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 KD
NEDL TRANSFER
56963
HN LYNJ V

BY TELEPHONE

JOSE RIZAL
KD 56963

William Cameron Forbes

Hon . W. Cameron Corber

with the co
compliments

Anilin Craig
.

A Cameron Frobes
Noli Me Tangere Quarter-Centennial Series
Edited by Austin Craig.

BY TELEPHONE

A SATIRE

BY

DIMAS ALANG

(JOSÉ RIZAL )

MANILA: 1912 .
Ko5696
3

HARVARD
UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY
MAY 18 1957

0507136
Copyright 1912

BY AUSTIN CRAIG

Registered in the Philippine Islands.

 ‫אמ‬
3

INTRODUCTION .

"By Telephone" , or "Por Telefono" to

use its Spanish title, was published , with-
out imprint but probably in Barcelona, in
1889 in pamphlet form under Doctor Ri-
zal's nom de plume Dimas Alang. This
was his symbolic name in Masonry and is
the Tagalog form for Noli Me Tangere.
The translation here given is by Mr.
Charles Derbyshire, who has put into
English so many of Rizal's writings, and
was first published in the Philippine
Observer.

The changed conditions make this little-

known satire of but historic interest and
the present limited edition is intended to
circulate only among Rizalists , but per-
haps even for these the caution may be
4. INTRODUCTION

needed that Rizal was no enemy of reli-

gion. His opposition was to the interven-
tion of its ministers in politics and their
using their holy office for business. His
religious views as set forth so fully in his
correspondence from Dapitan with the
Jesuit Superior, Father Pastells , put him
in line with the numerous following in
America of Archbishop Ireland , just as in
England he was an admirer of Cardinals
Manning and Newman.
The name of the chief character in "By
Telephone" is a demeaning distortion of
Salvador Font, a change equivalent in
English to making Samuel Pool into
Sammie Fool . The Very Reverend Fray
Salvador Font, Order of St. Augustine, in
September of 1887 was priest of the Tondo
parish in Manila. To him was entrusted
by the Archbishop of Manila the prepar-
ation of the formal criticism, for the
Board of Censors, of Noli Me Tangere.
The Cloister of the University of Sto.
 INTRODUCTION 5

Tomas had already declared the book

"heretical, impious and scandalous from
the religious point of view" and politi-
cally "anti-patriotic, disturbing for public
order, and injurious to the Government
of Spain and its rule in the Islands" .
The zealous, but not over-learned , Fray
Salvador finished his appreciation of
Rizal's novel on December 29th, 1887 .
Opening with vituperation of Rizal, the
stock argument in Spanish days for estab-
lishing the superiority of their adminis-
tration, the critic calls the author an
ignoramus, etc. , and then cites from the
work passages which he deems objec-
tionable, classified under the headings :
1. Attacks on the State Religion ; 2.
Attacks upon the administration of the
Government, upon the Spanish Govern-
ment employees, and upon the courts; 3.
Attacks upon the personnel of the Guardia
Civil; 4. Attacks upon the integrity of
Spain.
6 INTRODUCTION

The friar was so proud of his produc-

tion, which, except for the introduction
and conclusion seems to have consisted
in underlining the passages with different
colored pencils so a clerk could copy them
under the proper heads, that he secretly
published the report. This was against
the advice of others and even in disobed-
ience of his instructions , for it was desir-
ed to keep the knowledge of the novel
from the Filipinos. Instead the strongest
passages were alone presented to them,
apart from the frequently modifying
context. The prevalent misunderstand-
ing of Rizal's teachings by so many of his
countrymen is due to their knowing only
the criticism and not the book, a condi-
tion which makes the recent publication
of his novels in popular-priced Tagalog
translations a matter of general interest.
In the Fall of 1891, Fray Salvador pub-
lished in Madrid, anonymously: "Fili-
pinas: Problema fundamental, por un Es-
 INTRODUCTION 7

pañol de larga residencia ". In it the

worthy writer extends to the entire Fili-
pino people the unfavorable opinion he
had before expressed of Rizal. In view
of the censorship preventing Filipino
reply, it is fortunate that most of the
Spanish controversial literature betrays
its animus so unmistakably that one is
seldom deceived by any of its many mis-
statements.

"By Telephone" was not meant serious-

ly by Rizal, probably, but belongs to those
satirical sketches with which he at times
amused himself by letting his lively ima-
gination have play, as when at Dapitan
he wrote the fragment directed at Padre
Obach which has been referred to by
some persons devoid of humor as "the
beginning of an uncompleted novel".
 BY TELEPHONE

In the year 1900 the Philippines were

for the first time connected with the sov-
ereign country by means of a telephone
system installed by an English-Catalonian
Company, called "Trans-Oceanic Tele-
phone Company," very famous in its time
for its really startling ideas.
Thanks to the perfection of the instru-
ments there could be heard in Madrid the
mystical sighs of the friars , praying be-
fore the sacred images, their prayers
replete with piety, their humble utter-
ances, their words of conformity and re-
signation, and even the expressions of
thankfulness with which they accepted
the offerings of fish and rice that the
people gave them out of compassion for
their fasts and abstinences. Such was
10 BY TELEPHONE

the perfection of the telephone that there

was even heard the silence that reigned in
the refectories, and from the noise of
mastication it was definitely known that
the most gluttonous of the friars was not
eating over five mouthfuls a day.

"How poor and how virtuous these

priests are ! " exclaimed the affected dem-
ocrats in Madrid.

"How poor and how virtuous these

priests are! " repeated the telephone in
the Philippines and published it every-
where, in the convents, churches, etc.

On hearing this the friars reduced the

number of mouthfuls from fear that there
might be a native who was hungry. They
taught the boys to read and write and
forcibly instructed them in the Spanish
language, not infrequently suffering in-
sults and blows from the parents of the
boys for daring to open their eyes.
 BY TELEPHONE 11

"Blessed be the Lord! " responded

the friars, and turned the other cheek.
"Everything for God and our mother
Spain! "

So they went on teaching just as soon

as the despotic native had withdrawn, if
the government did not at the instigation
of the parents indict them for teaching ,
a fault that constitutes a great crime by
endangering the integrity of the father-
land.

One day the procurator of the Augus-

tinians telephoned from Madrid to Manila:
"The Colonial Minister, solicitous for the
natives, offers our corporation an hacien-
da so that the padres shall not die of star-
vation, and that they may live in some
comfort. How shall I answer him? ”

"Jesús! Jesús! Santo fuerte! Santo inmor-

tal! The Lord deliver us from all temp-
12 BY TELEPHONE

tation! " exclaimed all the friars. On hear-

ing this news, they fell upon their knees
and covered their ears.

"Lord! Lord!" groaned the provincial ,

really beating himself on the breast and
not merely as one who would deceive the
worshippers in order to get money. "I have
ruined the soul of Salvadorcito by sending
him as procurator to Madrid! He who
was so good, so humble, so simple, so in-
genuous, so unassuming, so chaste, so
frank, when he was here ! Now he is
ruined! To make these propositions—
such sinful ones! Alas, alas ! Domine,
quare dereliquiste eum? Lord, why hast
thou forsaken him? "

Thus he groaned and all the friars beat

themselves on the breast and scourged
one another to do penance and to bring
Salvadorcito Tont's soul into the right
path.
 BY TELEPHONE 13

All this consternation in the convent of

St. Augustine was heard (by telephone)
in Madrid. With his simple mien as a
good young man , Salvadorcito Tont ex-
claimed :

"Perhaps they've imprisoned all my

brethren for not reading the booklets
that the natives published against them,
insulting them with ecclesiastical appro-
val ! After all, it's well done ! Who
commands them to answer and reply?"

"If we imitators and ministers of Christ

are insulted in their booklets, especially
if these carry indulgences, we must read
them , and we should be prohibited from
replying or defending ourselves. For this
we have taken a vow of pride. "

"I'm going directly to the Minister to

ask him that he order flogged any priest
of my religion who through pride doesn't
say amen, and who respects the truth .
14 BY TELEPHONE

Thus it will appear that even if I am a

simpleton, I'm not lacking in love of
Justice !"

So he gets out his shoes full of holes,

for those he has on have no soles. The
good Augustinian has to walk to the
Ministry as he does not even have car-
fare. Yet he has taken a vow of wealth !

"Salvadorcito, Salvadorcito !" the tele-

phone calls to him.

Salvadorcito recognizes the provincial's

voice and begins to tremble. Salvador-
cito was very obedient.

"At your orders, Father ! " he replies,

and falls upon his knees beside the tele-
phone so that he may thus be more res-
pectful, even though his vow of pride
prohibits it.

"How is it that you have allowed your-

self to be tempted by the enemy of evil
 BY TELEPHONE 15

into accepting for an instant the proposi-

tion to give us an hacienda? ”

"How is it, my son ? Haven't you seen

in this a trap that is being set for us by
the enemy, inspired by the accursed Rizal ,
so that we may thus become rich and be
proud, powerful and licentious, because
the miserable Calamban desires nothing
more than that we fulfill our vows of
wealth , pride and licentiousness , which
the sacrilegious founders have imposed
upon us ? Never again listen to such of-
fers, never ! We here not only work and
construct our churches with our own
hands, we not only plant crops and aid
the poor, but what little they give us we
in turn hand over to the rich and the
proud so that they may tyrannize over us
more, so that their avarice may be aug-
mented and we may be more exploited
and ruined, so that they may throw us
99
into prison and deport us. '
16 BY TELEPHONE

"Thus we spread the law of Christ every-

where, we preach it in the islands to
which they deport us, more imitators come.
Thus there isn't a single Igorot, there
isn't a single infidel in the mountains :
they've all been baptized and they all ex-
ploit us, even though Christians. In or-
der that our doctrines may triumph , you
must propose to the Minister : that he
imitate the Roman praetors, that he send
us cruel governors, bloody ones, who will
trample upon the laws and persecute us.
Thus the sleepers will be awakened , the
lukewarm strengthened , the interest of the
many, many indifferent ones be aroused.
Remember that in order to make a cause
triumph you must persecute it. Then let
them persecute us!"

"Meanwhile, I impose as a penance

upon you, who are neither a trickster nor
an actor, that you have your picture taken
 BY TELEPHONE 17

in different positions, but always in the

attitude of meditating , of writing a ser-
mon, with a pen in your hand, and beside
a lamp, with spectacles even though you
don't need them : do you understand ?
Then exhibit the pictures in public so
that everybody may say, although it is
not believed : 'What a thinker he is !
What a great orator this Salvadorcito
Tont must be ! He's always writing ser-
mons. He does't even have time to get
his picture taken !' This will cause you
suffering, because even though you have
taken vows of wealth, pride and luxury
you don't pay any attention to them.
Don't forget to have your picture taken
in a pensive attitude and as an actor !
Good-by!"

"Thy will be done !" groans Salvadorcito

with resignation, and his whole house is
filled with lamentation.
18 BY TELEPHONE

Salvadorcito was so humble that the idea

of showing himself off in public was tor-
ture to him, even though it was only in a
photograph. It was for this reason that
when he had to preach he assumed a
hollow and cavernous tone in order to
frighten his hearers and see if they would
leave him alone.

"Salvadorcito, Salvadorcito !" again

cries the telephone.

"At your orders, Father !" replies the

good procurator, and this time he falls
upon his hands and knees in order to lis-
ten more reverently to his provincial.

"Beg the Minister not to make a bishop

of Padre Rodriguez. Tell him that he is
very busy looking up and forming words
derived from Calamba : Calambano, Ca-
lambaino, Calasino, Calainos . If you
should see the pains it costs him ! It's a
sight the way he sweats. He hasn't time
 BY TELEPHONE 19

to be a bishop, although he would make a

very good one, for he has been condemn-
ed by Our Father St. Augustine to be
stupid for his whole life . For God's sake,
don't let them make him a bishop !"

"It isn't the Minister who wants to make

him a bishop; it's the Dominicans , who
wish thus to escape the office, through
their spirit of pride !" answers Salva-
dorcito.

"Then tell the Minister that for bishops

there's none like the Dominicans. I know
one here who is so friendly to the natives
and hostile to our holy faith that he
doesn't allow the Chinamen to take part
in the ceremonies, and yet it is known
that as soon as they leave the country
they forsake Christianity. They become
Christians from interest. The worse the
Christians are, the better they are. The
Dominicans know this, and so when the
20 BY TELEPHONE

Chinamen offer them money, they don't

accept it : no sir ! They labor that the
natives do not quarrel with the mestizos
or the latter with the Chinamen, in op-
position to the express commandment
given by Jesus Christ to divide and conquer.
For this disobedience they must be made
bishops, they must have miters thrust
upon their heads as a sign of pride, like
the Assyrian and Persian priests who
wear them. These people follow Mach-
iavelli, the accursed Machiavelli , who
said that peace and concord should be

preached. "
"Speaking of concord, do you know,
Salvadorcito, that Padre Baldomero and
another person went to visit the school of
that name, which is a school for young
women, as you must remember. Natural-
ly, they didn't visit the dormitories while
the girls were changing their clothes and
 BY TELEPHONE 21

dressing nor talk with the pretty ones,

and the few words they exchanged were
not in the dark nor behind the door nor
away from the rest. Ah, what tortures
they suffered they so chaste, so vir-
tuous, so pure-minded ! And the Matrons,
so cross, so unaccommodating, so intol-
erant ! The whole time they were there
they talked only of God, remaining tear-
ful and compunctuous !"

"Alas, alas !"

"What's the matter with you , Salvador-

cito ?"

"Relieve me as procurator, because

here I'm suffering just what Baldomero
and the other person suffered in the girls'
school . What a lot of pretty girls and
beautiful women ! Ugh! I want to go
back to Manila ! Madrid is no good !"

"Here the natives will arrest you and

22 BY TELEPHONE

deport you without trial. By writing a

confidential report "

"Never mind !''

"You'll die of hunger and won't ride in

a carriage !"
"I walk here,"

"Remember that you'll have to salute

the natives or they'll have you indicted
and deport you."

"Never mind ! I prefer all that rather

than to live among women who are-
pretty. "
"Remember that if you don't please the
governadorcillo in everything you'll be
accused of being anti-Spanish. "

"I'll protest, I'll say that I love Spain" .

"They won't believe you , for the na-

tives are very rich and they publish book-
lets with superior permission against the
friars. "
 BY TELEPHONE 23

"Then what must I do? What must

I do ?"

"Stay there as procurator ! "

"Alas !"

"Make presents of Chinese and Japanese

wares to the ministers, delegates and se-
nators so that we may have our way. "
"Yes, that's it, as the Chinese do ! And
what else ?"

"Hope that they make you a bishop."

"Alas, alas !"'
"And then cardinal. "
"Alas, alas, alas !"
"But for the present you must work to
get the government to give medals, ha-
ciendas, offices to our enemies. "
"What if they start an insurrection and
say that we are doing it because we
are filibusters ?"
Silence .
24 BY TELEPHONE

"What about filibusterism ?"

Silence.

"Father Provincial ! What about fili-

busterism ?"

"Filibusterism ?" at length replies a

voice. "Tell the Minister that there isn't
any, but that if he wants it to exist he
must believe that it does exist and it will.
Tell him that we have already endured a
great deal, that we suffer now and will
still suffer; but as nothing in this life is
everlasting, our patience will some day
come to an end, the day when we are con-
vinced that the government is with our
enemies. "
 HAR UNIV
VAR ERSI
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