Chapter 7

Persuasive Messages

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-1

 Writing Plan for a Persuasive
Request
• Opening
• Obtain the reader’s attention and interest.
• Body
• Explain logically and concisely the purpose
of your request.
• Establish credibility.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-2

 Writing Plan for a Persuasive
Request
• Closing
• Ask for a particular action.
• Make it easy to respond.
• Show courtesy and respect.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-3

 Tips for Complaints

• Begin with a compliment, point of

agreement, statement of the problem, or
brief review of action you have taken to
resolve the problem.
• Provide identifying data.
• Explain why the receiver is responsible.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-4

 Tips for Complaints

• Enclose document copies supporting

your claim.
• Appeal to the receiver's fairness, ethical
and legal responsibilities, and desire for
customer satisfaction.
• Describe your feelings and your
disappointment.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-5

 Tips for Complaints

• Avoid sounding angry, emotional, or

irrational.
• Close by telling exactly what you want
done.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-6

 Ineffective Persuasive Request
Letter

Mr.
Mr.John
JohnM.
M.Watson
Watson
Retail
RetailCredit
CreditDepartment
Department
Union
UnionNational
NationalBank
Bank
P.
P.O.O.Box
Box2051
2051
Little
LittleRock,
Rock,ARAR72203
72203
Dear
DearMr.
Mr.Watson:
Watson:
You
Youhave
havecharged
chargedmy
mywife's
wife'sVisa
Visaaccount
accountwith
witherroneous
erroneous"over-
"over-
the-limit"
the-limit"charges
chargesthat
thatare
arequite
quiteunfair,
unfair,and
andIIam
amvery
veryupset
upsetabout
about
it.it.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-7

 Ineffective Persuasive Request
Letter

How
Howcan
canwewebe becharged
chargedwith
with"over-the-limit"
"over-the-limit"charges
chargeswhen
whennearly
nearly
every
everyone
oneofofthe
thecharges
chargeswas
wasapproved?
approved?We Wedon't
don'tkeep
keepaarunning
running
record
recordofofour
ourVisa
Visaaccount
accountand
andall
allour
ourcredit
creditpurchases
purchasesononit,it,so
sowe
we
did
didnot
notknow
knowthat
thatwewewere
wereclose
closeto
tothe
thelimit.
limit.
Between
BetweenAugust
August77andandSeptember
September27 27we
wemade
made12 12purchases.
purchases.WeWe
were
werecharged
chargedaa$10
$10feefeefor
foreach
eachof
ofthese
these1212transactions
transactionsbecause
because
we
weexceeded
exceededour ourcredit
creditlimit.
limit.However,
However,10 10ofofthese
thesetransactions
transactions
were
werephoned
phonedininfor
forapproval,
approval,and
andALL
ALLWERE
WEREAPPROVED!
APPROVED!Why Why
were
werethey
theyapproved
approvedififwewewere
wereover
overour
ourcredit
creditlimit?
limit?Obviously,
Obviously,we
we
would
wouldnot
nothave
havecontinued
continuedto tomake
makepurchases
purchasesififwe wehad
hadknown
knownwe we
were
wereover
overour
ourlimit.
limit.
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-8
 Ineffective Persuasive Request
Letter

ItItseems
seemsto
tome
methat
thatyour
yourapproval
approvalsystem
systemisisat
atfault
faulthere.
here.
And
Andwhy
whyaren't
aren'tnew
newcardholders
cardholdersinformed
informedof ofyour
yourrules?
rules?The
The
charges
chargeswe
wemade
madeexceeding
exceedingthe
thelimit
limitwere
wereclearly
clearlyunintentional.
unintentional.
Furthermore,
Furthermore,our
ouractions
actionswere
weremade
madeon onthe
thebasis
basisofof
misinformation
misinformationand
anderrors
errorson
onthe
thepart
partof
ofyour
yourcredit
creditprocessors.
processors.
Angrily
Angrilyyours,
yours,

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-9

 Ineffective Persuasive Request
Letter
Discussion:
1. Does the opening obtain the reader's attention in
a positive manner?
2. Why does the writer think that the $120 penalty
is unreasonable? Does the writer offer
convincing reasons? Are they logically
presented?
3. Does the writer try to blame the bank for the
penalty?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-10
 Ineffective Persuasive Request
Letter
Discussion:
4. What action does the writer seek?
5. Is that action clearly stated?
6. Does the letter show courtesy and respect?
7. How would you feel if you were the receiver?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-11

 Improved Persuasive Request
Letter

Dear
DearMr.
Mr.Watson:
Watson:
SUBJECT:
SUBJECT:“Over-the-Limit”
“Over-the-Limit”Credit
CreditCard
CardCharges
Charges
Because
Becauseof ofthe
thewide
wideacceptance
acceptanceof ofthe
theVisa
Visacredit
creditcard
cardand
and
because
becauseofofyour
yourbank's
bank'sattractive
attractiveinterest
interestrate,
rate,my
mywife
wifeand
andIIwere
were
eager
eagerto
tobecome
becomecardholders
cardholderstwo
twoyears
yearsago.
ago.Recently,
Recently,however,
however,
we
weexperienced
experiencedaacharge
chargeto
toour
ouraccount
accountthat
thatwe
wewould
wouldlike
liketo
to
discuss
discusswith
withyou.
you.
Between
Betweenthe
theperiod
periodof
ofAugust
August77and
andSeptember
September27,
27,we
wemade
made12
12

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-12

 Improved Persuasive Request
Letter
small
smallpurchases.
purchases.Ten
Tenofofthese
thesepurchases
purchaseswere
weregiven
giventelephone
telephone
approval.
approval.When
Whenwewereceived
receivedour
ourlast
laststatement,
statement,aacopy
copyofofwhich
whichisis
enclosed,
enclosed,wewewere
weresurprised
surprisedtotosee
seethat
thatwe
wewere
werecharged
charged$10$10
each
eachfor
forthese
thesepurchases
purchasesbecause
becauseour
ouraccount
accountwas
wasover
overour
ourlimit.
limit.
The
Thetotal
totalcharge
chargewas
was$120.
$120.
Of
Ofcourse,
course,we
weshould
shouldhave
havebeenbeenmore
moreaware
awareof
ofour
ourlimit
limitand
andthe
the
number
numberofofcharges
chargesthat
thatwe
wewereweremaking
makingagainst
againstour
ouraccount.
account.We We
assumed,
assumed,however,
however,that
thatififour
ourpurchases
purchasesreceived
receivedtelephone
telephone
approval
approvalfrom
fromyour
yourcredit
creditprocessors,
processors,we
wewere
werestill
stillwithin
withinour
ourcredit
credit
limit.
limit.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-13

 Improved Persuasive Request
Letter

Please
Pleaseexamine
examineour
ouraccount,
account,Mr.Mr.Watson,
Watson,and
andreconsider
reconsiderthis this
penalty.
penalty.Since
Sincewe
wehave
havenever
neverexceeded
exceededour
ourcredit
creditlimit
limitininthe
thepast
past
and
andsince
sincewewehad
hadreceived
receivedtelephone
telephoneapproval
approvalfor
formost
mostof ofthe
the
charges
chargesininquestion,
question,we
wefeel
feelthat
thatthe
the$120
$120charge
chargeshould
shouldbe be
removed.
removed.
Sincerely,
Sincerely,

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-14

 Good and Bad Openings for
Persuasive Requests
Which of the following openings are
effective?
1. About 15 months ago your smooth-talking
salesperson seduced us into buying your Model RX
copier, which has been nothing but trouble ever
since.
2. If you will check your records, you will undoubtedly
discover that we first obtained our model RX copier
15 months ago. It was installed in our Legal
Department.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-15

 Good and Bad Openings for
Persuasive Requests
Which of the following openings are
effective?
3. When we purchased our Model RX copier 15 months
ago, we had high expectations for its performance.
4. We need a speaker for our graduation ceremony,
and your name was suggested.
5. Would you be able to speak at our graduation
ceremony on June 7?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-16

 Good and Bad Openings for
Persuasive Requests
Which of the following openings are
effective?
6. We realize that you are an extremely busy individual
and that you must be booked up months in advance,
but would it be possible for you to speak at our
graduation ceremony on June 7?
7. You were voted by our students as the speaker they
would most like to hear at graduation on June 7.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-17

 Ineffective Favor Request

Honorable
HonorableDavid
DavidH.
H.Davis
Davis
California
CaliforniaHouse
Houseof
ofRepresentatives
Representatives
Sacramento,
Sacramento,CA CA95030
95030
Dear
DearMr.
Mr.Davis:
Davis:
Would
Wouldyou
yoube
beinterested
interestedininspeaking
speakingto
tothe
thestudents
studentsat
atFoothill
Foothill
College?
College?
IfIfyou
youwould
wouldbe
beinintown
townon
onApril
April16,
16,our
ourAssociated
AssociatedStudent
Student
Organization
Organizationisishaving
havingaaCareer
CareerAwareness
AwarenessDay.
Day.Many
Manyof
ofour
our

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-18

 Ineffective Favor Request

15,000
15,000students
students(and
(andmost
mostare
areregistered
registeredvoters
votersininyour
yourdistrict)
district)
will
willbe
beattending
attendingthis
thisfunction
functionwhere
wherethree
threemajor
majorspeakers
speakershave
have
been
beeninvited.
invited.
We
Wehope
hopetotofind
findgood
goodspeakers
speakersfrom
fromindustry,
industry,education,
education,and
and
politics.
politics.Our
OurASOASOvoted
votedyouyouthe
thepolitician
politicianthey
theywould
wouldmost
mostlike
liketo
to
hear.
hear.WeWecould
couldoffer
offeryou
you30
30minutes
minutesto toimpart
impartinformation
informationabout
about
politics
politicsas
asaacareer,
career,its
itsrewards,
rewards,and
anditsitspunishments.
punishments.
Our
OurCareer
CareerAwareness
AwarenessDay Daywill
willcontain
containinformation
informationbooths;
booths;
students
studentscan
cantalk
talkabout
aboutcareers
careersand
andlearn
learnabout
aboutthem
thematatthese
these

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-19

 Ineffective Favor Request

booths.
booths.Then
Thenthe
thethree
threespeakers
speakerswill
willfollow
followthese
thesebooths
boothsat
at12
12
noon
noonininthe
theCampus
CampusCenter.
Center.
Let
Letme
meknow
know by byMarch
March1515ififyou'd
you'dlike
liketo
tobe
beone
oneofofour
ourspeakers.
speakers.
We'd
We'denjoy
enjoyhaving
havingyou
youand
andititcould
couldbe
begood
goodfor
foryou,
you,too.
too.IfIfyou
youlet
let
me
meknow
knowearly
earlyenough,
enough,we
wecancanget
getsome
somepublicity
publicityout.
out.
Sincerely,
Sincerely,

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-20

 Ineffective Favor Request

Discuss the faults in the previous letter.

1. Starts out directly with a question that could
be answered negatively
2. Provides an easy excuse for refusal (in
second sentence)
3. Fails to emphasize reader benefits
(opportunity to influence 15,000 potential
voters)

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-21

 Ineffective Favor Request

Discuss the faults in the previous letter.

4. Lacks unity in sentences and paragraphs
5. Focuses on writer's viewpoint rather than on
reader's
6. Uses imprecise words and inappropriate
syntax
7. Closes without making it easy for reader to
grant favor

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-22

 Improved Favor Request

Honorable
HonorableDavid
DavidH.
H.Davis
Davis
California
CaliforniaHouse
Houseof
ofRepresentatives
Representatives
Sacramento,
Sacramento,CA CA95030
95030
Dear
DearMr.
Mr.Davis:
Davis:
Over
Over15,000
15,000students
studentsattend
attendFoothill
FoothillCollege,
College,and
andmany
manyare
are
registered
registeredvoters
votersininyour
yourdistrict.
district.
On
OnThursday,
Thursday,April
April16,
16,you
youwill
willbe
beable
ableto
tointroduce
introduceyourself
yourselfto
to
these
thesepotential
potentialvoters
votersatatthe
theAssociated
AssociatedStudent
StudentOrganization's
Organization's
Career
CareerAwareness
AwarenessDay.Day.On Onthis
thisday
daywe
weplan
plantotohave
havethree
threemajor
major

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-23

 Improved Favor Request

speakers
speakersrepresenting
representingindustry,
industry,education,
education,and
andpolitics.
politics.Our
OurCareer
Career
Awareness
AwarenessDay
Dayfeatures
featuresinformation
informationbooths
boothswhere
wherestudents
studentsmay
may
learn
learnmore
moreabout
aboutspecific
specificcareers.
careers.The
Theprogram
programculminates
culminateswith
with
the
themajor
majoraddresses
addressesgiven
givenininthe
theCampus
CampusCenter
Centerat
at1212noon.
noon.
As
Asone
oneof
ofthe
thethree
threefeatured
featuredspeakers,
speakers,youyouwould
wouldhave
have30 30minutes
minutes
to
todescribe
describeaacareer
careerininpolitics
politicsand
andits
itsrewards
rewardsand
andpossible
possible
drawbacks.
drawbacks.YouYouwere
wereselected
selectedby byour
ourASO
ASOasasthe
thepolitician
politicianthey
they
would
wouldmost
mostlike
liketo
tohear.
hear.
To
Togive
giveFoothill
Foothillstudents
studentsan anopportunity
opportunityto
tomeet
meetyou
youand
andtotolearn
learn
about
aboutaacareer
careerininpolitics,
politics,please
pleasecall
callme
meat at320-5832
320-5832to
toconfirm
confirm

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-24

 Improved Favor Request

this
thisspeaking
speakingengagement.
engagement.We Wewill
willneed
needyour
yourapproval
approvalby
byMarch
March
15
15sosothat
thatappropriate
appropriatepublicity
publicitymay
maybe beprepared.
prepared.

Cordially,
Cordially,

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-25

 Writing Plan for a Sales Letter

• Opening
• Capture the attention of the reader.
• Body
• Emphasize a central selling point.
• Appeal to the needs of the reader.
• Create a desire for the product.
• Introduce the price strategically.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-26

 Writing Plan for a Sales Letter

• Closing
• Stimulate the reader to act.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-27

Attention-Getters for Sales Letters

1. Offer
Follow my entry instructions, and you
could be the sole winner of ONE
MILLION DOLLARS!
2. Product Feature
Six Omaha steak filets from fine, corn-fed
beef can be yours for only $62.95.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-28

Attention-Getters for Sales Letters

3. Question
Do you yearn for an honest, fulfilling
relationship?
4. Startling Statement
Drunk drivers injure or cripple more than
500,000 victims every year!

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-29

Attention-Getters for Sales Letters

5. Story
Tommy G. doesn't live in a neighborhood
like yours. He has grown up in a
neighborhood with dirty alleyways and drug
dealers. If only he could go to camp, he'd
see how beautiful life can be.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-30

 Ineffective Sales Letter

Dear
DearCamera
CameraOwner:
Owner:
Hi!
Hi!I'm
I'mJim
JimJohnson
JohnsonandandI'm
I'masking
askingyou
youto tocontinue
continueto
touse
useKent
Kent
Color
ColorLabs
Labsfor
forthe
theprocessing
processingofofyour
yourfilm.
film.
We've
We'vebeen
beenininbusiness
businessfor
foraalong
longtime
timeand
andour
ourcustomers
customerstell
tellus
us
they
theyare
arequite
quitesatisfied
satisfiedwith
withour
ourservice
serviceand
andthe
thequality
qualityof
ofour
our
processing.
processing.
We
Wefeel
feelthat
thatyou
youcan't
can'tget
getbetter
betterprices
pricesanywhere.
anywhere.We
Wearearealso
alsovery
very
proud
proudof
ofour
ourguarantee.
guarantee.NoNomatter
matterwhat
whatwe
wereceive
receivefrom
fromyou,
you,you
you

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-31

 Ineffective Sales Letter

don't
don'trisk
riskaacent.
cent.
We
Weoffer
offeraawhole
wholerange
rangeofofother
otherservices--reprints,
services--reprints,posters,
posters,slides,
slides,
disks,
disks,and
andmuch
muchmore.more.Furthermore,
Furthermore,we weare
arevery
verycareful
carefulwith
withyour
your
film;
film;we
wetreat
treatititas
aswe
wetreat
treatour
ourown.
own.
Are
Areyou
youtired
tiredof
ofasking
askingyourself,
yourself,"Where
"Whereshould
shouldIIget getmy
myfilm
film
developed?"
developed?"Well,
Well,Kent
KentColorColorlabs
labsisisthe
theplace
placeto togo.
go.We
Werely
relyon
on
the
theU.S.
U.S.mail
mailfor
forour
ourbusiness,
business,and
andthis
thisletter
letterisisour
ourway
wayof
ofasking
asking
for
foryour
yourbusiness.
business.Send
Sendus usyour
yournext
nextroll
rollof
offilm
filmtotobe
bedeveloped
developedas as
soon
soonasasyou
youfinish
finishit.it.
Sincerely,
Sincerely,
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-32
 Discussion for Ineffective Sales
Letter to Camera Owner
1. Does the opening grab your
attention?
2. Is a central selling point developed?
3. Is the letter written from the reader's
perspective?
4. Should this letter develop rational or
emotional appeals?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-33

 Discussion for Ineffective Sales
Letter to Camera Owner
5. Does the letter use concrete
examples?
6. Does it build confidence in the
product or service?
7. Does it stimulate action in the
closing?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-34

 Improved Sales Letter

Dear
DearCamera
CameraOwner:
Owner:
Amy
AmyEvans,
Evans,ofofHouston,
Houston,Texas,
Texas,recently
recentlywrote
wrotetotous
ussaying,
saying,"I"Ijust
just
wanted
wantedtotolet
letyou
youknow
knowthat
thatthe
thepictures
picturesyou
youdeveloped
developedforforme
me
earlier
earlierwere
werethethebest
bestpictures
picturesIIhave
haveever
everreceived.
received.And
AndIIcan't
can't
believe
believeIIreceived
receivedthem
themsosoquickly!"
quickly!"
IfIfyou
youare
arelooking
lookingfor
forquality
qualityfilm
filmdeveloping,
developing,speedy
speedyturnaround,
turnaround,
and,
and,most
mostimportantly,
importantly,reliability–consider
reliability–considerKent
KentColor
ColorLabs.
Labs.Here's
Here's
why
whyour
ourcustomers
customerskeep
keepreturning:
returning:
••You
Youget
getlow
lowfilm
filmprocessing
processingprices
pricesand
andexcellent
excellentquality.
quality.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-35

 Improved Sales Letter

••You
Youget
getaawhole
wholerange
rangeofofservices–reprints,
services–reprints,enlargements,
enlargements,giant
giant
photo
photoposters,
posters,wallet
walletphotos,
photos,slides,
slides,movies,
movies,discs,
discs,and
andmore.
more.
••You
Youget
getfilm
filmmailing
mailingenvelopes
envelopesmanufactured
manufacturedfrom
fromspecial
speciallong-
long-
fibered
fiberedpaper
papermaking
makingthem
themstronger
strongerthan
thannormal
normalenvelopes.
envelopes.
••You
Youget
getconvenience–no
convenience–nomore
morestanding
standingininline
lineat
atthe
thedrugstore
drugstoreor
or
camera
camerastore.
store.And
Andit's
it'sfun
funto
toreceive
receivemail!
mail!
We're
We'rebest
bestknown,
known,however,
however,for
forour
ourreliability.
reliability.We've
We'vebeen
beeninin
business
businessforformore
morethan
than47
47years.
years.The
Theminute
minutewe wereceive
receiveyour
your
order,
order,it's
it'sprocessed!
processed!You
Youcan
cancount
countononthat
thatevery
everytime.
time.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-36

 Improved Sales Letter

Because
Becausewe're
we'reso socertain
certainthat
thatyou
youwill
willbe
bepleased,
pleased,weweguarantee
guarantee
every
everyroll
rollof
offilm.
film.IfIfyou're
you'renot
notsatisfied,
satisfied,simply
simplyreturn
returnthe
thewhole
whole
package.
package.We Wewillwillcheerfully
cheerfullyrefund
refundyour
yourmoney
moneyandandsend
sendyou
youfree
free
film
filmand
andaacoupon
couponto toget
getthat
thatfilm
filmprocessed
processedwithout
withoutcharge.
charge.This
Thisisis
the
thebest
bestguarantee
guaranteeininthe thebusiness.
business.
We
Wewant
wantyour
yourbusiness.
business.Right
Rightnow,
now,finish
finishthat
thatfilm
filmininyour
yourcamera.
camera.
Grab
Grabaapen,
pen,fill
fillout
outthe
theenclosed
enclosedmailer,
mailer,and
anddrop
dropititininthe
themail.
mail.
Sincerely,
Sincerely,

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-37

 Improved Sales Letter

P.S.
P.S.IfIfyou
yourespond
respondwithin
withinone
oneweek,
week,we'll
we'llprocess
processyour
yourorder
orderat
atan
an
additional
additionalsavings
savingsof
of20
20percent.
percent.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-38

 Checklist for Analyzing a
Sales Letter
1. At what audience is the letter aimed?
2. Is the appeal emotional or rational?
Is the appeal effective?
3. Is the opening effective?
4. What techniques capture the reader's
attention?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-39

 Checklist for Analyzing a
Sales Letter
5. Is a central selling point
emphasized?
6. Does the letter emphasize reader
benefits?
7. What are some examples of
concrete language?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-40

 Checklist for Analyzing a
Sales Letter
8. How is confidence in the product or
service developed?
9. How is price introduced?
10. What action is to be taken and how
is the reader motivated to take that
action?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-41

 End

Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 6e Ch. 7-42