Descriptive Writing

Vivid Verbs and Sensuous Sentences

Goals for This Workshop:

 Be able to identify ineffective description

 Know resources for alternative vocabulary
 Have tools for revising description
When Description Is Used
 Scenes
 Introductory paragraphs, narratives
 People
 Profiles, character analyses
 Business
 Résumés, reports, research papers
 Processes
 Process analyses, recipes, personal experience
Ineffective Description
 Uses dull, ordinary vocabulary
 Lacks sensory information
 Fails to follow a logical sequence
 Provides unfocused, excessive detail
Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for

them to know
Dull Verbs and Modifiers
I went up the beach, past colorful rocks,
and then I could see him looking into an
old log.
Who looked?
What kinds of colors?
How was the action done?
Some Vivid Verbs & Modifiers
“I stumbled a little woozily up the beach,
clambering over the boulders of quietly
hallucinatory colours, and then from my new
vantage point saw Mark away in the distance
on his knees and peering into an old log”
(Adams 121).
Ineffective Vocabulary
 Inaccurate, vague nouns
thing, way, stuff, type, method, factor…

 Dull verbs
be, do, get, go, have, make…

 Clumsy modifiers
misused or misplaced adjectives, adverbs, etc.
Where do I find the words?
EVERYWHERE!
 Formal sources: reference books,
professional journals, news media, etc.
 Informal sources: peers, TV, Internet
blogs, videos, novels, poetry, podcast
interviews—especially with
writer-performers
Accurate Nouns?

Nouns are names for people, places, and

things—they can be very accurate, or
very generic.
Choose whichever is appropriate.
What makes a choice appropriate?
Accurate Nouns

 spiky purple flowers

 water lilies
 Nymphaeaceae
 ????
Dull Verbs
Dull verbs only tell us the basic facts,
lacking descriptive dimension:

I walked to the store.

Revising Verbs I
Changing the verb can add meaningful information
in just one word:

- I slogged to the store.

Now we know it took great effort to do the action,

and we may feel what the author felt.
Dull Verbs II
Some common boring verbs:

be, do, get,

go, have, make,
put, run, see,
take, talk, use
Revising Verbs II
To enliven your verbs, circle the repeated
boring ones, and replace them with more
meaningful verbs:
She ran to answer the phone.

She sprinted to answer the phone.

Power Verbs in Résumés
Dynamic, achievement-oriented verbs, such as
Created Formed Constructed
Studied Managed Generated
Excelled Honored Initiated
Formulated Recognized Negotiated
Designed Accomplished Operated
Led Achieved Mastered
Produced Wrote Developed
Supervised Served Presented
Executed
Clumsy Modifiers
 Dull Adjectives:
good, bad, nice, great, different, happy

 Confusing placement:
The damaged student’s car

I fought off the dog in my pajamas.

Finding it ransacked, I entered the house.

Adjectives
Adjectives (and adverbs) prevent an action or
a thing being any other way:
He spoke softly.
He didn’t speak loudly or hysterically.

My generous neighbor.
Our attention is drawn to the neighbor’s generosity, not
sense of humor or annoying habits.
Revising Adjectives
He was a nice guy.
What’s your definition of nice?

It was a difficult time for me.

What made it difficult? How was it so?
Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for

them to know
Sensory Information
Our readers NEED to have sensory input.
Sensory Information
Sensory input: words that have to do with
sight
feeling (texture and emotions)
taste
smell
sound
Sensory Information
Before writing, visualize the scene, situation,
person, or process.

Note the colors, arrangements or

sequences, sounds, smells, thoughts or
feelings involved.
Sensory Detail
“The smell of the bush, the smell of the dust and
grass, caught at [Mma Ramotswe’s] heart as it
always did; and now there was added a whiff of
wood smoke, that marvellous, acrid smell that
insinuates itself through the still air of morning
as people make their breakfast and warm their
hands by the flames” (Smith 196).
Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for

them to know
Essential Sensory Information
Our readers need to have ONLY the most
IMPORTANT sensory input!
Decide What Is Important
As writers for an American audience,
YOU need to decide what is important
for your readers to know—and what
can be left out.

Every bit of description has to have a

purpose.
Not every sense needs mentioning…

I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth,

egg-shaped, brass doorknob, and turned without resistance.
I pushed open the door and looked around the room that
smelled of rose water and ozone. I turned and walked with
creaking footsteps across the hallway to the next door down
on my right at the two o’clock position. It was inlaid with
mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips. Through the door I
could hear shouting.
Tools for Revising 1

Engage your senses!

Recall or imagine the sounds, smells, tones of
voice, textures, etc.
Determine if the words on the page
represent the most important sensory details.
What Would You Change?

I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth,

egg-shaped, brass doorknob, and turned without resistance.
I pushed open the door and looked around the room that
smelled of rose water and ozone. I turned and walked with
creaking footsteps across the hallway to the next door down
on my right at the two o’clock position. It was inlaid with
mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips. Through the door I
could hear shouting.
Tools for Revising 2

Consider your audience

We use different words and phrases for
different settings.
What does it mean to be appropriate?
Technical Writing
Job applications
Tailor your experience to each job description

Process Reports
Include what has an effect on the outcome
Make every statement NEW information
Characterization in Profile Essays
 States of mind: mood, emotions, personality
 Physical expressions show readers
 e.g., fast heartbeat, twitchy smile, bright eyes
 Speech mannerisms
 Quality of dress: neat, frumpy, expensive,
cheap . . .
 Can show class, gender, etc.
Tools for Revising 3
Engage your best writing tools: a thesaurus
and a dictionary!
1) Find an alternate related to your first word.
2) Look up the meaning of the alternate to see
if it really fits.
3) If it doesn’t fit, rinse and repeat!
Take Time to Brainstorm!
 Visualize
 Feel your own emotions
 Giving physical sensations “shows”
readers instead of just “telling” readers
 Consider several words
for the same topic
 Recall your own experiences
Questions to ask while drafting
 What did it look like?
 Where was it in relation to other things?
 What did you smell? Hear? Taste?
 How did you feel at the time? Afterward?
 Physical sensations
 Emotional sensation
Drafting
 Draft and put aside for a while

 Revise for importance to audience,

relevance to topic, and
order or sequence for organization
Review: Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers

2. Have words for readers’ sensory

imagination

3. Tell readers what is important for

them to know
Bibliography
Adams, Douglas and Mark Carwardine. Last Chance to See. New York: Ballantine,
1990.
Littlefield, Jamie. “25 Powerful Verbs for Your Résumé.” About.com. 2009. The New York
Times Co. 26 Jan. 2009.
http://distancelearn.about.com/od/usingyourdegree/a/15verbs.htm
Lunsford, Andrea. “20 Most Common Errors.” EasyWriter Resources. n.d. Bedford/St.
Martin’s. 12 April 2011. http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/easywriter3e/20errors/19.asp
Meyers, Alan. Writing with Confidence: Writing Effective Sentences and Paragraphs 6th
Edition. New York: Longman, 2000.
Smith, Alexander McCall. Morality for Beautiful Girls. New York: Anchor, 2002.
Thackston, Karen. “Copywriting and Your Five Senses.” About.com. 2006. The New
York Times Co. 20 Oct. 2006
http://advertising.about.com/od/copywriting/a/fivesenses.htm
 Descriptive Writing
Vivid Verbs and Sensuous Sentences