The fear of missing out

Himani Chikkam
Last summer, I was on a mission. I had to pass not one, but two exams in the middle
of July. So, I did what any self-determined kid would do… and I asked my dad for help. He
got me two textbooks, one for each subject, and told me to read them. But there were a few
rules. I couldn’t touch my phone, computer, tablet, AppleWatch, or even my AirPods until 4
pm, every, single, day. It was hard, but I really wanted to pass, so I didn’t talk to my friends
until 4 in the afternoon, for over two months. Naturally, I felt like I was missing out! From
mall trips to prank calls, I was never there. The more time I spent studying, the farther I felt
from my social life. And that summer was when I realized that FOMO was determined to
ruin my life.

FOMO, the fear of missing out. It’s defined by the National Institute of Health as a
phenomenon, not a diagnosis, that involves two practices. First, the perception of missing
out, and second, the compulsive desire to not miss out. It’s the fear, not only of missing out
in general, but missing out on rewarding experiences that other people are part of. So, first,
let's open our textbooks and learn why FOMO happens, then take some notes about its
negative effects, and finally, find some solutions to, hopefully, pass our exams.

So, what even causes FOMO? It can’t just be social media, right? Don’t quote me
on this, but I’m pretty sure the pilgrims did not wanna miss out on any sleepovers. Though
social media has made FOMO a common experience, it’s not the root source. FOMO is
caused by the anxiety surrounding the idea that an opportunity or experience has been
taken away. Our brain’s limbic system is what mostly controls this.

However, since we are talking about FOMO in particular, a portion of our brains,
known as the amygdala, is responsible for our fear. FOMO is thought to be a result of our
amygdalas hyperfunctioning, which is a plausible theory, as the amygdala controls our
anxiety and fear. According to John Grohol, a doctor in psychology, FOMO starts from our
innate need to have social connections and a sense of belonging. And when our social
needs are not being met, is when FOMO really begins.

FOMO is connected to a numerous amount of human emotions, but the one I want to
focus on is inferiority. Inferiority is the condition of being “lower” than others. Although it’s
normal to occasionally feel inferior, this feeling has been amplified because of FOMO.
Constantly feeling inadequate due to a belief that you are somehow inferior to others is not
healthy and it is not normal. Yet, though it’s not healthy, many people experience FOMO in
this way!
 Another problem with FOMO is that it’s often associated with depression and stress.
But besides the obvious, the fear of missing out is also linked to reduced productivity and
self-esteem issues. Someone with FOMO is likely to keep checking their phone, just in case
they're missing out. Although it’s natural to experience FOMO and the jealousy associated
with it, social media has largely expanded this phenomenon.

According to the Psychiatric Times, FOMO preys on our insecurities. How many
times have you seen a post about someone’s vacation? And how many times have you
thought “I wish I was there” or… “I wish I could afford something like that” or “I wish they
knew that no one cares”. As of 2017, about 73 percent of people think that vacation posts
are annoying.

So, why do we continue to engage? To learn more about people we hardly know? To
define ourselves as individuals? Or is it because we all have at least a little bit of fear that
we’re missing out. So, we continue to use social media to “stay connected”, when we’re
really just fueling our FOMO. I’m not saying that social media is always bad and we all
should delete TikTok as soon as possible, I’m saying that the moment we start to use social
media as an excuse, is the very moment we have succumbed ourselves to the fear of
missing out. If we are always connected, all the time, when the time comes that we don’t
have access to our phones, computers, tablets, AppleWatches, or even our AirPods, we will
feel the negative effects of FOMO.

In fact, many people are experiencing them right now. According to Holistic SEO,
around 69 percent of Americans have experienced FOMO. Which means that, in just
America, over two-hundred million people live with FOMO. And as the National Institute of
Health once stated, people with high amounts of FOMO are more likely to suffer from
alcohol abuse, sleep disorders, and decreased life satisfaction. FOMO is also linked to
stress and loneliness. All of these factors lead to problems in everyday life, depending on
how bad the “case of FOMO” really is. The fear of missing out can affect everything from
your social life to your grades!

I am not saying that experiencing FOMO is inherently bad. FOMO is a normal human
emotion, so it’s understandable that everyone experiences it from time to time. Even
beyond my summer studying, I have still felt FOMO. For example, when I didn't make it to
finals last tournament. I tried, but I didn’t make it, and that’s okay, but it was a time when I,
and I’m sure many people in this room, have experienced FOMO. It’s a natural feeling to
have, but, long story short, it sucks.
 Unfortunately, we cannot stop FOMO, it’s a harmful phenomenon, not a concrete
problem. However, we can change our perspectives. We can “fix FOMO” by changing our
focus. Rather than focusing on what we don’t have, we should shift our focus to what we do
have. By expressing our gratitude for the little things, we can stop fearing that we’re missing
out. We can even take joy in it. We have got to stop worrying about what other people are
doing and about what may or may not happen in the future. In order to stop FOMO, we
need to focus on the right things. That being said, it is easier said than done. But when it
comes to fighting FOMO, it is absolutely unavoidable.

Although not using your phone until 4 pm doesn’t work for everyone, it certainly did
for me… I ended up passing my exams with flying colors, and I did this by looking at the
bigger picture. I didn’t care about what my friends were doing, or even about Barbenheimer!
My only focus was passing those tests. Even when I passed, I still applied this logic. It took
a lot of discipline, and of course, I still felt FOMO, but I had something to work towards. I
had a goal.

Today, we learned what FOMO is, why it’s such a huge problem, and some
solutions. We also learned that FOMO is very widespread, I mean, how many of us are
getting FOMO right now? I could be at a party, or spending time with my family, but I’m at a
debate tournament. Nonetheless, we need to stop being engrossed with other people’s lives
and what we’re missing out on, and instead focus on our goals. I know we might not all
have tests in the middle of July, but we all have things to work towards, and we all have a
purpose. Of course, it’s completely okay if you don’t have one, or if you’re still figuring your
life out, but remember not to live in fear and limit yourself because of FOMO.

To summarize, the fear of missing out is a concept, not a diagnosable condition, that
is the feeling that you’re missing out on important events and experiences. It’s the feeling
that the people around you are living a better life than you are. And it’s a feeling that can be
combated if we simply change our viewpoint and focus on what’s important. Us. Our lives.
Our dumb reality shows, our childish prank calls, our nerve-wracking all-nighters. Everything
from rereading Percy Jackson to making a cup of coffee needs to be cherished. Because
after all, this is the only life we get, and we can’t just let FOMO hinder us from living our
lives to the fullest.