Psychology of

couple
ROIBAN PAULA
Love and Relationship
Love, particularly romantic love and partnership love, has been a popular research theme in social science since the mid-twentieth century.
Since then love has been conceptualised and operationalised, and tools have been designed to measure it (Hatfield et al., 2011; Karandashev
& Clapp, 2015), while the models have become more complex (e.g. Karandashev & Clapp, 2015).

Psychological discussions have tended to focus on the extent to which love is an emotion, what its characteristics are and what its constituent
parts might be (Masaryk, 2012). Love has also been considered as a means of self-reflection and identity moulding (Mouton & Montijo, 2017).
Psychological concepts of love
Sternberg (1995, 2008) bases his theory around the fact that people have a
specific idea about love (they have their own story of love), and they expect their
own relationship to resemble it. If both partners have the same idea of that story,
then no matter how peculiar the relationship, or even absurd to others, their
shared story—their love—will work. But if their ideas of the story differ, the
relationship will begin to fall apart, no matter how harmoniously it develops or
seems to others.

The process of getting to know the other person affects the ideas, feelings and
wisdoms that we have acquired along with our emotional baggage from the past.
Sternberg thinks that in principle our stories are influenced by the environment
and culture in which we live, so our stories can change over time and across
space. We spend our whole lives listening to and being aware of various stories
about love, and we can draw on all these stories when we create our own ones.
(Cassepp-Borges, V., Gonzales, J. E., Frazier, A., & Ferrer, E. (2023).
 WHAT IS LOVE ?

The german psychologyst Erich Fromm emphasizes the meaning of

love regarding to relationship from his point of view in the next
qouate :
„Love isn't something natural. Rather it requires discipline,
concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism.
It isn't a feeling, it is a practice. Paradoxically, the ability to be
alone is the condition for the ability to love. ” (Erich Fromm,
(1956),The Art of Loving ).
 The stage of love

I.LUST
At the beginning of a relationship, the first stage a couple goes through is lust, which is
dominated by hormones. This phase tends to be the most intensely determined by physical
appearance where two individuals tend to feel a deep connection due to their external
features. Studies have found that the euphoric stage can last between six months and two
years, but in some cases it depends on the individuals.
In this stage for both woman and the man, sex hormones play an important role and tend to
increase the chances of genetic reproduction, more precisely for the woman the hormone is
called estrogen and for the man testosterone.
 II. ATTRACTION

The second stage of a relationship is attraction where partners are fascinated by each other and
in most cases tend to create a delusional reality about their feelings for each other. Attraction
involves brain pathways that control, reward, behavior, which may partly explain why the first few
weeks or months of a relationship can be so emotional and profound. This phase activates
different types of hormones that contribute to pleasure and intimacy between two lovers. Feelings
come from the part of the brain known as the cerebral cortex, which has a stronger influence than
the rational part, so partners tend to do completely irrational actions, just like the automatic flight
or fight reflex that causes someone to run away from a dangerous lion instead of silently thinking
of the survival plan. One of the most intense hormones in love is dopamine, which plays an
essential role in the brain, it helps to achieve pleasant feelings between two partners, brain x-rays
have shown that passionate attraction activates some areas of the brain where there were large
amounts of dopamine.
III. Attchament

The final stage of a relationship is attachment, where partners reach the deepest level and create a
strong bond of closeness. The attachment stage refers to a more meaningful bond that develops
between two people, moving from a romantic relationship to an advanced level of wholehearted love.
This final phase reveals the true compatibility between two partners, where chemical hormones are
decreasing and partners tend to become more aware of the reality around them, that's why in most
cases many couples tend to end their relationship because monotony sets in and the relationship is no
longer so easy to handle and requires a lot of effort and sacrifice to maintain it. Also, a dark side of
attachment in a relationship is toxic addiction when a person feels they cannot live without their loved
one. From a different point of view, attachment can also be a step towards the stage of a meaningful
and long relationship when partners learn what truly real and mature love is.
 The best of me By Nicholas Sparks
The romance novel ,, The best of me ,, written by the famous American author Nicholas Sparks , is one of my
favorite books I have ever read and has a soft place in my heart .

This novel depicts a meaningful and dramatic love story between two high school teenagers , more specialy
between the most beautiful girl from the oriental American town named Amanda Colier and Dawson Cole a poor
boy with a different backgound who is involved in problmes with authorities.

Despite their deep love for each other, he was rejected by the girl family because the man belonged to an inferior
society in comparation with their statuts . They therefore wanted to force their daughter to end the relationship so
she could concentrate on her future and built a briliant career.

So many years later Tuck Hostetler, their mutual old friend ,sends them a letter before his death with
instrucnctions they must fullfill. He did this on purpose to bring them back togheter ,because he knows that they
are destined for each other.

Hand of destiny make Amanda and Dawson meet again 25 years later,altough she got married and had children.
Despite the current situation in which they were involved as mature adults,they decide to continue their love in
secret because of their deep love for each other.

The novel has a dramatic ending in which Amanda son has a a tragic car accident and is on the verage of death
and in urgent need a heart implant . Her son is saved by Dawson, who dies in an accident and donates his heart
to the boy.

This love story melted my heart and proved to me that love is the strongest force in life. When two person are
meant for each other , fate will bring them together, even if they have to go trough fortune to reach the rainbow.
“ Love can be like a rase in
montaigne-russe and it happens ,for
the most people out of the blue .
You are not even warned when it
can hit you , at least apparently,you
cannot control it . ”
-Allan and Barbara Pease
 Bibliography

Cassepp-Borges, V., Gonzales, J. E., Frazier, A., & Ferrer, E. (2023). Love and
Relationship Satisfaction as a Function of Romantic Relationship Stages. Trends in
Psychology, 1-16.

Nicholas Sparks (2010) ,,The best of me”

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● Jupiter is the biggest planet in our Solar System
● Neptune is the farthest planet from the Sun
● Saturn is the ringed one and a gas giant