If Only

By: Karen Joy Deocampo

She was not what he expected. For three years the memories of her kept taunting him. He kept on wishing that one day he will see her. F0r years, he was into misery. How he missed her. How he missed those big rounded eyes that shone and sparkled only for him. He remembered how that lovely hair swayed when she walked. She was the girl every man wanted to own. And now he did not expect that the girl he was dying to see is standing in front of her. He couldnt believe that he would see her. He tried not to blink for he is afraid that the moment he would close his eyes she would be gone. Is this really true? She is really here in flesh. He looked at her face. He was looking for something but he couldnt find it. What was he looking for? Anger? Pain? Bitterness? but those were absent. She looked so well. She seems to forget how she hated him before. She looked as if she was over him and had recovered. Hi, Ace. It is nice to see you here. His mind stop wandering when he heard her voice. Ah..Uhm.Hi.,Kaye.. How are you .He stuttered as if he lost his tongue. Do I look not fine?. She said. He felt sarcasm in her voice. You look so different. Is that really you? How stupid of him to ask such question. Why? she looks so different, really different. Hahaha .and who do you think I am. Kaye laughed. Oh! those laugh .He missed those laughter. What brings you here? I never thought you will come back to this place, Ace asked. Ahm. I visited one of my friends and I happened to passed by this place .I did not expect that you will also be here. She replied He also did not expect that of all places they will see each other here. He remembered those times. This place is theirs; this is their own, the place that witnessed how they love each other. This is the place where they build their dreams together. The last time they talked with

each other happened in this place, the place that once was a haven full of laughter and tears. Yes, he can still recall the time when she cried and its because of him. Ahm, if you want you can have this place yourself. If you wanted to be alone I will leave He said but at the back of his mind he wanted to talk to her .He wanted to sit beside her. He missed talking to her. Ahm no, You were the first one who came, I will be the one to leave. She was about to turn her back and leave when suddenly he hold her hand.

Kaye, Im sorry Ace looked at her with an apologetic look. There was a moment of silence. Sorry for what? Kaye replied. You know what I mean. Im sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I know I hurt you. But God knows I didnt mean to do those things to you. Ace looked at her straight to her eyes. Oh, that? .I already forgot those things. Let us forget what had happened before. Let us just pretend that those things never happened. Kaye said without looking at him. Forgive me. I did not love her. It was just that I was so stupid that time. What a fool I had been all this time. Ive been such a damn fool. Can you forgive me? He said with a repentant look. I already forgive you and I dont hate you anymore. I am happy of where I am now. We had made mistakes before and we have learned a lot from those mistakes. Let us leave the past and go on with our lives. Move on, I will be happy if I will see you happy. She came closely to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. Before she knew he spread his hands over Kayes back and pulled her to his embrace.

 I miss you Kaye Cant we just stay like this for a while?. He wanted to feel her. He could feel her warmth. He could hear their heartbeats beating together. For a moment the time stood still. He is wishing that this wont last. Ace. She broke the silence .Ive got to go now. Please let me go. She tried to remove his hands from her.

With these words piercing his heart, Ace watched Kaye walked out, taking a part of himself with her. He wanted to tell her so much more, but he held himself back. Kaayeeeeeee. He shouted .He ran to follow her but he couldnt see her anymore. He ran in no direction until he bumped into something. Taking hold of his head, his lashes fluttered open. He was in his room. How could that be? Where is Kaye? He could have sworn he was with her a while ago. She was here.

But it was not so. He was alone, very much alone. It was just a dream .Lying awake unable to sleep, he went back to reflecting on the past. He closed his eyes and he saw Kaye smiling. He suddenly get up from his bed. He had to see her. Today is her anniversary .Her death anniversary! Its been three years when she met an accident caused by a reckless driver. She died without saying goodbye to her. She died without him asking forgiveness from her.

While his mind is drifting away, he was caught by the music from the radio. And it's hard to let you go, Though I know that I must try, I feel like I've been cheated, 'Cause we never said goodbye...