“Show” don’t “Tell”

Tips & Tricks

Using action, sensory details, dialogue and personal
thoughts to improve your Personal Narrative Essay.
 Show me...
• Show me, don’t tell me…
• Often time, writers fall into the habit of telling a
reader, but to engage the reader, make him feel
like he is in the situation with you by vividly
describing it.
• Don’t just tell me – “It was incredibly funny”
• Instead, show me with vivid, sensory details

**Keep this in mind for the next slide…

 Warm Up
• Show me – “It was incredibly funny.”
To help you get started, watch the following funny clip and then
write a description of what is happening that would let a reader
come to the conclusion that it was incredibly funny.

• Literally write down what you hear, see, or any dialogue that is
used. Try to answer the following questions: What is the baby
doing? How is he laughing? What is so funny? What is the baby
laughing at? What sounds do you hear in the background?

• Use your answers to help provide the description of what is

happening.

Laughing Baby
 Example of “Telling”
One day George was riding his bike. A guy came up to
him. He chased George into a dark alley. George rode
through it fast and the man stopped to rest.

• How could we revise this using action, sensory details,

dialogue and personal thoughts?

With your elbow partner, rewrite the paragraph above on a separate sheet of
paper.
**Make sure to keep in mind/answer the following questions in your rewrite:
1) Where was George when he saw the man?
2) What else did he see as he rode?
3) What did the man look like?
4) What did he do? Did he say anything?
5) What was George thinking as the man approached him?
 Revised for “Showing”
George pedaled into the dark alley. Off to his
right he glimpsed a trash can. Crouched
behind the can was a man in a short-sleeved
shirt. George could see a tattoo on his arm.
(sensory details)
Seeing George, the man held out a cigarette.
“Gotta light?” he asked. (dialogue)
“Smoking’s bad for you,” George said. Suddenly
his adrenaline began pumping. What if this guy
tried to kidnap him? (personal thoughts)
 Example of Telling
Mary opened her present quickly. She took out a doll. It was the
one she’d always wanted. She thanked her parents, and happily
started to play with it.

• How could we revise this using action, sensory details, dialogue

and personal thoughts?

With your elbow partner, turn the “telling” example into a “showing”
example. **Consider the following questions:
1) Where was Mary when she opened the present?
2) What did the doll look like?
3) What kind of doll was it (brand)?
4) Why did Mary want this doll in particular?
5) What did she specifically say to her parents?
6) How did she play with the doll?
7) Where did she take the doll to play?
 Example of “Showing”
“Oh my gosh,” shrieked Mary. (dialogue) The
“new toy smell” filled Mary’s nostrils. (sensory
details) Before even taking her out of the box,
Mary noticed the spur boots and cowboy hat.
(description) “Mom and Dad, how did you know I
wanted her?” she asked.
Mary’s father shot her mother a wink making a note of
the price tag.
“We noticed that you could not keep your eyes off of
her when we went to the American Girl Store in
Chicago last month,” replied her mother.
Mary’s eyes lit up and an upward crack formed
along her lip line. (sensory details)
“You are the best parents a girl could ask for her.”
What would she do if she found out her parents
bought her a knock off? (personal thoughts)
 One More Example
SHOW (don't tell) your character's traits and feelings!

Example: Jerry was a spoiled brat. (Main character

is Sharon, his older sister.)

• ACTION/DESCRIPTION (Think VERBS! and sneaky

description): Jerry's brown eyes NARROWED into slits.
He STAMPED his foot.
• DIALOGUE: "I don't care what you say. I want some
candy and I'm going to have it!"
• THOUGHTS: Mom would have a fit if I acted like that,
thought Sharon.
 Practice
Directions: Provide your own example of action/description, dialogue
and personal thoughts for the following sentences.

Mr. Schmitt is a nice guy.

• ACTION/DESCRIPTION:

• DIALOGUE:

• PERSONAL THOUGHTS:

I lost my iPhone on the bus.

• ACTION/DESCRIPTION:

• DIALOGUE:

• PERSONAL THOUGHTS:
 On Your Own
• Switch essays with a partner and have them
read it. Highlight any parts of their essay that
“tell” the action instead of “showing” it. **Write
suggestions regarding how your partner can
incorporate action, sensory details, dialogue and
personal thoughts to their essay.
• Switch back and go through your partner’s
comments. In a different color, highlight any
parts of your essay that “tell” the action instead
of “showing” it.
• Rewrite any of the sections that you or your
partner noted.