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MANAGING YOUR MIND
MANAGING
YOUR MIND
The Mental Fitness Guide
THIRD EDITION
1
1
Oxford University Press is a department of the University of Oxford. It furthers
the University’s objective of excellence in research, scholarship, and education
by publishing worldwide. Oxford is a registered trade mark of Oxford University
Press in the UK and certain other countries.
Published in the United States of America by Oxford University Press
198 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016, United States of America.
© Gillian Butler, R. A. Hope, and Nick Grey 2018
“Happiness” from All of Us: The Collected Poems by Raymond Carver, Copyright © 1996 by Tess
Gallagher. Used by permission of Alfred A. Knopf, an imprint of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing
Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.
Extract from The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne. Text Copyright © The Trustees of the Pooh
Properties 1928. Published by Egmont UK Ltd and used with permission of Egmont UK Ltd and
Curtis Brown Group Ltd.
Extract from On Becoming a Person by Carl R. Rogers. Text Copyright © Little, Brown 2004.
Published by Little, Brown Book Group, and used with permission.
Extract from Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, translated by Ilse Lasch and published by
Rider. Reproduced by permission of The Random House Group Ltd © 2004.
Excerpt from “Burnt Norton” from Four Quartets by T. S. Eliot. Copyright © 1936 by Houghton
Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, renewed 1964 by T. S. Eliot. Reprinted by permission of
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.
First Edition published in 1995
Second Edition published in 2007
Third Edition published in 2018
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in
a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the
prior permission in writing of Oxford University Press, or as expressly permitted
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rights organization. Inquiries concerning reproduction outside the scope of the
above should be sent to the Rights Department, Oxford University Press, at the
address above.
You must not circulate this work in any other form
and you must impose this same condition on any acquirer.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Butler, Gillian, 1942– author. | Grey, Nick, 1970– author. |
Hope, R. A., author.
Title: Managing your mind / Gillian Butler, Ph.D., Nick Grey, M.A. D.Clin.Psych,
Tony Hope, M.D., Ph.D.
Description: Third edition. | New York, NY : Oxford University Press, [2018] |
Revised edition of: Managing your mind : the mental fitness guide /
Gillian Butler and Tony Hope. 2nd ed. 2007. | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2017046994 (print) | LCCN 2017052239 (ebook) |
ISBN 9780190866785 (updf) | ISBN 9780190866792 (epub) | ISBN 9780190872977
(cloth : acid-free paper) | ISBN 9780190866778 (pbk. : acid-free paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Mental health. | Self-management (Psychology) | BISAC: PSYCHOLOGY /
Clinical Psychology. | MEDICAL / Public Health.
Classification: LCC RA790 (ebook) | LCC RA790 .B83 2018 (print) |
DDC 616.89—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017046994
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Preface | ix
Online-only material | xiii
What to expect from this guide | xv
v
v i | Contents
SECTION 6 Anxiety
23. Getting the better of worry: defeating the alarmist | 437
24. Overcoming fears and avoidance: social anxiety
and phobias | 461
25. Dealing with panic | 491
INDEX | 689
Preface
It is over 20 years since the first edition of Managing Your Mind was
published, and 10 years since the second edition. In this time, we
hope we have learned from our experiences in life, from the people
we have worked with, from our friends and families, and from an
ever-growing literature on how best to ride life’s ups and downs.
We have also been fortunate to receive much wise feedback from
readers on the previous editions. This third edition of Managing
Your Mind has been a great opportunity to use this learning to build
on the earlier work, extending it into new arenas, and broadening
its scope. The emphasis now is as much on how we can all thrive
and flourish, as it is on overcoming the difficulties we all face. It
draws on the increase in research in positive psychology while
still being firmly grounded in evidence-based treatments for spe-
cific problems. In the introduction, we suggest that we need dual
metaphors for the mind and life—both that of the mechanic and
the gardener. This edition of Managing Your Mind has emphasized
more than previously the role of gardening, and how we can nur-
ture ourselves.
There are nine completely new chapters and a significant restruc-
turing of the book. The new chapters include “The value and prac-
tice of kindness,” “Increasing the chance of happiness,” “Becoming
more creative,” and “Chronic ill health.” All other chapters have
been revised in light of new learning, and some have been combined
ix
x | Preface
Relaxation
xiii
x i v | Online-only material
Stopping smoking
This book is written for people with differing aims: those who
would like to develop themselves in some way, to make the most
of their abilities, or to make changes in how they do things, or to
overcome specific difficulties. We all need psychological resources
and resilience to thrive in modern life and to survive changing
fortunes. Developing resilience is not just about overcoming
problems when they arise. It is also about laying a foundation that
provides support. It is about increasing the store of resourceful-
ness and flexibility, confidence, and strength that helps you to live
in the best and most satisfying way that you can, in line with your
personal values. There is much about the world around us that we
cannot control. How we think, how we respond, and how we act are,
however, in the end, up to us. We are, to a great extent, our minds.
Every age has its fashions, as much in uncovering the mys-
teries of the mind as in covering up the secrets of the body. The
computer has become the analogy of the moment: our minds are
software, our brains the hardware. The analogy of mind and brain
with computers has its value, of course, but it is only one of many
possible comparisons. One problem with it is that it focuses us
on thinking about the mechanical aspects of the brain. Another
comparison might suggest that the mind is like a plant. In its own
time the plant changes, grows, and, given the right conditions,
flourishes. We can influence the process through providing it
xv
x v i | What to expect from this guide
with those right conditions: the soil, water, and a good environ-
ment. The comparison with a plant reminds us that the brain,
which must to a large extent underlie the workings of the mind,
is organic. It works in part through its cells developing new
connections. It works in part through chemical reactions. And,
unlike so much of the workings of our computer or smart phone,
these processes take significant time. The comparison with a plant
also reminds us that we cannot control every aspect of the mind.
Sometimes the best we can do is to provide a nurturing environ-
ment and leave the rest to take care of itself. Different analogies
suit different situations. In this book, we recognize both the me-
chanical and the organic aspects of our minds, making use of
whatever approach is best adapted to the specific issue.
Between us, we have nearly a century’s experience of helping
people through psychologically difficult times. We are skeptical
of approaches to psychological change that advocate a single way
for all people and all situations. What we have observed is that
different people are helped by different approaches, and that most
are helped in different ways at different times in their lives. Just
as there is a danger in limiting our understanding of the mind to
the perspective of a single analogy, so there is a danger of limiting
the ways in which we help ourselves to change to a single method.
We have, therefore, structured this book so as to make it possible
to select those ideas and techniques that appeal the most to you: a
buffet from which to choose rather than a set menu.
We start with ideas that provide the context for the rest of the
book. Part I explains how each of us individually can attempt to
make sense of the complexities we experience. The assumption is
that making changes, developing yourself personally, is best done
with a certain gentleness and understanding. Accept yourself, just
as you are. Understand yourself without fear. Value yourself despite
all the reasons you might find not to do so. And, perhaps above all,
What to expect from this guide | x v i i
MAKING SENSE
1
3
4 | Pa r t I : M a k i n g s e n s e
and which are fixed, and their work has revealed much about the
processes of personal change. Applications of psychology, there-
fore, help us to control these processes, to use them to our ad-
vantage, and to recognize their limitations, in the same way as
applications of physiology help us to keep our bodies in good shape
without overstraining them. You do not have to be a physiologist to
keep physically fit, nor do you have to be a psychologist to make use
of the science of psychology.
Since the 1960s and 1970s, therapists have developed new and
effective ways of helping people with problems in living, most
of which are relatively brief forms of psychotherapy. Following
the decades after Freud, psychoanalysis was the main form of
psychological treatment, but it typically required a long and in-
tensive course of therapy, often extending over several years.
Psychoanalytic ideas have provided therapists with a rich and
fruitful source of ideas about emotional development and about
relationships but they have not been amenable to scientific con-
firmation. In this book, we focus predominantly on more recent
treatment methods, and we give most weight to those that have
been scientifically evaluated and are demonstrably effective.
These include behavioral therapies, cognitive therapies including
the “new wave” of ideas and techniques from the East, therapies
focusing on relationships, and the findings from “positive
psychology.”
Behavioral therapies
The theoretical background to behavior therapy, which developed
in striking contrast to psychoanalysis, comes from psycholog-
ical experiments on learning. It is based on what is called learning
6 | Pa r t I : M a k i n g s e n s e
theory, which now recognizes that there are many ways in which
learning takes place. The first type of learning found to have major
implications for therapy was classical conditioning, first explored
by Pavlov.
Discovering the rules of the different types of learning has
led to the development of behavior therapies, such as exposure
treatment for phobias. Learning theory suggests that a person’s
phobia, for example, can be overcome by breaking the associa-
tion between the feeling of anxiety and situations that are basi-
cally harmless, such as seeing a spider or going to a supermarket.
Research showed that an efficient way to do this is in step-by-step
stages, practicing frequently and regularly. A person who is afraid
of heights, to give another example, might start by walking up
a stairway and looking down from progressively higher points.
The next stage might be to look down from a third-floor window,
then a fourth-floor window, and so on. Depending on the severity
of the phobia, it might take days or even weeks to progress from
stage to stage. This step-by-step method is simple and effective,
but it can take a long time.
Behavioral therapies originated in learning theory but have since
developed beyond these beginnings and now use a large number of
methods for dealing with a wide variety of conditions. What they
have in common is a focus on changing behavior in very specific
ways. Behavioral methods can be used, for example, to help change
eating, smoking, or drinking habits, to build self-confidence, and to
improve time management and personal organization. Changing
behavior can lead to changes in thoughts, feelings, and sensations,
and also to changes in relationships. People who have recovered
from a phobia are likely to feel more confident, to think better of
themselves, to suffer less from the sensations of anxiety, and to re-
late more easily to others.
One of the most important contributions of behavior therapies
is their focused attention on effectiveness and practicality. This
is because they are based on specific, clear-cut, and observable
changes. A therapy with goals can be tested to see if it works, and
The scientific background: knowing what works | 7
Cognitive therapy
Cognitive therapy developed partly as a reaction against the exclu-
sive focus which behavior therapy places on behavior, and partly
as a reaction to the unscientific aspects of psychoanalysis. It is
based on the recognition that thoughts, feelings, and behavior are
closely related. If you think something is going to go wrong, you
will feel anxious and your behavior will be designed to protect you,
for example, by avoiding a situation that causes stress. If you think
everything will go fine, you will feel more confident and you will
behave in ways that express that confidence. By focusing on our
patterns of thinking and on our beliefs, cognitive therapists have
found many methods for helping us to change both our feelings
and our behavior.
Cognitive therapy was first tried and tested as a treatment
for depression. It has since proved to be effective in helping with
many other problems, such as anxiety, panic, disturbed eating
patterns, difficulties in relationships, recovery after trauma, and
severe bouts of mental ill health. Cognitive therapy shares with
behavior therapy the advantages of being a clearly articulated
therapy, and this has meant that it has been, and is still being,
extensively and rigorously studied and improved. It also means
that it can be clearly described and its methods can be made gen-
erally available in many self-help formats, including books and
on the Internet.
8 | Pa r t I : M a k i n g s e n s e
Mind and body interact. Perhaps, last night, you lay awake
worrying. You think it is the worries which kept you awake; but it
may have been the coffee you had after supper, or the stimulating
1 0 | Pa r t I : M a k i n g s e n s e
conversation that went with it. In order to sleep better, you need
to know about some facts of physiology to be able to decide which
are the best strategies to use. The same applies if you are trying to
reduce the time you spend playing computer games, or cut down
your consumption of cigarettes, alcohol, or other non-prescribed
substances. Similarly, there are times when depression and anxiety
are helped by physiological methods—and the number of effective
psychoactive medications available is constantly being refined and
increased. In this book, we draw on the results of medical, as well
as psychological, research when relevant.
One of the problems that all psychologists face is that their work
involves trying to understand how different systems interact, and
it is difficult to disentangle the numerous ways in which they in-
fluence each other: how aging processes affect our memory for
instance, or how our feelings affect the way we think and influ-
ence what we do. Psychological research often reveals complex
processes: for example, we become more forgetful as we get older,
but remain relatively good at remembering childhood experiences.
Or feeling stressed makes you think that something will go wrong,
and then you waste time double-checking your work—and end up
feeling more stressed. Mind and body, brain and behavior, thoughts
and feelings work together to keep us functioning well. The five-
part model, developed by Christine Padesky, provides us with a
simplified way of understanding these interactions that has been
of great value to psychotherapists, and especially to those using
cognitive behavioral methods. It is illustrated in Figure 1.1.
In the diagram, feelings cover what might be termed moods,
emotions, or feelings, including, for example, fear, sadness, anger,
guilt, shame, and joy. Physical reactions include bodily symptoms
and sensations, such as palpitations, pain, nausea, and sleepi-
ness. The term thoughts does not refer only to the explicit verbal
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The Project Gutenberg eBook of Hannibal's
daughter
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States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with
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Language: English
LONDON
HUTCHINSON & CO.
PATERNOSTER ROW
1898
Dedication.
TO HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS LOUISE,
MARCHIONESS OF LORNE.
Madam,
Surely never, in the history of the world, have events more
romantic been known than the career of Hannibal and of his eventual
conqueror, the youthful Scipio. Therefore, under the title of
“Hannibal’s Daughter,” it has been my humble effort to present to the
world in romantic guise such a story as may impress itself upon the
minds of many who would never seek it for themselves in the classic
tomes of history.
Having been commenced on the actual site of Ancient Carthage,
the local colouring of the opening chapters may be, with the aid of
history, relied upon as being correct. Throughout the whole work,
moreover, the thread of the story has been interwoven with a
network of those wonderful feats that are so graphically recorded for
us in the pages of Polybius and Livy.
To Your Royal Highness, with the greatest respect, I have the
honour to dedicate my work. Should there appear to be aught of art
in the manner in which I have attempted to weave a combination of
history and romance, may I venture to hope that a true artist like
Your Royal Highness, of whose works the nation is justly proud, may
not deem the results of my efforts unworthy.
CHAPTER I.
HAMILCAR.
The terrible war, known as the inexpiable or the truceless war, was
just at an end, after three years’ duration. The mercenaries who had
served so faithfully under Hamilcar in Sicily had by the bad faith of
the Carthaginian Government, headed by Hamilcar’s greatest
enemy, Hanno, been driven to a revolt to try and recover the arrears
of pay due to them for noble services for years past. When the effete
Hanno, after a first slight success, had allowed his camp to be
captured, the Government, at the last gasp, had begged Hamilcar to
fight against his own old soldiers. For the sheer love of his country,
he had, although much against the grain, consented to do so. But
the towns of Utica, the oldest Phœnician town in Africa, and of Hippo
Zarytus were joining in the revolt; the Libyans and Numidians had
risen en masse to join the revolutionists, and the Libyan women,
having sold all their jewellery, of which they possessed large
quantities, for the sake of the revolted mercenaries, there was soon
so much money in the rebel camp that the very existence of
Carthage itself was at stake. Therefore, although Hamilcar well knew
that all the mercenaries, whether Libyans or Ligurians, Balearic
Islanders, Greeks, or Spaniards, were personally well disposed to
himself, he had been forced to take up arms against them.
Under Spendius, a Campanian slave, and Matho, an African in
whom they had formerly placed great trust, the rebels had gained
various successes, and, on visiting them in their camp, had
treacherously made prisoner of Gisco, a general in whom they had
previously expressed the greatest trust, and whom they had asked to
have sent to them with money to arrange their difficulties. Hamilcar
had been at first much hampered by his enemy, Hanno, an
effeminate wretch, being associated in the command with himself;
but when the Carthaginians found that, by leaving Hanno to hamper
Hamilcar, with all these well-trained soldiers against them, they had
got the knife held very close to their own luxurious throats, they
removed Hanno, and left the patriotic Hamilcar in supreme military
command. Their jealousies of him would not have allowed the
aristocracy and plutocracy to have done so much for the man whom
they had deserted for so long in Sicily had they not known their own
very existence to be at stake. For they ran the risk of being killed
both by the Libyans and mercenaries outside, and by the
discontented people inside the walls.
When Hamilcar assumed supreme command, the war had very
soon commenced to go the other way. He forced the easy, luxurious
Carthaginian nobles to become soldiers, and treated them as
roughly as if they had been slaves. And he made them fight. He got
elephants together; he made wonderful marches, dividing the
various rebel camps; he penned them up within their own fortified
lines. Many deserted and joined him; many prisoners whom he took
he released; a great African chief named Naravas came over to his
side. All was going well for Carthage when Spendius and Matho
mutilated and murdered the wretched General Gisco and his six
hundred followers in cold blood. After that no more of their followers
dared to leave them for fear of the terrible retaliation that they knew
awaited them. But how Spendius and all his camp were at length
penned up and reduced to cannibalism, eating all their prisoners and
slaves, how Spendius and his ten senators were taken and crucified,
while Matho, at the same time issuing from Tunis, took and crucified
a Carthaginian general and fifty of his men, and how at length, after
slaughtering or capturing the 30,000 or 40,000 remaining rebels,
Hamilcar took Matho himself prisoner, are all matters of history.
On the morning of the opening of our story, there was to be a
terrible sacrifice offered up to the great Baal Hammon, the sun god
Moloch, the Saturn of the Romans: the terrible monster to whom in
their hours of distress the Carthaginians were in the habit of offering
up at times their own babies, their first-born sons, or the fairest of
their virgins, whose cruel nuptials consisted not in being lighted with
the torch of Hymen, but in being placed bound upon the
outstretched, brazen, red-hot hands of the huge image, from whose
arms, which sloped downwards, they rolled down into the flaming
furnace at his feet. And fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers,
yea, even the very lovers of the girls, looked on complacently,
thinking that in thus sacrificing their dearest and their best to the
cruel god, they were consulting the best interests of their country in a
time of danger. Nor were the screams of the victims, many of whom
were self-offered, allowed to be heard, for the drums beat, the
priests chanted, and the beautiful young priestesses attached to the
temple danced in circles around, joining the sound of their voices
and their musical instruments to the crackling of the fire and the
rolling of the drums.
When Hamilcar bid his boy, Hannibal, look forth upon the city
before him, on the sea in front and behind him, and upon the country
around, it was a lovely morning in early summer. The weather was
not yet hot; there was a beautiful north-west breeze blowing down
the Carthaginian Gulf straight into the boy’s face, tossing up little
white horses on the surface of the sea, of which the white-flecked
foam shone like silver on its brilliantly green surface. Across the gulf,
upon whose bosom floated many a stately trireme and quinquireme,
to the east side arose a bold range of rugged mountains with steep,
serrated edges. Turning round yet further and facing the south, the
young Hannibal could see the same mountain range, dominated by a
steep, two-horned peak, sweeping round, but gradually bearing back
and so away from the shores of the shallow salt water lake then
known as the Stagnum, now called the Lake of Tunis. This lake was
separated, by the narrow strip of land called the Tœnia, from the
Sirius Carthaginensis, or Gulf of Carthage, upon the extremity of
which is now built the town of Goletta. There was in those days, as
now, a canal dividing this isthmus in two, and thus giving access for
ships to Tunis, a distance of ten miles from Carthage, at the far end
of the Tunisian lake.
Turning back again and looking to the north and north-west,
Hannibal saw stretching before him the whole noble City of
Carthage, of which his father’s palace formed one of the most
southern buildings within the sea wall. Close at hand were various
other palaces, with gardens well irrigated and producing every kind
of delicious fruit and beautiful flower to delight the palate or the eye.
Here waved in the breeze the feathery date palm, the oleander with
its wealth of pink blossom, the dark-green and shining pomegranate
tree with its glorious crimson flowers. Further, the fig, the peach tree,
the orange, the lemon, and the narrow-leaved pepper tree gave
umbrageous shelter to the winding garden walks. Over the
cunningly-devised summer-houses hung great clusters of blue
convolvulus or the purple bourgainvillia, while along the borders of
plots of vines gleaming with brilliant verdure, clustered, waist-high,
crimson geraniums and roses in the richest profusion. Between
these palaces lay stretched out the double harbour for the merchant
ships and war ships, a canal forming the entrance to the one, and
both being connected with each other. The harbour for the merchant
ships was oblong in shape, and was within a stone’s throw of the
balcony upon which the boy was standing. The inner harbour was
perfectly circular, and surrounded by a fortification; and around its
circumference were one hundred and twenty sets of docks, the gates
of each of which were adorned with beautiful Ionic pillars of purest
marble.
In the centre of this cup, or cothon as it was called, there was an
island, upon which was reared a stately marble residence for the
admiral in charge of the dockyards, and numerous workshops for the
shipwrights. All were designed and built with a view to beauty as well
as utility.
For that day only, the clang of hammers had ceased to be heard,
and all was still in the dockyards, for there was high holiday and
festival throughout the whole length and breadth of the City of
Carthage on the glad occasion of the intended execution, by fire, of
Matho and the remaining rebels who had not fallen by the sword in
the last fight at Tunis.
Just beyond the war harbour, there was a large open place called
the Agora, and a little beyond and to the left of it Hannibal could
descry the Forum placed on a slight elevation. It was a noble
building, surrounded by a stately colonnade of pillars, the capitals of
which were ornamented in the strictly Carthaginian style, which
seemed to combine the acanthus plant decoration of the Corinthian
capital, with the ram’s horn curves of the Ionic style. Between the
pillars there stood the most beautiful works of art, statues of Parian
marble ravished in the Sicilian wars, or gilded figures of cunning
workmanship of Apollo, Neptune, or the Goddess Artemis, being the
spoils of Macedon or imported from Tyre. The roof of the Forum was
constructed of beautiful cedar beams from Lebanon, sent as a
present by the rulers of Tyre to their daughter city, and no pains or
expense had been spared to make the noble building, if not equal in
grandeur, at any rate only second in its glorious manufacture to the
magnificent temple of Solomon, itself constructed for the great king
by Tyrian and Sidonian workmen.
A couple of miles away to the left could be seen the enormous
triple fortification stretching across the level isthmus which
connected Carthage, its heights and promontories, with the
mainland. This wall enclosed the Megara or suburbs, rich with the
country houses of the wealthy merchant princes. It was forty-five feet
high, and its vaulted foundations afforded stabling for a vast number
of elephants. It reached from sea to sea, and completely protected
Carthage on the land side. Between the city proper and this wall
beyond the Megara, everywhere could be seen groves of olive trees
in richest profusion, while between them and the frequent intervening
palaces, were to be observed either waving fields of ripening golden
corn, or carefully cultivated vegetable gardens, well supplied with
running streams of water from the great aqueduct which brought the
water to the city from the mountains of Zaghouan sixty miles away.
To the north of the Forum and beyond the Great Place, the city
stretched upwards, the width of the city proper, between the sea and
the suburbs, being only about a mile or a mile and a half. It sloped
upwards to the summit of the hill of the Byrsa or Citadel, hence the
boy Hannibal, from his position on the sea level in rear of the
harbours, was able to take in, not only the whole magnificent coup
d’œil of palaces and temples, but also that of the high and
precipitous hill forming Cape Carthage, which lay beyond it to the
north, whose curved and precipitous cliffs enclosed on the eastern
side a glittering bay, wherein were anchored many vessels of
merchandise.
The summit of this mountain was, like the suburbs of the Megara
to the west of the city, studded with the rich country dwellings of the
luxurious and ease-loving inhabitants of Carthage.
But it was not on the distant suburbs that the lad fixed his eager
gaze, it was on the gleaming city of palaces itself. Here, close at
hand on the right, he could see the temple of Apollo with its great