The Cold Lady of Fire

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/34498828.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Category: F/M
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Relationships: Zuko (Avatar)/Reader, Zuko (Avatar)/You, Aang/Katara (Avatar),
Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Characters: Zuko (Avatar), Aang (Avatar), Katara (Avatar), Azula (Avatar), Ozai
(Avatar), Ursa (Avatar), Iroh (Avatar), Mai (Avatar), Ty Lee (Avatar),
Sokka (Avatar), Toph Beifong
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2021-10-14 Words: 5,094 Chapters: 6/16
 The Cold Lady of Fire
by Puck0429

Summary

During Zuko's banishment, you, a noblewoman and orphan, but most of all his best friend,
were sent to the South Pole to destroy all that was left for good. However fate decides to keep
the two of you apart for a bit more and during your conquest, you lose your last bit of hope
and with it, your sanity. After years of being poisoned by Azula, turned into a slave, molded
into a weapon, you could no longer tell a lie from the truth. Now all that was left was pain
and rage inside your cold heart.

But will the eventual reunion with your best friend, or perhaps more than that, be able to
change you back into the sweet girl you once were? Or has Azula won, have you finally been
turned into a demon? Will you serve Ozai and Azula until the bitter end, or will you stand by
Zuko's side as he claims his throne?

So, will you lose yourself to madness, or to love?

 The beginning

For as long as you could remember you knew him. That wasn't strange at all though,
considering the fact that his and your parents weren't unimportant. Although, his were a little
more important than yours.

You shared quite fond memories with his family, but especially with him. You had never been
a big fan of his sister, who had the tendency to be very mean to the both of you, who she
referred to, as soon as she had learned the word, as "pussies". Her mother hadn't been very
pleased with her using a bad word to describe the both of you and she had been grounded for
a whole week for that.

But even his sister had given you a good time. Well, sometimes. Like the time where she
invited you and her brother to play tag with her and her friends. One of her friends, Mai, had
a big crush on him. So, while playing tag she kept pushing Mai against him, until she fell on
top of him and he screamed bloody murder. You thought that was hilarious of course, but he
was very upset and ran off. So you excused yourself and chased after him to calm him down.
Of course with a few kind words and an unwanted head rub, all was forgiven and forgotten as
he chased you down for messing up his hair.

Your close bond raised a few eyebrows though. Mai was very jealous of your bond with him
as you knew everything about him, but also realized that if she ever wanted to court him, she
would need you. His sister was the worst. She looked green of jealousy. She would always
tease the two of you about how in love you two were, which would piss off Mai, but you both
always denied and you responded with "Nope, I'm just his annoying little sister" and he with
"And I'm her big strong brother". You always tested his strength by jumping on his back, but
he would always catch you. This of course only made his sister even angrier. She had never
shared a bond with her brother like you did with him, and only if you two were ever to get in
a relationship, would it ease her mind.

Did you already mention how close your families were? I'm sure you have, but did you really
tell me how close? Well, you'll tell me how close. Your families were so close, that when the
time was ready, your father and brother and his uncle and nephew, went to war. They fought
glorious battles together and sent back the most wonderful gifts. Except to his sister. She
always received dolls, which she hated. She wished to receive weapons like her brother did.
Oh, how proud the two of you were of your families.

Yes, you two were the happiest children in the world. And your happiness couldn't even grow
any bigger when you received a messenger hawk with news from your family members.

Except it wasn't good news. Not at all.

You could still remember your mother's face, as if it were yesterday. Her shock, her tears, her
blood curling scream. His mother comforting her as she shooed you and him away. His sister
talking about what the news could be, you scratching her face as you lashed out. How slow
his mother walked towards the two of you when she came to tell the news, or that's how it
felt. Her teary eyes. His warm embrace as you collapsed against him when you heard it. The
shattering sound of your world falling apart.

And his voice. His voice that was the only thing you heard in the void.

The following days were a living nightmare. The mourning, everything in white, the tears,
the condolences from all those people you didn't know. It was awful. The only luck you had
left were your loving mother and the fact that your mother was a well known nobility who
knew her away around with money and people. She owned lots of great land and the newly
crowned fire lord was very fond of her, which contributed to her succes as a widow. Ozai
liked your mother so much, that you suspected he was in love with her.

But hey, your mother wasn't the only ray of sunshine left in your life. He was still there for
you and he hadn't changed a bit. He remained the kind, smart, funny and sweet kid he had
always been, even after his mother disappeared. Yeah, he would always be your friend.

To you, he was like a brother, your best friend always there when you needed him, even if
you didn't want him.

To others, he was the son of the Fire Lord Ozai, the crown prince of the Fire Nation.

He was prince Zuko.

But to you, he was just Zuko.

 Close

Your green eyes stared into the distance, across the icebergs and the big icy waves. They
were searching, searching for a big metal ship. But no matter how much, for how long or how
hard they stared, they couldn't find it. They couldn't find him. They did however spot smoke.
Could it be from a ship? You turned around on your leather boots and walked towards the
captain of your ship with big steps. You always walked with big steps, but you were also
quite tall for a woman.

"I've got a new course for you. We're sailing in that direction." you informed him.

"But miss, there's nothing there. Where are we headed towards?"

Oh how much you hated it when people questioned your decisions. You clenched your fists
as you slowly turned to look at him. If looks could kill, you would have had to find a new
captain.

"It's commander to you, captain. And we're headed towards that cloud of smoke." you
sneered.

You walked away as he peered through his binoculars into the direction you had pointed at,
gasping as he realized you were right.

You sighed as you realized how far away the smoke was and how long it would take you to
get there. The ship wasn't slow or anything, no on the contrary; the ships the Fire Nation
made were the fastest ships ever built, but it still wasn't fast enough for you. At this rate, it
would take the whole winter to cover the South Pole and finish your conquest. And more
importantly, to find what you were looking for.

But you couldn't lose hope, not now, when you are so close to your goal.

You heard your messenger hawk sqeak and lifted your arm so it could land on it. Its long
nails scratched your skin, but you didn't flinch. As you pet the hawk, you thought of that day.
That awful day, four years ago. The six hundred days siege of Ba Sing Se had ended in a loss
for the Fire Nation. But that wasn't the only thing that was lost. General Iroh lost his son in
battle. You lost your father and brother in the same battle. Your family had been shattered to
pieces, destroyed by the war.

Oh how you missed your beloved brother. Although he always seemed so cold, his heart
wasn't made of ice at all. He was one the most caring men you had ever met. And your father,
oh how you missed his silly jokes. How you missed his bear hugs and your brother's firm
handshakes.

And as fate was a cruel thing, it also decided to destroy Zuko's family. After Fire Lord Ozai's
coronation, Zuko's mother disappeared. She left a broken and hurt boy behind. A boy who
would still wake up in the middle of the night, calling for his mother, years later. And then it
had been your turn to be there for him, for your embrace to warm him in the cold nights. For
your smile to make his day, for your jokes to make him laugh. For your pranks to distract
him, for your stubbornness to keep his mind entertained.

And two broken children made excellent sparring partners. You would spend days fighting
each other, improving your skills with every minute. Skills you needed so that you would
never have to get hurt again. Never growing tired, as your pain always fueled you. All for
nothing in the end, you thought to yourself.

It all ended because of a simple mistake.

A yell from the captain awakened you from your thoughts. You had arrived at your
destination. The cloud of smoke unfortunately did not belong to that which you were looking
for, but it belonged to that which you were here for.

A chiefdom. It wasn't as glorious as it probably once had been, now that only the children,
some women and elderly were left behind. Your fleet came to a stop and your ship lowered
its ramp to attach it to the ice. Screams could be heard coming from the chiefdom as you
walked down the ramp towards it. When you walked through the walls, you saw women and
the older boys with what were probably supposed to be weapons.

"Do not worry, we mean no harm. I simply wish to speak to your chief." you loudly spoke.

"I'm afraid he's fighting in the war you started." an old woman spat at you.

"Then I wish to speak to whoever is in charge." you said, slightly annoyed.

"What do you want?" the woman asked.

"I wish to colonize you in the name of the Fire Nation."

The woman started to laugh.

"And what makes you think we'll let that happen?"

"Since you're clearly outnumbered and out skilled. I alone could defeat all of you in a matter
of seconds. You are no match for me, as for I am Mayumi, righthand of Princess Azula,
warrior of Fire Lord Ozai."

"It doesn't matter who you are, we will fight to the death before surrendering to you!" a
young, foolish girl screamed.

She made a simple mistake. The same mistake he once made.

A bright flash. A scream. A red mark. The smell of burnt flesh.

You had lashed out and by using one of your favorite techniques, you had scarred the girl.
You had used a relatively small, but still very harmful fireblast.

A child must know their place. Commoner or prince, they must learn.
"Do not speak unless spoken to, child." you hissed.

The elder, frozen in place, looked at you, with fear in her eyes. As the girl screamed in agony,
she slowly knelt down, signaling their surrender.

You smiled.

This meant a great start for your conquest. Although you had not found what you so
desperately looked for, you did not lose a single bit of hope. Because this was closer than you
had ever been to finding him. And you knew, that this time you would succeed, after having
failed two years ago.

You were going to be home with him before spring's end.

You were bringing Zuko home.

 Rage

It couldn't be.

It couldn't be true.

It shouldn't be true.

Why? Why haven't you found him yet?

You stared in disbelief at the map. You were about to comb through the last area of the South
Pole you had not searched. He has to be there. He has to be here.

He just has to be.

You didn't even think about what would happen if you couldn't find him. You couldn't even
think about what would happen if you didn't find him.

Then you felt it; the ship was turning.

Excited, you ran out of your room to the deck. Smoke. There was smoke ahead of you. And it
was very close.

It had to be him.

Your stomach twisted, both nervous and excited to see him. What would you say to him?
What would he say to you? Would he recognize you? Would you recognize him? Would he
hug you? Would things be different after all these years?

Then you smelt it.

The smoke didn't come from coles being burnt.

So the smoke didn't come from a ship.

You bit your tongue to avoid getting watery eyes. Your bottom lip trembled as your heart
raced inside your chest. Your stomach hurt, your fingers were shaking and it felt as if your
chest was about to explode. You had trouble breathing and you could barely swallow.

Where was he?

Where was Zuko?

You closed your eyes and you started counting.

Breathe in.

1.
2.

3.

4.

5.

Hold your breath.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Breathe out.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Repeat.

You heard the sound of metal on ice and opened your eyes as the captain put his hand on your
shoulder.

Time to conquer the last chiefdom.

Well, aside from the chiefdoms that hadn't surrendered. Those were currently under a siege,
by the small ships you left with each chiefdom.

When you entered the village, you were quite surprised. There were wooden stakes in the
shape of half a circle. Behind them, there were boys with actual weapons, who were standing
in actual rows. A young girl stood beside them, probably to serve as an actual commander.

They were actually prepared.

You did not actually care.

You were actually about to repeat the same speech you told every chiefdom, when you felt a
sharp pain coming from your ear. Somebody had shot an arrow right past your ear.

How dare they.

How. Dare. Someone. Hurt. You.

Your vision became blurry, your ears started ringing, your heartbeat fastened, your stomach
clenched, your hands formed fists, your whole body started to shake.

You were furious.

But then, your view became clearer than ever, your mind empty and your muscles relaxed,
just as you breathed out.

You closed your eyes.

And when you opened them again, smoke surrounded you.

Your ship was in front of you.

Behind you, ice was melting, people burning, dead bodies everywhere, screams as loud as a
lone wolf, as hurt as a deer they had hunted.

But you did not care. You had caused all that.

They deserved it. They deserved to die horrible deaths.

Those who hurt you deserved all the pain in the world.

"Captain, ready the ships. We're ending the sieges. All who resist colonization by the great
Fire Nation will be punished by death." you spoke. You almost didn't recognize your own
voice. It was so cold, so cruel.

You chuckled.

"Well, not death. They'll be punished with fire and if they're lucky, death will follow."

Now you recognized it. Cute, sweet, but mostly, insane.

 Madness

You woke up from a deep slumber, filled with nightmares. Nightmares about losing hope.
Nightmare about losing him. Nightmares about never finding him.

But were they truly just nightmares? Or were they visions?

You shook your head. Stop it. There were more important things to worry about.

Your quest to conquer the South Pole was your first priority.

You stepped out of bed, shivering as you got from underneath your warm blanket. Why were
you, a firebender, always so cold? You rubbed your hands together and blew a warm fire in
them. The fire tickled your skin, but did not harm it.

You had to quickly put the fire out though, because you had to get dressed. Luckily, your
leather boots and fur coat were very warm and cozy, so you did not miss the fire very much.

Just a little bit though, so you decided to also wear some gloves.

You went up deck, expecting to see daylight.

The sun wasn't even rising.

Damn your sense of time.

You shivered as you looked up at the night sky. The stars were beautiful and very bright this
night. Although you loved the beauty and quiet of the night, it weakened your fire bending
skills, so it was quite the disadvantage.

Wait.

That star, did its position really not change? How short had your sleep been? You walked to
the captain's quarters and barged right in. The soldier behind the wheel was startled by your
entrance.

"Soldier, what is our speed?"

"19 knots, commander." he answered.

Shit, you were slow. At this rate you wouldn't be home before fricking summer's end.

You mumbled all kinds of profanity as you barged away. Something had to be done about
this. Fortunately, your father had taught you well and you knew one or two things about
engines.

As you made your way to the engine, you enjoyed how softly your leather boots sounded on
the metal. Much better than the usual iron boots firebenders have to wear. You walked into
the engine room, which was comfortably warm. You took your black fur coat off, revealing
your red sleeveless short top. It was your favorite top and in fashion too, with its high neck,
golden details and with what you called, a boob window. Your favorite clothing items were
shirts with high collars, gloves, thick coats, tight pants, leather boots and leather corsets.
Preferably all combined into one perfect outfit.

You searched for the toolbox in the room and quickly found one. After opening it, you
quickly realized it was a mess. How do people work like this? Rule #1 your mother taught
you: always keep things organized and in place, so that you can never lose anything.

You took what you needed and took one good look at the engine plans to figure out some
things you could try to speed it up. Your small fleet had been divided among every chiefdom,
so you didn't need to worry about them being able to follow you.

Time to speed things up.

You put your hand on a pipe, to only quickly pull it back. Although fire did not hurt you, heat
still did and the pipe was very hot. You hissed in pain as you looked at your red hand.

But you did not see your red hand.

You saw his red face.

You remembered his scream.

The whole nation heard it. The whole nation heard the screams of a boy burnt by his own
father.

It went through every nerve in your body. It stabbed your heart with a thousand knives. It hurt
you more than something ever had before. You had always believed in feeling someone else's
pain, but now you truly felt it.

And you had never panicked as you had panicked then. Your vision didn't even get blurry,
your ears didn't start to ring. You didn't tremble, or had trouble breathing.

No, on the contrary.

You had never felt more alive and dead at the same time.

All you could see was him, all you could hear was his screaming. All you could feel was his
pain. All you could do was scream and run towards him.

But you were stopped.

It was Azula who had stopped you.

Azula, who didn't care about anyone but herself. Azula, who had smirked during the Agni
Kai.
Azula had stopped you to protect you. As Azula had a plan for you. She desired to have an
army and you were the missing piece. She had Mai, the bored, strong and skillful with
weapons Mai. Quick, smart and bendy Ty Lee. Someone to disable the bender, someone to
kill the helpless bender and all she needed was someone to match a fully abled bender. Of
course she could also fill that role herself, but why would she do that when she had you?

So Azula guided you, who was in shock, away, to her room as her brother was banished. A
disgrace, a failure, a weakling. Not worthy of your time. You should love her, not him. He
was useless, she was powerful and cunning. That's what she had always thought, and now she
could finally say all those things to you. To ease the pain, of course.

Azula was the one who took care of you the days that followed after that unfaithful day. It
was Azula who distracted you, hugged you, whispered sweet words into your ear. Azula who
soothed your aching heart, who brought a smile onto your face.

It was Azula who asked you to swear loyalty to her. To join her army. To become her
righthand.

But the fool who accepted was you.

It was you who was now forced by Azula to train every single day. Every day even harder
than the day before. It was you, who after being burnt countless times, no longer could be
hurt by the fire. It was you who used her rage to create blasts so powerful they shook the city
to its core. It was you who used her pain to create icey fire. It was you who used her stone
heart to guide lightning. It was you who became infamous through all of the Fire Nation.

It was you who was unlucky. Who lost everything. It was your mother who died from a quick
illness. It was you who was left all alone. It was your heart that was left aching, aching for all
that you had left. Him. It was you who had been poisoned by Azula. To hate all that you had
left. Him.

"He used to be so mean to you."

"He always called you fat. Or did he call you a pig? I don't remember."

"Get over him, he abandoned you."

"He's a disgrace, not worthy of your time."

"He lost you when he lost his honor. Or does that mean he never had you?"

"Get over him, he's Mai's anyway."

"If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have upset father."

Azula always lies, right?

A sibling's hate isn't weak, but your hate had grown into something much stronger. Or
perhaps it was your love that had grown? Who knew. You didn't. You lost your grasp on
reality a long time ago.
You smiled faintly.

Now you understood why Azula begged the Fire Lord to send you on this conquest.

You really were losing your mind.

Yeah, sometimes she did have a heart. She actually liked you. It might have actually hurt her
to see you like this. Maybe she didn't poison you after all, maybe she was just trying to ease
your pain in her own way.

It didn't matter, she sent you on this conquest. She had heard Zuko was on the South Pole, so
she sent you here to see him. To see what had become of him, so you can finally cut ties with
him and move on. Or perhaps to relieve you from your pain by seeing the one you loved. Did
you love him?

Then it occurred to you;

Did Azula send you here to mislead you, to do her dirty work while driving you mad? Was
Zuko never here to begin with?

You fell on your knees as the tears streamed down your cheeks.

Left with a million questions, but not a single answer.

 Hope

Finally.

The last thing standing between you and your way home becomes in sight.

One more village to burn before you can return.

Your fleet is almost complete.

The soldiers don't even have the time to get the ramp when you jump off the ship. With a few
quick blows you drive people out of their iglos, right into your soldier's arms. One runs into
your arms. It's the village's elder.

"Why?! Why are you doing this?! You promised us safety!"

"I lied."

The elder started to sob as you shackled her.

"But you signed a contract!" a girl reminded you.

You turned to look at her. Your boots made a crunchy sound in the snow. Your long warm
cloak rustled. You let the hood fall of your head, revealing your dirty, short blond curls.

It scared her.

Not your hair, no, your face. Your face scared her. The smeared black kohl around your eyes
wasn't even the scariest part, it was the look in your eyes. Or rather, the lack there of. Your
eyes were empty.

You approach her, standing right in front of her. You slowly take a piece of paper out of your
cloak. It's the peace treaty you signed.

Hopeful, she looks at you.

You take the back glove of your right hand. Now she sees your hand. Your long nails and
fingers were black. They looked burnt.

Then you tilt your head and smile.

As you set the treaty on fire.

You drop the burning piece of paper on the snow, but it keeps burning as you walk away. You
hear her say no over and over, as she can't believe what you just did.

But it's not so unbelievable, you always lie.

---

On the deck, you take a deep breath, breathing the fresh and icy smell of the sea in. Oh how
you relieved you were. You could almost smell the warmer seas.

You could not wait to be home.

You had never been so happy to hear the wind, the wind that was helping you go home.

But then you hear it, the screeching of a messenger hawk.

From whom?

You lift your arm, allowing it to land. You pet the tired bird as you take the little scroll. A
soldier walks towards you to take over the bird. You think him as you start to read the
message.

"He is alive. Brother is chasing him. Left South Pole.

-A"

To most a meaningless message. To you, it meant the world. It gave you hope. A feeling you
had missed, you so desperately wanted and perhaps even needed.

Hope.

Such a sweet word.

No time for detours, it's time to go home.

 Missing

He is home. After three long years. After a long search. A long chase. After giving up. After
betraying his uncle. He was finally home. Finally he has gotten what he wanted: his honor.

He could finally wear the clothes of a crown prince again. Finally sleep in his own room, in
his own bed. Finally walk through the capital again.

Oh how he had missed walking on these stones, hearing these people, seeing these houses.

Yeah, things were going the right way for him.

He proudly walked through the city, enjoying being back.

Was it really his honor he wanted? Yeah. Yeah of course it was. What else could he want?
World peace? Pffft, don't be ridiculous.

Love perhaps?

He stopped in his tracks.

What?! No!

... Maybe...?

Maybe that had been his motive. But that was a long time ago! He's older now, wiser, he has
grown up. He knows better.

He looked around. Where is he? Wait. Don't tell him he's-

"Hello Zu-Zu, what are you doing here?"

"Azula." he growls.

"Now now, don't get all growly. I'm just a caring sister who's worried about her brother."
Azula smiles sweetly.

"There's no need to be worried about me. I'm fine."

"Then why are you standing in front of her house like a lost puppy?"

Shit. That's where he was.

"Don't tell me you don't know."

"I don't know what?"

"Oh my, dear brother. Haven't you heard? She isn't here. She hasn't been here in months."
"Where is she?!" he yelled at his sister, grabbing the collar of her whatever she was wearing.

"No need to get aggressive brother, she's just on a mission."

"What mission?" he asked, as he slowly let go off her.

"To conquer the South Pole of course! Father had grown tired of their endless sabotaging. So
he ordered her to destroy their homes."

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Now that he was finally back home, she wasn't there. She was hundreds of miles away from
him. He was finally here, but she wasn't.

And to be honest, he did not give a f*ck.

He did not give a f*ck about his honor. He did not give a f*ck about Aang. He only cared
about her. He only cared about returning to her as quickly as possible. Did anyone really
believe he would have been able to keep searching for two f*cking years just to restore his
honor? F*ck no. He wanted to go back to her more than anything in the world.

Even if he didn't always want to admit it.

Yeah, he had chased that little brat all over the world for you. Just for you. Not for his title,
not for his father, not for his country, not for his honor. For you.

Then he wondered. Were those rumors true? Those rumors uncle Iroh told him about in Ba
Sing Se? Those rumors about you? How you had changed. That you were no longer the cute
and kind girl he once knew, but have become a cruel and cold woman, who was so loyal to
the fire nation that she probably didn't even care about a banished prince, more likely to hate
him than love him. Were they true?

Were the rumors that had stopped him from chasing Aang any further true? Did you really
change? Did you really hate him? Or worse, had you stopped loving him? Or had you never
loved him to begin with?

Or were the rumors just lies, made up by Iroh to keep him from restlessly searching for the
Avatar, to find peace?

Azula's annoying voice woke him up from his endless wondering.

"You know Zuko, I'm not even sure she's alive. I haven't heard from her since the day she
left."

He scoffed. "Azula, you always lie."

Perhaps you and his family weren't very different from each other. You always lied.

"Hm, maybe. Well I won't lie to you now, you won't find her mother here. She has moved to
right across the Tiger Lily teashop."
He frowned. There wasn't a house there. Just a-

Oh no. He hadn't even been there for you when your mother had passed.

Before his thoughts could spiral down, he overheard some people talking. There was a
market right next him, and he kept hearing the same thing over and over again. And now it
had caught his attention.

"I've heard they're coming home today."

"The Black Commander is coming back today!"

"The Lightning master will walk through the city."

"There will be a parade for the bringer of darkness!"

He was about to turn to his sister for help, when he realized she wasn't there anymore. The
snake.

He'll just have to find out tonight who the mysterious commander is. He'll probably see him
in the throne room after his parade. But for now, he couldn't care less. All he could think
about, was you.

You. Just you.

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