Effective Communication

A Must in Conflict
Management
 Two Aspects of Communication
that are very important in conflict resolution
or management …
 Ability to effectively
express & assert oneself
- needs, viewpoints
- feelings, feedback
- proposed solution

 Ability to understand (not

necessarily to agree with)
the viewpoints or positions
of the other party
 COMMON BLOCKS TO
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

 preoccupation
 emotional block
 hostility
 charisma of the speaker
 hidden agenda
 simple inarticulateness
 culturally-determined verbal patterns
 physical environment
 defensiveness
 status
Assertiveness

the ability to clearly

communicate one’s opinions,
needs, wants, interests,
feelings, etc. to another in a
non-defensive and non-
threatening way
 Parts of an Assertion Message
 Description of the PROBLEM – specific behavior or
statement(written or verbal), policy, etc. that is the subject
of the discussion. (Validate with the other party your
understanding of the problem).

 Description of your ASSESSMENT – i.e. specific

consequences of the behavior or statement;

 Description of your FEELINGS and the ROOTS OF YOUR

FEELINGS in relation to or arising out of the described
problem;

 Presentation of your PROPOSAL(S) on how to resolve or

manage the problem.
Components of
Non-violent communication
1. Separate observation from evaluation
Mixed Observation and Observation separate from
Evaluation Evaluation

Celso is a poor basketball Celso has not scored a goal

player. in 10 games. Because of this,
the coach is thinking of
looking for a replacement.

Mario procrastinates. Mario only studied for exams

the night before. Because of
this, he got very low grades
in the exams.
Components of
Non-violent communication
2. Express your feeling about your
observation; separate this feeling from
your assessment of yourself and of
others.
X I feel inadequate as a guitar player.
/ I feel frustrated about myself as a guitar player.

X I feel ignored.
/ I feel hurt when I thought you ignored me during
our meeting last Tuesday.
 Components of
Non-violent communication
3. Acknowledge the roots of your feelings, which are your
own needs (e.g. I feel… because I need…)

X “It really infuriates me when spelling mistakes appear

in our public brochures. That bugs me a lot.”
/ “I feel really infuriated when spelling mistakes like that
appear in our public brochures because I want our
company to project a professional image.”

X “I feel angry because the supervisor broke her promise.”

/ “I feel angry that the supervisor broke her promise
because I was counting on getting that long weekend to
visit my brother.”
Components of
Non-violent communication
4. Give proposals in a non-threatening and
non-demanding way:

* Be conscious of our proposals and on how we,

verbally and non-verbally, say it;
* Use “I messages” in giving proposals.
* Actively listen to the reaction of the other party
to our proposal, and if necessary probe on their
thoughts and feelings.
 EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

ACTIVE LISTENING

is the CAPABILITY of one person to

DEMONSTRATE and PROVE his/her
UNDERSTANDING of the SUBSTANTIVE and
EMOTIONAL messages of the speaker

Why Active listening?

• helps build/maintain rapport and trust
• helps gather data
• help check perceptions and filters
• helps the speaker clarify and develop his/her ideas
 ACTIVE LISTENING
HOW?

• use conducive listening posture

• appropriate eye contact
• paraphrase or repeat in your own words the messages of the speaker
• reflect the speaker’s core feeling
• ask clarifying question
• give statements of understanding
• ask or welcome clarifications and correction
• summarize the speaker’s core messages

Avoid!
•confuse listening with agreeing
•mix listening with evaluating
•assume responsibility for what is being represented
 ACTIVE LISTENING

Examples of statements to demonstrate

understanding
• “So you think …”
• “You feel _____ because _____”
• “It sounds like … “
• “Let me see if I understand. As you see it… “
• Then the issue is …”
• “From your point of view …“

“Did I get you right?”

• To check the correctness of your understanding after saying how
you understood the message of the speaker
Probes are STATEMENTS or QUESTIONS designed
to ELICIT RELEVANT DATA from another person

WHY PROBE?
• get more information/data
• clarify other person’s feelings
• clarify other person’s thinking
• test assumptions
HOW ?
• ask open ended questions
(i.e. what, why, how, where, when, who)
• ask one question at a time
• give time to answer
• reinforce answers verbally and/or with body language

Avoid!
• confuse probes with leading question

probing question: What have you done to solve your problems?

leading question: What have you done to win her back?
• long silences