The Interpersonal Communication Book

Joseph A. Devito

Verbal Communication
Skills
Chapter 5
Chapter Objectives
5.1 Culture, words and meaning
5.2 Managing word barries
5.3 Words and relationship with others
5.4 Approaches to relating to others
 Words can destroy. What we call
each other ultimately becomes
what we think of each other, and
it matters.
Jeanne J. Kirkpatrick

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reserved.
How words work
LO 5.1 Culture, words and meaning

Verbal Messages–messages
sent by words, both oral and
written.
How Words Work (Continued)
Words are denotative and connotative
Words are concrete and abstract

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reserved.
The Power of Words
Words create perceptions
Words influence thoughts
Words influence actions

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reserved.
Principles of Verbal Messages

Messages Are Packaged

Message Meanings Are in People
Meanings Are Denotative and Connotative
1. Messages are Packaged - Verbal and nonverbal
messages reinforce each other.
2. Message Meanings are in People - You don’t receive
meaning, you create meaning. Words don’t mean,
people mean.
3. Meanings are Denotative and Connotative
Denotation—the objective definition of a word, a general or
universal meaning. The best example might be the dictionary
definition of a word.
Connotation—the subjective or emotional meaning of a word; a
personal and less precise meaning.
Snarl words–highly negative.
Purr words–highly positive.
VIEWPOINTS
Changing Communication Patterns
Principles of Verbal Messages

Messages Vary in Abstraction

Messages Vary in Politeness
Politeness and directness
Politeness in inclusion and exclusion
Politeness online
4. Messages Vary in Abstraction–most often, the least abstract term
is the most effective but there are times a more abstract word is
preferable.
5. Messages Vary in Politeness
We have two needs: the desire to be viewed positively by
others and the desire to be autonomous. Politeness allows
others to maintain both positive and negative face.
To help another maintain positive face, we speak respectfully to
them. To help them maintain negative face, we request they do
things rather than demand.
Politeness and Directness–indirect messages are seen as more polite but may lack
authority.
Indirect messages can allow you to ask for compliments in a socially acceptable way.
Women are often more indirect and polite than men.
Politeness in Inclusion and Exclusion–inclusive message include all
people while exclusive messages involve the use of in-group
language to exclude an out-group member. Some words are more
inclusive than others: place of worship instead of church, committed
relationship instead of marriage, etc.
Politeness Online–the Internet has specific rules of politeness,
called netiquette.
VIEWPOINTS
Directness
Principles of Verbal Messages

Messages Can be Onymous or Anonymous

Message Meanings Can Deceive
Types of lies
Prosocial deception: To achieve some good
Self-enhancement deception: To make yourself look good
Selfish deception: To protect yourself
Antisocial deception: To harm someone
VIEWPOINTS
Lying Reasons
Principles of Verbal Messages

Messages Vary in Assertiveness

Analyze assertive communications
Rehearse assertive communications
Communicate assertively
VIEWPOINTS
Assertiveness and Leadership
Principles of Verbal Messages

Messages Can Confirm and Disconfirm

Racism
Heterosexism
Ageism
Sexism
 Table 5.1 Confirmation and Disconfirmation
Disconfirmation
Ignores the presence or
contributions of the other person;
expresses indifference to what the
other person says.
Makes no nonverbal contact; avoids
direct eye contact; avoids touching
and general nonverbal closeness.
Monologues; engages in
communication in which one person
speaks and one person listens;
there is no real interaction; there is
no real concern or respect for each
other.
Confirmation
Acknowledges the presence and the
contributions of the other person by either
supporting or taking Issue with what he or
she says. Makes no nonverbal contact;
avoids direct eye contact; avoids touching
and general nonverbal closeness.
Makes nonverbal contact by maintaining
direct eye contact and, when appropriate,
touching, hugging, kissing, and otherwise
demonstrating acknowledgment of the other.
Dialogues; communication in which both
persons are speakers and listeners; both are
involved; both are concerned with and have
respect for each other.
 Table 5.1 Confirmation and Disconfirmation (continued)

Disconfirmation Confirmation
Jumps to interpretation or evaluation Demonstrates understanding of what the
rather than working at understanding other person says and means and reflects
what the other person means. understanding in what the other person
says; when in doubt asks questions.
Discourages, interrupts, or otherwise Encourages the other person to express his
makes it difficult for the other person or her thoughts and feelings by showing
to express him- or herself. interest and asking questions.
Avoids responding or responds Responds directly and exclusively to what
tangentially by acknowledging the other person says.
the other person’s comment
but shifts the focus of the message
in another direction.
VIEWPOINTS
Hate Speech (ucapan benci)
VIEWPOINTS
Gay Homophobes
VIEWPOINTS
The Spread of Sexism
Principles of Verbal Messages

Messages Vary in Cultural Sensitivity

Race and Nationality
Affectional Orientation
Age
Sex and Gender
VIEWPOINTS
Negative Labels
Guidelines for Using Verbal Messages
Effectively
LO 5.2 Managing word barries

Extensionalize (meluas): Avoid Intensional

Orientation
See the Individual: Avoid Allness
Distinguish between Facts and Inferences:
Avoid Fact–Inference Confusion
 Table 5.3 Differences between Factual
and Inferential Statements
Inferential Statements
May be made at any time.
Go beyond what has been
observed.
May be made by anyone.
May be about any time—past,
present, or future.
Involve varying degrees of
probability.
Are not subject to verifiable
standards.
Factual Statements
May be made only after observation.
Are limited to what has been
observed.
May be made only by the observer.
May be about only the past or the
present.
Approach certainty.
Are subject to verifiable, scientific
standards.
Guidelines for Using Verbal
Messages Effectively
Discriminate Among: Avoid Indiscrimination
Talk about the Middle: Avoid Polarization
Update Messages: Avoid Static Evaluation
Words and Relationship with Others
LO 5.3 Words and relationship with others

Characteristics of women’s interections

Characteristics of men’s interections
Characteristics of Women’s
Interactions
Talk to establish equality
Talk to show emotional support to others
Make sure everyone present feels invited to talk
More tentative in the way they use language

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Characteristics of Men’s
Interactions
Talk to establish power
Talk to accomplish tasks
Talk to sustain and even dominate conversation
More assertive when talking

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How to Use Words of Support
Describe your feelings, rather than evaluate
behavior
Extended “I” language
Solve problems, rather than control
Be genuine, rather than manipulative

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Using Words to Support Others
(Continued)
Empathize, rather than remain detached
Be flexible, rather than rigid
Present yourself as equal, rather than superior
Elaborated code

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Approaches relating to others
LO 5.4 Approaches to relating to others
How to Apologize
How to be assertive
How to Express your Emotions to other
How to Apologize
Apology
People are more likely to apologize to someone
they are close to
One of the most effective ways to apologize is to
honestly and sincerely admit you were wrong
Research shows the person perceives an apology
as more sincere if you do not apologize right
away, but wait a short time

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reserved.
How to Be Assertive
Assertive
Aggressive
Describe
Disclose
Identify effects
Be silent
Paraphrase

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How to Express Your Emotions to
Others

Use well-chosen words or phrases to express

the emotions you are feeling
Practice expressing your emotions
Use word pictures

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Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
 End Show

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reserved.
Latihan 1

What is a verbal message. Explain five (5) and

example of principles of verbal message.
(10 mark)