Overcoming

the
Dark Side
of Leadership
Session One: The Dangers of the Dark Side
Desert Sun INDIAN WELLS - The Rev. David
Tyrell XXXXX, the Southwest Community
Church pastor under fire for revelations of nude
hot-tub photographs of him with his wife and a
married parishioner, resigned Saturday.
The Dark Side is Everywhere!
The Dark Side Top Ten Dangers List

10. Stagnant, Ineffective Organizations

9. Anger, Frustration & Cynicism
8. Church Splits
7. Premature Ministry Drop-Out
/Rapid Staff Turnover
6. Substance Abuse
The Dark Side Top Ten Dangers List

5. Forced Resignation
4. Burnout & Physical Illness
3. Sexual Immorality
2. Divorce & Family Break-Up
1. Loss of Ministerial Credentials &
Shame as well as Discredit to the
Cause of Christ
The Big Picture

Session One Every leader suffers from some degree

of personal dysfunction ranging on a
continuum from extremely mild to
extremely acute.
Our personal dysfunction(s) very often
serves as the driving force behind our
desire to become leaders and achieve
what we perceive to be success.
The Big Picture

Many leaders are not aware of the

Session Two
dysfunction that drives them - it is that
ignorance that allows our dark side to
develop unchecked.
The dysfunction(s) that often drive us to
succeed and achieve success as leaders
generally have a shadow side that can
produce significant failures once we have
attained a level of successful leadership.
The Big Picture

Session Three
Identifying and understanding our
particular dark side will enable us to deal
with it more effectively and develop a
personal plan for overcoming its
negative, destructive influences.
The Big Picture

Session Four
Developing a personal plan that will
help us consistently overcome our
unique dark side and enable us to
exercise healthy, God-glorifying,
failure-free leadership.
What is Personal Dysfunction?

Personal dysfunction is anything that impairs

our normal functioning in relationships,
human interaction and/or life situations.
Examples of Dysfunction

An Attitude …“I’m not worth liking…

...I deserve the best of everything”

A Behavior …passive/aggressive actions..

..lying…violent anger…acute shyness.

A Thought …“I will never succeed at

anything”…“I always fail.”
Examples of Dysfunction

A Habit … pornography, alcoholism,

compulsive spending…compulsive exercise
or eating, etc.

A Fear … of death … failure …loss, etc.

A Memory … abuse … ridicule … pain

The Practical Reality of Dysfunction

•Physical Abuse

•Parental Divorce
•Teasing
• Acne
•Adoption, Abortion •Alcoholic
•Rejection
•Social Stigma

Mild •Death

Acute
Where Does Dysfunction Come From?

The Fall

Family of Origin

Personal Experiences

Personal Circumstances
Why Doesn’t God Just Remove Them?
Why doesn’t He Remove our Physical Ailments …?

Nearsighted

Asthma

Diabetes
Why Doesn’t God Just Remove Them?

1. They provide the raw material for our

character development.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let
endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and
complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4
Why Doesn’t God Just Remove Them?

1. They provide the raw material for our

character development.

And not only this, but we also exult in tribulations, knowing that
tribulation brings perseverance; and perseverance, proven
character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not
disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within
our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:3-5
Why Doesn’t God Just Remove Them?

2. They serve as the anvil upon which

God shapes our leadership.

Joseph Paul
Moses Lincoln
David Churchill
Esther FDR
How Does Dysfunction Contribute?

Our personal dysfunctions are a normal part of

human development in this fallen world; there
is no way they can be avoided. However, when
we respond to them in negative, unhealthy ways,
the development of our dark side begins.
What Makes Our Dark Side So Dangerous?

Our natural responses to our dark side...

Denial Blame
Self-deception Victimization
Rationalization Defeatism
Justification
Cover-up
SESSION TWO
Understanding The Needs That Drive Us

Our Pyramid of Needs

Self
Actualization

Esteem

Love

Safety

Physiological
Missing Blocks on Our Pyramid of Needs

What happens when some of these most basic

needs are never adequately satisfied? Worse
yet, what happens when we experience some
traumatic event during our childhood or
developmental years that causes us to feel
threatened in one of these essential areas of need?
Missing Blocks on Our Pyramid of Needs

When certain events and/or experiences threaten

us in one of our need areas or when we are
deprived in any way, we should expect that
satisfying that particular need will become a
controlling element of our personality.
Events & Experiences that Create
Unmet Needs...

Divorce of Parents Death of a Parent

Perfectionistic Parents Physical Abuse

Rejection by Love Interest Adolescent Teasing

Cut from an Athletic Team Economic Deprivation

Debts We Cannot Pay...

Divorce
Abuse
Adoption
Sibling Death
School Failures
Others...
A Drive to Succeed…
Compensation Theory:

Lincoln
Douglas MacArthur
Jim Bakker
Bill Clinton
Billy Graham
Me and You ?
A Pattern Emerges...

STAGE Basic Element Explanation

of Stage of Stage
Stage One Needs

Stage Two Traumatic

Experiences
Stage Three Existential
Debt
Stage Four Dark Side
Development
An Example of Dark Side Development:

Stage One: Needs

Stage Two: Traumatic Experiences

Stage Three: Existential Debt

Stage Four: Dark Side Development

SESSION THREE

Identifying Your Dark Side

The
Profile
Dark Side Profile Scoring
PLOTTING KEY
A=Passive-Aggressive
B=Compulsive
COMPULSIVE C=Paranoid
D=Narcissistic
E=Co-dependent
IV E

NA
ESS -
E
A G S SI V

RC
IS S
GR
PA

IS T
IC
SCORING LEGEND
0-4 Little to No Influence
4-8 Significant Negative
CO Influence
-D ID
8-12 Potentially Destructive
Influence
EP O
EN A N
D A R
EN P
T
Compulsive Leaders - Causes:

Perceived Lack of Control

Causes

Need for Approval

Latent or Repressed Anger

Compulsive Leaders - Characteristics:

Characteristics
Perfectionistic

Status Conscious

Workaholism
Compulsive Leaders - Challenges:

Resist Temptation to be Controlling

Challenges

Perfectionistic Tendencies

Resist Focusing on Performance

and Approval
(transactional vs. transformational)
Narcissistic Leaders - Causes:

Feelings of Inferiority
Causes

Deep Needs for Self-Validation

Personal Uncertainty
Narcissistic Leaders - Characteristics:

Characteristics
Grandiose Visions & Intense Ambition

Personal Exploitation

Self-Absorption
Narcissistic Leaders - Challenges:

Servant Leadership
Challenges

The Balance of Vision & Realism

Finishing What’s Started

Paranoid Leaders - Causes:

Childhood Trust Issues

Causes

Suspicion

Personal Insecurity
Paranoid Leaders - Characteristics:

Characteristics
Alliance Building
(scheming & secrecy)

Overreaction to Criticism

Rigid Structures for Control

Paranoid Leaders - Challenges:

Trusting Others
Challenges

Developing Intimate Relationships

Personal Transparency
Empowerment of Others
Co-dependent Leaders - Causes:

Family of Origin Dependency Issues

Causes

Rigid, Legalistic or Oppressive

Family System

Need to Keep the Peace

Co-dependent Leaders - Characteristics:

Characteristics
Inability to Say “No”

Obsessive Fear of Disappointing Others

Appearance of Benevolence

Repressed Anger and Hostility

Co-dependent Leaders - Challenges:

Learning to Say “No”

Challenges

Resisting False Guilt

Refusing Responsibility for
Feelings of Others
Living with Unresolved Conflict
Passive-Aggressive Leaders - Causes:

Rigid or Demanding Childhood

Causes

A Traumatic Failure

Personally High Standards

for Performance
Passive-Aggressive Leaders - Characteristics:

Characteristics
Resistance to Goal-Setting & Planning

Pattern of Erratic Emotional Behavior

Pessimistic Attitude (future)

Blaming Others
Passive-Aggressive Leaders - Challenges:

Planning and Goal Setting

Challenges

Receiving Criticism & Evaluations

Processing Anger and Expressing

it Properly
SESSION FOUR
Life-long Steps for Overcoming the Dark Side
Step 1 Acknowledge Your Dark Side
Step 2 Examine the Past
Step 3 Resist the Poison of Expectations
Step 4 Practice Progressive Self-Knowledge
Step 5 Understand Your Identity in Christ