The Mirror Self of Charles Cooley

Charles Cooley (1902) coined the term "looking-glass self" to describe the dependence of one's social
self or social identity on one's appearance to others.

People's ideas and feelings about themselves — their self-concept or self image — emerge as a
result of their perception and internalization of how others perceive and evaluate them (Chandler and
Munday, 2011).

This is supported by the notion that someone's socialization context allows them to define themselves.

Sociologists have long proposed that people may have a self-image formed by their interactions with
others, or even no essential self at all.

The development of the looking-glass self occurred in the early 1900s. "As we see our face, figure, and
dress in the glass and are interested in them because they are ours...so in imagination we perceive in another's
mind some thought of our appearance, manner, aims, deeds, character, friends, and so on, and are variously
affected by it," Cooley argued (1902; McIntyre, 1998).

Cooley (1902) asserted that the human mind is both social and mental. This implies that social
interaction is the primary cause of the mental processes that take place in the human mind.

Three processes were suggested by Charles Cooley (1902) for how interactions with people shape self-
identity:

1. People envision what they look like to others;

2. People assume that people are evaluating them based on their look and manner of conduct;
3. People build their perceptions of others on their own judgments.

As it engages with an increasing number of people, the self develops. According to Cooley, social
interaction is the only way to genuinely become human (McIntyre, 1998; Cooley, 1902).

On the surface, it could seem as though the person is passive, continuously influenced by the opinions
and judgements of others. However, Cooley does not believe that the self is a one-way internalization of
interactions; rather, he believes that people actively influence how others perceive them.

Example:

There are certain circumstances where individuals care more about others’ perceptions of them than
others. For example, someone traveling through a foreign city where they know no one may be less conscious
about how they appear to others than someone in an interview for their dream job (Squirrell, 2020).

People use the looking-glass self to control and evaluate the responses of others
Because people are aware that others are perceiving, reacting to, and judging them, they attempt to shape the
impressions that they give others.
For example, someone may brag about how much alcohol they consumed over the course of a weekend to their
friends, but make a concerted effort to hide this information from their employer (Squirrell, 2020).

Activity

The Looking Glass Self Exercise and Theory of Self

Each to each a looking glass,
reflects the other that doth pass
I am not what I think I am
I am not what you think I am
Rather, I am what I think
you think I am
(Cooley, 1902)
Instructions

This exercise will take approximately 30 minutes. The exercise is set up in three 8-10 minute segments. Give
each participant about 5 minutes to ‘tell their story’ within segment 1 and 2. Provide ‘time warnings’ to ensure
that each participant has time to share. The final segment is a large group segment managed by the
facilitator/trainer.

Segment 1 Activities: (8-10 minutes)

• Find a partner, preferably someone you don't know;

• Stand in front of your partner face-to-face, eye-to-eye;
• Repeat the poem together as you look at one another;
• Decide together who will begin;
• The first partner shares who they believe their partner thinks they are. Their partner listens in silence;
• The second partner, in turn, does the same. They share who they believe their partner thinks they are. Their
partner listens in silence.

Segment 2 Activities: (8-10 minutes). • Remain standing in your dyad.

• Ask your partner the following questions:

1. When was the first time you thought someone like me thought about you?
2. Do you believe this thought about yourself?
3. What do you want people to think about you?
4. What do you want people to know about you?

• Your partner responds to all three questions (4-5 minutes);

• After your partner finishes, they ask you the same questions (another 4-5 minutes)

Segment 3 Activities: (8-10 minutes)

• Return to the large group setting;

• The facilitator encourages participants to debrief, saying: “
1. Who might be willing to share reflections from this exercise?
2. What was your most difficult discovery?
3. Do you believe what you heard to be true about you?
4. What is it that you want people to think about you?
5. Tell us who you are?

Exercise Conclusion
We base our behavior on what we think others think of us, thus social interaction becomes a looking glass, a
mirror that informs how we see ourselves. The looking-glass self-comprises three main components that are
unique to humans (Shaffer 2005).
1. We imagine how we must appear to others in a social situation.
2. We imagine and react to what we feel their judgment of that appearance must be.
3. We develop our sense of self and respond through these perceived judgments of
others.