him. Even as he watched his other friends find relationships, he was just
happy for them, not even jealous.

But now, that bias - his safe space - was shoving him out for exactly what he was so self
conscious about.
 Jisung swallowed thickly as he watched Minho tapping away at his phone, thumbs flying
across the screen. Jisung’s hands shook as he moved to grab his underwear and pants, pulling
them over his hips. He was shaking so badly he couldn’t even figure out how to turn his shirt
right side out, eventually giving up and dropping it in favor of cover his face with his hands.

He didn’t want Minho to see the tears that had escaped without his consent.

“Jisung,” Minho whispered, sidling up behind him.

Jisung jerked away from the hand on his shoulder, shaking the other off as he tugged his shirt
on with the tags sticking out.

“I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” Minho murmured, his head hanging.

Jisung couldn’t answer, arms wrapped around himself as he shook with silent sobs. He
covered his mouth when he gasped shakily, trying to muffle the sound.

Minho turned him around with hands on his shoulders, trying to get him to look up, but
Jisung refused to look at him. Minho shut his eyes, sighing deeply before taking Jisung’s
hand, tugging him over toward the door.

“It’s cold out,” he mumbled, grabbing his own hoodie from the floor to pull over Jisung’s
head. The other still refused to look at him even as he raised his arms up, letting Minho put it
over him, and then help him into the jean jacket he had dropped when he first walked in. He
even wandered over to the bed again, remembering to grab Jisung's glasses and push them
onto his tear-streaked face. “Jisung, please, I’m so sorry I just… you have to understand why
this doesn’t feel right for me.”

Jisung didn’t answer, didn’t look up.

He didn’t even acknowledge Minho’s existence as he led him to the manager’s room - the
man looking absolutely horrified at the sobbing boy Minho handed him.

Jisung didn’t say anything as he sat in the car, and then wandered up to his hotel room. Chan
and Changbin were already passed out asleep, snoring quietly as Jisung stripped his clothes
off and slid into his side.

He wrapped his arms around himself again, burying his face in his pillow and let soft sobs
leave his lips while trying to forget about the feeling of the other’s hands on him - about the
pleasure he had given him, but also how he felt like his heart was completely broken into
pieces in his chest.

Chapter End Notes

I PROMISE IT WON'T BE TOO ANGSTY FOR TOO TOO LONG

 Chapter 3
Chapter Notes

Yes, I have literally been writing all day - this fic is the only thing in my brain atm

So enjoy a second chapter of the day lol it's a bit shorter but, I got to the perfect stopping
point

I also wouldn't be surprised if this entire thing is done within the next few days.

Chan and Changbin were absolutely horrified to wake up with Jisung in bed next to them.

He was curled up on himself, eyes red and bruised from crying, and looking like he hadn’t
slept even a moment of the night.

“Ji?” Changbin asked frantically, trying to turn the other over to get a good look at him, but
Jisung pulled away from him, curling into himself even more. “What the fuck happened -
why are you here?”

Chan climbed off the bed, going around to Jisung’s side and squatting to be able to look at
him. His expression instantly went cold, “what the fuck did he do?”

“Nothing,” Jisung breathed, covering his face as he felt more sobs caught in his throat.
“That’s the problem.”

Chan and Changbin hesitated at that, deciding not to pry until they could get Jisung cleaned
up and get some food in him. Chan helped him up and started a shower for him, helping him
pull the hoodie Minho had given him up and off of him, before pushing him gently toward
the spray of the shower.

Changbin was already back with coffees and breakfast sandwiches by the time jisung stepped
back into the room, hair sopping wet and towel around his waist. He refused to look at either
of them, just staring ahead as he shuffled over to his suitcase.

“Come on, Ji,” Changbin murmured, handing him a coffee and leading him over to the little
table their suit had. He unwrapped one of the sandwiches and forced Jisung to take a bite
before he would leave him alone.

“Tell us what happened,” Chan pressed.

Jisung chewed thoughtfully, cheeks puffing out as he did so. He sniffled slightly before
swallowing. He knew it was breaking the NDA he signed - but these two had literally seen
him go off with a security guard, they knew what was supposed to happen - which is why
they were looking so worried about Jisung’s teary expression.

So, he told them what happened - how he had met Minho, how they had gone back to his
hotel, how they had been right in the midst of everything, when the older stopped it all.

“You’re a virgin?” Changbin blinked in surprise, glancing between Jisung and Chan.
“Really?”

“Hey,” Chan glared at him. “He’s young - it’s fine if its just taken him a while.”

“I guess, but like,” Changbin shrugged. “You’re twenty three, Ji, you never even hooked up
with someone?”

Jisung pulled his knees to his chest, balancing his feet on the seat beneath him to be able to
bury his face in shame. Of course Chan and Changbin had been with people - of course it was
only him who was the odd one out.

Obviously, Jisung would have wanted to do things before all of this - he just hadn’t found
anyone who he liked enough, or was comfortable enough with to try. He didn’t date, he didn’t
go out much, he didn’t even have many friends - when was he supposed to have lost his
virginity?

It wasn’t something the three of them talked about - they talked about a lot, way more than he
did with Jeongin or Seungmin or any of his high school friends - but actual sex really hadn’t
come up, besides talking about how attractive their idols were. He knew, deep down, that the
other two weren’t like him - Changbin had had a long term girlfriend in high school and
college, and Chan had a boyfriend during his graduate degree - but, he secretly had hoped he
wasn’t such a fucking loser, that the other two didn’t have any experience, just like him.

Now, having it confirmed that he was just a fucking failure at life - that even with how
obsessed the other two were with Stray Kids, they still had lives outside of being a fan - made
him feel ever more like shit. Jisung was always the odd one out - always the fucked up one
everyone had to be concerned about.

He wanted to cry, but his eyes hurt, and he didn’t have any more effort to give.

So, he just rested his cheek on his knees, hugging them close to his chest.

They had an early flight, needing to get over to the airport after they finished up breakfast.
Chan helped Jisung pack up his suitcase, and basically had to drag the other out of the hotel.

Jisung pulled his headphones onto his ears in the uber, not taking them off the rest of their
journey.

He had insisted on them getting a hotel in Seoul, saying his apartment was way too small for
the three of them - sometimes it felt small even with just him and Bbama living there, three
adult men would have definitely been too much. But, even just being back in his city made
him feel a bit better.
Luckily, they didn’t have a concert that night. Jisung could curl up in bed, headphones snug
against his ears, ignoring the other two as they tried to figure out where to get food.

“Come on, Ji,” Changbin said, shaking the youngests’ shoulder. “Come out to get dinner with
us - you need to show us where to get the best barbeque!”

“You also just need to eat,” Chan said gently.

“You guys go out, have fun, it’s fine,” Jisung brushed them off.

The two of them insisted for a long time, but eventually hunger got the better of them and
they left Jisung curled up in bed - telling him they’d bring him something back.

Which, they held true to their word, a little bag clutched in Chan’s hand as the two of them
stumbled into the hotel, laughing and shoving at each other, both red faced and eyes glazed
over from alcohol.

“Jisunggie,” Changbin whined, running over to hug the younger who was exactly where they
left him. “You should have come out! The bar was so fun!”

“I can’t drink alcohol,” Jisung muttered in response.

“The food was so good too, though!”

Chan handed him the food they had gotten him - just some chicken wings and french fries,
but Jisung had to admit, he was very hungry.

He also wasn’t a monster. He made sure the two of them had cleaned up, drank some water,
and tucked them both in on their sides just in case - he had no idea how much they drank, but
he couldn’t be too careful.

He got right back into bed, pulling the hoodie over his head and snuggling down so it rested
over his nose, breathing in the faint scent there that wasn’t his own.

He had spent the entire evening scrolling - staring at the videos from the concert that they had
seen the night before. So many people - thousands probably - had captured every single little
moment between him and Minho. People were questioning who Jisung was - why was he so
special? But also talking about how cute he was, how perfect he was for Minho.

He couldn’t decide how he was feeling anymore.

On one hand, he had come to understand Minho - was actually a little happy that his favorite
person in the world was a good enough human being to not take advantage of someone who,
as he had pointed out, he had a huge power imbalance with.

On the other, he felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on.

He still couldn’t really believe it, kept wondering if everything he had experienced was a
fever dream - he had been asleep, but the adrenaline in his veins had given him the most
vivid dream ever. But, he couldn’t deny the existence of Minho’s hoodie, or the fact that
Chan and Changbin had literally watched him walk away with the security guard.

He desperately wanted to talk to Minho again - just to make things right again.

He also kind of never wanted to see him ever again.

Which was unfortunate since they had tickets to the concert the next night - the last one of the
tour.

“We don’t have to go, Ji,” Chan said, voice quiet and gentle as he put a hand on Jisung’s
shoulder.

“No, we should go,” Jisung said, forcing a smile. “We already paid for the tickets - we can’t
let them go to waste, ya know?”

“Ji,” Changbin murmured, looking concerned - his gaze kept flickering between the two of
them, as though Chanw as going to have all the answers.

“No, seriously, I want to go,” Jisung insisted.

He kind of understood girls when they tried to look as hot as possible as revenge for their
boyfriends dumping them - he found himself trying extra hard to look as hot as possible. He
didn’t want to be cute anymore - he didn’t want Minho to look at him and see a little virgin,
he wanted Minho to see that Jisung was a fucking adult - and he was hot as hell, thank you
very much.

He pushed his hair back from his face, the gel on his fingers helped keep it exactly where
Jisung wanted it. He even let Changbin pat a little eyeshadow onto his lids before pushing his
glasses onto his face. His outfit was one of his favorites - a black shirt with baggy, ripped
jeans (for once), and black combat boots that gave him just a little lift in height. He clipped a
chunky silver necklace around his neck, and finally pulled on his favorite piece he had found
for the concerts - a knee-length, royal blue jacket that draped him perfectly. He thought it
made him look tall, and he felt powerful, even sexy, in it.

“Damn,” Changbin whistled at him. Jisung tried not to smile - tried not to let the other hype
him up - but was grinning as Changbin patted his butt, “you look fine.”

“Thanks,” Jisung chuckled, pushing his glasses up closer to his face. “You guys look cute
too.”

And they did - Changbin with a simple black tshirt but a cowboy hat, and Chan in a matching
white set that was, of course, cropped to show off his abs.

He was determined to have fun - go out and dance and scream with his friends, and that was
it. He wasn’t going to let anything ruin his evening.

He really was convinced that everything would be fine - even through the first few songs,
Jisung was focused on yelling at the top of his lungs, singing along without abandon - even
getting a few surprised looks from the other two, considering he had been nearly silent at the
other two concerts. He joined Changbin in dancing along to the songs they knew, and
screamed extra loud whenever Hyunjin or Felix would come to their side of the stage,
moving their hips in a way that made both his friends swoon.

He really was fine - it was like he was at a club or something, just having fun - until Minho
looked at him.

Hyunjin and Felix had definitely noticed them - it was hard not to with their position at the
barricade (this time on the left side of the stage, right at the corner so they were slightly
behind the idols), and how loud they were being. And Jisung refused to believe that the
whispers they had exchanged with Minho - the older looking at the crowd as though
searching for something - was about him.

Until Minho finally spotted him, eyes going wide and jaw falling open.

Jisung stared right back.

He never had seen Minho falter before - his dancing was always near perfection - but the idol
nearly tripped over himself during the next dance move, having to catch himself on his turn
before he face planted. Minho looked away so fast, Jisung was worried he’d get whiplash.

Sorry to all of the Minho stans in their section, but the oldest member of the group
completely avoided that side of the stage for the rest of the night.

Jisung didn’t care.

He really didn’t.

He was having a perfectly good time without any of the attention he had gotten at the last two
concerts.

By the time the final encore had finished, the boys wandering around the stage to wave
goodbye and send hearts to screaming fans, Jisung was ready to just go home. He started
grabbing his stuff, prepared to exit the second that they could, but then, Minho actually
strolled over to their side for the first time since he had noticed Jisung.

He smiled at the audience - that smile Jisung loved so much - raising up his arms to send out
big hearts to everyone before looking at the people closer to the stage, giving out finger
hearts and trying to complete hearts with his hands. He was a completely normal idol -
something in Jisung really believed the other night hadn’t even happened, this was just Lee
Minho, the world-famous idol. He wasn’t someone who would ever have been interested in
Jisung.

And then, Minho was looking at him, his face dropping slightly, eyebrow raised.

Fans screamed as he stepped over onto that ledge on the stage again - the security guard
nearby looking panicked at the idol’s sudden movement.

Minho pointed right at Jisung, jaw set hard as Jisung scowled right back at him.
“Stay,” Minho said simply before pointing at the ground. “You stay right there after the
concert.”

Jisung furrowed his brow before he shook his head, “no.”

Minho’s nostrils flared slightly - he looked far more pissed off than Jisung had expected. He
looked over at Chan and Changbin who were glaring right back at him. “Tell him to stay.”

“We can’t tell him what to do,” Changbin shrugged.

“He’s an adult - he can do whatever he wants,” Chan bit back.

Minho sighed heavily, looking once more at Jisung before mouthing, “please?”

Jisung decided to stay as the crowds thinned out, but not because Minho asked him to.

He wanted to get his own thoughts off his chest too.

He was prepared this time for the security guard who came to collect him, bringing him back
stage. Jisung’s arms were crossed over his chest, teeth grinding together - he hoped he looked
pissed rather than anxious, because in reality he was so nervous his head hurt.

He was surprised there were still a few people milling about in the waiting room besides
Minho.

Hyunjin was there for one, head bent low to whisper to Minho who was shirtless, looking
irritated at his member as he wiped the sweat from his collarbones.

Jisung’s mouth went dry.

Fuck.

Why was Lee Minho so fucking perfect.

He couldn't just not look at the love of his damn life looking like that.

He was only mad that he hadn’t gotten to see him like that, bare chested and sweaty, for
longer during that night in the hotel.

Hyunjin glanced over at him and then back to Minho, eyes going wide as he did a double
take and then slapped Minho’s shoulder.

Minho looked over at him, his sharp eyes going round when he noticed it was Jisung standing
beside the security guard. Minho patted Hyunjin on the thigh, nodding at him before he stood
up, grabbing a shirt to pull over his head.

Hyunjin scuttled out of the room after taking a second to look Jisung up and down with a
raised eyebrow. Jisung just stared right back at him before he, and the rest of the staff, excited
the room - he was sure they could feel the tension that had grown there and were ready to get
the hell out.
Minho was silent for several long moments, just staring at Jisung, looking like he wasn’t sure
how to start. “Jisung-”

“No,” Jisung cut him off, ignoring how his voice shook slightly on the word. He breathed
deeply before tightening his crossed arms against his chest, hoping he looked intimidating
and not like a scared kid. “I-I- I want to tell you that- what you did wasn’t okay,” Jisung
stuttering out, hating how unsure of himself he was.

Minho paused, raising an eyebrow, “oh…kay?”

“Y-You shouldn’t have…” Jisung trailed off, feeling pinned under Minho’s sharp gaze. “You
should have listened to me when I said I was fine.”

Minho sighed, rubbing at his neck, “Jisung, please-”

“I’m not done!” Jisung interrupted, raising his voice. “I’m twenty three, I can take care of
myself - a-and you… you should have believed me. O-or just not offered at all if you weren’t
okay with not knowing someone’s sexual history - y-you didn’t even ask me! You could have
asked when you were asking your other questions!”

“I know,” Minho agreed, nodding. “I should have asked - I’m sorry for not checking about
that.”

Jisung blinked - he hadn’t actually expected an apology. Honestly, he hadn’t thought he’d get
this far at all. “Okay,” He paused, trying to think of the script he had written in his head. “Y-
Your-”

“I’m sorry about everything,” Minho interrupted, smiling sheepishly at him. “I should have
asked about that - but I also should have respected that you’re an adult, and you can decide
what you do with your body. I’m sorry I didn’t respect that.”

Jisung’s jaw dropped slightly, really not expecting that. Why was Lee Minho so fucking
perfect he was making this way more difficult by being so nice and likable.

“I’m sorry for the whole situation,” Minho sighed again.”I shouldn’t have done any of it-”

“I’m not,” Jisung cut in, raising his voice again. “I’m not sorry it happened at all.”

Minho pursed his lips, “Jisung-”

“You really didn’t have a good time?” Jisung questioned, voice shaking again and cheeks red.
“B-Before you realize..? You seemed like you were en-enjoying yourself?”

Minho squeezed his eyes shut before nodding, “yeah, I was having a great time.”

“Then don’t apologize for that,” Jisung snapped. “You can apologize for being a dick, but
don’t apologize for what we did.”

Minho nodded slowly. “Okay,” he whispered, his voice dropping. “I’m sorry for not asking
you more questions, and I’m sorry for getting that angry. I just… got caught up with things
and wasn’t thinking completely straight.”

“Literally nothing we did was very straight,” Jisung hummed.

Minho stared at him for a heart beat before his face split into a grin, his head tossing back as
he laughed. Jisung grinned at the fact that he had made the other laugh with his stupid joke.

“You’re great, Jisung,” Minho admitted, still smiling as he looked at the younger. “Seriously -
you’re wonderful. You’re cute, apparently you’re funny, and your sexy as hell - you’re gonna
make a guy very happy one day.”

Jisung pursed his lips, swallowing, “but not you.”

Minho nodded, “but not me.”

“Because I’m a virgin,” Jisung whispered.

“Because you’re a fan,” Minho emphasized, “because you’re a fan, you’re several years
younger than me, and you’re a virgin - and that combination is just too uncomfortable for me.
I just can’t do it.”

“Okay,” Jisung nodded, looking down at the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Minho repeated.

“Okay,” Jisung repeated back.

***

Minho felt fucking terrible.

His stomach was in knots the entire concert, and they remained even as he watched Jisung
leave - lead out by a manager to be able to leave the venue. He rubbed at his chest, thinking
he could literally feel the ache he had left inside of himself by turning Jisung away.

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

He hated himself for kicking the younger man out that night - hated himself for how he had
behaved. He had just been terrified - scared he was just like all those other horrendous
celebrities who took advantage of their status and money to get what they wanted from
young, adoring fans.

He just couldn’t believe that his hands were the first to be on Jisung - that he had never had
anyone else touch his cock, or feel inside of him. He coudln’t get the images of him - so
fucked out, pink cheeked and teary eyed - splayed out beneath him.

Jisung was fucking perfect.

But, they couldn’t ever have been together - even if they had stayed together that whole night
and Minho hadn’t noticed, hadn’t panicked and thrown him out - he would have just been
another one night stand. Minho couldn’t have a boyfriend - it was too dangerous, being so in
the public eye. He would never do that to Jisung.

Plus, he was a fan, he had an expectation of Minho he would never actually be able to live up
to. Jisung didn’t like Minho - didn’t even know him, he just liked the persona he put on for
the cameras.

Everything about the situation fucking sucked.

He ignored Hyunjin and Felix’s questioning looks as they finally got back to their dorm.

He kicked his shoes off and fled to his room, dropping his suitcase in the middle of the floor
and climbing into his bed.

“You ok?” Felix’s deep voice came from the doorway, making Minho sigh.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure? You don’t usually act like this after a hookup,” Felix pointed out, wandering into
his room.

“We didn’t even hook up,” Minho muttered.

“Hey, a blowjob is still hooking up, ya know,” Felix chuckled, but the older man didn’t laugh
along. “You knew it was just going to be a one night thing, right? He’s a fan - and you’re an
idol. You couldn’t have like, dated him or something.”

“Of course I knew it was just a one night thing,” Minho snapped back. “I mostly just feel bad
about how I treated him, okay? I was a dick to him, and I feel bad.”

“Okay,” Felix sighed, “just… don’t get too hung up on him, okay? You know how dating and
stuff like that is in this industry - honestly you’re saving him a lot of heartbreak by just letting
him go.”

Minho didn’t feel like he was saving anyone any heartbreak, but he wouldn’t admit that
outloud.

He just couldn’t explain how the other had gotten under his skin so easily - worming into his
brain, his thoughts, and somehow, his heart. He barely knew the guy, but he was drawn to
him so intensely, it scared him.

The only thing to get his mind off the other, and the whirlwind of crashing emotions that
always came with the end of a tour, was an announcement he clicked on several days later.

His eyes widened at his phone, jumping from his bed and rushing into the kitchen where his
other two members were.

Felix and Hyunjin were each holding coffee mugs, giggling and teasing each other as
something cooked on the stove. They were definitely surprised by Minho’s sudden
appearance, shoving his phone in their faces with a frantic look.
“What?” Hyunjin whined, knocking his hand away. “I can’t see it if you put it that close to
my face!”

Felix grabbed the phone from the boy who looked so shocked he could be one of their fans -
ready to pass out at the sight of them. Felix smirked as he glanced down at the phone before
grinning, “J. Han is touring?”

“Yes,” Minho breathed, grabbing the phone back and clutching it to his chest. “They’re…
they’re having a book tour. They’re coming to Seoul - they’re coming here next week.”

Minho had hardly ever taken a day off from schedules - always being good about his own
plans being formed around the calendar his company gave him. But, no one argued when
Minho announced that there should be nothing scheduled for the day that J. Han would be in
Seoul - he would be going to their book event if it fucking killed him.

His managers had agreed easily, saying it wasn’t a huge deal to move some stuff around so
the three of them could have the afternoon off.

“Of course we’re coming,” Felix laughed.

“You think we would miss the opportunity to see you fanboying all over yourself?” Hyunjin
snickered evilly.

Which is how the three of them got to go out for the afternoon all together for the first time in
probably years. They had to wear sunglasses, masks, and Hyunjin had to hide his hair
beneath a bucket hat, but for the most part, they were good to go.

Minho was jittery as they walked to the bookstore just a few blocks from their dorm, his steps
bouncing as walked. He wondered if this was how their fans felt as they made their way to
their venues before concerts. He couldn’t help how his heart pounded, so excited to finally
get to see his favorite author in person.

He heard that there would be an opportunity for people to go through and get their books
signed - Minho had made sure to grab each of them a copy that wasn’t his already signed one
- similarly to a fanmeet signing. He would get to talk to J. Han for at least a minute - would
get to tell them how much their book meant to him, and how excited he was to meet them.

Sure, most people would probably see him as a bit of a dork for being so obsessed with the
book - a lot of people thinking it was just dragon-based fantasy smut, but to Minho, it was so
much more. He wanted this author to know that - how much comfort their book had brought
him over the last year as he read it over and over and over again.

The event was put on by a nearby university. There were banners over the front of the store,
with a small crowd forming outside, and a woman with a clipboard standing by the doors.
She smiled as the three of them walked up, “did you RSVP?”

“Yes,” Minho nodded, pulling out his phone to show her his email confirmation.
They were let in immediately, let to the back of a store where a small stage was set up with
two chairs - the MC was already sitting in theirs, looking over their queue cards and
questions. Minho was shocked by the scale - there had to be fifty people sitting in the chairs
and milling around the stage, eagerly anticipating the author’s arrival.

No one knew who J. Han was - they had no idea what to expect, which somehow mad
everything even more exciting.

“Awe, this is cute,” Felix cooed as they found their seats toward the back of the cluster.

“A bunch of nerds all in one place - how exciting,” Hyunjin teased. He propped the book
open, finally flipping to the first page - Minho was sure he had never even cracked open the
spine before just now. “What’s this even about, again?”

“It’s a fantasy about dragons,” Minho snapped - Hyunjin damn well knew what it was about,
Minho never shut up about it.

“It’s it just all sex scenes?” Hyunjin hummed, but Minho could tell his voice was teasing.

“It’s a fantasy romance you dumbass,” Minho rolled his eyes.

“Is it just the one book?” Felix asked, holding up the massive tome of a story. “Or are there
going to be more?”

“For now, it’s just one,” Minho shrugged, “J. Han has never said anything about a sequel -
but maybe they’ll talk about it today.”

“Oh yeah,” Felix hummed, “I forgot they don’t usually do interviews or anything.”

Minho was going to respond, but the MC stood up with a smile, making the crowd hush. “It
looks like it’s just about time - so we’ll be closing the doors and getting ready to start very
soon!”

The people all around them started chattering excitedly, and Minho could feel his heart
thumping in his chest.

This really was probably how his fans felt when he came out on stage for the first time for a
concert - overwhelmed, light headed, and so, so nervous for some unexplainable reason.

He was not fucking expecting the curtain to part and a familiar, sheepish smile to greet him.

He could tell the mostly female audience was just as shocked, hushed, excited whispers
turning into a loud drone as they realized that their favorite author was a guy and a fucking
hot guy at that.

He was dressed simply - a pair of light wash jeans, a white shirt, and a black blazer pulled
over it with gold-rimmed, round glasses perched on his nose. He was smiling that boxy,
gummy smile Minho was far too familiar with - knowing how nervous the other must be as
he bowed to the audience, greeting the MC and taking his seat.
Han Jisung.

Fucking Han Jisung was J. Han.

Felix and Hyunjin turned to him in sync, their mouths hanging open, but Minho couldn’t look
away, his pulse pounding in his throat as he watched his adorable, chubby-cheeked fan who
couldn’t stop cry, who he couldn't stop thinking about after nearly fucking him, sit down in
the author’s chair and whisper out a, “Hello, I’m J. Han.”
 Chapter 4
Chapter Notes

I'M HERE HELLO

THIS FIC HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD

so here, have a longer chapter

probably another will be up tonight cause i can't stop won't stop

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Jisung had no idea how he had let his marketing team convince him to do this.

He had hidden his identity for an entire year as his book skyrocketed, refusing any and all
calls for interviews or book tours or anything else that would require him showing his face.
But, with his second book publication on the horizon, his team told him it would do wonders
for the hype to finally show his face.

He had convinced his team to leave it be until he got back from the concerts he was
attending, so that he could enjoy his time in peace.

But, the moment his feet hit his apartment floor after saying goodbye to Changbin and Chan
who were being shipped back off to Busan and Australia, his marketing team was on him
with the dates for his book tour.

He only had three panic attacks getting ready for the tour - which he felt like was a win.

Plus, it comforted him knowing that the first stop was at a bookstore fairly close to where he
lived, and was even being put on by the university he had gone to, which felt fitting. He was
twitching with nerves as his managers showed him the outfit he was going to wear - far more
professional than the t-shirt and sweatpants he would have shown up in - and helped to style
his hair.

“You’re going to do fine,” his manager smiled at him, patting his shoulder comfortingly.

He really wished Changbin and Chan were here with him - the two of them knew him better
than anyone, and their time together for the concerts just solidified his love for his friends. He
wanted them to be together at all times now, he wanted Chan’s comforting pats and
Changbin’s words hyping him up.

“Let’s go,” a man said, waving at Jisung to head out onto the stage.
He thought it was overkill - rearranging the entire bookstore to be able to fit in the stage, and
even hanging a curtain so he and his team could be hidden from view while getting ready. It
made his entrance way too dramatic, in his opinion - he was an author of a smut novel, not a
damn kpop idol.

His heart was slamming in his throat, but he forced a smile onto his lips as he stepped past
the curtain - smiling so wide his eyes squinted enough that he could barely see the sixty
people all sitting there, waiting for him.

“Holy shit, J. Han is a guy?”

“Oh my gosh!”

“He’s cute!”

“The heck, that’s not fair, he can’t be talented and cute!”

Okay, maybe this would be good for Jisung’s ego - even just a little bit.

The drone of all of the voices together was louder than he expected, reminding him of just
how many people there were. He tried really hard to not trip over his own feet as he walked
onto the stage, bowing at the MC who was grinning at him - he was told she was a fan as
well, but she ran a very popular book blog, so had been invited to interview him - before
taking his seat.

He was handed a microphone, which he nearly dropped in surprise, before raising it to his
lips and whispering, “Hello, I’m J. Han.”

He flinched at how loud his voice was, amplified by the speakers around him. He heard a few
people giggle, making his cheeks flush, but when he looked out at the crowd - eyes round and
probably a little terrified looking - he saw they were all smiling back at him. They were
laughing with him - not at him.

It helped him settle down a bit, relaxing as the MC introduced herself and started in on the
questions he had already been prepped on.

“Tell us about yourself,” she smiled, “this is the first time people are meeting the infamous J.
Han! We didn’t even know if you were a man or a woman until today.”

Jisung laughed, genuinely, smiling as he nodded, “I know, a lot of people thought I was a
woman. Apparently, guys can’t write romance.”

“Yes they can!” Someone called from the audience, making everyone laugh - the slight
tension in the room dissipating easily.

“Well, my name is J. Han,” he hummed, thinking of what he had prepared. “I’m twenty three,
and I have a literature degree actually from the college putting on this event,” he grinned,
clapping along with everyone as they cheered - no doubt a lot of them were probably students
here. “I’m honestly pretty shy,” he admitted, “I usually don’t really leave my apartment - I
just sit in there with my dog and write most of my days.”
“You have a dog?” The MC asked, perking up.

Jisung grinned, gushing, “his name is Bbama - he’s just a little, fluffy white thing, but he’s
my best friend. Seriously, I never understood the whole obsession with dogs until I got him -
he’s my baby.”

They went through several more questions - her commenting on how young he was to be so
successful, especially with his debut, and if he had any tips for people. She asked him about
his future plans, if there was ever going to be a sequel, or if he could spoil anything he was
currently writing.

“Do you have any playlists that help inspire you?” She asked, looking up from her question
card.

Jisung pressed out a thin smile and nodded, “yeah, I’m actually a really big fan of an idol
group - have you all heard of Stray Kids?” he got several shouts of ‘yes!’ before he
continued. “I have a playlist with a bunch of their songs that really help me get the creative
juices flowing, ya know? They’re really inspirational - I like their slower songs a lot.”

“Were those songs what inspired you to write ‘Heartless Wings’?” She asked, holding up his
book in question.

“I definitely listened to a lot of Stray Kids while writing it, yes,” Jisung laughed, rubbing at
his neck that he could feel flushing in embarrassment.

“I’ve gotta ask,” she said suddenly, putting down her question cards with a sheepish smile,
“were you inspired by anyone when writing the love interest? He’s just… so perfect - I’ve
never read another romance with such a relatable main character and a genuinely great hero.
Most heroes are kind of dicks.”

Jisung bit his lip, hating that she was straying from their plan. “Oh,” he hummed, looking as
though he was thinking. “Trust me, Youngmin is definitely a dick - he just doesn’t show it on
page,” he laughed, “we never get his view on things right? Those thoughts aren’t always so
innocent.” He got a few laughs for that one. He shrugged, “I definitely think he has a lot of
flaws - our main character is just too blinded by his love for him to notice.”

“So you weren’t inspired by anyone specifically?” She asked again.

Jisung shrugged, not knowing what to say anymore. “I mean,” he stuttered, tilting his head
and looking away from the audience and the MC. “I guess he might be inspired by people
I’ve had crushes on before - ya know, high school loves or celebrity crushes and stuff. But
no, no one specific he’s based on.”

“Bummer,” the MC pouted, “I would have loved to know if a guy so perfect actually exists.”

Jisung smiled sadly, nodding, “yeah, I wish I could meet someone as perfect as him too.”

They took a handful of questions from the audience - mostly people asking about their
favorite parts of the books, what he thought of certain fan theories, and a whole bunch of
questions on what was coming next.

“I hate to say this story is done,” Jisung hummed, “I would say, ‘never say never’? I would
hate to close the door on these characters.” That got a loud round of applause, and suddenly
had his head spinning wondering if he should actually try planning a sequel.

The signing part was what he was the most nervous about.

People could buy pre-signed books if they didn’t care enough to wait in line to be able to get
him to sign it, and get to chat with him as he did it - but the line of people waiting for him to
get set up at his little table was nerve-wracking.

He settled down after a few minutes - as long as he could stand to stall - uncapping his
favorite red pen and smiling at the first person in line - a tiny girl who looked just as terrified
as Jisung felt, which made the entire interaction awkward, but in the most endearing way.

He was beat by the time he was through a good twenty people - but still so many people were
left.

He ran a hand through his hair, glancing over at his manager as a young man left, clutching
his now signed book to his chest. He leaned over to the side, using his arm and hand to cover
his face as he gave her a look. “How many more?” he mouthed at her.

“Twenty?” She mouthed back with a shrug.

Jisung ground his teeth together - he was gonna have to tell them that these signing events
were going to need a cap on them. He couldn't interact with 60+ people every time or he was
going to have a nervous breakdown.

“Jisung?”

“Hmm?” Jisung swung back around, plastering on his fake smile, barely registering that
someone had said his actual name.

The guy in front of him was nervously running a hand through his hair, but between his mask
and dark sunglasses, Jisung wondered if he was even more nervous than Jisung. He laughed
to himself and asked, “who should I make it out for?” as he took the book from the man’s
shaking hands.

“Jisung, it’s… me?”

Lee Minho shoved his sunglasses into his hair, pulling his mask half off, positioning it so
Jisung could see him but the waiting crowd couldn’t.

Jisung’s eyes went wide, eyes flickering between Minho’s face and his manager who was
staring back in confusion. “Wh-what?” He squeaked, leaning forward into Minho so he could
hiss out a whisper, “what are you doing here? Are you stalking me or something?”

Minho laughed at that, “me stalking you?”

Jisung’s face flamed, grinding his teeth together as he looked down at the book in his hands.
He flipped to the front page, swirling his signature there with a quick “to: Minho” at the top.
He shoved the book back into his hands, “there.”

“You’re not going to let me talk to you?” Minho questioned. “Everyone else got at least a
minute or two.”

“What could you possibly have to say?” Jisung sighed. “You’re going to say you actually
came here for my book?”

MInho blinked, mouth fishing for words before he nodded, “I mean… yeah. I did. I’m a huge
fan of this book - I-I… I didn’t know you were the author, no one did.”

Oh yeah, he had nearly forgotten. It’s not like Jisung had mentioned his profession to Minho
that night.

“Really?” Jisung stared at him with wide, round eyes, flustered as all hell. “Y-You… you
actually know my book?”

“Goddamnit, Jisung,” Minho groaned, running his hand through his hair again in frustration.
“Seriously, it’s my fucking favorite book - I’ve read it probably fifty times.”

What the fuck?

Lee Minho - his favorite person on this planet, his idol, his bias - was his fan?

“Can we talk?”

Jisung blinked at him dumbly, “we are talking?”

“No, I mean,” Minho sighed, sounding just as flustered as Jisung felt. “After this event, can I
take you out to dinner or something - so we can… so we can talk?”

Jisung wasn’t sure why he was saying it, but the words were coming out of his mouth before
he approved of them, “sorry. I can’t have relationships with fans.”

Maybe it was cause the guy in front of him - with his soft, fluffy hair, his bare face, his
hoodie and jeans - wasn’t Lee Minho his idol, he was Lee Minho the guy who had rejected
him and kicked him out of his hotel room before Jisung even got to cum.

“Are you serious?” Minho stared at him in shock.

Jisung leaned forward, cupping his hand around his mouth so he could whisper, “I don’t want
to take advantage of a fan, now do I?”

“Jisung-”

“It was nice meeting you!” Jisung grinned, letting his voice rise as he waved at Minho’s
stunned face.
“Jisung, please, don’t be-”

“Next in line, please!” Jisung grinned, waving at the next person.

Hwang Hyunjin was not impressed, arms crossed over his chest as he glared down at Jisung
who was trying to not shake as he signed the front page.

“I haven’t read it,” he announced.

Jisung blinked up at him, “okay?”

“I’m not gonna read it,” Hyunjin hummed.

“Why’d you come then?” Jisung sighed heavily.

“Because that guy,” he jerked his head toward Minho who was looking incredibly lost,
wandering around, waiting for Hyunjin and Felix, “is like, your biggest fan in the damn
world - and you won’t even give him a chance to talk to you? To figure shit out?”

“He barely listened to me when I tried to talk to him,” Jisung said as sweetly as he could. He
wasn’t sure where the confidence was coming from - maybe from simply how insane the
entire situation was. He was at his own book tour, signing his book for his favorite idols in
the world - and said idols were absolutely pissed off with him.

“Get dinner with him,” Hyunjin insisted.

“Next!” Jisung called, waving a hand.

“He really feels bad,” Felix murmured to him, that deep voice sending shivers down Jisung’s
spine. “He’s been miserable since we got back from the tour.”

“That sucks,” Jisung muttered, scratching out his signature on the page he had flipped to.

“If you come get dinner with him, I’ll give you a signed album.”

That made Jisung pause - the way to his heart really was Stray Kids.

He glanced over at Minho and Hyunjin again - the former looking truly chastised, like a
kicked puppy, and the latter looking ready to bite Jisung’s face off.

He pursed his lips before leaning forward, staring at Felix intently, “a limited version of
God’s Menu. Signed by all of you.”

“Done,” Felix said simply.

Jisung paused, scowling, “and any of the japan tour merch that I want - I didn’t get to buy
anything cause of Minho.”

“Fine,” Felix nodded.

“And-”
“What else?” Felix whined.

Jisung pointed at him, waving his finger at the idol, “something signed by you and Hyunjin
so I can send them to Chan and Changbin.”

“Whatever you want, I’ll get you it,” Felix promised.

Which was how he found himself wandering out of the event a couple hours later, changed
back into his own clothes and trying to shake out the styling of his hair.

How the three idols weren’t noticed, standing outside the bookstore looking like fucking
models as they waited for Jisung, was truly astounding to him. He smiled sheepishly as he
stepped over to them, ringing his hands together. “Hi.”

“Wow, not so confident now that you’re not signing your little books,” Hyunjin sneered at
him, getting a slap to the shoulder from Minho.

“Leave him alone,” Minho snapped.

Jisung bit his lip, looking down at his feet. He didn’t know how to explain it - but when he
put on that outfit, spoke to that audience, and signed the books that he wrote with his own
sweat, blood, and tears, he didn’t feel like Han Jisung. J. Han really seemed like a separate
person to him - a much more confident version of himself.

He wondered if the boys ever felt that as idols - with their stage personas versus who they
actually were.

“We’ll be around, so just let us know when you two are done,” Felix announced, grabbing
Hyunjin’s hand and dragging him away.

“Don’t forget what you promised!” Jisung called after them.

“Get my number from Minho!” Felix called back. “Text me!”

“What did he promise you?” Minho questioned, his voice making Jisung flinch slightly.

He looked down, kicking his foot against the asphalt as he shrugged, “he said he could get
me Stray Kids merch - for me and Chan and Changbin.”

“You’re still a Stray Kids fan?” Minho smirked at that.

“Of course I am,” Jisung furrowed his brow, “why wouldn’t I be?”

“I was worried I had ruined your love for our group, to be honest,” Minho admitted.

“No, I love Stray Kids,” Jisung shook his head, “the guy I went back to the hotel with wasn't
Lee Minho of Stray Kids though - remember? You told me I was going back with Lee Mino,
the guy who thought I was cute.”

Minho’s lips twitched up in a slight smile, “you’re right. I did say that.”
Minho brought him to a cafe Jisung had never been to - a little hole in the wall that was no
more than two tables and a single barista who made a damn good latte. Jisung thanked her as
she set their drinks down on their table, bringing over a little piece of cheesecake that Minho
had ordered as well, insisting that Jisung would love it.

Jisung nearly choked on said latte as he took a sip, looking over at Minho who was staring at
him so intensely, Jisung flinched. He coughed until his throat cleared, but Minho hadn’t taken
his eyes off him. “What?” he croaked out, rubbing at his throat.

“Are you really J. Han?” Minho breathed.

This was what Jisung couldn’t wrap his brain around - was that Minho apparently had read
his book. Hadn’t only read it, but loved it - considered himself a fan. Was excited enough to
come to Jisung’s book tour with his friends, all with fresh copies ready to be signed. “Are
you seriously a fan of my book?” Jisung countered.

Minho stared at him before deflating sadly, nodding his head, “I am. I really fucking love
your book.”

Jisung blinked at the vulnerable tone, “really?”

“I heard about it before it came out,” Minho mumbled. “People online were talking about it
and how hyped they were, including a few people I follow. So, when it came out, I got myself
a copy - and since then I’ve probably bought it about thirty times, and read it double that
amount.”

“Why?” Jisung breathed, still slightly in shock.

“I just really loved it,” Minho shrugged, refusing to look at Jisung. “I really connected to it -
to the characters - and I read it during a really rough time,” he admitted.

Jisung wracked his brain, trying to remember what the hell was going on with Stray Kids a
year ago when his book came out. “Oh, when Hyunjin was out on his hiatus,” Jisung said
suddenly.

Minho nodded sadly, “yeah, we were all a mess during that time. Hyunjin was in a really
awful place, and Felix was miserable without him around. And I just felt like a horrible
person, a horrible leader, and I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to keep the three of us
together - there was a time we thought we were going to disband during that whole
situation.”

Jisung gaped at him, eyes wide. His fingers jerked forward against their will, wanting to grab
Minho’s hands that were resting on the table, but he held back just enough, “really?”

Minho smiled tightly, nodding. “So, I read your book for the first time in the midst of all of
that - I read the entire thing in one night, and then I picked it up the next day and reread it all
the way through again.”
Jisung stared at him - his book was nearly 700 pages long, reading it twice in twenty four
hours? That was insane.

“I just kept going back to it every time I needed to escape everything,” Minho murmured,
fingers tangling together. “I… and then I found a bunch of stuff for it online - other fans who
really loved it. There was fanart and fan theories and all these posts about the main characters
and their romance. I just… got really into it? It was something so fun in the midst of such a
shitty part of my life; it really helped me - the book and the fans of it.”

“I’m sorry,” Jisung whispered, “that must… have just really sucked going through all that.”

Minho laughed humorlessly, nodding, “yeah, I don’t struggle with mental health stuff, but I
think that was the first time in my life I would ever say I was depressed. I just wanted to give
up everything - it was the first time I ever regretted becoming an idol.”

“I hope you haven’t regretted it again since then,” Jisung murmured, smiling and trying to
lighten the mood slightly.

“I’ve only regretted it one other time,” Minho hummed, finally looking at Jisung. He leaned
forward slightly to be able to whisper, “the other time was when I had to turn you away - tell
you I couldn’t be with you for a second time.”

Jisung’s heart started pounding, he could feel his heartbeat in his temples. “Wh-what?”

“I’ve honestly never cared about the dating rules of being an idol,” Minho hummed with a
shrug. “It’s always been fine with me - we can hook up with people, as long as we’re making
sure any girls we get with can’t get pregnant, and no dating unless they’re the least
scandalous person ever, aka a girl who is also an idol and does absolutely nothing sexy ever.”
Minho laughed, running a hand through his hair - a nervous habit Jisung had picked up on,
shocked that he had never noticed it before he was actually around the other physically.
“Obviously, I don’t like girls, so I was fine just hooking up with other guys who were in the
same boat as me.”

“Oh,” Jisung breathed.

“You’re the first person who made me regret being an idol - because fucking hell did I want
to take you on a date,” Minho smiled sheepishly. “I wanted to hook up with you, sure,
obviously - and it was wonderful until I ruined everything - but more than that, I wanted to
actually get to know you.”

Jisung didn’t know what to say.

Lee Minho wanted to get to know him.

Lee Minho wanted to date him.

“And now, I found out you’re J. Han,” Minho breathed, “the author I’ve absolutely idolized
for the last year - who saved me during the darkest part of my life with their book.”
“It’s just a silly romance,” Jisung said, blushing as he looked down, “It could have been any
book that helped you, mine wasn’t anything special.”

“No,” Minho snapped, shaking his head, “don’t fucking say that - don’t diminish how
important that book is to me just cause it a ‘silly romance.’”

Jisung could tell that Minho had had this conversation before - hell, it was one Jisung had
every time he had to explain his job to anyone. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have
said that.”

“I’ve wanted to meet J. Han since the first time I read the book,” Minho said slowly, “I
wanted to meet them to tell them how much they’ve helped me, how much their work has
helped me to keep going. I wanted to tell them how important they are to me - and,
apparently, the author that helped me so much just by existing, is also the boy who hasn’t left
my mind since I saw him in the crowd of my concert.”

Minho was staring at him so intensely, Jisung fidgeted in his seat, feeling like the older’s
gaze was crawling over his skin. Jisung didn’t even know what to say.

“I’m glad my book was able to help you so much,” he whispered after a few beats. “I… I’m
happy to know I could help so much. I understand because… y-you’ve helped me in the same
way,” he admitted.

They sat in a tense silence, both sipping their lattes, for a few moments too long - Jisung’s leg
tapping up and down frantically as he tried to figure out what to say.

“I know I said it before, but I really am sorry,” Minho said, breaking the silence. “I’m sorry
for how I acted that night - and I’m sorry for turning you away and not really listening to you
afterward. I know I was just being an ass.”

“I forgive you,” Jisung said, and found he really did. “But…” He trailed off, not knowing
how to put his thoughts into words.

“What?” Minho questioned, leaning forward as though he was actually interested in what
Jisung was about to say - those eyes looking at him so intensely.

“Can we… can we just start over?” Jisung asked, biting his lip.

“Start over?” Minho echoed.

“I think we could have actually worked out - or at least been friends, if we had met as normal
people,” Jisung explained, waving his hands around to try to get his point across. “So could
we, like, hang out sometime as just… as just Minho and Jisung, rather than J. Han and Lee
Minho?”

Jisung was worried his suggestion sounded completely stupid, but Minho’s lips slowly
tugged up until a full grin was splitting across his face.

Minho leaned forward even more, Jisung could almost feel his breath against his face, and
put out his hand, “okay. Nice to meet you, I’m Minho.”
Jisung glanced at the extended hand before grasping it gently, nodding with a small smile,
“I’m Jisung, nice to meet you.”

***

LMH
Tell me how the book event goes
I’m sad I can’t be there

HJS
It’s going well so far!
I’ve already done the interview
And signed a few books
I’m taking a break right now tho
Channie is here hanging out with me
I never thought I’d get to go to Australia

LMH
Australia was always one of my favorite places to tour
Tell Channie hi from me!
And I hope he liked the signed Felix polaroid.

Jisung giggled slightly to himself, biting at his thumb nail as he read over the texts. They
weren’t even flirty - but he would never get over the fact that he was texting Lee Minho from
Stray Kids.

It had been a few weeks since they decided to restart as just Minho and Jisung, and they had
texted every day since then. They talked about everything and nothing - simple things like
exchanging stories of Bbama and Minho’s three cats - Soonie, Doongie, and Dori - but also
Minho loved to send him long paragraphs of analysis of ‘Heartless Wings.’ Jisung had almost
thought the other was exaggerating about how much he had reread it, and how many fan
theories he had been a part of. But no, Minho really knew his stuff.

“Who are you texting?” Chan asked, trying to glance over Jisung’s shoulder. The younger
clutched the phone to his chest, smiling up at the other.

“Just Minho.”

“Just Minho,” Chan teased, “as though Minho isn’t the literal love of your life and your
obsession for the past six years.”

Jisung shrugged, “I told you we’re trying to ignore that we’re Lee Minho and J. Han and just
be Minho and Jisung - it’s honestly been really nice. He’s such a loser though, I’ve totally
been right about his personality this whole time.”

Chan laughed at that, “Stay would get really upset if they heard you calling their Minnie a
loser.”
“He is though!” Jisung laughed. “I can show you all the fan theories he sends me - of my
book! I didn’t think this hard about it at all, I just wanted to write smut!”

He tried to put his phone away as much as possible while he was with Chan though - he was
in Australia for the first time, and getting to see his friend really was wonderful. The Aussie
let Jisung crash at his place to save on hotel fees, and showed him his favorite spots all over
his beautiful country. He went with Jisung to all three of his book stops - the last three on his
tour - cheering him on from the side lines.

Chan was truly a wonderful friend.

But, sometimes, he was too logical.

“I feel like he’s leading you on a bit,” the older said simply when they were out to dinner that
night.

Jisung blinked at him, past halfway raised to his mouth, “huh?”

“Minho,” Chan said, chewing thoughtfully and nodding at Jisung’s phone that kept lighting
up on their table.

“You think he’s leading me on?” Jisung echoed.

“Yeah.” Chan nodded, “he even said it himself - idols aren’t allowed to date people outside of
the most pure, undramatic heterosexual relationships. Minho is a gay guy in kpop - he’s not
ever going to be able to have a real boyfriend.”

Jisung pursed his lips, slightly annoyed at Chan for ruining his fun, “yeah, I guess so…”

“Jisung,” Chan raised an eyebrow. “You’re not special - you’re not going to change the rules
of his entire company just so he can date you.”

But Minho made him feel so fucking special.

It was like the days when Jisung would pretend he was on facetime with his boyfriend every
time the idol went live, and saved the selfies he would post on instagram as though they were
sent to him personally. It was like the days when Jisung would shut himself away, giggling at
his phone as he watched Minho, Hyunjin, and Felix do their dumb, cute antics at variety
shows and in vlogs.

But now, he actually was facetiming Minho - the other insisting that he missed Jisung’s cute
face while he was away from Seoul - and he actually was getting selfies sent to him
personally - the first shirtless photo he sent making Jisung literally choke so hard he thought
he was genuinely going to die. He wasn’t watching staged shows anymore - now he was
hearing about real antics the boys got up to at their dorms and schedules, hearing Hyunjin
and Felix screaming and play-fighting in the background of his and Minho’s facetimes.

The fake relationship he had stored inside of his brain for the past six years was suddenly
very, very real, and he had definitely already started thinking about how he was different - he
and Minho were different - they would be able to figure out how to date, how to get around
the company’s rules, and how they would be able to have their happily ever after together.

“Honestly,” Chan started again, interrupting Jisung’s thoughts. “Setting aside that he’s Lee
Minho, literally one of our favorite people ever, I think he’s being kind of shitty.”

“Chan,” Jisung grumbled, “Like I’ve said a hundred times now - I’m an adult, I can make my
own decisions and-”

“I know,” Chan cut in, “but I’m also allowed to tell you what I think.” Jisung pursed his lips
at that, motioning for the other to continue. “I think it’s shitty that he went on and on about
all this ‘I can’t be with a fan’ stuff - which, honestly I agreed with him, the power imbalance
was a lot with you two - and now that you’re a famous author, he’s fine with it.”

“It puts us on a little bit more even grounding,” Jisung shrugged, “why wouldn’t that make
sense?”

“Because like, what does he want out of this? Again, you guys can’t date - so what is the
point of all this? It just seems weird to me - not to mention he’s the one to take your virginity
and-”

“No he didn’t,” Jisung gaped at him, “I told you we didn’t go that far.”

“Oral sex is still sex, Jisung,” Chan argued.

“I didn’t even cum - neither of us did!”

“Doesn’t matter,” Chan said simply, pointing his chopsticks at the other, “and I think it’s
weird that he took a fan to his hotel room, took their virginity, then kicked them out, told
them nothing could happen between them, and then was fine with everything and wants to
date because you’re an author he really likes.”

Jisung didn’t want to admit that, when Chan put it like that, yeah, it sounded a little weird.
So, instead he muttered, “virginity is a social construct-”

“Jisung, please,” Chan sighed, rubbing at his face. “I’m just worried for you. There’s a lot of
emotions here, and you’re awful at talking about your feelings.”

“Am not!” Jisung scowled. “I’ve gotten better!”

“So when are you two going to get to meet up face-to-face again?” Chan asked, tilting his
head to one side. “Or are you just going to send flirty text messages forever? When are you
going to be able to look him in the eye and communicate with him?”

“Literally when I get back to Korea,” Jisung said proudly, “we’re going out to brunch
together the day after I get home.”

Which was actually true.

Minho apparently knew all of the spots in the city where he wouldn’t get recognized - or
knew the owners and knew they would keep him safe in their restaurant.

The place Minho had told him to meet him - red eyed and yawning from his late flight - was
a very cute little restaurant with lots of fairy lights and plants hanging everywhere. Jisung
wished he had the aesthetic eye to make his apartment look like this.

Whether or not this was a date, Jisung was still unclear on. But, he still tried his best to look
nice - swapping out his sweats for a light, black and white striped sweater tucked into a pair
of jeans. He even put earrings in and a few rings on his fingers, along with a cute glasses
chain Chan had gotten him as a gift - matching the gold rims he usually wore.

“Wow, this cutie couldn’t possibly be here for me.”

Jisung whipped around, grinning as he saw Minho strolling up, a shy smile playing on his
lips. Of course the other was wearing sunglasses again, but Jisung would be able to recognize
that smile anywhere.

His eyes trailed over Minho - it had been weeks since they last saw each other in person, and
he was never going to get over how fucking hot the other was, even in a simple band tee and
ripped jeans. He wanted to touch him so badly, but, he hated to admit Chan was right, they
hadn’t actually talked about what this day was - or what they were. So, he kept his hands to
himself, just smiling as the other sidled up beside him.

“Thanks,” Jisung said belatedly to the compliment, already feeling his cheeks warming. He
looked down at his outfit, plucking at the fabric of his sweater so he wouldn’t have to look
Minho in the eye as he slid his sunglasses up into his hair. “I got this in Australia.”

“It’s cute,” Minho hummed, “but the boy wearing it is much cuter.”

Jisung glanced up at him, scowling at the teasing grin on the other’s lips. “Shut up,” he
mumbled.

He let Minho lead him into the restaurant, the older waving at the waiter in familiarity.

“Hey Min,” the guy called back, pointing to a booth right by the window, “your table is all
set!”

“Thank you,” Minho called to him, bowing slightly, before dragging Jisung over to the table.
“This place is fantastic,” he hummed, handing Jisung a menu. “I recommend any of the eggs
benedict or the french toast - they have a creme brulee one that’s to die for.”

Jisung just nodded along, letting Minho point things out to him, until the waiter came over
and took their orders, also leaving a pot of coffee and two mugs with them, which Jisung
happily poured for himself.

“How was the book tour?” Minho asked, propping his elbow on the table and leaning forward
with his chin in his hand.
Jisung hummed with a shrug, “good. It was so far out of my comfort zone, I’m surprised I
survived,” he admitted. “I think it was good for me though - my anxiety hasn’t gotten any
better, especially in airports, but I feel a lot more confident when I’m being J. Han.”

Minho nodded in understanding, “I feel that - that’s how I feel when cameras are on or I’m on
stage. I’m a different person, and I can convince myself to be more confident.”

“Exactly,” Jisung nodded, looking down at his hands that were wrapped around his coffee
mug. “But, it was nice meeting so many fans. I guess it never really hit me, ya know? Of
course I knew it was a #1 bestseller, and seeing the numbers was crazy - but actually seeing
how many people showed up? How many people wanted to meet me? That was insane.”

“You’ve made a lot of people really happy with your book,” Minho smiled, “Korea doesn’t
get very many gay fantasy romances published here.”

Jisung laughed lightly, nodding - he knew his publishing company had taken a risk with him,
but it had paid off for everyone in the end. “How have you and the boys been?”

Minho nodded, taking a moment to pour his own coffee. “Yeah, we’ve actually had some
time off, so it’s been nice. Hyunjin is home visiting family right now, and Felix is flying out
to Australia tomorrow.”

Jisung perked up at that. “He should go hang out with Chan,” he laughed.

“Chan is so his type,” Minho sighed, “but Felix is determined to not have any types of dating
scandals. He’s lucky he’s bi, so he can at least try to get a good, innocent little girlfriend.”

“Hold up, Chan is actually his type?” Jisung blinked. “Channie is gonna lose his shit hearing
that.”

“Both of your friends were attractive,” Minho hummed, smiling over the rim of his mug.
“But Hyunjin and Felix aren’t risk-takers.”

“Not like you?” Jisung teased.

Minho’s eyes wandered over Jisung’s face before dipping down to look at his shoulders and
chest. Jisung watched as the other’s tongue poked out to wet his lips that turned up in a
smirk, “definitely not like me.”

Jisung swallowed dryly, grabbing his coffee to take a sip of his own.

Their food came out just a moment later, delicious dishes that Jisung gaped at in awe. He
hadn’t gotten brunch in ages - and this looked boujiee as fuck. He didn’t waste any time in
shoving a few bites into his mouth, eyes widening at the taste.

“This is so good,” he moaned, cutting another piece of his french toast to cram into his
cheeks.

Minho giggled at him, “you look like a hamster.”

“I prefer squirrel,” he fired back his usual answer whenever someone made this comment.

“A squirrel works,” Minho grinned as he took a few bites of his own.

Their food was gone far too quickly, their conversation eating up the time until the breakfast
place had nearly emptied entirely.

“Oh, should we be going?” Jisung asked, embarrassed as he noticed the waiter had gotten out
a broom to sweep.

“Don’t worry, they know me,” Minho hummed, pulling out his wallet to hand over his card.

“I can pay my half,” Jisung said, pulling out his phone to be able to transfer the money
immediately.

“Nah, don’t worry, my treat,” the older winked. “Gotta take care of my cute dongsaeng,
right?”

Jisung blushed at that, hesitating before trying a new word on his tongue, “thanks, hyung.”

Minho blinked slightly before his face broke out in a grin again, “oh, I like when you call me
that.” he leaned forward, eyes shining, “say it again.”

Jisung laughed, face red in embarrassment, “of course you have a hyung kink.”

“Hell yes I do if it’s coming from your pretty lips.”

Jisung raised a hand to cover said lips, eyes turned up as he laughed.

“Do you want to come back to mine?” Jisung asked as they stepped out to the street, that
awkward moment of deciding to part or not hanging between them. And Jisung really didn’t
want their time to end.

Minho raised an eyebrow, “do you live around here?”

Jisung jerked a thumb over his shoulder, “yeah, just a few streets over.”

“Sure,” Minho nodded.

They were immediately greeted with an overly excited fluffy Bbama - far too excited to see
his dad again, along with new friends. Minho dipped down, squatting so the dog could lick at
his face, making him laugh. “He’s so sweet,” Minho cooed, stroking over the pup’s soft fur.
“I don’t usually like dogs - but Bbama has grown on me.”

Jisung had told the other that no one was allowed to hate his baby, and constantly showed the
puppy on facetime. “He’s the love of my life - you better like him,” Jisung huffed, kicking off
his shoes and scooping the dog into his arms. He wandered over to where his food bowl was
empty, setting him on his feet and scooping some kibble into it for him. Bbama yapped
excitedly, turning in circles until he could eat.
“When did you move in?” Minho asked, hands on his hips as he looked around, stepping into
the apartment that was really more of just a living room, a kitchenette attached, and two
doors - one to the bedroom and one to the bathroom.

“A few months ago,” Jisung shrugged.

“Have you not gotten to decorate?” He asked, looking at the bare walls and the plain couch,
coffee table, TV set up.

Jisung flushed, rubbing at the back of his head, “uh, no, I just don’t have anything to decorate
with. Plus, most of my stuff is in my room,” he hummed, opening the door and waving
Minho in.

He should have been embarrassed for Minho to see his bookshelves, overflowing with Stray
Kids albums and merch - along with a pegboard wall where he hung up his lightstick, posters,
and little fake plants. His desk was organized with his laptop in the center - ready to be
written on - and cups of pens and journals splayed out. His desk took up one entire wall, with
only a small space to walk between it and the bed that was shoved in one corner.

Jisung subtly adjusted his blankets so it didn’t look nearly as messy - pillows everywhere and
plushies lined up against the wall, a very Jisung-shaped dent in the mattress - as Minho
looked over his collection. A small smile was tugging at his lips as he picked up albums and
little knickknacks he had decorated with.

“This is more what I was expecting of your apartment,” he chuckled. He ducked down to
look at the bottom shelves.

“W-wait, not that-don’t-!” Jisung squealed, reaching for Minho’s hands as he pulled out
Jisung’s photocard book. Minho warded him off, grinning as he batted the younger’s hands
away.

“I want to see!” He laughed, opening the clear-covered binder and flipping through the pages.

Jisung just sat there, bright red, as Minho flipped through pages and pages of photocards of
his own face.

“Do you have, like, all of them?”

“Yeah,” Jisung murmured, looking down. “There’s like, two that I can’t find, but other than
that… yeah.”

“You’re so cute,” Minho cooed, bumping his shoulder into the younger’s. “Oh, look, you
even have some Felix’s and Hyunjin’s,” he said, tilting the binder as though Jisung hasn’t
seen his own collection.

“Yeah, those are the ones I’ve pulled,” Jisung hummed with a shrug, “I know people usually
would trade them for their fave, but I don’t like to. I only get rid of duplicates.”

“I know people really like this one,” Minho said, pointing at a blonde Hyunjin with purple
heart goggles on his head.
“Yeah, I pulled that like five times,” Jisung whined, “Hyunjin wouldn’t leave me alone
during Maniac.”

Minho just smiled as he put the binder back - so gentle and careful, making sure it was
exactly how Jisung had it before - and started looking over his desk. He let his fingers brush
over Jisung’s journals and laptop, “this is where you work?”

Jisung nodded, moving to organize the journals into a stack rather than the haphazard way
they were splayed out everywhere. “Yeah, sorry it’s kind of a mess, I didn’t expect you to
actually come over,” Jisung breathed.

“Can I look in one?” Minho asked, picking up Jisung’s most recent notebook. The younger
nodded, motioning for him to flip through it.

Jisung got a moment to just watch the other, his eyes flitting over Jisung’s messy writing, and
flipping through his pages and pages of writing notes. He was still just so shocked at Minho’s
absolute adoration for “J. Han” and ‘Heartless Wings,’ it was so fucking cute. It made him
feel a little better about his idol seeing his Mental Illness CornerTM, hoping he felt the same
as Jisung did now, watching his fan get to see how much he loved his favorite thing.

Minho set the journal down carefully, looking over to the bed. He glanced at Jisung before
grinning and jumping onto the mattress, kicking up his feet and lounging back. “This is nice,”
he purred, patting his lap, “come lay with me.”

Jisung was going to blush so hard, his head was going to explode. He fidgeted for a second,
wondering if Minho thought he was dumb and childish for his Squishmallow collection that
was sitting to the idol’s right, but the older really didn’t seem to care at all.

He still hesitated as he put a knee up on the mattress, wondering how exactly Minho intended
for them to both fit on his tiny, single mattress, before the other was grabbing him and
dragging him up and onto him. Jisung yelped as he was manhandled until he was straddling
the other’s waist, thighs on either side of him and hands bunched in Minho’s shirt to keep
him upright. Minho was grinning up at him, and Jisung was sure he was flushed all the way
up to his ears.

“Hi cutie,” Minho cooed. “You look so pretty like this,” he hummed, running a hand over
Jisung’s thigh.

Jisung was trying really hard to not think about the last time they were this close - his anxiety
telling him over and over again that Minho was going to reject him, shove him out the door
and tell him to never speak to him again. He swallowed around the nerves balling up in his
throat, still staring down at Minho’s chest, refusing to look up at his eyes.

“You’re so cute,” Minho said again, reaching up to run a hand over his pinked cheeks.

“Thanks?” Jisung whispered, nervously fiddling with the part of Minho’s shirt he was still
grabbing onto.
“God, sometimes I just want to ruin you,” Minho whined, his hand running down Jisung’s
chest, “you’re just too innocent looking.”

“I am innocent,” Jisung pouted, “that’s literally why you rejected me.”

“Yeah, and I think we’ve made it pretty clear I was being an idiot,” Minho hummed.

Jisung was used to his anxiety brain - it telling him how much everyone hated him, thought
he was a loser, would never actually want him, etc, - but now, that anxiety brain had a voice
in this situation. Chan’s words echoed in his ears about how odd this situation was, that
Minho was suddenly fine with all of this.

“What’s changed?” he asked suddenly, getting a head tilt from the other.

“Hmm?” Minho asked, obviously distracted with the small sliver of Jisung’s stomach that he
had gotten access to by lifting his sweater. His fingers tickled Jisung, warm and gentle
against his skin.

“Like, why are you suddenly okay with this?” Jisung whispered. “Now you think I’m cute for
being a virgin, but that’s why you rejected me before.”

Minho sighed, “I already told you - it’s because you were my fan, you’re younger than me,
and a virgin. I didn’t feel comfortable with it.”

Jisung bit his lip - he really wasn’t used to confronting people. “O-Okay… b-but you just said
‘were,’ but like… none of those things have changed. I’m still younger than you, I’m still
your fan, and I’m still a virgin - unless you’re like Chan and thinks a blowjob counts.”

Minho paused at that, his fingers stilling over Jisung’s skin. “Well, now we’re friends,” he
shrugged, “or, at least, I’d consider us friends.”

“But,” Jisung’s brow furrowed. He licked over his drying lips, chapped from where he was
biting at them, “what’s changed? Why were you so willing to be my friend, but said we
couldn’t be anything back then? Is it just cause I’m J. Han?”

“I mean, it does make the being a fan thing a little less weird,” Minho hummed, “cause I’m
your fan too.”

“But, everything still stands,” he argued, “I’m still younger, a fan, and a virgin.”

“I don’t know, Ji,” Minho sighed, sounding slightly frustrating. “It just seems different now, I
can’t explain it?” He looked up at the younger, still blushing sitting on his lap, “do you not
want this?”

“I do,” Jisung whispered, “I want this so fucking much, but I just… I still just think about
how… h-how you reacted before - and… and I don’t see what’s changed? The reasons you
rejected me still stand.”

“Do you not think we’re friends now?” Minho asked. “Like, sure, we became friends in kind
of a weird way, but things have changed - I don’t feel like I’m taking advantage of a
vulnerable, young, inexperienced fan.”

Jisung paused, testing the word on his tongue, “we’re friends?”

Minho laughed, “I mean, I don’t even talk to Hyunjin and Felix willingly as much as I do you
- yeah, we’re friends.”

Jisung’s voice was small, quiet, when he asked, “th-that’s it though? We’re just friends?”

Minho’s face immediately fell, looking sad, “for now, yeah, that’s all we can really be.”

“I don’t think friends go on dates and then sit on each other’s laps,” Jisung pointed out.

“Do you want me to say we’re dating?” Minho questioned, raising an eyebrow. “Do you want
me to say that and then you can never tell anyone about it - could never tell anyone you were
dating someone - and if we ever got found out by the company or paparazzi, we’d never be
able to speak again and you might get sued?”

“Sued?” Jisung squeaked.

“I would be breaking a contract, and my company wouldn’t stop at punishing me,” Minho
sighed.

“But,” Jisung bit his lip again, gnawing on it. “We could just say we’re friends? We just
won’t do anything PDA in public - Korea is so homophobic they never even think two guys
are dating, they always just assume its friendship first.”

“And you’d be okay with never telling anyone?”

“Yes,” Jisung nodded immediately.

“I just don’t want to do that to you, Ji,” Minho sighed, running fidgeting fingers over the
younger’s thigh again, making him shiver. “You deserve a guy who can show you off, bring
you home to his parents, or take you out on romantic dates. We wouldn’t be able to do any of
that - you deserve better.”

“I don’t need any of that,” he shook his head.

“How about we just start out as friends?” Minho hummed, raising an eyebrow. “See what
happens from here?”

“I still don’t think friends call each other cute or say they want to ruin each other,” Jisung
grumbled, quoting Minho from earlier. He got a laugh in response.

“Okay,” he grinned, “how about ‘friends with benefits’ - would that work?” His voice dipped
lower as he said it, his eyes locking on Jisung’s mouth as his hand trailed up to his neck.
Jisung squirmed under the intense expression, flinching slightly as Minho’s hand wrapped
around the back of his neck, pulling at him.
 “Okay,” Jisung whispered back, even though he really didn’t want what Minho was saying.
He wanted Minho entirely - as his - but, he guessed he could settle for just being friends…
with benefits, whatever that would mean for them. He still didn’t see how it was that different
from dating.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since that first night I saw you in the audience,” Minho
murmured, dragging Jisung down until he could tip his chin up, their breaths mingling. “Can
I?”

Jisung whimpered before nodding, “please.”

Chapter End Notes

yes, jisung's book IS supposed to be the m/m version of Fourth Wing lol
 Chapter 5
Chapter Notes

this is literally like 30 pages of smut and 3 pages of plot lol enjoy this before more plot
is introduced!

also feel free to leave any suggestions for what you want to see in the comments - I have
a pretty decent idea on where this story will go, but I'm always open to ideas!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kissing Han Jisung was a fucking dream.

He tasted like strawberries and cinnamon from the french toast he had eaten earlier, and his
soft lips were so, so hesitant, barely knowing what to do as Minho tried to ravish him. He
buried his hands in the younger’s hair - so fucking thick and soft, so easy to tug and get little
sharp, intakes of breaths in response - and tilted his head to where Minho wanted him so easy.
He was so pliant beneath his hands, Minho’s head spun with how much he wanted him.

He licked into his mouth, getting a small gasp of surprise as he bit at the younger’s lips and
sucked on his tongue. He could feel Jisung shivering, shaking under his hands, and could see
the pink blush of his cheeks every time he peeked his eyes open.

Yeah, it had been terrifying knowing Jisung was a virgin when he was a fan Minho had
plucked out of the crowd with the sole purpose of ruining in his hotel room, but now, in
Jisung’s cozy little apartment bedroom, with the smaller so shy and adorable on his lap - it
was incredibly enticing. He just couldn’t get enough of Jisung’s little noises, how much he
reacted to every single one of Minho’s touches, how easily he let him push and pull him
where he wanted. It was addicting.

He was also plagued by the memories of Jisung, naked, splayed beneath him, looking ready
to cry as Minho sucked him off. He wanted to see him like that again.

Jisung yelped as Minho’s hands trailed down to his ass, squeezing the flesh there as he
grinned against his lips. “You’re so fucking cute,” he murmured as Jisung wrapping his arms
around his neck, gripping him like a lifeline. “I wanna make you cum - I didn’t get to see it
before.”

Jisung whined at that, his hips jerking of their own accord against where they were pressed
into Minho’s lower stomach. He could feel the other was getting harder as the minutes
passed, as Minho pressed and pulled against him. Minho’s head was spinning with all the
ideas running through it - of all the things he wanted to do to the other.
He expected Jisung to catch onto kissing quicker, but he was still so hesitant, still barely
pressing back, and didn’t seem to really know how to move his lips against Minho’s. “Have
you never kissed anyone either?” Minho whispered.

“Of course I have,” Jisung gasped back. “They just weren’t Lee Minho.”

Minho grinned at that, “I hope that’s a compliment.”

“Absolutely,” Jisung breathed before taking initiative and pressing against Minho’s lips
again. He immediately let the older take over again, licking into his mouth and pressing
against his hesitant tongue.

“Wanna make you feel good,” Minho said, biting down on Jisung’s lip until he whimpered.

“You already are.”

“Mm,” Minho hummed in response. He moved, shuffling slightly and handling Jisung until
he got him where he wanted in a new position. He pulled Jisung until he was able to get a
thigh in between his legs, making the younger gasp as he was pulled against the hard, thick
part of his leg. He groped his ass, pulling him until he ground down on his thigh, a high
pitched moan shocking him as it fell out of his mouth.

He raised his hands, covering his mouth in shock, eyes wide and round and so fucking cute.

Minho just giggled at the reaction, using his grip on the other to press him down again,
feeling the younger’s dick grinding against him. “Come on, baby boy,” he urged, using one
hand to take Jisung’s chin in his hand, pressing another kiss to those pretty lips. “Ride my
thigh.”

He could tell Jisung really hadn’t done anything before just by how hesitantly he moved his
hips. He had thought the younger was just a pillow prince during their first hookup - but now
that he knew it was because he was just so pure, so innocent, it was a lot more fun. He
wanted to break him out of his shell - hear those cute little noises being moaned out of his
mouth.

Jisung’s hands gripped his shoulder and chest hard as he experimented with rolling his hips,
gasping at the feeling. He figured out an easy rhythm with Minho’s hands on his ass helping
him along, strong and insistent on him.

He whined as Minho bit into his mouth again, loving the taste of him, and loving hearing him
pant moans into the space between their lips. He could feel himself getting harder than he
could ever remember getting, just feeling Jisung’s cock rutting against him, just feeling how
desperate the other was becoming so easily.

He really was going to be fun to ruin.

He giggled as Jisung whined, pulling away from Minho’s mouth to hang his head, pressing
his forehead into Minho’s shoulder as his hips picked up their pace, frantically grinding
against Minho’s leg. “Is baby going to come for me?” Minho cooed into his ear, voice
breathy and soft. “Is baby going to come for me, humping my leg like a horny puppy?”

Jisung groaned at the dirty talk, raising a hand to cover his face that had somehow gotten
even darker red than before. His hips didn’t stop moving though, stilted thrusts against Minho
as he got closer and closer to his climax.

He couldn’t believe how fucking sexy it was, seeing Jisung coming apart so easily while they
were both fully clothed, just dry humping in his little apartment bed. Minho barely even had
to touch him to unravel him.

But, he took pity, hearing those pained little whimpers as he, no doubt, was rubbing himself
so hard it hurt against his jeans. Minho let one of his hands trail to the front of Jisung’s pants,
unzipping him easily and trailing a hand into his underwear.

The jerking flinch of a response he got was very worth it, Jisung keening high in his throat as
his entire body shuddered at the feeling of Minho’s hand wrapping around him.

“I-I’m gonna-” he whined, burying his face in Minho’s throat.

“You can come, baby,” Minho whispered, tugging on his cock in pace with his hip’s
movements.

It wasn’t more than a few moments later that Jisung was coming white over his hand. His
moan was so pretty, so much louder than the rest, his hips stuttering as they pressed into
Minho’s fist over and over again, riding out his high.

Minho didn’t think Jisung could get anymore flustered, but the absolutely embarrassed face
he was making as he came back to reality, hands pressing to his warm cheeks, was just too
adorable. “Did that feel good, baby boy?” Minho grinned. Jisung just nodded shyly.

Minho glanced around, surprised that Jisung didn’t have tissues next to his bed like any other
normal, single guy in his twenties. Jisung seemed to notice what he was looking for and
literally yelped at the sight of Minho’s hand covered in his jizz.

He grabbed Minho’s wrist, making the older raise an eyebrow, as he sputtered out an apology,
“sorry!”

“Why are you apologizing?” Minho laughed, “that’s kind of what happens when a guy
comes.”

Minho barely had a second to consider what the other was thinking before he was bringing
Minho’s hand to his lips.

Jisung might be flustered like an innocent virgin, but his lips wrapping around Minho’s
fingers - covered in his own cum - had his brain short circuiting. He couldn’t believe the
other was staring him in the eye as he swirled his tongue over the digits, cleaning them
thoroughly before licking down his palm. His glasses had slid down his nose, barely hanging
on where they clung, and his hair was hanging, soft, against his forehead.
This boy was going to be the death of Minho.

He swallowed thickly as Jisung cleaned his hand, his tongue hot against Minho’s skin. The
little fucker actually had the gall to look sheepishly as he lowered Minho’s hand away from
his mouth, giving it back to him as he looked down with those chubby cheeks still so, so
pink.

“Fucking hell,” Minho breathed. He let his now clean hand come to rest on Jisung’s hip,
letting his gaze slide over where his jeans were haphazardly unzipped, boxers pulled down
just enough for his dick to be out.

Jisung seemed to notice his bared skin just as Minho’s gaze settled on his crotch, wriggling to
quickly shove himself back in his underwear and zipping up his jeans as though Minho
couldn’t just take them off of him all together. His eyes flickered up to Jisung who was biting
his lip.

“Did you enjoy that?” Minho decided to ask, fingers stroking over the younger’s hips.

Jisung nodded furiously, “y-yeah. Of course I did.”

“You’re just so cute,” Minho smiled, “so sensitive to everything.”

“I’m a virgin, remember?” Jisung rolled his eyes - Minho loved seeing those rare moments of
sass. He felt like it meant the younger was getting more and more comfortable with him - he
hoped he’d one day be able to see him let go and be just as comfortable as he was with his
two friends who somehow got him scream-singing and dancing at their concert.

“You seem pretty open to things for a virgin,” Minho grinned, “I was surprised you got so
into it.”

“I’m a virgin - not a prude,” Jisung laughed, “didn’t you say you read my book?”

Minho hadn’t thought of that - that those very, very steamy scenes had come from this
adorable boy on his lap who hadn’t had his dick touched by another person before Minho. He
slowly raised an eyebrow, “You’re a naughty boy.”

Jisung grinned, “I’m twenty three and haven’t gotten laid before - there’s a lot of sexual
frustration there, hyung.”

Minho groaned, “why didn’t you say that while you were moaning?”

Jisung leaned down, his lips against the other’s ear, as he moaned like a damn sinner,
“Minho-hyung.”

Jisung squealed as Minho flipped their positions, pressing the smaller into the mattress and
looming over him, leaning down to kiss and nip at his throat. He felt Jisung’s arms wrap
around him, tugging on his hair with this new-found confidence. “I’m gonna do everything to
you that you wrote in that damn book,” he announced.

Jisung laughed, “there’s a lot of sex in that book.”

Minho pressed his forehead to Jisung’s, smirking evilly, “I’m going to have sex with you - a
lot.”

Jisung might have been inexperienced, but his enthusiasm more than made up for it. He
preferred Minho taking the lead, but the older quickly realized that he was eager to please - if
Minho told him to do something, or lead him there, he would go right along even as his
cheeks got red and he couldn’t look Minho in the eye. He was somehow so, so sexy while
being so, so shy. It was driving Minho fucking insane.

Even if he never got to see Jisung ever again, he was never going to forget how he looked
with his lips wrapped around Minho.

He stared up at him through his eyelashes, eyes so round and eager to have Minho praise
him. His hands were wrapped around Minho’s shaft, his lips wrapped around his head as he
licked and sucked at it. He obviously had no idea what he was doing, but he was watching
Minho for every little reaction - noticing as his breathing sped up or his soft groans - and
using those to figure out what to do.

Minho ran a hand through the other’s hair, murmuring out praises - “you’re doing so well,”
“yeah, right there,” “fuck, do that again, Ji.” He wanted nothing more than to grab Jisung by
the back of his hair and fuck into his throat, but he also didn’t want to kill the boy or scare
him off blowjobs forever - they would get there.

He watched as he tried to take more of him into his mouth, his puffy cheeks so adorable, and
trying so hard to keep his teeth out of the way. He bobbed his head slightly, testing the waters
there, and immediately did it again when Minho let out a soft moan.

Minho wanted to scream when he pulled off entirely, his hand running over Minho instead,
but he just smiled tightly down at him, cupping his cheek and letting Jisung lean into his
palm. He was panting slightly, eyes slightly glassy - he hadn’t even taken Minho far at all,
making Minho wonder how easily he was going to cry when it came to taking Minho’s cock -
fuck he was going to come thinking about that. He really couldn’t figure out how Jisung was
adorable, sexy, and every other word in the book all at the same time.

“Does your jaw hurt, baby?” Minho asked after a few more moments of Jisung tugging on
him rather than going back to blowing him.

“Yeah,” Jisung pouted.

Minho grinned at those pouted lips - he wanted to please Minho so bad, he looked so mad at
himself. “It’s okay, it gets easier - just take your time.” Minho deserved an award for his
acting skills, working so hard to be patient and nice.

Jisung took him back into his mouth only a few moments later, trying to slide further down
on Minho’s shaft. He could feel him gag slightly, but still refused to pull off, getting a loving
stroke through his hair from Minho for it. Jisung’s hand moved faster on him, starting to bob
his head more, trying to speed up his ministrations.
Minho groaned at the sudden pace change, his head tilting back as he gripping Jisung’s hair.
His hips trembled from where he was keeping them from bucking up into that wet heat. He
wanted to feel Jisung’s throat around him so fucking badly.

He gasped in surprise when he felt the other drop lower on him, his throat spasming around
Minho. He watched the younger squeeze his eyes shut, a few tears escaping to drip over his
cheeks as he forced himself to take more and more of Minho with each bob of his head.

“Baby, it’s okay,” he murmured, tugging on Jisung’s hair slightly, “Don’t hurt yourself.”

For a first time blowjob, it really wasn’t that bad. It might even be his favorite blowjob he
ever got - not the best, but he couldn’t help thinking about how hot it was that Jisung was
working so hard to keep up with him. Not to mention the fact that he was the first one to have
Jisung’s mouth on him - it made him lightheaded.

“Ah, ah, come off, Ji, I’m gonna come,” Minho said, gripping Jisung’s hair hard to tug him
off. He didn’t want the boy to actually choke from him coming down his throat.

Jisung was pulling against his grip in his hair, glaring at him as he continued to bob his head.
Minho groaned at that look, the darkness in his eyes, head tipping back in a loud moan as he
came.

He felt Jisung pull off just enough before he came to gather it on his tongue rather than down
his throat. He felt dazed as he watched him look slightly panicked, holding the cum on his
tongue, before he swallowed it entirely. “Fuck,” Minho whined, throwing an arm over his
eyes.

He felt Jisung slide up onto his lap again, abandoning his position in between Minho’s thighs.
When he peeked out from under his arm, he could see how expectant Jisung looked, staring
at him with those wide, teary eyes, waiting for Minho’s approval. He smiled, reaching out to
cup Jisung’s cheek again.

“What that okay?” he breathed, his voice sounding a bit scratchy.

“More than okay,” Minho grinned, “you’re perfect, baby boy.”

***

Jisung giggled, kicking his feet behind him as he tapped away on his phone. He clutched a
squishmallow under his chest, burying his face in the soft material every time he felt his face
flush.

SCB
No way did you actually suck his dick
Shut the fuck up
I fucking hate you
I’d suck his dick so much better
HJS
Sorry he picked me
I’m his favorite

SCB
This is so unfair
I can’t believe you’re dating lee fucking minho

HJS
We aren’t dating hyung
He’s not allowed to date

SCB
Going to brunch and then fucking back at your apartment sounds like dating to me

HJS
We didn’t fuck !!!!

SCB
Making each other cum is fucking babe

HJS
ANYWAYS
Where’s Chan
This is a group chat and it’s not really a group rn

SCB
He hasn’t responded to me for days
I think he’s hanging out with college friends

HJS
Lame
Who could be better than us?

He turned over onto his back, tossing his phone to one side. Recounting everything to
Changbin had made him giggly, slightly embarrassed, and horny all over again. He covered
his face as he wriggled back and forth on his bed - the bed he had just had Lee Minho in a
few hours ago.

He had been sad the other couldn’t stay over for the night - but had let him go, getting a kiss
goodbye (that definitely didn’t turn into a makeout session against his door, nope absolutely
not) - but he was also slightly happy to have a bit of time to himself to process everything.
Meaning he had time to embarrass the hell out of himself squealing and kicking like a
teenage girl as he remembered what they had done together.

He was very surprised when he got a familiar phone notification as he was curling up on the
couch with dinner, Bbama beside him, and ready to catch up on some of his TV shows. He
glanced down at it, balancing his takeout container on his knees as he opened the YouTube
live that had just started from the Stray Kids channel.
He grinned shyly, pulling the collar of his hoodie over his nose to hide as Minho’s face
showed up on his screen.

The idol waved at the camera, watching the comments come flooding in. “Hello,” he said
over and over, waiting for everyone to get the notification that he was live.

Jisung was surprised to see he was in what looked like a car, some light makeup brushed on
his eyes. He hadn’t said anything about a schedule when he had left.

“Ah, yeah, I’m going over to the studio right now to film something,” Minho said, as though
reading his thoughts. He held up a finger to his lips, “it’s a secret though - which means I of
course have to update you all.” Jisung giggled at how stupid the other was - so fucking
endearing.

How the hell was this the same guy who Jisung had sucked the dick of earlier that day?

He couldn’t wrap his brain around Lee Minho of Stray Kids and his Minho being the same
person anymore.

“No, Felix and Hyunjin aren’t going to be there - they’re visiting family right now,” Minho
sighed, pulling him from his thoughts. “And I was late - the managers were all mad at me,”
he smirked, “they’re always mad at me about something though.”

Jisung blinked in surprise - had he been the reason Minho was late to whatever this was?

“Don’t worry, you all will get to see what we’re doing today soon~” Minho cooed, grinning
at the camera. “It’s special, I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”

Jisung let himself get comfortable, just watching the other laugh and chat with his fans. He
leaned his cheek against his knees, smiling fondly as Minho tried to explain how to tell the
difference between his three cats.

“I don’t like dogs, no,” Minho made a face, “you all will never get me to like them. Cats are
the superior race - even against humans.”

Jisung pouted at that, finally clicking on the comments section and typing out a furious
message.

Bbama will be hearing about this!!!

He made sure to put as many angry emojis as he could before pressing send.

He didn’t expect Minho to actually see it - there were thousands of comments flying by, but
he was laughing - a howling laugh - only a few seconds later. He pressed a hand to his head,
grinning, “sorry - I forgot, my friend has a dog who I like. I’m sorry Bbama - I love you!”

Jisung glanced down at his dog whose head had perked up at the sound of his name.

Jisung typed again: He’ll forgive you - maybe - if you bring him treats next time
“I promise I’ll bring him some treats, of course,” Minho nodded a few beats later, still
grinning. He glanced out the window, suddenly realizing his car had stopped, before turning
back to the camera. “Okay, I’m here now.”

The live shut off just like that - making Jisung tip his head back with laughter. The other
always ended his lives so abruptly, it had become a meme at this point.

He giggled, his feet kicking slightly as he clutched his phone to his chest - he was so fucking
whipped, he ached to see the other again.

HJS
When will I get to see you again:(

LMH
You just saw me on live
I was literally over your house like four hours ago

HJS
I wanna see you again

LMH
You’re just obsessed with me;)

HJS
Yes.
Now tell me when you’ll come over again.

LMH
You can come over tomorrow
My dorm will be empty
No stray children to harass us

HJS
Sounds like a plan to me

Which was how he ended up at the apartment of Stray Kids.

He was in awe, just wandering between the rooms and being far too nosy, looking at
everything but holding himself back from touching. He spent a solid ten minutes staring at
Hyunjin’s art, all piled in a corner of his room with a half-finished canvas set up on an easel.
He couldn’t stop himself from opening up Felix’s closet to look at his clothes. And when it
came to Minho’s room, he rummaged through everything.

“You really are like a squirrel,” Minho hummed, leaning against the doorframe, eyebrow
raised. “You look like you’re rummaging for acorns.”

“No, I’m trying to find dirty underwear to sell online,” Jisung deadpanned as he opened the
drawer of Minho’s night side table.

“Ah, ah, that’s enough,” Minho said, quickly walking over and shutting it.
Jisung raised an eyebrow - he hadn’t seen anything too bad, so he reached for the drawer
beneath it, getting a Minho hand shoving it closed before he could see anything. “You’re a
menace.”

“Whatcha hidin’ in there?” Jisung asked with a smirk.

Minho paused, staring at him in challenge before stepping back, motioning for Jisung to open
it. He pulled it open quickly, before the other could stop him again.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t sex toys.

“Oh,” he said dumbly. Would he ever get through an interaction with Minho without his face
flushing? He felt like a damn anime schoolgirl with how much he’s blushed because of the
other in the last few weeks.

“Any that peak your fancy?” Minho hummed, coming up behind Jisung to hook his chin over
the younger’s shoulder so they could both look at the drawer.

Jisung didn’t even know what a few things were - he wasn’t dumb, he knew what a dildo
was, and a vibrator, and a cockring - and those were definitely handcuffs - but the rest he had
no idea. “Uhm,” he stuttered, closing the drawer again, “I should stop being nosy.”

Minho laughed loudly beside him, grinning as Jisung turned to him with his eyes fixed on the
floor and a blush on his cheeks. “You blush so easily,” he poked at Jisung’s cheeks, “you’re
too cute.”

Jisung glared, batting his hand away, “why did you let me open it?”

Minho slid his hands onto the smaller’s hips, grinning at him, “what? You can look - you can
pick out anything you want.”

“Stop teasing me,” Jisung whined.

Minho tugged the drawer open again, hands dancing over what was in there. “What looked
good to you? A vibrator?” He asked, picking up a small contraption that would fit over the
head of a dick. “Oh, what about a prostate massager?” He questioned, dropping the vibrator
for a different contraption.

“Minho,” Jisung whined, grabbing his shirt and burying his face in the other’s neck, refusing
to even peek as Minho teased him, continuing to pull out everything that he stored in that
drawer.

“A butt plug? What about a fleshlight?” Jisung just shook his head, continuing to whine at
each new thing and pressing closer to Minho, hiding against his throat, “What about
handcuffs?”

Jisung peeked out at that, glancing at the soft strips of fabric with a chain between them -
they didn’t look that scary, not like police cuffs or something like that. They looked kind of
comfortable, not metal or anything that would hurt to wear.
“Ah, baby boy is interested in the handcuffs?” Minho cooed.

Jisung immediately pressed his nose back into the crook of his neck, shaking his head.

“Kinky,” Minho laughed, dropping them back into the drawer and closing it so he could wrap
both his arms around Jisung’s waist.

Jisung yelped as those strong arms tightened around him, picking him up and depositing him
on the bed (which was perfectly made, because Minho actually had time to prepare before
Jisung came over), propped up by a few pillows with Minho in between his legs. The other
was grinning that goofy smile at him that he had never seen before he met him in person - his
eyes squishing upward and bunny teeth showing. Jisung couldn’t help but grin back.

“So, can we pick up where we were in my hotel room that night?” Minho purred, running a
hand up the inside of Jisung’s thigh.

“Are you asking to take my virginity?” Jisung mockingly gasped.

Minho rolled his eyes, pulling back slightly, “do you not want to?”

“Minho, I’m not a virgin by choice - it was an unfortunate series of events,” Jisung whined,
making grabby hands.

“Okay,” Minho hummed, “I can fuck it out of you.”

Jisung pursed his lips, “why do you automatically get to be the top?”

Minho smirked, raising an eyebrow, “do you want to top? You said you didn’t care before,”

Jisung puffed out his chest slightly, “I could be a top if I wanted to.”

Minho laughed harder than Jisung had ever seen him laugh before.

“It really wasn’t that funny,” Jisung sighed several moments later as Minho was nearly
doubled over himself with his shaking laughter. “I get it, I get it, I look like a bottom.”

“You’re the most bottom bottom I’ve ever met,” Minho laughed, wiping at his eyes
dramatically.

“Wow, way to use stereotypes against me,” Jisung scowled, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Just cause I’m kinda small and skinny doesn’t mean I couldn’t top.”

“Kinda small and skinny, and shy as fuck and blush at every little thing and can’t even look at
my sex toys or hear me whisper a little dirty talk in your ear without nearly combusting,
and-”

“I get it,” Jisung whined, shoving his shoulder playfully. “You can fuck me, just get started.”

“Bossy,” Minho laughed.

Which was how they ended up exactly where they had left off that night - with Jisung fully
bare, on his back, with Minho nestled between his thighs like he belonged there, three fingers
deep inside of him. Jisung was panting, hands gripping the sheets in his fists as Minho
tortured him - his fingers pressing against his prostate with every shallow thrust.

Minho leaned down, running his tongue over his skin, making Jisung whine as he licked up
his torso before landing at his nipple. He thrashed under the feeling, keening high in his
throat and wriggling his hips to get away from the overstimulation attacking multiple parts of
his body. Minho grinned up at him, leaning further up to capture his lips in a bruising kiss as
he scissored his fingers, stretching Jisung more than he ever had before.

Jisung gasped as Minho hooked an arm under one of his knees, pressing it up closer to his
chest, making him see stars at the new angle. He whined, tipping his head back against the
mattress, moaning out little “ah, ah”s as Minho continued thrusting his fingers inside of him.

“Your noises are so pretty,” Minho whispered against his throat where he was very
determinedly sucking a dark hickey. Jisung yelped as he thrust particularly hard against the
bundle of nerves inside of him, “be louder, I want to hear them more.”

“M-Minho,” Jisung whined in response, tightening his grip where is hands had buried in the
older’s hair. “P-Please…”

“Please what?” Minho questioned, pulling back just enough to look Jisung in the eyes, which
the younger really didn’t want to do. Minho’s hand on his jaw, forcing him to look at him,
was what got his gaze to flick to that intense, dark expression.

“Please… fuck me?” He squeaked.

Thank goodness Minho didn’t make him repeat himself, just slid his fingers out and reached
for the lube he had tossed onto his nightstand. Jisung’s heart was hammering in his chest as
he watched Minho stand up off the mattress to shuck of the last of his clothing. He knew his
mouth was propped open as he watched him roll a condom on and fist his own cock, covering
it with a generous amount of lube.

“You okay?” Minho asked gently as he settled back in between Jisung’s thighs that were
shaking slightly.

“Couldn’t be better,” he swallowed, nodding.

He thought he might actually not be okay at all, an anxiety attack waiting in his chest as
Minho lined up, the head of his cock pressing against Jisung’s entrance - but with the first
press of the older’s hips, sliding inside of him, he was far too distracted to even notice his
anxiety. He felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs as Minho pushed inside, going
slow enough to not overwhelm Jisung, but also not too slow - dragging out the initial stretch.

Minho’s hands dug into his thighs, his fingers bruising into the flesh there, obviously keeping
himself from thrusting in entirely all at once.
“Holy shit,” Jisung breathed, tipping his head back against the mattress and squeezing his
eyes shut.

He felt Minho’s hands underneath his knees only a moment later, pushing them up and out
slightly, making Jisung’s eyes fly open, widening as he felt the press that much more. It
didn’t hurt at all - not like he had been expecting from all the horror stories he knew of - but
it felt so weird, so full, and with this new angle, he thought he could feel Minho’s dick in his
damn throat.

He whimpered as Minho bottomed out, smiling down at him from where he was pressing
Jisung into a pretzel.

He let the younger get used to the feeling for several long beats, letting Jisung shift around
slightly, wriggling to get used to the feeling, and find a more comfortable position for his
hips. It was such a bizarre feeling - so different even from Minho’s fingers. His cock was able
to press everywhere all at once, it was making Jisung’s head spin. He didn’t even think
Minho was necessarily that big - yet he was able to fill Jisung so nicely.

Jisung made a noise of surprise as Minho leaned down toward him, pressing his legs even
closer to his chest, so that he could kiss him, so gently, on the lips. Jisung blinked as the older
pulled away just enough to rub their noses together before smiling softly, “hi.”

“Hi,” Jisung gulped.

“You good?”

“Never better,” Jisung breathed, repeating himself from earlier.

“Can I move?”

“Please,” Jisung whispered.

Which was all the warning he got before Minho was pulling away from him and rolling his
hips - those sinful fucking hips that he had imagined doing exactly this so many times after
seeing performances of him grinding on the floor. He always wondered if it really meant that
Minho was a good fuck - and, can confirm, his thrusts felt heavenly.

He started easy on Jisung, mostly just grinding inside of him, but as Jisung’s moans got
louder and longer, he started pulling out more and more until he was thrusting entirely inside
of him - pulling out nearly to the tip before sliding home again.

With every thrust, Jisung felt like his breath was being knocked away from him, tugging a
loud moan from his throat and sending jolts of pleasure down his spine. Minho seemed to
have figured out the correct angle of his hips to hit Jisung’s prostate at every thrust, and he
wasn’t giving Jisung even a moment of a break.

“Oh my god,” Jisung whimpered, eyes squeezed closed, overwhelmed at everything he was
feeling. “Hyung, please.”

Han Jisung obviously had a death wish - a wish to be fucked to death by Minho.
He screamed as Minho slammed into him, picking up his already quick pace and putting
more power behind each thrust. He felt Minho’s fingers digging into his thighs, Jisung
shaking slightly beneath him.

He was grabbing Jisung’s hands a moment later, getting him to grab his own legs to keep
them where he wanted, but giving Minho more access to fucking the hell out of him. Jisung
whimpered as he held his legs close to his chest, Minho using his now free hands to grab his
ass, pulling his cheeks apart to be able to watch himself sliding in and out of him.

“Fucking hell,” he murmured, picking up his pace.

Jisung cried out as he felt a finger sliding over his rim, pressing in just slightly next to
Minho’s dick. He thrashed slightly, not sure if he wanted to press against the feeling or pull
away, but Minho pulled away only a moment later.

Jisung gasped as he felt a hand come down on his thigh, the noise loud in his ears, but the
actual bite of the slap wasn't bad at all. He looked up at Minho who seemed to be watching
him, waiting to see how he reacted. Jisung bit his lip, waiting for him to do it again, moaning
loudly at the feel of the other’s hand coming down on the inside of his thigh again.

Minho leaned over him again, focused on keeping up his pace, slamming in and out of
Jisung, but taking enough time to grab Jisung by the jaw, pulling him up to bite at his lips.

Jisung threw his arms around his neck, tugging him even closer and running his hands
through his hair, tugging on the strands and loving the small groans he got in return. He let
Minho lick into his mouth, bite at his lips, press his tongue as far down his throat as he could
- but he also bit back this time, pressing his tongue against Minho’s and nipping at his bottom
lip.

He got a huff of a chuckle, Minho’s hand tightening on his jaw and hips picking up speed. He
pulled away slightly, Jisung trying to follow those lips he loved so much, but his grip on his
jaw held him back.

Jisung looked at him questioningly as he pulled Jisung’s mouth open and spit in it.

He was going to fucking combust.

Minho looked far too pleased with himself, Jisung’s jaw hanging open, and pressed it closed
again, kissing him so chastly on his lips.

Jisung swallowed, almost choking as Minho’s thrusts picked up again.

He didn’t even get to consider how much the action had scrambled his brain and the
butterflies in his stomach before Minho was grabbing him by the hips and flipping him over
onto his stomach. He groaned, feeling the older slide out entirely from him.

Minho helped him to prop up his hips, pressing on the center of his back to keep his cheek
pressed into the mattress. His heart was slamming in his chest from this new position, panting
slightly as he felt Minho press back into him.
He cried out at the feeling - the other was able to get so much deeper from this new position,
he could feel him in places he definitely couldn’t before. He arched his back even more
without being told to, pressing his hips back almost immediately.

He heard Minho chuckle slightly, his palm kneading at Jisung’s asscheek. He slapped the
flesh there, Jisung gasping in response, and watched it jiggle slightly. Jisung pressed back
against him again, whining as Minho slowly worked himself in and out of him before
eventually slowing down completely.

He set a hand on Jisung’s tailbone, helping to move him back onto Minho’s cock, helping
him to move at a simple rhythm, bouncing his hips back and moaning like it was the best
thing he ever felt.

Jisung was gripping the sheets, panting against them as he moaned. He wriggled his hips,
getting the perfect angle as he pressed them back over and over again. He whined, wanting
Minho to move - and got his wish shortly after as the other started thrusting again.

Jisung liked this position so much better - he had loved being able to see Minho - but the
feeling of this, plus being able to bury his face in the mattress, feeling less scared to moan
without abandon - it was definitely better for him.

“I wanna hear you, baby boy,” Minho purred, grabbing Jisung by the hair and tugging his
face out of the pillow he was muffling his moans again. Jisung whined, pouting slightly at
being caught.

He kept his head up, moaning loudly without any care, as Minho pounded into him - no
longer going easy on him just cause it was his first time. He could feel his dick leaking
against his stomach - he wanted to touch himself, but also a part of him wanted this to last
forever.

He dug his fingers into the sheets again, grounding himself as Minho tugged at his hair hard
once more before letting him drop back to the mattress, panting.

He wanted to yell at the other as he felt him slow down again, groaning in annoyance - he
didn’t want it to last forever like this - but saw him lean over to the night side table, rifling
through the drawer he had teased him with before. Jisung’s heart started pounding faster
somehow, watching Minho move things around until he found what he wanted.

“Were you actually interested in these?” Minho hummed, taking out the soft, fabric handcuffs
and dangling them in front of his face.

Jisung’s cheeks flamed as he swallowed, nodding ever so slightly.

“Can I put them on you?”

Jisung glanced around - there wasn’t a headboard or anything, “h-how?”

He yelped as Minho grabbed his wrists from where his hands were buried in the sheets and
wrenched them behind his back. Jisung’s eyes went wide as his cheek dug into the bed,
unable to hold himself up at all, as Minho tied his wrists together at the small of his back.

He felt his hand on the center of his spine again, pressing him down and adjusting his hips so
his back was arched even more than before.

Jisung let out a broken moan as Minho shifted inside of him, grinding against his prostate. He
wasn’t sure if it was how his back was arched almost painfully, his knees spread just a little
more, making his thighs shake, or if it was his heightened arousal from his hands being
cuffed behind his back, but Minho’s press on his prostate was so much better than it was
before.

“H-Hyung,” he whined loudly, wriggling back on the cock inside of him.

“Is this okay?” Minho checked in on him, tugging slightly at the chain connecting his wrists.

“Yes,” Jisung nodded furiously.

He was going to come far too quickly now, with Minho’s hands clutching his hips in a
bruising grip, slamming against him and pulling his hips back to meet him. He was truly at
the other’s mercy here, unable to really get any leverage himself with how he was position -
it made his head spin.

He couldn’t do much more than moan into the sheets, his eyes fluttering as he was pounded
into. He thought he could probably stay just like this for the rest of his life.

He was coming only a few moments later, Minho’s hand wrapping around his cock and
tugging only a few times before Jisung was screaming, jerking as his orgasm ripped through
him.

He was barely with it enough to even notice when Minho came, could only hear a small grunt
of pleasure, and then the other was pulling out of him.

He helped Jisung lay down, his hips sore and thighs still shaking slightly, before standing to
pull the condom off and throw it in the trash. He grabbed the box of tissues next to his bed,
using a few to wipe the cum off Jisung’s stomach and his own hand.

Jisung looked as fucked out as he should after getting the pounding of his life, looking
absolutely dazed as he panted. Minho couldn’t help but smile at the sight, running a hand
through the younger’s hair and tugging slightly on the locks.

He crawled back onto the bed, carefully unclasping the handcuffs from Jisung’s wrists and
tossing them back in the drawer before laying down beside him, gathering the smaller up in
his arms.

Jisung pressed his nose into his throat, wrapping his arms around his waist and snuggling into
him, needing to press as close as possible. Minho let his hands wander down Jisung’s naked
spine, tracing over the muscles there.

“Was that okay?” Minho whispered after several minutes, worried with how quiet the other
was.
“Shut up,” Jisung whispered back. Minho blinked in confusion, actually getting worried
before the other continued, “of course that was okay, that was the best fuck of my damn life.”

Minho tipped his head back, laughing, “you’ve literally never fucked anyone before!”

“It was even better than the times I’ve fucked people in my head,” Jisung said, tapping his
temple with his finger.

Minho giggled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “How’s it feel, not being a virgin anymore?”

“Not gonna lie,” Jisung hummed, “people really hyped up the whole virginity thing - I think
sex is a lot better.”

“Fucking sinner,” Minho laughed.

“But seriously,” Jisung grinned at him, “that was fantastic - 10 out of 10, would recommend.”

“Thanks,” Minho grinned back.

“How many people have you been with?” Jisung asked suddenly, “you seem to have gotten a
hell of a lot of practice.”

Minho smiled sheepishly, running a hand through his sweaty hair, “I dunno. Do you actually
want the answer to that?” Jisung nodded furiously. “Like… forty? Definitely no more than
fifty.”

Jisung’s brain short-circuited slightly, “fifty different people?”

“Jeez, don’t slut shame,” Minho pouted.

“Why the hell are you with me?” Jisung whined, “I’m never going to be able to live up to that
- I’m sure there are people who are way better fucks in your repertoire.”

“Mm,” Minho hummed with a shrug, “so far, you’ve been my favorite,” he grinned, poking
Jisung’s cheek. “I like you better than anyone else - and I’m not just saying that. You’re so
cute and sensitive,” he cooed. “Plus, it’s kind of fun getting to see someone experiment and
figure things out real-time. I’m kind of excited to show you different things.”

Jisung blushed slightly, biting his lip. He kept forgetting that Minho wanted to do this with
him - wanted to keep doing this with him. “I’m down.”

“Oh are you?” Minho laughed. He let his hand trail from Jisung’s spine to his ass, groping at
him. “Rest a bit and then we can see if you’re ready for a round two.”

“I’m twenty three, of course I’ll be ready for a round two,” Jisung snorted.

Minho grinned at him, “you really are my favorite.”

“I’m your bias?” Jisung asked with a raised eyebrow.

 “Yeah, you’re my bias,” Minho laughed.

Chapter End Notes

i'm so mad I work a 9-5 so I won't be able to post 5 chapters in 2 days again lol but I'm
going to keep writing as much as I can during the week so keep checking back!!
 Chapter 6
Chapter Notes

don't hate me for this one yall

TW/CW for anxiety attacks

“Ah, the classic morning walk of shame.”

Jisung literally screamed at the voice, covering his bare chest with his hands as he whipped
around to Hwang Hyunjin smirking at him, sipping his coffee and waiting by the toaster.
Jisung stared in shock - he didn’t think anyone was home besides him and Minho. He would
not have walked out in just his boxer briefs and glasses, hair a mess, if he had known any
other member of Stray Kids was going to see him.

He had been staying over at Minho’s apartment more than he even was at his own apartment.
Bbama was literally there with him today - the little white dog asleep on Minho’s stomach,
making Jisung coo and snap a photo before he slithered out of bed, needing coffee.

It was just easier staying over with Minho - letting them hang out together, have probably far
too much sex, and then pass out without anyone needing to get an uber in the middle of the
night. Minho didn’t have very many schedules - and when he did, Jisung would just hang out
by himself or actually make a quick trip over to his apartment. It had been nice, being in their
own little world without anyone to interrupt.

“Uhm,” Jisung stuttered, staring at the other, “when did you get back?”

“Yesterday,” Hyunjin hummed, “around like five o’clock.”

Jisung gaped at him - they definitely hadn’t heard the other come in. His cheeks flamed as he
thought about what the other had potentially heard, “oh.”

“Oh Minho-Hyung,” Hyunjin whined, throwing his head back in a mocking moan.

Jisung covered his face, groaning loudly.

“Yeah, I heard things that make me want to bleach my damn brain,” Hyunjin laughed. “I
thought Minho was murdering you at one point.”

Jisung shuffled over to the coffee maker, grabbing a mug to pour for himself while trying to
hide his embarrassed face.
“I guess you are kinda cute though,” Hyunjin cooed, “Minho always said he liked how shy
you were.” Jisung scowled over his shoulder at the other, getting a laugh in response.

“Are you harassing Jisung?” Minho questioned, wandering out of his room with a sleep
Bbama propped up in his arms. Hyunjin hummed with a shrug, reaching out to pet over the
dog’s ears. “When did you get back?”

“Yesterday,” Hyunjin repeated, turning to fetch his bread that popped from the toaster.

“Yes, he heard us,” Jisung muttered at Minho’s surprised face, answering the question he
knew the other would be thinking, just like he had.

“Ah,” Minho smiled tightly.

“Don’t break our new little friend too soon,” Hyunjin purred, grinning at the older. “Also,
you better not have told the company about your new little boyfriend yet - I want to watch
that shitshow happen in real time.”

Jisung froze at the words, turning to look over at Minho who was already staring right back at
him. They shared a long look between each other, which Hyunjin obviously noticed.

“What? Did I strike a nerve?” He asked, eyebrows raised.

“No,” Jisung whispered.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Minho said simply, looking back to his bandmate.

“Uh huh,” Hyunjin deadpanned. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you bring a one night stand
back here before - let alone multiple times, and let them bring their dog to sleepover.”

Minho pursed his lips. “We aren’t dating,” he reiterated.

“Sure, sure,” Hyunjin waved a hand, brushing them off. He turned to look at Jisung, glancing
over his body that was bare besides his boxers, and smirked again. Jisung moved to cover
himself slightly, knowing his skin was covered in little bruises and hickeys. “I want a non-
idol boyfriend I can cover in bruises,” Hyunjin sighed dramatically, “find me one.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Minho repeated.

“I can give you Changbin’s number,” Jisung perked up, always trying to be a good wingman.

Hyunjin just laughed as he strolled back to his room, coffee mug and a plate of toast in hand.
“Don’t forget we have to go to the studio in an hour!” He called over his shoulder.

Minho stared after him, groaning and rubbing his head, “what day even is it?”

“I’ll get ready to go,” Jisung said, taking Bbama from Minho’s arms and burying his face in
the dog’s fur.
“You don’t need to run out,” Minho shrugged, “don’t worry about it.” He paused, seeming to
consider this, “you can come to the studio with us if you want?”

Jisung stared at him, “like, the dance studio?” Minho hummed, nodding, as he stroked over
Bbama’s head, cooing at the dog in Jisung’s arms. “Would that really be okay?” Of course he
would love to watch Stray Kids practice - even if it would only be two out of the three of
them, since Felix was still in Australia.

“Sure,” Minho smiled, “I don’t see what the big deal would be.”

Hyunjin was not impressed when Minho showed up an hour later, dragging Jisung along who
was absolutely mesmerized about being in the company building. Minho had waved off
security asking who he was, telling them he was a friend and he was with Minho, which
seemed to be enough.

“Why is he here?” Hyunjin groaned.

“He wanted to check out the studio,” Minho said simply, “don’t be mean to our biggest fan.”

“Oh, no, I’m not Hyunjin’s biggest fan - that’s Changbin,” Jisung grinned, wandering into the
room and looking at all of the equipment kept in the back. “Hyunjin is like, number three on
my bias list.”

Hyunjin snorted in response, “wow, I’m so offended.”

“What do you guys need to work on?” Jisung asked, turning to look at the giant wall of
mirrors he had seen in so many dance practice videos.

“We have a fanmeet in a week,” Hyunjin hummed, scrolling his playlist, “we’re supposed to
learn a few fun songs to do in pairs.”

“Oh yeah, Lix and I already learned that tiktok song - from that anime,” Minho said, leaning
down to stretch his legs half-heartedly. “What did you want to do? I wanna do Queencard.”

“Hell no, we’re doing troublemaker,” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. Minho shrugged, not seeming
that invested in the decision.

“There’s a fanmeet?” Jisung said, rounding on them with round eyes. “Why didn’t I hear
about this?”

“It was announced just a few days ago,” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “Were you too busy in
this one’s bed to check your phone?”

Jisung’s cheeks pinked on cue as he glared at the other. He slowly pulled his phone out of his
pocket and opened it, glancing at his notifications he had missed from social media.

Ah, yeah, there it was.

“I didn’t get tickets,” he scowled at his phone.

“You’re literally here, talking to two of us,” Hyunjin deadpanned, staring at him as though to
say ‘are you serious right now?’

“Isn’t this like, a personal little fanmeet?” Minho asked with a grin.

“Yeah, you even met Minho’s dick-”

“Stop,” Jisung whined, covering his face and shaking his head. “Yeah, but like, I still wanna
go,” he pouted.

“I can get you a ticket,” Minho smiled, wandering over to him and wrapping his arms around
the smaller’s waist. Jisung perked up, blinking at him in awe, making Minho laugh.

“Really?”

“Sure, I’ll just ask my manager to get me an extra one - we usually grab them for friends and
family.”

“You guys are gross,” Hyunjin wrinkled his nose, looking pointedly at where Minho’s hand
was on Jisung’s ass, his other one wrapped tightly around his waist. “No one’s gonna steal
him from you Minho, promise.”

Minho rolled his eyes, but still pulled away from the younger, nodding at where he could go
sit and watch them while they practiced.

Jisung was fucking ecstatic to be able to watch the two of them practice their dance - even if
Hyunjin seemed to kind of hate him, and he had spent a literal week getting pounded by
Minho, it was different watching them as Stray Kids.

He didn’t know the song they were doing - only vaguely recognized it from maybe hearing it
on the radio or something - but squealed like a fan as they danced. Minho laughed at him
while Hyunjin glared, telling him to keep quiet or he was gonna kick him out.

“Fans are gonna love that,” Jisung called to them as Hyunjin put his hand on Minho’s ass
while the latter swayed his hips back and forth, a smirk on his lips.

“They fuckin better,” Hyunjin huffed, turning and letting Minho do a move where he ducked
through the taller’s legs. They both ended up laughing at that, clinging to each other when
Minho stood up again.

“I feel like that’s too much,” Minho laughed loudly, his face scrunched up as Hyunjin
grabbed his arm and giggled.

“No, no, it’s perfect,” Jisung called to them, making them both laugh harder.

They ran through it a few more times, giggling through it, until they both knew it relatively
well - at least enough to do it in front of an audience without messing up any of the moves.
Jisung pulled out his phone to snap a few photos, sending them to Changbin and Chan - the
younger of the two absolutely blew up their group chat, screaming at him that he hadn’t
gotten an update on the situation and he needed one. Jisung scowled only a little bit at the
fact that Chan hadn’t even read their messages for like a week.

“I wanna do Queencard though,” Minho whined as Hyunjin started trying to figure out a song
for him and Felix to do together.

“That’s Changbin and Chan’s favorite song right now,” Jisung giggled.

Hyunjin rounded on him, looking unimpressed, “do you know it?”

“Only like, the chorus - they’ve made me watch it a thousand times. They even made a tiktok
together of it when we were at the Stray Kids concert,” Jisung said.

“Show me!” Minho insisted, grabbing Jisung’s arm and tugging him up. “I’ve never seen you
dance before.”

“Cause I’m not good at it!” Jisung whined, “Changbin and Chan are the ones who actually
workout and know how to do physical things!”

“You’ve learned how to do lots of physical things in the last week,” Minho said, grinning
before smacking Jisung’s ass, “show me how you dance!”

Which was somehow how he ended up dancing to the silly girl group song in front of two of
his favorite performers of all time.

For their credit, they both hyped him up a lot - even Hyunjin, knowing how hard it was to
dance in front of people for the first time, cheered and cooed at him.

Jisung counted down with the music before jumping right into the dance, singing along as he
went - knowing his singing voice was far better than his dancing. He grinned, his wide, boxy,
gummy grin, as he posed and then shook his ass as best he could. Minho was falling over
himself laughing by the end, and even Hyunjin was clapping, covering his face as he snorted
with laughter.

He finally posed, arm up in the air and hand flexed with a hand on his hip.

“God, you’re so gay,” Hyunjin called out.

Jisung turned, still grinning, “yeah, and what are you?”

“We’re all gay, which is why this works,” Minho laughed, “Queencard is for the girls and the
gays.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m actually pansexual,” Jisung said, waving a finger at them teasingly.
“Don’t assume my sexuality just cause I’m with a guy.”

“No way you’ve ever liked a chick, I don’t believe you,” Hyunjin shook his head.

“I did! When I was in elementary school!” Jisung argued.

They ended up going out to lunch together after that, where Jisung had to admit, he started
warming up a bit more to Hyunjin - and he thought the idol warmed up to him too, at least
some. They had the same humor - teasing and pushing and shoving at each other, laughing at
each other’s expense, and trying to get the other to scowl and blush. Jisung found he was easy
to relax around, be a bit more himself - which was rare for Jisung, he usually kept himself
wrapped up tightly for a long time around people.

“I’m gonna stay here for a while longer,” Hyunjin announced, nodding at the dance practice
room. “But, you guys head back to the dorm - get a little alone time before I come back,” he
winked.

“I should probably actually head home too,” Jisung sighed as they walked back, scuffing his
feet on the asphalt. “I also told Changbin I would facetime him later tonight.”

“That’s fine,” Minho turned, smiling at him. “I’ve kept you away from your actual adult
responsibilities for long enough - you can return home.”

Jisung giggled at that, bumping their shoulders together as they made their way back up to
Minho’s apartment so Jisung could grab his stuff and Bbama. The older insisted on walking
Jisung back, right up to his doorstep. “I had a really nice time though,” Jisung said
sheepishly, looking down at his feet. “I had fun.”

“I hope you had fun with how loud you were moaning,” Minho purred back, grinning as
Jisung covered his face - loving when he got shy. “But seriously, you can come over again
whenever - I’ll let you know when I’m busy, but other than that, you’re always welcome.”

“Okay,” Jisung nodded, biting his lip. He couldn’t help thinking this really is what boyfriends
are like - not friends with benefits or whatever Minho wanted to call them. He leaned up to
kiss the older on his cheek goodbye before heading out, back to his own apartment.

“I feel like I’ve been abandoned!” Changbin yelled into his camera, clutching his heart as
Chan and Jisung smiled sheepishly back.

“Sorry, I was de-virginifying myself,” Jisung laughed, “I’m no longer a pathetic twenty three
year old.”

“Hey, it wasn’t pathetic,” Chan chastised.

“I can’t believe you’re actually fucking Lee Minho from Stray Kids,” Changbin groaned,
scowling, “this just isn’t fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Jisung quoted, sticking out his tongue

Chan was rubbing at his neck, smiling at the two of them and their banter, immediately
tugging Jisung’s eyes there. He brought his little phone scream closer to his face, furrowing
his brow.

“What the hell, are those hickeys?” He yelled, pointing at Chan on his screen.

“Yah, what the fuck, were you both getting laid without me?” Changbin whined.
Chan’s hand clamped down where a very obvious purpling bruise was, shaking his head, “N-
no!”

“You were awfully quiet the last week,” Jisung hummed, “you weren’t even reading our
messages.”

“Yeah, where were you?” Changbin pressed.

Chan gnawed at his lip, seeming to debate, “you can’t tell anyone.”

“Who the hell would we tell? I have three friends and two of them are you guys,” Jisung
pointed out.

“No, like, I had to sign an NDA.”

That got Jisung’s attention. “Yeah, so did I - I still tell you guys everything.”

Chan hesitated before looking away from the camera, still rubbing at his neck, “I- Felix
called me, while he was in Australia. I didn’t even know he had my number, but we… met
up?”

Absolute chaos ensued on the other end of the line - Changbin screaming and throwing his
phone down, dramatically yelling “why not me, god? What have I done to make you hate
me?” and Jisung squealing excitedly and asking for details. Chan, being the much more
private of the three of them, refused to say too much.

“Are you guys dating?” Jisung grinned.

Chan shook his head, smile tight, “he made it pretty clear it was just a one time thing - or
like, when he’s in Australia thing.”

Jisung deflated, feeling bad for his friend - he knew how much it sucked being friend-with-
benefits-zoned. “Ah, I’m sorry, Channie.”

“It’s fine,” Chan grinned, “it was fun for the week - he flies out tomorrow morning, so,” he
shrugged.

“You both are lucky bastards,” Changbin sighed, “but now we have two ins with the Stray
Kids - and no one has managed to set me up with Hyunjin?!”

Jisung laughed at his friend’s yelling, promising he would tell Hyunjin to text him next time
he saw the idol.

***

Jisung always slept with his phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode.

He hated waking up in the middle of the night to texts coming in, or the light of his screen
penetrating his dreams. He preferred - for his anxiety’s sake - to keep it off as much as
possible at night time. So, when he turned over the next day, grabbing it from his side table as
Bbama snuggled up to him, he was absolutely shocked at how many notifications he had.

He squinted, his glasses still folded neatly on his table, but he could see notifications from
twitter, instagram, his email, and text messages upon text messages. He scrolled slightly,
wondering if his book had hit #1 again like his fans were trying to - but there were way too
many notifications for that.

He tried to click on instagram and the entire app froze - but not before he could see the fact
that he had thousands of comments, DMs, and likes.

“What?” He breathed to himself, eyebrows furrowed.

He clicked on twitter, and was immediately greeted with a photo of himself, shot from the
side so it was mostly his profile, a hand halfway through pushing his hair off his face. He was
smiling, and he vaguely realized he was in the clothes he was wearing yesterday - not
something from his book tour.

He scrolled down slightly to the comments, eyes widening at what he read there.

So Lee Minho really is gay?

We shoulda known

This is his boyfriend? SERIOUSLY??

He could do way better

Who even is this guy?

He looks like a fag tf

Jisung was only finally torn away from his doom scrolling at a new text message popping up.

LMH
Call me.

“Minho, what’s going on?” Jisung breathed, sitting up in bed and finally grabbing his glasses
to slide onto his face.

“They found out,” he could hear how Minho’s voice shook, obviously trying to stay calm, but
just a moment away from losing it. “I was a fucking idiot and didn’t even try to hide my face
yesterday when I walked you home and now… they got photos of us together, Ji.”

“O-Okay,” Jisung stuttered. “B-but… but… what is your company going to say?”

“They’re putting together something right now.” He could nearly hear the other pacing, a dull
drone of voices in the background - he must be at the company building or something.
“Obviously, they’re just going to push the fact that we’re just friends.”
“Oh,” Jisung nodded to himself, “yeah, that makes sense.” It was easier than if they had been
a boy and a girl - it was easy to shrug off two guys hanging out together as just them being
friends.

“But my company knows we aren’t - just friends, that is,” Minho said slowly. “They don’t
recognize you, and know you aren’t on my approved list of people… they know we’re - ya
know, together.”

“Oh,” Jisung couldn’t figure out what else to say.

“I told them we aren’t dating, just fucking around,” Minho murmured. His words hit Jisung
so hard in the chest, he felt like he was having trouble catching his breath. “But they don’t
care. Me and the boys are basically on house arrest until this blows over.”

“Don’t you have that fanmeet next week?” Jisung questioned, his voice small.

“Yeah, it’s postponed for now,” Minho snapped.

Jisung flinched at the suddenly angry tone. “Minho, I’m so sorry, I-”

“It’s not your fault.” He could almost hear the other grinding his teeth together. “It’s mine -
I’m pissed off at myself. Of course I had to ruin this.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jisung said quickly. “It’ll blow over - scandals like this always do. And we
can go back to normal after that.”

Minho paused for so long, Jisung wondered if he hung up. He held his breath the entire time,
waiting for the other to speak.

“I can’t… we can’t…” Minho took in a shaky breath. “Jisung, we can’t… be together again
after this.” Jisung’s stomach fell to his feet. “Even casually - or even as actual ‘just friends.’”

“Wha-”

“I’ve worked my fucking ass off to be an idol,” Minho interrupted him, “this was my dream,
and I can’t… I can’t give that up. I can’t go against my company - and they’re not going to
let us see each other. There’s nothing I can do.”

“W-we could just keep it a secret-?”

“I can’t fucking chance that!” Minho yelled, making Jisung nearly drop his phone. “They’ll
fire me if I blatantly go behind their backs - they’re not a company who is afraid of dropping
idols and ending their contracts. I would never win the lawsuit - especially considering my
lawyers are through the company.”

“Minho-”

“No, just shut up,” Minho growled, making Jisung swallow hard. “I’m sorry - I’m sorry I
fucked this up and I’m sorry I dragged you into this in the first place but just… delete my
number, forget about me. It’ll be easier that way.”
“Please, no,” Jisung whispered, feeling tears pricking behind his eyes. “Minho, we can figure
this out-”

“We aren’t even dating,” Minho interrupted, his voice hard. “We were just fucking - we aren’t
even breaking up right now, cause we were never together.”

Jisung choked, “Minho, you don’t- I mean-”

“I wasn’t your fucking boyfriend,” Minho said harshly. “So stop it, just drop it. And don’t
contact me anymore.”

Jisung didn’t even have time to let his tears fall before the line was disconnected, leaving him
staring at his own lock screen.

He buried his face in his hands and let out a sob.

He spent the rest of the day just staring at his phone, waiting for updates and watching
comments fly by. Minho’s company did end up putting out a simple statement - basically
telling people they were crazy for making a dating scandal out of two friends just hanging
out, and denying everything. People weren’t seeming to buy it.

This guy is apparently an author

He writes gay romance

No way - he’s actually fucking queer?

I always knew Minho was a fag

“Just friends” my ass

He got calls left and right, but sent them all to voicemail, watching frantic texts roll in from
Chan, Changbin, his parents, and his marketing team.

He ignored them all.

How could he ever get any of them to understand what was going on in his head? The
swirling thoughts screaming at him that he had just ruined him and Minho’s careers - that he
had managed to fuck up his friend relationship - situationship? - with the guy of his fucking
dreams. He wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever, or go back to sleep and wake
up again in a world where this nightmare wasn’t happening.

Han Jisung, if you don’t pick up right now, our company is dropping you

He sighed, picking up the phone when his marketing manager’s name popped up, “what?”

“What do you mean what?” She snapped at him. “Your face is everywhere right now.”

“Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to reveal my face, now was it?” Jisung sneered.
“We didn’t know you were fucking around with an idol!”

“Sorry I don’t bring up my personal life with work,” he grumbled, shutting his eyes and
willing the tears away - refusing to let his manager hear him cry. “What do we do?”

“We’re going to release a statement - pretty similar to the one his company released, saying
you two are just friends. But also, we will be saying that we will be taking legal action
against anyone who harasses you for your sexuality - it’s a hate crime. Hopefully things will
settle down with that.”

“Okay,” Jisung murmured.

His manager paused for a few moments. “You’re actually dating him, aren't you?” she asked,
her voice soft.

“Not anymore,” he whispered back.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said, “and I’m saying that as someone who cares about you - not
your manager.”

“It’s okay, thanks,” he said back, his voice small.

“Take it easy, okay? We’ll handle this - but I need you to pick up when I call, okay?”

“Okay,” he nodded before hanging up.

He only realized he hadn’t eaten the entire day after the sun had set and his stomach started
growling. Bbama was also staring at him with hungry eyes - making him realize he hadn’t
even put out food for the dog. Luckily, his good boy was trained to pee on a puppy pad, so he
didn’t find any mess when he finally pulled himself out of bed.

He pulled on a hoodie, sweats, and a mask over the bottom of his face before walking out of
his apartment. He went through the motions - locking everything behind him and trudging
down the steps to head to the nearest convenience store. He was thinking about how he
should get Bbama a treat for putting up with his shit all day, when he was met with flashing
lights.

He looked up, staring at the not-so-small crowd of people right outside his apartment
complex.

His eyes were round, staring at them, as the screamed questions at him and their cameras
went off.

He wasn’t sure he was even breathing, his head light as anxiety cascaded over him, making
him feel like he couldn’t take a single breath.

He jumped back inside, slamming the door behind him and leaning against it, heart
hammering.
They knew where he lived - of course they did, Minho had walked him home yesterday when
those photos were taken.

They knew where he fucking lived.

He wanted to sit down and sob, anxiety strangling him as paranoid thoughts echoed in his
head about them hurting him, or Bbama, or his friends or family. His head was already
swirling, thinking about those photos they just took being put up online - no doubt his eyes
were red and puffy, obvious that he had been crying.

He fumbled with his phone, pulling it out before he could even think about it.

“Jisung, where have you be-”

“They know where I live,” he sobbed into the phone, gripping his hair and squeezing his eyes
shut, trying to drown everything out. “Hyung, they know where I live, I-I’m scared.”

The other end was quiet for a few moments. “I’ll be there in three hours - don’t fucking leave
your apartment,” Changbin ordered before hanging up.

Jisung sobbed as he dragged himself back up the stairs, legs and hands shaking so hard he
could barely get his key in the hole, stumbling back into his apartment. He threw himself on
the couch, grabbing a blanket to put over his head as he cried.

He got a frantic text message several hours later from Changbin, asking for his exact address,
which he typed out with shaking fingers. He got up to the aggressive knocking only a few
minutes later.

“It’s okay, baby, you’re okay,” Changbin murmured, clutching a sobbing Jisung to his chest,
letting the younger sob into his chest. “I’ve got you, you’re okay.”

“I can’t do this, hyung, I can’t-”

“Shh,” Changbin hushed him, pulling Jisung up and leading him back over to the couch.
“You’re okay - I know you’re overwhelmed and your anxiety is telling you you’re dying, but
I’m here, I’ve got you.”

Jisung buried his face in his friend’s chest, and let himself sob, clutching at Changbin’s shirt
so hard, he knew it would be wrinkled from his fists. Changbin’s arms were warm around
him, sturdy, keeping him grounded.

“What did Minho say?” He whispered to Jisung once the younger finally calmed down, just
sniffling with tears spilling down his cheeks rather than the heart-wrenching sobs he had been
letting out before.

“He broke up with me,” Jisung whispered, words catching in his throat with another sob.

Changbin stared at him, shocked, “he what?”

“He said he couldn’t risk his job over this - he-he said.. He said we weren’t even breaking up,
that we were never together - that we-” he hiccuped, rubbing at his eyes, “we were just
fucking around, that it meant nothing.”

“Ji,” Changbin whispered, bringing him close again.

“Of course I never meant anything to him,” Jisung stuttered out, voice breaking, “he always
said we weren’t dating - that we never could date. Of course he doesn’t care about me like I
care about him.”

“Jisung, no,” Changbin snapped, “of course he cares about you - he’s just probably terrified
right now.”

Jisung just shook his head.

“I”m gonna kill that fucker,” Changbin growled, only getting Jisung tightening his hands in
his shirt in answer. “What do you need me to do right now?”

Jisung thought about that for a moment. “I want to go to sleep,” he whispered, his eyes
already drooping from exhaustion - they hurt from how much he had cried. “Can you hold
me while I sleep?”

“Of course I can, Ji,” Changbin nodded, helping the younger up. He helped him out of his
sweats and tucked him into bed before sliding in next to him. It was cramped with the two of
them, but Jisung pressed as close as he could to the other, breath stuttering as he tried to calm
down enough to sleep. “You’re going to be okay, Ji, I’ll make sure of it.”

He really hoped Changbin could keep that promise.

 Chapter 7
Chapter Notes

"idk how much i'm gonna get to write cause of m 9-5" i say as i literally just sat writing
at my desk all day enough to put out two chapters lol that is not the norm, but it works
for all of us today!

this is a pretty short chapter, but what happens next needs its own start SOOO here ya go

tw/cw that Minho is a dickTM in this, also angst, anxiety, depression

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Why the fuck did you do that?” Felix screamed at him.

Minho glared over his shoulder at the younger, watching him pace back and forth. The poor
Aussie barely touched down in Korea again before he was being swept back to their
apartment and told he couldn’t leave. Minho had already resigned to his fate, phone powered
off and trying to watch TV for once.

“What did you want me to do?” He snapped back. “You want me to give up my career for
some guy?”

“If you weren’t serious about him then you shouldn’t have ever done anything with him!”
Felix fired back. “You played with his fucking feelings, MInho - that’s not okay!”

“He’ll get over it,” Minho muttered, turning back to the TV that he was scrolling through,
trying to find something to fry his braincells with.

“No!” Felix yelled, making Minho stare at him in shock - he’d never seen the younger so
worked up. “This wasn’t fucking okay, Minho - that guy is in love with you - you can’t just
toss him aside like this!”

“He’s not in love with me, he’s in love with the idea of me as a member of Stray Kids,”
Minho argued back.

“I’ve gotta agree with Lix here, hyung, this was really shit of you,” Hyunjin spoke up for the
first time since Felix started yelling at their leader. “You shouldn’t have just cut contact
completely - he’s probably freaking out. He’s famous too, he’s gotta deal with all this right
alongside you.”

“His company already put out a statement threatening to sue people, he’s fine,” Minho rolled
his eyes.
“You’re a fucking asshole,” Felix growled, stalking over to stand in front of the TV, glaring at
the older. “Fix this.”

“No,” Minho fired back. “He’s not my problem - we weren’t even dating, he knew that, I
made that very clear!”

“Yeah, and now he’s being harassed to all hell online, and he doesn’t even have you to help
him.”

“The guy obviously had some sort of anxiety disorder,” Hyunjin hummed, “he’s probably
panicking a lot more than the average person.”

Minho pursed his lips at that cause, yeah, Hyunjin was right - Jisung had talked a bit about
his Generalized Anxiety Disorder and paranoia - but he couldn’t protect the younger from all
of this. Even if he spoke to him, it wouldn’t fix anything - people were still going to attack
both of them.

“The paparazzi know where he lives,” Felix said, scrolling his phone until he could show
Minho a photo of an absolutely terrified Han Jisung trying to leave his building. Minho’s
stomach flipped at those familiar blotchy eyes - he had obviously been crying.

“Yeah, they know where we live too,” Minho huffed, thinking of the exact same type of
crowd that was outside of their building.

“He’s not used to this though! He’s not an idol!”

“Why do you even care?” Minho yelled, his voice finally raising in anger. “This has nothing
to do with you!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Felix fired right back. “You should care enough about him to not fucking
dump him at the first thing to come along!”

“The media finding out I’m gay is kind of a big deal, Felix!” Minho argued. “It’s not just
some random argument or fight or other obstacle in a normal relationship - this is my career
on the line!”

“I’m going to go help,” Hyunjin announced, moving to grab his coat.

The two of them watched him, Felix looking bewildered. “We’re literally on house arrest by
the company.”

“And I’m literally Hwang Hyunjin - I’m leaving if I want to leave,” he huffed.

“What are you going to go help?” Minho questioned.

“I’m gonna get the paparazzi to leave Jisug the fuck alone,” he called over his shoulder, the
door slamming behind him.

“The fact that Hyunjin cares more about this than you is insane,” Felix laughed humorlessly
before glaring at Minho again, glancing him up and down. “I don’t know why I thought
higher of you than this.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Minho spit out.

“You always just play with pretty boy’s hearts and then drop them - its just that you don’t
usually string them along this far,” Felix said. “I thought he was going to be different for you
- you seemed like you really wanted to try to make things okay with him, you were so excited
that your fan and J. Han were the same person but…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I just
can’t believe you.”

“Oh, I know, I’m so horrible,” Minho yelled, standing up and throwing the TV remote onto
the couch beside him. “I’m so terrible for having to drop every relationship I’ve ever had the
second it gets serious because I have to shove myself in the damn closet!” His nostrils flared
as Felix glared right back at him. “It must be nice at least having the option to date a girl!”

“You’re a fucking ass,” Felix repeated.

“You don’t know anything,” Minho shouted, stomping away from the other and locking
himself in his room.

***

“Why is Hwang Hyunjin outside?”

JIsung picked his head up from where he was curled against his pillows. Changbin was
staring outside his window, still holding a basket of laundry he had just done for Jisung
because he was a pathetic piece of shit who couldn’t get out of bed and needed his best friend
to do it for him and-

He breathed, shaking the thoughts from his head.

“Who?” He breathed, sitting up.

“Hyunjin,” Changbin said, blinking.

Jisung crawled over to the window, peeking outside at where a man who very much looked
like Hyunjin was standing up on the stairs in front of Jisung’s apartment building, waving his
arms around. Jisung unlocked his window, opening it and pushing his head partially out of it
to try to hear what the other was saying. Changbin was right beside him.

“Leave the guy alone!” Hyunjin was yelling. “Or I’m calling the cops - this is private
property. If you don’t live here, you can’t be here!”

The drone of the crowd got louder until a sharp whistle tore through it, making everyone
quiet again for Hyunjin. “J. Han has done nothing wrong, and you all shouldn’t be harassing
him like this. Leave. Now.”

Jisung couldn’t believe the other was even here - he had assumed he’d be on house arrest just
like Minh.
His phone pinged a second later, making him dive for it. Hyunjin had texted, asking which
apartment number he was.

Which is how Hwang Hyunjin ended up in his apartment, toeing off his shoes and leaning
down to greet Bbama who was very excited that Jisung apparently had more than just one
friend.

The idol hadn’t even tried to hide his face - his long blonde hair pulled into his signature bun
with a casal outift he still made look like he was about to walk the runway with. He smiled at
Jisung, who he knew he looked terrible - eyes and face blotchy from tears - and even reached
out to pull him into a tight hug.

“How are you doing?” the taller asked, pulling back to look at Jisung.

“I’ve been better,” he murmured.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Hyunjin said, face cold. They both knew who he was talking
about.

“Not if I kill him first,” Changbin piped up, coming up behind Jisung and putting a
comforting hand on his waist. “Why are you here?”

“Because no one else was about to help him,” Hyunjin huffed. “Minho is being a wimp and
our company is going to ignore Jisung’s existence for as long as they can now. Those
paparazzi weren’t going away without someone interfering.”

“Do you think they’ll actually leave?” Jisung whispered.

Hyunjin shrugged, “I hope so. If not, I really will call the police.”

“You think we haven’t?” Changbin huffed, rolling his eyes.

“I”m Hwang Hyunjin,” the idol smirked, “trust me, I know a guy on the police force, he
would come and help.”

“Oh,” Jisung perked up ever so slightly, turning to Changbin. “Hyunjin, this is Changbin -
and Changbin-”

“I know who Hyunjin is, Ji,” Changbin sighed.

Hyunjin grinned, bowing slightly at Changbin, “nice to see you again. I hear you’re in love
with me.”

Jisung was surprised Changbin managed to keep his cool rather than squealing in excitement
like he was expecting. “As long as you’re not completely different than what I think you’re
like - and you’re not a complete dick like a certain other member.”

Hyunjin scowled, shaking his head, “me and Felix are just as mad at him as you guys are.”

“Doubtful,” Changbin hummed.

“I still don’t get why you’re here,” Jisung interrupted, looking up at the taller with an
eyebrow raised, “I didn’t even think you liked me much.”

“Nah, you’re cute,” Hyunjin grinned, “I just always give the guys’ shit when they’re dating
someone.”

“Jee, thanks,” Jisung grumbled.

Hyunjin stayed for a bit, offering to get Jisung anything he needed from the store - which
Changbin interrupted, saying he had already done a grocery shop - and apologizing over and
over for the hurt his group member had caused.

“It doesn’t mean anything coming from you,” Changbin argued, “it needs to come from him.”

“Then Jisung is goin to be waiting forever,” Hyunjin huffed, “he’s not going to speak to you.”

After making sure Jisung was okay - and knowing he had Changbin there - Hyunjin got up to
go, saying he shouldn’t stay longer than the afternoon since he definitely wasn’t supposed to
be here. “You really are better off forgetting about him,” Hyunjin murmured as he pulled his
shoes on. “As much as it sucks, and as much of a dick as he is - he was right about that. It
would be best for you to pretend nothing happened.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t just forget about him,” Jisng shook his head. He looked up at Hyunjin,
holding his gaze before admitting, “I’ve been in love with him for years, that isn’t going
away any time soon.”

“I know,” Hyunjin smiled sadly, “which is what makes everything a lot worse.”

Truly, the thing that made Jisung feel the worst, was the fact that his career actually wasn’t
hurting at all because of this scandal.

His book was flying off the shelves, inching back up toward #1 as everyone wanted to know
what the book was by the author who was allegedly dating kpop idol Lee Minho. He was
getting rave reviews all over again, with more and more new people reading it. He was
getting messages left and right from his publishing company, trying to figure out how to ride
this suddenly positive wave.

His company even had him post a few things - some photos that had been taken and collected
on tour for him to eventually post over time, since he never had anything to post.

He felt like the sudden influx of success was a huge punch to the gut for Minho - not that the
older would tell him, not that the older was speaking to him.

Changbin stayed with him for weeks - insisting it was fine, that he could work from his
laptop. “I told them I was having a family emergency and needed to stay in Seoul for a
while.”

“You didn’t need to do that,” Jisung murmured, feeling bad.

Changbin had wrapped an arm arond him, smiling and poking at Jisung’s cheek, “you’re like
my little brother, Ji, of course I’m going to stay as long as you need me.”

He really did appreciate having the other around, especially on the days that his anxiety kept
him chained to his bed. He still cried sometimes, still got so overwhelmed with everything
going on and sorting through his emotions that he felt frozen in place, and Changbin was an
angel when it came to those moments.

Even Hyunjin stopped by a few more times, insisting he was checking on Jisung because
“you don’t answer your damn text messages, dude!” But Jisung wasn’t dumb, he could hear
the two of them chatting, giggling together while trying to keep quiet, to not disturb Jisung
who was curled up in his bed. He even had enough emotional capability to be happy for his
friend, finally getting to chat with and befriend his idol.

The weeks passed like that - Jisung waking up to Changbin beside him, curled up against the
smaller with a protective arm around his middle, checking his phone to see the hate
comments and jabs at him and Minho, alongside the skyrocketing fame of his book. He
would then either get up and help Changbin actually do chores, maybe post online, or even
open his laptop to look at his writing notes - or, Changbin would get up to take care of Bbama
and his apartment while Jisung laid in his own misery and pity.

He was almost beginning to feel human again nearly a month after everything started. The
majority of people had forgotten about the scandal or got bored with it, Jisung had managed
to get out of bed multiple days in a row, even going out to eat with Changbin a few times
even though his anxiety was horrible when trying to leave the house. Stray Kids had even
announced the new date of their fanmeet.

“You should go,” Jisung insisted when Changbin looked very torn about whether or not to get
tickets. “Tell Channie I’ll pay for his flight out if he wants to go.”

“We wouldn’t go without you, Ji,” Changbin shook his head, “we aren’t supporting those
fuckers right now.”

“Shut up, you’re still in love with Hyunjin,” Jisng giggled.

“Of course I am, but what type of friend would I be if I went and supported him?” Changbin
wrinkled his nose. ‘Lee Minho’ had become Voldemort to them - ‘he who shall not be
named.’ Jisung laughed at him, poking at his cheek.

Of course, when things were looking up, something always had to go to shit.

It was a normal morning, Jisung woke up as he always did - having to unlatch Changbin’s
arm from around his waist and wriggle out of bed without waking the other - and went out to
the living room to feed Bbama and catch up on his notifications and emails.

His stomach sunk when he opened his phone to more notifications than he had gotten in a
long time - flashbacks of that morning echoing in his brain as he slowly clicked on instagram.
He scrolled with shaking hands, trying to see if something had happened - if anything was
wrong.
He didn’t figure it out until he opened twitter - again, always the best place to find the
shittiest stuff.

He found several news articles - mostly just gossip tabloids - but all with the same
screenshotted tweet as their focus and headline.

”I can prove ‘Heartless Wings’ is a Stray Kids fanfiction

Jisung’s blood went cold. He gnawed on his lip and thumb nail as he scrolled through each
article - each of them citing the same person and their tweets. Jisung didn’t recognize the
person - with a profile photo of Felix and a vague name, no actual personal information on
their page.

Who the hell were they?

They’re probably no one, Jisung thought, they’re probably just a fan who read it when it was
first online as a fanfic… and probably only just now discovered it again when ‘Heartless
Wings’ blew up again.

His heart sank further as he opened up the original tweet thread. Right there, embedded in the
tweets, were screenshots of his fanfiction account and how his original novel was published -
“Youngmin” being Minho, and his main character “Jisoo” being his “original character” -
Jisung.

He grabbed at his hair, tugging it slightly until it hurt - needing to focus himself as he dug
through what others were saying about it.

Some people were agreeing - mentioning having read it before (which makes sense, it had
hundreds of thousands of hits back in the day) - and some people were arguing that fanfic
was harmless, a lot of novels nowadays started out as fanfic. But, the majority of people were
pointing out the blatant self-insertion, and the fact that the guy he had been writing the
fanfiction about was the same one he had been accused of dating a month before.

People were right back to talking about them - but this time, it had turned on Jisung.

wait thats so creepy

Minho’s boyfriend was a stray kids fan?? Writing fanfic??

Ew get this creep away from minho!!

“Ch-Changbin?” Jisung called, fumbling to his feet and opening his bedroom door, eyes
wide. Changbin groaned as the younger shook him awake, shoving his phone in his face
before his eyes were even fully open. Changbin took it, squinting at the phone for several
long seconds before sitting up, eyes going wide.

“Oh, shit,” Changbin murmured.

“Yeah, shit,” Jisung breathed.

Jisung flinched as a loud, echoing bang came from his door. He looked over his shoulder,
wide eyed, before back at Changbin who looked just as surprised by the sudden, aggressive
knocking. The older stood quickly, shoving Jisung behind him as he went out to the door in
only his boxers.

He pressed his eye to the peep hole, furrowing his brow. “They’re covering it,” he mumbled.

“Well, don’t open it!” Jisung hissed as the pounding got louder and more determined.

Changbin glanced back at him and then at the door, pursing his lips as he kept the chain in
place before opening the door just a crack to see outside.

“You fucking creep!” MInho yelled, trying to shove his shoulder into the space. “That book is
about me?! Are you kidding?”

Jisung fell backwards, landing straight on his ass, as he tried to shuffle back, away from the
angry man trying to break his door down. Changbin tried to shove it closed, yelling at him to
back off.

“You knew how much that book meant to me, Han Jisung!” Minho yelled, and Jisung finally
noticed that it looked like he had been crying. “You knew that - and you didn’t fucking tell
me!”

“Changbin wait,” Jisung said scrambling to his feet. He grabbed the other around his arm,
shaking his head, “just let him in - I want to talk to him.”

Changbin looked at him like he was nuts, but he stopped tring to shove the door closed.
Minho stopped pushing against it, just staring through the small crack and panting slightly -
Jisng could see how red his eyes were. “If I let you in, you can’t attack him,” Changbin
warned.

“I’m not gonna,” Minho breathed - Jisung could hear the slight shake there.

Changbin stil hesitated a second before opening the door, letting the older in.

He looked like a mess - so at least they were on even ground. His hair looked like he had
been tugging on it, his eyes red and skin around them blotchy. He looked like he had thrown
on a hoodie that was laying on his floor and random pants to run over here in. His hands were
balled into fists, flexing and relaxing as he stood there, staring at Jisung.

“Hi,” Jisung said dumbly.

“Fuck you,” Minho breathed back.

Jisung glanced over at Changbin, “can you…?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone with this guy,” Changbin grumbled, glaring at Minho with
his arms crossed over his chest.

“Just sit in the bedroom, give us a second,” Jisung pleaded.

Changbin looked pissed, but did as the younger asked.

“You moved on fast,” Minho bit out once the bedroom door was closed.

Jisung blinked at him, confused. “Changbin?” He asked after a moment, “you think I’m with
Changbin?”

“Why else would he be here?” Minho challenged.

“Because he’s my best friend?” Jisung said in slight awe, his voice stilting upward as though
in question. “Because I’ve been a nervous wreck for a month and have barely been able to
leave my house because of my anxiety? Because I’ve been in such a bad depressive episode I
can barely get out of bed to feed my dog, so my best friend is here to help take care of me
cause I can’t take care of myself right now?”

Minho looked properly chastised at that, softening slightly and looking more worried than
angry. “Jisung-”

“No,” Jisung shook his head, “you don’t get to cause this, go radio silent for a month, and
then walk in here and pretend you care.”

He watched the muscle flex in Minho’s neck as he ground his jaw, “okay.”

“Just say what you came here to say,” Jisung said, motioning to him to speak.

Minho licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Why… didn’t you tell me about ‘Heartless
Wings’?” Jisung hated how hurt he sounded - could see it in his eyes as he stared at Jisung,
just wanting answers.

“How was I supposed to tell you?” He whispered back. “You acted so… normal about me
being your fan, and you loved my book so much - how was I supposed to tell you it was a
fanfiction about you?”

“I told you how much I related to the main character,” he whispered, looking down as though
looking at Jisung hurt him. “I told you… how much that entire book meant to me, how much
it kept me going last year, and you just… you should have told me.”

“And you would have reacted like this,” Jisung said, waving at Minho’s temper tantrum. “I
know how fucking creepy it is as a fanfiction - trust me, I fucking get it, especially the self-
insert, but back then I just wrote it for fun. I had no idea it would actually get published - or
that you would read it!”

“You should have told me,” Minho repeated, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you - I’m sorry I hurt you - is that what you want me to say?” Jisung
yelled, throwing his hands up, his voice rising as he continued. “I’m sorry I ever was your
fucking fan pr wrote my books or went to your stupid concerts or ever fucking met you! I”m
sorry I ruined your life!”
MInho looked up at him, his face stoney - the expression he usually had for cameras or on
stage, not that he usually had with Jisung.

“Are you going to apologize to me?” Jisung questioned. “Are you going to apologize for
leading me on? Making me believe you had real feelings for me?”

“I never said that to you,” Minho shook his head, “I told you over and over again that we
weren’t together.”

Jisung wanted to scream - mostly because, Minho was right.

Even during that perfect week together, in their own little world with no one to bother them,
in between chaste kisses and Minho fucking into him, Jisung always tried to get closer - tried
to pull down the other’s walls just that little bit more. And every time he was met with
resistence.

“We’re not dating,” Minho had shaken his head with a laugh as Jisung whined about what a
mean boyfriend he was after biting a bruise into his ass cheek.

“I’m not your boyfriend,” he had reminded Jisung as he cuddled against him, nose at his
throat.

“We aren’t together.”

“We can’t ever be together.”

“We’re just friends with benefits.”

All of those were words he had echoed over and over against Jisung’s skin, while holding
him, while inside of him - and they had never changed.

“You knew how I felt about you,” Jisung said, “you knew I was in love with you - you… you
knew. You shouldn’t have strung me along like that - when you knew that it was different for
me.”

“You should have been an adult and listened to me when I told you we were just fucking
around,” Minho said sharply, making Jisung suck in a quick breath. “It’s not my fault you
made up a fantasy in your head.”

“But you never stopped me,” Jisung whispered. “You acted like my boyfriend - you took me
on dates and to the dance studio, and held me, and-and- you acted like you cared. You told
me you cared about me when you found out I was J. Han - why can’t you admit that you had
feelings for me too?”

“I didn’t,” Minho snapped, “I was just blinded by the fact that you were my favorite author.
Those aren’t real feelings - a fan and their idol? It’s not real, Jisung, and it never will be -
those aren’t real feelings of love, it’s just obsession.”

Jisung stared at him, jaw propped open, “you-”

 “That’s all you feel to me, too,” Minho scoffed, “you don’t actually care about me - your
infatuation with Stray Kids’ Minho doesn’t let you actually see me.”

“But I did,” Jisung whispered. “Yeah, it might have started as just being obsessed with Lee
Minho but… over the weeks I fell for you - not some kpop idol or persona, I fell for you,
Minho.”

Minho rolled his eyes, “you don’t even know me.”

“Cause you would barely let me get to know you,” Jisung argued. “But I still fell in love with
you - with your stupid jokes and how passionate you get about random subjects, how you’d
text me paragraphs of analysis about whatever was currently interesting you. I loved
whenever we would just cuddle together and talk and you’d actually let me inside that thick
skull of yours - I didn’t get to know much, but I still loved what I got to see.”

Minho stared at him for a long few seconds. Jisung watched as his adam’s apple moved as he
swallowed. “You keep… you keep saying it in past tense.”

Jisung blinked, “what-?”

“You keep saying ‘loveD’ and ‘did’ and ‘felt’,” Minho whispered.

JIsung clenched his jaw, “what do you want me to say? That I still have those feelings?” He
glanced Minho up and down, “after you treated me like this?”

“You’re my fan - I didn’t think anything could make you hate me,” Minho shrugged.

“And you’re my fan - I didn’t think anything could make you hate my book,” Jisung shot
back.

Minho glanced around for a second before muttering, “I shouldn’t have come.”

Jisung crossed his arms over his chest, “yeah, probably not.”

And so, Jisung watched Lee Minho turn and walk through his door, the frame rattling as it
slammed behind him. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold himself together,
refusing to let himself cry another tear over this man - especially as he would probably never
see him again.

Chapter End Notes

seriously, no more chapter updates until tomorrow afternoon i swear LOL

 Chapter 8
Chapter Notes

don't hate me for this one

TW/CW violent, very aggressive sex, slightly dubious consent but not really but I
figured I'd warn, degrading language

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Somehow, Jisung convinced Chan and Changbin to go to the Stray Kids fanmeet.

They had argued with him the entire way there, even as they were taking their seats - telling
Jisung this was ridiculous, and that they should just leave now. Jisung had just shaken his
head every step of the way, insisting that he wanted to go. If, for no other reason, than he
loved to spend time with his friends - and this silly idol group was what brought them
together. Chan had complained the entire time he was at the airport, on the plane over, and
the moment he touched down to his friend’s greeting him with open arms. “You’re crazy,” he
laughed at Jisung.

He even found himself getting excited, just like he always did when it came to Stray Kids,
even with how much hurt they had brought him - he couldn’t help it. His love of the group
Stray Kids just felt so separate to the real life people, it made it easier to ignore.

They hadn’t gotten front row tickets, joking about how that had gotten them into this crazy
mess in the first place, and they could be content being normal fans with normal tickets.

Jisung had convinced them to treat this as a normal concert - getting them to dress up and
hyping them up as they all got ready. He even made sure to clip a cute photocard onto each of
their belt loops, the perfect Stray Kids trio with their biases.

“Is he really still your bias?” Changbin questioned, eyebrow raised, “I can give you one of
my Hyunjins if you want.”

“Yeah,” Jisung shrugged, “he is still my bias - that hasn’t changed.”

“You’re so weird,” Chan shook his head.

Jisung just smiled, unable to explain that it was going to be difficult to give up his bias - and
all the fond memories he had of before all of this, of relying so heavily on Minho’s lives,
videos, and social media updates. He couldn’t give up that comfort.

“We should just stan TXT, become MOA,” Chan said suddenly, grinning at them.
“I literally do like them. I’m not a damn solo stan like you two,” Changbin huffed, crossing
his arms over his chest, “Yeonjun is like, right after Hyunjin for my favorite people.”

“You have a type, hyung,” Jisung giggled.

“Hell yeah I do,” Changbin grinned right back,

The event was fun, Jisung had a good time chatting with the people around them in their
seats, laughing along with a few of them as they discussed their favorite members. He even
had a very small few recognize him, asking for an autograph and gushing to him about his
book. None of them even mentioned his scandal with Minho - seeming far more interested in
his success rather than his downfall.

“Who are you and what have you done with Jisung?” Chan questioned, eyebrows raised as
Jisung waved away a young girl who had asked him to take a selfie.

He turned to his friend, “what do you mean?”

“The Han Jisung I know would never have been able to talk to this many people,” Chan said
simply. “He could barely even go to a concert without having an anxiety attack - and
definitely was too terrified to talk to fans before the show.”

“The Han Jisung we know literally couldn’t stop sobbing the first concert and then was a shy
little introvert the rest of the time,” Changbin added.

Jisung thought for a moment before shrugging, “I dunno, I guess I’m a lot less anxious about
this type of stuff?” He tilted his head back, barking out a laugh, “maybe it’s cause I have way
more anxiety about way more things - like trying to leave my house to go to the grocery
store, or figuring out how a meeting with a PR company works.” His smile faded ever so
slightly as he shrugged again, “Stray Kids have always been my anxiety coping mechanism -
they’re my safe space, even with everything. So, I’m just excited to be here to have fun I
guess.”

“You make no sense,” Changbin deadpanned, getting another laugh out of their youngest.

And he did have fun - cheering and jumping up and down in his seat, chanting loudly from
his section, knowing the boys couldn’t hear him from how far back they were. He waved his
lightstick around, no longer afraid to scream his lungs out.

He clung to Changbin during slow songs, and laughed loudly, teasing, at Chan whenever
Felix did something sexy. He screamed and hid his face along with everyone else when
Minho and Hyunjin performed troublemaker. He cooed at Felix’s cute dance, cheered for
Hyunjin’s freestyle rap, and laughed at Minho’s dumb jokes.

Here, like this, he could almost forget everything, and just happily be a fan again.

“Unfortunately, we’re already at our last performance for tonight,” Minho hummed into his
microphone, looking around the audience with a sad smile as they booed and yelled “no!’
back at him.
“Yah!” Jisung yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth as he yelled, “you can’t go yet,
hyung!” His voice seemed to carry easily, deeper among the mostly-female voices of the
audience. He got a few laughs around him, and he could have sworn Minho smirked.

“I know, I know, but we’ll be back soon, we promise,” he smiled, that big smile that Jisung
knew was just for the cameras. “We thank you all so much for coming, and we hope to see
you again.”

Jisung sang along to their final song, waving his lightstick around, joining in with everyone
else. He waved to Hyunjin and Felix as they wandered around the stage, waving at everyone
and making as many hearts as they possibly could. They didn’t see the three of them, Chan
and Changbin didn’t even try, they were too far back.

Jisung sat down as they seemed to be wrapping up, groaning at his legs aching - maybe he
really was getting old.

“Jisung,” Changbin said, grabbing his arm.

“What?” He whined, very annoyed at having to stand up again.

Minho was staring at them, eyebrows furrowed and doing a double take like he couldn’t
believe his eyes.

Changbin raised a hand and flipped him off, which definitely shook the idol out of his stupor.

Jisung had been told to not write cliches because they were, well, very cheesy, and far too
overdone. But, he swore, when Minho looked at him, it really was the cliche of everything
else falling away until it was just the two of them - staring each other down. He couldn’t
really tell what expression the other was wearing was - mostly confusion, possibly a little
hurt, and a little anger.

“Stay.” He saw the word so clear on Minho’s lips, his eyes suddenly hard.

Jisung furrowed his brow, tilting his head to one side in question.

“Stay,” Minho repeated.

Jisung finally understood - remembering when the older had ordered him to stay after the
concert, so they could talk.

He had nothing to say to Minho - couldn’t think of a single thing the other might say to him.

But, he nodded, just once, to tell him “okay.”

Minho nodded to himself, seemed to suddenly remember he was an idol with thousands of
cameras on him, and put that fake smile back on his lips as he waved at everyone who wasn’t
Han Jisung.

“You can’t be serious, you’re actually going to talk to him?” Chan gaped at him when Jisung
explained what their little interaction had meant.
“I want to know what he’s going to say,” Jisung shrugged, “I’m curious.”

“You’re nuts,” Changbin groaned.

“I also want the closure,” he admitted. Even though the last time they had spoken had seemed
very final, Jisung hadn’t been expecting it. He didn’t feel like they had said their final words -
he didn’t feel like he was done.

So, he waited until a random man came to fetch him, bringing him back to a room that had
somehow become familiar to Jisung. Minho was tapping his foot impatiently, his eyes narrow
when the security guard knocked, letting Jisung in.

Minho didn’t speak as he pushed past Jisung, grabbing his wrist and dragging him out to a
waiting car. The tension between them was so thick, Jisung felt like he was suffocating in it.

“You’re not going to say anything?” Jisung asked, finally breaking their silence.

Minho looked over at him, eyebrow arched, “I didn’t plan on speaking, no.”

Jisung clenched his jaw, immediately understanding what the other meant - he apparently
wanted closure too, which, for him, seemed to be hooking up one last time. “You’re a child,”
Jisung said, looking forward again, hands balled into fists on his lap.

Minho just hummed, crossing his arms and looking forward as well.

Minho slammed him against the door of his hotel room the moment they were inside, making
Jisung gasped as his head hit the wood none too gently. He groaned, reaching up to rub at the
spot, but barely had time to adjust before Minho was pressing against him, thigh between his
legs and mouth biting into his.

Jisung wasn’t sure why, he knew what the other was planning by bringing him back to his
hotel like this, but he was nearly overwhelmed with one emotion - anger.

He was fucking pissed at this guy - at Lee Minho the guy who had lead him on, played with
his emotions, and then dumped him like it was nothing; at Lee Minho who abandoned him
while the two of them were being attacked online, and came screaming to him at his
apartment. He was pissed that he was shoving at Jisung now, expecting him to just roll over
and take it like a good boy.

He grabbed Minho by the shirt, shoving him as hard as he could away from him. He watched
Minho stumble backward, a look of surprise on his face as Jisung glared him down, wiping at
his mouth where he swore he could taste blood from how hard Minho had bit his lip.

“What?” Minho sneered, “did you actually want to just talk?”

Jisung didn’t respond, just stepped forward into Minho’s space to be able to grab and shove
him again, making the older laugh as he was jostled back a few steps. Jisung glared and
pushed him again, edging him backwards until the backs of his knees hit the mattress.
“Is that making you feel better? You want to take out your anger on me?” Minho questioned.
“Do your worst, Han Jisung.”

Minho definitely wasn’t expecting Jisung to actually slap him across the face.

The sound echoed so loud in the room, the silence only broken by how hard Jisung was
breathing as he tried to keep his tears back and keep his eyes hard, narrowed, as Minho stared
back at him, jaw agape. He reached up to rub at the stinging of his cheek. Jisung shook his
hand out - feeling a tingle there as well from how hard their skin had connected.

It was at this moment Minho seemed to realize just how upset the man in front of him was.

“Fine,” he breathed after a moment, “I get it. You really do want to take your anger out on
me, don’t you?”

“You’re the one who caused the anger,” Jisung gritted out between clenched teeth.

“Like I said,” Minho murmured, getting so close to Jisung’s face he thought he might try to
kiss him again, “do your fucking worst, Han Jisung.”

Jisung didn’t even think as he shoved the other on the bed, grabbing him by the front of his
shirt to rip it up and off his head. Minho looked slightly dazed, but just lifted his hips as
Jisung tugged his pants off as well. The younger stood to strip himself of his clothes - no
hesitation, no teasing like he had done so many times in the past, giggling and blushing as
Minho cooed at him, reaching out to touch every new sliver of skin that was shown.

The older had schooled his expression by the time Jisung was climbing onto the bed,
grabbing Minho harshly to shove him where he wanted him. Minho stared up at him from in
between his legs where Jisung had shoved him with a fist gripped in his hair. He took a
moment to rifle through Minho’s drawers, tossing him the lube.

“Prep yourself,” Jisung ordered.

Minho didn’t even react, his stony expression cemented on his face, as he popped the cap and
spread the chilly, thick liquid on his fingers. He reached behind himself mechanically,
Jisung’s breath caught as he watched him slide two fingers into himself before leaning down
to wrap his lips around the head of Jisung’s cock.

Minho had blown him multiple times before, it wasn’t anything too new, but the way he slid
down Jisung’s length, still looking up at him, like he had a point to prove, made something
twist in Jisung’s gut. He groaned as the other took him into his throat, sucking at him like he
was trying pull Jisung’s soul out of him.

He could hear the wet sounds of Minho fingering himself, mixed with the noises to his throat
constricting around Jisung over and over, had him getting harder by the second.

He hated that the other was still in control - even on his knees where Jisung had put him.

Jisung grabbed him by the hair hard, shoving him down before bucking his hips up. He felt
Minho choke around him, gagging violently, but the other didn’t shove his hips back down or
even try to pull away. He almost relaxed in Jisung’s grip, glaring up at him with slightly
glassy eyes.

Which, Jisung took as a sign to thrust his hips up again, keeping a firm hand in Minho’s hair
as he started fucking his throat.

Even if he had never topped with Minho, it didn’t mean the older hadn’t had experience with
it before, which Jisung could easily see as he shut his eyes, relaxing his throat so he wouldn’t
gag with ever pass of Jisung’s dick slamming into him. It almost made him mad how
composed Minho was, taking Jisung’s harsh treatment all while moving his hand inside of
himself.

“Fucking whore,” Jisung bit out in between panting breaths, “fucking asshole, you like being
used like this, don’t you?”

He let Minho pull off when he finally felt slight resistance against his fingers, the older
looking at him as he jerked him off, “what happened to my blushing, crying good boy?”

“You fucked that out of me,” Jisung said simply.

Minho just hummed before sliding back down his length, letting Jisung grip his hair and
begin thrusting into his throat again.

As much as he would have liked watching the other choke on his dick until he came in his
mouth, Jisung had other plans.

He wrenched Minho off him, the other hissing from the harsh tugging on his hair, glaring at
Jisung as he did.

“Whore,” Jisung said again as Minho licked at his lips, hand still tugging lazily at Jisung
even as he sat up entirely. He watched as Minho slid his fingers out of himself, wiping the
excess lube on the sheets beneath him.

“Prude,” Minho bit right back. He leaned forward, caging Jisung in with his arms on either
side of his hips, getting in his face. “Everything you know about sex comes from me,” he
tilted his head as he smirked. He let a hand run up Jisung’s chest, tweaking a nipple until
Jisung hissed. “That’s a nice thought - that whoever you go fuck next will always be second
to me.”

Jisung’s nostrils flared as he glared at the other, wanting to wipe that smirk off his lips.

He grabbed Minho by the hair again, pulling him in and locking their lips together. This time,
he refused to give into the other, shoving against his lips and tongue, biting into his mouth.
Their teeth clanked as they pressed and pulled at each other, trying to force the other into
submission.

Jisung pulled away for a moment before attacking Minho’s neck - something he wasn’t able
to touch before, just in case whatever he did there couldn’t be covered by makeup.
He bit down, hard, on the juncture of the other’s throat, getting a loud gasp in response.
Minho grabbed at his jaw, trying to shove him away from his sensitive throat.

Jisung grabbed his wrists, shoving them back so that he could continue sucking and biting at
his throat. Minho wriggled under him, thrashing in his rough hold to try to get away from the
bruises he was marking his skin with.

“Fucking bitch,” Minho growled, finally getting a hand free to shove Jisung off of him. He
clamped a hand over his neck as though he could prevent the bruises from forming. Jisung
smiled to himself as he saw the red marks already forming - three of them between his
shoulder and the edge of his jaw.

“Those will be hard to cover,” Jisung hummed, pleased with himself.

Minho gripped his hair, tugging his neck back until it hurt, making Jisung wince as the older
glared down at him, “you know not to touch my neck.”

“Yeah, and I’m not your good little boy anymore,” Jisung snapped.

Jisung wasn’t expecting Minho to wrap a hand around his throat, squeezing so hard Jisung
immediately wrapped his hands around his wrist, trying to tug him off. He coughed as Minho
glared him down, pressing harder than he ever had on the sides of his neck.

Jisung’s vision edged, little black dots dancing in his vision as he gasped in breaths.

“I’ll fucking kill you,” Minho sneered, “you don’t get to ruin my fucking career you asshole.”

Jisung finally got his hand off of him, stuttering in a breath before trying to shove Minho off
of him. They were practically wrestling at this point, getting in each other’s faces and trying
to pin the other’s hands down, shoving them away when they got too close.

Minho screamed so loud Jisung actually got concerned when Jisung flipped them over,
pinning the other to the mattress and wrenching his wrists over his head. The older bucked
beneath him, trying to get Jisung off of him.

Jisung was surprised at his own strength as he kept Minho’s hips and arms down, the other
practically growling at him in annoyance. It was only a few moments later that he relaxed
entirely, going limp under him.

Minho glared up at him. “What are you gonna do now?” he breathed in Jisung’s face. “You’re
got me pinned - now what are you gonna do? Fuck me?”

Jisung could feel a slight flush crawl up his neck. They had had a lot of sex together - they
had explored each other’s bodies, experimented with what Jisung enjoyed, and obviously
brought a few toys into the mix - but Jisung had never topped Minho.

“That was the plan,” Jisung said simply, fake confidence dripping from his voice. He adjusted
so he could grip both of Minho’s wrist in one of his hands and used the other to manhandle
the older into a better position, spreading his legs and bending his knees.
“You’ll have all new ideas to put in your next book,” Minho spat out.

Jisung paused at that, staring down at him, “how are you still mad about that?”

“Because you should have told me,” Minho repeated what he had said that day in Jisung’s
apartment. “Because the entire time we were together you were lying to me.”

“I didn’t lie!” Jisung argued, “I never said anything about it.”

“Lying by omission,” Minho corrected.

“You’re insane,” Jisung laughed slightly, “you think that’s a big deal - something to be mad
about - but can’t see where I’m coming from?”

“Of course I can see why you’re mad!” Minho yelled back. “Of course I can see what a
massive dick I was to you - you really think I don’t fucking hate myself for it?”

Jisung paused at that, “you could have just apologized - you could have just actually tried to
make things right.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to,” Minho clenched his jaw so hard, Jisung could see the muscle jump
in his neck.

“But why?” Jisung asked, needing to know what the hell was going on in that pretty little
head of Minho’s.

“Cause I don’t fucking deserve that,” he snapped, “I don’t deserve to apologize and have you
come running right back to me - cause you would, cause you’re my adoring little fan. I could
do fucking anything and you’d come right back after an apology.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Jisung asked, baffled, “why are you doing this to me?”

“Cause you should fucking hate me,” Minho said simply.

Jisung wanted to scream - he couldn’t understand the other and his thoughts, and it made him
feel insane.

He clenched his jaw shut, not wanting to ask anything more. He shoved Minho’s hands hard
before releasing them, “keep them there, or I’ll get the handcuffs.”

Minho laughed, tipping his head back gleefully, “you’re adorable.”

“You’re crazy,” Jisung spat right back.

Jisung settled in between Minho’s thighs, adjusting him until he was comfortable, and staring
down at the other - his cock leaking against his stomach and hole open and ready for him.
Minho was just staring up at him, waiting, with a small smirk tugging on the corners of his
mouth.

Jisung reached over to the night side table, rifling around, searching for a condom.
“Don’t bother,” Minho breathed when he realized what Jisung was looking for, “want to feel
you.”

Jisung hesitated for a second, wondering if he should actually listen. Minho seemed off - and
Jisung wasn’t sure if it was just because of the intensity of the situation, or if this was how he
was when he bottomed. But, he obeyed, nodding slightly before shutting the drawer.

The initial press inside of him knocked the air out of Jisung.

It was so fucking tight, tighter than he had expected, to the point where he wondered if the
other had stretched himself enough. But, when he looked down, Minho’s cold expression was
gone, replaced with one of pleasure. He was biting his lip, eyes squeezed shut and head tilted
back slightly.

Jisung leaned down to kiss that long neck again, licking slightly over the bruises he already
left there as he felt Minho shake in his arms.

He tried to go slow, knowing it had been at least a little while for Minho - unless he had been
seeing someone in between when he dumped Jisung and now - and tried to ignore the urge to
thrust his hips forward, to bury himself completely in the heat of Minho’s body.

“Fuck,” he groaned as he bottomed out, his hips against Minho’s ass and the older moaning
quietly beneath him. He let his hands grip Minho’s hips hard, wrapping around him and
digging into the tender flesh there.

He wasn’t a terrible person, so he paused, waiting for Minho’s eyes to flutter open with a
long breath, showing he was adjusted and fine. When Minho stared at him for several heart
beats, face unchanging, Jisung slid his hand from his hip to his inner thigh.

Minho’s brow furrowed for just a moment before Jisung pulled his hand back and slapped his
palm down on the skin there, making the older jump in shock, eyes going wide. “Wha-”

Jisung moved his hand to Minho’s ass before bringing it down again, getting a satisfying
smacking sound as he did, making the older flinch again. He groaned quietly, biting his lip
and shying away from Jisung’s touch. The other had spanked and slapped Jisung so many
times, it felt good to turn the tables for once.

He slapped Minho’s thigh and ass a few more times until the skin was pinking under his palm
and Minho’s eyes were glassy again. Jisung clicked his tongue, grinding his hips against
Minho, making the older whine loudly. “Does the whore not like the pain?”

“I’m not a damn masochist,” Minho snapped, closing his eyes and taking a shuddering breath
before grinding out, “not like some people.”

Minho hissed as Jisung brought his hand down on his hip again, “you might want to be a bit
kinder to the guy with his dick in your ass right now.”

“Not when he’s the same guy I had crying on my dick a dozen times before,” Minho spat.
Jisung grabbed Minho’s hips again, pulling out about halfway before thrusting back in,
groaning at the feeling, but successfully getting Minho to shut up with a quick, stilted breath.

It took him a few thrusts to get used to the feeling, the near-suffocating tightness around his
dick, and also figure out how to roll his hips in an actual rhythm and not just slam his hips
forward like a horny teenager.

He felt Minho’s hands on him a moment later, making him flinch from the touch, felt his
hands curl around the back of Jisung’s thigh, nails biting into his skin and forcing him to
speed up, to get even closer. Jisung wanted to grab his hands and shove them over his head
again - handcuff him like he had threatened to, but he let the other ground himself on him. He
watched Minho as he moaned unabashedly, head thrown back and noises falling from his lips
like Jisung had never heard before. They sounded almost pained, but the way his eyes rolled
back was that of pleasure, so Jisung continued rolling his hips, thrusting until he was pulling
nearly entirely out before slamming back in.

He grabbed under Minho’s knees, shoving them up and closer to his chest, making the other
gasp as he hands were tugged from where they had nestled on Jisung’s thighs. He scrambled
against the sheets, trying to find something to hold onto as Jisung leaned back slightly, letting
his hips roll easier against Minho.

He could tell the other’s lower back was probably in pain - or would be by the end - with how
Jisung was folding him, hoisting him up slightly to be able to fuck into him with harder,
longer strokes. But Minho took what he was offered, whimpering as Jisung thrust into him.

“Fuck!” Minho cried out, writhing as Jisung changed the angle of his hips, obviously hitting
the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of him.

Minho bucked beneath him, crying out with each thrust. Jisung grabbed his knees pushing
them all the way into his chest and letting Minho dig his nails into him arms so hard it hurt.
He hissed as Minho scratched him, letting those nails slice down his arms over and over
again - not seeming to even be needing something to hold onto, just needing to see Jisung
hurt.

Jisung sped up his hips, panting hard as he began jackhammering inside of the other, barely
paying attention to Minho’s gasps and moans - no longer caring if they were in pain or
pleasure - as he chased his own climax.

As though sensing Jisung’s impending orgasm, Minho grabbed him hard by the shoulder,
looking up at him hard and whispering, “don’t you dare pull out - come inside of me.”

Jisung groaned at the order, hips stuttering as he panted, feeling sweat gathering on the base
of his neck as he tried to keep up his pace.

He cried out as he came, the orgasm crashing over him so suddenly he almost forgot to thrust
in one final time, gripping Minho’s hips hard as he came inside of him.

He took several long moments to recover, breathing hard, head hung with his hands digging
bruises into Minho’s hips. He peeked up at Minho through his eyelashes, nearly moaning at
 how fucked out the other looked - cheeks pink, eyes teary and dazed, tongue sticking out ever
so slightly as he panted, heaving breaths that Jisung could see as his chest moved. His neck
was already turning purple, mauled by Jisung’s teeth and lips.

Jisung wanted to lean down, kiss him, murmur how well he had done as he jerked him off to
his own climax.

But, Jisung did none of that.

Jisung pulled out of him, shivering at the feeling, as his cock softened. He watched for a
moment as some of his cum leaked out of Minho’s hole, seeming to quiver as though he was
clenching down. He hesitated, almost reaching down to gather it on his fingers and press it
back inside, but ignore the urge in favor of standing up.

His legs were slightly wobbly, but he ignored them, refusing to look at Minho as the older
stayed where he was, flat on his back, watching Jisung as he moved to grab his clothing.

He tugged his shirt over his head and pulled his jeans up, the zipper loud in the suspended
quiet of the room. He slid his boots onto his feet, not even bothering to tie them as he
grabbed his glasses off the table and his coat.

Jisung looked back at Minho once more, feeling that dark gaze on him - never leaving him.
Minho was still laying down, having not moved at all, cock still hard against his stomach and
thighs now sticky with Jisung’s cum having leaked out of him. His cheeks were still pink,
mouth still propped open as he breathed.

Jisung clenched his jaw, ignoring the itch beneath his skin to go back - to gather Minho in his
arms and cry into his neck, apologize over and over and beg for them to go back to how they
were before; promise that he would be fine with whatever Minho gave him, whether that be
just friends or friends with benefits, he didn’t even need Minho to be his boyfriend anymore -
he just couldn’t imagine his life without the other.

But, he swallowed the overwhelming need down, ducked his head and opened the hotel door.
He breathed heavily once more before walking through it and slamming it behind him,
leaving Minho to watch him go.

Chapter End Notes

ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GOOOO

 Chapter 9
Chapter Notes

PLEASE READ: what Minho "reveals" in this chapter has been canon this entire book -
like seriously, this last chapter was basically the only thing I actually had planned out
this entire time because the final scene was such a vivid image in my head lol Minho
was written very specifically, for this ending scene to happen, especially the last few
sentences.

Please enjoy this last chapter!!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

3 Years Later

Han Jisung became a two time best-selling author at twenty six years old.

His second novel, to the slight upset of his general audience, was not a sequel to his ever-
popular ‘Heartless Wings,’ and instead was a contemporary romance, following a hate-to-
love relationship that viewers fell in love with just as much as his previous book. It was
flying off shelves, some people being his die hard fans who would read anything he
published, some people curious to see what J. Han had put out next, and some just enamored
by the cute, brightly colored cover that caught their attention as they wandered down
bookstore aisles.

People raved about the book, yelling about what a talented writer he was, and how easily he
captured the hearts of his readers, and how real his characters were.

His publishing company was even happy with him - impressed with his work but also how
much he had come out of his shell. The reclusive J. Han who refused to show his face was
now taking every interview he could, going on podcasts, and even had his author photo
printed on the book’s jacket - his squinted, gummy smile paired with his gold rimmed glasses
becoming his signature look.

He posted on social media, interacted with fans, and even shared sneak peeks of his writing -
giving little spoilers of what was to come next. He shared mood boards, writing tips, and
even playlists he was currently writing to - which were beginning to dwindle when it came to
a certain, popular band that Han Jisung used to love.

Stray Kids hadn’t been active for several long months after Jisung saw their last fanmeet.
They had hinted at comebacks, at more schedules to come, and bigger plans - but hardly any
of them came to fruition. Jisung didn’t keep up with anything, only hearing tidbits from
Changbin and Chan who remained loyal fans, if not a little bit more casual than they had
been.
Changbin told him about how Minho was exempt from military service over lunch one day.

“It’s weird, I didn’t think he had any injuries,” Changbin hummed, taking a bite of his
sandwich.

Jisung chewed thoughtfully, also questioning why the idol would be getting out of it - idols
were often berated for not doing their military service, even ones who were injured to the
point of disability would at least go for public service. “Yeah,” he nodded, “that is weird.
There aren’t many things nowadays that will let you get out of it.” He shoved his concern and
worry down into his stomach, letting it sit there.

Almost a year later, the three of them put out an album to say goodbye. They announced their
disbandment with their showcase - Hyunjin holding back tears as Felix balled next to him,
and Minho’s face staying neutral as he delivered the news, his voice not even quivering.

Jisung was shocked at the news - it was the one time he actually got online and tried to look
up what was going on with his old favorite group. They hadn’t done much since the last time
he saw them, and especially Minho had dropped off a lot, barely posting online or interacting
with fans - he couldn’t help wondering what happened after he had left the hotel room that
night.

He grieved with the rest of the fandom, even cried one night, thinking about all of the years
he spent loving the group, of what they had done for him personally. He wouldn’t ever be
able to forget how much they helped him, how much he had gotten through in his late teens
and early twenties because of them.

Hyunjin went on to become a model, perfectly easing into the next phase of his life in the
entertainment industry. Jisung smiled whenever he saw the other’s face in an ad or on a
billboard advertising whatever brand he was working with that month. His Instagram was
filled with beautiful photos of his face and designer clothes. Jisung would text him every
once in a while, checking in, and always got a facetime call in return - Hyunjin gushing to
him and checking in on him too. He was shocked that the other wanted to be his friend still.

To the rest of the world, it looked like Felix Lee had dropped off the face of the planet. But,
Jisung got to see him three or four times a year when he and Changbin would pack their bags
and fly down to Australia to see Chan. Felix would greet them at the couple’s door, grinning
huge and hugging them hard in ‘hello,’ and immediately wave them in, offering them snacks
and drinks and baked goods while Berry ran in circles around their feet.

Chan still was absolutely enamored by the younger man, even nearly two years later, staring
at him like he hung the stars while he spoke, always keeping a hand on him or an arm around
his waist as though terrified the world was going to take him away. The two of them were so
disgustingly cute and in love, it made Jisung’s heart ache. He threw them a party when he got
the text of Felix with a ring on his finger and a sobbing Chan beside him, getting the gushiest,
most sickly romantic story of how the older proposed.

And Lee Minho really did drop off the face of the planet. No one knew where he went or
where ended up, even Felix and Hyunjin just would shake their heads and shrug. They were
worried about him, but also knew how the other was - if he didn’t want to talk or be seen, he
wouldn’t be. His social media accounts vanished overnight the moment he was released from
his contract, and the number they all had saved no longer worked. He was just gone.

Jisung’s book came out almost two years after Stray Kids disbanded, and between helping
Felix plan the wedding, Changbin moving in with him, and everything he had to prepare for,
Jisung’s life was the busiest he ever had been.

“Make sure you eat something before you leave,” Changbin called to him from the kitchen.

People always assumed the two of them were together - raising an eyebrow when they said
they really were just friends even if they both liked guys, never believing the fact that Seoul
rent prices were actually insane to handle as a single person.

Yeah, like, sure, they fucked a couple times - or like, many times - usually when drunk or
lonely or just cause they felt like it - but they weren’t together. Changbin had even been
going on a few dates, encouraging Jisung to do the same, always getting a head shake and a
sheepish smile in return. Jisung just wasn’t ready to try again yet.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll eat,” Jisung grumbled as he messed with his hair. He had gotten it cut
recently - the sides and back shaved entirely, but leaving the top long (Chan had laughed as
Felix yelled ‘you look like Levi Ackerman!’ through the phone screen when they had seen).

Changbin walked over, setting a plate of eggs and a piece of toast in front of him, raising an
eyebrow, “you would die without me.”

“Of course I would,” Jisung grinned, turning to the older and making a kissy face. Changbin
cringed in disgust, jumping back and grumbling as he went back to his cooking. Jisung just
laughed as he tugged his hair into the place he wanted it, spraying it with the hairspray his
manager had gotten him.

The sweater he had picked out was soft, a cream color that paired perfectly with his favorite
pair of jeans and his classic combat boots. “You love those things cause they make you tall,”
Changbin always snorts when he puts them on. Jisung grinned as he could see just that much
more over the other’s head.

“You sure you don’t want me to come?” Changbin asked, watching Jisung gather his stuff,
slinging his bag over his shoulder as he crammed the last of his eggs into his cheeks.

“You’ve come to plenty of my events,” Jisung shook his head. This wasn’t even the first stop
on his book tour - Changbin had come to the first six of them, insisting he needed to be there
for Jisung. At some point it was overkill - and causing far too many rumors to start about the
two of them.

“Call me if you want me to come get you or anything,” Changbin ordered, leaning into Jisung
as the younger wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him slightly.

Sometimes, Jisung wished he could be happy with the other - could live a normal life and
date his best friend. They could be happy together - it would be so simple to fall into each
other’s lives. But, something in Jisung just wouldn’t let him - not right now.
He kissed Changbin’s cheek and waved goodbye as he headed out the front door. He checked
his phone for the next train, making sure he wasn’t going to miss it as he walked over to the
station.

The bookstore he was going to was the one his first book tour stop was at - when he first
revealed his face. He was excited, wanted to get there a little early to take some photos to
post, thanking the university he went to again. They were always some of the first to offer
Jisung spaces to promote his work, and were excited to be able to list him as one of their
successful alumnus.

It wasn’t a far train ride, only a few stops over. Jisung was in front of the building, smiling
and greeting the small crowd that had gathered there already. He bowed over and over,
thanking everyone for coming, and explaining that he couldn’t sign anything yet.

He snapped a few photos, of the front of the store, snapped a selfie with the crowd, and
headed in where his marketing manager was waiting for him.

He would never get over how much he adored his fans. They were always so cute, so eager to
see him. There were several girls he recognized that came to all of his book tour events -
cheering him on from the sidelines and greeting him like an old friend as they got their never-
ending collection of his books signed.

They cheered like he was a movie star - or a kpop idol - walking the red carpet as he walked
out to the little makeshift stage the bookstore had arranged for the event. The MC smiled in
greeting - the same girl who had interviewed him over three years ago.

“It’s so nice to see you again - you look fantastic!” She said, motioning to Jisung overall.

He laughed, grinning, “thank you, you look great too.”

“The last time I saw you, you were so shy,” she giggled, “and now you’re out here making
friends with entire crowds of people.”

He shrug, slightly embarrassed, “I’ve gotten a lot of fucking therapy for my anxiety.”

And he really had - twice a week for the last three years.

The MC dove right into questions, asking him about his new book, what he was writing next,
if there was anything he wanted to try out with his writing.

“Was there any inspiration for this book?” She asked, looking at her question cards.
“Especially some of these spicy scenes - ooh, damn they’re intense with this couple! How do
you come up with it?”

Jisung paused, thinking for a second - trying to put the very angry hate sex he had written,
entirely based on personal experience, out of his head. “I think these characters reflect a lot of
couples,” he hummed, “I’ve always hated the miscommunication trope in romance, so I guess
I kind of tried to push that boundary. I wanted to see how far these characters could push each
other before they finally just decided to date each other,” he laughed.
“Well, their entire romance is based on a lie,” the MC pointed out, “I feel like that would be a
difficult thing for anyone to deal with in a relationship.”

“Oh, for sure, I agree,” he nodded, “I’m not saying either of them is right or wrong, or that
they’re a good or bad couple. I think they both have a lot of flaws, and their relationship can
sometimes be a bit toxic, but overall, I think they’re interesting people to follow - and that’s
what makes a book good, right?”

“Well that’s why people love it! These characters are so raw, so real - it’s not something we
get often in the romance genre.”

She asked about how the last three years have gone, how his writing had changed, and if the
success had changed anything.

Jisung laughed loudly, “god, no, I still live with my dog and best friend in an apartment we
can barely afford. I’d really appreciate it if those damn rent prices went down.” He got a
chorus of laughs and yells of approval. “I guess my success helped me get a new laptop to
write on - and I can fly to see my bud in Australia a couple times a year, but truly, that’s
about it.”

“So, this friend you’re living with…” She grinned, raising her eyebrows suggestively, “is he
who we can assume our love interest is based off of?”

Jisung shook his head, snorting with laughter, “my roommate is definitely not my boyfriend.”
He smiled small, slightly embarrassed, “I’m painfully single, I can’t get a guy for the life of
me - which is probably why I write romance, ya know?”

“‘Can’t get a guy’ - didn’t you date a kpop idol once?” She laughed, “I’m sure someone will
come along that will sweep you off your feet.” Jisung just hummed in acknowledgement, and
she moved on quickly.

“Alright, finally question,” she said as the hour was beginning to wrap up. “I’ve gotta ask
what we’re all thinking,” she said, her face serious as she leaned forward slightly in her seat.
Jisung stared right back, having no idea what was about to come out of her mouth.
“‘Heartless Wings’ sequel?”

Jisung tilted his head back, shaking with laughter. “You all are very persistent,” he said
between giggles. “Like I’ve always said - never say never! But, for now, no, nothing is being
written, you all can move on!”

“We don’t want to though!”

“J. Han please!”

“We need to know what happens next!”

Jisung just shook his head, grinning, and waving for the audience to quiet down with their
complaints.
He moved out of the way as the MC wrapped everything up, explaining how the book
signing would go as he went to get set up. His little table was becoming a place of comfort
for him - his favorite little spot, where he didn’t get anxiety or panic while meeting his fans.
His anxiety had almost disappeared when it came to things like this, and he found he was
jittery with excitement rather than nerves nowadays.

The signing was completely normal, just like everyone other one he had done over the past
few years. He loved hearing people gush over his books, telling him how much it meant to
them, and getting to chat with them while he scribbled his signature at the front of his book.
They were always so cute, so nervous, and this had truly become his favorite part of his job.

It was such a normal day, so of course he wasn’t expecting anything out of the ordinary to
happen.

“Hi!” Jisung greeted with a grin as the next person in line came up. He took the book he was
handed and flipped to the front completely on autopilot - he had done it hundreds of times at
this point. “Who can I make this out to?”

“Lee Minho.”

Jisung froze, blinking down at the book in front of him, pen poised above the page. He just
breathed for a few moments, just like his psychiatrist had told him to when he felt himself
freezing up or his heart beginning to pound. It was a popular name - it wasn’t that unusual to
meet another person named Lee Minho.

He laughed lightly as he focused on the paper in front of him, writing out the name quickly
and swirling his signature below the “to: Minho.”

“Thanks for coming,” he said, looking up with a grin.

He froze entirely when familiar eyes looked back at him, a baseball hat covering his hair and
a mask across the bottom of his face.

He sucked in a breath, staring as Minho looked back at him.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung breathed as the older pulled the mask from his face,
sliding it into his pocket, a smile dancing on his lips. He couldn’t decide what he was
supposed to feel - happy, angry, sad, shocked, all of them were whirling around in his brain.
“Are you okay?” was the first thing that burst from his lips.

Minho looked surprised at the question, “am I okay?”

“You disappeared,” Jisung shuttered in explanation, “you… when Stray Kids disbanded… no
one’s heard from you since.”

Minho hummed, nodding in acknowledgement but not giving any answer. “Would you like to
get dinner after this?” he asked suddenly.

“I don’t… think that’s a very good idea,” Jisung whispered, biting his lip.
“Give me ten minutes,” Minho said, his voice pleading. Jisung was confused by the warmth
behind his eyes, the hope held there. “If we talk and you never want to see me again, I
promise I’ll leave you alone.” He smiled, looking down at the book Jisung was still trying to
hand him, “I won’t even come to get my books signed anymore.”

“Okay,” Jisung breathed, feeling like all the air in his lungs was being stolen from him.

“I’ll wait out front for you,” Minho said, so casually, like they had been friends all these
years, like there wasn’t a chasm between them and what they used to be.

Jisung’s hands were fidgeting the rest of the event, his brain in a completely different realm
as he finished up the last dozen people waiting for their books to be signed. He tried to listen,
tried to smile and respond to questions, but his heart was slamming in his ears, drowning out
nearly everything around him.

Minho was just as handsome as the last time Jisung saw him, even dressed so simply in just a
tshirt and jeans with a baseball hat. Jisung couldn’t believe people didn’t recognize him,
looking like a model as he leaned against the front of the store, off to one side as to not be in
the way, tapping away at his phone.

“Hi,” Jisung said, feeling as shy as he did three years ago when it first came to Lee Minho.

He looked up, smiling at Jisung, sliding his phone into his pocket, “hey.”

Jisung took a second to just look at the other, now fully prepared to see his face. He looked
tired, his honey skin was paler than he remembered it being, and his eyes were duller, that
spark in them absent even as he smiled, making them scrunch up. He looked older, not
obviously so, but three years would make anyone look at least a little different. He was softer,
no longer working day and night dancing and being an idol, and broader than Jisung
remembered him being.

“Are you feeling anything specific for dinner?” Minho asked, still so casual, like he was just
picking up his friend from work.

Jisung shook his head, feeling almost numb as he muttered, “no, anywhere is fine.”

He followed the other to a restaurant, a quiet little one that Minho seemed to know the
workers at. He waved at them, going to take a booth table without anyone seating them.

Jisung just couldn’t believe it, even as he sat down, that Lee Minho was in front of him.

“How have you been?” were the first words out of the older’s mouth.

“Me?” Jisung gaped, “you’re asking how I’ve been?”

Minho smiled, nodding, “yeah, how are you?”

“Minho, you literally disappeared, like, years ago,” Jisung said all in one breath, waving his
hands around. “Even Hyunjin and Felix didn’t know where you were!”
“Yeah, I haven’t contacted them,” Minho hummed.

“Still?” Jisung nearly yelled.

Minho just smiled slightly as he raised his water glass to his lips. “No, not yet.”

“Where have you been?” Jisung demanded, “that wasn’t okay, leaving them hanging - they’re
worried about you.”

Minho hummed, shrugging slightly, “Hyunjin seems to be doing fine, and from what I’ve
heard about Felix, it sounds like he’s loving not being an idol anymore.”

“You aren’t answering my question,” Jisung snapped.

“I’ve just been at home,” Minho finally said, “I didn’t go anywhere. I went home to live with
my parents for a while, and then recently moved back to the city.”

“Near here?” Jisung questioned.

Minho nodded, “yeah, just a little one bedroom with my cats.”

“Are you working?” Jisung asked.

Minho laughed, “Of course not, I have plenty of money. I’m taking some time off from life
right now, just trying to find my footing again.”

Jisung gnawed on his lip, “I heard you don’t have to go to the military.”

“Nope,” Minho said, popping the ‘p.’

Jisung paused as the waiter came over to take their orders, letting Minho order whatever he
wanted for the both of them - Jisung didn’t have the brain power to comb through a menu
right now.

“What happened to you, Minho?” Jisung whispered, staring at the other in concern. “What
happened since…” he trailed off, biting his lip, “since the last time I saw you and when Stray
Kids disbanded? And then what happened after that?”

“Were you worried about me?” Minho teased, grinning, “I think I told you to forget about
me.”

“You knew I never would,” Jisung breathed, “I really tried to.”

“Did you go find a boyfriend?”

Jisung shook his head, “no.”

“You’re really not dating Changbin?”

Jisung shook his head again, smiling slightly, “you’re keeping up with my rumors?”
“I know everything about J. Han,” Minho said with a wink, “I’m a huge fan.”

“Still?” Jisung raised an eyebrow.

“Of course,” Minho hummed, “I’ve read his books hundreds of times at this point - they’ve
been with me through some pretty rough patches.” Jisung looked down, biting his lip as the
other reminded him of how much he had hurt him - keeping his secret from him.

“Minho, seriously, tell me what’s been going on,” Jisung pressed.

Minho traced his finger around the rim of his glass, fingers shaking slightly, pursing his lips
and suddenly looking nervous. “I haven’t really… talked to anyone about this. Even the guys
don’t know - they have no idea that I was a big reason we had to disband.”

Jisung bit his lip, reaching forward to take Minho’s fingers in his palm, keeping them from
trembling. “Minho,” he pressed again.

“Right,” Minho sighed, tipping his head back and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “I
went to the hospital - after I last saw you.” Jisung winced at that, suddenly very concerned.
“Like a month later,” he said quickly, seeing the worry in Jisung’s eye, “don’t worry, you
didn’t fuck me that hard.”

Jisung slapped his arm, glancing around in case anyone heard the other, getting a laugh from
him.

“I just… didn’t feel right, so the company told me to go get checked out,” he was smiling,
playing with Jisung’s fingers to keep his own busy. “I ended up in the mental ward for about
two weeks.”

Jisung blinked at him - out of everything, he wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“I have bipolar disorder,” Minho hummed, smiling sheepishly.

Jisung felt like his brain was short circuiting a bit, “bipolar disorder?”

“Mhm,” Minho hummed, swallowing nervously even as he tried to look calm and collected.
“I’m still… getting used to talking about it. It doesn’t feel real - even though it’s been nearly
three years since I got diagnosed.”

“How?” Jisung blurted out. “Bipolar people like… gamble away all their money and drive
cars off of cliffs and shit”

Minho laughed, a real smile spreading across his face. He squeezed Jisung’s hand slightly,
“yeah, that’s what I thought too.” He paused, seeming to think for a few moments again
before speaking, “I was manic - like a lot of the time. And when the doctor’s finally sat me
down and explained it, it made a lot of sense.”

“Tell me,” Jisung urged, desperate to understand.

Minho held up his fingers, folding them as he listed it off, “my constant, racing thoughts -
how I jump from one thing to the next and get obsessive about things-” Jisung thought of the
random paragraphs of text messages he got from the other when they were first talking, how
cute he thought it was that Minho would get so suddenly passionate about the most random
things. “-my constant changing beliefs and morals-” how he couldn’t seem to explain his
sudden change in how he felt about Jisung being a fan “-increased irritation and anger
management issues.”

Jisung nearly flinched at the memory of Minho getting so suddenly, explosively angry that
first night they were together, before he threw him out of his hotel room. “I-”

“Not done,” Minho smiled almost teasingly. “The big one was the risky behavior - having a
lot of sex with a lot of people,” he hummed, winking with a smirk, “apparently fifty different
partners in just a couple of years is considered abnormal.”

“You’re hot, it would have added up,” Jisung tried to joke.

He could tell Minho appreciated it, getting a smile in response. “And, of course, the self-
destructive tendencies of refusing to let people close to me, of pushing people away the
moment they care about me, and of feeling like I don’t deserve people’s love.”

“Minho,” Jisung whispered.

Minho brushed him off, waving a hand, “don’t worry - I’ve talked about this a lot in therapy.
I’m working on all of it.” He looked down at where his fingers were folded into a fist, “I’m
also on hella medication now. I never realized how fucking mentally ill I was before I started
getting to be a normal person.”

“Medication definitely helps,” Jisung nodded, always a fan of his own anxiety meds.

“I’m not-” Minho started, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I’m not asking you to
forgive me cause of this. Mental illness isn’t an excuse - it’s just an explanation. I’m not
asking you to suddenly forget about everything just cause I was manic, it doesn’t excuse how
I treated you.” He looked up, meeting Jisung’s gaze and holding it, “I really am, truly sorry
for how I treated you. You didn’t deserve any of it - and I’m sorry for all of it.

Jisung gnawed on his lip, nodding slowly. “I don’t… I don’t know if I forgive you,” Jisung
admitted. He saw Minho deflate slightly, so he continued, “I know mental illness makes
people do crazy things - I’ve been in a lot of therapy too, I know some of the things I’ve done
throughout the years aren’t okay, and I can’t expect people to just take my anxiety as an
excuse for all of it. But,” he ran his thumb over the back of Minho’s knuckles, “you hurt me.
A lot.”

“I know,” Minho nodded.

“I’m sorry for some of the things I did to you, too,” Jisung said quickly, feeling a flush
creeping up his cheeks, “e-especially the last time… I saw you. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t
have just left. I’ve felt like a piece of shit ever since then.”
Minho grinned at that, “honestly, angry Jisunggie was hot as hell, no need to apologize.”

Jisung groaned, pulling his hands away from Minho to cover his face.

Minho laughed, “that’s the Jisung I know.”

“So…” Jisung whispered, putting his hands down and letting Minho take his fingers in his
own again. “What happened after you got diagnosed?”

“Ah,” Minho began, pausing as their food came out. He separated from Jisung to let them put
the plates down, nodding in thanks to the waiter. “After my diagnosis, the company really
tried to figure out what to do - it was why Stray Kids was so radio silent for so long.”

“And the guys didn’t know?” Jisung asked.

“Nope,” Minho shook his head. “They had no idea what was going on.” He shoved a piece of
chicken in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “Bipolar disorder is no joke though - it’s why I
can’t go to the military, even if I wanted to. A lot of places in Korea won’t hire you at all if
you have it.”

“Why?” Jisung asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Minho shrugged, “maybe cause you’re unreliable or something? I don’t know. But my
company didn’t want to work with me anymore - didn’t want me as a liability. So, they
started planning the disbandment, and told me I couldn’t tell Hyunjin or Felix about what was
happening. They also wouldn’t let me start treatment until after my contract was nullified.”

“Did they tell you you had to delete everything afterward too?” Jisung asked.

“No, I did that myself,” Minho shrugged. “I really didn’t want the world staring at me as I
figured out my brain and how to deal with everything.”

“Why did you just disappear though?” Jisung whispered, “why didn’t you even tell the guys
where you were? We’ve… we’ve all been worried about you.”

“Honestly? I was embarrassed,” Minho smiled sheepishly. “I basically destroyed three

people’s lives and then was just supposed to go ‘oh my god sorry I was just manic, my b’.”
Minho laughed at himself, shaking his head. “I wasn’t about to do that - you all would just
feel so bad you’d forgive me immediately. Plus, I didn’t want you to all have to deal with me
while I was figuring stuff out - it wasn’t pretty.”

“It’s good you were with your family,” Jisung mumbled.

“Yeah, my parents were great - even if they had no idea how to help. There were a lot of
tears, a lot of screaming and anger,” Minho pursed his lips, shaking his head. “The
medication helps a lot - but I was really scared of it for a while.”

Jisung was gnawing on his lip, barely touching the dish in front of him. “I’m glad you told
me all of this - really, I am. I just… I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s fine,” Minho said, sounding genuine. “I don’t expect you to just forgive me. I fucking
ruined your life - I get it.”

Jisung shook his head, “you didn’t ruin my life, Minho. I just,” he paused, “I missed you.
Way more than I was expecting to. And now that you’re here, I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t do anything, just listening to me has been more than enough,” Minho admitted.

Jisung pressed his hand to his temple, truly feeling like his head was aching with how hard he
was trying to process everything. He truly had missed Minho, in a weird way - had, in some
recess of his brain, been waiting for him. It was why he couldn’t ever get himself to date,
why he couldn’t let Changbin into his life in that way, or let other people into his bed. Minho
was always at the forefront of his mind when it came to dating, when it came to how intense
his feelings are.

He wanted to just forgive the other, wanted it to be that easy. He wanted to just roll over and
let Minho into his life again, but he wouldn’t ever be able to forget some of his words, some
of his actions, or how much he made Jisung hurt.

“I wish we could just go back to how it was before,” Jisung whispered, “I wish we could go
back to that one week - when it was just us. That was one of the happiest times of my life.”

Minho smiled a small smile, reaching over to take Jisung’s hand again. Jisung watched as he
brought his knuckles to his lips, brushing them over his skin before rubbing at the back of his
hand with his thumb, comforting little circles being pressed into his flesh.

“One time, a long time ago,” Minho hummed, that little smile playing on his lips, “you were
my fan. But, the first time things went badly, you asked if we could start over - as just Han
Jisung and Lee Minho, not the famous author or kpop idol.”

Jisung nodded along, smiling a bit himself, “yeah, I remember.”

Minho looked at him, his eyes were missing that spark he used to have - beaten down by the
last few years - but it was replaced with such warmth and hope, Jisung couldn’t look away.
“Now, I’m asking you, if maybe we could start over one more time,” he whispered. “This
time, I’ll be your fan - you can be J. Han, and I’ll be Lee Minho, the fucked up guy who just
really loves your books.”

Jisung hesitated. His heart was rabbiting in his chest, screaming at him that he was going to
get hurt again - that he can’t put another piece of himself in this man’s hands. He needed to
protect himself, needed to pick up all the pieces that had been broken off, before he could
ever try to love someone again.

But, Lee Minho was his comfort - that little smile on his lips made Jisung’s stomach flutter, a
strange, vivid tug of nostalgia pulling on his mind, reminding him of all the times that face
had helped him for so many years of his life. He thought of his Stray Kids stuff - half in a box
shoved under his bed, but several albums still accompanied his books on his shelf.
 Lee Minho was his first love, his first obsession, who helped him figure out his sexuality, and
then was his sexual awakening. Lee Minho was such an integral part of him, he didn’t want
to let him slip through his fingers for a third time.

He had been Minho’s fan, they had been as close to boyfriends as they possibly could, and
they had been enemies - maybe, this time, with the tables turned, they could figure it out.

“Okay,” Jisung whispered. “We can start over - one more time.” Jisung leaned forward,
putting out his hand and smiling shyly, “hi, I’m J. Han.”

Minho grinned at him, leaning forward and shaking his hand, “hi, I’m Minho - I’m your
biggest fan.”

Chapter End Notes

firstly, as stated before - Minho having bipolar disorder has been canon this entire book,
he was written very specifically for this last chapter to happen. I wouldn't just throw a
mental illness plot twist at yall lol those are always kind of shitty - if you ever decide to
reread this, you'll see it was there the entire time!

secondly, Minho's bipolar disorder is based off of my own. Literally one of the reasons I
wanted to write him like this was because I NEVER see bipolar rep, even in fanfics, and
when its there its the over-the-top stereotypical type. If you have bipolar disorder and
don't see your own mental illness reflected here, it's cause its based on my own and
everyone is going to be different

Thirdly - I apologize to everyone who I said I promised a happy ending since this could
be taken as non happy but like this is as happy as my endings get lol

Fourthly - YES THERE WILL BE EXTRA SPINOFF CHAPTERS WITH CHANLIX

AND CHANGJIN. I can't promise when, but they will be there.

Fifthly, if you enjoyed this I would love a comment, but also check out my other works!
I literally have already started writing another minsung fic lol like that first chapter will
probs be up sometime this week.

and finally, thank you to everyone who read this real-time and hyped me up, ya'll were
great. Thank you to everyone who read it after the fact, I hope you all enjoyed!!

Omg also since I know people like playlists for fics I don't have a full playlist but listen
to Wanna Be Your Slave by Måneskin if you want Minho vibes

Update: hihi I am currently editing a handful of my fics to send to publishers/agents

INCLUDING THIS ONE, so of you're interested in seeing this fic or any of my writing
get published perhaps bookmark/subscribe to this fic or my profile cause I will update
yall if anything gets picked up!!
 Chanlix
Chapter Summary

the Chanlix spinoff chapter aka how Chan and Felix got together

Takes place during the same time as Chapter 5-6 in "Idol" - during the time that Chan is
MIA from the 3racha group chat

Chapter Notes

I PRESENT TO YOU 8K OF THE ABSOLUTELY TEETH-ROTTING FLUFF THAT

IS CHANLIX

Since ya'll seemed so curious about minsung and learning more about them, they are
mentioned here - but we will get to see them AFTER the ending of "Idol" in Changjin's
spinoff chapter, which should hopefully be out pretty soon:)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Is this Channie?

Chan looked down at his watch as it pinged, showing his new message. His eyebrows
pinched together as he read it, trying to catch his breath as he wiped the sweat from his brow.
Berry seemed happy with this development of actually taking a break on their morning run -
laying down immediately and panting hard.

It was a beautiful day, people buzzing around and getting outside for their morning walks
before it got too hot. Chan loved taking these days to run along the water rather than right
around his house - he always felt rejuvenated after spending time by the ocean. But, his
watch going off had distracted him, pulled him from the music blaring in his ears and the
therapeutic feel of his feet hitting cement over and over.

“Who’s asking?” He said, bringing the device close to his lips. He watched it type out his
words before clicking send. Who the hell would be messaging him, asking who he is, at 7am?

A second ping came in only seconds later, Felix

Chan stared at the tiny screen in confusion, heart rate picking up slightly at the single word.
“Who?” he decided to ask.

You know which Felix, Channie please

The cute emoji tacked onto the end made him smile slightly. But, he still couldn’t believe
what these messages were saying, “can I help you with something, Felix?”

I got your number from Jisung

I heard you live in Australia
Want to meet up for lunch?

Now he really thought he was being messed with - obviously Changbin or Jisung had done
something to change their number so they could get him all flustered right before he had to
go to work. “Uh huh, sure, this definitely is Felix Lee and not Changbin - I definitely believe
you.”

I swear.
Meet me here at noon

Chan couldn’t see the maps Felix had sent over on the tiny screen, sighing and resigning to
check when he actually had his phone later. He shook off the strange interaction, looking
down at Berry and tugging on her leash until she stood up. He jogged all the way home,
debating if he should actually go to this lunch meeting.

“Did you message me this morning?” Chan asked into his phone, getting a loud yawn from
Changbin. He could almost see the other wiping at his eyes tiredly, just waking up to Chan’s
call - he knew the other’s alarm was set for 8:30, so he called at 8:31.

“Chan, do you really think I was up before my alarm?” Changbin whined. “No one else gets
up at the asscrack of dawn like you do.”

“Did Jisung-?”

“You think Sung was up before 10am? Good one, hyung.”

Chan gnawed on his lip - Changbin had a point. The two of them wouldn’t ever sacrifice
precious sleep, even to fuck with him.

“Sorry, sorry, I just got a weird text this morning - it was probably nothing,” he breathed.

He stared at the texts on his phone his entire train ride to the lawfirm, comparing them to the
messages he had on bubble and trying to figure out if they sounded the same or not. He also
looked up the restaurant “Felix” had sent over - a Korean BBQ place a few blocks over from
his office.

He figured he could at least go over on his break - if nothing else, he could grab something
for lunch while he was over in that area.

The morning dragged by, his knee jostling up and down as he stared at the clock. His attorney
laughed at him, asking if he was in a rush. “Do you have a lunch date?” She grinned.

“Kinda,” Chan had breathed.

“Well, get these documents notarized and the claim forms in the mail by noon and you can
have a little extra time for your lunch, okay?”

Chan had never worked faster, shoving the papers on her desk right at noon and taking off,
remembering to drop off the mail before he sped out of the building.

He had no idea what he was even looking for - didn’t know what the other was going to be
wearing, if he was actually here at all. His hands itched by his sides as he wandered around in
front of the building, pacing enough that he was getting strange looks from others walking
down the same street.

“Chan?”

He turned around, jaw dropping as acutal Felix Lee stood in front of him, smiling shyly. He
had a bucket hat over his blonde hair, trying to blend in a bit better, and a mask pulled up
over his nose. His outfit was casual - just a pair of jeans with a loose button down that opened
up a few too many buttons at his chest.

“No fucking way,” Chan breathed.

“I know this was kind of random,” Felix said quickly, in that deep voice that Chan could
never get over. “But, Jisung said you lived in this area, and I’m home for a few weeks so… I
don’t have a lot of friends around here anymore, so I figured I’d try ot make one?” his voices
lilted up at the end, as though questioning himself.

The idea of Felix not having any friends - of being desperate enough to make some to text
Chan - made his stomach flutter with sympathy.

He realized he was just staring at the other, not responding, when Felix started fidgeting
under his gaze, eyes moving to stare down at the ground instead of at Chan. “Oh!” He started,
“y-yeah, I’m always down to make new friends?”

Felix grinned at him, even if he couldn’t see his mouth, he could see it in his upturned eyes.
“Awesome, ready to eat?”

Which was how Chan ended up sitting at a restaurant he very much could not afford with
Felix Lee of Stray Kids.

The younger was so normal, ordering way too much food and grinning like a child when it
finally came out. He was shockingly good at talking, filling the silence when Chan just had to
take a minute to stare and figure out what he did correctly in life to be here. He laughed a few
times when he realized Felix was just talking - saying absolute nonsense - because he
couldn’t seem to be alone in silence.

“How long are you here for?” Chan asked.

“Two weeks - but just one more week now,” Felix shrugged, grinning, “just enough time for
my family to drive me absolutely crazy and be excited to go back to the two crazy people I
live with.” Chan laughed at that. “How often do you visit Korea?”
“Oh, I don’t visit often,” Chan shook his head, “those concerts last month were actually the
first time I met Changbin and Jisung.”

Felix’s eyes went wide, “really? You all seemed so close.”

“We are,” Chan hummed, “we just only talked online or on facetime.”

“Wow,” Felix seemed genuinely surprised.

“With COVID and everything, there just hasn’t been a chance for us to meet since we started
talking,” Chan shrugged. “We met online - through like, being fans of Stray Kids,” Chan
laughed awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his head,

“That’s so nice that you guys found each other,” Felix smiled, “I always love hearing about
friends who meet cause of us.”

“Yeah, and they’re great,” Chan nodded, “they’re my best friends, even if we live in two
different countries.”

“That’s so sweet,” Felix cooed, making Chan laugh nervously and rubbing at his neck in
habit. “I’d love to actually get to meet Changbin and Jisung - they seem like such nice guys.
I’m glad Minho found Jisung.”

Chan raised an eyebrow at that, “they’re not dating, though.”

“No,” Felix sighed, “which I’m a bit mad at Minho for when he told me he had turned them
into a friend-with-benefits situationship-” Chan had also been mad about that development,
telling Jisung he was going to get hurt, “-but that’s how Minho is. He refuses to let anyone
get near him. But, I feel like Jisung might be able to break down that damn wall he’s built.”

“Really?” Chan asked, genuinely curious, “why?”

“I’ve never seen Minho have such an obvious crush,” Felix giggled. “He might not have even
admitted it to himself, but it’s very obvious to me and Hyunjin.”

“Seems like to me that he just wanted to get in Sunggie’s pants,“ Chan huffed, bringing his
glass to his lips to take a sip.

“Minho doesn’t seem to really understand his emotions,” Felix said thoughtfully. “He just
takes everything that could possibly be attraction or love or affection and makes it sexual.”

Chan glanced at Felix curiously, “I mean, I’d assume he likes you and Hyunjin.”

Felix tipped his head back, laughing, “yeah, and he’s gotten in both of our pants multiple
times - it’s his only way he’s got to show people he cares about them.”

Chan’s jaw dropped. “No way, really? You three?” He squeaked. His brain felt like it was
firing twice as fast, plagued with images of the three of them doing that together.
Felix grinned, lips turning up like a cat, “yeah, fans would go crazy about that, wouldn’t
they?”

“Can confirm,” Chan breathed, “am going crazy thinking about that.”

He got a loud laugh in response.

“So you really do like guys?” Chan asked, refusing to let his hopes get too high.

“Mhm,” Felix hummed, nodding, “I’m personally bi - but Minho is gay and Hyunjin is
queer.”

“Oh,” Chan said.

Felix leaned forward, smiling as he put a finger under Chan’s chin, helping him close his jaw.

The younger continued to drop these random, absolutely mind-boggling facts that were
ruining Chan’s entire life as they met up every day for lunch during Chan’s break.

He was shocked when the other Aussie asked if he wanted to meet up again the next day -
and the day after that, and the day after that. They ended up getting lunch together every day
that week, Chan slowly loosening up around the other and becoming less awed and star-
struck each time. He was extremely glad to find that he liked Felix just as much like this as
he did through his computer screen.

The younger was just as giggly, funny, and endearing as Chan expected him to be. He would
laugh along with Chan’s dumb jokes, play with him as they walked back to his office, and
even - Chan couldn’t believe it - seemed to be flirting with him. He would bump his shoulder
against the older’s, smiling at him every chance he got, and even playing with Chan’s fingers
and hands across the table.

“Can I come over today?” Felix questioned as they finished up lunch on Friday after a very
fun week of hanging out.

Chan nearly choked on his water, “come over? To my place?”

“Yeah,” Felix nodded, “I want to hang out with you more before I leave tomorrow.”

“Uhm,” Chan was short-circuiting, trying to remember if he had cleaned his house in the last
week. He was pretty sure the dishes were done and his bed was made, so. “S-Sure, yeah, you
can come over.” He nodded, trying to convince himself of this idea as much as he was telling
Felix it was fine. “How about meet me at my office at 5 and we can walk to it together?”

Felix grinned, nodding along and watching as Chan texted him the address to his office.

Nothing could make time move slower than knowing Felix Lee was waiting for him.

Chan tapped away at his desk, gnawing on his thumbnail as he watched the clock tick closer
and closer to the end of the day, seeming to take twice as long as it usually did.
He was up and out of his seat, rushing for the door, the moment his clock switched over 5:00.
He called a quick, “have a nice weekend!” over his shoulder to his coworkers as he passed
them, and literally ran down the stairs and out the front of the building.

He didn’t see Felix at first, heart pounding as he looked around for him. He almost wondered
if he was stood up - maybe the other hadn’t actually wanted to hang out, and was just trying
to be nice - until he saw the younger jog up, face pink from exertion. “Hey!” He said, out of
breath as he waved at Chan. “I got lost,” he admitted, leaning over with a hand on his hip as
he breathed.

Chan laughed at him, “you’re fine, don't worry,” he said, patting Felix on the shoulder as he
caught his breath.

Chan wasn’t expecting the other to loop his arm through Chan’s elbow, grinning at him -
having to look just the tiniest bit down at Chan (he was comfortable with his height, it’s fine)
- and nudged him along. “Let’s go!” He was just so pretty with his eyes turned up, face pulled
into a smile like a little kid being told they were going to the toy store.

“My apartment really isn’t that exciting,” Chan laughed at him, but led him to the train where
they could take a quick trip to his place.

Chan tried not to think too hard as Felix linked their arms, and then seemed to step even
closer to him on the train. He tried to convince himself it was just because of the rush hour
crowd - Felix needed to cram close to him, one hand on his chest, one hand on his waist,
gripping him to stay standing while Chan held the railing above their heads, keeping them
steady. Felix hadn’t used their trains in a long time - obviously he wasn’t used to it anymore,
which is why he kept jostling into Chan more and more until Chan was blushing and Felix
was so close he could hear his breathing in his ear.

He became less convincing to himself that this was completely platonic - that Felix just
wanted a friend in Australia - when he opened his apartment door, saying something about
his sister taking care of Berry during the day, and the younger grabbed him and shoved their
lips together before the door had even swung closed.

Chan stared, eyes wide open, as Felix slid his hands onto his jaw and tried to part his lips,
tongue sliding over them, asking for entrance.

Of course he let the other lick into his mouth, immediately pressing back against him and
shoving their tongues together. It didn’t take him long to be the one pressing against the
other’s mouth, gripping him with a hand in his blonde hair and an arm around his waist. Felix
gasped as Chan pressed him against the wall of his little foyer, not even a foot from the door,
sliding a thigh between his legs.

Felix whined against his lips, tugging on him to try to bring them impossibly closer. He
gripped Chan’s shirt, wrinkling the fabric on his chest and bit at the older’s lips demandingly.

“God, I’ve been wanting to do that all week,” Felix breathed against Chan’s lips as they
parted for a moment, letting them both catch their breaths.
“You could have done it sooner,” Chan whispered right back, eyes locked on the younger’s
plush, blush colored lips he had been wanting to kiss for years.

His heart was pounding, head spinning, unable to believe he actually had Lee Felix in his
arms right now - was this what Jisung had felt with Minho? He could almost understand why
the other was so, absolutely blinded to everything now.

“Mm,” Felix hummed in answer, groaning as he pulled away enough to grab his phone. “I
hate to do this, I should have asked before I even touched you, but,” he handed it to Chan
sheepishly, the older man pulling away only enough to take the phone, looking at the NDA.

There was barely a few inches between them, Felix breathing hard as Chan swiped a quick
signature against the screen before handing it back, “there.”

“I want to fuck you so bad,” Felix whispered, deep voice in Chan’s ear making his shiver.

“I’m definitely good with that,” he swallowed, feeling Felix kissing at his neck, nibbling at
the skin there.

Felix didn’t waste any time dragging him into his own apartment, feeling dazed, and shoving
him onto his couch. He got comfortable on Chan’s lap, like he owned it, like he belonged
there. Chan slid his hands onto the younger’s thighs, squeezing them as Felix attacked his
neck. He could feel the other sucking bruises there - could feel them already forming under
his lips.

“W-Wait,” Chan breathed, feeling the other halt immediately. “Tell me what you like, any
hard stops? Anything you don’t want me to do? I need to know ahead of time,” he said all in
one breath.

Felix pulled away enough to smile down at him. “You’re so sweet,” he cooed, running a hand
over Chan’s chest, pressing against the hard muscle there. “With guys I’m usually the bottom,
and most things go - I like basically everything. My safeword is ‘scarlet’ and I don’t love
being slapped in the face,” he hummed, seeming to think, completely unaware of Chan’s
brain imploding in his skull at his words. “Ah, a big thing is you’ve gotta wear a condom.”

“Condoms,” Chan echoed, brain trying to work again after completely stopping for a second
there. It had been a while since he brought someone home to his own apartment. “They’re in
the bathroom,” he said as it came to him. “Let me go grab them.”

“You’re not just fucking people all over your house?” Felix giggled as Chan slid out from
under him, practically sprinting to the bathroom. “I’m surprised you don’t have them just
stored all over your place.”

Chan laughed as he returned, “I’m definitely not getting lucky enough for that.”

He sat down again, letting Felix climb right back on him, getting comfortable immediately
again. “You must bring home people all the time.”
“Absolutely not,” Chan shook his head, smiling slightly, “I’m more of a relationship guy, I
guess.”

“Do you not want to do this?” Felix asked, blinking.

“Oh, no, I do,” Chan said quickly, “I still hook up with people - just not as much. You think
too highly of my pickup game.”

Felix laughed before leaning back down to capture his lips again, licking and sucking at his
lips until Chan was properly breathless again, feeling lightheaded.

“Can I-” Chan said suddenly, getting cut off by Felix pressing into his mouth again, licking at
his teeth as he got the upper hand as Chan tried to pull away. His hands gripped the younger’s
hips hard, pushing him away with a raised eyebrow as Felix grinned at him.

“Can you what?” Felix purred.

Chan let his eyes rove over Felix for a moment, thinking how he could probably just stare at
this sight forever and not get bored - Felix Lee, in his lap, hair tugged enough that it was
slightly disheveled, lips bruised red, and chest rising and falling with quick breaths. His eyes
were so dark, he looked like he wanted to eat Chan.

“Can I blow you?” Chan breathed the words quickly, before he lost his nerve.

“Hell yeah, you can,” Felix grinned even wider.

He laid Felix out on his couch, trying not to be horribly endeared with how the smile never
left the other’s face, even as he gasped and blushed as Chan tugged his shirt over his head
and stripped his pants and boxers off. His eyelids fell to half mast as Chan settled between his
legs, staring at Felix, completely naked, and debating what to touch first.

Felix suddenly groaned, tipping his head back and cover his eyes with his arm.

“What?” Chan asked, worried.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Felix whined, glancing down at him. “Still wearing your damn suit
from work after stripping me butt naked?” Chan glanced down between the two of them - he
was still wearing his slacks and button down, several of the top buttons undone from Felix’s
quick little fingers. While Felix was completely bare.

Chan could feel his dick getting far more interested in his pants.

He decided he wanted to start at Felix’s chest, leaning down to kiss, lick, and nip at the skin
there, making sure to kiss over every single freckle and give each one special attention. Felix
giggled slightly, abs flexing as Chan brushed his lips over the skin of his belly, smiling as the
other felt tickled.

He paused at his nipples, licking over them until the younger was arching his back, soft
moans leaving his lips along with a sharp gasp as Chan bit at the sensitive skin. He flattened
his tongue against the nubs, licking over them until Felix was shoving at him to move on, a
hand in his curls.

He pointedly avoided where Felix wanted him the most, smirking at Felix’s obvious
annoyance as he kissed over his V-line, moving to his hip. Chan gripped his thighs tightly,
loving how his fingers dug into the soft flesh there. He kissed up the inside of Felix’s high,
more careful with the tender flesh there, grinning against the skin as he felt Felix shiver and
whine at his touches.

He glanced up through his lashes as he kissed the inside of Felix’s knee, nearly laughing at
the murderous look Felix was aiming at him. “Do you not like being teased?” Chan chuckled.

“Not before we even get to the dick touching,” Felix grumbled, making Chan laugh louder.

“I’m sure I’m only gonna get one shot at fucking you,” Chan hummed, thinking of how
aggressive Minho was, telling Jisung that they could never date or actually be together. He
was sure Felix would leave Australia and we would never see him again. “I’ve gotta try to
remember every little bit of you.”

Felix bit his lip as Chan went back to kissing every inch of skin he could reach, pointedly
ignoring how the younger’s dick jumped at certain touches. “You’re so sweet - why are you
so damn sweet,” Felix pouted, “you can’t be that hot and that nice all at once - it’s not fair.”

Chan took the compliment as permission to continue dragging his tongue over Felix’s skin,
making his way back up to his hip and over his chest again. He so badly wanted to mark the
skin at Felix’s pretty neck - those collarbones making his mouth water - but he was sure he
wasn’t allowed. He still ducked, kissing over the skin there.

“No biting,” Felix said, tensing up when he felt Chan’s teeth run over his throat.

“I won’t,” Chan hummed, “I know you can’t have any marks.”

He nosed against Felix’s pulse point, up to the juncture of his jaw, and behind his ear, getting
a high-pitched giggle from the other that made Chan feel so, so fond.

“Okay, okay, enough teasing,” Chan murmured with a soft smile to the other as he bent
Felix’s legs so that his heels were digging into the couch cushions beneath them, giving Chan
more of a space to settle himself.

The sound Felix let out at the initial contact of Chan’s mouth against his cock was something
he was never going to forget.

He had always been obsessed with Felix’s voice - who wouldn’t be? It was just so unique,
grabbing your attention and leaving you in awe, but these throaty, deep noises he was letting
out were definitely ones he had never heard before. He wanted to bottle them up and keep
them in his head forever.

They definitely made him work a bit harder, more enthusiastic, as he flattened his tongue,
licking up the underside of the younger’s cock as his hand stroked over the head. He licked
over the entire length again, and again, just to hear those groans, feel Felix jerk in his hand.
When he finally slid his lips over the other’s head, he felt Felix go tense, back arching as he
moaned, obviously wanting to buck up into Chan’s mouth, but holding himself back.

Chan kept his hands on the younger’s hips, holding them down just slightly as he slid down
his length, bobbing his head, the slide easy from his previous ministrations. Felix wasn’t that
big, it didn’t take a lot for Chan to slide down the entire way, taking him into his throat and
swallowing around him.

“F-Fuck,” Felix whined, legs shaking slightly as Chan held his hips down.

He could feel himself getting somehow harder at Felix’s noises, could feel his cock jump in
his slacks as the other’s hands twisted in his hair, not pressing or pulling harshly, just
grounding himself there. Chan swallowed around him, loving feeling those little fingers
tighten in his hair that was probably ruined from the tugging.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Felix murmured as he pushed Chan down slightly on pure instinct,
immediately pulling his hands away to grip the sheets instead.

Chan glanced up at him pointedly. He took one hand off the other’s hips to grab his hand,
dragging it back to curl in his hair again. He felt the shaky breath Felix released as he let his
fingers tangle at Chan’s scalp again.

Chan bobbed his head a few more times, swallowing again before pulling off entirely,
running his hand over Felix’s length with a tug stern tugs. “You can tug my hair,” he said
simply.

Felix looked surprised at Chan’s sudden statement, groaning loudly, “okay.”

“Good boy,” Chan hummed as Felix immediately tugged at his hair as he kissed over his
shaft. He grinned to himself at the whimper Felix let out at the praise, tucking that into the
back of his mind for later.

He set himself an easy pace, bobbing down on the younger’s dick before pulling off to lick at
his head, swallowing around him as he took him all the way back down into his throat,
grinding his own cock against the couch beneath him - desperate for the relief from that
friction. He could tell Felix was falling apart beneath him from it, he was hard as hell in his
own pants, but he wanted to try something else.

He hesitated a moment, debating, remembering that Felix had said “I like basically
everything.” He should have probably asked for more specifics at that, but hoped that Felix
would tell him immediately if he did anything that wasn’t wanted - knowing he had a
safeword in place for exactly that.

He sucked at Felix one last time before sliding off entirely, ducking his head lower to lick
over his scrotum. He got a slight yelp at that, which made him hesitate, but Felix said nothing
else as Chan pushed one of his knees higher, closer to his chest, to give him room to lick
down to his hole.
“Oh, fuck,” Felix gasped. “Oh, fucking hell, I’m gonna come really fast if you do that.”

“Come whenever you want,” Chan hummed, appreciating how Felix’s muscles jumped at his
breath against him.

He wasted no more time licking over Felix’s rim, flattening his tongue and licking there until
Felix was letting out absolutely wrecked noises, squeaky little “ah, ah”s falling in between
groans. He could feel his hips moving more beneath his hands - seeming to be unable to
decide if they wanted to press even more against Chan’s mouth, or shy away entirely.

“You’re far too good at this,” Felix whimpered out, fingers tightening in Chan’s hair.

What could he say? He was just really into oral.

And getting his partners off, but that was probably obvious.

He let his hand trail to Felix’s dick, wrapping around him loosely, tugging every once in a
while as he licked into him, sucking at him rim. He thought the other would come
immediately as he slid a single finger in alongside his tongue, able to lick into him further,
but Felix just tensed, taught as a bowstring.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he murmured out, his voice deep.

Chan slid his finger in further, twisting it and thrusting slightly, seeing if he could find Felix’s
prostate with only a single digit.

He only got a moment’s notice - Felix’s hands tugging roughly at his hair and an absolutely
wrecked moan leaving his lips - to tell him the other was coming. He pulled away from
eating him out quickly, wrapping his lips around his cock again to be able to swallow down
his release, his own hips stuttering against the cushions beneath him.

Felix whined even louder as Chan released his hips, letting him buck into his throat.

He let the younger ride out his orgasm, whining and letting out breathy moans as he came
down, hips twitching and fingers flexing in his hair.

Chan finally pulled off as he felt Felix’s hands retract slightly, licking his lips and over the
other’s stomach where just a small amount of cum had splashed.

“You’re gonna kill me,” Felix whined as he watched Chan clean him up, releasing his hold on
his curls and letting his hands fall against the mattress, beside his chest that was rising and
falling deeply.

Chan grinned down at him, loving how absolutely fucked the other looked - cheeks pink and
eyes dazed as all the tension in his body leaked out of him until he was relaxed against the
bed. He took the moment to run his hands up Felix’s thighs, his hips, his waist, truly wanting
to ingrain the view in his memory.

“Oh!” Felix said suddenly, sitting up and reaching for the front of Chan’s slacks. “Let me
help.”
Chan hissed, grabbing Felix’s wrist quickly, shaking his head with a blush reddening his ears.
“No, I’m good.”

Felix’s jaw dropped slightly, “no way did you come just from blowing me.”

Chan smiled sheepishly, already slightly annoyed that he was going to have to actually bring
over some clothes to the dry cleaner - a chore he had been putting off - because these were
his favorite slacks, and they were now covered in come like he was a damn teenager. “I like
getting my partners off,” he hummed in explanation.

“No fucking way you’re single,” Felix groaned, letting himself flop back against the couch.
“A service top being single is a literal crime.”

He didn’t think it was really how well he fucked that was keeping him single - everyone he
had been with had been incredibly impressed with how he could work his tongue - but he just
shrugged as an answer to Felix. He patted his thigh, smiling fondly at how sleepy the other
was looking, “are you going home or are you spending the night?”

Felix raised an eyebrow, “am I allowed to stay?”

“Of course you are,” Chan nodded.

Felix grinned, sitting up and wrapping himself around Chan’s arm like a koala, his smile,
tilted up to the older, was giving Chan heart palpitations. “Then I’m staying!”

Chan ordered them dinner - Felix shoving his credit card in his face and insisting on paying -
and the two of them curled up on the couch, throwing on a shitty horror movie. Chan was an
absolute baby when it came to horror, and Felix seemed the same - laughing along at how
ridiculous it was, but jumping with a yelp at any and all jump scares.

Once their takeout was eaten, Felix immediately curled up, cat-like, against Chan’s side,
finger’s digging into the comfortable, thread-bare cotton shirt he had changed into.

Chan’s mind wandered during the movie - debating how to explain what he had been up to
for the last week to his best friends who were absolutely blowing up their group chat (how
the hell are there over 200 messages and 150 of them are Changbin?, Chan had groaned
internally when he had last checked). He also wondered how the hell he was going to survive
when Felix left - leaving him to go right back to being another fan, but one that had seen him
naked, made him come. Chan hated the idea.

He also hated that he was actually understanding his younger best friend after telling him off
for being dumb about the exact same situation he had been in, irritated as he thought of
Jisung and Minho.

Speak of the devil.

“Ah, let me take this,” Felix said suddenly as his phone began vibrating. He sat up, putting
the phone to his ear as Chan paused their movie. “Ah, hyung, what’s up?”
Chan couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, didn’t strain to make out the dull,
muffled voice on the other end.

“Why would he need to borrow my clothes?” Felix whined. “You’re not that much bigger
than me and-” Chan wanted to kiss those lips as he pouted them out, glancing at Chan and
rolling his eyes to show his obvious annoyance with Minho on the other end. “Fine, fine! I
don’t care - do whatever you want.”

Felix paused for another few moments, and Chan could have sworn he heard a familiar laugh
- just edging on the side of maniacal. “No, I’m not pissy ‘cause you’re not cock-blocking me,
I already got dicked down, thank you very much.” Chan chuckled as he heard a sound of
question from the other as Felix hung up.

“What’s happening?” Chan laughed.

“Apparently he and Jisung are playing house, and Jisung needed to borrow my clothes or
something,” Felix rolled his eyes, relaxing back against Chan. “I like Jisung - he’s so cute -
but Minho doesn’t make any sense ever, so I don’t like him borrowing my stuff.”

“He does seem like a loose cannon,” Chan laughed, “but don’t worry, if Jisung is borrowing
something, he’ll take care of it.”

Felix hummed, nodding, before glancing up at Chan with curiosity, “isn’t it kind of weird?
Jisung and Minho are hooking up, and now we are.”

Chan hummed, not sure how to respond, “yeah, I guess so.”

“You don’t like Minho much, do you?”

Chan blinked, “when would I have seemed like that to you.”

Felix snorted, “Minho has literally two friends - me and Hyunjin - he tells us next to nothing,
but he does talk about Jisung quite a bit nowadays. So he’s mentioned that Jisung’s friend
seemed a bit upset about their relationship.”

“Should I like him?” Chan questioned. “Outside of being an idol in my favorite group - as the
guy my best friend is crushing on and hooking up with, should I like him?”

Felix pursed his lips, “no, probably not.”

***

Chan was so warm when he woke up.

He nearly forgot about the other man in his bed, curled against his chest, as he groaned and
shoved the blankets off of him like they had personally offended him. It had been quite a
while since he had to be concerned about another human being in his space - so he
immediately felt bad as Felix’s eyes peeled open in surprise, staring up at Chan as he sat up
to rip the t-shirt off of himself, the room still dark without the sun fully risen.
“You okay?” Felix mumbled, his voice deeper than Chan had ever heard it, laced with sleep.

Chan jumped at the others, immediately apologizing, “I was warm - sorry, sorry.”

Felix giggled as Chan tried to pull the blanket back up around Felix’s shoulders without
covering himself. “Do you run warm?”

“A bit,” Chan muttered, trying to ignore how uncomfortable the sweat on his skin felt.

Felix giggled and turned around, scooching back against Chan’s chest, making it obvious he
wanted to be spooned. Chan is nothing more than a people pleaser, so he settled back down,
nosing against the back of Felix’s neck and wrapping his arm around his stomach.

He thought they must have dozed off for at least a few more hours, as the room was far
brighter when he opened his eyes again. Felix’s chest was rising and falling steadily, his
breath quiet. Chan took the moment to appreciate how the other felt in his arms - so warm,
pliant, and cozy against his chest. He kissed over the back of his neck, getting a little shiver
in response.

Felix felt so good in his arms, felt like he fit so perfectly.

He also felt far too good against Chan’s erection that was digging into his lower back.

Chan shuffled slightly, trying to find a position that was a bit more comfortable, and wouldn’t
be as obvious when the younger woke up. He could feel the tips of his ears darkening as he
moved, wanting to press against the adorable boy in his arms rather than pull away.

He finally settled down a moment later, stomach literally clenching at how hard he was trying
to not rut his hips forward, when he felt Felix shift, his hand peeking out from under his
blanket to take hold of Chan’s hip, pulling him forward. Chan yelped slightly, getting a giggle
in response.

He tensed, questioning the meaning of the other’s hand squeezing his hip, until he felt Felix
shift to be able to press his ass back against Chan’s ever growing problem. Chan groaned at
the even slight amount of friction, getting another giggle as Felix shifted so he could fully
grind back against him.

Chan buried his face in the back of his neck, feeling Felix’s hair there tickle at his face as he
finally let his hips rut forward. The younger was going to be the death of him - far too easily
pressing back against him in time with his hips’ own small thrusts. He refused to come in his
pants again for the second time in less than a day.

He let his hand skim over Felix’s stomach, loving how warm the skin there was, letting his
fingers dip beneath the band of the boxers he was wearing in question. Felix immediately
understood what he was silently asking, moving to shuck the fabric down his thighs, kicking
them off easily as Chan shoved his own down.

He groaned at the feeling of Felix’s skin, so warm and relaxed, and now naked against him.
He felt that sneaky hand move from his hip a moment later, trailing over Chan’s arm that was
tight around the younger’s stomach, gripping his wrist a moment later. Chan paused,
watching in question as Felix hummed, moving Chan’s hand lower and lower until he could
grab Felix’s length in his hand.

Well, he could figure out what that meant pretty easily.

He let his fingers trail over the head of Felix’s cock, collecting the precum that was already
leaking there - happy to know at least he wasn’t the only one who woke up incredibly turned
on - and using it to make the glide of his hand easier. He kept his fist loose, his movements
lazy as he tugged on Felix as he rocked his hips forward.

He kept his face pressed against the younger’s back, listening but also feeling each of his
little noises, hips stuttering at a particularly high-pitched gasp from the other. He hated (read:
loved) how Felix made him fall apart so easily, barely even rocking back against Chan, or
forward into his fist, his noises quiet, but they made him feel insane. He felt like a horny
teenager who finally got in his crush’s pants.

Felix’s hips sped up, pressing back and thrusting forward more frantically as he got closer to
his own climax. Chan kissed at the back of his neck, wanting so badly to press his teeth there,
as Felix’s head tipped back, moans getting louder and louder.

“Ch-Chan,” he whimpered, grabbing Chan’s wrist and pressing on it slightly. Chan obeyed
the silent command, fist tightening as it sped up on Felix’s length. He immediately got a loud
groan of appreciation.

He could listen to Felix coming forever - the sudden, strangled noise as though shocked by
his own orgasm, followed by frantic, gasping whimpers as his hips rutted forward. It had
Chan coming not even a few moments later, still thrusting against Felix’s ass and lower back.

He groaned into Felix’s neck, squeezing his eyes closed as the other reached back, stroking
over his cock, helping his ride out his climax.

Felix turned over, grinning up at Chan’s red face, “good morning, I suppose.”

“Sorry,” Chan groaned, reaching up his clean hand to cover his face. “I woke up just really
fucking horny and-”

Felix giggled, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand away to kiss at his cheeks. “You’re so
cute, you don’t need to apologize. I was just as horny.”

“I wish I could have taken my time again,” Chan hummed, cupping Felix’s face in his hand
and kissing his nose.

“I don’t,” Felix whined, “you almost killed me yesterday - a sleepy quickie was perfect.” He
looked down between them, making Chan feel shy, “I wish I could actually meet your dick
one of these times, though - you’ve been hiding it from me.”

“I haven’t!” Chan whined, covering himself from Felix’s prying eyes.

“Coming before I could blow you yesterday and now you just happened to hump me from
behind?”

“Ew, don’t use that word,” Chan shook his head.

Felix grinned, “what? Humping?”

“That’s such a gross word,” Chan insisted.

“That’s literally what you did!” Felix laughed loudly, tipping his head back.

“We can do more if you want to,” Chan offered, feeling his cheeks warm, dick already
stirring in interest - fucking horny asshole.

Felix sighed, sitting up and reaching over Chan to check his phone, “I don’t think I could get
it up again in time - I’ve gotta go home to get ready to head out pretty soon.”

“When’s your flight?” Chan asked, watching as Felix scrolled over his notifications.

“This afternoon,” he hummed, turning his phone so Chan could see they had somehow slept
until about 10:00. “My mom is driving me over to the airport at 1 - and I really should spend
some time with them before I leave.”

“Of course,” Chan nodded quickly, sitting up and rubbing at his neck in his nervous habit.
“Th-this was fun, maybe we could do it again when you come back to visit?”

Felix smirked, nodding, “definitely.” He leaned forward, kissing Chan so sweetly on his lips
before moving to his ear, “I want you to fuck me for real next time, ‘kay?”

Chan could only nod dumbly as Felix grinned at him, jumping to his feet and practically
skipping to his bathroom to get cleaned up.

Chan offered to drive Felix back to his parent’s house, but the younger shook his head,
insisting he was fine to take the train. Chan tried to not be offended - the other probably just
didn’t want random fans knowing where he lived - and just nodded, smiling as he walked
Felix to the door. He got a kiss to his lips, and one to his cheek, that he could still feel
tingling there long after the other waved, grinning, as Chan’s apartment door closed.

Chan wasn’t sure how he was supposed to just go about his life now - staring at his
apartment, the grocery list on his fridge, the chores that needed to get done, and his friends
who definitely needed an explanation for his absence. He felt like Felix himself had been a
dream - a hallucination that walked into his life for only a moment before disappearing
forever.

Chan next saw Felix at the fanmeet Jisung dragged them to, even after everything that had
happened between him and Minho. Chan could barely enjoy himself, anxious and upset for
his friend, but also weirdly nervous to see the younger after such radio silence from him ever
since he left Australia. He knew they weren’t dating, not even really friends, but he had
expected at least something - a text or a call maybe.
The other Aussie didn’t even notice him or his friends, the only member who did was Minho
who had glared Jisung down until his best friend decided to stay back.

He didn’t hear about what happened that night with Jisung and Minho, didn’t pry when
Jisung came back to their hotel late that night with angry tears in his eyes, stomping into the
hotel and basically kicking his shoes off - the offending pieces clattering against the wall. He
and Changbin had just exchanged looks as Jisung crawled into bed next to them, wanting to
be cuddled and spooned.

It was like a domino effect from there - Stray Kids’ sudden silence across the board, a
comeback that felt like a goodbye, and an eventual notice of disbandment.

Chan was sad - of course he was. Even with everything, Stray Kids were his favorite band,
and a huge comfort for him. But, he moved on - keeping up with Hyunjin and his activities,
and vaguely wondering what happened to Minho and Felix as everyone stopped hearing from
them.

The next time he saw Felix was an early Sunday morning.

He rolled out of bed, yawning widely, hair sticking up every which way, and too lazy to even
pull on a t-shirt in the hot, Australian summer for whoever was knocking at his door. He
figured it must be the mailman - deciding he could deal with Chan being shirtless and
wearing old basketball shorts.

Felix grinned at him, that sunny smile hitting him so hard in the chest, Chan thought he was
having a heart attack.

He hadn’t seen it in so long - not even through his phone screen.

“What?” Chan whispered as Felix threw himself at the older, wrapping around him and
giggling in his ear.

“Go out with me,” Felix said, pulling away to look at Chan as he said it.

“What?” Chan echoed dumbly, brain racing to try to catch up.

“Go out. On a date. With me,” Felix grinned.

“Why? How? What?” Chan stuttered.

“My contract is officially over,” Felix said in explanation, “I didn’t take on a new one - as a
model or actor or whatever. I’m back in Australia - for good.” He smiled, taking Chan’s hand
and playing with his fingers. “I want to take you out - on a date. If you’ll let me.”

“Of course,” Chan whispered, still staring in absolute awe. “But.. you… me? Y-you want? To
date me?”

Felix nodded, “yes. I really, really want to date you.”

“Okay,” Chan breathed.

 Felix giggled, reaching up to poke Chan’s cheek, “you’re so cute. It’s one of the reasons I like
you.” Chan just nodded at the words, wondering if this was another dream. “How long were
you my fan for?”

The question was so random, Chan had to literally lift up a hand, counting on his fingers.
“Like, five years?”

“Well, then I have a lot of time to make up for,” Felix hummed, grinning.

Chapter End Notes

the first chapter of my new minsung fic was also posted today so check it out ig
Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!