Caring for the carer

Parenting is sometimes stressful and worrisome. But being a parent to a child with
special needs is a cause of stress of even higher magnitude. If this caring is a
fulltime job then the load becomes a bit overwhelming. Finding adequate support
and starting on the journey from being worrier to a warrior is necessary to safe-guard
the mental health of the primary care-givers – especially the mothers.

The effect of raising children with additional needs could impact the health of the
mother negatively. Mothers might suffer from severe burnouts as a result of ignoring
their own health while spending their energy and time on caring and worrying.
According to a research, depression is one of the silent health crises prevalent
among 30–59% of the caregivers (Alliance FC, 2001). The risk of parent care-givers
suffering from depression is about three times more than in parents who are non-
care givers (Schulz et al, 1988). And female care givers are two to three times more
likely to suffer from depression than male care givers (Union, 2003).

As the responsibility of physical, emotional, medical, educational wellbeing of the

child most times falls on the mothers, it is no surprise that their physical and
psychological wellbeing is at risk. The incessant care giving produces high levels of
burden which in turn may lead to stress, anxiety and depression in case of mother
care-givers. Depression in particular causes feelings of sadness, lack of interest,
hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness, guilty feeling, and irritability. Suicidal
thoughts, sleep disturbance and loss of appetite are also commonly associated with
depression (Sadock et al ,2011). Depression has both strong bodily, and emotional
impact, affecting an individual’s ability on performing daily routines. Now-a-days,
psychologists are concerned about overwhelming number of mothers of children with
special / alternative learning needs diagnosed with depression.

So, what needs to be done now? Who cares for the carer? It is important for parents
and care-givers to first acknowledge their limitations, find ways to slow down, to let
go, relax and take some much-needed rest. Sometimes it is important to step back
and go light on the impulse to control everything. Finding a support group, hearing
similar stories from their peers and exchanging views can be really be empowering.
Taking a break, asking for help from family and friends once in a while can also help.
Going out with friends and having normal conversations can be beneficial. Taking a
break every day for 30 minutes and having a ‘me’ time is something that is highly
recommended by psychologists and well-being practitioners. Doing some form of
exercise also works wonders. As a matter of fact, daily exercise is good for one’s
body. It improves physical health, general mood, the feeling of well-being and
reduces the stress. Meditation also is quite helpful in dealing with stress and
depression. Doing meditation for 15-20 minutes everyday increases the production
of ‘Dopamine’ or the feel-good hormone. Picking up a new hobby such as dancing,
singing, painting, reading good books or even simply listening to music also aids in
restoring one’s balance. And sometimes it is necessary to quieten the inner critic too.
If one is bombarded with negative thoughts, it is obligatory to remain calm and trust
oneself and remind that these thoughts are disempowering to not only the self but
also to everybody who depend on them for support. Adopting a coping mechanism
and self-acceptance is the greatest of all strategies.

Appreciation and support from the other members of the family is indeed
indispensable. Remember that these carers - especially the mothers are
irreplaceable not only for the child but also for the entire family. It is therefore
imperative for the family members to often step in and take off some burden from
these carers. Even ‘super-moms’ need ample rest to face the challenges that come
along their way.

Having said, it sometimes is important to seek assistance in the form of therapy if

things have reached a boiling point. Clinical psychologists, counselling psychologists
and well-being practitioners are some of the professionals trained to deal with such
disorders. Seeking their professional advice can definitely put things in perspective
and in planning their next steps.

Dedicated to all the warrior mothers whose strength and integrity never seizes to
amaze and inspire me.

Vasavi Yellamraju

REFRENCES

Alliance FC. Fact sheet: selected caregiver statistics. In: Family caregiver Alliance
retrieved October, vol. 19. San Francisco, CA; 2001. p. 2011.
Sadock BJ, Sadock VA. Kaplan and Sadock's synopsis of psychiatry: behavioral
sciences/clinical psychiatry: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins; 2011.
Schulz R, Tompkins CA, Rau MT. A longitudinal study of the psychosocial impact of
stroke on primary support persons. Psychol Aging. 1988;3(2):131.
Union A. Protocol to the African charter on human and People's rights on the rights
of women in Africa; 2003.