Revision Matrix

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I made How this change
WP submission : question I received to what I initially impacts my paper :
(Note which WP) (from whom/where?) wrote :

WP1 : Their writing Professor : This part I decided to actually Initially I didn't
style was formal yet of my paper was remove this sentence realize that I was
clear, designed to be highlighted. from my paper. repeating myself and
understandable for the sentence made no
students. sense.

WP1 : The scientific Professor : Again this For this part of the wp By doing this I can
journal is organized seems mostly like a I decided that I need help the reader better
by starting off with summary of the to elaborate more and understand what I'm
highlights, those are article I decided to show a trying to demonstrate
key points or main few examples. by showing it in a
ideas through the different way.
article.

WP 1 : Psychology Professor : This part The two articles look I kept those sentences
searches into the of my paper was into the differences but I was able to
aspects of women's highlighted. And it between psychology change and add my
perceptions of their stated that the thesis thesis. I tried not to
and sociology . They
bodies by examining did not fully answer change it too much.
the thoughts, the prompt. What do reveal that, despite This made my paper
emotions and actions the different genre their expertise, they to better understand
that shape these conventions reveal differ in how they and get straight to the
views. By exploring about the disciplines? present the point
the responses, Which conventions information and
cognitive tendencies will you look at ? organize their study.
and personal
These differences are
encounters that
impact body image on a reflection of the
issues such as eating varied approaches
disorders and and research groups
dissatisfaction with that exist within each
one's appearance. field.

WP2 : the primary Professor : primary I changed the word By changing the word
text text is the academic “primary text” to not out of many paper,
article - inconsistent confuse my reader. I the audience focus
phrasing is confusing either said translation more on what
to the reader or academic journal. academic
WP 2 : blog style Professor : Intro Mass media can be By adding an intro
translation paragraph ? perceived differently paragraph it gives the
among others. readers a perspective
Television, of what they will be
advertising, and reading about.
magazines constantly
change the way
people are viewed.
The constant change
of appearance has an
enormous toll
towards women.
Majority of women
are constantly
changing their
appearance to what
they see online.

WP 2 : I had to Professor : This part The blog was written By changing the
modify its tone, of my paper was for a wider audience wording and stating
terms, and highlighted. to guarantee its main purpose can
give the reader a new
organization to adapt accessibility and
perspective on how
to the conversational engagement. The the blog presentation
style of blogging. I main purpose of the is being written.
concentrated on academic article was
making the language to compose and
simpler and the present blog-style
content more readable information on
while keeping the women's body image
journal's main ideas. through social media
and how it affects our
everyday lives. Text's
layouts are to help
communicate to
others if they have
ever felt alone or that
they didn't fit a
specific body type
category. To
encourage other
women to share their
knowledge and to let
 the readers know that
they aren't alone.

WP 2 : “How does Professor : It's not Perhaps you By changing the

hse look so perfect” is clear from a first read constantly wonder visual of my sentence
a common reference what genre this is “How does she look and making it more
while surfing the simple so that
so perfect? '' As you
web. hopefully the
scroll through social audience can glance
media. and will notice its a
blog.
WP 1 : The scientific Professor : This part I decided to delete this Removing this sentence
journal is organized by of my paper was sentence since it made helped my article for
starting off with highlighted. no sense. It stated that the audience to better
highlights, those are the scientific journal is understand.
key points or main organized but the way I
ideas through the worded it was very
article. confusing for the
reader.

WP 1 : I did not use the The professor did not Adding the correct Adding the correct
correct footnotes for comment on the wrong footnotes was a citations makes it easier
this first submission citations but it's requirement for the for the audience to
draft something that had to paper, which was know where I am
be fixed. something that I needed getting my citations.
to fix.

WP 1 : In this research Professor : This part For this part of my For this section of my
journal, the authors of my paper was writing project, i writing project, I
opted for a 3rd person highlighted. changed the wording of opted to revise the
perspective rather than this and i decided to wording and focus
using the first person. just talk about the
solely on discussing
different writing
techniques and
various writing
organization of the techniques and the
academic journals organizational
structures found in
academic journals.
WP 2 : I had to Professor : This part The sentence I used to This change improved
understand the goals of of my paper was change the first person the paper's neutrality
the audience and their highlighted. because it did not sound and professionalism and
expectations outside of like an academic paper. made the information
reading the blog. presented more
comprehensible.

Wp 2 : I did not add Professor : What are I read over 4 articles to Doing this helped my
examples for the blog I examples of blogs you find the articles to those paper because I was
read. read ? that connected with my able to correct my
academic journals to translation by adding
get some inspiration images and adding
colored text.

Wp 2 : There's more Professor : There's My blog consisted of a After reading my

than just the writing more than just the few academic words reflection over and over
style that make a blog a writing style that make that could be harsh for a I realized my blog
blog a blog a blog younger audience to contained nothing that
understand and my blog appeared or sounded
also contained no like a blog for a
images. younger audience.

Wp 2 : My paper had a Professor : Circled my While typing I dont Fixing the correct
few error in which I did error realize I left a few quotations I was able to
not use the correct mistakes behind and the help my audience and
quotations quotations were part of myself see how to fix
it. my punctuation.

Professor : The thesis Professor : The thesis The two articles look I changed my thesis
does not answer this does not answer this into the differences since I didn't really
question, and the two question, and the two between psychology have one in the past
body paragraphs are body paragraphs are and sociology . They draft. I was able to help
my audience understand
more summaries of more summaries of reveal that, despite
what points I was trying
the articles. the articles. their expertise, they to cross.
differ in how they
present the
information and
organize their study.
These differences are
a reflection of the
varied approaches
and research groups
that exist within each
field.