THE HIDDEN POWER OF SHADOW

WORK

3 PRACTICAL EXERCISES TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE, HEAL

YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, AND ACHIEVE PERSONAL
FREEDOM FROM YOUR UNCONSCIOUS HABITS

MARCUS BLACK

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 CONTENTS

Introduction

I. Your Shadow at a Glance

1. The World of Shadow Work
The Core Ideas of Shadow Work
2. Down the Shadow Work Lane
Brief History of Shadow Work
The Five Tenets of Shadow Work
II. Getting to Know Your Shadow
3. The Shadow Personality
The Shadow Traits
4. Meeting Your Shadow Self
Why You Shouldn't Suppress Your Shadow Self
5. The Jungian Method
Becoming Your True Self: Jung’s Goal
III. The Shadow Exercises
6. Exercise 1: Shadow Work Meditation
What Meditation is Really About and How to Meditate
7. Exercise 2: Shadow Work Journaling
8. Exercise 3: Shadow Work Inner Conversation
Becoming Aware of the Quality of Your Self-Talk
9. Bonus: Shadow Work Prompts

References

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 INTRODUCTION

“If we don’t work with our shadow, all that is left is fake love
and light, which just brushes the surface and has no deep
resonance at all.”
— UNKNOWN

Do you wholeheartedly accept yourself for who you were and for who you
have become, or are there certain parts of yourself that you still don’t work
well with, don’t like, or even feel guilty or ashamed for?

How do you react when you see your image reflected in the mirror? Are
you proud of the person you see there? Perhaps you instantly start
pinpointing all the things you feel are imperfections such as your puffy eyes
in the morning, how tired you feel even after sleeping all night long, how
you didn’t respond to that message yesterday, how insecure you feel when
people ignore or ghost you, how unhappy you are at work, how old you
look, your weight, and so on.

The quality of your self-talk says a lot about how your relationship with
yourself is.
Have you been giving yourself the same love and attention you give to
others? Have you been neglecting yourself by pretending things are okay
while your inner world is chaotic, messy, and blurry?

We may not always realize it, but if we constantly blame and shame
ourselves for things we think we shouldn’t have done or said, we end up
damaging our self-concept, our sense of self-worth and self-love.

If every time you get frustrated or fail at something, you automatically beat
yourself up, you train your mind to not trust your own decisions and
choices in life.

I know it may be hard to give yourself love when you don’t feel you are
deserving. However, in this situation, a great goal to have for yourself is to
shift into a growth mindset and learn to see your mistakes and failures as
acquired experience.

Self-love and self-worth are learned behaviors, so the more you practice,
the stronger they get.

Pretending things are okay and neglecting yourself only causes you to
attract toxic relationships and feel even unhappier. Sometimes, though, we
aren’t consciously avoiding confrontation with our feelings.

For instance, have you ever tried to bring to memory details about a
situation or past events in your life just to realize that you can’t remember a
thing about it? In an attempt to protect us from emotional pain, our brain
automatically stores certain traumatic and painful events in our
subconscious mind, causing us to forget major and minor details about
those situations. However, even though these memories are hidden there in
the back of our minds, they can still influence every decision and every
action we take. Our subconscious mind wants to protect us from actively
remembering them, but deep negative emotional charges can impact us so
deeply that they can keep affecting us in significant ways.

Depending on the kind of traumas we experience, we may isolate ourselves

or constantly avoid certain situations so that we guarantee that we won’t
suffer again.

Don’t get me wrong, though, there are certain situations in life we do need
to avoid, either because they are reckless or because they don’t bring us any
value whatsoever, but most of the time, we end up running away from
opportunities that could potentially bring us growth and new experiences.

If you have already caught yourself missing out on great opportunities

because you were deeply afraid of being hurt or suffering again, chances are
that you need to give yourself a bit more attention and focus on healing
those hidden emotional wounds that are still affecting you negatively.

A crucial step for healing and reaching inner peace is going through a
process known as “shadow work”, and once you start this process, it is
possible that you will gradually figure out all about the parts of yourself that
you have been avoiding or would rather deny completely. Those parts, in
particular, can lead a person to positive mental growth and can motivate
someone to create actionable steps towards a more fulfilling future.

We all have a “shadow self”. The term, “shadow self” was coined by
psychologist Carl Jung (1921) and used to describe both our deepest
emotional wounds and those parts of ourselves that we deny, feel ashamed
and embarrassed of, or repress.

Unfortunately, these emotional wounds have such a negative impact on our

psychological being that we end up believing we're not enough, not capable
of doing what we truly wish, and can also make us believe we are somehow
flawed, unlovable, and undeserving of a great life.
In general, even if deep emotional wounds happened during our childhood,
they can still develop and change later on in life.

For instance, let's say you had a pretty tough and precarious childhood and
lived in an environment that lacked everything from love and safety to food
and material comfort. These challenging times can greatly affect and
traumatize a child, who later on in life may develop high levels of anxiety,
fear, doubts, an avoidant personality, difficulty to have and maintain healthy
relationships, and lack of self-confidence and self-love.

For a child who deals with a parental figure who doesn’t know how to
regulate their emotions and does not seek effective treatment or support,
they can grow up without knowing what a safe space is and might not have
good examples of healthy relationships and behaviors to mirror.

Similar things could happen to a child who is bullied or experiences

constant rejection at school. These are all quite deep emotional wounds that
can negatively affect us in all areas of life.

Although a big number of our emotional wounds have their origin in our
upbringing and in the environment we grew up in, these wounds can also
come from cultural, societal, and religious beliefs. For instance, some
people are exposed to strict religious dogmas that limit and repress their
authentic self and so they end up developing a series of negative thinking
patterns that belittle their capacity and self-worth. Other times, strict and
old-fashioned cultural rules regarding gender roles can create a lot of our
emotional wounds since we refrain ourselves from expressing or presenting
our true nature, wishes, dreams, and opinions for fear that they might
conflict with gender-centric expectations.

When all or even just some of these wounds are left unattended, they
inevitably get deeply ingrained in our subconscious mind and lead us to
develop several defense mechanisms that will prevent us from living
authentically. These wounds, even being hidden and forgotten in the back of
our minds, are the ones impacting every decision and every behavior
throughout our journey in life.

That’s why I decided to create The Hidden Powers of Shadow Work and
guide you through a journey within so that you have the tools necessary and
the opportunity to heal all those emotional wounds that may be holding you
back in life and preventing you from living life from a place of wholeness
and expansion.

I will guide you through all the steps of the way toward a more authentic,
empowering, and happy version of yourself.

The Hidden Powers of Shadow Work was designed to help you to stop
interpreting life from a negative lens that allows trauma or other damaging
factors to dictate your existence, and instead, to embrace the unique and
creative being that you truly are.

All the tools, techniques, and exercises that you will find here will allow
you to reflect, reassess, and reshape your core beliefs so that you can stop
repeating negative patterns and behaviors and start creating a life you feel
proud of and happy with.

In doing shadow work, you will give yourself the chance to heal from
anger, bitterness, and fear while going deep within your soul to rediscover
who you truly are and what makes you feel alive and inspired in life.

Yes, deciding to heal yourself through shadow work will require you to
travel back in time so that you have the chance to acknowledge those parts
of you in need of healing, but you will also have the chance to see your
younger self through a different lens and give yourself the love and the
attention necessary to heal. Meeting your younger inner child is an
important step that will not only shift your perspective in life, but will also
shift your whole self-image.

Inner peace comes from acknowledging, embracing, and loving every part
of your journey up to now, including all those hidden parts of yourself.

I am inviting you here, then, to come with me and allow me to help you
shine some bright light in all those dark shadows you may have hidden
within you. Let’s uncover your core limiting beliefs and consciously change
your repetitive patterns to more empowering ones.

I’ve chosen to split The Hidden Powers of Shadow Work into three parts,
further subdivided into chapters so that you can experience an easier
reading. Part I will introduce you to the core concepts of shadow work. In
it, I also summarize its history. This is meant to give context to Part II,
where I will invite you to meet your shadow, and through it, yourself. Part
III is the most practical. Within it, I have condensed the three methods that I
have utilized to great success in my search for inner peace.

Get ready to dive into your own shadow world to bring your whole and
most authentic self back to the surface and ready to shine.
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 PART I

YOUR SHADOW AT A GLANCE

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 1

THE WORLD OF SHADOW WORK

“The disowned part of self is an energy - an emotion or desire

or need, that has been shamed every time it emerged. These
energy patterns are repressed but not destroyed. They are alive
in our unconscious.”
— JOHN BRADSHAW

When you embark in a self-healing journey, you inevitably uncover and

find out parts of you that you may not like or be proud of. The same will
happen during shadow work.

By beginning your healing process, you commit yourself to using more

compassionate and forgiving language and actions towards yourself. You let
go of perfectionism because you have already understood that this journey
is all about progress, one small step at a time.

Your most important commitment during this self-healing journey needs to

be the commitment with your soul and with the most real and raw version
of you–your most authentic and true self. No more hiding behind masks, no
more “fake it til you make it”, and no more blaming others and the world
for your unhappiness.
From today on, you will embrace the real you no matter what, and you will
start practicing loving all parts of you: The negatives and the positives, the
ugly and the beautiful, the sad and the happy.

That’s what shadow work is all about.

THE CORE IDEAS OF SHADOW WORK

The bright side of shadow work is the practice that expands our capacity for
self-love by teaching us how to reparent ourselves, nurture our own basic
needs, and embrace our own vulnerability. The intense, and quite often
painful, side is that which requires us to crack open to ourselves and face
our deepest and scariest fears and traumas.

One of the key lessons while uncovering our shadow self is that there isn’t
such a thing as bad emotions.

Shifting our mindset and understanding around emotions is crucial in our

self-healing journey, and one of the first things we need to understand is
that emotions aren’t “bad” or “good”, “positive” or “negative”, but rather,
they are like a compass informing us about what our deepest basic needs
are.

One of the biggest misunderstandings around triggers, for instance, is that

some people think they are just bad, and that they have to avoid anything
and every situation that triggers them. It is important to be mindful of
triggers and to explore them mindfully, without causing harm. That said,
triggers are an important part of our self-healing journey because they
reveal our deepest wounds. Whatever triggers you needs attention. Yes, you
read that right. Exploring triggers in a safe environment can allow a person
to dig deeper within and uncover underlying causes necessary to
understand. There lies both your wound and your cure.
Let’s say, for instance, that whenever you are contradicted, you snap and
lash out on people around you. The fact that you lose your cool indicates
that there’s something you need to heal there. Maybe you had to deal with a
narcissistic parent or caretaker in the past, and now your mind resists
accepting different opinions or decisions, so to ensure people will follow
your lead, you snap. That’s a toxic behavior that has been known to isolate
and discourage people. Repeating the same patterns over and over can lead
to further consequences.

Emotions such as anger, frustration, anxiety, disappointment, fear, and

resentment always point to the direction where your deepest wounds are, so
it’s up to you to pay attention to and better examine them.

As we become more aware of our triggers, we start to better understand our

patterns, and consequently, we will be better equipped to deal with those
uncomfortable situations.

Pay close attention to what usually annoys you. Maybe you are someone
who gets easily annoyed when people around you find it easy to ask for
things, for what they need, or for help. You consider them to be annoying
and can’t understand why they don’t solve their own problems themselves.
While doing inner work, you may find out that this annoyance you feel is a
projection of your unmet needs and how you were criticized for asking for
things while growing up. As a consequence, you developed this idea that
asking for help is wrong or that you don't deserve to receive assistance.

The best thing you can do to deal with specific emotions that yield mindsets
like this is to ask yourself the following questions:

What am I feeling right now?

Why do I think I am feeling this?
Do I recall the first situation ever that made me feel like this?
Then, take a moment to reflect on that. Allow yourself to take some deep
breaths in and out, and see what answers come to you.

Identify Your Shadow Self

Our shadow, by nature, is an integral part of our psyche, but that can be
either hidden in our subconscious mind, or an apparent trait that we often
reject. That’s why identifying it can be difficult and take a long time. So,
the best way to start uncovering our shadow is to turn inward and become
aware of ongoing patterns that you may have.

Are you the kind of person who tends to go through the same type
of negative experiences over and over in life? Which situations?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Do you always end up facing the same problems and repeating the
same patterns? What are the patterns that you repeat?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…
 Do you tend to always attract the same kinds of toxic people into
your life? Which toxic characteristics do they usually present?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

What kind of situations, people, and events trigger you?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

What are your biggest fears in life?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

What traits in your personality do you tend to hide, feel ashamed or

embarrassed of, or even reject completely?

✎…
✎…

✎…

✎…

Have you already missed out on great opportunities because of fear

or anxiety? What opportunities and what is the nature of your
fears/anxieties?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

What are traits you don’t have but wish to have?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Reflecting on your repetitive patterns can help you to uncover your shadow
self and also some pretty common limiting beliefs such as:

I need to hide my true feelings.

I will never find someone who truly loves me.
I am not good enough/ smart enough/ beautiful enough/ fit enough.
I can’t let anyone down or else I won’t be loved.
 I never do things right.
I must take care of everyone around me.

Look at Yourself With Compassion

What’s your first automatic reaction whenever you realize you made a
mistake or are exhibiting toxic behavior?

In general, we tend to blame ourselves and even belittle ourselves and our
capacity to be better and do better. We feel ashamed of making mistakes
and tend to hide faulty sides of our personality. How about you? Do you
also engage in this shaming and blaming vicious cycle?

While doing shadow work, it’s important to understand any repetitive

patterns, ones that you want to keep and ones that you don’t, so that you can
get a clear idea of exactly what points to focus on when healing.

As you start becoming aware of your shadow self and all those traits and
beliefs that are holding you back and preventing you from showing up as
your most authentic self, you can consciously decide to shift your behaviors
and, in doing so, change your life.

Facing those uncomfortable feelings and acknowledging your shadow

allows you to learn more about yourself, to rediscover your own potential,
and finally, to have the chance to heal on an increasingly deep level.
However, all this effort to heal yourself should come from a place of love,
compassion, understanding, and forgiveness rather than wanting to fix
yourself because you can’t accept who you are.

Starting your shadow work journey comes with being compassionate with
yourself and constantly reminding yourself not to feel guilty or shameful for
whatever shadow aspects you uncover along the way. You need to be ready
to embrace your shadow and show it a lot of love and compassion.
Otherwise, the inner work won’t be as effective and there’s less of a chance
that you will heal the way you need to.

To help you embrace your shadow and practice forgiveness, you can choose
among several different complementary personal growth tools and add them
into your shadow work routine.

Shadow Work Journaling

Journaling is a powerful tool when it comes to tracking emotions, releasing

stress, scripting your way to success in manifestation rituals, and of course,
it’s an effective alternative healing technique.

By allowing yourself to feel your emotions while emptying your mind of all
those thoughts rumbling around, you start seeing yourself and your reality
through different perspectives.

There’s something magical about writing down your thoughts onto paper,
and it’s an amazing way to connect yourself back to your creative self.

There are different approaches to journaling, and free-writing is only one

method that is used. There are tons of other methods as well such as brain
dump, morning pages, future-self journaling, pre-defined prompts, guided
journaling, dream journaling, goal-setting, and emotion or mood tracking.

The whole point of journaling during shadow work, though, is to process

emotions. Processing emotions means that you won’t allow them to take
over, but rather, you will use them as reference points to find out their root
cause. It’s possible to feel those emotions, accept and even embrace them
without letting them control your decision-making.

A journal dedicated specifically to shadow work is a kind of written therapy

that helps you to reflect on your behaviors, pay attention to your
weaknesses, identify your energy blocks, and identify other potential parts
of your shadow that may not present themselves easily.

The actual shadow work journaling process is a writing activity you engage
in to better understand all those hidden or ignored parts of your inner self,
and more often than not, those are traits of your personality or behaviors
that you consider bad traits. These are the qualities that people usually
prefer to hide.

In your shadow work journal, you would ideally write all your thoughts,
feelings and experiences while following a set of specific journal prompts.
These prompts are usually designed as a combination of specific shadow
work questions and general journaling prompts.

With time and practice, shadow work journaling can lead you through the
path of self-healing while you focus on clearing certain emotional blocks so
that they no longer affect your life as much.

You can create your shadow work journal as a tool for self-awareness as
well as to better the quality of your relationships as you will have a deeper
understanding of your own triggers and insecurities.

The whole journaling process involves identifying your core limiting

beliefs, emotional wounds that may be interfering with your overall
wellbeing and happiness, acknowledging all the emotions that may arise to
then release their heaviness. It’s a process of understanding who you are in
your core and identifying what makes you feel alive and what you might
just be tolerating.

Remember, though, that the goal of a shadow work journal is not to dwell
on the negative aspects of life, but to move through them.

Going through the process of shadow work is divided into four steps:
identifying, embracing, understanding and integrating your shadows.
Step 1: Identify your shadows.

This first step entails identifying the aspects that make up your shadow.
Remember that it will require you to dig deeper into all those parts of
yourself that you may not accept or even reject completely as being a part
of you. In general, you will need to face some uncomfortable feelings such
as shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, inadequacy, sadness, resentment,
and all kinds of fear you may experience.

Step 2: Embrace your shadows.

When these feelings are identified, it is important to acknowledge, accept,

and embrace them and allow yourself the necessary time and space to figure
out what they mean as well as how they affect your overall life and
behaviors.

In this step, you will also need to be intentional and pay close attention to
your self-talk. The way you speak to yourself says a lot about the kinds of
limiting beliefs you hold.

Any time you say something like, “I hate myself.” “Why am I always so
stupid?”, “I never make the right decisions in life”, “I am always so sad”, “I
hate my life”, “I always feel so powerless and insignificant” — you are
unconsciously giving power to numerous disempowering feelings that
prevent you from showing up in life as your best self.

These are all aspects and feelings you will need to explore deeply to find
their root cause. The real reason you feel this way needs to be embraced
rather than suppressed because embracing the root cause of these belittling
is the only way to figure out how to heal yourself from them.

Understanding what caused you to start feeling that way will allow you to
integrate these feelings into who you are, and then, you will have ways of
finally accepting yourself without feeling guilty or ashamed.
Step 3: Understand your shadows.

In this third step, you will observe yourself and try to understand why these
feelings are coming to the surface in your life right now. In order to do that,
you will be identifying what has been going on in your life and reflect on
these situations to be able to pinpoint why they trigger you. Situations such
as feeling overwhelmed due to lack of personal boundaries, family stress
caused by family members overstepping, and even lack of time
management skills to deal with work deadlines are just a few examples of
how things can start to weigh down on you.

Once you get a grip on what’s happening around you, understanding your
feelings is the next step. So, ask yourself:

What is this feeling trying to tell me?

What’s behind it?
What’s my real need here in this situation?

Step 4: Integrate your shadows into your whole being.

This fourth and final step is all about giving your shadows space in your
life, acknowledging them, and integrating them into your personality so that
you have a chance to actually heal yourself.

Once we truly work on accepting the whole of ourselves, including every

aspect of our personalities, then we will be able to eliminate shame and
guilt from being ourselves. This is a life-changing realization as it will set
us free to be true to who we are in our core.

By the way, did you know that even what we know as positive emotions
carry some negative effects?
In positive psychology, for instance, it’s stated that people who are blindly
optimistic or show traits of toxic positivism often hold certain unhealthy
beliefs that usually lead to unrealistic expectations. Such unrealistic
expectations result in failure and deep feelings of inadequacy which, by
itself, brings a myriad of negative feelings with it.

Understanding that feeling “negative emotions” isn’t necessarily a bad thing

is crucial not only to get over them, but also to motivate ourselves to
improve our lives while going through shadow work and uncovering your
shadow self.

Your shadow work journal, then, will become a safe space, an invitation to
curiously explore all aspects of yourself. Not only that, but you’ll have a
clear indicator of your progress.

Typically, through those journaling prompts, you pose a question or

hypothetical scenario, setting up the stage to uncover things that you
wouldn’t realize otherwise. These prompts or questions are intended to
make you reflect and even question your own behaviors, beliefs, and
repetitive patterns. As with all things related to psychology, it’s crucial to be
honest when journaling. I know how hard it can be. Many things that lead
to greatness are.

Prompts can range in size and complexity, and more often than not, we
generally come to certain realizations and breakthroughs while reflecting on
them. As an example, let’s explore all those previous four steps during
shadow work journaling while going through some possible issues. I invite
you to interact with the prompt, as this will be a summarized exercise, but
the general process remains the same so that you can apply it to your own
journaling process later on. Let’s take, as an example, someone who
accepted and embraced their wrong career choices after almost a year while
doing shadow work. Previous to their inner work, they would feel
extremely unmotivated and unhappy, but wouldn't accept being in the
wrong profession. So, for you to be able to apply this concept to your own
shadow work journaling, first, let’s begin with a simple prompt:

What are all the things in your life right now that you feel frustrated about,
unhappy with, or even hate?

Let’s say, for instance, that the person mentioned above gave this question
some thought and wrote down something like, “I hate my job and all the
tasks related to it.”

Identifying this inner struggle was the first step toward integration. Of
course, your answers may or may not come that fast. You would most likely
need to sit with this question in mind for some days before you even find
the answer to it within you. While answering prompts, you can take as
much time as you need. Journaling isn’t some timed test where you’ll
employ educated guessing, but rather, you will need to be patient with
yourself and show yourself some compassion.

Next, the second step is to acknowledge the feeling, statement, or situation.

It’s very likely that anyone practicing shadow work journaling sits silently
staring at the paper, first. To make this part easier, you can take it as a
conversation with yourself. Your conscious mind provided a question, thus,
it’s kind to respond when your shadow answers. It’s nice having a second
pen, with a different color, when journaling. Then, you can scribble a note
under your answers such as “I see your point” or “I hear you.”

So long as you’re actively giving your shadow some attention rather than
pushing it down, you’re doing something right. Some sources prefer to call
this step embracing your shadow. My choice to call it acknowledgment
stems from it being the polar opposite of repression.
After taking some time to recognize all those buried or hidden feelings, you
then come to step three: understanding how these feelings are affecting you.
This doesn’t only mean looking at the immediate conflicts, though. It
involves the past, present, and perhaps most notoriously, where it heads. In
short, it comes from answering the following question:

What’s the purpose of these specific feelings? (unhappiness, frustration,

anger, disappointment)--Let’s take lack of motivation and unhappiness as an
example here. These feelings are pointing out areas of your life you
urgently need to reframe or change somehow. These feelings are prompting
an action from you. Your task is to dig deeper to find out what action you
need to take.

Once you’ve understood that part of your shadow, you can work on the
fourth and last step. Acknowledge your shadow aspects, accept that these
parts exist in you while working to overcome certain limitations you may
have. Given that everyone has a shadow, anyone can practice integrating it
into themselves. Shadow work is best for people that have the following
two characteristics, though. First, you’ll need determination. Shadow work
can prove just as demanding as it is rewarding. The second quality you will
need to embrace is openness to the unconventional.

By nature, shadow work is a deeply introspective practice. As you continue

applying it, you’ll end up getting amazed by discovering parts of yourself
you didn’t even know were in you, and in turn, you’ll gradually become
more self-aware. Both of these factors will open new avenues for growth
that you hadn’t even imagined possible.

One of the great things about shadow work is its flexibility. You can use the
methods I’ll explain in part three or others of your choice. Some other ways
to implement shadow work include trigger exploration, talk therapy, inner
child healing, EFT tapping, and sound meditation, but new ways to practice
often come available. So long as you follow the core ideas, shadow work
can be whatever you are most comfortable with.

Each time you are faced with discomfort, you have an opportunity to
investigate your feelings more fully, to learn more about yourself, and heal
on an increasingly deep level.

Shadow work, most simply, requires you to recognize that your habits,
beliefs, and traumas, mostly from your past, are constantly interacting with
you on an unconscious level.

While it’s not always obvious where their roots are, these aspects of your
shadow can manifest in harmful ways. Interestingly, a lot of the traits your
shadow presents are all aspects you can easily pinpoint in others. Usually,
what triggers you is also a part of your being even if you aren’t aware of it
yet.

To gain a better understanding of this concept, let’s briefly look at the

conscious and subconscious. Our conscious mind consists of the thoughts,
feelings, and memories that we acknowledge.

The unconscious involves those traits and aspects of ourselves that we have
not acknowledged–we do, say, think, and act by impulse. Our unconscious
has many layers, the first of which is the shadow. We neither like nor know
our shadow, and have actively chosen not to acknowledge it.

It may originally sound like the unconscious, then, shouldn’t affect our
interactions. In truth, despite being in the background, these shadow
thoughts and feelings surface all around us. Further, these externalizations
are usually maladaptive.

Feelings like sadness and anger are natural, and a person should not deny
them or force themselves to pretend they’re okay when they aren’t. A much
healthier approach is to accept and embrace emotions, even those perceived
as negative, without dwelling on them in an effort to engage in activities
that can counterbalance the discomfort in an authentic way.

Two strategies you can use to deal with negative emotions in a healthier
way are based on cognitive behavioral therapy, also known as CBT, and are
taught by Dr. Ceri Sims, a researcher from Buckinghamshire New
University - they are the TEARS Method and the HOPE Method which are
acronyms explained below (Sims, 2017).

The best approach to them is to follow their guidelines while going through
shadow work to not feel overwhelmed by the negative emotions and
feelings that may arise while turning inward.

TEARS

The letter T in “Tears” stands for “teach and learn”, and it refers to the fact
that you should embrace self-awareness and focus on personal knowledge
of your body and mind while trying to understand how you as a whole
respond to stress and other emotional states.

By focusing on that, you will gradually start understanding when and why
you feel those emotions, and consequently, you will be able to better
interpret the signals your body sends you.

The letter E stands for “express.”. Being completely honest with yourself is
crucial for your own growth and positive experience with shadow work.

During this process, you will need to be open-minded and curious as to

increase your acceptance of what you are yet to discover about yourself.

The letter A stands for “accept and befriend”.It’s highly beneficial to focus
on being compassionate toward yourself during the whole journey through
shadow work as it will also increase your tolerance for frustration.
The letter R stands for “re-appraise and reframe”, and it’s all about trying to
see the situations in your life from a different perspective and learning to
shift your mindset to a more empowering one. Instead of asking yourself,
“Why is this happening to me?”, shift your thinking and ask, “What is this
trying to teach me?”

The letter S stands for “social support”, and it’s all about trusting others,
learning to accept help, and opening up while expanding your connection to
others through the practice of any spiritual activity or community building.

HOPE

The letter H stands for “happiness and overall well being”. It’s all about
adding positive experiences to your life while going through shadow work.
It’s super important to reveal your shadows, but it’s equally important to
focus on happy memories and celebrate your successes as doing that will
increase the amount of time you authentically feel good.

The letter O stands for “observe” When you improve your observation
skills, you learn to pay close attention to the magic happening around you.
One of the best ways of enhancing your capacity to observe is by engaging
in mindfulness and meditation practices because they teach you exactly
how to focus on the present moment.

Both mindfulness and meditation focus on all the nuances of being present,
and you will be amazed by how much there’s to observe and appreciate in
your surroundings.

The letter P stands for “physiology and behavioral changes”. Whenever you
feel overwhelmed, the best thing to do is to turn your attention to your own
body and adopt some relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises and
other soothing coping mechanisms.
The letter E stands for “eudaimonia”. This one is all about striving for goals
in life and finding meaning and purpose to be able to have a sense of
authenticity.

Strategies to Cope With Negative Emotions

Since shadow work is a self-healing practice that will inevitably require you
to deal with some heavy and negative emotions, it’s always best to
incorporate techniques and activities that can help you soothe and regulate
your nervous system. I am listing here some of these strategies that you can
add to your day-to-day life as a way of increasing positive emotional states
and fostering emotional resilience to stress.

Journaling about your best possible self

This journaling activity is all about envisioning your best possible self–that
one in which you are already healed of possible fears and traumas–and
putting to paper all about who you envision yourself to be years from now.
This exercise has the power to lift your mood and bring a sense of optimism
into your days as you get motivated to work on yourself and reach the best
version of you.

This exercise can also be done along with visualization techniques while
envisioning your life in the future and challenging yourself to imagine the
best possible outcome for your life as well as incorporating all those
personality traits you would like to have, fears you want to overcome, and
emotions you want to be able to shift.

Gratitude Letter
This is such a powerful and emotional activity that involves expressing
gratitude and forgiveness to people who have done kind things for you as
well as to people who have wronged you.

This could be either a letter thanking someone who inspired you greatly in
the past or forgiving someone who may have betrayed you. You may even
choose to write to someone you might have hurt in the past and apologize to
them. You can also write a letter to yourself and forgive yourself for having
done something you consider wrong.

These expressions of gratitude and forgiveness bring you peace of mind as

well as other benefits such as feeling more content, appreciative of life and
people around you. This exercise can also help you become a more
compassionate person.

Take Time Off

As shadow work can be a pretty intensive time going inward and dealing
with all those emotional wounds, giving yourself quality time to reset and
recharge is essential. During this specific day for yourself, you would have
the chance to minimize stress and give yourself the time and care necessary
to build your mental strength.

Setting some scheduled time aside to take good care of your mental health
will not only help you to increase your positive emotional state, but also
will instill much more joy and energy into your days so that you have a
smoother healing period.

Practicing Yoga

Yoga isn’t only a meditative practice, but also a highly physical one as well.
One of the most important principles in yoga is to recognize and embrace
the oneness with the universe and everything in it. Yoga teaches you how to
have a better relationship with yourself as you learn to embrace all parts of
your being while acknowledging your feelings and sensations, paying
attention to your body signals, and unifying body, mind, and spirit.

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping)

This is a practical self-healing tool in which you address unresolved

emotional issues through tapping on specific energy points in your body.
The whole technique is all about balancing our body’s energy system while
unblocking stuck energy by tapping your fingertips throughout the meridian
lines.

Breath Work (Deep and controlled breathing)

Breath work is another powerful practice that can take you back to your
natural body/mind rest and digest mode known as our parasympathetic
state. This natural state of our nervous system is a state of calm and
groundedness in which we feel good and present to the moment we are
living. Breath work is one of the fundamental parts of yoga practice since
it’s all about going back to your breath and practicing controlled breathing.
This is known as “Pranayamas” in yoga. Some well-known Pranayamas are
Ujjayi breathing, Nadi shodhana, and breath of fire. Besides these well-
known Pranayamas, there are other kinds of breathing techniques used a lot
such as Shamanic breathing, transformational breathing, the Wim Hof
technique, and Soma breathing.

A lot of these breathing techniques have their origin in ancient practices and
rituals such as the Shamans, Buddhism, and other indigineous tribes.
Also, some of these breathing techniques can even induce altered states of
consciousness such as the case of Holotropic breathing in which you would
practice intense breathing, inhaling and exhaling for the same amount of
time, but at totally different speeds and rhythms.

Choosing a meditation practice

While in meditation, it’s pretty common to have insights about why we

react the way we do in certain situations and why certain feelings come up.
As meditation is a very introspective practice, we end up learning tons
about ourselves and our mindset, besides being able to spontaneously heal
while allowing ourselves to feel our emotions.

Healing is a whole process that comes in layers, and so is shadow work.

Meditation is a practice that will help you peel all these layers, heal a small
amount today, and tomorrow, sit with another roll of emotions while
digging deeper and reflecting on them.

Whenever you come to have more profound, deeper experiences during

your shadow work, you can try focusing on a forgiveness meditation.
Visualizing the painful situation in your mind's eye and practicing
forgiveness by speaking to yourself in a more compassionate way can help
you tremendously in your healing journey.

During your meditation session, you have the opportunity to feel and
acknowledge your emotions, and after the meditation you can use
journaling to explore them while writing and reflecting about them.

Meditation can give you the chance to experience yourself as whole, loved,
and lovable, and because our shadow thrives on secrecy, during meditation,
you can shine some light on all those hidden parts of yourself.
Even if the process hurts, know that it's okay and that everybody goes
through the same thing.

Inner child healing

Addressing your inner child needs and focusing on inner child healing is a
fundamental part of shadow work. As we have discussed in the very
beginning of this book, most of our shadows are formed during our
childhood as are most of our limiting beliefs and traumas.

Childhood traumas, our upbringing, the environment we were raised in, and
our parents’ lack of self-awareness and emotional intelligence can all have a
huge influence on the kinds of emotional wounds we carry for life.

Your inner child is the complete opposite of your shadow self as it’s your
most playful, emotional, joyful, and even expressional side, however,
similarly to your shadow self, your inner self also holds some sensitive
wounds and traumas.

This is the main reason why we usually do inner child healing during
shadow work as discovering your inner child is a necessary step toward
healing emotional wounds.

We could even say that inner child healing and shadow work are
intertwined and interconnected because shadow work entails exactly that–
shedding some light on those parts of ourselves that we'd rather hide–and
more often than not, our childhood wounds are the most painful and
persistent ones we have.

Maybe you feel resentment toward your parents because, at some point in
your childhood, you felt you weren’t worthy of love or that your feelings
weren’t important. Perhaps, today, you feel as if you are supposed to take
care of everyone around you and everything because you didn’t have
anybody around you to take care of you while growing up. It might also be
that you have a hard time finding healthy loving relationships because the
only example you have comes from an extremely toxic and negative
environment at home.

Some indicators that you may be holding onto some inner child wounds are
if you show signs of abandonment issues, low self-esteem, codependency
behavior, or if you self-sabotage and self-criticize a lot.

Here are some ideas you can use to nurture your inner child and get started
on your inner-child healing journey:

Bring to memory a moment in your life when you may have felt
most vulnerable. Maybe there's a particular situation when you
were deeply hurt by a loved one or even lost them to some disease
and had to grieve for a while. It can also be any other kind of
situation you remember. Hold the image of yourself feeling that
pain in your mind.
Now, after reliving that experience, give that younger version of
you some love and compassion.
Affirm to yourself, "I love you” and “I'm here for you. Nothing
that happened was your fault. You deserve love and you have a
wonderful life ahead of you."
It’s also a great idea to do this exercise looking at yourself in the
mirror so that you can look straight into your eyes and imagine
yourself giving your younger self a warm and comforting hug.

This kind of exercise in which you travel back in time to meet your younger
self and give yourself love is a really powerful technique that allows you to
incorporate your inner child into your shadow work.
This is a kind of exercise in which you can instantly feel yourself shift to
inner peace and self-love. This exercise allows you to embrace and love
every part of you, including those not-so-loving parts.

Regardless of where you are in your self-healing journey, you can be sure
that the path to feeling whole isn't by ignoring and neglecting your
shadows, but rather accepting and shining light in all those parts of yourself
that you have a hard time loving.

Once you become aware of all those shadow beliefs that are keeping you in
a negative spiral and holding you back from living your fullest life, then
you will be able to consciously change your behavior and, in turn, change
your life.

How Your Shadow Can Work for You- The Pros of Shadow Work

1) Pro #1: Feel more whole.

You can heal from the past, and you can turn the past into a source of
empowerment, a beacon of your identity and strength.

By using all the tools available to you while doing shadow work, you will
feel more whole, open your eyes to yourself, and also become a much more
balanced and happier person.

All of us hide or deny some parts of ourselves that we dislike, thus, feeling
whole only comes with intentionality, being continuously curious about the
self, and a huge dose of self-compassion.

2) Pro #2: Improve your interaction with others.

The more you know yourself, your limiting beliefs, your boundaries, your
passions, and your drive in life, the better your relationships will be.
Since most relationship dramas are due to a lack of understanding about our
own needs and the needs of others coupled with frustrated expectations,
once we learn to be and feel whole, we will also learn how to deal with
expectations.

3) Pro #3: Heal trauma.

Along with acknowledging, embracing, and accepting all those not-so-

positive aspects of ourselves, healing our past traumas is what shadow work
is all about. There’s no healing if you can’t accept what has happened to
you in the first place.

4) Pro #4: Get whatever you need.

Acknowledging your own basic needs is a fundamental part of feeling

whole, and that’s exactly what happens when you crack open to yourself
and see yourself for who you really are.

5) Pro #5: Achieve self-realization.

Self-realization comes with self-awareness, and self-awareness is the result

of going into introspection and observing your patterns and behaviors.

6) Pro #6: Find empowerment.

Becoming self-aware and getting to know yourself on a much deeper level

gives you back the power of your own life. You no longer need to hide
behind a mask or feel the need to blame others for your failures or flaws.
By focusing on healing your emotional wounds, your sense of
empowerment increases because you come to understand that both your
happiness and your sadness lie within you. You are the only one who has
access to your inner world.

7) Pro #7: Boost your compassion.

Because you will start a journey inward to discover, acknowledge, and
accept all those hidden aspects of your soul, you find yourself looking at
your whole being and learning to be more compassionate with yourself.
Instead of beating yourself up, you find yourself learning to be your best
friend and supporter.

In the next chapter, I will guide you through a bit of the history behind
shadow work. You will go down the shadow work lane and learn the
different kinds of shadows, the main objectives of your shadow work, and
how they manifest in our day-to-day lives.
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 2

DOWN THE SHADOW WORK LANE

“Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior.”

— C. G. JUNG

BRIEF HISTORY OF SHADOW WORK

Where did Shadow Work come from?

Popularized by Psychiatrist, Carl Jung

The evil side of ourselves

I opened this chapter using a quote by Carl Gustav Jung because we are
about to dive into his theoretical definition of what shadow work is, and to
begin, let's take a quick look at what constitutes the shadow and the
archetypes that often coincide with it.

Our shadow, simply put, constitutes behaviors, feelings, and ideas that
we’ve historically cast aside as we have been conditioned to believe them to
be flaws. This judgment and shaming towards our shadow self is often
rooted in the environment we grew up in. For instance, let’s take a boy who
grew up within a family that wanted a burly, masculine son. The kind of
guy that chops down trees with one clean strike. This might appear to
conflict with a lot of characteristics this boy had such as his fondness for
poetry. Then, as a natural consequence, this boy will end up repressing his
innate artistic talents and even avoiding that he feels drawn to beautiful and
creative things as he is conditioned to believe that such expressions aren’t
masculine.

The truth of the matter is that during childhood, teenage years, and even as
young adults, all of us are bound to follow our family’s ideas of what it is
that we are “supposed to do”. All of us are somewhat shaped by our
parents’ beliefs, and in one way or another, we always tend to give in to the
idea of the person our family wants us to become, even when that goes
completely against our own personal beliefs and feelings.

That’s where and when our inner conflicts start to come to the surface and
our traumas start to become apparent, and we can’t hide anymore. More
often than not, our shadows start to influence our decisions and choices in
life without us being aware of them. Most of us spend our whole lives
subjected to our shadows without ever questioning our own behaviors or the
reason why we can’t feel whole or feel happy. This is also the moment we
all create a persona and start showing up in the world as if it were a genuine
part of our true self.

The shadow is a concept brought to the western world by the famous Swiss
psychiatrist, Carl Jung, and he coined this term to describe all those aspects
of our personality that we repress, deny, or hide.

Society is organized in such a way that, either directly or indirectly, it

dictates the moral and behavioral standards we all are supposed to follow,
and according to these standards, we all possess certain personality traits
that can be considered inappropriate, unhealthy, and even unacceptable.
That’s exactly how our persona. is created According to Jung’s philosophy,
a persona is not necessarily who we truly are, but rather, the mask we wear
in order to be presentable and acceptable to our society (Cherry, 2022). We
may use our persona as a way to show up and fit in, but the characteristics
in it won’t be aligned to who we truly are within.

Whether it’s because we are trying to fit in, trying to fulfill a role in society,
or because we crave to be loved and recognized, the truth is that all of us
have developed a persona over time.

Jung has also developed analytical psychology and challenged his current
psychological discourse, proposing a far deeper view of the human mind.
Some argue he was the father of psychology as we know it.

He pioneered the concepts that make shadow work, from the archetypes, to
the goal of individuation, and the idea of the shadow itself. We can even say
that Jung added a somewhat mystical approach to psychodynamic theory as
his whole work was a result of blending psychology, religion, and a myriad
of other spiritual philosophies. He created his own personality theory,
applying concepts from physics to psychological functioning as well as
introducing the concept of personality types to mainstream psychology and
psychiatry.

Without a doubt, Carl Jung can be considered a visionary, and another huge
contribution of his is the concept of what we know as the collective
unconscious. According to Jung, all human beings are born with some
unconscious shared memories, meaning that we often react similarly in
certain situations across the world regardless of our cultural, societal, or
ethnic standards (Fritscher, 2022).

Have you ever noticed how we all react similarly to the idea of heroes and
how we all tend to react to ideals in our lives? Every culture, ethnic group,
or indigenous tribe has their own image of a higher power, whether they are
gods and goddesses, life force energy, the source, the divine, spirits, angels
or archangels, this idea of a higher power is literally everywhere. What
about the way we all get amazed and mesmerized by the beauty of the sun
and the moon?

How else could so many significant and similar patterns in reactions exist if
not by a collective unconscious?

It’s because of Jung’s idea of a collective unconscious that he introduced

and incorporated the concept of the archetypes into our personality traits.

According to Jung, all human beings have certain psychic memories which
are inherited and impressed upon the mind since ancient times (Jung, 1940).

Jung used the collective unconscious concept to come with eight different
Jungian archetypes:

Self–The self can be considered the core of your personality or,

like Jung himself used to call it, the psyche —it's related to
everything you are consciously aware of. However, this archetype
will contain both everything you are conscious about and what is
hidden in your subconscious mind as well. Jung believed that we
all create our sense of self through a process called
“individuation.” This process integrates all the aspects of our
personality, and when there’s disharmony between the unconscious
and the conscious mind, it’s when we experience psychological
problems (Fritscher, 2022). Jung also believed that our personality
is made up of two different parts: The ego and the self. While the
ego is the main part of our conscious being, the self is what
dictates our personality traits, and our personality is a combination
of conscious and unconscious traits.
 Shadow– This archetype as we have already discussed represents
the darkest part of our personality and all those aspects we
consciously or unconsciously deny, repress, or feel ashamed of.
Anima– This archetype reflects the feminine within the masculine.
Animus– This archetype represents the masculine aspect of all
women. When anima and animus are combined together, we have
then something called “syzygy”, which is the representation of
unification and a divine couple.
Persona– The persona, as we have also discussed, is the mask you
wear when showing up in the world so that you can fit in and be
accepted while hiding your inner self.
Hero– This archetype often represents a defender, a rescuer, and a
part of your psyche that can overcome evil.
Wise old man–This archetype represents the part of our
personality that has the ability to reflect, question, and contains our
wisdom.
Trickster: This archetype is a representation of the part of our
personality that needs and seeks external validation and
gratification.

Also according to Carl Jung, we all have the capacity to engage in horrible
and brutal acts when faced with extreme situations or as an act of survival,
thus whether we accept it or not, everyone has a dark, obscure part in their
personality.

It’s a fact that all emotions, whether positive or negative, are a natural part
of our experience as human beings. We all feel anger and greed at some
point in our lives, just as we all experience awe and love throughout our
journey. As we grow up, though, our human traits associated with “being a
good person” are reinforced and accepted while those traits considered part
of a “bad person” are rejected, shamed, and discouraged.
As a form of survival, we all end up adjusting our behaviors and even
beliefs to fulfill those basic needs we all have–needs to feel safe, belong,
and be loved–and then we adapt to the external world and follow societal
rules.

However, as the following quote by Carl Jung says, we can’t be whole and
feel whole without accepting those imperfect parts of ours.

“There is no light without shadow and no psychic wholeness

without imperfection”
— CARL JUNG

Of course, Jungian archetypes are considered to be simply instinctual

patterns based on that collective unconscious he believed in and are not to
be taken literally as each of us is a completely different individual and carry
a really unique and nuanced experience in life.

THE FIVE TENETS OF SHADOW WORK

Shadow work can seem confusing even at the clearest times. These
principles should serve as a guide you can look back to when you wish to
integrate new practices, and perhaps more importantly, so you can begin on
a solid foundation.

For that, there are some important elements and action-habits you can
incorporate into your practice so that shadow work can be effectively
carried out to propel your progress.

Let’s begin with identity. Your shadow self is, inevitably, part of you.
However, you are more than just your shadow self or even a sum of your
“light” self and it. You remain the one who has control, and it is up to you
to determine who your best self is. As you walk the shadow work lane,
you’ll learn to accept and integrate these dark blobs without giving up
control. You’ll assimilate them and bring more and more of you into the
light.

As you get started on the path to uncover your shadows and start
acknowledging those hidden parts of your being, it’s a really good idea to
write your experience out. As we have discussed in Chapter 1, journaling
is a key factor during your whole experience with shadow work. By
keeping a journal, you allow yourself to consciously process the work you
do. You acknowledge progress. Most importantly, it recontextualizes your
discoveries, deepening them.

Another super important part of shadow work is to start paying close

attention to the way you react to the situations and people in your life.
When you are faced with stressful and challenging situations and when you
feel yourself being triggered–that’s when your shadow is manifesting itself.
The good news is, the fact that your shadow is coming to the surface means
you can analyze it. For instance, what’s your automatic reaction whenever
you are contradicted? The way you react shows you what may be your
deepest emotional wound, and then, you can look at it with a bit more
compassion, give yourself some love, and start addressing that specific
issue. It may help to look at all your reactions as neutral flares from a part
of you that’s stranded, looking to be part of the whole.

Your gut feeling, believe it or not, is another core principle in shadow

work. It’s a more subtle indicator than a breakdown, but by following your
gut, you can reach more accurate conclusions in this field.

The last of our key points is time, accompanied by patience. Shadow

work renders us more complete as we continue practicing it. Once you go
down the shadow work lane–it’s going to be a lifetime journey. It’s a
continuous personal development journey and there’s no ceiling to the
growth you can achieve from it.

For now, though, I invite you again to join me in this next chapter of the
book so that you can keep on discovering the traits that make up your
shadow’s personality.
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 PART II

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR SHADOW

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 3

THE SHADOW PERSONALITY

Whether you like it or not, whether you accept it or not, believing that to be
happy in life, all you have to do is follow the light, focus on everything
beautiful and positive, and completely reject sadness or any associated
feelings is a form of escapism.

How is that so?

All of us have a darker side in our personality, all of us feel sad and
desperate at times, and all of us will lose loved ones along our path and will
grieve, mourn, and cry. That’s just how being a human is.

The essence of our whole existence is experiencing all the nuanced feelings
that arise and the mere fact of “feeling” is a privilege .

Have you ever imagined what the human experience would be like if we
didn’t have feelings in the first place?

No matter what those feelings may look like, light or heavy, having and
experiencing our feelings is what makes this life worth living, after all.

Focusing solely on the bright side of life and denying all other feelings you
have is a real form of spiritually bypassing your inner conflicts, and it’s a
sure path to a life made up of lies and unrealistic expectations not only
about yourself, but also about everything in life.

It’s a fact that when our shadow self is shunned, it’s inevitable that it will
undermine and sabotage our whole lives. For instance, all our traumas,
addictions, mental illnesses, low self-esteem, negative self-talk, and the
tendency to minimize and belittle ourselves, as well as all our anxiety and
overthinking tendencies are all attributed to our neglected or rejected
shadow self.

That’s when shadow work comes into play and that’s why it’s so important
to turn inward and work on your inner conflicts. By doing so, you are
giving yourself the chance to explore your inner darkness, bring the
unconscious to consciousness, and unburden your soul from those heavy
memories and feelings of emptiness.

More often than not, when we feel uncomfortable and disturbed by the
thought of having a shadow self, it’s because we ended up developing an
idealized and unrealistic sense of self.

Have you ever caught yourself saying one of the following affirmations?

I’m not like those people, I’m better.

It’s unacceptable that I make mistakes. I must do everything
perfect at all times.
I never have bad thoughts, so why do others?
I am a role model so I can never fail.
I can never show myself being emotional or else people will think I
am weak.

All these affirmations are a sign that we may hold an unrealistic and
unhealthy perception of ourselves.
Our shadow is not only a natural part of our being, but it’s also constructed
over time as it’s formed in childhood and can be both a product of our ego
and of conditioning or socialization.

It’s crucial to understand that our shadow self isn’t completely dark and
evil. Not all is doom and gloom within us. As the shadow self can be a
construct of our social conditioning, it most likely hides some of our most
brilliant gifts and talents as well. Your shadow may contain incredible
innovative, artistic, and intuitive characteristics that you may hold hidden
due to societal and cultural conditioning.

This beautiful and talented part of our shadow is described by psychiatrist

Carl Jung as our “golden shadow” and still, according to Jung. “it’s made
up of ninety percent pure gold” (Luna, 2022).

For instance, maybe you have psychic abilities and are extremely sensitive,
even an empath, but because you grew up in a culture and environment that
mocks, minimizes, and doubts this kind of ability. You end up suppressing
and hiding this natural talent of yours. It may even be that you have a deep
sense of connection with your intuitive side and have the ability to perceive
people’s energy quite easily, but because you were conditioned to believe
this is just a woo woo trend, you miss on the opportunity of helping other
people to heal themselves.

Can you see how much you would be missing out on if you decided to
completely reject your shadow self and keep on living as if it didn’t exist?
Not all parts of ourselves that we reject are dark, all dark parts of ourselves
are likely to have been rejected at some point and cause us to feel shame
and guilt.

Letting our dark side join our light allows us balance. However, it doesn’t
seem like that when we look at the media. Characters are often portrayed as
flawed, yet complete individuals that are either good or bad. In reality, we
get to define what these constructs mean. Shadows aren’t inherently bad,
they’re simply repressed. We had a reason to cast them where they are, but
by extending forgiveness to them, something magical happens. We forgive
ourselves too.

THE SHADOW TRAITS

Have you ever encountered someone who would point fingers at others
pretty easily, getting bothered by what they call annoying aspects in these
other people’s personalities?

We all tend to see these annoying traits in other people pretty easily, but
when it comes to our own, it will take a lot of time, effort, and a big dose of
introspection to really bring them into awareness.

Unless you are someone with a very low self-esteem who is always
belittling themselves, you would tend to hide or deny your least likable
personality traits.

It’s quite common for people to deal with the aspects of their personality
that they don't like through projection, which is when you acknowledge and
even call out someone else's behavior, but don’t bother noticing or
completely ignore the same behavior in yourself.

For instance, let’s say you are in a relationship in which you are always
jealous when your partner decides to have some time alone or with friends,
and the idea of them spending time away from you leaves you anxious and
irritable. However, you completely deny being a jealous person at the same
time that you, yourself, hate when your partner asks you about your time
alone or with friends.

Projection also causes us to attribute thoughts and feelings we believe to be

wrong onto others and, more often than not, when someone leaves you
feeling super annoyed and irritated, it’s very likely that the traits you are
acknowledging in them represent your own shadow traits. The rejection you
are feeling can be a sign they're reminding you of a part of yourself you
don't like.

Engaging in shadow work, then, can help you break this cycle of projection
by helping you uncover these repressed parts of yourself.

There are some pretty common shadow traits shared by us all in various
different degrees, of course. Some of these shadow aspects include:

outbursts of rage and anger

jealousy
manipulative behavior
high levels of selfishness
heavy displays of ego and arrogance
obsessive, especially about what other people think
intolerance
judgmental behavior
extremely defensive action
overly competitive nature
annoyingly stubborn attitudes

It’s important for you to understand that embracing your shadow aspects
doesn’t mean allowing these negative traits to control you or make them
stronger, but rather, it means to accept that you feel these feelings in you
and work on yourself to soothe them or learn to manage these emotions
without letting them destroy your happiness and wellbeing.

For instance, being judgmental is pretty normal. Every one of us will judge
someone somehow. Because of our preconceptions and limiting beliefs we
hold, we may judge other people’s opinions, actions, and even looks. That’s
human, by the way. When doing shadow work, though, your main task is to
identify in what situations you are more prone to be judgmental and to dive
deep into your belief system to uncover your probable limiting beliefs
making you judge someone.

The same goes for all the other negative traits you may present. If, for
instance, you tend to be overly competitive, you need to try to find out the
limiting beliefs behind this personality trait. Maybe, you grew to be
extremely competitive because, as a teenager your talents weren’t
recognized or people around you didn’t believe you were capable of
achieving your goals. As a consequence, you learned that your worth is
based on your achievements, and if you can’t succeed and show progress,
people don't value you. In this case, your main task during shadow work is
to strengthen your self-concept by learning to feel worthy for who you are
and not for what you do.

It’s because of the intense inner work and self-awareness required

throughout all your self healing process that it’s best to align a personal
development plan with your shadow work journey. When you get clarity
about what areas of your life you want to improve and who you are aiming
to become, your whole inner work process gets a little bit easier because
you start targeting specific aspects of your personality and way of thinking.

In the same way, we all have different shadow traits in our personality. Each
one of us will fit in a different shadow type as well.

Below, I am guiding you through the different shadow types and their
corresponding characteristics.

The Shadow Types

Have you ever felt compelled to act in a way that totally contradicted your
usual way of thinking and feeling?

Most of us, if not all of us, have. The things we believe in and the way we
act are all constructs of our environment, and in one way or another, are a
result of individual or social acceptability or even pressure.

Sometimes in life, we go through certain experiences or feel compelled to

do things a certain way, not because of what we deeply believe in, but
rather, because we are trying to fit in and prove our value to someone or to a
group.

That happens, for example, when we betray ourselves to please others.

People-pleasers usually neglect their own beliefs, wishes, and needs to be
accepted and not cause conflicts. Others, though, also neglect themselves,
but not necessarily to please people or to be accepted, but simply because
they don't trust or believe in their own capacity of doing things right, so
they are willing to go against their own beliefs and needs and end up acting
in ways that completely contradict who they truly are.

When we allow our shadows to take over, we end up living our whole lives
without knowing what to live authentically really means.

Some of us, though, aren't always controlled by our shadows, but will allow
them to take the lead in certain situations in life.

It may be that you are going through a delicate period in your life and don't
have the necessary strength and emotional support to be sensible, so you
end up giving in to your overcritical and resentful side.

In another challenging moment in life, after being betrayed by someone you

deeply loved, you might end up giving in to the fear of being betrayed
again, thus revealing your most possessive and jealous personality, which in
turn, can destroy your current relationship.
No matter what challenges you may go through in life, the truth is that there
will always be that specific day when your shadow will reveal itself to you.

The question is, Will you be prepared to deal with your shadows and not let
them control you, but rather, learn with them to be able to heal yourself
from whatever emotional wound you have?

According to Carl Jung (1940), all of us present the following shadow types
within:

The Egocentric

The main cause for this shadow side to exist is the fear of not being good
enough. Be it because we didn't have emotional support while growing up
or because we went through some kind of rejection in life, the fear of not
being recognized and not being special is the feeling that is behind all of
our insecurities.

People who allow this shadow type to take over tend to mask their fear by
showing off, being arrogant, inconsiderate, sometimes even developing a
narcissistic personality.

The Rigid

This shadow type's main fears are the fear of the unknown and the fear of
change. They grow so attached to their point of view and their fixed idea of
how people and the world should function that they refuse to accept any
different form of being and seeing things.

People dominated by this shadow type can be, though are not always,
perceived as intolerant and narrow-minded. Unfortunately, these people
might hold racist, sexist, or other highly prejudiced beliefs that cause them
to isolate people and ideas that don’t conform to their perception of the way
of the world.

The Cynical

This shadow type's main characteristic is to protect themselves against

feeling vulnerable, and in doing so, they can show themselves to be overly
critical and patronizing. Many of them grow to be resentful and quite
negative people as well. While being realistic isn’t a fault, cynicism can be
taken to an extreme, especially when it is projected onto others and impacts
their energy.

The Emotionally Unstable

The fear behind all the insecurities in this shadow type comes from not
feeling lovable. Deep down, they feel unworthy of unconditional and true
love due to some unresolved emotional trauma, and because of that, they
might be over-emotional, moody, impulsive, and melodramatic. More often
than not, the people who are controlled by this specific shadow develop
manipulative behavior as well. Again, this type exhibits emotional behavior
that is taken to an extreme. In this case, the behavior impacts the way a
person interacts with others and the wider world and can be damaging to
themselves.

The Neurotic

People who allow their neurotic shadow to take over develop fear in
everyone and everything in life, and to mask this constant fear of life itself,
they have an uncontrollable necessity to regain control.
Because of their lack of trust in life, they simply can't find ways of trusting
in people as well. They develop a demanding personality and tend to be the
ones who micromanage at work, are overly jealous and possessive in their
relationships, and become the helicopter parents. Over time, the people
dominated by this shadow type develop paranoia, compulsive behavior, and
are suspicious of everything and everyone.

The Unreliable

This shadow type shares the same fears the neurotic shadow does, but
instead of developing a controlling personality, the unreliable shadow
makes the avoidant type and can’t commit themselves to anything and
anyone. This can be either because they don’t trust others or themselves.
The unreliable shadow lies on secrecy and can be quite impulsive as well.

The Wrath

This shadow type is the one that always feels that the world owes them
something, and their main characteristic is to be vengeful. They don’t
accept losing and can’t stand competition. They are cold-hearted and can be
pretty ruthless at times. They are usually quick-tempered and quarrelsome.

The Glib

This shadow type’s main characteristic involves being mean and they are
always planning a trickery cunning scheme to win at all costs. They can be
pretty superficial and inconsistent as well. Someone with these
characteristics might dismiss a mean-spirited action as a joke, and they
might not understand when people do not respond the way they expect.
 The Naïve

People who are controlled by this specific shadow type are the ones who
consciously or unconsciously have not significantly grown or matured.
They lack individuality and authenticity and can be quite illogical. People
who exhibit this characteristic might have been exposed to a more sheltered
environment growing up and will keep up what they consider to be normal
throughout their lives. Those who take this trait to the extreme might be
resistant to breaking out of their “bubble” or might insist that those outside
of that bubble are unsafe.

The Emotionally Detached

This shadow type grows completely detached due to unconscious and

buried grief and fear of everything so their defense mechanism is to numb
themselves to hide their shame, guilt, and fears. The term, “emotionally
detached” used in everyday life usually refers to people who, for one reason
or another, do not readily express their emotions or do not have the tools to
do so. They might be indifferent or distant, but it’s also possible that they
appear indifferent or distant while not having the tools to present their
genuine emotions.

The Pervert

These are the ones with repressed sexual energy and mask their guilt and
shame through sexual acts. While some people’s sexual preferences tailor to
specific life experiences and can help people to improve their relationship
with those experiences, taken to these extreme, this personality type might
not treat their sexual partner according to the terms that they agree upon.
Otherwise, they might impose their sexual preferences in environments
where these advances aren’t welcome.

The Coward

The coward shadow is the one that, besides being afraid of everything
unfamiliar, is also the one who doesn’t trust themselves. Their fear isn’t
hidden, though, and they are always fearful in life. While different forms of
fear are reasonable, fear can also be isolating in its extreme and can cause
people to miss significant opportunities.

We will dive deeper into your own shadow type in the next chapter as it will
give you the importance of meeting all these hidden parts of yours.
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 4

MEETING YOUR SHADOW SELF

While repressing and suppressing some aspects of our personality is

something considered inevitable due to our upbringing and how modern
society is organized now, it doesn’t mean that it’s something healthy or
beneficial to us all.

Exactly because it’s maladaptive, as you continue to gain knowledge about

your shadow self, it’s always a better alternative to make a conscious effort
and go deep into your emotional wounds so that you can heal them and
learn to accept your true and authentic self.

Otherwise, how do you expect to live a fulfilling and wholesome life if you
aren’t whole yourself?

Let’s say, for instance, that growing up you weren’t taken seriously by your
parents or caretakers. Every time that you tried to give your opinion on
something, show others your real interests, or even showed proof that their
beliefs were outdated or wrong, you were ridiculed every single time.
Considering that this situation kept happening during your whole childhood
and teenagehood, you ended up developing a fear of speaking up, and today
as an adult, you face extreme anxiety every time you need to make a
presentation, make new friends, or when you need to sell your services at
work. Clearly, you suppressed your most authentic self so much that today,
it’s unbelievably difficult for you to show up for yourself in this world.

Can you see how damaging suppressing some parts of your personality can
be for your own success and happiness in life?

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SUPPRESS YOUR SHADOW SELF

As we have already covered in Chapter 2, according to Carl Jung’s ideas,

our personality is made up of our conscious and unconscious elements
altogether. Our conscious mind reflects all the parts in ourselves that we are
aware of, and that’s also where our “ego” resides.

We also discussed our personas which, according to Jung, are the elements
and characteristics in our personality that we mold, adjust, hide, and
suppress in order to fit in and be accepted in society or please others around
us. Your persona is your social mask that you wear in specific situations
and places such as the side of your personality that you show at work, the
one that you embrace every first date you have, that unique side of your
personality that you share only with close friends and family, and even that
person you believe you are and others can’t seem to recognize.

You may be wondering, What’s the problem with having numerous

personas in different locations and with different people?

We always wish to be admired, accepted, and loved by the ones around us,
we tend to hold on tight to the parts of our personality we believe are
acceptable by others and hide or mask the ones we perceive as not so
acceptable or perfect. The whole issue starts there. Even though you hide or
suppress these parts, they still exist in you and will manifest in your life in
one way or another. They will still have a huge impact on your feelings,
actions, and behaviors, but you will deny all of them.
As for Jung’s studies on the human psyche, when we avoid, repress, or deny
some parts of our personality, we are much more likely to feel unhappy,
dissatisfied in life, and suffer in the long run. The more we hide or deny
these traits we dislike, the more they end up influencing our decisions and
our repetitive patterns, a multitude of consequences can arise. Some of
those can include but are not limited to mental and physical health problems
such as chronic illness, anxiety, depression, and even addiction.

When you suppress, deny, or repress your shadow self, you are also self-
sabotaging as these parts of yourself that you don’t acknowledge can and
will prevent you from reaching your full potential in life. That can be
clearly noticed, particularly when your shadows have been suppressed as a
result of limiting beliefs you acquired while growing up. Once you start
considering a particular behavior or personality trait to be unacceptable or
shameful, it becomes difficult to overturn that even when some of these
traits aren’t negative per se. In reality, in some cases, these traits you
perceive as negative could even be positive traits such as being emotional,
having a strong independent personality, being sensitive, or even having
strong opinions and being idealistic.

The conscious or unconscious decision of neglecting your own shadow

side, be it negative or positive, can make you become too worried about
other people's opinions which in turn will reflect on your lack of acceptance
of your true self.

That’s why it’s so important to bring to your shadow work practices that
will empower you and give you the opportunity to explore your shadows
while practicing self-acceptance and being compassionate to yourself. It’s
also crucial to pinpoint which parts of yourself you have previously drawn a
protective shield over and focus on self-discovery so that you gain a deeper
understanding of your own limitations and boundaries.
Sure enough, challenging your self-perception can be quite uncomfortable.
However, taking a deep look inside yourself and learning to uncover and
integrate your shadows will take you to a happier and more fulfilled life.

Learning to Embrace and Understand Your Shadows

Something really important to keep in mind is that your shadow is by no

means a stranger to be afraid of, but rather, it’s just another part of you
sitting there, just waiting for your attention and approval. The best thing
you can do for yourself, then, is to approach it openly and with care, like
you would if one of your dearest friends were going through difficult times
and needed your help.

One of the first things you can do to get to know your shadow self is to
monitor your behavior closely.

Every time you catch yourself judging someone or feeling way too annoyed
by their attitudes, ask yourself these question:

Am I projecting? Does this particular behavior the person engaged

in remind me of something I dislike in myself?
Is my shadow self lashing out at a particular trigger?
Can I pinpoint which part of me has been triggered and why?

Keep in mind that the answers for these questions may be hidden and
oftentimes buried deep in your childhood, so it may be a great idea to travel
back in time and look at it carefully and kindly. Don’t be harsh on yourself
and don’t beat yourself up for not knowing better at the moment.

Working with your shadow self requires you to look deep within, and more
often than not, you will find yourself neglecting these parts in you over and
over again until facing them becomes a necessity.
While this is a common situation during shadow work, the earlier you begin
to integrate your shadow, the earlier you will feel calm and in control and
the faster you will feel whole and authentic.

How could my triggers be seen as gifts somehow?

✎…

✎…

✎…

Have you ever considered that you could look differently at your
perceptions and turn those perceived negative aspects of your personality
into something that would benefit you?

For instance, let’s say you despise arrogance and laziness. In your primary
perspective, you tend to link arrogance to annoyingly having too much self-
confidence and self-worth, but what if you started looking at these traits as
an opportunity to be more assertive in your decision-making?

What about that perception of yours that insists on getting annoyed when
you think someone is being lazy? What if you switched that negative idea
and turned it into an opportunity to strategically step back and relax as a
way of preventing overwhelm and burnout?

There's always a way of turning these so-called negative traits into positive
and beneficial ones if you learn how to make good use of them in certain
situations. Also, trying to see them from a different perspective can increase
your tolerance of others in a healthy way. Then, you will have more energy
to focus and spend on things you are truly interested in or love instead of
wasting all your energy on being reactive and having thoughts that only
drain you.
Recognizing and embracing our many facets offers us the opportunity for
personal growth and self-forgiveness. You can start the process of
embracing your shadows today by asking yourself these questions:

• What are five qualities that you dislike in others? Why do you dislike
them? What do they trigger in you?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

• What would be another way of viewing these disliked qualities? Can you
think of ways to turn them into empowering traits?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Let's recap then, the ways in which you can identify your shadow self and
what steps you need to take to embrace and integrate them.

The Jungian concept of projection.

The first thing to be aware of is that the way you see the world and others
says more about you than anyone else. All that bothers you about others is a
strong sign that those aspects may be alive within you and, consequently,
are part of your shadow personality.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an

understanding of ourselves.”
— DR. CARL JUNG

Another important aspect to take into consideration is anything related to

your emotional triggers.

Take note of everything that makes you feel angry, shocked, disgusted,
upset, and afraid. Pay attention to your emotional reactions because the
things that trigger you reveal your wounds and your shadow self.

The moment you start to notice a trigger, take a deep breath and ask
yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?”

In the heat of the moment, you may not have time to work with your
triggered emotions right then and there. That’s why, at the end of the day,
take some time to practice journaling and reflect on the interactions you had
with others. How did you react?

Maybe, take it a step further and start meditating on it before journaling to

see what comes up.

The third aspect to pay attention to is your automatic default- your

repetitive behavior patterns.

Looking for repeating patterns in your life or in your experiences is an

effective way to pinpoint your shadows.

What kind of people do you usually attract into your life? Do you
often attract toxic people?
 Can you notice any pattern in your relationships, the type of people
you’re attracting, what usually and repeatedly happens in your
career or in any other aspect of your life?

The fourth aspect is a crucial step you need to take if you are really serious
about healing your emotional wounds, and it's all about going into solitude
and carving time for introspection.

Many of us think of ourselves as being good people. We have a deeply

rooted association with what we consider to be “good” or “bad”. Then, over
time, as we grow older, we tend to add other characteristics to what we
consider a bad person or a good person. Soon, those characteristics become
our identity.

What we rarely notice, though, is that all those labels we attach to ourselves
and others only widen the gap between our conscious self and our shadow.

For example, when you identify yourself as being polite, you might
automatically deny the aspect in your personality that could express
themselves freely, and maybe you would refrain yourself from being honest
or even saying the truth if necessary. In the same way, when you define
yourself as an achiever and goal-oriented, the part of you that would slow
down a bit to recharge could be neglected or even shamed.

So, the best thing you can do for yourself is to bring traits that you identify
as negative to the surface and observe the situations in which they get
awakened. Then, work on accepting these parts and learn to befriend them.

Befriending your negative parts doesn't mean to become an evil person or

start self-indulging in destructive behaviors.

Accepting and embracing your shadows isn't about allowing different traits
and behaviors to completely overtake you, but it's about acknowledging
traits that exist in you that aren’t acknowledged.

That's why introspection, self-reflection, and journaling exercises are so

important during all your shadow work journey.

Ask yourself:

What parts of yourself do you judge?

What parts of yourself do you fear?

The answers to these questions will help reveal parts of your shadow self.

Now that you know what you’re dealing with, here are some powerful ways
to integrate your shadow and heal it.

Practice Self-Acceptance.

Don’t push it away or refuse to acknowledge it. Your shadow was created
from nonacceptance. That’s why it exists. So, in order to heal it and
minimize it, you need to embrace it with compassion and acceptance.

Learn to be an observer without judging yourself or others.

Once you notice an instance that has triggered your shadow, don’t criticize
it or judge it. Don’t act on the negative emotion, but allow it to be. As
mentioned above, catch it when it arises, calm down, and allow it to pass.
Then, meditate on what came up later on.

Hypnotherapy/ Hypnosis sessions

Diving into past events that may have impacted you a lot and trying to
remember details about it are a part of many current mental health practices,
but it can also be an effective tool when it comes to healing your shadow
self. When you are in a hypnosis session, the hypnotherapist guides you in
bringing to memory any trauma that may be hidden in the back of your
mind. That’s how you start your healing process: by looking at those events
and situations.

It’s great to be curious about parts of your life you may have forgotten.
Therein lies the roots of all your emotional wounds.

Journaling

Journaling is such a powerful healing tool. If you’re not sure where to start,
just start writing. Write whatever comes to mind. Writing your thoughts is a
proven method that can do wonders when it comes to releasing stress and
managing negative emotions.

You will most likely need to travel back in time and revisit your childhood.
Take your time to reflect on these prompts and ask yourself:

Were you completely accepted by those around you as a child?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

What was expected of you?

✎…
✎…

✎…

✎…

What emotions and behaviors were judged by your parents?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Meditation

Meditation is the perfect closing to your shadow work sessions. The

moment you bring all those aspects of your subconscious mind to
consciousness, you can work on regulating your nervous system and
calming down from any overwhelming emotions. You can practice a
meditation focused on bringing insights into everything you uncovered
during shadow work.

Give yourself some time during the meditation to process any negative
emotion and to reflect on your patterns and overall feelings. You can take
advantage of visualization techniques to focus on imagining your healing
already complete or focusing on your inner child healing. You can visualize
yourself back in time and meet your younger self. It’s a very emotional
practice, but also very effective. Closing your eyes, you are going to focus
on seeing your inner child right there in front of you. Then, you will allow
yourself to give your inner child all the love, comfort, and attention that you
may not have received at that age.
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 5

THE JUNGIAN METHOD

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your

life and you will call it fate.
— CARL JUNG

A 2013 essay for the Behavioral Sciences Journal states: “Results of

several studies show that Jungian treatment moves patients from a level of
severe symptoms to a level where one can speak of psychological health”
(Roesler, 2013).

So, in order for you to have a better understanding about The Jungian
Method, in this chapter, I am guiding you through the basis of what the
process of individuation entails.

BECOMING YOUR TRUE SELF: JUNG’S GOAL

Individuation, in broad strokes, means integrating all parts of the self. Jung
saw it as a lifelong goal that every person should aspire to.

We are all born to become part of a collective. At first, we are integrated

into a small group formed by the members of our family. Gradually, as we
grow older, this collective extends to an even bigger circle made up of our
friends, school mates, the congregation our parents belong to, and the
neighbors living next to us.

Naturally, by becoming part of this extended collective, this community we

belong to, the culture we are exposed to, and the religious dogmas we are
taught from an early age start to shape our personality. This acquired
personality is called “the acquired mind” by the Taoists, since we all
develop and even borrow certain traits from the environment we are in
(Vergara, 2021).

Our external world, which consists of this environment, is conventional,

somewhat predictable as it’s predetermined and holds these specific
guidelines of what we should believe, what things we should value, and
how we should behave.

Our whole lives are based and planned according to the rules of this
organized environment so that we have the illusion that our external world
is all structure and order. However, our inner world is far from predictable
and set as it’s yet to be explored and discovered. Our inner world is full of
questions, doubts, ideas, passions, and most importantly, it needs a
meaningful purpose. This inner world, for most of us, is somewhat chaotic,
messy, and blurred by all our emotions.

It doesn’t come as a surprise, then, that both Freud and Jung called this
inner chaos our unconscious.

As we have already discussed, our unconscious is made up of everything

that exists within us, but that we aren’t conscious of. These can be the
patterns you engage in without even realizing, the autopilot mode that rules
your life, and the countless times in which you behave impulsively and
afterwards wonder why you acted that specific way.
It’s backed by science that our unconscious thinking impacts and even rules
our routine decision-making.

Have you ever noticed how automatic all the mundane activities you do
right after you wake up in the morning are? You don’t consciously think, I
will get up and head to the shower, do you? Instead, your mind is already
set to doing that on autopilot. That’s your unconscious ruling your decision-
making.

In the same way, our unconscious affects the reactions we have to certain
situations and events. You may not be aware of it, but your subconscious
mind automatically links a particular experience you are having to
something you experienced in the past, and in an attempt to protect you
from suffering, pain, or discomfort, it propels you to certain emotions and
actions.

That's where shadow work comes into play. Even if society conditions our
consciousness by indoctrinating us somehow or our subconscious mind
tricks us in acting a certain way, it's our responsibility as grown ups
individuals to make the unconscious, conscious.

That's exactly what individuation is all about, and Carl Jung created its
process because he believed each one of us is a unique being with unique
personality characteristics and with a distinct destiny and path to be
revealed.

We can even say that Jung's individuation process was his unique way of
presenting what we today know as personal development since the whole
purpose of individuation is to increase our own consciousness.

Also, according to Jung's ideas, as we develop greater consciousness, each

one of us can close the gap between our conscious mind and our
unconscious and finally become whole and fully aware of our own unique
way of being, our gifts, and purpose in life (Cite).

That's why Jung's beliefs revolve around the way we construct our psyche.
He explains that during our first half of life, we are more focused on
making our way through the world, trying our best to develop healthy egos,
and meet our most important needs.

In the second part of life, though, it's when we turn inward trying to find a
deeper part of ourselves that we believe to be lost, but that in reality is just
dormant, forgotten in the depths of our souls. That's precisely when we start
the individuation process.

It's through our self-development that we come to terms with a solid self-
identity. However, this idea we construct about ourselves is hardly ever an
accurate one as we still have a lot of ingrained self-limiting beliefs and
acquired values that don't quite represent who we truly are inside.

Remember that we all tend to mold our way of thinking and acting
according to what is socially acceptable and hide or deny those parts of
ourselves that we deem to be flawed or unacceptable.

Do you recall that traditional Taoist symbol of yin and yang? That ancient
symbol is a representation of the balance that needs to exist between the
opposites. Yang represents the light while yin represents our shadowy side.

The whole issue, though, is that we usually don't accept our opposites, and
instead of seeing these opposing forces as complementary, we tend to
shame them, which will contradict our true nature.

Just take as an example in our modern society how we tend to valorize the
supposed masculine traits of autonomy, of conquering the unknown, of
having numerous achievements and accolades, but we deem as not so noble
to seek a slower pace of life, to accumulate less, and to seek harmony. The
latter are stereotypically feminine traits.

Can you imagine what it would be like if instead of favoring one over the
other, we just decided to integrate all principles into this modern world
without taking gender into account? We would live much more in alignment
with who we truly are, and our individuation process would be much more
accurate and authentic.

We, as a species, aren't very good at dealing with the duality that resides in
all of us. If you stop for a while to pay close attention to our universe, you
are going to notice that we live in a dualistic world.

Denying the opposites within us doesn't eliminate them, but instead, only
makes them stronger and more evident. That's exactly how we start
projecting our shadows onto others. When we deny aspects of our own
existence, we end up enforcing our delusions and are bound to self-
deception.

Besides this common battle between “masculine” and “feminine” principles

within us, Jung also believed that there were other internal conflicts
constantly happening in our psyche such as the eternal battle between our
instincts and our reasoning, and the fight between good and evil inside our
minds.

According to Jung's beliefs, at any given moment, when we favor our

reasoning over our instincts or our intuition, when we put mind over body,
and when we favor science over nature by denying nature's natural flow, we
are bound to dissociate from a crucial part of what we truly are.

This tendency to pursue the good in all of us by avoiding or eliminating

what we consider evil contradicts duality, and something crucial everyone
forgets, though, is that Good and Evil are all part of the human experience,
thus it’s all one and exists in all of us.

We are all dual beings. There isn't night without day and there aren't good
days without bad days. How else would you know that you're having a good
day if you had never had a bad one? How would you know that you are
genuinely happy if you had never been sad before?

That's why during shadow work, it's so important to become aware and
integrate all parts of our personality, those parts we like and those parts of
ourselves we dislike. That's what becoming a complete human being is.

Why did Jung call this process “individuation”?

During this whole process of self-development, we become “in-dividual”

and learn to embrace our uniqueness and see it as gifts rather than
imperfections.

The Three Phases of the Individuation Process

It's a fact that the individuation process will vary from person to person,
however, according to Carl Jung (1940), there are three of those archetypes
we discussed earlier that can be used to describe the three phases we all go
through during our psychological development.

Phase 1: The Shadow

The Shadow archetype, as we previously detailed in Chapter 3, represents

all those personality characteristics we have, but that we are either not
aware of or tend to ignore and deny.

In this first phase, we all go through a discovery period in which we get to

know our shadows, bring them into consciousness, and then integrate them
into our personality.
Phase 2: The Anima/Animus

The anima corresponds to those feminine aspects and principles within a

man’s personality, and the animus would be the masculine aspects in a
woman's.

Remember the existing duality within all of us? The Anima/Animus

archetypes are genuine ways that the universe connects each one of us to
that collective unconscious Jung believed to exist.

These two archetypes represent the opposites all of us have within

ourselves. There will be moments in life to embrace our “masculine”
aspects of restless hustling to achieve a desired outcome as well as there
will be days to go into solitude to readjust, reevaluate, and recharge. There
will be situations where we will be required to speak up and stand up for
what we believe in, but there will also be moments to step back and replan
our strategies.

Phase 3: The Self

The Self is the archetype that represents our most authentic version, our
wholeness. Unlike our ego, the Self is that version of ours that isn’t focused
on proving ourselves to the world, but one cannot exist without the other
unless you are a Buddhist monk who has proved otherwise.

In this process of unifying the self and the ego in an harmonious way, Jung
categorized us all according to certain personality traits, but at the same
time, he knew that there were to be exceptions as he understood that the
human psyche is complex and nuanced.

He then categorized us into introverts and extroverts. Extroverts make up

the majority of people and they draw energy from others in their
environment. They recharge by interacting with others and this human
interaction is fundamental for their happiness and well being.
The introverts, on the other hand, are a smaller percentage of people who
prioritize the inner world. They recharge their energy by going into solitude
and turning inward to find the answers for their doubts and life issues.

By classifying humans in extroverts and introverts, Jung once more proved

that there is an existing duality in this universe and concluded that each one
of us will be drawn to one of these two approaches to life.

Also, besides this tendency to introversion or extroversion, Jung observed

that some of us tend to see life in a more rational way, favoring thoughts
and the mind, and others will follow their feelings, their intuition, and be
more connected to their body’s sensations. So, he created four distinct
categories: the thinking types, the feeling types, the sensing types, and the
intuiting types.

It’s because we give ourselves the chance to start this process of becoming
whole that we will be able to achieve a more positive mental health,
become more confident in our own skin, and live in complete alignment
with our true nature.

Going further in the next chapters, then, you will begin to gradually
uncover these hidden parts of yourself as you will dive deep into the
practical exercises with shadow work.
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 PART III

THE SHADOW EXERCISES

OceanofPDF.com
 6

EXERCISE 1: SHADOW WORK MEDITATION

Enlightenment doesn’t occur from sitting around visualizing

images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the
Self into the conscious personality.
— CARL JUNG

Now that you have already gathered some of the most important
information on shadow work and on Carl Jung’s theories, let’s dive deep
into the practical exercises so that you can start uncovering your shadows
for real.

Remember that when our external world is all messed up and we only see
chaos all around? It’s because it’s about time to notice your inner world and
reconnect with all those neglected parts of your soul.

This first exercise is all about turning inward and really paying attention to
what messages your body and mind have been trying to communicate to
you.

Meditation is, by far, that one method that requires you an unapologetic
commitment to your own healing as you will need to sit in silence and
contemplate everything that’s going on in your soul.
Going further in this chapter, you will be introduced to some of the
misconceptions around meditation as well as to some important steps and
tips you need to focus on during your practice such as:

Tip #1: Always remember that you can make a choice between learning to
regulate your own nervous system or neglecting your own needs.

Tip #2: Learning to regulate your nervous system includes finding out about
what your stable anchors are. I am guiding you through some techniques
you can use to understand if your stable anchors are internal anchors or
external ones.

Tip #3: One of these techniques is to learn how to use your five senses as
your internal anchor. You will learn how to use your breath, your body, and
your own thoughts and feelings as a way of calming yourself down.

Tip #4: Familiarize yourself with yourself through a regular meditation

practice so that you can strengthen your emotional resilience.

Tip #5: Focus on your own body’s rhythm and learn to respect your own
needs as a way to reach inner peace and happiness.

WHAT MEDITATION IS REALLY ABOUT AND HOW TO MEDITATE

Many people associate meditation with relaxation. While having a regular

meditative practice is the new wonder pill against anxiety, it can also put us
in contact with our Shadow. Let’s take a look at Dr. Rashmi Bismark’s
experience with shadow work meditation.

Dr. Rashmi had diligently practiced meditation since her youth. Despite
this, she hadn’t done any formal shadow work until she went on a
meditative retreat. Her motivation was purely spiritual. Yet, moments into
her second day, her shadow bellowed in her head. Her father was gone.
Crying, Rashmi hopelessly grasped at the void, knowing any amount of
metaphorical or physical movement would bring her father back. He would
have loved this retreat, she thought to herself.

Her grief posed a grim fear. The terror of being haunted for the rest of the
retreat, forced to bash her head into the same pain. Maybe, if she was lucky,
acceptance would release her before schedule. This flood of stimuli only
frustrated her, adding to the displeasure. She’d practiced for decades, and
yet, succumbed to her pain.

“Raw emotion rarely exists in a vacuum,” said Rashmi in her article. She
couldn’t have put it better: Feelings, thoughts and beliefs are all interwoven.
However, even through shadow work, these connections are evidenced. For
example, you may feel rage, sadness, or jealousy while meditating. When
these emotions inevitably show up, it’s good to acknowledge them and look
at their cause (Bismark, 2018).

How can we reframe the past and help heal our shadow from the neglect we
have shown it?

In this chapter, I am guiding you along the first of the three practical
exercises we are using so that you can start your shadow work journey
toward healing your emotional wounds, childhood traumas, and potential
fears you may experience.

Before diving into shadow meditation itself, let’s expand a bit on what
shadow work meditation is and how practicing it can benefit you.

It’s a known fact that meditation alone can be an easy way to tap into our
spirituality. However, what many people don’t realize is that a regular
meditation practice is one of the most effective ways of tapping into our full
potential as human beings because it allows us to look within and reconnect
with our truest self.
Shadow work meditation, then, can help you heal your emotional wounds,
but also strengthen your emotional resilience among other benefits that
include:

making you feel whole

calming your mind
helping you develop compassion
increasing your self-respect
boosting your confidence
increasing your self-esteem
allowing you to tap into your intuitive self
healing your inner child
connecting you with your life’s purpose
awakening your manifestation powers

Whether you are just starting out with a meditation practice or are an
experienced meditator, it's super important to keep in mind that the idea that
your meditation session will always be a blissed-out relaxation moment is a
common misconception that many people have.

Strong and difficult emotions, feelings of discomfort, and uncomfortable

and oftentimes disturbing thought patterns can also arise during your
practice for many different reasons and in many different forms.

Another misconception is that you need to meditate for long periods of time
to be able to feel the benefits of a meditation practice. The truth is that even
if you decide to meditate for just 10 minutes a day, you will feel both the
relaxing and peaceful effects of it and all the overwhelming and
uncomfortable emotions that can arise with it.

So, don't get frustrated when all those natural deep-set feelings manifest.
That's exactly what's expected during shadow work meditation.
Sometimes, those unwanted and strong feelings that you experience during
your meditation practice can be a result of current situations you are going
through in your life, but oftentimes, they can be related to unprocessed and
deeply rooted emotions from your past. In reality, those emotions had never
left you, but rather, were just dormant and a little forgotten there in the back
of your mind.

You can be sure that while you are quietly sitting on your mat and focusing
on your breath, a lot of different thoughts, old memories, judgments,
insights and brilliant ideas, and even assumptions can and will arise even
during those 10 minutes. Any of this can trigger a myriad of responses out
of your body that can span a range of different emotions.

In the beginning of your practice, if you aren't familiar with the way your
body responds to all that, it may be easy to give in to anxiety and
sometimes, these overwhelming thoughts can spiral towards significant
distress, but as you keep with your practice, you gain more knowledge
about your own body and mind. Over time, you learn how to ground
yourself and how to regulate your nervous system.

This is one of the reasons why meditation is so crucial for anyone trying to
heal from certain mental health issues like anxiety, depression, panic
attacks, and even from some sleep-related issues such as insomnia.

Have you ever heard of our body-mind fight-flight-freeze response?

That's our body and mind's natural way of responding to emotional

dysregulation. Our mind is wired to respond to it in three distinct ways.

The fight and flight response happens when our brain reacts to extreme
stress releasing certain chemicals in our body that causes a hyperarousal
state in the body with sensations of agitation, anxiety, and anger. If the
stressful situations get too frequent and overwhelming, though, anxiety and
panic attacks can happen.

Then, there's the freeze response in which our mind disconnects and we
tend to numb ourselves, get emotionless, apathetic, and if we surrender to
our mind's freeze response for long periods of time, then we can even
develop depression and other mental health issues.

Another great benefit of a regular meditation practice is to learn how to

ground ourselves by anchoring onto one focal point of attention.

Through meditation, we have the power to teach our body to calm down
while using our own breath or any other physical sensation to ground
ourselves in the present moment. For instance, we can teach our brain to
focus on a particular physical sensation such as the soothing feeling of our
feet touching the soil or the feeling of the smooth sand through our toes. We
can then use this comforting sensation to calm down our nervous system.
This is the power of mindfulness teaching us how to ground and calm down
using the resources all of us have access for free- our own breath and body
and the healing effect of nature.

It seems almost like magic, but we all can learn how to calm our nervous
system using simple techniques such as focusing on the buzzing sound a
coffee machine makes, the calming sound of rain falling, walking through
dry tree leaves during walking meditation, listening to recorded ASMR
sounds, and most importantly, learning to focus on the sound of our own
breathing.

All these simple but effective techniques have two important elements in
common:

1. They reestablish our connection with our own presence and with
our inner self.
 2. They allow you to ground in the present moment through your five
senses and focusing on the environment around you.

You can start using these external anchors by using a mindfulness method
called “the five senses” in which you will focus on details about five things
you can see in the environment around you, four things you can hear, three
things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

Meditation isn't just a tool used to reduce stress and feel calmer. It is also
one of the most effective ways to reach your soul and put yourself back on
track and aligned not only with your own body and mind, but also with your
most authentic self, your life's purpose, and your overall well-being and
happiness.

There's one single situation, though, in which you won't be able to calm
down or ground by using your own body's sensations. That is when you are
already way too overwhelmed, feeling angry, or too worried. When your
body is overflowing with all kinds of emotions all together, it's best if,
before going into meditation, you engage in an activity that will tire your
body and release all those pent-up emotions. Activities such as a heavy
workout, a kickboxing class, or crying your eyes out and punching your
pillow can help you release the excess of stress and will allow you to be
more prepared to focus on your meditation.

An alternative to this external anchoring through your senses is to try to

calm yourself down by bringing to memory something or someone that
makes you feel safe and loved. When we all feel unsafe and in need of
some instant relief, it's a natural instinct to think about someone we deeply
love and who usually encourages and comforts us.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, and
breathe out slowly through your mouth. If necessary, repeat this
 breathing pattern one more time.
Then, keeping your eyes closed, bring to memory a person, a place,
or something else that makes you feel truly and completely
peaceful, loved, and safe.
Maybe you will picture a great friend of yours, a sweet and cute
pet you have, your favorite beach spot, or you may even bring to
memory a special moment you experienced in your past that you
cherish a lot.
Whatever you focus on, keep the image in your mind and feel the
image in your heart.
What does it feel to be there with that person, in that place,
revisiting that moment?
Focus on the sensations in your body. What are you feeling right
now?
Can you feel all the warmth, love, and safety as if it were real and
happening in the here and now?
Feel the sensations in your body and try to pinpoint where in your
body you can feel all that. Is it in your heart? Is it in your head? In
your stomach? It may even be that you feel goosebumps all over
your body.
Keep your eyes closed and allow yourself to feel those beautiful
emotions. Feel the love. Feel the support. Feel the peace. You are
safe. You are calm. You are back to yourself.

The more you practice meditation, the more familiar you become with
yourself and your body's ability to calm down.

Meditation is one great tool you can use to learn how to tap into your inner
strengths, reach emotional resiliency, befriend yourself, and heal.
Something that we need to be careful about, though, is to not use meditation
as a form of escape. With practice and time, you will learn how to bring in
feelings of incredible peace, joy, and even awe. However, you can't use
these feelings and meditation itself to avoid possible challenges and
difficult situations you may be going through in life.

Self-regulation is a valuable resource to be learned, and it's meant to be

used as a way to increase your capacity to live a more intentional,
purposeful, mindful, and wholesome life.

Learning to self-regulate is also crucial during your whole shadow work

journey. You will find it much easier to deal with the many overwhelming
emotions when you feel confident about your own body's responses to
stressful situations.

Real shadow work goes beyond uncovering self-limiting beliefs and

childhood traumas. Real shadow work is reaching a point of knowing what
to do with all that new information. It's all about processing those emotions
and incorporating them into your conscious mind. It's making use of all
those uncomfortable and somewhat inconvenient feelings to learn how to
make better, more assertive, and empowered decisions in life.

Real shadow work is reaching to the root cause of all your emotional
wounds, not to use them as an excuse for your suffering, but rather, as a
springboard to your growth.

The Shadow Meditation

Did you know that there are more than 25 different types of meditation that
you can practice?

One of the most traditional methods out there is called Vipassana

meditation which can also be called Insight Meditation. Vipassana
meditation is all about learning to be the observer of all your thoughts
without engaging in them, but rather learning to let them pass and go
(Nunez, 2021).

The same approach applies to any distractions that you may notice
throughout your practice. As you let them all go as soon as they come, you
will be able to focus all your attention on your breath alone during the
exercise.

Vipassana, however, is just one among many other types of meditation that
you can choose to implement during your shadow work journey.

It’s important to highlight, though, that despite meditation being seen as an

easy and blissful practice on the surface, diving deep into shadow work
meditation can prove itself to be a challenging task for beginners and
veterans alike due to the possible overwhelming emotions that may arise
during the practice.

That’s why guided shadow meditations are recommended, especially in the

very beginning of your practice. Then, you don’t risk getting confused or
distracted by so many feelings coming together. During a guided meditation
you will follow the instructor’s lead and voice and will be able to focus
solely on what they are asking you to do.

In this first exercise then, I am guiding you through a guided shadow and
inner child healing meditation. If you prefer, you can also record yourself
reading the script, paying careful attention to read the sentences quite
spaced out.

To start this guided meditation, you can choose a comfortable position that
can be either sitting cross legged or lying down. You can also prepare your
environment and make it warm and cozy by spreading some soft cushions
around you, lighting your favorite scented candles, and choosing the
appropriate healing crystals and keeping them next to you as a way of
expanding the positive energy in the room. Calming and relaxing
meditation music in the background can help you be in the right mood as
well.

Then, to start relaxing your whole body, you can take a deep breath
in through your nose, hold it for five seconds, and breathe out nice
and long through your mouth.
You will keep doing the following breathing exercise and repeat it
three times. Breathe in deeply to the count of four, hold your breath
to the count of three, and then release the air to the count of five.
Notice if you start feeling a bit more relaxed and then, to make
sure you release all the tension in your body, you will practice an
exercise called body scan.
Close your eyes and carefully pay attention to the sensations
coming from your body. First, notice if you feel any tension or
tightness in your lower body. Focus on your feet, toes, ankles,
thighs, legs, and knees.
If you notice any tension, proceed to imagine that all that tightness
and heavy energy is being released to the floor below you, and
from there, it’s vanishing into the soil. Feel all that heavy energy
melting away and allowing your body to feel lighter.
Now, you will move to the upper part of your body starting out by
your hips. Feel the area around your hips. Are there signs of
tension there? Release it as well. Then, feel your lower belly, your
belly button, your arms, hands, fingers, wrist. Allow all that
heaviness to go away.
Focus on your chest, elbows, shoulders, and neck. If you feel like
it, you can even move your neck and head making slow circular
movements to shake the stagnant energy in there.
 Always remember that if you find any sign of tension or
discomfort, you can take your time there and breathe in deeply to
let that heaviness go.
Whenever you feel tension, ask yourself, Can I feel any emotion
associated with this tightness? What may be the purpose for such
emotion to be there? Is it trying to protect me in any way? What
does this emotion remind me of?

Now, you are going to step into the next phase of this meditation.

Keep your eyes closed, and focus on any particular discomfort or

tension you may be feeling in any part of your body.
Then, you will travel back in time to your past and try to identify
when this same discomfort or tension first came up.

Try to bring to memory a particular moment in your life when you

experienced this exact discomfort for the first time. What specific part of
your body stored that discomfort?

As you try to recollect this moment in time, capture the first

memory that comes to mind. It may even be that instead of a
particular memory, a word comes to your mind. Keep it with you
as well as any situation that pops up related to when you were
younger.

How old were you at the time? What exactly happened then? What are the
sensations associated with this memory?

Breathe in deeply now, and take your time watching and observing
your younger self and that whole situation.
 Allow yourself to feel and relive whatever happened at the time.
Then, you will change the scenario and picture your older self
approaching your younger self and standing by their side.
Again, take your own time to observe this scene and allow yourself
to feel the situation.
When you feel ready, you are going to hold your younger self and
tell yourself that everything is ok, that it’s ok to just be yourself, be
imperfect, be real and authentic.
Keep telling your younger self that you are loved, you are safe, and
you are not alone.
Give your younger self all the love you wish to have received years
back.

Now, let’s focus a bit more on your younger self and recollect that
particular discomfort or even pain that you felt years back for the first time.

Do you remember if your younger self pushed anything away to

deal with that particular sensation/discomfort/pain?
Can you identify any sets of behavior/ protection mechanisms you
developed to deal with that feeling?

Keep your eyes closed and reflect on this for a while.

What repetitive patterns can you identify related to that particular

uncomfortable sensation? Notice your reaction to the patterns you
identify. What’s your relationship with the negative patterns you
might have learned? Is there guilt around it?

Just sit for a while with these memories and realizations.

 Now, slowly, feel yourself coming back to the present moment in
time and space, and feel yourself fully back in your body.

Open your eyes, grab a notebook or a journal and write down everything
related to this experience, what you are currently feeling about it, what your
body is telling you about that/those uncomfortable sensations, and what
ideas or insights come to your mind. Don’t overthink the situation, just
write down anything that pops up in your mind related to it.

How are you feeling right now?

This shadow and inner child healing meditation can be done at any time and
as often as you feel like it. Keep in mind that every single time you engage
in it, it will be different and different emotions and sensations will come to
surface. Take notes of whatever comes up at all times.
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 7

EXERCISE 2: SHADOW WORK JOURNALING

You must go in quest of yourself, and you will find yourself

again only in the simple and forgotten things.
— CARL JUNG

Journaling about your feelings and thoughts is a great technique that can
give you clarity, no matter how confused or overwhelmed you may be.
However, some people find themselves stuck without knowing how or
where to start.

That's precisely when journal prompts come at handy. When we feel

overwhelmed, our emotions can cloud our judgment, so relying on a set of
specific prompts and questions that are designed to channel your thoughts
and feelings in a particular direction is our best option to prevent our mind
from going blank.

Tackling your emotions and your shadows through journaling will not only
guide you in the right direction towards healing, but will also help you
soothe the heaviness of what you may uncover about yourself during the
healing process.
While writing down about your feelings and thoughts, you may be
reminded of memories and situations that can raise some unwanted and
uncomfortable emotions. However, getting them all out onto paper will
benefit you in ways you cannot even imagine.

These journal prompts, which usually come in the form of intriguing and
insightful questions, are immensely helpful because they lead you to the
core of all your emotional wounds, which in turn, make it much easier for
you to reach insights and come up with solutions for your problems.

Remember: The more you avoid the difficult questions, the further you are
from uncovering your shadows and the more difficult it is for you to make
peace with your emotional wounds.

The best thing you can do for yourself, if you are serious about healing and
living a happier and more wholesome life, is to bring all your emotional
issues out in the open and deal with them.

Because of the delicate nature of shadow work, some people find it much
more efficient to pair up shadow work journaling with some traditional
therapy. Some others will practice shadow work journaling as a means of
reaching their spirituality, while many will use it to keep track of their
progress throughout the shadow work period as they will have a written
record of all their ups and downs along the way.

No matter which techniques you choose or what your goal is, getting into
shadow work journaling is an excellent way to get to your subconscious
mind and to those parts of your personality that you may have been
ignoring or running away from.

Something important to keep in mind is that the following questions and

prompts will require you to be vulnerable and will shake your belief system
in a way that you will start questioning all of it. Don’t skip this crucial part
as it’s the foundation of your healing process.

The best approach to the following journaling practice is to take your time
and answer them being as honest as possible. You will most likely need to
cover these prompts and questions slowly, so try to choose a set of three to
five questions at a time and focus completely on reflecting about them for a
while before writing down your answers.

It’s recommended that you adopt a journal of your choice as the whole point
of this reflection exercise is getting to insights and different perspectives of
your life situation. After you answer a particular set of chosen questions,
give yourself some time to reflect on your answers and write down any
idea, insight, or aha moment that may come to you.

It’s helpful to revisit your answers and insights from time to time so that
you can evaluate if the ideas and insights you came up with still make sense
to you and check if you can come up with different ones on the topic at
hand.

Prompt #1: Recall your childhood and bring to memory a moment when
you felt neglected. How did you react?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Do you think the situation you mentioned above has impacted your adult
life somehow? How?

✎…
✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #2: Now, recall any moment someone betrayed you. If you had the
chance to meet this person today, what would you tell them?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #3: Write about a time you felt let down by someone you’d
previously looked up to.

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #4: What’s one trait you see in other people that you wish you had.
Why do you not possess this characteristic yourself?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…
Prompt #5: Do you often find yourself overthinking what you’ve said or
how you’ve acted? What usually triggers this?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #6: What were your parents’/caretakers’ core values while you
were growing up?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Do you hold these values today or do you have different core values? Why
do you think you hold some values that are different from theirs?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #7: What are your core values as a human being?

✎…

✎…
✎…

✎…

What’s the most important to you and which ones are you most passionate
about?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #8: What tends to trigger envy for you? Why do you think this is?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #9: Describe how you know when you are getting overwhelmed or
stressed. How does your body usually react to stress?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #10: In what situations are you hardest on yourself? Why?

✎…
✎…

✎…

✎…

Where do you think this stems from?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Why do you think you put yourself under so much pressure? Why are you
so reluctant to be kind to yourself in these situations?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #11: Do you think others may misunderstand you at times? List
down the misconceptions you think others have about you.

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…
Prompt #12: What is your #1 trigger? Do you think your trigger is
something, someone, or a situation?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #13: Make a list of the traits you have but that you wish to
improve.

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #14: Why do you want to improve these traits you mentioned?
Have you ever been told that you needed to improve certain traits? Which
ones?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #15: Is it easy or difficult for you to forgive your own mistakes?
Explain why.

✎…
✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #16: What about forgiving people who have wronged you
somehow?

✎…

✎…

✎…

✎…

Prompt #17: List some of the beliefs and values that were important for
you in the past but aren’t important anymore in the present.

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Prompt #18: Would you say that the values and beliefs you hold today
define you? How do they influence your daily life?

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Prompt #19: How often do you feel defensive? What makes you feel
defensive? Do you consider this a positive or a negative trait? Why?

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Prompt #20: What image of yourself do you try to show to the world?
What does this image represent?

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Prompt #21: What makes you feel good about yourself?

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Prompt #22: What about things or situations that make you feel inferior,
superior, or equal to others?

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Prompt #23: How do you feel about each of the situations you have just
mentioned? Are you comfortable with them?

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Prompt #24: Have you ever lied to yourself? What lies have you told
yourself and why?

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Prompt #25: What is your definition of failure and how do you tend to
react when you fail?

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Prompt #26: What have you already learned from your failures and
mistakes?
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Prompt #27: Have you ever experienced nightmares or recurring dreams?

About what? What do you think is behind these nightmares and dreams?

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Prompt #28: What scares you the most? Do you know the reason behind
these fears?

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Prompt #29: Make a list of all the negative emotions you have experienced
lately. What happened and what triggered those emotions?

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Prompt #30: Is there any negative emotion that you always try to avoid?
Why?

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Prompt #31: What do you think will happen if you allow yourself to feel
these negative emotions you avoid?

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Prompt #32: Recall the last time you dealt with some overwhelming
emotions. How did you deal with them? Explain what happened.

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Prompt #33: Do you find it difficult to live a happy and fulfilling life?
Why?

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Prompt #34: What is preventing you from living a life you love and feel
proud of?

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Prompt #35: Do you tend to have problems falling asleep at night? Why?

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Prompt #36: What are the possible reasons for your difficulty in sleeping
well?

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Prompt #37: How do you usually react when you feel angry?
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Prompt #38: Based on your previous answer, is the way you express your
anger different or similar to the way your parents behaved?

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Prompt #39: What behaviors or habits do you have that may be a sign you
sabotage yourself?

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Prompt #40: Why do you think you engage in such behaviors?

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Prompt #41: Bring to memory the last time you received a compliment.
How well did you receive it? Did you feel embarrassed? If yes, explain why
you felt embarrassed.

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Prompt #42: Recall a time you had problems forgiving yourself. What
happened and why do you think you can't forgive yourself?

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Prompt #43: Do you think you hold grudges toward someone? If yes, who
was this person and what happened?

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Prompt #44: Recall a situation in which you felt betrayed or hurt. What
happened? Did you forgive the person who hurt you ? Why or why not?

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Prompt #45: Do you have any positive traits that you believe to be ignored
or unacknowledged?

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Prompt #46: Why do you think people don't acknowledge or recognize this
particular trait in you?

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Prompt #47: How do you deal with this situation? Would you like people
to acknowledge your positive traits?

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Prompt #48: Is there any personality trait in you that you would like to
change? Why?

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Prompt #49: Is there any trait you envy in others? Why?

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Prompt #50: How do you handle criticism? Do you tend to take it

personally or are you able to take it in a positive and constructive way?

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Prompt #51: Do you usually trust your own feelings about situations in
life, or do you prefer to listen to other people's opinions first and then make
a decision?

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Prompt #52: How easy or difficult is it for you to make your voice heard?
Why?

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Prompt #53: How do you usually react when you feel you aren't being
heard?

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Prompt #54: How important is it for you to be heard and seen? Why?

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Prompt #55: What do you consider to be your biggest challenge in life at

the moment? Why?
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Prompt #56: How would you feel if you weren't able to overcome this
particular challenge? How would it influence the current situation in your
life?

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Prompt #57: What would be one thing missing in your life right now that if
you had it, it would make everything else easier? Why?

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Prompt #58: What do you think about your current life situation?

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Prompt #59: How do you feel about yourself today compared to who you
were ten years ago?

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Prompt #60: What have you overcome in the last ten years that makes you
feel proud of yourself?

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OceanofPDF.com
 8

EXERCISE 3: SHADOW WORK INNER

CONVERSATION

Have you ever taken some time to analyze the quality of your self-talk? Is it
encouraging and empowering or shameful and demeaning?

Your internal dialogue is made up of a combination of all your running

thoughts and the way you speak to yourself.

Think about that little voice in your head and be honest with yourself:

What kind of sentences do you keep hearing from it?

Does your inner voice keep echoing mean comments about you
and your life? Does it usually support and encourage you on
whatever you wish to do?

This internal dialogue is commonly referred to as your self-talk, and it runs

non-stop in your mind. As we have seen in Chapter 5, our personality types
vary, and some of us are inclined to pay more attention to this inner voice
than others.

There are some people who apply more logic and reasoning to their self-
talk, so they will be more skilled at either overcoming their negative self-
talk or self-sabotaging. Also, there are those among us who are more driven
by emotions, and consequently will end up having these thoughts clouded
by any strong emotion and feeling.

It’s easy to conclude, then, that our inner conversation can and will affect
not only our perception of the world around us, but also our self-
confidence, self-esteem, and decision-making.

Contrary to popular belief, though, we aren’t doomed to be slaves of our

own inner voice. You have the power to shift the way you speak to yourself
and transform an unhelpful internal dialogue into a helpful and empowering
one. The first step toward that is to identify the quality of your self-talk
through self-discovery and journaling.

For instance:

If you are inclined to belittle yourself while you self-talk, you

automatically create a vicious cycle of self-doubt, shaming, and
blaming that only makes you gradually feel less and less confident
about yourself.
Just as thinking about someone you deeply love makes you feel
happy, continuously having negative thoughts and revisiting
negative memories will make you feel sad and will negatively
affect your mood.
The more happy memories you recall, the happier you will feel.

Learning to guide your self-talk toward a more positive and empowering

internal dialogue is crucial for both your mental well-being and your own
success in life. However, before being able to do that, you need to become
aware of your self-talk in the first place.

BECOMING AWARE OF THE QUALITY OF YOUR SELF-TALK

Depending on your personality type, on your level of self-awareness, and
the point you are in your personal development and shadow work journey,
you may or may not already be very aware of the quality of our internal
dialogue.

If, for you, it’s a bit hard to tune in and catch yourself having these inner
conversations, it’s a great idea to start meditating as the practice teaches you
to slow down and reconnect with your inner self. By meditating, you will
learn how to observe your own thoughts and pay attention to how your
thoughts are linked to the way you feel and react.

Some of the things you need to start paying close attention to when it comes
to your inner dialogue include becoming aware of where your internal
dialogue takes you whenever you catch yourself daydreaming or when you
catch your mind wandering.

That alone can give you solid insights on what is bothering you at
any given moment.
You will have ways of knowing whether you tend to think
positively or negatively.
You will also get to know if your mind tends to get stuck
wondering about your present, past, or future.
You will get to know your biggest motivations in life.

Changing Your Inner Dialogue

One of the first things you will have to learn while observing your inner
conversation is to be patient and compassionate toward yourself without
giving in to your tendency to use your excuses to run away from growth.

Being an overthinker myself, I know first hand how easy it can be to fall for
the thousands of excuses our minds create.
As you learn to observe your thinking patterns and the corresponding
feelings that lead to unwanted reactions, you will then be able to start
choosing what patterns you need and want to change.

I will list some of the techniques and approaches you can use to start
rewiring your brain and shifting to a more encouraging self-talk.

Train your brain and rewire it to think more positively.

Because our brain is naturally wired to something called “negativity bias'',

it's pretty easy to fall into the trap of continually beating yourself up and
criticizing yourself all the time. That's why it's essential to train your brain
by practicing an exercise called “Reverse Thinking”.

Try this exercise:

Whenever you catch yourself thinking something negative, consciously

make a decision to think about the complete opposite.

Put some effort into it and be as specific as possible. How would the
opposite situation look and feel and how would the opposite situation make
you act differently? Pay attention to how this new situation impacts you and
makes you feel.

For instance, instead of ruminating about something you did wrong, focus
on thinking about what you will do differently if this same situation is to
repeat itself in the future. Reflect about what you have just learned and
redirect your thoughts to what you did well instead.

Focus on living in the present moment

If your inner conversation often tends to ruminate about the past, always
wondering about what might have been, or if you are an anxious person,
always worried about the future and the things that might happen. It will be
immensely helpful to start practicing some mindfulness-related techniques.

Mindfulness can both quiet your self-talk a little, and also helps you to
concentrate on and appreciate what is happening around you at this very
moment.

Shift your perspective from lack to abundance by feeling grateful

for every single thing you have achieved in your life and are
currently experiencing.

A great way to redirect your thoughts and take it to a desired path,

especially to prevent yourself from getting trapped in the what ifs of life or
even in that famous coulda/shoulda/gotta mode, is to think about all the
things you currently have in your life and that you may be taking for
granted. This shift in your mindset can and will help you to look at things
from a different perspective and be more positive. You will be looking for
the good in your life instead of focusing on what’s lacking.

The following ten-step strategy, besides being a summary of all the points
we discussed throughout the book, is also crucial for you to strengthen and
empower your self-talk and be able to practice a healthy shadow work inner
conversation.

Step 1: Practice your shadow work from a conscious perspective.

As we have highlighted from the starting point of this book, your shadows
are initially hidden in your subconscious mind and gradually come to
surface and to your awareness through shadow work. It's up to you to take
your healing process seriously and uncover each of your shadows or keep
them unnoticed and hidden.

Step 2: Identify your hidden shadows.

By deciding to uncover, embrace, and integrate your shadows, you embark
in a quest for life as the inner work is continuous and full of ups and downs.
Your healing journey doesn't have a finish line. It is an ongoing process.

Step 3: Create your inner conversation.

The more you peel the layers of your subconscious mind, the more
unhealthy patterns you uncover and the more mindful of your self-talk you
need to be.

It's always a great idea to consciously decide what kind of inner

conversation you want for yourself. If your current self-talk is full of doubt
and insecurities, you will need to train your brain into a more supportive
and encouraging language. You can do that by practicing meditation
regularly, adopting mantras in your life, practicing positive and empowering
affirmations, and consciously redirecting your thoughts whenever you catch
yourself belittling yourself or catastrophizing.

Step 4: Consider the mirror technique.

One of the most effective and beautiful practices brought to mainstream

personal development by the late author and speaker Louise Hay is the
well-known mirror technique.

In this technique, you make use of affirmations in your choice to rewire

your brain and retrain your thinking patterns while looking straight at your
eyes reflected in the mirror. Louise Hay (1984) introduced this method to
all of her inner child and shadow work healing techniques because she
deeply believed that the more self-love we pour into our lives, the faster our
healing will happen.

Step 5: Tell your inner self that there’s always a bright side.
This is a fundamental aspect of shadow work healing techniques as we all
tend to catastrophic thinking patterns. Our mind is naturally wired to
perceive danger, threats, and negative situations, so we do have to instill
great doses of intentionality to our healing practices.

Step 6: Understand the difference between states of unconsciousness and

consciousness.

Remember the autopilot mode that governs our routine decision-making?

The more you uncover your shadow aspects, the more you need to pay
close attention to those unconscious reactions and bring them into your
consciousness.

Step 7: Pay attention to your emotions.

Your emotions are energy in motion and they are great indicators of what's
really happening on an unconscious level.

Important to highlight here that contrary to what most people think, it's your
thoughts that create your feelings and not the other way around.

Step 8: Evaluate your shadow

Shadow work will not be as useful if you only uncover your shadows, but
don’t take the time and effort to understand and evaluate them. Discovering
your shadow self is just the initial stage of all the shadow work journey.

The next fundamental step is to seriously look at your shadow traits and
characteristics and analyze whether they are to be fully incorporated,
nurtured, and enhanced or if they are to be shifted for the betterment of your
human experience.

Step 9: Go deeper with your inner work.

As we have already discussed, your healing journey is for life.

Step 10: Nurture your inner child.

Turning to your inner child and identifying what emotional wounds are
impacting your present life is a fundamental part of shadow work. We can
even say that there can't be shadow work if there isn't inner child healing
incorporated into it.

In the same way that there isn't shadow work if inner child healing isn't
present, there can't be shadow work without self-reflection.

Turning inward and reflecting on our choices, actions and reactions,

repetitive thinking patterns, addictions, coping mechanism choices, and
even maladaptive patterns are all important aspects of your self-healing
journey.

That's why, in this final chapter of The Hidden Powers of Shadow Work, I
prepared a bonus set of journaling prompts and questions that you can use
to dive even deeper into your subconscious mind.
OceanofPDF.com
 9

BONUS: SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

Prompt #1: How do you think people see you?

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Prompt #2: Nobody enjoys feeling hurt, angry, rejected, betrayed, jealous,
etc. So, what is the very worst emotion that you personally experience?
Why?

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Where do you think that comes from?

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Prompt #3: What are some of the things that make you feel judgemental
towards yourself or others?

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Prompt #4: When was the last time you felt let down?

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Prompt #5: What are healthy boundaries for you? Name some healthy
boundaries in your relationships.

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Prompt #6: Is there anything that people usually don’t understand about
you?

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Prompt #7: Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness in any phase of
your life?

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Prompt #8: What do you usually do to feel better from that emptiness?

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Prompt #9: Describe your perception of freedom and explain how

important it is in your life.

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Prompt #10: What, in your life, gives you the most purpose?

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Prompt #11: What makes you feel most valued?

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Prompt #12: What would you most like to be recognized for?

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Prompt #13: Do you consider yourself to be confrontational? Why?

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Prompt #14: Is this something you’re proud of or would you prefer to be

different?

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Prompt #15: Have you ever had to walk away from someone? Why do you
think walking away was the best choice for you?

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Prompt #16: Describe yourself with objectivity.

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Prompt #17: How easy was it to describe yourself? What do you feel about
yourself?
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Prompt #18: What person has hurt you the most in your life? What did
they do to you that hurt you so much?

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Prompt #19: What frightens you most in life?

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Prompt #20: What misconception do you think people have about you?

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Prompt #21: Do you generally feel less than, better than, or equal to
others? Explore this.

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Prompt #22: What memories in your life bring you shame?

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Prompt #23: Which traits would you least wish to be described as having?
Why?

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Prompt #24: What is your definition of failure?

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Prompt #25: Has anyone in your life already tried to minimize the
importance of your emotions?

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Prompt #26: Think about unhealthy relationships you have already had in
your life or you may currently have. Why do you consider this relationship
unhealthy?

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Prompt #27: What emotions tend to bring out the worst in you? Why do
you think that is?

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Prompt #28: When have you been self-sabotaging or destructive in your

life? What kind of behaviors did you engage in?
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Prompt #29: Do you think you tend to wear a mask or act in a not so
natural way sometimes? In what situations or with whom?

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Prompt #30: Describe some of the traits in you that you consider negative
traits.

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Prompt #31: Make a list of people in your life that make you feel good
when you are around them. What exactly in the relationship makes you feel
good?

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✎…

There you have it, a comprehensive and detailed approach on becoming a

master in shadow work and learning to integrate all parts of your being into
your most authentic self.

The Hidden Powers of Shadow Work isn't just a book, but rather an
extensive guide you can revisit whenever you feel yourself stuck in a rut
and craving for real transformation in your life.

The question that remains is: What important small step or technique
presented in this book will you choose to put into practice today so that
your shadow work journey can actually start?
OceanofPDF.com
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