Terry, I know I haven't worked here long. . . . . .

but I was wondering, would it be

possible. . . . . .if I got a $ 100 advance on my salary? An advance? So that I can
spend Thanksgiving with my family. Every year we ski in Vail, and my father pays
for my ticket. . . . . .but I've started this whole independent
thing. . . . . .which is actually why I took this ''job. '' Rachel, Rachel,
sweetheart! You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful. I hear what
you're saying. I'm with you. But I'm trying really hard, and I think I'm doing
better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? The One Where Underdog Gets Away
English Subtitles by MORPHZ fuckyeah. Excuse me, sir? You come in here all the
time. I was wondering. . . .

. .is there a possibility that you could advance me my tips?That's fine. Sorry
about that spill before! Only 98.50 to go! Did you know Mom and Dad are going to
Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving? What? No, they're not. The Blymans invited them.
You're wrong. I am not wrong. You're wrong. No, I just talked to them. I'm calling
Mom. And this from the Cry for Help Department: Are you wearing makeup? Yes, I am.
As of today, I'm officially ''Joey Tribbiani: actor/model. '' I was thinking you
look more like ''Joey Tribbiani. . . . . .man/woman. '' What were you modeling? You
know those posters for the City Free Clinic? So you're gonna be one of those
healthy, healthy, healthy guys? The asthma guy's really cute. Know which one you're
gonna be? But I hear Lyme disease is open, so. . . . Good luck, man.

I hope you get it.Thanks. You were right. How can they do this to us? It's
Thanksgiving! How about if I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps? They're not actually supposed
to-- I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right? Chandler, you're still
boycotting all the pilgrim holidays? Yes. Every single one of them. -Phoebe, you'll
be with your grandma? -And her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in
December because he's lunar. So you're free Thursday, then? Yeah. Oh, can I come?
Rach, you still going to Vail? Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop! Only $ 1 02 to go.
I thought it was 98.50? Well, it was, but I broke a cup. Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Ooh, ooh, why don't we invite her? Ooh, ooh, because she's my ex-wife.

. .and will probably want to bring her ooh, ooh, lesbian life-partner. Is Carol
here? No, she's at a faculty meeting. I just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not
mine, but. . . . Come in. Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back
to the museum. What's it look like? Kind of like a big face without skin. I'm
familiar with the concept. You can just look for it. You guys sure have a lot of
books about being a lesbian. You know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they
don't let you do it. Yertle the Turtle! A classic. Actually, I'm reading it to the
baby. The baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean
you're. . . . . .crazy? What? You don't think they can hear sounds in there? You're
not serious? I mean.

. .you really talk to it? Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice. Do
you talk about me? All the time. Really? We just refer to you as ''Bobo, the sperm
guy. '' If she's talking to it, I just think I should get some belly-time too. Not
that I believe any of this. I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear
everything. I'll show you. This will seem a little weird. But you put your head
inside this turkey. . . . . .and we'll all talk and you'll hear everything we say.
I'd just like to say I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much
like to butter your head. -Did you make your money? -Not even close. Forget Vail.
Forget seeing my family. Forget shoop, shoop, shoop. Here's your mail. Thanks.

You can just put it on the table.Here's your mail! Thanks. You can just put it on
the table! Would you just open it! Oh, my God! You guys are great! We all chipped
in. We did? You owe me $20. Thank you. Thank you so much! Chandler, here you go.
Your traditional holiday feast. Tomato soup. . . . . .grilled-cheese fixings and
your family-size bag of Funyuns. This is your Thanksgiving dinner? What is it with
you and this holiday? I'm 9 years old. I hate this story! We've just finished
Thanksgiving dinner. I have-- I remember this part vividly-- --a mouthful of
pumpkin pie. And this is the moment my parents tell me they're getting divorced.
Oh, my God! Very difficult to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in
reverse. We used to work together. We did? At Macy's.

You're the Obsession girl, right?I was the Aramis guy. Aramis? Aramis? Yeah,
right! You're the best in the business. -Get out! -I'm serious! You're amazing! You
know when to spritz. You know when to lay back. Really? You don't know what that
means to me. You smell great tonight. What are you wearing? Nothing. Listen, do you
wanna go get a drink? Yeah, that would be-- -What's wrong? -I remembered I have to
do something. What? Leave. Wait, wait, wait! I guess you all saw it. Saw what?
We're just laughing. You know how laughter can be infectious. Set another place for
Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD. ''Tonight, on a very special
Blossom. '' Looking good! Okay! Cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are
yamming. . . . What? I don't know.

It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.That's it. Get out of my way and
stop annoying me! Well, that's closer. I got the tickets! Five hours from now,
shoop, shoop, shoop! Oh, you must stop shooping. I'm gonna get my stuff. Will you
just come in, already? I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
Look out! Incoming pumpkin pie! We all laughed when you did it with the stuffing,
but that's not funny. Monica, I got a question. I don't see any Tater Tots. That's
not a question. But my mom always makes them. It's a tradition. A piece of turkey
on your fork, a little cranberry sauce and a Tot! I mean it's. . . . . .bad enough
I can't be with my family, because of my disease. All right. Fine. Tonight's
potatoes will be both mashed with lumps. . . .

. .and in the form of Tots.I'm off to talk to my unborn child. Mom never hit.
Okay, all done. Phoebe, did you whip the pota--? Ross needs lumps! Oh, I'm sorry! I
just-- I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions. Why
would we do that? Then they'd be like my mom used to make it. . . . . .before she
died. Three kinds of potatoes coming up. Goodbye, you guys! Thanks for everything!
Oh, God, look at-- Sorry! I'm so sorry. The most unbelievable thing has happened!
Underdog has gotten away! The balloon? No, the actual cartoon character. Of course
the balloon! It's all over the news. He broke free and was spotted over Washington
Square Park. I'm going to the roof. Who's with me? I can't. I gotta go! An 80-foot
dog loose over the city? How often does that happen? Almost never.

Got the keys? Anytime you're ready! Okay, here we go. Where am I talking to here?
There is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but. . . .
Just aim for the bump. Okay, here goes. You know, I can't do this. It's too weird.
I feel stupid. It's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Hello, baby! --the moment we first saw the giant dog shadow fall over the park! But
did they have to shoot him down? That was just mean. Right about now the turkey
should be crispy on the outside. . . . . .and juicy on the inside. Why are we
standing here? We're waiting for you to open the door. You've got the keys. No, I
don't. Yes, you do. When we left, you said, ''Got the keys. '' No, I didn't. I
asked. . . .

. . ''Got the keys?''You said, ''Got the keys! '' Either of you have the keys? The
oven is on! I've gotta get my ticket! Wait! We have a copy of your key. Then get
it! That tone won't make me go any faster. That one will. And everyone's telling
me, ''You gotta pick a major! '' So on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have
no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy
you don't have gills anymore. You don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it.
Please. I am not singing to your stomach. How's it going? Here we come Walking down
the street Get the funniest looks from Everyone we meet Hey, hey-- -Did you feel
that? -I did. -Does it always--? -That was the first! Keep singing! Keep singing!
Hey, hey, you're my baby And I can 't wait to meet you When you come out I'll buy
you a bagel And then we'll go to the zoo I felt it that time! Hey, hey, I'm your
daddy I'm the one without any breasts Not that one.

Can you go any faster? I got one keyhole and a zillion keys! You do the math. Why
do you guys have so many keys in there anyway? For an emergency just like this. All
right. Listen, smirky! If it wasn't for your stupid balloon. . . . . .I'd be on a
plane watching a woman do this right now. But I'm not! I swear you said you had the
keys! I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys! I obviously did not have
the keys! That's it! Enough with the keys. No one say ''keys'' ! Why would I have
the keys! Besides the fact that you said you did? -But I didn't! -Well, you should
have. -Why? -Because! Because everything's my responsibility? Isn't it enough that
I'm making Thanksgiving dinner? Everyone wants a different potato, so I'm making
different potatoes.

Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Just as long as Phoebe gets her
peas and onions. . . . . .and Mario gets his Tots. It's my first Thanksgiving, and
I-- It's all burnt, and I can't. . . . Monica, only dogs can hear you now. Look,
the door's open! Here we go. The turkey's burnt! Potatoes are ruined! Potatoes are
ruined! Potatoes are ruined! Here we come Walking down the-- This doesn't smell
like Mom's. It doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps. Well, here you go, buddy.
You got one! God, this is great! The plane is gone, so I guess I'm stuck here with
you guys. We all had better plans, okay? This was nobody's first choice! Oh,
really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious dinner? You call that
delicious? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Now, this feels like Thanksgiving.

What? Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh, my God! He's not
alone. Ugly Naked Guy. . . . . .is having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
I gotta see this! All right, Ugly Naked Guy! Ugly naked dancing! It's nice that he
has someone. Shall I carve? By all means. Who wants light cheese, and who wants
dark cheese? I don't even want to know about the dark cheese. -Does anybody want to
split this? -I will. You guys have to make a wish. Make a wish? Come on, you know,
Thanksgiving. You got the bigger half! What did you wish for? The bigger half. All
right, I'd like to propose a toast. A little toast here. Ding, ding! This isn't
exactly the kind of Thanksgiving you planned. . . .

. .but for me this has been really great.I think because it didn't involve
divorce. . . . . .or projectile vomiting. If you had gone to Vail. . . . . .or if
you had been with your family, or if you didn't have. . . . . .syphilis and
stuff. . . . . .we wouldn't be all together. So I guess what I'm trying to say
is. . . . . .I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked. -That's so
sweet! -Thank you. Here's to a lousy Christmas! And a crappy New Year!