Goblins - Book 1

carlton tanner (order #781017) 7

Some Inside Info On…
The Beginning
What is now the first update of the Goblins web comic was originally
created as one of my many comic submissions to be sent out to various
publishing companies. With the exception of Chief and The Fortune Teller,
none of those characters were ever meant to appear again. They were all
one time gags to give a feel of what the comic might be like. Oh, I had
intended for the story to eventually involve a goblin adventuring party, but
the plan was to introduce those “important” characters later on. Dies
Horribly, Complains of Names and the rest were all just punch line misfits at
that time.
After I’d sent copies of the entire Goblins series (all six pages of it)
to a number of publishers with no luck, I shelved the comic and moved on.
A couple of years went by until one of the players from my D&D game
showed me a fairly new web comic calling itself The Order of the Stick.
“There are comics online?” I responded.
“Hey, there are D&D comics online! I make those!” I continued.
Roughly a month later, I had the first six pages online and was
thinking about how to approach the next bit of the comic. Even though I had
yet to draw them, I knew there would be a fighter named Minmax, a dwarven
cleric named Forgarth (not Forgath), and a single drow named Seth
Bainwraith, after a character in my game. But I had no real idea as to what
the main goblins would be like. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with
ideas, but was having trouble creating characters that could carry the
storyline.
I mentioned my new comic in a D&D forum and was amazed and
delighted to find that people were responding positively! Not only that, but
they wanted to see more of those “misfit” goblins. This was an idea that had
never occurred to me. More of those temporary goblins? Hmmm… Suddenly
the story began to run through my mind as though I were watching someone
else’s movie. I liked this movie a lot and wrote it down.
The Non-Goblin Adventuring Party

At the same time that I was drawing the second segment of the
comic, I was sketching out visual ideas for the adventuring party. Minmax
took one sketch and was so easy to put together, he practically drew
himself. Forgath evolved from a lame looking, bug-eyed dwarf who wore

antlers, and Seth went through the biggest change of them all. He split into
three different characters. This is why, in the second segment of the
comic, you’ll see the goblins talking about everyone except the two other
drow. They didn’t exist yet.
At the time that these characters were introduced, I was going to
have a running gag about how Seth’s hair almost always blew romantically in
the wind, no matter where he was or whether or not there was any wind.
Notice how his hair is blowing sensually (yet in a manly fashion) for no reason
in his introduction, but then it just kinda stops? Well that was me quickly
deciding that I didn’t want to have such a gag.
Another drow gag that didn’t make it was that all three of the dark
elves were going to carry little, black statuettes that would come to life
(much like that other, famous drow that they’re a satire of). Except,
instead of a cool looking panther, these three statuettes would transform
into a black goat, and black bunny and finally, another black drow which in
turn had a statue of his own, which could turn into yet another, blacker drow
who carried another statuette… it was all very silly. Too silly, I felt, for the
comic. I wanted it to be funny, but serious enough to be dramatic when I
needed to.
Klik
Klik (that floating, metallic orb) is something directly out of my own
D&D game. Some people have emailed me and asked what book they can find
this creature in, but he’s an original creation. When he was in my game, he
actually didn’t have any arms. I decided to add the arms because a comic is
such a visual medium. With only a mouth and no ability to speak, it’d be
really difficult to get his personality across to the readers. The arms give
him a chance to portray emotion and seem less robotic.
Blood and Violence

I have gotten emails from people who complain about the level of
violence and “blood splatter” as it’s been called. Here’s my view on all of
that.
I love fictional violence. I adore it. But it has to be completely
fictional. Real violence disturbs me, angers me, frustrates me or just leaves
me with a nauseous feeling of dread and sadness. Many of you may disagree
with me, but I’m one of those people who believe that fictional violence does
not really lead to real violence. I believe violent urges or tendencies or

whatever makes a person want to go hurt another person is in us to begin
with or is created through severe occurrences in our lives or through
incorrect teachings that we pick up from other violent people who in turn,
want us to be violent.
“Aha,” you may be yelling at your monitor, “doesn’t fictional violence
count as a form of teaching other, impressionable minds to be violent?”.
Not necessarily. I don’t think it’s the violence that can affect people,
it’s the message behind it. You may have noticed that in Goblins, no one ever
profits from the violence that occurs. Every bit of fighting that has
happened has lead to sadness and despair. The real heroic moments of the
comic are when characters turn away from violence, like Forgath choosing to
heal Thaco rather than kill him.
So why all the blood and death? I want to show the dark side of
violence because that’s what it is. It’s a dark and terrible thing. Like I said,
I love a good, violent movie and there’s no thrill like slicing up an orc in a
good D&D or video game, but I think we all need to understand that in
reality, death and combat are not the romantic things that they’re often
made out to be. Real violence is bloody and disturbing and this is how I
choose to portray it in the comic. This is the message I choose to give.
The Goblin Who Wouldn’t Die

Originally, there were only supposed to be four goblins to escape the
warcamp, not five. One of those goblins was written in to be one of the
many casualties during the big battle with the adventurers. So who was
supposed to snuff it? Big Ears. Here’s how the story was supposed to go…
One Eye is killed by the female drow’s magic missile, which causes Big
Ears to fly into a rage and attack her. Then, from behind, he’s stabbed
through the chest by Drasst Don’tsue and falls dead. For a moment, Drasst
appears to be heroic, since he’s just rescued the lady drow, but suddenly
starts to yell at his companion for not pulling her weight. It’s in this
exchange that we see just how mean and nasty Drasst is, as he’s calling the
other drow all sorts of names and being very abusive toward her. Since this
exchange never took place, I needed to find another way to show the
readers just how evil this elf was. So I had Big Ears make a fool of Drasst,
which gave him a reason (in his own, twisted mind) to torture Dies Horribly,
who he was always written to attack, just with much less dialogue. During
his encounter with Dies Horribly, I had Drasst let loose with a big speech
about how he doesn’t like being made a fool of and so he was going to kill the

shaky, little goblin very slowly and painfully. Not only did this portray him as
the horrible elf that he was, but it also fit in with Dies Horribly being
destined to, well… die horribly.
Thaco was originally the one to kill the drow sorceress, but it seemed
to fit so much nicer to have Ears come in and avenge his best friend.
So why did I spare Big Ears? Well, I was literally in the middle of
drawing the frame where Drasst was stabbing/killing him, when I suddenly
started having all these cool thoughts about what Big Ears could bring to the
story. He was actually growing on me and I found myself wanting to see him
grow as a character. And now, he is one of my favorite characters.
The Drow Babe’s Name

The character known to many readers as simply “Drow Babe” was
written with a name. Around the time of introduction, I was to add her
name into the story by having one of the other characters mention it
casually, however, I forgot. And before I knew it, enough time had passed in
the storyline that if I had introduced her name, it would have changed the
whole pace of the story as readers would be raising an eyebrow and saying
“Oh, THAT’s her name?”. It would have been sort of ‘out of rhythm’. So
anyways, her name was Tryst Drow’den. Now you know.

Fumbles’ Fumble Chart
A critical success or failure in D&D can turn the tide of a battle. I’ve seen
it make players so mad that they hurl their dice across the room and I’ve
seen it make players so happy that they’ve actually burst into tears of
happiness. Just the knowledge that they can happen at any time can make
even high-level adventurers a little nervous.
To use this fumble chart, simply roll a d8 after a fumble has occurred and
then roll the appropriate die for the selected sub chart. At times, the
results may not perfectly correspond with what’s going on in the game. It is
then up to the DM to alter the results to make them fit the situation while
trying to change as little as possible.
Some of the results in this chart really have nothing to do with the
fumbler’s skill. For instance, how can one’s ability or inability to swing a
sword have anything to do with lightning striking the battlefield? It doesn’t.
The point of these charts is to create a sense of chaos in the game and leave
players knowing that weird stuff can happen. It all depends on how you want
to balance realistic with fun, but slightly wacky.
When a chart refers to a minimum fumble, this means that the fumbler’s
turn comes to an end at the point of the fumble, regardless of how many
actions he had left. Sometimes, fumbling isn’t dropping your weapon or
falling down, but is simply timing an attack poorly, which results in the
opponent being slightly faster for just a moment. Or perhaps over
extending one’s self and spending the next couple of seconds in the round
regaining one’s balance. Untrained eyes watching the battle may not even
notice a minimum fumble. It is simply the automatic end to the fumbler’s
turn. All results of every chart here end with a minimum fumble. That is to
say that no fumbler can ever perform any kind of action after the results of
the fumble chart have been determined. Of course when the next round
occurs, they are free to do anything they wish and possibly fumble again.
(d8) Category selection role (d8)
1. Weapon Break (Choose one of the three charts below)

2. Weapon Thrown

3. Trip and Fall
4. Hit Something/Someone Else
5. Terrain Interaction
6. Wardrobe Malfunction
7. Truly Bizarre Happenings
8. Lucky Fumbles
#1.1 Weapon Break (Melee or Throwing Weapon) (d6)

If the weapon being used in this case is magical, masterwork, or is involved
with some other reason why it cannot be easily damaged, then execute a
minimum fumble instead of rolling off of this chart.
To add a bit more realism (but more dice rolling) to this chart, the DM may
choose to allow the fumbler’s weapon a saving throw when applicable.
If there are no solid surfaces or objects for the fumbler’s weapon to strike,
then execute a minimum fumble.
1. Weapon becomes cracked or chipped, obtaining a –1 to damage. If

the weapon is already cracked/chipped, execute #2.
2. A large chunk of the weapon breaks off, obtaining a –1 to hit and –1
to damage. If the weapon is already missing a large chunk, execute
#3.
3. Aprox. half of the weapon breaks away, obtaining a –4 to hit and –4
to damage. If the weapon is already missing aprox. half, then execute
#4.
4. The weapon shatters into many, useless pieces.
5. The weapon shatters into many useless pieces, which fly out in all
directions. The range of this “explosion” is based on the fumbler’s
STR.
• STR bonus of –1 or less…..All creatures within a 10 foot radius
are possibly hit by flying debris
• STR bonus of +0….. All creatures within a 15 foot radius are
possibly hit by flying debris

• STR bonus of +5 or greater….. All beings within a 60 foot radius
are possibly hit by flying debris
For every being within the radius of the “explosion”, roll (which
includes the fumbler)
• d6 –5 for tiny creatures
• d6 –4 for small creatures
• d6 –3 for medium creatures
• d6 –2 for large creatures
• d6 –1 for huge creatures
For each number rolled, roll an attack on that character at +3 to hit.
Each successful hit represents a weapon shard/chunk to hit that
creature.
The damage produced by the flying debris is based on the material of
the fumbled weapon.
• Wooden Chunks…..Each piece does d2 damage
• Stone Chunks…..Each piece does d4-1 damage
• Metal Shards…..Each piece does d4 damage
6. The weapon shatters as in #5, but also causes one or more
shards/chunks to somehow affect the terrain. Roll from the Terrain
Interaction Chart (#5) as well as the appropriate debris rolls as
indicated above.
#1.2 Weapon Break (Bow) (d6)

If the weapon being used in this case is magical, masterwork, or is involved
with some other reason why it cannot be easily damaged, then execute a
minimum fumble instead of rolling off of this chart.
To add a bit more realism (but more dice rolling) to this chart, the DM
may choose to allow the fumbler’s weapon a saving throw when applicable.
1. Bowstring breaks.
2. Bowstring breaks and whips back toward the fumbler. Roll for the
string at +1 to hit. If the string whips the fumbler, it does 1 point of
damage.

string at +2 to hit. If the string whips the fumbler, it does d2 damage.
string at +4 to hit. If the string whips the fumbler, it does d2 damage.
The Fumbler makes a Will Save at DC 10 to avoid calling/screaming
out in surprise at the sudden, sharp pain.
5. The bow itself snaps in two as it’s being drawn.
6. The bow itself snaps in two as it’s being drawn. This throws the
fumbler off balance. Roll from the Trip and Fall Chart (#3).
#1.3 Weapon Break (Unarmed Combat) (d4)

The DM may choose to increase or decrease the amount of damage the
fumbler takes from this chart, depending on what the weapon (assuming it’s
a hand or foot) actually hit. Example… accidentally punching a spiked wall
would do much more damage than accidentally punching a pillow.
If the fumbler is wearing gauntlets or metal boots, etc. then roll from chart
#1.1 instead.
1. The fumbler’s hand or foot hits the wrong target (a wall or floor,
etc.) or is blocked effectively. Take 1 point of damage.
etc.) or is blocked effectively. Take d4 damage.
etc.) or is blocked effectively. Take d4+1 damage. Although the
fumbler can still use the body part normally in non-combat situations,
she can no longer attack with it until the damage is healed, as it’s
painfully damaged.
etc.) or is blocked effectively. Take d4+1 damage. The body part
cannot be used for any purpose, in or out of combat, until the damage
is healed as it’s very painfully damaged.
#2 Weapon Thrown (d6)

If the fumbler is using a melee or throwing weapon, it slips out of his hand
during battle. Roll from the chart below to decide the direction that the
weapon flies. Then use the strength chart to discern how far the weapon
goes.

If the fumbler is using a bow, the DM can either decide that the arrow has
fired too early or too late, or perhaps the fumbler has slipped just as he was
firing, causing the arrow to fly away in the wrong direction (ignoring the
strength/distant chart), or maybe the arrow slipped out of his hand while
being drawn from the quiver just as a melee weapon would.
If the fumbler is fighting barehanded, ignore this chart and execute a

minimum fumble.
1. The weapon is dropped and lands harmlessly at the fumbler’s feet.

For this result, do not use the strength/distance chart.
2. The weapon slips out of the fumbler’s hand and flies directly
forward. For anyone in the path of the weapon, roll a to hit, adding
the fumbler’s strength bonus to the roll. If someone is hit, the
weapon does 50% its normal damage.
3. The weapon slips out of the fumbler’s hand and flies off to his
right. For anyone in the path of the weapon, roll a to hit, adding the
fumbler’s strength bonus to the roll. If someone is hit, the weapon
does 50% its normal damage.
4. The weapon slips out of the fumbler’s hand and flies off to his
left. For anyone in the path of the weapon, roll a to hit, adding the
fumbler’s strength bonus to the roll. If someone is hit, the weapon
does 50% its normal damage.
backward. For anyone in the path of the weapon, roll a to hit, adding
the fumbler’s strength bonus to the roll. If someone is hit, the
weapon does 50% its normal damage.
upward. Number anyone within 30 feet of the fumbler (including the
fumbler himself) starting at 1 and then roll a d12. If a number
representing a character is rolled, roll a to hit, adding the fumbler’s
strength bonus to the roll. If an unselected number is rolled, then
the weapon lands harmlessly on the ground. If someone is hit, the
weapon does its full damage.
• STR bonus of –1 or less….. The weapon flies 10 feet away from

the fumbler

• STR bonus of +0….. The weapon flies 20 feet away from the
fumbler
fumbler
fumbler
fumbler
fumbler
fumbler
#3 Trip and Fall (d6)
1. The fumbler slips a little but does not actually fall over.
Aside from looking slightly silly, nothing more than a minimum
fumble occurs.
2. The fumbler slips. Roll a balance check (DC 8) to avoid falling
over and becoming prone (attackers get +4 to hit the fumbler)
until he can act again.
3. The fumbler slips. Roll a balance check (DC 12) to avoid falling
over, taking d2 damage from the fall and becoming prone
(attackers get +4 to hit the fumbler) until he can act again.
4. The fumbler trips. Roll a balance check (DC 16) to avoid falling
over, taking d4 damage from the fall and becoming prone
over, taking d4+1 damage from the fall and becoming prone
over, taking d4+1 damage from the fall, becoming prone
(attackers get +4 to hit the fumbler) until he can act again and
losing his weapon. Roll from the Weapon Thrown Chart (#2).
#4 Hit Something/Someone Else (d4)

1. The fumbler over swung (or stabbed, punched, kicked, shot,
etc) at her target. This caused her to lose her balance and
possibly hit someone or something else. Number any creature
or object roughly the size of the fumbler’s target, within the
attacking weapon’s range (including the fumbler herself),
starting at 1 and then roll a d12. If a number representing a
character is rolled, roll a to hit, adding the fumbler’s strength
bonus to the roll. The creature hit receives 50% of the normal
damage done by the attacking weapon. Objects chosen by the
d12 roll are automatically hit. If an unselected number is
rolled, then the weapon missed and this counts as a minimum
fumble.
attacking weapon’s range (including the fumbler herself and her
intended target), starting at 1 and then roll a d12. If a number
representing a character is rolled, roll a to hit, adding the
fumbler’s strength bonus to the roll. The creature hit receives
100% of the normal damage done by the attacking weapon.
Objects chosen by the d12 roll are automatically hit. If an
unselected number is rolled, then the weapon missed and this
counts as a minimum fumble.
Objects chosen by the d12 roll are automatically hit. For any
creature or object selected by the d12 roll (regardless of
whether or not the fumbler’s weapon hit), the fumbler stumbles
into it, which offers the creature an Attack of Opportunity or
takes damage from the object if applicable (if the object is a

spiked pillar, for instance). If the fumbler’s weapon is ranged,
then ignore this feature of the fumble. If an unselected
number is rolled, then the weapon missed and this counts as a
minimum fumble.
Objects chosen by the d12 roll are automatically hit. For any
creature or object selected by the d12 roll (regardless of
whether or not the fumbler’s weapon hit), the fumbler stumbles
into it, which offers the creature an Attack of Opportunity or
takes damage from the object if applicable (if the object is a
spiked pillar, for instance). If the fumbler’s weapon is ranged,
then ignore this feature of the fumble. If it turns out that a
creature or object is struck, then roll the Weapon Break Chart
(#1) as the weapon may have become broken on or in the
creature or object hit. If an unselected number is rolled, then
the weapon missed and this counts as a minimum fumble.
#5 Terrain Interaction (d6)

This chart may require the DM to do some hefty connecting of the
dots.
1. The ground on which the fumbler is standing has become

unstable in some way (a small sink hole caves in, a crack in the
floor crumbles and becomes a bit larger, a rotting floor board
gives way, etc), which causes him to possibly fall over. Roll from
the Trip and Fall Chart (#3) and create some form of minor
damage to the ground where the fumbler is/was standing.
2. Something from above falls toward the fumbler. This could
be as harmless as a pinecone from a tree branch or a passing
bird doing its business. In which case, this might not be

anything more than a particularly goofy looking minimum fumble.
But if there are stalactites or loose bricks above the fumbler,
this fumble could be seriously damaging or even fatal. The
fumbler receives a Reflex Save (DC 8) to avoid being hit by the
falling object.
3. Some form of local wildlife stumbles into the fumbler. This
could be a bug flying into his face or a passing bear not
watching where it’s going and walking into him. The DM must
decide what the most common form of wildlife for the area is
and use that. The severity of this fumble and the damage
taken (if any) from the collision depends on what the intruding
creature happens to be (the fumbler may even make a new
animal friend, depending on how he reacts). If the fumbler is in
an area that genuinely cannot have any form of local wildlife,
4. The fumbler accidentally starts a fire. Somehow, the
fumbler has started a fire in the area. If there is a torch
nearby, then he’s knocked it over. If there is lamp oil anywhere
in the area, he’s somehow caused it to spill onto an open flame
or perhaps a spark created from clashing swords have caused it
to ignite. The DM could even go so far as to declare that metal
hitting metal has caused sparks to land on nearby curtains, wood
or another flammable object to start the blaze. If there is
just no plausible (or even semi-plausible) way for a fire to start,
5. The fumbler’s actions have caused something large to topple
over. Are there walls or pillars or trees nearby? Perhaps an old
barn? Maybe a tall statue or ancient fountain. Whatever it is,
the fumbler has somehow caused something to fall over or
collapse. It could be that during the battle, he bumped into the
object in question or perhaps his mighty war hammer was
blocked by his enemy’s shield, causing it to bounce into the
crumbling, stone floor, which created a small crack to open and
dart toward the 150 foot, marble pillar in the centre of the
ruins. The DM should find the most plausible way to have the
nearest large object fall or crumble due to the fumbler’s
actions. If there is absolutely nothing that could fall over or no
way to create such an effect, then execute a minimum fumble.

6. The fumbler’s actions have caused something to spill, break
or fall. Where as #5 deals with large objects toppling over,
this result deals with anything that can spill, smash or break.
Is there liquid of any kind in a pot or jug? Are there breakable
dishes on a table or perhaps paintings hanging on a wall? Even a
crowd of leaves falling from a tree that has just been struck
with a heavy weapon would count here. In this instance, the DM
should find the most plausible way to make a mess and hopefully
break something valuable. If there is absolutely nothing in the
area that fits this category, then execute a minimum fumble.
#6 Wardrobe Malfunction (d4)

After determining the result(s) from this fumble chart, roll a body
part from list below it. Once an area of the body is rolled, choose the
outer most piece of clothing or armor that is worn on that body part.
Note that a shield or buckler counts as a piece of armor in this case.
If there is no clothing or armor worn on the selected body part, then

execute a minimum fumble.
If the selected clothing, armor or similarly worn item is magical,

masterwork, or is involved with some other reason why it can not be
easily damaged, then execute a minimum fumble.
To add a bit more realism (but more dice rolling) to this chart, the DM
may choose to allow the fumbler’s piece of clothing or armor a saving
throw when applicable.
1. The item worn by the fumbler is struck with a blow or

caught and ripped, either from an attacker, from the fumbler’s
own weapon or from some other, random force. The section of
the item that covers this body part now has a large, ugly rip or
dent in it, though it is still wearable. If the item is a form of
armour, it may still function with no penalties. If the clothing
or armour piece has already been ripped/dented in this manner,
execute #2.

the item that covers this body part has been torn apart or
severely dented. If the item is a piece of clothing, it now
appears as rags that barely hang onto the fumbler and has little
use. If the item is a form of armour, it now functions with a –1
penalty. If the clothing or armour piece has already been
torn/severely dented in this manner, execute #3.
the item that covers this body part has been shredded and
completely removed from the fumbler. If the item is a piece of
clothing, it is no longer on the wearer and now lays on the
ground in useless pieces. If the item is a form of armour, it has
been severely dented and the buckles or straps (if any) that
hold it onto the fumbler have been destroyed, causing this
section of the piece to immediately fall to the ground. These
straps must be repaired or replaced before the armour piece
can be worn again with a –2 penalty. If there are other pieces
of armour or clothing directly connected to this piece, they fall
off as well. If the clothing or armour piece has already been
shredded/severely dented in this manner, execute #4.
the item that covers this body part has been shredded and
completely removed from the fumbler. If the item is a piece of
clothing, it is no longer on the wearer and now lays on the
ground in useless pieces. If the item is a form of armour, it has
been crunched and the buckles or straps (if any) that hold it
onto the fumbler have been destroyed, causing the piece to
immediately fall to the ground. If there are other pieces of
armour or clothing directly connected to this piece, they fall
off as well. The armour piece is now a useless hunk of material
that can no longer offer any protection.
Body Part List (d20)

Roll this chart after rolling from the above chart.

1-4. Weapon arm/Main arm
5-6. Non weapon arm/Secondary arm
7. Head
8-10. Chest
11-14. Front leg (same side as the weapon arm)
15-16. Back leg (same side as the secondary arm)
17-20. Waist/Groin area (this selection affects the entire piece of
clothing/armour worn as leggings)
#7 Truly Bizarre Happenings (d6)

Although this chart is a selection of jaw droppingly improbable
happenings, it’s a lot of fun. I use a chart very similar to this one in
my own game and every time someone fumbles, my players all seem to
hold their breath, hoping for this chart to pop up. If however, you
don’t want to use this, simply re-roll from the main chart.
1. The fumbler’s opponent becomes a nemesis. During the battle, the

fumbler’s opponent has become so enraged with her, that he loudly
vows to destroy the fumbler at any cost. Depending on the current
situation, this opponent may even run away to plan for the fumbler’s
painful death at a later date. For the rest of his life, the opponent’s
priorities have shifted to include the fumbler’s death (and possibly
humiliation, torture or other form of punishment) as his life’s goal.
2. Another battle from another dimension interrupts things.
Suddenly, a portal appears above the fumbler and a well-armoured
adventurer of some kind falls out of it and onto her (reflex save DC
14 to avoid being tackled). This tackle causes the fumbler to take
d6+1 damage and be knocked to the ground. The adventurer will
quickly apologize, stand up and wave his hand to create yet another
portal. A second or two later, some form of hideous monster appears
from a third portal and lands directly on the fumbler’s opponent (same
reflex save as above), knocking him down as well. The adventurer
yelps in fear at the sight of the hideous monster and leaps through
the third portal. The monster follows him just as all the portals close
up, leaving no trace of the bizarre interruption ever happening. If
anyone else in the battle happens to have a held action or some other
means of either stopping or attacking these two interrupters or even

leaping into the portals himself, then I say good luck to the DM. He’s
going to need it.
3. On the other side of the realm, a small boy finds a ring of wishes.
During the battle, a child in a far off land has been attempting to wish
for a friend. How does this have anything to do with the fumbler?
Well, the child’s wish was worded very poorly and somehow, this has
caused the fumbler’s weapon to suddenly come to life and gain the
ability to speak (it’d all make perfect sense if you heard the actual
wish and thought about the wording in a literal sense). The DM can
choose to role a d20 as a simple way to determine its personality. A 1
represents a very unpleasant and annoying personality while a 20
represents the most pleasant and helpful type of being.
4. Lightning strikes the fumbler. If the fumbler is indoors, then
lightning strikes the outside of whatever structure she is in and this
causes something from the Terrain Interaction Chart (#5) to
randomly occur. If the fumbler is outdoors, then lightning just
happens to naturally occur and strike her. Luckily, this is not a large
bolt of natural lightning and it does a mere 2d6 damage.
5. An evil clone of the fumbler is accidentally created. Thousands of
years ago, a coven of witches knew of a secret way to transform one’s
own shadow into an exact duplicate of herself. The coven is long gone
along with the secret, but that doesn’t mean that someone like the
fumbler can’t accidentally perform this magic. In a scwillion to one
chance, while the fumbler has been battling, she has been performing
the exact movements to empower her own shadow with the darkest of
lost magics. The lighting, temperature and alignment of the stars
have all been just right and now, in a coincidence that has waited
thousands of years to happen, the fumbler’s shadow rises up from the
ground (or wall) and instantly forms into an evil version of her. Aside
from the alignment difference, this copy is identical in abilities and
equipment. Once summoned, there is a 50% chance that the clone will
run off to cause trouble and destroy the fumbler’s good name (if she
has one) and a 50% chance that she’ll stay and fight the original. If
the fumbler in this case is evil to begin with, the clone is of good
alignment.
6. A portal to hell is ripped into the very fabric of space. As the
fumbler’s weapon clashes against something metal (an opponent’s
sword, a breast plate, etc), a high-pitched tone emits from the

vibrating object. In a freak occurrence, the tone is exactly the pitch
needed to open a gateway to hell itself! A large rip appears in the air
near the fumbler. Fire and the sounds of painful wailing burst forth
into the area. This portal cannot be closed without powerful magics.
If a character falls or jumps into the portal, he is most likely never
seen again. Every day, there is a 25% chance that a random demon
will climb out of the portal. The tone required to open a hell gate
cannot be purposefully recreated as the required pitch changes with
each passing moment.
#8.1 Lucky Fumbles (Melee Weapon) (d4)
1. The weapon slips out of the fumbler’s hand and flies through
the air, striking his opponent with deadly force. The accidental
blow does x2 damage and causes the opponent to fall to the
ground (Will Save DC 16 to stay standing). If the fumbler’s
weapon was blunt, it bounces off of the opponent and
coincidently lands back in the fumbler’s hand making it appear
to all onlookers as though he is some sort of god-like warrior
with flawless skill. If the weapon was bladed, it sticks into the
opponent, but when he falls over, it bounces out of him and
lands back in the fumbler’s grasp with the same, complimentary
effect. If the opponent does not fall to the ground, the bladed
weapon does not automatically return to the fumbler.
2. The fumbler misses his opponent and strikes the ground or
similarly solid object/surface. A tiny shard flies off of the
weapon and manages to hit the opponent directly in an eye. The
opponent is blinded in that eye and suffers a –1 to hit from that
point on.
upward. If there is anything other than sky above the fumbler,
his weapon strikes it, causing debris to fall directly onto the
opponent (see chart below for damage). If the weapon is
bladed, it sticks into the above surface or object (unless the
surface is unpiercable) and stays there. If the weapon is blunt,
it falls gracefully back into the fumbler’s hand.
• If the debris is wooden (a tree branch, etc) the opponent
takes d6 damage.

• If the debris is metallic (a chandelier, etc) the opponent
takes d8 damage.
• If the debris is stone (chunks of a castle ceiling, etc) the
opponent takes d8 damage.
If there is nothing but open sky above the fumbler, the weapon falls
directly on the opponent, doing standard damage.
4. The fumbler stumbles clumsily about, causing the opponent to
step back suddenly and lose his balance. The opponent’s next
attack is automatically a fumble. Otherwise, this fumble counts
as a minimum fumble.
#8.2 Lucky Fumbles (Ranged Weapon) (d4)
1. The fumbler slips just as he’s firing or throwing his weapon.

The weapon happens to hit his opponent in an even more deadly
fashion than planned, doing x2 damage.
2. The fumbler misses his opponent but hits a nearby structure
or object, causing it to fall onto the intended target. The
damage done by the object is determined by the DM and can
vary widely depending on the nature of the falling object. If
there is no object around, then count this fumble as a regular,
accidental hit, which does standard damage.
3. The fumbler slips just as he’s firing or throwing his weapon,
causing it to fly directly upward. If there is anything other
than sky above the fumbler, his weapon strikes it, causing
debris to fall directly onto the opponent (see chart below for
damage).
• If the debris is wooden (a tree branch, etc) the opponent
takes d6 damage.
• If the debris is metallic (a chandelier, etc) the opponent
takes d8 damage.
1. If the debris is stone (chunks of a castle ceiling, etc) the
opponent takes d8 damage.
If there is nothing but open sky above the fumbler, the weapon falls
directly on the opponent, doing standard damage.
4. The opponent dodges or blocks the ranged attack, but in
doing so, he stumbles. His next attack is automatically a
fumble.

#8.3 Lucky Fumbles (Unarmed Combat) (d4)
1. As the fumbler positions himself in an attack stance in which

his fist snaps up, close to his head, he accidentally hits
himself. This does a single point of damage, but mysteriously
knocks the fumbler into a Zen-like state of ready awareness.
For the rest of this combat, he gains +1 to hit and a +2 to all
reflex saves.
2. The fumbler’s attack misses, but the body part he attacks
with becomes accidentally entangled in a piece of his
opponent’s clothing, hair or whatever seems the most plausible.
This entanglement throws the opponent off guard for a few
seconds and the fumbler can now make an attack of opportunity
(provided he hasn’t already taken one this round). Due to the
entanglement, the opponent cannot use his dexterity in his
armour class for this attack. As soon as the attack is made,
the opponent and the fumbler are no longer entangled and they
break free, to return to normal combat.
3. The fumbler accidentally looks really cool! During battle, the
fumbler slips and falls in such a way that he rolls or slides (the
fumbler can decide exactly what happens) and ends up snapping
back to his feet with no negative effects, other than this
counting as a minimum fumble. This whole fumble appears to all
onlookers as though it was done on purpose and that the action
involved in rolling, spinning, sliding or whatever form this ‘falling
down’ took, was the result of many years of exhausting practice.
The DM can decide what effect this display of stunning combat
mastery does for any opponents who witness it. They may run,
or surrender or even promise to spread the word of this
legendary warrior to others. Of course, depending on the
personality of the opponents, they may just ignore it and
continue fighting.
4. The fumbler leaves himself open and his opponent gets an
attack of opportunity. However, it’s during this attack that
the fumbler notices a “tell” on his opponent (the opponent
lowers his right arm just before a kick or sword swing or
something along those lines). The fumbler now gains a

permanent +1 circumstance bonus to his amour class whenever
fighting this opponent.

I show you this comic now, not because I believe it to be some great work of
art that will one day rock the world of D&D comics, but rather for the opposite
reason. Y’know when you have a really terrible photo of yourself and you suddenly
feel compelled to show it to your friend and say “Look at this picture of me from
1988, I have a freakin mullet!”? Well, that’s kind of what I’m doing here. Except
mullets were once in fashion while this comic, in all of it’s awkward glory, was not.
It’s just bad.
The idea was to create a comic that would switch between the player’s points
of view and the character’s points of view. I had planned to draw the players in an
abstract and simple fashion (they were floating torsos with oddly shaped heads)
while giving the characters much more detail.
Like my earliest pages of Goblins, I had not yet figured out how to draw
hands and was still nestled deeply into the bad habit of drawing oversized mittens.
I was aware of this artistic flaw of mine and I decided to make fun of myself when
drawing the character Bair. His hands were even larger and mittenier
(“mittenier”?) than normal. I just figured that if people reading my work were
going to be seeing this handicap of mine (no pun intended, really) then instead of
trying to hide it, why not wave it around and laugh about it. This is generally my
attitude toward my own embarrassing secrets and why I could never wear a toupee.
I’d be pointing at my head during parties and yelling “Look at my toupee, everyone!”.
The title of this comic came from a saying that was used many times during
our D&D games. Characters would die and while that player sat bored at the table,
he or she would sometimes be compelled to shout out warnings to other players
about possible dangers up ahead. “Shut-up, you’re dead!” was shouted far too many
times at our gaming table.
Please excuse the poor quality of the scanned pages.

What To Expect From The
Goblins Storyline
Warning, Some Minor Spoilers!

Depending on when this is being read, some or maybe even all of the things
listed here may no longer be spoilers. But at the time this is written, none
of the stuff mentioned here has happened yet.
Also, this is a list of minor spoilers. Which means that you won’t find a list
of characters who will die or a description of what Kore looks like under his
helmet. What you will find is…
The Goblin Adventuring Party

After sneaking away from the rest of the goblin adventuring party (or
GAP as I refer to them on my end), Fumbles will eventually reach Brassmoon
City. Once there, things will go very badly for him.
The rest of the GAP will get to the city after Fumbles, and knowing
that he’s in there, attempt to rescue him. It’s around this time that we’ll
learn about Thaco’s secret past and how it’s connected very deeply with
Brassmoon.
Once the story moves into Brassmoon City, we’ll see a lot of new
characters introduced.
As the Brassmoon story arc comes to a climax, we’ll see a war. Yes, a
war. Hundreds of characters all battling, with the GAP stuck in the middle
of it all. I’m both excited and frightened by this, since I refuse to do it
unless I can do it right. This means that I want pages and pages of crowds
of characters all fighting in a massive battle. When the comic reaches this
point, I plan to make sure that I have nothing else that I need to do for
awhile as this will be the most taxing, and hopefully the most visually
stimulating part of the comic to date.
And just like the climax of the battle between the adventurers and
the goblin warcamp, things will get dark and a lot of things will be different
afterward.

Dies Horribly And Klik
There isn’t much that I’m willing to release about these two, but we’ll
learn more about Klik as well as Dies Horribly’s new arm.
This story arc will grow in scale as many new and important characters
are introduced.
The Goblin Viper Clan

They’re coming, and they’re SO cool! I’ve been sketching them for
months now. Not because I need more sketches of them, but because they
rock.
The main goblins that we know all too well are an example of a failed
goblin clan. They’re not the legends that they used to be and as a result, are
now pestered constantly by 1st level rookies instead of periodic attacks by
higher-level adventurers. This is really why goblins try to become better
organized and tougher. There are less high-level adventurers than there are
low-level ones. So the higher the challenge rating of your clan, the less
you’re attacked.
The Viper clan is on the other end of the spectrum as they’re an
example of a successful clan. They are much tougher, they ride worgs, and
they don’t consider most adventurers to be a problem. They consider them
to be prey.
Minmax And Forgath

Minmax and Complains of Names will, of course, meet again. But
before that, the adventurers have to actually adventure in order to find the
goblins. And as the GAP will be gaining new, magic items and going up levels,
so will these two adventurers, so the second meeting of these two groups
will be very different than their first battle.
Expect the storyline to change drastically once these guys find the
GAP.
Forgath’s Fortune
“When the serpent becomes your prey, friends will become enemies
and love will fuel hate” and “You will die in a great battle with another
dwarf”.
I’m still getting emails about this. Firstly, let me say that neither of
these prophecies has come to pass yet. When they happen, you’ll know it. If
you’re raising an eyebrow at the comic you’ve just read and thinking “Was

that the prophecy? I think it was.” then it wasn’t. Trust me, you’ll know.
You’ll be knowing your ass off.
Kore
By far, the most mysterious and controversial character in the comic.
I have gotten waves and waves of emails about this guy. People complaining
that I’m portraying paladins incorrectly, people who think I’m doing a
fantastic job of portraying the perfect paladin, people who think that he’s
not really a paladin, people who hate that he keeps killing off great
characters and of course, people who want to know what the deal with him is.
Well let me say that if I were reading about this character for this
long only to find out that he’s simply not a paladin, I’d feel a little bummed
out. So let’s just assume for now that he’s a paladin.
Ever since I introduced him, Kore has been the center of many
alignment debates in the Goblins forum. I won’t give out much in the way of
specific information about him right now but I’ll tell you the things that we
will be learning about him in the future.
We will learn his alignment.
We will see him without his helmet and yes, there’s a surprise under
there.
We will see him battle the GAP and yes, this battle gets gruesome.
Have tissues nearby.
We will learn how the hell a paladin can do something like kill an
innocent, little kid as well as others who are just trying to run away and still
be a paladin. And before you join the ranks of people who send me emails on
this… yes, I understand that this shouldn’t be possible.

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carlton tanner (order #781017) 7

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The Non-Goblin Adventuring Party

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Blood and Violence

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The Goblin Who Wouldn’t Die

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The Drow Babe’s Name

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(d8) Category selection role (d8)

1. Weapon Break (Choose one of the three charts below)

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#1.1 Weapon Break (Melee or Throwing Weapon) (d6)

1. Weapon becomes cracked or chipped, obtaining a –1 to damage. If

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#1.2 Weapon Break (Bow) (d6)

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#1.3 Weapon Break (Unarmed Combat) (d4)

#2 Weapon Thrown (d6)

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If the fumbler is fighting barehanded, ignore this chart and execute a

1. The weapon is dropped and lands harmlessly at the fumbler’s feet.

• STR bonus of –1 or less….. The weapon flies 10 feet away from

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#3 Trip and Fall (d6)

#4 Hit Something/Someone Else (d4)

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#5 Terrain Interaction (d6)

1. The ground on which the fumbler is standing has become

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#6 Wardrobe Malfunction (d4)

If there is no clothing or armor worn on the selected body part, then

If the selected clothing, armor or similarly worn item is magical,

1. The item worn by the fumbler is struck with a blow or

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Body Part List (d20)

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#7 Truly Bizarre Happenings (d6)

1. The fumbler’s opponent becomes a nemesis. During the battle, the

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#8.1 Lucky Fumbles (Melee Weapon) (d4)

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#8.2 Lucky Fumbles (Ranged Weapon) (d4)

1. The fumbler slips just as he’s firing or throwing his weapon.

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1. As the fumbler positions himself in an attack stance in which

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Warning, Some Minor Spoilers!

The Goblin Adventuring Party

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The Goblin Viper Clan

Minmax And Forgath

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