Deaths Prompt Affordable Long Island

Proposed iPod Ban Rail Road Tickets Act

By Joe Rios One SBU student commented, “People are By Jamie Freiermuth fellow student brought up the unaffordabil-
___________ just idiots. At a crosswalk, they don't do ___________ ity of LIRR tickets for students, Antonelli
the simple things, like looking both ways had the bill on the floor. “As a representa-
The news rapidly crossed the globe, before crossing. They automatically think Students coming back to Stony Brook tive of the undergraduate student body it is
from New York to London to Australia. that just because they are at a crosswalk, met with a surprising expense relief this my obligation and duty to do my best to
Just a few days ago, a New York state sen- they are completely safe. There is no spring semester. The USG’s Affordable accommodate their concerns,” he said.
ator proposed legislation to make the use excuse for not being aware of your sur- Long Island Rail Road Tickets Act (ALIR- “This was the first time I had actually heard
of any technological device in a crosswalk roundings.” This holds especially true on a RT) is now in effect, allowing students to a student complaint as an elected official so
subject to a fine similar to jaywalking. campus like Stony Brook, where some stu- purchase their LIRR tickets at a discounted it was extremely important to make sure
State Senator Carl Kruger is the man dents don’t even look to see if the road is rate, half off the ticket price to both city something was done.” The USG has
behind the legislation, inspired after two clear before stepping out into traffic. dwellers and weekend partiers alike. received a barrage of sarcastic concern
pedestrians were killed in crosswalks, both Stony Brook alum and former Press edi- With the markdown, tickets are six and over the years, including many implica-
of whom were wearing headphones. tor Sam Goldman spoke briefly on the nine dollars roundtrip to Jamaica and Penn tions of apathy towards student concerns.
The legislation does not only target matter from his residence in Brooklyn: Station, respectively. “This program reach-
iPods; also included are video gaming “Well, it’s entirely unenforceable. How in es out to anyone who is looking for some
devices, blackberries, and cell phones. God’s name is a cop supposed to police
“This program reaches
off-campus entertainment or any other rea-
Anyone caught in a this?” son they would like or need to go to NYC,” out to anyone who [...]
NYC crosswalk Paul Steeley White said Sophomore USG Senator Joseph
using these devices from NYC transporta- Antonelli, the proposing senator, and the
would like or need to
could face a sum- tion advocacy group recipient of much praise for his work on the get to NYC”
mons and a $100 Transportation act.
Joseph Antonelli
fine. Kruger defends Alternatives spoke on The USG and students alike are pleased Sophomore USG Senator
the legislation, citing the matter of this with the Act’s student-wide, all-encom-
that technology has pedestrian legislation passing nature. The Activities Fee is a Students can purchase the tickets at the
become a dangerous Teh Interwebz during an interview large part of an undergraduate’s expenses, Student Activity Center’s ticket booth, and
distraction: “You iPod Zombie, yes, they exist! with ABC7TV: "iPods and it’s uncommon for the funds to be allot- are limited to four roundtrip tickets per
can't be fully aware of your surroundings if don't kill pedestrians. Cars and trucks kill ted to programs all students can partake in, month, one per week, perfect for a resident
you're fiddling with a Blackberry, dialing a pedestrians. So instead of blaming the vic- even ones without club affiliation. “It is student’s weekend commute home. The
phone number, playing 'Super Mario tim, our elected officials should be passing always nice when you can put the money to trips are off-peak, and the school has
Brothers' on a Game Boy or listening to tougher laws for reckless driving." use for something that will affect students ordered 500 tickets to Penn, and 300 to
music on an iPod." While the legislation is only being pro- on such a large scale,” said Antonelli Jamaica, allowing 200 students to take
As the news broke, the techno-savvy posed, and the odds of it actually surviving “Unfortunately, ideas like this don't happen advantage of the price cut each week.
Internet population was in an uproar over as law are extremely low, if anything can very often but, as they come in, I plan to Tickets are not ordered for the Winter or
the fact that such preposterous legislation be learned from this controversy, it is that work on them as best as possible.” Summer sessions. According to Section
would be even considered. In the streets of common sense truly is needed in order to “This bill is a perfect example of what Two of the Act, ALIRRT is set to be a con-
the city, some rejected the notion that leg- survive in the city. Long story short, listen USG is here for,” said Antonelli, alluding tinued tradition by the USG to provide this
islation is necessary. Here on campus, stu- to what your mother told you, and look to the bill as his response to an actual stu- service to Stony Brook undergraduate stu-
dents thought the legislation to be absurd. both ways before crossing. dent complaint. Just a week or so after a dents.

CW Post RA’s Fired Over Mock Hostage Video

By Joe Rios
___________
A mere 45 minutes from Stony
Brook, at Long Island University’s CW
Post campus, five Resident Assistants,
or Resident Advisors as they are called
at CW Post, are fighting to keep their
jobs after being dismissed for making a
mock hostage video.
In the grainy video that was briefly
posted on Yo u Tube, the five Resident
Advisors dressed up in ski masks, hold-
ing a knife to the neck of a yellow rub-
ber ducky. In the video, the RA’s spoke
in what is being defined as “stereotypi-
cal middle eastern accents,” saying,
“we demand iPod,” between incoherent,
high-pitched screaming.
The university took immediate
action, firing the five Resident
Advisors, and their supervisor, the
Resident Hall Director for Brookville
Hall. The RAs’ lawyer has since filed an
injunction, keeping the university from
2
removing their positions. Their attor-
ney, Frederick Brewington, said, “They
are to be left alone.”
The news managed to reach the
national level in a matter of no time,
being mentioned in papers and on T V
across the country. Certain parts of the
A Bathtub
Rubber Duckie
Muslim community are outraged about
the video. “I think it's not a prank,” said
Ghazi Khankan, a member of the board
of the American Muslim A l l i a n c e ,
“Campuses are for enlightenment and
www.thestonybrookpress.com
for teaching us to get along, to respect
each other, to know how to live togeth-
e r. ”
Meanwhile, back on the Long Island
Campus, the five face judicial hearings
within the university, to determine if
any academic punishments will be
waged against them. While that is going
on, the university itself has split into
two camps, those who think that the
video was offensive, and those who are
supporting the RAs, and believe that the
whole situation has gotten completely
out of hand. Some students have gone
as far as starting petitions to support the
five Resident Advisors.
Frank Schlegel, a senior at CW p o s t
who has lived in Brookville hall his
entire academic career, spoke to
Newsday on We d n e s d a y, stating, “I
thought it was hysterical. There's no
way it can be seen as these guys are
being racist. It was strictly made for
entertainment. They're not troublemak-
ers of any sort.”
In addition to the injunction to keep
the Resident Advisors from being fired,
Brewington filed a 2.5 million dollar
“I think it’s not a prank,[...]
Campuses are for enlighten -
ment and for teaching us to
get along”
Ghazi Khankan
Board of the American Muslim Alliance
lawsuit on Friday for “wrongful termi-
nation and discrimination” at the hands
of the University. One of the RA’s ,
Robert Bennett, stated that their inspira-
tion came from the box-office hit “Te a m
America: World Police”. While that
movie was highly successful despite its
c o n t ro v e rs y, the Resident Advisors of
C W Post are unlikely to be as fortunate.
 Compiled By Rebecca Kleinhaut, Madeline Scheckter and Alex Nagler
Stonehenge Houses Excavated
Researchers believe that they may have found houses
of the people who helped to construct Stonehenge.
Archaeologists working in Durrington Walls, a site that
lies east of Stonehenge, excavated eight houses there at
the end of January. Mike Parker Pearson, a researcher
who has been working on the excavations, said that they
also found the outlines of wooden furniture, such as beds
and tables, and many animal bones. “We’ve never seen
such quantities of pottery and animal bone and flint,”
said Pearson. The researchers believe that these houses
were only used for seasonal purposes, and postulate that
people traveled to Durrington to feast and celebrate the
dead; many of them had their ashes scattered inside of
Stonehenge. Researchers have also recently discovered
another “henge” made of wood, which rests closer to
Durrington.
“Doomsday” Vault Announced
The Norwegian government recently approved a plan
to build a five million dollar vault into the side of a
mountain. However, it will not be filled with money, but
will become the new home to hundreds of crop seeds
that are indigenous to many different areas around the
world. The Global Crop Diversity Trust, which is,
according to its mission statement, an independently
funded group that is seeking to “ensure the conservation
and availability of crop diversity for food security
worldwide,” will cover the cost for the “doomsday”
vault. It will be built approximately three hundred feet
into the middle of the mountain Spitsburgen on the
Svalbard Islands, which lay north of the mainland of
Norway. Its location will ensure that the seeds will be
properly refrigerated by permafrost in the event of a
mechanical failure. According to a press release from
Global Crop, the vault will consist of two large main
chambers that are capable of holding over three million
seeds. Samples will be stored at zero degrees Fahrenheit,
allowing many of them to last for decades. Once the
vault is built, it is expected that it will only be visited
about once a year, ensuring that it will be able to func-
tion without much human involvement. The vault is
expected to be operational by next year.
Palestinians Sign Peace Accord
On February 8th, the two main feuding factions in
Palestine signed a peace accord that seeks to end fight-
ing and the freeze on the Palestinian government.
Khaled Meshal of Hamas traveled to Mecca and signed
the accord in conjunction with Mahmoud A b b a s ,
President of the Palestinian Authority and a prominent
leader of Fatah, Hamas’ main rival. In an attempt to
rebuild the Palestinian government, Abbas also reinstat-
ed Hamas’ Ismail Haniya as Prime Minister. According
to BBC News, Abbas has given Haniya five weeks to
form a new government. It is projected that the majority
of seats will go to members of Hamas, with the remain-
der housing Fatah members and, according to The New
York Times, “independent Palestinians.” The accord
also states that all parties must “respect international
resolutions and the agreements signed by the Palestine
Liberation Organization.” While this may be a symbolic
and historic moment, many international leaders are
refusing to recognize the new Palestinian government
until they make a decision concerning their stance on
Israel. Perhaps Brisith foreign secretary Marg a r e t
Beckett best sums up the situation with the word “inter-
esting.”
Water Main Breaks, Inconveniences Many
On Tuesday, February 6th, many students arrived on
campus to find portions of Circle Road closed and many
bathrooms marked off with police tape. Many students
woke up to discover that they could not shower or use
the toilets in their rooms. The trouble actually began
late Monday night when a water main near the Centers
for Molecular Medicine broke. Campus Operations and
Maintenance shut down water around 11pm to begin
repairs. Repairs were completed by the end of the day
Tuesday; Circle Road remained shut as late as 6 pm.
Water main breaks are not an uncommon occurrence.
According to The Water Science and Technology Board,
over 200,000 breaks occur each year. According to the
Milwaukee Water Works, main breaks can be caused by
www.thestonybrookpress.com
changes in water pressure, corrosive surrounding soil,
pressure from heavy traffic, and, of course, ground
movement, which can be caused by frost. MWW states
that half of all water main breaks occur during
December and January.
Anna Nicole Smith Dies.
Anna Nicole Smith was found unresponsive in her
hotel room on February 8th, only to be pronounced dead
on arrival an hour later at a local hospital. While initial
autopsy reports indicate no foul play or drug involve-
ment, a judge ruling on the custody of Smith’s five-
month-old daughter has ordered that Smith’s body be
preserved until February 20th so that a paternity hearing
can be held. Smith was seen by many to be a figure akin
to Marilyn Monroe. Salon.com author Cintra Wilson
wrote in her obituary of Smith that both Smith and
Monroe possessed “an unsettlingly powerful physical
beauty, collapsing irresistibly in real time beneath the
frailties of its hostess. She was entropy porn at its
finest.”
Barack Obama Running for President.
Standing proudly in the same location where
Abraham Lincoln delivered his famous “A House
Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand” speech, another
aspiring Illinois orator threw his hat into the ring for the
2008 presidential elections. Barack Obama, son of a
Kenyan goat herder, became chief editor of the presti-
gious Harvard Law Review and had his political star rise
quickly after the 2004 Democratic Convention. All com-
ments by Senator Joe Biden aside, Obama has a good
chance at becoming the nation’s first African-American
president.
3
 Editorials
E d i to r i a l B o a r d

The Master
The Press Supports
Jowy Romano
Managing Editor
A n d rew Pernick
Associate Editor
Giving Romual Aides!
Alex Wa l s h
We at The Pre s s have not always had the nicest things to say defense of his aides may seem to be a valiant effort, it is under-
Business Manager
Adina Silverbush about the USG Senate. However, we take pride in the fact that mined by a fascinating trend. Our reporters, who manage to
we know enough about their legislation and procedural con- attend every meeting, have noticed that Romual only appears
P roduction Manager
Jesse “Gay4U” Schoepfer duct to know when and how to effectively question it. We wish when he has a complaint about something that the Senate does.
News Editors that we could say the same about the USG Executive Council. In a letter to the Senate about this latest saga, Romual
Rebecca Kleinhaut On February 7th, Ralph Thomas, the Vice President of accused them of trying to “micromanage the affairs of the
Madeline Scheckter
Clubs and Organizations, stood before the Senate after he was Executive Council,” but are his infrequent appearances and
F e a t u res Editor
Steve McLinden faced with legislation that would secure his impeachment. backlash at the system really serving to right the situation? It
A rts Editor When asked for his side of the story, Thomas continually seems that his failure to take part in all meetings does not back
B e rta Rezik addressed the senators with direct questions, a move that is not up his claim, but proves that the only matters that the Senate is
Photo Editors allowed during the debate of a motion. Thomas asked the sen- trying to micromanage are their own. His sudden appearances
Vincent Michael Festa
Joey Safdia ators so many questions about the impeachment process that it at certain meetings prove that Romual is only interested in the
Copy Editors seemed as if the senators were the ones who were on trial for a ffairs of the Senate when they have something to do with him,
Elizabeth Kaplan their jobs. and this behavior only serves to widen the gap between the
Alex Nagler
This meeting proved to us that Senator Nathan Shapiro was Executive Council and its counterparts in the Senate.
We b m a s t e r
Chris Wi l l i a m s right on the mark when he accused Thomas of having a “casu- We are disturbed by the Executive Council’s conduct
Audiomaster al disregard for responsibility.” His behavior during that meet- towards their responsibilities, for if anyone chooses to be a
Kristine Renigen ing proved that Thomas did not bother to prepare a defense or part of any organization, they must be prepared to learn about
Ombudsman acquaint himself with the proper procedures of the Senate. and respect all aspects of the job, including interdepartmental
Rob Pearsall
Ralph Thomas failed to fight for his job, and if this is the way communication. While many members of the Senate make it
that he treats a threat to his position on the Executive Board, easy for us to ridicule them because of their over-exuberance,
one can conclude exactly how seriously he treated the position it is this behavior that lets the student body know that the
M i n i s t e r of A rc h i v e s itself. Senate is willing to go above and beyond their regular duties.
Joe Rios
President Romual Jean-Baptiste made an appearance at the As members of The Stony Brook Pre s s, we hope that the
IT Manager
Joe Rios same meeting, but only to fight a piece of legislation that Executive Council continues their current trend of apathy
Distribution Manager
would have cut the hours of the four assistants that work in his towards matters that don’t concern them. This way, we will
Joe Filippazzo o ffice. While Romual’s appearance before the Senate in have more reasons to ridicule them along the way.

Staff
Esam Al-Shareffi Mariana Martins
Kotei Aoki Leeza Menon
Travis Aria Thomas Mets
Nicole L. Barry Jamie Mignone
Shaun Bennett Claire Mize
Melissa Bernardez Dana Murray
James Blonde Irv Novoa
Lucasz Chelminski Frank Nobiletti
Jessica Cordero John O’Dell
Caroline D’Agati Karina Offurum
Jimmy Del Kerr Laura Positano
Joe Donato Michael Prazak
Melanie Donovan Nirmala Ramsaran
Michael Felder Berta Rezik
Amelia Fischer Miguel Sanchez
Rob Gilheany Natalie Schultz
David K. Ginn Alison Schwartz
Sam Goldman Karen Shidlo
Joanna Goodman Rose Slupski
Paula Guy Christine Tanaka
Trevor Hirst Amberly Timperio
Mo Ibrahim Claudia Toloza
Alexander Kahn Lena Tumasyan
Olga Kaplun Marcel Votlucka
Michael Kelly Jake Wallace
Yve Koon Brian Wasser
Larry Lamb Ricky Whitcomb
Joan Leong Matt Willemain
Antony Lin Brian Wong
Melissa Lobel Ed Zadorozny

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4

In response to: To Stony Brook’s “Band of Brothers”
“We choose not to enter this debate.” If you do not
already know this, then you should be told; silence is more
damaging than dissent. If you choose to question a war,
whether you agree with it or not, you have a voice. And
with that voice you can change things. To be silent is to be
invisible. You do not care what happens in this world or to
other people? You would rather be silent than hurt some-
one’s feelings? Well I am sorry that you feel that way, but
your job is to speak about the issues that are important and
about wars that are unjust. Your job is to represent a student
body who feels that way. Part of the job of the Press is to
be a campus-wide forum for events that are happening in
the world. If you forfeit that duty then you should not be a
newspaper. Most of the atrocities that have occurred in this
world have been discovered and reported by journalists.
And it is because of these voices that lives have been
saved. What would you have said during the Vietnam
War? “We choose not to enter this debate because even
though this war is an atrocity, and even though thousands
of Americans are losing their lives, we are going to stick by
the troops and not discuss this war because that is how we
show our support for the men and women in uniform.”
What if nobody ever questioned anything simply because
bringing it up might upset somebody? The highest form of
patriotism is to look after the well-being of the men and
women in uniform by fighting for their release from sui-
cide missions! Not to be a silent newspaper that won’t dis-
cuss the illegitimate war that is being fought, but fight to
bring the troops home for good. At this time in history, we
need more and more people to speak up and speak out
when they are upset or happy about the direction that the
world is going in. We DO NOT need silence and we never
will!
—Sarah Wa s s e r
Ms. Wasser,
As the author of the editorial “To Stony Brook’s ‘Band of
Brothers,’” I elected to represent The Press in responding to
your letter. The statement to which you take offense, “We
choose not to enter this debate,” should be considered with-
in the context of The Pre s s’ long history of debating the
very same issue, namely President Bush’s unjust and unwar-
ranted invasion of Iraq, a war that has cost this country, and
this country’s citizens, dearly.
We have published, over the years, numerous pieces,
from hard news to editorials to Op/Ed’s, that have criticized
the war and the president. Members of The Press have, on
countless occasions, made our voices heard – we have had
staffers and editors rally at the RNC, participate in Die-Ins,
protests, marches, letter-writing campaigns, and I myself,
on the eve of the very war at issue, joined the rally and
march from the SAC to the office of the Congressman for
this district.
What should have been added to that sentence, what I
should have said, at the conclusion of the sentence at issue,
was the phrase “in this editorial.” That would have made
our stance abundantly clear. The current editorial policy of
this paper is that we, as an editorial board and as a paper,
should endeavor, whenever possible, to make our pieces as
relevant to the student body. We represent the student body,
and thus our content should do the same. Thus, in the edi-
torial to which you take offence, I elected, with the support
of the editorial board, to address those in the student body
who would be leaving our university to fight in this unjust
war.
Letters
Devoting words in such an editorial to attack the presi-
dent and his policies, as the beginning of an editorial that
shows our support of our classmates, our friends, our lovers,
our family members, would not only have been inappropri-
ate, it would have been in bad taste. These men and women
are leaving behind the peace and safety of civilian life for
the uncertainty and hellishness of a war where every
American is seen as the enemy, and saluting them while, at
the same time, also attacking the very war where they may
very well be laying down their lives would be an affront to
their sacrifices.
Thus, we chose to omit the debate of how the president’s
decisions are horrendous, and thus his long history of mak-
ing mistake after mistake, costing life after precious life,
and thus we chose to focus on sending off our classmates,
our friends, our lovers, our family members, with as posi-
tive a tone as possible, leaving the debate about the war for
another day.
Even a cursory reading of our past issues, dating back to
the first rumors of a planned invasion of Iraq, would reveal
our position on how heinous, how downright sinful, such an
invasion is. Thus, choosing to take a back seat for one edi-
torial is, in the grand scheme of things, given how much ink
we have devoted to challenging the Bush administration
and fostering debate about the very issues at hand, not as big
an issue as you make it out to be.
You can take it from me, we are as entrenched in our
opposition to this war in all of its forms as possible. We
have protested, we have written, we have screamed, shout-
ed, and made our voices known. And we will continue to
do so. We do not shy away from debates. The one thing
that must be made clear is that there is a time and a place for
all of this, and the editorial you take issue with was neither.
I promise you, we, as an editorial board, are against this
war, and we will continue to be against it, and we will con-
tinue fostering debate and bringing attention to how much
of a miserable failure the entire endeavor has been and is,
until it is over. All I did, speaking on behalf of the editori-
al board, with their full, informed consent, was have the
paper take a back seat for but one piece. Trust me, trust this
paper, we will debate and oppose this war until it is over.
—Andrew Pernick,
Managing Editor
Re: “To Stony Brook’s Band of Brothers”
Ludwig Feuerbach once said: “..for the present age…the
highest degree of illusion comes to be the highest degree of
sacredness.” We live not in an age of terror, but in an age of
symbol...an age of representative, manufactured, illusionary,
controlled forms of interpreting the world around us. We live in
an age where the surface projection of something is what seems
to matter. We live in a soundbyte age where purchasing a
bumper sticker with colors that don't run is more patriotic than
actually doing our nation good and working towards a better
human condition. We live in a time when watching TV, or sign-
ing into myspace, alone in our rooms somehow makes us feel
connected. We live in an era when the color of the terror-threat
scale determines how we view world events, when Jesus the
man is less important than the symbol white America has made
him, and when wearing a Che shirt is more important than
being revolutionary.
A subconscious obsession with the superficial: such is the
patriotism of the act of willingly entering a war, regardless of its
immorality. Such an act, combined with our praise of the act,
falls within the culture that induces fixation with violence and
cold indifference to fellow humanity, ultimately allowing our
leaders to create such wars in the first place. We live in an age
www.thestonybrookpress.com
where the most sacred form of patriotism seems to be this act
of "serving" your country by being a part of the machine
which, in the end, actually harms our country, our future, and
our world more than it does good (a fact of which those in
power are well aware). This is the highest manifestation of
patriotism? A sad day indeed when acts of violence, acts of
serving destructive institutions, are praised as paramount per-
sonal and national achievements. Such is the fault in our con-
dition, and such is the fault of anyone who commits them-
selves to such a regressive endeavor. This twisted form of
patriotism, which has had us under its spell these past few
years, this seemingly highest and most sacred form, is the
most illusionary, the most delusional, the most false...
because it is based on this obsession with superficial acts of
"good deed," acts which we have been led to believe to be
noble. Such is our obsession with the troops and their valor,
a valiancy which proves disastrous in the big picture. Why is
fighting in a war more patriotic than fighting for peace?
There is more to national identity than those cliché moments
of glory.
Now I’m not saying that its entirely the troops fault for
joining. The conditions in modern American society make
enlisting a very enticing option. What I am saying is that
totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized. This is why its
so sad to me that the Press, with its apparent history of “anti-
establishment” currents, chooses not to comment on an esca-
lation of war. Sure, the Press can write, or not write, what it
wants. But to deprive your readers of critical thinking on an
important global issue shows a troubling laziness. And your
excuse, the fear of “hurting the feelings of” those who are
probably pretty used to criticism of the war in which they
participate, ends up sounding like a hollow, cheesy, feel-good
moment on Montel. What’s more, your vapid avoidance of
controversy, of tackling issues, is belittling to all who want
this war to end, because it’s just an expansion of the glorifi-
cation of violence, of disrespect, and of finding excuses for
passively going along with whatever garbage is thrown at us
from those who profit from our malaise. We all support our
troops, especially myself. You support them by hoping they
don't die and saying a prayer as they go off to war. I support
them in fighting for a situation in which they won't die and
you won’t cry. I don't just sit back and weep as I see empty
seats in classrooms. The best thing we can do to support them
is to criticize what is being done to them, and to the world, to
criticize as much as possible so that we don't have to pray
everytime we see that empty seat. Shame on you, Press.
Doing what is unexpected of you doesn’t make you pro-
found. Criticism can be more patriotic than donning a uni-
form for the simple reason that, in the long run, the former
seeks progress while the latter, in all its pomp and pageantry,
furthers societal stagnation. That’s the real tragedy… and
that’s why I feel bad for our troops. Can’t you see that war as
an event is completely different from the humans who die in
it. Supporting troops doesn’t necessitate ignoring the events
which affect them.
And remember, people obsessed with waiving flags don’t
deserve to have one.
—Tom Rahsan
M r. Rahsan,
As the author of the editorial to which you take
offense, I have elected to respond to you in officio and ex
officio, simultaneously. The Press does not, as you
claim, “praise…the [actions]” taken by President Bush
in his invasion of Iraq, nor do we, as an editorial board,
support his decision to send more troops to a failure. We
support the troops themselves. Your claim that we
“deprive [our] readers of critical thinking on an impor-
Continued on next page
5

Continued from previous page
tant global issue” is, unfortunately, incorrect. Even the
most cursory of browsings through our past issues would
show article after article, editorial after editorial, fostering
debate, expressing outrage, showing dissent, and other-
wise making the stances of the editorial board and our
staff members, as individuals, known.
We have a long history of challenging the established
order. Time after time we have devoted voluminous
amounts of ink to providing our readers with as much
information as possible about this war. We have written
until our fingers bled, so to speak. Your accusation that
we have a “vapid avoidance of controversy” is baseless,
given our content. To name our most blatant controversial
act, we have run an article where the photo accompanying
said piece was blatantly pornographic. This paper’s histo-
ry is one of creating controversy by informing our readers
of problems that they might not know even exist. This
very issue is, in a sense, devoted to starting controversy,
by provoking a standoff between the students and the
P re s s,
Word can't express my disappointment with your delib-
erate decision to cut legitimate Green Party candidates out
of your Issue 4 elections guide. In addition to a show of
disrespect for your readers and for our democracy, your
act of repression amounts to an endorsement of the inva-
sion and ongoing occupation of Iraq, a devastating policy
error of incalculable human suffering.
This exclusion of Greens was not a mistake and it was
not an inevitability. I exchanged emails or dialogs with,
among others, three of the Press' four executive board
members (Jowy Romano, Andrew Pernick and Alex
Walsh) on the subject well in advance of the completion of
the issue. I responded helpfully to the Press' requests to
personally assist in an inclusive expansion of the Press'
elections content. I appeared in person to inform Press
editors, who have ready communication access to me, that
written copy and photographs (perfectly consistent with
the Press' coverage of corporate candidates) were submit-
ted to the paper by email.
The case for the inclusion of the Green candidates,
which I presented clearly to the Press before the elections
guide was completed, is a no-brainer. Greens like US
Senate candidate Howie Hawkins and Attorney General
candidate Rachel Treichler were recognized as bona fide
by respected nonpartisan actors like the League of Women
Voters, which withdrew sponsorship of debates from
which the Greens were excluded. The Green candidates
stood for a well articulated policy platform entirely dis-
tinct in many important ways from the consensus between
the corporate parties. On the biggest issues facing voters,
like the ongoing occupation of Iraq, ecology, redistribu-
tive economics, clean and accessible politics and civil lib-
erties, the Green position is not only a unique voice in
elections, but it is the voice of the majority of New
Yorkers--not only their clear self interest but their existing
opinions as expressed through polling.
Most significantly, the corporate candidates at the top
of the ticket (candidates such as Hillary Clinton, John
Spencer, Elliot Spitzer and John Faso) were all supporters
of the long term continuing occupation of Iraq; according
to virtually every analyst, the Iraq war was the central
question in the election. The Press' willful editorial deci-
sion to marginalize the Greens (the antiwar party) con-
6
Letters
administration over a campus-wide failure, specifically
the abominable meal plan we have had forced down our
throats.
You unfortunately have not, it seems, read enough of
our paper to realize how clear we have made our position
on this war. Members of our staff and editorial board have
participated in protesting this war in every way you can
imagine. I myself, the author of the editorial to which you
take offense, have protested this war on innumerable
occasions.
While The Press, considered as a paper in toto, is an
“open forum,” the stance of the majority here is that we
are against this war, and against this president. We are a
student paper, comprised of students, and thus it is the pol-
icy of the editorial board, and it is an aim of this paper, to
make our articles as relevant to the student body we rep-
resent as possible. Thus, in the editorial to which you take
offense, we chose to use tact, feeling that discretion is the
better part of valor, when we addressed the students, the
classmates, the friends, the lovers, the family members
tributed to their ghettoization in the statewide electoral
process, and subverts the functioning of the competitive
mechanism in elections which could allow the public to
shape foreign policy.
The right to associate (as in political parties) and to vote
are the most fundamental to our society, and to limit
debate to a false choice denies the voting rights of every
New Yorker who, if informed, might have chosen the
Greens. Quoting your editorial on the election, "everyone
has a right to an informed opinion." Every Press editor,
either through their active participation in the decision-
making that lead to the unfortunate exclusion or through
their neglect, share responsibility for the Press' coverage,
as well as (in a small way) for every monstrous outcome
of the consequently undisputed Iraq policy.
I can't help but speculate that this is the result of the edi-
torial board's deferring important decision making to a
partisan with cronyistic personal connections to the
Democratic Party, your Managing Editor Andrew Pernick.
Jowy responded with silence to the emails to which he
was cc'd, Alex at first seemed to think that Andrew's ini-
tial decisions about how to begin the project were invio-
lable, and then later seemed to take my concerns serious-
ly. But Andrew, confronted with the suggestion of inclu-
sive coverage, responded with a shifting litany of reasons
not to include the Greens which I think can be fairly char-
acterized as bullshit. I will cite specific examples.
Late that Saturday night or Sunday morning, he told me
that the editors had put in sixteen hours on the project, and
that including the Greens would have meant changing
horses midstream and starting over from scratch. The sug-
gestion that all the work previously accomplished would
need to be discarded would be wrong even if he hadn't
grossly exaggerated the closeness to completion. In fact,
as the coverage was composed of short, modular articles
on individual candidates, including the Greens would
have only amounted to inserting 200 words on each of
four candidates into the otherwise undisturbed project--
copy which I provided satisfactorily along with photo-
graphs.
Andrew also told me that great care had gone into
designing the clean layout of the spread, and intimated
that the page design would be throw into disarray if the
Greens were included. While the Press does an OK job at
layout, it is not a fragile work of art. Finding space for the
www.thestonybrookpress.com
who would be leaving our student body to fight in this
unjust war; our means of using tact to address said stu-
dents was to omit addressing the illegality and immorality
of the war in this one instance, saving our ink and our
words for future pieces.
Our failure to devote each and every piece on this war
to attacking it does not mean, in any way, shape or form,
that we support it. The omission of verbiage attacking the
war and the president who started it in one, single instance
simply means that we are choosing our battles. There is a
time and a place for everything, and in the instance of the
editorial to which you take offense, that was neither the
time nor the place.
We support our troops. We are against this war. I do
not believe I can make our stance on this any clearer than
that.
—Andrew Pernick,
Managing Editor
Green candidates could have been accomplished with
minimal layout competence. Beyond that, allowing form
to dictate significant editorial decisions is bad newspaper-
ing.
After speculating that Andrew may have subordinated
the public interest to Democratic loyalties, I anticipate
some may argue that my efforts are those of a self interest-
ed Green partisan. That argument would ignore that
sometimes the apparent self interests of parties in a dis-
pute can match or oppose the public interest.
An example would be the dispute between Democrats
and Republicans in the national legislation around the last
US Census. The technique of the census undercounts eth-
nic minorities and the poor. The Democrats argued for the
use of modern statistical techniques to adjust the figures to
more accurately reflect the population, the Republicans
wanted to continue the current procedure, which was writ-
ten before the invention of the statistical techniques--tech-
niques that would do the job better. News coverage of the
debate largely focused on the expected consequences.
Because the census results are used to draw the district
maps for congressional seats, it was said that the
Democrats and Republicans were both acting to get more
seats in Congress. If ethnic minorities and the poor were
accurately counted, geographically their communities
would get a larger share of the fixed number of congres-
sional seats. But the issue of partisan interest here
obscures the public interest. The people who are missed
by the census exist, and they deserve to be counted, and
therefore represented in Congress, no matter which party
that will advantage.
Similarly, New York voters deserve a free and fair elec-
tion where all parties and all policy options are represent-
ed. As a Green I want to see my candidates treated fairly,
but we all benefit from the inclusion of Greens in the
debate. Competitive elections with a broad range of
options are essential to making elections meaningful.
There is no after-the-fact remedy to this problem; the
2006 elections are over. This is precisely why I didn't
wait, and brought this matter to Press leadership attention
far enough in advance of the completion of issue 4 to eas-
ily address the paper's deficient coverage.
I am left wondering why this happened.
— Matt Wi l l e m a i n

By Mai Luong
hren Watada was the first commis-
E sioned officer to publicly say the war
in Iraq was immoral and illegal and
to refuse to go. He had enlisted after 9/11
because he was willing to fight for what he
believed was the freedom and democracy of
his country. When he became convinced
that Americans had been lied to in order to
attack a country that had nothing to do with
that terrorism, that we were killing innocent
people, violating the Geneva Convention,
and that American soldiers were dying in an
unjust war, he asked to be able to resign or
to be sent to Afghanistan where al Queda is
believed to really be. The U.S. Army
refused. He was told if he did not go he
would be charged with refusing deploy-
ment. Watada chose trial and possible
imprisonment instead. When he publicly
spoke about his beliefs at anti-war events,
he was also charged with conduct unbecom-
ing an officer. This raised a new issue. Does
putting on a uniform mean one loses the
Lunar New Year - Year of the Pig E-Zine Cabinet to Cabinet Social
By Maria Ng
he Lunar New Year is an important
T annual celebration for more than a
quarter of the world's population.
Each year, the Lunar New Year falls on a
different day according to the Western
(Gregorian) calendar. This is because the
Western calendar is based on solar,
not lunar, movements. Each Lunar
Year is associated with a specific ani-
mal. This year, the Lunar New Year
falls on February 18, 2007. This day
will signify the beginning of the Year
of the Pig (Boar) and the end of the
Year of the Dog.
The Lunar New Year is associated
with many traditions. It is a time dedicated
to family. Traditionally, the New Year was
highlighted with a religious ceremony that
honored the gods and the family's ances-
tors. The Lunar New Year lasts for fifteen
days. The celebration begins on New Year's
Eve with the onset of the new moon, and
ends with the Festival of the
Lanterns fifteen days later
when the full moon appears.
Preparations for the New
Years may begin weeks before
the actual day. The Lunar New
Year is a time of renewal.
There are many traditions and
rituals associated with this
important holiday. However,
they all center upon the central themes of
liveliness, prosperity, good luck and happi-
ness. Superstitions are followed so that the
family may have a happy and prosperous
year.
In their preparations for the New Year,
families will clean their houses from top to
bottom. The expulsion of dirt symbolizes
the expulsion of bad luck. Families will
also decorate the house with paper scrolls
www.aa2sbu.org/aaezine excerpts in SB Press Vol 4 No 2 February 2007
Dedication to Lt. Ehren Watada
constitutionally protected First Amendment would very quickly end up imprisoned. ilization then the notion that people can be
right of freedom of speech? Are we fighting Instead, we were jubilant when just as made democratic by the use of military
’to bring democracy’ to others quickly, the U.S. Army judge force against them. At its core, democracy
while losing our own freedoms?
As the Asian American
Journal staff was putting together
declared a mistrial and the gov-
ernment’s case was in disarray.
We chose to dedicate this issue to
is based on non-violent dissent. Ehren
Watada has given us a rare demonstration of
the true power of democracy - by choosing
the Fall / Winter 2006-2007 AAJ the man the non-profit media resistance to an unjust war, rather than
issue with a theme about life organization, Truthout, called a silence and complicity. …War in America
changing decisions that we each “true leader of men.” Truthout rages too. The war here is for freedom and
make, we knew that our decisions gave Watada its first Freedom democracy, as surely as any war ever
were small in comparison to the and Democracy Award. Below is fought… Our battle, like any other, needs
decision Ehren some of what leaders. The U.S. Army trained Lt. Watada
Watada had made. Truthout’s Director, to be “a leader of men.” He is leading the
During the final Marc Ash, wrote men and women of our armed services in
week of layout, his about the Watada. speaking out… He is inspiring Americans
trial began, and each S e e who are struggling to make real the promise
day we read how the w w w. t r u t h o u t . o rg of freedom and democracy in this country.”
government was for the full text. The Americans at the AAJ are proud
refusing to let him “Perhaps most of Lt. Ehren Watada. The Asian Americanss
discuss his beliefs or importantly, he has are doubly proud. AAJ salutes him for con-
to bring expert wit- reminded us that the tinuing the long and hard but dedicated tra-
nesses to discuss the most courageous dition of Asian Americans fighting for
war’s immorality battles are often not American freedom and democracy. Thank
and illegality. We assumed, as did everyone fought with a gun, but with resolve. No you Lieutenant Watada!
including Watada and his family, that he falsehood stands as a greater affront to civ-
and couplets. Each scroll is engraved with By Chetan Prabhudesai ties, and performance groups.
blessings and wishes for happiness, wealth, For many good laughs, icebreakers
and longevity. Children figures in tradition- ach year [AA]2 AA E-Zine brings like The Human Knot really do work.
al Asian garments are hung in doorways.
They are seen as the personification of
"good luck."
E together the cabinets of the Asian
and Asian American student clubs
and organiza-
Instead of name tags, each person is given
the name of someone they must find and
each learns
These preparations lead up to the tions at Stony about the other.
beginning of the New Year. Surprisingly, Brook. Zaniest of all is
the beginning of the celebration While the Speed Naming.
occurs not on New Years Day, by on rest of the cam- The winner not
New Year's Eve. On the night of pus stereotypes only knows
New Year's Eve, families gather Asians as a each person’s
together to eat a large feast, tradi- monolithic name but their
tionally including seafood and group, this is an club and beats
dumplings. The food that is chosen opportunity for his opponent by
has a specific significance. Like the decora- student leaders saying both
tions, they symbolize prosperity, good luck, who may never first.
longevity and happiness. After the feast, the come in contact with each other to meet The dream is that instead of one night
family will stay up to play games and talk their peers at a night of good food and good a year, someday clubs will have their own
until midnight. At the stroke of twelve, fire- conversation. There are almost 60 Asian shared space where they can meet daily
works are set off to bring in the New Year. interest groups including traditional cultur- and really build a dynamic and interactive
The Lunar New Year is a highly antic- al ones, media, sports, fraternities, sorori- community.
ipated annual holiday. Many Asian and
Asian-American organizations sponsor
events to celebrate this impor-
ASIAN AMERICAN JOURNAL
tant day. Of particular interest ONLINE!
may be Chinatown's Lunar
New Year Festival celebration
on Feb 18 or the Tet Lunar
New Year Reception on Feb I
15. A few of Stony Brook C N
University's clubs are sponsor- A O
ing events on campus. The
M P
Asian Student Alliance (ASA)
is hosting a New Year's celebration on Tues,
A I R
N I
Feb 13. The Chinese Association at Stony
Brook (CASB) is hosting its event Wed, J G N
Feb 14. For details and a complete listing of T
events, refer to the Long Island - Metro NY
Asian and Asian American Community
Calendar, found on the Asian American E-
Zine website, or click on the following link:
http://www. a a s q u a r e d . o rg / c a l e n d a r / c a l e n-
www.aa2sbu.org/aaj
dar.pl.
Wanted! Writers, photographers, and Weekly meetings Fridays 4:30PM at our
all students interested in media. office in Student Union 071.
www.thestonybrookpress.com
7
 By: Adina Silverbush
___________
Another exciting USG senate meeting
took place Tu e s d a y, January 30th at 8:15
pm. The gallery, as well as the senate
seats were filled (a rare occurrence).
President Romual Jean Baptist was in
attendance as well as several vice presi-
dents, class reps., and members of the
Student Activities Board.
As the two hours of the USG senate
meeting went on, debates became heated
over whether or not the USG president
was entitled to multiple aides to help him
fulfill his duties, as well as whether the
VP’s should be given the same help.
Senator Shapiro was adamant to stop this
from occurring. He spoke out in open
criticism about the work the vice presi-
dents are currently doing and said Chinelo
Onochie, VP of Academic A ffairs, was the
8
only member of the executive board real-
ly deserving of aides since “She has been
working very hard getting P.A.S.S and
Alert off the ground.”
He felt that the USG’s elected off i-
cials should be doing their own jobs that
they were elected to do, not putting their
responsibilities on hired help. When
President Baptiste was given an opportu-
nity to discuss his executive boards need
for more aides his response according to
Shapiro, gave “No justification for why
they need aides, and he could not come up
with any reason other then we’ll be firing
people if these aides were eliminated.”
Senator Robert Romano, in defending the
aides gave the same justification, saying,
“We shouldn’t fire people just because
we’re not sure what purpose they serve.”
Shapiro, to show the ridiculous nature of
having aides for all eleven members of
the executive board, proposed that all sen-
www.thestonybrookpress.com
ators also receive aide, an idea that was
laughed at, but indeed helped to prove his
point to several of his fellow senators.
Baptiste was criticized in his
request for more aides then any previous
USG president has ever received and
asked by one senator, “What have you
done that no other president has done, that
warrants you needing all these extra
aides?” Baptiste’s response was with
anger, “Are you insulting my intelli-
gence?”
This fight over aides went on for
so long that Senator Hurst put his head
down and looked as if he was sleeping. It
seems to be a trend with USG senate
meetings that they waste all their time
talking about themselves. The USG
Activities Board By-Laws were also dis-
cussed but were postponed until next
week for a vote. In response to voting to
postpone these bylaws, Senator Matt
Maiorella said, “We always work in cir-
cles, why not postpone this too?” Thus
was the attitude of most of the senators
who always seem to be arguing issues
instead of working out solutions. Senator
Romano put on his jacket and got ready to
leave when he was silenced towards the
end of the meeting after he spoke out of
turn.
Senator Esam al-Shareffi pointed out
the obvious during open agenda, that the
agenda they covered didn’t affect the stu-
dents. It was only in the last two min-
utes that the possible addition of a new
DEC B, “Journalism and News Literacy,”
was mentioned and that the sale of half
price LIRR tickets would begin in the
SAC. In regards to USG making a better
e ffort to reach out to students, one sena-
tor’s plan to have a meet and greet with
students had not received a single
response from his fellow senators.

By Jonathan Singer
___________
Only 90 Stony Brook students are reg-
istered as Women’s Studies majors. The
department’s offices are limited to a few
rooms in the already small Old Chemistry
Building. Senior Katie Sheean is one of
those 90 students. After four years of edu-
cation in the field, Sheean has learned that
women need an outlet where they can
voice their opinions. “A lot of people want
to know they have a voice.” She says.
What Stony Brook does have are
women interested in the issues. Each
semester many students are drawn to the
twenty-six or so Women’s Studies classes.
But roughly half of those courses are co
listed with history, english, or sociology
classes, most of them taught by professors
in those respective departments. That’s
because Women’s Studies has only nine
professors, and many of them simply ful-
fill DEC requirements
While the department that teaches fem-
inism may be the smallest, there is an out-
let where women can voice their opinions.
Most students don’t know that Stony
Brook has its own feminist journal. Focus
on Women, on Diversity is a school publi-
cation that publishes poetry, essays, short
stories, and visual art, each piece address-
ing a different women’s issue.
In the first issue of Focus, then editor
Lois Bressler introduced the journal as “a
window into women.” That issue, volume
one number one, included 50 pages by 21
artists.
Focus volumes one through seven ran
from 1994 to 2002 without interruption.
“Sweetly manicured to deceive/
Rebuilding civilization from dusk to
eve…” writes Lisa Gattis in her poem
“Women’s Hands (vol.4 no.2 p.20).
The abrupt end in 2002 had become
somewhat of a myth when new students
became interested in bringing Focus back.
“I actually don't know why it stopped. I
wasn't around back then,” says Christa
Liotta, who heard about Focus through the
Women’s Studies department (back issues
are available in their office). Dr. Connie
Koppelman is the faculty advisor for
Focus. She has held that position since
1994. She is one of the only people who
know what the first run of Focus was like.
Koppelman supervised the spring 1996
edition, when editor Kathleen Heiser
wrote, “I see feminism as a support sys-
tem designed to lift women from the idea
that they are worthless and encourage us
to take charge of our lives…” That essay
was titled “What Does Feminism Mean to
You?”
The answer to that question is still open
to interpretation.
“I think people are afraid of the word
“feminism” because they don’t under-
stand what it means,” says Koppelman.
Her basic explanation is that “all feminists
believe in the equality of men and
women.” After many years of women’s
www.thestonybrookpress.com
Focus
liberation, Koppelman still teaches her
students that full equality has not been
reached.
“Many people think the feminist revo-
lution is over,” argues Koppelman. “Many
people are in denial that things haven’t
changed.” The professor remembers hav-
ing a male student enrolled in one of her
classes. She asked why he was there, and
the student replied, “Because there are
women.”
At the other end, Koppelman has
observed female college students who
enroll in universities simply because they
want to find a husband that will support
them as a housewife.
But Koppelman knows that there are
male feminists. Men have always been
encouraged to submit work to Focus. “We
want men to submit,” says Sheean, who is
currently the art editor of Focus.
After a four-year hiatus, volume eight
was finally released last spring. Everyone
is still encouraged to submit. “[Men] give
the publication a different perspective,
[and] it’s always nice to get an all around
picture of gender issues.”
Liotta is now the editor of Focus. Her
list of published topics includes sexual
abuse, domestic violence, racism, clas-
sism, sexism, and ethnicity. Naturally,
“The list goes on,” she says.
Two of Liotta’s essays are featured in
the first issue of New Focus. In
“Motherhood,” (page 28) her character
says, “I’ve been told that I can’t be femi-
nist because I embrace motherhood so
much.”
Her second essay, “Not one inch of this
fucking rage leaks through. One bite,”
(page 30) interweaves her fiction with
passages from Eve Ensler’s The Good
Boy. “…What happened to that nice,
funny, not hilarious, girl inside? I think
she’s lost in mounds of fat…”
“It feels awesome to bring it back,” she
says. “It has been a lot of hard time and
work, but it's worth it because nothing
else on campus has an open forum like
ours.
Sheean, Liotta, and the other editors
d o n ’t care whether or not a student is a
die-hard, card-carrying feminist. The jour-
nal is also not limited to the Women’s
Studies department. Any student within
any major is welcome to submit to Focus.
Every issue of Focus in both the first
and second run has used the last two pages
to list “Services for Women.” Planned
Parenthood has been featured in every
issue (631-361-7526.) Vol.8 No.1 listed an
AIDS hotline (631-385-2437) and The
S u ffolk County Mental Health Hotline
(631-952-3333.)
Due to budgetary restraints, New Focus
is published once a year (they are recog-
nized as a club by SGA.) Sheean says, “A
lot of people want to know they have a
voice,” and encourages students to check
out old issues of Focus at the Women’s
Studies office (Old Chem Room 105.)
“You might learn something,” she says.
9

What to Note about Valentine's Day
He was a murderer. So I improvised a
possible story according to the myth
while chatting with my friends. On
Valentine's Day, couples exchange
poems, cards, candy and flowers. Their
gifts are often in the shape of hearts. A s
Saint Valentine was a murderer, the
heart-shaped gifts in red packages rep-
resent the murder and the bloodshed
rather than the passionate love.
Hours after I made up the story, I
went on the Internet to confirm the
myth. Of course there was no informa-
tion to support it. First I thought the
myth was deliberately removed since
the Roman Catholic Church erased the
holiday from its calendar in 1969. The
history behind the establishment of
Valentine's Day proved me wrong.
People usually think Valentine's Day
is named after one martyr called Saint
Valentine. But the history tells that the
holiday can be attributed to at least
three martyred men named Valentinius
during the time of Emperor Claudius II.
The records of their lives do not exist.
The most prominent figure that associ-
Aphrodite
Valentinius of Alexandria
ated romantic love with February 14th
is Valentinius of Alexandria. He was a
gnostic teacher and a priest. In the late
third century, Emperor Claudius sought
to expand his army. To increase the
ranks of his army, he created preposter-
ous laws to ban wedding ceremonies.
Under the law, Valentinius secretly per-
formed them for young couples. Soon
he was caught, jailed, and executed.
While in jail, he received letters from
his supporters. On the day he was
beheaded, he sent a letter to his female
10
friend. It was in February 14, 269 A D .
Here are some interesting statistics.
The Greeting Card Association approx-
imates that over one billion valentines
are sent every year and that women pur-
chase 85% of all Valentines Day cards.
H o w e v e r, I need to clarify something.
The statistics do not imply that women
should send gifts on Valentine's Day.
The holiday is gender neutral. Either
gender can send gifts and both genders
can exchange them. Tangible items like
“[...] Valentinius of
Alexandria. He was a
gnostic teacher and a priest”
candies are not the only things involved
in Valentine's Day. Basically it's your
choice to do what on the day. You can
send any gift that is appropriate with
respect to the relationship with the per-
son. You may just plan to spend time
with the person as long as it'll be some-
thing special for both of you. It is
indeed difficult to come up with some-
thing original. Here are a few sugges-
tions I found on the Internet (how can I
give advice for something I have never
experienced?) Keep skimming even if
you are not dating; it may be a good ref-
erence for your future.
1. The gifts like poems and songs are
romantic, seem appropriate for the day,
huh? Your gifts can be fun as a board
game that you two can enjoy together.
2. Some people think good gifts are
expensive. Sometimes it is true but your
main goal is to buy gifts that are mean-
ingful.
3. Flowers, cards, or candies are good
gifts. You should prepare gifts that are
original.
4. If your relationship is in an early
stage, you might get flowers and a card.
If you are in a serious relationship, the
sources suggest eveningwear. W h e t h e r
this information sounds inappropriate
or not, the gist is that you spend some
time to select gifts, listen to what is
mentioned in conversations and pick up
on hints.
Well, do not get obsessed with
Valentine's Day. Enjoy it as you would
enjoy every day.
www.thestonybrookpress.com
Not Interested to Learn
More Kotei!
I often hang around the RA’s office. It’s
not that I get snuggled, nor that my suite-
mate is an RA, I’m just friends with some
of them. One night, I was spiced up with
East Indian cracker. One girl came into the
room. I had a hot conversation with that
A-wing resident. My smackdown was
triggered by one sentence. “I don’t like
learning.”
As a devoted scientist, I could not
understand how one would be indifferent
to learning. It is awesome to learn. It is a
privilege to be able to explain to myself
some phenomenon I encounter every day.
When I plan to stargaze, I don’t look for
stars in the city. The luminosity of city
lights prevents the faint stars. So I had to
ask her, “Why did you decide to attend
college?”
There must be many college students
who attend colleges to get jobs.
Statistically employees with college
degree earn tens of thousands of dollars
more than ones with just high school
diplomas. But the problem is that these
students do not even like learning. They
may have passed high school by studying
a few days before exams. We can’t use
that strategy any longer. There is a reason
why college students take fewer courses a
day and fewer courses in each semester.
Moreover, in college we ought to learn
more than class material, what it takes to
live beyond classrooms.
You know, the salary statistics that the
media occasionally pick up only concern
those “with college degrees.” I’m not real-
ly sure about that. After all we get college
degrees by C’s. Surely, someone out there
manages to receive a C in every single
course. He will certainly have a college
degree. But I can’t imagine that employers
will not look at his transcript.
Commit to learn or despise to learn.
Each of us surely has right to choose. Not
learning in college is no more successful
than working after high school. In fact, it
is a loss to attend college while not learn-
ing. While attending college, you lose
money because you compromised the
opportunity to earn it. However, there are
still ways for making good money. Not
learning how to do class work, like alge-
bra homework, won’t hurt much. The
classy question goes, “How useful is the
Pythagorean Theorem?” True, I don’t use
it every day even though I’m AMS major.
Without learning class material, you can
still find something that really interests
you. Sociology majors can look for jobs in
fashion. If they have a genuine interest,
adequate skills and enthusiasm about
work, they will make a decent living. No
doubt. College transcripts should not
interfere much.
So I decided to tell her to develop her
interest in learning as long as she thinks it
is essential for her to stay in college. Not
learning something out of taking classes is
like having meal points and not using
them. She apparently learns the social
skills and probably has better communica-
tion skills. She told me she liked
Psychology in high school, so there is a
field of study in which she can become
interested. Just do it.
On that note, I was talking to one of our
members in the Golden Key International
Honor Society after their general body
meeting. We were talking about the fact
that Stony Brook’s most-declared major is
Psychology. Perhaps, learning about peo-
ple is probably far more interesting than
learning about plate tectonics. That’s it! I
bet. I love behavioral studies.
Donate Money? We Need 'Em Too.
I don’t mean to be stingy. I just feel that
I have seen too many calls for donations
this semester. Donate for this. Donate on
that. Because I will bribe you with cakes,
you better bring some greens. This is a
great cause so hand in your money. I just
asked how much should I donate out of
our thin pockets or else where should I
donate money? Do I rate who suffers the
most?
Personally I do not work part-time or at
a paid internship for that matter. I tend to
think about spending as little as possible.
It came out to about $80 per month last
semester. Without making any money, I
may look a slacker. My friends take sever-
al part-time jobs per semester. On top of
jobs, some of them take enough credits to
be considered as full-time students to live
on campus. Especially for the part-time
workers, they work for federal grants such
as work-study. As a matter of the fact, they
get work-study because they need finan-
cial support by the federal government for
paying off their tuition bills, and the rest
needs to be allotted to their loans. Without
federal support, some students are still in
need of money. You can imagine.
See, sparing a dollar for each donation
“opportunity” sounds good and it only
amounts to be $20 if there are 20 such
occasions. What bogs me, to think back to
the situation of choosing one donation
over the other, is their marketing strategy.
Their intonations sometimes imply, “If
you don’t donate, you’re a selfish person.”
They are right. But tuition keeps inflating.
Textbooks are more expensive than ever.
The rumor is that the school is planning to
mandate the meal plan, which is raising
the minimum. Bronze plan used to cost
around $1,100 in 2004. Now it’s over
$1,300 and the tax reduces the useable
points by 300!
Meanwhile, I still donate to some caus-
es. I understand the marketers must put
some force into asking for donations, but
couldn’t they be more tactful? If forcible
education doesn’t work for people,
forcible request can’t possibly work
either, right?

Since the last iRate was a considerably
long time ago, there have been numerous
developments and products that have come
out, so let’s get to it!
The recent additions to the Apple Store
are the AirPort Extreme Base Station, the
Apple TV, and iPod shuffles in four, count
‘em FOUR new colors!
The Airport Extreme Base Station is the
newest version of wireless router from
apple. Like many Apple products, it’s
Mac/Windows compatible, and white as
the pure snow. The AirPort Extreme is also
cutting edge, being wireless Draft-N com-
patible, meaning that it’s ultra fast with a
farther range than most wireless routers. It
is also equipped with a USB port, allowing
you to share a printer or a hard drive over
the network. The only drawback to the
Airport Extreme, like other Draft-N
routers is the high price. Most Draft-N
routers average $150 each. In the instance
of the Airport Extreme, you are looking at
$179 for it, but you do get the bonus of the
USB port and the aesthetics of it being an
Apple product.
The Apple TV was also announced in
January, as Apple made it clear that it
wants a place in your livingroom. The
Apple TV looks very reminiscent of a Mac
Mini, but that is pretty much the only sim-
ilarity. The interface that it uses is very
similar to the Apple media suite, Front
Stony Brook Style
By Lisa Voltaire
___________
Making SBU’s Campus a Sweat Pants
Free Zone
I couldn’t help but wonder. What
would the reaction be if your World
Politics professor came in with washed
out sweat pants one early morning? Did he
wake up late? Were all his other clothes
dirty? Or does he not care about the
expectations the professors profession
Row, which will make it easy to use by
Mac users, and newcomers alike. The
Apple TV is equipped with a 40 gig hard
drive, so that you can download content
like music and movies from the iTunes
store and watch/listen on your TV. As stat-
ed on the Apple TV website “If it’s on
iTunes, it’s on TV.” The places where the
Apple TV comes up short is that it includes
no TV tuner for channel surfing, no optical
drive to play DVD’s or CD’s, and it cannot
play videos that are not from the iTunes
store. Perhaps the next generation of Apple
TV will be able to address these concerns,
or perhaps just a little modification to a
Mac Mini will do the trick, only time will
tell. If you are still interested in the Apple
TV for some reason, Apple says they will
ship in February, at a cost of $299.
In addition to all of that, the iPod shuf-
fle came out in new colors. They are the
same size as the standard shuffle, except
that they come in hot pink, neon green,
metallic blue, and neon orange, all of
which are durable aluminum like the stan-
dard silver shuffle. As always, a shuffle
will run you $79 for the 1 gig model,
regardless of color.
As always, thanks for reading, and
check out iRate in the next issue when we
take a look at some new applications, and
a detailed look at the long awaited iPhone.
have earned? These questions are pulling
away from the focus of World Politics and
are instead focusing on the professors
morning procedures.
If this is the professor’s case, what
about the students?
I have recognized in my two weeks on
the Campus, that many Stony Brooks stu-
dents are wearing this “I do not care” out-
fit. This is a style I wouldn’t like to see
my World Politics professor copy.
There are many things to remember
about student’s approaches towards their
www.thestonybrookpress.com
Chaucer, Lupercalia,
and Greeting Cards
By Andrew Pernick
___________
The day of heart-shaped boxes of
chocolates, red-ribboned gifts, and greet-
ing cards is upon us. The legendary
Valentinius’ day (which we call
‘Valentine’s Day’) is, in its roots, faux-
pagan. Of all of the “greeting card holi-
days” (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day,
Secretary’s Day (which has subsequently
been renamed), etc.), only Valentine’s Day
has the most falsified provenance.
The first recorded correlation between
the day itself and romance is not
Valentinius of Alexandria’s romance letter
– the Valentinius of Alexandria was a
Gnostic heretic who, due to his large fol-
lowing, was considered a threat to the
church. Of the three Saints Valentine, all
of whom were martyred in the third centu-
ry, none were associated with love or
romance. The Feast of Saint Valentine (a
Catholic feast day, held annually on
February 14th regardless of what day of
the week it may happen to fall upon, ded-
icated to all three Saints Valentine) was
first associated with romance by Geoffrey
Chaucer in his Parliament of Foules, a
dream-vision poem that is thick with
pagan allegories and allusions, supposedly
dedicated to the marriage of King Richard
II to Anne of Bohemia.
The historical argument that Valentine’s
Day is a Roman Catholic Church co-
option of the pre-Christian Roman holiday
of Lupercalia is of dubious provenance,
and the scholars at the moment consider
the matter closed.
To those who wish to follow a neo-
Pagan path, the choice of whether or not to
celebrate this greeting card holiday is a
difficult one. On the one hand, there is
historical evidence of the existence of
diverse pagan holidays around Valentine’s
Day – Imbolc (a Welsh, Irish and Scottish
holiday of weather prediction which has
been co-opted into our Groundhog’s Day;
in the Roman Catholic Church, it is Saint
Bridgid’s Day), for example. On the other
hand, the historical pagan holidays of fer-
tility fall after the Spring Solstice (such as
teachers. You should sit strategically near
them, look interested – even if Ancient
Studies isn’t your favorite subject, and do
your homework. But what about style?
Yes, what about it, you are thinking at the
moment.
It is important to walk around the Stony
Brook Campus,well dressed: skinny grey
jeans, white ankle boots and an oversized
top. Apply Nars’s Orgasm rouge on your
cheeks and a long Sonia Rykiel scarf, to
you show that you do care. The professor
isn’t wasting his time while picking out
Beltaine). So one is left to decide whether
to go along with the American Greeting
Card Association’s perversion of history
and follow Chaucer, or whether to hold off
on that box of Russell-Stover’s until April.
My own advice is to go along with the
AGCA, if only to avoid the hellishness
that can ensue should you be accused of
forgetting to get a gift (or card or…), and
then to celebrate again on Beltaine (or
your own religion’s fertility/romance holi-
day).
The day has its upside, yes, but for
those pagans out there who happen to be
single, it is not a “woe be unto you” situa-
tion, as I have provided the following
(globally-general, your-mileage-may-
vary) correspondences. This year,
February 14th is a half-moon, on a
Wednesday. The color of the day is
Orange (but you might want to use Pink
for your workings if you’re looking for
romance (a blend of white [honesty, puri-
ty, friendship], and red [passion and
love]), or Red if you’re just looking for a
good lay (and there’s nothing wrong with
that!), the planetary correspondence is
(obviously) Venus (which might change
your choice of color from Orange to Red
or Pink), and sunset is almost exactly 6pm,
with moonrise pretty soon thereafter.
Venus is almost purely to the west, and it
is visible minutes before sunset, which
adds a bit to those of you who use plane-
tary correspondences in your workings.
Just a word of advice to you: ground
and center! Valentine’s Day is abuzz with
metaphysical energies in abundance, so it
is easy to become overwhelmed by the
flow. Remember to draw only from your-
self and from the world (not from peo -
ple!). Grounding and centering afterwards
is not only good practice (as it puts you
back into the mundane world), it’s neces-
sary.
And one final thing: if you’re like me
and are highly cynical about the whole
affair, join me in wearing some form of
black ribbon or other such symbol of
protest that Chaucer’s romantic dream-
vision has been so commercialized and, in
the process, so cheapened.
his red and white striped shirt early that
morning. He probably took time ironing it
too. Why? Because he wants to show that
he cares. And so should all the “sweat
pants people” as well.
Take the extra six minutes to look
through your wardrobe for the jeans that
say, “I like to spend my time in this class-
room, with this subject, and with you as
my teacher.”
Dress for success. With that will come
the style to raise both your grades and
your social status as well.
11
 Does This Sound As Bad To
You As It Does to me?
To Test Call-Up System
Later This Year
By Joey Safdia
___________
Ever feel sometimes like instead of vot-
ing out the Republicans in 2006, someone
should have just barricaded them in the
Capitol and set the building on fire, along
with the entire executive branch? Even
though it’s illegal for me to advocate or
support such a thing in this article (which
is why I absolutely oppose anyone who
attempts such an illegal act. God, don’t
you love free speech?), in private I will
admit that I have secretly and subcon-
sciously wished someone would just go
ahead and do it (don’t be so appalled. You
were thinking the same thing). Especially
when the government still believes it
retains the right to perform an equally
immoral act against you and everyone you
know. As long as it was voted on by
Congress, that is, in which case mass
slaughter of innocents without due process
or justification is A-OK. Our very own
United States Government is planning on
demonstrating their perceived ownership
of all citizens—or planning on pretending
to demonstrate their ability to per-
ceive….oh who knows what these fucks
are doing there—by testing the call-up
system that is used to draft its unwilling
citizens into war. These tests are sched-
uled for mid-2007.
I’d like to interrupt this article to
remind everyone traveling or moving to
the D.C. area that our nation’s capital has
amongst the highest crime rates nation-
wide. And I believe that still holds true
even if you discount government legisla-
tion, policies, and actions.
Anyhoo, this announcement comes at a
point where our military is stretched thin
fighting wars in two separate nations;
wars that were never constitutionally
declared, and one of which is being waged
under questionable pretenses, if not com-
pletely false ones. This comes at a point
where President George W. Bush
announced an increase of 21,500 troops to
Iraq. This comes at a point where Reserve
and National Guard members are being
sent to their second and third tours in Iraq,
where the number of new recruits is dwin-
dling, where stop-loss orders are being
issued more frequently than ever, and
where possible war with Iran looms over
the horizon like a mushroom cloud. While
Selective Service (or as I call it, “the splat-
tered semen all over the graves of our
nation’s founders, squirted onto the tomb-
stones and perfectly forming themselves
into white, sticky swastikas”) denies that
the draft will be reinstated, this sends a
mixed but alarming message to the
American people.
I have mixed feelings about the govern-
ment testing the call-up system to see how
capable they are in “recruiting” America’s
youth to “defend their nation” when the
time comes. No, don’t get me wrong, I
oppose the draft and anything related to
conscription or conscription preparation
on a moral, ethical, constitutional, and
even a pragmatic level. That includes this
readiness exercise, Selective Service, and
Representative Charlie Rangel’s U.S. citi-
zenship. No, my mixed feelings are based
on the validity of the impending-draft
claims. I don’t want to be a conspiracy
theorist shouting “Bush is going to draft
everyone into Iraq,” especially since the
people who have been doing that have
constantly been proven wrong, but history
also teaches us that not only do govern-
ments do the same stupid, insane, and
immoral things that they explicitly state
just days earlier that they will not do, but
also that governments don’t believe in
human rights and regard its citizens as
slaves, meatshields, and timid pets to con-
trol and abuse (a professor of mine told us
that politicians are one step below child
molesters, and he’s right. Child molesters
only wish they could operate with such
efficiency). History tells us not to trust
governments as they are responsible for
tragedies greater than any caused by serial
Look! Now the’re doing a mock running excersize
killers and rapists. That is why I’m iffy to
judge on whether or not to tell you that
there is no draft coming or to pack your
bags and move to Canada now, though I
will say that my bags aren’t packed quite
yet. If we should take solace in nothing
else, we should take solace in the fact that
when Rangel (that fucking tool) brought
his draft bill before Congress, it was voted
down immediately.
In the official response to this “mock
draft”, in which the government denied
any plans for an actual draft, it was stated
that, “The mock computer exercise, last
carried out in 1998, is strictly routine,
Selective Service officials said, and it will
not actually be run until 2009 — if at all”.
Apparently, other mock drafts have been
proposed during the last few years, but
thankfully none were able to get off the
ground due to budgetary constraints (just
the idea that they would try to use my
hard-earned money to test their ability to
enslave me in the military against my will
still infuriates me. That money that was
stolen from me through taxes could have
gone to schools or hospitals, or I could
have kept it and used it to buy a
PlayStation 3). Could this have been a
routine simulation, doomed to never see
the light of day as all the others? For the
sake of the freedom that Bush pretends to
love so much, let’s hope so. The off i c i a l
denial appeared in full in an issue of the
New York Times, though I don’t know
which one.
If nothing else, now is the time to pay
more attention to American foreign policy
toward the Middle East than ever before,
because while a draft is not necessarily
coming, we have come to the point where
the chances of being “called upon to
serve” (at gunpoint, that is) are higher
than ever. It is imperative that--whether
you support or oppose the war, whether
you are Democrat or Republican, whether
you are pro-Bush or anti-Bush—college
and high school students become more
involved in the political system in some
way, even if it’s only through voting. Even
if you don’t vote (because I don’t), send a
letter to your elected official (I had written
a letter to Charlie Rangel but Congress
voted down his draft bill before I could
send it), write a letter to a newspaper or
even write an article on your own, stage a
public and peaceful protest, etc. Just send
the message to Congress and to the
President that, no matter what actions they
or their constituents support and no matter
what threats the nation comes under, the
citizens of the United States are human
beings who are owned only by themselves
and not by any elected government. If the
government doesn’t recognize the rights
and liberties that all human beings have,
the ones that our forefathers sought to pro-
tect when drafting the Constitution, and if
it continues to believe that it retains sole
ownership of each and every person living
within its territory, then you might one
day find yourself or a loved one in mili-
tary fatigues and trapped in Iraq, fighting
a war that you may never return from.
Courtesy of Goverment Approved Slavery

www.thestonybrookpress.com
12
 Ice, Ice, Baby
By Alex H. Nagler
___________
Winter is a magical time when magical
things ensue. One of these things is the fact
that water will inevitably freeze over into
ice. People may not know this, but Roth
Pond occasionally freezes over when the
situations are ideal. The week of January
28th was one of those weeks when the
Pond was frozen solid. There were no
clowns, no cardboard boats, and no drunk-
en Science and Society-ites being thrown
in as an act of ritualistic hazing by their
upperclassmen peers.
On the eve of January 30th after the
weekly Tuesday Toscanini LEG meeting, a
group of friends and I decided to take the
journey out to the pond to have some post-
Yuletide fun. We snow-suited up, making
sure that we would remain hypothermia-
free even if the ice cracked and we fell
through into the slimy pond beneath us.
After a short trek down the cursed Tabler
steps, we arrived at the Pond to find other
students enjoying themselves, walking on
the ice and playing hockey. It was a really
great experience, friends having fun with
friends, playing on the ice, skidding
around on a conveniently placed trash can
lid. It even had begun snowing, with the
moon fully visible in the night sky above
us. It was a perfect moment. Everyone was
happy.
Then, at approximately 11:15 PM, the
fun police arrived. And by fun police, here
I mean the campus police. Someone had
obviously called the authorities on us as
we were greeted by two officers who loud-
ly declared to the thirty some students on
the ice, “What are you? Out of your
minds? This could go at any minute. I
thought I was following some of the
brightest minds in the country when I was
behind the busses in my squad car. I guess
they were wrong.” The officers continued,
threatening us with everything across the
board from a write-up to academic proba-
tion to expulsion, claiming we were tres-
passing on private property. Their declara-
tion continued, becoming more and more
explicit in tone, taking their time to verbal-
ly assault the students as they peacefully
left the ice. But my issue here is not with
the campus police, regardless of who was
right or who was wrong.
This crowd that had assembled was not
a crowd of ne’r-do-wells; there were actu-
ally seven or eight members of the Honors
College assembled on the ice, myself
included. And here we were being repri-
manded for simply enjoying ourselves.
There was no alcohol, no narcotics, no sex,
nothing illegal or immoral; we were just a
bunch of students enjoying ourselves on
the ice. And I know we weren’t the only
ones as there had been students there all
evening just one night before.
Obviously, someone had a problem with
us, as someone had to physically call the
cops. If there is one thing I learned from
my first term, it’s that the campus police
won’t come unless they’re called. If it’s
not affecting you, it’s not your problem.
You were not the one risking a fall into the
pond, we were. We weren’t committing a
noise violation, we weren’t harming you in
any way. But of course, you had to go and
call the cops on us. So, to the resident of
Roth Quad who called the cops on our
winter wonderland, Fuck You.
Alex H. Nagler is Frosty the Snowman.
Just without all the cocaine connotations.
www.thestonybrookpress.com
Smoking Ban in
Dorms for Fall ‘07
By Steve McLinden
___________
Come this fall, Marlboro Country’s
frontier at Stony Brook will shrink even
more. Smoking will be completely banned
from all residence halls by July, as per a
decision by the SUNY Board of Trustees.
While smokers may dislike the hassle
about having to leave the building and
stand outside to light up, this really is a
good decision for everyone.
First and foremost, residence halls
should provide a safe and comfortable
Hello cigrette’s I -love-you-k-bye
place for students to live. Lit cigarettes are
undisputedly a fire hazard, and they are
cited as the cause of death for nearly one
thousand people per year, according to the
National Fire Prevention Association. In
1996, a cigarette ignited a fraternity house
fire at UNC-Chapel Hill, killing five stu-
dents. It’s been a rather nonsensical policy
all along, then, that requires RAs to ensure
on a monthly basis that residents’ light
bulbs are sanctioned, and yet nobody’s
stopping a student from falling asleep (or
passing out) with a cigarette in hand.
As for the “quality of living” issue,
well, many smokers would agree: smoke
stinks. But do you have the right to soil
your own dwelling? If you light up in your
tiny 10’x 8’ box on a regular basis, every-
thing in there is going to reek, you’re
going to get debris everywhere, and it’s
just not a very nice scene. Someone else
will have to live in that room the semester
after you leave, and the smell stays with
the carpeting and everything else. Much to
Send us your poems!
This means you.
Yeah you...with the poems.
sbpress@gmail.com
the chagrin of whoever gets your old mat-
tress, the fumes will linger about on that as
well.
The other problem is that the policy as it
stands today is such that as long as all
roommates agree, smoking is permitted in
their room. If you were stuck in an Odd
Couple situation, with a smoker and a non-
smoker, it could be rough on everyone. A
non-smoker probably feels bad for sending
her roommate outside on an Arctic win-
ter’s day, and a less-than-understanding
smoker might resent it, too. People have a
hard enough time negotiating whether
Some Guy
they’ll watch Heroes or 24 on Monday
nights, let alone deciding if it’s a smoke-
free room or not. I remember when I lived
on campus last year, I would turn on my
window fan to blow in some fresh air, only
to pull in the scent of smoke from one of
my neighbors.
While a semester of second-hand smoke
exposure may not cause long-term dam-
age, it’s probably not beneficial. As far as
immediate exposure goes, it can cause
allergic reactions and all of the runny
noses and coughing that come with it, and
it can be especially irritating for asthmat-
ics. Thus, aside from the inconvenience of
going outside, it’s best for everyone if cig-
arette smoking is kept out of the buildings.
Sure, it’s not perfect; residence rules
certainly don’t stop people from smoking
pot on campus, either. But I think that the
administration, non-smoking students, and
smokers can all settle for moderate regula-
tions like this. Let’s give the Board of
Trustees a little respect where it’s due.
13

By Kotei Aoki
___________
The past few weeks have been very
interesting for meteorologists. The temper-
ature suddenly dropped below freezing
point in mid January. If you look at a
weather map, the drop was obviously trig-
gered by cP air masses. Simply put, it is
frigid and dry air descending from Canada
and the Arctic area. What happened? That
is the question. There were fantastic illus-
trations on the website of Stony Brook's
own Atmospheric Sciences department.
This page provides the resources:
http://atmos.msrc.sunysb.edu/npages/weat
her.html.
The first image shows "GOES-EAST
enhanced infrared satellite imagery" taken
in late January. All the jargon aside, the
A Storm
If You’re Going to Fight
Coca-Cola, Do it For Amercia
By Allen Smithy
__________
I feel for Columbians too. I haven’t
done research, but I don’t doubt that
Columbians working in Coca-Cola fac-
tories are impoverished and exploited.
I don’t doubt that those who dare stand
up for them are kidnapped, killed, or
otherwise silenced. But honestly, I
think that presenting an argument like
that to kick Coca-Cola off college cam-
puses is a terrible one. The fact is,
Americans just don’t care. Coca-Cola
is abusing Columbians? Oh well.
Women have virtually no rights in most
of the Middle East? Eh. Darfur? Is that
in Russia?
Sad, but true.
T h e r e ’s another way to fight Coca-
Cola. Hit Americans where it hurts – at
home. It’s amazing that no matter how
painfully obvious it becomes, parents
continue to kill their children, teens
14
Frigid Cold!
image is a satellite picture of the East
coast, colored for easy viewing. The most
astounding part of the image is the spiral
structure. which is the significant low pres-
sure system. I associated it with the one
that troubled Northeasterners in December.
It is rare that the pressure system can hold
its strength for a month. Low pressure sys-
tem vacuum surrounding air into the cen-
ter. After causing gusty weather in tristate
regions, the system moved on to the
Atlantic along Maine. When I first saw the
satellite image, I was surely stunned to see
the developed low pressure system which
had been seemingly stationary for such a
long period.
According to the animation of weather
maps generated by the department server,
the sudden weather change was due to the
powerful low pressure system. The second
NOAA
and young adults continue to kill them-
selves, and Coca-Cola continues to be a
stake driven through our hearts (but not
the only one). My parents did a number
on me – I was pretty fat myself. A n d
Coca-Cola Beverage Company
Coca-Cola Inc. Logo
having Burger King (owned by Coca-
Cola) about three nights a week didn’t
exactly ease the situation. Along with
www.thestonybrookpress.com
image shows one of the computer-generat-
ed weather maps, called the MM5
Regional Model. I chose "SLP, 10 m
winds, 925mb or 40m temperature"
because it closely represents the ground-
level atmospheric condition. The contour
lines are called isotherms. One can assume
that the cold air mass is moving South. It is
difficult to visualize how the movement of
cold air relates to the low pressure system
vacuuming its surrounding air. The frigid
air moves South but it also moves East. It
becomes clear if you see it animated. One
way to visualize the motion is to see the
barb notation. It represents wind direction
and its speed. Many barbs pointing to the
same direction imply that the air travels
from one place to another. Air mass cannot
be pushed or pulled; it can be moved only
by having pressure gradients. Low pres-
Pressure Zones Across the US
being fat, of course, comes high cho-
lesterol, and a higher risk for heart
attacks, heart disease, etc.
If you’re going to fight Coca-Cola,
do it for America! We are Americas fat
children and teens turned young adult,
and I’ll be damned if I get diabetes at
35. So how do we protect ourselves
from the health risks posed by Coca-
Cola? Easy – don’t consume their prod-
ucts. Stop drinking Coke and stop eat-
ing Burger King. That should be a good
start.
Easier said than done. How many of
you recently made a vow to finally
shed those extra pounds this year?
O k a y, now how many of you are still
going strong? Exactly. A friend of mine
promised herself that she’d go on a
one-week detox. diet of fruits, vegeta-
bles, and rice. That lasted all of about 2
hours until she went to Dunkin Donuts.
D o n ’t get me wrong – I’ve certainly
ruined my fair share of diets.
sure systems must be pulling the frigid air
from Canadian and Arctic regions.
The temperature drop was significant
and rather delayed this winter. Now, it
feels like the real winter. Many of us are
annoyed at the chill that freezes our faces
as we switch to our winter coats. It feels
even colder during the day than at night, as
if sea breezes keep the temperature low.
The predictions suggest that warmer air
masses are ascending. At higher altitudes,
the warmer air masses already crawl over
the cold air masses. Also, the cold air
masses that hover over the North
American continent are slowly moving in
the Northeastern direction. Sooner or later,
this feeling of "I got chills" will hopefully
be over. Well, you know what I mean.
Rock on.
NOAA
Promising not to do something is
worthless. We have no self control.
We’re American, duh. Instead of mak-
ing these empty promises, we should
face facts. Not having Coca-Cola on
campus is a fool-proof way to get us all
“So how do we protect our -
selves from the health risks
posed by Coca-Cola?”
to stop drinking so much Coke, and
stop eating so much Burger King.
Obviously students will continue to eat
fast food off campus, but we can’t
change the whole world, just our
microcosm of it.
If we’re trying to kick Coca-Cola off
our campus, it should be because we
care about our own health. We need to
help ourselves before helping others.
 Aqua Teen
Terror Force
By Alex H. Nagler
___________
Yeah, yeah, mic check mic check. My
name is. Shakezulla, the mic rulla, the old
schoola, you wanna rock? I’ll bring it to
ya. Frylock and I’m on top, rockin like an
improvised explosive device. Meatwad
you’re up next with your knock knock.
Yes, they are the Aqua Teens, making
the Boston Police Department say
“Bomb!” and the Governor of
Massachusetts scream.
With all due respect to New York’s sis-
ter city to the north, Boston was wicked
retahded last week. The famed “City on a
Hill” nearly fell victim to a Mooninite
invasion on the 31st, fearing that the LED
advertisements were improvised explosive
devices planted by terrorists.
If I may be crass, Boston, what the
fuck? It’s a Mooninite. Have you never
seen Aqua Teen Hunger Force? If you
haven’t, let me bring you up to speed. It’s
a cartoon. About a talking milkshake,
Mooninite in it’s natural state.
French fry container, and a wad of meat.
There is no plot. It’s on at a time when it’s
not quite Sunday and it’s not quite
Monday, so you don’t have to worry about
having class in a few hours. The average
reader of this paper will have read the
opening paragraph of this article with the
proper lyrics instead of my not-so-subtle
changes. I mean, fuck. It’s a cartoon and
advertising for a movie. I understand that
in this day and age, we can’t be too careful
when it comes to possible terrorist activi-
ty, but for Christ’s sake, look at the picture
included with this article. Does that look
like a bomb to you? Or does it look like
something that’d look kickass in your
dorm room? Goddamit. And I was going
to write a serious article originally.
Turner Broadcasting, paying the City of
Boston is a good P.R. move, but that’s
about it. If they’re too idiotic to realize a
Mooninite is a Mooninite, they should foot
the bomb squad bill.
Alex H. Nagler is Frylock, on top,
rockin like a cop.
Adavanced Moon Technology
www.thestonybrookpress.com
I Fucked Your
Mom, Hard
By David K. Ginn
___________
I used ‘hard’ as an adverb, despite my
great impulse to incorrectly write ‘hardly’,
because that would imply that I rarely fuck
your mom. I can assure you that nothing is
further from the truth.
I had intercourse with your mother, and
it was less than tremendous. I inserted my
throbbing love member into her quivering,
dripping roast beef conservatory. I took
out Derek and the Dominoes and made
Clapton take a welcome-back tour into her
ancient axe-wound. How many times, you
ask? You can count it on your fingers, if
you’re counting last night alone. The first
time I ever fucked that beast of a middle-
aged hairball you were nine months away
from being born. That’s right, dear reader,
you are the bastard love child your mother
was too ashamed to keep but had to any-
way because of that juicy tax break she’d
get from claiming you as a dependent. It’s
sad, but it’s true.
Are you angry? Perhaps full of rage?
It’s not my fault. I’m a vagitarian, and
your mom just happens to be an all out
cockivore. It’s human nature, dear reader.
The story of our first meeting is somewhat
interesting: I was standing alone on a dark
corner when suddenly I heard loud, inces-
sant clapping. That sound was accompa-
nied by high-heels running quickly along
the pavement, and the clapping turned into
a full round of applause. I looked around
to see who the appreciative spectators
www.AndrewPernick.com
were, but alas there were none; the clap-
ping was naught but your mom’s loose and
free-flying vag, sounding off like a wood-
block siren when she comes near.
It was gross, it was hairy, but it was irre-
sistible.
Now let me tell you something: your
mother is sloppy. Not only does her phys-
ical appearance resemble that of the artist
formerly known as the prince of darkness,
she shags like a three-toed sloth being put
down by a tranquilizer gun. Typically, I
feel more like I’m being surrogately
mauled by a wild gorilla’s comatose
cousin, thrown on me from above by his
smiling kin as he gloats over how selfishly
he’ll sacrifice someone else’s body in
place of his own.
Also, you need to understand that your
mother’s embrace is not warm. It’s more
like the three-day-old codfish that was
negligently left in that portable Bud Light
cooler your dad took when he decided to
take you on a “man-to-man” fishing trip.
Curiously enough, that analogy works on
much more than one level.
I’d ask you to deliver a message to your
mom, but I already did last night. Here it
is, though: when a woman opens her legs
in front of me, my first thoughts should not
involve a sudden desire to go spelunking.
Nothing should be big enough to fit me
and a drink trolley inside if it was only
intended for my cock. I blame myself for
this downward spiral, though. After you
were born, there was nothing that couldn’t
fit in that pan-dimensional portal of a twat.
15
NY Jurors Hopt onto the Bandwagon
By Peter Grotticelli
___________
The presidential administration fixes its
troubles in this nuclear age, which the US
itself started by killing hundreds of thou-
sands around Nagasaki and Hiroshima, by
killing some more civilians, in Latin
America, Southeast Asia, and most recent-
ly in Iraq. US citizens in the immediate
aftermath of World War II, hardened by the
observed slaughter, could hardly sympa-
thize with civilians such as those killed in
Korea when the US prolonged the war.
However, US citizens largely dissented
from the presidencies when they opposed
the Vietnam War. Lacking memories of
World War II, the people became rational.
In New York State courts in the 1960s, for
instance, the death penalty was nullified in
almost all cases except for the murder of
law enforcers. However, jurors in
Brooklyn, Queens and eastern Long
Island, brainwashed by the deification of
NYPD officers on September 11, have
unanimously ordered in Federal court the
death of Ronell Wilson, 24, for the murder
of two officers, Rodney J. Andrews and
James V. Nemorin. The jurors have
jumped onto the presidential bandwagon.
The executive branch has killed civilians
since 1945 to fix the nuclear blight that it
created, and New Yorkers are now in line
with it, for the first time in Federal court
since hardened veterans condemned a man
in 1954.
I do not proclaim that all New Yorkers
have abandoned their idealism. Indeed,
Mayor Bloomberg of New York City
opposes capital punishment. As a socially
liberal Republican, he is thereby a libertar-
ian. Alas, there is no major party to repre-
sent this ideology. Therefore, since eco-
nomics unequivocally form the dominant
part of political ideology, the people must
define themselves by their economic
views; and the economic conservatives
have nowhere viable to turn but to the
socially conservative Republican Party.
Citizens of Manhattan may value social
factors above economics in their ideolo-
gies; indeed, although the trial was before
September 2001, they spared the lives of
terrorists that blew up an embassy in 1998.
On Long Island, however, from Suffolk to
Brooklyn, a socially sadistic red mist rises
under the morning sun, as citizens tape
their middle fingers up in preparation for
the commute. Residents of Manhattan can-
not very well see the morning sun, and
they do not commute; alas, we cannot
change our geography. When arable land is
made of all the earth, then we shall change
our lonely residential structure as well.
Until then, we shall not consider our
neighbors to be our fellow building or vil-
lage dwellers, but rather, to be damnable,
anonymous criminals.
These words about my neighbors are
not baseless. I’ve heard too many cus-
tomers at a Lake Ronkonkoma auto store
16
say that “we should blow up the entire
fucking Middle East” to solve our prob-
lems. They are staunch supporters of the
administration. One cannot find such idiots
in New England.
However, New York and New
England have a different type of idiot in
common: the sort that does not wish for
(and vote for) the deaths of millions, but
that stupidly fires the toy that he’s been
carrying around for all of his life. Which
idiot deserves a greater punishment: the
fiery conservative or the hapless dweller of
a housing project?
The victims met Mr. Wilson a few
blocks from the Stapleton Houses of
Staten Island in 2003. These undercover
o fficers contacted Mr. Wilson to buy
weapons. He agreed to sell them to these
officers because he needed income, since
his illiteracy and immaturity rendered him
unemployable. He was trapped in what he
rightly suspected to be a weapons sting,
and therefore shot the officers in the back
of the head as he rode in their car.
Lying on your deathbed
Local residents note that Mr. Wilson is a
product of his volatile environment: a rot-
ten apple in a bucket of vinegar. As quoted
in the New York Times, Eugene Jack, 31,
thinks that Mr. Wilson is no more mali-
cious than his fellow citizens.
“I don’t think they should give him the
death penalty. There have been a lot of
people doing worse things,” he said.
“A lot of cops have killed people,”
added Margaret Mitchell, 35.
“And they’re not going to jail, let alone
getting a death sentence,” added Mr. Jack
to that. “If anything, leave him in jail for
the rest of his life.”
A prominent maternal figure in the com-
munity, Janet Robinson, 65, blames not the
officers, but the department that sent them
on their mission.
“You send two black officers into the
black community to buy guns. Then, their
backup doesn’t come on time,” she said.
www.thestonybrookpress.com
“They were put in that position, and they
ended up dead.”
The police department sent these men
on quite a suicidal mission. If someone
like Mr. Wilson, whose embarrassing cap-
ital trial revealed his mental deficiency,
could sense that these weapons customers
were officers, surely everyone with an
equal or greater mental faculty (i.e., every-
one) could sense this as well, and thereby
endanger the officers.
Indeed, Mr. Wilson isn’t the only one
who might violently react to his sort of sit-
uation. Public housing is infamous for fos-
tering hopelessness and idleness, and
resultant barbarity. The families of recent
immigrants scorn the generally African-
American inhabitants of the housing,
because the former rise from much hum-
bler origins than the latter. For instance,
Rose Nemorin, the wife of one of the slain
officers, a Haitian immigrant, gives no
credit to Mr. Wilson’s excuse of poverty.
She states that her husband not only rose
from third-world poverty, but also had to
AP
learn English upon his arrival in the US.
Therefore, if he did not kill or steal, Mr.
Wilson had no excuse to do so, she claims.
This analysis is sociologically oversim-
plified. Immigrants often rise from intoler-
able circumstances, in which family mem-
bers die frequently, and they therefore
work with infinite zeal in the US to ensure
that their spouses and children live to old
age. Almost every resident of the industri-
alized democracies, however, can be sure
that the roadways and the politicians are
the greatest threats to their families. No
rise in social status can significantly
reduce those factors of death; therefore,
US citizens lack this most pressing incen-
tive to rise in society. If the government
wishes to provide housing, many idle sorts
will therefore occupy it.
“They call this the projects for a rea-
son,” said Fred Tuller, 22. “Look at us, in
the middle of the projects, down here like
lab rats. They’re laughing at us.”
Aye, so they are, for the jurors’ unani-
mous resolution has affirmed that US citi-
zens do not pity the downtrodden as much
as they do in the rest of the Western indus-
trialized world. I speak not of our econom-
ic system, but of our justice system. The
jurors have favored the natural selection of
the lower animals over human pity. By this
philosophy, they cannot very well care
about the greatest achievement of
mankind: modern medicine. Although
humanity has never shared its resources
among everyone, it has still behaved
benevolently; for in the course of the last
century, first-world nations have altered
the paradigm of life and death. We need
not fear anymore the random deaths of
young family members. These reactionary
jurors, like their fellow conservative sup-
porters of the death penalty, might as well
extend their prayers to a call for the good
old days, when their ill family members
would have died to promote the “survival
of the fittest.”
Mr. Wilson was not a hardened killer;
witnesses described him as a depressed
youth. His stupidity must have frustrated
him, because he could not figure out how
to fill out more than his name on a job
application. His lack of a father figure led
him to look up to older gang members.
They must have been quite unfriendly. His
situation has led him to seek affection
without embarrassment at his trial. As he
wrote to a friend, who later testified
against him,
“It’s nice to know somebody still got
love for me. I feel much better to know
that.”
Local resident Krystal Cottrell, 27,
made a statement that makes a mockery of
the prosecution:
“Yes, he did kill two people, but stick-
ing a needle in his arm won’t help the
wives of those officers sleep better at
night.”
We know well that nobody benefits
from the death of another, for even the
threat of death cannot stop fools like Mr.
Wilson from killing. Only the cruel natural
selection that persists in impoverished
nations, or artificial selection (i.e., geno-
cide) in first-world nations, can weed soci-
ety’s garden. We must admit that any trace
of socialism allows degeneracy, but the
noble impulses of homo sapiens, excepting
our twelve unhappy jurors, leads us to
institutionalize, rather than to kill, directly
or via pure libertarianism, our mentally
retarded, our insane, and indeed, our crim-
inals. The best we can do is to ensure that
potential convicts cannot put us in vulner-
able positions. The NYPD ought to inno-
vate to reduce the vulnerability of its offi-
cers. Perhaps its African-American offi-
cers, when conducting ridiculously dan-
gerous undercover operations, should wear
lead plates under Afro wigs. The antiwar
protests should bring those back into style,
and thereby render them inconspicuous.
 President Ford: Remember a
Forgettable Politician
By Rob Gilheany
___________
“Here we are at Ohio State!” President
Gerald Ford yelled this at a campaign stop
at Iowa State University. It would be inac-
curate to say he was running for Re-elec-
tion; he was never voted in to that office.
He was the President that no one voted for,
and he knew it.
Gerald R. Ford was born Leslie Lynch
King in Omaha Nebraska 1913. He passed
away on December 26th 2006 in
California at the age of 93. He was the
longest living President.
Ford, often derided and lampooned for
well-documented falls and bumps, was
actually an athlete. He played on the off e n-
sive line for the University of Michigan.
He was offered tryouts for the Green Bay
Packers and the Detroit Lions.
Bill & Gerald
Jerry Ford became a powerful
Republican Congressman from Grand
Rapids Michigan. It was said that he want-
ed to be the Speaker of the House. Some of
the things that he supported and got behind
were Opposition to Medicare and
Medicaid. He voted to keep Adam Clayton
Powell from taking his seat in congress
and tried to impeach Supreme Court
Justice William O’Douglass. The Court
Impeachment trial was supposedly based
on O’Dougless’s marital problems. Ford
clung to the theory of “Bad Behavior” as
grounds for Impeachment of a Justice.
This attempt failed. This would have given
then President Richard Nixon another
appointment to the court.
Jerry Ford’s improbable road to the
White House was unprecedented. In 1972
Richard Nixon and his Running mate
Spiro Agnew won re-election in a landside
victory over the Democratic ticket of
G e o rge McGovern and Sergeant Shriver.
Spiro Agnew forgot to pay his taxes. He
copped a plea and was forced to resign in
1973. Under the 25th amendment Nixon
got to appoint his new Vice President. He
tapped Gerald Ford to be his second in
command. Nixon then became embroiled
in the Watergate Scandal and the cover-up
of that scandal. The Wa t e rgate aff a i r
involved the use of the White House staff
and people from the Committee to Re-
Elect the President (CREEP) to break into
the National Democrats office in the
Watergate office Complex. It also was
related to the executive branch breaking
into the office of Denial Ellsberg’s psychi-
atrist. Ellsberg was a former Pentagon
official who leaked the Pentagon Papers to
the NY Times. That revealed that the gov-
ernment was telling major lies about
Vietnam.
By August 1974, Richard Nixon was
faced with impeachment and resigned. On
The White House Press Corps.
August 9th 1974 Gerald R. Ford became
the 38th President of the United States.
Ford Pardoned his predecessor of all
crimes he “May or may not have commit-
ted.” The Pardon was an extremely contro-
versial move. It rubbed salt in the wounds
of all who wanted to see Nixon face the
music. The mainstream corporate media
has lead us to believe that there is a notion-
al consensuses that Ford did the right
thing. The precedent that was set has ram-
ifications we are feeling today. Bush,
Cheney, Rumsfeld and that criminal crowd
now know that they can float comfortably
above the law.
President Ford’s Wife Betty was out-
spoken. She had different views on abor-
tion and women’s rights than the president
and the Republican Party. This rankled
conservatives. She spoke openly about
women’s health, her health and came out
about her alcoholism. She set up the Betty
Ford Clinics for rehab.
One conspiracy person once told me,
www.thestonybrookpress.com
maybe he was the drunk, and that is why
he was always bumping his head and
falling down, “He was smashed” this dude
said.
Ford and Kissinger gave Indonesian
Dictator Shuorto the green light to invade
Not Found on Road Dead
E.Timor. E.Timor was a Protégées colony
for 400 years, and in 1975 they gained
their independence. On December 7th
1975 Ford and Kissinger met Shuarto in
Jakarta. In spite of the denials they spoke
of the invasion of E.Ti m o r. Kissinger said
that the invasion should take place after he
and Ford Left Indonesia. Kissinger told
Shuarto to conscure the attack as “self
defense” Indonesia has a population of
200 Million. E.Timor has a population of 1
million. The Attack happened on
December 8th 1975. The war and repres-
sion of E. Timor took the lives of 200,000
Timoreses.
In Africa, Angola gained its independ-
ence from Portugal. The Apartheid
Regime in South Africa Attacked Angola.
The policy of the Ford administration was
to back the rabbles who were trying to
bring down Angola. Former CIA agent
John Stockwell wrote the book, In Search
of Enemies details this evil fiasco.
The Shadow of Nixon was ever present.
Nixon and Kissinger helped organize the
overthrow of the democracy in Chili.
Thousands where killed in Santiago
Stadium; the democratically Elected
President Salvador Alliande was mur-
dered. In 1975 The Former Chilean
Ambassador Orlando Letelier and his aid
Ronnie Moffet were killed in Washington
DC. Their car was rigged to explode.
Former Chilean Secret Police and right
wing Cubans carried out the deed.
The Vietnam War ended under the Ford
presidency. Saigon Fell in 1975. Ended
over a decade of American involvement
tin Vietnam.
President Ford Vetoed more bills in a
shorter period of time then any president.
The Democrat control congress sent sever-
al bills to his desk, which got vetoed. They
were anti-poverty programs and various
spending bills. Only 4 vetos had been
South-P Lot
overridden.
The Head Line of the New York Daily
News read: “Ford to City: Drop Dead.”
This was about the near bankruptcy of
New York City. Ford supporters point out
that the headline was not a quote. But he
did deliver his nasty “unwanted baby on
the doorstep” speech. It compared New
York City and its financial crisis to an
unwanted baby on the doorstep.
With in the two years of his presidency
Ford had two assassination attempts on
him. Both would-be assassins were
women Sarah Jane Moore and in San
Francisco Lynnette “Squeaky” Fromme
fired a shot at President Ford. Fromme was
a member of Charles Manson’s “Family.”
Ford’s Vice President was New York’s
former Governor Nelson Rockefeller.
There was a division in the Administration
over New York City. In 1976 Ford had new
Running Mate, Kansas Senator Bob Dole.
The 1976 Campaign Featured two
debates between the Candidates. This was
the first time since 1960 that debates
between the candidates took place. Ford
blundered in his debate with Jimmy Carter.
He stated emphatically that Poland (then
part of the Warsaw pact, and behind the
Iron Curtin) was not dominated by the
Soviet Union, “nor would it under a Ford
administration.” Many believe this gaffe
may have cost Ford the Election. Jimmy
Carter won one of the closest elections in
American History.
Gerald R. Ford left the White House on
Jan 20th 1977. He Moved to California
with his wife. He dedicated most of the
rest of his life to golf.
17
 Movie Reviews Art Gallery Reviews
Fast Food Nation Christa Erickson - Prosthetic Memory
meat plant, which ends in an unfortunate acci-
dent covered up by the meat plant. His wife
Sylvia (Catalina Sandino Moreno) must now
go back to work at the plant, which she found
so deplorable at first, to try to provide and sup-
port for herself and her incapable husband.
Her work at the plant will be in the kill floor
department, where the cow is dissected into
future edible parts. Her job is to pull the kid-
neys apart!
We also have Mike (Bobby Cannavale),
the plant manager who treats the immigrant
workers like low lives as well as having many
By Eddie Zadorozny
sexual interludes that showcase what a creep Jowy Romano
___________ Seesaw!
the man is as well as his abuse of power at the
plant. Amber (Ashley Johnson), who works By Stephanie Hayes & Jowy Romano identify with? Comic book heroines or
When I heard a movie version of the 2001
as a counter girl at Mickey’s changes her tune ___________ Barbie? My favorite bit is a pair of spiky
book Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser
as to the merits of her job and what Mickey’s stilettos, literally lined with spikes.
was being produced, I was very excited and
stands for through the influence of new Interesting fact about seesaws: they Nestled between these killer heels is a
eager. The book was an excellent investiga-
activist friends. The scene where she and her were deemed a safety hazard and have compact with a video of Erickson applying
tive expose of the meat industry here in
intended Greenpeace wannabees cut down a been removed from most public play- lipstick. The artist wanted “to convey
America and their unorthodox methods of
fence at a slaughtering house to free the cows grounds. Good news: there’s a seesaw at impossible shoes,” and ideals of women
meat production and manufacturing. The
is just laughable and badly scripted. She actu- Christa Erickson’s exhibition, Prosthetic that have never suited her.
methods were appalling, nauseating, and
ally tries to reason with the cows! There are Memory. Erickson draws attention to the The second half of the exhibit explores
shocking, as well as repulsive. The book
countless cameos spread throughout the film stark contrast between the playtime of the way people are seen through their pur-
exposed and brought to light many subjects of
by recognizable actors as well. I suppose they children ages ago to the way children play chases, health records, and debt. In
concern; to a maybe unsuspecting American
saw the potential for the politics of this film now. The kids of yesteryear enjoyed more “Digital Skins,” the viewer feels like
public, or one in denial? Still not sure about
and what it could create. Yet the cameos in this physical pastimes while the kids today they’re approaching a mirror but soon see
that! Some issues brought to task were child
film are all too brief and awkward, as well as enjoy video games and the Internet. Her credit history and purchase lists filling the
and foreign labor, hygiene, sanitary, big busi-
reactionary (where was Bill Clinton with all art is not, however, blaming or complain- screen. “This is how we’re remembered or
ness monopolies, health and safety issues, and
this potential for politics? It’s not like he is too ing about the technology driven world. recognized, and it’s shocking,” says
chemicals for food microbiology. All these
busy at the moment. He has done some fine Erickson, a self-proclaimed “gadget Erickson. “Because it’s not who we are.”
issues were linked like the saturated fat that is
acting before, oh well.) freak,” discourages our culture’s “blame Take a trip around this side to look at “Dis-
found in a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder
The story lines are engaging to an extent, mentality” and proclaims that her work Ease,” a mix of scientific and personal sto-
cheeseburger, to the multiple endless fast food
but they are meant to all tie in together and that encourages viewers to “think of the ries relating to illness and our cultures dis-
entities that are so prominently displayed on
cohesiveness does not emote so well. Some effects” which can be regarded as both comfort accepting disease; or scare the shit
what seems like every street corner in
story lines shine more than others (the “good” and “bad.” Or neither. out of yourself watching our national debt
America. The book did such a good job of
Mexican immigrants) while others fall flat and The show is divided in two, the entrance progressively rise on “The Debt Reducer,”
altering my perception of red meat, with its
seem remote (Amber and her working class half focusing more on people in their which exposes our country’s problem with
countless circumstances of what is inside the
mom). I am all for different approaches and leisure. There’s a smorgasbord of images obesity and over-consumption.
meat (fecal matter), as well as what is left
methods to tell a story, and there is a good – travel, handshakes, dolls, and Wonder Despite the split of the gallery (I like to
inside (blood, pus, and tumors). That my con-
story to tell here as I was anticipating. Woman. Between pinwheels that the regard it as “seesaw side” and “alarming
sumption of red meat was so miniscule to
Although I knew beforehand the approach this viewer blows on to hear “She’ll Be Comin’ debt side”), all of Erickson’s work is cohe-
begin with made my decision to give it up
film would take. I was still hopeful since I ‘Round the Mountain,” to the aforemen- sive. They’re clever and they prompt visi-
completely an effortless and simple one. I
loved the book. tioned seesaw which flashes seemingly tors to consider the role technology plays
don’t miss it at all and have no regrets or crav-
This approach to give the film a narrative in endless hand interactions, these pieces are in people’s lives: our experiences through
ings since! Six years and counting! The book
the form of a script is the major problem I plain fun. At the same time, it’s impossi- technology, the way we’re remembered
is a great and engrossing read; the movie ver-
have with the film. It was a gamble, I know, ble to overlook the eeriness of such a through credit and numbers, and the ways
sion would certainly be full of potential. Or so
but this film has documentary style written all warped nostalgia – the way culture has we’ve evolved as a society.
I though!
over it! In the tradition of a Michael Moore, changed and the way it continues to. The Christa Erickson’s work will be on dis-
The movie plays out like another one of
investigative, in your face, dig up the dirt, and back wall displays the artist’s more per- play at the Staller Gallery through
those horrible screen adaptations of a Stephen
confront approach, it is the biggest flaw and sonal memories such as her search as a February 24th. Gallery hours are Tuesday-
King novel to screen. What is good in the
dilemma of this film that will leave audiences child for role models- who do young girls Friday: noon to 4pm, and Saturday: 7-9pm
book doesn’t always transcribe to film the
feeling cheated of the impact this film could
same way that was intended. I am not saying
have had, and should have been. This was not
it’s a bad film; its purpose is there and the
the film to experiment with format! At best
many problems and issues the book raised are
this film is medium rare; the potential for well
there. It is the way it is portrayed and repre-
done could be best suited by reading the book
sented to the audience that left me scratching
or seeing the film “Super Size Me” (Hint:
my head as to why.
make sure you see the special features setting
The film deals with all these issues very
for his lab experiment with the fast food spec-
prominently but in the form of a narrative,
imens. The outcome is memorable)
actors, plots and characters as an engrossing
Fast Food Nation- rated R (language, sex-
driven ensemble. We have Greg Kinear as
ual situations, drug content, violence) 113
Brian, a marketing executive for Mickey
minutes, released by Fox Searchlight pic-
burgers whose newest menu item “The Big
tures, directed by Richard Linklater.
One” is his job to promote. Raul (Wilmer
Valderrama) a Mexican immigrant smuggled
Jowy Romano
into the country to get work in America at a Fast Food Nation If you text message your debt you will get a surprise!

www.thestonybrookpress.com
18
 The History of the Meal Plan
By Jowy Romano
___________
Student discontent with the meal plan is
not a new thing here at Stony Brook. We
have been through a handful of food serv-
ice providers over the years. The current
one, Chartwells has been on campus since
1998. Before Chartwells was a company
called Aramark, which had been on cam-
pus for seven years before losing their con-
tract. Before Aramark was DAKA, which
happens to be part of Chartwells now.
This article, though, will concentrate on
Aramark, which earned itself much cover-
age in The Press between 1996 and 1998.
Aramark introduced a new meal plan
structure called the Advantage plan in
1996, fresh after a contract renewal with
the Faculty Student Association. There
were three pricing levels for the advantage
plan: Basic Advantage at $900, Standard
Advantage at $1050, and Ultra Advantage
at $1200. $682 from each of these plans
was deducted to cover overhead costs such
as facility rental, packaging, labor, garbage
removal, etc. The remaining money
became Advantage dollars, which could be
spent on food at a discounted price—sup-
posedly at cost.
The Advantage plan was created
because of discontent with the previous
meal plan. The problem was, the
Advantage plan was just a deceiving
adjustment of numbers and not any real
improvement over the meal plan. This led
to The Press publishing a series of articles
titled “The D i sAdvantage Plan” in
September 1996. In these articles, John
Giuffo, then Managing Editor, called out
several problems with Aramark’s new
meal plan.
One point Giuffo made was that when
you ordered food from either of the two
off-campus delivery providers—Pudgie’s
and Station Pizza—you would be charged
full price, but you would still be spending
Advantage dollars. “This means that the
$12 or $13 you spend on
pizza and soda delivery have
an Advantage dining value of
around $30,” explained a quote
from the first “DisAdvantage
Plan” article. Another
point Giuffo made was
that the Advantage
food prices
were likely
higher than
the cost to
Aramark.
“Aramark’s Advantage price for a 12 oz.
can of Coke is $.42. A short 5 minute trip
to Edward’s however, will reveal how
inflated that price is. Edward’s charges
$3.99 for a 12-pack case of Coke; that’s
$.33 for a can,” said Giuffo in the second
article. By the time the third part of the
series was released, many students were
already in an uproar about the meal plan.
Just over a year later, in October 1997,
The Press published a theme issue called
“Aramark Makes Us Nuts.” This issue
included various opinion pieces filled with
complaints about the meal plan and an edi-
torial titled “Aramark Has Got To Go.”
What followed was increased student
activism as The Press received a large
amount of feedback. In the very next
issue, many of these letters were pub-
lished, as was an article by Stephen
Preston called “The Missing Million.”
This article goes into many things in
depth, the most interesting
being this: $680 from every
students
meal plan went
straight to
Aramark, and 9,550
students signed up for the meal
plan that semester, so that would
mean Aramark should have gotten
$6,494,000
in total.
However, a
Profit-and-
Loss state-
ment claims
Aramark only received $5,626,792.60.
Hence the “Missing Million.”
The publication of these two Press
issues, along with increasing student dis-
trust and discontent towards the
Advantage meal plan, turned out to be the
beginning of the end for Aramark on cam-
pus. In the summer of 1997, the FSA
decided against the renewal of Aramark's
contract, instead to open the bidding
process again. Two companies made it to
the end of this process: Aramark and
Chartwells. By a vote of 6-4, the FSA
chose Chartwells to take over as the food
service provider for the campus.
Aramark being kicked off campus was a
victory for the P ress staff, who worked
very hard to expose all of the complaints
about the company, and it was a victory for
all the students who were fed up with the
Advantage plan. The meal plan that fol-
lowed was structured like this: every stu-
dent pays $1,200, $500 of which can only
be used in the residential dining halls and
$700 that can be spent anywhere on cam-
pus. This is somewhat more expensive
than the former plan, but it’s simple and
straightforward.
Today, Chartwells' Residential meal
plan options are much different. Now the
cheapest meal plan for students in a non-
cooking building is the Bronze Plan, at
$1,430 per semester. The thing is, students
only get to spend $1,160 of this money.
That's right, they are charging every stu-
dent on this plan $270 up front. This is
also the case with the Silver, Gold, and
Platinum plans.
This means that students (who are
forced to purchase a meal plan) are paying
more than people who walk in and pay
cash. A benefit of the meal plan is that it
is not taxed, but this $270 charge is well
over what tax would cost even on the most
expensive Platinum Plan.
When Chartwells won the bidding
process over Aramark, the cover of The
Press read “The More Things Change, The
More They Stay The Same.” They had no
idea how right they were.

If you are on a residential meal plan,

you pay $270 that does not go
towards your points. This means you
pay more for food than someone who
walks in and pays with cash! (even
after tax).

2

By Bryan Hasho
___________
As the controversial cuisine provider
of Stony Brook University, the name
Chartwells is well known around cam-
pus. But Chartwells, in all its eating,
living, and learning, is actually just the
educational division of UK-based food
service conglomerate Compass Group.
Similar to the way Toblerone is the
chocolate division of Kraft Foods, now
ironically owned by Alrtia (formerly
Phillip Morris), execution decisions at
Chartwells can be traced to the higher
ups at Compass Group, easily the
wo r l d ’s largest food service provider.
Compass Group is present in over 70
countries and a member of the FTSE
100, a list of the largest and most prof-
itable companies on the London Stock
Exchange. Shares of the company have
been progressing as of late on the com-
p a n y ’s pledge to yield better profits
without increasing revenue. “The focus
for the next two to three years on like-
f o r-like growth will see more attention
paid to margins,” reported Financial
Ti m es in November of last year.
Compass Group’s meal services
extend farther than the educational
products. The company offers both
food and vending services to numerous
outlets, including railroads, factories,
o ffices, hospitals, shopping malls, and
By James Laudano
___________
With all the information here regarding
meal plans, I feel it is important to take a
closer look at the organization that lies
behind each swipe of your ID card. The
Faculty Student Association (FSA), whose
office is located on the second floor of the
Union, is that very organization. However,
the FSA’s reach doesn’t simply end at our
meal plans. They are also responsible for
our bookstore accounts, off campus hous-
ing, and laundry system. The organization
is meant to be a flexible and efficient
provider of the basic campus necessities.
Even while keeping all of these respon-
sibilities in mind, the FSA’s biggest job is
still to make sure your Stony Brook meal
plan experience goes as smoothly as possi-
ble. The meal plan office, which is a side
room in the main FSA office, is where any
and all transaction problems are tackled. If
you find a charge for 80 dollars from the
Roth Cafeteria, yet know you’ve never
even been to the aforementioned eatery,
the FSA meal plan office is the place to go.
Not only does the meal plan office handle
all student grievances, they also are in
Portrait of Chartwells
airports. They contract major franchis-
es for their outlets including Taco Bell,
Pizza Hut, and Burger King.
Compass originated in 1987, when
worldwide financial turmoil caused the
sale of Grand Metropolitan’s catering
unit to the tune of $260 million in
what’s known as the costliest spin-off
in LSE history. In 1988, Compass
Group was brought public paving the
path for one of London’s most success-
ful corporate enterprises. Soon after
came the emergence of
US-based A r a m a r k ,
Stony Brook’s pre-
vious food servic-
es unit. A r a m a r k
and Compass
Group began a
Gordon Gecko-
esque conglomerate cock-
fight, matching hostile
takeovers with more aggres-
sive, larg e r, takeovers, thus the
seemingly pointless amount of sub-
sidiaries (example: Chartwells).
Compass group eventually won out
as the world’s dominate grilled cheese
f l i p p e r, but saw profits decrease due to
the mass of debt accumulated during
their corporate spending spree. T h e y
began to count the pennies, however,
and in 1995 boasted revenue of almost
$3 billion on a $178 million in operat-
ing profits. To d a y, their most recent
Portrait of FSA
charge of ensuring the food budget is prop-
erly allocated and balanced (something
that Stony Brook always excels at). Much
of the above mentioned work is done
through the FSA’s chief contracted compa-
ny, Chartwell’s. Through Chartwell’s, the
FSA controls the inner machinations of
most every cafeteria/dining hall/food
emporium on campus, with the small
exceptions of Jasmine and a few others.
But why do we need such an org a n i z a-
tion to oversee these things? Well, the FSA
was originally created to cut through the
red tape of the bureaucratic SUNY system.
Have you ever tried to really get some-
thing done here through SBU administra-
tion? Yeah, there’s a lot of hassle and
pomp-and-circumstance involved. It’s a
pain in the neck. SUNY, as a state-owned
organization, is forced to comply with
state laws. Laws that regard such minor
inconveniences as ethics, labor unions,
disclosure, etc. The FSA was created to be
a go-around to many of these hurdles.
Being a privately owned, non-for-profit
entity, the FSA technically has freedom
from the state laws that bog down the rest
of the SUNY campus experience. Whether
or not a company should have freedom
annual report states $11 billon in total
revenue, with a 3.5% dividend returned
to investors. The company employs
over 400,000 people, and ranks 260 on
F o r t u n e ’s Global 500, a few spots ahead
of McDonalds.
Aside from their financial success,
the company has an
extensive
record of
scandalous
accusations.
As they expanded to the US and all over
Europe, competing food provider
Sodexho claimed that Compass had
undercut their offer to Disney’s
European division, a process, though
legal, is largely considered unethical in
the business community. While the
allegations left a stain of corporate
i n d i g n i t y, it was their involvement in
2 0 0 5 ’s United Nations peacekeeper
scandals that many feel really showed
from these basic state laws is quite anoth-
er question.
However, it is important to note that the
FSA does take most of its marching orders
from Stony Brook administration, regard-
less of this independence. Over the past
decade or so, the FSA has become more
and more entwined with the whims and
desires of President Kenny’s administra-
tion. There have been numerous instances
in the past where administration has either
threatened to change the by-laws of the
FSA, or to dissolve the org a n i z a t i o n
entirely. In 1997, the administration threat-
ened to shut down the organization if some
of the FSA’s laws were not altered to bet-
ter fit its preferences. Nor was that the first
time that has happened. And while the
FSA today still manages the retail services
and contractors on campus, it’s the admin-
istration who originally subcontracts the
order to the FSA in the first place.
That being said, it is not a far stretch to
conclude that the FSA has really become
more of an extension of the administra-
tion’s control over the basic aspects of
campus life. Therefore, instead of fulfill-
ing its original intent of cutting through
the red-tape and SUNY hassles, the FSA
the company’s nature.
In April of that year, UN
Procurement Officer Alexander
Yakovlev was arrested for taking nearly
a million dollars in bribes from
Compass Group in exchange for the
$257 million contract previously
signed. Compass fired the individuals
relevant to the account, and told Fox
News that they had “no reason to
believe that these issues extended
beyond these individuals to other
parts of ESS or to the wider
Compass Group of companies.”
They later refused to publi-
cize any part of their internal
investigation.
Today Compass Group
continues an attempt to
rebuild their lackluster repu-
tation. Their endless nutri-
tional crusades promote prop-
er eating habits, but their
claims are generally mocked by
students and various publications alike.
The site “Cooking Money: A History of
Corruption by The Compass Group” is
both extensive and oft-read, and the
Facebook group “Chartwells Catering
Is Screwing Me Out of My Money” has
145 horror-story-sharing members.
Their tag line, edited into the original
Chartwells logo on the group page well
explicates the perception of their food
provider; “Chartwells: Eat. Poop. Die.”
has simply become another layer of
bureaucratic bog on top of what we
already had. Rather than alleviating a
problem, the FSA has instead exacerbated
it.
Many of us would agree that we don’t
want the administration running the sys-
tem as it does in the above mentioned way.
However, I personally don’t know if I feel
comfortable with one, separate, private
organization running every retail service
on campus independent of the administra-
tion, either. Would it be best to have each
cafeteria and bookstore in charge of its
own affairs? Or should we keep the current
arrangement and hope that the FSA instead
grow some teeth and courage and stand up
to the administration more often? Once
again, I’m not sure I really like either
option. Both of them may just add more
hassle to our meal plan experience as it is.
It really is a dangerous, fine line to walk.
All I can say is that we here at the SB Press
will continue to investigate the matters of
the FSA and related issues in the time to
come. The above questions, I’ll leave for
you to decide. Just keep in mind all the
dealings behind your swipes of the ID card
from now on…. Bon Appetit.
3
 One of the arguments for the meal plan is that it is tax
free. The thing is, there is a $270 fee each person on the
residential meal plan pays before even purchase any-
thing. In the graph above, we compare what you would
pay in tax if you spent the same amount of money you
have on a meal plan in cash and the $270 fee.

4
 Meal Plan Alternatives
By Alex Walsh
___________
If nothing offered by campus dining
seems appetizing, what is one to do?
Eating off campus has always been a
possibility, but the school doesn’t have
any programs in place to facilitate this
for students. That may be changing in
the coming years. The “Campus Cash”
debit program, to be debuted within the
next few weeks, is a step toward sup-
port for off-campus dining. A n o t h e r
option that has been discussed is a stu-
dent run food co-op, located on campus
to provide competitive food prices.
Campus Cash is a new debit account
system to be used with the Stony Brook
ID card. It will be usable with residence
hall laundry machines, some printers
(only the Health Science Center Library
for now), vending machines (currently
one is in the Union Lobby, but more
will be installed soon), and, most
importantly, for discounted food at off -
campus eateries. When Campus Cash
comes into effect this semester, it will
be as an experimental program, with
Domino’s and Subway as the only par-
ticipating locations.
These were chosen as the top results
in a poll taken last semester concerning
s t u d ent s ’ interest in off-campus dining,
each garnering 17% of the votes from
students living in Residence Halls. Of
the 635 students – commuters and resi-
dents – polled, 596 (about 94%) said
they would use a debit account to pur-
chase food off-campus. According to
USG President Romual Jean-Baptiste,
if those results are accurate, and the
program is widely used, it will be
expanded to provide more options in
the future. Purchases from Subway and
Domino’s (except the 5-5-5 and 7-7-7
specials) will be discounted 10%.
Student discounts were already avail-
able at Subway, but they are new at
Domino’s .
Campus Cash will function in much
the same way as the current laundry
debit system. Students will be able to
add money at machines located in sev-
eral buildings on campus. A n o t h e r
future development President Jean-
Baptiste hopes for, if the program is
successful, is the ability to apply finan-
cial aid awards to Campus Cash. It will
not be an extension of the meal plan’s
Campus Points or Flex Points. One rea-
son for keeping this account separate
from the meal plan is taxability.
Currently, food purchased on campus
with student meal plans is not taxed. If
the meal plans were extended to off -
campus sales, taxes would have to be
included. Another likely reason is com-
petition. Because of the general dispar-
ity between prices on and off campus,
i t ’s possible that students given a choice
would spend more money at non-
Chartwell’s-sponsored locations, reduc-
ing revenue from the school’s eateries.
O ff-campus meal plans were one of
the issues that all of the candidates in
the Fall USG elections seemed to favor.
Campus Cash debit isn’t quite that, but
it’s a start, especially if further dis-
counts are made available when the pro-
gram expands. “This is something I
would not take a ‘no’ on,” Jean-Baptiste
said, also crediting USG Senators
Robert Romano and A l e x s a n d r a
Borodkin for working hard on the proj-
ect. In his State of USG memorandum,
the President also thanked Kevin Kelly,
Karol Grey, and the FSA Board of
Directors.
The school’s contract with
Chartwell’s, which currently provides
meal plan services on campus, is up for
renewal soon. It is hoped that increased
competition from off-campus sources
could drive down the prices students
pay to eat. Perhaps Chartwell’s, or
whatever company the school is con-
tracted with next, might even eventual-
ly allow the extension of the meal plans
o ff campus. In the meantime, USG and
FSA should continue to look for ways to
make the system they’ve created more
useful. All of the off-campus locations
listed in the survey are supermarkets or
eateries, but the debit account could
really be used anywhere. Making a deal
with Stony Books to accept Campus
Cash could make it more useful for stu-
dents. Some professors already use the
o ff-campus bookstore exclusively.
Combining the Campus Book Store
account with Campus Cash and allow-
ing students to apply financial aid to
their accounts would create a real free-
dom to choose, and could only benefit
students.
Another initiative to create competi-
tion, although one that is much farther
from fruition, is a proposed food co-op.
The idea was presented by Cheryl
Lynch, an undergraduate student, to the
USG last semester. Lynch and members
of USG researched the idea. The co-op
would be a location on campus where
students could buy food at low prices.
Operated by students, rather than
Chartwell’s, and selling as close to at-
cost as possible, it could provide a
thrifty alternative to high-priced food.
Despite the initial push, this idea seems
to have stalled. Finding start-up funding
and an open location are problems, as
well as drawing up a viable business
plan. “Anyone who wants to help out
should definitely get involved,” Lynch
said. “I’m not sticking around forever.”
Co-ops have been established at several
colleges, including Hampshire College
in Amherst, MA, and SUNY Purchase.
As with off-campus dining, anything
that sells at a lower cost than the
school’s dining facilities creates compe-
tition which could force the other eater-
ies to lower prices. And isn’t that what
we all want?
5
 Coke is it?
By Madeline Scheckter
___________
The Coca-Cola Company enjoys an
exclusive contract with Stony Brook
University. This means that all drink prod-
ucts served on campus are owned by
Coke, with very few exceptions; only 10%
of shelf space is left for non-Coke prod-
ucts, such as Apple & Eve juices, milk,
and Silk soy milk, products which are not
in direct competition with Coke.
This exclusivity does not cover only
products available to students at the vari-
ous campus eateries and the beverages
served at Stony Brook sporting events.
According to the Operations and
Procedures supplied by the Department of
Facilities Operations, off-campus caterers
are required to serve Coca-Cola products.
So, while the Coca-Cola contract is sepa-
rate from the University’s contract with
Chartwells, Chartwells is required to sell
their products.
Coca-Cola has a larger stake in Stony
Brook than simply supplying soft drinks,
fountain syrups, water, and juice products
to our campus. They also provide an
undisclosed amount of funding to the uni-
versity for buildings and athletic scholar-
ships. This makes it even more difficult
for the Social Justice Alliance, a student
organization pushing for a non-renewal of
6
The Commuter Plan
the current contract with Coke, to come up By Bryan Hasho mitted to eat wherever they’d like at any
with alternatives to the major corporation. ___________ given time. That’s right, as a commuter,
The current contract was signed in 1998 you can have lunch in the SAC during all
by the Faculty Student Association and The commuter meal plan is larg e l y applicable hours.
expires next January. According to similar consistent with the rest of Chartwell’s The Commuter 250 consists of 225 flex
contracts signed at other schools, ten years s m o rgasbord of charitable offerings, credits, with the Commuter 500 allotting
is the typical duration for one of these con- though somewhat more favorable. you a thoughtful 400 flex and 75 campus
tracts. Commuters boast a swank 90% return on points, in case you aren’t in the mood for
Because of the SJA’s extensive cam- the cost of the plan, while residents range Jasmine the last few weeks of the semes-
paigning, many students are already aware from rapacious 81-88% depending on ter.
of the main reason the organization wants your choice of precious metal. This Unlike the resident meal plans, the left-
Coke off campus. On their website (sbus- means that while residents receive $1140 over funds from commuter plans carry
ja.org), the organization lists a variety of on their $1430 contribution to the over from semester to semester. Just
violations committed by the Coca-Cola London-based Compass group, Stony don’t forget to upgrade; funds can be
Corporation, such as murdering trade Brook commuters, with the barg a i n i n g added to commuter plans in various incre-
unionists and their families in Columbia power of, say, driving elsewhere, are only ments.
and unlawfully dismissing them in at least docked $25 the 250/500 plans. Lucky us. “My arms kind of twisted to eat
10 other countries. According to killer- In addition to the advantage of lower here…it’s definitely too expensive,” said
coke.org, at least 30 schools (including fees, commuter students are actually per- John Stelmack, a returning student.
two high schools) worldwide have ended
contracts with Coke.
Some students may remember that last
year the SJA was pushing the university to
cut the contract. At their meeting on
Thursday, February 8th, I learned that they
are no longer pushing for the contract to be
cut, but simply want the university to
allow the contract to expire next year. The
SJA is not the only campus organization to
speak out against the University’s contract
with Coke. The GSEU (Graduate Student
Employees Union) took a stance against
Coke in October 2006.
When Chartwells first came to cam-
pus, their residential meal plan cost
$1,200. You got to spend all of that
money; $700 could be spent on cam-
pus and $500 could be spent in the
residential dining halls. Now the
cheapest meal plan is $1,430 and
you only get to spend $1,160 of that!
 A Completely Baseless Rant About How
Much the Meal Plan Sucks
By Joe “Eat This” Safdia
___________
In this issue of The Stony Brook Pre s s,
you’ve read many an investigative news
article detailing all the flaws of the cam-
pus meal plan. You’ve read (or ignored if
you don’t like investigative journalism)
many interviews, facts, and figures.
You’ve probably read articles about some
of what goes on behind FSA’s closed
doors (the ones I’m sure they tell you are
always open if you have a question), the
slew of useless and inane fees, price com-
parisons with off-campus supermarkets.
But sometimes, when it comes to telling
others just how much something sucks,
nothing beats a good rant. And that is the
main point of this article, if not the entire
meal plan spread. The meal plan sucks.
I shouldn’t feel like a rape victim
every time I swipe that card, but some-
how the Faculty Student Administration
(FSA), Campus Dining, and whatever
other waste of resources and human life
runs the meal plan make me feel like I
should run straight to the nearest police
precinct and have them arrested. I guess I
should. After all, I h a v e been robbed. Just
today at the SAC, I had two slices of
pizza and a drink that came out to over
$7. What the fuck!? I shit thee not (unlike
the administration, which shits thee con-
stantly and enjoys it), it cost me $7.10 for
two slice of cheese pizza and an orange
juice. Not even Tropicana. No, this
orange juice was from concentrate, what-
ever the fuck that means. Honestly, for
that price, I should get a blow job or
something to go with the meal (maybe
How do YOU feel about the meal plan?
E-mail us your thoughts, stories, complaints, etc.
sbpress@gmail.com
not a great blow job, but a blow job
nonetheless). Pizza in the city is nowhere
near that expensive. In Brooklyn, you can
get that same meal for $5.50. And you
d o n ’t get mediocre Long Island pizza, but
re a l pizza. And it’s not just the SAC, it’s
all over campus. Oh boy, the prices of
deli meat at the Union Deli? Over $5 for
a cheese sandwich, I believe? I smell
bullshit. The quality of the food is not
reflected in the price at all.
Oh fuck me silly, don’t even get me
started on the food quality. It’s enough to
send Gordon Ramsay on a shooting spree
in Benedict. I had a friend who came to
visit once throw out his entire tray at
brunch after taking a bite of that yellow
glob they’ve taken to calling “eggs” now.
A b u rger in Benedict is how much? Four
dollars? I don’t remember because I
h a v e n ’t bought one since the Spring 2004
semester! As tasty as a dry leather meat-
like substance between two brittle ham-
b u rger buns is, I figure that starvation or
cannibalism probably works better. Taco
Bell is fantastic if you like diarrhea, I’ve
actually seen Kelly run out of food, Roth
Dining sucks more dick than even the
worst porn websites, the food at the
Bleacher club looks suspiciously like
dark-colored vomit (the only thing peo-
ple consistently liked about that place
was Penny the Pasta Lady), I don’t trust
the Kosher places, USB delivery is a fail-
ure in almost every conceivable way, and
I have never and will never try Deng
Lee’s. The best place to eat is Dunkin’
Donuts. No, not the one in Tabler, fool,
the one off campus. Tabler Arts Center
d o e s n ’t even count as a real dining hall,
and their Dunkin’ Donuts doesn’t count
as a real Dunkin’ Donuts (no sandwiches,
no Dunkin’). Jasmine used to be awe-
some, but even that has gone downhill
faster than George W. Bush’s public
approval ratings. No wonder why more
and more people are buying their own
food off campus or cooking on their own.
Speaking of which, and this is direct evi -
dence of how much the meal plan sucks,
FSA or whoever runs this shit apparently
wants to force a l l students to get the meal
plan. As I said, this is direct evidence of
how much they suck and have complete-
ly failed to contribute something positive
to society, because if the food didn’t taste
like ass then they wouldn’t have to do
this. Note to Shirley Strum Kenny: you
w o u l d n ’t have to require people to buy
the meal plan if you made the food taste
halfway decent in the first place. Oh well,
I guess when running a “multibillion dol-
lar corporation” (her words to describe
the school, not mine), it’s easier to simply
force the students to ingest runny slop
that almost resembles a food-like sub-
stance than to simply hire a couple chefs
who know how to cook.
To further prove that the administra-
tion is a giant mega-whore, the amount of
money that you pay for the meal plan is
not the same amount of money that you
get to spend once it’s activated. Oh,
speaking of activating the meal plan,
d o n ’t forget the fee that they charge you
for its activation. Yes, I’m not lying to
you! It’s like $200 for them to press
“Enter” on their computers. Yeah, faculty
people, I don’t give a fuck what you have
to say. I know it’s not some painstaking
delicate process that requires lots of
money. Bullshit, it’s a few keystrokes and
you know it. Now give me back my
money or your firstborn (or maybe stuff
the money into your firstborn and let me
whack it open like a piñata). Oh, and to
top it all off (as if the meal plan couldn’t
be more of a waste of money), they take
o ff $40 when you first come to this
school. Why? I think it was for some
meal to welcome incoming freshmen. Or,
as I like to call it, the most expensive
bagged lunch you’ll never buy.
That’s why I think people should just
steal things from the dining halls. Walk
in, grab a sandwich, and just walk right
by the cashier. I’m sure they give a damn.
Honestly, I think Stony Brook could not
have granted us a better display of
hypocrisy than allowing us to look at a
sign that tells us that shoplifting is a
crime while we pay for our $2 bags of
chips and our $1.75 iced teas. That’s
almost as big a crime as not allowing
every student on campus to bitchslap the
top FSA executives. By the way, Stony
Brook, about those signs that you put up
during brunch that say, “It doesn’t matter
if it’s a banana or a cup of juice. If you
take food out of the dining hall, it’s still
stealing and it’s a crime.” No it’s fucking
not. Not if you fucking paid for it. Unless
the New York State Assembly and Senate
vote to make it illegal, it’s not. You are
not a body of elected officials, so stop
trying to scare the students because we’re
not as fucking stupid as you are. Now,
faculty bitches, get us some decent hot
dogs at a reasonable price before I slap
you with my wiener.
7
Conclusions

The problems with the meal plan are abundant and clear. But what
is the solution? Obviously we don’t think it is a good idea to hire another
large corporation into another monopoly on campus. When dealing with
large corporations, time flows like a river and history repeats. The Press
believes the administration and the FSA should rent the dining halls out to
various small businesses and let them compete with each other on campus.
This would keep prices down and create a diverse selection of food choic-
es.
President Shirley Strum-Kenny recently told us in an interview that
she thinks prices would go up if we did this and what we need is to do is
just work for a better contract with Chartwells once the current one is up.
You read right, she said she thinks competition will raise prices. The head
of the university should know that basic economics will tell you that com-
petition lowers prices and we are sure she does. She is likely concerned with
how much money the school makes off of this gross exploitation of stu-
dents. To this we say, “So what if the university will not get as much money
out of this?” Deal with it. Find somewhere else to get this money. You
work for us, not the other way around. We can’t afford to go into debt sup-
porting these large corporations any longer and we refuse to.
 By Steve McLinden
___________
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah: Some Loud
Thunder (01/30/07, self-released)
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is a pretty
self-explanatory band name. You didn’t
have to listen to their self-titled 2005
album to know that they were going to
bring an infectious brand of indie rock with
a sarcastic edge for everyone to enjoy. But
with Some Loud Thunder, their sophomore
effort released on January 30th, CYHSY
seeks to shake that reputation up… or do
they?
Much ado had been made about a shift
that we’d see on the sophomore album,
Some Loud Thunder, and it did sound
much different. After more analytical lis-
tening session, however, the same elements
that defined the first album seem to shine
through again. Is it a lazy effort to try
sounding “different” by simply putting a
new to the same old, or is it a revolutionary
and brilliant sonic growth for the band?
Either way, the execution was perfect:
most fans of the first album will hear the
same traits with which they fell in love in
2005. For the second time, if you want to
like Some Loud Thunder, you’re going to
love it; if not, you’re likely to be asking,
“What the hell is this?”
Though the first album was hit with a
barrage of critiques after an initial adora-
tion amongst critics and listeners, there
was a near-unanimous agreement: Clap
Your Hands Say Yeah had the balls to come
out swingin’ with the we-don’t-give-a-
fuck-if-you-like-it-or-not first impression,
and on Some Loud Thunder, they’re again
reiterating that theme. Despite the explo-
sion in popularity based upon the first
album, CYHSY is upholding the artsy do-
it-yourself ethos and again self-releasing
this album, so there won’t be any cries of
“Sellout!” this time around.
The first track on this album, which
shares its title with the album, is not unlike
the opening “Clap Your Hands” on the pre-
vious album. “Clap Your Hands” was just
plain obnoxious, in an affront to whomev-
er it was that they didn’t want listening.
Some Loud Thunder reprises that shitty
sonic quality and the grating noise that
comes with it, though this time it sounds
more like a cassette you’d find in the base-
ment of Ween or Neutral Milk Hotel.
The following two tracks also just seem
to assault your ears, but in a totally good
way, unless you become easily scared off
or just throw down your earbuds in disgust.
Lead singer Alec Ounsworth has been a
somewhat polarizing aspect of the music,
as some find the vocals too irritating to tol-
erate. Or, to quote my friend’s ever- s o - e l o-
quent IM, “They wouldn’t suck so bad if
they just had no singer.” Indeed, the mid-
dle of the album is sort of a big weak spot
which only feel like even more of a waste
of your time with Ounsworth’s signature
slacking style. However, the tracks before
it are really the gems that almost make
“Goodbye to Mother and the Cove” and
“Arm and Hammer” forgivable.
“Love Song No. 7” is really the best
example of a little increased complexity,
with the introduction of a piano melody
and a more downtrodden reflection.
“Satan Said Dance” is sure to become a
crowd favorite at CYHSY shows; in fact,
I’m considering lacing up my Chucks and
sliding across the floor right now. It also
speaks volumes on the trans-Atlantic indie
culture war, in light of all of England’s oh-
so-danceable bands: the East Coast may be
a little rough around the edges, but we’re
not afraid to shake our collective ass,
either.
The album exhibits a sort of return to
form with the catchy “Yankee Go Home,”
which would likely fit in discreetly with
the Talking Heads-like self-titled album. It
concludes with “Five Easy Pieces,” an airy,
almost-shoegaze song that approaches the
seven-minute mark and sort of summarizes
the attempt at sounding different when
nothing really changed; Ounsworth’s indis-
tinguishable lyrics drift atop the fuzzy
sound in a sort of passive-aggressive chal-
lenge to the listener to love it or hate it.
And that’s really an excellent way for the
members of CYHSY to define themselves:
this is how we sound, take it or leave it.
Bloc Party: A Weekend In The City
(02/06/07, Vice Records)
Forgive me if this reads like the review
above, but 2007 seems to be starting with a
trend of gloomy attitudes, along with a
desire to experiment more. I think that with
the proliferation of indie rock bands who
can reach audiences (thanks, MySpace and
iTunes) the market is in danger of total sat-
uration, and bands are quickly realizing
that adapt-or-die is the name of the game.
Unfortunately for the English indie
rock/post-punk band Bloc Party, it just did-
n’t pay off on A Weekend In The City.
First and foremost, lest we prejudge, I
would warn that the title is a bit mislead-
ing, or maybe it’s supposed to be a cry for
help. The melancholy tone of the album
seems to express a desire to escape from
the hustle and bustle of over-urbanization,
not to revel in it. This only makes sense, as
introverted frontman Kele Okereke has had
a hard time dealing with the success of and
www.thestonybrookpress.com
spotlight that came with the debut of Silent
Alarm in 2005. In one of a few interviews
granted, he even compared himself to the
patron saint of English music’s tortured
souls, Morrissey. While these life experi-
ences and the freedom to experiment
shaped Okereke’s work in following up
Silent Alarm, the ambitious effort for the
most part just falls on its face.
Overproduction and electronic effects
become the driving forces through the mid-
dle of the album, and Kele’s attempts at
expressing his emotions often sound
strained, most notably on “Uniform.” The
redeeming element in A Weekend In The
City is the talent of Russell Lissack, but
even his spiky riffs often seem out of place
on the opening tracks.
Bloc Party stars off with “Song For Clay
(Disappear Here)” sounding like every
other band who’s tried to dig up the grave
of post-punk and make it danceable. Some
people like that, but it’s just not Bloc
Party’s game; they were supposed to be
more sophisticated and art-rockish than
this. As in the first single, “The Prayer”
attempts to focus on a more tribal beat, but
it just doesn’t mesh with the synthesized
melody. After some more beats sounding
like a TV On The Radio wannabe, the
music improves towards the end of the
album. With “Kreuzberg,” we find a com-
fortable balance, but it’s only a brief taste
of what Bloc Party should sound like. The
likely hit song will be “I Still Remember,”
even if it does sound like a cheesy tribute
to The Smiths. With “Sunday” and
“SXST” we get some more reflective and
less manic sounds. If you buy this CD,
skip to track 8 and start there for maximum
enjoyment.
Busdriver:RoadKillOvercoat (01/30/07,
Epitaph Records)
Hip-hop is alive and well, ladies and
gentlemen- you just may have to dig six
feet deep to find it. Since Nas dropped his
radical bombshell on us a couple of months
ago, the rap game’s been void of much
worth mentioning, which is most likely a
coincidence in the slow months of winter.
With the ever-eccentric Busdriver’s
RoadKillOverc o a t, the underground has
put forth hip-hop’s first noteworthy album
of the year.
The underground Los Angeles rapper,
known outside of the community for not
much but his rapidfire staccato lyricism, is
looking at breaking through into main-
stream popularity…sort of. Since 2001,
Busdriver (whose driver’s license reads
Regan Farquhar) has self-released three of
his first four albums, plus two on Mush
Records, a small indie label focused on
experimental hip-hop. But in 2006,
Farquhar signed with Epitaph, a big name
in punk rock that has diversified into alter-
native hip-hop recently. As a featured
MySpace artist in January, Busdriver was
also exposed to a much wider audience
leading up to the release of
RoadKillOvercoat. Don’t get me wrong,
though: that’s not to say conforming to
industry standards.
Setting the pace for the rest of the
album, “Casting Agents and Cowgirls” hits
us with a hot beat catchier than any of
Kanye’s, and an unabashed hook, which
you typically don’t get from the anthem-
shy “nerd” rappers. Of course, that hook is
ironically a strong accusation against sell-
out rappers: “You did, you got it: you
wowed the world/ of casting agents and
cowgirls/ fess up, you dressed up, to kill
yourself./ Well, I'm still on the shelf.” As
far as the lyrics go, though, I hate to say
that he’s dumbed down, but Busdriver has
shown us that he’s smarter than this, like
freestyling about the ethics of eating meat
at a drive-thru window. There’s nothing
bad enough to make you groan, but half-
joking cheap shots he takes, like at spoiled
“art-school kids” on “Sun Shower” are
pretty weak. I also can’t think of another
artist to bash the Bush-bashers like
Busdriver does on the first single “Kill
Your Employer (Recreational Paranoia Is
the Sport of Now)”, and then himself con-
demn “daddy’s spoiled son” a few tracks
later on “The Troglodyte Wins”. Then
again, dry humor, cynicism and schizo-
phrenic tendencies are archetypal
Busdriver.
As always, the production behind
Busdriver’s lyrical stylings don’t let down.
With all production done by beat specialist
Nobody and/or Anticon’s resident multi-
instrumentalist Boom Bip, I’d be hard-
pressed to name one weak song on the
album. Be it the almost-club-friendly “The
Trogdolyte Wins” with the sped-up R&B
sample and lots of sparkle, or the glitch-
pop beat on “Kill Your Employer…” or the
acoustic guitar accompanying the final
track “Dream Catcher’s Mitt.”
RoadKillOvercoat doesn’t have any stupid
skits or filler tracks which often ruin the
organics of a hip-hop album.
It may not be the type of rap with which
you blow out your subwoofer, but is lyri-
cally and musically solid. Busdriver has
been touring the U.S. with
experimental/indie rock band Deerhoof
and will hit the road again shortly with Def
Jux producer RJD2 on a tour that includes
an April show in Farmingdale at The Crazy
Donkey.
19
20 www.thestonybrookpress.com
 Stephanie Hayes
1. The Evil Dead

So, the whole trilogy rocks, but I can only make it through the first one and declare that it’s perfect. If you’re going for funny,
the second doesn’t have as much punch as Army of Darkness and Army of Darkness has (cringe!) Sheila. I hate Sheila with a
passion I’m unable to put into words. The half-million times I’ve had to see her dead ass revert back to lovey-eyed human? She
makes me want to maul my eyes out. Fuck you, Sheila, fuck you.

2. Ginger Snaps II

B’s on the run, desperately trying to suppress her werewolf transformation…and she’s all alone in her struggle. Or is she? Oh
shit! Her sister Ginger is back as a sort of ghost/mentor. Sweeeeeet.

3. Dead Alive

‘Cos there’s nothing sexier than Lionel mowing down the undead.

4. Shaun of the Dead

“There’s no ‘i’ in ‘team’ but there is an ‘i’ in ‘pie.’” Ok. Shaun is too recent to have withstood the test of time but hey: I’ve got
a poster, I’ve got an action figure, I’ve got a roommate eerily similar to Ed. It’s love, bitches. And true love lasts a lifetime.

5. Billy Elliot

I’m not afraid to admit that Billy Elliot moves me to tears. No joke, I cannot make it through without crying at least three
times. Absolutely beautiful.

www.thestonybrookpress.com
21
 Jesse Schoepfer
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Personally, I love this movie. Completely three-dimensional character development, crazy non-CGI effects, and a real, believ-
able, serious performance from Jim Carry.

2. Garden State

This movie, along with just about any film produced by Focus Pictures, is, in my opinion, amazing. The entire movie just con-
veys a sense of trying to find yourself, and shows real characters trying to find themselves.

3. Lost In Translation

Bill Murray is lost in Tokyo, Japan. Sweet, very, very long, and really makes you feel like you don’t quite fit in, not unlike
Murray’s character.

4. K-PAX

Kevin Spacey as a lost “alien” on Earth. At first, you believe he’s just crazy, but as the film progresses, you realize that he
really is not of this world.

5. The Matrix

“There is no spoon.” Religious references abound, bullets fly, and people run up freaking walls. I’ve probably seen this movie
over 70 times; It’s just that good.

www.thestonybrookpress.com
22
 Steve McLinden
1. Network

This 1976 Academy Award winner managed to direct meaningful accusations at while humorously satirizing the state of mass
media. After being told that he’s too old and not entertaining enough, news anchor Howard Hughes threatens to kill himself on-
air. Seeking to improve ratings off of Hughes’ insanity, producers turn him into a ranting “preacher of the airwaves.” Making com-
mentaries on globalization and capitalism vs. morals, it’s relevant as much today as it was ever.

2. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Everyone’s seen Ferris Bueller, right? For me, it was just one of those that I would watch over and over again. I could proba-
bly recite entire scenes at a time, but due to a limited amount of space, I won’t.

3. The Princess Bride

Fact: there is no movie more quotable than this ‘80s fun-for-all-ages comedy/fairytale. I normally hold a grudge against film ver-
sions of books, but The Princess Bride is just too good to hate. (The film is based on William Goldman’s book by the same name,
which is about his father reading a book by the same name to him as a child). “You keep using that word. I do not think it means
what you think it means.”

4. Cool Runnings

I can’t believe I’m including one of the cheesiest Disney films ever on my list, but then again, who could believe that Jamaica
had a bobsled team?

5. Five Easy Pieces

Jack Nicholson’s breakthrough role in Five Easy Pieces in 1970 defined how we think of the man still today. A great black com-
edy mostly known for “that chicken salad scene,” it’s full of Nicholson’s self-loathing/world-loathing sharp, dry wit. The whole
coming-of-age identity crisis and giving up the privileged life may have seemed unique to the Woodstock vs. Vietnam era, but it
still resonates as to being a young person today.

www.thestonybrookpress.com
23
 Rebecca Kleinhaut
1. Robin Hood (Disney)

This movie brings back so many great memories. My sister and I used to dance around my mom’s room every time the party
scene came on. We had no idea that they were basically calling Prince John an incompetent asshole. Also, I think every girl want-
ed to grow up to be a combination of Maid Marian and Lady Kluck. Lady Kluck kicked so much ass.

2. War of the Worlds (2005)

I’m ashamed to admit that I am hopelessly addicted to this movie. The first time I saw it, I felt like I was going to throw up
throughout the entire thing. I really like how Spielberg and the writers chose to focus more on the destruction of everyday neigh-
borhoods when they could have just as easily shown the White House being blown to smithereens. It also does a good job paying
homage to the book. Plus, Tim Robbins plays a crazy guy. Neoconservatives must really love that part.

3. Gladiator

When Commodus gives Maximus the thumbs down in the ring, it vexes me.
Plus, his name sounds like another word for a toilet.

4. Throw Momma From the Train

Billy Crystal plays this writer whose wife divorced him, stole his book, and slapped her name on it. Now, it’s a bestseller, and
he’s teaching adult students creative writing. One of his students, played by Danny DeVito, offers to kill his wife if Crystal will off
his mother. This is a tribute to Hitchcock, but I don’t pay attention to that stuff. This movie is hilarious.

5. The Return of the King

Bottom line: I love this movie. The end.

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24
 Alex H. Nagler
1. The Godfather

“No Sicilian can refuse a request on his daughter’s wedding day.” Words I must remember for when my sister gets married. All
personal relevance aside, The Godfather is one of the most stirring movies I have ever seen. The saga of the Corleone family is one
for the ages. I still cry when Michael has the door shut on Kay’s face. Just cue the music up for me and my Sicilian side comes
right out.

2. The Producers (the original movie)

The movie that started it all for Mel Brooks. Mostel and Wilder together as Bialystock and Bloom make for one of my favorite
comedic duos. While I do hold a spot in my heart for the musical, Hippy Hitler is still one of the best representations of Der Furher
in my mind.

3. Contact

Based on the Carl Sagan novel of the same title, Contact is the story of humanity dealing with contact from extraterrestrial beings
through the use of Prime Numbers and Hitler. What follows is a journey through spirituality, the universe, and the laws of Space-
Time.

4. Annie Hall

Say what you will about Allen’s morals, Annie Hall is his masterpiece. It’s so damned neurotic, but it’s also real. You can iden-
tify with the problems Annie and Alvy have with one another. Also, as a Brooklynite, I appreciate the use of the Cyclone, especial-
ly as that house really does exist.

5. Good Night and Good Luck

I hate Joe McCarthy and McCarthyism in general. It’s one of the more disgusting periods of American history, so the concept of
seeing the feud between McCarthy and Edward R. Murrow brought to the big screen filled me with giddy anticipation. And would-
n’t you know it, they did a bang up job with it.

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25
 Joe Rios
1. V for Vendetta

I’m a big fan of the works of the Wachosky brothers, the two who brought us the Matrix trilogy. V for Vendetta did not come to
my attention until I watched it one day on a whim. I was truly blown away by this film. It combined my favorite movie elements;
Matrix-Style action, political suspense, and dystopia. In this world, a modern England is under tyrannical control, and only one fig-
ure, V, can awaken the people to their situation. If you have never seen the movie, take a moment to run to the video store and check
it out!

2. The Day After Tomorrow

I usually catch a lot of flack for liking a movie that is so scientifically inaccurate, but science be damned on this one. In this film,
the population of earth has to survive a drastic climate shift that threatens to bring about the next ice age. Despite its inaccuracies,
the film should serve as a warning to the world that our ecosystem is fragile and can only handle so much abuse before it reaches
a breaking point. The movie does have the distinct aura of “I told you so…asshole!”

3. Sin City

Interpreted from the Dark Horse produced graphic novel, the Sin City movie takes place primarily over the course of one night
in Basin City, or “Sin City” as it is often referred. In Sin City, the world is at your disposal if you can afford it and survive. The
movie follows three primary characters over the course of a night that changes the city forever. It’s wonderfully done, using con-
trast and color as tools, as opposed to them being used as elements. Most of the movie is in black and white, and when color is
used, it is VERY stylized. Sin City will keep you on the edge of your seat as you watch the fates of the characters unfold.

4. Scarface

Al Pacino, cocaine, machine guns, 1980’s music… ‘nuff said! “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!”

5. Léon: The Professional

Léon is one of the best movies to come out of the 1990s, hands down. In this film, Léon, a professional hit man, finds himself
in a situation where he has to care for a tweve-year-old girl Mathilda. As their friendship grows, Léon eventually teaches Mathilda
his trade so that she can seek revenge on the people who killed her family. This movie is more than action-packed, it’s truly mov-
ing, and it shows how even the most cold-blooded of people have a heart deep down.

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26
 David K. Ginn
1. Army of Darkness

It’s dark. It’s cold. It’s lonely. It’s the Middle Ages. Your kingdom is under attack at the hands of an ancient evil. There must
be a champion, someone to battle this evil and send it back to the hell from which it came. Close your eyes, frightened one; sal-
vation is upon you. Through a rift in time shall come from the sky. The great one, he who is prophesized to save the world from
the undead. His name is Ash, and he’s a preppy-college-student-turned-deadite-hunter with one goal in mind: getting the hell back
home. For those who haven’t seen it: Ash lost his hand to the deadites and replaced it with a chainsaw prior to the start of this
movie. If you need any more persuasion than that, you are simply not destined to enjoy yourself.Now give me some sugar, baby.

2. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Many fans of J. R. R. Tolkien’s classic book were nervous when they heard there was going to a movie trilogy based on it. Many
of those fans were converted once the first movie opened, some by the second and third, and some still hold a grudge to this day.
Peter Jackson (Dead Alive, Meet the Feebles, The Frighteners) did the smartest thing he could possibly do when he decided to take
on these movies: he changed them. There are books and there are movies, and just as I have difficulty deciding whether a baked
potato tastes better than it smells, I will never judge a movie because of its “faithfulness.” The Lord of the Rings is one of those
curious film series because it actually does get better with each movie. The third movie, The Return of the King, is insane.

3. 2001: A Space Odyssey

Stanley Kubrick (A Clockwork Orange, Lolita, Full Metal Jacket) loved the art of cinema. In every frame you can see the unre-
lenting desire to take the world and hold it in a grander, larger light; one where truths and lies both glow, and every flaw in human-
ity is glamorized. He once said, “I've got a peculiar weakness for criminals and artists; neither takes life as it is.” That was his
goal: to create something to be more than what it was. 2001: A Space Odyssey is his magnum opus. The story of a spaceship (and
its shady central computer) en-route to Jupiter in order to study an ancient monolith somehow manages to capture your attention
each and every second. This is because each frame is like a photograph for an art show. Kubrick knew that.

4. Memento

Memento is existing proof that an indie drama can somehow make its way to nearly every theater in the country. Is it the story
of what it would be like to have no short-term memory, or is it a story of how far someone will go for revenge, or is it the story of
a serial killer? Who knows? Whichever it is, it did its job well.

5. Serenity

Finally, Joss Whedon debuts on the big screen. And it’s about damn time. The creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
took his short-lived space-Western Firefly and from it created a movie that demonstrates, after long, long, long, long, long, long
last, what a space movie should be. Armed with the increasing style, skill, and trademark he’d been developing over the years,
Whedon finally took his director’s chair to the Big Dawgs. The result is a dazzling, thought-provoking, multi-themed movie that
never lets you down. See this movie, and you will understand what Sci-Fi cinema needs to be.

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 Alex Walsh
1. Blues Brothers
My goal in life is to someday be able to dance like Dan Aykroyd. This movie is consistently hilarious, and it has the best sound-
track this side of Grosse Pointe Blank*. Seriously, I just pop it on my Zune (fuck off, Rios) and walk places. Great walking music.
And it only gets better as more of the artists die off. Strangely, this movie contains the only instance I’ve ever seen where a TV edit
improved a line. Compare “I took the liberty of bullshitting you” with “I took the liberty of bamboozling you.” Bamboozle all the
way.
*This movie should be on here. But I’ve decided to omit John Cusack films from my Top 5 to suggest that Top 5 Cusack
Movies should be a feature of its own.

2. Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and...

“Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb. ...The
Bomb, Dmitri.... The hydrogen bomb! ... Well now, what happened is ... ah ... one of our base commanders, he had a sort of ... well,
he went a little funny in the head ... you know ... just a little ... funny. And, ah ... he went and did a silly thing. ... Well, I'll tell you
what he did. He ordered his planes ... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me finish, Dmitri. ... Let me finish, Dmitri. ... Well lis-
ten, how do you think I feel about it?! ...Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri? ... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just
to say hello? ... Of course I like to speak to you! ... Of course I like to say hello! ...”

3. Pulp Fiction

You’ve all seen it already. So let’s go with… 28 Days Later. No need for plot summary, really: zombie movie. Lots of people
say this isn’t a real zombie flick. But fuck them. I like it. Who cares if the “infected” move all fast and shit? I call ‘em zombies. I
really like Cillian Murphy, too. So watch 28 Days Later. The end is extremely fucking nigh.

4. The Bastard Love-Child of SLC Punk!, Brick, and Empire

Commence cop out: The year is 1985. Han-o and Heroin Chewie are two high-school-age punks in Salt Lake City. Inexplicably,
they speak like hard-boiled noir detectives. When Han-o’s ex-girlfriend Leia gets in trouble with a local drug ring, he’s got to fig-
ure out who needs to be taken down while keeping Assistant Principal Vader off his back. Meanwhile, their German friend Mark
Skywalker, having abandoned his stolen car in the Great Salt Lake, flees to Wyoming to study under his father’s mentor, John the
Mod.

5. Scarecrow Gone Wild

According to wikipedia, Ken Shamrock is a retired American mixed martial arts fighter best known for his participation in
Ultimate Fighting Championship, World Wrestling Federation, and Total Nonstop Action Wrestling. What they neglect to tell us is
that he is also an accomplished actor. “Accomplished” here means “awful and possibly illiterate.” Riddled with crappy dialogue,
ugly chick nudity, homoerotic subtext, and errors in continuity and production, SGW is 90 minutes of pure low-budget horror gold.
The best part is that it’s part of a trilogy… and it’s the best installment. Go see those crazy folk in Sanger if you can’t find it any-
where.

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 Andrew Pernick
1. Koyaanisqatsi

No dialog. No plot. No characters. Just stunning high-speed and slow-motion scenes in a sequence designed to make a philo-
sophical argument. The score is by neo-classical minimalist composer Philip Glass. This is not a film to be watched casually. Dim
the lights, take the phone off the hook, and open your eyes and your mind to the booming contra-basso voice of Alburt de Ruiter
as he sings the film’s title for the opening scene. The Internet will only spoil the experience. Just watch it, blind, with no insider
info.

2. What Dreams May Come

What can I say? I’m a softie – this movie, with Robin Williams in a serious role (yes, he does those from time to time), made
me cry. As a depiction of the afterlife alone, this is an amazing work of art. As a commentary on the Odyssean ties of family,
(albeit one torn asunder by death) it strikes every note of every chord a film can, constantly tugging on the heartstrings, producing
soul-stirring moments with practically every scene. And, this is a film that produces not only tears of sorrow, but tears of joy as
well. While it is an emotional roller coaster, the visuals turn what could have been a flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants film into a
cinematic masterpiece.

3. Mulholland Drive

Now here’s where the distinction between film and movie lies: films make you think, while movies don’t. Mulholland Drive, a
mindfuck if ever there was one, is most definitely a film. Believe it or not, David Lynch’s film actually does make sense. Hint:
pay attention to the scene in the theatre – it’s where Lynch hands it to you on a silver platter with a fresh sprig of thyme. I won’t
say anything more, save that I said “What the fuck?” approximately thirty times when I first saw this movie. You’ll probably beat
my tally.

4. Casablanca

It’s a classic. Hands down, one of the best films of all time. Oh, and by the way, the line is “Again, Sam. Play it again. Play
‘As Time Goes By.’” The line is not “Play it again, Sam.”

5. Nausicaa and the Valley of the Winds

This is Hayao Miyazaki’s masterpiece. There are some who would argue that Anime doesn’t qualify as film. To those who hold
this position, I can only say: “Sit down and watch Nausicaa.” This is film – hand-painted, cel by cel (as in cellulose, as in film),
shepherded from the earliest wisps of thought to the ending credits all by The Master. His touch is apparent everywhere – the way
a character’s hair blows, the depth in a female character’s voice when she screams in fear, and, in keeping with all Miyazaki films,
in the flight sequences. And, to boot, it’s also a philosophical piece, with an excellent score. There is not a single negative thing
I can say about this film – even the Disney-released dub version is excellent. Watch this film

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 James Laudano
1. A Fish Called Wanda

If you haven’t seen it, I strongly recommend you do so. Now. The cast is amazing, the film is hilarious, and nothing beats
Kevin Kline’s fish eating scene.

2. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

Yeah, its cliché. I know. So I won’t bother saying anything more.

3. The Royal Tenenbaums

I’ve gotten into fierce arguments with people who truly hate this film. But the ensemble cast is just too good to pass up.

4. Run Lola Run

Yes, its kinda weird. But whenever I watch this film, I myself get the urge to run through the streets of Berlin to the beat of
droning, German, techno music.

5. Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and...

A great comedy. For my money, Peter Sellers delivers one of the crowning acting achievements when he plays the three differ-
ent roles in this film.

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 Ilyssa Fuchs
1. Half Baked

The most outrageous stoner movie of all time. Three friends concocting a scheme to sell weed in order to get their buddy out
of jail before he gets his cherry popped by Nasty Nate. “ABRACADABRA.”

2. Pulp Ficton

Enough Said.

3. Scarface

A classic about chasing the American dream, and the money, power, and women that comes along with it. (Not to mention the
drugs and guns).

4. Con Air

What’s better than a bunch of convicts taking over a plane? “A bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made
famous by a band that died in a plane crash.” – Garland Green.

5. But I’m A Cheerleader

Like Girl Scout camp for gays.

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 By Matt Willemain

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 Battle of the Century
Uses for
Industrial
Strength Glue
and/or Velcro
Glue plus furniture
10

The key indigent in Twinkies

9 Ho-Ho’s etc…

8
So Saddam Hussein’s brothers
can be “open casket”
Never have to style your hair
7 again … EVER ALL CAPS!
PRO
-Can drive miles in - Can walk miles in
any conditions to club
diapers in any condi- perspective mates
tion to club prospec-
tive mate’s wife -Discovered fire

-Discovered moon -Stone tools found

When your trapped over night in a Office thousands of years
6 Depot and REALLY need a fix
NOT cheese.
later
-One word: MARS -Mission: Go out,
find rock, kill thing,
Kentucky derby losers? We -Infinite frequent eat thing
5 got’em. flyer miles
-Dr. Leaky

4
It puts the super glue on its skin
or it gets the hose again
CON
-“You wanted that in -
METERS?!” “Ugh…ugh…oog…oo
Sealing gotse’s ass shut ga…ug”
3 -Skylab fell after SIX
FUCKING YEARS!
-Bill O’Reilly
-Mission: Go out, find
When you tell the dog to “stay” rock, come home. -Cro Magnon
2 he fucking does it -Dr. von Braun -One word: GEICO

-Space Junk
When all the other 100 ways to
1 skin that god dam cat fail
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death egg zone