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Social relationships

Chapter · January 2018

DOI: 10.4135/9781506307633.n772

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Kenneth H Rubin Kristina L McDonald

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Development of Relationships

One of the most important tasks in human development is the ability to develop relationships

with significant others. According to Robert Hinde, a Cambridge University scholar who has

written extensively on the topic, relationships are ongoing patterns of interaction between two

individuals who acknowledge some connection with each other. In the case of children and

adolescents, the social partners with whom interaction is most frequently experienced include

parents, peers, and teachers. From Hinde’s multi-level perspective, individuals bring to their

social exchanges, reasonably stable social orientations (temperament; personality) that dispose

them to be more or less sociable, and a repertoire of social skills for understanding the thoughts,

emotions, and intentions of others and for solving social dilemmas. Over the short term, a

child’s or adolescent’s interactions with others will vary in form and function in response to

fluctuations in the parameters of the social situation, such as the parent’s or peer’s

characteristics, overtures, and responses. Often, these social interactions lead to, and become

embedded in longer-term relationships. Relationships, in turn, are influenced by past and

anticipated future interactions. For example, the nature of any given relationship is defined partly

by the characteristics of its members, and by its constituent interactions. Over the long-term, the

kind of relationship that any two individuals form with one another depends largely on the

history of their interactions and relationships, not only with each other, but also with other

members of their personal social community. The first dyadic relationships that children

experience are embedded within a group -- the family. Families help define the type and range

of relationships and interactions that are likely or permissible.

Many theories of human development suggest that relationships with others are important

for the development of healthy social and emotional lives. In this entry, we review the
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development of relationships with parents, peers, friends, and romantic partners. The central

argument presented herein is that the earliest relationships children form with their primary

caregivers help shape the formation of internalized, mental representations of relationships,

which, in turn, subsequently affect the development of other significant relationships.

Attachment Relationships

It has been proposed that the attachment relationship between the child and his/her primary

caregiver (most often, the mother) derives from a biologically-rooted behavioral system that is

marked by the infant’s natural proximity-seeking to caregivers for safety, security, and support.

The attachment system regulates both physical and psychological safety in the context of close

relationships. Perceived danger, stress, and threats to the accessibility of attachment figures

activate attachment responses. When children with secure attachments are threatened, they tend

to seek out those with whom they have formed attachments, and in this way, these figures serve

as “safe havens.” In unfamiliar settings, attachment figures also serve as “secure bases” from

which children explore their environment.

The construct of infant attachment to caregivers is typically assessed through a laboratory

paradigm developed by Mary Ainsworth and colleagues. Ainsworth’s Strange Situation

comprises several episodes during which caregivers and strangers enter and leave an unfamiliar

room within which the young child is present. The task is designed to mimic how familiar and

unfamiliar adults flow in and out of a child’s daily life. The quality of the attachment relationship

is assessed by observing how the young child explores the unfamiliar environment when the

caregiver is present and how the child reacts to the departure and subsequent return of the

caregiver. Questionnaires, interviews, and other observational paradigms have been developed

to assess attachment in alternative settings and with older children and adults.
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Secure attachments result from sensitive and responsive caregiving. The sensitive and

responsive parent interprets signals correctly and responds effectively and appropriately to the

child's behaviors and needs. Sensitive and responsive parents do not direct anger or hostility to

their young children, even when they are feeling irritated or annoyed. In the Strange Situation,

infants who explore the environment freely, engage with strangers while the caregiver is present,

and seek proximity to caregivers under stress, are classified as securely attached. When the

caregiver leaves, securely attached infants are visibly upset, but upon reunion, they are relieved

to see the caregiver and easily soothed. Researchers have found that secure infants become

children who express their emotions to others and actively seek help when they are unable to

help themselves. These behaviors help them learn to regulate their emotions, adapt to new

challenges, and significantly, develop healthy relationships with others during their lifetime.

When parents are insensitive and unresponsive, their infants develop insecure

attachments to them. There are three types of insecure attachments: anxious-avoidant, anxious-

ambivalent, and disorganized. In the Strange Situation, children who do not seek caregivers in

times of stress and/or ignore their caregivers after separation are classified as anxious-avoidant.

Anxious-avoidant children often have caregivers who ignore or reject them in times of need.

These children show limited affective engagement with their caregivers, and learn to inhibit their

negative emotions and avoid emotional interactions. In early childhood, some researchers have

shown that anxious-avoidant children have difficulty controlling their anger and, consequently,

have difficulty developing positive peer relationships and friendships.

Children who are unusually clingy with their caregivers in the Strange Situation and need

more reassurance than other infants, even in only mildly stressful situations, are typically

classified as anxious-ambivalent. These children have difficulty separating from parents and
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during reunion they are difficult to comfort. Anxious-ambivalent children have caregivers who

are inconsistent in their availability and sensitivity. One consequence of parental inconsistency

is the display of inflated distress in an effort to elicit caregiver attention. In preschool settings, it

has been reported that these children are easily frustrated, impulsive, and overly anxious. They

are less likely to explore in novel situations and have heightened personal fears. Some of these

children may act aggressively, whereas others act more passively and are prone to social

withdrawal in the company of peers.

Lastly, children who develop disorganized attachment relationships are likely to have

parents who are emotionally or physically abusive. These children show no clear pattern of

behavior in the Strange Situation. As preschoolers, they are more likely than the other

attachment groups to be aggressive and are more likely to develop oppositional defiant disorder,

a persistent pattern of uncooperative, hostile behavior that interferes with a child’s basic

functioning.

Note that the cross-cultural universality of attachment theory has been questioned. Critics

argue that attachment theory emphasizes autonomy, independence, and individuation as defining

competence, all of which are rooted in Western ideals. They also emphasize that caregiver

sensitivity must be culturally defined, and thus differs among societies. Consequently,

traditional measures of attachment, such as the Strange Situation, may not be relevant in all

cultures. For instance, in Eastern cultures, such as Japan, dependence and accommodation are

encouraged in children. Furthermore, babies generally experience less separation from their

caregivers and subsequently may be more stressed by the Strange Situation than American

babies. These cultural differences may explain, in part, why Japanese babies are more likely to

be classified as insecure-ambivalent than babies from the United States. However, with the
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acknowledgment that sensitive parenting, the secure base, and competence may differ in

expressed form across cultures, attachment theory is still useful in understanding the power of

parent-child relationships on later significant relationships.

Internal Working Models

Central to attachment theory is the proposition that early attachment relationships provide a basis

for the development of cognitive representations of the self and others in social relationships

beyond the parent-child dyad. These Internal Working Models (IWMs) are hypothesized to

become so deeply ingrained that they influence feelings, thoughts, and behaviors with significant

others at both the conscious and unconscious level. For example, if the caregiver is consistently

responsive to the child’s needs, the child will feel confident, secure, and self-assured when

introduced to unfamiliar settings. In contrast, if the caregiver is unresponsive to, or rejecting of

the child, she/he may develop an IWM about the self as being unworthy of care; interpersonal

relationships (e.g., friendships) are expected to be rejecting or neglectful, and the social world

may be viewed as hostile and unwelcoming. Thus, early parent-child relationships affect a

child’s “felt security,” a significant developmental phenomenon that provides the child with

sufficient emotional and cognitive sustenance to allow for the active exploration of the social

environment.

In addition, early-parent child relationships are positive to play a direct role in the

development of “rejection sensitivity” or the lack thereof. For example, given their internalized

expectations about the social world, children may act in ways that confirm these beliefs. For

example, if a child has negative expectations of social relationships, he or she is likely to think

that an ambiguously intended harmful event was intentionally caused. The child is also more

likely to choose to react in aggressive ways toward the perceived provocateur, increasing the
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likelihood that the peer will respond in a hostile manner in return. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy,

IWMs cause individuals to behave in ways in which others fulfill their expectations,

strengthening and reinforcing their original schemas. Consequently, IWMs become more difficult

to modify with increasing age.

Friendships

Consistent with the assumption that IWMs are carried forward from relationship-to-relationship,

it has been suggested that significant associations should exist between security of attachment in

parent-child relationships and the quality of children’s close dyadic friendships. That is, children

who form secure attachment relationships with their primary caregiver have been posited to

develop rich, supportive relationships with friends, whilst those with insecure attachment

relationships should have less supportive, more fragile friendships. Recent meta-analyses of the

extant literature have not provided strong evidence for a straight-forward connection between

relationship systems. Friendship appears to be a significant force in development, in and of

itself.

Friendships typically comprise the first significant non-familial relationship that children

develop with others. Friendships may be defined as reciprocal, egalitarian relationships in which

both partners acknowledge the relationship and treat each other as equals. Friendships are

typically characterized by companionship, a shared history, and mutual affection. Significantly,

friendships are voluntary, not obligatory or prescribed. In some cultures, children may be

assigned their "friends", sometimes even at birth. Although these relationships may take on

some of the characteristics and goals of voluntary relationships, most scholars would agree that

by not meeting the criteria of reciprocal choice and mutual affection, their involuntary nature

argues against confusing them with friendship.

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Friendships serve to provide (1) support, self-esteem enhancement, and positive self-

evaluation; (2) emotional security; (3) affection and opportunities for intimate disclosure; (4)

intimacy and affection; (5) consensual validation of interests, hopes, and fears; (6) instrumental

and informational assistance; and (7) prototypes for later romantic, marital, and parental

relationships. Friendships also offer children an extra-familial base of security from which they

may explore the effects of their behaviors on themselves, their peers, and their environments.

Some researchers have argued that young children’s friendships are based on the

maximization of excitement and amusement levels in play. During middle childhood, friendships

allow children to learn behavioral norms and develop necessary social skills. Finally, in

adolescence, friends assist in identity development and self-exploration. These assumptions are

grounded in the existing research on what friendship means to children of different ages. For

example, Robert Selman viewed children as mini-philosophers, for whom beliefs about

friendship shaped both their friendship expectations and behaviors. Selman identified six

friendship issues: formation, closeness and intimacy, trust and reciprocity, jealousy, conflict

resolution and termination. Five developmental stages of friendship understanding were

described within each issue, ranging from a view of friendship as a momentary physical

interaction based on proximity, to an understanding that friendship develops through the

integration of psychological dependency and independence. With development, individuals gain

a better understanding of the psychological nature of friendship, acknowledge interdependency

between friends, recognize the need to balance autonomy and intimacy, coordinate social

perspectives, and show mutual respect for each other’s viewpoint. The developmental stage

sequence proposed by Selman has been supported in numerous studies.

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Approximately 75% to 80% of Western children and adolescents have a mutual best

friendship, and these friendships are remarkably stable. Moreover, most individuals engage in

friendships with peers who are similar to themselves in observable characteristics, such as age,

sex, race, ethnicity, and social behaviors. Indeed, homophily appears to be a central, albeit not

always beneficial, construct in the friendships of children, adolescents, and young adults. For

example, high academic achievers and those who are highly achievement-oriented are more

likely than less academically-oriented youth to have strong students as best friends; aggressive

youth are more likely than non-aggressive individuals to have other aggressive youth as best

friends; shy youth are more likely than non-shy individuals to have other shy youth as best

friends; victims have best friends who are also victimized; females (males) are more likely to

have females (males) than males (females) as best friends; and so on.

Despite these relatively high prevalence rates of friendship, friendship involvement is

fluid; not all friendships (at least those of children and young adolescents) are maintained

throughout elementary or high school, or even across a given school year. Yet, researchers have

consistently shown that most individuals who “lose” a best friend are able to replace their “old”

best friendship with a “new” one.

The significance of having and maintaining friendships is underscored by evidence

suggesting that being friendless is harmful to an individual’s psychological well-being and

adjustment. Youth who are without friends, for instance, tend to report higher levels of loneliness

and internalizing problems than those youth with friends; chronic friendlessness appears to be

the worst case scenario. Importantly however, gaining a friendship can significantly improve the

lives of friendless youth. When a previously friendless individual gains a friend over the course

of the school year, he or she is less likely to be victimized than are chronically friendless youth.
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Having a friend also seems to function as a protective factor for those youth who are at

risk for problems within the peer group. Youth who are at risk for victimization because of their

own personal proclivities (e.g., being aggressive or withdrawn) are less likely to experience

victimization in the peer group if they are befriended rather than friendless. Whilst peer

victimization predicts increases in internalizing and externalizing difficulties during the school

year for those youth without a mutual best friendship, it does not for youth who do have a mutual

best friendship. This protective function also plays out for young adolescents whose relationships

with their parents are less than optimal. All-of-the-above suggests that friendship is a significant

and positive factor in the lives of children, adolescents, and emerging adults.

Significantly, however, research on friendship in adulthood is not as rich and forthcoming

vis-à-vis such constructs as prevalence, stability, the costs of friendlessness, and the role of

friendship in the lives of individuals who are lacking or who experience negativity in their other

interpersonal relationships. However, there does exist a literature on the significance of

friendship in old-age. The extant data in elderly samples indicates that friendships provide

affirmation of worth and companionship. Moreover, having friends with whom to communicate

and discuss mutual concerns is associated with higher levels of psychological well-being and

protection against the

Peer Relationships

There have been suggestions that the quality of the early attachment relationship should predict

the quality of relationships that children and adolescents have in their peer groups, at large.

These suggestions derive from the notion that an IWM of the parent as responsive and available

provides the young child with feelings of confidence and security when introduced to novel

settings. Thus, felt security provides the child with sufficient emotional and cognitive sustenance
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to allow the active exploration of the social environment. Exploration results in active and

interactive play, which, in turn, leads to the development of social competence and interpersonal

problem-solving skills. From this perspective, there is a clear conceptual association between

security of attachment in infancy and the quality of children's social skills and competencies.

Alternatively, the development of an insecure infant-parent attachment relationship

appears to result in the child's developing an IWM that interpersonal relationships are rejecting or

neglectful. In turn, from an attachment theory perspective, the social world is perceived as a

battleground that must either be attacked or escaped from. For the insecure and angry child,

opportunities for peer play and interaction are nullified by displays of hostility and aggression in

the peer group. Such behavior, in turn, results in the child's forced (by the peer group) lack of

opportunities to benefit from the communication, negotiation, and perspective taking experiences

that will typically lead to the development of a normal and adaptive childhood. For the insecure

and wary/anxious child, opportunities for peer play and interaction are nullified by the child her

or himself. Consequently, social and emotional fearfulness prevail to the point at which the

benefits of peer interaction are practically impossible to obtain. Thus, because they demonstrate

socially unskilled aggressive or fearful behavior, insecurely attached children are often rejected

by the peer group.

Support for these conjectures derives, not only from numerous longitudinal studies

relating early childhood attachment status with later childhood and early adolescent outcomes,

but also from recent meta-analyses on the topic. In summary, the extant evidence suggests that

early attachment contributes broadly to children’s positive peer functioning (e.g., social

competence; peer acceptance).

Romantic Relationships
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Like friendship, romantic relationships are voluntary, reciprocal, and egalitarian associations that

provide partners with companionship, intimacy and support. Unique to romantic relationships,

partners are attracted to one another, share feelings of love, and engage in sexual behaviors.

Romantic relationships also differ from friendships in that they become more obligatory and

exclusive over time, especially if the relationship is publically formalized.

Drawing from attachment theory, it has been posited that individual differences in how

romantic love is experienced is due to differences in the quality of the early attachment

relationship. There is growing evidence in support of this conjecture; for example, preliminary

evidence suggests that early secure attachment predicts more positive feelings, felt security, and

support, and less negative behavior in romantic relationships over 20 years later. These

associations are often indirect, being explained, in part, by social competence and by acceptance

in the peer group during childhood and secure, qualitatively rich friendships in adolescence.

According to Wyndol Furman and Amanda Rose, the quality of adolescent romantic

relationships forecast subsequent ones in adulthood. Indeed, cognitive representations of

relationships (internal working models) with parents, friends, and romantic partners all provide

unique contributions to the prediction of subsequent romantic representations. In summary,

researchers have revealed stability between individuals’ attachment representations with

caregivers in infancy and childhood, their friendships in childhood and adolescence, and their

romantic relationships in adulthood. Empirical examinations of these representations suggest that

individuals have both a general working model of others as well as domain-specific

representations of relationships (e.g., parent-child relationships, friendships, and romantic

relationships).

Kenneth H. Rubin and Kristina L. McDonald

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See also: Attachment; Friendship; Peers (Groups, Relationships, Socialization); Social

Development

Further Readings

Ainsworth, M., Blehar, M., Waters, E., and Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment. Hillsdale:

Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Hinde, R.A. (1987). Individuals, relationships and culture. Cambridge: Cambridge University

Press.

Furman, W. & Rose, A. (2015). Friendships Romantic Relationships and Other Dyadic Peer

Relationships in Childhood and Adolescence: A Unified Relational Perspective. In R.

Lerner (Series Ed.) and M. E. Lamb & C. G. Coll (Volume Eds.), The Handbook of Child

Psychology and Developmental Science (Seventh Edition); Vol. 3, Social and Emotional

Development (pp. 1-43). Hoboken, NJ US: John Wiley & Sons Inc.

Rubin, K.H., Bukowski, W., & Bowker, J. (2015). Children in peer groups. In M. Bornstein &

T. Leventhal (Volume Eds.) and RM. Lerner (Series Ed.), Handbook of Child Psychology

and Developmental Science (formerly The Handbook of Child Psychology), Seventh

Edition, Volume Four: Ecological Settings and Processes. pp. 175-222. New York:

Wiley.

Selman, R. L. & Schultz, L. H. (1990). Making a friend in youth: Developmental theory and pair

therapy. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.

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