start talking cute, wanna tell her that I love her but I'm secretly a mute"), any song

possible from Wicked or Hairspray with a special dispensation for AcrossTheUniverse, {{Anastasia}} and now of all things, DoctorHorriblesSingAlongBlog. What's really creepy is seeing two teenage girls walk up to each other happily, hug, and then suddenly glare at each other and begin to sing "Slipping" in their most villain-esque sexy tones. ** Also, in a non school related example, this same troper was one on a Girl Scouts event hayride. Trundling through the forest in perfect blackness, a cart full of girls on haybales, all having their own separate jolly conversations, when I began to whistle (for no particular reason) the tune most often recognised as [[TheWizardOfOz "If I Only Had A Brain"]]. Instantly, a girl on the back of the hayride began to sing under her breath cheerfully [[{{Goth}} "I'd be thinner, I'd be taller, go clubbing in my collar..."]] FIVE GIRLS BUST OUT SINGING. Then five more. Then five more. That's right. A hayride of girls aged 8 to 14 all performing a lyrically perfect rendition of "If I Only Were A Goth". None of us knew each other. Needless to say, instant bonding. ** And now, the lyrics to ''ShoggothOnTheRoof'' are making the rounds in my family home. I got my mom into Lovecraft. Help me. * The highlight of this troper's sister's graduation party was when everyone started signing along to all 6 minutes of "Bohemian Rhapsody"... while the majority of them were crowded into a rented bouncy castle no less. * This Troper and her friends were hanging out at the beach a few days ago when we discovered that one member of the group had a laptop that had on iTunes the entire Rent soundtrack. With no rehearsal and varying degrees of memorization, we broke into La Vie Boheme A. Our performance was so enthusiastic that a couple toddlers who were making sand castles tried to join in. * This happened a lot in This Troper's high school drama club. During a rehearsal for our production of ''[[{{Theatre/ptitlenjisnv3p}} Les Misrables]]'', our smoke machine set off the fire alarms. After we were evacuated to the parking lot, we decided to stay warm by performing One Day More a cappella with full choreography and blocking. We also often broke into Stand By Me, Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen, No Woman No Cry, and Fields of Gold. * This troper has two separate sources of these. The first was high school theatre - predictably, stuff like "La Vie Boheme A" and "There Is Nothing Like A Dame" showed up, but the most memorable one was when almost every single person in there got in on Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". The second source of these is her [[{{Nakama}} group of best friends]]. We have a tendency to bust into not only Broadway, but Bob Marley and Disney songs - the best so far has been "Zero To Hero" from Hercules. * This Tropette's 8th grade English class just burst into Don't Stop Believin' during a vocab test. We all failed for talking during a test. So. Totally. Worth. It. * Fun experiment! Go into any crowd of people, and start stomping your feet and clapping your hands to the beat of "We Will Rock You." See how many people join in. Guess how many people this troper got going

once? ''An entire school auditorium.'' It was a pep rally and spirits were naturally high, but the sheer number joining in was fairly stunning. We even had a few people going, "Weee will weee will rock you!" * This happened at my summer camp. It was raining, so nearly everybody was in the indoor cafeteria. One kid in my group started pounding out the beat to "We Will Rock You", only he started singing the lyrics to "I'm a Little Teapot." The first round was solo. Then his friends joined in. Then the entire table. At the end of it, we got half the cafeteria (a big place, mind you) to join in for a good five or ten minutes. * Last year, in this troper's year twelve German class, we were trying to explain "bogan" to the German exchange students. It was harder than it sounds! But one girl started quoting some lyrics from the chorus of Chris Franklin's 'Bloke'. "A labourer by day, he drinks up all his pay!" Cue a vast majority of the class joining in, proudly bellowing out "I'm a bloke, I'm an ocker and I really love your knockers!" * For Spirit day in this Troper's high school, the seniors had to sing a song based on their color (yellow) and the entire school burst out singing "Yellow Submarine". (Likewise, "I'll make a man out of you" from Mulan was pretty much garanteed to get the whole school singing.) * In this Troper's 3rd-grade music class, the kids all celebrated getting new books by finding the page with the "Happy Days" theme and singing it. We sounded pretty good for a bunch of eight-year-olds! Too bad our Music teacher was such a bitch and never let us explore our budding talents. * This Troper's Mandarin teacher gave the class the Mandarin lyrics to "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan. After everyone learned them pretty well, the teacher had the entire class sing it for the principal, complete with interpretive dance moves. * This Troper remembers a cold day at a drama festival. The heater in my friend's mom's car was ticking, and before you knew it one person started going... "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape. Snape, Snape, Severus Snape," and another chimed in "DUMBLEDORE!" It was BEAUTIFUL. * This troper works in a restaraunt, and occasionally the cooks will listen to the radio in the kitchen. One time, the radio started "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy..." which prompted the cooks and busers to join in. Eventually the entire staff started singing and by "Bismillah, No, we will not let you go!" the customers had gotten in on the act as well. Naturally, a good number of us started headbanging immediately after "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, FOR MEEEEEEEEEE!" * This happened regularly in {{Red Wren}}'s eighth grade English class with a SchoolhouseRock song. "In-terjections! Show excitement! Or emotion!" was heard whenever there was a lull. To be fair, it was more an I sang and everyone else said the interjections, but it works. This also happened at the first dance of her freshman year, where everyone sang along to Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. The DJ silenced entire lines and we filled them in, in addition to just singing along throughout. Also happens a lot in her choir class, of course (whether we're supposed to be singing the song or not). * This Troper has observed (and started) many renditions of the Time

Warp in public. * This happened to me at a talent showcase in high school. It was Valentine's Day, and I sang "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey. By the time I got to the first chorus, nearly everyone in the small theater where the event was taking place was singing along. * This troper saw it happen at a party...with The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. This is what happens when you give nerds beer. * I don't recall who started it, but in my high school, half of the people (including me) in our (very) large cafeteria just burst out with singning Linkin' Park's "In the End". * This troper's group of high school friends would sing songs while walking down the street like a portable chorus. Once we were sitting in a park singing pretty much every song we all knew, and when we got to "Signs" by Five Man Electrical Band, about a dozen other people in the park gathered around and started singing along. * This editor goes to an art academy in her high school, so naturally these happen a lot, escpecially with tons of music kids in my freshman year. When my math teacher let us watch SpongeBob episodes on his computer, the very metion of the show's name caused the ''whole freakin' class'' to sing [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al5AqKyohpE&fmt=18 The Campfire Song Song]] * This Troper once did this in Japan, in Japanese and English. I was visiting a college English class and sat at a table with all girls, who just so happened to be in glee club or chorus together I learned later. Well, one of them started singing Circle of Life and a few other songs in Japanese and I sang along in English. Next we all sang My Heart Will Go On in English. They asked if I knew any songs in Japanese and all I came up with was Moonlight Densetsu from Sailor Moon, which we all sang in perfect unison. I was the one who barely knew enough Japanese to be in the "advanced" class so my teacher, who was also their English teacher looked at me and began to say, "Are you really singing?" and then realized I was. If class had gone longer we could have pulled off a whole musical routine. * This troper's brother went to a Third Day concert. They did "Call My Name" and on the La la la bits had the entire crowd singing. * Not a personal example, but TT's best male friend was telling her about an incident playing XBox online, Halo naturally. Anway, as best I can remember, he was with his team against another team, and out of the silence began singing 'Manahmanah' his team followed up with 'Do do do do do' eventually, the other team started singing too. We're planning to try it in our Home Room/Patriot Relations class next time. Will be certain awesomeness. * This happens every year, without fail, for one particular song (or one song per gender) during every musical ever at this troper's school. For ''Seussical'' it was "Oh the Things You Can Think!", ''FiddlerOnTheRoof'' was "To Life (L'Chaim)'', and ''Thoroughly Modern Millie'' was "Forget About The Boy" (for all the girls) and the title song (for everyone). We're also prone to doing this with popular musicals, most notably "La Vie Boheme A" and "Seasons of Love" from ''RENT'' and absolutely anything from ''Wicked''. * [[{{Wander}} This Troper]] had this happen during a play he was in

at college. Large cast, and we were doing a speed-run through our lines. Somehow, someone started off with the 'Ah-weee, ee-oo-ee-oo' part of The Lion Sleeps Tonight. We all started to join in. In 3-part harmony. It was epic, but I never told anyone who wasn't there about it for years because I thought they wouldn't believe me. Seeing this page? Awesome. * This troper went to an award dinner last night that was hosted by Dallas Baptist University, which my brother is going to when he graduates. For the finale, the choir and all of the people there stood up and sang "America the Beautiful". There was a bit of video dissonance (when the song got to "for amber waves of grain" it showed deserts) but it was still cool. * [[DeltaOne This Troper]] and his group of friends do this regularly. The idea is, if someone in the group starts singing, everyone else joins in to show solidarity. This has lead to people staring in utter astonishment as a group of twenty-somethings has walked through the Trafford Centre, one girl singing, "[[AvenueQ The Internet is really really great]]," then the rest replying, "[[TheInternetIsForPorn For [=PORN=]]]!" Common songs for our impromptu performances include: ** Anything from AvenueQ ** Most Disney songs ** Queen's top ten ** Anything enjoyably obscure that other people won't have heard of, Maren Ord's ''Everyday'' being quite good for that. *** [[ItGotWorse It Gets Worse]] if we happen to have our instruments with us. Trust me. * Around the time Miley Cyrus' "See You Again" was a hit, this troper's AP Lit class was on a school trip when it came on over the radio. Commence entire busful of overachieving nerds belting Miley at the top of their lungs. * Occured during this troper's production of ''Romeo & Juliet'', which they based in 1969. There was period music for all of the scenes, so you ended up with the entire cast singing quietly backstage when "Pinball Wizard" started playing just before Mercutio and Tybalt's infamous scene. ** Also occured during their production of ''A Midsummer Night's Dream'', which was set in the 80's and featured period music like "White Wedding" and, sung the most out of all of them, "Love is a Battlefield". Nothing like a roomful of half-naked guys singing Pat Benatar. They're doing ''Much Ado About Nothing'' this summer, and God knows which era it'll be. * This troper has been in numerous Fire Drills and Traffic Jams and can remeber singing: Bohemian Rhapsody, Ghostbusters, The Campfire Song Song, Circle of Life, Proud Mary, Witch Doctor, I am the Walrus, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, I'm just a Bill, La Bamba, Hokey Pokey, Feel Good Inc., Gummy Bear, Immagrant Song, Muppet Show Theme, Crazy Train, Time Warp/Sweet Transvestite, Badger Badger Badger, and Eleanor Rigby. * Another Don't Stop Believin' moment: this troper went to a frat house concert on campus in his sophomore year and while one of the bands was in between songs, one of the students yells out the song for a request. The band didn't wind up playing it, but the person who was

responsible for the MP3 playlists during intermissions must have heard it, cause that song came up during the following intermission, and all of us went nuts as soon as it started. Mass singing ensued. ** In this troper's experience, just about every night of barhopping has involved at least one round of "Don't Stop Believing." Seriously, any time this song pops up on the jukebox, at least half the bar will sing along for a verse or two. * [[@/PentiumMMX2 This troper]] had two experiences like this that he remembers; both involving {{Queen}} songs: ** The first was at school one day. During recess, a friend of mine began to stomp his feet and clap to the beat of ''We Will Rock You'' and began to sing the song. I joined in shortly after, and eventually, we had almost everyone out there singing along. ** The second one was when taking a trip out of town with his sister, her husband, and a friend of theirs. While listening to the radio, ''Bohemian Rhapsody'' started playing, and not long after; everyone in the car started singing along. There was much singing, some head banging, and even dueling air guitars thrown into the mix just for good measure. * [[DarkInsanity13 This troper]] woke up from a dream that ended like this, and she's had "Go the Distance" from Disney's Hercules stuck in her head since. She's not quite sure why, since she hasn't watched a Disney movie since at least the fall (and it's currently the middle of January), and it was Beauty and the Beast. * This has happened to this Troper twice. The first was during a school trip the second during a sports day match. The first happened when on a bus trip that was going to take two hours half way through this Troper started singing the Time Warp for no reason. My friends joined in and the the other students and then the teachers. The other was the traditional sports day students V teachers match. The students were losing and this student starts singing "Or S do Bheatha 'Bhaile" only the first verse and then the other students watching join in. In the end the students won. * This Troper's grade 12 history class was preparing to say goodbye to our teacher on the last day before exams. Suddenly, one of the guys whips out his guitar, and the next thing you know, we're all singing "All You Need is Love" by the Beatles (her favourite song). By the end, she was in tears, and so was half the class. * The day This Troper's Boss retired as head of the police forensic lab; As he left the building everybody joined in a burst of "You'll Never Walk Alone", including all the cops in a guard of honour for him at the time- had about fifty people singing by the end, either at the door, or out the windows. * Happened to [[TheTallOne me.]] I was on the bus on my way to a speech tournament when a kid started singing Sweet Caroline. He sang the opening bit, and for a second, everyone was dead quiet. Then all together: "SWEET CAROLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!! Buh buh buh!" ** Sweet Caroline must be a good crowd song. Every Friday morning, between the first and second bell of the day, the school plays music over the loudspeakers. On the morning they played Sweet Caroline, the entire senior hallway burst into song when the chorus started. * This Troper once went on a choir/band trip up to a nice little

campground, and at dinner time we were informed that the food might be a bit late. Now pretty much everybody was in the school musical, so cue the almost automatic singing of "[[OliverTwist Food Glorious Food]]". * [[MiniKaylee This troper]] started a variation on this at her school orchestra concert the other night. Some of the students in our chamber orchestra, which I play violin in, were warming up in our classroom beforehand. Some of the other violins were practicing one of our pieces, and I kind of randomly joined in. Before too long, pretty much everyone in the room stared playing along. It would have been perfect if we'd had one of the bass players. * [[TheTallOne I]] recently witnessed an entire auditorium, at least 200 people, sing ''Don't Stop Believin' '' whilst waiting for an awards ceremony to start. And that was nothing compared to the spontaneous dance-off that broke out minutes later. It should be noted that this was during a Speech and Debate meet. * There was a small talent show of sorts at [[{{Insegredious}} this troper's]] old college at the end of orientation right before the start of the semester, and he was the first act. When introduced by the MC's, there was some ''very'' audible scoffing and disbelief from the audience. Despite this, he confidently walked out on stage, complete with blazer, [[CoolHat fedora]],...and [[AcceptableTargets accordion]]. After a brief introduction, he proceeded to play and sing [[{{Journey}} "Don't Stop Believin'"]]. Naturally, the surprised audience sang along, and clapping along at the start of the second verse (the first thing that popped into the troper's brain was [[GuitarHero "Star Power Activated!"]]). * [[{{Insegredious}} This troper]] also knows the first season [[{{Pokemon}} Pokmon]] [[CrowningMusicOfAwesome theme song]] on piano, accordion, ''[[JackOfAllTrades and]]'' ukulele, and enjoys surprising people with it every now and then. People always sing along. * This troper's circle of friends was notorious for this in high school (1991-95). We ventured into CrowningMusicOfAwesome territory, however, when we were standing outside a 7-Eleven and the manager (an Apu stereotype if ever there was one) came out, pointed to the "No Loitering" sign, and told the eleven of us (that's right---there were [[UpToEleven 11 stoned teenagers loitering]]) to go away. Someone (OK, it was me) sang "And the sign said long haired freaky people need not apply..." We went across the street from the store (so Apu couldn't call the cops on us) and sang the whole song. * Several times in this Troper's life: Once, a bunch of friends from scifi club (20-30 people) sang "Don't Stop Believing" and "All Star" at a Chinese Buffet (we were asked to stop). Another time, he and two other scifi club buddies burst out with "Falling In Love With You" to help another buddy woo a girl. In high school, his Comedy Club spontaneously went Christmas Caroling around campus, for the better part of three hours, and hitting most of the after school hangouts and ended all our shows by singing Yellow Submarine while doing the Locomotion out of the building and into the bus. * BertieDastard, when in a play that had the other cast member (yes, there were just the two of them) running late, stuck in traffic, was

told to go and warm up the audience, in any way he could. Cue stumbling onto the stage, wide-eyed looks, and starting a bout of songs that had everyone singing along, including My Way, Eye Of The Tiger, and Hey Jude. A CrowningMomentOfAwesome if ever there was one, no? * This troper's Latin class spontaneously burst into "Don't Stop Believin' " on a bus ride. A shame that she was sick and couldn't join in... * This troper took her church youth group to Hersheypark at Christmastime. As our monorail ride concluded and the tram pulled into the station, we heard the opening notes of "Jingle Bell Rock" and ''immediately'' launched into a CrowdSong version. Loudly, but on-key. The people standing in line to get on the ride, sadly, did not join in but rather stared at us as though wondering which was our planet of origin. * [[ArrowDnarrow I'm]] a little surprised that YMCA isn't on here. The DJ at the local roller rink would always play that song whenever there was a school gathering there. ** My drama class is also a fan of this trope. * A bus with around fifty kids on an orchestra trip. Everyone starts singing our competition pieces. THeir own parts (First violins have melody, violas do their parts, 'cellos are providing rhythm, ect.). Coronation March, Brandy 3, and all of the Capriol suite. Prompted the director to say "That sent a shiver down my spine. Please don't do that again". * During AP Psychology class, I don't know how it happened, but someone went "Na na na na." Another part of the room went "Na na na na." Another part responded "Hey hey." And the entire class finished with "Goodbye!" The teacher was understandably confused. * I love my drama group. Sometimes we do crowd songs as vocal warm ups, but the moment I knew I loved them was when we all randomly started singing the CaptainPlanet song. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's happened with a lot of my friendship groups over the years. It has also happened with the Pokemon theme. * "Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world..." ** She took the midnight train going anywhere! ** Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit ** He took the midnight train going annnyyyywhere! ** A singer in a smoky room ** The smell of wine and CHEAP PERFUME! ** For a smile they can share the night... ** It goes on and on and on and on... ** Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard! ** Their shadows searching in the niiiiiiiiii-iights... ** Streetlights, people, living just to find emotion... ** Hiding, somewhere in the NIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! ** (Damn, is Don't Stop Believin' the Most Triumphant Example of EarWorm? It should be) * At the TengenToppaGurrenLagann photoshoot at Anime North 2010, this troper, dressed as Simon, started a sing-along of [[{{Mulan}} "I'll Make]] [[FanVid A Man Out]] [[CrowningMusicOfAwesome Of You"]]. It was ''exactly'' as amazing as it sounds.

* Best crowd song ever: after our final performance of ''Much Ado About Nothing'' and my final high school performance ever, we all went to Steak n' Shake. The show included two girls playing an acoustic version off [[{{LadyGaga}} "Telephone"]], and the show ended with the cast dancing to the actual song. Cue Jordan pulling out her guitar and the whole cast singing and doing a choreographed dance right in the middle of the restaurant. * At this tropers school, whenever "Just a small town girl..." is sung, everyone in the vicinity must immediatly join in with "LIVING IN LONELY WOR-LD!!" * Another "Don't Stop Believin'" example. At my schools Freshman/Sophmore dance last year, the DJ played the song, and everyone, I mean EVERYONE knew every single goddamned word to that song. I knew the chorus and maybe 1/6th of the verses. I chalk this up to three factors: 1) The song is the white people anthem, and I was one of two non-whites there (half-black and at Catholic School, aint that a trip?) 2) I listen to heavy metal, not arena rock. 3) My parents are much older than average, so I didn't hear Journey growing up. At all. Ever. Anyway, that made made me extremely uncomfortable. * This troper's drama friends have a large tendency to do this. Examples include: ** A cast wide "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" ** The cast of Bye Bye Birdie came up with an impromptu song called "The Bye Bye Butthole Blues". ** During breaks while rehearsing for The Diviners, we did "The 12 Days of Christmas" and "The Mysterious Ticking Noise". We also had RENT singalongs in the green room before rehearsals, including "La Vie Boheme" and "I'll Cover You (Reprise)" ** During the cast party for Bye Bye Birdie, the cast, crew, student pit orchestra, director, and band conducter all joined together to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody". ** On the bus ride to a conference, this troper's director put her iPod on showtunes, where we ha sing alongs of Hairspray, Wicked, and, of course, "The Time Warp". *** And on the bus ride back, we were passing the bus of a school we were friends with. We told them to put down their windows, we stuck our dock out of the window, and proceeded to sing "Unwritten" to all of them. * Well, it's actually a chant, but it counts. After a performance of BeautyandtheBeast at [[Tropers/JenKunoichi351 this troper's]] school, everyone proceeded to chant our curtain calls hint before exiting to the crowd outside the wing we were hiding in. "DO I HAVE MY SHOES ALL TIED? YES, I'VE GOT MY SHOES ALL TIED!" It was almost earshattering. ** A more legit example the next day. It was the last play our school was going to perform due to budget cuts, so we decided to exit the wing while all singing "Be Our Guest", with stage people like me included. It served as both a CrowningMomentofAwesome and a CrowningMomentofHeartwarming. * This troper, along with an entire theatre of people, was waiting for the cosplay competition to start at a local anime convention. The director was fiddling on his Macbook and everyone assumed he was getting the performance list. Nope, he opens iTunes and the opening

chords to Don't Stop Belivin' start to blare over the theatre speakers. Not a single person missed the cue. The ''entire'' 300+ person audience comprised of cosplayers and anime geeks begins to sing along in one of the most epic and memorable moments in the convention's history. * [[{{@/DragonKhorse}} This troper]]'s class sung Hakuna Matata during a class test. The teacher joined in, much to our delight. * This Troper was in a small crowd that at the time was focused on annoying a single individual, which somehow culminated in the entire crowd breaking out into a unison performance of the theme from Firefly. I'm sketchy on the details but I think the person being annoyed had never seen Firefly. * This Troper was at the opening panel at PAX Prime 2010. They were playing music before the panel started and Re:Brains by JonathanCoulton came on, the entire audience sang the whole song and raised their arms like zombies during the chorus. * My church had always done this Easter drama for several years until we moved to a different building in 2005. Well, anyone who was either in the drama or watched it every year will automatically start singing the songs if anything that sounds like one of the songs is mentioned. Aahh, nostalgia. * Not really a crowd song, but this troper once began singing the Phineas and Ferb theme-the full version-and right as he finished saying, "...speeeend it...", his friend piped up with, "Like maybe!" Cue a whole two-man chorus of the song. * A few years ago {{McFly}} did a CD signing near this Troper's home, and being a fan of theirs, she went along. When she was waiting inline she was stood next to two fans with a guitar, who began to perform covers of various {{McFly}} songs. Within moments, almost every single person waiting in-line (There must have been at least a hundred {{FanGirl}}s there) were singing along. The band even commented on it! * This Troper is part of a theater company that occasionally goes on a retreat to the artistic director's house in the Catskills. One evening after dinner, people were puttering around and doing their own thing, and one of the playwrights was showing some of us her extensive iTunes playlist -- and something made her put on "Time Warp." To our amusement, first the artistic director intoned along with it -- "It's astounding....time is fleeting...madness takes its toll..." then someone else joined in as Magenta. Yet more chimed in on the chorus. Someone CAME IN FROM A DIFFERENT ROOM just to do the "It's a jump to the left..." part. And soon a dozen or so middle-aged playwrights and stagehands were all crammed into a dining room dancing and singing about how the pelvic thrust really drives you insay-ay-ay-ane. * The bridal party at This Troper's cousin's wedding reception talked the STRING QUARTET playing at dinner into taking a request -- "Don't Stop Believin'" -- just because they all wanted to sing along. * This troper is on the swim team and, at the end of the season this year after conference, we went out to dinner. Right in the middle of it, we all started singing the Free Credit Report. com rap ("F-R-E-E that spells 'free'"). We then went on to sing "I Just Can't Wait to be King" from LionKing and "Go the Distance" from [[Hercules]] then

"Under the Sea" from TheLittleMermaid. This lead into even MORE CrowdSongs like "1985" by BowlingForSoup and, inevitably, "Don't Stop Believin'". This troper and her teammates were surprised that the owners of the restauraunt didn't kick them out. * This troper has a moment with Crowd Drum Break. Her schoolbus driver one year put up some stereo speakers and would tune into the classic rock station in the mornings, and the kids would pay various levels of attention to each song, depending on how tired/late with their homework they were. One morning, one of the songs that came on was "In The Air Tonight", and maybe two kids perked up at the song -- everyone else was talking to their friends, napping, finishing their class reading, whatever. But -- when it came to the drum break, EVERY SINGLE LAST PERSON ON THAT BUS stopped what they were doing, turned around to the back of the seat in front of them, and drummed along -- "BA-dum BA-dum BA-dum BA-dum-bum" -- and then went back to whatever they'd been doing. It took about two minutes for this Troper to stop laughing. * Our school's marching band's theme song seems to be "Don't Stop Believing." It's common for the entire band to start singing it during a trip, starting with just a few people and growing to the entire group. The original Pokemon theme song is another common one. It's a hoot to watch our opponent stare at us, and sometimes a few even join in. * This troper has observed this among the girls with Justin Bieber and recent pop songs. Occasionally a couple others, but when she's tried to start anything from RENT or even Disney she gets blank faces. * This Troper remembers an incident during a pub karaoke night where someone was singing the original (clean) version of "Living Next Door To Alice". Cue the whole pub shouting "ALICE, WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE!" in the chorus. Until they got told to calm down before the last chorus. * This troper remembers a guy with a guitar at college in a room (full of students in music) singing "Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you". After that phrase everybody in the room joined him until the end of the first chorus. Before he started to sing, the guy was explaining to his friend that he heard a comedian saying that if you start singing a song like this one, everybody in the room would follow. Nobody was listening to their conversation, and yet everybody did joined. * My mom and I were leaving a family gathering one night, when I sang a 'Goodbye' rather than saying it. Then my aunt joined in. Then my mom. Then everyone else. Together we sang the 'Goodbye' song from {{Bear in the Big Blue House}}. ** We have also, on occasion sung the goodnight song from {{The Sound Of Music}}. ** Anther 'Don't Stop Believing' moment is one that happened on a tour bus. In ''Italy''. * This troper initiated one in his english lecture, which started off with a serious comment about [[KingLear]] and ended up as '''I'm A Believer'''. And then [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome]] the lecturer joined in... * This Troper has gotten so many people to sing "I'll Make A Man Out

of You" from Mulan with her so many times that she must have broken a record by now. At sleepovers, in public, over the phone/voice chat, even through instant messages and comments on DeviantART and Facebook statuses with multiple people. It amuses her so. That, and the Pokemon theme song from the first season, and "Still Alive" form Portal. Good times, all of them. * This Troper's 8th grade class has a tendency to do this with Rebecca Black's Friday. She also tends to sing loudly in the car, and her sister joins in most of the time. * Yesterday I went to video games live. At the very end, they had a sweet voiced young lady singing Still Alive with Tommy Tallarico on his guitar. Most of the crowd sang along, my little sister and I knew all the words and the lyrics were on a screen so even my mom was singing along by the 3rd chorus. * Just a few months before the school year ended, someone in [[Tropers/{{MiraShio}} my]] class will start singing or playing a song on the guitar. No matter what song it is or who's initiating it, a bunch of others will always join in. Usually, it's either a certain classic, local ballad or "21 Guns" by Green Day. And we also do background vocals. * On Kotaku, in an article about a tugboat running aground-the captain was playing computer solitaire or something-someone posted a link to the Gilligan's Island theme, saying, "...the skipper too..."I posted, "The millionaire...", and someone replied with, "And his waifu." Someone else posted, "The movie star!" I have yet to see any further replies, but hopefully, the song will be completed. * Minor, almost example: One kid in my class was talking and randomly spouts the word "Yesterday." Cue the entire class joining in ''All my troubles seemed so far away...'' in quite the hilarious manner. Then [[TheUnfunny our teacher]] told us to [[StopHavingFunGuys stop]]. So...{{defied trope}}? * I had a pretty epic moment today when there was a partial lockdown and "Bohemian Rhapsody" started playing for the bell. Everyone in my class sang along and was dancing to the music. * This troper is part of a 6th form choir (run by members of the 6th form). On his 18th birthday (May 19th 2011), four other people turned up (one of whom left later). Now, we could have just given up for the week and left, but it was the second-to-last rehersal before we left school, so we basically decided to sing whatever songs we found in full harmony. Cue The Lion King Medely, San Francisco Bay Blues and Concrete And The Clay, amongst an aborted start to Viva La Vida and Bridge Over Troubled Water, being sung. The best part? There was one person in each part (he was bass) and we nailed each song. Unsurprisingly, it was possibly the best rehersal we'd ever had and the best thing that had happened so far that day. * Basically, this happens a lot when a group of theatre kids is in any room together. Or in a bus. This troper, being one of said theatre kids, is part of these a lot. * This troper's entire track team would sing ''Living On A Prayer'' by Bon Jovi when one of our teammates went half-way around the track during a race. We actually got everyone in the bleachers to sing with us on numerous occasions.

* This happened at a Friday Night Football game at this troper's high school. The pep band had started playing the national anthem and slowly the student section started singing one by one. It wasn't that loud, but definitely awesome being in there singing it. * Toniiiight~I'm gonna have myself~A real good time~ * Bohemian Rhapsody happened whenever I told more than one person at a time that I'd changed my middle name to Galileo. ---Come on now! We all know the words! "We are a happy throng, singing and dancing right along, as we all join in the CrowdSong!" ----

CrowningMomentOfAwesome [[redirect:TroperTales/MomentOfAwesome]]

CrowningMomentOfFunny [[redirect:TroperTales/FunnyMoments]]

CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming [[redirect:TroperTales/HeartwarmingMoments]]

CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming2 [[redirect:TroperTales/HeartwarmingMoments2]]

CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming3 [[redirect:TroperTales/HeartwarmingMoments3]]

CrowningMusicOfAwesome * This troper had the privilage of participating in a performance of Sergei Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto #3 in College. to this day, I have not been able to find a recording that matches the emotional response our performance envokes in me. * This troper was having a really bad day, and I felt like my luck couldn't get any worse. Well, after then getting told I have to get a root canal next week, I go home and get on Facebook. Looking on my Wall, my best friend just posted the song "Say Hey(I love you). You have to listen to it to know what I mean, it just completely changed my mood. * I guess this would be more funny than awesome, but somewhere, I saw a couple arguing about something. Cue, "I'm the Only Person Who Takes It Personally" by Breathe Carolina. * This troper mixed the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack, the Terran theme from Starcraft, the Tower of Heaven soundtrack and Red Hot Chilli Peppers. He's still stuck. Help me. Please god, help me!. * How about Crowning Music of Funny? [[Tropers/{{Smerf}} I'm]] at the

gym, resting between sets, when this cute girl sits down at the bench press machine across from me. I think to myself "Hey, she's kinda cute." Cue my iPod on shuffle going to Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On." She gave me funny looks as I held in the laughter. * Not sure if this goes here, but I hear Video Game Music. In my head. Here's where the strange part comes in. I also hear Video Game Sounds. For example, if someone stops what they're doing, I hear the Super Mario Bros. Pause sound. If someone drops something, I hear the Yoshi sound effect(not the annoying 'YOSHI!' and 'HNNNNNNNNNGH!' in the later games, but the one that sounds like a record scratching.) I could go on... * This troper's [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean first time in bed]] had an MP3 on random shuffle in the background. The song playing? [[TheBeatles Helter Skelter.]] This is now one of my favorite songs. * I am essentially obsessed with music--even if I'm not playing something through my headphones, some song is always running through my head, and half the time I have an urge to sing out loud in public (and I do a lot). My life ''is'' CrowningMusicOfAwesome. ** Same here! * Once this troper was listening to ''Never Gonna Give you Up'' on her ipod, and the back-to-class music blared out, you guessed it, ''Never Gonna Give You Up''. Rick rolled x 2 * This troper and his sister were rocking to some intense music in her car once. Cue me hitting EVERY SINGLE BUTTON on the radio and Louis Armstong's "What A Wonderful World" blasting out the speakers. * Not so much awesome as hysterically appropriate, but when my brother bought his first car (a 20 year old Toyota made cheifly of rust), the first song to come on the radio almost immediately was "Loser" by Beck. It's now the car's theme song. * This Troper's got a great band anecdote about some fanfare she once played for festival. The song on its own was pretty epic, but what really added the awesome to this particular crowning music of awesome is [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome the story behind it]]: While rehearsing one day, one of the percussionists on the Marimba messed up at the very end of the song, loudly shouting "DANG IT!" as soon as it ended without missing a beat. cue everyone in the room laughing their behinds off. The director, ever the comedian, then had all of us band kids replay the ending bars of the song and loudly shout "DANG IT!" at the end. This Troper likes to bring it up on occasion in random band conversation... * I now have a playlist with this exact title. So far only 2 songs have made it on there. "The Fall" by TheProtomen, and the AtopTheFourthWall theme song. ** [[{{lalalei2001}} This troper]] suggests the latter half of Act II by TheProtomen, and most of Act I. if you're into the rockin' sorta songs. ** [[{{Eddurd}} This other troper]] would also suggest ''Won't Get Fooled Again'' by The Who. ''YEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!'' ** [[{{Hopeless Romance}} I'd]] like to suggest "Don't Stop Believein'". One of the most effective power ballads EVER. ** [[{{theburntcheeto}} I]] would like to suggest "Riot" by Three Days Grace and "You're Going Down" by Sick Puppies.

* Probably this fits here... this troper was once playing some [=ADoM=], and finishing out some nasty quest. The next track his audio player chose? "O Fortuna". Cue a feeling of awesomeness for a few seconds. * This troper was involved in the one-act play at school last year. While we were waiting for everyone to show up, one of the guys was listening to his iPod. Suddenly he starts singing along to "Don't Stop Believein'". It happens to be one of my favorite songs, so I joined him. Next thing I knew, EVERYBODY was singing along. That song now carries a bunch of wonderful memories. * Several years ago, [[{{Eddurd}} this troper]] went to [[http://www.indianapolissymphony.org/performances/symphony_on_the_pra irie "Symphony On The Prarie"]] when they were performing Beethoven's 9th. During the 3rd movement (the slow one), I was laying back on my blanket, staring up at the stars. It was almost an out-of-body experience ... the way the music seemed to carry me up until I was drifting through space. Awesome indeed. * Probably comes under another trope, but...I was playing chess against my dad (who is very good at the game). I decided to play with my head rather than my heart and won three of the four games. However, when I won the first one, Johnny Cash's cover of "Danny Boy" was playing on the CD player. I was almost moved to tears (a rare thing from this troper). Ironically, the next game, I was beaten by a foolsmate. [[{{Crowning Moment of Funny}} Everyone was amused.]] ** Same troper from above again. Was reading Mark Simmons Horror movie survival tips and realised that the song I was listening to, "Time Of Dying", suited the part I was reading. I felt a tremble down my spine at the moment I realised. I don't watch horror movies, either... *** Far more appropriate one: whenever I finish a particularly hard English assaignment, I ALWAYS want to sing the very end of Barcelona (the bit where Freddy Mercury sings an ascending scale, followed by the opera singer singing a decending one. Basically the last fourty or so seconds). I only don't do so because it usually happens while in public, but I've been guilty of occationally singing it on the bus. The fact I sang "Barcelona, it was a beautiful horizon" when I first went to Barcelona easily tesifies the song's awesomeness...and the beauty of Barcelona (I'm not joking about that. Easily the best city I've ever visited, although I was surprised by the amount of traffic. But I digress). * In a car trip with a family of four, the original "American Pie" started to play on the radio. This troper sang a few lines, heard her mother sung a few, and her dad piped in as well. At the end of the song, This troper's father mentioned this was the first song that everyone in the car sang along to at some point. Turns out some parts where I thought my dad was singing was actually my brother, who almost "never" sings out loud. * A few years back, right after the release of Star Wars the Revenge of the Sith our headmaster told our school band to play "whatever they wanted" for our 'leadership assembly' - the normal fare plus inspiring leadership talk. So, they played the staff in to the Imperial March. ** MadeOfWin, my friend. You should be proud. * Get on the highway, bring your speed up to 70MPH. Roll down both

front windows, and blast the [=LotR=] version of Requiem For A Dream. The combination of epic music, high speed, and rushing wind is simply sublime. * The music from the [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFKtYCcMWT4 first stage of Wily's Fortress]] always made [[JustCallMeNed This Troper]] feel inspired and heroic - like he could do ANYTHING, but he could never describe WHAT about it made him feel that way. Only later did it hit him; you're going up against the most dangerous man in the world - and you're the only one who can stop him. Any other game would have ominous, dangerous-sounding music to show you how much is riding on you coming out alive - and how little chance you have of doing so. Does this game do that? FUCK no! It's driving, inspiring and empowering - it says to you, "You've come this far; it's only a little further! Keep going!" Because that music knows you can do it; it ''believes in you.'' And then he realized - this is probably why that song stands out so much in gamers' minds and memories. Crowning Music of Awesome, with a side order of Crowning Moment of Heartwarming and garnished with Fridge Brilliance. ** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykkdvYThT_Y&feature=related Gotta run gotta run now]] * This troper was on a sixthform politics trip to go down to London. Our train got delayed outside London for about half an hour, and we were all getting bored. We started moving again, at which point someone asked where we were. This troper slipped, and pressed his iPod (on a friend's speakers) on, to full volume. The song? London Calling, The Clash. At which point, the guard said "what Joe Strummer said..." * [[{{Tropers/ptitlepgy6ymio}} 0dd1]]: No mock fight is complete without "Techno Syndrome" from MortalKombat, as my friends and I have found. Eventually, the "fight" between my friends got to the point where I started playing [[BennyHill "Yakety Sax"]] instead when it just wouldn't end. ...It's one of those "you had to be there" moments... * This troper was a member of a symphonic band all through middle school, high school, and college. While there are certainly many songs from the many concerts he played in that could count, he is quite sure that absolutely ''nothing'' beats finishing the "last" song of a concert program, letting the audience go into a crazy round of applause as the conductor walks off the stage... and then comes back on the stage to cue "Stars and Stripes Forever". Best encore song ''ever'', and it never fails to bring a smile to my face when I play it. * 0dd1: I've found that listening to BonJovi while playing ''CallOfDuty 4: ModernWarfare'' makes it seem that much more awesome. ** Bon Jovi makes everything more awesome. * [[{{RiL}} This troper]] has fantasized for years about using the [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQwAxMiKHPo&feature=related Final Fantasy Prologue]] for her bridal processional. She just made good on it. ** [[Tropers/Serperoth This troper]] thinks your mate is a darn lucky person. * [[{{HellmanSabian}} This troper]] discovered Morgan Page by accident on Youtube. I have been hooked on his songs ever since. The first song

I discovered was [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shBKTA3QIok the longest road.]] I use his songs to relax or unwind throughout my day.(Plus it makes me feel awesome as well!) * DragonForce. No exceptions. * I had a friend in college who used to host giant house parties every weekend. At no less than one point during every party (usually towards the end when it was mostly just the close friends left), they would play Piano Man as loud as possible and everyone would stand together with their arms around each other and sing along. The effect was especially profound at the last party he had just after graduating and before moving away. * This Troper was the only percussionist in her band class last year. [[CrowningMomentofAwesome We got to play Wipeout.]] * When I was in high school, my younger brother and I listened to the radio as I drove us to school every day. On my last day of high school, The Final Countdown by Europe came on our local classic rock station. Cue epic rocking out and feelings of sheer badassery. * Gods Of War by Manowar. Not much more needs to be said. * my bard in my weekly D&D campaign is made of this trope, she carries around several masterwork instruments that give +5 to inspire courage and other bard skills a piece, and has trained several of our hirelings to act as her backup orchestra, once our party got into what seemed like a no win battle with 5 juvinile dragons, their pet basalisks a minotar and a lich, when my bard and our orchestra started playing [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUylFjeQg5o THIS ]] we steamrolled over them * I saw this guy in concert: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hv9wlLviHQ Check out the other videos of him on Youtube. His act primarily consists of TV theme songs, show tunes, and Johnny Cash covers, with a few random favorites thrown in, and mimmicking the styles and sounds of the original artists almost perfectly. * This Troper has a playlist for gaming. While playing a game of BF:Vietnam he had it on shuffle (I know that game has awesome music but I have the songs on my playlist anyway) when he's flying a helicopter. It gets shot to hell and I barely manage to survive the landing. I am then jumped by a group of NVA and am stuck fighting them till some freinds in a huey killed them and picked me up to go with them. The whole time the cover of "The Minstrel Boy" from Black Hawk Down is playing. Twas awesome. * This troper played a season of American football in high school. Before the game, everybody had their own special song to get pumped up-- mostly rap, rock, and metal (Kid Cudi, Rage Against The Machine, and Priestess are a few that I remember guys using). Mine? [[StreetFighter Guile's Theme.]] * ''SonicR''. The music alone makes this game the best game ever conceived to this troper, plus the gameplay is pretty wicked too. * This she-Troper has had Sephiroth's Theme from the Advent Children movie as her alarm clock for a few weeks now. * I don't believe I ever lived before that night, getting up in karaoke and leading a ''roomful'' of (admittedly drunken) non-power metal geeks in a rousing rendition of RhapsodyOfFire's

[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwl3wpiFSgA Pride of the Tyrant]]. * I have a friend who occasionally has a show on the public radio station at his college. He's a power metal geek, so it tends to cover everything from {{Metallica}} to {{Rammstein}} to {{Apocalyptica}} and everything in between. He also has a habit of turning up the most incredibly ''[[CrazyAwesome insane]]'' music I've ever heard (Did you know there's such a thing as "pirate metal?" I didn't). But the part that everyone always ends up looking forward to is "What the Hell Did I Just Listen To?", where he plays the craziest metal covers he can possibly find. So far, this has included [[StarWars the Imperial March]], {{Caramelldansen}}, the {{Mario}} theme music, "You Spin Me Round", "The Final Countdown", and the ''BatmanTheAnimatedSeries'' theme. I suspect it's just a matter of time before he gets ahold of one of Crow's Claw's TouhouProject covers. * I was at the dentist's to get a filling, and they were about to numb me. Just as they put the needle in, "Give me Novocaine" from GreenDay's ''AmericanIdiot'' started playing over the speakers in the ceiling. * While playing ''GrandTheftAutoIV'', this troper began a mission to introduce using the in game internet. Upon reaching one of the computer and logging on, the radio began to play Philip Glass' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVzwxQMuOww Pruit Igoe]] needless to say he was both [[CrowningMomentofAwesome left in total awe]] and [[CrowningMomentofFunny laughing his ass off]]. ---Head back to the rockin' [[SugarWiki/CrowningMusicOfAwesome main page]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CruelAndUnusualDeath * After the session were we delivered a [[{{Pathfinder}} Norgorber priest]] to the authorities, one of my partners suggested a way to execute him: tie him to a rock, load it into a trebuchet, and then shoot it in the sea.

Crunchtastic * This troper likes 'Craptastic'. A lot. ** [[{{Cybele}} this troper]] is fond of "craptacular". =D ** This troper prefers "shittacular." * This troper almost always invokes this trope to within an inch of its life.Examples: "Shittastic","Boretastic","Sylaristical"...the list goes on... * This troper calls extremely cute things "cuddly-icious". * This troper likes referring to things that are unhealthy, yet tasty, as "carcino-licious" * This troper has a friend who came up with "humassive." She prefers "humongozoid," personally. ** Hey, I say "humongozoid" too! My late husband was fond of "fuckadonia." Kinda sounds like an exotic country.

* This editor once attempted, with less than satisfactory results, to play the word "Hitlerific" in a [[{{Kwyjibo}} game of Scrabble]]. ** Of course, "Hitleriffic" has TWO Fs! *** A friend of mine who likes offending people came up with ''Holocaustastic'' to describe things. (Hopefully, really bad things.) **** Would something [[IncrediblyLamePun Holocaustic]] be an extreme [[GeniusBonus chemical base?]] * As far as can be determined, the term "[[{{squick}} squicktastic]]" originated here on this Wiki, but the details of who to give credit to have apparently been lost to time. ** This Wiki apparently also originated the term "toyetic". *** ''This very wiki'' has information within it that should show otherwise. * And here I tend to describe things in terms of "ecks dee/equis de" and "lolastic". * This troper uses "craptastic" a lot. He also sometimes uses stranger ones such as "doomtastic" "legiontastic" and "fuckariffic". He's also very fond of using "absotively" (a portmanteau of absolutely and positively). ** Absotively poselutely! * This troper once received a "ninja dictionary" which was basically a list of these, featuring such gems as "nintastic" (fantastic) and "ninstruction worker" (construction worker). * This troper belongs to a small group of ''TheLegendOfZelda'' roleplayers. She's gotten them all to refer to exceptional things concerning the character of Ganondorf as "Ganonical." ** You've just given [[Tropers/{{JET73L}} This Troper]] a fun new word for non-GannonBanned Zelda subjects! * [[{{Seneca}} This troper]] is rather fond of "excellotastic". * [[BooBooBob This Troper]] sometimes refers to himself as "Boblivious". ** My husband (also a Bob) just got a new nickname. *** So glad I could assist. * This troper spontanteously coined the word "rispankulous" to describe the cleavage diplayed by Domino in ''WolverineAndTheXMen'', without even considering the [[FreudWasRight Freudian implications of that particular substitution]]. * This troper coined the term "Roxalicious" among her cousins during a session of KingdomHearts II for hot video game characters. In the same vein, they made "Kyotastic" for hot anime characters. * [[ManJusticeLeague This troper]] has coined "horriblearious" (horrible + hilarious) for referring to jokes that [[DeadBabyComedy really shouldn't be funny]] but [[CrossesTheLineTwice crack you up anyway.]] * Everythin's better with -ness on the end - Awesomeness! * This troper adds the "-ish" modifier to the end of absolutes. "[[OnlyMostlyDead Deadish]]" being most common. * One that's seen an odd amount of popularity - beyond "ridiculous" lies "redonkulous". * [[ThirtyTwoFootsteps This troper]] and his friends will sometimes say "snerg" or "schnerg" as a generic expression of frustration. * This troper likes to add sauce to the end of words. Awesomesauce.

Doomsauce. Noobsauce. Weaksauce. Holocaustsauce. Squicksauce. >.> * Unfortunate implications in works of fiction that employ tropes such as RapeIsLove are often found to be "rapetastic" by this troper. * Probably doesn't fit here, but I made up my own word a while ago, for when you're asleep when someone is talking to you and you wake up.Basically a short form of "Wait,what did you say? I was asleep." That word is "edch'b'wa?" Pronounced exactly the way it's spelt. * This troper has a classmate who made up a word, "custilionistic," that supposedly means "has big feet." * [[NotSoBadassLongcoat This troper]] usually calls things that are funny enough to make one burst (or asphyxiate) from laughter "killarious". * This troper recently came up with 'Spiffyful'. It was immediately declared the most pointless word ever. * [[DFarrey This troper]] once used the word "Contabulisticly." It just rolled off his tongue and sounded like a word at the time. It has come to mean "completely, to a T, or being able to match all the listed qualities of X." * [[MalachiteDragon This Troper]] has a talent for making up swear words off the top of his head, on command. Memorable ones include--->Assnuggets --->Assmonkeys --->Buttbiscuits --->Fuck the fucking fuckers! --->Snazzin' Frazzin' <object> * I use the word Dumbassosity. Example ''"He's practically radiating with dumbassosity"'' * This troper has "Flurgalschnag", which is to the English language what the value of X is to math such that the definition of Flurgalschnag in the sentence "I flurgalschnagged that girl" is the similar to the value of X in the equation Y = 4X. * This troper has a friend who occasionally describes things as 'Sexcellent' * This troper tends to add 'zors' to words, e.g, [[MadeOfWin winzors]], [[VerbalTic meepzors]], [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome awesomezors]], [[EpicFail failzors]], etc. * This troper has a friend who can't parse abbreviations. We can be having a long, involved conversation about something with a multi-word title -- just as a random example, say, "Raiders of the Lost Ark" -and if I try to abbreviate it, he'll ask me what "RotLA" is. I refer to him as "abbrevilexic". * AngryScientist was the creator of "failwhale", before {{Twitter}} stole it. He also invented "fudgetaculiciousness" and "plagiariffic", the latter used to describe {{Twitter}}'s use of his greatest work. * My brother and some of his friends made a pun on "Excellent" and "Excrement." One professor pointed out a similar pun in German! * This Troper does this several times a day. His favorites are "Orgasmatastic" and "Magitastical". And in times of sarcasm, "Specialriffic". * Tropers/{{Excel-2011}}: ** Disinflectant ** Prefectionist

** (Im)posstible ** Horrorble ** Reasonble ** [[UsefulNotes/{{DNA}} D&A]] ** [[{{CNN}} C&N]] ** Simular ** Chestapeake (a city in Virginia) ** Vidial games ** Misunderestimate ** Bunanas ** Constequences ** Musics ** Algeber ** Rememberize ** Teeths ** Hitleristic ** [[DeadpanSnarker "I only had to do it]] [[PrecisionFStrike fuckthousand times."]] * This troper is fond of "absitively posilutely" ---Return to the page {{Crunchtastic}} - it's {{troperiffic}}! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CrutchCharacter * Several players on my secondary school hockey team were crutch characters in the long run. When the team started and most of us were new to the sport, there were a few with a bit of previous experience seemed unstoppable (we used to compare our star midfielder to [[TheMatrix Neo]], seriously) and were universally regarded as indispensable members of the team. Perhaps partially because of that status (or because they'd already had the few years of improvement due to most casual players) they never really improved in later years, and quickly became bench warmers - several even quit. I'm sure plenty of other school teams have had the same thing happen. * This troper *is* a CrutchCharacter in the game of Dance Dance Revolution. Within 2 years, I've went from never having heard of the game to being ranked top 10 in North American and top 100 in the world (using Konami's official internet ranking). I suspect (though cannot prove) that I was the number one player in my city, if not my province. In the following 5 years, at least 20 of my peers from my same city have surpassed me. * For the longest time, this troper was relying on his Crystal Beast/Rainbow Deck alot when he was starting out Yugioh, until they later proved to be this trope due to his incompetence, then he learned about the wonderful world of [[GameBreaker SynchroMonsters]] and Stardust Dragon

CrystalDragonJesus

* [[Tropers/KyleSB This troper]] knows someone who worships volcanoes. Apparently, Volcanicism is the worship of volcanoes, and you can solve any problem by throwing people into the Volcano. If there is a Jerkass running rampant, throw him into the volcano. If there was a witness, throw them in too. If you get caught, you can throw a hostage into a volcano, and eventually, if you believed you have sinned to much and became a problem, you can throw yourself into the volcano, and in this instance, you can't go to hell for suicide, seeing how you died as an offering to the Volcano, you can even throw a volcano into a volcano to stop the volcano from erupting, and as long as you continue to give offerings to the volcano, the world will never end. * [[{{Tropers/Ungulateman}} This troper]] mentioned this trope at random ina social environment, and was then accused as being part of some retarded cult which apparently worshipped dragons and gemstones or something. Worrying.

CuddleBug * [[{{EPIC}} This Troper]]. Apart from being a GentleGiant {{Yandere}}, hugs and chest-cries are what I do best--and as such, LOOOVE recieving them. * One of my friends is such a cuddle bug she actually went through hugging withdrawls after being sick out of school for two days and not being allowed to hug anyone the first day she got back, in case she was still contagious. * I am, but only towards my best friend. I hate touching and being touched by anyone else. * I am an Asexual, but my friends commonly call me a cuddle-slut. I use the fact that I won't come on to anyone to great effect, and manage to snuggle with all but the most uptight of my friends, female and male alike. * Most of the anime/cosplay community where I live seems to be this. A hug is the standard greeting. :3 * My entire circle of friends can't ever seem to stop hugging each other. Group hug! * This tropette and her boyfriend. If we're not cuddling with each other, we'll cuddle with someone else. We're just that affectionate * This Troper would count as well, and the majority of her friends. It's gotten her into trouble now and then with people assuming she's interested in them in a... different... way, when she sees them as friends or [[{{Nakama}} siblings]]. * A certain female friend of mine and me would always snuggle close when we watched movies together. Now technically i would probably be much more of a cuddle bug then just this if i had more opportunities, but shes the only friend i felt i could do it with without freaking them out * It's a RunningGag with me that I'll occasionally try to invoke HoYay (even though I am bisexual) by hugging other guys at random while quoting [[SweetBroAndHellaJeff the Bro Hug Bump comic]]. It's just for laughs, though.

CueCullen [[redirect:TroperTales/AndTheFandomRejoiced]]

CueTheFlyingPigs * When Santa Fe, Texas's high school football team went varsity for the first time in 1993, a local reporter claimed that the team would make playoffs "when pigs fly." Cue 2003. Indians make playoffs. Small rubber pigs were passed out throughout the school, and the man that wrote the editorial was sent one himself. The pigs can still be seen throughout the school today (as of 2010). * In [[NoExportForYou Europe]], the [[PlayStationNetwork list of PSOne classics]] (without counting [[MetalGear Metal Gear Solid]] and [[FinalFantasyVII some]] [[FinalFantasyVIII other]] [[CrashBandicoot noteworthy]] [[{{Rayman}} exceptions]]) is, well, [[UnderStatement quite poor]]. In a forum, a topic concerning the possible release of [[SpyroTheDragon some]] [[{{Ehrgeiz}} important]] [[TombRaider missing]] [[{{Tekken}} entries]] saw a user's post, among the answers, that was exactly this trope. While I thought that was pessimistic at first, [[TakeThat now I know that, boy, he was damn right.]] * I am a Mac guy, self proclaimed fanboi, and have recently decided to Build a PC for gaming. CueTheFlyingPigs * Back in 2003, my Dad said that he'd get me a Palm Pilot or similar product "when pigs fly over a frozen hell, and all of the world's religious leaders agree about what it means" (this has since become my family's standard variation of this trope). Fast forward to October of 2010, and he buys me a Palm Pre and my sister a Palm Pixi. * This troper lives in a simply gods-awful, economically depressed, terrible place to live (why? College.) He intends to move away the moment the ink's dry on his degree. Folks around here give him a hard time about "it's hard to be happy when you've convinced yourself that you live in hell." Said this troper: "Now that is absolutely not true. I know I don't live in Hell because it's been a bloody awful cold winter and last I checked, there was not a string of women lined up around the block to sleep with me." * One OriginalCharacter that I use in a [[{{Pokemon}} Pokmon]] RP once said that she'd never let anyone have a misconception about her heterosexuality until they beat the Elite Four and the Champion 151 times with a team of Level 100 [[JokeCharacter Caterpie]], then took [[OlympusMons Mewtwo]], one of the Caterpie, and a [[GameBreakingBugs Level 0]] [[TheMissingno Missingno.]] to Bill who would let the player into his secret garden where they would find her in a compromising, possibly lesbian position[[hottip:*:Yes, it was a parody of the UrbanLegendOfZelda found on long-lost Geocities sites during the fad surrounding PokemonRedAndBlue.]]. The very next night? Well, lets just say the Caterpie were logged into the Hall of Fame for the 151st time as the character in question engaged in some FauxYay for the [[GirlOnGirlIsHot enjoyment]] of the other girl's fiancee. * A story told in Russian universities has a theory of probability professor explaining the concept of zero probability by saying that "it is the probability of a white horse entering this room right now"

during his first lecture every year. [[TemptingFate He kept it up]] until a group of senior students had actually acquired a white horse, smuggled it to the lecture room door, where he was giving yet another opening lecture, waited for him to say the line and... cue the white horse! The professor is said to have changed the example to describe near-zero probability since that incident, just in case. ** CrowningMomentOfFunny if anything. Where did they get the horse anyway? ---Pigs will fly and hell will freeze over as you go back to CueTheFlyingPigs. ----

CuffsOffRubWrists * Having been arrested, this troper can attest to poorly fitted handcuffs rubbing, and when removed rubbing the wrists to allow circulation is not unusual. * Having been handcuffed to a chair before (long story), this troper can attest that an hour with your hands cuffed behind your back will leave you with sore wrists and unsightly red marks, both of which can be somewhat alleviated by rubbing your wrists. * This troper is taking classes in Law Enforcement and after being cuffed fifty times a day in the space of two hours... very quickly learned to wrap my wrists when the instructer says to get the cuffs out. * This troper has heard that when massaging an injured area, the stimulus from the massage reaches the brain first (or something to that effect), so rubbing your wrists after being bound makes sense. ** This was brought up in a class taken by this troper. See: [[http://www.google.com/url?url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain%23Ga te_control&rct=j&q=gate+control+theory+pain&usg=AFQjCNH3CF3fz38jWLVhU1 oC_C0QpMyiyw&sa=X&ei=Nw0vTcjXGIP78AbvyZHtCA&ved=0CDwQygQ&cad=rja Gate Control]] theory of pain. * This troper had played a part in a Shakespeare play (''Twelfth Night''), in which he was arrested and had his hands bound. The end scene had various characters on stage at the same time, but without lines, so everyone had to come up with an action to occupy themselves with. Having just been released from bondage, guess what this troper did? * This Tropette has been cuffed many times for....reasons we'll not get into in detail but you can use your imagination, when you're being suspended from the ceiling for a few hours at a time, the cuffs you're wearing need to be on pretty tight, and it does tend to cut off circulation so when you're let loose the first thing you do of course is Cuffs Off Rubs Wrists ----

CulturalCringe

* [[{{Tropers/Erkhyan}} I am a Malagasy citizen]] of Malagasy, French and Gujarati descent. I rarely if ever speak of these three cultures in a positive way. Actually, I even quite often have to tone down the scathing critique... * [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} This troper]] is a [[{{AcceptableEthnicTargets}} White Australian]] native to Gippsland, a regional area of Victoria [[{{PlanetOfHats}} known for being populated with mostly bogans]]...[[{{MySpeciesDothProtestTooMuch}} and yet he is very far from being a bogan]], in being able to speak English well as well as having an avid interest in Asian cultures (as well as wanting to at least speak passable Japanese or Mandarin one day). Combine that with that he tends to be quite a lot smarter than most of the others, as well as a good chunk of AllOfTheOtherReindeer [[{{BerserkButton}} in his direction...]] he is prone to wishing he was actually Japanese or Chinese (maybe the former...) * This troper cringes almost every day for being Korean. I don't exactly consider myself an American though, so I'm more of a "citizen of the world" type of person. * This troper is Mexican, and if I say what I really think about my county, it would be considered "hate speech"; that's all I'm gonna say... * Every time this American troper tries to suck it up and defend her country in an argument, a gang of flavor-two [[EagleLand Eaglelanders]] come out of goddamn nowhere and [[RuinedForever ruin everything forever]]. It's just not worth it anymore. ** They are trolls. I know this because I have a German cousin who does this for kicks. * This Russian troper (of Korean, German and Russian descent) mostly fits the description of the intelligentsia given in the second sentence of the main article's "The Cringe in Russia" section (incidentally, I am the one who wrote the third paragraph of said section; I am not sure if I did a good job at concealing my cringe when writing it). I say "mostly", because most of the time I find the "civilized, democratic and tolerant West" only marginally better. Neither do I gush about "the East", "the Global South" or whatever the heck is supposed to be the opposite of "the West". I guess I just don't like humanity all that much. ** No, it's not you. It's the fact that the media won't let people let go of the image that Russia is the third worst hell-hole in the world, right after Africa and South America. You really shouldn't care about following any other countries. I think we're all just trying to get our own shit together, and putting on a tough front. *** What do you mean, it's not me? And I am not sure what kind of media you are talking about, but I had spent most of my childhood and teenage years outside Russia, following both Russian and foreign media, and my view of Russia used to be quite positive - that it had its issues, but progress was being made in addressing them and the future looked quite bright. In fact I was somewhat nationalistic in my early teens (despite the fact that I'm not a "pure-blooded Russian"), and by my late teens I had become a more conventional "love the country, hate the government" type. And then my family moved back to Russia and it took less than a year of experiencing the True Russia

for me to start doubting the first part of that statement. Also, as I implied in my previous post, I couldn't care less about "following any other countries" - I believe that emulating other countries politically is not particularly desirable (as a libertarian I find the political systems of all modern states detestable, to varying degrees), while emulating them culturally on a nationwide scale is simply impossible. * This trope is so prevalent in [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/UsefulNotes/Philippines my home country]] that it's actually one of the many reasons why [[MySpeciesDothProtestTooMuch I reconsidered]] working as a [[StrawmanNewsMedia journalist]]: [[StrawmanPolitical they're]] split between [[UsefulNotes/MisplacedNationalism rabid nationalists]] [[HumansAreBastards who think that the government is an evil institution]] [[TruthInTelevision that]] [[StrawmanPolitical should be fed to the dogs]] and [[TheQuisling "anti-patriots"]] who consider [[MySpeciesDothProtestTooMuch their backwards nation and nationality]] as an [[Wangst embarrassment to themselves and the region]], citing [[AlwaysSomeoneBetter the success]] of their [[BlatantLies more liberal]], [[PeoplesRepublicOfTyranny democratic]], and [[DidNotDoTheResearch economically and politically stable]] [[SmallReferencePools neighbors]] as proof of this. That most of these people are [[ScrewPolitenessImASenior veteran]] [[SlobsVersusSnobs intelligentsia]] who don't [[TotallyRadical know]] what an [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Troll Internet troll]] is, let alone being able to spot one when they see one, is not very comforting. I'm more [[CulturalCringe embarrassed]] of [[BoomerangBigot them]] than [[ForeignQueasine any]] [[CrapsaccharineWorld other]] [[StrawDystopia aspect]] of my [[HolidayInCambodia country]]. Also, either camp is prone to neglecting the [[HumansAreBastards Humans are bastards]] trope; if it's bad, it [[CriticalResearchFailure only happens in the Philippines]].

Eugh, just go back to CulturalCringe and don't even notice what my passport actually says...

CulturePolice * Not all religious schools have these rules for such extreme Culture Police reasons. [[Tropers/DragonRanger This Troper]] attended one that had rules banning drinking and dancing (even while home on break), but it was understood that such extremes were less about "Christian" doctrine and more a move to avoid alienating Bible Belt parents. We also understood that what they actually disapproved of was clubbing and the like; there's a world of difference between going out to a nightclub and a little wine and dancing at a wedding reception. * Two words...DeviantART. I see a lot of people suggest outright ''banning'' art genres they do not like on basis of "It's not art". I've also seen a lot of people suggest "Quality control" to keep the "crappy art" except they suggest banning ''entire'' genres on basis of

"ItsPopularNowItSucks" or "I hate this artstyle". Anime, Fan Art, and photographs get this a ''lot''. ** Particularly nudes.

CunningLinguist * I learn Spanish, Mandarin, Latin and Ancient Greek at school; and I want to learn Japanese and Russian as well. I also have an Albanian Kosovan father, but I currently know about 7 words in Albanian. * This troper wants to be a linguist when she grows up (currently in 10th grade). My Spanish is shaky and my French is basic, but I'm only in Spanish 3 and French 2 so I have a long way to go. I actually ranked 18th in the nation for my level in French, so things could be looking up. I also have German and Russian textbooks lying around that are begging to be put to use. I taught myself Cyrillic and basic verb conjugations in Russian and I taught myself present and both past tenses in German, but laziness and ADD struck and I never really achieved any proficiency in them. * This troper has some prior experience with German, Spanish, Russian and Japanese outside of his current college setting. I fully intend to become fluent in at least three of them, in addition to my native English. * [[{{Cosman246}} This troper]]'s mother tongue ''was'' Hindi, but forgot it when learning English. He then tried relearning it (mixed success). Now he is learning Japanese, Latin, and is trying to learn other languages, even create a conlang.... * This troper's mother language is Greek, with VERY good skill in English and fluency in German and is currently learning Japanese. His plans include Russian and Latin. * This troper speaks English natively, and is fluent in Japanese. If nothing else, he wants to improve his horrendous Spanish. * [[Discworld/NightWatch Veritas, Justitia, Libertas, Amor aequo preto et ovum durmum excotum!]] * [[JET73L This troper]] speaks English natively, was fluent but is now rusty in Mexican Spanish, has a small amount of practice in Castillian Spanish and some in German, is practicing French and Japanese (but really needs a class to [[RidiculousProcrastinator keep]] [[CloudcuckooLander focused]]), and understands much but speaks very little of Italian (and half of what the troper does speak is Sicilian or Americanized Italian). The knowledge is there to puzzle out most Latin and some Greek, and the troper can speak YiddishAsASecondLanguage but not very much. In short, the troper could be described as a [[JackOfAllTrades jack (or 3/6/7/other low-tomiddling numbers) of many languages]], an [[CunningLinguist ace]] [[GrammarNazi in]] one (unless you count SeparatedByACommonLanguage, in which case the troper is an ace in two or [[TVTropesWillRuinYourVocabulary three]]). * ThisTroper also aims to be a JackOfAllTrades CunningLinguist, but is also a RidiculousProcrastinator. Among them he speaks English, French, Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, Russian and Arabic, most of them badly. He also wants to learn German, Japanese, Hindi/Urdu and Portuguese ... eventually.

* This Tropette's native language is Finnish, but I also speak English, Swedish (being my country's second official language) and German. And oh boy, they are nothing but a start, I'm waiting for my French and Japanese classes to start next fall. And if I have enough time in the middle of all that, I guess I'll still enroll myself to Spanish class. * [[{{Trkzsoup}} This troper]] speaks American English natively and knows decent Mexican Spanish (a few years of not studying have made me rusty). In addition to those, I'm slowly learning Italian, German and Portuguese, with bits and pieces of French that I've randomly picked up thrown in for good measure. When out of the country, I tend to find myself speaking some hybridized bastard language I generally call "Spanglitalian." Cue very confused looks from Mexican tour guides and other foreign tourists. * Fluent in English, Swedish, and Icelandic, passable in Basque, German, Spanish, and French, and I know enough to read and get by in Russian, Finnish, and Hebrew. * Least impressive of this whole page, I know Spanish and English... I can however, understand (if spoken slowly) French, Italian and Portuguese :). * [[{{Tropers/AmeliaPond}} My]] native languange is American English, but since I grew up in a ghetto I have native-level fluency in Mexican Spanish as well. I'm fluent in Standard Japanese and Mandarin Chinese too, but not at the native-level. And I'm passable in French and German thanks to high school courses. Being a blue-eyed blonde, I love the looks I get on campus from passers-by when they see me in the cafeteria, chatting in Mandarin with my friends Shu Yi, Dong Cheng, and Xia Lan (Taiwanese exchange students). * I may only speak English fluently, but I have a tongue ala [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Gene Simmons]]. * British Born Chinese troper speaks English and Mandarin as first languages, moved to Spain as a child (now fluent in Spanish) and later began taking Latin and French at school. I'm also self-taught in Romanian just because I like the way the language sounds. * [[{{Tropers/Betterthanstrawberry}} This troper]]'s Arabic-speaking ability is barely enough for an average everyday conversation, but amusingly enough, he's better than a friend who is of Syrian descent. * [[Tropers/SirPsychoSexy This troper]] is fluent in German, Japanese, and Spanish, and knows a smattering of Brazilian Portuguese from a ''Portuguese for Spanish Speakers'' class he took in grad school. All these languages he [[MomentOfAwesome learned in school]] (Spanish: started in junior high; Japanese: started as an undergrad; German: picked up in grad school), since his entire family ([[CaptainObvious save him]]) is monolingual in English. Plus he's been [[MistakenNationality mistaken for]] a Spaniard ('''in Spain!''') and a Japanese ([[FridgeLogic even though he's]] [[PaleSkinnedBrunette whiter]] [[ButNotTooWhite than sour cream]]) because of his language abilities. * This Tropers mother-tongue is Turkish but I live in Denmark and grew up with both Danish (though I live near Sweden and... Yeah you get the idea...), Turkish (some Turkish-Kurdish to that from my dad), English (from my step mother who didn't speak danish and school), French

(again from my stepmother), German(5 years in school) and Spanish (limited because I only had it for 3 years on A-level). Sounds good? I can honestly say that my lingual abilities are completely useless. Cheers. * This troper is currently fluent in Faroese, Danish and English, and has been learning German for a year. She understands Swedish and Norwegian fairly well, due to them being mutually intelligible with Danish, and she understands written Icelandic fairly well too. She's extremely interested in linguistics and is currently trying to learn Russian. ----* Return to CunningLinguist? * Le gustara a usted volver a CunningLinguist? * Zurckkehren zu CunningLinguist? * G tilbage til CunningLinguist? * G tilbake til CunningLinguist? * G tillbaka till CunningLinguist? * &#1042;&#1099; &#1074;&#1086;&#1079;&#1074;&#1088;&#1072;&#1097;&#1072;e&#1090;e &#1074; CunningLinguist? * Terugkeren naar CunningLinguist? * Retourner CunningLinguist? * Voltar a CunningLinguist? * &#1567;CunningLinguist &#1607;&#1604; &#1578;&#1585;&#1610;&#1583; &#1575;&#1604;&#1593;&#1608;&#1583;&#1577; &#1573;&#1604;&#1609; * Uyafune ukuhambile kwa[[CunningLinguist Cunning Linguist?]] * &#917;&#960;&#953;&#963;&#964;&#961;&#941;&#968;&#964;&#949; &#963;&#964;&#959; CunningLinguist? * Eturn-ray o-tay [[CunningLinguist Unning-cay Inguist-lay]]? * Gusto mo bang bumalik sa CunningLinguist? * Dychwelyd i'r [[CunningLinguist ieithydd cyfrwys]]? * Recedisne ad [[CunningLinguist litteratorem callidum]]? * &#1492;&#1488;&#1514;&#1512; &#1492;&#1494;&#1492; &#1500;&#1488; &#1502;&#1488;&#1508;&#1513;&#1512; &#1511;&#1497;&#1513;&#1493;&#1512;&#1497;&#1501; &#1489;&#1506;&#1489;&#1512;&#1497;&#1514;, &#1488;&#1489;&#1500; &#1514;&#1495;&#1494;&#1493;&#1512; (&#1488;&#1493; &#1514;&#1495;&#1494;&#1512;&#1497;, &#1488;&#1501; &#1497;&#1513; &#1489;&#1504;&#1493;&#1514; &#1489;&#1488;&#1497;&#1504;&#1496;&#1512;&#1504;&#1496;) &#1500;&#1511;&#1496;&#1506; &#1492;&#1494;&#1492; &#1513;&#1502;&#1491;&#1489;&#1512;&#1497;&#1501; &#1506;&#1500; &#1513;&#1508;&#1493;&#1514;. CunningLinguist * CunningLinguist [&#23380;&#28369;(&#12371;&#12358;&#12363;&#12388;)&#12394;&#35328;&#3 5486;&#23398;&#32773;]&#12395;&#36820;&#12387;&#12390;&#12367;&#12428; &#12414;&#12379;&#12435;&#12363;&#12290; * Palataanko sivulle CunningLinguist? * &#1042;&#1077;&#1088;&#1085;&#1091;&#1090;&#1100;&#1089;&#1103; &#1082; CunningLinguist? * Esce vuleu onzanen ad CunningLinguist? * Atgriezties uz CunningLinguist?

* Terug naar CunningLinguist? * Truk noa CunningLinguist? (Cunning Linguists feel free to add or edit translations) ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CupHolders [[AC:TroperTales]] ---* In a [=DnD=] game the Troper Participated in, a "used wagon" salesman in a town was pitching a wagon that featured six "beerstein holders." * This Troper's wife just bought a car. A subcompact. With ''10'' cup holders. ** [[RuleofCool WOW.]] ** Damn, that's impressive. * This Troper's brother has a very nice car with no CupHolders. His sister has put it in TheAlledgedCar territory because of this. * A mild subversion in my case: Nobody drinks anything in my car. * This troper's English cousin (my aunt moved there shortly after highschool) didn't understand our American obsession with cup holders in our cars. Then she moved here and bought a car. NOW she gets it. ** By the way, the troper would like to make the obvious innuendo about holding cups. Hurr hurr hurr. * Whenever this troper writes about vehicles, either the narrator or one of the characters will say something about cup holders, even on things like tanks and fighter jets. ---Take your vehicle of choice (with enough cup holders for your coffee, beer, energy drinks, soda, and whatever else) back to CupHolders. ----

CursedWithAwesome * Having big boobs, people! Sure, they are cool, but you get a lot of trouble finding bras your size and "supportive" enough, sometimes to the point of having to use two at once to keep them in place. They are also annoying when you want to go running... ** [[CrossesTheLineTwice Maybe you could get a guy to hold them for you while running with you...]] * I have to exercise, and strenuously. Otherwise within one or two days, I start going insane. Literally. In other words, I am cursed to always push myself to become physically stronger otherwise I lose my sanity. And it's genetic. * I was always able to get money when needed, strangely enough, someone else always needed it more. In other words, I always had enough money to give to somebody else. * I have no sense of smell. This sucks, unless you live in a family where farting is a common occurrence. ** Given that taste is strongly linked to smell, this can also be

BlessedWithSuck. * This troper had a few people who tried to break her down. Repeatedly. And it didn't work, so now she just has that bit of confidence. [[CloudCuckooLander *blows raspberry*]] * You think being tall and having [[ShesGotLegs super-long, toned legs]] as a woman is awesome? Yes, in some situations, but good luck finding trousers! ** Something like that happened to this troper. It's awesome to have a 100cm butt...except for the little detail that you can't buy underwear without blushing so hard that the employee asks me if I'm okay. And, oh! I forgot to mention that I'm not even an adult. *** Well, perhaps you could get your boyfriend to buy it for you! Unless you don't have a boyfriend, in which case it shouldn't be too difficult for you to get one... [[FridgeLogic well, unless the issue is that you don't want one, that is]]... * I have terrible eyesight so I wear glasses. With glasses my eyesight is better than that of normal people. * I'm dyslexic. Now, the most commonly known symptom of dyslexia is "can't read or write properly". Well, that's ''normally'' the case, but I only show the two lesser-known symptoms (problems reading analogue clocks/can't tell left from right). Why? I found reading too hard and ''learnt to read in a totally different way to almost everyone else in the world'', so that I can read just fine - only, I read fast. Very fast. As in, in a period of time where most people my age can read five books, I can read ''twenty-six''. I have a tendancy to write quickly too, so I do make a lot of typos - but I learnt to spot typos automatically when I was a child, so I automatically know if someone has spelt something wrong! Yes, I'm a walking Word processor/scanner - and all because I'm dyslexic! ** "Tendancy"? * I'm smart. Genius-level IQ. I'm in Mensa. Do I tell ''anyone'' this at work? No. I work a blue-collar job. You could call me an [[AlmightyJanitor almighty front desk attendant]]. I only hold an associates degree. I don't want to finish college, I like what I do and I'm happy - Lots of time to read in my job. However I can't say I'm smart, though lots of people point it out. People would think I'm lording it over them. My managers will think I'm vying for their jobs. I get barraged with questions about why aren't I a college professor, and I should go to college. I'll volunteer some bit of info about physics or something obscure and get asked "How would you even know that?" So I like being smart and all, but it's a bit of a curse, too. * Things rarely get to me. I almost never cry at sad movies, and I am always calm during difficult situations. I never feel worried when my mom is sick or when we have financial difficulties, allowing me to think more clearly than she does in such situations. I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me and my mother once accused me of being a sociopath. * I'm tall as well. I wouldn't want to be short. But the Curse side is 1) joint pain from growing too fast; 2) hitting my head; 3) I currently live [[HongKong where it's impossible]] to get clothes my size; and 4) I would look like a {{lolicon}} with most women. Still, it's nice being able to see over the crowd.

** I should probably note that to the locals, being 6'6" and having BlueEyes falls under FreakyIsCool. ** Being tall in general is absolutely CursedWithAwesome. Everyone wants you to get things off the high shelf for them, but they won't get things off the low shelves for you! You hear "Wow, I wish I were tall!" but sitting at picnic tables and banging your head off chandeliers and low ceiling beams is no fun, trust me. * I have poor eyesight, but learned to read without glasses before I got some, by learning to recognise the letters from the lumpy blurs that I see. Because of this I'm now unable to read with glasses, and have to ''take them off'' if I want to read something because without them I read too quickly. * I am disturbingly intelegent, and this has alienated me from those around me, though this part I view as a blessing, but the fact that I am always pushed to use my knowledge to help people is a curse as I don't like people ** "Intelegent"? Not to mention you need a semicolon after "blessing". * My family has a history of heart disease. Not to mention that I've recently just developed Acid Reflux. Doctor orders me to not smoke, nor drink coffee, tea or alcohol. Also I have to keep a strict regimen for exercise or I will die young, '''period.''' --->Let me get this straight. I have to be fit as fuck or else I won't be able to see my grandkids? --->Uh...yes. --->BEST. CURSE. EVER. * I have perhaps a mild instance of OCD in which being late for anything even by a few minutes can cause me to freak out. Even close calls are too much even if it's not important, pulling up to a movie theater at 5 minutes before start time can make me start sweating even though it'll at worse mean missing a trailer or two. It's not fun to deal with, but it has made me a very dependable and reliable employee and shields against the even more stressful situation of just being only a tardy or two away from being fired. * [[Tropers/{{Tandra88}} I]] have a small chest and I'm short. These are both very good because A) I can sneak into events and the movie theater as a child, and more often than not, can get in for free, or a way cheaper price than I would've and B) I'm way younger than I look. * For me (mild ASD, not Aspergers troper) it's ** I can read and take information very damn well, but I need stuff repeated in order to listen as I would get lost in information overload. Sometimes it's the inverse. ** I am my own [[DeadpanSnarker snarky critic]] to myself. That is, it takes me 20-30 minutes to get stuff (even something as simple as a Wiki entry) written down because I ponder whether what I'm writing is worth a shit. Also, not everything I wanted to get out gets written. On the plus side, what I've written down is labelled excellent by my peers, I can [[GrammarNazi catch grammar mistakes easily.]] ** [[BirthmarkOfDestiny My birthmark.]] Gives me some ego at the cost of writer's cramp as it affected my writing position. ** I know geography pretty stellarly basically since the first time I saw the globe, which is correlative to my desire to explore. Well, 1) I never had the chance to leave the Americas and 2) that made for one

easy, boring geography class in the eighth grade. On the plus side, it's basically a free high school credit, and the geography teacher was awesome! * This troper has an IQ of 145. She is also The Chessmaster and is only in high school so she can observe the teenager's behavior patterns. This is made of win/suck because she never has anything to do other than creepily watch people. ----

Life sucks when you're CursedWithAwesome. But at least it sucks ''awesomely''. ----

CurseOfTheAncients * As a real life example, this troper's grandmother regularly says, "Well, foot!" when she's angry. This troper also generally uses the phrase "dagnabbit" unless driving. * This troper's mother's epithet of choice was "Oh, sugar!" The closest she ever came to blasphemy could be rendered as "Gee Zeus". * This troper's Spanish teacher, a bit eccentric anyway, often said "aww, sugar" and "cheese and rice!" Similarly, this troper's father says "dadgummit" and generally swears like Ralphie's father on AChristmasStory, and this troper says "dear Zeus!" * 'Ohhhhhhhdeararceus.' This troper has used the name for the God of all Pokemon, as her parents have forbidden her to say 'Oh my God!' Other phrases include 'Oh Arceus...' and, her personal favorite, 'HOLY ARCEUS CRUD!' * [[{{Mysterynovelist}} This troper]] has a whole ''list'' of these. The most common are: ** Holy shittake sauce! (this troper's) ** Cheese and rice! (this troper's friend from the TRIO program) ** Oh, fudgeburgers! (an inside joke between this troper and her friends) * This troper has recently picked up "buggeration", "Sweet Mercury" and "schlock". They are often incorporated into her over-the-top FakeBrit routine. * This troper favours [[{{Discworld}} "Well, I'll be mogadored!"]], "bugger, blast and damn", and now, thanks to ''Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series'' can occasionally be found using "what in the name of buggery?" ** Just so you know, "bugger" does ''not'' sound like this in Britain - it's a fairly offensive swearword meaning "to have anal sex with". TheMoreYouKnow! * [[{{SerialExperimentsLain}} "Lain preserve me!"]] [[{{Sneebs}} I]] find it's such an excellent curse to utter if you're exasperated and don't wish to offend your religious friends.. * [[MalachiteDragon My]] parents, when I was younger (well, to be more precise, my Catholic mother; my atheist dad didn't give a shit) tried to forbid me from swearing "Jesus Christ" or generally taking the Lord's name in vain. The problem was, I grew up Atheist... Guess what

my favorite swears are! * "Oh! For the Love of Mike!" and "Sweet Mary O'Reilly". Don't ask me why. ** [[BurnNotice Is that you, Sam?]] * [[DeltaOne This Troper]] tends to swear either in Xhosa or [[FireFly a kind of Chinese]]. * This troper picked up "Oh, shoes" from her grandmother, and typically uses "Fuzzbuckets" or "Fragwagons" as acceptable curses around her husband's Mormon family. * "By Jove!" "Gah! Blast it!" "Curse this infernal X!" "Begone, wicked scum!" * Not [[BTIsaac my]] grandpa. He swore on regular basis, in a way that would make a sailor blush. Not very smooth from a reputable university professor and literary critic. * This Troper occasionally will use "By Poseidon's Fluffy Bunny Slippers". * For the last few years, 'curses' and 'dagnabbit' have been usually used for swears, unless there's something actually upsetting. * This Troper has been known to curse like a sailor when around her close friends. To keep from doing so in a setting where such language would not be welcome, she resorts to old-fashioned or strange phrases. "Dag nabbit" is the replacement of choice, along with "blast it," "oh, glory/gracious/goodness," "good gravy," and "for the love of *random object*." * This Swedish troper's father used to swear (at least when he had young children) with "helsikes bananer!" (which would mean, in English, "bananas of Heck!") * ''Frostsabre.'' "Man, this is one forkin' [object]!" or "Fork this chip." * This troper's [[NeverMessWithGranny badass grandmother]] has used a multitude of funny words when mad--though occasionally she lets one slip. * From TheLordOfTheRings, I picked up what happens to be the Orcish word for fire: "Ghash!" * "Oh, by heavens..." * This troper has an obsession with saying "Sweet bloody hell" or "Sweet Jesus" when she's surprise or confused, eg. "What the sweet bloody hell did you do to my room?!" or "Sweet jesus, would you look at that outfit. It's like she's from the 80's!" ---Return to rassa-frackin', toe-tappin', sis-boom-bappin' CurseOfTheAncients here, consarnit! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CurtainClothing * Having had limited access to fabric stores at various points in his life, [[Tropers/DamianYerrick this troper]] has been known to plan out costume cutting patterns to fit on a 160x240 cm piece of fabric. This is roughly the size of a US twin bed sheet.

** As has Tropers/{{JET73L}}, as well as making accessories and trim from the tie-backs of actual curtain sets. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CuteBruiser * Little seven year old girl I know from Church has this whole [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeathFromAbove death from above]] thing going on. She managed to take out 5'9", 200 pound guy with a flying tackle to the head (She jumped up onto the bonnet of the car and used that to throw herself up. That doubles as a CMOA and triples as a CMOF when she ripped his button up shirt off from the spinning-around-gag that ensued.) * Two women in this troper's ROTC class are short and brutal in combatives, earning them both the nickname of "spidermonkey." They're cute, but don't let them grapple you. * This troper has a backstory in a current Vampire game wherein an [[ReallySevenHundredYearsOld eight year old girl]] tore his arm off because she wanted his attention. She still has it. ** The arm or his attention? ** Could be both * From a MutantsAndMasterminds game This Troper ran: -->Karly Lacci -->Ht: 5' 1/2" -->Wt: 160 Lbs -->Cute, bubbly, Lifting Strength of 50. When bored, would juggle car tires. Once took on an entire platoon of police officers by throwing their cars away. * From a short-lived Mutants and Masterminds game on Rpol.net: Jinjing Li, a thin teen standing about five and a half feet in height. Lifting strength 90 (heavy load - Naval Destroyer, c. 3200 tons). With her limiter (a device used to keep her power safely in check) off, her lifting strength topped out at 135 (3.2 million tons)...uncontrolled. * This Troper ran a character in a {{Champions}} game, "Power Mouse", a homage to MightyMouse: 3'2" tall, and able to lift and throw an M-1 tank. * This troper ran a character in {{Champions}}, "Starguard". 18 years old, petite, cute, blonde, perky... and hosting the remnant essence of an archangel. When she chose to cut loose, a pocket Armageddon would fall on you. The only people in the game universe stronger than she was when she channelled her power into physical might were the local equivalents of the Hulk and Thor. * One girl this troper knew in high school solved her particularly vicious [[TheLibby Libby]] problems very succinctly. Ever see a 4 foot eleven girl wail on a decent-sized group of high school girls? All at once? With a good amount of cussing? And left at least three in tears? In the school cafeteria with tons of people watching? [[RefugeInAudacity And get away with it?]] * Real-life: This troper knows a cute girl, not 5'5, who's a complete genius and speaks three languages. She's also an expert in karate and

gymnastics and could easily kill someone twice her size. * [[@/{{Kaizykat}} This Troper]] has always been short but very heavily built. By the time she was eight she could take down her father (Who is 5'11" and does manual labor). She remembers one episode when she was three when she hit her father so hard she gave him a massive bloody nose. Another time, when she was older, she ''dragged him around the house by his foot'' (Keep in mind that the house was carpeted). She couldn't have been older than six or seven that time. * This Troper's little sister is well known for embodying this trope,the first sign being when she was about three or four and easily picked up a heavy concrete slab. At primary school she was feared by every boy in her year because if they annoyed her she could, and did, kick their asses (her preferred tactic was picking them up, carrying them over to the nearest muddy puddle and dropping them in it. She would've been about seven or eight at the time), a reputation which has continued to this day. When she was about ten she took up doing judo after going up against a fifteen year old boy at a sports taster day and kicking his butt, and soon got to the point where she could throw our dad. Most recently she's picked up this very heavy troper with a distinct lack of effort and has given our 6"4 brother piggyback rides on a number of occasions (they both think it's funny). Said little sister is currently about 5"6 and while far from skinny, she doesn't look as strong as she is. * This Troper's english teacher is a very sweet, kind, middle aged woman who bawls when reading ''Where the Red Fern Grows.'' She also skipped a personal defense class in college to go to a Metallica concert, and has deadly aim with an assault rifle. * This troper knows a girl, 14 years old, 5' even, under 140 lbs, slim and toned. She's destroyed lockers at school by punching them, has mostly removed bullying from her school by willingly becoming the target of all bullying and beating them down in turn, and can put her fist through a cinder-block wall with ease. * [[@/DeltaOne This Troper]] knew a girl. Slim, redhead, pretty. Vicious as a snake and [[GroinAttack totally without honour]] [[EyeScream in combat]]. He once saw her make two grown men cry and three others back off apologising in a bar in Swansea. The best part? She's blind. ** She's Toph reincarnated. That's the best explanation I can come up with, and the most awesome. * This troper has a few Cute Bruiser moments. I'm not particularly cute. I'm the tall, lanky, spacey type. If you didn't know me well, you would think I'm a real prissy, girly, quiet girl. Also if I dressed a certaian way you would think i was a guy. Getting back to the point I am actually a really tomboyish and strong person. I once got revenge on my friend by taking a whip cream bottle. sticking the nozzle in his ear, squirting it(and getting some on his guitar), slapping him clean across the face, and ran for it. I also got really pissed and pushed my friend down a hill. My friends also say I have a creepy stare and scare them easily when I walk up behind them. ** I have a few moments of my own as well. I'm not really that cute, though. Either way, when people piss me off (which is pretty hard to do these days)... They'll come out with a bruised shin or arm. If

they're lucky. ** this troper weights 110 pounds and seems rather harmless but she has been known to take down her male friend, who weights at least twice as much as she does, while wrestling. * [[@/PentiumMMX2 This troper]] had a character in [[PhantasyStar Phantasy Star Online]] that was like this. Though I was using a character type typically used as a mage or a healer, I did some hacking to the character to allow her to equip any weapon in the game. The responses from people seeing a [=FOnewearl=] using a broadsword with ease made it all worth it. * This Troper is 5'1", about 110, and is quite small-boned and looks very non-threatening. She regularly threatens football players, has hit one with an umbrella when he was blocking the classroom door, breaks up fights, tells(or rather shouts at) idiotic boys to shut up(Most of whom are about 6' and 180 who could very easily throw her across the room), and has screamed at her entire study hall(Which is in the auditorium and has about a hundred kids) to sit down and shut up or she would personally beat each and everyone of them with her backpack(which weighs about fifteen pounds). They listened. * This Troper's ex-wife is 5'3", currently majoring in linguistics and philosophy, speaks four languages, practices combat sambo, has extensive knowledge of street fighting... and hangs out with headbangers whom she regularly outdrinks. * This troper is just about 5'2 and weighs about 110 pounds as well. I'm mostly quiet and a little shy, my haircut and face shape make me look roughly 4 years younger and I like to wear cute clothes. Except those thick-looking thighs aren't for nothing--I am known for being able to kick really hard. Like I gave guys in elementary school bloody noses, scared my gym classes when we played soccer and such throughout middle and high school. Now in college, I haven't been able to show this off so much, but as I make more guy friends, this will become evident fairly soon... * [[@/RTaco This Troper's]] sister fits the bill, being a foot shorter than him but consistently beating him at arm wrestling since she was 8. * This Troper was this until she hit her growth spurt, roughly 4'10" before and is now 5'6", but would regularly beat up a 6'3" 200+ pound kind-of friend of hers because he was and is a jerkass. * This troper's ex-girlfriend (5'0", 110 lbs.) was very much this (high on the list of [[{{Fetish}} reasons I was attracted to her]]). I met her when she joined guard in the marching band, and in the course of one season, her physique went from average-to-slightly-chubby to lean and well muscled, complete with Chun Li thunder thighs. Even before she looked the part, though, she was absurdly strong. After learning how to do flag work in guard (something that I understand she picked up on obnoxiously quickly), she figured out how to twirl two flags at once, something that takes mondo strength and coordination. She also regularly gave people piggyback rides (almost always people significantly larger than her) because she said it was good exercise. She later told me that she could comfortably lift a hundred pounds by the age of eight, and has always been disappointed getting massages because her back muscles are so well developed.

* I have a very badass two year old sister. If my 5 year old brother annoys her, she will hit him hard enough to make him cry. She is an absolutely adorable little girl, who always wears cute little dresses and has pink ribbons in her hair. * [[@/{{Joerc45}} This troper's]] older sister is about 5" tall and about 115 lbs, but can beat the crap out of guys twice her size. I've felt her punches, and they [[{{Understatement}} HURT!]] I remember once when we were younger she hit this one kid who was picking on her. Needless to say, he began to cry! Yikes! I felt sorry for him. * This troper remembers a small convention, where the arrogant ex of a female friend of his was attending, said female friend, her thenboyfriend and I were also there. When word had it that the ex was spreading lies about her, she turned the {{unstoppable rage}} mode on. ** She was 5'7'', about 140 lbs and slim. ** I was 6', about 300 lbs, pretty big and able to lift the back of my car (Audi 80) ** Her then-boyfriend was my height, about 180 lbs and not much "weaker" than me. ** Long story short: she dragged us both along the parking lot with us having no chance in hell to even slow her dosn. Honestly, when we reached my car, I was afraid she'd throw it aside... * [[@/{{FairyDreamer}} This troper]] has a younger sister who is chubby and adorable, but can and will kick your butt if you provoke her! When she was 6 years old, she beat up a sixth-grader who'd repeatedly harassed one of her friends and he ran away from her in tears. Another time (I think she was 8 or 9), she broke a boy's jaw because he stole her lunch for the 4th time (and no, I'm not exaggerating. She really broke his jaw). She got away with both of these incidents too. * There was a girl who sat next to me in science class during our junior year who wasn't a hair over 4'8", with adorable freckles and gorgeous Brazilian-esque facial features. She was on the track team, and when i asked her to flex, she had muscles harder than some football players i know. * [[Tropers/KatanaCat I]] am usually very sweet and nice, and will rattle on about shows and games I like for hours if nobody tells me that they got tired of hearing about all the WhatDoYouMeanItWasntMadeOnDrugs moments in ''TokyoMewMew'' or some random ''SonicTheHedgehog'' game an hour ago. I have too many [[GirlsLoveStuffedAnimals plushies]] to bother to count. My room has two origami displays in it, with things like parrots, fish, stars, hearts, bunnies, and cats. I [[GuiltyPleasure secretly]] play ''{{Kirby}}''. [[BreadEggsMilkSquick I also listen to Three Days Grace and Crush 40, and if you piss me off, you had better be very careful about how much and in what way you do. If you're not, then don't expect all of your body parts to be where nature intended]]. * This troper stands just over 155 cm, looks much younger than sixteen (her actual age) and is not even especially physically fit, but one particular {{Jerkass}} was unpleasantly surprised by just how hard she can punch when his hands went where they shouldn't have been. ** Unfortunately this backfires every time on [[StalkerWithACrush another acquaintance]], as he is basically two hundred pounds of

solidness. Damn it. * This troper has her own Cute Brusier moments, most of them consisting of throwing random items at bullies. One gained a black eye because of her infamous school shoes of doom, and one experienced an accidental groin attack because he wouldn't sit still when the troper aimed (and fired) for his head. And those are just the memorable ones. * This troper knew one, He was short, cute and blond, and did boxing, and was exceedingly popular with girls, not to mention being strong and a good fighter, unfortunately, he was a bit of a git, and a bully, and then found out when he attacked me that a very large tough guy tends to beat a very small one. * A friend of mine who plays goalie on my soccer team fits this perfectly. She's about 5'4" and slim, and she's very pretty and dresses in a girly way when she's not in her soccer uniform. On the field, she will totally wail on anyone who gets within a few feet of her when she has the ball, usually knocking over a few people per game. Apparently she's given at least three people bloody noses and broke some poor girl's leg last year. The best part? She's a goalie, so she doesn't even get penalized. ---Hello, my pretty-ack! Alright, alright! I'll go back to CuteBruiser, just PUT ME DOWN!. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CuteClumsyGirl * Wow, to think that ''[[SpearCounterpart I'd]]'' have to launch this page? @/{{SpiriTsunami}} is a ''male'' {{Dojikko}}. A list will follow. ** Common exploits include: *** Dropping things for no apparent reason--usually ''[[EroticEating food]]''. *** Not realizing that a ramp is starting and thereby hitting the ground too hard because I expected ground where there was air. *** Not realizing that a staircase is ''ending'' and thereby hitting the ground too hard because I expected ''air'' where there was ''ground''. *** Banging into doors because I tried to push when I should've pulled or vice versa. *** Banging into doors because I didn't turn the knob all the way and the door is still shut. *** Smashing myself with doors by pushing so hard that they reach the limits of how far they can open and come back at me. *** ''Stumbling through'' doorways because my weight is being put on it under the expectation that the hinge is on the other side. ** Isolated occurences include: *** Walking into a screen door that I ''[[FailedASpotCheck just didn't see]]''. *** Tearing off a belt loop in an attempt to keep my pants up. (Note to self: yes, the belt ''has'' been reappropriated as a ''female'' fashion accessory, but with my lack of a waistline, appearances have

to be secondary to practicality.) *** ''Breaking a glass with my teeth.'' I ''wish'' I were making that up. Luckily it was a nice even break, one major piece and a few particles that were too small to have a jagged edge, and I didn't draw any blood. **** Are you [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} me]]? * [[@/ThirtyTwoFootsteps This troper]]'s sister still tops everyone he has ever seen. She's fallen and missed the floor (no, she did not [[HitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy learn to fly]] due to this), and has somehow caught her head in a car door multiple times. There was the one memorable instance where she went to carry a bowl of homemade blueberry pudding over a carpeted area, despite all pleas to the contrary. She even said, [[TemptingFate "It's not that far; it's not like I trip over everything."]] She didn't even make it two feet before tripping and spilling half of it on the carpet. She inherited this from our mother, who is never asked to bring a drink with her from the kitchen for very good reason. * This troper, minus the cute (at least in my eyes). I'm known for falling down and popping back up with an "I'm OK!" at least twice a day, I've ran into glass doors, I've tripped over my own feet or tripped others with my feet by accident... * Present! Minus the cute angle. This troper tops [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Bella Swann]] in terms of sheer clumsiness. I've hit golf balls thirty feet and hit somebody (this was playing mini-golf), I trip over things, I drop stuff, I recently attempted to get off a boat onto the dock, the boat floated backwards, and one foot went very far down while forward momentum propelled my torso onto the dock, with the end result of several scrapes and a three-inch-diameter circular bruise on my thigh. I've also go three successive weeks in a fencing class where I either fall over or drop the sword ''at least'' once per week. Said tendency is made worse because I insist on doing things such as tree climbing, sitting on anything ''but'' the chairs, and so forth, [[TooDumbToLive whenever possible]]. * This troper has numerously run into both glass ''and'' screen doors, had a printer fall onto her face ((Seriously)), and on the very last school day, decided to run across the street, in the rain, wearing flip-flops...which caused her to face-plant into the cement. * Somehow, I've managed to hit the ceiling fan multiple times, despite living in the same house for years. Given that I'm 6'6", the prospect of multiple trips to sickbay with concussions and whacked shins was why I went for the Army instead of the Navy. * [[@/{{Orihime}} This Troper]] always trips over things, drops stuff, has sprained her left ankle at least ''twice'' seriously (and now it constantly hurts a bit), and often has dark bruises all over that she can't remember when or where she got them from bumping on tables or chairs. * This troper is at personal odds with gravity. (I've dumped him twice, but he's very...clingy.) And the forces of physics in general. I drop things covered in glue, trip over hydrogen atoms, bang into things that don't exist, and I can't remember the last time I walked down a public bus without stumbling. Just look at my last soccer match--I fell over seventeen times ''in the first half''. The amount

of falls executed by the rest of the players on the field during the entire game came to about five. At this point in time, I have no less than four unhealed scrapes on various parts of my knees, and am so used to falling over, I can literally bounce straight back up with a happy grin on my face while my legs slowly start to drip with blood. I have no idea if it makes me cute, but it tends to get a giggle out of the crowd, so at least I ain't hurting anyone. * This troper doesn't think she has the cute part down but the clumsy part hell yeah! I constantly trip over thin air, drop things, break things, bash into people, stagger about, there have been a few memorable ones though such as: ** Slipping off of a couch and biting through my bottom lip ** Trapping my finger in a car door, another hospital visit ** Falling off of a flower border and spraining my wrist ** Knocking a can of coke off of the counter at work which then exploded all over me and a lot of cakes ** Dropping a tray of drink cans at work which then exploded everywhere *** I am very surprised that I have survived this long without breaking any bones, however it does mean i am pretty much constantly bruised * This troper is dyspraxic, and thus ends up walking into things, as well as dropping things, tripping, and so forth. This has given this troper a rather blase attitude towards injuries, to the point of skinning his palm entirely after a fall and shrugging it off even while people fussed over it. ** Another dyspraxic (but female) troper here. Ditto all of the above, including the "Huh when did that bruise/cut happen". Also I'm so used to apologising for bumping into others that I say sorry even when it wasn't my fault... or when I've walked into a lamppost not a person. * This troper has expected stairs where there were none and ended up running into walls at school... multiple times, including the last day of freshman year. She has also smashed a finger in a garage door, literally run (down a hill with her eyes closed) into a telephone pole, frequently smashed hands into doorways while walking through them, jammed a thumb on herself, whacked a metal spoon she was holding between her teeth, tripped over nothing, ran a hand into the corner of a fire extinguisher box (very pointy) while carrying plywood, and lots of accidental self-whacking. This troper also has also crashed a bike, requiring 21 stitches, which was separate from the time she biked into a wall. * [[@/InvertedTritone This Troper]] has fallen ''up'' stairs, down stairs, off her bike, had her bike fall on her (multiple times), twisted her ankle running across a football field, tripped over the dust in the air, knocked too many drinks over to count, dropped glasses and had them explode, fallen out of bed, fallen in the rain, gotten tangled up in her own legs while marching, and regularly finds new random bruises she doesn't remember getting. Oh, and once she ran into a bed every time she walked by it. Every time. * A friend of This Troper fits this perfectly. Hell, she once even managed to fall over while lying down. At one point, she was surprised that it had been 2 days since she'd fallen over. I bet her $10 she

couldn't make it to the end of the week. She accepts, then trips over her own feet. * Male version here. I tend to drop things after holding them in my hands for just some short time. Sometimes I try to open doors, only to discover I: ** Didn't push hard enough. Cue door not opening and me hitting it. ** Tried opening it the wrong way. Door won't budge. ** Didn't press down/turn the door handle/knob far enough. Door won't budge. Also sometimes happens with locked doors. ** Open a door, but push too hard. Door swings open, and in one memorable occasion the handle went through the (cubicle) wall the door banged against (now there's a metal plate). ** Go through door, but hit door as I didn't push it hard enough and it closes. ** Successfully manage to pass door, but get my clothes caught on door knob/handle. Cue "GLURK!" as I suddenly and shockingly discover this and almost fall. * [[@/{{Usagi}} This troper]], of course minus the "cute" part, at least in her eyes. She really can't post any examples, because this sort of thing has become routine for her. Being a total ButtMonkey probably helps. * [[@/{{chitoryu12}} This troper's]] girlfriend, full-throttle. There have been some comparisons to Bella from ''Twilight'', as she's almost always finding new ways to hurt herself. If she sees a ledge, chances are she'll jump up and start walking along it, even the outer wall of the Castillo de San Marcos in St. Augustine, which is the only thing between the tourists and the bay. There's even a picture of her standing on a ledge, mouth wide open in delight, and her arms out by her side, while this troper is standing below her with his arms out to catch her. She once managed to pull the power cord of a vacuum cleaner out the wall so hard that it bloodied her nose. * This troper has fallen up stairs, down stairs, slipped on ice after talking about how she was good on ice, dropped and shattered glases, including once on her ''foot'', broken her laptop numerous times despite it being from a line that's known for being very tough, broken her DS within a week of getting it while doing nothing wrong, tripped on her skirt, tripped on flat ground, tripped on her own feet, ran into walls, walked into walls, hit herself in the head with a GameBoyAdvance, cut herself on a CD, cut herself on window blinds while cleaning them, cut herself on her own fingernail on accident, gotten bleach in her eye, gotten bug spray into her eye, slid into a ditch while trying to avoid a speeding ambulance on a country road while driving and took out a mailbox, scarred her knees while climbing out of her mother's truck, hurt her foot playing DDR, and accidentally misnamed numerous pokemon AAAAAAAAAA due to finger slips. This troper regularly discovers bruises and cuts on her arms and legs that she does not remember getting (and no comments about how random bruising is a sign of disease; random cuts are not). This (relatively neurotypical) troper is actually klutzier than her friend who has ''cerebral palsy.'' * This Troper supposes she's one, though she doesn't think the cute bit applies. She guesses she probably just has no common sense -

things that are blindingly obvious are left out of things, she stumbles over basic tasks, and then there's the physically clumsy like filling a mug up to the top and trying to bring it from the kitchen to the living room - which includes plenty of baby steps and shaky hands. Falling down stairs, hitting her head, dropping things, trapping her finger in a car door, bashing into people, leaving things open, etc. She's also left her memory stick (and other items) behind so often she actually lost it - then got a new one, which ended up lost outside and dented, possibly by ''passing cars''. It's just annoying now, and any cute it could have had is lost by her reaction to these things - which is anger and protests of the "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to forget!" kind (and her general [[{{Tsundere}} reaction to most things in public anyway,]] [[TheStoic meaning she isn't cute anyway -]] [[TheQuietOne mild annoyance and mild everything pretty much]]). * This troper's best friend is one. She got hit by a PARKED car... and tripped over a line. Oh, and she tripped over a rock the size of an ice cube, fell on it, and shattered her elbow. *facepalm* * This troper was in a caf the other day when a waitress dropped a fork onto the floor. The said waitress happens to be quite little, cute-looking and Japanese (all the staff wear name badges), so perhaps this would count as {{Dojikko}}-ness... * Totally this troper. My friends wonder how I even managed to survive in this world. No matter how I screw something up or injure myself, I always seem to spring back up with a smile on my face. * While [[@/ROFLopadous This Troper]] doesn't want to call herself cute, she is however quite clumsy. Her laundry list of clumsy moments include falling out of her own chair, running into a parked car, taking out a chunk of her finger once while cutting open a bag of pickles at work, walked into a door, nearly taking down a clothing display while shopping, and the topper is somehow knocking off her own cap while walking to get her degree this past week at college graduation. * This troper's main method of coming out of her room recently seems to be falling into the wall directly across from the door. * Subverted, this troper is a wiry sort of guy who never learned to care about falling over due to being MadeOfIron. As such, he terrifies onlookers by falling over, tripping on things, striking things while gesturing and once [[BeyondTheImpossible getting hit by an SUV]] and nonchalantly walking away. The really strange bit is that I really could stop but [[ForTheFunnyz just never bring myself to.]] * [[Tropers/ThisIsATest I]] knew a girl for a year, but never dared approach her out of [[ShrinkingViolet shyness]]. Then I saw her cursing under her breath while fumbling with an oversized portfolio, and shortly afterwards, we became friends. * I know one girl at School who is cute as a button and trips over everything * Mild case with this Troper minus the cute (I've seen dustbins cuter than I am). One time I was emptying the dish washer, and put the chopsticks into a container for spatulas, wooden spoons, etc. And last year at Band Festival, I walked right into a pillar (though my bassoon saved me from any direct contact).

* This troper has a friend who becomes hyperactive from the smallest amount of suger (due to a allergy) and lousy co-ordination on par with somebody suffering an inner ear infection. Let me repeat: a clumsy girl on hair-trigger hyperactivity. {{Hilarity Ensues}}. * The girl this troper likes at school... Don't judge me... *Shoots* * I am amazingly clumsy-I fell up the stairs, fall over things, walk into doors, fall over my own feet, break nails, slip over on mud and look like ive pooped myself...anything I can possibly fall over or have an accident with. * This troper knows a girl who is so clumsy she once cut herself on bread. She is thoroughly adorable. * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]] is a [[GenderFlip male version]] of this. Just this week, he has knocked over 5 glasses of water, hit his foot against a wall and tripped, and hit his hand on a ceiling fan when he was stretching. Another recent, more serious case of injury in part of said clumsiness occured about a month ago when he was walking down the street one day and tripped on a sharp metal object, leading to severe bruising in one leg and profuse bleeding in the other. * This Troper's wife pretty clearly falls under this trope. She constantly gets bruises from bumping into our bed, somehow missing that she's next to it or something. She's also been known to trip over her own two feet and will usually fall over with a rather cute cry of dismay. * [[{{Tropers/Zanreo}} This Troper]] is pretty clumsy. At least 3-4 times a year, she'll suddenly drop a knife or fork when eating, and spill her drink double as many times. She's also prone to hitting the space between her toes - anyone who's done that will know how painful it is. * This troper regularly trips over her own feet, the cat, and -air-. Also, this troper has been known to fall -up- a flight of stairs. This has happened more than once. She's very good with sharp objects, but anything else is a crapshoot. * This troper has a variety of unbelievably clumsy Japanese teachers one has a routine habit of accidentally launching whiteboard pens across the room, she also drops stacks of handouts, bumps into walls and corners, and manages to walk into/elbow pretty much every piece of furniture in the classroom. A case of {{Dojikko}} as everyone I know adores her. Another of my teachers was once walking backwards while talking - she stumbled on NOTHING, fell over, smashed her elbows on the tables on either side, and then hurriedly got up and apologised as if she'd somehow inconvenienced or offended us. Got to love that Japanese spirit. * I've always resembled Linda Ronstadt so you can take from that your own judgements as to whether you think I should be "cute" or not, but one thing I certainly am is "clumsy"! (And I'm also a girl, but, well, this is a given.) I used to trip and fall so many times I came to realize that I preferred hydrogen peroxide over rubbing alcohol in the post-washing up treatment of my cuts and scrapes. I've twisted my ankles an innumerable amount of times. I can trip even when there's nothing on the floor or ground. I've got a terrible case of butter fingers and have broken several dishes in the kitchen as a result. There is nothing elegant and graceful about me. I am simply clumsy.

* This troper and her mum fit this trope perfectly. dishes,glasses,mugs,etc don't last long in our kitchen and we're never asked to pour hot water or carry delicate stuff. This tropers finds new cuts and bruises on every shower and she's grown so used to it she doesn't even question it. She routinely falls,trips,crashes against stufff,like doors and walls and posts and trees that have been there for years, and while she finds frameless glassess cute, after crashing against the kitche door and breaking them, not so much. as a result, this troper's body is full of scars,her left wrist hurts often due to an unttended injury and her left ankle hurts often due especially when running due to several twists over the year, while falling and climbing and running. * [[Tropers/ElodieHiras I]] am not a cute clumsy girl, but a cute clumsy boy. Yet, my father and my friends finds it cute and laughable. My exploits so far: ** Often dropping stuff I hold. ** Often pushing a door that needs to be pulled and vice versa. ** Often put some of my drinks on my clothes. ** The same for Ice Cream and yogurt. ** Often forgetting a staircase ending, hitting the ground when expecting air and vice versa. ** Cutting myself with Papercut a playing card (I believe it was an ace). ** I once ran into a screen wall outside my university classroom while talking on the phone. ** Slipping in a staircase. ** Walking into cables coming out of my computer (mouse, headphones...). ** Banging my toes against furniture. Ouch. ** Accidentally hitting my own [[GroinAttack gonads]], sometimes with an item, sometimes with my bare hands... * How this Troper keeps her job as a busser at a pizza restaurant/bar is a mystery. Sure, everyone who works there has dropped and broken the odd pint glass. But A WHOLE RACK FULL OF THEM? And let's not even count the times I've run head-on into one of the wait staff because I couldn't get out of the way fast enough. ---[[Main/{{CuteClumsyGirl}} *crash* Whoops!]] Sorry 'bout that! <<|TroperTales|>>

CuteLittleFangs * [[@/TheStupidExclamationMark This Troper]] has a canine and a front tooth in his upper jaw that are placed higher and a little bit more to the front than his other front teeth. As a result, when he smiles, they tend to protrude slightly over his lower lip, giving [[CuteLittleFangs the effect]]. ** @/{{Excel-2009}}. I have the same kind of fangs. One of my old school [=IDs=] shows one of them off prominently. ** Third troper with these fangs. I'm sorta frustrated about two things - the lack of symmetry (because two canines would be just

better) and they have, on occasion, interfered with my ability to drink out of a cup. Dribbles ensued. * This troper makes fun of her brother for having these. He eventually got them filed down to look normal. * [[@/{{Nomic}} This troper]] has these. Altho "cute" might not be the right word. Most people find them creepy, and when he's in a con or other situation that involves people cosplaying, people tend to comment on his "realistic-looking vampire fangs". * I've got slightly oversized upper Fangs. My GF likes them though, so I'm not changing them. * This troper has noticable canines. Unfortunately, they aren't long enough to be fangs. * This troper is so proud of her slightly fang-like, sharp canine teeth that she refused to get braces out of fear that modification to said teeth would be part of the equation. Luckily, they are short enough not to be apparent when her mouth is closed. * This troper is a lopsided freak. She has one upraised, prominent canine, (friends call it the 'werewolf tooth,') and one fairly normal one. * [[@/PurplePantherGirl This troper]] has these, but they don't protrude. They make excellant weapons though. * [[@/{{Rainbow}} This troper's]] cousin has oddly sharp canines, which is interesting because my cousin likes vampires. My Pomeranian's teeth look like this when she opens her mouth, like when she's playing or barking. Although in the case of the dog, it's not as cute when she accidentally bites me while playing. * This troper's little sister. We're too poor for braces, but she looks cute with 'em anyway. * This troper has quite prominent fangs, which coupled with his dislike of direct sunlight (sensitive eyes), and dislike of garlic, earned him some interesting nicknames in primary school. His brother has even more pronounced canines. * This troper had an injury that forced one of his lateral incisors (face teeth next to the canines) up. When he had braces it was dangerous to move the injured tooth so the other was moved up to look normal. Now the canines appear more pronounced. * This troper's old music teacher and a girl in this troper's class have these. * [[@/{{Kuzlalala}} This Troper]]'s friend used to have a boyfriend because of this. * This troper's sister has fangs, and doesn't like other people drawing attention to them. This doesn't stop her from casually threatening to use them. * This troper has two legendarily sharp, fang-like lower canines. The comparative flatness of his eye teeth has made him wonder numerous times if this was normal, and if people would look at him funny if he wore similar-sized "upper fangs" over them. * [[@/SoWeAteThem I]] know somebody from college who, due apparently to a botched dentistry job, had yaeba. Her friends and I would not stop cheering about this for another ten minutes. * [[@/StongRadd This Troper]] has them, but they're not obvious...yet. My buck teeth are too in the way.

* This troper and her mother both have extremely pointy canines that stick out a little bit, enough to notice when smiling. A graduation portrait of her really shows them off. * There's at least one {{Metalocalypse}} fanartist who likes to give Nathan Explosion a single tiny fang. As far as I know, she's never explained why. My hypotheses are that it's a cute trait that doesn't detract from his masculinity, that the slightly feral effect works well with the rest of his appearance and personality, or that Mr. Explosion is secretly a half-orc. * This troper doesn't have fangs per say, but one of his bottom teeth (which is a bit bigger than the others) is opposite another one on the top which is also slightly larger than the others. Add the fact that his smile looks unnatural (not Slasher Smile style, but more like an inhuman smile) and you understand why he never does an open mouth smile unless forced to. Luckily, it isn't particularly obvious with his mouth closed. * My Lhaspa Apsa, Chewi has this in reverse, he has an adorable pair of snagle teeth. * On my right side only, one of my Canine teeth is this, as it was forced upwards when my teeth were growing in. ** Are you me? Cos I have exactly the same. It grows higher up in the gum than the others, and I use to open juiceboxes when I can't find the straw. * [[@/KatanaCat This Troper]] has these, and is happy about showing them off. Her two front teeth (in her upper jaw only) are also rather long, but she doesn't this nearly as much, as the one on the right is the same length as the fang next to it, and the one on the left is slightly longer (and it makes her fangs appear shorter than they are by comparison). If she showed pictures/videos of herself talking or grinning, she would likely get called "Rattata-teeth" by the other members of the Poke-fanclub on DeviantART. Needless to say, those fangs are not very fun to have if she bites her tongue... * This troper has some, but his crooked teeth (which for some reason no dentist has ever reccommened an orthadontist for) take focus away from them. * This troper, though it doesn't quite fit the archetype, used to have a cute little fang in the form of a single canine-like tooth smack dab in the middle of her upper incisors. I had it removed when in the second grade because of incessant teasing, but now I wish I'd kept it, though the dentist did say it probably would've fallen out eventually. I did technically keep it, though, wrapped in cotton in a little envelope on a bookshelf. * [[@/UltimateChimera This troper]] used to have them as a child, until she got braces. This startled several of her friends when she showed them an old photo. A friend of hers has yaeba. * Me and my brother both have slightly fang-ish teeth. * This troper, all canines were notably pronounced until the dentist ground down the lower set. * For some reason, all but one of my canines are pointy and notably pronounced. The remaining one, for whatever reason, looks like an incisor. * This troper's baby canines never came out, and the permanent canines

ended up growing behind them, producing this effect, particularly when she smiles. * Going by the description and various examples, this troper can't quite tell if he has these or the opposite. My canines are more forward positioned and angled a little weird, but they sit higher up than the rest of my teeth, so they don't really stick out or anything. ** [[@/{{Amethystasheryn}} I'm]] the same. It's not noticeable most of the time, but they're prominent enough that my brother has called them vampire fangs when I smile widely enough to show teeth. * [[{{Tropers/DSFARGEG}} This troper]] has them on top and bottom teeth, the upper ones also stick out slightly due to having grown in over the first tooth there, while all my other teeth are unusually sharp to a degree. I sometimes wish they were more obvious. ---Take a bite out of those adorably CuteLittleFangs here. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CutenessOverload * [[TwoWordsObviousTrope Four words:]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOV18WKNtgI&feature=feedlik Three. Week. Old. Bunnies.]] ** [[http://www.idolmaster-anime.jp/illust/index.html This picture of]] [[TheIdolmaster Yayoi]] (the one with the orange pigtails). ** Two more words: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNSxargsAWk Baby elephants.]]

CutenessProximity * A metal festival. A trip to the city. A little homeless kitty sitting on a car. Cue the whole dark, satanistic, gloomily gothic clique going "AWWW IT'S SO CUUUUUTE LET'S TAKE IT HOME KITTY KITTY COME HERE TEE HEE". * A cute, homeless cat. In my doorstep. Meowing cutely. Cue [[@/{{Darkangelsv1}} me]] ''crawling and "meowing" back'' over to said cat. It ran away, sadly. * This Troper + puppies/kittens = ''Mental'' "KEETEE!KEETEE!DEH TIENEE WIDDLE KEETEE!KEETEE!/PUHPEE!PUHPEE!DEH KEYOOTE IDDYBIDDY PUHPEE!PUHPEE!" (After all, you don't want to scare them, do you?) * This troper is generally a bit of a misery who takes things too seriously. Add a dog however and this trope occurs. If I'm walking down the street and I see an unattended dog, nine times out of ten there's a mental cry of 'doggy!' (or 'dog-dog', or just plain 'awww')and I automatically start going towards them with my hands going into ear scratching mode. ** There's a good chance that this could be genetic. This troper has seen their sister be completely derailed mid-rant by a pug appearing on tv and their brother goes misty eyed at the sight of puppies and dogs. He and this troper once watched a program called Dog Rescue and

had a contest to see who could go the longest without going into 'Aw' mode. Their brother didn't make it past the intro. * Show [[@/{{Midna}} me]] an image of [[AzumangaDaioh Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga]] and see how long it takes for me to let loose a "{{squee}}!" and start gushing about her big cute [[{{Tareme}} droopy]] eyes, her [[{{Pettanko}} adorably flat chest]], her puffy, plump cheeks, or any other attractive feature I can find on her body, up to and including her clavicles. PerverseSexualLust? Oh yeah. (Of course, cuteness is more than skin deep, but still!) ** Alternatively, show me a picture of [[PanelDePon Lip]] for an equally-sized geyser of {{squee}}. ** Or you could show [[Tropers/SilverMoonDance me]] a picture of [[MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic Fluttershy]] for a similar reaction. * This troper's sister goes into a state of brain-melting {{Squee}}gasm at the mere ''mention'' of dogs. It's quite annoying. * [[@/{{Seanette}} This troper]] has no ability to NOT go into goosh mode when confronted with a dog, cat, baby, or small child. Some other animals even get the goosh reaction, such as squirrels. * This troper, especially with babies and kittens. Regular old cats and some smaller breeds of dogs too. * This troper has this out the wazoo for animals, but she's indifferent to babies and can't stand small children. Present her with her fiance's baby nephew, however, and her brain melts. * How could you look at a puppy or kitten without the squeeing? ** Similarly, this troper is somewhat uncomfortable with small children and actively dislikes babies, but loves animals, particularly cats, and makes the most ridiculous noises out loud on seeing them. ** Thirded; this troper doesn't like being around kids/babies, but show her a budgie (or a ''picture'' of one) and this is the result. * Babies can be included here as well. This troper once visited a couple who had a great-spirited baby girl of 6 months who would laugh SO on-cue, you'd think she was a comedian prodigy. The troper's mother leaned forward and cooed, and the baby.... DID THE SAME THING. Repeatedly. * This troper is wont to literally drop everything when noticing a cat, often accompanied by "Kitty!" This is why he doesn't drive. * This troper, normally pretty calm and reserved, devolves into babytalk and gushing when referring to or interacting with her ferrets ("the squishies"). * This troper goes nuts whenever Baby!Al appears in FullmetalAlchemist, due to having a soft spot for the character and the fact he was always such a sweetie. * [[@/DarkInsanity13 This troper]] likes cats. It takes all her willpower to maintain her cool, cynical and apathetic facade in front of her friends whenever she sees one in the street and not go up to it to try and pet it. She also [[NotGoodWithPeople doesn't mind other animals]], but prefers cats. * I have a feeling that I could be considered an EmoTeen, and often think, that the world is overrun with "emotionless monotone factory puppets", but I often gush over my pets and use baby talk with them, I also will always run for my dog when it sounds like she's in pain. * All of [[@/GwenStacyWannabe my]] friends' animals love me, because

they know that when I come over they get tons of attention. This is sometimes a teeny bit awkward, because [[ShrinkingViolet I never show that kind of attention to people]]. * [[@/JuiceBoxHero This troper]] is definitely ''not'' an EmotionlessGirl, but rather a HotBlooded GenkiGirl with a side ordering of [[LargeHam ham.]] Still, a lot of my energy is directed into being aggressive or competitive or [[TestosteronePoisoning manry.]] This troper ''also'' goes into a quivering coma whenever she encounters puppies, kittens, mice, baby animals of any sort, cats, romantic things, and hedgehogs. However, this troper is not very fond of children at all, though her feelings towards them are of apathy rather than [[ChildHater outright hate.]] * This Troper has a speech coach who can be a bit unapproachable and grouchy (on a bad day, she seems to hate everyone and everything). However, put a baby near her, and... * This troper can becoe like this when he is in the company of cats... and tortoises. * This troper, whenever she walks into the laundry room immediately begins gushing at her 'boys'. The three male cats who are not allowed anywhere else in the house because they spray (and their fixed, ***! I got all of you boys fixed so you could hang out in my room, but you won't give up!) Her female cat gets no such talk, only the boys. Of course, I don't baby talk I just talk in a normal voice about how they're great and I love them while they swarm around me for pets. The only one who gets any kind of baby talk is the cat who adopted me, Midnight. I call him 'Babyyyy!' often in a baby voice. * [[@/AcrossTheStars This troper]] has an involuntary [[{{Squee}} Squeegasm]] around various little creatures, including but not limited to: hamsters, squirrels, hedgehogs, kittens, puppies, mice, ferrets, rabbits, and guinea pigs. * [[@/{{Griffinguy24}} This troper]] is secure enough in his masculinity that he will unabashedly do this. However, having a [[FriendToAllLivingThings soft spot for animals]], he's not limited to the standard "cute things". Among the things gushed over: [[ReptilesAreAbhorrent boa constrictors, corn snakes, iguanas, baby alligators]], [[BatOutOfHell Egyptian fruit bats]], [[OwlBeDamned pissed off great-horned owls]], [[FeatheredFiend kestrels, turkey vultures]], [[WhatMeasureIsANonCute hyenas, baboons, Tasmanian devils, tapirs, and, in general, many many animals that no one would consider cute]]. It has gotten this troper some weird looks, I'll tell you. ** This female troper does that, too. Fruit bats have the cutest widdle faces! ** If you take out the birds (not really a fan), I'm pretty much like that too. I don't get superbubbly, but animals make me very close to that. * [[@/{{Leradny}} This troper]] is quite fond of dogs and giggles whenever she plays with her own. She didn't even know she was doing it till her sister pointed it out. With other dogs, particularly large ones, she is wont to say "You're such a handsome man/pretty lady, aren't you? YESYOUARE! *giggle*" Partly because large dogs can't really be described as cute, and partly because she thinks the awkward stares people give her are hilarious.

** It depends on the large dog. The fluffier-coated ones can definitely be...this troper once lived with a collie who looked like a living cartoon. * [[@/{{Momonga}} This troper]] loves all the animals most people think are cute, but has an especially soft spot for [[EekAMouse rodents]]. Mice, rats, squirrels, gerbils, chinchillas, viscachas, sugar gliders, capybaras, all of 'em. Ironically, the rodent she finds least cute is the hamster. Human babies do not activate the "cute instinct" at all. The mere mention of a rodent, however, will elicit an "awwww!" (pitch rising steadily until it reaches dog-whistle level). She's [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes terrified of snakes]], but would never hurt one, her reasoning being that if everyone who found ''her'' creepy killed her, she'd probably have gone through a whole bunch of reincarnations by now. ** I think I might be a little bit in love with you. * This troper is very likely to experience a drop of intelligence whenever a dog is around. Any dog will do, even one that looks like the recently-deceased [[UglyCute ugliest dog in the world.]] * This troper lives in a neighborhood full of dogs. Cue total idiocy. Big dogs get "[=OOooz'e=] a big handsum boy/pwetty lady den!", little dogs get incoherent squeaking and "oogie booie boo"-ing, cats get "heeeeere, kitty kitty kitty, kssksskss" and "aren't you just ''lovely'', yes you are". Which can make for some entertaining reactions considering this troper's [[{{Goth}} preferred mode of dress]]. ** Of course, this troper ''also'' thinks baby [[NightmareFetishist sharks, snakes, and other such absurdly dangerous things]] are cute too. Go Figure. * One of this troper's biggest pet peeves is how nearly everyone finds it necessary to raise their voice three octaves when talking to a baby. ''Much'' worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. (Which the troper is actually not bothered by at all.) * This troper has a big weakness for dogs, and an even bigger one for foxes. Mere pictures of foxes, including fictional creatures that resemble them (I'm looking at you, [[{{Pokemon}} Eevee and Vulpix]]) can send him into fits of cuteness overload. * [[@/FyreNWater This troper]] loses all ability to hold normal conversations when within visual range of a cat or a puppy. Even more extreme, [[MemeticMutation her brain explodes into candy]] when she sees corgis and Scottish fold kittens. * This Troper's mother is a BadAss, {{Tsundere}} ActionMom; all the neighbors and local politicans seem to be afraid of her. However, said mother goes all "awww, who's the ickle darling..." whenever she sees some of the following (even a picture is enough): Chinchillas, hamsters, cats, or WALL-E. * This trop - oh LOOK, A PUPPY! * [[@/PikaHikariKT This troper]] is in an Animal Care class for this very reason (Her internship is helping with the cats waiting to be adopted at Petsmart. KITTY KITTY!). She just wishes she had her own pet, though -- aside from her grandparents' Golden Retriever (which recently died), the landlord gave the thumbs down when she went to an animal shelter for a kitty. The ten year old troper was crushed.:(

* This troper has a severe weakness for cats to the point that he's the {{XKCD}} strip incarnate, often stopping to say hello if he sees a cat walking down the street. * @/UnitOmega owns a very cute looking kitty, who's moods vary from "If you touch me I will smack you" to "Meh, you ''may'' pet me". No matter the cat's attitude, he feels the need to pet, pick up, hug, etc. almost anytime he enters the same room as her and she's lounging around. And then probably a couple times more, for good measure. Occasionally I even add in the cliched "KITTY!" or "CUTE!". The aforementioned {{XKCD}} is really very true, if you like cats. * @/DesertDragon is like this with turtles. Even in the rare instance that he plays up the ScaryBlackMan image, it will completely dissolve when he's in the presence of a shelled reptile. Puppies and kitties are cute too, but turtles' cuteness isn't limited by age (even though they're ''adorable'' as hatchlings). His Troll Shaman in ''WorldOfWarcraft'' did the Children's Week quests for the sole reason of getting Speedy as a non-combat pet. ** You too? Well, [[@/{{SAMAS}} This Troper]] doesn't play WoW, but he's pretty much the same way. Also around small children. * Bring in a puppy or kitten anywhere near where I'm staying for a while for whatever reason, and watch me keep coming back to it. Usually with an "AW LOOK IT'S A PUPPY!". I don't care if you think I'm less manly for it. I'll gladly trade man-points for another chance to pet that soft fur and look at those adorable puppy eyes and um... yeah. Fortunately, I also have a fairly cute dog at home, and I end up facing the uncontrollable urge to pet her whenever I lay eyes on her. * Having a dog or other small fuzzy animal in the area is a surefire way to derail even the most serious discussion that @/{{Katsuhagi}} is having, which makes the cracking of her {{Unfunny}} demeanor even more hilarious. * I like KITTIES! *huggles kitty*. I am also an personality-wise abnormal 14 year old boy. * [[@/KingSonnDeeDoo This Troper]] will almost always yell "Kitty!" when she sees a cat, before going to pet it. Also, upon seeing kittens, puppies, or other baby animals/pictures of them (except humans, she can't ''stand'' those), said troper will gasp loudly, and suffer what she likes to call 'intellectual failure'. And then she'll probably hug something. * [[@/{{Muselette}} This troper's]] usual response to seeing a cat is to give a genuine {{Squee}} of "Kitty!" and drop whatever she's doing to go pet it. This only happens with cats, however, as this troper was rather frightened of dogs for a long time after being attacked by a Chow Chow as a child. * This troper absolutely loves babies, and will audibly go, "Aww! He/She's so cute!" to every small child, of course I try not to kiss and hug them since that would be creepy. * This Troper's girlfriend is allergic to cats. And yet, whenever she's near a particularly fluffy one, *snuggle* -->'''Troper's Girlfriend''': I can't help it! They're so poofy! * This troper's mother. She'll start {{Squee}}ing and grinning and generally acting like her IQ had dropped 20 points all of a sudden. Troper herself is a DeadpanSnarker JerkAss, so she'll do her best to

keep her mother away from their two cats as much as possible. Or run away. * This troper is usually very calm and polite and prefers either sitting in corners and drawing or lurking in the shadows to be creepy, to being with people (except very close friends). It quite surprises people when she bursts out squeeing over any of the following: cats, birds, foxes, snakes, squirrels, mice, [[CuteShotaroBoy shota characters]], fluffy moments in manga/fanfics/etc., and {{Yandere}} characters. ** ...[[BreadEggsMilkSquick Repeat that last one.]] ** This troper seconds that last one. Aww, what a cute widdle psychopath. :3 *** [[MoreThanMindControl Same here, the fact that they want to yours forever, and they have the cutest expressions. Awww...]] * Not [[@/{{Smerf}} this]] troper, but his teacher. A normally wellspoken, calm individual (and one of the hardest testers he's ever had), she breaks down into baby speak when there's an infant around. * This troper managed to get his hands on a baby fox, his mind shuts off the instant he sees him. "OH MY GOD THE TINY WIDDLE BEHBEE FOXEEE I WUB YOU SO MUCH YOU BLOOBLOOBLOO" * [[@/{{Kaizykat}} This Troper]] breaks into this whenever there is a baby animal around. She gushes so much that people ''stop to stare at her.'' Her voice also changes from a very deep female voice to the voice of a three year old. * There's a rather elderly mountain lion at the zoo I'm friends with, as much as one is ever friends with a large carnivore. When I visit her, she'll come right up to the fence to rub against it while she purrs and chatters as I talk to her. I live a good seventy miles from the zoo now, so I don't get out there as often as I used to. The last time I went to the zoo I was almost sure she'd passed on, since she'd been old and I hadn't seen her in nearly a year. But she came running up to the fence yelling at me when I walked by the cougar pen, and I don't know if it was surprise or relief or what, but the first things I said to her were "Sweetheart, hello! How've you ''been,'' pretty? Are you a nice kitty? ''Yes,'' you're a ''very'' nice kitty! Oh who's my sweet girl?" To an animal that's smaller than usual and ''still'' has teeth as long as my finger, and who would probably be pretty damned not-sweet if that fence weren't between us. ** This troper finds that adorable, and is laughing at the mental image of the expressions on the faces of all witnesses to that. * [[@/{{Lullabee}} This troper]]'s younger sister is a scruffy {{tomboy}} who acts rather cynical and often kind of grumpy. But she totally melts in the presence of ''anything'' cute. ** Does [[Tropers/{{G-Mon}} this troper]] have an alter ego that posted this while he was asleep? * This troper has found it much easier to not hate a socially accepted, frequently JerkAss HandsomeLech since seeing the stupid grin that takes over his face around a cat. Also, my friends' [[{{Squee}} squeeing]] may have permanently damaged my hearing. They've even created what can be best described as a 'sad'' squee which they voice upon seeing anything dead. Including worms and squashed snails. * This troper is usually very calm and collected. She always has a

neutral expression on her face, and has a hard time showing emotions. Unless she sees a dog, cat, or heck... any sort of animal really except for snakes and bugs. Recently, she was walking in the park with her parents, who were commenting on how she never seems fazed by anything. Cue golden retriever puppy and this troper squealing "Ohmygod, puppy! Lookit the puppy! The cute widdle puppy-wuppy! Awwwww!" for a good minute. Troper's parents couldn't stop laughing. * If you ever meet this troper in public, you'd probably think he was at least part goth, natural stern look, tall and looks rather strong, silent a lot of the time... Put me in the same room as any number of cute animals (a.k.a. Pet animals, butterflies, fruit bats, otters, some kindsa' birds) and watch said goth image go right out the window. Heck, when a substitute teacher told a horror story and revealed a gigantic wolf was stalking a little boy, the only thought running through my mind was 'Awww, PUPPY!' * This Troper was once on a fishing trip, and we had a barrel of live shrimp to use as bait. Before I would actually put the shrimp on the hook and start fishing, I would first spend a couple of minutes silently gushing over how cute it was. I find a lot of weird stuff to be cute; I kid you not, I nearly squee'd at episode four of [[SaladFingers Salad Fingers]]. Also, cats. ** Wait, it's not normal to find Salad Fingers [[TheWoobie adorable?]] I may be in trouble. *** I may also be. [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} Then again...]] * [[@/{{Orihime}} This Troper]] simply loses sight of anything in her surroundings whenever she sees a cat around. * [[@/{{Starshine}} This troper]] visited her friend once, who's cat had gotten [[{{understatement}} rather large]]. We declared him to be "Emperor Of All He Surveys, Lord of the Rug and Duke of the Surrounding Wood Floors", and felt the need to announce his full title whenever he entered the room. And then rub his belly. * If you allow a massive mutt to lie on your lap and lick your arm until you feel like it's going to come off and float away on a river of slobber while you tell him what a sweet, sweeeet puppy he is, this trope is probably in action. * This troper will express her sentiments ''very vocally'' when presented with images of: cats, dogs, horses, rats and mice, rabbits, any marsupial (especially possums), bats and other flying/gliding mammals, most birds, most aquatic mammals, several species of reptile, bovines, infant humans, and occasionally male humans. (It's more likely if they're ''drawn'' male humans.) Or cute fanart. My friends have matching earplugs. * This troper ''is'' this trope with all manner of cute animals and babies. She cuddles her cats and talks to them in baby talk, much to the annoyance her family (who will make fun of this troper by calling her [[TinyToonAdventures Elmyra]]). * This troper has been desribed as having a weakness for anything cute and fluffy. And Cats, I can't NOT go any pet cats I see. * This Troper knows an Girl. She's got the MostCommonSuperpower like there's no tomorrow, HartmanHips, epic curves, and is a semi-dwarf, only 4 foot something tall. Yesterday she sported pigtails. I tell you the truth, she was so cute I couldn't look at her boobs all night, and

frankly, [[InnocentFanserviceGirl I had tons of chances]]. * [[@/{{fidheallir}} This Troper's]]] usually [[{{DeadpanSnarker}} blunt and snarky]] housemate dissolved into a stream of incomprehensible [[BabyTalk Baby Talk]] ([[{{BilingualBonus}} in Russian and English!]]) at the sight of said troper's new baby leopard gecko. * This troper sometimes says "aww, what a cute little bird" at falcons and owls. They might be birds of prey, but they're still adorable. (This also applies to fictional ones, like [[TheMummyTrilogy Horus]] and [[HarryPotter Hedwig]].) * D'aww... Teen/adult male humans please. They have bigger eyes than children if you put your face close enough. :p * This troper is actually quite a misantrope for her age, people say. Basically discussing what most people put off for way later in every day conversations. Usually leaning on the morbid. She owns a dog, and even though he is 10 years old, when he's not around the carpet napping...aww....doggledogdog... :> *glomp* * [[@/{{Ryumaru}} This Troper]] once walked pass one of his school's Biology class displays an- oh, look, bunnies.... They're being raised as a class project. * This (male troper) and around his family's two cats. Imagine a highpitched falsetto: "Hello ''Sally!'' You're a little baby! A ''little baby!'' ''Ah Hello! Helloooo!'' What you doing? You having a sleepyweepy? ''Aw!'' You have a nice sleepy-weepy, Sal-Sal!" ...ahem. * I'm usually TheStoic, EmotionlessGirl, but whenever I see a really cute cat... "Awwwww! That's so [[BilingualBonus KAWAIIIIIIII]]!!!!!!!!" * This troper's circle of friends, and family, spend a lot of time working with cars. This troper has become somewhat known in her circle of friends for her adoration of junkyard cats, and tendency to shower them in love while her boyfriend and his friends go find parts. This troper has also been complimented on her devotion to her cat, who may have been somewhat neglected by its previous owner (through no fault of that owner's... own). Said devotion consists of such comments as "Barney baby booboo!" "He's my kitty witty biddy" "He's a kitty!" to the tune of Hallelujah, and other related comments, and much petting, cuddling, and playing. Some dogs, usually larger ones, all cats, children up to the age of 12 and sometimes older, snakes, lizards, and domesticated rodents usally get similar, but milder responses. Yes, snakes. Snakes are actually right up there under cats. * [[@/KennyMan666 This troper]], totally. BadassLongcoat? Check. DeadpanSnarker? Check. Going {{Squee}} upon seeing things like kittens or spiders? Check the [[BlasphemousBoast likes of which God has never seen]]. Yes, I find spiders extremely cute and interesting - my friend has severe arachnophobia, and I'm essentially her polar opposite in that regard. * This Troper, especially with cats and kittens. She's usually a Kuudere but around a cute little fuzzy cat... * Subverted by this troper's best friend. He's usually stoic and a little on the antisocial side, until he sees his dog and dissolves into a mess of affection. ''Then'' the dog does something stupid and my friend is back to grumbling and cursing at the dog.

* [[@/{{Robbychu}} This Troper]], while fairly chipper, is intensely shy and has a history of going into periods of hating the universe. Then she sees a puppy, kitty, birdy, turtle, [[WhatMeasureIsANonCute shark, hyena, lizard, bat,]] ect. and goes into [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny KITTY! mode]], which includes her focus going entirely to the animal in question, dragging other people to see them, and having her voice shoot up to glass-shattering range. The happiest moment of 2010 so far? The lorikeet exhibit at the zoo. Birdies! She hates squirrels, though. They steal food from the birdies. Birdybirdybirdies~ ** Above troper sounds like the female version of [[@/{{CyberXigbar}} this one]]. Well, except for the squirrels, he finds those aww~dorable too. * I have a friend who is quite a LargeHam and who, whenever she sees a dog ''anywhere'', will proceed to coo, "Puppyyyy! Puppy puppy puppy...", etc. She has two dogs at home, and, being at college, she misses them. * One time this troper's male friend was really angry, stomping around throwing things and cursing like a sailor. My other friend calmly held up a picture of a baby chinchilla. The first friend immediately halted his rampage and dissolved into "Awww! ^_^"s. I still can't believe that actually worked. * [[@/MayaTH This troper]] reacts this way to her pet hamster. The hamster is fully aware of his own cuteness and likes to use it to his advantage as much as possible. If he wants attention, he knows that if he puts a front paw on the bars of his cage and stares up at me, I'll melt into a puddle of {{Squee}} and not stop petting him until he gets bored of being petted and wanders off. He also gets very annoyed if people are having a conversation near his cage, because he is so used to anyone near his cage speaking BabyTalk to him and doesn't like it when he's not center of attention. Even my mother and grandmother, both of whom are scared of rodents, find my hamster adorable. * This Trope has a running joke about this trope and a picture of [[http://bit.ly/cUhIAp Baby]] [[Main/AceAttorney Godot!]] * This troper's younger sister has a bit of a problem with this. Luckily, he has so far resisted the urge to strangle said sister. * I always gets a goofy smile whenever I'm near cats. Apparently it's kind of disturbing since I'm usually quite surly, so seeing me smile like that freaks my friends out. * This rather jaded troper developed an extreme case of this towards both humans and animals due growing up with her [[strike:batshit insane]] [[CloudCuckooLander goofy]] mother, who is even worse. * This slightly insane troper goes completely nuts whenever he's near an animal. Any kind of animal. Cats, dogs, rabbits, goats, toads, snakes, turtles, lizards, spiders, birds, eckcetera, eckcetera. Averted once when this troper was [[{{Squee}} squeeing]] at large lizard. Said lizard climbed up his jeans. And stayed there. He tried to shake it off, but he can't. Then he lost it and screamed like a little girl. Then the lizard hop off and this trope was in full effect again. * This Troper is very proud of her loud, {{Jerkass}} nature, topped with a serving of DeadpanSnarker and a side of LargeHam. Cue her

sisters. CutenessProximity in full swing, she'll gush and squee over everything they do, BabyTalk, and a [[BigBrotherInstinct Big Sister Instinct]] will give away what my friend described as "The [[JerkWithAHeartOfGold heart]] that no one is ever prepared for" * In this Troper's family, we have a big black lab/border collie mix and a small tricolor purebred border collie. Twice a day, everyday, we engage in "The Daily Worshiping of the Puppies". We are unashamed. * This troper finds dogs and cats adorable. She also does this when she sees cute kids. And while poor [[TheLastAirbender Noah Ringer]] cannot act (She blames the director), she finds him adorkable. * I'm usually quite a stoic person and even the cutest of animals and children don't turn me into some sort of squealing mess...until recently that is. A few days ago I was helping a friend babysit another friends baby daughter and after dressing her for bed found myself going [[TastesLikeDiabetes D'aw, awen't you da cutest, pwettiest wittle girl! Yes you are! Yes you are!]] and nearly melted when she giggled. Cue '...did I just hear you coo over a baby?' and a smirk from the friend. Also, despite my allergies, I couldn't help but pick up and cuddle the newly born litter of kittens. * [[@/CyberBlade This Troper]] has this in every meaning of the phrase. All cats are adorable and need immediate petting. All dogs are puppies, as well. That violent, drooling, currently-engaged-inripping-out-your-spine guard dog? A puppy. Only exacerbated by having enough strength, pian tolerance, and biological (appendage's range of motion most specifically) know-how to be confident (note use of "confidence" instead of "experience") enough to think he can restrain most dogs long enough for a (probably functional) bear hug. Combine this with utilizing his ability to accurately replicate a number of high pitched animal noises (most cat noises and dog whining) to confuse/attract them long enough to pounce. Oh, and it's not just cats and dogs actually. If it's got fur, it is automatically in need of a big hug. * This Troper is almost 20 years old... and is like this with ''stuffed'' animals. * This troper actually managed to avoid getting her grade lowered by her Computer Science teacher by being so cute. :D * When This Troper was about 9 he thought his newborn cousin was the most adorable baby girl ever. She just got even cuter after the awkward "shriveled pink infant" phase. Now that he is in his mid 20's and she is old enough to start considering what college she wants to attend...he ''still'' thinks she is the cutest baby girl ever. Turnabout is fair play, since her mother (this troper's aunt) treats him this way too. * Being a NightmareFetishist and a FriendToAllLivingThings, this trope is an inevitability for me whenever I'm around a baby anything, be it a kitten, puppy, or Chupacabra. I'm also this way around my three cats by default, seeing that I raised them from the bottle I'm the closest thing to a mother they have. Did you know that, when you bottle feed a kitten, sometimes their ears simultaneously twitch? Squee! * This troper is quite tall and has a look that suggests that he's pissed off all the time, but when he gets close to his cat all he can think about is the widdle tabby boo and the cute widdle boo paws!

* [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]] issues the following statement: "Do not overly expose him to cute things for long periods of time, it causes extraordinary changes in his cognitive faculties, reasoning ability, and overall intelligence. In recent studies, it seems his sudden IQ drop is in direct correlation with the rise in cuteness levels in his proximity.":) * I squee over babies (they seem to love me!), and also animals, whether its cats, dogs, rats, snakes or spiders... * One of the few ways to get [[Tropers/{{Animenutcase}} This Troper]] to break her [[TheStoic stoic-ness]] is to-(gasp!) IS THAT A KITTY/PUPPY/(insert adorable animal of your choice here)!? [[{{Squee}} It's so cute]]! Can I [[ImTakingHerHomeWithMe take it home]]? * My neighbourhood is crawling with latchkey cats. I can't help but take a few minutes to pet them, and if no one is around, coo to them. Cue: "Who's a cute kitty? You're so handsome, yes you are!" Sometimes leads to embarrassing moments when people walk by. * This troper walks by the same pet shop every day, with a cat in the window. Many a time I have seen people reduced to babbling nonsense as they walk by and notice the cat. Just today I found myself cooing to the kitty.. she was scared of the leaves falling! * When {{@/Tidal_Wave_17}} see's something adorable, expect him to go "D'aaawww!" and start saying things like "D'aren't you just so wahdorable!" * [[{{Tropers/Fungal88}} This tropette]] loves cuteness so much, she gushes about it whenever she comes across anything that she finds simply adorable, whether it's real or fictional, and the protagonist in ''AnAmericanTail'', one of her all-time favourite movies, is definitely no exception. Speaking of which, she often goes as far as to think that a bunch of cuteness-loving teenage girls might have went crazy over how cute he is when they [[SchoolStudyMedia watched it in their history classes]], despite never having said experience like that herself. * Okay, [[@/SoWeAteThem I]] was never clear headed to begin with. But when one frequent visitor to the commons lounge brought along her pet rat, I all but transformed into [[InvaderZim GIR]]. For the next few hours (Look, it's a while between classes, OK?) I was bent over the fuzzy sucker's cage, grinning and blabbering incoherently about its cuteness, and taking every available opportunity to pet it even after it had crawled down a fellow student's jacket. (Said colleague was male, it was up his sleeve, I'm nuts, not suicidal.) * This troper's squeetastic moments are caused by baby lemurs and sugar gliders. Granted I don't really approve of sugar gliders as pets even though they're legal where I live, if only because most people don't have the discipline to properly care for one. * [[{{Tropers/TedAsanto}} Ted Asanto]] here: as long as it's a clean domestic pet rodent, feline or canine not trying to get nasty, I would ''love'' to stroke it. And what a trait: ItRunsInTheFamily, too, for the most part, which is why my family owns a domestic cat. * This troper's family around- COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII *ahem* * I found my way into a pet store this morning. They had rabbits and dwarf hamsters, and THEY LET ME PET THEM. I've been going into random

cuteness squee mode for the rest of the day. (OH MY GOSH THE HAMSTERS WERE LITTLER THAN GOLF BALLS AND ONE OF THEM KEPT GRABBING MY FINGER AND THE BUNNIES ALL CAME UP TO ME AND STOOD ON THEIR HIND LEGS TO LOOK AT ME AND THEY WERE SO CUTE I AM GOING TO DIE NOW.) I also do this with puppies, kittens, and toddlers. And snakes, on occasion. * This troper routinely makes references to his broken cuteness meter. He once even jokingly threatened to sue a friend for the costs of repairs after her hamster effectively pummeled it into the ground. (I have a weak spot for rodents in particular. Yes, this includes mice.) * Anne Beeche fondly remembers a psychology class in which a random teacher from next door brought in a husky puppy. Hilarity ensued. Everybody was petting and loving the dog for the rest of the period. * This troper's reaction to a plastic [[{{Pokemon}} Wooper]] with the most adorable smile ever. You can laugh now. * One of the local priests in my town (a retiree who lives closeby) recently got a puppy that his fellow priests share and take care of. I got to meet said puppy a few days ago. It was a black Lab that reminded me of a dog that belonged to another priest back when I was a kid. I immediately went, "Hi there! Where did you get those eyes? You're so cute, yes you are!" * This troper will see animals, usually dogs (not big dogs) and cats, and disolve into a giant puddle of cooing baby talk. As I am usually fairly [[TheQuietOne quiet]] and somewhat [[TheStoic stoic]], everyone around me will simultaneously disolve into giant puddles of "What the hell?" * This level-headed, stoic, strong-stomached troper skips the coherent part and moves straight to the babbling. 'Kipugabadadadadakubakubikababaaaaaa[insert more random syllables here, which have slight connection to the words which would be said if my brain wasn't turned to mush by cuteness].' Though, I guess I do have an [[YaoiFangirl underlying condition]]... * This troper was at the mall today and saw these little Girl Scouts selling cookies. One of them was wearing a cookie costume and she looked so adorable I couldn't even look at her for too long. * I once had an argument with my brother, leading to me leaving the room in full anger mode. Cue my cat running into said room with me chasing just behind it yelling "KITTY!" with arms outstretched, anger completely gone. While it's not unknown for me to act strange like this, this still was very unexpected for my brother. * So [[Tropers/{{MiraShio}} I'm]] the girl who took taekwondo classes, enjoys ''TheHungerGames'' series in all its morbid glory, is sometimes physically stronger than some guys, can watch nearly any horror film without scrambling away, and then squees like a five-year-old when presented with tiny animals. Especially meerkats. * Normally I'm a [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarker]] and a Kuudere with a [[PungeonMaster quirky]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice sense]] [[GallowsHumor of]] [[BlackComedy humor]]. Now, imagine a fine day where I'm walking down the street with my guy, [[ItMakesSenseInContext making a joke involving the band Dying Fetus]]. Then, all of a sudden I see a pug walking our way. In such a situation, I'll squee and exclaim, "D'AWW! It's a cute widdle pug wid its squished-in face! D'ohhh it's so adorable!! Whosa cute widdle pug? You are!

Idjywidjywoo!" ^.^ (This was basically my reaction when I went to my boyfriend's house for the first time and saw his rabbit.) A more mild version of this is if I'm talking with a friend of mine and, upon seeing a cat walking by, saying "Hi, Random Cat!" Animals that also invoke this reaction in me are snakes, rats, baby alligators, and possums. * [[@/DogLikeSparky I]] am a rather bizarre example of this. I'm not particularly fond of animals, just being anywhere near a baby for more than ten seconds is enough to put me on edge (the only thing worse than the babbling and squealing and getting in the way people call "cuteness" is the screaming). However, I am not made of stone. There is a Worlds of Wonder-era Teddy Ruxpin in my closet. I bought him at a yard sale a little more than a year ago. He's my third; as much as I loved them, neither of the two I had as a youngster could withstand the way I treated them. Every time I spend more than a few seconds with him I'm overcome with both deep and unabiding love for him and a sense of guilt and loss in regards to the lost dolls. Dwelling on it for an extended period of time is enough to bring me to the verge of tears. * This troper had a six-year-old friend when she was younger who was just adorable. I used to ask her to smile for me, because she looked so adorable when she smiled. (Something tells me she didn't like it that much.) I also get this way around my cat when he lies with me at night. * This troper listens to death metal, watches and reads disturbing anime and manga, and will melt into a puddle of goo if presented with a small animal with big shiny eyes and will stay that way for at least an hour, this has been used against him during arguments. It works well enough his friend carries a pad of pictures with him to stop his rants. * This troper, for some reason, becomes extremely sardonic (albeit in a kind way) around cats and babies. He swears it breeds an understanding between him and the cat/baby. There are other things that will just produce gushing, though. Like bunnies. ---Go back to... [[CutenessProximity Aw, who's a good little trope, then!]] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CutHimselfShaving '''Before adding personal examples,''' keep in mind that this trope is about lying to cover suspicious injuries. If your father beat you one night and you tell everyone you walked into a tree, that'd be a straight example. If you really did run into a tree but people ''assume'' your father beat you, that'd be an acceptable subversion. But simply running into a tree just makes you TheKlutz. * A subversion that's almost exactly the one given as an example on the main page: This troper was present when her mother hit herself in

the face with the door and gave herself a black eye. Everyone thought she was abused (and a doctor she worked with offered to kick her boyfriend's ass!), except for her friends who knew she was a clumsy person. * This troper had an "emo" phase. Eventually, she just started making things up to see what people would believe. Apparently hammers, trampolines, bushes, pet chickens, fell down a tree, and squeezed a lightbulb are all good. Though, sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. She has a very noticable scar by her knee... Which was made by falling on a stair-stepper machine, and another one from a butter knife slicing opne a pre-cut bagel. * Clumsiness runs in this troper's family, and he has had the darnedest time explaining to people that his horrible injuries were actually inflicted in this manner. ** This troper does that on occasion. She once had the misfortune of a particularly egregious one in ''shorts weather'', and consequently had a terrible time explaining to her parents that the gigantic angry bleeding slash on her thigh looked far worse than it actually was. ** This troper is extremely clumsy (able to throw over two glasses within 5 minutes) and extremely prone to bruising. And has an brother that likes 'playful' fighting and is much bigger than she is. This results in the trope being zigzagged and subverted; people have asked her if she was being slapped, after doing something clumsy, and ignored one giant bruise caused by a 'playful' fight. * This troper once injured himself by not paying attention and running into his father. The doctors at the ER gave his father some funny looks until he reinjured himself through clumsiness in the examination room. ** This troper's little sister got into a very similar situation when she was young. She was extremely clumsy and was always falling down and bruising herself. One afternoon she cut her head open and was rushed to the emergency room, where the doctor that treated her got incredibly suspicious of all the bruises. It was only when this troper got into an argument with her little brother over which of the bruises were from where that the ER staff relaxed. * This troper once fell off of a sidewalk and ''cut his wrists on the edge''. Naturally, everyone makes the assumption that it was done on purpose. Additionally, he owns many, many knives and swords, and enjoys cooking. So burns and cuts are fairly natural, and again assumed to be done intentionally. Because everyone is an EmoTeen, apparently. * This troper was so clumsy as a toddler that Social Services investigated her parents. The vaguely Potter-esque scar on her forehead is ''not'' the result of dark magic or parental abuse - she tripped and hit her head on a radiator. ** I did that (the radiator bit, except it was over my right eye) and nothing happened. Then again, it was at the swimming pool when I was young. Some people used to joke that I looked a bit like a gangster and never believed the truth. ** I've split my lip on a radio, not a radiator, but hey, it sounds close enough. * Not cuts, but [[{{Momonga}} this troper]] developed allergies

several years ago (supposedly to grass, but seeing as this troper barely comes in contact with grass, she claims she's "allergic to life") with the result that she gets huge swellings occasionally, most often on her arms or legs but sometimes on her face, with no discernible cause. The first occurrence was after having spent the night (no, not [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean that way]]) at her boyfriend's apartment - she woke up in the middle of the night and noticed that her upper lip felt odd, but soon fell back asleep. In the morning, a look in the mirror showed that said lip was horribly swollen, as if it had been punched. She felt quite awkward riding the bus alone back to her dorm, especially when the bus driver said "Did someone hit you? D'you need me to beat him up for you?" Troper did her best to stay out of sight until the swelling went away. Next time it was her eye... luckily the ones on her limbs are more readily identifiable as allergic reactions. * This troper enjoys lying about a surgery scar he has on his right hand that zig-zags, and then goes straight. It looks quite ghastly with the slight bulging from uneven healing and stich scars along it, not to mention the 4 inches it is in length. The lie he tends to give is something along the lines of a ninja attack, when in reality he has a genetic defect causing nerve damage, and had surgery to counter-act the problem. * This troper once had a scratch on her arm that, if it wasn't so far down her arm and so shallow, might have looked like she cut herself purposely. What had actually happened was that a book (Rurouni Kenshin volume 1) fell off the shelf in her locker as she was reaching for something, and the corner of the plastic covering the library used to cover it to protect it nicked her. She finds it mildly amusing. * This extremely clumsy and sensory defensive troper's mother's stress levels plummeted when she turned eighteen. She was always worried that someone would call child services because of this troper's rarely bruiseless state and tendency to yell like she was smacked over the head with a hammer when simply tapped on the shoulder. * DesertDragon's accident prone nature as a child led to near constant scrapes, bruises, and cuts. As he's also naturally rail thin, he's become quite familiar with the "Is there anything going on at home that you want to talk about?" conversation with teachers. * This troper's friend had to make up one of these stories to tell to her mom, after her sister accidentally hit her in the face with a shovel. She has a hardcore scar on her eyebrow now. * This troper has no belly button any more due to getting a cyst around that location. Belly button now looks like an eye socket after the surgery. So said troper is thinking of coming up with ways to explain to people other than nurses, doctors, police officers, and family on how he got this almond shaped scar on his stomach. Said troper is thinking o fusing some kind of ninja knife fighting story. Said troper should also explain to people his 5-inch scar on his ass from a reconstructive operation. * [[{{Indigo}} This troper]] has a friend who's an ER nurse. Apparently "I fell on it" is a very common excuse for finding diverse items in a certain orifice - despite raising the question of how one can believably fall onto a cucumber while naked.

** Would this hospital happen to have an [[{{Scrubs}} "ass box"?]] * [[DarthSaturnina This troper]] wears a lot of black and one day got into a fight with her pet cat. Almost everyone at school assumed the scratches on her arm were a result of self-mutilation. Had a bitch of a time trying to explain it, too. ** That happened to a friend of mine who owned cats - she submitted a slightly depressed poem to an English competition, and the English teacher sent her to the counselor. She had some rather unfortunate cat scratches on her wrists that day... but nothing ever came of it. ** On a related note, some friends of [[{{Skazka}} this troper]] who self mutilate ''do'' explain it away as "oh, the cat scratched me." In perfectly symmetrical, equally spaced and pressured lines. Of seven scratches each. Multiple times. Only on one arm. It is convincing no one, and only serves to make the people who ''do'' love you and care about you increasingly worried. (This troper, however, is also recovering from a habit of self harm, and finds it disturbing how many people really do take "oh, I have really dry skin on my arms and I scratch it in my sleep" as a suitable explanation for a several-inchlong gash hidden carefully under gauze and long sleeves.) *** This troper actually does have dry skin and periodically winds up with gashes like that. Not just on the arms though. :/ ** [[PomRania This troper]] once explained away a blood spot on the carpet (I think you can tell where it came from) as being from a nosebleed. This was believable as I do frequently get nosebleeds and don't particularly care about cleaning up after them; however, ever since the truth came out, I always have to say that yes, it really WAS a nosebleed. * This troper isn't sure if this fits here, but she had a variation of this kind of thing today. I had gotten a tattoo on my arm that was leaking blood through the plastic wrap down my arm. This sweet young lady working the register at a Boston Market looks at me ordering my food and keeping a napkin at the lower end of the plastic wrap and says, "Oh, you hurt yourself?" with an appologetic kind of look on her face. I smiled back and said, "Nah, just a tattoo." She kinda moved back a bit and laughed quietly. I can't wait to explain why I can't move my arm too much over the next few weeks. * This troper has on two occasions given herself ''beautiful'' black eyes. Once aged thirteen, during a rounders game at school where she tripped over her feet and skidded face first for ten feet on grass. The other time when she fell over drunk and hit her bespectacled face on a towel rail. Yeah. * In third grade I was playing cops and robers with my friends in the schools parking lot which doubled as our playground (my school wasn't exactly poor, just miserly) I had just caught one of my friends, when I triped over ''something'' (eather a pebble or a classmates foot, I didn't see it and it was about 50/50 what story I heard from those who did) instead of letting go like a smart person, I held on to my friends ankles while she was still running, resulting in scrapes that my mother afectionatly termed "narghly road rash" on my ''face'' for the rest of the year. Thank God it was after picture day or I don't know what I would have done. * This troper's cousin recently overbalanced at the top of a concrete

flight of stairs. She called a friend to drive her to the hospital and... well, you can guess the kinds of looks he was getting. He's refused to take her anywhere until she gets better. * This troper has a clumsy friend who bruises easily. She dates a tough-looking guy (who is actually a complete pussycat) and is frequently seen with bruises all over her arms. Not everybody believes the clumsiness explanation. * A friend of mine used to date a guy she knew from her martial arts class. She reports that matter of factly stating that the bruises were, in fact, from her boyfriend hitting her (in class) got odd looks from her co-workers. * This troper USED to be horribly clumsy when living in the city/suburbs. We had a flight of concrete steps and a metal railing that she would fall down every week.Then she moved to the farm,and of course,quickly had to grow out of that.Clumsy + farm = death or serous injuries!\\ \\ She has so many scars that doctors would ask if she was being abused,causing this troper to be offended. Then she looked closely at herself and realized...goddamn she has a lot of scars...\\ \\ My dad FacePalms at my frequent injuries. To date,i haven't broken a single bone--just cracks and a few dislocation,bruises,scrapes,cuts,burns,and punctures. * This troper gave herself two matching so-dark-as-to-be-''black'' bruises in the soft parts of her shoulders by falling off a swing. (Look, the chains were industrial-style chain, and my arms stayed on the swing while the rest of me came down...) They aren't quite symmetrical, but apparently they do look like someone pinned me down with their thumb forced under my arm and the rest of their fingers holding down my shoulders. Which makes people [[RapeAsDrama worry.]] In a fandom example, the crack sector of the roleplay this troper was in had [[TanzDerVampire Herbert von Krolock]] explain away being covered in human [[LesbianVampire blood]] with repeatedly walking into the same door. When asked why it's coming from his mouth, "I chipped a tooth." (And in a less comic example, from the same roleplay, [[LesMiserables Feuilly]] was apparently a [[AbusiveParents clumsy adolescent]]. Not because of his parents, as he's an orphan, but at the hands of his employer.) * This troper has a not-quite-as-funny example- she has a few scars on her legs because she had a seizure while her cat was sleeping in the bed next to her and scared the ever-living daylights out of him. However, they ''look'' like they were self-inflicted. The fact that the real story is so bizarre doesn't really help. * [[DeltaOne This Troper]] went to the police station to complete some paperwork. Leaving the office, he tripped and fell down a short flight of stairs. That's right, a young man walked out of the police station with a black eye and a nosebleed telling everyone "I fell down the stairs! Honest!" * What This Troper claimed to have done, during an emo phase where she actually did cut herself with a brand-new pack of razors. All. Over. The. Legs. There was so much blood while I was doing it that it was

literally dripping right off my skin. Beautiful and horrific. I swore never to do it again. * [[{{Chamale}} This Troper]]'s sister was a very accident-prone kid. It's hard to make doctors believe your kid telling them she "fell down the stairs" and "walked off a chair" within months of each other. When they were a bit older, they used to have [[TemptingFate falling-downthe-stairs races]]. * Inversion here. I managed to cut my lip open, but managed to play it off like I was punched intervening in a fight at school. * [[{{Malendras}} This Troper]] (using first person now) gets a lot of cuts and scrapes at my job. We use razor blades to cut open skids and boxes. I once accidentally gave myself a nasty cut on my wrist with a razor. I went into school the next day, and when asked how I got the the cut, absent-mindedly replied "Razor blade." Cue worried looks, and me attempting to assure them it was an accident. It ended after a trip to the counselor's office where I convinced her I was not, in fact, depressed or suicidal. * This troper likes to invert this one. When he first cut himself shaving, he blamed the small cut on a bear attack. It's only gotten sillier from there. ** My dad does this too. Every wound supposedly came from a long forgotten war years ago. * Inverted by me, I have scars on my left arm that look like I cut myself, but actually one of them is a burn caused by the edge of a hot baking tray, one is from the cat and some of them are from my little sister scratching me. Unfortunately played straight (most of the time, im really not sure what to think...) with my friend, who was abused, but also is the clumsiest person in the world. She had so many accidents from falling over and stuff that when her boyfriend actually was hitting her, everyone thought she was just being her usual clumsy self. * A(nother) subversion...one time back in grade school, I was minding my own business in art class while some kids the next table over were messing around. One of them threw a blue marker at another, but it missed its target and hit me in the eye. With the cap off. I tried to wash the ink off, but only succeeded in smearing it. By the end of the day, I'd more or less forgotten about it, until I got home and walked in on my dad, who looked up and spluttered, "Who gave you a black eye?!" * A strange subversion. This troper used to compulsively pick her pimples open until they bled during class. Then someone would worriedly say, "Umm...! You're bleeding!" I was always too embarrassed to explain what had happened, so I made up excuses. My wackiest one: "I was walking the other day while holding a pencil. I tripped and stabbed myself in the face. The scab occasionally bleeds." * This troper has a few subversions, and a strange aversion. This, occasionally dumb, troper had her arm under an oven rack while pulling food out. The scars left from those burns are often mistaken for cut scars. This troper was also accidently punched by a guy (while he is an idiot, he didn't do it on purpose), and many people thought he had done it to be mean. And when this troper when a toddler, she developed Henoch-Shonlein Purpura, which left her unable to walk, and the legs

literally looked broken. Said troper's parents were investigated to see if there was any abuse. * This Troper has bruises on his arm and a busted foot. He freely admits that it was the result of slipping in the shower. The part he leaves out is that he slipped due to...[[{{ADateWithRosiePalms}} well, recoil]]. ** Please excuse @/DesertDragon while he dies laughing. * [[LadyShadowflame This troper]], when very young, broke her arm when she crawled off her mother's bed. Child protective services proceeded to investigate her home life. Fortunately, the woman took one look at the way this troper was charging about everywhere getting into mischief, and realised any injuries were definitely accidental. On a slightly related note, she once passed off reddened puffy eyes from crying over online drama as having "tried out some foundation and it got in my eyes." * [[{{smittykins}} I]] was sledding with my husband behind our house when I flipped the plastic disc I was using and my face struck a rock, giving me a cut below my right eye and breaking my glasses. Although no one directly accused my husband of hitting me, it was definitely implied in the stares and the "are you ''sure'' that's how it happened?" tone of voice from a lot of people. It didn't help that my husband was known for his temper(although he never did lay a hand on me in anger). * Somewhat of a double subversion: A high school friend of this troper's was a martial artist whose boyfriend accidentally kicked her in the face while sparring one day. Rather than lie ''or'' explain the whole truth about the nasty cut on her face, she cheerfully told people her boyfriend was responsible and left them to draw their own conclusions. * [[{{bettername2come}} This Troper]] once used this line on an annoyingly nosy kid at school after cutting herself on the leg by [[YouWouldntBelieveMeIfIToldYou walking into barnacles on the steps of her best friend's pier.]] She then felt guilty for lying and told the truth. It was not believed until my friend confirmed the story. Eleven years later and the scar's still there. * After performing some self-injury with a compass point, a classmate asked if they were cat scratches. I said "Yeah. Sure." * Subversion. [[@/DialgaX This Troper]] has three faint scars on his wrist. Everyone assumed he self-mutilated. The scars are [[spoiler: from slipping and falling and then cutting his wrist on a tape dispenser.]] * A fried of this Troper was recently assaulted and his chin split. A night in A&E and some stitches later he came into work and joked that he'd cut himself saving. The kicker? The cut was under a BEARD. * One of this Troper's previous girlfriends got rather extensive bruising on most of her body during our relationship, for a laugh we both joked that the bruises were from her cutting herself shaving and other nonsensical things, although it stopped being funny when people accused me of abuse. We had to sit all our friends down in a circle and explain to them what was [[{{CasualKink}} REALLY]] going on. Well we tried to, but just kept bursting out in laughter. * [[@/LanceOmikron This Troper]] once scraped the heel of his hand

after falling off a bike, leaving a very big scab for a while. A few days afterwards he went to a MagicTheGathering tournament, and if asked about the huge scab, played this trope for laughs by claiming it was from a "freak shuffling accident". * This troper's cousin broke his arm falling off his bike. Unfortunately, since my uncle is a tall and heavy guy who has {{no indoor voice}}, people assumed that he had a short temper and was therefore abusive. Truth is, he's a {{gentle giant}}...who just has {{no indoor voice}}. * This troper showed up at summer camp with rather obvious scars on her chest, where they're covered by her clothes. After she finished changing on the first night, the other people in my dorm kept asking her about her family life. At the same summer camp, she experienced a ''psychological'' version of this - her favorite places are corners (the smaller the space she's in, the better), where she generally remains absolutely silent. Combined with the scars, some people came to [[AbusiveParents the obvious conclusion]]. She actually has no idea where the scars came from. They've been there as long as she can remember. And the hiding in corners is because she likes to watch people going about their lives. * [[{{Tropers/Crowqueen}} This troper]] was sunbathing when their aunt's Staffy got spooked and hit her in the eye, giving her quite a nice shiner. A day or two later in Manchester Station she had cause to go to the police about something and they questioned her closely as to what had happened with the eye, only letting the matter drop when she named the breed of dog that hit her. ---Go back to CutHimselfShaving...and don't forget to take some Band-Aids with you! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon * [[Tropers.ReikoKazama This troper]], whilst holding a spoon and contemplating how to [[CrushKillDestroy slaughter]] [[KillItWithFire the]] [[KillEmAll denizens]] of [=~4Kids Entertainment~=] for the [[{{Macekre}} abomination]] that was [[{{Bowdlerise}} Mew]] [[{{Americanitis}} Mew]] [[MarketBasedTitle Power]]: "Yes... I'll, I'll sharpen this spoon, and, and cut all their hearts out with it... [[LaughingMad ahahahahahahahaha...]]" * "Such a fine appendix you have there. I would hate to have to remove it with this cup" * See that? *points to stomach* I will tie it into a balloon animal, use it as a float, rape you with this [[{{nightmare fuel}} television]], and shank your testicles off with a sheet of friggin' wax paper! OR: I will Rip out your tummy, replace it with a piranha, eat the piranha and then empty my bowels in your mouth whilst you fall into an acid covered trash compacter made of rusty nails! Hai.

* This Troper once tried to quote [[DragonballAbridged Dragon BallZ The Abridged Series]] on his friend, but it didn't really work... * This Troper often uses threats such as "I'll carve out your soul and drink it in a tea cup." or "I'll tear out your small intestine and use it to strangle you." ** I use the same one. Exactly the same. Just out of curiosity, do you sometimes append, "And then nail your arms to your eyes"? ** [[@/{{Riddick}} I'm going to kill you with my teacup?]] *** Never added that before. And Riddick had nothing to do with it... at least This Troper doesn't think it did. * [[@/{{Weaver}} This Troper's]] sister once uttered the phrase "touch the hair and I'll murder you with my bare finger nails." * [[@/{{Nomic}} This troper]] sometimes uses threats such as "I'll rip you'r lungs out and beat you to submission with them". * I'm rather fond of "Mess with me and I'll chew your face off!", or the massively more ridiculous "I'm going to kick you in the crotch so hard you'll be sneezing babies for a week!" of course said in a overthe-top scottish accent. * This troper's most common threat is to "impale you on a dictionary." * This troper tends to use "carve out your eyes with a toothpick and mail them to your family" and "I am now going to rip out your spine through your nose. It might take a few tries, so hang in there." * This troper's threats (to others and self) tend to get rather... fanciful. And disturbing. "Take a power drill to your belly button", "put your coffee mug through your face", "cut your face off and nail it to the wall", "cut ''my'' face off with a band saw and put it back on upside down"... ** Also, as of late, "I will disembowel you and pack your limbs inside your torso like a suitcase." Makes no effing sense. But fun to say. * This troper once said "I'll pin you to a museum wall like the pathetic insect that you are. Parents will tell their children "that's what a tyrany looks like, but don't be afraid, (my name) saved us from this one. Glory to me, oblivion for you!". To put this in perspective, he had said that he was going to brainwash me. ** What, no [[GoodOmens "your fate will be whispered by mothers in dark places to frighten their young"]]? * [[@/EddieVanHelsing This troper]] is fond of, "Your suffering will be legendary". Also, "I will attend your funeral" and "I will ensure that your funeral is a closed-casket affair". * I usually go for the classic "don't fuck with me, else you'll get such a heaping dose of Rainbow-Colored Brick to the face, you'll be singing ''Wizard of Oz'' ditties for a week"...that is, when I'm in a ''good'' mood... * This troper absolutely fucking HATES people in his neighborhood who play loud, shitty rap music in the wee hours of the morning. (Not that there's much for GOOD rap music.) Two choice things he has yelled off the back porch are "I'll chop off your balls and use them as ear plugs" and "Motherfucker, I will rip your cock off and shove it up your nose". * This troper's favorite threat: "I will tear off every one of your fingernails with a pair of rusty pliers and pour acid into the gaping, weeping wounds."

* One of my friends is now infamous for her rant: "I hope one day... you FALL DOWN... and two nails pierce through your eyeballs and INTO. YOUR. BRAIN! And then you'll BLEED and DIE!" * This troper's ''grandmother'' was apparently fond of the occasional threat to "tear off your arm and beat you with the bloody end of it". Oh, grandma. I love that woman like crazy. * This Tropette is fond of threatening to rip arms off and beat people with them. She also employs "If you don't shut up, I will rip your vocal cords out and STRANGLE YOU WITH THEM!" as well as "I will cut your kidney out with a rusty garden rake!" Good times, good times. ** Also, I've been threatening to "Knee you in the crotch so hard your grandsons'll be singin' soprano." Several people have pointed out to me that that is [[YouFailBiologyForever physically impossible]], but I don't care. ** Also, "I will hurt you in places you didn't know you had nerve endings." * This Troper's favorite tends to be 'I will tear out your tongue, string it up and wear it around my neck as a trophy and a warning.' * This Troper's best is "I'll rip out your lungs and feed them to you." * This Troper prefers "I will find you when you least expect it and I will bring Batman with me." Batman is badass to the ''extreme''. * One that "this troper" has been waiting to use is "I'm gonna rip your throat out, and use it as a condom while I skullfuck you!" If you're gonna be violent, then why not be colorful? * "I will kill you with a cheese grater!" Though this troper is not sure she will have an opportunity to use it outside of friendly mocking. * This Troper's friend has a lot of odd threats, putting odd accentuation on key words in the insult and each one somehow connecting to the previous threats, I.E., "I'll take this PENCIL, and shove it up your ASS! Then, I'll take your ASS, and shove it up your DICK! Then, I'll take your DICK..." And so on and so forth. His best threat was a full five minutes of him starting with a fork in the eye, and ending with robot Jesus riding on a My Little Pony crossbred with a three headed shark killing the insulted with a shotgun that shoots flaming ninjas. Also, my personal favorite is: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WILL SERIOUSLY RIP OFF YOUR JAW AND USE IT TO DESTROY AN ARMY, GOD DAMN." ** Nice biblical allusion. * [[@/{{Magus}} This troper]] was playing a game of {{Diplomacy}} at a club in school. One of the club members was playing Austria-Hungary and this troper was playing France. The aforementioned club member threatened that if I didn't let him have four supply centers (Italy and Munich), then he would invade Spain, a project that would take five turns if I didn't intercede. * This troper will annihilate you right in the head. * [[@/{{Lord Nadir}} This Troper]] is fond of such threats and has once said "I'll kick you in the groin so hard that they have to remove your tonsils to check you for testicular cancer." * [[@/{{AntipathicZora}} This troper]] once threatened her teacher with the phrase "I will beat your ass...WITH A SPOON!" whilst holding

up a spoon in dramatic manner and pointing at it with my free hand while we were funning around. Needless to say, the teacher took it seriously and I wound up in seclusion, where she... fell on the floor laughing. I'm also quite fond of "I'm going to hit you in the mouth so hard your grand-kids are going to need dentists!" * This editor is quite fond of "Mess with me and I'll snap your arm off like a twig and beat the crap out of you!" * This troper likes to stick with "I'm gonna hang you upside-down and beat you like a pinata 'till candy comes out!" * This troper sometimes uses "I'll chew a hole in your chest, screw it, and ejaculate in your lungs 'till you drown!" Also "I'm going to scrape your scalp off with my nails and use it as a napkin!" * [[@/MisterAlways Mine]]: " I will strangle you with your own EYE..." ( Y' know, the... part that attaches it to the brain. The nerve? Optical nerve strand?... Idk.) ** " Mom, shut the knife drawer." " Why?" " Because I will gut [my sister] and wear her guts for JARRETELLS if you don't." " I'll get the key." ** " There are five ways to kill a man with his own femur. I will now demonstrate one of them on you." ** " I'll choke you with your own foot!" * This troper will find you one day with you and your beloved anime and: [[{{NeonGenesisEvangelion}} go berserk, and smash you to bits]], [[{{GundamWing}} fire a big damn gun at your corpse]] and then [[{{CodeGeass}} Geass God so he erases all knowledge from your mind and returns you as a slobbering idiot who cannot answer 2 + 2]] and [[{{DeathNote}} Matsuda will shoot you nonfatally and then Ryuk will write your name in his Deathnote.]] ** fyi, the person mentioned above never leaves his home anymore and refuses to read anything but Japanese stuff. He does nothing but translate visual novels. Waste of life and intelligence, it makes this troper sick * A couple of weeks ago, [[@/MutantRancor this troper]] came up with this gem: "I'll rip your heart out through your mouth and put it back in from the other end!" * This troper has assured his fiancee that, should she ever die or disappear under mysterious circumstances, "My vengeance will inspire operas." This troper is well aware that it's not the sort of line that he could use in the real world, as he encounters very few BigBad types there. However, he could die with a smile if he is ever able to deliver the line under appropriate circumstances. ** This troper has also wished to promise: "Do that again, and the last sight to greet your dying eyes will be of me feasting on your still-beating heart." * This troper likes to use: "I will impale you with a brick" and "I will grab your foot and shove your whole leg up your butthole". * This troper's brother once threatened to beat him to death with his drumsticks. I replied with "You hit me with your drumsticks, and I'll beat you so hard that you'll be sneezing out of your belly button!" Unoriginal, but it was still fun to say. * It's not uncommon to hear this troper say "I'm going to disembowel you through your ass with a rusty crowbar while I set you on fire and

dogs eat you alive after you've been impaled on super-charged spikes wrapped in barbed wire with your hands nailed to your back and one of your ribs removed!" * In [[@/{{NickTheSwing}} this troper's]] fanfic/ CrisisCrossover, a character named Zeltha V swears he will "cut out Axis' (from Sara Douglass' series The Wayfarer Redemption) heart and eat it with a fork and knife, and maybe that will, in being so much more vile than your murder of your brother, bring back my cousin. You never tried to turn him good, you were so blind with rage." [[AFateWorseThanDeath Axis at the end wishes Zeltha had just done that.]] [[ColdBloodedTorture Oh no, Mister Starman, you get a lot worse than that!]] * From when This Troper worked at a restaurant, he had a whole little speech: "If I see one more half-eaten steak--''one''--I am going to grab the first two things at hand which at the moment are [(a ladle and a collander/a bunch of corncob holders and a dish sponge/a pair of salad tongs and a turkey baster) pick example of choice] and start giving surprise appendectomies to everyone within fifty yards, probono." * This troper has used "my scarf will devour your soul", "strap you to something extremely uncomfortable and dissect you with a blunt scalpel" "stab you to death with this plastic spoon" and my favorite, "stop or i will sing opera at you" * This troper is shocked by the lack of metaphysical threats here. Personally, he likes cursing people in Lovecraftian methods. * "I am going to hurt you so badly you will wish you were dead! Then you WILL be dead, because I will have killed you so hard, that you'll just be a puddle of blood! And then, I will keep you in a jar, and throw you at people I don't like!" ** Another threat that is too ridiculously long to describe ends up with the victim hanging from a tree by a rope tied to his teeth without a lower jaw or any limbs and covered in burns. * Not exactly a threat, but This Troper has once used "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits." * [[@/MalachiteDragon This Troper]] tends to make up new ones every day; The few times that he has actually had to use them, he tends to combine them with the HannibalLecture and TheSlowWalk, as well as the SlasherSmile all the while... -->"I am going to do things so terribly,horrendiously erotic to you that porn stars will simultaneously scream in terror and in ecstasy. There will be jars of honey, wooden dowels, tasers, and a small spoon, c* ck-rings, piercings, cellphones, and small toys, spreaders and ball-gags and ''copious'' amounts of rope, ribbon, and twine. It will be broadcast and podcast live across the world and across the 'net, and when it reaches your poor parents' eyes they won't know whether to wank themselves stupid or cry at the sight of their child being so fiendishly defiled. Do I make myself eminently clear? I will drive from you every fetish that you adore and force into your brain ones that repulse you ''until you begin to accept them if only so I will stop.'' You have earned no mercy and I shall give none; There will be blood and tears and seed and honey and sweat and water and mayonnaise and any other fluid that I can get my greasy little mits on and they will be '''''used'''''. Do I make

myself...absolutely...''crystaline''?" ** Unsurprisingly, He's also the hugest pervert out of all his friends, talks about porn quite often and announces his nightly masturbation sessions by saying "Happy fun pr0n time!" and is quite, quite good at {{Squick}}-ing out even those who know him best. Except his girlfriend- she has proven unsquickable. Gods, he loves her. ** Why do I keep hearing this spoken by [[{{Watchmen}} Adrian Veidt]]? ** ([[@/MalachiteDragon Same troper]] who posted the rant) Probably because I have a similarly huge vocabulary as him and know how to use it. :D * [[@/{{Axioanarchist}} This Troper's]] high-school biology teacher began threats with "There are OneHundredAndEight ways to kill a human being with a popsicle stick." It caught on. * "Try anything funny, and I'll rip your balls off and shove them down your throat." "Do that again and I'll use your rib cage as a guiro!" "I swear, I will rip your spine out and use it as a xylophone!" This troper has weird friends. * This troper will mail you to all fifty states! * "If you don't leave right now, I swear by almighty God I will find a way to strangle you with this wireless mouse." * -blinks and clears throat- Once I accomplished delivering this to a friend who had nailed me with a water balloon in December. Ahem: "Oh. You think you're funny, clever boy? Let me tell you something. The things I am imagining doing to you are most likely legal in every state because someone would not assume anyone would be so damn psychopathic, with so few morals, as to attempt such foul treatment, nor would anyone care to deserve such a fate. But you, my friend, I am experiencing an epiphany. I have seen the light. And the light was Michael Tyson, and so myself and the light shall beat into you a new definition of "pain". I will tourniquet and guillotine every single part of your body that is sprouting from your torso, save for your neck. I will carve out your neck with a pen, making an inky gash-hole. And then I will stab it again. With my ''dick''. However, you will be spared of all but the dick-shank, provided you get me a fucking TOWEL!" * This is part of this troper's [[AxCrazy daily dialogue]]. Usually it's along the lines of "strangle you with your own intestines" or "castrate you with a splinteery wooden spoon." In a noteworthy {{Eviler Than Thou}} moment, a friend of mine threatened to eat my firstborn (FYI, I dont't have kids) with a spork (or something), to which I immediately responded, "Not if I eat it first. With chopsticks." * {{PsychoticSmirk}}* * I once wondered out loud, [[CloudCuckooLander at random]], "Do you think you could rip someone's arm off and beat them to death with it?" * "Stab you in the eyes. With lasers. And ''bears''," is [[@/{{Nerrin}} this troper]]'s standard starter. Being a physically unimposing little nerd, obviously I don't use these very seriously. However, I sometimes scale up from there in increasing levels of absurdity just to horrify people with the way my mind can work, even if I can't actually do anything to them. * I shall tear out the lower end of your intestinal tract through your rectum, nail it to a bridge and drop you off so gravity forces you to

crap out your own digestive system. * This troper has several, starting with the mundane: "I'll beat you to death with a large blunt object!", to the typical: "I'll rip off your arm/leg and beat you to death with it!", to the outright bizarre: "I'll beat you to death with your own head!", "I'll scoop out your eyes and ''skullfuck you''!", "I'll stick my foot so far up your ass, you'll have to open your mouth so I can tie my shoes!", "I'll kick you so hard you'll be swallowing with three Adam's apples!", "I'll hit you so hard, your ''ancestors'' will bleed!", "I'll beat you in ways your mama never tried and your daddy only dreamed about!", "I'll tear your heart/lungs/spleen out through your nose!", and my favorite joke to my son: "I'll hang you upside down by your toes from the ceiling fan!" or "I'll kill you until you are dead!" (I know that last one's from a movie but I can't remember which one, any tropers out there know it?) Then there's an oldie but a goodie, "I'll hit you so hard when you wake up your clothes will be out of style!" ** The quote's from ''HotShots Part Deux''. It was originally said by ''Saddam Hussein'': "I'll kill you until you die from it!" * This troper has just one: "I will feed you chili so powerful that it will make you shit out your large intestine, which will then ''burst into flame'' from the sheer heat of the spices you have consumed and ejected." ** And from a webcomic I read once: "Put the goddamn cellphone down or so help me I will shove it so far up your colon you'll be farting free minutes for a week!" * I'm gonna fuck you up so bad you'll be slower than a retarded tortoise!" * "I am gonna cunt-punt you so hard your grandchildren will be barren!" * "I'll hit you so hard you'll travel back in time and when your past self sees what has happened to his body he'll die of shock. You'll die ''yesterday''." * Good one for a police officer: "I will shoot you into tiny pieces and fine the pieces for littering." * "I'm going to kick your ass so hard you'll be shitting out your penis!" and, conversively: "I'm going to kick you in the nuts so hard you'll be pissing out your ass!" * Overheard: "I'm gonna kick you in the crotch so hard you'll have to open your mouth to take a leak." * "I'm going to castrate you with a potato masher!" * A friend's "I will castrate you with a rusty spoon" became "castrate you with a wooden spoon." * "I'm going to give you an uneccessary amputation with a cheese grater!" ** Oh I thought I was the only one using cheese grater threats. "I'm going to do horrible things to you with a cheese grater!" *** "I will give you a cheesegrater [[AssShove enema]]!" * "I'm going to kick your nipples off!" * "[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking I won't give you a hug!]]" * "I will shove this umbrella up your ass and open it!" * "I'm gonna reach down your throat and start ripping out organs till I get to something vital!"

* "I'll make sure none of your internal organs remain internal." * "I'm going to cut off your appendages one by one with a butter knife. A PLASTIC butter knife!" * "I swear to God Almighty and His Highest Holy Choir, I will saw your balls off with a sheet of paper!" * "If you don't knock it off, I will shove your head so far up your ass, it comes back out your neck!" * "I will stick that pole (a large flagpole) somewhere 'very' unpleasant" ** Made better recently, when a guy I was using it on let his imagination run wild with it out loud. * "If you do that again, I swear to God, I will beat you to death with an orange!" * "I'm going to start wounding you now. I'm not sure IF I'll stop, let alone WHEN" * "I will rearrange your organs into numerical order" * "[[AnsemRetort I swear to me that I will find a way to kill you with a flower necklace]] * "I will SHANK YOU with this! (Troper was holding a styrofoam cup) * "I am going to knock you unconscious with a styrofoam packing peanut!" * "I will strangle you and beat you to death with your corpse!" ** Same troper, another favorite of mine is "I will castrate you with a stapler!" (other object are occasionally used, but the stapler was the first and favorite) * "I will rip your body to shreds, and then feed the shreds to rabid wolves, and then kill the wolves, and then throw the wolves' carcasses down a glacial crevasse!" * "I will kill you with a plastic soda bottle in many different and creative ways." * "I will rip off your arm with my teeth, and then rape you with it 'till it comes out from your mouth." * "I will shave all your boy 'till you run out of skin, then season you with salt and dump you in a pool of acid." * "If you don't shut up right now, I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it!" * "You say that again, I'm gonna take this bottle, break it, and sodomize you with it. Do we have an understanding?" * "Look, I'm a peaceful man, but that won't stop me from tearing out your femur and strangling you with it." * "Think of it this way, if you say 'goodbye', and walk away, you get to go about your business like none of this ever happened. You do anything else, the same things gonna happen, only tomorrow, you'll wake up hanging from a ceiling in an undisclosed location, via a number of meat hooks embedded into your limbs, and I'm gonna set up an armchair and watch you bleed. So pick one, either one really, because I don't have any plans for tomorrow, and it's fixing to be a really boring day." * "We're not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we're going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks." Yes, General George S. Patton really said that. * Seen on [[http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/31/the-your-

mother-doesnt-work-here-of-the-hospitality-industry/ numerous signs]]: "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy." Every parent's worst nightmare? * "I swear to God, I will drag your ass into a church and choke the life outta you RIGHT IN FRONT OF JESUS!" * "[[LogicBomb I'm gonna strangle you with a brick!]]" * "I shall tear out the bottom end of your intestinal tract, nail it to a tree and force you to walk round it." * "I'm going to rip your arms of and punch you to death with your own fists." * "I'm going to skin you alive, eat your intestines like noodles, drench you in gas then light you on fire while crushing your kneecaps with a bat!" * "I will strangle you with your own intestines!" * "Have you ever tried to pick up your teeth with broken fingers?" * In college, a roommate's buddy kept using my towel to plug up the gap under the door. I finally told him, "If you throw my towel on the floor one more time, I will shove it so far up your ass you'll be able to wipe your mouth without using your hands." * "I will tear you in half and stab one half with the other half!" * "I'm going to force feed you barbed wire till it comes out your ass, then grab both ends and ''floss you to death!''" * "If you don't get out of bed this instant, I'll throw you down a mile long razor blade into a pit of rubbing alcohol!" (This troper's father on Sunday mornings.) * "I will kill you, feed you to rabid wolves, kill the wolves, burn their corpses, and then chuck their ashes down a bottomless glacial crevasse!" * "If you don't get out of the way, I am going to string you up by your toes, use you as a pinata, pluck out every single one of your hairs, make you eat all of them, and then smear you with honey and leave you for the wasps!" * My friend had a good one, once - "I will get you pregnant and [[BeyondTheImpossible punch you so hard in the stomach you will regurgitate a]] [[PlotRelevantAgeUp grown man]]." Note that this was a girl, to a [[MisterSeahorse dude]]. * "Tell me what you want for your birthday or I'll slice the skin off my forearms, cure it into a belt and CHOKE you with it!". She did, folks. She did. ** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint So how's the forearm-skin-belt working out so far?]] * "If you don't watch your tongue I'll make it stick out of your butthole!" * This troper is just waiting for an opportunity to say to a human, instead of a videogame character, "If I catch you doing X, ''I will make you wish I hadn't''." * After a friend's boyfriend broke up with her, all of [[@/TheTallOne my]] friends rallied around her in mutual hatred of her ex, producing such gems as "I will kick him so hard in the crotch, all his nuts will be good for is a flap to keep the dust out of his ass." * "If you don't shut the fuck up right now I will stab you in the MOUTH and use your blood vessels to SEW IT SHUT." My best friend is

FULL of these. * "I'll cut off your dick, grind it into a pulp, and pour it down your throat!" Little sisters are so cute. * [[@/SalFishFin This troper]] has used a few, most notably "I'm going to rip out your spleen and pimp-slap you with it." * This Troper's friend used to use "I will kidney-stab you in the face'' as a generic joke death-threat. * "I swear to God, I am this close to beating you to death with my peace medallion." * "I'll eviscerate you with a rusted plastic spork." * Me and my friend came up with some interesting revenge ideas for her ex... ** "Ill set his dick on fire and shove a chainsaw up his ass" ** "Ill cut his heart out with a spork and throw it off a tall building" ** "Ill chop his balls off with a rusty knife and make him eat them" ** "Ill shove my hair straighteners up his ass and leave them on until he cooks" * "I swear I will punch you in the soul if you keep this up," combined with a death glare, is fairly effective at getting people to stop annoying This Troper. * This troper has a few, from the SchlockMercenary inspired "Kill you all over the room. The coroner is going to have to use ''evidence bags''", through the "mid-range" threats like "I will [[EyeScream pop your eyeballs]], set fire to your sinuses and burst both eardrums. The only reason you won't be screaming in agony is that the pain will make you pass out before your vocal cords get unstuck" and "I'm going to break every singly bone in your body with my bare hands. Including the little ones in your wrists which are surprisingly hard to do", to the ones I only use when I'm ''really'' [[{{Understatement}} not happy]]: "You will never sleep soundly again, for I will do things that will cause you to wake up screaming so hard your throat bleeds, every night. For the rest of your life. And you might want to end the agony by dying, but you will be too scared to go into that long dark, in case I'm waiting for you" and "I am going to rip your genitalia from your body, rub coarse sea salt into the wound, then lightly sautee said genitalia with paprika and crushed black pepper and feed it to you with new potatoes, asparagus and a chilled Riesling (men only)/ Pinot Noir (ladies). ''Then'' I'm going to get ''nasty''." * This Troper once threatened someone by telling her that, if she (the troper) could have it her way, the girl would be burning in hell, being raped up the ass by the Devil's Pitchfork. ''And not the handle part, either''. She's also said something to a lesser "Eternal Punishment" extent to a male friend. He was boasting about something or the other, and the troper promised him that if he didn't shut up about it, she's personally feed him his own man bits for dinner. ''Why, yes,'' I ''am'' a raging psycopath~! :3 * [[@/SoWeAteThem I]] have threatened or proposed, more than once, something along the lines of "rip his dick off and dent his skull with it!" We've also joked about turning an antique mole trap on a family [[AcceptableTargets Acceptable Target]], and I once used a set of expressions that eventually evolved into "Well, castrate me,

lobotomize me with my dick and hurl 'em both off a cliff while I watch!" * Care for three? ** [[@/PoptartTan This Troper]] tried to invoke this on her dad when they were messing around, but it came out wrong. (She said "you'll have to breathe through your lungs." She meant that they'd be in front of his face.) [[CrowningMomentofFunny He replied, "And when I'm done with you, you'll be walking on TWO LEGS!"]] ** A friend, [[GenkiGirl who meant well but]] [[MotorMouth talked too much even for HER,]] was annoying the living [[UnusualEuphemism funnel cake]] out of This Troper. Eventually she snapped, saying "Shut up, alright? I will steal your SOUL, okay?! Shut up or I will STEAL YOUR SOUL!" ** Finally, from an MST that she's writing of MyImmortal, one character comments yet again about how much she wants this to be over. That lead to this: "You are going to plant your ass in that cushion and stop whining, or so help me I will grab you by your upper and lower jaws and pull at them beyond their breaking point, so that you bleed and bleed and DIE, and then inside your mouth will a demon be cast, opening a portal TO HELL that will CONSUME YOU COMPLETELY. IN YOUR OWN MOUTH. I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOURSELF." *** Make it four. A classmate was pissing her off for a stupid reason, and she finally shouted, "I will ram my fist up your urethra!" Best reaction she's ever gotten. * This Troper and his friends have a few: ** "Don't make me lobotimize you with this candy cane." ** "May rabid space goats devour your liver!!" ** "I shall tear out your soul, nibble on it, and then beat it with that desk!" ** "I shall replace your heart... with a hampster... a LIVE hampster... with delicate and pricise surgury... using only that table!! And then I will steal your shoe." * This is my favorite kind of threat. I once threatened to beat a kid to death by tying a cougar and an eagle together to make a flail of sorts. * This troper once said "Would you like me to smash your liver with a rusty hammer?" Unfortunately there was nobody to say it to. * I own a forum, and I have a very persistent troll, who I banned and he keeps spamming my inbox asking to be unbanned. After a few increasingly less polite replies to him, my final reply was "Contact me again and I will shove a copy of the forum's rules up your ass sideways!!" * This Troper's current standby is "I will bludgeon you to death with a goddamn tire iron!". My most colorful one so far though was a threat towards my friend's new boyfriend...[[ToThePain "I will cut your back open with a rusted butter knife, grab you by the shoulder blades, throw you into a wood chipper, but pull you out as soon as you've lost your legs. I will then proceed to tear your shoulder blades out the rest of the way with my bare hands.]] [[TranquilFury And then you will bleed to death, screaming in agony, while I sip on fine wine and watch you like my favorite soap opera, laughing madly. That is what will happen if you hurt her."]]

* I occasionally shout "I will loot your corpses!" at enemies in [=RPGs=] in a manner not un-akin to AxeCop's shouting of "I will chop your heads off!" * This troper likes "Do X again and I will redefine your tragically extended final moments as pain and misery." Usually followed by: (Beat) "I'm not only going to kill you, but I will do it in such a way that it hurts for a really long time before you finally die." ** And also, "I will mail you to all 50 states." (Beat) "SIMULTANEOUSLY" * This troper likes, "When I'm through with you, there won't ''be'' a body to recover". He also likes, "I will rip your balls off, fry them, and shove them down your throat, pan and all!" * Classic standby: I'll tear off your arm and beat you to death with the soggy end! It was referencing something, but I can't remember what. * Years of dealing with bullies made death threats my usual greeting, great language knowledge made my greetings elaborate: "Another word and I'll hang you to the nearest lamp pole. By the ears." ->'''Friend:''' ... and what if I splashed you with water? ->'''Me:''' then I'd splash you with your own blood. ->'''Me:'''Please, stop that. ->'''Friend:''' Or what, you're going to shove your hand in my mouth and pull out my stomach? ->'''Me:''' Dear God, no. Where do you get such ideas from? That's terrible. And it's not as terrible as it is illogical. I mean, if I were to put my hand deep enough in your throat, then my hand would be ''inside'' your stomach. I couldn't possibly pull it out. Unless, of course, I were to poke my way out your stomach wall, grab it, turn it upside-down'''and then''' pull it out. But before that I'd better cut the connection to your intestine, or else all your digestive organs would come out, while I wanted only the stomach. * Two favourites: "I'm going to shove your head so far up your ass you can lick your own tonsils!" and "I will take you for a drive in the country and hang you by the guts from the first electric fence I see!" * This troper's brother used to have a friend that liked to threaten "I'm going to shoot you right between the nose!" * This troper threatens to kill people with wooden spoons, cardboard rolls, spools, erasers, and other things that are around. Sometimes a combination thereof. Usually wooden spoons. * '''''[[Tropers/DeathToSquishies I'LL]] MURDER YOUR FACE WITH A TOOTHBRUSH.''''' ** On that note, "I feel inclined to inform you that should you not silence your big bazoo within the next 60 seconds, I shall drive this pen so deep into your skin that your lungs will be circulating ink for the next month." * "Fuck you up the ass with a rusty chainsaw." Alternatively, "with a pineapple." ** Also, "I'll kick your face in so hard it will come out of your ass."

** "I'll kill you, cut you into pieces, feed you to rabid dogs and burn their poop." * "I'll castrate you with a pair of scissors!" * When this Troper's very good friend tweeted a suicide note (thank god it didn't work), this troper was going crazy out of her mind when her friend didn't pick up the phone, so she could talk her friend out of it. Through the 10 minutes (felt like 10 years) that the phone was ringing, this troper was muttering "if you killed yourself, I'm going to kill you." Realizing the humor of her statement was the only thing keeping her sane at the moment. * [[{{Tropers/Metalitia}} I]] came up with a rather odd exclamation, which I then later adapted into this kind of threat. -> Me: "Ow, you stabbed me in the knife!" -> Which then became "I will stab you in the knife." Just for lulz. * The TropeNamer has become a RunningGag between my sister and I. I'm still working on my two BFFs at college, especially since one of them repeatedly jokes about killing herself and/or castrating my exboyfriend with a spoon. * "Yes, I can't beat you up, but your soul will be so delicious to rend." * [[Tropers/AdelePotter I]] tend to threaten to "impale you upon your own pencil. Then, I will remove all your internal organs and give them to people you hate so they can eat them. I will feed your flesh to sharks and your blood to mosquitoes." * "First, I'll slowly chop off your fingers, one by one. Then, I'll shove them in groups of two up your ears and nostrils, and then one each up your asshole and your dick, even if you don't have one. Then, I'll inject paint into your eyes, and not the nice, modern type of paint, but that old type of paint from some hundreds of years ago that apparently contained various toxins. After that, I'll spoon out your paint-filled eyes, ad force-feed you them while I slowly rip off the skin on both your arms and legs. An if you're still alive after all of this, I'll lower you into a vat full of acid, feet first." * "I WILL RIP YOUR LIMBS OFF AND THROW YOU INTO THE DEAD SEA." * [[Tropers/WarriorOfLight This Troper]] has taken to using "I'll cut your appendix out with a gummy worm, castrate you with the blunt side of a Snickers, and gauge your eyes out with my cock" as his "please stop talking to me" threat. ---Return [[CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon here]] or I'll cut your heart out with a spoon. * If you try that, then I'll have to rip you lungs out. ''Through your ears.'' ** [[ThatGuyWithTheGlasses And shove them back through his nose, no doubt.]] ** Tropers/AdelePotter would like to thank you all for making her laugh so hard she almost pissed herself. <<|TroperTales|>>

CuttingTheElectronicLeash

Sometimes, throwing your phone, your pager, or whatever device is tying you to your job can feel ''much, much more'' liberating than just turning it off. The proof of this? Just look at these stories: ---* I, [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]], after finally passing digital electronics and suffering with the RS-232 protocol (in layman, the computer's serial port), broke in half my [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MAX232 MAX232]] chip and cut my capacitors with a pair of wire pliers. ''Never has the sight of electrolyte bubbling from a capacitor felt so pleasant and relaxing''. * This editor had a pager that was part of his job - monitoring Cable TV Broadcast equipment. When I was called to the main office and told that it was my last day, in reply I almost threw the pager across the table. * This troper's father is a network consultant with a fairly large computer company that isn't a piece of fruit, and as one of the most senior employees, he's "on call" at least half the time. He says his dream is, after retirement, to take that pager and skip it like a rock into the waves on a beach in Key West. * This troper got fed up with his mobile phone repeatedly ringing one evening while he was close to emotional breakdown and trying to have a heart-to-heart conversation with someone, and (cos it was a flippy phone) opened it to answer... and kept opening until the top snapped off. Man that felt good. * This troper's friends apparently have no concept of when he is at work or not. This, more often than not, leads to him cutting the leash ''while at work''. * This troper had a total nightmare week due to a dying PC. Solution: Log splitter. Best stress relief EVER. * This troper was on Winter Drumline at my school. The director was getting mad at us for messing around. Cue phone being thrown across the gym where it smashed into a wall and broke off into it's (normally removable) parts. It still worked, but I heard the phone whistling as it flew past. We worked hard after that. * This troper, after a very bad week at work which culminated in the termination of his employment, decided to his problem in a highly enjoyable fashion. Cue judicious use of high explosives on a simple pager. * This troper used to almost never have his cell phone on, because nobody ever called him but his parents and he really didn't want to talk to them. Unfortunately, now that he's having phone interviews with prospective employers, that doesn't work out so well. * A roomate of this troper went for a swim. When he came back out of the water and went to his pile of clothes/pocket contents, he discovered that his cell phone was missing. After a few minutes of contemplation, he decided that not having a phones wasn't such a bad idea. Of course, he immediately found his phone nearby. But he had made his decision, so he threw the phone into the lake and has yet to replace it. He is both crazy and much smarter then I am. * This troper was once trying to fix a cheap piece of crap of a router that had never gone 12 hours without a problem since it came out of the box. (A tip to everybody reading this: Don't buy any products from

D-Link. Two routers from them and neither one worked worth beans.) It felt so satisfying to just stomp the router flat right before buying a new one from a brand that doesn't suck. ** YourMileageMayVary. My D-Link router has worked fine for several years. I'll only be upgrading it soon to get one with better wireless security protocalls. ** Ditto. Mine's worked like a charm for years now; the only times it's conked out on me are when either 1) everyone else on the block lost their internet as well, or 2) I forgot to pay the bill. Mmm, broadband. ** Ditto the YMMV. I had a D-Link for a few years; I finally had to replace it after a power surge took out the WAN and two LAN ports (oddly enough it still worked, but only two ports and no WAN made it next to useless.) That same incident messed up a computer - might have been part of the path that damaged the router. The Siemens router I had before that was another story; I entertained the thought of using that one for skeet SEVERAL times. * This Troper does it for two days out of the week, where he has to cover his Nightporter's days off in the Hotel he works in, and do the graveyard shift. ''Nothing'' [[RantInducingSlight invokes his wrath]] as much as someone ringing him about something unimportant like ''getting someone else's phonenumber'', or ''when they're getting paid next'' when you've just been asleep for 2 hours and it's daylight out, and whatnot. * Something of a rule for [[DeltaOne This Troper]] and his friends whenever we go on roadtrips. All cellphones, pagers and whatever get passed to the guy behind the passenger (because they're "Comms") who is responsible for not allowing the outside world to interfere with our roadtrip. HilarityEnsues when boyfriends call and get Comms going, "No, she can't come to the phone. No, I can't tell you why. Go away!" ** Just to clarify, the driver is the Driver, the passenger is Navigation, the one beind the driver is Logistics (they have the food/drinks) and the one behind Navigation is Comms. The one in the middle is Tailgunner, who has no role until the UK weakens its gun control laws enough for me to mount a turret on the back of my car. * From this troper's physics class:\\ PA: Teachers, please excuse the following announcement... \\ Dr. [REDACTED]: NO!\\ PA: Will the following students--\\ (rips PA box off wall) ** [[@/SoWeAteThem My]] AP history teacher had the same contempt for the high school intercom. He did, however, know the location of the off switch. ** If I am right: you're not the only one who reads tjbash. If I am wrong: Cool Story, Bro. * When [[@/{{endlessness}} I]] moved to Linux, I happily destroyed all my (pirated) [=CDs=] of Windows software. * This is one of the reasons this troper doesn't have a cell phone at all. Want my attention? Leave me a [[PrecisionFStrike fuckin']] email. ---If you can't bring yourself to turn off the computer and go outside for a change, you can go back to Main/CuttingTheElectronicLeash

instead. ----

CuttingTheKnot * Is this troper the only one who's ever been lazy enough to want his shoes off, looked at the tightly tied laces, then looked at the readily available pair of scissors on the desk and thought "fuck it, shoelaces are only 70"? ** 50 for me, but yeah. * This Troper can solve a Rubik's Cube in 90 seconds without turning it once. How? [[spoiler: Six different colors of paint.]] ** Is this basically the updated version of solving the cube by taking the stickers off and putting them back on again in the right order? * An incident like this happens a lot when I roleplay, which is why I no longer make these puzzles despite enjoying solving them when they come. One example is when I have the only door of a relatively small dungeon room locked by a gate, with half the party on one end (outside), the other half of the party on the other end (trapped inside) and [[FriendToAllLivingThings one of the players, who was a beast master of cute critters]], [[RidiculouslyCuteCritter had a pet cat]] who was fighting with another, larger monster over a [[PlotCoupon doll]] [[SpeakFriendAndEnter where their fights were heavily focused on with the intent to hint that the door is unlocked and can be pushed open whenever the doll's head fell off, but locks if the doll's head is reattached]]. The door is [[GodModding nigh indestructible]] to ''[[BeyondTheImpossible anything]]'', and the parties are quick to notice that no matter what attack they throw, no matter how powerful the attack is, it won't leave so much as a dent because the dungeon "cell" was mentioned to be specifically designed to hold incredibly powerful god-like monsters (which explains why travelers, who have an eighth of said god-mon's powers, couldn't do anything to it). What do they do? They spend half of one week nuking the door to high hell, alternating on who nukes the door to high hell between inside and outside (all the while that tamer's cat kept stealing the doll, but was perfectly content to make its master hug it as opposed to allowing the other mon to take its head off if not do so itself), the other half to spam attacks for as long as possible, and nearly half of a second week was spent nearly causing a cave-in for the party inside the dungeon trying to blast the surrounding walls to get around the door, only to find ''even more of the indestructible barred walls was built within the surrounding dungeon walls''. [[SarcasmMode Because, of course, they figured people who want to trap powerful gods inside what essentially is a giant cage would only bother building an indestructible door and won't take into account said god can blast the rest of the cell to break free]]. (As for the doll, the tamer got annoyed and tried to kill the other monster who kept trying to grab for the doll's head. Eventually I got the monster to be so agitated it ripped the doll's head off while the tamer was holding it despite getting attacked by the cat for it). It took them so long to realize that the doll had something to do with the door

that I not only had to solve the connection in front of them myself, but push the door open afterward to let them go (because even when they attacked during a time the doll lost its head, they were attacking the surrounding walls they unearthed as opposed to the door, and it didn't occur to any of them that the door was unlocked until the monster blatantly opened it to walk through. ''TWICE''.). [[{{Wallbanger}} *HEADDESK* *HEADDESK* *HEADDESK*]]. ** Then there was a second incident that seemed more like the players were [[JerkAss The Fellowship of the Dicks]] than they were stumped. There was a boss they had to face, but it is only defeatable if they take advantage of its elemental weakness: water. The easiest weapon that is of the water element is an artifact guarded by a whole collection of races who were made entirely out of water. The solution? The players had a member of the party who was of the same race as these watery people and could ask the chief for the artifact to take with them, because they were a known important diplomat to them. ''Their'' solution? Try to kill everyone by slicing them to bits despite the fact, as water people, they regenerate back to normal no matter how many times you slice them. In the end I just had an NPC among the people feint ignorance that these people and what is essentially their prince tried to slaughter them all and just give them the damn artifact anyways, because it didn't occur to any of them that they could just. Oh, I dunno.... ''ASK?!'' * This troper once had to do one of those "you have a 3 gallon bucket and a 5 gallon bucket. How do you get exactly 4 gallons?" problems. He jokingly suggested drawing a gun, pointing it at the nearest person, and tersely saying, "Four gallons. ''Now''." He still doesn't know how to solve this problem... ** You take a A three gallon fill it then place the three gallons into the five. Now you take the three gallon again and continue filling up the five and stop when the five is full. Empty the five and poor the remaining one gallon from the three. Refill the three and pour it into the 5. Done. *** And the alternate solution: You fill the five, pour three gallons from the five into the three, empty the three, pour the two gallons left in the five into the three, refill the five, and then pour one gallon from the five into the three to top it up and leave four gallons in the five. Double done. * I challenged my players with an unbeatable djinn who forced them, one by one, to answer one nearly impossible riddle each, or he would kill them. And they had three seconds to answer. The first was too surprised by the short time limit to do something, and died. The second just sat there until he was killed. The third decided to strike first and attacked, but was killed by the UNBEATABLE djinn. The fourth said "I don't know"... and passed. The djinn never said the answer had to be RIGHT. ** Killer DM much? * Once, I was replacing a car battery with my father, and I accidentally dropped the wrench into the undercarriage. It wasn't on the ground, and we couldn't see it or reach it no matter how hard we tried, so we resigned ourselves to disassembling the car to get the wrench back. Then I said, "You know, this may be dumb, but why don't

we just drive the car, brake really hard, and shake the wrench out that way?" It worked. * This troper remembers watching her friend play through the Temple of Time mentioned on the Zelda entry for the main page of this trope. Neither of us had played the game before so we didn't know the statue's hammer could smash the gates into pieces. So I watched him work the statue all the way down to the 3rd (at least I think it was the 3rd) floor, and he couldn't find a switch to open the gate blocking the way to the next transporter for the statue. He'd only JUST found out he could make the thing swing its hammer, so after looking everywhere he went over to the gate with the statue and started smacking it with the hammer while shouting "OPEN UP YOU STUPID-!" Right as he said 'stupid', the gate shattered. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment, then hid the wiimote behind his back and protested "I didn't do it!" It's hilarious to watch him play a new Zelda game for the first time. If he gets stuck, he ends up frustrated, and then he usually applies this trope at random. And it always works. I can't wait to see what happens when he gets his hands on Skyward Sword. In a computers class one of the exam questions was "what is the best way to permanently remove information from a hard drive?" My response was: "With a hammer." Got full credit. * BridgeOfDoom: (in my GameWorld, Khelefmiis and Howonda are expys for Europe and Africa) TollKeeper: what is the velocity of an unladen swallow? PC: Do you mean a Khelefmiis or a Howonda swallow? TollKeeper: Khelefmiis. ** The correct answer is "24 mph". Knowledge Animal and such-like dice rolls. Next, TollKeeper asks the velocity of the Howonda Swallow, NPC whispers the answer and crosses the Bridge. PC rolls Listen to hear bits of the answer which is of course, "Nobody knows the velocity of the Howonda swallow. The Howonda swallow's chief weapon is Ignorance and Fear. The Howonda swallow's 2 chief weapons are Ignorance, Fear and a fanatical devotion to the Archbishop of Vayzey. The Howondaland swallow's 3 chief weapons are ..." By which time, NPC has crossed the bridge.

---To get back to the main page, type "h" "t" "t" "p" ":" "/" "/" "t" "v" "t" "r" "o" "p" "e" "s" "." "o" "r" "g" "/" "p" "m" "w" "i" "k" "i" "/" "p" "m" "w" "i" "k" "i" "." "p" "h" "p" "/" "M" "a" "i" "n" "/" "C" "u" "t" "t" "i" "n" "g" "T" "h" "e" "K" "n" "o" "t" into your address bar. Or just [[CuttingTheKnot take a shortcut]]. ----

DaEditor * The former editor of my school's newspaper fitted all the above

requirements, except the cigar, and was a girl. That only made her more intimidating. She is the unequivocal embodiment of this trope. ----

DagwoodSandwich * Troper Tales I know, but I once did some work for a burger bar that did one of these. As a sort of bonus I agreed to give the staff and customers some entertainment by trying to eat one. The owner's mother seemed genuinely concerned I might injure myself. --Michael * In Myrtle Beach, SC, is a restaurant called [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Dagwoods.]] Seriously. * This troper's mother calls the sandwiches this troper makes Dagwoods. Since they're only double-decker, though, this troper is uncertain whether or not this is correct. * [[JusticeReaper I'm]] not sure if this counts, but...once I made a sandwich with the following fillings: a burger patty, a slice of chicken bologna, cheese, a fried egg, lettuce, and tomato. It was pretty hard work just to hold the finished product in place while [[BigEater I ate it]]. * In Montreal, there is a chain of sandwich restaurants called Dagwoods'. Last I checked, it was just a renamed, fancier Subway. * [[llamasrnice I]]once made a sandwich like this, it had 4 layers of bread, 3 layers of bacon,ketchup,cheese, both cheddar and parmesan, dijon mustard,and cranberry sauce , yum. ---Somewhere in that pile of deliciousness is a [[DagwoodSandwich link]] back to the main page.

DamnYouMuscleMemory * This troper plays {{Burnout}} Paradise and Midnight Club: LA on the X360. What is nitro/boost in one game is handbrake in the other (usually A [boost in Burnout, handbrake in MC] or X [handbrake in Burnout, nitro in MC]). Which makes for crashing out the car in Burnout when attempting to boost (and the same when attempting a uturn via handbrake), and accidentally smashing into a traffic or a cop car when attempting to nitro away (and thereby losing a race at a tight corner by accidentally going into the wall, instead of sliding to victory) * RatchetAndClank. KingdomHearts. Both are PS2 games, and both are two of [[Tropers/NeoEevee this troper's]] favorite video games. They also have control schemes and gameplay that are almost complete opposites of one another. See where I'm going here? * This troper used to play Battlefield 2142 quite a bit and was pretty good at it. Sometimes, if a player sneaks up behind you, they'll try and knife you for a humiliation kill - but hit detection on the knife is terrible, so sometimes they'll miss and you'll hear the ''tink'' of their knife hitting the ground next to you. On at least two occassions later on, I was walking around campus only to hear a faint tinkling sound from somewhere, and spun around as quick as I could in a ready stance.

* This troper and his ADD causes problems. Once he starts thinking real hard he just lets muscle memory take care of things, leading to a lot of things he actually didn't want to do. He once went to go get paper towels from the bathroom to clean up a spill, and instead took a shower once he reached the bathroom. * Okay, Tropers, 'fess up. How many of you start looking for the "Edit" button on ''non-editable web pages'' when you find an annoying, easily correctable spelling or grammar error? ** [[Tropers/{{Xevon}} * raises hand* ]] ** [[Tropers/{{todbot1}} Aaaa-yup.]] *** How many of you nearly try to PotHole a {{YouTube}} comment? *** [[Tropers/TheGreatUnknown Guilty on both charges.]] *** [[Tropers/HydroGlobus What do you mean, nearly?]] *** [[Tropers/{{Valbinooo}} Not only do I look for an "edit" button, I also forget that I am not in MS Word and cannot highlight/edit. Very frustrating]] ** And how many of you have tried to use a WikiWord on IRC and halfexpected it to turn into a link? *** [[Tropers/RitiTroll Not IRC, but a forum]]. She still is upset that it doesn't turn into a pretty blue link and her not-so-clever [[PotHole potholing]] skills are for naught. *** The TroperIrcChannel has a bot that gives the URL for any wiki worded trope name said on the channel. ** And how many of you have tried to place a PotHole in your thoughts!? ** And how many of you tried to place a PotHole in RealLife? ** How about using apostrophes to ''italic'' or '''bold''' or '''''both'''''? *** I don't normally do that, but I've slipped up and apostrophed my italics when working on the mock-trope-page on the wiki for an RP I'm in. (We didn't think the RP was sufficiently large, public, or significant to actually put it on TV Tropes proper, but we maintain a big page o'tropes InTheStyleOf this wiki.) *** When I'm talking about TVTropes (or TheOtherWiki) on LiveJournal. Every. Single Time. ** And who here looks for an undo button what they mess up a drawing in real life? * BUMPERS DO NOT JUMP IN [[CallOfDuty CoD 4]]! THAT'S HALO 3! (I use Bumper Jumper) * Not sure if this counts, but this troper will frequently make typos while writing (such as writing "switche'''s'''" instead of "switche'''d'''", or while speaking. ** Did the same thing while writing an essay for Spanish class- kept meaning to finish a Spanish word, but instead adding another letter to make it an English word. ** This troper has a hard time typing the word ration--no wait, ration--argh! ''ratio''. *** In a similar vein, [[Tropers/{{Nyperold}} my screenname]] makes it hard to stop at "r" when typing things like "super". ** Whenever [[Tropers/{{Metz77}} this troper]] attempts to type the state motto of New Hampshire, or even ''say'' it, he always ends up with "Live free or die hard" because of that ''damn'' movie.

** This Tropette was typing essays about Romeo and Juliet, and eventually had to set auto-correct to change Romero to Romeo. * This troper recently switched her coaster brake bike with a bike that has hand brakes and for a while panicked when she tries to apply the coaster brake and nothing happens. * I'm a big RPG fan, and I'd been playing a lot of ''NeverwinterNights'' and ''[=KotOR=]'' recently- both use reasonably similar control schemes, including Space for tactical pausing. I then got out ''{{Warcraft}} 3''. In the middle of a big fight, there's often a fair bit of micromanagement needed to get full use out of your casters. So what do I try to do? Why, I press Space to pause the game to give me time to get everything right. Only problem is, in this game, Space moves you to the location of the last important message... * Switching between ''SuperMarioGalaxy'' and ''The Force Unleashed'' tends to result in a lot of Star Bits wasted. ** A similar thing happens whenever I play Call of Duty before Bioshock or Left 4 Dead. As a result I often either use a plasmid or melee (respectively) when trying to aim through the sights. * This troper just wants to say that following up programming in Python with typing an essay is NOT a good idea. ** This troper concurs; he can't believe how many times he's typed 'if' or 'while' and automatically typed an opening parenthesis. ** [[Tropers/PoochyEXE This troper]] would like to add switching between two programming languages, especially when they're vaguely similar in syntax, such as Java and Python. After spending lots of time with Java, this troper first kept putting parentheses after "if" and forgetting to put colons in Python, then started to omit semicolons in Java. *** In C, argument lists in function declarations are comma-separated. In Lisp, they're space-separated, and commas are used for something completely different. [[Tropers/{{Ambar}} This Troper]] has gotten a few errors for "comma outside of backquoted expression" due to this. *** * blank stare* If you heard a faint whistling sound, that was everything you just said passing over my head... *** [[Tropers/PoochyEXE This troper]] can explain: Say you're calling a function f with the arguments (inputs) 1, 2, and x. In C, you would write "f(1,2,x)" while in Lisp, it would be "(f 1 2 x)" ** Switching between C++ and Java is fun, too. Any object you handle in Java is automatically a pointer. This means they behave roughly the same as C++ pointers, except that you write them like they're not pointers. For member access, for example, a "." in Java does the same thing as a "->" in C++, but a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT thing to a "." in C++. *** [[Tropers/PoochyEXE This troper]] find just as bad the use of << and >> for streams in C++, where Java usually uses + for concatenation. Meanwhile, Java function calls for IO instead of C++'s streams to cout and from cin, and << and >> in Java are reserved for binary shifts. Examples for the uninitiated:\\ '''To output "x = " and the value of x to the console window and start a new line in Java:''' System.out.println("x = " + x);\\ '''To output "x = " and the value of x to the console window and start a new line in C++:''' cout << "x = " << x << endl;\\

'''To append a space to the end of a String named s in Java:''' s = s + " ";\\ '''To append a space to the end of an ostringstream named s in C++:''' s << " ";\\ And even worse is the use of default constructors. "[=ClassName=] x;" (for static memory allocation) or "[=ClassName=] * x = new [=ClassName=];" (for dynamic memory allocation) in C++ calls the default constructor for a class called "[=ClassName=]", both roughly equivalent to "[=ClassName=] x = new [=ClassName=]();" in Java. Meanwhile, "[=ClassName=] x;" in Java creates a null pointer, equivalent to "[=ClassName=] * x = NULL;" or "[=ClassName=] * x = 0;" in C++. The C++ error message you get for an unneeded pair of parentheses is clear as mud, too. * [[Tropers/DarkSoldier This troper]] uses {{UnrealEd}}, Maya, and Photoshop CS3 in his game design courses. They all have mutuallyexclusive interface schemes with one exception: Alt-F4. I also have to use Final Cut Pro; Macs have different function keys than Windows and only one mouse button. ** Nerd rage - rising ... ** OMG YES!!! Why can't they all agree that "CTRL-Z" is undo (and you can undo up the history as many times you want) and "CTRL-Y" is redo? At least all of Microsoft Office's CTRL keyboard shortcuts agree with each other... ** Option(=alt)-click on a Mac = right click. Or just plug in a normal PC mouse, and...right-click. * My bike: Paddle shifters. My GF's bike: Twist shifters. Me+GF's bike=Accidental braking. * At one point, this troper somehow got the IRL motion of glancing at her watch associated with opening the menu of a video game. When exploring a new college campus, she spent a good several seconds looking at her watch and trying to remember which command would pull up the map... that she was holding in her other hand. ** You wouldn't happen to be a fan of Goldeneye? ** If you start doing that IRL, you ''' ''might'' ''' wanna consider taking a bit of a break from the game, hon... * [[Tropers/{{Leradny}} This troper]] has been a casual ballroom dancer for several years and still struggles when she switches from any dance with smooth, light steps to any of the Latin dances. * This troper was a tetris grandmaster on the computer. Then he switched from a Widescreen laptop to a smaller one with about 75% the size keyboard. Many a game has been lost due to hitting up instead of Shift at the wrong moment, causing a turn instead of swapping out the Terimino. * Try playing ''FinalFantasyIX'' and ''Yugioh GX Tag Force Evolution'' back to back. You'll wonder why the menus are broken. * You can also try playing the XBOX360 clone of ''FinalFantasyXIII'' and ''DragonQuestIX'' back and forth. You'll be pressing A when you want to press B and vice versa, you'll also be opening the map (button X) insted of the menu (button Y) a hell lot of the time. Happy frustration! * ''RedAlert 3'': Use ability with right mouse button. DawnOfWar 2: Left mouse button. See where [[Tropers/SkarmoryThePG This Troper]] is

going? ** This Troper had the same problem, in reverse. He went from RedAlert ''2'' to DawnOfWar, and spent his first three hours with the game getting massacred by selecting enemy units instead of blowing them to kingdom come. * This troper has, on multiple occasions, attempted to press ctrl-z or the like while writing with pen and paper. ** Same - I've done art on the computer for years, and still find myself looking for the "undo" button when drawing with pen and paper. I've also caught myself checking the bottom-right corner of mirrors, etc. for the clock. ** Dear lord, I'm not the only one whose done this? Funny thing though, after it happened, it made me feel more depressed than anything else: --> Troper: (Makes a mistake while drawing. Does the Ctrl-Z motion with his fingers.) --> *Nothing happens.* --> Troper: (Remembers that he's not at a computer.) ''Sigh'' (Picks up eraser and erases his mistake ''manually''.) * [[Tropers/{{Dallenson}} Me]] in both {{Battlezone}} games (From Activision and Pandemic Studios), I have caught Myself telling a Recycler/Matriach to deploy on a Scrap pool (Which resembled geysers from the first game in which Your Recycler/Factory/Armoury deploys on) * [[Tropers/{{HolocronCoder}} This troper]] often, when he can't find something in his room, will want to press apple+space, the OS search function in Mac OSX. ** [[Tropers/{{mehayo}} This troper]] on the other hand, constantly prays for an crtl+F function when doing book research. * This troper became fed up with wanting a "control+F" for books after it happened so many times, that he started finding PDFs of books, so he could do exactly that. They're more common than you'd think. ** This troper used that command for switching IMEs since Panther. In Tiger, that got shoved out of the way for Spotlight... and so for every new install, it's been Damn You Muscle Memory indeed. * [[Tropers/MiffTheFox This Troper]] will forever curse Visual Studio's mapping of Ctrl+W to "open utility window", due to it being the "close tab/window" button in pretty much ''everything else''. * In [[LaPucelle La Pucelle: Tactics]], the Execute and End Turn commands are switched in contrast to how they're used in many other [[RolePlayingGame SRPGs]] (N1 and otherwise), often making me lose turns. * Whenever this troper goes back to play one of the ''LegendOfZelda: Oracle'' games, she always seems to get the urge to play one of the classic ''Pokemon'' games at the same time. This results in attempting to open Link's pokemon menu, and attempting to slash grass with Red's sword. * I played ''MegaMan & Bass'' via emulation [[NoExportForYou before its]] US release. As I did with all the ''MegaManX'' & ''MegaManZero'' games, I mapped Bass' dash to the R button. When the [=GBA=] release came out, they took out control mapping, so the only way to dash is double-tap forward. It makes Bass' game [[FakeDifficulty unnecessarily hard]].

* I'm forever instinctively center-clicking links when I'm forced to use Internet Explorer, in which it brings up the directional scroller. In Firefox (which I use), this opens the link in a new tab. And speaking of IE (specifically IE6): Clicking a read link or a comment link in ''Engadget'' will always crash IE6. I've killed many a session forgetting that. Now guess what the entire district where I work uses? ** Strangely, that first bit is the way I discovered middle-clicking opens a new tab in Firefox; I was trying to scroll around in an iframe, and wondered where this tab was coming from... ** Firefox: Ctrl+F and start typing. If you've serched once since opening the browser, go down and to the left. IE: Ctrl+F, up and to the right. *** It gets worse: depending on the browser, the text box for "Find" can appear in the lower left (Firefox), upper right (IE7/Chrome), or upper left (IE8). * For some reason, the default page-turning action on the [[http://www.ebookwise.com/ eBookwise]] is the upper of the two pageturn buttons. 20 years of computers tell me that ''down'' moves toward the ''end'' of a document. This is "reverse paging" in the [=eBookwise=] settings. Why? I dunno. ** well, think for a second. when you're reading a physical book, do you grab the upper corner or the bottom corner when you turn a page? *** The middle of the page. *** Bottom, or the page itself. That leaves this (right-handed) troper's left hand free to type. * In a ''FreeSpace 2 VideoGame/WingCommander'' mod, [[{{Night}} This Troper]] kept hitting the wrong key for missile launch. This is a fairly impressive testament to the success of the mod, considering it had been about seven years since he had played an authentic Wing Commander game. ** If you think that's bad, try moving from the ''X-Wing'' series to ''FreeSpace 2''. By default, the button that means "Target ship in reticle" in the X-Wing games means "Fire secondary weapon" in FreeSpace. * {{Tropers/Jonn}} kept finding himself flanking other units in ''AdvanceWars'', despite the full knowledge that that mechanic thing was from FinalFantasyTacticsAdvance, a game he had last played more than ''years'' earlier. * This troper is a bad example of this whenever he plays the online multiplayer [[{{Tetris}} tetromino game]] ''[[http://omgpop.com/#/arcade/gamelobby/blockles Blockles]]''. On most ''Tetris'' clones that he plays on his computer, he maps A and D to counterclockwise rotation, S to clockwise, Space to hold piece (if it exists), Left and Right for sideways movement, Up for fast drop, and Down for slow drop. Well, Blockles has a very counterintuitive control scheme: Left and Right are sideways movement, Down is fast drop, and this is where similarities end: fast drop (and he means locking hard drop, not the "firm drop"/"sonic drop" feature from ''Tetris: The Grand Master'' that he's accustomed to) is '''Space''', counterclockwise rotation is '''Up''', and there's no clockwise rotation button. This leads to misdrops involving hitting Space with the intent to hold a piece (''Blockles'' doesn't have this feature) or

Up to do a fast drop. [[ItGotWorse It gets worse]] at times when he mistakes Space for, for whatever reason, the ROTATE button. Although he can get around this by using [[http://www.electracode.com/4/joy2key/JoyToKey%20English%20Version.ht m JoyToKey]] to map keyboard buttons to one of his game controllers, there's only so much he can do when he has ''one rotation button!'' * Play ''{{Halo}} 3''. Then play Mirror's Edge less than a minute afterwards. Then after that play Dead Rising. It will INFURIATE you. * This troper picked up ''TheLegendOfZelda: Twilight Princess'' recently after a long time, and started cursing her thumbs almost immediately. It turns out, in many games, a context-sensitive "A" button will prompt your character to pull him or herself up over a ledge when hanging onto it. In LegendOfZelda, it prompts you to ''let go of the ledge''. This contributed to many, ''many'' falls to a horrible fiery death in lava when said Troper got to the Goron Mines... * [[Tropers/{{Ambar}} This Troper]] has this problem with ''speech''. If I've been talking about trees for a while, the next time I try to use the word "three" I will mess it up. ** That ain't nothing. [[{{Tropers/Lioyd}} He]] finds himself inadvertantly using English spellings when speaking French, ''his native tongue''. * [[Tropers.{{Gerusz}} This troper]] did karate for quite a while. So watch how he reacts to any sudden move in his 1 meter proximity. ** [[Tropers/MutantRancor This troper]] has the same reaction, and he's never had any martial arts training. Must've watched way too many shonen anime to drop into something resembling a fighting stance whenever something unexpected happens...not that I'll stop. Strangely, I have the same reaction in video games, which often leads to a "save it for the enemy" or "I'm on ''your'' side" moment. If playing on my team, either remain visible at all time or make sure friendly fire is turned off. ** [[Tropers/CorporealWolf This one too.]] He has no idea where he got it from though. 2 months of Tae Kwon Do, that was some 6 years ago. He's still advising people to not be behind me, lest he accidentally maul them. ** After growing up learning Kung Fu, this troper still elbows people who enter a nine inch zone behind him. Regrettably, he can't stop it. ** [[Tropers/{{Claystripe6514}} I]] had a variant of the above problem. Whenever someone places their hand on my shoulder from behind me, I will automatically pivot and smack their arm away with a downward elbow... followed by an upward elbow to the chin/nose. I barely managed to restrain myself from doing it to my 80-year-old ''grandfather'' once. ** This troper did martial arts for eight and a half years, throughout his childhood and adolescence. He's been out of the game for 3 years now, but he still has scarily quick reflexes when defending himself, and the ability to do very nasty things to a person very quickly. Unfortunately, this has led to dumb playground fights having...[[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown disproportionate endings]]. Gotten him in a lot of trouble. * The first 3D games I ever played were flight sims. In flight sims,

you push the stick forward to point your nose downward. Now I occasionally play console [=FPSes=] with my friends, on dual analogue, in which you pull the stick backward to aim down. Needless to say, every time I play I need to invert the stick, else I'll spend the whole game alternately staring at the ground or the sky. (Since I'm on someone else's console, I can't just leave it set like that, either.) ** Seconded. Worse, my first FPS was ''DukeNukem3D'', which played like a flight sim, which led to many problem when switching to other games... ** And on the same theme, ''FinalFantasyVII'': [[GlobalAirship Highwind]] vs. [[GoldenSaucer Speed Square]]. * Before college, I worked mainly with [=PCs=], and the Macs at school were always iMacs - computer and monitor in one. So the first time I encountered a Mac tower, I spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out where the button was that would make the CD/DVD drive open. When I finally went to another student for help, I was directed to the "eject" button on the keyboard... that I hadn't remembered was even there. * This troper is a fan of the ''GodOfWar'' and ''DynastyWarriors'' series, which have virtually identical control setups. In God of War, being able to roll quickly to evade attacks is a major part of the gameplay, but in Dynasty Warriors 5, there is no roll maneuver, which has caused this troper to accidentally activate (and waste) a [[SuperMode Musou Rage]] token while trying to roll out of the way of an enemy attack, because they're both mapped to the right analogue stick. Also, the O button is the grab in God of War, but in Dynasty Warriors, it activates your [[LimitBreak Musou attack.]] Yeah... * This troper's brother started playing ''TombRaider 2'' after an extended addiction to Rayman. I will never let him live down using a key on the keyboard to try to get Lara to use her hair to fly instead of the key for jumping. * [[Tropers/{{Nohbody}} I]] (screw "This Troper") had problems when first playing the {{MMORPG}} [[SimulationGame Space Sim]] ''Jumpgate'', after years of playing VideoGame/WingCommander. Jumpgate uses pseudo-Newtonian physics for ship movement, while Wing Commander... does not. As going too fast when you dock can kill you in Jumpgate, trying the Wing Commander landing routine, which is speedindependent, can become messy, particularly since cutting the throttle does ''not'' stop you almost instantly, like it does in WC. If your ship is loaded with heavy cargo, you generally can't turn tail-first and counter-thrust in time before going "splat". * It always throws me for a loop whenever I go back to play ''FinalFantasyTactics'' after playing.. pretty much any other game, really, only to find that the button that's usually "cancel" is suddenly the "select" button and vice-versa. Sure, it makes sense: O for yes, X for no, but still... ** [[Tropers/JET73L This troper]] can't remember how many times he was frustrated when starting a new game on ''FinalFantasyVII''. He has no idea any more with what game he trained himself into it, but ''X is yes, Triangle is page back!'' Makes the Gold Saucer minigames so much more frustrating since the instructions go by the original controls instead of the personalized ones.

* This troper often has trouble with the new dualspec system in ''WorldOfWarcraft'' because his specs feature very different button configurations. He keeps pressing the wrong buttons when playing on his secondary spec because he's used to the configuration on his main spec. * Whenever this troper is forced to use Internet Explorer for reasons of compatibility, he finds himself spending a lot of time trying to use the mouse gestures that he has installed in Firefox. * Having played ''{{Crysis}}'' this troper continues to try to switch suit modes in every other FPS he plays. * This troper was recently visiting a friend who lives in Washington DC. As he was entering the area, he idly noticed a sign for the Pentagon. Hey, the Pentagon! I wonder how the Brotherhood is doing nowadays? I'll just pull up my pipboy and hop on over - DAMNIT! * A police office this troper once read about in her Psychology textbook used to train himself how to knock guns out of criminals' hands. He'd set up a scenario where a friend would point a gun at him, he'd grab it, aim it at said friend, then give it back. Then he met a criminal with a gun. It worked wonderfully, and he disarmed the man... and then he gave it back. Luckily, the criminal was too shocked to do much but hold the gun and stare until the other officers came and took him down. ** There are many more stories like this floating around. Apparently, in episodes of high stress / heartrate, most people start relying on muscle memory to the exclusion of their brain. Two examples: *** A private detective happens to be in the habit of dialing Information instead of writing numbers down. While cleaning his gun one evening, he shoots himself. He tries to dial 911... but his fingers dial 411. He does this ''several times over'', knowing exactly what's going on but unable to help himself. *** When shooting on the range, if empty shells are expended (I don't know from guns), it is apparently customary to pocket them for tidiness. On the battlefield, this wastes time and is not recommended. Nevertheless, soldiers on the battlefield would later find shells in their pockets with no memory of putting them there. * The ''HalfLife2'' vs. ''Left4Dead'' example is a real-life story. * Camera control conflict: ''SkiesOfArcadia'' versus ''TheLegendOfZelda: The Wind Waker''. * Happens with [[Tropers/{{chitoryu12}} this troper]] often when playing a new game after spending a long time playing one of a similar genre. Not entirely the same, but he can't under any circumstances write while singing; he ends up writing the lyrics instead. * Averted by [[Tropers/TropeKira this troper,]] who can remember which buttons do what on a controller and can separate TV remotes. Sadly, my dad refuses to hand me the remote when he can't find what he's loooking for. * Last time I wrote an English essay, I kept referring to things by their trope names. Would also count as a TVTropesWillRuinYourLife, if not for the fact that I not only got an A, but extra credit. * Going from SuperMarioGalaxy to VideoGame/SuperMario64 found me shaking the controller for an no-exsistent spin-jump ** Also going from [[MarioKart Mario Kart Wii]] to [[MarioKart Mario

Kart DS]] found me tilting my friends DS trying to steer. D'oh ** A case of DamnYouMuscleMemory actually '''''helped''''' this troper. Whilst playing EpicMickey, he attempted a jump and nearly fell short, which would have resulted in a never-ending plummet to Mickey's death. His habit of making poor jumps and then spinning carried over from SuperMarioGalaxy to EpicMickey. Mickey's swing attack gave him '''''just''''' enough distance to catch the ledge and stop from falling. * At one point, I was going back and forth between ''EccoTheDolphin: Defender of the Future'' and ''TheLegendOfZelda: Majora's Mask''. The first is, basically, a very pretty 3D dolphin simulation, and the second has some of the best underwater controls in the ''Zelda'' series; at one point in ''Majora'', I attempted to do a quick-stop from ''Defender'' while swimming around as Zora-Link. ...Did I mention ''Majora's Mask'' is a Nintendo 64 game and ''Defender'''s for the [=DreamCast=]? - Tropers/SparkyLurkdragon * After a nostalgia-trip session of Driver and Driver 2, this troper switched back over to GTA IV. Most control differences are easy to reconcile, with one exception: L1 in Driver is sharp turn. In GTA IV, it fires your weapon. Needless to say, local law enforcement was unsympathetic. * This troper always plays one video game exclusively for a long period of time, and then plays nothing until finding another one, so certain patterns get very ingrained. A Star Wars Battlefront period (where the circle button rolls) was followed by my current passion for KingdomHearts(I). Where the circle button is ''jump''. Cue spending THE FIRST FIVE WORLDS of Kingdom Hearts trying to Dodge Roll away from an attack ''and instead jumping right into it.'' Poor Sora took a lot of undeserved verbal abuse. Bizarrely, never once did I confuse any other commands. * Non-video-game-related example: a fencing drill requiring this troper to never advance, retreat, or lunge. You could parry their attack or hit your partner if they stayed too close to you, but that was it. This troper's instinctive strategy is to jump backwards from attacks and then charge at the opponent recklessly (which isn't the best of strategies anyway). DamnYouMuscleMemory approximately every other minute. It didn't help that the instructor's corrections were, if not Crowning, at least Bejewelling [[CrowningMomentofFunny Moments of Funny]], causing this troper to break into unrepentant-sounding giggles despite extreme frustration. * This troper (Darkurai recently changed his control settings in The Conduit to something he finds superior due to Wiimote waggle no longer throwing off his aim. However, this led to doing what I thought would finish off the guy in front of me whose face was just shotgunned and was quickly reloading, but actually ''made me face the other direction.'' Speaking of which, trying to turn around leads to throwing a ''grenade at the wall in front of me.'' * This troper has found what he thinks is the perfect PC FPS control system. He puts his movement keys in the middle of the keyboard (TGFH). With this setup, he has around 15 more buttons accessible with his left hand, instead of the 9 he can reach using WASD. Hilarity Ensues whenever anybody else tries to play an FPS on his computer, as

(among other things) he canonically maps use to A, auxiliary menus to E, and weapon change settings to S and/or D... * In an inversion of the full-size-keyboard-to-laptop example on the main page, {{JET73L}} usually types with his right hand while using his left arm to hold up the laptop. Since he is rather large and his hands are sized to fit, it's more efficient to type with just one hand anyway on the 90% desktop size keyboard with keys about as third as tall as a desktop keyboard. Not so much when it comes to using a university terminal or borrowing a PC, where his figertips keep getting caught and his alt/ctrl/shift habits go out the window. * [[Tropers/{{Dinru}} This Troper]], upon picking up ''TheLegendOfZelda: The Minish Cap'' for the first time in years, she ran into a bit of a problem: The bushes in that game were too similar to the tall grass in ''{{Pokemon}} Pearl'', causing her to habitually avoid them. After a while, however, she managed to stop doing that. However, when she went back to Pokemon again after that... * Opera browser has mouse gestures. This troper doesn't use most of them, but "Back" and "Forward" are so ingrained in this troper's memory, that he always has a hard time in IE. * This Troper was arranging a song to be played on piano, and after a few days was told that it'd sound better if the left hand took the melody for part of it. I found it totally impossible and had to switch my arms over in a highly uncomfortable way to even be able to play it sounding like that at all. I happened ot not play the song for about a week, and was then able to retrain myself appropriately. * [[TsundeRay This troper]], when he was regularly playing ''InitialD Arcade Stage 4'', would have no problems transisting from other driving games to that, but going from ''Initial D 4'' to another racing game ''always'' posed a problem due to the unique way ''[=ID4=]'' is played--on ''Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3'', for instance, he would steer too hard or attempt to tap the brake to initiate [[GoodBadBugs penalty cancel]]. Additionally, he has no problem driving his real-life car after playing most racing games for a long time, but if he's been playing ''[=ID4=]''' for a long time, he initially finds himself not turning the wheel hard enough to make a real turn. ItGotWorse when one of the arcades around his area upgraded their ''Initial D 4'' cabinet from the more common version 1.2 to 1.5, which significantly alters a mechanic involving entering a corner too fast. Needless to say, he doesn't play ''Initial D'' anymore. * Upon reaching the bottom of this page, [[Tropers/EtherealFrog This Troper]] left clicked the link, rather than right-click slight down, left click, which is open link in new tab in K-Meleon, and probably other browsers, which I usually do. I had to press backspace to get back here and edit. Damn you lack of muscle memory! * [[Tropers/{{Unistrut}} This Troper]] has two Volvos, both mideighties 240 series. One is a two door sedan with turbocharger, body bracing, strut tower bracing, thickened sway bars, Bilstein shocks, Yokohama touring tyres, four speed gearbox with overdrive and a radio that is low down in the center of the dash. The ''other'' Volvo is a completely stock base model wagon with a five speed gearbox and a radio located high in the center of the dash. My morning commute is a daily game of DamnYouMuscleMemory as I reach the wrong place for the

radio, try to shift into a non-existent fifth gear, tap the top of my gearshift trying to hit the overdrive button that's on the other car or wonder when the hell the turbo's going to spin up before realizing that this is as fast as I'm going to go. Then I reach a corner and my brain forgets I don't have $1,000 worth of handling upgrades until the car starts to oversteer and lean like a galleon in a strong wind. * [[Tropers/AXavierB This troper]], while playing ''Half-Life 2'', kept trying to do ''Mirror's Edge'' parkour moves. * This troper died in the first dungeon of "Ocarina of Time" Master Quest because of this trope. * This troper's brother played waaay too much Urban Terror, which uses the usual T to chat. He then found himself writing an essay for school. And starting every sentence with t. * Occasionally, this troper will play an arcade game, but accidentally have his fingers shifted to the side, so as to be over the wrong buttons. Naturally, throwing a grenade when you needed to jump, or jumping when you needed to attack doesnt usually end well. * This troper had worked as a cashier for a couple years before ever using the service desk register, which faces the opposite way from the store's regular checkouts with approximately half of functions reversed. Let's just say I'd be a dangerous man in a right-hand-drive car. ** Same guy, years earlier, a HighSchool woodshop assignment was to modify oars to accept large knobs (off-the-shelf doorknobs) on the ends. This was for a camp for special needs kids, to prevent the oars from falling through the oarlocks. Rule Number One of rowing is "Don't drop the oars"; using a non-electric wheelchair is about the same movement except that you let go at the end. It was explicitly explained to us as a muscle-memory thing. * This troper has been playing some BulletHell games lately. In most of these made by Cave, you slow down by holding down the shooting button, which will also activate a laser or somesuch depending on the game. In the {{Touhou}} series, you press a different button entirely to slow down, which can get a bit harrowing if you need slow down and realize you're already holding down the shoot button. Also, bombs are lifesaving mechanisms, but while Touhou gives you a fraction of a second after being hit to activate them... well, most other games don't. D'oh! ** ''Touhou'' offers a "Slow Down" mode which has Cave-style slowdown (hold fire to activate focus mode). * ''{{R-Type}} [[UpdatedRerelease Dimensions]]'' + ''StreetFighter IV'' Fight Pad + A to shoot and X to release and retrieve Force Pod + unremappable controls = What? Force button is ABOVE fire button?! * [[Tropers/JapaneseTeeth This troper]] spends so much time screwing around on this wiki that he keeps trying to italicize stuff with double apostrophes. ** He also once played Star Wars Battlefront for so long that he started instinctively tapping the dpad to reload. While playing Super Smash Bros. He also tends to ArchiveBinge on manga and webcomics simultaneously, so he always reads everything in the wrong order because of the switching. * This troper can't play ''{{NetHack}}'' on a public server, because

he uses the arrow keys to move in his copy, but public servers use HJKL. * This troper used vi on linux so much at one point that whenever he tried to use Microsoft Word, he would try to save it the way you save something in vi. This led to a greet on IRC that only unix users understood: <NiveusLuna> You might use vi too much if you try to save a Word document by using <esc> :w ** * waves* Been there, done that, would get the T-shirt if they made one. ** So does this troper. He finds himself typing :wq everywhere or pressing ^D (log out from a terminal in Linux) to exit a CMD session in Windows. Also, ending everything with a ; when programming in anything other than C. *** This troper has tried to close instant message windows with ":wq" and "exit", both of which seriously confused the people he was talking to. * This troper has pretty much forced this on himself between a few games on Steam. One key does something entirely different among three different games that run on the same engine and control pretty much exactly the same, which is especially troubling because in one of those games the key in question is bound to "self-inflicted CriticalExistenceFailure". ** And this, folks, is why Steam gave us the option to edit which keys we use. Of course, after playing with a certain set for a while, changing it just makes this worse. * Up until this year, every true/false test I had ever taken which was to be marked with X's and O's used the logical X-for-No, O-for-Yes setup. For some reason, this year's teacher wants hers to be marked the opposite way- X is yes, O is no. Apparently, I can sit with the test in front of me and say, "Okay, idiot, X is YES!" and then proceed to mark it the wrong way. To the point where I think, "Alice was a dictator. True. X." and still manage to write an O. * After habitually playing [[FZero F-Zero GX]] and walking everywhere for a few months, the semester ended and [[Tropers/{{Softspoken}} this troper]] started the long drive home. Partway back on the highway, another vehicle gradually pulled up beside him to pass. Mentally, I hit the X button and jerked the analog stick towards the other car. This is how you '''ram other vehicles off the road''' in [[FZero FZero GX]]. I took a break from that game for a while. * This trope is why dotchan prefers BLU in TeamFortress2. Years of playing video games has pounded into her head that blue = ally and red = enemy, and shooting at her teammates wastes ammo. At least as a Pyro, it means she can sometimes catch a Spy in the act. * This Troper actually has made critical fumbles due to muscle memory... in the same game. Being a Soldier fanatic in Team Fortress 2, the muscle memory's something like 'fire rockets until enemy's nearly down, then switch to shotgun and finish him off'. So while trying out the new Soldier unlocks (two of which are not actual weapons but still replace the shotgun in the secondary slot) I was often caught holding the Buff Banner, rather than the shotgun which I had hoped to pull out... * This Troper has an example that tops most others. Once, he had been

having computer troubles and when he realized it basically was beyond hope without reinstalling Windows, he left the reinstall running during a 35 minute wait period, went to do some sketching (yes, on paper) and thought to himself ''multiple times'' that "I should probably save in case the program crashes again". Facepalm when he realized that ''reality'' has no save button... ** Although it sure would be nice if it did, wouldn't it? *** Hey, I've tried to hit command-F to search for keywords when reading a physical paper more times than I can count. ** Reality needs a save button, an undo button, a redo button, and a find button. The fact that it doesn't have one has apparently not gotten through my brain yet. (Yes, I spend too much time typing on the computer. Why do you ask?) * This (brand-new) Troper is unable to play {{Marathon}} and {{HalfLife}} 2 within the same one-week (or so) period. What's really annoying is that * both* of those games allow you to fully customize the controls and I don't use the default set for either game, meaning I get hung up on the little things. Half-Life expects that you'll use the mouse/trackpad for movement, creating the most annoying discrepancies from what I'm used to in Marathon. (Left arrow is sidestep left in Half-Life; it's turn left in Marathon.) Since I got Marathon first (and Marathon started as a Mac-exclusive anyway), I used command as my run key, which created boatloads of annoyance when I switched to Half-Life, since Windows doesn't recognize the command key, forcing me to use option/alt, which is my * sidestep* key in Marathon. (To add an additional layer of annoyance, pressing command while running Windows using all my Mac hardware opens the start menu, minimising anything you happened to be doing at the time. At least it has the decency to * pause* the game before it hides it away from me because I pressed what my muscle memory remains convinced is the sprint key!) * Try and figure this out: ** ''Roblox'' gameplay controls: WASD for movement (also arrow keys), right mouse button (click and hold) + move cursor = camera, "/" is the prompt for chatting, numbers keys are mapped to whatever's in your Inventory (changes between games and depending on what Gear you have), and other keys change based on the level, like the Y key starts a car engine if you have a car tool active. ** ''Toontown Online'' gameplay controls: Arrow keys ONLY for movement, camera is locked behind player (though angles can be cycled through with Tab key), letter and number keys go directly to chat, right-clicking does nothing, left mouse button is used for the [=SpeedChat=] Menu and pretty much any other menu-based stuff, including Cog Battles. ** See the problem? * After playing on her Nintendo DS for years, getting a PSP made [[Tropers/DarkInsanity13 this troper]] curse this trope. Since, you know, on the DS "A" usually means select and "B" means cancel, while on the PSP "X" (located where "B" is on the DS) is select and "O" is cancel. Constantly switching between them is all the more annoying, because once she gets used to one, she'll be doing that particular muscle memory on the other for at least half an hour.

** Speaking of X and O, this troper has that problem going from Asianregion games to US-region and vice versa. (In the former, "O" is confirm" and "X" is cancel; in the latter, it's the other way around.) This is particularly bad in the ''DJMAX Portable'' series; of all the games in the series, only one, ''DJMAX Fever'', is US-region, causing him to accidentally make a lot of wrong menu decisions when he goes from any other game to ''Fever''. *** This troper's having the same problem with [[SuperRobotWarsMX Super Robot Wars MX Portable]]. He constantly finds himself mashing the "O" button on the Home menu to get to the game before realizing to press "X". He adjusts quickly to most control switches, though. * This troper has had "turn the lights off when you enter a room" shoved into his head for so long that he turns on the light in his bathroom then turns it off when he leaves. Said light is burnt out. * This troper once stayed the night at a friend's house, playing Link's Crossbow Training for the Wii until four in the morning (for a total of eight hours.) At that time, said friend decided to go to bed, and I decided to try my hand at Resident Evil 4, also for the Wii. Completely different controls. * This troper has done this to himself after buying a second Wiimote and using it to play both ''HouseOfTheDead OVERKILL'' and ''[[ResidentEvil The Umbrella Chronicles]]'' GunsAkimbo. The most jarring issue is that the reticule colors for each player is reversed between the two games. * Whenever this troper plays ''StarFox 64'' and goes through Aquas, he spams the A (shot), B ([[strike:bomb]] torpedo), and R (DoABarrelRoll) buttons to BS through the stage. So when he gets to the stage after, Zoness, and forgets that his B button weapon is once again limited in stock and that he's now in the air instead of underwater... * ''CityOfHeroes'', by default, uses Q and E to turn left and right and A and D for strafing. I actually like this setup, but not well enough to change every other game's keybindings to make it consistent. So, when switching to or from [=CoX=], I often find myself strafing when I mean to turn and vice versa. (I also tend to hit space trying to jump, even if there's no jump command in the other game.) * Do not go back to traditional [=FPSs=] after playing Fallout 3 for a long time. I was playing Left 4 Dead 2 while screaming "Y IS NOT JUMP! WHY IS Y NOT JUMP!" and confusing the heck out of my friends. * This troper's family has two silver Chrysler Town & Country vans, 2000 and 2002. The parking-brake-release on the 2000 model is in the same location as the HOOD RELEASE on the 2002 model. Cue swearing, getting out, and slamming the hood back down (luckily I have never opened it twice in a row... yet.) ** On the subject of parking brake releases. Guess what's in the same place as the clutch on my other car. Clutch goes all the way in to disengage, so I can start the car. Parking brake goes all the way in to lock the wheels in place. ** Another car related example. My father's car's hand brake is to the right of the driver, like in most right-hand drive cars. My mother's car's is on the left side. The levers for the wipers are also just the other way round (up vs. down). I mostly use my father's car, so this happens a lot on the few occasions I do use my mother's car.

* [[Tropers/{{Ziggerfreud}} This Troper]] is quite reluctant to try out fighting games on MAME because of how whacked the control schemes get, hell, getting ultimate mortal kombat 3 to imitate my MUGEN control setup was a bitch in itself. * In my school district, we must wear ID badges at all times. This leads to habits of fiddling with them all day at school, and constantly checking to make sure they're there. Many people (including myself) will forget them for a day or so, and never notice they're gone. But everyone I know will freak out for a second when they reach for their ID and can't find it outside of school, like at the mall, or out to eat, or asleep in bed. I've even had times when I've exited the shower and reached for my ID badge and freaked. I'm not even wearing clothes, and I expect it to be there. ** Must be too many NotWearingPants dreams ;p * This troper frequently has trouble navigating menus in US-region PlayStation games. Why? In nearly every other video game system ever made, the button for "confirm" is immediately to the right of the "cancel" button and usually a little ways up. This standard was even maintained in Japanese PlayStation games. So why the frak did the numbskulls at SCEA change it for the US? * There is no sprint button in Fallout 3! Pressing the left stick makes you ''crouch''! Seriously, that's happened to me too many times for me to remember. I end up taking damage that I could have avoided but didn't because I thought I would sprint away while instead I was crouching. * For reasons [[Tropers/{{Quillpaw}} this troper]] cannot comprehend, on either side of her up key is a key and a $ key (the second is doubly weird since shift-4 does the exact same thing). Trying to scroll up in a document and finding a string of $$s or s. It's incredibly annoying. * No, it doesn't matter what game I play, but if it's on a console and involves fighting I ''will'' press my left index finger for [[{{TalesSeries}} Free Run]]. The consequences are often fatal. * This troper's most frequented forum recently switched the order of two sub-boards, one of which she checks occasionally and the other all the time. True, the change was asked for because another pair of similar sub boards which this troper neglects is in that order, but she still winds up at the former board more often than she wants to. * This troper unlocked the Mirror Mode in Mario Kart for the Wii every track I'd previously done, except a mirror image, meaning ''every turn was switched from left to right or from right to left.'' So those tracks I could practically do with my eyes closed? Totally backwards. All i could think of was this trope. * A few tales from this troper: ** Growing up as I did in the DOS era, I got it ingrained into my head that CTRL and ALT were the keys to do something in platformers. Usually jump and fire. Then came the Windows key. I got so frustrated at calling up the Start menu that on any game that would let me, I remapped what had previously been mapped to CTRL and ALT to Z and V, because they were roughly the same distance apart. *** This troper has actually managed to avoid having windows keys on his gaming keyboard. When I can't resist any more I will do to my

keyboard what I did to that of a friend who was also fed up with hitting the windows key in games. I'll remove the windows key with a screwdriver. ** There is a version of the Berkeley Tools for Windows. Once placed in the system32 folder, these little programs allow use of some simple Unix commands in the Windows command prompt. After getting used to typing 'ls' everywhere, including in DOSBox, I would always get tripped up by having to type 'dir' on machines that don't have it. On the other hand, now, Windows PowerShell allows ls automatically. ** I got into [[CallOfDuty CoD 4]] for a few months. I had remapped Melee to mouse button 4 on my Logitech MX518. And then I went back to Team Fortress 2 for a while. Several times, I expected my medic to whip out the bonesaw with a single click. * This troper has developed the unfortunate habit of trying to CTRL+F books. ** Same. * This troper died to Killer Croc several times in ''BatmanArkhamAsylum'' because he kept pressing the "Use" button rather than the "Detonate" button, and didn't realize what was happening for a few minutes. * How many times have I tried to press the Y button to use my bike on a GBA Pokemon game, after having played Platinum for a while? Likewise, how many times have I tried to use the bike with Select on Platinum? The answer is: a fucking lot. * This Troper usually wears a family heirloom ring, and fiddles with it constantly. I left it at home one day by accident, and several times during the day I ended up touching my finger and trying to twist a ring that wasn't here. * This Troper, having gone from WarioWare Smooth Moves to Twisted, took an embarrassing amount of time to figure out you had to press the A button to jump in Wario Man's boss stage. Curse becoming used to physically carrying out the action! * This troper once tripped on a bus because the bus usually went before he sat down. Whenever a bus driver waits for him he stumbles about halfway through the aisle. * I work at a Netflix hub (the place where the [=DVD=]s are shipped to and from) as a ripper (the poor fuck who has to spend hours a day ripping the mailers). After a few weeks of doing this (to the point that I can do it without thinking AT ALL) the machine that sticks the [=DVD=]s in the mailer broke, so we were asked to stay later to pick up the slack (for extra pay, of course). The problem was that I was so used to throwing the mailers out that I had to stop myself from throwing away ones that were meant for you assho... I mean, fine folks. To go with this incident I actually said "damn you muscle memory!!!" (although I felt better when I saw that everyone else was haveing the same problem, at least I wasn't just stupid). ** They've got ''people'' doing that?! I always figured there was a machine. * [[{{Valbinooo}} I]] enjoy KnightsOfTheOldRepublic and {{Morrowind}}. In KOTOR, space pauses the game, left click moves you forward, right click makes the cursor visible and allows you to click on your inventory/etc., tab switches party leader, and caps lock does nothing.

In Morrowind, space is "use item", left click is "attack with melee/range/magic", right click brings up the in-game menu, tab does nothing, and caps lock is the walk/run button. [[{{Understatement}} Sort of frustrating]] if I switch between the two. ** Same troper here, but whenever I type "Morrowind", I instinctively want to type "morrowing". This happens a lot with typing. * Try swapping from a vehicle that has the gearshift as a lever behind the wheel (Mazda B2500 truck), to one that has it at the console on the driver's right (Kia Sedona van). I kept turning on the wipers while trying to put the latter in Drive. ** This troper has the same problem, but with different vehicles (switching between a minivan and sedan). Oddly enough, her minivan is the one with the gearshift behind the wheel. * How about waving your key fob at your ''brother's'' house? * Going back from Japanese arcade controls to American ones. Suddenly, the stick is taller, has a bigger throw, and moving it along its edges feels too smooth. Also you're now standing up instead of sitting, which makes you hold the stick at a now-awkward position. * This troper tried to play some ''{{Quake}} Live'' after having played ''{{S4 League}}'' for a few weeks. Notes to self when playing QL: ** Machineguns are weak. ** There are no {{Critical Hit}}s. ** Your melee attack does not cause you to charge around nor can you perform special jumping attacks. ** This is first-person, not third-person. * My sister apparently thought that she could open doors that she needed keys to as long as she had the key, meaning that she thought that she didn't have to actually ''use'' the key, because of video games. I myself have tried pressing the R button to block or dodge in Kirby's Adventure after playing Super Smash Brothers Brawl, and tried holding the R1 button to run faster in Kingdom Hearts after playing Sly Cooper. * Playing Pac-Man on today's Google logo. Who doesn't have a strong muscle memory of how to play that? * Going from IWBTG to Mega Man X on an emulator...I'm still trying to teach myself that I cannot double jump in Mega Man X. * I have an odd, non-gaming-related example: I often briefly switch mousing hands and don't bother to reassign the mouse buttons, so I'm used to clicking with my middle finger when I mouse left-handed. When I intend to keep using my left hand there for a while, I remap the buttons and then find myself constantly trying to click with the wrong finger. * On any given day, I will drive both a left-hand drive manual transmission, and a right-hand drive automatic. At ''best'' this means making my stick shift car cry when I try to start it by hitting the brake and turning the key. * [[@/{{TehNubkilr}} This troper]] started using the 'alt' button on his Windows 7 machine at home as the 'ctrl' button after working in a university research lab that uses Apple computers exclusively. It's not too bad, but it will take me a while to get used to both. Another time, I accidentally used the right-click as the scope button while

playing Halo 2. On my machine, the right click is assigned to grenades for Halo 2, but I had spent the past month on Crysis, where the right click was assigned to scope mode. What was originally supposed to be an easy kill turned into a [[HilarityEnsues hilarious suicide]]. ** Seriously, I get hit by this so much: when driving once, a shower hit, so I switched on the wipers in my car. I was driving another car a week later, and it rained again, so I went to switch on the wipers. In the other car, pushing the column ''down'' activates them (whereas the car I regularly drive requires that the column be pushed ''up''). Instead of clearing the windshield, I got a blast of wiper fluid, which made things worse. * [[Tropers/{{Keeyla}} This troper]] can screw herself up when switching between playing SecondLife and WorldOfWarcraft. I try to jump with the spacebar, log out by typing '/camp', or try to drag the camera around in SL, and I look for my camera-panning buttons in WoW. Not to mention I used to have a bit of trouble switching between the 4 different classes I have level 80s of, but I've gotten the hang of it now. However, the problem will probably pop up again when I roll my Warlock and Warrior in Cataclysm. Off the computer muscle memory, it took me a few days to stop trying to tuck my hands into the front pouch on my school uniform's sweatshirt once we got out for summer. * I got royally screwed by my guitar teacher, when he made me play [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0R40pAeQ38 Bach's prelude in D minor (BWM999)]], a piece that I already knew WITH COMPLETELY NEW FINGER POSITION.This is akin to trying to forget to eat with your hands and relearn it with your feet * One that many people who have reason to be armed can relate to: This Troper was in a cafe, talking to a Royal Marine (on leave). Because the cafe had no umbrella stand, there was a walking staff (OK, fine, ''my'' walking staff) propped up against a table. It fell over with a loud bang; both he and I half-turned, half-started to dive for cover, while reaching for weapons that weren't there. The kicker? ''I'' was reaching for a sword... ** Same troper: I've also developed some idiosyncratic stances and gestures as a result of learning to manage a cloak in a crowd, as well as other anachronisms of dress. The most telling (but not most obvious) is my left hand automatically tries to rest on/control a sword hilt, making me look like a southpaw gunslinger from a SpaghettiWestern, while my right makes frequent "flicking" gestures either to my side or behind my back * This Troper was writing a rather long paper using [=LaTeX=]. Then he had to finish a piece of work he had started on [=OpenOffice=]. Cue him trying to use [=LaTeX=] commands on [=OpenOffice=]. ** Me too! ** [[@/CodeMan38 This troper]] has on several occasions managed to get [=LaTeX=] syntax and Wiki syntax mixed up. Needless to say, this gets [[strike:{\em very}]] ''very'' frustrating. * The serverroom at the place i work has a special door handle rigged to a fire alarm. If you want to get out you just have to type in a security code an pull the door, not the handle. If you do pull the handle down, you can get out but there is an immediate fire alarm. Very annoying

* Do not attempt to play Left4Dead and then ANY ResidentEvil game. Especially with a Wesker fan girl who threatens to throw you out if you grumble about the completely unintuitive controls. Goddammit, I should not have to come to a dead stop and then use two buttons to shoot. * When unable to find an object in real life, [[Tropers/{{HavocThricefold}} This Troper]] will often find herself standing motionless while trying to remember how to bring up the Search function. She is still waiting for the internet to catch up to her little habits... ** This troper has a related habit. When reading printouts from webpages or anything else where certain selections of text are printed in a different color (especially blue), this troper will try to tap the blue text with his pen, perhaps expecting something to happen. * This troper used to only use the PS2 she shared with her sister to play [[KingdomHearts Kingdom Hearts II]], which uses one of the buttons to jump. When she switches to playing {{Tales of the Abyss}}, which doesn't have a jump command, she had a very [[{{Understatement}} difficult]] [[{{Angrish}} time]] [[EarthShatteringKaboom adjusting]]. * This troper drives a [[CoolCar Pontiac Grand Am]]. His wife drives a [[TheAllegedCar Ford Focus]]. On the Pontiac, the ignition is located in the dashboard, between the steering wheel and the stereo/AC controls. On his wife's car, the ignition is on the steering column. So, if you, accustomed to the Pontiac's interior, were to blindly try to stick your key into that spot on the Ford's dashboard? You'd end up putting the key directly into the ''DC electrical outlet''. ** Isn't the Focus one of those cars with a reverse lockout ring, as well? * After watching Youtube videos for hours on end, this troper will wonder why in the world she can't pause a show while watching normal TV. Sometimes it gets even weirder: once she was listening to her father talk, and he said a funny line-and she wanted to go back a couple of seconds and listen to it again. ** The same troper also hated switching from TwilightPrincess on the Wii to TwilightPrincess on the GameCube (She was playing her main game on the Wii, and helping a friend out on the GameCube). Not only are the controls different, but everything is flipped--so instead of going through the door on the left side of the room, she'll go through the door on the right side. * This troper has played enough Dwarf Fortress that he will try to scroll more quickly in documents by holding down the shift key. * This troper set up her laptop so that her left mouse key works as a right mouse key and vice versa since the right mouse key no longer works. It takes a few moments for me to remember that most computers use the right mouse button when I'm not using the laptop. Another thing is that this laptop no longer has a working comma and period key so she must copy/paste in order to use those punctuation marks. She will find herself doing so even if she's on a keyboard where those keys work. Luckily this troper is getting a new laptop soon... * This troper once went from playing {{Xenosaga}} 2 (which uses the the circle, square, and triangle button to attack in battle, while the circle button ''selects'' on the menu) to playing {{Persona 3}}, where

the X button selects and the circle cancels in the field, while, in battle, the square button allows you to skip your turn, and the triangle turns on "Rush", a tactic that has everyone automatically attack with their weapons. Needless to say, she screwed up ''a lot'' of battles in Persona. * This troper saw a Police Officer on patrol casually wander in his general direction. He must've been playing too much Hitman, because his thumbs were reaching for those friggen buttons like mad. * When This Troper was a toddler, her uncle and his best friend liked to take her places in their pick-up truck. (Girls would come up to them to say "Aw, what a cute baby!" and they might get a date for the weekend.) Since this was the "good ole days" before seat belt laws and car seats, I would often stand in the seat between them and they'd grab me whenever they came to a stop. One day, they happened to have a young lady sitting in the seat I was usually in.... * This troper recently got fed up with how electric razors take such a long time to shave his face and still leave about 5-10% of his beard completely unharmed. He recently started using blade razors for the first time, only for his face to come out as a raw, bleeding mass of flesh ''every single time'' because he just cannot stop himself from pressing as hard as he used to. He also can't go back to electric because shaving this way is so much quicker. * This Troper had two cases of this trope ** I had been using using programs such as GIMP and Inkscape which uses middle click + drag to pan around the image I'm editing. When I use Photoshop, I repeatedly middle click and drag the image to no avail ** The second case involves me using Blender 3D, which uses shiftmiddle click + drag. After using Blender for a while, I always mistakenly use shift-middle click + drag in Inkscape which is the actually zoom function. AndThatsTerrible! * Some time ago, I was unable to shoot someone in ANY FPS with a sniper rifle. Dammit, I done everything right! No wind... And I aimed upward to compensate for gravity... Except I wasn't playing Sniper Elite. And I always shot any gard three times from point blank range in Splinter Cell. ** When I play any RTS with a commands pannel that I can activate with hotkeys, I always use (with an AZERTY keyboard): AZERQSDFWXCV, according to the position of the button in the interface. But they use the first letter from the command. Unlike Blitzkrieg. * Don't try to play SuperSmashBros after playing [[{{Touhou}} Scarlet Weather Rhapsody]]. The latter has a system based on "grazing" through bullets by pressing either the dash or double tap left/right. So, imagine me, confused why didn't Pikachu grazed through Fox Lasers... * In any fighting game, I usually ajust the shoulder buttons for quick combos. And example would be Soul Calibur III: L2:A+B L1:A+K R1:B+K R2:A+G. When I went to go play tournament style at this one place, I got owned because I wasn't using my should button style. Hell, THEY DISABLED THE SHOULDER BUTTONS! I managed to get fifth, but I was still pissed because the first round I lost was because I couldn't quick grab. * When [[{{Kargaroc}} I]] use Seamonkey instead of Firefox, I always

think that clicking the tab at the end of the tab bar will bring up a new tab, like it does if Firefox. But in Seamonkey, the same button CLOSES the current tab. I think I'm opening a new tab, and i just hosed whatever i was reading before. Insert trope name here. * Hello. I've been on TV Tropes for a four-hour session, because I attempted to go to Google Translate and instead of typing 'translate.google.com', I typed 'tvtropes.org', and hit Enter. [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife Aaaaugh]]. * This troper spent quite a bit of time in Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep viciously Strike Raiding the nearest inanimate object when she only wanted to save her game. Why? Because in [=KH2=] and [=Re:CoM=], whenever green suddenly appears on your Command Menu or on the field, you push Triangle and something (usually) good happens. And in BBS, the commands such as save, examine, etc. are in green, but you use X for them. Pushing Triangle just uses a Deck Command. ** Same game, [[DarkInsanity13 different troper]] with a different problem. Switching between the story modes makes this troper forget than the three characters don't all have the same abilities, such as gliding or certain dodge moves. It was particularly frustrating finishing one storyline and starting another with a different character with none of the moves or abilities the other did (or not yet anyway). * This troper has a terrible habit of wanting to, and more often then not, pitching objects when he holds them in the palm of his hand. Also, when needing to throw things, I instinctively throw them like a baseball. * SlyCooper has a good control scheme that's intuitive - mainly because it's so similar to other platformers. Unless you've recently played one of the sequels, in which case you ''will'' find yourself cycling through special moves instead of, you know, actually ''doing'' anything. * Anytime I screw up in Real Life with my left hand on a flat surface, it will slide down in a futile attempt to press ctrl+z. * This troper has repeatedly gotten immensele frustrated due to his fondness of two specific games: Vampire: the Masquerade: Bloodlnes and Jedi Academy. Their quicksave and quickload keys are reversed, which, when alternating between them to often leads to horrible moments after particularly tough battles of "phew, that was insane, gotta save... NOOOOOO". * In vi I keep typing Ctrl-x Ctrl-c, and in Emacs I keep typing :wq! * This troper taught himself to read and, by extension spell off of books that were either '''a)''' Published and/or printed in the British Isles (I have british copies of the first five ''HarryPotter'' books) or '''b)''' were printed and/or published in Canada. (And the library had ''Adventures Of Tintin'' books that were basically the european english version) So naturally they have the British and Canadian spellings, also when we were learning how to type in schools, I was already good at it but the software was basically alternating between English and British spellings, probably so we wouldn't rely on muscle memory to type or something, but I still developed it anyways. Also, some games like ''RuneScape'' are European. So naturally, I have a tendency to use some British and Canadian spellings, so even in my

creative writing class I was asked why I had stuff like "Colour", "Glamour", "theatre", "Dialogue" (This one is often given a pass; I notice), or "Offence/Defence" in my stories and my response is pretty much DamnYouMuscleMemory. * In FinalFantasyII through to FinalFantasyV, casting a spell on a group of allies/enemies was done by pushing the D-pad left or right, depending on who you're casting on. FinalFantasyVI changed it so that you have to push the R Button to group cast, leading to this troper believing that group-casting was removed from the game altogether. * This troper just upgraded from an second-gen iPod touch (which he's had for two years) to a fourth-gen model. It's just similar enough in design that he hasn't really gotten the hang of the sleep button being on the opposite side and he keeps putting his index finger over the camera on the back; The old model had a plastic pad in the exact same spot that he used to idly scratch when holding the iPod. * I do this a lot, especially with writing, as I sometimes automatically write something if another word i use more often is spelled using the first few letters, I have also been known to write my username and password (for forums and stuff) instead of name and date on school work. Also I find myself looking for the undo button in real life when ive done something. * Left Trigger? The hell is that? ''Oh'' you mean L2! ** Explanation: [[Tropers/{{Theoneyoucallwe}} I ]] grew up on goddamn Sony Playstation; I will ''never'' make a full transition to "Trigger" and "Bumper." ** Also: WHY THE HELL IS GRENADE ON 'BACK' BUTTON IN MASS EFFECT?! [[NoIndoorVoice WHAT KIND OF RETARDED CRAP IS THAT?!]] *pause* AND WHAT THE HELL IS THE 'BACK' BUTTON ANYWAYS?! * In ''MarioKart Wii'', A is the accelerator, Right Shoulder is dirft, and Left Shoulder uses items (using the Gamecube controller). In ''[[SegaSuperstars Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]'' on the Xbox 360, Right Trigger is the accelerator, Left Trigger is drift, and A uses items. Going from the latter to the former resulted in a lot of "WHY AM I NOT MOVING?" * Any ''TeamFortress2'' player, when watching a video of said game, will move their mouse around to try and watch their back - when it's not even them. * This Troper plays both Fallout 3 and Left 4 Dead 2. He also has to keep reminding himself that you cannot look down your weapon sights in ''{{Left 4 Dead}} 2'' and can't melee with the butt of your gun while expolring the wasteland. ** I went from Fallout 3 to Call Of Duty: Black Ops. I kept instinctivly trying to use VATS. To make it worse, I decided to go back to trying to beat [[ThatOneLevel Executive Order]] on veteran (I was stuck partway through when I stopped before). * This troper, whenever he tries to type Kagami (as in [[LuckyStar Kagami Hiiragi]]), ends up typing [[{{Vocaloid}} Kagamine]] instead. * This Troper once spent an afternoon watching his brother play ''MetroidPrime'' with some friends. It was his first ''Metroid'' game, so he constantly confused the "shoot" and "jump" buttons. In an effort to help, we all chanted "B is jump" every time he jumped. It never really got old.

* I've been recently Googling a lot of minecraft stuff. When I was trying to get to Tvtropes I accidentally typed in Tvcraft... * [[@/{{endlessness}} This troper]] has quite a few ones: ** He has a netbook which don't have the '?' and the '/' keys, you need to press AltGR + Q and AltGR + W respectively to get them. Even when he uses his laptop-turned-desktop with external keyboard/mouse, he keeps using those keys for '?' and '/'. ** He uses an HP calculator in RPN-mode for most of his university work, and gets baffled whenever he has to use a non-RPN calculator. Similarly, anybody trying to use his calculator gives up after a while. ** Most Linux desktop environments use Alt-F2 as the "Run" dialog. Windows uses Win+R. Do the math. Happens to him whenever using Windows. Also, trying to switch virtual desktops (it's a shame that Windows doesn't have this feature by default). * Wait, "jump" is ''what?'' It's ''L1?!'' That makes no sense, HalfLife! And '''slow down''' already, Gordon! God, you'd think he'd never heard of walking! ** This is the HalfLife PS2 port, by the way. * Just recently [[Tropers/{{LLSmoothJ}} I]] have come to find out that from the right side of the screen, I am barely able to execute a {{Shoryuken}} command in StreetFighterIV and MarvelVsCapcom2 after years of playing other games, let alone non-Capcom fighters (I often find myself accidentally jumping forward/backward). With MarvelVSCapcom3 just around the corner, I seriously hope that this isn't a bad sign. * Both the Windows command prompt and the Unix ''bash'' shell offer the ability to run a "for" loop on a bunch of files. The syntax is ever-so-slightly different between the two; Windows adds an extra percent sign and parentheses, while Unix throws in some semicolons instead. [[@/CodeMan38 This troper]] uses both [=OSes=]... and always screws it up one way or the other. * This troper downloaded the demo of the WiiWare game And Yet It Moves; I spent the entire demo pressing A to (attempt to) jump. (I've deleted the demo--mostly because of this trope--but I think Z was actually the jump button. The A button for AYIM "froze" the scene and allowed you to "rotate" the scenery by tilting the Wiimote.) On a similar note, this troper also downloaded the demo of CaveStory, and kept trying to go into doors by pressing Up on the Wiimote's control pad (doors are entered by pressing down in that game). Finally, the laptop that this troper got for Christmas doesn't have a port I can put my external mouse into (it's not a USB mouse), but I keep reaching over for said mouse anyway when I want to move the cursor/scroll down/what have you. Also, the Fn and Ctrl keys are switched around from where they were on my last laptop, and the Delete key is ''two keys over to the left'', and Pg Dn is on this laptop where the Delete key was on my last one. * Thanks to a recent AxisPowersHetalia online event that required the refreshing of the page several times, this troper hit F5 inside of Print Screen like she intended when wanting to take a screenshot on the front page of the website. * When writing someone's name, I attempt to tab-complete it, even if I

am using pencil and paper. It's a habit I have picked up from countless hours on IRC. * This trope doesn't just apply to keyboard shortcuts. It also applies to file names when switching from DOS to Windows 95 and later. [[@/{{Roxor}} This Troper]] ran afoul of TheProblemWithPenIsland during the transition from DOS-style naming of files to full use of long file names. Why? Well, one stage in the transition is stopping abbreviation of words, but still not using spaces. Cue an unexpected snarky remark from the recipient when sending a PNG file of a screenshot from Series/DoctorWho as reference material to an artist when the file was named "doctorwhoref.png". * This troper plays lots and lots of {{Role Playing Game}}s. Most [=RPGs=] have the Menu button mapped to the Triangle/X buttons depending on the console by default (in this case, PlayStation and Nintendo consoles). Many ShinMegamiTensei games tend to screw me up by mapping the Menu button to the Square/Y button, and even the ones that DO use the default button also screws me up! Oddly enough, games that use the Start button as the menu (ie. every Kingdom Hearts game, GBA [=RPGs=]) don't have the muscle memory effect on me. * This troper plays a fair amount of FPS games, mainly ModernWarfare2 and Black Ops. Recently, he just tried out Bad Company 2 on an internet cafe computer. And what was 'use' in the former two games is 'chuck grenade' in Bad Company 2. Whenever he tries to access a supply crate in BC2, he chucks a grenade before he gets it right. x.x * This troper uses Windows for gaming and Mac for everything else. Annoyance ensues when he wants to look something up on the Internet during a gaming session and starts hitting Command-based hotkeys. On another note, switching from [[ResidentEvil5 Chris to Sheva]] was quite disorienting at first. You would think that a little thing like moving from the left side of the screen to the right wouldn't be a problem. You would be wrong. * When playing Dead Space 2, this troper remembers what frustrated him most in the original. "Kinesis" and "use medkit" are the exact same button, the former only requires the player to be aiming to activate. However, when a swarm of Necromorphs are suddenly bearing down on him, panicked button mashing ensues. This often leads to three or four medkits activating while his frantic brain attempts to figure out why spikes aren't flying. He will also find himself accidentally hitting B during perfectly calm moments, using up an incredibly rare and expensive large medkit to heal a sliver of missing health. B also happens to be "melee" in Reach. If a Necromorph gets too close for comfort, I heal instead of beating it back. ** Also, back before the computer containing all of his Oblivion data was consumed by a virus (days of game time lost, sadface), he used to play it for long periods of time. Shift was "block" and tab was "open inventory". Shift-tab, however, minimized the game. He would be locked into combat with a final boss for a quest (mods FTW), realize his health is dangerously low, and open up the inventory to heal. He would often do this while blocking an imminent attack. Cue game freezing and minimizing, a process that took at least five minutes. * This troper has experience with this trope taking place in ''one

game''. Capcom has been running a MarvelVsCapcom3 event across the country to hype the game up, and one of the biggest things they show is an arcade cabinet - really a pair or hard-wired sticks with a hidden PS3. The problem is that for some reason, the buttons had a habit of changing between matches. What was initially Light/Medium/Launcher/Heavy became Medium/Heavy/Light/Launcher. Not only that, but sometimes one of the assist buttons would turn into a dash button instead. Enter this troper. Generally pretty good at fighting games, went for like a 30-game streak on the machine. Suddenly, the buttons change, my brain doesn't get the message fast enough, and I'm off after one game. GODDAMN MUSCLE MEMORY. * [[{{Tropers/Kadorhal}} I]] have this issue with ''{{Blood}}''. I use the default binds for controlling, which gives me issues when I need to crouch, because Blood is the only non-CallOfDuty FPS I have where crouch is the C key. Oddly, I don't have the same issue with alt-fire being on middle mouse instead of right mouse, but it's probably because that's the same case in KillingFloor (which has the nice effect of making both games' [[SawedOffShotgun double-barreled shotguns]] work the same way). ** Also I'm having this problem now that I'm trying to get back into ''SuperSmashBros Brawl''. My original Gamecube controller is broken, my wireless one sucks, and I can''not'' play the game effectively with just the Wiimote or it plus Nunchuck, so I'm pretty much stuck with the Classic Controller, which puts attack on the rightmost face button, special on the bottom, and quick-grab on those tiny z buttons at the very top of the controller. Up until I reconfigure the controls so special is left, attack is bottom, and quick-grab is just R, because that is the exact moment my brain decides I actually became used to the default setup for the Classic Controller. Cue me jumping when I want to smack people and grabbing at the air when I'm trying to block or dodge. And that's not even getting into how sensitive the controller's analog sticks are compared to, say, the [[PlayStation2 Dualshock 2]] I'm used to. ** Me again, and once again ''Killing Floor'' related: after buying the game a year ago and always playing at pings averaging at least 100, I noticed when I played on a LAN server with my brother the other day that I could barely keep him healed from long range, because the medication dart from the [=MP7=] was now actually hitscan like it's supposed to be; I kept compensating for lag that wasn't there. This was especially troublesome because he was playing [[KnifeNut Berserker]] and frequently required healing. Eventually I switched to Sharpshooter and just shot things dead before they could surround either of us. * {{Prototype}} uses Shift for running and gliding and Space for jumping. BatmanArkhamAsylum uses Space for running and gliding, jumping is largely automatic, and Shift is only used for certain combo attacks. Switching between the two is...awkward. * [[{{Tropers/AccelSynchro}} This Troper]] learned the hard way that switching the controls around in certain emulators will end up screwing you over, even if they are better suited to the game you're pirating/playing. * [[{{Tropers/RAMChYLD}} This Troper]] had the issue while still

playing both Animal Crossing: Wild World and Animal Crossing: City Folk simultaneously: He'd often get the locations of the various landmarks mixed up. It's made even worse if one or more of the same neighbors are also living in both towns at the same time. * In WoW, the achievements screen is mapped to Y by default. For Rift, I'm stuck with H for now. Not that I give a hard damn about it as I'd rather play a game that doesn't have cheevos, but I occasionally check the achievements screen every so often (rather than opening up the raid screen as the Y key does). ** Hello. This troper (Frostsabre) again with another real life example. My A.P. Euro classmate would ask so many questions with the teacher on tests (example being "on number 24, what do you mean by substantial?") that he referred to our math (precalculus) teacher as (Mr [insert history teacher's name]) when he asked him a question. The reply? "I don't think he has heard that question." * My car (a Chevy Cobalt LT) has power steering. A few years ago said power steering went out (which was a common problem, mine just did it before it was popular). As the main page says, it's much harder to steer with no power steering after so long with it. *** When [[Tropers/{{Reflextion}} I]] was learning to drive, my teacher cited that very fact as the reason why he used a non-power steering car for at least the first few lessons. ** When I took it in to get it fixed my parents let me use the van I drove in high school. My Cobalt's shifter is by the center console. The van's shifter is by the steering wheel. Also, the van is (obviously) bigger than the car and thus drives differently. * [[@/{{Tadaru}} This troper]] thinks Ctrl+C is "copy". It certainly isn't on emacs. He must be the only CS-related person who doesn't want to marry Linux. * This troper once walked into a dark room, and instinctively reached for his F key (the flashlight button in Half-Life). The thing is- it wasn't a game, there was no F key, and I felt like an idiot afterwards. * When [[@/ShadicTheHedgehog I]] switch between my PC Laptop (Dell Inspiron 1500, I think) and A. Anyone else's different-model PC; or 2. My Dad's Mac, I tend to push the wrong buttons (ctrl+c does nothing on a Mac) or miss buttons. There's also the stupid decision Dell made to switch the shortcut buttons and the "F#" buttons, resulting in having to push the "Fn" key when I'm playing an emulator and need to quicksave with "Shift+F1." ** As well, when switching between [[DissidiaFinalFantasy Dissidia]] and KingdomHearts: BirthBySleep, I start screwing up because in Dissidia, I use the D-Pad to move, and in BBS, the D-Pad moves the Command Menu. It also works out inversely, as the Analog Nub moves the characters in BBS, while, with my preferred configuration, the Analog Nub moves the camera in Dissidia. Cue me just starting a battle against a high-level monster and I'm moving the camera while getting killed instead of running away. * Tip: When going back to play one's old PS2 platformers, make sure you stay within one series at a time and play something different during the transition... and if you're going to replay JakAndDaxter, RatchetAndClank and {{Psychonauts}}, do ''not'' play them in that

order. It's like doing trying to do English homework, then Japanese, and English again. * I never learned how to touch-type; I've simply used the hunt-andpeck method for so long that I can rely on muscle memory without needing to keep my fingers on the home row. The trouble is, muscle memory remembers more than just where the keys are; it remembers what movements to make for particular words, and has a tendency to go on autopilot once I've begun typing a word. I therefore trend to come lacrosse is a bit strange when I don't have time to spell-cheque. * I often surf TVTropes on my iPad. The problem with that is that spoilers don't show up when highlighted. I got around that by copying a spoiler I wanted to read, pasting it into the Note app, reading it, then deleting it. Guess what happens when I paste something into a note I want to keep... * When I got the Jump Ultimate Stars game on the DS, it took me a while to get the controls down, as A=jump, and B/Y= attacks, and the down button in the D-pad was guard. Soon I got the hang of it, but while playing Super Smash Brothers with my friends, I realized just how much I screwed myself over when I kept pressing A to jump back up the ledge and pressing down to shield. * This troper is a small-boat sailor and an instructor at a sailing camp. When she gets in the car to go home she has to think very carefully about turns, because ''the car wheel is not a tiller''. * I used to play a lot of StarWarsBattlefront before switching to ModernWarfare 2. So a lot of the sniper-type missions end up with me pressing the grenade button (RB on the Xbox 360), thinking I'm firing (R1 on the PS2, same position as RB on the Xbox), and dying in a hail of Russian gunfire. * Sudden motion tends to trigger a block reflex in this troper. Helpful for fighting games? Yes. Helpful in RealLife? It's a bit more mixed... the kicker is that I don't know how I developed that reaction. Also, I happen to know a DoubleSubversion of this: I ctrl-S pretty much every time I finish a sentence in a text editor out of habit. Then I open Gmail and type a relatively long email (still only a few lines). Hit ctrl-S out of muscle memory. The subversion is that this shortcut actually ''does'' let you save in Gmail. The doublesubversion is that you almost never need to save an email anyway since you almost always type them in one sitting. Surprisingly, I don't do this on any other site... * This troper, when putting aside a magazine yet still holding it, often moves his hand over it so it doesn't go into "screensaver mode". * [[{{Tropers/RAMChYLD}} This troper]] just experienced one while trying to play the classic Movie tie-in game TheLionKing. He has always played the Genesis version of the game, of which the "roar" button is A, which is the furthest left button on the gamepad. He just played the SNES version, and on that version, "roar" is also mapped to A, which unfortunately happens to be the rightmost button. Also on the Genesis version is that the "jump" button is mapped to C, which happens to be the rightmost button. On the SNES version, however, the "jump" button is mapped to B, which happens to be the "middle" button. HilarityEnsues. * This is the main reason [[{{Tropers/Pokenatic}} This Troper]] has

only played both KingdomHearts and JakAndDaxter on the same day once. * This troper has one from[[GaiaOnline ''zOMG!'']]: she has two different accounts with different ring sets.in a different order. For example, the healing ring on one account is in slot #6, while the other one has an attack or buff ring there, resulting in either useless buffs or accidental attempts at self-injury when trying to heal. She also has a non-game example: switching from [=OpenOffice=] (on her computer) to Word (on school computers). "Alt-E-P... what the huh are you doing?" Also, she once had to work with a keyboard that had the little nub thingy not on the F and J keys, but on D and J. Got a little annoying. * This troper has this problem when walking to classes in high school. Her schedule is memorized by the way she walks across campus to each class. The good part about that is that she can often zone out and not realize where she's walking, and end up at her next class while also forgetting just ''what'' that class was. The bad part is that if she has to go to the same place in one day twice (our school's laid out by section), she will repeat the previous step and end up in Science again instead of going towards the Math room like she was supposed to, again without thinking of just what room it's ''supposed'' to be. Another side effect of this is that whenever parent-teacher conferences come around, she has no clue what room number the classrooms are. * This troper has recently started playing [[KingdomHearts Kingdom Hearts]]. Thing is, she played 358/2 Days before (well, about half of it, before her save file went poof), and her first thought when playing the PS2 game was: "why did they have to swap the buttons?". Another example is trying to use English words in a conversation in Polish (troper's native language), as she usually spends most of the time reading/typing English, and actual real-life conversations are rare. ---Go back to DamnYouMuscleMemory. (Single left-click, by the way) ----

DanBrowned * This happened to my friend and I when we were in high school. We had to complete a paper on Sumerian mythology and read in front of the whole class. We DidNotDoTheResearch (due to laziness) and when we had to speak in front of the whole class we just made it all up. Our classmates were completely ignorant on the subject, so everything went fine... until a nerd started pointing out the {{CriticalResearchFailure}}s one after another *facepalm* * I chatted with a ghostwriter and she told me that she likes the idea of fiction based in real world history because it would give some knowledge to people who don't want to study history. I personally don't think that fiction should have this goal, because a fiction writer is prone to {{CriticalResearchFailure}}. * [[{{Sheora}} This Troper]]'s forensics teacher actually offered extra credit on an exam for watching an episode of {{Bones}} and

bringing her a list of up to ten things wrong with it. Each inaccuracy equaled one point on the exam. She had to cap it at ten or she would have been handing out A's to people who didn't even sit the exam. * This troper wishes to mock this trope by writing a novel that starts with a claim that everything in the novel is accurate and then proceed to completely abandon research, like having the climax take place on a beach on [[YouFailGeographyForever THE SOUTHERN COAST OF TIBET]][[hottip:*: And the scene in question doesn't occur when Tibet DID have a cost, before India collided with Asia]]. * There's a professor in my school who claimed the Homo Erectus came from the Homo Neanderthalensis. [[YouFailBiologyForever The truth? It is backwards.]] * [[http://blogs.abc.net.au/canberra/2009/12/dan-browned.html Well, more like Australian Radio Show tales]] but somebody got hold of the old definition and worked it into their show. Viewers phone in and give their examples. It's interesting, informative and funny, like this was meant to be... * Not sure if this goes here or somewhere else, but in this Troper's class, they had to write a paragraph-long summary of a chapter of a book we were reading, and he forgot to read it. Most of the students who didn't read it tried to act like they did. This Troper, however, chose a different approach... ->I had forgotten to read this chapter, so here's a summary of [[ResidentEvil5 Resident Evil 5]] \He apparently was going to get a minimal grade(it was crossed out), but it was changed to a [[CrowningMomentOfFunny basic.]] * One of my college professors- a Ph.D.- claimed that Vikings landed in Washington- the state, mind you- and cowboys invented the necktie. By the end of the semester, she used to flinch when she heard me say, "Ummm...", because it meant I was about to correct her again. Most mean-spirited A I ever got, and I feel no guilt. * At one point, having had a few drinks, I got into a long theological debate with a fundy christian who was soap-boxing in front of a large crowd of people. He was doing the whole "Gays will burn, blah blah blah, sodom and gomorrah, blah blah blah" thing, and I started calling him out on stuff left and right. The crowd was laughing as I started taking his points apart, leaving him so flustered that he blurted out this gem in an attempt to refute a point I had made: "Well, Dan Brown in TheDaVinciCode..." "Wait... I'm going to interrupt you here. Are you now attempting to use a novel... a book I would find in the FICTION section of a bookstore, whose author is notorious for [[DidNotDoTheResearch making things up]], as a source you are willing to cite in this argument?" "....Yes?" "No, go ahead, I was just wondering." At which point the audience, howling with laughter, shamed him off the 'stage'. * This troper works in a casino. Not in Vegas, but still. Troper works half her time in the slot department, and the other half in surveillance. She absolutely CANNOT watch LasVegas anymore without raging. ** Specifically, one episode had to do with a girl celebrating her 21st birthday (the legal age for gambling) at the casino. The second her watch shows midnight, she starts playing, and hits a jackpot on

the first pull. Turns out the casino's "official" time was three minutes to midnight, so she's still underage...cue plot. In real life, she would not have been allowed anywhere near the machines until the casino said it was the right date. Not to mention how opulent and spacious the surveillance room on the show is... ** In reference to the above, I've heard the same sentiments from just about everyone I know who has ever seen their profession portrayed on TV. TV writers hardly ever get it right; sometimes its for dramatic presentation, but most of the time, it's just 'cuz they failed to do the research. * This troper's original story is set in France, and thus I've tried to do as much research as I can. The failure comes from when I (and to be fair, I was only 13 at the time), gave my main characters fantasyesque names which are punny in themselves - turns out in France, you can't have made up surnames. My [[AssPull attempts]] at justifying it are: a) It's a fantasy book set on an Alternate Earth, why can't the names be a bit unusual? b) The migration of the characters' distant ancestors might have influenced why they have such weird surnames. [[VillainousBreakdown c) It's f***ing book, stop getting worked up over tiny details and enjoy the show]].

[[DanBrowned Take this well-researched, 100% true, completely factoid link back to Do Not Do The Research.]]

DanceOfRomance * My date felt this at our junior prom. Unfortunately, I didn't and in retrospect wonder where my brain was that night. It's like a character looking back on a DisneyAcidSequence and wondering, "What the hell just happened?" * [[@/{{KissofCamine}} This troper]] and her current boyfriend shared a sort-of roleplayed one shortly before getting together. Mind you, it was all in pictures but she still has the entire conversation saved on her computer. Minus the bizarre events leading up to said dance. * This happened to [[@/TheTallOne me]]. We had to take dancing lessons in gym, and the boy with whom I made a RealLife FanPreferredCouple and I kept ending up dancing together. It turned out that almost everyone in the class was working together to shuffle the lines so we danced together all the time. * This troper ''almost'' had a chance to try to invoke this on a crush at her cousin's wedding, but chickened out. We both hate dancing anyway, so it probably wouldn't have worked. * First dance of this troper's junior prom was this. Two friends who developed feelings for each other over the span of the past 6 months slow dancing together and nervous as hell. Partway into the song, a realization was felt and by the end of the song, this troper stood in a daze as her date held out his hand to her. She entwined her fingers with his and then they headed outside. ** That is seriously cute. * This troper attends a college with a very active social and swing dance community, so this happens quite frequently. Especially

considering almost everyone on the Competitive Dance Team is dating within the team. It's really fun to watch. * This troper is also a regular dancer and while nothing serious has ever come of any of the dances I've had, the sensation of swooping around a floor in a man's arms while terribly romantic music plays is enough to make any girl look at her partner in a new light, even if they've known each other for years. * The slow dance in this troper's prom officially confirmed his feelings for his friend. At the moment, it's pretty one-sided. * I had one of these at a party. There was one slow dance the whole night and I was asked to dance by a guy who had been in a few of my classes all semester and the end result was distinctly a Dance of Romance. Unfortunately we had both graduated earlier that day so no matter how romantic it was it wasn't going anywhere. At least not for a while.

Dandere * [[@/JET73L This one]] has is typically extremely reserved (as a result of being a natural {{Kuudere}}, then after being [[BrokenBird broken]] and built back up into something [[JadeColoredGlasses cynical]] enduring [[TrainingFromHell great practice]] forcing the more quiet form of {{Tsundere}}'tude back into {{Kuudere}}-ness), but has found that a few (well, two. Well, arguably two) people bring out a jovial, talkative personality even in public (the "in public" part leads to the "arguably"). * [[@/ROFLopadous This one herself]] is one of these. She just has a lot of trouble breaking the ice when it comes to meeting people but once that ice is broken, usually she's just fine. As time goes on, usually people come to find that she's just a nice girl who is [[CloudCuckoolander is touch out there]] and has a tendency to not shut up if you give her the right topic ** Hello, [[{{@/Joerc45}} I]] welcome you, soul mate. ^_^ ** Are you me? I'm chronically shy but I talk a lot once you get to know me... * [[@/GoldenLantern This one, too]], is pretty shy and also doesn't know what to ask when trying to initiate conversation. It doesn't help that she's the DistaffCounterpart of MrImagination (one of the rare ones who doesn't have an imaginary friend either), who loves her daydreams more than actual interaction. * This one starts out rather shy and unwilling to talk, but as time goes by, she starts to become pretty talkative if she's interested, and even has some shades of JerkAss. If she's not interested enough, then she just turns into TheStoic / DeadpanSnarker. * [[{{@/Phoenixor}} This troper]] in real life. On the internet, he's more of a DeadpanSnarker, but even then he can be rather cold when not talking to his [[{{Nakama}} band of friends]], especially his best friend and crush. It just takes the right person to break through the wall he's put up. * [[{{@/Kizuchan}} This troper]], so much. She'll actually be friendly and open with a lot of people, but they have to kind of chip through a layer of [[ShrinkingViolet shyness]]. To her closest friends, she's

actually a fairly cheery {{CloudCuckoolander}}. ^_^ * Being one of these is something of a source of frustration for [[@/TheHeroHartmut this non-drinking Irish troper]]. He's a [=COMPLETELY=] different person when with his colege's choral society, and singing to himself cheers him up a little when feeling lonely (regardless of whether in public or not). In pretty much all other social situations, however... * I'm kind of Spock outside and Deadpool inside. I'm slow to put myself out there due to [[AbusiveParents well]], [[KidsAreCruel problems]] but can be a full-on TalkativeLoon with the few people I trust, love all things cute, and [[{{Shipping}} ship]] friends (with them knowing about it.) Yes, even in a slash/femslash way. And am male. But if you don't know me, you'll probably be reminded of Teal'c. From season one. * This troper is a {{Shrinking Violet}}, who only talks when someone talks to her first, and is only singing "Dango Daikazoku" to herself, like a little girl. Many people ask me why I don't talk, but I can never answer them. But in my house, I am a {{DeadpanSnarker}}, and an [[{{AloofBigBrother}} aloof big sister]] * [[@/DarkstalerRaoul I'm]] somewhere between this and Kuudere. I'm generally one of those kinds of people who prefer to be left to their own devices, but somehow I end up drawing in people who won't leave me alone, won't shut up, etc, etc. When I'm with one of my friends, though, that's another story. ** Sounds like me. * I've gone through days completely mute before. I'd love to talk to people, but I've had a lot of really bad experiences with other people in the past, so I'm used to just shutting up, and expecting people to dislike me no matter what. If I find an opportunity to make someone smile, I might open up bit by bit. Only with my friends will I ever talk, but once I'm with my friends, my nature is revealed to be a perverted DeadpanSnarker. ** You are basically me, except more of a DangerouslyGenreSavvy GeniusDitz (or sometimes [[GeniusBruiser bruiser]] ) DeadpanSnarker with a SplitPersonality. * Oh yeah, this is me. Once you get past my nervousness around people and actually become friends with me, I'm a full-blown genki girl. * Get past this [[{{Rivux}} troper's]] inability to make a conversation, inability to make small talk, [[OverLongGag inability to ask someone the time]], I might open up to you. Might being the key word. * Who knew that there was a word that sums me up so accurately! I get insanely nervous when meeting new people and when big changes happen in my life overall, but after a while I get to know people better and things become routine enough that I develop a comfort zone among those people. It's still hard for me to make friends, though, being a huge nerd and only really being comfortable around people who share my interests. * This troper is a very quiet {{Meganekko}} who typically only speaks to people who speak to her first. Around her friends, however, it's a different story. She gets a lot more talkative. ** Are you me?

* This Troper has actually had people comment on her dandere-ness... I'm a {{Meganekko}} who kind of prefers books/ [[CloudCuckooLander my own]] [[MrImagination imagination]] to humans (after [[KidsAreCruel primary school]], I kind of ended up terrified of people), but if you manage to catch my interest and make me trust you, then I become a GenkiGirl and a lot more open about [[YaoiFangirl what's]] [[DeadpanSnarker actually]] [[CloudCuckooLander going through my head.]] [[SillyRabbitRomanceIsForKids Unless I'm around someone I have a crush on,]] in which case I become an odd mix of this and {{Tsundere}}. * This troper's boyfriend, while shy in mannerisms, will talk to me for literally hours. * This troper is extremely quiet and shy when first meeting people. It literally takes about ''three years'' for her to show her true, [[CloudCuckooLander weird]] self. To make this even more apparent, compare how she is [[GenkiGirl at school]] to when she is having [[ShrinkingViolet singing lessons]]. Her school friends even admitted that they could never believe that such a loudmouthed girl could be quiet and distant. * [[Tropers/SanaMae This troper]] is more-or-less one due to her rather sucky teenage years. She'll act like an EmotionlessGirl around most people (which is in fact just caused by trust issues and selfdoubt) but around my {{Nakama}} turn into a sarcastic, bubbly, GenkiGirl not entirley different in termperment from [[AxisPowersHetalia Prussia or Poland]]. * This Troper is a {{Shrinking Violet}} personified. She constantly turns into a blushing stammering mess whenever people she doesn't know well talk to her (and don't even get her STARTED on people she likes or admires). However, she really loves her classmates (and her few friends, even more so) and wishes they could find out some way, because due to her antisocial tendencies, people assume, she doesn't enjoy their company or feel awkward. * This Troper is this. I can be very shy. I can be very [[TheQuietOne quiet]] or [[TheStoic emotionless]], and I tend to be ignored a lot. Once the sort of shyness barrier is down and people actually start talking to me (or rather, if I start talking to people), I'm a fun person to be around. I'm actually very [[LargeHam over the top and dramatic]] for [[PlayedForLaughs comedic effect]], but I can't show that to just anyone. Aside from that, I'm also very kind-hearted and compassionate, if not a bit naive and gullible. But, I have good intentions that just don't appear apparent at first, since I'm just shy and I need to work on approaching people, or appearing approachable. ** Wow your like [[ZenoTheGreat me]], except for the fact that I'm pretty sure [[SplitPersonality I have ulterior motives...]] * [[Tropers/{{Sageheart}} This troper]] is over-apologetic (read: worse than usual) and barely speaks above the volume of a bee's wings whenever she is stuck with unfamiliar people; she's to scared and [[CloudCuckooLander stuck in her imagination]] for interacting with strangers. When she is [[NoIndoorVoice around]] [[LargeHam her]] [[CheshireCatGrin friends]], however...(which might account for her friends believing she is an {{Expy}} of [[YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries

Abridged Marik Ishtar]], because they don't see her around other people.) * [[Tropers/{{Haazii}} This Troper]] is strange in that around girls that she doesn't know well she is a full blown dandere but around boys she doesn't know she is a total {{Kuudere}} and {{DeadpanSnarker}} (Although they never seem to understand that the reason I don't like speaking to them is that they laugh at every word that I say), around people she knows she [[GenkiGirl is]] [[CloudCuckooLander completely]] [[MotorMouth different]]. * [[Tropers/{{United}} This Troper]] is an honest to God Dandere. If I'm around strangers or people I'm not comfortable with you will find it hard pressed to get me to speak. But once I get to know someone or if I'm with close friends I'm a lot more open and somewhat of a {{CloudCuckooLander}}. However I'm also somewhat of a Type 2 {{Kuudere}} to go along with my shyness. ---... ...You can go back to {{Dandere}}...If you want...

DarkerAndEdgier * Not sure if this belongs here, but I once had to do a point of view paper on The Pearl, after the attempts failed, I then had to change the subject of the point of view to a nursery rhyme. I then managed to turn a four stanza nursery rhyme into a story about how a boy became to be so misanthropic that he'd rather stay in jail than go into the outside world, and though I didn't make it obvious, he got into jail after he was thought to have commited a sex crime. My teacher loved it, apparently. And the best part of this is that it was suggested I do a nursery rhyme after my suggestion to do the paper on a song was rejected just because someone's head gets chopped off in the song, and for those who don't know, in The Pearl, a baby gets its head shot off. * This troper frequents [[ImageBoards /tg/]], and has seen them turn {{Pokemon}} into cute and fuzzy Eversor Assassins, set up the {{Warhammer 40000}} [[{{Transformers}} Autobots]] as being [[PsychopathicManchild Ork Trukks]], and Emperor knows what else. He's even ''responsible'' for coming up with a GRIMDARK CaptainPlanet in which the main characters were ecoterrorists and the Captain was a primal force of nature rather than a guy with a silly haircut and terrible puns. ** So what pray tell is the GrimDark version of the [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway Heart]] power? *** MindControl. * [[{{Etheru}} this Troper]] seems to want to try this in a fantasy work, well, actually, the first part would try to [[{{Reconstruction}} Reconstruct]] the Tropes associated with a Fantasy, in the TimeSkip, where basically, [[spoiler: after overthrowing the world's oppressive military, the "Dark Purities" show up, {{Well Intentioned Extremist}}s that want to "Purify" the world by removing what makes humans unique, the main hero (incidentally, a HeroicMime) is shown to be an

ArtificialHuman, also deconstructing purity of the heart, because [[PureIsNotGood if one is "Pure", they would have no understanding or sympathy for others, as they don't seem to even]] ''[[PureIsNotGood know]]'' [[PureIsNotGood what these concepts are, because their emotions are only set to "Save Everything"]], there would also be more NightmareFuel prominent, and at least one character trying to bring one person he loved back to life... [[WarpedAesop After she's advised him to not "Replace" everything (prior to her death, he started figuring out not everything could be replaced)]], so he tries to bring her back to life... And he used to be part of the ''heroes group''.]] * This troper's art style has gotten significantly darker over the years thanks to ArtEvolution. I went from an SD-Manga style to a more realistic, Frazetta-with-a-pencil-like style, getting more detailed with the skills I pick up. * This troper fell in love with this trope. When he is going to watch something which I suspect is too childish and clich -infested, he often asks: "Does it have blood and gore? Or sex and violence? Or explicitly used religious references? Or controversial commentaries against the system?" Often I take kids' shows and turn them into Crapsack Worlds with lots of criminals and controversial topics. * This troper used this trope with Viandas/Evershadow Genesis. It was made as a Darker and Edgier version of New Dawn, a very idealistic little Sentai book. Viandas deals with such themes as the nature of existence, the truth of feelings, and near every character has a negative feature. TheHero is a Type Four AntiHero at first and is quite [[ByronicHero mad, bad, and dangerous to be around.]] His life thus far has been multiple [[GambitPileup very complicated plans all connecting and forming a very complicated web.]] Even the lowliest demon mook probably has an origin derived from HighOctaneNightmareFuel towers where horrible, horrible things happen. Oh yes, and then our lovable hero becomes immortal and lands in another series of Xanatos Gambits. You would think becoming a PhysicalGod would do good things for Johnson, but no...it only means he can now be attacked by other Physical Gods, and the process of becoming such a being led to the opening of a gate that let TheEmpire into the still volatile world Johnson calls home... * Life in general once 9/11 happened, if you ask [[Tropers/CabbitGirlEmi me]]. ** So World War Two wasn't DarkerAndEdgier than the time before it? Vietnam wasn't darker than the post-WW2 era? There is a reason why real life examples aren't allowed - people's NostalgiaFilter may say things were great, but actually reality has a grimdark reboot every decade or so followed by a LighterAndSofter period. To say 9/11 is DarkerAndEdgier seems to me to be forgetting all the other terrible things happening in the world - and in Eagleland, too. * This Troper is her own Darker and Edgier: She's bisexual and has a whole range of fetishes spanning the entire BSDM acronym, but hasn't told anyone, for fear of brain explosions. (Her bright, bubbly personality was well established at school long before she realized all of this about her sexuality.) * This troper went through this starting in 11th grade, fueled by an increasing anger and frustration at nothing in particular. Luckily, an

outlet appeared in the form of [[CrowningMusicofAwesome Industrial music]]. * This tropers' alternate personality, who is even refered to as being 'The Dark Side of troper' * This gay troper has gone through this recently, he fit each letter in the BDSM acronym and has worn almost exclusively black for a while now; he's also started listening to {{Industrial}} and has an obsession with [[MurderArsonAndJaywalking death, murder, zombies, nonsparkly vampires, and theatre]]. Most people would not expect it [[PerkyGoth because he's always so happy]] [[CloudCuckooLander and weird.]] * Life as you grow up. Always. ** Bullshit. I know plenty of people with abusive childhoods whose lives are now significantly LighterAndSofter. Your life =/= everyone else's on the planet. ---Fly back to DarkerAndEdgier with all of the ponies! * Just to clarify, you mean the [[HarryPotter Thestrals]], right? ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DarkFic * This Troper wrote a SonicTheHedgehog2 fic from the point of view of a turtle that Robotnik transmutes into one of his robot slaves. Basically, it combines UnwillingRoboticisation with MindRape induced {{Brainwashing}}. [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6522508/1/A_Mind_in_Metal Link]] * Pretty much all of Alex McMullen's stories on Fanfiction.net. 'Clown' especially is a horrific crime story. There is enough HighOctaneNightmareFuel to drive a car across Australia in one go. Out of the thirty or so stories i've written about two thirds are violent horror stories. If you do check them out be wary of cannibalism, zombie babies, torture, mutilation, suicide, child death, dissembowelment and rivers of blood. Have fun! * This user wrote, and is continuing to write a ''CardCaptorSakura'' fanfiction where all the characters are sadistically forced to look at their inner sins, their "Kaos" as the fic's BigBad would call it. As the fic takes place between two seasons, the fic also explains the emotional growth the characters seem to have made in between seasons, despite that nothing significant appears to have happened canonically. ** While we're on the topic, this troper read a ''CardCaptorSakura'' fanfic that suggested that Clow Reed made the Clow Cards from ''people''... people who didn't ''want'' to be made into Clow Cards. * This troper wrote a very dark deconstruction of one of the ''AdventureQuest'' games, which shows how tragic life would be if every event/quest in that particular mecha game was rendered almost realistic. * This troper wrote a RealPersonFic where a FormulaOne driver had [[DeathNote shinigami eyes]], meaning he was able to see how long a person had left to live. And then he had to go through the 1994 San

Marino Grand Prix (an infamous race where two drivers died over the course of the weekend). [[ParanoiaFuel It kinda drove him crazy]] [[DrivenToSuicide and suicidal]]. Don't worry, [[IGotBetter he got better]]. ** I feel wrong for asking, but ... link please? *** Warning: a bit of slash in it. [[http://www.goinguptheinside.com/FIC3/viewstory.php?sid=349&index=1 Table of Contents here]] * This Troper wrote what was meant to be an intentionally over-the-top DarkerAndEdgier orgin story for [[TeamFortress2 the Pyro]]. It ended up being so dark I didn't even bother finishing it. A condensed version of the plot is that [[spoiler: The Pyro was a firefighter who sadistically burns people alive for fun while on the job.]] * Never mention a SuperRobotWars DarkFic from this Troper's point of view. Many Users were disgusted by how I wanted a Darker version of super robot wars * This Troper's online handle came from a vicious StarTrek DarkFic she wrote in high school. Her family was collapsing in on itself, a sociopathic bastard was screwing his way through her {{Nakama}}. Classes were stressful, I'd just outed myself as Pagan and Socialist in an {{Eagleland}} military town that defined "liberal" as "those bastards who hate America." Nothing was working, and there was nothing I could do about any of it. So I wrote a very long, supremely nasty fic involving religious terrorists on Bajor and pretty much puked all my frustration on the page. I kept the name as to remind myself never to do it again. ** This troper understands, sometimes I find it cathartic to write DarkFic. One of the fics written above? Written to cope with my grandfather dying. * I have written a few about people who have annoyed me, it helps me feel better and its better than calling them names or hitting them. * There is a very well-written StarTrek fic out there called "Two Summers" that is basically unabashed, unmitigated Wangst revolving around [[spoiler:Kirk mourning Spock's untimely and violent death]]. Even though it's all wangst no plot it oddly comforted this troper in a morbid, sadistic kind of a way, and the writing and shout-outs are awesome. It's written by Anon-j-anon, the writer of "Observations" (THE best StarTrek2009 fics out there...link on the FanFicRec page!) so even though they are supposed to be in different universes, this troper makes "Two Summers" the sequel to "Observation" in her headcannon to make it even SADDER. Yes, I have problems. * This troper wrote Negima fic which involves the volumes after the Ken Akamatsu {{Writer Revolt}} being {{All Just A Dream}} so it can actually go back to not being all heroic and Shounen-ish and more of an {{Unwanted Harem}}. * This troper just can't help herself. She sets out to write fun smut (it is a hooker!verse she mostly writes, after all) and it ends up sad and bittersweet, with the sex as either comfort or issue-laden. Gah! ** It wouldn't happen to be ''the'' hooker verse, would it? * This Troper once tried to write a war-based DigimonTamers fic. He didn't get very far in it, but he plan on killing off Terriermon and thrusting Jenrya into a HeroicBSOD before coming to a few chapters

later, a la Simon from TengenToppaGurrenLagann. There would've also been very intense violence (some fight scenes planned were to be quite graphic), liberal swearing (Takato shouted "SHIT!!" in chapter two, and there had been uses of "damn", "hell" and "bastard" prior to that) and some slight sexual material (Juri was to sleep with Takato at one point in the fic, and Ruki was to complicate things by forcing herself onto him later). Thinking back on it now, I'm thinking that I might pick the idea back up. * This troper's fanfictions seem to turn into this even if they start out on the funny side. * [[FarisV This Troper's]] WIP Kingdom Hearts fanfic, Sins Of Our Hearts (sequel to Paths of Our Fathers), is definitely shaping up to be this. We have both Vincent Valentine AND Sora losing control of their {{Super Powered Evil Side}}s. Both of the aforementioned Evil Sides are freaking psychotic. Sora is going through some serious PostTraumatic Stress Disorder after having witnessed [[spoiler: a driven insane Riku slaughter and burn down the Destiny Islands and be killed by Sephiroth right before his eyes]]. Our heroes are called into a conflict they didn't even want to be drawn into thanks to King Mickey, and are now facing off against a triumvirate of [[FinalFantasyII Mateus]], [[FinalFantasyIV Golbez/Zemus]], and [[FinalFantasyVI Kefka]]. [[ItGotWorse Oh, but it gets even better.]] Vincent's methods of interrogating Imperials for information START at Rorschach-level brutality, and only get WORSE from there. Oh. And Kefka captures Vincent, torturing him by basically having the magitech lab people dissect him ALIVE, laughing all the while and getting off on it. {{Darker And Edgier}} in-freaking-deed. * This troper can't stand dark fic. I read mostly ATLA fic, and while there is much FridgeHorror there to be reaped and turned into HighOctaneNightmareFuel, I just... ugh. I liked ATLA for the way it turned out. I liked the idealism balanced with realism. I liked the darker elements... hell, the "darkest" episodes are my favorite ones. I loved the show the way it was, and I really don't need to read "what if Aang lost the fight against Ozai" fic. In a way, it seems disloyal to the show itself. There is plenty of ''good'' scariness to be had in that canon ''without'' damaging its integrity. I know it's a matter of personal preference, and not everyone agrees with me here, but there it is. ** You know what? I agree with you. I'm a Pokemon fan, and I've gotten really sick of how overloaded with dark fic the fandom is. Some authors can pull it off, but for the most part it's just the same tired plots and tropes. Besides, there are reasons Satoshi Tajiri made the games so family-friendly and idealistic, and I feel most dark fic thus goes against the spirit of the series. There are just so many good ways to write a more "mature" Pokemon story without going grimdark, and the mons genre has way more than enough deconstructions as it is. * My brother once managed to make a dark {{Hamtaro}} story. I don't even know how he pulled it off, he just did. * This trooper is a fan of dark fics also oddly humor. * This Troper managed to write out a DeconstructionCrossover DarkFic between HunterXHunter and {{Disgaea2}}, of all things. Sometime post

endgame in Disgaea 2, Adell ends up noticing that being a DesignatedHero completely [[BeingGoodSucks ruined his life]], and that it was [[spoiler: another person who ended up the chaos on Veldime]], making his presence ''useless''. [[{{Understatement}} He does not take]] [[SanitySlippage this very well]]. [[TheStoic Kurapika]](from HXH) is a result of this very same breakdown, [[DoomMagnet with]] [[ItsAllMyFault some]] [[FailureHero variants]]. * This troper write has written two [[AltFic alternate universes]] for ''HarpersIsland''. One, called "Captivity" (or "Life with a besotted sociopath"), is very much darkfic: basically [[spoiler:Jimmy dies after falling over the cliff with Henry and Abby is forced to remain on the island with Henry and go along with his fantasy life. No help ever arrives for her. She learns to survive by her wits alone.]] There are currently seven one-shots within the AU, all linked from [[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2122138/ here]]. * This troper wrote a Literature/{{Twilight}} darkfic, though it's more a WreckFic. It's still in writing, but after subtracting the sparkles, there's murder, attempted rape, MindRape, an apocalyptic story in a [[WorldHalfEmpty very unpleasant world]] and liberal swearing.

DarkIsNotEvil * True as it is about Goths, black metal fans are, a hell of a lot of the time, freakin' nutty, and their fashion happens to coincide with {{Goth}} fashion a lot. This Troper happens to be a black metal fan, and, well...he chased his friends with a knife last Saturday. Yeah. ** This Troper would like to stay far, far away from That Troper. *** This Troper asserts that the First Troper is trying too hard. *** This seems more like a subversion. * This troper would like to point out that fashion sense does not equal personality. Some of the nicest people he knows dress in the goth style just because they like the clothes (and in truth having a bajillion pockets on your pants can be seen as beneficial) while some of the nastiest people he knows dress in what would be considered casual wear. Fashion is just another form of art. ** In addition to the pants that rival most backpacks in terms of carrying capacity, there also the trenchcoats that border on a {{hyperspace arsenal}}. This troper knows a person who manages to lug around pretty much every handyman tool you can think of with hardly any signs of it on the outside. Hammer, check, screwdriver, check, electric drill, check, spare battery for said drill, check, spade(don't ask...), check, various boxes of screws, nails, nuts, bolts, glue, check. The only downside is that the coat weighs only slightly less then a full set of plate armor and will demolish any coathanger it comes in contact with. *** How on earth does he/she carry the spade and stay able to ''walk''? * This troper would like to add that if one has the good fortune to be born a {{Pale Skinned Brunette}} with [[CommonEyeColours green eyes]] and [[GoodHairEvilHair curly hair]], there's often little choice in the matter. She can and does look {{goth}} in a pink polo shirt and

chinos from the Gap. ** This Troper is exactly the same way. My freckles and adorable catseye glasses help negate the effect, though. ** This troper is the same, only with [[KingdomHearts Xion's haircut]]+ pigtails. She's gotten both "adorable" and "intimidating." * Subverted- This troper is friends with a goth who is a total sweetie and is actually very lighthearted (and has a wild sense of hummor). * This troper knows a female goth, now 19, who used be rather dark and moody, with her {{MySpace}} page reflecting it. Over time, though, she became more lighthearted, as well as her page, putting more focus more on goth fashion and modelling than on the lifestyle. * This troper used to eat lunch with a group of goths at school every day, since he knew a few of them from years back. He was surprised to learn that they were actually very friendly and personable. * I would like to point out that all of you are totally awkward and I don't want to talk to you. :(. ** Nobody said you had to. Hey, you can go eat in the library and squee over P.B. Shelley, for all we care. *** Above troper deserves a MadeOfWin. First troper deserves... some help. * This troper's social circle subverts this trope constantly. Most people don't expect a bunch of goths to be the jokers at parties. * In this Troper's larp group, there is one guy with a bunch of piercings and a shirt with some heavy metal band on it every time he's there. He's one of the nicest guys ever, and requires a hug from everyone before he leaves. * This troper had a friend who was pretty much this. Always wore black, lots of pins and piercings, but she was incredibly kind and just fun to be around. It also helped that she was DAMN GOOD at math - the day we cemented out friendship was the day she helped me with my math homework... and she also happened to be a fan of DevilMayCry. She has since gone to uni and I haven't seen her for about 5 years. I miss her very much. * This troper typically wears black, but more in minimalist than Goth style, mainly because he hates choosing clothes. He's had several Goth and Black Metal fan friends in his life, though (and likes good metal music himself, too), and these days he associates black leather, piercings and other elements of such fashions with people who are nice, personable, and safe. If he'd have to choose whether to walk past a gang of metalheads, or a gang of soccer fans late at night, he'd choose the metal fans any time. * This troper's friends both avoid and play this trope straight. One friend wears black and is often referred to as the anti-christ, another group of friends are the biggest goths ever and the most cheerful and friendly people I've ever met. They even gave each other nicknames, and just to put the point across that they are fun-loving people rather than sociopaths, they gave me the nickname of "cub". * This troper has a [[DeadBabyComedy twisted sense of humor]], a tendency to level death threats, and [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential a love of video games that let you torment the enemy in various different ways.]] He's actually an okay guy, according to his friends. * This troper is a reclusive DeadpanSnarker, and everything,

'''everything''' she wears, owns or uses, is black. Her wardrobe, her purse, her backpack, her wallet, her mp3 player, every single one of her gaming consoles (Yes, including her Wii) and she seldom even turns a light on. If you do get the chance to talk to her though, you'll find her to be anything but goth. Sure she's snarky and can be a bit foul-tempered, but everything being black and her general dark-andspooky gimmick is more of a BunnyEarsLawyer thing. * This troper is essentially like this, his favourite colours are black, purple and blood red and he's the only member of his family who does not cry or freak out while watching horror movies, he's also a bit of a Genius Bruiser and a Dedpan Snarker. He's also at times a big softie and almost John Candy-like in personality terms. Although it is sometimes subverted when he's pretending to be evil. Despite his twisted sense of humour and his naturally creepy ability to do a good Peter Lorre impersonation he's actually quite nice. * This troper has never been entirely sure what being a "goth" entails, but she's accused of it often. She wears black everything, as often as possible, with maybe a slogan on the t-shirt if she's feeling really flashy. And has purple hair (my friend's idea, not mine). She's also the bubbly, upbeat one in her circle of stressed and slightly gloomy friends (all of whom favour either brighter or lighter-coloured outfits). * Somewhere in the region of 95-99% of this troper's shirts are black. Combined with the fact that her work uniform precludes black pants and shoes and she only changes into her work top at... well, work, she gets a lot of stares on the commute. ** Preclude... I do not think it means what you think it means. Unless you're being stared at because you have a black shirt with non-black pants/shoes. Which I'm not sure why it would elicit stares... *** (original troper) ...uh... y'know, I actually run a community for wrong words over on livejournal and I never thought I'd get caught in this. Include. Right. Yeah. Not preclude. ...I'll just run off and self-mock now. * This troper looks pretty dark from the back... dark hair, lots of black clothes... then you get round the front and see the black shirt has an Autobots logo or "To err is human, to blame someone else indicates management potential" on it. ** I want those shirts. Heck... I just hope you're a dude so I can justify my sudden schoolgirl-crush. * [[Tropers/AXavierB This troper]] almost constantly wears a black hoodie and seems, at first glance, to be a [[LonersAreFreaks brooding, antisocial creeper]], and has been called a future killer by peers. But in reality, once I warm up to someone, I'm cheerful and friendly to [[CloudCuckooLander an almost off-putting level]]. ** Wait, there are two mes ? * Dungeons and Dragons game example: one game this troper is in has her playing a Dread Necromancer for whom standing in the presence of paladins and clerics is painful, potentially fatal, and she's usually surrounded by undead minions. She's LawfulGood, the conscience of the party, and constantly expresses moral outrage at the presence of a Binder in the party. * This troper. Sure, I like black, maybe a little too much. Yes, I'm a

bit of a loner. But I'm a bit of a KuuDere[[hottip:* :...And the [[YanDere other]] [[TsunDere deres]], but that's beside the point...]], and when I warm up to a person... let's just say I've been compared to [[TalesOfSymphonia Colette]], [[FinalFantasyX Rikku]], and [[HaruhiSuzumiya Mikuru]] ([[FreudWasRight Not like]] [[MostCommonSuperpower that]]!),, and other such PollyAnna, GenkiGirl, or MoeMoe characters. * This troper wears all black, with military boots and a trench coat (As well as long hair, and would have had a goatee if he'd had enough beard growth). He's been described as "How can you manage to be so cheerful all of the time?" and "Possibly the least dangerous person I've ever met." He also has a natural affinity with children and a goofy laugh. * All of this troper's mother-figures (besides her actual mother, who is... not particularly maternal and can be unnecessarily harsh) have been very, very goth, or otherwise dark, heavily pierced, exotically dyed, and quirky. They seem to enjoy taking care of me for some reason, despite the fact that I [[HugeSchoolgirl am not exactly waifish]] and [[ADarkerMe am an unnecessary drama-llama]]. Every group needs a den mother, I suppose. Not all these warm, maternal people are even female, either. * Might as well contribute to spreading the good word. This troper would, if the colour black was anthropomorphically personified, marry it and sire an extensive and saturnine brood. I like dark, disturbing music and movies, enjoy solitude more than other people and, if I ever got published, I'd do my level best to give my reading audience night terrors. For all this, and despite some tendency to cynicism, I'm also incredibly comfortable to be around. It helps that I'm a doormat and frequently bubbly to the point of mania. Also, I've got a fair few friends from goth and alternative backgrounds. While they're not all perma-cheerful goody two-Doc-Martens, they are still amongst the friendliest, good natured people I've had the fortune to know. * This troper can control the element of Darkness and is one of the most heroic people she knows! Of course, she also lives in her own little world and alternates between the Cloud Cuckoolander and Magnificent Bastard personalities that share her body, so she suggests you don't listen to a word she says. * Raekuul's newest project centers around a (Male) Virgin BareFistedMonk who can't get into the Knights Proper because of his Vampiric powers. Not that it really bothers him... * This troper always wears dark clothing (not a goth, he just likes it), and he can safely say he's the most empathic and sensitive person in his entire school. [[TheStoic Undercover]]. * [[Tropers/AXavierB This troper]] is a [[LonersAreFreaks recluse]] and {{deadpan snarker}}. His trademark item of clothing is a black hoodie, and he has an extremely morbid sense of humor. Everyone thinks he's an evil sociopath, but when you get to know him he's [[{{Keet}} irritatingly cheerful and airheaded]]. * This troper likes to wear her Harley-Davidson combat boots with her ZettaiRyouiki. [[http://www.zappos.com/harley-davidson-veronica-black These]], for reference. ** That sounds [[FetishFuel so hot.]]

* This troper isn't exactly dark, but he's generally a loner and doesn't talk much. In spite of this, he's known for being an allaround nice guy. * This troper has used the Magic the Gathering colors in a personality test he created that he can give on the spot to just about anyone that uses three of the five colors to help me figure out your personality. Some of the nicest people I know have Black in their personality color triangle. * This user is kind of a jerk (flipping off salesmen, using deathglare with reckless abandon to get people to move, and occasionally just running down underclassmen with a rolling backpack), wears fairly dark clothing (green, dark gray, and occasionally black if I am in a bad mood...Except for my trademark silver jacket, that coat's been through three JROTC camps, and four hunting seasons without taking any serious damage, it may very well outlive me. So I consider it a good luck charm/security item), and I hate people seeing my eyes, so I wear sunglasses on any day where it is not dark or rainy enough to render me nearly blind by doing so. BUT I don't hesitate to help the few people in this world who's existence I can actually tolerate for more then five minutes. And WILL DESTROY anyone who messes with them in the most effective manner possible (I obey all laws, however, you can't help your friends if you're doing 20 years for kicking a bully in the genitals). Being a douche does not make you evil. - Exdeath64 * [[Tropers/{{Falconfly}} This troper]] wears usually a dark coat, has black hair and spends a good part of his time resting in shadows; people tend have the LonersAreFreaks behaviour (aka: avoiding having anything to do with me) and those who are friendly somewhat seem to be scared, except my friends. That said, while I'm not truly malevolent, I'm ChaoticNeutral, and my InternetToughGuy impression genuinely seem to keep at bay any trolls or assholes, since I haven't had a single attacking comment on my DA page even when people who are simply atheists or LGBT have. * While this troper isn't nescisarily 'goth' He does have a tendancy toward dark clothes, leather trenchcoats, has dark hair, and actually experiences physical pain from the sun (Very light sensitive eyes, great for seeing in the dark, sucks for daytime). He also tends to strike up a conversation with just about ANYONE that he sits/stands near for longer than 5 minutes and will often be instant friends with them, consistently plays good alingment, and is considered the 'safest' boy that any of his girlfriends have ever dated. Oh, and did I forget to mention that my first car was a RETIRED HEARSE!!!! ** AJ? That you? * This troper is black. I haven't even killed anyone this month. * [[Tropers/{{GosuroriOtaku}} This troper]] has extremely pale skin and eyes and tends to dye her hair dark (it looks nicer that way)and wear deark clothing. She is also somewhat a {{deadpan snarker}}, but is generally considered a kind, trustworthy, friendly person by almost everyone she knows. At least those that don't yell 'Emooo!!!' at her from behind. * This troper's wardrobe is mostly black. It's warmer, and simpler, and though she doesn't consider herslef a goth, she does have a personal preference for the shade and style. However, she's

[[ApologizesALot chronically polite]] and just doesn't like being mean. People have commented on her 'surprising' cheerfulness. Also, little kids tend to gravitate towards her despite the dark appearance. Or perhaps, because of? Who knows. * It's a bit roundabout, but this Troper and her internet friend once got another internet friend really riled up by calling this trope on an OC she made, an evil gargoyle. Attempts to convince her that, historically, gargoyle's weren't evil, resulted in said internet friend throwing a hissy fit and not talking to either of us for a week. It was a nice week. * [[Tropers/{{Umbee}} I]] wear mostly black, I'm a huge NightmareFetishist, and I sometimes go out of my way to creep people out. But I'm also one of the nicest people I know, if a bit shy. * This Troper noticed that, every day when he has Law as 1st Period, there's always the same girl dressed in black in front of the classroom, waiting for class to start. Once, this Troper addressed that with a quip ("You use some kind of teleportation spell?"). When we ran into each other before class the next day (by chance -- we had different classes that day), she told me that remark hurt her feelings. I apologized, explained that I was going for a cheap laugh, and we shook hands and made up. Geez, colBoh, have you learned nothing from [[WesternAnimation/TeenTitans Raven]], [[AhMyGoddess Urd]], [[FullMetalAlchemist Lust]], and [[VideoGame/PaperMario Vivian]]? * This troper isn't goth, but wears black. He also has an intimidating physique, a deep menacing voice, a blood-curdlingly evil laugh, a sinister smile, a penetrating glare and tendancies towards MagnificentBastard and DeadpanSnarker... and yet his friends still love him. * This troper doesn't need to be a goth (although there was that phase...). This Troper is just socially awkward and was never led in into the joke of social skills. However people who took time to not be offended by this tropers mere presence often state how surprised they are that you can be nice and a bookworm and that wearing glasses doesn't make you arrogant. * [[Tropers/{{Gerusz}} This troper]] wears a lot of black (except in summer), has a black computer, black speakers, a black MP3-player and a black pen case, filled with black pens, most of them actually writing with black ink. He also listens to metal, has a penchant for DeadBabyComedy, BlackComedy and GallowsHumor. He is an extreme DeadpanSnarker on a [[SnarkKnight Daria-level]], and hates white lies with a passion, resorting mostly to BrutalHonesty. He is also extremely loyal, responsible, trustworthy (especially regarding secrets and promises), and practically can't refuse to help any of his friends. And his brutal honesty is not his mean of deliberately hurting others, but results from his personal ideas, despite him being otherwise extremely cynical. * In a roleplaying game, I made a character who was the nicest Shadowcaster you'd ever meet. She worshipped Pelor (The sun god) claiming that because shadows require light, which comes from pelor, it must be good. She regularly talked her way out of fights, and would even try to finish an enemy off with her non-lethal attacks, if reasonable. She wore blackened leather, carried around an umbrella,

and got really angry when enemy spellcasters used the good power of shadow for evil purposes. * This troper had an old friend who was extreme in her goth/emo dress. She was also one of the nicest and cheeriest people this troper has met. * Me. Just me. I listen to lots of metal (especially death metal), wear lots of black, have long hair and a giant goatee, wear a [[{{Badass Longcoat}} black leather duster]] everywhere from fall through spring, and is consistently referred to as an incredibly nice guy. I try pretty hard to be as nice as possible. * This troper got some strange looks walking down the street with her friend, both dressed entirely in black, laughing hysterically, locking arms and skipping, patting each other's heads... Additionally, her boyfriend, who dresses like a simplistic Hot Topic goth, is the nicest boy she has ever met. * All year round, every day, [[Tropers/TheAmazingIowan This troper]] wears long blue jeans and a black-colored heavy metal t-shirt. I'm a devout liberal Christian and an ActualPacifist. * This troper's favourite colour to wear is black (with blue being a close second), listens to a lot of rock and metal music (and is currently typing this while listening to Nightwish's song "Wish I Had An Angel": look up the lyrics and make of that what you will) and is rather anti-social to strangers. He is, however, one of the nicest guys in his school (for some quick maths: he's 17 3/4 on the posting date (18/2/11)), has an incredibly level temper (he's not been in a fight for over five years, despite enough abuse from some people lasting at least three years (it's not as bad as it was: some of it was pretty bad, but, when he started studying for his A-Levels, it mostly faded away, as most of the abusers left school)...and the last fight was an agreed one, so it didn't technically count: the last unagreed one was six years ago and the other person had basically been abusing him for half a year both in school and out (she walked the same way home he did), so he feels it was justified) and is a pacifist on the level that he will not strike the first blow in a physical fights. * This troper is known for wearing the color black. It is a color he feels fits him, due to [[DesignatedVillain various reasons.]] He's also African-American, and so he gets in trouble a lot with the police ,particularly because he looks [[DarkIsEvil suspicious.]] He is a FriendToAllChildren, JerkWithAHeartOfGold, and borderline TheMessiah. Wears black pants, black shirt, black hat, and black [[CrazyPrepared steel-toe shoes]]. Though in his personal opinion, he's something of a subversion. * This she-Troper. Pagan, bisexual, Geek Chic with hints of Indie Goth. Although slow to warming up to people, relationships are vital. Couple that with a short stature, and one has a lovely dark doll with frightening intellect to cherish. * Pick any employee in Hot Topic at the mall near this troper. Despite the fact they're some kind of "rebellious" stereotype incarnate, they treat you like they're your friend. * [[Tropers/{{Zenelithia}} This Pretty Goth Chick troper]] has gotten many, MANY stares and many people sent scurrying in the other

direction just because of her looks. 99% of my clothes are black, and the stuff that isn't is red. Big metal music fan who enjoys walking around in long skirts, boots, pentagram necklace, and a trenchcoat adorned with all sorts of buckles and metal thingamajigs. Has been called "emo" ONCE (definitely gave that person a death glare, GOTHS AND EMOS ARE NOT THE SAME,) "goth" numerous times (which I am happy to accept,) and even been called a devil-worshipper (which funnily enough, I am now, and this trope applies to that too!) Everyone who gets to know me says I'm one of the nicest people they have ever met, my teachers commented if I "wasn't so lazy, could be in Honors classes," and I am VERY shy (Social Anxiety Disorder anyone?) I also have a [[WorldofWarcraft "For the Horde!" t-shirt, and a Legendary Warlock t-shirt.]] Plus I'm a huge nerd, I even love math. * In the stories of this Troper, Darkness [[AnthropomorphicPersonification in human form]] is represented as a shy, weepy YamatoNadeshiko. Then there's her "mother" Water, who actually has ''darker'' skin and hair than she does; and [[{{Yangire}} alternately gives just about everyone she interacts with tons of affection and tons of physical and emotional abuse]]! * This troper has the tendency to get the cold shoulder from her classmates for being a horror fan with a [[{{deadbabycomedy}} darker]] than [[{{blackcomedy}} dark]] sense of humour and a particularly sinister appearance. People are actually shocked by the fact that she is [[{{perkygoth}} optimistic]], polite, and very friendly. * This troper does weird things with this trope. I look utterly, utterly girly (fond of makeup, dresses, heels, jewelry, etc.), am a laid-back optimist, and...delight in morbid things. It's a running joke among my friends that I'll go cannibalize small children when I get too hungry and my poetry-course classmates are amused that all of my stuff winds up about poison or murder or the gruesome death of a goldfish cracker. I've had quite a few people get freaked out overhearing such conversations, and it took a long time for aforementioned classmates to realize that finding creepy stuff interesting doesn't necessarily make me a crazy, gloomy, unhappy person. * This troper is working on a subversion in one of her stories, where the leader of the group of heroes is visually a Terminator {{Expy}} who is the most intelligent and well-spoken of the team, whereas the villain looks like an incredibly beautiful human. * This troper wears nothing but black and tends to hang out in the background, simply because I like the color and I'm a fairly shy person. [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarker]] to the extreme, as well as fairly cynical. I've dressed this way since fourth or fifth grade, and I've been called "goth" or "emo" often, even though I don't identify myself as such. I'm too lazy to do the fashions correctly, and I dislike metal music and many other stereotypically "goth" things. Dark humor is the best kind of humor, and I tend to stay pretty quiet if you don't know me. However, if you do know me, I'm probably one of the most silly, nice, loud and sarcastic people you'll meet. I can never seem to stop cracking jokes, as sarcasm and humor are my security blankets. I'm also fiercely loyal to any friends, and I tend to be the one friends come to for advice.

---Don't let my black cloak and [[RedEyesTakeWarning glowing red eyes scare you]], I'm just here to direct you back to DarkIsNotEvil.

DarkReprise * This troper has actually co-written a sarcastic echo version of 'All By Myself' for a pantomime. The song was designed to sound heart rending, until the ugly stepsisters ended each musical phrase with nasty comments about the quality of the song. Like all the best pantomime gags, this one came about partly because we couldn't think of a way to finish the phrases, and partly due to our inability to play anything straight. * When this troper was with his last girlfriend, our "song" was about how much we loved each other in spite of our flaws. Listening to it now, the song is a lamentation about how this troper still can't get her out of his head, despite everything she's done to hurt him. What's even better is that the lyrics or the tone don't need to be adjusted at all. * All For The Best from {{Godspell}} has a certain bitterness to this troper after he got rejected from the local production of said show. Now I go to the theater every day after class and perform Jesus' part on stage. * See my TroperTales entry on MusicalWorldHypotheses for information on this. -OOZE ---Revisit the DarkReprise now. Suddenly it's a [[FunnyAneurysmMoment lot less lighthearted...]] <<|TroperTales|>>

DarkSkinnedBlond * This editor recently saw a picture of one of his classmates when he was about 5 or 6. No one previously believed him when he'd said he was blond as a child. Needless to say, he was. Combined with his dark skin and green eyes, it had a rather jarring effect. His hair's jet black now, though. * This troper saw a lot of DarkSkinnedBlond women at a graduation in Spring/Summer 2010 in a city outside Boston. * This troper knows someone who is attracted ''exclusively'' to tanned blond Germans. * In the eerie coincidence category, while this troper was reading this page at work a dark skinned young man with blond hair walked up to the counter! * This troper somewhat applies to this,as his hair used to be black,but in his familiy(On the guy's side anyway) it has turned more of a [[WhiteHairedPrettyBoy silver]] color.That and the fact that he's African American. * This troper's cousin had children with a half-native American women, he's blonde, she's dark-skinned, their kids have blonde hair and dark skin.

* Common where this troper lives, in Oklahoma, where Native Americans and whites intermarry often. At least three who fit this description goes to This Troper's school. ** Having done a recount, there's six, they're all female and all very hot. * Sun bleaches hair and tans skin, so this trope is quite common in Southern California. This troper's sister is olive-skinned and sandyhaired. ** This troper can assert to that. When she was a kid, she definitely was tan with sunbleached hair, but then went reclusive at puberty and has ended up as a brunette with fairly pale skin... other than the farmer's tan on her arms. * This troper's mother; she's part Cheyenne and part German. No-one ever believes she is naturally blond, a cause of great annoyance to her. * This troper had a guy in one of her creative writing classes once, who was a Navajo man with naturally blonde (actually, bright ''yellow'') hair. She even recalls him saying, in one pre-class discussion, something along the lines of: "Yes, my hair is actually this color naturally." * This troper's older sister. * [[{{Joerc45}} This troper]] dyes his hair blonde at times, but is a bit too light to fit this trope without the proper tanning. ^_^ * I recently met a Russian girl who had been working as a lifeguard. She fit the description perfectly. * This troper's brother has sandy hair and skin which tans til it's almost the same colour, and he spends a lot of time outside, so . . . he ends up being this trope. Also, my mother was apparently this when she was younger, complete with pale blonde hair, although she spends too much time indoors now to work up much of a tan. * this troper when he was around 4 years old, had bleach blonde hair and very tan skin. Now at 19 he has Dark brown hair and is very pale. * My mother is the very definition of this trope (to contrast with me, her PaleSkinnedBrunette daughter), although she was not born this way. She was born with dark blonde hair and only slightly tanned skin, but now that she's 53 (and looks only in her late 30s), she touches up her roots (and accidentally dyed her hair) with a platinum blonde dye and it looks quite natural. Her dark skin comes from working in the sun all the time (she's essentially a gardener). Also at my school (the poor man's Los Angeles on the East Coast), many girls bleach their hair and get tans that resemble Snooki's. * This troper had a classmate in elementary school who had ruddy skin and blond hair. She was definitely Turkic, and she got poked fun at for being a blonde Asian. Teachers thought she was albino, apparently she wasn't. * I once worked with a black woman who was naturally blonde (so was her daughter) but she was frequently accused by an older black coworker to dying her hair in a attempt to "pass as white" kind of a phenotype stereotype with a negative connotation (is there a trope for that?) I commented that apparently it's understandable for white people to have variations in skin/eye/hair color but all other races must be homogeneous and she backed off.

* I have a classmate who looks just like this. She's extremely tan, although her hair is pale blonde! I don't think it's a dyejob either. * This Tropette fits the trope. When she spends enough time outside during the summer in the good old Los Angeles County heat, she can get the perfect look. As she hasn't for the past few summers, she's fairly monochromatic now, but with summer closing in, she intends on getting the {{Dark Skinned Blond}} look back. What's worse, her best friend is an {{Eerie Pale Skinned Brunette}}, which makes the contrast so much more visible. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DarkSkinnedRedHead Ever met a natural redhead with dark skin? Naaaah, didn't think so. ---* My hair is more of a copper-color than full-on red. :/ But I'm certainly pretty brown. * Well, thistroper met one who dyed her hair red. Does that count? ** ...No. * This troper's brother used to semi-qualify. His hair's towards the browner end of the spectrum of redheadedness but it still counts as red, and when he was younger he always had a bit of a perma-tan, not a lot but more then you'd expect of someone with his hair colour. However, not even the perma tan could withstand several years of him hiding in his bedroom so he's been disqualified. * This troper knows one - a half-Iranian girl who has naturally red hair, a permanent deep tan and... freckles. ** HNNNNG! *** This troper does too. * This troper once had a cousin (by marriage) who appeared black except for his naturally red hair. She never met him, as he died when she was very young, but her mom told her about him. * Uh, my friend has naturally red hair and is black. It looks good on her. * Considering all the characters mentioned are either Arabian in origin or just have a tan....Yeah I've met plenty of "dark skin" redheads since when was Tan considered Dark skinned I thought it was just tan. * I doubt this. Really? I am dark skinned, because I'm mexican, and also because my parents took me to the beach every day since the day after I was born. My hair is copper red. So... Nobody else? Really? Please, don't let me be alone. ** Hey buddy, if I could tan, I would. ** My mum has dark olive skin and naturally auburn-red hair. She didn't like being a redhead, though, so she dyed her hair brown. Also, my dog is a Shiba Inu- they have orange fur and black skin. I don't know if that counts for anything. Just throwing it out there. * My youngest brother and late great-uncle. We're fair-skinned black. * This troper has a cousin who's Hispanic on her mother's side (giving her darker skin) and part Irish on her father's side (giving her

really red hair and freckles). * A friend of mine has a Scottish father and Filipino mother. She's short, curvy, deeply tanned, freckled, and has the most vibrant red hair I've ever seen. * My family is heavily English, Irish, and Scottish (English and Irish on my dad's side, Irish and Scottish on my mom's) with some Belgium, French, Penobscot, and Creek thrown in (Belgium, French, and Creek from my mom's side, Penobscot from my dad's). I myself have bright red hair, green eyes, and the palest skin in the world (I can't tan). My brother has brown hair, blue-grey eyes, and he tans lightly. My little sister, however, has red hair, hazel eyes ... and she TANS. And she's out in the sun a lot, too, so she has a pretty good tan, too, even in winter. So, yes, TV tropes, I have met a dark-skinned redhead. * My genes are a genetic cocktail, so I can become one when I spend too much time in the sun. People would always ask me if I dyed my hair, but they didn't believe it was natural, so I dyed my hair Dark Brown and secluded myself in my room, effectively becoming a ''PaleSkinnedBrunette'' * This troper once saw a little girl with deep tan skin and orange hair. Looked very unnatural, I don't know how it happened. * This troper's immediate family excluding herself because of her status as the ''PaleSkinnedBrunette''. No, my father's not the milkman. Heritage: Shawnee/German on father's side, Stockbridge/African/Russian on mother's side. * This troper technically is one. As in I tan to a certain extent during the warm months. I think being portuguese irish has something to do with it. * I have dated two redheads in my time. Both loved to sunbathe, neither would tan they both would just kind of turn from pale white to pink. * This troper works with a guy whose father is of Greek decent and his mother of Irish. This has led to him having flaming red hair and olive skin, and meant that when he lived in Australia, he got dark rather than burnt. This very pale blonde is excessively jealous. * This troper's friend's family has several of these. Apparently, several generations ago, the great-great grandmother was an AfricanAmerican slave owned by an Irish man. I'm sure you can guess what happened. Ever since then, those genes crop up once every generation. My friend's aunt has red hair and striking green eyes, which led her to become a professional model for a short time back in the eighties. * This Jewish troper knew several Israeli girls in her hebrew school with very dark skin and bright red hair. My hair turns reddish in the sun, but it's predominately dark brown, and I have light olive skin that never burns. <<|TroperTales|>>

DartboardOfHate Putting a picture of someone you hate on a dartboard so you can throw darts at it isn't limited to fictional media. Some people do it in real life too.

---* [[FroggoFan64 The troper starting this page]] does it with pictures of cartoon characters he detests, such as [[FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends Bloo]] and [[TheFairlyOddparents Trixie Tang]]. * I've got one for Miley Cyrus. * This Troper's father made off with a large picture of Dick Cheney a while back. It just needs corkboard and darts (or so he will tell us gleefully) to be complete. * I used to have(and have since retired)a Sadamm Hussein dartboard that had seen a lot of use. I've been looking for a B. Hussein Obama one to replace it, but have yet to find it. * [[DeltaOne This Troper]] had a friend who, as a hobby, threw knives. Proper throwing knives. She used to practice by putting a cardboard cutout up against a piece of corkboard and throwing at it. Most hilarious one was a cutout of Harrison Ford, which she couldn't bring herself to impale. * This Troper's mother took a target home after a day at the shooting range. She took a sharpie and named it after her Ex-Husband. * This Troper could use a picture of the [[WhatAnIdiot Obama-hating troper above]] to use as ''his'' dartboard. ** This troper would lend you darts. * In the sixth grade, a friend of mine cut up our class picture and put the people she hated on her mini dartboard. * Back when I was first year law student, right before Christmas break of our first semester a classmate who decided to drop out after that semester gave me his dartboard as he was getting rid of excess belongings so he wouldn't have to move them. I found a picture of the professor I hated most, put it on the dartboard, and took out my frustrations with him that way. * Not real darts, but this troper has a target for suction darts with [[{{Adolf Hitler}} Hitler's]] face on it. Previous targets have included Benito Mussolini, Pol Pot, and [[{{Arson Murder And Jaywalking}} Steve, this one jackass I knew from school.]] ---Return to the main article [[DartboardOfHate here]]. Ten points if you get it through Hitler's nose. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DastardlyWhiplash * For a script, I made a parody of this. But who would play it straight? It's so damn funny! * This troper had to compose an original melodrama as part of a school assignment. Of course, I was playing the villain- Dr. Crash Blink, exactly like this trope, but [[RecycledInSpace IN THE FUUUTURRREEEE!]]

DatePeepers * [[{{WJC}} This Troper]] remembers hearing about one poor guy in his year at school who liked a particular girl. However, every time he went to ask him out, his volleyball team would turn up and watch. [[{{PassThePopcorn}} Once they even brought chairs.]] (Eventually, she said no.) * This troper made a rule that no one was ever allowed to ask her out in front of people because she's a heartless bitch and also because of the traumatic experience of being backed into a corner and asked out while at least five of her friends watched and egged the guy on. * While not peeping directly per se, my friend will frequently text her roommate about every five seconds to call a "hand check" when she's on a date. ** Similarly, another one of my friends proposed text-bombing my newlywed friend on his wedding night. The idea was quickly nixed as being in bad taste, though. * My elder sister was slow dancing with her boyfriend at the school dance. I walked up to them and said hi. They both gave me the finger at exactly the same time. It was pretty much synchronized a little creepy actually. * The night my ex asked me to be his girlfriend, my friends stalked us from a distance, hiding behind cars and trees in the parking lot, and yet they still managed to miss our first kiss. They actually stalked us quite a bit in the early days of our relationship, before they decided they didn't like him.

DatingWhatDaddyHates * This Troper spent three years dating a woman whose parents couldn't stand me... and I'm in no stretch of the imagination a "bad boy." * This Troper isn't allowed to date any non-geeks. Dad's orders. Don't think this is going to be a problem though. ** [[GeekyTurnOn Like]] [[{{meganekko}} geeky girls]]? * This Troper was very reasonably asked to never dated a man who grew up in a culture where women are subservient to men. On the other hand, Dad also warned her about [[CompleteMonster Red Sox fans...]] * This Troper in high-school once dated a girl purely to rub it in her father's face who I despised. Quite twisted really. * Black and Liberal in Georgia. Blond and blue eyed Cheerleader girlfriend's father makes certain commentators look Liberal with his beliefs. At least he has a good sense of humor. For Christmas I got a Rush Limbaugh book from him and I got him a Keith Olbermann talking Bobblehead and Mug. * Subverted with this troper's family. This troper's Armenian relatives(his mom's side), who are way into their Armenian-ness, have never had any problem with the fact that his father is about as whiteAmerican as one can get. * Subverted with this tropette's family as well. Her Japanese grandparents don't mind that their daughter married a white-American. ** On another note, I think my dad is relieved that his little girl has sworn never to date a Democrat (my family is Republican) after a

pretty nasty and uncomfortable period of time wasted with her ex. * This troper's close friend dated a communist just to piss off her father. * This troper's mother wants her to date "Dr. Prince Charmington Harvard Yale Brown III, Esq." And she does go into borderline KnightTemplarParent mode when it comes to protecting her from "threats to her well-being," so she is always very anxious about bringing guys home. Her father is (usually) more easygoing, but then, he isn't the one who dominates the family. * This troper's father hates people who are jewish. Her current boyfriend is jewish. ----

DawsonCasting * This troper, then fifteen, played an eight-year-old CreepyChild in a video for French class (by necessity -- she was working alone on the project, and couldn't find a little girl to play her character), and her appearance wasn't very convincing (largely because she kind of slapped together a costume which emphasized her HartmanHips by accident). * This troper once played little orphan Annie at age 13. * This troper is 26. He's still sometimes mistaken for a high school student. (Being [[TeensAreShort 5'4'']] probably has a lot to do with it.) * This troper is 20. Most people put her age at around 14. I've been told this will benefit me in later years, but it is ''really hard'' to get people to take me seriously as an adult. * The reverse, as a result of DawsonCasting... this troper lost out on the role of 15 year old Kim in a production of Bye Bye Birdie because it was decided that she was too young-- at age 16. * Proof that this trope is [[RealityIsUnrealistic affecting people's perceptions of real life]]: [[Tropers/TheRedRedKroovy this troper]] was on a field trip to the Great Swamp National Wildlife Refuge with his (college) biology class, when we were asked by one of the landscapers what {{high school}} we were from. We told her "college," and then joked around with her about watching too much ''GossipGirl''. * One of my female friends is 5'3" and has a very childish face. She also acts like a little child, she's always hyper and she has a short attention span. Most people think she's 13 or 14. She's 17. (And extraordinarily brilliant.) * [[{{Be}} This troper]] routinely gets asked for ID at bars and such, which is fine, clean-shaven there's no way he looks 18. It gets slightly harder to stomach when he gets asked for ID when attempting to buy games or [=DVDs=] rated 15. FYI, he's 21. ** I wouldn't call that Dawson Casting. People who are in the business of checking ID often err on the side of caution, which is why many establishments post signs that they check ID for anyone who looks under 30. I don't know so much about video games, but a bar can get in a lot of trouble for serving underage drinkers. *** It depends where you are. In most of the United States, that's true. In certain parts of Canada, however (like Quebec, where the

drinking age is often considered "just a suggestion") it's not such a huge deal. So you went to the bar at 17 rather than 18. Who cares? * This troper's friend is a professional dancer who, at 28 years old, still looks young enough that she got an audition for the UK national tour of ''HighSchoolMusical'' - as one of the kids! * This troper frequently gets carded by the proctors at the high school where she teaches! I'm frequently mistaken for a student. I can't blame them, though, as I have been stopped by a cop who thought I was a sixteen year-old truant. I'm 33 and barely 5'2, by the way. * This troper has always looked younger than he is, a family trait. Both of my parents are in their 70's, and look at least 20 years younger. I'm 40 and still get mistaken for being in my mid-20s... even moreso when I shave off my goatee and mustache. * This Troper is a 19 year old, who was once mistaken for an 11 year old. People think her tall 15 year old sister is older than her. * This troper is 21. But her young face, [[PetitePride small chest]], and [[TeensAreShort height of 5'5"]] cause many people to believe she's about 16. * This troper, at 21, doubled as Fleance (12-ish) and Young Macduff (maybe 5 or 6) in a production of {{Macbeth}}. True, she was the youngest in the cast, but she was also the ''tallest''. She wound up spending the whole murder-of-the-Macduffs scene sitting on the floor. * A girl I know expressed irritation at this trope, she was rejected at an audition for looking too young for the parts they were casting, even though she was the same age as the characters. * I've experienced the inverse of this. Wear the right clothes, carry around the right attitude, and a 20-year-old can convince the guy at the counter he doesn't need to be carded. * [[MtOlivePickles This troper]] is kind of an odd example. When I had been at my job a year, one of my coworkers asked how old I was and was surprised when I said 22: "I thought you were seventeen at the most!" But when I was actually underage (around 13/14, to be exact), I was thought to be much older than I was due to being tall for my age and [[BigBreastsBigDeal being more developed]] than the average middle schooler. * This Troper, despite being seventeen and taller than her fourteenyear-old sister, is often mistaken for a twelve-year-old while said sister is thought to be at least sixteen. * My friend has looked like she belongs in fifth grade since she was in seventh grade. She's seventeen. People ask her what elementary school she's in. Obviously, she always tries out for the little kid parts in drama. The trope was horribly inverted when my friend was extremely excited to try out for Gavroche (the little boy) in Les Miserables. The part was given to a fifth grade boy because the drama teacher thought that no older student even wanted the part. ** Technically that is horribly ''averted'' because Gavroche '''is''' supposed to be a child (though 13 when he dies). Inverted would be if he was supposed to be an older teenager and this happened. * In this troper's area, a "child" on the buses is from 6 up to 16, though people try to buy them afterwards. I managed it for about a year before being [[GrowingTheBeard foiled by facial hair]]. Rumours abound of people trying it on at 18 or 19. My mother supposedly

managed it until she was ''23''. * I've often have the reverse of this, when I was fourteen my neighbor had asked me how old I was. I naturally replied "Fourteen", the neighbor went "What? I thought you were at least sixteen or seventeen!". Also, the first year I started high school, countless people thought that I was either a junior or a senior. I have also been mistaken for a store clerk and also someone working in a hair store in the mall. Parents say it's because of my "personality/maturity", I say otherwise. * A friend of this troper is a recent graduate in her early 20s who's played kids almost half her age onstage, due to being about 5'2" and babyfaced with the figure of 13-year-old. * This troper, at almost 20 and a sophomore in college, was assumed to be a sophomore in high school. * [[Tropers/RandomSurfer I]] am currently 43 years old, and am playing Artie Straus in ''Compulsion'', based on the Leopold & Loeb murder case. Artie is the Loeb character - age 18. "He barely even shaves yet!" * This troper's 15 and STILL gets asked if she wants a kids' menu at resteraunts. * This troper often feels Dawson Cast in his own life: he's ''barely'' 20, but is always taken for being in his mid- to late twenties. * I'm 40, above-average height, buxom, and I really do have some grey hairs mixed in with the light brown. Most people guess my age at between 23-25, and a couple people have even guessed 20. One professor teased me about having a fake ID after he found out my real age, and another used me as backup in our history class when we reached events that I could remember. Funny thing about the second- a girl in class got very indignant over my "claim" to be older than the professor, and the usually deadpan professor was smirking as he confirmed that, actually, I was. * I'm an 18 year old college freshman and I was watching the movie ''Remember the Titans'' with my younger brother and he commented that all of the high school characters in the movie were younger than me but they looked way older. I had to explain this trope to him. His response, because he is quite snarky, was "You're just mad because you look young". While I admit that I am younger looking than a lot of guys my age, even the older looking guys my age don't look as old as the actors in that movie. * This troper has tried ''excessively'' to get cast as younger girls in plays (only a year or two younger than my age) but is always rejected for being "too old and tall"... okay, maybe 5'8 is tall for a fourteen year old but still! Then when I try out for 17-22 year old girls I'm not cast because I'm "too young". I just can't win!!!!!!! * My grandpa played that nerd who stabbed Brenda in Scary Movie. But he was credited as "young man in theatre." * My high school is putting on {{Urinetown}} as a play, and Little Sally is being played by a teenage girl. It's very disconcerting to see The sweet little Sally driving home after rehearsals. * Last year, I was in a homeschool production of ''CheaperByTheDozen''. We had a few aversions... but the boy playing Jackie, who is supposed to be the youngest (not counting the babies,

who were mentioned, but unseen in the play), was in 7th or 8th grade at the time (I can't remember), and in an inversion, the mother and father were played by a junior and senior in high school, respectively. This was particularly awkward when there was a line near the end about Mr. Gilbreth being in his 50s, which was referring to how [[spoiler: he was having heart trouble.]] Also, one 7th or 8th grader (I can't remember that detail either) played three characters, two of who were supposed to be in high school, and another who was the family doctor. I was actually one of the aversions, playing Frank, Jr., who, while not the oldest child, was the oldest boy. I was 17 at the time. In another inversion, the girl playing Anne was, again, in either 7th or 8th grade (I really can't remember any of those...). * Not a Dawson Casting example, but an example of how Dawson Casting ruined my ability to tell how old people are at first glance, especially women. Women in general love this, because I've mistaken a 40 year old for 22, but this also has a downside, I often also mistake high school girls for being around 20, and that could land me in a heap of trouble if I'd never find out the girl's age and pursue a relationship with her. * Some years ago at a library I wanted to take out a video but the librarian said I needed to have a parent sign a form saying that I understood the rules about being careful with them and would return them on time, etc. "Can my husband sign instead? I'm 25," I told him. Also, a teacher refused to let me into a school where I was substitute teaching during lunch period, because she thought I was an elementary school student when I was 23. Finally, I was hit by a snowball when I was walking into another school where I was substituting. The boy who threw it wailed to the principal, "I wouldn't have thrown it if I'd known she was a teacher!" (They had a no snowballs policy, though.) The fact that I'm five feet tall probably has something to do with all of this. ----

Get someone to take- oh, wait, you can drive? That's right, it's your ''character'' who's 12. Go back to DawsonCasting. <<|TroperTales|>>

DaydreamBeliever * This troper used to have a friend who honestly believed that the four main characters of ''YuYuHakusho'' existed -- and, not only that, but they existed to protect her from demons and were invisible to normal humans. Granted, she was thirteen at the time... ** ''Thirteen?'' Um, [[FlatWhat what.]] * [[@/SabrinaDiamond This troper]] has clearly been watching/reading too many anime and movies and wishes at least half of those movies were real, or if I wish or think hard enough my own characters would become real (like in the theory of Tulpa). Thanks to reading Animorphs, when young I had some ParanoiaFuel about the Yeerks coming

to invade us- and now I hope Pandora (the Avatar movie!) exists in some AlternateUniverse... Being a Therian doesn't help at all. I think that my own life is a really badly acted unfortunate RealityTv show! * This troper spent her entire childhood expecting to become a [[SailorMoon Sailor Scout]] when she turned 13. She was also very disappointed about not getting a Hogwarts acceptance letter. Oh, the wasted years... ** [[@/JET73L This troper]] was a DoubleSubversion. Of ''course'' there's no chance of getting accepted to [[HarryPotter Hogwarts]]... Hogwarts operates in and for Great Britain, so there would have to be a separate system for the U.S. On top of that, I had been rather fatalistic about meeting Harry Potter in any sort of system transfer/inter-school activity, since although the films' Harry Potter was to be less than a year older than I was, the book Potter would have been in a different age class altogether (and, as evidenced by later clues and eventually WordOfGod, graduated by the time the first book came out in the U.S.). Yes, I did the calculations. [[ArbitrarySkepticism I was quite strange]]. This of course ended long before the fourth book came out, which actually introduced the idea of schools from other countries. * This troper and his aunt have thought about the idea that in an alternate universe, their lives are a manga. Fairly odd, but not compared to some of the above... * [[@/{{sabrina_diamond}} This troper]] thinks her life is a computer game/reality show and the goal is... ** This one wants to comment on how he's increasingly sure he's a character in a sitcom, complete with frequent silences after something silly happens because of course he can't hear his own LaughTrack, but can't because he's supposed to take such comments to this trope's nonexistent Troper Tales page. *** This troper semi-seriously entertained similar beliefs when she was young, but reflected on what a plotless show it was. Now she knows better... she is living in a postmodern novel about politics and the internet. *** Maybe it's [[{{Seinfeld}} a show about nothing?]] ** [[@/{{Specialist290}} Yours truly]] used to suspect that his life was a sitcom when he was in high school. Now that he's in college, he's starting to wonder if it's a {{seinen}} anime... ** [[@/{{Nomic}} This troper]] sometimes thinks his life in high school took place in a sitcom, but he wasn't the star of the show. *** Just be glad it wasn't a teen drama. ** You too? Just looking over this wiki has [[@/{{Ryumaru}} me]] convinced that my life is... well... just check my Contributor page. ** This is all, of course, incorrect. This reality is, in fact, the setting to a video game, and, while most people believe themselves to be the main character, [[@/DamienTheKillerIguana This Troper]] is quite aware that he is nothing more than [[BossBattle a boss]]. Possibly a RecurringBoss, possibly an [[BonusBoss optional superboss]] or maybe just a [[ThatOneBoss really, really hard one.]] Whatever the case, one day, I will have a massive battle with someone in my own personal arena, and, though I'll ultimately defeated by him, ''it's really gonna be FUN!''... This Troper has issues with this

trope. ** This troper's high school years were ''definitely'' a sitcom of some kind set in [[OneGenderSchool an all boys school]]. He was most likely the main character, a BrilliantButLazy CoolLoser and fluctuated between "generally kinda popular" and "loner" [[DependingOnTheWriter depending on the episode]], with plots varying from everyday life to the... really, ''really'' stupid antics that he pulled on a semiregular basis which [[StatusQuoIsGod always sorted themselves out somehow]]. * This troper has invented a (semi...) complete fictional history of the [[LordOfTheRings Middle Earth]] auto industry. Ties in with an old legend in car circles that the 1957 Chevy stayed in production ''somewhere'' well into TheSixties, along with the usual branch-plant suspects. * This troper occasionally worries, late at night, in bed but before he can go to sleep, that some day he's going to run into a character he wrote early in his writing career. They are not likely to be happy with or forgive him. ** I do this same thing, but with characters I have now. It would be both awesome and horrible to meet one of my characters. ** If any of the characters [[@/{{Digital-Madness}} this troper]] ever wrote about were to meet him, he would have a whole lot of explaining to do. * [[Tropers/HopelessRomance This Troper]] has a friend who honestly believes SherlockHolmes existed and will [[BerserkButton tear you a new one if you say otherwise.]] * [[@/PlanetCool This troper]] (who shamelessly identifies himself as a DaydreamBeliever on his contributor's page) often entertains the possibility that the characters in many (if not all) works of fiction can actually think and may even be aware of their lot as fictional characters, a la ''ThursdayNext''. He also considers the possibility that they ''don't'' know they're fictional, a la RealLife. * In her formative years, this troper steadfastly believed that she and her friends were [[{{Digimon}} Digidestined,]] and were going to be swept up into the Digital World any day to help save the universe. She even could have sworn that one of her friends was "possessed" for a little while by [=DeviTyrannimon=], the BigBad in the Digital World at that time. Unless they were given VictoryGuidedAmnesia by a kindly Mega-level Digimon, this hasn't happened yet. ...Damn, now I'm wondering. * When somebody says that [[AnimationAgeGhetto animated films are nothing but kiddy trash and have no real artistic merit]], this troper can't help but feel that the person is more than a little [[FantasticRacism racist]] against the [[{{Toon}} toons]]... * This troper, at 11 years old and having rented ''TheLegendOfZelda: Ocarina of Time'' a couple times, was a Zelda fanboy who thought Hyrule was real and existed in a parallel universe. * [[@/{{Starscream}} I]] still (and always will) believe that my favorite "fictional" universes exist somewhere...they're just waiting to be discovered. I do ''not'', however, fit into any of the subcategories in the main page; it's just a general thing. ** Are you me?

** Or me, though they exist in the multiverse, and it goes for any sort of work, be it books, movies, TV shows, or video games. How they remain existing with plot holes (see: Data using contractions in early episodes of StarTrekTheNextGeneration), I don't have a clue. *** Maybe the screenwriters/authors whatever are people who can "see" into alternate universes without realizing it, but they don't always see things properly or they get it wrong while writing it down, or change it because they think it makes a better story, thus introducing plot holes. Yes, I've entertained the "alternate universes" viewpoint too. Also it's 1 am. ** [[@/ThomasCastle This troper]] is of a similar mindset. He believes that every piece of fiction ever invented resides in its own little alternate universe somewhere, of which the creator of the universe is its personal god. It helps with empathizing with his characters when he does some horrible new torture to them. He also believes that this universe is a similar fictional universe. ** [[@/MonSolo This troper]] is relieved that she is not the only one who believes this. She also firmly believes that StarTrek is set in a universe that appears to be nearly identical to our own, except that the laws of physics are less important than those of NarrativeCausality. ** It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who believes this. Just imagine: [[AllMythsAreTrue somewhere out there]], [[TheSandman there's a king of all that is fictional, watching both over that which doesn't exist and that which does]]. Somewhere, [[UminekoNoNakuKoroNi there's a witch clad in gold, held in the eternal embrace of her loved one]]. [[TheDCU Somewhere, sometime]], [[GreenLantern a brash, fearless man is chosen to be part of a force that protects the entire universe]], and another [[TheFlash with a reputation of being late to everything becomes the fastest man alive]]. Somewhere out there, [[{{Multiverse}} many worlds exist]], [[{{Planescape}} connected by]] [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve beliefs and thoughts]]. I believe in this sort of thing because it ''can't'' be true. Does that make any sense? * [[@/SapphireFlame This troper]] maintains that fictional characters are "real" in a memetic sense. That is, they exist inside the mind of anyone who reads/watches them. Therefore, theoretically, someone who manages to get into the mindset of the character and walks, talks, and acts like them has effectively made the character "real", albeit in the body of someone who's a little too obsessed with said character. So, if you tried to act, talk, and think ''just like'', say, [[TwentyFour Jack Bauer]], you have effectively "become" him and brought the character into the real world. Soulbonding doesn't sound ''quite'' so crazy now, does it? ** So a character actor is pretty much a professional soulbonder? *** And every time they stop acting, the character goes back to their world? *** Well, only someone who was truly a lunatic could perfectly emulate a fictional character, and there's no "world" for the character to go back to. They're just that: an idea. It's really more of a thought experiment. **** Its impossible to emulate anyone real or fictional perfectly, regardless of sanity.

***** I suppose even with AlternateCharacterInterpretation, probably. ** [[@/{{Skritz}} I]] suppose that as long as someone remember the character, it technically exist. ** [[@/{{Dukia}} This troper]] can attest to that. She is a [[DracoInLeatherPants former fangirl]] of [[{{Squick}} Spandam]] from ''OnePiece''. At some point during her one and a half years of Spangirlism, the character almost became "real" to her: that is, she started thinking of, and nicknamed, [[ShadowArchetype her own evil side]] as "Spandam." However, she is (and was) fully aware that the character isn't real: this mental "Spandam" is just symbolic (and exaggeratedly so) of how she tends to treat others when angry, annoyed, or otherwise under a lot of stress. * [[@/{{Lurkerbunny}} This troper]], despite her other eccentricities, usually doesn't do this sort of thing. And yet every time she sees a headline about a supposed UFO spotting, she frantically clicks the article wondering "Was it [[MorkAndMindy shaped like an egg]]? Did anyone come out of it? Did he look like a young RobinWilliams?". * @/{{Griffin}}, when she was younger, used to make imaginary friends/adopted children out of fictional characters. Her little sister joined in the fun. [[spoiler:They even had this sort of weird imaginary alternate shapeshifting thing where they were two eagles who were mates, except when they transformed back to humans. Naturally, now they look back at that and go o_0.]] (Censored for {{Squick}}) * To this day, this troper (''even though she's sixteen'') finds herself believing in the NightsIntoDreams Nightmaren (Reala, Jackle, etc.) and that they actually cause you to have good or bad dreams. That's why she leaves several pennies under her pillow for Jackle so he won't give her any more bad dreams...(It works! Seriously!) ** Well, of course. Since dreams are mentally generated, it stands to reason that if you believe something works, it will. * For some reason, I believe that there exists an alternate universe where ''we'' are fiction, complete with normal everyday lives, and DieForOurShip movements, I even think that in another universe, I'm paired up with a relatively insane girl while another friend is turned into an ass, but when he's paired up with the insane girl, I turn into an evil mastermind conspiring to rape her, and don't get me started on the frickin' yaoi. * This troper spent much of her childhood earnestly believing one could turn into a Furby. Later, earnestly wanting to believe the events of the ArtemisFowl books were nothing but sober truth. (It helped that I had just been put through all the confusing and upsetting stuff that goes with being labeled a "gifted child", and my only real role model for what the optimal intelligent child would be like happened to be a twelve-year-old evil genius.) At the moment, I'm perfectly happy to call upon [[ShamanKing Faust VIII]] when getting shots, or [[{{Gankutsuou}} Franz D'Epinay]] when called upon to make a dramatic sacrifice, but I don't actually ''believe'' in them. * When [[@/GwenStacyWannabe I]] was a child, I did not create imaginary friends...I ''stole'' them from movies and books! I distinctly remember playing "catch" in the backyard with [[TheLionKing Shenzi]], and really believing that [[ToyStory toys came to life]] and...I can only imagine what the neighbors thought. More recently, I

read a fanfic proposing that centuries later, the descendants of [[AvatarTheLastAirbender benders]] still exist, and I have kind of adopted this theory simply because it fascinates me. ** Now this sounds familiar!... though for me it wasn't TheLionKing but rather the characters from [[FurryFandom Disney's Robin Hood]]. * I worry sometimes that being a DaydreamBeliever as a kid (and still a daydream believer at heart) is why I'm so cynical these days. * This Troper [[DaydreamBeliever DaydreamBelieves]] too. Believes in the [[http://www.tenthdimension.com/medialinks.php tenth dimension]]version of it. That is: if infinite possibilities exist, then everything must exist somewhere. Actually, going by that I believe in the ''[[UpToEleven eleventh]] dimension'' which, I will be the first to admit, is pure bullshit I made up when bored. When the tenth dimension is every possibility ever, the only logical step to go further is to imagine '''im'''possibilities. Which is, of course, impossible. Told you it was bullshit. :D * This troper (Ettina), from around 7-10 years old, insisted that the {{Animorphs}} series was true and we were really being secretly invaded by mind-controlling aliens. I even accused some of the nastier people I knew of being Controllers. * This troper is still waiting for a letter from Hogwarts. They're... They're just a little late, s'all... * You watch, this troper will be sailing the stars in a [[Series/DoctorWho TARDIS]] in no time! Still waiting for her Hogwarts letter, and to be taken away to Neverland to fight pirates with Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. Sixteen is not too old. Sixteen is not too old. Sixteen is not too old. * As a child this troper wanted to become a KnightInShiningArmour, Then a SuperHero, Thena journalist because that's what superheroes were in their secret [=IDs=]. It took me quite a while to realize I might need to settle for writing about these kinds of people. Still wonder whether I'd make a good espionage agent though. * This troper considers works of fiction as their own little universes with various departures from our reality. He like to abuse this hypothesis by attempting to combine different works into their own universe. ** For example, Highlander proves that Sean Connery movies are a single continuity. This means that Ramirez has been, variously, a British secret agent, a Russian sub captain, Robin Hood, and various other roles while trying to disguise his true identity as an immortal. * Somewhere between 10 and 11 years old [[@/{{Falconfly}} this troper]] believed the dragons from {{Dragonology}} were real and that every single fucking thing in that book was real science. Then came DragonsAFantasyMadeReal, only to make things worse. * Until he was 10, troper Charlie Brown thought that COLOR was a human invention or discovery between the 40's and 50's, and that it integrated into society in a Pleasantville-like fashion. For perspective, he was 22 when Pleasantville was in theaters. * This troper likes to believe that the worlds from books, movies, and anime are real in alternate worlds. Authors and writers are simply gifted at seeing into these other worlds subconsciously and drawing inspiration from them to write stories for our own world.

* This troper, when he was a kid, would hold up a toy digivice to his computer daily. ** I did the same, but mine wasn't a toy. It just...came in the same packaging as the toys...yeah. * This troper recalls seeing someone like this on the [[{{Neopets}} Neoboards]] (that reviled spawning ground for nooblets), where someone was spamming Kingdom Hearts roleplaying threads. Either he was a troll, or he honestly believed that he was in a sexual relationship with Roxas. Probably a troll, though. * I still look up at the sky almost every day expecting to see [[CastleInTheSky Laputa]]. * For years, this troper believed that her {{Neopets}} would just jump out of the computer and live in the real world with her. Still hasn't happened yet... * [[@/PentiumMMX2 This troper]] believed in the existence of a AlternateUniverse his sister came up with at a slumber party with their oldest cousin ages ago. In this alternate universe, everyone is [[GenderBender gender-swapped]] and is also a form of royalty (Therefore, this male troper was [[EverythingsBetterWithPrincesses a princess]] in that alternate universe). I still would like to [[Series/DoctorWho fall through a crack in time & space while traveling in the TARDIS]], meet the female version of myself, and [[ScrewYourself do her]]. ** Seconded! When I run into the alternate-universe guy version of myself, no one's going to see either of us for days. (And then we're going to do TwelfthNight.) * [[@/TheTallOne I]] believe in the theory of a multiverse where every reality you can think of exists somewhere, in a parallel universe. I'm a DaydreamBeliever by default in that case. Also it's extremely comforting on really bad days to think that somewhere you are fighting dinosaurs with Luke Skywalker and Link. * I used to believe in fairies, mermaids and ghosts...then, I became a b**ch and life got slightly different... * Ever since [[@/MightyKombat I]] played TheLegendOfZeldaMajorasMask, I just can't trust that moon anymore. And I keep thinking that [[{{Castlevania}} One of the Belmonts]] is hiding in my college. * This troper became convinced, in her freshman year of college, that she and her friends were living in a DianaWynneJones novel. Since then, she's never been sure if she's in a harem manga, a P.G. Wodehouse story, a D&D campaign, or some kind of weird softcore hentai. Her current theory is that she lives in a fanfiction of her own life, which keeps changing authors, genres, [=AUs=], and shipping preferences. (Also, her brother's car is totally a TARDIS. It's blue and can fit implausible amounts of stuff inside and bad plans happen in it. What?) * At the age of ten, this troper was halfway convinced that she would wake up on her sixteenth birthday floating above her bed (a la ''SabrinaTheTeenageWitch'')...and was mildly disappointed when it didn't happen (six years later). She also gathered her favorite toys in front of the TV to watch Toy Story 2 because she still believed there was a possibility that the toys were alive. She was in high school at the time.

* This troper's still not ''entirely'' convinced she'll never be able to go back in time to attend certain events and meet certain people. [[WideEyedIdealist It's just... unfair, otherwise.]] * This troper likes to ponder the possibilities shown in TheMelancholyOfHaruhiSuzumiya; namely that there could be a person out there, that you might even know, who has power over the entire universe... and they don't even know it. Heck, it might even be ''you!'' * This troper has maintained that there is something called the "Tree of Reality", wherein every reality "B" there exists a parent node to a higher reality "A" where reality "B" is a work of fiction. Within reality "A", every work of fiction branches into a child node on sibling level of reality "B", but unknown by the citizens of reality "B". They can be crossed over, but in so far as the author of "B" wills his work to merge with a sibling node. Further more, anyone in reality "B" can create a child node reality "C" where C is a work of fiction within the work of fiction of "B". This tree expands in a child direction ad infinitum and in a parent direction until either ad infinitum OR "God" is achieved. ** So, [[{{Anathem}} a Directed Acyclic Graph, Wick version?]] * This Troper collected all the rings from the BlackestNight books and still likes to pretend that one day, aliens will induct him into the GreenLantern corps. I used to think that my toys were alive ala ToyStory, and would talk about me while I was gone. I also once dreamed that I was reading a forum discussion about my own life, and people were [[{{Shipping}} shipping]] me with my friends. Oh, and apparently, my then-girlfriend at the time was TheScrappy of the show. [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife I really need to stop browsing TV tropes before I go to bed...]] * In [[@/{{ladygem}} this troper's]] Senior year of high school she had to do a project where she planned out and budgeted her life 14 years in advance (ten years from finnishing undergrad) When it got to the part where we described our husband and kids, we were encoraged to marry whoever we wanted,including celebrity crushes, as we had to support our kids by ourselves anyway. My husband ended up being an alternate universe version of DavidTennant who was fifteen years younger, (so the age difference wasn't as [[{{Squick}} squicky]]) and was a scientist instead of an actor. After finding out that a friend of mine married a character from her favorite TV show, I spent the rest of the period daydreaming about what it would be like to marry [[Series/DoctorWho the Doctor]] * If infinite alternate realities exist, then there is a reality where [[Series/DoctorWho Doctor Who]] is real. And that show has already shown that travel between dimensions is possible. Which means that if the {{Whoniverse}} exists, it's completely possible for Cybermen to invade our dimension. And remember, [[{{NightmareFuel}} Count the Shadows]] ** And don't forget [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel not to blink...]] ** look behind you. (Damn you Moffat!) ** Are you me? *** Thanks for that, guys. I'm never sleeping again! O_O * As a young Pre-Troper, I believed I was the [[MarySue omnipotent

supporting character]] in a story I wrote. [[IGotBetter (I got better.)]] * This troper has semi-genuine fear of a robot apocalypse a la {{Terminator}}.. but that's because she attends a school with a prominent robotics program, in which many of the students have expressed their delight in creating robots that may one day kill us all. Adding insult to possible injury, it's a prominent university for research, and has good ties with other colleges quite capable of adding fuel to the fire, meaning that if anyone is going to get it done, it's going to be these students and their future colleagues. Seriously, if it ever happens, guys, this troper will know exactly who to blame. * I think I'm a daydream believer, because reading a few discussion threads in various fandoms has convinced me that [[TheBigBangTheory Sheldon Cooper]] is real and ''very'' active on the Internet. * [[Tropers/SukiSelfDestruct I]] believe that: ** I was indeed invited to Hogwarts. The owl drowned in the ocean on its way over ** I am a Chameleon Arched [[Series/DoctorWho Time Lord]]. Who may or may not be the Master. ** I opened a rift in time and space by dividing by zero on my calculator one day and that soon I'll see the TARDIS materialize outside my school so the Doctor can fix it... ** That when I write, I'm either drawing from another universe (and when I hit Writers' Block, it's because I've caught up in real time to the events of the universe) or that I'm creating a new universe from the story * This troper took part in a philosophy group last year. She was introduced to [[MindScrew the dream argument]]. Ever since then, a little part of her has been thinking that she is dreaming, and fictional worlds are simply glimpses into her REAL life. This is the first time she has mentioned this. Mostly because nobody here can take me to a psychiatric ward... [[ParanoiaFuel I hope...]] * I know most of my friends so well that I can hold lengthy conversations with them in my head during class. This leads to confusion when I tell them what I'm thinking in my head, then later say "Hey, remember when I told you about X?" much to their bemusement. * This troper's dad always sets off the metal detectors at airports. I am sort-of convinced that he is a {{Terminator}}. * I can give a little benefit of the doubt to some of these things. When it comes to having the soul of an animal or some such... consider that you leave observable, provable reality behind the moment you say soul, even though people who believe in those are not considered mad. Consider that many mainstream religions believe in reincarnation, and even some of the ones that dont dont prohibit the idea. I dont see how, if the real you is this invisible floaty thing that lit on your body when it became available and something of its past incarnations sticks around, it having once been in a non-human body and leaving something behind is *that much crazier* than what Im already having to just take on faith. ** And then, soulbonds. To a point. I dont believe SpiderMan is real - even if we go with the LiteraryAgentHypothesis, anyone who goes to

*this* site knows there are [[ExecutiveMeddling many]] [[RealLifeWritesThePlot outside]] [[CreatorBreakdown factors]] that result in the authors original vision and what finally makes it to screen or page differ. BUT... consider people with multiple personalities. (I wont go into details that will make who Im talking about obvious. Ill just say that I have more than one friend who is real enough for me to respect and care for, even if the DSM calls them a symptom of someone elses disease.) Its been demonstrated that each personality has a different brain wave pattern, and many of them will tell you that the popular perception of such - childhood sexual abuse = shattering = chunks of broken person each with a different job based around coping - isnt the only way it works. (Yes, Im getting at something!) Now... how many writers talk about their characters talking to them? Starting small, but the more you work with them, the more realistic, more automatic, the more able to deal with the reality around you? Could such a person become self-aware in its own right? Again, if you believe in anything like a soul, most of what makes *you* a real person is taken on faith. Most religions dont state outright that two cant be in one body. If you dont, the question becomes Is the human brain {{Badass}} enough to develop *another* of whatever makes you you? In other words, a functional person who seems as real as any of us to both themselves and an observer who didnt know, who started as ones idea of a character but grew (because the brain can do that and you dont know souls cant) into someone who remembers being Captain Kirk but realizes this world calls his world a movie, and can drive and play DDR and do taxes and everything a normal person can... it can happen and nothing says theyd have to be less real a person as you or me. But I put "soulbond" in quotes because I don't necessarily believe the most common idea of how it works (the soul of Peter Parker came from the MarvelUniverse and bonded with you). ** TL;DR: The gods dont say you definitely werent a spotted owl in your past life or couldnt possibly have *some* connection to them that causes what you perceive, whatever its nature may be. Its no weirder than things *many* of us believe in but cant demonstrate. And though multiple humans with multiple motivations made your favorite characters history, nothing we know makes it clear a soulbond of him cant be a real person. I have no solid reason not to accept that much, once given reason to really ponder it. * [[{{@/Tidal_Wave_17}} This troper]] swings between this and LongingForFictionLand. He also believes that TvTropes could be, if used right, a portal into a universe where every kind of media in the world, from novels to cartoons to television shows are all real and exist together. After all, life is just one big story, right? * This troper, when on vacation to the UK, saw a police box. Just one (from the bus, unfortunately). Since then, she's been on the lookout in case the Doctor happens to drop by. * [[{{Tropers/Ventisia}} This Troper]] may not be an actual Daydream Believer, but she is a therian (see the Otherkin part of the main page). She doesn't attribute it to multiple worlds or reincarnation; rather, it's psychological/an identity thing, rather akin to being transgendered.

* Tropers/{{Mort08}} wants to go to [[{{Film/HowToTrainYourDragon}} Berk.]] ''Really'' wants to. She ''knows'' there is a way. * This troper has caught himself seriously speculating if [[{{Touhou}} Gensokyo]] was real and that all we need to do is to pass through a dimension to get there. He has also caught himself speculating if he could go to Gensokyo as his personal afterlife. * There is a girl at this troper's school who is like this. I try to be nice to her, because it seems like everyone thinks she's crazy. Which probably isn't far off, but she really is a sweet person. * [[Tropers/{{ladygem}} I]] firmly believe the Doctor is real. And I will be his companion someday. So what if I'm American? So was Canton, and Captain Jack at least sounded American! * I fancy the thought of being reincarnated into my own fictional universe in my next life. Also, a couple of my characters have become imaginary friends. I'm convinced that they are real and separate from my consciousness. One is a wise counselor, who successfully helped me on more than a few occasions. * This troper's actually an otakukin hirself. If there's any others here from the worlds of Kenshin, Zelda, or HisDarkMaterials, I'd love to meet you! * This troper is a dragon otherkin, and the weirdest part is, she can actually feel wings! * To this Troper, there are Stargates currently in use, and SGC is just keeping it secret. Soon the public will find out about the Stargates and adopt them itno everyday life. The we will segue into the Firefly 'verse in the future! * This troper once encountered an ''{{Animorphs}}'' fansite seemingly occupied entirely by Daydream Believers. It was a long time ago, but this troper does recall one thread where a person claimed that they wanted to give themselves up to the [[TheVirus Yeerks]], and a number of people responded with heartfelt "don't do it!" posts. ** It's either the same one, or there's more of these, this Troper also remembered a few people who are convinced it was all real, and were seriously planning various anti-Yeerk devices and means to communicate with Andalites. * I'm not a straight example (though I was when I was younger, heh), but I've found that through meditation and concentration, I can create various sensations that allow me to experience things like flying, having wings, having a fifth arm, et cetera. (And before you ask, yes, there's some PowerPerversionPotential there. And that's all I've got to say about that.) * I'm very logical, not at all superstitious, and stick to my religious convictions. However, I always cringe a little when I hear a little kid say [[PeterPan they don't believe in fairies.]] A Tinker Bell-loving friend and me once beat up a third friend for saying that he didn't believe in fairies, because ''"You just killed a fairy!"'' * This troper spent the entire fifth grade believing that his mother was a Yeerk and that the events in the Animorphs series were actually unfolding. Feels good to finally admit that. ---Go back to DaydreamBeliever... everything that page describes is real in a parallel universe!

DaylightHorror * The scariest moment in this troper's life happened in broad daylight. He had just gotten his license and was driving down a country road late one afternoon. He thought it was a nice day for a drive and took his car out. Eventually, he saw a weird old lady riding her bike too close to the road (she was a strange local). This troper, being an inexperienced driver at the time, moved to the side as much as possible while stupidly looking out his passenger window to make sure the weird old lady was safe; he was supposed to checking the rearview mirror and keeping his eyes on the road better. He ended up going straight into a ten foot ditch and in his panic, slammed on the accelerator, ramping his car over a mound in the middle of said ditch, sending it into the air, barely missing a telephone pole. He hit the brakes and looked up, noticing that if his car had continued going forward, it would've hit an oil rig in the field. Oh, and the weird old lady kept riding her bike and didn't seem all that concerned to see if this troper was all right... or at least apologize for riding too close to the road. ---[[DaylightHorror My God... What's that lurking in the daylight?]]

DeadBabyComedy * I really dig 9/11 jokes. But i think it's mostly because i don't give a fuck. * I remember an instance this past 9/11 when someone posted a facebook status that was a text image of a plane flying towards two black rectangles. Another person came in and started deriding the poster for disrespect (I agreed with him, it was disrespectful). The poster basically said, "This is no worse than your dead-baby comedy!" And suddely the derider said, "That's hypothetical. Meanwhile, you're shitting on 3,000 graves." Even Evil Has Standards. * Whilst discussing our various origins from different countries, this troper's very Israeli and Jewish friend mentioned that she believes she comes from all of the countries in Europe, except maybe ''Germany''. This troper burst out laughing. She said something along the lines of "That's so darkly funny....I'm sorry.... that's just awful....I mean... you get it?....". This troper's friend responded "I got it". And this troper continued "You see why that's so sad... man, that's funny in a darkly ironic way...". This troper's friend then continued with "I might not be from ''Austria'', either". She was serious. [[HilarityEnsues Hilarity ensued.]] * When we play DungeonsAndDragons (4E), a common way of incapacitating an an opponent is to use the Wizard's utility power: Illusionary Wall (we use some creative rules interpretation to get a lot of use out of it). We joke about calling it "the quiet room". And then we talk about using Phantasmal Horror (we're too low level to actually use it in game), a spell that involves attacking the creature's psyche using its

nightmares, calling it "Uncle Billy", a generic name for a [[RapeAsComedy pedophillic relative]]. We often state how [[YouBastard we're horrible people]]. * This troper's usage of literal dead baby jokes (more accurately, the euphenism "punch a baby" for expressing frustration) is the primary reason his first girlfriend dumped him, funnily enough. Especially odd considering this girl spent her days giggling at /b/. Hm. ** Many of my friends make dead baby jokes such as "If we get this right, maybe I won't kill a baby," or "Peanut butter is baby toes." * This troper has started making them about ghosts and mummies in ''TheLegendOfZeldaTheMinishCap'', because of their...profoundly disturbing attacks. ("Look out, Link! Dead paedophile!") * This troper often makes quips about turning aborted fetuses into oatmeal...yet he still hates 911 jokes. * I ''really'' shouldn't have laughed at this line in the Main/LilWayne page, but... -->NearDeathExperience: Accidentally shot himself when he was twelve. * [[@/ARandomSerf This troper]] spent most of seminar last year finding ways to connect dead babies to the current discussion. -->'''Friend:''' All he did was make dead baby jokes. -->'''Me:''' I did not make dead baby jokes! [[NoExceptYes I made dead baby relevant points!]] * Lately, this troper can't seem to stop thinking about wildly inappropriate songs to [[TheFunInFuneral play at a funeral]]. The songs listed on the ClusterFBomb trope are some definite winners! * An classmate of this troper's spent a lunch period and the following class period stringing dead baby jokes together. Most of them didn't make sense, but the ones that did were awful. One went something like, "How many dead babies does it take to stop a car?" "As many as it takes to make a speed bump!" It was very disturbing. * As my humor primarily consists of this and pretending to be either a [[CloudcuckooLander CloudcuckooLander]] or [[AxCrazy Ax Crazy]] I make a lot of this sort of jokes. One that I keep coming back too is the following practical joke. Assume that I die over +40 years of natural causes and that mp3 player, GPS and battery technology have sufficiently miniaturized. In that case, I would swallow a mini GPS connected to an mini mp3 player just before I die. The GPS would activate the mp3 player when my body reaches my grave. For the moment I'm in favor of 'Join me in Death' of HIM (at volume [[UpToEleven UpToEleven]] off course) (suggestions for other songs are welcome). * I work in retail and become good friends with one of the guys who works in the men's apparel apartment; we just have a lot in common. Apparently, that includes humor, because one of the section manager, who was pregnant at the time, was being rather rude to him (well more so than usual; the workers have a very dysfunctional relationship with the current management staff...). He (only jokingly) confided in me that he wanted to "Punch her so hard in the stomach that she gave birth on the spot! Just punch the baby out of her!" [[LampshadeHanging I said that was the most awful thing he ever said to me, ever]] and laughed along with him for about two minutes straight. * This tropers umm ''friend'', pull a literal example when we were talking about what we would wear to a 'bad taste party'. while the

hostess had intended for a poor taste in ''[[OutdatedOutfit fashion]]'', said friend said it would be funny if she spatted red paint on her thighs, stuck a doll between her legs and go as a [[DudeNotFunny later term abortion]]. I admit that i found the idea funny as hell until [[ItGotWorse she went and actually did it.]] ** My God...I think I'm in love. * This troper was watching a documentary at school about polar bears, and the narrator said, in the most absurdly melodramatic voice ''ever'' "By the end of the year, over half of all of the cubs will perish." cue uncontrollable laughter from almost everyone in the room. * This troper has a friend who used to make dead baby jokes. It was rather annoying, because he had some strange (and seemingly arbitrary) means of determining what you could make jokes about. Dead babies, abortions, genocide, rape, murder, etc. were all fine. Jokes about 9/11, pedophillia and quasi-racist topics (only racist against black people, though) were, for some reason, horrendously wrong. He claimed EvenEvilHasStandards, but it came across more as hypocritical. * This troper had a friend in high school who was told she wouldn't live past forty. I couldn't help but think of jokes involving her having her mid life crisis. * This troper's favourite brand of humour. He has a friend who's that way too. Needless to say, conversations between us two tend to sound offensive. * This troper knew a girl in school, who was a mother of a kid, who regularily made that sort of jokes. * This troper makes these jokes all the time, thanks to my being sociopathic (I don't feel guilt), being the OnlySaneMan who points out the ridiculousness of so many CloudCuckooLander moments, and being a DeadpanSnarker. But, seriously, this is all subjective. I mean, I snicker when parents talk about how sad they are their kids did drugs, and want to save us all from the evils of drugs. Why? Basically, because I'm thinking to myself "Yeah, I'd be sad too if I learned my kid was stupid enough to willingly inject and eventually kill himself with what is basically poison.". Yes, yes, I'm evil, I'm going to hell[[hottip:*:Yeah, like ''that'' exists]], I know. But don't worry, [[NotSoDifferent I'll save you a seat!]] And a joke I made, before I go: -->What gets louder, as it gets smaller? -->[[spoiler:A kitten in a trash compactor!(Yes, I '''hate''' cats.)]] ** At least it wasn't a baby. *** [[ChildHater Too bad]] it wasn't a baby. * One of this Tropette's friends has an entire stand-up act where he goes out [[MonsterClown dressed as a clown]] and [[CrossesTheLineTwice tells horribly tasteless and offensive jokes involving anything from rape to torture to Aristocrat-Style stories]]. [[TheSameButMore The more offensive]], [[UpToEleven the better]]. Only people who get the over the top Gallows humor behind it think it's all that funny. * This troper loves this comedy, so much so I surprise myself. Like the time I drew a character running over orphans...who it made orphans of in the first place. It just came back to finish the job. * Posted by a friend of mine at a private forum, regarding the nuclear meltdowns in Japan:

-->Fortunately, we've helped the Japanese develop a tolerance for radiation. ** Let us not stop there -->Guy1 - My Japanese girlfriend dumped me. -->Guy2 - [[spoiler:Don't worry, there are plenty more in the sea.]] * This Troper's school was performing ByeByeBirdie, during a rehearsal, this exchange occurred: -->Girl playing Kim: It's too late for cookies, Miss Alvarez! -->Me: It's never too late for milk and cookies... unless, of course you have diabetes. ** There was also this reaction to a skit I was a part of for my theatre class. Said skit involved a main character getting hit by a train. -->Girl in class: I can't believe you left her to die. -->Me: It was actually a plot to kill her. -->Other student: Really? -->Me: No, it just sounds like something I would do.

DeaderThanDisco * At my local library, we have a stuffed BugsBunny toy and a number of kids don't recognize him and call him simply "a bunny." Likely due to shows such as ''LooneyTunes'' no longer airing regularly on major networks. * A friend once told me that when he worked as a lifeguard at a local pool around 2003 or 2004, he taught swimming lessons, and when he and the other lifeguards/swimming teachers tried to get the kids to stick out their arms with their kickboards, they would say, "Show me your {{Superman}}." The kids had no idea what this meant since the last major ''{{Superman}}'' film was made in 1987, probably over a decade before they were born, and they were still too young to have seen [[SupermanTheAnimatedSeries the animated series]] or the ''JusticeLeague'' cartoon.

DeadGuyJunior * Surely this can't be that uncommon. This Troper's mother was named after his grandmother (as was one of her sisters, actually.), this Troper has three brothers named after Grandparents, this Troper himself has got a middle name off of his father (Though he still lives). * This troper is a fifth-generation Katherine; there are three of us still alive as of this writing. Also, her father is a third and her sister is named for the other grandmother. (This troper suspects her family might not be all that creative when it comes to naming kids.) * This Troper shares her name with both her grandmothers (one was dead before she was born, the other's still alive) and one of her grandfathers (died before she was born too) had a very similar name to hers. * This Troper's family names children after ''both'' grandparents of the same gender - one as the first name, one as the middle name. It alternates between children as to whether the first name comes from

the maternal or paternal grandparents. * This Troper knew a boy named "Edward... the eighth". Yes, in his family, EVERYONE named their son Edward. He even had an heirloom with all the Edwards' dates of birth and death written on them. * This troper's middle name is that of her late grandmother. * According to This Troper's mother, it's a Jewish tradition. * Mercifully averted with this troper's husband, who was born three days after his maternal grandfather died. His mother shot down the suggestion by pointing out her father ''hated'' the name "Ferdinand," so why would she want to saddle her child with it? * This tropers father was named after his uncle, who had died very young shortly before his birth. Said troper is also named after his father, but the later is thankfully still very much alive. * Every female in this tropers family has the middle name Louise but nobody seems to remember who the first one was. * This troper was named after a favorite uncle of his father's who commited suicide via plugging himself in the head ([[QuestionableContent No, he didn't leave a note]], in case you were wondering), who was always refered to as Uncle. And now this troper's sister has had a daughter... so again 'Uncle Paul' has come into existance. No worries on history repeating, this troper isn't that type of person :D * A variant: [[Tropers/{{animenutcase}} This troper]] has the same ''middle'' name as her late sister. Strangely, I once had a classmate guess what it was before I even dropped a hint. [[supersecretspoiler:It's Marie, if you must know.]] ** Averted by my brother, who is named after our still-living father. * Nobody involved is dead, but this troper has his father's first initial and last name. Troper's brother has their grandfather's first initial and last name. The troper isn't sure about the other brother, but he's probably named for a more distant relative. * This Troper's paternal great-grandfather died about a month before she was born, and her grandmother suggested several feminine variations on his name for her. Dad had already promised to name his first son after his grandfather, though, so Troper was named by her mother instead. Flash forward to the birth of Troper's younger brother, and now, since our maternal grandfather was very sick (he died shortly after), Mom slipped him in as a middle name. I... should not be laughing at the Main/HarryPotter examples, should I? * @/SacredSturgeon's [[JerkAss older]] [[ItsAllAboutMe brother]] inherited his name from his grandfather. My dad inherited his name from his grandfather. His dad's dad inherited his name from his grandfather. His dad inherited his name from his grandfather. Those of you gifted in the art of pattern recognition can probably guess who his father was named after. Meanwhile I got my name from an uncle who probably also had it passed down to him from just a tad too many generations. I come from a depressingly uncreative family. * This Troper knows for a fact that she would BE this trope if she had not been born female. Her parents did inform her her name would have been her grandfather's. Considering it now, she rather prefers her girl name to her guy name. ** That would have been this Troper's case too; her little brother

ended up using the name instead. Had he been a girl, though, he would have been named after our grandmother. * In one of this troper's works in progress, two childhood friends who wind up [[HappilyMarried married]] in the [[DistantFinale epilogue]] name their daughter after a mutual (male) friend who died to protect the mother. It helps that the friend had a gender-neutral name (Hikaru). * This Troper's first name is that of a friend of her mother who died in a car accident in her youth. Her mother didn't want to tell the story till she was 22. This Troper has three more names of relatives but they were all alive during her naming. * This troper's name is the feminine version of her great-grandpa's name. We even share a birthday. * @/{{Kathadrion}}'s first name was her paternal grandmother's middle name. She was still alive when I was born, though. And I'm the fourth generation on my mother's side with the middle name Ingalill. Three of us are still alive. Oh, and my maternal grandmother named her cats after her maternal grandparents, and then my mother went and named her cats after ''her'' maternal grandparents, and I'm sorry, but that's a tradition I won't be following! * This troper's father was named after his older half brother who died in the holocaust as a baby (he has changed his name however as he preferred the hebrew version to the polish one). This troper's older brother's middle name was in honor of said father's father. This troper is undecided at the moment on whether or not he will name his own son, should he ever have one, after his own brother, a subject he thinks about often despite having no intentions of having children for at least several years. * Fairly common in this troper's family. And complicated, she now realizes. First off, for a couple generations every first son of the first son was named Harold, although her cousin broke it years ago, and her mother was named for her aunt, who died the day before she was born. She herself has her grandmother's name as her middle name, both her siblings middle names are the maiden names of our two grandmothers, her brother is named for their great-grandfather and her sister is named for their great aunt. * This troper possibly subverts this, in that her parents didn't know they were naming her after her great grandmother until her father nervously approached her grandmother about it (it's tradition in her family to be named after a dead relative) and was surprised that the nickname he'd been calling his grandma all his life wasn't her real name. ** She also knew a girl who had been named for both her grandmothers, by combining their names. * This troper's girlfriend is named after her mother's dead twin sister. Not in the usual way, mind, but in that ''her initials spell out the dead twin's name''. She has a ''stupid'' number of middle names. * My grandmother was named Kathleen because she looked very similar to her late older sister Katherine as a baby. Now Kathleen has traveled down the family (I'm one) so are we all Dead Guy Juniors? * This troper's (now deceased) grandfather's twin brother (who is also

deceased) shared the same name as me: William. Anyone who has read the "Just William" books will be able to work out why I want to change my name...[[spoiler: for the confused, the title character is called "William Brown". I know it is great when you are five, but when you are seventeen, it is really embarrasing. I just hope it was coincidence...]] * This troper's parents had an elderly friend who lived across the street from them in their first house. The old man, named Martin, died when I was about 3. Three years after that, my brother came along and was named first for our deceased neighbor, secondly for our dad. This troper also has a teddy bear, given to him by the elderly neighbor Martin. The bear's name is the same as my brother's. ~ferlessleedr * This troperette's middle name is Ruth, after her great-grandmother (her father's grandmother), although she was still alive when the troper was born. * When this troper and her twin sister were three years old and our mother was crying because her Aunt Mildred died, we named a teddy bear Aunt Mildred and gave it to her to make her feel better. Also, we were given slightly modified and feminized versions of our greatgrandfather's and grandfather's names. * According to this troper's [[ShroudedInMyth family lore]] his sister shares her first name with our mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, great-great-grandmother, great-great-great-grandmother, great-greatgreat-great-grandmother, and great-great-great-great-greatgrandmother. Curiously, it's always the youngest girl in each family that was given the name. * This Troper shares her middle name with her deceased Grandfather,making this a gender-bent example. Her male cousin also shares his first name with our Grandfather, but he (like Papa) goes by his middle name. * My mother was named after her great-great-grandmother. ---And that's the story of how you became known as DeadGuyJunior. ----

DeadpanSnarker %% %% Before you add, remember that this TroperTales page is, contrary to popular belief, NOT for Jerkass. %% Anyone who brags about being witty on the internet cares way too much about what other people think of them to be a true deadpan snarker. ---ATTENTION, {{TROPER}}S! This is a very important notice. Please read it before you add an entry to this page. Now, I know you all want to add that time you made everyone laugh at your school, or whatever. That's perfectly understandable. But, I urge you to reconsider. Please remember that, no matter how funny it is in context, almost anything that was funny or witty when spoken loses something when converted to text. That's why many of the examples on this page seem a tad

underwhelming. They were probably quite amusing in person(some of them, anyway), but that tone of voice, that perfect deadpan expression, that all-important ''context'' is not present here. So, if you've been reading these example and thinking "Well, that example was lame. It's nowhere near as funny as the time I *whatever*", then please realize that the only reason you think your example is funny is because you were there. Nobody else has that context, that body language, and so it comes off seeming rather flat. So, think before you edit. Thank you. * No shit? ** '''[[SeriousBusiness No shit.]]''' ** To be fair, it doesn't seem like many people are reading this disclaimer before they post. ** Damn, I was about to add a hilarious story about coprophilia. Oh well, guess I'll have to sate my fetish with the rest of the page. *** Erotophonophile, [[{{Tropers.EPIC}} over here.]] * It helps if you have a pencil or pen in your hand when you snark. Then you can flip it to be even more condescending. Just make sure you catch it. * This troper has always found the highest measure of snark ability to be how well one snarks at oneself. It makes the insults you throw at others so much better received (read: you don't like as much of a Jerkass) if you toss in a healthy does of SelfDeprecation every now and then, not to mention the practice that you get from it. * [[{{Tropers/HG131}} This troper]] is often like this, especially when watching everything. It's annoyed my family countless times when I won't stop snarking at the characters for whatever stupid thing they're doing or saying. ** Are you me? * {{This troper}} was going to post several arrogant paragraphs chronicling every vaguely sarcastic comment she had ever made and then come back later to read all the comments about what an unfunny loser she was, but instead decided to just quickly mention that her mother has banned her from opening her mouth while ''TheXFactor'' is on. * [[Tropers/{{NaomiLawliet}} This troper]] recalls an exchange between herself and her art teacher ---> Art Teacher: You drew that vase wrong! Where can you buy such an ugly vase??!! ---> (Switches to first person)Me: Crate and Barrel! * [[Tropers.ReikoKazama This troper]] can be pretty snarky at times. One example that had almost everyone present in hysterics ''twice'' was at a showing of [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Eclipse]]. During one exchange (I don't remember who it was between), there was a ''blatant'' DoubleEntendre, and so me being the snarker that I am, I go "[[ThatsWhatSheSaid Bow-chicka-]][[HehHehYouSaidX wow-wow!]]" The whole cinema just cracks up. The second time around was when [[spoiler: Victoria is killed]], and as soon as [[spoiler:her head hits the ground]], I go, "[[CaptainObvious Dead.]]" Again, the whole cinema cracks up as I say, "Bye-bye, bitch!". Then when [[spoiler:Edward [[KillItWithFire sets her on fire]] to finish her off]], I put on my best Dan Forden impression for a single word: "[[MortalKombat TOASTY!!]]"

** I can't even tell if this is a joke or not. But I really hope that it is. *** Ahh, you must be the rumored one fan of Literature/{{Twilight}} on [[ThisWiki this entire wiki]]. *** If no-one can tell, then why do I bother? * {{This troper}} isn't a very good one, but he still makes himself feel cool like his favorite {{anime}} character by posting on TVTropes about how much of a witty and highly regarded {{deadpan snarker}} he is, citing situations in which he made a {{cliche}} or vaguely sarcastic remark while remaining completely oblivious to the underwhelmed and unamused reactions of just about everyone that hears his comments. Actual conversation: ** '''Classmate''' (asking a teacher in class): "What's going to be on the test tomorrow?" ** '''Me''' (loudly and very deadpan from my seat in the back of class): "Words" ** '''Everyone in class''': *too stunned by wit to say anything* *** Do I detect a hint of sarcasm in that entry? * {{This troper}} had a {{deadpan snarker}} moment at lunch one day. We were eating when my friend Jeremiah said: ** Jeremiah: "You know I was thinking about something." ** Me: "That's a first." ** (Nearby kids laugh) ** Jeremiah: "Mr. Norman (history teacher) was talking about how the caveman culture was expanding, right? So they had to be having SEX!" ** Me (deadpan): Really? [[ScoobyDoo Jinkies, Scooby, you solved the mystery!]] * All the history teachers in [[ThisTroper this troper's]] school are {{Deadpan Snarker}}s to some degree. Especially when they repeat the other students' horrible grammar in a monotone voice in order to make them look like idiots. * NOTE: Someone went all over this page leaving Snarky comments. They just did it so much they crossed the line from DeadpanSnarker into JerkAss. ** Big surprise there. ** Yup, just saw the comments. I guess that particular {{troper}} didn't understand "snarker" and "asshole". Or, it was someone from one of the many small groups that don't like TVTropes for reasons unknown. *** I don't think anyone else on this page understands it either. ** Yes, how dare they be snarky on the DeadpanSnarker page. ** Snarking at snark? '''HOW CRUEL.''' ** Wow. {{Trolling}}. [[SarcasmMode That's SOOOOO original.]] ** In this case the difference between a snarker an and asshole is whether or not they're snarking on your examples *** PROTIP, people: There's a difference between being a DeadpanSnarker and a complete asshole. Last time I checked, being a sarcastic dick to random people for no reason is NOT Snarker behavior, but JerkAss behavior. For fuck's sake, [[GoodOmens learn, guys.]] * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] friend's dad was at a pawn shop when his dad asked the cashier if they sold furniture. His reply: [[JerkAss No. You might want to try a furniture store.]] * [[Tropers/CabbitGirlEmi This tropette]] knows someone on the

internet who is definitely this {{trope}}. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5WUSQzTp5A This video]] shows how much of a Snarker he can be (he's the big guy in the fedora). * {{This troper}} was rowing (Crew) with a 8-man boat. We were preparing to start our 2 kilometer piece when I, in bow seat (the most forward seat) realized that about twenty small one man boats (singles) belong to the B-team were in our way. --->'''Me:''' "Hey guys, we should warn the singles to get out of the way." --->'''My buddy Sam:''' "They'll figure it out." * {{This troper}} usually isn't a snarker, unless irritated. And even then, it mostly fails. Actual conversation: --> '''Alice:''' (Trying to convince people she's desirable, because of multiple boyfriends at once) "I'm really hot, hotter than you'll ever be! --> '''Me:''' (Complete deadpan) You're so hot, what little brains you actually have have been fried. Congrats. ** You're too hard on yourself. That was fucking awesome. * ThisTroper left his aunt in stitches from his incredible dry wit on his last visit. His snark varies by the mood he's in, but in general there's always a little snarkiness. * Most {{Troper}}s. ** All {{troper}}s. *** The {{trope}}s themselves. ** This is why SincerityMode came about. * {{This troper}} and a friend both played {{Deadpan Snarker}}s in a World of Darkness game once. It was probably the silliest World of Darkness game ever played. * Everyone WANTS to be a {{deadpan snarker}}. A real {{deadpan snarker}} tries desperately NOT to be one and fails. ** Exactly! {{This troper}} tries not to snark, as it causes him a great deal of problems. He usually manages to keep his snide remarks in an internal monologue, but sometimes it slips out. ** Same with @/{{Cosman246}}, who is criticized for being caustic and sarcastic. ** Same with {{this troper}}. Didn't realize it until very recently, and I am surprised I didn't realize it earlier. ** Same here, too. People don't want to go to movies with me anymore. ** Same here. None of my friends want to sit by me when we go to the cinema. ** Same with {{this troper}}. It doesn't help that when I actually am being snarky it sounds sincere and vice versa. ** {{This troper}} does his best at keeping his remarks at bay, since it's easier to handle moody (well, any, actually) people that way, but it's quite difficult to actually remember not to comment until it's too late. ** FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Goddammit, how can [[{{EPIC}} I]] be {{Shotacon}} [[CuteShotaroBoy bait]] when I speak my mind so much!? [[YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries Screw the tactness, I have wit!]] * It helps if you're making snarky comments about ''events and things'' instead of ''people''. If you can refrain from snarking about

others, then it really helps ''both'' your NiceGuy and DeadpanSnarker reputation. *** '''UPDATE''': [[CheerfulChild Cuteness]]-induced high-pitched childish voices brings down the concealment of sarcasmic volume. [[{{Tropers.EPIC}} This Troper]] ultimately subverted his snark. ** As @/SapphireFlame already explained, my snark level varies with my mood. Good mood = NiceGuy. Bad mood = DeadpanSnarker. *** I wasn't aware that people's style of conversation can occasionally vary with the mood they are in. Thank you for that brilliant psychological insight. *** Thank you @/SapphireFlame, I thought that I'm the only guy with split personality around here. Loonies of all countries, unite! Uh oh, I guess I am in the bad mood right now... ** I do say that most {{troper}}s (and people in {{real life}}) attempting to be this indulge heavily on the snark but forget to add the deadpan. ** Few months ago, I considered OP's remark as a fucking bullshit...but now that I'm trying to be an author, couldn't have been truer. * {{This troper}} will snark at just about anything on TV. ** [[MST3K Joel/Mike]]? Is that you? *** If it is, I want in on your MST group. [[SincerityMode No really. I want in.]] * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] family is composed ''entirely'' of {{deadpan snarker}}s, each and every one of us. The holidays are an absolute riot :D ** I'm sure they are. ** Same with [[ThisTroper this troper's]] (immediate) family. It's not Thanksgiving if one of the cousin-in-laws isn't trying not to laugh/cry at the same time. *** [[ThisTroper This troper's]] family is the opposite: she gets people shouting her down whenever she says something which could vaguely be construed as negative. ** When I actually try to be sarcastic, it kind of fails. I just recently realized that I don't need to try, I already am. * {{This troper}} is definitely the DeadpanSnarker among her friends, though her male best friend is also one. The two of us are not allowed to sit near anyone else at movies, due to our constant mockery of the {{film}} being shown. ** @/CoyoticEvil thought you were that female friend (wrongly), so you're not alone. ** [[ThisTroper This troper's]] favorite showing is the first matinee. Snark as loud as you want; there's no one else there. * {{This troper}} always gets designated the end seat when seeing a movie with friends because of this. Although the snarkiness is not limited to movies. ** Same. ** Your friends are doing it wrong. The Snarker is supposed to sit in the ''middle'', that all may hear and partake in her wit. Guess where {{this troper}} sits during movies?? *** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint The front row?]] * @/SeanTucker. I snark whenever I get a chance to.

** And thus you prove your lack of self control. *** I bet you know '''''ALL''''' about lack of self-control, don't you, dearie? * My brother, cousin, and I will often mock kids shows, like our own little MST3K. Also, I will say laughtrack after every bad joke my mother makes, which seems to be all of them. ** {{Overly long gag}}s will [[CrossesTheLineTwice cross the line]] [[UpToEleven thrice]]. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] boyfriend of several months will sometimes introduce himself like she wouldn't remember who he is when answering the phone. Sometimes it takes her a second to realize that he's joking... and that she does know him. She's not incredibly gullible; he's just that good. * {{This troper}} is no longer allowed to talk during Dorm meetings because she finds it's too easy to make anyone who says something stupid regret it. ** Funny. It seems like you don't regret it. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] mother calls her Doomsday. Her reaction on first hearing this? "Whoa... my snark level has risen to the point that '''''it can kill {{Superman}}'''''!" ** That just makes you a nerd. *** Oh, would you shut UP already?! *** That's a bad thing? I hadn't noticed... * {{This troper}} also turned into this after spending on enough time on this site, sadly his friends misinterpret it so often that "it's called sarcasm" is rapidly turning into his {{catchphrase}}. ** Clearly you're doing it right if you have to explain it. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] brother was playing Air Soft at a family friends house (in the middle of hick country) when a man on a tractor rode up to him and asked if the owner of the property knew he was there. My brother's response, sounding completely serious: "I would hope so, he's shooting at me." * @/SharmHedgehog is definitely a DeadpanSnarker. When a friend talked about how he wanted to marry someone in school, I promptly said, "Don't worry. When you're rejected and you come back crying, we'll take you to the nearest Waffle House." I also can't help but riff certain parts of movies he sees. Yes, I know I am a ThirdPersonPerson. Got something against that? (See? I made another snark! Ha!) * [[@/BooBooBob I]]'m a tech support schmoe. Do the math. I'm still waiting for an invention that will send small electrical shocks over the phone. ** That's BOFH not {{deadpan snarker}}. Nice try though. Goodbye. * @/{{Jonn}} speaks fairly normally unless angry and irritated, at which point he waxes downright {{Shakespeare}}an. This rather confuses his mother, who happens to be a former English teacher; she frequently has trouble telling whether he's serious or joking. About ''anything''. -->'''Jonn''': I tell you once, I tell you twice, I tell you once again... ** He's actually been trying to hold it in when dealing with a particular coworker who's a dick, because he figures fighting fire with fire just makes everything burn. It doesn't always work; one

recent exchange involved said coworker berated him condescendingly about not checking a minor fact that coworker had advised him about once or twice, over Jonn's protests that he ''was'' checking said fact. -->'''Jonn''': You will let nothing derail your dick train, will you? *** [[SincerityMode I really like the word "dick train". I think I'll use it more now.]] * {{This troper}} comes from an entire family of {{Deadpan Snarker}}s, as well as being one himself. It's especially interesting that the snark is all for different reasons, and in different styles. * {{This troper}} has the snark, but lacks the deadpan. He's an ''Animated Snarker.'' ** I'm another Animated Snarker, at least in person. Online, since there's very little intonation in text, I come across as more deadpan. ** My level of animation varies depending on my mood and energy. When I'm in a good mood I'm a completely DeadpanSnarker; when I'm tired I become an UncontrollablySneeringSnarker. At four in the morning I'll just start coming out with complete non sequiturs in a bitingly sarcastic tone, for no apparent reason. * {{This troper}} is the resident [[BrutalHonesty brutally honest]], animated snarker of most social environments, to the point that people are thanking him for his comments brightening their day (though he's often only deadpan when tired/depressed). It's so ingrained and noticeable that when once at a large (8-9 people) dinner gathering of friends and friends of friends, {{this troper}} was accidentally seated beside the OTHER {{deadpan snarker}} of this larger social network. The two of us were stepping over each other's opportunities to snark, leading to us canceling each other's humor out. It was agreed to always sit at opposite ends of seating arrangements from then on. ** Have you seen the MagnificentBastard TroperTales page recently? I suspect that you and the people who post themselves on there would get on brilliantly. * {{This troper}} has that position in her own family and group of friends, but is easily out-snarked by her boyfriend or any given member of his family. ** This is because your family is clearly a pack of deranged baboons. *** What a way with words you have. *** You're not exactly on the highest rungs of the evolutionary ladder, are you, dearie? *** She's well above you. *** You're all stupid tbh * Me and my friends snark on many occasions. I often like do a bit of MST3K when watching any movie as well. * [[{{Hinoa}} I]], being yet another DeadpanSnarker {{Troper}}, am beginning to wonder if there are any {{troper}}s that ''aren't'' {{deadpan snarker}}s. (On another note, snark runs in my family. On both sides.) ** Claiming to be a {{deadpan snarker}} {{troper}} makes you automatically good at it, doesn't it? * Oddly enough, being a highly-pessimistic loner doesn't make your a sarcasm machine. I mean that sincerely. However, there was a classmate

who went from Token Emo, to {{Jerkass}}, to DeadpanSnarker. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] friend is part this and part {{Tsundere}}. ** You're THAT desperate for friends? *** Has the above {{troper}} ever heard of psychological projection? They might find it quite interesting. * {{This troper}} is. [[HouseMD He also has a bad right leg, so that he needs a cane to walk, and also wants to be a doctor]](seriously). He also frequently gets in arguments with anti-evolutionists, antiabortionists, and similar people. He often "loses", but that's because the people he happens to argue with aren't very good at it, and so end up telling him to shut up, usually right after he's proven them wrong. Case in point? -->Alice: I hate the Golden Compass. It's about killing {{God}}! -->{{This troper}}: Well, it's just a stupid book. Then again, so is {{the Bible}}. -->'''OR''' -->Alice: Wicca are older than Christianity! -->{{This troper}}: No, it was made up by some old guy in the fifties. (For the record, it was. I do my fucking research, just like "Alice" claims she did.) ** Now, see, you've got it wrong. You ''aren't'' an example of a DeadpanSnarker. You're smack dab in [[JerkAss Jerk Ass City]]. You're ''going out of your way'' to make mean remarks that's not the least bit sarcastic (and throwing a TakeThat at someone's religious beliefs isn't the same as arguing with anti-evolutionists or antiabortionists, anyway). Take heart, though! Being a JerkAss gives ''real'' [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarkers]] a chance to show you how it's done, like the guys at Something Awful who quoted your first example and commented with this: ''"Oh, my. If I'd been 'Alice' I just would've withered up and died after facing such a display of genius."'' ** Implying that those goons aren't [[Jerkass Jerkasses]] themselves. *** Technically the roots of Wicca are already over 100 years old, though still a far cry from the claims. And yeah, {{this troper}} has a lot in common with the one above. Pretty much every time he encounters a person massively sure of themselves he'll proceed to poke holes in their beliefs, no matter how much he may agree with them himself, or what those beliefs might actually be. It's my life's philosophy to be uncertain about everything - nothing should be taken for an absolute fact. * {{This troper}} and his family are all {{deadpan snarker}}s to some extent. ** Unique and descriptive example, valuable addition to page 5/5 *** Snarking about snark. [[HypocriticalHumour How amazingly original.]] * {{This troper}} carries on a proud family tradition. Get him and his parents watching a {{film}} (or for that matter a football match or even the ''news'') and you'll see. ** Alright, where do ya live? * {{This troper}} waffles between deadpan snark and "LOLRANDOM" humor, as it suits his mood. His friends often agitate him specifically to

draw out twenty minutes of snark for entertainment, especially on road trips. ** That's not {{deadpan snarker}}. That's {{cloudcuckoolander}}. * @/{{Dark}}'s [[BuffySpeak snarkitude]] varies depending on which group of friends/family he's with. Most of his college friends are sarcastic as well, so he tends to fit in. Among his friends who go to another college, he's the obvious snarker of the group. Among his high school friends (the ones still IN high school), he's the unchallenged king of DeadpanSnarker. His family, however (including his dad and brother), are better than he is at snarkerism, so he tends to have it toned down when around relatives, mostly due to snark overload. Be that as it may, he still makes the funniest and most pointed comments when watching movies. * @/JillBug seems to be an unwitting example: people complain about her being sarcastic even when she wasn't trying to be. Her sister is a deliberate DeadpanSnarker (and an excellent one at that); together they have driven their mother to distraction many times over the years. * Subverted with [[ThisTroper this troper's]] friend. At first glance, you might think she's a DeadpanSnarker. But then it turns out she's just a (self-admitted) *** . * Hi there Ladies and Gentlemen! ''Welcome'' to my week. * @/{{Mac}} has been banned from answering the phones and using the PA system at work for this exact reason. * Huh? [[@/{{Specialist290}} Me]], a DeadpanSnarker? Surely you jest... * {{This troper}} was watching a presentation in English class in high school and went "Do you want some ham on your wry?" in a low voice, only to realize afterwards when half the class looked like they were going to laugh and the other half wanted to strangle said {{troper}} that he realized that said that during a sudden pause in said presentation. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] snarkiness is reaching Max levels. It doesn't help his family and friends are all snarkers. Combine, with his discovering TVTropes and you now have a certified Weapon Of Mass Snark. * I'm so *** funny, aren't I? * {{This troper}} seems to be growing in her snarkitude. She thinks her King of Deadpan Snark chemistry teacher is to blame. * {{This troper}} is an optimist at heart, but loves playing the DeadpanSnarker because it is so fun. Being an everyday contributor and reader of [[TVTropes tvtropes.org]] doesn't help things either. ** Finally! Someone who admits that they're only putting on a mask! *** [[OrIsIt Or they're just being sarcastic.]] * @/{{Emz}} is definitely the {{deadpan snarker}} in her group of friends. It's gotten to the point where when they say something stupid, they just look at her and say "Not. A. Word." Her entire family is the same way, though they each have their own...unique flavor. Oh, and her English teacher calls her {{Daria}} sometimes. * I'm a cynical {{deadpan snarker}} but I try to cut back around my family etc. Here's the unnecessary quote: -->Friend: Seriously, it was a brilliant {{film}}.

-->Me: 'Brilliant'... ''shit''... It's a thin line. * @/{{gorgardard}}'s little brother is the type of DeadpanSnarker who doesn't actually make sincere statements anymore - some of us believe he is actually incapable of genuine sincerity. ** A {{deadpan snarker}} is perfectly sincere, except when he's not. * {{This troper}} likes to engage in the quieter or sillier kinds of snarkery. ** Then it's not deadpan. *** Care to point us to the 'Undeadpan Snarker' page? *** Zombie snarker? Now I'm really scared. * {{This troper}} combines the DeadpanSnarker with the Cloudcukoolander in an incredibly dangerous and hysterical way. A personal favorite is whenever someone says "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me," just hit them with a dictionary. Did this in American Lit class, wound up one of the most popular kids in the class for the rest of the year. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] French teacher is one of these. Given that she's teaching a class of blabbermouths, this side of her tends to show up a lot. * @/{{Gerusz}}'s "Snark mode" switch is stuck at ON. And turned UpToEleven. When he is [=IMing=] with his friends, he has to explicitly declare when he is ''not'' sarcastic. It doesn't help that his other specialty is DeadBabyComedy. Since his first name is (equivalent to) Gregory, it's quite obvious [[{{House}} how his friends sometimes call him.]] Luckily, his friends tolerate it well. ** Ah, my evil twin surfaces at last. * I make a fair few deadpan comments, often without care of the seriousness or context of a discussion. When a friend saved me from falling off a cliff, my response "Well, the was a bit sh*t." I did however thank him later. * Two thirds of [[ThisTroper this troper's]] history class. {{God}}, I love that class. * [[ThisTroper This Troper's]] snarking mechanism works at full capacity when she is exchanging quips with her [[VitriolicBestBuds best friend]], who plays this trope straight all the time. * Half of [[ThisTroper this Tropette's]] class was watching a prerecorded news cast on fast forward, all snarking and whining about the anchorpeople. It was... Surreal, to say the least. * {{This troper}} is snarky to the point of being yelled at by my mum a lot, not that I care. * When @/SapphireFlame is in a bad mood, he becomes this without meaning to. In fact, this is my favorite character type since they get to say the things that I would like to be able to say but would get in trouble for saying so. * {{This troper}} has recently been taken up being a DeadpanSnarker. Not very good at it yet, but practice makes perfect. ** No amount of practice could make up for that optimism. * [[@/TrickyPacifist This editor]] has been acknowledged (or perhaps called out) on their power of snark on multiple occasions. The editor's crowning moment of snark (so far) came during their first semester of college. The Board of Trustees were meeting in a few days to decide basically whether they were going to close the college or

not. Naturally, the campus community was very concerned about this, and many of us were putting a lot of energy into efforts to keep the college open. At one meeting of the community this editor's psychology professors gave a short speech, saying basically that while we (the students) were doing good work trying to save the community, we shouldn't let that totally consume us; that we should save some time and energy for the other things we needed to do to take care of ourselves and continue our lives and--at around this point, this editor called out "Don't worry, we'll come to class." * @/JethroQWalrustitty's English teacher. Favourite topics include complaining about the univerrsity, complaining about Finland, complaining about students, complaining about America, complaining about the French, conspiracy theories. Also, TT personally thinks that calling oneself a DeadpanSnarker would be awfually narcisistic, and 'titles' such as this should only be awarded by other people in social interaction, which, undoubtedly, many here don't have much of. ** It's only narcissistic if you subscribe to the opinion that it is necessarily a good thing to be. Otherwise, if you are a person who is prone to being both [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin deadpan and snarky]], it's just descriptive. * @/{{Gecko}}'s geometry teacher, normally just to two or three particular students, but any member of the class is a possible target. It's rather amusing, though. * {{This troper}} is actually considering having cards printed reading "ThisTroper. Card-Carrying DeadpanSnarker". ** If you have to tell people... ** [[DontExplaintheJoke You must really suck at it if you need to tell people.]] * {{This troper}} is a bit of a Tsundere, alternating between CloudCuckooLander and DeadpanSnarker. In both cases he enjoys racist humor a little more than normal, and retains qualities of both in either mode. ** Because racist humour is {{deadpan snarker}}y rather than, say, racist humour. ** Bragging about something automatically makes it true. * I wouldn't really consider myself a DeadpanSnarker, just someone who sometimes have those moments. Such as the time when my Pre-Calc teacher handed back our tests and asked if I had any complaints, I replied, "Well, if you really want me to. My feet hurt, I'm tired, it's cold outside, I have an essay to write..." * {{This troper}} used to think that he was only sarcastic when the situation called for it. When he (jokingly, as he is an atheist) decided to give up sarcasm for lent, he was met with shock and disbelief. * Normally, {{this troper}} is very kind, idealistic/optimistic, and polite (so much so that people find it strange). However, she has an inner DeadpanSnarker side that comes out when she's annoyed or around others with a similar sense of humor and is, apparently, funnier than her normal sense of humor. In an interesting inversion of certain aspects of the {{trope}}, she only really lets this part of her show to people she's comfortable with. * From the {{troper}} responsible for adding snarky comments after

many people's declaration of snark: I feel like this has been a dethroning moment of mediocracy. I feel like the skinniest guy in fatcamp. ** That's supposed to be a good thing. *** When you're the skinniest guy in fatcamp you're still in fatcamp. Hence mediocrity. ** You shouldn't even be in Fat Camp. You want Obsessive Compulsive Disorder camp. Next exit. * {{This troper}} usually keeps his snarking to himself. Unfortunately, when annoyed or aggravated he loses self-control and goes into snarkiness overdrive. I have gotten into a lot of trouble this way. * {{This troper}}, strangely, acts like more of a DeadpanSnarker around friends than strangers. * {{This troper}} is a full blown {{deadpan snarker}} when it comes to just people in general. Between seeing the stupid decisions made by family, people's behavior in public, and how gaming "fans" act, my motto is "people are idiots and lack common sense and logic until proven otherwise". ** Yeah, because stating the obvious certainly qualifies. *** Actually, I think most people think that stating the obvious DOESN'T qualify...oh wait! I get it! By saying it DOES qualify, you're actually implying that it DOESN'T! You communicated a message that is the opposite of your literal statement! Why hasn't anybody else ever thought to do this? You are clearly some sort of wizard of wit, you MUST share your secret with the world! **** That was too long. * [[@/InsanityInside My]] mother is one. And she keeps telling me I need to stop being so damn sarcastic all the time because I might offend someone. My usual reply is that it is not politically incorrect to make fun of the stupid, since they are not a minority. * {{This troper}} tries to be cheerful and happy like his other classmates and is in fact quite convinced that RousseauWasRight. But when he argues his case he snarks at Rousseau for saying the world sucks (like he has any reason to, the rich bastard) it kinda lapses into snarking. High expectations on life that are rarely fulfilled (a positive streak once more, twisted to the Snark) combined with fondness for sarcasm does not help the case. * {{This troper}} is not one, but knows one in her school. He's also TheHyena and TheScrappy. Hmm. * {{This troper}} is most definitely a {{deadpan snarker}}. However, in a slight subversion, she is normally optimistic and cheerful, which makes it even more of a shock when someone says something to her and she shoots back cynical, sarcastic comments. The optimism is a failed act, really. * {{This troper}} seems to find fault with everything and everyone, constantly pointing out faults in his own mother. Not like I care though. People will get my respect when they earn it. I've also been asked whether or not I think about what I say before speaking in the middle of a class. My response: "Yeah, if I actually care." ** I can't imagine why anybody wouldn't want [[JerkAss your]] respect. ** Especially when it's obviously just an idiot who thinks he's better

than anyone else, but is really just a mediocre hack. * {{This troper}} is one at social events. When I get called on it, I just point out that they should stop giving me the [[SnarkBait ammo]] if they don't want me snarking. * {{This troper}} does this as a [[SuzumiyaHaruhi internal running commentary]] at her [[SurroundedByIdiots job.]] Unfortunately, she has a tic where she begins mouthing her thoughts, leading to some {{Cloudcuckoolander}} moments. * {{This troper}} is a LittleMissSnarker subversion. Subverted, because she is actually at an age where sarcasm is just fine, while looking like she's too young to be sarcastic. * {{This troper}} is a DeadpanSnarker to most his classmates at school mainly because a lot of them are [[SurroundedByIdiots idiots]]. A girl once tried to point this out but failed by saying it was because I was evil. * {{This troper}} is so deadpan that I can say the most outrageous things and then have to explain that I'm kidding. There was the faked flip-out when the lab computer wouldn't logout and I thought I was being a real ham. The teacher asked with concern if everything was all right. * {{This troper}} wasn't even aware she was a snarky until her friend said to her "You seem extra bitter today. Usually you're always making sarcastic comments about everything but today it seems like you actually mean them!" * @/ShadowPanther and his friends are snarky about just about everything. If it wasn't for the fact it was snark, you could easily brand us the most hate filled people in all of Christendom. ** Now that's something to tell the grandkids one day. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] mother used to be the Master of the art of Deadpan Snark, that it got difficult to tell wheter she was serious or sarcastic. She's gotten softer over the years, so much that my younger sister won't believe me when I tell her about the epic heights of snark my mother could go to. Although she does revert if we do something epically stupid. This might explain why I can drive the most [[DeadpanSnarker deadpan of snarkers]] insane; I've had training since I was young, as you can tell by the number of white hairs on my mother's head. I still love her though. ** Yeah, because anyone can see your mother's head from here. * {{This troper}} used to try and be the DeadpanSnarker, but people wouldn't get that she was using sarcasm and would give her weird looks and, for the times she snarked about leading a double life as a serial killer, sometimes start backing away. She would then have to explain that she was being sarcastic, often drawing the response "You didn't ''sound'' sarcastic..." These days, she is enough of a CloudCuckooLander that her friends are used to her completely false claims, snarky or not. Although when she is snarky now, it's not so much deadpan as enthusiastic and loud. * {{Eisenblume}} is not a pure {{deadpan snarker}}. He is very calm and likes to point out the stupidity in the plans and ideas brought to him and the unlikelyhood of plans succeeding. Then he goes ahead and does them anyway. Thus he calls himself an "optimistic realist" and everyone else calls him sarcastic. Which, you know, he kinda brought

upon himself. * {{This troper}} can't resist the opportunity to engage in deadpan snark, to the point where he's [[ChaoticStupid been fired]] for doing it to the boss. ** I know what you mean. My snarkiness got me killed once. * {{This troper}} is an odd mixture of [[TheQuietOne The Quiet One]] and a spewer of [[IncrediblyLamePun unfunny puns]] IRL, but in the internet or in her mind, she loves to snark a LOT. If she's snarking in the internet, most of the time she's snarking at [[TalkingToThemself her own posts]]. Sometimes she snarks out loud without knowing, or at least that's what others say to her. * At a dinner once, [[ThisTroper this troper's]] brother was describing a bike that his friend from college owned. The brother was describing the very low quality bike, noting poor steering and the fact that it was to small and too close to the ground. [[ThisTroper This troper's]] response was to ask if it had ribbons on the handlebars. {{This troper}} usually snarks like this quite a bit, with a varying degree of success. * Subverted by {{this troper}}. She is a snarker but not completely deadpan; about a quarter of the time when she snarks, she turns away or hides her face or just walks away with a ridiculous grin on her face from the satisfaction of making such a witty remark. However, [[ThisTroper this troper's]] friends have begun to attempt this, only to fail because they don't find the right words (to add the zing) fast enough. Plus the grins on their faces are blatantly visible. * {{This troper}} had his moments. A [[CrowningMomentOfFunny memorable]] one was in high school after a teacher complained about his classmate, who seemed more interested in [[TheCasanova picking up girls from each classroom]] than graduating. -->'''Teacher:''' ''... Sometimes I wonder why you even come here every morning.'' -->'''{{This troper}}:''' ''Probably 'cause he thought the whorehouse was too expensive...'' * Cue laughing all around* * {{This troper}} has been stuck playing TheCaretaker and TheDutifulSon to an increasingly sick and infirm mother and an autistic sister (and not the RainMan kind either, the completely nonfunctional and incoherent kind!). Along with [[VideoGame videogame]]s and general nerdiness, he's found that excessive snarkasm is probably one of the few effective defense mechanisms against total [[AxCrazy ax craziness]], or at least, just plain old craziness. ** So snarkiness is an unquestionable sign of sanity? Good to know. * @/{{INUH}} wrote all three of his essays on a standardized test in this style. He got the highest possible score. Apparently, people who have to read and grade variations on the same boring essay for hours on end appreciate humor. * {{This troper}} considers her Crowning Moment of Snark to be when her mother was complaining about not wanting to go to a funeral, to which she (the {{troper}}) responded 'Yes, they are dreary affairs.' With a completely straight face. ** Another one, on contemplating a dinner party involving her highranking HSBC employee of an uncle, and two merchant banker friends: "Well, won't that be a jolly mix of capitalism."

* @/{{Bulbaquil}} not only is a DeadpanSnarker himself, but so are many of the people he talks to on a regular basis. This often results in recursive snarkiness. ** No, that last statement wasn't redundant at all. Honest. * Both @/{{Wretchkin}}'s parents, which caused me, my brother and three sisters becoming this as we grew up. Most conversations consist of us trying to out-snark each other. * {{This troper}} is part [[CloudCuckoolander Cuckoo Lander]], Cynic, and likes to take {{Refuge in Audacity}}. Most of my ideas, jokes, or snarky replies to jokes tend to be done in such a deadpan tone (straight face included), everyone can't tell whether or not I'm being serious, considering the fact most if not all my friends have ever seen me in a constant serious mood. ** This also actually helps to add an "{{Oh crap}} he actually means it this time." effect when I actually am serious. Needless to say, I think people like the crazy personality more. * {{This troper}} is pretty much this when she's not being a CloudCuckooLander. In fact, she rarely speaks now in Spanish class since the teacher and students all signed a contract and one of the items was no sarcasm. Guess who no one in my family like to watch a movie with? [[ThisTroper TT]]. Guess which movie is [[ThisTroper TT's]] favorite? Rocky Horror. Guess who has to keep her mouth firmly shut when her little nine-year-old sister was telling her about her vampire-zombie story that somehow involved dragons and faries? Yeah. * I think I'm beginning to become one. [[{{Wangst}} Being ignored by my classmates may be helping that along.]] * @/{{Igordebraga}} often goes into this. And a classmate of his is even worse. Great exchange between us two: -->Me: When people talk to you they have to wear protection goggles so you don't spit poison in their faces? -->Him: You speak spitting saliva on people! Why can't I spit some poison? * ThisTroper knows a few people who try very hard to be {{Deadpan Snarker}}s, as that makes them feel as attractive and witty as [[HouseMD House, MD]]. Sadly, they all seem to be posting on this page now. * {{This troper}} is an unabashed DeadpanSnarker. He was well known for this in high school, to the point where a number of his quotes underwent MemeticMutation. Examples: -->Me: (A friend is watching a football game on his laptop during English class) Great essay. -->Me: (A friend makes a comment about always wearing condoms when he has sex) You don't need a condom to masturbate. -->Me: (Will was a conservative nutjob. He was out that day, and Lauren started saying conservative things in Political Science) Oh my {{God}}! Lauren's possessed by Will! * {{This troper}} did it so much that, by the end of the year, several of his friends, plus his girlfriend, were all starting to imitate him. New recruits for {{the Dark Side}}. * {{This troper}}, not like you'd believe him. * I doubt I'm a snarker, though I may be, but does this example count? I work as a cleaner at a movie theatre, and when there were no

customers, my manager told me to say thank you to the customers as they were leaving the theatre. I responded with, "Thank you for leaving a huge mess for us to clean up." Though not to a customer... * I am the type of person who has become so cynical that he has become religious and humanist because of it. I know that the world sucks and a lot of people are going to ridicule me for my beleifs and that, yes, the majority of humanity at any given time is not worth trying to help. But it's still worth trying to make someone's day better. So I try to make everyone's day better, usually through copious amounts of attempts at humor. On bad days when I don't give a damn about anything, I'm ussually a deadpan snarker. * One time, in music class, the teacher was out of the room. A bully started dissing me in every way possible, while I just sat there with a bored look on my face. When the bully stopped, I said "Are you finished?" He said "No, you * ^%&$!" and started again. I continued to sit there, reading a book. When he stopped, I said "Hello to you, too." Without looking up from the book. ** I think you're my hero. * {{This troper}} has his witty moments, though according to a friend he made over the summer (said friend lives in Florida) I can be funny one day and horrible the next. ** Same here for {{this troper}} with one guy I know not understanding what I'm doing and even recently commented on a Facebook status asking why I "must respond to any joke with hostile sarcasm". When the day before he commented that my sense of humour matches Chandler from Friends (specifically my sarcasm). * Like most {{troper}}s, {{this troper}} isn't usually funny or witty when she snarks at others in a deadpan manner. Or when she snarks at others in an animated manner. She just does it because she doesn't know how else to effectively express her frustration/mild amusement at what someone has said or done. Among her group of friends, it's just her thing. * [[@/{{valbinooo}} I]] am known as a source of dry sarcasm and snarkery among my friends. I try to keep most of it to myself, to avoid veering into what's probably considered JerkAss territory, but sometimes an opportunity is just too good to pass up. [[GratuitousFrench Par example]]: ** TheLibby(one of them):* looking at APUSH assignment related to William Lloyd Garrison's writing* So wait...did he REALLY WRITE THIS?[[hottip:!!!:this was a primary source document, so yes, he did write it]] ** Me: ...NO...he didn't write this...[in the DeadpanSnarker tone of voice] *** [[But then again, Libbies are AcceptableTargets at my school...]] * @/{{X2X}} is a NiceGuy by default. Unfortunately, if my buttons are pressed (or if I'm SurroundedByIdiots), I tend to jump to the other end of the spectrum, complete with {{facepalm}}ing and the repeated use of "[[CatchPhrase Sounds like a personal problem to me]]". My snarkiness and [[SarcasmMode sarcastic remarks]] aren't taken to JerkAss levels (there, it's borderline JerkWithAHeartOfGold), but it's really something that people around me should try to avoid setting off.

* @/{{ABadDriver}} often winds up in this territory if not turning into an outright {{Jerkass}}. Of course...this counts for the entirety of my family. * I found this to be [[GayOption one of the best examples]] of DeadpanSnarker on the whole wiki. --> "Apparently, the reason why Bioware did not put an M/M option into the relationship system is because there were, at the time, no gay men on the development team whom they could gather research! Luckily, one of the sound engineers happened to be a monogendered alien." * I'm honored to say that every {{troper}} on this page is a joke looking constantly for a punchline. ** And now you are one of them. Lucky you. *** ITT: irony * @/{{Fishsicles}} is a DeadpanSnarker of the finest kind. The fact that it is doubled with SpockSpeak and a JerkassFacade has led to near-legendary remarks at parties. * This {{trope}} fits me to a tee. Who hasn't been a DeadpanSnarker at least once in their lifetime? * My father handed down the DeadpanSnarker gene to me. For example, when walking into the living room while he was watching a football game: --> Me: Who's winning? --> Dad: The team with the most points. --> Me: Who's playing? --> Dad: Two football teams. -> And this exchange between my wife and I: --> My wife: What are you reading? --> Me: A book. --> My wife: What kind of book? --> Me: The kind with words. --> My wife: What's it about? --> Me (flips to the last page): It's about 400 pages. * Some years back, [[ThisTroper this troper's]] brother was working at a local Best Buy. One day, he was carrying a cardboard box containing a desk out to a customer's car. The box was very large, but not very thick. --> Customer: Will I have to put this [desk] together? --> My brother: No, sir, just add water. * My Math and English teachers are actually this, leading to rather fun classes. This led to a CrowningMomentofFunny in math class, where one of the students asked if he could go to the bathroom. Teacher says no, and the student assumed she was joking and left anyways. After another kid's comment, teacher realizes that the student thought she was joking, and then decided to play a prank on him by pretending to send him to the principal's office. Much lulz ensued. * {{This troper}} is a strange example--she often behaves like a DeadpanSnarker, but also tends to switch into GenkiGirl mode at any given moment. * [[@/LoveIsWeird This troperette]] has a habit of sardonically commenting on various things happening in her classroom or the world if she doesn't have a book to keep her busy. * I've gotten to the point where people frequently mistake actual

compliments I make as sarcasm. * {{This troper}} has been guilty of doing this for about all his life. I end up doing it a lot to my television. * {{This troper}} can't avoid it while talking to her (so-called) friends. Most of them admit her to be quite unpleasant when talking about soccer, politicians and t-shirts. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] Biology teacher fits this like a glove. Sometimes he would unleash consecutive sarcastic comments on us and then laugh a really weird laugh (hA. HA. Ha.). That way you could never tell if he was being serious or sarcastic. His favorite phrases are: "Dipdong!", "Riddle me this, batchildren", and more that are escaping {{this troper}} right now. He always speaks in a deadpan tone that seems to vary, greatly, in volume. * [[@/{{Damngoodcitygirl}} Myself]] and my brother both have this kind of sense of humor. Except we actually remember the deadpan part, so nobody ever knows when we're kidding. You'd think the exception would be when we talk to each other, right? You'd think so... * ThisTroper doesn't consider herself a {{deadpan snarker}}, but like others above, she has her moments. Most of the time, just to get a snicker out of somebody, or to point out (in the cases of text) how something someone has just said, could totally be taken in a different way. Example of this was last night, when a friend showed her a piece of music. A couple of minutes in, said friend complained at her about another friend showing [[ThisTroper this Troper's]] friend a picture of a Walrus that... well... she didn't wanna see. ThisTroper told her that it was TMI. Brief awkward silence, and then: -->'''Friend''': So, do you like it? -->'''{{Troper}}''': What, the Walrus or the music? * Who ''isn't'' a snarker? We should really just delete this page. ** I'm not. I'm just not quick-witted enough to be one. *** Good. ThisWiki [[SincerityMode really needs less snark for the sake of snark.]] * {{This troper}} can't help but imagine {{the protagonist}} in each ''{{Pokemon}}'' [[VideoGame game]] as a DeadpanSnarker with a generous dose of OnlySaneMan. * {{This troper}} is an odd case. He's usually a ShrinkingViolet, but takes a Level in Snark when angered. * ThisTroper knows several, the worst offender of this is called Louise. * Normally {{this troper}} ISN'T one. However that changes if someone goes all DeadpanSnarker when talking with me. The subject of said snark doesn't matter -- I reply in the same style and it quickly becomes an escalating competition of snark. Well, this, and the wish to riff movies I'm watching... but that's because of [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife TVTropes]] * Some people love this aspect of my personality, but most ''desperately'' want me to stop. * I thought I was safe from this. Turns out I was wrong... crud. * To quote my father after I made one comment or two, 'You're a smartass little bitch, ain't ya?' ....To explain what lead up to the that, he had looked outside at the heavy downpour and announced it was wet outside, and I responded with 'No, really?' followed by him

telling me to go get the bag of chips. I looked around, and asked what the crap he was talking about, to which he replied with 'They're up!' and pointing vaguely. After a couple minutes I finally [[FacePalm facepalmed]], glanced up and asked 'You want me to bring you the /ceiling/?'...I like to think I'm a {{deadpan snarker}}, but I'm definitely horrible at it. ^^; Also, people have learned to stop asking me where other people are, because my answer will always be 'I killed/ate them'. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] former Law and Social Studies teacher is a {{deadpan snarker}}. On student was talking about a drink being "all natural", @/McKillop's answer, "how about some arsenic, it's all natural." * [[ThisTroper This tropette's]] boyfriend. * @/BertieDastard and his father qualify as this; his friend loves going round, 'cause when BD and his father get snarking at each other, it lasts a long time, and devolves into a lot of snarking. * {{This troper}} has an excellent example. A joke with his friends used to be that whenever the teacher asked where someone was, the answer was, invariably, that they were dead. I carried this on to another school, and during French class, the teacher asked where one of the other students was. I responded, in perfect French, that they were dead. She apparently didn't understand the sarcasm, [[ItAmusedMe and the shocked look on her face made my week.]] * {{This troper}} can keep a friend laughing for 45 minutes by pointing out inane stuff and adding a good dose of dry wit. Because, you know, getting someone to burst out laughing while their mouth is filled with spaghetti for 45 minutes non-stop is safe. Just to point out one thing to all the above {{troper}}s: Saying someone's dead when you're asked where they are is incredibly lame (by [[ThisTroper this troper's]] standards). If you're a real DeadpanSnarker, come up with something else, and if all else fails, there's always RefugeInAudacity where you can create a story involving aliens, mutated cows, and a malfunctioning IronMan suit. ** I usually try to be polite about avoiding inanity, but if you ever tried to tell me that story I would have no choice but to straight up turn around and run. * Theatre people tend to be this, which is why {{this troper}} loves them so much. * I used to be a LittleMissSnarker when I was in 3rd-4th grade. Now, I've grown into a full fledged DeadpanSnarker. Actual conversation. --> Kid Who Sits In Front Of Me In Science: You're so ugly. --> Me: Ooh, I look like you? --> KWSIFOMIS: No. I'm hot. --> Me: (completely deadpan) Have you ever looked in a mirror? --> KWSIFOMIS: Have ''you''? --> Me: [[InsultBackfire Yes. Just this morning, actually.]] ** So using grade-school insults makes you a {{deadpan snarker}}. *** Grade-school? That pithy remark would have left me in despair 'til university time. * [[@/{{MiraShio}} Mira-chan]] often finds herself in a snarking competition with her teachers, just do drive the point home. * Me and my friends are all snarkers, though I'm the only deadpan one.

* @/TenderLumpling is locked-in to SarcasmMode. A mild example would be anyone else describing a food I find completely revolting: "''Scrumptious''." Or, for a better example: A few months ago, my brother said he could never take his shirt off around his daughter since he as a tattoo that says "BULLSHIT AIN'T NOTHIN'". When he asked how he was going to answer the inevitable "What's 'bullshit'?" question, I said, "Ninety-five percent of everything Daddy says." My brother actually thought it was hilarious; not surprising, though, since snark is [[InTheBlood my family's defining trait]]. * Yes, I am sure you are all {{Deadpan Snarker}}s. Just like all of you are {{Brilliant but Lazy}}. * I became like this in high school because my transfer school was full of douchebags, nearly every time I tried to make friends they'd turn me down so eventually I became the quiet kid who occasionally made snarky comments, I still have some traces of this today. * {{This troper}} is often this in regards to her [[LargeHam mother]], who usually either ignores her or just isn't listening. * {{This troper}} is a Silly-Grinning Snarker. She says things like "That makes complete sense" with a sweet smile when her friends speak nonsense, and uses "How lovely" to describe basically everything she hates. Unfortunately, her silly grin makes people think she's in SincerityMode when she's not. * {{This troper}} tends to point out anything negative, so at least some of those comments are ought to turn out snarky, but I wouldn't give myself the credit of being a real {{deadpan snarker}}. A far better example is my best friend. As me and the other girls from our class have put it after a long discussion, she really isn't doing it on purpose, somehow her brain can generate a sarcastic remark on anything much faster than it can decide whether it's a good idea to say it in the current situation. The fact that she's the best student in the school helps, she gets away with much more than a normal person would. Also, she never, ever changes her facial expression. {{This troper}} saw her falling down in PE and her ankle was twisted visibly, but she still looked so deadpan that the teacher couldn't tell at once that something was wrong, until the girl told her herself, in a rather {{jerkass}}-like way. Then she couldn't walk for a month. * {{This troper}} isn't a real snarker, just a person very prone of {{verbal tic}}s that change every once in a while. For a few months her style of talking involved a lot of sarcasm and sounding bored. As for the deadpan part, this troper didn't even notice until enough people pointed this out. {{This troper}} feels dumb right now, because she never actually noticed that her facial expression doesn't change according to her emotions like it does with all the other people. She's working on it right now, but keeps forgetting to smile, which sounds kind of creepy when written like this. * ThisTroper is a {{deadpan snarker}} so much so that no one ever really knows when he is joking or not (a stealth snarker one may say) one night, though drunk he did his best one yet that his mates actually understood; a mate was telling a story about how he had a run in with a cop some earlier time and along with it he was raising out his arms in the most animated of extremes when he said. -->Mate; "I have no idea why I'm moving around like this."

-->Me; "Trying to scare away bears, apparently." Que laughter from the rest of my friends. * Everyone in [[ThisTroper this troper's]] family has their moments, but honestly, she thinks that her dad easily takes the crown of snarkiness. He just has this ability to make almost anything he says entertaining, even when it's about very technical computer stuff. Any surprise that {{this troper}} aspires to be like him? (Then again, he's almost sixty. He's most likely had years of practice.) * [[Tropers/SgtFrog1 I've]] actually had short conversations made entirely of snark with a friend of mine. -->Me: ...so then my roommate moved out during the second semester, so I kinda let the room go to crap...trash and dust everywhere. -->Friend: Congratulations. -->Me: It was quite an achievement. My parents were so pleased with me. -->Friend: I bet they were. * [[Tropers/HiWayXingFrog This Troper]] is one ''par excellence'', only showing animation in the form of a smirk at the reaction of his victims. I actually scored a magnificent one on my own mother earlier in the week. -->Mom: Your sister's actually very athletic. But she's getting really girly and not wantin' to do nothin'. -->Me: So... you're saying laziness is a feminine trait. * [[{{Zarpaulus}} This troper]] gets it from his mother, [[sarcasm]] and often does it in online conversations.[/sarcasm] * {{This troper}} is quite the snarker, so much that he could fit right in ''PrideAndPrejudice''. While watching TheMovie, I said stuff like "they have five daughters... but only two have personalities". Needless to say, everybody wants me to help riff * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]] is a {{Deadpan Snarker}}...[[DefiedTrope NOT!!]] :) I'm quite [[NiceGuy amicable]], [[LoveFreak kind,]] and [[TheCutie cheerful]] and not afraid to admit it. Strangely enough, people say that he has his moments of snarkery. ^_^ ** [[SincerityMode I'm actually quite surprised to find you here.]] *** Yeah. :) Played straight, however, with his grandmother. * {{This troper}} is a {{deadpan snarker}}, for sure, but her friend, "M" is by far the greatest {{deadpan snarker}} she has ever known. Probably one of the wittiest people there are. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] recently been called out for being one of these. And she HATES it. It's driving everyone away. * My entire family at some point or another, but mostly my mother and myself are guilty of it. Of course, I'm guilty of it in {{jerkass}} proportions. * Tropers.Market43Fan, but moreso his sister. * {{This troper}} tries to control her snark and fails miserably at it. Once at her school, she snarked back so badly at the class JerkAss that a guy two rows to the side turned to look at her with a horrified face. * There's a {{jerkass}} at my school whose favorite hobby is bullying me and my friends. At least, it used to be. He stopped after losing many snark wars to me. And I probably got it from my dad, which

results in many arguments. There simply can't be two snarkers in the same home, it seems. * {{This troper}} and her dad have their moments, but her cousin even more so. He almost borders on SilentSnarker- some people may be surprised to find out that he actually knows how to talk. Most of what comes out of his mouth when he does is witty sarcasm. * No matter how many times I try to be this, I fail. However, I have mastered a way of belittling people's intelligence via this. Example: Friend: I'm alive! (This is after surviving a whole shooting phrase in 40k) Me: Great. Me too. * I'm sure the ability to pull out stock one-liners makes you all witty and smart people. ** Touch, friend. *** Yes. I bet they think they're regular Einsteins. ** Judging by your comments on this page, [[SarcasmMode my friend]], the definition of the word [[http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/irony irony]] needs to have a word with you. * What can I say? Over 18 years of loving {{deadpan snarker}}s such as [[That70sShow Eric Forman]], {{Batman}}, SpyroTheDragon, [[ToyStory Hamm]], [[SabrinaTheTeenageWitch Salem]], [[SouthPark Stan and Kyle]], and the like has affected [[Tropers.MexicanJuice my]] overall sense of humor. And the people who know me are well aware of the fact. Hell, even the people who don't know me very well. Just ask my dentist. * In one of my classes the teacher said about a time a dentist drilled into his sinus cavity and his head swelled up. Without missing a beat a woman across the room asked "when do you think the swelling will go down?". The teacher, being a pretty good snarker himself, countered with "the doctor said it's stuck this way". * [[@/RedWren This troper]] was this for quite a while in elementary and middle school. Sadly, she has found it fails when one's audience DoesNotUnderstandSarcasm or subtlety. On the other hand, she's in GATE and they were ''ten'', so this is permissible. She now perpetually worries people won't understand, and fits the whole [[IJustWantToBeNormal trying not to be a snarker]] thing mentioned above to a tee. What's worse is that she's been out of practice for so long that when she slips back into it, ''they suck''. This has been a rant by Red Wren. * I'm definetely one, and has been one for years. I remember my snarkiness starting in Year 1, when I asked a teacher something, she said 'Good question, Neil'. I replied, 'Yes, it was, wasn't it'. It basically secured my reputation as one of the funniest people in the year. ** I can't tell if you're trying to parody the other posts on this page not, which is a bad sign for you either way. * This tropers WHOLE. FAMILY. It gets annoying sometimes when I'm beaten at my own game... (WHEN I am) * What does Pastylover2 want for dinner. Food. * My brother loves this trope, and takes a rather obscene amount of pleasure from catching me when I say stupid things; to be fair, though, I'm usually asking for it. My favorite comes from last year, while I was watching him play one of the VideoGame/PaperMario games.

--> Troper: Don't you hate it when random lumps blink at you? --> ({{Beat}}) --> Brother: (AsideGlance) That can just ruin my whole day. * This troper's history teacher is the embodyment of this trope. -->student: What's "The Inquisition?" --> Ms. Vance: Well, 'the' is an article... -->student: Hey, Miss Vance, do you know what the Inquirer is? --> Ms. Vance: You, apparently. ** This teacher sounds awesome. * This troper's 15 year old younger brother exemplifies this trope. He is an outgoing, typical teenage boy, and yet his preferred type of humor comes in the form of sarcastic one-liners made with a straight face. Since both my mom and myself are fairly sarcastic people, it kind of runs in the family. Still, my brother takes it to the next level. Can be pretty annoying in real life, though. * This troper has actually made a teacher leave the classroom (likely to laugh) while invoking this trope. View: ** Teacher: So what is Shakespeare trying to say in this sonnet? ** hmhp: He's saying "don't sacrifice our love". ** Teacher: Actually, it's saying that the woman doesn't want his love. ** hmhp: Well there you go. What would you rather sacrifice, a nice soft lamb or some gnarly old goat with three legs, one horn, half an eye and bad halitosis? ** Teacher: (Pause. Throws down marker and storms out) I quit! * The following two conversations happened between this troper and a certain dumb blonde with a taste for expensive brand names hereby dubbed Vee: --> '''Vee:''' Oh [Troper], that's a pretty necklace you're wearing! Where'd you get it? --> '''Troper:''' (Not looking up from her reading) Walmart. ** It was the honest truth. The deadpan tone mostly came from the fact this troper wasn't entirely paying attention to the world. But somehow it made the whole table at lunch crack up. --> '''Vee:''' (Looks over to see Troper playing cards by herself) --> '''Troper:''' (Flat look) It's ''Solitaire''. ** Sadly, the above conversation happened at least once more after that. * [[{{Tropers/Luna87}} This troper]]. Full stop. In fact, the best way to describe myself in terms of my sarcasm is just imagine [[TheSimpsons the Comic Book Guy]] if he was lighter [[FatGirl (somewhat)]], black, and female. And given my [[GranolaGirl other]] [[SoapboxSadie traits]], my sarcasm occasionally has some level of preachiness attached to it: ("just think about how many hungry children could have been saved with the money we spent on this garbage"). However, at the risk of annoying people, I do hold my snarking back at times (when I was watching ThePrincessAndTheFrog with my mom and my niece, when we first saw the bad guy in his first, brief scene, I just kept my snark ["gee, I wonder if this is the villain"] to myself). * There's this very quiet Asian boy in my class. One day, some kids

were asking him wht his nationality was(Chinese) and then a girl butted in to the conversation. -->'''Girl:''' Wait, you're Asian?! -->'''Guy:'''(immediately) No, I'm black.\\ A lot of my friends are like this, actually. One of my favorite comebacks from my friend is this: -->'''TheLibby:''' Screw you! --> '''Friend:''' Sorry, I don't swing that way. * @/DJMarred is brilliant at the delicate, subtle, intricate art of snarkery. They were hanging out with some friends, and one of my friends had just thrashed another friend in Table Tennis: -->'''Friend:''' Ha ha! Take that, you South African! -->'''Me:''' I thought you married one. -->'''The others:''' Ooooooo! ** When we were hanging out again some other time: -->'''Friend:''' Sorry he couldn't turn up. He was off getting his wisdom teeth removed. -->'''Me:''' He must be foolish by now. And a third time: -->'''Friend:''' Tell me your secret. -->'''Me:''' I will... in a hundred years time. -->'''Friend:''' [[CompletelyMissingThePoint But I'll probably be dead by then.]] -->'''Me:''' That's the idea. -->'''Friend:''' [[MagnificentBastard You bastard.]] -->'''Me:''' [[SmugSnake I know.]] * This Troper thought she was good at this. Then she met her French professor, who is capable of saying absolutely anything with a straight face. His attempts to tell us about the culture of France often devolve into stunned silence followed by choked laughter. Highlights include telling us about the inferior quality of French cocaine, implying that if aliens wanted to conquer Earth they could just take away all of France's wine and bread and let the ensuing riot destroy us, and telling us that gay bars are more fun in the USA, all in a totally bored tone. He also taught us verbs with examples like 'I want a kilo of heroin is different from I wanted a kilo' and writing this up on the board. People who have no interest in the French language have transferred into the class purely to have fun... and it works. I've never been as close to decent at another language as I am now. ** That said, he considers my lesser level of stoic snarkiness endearing, and has introduced this (female) Troper at least once to strangers as his 'beautiful gay son', which is about as close to a compliment as Professor Bob is capable of giving. * [[Tropers/AdelePotter This Tropette]] is very good at WRITING deadpan snarkers (Anna, [[UnFortunateMe Delilah,]] Luna, Aurora, to name a few), but isn't that big of one herself. Unless you piss her off. * Wow, a "one time at school entry." That's original! Anyway, in English IV, my senior year, we read a poem about a portrait of a boy, or something, some man owned. It was a portrait of his late son, who passed on at a young age. After reading it, the teacher asked us,

"What did his son get to experience in life?" Without missing a beat, in chimes This Troper; "Puberty?" Cue annoyed teacher and a classroom in stitches. * I'm known to do this around my father. Given he is an AdultChild , this happens alot. (minor example) ** Me: Hey, dad, you not going to work today? ** Dad: Yeah, I got the week off. So we can stay home and play checkers all day! :D ** Me: Sounds like hours of fun. * I am this to a HUGE degree. And for some reason most of the teachers at my new school are entertain-able so I get away with a lot. It comes so naturally that I often can't even remember specific occasions. But I think my best was the time I answered a question with the phrase "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much..." and it fit the question enough that everyone laughed. The sad part is I forget the lead-in line, making me wonder what the hell the teacher asked. * Just about everyone in {{this troper's family SoullessWarlock}}, but I am one to almost JerkAss degree. * I have my moments. ** Girl: Shut up. You are just a fat idiot. ** Me: At least my voice doesn't kill kittens. ** Me: (a really fat girl jumps up and down like a little girl) Earthquake alert! *** Yeah, the earthquake thing just makes you a bitch. **** Indeed it was, but for chrissake, she's a hundred fourty pounds {{Gonk}} who thinks she's the cutest and funniest thing ever. Can't help it. * Me. Here's an example from my Maths class about a week ago: -->''Friend'': [[DickAndDomInDaBungalow BOOGIES!!]] -->''Me'': This is the year 2010, not 2003, thefore Dick and Dom isn't funny anymore. ...and he's 14, not that you'd realize. * This troper cannot go a day without being snarky. Also, I'm Vietnamese but very tan, so people always seem to think I'm Filipino. My usual response to people finding out I'm Viet: --> Person: Wait, you're Vietnamese?! --> Me: No, I'm black. * [[{{neoYTPism}} This troper]] notices that there seem to tend to be some among professors at university. In high school I had some slightly snarky teachers, but their snarkiness was nothing compared to that of some of my professors. (I was surprised by that, because I expected people at a higher level of education to be more professional, which I expected would translate into a LOWER level of sarcasm.) Even among those professors, though, one stands out for snark; my first-semester English professor. -->'''Prof''': So basically, [[TitusAndronicus Tamora]] is actively encouraging her sons to [[RapeAsDrama have their way with]] Lavinia. [[SarcasmMode My, what a wonderful mother she is.]] * This troper is the resident snarker of his class, often switching between TheQuietOne and SarcasmMode, while retaining a soft, low, and deadpan voice. I am also GenreSavvy Ever since discovering [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage this place]]

back in 2007, I've always been one. Well, mostly in secret. But when they find out, my response will be: --> Classmate: I didn't expect that! --> Me: [[SarcasmMode Yeah, 'cause that was SO not obvious.]] * I'm is well known for it at my school. When asked to define sarcasm one kid just pointed to me and said "90% of what comes out of that guy's mouth." The teacher just paused then said "Well I really can't argue with that." * This troper became a deadpan snarker at a very early age because of the influence of her sister. Unfortunately, she lost the charm by the time she became old enough for people to understand that she was being sarcastic and not in sincernity mode. * While I am normally this, I had a rather good moment today. Some kids in Grade 9 (the youngest age in our high school) were pounding their fists on a vending machine because their Skittles weren't coming out (that they probably didn't even pay for, mind you). After several people told them to stop, I said "pounding on the machine won't help you" in a not kind, but not condescending tone. Then they started to act tough (for no apparent reason) and said "Oh yeah? What do you know?" My response: "Okay then, you just stand there all day, pounding on the vending machine, looking like colossal dumbasses and pissing off all the seniors who could probably throw you out of the building with no effort, not to mention all the teachers who like to keep the school quiet this time of year (as it was during exams). I won't stop you." They immediately left. * This is what this troper is. An example of my snarkiness is when my mom got a call from my aunt a few days ago asking for a cure for hiccups. -->'''Troper's Mom:'''(Troper's name), your aunt wants to know if you have a cure for the hiccups. -->'''Troper:''' Just shut your mouth and the hiccups will go away. I tried it once and it works. * This troper comes from "Snark Stock," which is to say, his entire family is a gigantic bunch of snide bastards, and he's about the biggest culprit of all. Some fun exchanges between family members and I: -->'''Uncle:''' Tell your dad I'll be bringing the high pressure washer over later. -->'''Chris:''' What's that for? -->'''Uncle:''' ...For washing things at ''high pressure?'' And of course, between my father and I when I was working at his family practice in place of a secretary that had called off: -->'''Dad:''' ''*walks a patient out*'' Wow, Chris, you're sorta useful! -->'''Other Secretary:''' Doctor, here are your charts for the evening. *points to a stack of at least fifteen charts, meaning fifteen patients* -->'''Chris:''' Hey, you're sorta useful too, Dad! * Wow, now I see that everyone on TV Tropes has a dry, sarcastic wit based solely on stories about how they burned their friend this one time with absolutely no context. ** You have made me smile.

* My friend regularly asks if there is something on her face after lunch. I get annoyed by this. -->'''Friend:''' Is therer something on my face? -->'''Me (in perfect deadpan):''' Yes. It is what we call "skin". (nods disapprovingly) * This troper remembers a snarky moment from a family party. -->'''Cousin (on phone with her friend):''' What's your emergency?! -->'''Me (pretending to be her friend):''' I think I broke a nail. * While I can be this at times, a guy I work with fits this trope in spades. He's ''especially'' snarky on anything that has to do with Windows (he's a Linux guy) and anything ''not'' the Green Bay Packers (on a related note, [[BerserkButton never say anything bad about the Green Bay Packers around this guy]]). * Kyle, a friend of mine, is a humorous version of one which happens to gain his EnsembleDarkhorse status. Probably the most hilarious example is this: -->'''Best Friend (to Kyle):''' Did you know we have lunch after this period? -->'''Kyle (reading a book):''' (with a serious expression that quickly changes into a mockingly cheerful expression) [[SarcasmMode Oh really!?!?!]]. (changes back to serious expression while glaring at my best friend). * [[{{Tropers/Bannermanonemillion}} This troper]], full stop. Won't waste space with examples, but if you get to know me, it'll be evident. * me. * One of this troper's classmates. No one likes him except another boy, and even that boy can't stand him sometimes. To make it worse he often snarks in English, which many of my other classmates don't understand, at least not enough to understand what he means. * This Troper managed to pull this off in school today. -->'''Guest Speaker:''' She has a soul, doesn't she? What about her soul? -->'''Me:''' I don't have one. I'm a ginger. * Yeah...this page sound more like {{Jerk Ass}} then {{Deadpan Snarker}}. * This Troper managed one a few days ago. -->'''Friend says something about Zeus and how he was flawed and stuff and how humans were modeled after him(I don't remember it exactly) -->'''Me:''' That would explain a lot. * This happens with me sometimes, but half the time somebody talks before I can get my response out. But I CAN get in some gems. --> Kid: What about them ninjas? Them ninjas is cool, look at that old lady ninja! --> Me: *clearly watching Fullmetal Alchemist* What kind of idiot ARE you? * This Troper believes sarcasm to be the default mode of communication for her generation (i.e. The 90s kids). She was very much one, constantly sparring with her sharpest-of-tongue high school BFF, but has mellowed out since university (or so she hopes). * This troper's girlfriend once did something clever, and afterwards said "I'm using my smarts!" I replied "BOTH of them?!"

* This troper is around 75% Deadpan Snarker and 25% Jerk with a Heart of Gold. I tend to make off-handed comments clearly intened to be snarky, but get taken for face-value. Such as this charm. --> Club Supervisor: *Talking about a male-dominated job sector, and how there will be a presentation for girls wanting to get into this profession (Video Game Designer)* --> Me (Deadpan): So its some sort of [[{{BuffySpeak}} chick enpowerment thing?]] * This Troper is more or less a {{Silent Bob}} most of the time, but whenever I do talk, I tend to intiate full-on Snark mode. * [[{{@/Anomaly188}} This Troper]] is an Aspie and thus Deadpan Snarker is my hardwired default setting. I snark off whenever an opportunity presents itself no matter the situation or setting. One example was during a college level English Comp class. The lady professor refreshed us on the FANBOYS acronym, otherwise known as the conjunctions. Near the end of class she gave me a window that I couldn't pass up: --> Professor: What are FANBOYS used for? --> Me: Target practice! * This Troper does this so damn much that his family can only tell the difference between him being serious or if he's actually snark-mode 95% of the time. * [[{{Tropers/Aspie}} This troper]] does this sometimes. He often forgets to use SarcasmMode when doing it on the net, causing [[HilarityEnsues hilarity to ensue.]] * Occurred when my teacher was trying to convince me not to hate chorus. Keep in mind I was in chorus and very, very badly wanted out. -->'''Teacher:''' Oh, come on, [Troper]! Let your inner canary sing! -->'''Me:''' My inner canary wants to sing {{Dragonforce}}. ** I think I love you. * My band director fits this to a T. After doing something really dumb, he asks, "[Troper Name], were you being extraordinarily stupid yesterday or just normally stupid?" That and his deadpan way of threatening to kill at least one person in the band on a near-daily basis. *** Hrm, sounds extremely familiar to this troper... ** This tropers classmate Nolan almost always talks in a very serious, deadpan voice. So he was reading a story, a very serious one obout the word overflowing with water, and people dying, and things like that. He gets to the part in which the king of an island thats about to drown is going to hang himself- and then we get some evil guy who was responsible for the flood coming in, and the king asking what he wants. Then, we get this line: "We want your ipod. Your music is cool." The entire class started laughing. * I had a really good one the other day: --->'''Aunt:'''So are your classes hard? --->'''Me:'''[[SincerityMode Not really.]] *{{beat}}* [[BadAss Not if you're me!]] * One of my best bud's CatchPhrase is "Apparently your defintion of [insert an adjective] is different from mine."

* This troper has a Calculus teacher like this. The class isn't quite sure if he's a full-time DeadpanSnarker or a part-time JerkAss, too, since he usually snarks at students, but we do think he's funny. So long as his comments aren't directed at us. It also pays to know your audience when it comes to sarcasm--some people ''really'' don't appreciate it. * [[{{Tropers/DoubleG}} I]] usually cross JerkAss territory instead of being [[DeadpanSnarker snarky]]. In fact, I'm pretty much like this on a daily basis, well thanks to [[TookALevelInJerkAss past experiences]]. One time, my friend told me a joke in class, and our classmate/acquintance asked what was funny, my friend told him nothing and that it was an inside joke. When my classmate said he didn't get it, I told him: --->'''Me:''' Of course you wouldn't get it, because it involves friends. * Depending on the situation, this troper can play the role exceedingly well. --->'''Friend:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext See, I can gather sticks!]] --->'''Me:''' To be fair, a dog could do the same job quicker. --->'''Son-to-not-be-friend:''' Hey, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. --->'''Soon-to-be-slapped-me:''' I did. It's very impressive that canines can be trained to higher competency levels than certain humans. Then I got bored of normal snarkiness. So I moved on to hypocritical snarkiness for added joy. --->'''Me:''' Of course. Only Americans would make such broad generalizations. * This troper is more of a standard smart aleck mixed with [[LargeHam Large Ham]], but can be more deadpan if he wants. * This troper fits the Snarker part, but replaces the Deadpan with [[LargeHam Large Ham]]. Outside of LargeHam Snarking, I'm one of the biggest [[ThePollyanna Pollyannas]] you'll probably ever meet. ---Go back to DeadpanSnarker. Like that will help. ----

DeadTVRemoteGag * @/{{Warlock}}: My old-old-inherited-from-my-stepdad TV, where the face buttons were half dead, meaning that the remote was the only reliable option for changing the channel or volume. So dead batteries == screwed. * @/{{Seanette}}: It was not possible to change channels on my previous cable box without the remote. The box had ''no'' buttons at all. Its successor does have control buttons on the box itself, which I consider a vast improvement. * During one of my computer classes, the instructor discovered that the batteries in the remote for the projector were broken, precluding him from turning the device on. Rather than hunt for batteries in the middle of class or go without visual aids, he simply poked the power button with the end of the remote.

DealWithTheDevil * That editor had a nightmare where a female devil was giving these out en masse. In a twist, while she always made sure the result was up to specifications, she'd consider it an agreement even if you were only tempted by the offer. Meaning you could say no, and she'd take your soul and give you what you wanted anyway "because you were thinking 'yes.'" ** Was she hot? On a related note, [[UnitOmega This Troper]] has detailed plans if he is offered such a deal that involve him getting what he wants, but ''not'' getting screwed, hopefully. (Think GrimGrimoire.) *** She was reasonably pretty, though at the time I was more worried about "HOLYCRAPIJUSTLOSTMYSOUL!" **** You can borrow this one. It's a loaner, but the milage is pretty low. **** ...Erick? * Remember that "Soul Contract" thing from {{XKCD}}? Yeah, I actually did that. * I'm not sure when it started but because of my mischievious nature, my friends and cousins seem to think they're making such a deal with me as the devil whenever I offer to do them a favor. The ones who found out about the pitchfork toy I owned all gave me blank looks when they saw me with it. * Our tabletop gaming group used to own our Dungeon Master's soul in exchange for a soda. He bought it back later in two installments. (Please note this was played entirely for laughs. Tabletop gaming does not actually give you the power to extract or manipulate souls.) ** [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp Someone hasn't read his]] JackChick it seems...([[CriticalResearchFailure Don't]]) * In a rather disturbing and depressing Real Life version of this trope, my Biology teacher once told the class a story about a smart, intelligent girl who went bad when she was about fourteen; having constant sex with everything, doing drugs, stealing, all that, and she even bragged she had promised the Devil to kill herself on her eighteenth birthday if she got everything she wanted until then. In what this troper truly hopes is a coincidence, shortly after her eighteenth birthday, she didn't kill herself but she was arrested and was thrown in jail, and is still there to this day. Mind you, the focus of the story was on how a person with such potential threw it all away, not the demon part, and he didn't even point out that her life stopped being "good" after the promised birthday, but it's still creepy. * This troper had a history teacher who mentioned a student that would sell candy bars for souls. She always had the right kind of candy bar. ** This Troper will gladly sell his soul to that student. Mostly because he doesn't think he has one. Weeeee! Free candy bar! * [[{{Crion87}} This troper]] wants to sell his soul for a long-term [[{{IfYouKnowWhatIMean}} romantic involvement]] with an albinistic

woman - he doesn't care anymore, even if she turns out to be an EvilAlbino... ** This troper knows a female albino. She's Mormon and would probably pretend to trade your soul for a relationship, and then laugh at you and walk off. Maybe she ''is'' evil? *** Agreed, but [[{{Crion87}} this troper]] is currently trying to atone for a [[{{YourCheatingHeart}} two-timing]] [[{{NoodleIncident}} incident]] involving betraying a GamerChick with an OlderThanTheyLook [[{{HookerWithAHeartOfGold}} ex-prostitute]] [[{{TheFundamentalist}} hypocritical Christian fundamentalist]]. Thanks, but [[{{Crion87}} this troper]] has a second chance with said GamerChick now, maybe later, Satan. Plus that's not the [[{{EvenEvilHasStandards}} kind of ''evil'' I meant...]] **** Wait, let me get this one straight. You ''dumped'' a ''GamerChick''?? * This troper sold his soul to the devil recently. Easiest 20 bucks he ever made. * [[{{Joerc45}} This troper]] would sell his soul for a [[BuxomIsBetter busty]], [[{{Gainaxing}} bouncy]], [[HairOfGold blonde beauty]] with a [[HotLibrarian genius intellect]], [[TheMessiah heart of gold]], and [[GeekyTurnOn vast knowledge of video games, anime, books, and computers.]] ** You fool. For a soul you could easily get a partner with blue hair! Or pink hair. And a job of some kind, so you don't have to give them money constantly. You cast too wide a net. * I'm currently willing to sell my soul to get a happily ever after with my unrequited love interest, bonus points because in the future when I get cybernetic upgrades, they won't have a soul to eat <3. * Er...not sure this counts, but this troper is writing a novel in which my protagonist ''tries'' to sell her soul to Hades (a fairly benevolent deity in this adaptation,as per the original myths)to save her dying LoveInterest but can't manage because she doesn't technically have a soul. ** In my short story, a guy who likes a retired band tries to sell his soul to a sort of Incubus who (probably) means him no indirect harm... By doing so, the Incubus lets him time-travel back to the times his band rocked and an ensuring fire breaks out at their concert. but in an OuterLimitsTwist, the friendly demon lets TheHero weasel his way out of the contract- by haunting indefinately the store he worked at after the same fire kills him. * This Troper's wife (who is a domestic, lifestyle slave) repeatedly asked for her contract to be revised after our marriage to specify I own her soul for all eternity, after which time I consented. I have a great wife. This has not, however, disabused friends of mine from openly referring to me as "the devil." * This troper would sell his soul to change the world. * This troper's brother is more like a deal with the sidhe, but otherwise operates on the same principle. He won't enter into any agreement (with this troper, at least; who knows, maybe he's actually trustworthy when I'm not around. Pigs have flown before) if he thinks there's any possibility he'll have to hold to the spirit of the deal; perverting the letter of the deal to his own advantage is like a

twisted little hobby for him. * This troper thinks the people of the Middle Ages were idiots for thinking someone would agree to this.Back then,everyone was TheFundamentalist.So why would anyone of the time make a deal with Satan if they knew who he was and that it'll end up in misery?I knew they were BookDumb,but I didn't think they'd be this TooDumbToLive ** YouFailHistoryForever. Not everyone was TheFundamentalist, and the Devil's usually believed to be pretty damn persuasive. *** Yeah, but it's your ''soul''. Unless the person was really stupid, did not truly believe souls existed, or Satan used mind control or hypnosis (which would be pretty likely...) * This troper was one of the few to defy this. Upon hearing on skype that two of her friends(who were together) met up again, I complained that [[TemptingFate I would give anything to meet up with my boyfriend.]](I should point out that [[LongDistanceRelationship he lives on the other side of the country.]]) Cue the devil showing up and asking for my soul in exchange for being able to see him. Knowing that I already intended to meet up with my boyfriend this summer and that the devil would probably outsmart me in some way, I declined. We argued for a bit, and he eventually left, along with his assistant demon. * In an AllDogsGoToHeaven[=/=]Balto Roleplay this troper was in, Sakak, one of the main villains and an ancient Trickster spirit pulled a HeelFaceTurn with Belladonna, her coming along with him because they were in love. He buys the Devil out of one of these (Sakak litterally invented loopholes in this RP, so making deals with him wasn't a bright idea) in exchange for buying back Belladonna's soul for her because he loved her, [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming aww!]]. * This Troper has a friend who, whenever she asks her for anything (especially money), will ask for her soul in return. It's less a permanent sale than collateral for a loan, though - she'll give it back once I pay her back. Sometimes, if it's not something I can return (like a sheet of paper to take notes in class), she'll give it back anyway, since she says the fun is in the chase. She doesn't want to torment me for eternity, and it's no fun to just have it. ---You can go back to DealWithTheDevil, just sign on the dotted line in your own blood. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DeathbringerTheAdorable * [[{{SorenDiz}} This troper]] was playing Disgaea 2, and due to the game's rather idiosyncratic random naming for generic characters, ended up with a Lv. 1 Healer named... Deathsatan. Kind of ironic, if you think about it. * [[{{Indigo}} This troper]] lived next door to Killer, a shy toy Yorkie who could put all four paws in the palm of an adult's hand. ** [[{{Sciatrix}} This one]] lives next door to an adorable, impeccably-behaved, fluffy Cockapoo named Spartacus.

* [[ManCalledTrue This editor]] has a pet chihuahua mix named Bruiser. He calls it "the rat". It barely stands taller than his ankles. ** Are you sure you're not on this troper's old paper route? Someone there had this cute little chihuahua-type thing named Bruiser. Every time this troper approached the house, Bruiser would come running, doing his best Rottweiler impression, but never actually got very close, and would run off if yelled at. ** This troper's aunt has a dog named Bruiser. He's the most neurotic dog she's ever met. He's terrified of trees! * This troper's best friend has always planned on buying an evil looking dog and naming it Cujo, however she plans on it being extremely sweet and terribly dumb. This same friend's mother had a dog named Mad Dog, which caused a bit of trouble when she called its name in the streets. * This Troper named her kind, sweet-tempered, and extremely shy cat [[{{Warrior Cats}} Hawkfrost]]. This was before she found out the canon Hawkfrost's actual personality... ** HilariousInHindsight much? * This troper, as a 16-year-old with an 8-week-old miniature Rat Terrier puppy, named her Dragon. The joke is she will learn to breathe fire and fly when she grows up. ** '''My''' rat terrier is named Thor, but he's a hydrophobic little skittish freak! I'm extremely excited! For no fuckin' reason! * This troper always wanted a dog, but due to [[ExecutiveMeddling Parental Meddling]] ended up with a goldfish. She named it Spike. This turned out to be a subversion, as it then ''ate its tankmates''. * This troper has named his new baby bunny in advance: Colonel Fear, Lord of Darkness. * More a [[IronicNickname nickname]] than an actual name, but this troper has taken to calling Monty, his sister's ball python, "Monster," solely to invoke this. Monty is a cute, sweet-tempered, cuddly sort of creature who likes warm hiding places and tickling people with his tongue. Monsty is actually the reson this troper is no longer scared of snakes. * This troper's best friend has a Pomeranian named Ripper. * This troper's cat, Psycho, may just be the single most cuddly and affectionate animal ever. * This troper named one of his Nintendogs Deathbringer ([=DthBrng=], actually, due to the name length limit) solely due to this trope's existence. And it is adorable. * This troper knows of a Labrador puppy (although it's probably a full grown Lab by now), named Killer. Strangely, the name made it seem even cuter. * ThisTroper has 3 dogs named Randy, Taz, and Blondie. When there are salesmen nearbye, they are Werewolf, Satan, and Beelzebub * This troper originally had subverted this when she named her Siamese kitten Meany, as he was wild and crazy and would bite, claw, or destroy everything in sight. However, when Meany grew up, he apparently learned to accept himself and turned into a feline drag queen who loved to prance around in pink ribbons and flowers and the like. It was hard to explain why the frilly little critter had that name while he was begging for his favorite pink bow to be put around

his neck. * This troper had a leopard gecko named Spike. He wasn't sweet, as such, but he wasn't threatening, either. Mostly, he would just lie around in his terrarium. * This troper lives next to a man who keeps three rottweilers: Ripper, Shredder and Gouger. They're adorable, though Shredder has, apparently, chased an incompetent burglar out of the house. ** Same guy keeps Varelisus the Spineborn, Eater of Hearts. He's a hedgehog. * [[{{Tropers/Kalle}} This troper]] and her boyfriend are planning on getting a Dachshund puppy and naming it [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Evangelion Unit 01]]. 'Eva' for short. * Tropers, meet Fenrir and Cerebus, the world's most lazy pair of Dutch Barge Dogs. * This troper used to have a kitten she named Hercules. This trope's continued with all her cats. Especially the ginger Persian named Cuchulainn. ** Wait a second there. You called a cat "The HOUND of Chulann"?! WTH??!! * This troper knew a guy at university with a hamster called Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living. ** But hamsters only [[{{Irony}} live three years]]... * [[BretheWriter This Troper]]'s family named their basset hound puppy Loki, after the Norse God of Fire and Mischief. Although he will run up and bark at you madly if you dare to come near his yard, if you lean over to pet him, he runs as though the hounds of Hell are chasing him, ''still barking defiantly.'' No one is impressed. * This troper's sister-in-law's family owns a German Shorthaired Pointer named Kaiser. He comes up to this troper(6'1")'s stomach and is the biggest puppy you've ever met. He can leap the fence, though, so might partially be a subversion... * This troper's guinea pig is called [[CthulhuMythos Cthulhu]] * [[{{Smerf}} This]] troper's mother, as a child, had a pet dachshund (aka wiener god) named "Brutus", who was a sweet dog that like having his ears stroked. ** Subversion, though: Brutus killed a deer in the back yard one day, and the animal control people had to pry his jaws open with a crowbar. He was a throwback to the original dachshunds, which were used to hunt badgers. ''In their dens.'' * This troper knows a woman who named her kitten Rasputin. Troper herself has always wanted to name one of her own pets after a serial killer. ** I named my cat {{Dexter}}. Close enough? * This troper has a couple next door that have a dachshund named Raider. He comes up barking at you and will back away, still barking, if you try to come over and pet him. If you leave walking, he runs after you, barking. This troper believes that he thinks he's running you off his turf. * [[{{Karalora}} This troper]]'s cat is named Sekhmet, after the Egyptian lion-headed goddess who was so violent and bloodthirsty that the only way to calm her down was to spike a hundred barrels of beer with red dye so that she would mistake it for blood, drink it all, and

then pass out drunk. The cat? Has ''never'' used her teeth or claws in anger, and loves to cuddle. * This troper once knew a pit bull named Cain, who was the sweetest dog you would ever meet, and who loved to invite himself over to play with our dog. * This troper has named a Goldfish Hercules. Possibly a subversion as he was the biggest fish in the tank; and if my dad's theory about whether or not he was responsible for the deaths of several other fish, may have lived up to his name. My friend also named his adorable, black lab puppy Caesar, though I'm not sure if that counts since it's a common name for people and animals, but the dog was adorable. * This troper has a pet dachshund named Maximilian(or Max/Maxi for short). He made a Rottweiler twice his size back away from him, and a large fox run away. * When my mother's cat had kittens, she allowed me and my siblings to name them. I named one Crassus, after an Ancient Roman general and politican, who defeated the Spartacus Revolt and had the surviving slaves crucified. I just like the sound of the name. * My dad once had a Chihuahua named, and I quote * clears throat* [[OverlyLongName Chico Bananas Gonzales Hernandez Fernandez Desoto Pancho Cisco Pedro Juan Emmanuel Chili Con-Carne Bacon]]. And it apparently thought it was a Doberman. ** Your father (if he named it) must have had good memory to remember all that. This Troper bets just about everyone else had a shorter nickname for it (and it was probably Chico). * Gigantic (and I mean gigantic, I think there's some lynx or something in it) orange cat owned by an ex-army South African named Ghengis Khat. Complete wuss. Attatched to owner to a suspicious degree, seems to be jealous of wife. * Whenever my dad takes our three-year-old, very cute but balding Pomeranian named Koda for a walk and encounters anyone, especially if they have a big dog, he calls our Koda, "Killer" * Now, because of this trope, I'm gonna name my grandma's kittens weird things. [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife Thanks, TV Tropes.]] * This troper has Oberon the houseplant and Poison the two-inch long fish. Poison ''is'' a Siamese Fighting Fish, though, so this troper guesses he kinda deserves his name. This troper actually got that name by butchering "poisson", the French word for "fish". ** It is to be noted that poison is spelled the same in in French and English, but is pronounced almost exactly the same as poisson, but with a zz sound instead of an ss sound. So, really, not that hard. * Game example: [[GamerFromJump My]] Raticate started as a Deathbringer. A Rattata named [[{{Transformers}} Ravage]], not very intimidating. After evolving, it [[RodentsOfUnusualSize grew into its name]]. ** This troper invoked this deliberately on two seperate occasions. Deathman the Togepi and Doom the Eevee (Now a Togetic and an Espeon respectively) * This troper knows a friend who has a rottweiler named War. The reason he's on this page is because he's really a sweetheart. * Don't really know if this counts, but... This troper had a gerbil

she happily called Len (Lion) after a character from a book she had just read. This troper's mother decided to call the poor thing Ratigan. He never did anything beyond escaping from his cage once. * This Troper's [[BigFriendlyDog Yellow Labrador]] was named Baron by his mother (as in after the RedBaron). And he just loves to be petted (and will lie down lazily when he gets it). Also loves to play with water (one of his funny habits is to splash around in a vat used to collect rain water). * My mother has a dog who's about a feet high (he's a mix between a small poodle and a papillon), and he's an absolute sweetheart. His real name is Harry, but we call him "the great beast." * ThisTroper has a friend whose brother got a Pit Bull and named him Tank. And oh my gosh does he belong on this page! He thinks he's a lapdog, he always wants to be petted, and he's perfectly fine with being subordinate to the tiny older female dog the family owns. He's the sweetest thing ever, wants to be loved on and lick people, and is just so cute! * This troper has a pet Pekingese, all of a foot high and two feet long, named Zeus. He likes licking people and is the closest thing to a living ragdoll she's ever owned, since he goes completely limp when picked up. * This tropers old teacher told him about when she lived on a farm with chickens. I asked the names of the chickens, but i cannot remember any of them but one called '''Firebird.''' * This troper plans to name her future puppy "Goliath." :) * This troper has a 12-lb toy poodle named Jack, who is also known as the [[GirlGenius Jagerpoodle]] . He thinks he's a guard dog, and has taken on the neighbor's pit bull and won (it was more of a play fight, but Jack vs Spike always ends with Jack winning). He's a cuddle monster, but can destroy things like you wouldn't believe. * [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGRtq2SwF8s The Kitten Cthulhu.]] You're welcome. * This troper, an avid Pokemon player with a creepy sense of humor, has had such gems as [[AdolfHitler Hitler]] the Pidgey, Mussolini the Mankey, and [[TexasChainsawMassacre Leatherface]] the Pachirisu. * So a year ago, my parents decide to get a new dog, a Shih Tzu. They found out that a friend of theirs at work had to get rid of a 2 year old dog, so we adopted him. His name? Cujo. He's just this adorable little gray and white dog with a love for being cuddled and absolutely no mean bones in his body. The person who named him? Had no idea there was even a movie or book called Cujo, and named him after a hockey player's nickname. * My cat, an adorable Birman, is named Nazi. ---Back to DeathbringerTheAdorable. Awwww, whosa sweet widdle trope? You are! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DeathByGenreSavviness

* This troper once had a dream involving a castle with an enormous, stained-glass window inhabited by a giant dragon. The dragon immediately smashed through the window to attack me, but all I could say was, "I knew it! I knew that would happen! That window was far too huge and breakable to NOT be broken!" As I was standing there yelling, the dragon immediately ate me. * This troper and his friends were playing TabletopRPG when his party entered a abandoned temple, looking for a certain treasure. It was only one room full of scary looking statues to the sides with a small altar containing the treasured at the end. This troper immediately said "Uh, guys, I think those statues are going to come to life and splatter our guts the moment someone touches that thing...". Nevertheless, the other party members decided to disregard my advice and get the little trinket, while I stayed as far away of it as I could, thinking the statues were only going to attack those ''near'' the thing. Turns out I was right, and the moment our spellcaster took the treasure, the statues came to life. Then it turned out I was wrong, and the statue closer to me immediately splattered my guts while I wasn't looking. This troper made sure to have his last words being: "I... Told you... Motherf...". * This troper occasionally chooses characters with longer ranged weapons in [[SoulCalibur Soul Calibur]] in the hopes that I can keep opponents at a distance... too bad this often incenses them into rushing into me, effectively foiling my strategy. * [[MalachiteDragon This Troper]] had a dream like this recently after reading too much on the SexEqualsDeath trope page. He and his girlfriend, in his dream, had just finished [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean doin' the horizontal mambo]] when I roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. Cue beat panel, then I close my eyes and say out loud, "Awww fuck. This is the point where we die messily, isn't it?" Cue [[NightmareOnElmStreet Freddy]] stepping out from behind my door. --->'''Freddy:''' "Yeah, pretty much." --->'''Me:''' "Totally called it!" '''*BLARG*''' * This Troper's friend once played in a DnD campaign where his party was going through a castle when they spot a chest. They want to open the chest, but he says that it will eat him. They argue for a while, then the rogue opens the chest without anyone noticing. Guess who gets to scream "I told you so!" before being devoured by a chest? * [[TheTallOne My]] English teacher is a horror movie aficionado, and one day we were talking about who would survive if our entire class were dumped in a horror movie. It was decided I would be second to die ([[BlackDudeDiesFirst after the mouthy black kid, of course)]], because of my GenreSavvy and [[DeathByPragmatism pragmatism.]] * My Drama club, and several other kids, decided to make a zombie game. The rules were simple. 1 kid would be chosen at random to be the infected one, and eventually turn, trying to get everyone else, who would them become zombies. We would then try to kill the zombies before they could kill us. Being the genre-savvy deadpan snarker, I was the first one targetted. Subverted, because I saw that one coming and promptly took off with the rest of my 5 man band, and set up a large ambush in a forest clearing.*We were playing in the woods* In the end, we were the only 5 to survive, as the zombies all immediatly

lunged for me, allowing me to easilly bait them. ** However, they still haven't forgiven me for it, so I may end up Dead by Genre savvyness yet... I just KNEW there'd be a link to DeathByGenreSavviness on this page! I just KN-*'''CRUNCH'''* -----<<|TroperTales|>>

DeathByNewberyMedal * This Troper was researching depressing books for fanart for MyImmortal. She came upon a theme. Most depressing books are either about dead dogs or Nazis/The Holocaust. So, the most depressing book ever would logically be about Nazis who kill a dog. I can see it now! ''Blondi, Mein Freund'', the heart wrenching tale of Adolf Hitler's beloved German shepherd and his agonizing decision to kill her before the Russians do. ''The Diary of Anne Frankfurter'', the bittersweet memoir of a dachshund who hides with her family in an attic during Nazi occupation. ''Mitzi's Choice'', a Polish Lowland Sheepdog named Mitzi is impounded along with her puppies, and she's forced to choose which one will be put to sleep. There would also be such titles as ''Old Yellow Star'', ''Where the Red Army Marches'', ''Summer of My German Shepherd'', ''The Schnauzer in the Striped Collar''...OK, I'll stop now! ** Thanks for all the PlayedForLaughs. No seriously. The two topics alone are depressing, but put them together and it's no longer serious. *** Glad you like. However, I just found a book today that does sort of put the two together! It's called ''Saving Zasha''. It's about a boy named Mikhail who lives in Russia just after WWII and finds a German shepherd. Because these dogs are associated with Nazis, a lot of Russians want them dead, however, the war has caused dogs to be scarce in Russia. It has no medal on the cover and I haven't read the whole thing, so I don't know if Zasha dies or not. (Safe to say Mikhail won't since it's from his POV.) **** OK, read it. It won't be winning the Newbery. Sasha not only does not die, but she's going to have puppies that, according to the author's historical notes, will be instrumental in breeding the black Russian terrier. The dog thieves go to jail and, just to make it a mega-happy ending, Papa comes home from the war, battered but alive. ** Someone needs to write this book, just to subvert all of the really shitty books that have played this straight. Seriously, someone just has to make the YA section snap out of it.

DeathGlare * This troper warns others of incoming [[UnstoppableRage Unstoppable Rage]] through a [[DeathGlare Death Glare]]. It's very effective, possibly because she has striking, dark blue eyes and makes scary

[[SlasherSmile Slasher Smiles]]. Just today, some boys tried (and failed) to trip her in the hall... she kept walking forward but unwaveringly glared back at the boys. She opened her class's door so forcefully, it slammed against the wall. The boys looked a tad disturbed... [[ObfuscatingStupidity hm, why?]] * >:( * One of the most umcomfortable experiences this troper has had was when once, at a dojo, one of the younger black belts came to sparring practice without his gear. When one of the instructors called him on it, he gave an excuse, and the instructor just death glared him in total silence for something like thirty seconds. This troper wasn't even on the receiving end and she wanted the earth to open up under her. * Being the [[OnlySaneMan Only Sane Woman]] in my class full of morons, I get to practice them a lot. Particularly when I get asked an incredibly stupid question. It's fun to watch them recoil with an, "Oh shit" look on their face. * This troper has a look when neutral that is, if not a death glare, at the very least a bullet-to-the-foot leer. When I'm really mad... well, my mouth can't really smile or frown (except when laughing, but I can't smile consciously.), but it becomes even more of a flat, emotionless line, and then I have piercing, slightly squinty blue eyes. I always, always win staredowns with people. * This troper, while a fire chief, had to deal with a pre-teen who had intentionally set a snowmobile on fire. Said kid's parents were trying to excuse it as a simple childish accident gone awry. Having been in a really bad mood for assorted reasons, I didn't want to lose my temper, but apparently the death glare came out and, within minutes, the kid was crying and promising never to do anything like it again and the parents were working out a deal to pay the owner for damages. A local police officer present asked if I could be borrowed next time they had an interrogation. ** Isn't this [[strike: practically]] a CrowningMomentOfAwesome? ** An [[{{Darkbladedancer}} aspiring firefighter]] would like to meet you. Seriously. ** [[MemeticMutation You must teach me how.]] * This troper was once going to read a speech out for some friends. As she started the first line, one friend opened a can of soda with an especially loud ''crrrk!'' Apparently, not ''only'' did she unleash a truly horrifying DeathGlare, but turned her head around in an almost Exorcist-worthy fashion. * This troper, having a joking father, has used the DeathGlare too many times to count, and each time getting a comment about if her eyes were guns, he'd be dead. ** Same with this troper, but also goes for a joking brother and friends (along with the occasional annoying one). Her brother often does what he does for the evil glare. ** Are you me? [[AcrossTheStars This troper]]'s father has remarked that her glare could drop horses dead in their tracks. * This Troper once completely inadvertently gave one to a woman at one of my old retail jobs. It was a super stressful time at a job I was fed up with enough that I was only weeks away from handing in my

resignation. A woman walked in who loudly and very seriously announced that she was there to give us a problem, and launched into a tirade. Except after a couple of second of me looking at her she would stop or pause in the middle of sentences, and began nervously asking things like "You're not having a very good day, are you" and quickly moderated her tone. By the end of the interaction she was unconsciously flinching while I was very politely helping her. The fact that less than a week earlier I'd received a [[GoodScarsEvilScars large gash right below my eye and the stitches were still in might have helped...]]- [[Tropers/TheWanderer The Wanderer]] ** Whoa, If that is not a CrowningMomentOfAwesome I dont know ''what'' is! * [[{{Cosman246}} Do not ask stupid questions...]] * This Troper has, after significantly bad days, had his ''teachers'' back down from Death Glares when they try to get in to his business. * This troper, whom has a habit of wearing [[{{CatGirl}} Nekomimi ]][[{{CosplayOtakuGirl}} in public]], of course, deals with smart-ass comments and the like a lot, (although she gets her fair share of compliments as well.). Some days, this troper can tell who's going to laugh and the like and who isn't, but if she's not in a good mood, ''everyone'' gets the DeathGlare. [[strike:Hell hath no fury like a weeaboo in a bad mood.]] ** This troper once bought a cat collar, with a little bell on it, and came home wearing it. He got one of the biggest death stares in his life from his father. ** Son I Am Disappoint ** Hey, [[{{Tropers/Ventisia}} someone else who]] wears this stuff in public! I wear wolf ears, a collar, and a tail pretty much ''everywhere,'' including school. I get [[{{DeathGlare}} death glares]] all the time! :D * This troper's friend has a death glare that works on everyone /but/ this troper, who has spent so much time making funny faces with her little brother that she has an immediate response to start making faces whenever said friend attempts the death glare. * This troper has almost a ''permanent'' death glare, especially when he is pissed. Which he is often. . ** This troper empathizes. Childhood depression in elementary school (yes, that young) left him with a permanent frown-shaped mouth (even when neutral emotionally), and he was born with sunken, "Benicio del Toro" eyes. Very often he merely looks bored or excessively tired, but he often gives death glares without meaning to. When asked by acquaintances how he accomplishes such an iconic stare, he replies, "I just tilt my head down and look out from under my eyebrows." Instant movie villain. On the bright side, I once used it on a canoe trip to scare off someone who interrupted my story by slapping me hard on my back and ribs at the same time. Pause. Glare. Glare. Glare. Person's smile slowly fades and he walks away sheepishly. Continue story. Instant {{Crowning Moment of Awesome}}. * While this troper is... well, ''way'' too shy to have a Death Glare, her father is a different story. His glare might not be that intimidating on its own, but he compounds it by talking in a very, very reasonable tone, and he does not back down until he gets what

he's looking for. Employees get their managers, managers sweat and become conciliatory. This troper really wishes she was more like him. * [[JapaneseTeeth This troper]] has an interesting story about one of these. During a class trip, his friend was messing around on the bus while another guy took a video. Later, when we were watching the video we noticed that he had accidentally bumped into one of the girls while messing around. We also noticed that she gave him the worst DeathGlare we had ever seen. When it came on the screen, we actually backed up about five feet from the computer because it was so scary. The "look of Death" became somewhat well known after that. * This troper has been cultivating a death glare to deal with the DOZENS of people trying to hand him leaflets on his way through downtown. Also, at work he's frequently asked whether he's pissed off or sleepy. Which is just confusing. * I have decided that I will give one of these when someone has done or said something too stupid to insult with words. I actually haven't had a chance to do it seriously yet. Often I end up doing a mock version of it and laugh during it. * This troper is usually cold and distant, yet keeps a helpful and polite demeanour. There have been exactly two times, however, when he has inadvertently and literally ''killed'' someone's joy just by looking at them, for no apparent reason (granted, this troper might have been in a bad mood at the time, but still...). They would be laughing or beaming with happiness, and then their eyes would meet this troper's. Their expressions would almost immediately turn into "Oh God, I think I died inside." faces. Needless to say, it filled this troper with soul-crushing guilt. * Once when this troper was but a wee little high school freshman on a "freshman firday," a group of juniors sat down at my lunch table (I had just moved there and thus didn't know anyone yet, although I don't usually make the attempt anyway) demanding that I let them "mark" me with the traditional magic marker "F." Now, I have been known to have a deep hatred of face-painting and other sort of body markings, so naturally I told them no. They insisted, saying it was a tradition, to which I replied it was also illegal without consent. About 15 seconds of a death stare eventually made them mutter "forget this kid" and leave. I call it a victory since when I was a junior freshman ''never'' got away with stuff like that * For this troper, it's a family joke. The "Go Die Now Look" is said to run in the family on the female side. Troper's mother uses it as a last resort in her job as a middle school teacher. * This troper ("Dialga") only uses it when arguing with his mother over schoolwork but it is accompanied with an oddly appropriate icy voice. * This troper's mother refuses to look at her in certain moods, and while young she would regularly beat her father in out-staring competitions because she would "put up a mirror, everything I push gets reflected back". * Touching [[{{Tsochar}} this troper]]'s D&D books without his permission will earn you this. * This troper, despite having the overall attitude of the helpful guy, has successfully stared down a particularly aggressive K9 at the

Sheriff's Department where he interned. * This troper has it as his default expression. It generally keeps lesser life forms (other people) away, the problem is, I don't know how to turn it off. It's gotten to the point where my college ID picture could very easily be cut out and turned into a mugshot. * This troper supplements his death glare with costume lenses. It even works without direct eye contact! * This troper is incapable of doing a death glare, but is more than capable of outstaring people who can. During a convention, this slightly addled cosplayer bumps into me at full force, causing me to stumble back. This guy was 6'2 at the very least, and was dressed up like Kamina. For reasons I will never comprehend, he decided that it was my fault for getting in his way, so he demands I apologize and gives me one of the most intense death glares I have ever seen. Seriously, some of the people who were watching practically ran away because it was just so scary. I just stood there with an amused grin on my face, calmly staring back at the guy. This lasted for a good three minutes before he gave up and walked away. After he left, I sighed in relief and continued on my way. * This troper uses this all the time when he goes grocery shopping, as he does so at a particularly infamously crime-ridden neighborhood and figures if he looks creepy enough, no one will bother him. ** This troper has used this for similar purposes. It served her quite well. * This troper's mother has all but perfected her stare, to the point that he and his brothers would refer to it as the Stare, with capitalization implied. We firmly believe that if she was angry enough, lasers would eventually fire out of her eyes and kill us instantly. * This troper's sister has said that their parents have glares that can make Chuck Norris cry. ** [[MemeticMutation Does that mean we get that cure for cancer?]] * This Troper has been on the receiving end of Death Glares on several occasions..which is a different problem. The best two came after: wearing a "Red Sox 2004 World Champions" t-shirt and hat in the middle of Penn Station, [[TooDumbToLive N]][[CrowningMomentOfAwesome Y]] in the middle of the day, and after making a drunk-but-deserved comment to a girl who he was formerly interested in dating. Of course he didn't back down, but he definitely felt the icy breath of the Reaper on his shoulder. Fun times for all! ** Sorry, I just had to tag NY for that story (I am a Sox fan). * ThisTroper (Draken) did this on accident to a photographer for his senior photos. The guy asked him to give the best serious look he can. So ThisTroper did. When the guy went to pick out the photo outta tha machine, the photographer AND his assisstant jumped back 6 feet. "Damn, kid, you look like you're about to kill us!" Best part? The photographer accidentally put that image on a RED background. ThisTroper still has the photo, and was disappointed when he couldn't put it as his picture in the yearbook. ** Then there was another incident. He was working for a movie theater a year later, waiting for a movie to finish so he and a coworker could clean, and the coworker asked if he could see what ThisTroper looked

like when he was angry. So he did. In the dark. Coworker nearly fainted. Had to sit down afterward. * This Troper has made people visibly uncomfortable when she turned her death glare on them. Strangely, my face, naturally stoic, doesn't really change. I express anger through my eyes. Then, there was a boy in my high school debate class. He had issues and often had a glare on his face. One day, I was talking to a classmate, and he looked over at us. Classmate, who was one of his best friends, was unaffected. I spent the rest of the year afraid of him. To his credit, he was more patient with me than some of the other classmates and actively worked at trying to convince me that he wasn't someone I needed to be afraid of. * This troper has had his Therapist ''talk'' to him about not distancing himself from other people with, quote, "That death look." Whoops... * This troper's mother has only ever struck her once, when she was twelve. Every other time before or since she didn't have to, because her glare can '''''solidify stomach acid'''''. * This troper is a little sensitive about her full name. Every other woman she meets has that name, including a few friends... so of course the occasional slip happens where someone accidentally calls her that. She has her friends well trained at this point. These days, they begin backpedalling ''before'' she gets to whip out the Death Glare. ** Is your name Rachel? I have that name, and I sympathize with you, even if you don't, because I know what it's like to be in a hall, hear your name called out half a dozen times, and never have the shouts addressed towards you. * [[{{WhiteArchmage}} This Troper]] has been trying to perfect his own Death Glare for years, however he seems to do it accidentaly most of the time. Once when a van honked at him (turned out to be one of my friends trying to catch my attention) he turned around and practically scared the shit out of them (Or so they said) and another during his entrance exam to the uni, scaring a girl going to his same career (though we're really good friends now) also seems to happen whenever he takes an official photo (exception being his voting credential, though that one has another mistake altogether). * I haven't pulled off Death Glares, but I do have an immunity to them. Even from parents. The grin/rolleye I pull off incences them further. ^_^ ** Haha, ditto. I can't pull off one of my own, but other people's own don't affect me in the least bit. "Staring at me isn't going to change anything." or "When did this turn into a staring contest?" just pisses them off more... :D * This troper generally stares down New York City cab drivers, while crossing the street, and when it's the cabbie's light. * This troper's brother's expressions are all some version of death glare, except his crazy-killer-clown smile. It doesn't help that his emaciated appearance and dark, sunken eyelids make him look like a crack addict. Actually he's a really nice guy. * This troper had finally, after the best part of a year worked up the courage to talk to the girl he likes, and right at the point where he was going to ask her out, one of his other friends who was at the same

place jumped into the conversation to ask about something trivial. The glare this troper gave that friend should have by rights left nothing but a scorsched silhoutte on the wall. * There's a dark grey, shaggy cat that this troper's neighbours own who, whenever he's out on their front lawn, will glare at anyone pulling into our driveway. Now I could just put this down to typical feline arrogance and that he's just glaring at the car; but I swear, when I pull in, he's not glaring at the car; he's glaring through the windscreen and right at ME. It's not an ordinary look to see what's happening; it's a full-on, narrowed-eyes, head-slightly-tilted-down, "how-DARE-you-do-that" DeathGlare. ** Now that this troper thinks about it though; it might be because he knows what's about to happen: our automatic garage door opening. That may not sound like much, but it hasn't been oiled in a while and when it opens; it opens with the screech of the damned. * This troper works in the retail business and is generally complimented on how nice and helpful he is. However, it appears I have a very potent Death Glare. It was late and a customer was being downright rude to another cashier, basically calling her stupid and laughing about it. He accidentally makes eye contact with me and I'm NOT happy at that point in time with him. He stops laughing and doesn't talk for the rest of the order. * This troper becomes extremely irritable around the holidays. I don't hate them, and I actually celebrate and take pride in choosing gifts for people. The irritable gets worse and worse as Christmas Day approaches, to the point where last-minute shopping is accomplished by dragging me to a store, and putting me in front with my DeathGlare to cut a path through the rest of panicked shoppers. * This troper, [[{{HypocriticalHumor}} although a]] PungeonMaster [[HypocriticalHumor herself]], will often combine the DeathGlare with her most deadpan expression when a friend of hers makes a particularly terrible pun. Especially effective if the pun maker in question is not in her line of view, in which case she can execute the slow turn of the head, completely serious expression, and a 500-megawatt DeathGlare. This is rarely intended to be serious, however, and more for comedic effect to show exactly how terrible the joke was. She can usually keep it up around seven seconds before both parties burst into laughter. * My 4th grade teacher had the closest thing to a death glare you will ever see. I hope, even if you are a murdrer, that you don't, because no one deserves to see it, heck not any 4th grader. It made one kid faint in front of the whole class when she gave him the stare because he got a wrong awnser. That kid is usually pretty solid, too. * [[{{Stoney}} This troper]] does this by accident, but can never do it intentionally. He instead just raises an eyebrow, which seems to intimidate people often enough. * Teaching runs in the female side of this troper's family. Pity him, therefore, when he makes an inappropriate remark at a family gettogether. Eight SIMULTANEOUS death-glares. O.O "I'll be good". * This Troper has one the can make her siblings cower. And her friends. Her father also has one of these supposedly. She has never noticed her father's and dosn't find her's that scary. Go figure.

* This troper's best death glare ever happened by accident. He had been waiting in a long line at the DMV to renew his license plates and the clerk, who had no way of knowing that the troper was recovering from a rather painful extraction of all four wisdom teeth (the painkillers, they do nothing!), cracked a joke in an attempt to cheer him up. Being utterly incapable of smiling at the time without serious pain, he just looked at the clerk and saw her face go from smiling to "oh my god, please don't kill me" in under a second. He did feel a bit bad since it was unintentional. * This troper has been accused of making Death Glares for no reason at people. He thinks this is because his eyes are so sensitive to bright light, making him alternatively squint or glare without even noticing. It gets troublesome when people get either angry or disturbed by his entirely unintended antics. * This troper has the tendency to give Death Glares to idiots. This thankfully (most of the time) results in them shutting up. * Kind of a subversion: [[GwenStacyWannabe I]] don't ''glare'', exactly, as much as just stare at people who are irritating me for long periods of time, without breaking eye contact. This makes them very uncomfortable and is actually quite fun. * I hug anyone who gives me a death glare. I can't help it. My brother would death-glare me anytime he needed a hug and it just... comes naturally? '''Subversion.''' * [[{{Gerusz}} This troper]] has the piercing ice-blue type eyes. Sometimes a simple look makes people around him subconsciously shiver. The fact that his eyes are deeply seated enough to be completely in shadow in natural lighting conditions (i.e. light from above) doesn't hurt at all. After he noticed it, he used this look on purpose, with great success. * According to friends, this troper has ''three'' types of death glares. One is dubbed the "L" glare because I take on the stance and the freaky wide-eyed look of the character, another is the "official" death glare that sometimes includes a disturbing eye twitch, and the third is apparently a simple narrowing of the eyes...but they said there's something about it that scares the hell out of them. * This troper's neutral face is a hairbreadth from being a death glare, thus making intentional death glares quite frightening. Well, he discovered at Halloween Horror Nights 2008 that makeup heavily amplifies the effect. After getting his face painted to resemble the Joker (Heath Ledger version), he could make people so scared by his appearance that they would refuse to even look at him. He, of course, took advantage of this and actually attempted to scare some people as the scareactors did. He even worked with the scareactors a few times, and three times had his picture taken with his victims. * This troper's been on the receiving end of a large-scale death glare. He plays in the pep band at school, and at one particular basketball game the opposing team's cheerleaders had the most obnoxious free-throw mess-up chant (it consisted of the entire squad stomping out a rhythm and chanting "Miss it, miss it!" in the most irritatingly shrill voices ever). Troper decided to tell the ''entire pep band'' to copy the chant for the next time the opposite team had a free throw. When said throw came around, cue a band of 40 people

standing up and copying the chant '''exactly'''. If the glare we got from those cheerleaders had been lasers, Troper was told later by his conductor, there would have been a 40-foot smoking crater on our end of the gym, with a few burned-up instruments scattered about. * People have fainted. Seriously. ''Groups'' of large men have jumped back and/or run away. This troper is 5'1" and wears pigtails. You do the math. * This troper is immune to "death glares", and doesn't see what the big deal is. * This troper fails miserably at death glares, however, she ''was'' in a production of Much Ado About Nothing once. The kid playing Don John was a charming and easygoing guy, with a death glare that made being onstage with him ''terrifying''. This troper was ALWAYS onstage with him. This guy made a little boy ''cry'' at a performance by glaring. Otherwise he's a pretty cool dude, though. * [[{{Pinkbaron}} This troper]] remembers having to read one of her original poems to her 8th grade English class. Just as she opened her mouth, a smartass nerd in the front row [[BerserkButton interrupted her.]] Cue [[TheExorcist Exorcist-]]style head turning, a Death Glare, and said nerd promptly shutting up. And all of this was ''videotaped.'' * This troper was able to drive people literally up the wall with her death glare. Granted, her death glare was not a few-second long event-it was typically a 45 min (or however long the class was) "I want you to drop dead" glare. * This troper had had a particularly bad day where she'd learnt a family secret and that everyone she knew had been lying to her for 2 years. She came in to school and when the Headteacher, who was also in on said secret, asked why she was late, she tried to smile crookedly before giving up and glaring "I learnt about something my Dad did." He froze and she ''turned her back on him'' to go to her classroom. Later on, when she entered the classroom (it was homeroom) all her classmates instantly backed up and began asking with mildly panicked expressions what they'd done wrong. * This here Troper has a stare that REALLY creeps out certain people. Combine Mr. Burns with Artemis Fowl.That's my stare. * I thought every mother had one of these. Mine has a particularly creepy one, because, due to her green eyes, you can ''see'' her pupils contract slightly. ** My eyes do that, too. It's pretty frightening, even to me. ** Obligatory aversion: This troper's mother does not have a DeathGlare. She's a good, kind person and that shows in her face, whether she likes it or not. She compensates with a sharp tongue when need be and can cause the same effects as a DeathGlare with speech or writing. * This troper does so unconsciously whenever he is being reprimaded, interrupted or basically anything that would cause temporary dislike within a person. He has apparently never been able to artificially recreate it in front of a mirror, but his parents have dubbed it his "serial killer look", a classmate once said that it was a look that could turn people to stone, and this troper knows of at least one teacher (and apparently there were others when I was younger) who

tried to get him labeled as a problem child based chiefly on this subconscious death glare. This troper tries his very best not to get very angry at people as a result. * This (19-year-old) troper has pretty much given up hope of inheriting his father's death glare, which has been known to cause flies to explode. * Not a typical death glare, this quiet troper is known for hers because it's so glaringly obvious to her friends that she means business when it comes out. When she gets angry, she goes past the petty violence stage and into real rage. She had one friend totally terrified of her for quite a while, because she was convinced she'd kill her in her sleep. * {{Excel-2009}}. A good way to make a kid sorry he bumped into you in a public area is to quickly move your head to about 5cm away from theirs with eyes wide open and an otherwise blank expression. Try not to blink or make any sounds for maximum effect. I could only get the kid to cry, but if anyone manages to do this and make them soil themselves, I will tattoo your name on my right arm. * MY name is CJ and I, although I'm a fragile 100 lb 4'9" girl in a wheelchair, once made one of my peers (a youmg man in 10th grade who has like a foot and probably 60lbs on me) piss his pants. I had been in classes with him and his group of idiotic friends for years. They did not bully me per say more like annoyed the hell out of me, starting anew each day. One day I had enough and glared from the corner of my eye at him for a few minutes, all while doing my work, before slowly (you could hear my neck popping) methodically turning my head so Icould fully glare at him all the while getting this Heath Ledger Joker-esque grin on my lips. He jumped and a big wet spot formed in his pants as we all saw this yellow liquid trinkle out of his seat and onto the carpet. Although he left me alone for a week or so, idiocy dies hard and soon he began annoying me again. * [[DesertDragon This troper's]] father seldom had to say DontMakeMeTakeMyBeltOff. He would just give you this look from over the top of his glasses that said you were five seconds away from getting a piece of his waistline. * This troper used to do this to bullying classmates back in gradeschool. The kids would say "Ooh,Edith's giving you the evil eye!" or"The Edith Eye!" I just condesed all my loathing and bitterness for them into my eyes and shot it like a laser into thier souls though their eyes. i got better--after i left that shithole. she did this to another guy in highscool after he had whipered a slur that shocked his bullying friends and the girl sitting beside him confirmed it with a numb nod.The look i gave them made his buddies cringe back and pale. he refused to look me in the eye. I restrained myself fantastically so. * Once at school, this troper was in a particularly bad mood, so when she heard some [[TheLibby Libbies]] talking about her during recess, she whipped out one of these. They ran away. * This troper has two different glares. One isn't really a glare, it's more of a "Surely you jest" look that I use whenever someone either says or does something stupid. The other I only use whenever someone mixes up my name with my brother's and it's more of a "Try again or I

will kill you where you stand" look. There was also this one time my freshman year when I was repeatedly being interrupted doing something (I think it was reading) by two girls. When one of them tapped me on the shoulder I snapped my head around and fixed them with a death glare, along with a loud "WHAT?" that made them jump back in their seats. ** My mother also has one, which she accompanies by baring her teeth. * I can't manage a death glare, but I do have one hell of a deadened, vacant stare, that can be easily combined with a deranged smile. If you want to avoid talking to someone, seriously, just slowly turn to face them with a giant SlasherSmile and glassy eyes. * This Troper has ADHD. Since my eyes are not always focused on say, the person I'm talking to, when I DO look at them it appears I'm staring right through them. This is completely unintentional and I have no want to kill anyone (yet). * This troper and a ladyfriend he was busy seducing shared the dreaded Simultaneous Two-Person DeathGlare at a friend of hers who decided it'd be a nice time to break up the little liaison-in-the-works. * This troper({{Dark Lady Celebrian}})'s guardian, Lightning, is a master of this. You can tell how angry she is by looking at her eyes and how much she's narrowed them..at her angriest her eyes are basically just little slits. Lightning likes to brag about how you better run if her eyes start to narrow. There is a scene or two in her game where you can see her infamous narrow-eyed death glare as well, at its mildest. * This troper doesn't exactly have a death glare per se, considering the fact that I really don't know if it could be considered one at that. Actually there are two types of glares I am known for; the quizzical stare which I give when someone says something stupid and then there's the one where I have a psychotic/malicous light in my eyes as well as what could count as Technically a Smile. The latter one I have been giving off more and more which causes people to camly ask, "What the hell are you thinking and why should I not be worried at all?" * This troper has spent a large amount of time in JROTC and can tell you from having been on the business end of like 15 of these, that anyone in the military and JROTC who is in any position of power has developed a death stare capable of inducing a moderate form of paralysis in lower ranking soldiers/cadets. When I was still in the program, our SAI had one that made a car thief from TEXAS stop in his tracks and make a strange noise not unlike a dying cat. I even perfected one, which while not too potent is enough to scare the shit out of anyone who does not know him. (Works better if you are carrying a blunt object.) * This troper has sent complete strangers gibbering in asking for forgiveness with their Death Stare. * This troper really, really likes giving people death glares. When I'm bored, I look around for anyone staring in my general direction to glare down. It seems to work subconsciously, so the victims often end up looking terrified with no idea what just happened. I once gave a camera a death glare when my picture was being taken, and upon getting the picture back, recoiled in fear from being stared down by

''myself''. I also made an eyeball pin, and wear it on a daily basis, just so I can have three eyes to give people the death glare with (and if my actual eyes are busy, there's still one unblinking eye there to stare down anyone). And it works. * This troper was once being nagged about some inane thing by the stupidest teacher she has probably ever met, and while trying to assume a nonchalant look on the outside, imagined that her eyes were lasers, boring through the woman's head. The teacher actually turned around and asked her to stop, please. * Though not really a glare, this troper has been known to give a look that has frightened several friends and family members. And apparently this look is somewhat genetic because several women on my Mum's side have a death glare like this, too. * This Troper has very pale blue eyes. This seems to come in handy when she wants to perform an effective DeathGlare. Once, a particular classmate was being extremely irritating. My response was just to sit there, looking at her, for as long as I could without blinking. After about ten seconds of this, she was whimpering and hiding behind other students' desks. This incident was immensely satisfying. * This Troper isn't all that intimidating to first look at. I'm scrawny, pale, pretty much a wimp. I have a sharp tongue, but you wouldn't know it from looking at me. Well, I realized that I even HAD a death glare just this summer, during a festival. I was walking around with my friend, who mentioned that her ex-boyfriend might be walking around near us. I absolutely HATE her ex. And she knows it. I hated him from the first moment I met him. And the dislike was mutual, since he constantly threw insults at me. (Insults so vulgar, I wouldn't dare post them here.) However, my friend was still friends with her ex's sister. Eventually, we did run into him there, and since his sister was with them, she mostly ignored him and talked to his sister. I immediately recognized the situation and fixed him with a single, lingering glare that pretty much said "I still hate every last ounce of you." Cue to him excusing himself to go get a drink...and not coming back until I'd left. * This troper sadly slips into this often without noticing (parents never bothered correcting it) and has earned a lot of enemies this way despite being a [[NiceGuy ridiculously nice girl]](possibly to make up for all the death glaring? * So there's this girl at [[CaptHayfever my]] university who lives in the same building as me. I once unsuccessfully asked her out, but we remained friends. The rest of her GirlPosse, however, intensely distrusts me for no adequately explored reason & greets me with Death Glares whenever I encounter any of them. Normally I can shrug off things like that, but the frequency of triple-glares makes my friend totally unapproachable unless they aren't around. * DEFCON 1: At Sea Cadets Boot Camp, I was protesting to my company officer (he was present at the company commander, assistant company commander, and master-at-arms were somewhere else) about the behavior of my shipmate. What happen next was that he stormed over to me, stared me directly in the face (you know how it goes in the movies), and asked me if I was his drinking buddy. I said no. He said that, as

an officer, he demands to be treated with respect. I got my company extra PT (after another tongue-lashing from the boot camp coordinator, who basically said the same thing as the officer, except the ACC, CC, and MMA were present and we were at GQ). For the life of me, I doesn't remember saying anything offensive - I'm pretty sure the officer misheard me, probably thinking I said his first name or something or other, or maybe my choice of words (the entirety of which, I only remember saying "But-!" in an annoyed tone. Hmm.) * [[CorporealWolf This Troper]] supposedly has one. BlindingBangs, {{Evil Eye}}s and a nice SlasherSmile mix well. Strabismus causing my bangs to not affect my eyesight noticeably helps. * Mild example. [[{{Vendetta}} This troper]] has frightened children away with these while in a bad mood. * This troper's grandfather has what is not so much a DeathGlare as a "YouWouldntLikeMeWhenImAngry Look", peering sternly over the tops of his glasses. When we were younger, all of us kids were terrified of it. However, once we were old enough to wear glasses (everyone in my family starts needing glasses by the age of eight or twelve), we began imitating it, to the point of having DeathGlare Contests with [[BadassGrandpa Grandpa]], the winner being the one who managed to keep from laughing longest. [[TheStoic Grandpa]] always won. * Apparently [[{{MiraShio}} my]] DeathGlare is both menacing and adorable. * As told by [[{{Miso}} This Troper]] in the BigLippedAlligatorMoment troper tales page, her guitar teacher started randomly singing the 'One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other Thing' song from SesameStreet. Troper only shut him up using one of these, and the moment [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment has not been spoken of since.]] She also loves doing this to little kids to intentionally scare the fuck out of them. [[ChildHater It's]] [[NightmareFuelStationAttendant unbelievably fun.]] * This troper was once on the receiving end of a terrifying Death Glare at the hands (eyes?) of an otherwise [[NiceGuy kind, sweet girl]] who happens to hate him (or at least, did at the time). The Death Glare was prompted by a comment that was intended in a friendly, joking manner ("Oh, because ''Julianne'' moved it..."). The incident has since become famous among this troper's friends because of the [[OhCrap sheer terror]] it induced in him, how it highlights the girl's intense dislike of him, and how ''nice'' she is otherwise. * This troper's death glare apparently runs in the family. He can get just about anyone to back down, and strangely never gets the pitches about 'extended warranties'. His father has an equal glare, compounded by the fact that he's 6' 5" and built like a truck. Muggers would probably whimper an apology and walk away slowly. * This troper has a particularly funny one, or at least it's hilarious to the victim. It's so degrading. * Once this troper was walking through town and came across some idiot who was "busking" I put that in speech marks because all that he was doing was standing around shouting insulting things at people walking by (he still had a hat out for money for some reason). When I approached he started to sing at me (if you can call it that) "you're a dodgy bastard, you're a dodgy bastard!" I was tired and gave him a

death glare that immediately made him shut the hell up (perhaps that was because when I looked I imagined myself side kicking him in the face) and he stayed very, very quite for along time afterward, once I walked past I muttered under my breath "good for me." * I was just finishing up in the toilet when I heard a knock at the door. Quickly, I went to open it to see a [[BritishPoliticalSystem Labour Party]] canvasser. I do NOT like politicians. I didn't appreciate hurrying just so I can be greeted by this slick, friendly public face of a backstabbing powermonger. And I DEFINITELY didn't want to answer the door with my belt undone. Just as he started into his spiel, "Hi, I'm from the-" Glare. Slow shake of head. His winning smile slipped. "Did- did I disturb you?" Glare. "Um... uh... Sorry. Bye!" The funny part? I hadn't registered, so I couldn't have voted anyway. * {{Fishsicles}} here has a rather nasty one when provoked. [[MostAnnoyingSound Anything that beeps or rings]] is the traditional target (RingRingCRUNCH is a tad uncivilized), but it has been used on people in the past. [[{{Emoticon}} <,<]]. Considering my [[TheStoic normal]] [[MagnificentBastard demeanor]], and the fact that I accompany it with a variation of [[NeonGenesisEvangelion the Gendo pose]], I can understand why it frightens smal children. All I want to do now is figure out how to [[ScaryShinyGlasses make my glasses into a 128-alpha one-way mirror]]. * While watching his wedding video with the new wife and mother in law, I started giving it the MST3K Treatment. Dual Death Glares, to be sure. * I delivered a rather powerful death glare to a couple of my cousins at a recent family gathering after they wound up bouncing a big rubber ball right into my face, which then smacked my open laptop (mercifully unharmed). They got out an 'ohhhh... sorry' with wide eyes. I keep glaring and they ran up the stairs and I didn't see them again the whole time I was there. * This troper has one, and unleashes it when he [[TheDeterminator hits]] [[SuperpoweredEvilSide his]] [[TheStoic limit]], but his has NOTHING on a girl he knew from middle school, all the way through to graduation, who had a DeathGlare To End All Death Glares. When I'm not trying to kill people, I'm actually [[GeniusDitz very]] [[BoisterousBruiser entertaining]], but I'm not exactly... [[TooDumbToLive smart]], or [[ChivalrousPervert subtle]]. So naturally whenever I began with my usual schtick, I would of course say something mildly offensive around her and out come the claws. Oh, and this girl? [[TheOjou Tall, blonde, blue-eyed ballet dancer/violinist.]] ... Hey, I aim '''high'''. * During high school, this troper was once made a target of a game the jocks occasionally play to "celebrate one's birthday", essentially singing you a birthday song while they take a couple of cheap shots with their fists using a numerical advantage to make sure you can't properly retaliate (the fact that it was hardly ever the target's birthday didn't seem to bother them). For whatever reasons, I was in a fairly confrontational mood at the time, and rather then running away like most people targeted, I got up, slammed my fists toghether, switched to fighting stance, and put on an expression suggesting I was

getting ready to rip their thorats open with my bear hands (being rather tall, fit, and unshaved for a nerd helped). The next time I was targeted for that particular annoyance, I put on the same expression, and the initiating jock couldn't actually get anyone in the room to join him, allowing me to use him to practice a rather nasty choke hold. Since then, I began taking martial arts lessons (some of which just so happen to take place in a square at the center of town in plain view), and now many of them are afraid to do as much as look at me funny. * This Troper managed to look like someone just about standing up and killing everyone on the class photographs for the last four years of school. She manages to shut up every single student at her school, starting from the scary nerds up to the super cool footballer by one look which lead some guys to call her [[TheRing Samara]]. She admits, though, that she practiced the glare for three or four months in front of the mirror. But therefore it works perfectly. Especially if she looks at you under your pony. * This troper likes to greet his friends with these. Usually accompanied with a pointing finger and a growl of "YOU." * [[{{Kulboroa}} This Troper]] has often been told that his eyes seem to go from blue to black when he is angry; and has often been told "That look could kill." Although it has an amost 100% sucess rate in getting people to shut up, I can only do it when angry and never intentionally * This troper, due to being exactly the opposite of obese, combined with naturally sunken eyes, can achieve a death glare that actually made one of my classmates lose control of his bodily functions. I wasn't even trying. ** I also used it on a co-worker who was being a jerkass. Combined with a precision F strike, he suddenly switched to happy and cheerful and nice to the point where it started to be creepy. Fortunately (or not) this effect wore off overnight. I'm considering doing it again next time. * [[{{MidnightVelvet}} This Troper]]'s neutral expression ''is'' a death glare (considering his crazy eyes and inability to smile or frown), but it is especially prominent when he's pissed off to a considerable degree. Considering his "surrounded by idiots" mentality (which ''is'' partially justified), this is fairly often. * This troper loathes it when people steal her hats, and when a (doomed) young man innocently decided that a great way to get her attention was to do just that and then run away, laughing, she decided to get into a habit of practicing a through-the-eyebrows [[DeathGlare Death Glare]]/[[SlasherSmile Slasher Smile]] combo in the bathroom mirror every morning. She perfected it. Nowadays, no one takes her hat after just one time on the receiving end. * This troper is infamous for them, and once made someone fall over backwards with one. I'm deadly serious. * This teenage troper dislikes going out. It's aggravating enough to have to go to a therapist every other week even though she said this troper might not need it anymore (it's required to get her ADHD meds), but if her ditzy mother winds up taking her on the wrong day/at the wrong time (it's happened) and the therapist can't just see us then

(again, it's happened), this troper will turn her head Exorcist-style and give her mother one of these looks. She's also developing a habit of giving her mother one of these every time her mother interrupts her while she's talking (which happens a ''lot'') * When this troper gets in an ill mood, he gets a DeathGlare. It really pisses his mum off when she's on the receiving end. Also, I once did it to a customer who lost his temper at me. he told me "If you glare at me again, You'll regret it." I told him if he threatened me again, I'd call the cops. * This troper has a permanent DeathGlare regardless of her mood (she's usually pretty happy or at least neutral). She really, really, ''really'' does not want it and is trying to offset it with haircuts and makeup. * I'm the kind of people to avoid eye contact... usually. When I'm annoyed, sad, or plain angry, I'll be constantly using DeathGlares to make the people in front of me back off, often with successful results. As an example, I spend around 6 hours in a day helping someone moving house - carrying heavy things, and just at the end, a heavy box falls... Lucky as I always am, it falls on my foot. And I see my stepbrother howling in laughter. I slowly face him and glare him to death while saying calmly "Is there something funny or are you just laughing to yourself ?" He answered "I was laughing to myself, of course... !" in a very nervous voice. Of course, I'm a TechnicalPacifist who (almost) never loses his cool, but he didn't know that ! ** Another example. I was in vacation at my father's house, and was going to return to my mother's next day. Then my step-cousin arrives and tells me "So you're leaving tomorrow, heh ?" I simply answer "Yes." in a tone that means "what about it ?" and look into her eyes intensely. She simply laughs nervously and exits the room quickly. Yeah, I do those quite often ** [[tropers/Mousy677 This troper's]] way of telling people that she's pissed with them [[UnstoppableRage (unless she's really, amazingly, murderously pissed)]] is to stare, unblinkingly at them. I can keep this up for up to ten minutes, and, even if that person looks down, I keep it up so that when they look up again, there's a creepy girl about a foot taller than them (short year, huge me) wearing a [[BadassLongcoat black trenchcoat]] staring unblinkingly at them. It has actually caused... let's see now... seven people to run away from me. Hah. * This Troper is a nice, shy girl who rarely is seen pissed off.But try.The strongest mind of my family, my uncle, froze in fear, and after that he always says that "the girl was possessed". * This Troper is incapable of performing her Death Glare on cue. However, she does have a look of evil for said circumstances, which basically implies that the victim is reaching a level of unprecedented stupidity. Her actual Death Glare is... well, my family members are immune to it, apparently, and they're really the only people that tick me off to the extent that I end up using it. So I don't know if it's terrifying or not. * This troper has studied animals, under the belief that humans are just as animal as they. Monkeys don't smile, they just show their

teeth. It's a "go away now or I'll hurt you" look. So my Death Glare is raising my eyebrows slightly to show a little white above my eye, and smiling without moving any muscles other then my mouth. What people end up seeing is someone smiling at them. But what their brain is seeing is, "HOLYSHITHESGONNAEATUSRUNRUNNOW!" It doubly helps that I'm normally a very polite but reserved person. * This 13 year-old Troper practiced the Death Glare as a child. After trying to figure out the best way to add a bit of flair to hers, she thought she could contract her pupils. Her default face is always semi-lidded, pupils enlarged to almost cover the iris, to convey that [[DeathNote L-esque]] look in her eyes. The fact that her eye colour is almost inderterminable (it really depends on the lighting, but they tend to look like light shades of blue, grey, or green) adds to the effect. Once she puts on the Death Glare, the light hits her pupils like a ton of bricks, and they shrink dramatically. The [[FourEyesZeroSoul Glasses]] definitely help out a bit. She has used this glare to its full effect, and shows no signs of stopping. A [[CreepyChild child]] staring at you with such intense hatred, added effect of [[ScaryShinyGlasses Scary Shiny Glasses]], plus not being able to accurately describe them? * This troper's friends now joke that her Death Glare can kill people. Also, people complain that I am "shredding their soul" with my eyes. Compounded by the fact that if I can't keep a straight face I give a Slasher Smile. Also, TT's eyes are either yellow-amber or green so they glow if sunlight hits them and you can see the pupils contract. I have had peoeple run away. Let's also mention that I am small, delicate looking girl and look very sweet and cute, so the Glare of Death takes people by surprise. * This Troper is a really nice person... but I can give a DeathGlare like no one else. I have a 6'2" male friend who is a black belt in karate and jujitsu, and I can make him cower. It helps that mom is a teacher, dad is a soldier, and I'm the oldest of four. ^_^ * When agitated, this troper (Thexare) can have a very effective Death Glare. Not only has it, without fail, gotten a four year old cousin to stop misbehaving, it has worked on a young screaming child he has never seen before (somewhere in the 2-3 year old range) - the kid was dead silent for the next fifteen minutes. Sadly, it's not very reliable, and it doesn't work on adults very often. * This troper, like many on this page, can't do a [[DeathGlare Death Glare]] on cue. I tend to be the quiet person in the back of the room that just wants to be left alone. So one day during my senior year in high school I'm in my English class (which I hated with a passion) and I go up to the front of the room to make a presentation for something, when this kid that sat in the front of the class who I barely knew, cheered out encouragement to me in a kind of annoying manner. I was apparently in a bad mood that day, because I shot him a glare that made him recoil and shut up. As I was walking back to my seat when I was finished with my presentation, I heard him mutter to the person next to him "She stared into my soul man...". I was more proud of getting that reaction out of him than getting through my presentation. * This troper has always been a quieter, more stoic kid. I've never felt particularly angry or anything like that, but ever since third

grade, people have been asking me if something's wrong, because I look like I'm "about to kill someone". * I was once in an improv class when somebody made a reference to Monty Python, and a classmate said they'd never heard of it. Do you know anyone whose DeathGlare has caused about half an improv class to approach him as if he were about to eat a classmate's liver? Other than me, of course. (In truth, I wasn't feeling murderous, just incredulous. Honestly, who the hell signs up for a comedy class without having heard of the classics?) * My BFF can do a quite effective DeathGlare, and it works best when she's tired. But if she's tired, she's not even aware that she's doing it half the time. One time when were 11, and we'd stayed up all night, we were staring at this teen boys who were acting like idiots. They looked up. They saw me. They saw my BFF. They shut up instantly. * Whenever this troper is thinking of something is (in his mind) serious, such as the climax of a plotline in one of his fanfics, he unconsciously adopts this look. I actually had a girl walk up to me and ask me what I was angry about (at the time I was planning out a battle close to the end of a ''{{Pokemon}}'' story I'm writing, where the protagonist is battling Cynthia.) * Some of my favorite moments in life has been seeing people do what they assume is a 'death glare' and laughing directly in their face. Almost no one can pull this off, but 99% of people think they can. So... uh, this would be a subversion? Although, some people can do it as very specific moments when they're dangerous. My dad once did this in the dark. Only one, but he gets points for doing it with almost zero lighting. I think the biggest part of the death glare is the circumstances in which it is given. * This troper cannot do the glare on cue. But she, as well as her mother and brother, has a very effective glare when she's pissed. Someone directly pointed out that I have what she refered to as the "Family Glare" (well, substitute the word family for this Troper's last name.) I insisted I didn't know what she was talking about, but she kept pestering me about it and I got kind of mad... At which point she yelled "Aaaah, there it is!" And afterwards immediately clammed up. * This lil' troper is usually fun and bubbly, but when mad is extremely quiet. Death Glares from this 15 year old troper have been known to freeze three full grown Seniors looking for trouble in their tracks. The addition of a raised eyebrow had them hightailing it out of there. * I've been told I have a Death Glare. At my last regular job, any time a certain bigwig was scheduled to show, I was told to take a day off because after the DG I gave him at our first encounter, they were afraid I would haul off and deck him. (He shouldn't have called me "sweetie". Especially not in THAT tone of voice.) On another occassion, I was walking home from work after a Bad Day. It was drizzling and cold, and I was aching all over, and I was close to the end of a three mile walk. Cue the drunk fratboy types, who start to laugh and head toward me. I don't stop walking, but my hand clenches around my walking stick (5+ feet of rock maple) and I slowly lift my head and LOOK at them. They freeze, and one of them says, "Holy shit,

she's gonna kick our ass!" They take off in another direction at speed, and I smile all the way home. * The most effective DeathGlare [[Tropers/SabresEdge this troper]] has ever felt the effects of was from his 11th-grade AP English teacher. It wasn't so much an angry, I'll-kick-your-ass glare as a level, unamused stare that had the side effect of making the target's soul wither and die inside of them. * This troper is quite TheStoic, and his DeathGlare is thus as dispassionate as a DeathGlare can be. When he doesn't want to be bothered, for any reason, he will simply look at those who bother him/stand in his way/hurt him with an empty, cold and bored look (picture yourself Ulquiorra from {{Bleach}}) that means ''"You're not even worth to face my wrath... but don't push it."'' It works... pretty well, to say the least. * [[{{Tropers/Ekuran}} This Troper]] does this unintentionally. People can't stand eye contact with me for more than a few seconds, as they usually tell me in some manner that I give the 'Gonna kill you and enjoy it' look. I've tried making it less so, since it's kind of shitty for picking up girls...and having any conversation for that matter. * This troper can only do a decent one when she's in the grip of TranquilFury. If she tries at any other time, she just manages to look like she either has a migraine or is smelling something she doesn't like. * This troper's brother has a middle school teacher who is immortal for his death glares. If a student misbehaves, he spends the remainder of the class staring murderously, probably unblinkingly, at him or her, even at the expense of writing on the board turned away from it. * I'm not sure if cats have any other way of looking but the death glare. Sure, they might hesitate while you're awake and have access to weapons, but they'll give you the look anyway and bide their time. Then one night, you wake up to her staring at your neck, stalking at your artery, and you can't be sure that if you hadn't woken up she wouldn't have torn your neck apart like the exceptionally expensive furniture you bought because you thought the toys would distract her enough so she wouldn't scratch the furniture. You were wrong in the latter case, how can you be sure about this one? Once she realises you've woken up, she'll give you the ''look'' again. Perpetually. Until she finally succeeds. Evil bastard. ** I suppose this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, because otherwise you appear to be not only paranoid as hell but also afraid of animals that are genuinely harmless (assuming your cat isn't psychotically agressive). The reason cats appear to give humans Death Glares is because ''[[StarfishLanguage that is the way they always look at things]]'' -- including you. If they're also opening and closing their eyes slowly when they look at you like that they are actually telling you '''they love you'''. * This troper ([[Tropers/{{Seiryu}}]] Seiryu]]) ''can'' do the death glare on demand, but I chose not to. I think of it as the facial expression of a PrecisionFStrike; when it's used, people take it seriously. It helps that I have pretty good vocal control, and know several lines that can seriously help accent the glare. Namely,

[[{{Firefly}} "Is that the direction you want this conversation to go?"]] * [[{{MegaSpiderMan}} This Troper]] has found that he has a VERY intimidating mess-with-me-and-I'll-hit-you look. I just haven't found the time and place to actually use it effictively. * [[{{Crusador}} This Troper]] believes that he inherits this little trope from my mother's side of the family. My mother and a few of her siblings already possess a commanding presence of authority. Especially my mom, since she has very short fuse. As for me? I'm not like her; I can get frustrated at times, but never angry. Enough provocation, however, and I seem to play this trope straight. For example, I know a former "acquaintance" of mine who at first, was quite [[BitchInSheepsClothing amiable has turned out to be quite a dick]]. Normally, I would not be too bothered by misanthropic tendencies and eventually move on with life like I never met the guy in the first place. Not so in this guy's case; You see, we're both students at our college, have similar majors, and use mostly the same facilities, so I am bound to see him frequently, with the biggest difference being that I do not live in the school's dorms, but in an apartment JUST outside of the school. I did nothing to earn this guy's disdain, but for whatever reason, he decides to make me his verbal punching bag, try to turn friends we both have in common against me, and muscle me out of facilities (Especially the public game room in the dorms that is open to ALL students, dorm residents or no) that he feels entitled to use instead of a non-resident who is "mooching". I could only deal with his antics for so long before tiring of it and very kindly telling him that I've enough, using both this trope, and the [[ReasonYouSuckSpeech Reason You Suck Speech]]. Now mind you, he's taller than me and appears to be more built, but even without seeing his strength, I know that he is only a [[SmugSnake coward holding up a self-righteous and haughty facade]]. As for me? I'm an unassuming 5'7 with no real background in Martial Arts training, but I have the build and temperament to handle an actual fight, and knowledge in both techniques and areas where to apply force on the human body. In spite of all this, and me very clearly establishing that it is in his best interest to not [[BewareTheNiceOnes provoke me]], he still continues to be a self-entitled douchebag, only this time continuing his acts if he could very easily get away with it and has something to gain from it all. [[BullyingADragon He still is pushing his luck though.]], as I have hinted to him that I've had ALOT of opportunities to hurt him both verbally and physically, and came close on multiple occasions. * This troper knew a guy who *could* do it on cue. I'd walk up with a cheerful smile and say something like, "Good morning! Disapproving Glare!!!" and he'd pin me with a death glare, no matter what mood he was in. I'd still be intimidated even though I knew he was doing it on cue. Bonus intimidation if I actually was interrupting whatever he was doing. Though sometimes he couldn't maintain it for more than a few seconds as we'd both dissolve into laughter. * This she-Troper apparently fails at pulling these off, although there are different names for them. Heard a DeathGlare be called "Crusties"...although said she-Troper prefers "pulling a Medusa." * This new Troper just got to be known for the sole purpose of sharing

his one single "true" Deathglare, the certified version: It was classes (German) and some schoolmate was making fun of how I would totally love to to this particular task (which I wasn't reluctant to do in general, just that guy was annoying me to hell and beyond that time). When our teacher (an otherwise great one and up to date still one of the few teachers I genuine like) picked right on that one, the deed happened. To picture it: I was sitting at the long side of the room, vertically from the teachers point of view, having my gaze (tried Deathglare!) focused on said schoolmate. My head was resting in my palm, whose rest of the arm again was resting with the elbow on the table, effectively almost sealing my face from my teachers sight with only the glimps of my eyes being visible to him. The gaze itself was already enough to unease said schoolmate, but when the teacher came with: "Ja, eine nette Idee. Was halten sie davon uns dies einmal vorzufhren Herr Jakob? / Yes, a nice idea. What do think about showing us Mr. Jakob?". I simply turned my gaze from the schoolmate towards the teacher, practically "overturning" them to look in his eyes with the feeling of "Not you too" and was somewhat surprised for my teacher backing down and even telling "Whoa, habt ihr diesen Blick gesehen? Purer Hass sage ich euch, purer Hass! / Whoa, did you see that look? Pure hatred I tell you, pure hatred!" Ironically, we became to understand us better since that moment. * This troper does this unintentionally. She rarely shows emotion, and is sleep-deprived, so her eyes are half lidded almost all the time. She has often caused people to back away slightly by unintentionally glaring at them. Ironically, this troper is very shy, a bookworm, and very nice once she gets over her shyness. * This troper, when in a particularly bad mood, can create these easily. Sadly, by this point, he is usually considering murder, so training himself to do these normally would be impractical, as my friends would have to make me want to kill them and take a picture of my face just so I could practice, but I'd probably be too angry to sit still long enough for them to take said picture. * [[{{Tropers/Ventisia}} This Troper's]] friend does this to people all the time. Problem is, this friend is easily offended, so I can never tell whether she's actually mad or not. :| * This Troper has incredibly dark brown eyes that are unnervingly shiny and terrifying at the right angles. For example, if I look down with my face then look up with my eyes, I look like I've been possessed by the devil. I've terrified many a friend this way, and can't even look at one of them properly anymore without her accusing me of giving her the death glare. * This troper has both a very heavy brow AND natural villian eyebrows, the combination of which has given him the ability to perform a death glare so effectively chilling that he's become rather renowned for it. Unaware peers have gone up to him and requested it, and promptly turned around and walked away, heavily shaken, never to ask for it (or provoke it) ever again. * This troper has two adorable little bunny rabbits. She also has a cat. The rabbits are kept separate from the cat, because she tries to chase them. One day while the bunnies were being fed, the cat went

into the room, hopped into the pen containing the larger of the two, and went to hide in a basket we put in there for him to use as a makeshift burrow. He stopped what he was doing (which was eating), turned around, flattened his ears, narrowed his eyes, and GLARED. She quietly got up, hopped out of the pen, and left the room. * This troper is a non-commissioned officer in the US Army. I'm not very intimidating at all, and I almost always have a smile on face. My soldiers long ago learned that if they do something that causes me to lose that smile, my death glare will mealt their souls. * Whenever this troper is pissed of, I give people(mom, friends, etc) a death glare. I'm quite famous for it actually. * This troper is know to be somewhat of a sore looser so naturally when a friend started acting all smug during a three way {{Magic The Gathering}} game she became a [[{{Understatement}} little]] ticked off and produced what her friends described as the most frightening death glare they had ever seen. They were both rather wary of sleeping in the same tent that night... It becomes rather funny when one considers this troper is barely 5'2" and both my friends are around 5'8" =D. * [[Tropers/OriginalHobbit I]] am a DeathGlare expert. Often times all I have to do to get people to listen to me is give them a serious DeathGlare. I've even had most of my friends tell me not to give them "the look" because it makes them feel guilty or scared. I'm thinking of even testing it over the phone, to see if people can tell I'm doing it. * This troper has a real death glare all the time, when relaxed, when happy, when joking, a friend of mine is constantly telling me "god you look like youre gonna kill someone", and then when the real death glare comes out, people start running away. * This troper is immune to them for the most part. Mainly because he's able to read the mood of the situation and is a problem solver. If the death glare is because I told a joke I'll just [[RefugeInAudacity shrug and grin, inordinately pleased with myself]], if it's because the situation is serious I'll just tell them to [[QuitYourWhining snap out of it]] [[RousingSpeech and help me]] [[DareToBeBadass fix the damn mess]]. * This troper's mother has a withering death glare developed over twenty years of teaching. His older sister agrees that the "Look", as they call it, is still terrifying after all these years. For the record, this troper and his sister are 22 and 32 years old, respectively. * At my college Wind Ensemble concert, during the Battle Hymn Republic, our snare drum player forgot that the conductor adding in triplets a measure earlier than they were supposed to appear, so I was the only one playing them (on timpani). The snare player then tried to catch up and rushed her triplets, which messed me up too. The conductor shot the snare player a horrifying DeathGlare. * This tropette usually gets what she wants via CutenessProximity. She uses a PsychoticSmirk if she wants to make someone nervous (Both are usually directed at her [[MasterOfTheMixedMessage long-suffering]] [[UnderstandingBoyfriend boyfriend]]). The last time she remembers genuinely remembers DeathGlaring at someone was in a study hall in the beginning of her sophomore year of high-school. She was talking with

said boyfriend about some of her favorite fantastic creatures and legends. Among them, [[OurBansheesAreLouder banshees]]. The minute the word "Irish" left this 5'3" and [[FieryRedhead very, very ginger]] tropette's mouth, some idiots in one back corner of the classroom started laughing about, and asking if I was, a leprechaun (This joke has been directed at her quite often. These boys just had the pleasure of using them on the [[UnderStatement wrong day]]). I replied with a rather icy, "No, actually, we're talking about banshees, which are a bit different." One boy remarks that they can't be different since everyone in Ireland is a leprechaun. I stiffen, [[GenreSavvy my boyfriend has started silently praying for death]] and I turn to the boys with an absolutely scorching DeathGlare, very quietly explaining exactly what a banshee is, and what they do... with some [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel embellishments]] [[ArtisticLicense added for flavor]]. The leprechaun jokes stopped. Immediately. ---Go. Back. To. [[DeathGlare Death. Glare.]] '''NOW.''' ----

DecemberDecemberRomance * Parodied, somehow, in real life. My mom's "great uncle" Jackande my father's mother were talking at a family meeting. The exchange seemed like a married couple already, so my mother/father/sister and I think that it's a December December Romance. --> '''Jack''': So how old are you? 93? --> '''Grandma''': Well that's not very polite! --> '''Jack''': Could be worse. I would've said 94! * Not something that happened to me personally, but in one of my playthroughs of [[http://www.playalterego.com/ Alter Ego]]. I made a number of attempts at romance, but pretty much everyone I met was a cheating whore. Eventually, I got fed up with this and just gave up trying to find someone... until old age, when I figured I'd give it one more shot. The woman I met was a widow, which I suppose is to be expected for someone of that age who's available. She had a fun personality, and eventually I decided to propose to her. To my great relief, she accepted. However, before we got to planning the wedding, my doctor told me that I had certain troubling medical issues that would be best addressed by surgery. The moment after I clicked the button to go through with the surgery, I died of complications on the operating table. I was immediately confronted with the tragedy of a man who found love after decades of fruitless searching, and a woman who found love after, I think, having lost hope of ever having it again, only for this love to be destroyed the very next instant. * When my grandma was younger, she was in love with a young man, but he happened to be of a different denomination than her (she was strictly Catholic), so their families opposed their relationship. She was sent away to school, and the nuns held back the letters that he sent her. So, they had to forget each other; she met and married my grandpa, and her former lover married as well, and they didn't hear

any more from each other for decades. Then, my grandpa died of cancer at a relatively young age. When my grandma was old, her former lover reconnected with her; they rekindled their relationship and got married, and he became part of the family, becoming like a second grandpa to her grandchildren (as many of us grandkids didn't get to meet our biological grandfather). Tragically, he died not too long afterwards of cancer. :( Such a sad story, as he was a lovely man, and they were really happy together. Strange how life can resemble fiction at times. * My biological grandfather and my step-gradmother met at a hospital (they were both in their 50s) where both of their spouses died of cancer. They started dating after a while, and eventually married. Since I never knew my biological grandmother, it took me a while to realize that my step-grandmother was, well, my step-grandmother. And I wouldn't want it any other way. ----

DeceptivelySillyTitle * This troper worked on a play titled "Everybody Poops But You". It was about a robot in high school, and the writers and directors were prominent members of a sketch comedy group. People were surprised when it turned out to be a character drama.

DecidedByOneVote * This happened to me when I was on my school's Sixth Form Committee. It was a fairly small committee so most of the posts were uncontested, but there were two candidates for president. One was a good friend, but the other one seemed to be a bit more serious about the job, so it was a tough decision. In the end I voted for my friend, figuring it would be a chance for her to prove herself, and she won by 11 votes to 10. Afterwards, I discovered that my sister and a friend of hers had both favoured the other candidate, but had not bothered to show up for the vote because they thought their candidate would have an easy win.

DefeatByModesty * [[{{Vorpy}} This Troper]] was subjected to this trope during a fight at school. Add Humiliation with sexual jeering and my expensive clothes being ruined, there was no way I wanted to continue. Don't fight at school kids, especially as a girl. ** This is why [[{{Phrederic}} I]] always [[FlungClothing rip]] my shirt [[ShirtlessScene off]] ''before'' a fight, plus it throws your opponent off. * [[ThisTroper This Troper]] enjoyed a similar happening at his highschool's spring festival once. One of the taller, prissy girls in my year had begun picking on a girl in a lower year over just about anything from what she was wearing to her [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean size]] and so on, with a little crowd watching as prissy-bitch continued on louder and louder. Cue the small girl finally losing her temper, giving prissy-bitch a shove, the motion catching prissy's pink

sundress on a locker hook/handle, and down went the prissy-bitch to the floor with her dress in tatters left quite behind. I don't believe the prissy-bitch was in school for the rest of the week...but none of us forgot her taste in black lace thongs.

DefeatMeansFriendship * This troper always has someone who hates him, never for any reason. Once he ends up with them in an unbreakable lock on the floor, he doesn't quite become friends with them, but they never mess with him again. Ever. ** BJJ? * In high school, one kid had something against this troper, and eventually attacked him. After the fight (such as it was), we didn't become friends, but he did become somewhat friendly toward the troper. * An emotional version of this was common in several of this troper's childhood relationships. The new kid gets treated a bit harshly to see how they react, and after the conflict is over (sometimes they fight back, sometimes they don't), they're a friend. Participating in this sort of ribbing is a sign of friendship and goodwill in itself. * Avoided by this troper (rather sociopathically, in hindsight) after a fight in high school by insisting that since his opponent was still alive, the fight was a draw rather than an outright win. Let's just say that this troper's opponent was not the kind of person he wanted hanging around. * In middle school PE, we used to play [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin two ball soccer]]. All the teams were usually split up with one jock team (school athletes), three teams of average guys, and a team of nerds. I was part of the nerds team most of the time. We'd usually lose, but one day, we started winning. I scored two goals, and unlike the other nerds, I wasn't afraid to play physically. One day, one of the teams of average kids (that me and my team of nerds beat earlier that day) came up to me and told me to stop playing physically. My answer: "If you don't want me to play physically against you, put me on your team". The next day, I joined that average kids team, and we beat the jocks for the first time, and they never defeated us during the rest of the school year. * This troper punched a female friend's ex-boyfriend after he said something particularly nasty. He's now one of her closest male friends. The female friend has grown distant and un-friendly. * This troper choked a girl until she turned blue. The roly-poly-ness of my usual self and my heartfelt apology in my weird stoic-comedian way made her melt. And consider going lesbian, apparently, due to some uncomfortably long hugs. Even to PyroSkittle the Hugglerizor, they were uncomfortable. * This seems to be [[{{Cliche}} this troper's]] strategy game playing style. If he is at war with another civilization, he will mercilessly capture/destroy his opponent's cities until said opponent surrenders. Typically, we usually get along just fine afterwards, maybe even forming a friendly alliance, unless something disrupts this truce into hostility again. Of course, the other option is complete genocide. * This Tropers best friends in a nut shell. When they met they hated

each other but liked me. Eventually the friend I had longest pissed off the new friend leading to him chasing the offender down (being the lazy ass I am I didn't bother following) eventually leading to the new friend FLY KICKING THE OTHER IN THE BACK. They've been best mates ever since. ** Shit, are you [[EtherealFrog this troper's]] best friend? I had the same sort of thing. The other guy was unable to walk for the next 30 minutes and stayed home the next day. The teacher came in about 15 minutes after he was kicked, but we both have a WeirdnessCoupon. Although, we were all friends for the previous 3 years, so I suppose it doesn't really apply. * When is troper was a kid he was often bullied by many other boys until he got sick of it and beat them up, eventually most of those bullies ended up becoming my friends. * [[EddieVanHelsing This troper]] once dealt with a bully who attempted to invoke this trope by beating him up a second time. As the bully lay bleeding on the floor, this troper said, "We are still enemies. The only difference between then and now is that you are no longer a threat to me." * Inverted: When [[{{Specialist290}} Yours Truly]] was still big on UrbanDead, he was once headshotted at a revive point while waiting on a revive. Due to a rather convoluted set of circumstances, he ended up recruiting the guy into [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits the group he was part of]]. * This Troper, in a game of MaidRPG, my character (A Robot Assassin (long story)) defeats the Russian cross-dresser (longer story) in a match of skeet. The Russian proceeds to shoot her, but is eventualy almost killed, until a third partner intervene. The Russian now considers the robot his rival, and they have had numorous scenes of rivalry, AKA friendly competitive activities. * This silent hellraiser got to know his first friend, John, this way. He is rather tall and broad for a 12-year old boy. Sometimes pretty clumsy, but still hits hard as hell. I'm quite short and scrawny - yet all the more quick-moved and fiercer for it. Throw in an argument and a few stupid slanders. What ensues is one hell of a fight. Ouch, just recalling it makes my body ache all over. Both learned a lesson the hard way... we also got '''six hours of detention''', which is said to be a record in our school. A week later we laugh at the whole thing as we find more and more in common. * My best friend and I started out this way in our Sophomore year of high-school. We hated each other's guts, but we tolerated each other because we were both friends of a girl (Both of us guys, he had a bit of a crush on her, I was already taken.) We never got into an actual fight, I don't think, but there were plenty of the verbal kinds. Now we're practically inseperable; We actively acknowledge each other as brothers. * Sixth grade was an interesting year for me. I fought wayyyy too much, and ended up becoming somewhat friendly with most of the people I fought with. * Not a 'physical' example, but... This troper lost most of her stationery to a girl at school, who would also inflict pain on her

every once in a while. Then the teacher announced that she was going to add an art section to the class bulletin board. Both of them were good at drawing. This troper won, and the other girl was impressed. Now we're best friends. * An unorthodox example occured with this troper and Series/DoctorWho. For a while she had been avoiding the show, partly due to HypeAversion and not really thinking why it should appeal to her. Then one day she watched "[[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/DoctorWhoS31E04TheTimeO fAngels The Time Of Angels]]" with a friend and it was the [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel only thing ''ever'']] to make her need to sleep with the lights on and generally freak her out so much that nightmares followed. She decided to track down the show and watch it. It is now her favourite show and the Weeping Angels are her favourite monster. * My best friend and I used to work together. On our first night out he was...a bit abrasive and we came to blows. Afterwards, we were inseparable. This is actually quite common in male relationships. Despite society's blanket disapproval of violence, there is evidence that fighting is actually hardwired into male psychology and social interaction...like in most mammalian social groupings. Can't comment on women though. * This troper met his best friend when playing against a rival hockey team in college. He checked me hard and in the process had dislocated my shoulder. I broke four of his ribs. We've been inseparable ever since. * In a PE lesson the teacher jokingly suggested we do sprint training. Completely Missing the Point, I said "That'd be awesome!" He thought I was being a smart-ass and made the whole class run like hell for the whole lesson, people were dropping off and giving up throughout, the teacher saying "Remember to thank [This Troper] for these laps! Because he loves it!]" Everyone got all pissed at me, but by the end I was the only person who hadn't dropped off or even stopped at all. I had earned this teacher's respect after that and now we're all chummy. It's pretty funny when you think about it. * This is how I made most of my friends in school. It's also the story of how me and my soulmate met. I didn't defeat him, but I did end a fight between him and another guy on an internet forum by coming up with a compromise. But if it wasn't for that fight I never would have noticed him. * My best friend in elementary school and I became friends thanks to this. I ended up not being sure about who won that fight ([[TheRashomon I don't really remember, but she says I lost and started to cry, which made her confort me...that must be bullshit]]), but the truth is that, after the incident, we were BFF. * In a d20 Modern, Urban Arcana Campaign, our party was ambushed by a gang of kobolds, taking a surprise round and failing initiative. Unfortunately, [[CurbStompBattle the DM had drastically overestimated their effectiveness]], and every attack on us failed, quickly turning an {{OhCrap}} into {{MyGodYouAreSerious}}. When our turn finally came, the team's [[TheLadette girl]] [[MightyGlacier bruiser]], named [[NorseMythology Sigurd]], [[GroinAttack kicked one in the groin]],

[[OneHitKO instantly dropping it to negative HP]], threw it in her car and simply left the battlefield with the rest of the party. The Kobold, now her prisoner, mentally declared her to be some sort of warrior goddess and followed the party for the rest of the campaign, leading up to this line: --> '''Sigurd:''' "So I kicked him in the groin so hard he passed out, and then I took him home and handcuffed him to my kitchen table. [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking And then I fed him chicken.]] [[DefeatMeansFriendship And now he thinks I'm awesome.]] [[LampshadeHanging I don't know how that works.]]" * This troper got into a fight with a boy who he barely knew in school. Now they are close friends. * This is how things work for this troper's [[WeaponsOfTheGods Weapons of the Gods]] character. All his followers and friends (save the other [=PCs=]) are people he defeated in combat and impressed so much that they swore loyalty to him afterwards. ---Now that that's over, let's go back to DefeatMeansFriendship, ol' friend. :-) ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DefenestrateAndBerate * This Troper's aunt gladly recalls the time a Job Corps staff tossed a Tandy (a $9000 machine!) out a window in frustration, and ended up trying in vain to fix it. ** Ask anyone on the ''{{Achaea}}'' forums what happened to Cain's laptop. (Apparently he beat it up first.) * This Troper's ex girlfriend destroyed a picture of another woman (with whom the troper had never had a sexual relationship, and had last seen her years ago) while taking her belongings from his flat. No biggie, but the narrative dropped the anvil never to trust your flat to a ClingyJealousGirl. * This wouldn't count as defenestration, but when I was in Year 5, rumours were spreading round that a particularly mean teacher had thrown a dictionary at a student's head and then started yelling at him! Luckily, it missed. ** A teacher at this troper's schools regularly throws things through the window, granted, it faces a garden and we're in the first floor, and most of the time it's justified since the object that is normaly flinged is the cause, but becomes hilarious when an I-phone was thrwon out and several classmates asked to go to the bathroom simultaneously. * When [[{{Insegredious}} this troper]] was in high school, he heard a story about a classmate in an AP Calculus class: the student was playing games on his graphing calculator, when all of a sudden the teacher grabbed it, erased the memory, and handed it back. When the student started going through it to see if any of his games had been spared, the teacher said to put the calculator away "[[CrowningMomentOfFunny before it turns into Super Calculator and flies out the window]]". * ''Frostsabre.'' Zigzagged to the point that that was added to my

list of ArcWords. There was ''always'' someone in my A.P. Euro class that this troper's classmate wishes to defenestrate but couldn't since the windows were too small and opened inward. Even I didn't know defenestration deserved its own TVTropes page. ---Now go get your [[DefenestrateAndBerate trope]] off the ground. <<|TroperTales|>>

DefensiveFeintTrap * Tropers/{{JET73L}} does this almost constantly in ''VideoGame/Mabinogi'', mostly with dungeon bosses and their underlings thanks to all of the convenient corners and door frames that the pathfinders take a while to compensate for. Since MP regenerates, and the troper plays a RedMage, this makes it possible to defeat any dungeon boss with enough patience, projectile range, and walls, and little enough difference in speed. Painfully subverted a number of times when, for example, one of the other zombie creatures take notice of the spell or the PC trips over the troper's cursor, but [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome awesomely]] (and luckily) subverted when fighting a [[LawOfChromaticSuperiority red]] grizzly bear along [[ArtificialStupidity the edge of its territory]] [[[CatchPhrase not associated with]] ChainBear], wandering too close while low on MP and being tripped up to lose control of the queued spell castings, [[OhCrap realizing too late that the sword had been unequipped]], and getting ''just'' enough of a critical on the series of barehanded, melee {{Desperation Attack}}s to defeat the bear. It was a good day to not die. * Standard RTS tactic for [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] in games possible, providing that the defensive buildings used in such a tactic can handle the enemy. Keeps more of your troops alive for later if you're good. Also good if a few anti-ground capable air units are parked nearby, [[{{VideoGameCrueltyPotential}} and are employed against those of the enemy's forces that can't shoot them back]]... * I've done a variant a few times in arguments, letting my opposite get angry enough to say something stupid that makes him look like an ass or destroys his credibility, sometimes bringing up something that makes them uncomfortable (such as a bad deed they're hiding) to get them defensive and angry. You can also use a similar variant for catching liars and then showing off their lie to everyone around, or for neurotic people, making something that seems like a mistake that they would rush to point out then revealing the truth and seeing how they react. These tactics work a lot better when the person is actually in the wrong. If someone tries this on you to bury a lie or injustice, play it really really cool until they snap, then if you're lucky you can turn it back on them, or at least make them look like an ass. It can also be an effective way of exposing a troll, not really reacting until they get annoyed and show their work to get you to notice them (such as one idiot who openly declared he bought the game just to annoy people and that he had kept the receipt to prove it, thus getting his review removed).

* You can do this in martial arts. If you're willing to take a risk a slightly lower defense, fight with your arms down, or at an off stance, or make "mistakes" like attacking to wide when it doesn't leave you vulnerable, then strike when your opponent underestimates you or is off guard. If you DO make a mistake sometimes you can immediately counter simply because they're thinking you screwed up (e.g. if you kick in a predictable fashion and they catch your leg, you can strike their chest if you're fast enough). ---There are too few media examples to remain here safely. [[DefensiveFeintTrap Retreat to the main trope page]]! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DefrostingIceQueen * [[{{Alrune}} This troper]]'s best friend used to be a real bitch to men and usually NotGoodWithPeople, often seen as insensitive or confrontational. Or just, you know, [[JerkAss a bitch]]. To her credit, the men she was bitchy to were mostly well-known [[TheCasanova Casanovas]] or similar types. And then she met her boyfriend... This troper doesn't remember having seen her smile so genuinely and being so considerate in a very long time. * Even though [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} this troper]] could qualify as a male version of this trope, I once knew a woman who fit this to a T. She would always be mean to him by [[TheBully ridiculing him,]] [[TheGadfly arguing with him,]] [[IShallTauntYou calling him names,]] etc. As time passed, however, she became [[WhenSheSmiles less hostile]] toward him and became good friends and dare I say, [[ThePowerOfLove even fell in love with one another]]. Then one day, she took a [[{{Tsundere}} turn]] [[{{Jerkass}} for]] [[TheMasochismTango the]] [[BrokenBird worse...]] * This troper is in the process of defrosting a male version. He's starting to smile at me now. * This troper is defrosting right now. * There is a girl in this troper's class, who if you asked him what he though of her about 4 years ago, he would have told you she was an insufferable bitch. Flash forward to the present day, and he has the biggest goddamned crush on her and CannotSpitItOut. I'm not sure which of us got the CharacterDevelopment. * My boyfriend calls me his little defrosting ice queen. It makes me laugh (in a good way). * This troper is (trying) to defrost a female one. [[TheDeterminator for the]] [[strike:[[TheDeterminator second]]]] [[TheDeterminator third time]]. ** Update! (same troper) It's working! * This troper somewhat defrosted towards her friends in the last few years, but not fully. In fact, sometimes it gets worse and she switches back to the frosty and mean personality. * This troper. For the first two semesters of this school year, she just sat through most of her classes and only talked in the classes

that her best friend was in. She usually replied to things indifferently and didn't say anything to one of her teachers at all, even if he was trying to be nice or have fun. At the beginning of the third semester, this troper decided that she didn't want to be like that anymore. She was getting a new teacher for a new class and really wanted to improve upon herself. On the first day of the third semester, she gave herself a nickname, started joking with her new teacher, made a friend out of a former enemy/acquaintance, and improved existing friendships. She is still in the process, but has made great progress. She hopes that by next year, she is completely defrosted. * [[{{Tropers/Troper66}} This male troper]] was a walking glacier in his younger days: SillyRabbitRomanceIsForKids, RealMenHateAffection, StrawFeminist, ParalyzingFearOfSexuality, AllWomenArePrudes, all UpToEleven. Sixteen years later, [[{{EarnYourHappyEnding}} still married]] to the girl [[{{CrowningMomentOfAwesome}} who defrosted me]] after my father died. ** Whoots! * This troper has too often seen the opposite, but they have seen it succeed once. I attempted to get familiar with one acquaintance, who tended to be fairly popular around their classes, but it was difficult. At first, they considered me annoying and ignored me. After during one swim practice though, they began suffering from one of their periodic stomach clenchups(they regularly suffered from internal problems), and being the closest, I was stayed by her side and comforted her while the counselors came over to help them. She remembered that the next day and came over to talk to me, but after a week, forgot about it. The next year, I had a class with her, and tried talking to her regularly, but several months passed and I didn't make any progress. However, I had picked up on rumors about her difficult family situation, and decided to make her a card and hope she liked it. The card I spent several days on, however, ended up being given to another friend, who had just entered the room crying and I ended up scratching out the name and giving it to her(she thought it was nice, then forgot about it.) I made another card on the fly in class later, and ended giving that one to the acquaintance, but she suddenly became extremely happy by it! After that she got along much better with me. She still ignores in person but if I speak to her on the Internet then she seems much happier to talk to me. So it's worked out in some way. ---Go back to DefrostingIceQueen with warm intentions. Usually works. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DelayedReaction * Visiting a Denny's at 9:45 at night with a group of this troper's church friends, we saw an older man sitting alone at a booth finishing his meal. Everyone immediately ran up to him to shake his hand and were talking to him excitedly. After he left and we got our food, this troper shouted, "OH MY GOSH, THAT WAS THE CARDINAL!" He had performed

this troper's confirmation and is a good friend of her grandfather's. * facepalm* * This troper remembers detecting a "free trial" which you had to pay money for a few years ago; I ran straight to my dad, who said, "Yes, you're smart. S-T-U-P-I-D, smart." I then said "Thanks," and walked out of the room. About 25 seconds later, "HEY!" * This Troper's middle school performed a Trope-stuffed comedy called Register Here which involved Rhett, the deaf and dumb butler, find a dead body on the porch. Thus began a game of charades to determine what he means. After they finally discover it, "Dead man on porch! How could we be so stupid?" ''{{beat}}'' "Dead man on porch?!" * Happened to This Troper recently. Through a series of circumstances, all the girls were gone from my Drama class (I'm male). One student commented "All that's left is guys. [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg And Sam.]] My response: "Ya, that's weird... wait, what?" * Extreme version of this, to BeyondTheImpossible levels... When This Troper's mother was in high school, she told a friend a joke (She doesn't remember what the joke was now. Something about ferrets...), and the friend didn't get it, even though everyone else was cracking up. '''''Seven years later''''', they happened to be hanging out together, and the friend suddenly burst out laughing so hard she fell out of her chair. Turns out, she had [[LateToThePunchline just gotten the joke]], which had nothing to do with their present conversation. * A perhaps less lighter-hearted version of this trope in action: [[TheHeroHartmut This Troper]] was once with a group of people (some friends, others friends of friends). One of the girls in the group then had to leave, and began to hug everone present. Once she reached me, she hesitated and asked if she had to hug me. I didn't think much of this remark at the time, but now... * This Troper got one when he was putting boats away while helping his aunt at a watersports course. A friend of mine (well, an old friend who used to go skiing with us a few years ago) came up behind me and said hi. I turned, said hi back, turned back, was about to continue with the boat, then the penny dropped. I was too shocked to speak proper sentences for a few seconds (I hadn't seen her for about two or three years). * This Troper was browsing around on failblog, when he came upon a rater awkward video. This news anchor, without missing a beat, said that Barack Obama was the son of a black man from Kenya... And a white MAN from KANSAS. So, this troper decides to tell his father. His dad confirms it, doodles with his laptop for all of five seconds, and makes the oddest face before asking him to repeat that. Many laughs were had. * One of this troper's friends and bandmates told another bandmate that global spelled backwards was orange. About five minutes later, cue "Wait... No! No it isn't!" * This Troper's dad once put googly eyes on the handles of my wheelchair, and commented to my sister that I had "Eyes in the back of [my] chair." My sister didn't get it. Cue months later on a road trip to Minnesota, with my sister sitting behind my wheelchair. "OH, that's what you meant!" Everyone but dad forgot about it until then, which made it double as a terrific BrickJoke.

* This troper was on a first date, and accidentally implied to her date that she was under 18 (she's not). A moment later, he choked on his Coke. Oops. You see, he had bought her an alcoholic drink earlier in the evening ... * Earlier, this exchange happened. -->'''Brother''': We got a de-humidifier. Remember the time it rained in the basement? -->'''Me''': It rained... Inside the basement? -->'''Brother''': [[SarcasmMode Mhmm, it rained and it took clouds inside the pipes and it rained in the basement.]] -->'''Me''': Ah. -->''(we walk back upstairs)'' -->'''Me''': Wait. Cloud- wh- huh? ---Hey idiot, here's the link back to DelayedReaction. * Thanks. <{{Beat}}> Hey, wait a minute! ----

DelegationRelay * Reading the [[DelegationRelay Delegation Relay]] trope reminded me of my own experience playing that game. I spent the last 17 years at the same company alternating between being a programmer and being a tech support person. On one of my support stints, a customer called in asking for help with a problem in our accounting software. I was a specialist in a different product area, although after 10+ years with the company I had a reputation for knowing "everything". Nevertheless, I needed help understanding the accounting principles behind the software problem, so I went through proper channels and asked my direct supervisor to go over to the programming department and get me one of the programmers who worked on the accounting product. My supervisor forwarded my request to the department manager, who forwarded it to the director, who forwarded it to her counterpart over on the programming side, who forwarded it to the manager, who forwarded it to a supervisor. Now, bear in mind, this whole time the entire trail of forwards, including my original request with my name on the "From" portion and my signature on the bottom, was retained. The supervisor on the programming end saw the subject title and read the first few layers of forwards and concluded, "I have just the person to help with this! He's been around forever and he knows everything!" Well, you probably saw how this was going to turn out long ago, and you're right. Programming supervisor recommended to Programming Manager "Let's get (troper) on this ASAP!" Programming Manager forwarded the response to Programming Director, who forwarded it to Support Director, who forwarded it to Support Manager, who forwarded it to my supervisor - this was nearly a week later and of course she had long since forgotten my original request - who sent it to me saying "(troper), can you help them out here?" I wish I were making it up. * When I was a child, I was getting ready to go to overnight camp for the first time. For whatever reason, my dad was looking at a disposable camera, and gave it to my older brother to hold. My older

brother gave it to me to hold. I gave it to my mom to hold. It worked. <<|TroperTales|>>

DeliberatelyCuteChild * This troper's friend's little brother looked like he was four when he was almost eight, and took advantage of this fact for all it's worth. He never broke character either... Only his siblings didn't crack under his relentless cuteness. * A little boy I babysit breaks a bowl on the floor. *bats big blue eyes and smiles bashfully* "I sowwy Bebby. I bad boy. I love you!!" * Children being deliberately cute does not work on this troper. If they're just naturally cute, I'll fawn over them just like everyone else. The second they start acting cute for any reason, it instantly snaps from [[CutenessProximity "Awww, cute kid"]] to [[BerserkButton "Most annoying thing EVER, stop that right now before I lose my temper!"]] * Although this troper is sixteen years old, she still does this. When talking to her parents, she uses a higher-pitched voice than when she's talking to friends, and she calls her parents "Daddy" and "Mama" when she wants something. Also, the only time she only actually calls her aunts and uncles "Aunt" and "Uncle" when she wants something. Same thing with her cousin (as in, he does this, too). * When my sister first started chorus, we would ask her to sing the songs she learned. Once she started singing, she would use a baby voice and lisp, bouncing around like a 3 year old. When she stopped, she would proceed to talk and act normally. "Twinkul Twinkul wittle star, how I wondeh wheh you aw..." "Stop that" "What is it? You didn't like my singing?" She still does that sometimes, she tells us that it's cute. It's annoying. * This Troper feels only a little shame for doing this. * This troper suspects this sort of thing is why her younger sister maintained the sort of mannerisms you'd expect from a three- or fouryear-old, like assuming weird poses and babbling nonsense/making up gibberish words, up until her early teens. * This Troper has a little cousin, and whenever she wants something, she'll start smiling really big and laugh ang giggle and point at the thing she wants. If you fail to give it to her, she toddles over and gives you a big hug, still giggling. Its irresistible. * [[TheTallOne I]] was one of these, to an extent. I hated school as a small child, and after watching my classmates, I realized if I cried and said I missed my mommy, I would get to go home early. In retrospect, I was a wee bit of a manipulative bitch as a toddler. Perhaps it's why I am now immune to deliberate cuteness. * This troper's name is Samantha. Whenever her five-year-old sister wants something from her, she calls her, "Samanthy." If I resist, she goes back to chasing me with screwdrivers. You know, like her normal self. * Not a child, but a Deliberately Cute Dog: there's a running joke in this troper's family that his sister's corgi, [[DogsAreDumb dumb as a

bag of rocks]] to all outward appearances, uses his powers of CutenessProximity and ObfuscatingStupidity to get everything he wants, all the time, and in fact is secretly the smartest member of the household. The kicker? The dog's name is [[DiabolicalMastermind Lex Luthor]]. * During work experience today I was watching over a bunch of sevenyear-olds doing football based games. About five of them were holding footballs, and were instructed to pick someone who didn't have one to give their ball to. Most of the kids who wanted a ball started jumping about shouting "ME, ME!" but one of the boys just used PuppyDogEyes, said "pweeeeeease" and of course he was one of the ones who got the ball. He then proceeded to repeat this about three more times in the space of an hour in various different situations. It worked every time. * [[Tropers/{{Cheeseypoofs}} This Troper]] was friends with one of these. She was a 14-year-old girl who would act like a seven year old. [[ItsAllAboutMe Including some of the more annoying 7-year-old mannerisms]] * This Troper knew one of these back in elementary school. If the teacher was around, she was cute and bright and a total sweetheart. Teacher walks away? "GIVE ME THE BLOCKS! GIVE ME THE BLOOOOOOOCKS!!!" She turns into the EnfantTerrible. Oddly enough, she got along with the LittleMissSnarker that I was back in elementary school quite well (well, until middle school, when she transformed into TheLibby. But that's another story.) * [[{{Tropers/Smerf}} This]] troper's niece will do this. It doesn't work, except for when we're playing tag and she's it. "Can I have hug?" ''Of course'' I give in. * This Troper's little brother, who is both AnnoyingYoungerSibling and the coolest younger sibling of anyone I know [[BeyondTheImpossible AT THE SAME TIME]] (well, cool as long as he's on my side...)! I can always tell he wants something from my parents when he starts pulling the cute act and talking in a high-pitched voice (heh, like to see him try once his voice changes). They, however, don't realize he's doing this- and as the baby, the kid gets almost whatever he wants. So, you know, being the good minion... I mean, BROTHER... he is, sometimes he'll agree to get stuff for me by doing that. (Yet somehow, it works less often....) * This troper's younger brother does it. He's thirteen now, but he has been doing it since he was about...two, three maybe? It doesn't work on me and at times I feel like I'm probably the only one who's aware of it. At one point, I was about ten and he was three, and I was visiting my dad and stepmom. (He lives with them.) I was crying because I'd gotten homesick and wanted to go home. When he saw that I was hogging his spotlight, he started crying. Now that he's thirteen, he's grown up into an Emo Teen. ** Same Troper would try and give my friend the puppy dog eyes whenever I wanted him to do something for me. (I'm not manipulative or anything like that, we were just joking around for the most part.) Because he's got only sisters, he obviously didn't buy it. I think he's only ever cracked once. ----

Aw, of course you can have an extra cookie! Now let's go back to DeliberatelyCuteChild. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DeliveryGuyInfiltration * This troper witnessed an invocation of this trope at a real-life MilSim not too long ago. Team A had to enter a warehouse and steal some {{MacGuffin}}s, but the guard would always sound the alarm (and call in Team B) before they could get past the door. Out of frustration, they finally tried just knocking and shouting "pizza delivery!" Ever the GenreSavvy player, the guard opened the door, was immediately shot in the chest, and with his pretend last breath announced: "Wait--I didn't order any pizza!" (This probably belongs in this article's TroperTales entry, but none exists and it was just too funny not to share.) ----

DepartmentOfChildDisservices * This troper and her younger brother's family suffered Type 2 of this. While their parents were very loving, treated them right, and only lifted a hand to spank them a few times for misbehaving, Troper and her brother were thought to be abused by the teachers at their school. Child Services was sent to their house several times a month, inspecting their parents and interrogating them, despite protests from everyone that things were alright. They were never taken away, thank God, but they were ''terrified'' that it would happen. Wanna know why the school thought they were abused? ''They were skinnier than the other children'' (due to high metabolisms), ''and their clothes weren't ironed.'' ** A similar thing happened to a friend of ThisTroper. In his case it was exacerbated by the fact that he played hockey and as such tended to have bruises quite frequently. Fortunately the teacher was more reasonable about it and asked his mother about it before calling child services averting this trope. *** I don't think they're supposed to do that -- what, after all, would the hockey player's mother have said if she ''were'' beating him? * This troper's adopted little brother and little sister were abused for years by their mom. We tried to get CPS to intervene repeatedly, but they only acted when my mother took drastic action and refused to give them back while babysitting them. She actually threatened to call the news stations, since by this point their mother had nearly killed the girl fairly recently. ** Good thing your mom has good sense! ** That's definitely your mom's CrowningMomentOfAwesome. * This is, sickeningly, truth in television. A malicious, uncollaborated report was made about this troper's family and the local Department of Child Disservices reacted by: coming to our house

while (they thought) nobody was at home and peering through the windows; not telling my terrified parents anything about the allegations, who had made them, what rights they had, or what consequences they could expect; interrogating my siblings alone; and continuing to pester us for weeks about 'supporting evidence' even after it was totally clear what a loving, supporting, and healthy environment my siblings enjoyed. Worst time of our lives, which really is saying a LOT. * My friend's family was torn apart when DSS took the word of his mentally unstable and clinically depressed foster brother over the word of his two perfectly mentally healthy mothers. It was one of the saddest things I've seen, watching them take his little foster sister and brother (who couldn't have been older than five and seven, respectively, at the time) who had just been taken away from their mother, away from their family again, and seeing my friend try to be cool while he had to stay with my family and it was clear he was totally torn up inside. He managed it except for one day when we were talking and I mentioned the suicide of a mother of a girl who had gone to my school, and he responded "I'd rather my mother be dead than know that she's right down the street and they may never let me talk to her again!" and this is a boy who is usually very calm, so seeing him burst like that was scary. * My friend had five children. She has depression, but a caring mother to these children, but she had them taken away from her. I think its wrong how she had the kids taken away from her and hasnt seen them for ages, as she loves her children and misses them, and losing her children has made her even more depressed. * [[{{FairyDreamer}} This troper]] has been thought to be abused by her school because she doesn't eat lunch often. Even though she has told teachers and other staff many times that she doesn't eat simply because she's not hungry. She also once broke her ankle and child services kept coming to check up on her as a result of the school reporting it even when she repeatedly said she broke her ankle due to a fall down the stairs. But the biggest reason she's thought to be abused at home? Because she's very shy and doesn't like being around large groups of people. Now, perhaps the broken ankle is a bit understandable, but since when did natural shyness and a small appetite become signs of child abuse (at least, on their own)?! * Let's just say that there is a really good reason why this troper despises the state department who deals with child abuse and neglect. Thinking about said reason tends to really make me want to smash things. * When this troper, who's father had sole custody of her, was young she was blown over by the wind and broke her leg. Accusations were made. My dad was furious. Thankfully... no action was taken. In their defence, being pushed over by the wind and breaking your leg is an unlikely story. * This troper's younger brother had behavioral issues as a child. A social worker that was brought in and somehow thought that my mom was molesting him. When I heard that I was about to go apeshit on her ass (I was 11). * This troper and her family went through a particularly arduous

battle with DCF when we started to volunteer at a "last-chance" community and decided we wanted to adopt an "unadoptable" boy. I have a stepbrother with an IQ of 48, whom my mother adopted and raised as her own child, and they told us that we could not adopt this boy because he was "special needs" and we could not handle it. They then began to accuse my mother of being abusive and a bad mother when they found out that she was badly abused as a child. We finally went to court with the DCF and I was allowed to testify about my "bad" mother. It was a personal CMOA for me to tell the judge I was entering college at 17 with sophomore standing and a full-ride scholarship thanks to the actions and teachings of this bad, abusive mother who had never ever laid a hand on me. We won the case.

DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment * From math class: A three-sided triangle. You know, as opposed to a three sided square. * [[Tropers.ReikoKazama This troper]] once heard something being described as "[[ShapedLikeItself simplistically simple]]". ** Same troper, different example. Working at Huon FM at the moment, and I saw ''this'': --> [1] Jessica Mauboy feat. Snoop Dogg - Get 'Em Girls (feat. Snoop Dogg) ** Completely unnecessary, and redundant to boot. [-Note: The [1] means it's the first song I put on my list.-] *** Reiko-chan at Huon FM again, and it's a different and more recent song from the same artist: --> Jessica Mauboy feat. Ludacris - Saturday Night feat. Ludacris *** Again, unnecessary and redundant. * This Troper has many folders in her "My Music" folder. One of these is simply called Music. She's not changing it [[RuleofFunny because it'S funny in a stupid way]]. * I hate finding this kind of thing in technical manuals. The one I'm reading now has an annoying tendency to re-explain formulas and laws that first appeared in a previous chapter. ** [[@/{{endlessness}} This troper]] used a circuit analysis textbook which said something to the lines of "A non-linear circuit is a circuit which is not linear". * [[Tropers.BrownieTheOne This troper]] has taken to saying "(S)He was struck with a fatal case of death." whenever anyone asks him where someone has gone. * Watching a program devoted to beautiful actresses, Keira Knightley came up. One of the guests described her appeal as "this sort of... young youthfulness." Face to the palm. * This troper has a friend who, when trying to make a point, says "FOR YOUR FYI!" Which, if we take away the [[FunWithAcronyms acronyms]], says "for your for your information." * In RealLife this troper has some stuff at her workplace labeled "PPE Equipment". For those of you who don't know, PPE stands for Personal Protection Equipment, or on this sign Personal Protection Equipment Equipment. She also lives down the road from the Athletic Club Club (usually called the AC Club by locals).

* [[{{Pirka}} This Troper]] recently received a science sheet with the following title: ''Wind is Air is Wind''. Seriously! Here's [[http://fc03.deviantart.com/fs42/f/2009/148/1/c/Wind_is_Air_is_Wind_b y_Pirka.jpg photographic proof of its existence]]. ** All the curriculum taught in Bahrain is like this. Example: "&#1575;&#1604;&#1605;&#1587;&#1575;&#1601;&#1575;&#1578; &#1575;&#1604;&#1576;&#1610;&#1606;&#1610;&#1577; &#1575;&#1604;&#1608;&#1575;&#1602;&#1593;&#1577; &#1576;&#1610;&#1606; &#1575;&#1604;&#1580;&#1586;&#1610;&#1574;&#1575;&#1578;".&#12288;Redu ndancy, purple prose and redundancy. * This troper's boss does this [[ThisIsSparta ALL. THE. FRACKIN. TIME.]]. "We're gonna have an alley run in the alley!" * This troper has heard that this trope is RepeatedlyUsedOnThisVeryWiki. * [[Tropers/{{Dallenson}} This troper]] Made one out of this Trope "Even though its called Department of redundancy department, It Doesnt take place in a Department, even though it says Department ** [[{{Nintendo wars}} Will]]. Carrying a strong will, will prevail in a post-apocalyptic wasteland (Doesnt work for the Europeon version of Days of ruin (Called dark conflict) Because his name is Ed) * This troper has ''personally'' witnessed a redundant phrase at the food-court of a local mall: 'vegetarian vegetable soup'. Upon sighting this, he then sent his companion into gales of laughter by saying 'Good morning! I'm from the Department of Redundancy Department. How are you today, this morning?'. ** Sounds funny until you realize that, more often than not, vegetable soup isn't vegetarian. Most of them are made with chicken or beef stock. ** A customer once inquired if the orange juice we served was vegetarian. Upon posting said question for mocking on an LJ community, several responses were received along the lines of the above. * This troper once drank a bottle of milk that said "WARNING: CONTAINS MILK". Thank you, bottle, for this important information. ** Likewise, it is actually quite common for a pack of peanuts to say "WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS." Overlaps with CaptainObvious are quite humorous. *** But...peanuts ''aren't'' nuts! *** It gets worse. Some packets of nuts bear the message "WARNING: MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF NUTS". *** I've seen a peanut butter jar that said: "Contains peanuts. May also contain nuts." *** My favorite is on Almond Joys, you get ALERGY WARNING: Contains Almonds. I would sure hope so seing as how I just bought an Almond Joy and not a Mounds bar * I frequently talk like this, like I'm all like "Dude, man. Is that a corporate building of corperateness I see over there?" * [[SharmHedgehog This troper]] once said that ''TheGreatMouseDetective'' got a lot past the radar because it had, "alcohol, beer and drinking". This was intentional on his part, though. * This troper (editor) found it quite hard (difficult) to read a

particular creationist website (internet page) because every other (each second) word was accompanied by (associated with) a synonym in brackets (parentheses), as though the writer (author) had written (composed) it with the excessive (immoderate) use (utilisation) of a thesaurus. * This troper has seen a truck with "Frozen Ice" on the side of it. ** It could be worse; imagine bottled water labled "Melted Ice." *shivers* * This troper has had to physically restrain herself from tearing apart menus which list their meat as served "with au jus" because ''au jus'' is French for ''with juice''. She goes out to eat a lot, and nearly every restaurant in her town does this. ** Most people think au jus is a sauce and that that is its name. * This troper is eating a Cadbury's Fruit & Nut chocolate bar. It has "Fruit and Nut" printed on the wrapper, along with pictures of raisins and hazelnuts. On the back, by the ingredients list which includes the word "nuts", is a warning label which states, helpfully, ''Contains nuts''. ** This Troper has seen a similar thing, on a pack of Tesco Value Nuts -- "warning, this product may contain nuts". *** ''may''? *** Yes. It's a large conspiracy by the squirrels. The nuts might not actually be there, and you may just end up with the unwanted wood chips and bark bits that come off when a squirrel scrambles up a tree. Hence, it ''may'' not contain nuts at all. Might be wood. *** Shroedinger's nuts. They may or may not exist. *** On reading the above, this troper had to reach for the BrainBleach due to the [[DoubleEntendre second meaning]]. *** What? Schroedinger might be female. *** Schroedinger's gender? It's more of a male/female version than a live/dead, but it counts. ** This troper has a picture of a carrot bag with the ingredient list, which says, oddly enough, "carrots". Thank you, FDA regulation. * This troper saw this happen ''constantly'' when working at the IRS since the U.S. government loves [=TLAs=] (Three Letter Acronyms). Any two-word tax or credit would get a description added on to make three letters, such as Self Employment Tax. But then the description would get added on again for clarity, giving you SET tax and EIC credit (Earned Income Credit credit). ** People who work for the IRS are a bunch of [=TMFs=]. ** [[{{Zemyla}} This Troper]] edits government regulations, and sometimes encounters "IAW with current regulations" or something like that. "In accordance with ''with'' current regulations"? ** And on the Canadian side of things, the SIN Number, that's "Social insurance Number Number" *** A friend of mine takes this further with "Sin Number Number" ** I always did wonder when they'd get around to taxing tax. * This troper has noticed, repeatedly, a bag of shredded cheese labeled (on the package) as "Kraft Cheese: Queso Blend". While they are attempting to imply that the blend is somehow "Mexican" (which is ridiculous by itself since the cheeses are Cheddar, Jack and Mozzarella), they are actually labeling it as "Kraft Cheese: Cheese

Blend" * While on a road trip, this troper once saw a sign in a store advertising the availability of an "ATM machine", or, in other words, an automated teller machine machine. ** Don't forget that you will have to enter the personal identification number number to use one. ** [[MidnightMan This troper]] has photographic evidence that there are ATM machines at the Fryderyk Chopin airport in [[LondonEnglandSyndrome Warsaw, Poland]] because he took a photograph. * [[PotatoBucket This troper]], when describing the ''{{Transformers}}'' movie (MichaelBay version), often says (in jest, of course): "It's got [[HumongousMecha giant robots punching each other]]; Megan Fox; [[MadeOfExplodium explosions]]; Megan Fox; [[LordOfTheRings Hugo]] [[TheMatrix Weaving]]; and [[RuleOfThree Megan Fox]]." * [[{{Bisyss}} This Troper]], whilst shopping, found a sticker on a [=DVD=] that proclaimed the movie was produced by "the makers of ''SpiritedAway''!". The movie? [[SpiritedAway Guess]]. ** In a similar vein the ''AvatarTheLastAirbender'' season 3 DVD contains an advertisement for the ''AvatarTheLastAirbender'' seasons 3 DVD. I facepalmed. ** In the showing of ''TransformersRevengeOfTheFallen'' [[GwenStacyWannabe I]] went to, there was a commercial for General Motors (?) and at the end: "''TransformersRevengeOfTheFallen'' in theaters now!" I lol'd. * [[http://failblog.org/2009/01/25/redundancy-fail/ This image.]] That is all. * "Chili Con Carne with Beans." Chili With Meat With Beans. ** Which means "chili (peppers) with meat, with beans." As chili con carne does not have to have beans, and chili peppers by themselves do not have to have meat, there is no redundancy there. * A sage exclamation from [[GwenStacyWannabe this troper]]'s best friend: "Horrible women are ''horrible!''" ** [[{{Lolcats}} Longcat]] is loooooooooooooooooong. ** In the same vein, this troper's friend's amazing bit of wisdom: "Brown is brown." * At this troper's workplace, all of the milk crates we use have "THEFT OF THIS CRATE IS A CRIME" written in bold writing along the one solid piece of plastic on the thing. ''Thanks'', crate, I didn't know stealing was illegal. * [[{{Tinweasel}} This guy]] often spends his spare minutes at work with a Valve Maintenance List list (VML list for short). * On the Nickelodeon advertisements for ''{{Coraline}}'', Dakota Fanning says "It's a fantastical fantasy!" '''Fantastical. Fantasy.''' * This troper's girlfriend mentioned this shoe ad: "GREEK GRECIAN SANDALS: Classic Leather Vintage Sandals, Exclusive Unique Designs". * While watching a LetsPlay of the original ''DevilMayCry'' game, this editor read out part of a description from late in the game. The description in question mentioned "dark evil powers". Her father's response? "They're probably bad, too." * {{Raekuul}} once posted on a ''Pokmon'' forum that his favorite Pokmon were Crobat, Quilava, Crobat, Gyarados, Crobat, Tentacruel,

Crobat, Eevee, Crobat, Beedrill, Crobat, Swalot, Crobat, Mawile, Crobat, Gengar, Crobat and Crobat. ** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Why do you like Beedrill so much?]] *** What other Pokemon gives you a perfect excuse to quote TengenToppaGurrenLagann? * The drama club at this troper's school is called TADAS. It used to stand for Theater and Drama Association Society until we changed 'Association' to 'Appreciation'. A lot of people wanted to keep the redundancy. * This troper once watched a video in a geography lesson that stated "they leave the ice frozen because it is easier to move than wet water." * [[RayAyanami This troper]]'s CatchPhrase is, "ItSucks So ItSucks." ** I assume you're expressing dislike towards black holes. Or defective leaf blowers. *** Or [[{{Spaceballs}} Mega-Maid when not on blow.]] * It's not a PIN Number, damnit! It's just a PIN. Personal Identification Number. Get it right! ** Don't put your PIN number in an ATM machine. You might get the HIV virus. *** And you might get it PDQ. * [[WitheredRoses This troper]] was once trying to describe one of her characters without giving away too much of the story's plot. In desperation, she blurted, "She's a female thief girl." * ThisTroper's personal RunningGag: "Oh, did I mention that I really hate X?" a while after he finished ranting about X. * [[ThaliaAerith This troper]] once heard a teacher say, "One single line" when telling people to line up. * One RP {{Quarma}} was in had me essentially posting "Toma is sleeping in Binary's room" seventeen times over a course of two hours. * My parents were out at Taco Bell one night, and my mom wasn't fully awake. So when she called home to figure out what we wanted, she asked my younger brother "Do you want hard or crunchy tacos?" [[DeadpanSnarker He told her that he wasn't being given much of a choice...]] * This troper owns a shirt about apparently typical Irish sayings. One of them is "She is a female woman of the opposite sex." * On the side of this Planters peanut jar thing, it says Ingredients: Peanuts, Contains: Peanuts o_o O RLY NAO? * Whenever I am faced with redundancy, I feel obliged to point out that it is "repetitively redundant." Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates the humor. * A wall calendar at this troper's office refers to the day after (American) Thanksgiving as "The Day After Thanksgving Day". * From This Troper's local supermarket's range of amazing special officers: ** Bread: 1 per loaf, 3 for 3. ** Chocolate Milk: 50p each, 2 for 1. *** Justified in that, for some reason, [[EverybodyHatesMathematics most people can't do simple math,]] [[YouFailLogicForever sadly enough.]] **** This troper happens to work in the PID (Price Integrity

Department) department of such a supermarket and can explain the reason for this is that the price and the offer are administered seperatly from two different rooms on opposite sides of the planet with no outside communication. * From a translation assignment (about PabloPicasso's painting ''Guernica'') in this troper (0dd1)'s Spanish class: "Picasso no necesito usar colores para hacernos sentir el terror y el dolor. No vemos ni el amarillo de las explosiones ni el rojo de la sangre o del fuego. Todo esta representado en blanco, negro y gris." Translation: "Picasso did not need to use colors to make us feel the terror and pain. We see neither the yellow nor red explosions of blood or fire. Everything is represented in white, black and gray." I don't think it's been made explicitly clear, but it's talking about the absence of color in Picasso's black, white, and gray painting ''Guernica'', by Pablo Picasso, which does not use colors at all. * This Troper's girlfriend was having a discussion with one of his friends where she was talking about a friend in Grade 12, when she said "Grade 12, which is when she graduates". * This troper once wrote an article on {{Soap Opera Disease}} for his anime club's newsletter (calling it SOS, for Soap Opera Syndrome). When the article ran, it was titled "SOS Disease", or "Soap Opera Syndrome Disease". * This troper has encountered this on this very page: you notice how many times a variation of "Peanuts: Contains nuts" has been said? * After walking into a large room, I commented "It's cavernous! Like, you could fit whole caverns in here." * This troper has been known to do this on occasion. The most recent involved describing the utility of using copper wire for jewellery. And what did he say? "I'm sure you could find a more useful use than that for it." * On this troper's bottle of Canada Dry Seltzer Water: "SPARKLING SELTZER WATER". * The packaging for ''Hot'' Pockets contain instructions to "heat until hot". For added redundancy, it then proceeds to warn you that the item may be hot. * [[CrashGordon94 I]] was once accused of being a "sex pervert" on a forum [[SelfDemonstratingArticle once]]. * While marking someone's else quiz anonymously, This troper and her friends decided it would be fun to creep out the poor kid who's test I got (who is known for being really shy and reserved) by writing things like "we will always be ~* ~best friends~* ~" with hearts and stars. I ended up putting, "Marked by your BFF FOREVER". Which-- I didn't realize until after-- was repetitively, "YOUR BEST FRIEND FOREVER FOREVER." In the end, though, it was definitely more creepy with the emphasis on forever. I saw him do a nervous look around when he got it back. * Once, in my english class, someone couldn't stop repeating their point during a debate. To which my teacher quiped, "Department of Redundancy Department." to shut him up. * Just today This Troper bought a carton of hard-boiled eggs from Publix. The writing on the carton? "Allergens: Contains eggs." [[SarcasmMode Really? I hadn't noticed!]]

* This Troper, when trying to explain the characters of Dr Horrible, meant to say 'Moist is Howard', but instead said 'Moist is Moist. ' It's now a RunningGag/Catchphrase * This troper has a friend who, when confused, likes to say "What the WTF!?" * This troper recently saw a packet of cheese which contained "queso quesadilla cheese." Translation: "cheese cheesy tortilla cheese." Incidentally, the manufacturer's slogan is "[[ShapedLikeItself Tastes better because it's made better.]]" ** That wouldn't count if you mentally drop the "cheese" at the end. Spanish adjectives and describers come ''after'' the noun, never before, and a quesadilla is basically just a grilled cheese sandwich in a folded-over tortilla. Thus, a better translation of Queso Quesadilla would be "Flatbread sandwich cheese". * This Troper has a habit of saying, "My brain just stabbed itself in the brain because of you," when people say or do something particularly stupid. * A quote from a friend of mine: "She's dead, 'cause she died of death disease." ** On a similar note, I will kill you so hard you are going to die to death. * During marching band practice, the director told us that if we got to our spots (in our formation on the field) too fast, then we were going there too fast. Then, right afterward, the trumpet section leader lampshaded it by saying "Department of redundancy department." * While at the mall with a friend, said friend proceeded to ask "Do you think they have a change machine for change?" * Automobile insurance forms ask for the Vehicle Identification Number, or VIN. Though when talking to the agent, they'll ask for the VIN Number. * Oh ye fuzzy Gods, I've come across people that talk like this. Like the Baptist Preacher's sermon format, they'll tell you what they're going to tell you, tell you, then tell you what they just told you. ''IN NORMAL CONVERSATION.'' * Came across this word randomly on, what do you know, Tv Tropes for [[ForbidenFruitTheTempationOfEdwardCullen mancarrot/wet mushroom]]. "Campire." There is no such thing as a "campire"--ALL sparklepires are camp. That's just redundant. *sparkle* * One Electromagnetics problem I've been given at university started with the words "A spherical sphere..." * I was trying to make a [[ThirtySuePileup great fanfic]] with some friends, but there was a problem beside the fact that we were a bunch of fourteen year old girls: none of us could narrate properly. The result was beyond awful, but the part that took the cake was something like: ---> The phone ranged. Bob picked the phone up. No one answered. ---> Bob: No one is answering! * From my school ---> English Teacher: This book is shorter than some of the other books that are longer. * I constantly have to fight the urge to hit people who say "at _ A.M. in the morning" or its evening or nighttime equivalent.

* [[{{Tropers/Betterthanstrawberry}} This troper]] once directed, wrote, arranged the soundtrack of and acted in a school play. He also designed the poster. At the bottom of the poster was a warning that the contained "mildly disturbing content, simulated violence, mild profanity, sex, partial nudity, innuendo, more sex, and some sexy stuff". * My fifth grade teacher set aside 15 minutes each day for everybody to just sit at their desks reading something quietly. She called it "SQUIRT Time". SQUIRT stood for Super Quiet Indepedent Reading Time. The entire class, and at least two sets of parents, thought this was hilarious. * ThisTroper once read a comment on a ParappaTheRapper video that said this: He got tired from karate (cool mode) He just got his license (bad then good on last) He selled a skunk (cool mode) He made a cake made of crack (cool mode) [[CrowningMomentOfFunny He had an acid trip in an acid trip (cool mode)]] * This Tropette doesn't know if this is universal or unique for her Swedish high school, but when we wrote papers, you were always supposed to begin the paper with a summary were you described what you would write about, then the paper itself were you wrote it, and then a conclusion at the end which was basically another summary where you described what you had written about. * The other day, one of this troper's professors produced this gem: "The text is very redundant. It constantly repeats itself." * This troper has the odd habit of being redundant ("That fire thing is shooting flaming fireballs of fire") when hanging out with friends. * This troper's favorite curse/exclamation of surprise is "shit and scheie!" which combines DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment with GratuitousGerman. * This troper ordered rectangle-shaped pizza at a restaurant she went to today. When her parents asked about her going to the restaurant, she described it to her parents as "rectangle shaped pizza cut into rectangles." As opposed to rectangle-shaped pizza cut into, maybe, triangles or something. * This troper is often told how much she looks like her mother. One time, a friend, after seeing her mother for the first time, said, "Wow, [Troper]. You really look like your mother and she looks just like you." * This troper's American History teacher said once that businessmen that created monopolies during the Progressive Era "succeeded very successfully" in creating monopolies. [[SelfDemonstratingArticle Wait a second...]] * A local restaurant serves biscuits and gravy. A variety of this comes with "spicy chorizo sausage". It just so happens that "Chorizo"

is a type of spicy sausage in spanish speaking countries. * This troper commonly finds herself engaging in long chain conversations of groups of people pointing to each other and saying "I blame him!" And it tends to repeat several times... * Can north pole bisexual mammals suffer from mood swings? Because that would prove the existence of bi bi-polar polar bears. * This Troper was forming teams for a scavenger hunt at a university frosh event. Each member who joined added a synonym to the team name. And thus, Team Group Squad Alliance Contingent Coalition Organization Party League Posse Force was born. (11 members, for those counting at home.) The event organizers referred to us as TGSA and Redundant Name interchangeably. All of the members wrote their contribuition on their Frosh shirt. * At a restaurant I went to recently one of the puddings available is brownies. As well as the title of it saying brownies the description says it contains "Brownies, cream, brownies, ice cream and chocolate sauce". * "Welcome to the Department Of Redundancy Department," welcomed the tour guide of the Department Of Redundancy Department in welcome to the visitors to the Department Of Redundancy Department who were visiting the Department Of Redundancy Department and being guided around the Department Of Redundancy Department by the tour guide who was giving the tour of the Department Of Redundancy Department. * On the back of an issue of Time for Kids, I saw Mae C. Jemison listed as a "medical doctor." No, really. * While describing a lab, this troper's chemistry teacher said something along the lines of 'bleach is bleach. It bleaches things.' * ThisTroper was looking at TheOtherWiki, on the Innsmouth page, and noticed the same year number twice. --->Lovecraft first used the name "Innsmouth" in his 1920 short story "Celephas" (1920), where it refers to a fictional town in New England. * This troper was at a counter fascist rally a week ago and ADL currently has 5 threads in the same section about this on their forums. They NEED a DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment. * One of my friend's shtick is this. Mostly like, "<INSULT> <NAME> is <INSULT>." Ex. "Stupid Joe is stupid." * When I'm writing I sometimes have the habit of accidentally using a word twice in a sentence accidentally [[hottip:*:Yes, it was on purpose that time]]. Usually, I'll go back and correct forum posts that are like this, but once I used "somehow" twice in a sentence, then thought it would be funnier to edit my post and put ''more'' somehow's in. * This troper and goes to anime club at her library on the first wednesday of the month and has a habit of referring to it as "Wednesday is Friday today day" ** same troper, different scenario: she once read that the definition of a wheel and axle was "consists of a wheel that is turned on an axle." * This tropers reason for the 60's being the best decade ever are: weed, JFK, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Stones, LSD, weed, beer, hippies,...WEED!

* This troper met someone on TeamFortress2 [[AwesomeMcCoolName Named wonderBOY boy of WONDER.]] * "IF YOU'RE DEAD, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"--HannaIsNotABoysName * At my local grocery store, I saw a self serve tub of peanuts that conveniently stated: [[RunningGag "WARNING: May contain traces of nuts."]] ** I once came across a jar of peanut butter which said, "Contains peanuts. May also contain nuts." ---Click this link to return and go back to the Main/DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment main trope page here by clicking this link, which leads to the Main/DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment main trope page by clicking this link... ---<<|TroperTales|>> <<|RepeatedlyUsedOnThisVeryWiki|>>

DepravedDentist * One of [[@/DRoy my]] uncles likes to play as one. Whenever I go to him to get examined, he keeps saying stuff like "Sorry kid, I'll have to pull all your teeth out, and we are out of anaesthetics." He's a decent person, but he still scares me.

DescriptionCut * One time, two friends of this troper were discussing the future of a certain student institution once the seniors that year left. And yeah, it really happened. --> A: Oh, I dont think its that bad. C seems competent enough.\\ B: Well....\\ C: *walks in while stuffing a water bottle into his mouth* ---- Return to DescriptionCut here. ---- <<|TroperTales|>>

DesignatedHero [[AC:TabletopRPG]] * In one 3.5 campaign this Troper ran (in fact his first serious attempt IIRC), his party were tracking orcish raiders in Silverymoon. The plot was that one of the retired Zentarim was causing trouble for the other towns. Eventually, the "heroes" manage to get a lead, but they needed to get more proof, so they broke into the man's house in order to gather info. Standard PC fare, correct? It gets worse. The party Thief finds a random servant girl, captures her, interrogates her (uncovering nothing), and knocks her unconscious, and stashes her in a closet. The party Mage, a morally ambiguous individual to begin

with, breaks into the wine cellar, where he is uncovered by several guards, whom he proceeds to colour spray. Then, while he's down there, decides to set the whole place on fire, because he thought the place was crawling with evil assholes trying to undermine the stability of the Silver Marshes, but in reality by and large they were just a bunch of people trying to get by. The house is burned down (and yes, the poor servant girl was still inside), resulting in the town going into lockdown. Eventually, when they try to get out, they try talking their way past the guards, but when they get suspicious, the Thief grabs a guard and holds him hostage. Eventually, when they're a bit away, the Mayor (the guy who was implicated) and his elite guard charge on horseback to deal with the [=PCs=]. During which a climactic battle occurs, in which the orc raiders attack (reneging on their deal with the Mayor) and forcing a confession from him. Eventually, the orcs are scattered the cavalry, the Mayor is captured, and he gets tried and was sentenced to hang. However, the Mage proceeds to bribe the hangman so that the rope chokes him instead of snapping his neck. Given the look the Mage was giving the Mayor, he realized something was up, and choked out a death curse. The next campaign pretty much had the authority in the Silver Marshes bring charges against the Mage (for which he was framed for the most part, but still had several capital crimes levelled against him). * This troper's party (a group in which he includes himself) spent a lot of this evening, based of suspicions of a mole aboard our ship, stalking, ransacking the room of, attempting to charm, successfully dominating and interrogating until she went comatose, and then mindwiping an innocent woman. And we're supposed to be a mix of good and neutral alignments. ** Similarly, his character is the Lieutenant Commander aboard the ship, even though one of the lower-ranking officers is infinitely more qualified for the job. The only real explanation is [[AuthorityEqualsAsskicking Asskicking Equals Authority]]. * I usually see my Anime Club Leader or the Senior as the Hero. The Freshman seems to like to exert his superiority over me even though I outrank him as a Sophomore... * D&D 4e: EVERYONE in this troper's group except the LawfulGood halfling paladin, who [[DumbIsGood isn't the sharpest sword in the armory]]. As in, there's a wizard who collects vials of blood and randomly kills shrubbery for no reason, a warlock who is perhaps the first known DeadpanSnarker to wear a cloak made from ''elf skin'' ([[OldShame me, in a less praiseworthy moment]]), a ranger who ''violated a necromancer's corpse'' ([[{{Squick}} AFTER said corpse had been skinned]]), and a warlord who stores live kobolds to devour later. The Unaligned, um, alignment is stretched to breaking point on a depressingly regular basis. * This Troper has run two DnD campaigns with the same group, both ending up under this trope. ** In the first, they were supposed to stop the BigBad from reassembling a broken ArtifactOfDoom. Instead, they decided to reassemble it themselves. The campaign ended when they blew up the plane they were standing on. ** In the second, the party was supposed to be looking for a way to

restore the setting's diminished magic. Not five sessions in they ended up getting the rest of their expedition killed and became pirates. ** One of my own characters in another person's campaign is literally a designated hero, ie. TheChosenOne. He was prophesized to save the world, and takes advantage of that fact to excuse his every (often {{Jerkass}}ish, or even sometimes outright villainous) action. Example: Dragon terrorizing a village is appeased via VirginSacrifice. He theorizes this is the only thing it can eat, and so instead of fighting it directly decides to... er, [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean poison the food supply]] * This troper ran a D&D/d20 campaign premised on the characters being the mortal reincarnations of various metaphysical cosmic principles, across multiple times and dimensions (including the modern day). For the most part, their incarnations were decent folk, but two in particular fell right in the middle of DesignatedHero territory: in the "space opera" timeline, the incarnation of the Spark of Creation and Innovation (a dark and disturbingly mad scientist) and his "son," the incarnation of the Animistic Principle/Machine Soul (a sentient, ensouled, and [[HeroicSociopath extremely violent]] android -- even the living spirit of the pure force of magic was confused by his existence). Probably the only reason their existence was tolerated by those around them was because they were still firmly on the side of Reality in a conflict with Lovecraftian horrors from outside space and time. ** The same troper also ''plays'' a lot of these if he's playing anything non-good. He's less a bastard-that-everyone-deems-heroic as he is massively apathetic to doing anything for the right reasons, and ends up helping the good guys only because the bad guys have annoyed him (or targeted him for death, as the case may be). * This Troper was DMing a campaign with 3 lawful good characters, a neutral good, and a lawful neutral. They decide to enter a city through the back entrance (i.e. The middens), but get swarmed by its beggar inhabitants. So what do they do when confronted by hundreds of beggars? ''Set them all on fire.'' Then they bribe the city officials with their services as adventurers to get them out of jail. [[AC: RealLife]] * [[Tropers/FurikoMaru This troper]] has somehow ended up being [[TheHero the heroine]] of TVTropesTheTVShow, [[TrueNeutral despite]] [[{{Tsundere}} being]][[ComedicSociopathy ... yeah]]. * To [[Tropers/MegTheMaggot This]] ChaoticNeutral troper's dismay, people seem to think I'm always an excellent choice for leadership roles. Even in groups where I am visibly the youngest, people defer to me. It'd be funny if I wasn't so ill-suited to make choices for other people. ** Same [[{{Tropers/MiraShio}} here]]. Since my groupmates usually turn to me to do most of the thinking, though, I've taken to using threats to this effect: "If you make me the leader of this group, I won't be writing the script." * To prevent this, [[{{Tropers/StongRadd}} this troper]] will clearly explain at the beginning of his webcomic-to-be that the protagonist is

NOT the hero. * Hi. [[{{Tropers/Zblayde}} I'm]] a guy who's really good at helping people. In fact, I like helping people. But, thanks to my rapidlychanging personalities, there are times I like to see them suffer, and times I will '''make''' them suffer. But I want to help people more. I think. I hate this. ---Go back to DesignatedHero, though I don't know why you're the one we're asking to do it. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DesignCompromise * Three friends of one troper wanted to build a treehouse. I wanted things like a slide and a lift. Even drew up plans with measurements and labels. We ended up with a couple of planks nailed to a tree and a ladder of short pieces of wood. * Let us all stand up and share a moment in silence, remembering all the genre-defining, thrilling, moving, inspiring, awesome novels, movies, pictures, animes, mangas that live(d) in the minds of all those awesome tropers!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey, lets head back to DesignCompromise, it going to be the best trope ever! ----

DespairEventHorizon * This troper recommends reading the HeartwarmingMoments pages to anyone who goes through things like these. In my comparatively dark moments (which luckily don't approach anything like these often), it's a real aid. * This troper really ''really'' gave up all hope for the people who were nice to him after seeing people morph into some of the most hypocritical jackasses over the ''pettiest'' things. Really...you don't want to know what happened, but I had these happen with FanDumb and HateDumb...and that was just throwing salt in the wounds of other sorts of shit that happened. ** As long as you don't become one too, and try to shine through the darkness, and be for others what most weren't for you, there's always hope. * [[{{Tropers/Anarquistador}} This troper]] had something of a DespairEventHorizon when his internet forum degenerated from a place dedicated to civil discourse to a cesspool of hate speech, and finally self-destructed when the hosting company got sick of it all. I came to

realize that the Internet (except for TvTropes, of course) is largely populated by [[{{Main/GIFT}} Jerkwads]], and that trying to get people to act civil toward each other will get you called, at best, a killjoy, and at worst, a fascist. And that maybe there really is no place on the Internet for intelligent, rational discussion of important things. It also gave me something of a HeelRealization, since the forum was largely composed of outcasts from another message board. We migrated to escape the Jerkwad behavior we percieved there...and then WE became the Jerkwads to each other. Or maybe we always were the Jerkwads, and they were right to cast us out... * [[{{Tropers/SNDL}} SNDL]]: This is how I felt at the end of December 2, 2007; due to reasons [[RuleOfCautiousEditingJudgement I know I'm not allowed to put here]]. [[AndTheFandomRejoiced Next day in early morning, however....]] * This troper is recently hitting one and is ready to just leave ''LeagueOfLegends'' forever. I'll tell you why: I wound up playing a game with DefenseOfTheAncients and HeroesOfNewearth players. Traumatic flashbacks to the times I played ''DefenseOfTheAncients''...horror...the horror...the [[WretchedHive scummunity]] of the game practically turned me off from ever playing multiplayer games. * This troper crossed it several years ago, following four years of caring for a girlfriend with severe agoraphobia, a suicide attempt after both of his closest friends abandoned him within ten minutes of each other, and the slow death of his father to lung cancer. I'm still there. * This Troper has been disappointed with the staggering amounts of willfull ignorance and sheer stupidity exhibited by many ''many'' people in [[{{Eagleland}} his country]] (including at least one of our major political parties) for a while now, but what really drove it home was seeing a list of countries based on things such as (low) infant mortality, scientific literacy, lack of corruption in government, and the like... and the United States is nowhere near the number one spot in any of them. [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck you]], history classes that teach American exceptionalism! [[ThatLiarLies YOU LIE!]] That, combined with the over-the-top ActivistFundamentalistAntics that have become par for the course for one political party, and the sheer unwillingness of the other political party to go about fixing things, has convinced me that I will be a very old man indeed when the United States ceases to be an [[AcceptableNationalityTargets Acceptable Nationality Target]] and is treated with the same respect as the rest of the First World... assuming I even live that long to see it happen. For all I know it might take centuries to undo all the stuff that the South knowingly and deliberately ruined. * It doesn't take much to lose hope. For the most part, the reason that most of the world is so apathetic is because they have looked around them and realised that there isn't much to hope for, and that they should deal with whatever happens. Now, for the unfortunate few people of this world who just can't look away...we break. We become so tired sick of seeing the violence and depravity that always lurks just beneath the surface, ready to come up and devour us whole. We begin to see the eyes that we once saw only from within the maw of the abyss in

our own mirror, and we lose all faith in ourselves, in humanity, and in higher powers. When this happens, people change. Some die by their own hand, but the rest evolve. Some find principles that must be lived by. Some go mad from the revelation and go into hiding. Some take up arms and fight, trying desperately to change things. Call them a hero or a villain, however way you want. What's important is that it is these people who try to influence the world, and the reason that they become what they do is because they despair. ---There's no hope...go back to DespairEventHorizon if you dare. Or go [[http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html here]] if you think you really need it. ----

Determinator * I beat some guy on the ground after he stabbed me with a screwdriver. I broke my fingers in the process. ** Seek psychiatric help. ** Afterwards, pat yourself on the back. * [[{{Grognor}} I]] never give up on anything. ''Ever.'' Suffice it to say that when I say I'm determined to do something, that thing will be done. ManlyTears have been shed in my efforts. * I'm trying to become this in my academics. Otherwise, I'm like this in video games, like [=RPGs=]. 50 hp left and no items? Keep fighting! * I'm not sure if this really counts, but this troper and friends were playing hide and seek when I was around twelve. Now, I was in a pretty bad mood, so when I found all of said friends hiding inside a large shack behind locked doors, he nearly tore it down to get to them. Luckily the door is still intact due to my remembering the consequences and them opening the door. Then again, breaking down the door wouldn't have been a fairly ''difficult'', and I'd been stopped, but it still counts right? * My granddad at the age of twelve jumped on a bus to New York without anyone knowing and came back ''just to get a cup of coffee.'' he dropped out of high school at fourteen to help his parents pay the bills be ''hauling bricks up the sides of skyscrapers. My dad has followed in his footsteps to help put me and my brothers through school, and is physically incapable of breaking a promise no matter how stupid or insignificant. I have inherited the trait as well, and hopefully I'll have little Determinator kids someday. (To avoid it being an InformedTrait I should tell you that I traversed 300 miles in a massive behemoth of a vehicle with a max speed of 100 MPH... in two hours. My willpower and that of my friends> relativity physics). * This Troper definitely falls into this category in all aspects of her life. * I'm a fairly laid back man. I'm a real-life GentleGiant, a pacifist (unless you throw the first punch, in which case I'll fight dirty. Never said I wont defend myself), and pretty much the nicest guy in the tri-state area. My best friend is so amazed by my personality that he's convinced, using KingdomHearts terminology, that I'm all Light

and I have no shadow whatsoever. But you do not. [[PapaWolf You do NOT...threaten my friends, or my girl.]] If you bring either one harm, I will not stop until you pay for what you have done. I will not be placated. I will not be bribed. I will not be convinced. You will pay, and it will be terrible. If you raise so much as a finger to anyone I care about, limbs will be broken. ** Well hopefully you'll marry (and keep married to) your girl and keep in touch with all your friends, or you're gonna read this 20 years down the line and have a good laugh, eh? Of course, this goes for everyone. Most people (especially those living in the modern world) are never going to face a big crisis involving a tangible enemy. * This troper's BadassCreed is "Want me to commit to a goal? Tell me to quit. I can make the choice to give up, but I'll be damned if anyone makes it for me." ** Similar to me, though I just do it internally. My guidance councilor informed me, right before the final for basic physics, that I was likely to fail AP physics the next year if my then-current grades were any prediction. Fast forward a little less than one year, and I am on the only team in our class to make it to the finals for the Team America Rocketry Competition. Fast forward another month, and I received the highest possible score on my AP exam. I then walked up to my councilor, and said to him [[TengenToppaGurrenLagann "Just who the hell do you think I am?"]] ** Congratulations above troper! You've won the internet! * My Dad is like this. He makes a promise to you, and the laws of physics wouldn't stop him from keeping it. I like to think I have this, too. * This Troper combines a deep inner determinator instinct with a Social Anxiety Disorder. The desire to go full throttle all the time conflicting with a fear of other people's judging me leaves me in a near-constant state of uncertainty and emotional confliction but god help you when the social anxiety goes away because of either a sizable adrenalin rush or a push of my berserk button. ** Wow, ditto for [[{{Joerc 45}} this troper]]! * This troper has a friend that did one of those no chair lean backs on the wall at fat camp this year. She stayed up there for FIVE minutes with both arms above her head and one leg in the air. From the back you could tell that it was pure agony for her and she did this just so that our team could win that part of the games we were doing that night. She won and afterwards couldn't walk for at least half an hour. The only thing that kept her going was pure luck and determination. * [[ChicaMusica This troper]] is rarely considered to be a Determinator, but when she is, it's for relatively small things. Even when she walks away form it, she is still planning on how to do whatever the thing is. Basically, if she says she will do something (with actual feeling and not usual lazy ass saying it), it doesn't matter how long or how she does it, SHE WILL GET IT DONE. For example, she had to run a mile in under 15-20 minutes. Keep in mind that she has almost no stamina and running capability. She managed to continue going at a reasonable pace while her lungs were on fire,

hyperventilating and slowly blacking out. She tripped, fell, couldn't see a thing and soon as she managed to get a bit of sight back, she finished it with 4 minutes to spare. Her greatest accomplishment sadly... * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] has always been like this over video games; more so when he was younger (Back in the days he did not accept failure easily). If I failed to beat a boss or a challenge in a game, I'd keep at it however long it took before I beat it (This being ridiculed by my older sister, who often made comments like "At least I know when to quit when a game gets tough, unlike my brother; who'll keep at it until he breaks something in rage"). ** When we are on the topic of video games, [[{{Klon}} This Troper]] played this trope as straight as possible when playing [=SmackDown=] vs. RAW 2008. In a [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential mean streak]] I decided to play Kelly Kelly against The Undertaker. To even the odds, I took the ability Showman (allowing you to copy your opponents {{Finishing Move}}) and had Tommy Dreamer as my manager. The latter got himself extremely fast banned from ringside. But seeing as I went already some minutes without getting beaten, he took the challenge seriously and fought with everything he got and despite Taker slamming, punishing, kicking, punching and so on and her being completely red everywhere, the "Phenom" could not pin her, because this troper pushed buttons like his life would depend on it. And after reversing the Tombstone Piledriver, Kelly got the fourth Tombstone Piledriver of her own through, actually pinning that monster. * [[SirPsychoSexy This troper]] has an iron will. He recently (starting in January 2008 as a New Year's resolution) put it to good use losing 110 pounds and ''keeping it all off for a year''. He also channels his {{Determinator}} status into writing term papers- one of which was a 32-page long independent study on BoysLove (which got an A, BTW). Just suffice it to say that he can do anything he puts his mind to. * This Troper fondly recalls her girlfriend saying her best quality is the fact that no matter what, I always say "I can do it!" To humorous and sometimes epic effect. If I give up, it's because I absolutely cannot keep my attention focused on it, but I usually at least try to come back to it later. The one exception being Siddhartha. Goddamn that book. * It took this troper a whole autmn and winter to refresh her math to pass her GED test. There were some times where she felt like giving it all up because it was too hard to comprehend. Fast forward to June of 2009. She walked into the testing room with he head high and walking strong. She sat down and got the test over with. That evening, her mother pulled up her scores. She passed with flying colors. Her determiation payed off 100%. * Me? I find it rather hard to commit myself to anything. But once I do, my commitment is unshakable. * [[{{Contributors/Zenith}} This troper]] once walked an hour and a half in the snow to his high school (which is on the opposite end of the school district from his house)...to take a Psychology final. (It counted for a fifth of my grade!) ** [[{{Joerc 45}} This troper]] did the same thing, except to get home

from work, and it was a 2 hour trip. Wow, we deserve a {{Crowning Moment Of Awesome}}! * I'm a laid back, pleasant sort of fellow. I don't usually put too much into things... except when I do. One good example: I once swam over 50 yards underwater as part of a challenge. I literally passed out from lack of oxygen 3/4 of the way through, inhaled water, and KEPT SWIMMING. Nobody had the slightest clue anything was wrong till I climbed out and vomited up a lungful of water. To this day, I only remember half the swim, and waking up on the side of the pool. To recap: I drowned, and kept going. It's probably a good thing that I'm normally a lazy SOB, as otherwise I'd be some driven, ruthless asshole. * [[TomatoKirby I]] have a sort of honor system with my will. Basically, if I "bind something to my will", it ''will'' be done at all costs. For example, as of this typing, I recently bound my will to run in snowy weather. When I mean snowy, I mean one of the biggest blizzards in the area since a decade (or two?) ago. I also decided to wear fall clothing...t-shirt, long-sleeve t-shirt on top, socks, shoes, and short pants. It was ''cold''. Having a strong will is part of my identity and way of life. * [[{{Xkun01}} This Troper]].In life in general,has trouble finding things to commit to,other then [[GoodFeelsGood Good]].However,once he picks a goal,he will not stop at it,until he has accomplished it.He's been working on a goal for seven years,and still has not given up.Through pure will.In fighting games,he doesn't care how much life he has left,because I believe that until all my health is gone,the fight is not over yet. * Earlier this year I was determined to kill a deer because basically everyone I knew who had gone hunting had got their deer already even the young kids and I had been hunting for 7 years by that point, so after the weekend was over thankfully I didn't have a job at the time so I could hunt any day of the week so two days later I finally bagged my first buck a nice sized four pointer. * The week before exams began, this troper's friend's computer crashed. She is a digital artist so her computer is her life. When she took it to tech support, they told her that they could fix the computer but they simply lacked the equipment to save her files. (They also recommended her to a company that might have been able to save the files... if besides the computer, she also handed over an arm and one leg.) My friend had been working on those five projects for the past three months. She has so far remade three of those projects that took three months to gather info for... ''[[FromASingleCell in one week.]]'' '''[[{{Badass}} THIS WEEK.]]''' And is at the halfway point for the other two. ''[[YouGoGirl Damn, girl!]]'' * This troper is never a {{Determinator}}, even though he reckons the results could be worth it. Now, when his [[VitriolicBestBuds friend]] comes into the picture, and shows that he can do it, this troper will go all-out to beat him. He has impressed himself with his strength. He knows about it, and he knows that flashing a wide grin at me after doing something I can't tends to convince me that I must do it. * [[DarkInsanity13 This troper]] has this attitude towards SuperSmashBros, especially since she has a habit of not using dodge or

shield moves until her damage meter is fairly high, and even then she's not good at remembering to use them. "That which doesn't kill me only gives me more of a chance to take you down!" She has a similar attitude to getting injured in sports. She may not be good at it, she may be complaining, but you'll be damned if you think she won't keep trying to help the team anyway! Getting smacked in the face by a soccer ball twice in a single game (within 10 minutes of each other, even) only had her laughing like a maniac and she was still attempting to play before she was convinced to take a break. * [[{{Anime King194}} This troper]] Once walked about 3 miles in the cold snow to and from Gamestop to preorder Bioshock 2...then he did it [[BeyondTheImpossible again the very next day]] to pick it up, despite all the damn snow and ice breaking beneath his feet and slowing him down, he kept going until he got home and played the shit out of that game. It was so bad that his calves were bleeding and he didn't even notice until an hour after he got home! * [[{{Rhysdux}} This troper]] woke up from a nap in 2005 and couldn't move. I called 911 and was taken to the hospital where I promptly went into an eight-day coma from which I was not supposed to awaken. When I woke up, both legs were paralyzed and so badly infected with staph that the doctors were talking about double amputation. I asked for leg exercises to get the leg muscles working again; one of the nurses told me about some yoga moves that were often used in physical therapy. Absolutely no one--including that nurse--believed that the legs would ever move again. Two weeks later, I flexed the ankle of the left leg-the worse of the two--voluntarily. This freaked out the medicos no end. Why? Because the tissues and muscles of both legs were so damaged by lymphedema tarda and staph that ''voluntary movement was no longer supposed to be POSSIBLE.'' They then decided that okay, I'd regained motion, but just enough to get in and out of a wheelchair. Two months after this, I was using my wheelchair as a rolling walker. Seven months after falling into a coma, I went back home. And since then, I've gone from wheelchair to regular walker to orthopedic cane. The doctors still can't figure out how this is possible. I think that sheer bloody-mindedness has a lot to do with it. * This troper is normally quite lazy, but only with things that he is actually good at (if he doesn't enjoy it). It is things that he sucks at where he becomes a determinator. Just as an example, when his gym class started to play touch football, he could never throw the ball properly, and he could almost never catch it. His only advantage was my good sprinting power. He kept playing despite constantly failing, and being being mocked for it. After months, he was actually competent enough to not embarrass himself. The only time where time where he gave up on anything in that category was when he was basically ''forced'' to play basketball, which he normally isn't too bad at, but he was running on four hours of sleep and was playing in front of about 20 other kids, half of whom were laughing out loud at him. Even then he played for nearly ten minutes despite failing to get a single basket. * When it comes to academics (mostly math), this troper's the first to give up, but on the wrestling mat, he will use every ounce of strength to win, doesnt know the meaning of "quit", and would rather pass out

on his gut than lose on his shoulders. This is the only true reason why he managed to qualify for Nationals. Reason he didnt WIN the Nationals? The [[NeverLiveItDown flu.]] * This troper, when it comes to academics. When I was doing a problem set for calculus, I encountered one problem that made absolutely no goddamn sense. The only logical course of action was to keep at it until I solved it. Seven hours later, I did. * I don't have the patience or attention span for determinatoring in academics, or writing, or just about anything. Even in video games, I often RageQuit. ''However'' I do always make it a point to come back and I will ''fucking win goddamnit.'' SCREW YOU, [[{{HarderThanHard}} HEROIC LEVEL]] [[{{Halo}} SESA 'REFUM!]] D:< * Shear bloody-minded stubbornness is what got [[{{Tropers/Smerf}} me]] through chemistry in college and, later, grad school. * If [[@/SpessMehren32 this troper]] promises to do something, he will either do it for when he said he would or do it later than expected. Starting essays at four in the morning just because I promised to get it in that morning, but was busy the previous night is rare, but not unheard of. This also applied when I had to de-snow the street on my own, despite only having done the task once previously (and that time was with my dad, so it wasn't technically on my own) recently: it was snowing, icy, cold and parts of what I was de-snowing were only just big enough to slide the shovel under, not enough to lift it out. I still did it and the path to my neighbour's house (and my own)...in an hour and a half (it was roughly two and a half hundred metres of snow). Two days later, I did the same task again and, but for a conversation with the neighbour (I was talking about jam, christmas cakes, chutney, salmon pate, her poor health and the weather, as well as being given a pot of jam and two small containers of salmon pate and having to find a good place to put them (I ended up putting them on the wall outside my house due to finally realising the snow would keep them cool)) and having to redo part of the work due to a lack of thought (putting some of the snow on the road: I cleared part of the road to make up for it), would have done it in an hour. Did I mention that I hate excercise in the best of circumstances, so I'm technically unfit, as well as athmatic and very thin? Granted, my dad normally does the job in half in hour, but, when you consider he is in good shape and in his fifties... * Anyone and everyone who competes in Cross Country and/or any of Track & Field's running events, even moreso if they happen to have asthma. It is not unheard of for an athlete to ''crawl across the finish line'' [[MetalGear in a way not unlike Snake's single most tear jerkingly awesome moment (minus the whole 'radiated to hell and back' part)]], not to mention that the first meet of a season, league meet, any large sized meet, and if one qualifies, regional and state meets are automatic AwesomeMoments. There is a reason that we runners claim that "Our sport is your sport's punishment", and that "Running is the precursor to Hell". [[BadassBoast If running is the precursor to Hell, then we are the Lords of Darkness!!]] ** Preach, mofo!!! We are the definition of AwesomeYetPractical!!! * The whole world may hate me...Everyone can try to break me...BUT I DO NOT BEND! I KEEP GOING UNTIL I'M DEAD! RAWWWWR!

* While ThisTroper was in bootcamp and during the FinalTest known as the crucible one of his friends' tore his calf muscle the day before it started. However, not wanting to end up in boot camp longer than he had to be he kept going and hiked the 50+ miles and did the obstacles associated with the event all without limping or looking injured. Then, to further prove his determination, one of his shoulder straps ripped (the one opposite of his good leg) while hiking up the last hill (known as the Reaper) and still made it up. Then he hiked back down the mountain (he was given the option of being driven back down but refused) without the mainpack, and marched perfectly during the Eagle, Globe and Anchor ceremony. He was such a bad ass that he got meritoriously promoted for what he did in those three days * While my family has it's share of determinators, one particular example stands out, my great grandmother. She even showed shades of CrazyAwesome and MagnificentBastard, [[NeverMessWithGranny and remained that way even into old age]], but her refusal to give up on anything bordered on insanity. But before I explain, a little backstory. After WWII had ended, in my home country Croatia, which was then part of Yugoslavia, there was a communist regime, and all peasants were forced to give a significant amount of their harvest to the government. My great grandmother refused to do so, but there were spies everywhere and any suspicious behaviour was reported, so during olive harvest she would just normally harvest olives in a sack, but on the way home, she would pick a moment when no one was looking and toss the sack in nearby bushes, then come back for it in the middle of the night. Now, olives are used to make olive oil, and to do that you need some heavy duty equipment, which she had in the basement of her house, but there was no way to get into the basement from within the house, and carrying a sack into your basement then coming out with bottles of olive oil was suspicious (spies, remember?), so she drilled down her kitchen floor into her basement so she could secretly process olives into oil. But there's more, one time there was a dispute with a neighbour (something about a gardening hose), he came over with his two sons to argue, her response? Punch him in the face, down a flight of stairs, while his two sons watched. The two the simply carried their father home, and no one ever tried to argue with her again. There was also another dispute with another neighbour, he built a two storey house with one of the walls on the property line, normally this wouldn't be a problem, but he put a window on the second floor of the house that looked into my great grandmothers property, and by law he could only do that if he had written permission. He didn't, he never even asked for it. So she told him: "You seal that window, or I'll do it for you." He didn't listen, so she built a two storey high wall on her side of the property line, and now when the neighbour opens his window all he has is some half a meter of space and a view of a big wall. * In certain cases, such as, for example, [[@/SoWeAteThem your]] eight-grade science class, which you happen to just barely not be failing at the time, adopting such personality traits can be useful and in fact may contribute to you coming out of said class with a B grade. In other cases, however, such as your brief stint in the highschool JV wrestling team as a freshman, this results in you getting

the scorn [[AcceptableTargets and acceptability as a target]] of your then-teammates for the rest of your tenure at high school, as going down like a limp noodle and lasting through, never mind winning, two entire matches tends to turn attending every practice and game you were physically capable of attending to be a negative attribute rather than a positive one. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Of course, the above-mentioned situation is purely hypothetical and bears no relevance to my life whatsoever.]] ** Another one: My dog used to run out of the house at any given opportunity and go loose throughout the city. The last time this happened, she was hit by a truck. She's a small terrier. She was quite hurt, so there was but one thing I could think to do--walk to the vet, dog in arms. I managed to travel quite a length until two members of staff from my high school recognized me and drove us the rest of the way there. The dog is also a case as well, with multiple cases (even one where we were convinced we'd have to euthanize her) to her name. * I have a ''tree'' in my front yard that corresponds to this. It's a cherry tree with three huge main limbs splitting across a short distance from the trunk. Now the trunk was already split almost down the middle when we got the house some five or six years ago, and gave out cherries like a factory. A year or two ago, this massive crack was heard, and it wasn't until a few months later we discovered that had been the trunk splitting down to the ground, with one of the branches now hanging out over the street. Everyone said we should have it ripped up, as it couldn't possibly give anymore fruit. Two years later, we still haven't finished last year's (frozen, so many were there) cherries, and the new ones are already coming in. Not bad for a dead tree. * This troper has been beat up, insulted, was born with his appendix in his chest and his small intestine twisted to the point that he could not digest food and required surgery at the age of four months, belittled by teachers, and suffers from migraine headaches. When, a few weeks ago, his girlfriend dumped him for another guy, he fell into a state of complete depression and attempted suicide twice, convinced that the world would be better without him. And yet, he is still alive. I know that this example is not as inspiring or tear-jerking as other examples on this page, but I needed to make my plight known. * This troper used to go to a school where Sports Day was basically 'Humiliate-the-non-sporty-kids' Day. I knew a girl who was more than a little overweight and she was dreading the races because ''everyone'' has to participate. But dear lord, she ran every one of those races right to the end, even when kids fitter than her gave up, and it took more than a head wound to stop her jumping the hurdles. If anyone deserves the title of Determinator, it's her. * The two best friends of this troper. One has a congenital heart condition and had open heart surgery as an infant. The doctors didn't know if he'd make it to his fifth birthday. He's 18 and other than poor stamina, is in perfect health. My other friend, I swear to god, Determinated her way through clinical depression. * Of course this is nothing compared to the tales of perseverance some tropers have, but while normally even cowardly I find myself reverting to this in three situations; strategy video games, running and

writing. * The troper is this when it comes to finding videos on the internet nothing come hell or high water will stop me. Oh yeah and strategy video games for me to. * One time when I was playing outside, I wanted to use my kite. Problem was, it was hopelessly tangled. I wound up standing out there for a good thirty minutes, winding string through loops and twists until I finally got that mass of tangled thread back to normal. When I was done, there was just enough sunlight to get a little bit of flight. * It was five weeks ago. I was walking home from my college class, crossing the street, when I was hit by a car. I just got back up, onto a sprained ankle, and walked over to the side of the road, and kept going for a little bit longer. Some friends saw me soon after, and after an argument, took me to a hospital. I dunno whether I should just chalk this up to adrenaline in hindsight, but my family sure seemed suprised. * Everything I've ever set my mind to has been done. It didn't matter how hard it was, how long it would take. In video games, I could sit for hours playing on the toughest difficulties imaginable, with the toughest self-imposed challenges possible, trying and trying. When everyone else had already left the game, I kept playing. I would die at the same spot, 100 times in a row and refuse to turn the difficulty down. But it only happens if I set my mind towards a given task's completion. If I don't care about it or don't like it, well, needless to say I tend to retreat from it and give up easily. * This troper had a friend in her PE class who hated to loose, despite being not very good at sports. turning a game of Rocks- a little like capture the flag, but with no jail and four flags per team- she singlehandedly organized her team from a rag-tag bunch of misfits into a competent team. we were losing pretty badly, and if we didn't get a flag back, we were going to loose- so she ordered a bunch of people to go after flags, and ran herself, at the flags rather than as a distraction, like she'd been doing. halfway across the field, one of the other team players tripped her, and she fell pretty hard- her shoe went flying. she could have gone to sit out, but rather, she stood up and limped back to her side- and started back towards the flags. our team won the round, and the next. at the end of the last round, she even managed to grab the last flag. * [[{{Tropers/Skyhawk431}} This troper]] is completely determined to at some point in his life be the owner of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lambay_Island Lambay Island]]. (Don't ask why, I really have no idea) ----

DeterminedDefeatist * This Troper is basically this - [[SelfDeprecation Self Deprecation]], and all that (details, details...), where one of his mottos are basically, "It's not going to work, but I'm trying it anyways!" I think that's both optimism and pessimism at the same time...

* This is basically [[@/{{Icarael}} my]] personal philosophy. Even if I know that I will die unloved, unmourned and unknown, even if I know that my dreams are unattainable, even if I know that all of my efforts will come to nothing in the end, no matter how hard I try, I will continue to live and pursue my impossible dreams. It just gets tiring being this pessimistic sometimes.

DeusExMachina * This troper once became a Deus Ex Machine when he woke his friend up who would've overslept his finals. * This troper, one day, was supposed to meet up with a friend before class to work on homework. That morning, feeling in need of more sleep, he decided to sleep some more. Instead of oversleeping, however, he was saved by his phone going off due to an unrelated call from his haircut place. It just so happened that he had set his phone's ring volume to maximum, making it loud enough to wake him up. * This troper was just leaving work when I crashed and totaled my first car. With no cell phone and no friends in the area, I thought I was screwed. Cue two friends I hadn't seen in years arriving on the scene instantly to give me a ride home. Turned out the crash happened in front of their house; they'd been living across the street from my workplace in my hometown for months and none of us had known it. * Don't we all just love it when the teacher's absent on the day the paper's due? * This troper, designated to bring the construction paper for his group's project, forgot to bring it on the day itself. Cue in a guy from the other group who, [[CrazyPrepared out of utter craziness,]] brought TWO pieces of construction paper. Asked the guy to give me one, and problem solved. * This troper has an exam he has to do tomorrow but he has not revised in the slightest. I just went to the bathroom, to find it... Uh.. [[{{Squick}} Half-digested]]. Also I threw up. Woo! * When I was younger, I managed to somehow spin in the air and land on my feet, after my friend pushed me off a ledge. On a later date, another guy put a firecracker in my jacket. I thought my neck would explode and just stood there. Nope. It just made a hole in my jacket. * When I was much younger, my dad was holding me down while my sister was running up to spank me. Then I farted just as she was winding her hand back. * Played with when this troper's 8th grade drama class was doing improv. The scenario was four co-workers stuck in an elevator. However, the class was going to end in a minute or so, so one guy came up with the brilliant line of "Wait! I have an axe in my suitcase!" and then chopped open the elevator doors. * This troper once organized a soccer team to play in a tournament where all the money spent on organizing would be used to help cure cancer. Day of the tournament comes, troper throws up, and is unable to play. * One of the things that I'm revising in my novel is one of these that happened by accident. One of the villains did something that caused a very short earthquake, and I realized that the scene where this

happened happened at the exact same time that one of the secondary protagonists was fighting TheDragon -- and that the protagonist doing the fighting had a tendency to do a lot of jumping around while fighting. The end result: An earthquake happened that knocked TheDragon off her feet, while leaving the protagonist untouched (Because she was in the air at the time). It didn't really resolve the situation (TheDragon ended up winning the fight anyway), but it came off as contrived regardless. * A reality is stranger then fiction moments; Once while working from home (my job involves lots of computer work, I'm here at TVTropes alot) I fell asleep during a 15min break by mistake, my phone went off due to an unrelated event, woke me up exactly 15min after I started my break, and saved my hide. * This troper WAS the Deus Ex Machina once. We were playing a game related to American history. Our team was dominating so our teacher decided to mix things up and send the two smartest kids in the class (me and a friend) to the other class (we had split up our classes to play against each other.) The moment we walked in, our classmates were overjoyed, because they were really behind. The moment the teacher started again, we knew the answers. BOTH halves of our class beat the other class in the end. ---Go back to DeusExMachina, and while you're at it, thank God for bailing you out ---<<|TroperTales|>>

Diary ''This is about the process of '''keeping''' a diary or journal. For Troper Tales of '''finding''' a SecretDiary, check and post to the troper tales there.'' ---* [[{{Tropers/Pittsburghmuggle}} This troper]] has kept a diary/journal since he was 15, and is 36 now. He doesn't hold himself to an entry every day, but feels guilty when he doesn't. I'm particular about writing in it with a black pen and using those gradeschool composition books for them - I'm on number 23 of those now. I insist on keeping the original hard-copy instead of digital because it would be too easy to copy/e-mail/print, or if a disaster happened and I didn't have electricity to type. I had attempted to keep one a few times before, but the first "official" entry is November 3, 1990 when my mother attempted suicide. Most of the very early entries are normal teenage boy angst, though "why can't I get a girlfriend", "why do I jerk off so much", "I'd like to at least KISS a girl", etc. I kept it up every few months or more often if something big was going on, but the desire hit in 2003 to have my life written down and clarified for my kids when I'm older or the unthinkable happens. My diary is private (box in the top of the closet) - I reserve that right because if anyone could pick it up I wouldn't be completely candid when I write in it. When my wife and I are having one of those grumbly weeks all couples have it's nice to get my thoughts out in a constructive

fashion and then reread them to see if I'm really in the right or not. I do read excerpts aloud to my wife and kids, though - like family vacations I've chronicled, etc. I've been trying to type the diary up, but after nine volumes it has gotten dull (I'm up to 2004 now). * ''"Dear diary... why do people always write "dear diary"? Do you sign diary entries like you sign letters, too? I dunno, maybe I'm thinking too much. But if I'm to address you, you should have a name. You will be called the Resonant Requiem. Oh, don't look at me like that, it's a lovely name..."'' ItGotWorse. * [[@/RedWren This troper]]'s diary would seriously annoy any historians. She writes about big things, but since ''really'' big things tend to leave her reeling, you would, for instance, find a tragic poem or story instead of and entry stating what happened on 9/11. And most of it is her internal though process: thoughts, epiphanies, stories... * [[@/{{endlessness}} This troper]] keeps a sort-of diary (not sorted by date, just random ramblings and notes) in a password-protected Dropbox account - sort of a single-user, password-protected Tumblr (which he can't get used to). * This [[@/{{foxgaze}} troper]] keeps a spiral book diary and has an E-Diary for a 'Just In Case' moment. She has only had a diary once, this being her first time, except for some terrible diary-things she made when she was 8-10 years old. This troper is terrified of having someone go through her diary, even keeping a list of what she would do if her diary was ever read through. She even made a small script of what to say. I'm not CrazyPrepared about this, why would you say that? ---Close or lock this up and put it away where no one can find it so you can [[{{Diary}} go back to the Diary main page]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch * My neigbour is Korean, and he doesn't speak much English, so he usually gets the slang wrong. It's funny. ** [[BackToTheFuture Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?]] * When I was young, I knew somebody who had moved to America when he was about 4 from England. He purposely tried to say "bloody" as much as possible simply as a way of trying to get in touch with his homeland... the problem being that he was basically just getting in touch with the Hollywood version of his homeland (I have no idea why his parents didn't just correct him). ** I'll bet [[RuleOfFunny I can guess]]. * This English Troper consistently uses words like "bugger" and "pillock" on online forums that would ban him for using "ass" or "hell" too much. {{Rule Of Funny}}. * Averted (hopefully) in one of this troper's stories, which takes place in Scotland, particularly Glasgow. I actually bothered to look up the blasted Glasgow patter so that I could make the story actually accurate. Hopefully.

** No one understands Glaswegian other than Glaswegians. I wouldn't worry. * This troper's sister has a funny story where one of her friends' older siblings (No it's not an urban legend...I've met the person in question) was an exchange student to the UK in the 90s. One of her first days in class, she had a nosebleed and said "I have a bloody nose!". Then she was sent to the Headmaster's office because they "Don't allow that type of language here". ** And no-one asked why she was so surprised at her possession of a nose?! Hmmm... * This troper has gotten into trouble on more than one occasion (this is when he was younger) where he used "bloody" as an expletive. His parents immediately told him to knock it off. * This troper once wrote a short story set in Edinburgh for an exam. He got complimented on the accuracy and level of detail, thus proving that the correcting teacher didn't know anything about the place, either. * RadioactiveZombie's Shadowrun character was a weirdo from London, who used Chav to describe wiggers and annoying gangbangers (the MUD he was playing on, he only pissed off the admin [[[FridgeLogic who was Australian. Go figure]]]). He did use Cockney Rhyming Slang, but that was short-lived (another Australian who lived in Brisbane, which apparently has a large amount of British Expatriates, noted that they were pretty outdated for Shadowrun and IRL, too) ** He does have a tendency to use "flat", "mum", and "cunt", amongst other things in real life, too, though they're accurate in the case they're used. * This troper got into an argument with a boy who'd lived in England for a year over what the word "tosspot" meant. I forgot how the argument ended, but the next time I saw my English sister-in-law, I asked her and I turned out to be right. Since the guy in question no longer went to the same school as me, I asked his cousin, who happens to be my best friend, for his phone number just so I could call him up and tell him I was right before hanging up on him. ** According to Tolkein (see the scene with the Wood-Elves in Mirkwood in ''TheHobbit'', for instance), "tosspot" means "one who drinks heavily" (toss == a sudden throwing motion, as might be made in downing a drink in one; pot == another name for a drinking glass, esp. a pint glass). But it's seldom if ever used in that sense nowadays. * This troper says "bloody" a lot because she does not like saying American swear words. This, combined with the fact that she talked about a trip to Australia, led several people on a forum she was once a part of to assume she was Australian. * This American troper likes to take advantage of people [[DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch Not Doing The Bloody Research]]: this has primarily resulted in her curse of choice being an emphatic "bugger!" -- because it sounds ''less'' crude than [[ClusterFBomb the alternative]] while actually being cruder (and because people will still know she's serious when she breaks out the PrecisionFStrike). And the kicker? [[DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch Nobody ever notices.]] * This American Troper's high school decided "twat" would be a good word of the week. The administration also thought that it would be a

good idea to encourage the students to call each other twats in place of "real" swear words. * This American troper is prone to using 'bloody' and 'bugger', because it means she can swear without getting in trouble. * This Canadian troper has taken a liking to saying 'bloody', 'bugger' and similar words recently simply because they just roll well off the tongue. It doesn't help that she was watching several British comedies not too long ago. * Probably as a result of spending too much time with British literature ([[{{Pun}} read]]: TerryPratchett); this American troper has taken to using "bugger" as his default expletive. Then there's his usage of "arse" instead of "ass", "Oi!" instead of "hey!", and "bloody bugger", the last of which is most probably [[DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch gramatically and idiomatically incorrect]], but it's a force of habit, so he uses it anyway. ** The last of which sounds ... pretty horrible if you imagine them literally. ** [[{{Tropers/Betterthanstrawberry}} This troper]] used to have the online catchphrase "[[ShareTheMalePain Bloody bollocks]]". Note that English isn't even my first language, but it does bring up some interesting mental images. * [[GibberingTroper This troper]] will admit to falling victim to the TropeNamer and being called on it by his bloody student (who was first generation British American.) She struggled with math but she new her arts and cultures. * The single "Uptown Top Ranking" was in heavy Jamaican English throughout. According to one of my mother's fellow teachers, the BBC would probably have banned it if they'd understood what the lyrics said. * This troper's baby boomer parents have chewed her out for using the word "bloody", even when it was a complete misunderstanding (as in "Who left these bloody bones in the sink?"). Understandable, since they were born in a time and a place where many Canadians still thought of themselves as British subjects while the following generations developed the notion of a purely Canadian identity. ** This troper (born in Canada, raised in the US) once got chewed out by his baby-boomer Canadian mother after using "arse" as a euphamism for "ass". (For her, of course, it's the other way around). * I know this is for a "It Just Bugs Me" page, but I didn't feel to create such a page, so I'll ask: when the British say 'Bloody Mary', in reference to that queen, it really means Bloody Mary in the same sense as 'Damned Mary' or 'Cursed Mary' or '(censored) Mary', or it's just because she was a violent ruler? ** I believe the name Bloody Mary came long before Bloody was considered an expletive, but I'm not entirely sure myself to be honest. *** The Bloody in Bloody Mary refers to her literally being covered in blood, due to her habit of having Protestants executed. *** I was always told that "bloody" rarely referred to actual blood, but was once pronounced as "By our lady" (The Queen). Over time, the words merged into something like "b'luddy" and it was just a coincidence that the word already existed. "Swearing Bloody Mary"

would likely mean just to swear by the Queen. * This troper's bloody science teacher used the bloody word "bloody" all the [[RuleOfThrees bloody]] time. * [[{{Tropers/Gilgameshkun}} I]] grew up on a small island in the northwest Pacific. We spoke English. And this island wasn't that stuffy or conservative either--it had a thriving gay community and public beach, etc. But my experienced vocabulary was very different from what I later encountered in the United States and on the Internet. Words I had known to be taboo at least to some degree: "ass", "bastard", "bitch", "dick", "fag", "faggot", "fuck", "jackass", "jap", N-word, "piss", "pussy", "shit", lord's name in vain. And words I was never sure were taboo or not: "homo", "hump", "jerkoff", "lesbo". And words I'd never heard until I was an adult: "arse", "batty", "bugger", "chink", "cunt", "douchebag", K-word, "shite", "spastic", "tranny", "twat", "wank", "wetback", "whang", "yiff". And known words I'd heard/used but never in a taboo manner, and only learned as an adult they could be taboo: "bang", "bloody", "cock", "come", "cracker", "dyke", "fanny", "frog", "gay", "prick", "queen", "queer", "roger", "shag", "snatch", "sod", "spaz". As for "spaz" and "spastic", I only learned ''today'' that they were taboo anywhere at all. ** This Australian troper is rather amused at what you've chosen to censor there and what rankings you've given them. I also had to look up the K-word, and got several different examples. Just goes to show, every place is different. *** The K-word that's used against Jewish people. Never heard it until I was an adult. And I recently learned about ''another'' vile uncivilized word I'd never heard before -- the S-word specifically used by Americans against Mexicans. * This British troper has an American friend who insists on using things like 'bloke' and 'mate' to supplement 'guy' and 'buddy' or what have you. I find it mildly amusing. * This troper is a semi-regular poster on [=StarDestroyer=].net, whose admin team are famous for their loathing of racism and homophobia. Since I'm a fairly GenreSavvy kind of guy, the {{Homeworld}} fanfic I posted in the User Fiction sub-forum carried a small disclaimer explaining that "fag" is a British colloquialism for a cigarette. * This American troper had a Spanish teacher born in the U.S. that once suggested to her class, which had a [[FMinusMinus low passing rate on quizzes,]] that we "don't wank around" (not doze off) in class. * This troper once got frustrated in art class and said "Bollocks!" under her breath. Her art teacher, not from Britain but knowledgeable in those kinds of things, quickly told her what it really meant. She hasn't used it in public since, naturally. * Back in the Neolithic Era, on Compuserve, we were having some load times delays and I posted a thread titled "Why are things taking so bloody long to load?" A British user couldn't believe I could say "bloody" on a family-friendly forum. * This troper has an odd... variation? Inversion? In any case, when I was six or so, I saw a picture of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Basil%27s_Cathedral St. Basil's

Cathedral]], and I thought it was pretty much the coolest thing ever. Later, I discovered that if I made a fist and pointed my middle finger upward, it kinda resembled one of those magnificent, colorful domes. I immediately ran over to my dad and shared my discovery, thinking he'd be totally impressed. He patiently explained to me what that gesture actually meant, and that I shouldn't ever use it. In retrospect, I'm just glad my naivet didn't get me in serious trouble on that occasion. * This British troper was working in an American summer camp when one of the kids flipped the Vs at me. They were actually doing the "I'm watching you" gesture but weren't close enough to their eyes for me to realise this, and I was rather offended. I also thought it was strange how "crap" was a totally acceptable word to say over there, when my own parents made it quite clear that it was rather rude. * Yeah, over here "crap" is pretty tame, it's often even used on children's television as a substitute for "shit". But anyway, when I was maybe 11 or twelve, I had never heard [[CountryMatters the "C" word]] before, and a relative of mine was commenting on how inappropriate my initials were (CNT). I didn't know what he meant, and he asked me to pronounce the letters as a word. I pronounced them as he had asked, and earned a shocked look from my mother, and laughter from the rest of the room. * This British troper once, in an rp with some Americans, had his character 'smoke a fag.' * This troper uses "Bugger" a lot when something happens that annoys him. He also once thought that there was a bad word in ''TheHobbit'' when the main cast got to Rivendell and the song that the elves sang involved the line "The faggots are reeking", meaning "The fire is burning", I guess. ---Judging by your gratuitous use of the words "Wanker" and "Spastic", I'd have to say that you really should go back to DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch. <<|TroperTales|>>

DidNotEatTheMousse * [[DFarrey This troper]], back in junior high, was once in line for lunch. This nazi-lady who presided over the cafeteria enforced imaginary rules and sent everyone from about 4 places in front of this troper all the way to the back of the line back to their seats for being too loud. This troper hadn't opened his mouth since he got up and was really hungry, so he refused to comply. Nazi-woman sent him to the office. When he got there, the secretary told him to go ahead and get his food anyway. * Back in the fourth grade, I had this mean teacher who loved to punish us kids. One day, some of the students in class were a bit too loud, so she kept us in during lunch. We usually had lunch at around 12:35 (which is already pretty late), but she kept us in until 1:20. This one boy had to use it, but she didn't let him. So he ended up using it on himself. At first, no one noticed. But then we heard

crying from the back, and saw what happened. Our teacher approached him and basically said "You're crying for no reason whatsoever. You stunk up the whole classroom! Now we have to waste cleaning materials because you couldn't hold it in!" ** How did you all not lynch this woman? * This troper had a strict third grade teacher there was one particularly bad kid if he did something wrong near the end of class she gave the entire class detention even though we did nothing wrong. ** The theory is that the other students will hate the perpetrator for getting them in trouble and reform them by peer pressure. In reality, the students generally side with anyone rebelling against such an unfair teacher. ** [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] experienced something like that in the last year he went to an RA meeting at his church. Because the leaders of our group where tired of us pointing the finger whenever someone caused trouble, they introduced a new rule called "teamwork"; if one of us caused trouble, than everyone did push-ups as punishment. ** [[InkkiBookman This little troper]] remembers various times when the teachers tried the ''TheDirtyDozen'' style of punishing everyone for an individual's misbehaviour; either you end up with a tough-guy troublemaker who loved the fact everyone gets punished for his behaviour thus cause even MORE disruption to the class OR the teacher is dismayed to find that the student who cause all of us to be punished gets the crap beaten out of him which is actually more or less how this ''TheDirtyDozen'' style of punishment is SUPPOSED to work. Said teachers tend to quickly abandon the technique after that. * My class was once held back from going to lunch for a half hour. [[MS3049 This troper]] has medical conditions that make him prone to fainting, random drops in blood pressure, gnawing pain in my stomach if I don't eat enough, and has issues with blood sugar. I ended up in the nurses office for a good hour due to inablity to stand because the compounding results of this. I was told that, "In the future, your classmates should be quieter and this wouldn't happen." ** Wow, I hope you punched somebody out. (Or at least sued.) *** I second that comment with the addendum that we hope the defendant lost large sums of money. * No more than ten out of [[{{MiraShio}} my]] class of nearly thirty students did not put down their guitars even after repeatedly being reprimanded by our Grammar teacher. The result? A sermon from nearly all our teachers a couple of days later, which lasted for three-and-ahalf hours and caused lots of tears. Subverted in that some of us had been misbehaved for most of the year already, and that last incident was what crossed the line. * This Troper's sixth grade class was regularly punished as a group for the actions of one of its members. In a class with over 30 students, at least half of which were underperforming teenagers who were repeating it for the third or fourth time, this meant a neverending stream of punishments. Frequent complaints of "I haven't done anything wrong!" were met with an explicit explanation that they were being punished anyway to encourage the class to exert peer pressure on the single guilty party. Ultimately, it worked; a threatening note was left in someone's locker. When it was discovered by the school

administration, they cancelled classes and got everyone together for a big meeting where they declared "we're a big school family, and we don't do things like that." After which they went straight back to imposing mass punishments to encourage peer pressure. ** [[YouFailLogicForever They fail logic (and psychology) forever]]. It's amazing that such dumbasses are allowed to run schools. * ThisTroper once had a [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin late bus]] driver in seventh grade who decided that, because three or so kids in the back ([[UnfortunateImplications who also happened to be ethnic]]) were talking really loud on ''her bus'', we *all* would have to sit with the bus parked by the side of the road until she felt good and ready to drive again. She did it once and I figured she wasn't serious. But then she did it again about two blocks from my house, and declared that since the three kids in the back were still talking (and not even that loudly this time), she was keeping us until six o'clock at night. It was four or so, and I was getting sick of being punished for something I and most of the other kids didn't even do, so I tried to explain politely to her that I really needed to get home, and my house wasn't that far, so she could let me off the bus. But no, she so much wanted to exert power over a group of random kids on a bus that she began to call my parents rather nasty names. Loudly. Loud enough that the entire bus could hear her. Instead of telling her my name and getting written up, or sitting back down and letting her win, [[TakeAThirdOption I calmly told her goodbye and jumped out the back escape door of the bus, then walked home and told my mother about the situation]]. AndThereWasMuchRejoicing, even though I lost my bus privileges the rest of the year and had to bike to school, even in the winter. It was totally worth it, though - [[HoistByHisOwnPetard the driver was summarily fired]]. ** Awesome! *applauds troper* ** There ''is'' a theism whose deity exists. ** [[MadeOfWin You win at life.]] ** Are you female? If so, are you available? ** Hell, I'd take them if they were a dude. Much applause, troper! * The summer camp [[@/SoWeAteThem I]] spent my middle-school years in was was wont to do this, especially after the the manager became a counselor. ** A case from high-school civics: After much disobedience from a few students in the class, the teacher snapped and made everyone, and I do mean ''everyone'' spend the next several days making notes from the entire third chapter, which was no mean feat in the face of all the other homework. * This troper once had a rather surprising aversion in high school; the whole class was supposed to be in detention over break because someone had been writing on the desks. Whereupon said class, who were generally not, shall we say, one big happy family, told the teacher that it absolutely ''couldn't'' have been this troper or her friend, because we 'wouldn't do something like that'. We got to go and have our break. * This troper was walking to class with some friends, when she said ([[CuteButCacophonic in her constantly loud voice]]), "That sucks!" A teacher that was walking past us stopped, and said to me, "Let me tell

you something - and the rest of you can listen, too, if you want". She then lectured me on my usage of that "foul" word and my friends stayed with me. She then let us go. We got to class late, and we all got lectured for it. ---If SOMEONE doesn't admit to returning to DidNotEatTheMousse, you'll ALL have to stay on this page for an hour! <<|TroperTales|>>

DidYouDie * This Troper's mother has a habit of this ([[EvilMatriarch though it's certainly not her worst problem...]]) "I'm at my dad's house now." "Did you get there on the train alright?" ** That actually generally means, in This Troper's experience, "Were there any problems on the way over there?" not "Did you get there?" Though yeah, it does sound stupid sometimes. * " Aren't you dead yet?" is pretty much the standart greeting between me and some of my friends. * Slightly subverted, but this troper, when asked where somebody is, has a tendency to reply with "He/She died." ** Same with me, but I sometimes substitute with "I ate them." * After calling a coworker's name behind her back: -->'''Coworker:''' Don't ever do that to me again. My mother used to say that if you heard someone say your name behind your back and you looked and no one was there, you would die. -->'''Me:''' Has that happened to you before? -->'''Coworker:''' Yes... -->'''Me:''' Did you die? ** May not actually count, because obviously I was just being a smartass about her superstition. * When this troper's maternal grandparents met, Grandma was casually dating another guy. The two of them were in a car accident one night, and the first words Grandma heard as she regained consciousness were "did I kill you?" She started dating Grandpa after that. ---[[SoWhatYouAreSaying And you say]] you went back to DidYouDie? Did you make it back out?!

DidYouJustHaveSex %%Please don't add outright porn, obvious fiction, or anything involving underage sex (whatever that means where you are) * {{This troper}} and her boyfriend, despite only doing oral. {{This troper}} was going down on her boyfriend while he was playing COD live with some friends. He started making mistakes, and got "Are you getting it on?" Awkward silence... ** ...Anthony? Is that you? * A friend of mine who tends to take his gaming rather seriously shrugged off a couple of stupid mistakes from team members one afternoon, leading to the obvious question. Thing was, his friends

thought they were being funny (he was significantly less experienced than they were), until the several minute silence. Yeah... * Happened to {{this troper}}. I came into work with a big grin on my face, and it was the first question asked. * [[ThisTroper This high school troper]] once saw a maths teacher with a big grin making his way down the corridor. He was intercepted by another maths teacher (female) who started giving him little friendly punches in the shoulder and yelling "YOU GOT LAID." * My girlfirend and I visited a castle, there were very few visitors that day, so we went to the Countess' chamber and ... ensued. Later, we met Father John, a priest I know. [[AwesomenessByAnalysis He calculated the whole situation from the fact that I was wearing my Sunday clothes on a Monday. Therefore, Sunday night, I had not slept at home.]] ** .......Is Father John Batman? * {{This troper}} has on two separate occasions known when people had sex completely from intuition. The first time was sophomore year of high school. I saw a friend sitting at the cafeteria and knew immediately even though she acted no different from usual. The other time was junior year of college when again, I saw a friend across the dining hall and called him out immediately. Once again, he wasn't acting any different from usual. This doesn't work on people who have sex all the time. It's a strange power; fear people like me making your life just a little more awkward thank it was before. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] brother was a virgin when he ran away to New York with his boyfriend. When he came home for Christmas, he was way, ''way'' more upbeat than usual. We were all quite proud of him. * {{This troper}} once got to one of his classes... 25 minutes late because he didn't feel like going to class. Cue different variations of this question being asked when he sits down. * [[ThisTroper This troper's]] best friend tends to be in a good mood after having virtual sex in chatrooms. * This is a {{running gag}} for characters in my FanFiction; a 13 year old girl figured it out just by looking at her older brother's smile one morning. * {{This troper}} came home from staying at a female friend's house after playing [[DungeonsAndDragons D&D]] that night with a group of friends. His mother watched him for a few seconds, and said "You're not a Virgin anymore, are you?" I was happy to finally get that monkey off my back at 19. ** Yes... [[DungeonsAndDragons Dungeons & Dragons]] lead to my lost virginity. *** That...is [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome AWESOME!]] ** Hax * {{This troper}} once had this facetiously asked of her after coming out of a practice room with a male friend she had a duet with and (allegedly) had messed up hair. The twist being that she and her friend were twelve and eleven at the time. * ThisTroper has a friend who can tell if people had sex recently. When asked, he explained that he could "smell it". Sounds sarcastic but he does have an incredibly sharp sense of smell.

* I had this happen to me after the first time I had sex with my ex girlfriend. I went out with friends the next day and the first thing one of them said was "you totally got laid, didn't you?" I never know how people can tell just by looking at you. ** It's more about smell than sight, due to the fact that humans have a kind of pheromone receptor in their noses (they also have a deposit of iron beneath the ethmoid bone that points them toward magnetic North, but that's another trope). ---%%Please don't add outright porn, obvious fiction, or anything involving underage sex (whatever that means where you are) Someone's in a good mood. Wait... DidYouJustHaveSex? ----

DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu TABLE TOP GAMES * Dungeons and Dragons: I didn't exactly kthill Cthul, but I did kthill his cthousin Steve, a giant squid. I had a Shock spell prepared, but I needed to get in position to cast it. It tried to grab me twice and missed, meanwhile it had eaten two members of the Party. I cast the spell, but it made its saving roll, what a disappointment. But that was the saving roll for its body; it failed the saving roll for its tentacles. Pop, pop, pop, all the tentacles fell off and it sank to the bottom of the sea, the sea, the sea. Then I swam down, slashed at its mouth, scored a critical hit and cut a hole big enough to free my comrades. ** Missed me once = 1/10 chance; missed me twice = another 1/10; missed saving throw = 1/4; attack = 1/20; critical hit = 1/3; for a grand total of one chance in 24,000. * Real life: With a HumansAreCthulhu twist. My sister was draining her fish tank, only to suddenly exclaim "IT BIT ME!" and run off. The "It" in question was a fish roughly 1 inch in length, with no teeth. Think about this from the fish's perspective: a being several hundred times larger than you has just entered your home, and your first instinct is to taste it. Granted, it wasn't "punch out" so much as "send screaming to its mother" but still, that's pretty impressive considering the size difference. * Munchkin Cthulhu: I was playing Munchkin Cthulhu with 3 other people and the dungeon expansion, after the group voted to kill me, before my first turn, as a dungeon affect, I came back with a very good hand. Because of my Prehistoric Ax(+5), My Miner's Helmet (+2), Professor Telsas's Electrical Protective Device (PAT. Pending)(+4),a Flamethrower (Created Using Cinematic Rules)(+4), as well as being one of three cultists (+4), with a Backback Full Of Dynamite (+6) the first thing I fought was Great Cthulhu (Level 20) I beat him, alone, 26 to 20 on my first turn. And adding injury to insult, I got to keep my Backpack Full of Dynamite because I rolled a 6.

DREAMS * I had this retardedly weird dream where the {{God}} decided to make mathematics the universal language (I have no idea how that works, at least not literally), with FlyingSpaghettiMonster as his right hand...thing. Being BookDumb math hater, I was really so terrified and grabbed a folk and threw it and what do you know, it flew like a goddamned [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Lance of Longinus]] and flew like a missile, piercing the FSM and hitting the God right in the heart, sending him flying to the moon and pinning him. I must have been really exhausted, you know, too tired that you can't even sleep properly type. * I once had a (rather strange, yet slightly scary) dream wherin I went about my daily business (Wake up, catch bus, go to school, that kind of thing), but throughout the dream there was a figure that kept appearing, as if stalking me (a good comparison would be the Slender man), everything around this figure twisted and distorted (unusual, as my dreams usually look relatively normal, even if the events are not), the ground, walls and objects warped and stretched as if the figure was a black hole, the colours and even the lighting of things around the figure changed (Some objects were reflecting blinding light whilst others were pitch black) and quite frankly, he was a bit of an annoyance (even though he didn't say anything). My solution? [[GroinAttack Kick him in the nuts]]. WRITING * So I got bored in the middle of brain-storming for a story about omni-dimensional [[GameBreaker Game Breakers]], and decided to do a fun little exercise WhatIf segment taking place after the end of the story. Essentially, TheHero goes off on assignment to take back a universe from someone who just [[DidyouJustScamCthulhu stole the resident god's power]]. Dimension Lord versus God Usurper! Heaven or hell, let's rock! After a scant few fight items (slicing Earth in half, [[BeyondtheImpossible walking and talking in space]], a [[ColonyDrop moon throwing contest]], and making the sun go Red Giant), TheHero gets bored of handing out a CurbStompBattle and just [[RealityWarper punches the divinity out of the fucker.]] Then reminded him that the expanding sun should reach the parallel-Earth he was now stranded on in a few minutes. So I guess you could say it was more of a case of one Cthulhu punching out another Cthulhu. ---Ha! The [[OddJobGods God of Hyperlinks]] blocks your way back to DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu-- what do you mean, "I all ready beat him"?! ----

DidYouJustRomanceCthulhu * I once participated in a LARP based on the Cthulhu Mythos. One of

the players - an insane, evil sorcerer - had sex with [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shub-Niggurath Shub-Niggurath]] to gain power. * In this one {{Pokemon}} RP I do, Deoxys stuck his NaughtyTentacles in Elesa. Only she turned out to be a HumanoidAbomination many classes of power higher than Deoxys ([[StarfishAlien yes,]] ''[[PhysicalGod that]]'' [[OlympusMons Deoxys]]) was at the time, and much greater than he became until [[SwordOfPlotAdvancement the Blade of the Southern Cross]] chose him to wield it. Of course, for any other girl who gave herself to Deoxys, not only did she have the love and respect of one of the universe's more powerful and capable beings, but as a bonus she fit this trope! ---Oh, God. What is that thing? And why did it wink at you? Main/DidYouJustRomanceCthulhu?

DieForOurShip * This ''{{Disgaea}}'' fan said long ago, after seeing all the Vyers/Etna subtext in the PSP version's Etna Mode, "If Laharl dying were the only way to make this pairing happen, I'd be all for killing him off." though it was more because of what came from his what-if death than him actually being in the way. Regardless, about two years later, I laugh at myself for thinking that way. ** This Troper thought something among these lines too, but she is also a Laharl/Etna shipper, so that didn't make much of a difference.the one that REALLY got her anger on her early {{Disgaea}} days was [[{{Ojou}} Rozalin]], as she ships [[IdiotHero Ad]][[LauncherOfAThousandShips ell]] with just about everyone else, and the awfully clich'd BelligerentSexualTension got on her nerves.Now she just makes them have a break-up instead of killing her off. * {{Tropers/Rebochan}}: I still remember a list of about 100 different reasons why Seiya Kou was better than Chiba Mamoru for Usagi, that included such enlightening reasons as "Mamoru sounds like mammary". This was circa 1998. I wrote a response to ''every single one''. I still feel guilty for getting caught up in the anti-Seiya fervor launched by the anti-Mamoru fans. The Seiya character is nowhere near the jerk the Mamoru-haters would have needed her to be for them to "win". * Happened to this troper in [[TruthInTelevision real life]] when her close male friend got himself a {{Tsundere}} girlfriend. It turned out half our school year had been shipping the two of us, and were now mortified by the sight of this new girl cuddling up to him in our Common Room. I wasn't bothered by it at all, but the girlfriend (understandably) took it rather badly and [[LoveMakesYouCrazy started going a bit nuts]]. They have since split up, prompting this troper to wonder about the psychological effects of shipping in real life, along with why the hell everyone was watching our group interaction so intently. We're not even that interesting! * This troper tends to do this. She doesn't take it very seriously anymore, but it's so much fun.

* This is one of [[@/{{Orihime}} this troper]]'s biggest fandom pet peeves ''ever''. To borderline BerserkButton extents. ** Rejoice, amigo. [[@/BlakeDiamond You are not alone]]. ** Count [[@/{{rheasilvia}} me]] in. Freakin' fangirls. ** [[Tropers/{{FreeRadical}} Same here!]] ** Ugh, tell me about it. Count me in too! ** It pisses [[Tropers/TropicalSnow me]] off to no end too! Join the club! ** Seventh... ed. I avoid shipping in fics in general, but that doesn't mean that I don't hate the idea of characters being derailed, killed off, or worse. ** [[Tropers/{{Chlortro}} Eighted...?]] I especially hate it when it's used on female characters to blame them for "breaking up teh yaoi" or "being Mary Sues/not ~feminist~/useless" ** [[Tropers/ZeniTheWonder Ninthed]] (which is apparently not a word, but oh well). Even if it's a fic about a pairing I love bashing a pairing I loathe, it drives me crazy. It's a lazy plot device to create cheap, contrived conflict. It generally is coupled with taking the ship in focus and derailing them into SickeninglySweethearts. It's predictable, cliche, and overdone. Heck, I've seen people create [=OC=]s as rival love interests with [[FlatCharacter no personality beyond being a manipulative jerk]] for someone in the main couple solely to invoke this trope. * [[{{@/Taelor}} This Troper]] freely admitts to doing this to [[{{Jerkass}} Tomo]] of ''AzumangaDaioh'' for the sake of [[DeadpanSnarker Yomi]]/[[CloudCuckoolander Osaka]]. * [[TsundeRay This troper]] sorta feels this way towards [[MiraiNikki Akise]], in regards to Yukki/Yuno. * It may not be this trope exactly, but [[@/ShotgunNinja This Troper]] has a strong dislike towards the idea that the only person you can pair an ActionGirl with is the nearest {{Casanova}} (never mind [[FridgeLogic the idea that it'll be so easy for him to switch from polygamy to monogamy]], but that's a whole other issue), so any men of said archetype tend to get this treatment ([[TalesOfSymphonia Zelos]], [[TalesOfVesperia Raven]], [[{{Inuyasha}} Miroku]], [[KeychainOfCreation Racer]]...). While it involves hating the pairing and liking another, it's not even about who the girl ends up with so much as the guy in question being dropped off a cliff or [[PutOnABus onto a bus]]. * [[{{@/Pancho}} This troper]] once felt this way about Kairi when I was in my [[KingdomHearts KH]] craze for Sora/Riku. Of course, I've gotten over that and just decided to ship [[GirlsLove Kairi/Namine]] instead. Fun times for all! ** Wouldn't that technically be masturbation?... * Generally, I'm not this type. I did jokingly declare that Pete of Stargate SG1 should die so that Jack and Sam could be together, but I didn't really mean it. Now, I just sit back in bewilderment when people rip up the ship blockers. I often find myself liking the poor characters; I might even ship the pairing if it didn't interfere with an OTP. * I normally don't act like this in regards to my favourite pairings unless the obstacle in question is a genuinely annoying character; on

the few occasions I am like this, it is usually jokingly. Well, my OTP is [[UminekoNoNakuKoroNi Beatrice x Battler]]. So I look up Ep6 spoilers, and the firt thing I find is...[[spoiler: a screenshot of [[TheScrappy Erika]] about to get married to Battler]]. Aaaaand cue cries of [[BerserkButton "NOOOOOOO! YOU (insert assortment of profanities/degrading insults to women here)!!!!" ]] Fortunately, [[spoiler: I later learned it was one-sided, done to control Battler, and that Beatrice crashes the wedding]]. * This Troper, while watching Castle, totally believed that [[RomanticFalseLead Detective Demmings from Robbery]] was behind the murder just because he was a rival to Castle. And Castle was totally jealous because "Captain America" was bordering on MartyStu territory. This troper's guy friend was pretty much the same. * This troper used to be this way about Harry/Hermione, though I only ever bashed Ginny, not Ron. These days, I've grown disgusted with the Harry Potter fandom as a whole and am trying to avoid it as much as possible. * This Troper has this for many ships, such as Teyla when I shipped Weir/Sheppard etc, but I tried so hard to ship Ellie/Morgan on {{Chuck}}, but found that I couldn't wish DieForOurShip on Captain Awesome. He's just too awesome. * [[@/CalamityJane This Troper]] (who is too lazy to sign in properly) has a thing for [[OCStandIn OC Stand-Ins]], and pairs them off on occasion. However, there is a minor controversy for me; I pair u [[HelloNurse Red]] [[TheMedic Al]][[TeamMom ert]] and [[TheStoic Per]][[TheSmartGuy cep]][[TeamDad tor]], yet this is so freaking rare compared to Red Alert x [[PlayingWithFire Hot]] [[ObfuscatingStupidity Shot]] that I have grown a [[http://sihirahedgehog.deviantart.com/art/Rejected-165874749 really deep hatred of it]]. Good thing my friends who support it don't mind me hating its guts! * This troper was a die hard [[HarryPotter Snape/Lily]] shipper since the 5th book and was totally vindicated by the "Prince's Tale." I used to be a DieForOurShip Kirk/Spock fan, and still am as far StarTrekTheOriginalSeries is concerned, though I also like S/U and K/[=McCoy=] for the reboot. I also realized that I have GOT to stay away from message boards ran by crazy rabid Yaoi Fangirls fighting with right-wing homophobic nutjobs or my love for my favorite new fandom will be RuinedFOREVER. * This troper used to treat [[CodenameKidsNextDoor Numbuh 1/Lizzie]] on a rather neutral light in the first seasons she appeared. However as she started to fall into {{Jerkass}} territory, he admits to have joined his first DieForOurShip in his life. * This troper and her fandom friend both ship [[TheDreamer Alex/Bea]](Bamilton, Whamilton, Balex, either or) and when we found out that Alan had tuberculosis we were jumping with joy. We're rabid. * If this troper gets into a popular pairing full of this trope, she usually won't be bothered by the character in the way at first, but the fandom tends to push her into it. After a while, I learn that I don't care about the character so much, but how the opposing fandom is always smarter, more mature and logical than mine is, I'm jealous of them, and I want to make them look as stupid as possible, but I can't.

* I had a rather strange conversation with a girl during lunch one day. She had just finished telling me about the fanfic she was writing, where Draco wasn't a deatheater, ''Voldemort wasn't evil,'' (Of course, Dumbledore is) and Harry is a Slytherin. (I kind of made the mistake of going "Ohh, so its a [[PoesLaw parody fic!]]" to which she replied with an offended "Uh, no. Its an actual fic.") We had a conversation about why she so hates Gryffindor (especially Hermione and Ron, and calling JKR stupid because she didn't see that Harry was a true Slytherin. Harry. ''The character she wrote.'') So: --> '''Girl:''' Oh, and Ginny is ''not'' his true love! (The girl is, I think, a Draco/Harry shipper) --> '''Me:''' Uh, why? --> '''Girl:''' She's a slut! --> '''Me:''' Harry dates almost as much as she did. In two years, he dated two girls, the latter of which he married. In two years, she dated three guys, the last of which she married. --> '''Girl:'''...But she slept with a lot more! --> '''Me:''' Ok, now you're just making stuff up. --> '''Girl:''' ''She is a slut!'' ** this is also a case of rooting for the empire. *** She doesn't happen to be called Tara does she? Cough, cough, my immortal, cough * I want to do a deconstruction-like story that just tears apart [[SlashFic bad yaoi fics]] where the girl, who is actually a sweet girl, finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her with another man. Naturally, she's upset and the BastardBoyfriend tries to justify this by using her outburst as a justification but she [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech verbally thrashes him for being selfish]] and essentially leaves him. It's probably not gonna get done, though. ** I would love to see this. I can name a [[UnderStatement few]] fandoms that could be done. * Invered in one Fan Fic I wrote Harly and Ivy get blone to smitherines by Jokeer and find that the devil cuts the LGBT some slack. * This troper knew someone on fanfiction who insisted Sakura was not for Sasuke or Naruto because "she'z a dumb bimbo wit stupid hair, a [[RougeAnglesOfSatin falt]] chest, and is sooo stupid." Every one of her posts was about how stupid Sakura was. When someone wrote a thread bashing Yaoi, she went on there shouting that [[GodwinsLaw "Yur jus like Adolf Hittler, you just hate gay people]], fuk u, go die in a river while being eaten by crocodiles. Sasuke and Naruto r so cute together, they even kissed! Shut da fuck up, bunch of Nazis. No, Sasuke is not evil, he is just doin whats right, the village deserves it 4 killin those awesum Uchihas!!!!!1111!!!!" ** [[{{Narm}} Hahahahahaha! Man, that's hilarious!]] Sorry, but the whole 'go die in a river while being eaten by crocodiles' part cracked me up. Damn troll! Why would you go hating on Sakura (note that [[Tropers/{{FreeRadical}} this troper]] isn't even into ''{{Naruto}}'') to suit your [[YaoiFangirl yaoi]] fantasy ideas, attack her for no good reason, diss her for [[{{Pettanko}} being flat]] [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and then]] not even be sober while doing so!

* This is one of [[Tropers/TheGDude this troper's]] biggest peeve with the KingdomHearts fandom. Yes, he accepts gay people. Yes, he accepts your right to ship whoever you want. No, that doesn't mean he'll accept your [[DarthWiki/{{Ptitlew9bltta3dv6n}} So Bad It's Horrible]] RevengeFic. * this is also one of my pet peeve's I mean there could at least add a non mary sue OC or just pair Alice with anther character but nooo there have to blashed her or change her personality that and does anybody notice that half the girl take's a hit and the guy doesn't I mean what the heck?! * That really depends on my mood during the day but back then I sometimes feel like treating Shiro or Cute Pink or Racer (even though I really like Racer) in this kind of fashion for the sake of [[HoYay Shiro/Kuro]] or [[FanPreferredCouple Gold/CutePink]] * [[Tropers/{{Kankurette}} This troper]] is a Sakura Haruno fan, and is sick and tired of people playing her off against Hinata - and that includes on here - because they're the two girls most likely to get it on with Naruto. She thinks both girls would probably be great friends if Kishi bothered to make them interact, and would like to point out that Hinata beating some sense into Sakura would never happen. Hinata's above such stupidity. * [[Tropers/FreeRadical This tropette]] really doesn't think it's fair to hate on one character just because they get in the way of ''your'' {{OTP}}. I'd [[TakeAThirdOption rather just]] [[OneTrueThreesome ship the three of them together]] and call it a day. ** [[{{@/Icarael}} This troper]] agrees wholeheartedly. Why hate on a character who's in the way of your OneTruePairing when you can just have him/her share the love interest? Plus, [[FetishFuel threesomes are kinky]]. * This troper has seen [[EpicMickey Ortensia]] get this treatment rather horribly: Some people who [[FanPreferredCouple prefer Oswald with his first love Fanny Cottontail]]... ** turn Ortensia into a feline version of [[AvatarTheLastAirbender Azula]] that spends most of her time scheming about ways to [[MurderTheHypotenuse to get Fanny out of the picture]], usually ending with her getting treated to some rather humiliating and painful punishment that [[DesignatedVillain she apparently deserves]], ** turn Fanny into an [[TheBeautifulPeople EXTREMELY attractive]] [[SympatheticSue Sympathetic/]]PossessionSue that has [[DespairEventHorizon lost the will to live without Oswald's love]] on some select occasions, ** [[NeverLiveItDown bring up some of the less saintly things she's done as 'Sadie' in the Lantz/Mintz cartoons to make her look bad]], ** accuse her of being a CanonSue just because her name was derived from either [[MeaningfulName the word 'horticulture']] or [[BilingualBonus the Italian word 'orto' (garden)]], ** claim that she distracts from the Mickey/Oswald brotherhood plot despite having less than a minute of screentime (yeah, this troper checked), ** or, after decades and decades of happy marriage and family life, have Oswald [[EurekaMoment suddenly remember all the bad stuff Ortensia did as 'Sadie']], [[CharacterDerailment destroy every single

physical memory of her]], and [[MoralEventHorizon abandon her AND the Bunny Children without a second thought to look for Fanny and re-start life with her by his side.]] Most of the ugliness of this war has died down since, but it's still worth a mention, as this troper now feels ashamed for supporting Oswald x Fanny as 'old canon' * In AxisPowersHetalia I've noticed the hate for [[PluckyGirl Seychelles]] is basically "OMG she's [[YouKeepUsingThatWord Mary Sue]], trying to ruin England and France's [[HoYay tru luv!1!]]" [[CoolBigSis Belgium]] is [[RealWomenNeverWearDresses also a Mary Sue]] [[ShallowLoveInterest that only exists to split Spain and Romano up]] and has an ''[[VocalDissonance annnoying voice!1]]'' Seychelles and Belgium are minor characters, but the shippers see evil Sues that only want to stop the ''hawt yaoi'' with their girlness. * This 13-year-old troper is an [[SoBadItsGood M.I. High]] fan. When [[EstrogenBrigadeBait Oscar]] began to be shipped with Avril, her personal [[TheScrappy Scrappy]], she had to try extremely hard to stop herself from invoking this trope (her [[OneTruePairing OTP]] is OscarXCarrie) because it's usually one of her [[BerserkButton Berserk Buttons]]. She probably would not have cared, had the following not happened: Oscar being previously [[ShipTease Ship Teased]] with Carrie in a couple of episodes beforehand; the previous season's Blane and Daisy ending up paired off; and Avril suddenly being played as a perfectly normal girl, despite previously being an extreme [[GranolaGirl Granola Girl]] [[StalkerWithACrush Stalker With A Crush]]...

---DracoInLeatherPants can go die in a fire. You x DieForOurShip is my OTP! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DieOrFly * Some people believe that the best way to teach children to swim is to throw them in the water where it's deep. More an ability than a superpower, but still. ** This troper, having nearly died from the application of this technique, would tend to disagree. ** This troper, whose mother acquired severe aquaphobia from the same, would also disagree. ** This troper, who is sane, would also disagree. ** This troper, who is insane, would also disagree. ** This troper, having jumped into a 12 foot pool when she was 8 months old would also have to disagree. ** This tropette would have to be the one to agree...in HER case only. She was basically useless until her father threw her into a pool where she nearly drowned, but she picked it up nearly a week after. Huh. ----

DiesWideShut * This troper was somewhat distressed to note that the eye-closing thing didn't seem to work in real life. ** Actually, eyelids need to be sewn shut if you want them to stay. *** Or weighted down with something. Coins are a favourite. **** Actually, human eyes are kept shut with a sealant which is usually mixed with Vaseline in order to create a very slight wetness around the eyes. This helps to make the body look more natural, or alive. Without sealant, the eyes will never stay shut for more than five or so minutes. * Nightmarishly averted. This troper learned this the hard way when her baby rabbit, Veronica, died many years ago. She didn't even look dead (just lying in her cage with her eyes wide open like she usually does) until she poked the thing and it tipped over like a cup, frozen in same position due to rigor mortis. ** Played straight with her hamsters. She thought they were sleeping.

DifferentAsNightAndDay * Many identical twins do this to keep from being seen as a HiveMind, and are often contemptuous of the idea. [[{{Sharysa}} This troper]] and her twin are an example: While both of us are quite smart, I am definitely more serious and quiet, while my sister is cheery and talkative. Physically, we haven't had the same hairstyle or clothes since middle school. And people STILL mixed us up in high school. ** God, I know that feeling. I had longer hair and wiry build, he was stockier and either buzz cut or flat-top hair, both of us dressed completely different, and there were whole months when we were never seen together at school. And yet there was often someone who would come up to either of us and hold a whole conversation as if we were the other brother. * This troper has a twin who is so opposite in looks and personality that they tend to be [[RelativeError mistaken for boyfriend and girlfriend, not siblings]]. * This troper went to high school with a pair of identical twins that were worlds away in personality, though they did have a few similar interests (videogames, card games like Magic, and the like). One twin was rather pretentious, enjoyed Latin, had a sophisticated vocabulary and was definitely more tightly wound, while the other twin was a bit more BookDumb, loved to just hang out and have a good time, and was more hyperactive. * [[DokEnkephalin This Troper]] and his twin tried to invoke this around junior high, just for some sense of personal identity. This didn't stop everyone from ''always'' referring to us in the plural, but it was an improvement over the CreepyTwins we were before. We mellowed out of this too, and now we're really only as different as any two other people who may or may not be related; aside from the genes, of course. * This girl and her younger sister, although we are not twins, are completely different. While I am tall, light brown haired, [[{{Dandere}} quiet and shy]], my sister is short, dark haired,

[[{{Tsundere}} noisy and tough]]. * This troper and his younger (not twin) brother, to the point of me being born at night during a new moon, and him born during the day before a full moon. There's almost no similarity between us at all: not in appearance, interests, or personality. * this troper and twin count. one of us is male, blond, blue eyed, tan, skinny, about 6 foot, a fast runner, quick with fists( but not words) good with science not so good with animals, and is bad at math. the other is: female, has dark curly hair, green-gray eyes, paler than paper, a little heavy, about...5 foot, can't run to save her life, quick with words( not with fists until she gets really steamed) bad at science, great with animals(despite being terrified of them) and terrible at math. * This troper and her sister, who is two years younger. I'm short, pale, and red-haired, shy and introverted, more artistic (being a writer and all), and [[WritersCannotDoMath hopeless at math]]. She's taller, tan, brunette, outgoing, and prefers math and science. We were seldom seen together in high school, so very few people knew we were even sisters. Those who knew thought we were stepsisters, or that one of us was adopted, at least at first. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DiggingYourselfDeeper * Happens to this troper from time to time. The most recent version ended with me shouting after the fleeing listener, "I only find dead babies funny ''in theory!''" ** Joe Rogan says the same in his stand-up, minus the Digging Yourself Deeper part. After about 5 minutes of jokes involving babies, he says "I'd never hurt a real baby, but I'll piss all over a fake one!" * [[PotatoBucket Yo]]. Every girl he tries to flirt with. Turns out, when he learned to talk, he never learned to shut up.? ** Are you my double? *** Or every guy this troper flirts with. * "[[JET73L This troper]] has his very own bucket of ears collection... that is, of occurences... linguistic occurences, not actual buckets... at least not filled withj ears... Or anything else, for that matter... How long ago should I have shut up?" Friends think it's endearing. Makes it hard to meet anyone new, though. Erm, not that he needs to meet anyone new, nothing happened to his friends... Not that anything would happen... This is not that much of an exaggeration, he can go for several minutes just digging a deeper grave. For himself. Figuratively! The Backspace button is his friend. * every single FUCKING time this troper says something stupid. i really should learn to shut up. ** I know what you mean. I attract more attention than I should (not that i don't want attention) when I talk about something that could be best described as ambiguously weird, and people give me the looks; sometimes, they laugh at me, too. And at the rate of stupid things I say, people act like this with me almost all the time. Not that I'm a weird person, it's just the... Ambiguosity... Of the thing. Not

''that'' thing, just what I say. * Almost every single time [[{{nine}} this guy]] talks. It's annoying to him, funny for others. * Anytime this troper [[SingleIssueWonk tries to talk about Twilight]], even with non-fans or fellow-haters, it just goes completely to hell. * While discussing gardens with the neighbor (mine weed-riddled and making its way onto hers, rid of weeds), I suggested retirement must remove a lot of worries from their life. Boy, there were no good options down ''that'' DialogueTree. * This troper tends to lapse into it, intentionally. Why? It makes everyone else feel pretty awkward, which amuses me to no end. * This troper revels in ear buckets, it's just fun to see how far off track you can take a simple greeting. * A friend of mine has saved almost every phone message I've ever left her, because of my tendency to dig myself into a hole with [[HilarityEnsues hilarious results.]] * {{Excel-2009}}. I pride myself for my inability to catch myself on my own insensitivity before it's too late. I say something that everyone I know (save my parents, usually) wouldn't bat an eye at, and before I know it I find myself apologizing and explaining myself for something that makes perfect sense in one community but is {{facepalm}}-inducing in another. * Happened once during a driving lesson. The instructor asked me some technical question to which I attempted to answer. After various halfhearted answers, I asked if I was just digging myself deeper. His face was eloquent enough for an answer. * The following has become something of a running gag for this troper: "I dug myself INTO this hole, and I will DIG MY WAY OUT!" * This Troper was talking to a friend that he sort-of-kind-of-maybe has feelings for. She was complaining that all the guys who ask her out were only interested in sex. So naturally, I say: -->'''Troper:''' Well, ''I'' Don't want to have sex with you. --> [[BeatPanel * beat* ]] --> '''Troper:''' I'll just go over there. * This Troper would like to cite this trope as an argument against his consumption of alcohol. His friends would like to cite it as an argument ''in favour'' of it. ** Few things are funnier than two people Digging Themselves Deeper with each other at the same time. * A short one, but: One time I went to a friend's house after a rough night of babysitting. When I realized how edgy I'd become - barking at my friends, I tried to explain. First that I'd been babysitting, fine; then, how I generally enjoy kids, only that with these kids, I had trouble doing several hours at a go and would've done better with just a small period of time. So, what came out was: -->"I mean, I like kids, but I like them better in pieces." ''(Wait. Rephrase.)'' "I mean, in ''sections''." * [[BertieDastard This troper]] has a tendency to do this, both on purpose, and by accident. When he does it on purpose, he'll keep adding to something he says, stretching the comment from innocent right into cringe-worthy. He also does the same when he does it by

accident, to the point where even he isn't sure which is which. He knows when he starts doing it, though, 'cause his friends'll say 'you want a jcb or a shovel for that hole?' * [[EternallyAnonymous One time]], strolling the mall with a friend, we pass a dress shop that she likes, and comments on getting her Grad dress there. I responded that I got mine (My suit) piece-meal, and missing only a single beat, I added "Not my dress though, I got that all at once." We had a good laugh afterwards. * I keep getting close to it, and I succeed at digging myself out. I just stay perfectly hones at all times and it works. * This troper's bisexual brother was telling her about how awful the guys in his class were, and she said, "You know what? You're gonna have to deal with a ton of dicks in your life. I mean, assholes. I mean..." He almost died laughing. * This troper best remembers seeing that a friend got a hair cut that didn't seem to fit her well in this troper's opinion. Turns out she should have waited to find out how the friend felt about the hair before saying anything: "What happened to your hair!?" "...What? I... liked it." "I... guess it looks okay. Just not on you-* realization* ." "Oh gee, thanks. I see who my friends are." "No! I meant that it doesn't really fit your personality and style and-." "No, no, I'm just gonna go over here where my real friends are." "...* facepalm* " * This troper usually realises before digging too deep, and manages to get out by virtue of being such a CloudCuckooLander that her friends expect just about every conversation to go this way at some point, another friend isn't as lucky, she tends to keep digging as quickly as she can until she ends up a flailing, embarressed wreck, or someone yells at her to [[SharePhrase dig up, stupid!]], to the point that [[FootInMouthDisease it's been hypothosised that she only opens her mouth to change feet]] * Happens quite often to [[{{Trkzsoup}} this troper]], given her tendency to ramble and a generally rather haphazard train of thought. "...that's not what I meant" is the frequent follow-up to this conversational derailment. * This troper was having a conversation about "shudder" Jedward. Apparently they don't drink milk, for some strange reason. I wondered how many "deluded fangirls" had sworn off milk as a result of this. They responded they had. I replied "when I said "deluded", I meant... something less insulting". * Happens to [[Tropers/{{Bookhobbit}} this troper]] ALL. THE. TIME. This is partly because she's very prone to ThatCameOutWrong and rambling, and partly because she's a pedantic, so if she feels her meaning is unclear, she'll go on along rambling spiel trying to clarify it. Usually this just succeeds in muddying the waters. A typical example, from when she was on vacation and talking to her dad on the phone, went something like this: --->'''Troper''': Okay, see you later. Well, not actually later. Well, yeah, I guess it is kind of later, but much later, since it's not for a week. I guess it really depends on how you define later. ...you know what, love you, see you lat- uh *hangs up phone* * This troper had a real gem recently at work. One of his coworkers is adorable, and this troper is afflicted with severe

PerverseAsexualCuddlelust for him. Add that into a tendency to talk to himself, and you have a bit of a recipe for disaster: "Hey, [Name removed]! How are you doing? I was just talking to myself about you. I do that a lot. Talk to myself, I mean. Not always about you. But sometimes about you. But I talk to myself about my other coworkers too, so you shouldn't feel awkward. And I never answer, or hold conversations with myself, so that probably means I'm not crazy. At least I don't think so. Then again, if I was really crazy, would I think I was? Probably not. You don't think I'm crazy, though, do you? *Laughs slightly desperately* I'll just stop talking now." * [[@/{{Miar}} This troper.]] [[{{Understatement}} Far too often.]] About 1/3 of what he says, even. His thought process and tendency to ramble about anything causes trouble, especially with friends and relatives. * FlyingFerret has a huge tendency to do this. The most recent time, I tried to make sense of an article on economic problems in the European Union. I ended up with "so, basically it's not on life support, but it may have cancer?" * This lesbian troper's best friend got herself into this situation after making a "JustinBieber is gay" joke around me. She got embarresed and tried to justify it. At it's height: --> Friend: Look, I only think he's gay because I hate him! --> Me: You're not helping yourself here! --> Friend: [[CringeComedy I know! I'm sorry!!]] ->She genuinely seemed like she hadn't realized the implications of Justin-Bieber-is-gay jokes until that conversation, so I wasn't too mad at her, though. * I try to (or accidentally) subvert this by whenever saying something into AccidentalPervert or UnfortunateImplications territory, I just mind my own business, while people look, something jaw-dropped at me. I nonchalantly turn to them after 5-10 seconds and go "What?" If they keep doing it, I just go on "WHAT???" They prefer to leave it at that. * At a camp one time This Troper, another camper, and a counselor went into a store where they were selling stuffed animal sperm (seriously). The other female camper thought they were cute and wanted to get one, but was out of money. So she tried to get the male counselor to lend her some money. The following conversation went something like this: --> Camper: [[InnocentInnuendo Can I have some money to get sperm?]] --> Counselor: What?! --> Camper: No, I meant will you buy me sperm! --> Counselor: What?!?! --> Camper: NO NO NO! I meant I want sperm! --> Counselor: (laughing) You want to try saying that again? --> Camper: NOOOOOOO! --> Me: (Choking on laughter) ** This went on for a few more minutes, and I'm pretty sure she started doing it on purpose at some point. Funniest thing I've ever seen. ---So let that be a lesson- never dig yourself into a hole. Not an Ahole, I mean a hole, I mean I guess an asshole is a hole but not the sort of hole that you want to dig into... not that there's anything

wrong with that, just saying you probably don't want to end up [[DiggingYourselfDeeper elbow deep in an anus]]. * This troper has a friend like this. Let's call him Ted for now. Once in a class conversation about Justin Bieber, this troper's other friend (we'll call him Jim) turns to her and says, "Phoebe, I would get involved in this discussion, but now that Ted has gotten involved, it's best to just drop it right now, because once Ted starts digging a hole, he will never dig himself out." ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DigitalBikini * In a store once I was looking at picture frames, and one of the photographs was a beach scene. I realized that the bikini in the photographs had been drawn on the photograph with a marker. ---Click [[DigitalBikini here]] to give those girls some modesty. Wait what... ----

DigitalPiracyIsEvil * [[Tropers.ReikoKazama This troper]] has a pirated version of [[SpyroTheDragon Spyro 3: Year Of The Dragon]] (cracked by a group called Paradox), which allows her to - if she so chooses, which she usually does - become invincible, have unlimited lives, and be able to get all the eggs and gems in the game without actually collecting them just by pressing the shoulder buttons. Unfortunately, this version will not let her battle [[BigBad the Sorceress]] the first time around, instead glitching out and [[NoFairCheating returning me to Sunrise Spring Home with no eggs or gems]] in some bizarre fusion of the balloon (which takes you to Midday Gardens after defeating Buzz) and the rocket (which takes you to Midnight Mountain after defeating Scorch). This prevents me from accessing the Sparx worlds and getting OneHundredPercentCompletion, and has led me to believe that the only way to do so is to use no cheats at all or play a legitimate copy. Oddly enough, all my other pirated games are fine. * Back in the old days of computers, back before the Internet was big, there was the commodore 64, and other 8 bit computers. And there was much piracy. The thing is, the pirated versions were BETTER than the originals. Did a game keep a high score list and not save it? Well, the pirated version would make it save the high scores to the disk. Game UnWinnable because of some bugs? Not after the pirates got through with it. The pirated version also wouldn't rattle your disk drive, would often take up fewer disks, load much faster, and have optional trainers (but disable high score saving when you used them). No matter how good the protection was, people would crack it as a matter of pride. Oh, and there's the matter of the games from countries with a different video standard that wouldn't run on your computer at all. The pirates would NTSC-fix them to work, which often

required MAJOR reprogramming. Digital piracy is evil? ** Not to mention that some of the pirate "title screens" they created were actually pretty impressive for an 8-bit computer... ** Something similar can be said about the Wii's Virtual Console. While, let's say, NES VC games are several megabytes long, the respective roms are merely kilobytes, which is really healthy for a console with only 512mb of internal memory. And those roms can be easily played on the console via homebrew, with the emulator that supports things like saving snapshots (that's pretty useful in games where you're supposed to write down long passwords to go on) and playing with lots of control schemes -simultaneously-. And you can configure them as you wish. That aspect is even more enhanced with SNES/Genesis games; in VC, if I'm not mistaken, you can only play them with Gamecube and Classic controllers; in an emulator, you have the generic nunchuck + wiimote avaliable too! Another funny aspect of the Wii is that, apparently, using homebrews make your console safer than, say, updating your console via Nintendo (even with no homebrews); it has been reported that some un-modded consoles BRICKED upon installation of the new System Menu. Digital piracy is evil? *** The PS3 version of GunstarHeroes is 35 MB. The ROM for the Genesis version is 1 MB, and the only difference between the two versions is an annoying frontend that doesn't let you watch the intro properly or use the ingame menus. * If Steam (Or someone else) ever started selling download-to-own cars (ones that you can actually drive IRL, not one for a game), I would probably buy one. So yes, I [[TakeThat WOULD download a car.]] * [[{{Tropers/HG131}} My]] opinion on it used to be that music was ok to pirate, but not other things. However, recently, I've just stopped giving a damn about a lot of things (basically, I've always known how shitty the world is, but until recently I've had hope it might one day be better. Not anymore), so I'm fine with everything being pirated. Ironically, the above mentioned reasoning in the parenthesis came during a speech to my my own father about how crappy the world is. * This troper remembered Pirating both [[{{Commandandconquer}} Tiberian sun]], [[{{commandandconquer}} Tiberian dawn]] And [[{{Commandandconquer}} Renegade]] it wasn't until the release of Tiberian Twighlight that the former 2 became freeware (Rendering being convicted of Piracy invalid). Renegade...not so much * [[{{Magus}} This troper]] often calls his friends who do such digital piracy "dirty thieving brigands". All in a spirit of humor, of course. ** Arrr! * This troper's entire family is pirates, although his dad will only watch something pirated if it's good quality (DVDRip, R5, Workprint, PPVrip, etc.) A very big chunk of his life is guilt-free downloading. ** Same troper here- his high school teachers, when showing a movie, would download it and show it as opposed to renting it. * An interesting example happened to [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]]. When the Canadian exchange girl was at her house, she ''never'' downloaded a single song, in Canada, where doing so is a crime. She moves to Mexico, a place where ordinary piracy is culturally ''encouraged'' and where digital piracy will probably never be enforced, and next thing

we know, she was downloading entire discographies. ** In Canada, downloading is still a legal gray matter; however, uploading is illegal. *** Actually, both uploading and downloading (more generally 'sharing') of music is all pretty grey, and most courts would have a hard time really convicting anyone, considering the taxes we pay (specifically said to be for this reason) on all recordable media. *** I believe it's only illegal if money is involved somewhere. (selling burnt [=DVDs=] for instance) **** Oh yes, that's definitely illegal. If there is no money, then it's a bit more grey. **** Actually, uploads are illegal while downloads are legal. It's the difference between distributing copies (uploading) and making a copy for yourself (downloading). The latter is technically fine because the Canadian equivalent of the [[BigBad RIAA]] gets a cut of the tax that's part of the price of recordable tapes and discs. They are, of course, trying their damnedest to get this 'fixed'. As far as this troper knows, though, it only applies to ''music'', not video. **** Music is 100% fine to download under Canadian law. (There is a specific exception in the copyright act for it, and a levy is placed on all blank media that goes to pay musical artists). Other kinds of downloading are technically legal, in that they aren't explicitly illegal. (In the last case that involved this kind of thing, the supreme court decided to put any decision on the legality off until more lawsuits about it rolled in). In any case, the head of the RCMP is on record as saying that they don't care about people who download stuff for their own use. They only care about people who distribute pirated works for cash. * [[{{Jonn}} This troper]] honestly thinks that piracy is a [[{{Understatement}} Very Bad Thing]]. Ironically, he lives in a country where the vast majority of people pirate their [=DVDs=] and music. And it's only a few minutes away from Florida. This actually strengthened his conviction, especially when people argue that piracy is justified if the pirate lives outside the US and Europe and [[UnfortunateImplications has to wait]] for the media. ** It's also justified when the country where the item originates from ''refuses'' to have it exported...[[NoExportforYou EVER!]] *** Did you just say "I want, therefore I'll have"? *** I thinks they meant "I can't buy it legally anywhere, so I'll get it illegally". This troper ''used'' to think like that before she found a site shipping to her country. * This troper used to download some from limeWire in high school, but doesn't anymore. And is also a big anime fan but doesn't watch fansubs or download them. She just sticks to anime YouTube channels, Hulu and Funimaition's Video Portal. If she likes it, she'll buy it, and feels very proud of her small, but steadily growing anime collection, most of which was bought because of legal alternatives and not piracy. However, she does sometimes download comic issues, because she doesn't want to pay three bucks an issue when she knows they'll put them out in trade paperbacks, which she ends up buying anyway. Otherwise, she looks for comics at the library. * This troper chanted this for two whole years of middle school and

her freshmen year of high school whenever someone told her that they got their Ipod/MP3 music from Limewire. ** [[{{Jonn}} This troper]] is the same in the level one bullet above, and I don't even bother anymore, largely because he'd run out of breath. One of his coworkers-who is a dick-makes a point of passiveaggressively pointing out he would burn me a copy of X game, CD, or movie, if only I pirated. He also points out whenever I so much as ''look'' at anything pirated in his presence. *** This troper shares the troper above's pain. And probably displayed terrible grammar in that last sentence. * I can only add [[http://content9.flixster.com/photo/10/92/17/10921715_tmb.gif this]]. * Being a strong believer in following the law, yet being surrounded by people who don't, I find myself being the deliverer of this trope. I'm not a KnightsTemplar, so I'll gladly watch something that I know is downloaded if I visit a friend, but I'm against doing so myself. Then again, the pressure from friends, random strangers, adults, teachers (!) and internet denziens is downright annoying. I have, uh, ''experienced'' before, but the bad conscience means I don't anymore. ** Wow, you watch something that's downloaded when you're at a friend's house to keep your conscience clean. At least your friends are more honest about it. *** I never said that I keep my conscience clean, and I don't particularly like watching things that other people have pirated either, but there's a difference between doing things I believe in (or in this case, not doing things I don't believe in) and being a huge asshole to all my friends. [[SarcasmMode It's not like I hate myself for not managing to hold myself to the standards I know I should hold myself to. No no. Not at all.]] ** I know how you feel. At first, like everybody I know, I didn't give a crap, but then I started to find music that I really loved, and artists that I really wanted to support. I justified downloading because I used to live out in the middle of nowhere, and I had no money. Now that I have both an income and somewhere to get [[TheyMightBeGiants great]] [[TomLehrer semi-obscure]] music, I try to never download anything. ** This troper manages to find lots of good music for free ''without'' piracy. *** This troper salutes you. ** Knowing how much of a CorruptCorporateExecutive a record label can sometime be, [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]] actually ''prides'' himself in stealing from the evil record labels. Nine Inch Nails's album "The Slip" is the proof that record labels are obsolete and doomed to disappear. *** So your justification for stealing from artists is that they're already being robbed by record labels? Real classy... ** I'm pretty much like the 1st guy in this part. I don't do it but have no problem with other people doing it as long as they know it's illegal. This is more because I have a rule that I will never inform the authorities about anything that doesn't directly effect me (like if someone steals my stuff I will call the cops, but not if someone shoplifts). If they want to fuck themselves over it's their business.

* In truth, I want digital piracy to either be legalized or criminalized. If the entertainment industry (or, more importantly, the entertainers and developers) really aren't being hurt by the downloading, then the option should be made freely available to everyone without guilt. Or, if there really is damage being done by the people who do this, then people should be incurring severe fines and/or jail time to the point that anyone who actually does so is aware of the risk they're taking. What I can't stand is the current situation, where the thought process is "downloading these files is bad and wrong, but there's no reason not to do so, and you're an idiot if you don't". Or worse, "it's okay for me to download these for free, but other people should still pay for them." ** This is the way of all victimless "crimes". Nobody gets hurt, therefore nobody is around to report it, therefore the law rarely gets enforced. Theoretically, the penalties for digital piracy are severe. On the books, Copyright violation is, in theory, a criminal offense (hence the FBI, CIA, Interpol, etc. warnings on media products). In reality, it's unenforceable... and unnecessary. Copying information is not the same thing as taking stuff, and, in fact, the only way to protect one's monopoly in information is to violate another's stuff. Which is more wrong? *** I'd say the people who started the whole thing. You know, ''pirates''? *** It's not victimless. The people who would have retailed the media are now losing revenue. UNFAIRNESS! **** I've heard some piracy advocates argue that most pirates wouldn't pay for the stuff anyway. Which means the ones that would are losing the retailer's money, and the ones that wouldn't are taking stuff without permission that they have no intention of paying for. I think we have a word for that. ***** I've also heard advocates insist that "This is the age of information, all information should be free, it wants to be." Alright, by your logic, your own personal private information wants to be free because it should be - fork it over." Insert counterargument on how personal info doesn't count. ****** It doesn't count and shouldn't, and the two should be considered separate, everyone still has their right to privacy. * [[@/GamerFromJump This troper]] only uses [=ROMs=] to avert NoExportForYou, and to play games for which I actually own the source media (several from the cartridge era of gaming, like ''Power Blade'' and ''Super Mario All-Stars''). I guess decrypting [=LIT=] ebooks would count to some people, but I ''paid for those''! And anyone who thinks ripping a purchased CD to an iPod is piracy is just going to have their face laughed in. Of course, mostly I shop at iTunes and cut out the disc altogether. ** This Troper will second that- he will only download [=ROMs=] of games he could never get legally. {{Earthbound}}, we're looking at you. *** Do the kill switches built into Earthbound trigger when it's played on [=ZSNES=]? I haven't tried it. *** I haven't had any issues. ** This troper used to do this quite often with arcade games that

lacked home ports, or had ports that either [[PortingDisaster blowed]] or were different from the arcade original, such as ''{{Area 88}}''/''U.N. Squadron''. He still does it today with the Japanarcade-only ''{{Tetris}}: The Grand Master'' series and ''TGM'' clones, because he's not buying a Japanese Xbox 360 for a console installment that's [[GaidenGame not even a real TGM game]]. * This troper didn't even know file-sharing was illegal until he came across the trope here. * This troper admits to pirating music and ROMs, but will try to buy a game or CD when she gets the money. Personally, I don't like it when people pirate things they can easily buy domestically because they're too cheap. I have a friend that does this and it's become a running joke that if he gets sued for piracy, that he'd try to find a torrent of a lawyer. ** This troper is the same. She actually got into an argument with a friend because he couldn't get why she wanted to support Studio Ghibli by waiting for their movies to be released on DVD. * [[EddieVanHelsing This troper]] only resorts to bootlegs (he refuses to call it "pirate") under four circumstances: ** A legal copy is unavailable because it was never exported. ** A legal copy cannot be purchased because it's abandonware. ** He already has a legal copy, and is downloading a cracked bootleg to get around DRM. *** So you buy a legal copy without checking to see if it has DRM, and ''then'' download a crack, which as far as the producers know is no different from someone downloading it without the game, thus further "justifying" DRM? [[SarcasmMode Good for you]]! **** There's this delightful little website called "Google" that I use to determine if a title I want has DRM, before I buy it. If there's no mention of DRM, then I have no reason to download a cracked bootleg to go with my legit, shrinkwrapped retail copy. Google's really awesome; [[SarcasmMode you should try using it.]] **** Not to mention that some of the DRM is outright ridiculous. SecuROM takes the cake. "Thank you for buying our game! As thanks, you have to reactivate the game every ten days or you won't be able to play. Also you're only allowed to install three times. And we'll mess up your computer." Thankfully EA removed the "ten days" thing, but still. I fully understand wanting to protect your games against piracy, but basically punishing the people who bought it isn't the way to do it. *** ''Cough'' This Troper bought MassEffect legally, but downloaded a cracked copy rather than install the ''virus'' that they refer to as copy protection. And I knew full well what I was doing. ** He already has a legal copy, but that copy is unplayable for assorted reasons. * This troper began his long history of digital piracy when he was 10 years old with ROMs for the SNES and NES; back at that time, he didn't know that what he did was illegal (tough he knew it wasn't morally good). * This troper tends to simply justify his regular acts of piracy by concluding that a company like [[DungeonsAndDragons Wizards of the Coast]] a) can probably afford a few illegally downloaded 4th edition

books (which are far less convenient on computer anyway) and b) isn't selling 3.5 books anymore. Of course, he had a medium-sized guilt trip after reading the "If You Downloaded This Book" section in the CthulhuTech rulebook; this proves that he only feels guilty about digital piracy ''if the company acknowledges it's a problem''. If WOTC want to bury their heads in the sand, he'll gleefully take their materials. ** Although he does tend to eventually buy most of the materials he pirates, because the books are more convenient. *** This troper feels like an idiot whenever he buys the books since all his gaming group have pirate downloads of them. True books are more convenient, but they're way more expensive. He now has pirate scans of all the books he paid for (thanks to his gaming group) which are more convenient (as long as I have access to a computer) simply because they all fit on a flash drive. I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about this since I've already forked out money for the hardcopies. ** You know what I really ''really'' wish someone would do? Make some kind of software that has all of the rulesets and updates from any given edition of a tabletop game so that I don't have to either scan through a PDF ''page by page'' or go over to a bookshelf and take out a rulebook and see what I want. Seriously; I'd ''thank'' whoever did that. * This troper is in a strange gray zone, in that he's just too damn lazy to bother pirating the music, and would rather just ask for a given band's CD for Christmas or his birthday. That said, he ''does'' listen to music on YouTube, which has become his default CD player when he only wants to listen to specific songs. Similarly, he's also too lazy to bother trying to figure out how to pirate music or movies he might otherwise like, and is perfectly happy to spend the money to get it. This is the same attitude he has regarding hiring a plumber, electrician, or mechanic if he ever has to deal with maintenance problems-why bother doing it himself and royally screw up, when he can just pay someone who actually knows what the hell they're doing to do it for him? * The interesting thing to consider, of course, is that the people who go after you for downloading MP3s often aren't the artists, but the [[CorruptCorporateExecutive RIAA execs]] who've managed to manipulate contracts and laws pertaining thereto such that only they themselves profit, rather than the artists. This troper will gladly start shelling out $40 a CD... When someone starts legitimately allowing him to do so without getting a disc that has one song he wants and eleven he doesn't. Otherwise, he'll settle for downloading songs and sending checks to the artists. Pay the creators, not the distributers. And as to software? He's of the belief that companies who want to complain about people ripping off their games shouldn't give people a reason to do so - I.E. don't stop selling them, or putting in DRM nonsense that causes more trouble for legit buyers than pirates. ** The problem regarding a lack of good songs on CD would have easily been resolved if CD singles were still around. People get to listen to the song they want, record companies get money, and nothing is pirated.

*** CD singles are still released in the UK, but account for a minority of music sales these days. ** ''$40?!'' That said, you have a point about the majority of the money going to the record execs instead of the people who, you know, actually ''made'' the music. ** That's like saying it's wrong for the people who invested in a company to get the profits. Breaking a band costs a TON of money, in short, there's a lot more into it ( and the bands know this ) than just making and selling music. Bands are like businesses, record companies are providing investment capitol and expected to be paid back. To be fair, it is arguable whether some of their charges are reasonable, but as a concept it makes sense. * This troper's happy to download individual songs her friends recommend or put on fan soundtracks, and has actually ''bought'' a couple [=CDs=] because of this. Anything else, she won't pirate unless it's a [[CopyProtection Sims 2 expansion]] or impossible to purchase legally. Also, video game soundtracks (which tend to fall into the "unable to purchase" category anyway) tend not to count in her mind. * This troper rips audio from YouTube without a shred of guilt, because hey, it's on the internet for free already, amirite? However, she refuses to use LimeWire any more. * This troper is just sad that the state of piracy has fallen to such low standards. Seriously, you're not a *real* media pirate unless you plow your pirate ship into a Best Buy and pillage it of all its [=DVD=]s, games, and [=CDs=]. Yo ho ho, you little pansies! ** This troper would gladly do so, if it wasn't for the fact that landgoing pirate ships are kind of obvious when it comes to crime. ** If I owned a Best Buy and someone tried that, I'd ''let'' them pillage everything. Actually, no, first I'd try to give them as fun a fight as possible, but still let them win, and throw them some candy on their way out. *** [[{{Yinyang107}} Seconded.]] * This troper only pirates things that are out of print (because the publisher gets exactly the same return from him downloading as from him buying second-hand) or unavailable where he lives (because it's not a lost sale if they never intended to sell it to him in the first place), but thinks anti-piracy has gone way over the top these days. * This Troper once referred to someone who pirated a well-known video game as having "fallen to the dark side", and proceeded to have an overly long conversation full of Star Wars puns with him. * This Troper justifies piracy by pointing out that movies and music are merely long numbers, and you shouldn't really expect to make money by selling people numbers. Although he did pay for The Sword's first two albums after he realized how awesome they were. Then he ripped them to FLAC, since they're still just numbers, and keeping them on the original [=CDs=] is very inconvenient. ** My word, you're a caricature. I'd like your name, address, bank account and credit card number, since they are, after all, just numbers on a computer, or ink on paper. * To [[NotSoBadassLongcoat this troper]], digital piracy is not evil just a royal pain in the ass when it comes to making the games work. He also had some kicks out of telling his gullible neighbor that

modding his XBox to play pirated games will brick the console. [[DidNotDoTheResearch He's right]], because [[AssPull the information comes from a credible source]], right? * If I'm thinking of buying a CD, I usually pirate it and if I like it, I'll buy it legally. If I don't, why should I pay for something not intended for me? Also, I really wonder why it's legal to copy CD's with DRM for personal purposes but not DVD's. I also pirate stuff that's definitely not reaching my country (meaning most anime). * To my mind, there is a lot of stuff out there (mostly television, movies and music) that I simply refuse to pay for. I'm only rarely opposed to watching/listening to these things, I simply am not going to pay good money for a sub-par product. At the same time, I have downloaded movies which I would never have seen otherwise that I'll later buy because I enjoyed the movie so much. I'll pay for good quality and not regret it for a second, but I don't feel bad at all for not paying for things I don't actually want much. I guess what I'm saying is that I purchase more due to digital piracy than I would without it. ** For each story along these lines, I can talk about a people I've spoken to online, ''people I respect'', who have said things like "I was looking forward to buying this game. Then I found out they're releasing it in Europe a week before the US. This is an insult, so I'm going to download the game and not pay for it." Or "I've read reviews of ''Mario Kart Wii'', and I'm not going to support Nintendo for releasing such a broken mess. Still, I want to play it, so..." There are many people who will download things for free that they would have settled for buying if they didn't have an alternative. And given the option, they'll say ''anything'' to justify their right to not pay for it. But rarely to justify not playing it. It's all about entitlement... ** Well, what those reasons people are very different from the reasons stated by the fellow Troper. The previous Troper admitted to wanting to buy something only if they think it's good, not because "it doesn't come out for the console they want". They never said anything about games, in the first place. Also you have no proof that they would have bought it if they didn't have an alternative, as this troper knows plenty of people who don't have the means to pirate said video games but refuse to buy it while secretly wanting to play it, and guess what? They don't buy it. Never underestimate fanhate. I generally agree with the opening troper as for, This troper is an anime fan, and has been since they were still released on VHS, and in order to watch a new anime, I would literally go by the description on the box. What ended up happening was that I often ended up paying at least $30 for a 4 episode anime, that I wound up hating. Until I learned how to download and watch anime onlline, I would spend up to $90 a year on anime alone (what? the economy was good back then), of the selection that I bought I only liked 1 or two of them if I was lucky (this was before box set releases). Then I found out how to download free anime online I would use that as a test to see if I liked the series enough to buy it or if I would want to claw my eyes out from watching it. I still buy anime I just only buy what I like. * [[TsundeRay This troper]], at a friend's birthday party, overheard a

couple guys talking about [[NintendoDS R4]]s and how they have hundreds of games on theirs. When said troper pulled out his DS game case, said guys were surprised to find out that he "actually" buys DS games. Now, I don't mind people who pirate as long as they are aware of the taboos of pirating and do buy legit copies if it's affordable, but when you're of the "buying commerical works is dumb, you should just download it for free" mindset, ''especially'' if your wallet can afford legitimate copies... * [[{{Rogue 7}} This Troper]] justifies his piracy (which is honestly fairly infrequent, if you don't count reading manga scans illegally online) by stating that he's poor and cheap, so there's no way that he's going to pay for this stuff regardless. He figures it's better to be a fan and encourage other people to get interested in the products so that they might buy it rather than not do anything at all. Doesn't change that it's illegal, but he doesn't particularly care. ** This is pretty much my MO when it comes to piracy. With an addendum that most of the anime subs I watch are either finished series (meaning I'd have to get [=DVD=]s, which would blow if it turned out I didn't like a series), or stuff I eventually plan on purchasing at some time in the future (Basically meaning I'm planning on paying back my tab). A friend of mine when completely legit with her anime watching, and I told her "Yeah, I'd do that, except in most cases, it's either I watch illegally or not at all", seeing as how I have neither the money nor inclination to pay atm. To be fair, I do watch tons of stuff legally when I can online, through services like Hulu. * At this troper's college, piracy is the fifth highest reason people get kicked out of dorm housing, after things like drinking or assault. This troper plays fast and loose and pirates anyway, because she pays for most of her music and mostly downloads TV shows, which the school cares less about, because she cannot make a job work with her school schedule just to afford exorbitant DVD boxset prices. (Her college doesn't have medical amnesty, either. [[SarcasmMode We're very progressive.]]) * This Troper has no problems whatsoever with piracy, since copyright is just an unnecessary massive honour system that everyone will never agree on. Between performances, commissions, benefaction, etc there's no reason to stop people doing whatever they want with digital things they own. Yes, that's right - OWN. * This Troper was first introduced to a number of artists through illegal downloads. Some aren't worth buying, or even keeping. Some are worth keeping, but might or might not be worth buying (I haven't decided yet). And in one case, I first collected many of the artist's songs, then paid her via her website's tip jar, then eventually bought the albums through iTunes. Heather Alexander, in case you're wondering. * This Troper knew a girl who was totally opposed to piracy, since she was a musician and saw the use of her music without request or acknowledgment as the theft of her intellectual property. Of course she has no problem with accepting burned [=CDs=] and [=DVD=]s from others. I guess it depends whether you are the victim or the beneficiary as to whether you consider it evil. * I buy music if it's available legally by the song. I don't want to

pay for an entire CD if I only want a handful of songs, nor do I want to jump through hoops to get my music. I'm all for supporting the artists I like, but sometimes that just isn't easy or even possible. I don't even see it as illegal if [[KeepCirculatingTheTapes piracy is the only option]]. * This troper is a total film nerd, but doesn't live near New York or LA, so doesn't even get the opportunity to legally see a lot of limited release, indie, or OscarBait movies before they come out on DVD (which is often months to a year after they come out in theaters). Thus, piracy. * This troper, who watched Star Trek growing up, believes piracy is, in fact, the future. Watch TNG and be amazed at how they download food, yes, food, for free! (never mind movies, music and tea in the mug of your choice) ** According to certain AlternateCharacterInterpretation[=s=], the Federation is technically Communist. *** Actually it was a Socialist Utopia. * This troper ({{Dark Lady Celebrian}}) has gotten into arguments with some people she knew over the subject of emulators and torrents. I am strictly against torrenting and piracy while these two girls basically lived on it. Cue many, many arguments about the evils of torrents and emulators. * One of this troper's friends justifies his piracy in the main by the fact that it's usually for his ... uh ... [[PornStash private collection]] ... and therefore that he is actually contributing in some way to the fight against said industry by denying it profits. * This troper tends to pirate. He justifies this by being a college student with no money. His policy: pirated material while not objectively okay is at the very least a 'zero-sum' game. Nine out of ten times, the things he torrents are not things he would have spent money on to see, and he is not depriving anyone else of their chance to go and see it. His downloads tend to be either music or anime/comicbooks/manga. In the case of an 'indie' developer/artist, he will make all efforts to purchase the damn thing (Scott Pilgrim, World of Goo.) This is the ONLY reason he hasn't played Braid yet. Finally, even though I torrent without regret, it is only about 20% of my total media use. I do buy things, own a TV and rely of free/ad-supported giveouts. I'm lo g free legal alternatives (Hulu, lastFm., * This troper has only pirated things that A) Are no longer available (IE, NES Games) or B) he already owns a copy of, but said copy has been damage. This was especially true when not only was the copy damage, but my CD-ROM drive was damage too, so having a physical copy ''wouldn't actually fix anything''. * This troper has his a sort of code when it comes to downloading/watching on Veoh: "How much does the industry need my money?" So it goes: ** Movies/TV/Music: Anything goes. ** Porn: (that is, downloading episodes ripped from paysites) Anything goes. ** Anime: I'll only watch the first episode online to see if I would like it. If I do, I'll buy it. ** Comics: Only old stuff. If it's something I can get in the comic

shop or order from the company website, I buy it. If it's something I would have to go on Amazon/Ebay/etc for, I download it. ** Video Games: Again, only old stuff. However, I will usually buy the VC version if it's available, simply because I'd prefer to play it on a larger screen in my nice recliner. * This Troper used to pirate quite a bit, but has since stopped, started getting rid of every piece of warez in his possession and spent a lot money buying stuff he has previously pirated. Pirating just doesn't feel right anymore. He's also developed a paranoid streak. Still, he feels very little sympathy for the RIAA and their ilk. And in any category, any case of NoExportForYou is up for grabs. * This Troper agrees that individuals really can't screw over musicians any more than a corporate recording label already has. However, he tries to get a commensurate amount of money to struggling artists, especially if they're independent. One of his favorite indie labels, the now-defunct Merck Records, went under for lack of profit. Since Merck Records was by and large a bunch of guys from the old {{Demoscene}} who made retro-sounding techno music, pretty much all of their fans were internet-savvy enough to pirate their music, and it's alleged that this contributed to their money problems. * Heavy subversion - Most small time musicians NEED to distribute their songs over torrents to get anyone to listen to them. Most radio stations only play Top 40 due to the fact that you can buy a single license to all play Top 40 hits. How do they make money? Live concerts, merchandise and personally having fun with their fans (often involving pizza parties). Sounds like a great arrangement for both sides. * This troper tends not to pirate much, but sincerely believes that [[ThreeChordsAndTheTruth getting the big money out of the entertainment industry]] would be the best thing ever to happen to it. * Inversion: The ''{{Touhou}}'' fanbase. This troper's been made fun of by a friend for having attempted to buy one of the games: "Who the hell BUYS a ''Touhou'' game?" ** For the longest time I didn't even know that Touhou Project was not something meant to be downloaded for free. * This troper, after years of buying used, older games that have long gone out of print, has realized that that sort of stuff is absolutely pointless, especially for games that are emulated. He bought a [[{{Horrible/VideoGames}} Sega Saturn]] at Fanime for $55 and now wants to [[strike:sell it]] smash it to pieces, as nearly every game that he wants for it is either already emulated (''BattleGaregga'', ''{{RayForce}}'') and/or prohibitively expensive (''RadiantSilvergun''). * This troper is in the process of a 12-step program he designed to gradually free himself from all illegal downloading. First he declared he would not download anything that he can legally obtain in this country (buying it on eBay doesn't count). Then he declared he would not partake in anything that other people downloaded that falls under this category. Then he declared he would not download anything that ''will eventually'' become obtainable here (such as television series that haven't started airing here or will eventually show up in

Blockbuster). Then he declared that he would also ban anything downloaded via torrent, because the people he uploads to are likely not operating under said restrictions. His expected next step: setting a price limit (anything that costs under X to ship here, I won't download). He's hoping that, by the end, he'll have the courage to take the biggest and hardest step of all: deleting everything he'd downloaded before accepting those restrictions. ** You're the industries biggest friend, if everyone had acted like this iTunes wouldn't have happened, Hulu wouldn't have happened and Netflix wouldn't have happened. Why innovate if there's no incentive to do so? at least piracy gives them a reason to adapt to the internet. *** [[SocialDarwinist That makes it alright, then?]]t. **** [[UtopiaJustifiesTheMeans Yes.]] ***** Well, if you fully admit to signing up for that sort of ideology, my work is done here. ****** There's no reason not to in a lot of countries. Sadly most digital distribution is limited to the USA and it's not gonna change unless the people give them a reason to change that. ******* And I (the original poster) actually do live in one of those countries. Which is why the first steps I took involved limiting things to what I can't purchase here. I have very little objection to pirating things that I can't get anyway. Unfortunately, with the advent of eBay and international shipping, the line becomes rather quickly blurred, and in practice there's very little I can't actually obtain legally if I wanted to. ** And you are doing this because...? *** [[BeingGoodSucks Because it's the right thing to do.]] * This troper only loots things he can't buy normally, such as limited print run stuff and most Adult Swim cartoons. Hey, I'd happily buy them if they'd put them on a DVD formatted for my region. * This troper downloads as a way to discover bands, movies, etc that he normally wouldn't be able to check, and happily purchases the product if he enjoys it. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] downloads [=ROMs=] of games mainly as a way of trying out games for his older systems (Seeing as you can't rent games for them anymore). Nowadays, he still uses emulators from time to time; usually to try out a level hack of a favorite game, try out a game he's never played before, or for challenge runs requiring use of GameGenie codes (Seeing as he don't have one for some of his systems), though he still prefers to buy an original copy of the game whenever possible. * It seems like the old [[http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/piracy.jpg asking nicely]] technique doesn't work very well to prevent piracy, seeing as this screenshot was taken from a pirated movie. * DesertDragon's only rule against piracy is to not steal anything indie. LadyGaga will not lose her mansion because I downloaded the three songs off ''The Fame Monster'' that I liked. However, independent bands and filmmakers actually need the support, and even if their stuff ''was'' easy to find on bootleg, I'd feel much better actually buying it.

* This Troper is a pirate, and all my friends know it. (Hell, I wear a button that essentially advocates it.) I don't feel guilty about it, because I know that most of my money wouldn't go to the artists anyway. Plus, most of the bands I listen to are okay with it. * This troper kinda agrees. He can't avoid piracy at times - his games are either downloaded, pirated or (only for his GameCube) used (because original games are ''really'' expensive in his country), he downloads lots of songs (and sometimes burns some MP3 songs as regular audio [=CDs=]), sometimes watches movies from borrowed pirated [=DVD=]s and due to horrible showtimes watched the first three seasons of ''Heroes'' on borrowed pirated disks. But he still buys [=CDs=], doesn't download movies or TV shows (That stuff was meant to be watched on a TV, not a computer! Even those ''Heroes'' [=DVD=]s were played on my TV!) or buy pirate [=DVD=]s - theater, video rental, TV or buying the regular one are good enough - and even though bootleg transcripts/translations of the two last Harry Potter books were on the net, he still waited the four months before the book release in his country. Sometimes, he can see a bit of dissonance with people he knows, who just like to download or buy pirate versions. * If it's not available in my [[NoExportForYou country]] and [[AbandonWare time]], then it's fair game. If something is burdened by DRM to the detriment of usability, go ahead. I may not be a freemarket zealot, but if the crappy black-market knockoff is actually ''better'' than the legit product, don't expect me to get upset when people choose the superior option. DRM makes it hard to distribute free copies to all your friends? Buy it. DRM requires a constant internet connection for a single-player offline game? Buy it and crack it if you can. Pirate it if you can't. DRM installs a virus? Definitely pirate it! DRM limits the number of installs or otherwise forces you to buy multiple copies? Buy one and pirate another if the DRM makes the first stop working. DRM is detrimental to performance of your computer? Pirate it. DRM requires me to [[BerserkButton install Steam on a Mac?]] [[UnstoppableRage PIRATE! PIRATE! PIRATE THE THING!]] Admittedly, a lot of my approach is largely theoretical at this point, as my media consumption is increasingly limited by the fact that [[TakeThat most new shows, movies and games aren't very good]] and [[JadeColoredGlasses neither are the old ones]]. ** Your rather elitist attitude aside, [[@/{{Bisected8}} This Troper]] has very little sympathy for you. Particularly given that ''Steam'' has none of the issues you mentioned. Its a DigitalDistribution service (one which allows you to download, backup and play any game you've bought on any computer that can run it, no less); the very thing that many people cite the lack thereof as a reason for piracy. Also contrary to what some people seem to think [[spoiler: you can play steam games offline]]. If you insist on buying first party Valve games on retail (which still comes down to the same thing, since you can make a backup if you buy digital and you have access to the d/l version after you've registered the retail copy) then it'll only take you a 1.5mb download and about 30 minutes (and that's assuming you haven't already installed it)...not to mention you've wasted money on petrol/bus fares/metro tickets/etc. Adding in the fact that it allows you to install patches as soon as they're available, provides online

play facilities (something you'll have trouble getting hold of if you pirated it, begging the question of why you bothered considering the online/community elements of most of Valve's games), allows everyone in the world to start playing their copy on the same day (removing regional lockouts) the only reason to pirate a game available on steam is to avoid paying full price. ** I assume this was written prior to Steam becoming available to Macs. If not...why are you whining? Steam is convenient. * I don't do it for the same reason I don't use drugs, with my luck I'd be the one to actually get caught out of everyone who does it in the area. I know it's just paranoia, but I'd rather stay on the safe side. * I'll say the same thing here that I've said to everyone else I know. [[PiratesOfTheCaribbean Hoist The Colors.]] * Thing I don't understand is why everyone assumes that digital piracy is evil just because it's illegal. Seriously, people who pirate actually feel the need to justify it with all sorts of reasons because they feel guilty. Fact is, illegal != morally wrong. Some people (like myself) disagree with intellectual property laws on moral grounds, I think it is ridiculous to suggest that someone can own an idea as opposed to a physical thing. I'll purchase media to support the creators, for example I like to spend my hard earned money on print copies of webcomics I like because I know it goes straight to the artists, but I have no problem with "illegal" downloading, and in cases where they make it impossible to play the legal version due to copy protection, well then I simply refuse to buy the legitimate copy period (actually that's not entirely true, but if I do buy the legit copy I end up cracking it anyways). * Skadrii is a composer/songwriter. Who doesn't perform (and therefore makes virtually nothing from concerts). Who strangely doesn't have a big problem with illegal downloading. Perhaps this comes from having looked into contracts with recording companies, where from each $15 CD sold, he'd get... something like $0.07. Not a huge amount to lose if someone downloads a CD, likes it and then decides not to pay for it. When he gets a website to which he can upload his music, Skadrii's more likely to implement a "pay what you like"/"donation" approach under the assumption that (a) people will be more willing to pay an artist than a recording company, (b) people can get the music for free anyway so fixing prices won't change anything, (c) recorded music will not be a factor in his finances at all, so that matters will be arranged such that money made by record sales will be only an added bonus suitable for obtaining luxury items like a third meal or health insurance. ** It should be noted that Skadrii ''would'' have a problem with other people selling his music and not paying him a decent percentage of the profits though. (That's the kind of situation intellectual property laws were created to prevent, after all. Current digital piracy laws have little to do with safeguarding intellectual property and a lot to do with NewMediaAreEvil.) * The bizare fact was, this troper bought more movies and TV shows on DVD back in the days when he did a bit of pirating on the side than now when he went (more) legit and got a Netflix account. Now I rent

practically everything I want to watch and I'm pretty sure the studio doesn't get that much in revenues from it. I still have an external hard drive with every single DVD I own ripped to it (beats hauling the giant collection to college). I still get tempted with out of print things, though. ** And now he he helped a friend download a copy of a PSP game that his friend just bought because the non-cracked version wouldn't run on his homebrew enabled PSP (since they changed up the encryption). I'm not even sure what the morality involved there is. * [[DialgaX This Troper]] gets most of his music collection off Youtube. He does not use torrents though but he sees nothing wrong with it. Then again some people have described his morals as being "[[BlueAndOrangeMorality almost non-human]]". ** Hell his entire [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] ''family'' does this! And we justify it by saying that we are not making a profit. * Most of the pirating [[{{Kazokuhouou}} this troper]] does is of episodes of [[Series/DoctorWho British]] [[TopGear tv shows]] on the week it premiered on TV, because it usually takes about a YEAR for it to come stateside, and also cause they cut stuff out for ad breaks, the [[PrecisionFStrike fuckers]]. * This Troper has no political or moral reasons preventing or encouraging him from pirating, he just likes downloading things he wants for free. * As far as [[{{Tahaneira}} This Troper]] has seen, I have an odd take on the whole piracy thing. I have no objection to torrenting files I have not paid for, as long as I have access to them in other ways, i.e., soundtracks for movies and games. Also, if it's something I have no access to, media not released in my area and will not be in the foreseeable future, I have no problem with it. Similarly, my computer is frustratingly picky about installing games; something wrong with my disk drive or summat. Anyways, as a result I frequently download games through torrents; however, they're games I've already paid for through proper legal channels. They just don't work properly. I've debated where I fall on the moral scale of things in this scenario, then put it to a good thing canceling out a bad thing, move myself to the gray area in the middle of the scale and call it quits. * [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Andaria This Troper]] would like to thank all TV Tropers for it's contributions to this page. It has helped him write an good economics paper. * Honestly? [[{{Starscream}} I've]] reached the point where I pirate stuff just because it's a hell of a lot more convenient for me; copyright "laws" be damned. ** STARSCREEAAAAAAAAAAAM! *** ...yes? * This troper once booted up a rom of SimCity Creator for the Nintendo DS, and one of the first things he saw was the cutest little mayor ever telling him "Thank you so much for buying our game!" Said troper felt so guilty, he didn't play the game, and bought it instead. Now THAT's Anti-Piracy. * This troper downloads games,tv series,music,comic books,etc. 90% of his life is digital piracy since he doesn't do anything else than staying at his computer all day. He doesn't feel too bad about it

tough, because besides actually buying his favorite games(wich already makes him a saint compared to everyone else here where he lives), he knows that he only downloads things that he'd never buy in the first place either becuase he can't pay for them or because he can't buy. For example, this troper is seriously considering downloading two bioware games(Mass Effect 2 and Dragon Age) even tough he always buys bioware rpgs he likes(the only exception being Jade Empire), the reason he's considering it is that they are impossible to find in here anymore and since he can't buy it out of steam he will have to pirate them. Wich is a shame since he would surely buy both games and all [=DLC=]s if he could. * This troper averts it by having only CC licensed music in his computer. * This Troper doesn't feel the need to "justify" downloading music. Bands get such a tiny amount of their money from CD sales that most could care less. Concerts and merch is where bands really make their cash. If i like a band i go to their shows and buy their T-shirts and the like. Games can be a bit of a grey area but i've always applied the one year rule. If it has been out for a year, it's no longer making any real income. ** That's this troper's MO on piracy too. If the band is selfpublishing, I'll pay for the albums. If most of the money is going to big-wigs that barely have anything to do with the making of the music, then I pirate away and support the band by going to their concerts. Also, the band's opinion on pirating is a big factor too. If they're okay with it, then I slip on my eyepatch, peg leg, and hook hand. Arrrgh. * This troper's reason for piracy is that since life screws him over in so many ways, the one time it's unfair in his favor, he's not going to pass it up. That guy who cuts me off on the highway, the fast food clerk who gets my order wrong, the local official who answers my letter but does what the big lobbyist tells them anyway? They don't care about me, so I pass it right on down the line. * This troper doesn't need to make up an excuse to justify copying. * Strangely, how guilty pirating a game makes me can be influenced by a number of things. The biggest factor would obviously be how old a game is and what generation it was made in. Based on age alone, I wouldn't pirate anything from the sixth generation/2000 or later. However, things such as ''the game's graphics'' and ''how likely it is that people around me can identify it'' can make me feel more or less guilty. Might be why I was ok with pirating King of Fighter 03 but I feel deep shame for even considering pirating Marvel Vs. Capcom 2. * [[{{Tropers/Arutoa}} This troper]] really just doesn't give a fuck about this, and downloads things with very little guilt ([[EvenEvilHasStandards but not stuff by indie bands who NEED the money]]). Ironically enough, his taste for things tend to be {{Abandonware}} and NoExportForYou. * This Troper avoids pirating things like movies and music but has a large collection of theater bootlegs (of both the video and audio variety). It's hard to really feel like a disservice is being done because... if I want, say, a video of an understudy in a role or to see or hear a show that's long closed it's not usually possible to see

it except through bootlegs. Almost every show This Troper has paid money to see live was on account of bootlegs getting her interested first (and she enjoyed the show so much more because she was familiar and therefore able to appreciate the nuances more). Yet, funnily enough, it's much riskier and more difficult to bootleg theater than things like movies and music (this has become a big problem for theater fans when people who are used to more traditional piracy and concerts do things like post bootlegs on YouTube, which both hurts the person who risked recording it and also makes theater bootlegging seem like a bigger problem to theaters who therefore are harsher about it.) ** As a sidenote, Rent released a filmed version of the show on Broadway right before it closed. This seems like it would be a much nicer alternative to bootlegs... but actually, pretty much every bootleg trader This Troper knows couldn't stand it. Shows are made to play to the audience, and the vast majority of bootlegs are filmed from a single spot in the audience, so even though they can't match a live experience by any means they are a decent representation. This filmed version of Rent, however, constantly jumped between angles and levels of zoom and generally did a bad job of showing the musical as it was meant to be seen -- as if they were trying too hard to play to the expectations of the typical moviegoer. * This troper sets a limit with albums; if I want more than three of the songs on one album (or I really want the album because of the artist or whatever), ''and'' there's a practical way to get hold of the album over here ([=eBay=] doesn't count, although that hasn't stopped me on some occasions), I'll go and pay the 10; otherwise, I'll see if it's on the next ''Now That's What I Call Music!'' album; otherwise it's download time. (Through the numbers of artists I've got into through downloading odd songs here or there, I'm pretty sure the record companies are close on profit out of me.) TV; download it from America, and buy the [=DVDs=] when they come out over here fifteen months later. Games; pirate and/or emulate {{Abandonware}} and NoExportForYou, second hand what's available, and buy the rest new. Films; can't be bothered, because I'll never get round to watching them anyway. Porn; there's so much free stuff around that paying for it is the domain of idiots. Pay per play; fundamentally immoral and stupid. Ultimately, it's all born out of the fact that where realistic, I prefer to have something physically tangible like a CD or a DVD than a collection of files on a hard drive that I'll struggle to replace the next time I upgrade my PC or the drive dies or whatever which is also my objection to DRM and legal downloads. (The pipe dream is to replace ''all'' my illegal songs with [=CDs=] at some point, but that'll require buying some four hundred odd albums - more than a few of which probably no longer exist - for the sake of one or two tracks from each.) * this tropers view on the subject? It's only piracy if it's still being sold. * This Troper thinks that it's good to hurt the RIAA and MPAA. They bend the rules to actively and blatantly STEAL money from artists. And the government passes, instantly and unanimously, any law that they propose in order to bend the rules even further. Seriously, people. When you buy music and movies, the artists aren't getting any money.

Who are making megabucks though are the evil corporate execs that do these things. And there's not one single person in THE ENTIRE WORLD that will do anything at all to try and kill these people. ** It's because this is ''capitalism''. [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney Whoever has the money]] [[ScrewTheRulesIMakeThem makes the rules]] In that whole Capitalism vs actual socialism it's pick your poison. Government caters to those who give them the most money at the expense of the consumer, or there's no point in trying to be better. * This troper doesn't pirate stuff he can get legitimately. Pirated copies don't really add to the collector's value at all. (Pirated cartri He does make exceptions if: ** The thing is not available in this region. I could often import it like I did with ''TalesOfEternia'' (I ordered a copy from ''Sweden'') because after all, it's still an original copy of the game that has collector's value. However, most manga? Good luck finding ''TalesOfInnocence'' in America. *** Likewise, I fell into habit of reading manga scans online because they're updated weekly and it's quicker to upload something digitally merely because you don't have to put it on paper, which takes time and money. With manga it's kind of inevitable that there would be a pause, though. However, the advantage of waiting until the monthly ShonenJump is that you can go on an ArchiveBinge since you get a months worth of the series at once as opposed to just a week's worth in Japan. ** It's really really hard to find. I pirated the ''NausicaaOfTheValleyOfTheWind'' and ''{{Akira}}'' mangas because they might as well be printed on paper made from Albino Redwoods given how rare they are out here. Only ''ONCE'' have I ''ever'' seen a bookstore carry volume one of the Nausica manga and not yet have I seen books four through six of Akira. So if you're wondering why we're pirating some stuff? It's because it's not printed enough. I'd definitely buy the Nausica and Akira Mangas for collectors' purposes if ''I can actually bloody find them'' in stores or sell my soul on an online auction on eBay. I have a budget and I can't spend a couple hundred bucks for the Akira books when buying them one by one is ''cheaper''. * [[SenshiSun This troper]] prefers not to use Limewire to download songs. However, if there is a song I have plans to use (or I can't get it on CD), I will rip it from youtube. Then Limewire went down for legal reasons. Something tells me folks will switch to my method soon. * I will pirate anything that is system exclusive that can be emulated by my computer (I'm not buying a system to play one game...exclusives are a lousy idea) and any game that is more than 4 or so years old. Obviously, if there are no localizations of a foreign product or if the product isn't produced anymore, then pirate away. I will also pirate anything that has invasive DRM on it. I will generally not pirate anything that can be found on Steam, I will just wait for a sale in that case. In general, games are too expensive. $50 for a new game is ridiculous; I get about 5 months of Netflix movies with that. Even old games are overpriced. There's the Nintendo brand Wii games that are still $50 after 5 years, but even VC games are too much. $5 for a 20 year old NES game? It should be about 99 cents. I think games have gotten to the point where development costs are totally out of

whack with the size of the audience. I don't pirate movies though, as I just watch them through Netflix and I hardly ever watch movies more than once anyway. If it's good enough for me to watch more than once, it's good enough to blow some cash on. I will pirate music, but I don't listen to anything new anyway. I will probably use Itunes if I ever get an Ipod or something (but even then it's too expensive. A dollar per song? Albums should be about 4-5 dollars via digital distribution, as you don't get anything but the music). I've only pirated one book in my entire life; A Feast for Crows by George RR Martin, and I'm very glad I didn't spend real money on that turd. * This troper's favorite vocalist sent him an entire album(SIAM's The Language Of Menace) by email in a subversion of this trope! * This (poor) troper downloads like a madman, but when he occasionally has money, he prefers to buy his stuff. * This troper used to pirate(most of her JonathanCoulton collection is pirated), but eventually quit. She does download some things, but they're things that aren't for sale (Youtube [=AMVs=] she likes, cartoons that aren't going to become available for iTunes) or if she can't get something off iTunes. She doesn't think piracy is evil(although if you can afford it and genuinely want the thing, just buy it, your "moral pirating" is probably not going to help anything) and thinks a lot of DRM is crap, but it's sort of a vicious circle: DRM gets worse, more people pirate, executives freak out and invent even worse DRM, etc. It would help if people could collectively stop being greedy idiots(and that goes for excessive piraters too). * This troper doesn't condemn piracy too much (as most who pirate are cheap like me anyway), however he considers inmoral the '''selling''' of pirate copies (if the seller just downloaded it and not actually did a job) at more than a reasonable price. (internet can be expensive but not THAT much) * This troper's music teacher pirates near enough everything (most of the school's music software is illegally downloaded), but piracy also makes him lose out on a lot of royalties that he earns from his former career as a music producer - although that doesn't seem to bother him much. * This troper is a frequent pirate (having a large game collection, music collection spanning 50+ gigs and an anime/movie/TV show collection two or three times that), but he still likes to buy stuff from creators he likes. See also: his purchase of the discography of The Protomen and a shirt from them after pirating their albums. * This troper pirates most if not all of the music he listens to because its free. I can't argue with that. * This troper only pirates because she's poor and doesn't have a credit card. Once she gets a job and a way of buying stuff online, she's resolved to buy a legit version of everything she's ever stolen. Ever. * This troper is so pissed by the DVD copyright ad every American DVD has these days that he's considering moving to the dark side for good. I didn't spend 20 on a DVD just so I could be condescendingly taunted by a non-skippable minute of the most intellectually dishonest guilttripping ever, usually featuring a bunch of teeth-gratingly annoying douches sitting on a couch, watching Die Hard and basically going "BUY

REAL DVD'S OR YOURE A NERRRRRRRRRRRD". I AM A NERD. I don't need to be forcibly yelled at about it every time I spend my hard-earned cash to buy a DVD. Just... awful, as a psychological tool and as a marketing tactic. * I grab torrents of software I'd like to buy because I'll be damned if I'll not try software before shelling out US$200+ of unrefundable cash only to find out the software sucks. How about full-functioning (but timebombed) demo versions? Why do software houses not do this? ** Trygames used to have this IIRC, but now only for the smaller games. * ''Frostsabre.'' On Nciku (a Chinese-English site) if you type the word "[[http://www.nciku.com/search/en/detail/piracy/2630736 piracy,]]" (&#30423;&#29256;, daoban) just look at the examples. How would people be satisfied if piracy were [[BannedinChina banned,]] just curious? ** On my end, (I dabble on both sides) I buy more games than I pirate. I've bought TrackMania and Torchlight, to name a few, that way. On the other hand, I bought StarCraft 2 because I thought the campaign was going to be good, only to realise that I enjoyed a single mod ([[http://www.sc2ds.com/ Desert Strike,]] by the way) better than that. * This has probably been mentioned before, but this troper would not have gotten into many bands if it weren't for downloading. This troper is also into really obscure music that can't be found in stores nearby *or* on iTunes. How am I supposed to listen to music that I can't buy? * This troper doesn't bother with any justifications. I just download anything I want, because I'm completely egocentric and somewhat sociopathic and don't care about anyone. It also applies to all other laws and regulations - while I understand that they exist, I don't care about them, and simply can't grasp their meaning - they may apply to others, but I can't relate to them. And if benefit from breaking a law will be considerable, and chance of punisment very small, I will do it without any hesitations. Though such situations are, unfortunately, rather rare, and in my country minor offenses, such as drug possession, stealing from people not belonging to your social group, physical assault and such are considered OK by many people, and cops are universally despised and hated. * This troper doesn't consider it piracy if he can find it on the first page of a google search. He downloaded BitTorrent but hasn't used it once. * This troper will pirate TV shows for a rainy day, and download a couple games to see if I like 'em before I buy 'em (or if they're really freaking hard to find and no longer sold, aside from the occasional eBay auction), but that's pretty much it. * Greetings from [[ImageBoard /v/]], where we pirate all of our games; not so that we don't have to pay for them, but so that [[EatTheRich nobody else]] ''[[EatTheRich gets]]'' [[EatTheRich paid for them]]! I don't know if that's proof that DigitalPiracyIsEvil or just proof that HitlerAteSugar. ---Download [[DigitalPiracyIsEvil digitalpiracyisevil]]ISO-88591.html.torrent now!

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DinerBrawl * In 2009, [[Tropers/AGroupie This troper]] actually saw one of these happen at Mel's Diner on the Sunset Strip in LosAngeles. A couple of guys started arguing over an unpaid bill, punches were thrown, names were called, and someone got shoved. What made it even more ironic was that someone who had once been in a band known for its epic brawls was in the diner, but neither he nor his party had anything to do with the fight. [[DinerBrawl Look out it's flying mashed potatoes~]]

DinnerAndAShow * [[PollyNim This troper]] always claims it's not a real family dinner unless someone leaves the table in anger. She actually missed it when she went to college. * It is not a good dinner at my house until my mother had to stop the conversation from getting gross at least twice. ** Sadly, it's the case for [[{{Ryumaru}} me]] too. I've often just wanted to nuke a pizza and eat away from everyone else.... It's also the reason I save money to eat out for lunch so much. ** [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] agrees; it's not a good dinner until you make your mom {{Squick}} by mentioning [[VideoGame/SuperMarioRPG Cricket Pie]] * When I was younger, my family lived in base housing, then later rented a house for several years before my father retired from the military and bought a brand-new house in a brand-new neighborhood. For our first Thanksgiving in our new house, they decided to invite the people whom we'd rented our last house from over for dinner. But when it was time to eat, my little sister refused to come to the table; she was too busy playing a rental {{NES}} game. (Here I should note that our guest dining room is right next to the living room, with an open wall/doorframe, meaning we could all see each other clearly. And that Sis was sitting on the floor completely ignoring my parents' calls to come to dinner, [[BlatantLies claiming she was "Coming in just a minute!"]] without even so much as glancing our way, let alone budging from her spot.) After a prolonged argument, with my parents increasingly losing patience with her staunch refusal to so much as ''pause'' the game, Dad got up, walked over and hit the power button. ''[[{{Understatement}} This did]]'' '''[[{{Understatement}} NOT]]''' ''[[{{Understatement}} go over well]]''. My sister flew into an absolute '''[[FreakOut RAGE]]''', ''[[NoIndoorVoice SCREAMING]]'' bloody murder and generally reacting like Dad was beating her within an inch of her life... despite the fact that we could all see that all he'd done was turn off the NES and, after arguing a bit more, haul her to her feet. ...That was when our new dog took advantage of the empty seats to pop his head up, grab a full pecan pie, and run like hell with Mom in hot pursuit. Left unattended with the people we'd rented our last home from, who both looked decidedly disturbed by the fact

that ''THIS'' was the family they'd had in their house all those years, I made a crack like "And this is our afternoon floor show!" ...I don't think it helped... That was the last time my folks invited them over, and the last time we spent Thanksgiving with somebody other than immediate family. * If someone doesn't end up silently seething in rage, it's not a ''real'' Thanksgiving. This is mostly because of my [[RacistGrandma racist grandparents.]] * This is why one doesn't go to my eldest aunt's house for Christmas. In fact, I never actually been there at that time of year...there's a family Noodle Incident involving my greediest uncle eating a tablefull of homemade white-chocolate-covered pretzels on the last Christmas everyone got together, and that was long before I was around. According to my mother, hostess-aunt [[BerserkButton went ballistic]] when she saw the damage, which led to a fight between her, the uncle, and the sister he happened to be married to...which led to my father and other two uncles (yes, all uncles are by marriage -- the all-sisters family might be part of the problem) trying to calm everyone down...which led to religious insults being fired at my Jewish father and the Catholic uncle...which led to storm-outs and threats never to see each other again. The whole family never did do Christmas together again, and it's a true Noodle Incident to everyone else, who say "oh, that time," and refuse to speak of it. On a sad note, more than one branch of my mother's family still can't eat a normal everyday meal together without someone being insulted repeatedly. I lost five pounds in two weeks my parents and I spent at my eldest aunt's house; while I didn't mind it, I know it was because I was taking as little food as I could so I could leave the table quickly. You don't even want to know what happened when we were pressganged/bullied/guilt-tripped into going on a road trip that culminated in a meal at my youngest aunt's house...the Catholic one. By that point I had descended into [[EmoTeen bitter cynicism]], and spent my time picking strawberries, communing with pigs, and trying to avoid speaking to anyone human and above the age of four. Suffice it to say that nobody even noticed that I was insulting everyone at the table when I was finally called in to dinner -- [[VolleyingInsults I was the net!]] ---How dare you say that about your brother! Either apologize or go back to DinnerAndAShow right now. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DirectionlessDriver * This troper's wife is a rare female version of the trope. She has NoSenseOfDirection and can get lost just a few miles from home, but adamantly refuses to use a map or a GPS. Subverted in that her favorite tactic when she gets lost is to give me a call... * This troper. Worse: he plans, eventually, [[TemptingFate to get into aviation]]. * My current workplace is a little hard to get to. I've recited the

litany of directions from every major intersection around town to the point I can just about give them in my sleep, and I've even given latitude and longitude coordinates to someone with a GPS receiver. However, more then once I have had to ''guide people in'' when they called me on their cell phones! This is one of the reasons I took up [[http://www.geocaching.com Geocaching]]. * This troper's dad is an interesting variation. While he doesn't get lost with particular frequency, when he does, it always turns out the same way. He drives around for an hour or so until he is finally convinced to ask for directions. At that point he is, without fail, about two blocks away from the destination and on the right street. * A store that sold old games had an ad on the radio and I decided to go on one of my days off. I drove to the town and began looking for it, which took 4 hours of aimlessly driving around since I couldn't remember where the ad said it was. The whole time I was driving I kept the radio on waiting for the ad to come on... it never did. I finally remembered one of the streets it was on and that it was across the street from Target, which I was, coincidentally, looking right at at that very moment. ** Same troper as above: Another time, I went looking for a Gamestop that had a game I wanted (which I found out about on the Gamestop site). Since I'd just gotten laid off from my job (which is not a good thing, but if you cover the last 4 words and it sounds happy), I wanted to find a way to pass the time until school started, so I got in the car and headed out. When I got to town I began searching for the road it was on. The only problem was that I misremembered the road's name. So I spent several hours searching for the road (passing it twice and ending up completely lost). I finally found it after about 5 hours, got the game, and got home in about 45 minutes. * This troper is a female variation, but its for walking, not driving. Everything looks so different on foot... this troper's dad is a variation, as he has no concept of the quickest way to get places and takes the longest possible route to this troper's band events when we're running late. Why? He's convinced his way is the right way. Men. * @/{{Seanette}} has experienced this with her: father, stepfather, grandfather, father-in-law, husband, and various male friends. She is firmly convinced that the reason the children of Israel wandered for 40 years following the Exodus was that Moses and Aaron, being men, refused to ask for directions. If they'd let Miriam and Zipporah handle navigation, they'd have reached the Promised Land in a year, tops. :) * My maternal grandfather was like this at times. Surprisingly, though he was absurdly tech savvy, he never bought a GPS receiver. Now his widow, my grandmother, is an extreme case (she has to be shown where the pots and pans are kept in her own kitchen). HumanTorch2 ---I don't ''need'' a link back to DirectionlessDriver! I can find my own way!

DisabilityImmunity * [[Tropers/ElodieHiras I]] have hypermetropia. It prevented me from

going blind. Because I have to wear glasses. They stopped at least 5 projectiles. * I have Asperger's Syndrom and I can look horror in the face and say: Meh. Asperger's Syndrom basically causes the person to react differently to certain suitations, such as laughing in a serious matter or being calm and indifferent during a life-treatening suituation. In this, this troper is immune to fear. As many peoples reactions to Silent Hill/Dead Space/Amnesisa Dark Decent for the first time would be "Ho Shit! (turns console off)" Mine was "Chould of been worse." In a technitcal sense I literally have InsanityImmunity aleast to fear.

DisabledMeansHelpless * People who take this tropette's mutism, vacant, dreamy expression and odd actions for mental retardation are notified of her mental competence. Harshly. * When this troper was in a wheelchair for broken legs several people always assumed I was mentally retarded for whatever reason. Sometimes when he met strangers who did this I faked some spastic twitching and moaning sounds to make them freak the heck out before saying "just kidding!". My mom told me to stop doing this sadly. * My Mother works in Social Services and cares for people with learning disabilities, and this assumption irritates her no end - the restaurant "What would she like?" type questions being the most common. Of course people with more pronounced disabilities sometimes do need a little help in this area but people shouldn't assume they do, they are better off assuming they don't. * [[RegShoe I]] had a pair of Great Great Aunts who had both had strokes who lived together. One could not talk or think easily, the other was mentally fine but had to use a wheelchair. The latter found it amusing how often people asked her sister what she wanted, when they should have been asking her what her sister wanted as her sister could not communicate easily. * This troper's wife is in a wheelchair and despite being completely articulate and intelligent would still get treated this way. She's noticed that this happens more often when shes out using her power chair; some people apparently think only the mentally disabled ever use them. I make a point of letting her do the talking to people when we're out together, partly to avoid this trope but mostly because she much better organized than me. * [[PurplePantherGirl This Troper]] befriended a girl who had been born with a problem so she was unable to walk. In every other way she was fine and also extremely intelligent. It drove her crazy when people talked down to her. * This troper's aunt suffers from muscular atrophia and therefore needs a wheelchair for long distances. However, she's extremely knowledgeable when it comes to medicine and medical procedures (due to very frequent hospital visits ever since she was a child) and can often outsmart nurses and doctors. That doesn't stop people who haven't met her before from treating her this way, to great annoyance

of both her and this troper herself. * [[SerenYGogledd This Troper]] discovered this the one time she needed a wheelchair (for nothing worse than a broken ankle!). She found people were more likely to address her directly and not talk down to her if she was steering the chair herself, rather than having a well-meaning friend pushing. It took a while to convince said friend, however. ** Push handles are optional equipment on higher-end wheelchairs used by people with permanent disabilities, precisely to discourage unwanted "help". * This hearing impaired troper put up with this quite a bit while younger. This trope was put into full play when the school insisted on keeping me in the same class as the wheelchair bound kid with cerebral palsy under the assumption that if the teacher knew how to handle him, handling me would be easy. * [[SovietKitty This]] dyslexic, albino troper also happens to be short and [[{{Dojikko}} incredibly clumsy]] and [[CloudCuckoolander ditzy]], leading to many people treating her like a four-year-old with an IQ of 70. They're then quite shocked when she shows her genius IQ and really bad temper, although it stops them. Conversely, some people expect more of her than an average person and pick on her every mistake. * This troper has a cleft lip and palate and a skin condition that, among other things, has made it so that she only has six teeth. Somehow people automatically jump to the conclusion that she can't speak in any way that's remotely understandable, even when the evidence clearly shows that this isn't true, while at the same time assuming that she can eat incredibly hard foods without difficulty, even to the point of getting angry or offended when she can't. * This troper's aunt had to have both legs amputated and suffers from MS, therefore is a permanant wheelchair user. People would probably talk down to her, but she tends to get the first word in so that it's very clear that she's not going to stand for such nonsense. Due to growing up around her I tend to make a point of not treating disabled people any differently to anyone else. * This troper has Cerebral Palsy and finds it odd that when she uses her crutches people are less likely to talk to her like shes a two year-old, but when she uses her wheelchair people tend to talk to her LOUDLY and SLOWLY. * [[MayaTH This troper]] has chronic fatigue syndrome, and some wellmeaning friends and relatives have a habit of patronizing me in conversation. Although it bugs me, I try not to complain about it, because at least they actually understand that I have a disability. Many people treat me like I'm faking it, since I'm not wheelchairbound and look only mildly ill on the few days I'm well enough to leave the house. Compared to that treatment, I'm fine with being treated like a child, because at least I know those people don't think I'm lying for sympathy. * [[DKN117 This troper]] has Asperger's Syndrome. Now, most people know that this is a high-functioning thing, but I've still encountered many people who seem to think "Asperger's = Autism = mentally retarded" and try to speak to me loudly and slowly in condescending

tones. This happens to be this troper's BerserkButton, and he will almost always react to such treatment by verbally chewing them out with a mixture of SesquipedalianLoquaciousness and {{Cluster F Bomb}}s, showing them that A) this troper is quite intelligent and capable, and B) this troper has a foul mouth and little patience for such treatment. He once sent one of these people speed-walking (they wanted to look composed, so they didn't run) away from him at top speed, and has ''frightened'' some people with how angry he gets at being treated like this. One person (when this troper was a middleschooler with much less patience and restraint than he has now) [[TooDumbToLive kept talking down to this troper despite the display of intelligence and anger]], but the guy shut up when he narrowly dodged a punch, and this troper's [[{{Nakama}} friends]] showed up and chewed the guy out. ** This Aspie troperette is in awe. [[EngagingConversation Marry me?]] ** Join the club. My (top-set) teachers used to treat me as though I was mentally incapacitated until they saw my exam results. They then looked up Asperger's Syndrome and were very embarrassed at their mistake. Never again will they assume that autistic spectrum disorders make one stupid. ** Ditto. I think I got into more [[UnstoppableRage fights]] over this than anything else. Possibly more than everything else combined. (To be fair, some of that was for [[{{Nakama}} various buddies]] with similar "problems". [[SarcasmMode Note sarcasm.]] (On the "problems" part, not the rest.)) ** With the exception of dear old mom, I've never run into this problem. Granted, I haven't exactly mentioned I have Asperger's to everyone I meet, and my ADHD is in fact much more prominent. Especially when I've taken the pill that's explicitly supposed to control it, which also lowers my heart rate so much that the heart rate monitors in hospitals have been known to go off when I'm resting. ** I have Asperger's too, and I've got a bit of an inversion of this (the fact that Asperger's is one of the mildest and more subtle forms of Autism notwithstanding). In my Junior and Senior years of high school, I took Auto Tech class. The first year was mostly textbook stuff, and I passed easily. Level 2 involved more hands-on stuff, and I would occaisionally misplace various tools (though not significantly more than about half the class). The teacher treated this like an intentional reckless abandon of common sense on my part, even though my parents (and my other teachers, for that matter) repeatedly told him to read my file. To this day, four years later, I don't think he's so much as glanced at the thing. ** [[Tropers/{{tadaru}} This troper]] also has it, and his parents know it. He sometimes thinks his parents think he has every symptom of it. * This Troper isn't sure if this fits here, but he'll put it here anyway. He lost most of his left leg in a car accident when he was younger, and had to have a prosthetic leg. For various complicated reasons, said prosthetic ended up being some metal thing that looks like it'd be more at home on The Terminator. Anyway, he frequently gets people assuming he can't do anything for himself, just because he has balance problems, and trouble walking fast or running, and uses a

cane to walk around. * This Troper with Cerebral Palsy has been treated remarkably well by classmates, teachers, shopkeepers, and the like since she hit adulthood, but is routinely astounded by the idiotic behavior of some workers in the health care profession, having once actually been told by a ''physical therapist'' that being disabled means you are automatically retarded. In a weird inversion of this trope, her twin sister shares the same disability, but is able to walk with a only a moderate limp. Because of this, the twin was deeply resented by her assigned elementary school aides and teachers, the gossip among them being that because the twin was neither in a chair or mentally disabled, she ''must'' have been "''faking it.''" ** This physical therapist troper would like to state that while mental impairment is pretty common in individuals with CP (something on the order of 60% or more), your physical therapist had their head up their ass. * This Troper actually remembered and used the "take a wheel nut off each wheel" trick once. I knew it because I'd heard that joke in Boy Scouts. ** To be clear for those who haven't heard the joke, it's about a man driving by the mental hospital and having a wheel fall off his car, due to all the wheel nuts having rusted through. As he is puzzling about what to do, he hears someone behind him say "Use one wheel nut from each of the other three wheels." he does so and is surprised that it worked. Upon turning, he is even more surprised to see that the one who gave him the advice is in fact a patient at the hospital. He exclaims "How did you think of that?" and the man smiles grimly and says "I'm crazy, not stupid." * This Troper has slight difficulty with the motor functions in his hands. Because of this, It is much easier for me to type than to write by hand, which puts me on an Independent Education Plan at school. The assumption that I'm severely mentally and/or physically handicapped follows me everywhere, to the point that, while setting up my IEP for college, I made sure that my professors ''would not know'' about any difficulties I have. * This Troper has experienced the inverted trope of this. She does not have a disability, per se, but this troper does have asthma. This troper was a good runner and beat everyone in my P.E. class during seventh grade. They asked me how I did that. Then they said "her inhaler gives her extra air. So that's how she was able to do it - she has more air than the rest of us". I was like "WHAT?!". * This troper had this (sort of) happen to him when he wrecked his leg and had to walk on a cane. It was kind of difficult carrying all my books, and I found a lot of people were simply dying to help me, although it was clear that the only reason they were doing this was to [[EverybodyHatesMathematics get out of class slightly earlier.]] * This troper has had Rheumatoid Arthritis from a young age, and remembers a summer camp she used to go to where there was a fairly long hike at least once a week. The counselors always offered to carry my bag and such, even though it was clear I didn't need help at all and was even less likely to complain than my (perfectly healthy) peers.

* This troper has spina bifida. As such, it is much easier for me to get around in a wheelchair than with a walker. I've had my share of people assuming that because my legs don't work, my brain doesn't work either. Granted, the fact that I also have hydrocephalus *does* make [[EverybodyHatesMathematics certain subjects]] harder for me than others. People (mostly small kids) occasionally stop to gawk at me, though I've [[BerserkButton mostly]] learned to deal with that part. I've also been treated like [[InspirationallyDisadvantaged it's the most amazing thing in the world that I sing, 'run' two miles three days a week at the school gym, and am even in college at all]]....however, on the flip side, some people think [[HandicappedBadass it's pretty dang cool that, as far as endurance challenges, I beat out most of the 'able bodied' people that use the track.]] I have yet to see anyone else do even one mile. * [[{{Tropers/Smerf}} This]] troper had a friend in high school with cerebral palsy who used a wheelchair to get around (less likely to be knocked over in the halls than if he used crutches). He was on both the wrestling team and the judo team. ** His biggest complaint about people offering to do stuff for him? "I don't mind if they offer to help put my wheelchair in the back of my truck for me, but damnit, most people offer to help ''after'' I've already got it up there." * [[{{Tropers/Syreni}} I've]] conductive hearing loss in my left ear, and wear a hearing aid to correct it. Now the hearing aid isn't that noticeable, because it sits in my ear canal. But once people know it's there, boom! To them, suddenly my brain doesn't work properly and [[{{InsaneTrollLogic}} I can't hear anything at all even though I possess hearing correction.]] I've had people asking me if I'm okay with hearing them even if I'm half an arms length away, sitting next to them in a quiet classroom. Which is rather ridiculous. * This Troper's best friend/roommate is blind. When people meet us, they assume that I'm her caretaker or something. They don't believe me when I tell them that she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself - sure, she sometimes needs to be told where cooking utensils are and which cleaning supplies are which, but that hardly means I wait on her hand and foot. ** Going to coffee shops with my friend is alternately amusing and irritating. Of course, we get the occasional jerk who will wordlessly hold my friend's credit card in the air after ringing the order up, waiting for her to magically sense it and take it back. (Free advice: If you ever ring a blind person, it is perfectly okay to tap their card on the counter a few times, or just to say, "Here's your card/change/receipt.") But more often than not, they're too accommodating. Baristas will often take one look at my friend's white cane and ask me what she wants to order. I will pointedly say, "Golly, I don't know! Why don't you ASK her?" ** One more bit of free advice, since I'm on this soapbox. If you see a blind person who looks like she might be having trouble getting across the street, just ask her. She would much rather you say, "Hey, need any help?" than for you to assume that she does, grab her elbow, and drag her across the crosswalk. Just think how you would feel if a total stranger grabbed and dragged you anywhere!

** The most basic thing I can tell you about dealing with blind people - always ask first. Don't just assume she needs help and swoop in to save the day. Even if she needed the help, if you didn't ask first, trust me, she will resent you. Conversely, if you offered help and she declined, it's a pretty safe bet that she did still appreciate the offer. *steps off soapbox* ** Different troper, similar story. I had a blind friend who was easily the most cool and least helpless person I know. Manipulative as all heck about it when it came to substitute teachers, but she was taking math classes at home since the VI services couldn't work fast enough for her. She also completed her ACT's in the high 20s ''with a papercut on her reader finger,'' and is working on a double major in Law, last I checked. [[spoiler: And between you and me, internet, I am still kicking myself for never getting around to asking her out.]] ** By the way, thought [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2ciYRB2roA this]] was relevant. ** [[@/{{Amethystasheryn}} I,]] as a blind troper, agree with everything above. (Although the thought of that car sort of freaks me out, but that's just my personal opinion more than anything else.) I don't have many [[BerserkButton berserk buttons,]] but one of them is people who have decided for some reason that the amount of vision I have is inversely proportional to my I.Q. Both of my totally blind parents share that [[BerserkButton particular button]] too, although none of us are at all bitter about it. It's funny, once the initial annoyance has worn off. ** Same troper. I must say, though, playing devil's advocate, that sighted people aren't always given a good impression of what blind people can do. There really are blind people out there who, either because of leading sheltered lives or because of other handicaps, aren't as high-functioning. So I can understand why sighted people draw the conclusions they do. They might be less apt to do so if there weren't blind people out there who will play up the disability for all it's worth in order to get sympathy ... Or in the case of an erstwhile classmate of mine, [[BerserkButton use it to feel up girls]]. On that note, I'd better stop here; I've typed out a much longer rant than I intended ... * This troper comes from a family with a history of mental illness, autoimmune disease, and crippling connective tissue disorders. He also comes from a family of very bright people who habitually carry metaphorical soapboxes. This trope gets... [[BerserkButton discussed]]... a lot. * This troper is... sometimes sensitive when it comes to stimuli due to her disabilities, and it makes her extraordinarily edgy while in that state. Teachers tend to fuss and worry about me yelping or gasping loudly when startled by something soft but abrupt when I insist I just need a few minutes to calm down and handle it myself, not a [[HatesBeingTouched a 'comforting' hand]] or someone bothering. It's just a reflex, for heaven's sake, that's all. * People act this way all the time towards [[{{Tropers/Punkreader}} this Tropette]], and her disabilities aren't even that severe (in her mind, anyway) compared to someone like her much-loved (by her) cousin who's a quadriplegic with a brain tumor. She has cerebral palsy, lacks

vision in one eye, has moderate hearing loss, and has trouble with some physical things (like tying knots, getting up stairs whilst carrying her normal crapload of stuff which includes a computer, and falling), and lots of other stuff, but she's mostly capable of doing things herself. I appreciate offers of help, especially when I ''am'' more tired than usual, but offering to sharpen my pencil is going too far. Also, people, like for the above troper, seem to think that I love being [[{{HatesBeingTouched}}patted on the shoulder or tapping me on the shoulder]]. People also shout at me, which I find hilarious. I also have a rather sad textbook example of this from about a month ago: ** I use a computer for everything except math, because my CP makes it quite difficult to write for anything longer than a decent short answer. One girl randomly came up to me at lunch one day while I was waiting for my friends to arrive and asked why I was using a computer. I patiently explained that it was because my "hands don't work right" (they jerk and spasm, and tire easily when gripping something because of CP-induced spasticity), and writing is hard for me. Her response? "Oh. So, you're retarded?" No. No, I am not. You, my dear, may want to go see your doctor and see if there's anything in that little head of yours. I think the girl was a freshmen (I'm in high school, a Junior), but, really, at least have some ''tact''! People also like to hold me up as {{Inspirationally Disabled}}, when I'm not, I intensely dislike extended attention of almost all kinds, especially public, and I'm trying to live as normal a life as possible in a body that's determined I'm going to be wheelchair bound and imobilized by pain at the age of 30 because of a genetic condition that carries with it a lot of "elderly" diseases: arthritis, bone degeneration, joint degeneration, worsening of circulation (and I already have really bad circulation, thanks.). I want to enjoy what I've got now before I start really hating it - stop reminding me that I'm supposed to be this amazing "disabled person." [[{{Berserk Button}} I am a PERSON who just happens to have disabilities - I am NOT fucking disabled!]] * Subverted with this one. I have conductive hearing loss with a hearing aid in the only one ear that works and am blind in my left eye. If I tell people about my hearing problems, they do not treat me any differently than before they knew. They know I'm capable of taking care of myself. (I ''do'' however, plan to use this trope to my advantage one day...) * I ([[Tropers/{{YnK}} YnK]]) have CP, and while I can walk on flat surfaces, climbing stairs is one case where I would appreciate some help. A lot of people who agree to help me with that assume that I can't go ''anywhere'' without support, and insist on walking me around, even though it tends to only slow me down. That's fine, at least they have good intentions. But the whole "cerebral palsy equals mental retardation" thing comes up often, which is why I'd prefer ''not'' to have anybody accompany me -- they're going to be asked about what I need, when I'm standing right here (and I hate being referred to in third person). Worse yet, I ''am'' slightly slow at speaking, because I tend to think phrases over in order to avoid BuffySpeak and to come up with a sentence that is easier for me to pronounce -- I know it can be difficult to understand my speech -- but

then people just assume I'm slow at ''thinking''. Oh, and apparently being able to write stories and knowing a couple of foreign languages doesn't count as a proof that you can think and talk normally. And don't get started on visiting doctors. An ophtalmologist once asked my dad who came with me whether I could read that letter table they use for checking your sight -- as in, whether I knew letters (incidentally, mom taught me to read when I was three). I was about eighteen at that time. I consider a heavenly gift the fact that none of my ''teachers'' were supporters of the trope in question, and most of my peers treated me as an equal, even if they did have to deal with my not-so-perfect personality. * Same Troper who wrote the above blind rant here. I'm not blind, but I do have myopia, and have worn glasses for it since I was 16. A couple months ago, my glasses broke, and since times are tight, I had to go without them for a month. Oh, what a month. Dealing with my ruined depth perception and inability to see chalkboards and TV screens was a hassle. After I fell up the stairs (yes, up) and discovered I couldn't see crossing signals at crosswalks, my blind roommate laughingly offered me her spare white cane. Well, I finally scraped together the dough for an appointment with the eye doctor. My prescription sheet stated that my vision is 20/300 ''without correction.'' My mom and sister saw it and said, "Oh my God, you're blind!" ''And they were completely serious.'' They thought that legal blindness means 20/200 or worse, under any circumstances. I explained to them that since my vision can be corrected to 20/20, I am not legally blind, even without my glasses. It didn't help. They started reading the TV screen for me. * This troper's mother doesn't seem to understand how little his legal blindness effects his life, creating a huge disconnect between us. It's disheartening when I want to go to college and am focused on my career and what the school is like, only to have my mother pushing forward about "accommodations" ( which I was going to look into eventually).I appreciate that she cares and I don't expect her to care as much about some aspects of my life as I do, but she won't get it in her head that I don't need much . When I try to tell her this, [[BerserkButton she claims I'm " in denial"]]. * I've got Asperger's and OCD, but I'm a relatively mild case compared to many others. I have plenty of friends without these things and I have no trouble in social situations. I also have a genius level IQ and have proven time and again to have exceptional writing ability. As a symptom of the AS, I also speak [[MotorMouth quite fast]] which makes it hard for people to understand me at times, but I'm able to deliberately slow down my speech and it sounds normal to them (even if it sounds slowed to me...go figure). Most of the time this trope doesn't come into play except when it comes to my mother of all people. She realizes I'm not mentally retarded or anything, but she also takes it upon herself to look up accommodations for me that I don't want or need and acts kind of like a crusader to help me out. She's done this since I was diagnosed with Tourette's (my first diagnosis, which is pretty much gone) at 6 or 7 and I'm now 21! I ended up going to a school for people with Asperger's/high-functioning autism/other mild mental disabilities from 7th to 12th grades, against

my wishes at the time and in my current opinion ultimately to my detriment academically. All of this has put a very severe strain on our relationship and we often get into fights, often because I tell her to StopHelpingMe. ** Same troper, mentioning a different disability and viewpoint. I also have ocular albinism, a rare condition that brings about a slew of annoying eye conditions like astymatism, nystagmus, increased light sensitivity, and 20/80 vision that ''isn't correctable using modern medical science''. I'm lucky in some ways in that people usually don't care about THIS one either, but honestly this one I don't mind having it brought to my attention because it has a far greater effect on my everyday life. Until new technology comes along, I will never be able to drive in the car culture of L.A. that I live in (believe me, I've tried...) and I often need help reading things from a distance. Case in point, if I'm ever at a fast-food place I almost always need help from the cashier telling me what it is on the overhead menu. I can see the pictures, but those only give a general idea so I have to point and say something like "I have bad eyesight and can't read that from here. What is that item?" At times like that (or tons of other situations) I wish they WOULD notice I have problems and just help me. Because my eyesight is pretty much completely uncorrectable I don't wear glasses or contacts, so there's no indication that anything might be wrong aside from my squinting. I don't want them to think this trope, but I sometimes wish my condition were actually more noticeable (for reasons I never looked into, I have normal colored (blue) eyes, so they can't even use oddly colored red or purple eyes as a giveaway for the albinism). * Perhaps not helpless but {{This troper}} is autistic but I know idioms aren't meant to be taken literally. * This troper is also autistic and wishes she had a dollar for every time she encountered this. For example, when she was in elementary school, she had an aide who would follow her around all the time and assumed that she didn't know how to buy her own lunch among other things. When she started trying to make this troper drink her chocolate milk with a straw[[hottip:*:This troper prefers to drink milk straight out of the carton, thank you very much]], [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome this troper then blew bubbles in her chocolate milk with said straw]]. Also, when she was a teenager, her mother started making her go to a camp aimed at teaching social skills and it infuriated this troper to no end the way the counselors always talked down to her as if she was five years old even though she was a teenager and well in possession of a tremendous vocabulary of SesquipedalianLoquaciousness and swearwords. [[CompletelyMissingThePoint And this troper's mom thought this was a good experience for her]]! Instead of shouting out [[ClusterFBomb Cluster F Bombs]] at them, though, she got through the time at that camp by contemplating tying them to their chairs with duct tape[[hottip:*:but only over their clothes, though, [[TheMerchantOfVenice for the quality of mercy is not strained]]]], shouting out the [[ClusterFBomb Cluster F Bombs]] at them, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and then spraying them with sugar water mixed with vinegar]]. Then when the camp was over, this troper then

tore up everything in the folder that the counselors told her to take home to her mother. [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Understatement Needless to say, this troper's mom was not happy]]. Thank God this troper is now an adult and therefore unlikely to ever be in this situation again, at least from authority figures, but then there is more she can do about those who do assume this. ---Do you need some help getting back to DisabledMeansHelpless? Here, let me hold your hand and carry your books! <<|TroperTales|>>

DisabledSnarker * A lot of autists tend to be snarky, this troper included. ** This tropette managed to pick up sarcasm as a second language, despite not being very apt at understanding it due to having AspergersSyndrome. * As someone with severe hearing problems, I often snark about it by saying things like, "If I could hear it, I don't see why you couldn't. I'm the dude with hearing problem, here!" * This Troper's blind friend's middle name should be Snark. Nothing is sacred for this guy. (Although, he's not bitter, and it's not a coping mechanism.) He's offered several times to drive me somewhere. ** My mom, my dad and [[@/{{Amethystasheryn}} I,]] all totally blind, are the same way. My mom especially enjoys asking and offering to drive people places.

DisasterDemocracy * I remember once teaching a class on the Cold War, and establishing that the class has to decide who to "imprison" as spies. Without any prompting or discussion the class started voting on who to imprison. It's sort of a Democracy Default in Americans. ** ThisTroper had a similar experience in his American History class, except that "the accused" was levied with the same charges as the Rosenbergs. ---- We should all vote to go back to DisasterDemocracy. ---- <<|TroperTales|>>

DiscoDan * I sometimes still hang on to "old" memes long after they are considered "dead". That is all.

Discontinuity

[[redirect:TroperTales/FanonDiscontinuity]]

DiscreditedMeme * Whenever someone mentions The Game, this troper says that he just won it. If challenged, I say that I refuse to play by the rules (hey, if there's no way not to play the game, then there's no way I can be disqualified for breaking the rules, is there?). ** [[{{@/TARDISES}} I]] just outright refuse to play it. The rules can't apply if you don't play, amirite?

DiscreetDrinkDisposal * In France, once someone's poured you a glass of wine it's generally considered rude to refuse it or not drink it - and usually a glass will be poured for you without your being asked. This troper was at a picnic, carsick from the trip out, and "accidentally" knocked hers over when no one was looking. * This troper once left a shotglass of whiskey on a stagee in a bar, since he was going to be driving home soon.

DiscriminateAndSwitch * This troper's mother was once shooting dirty looks at two ladies in Dallas Cowboys jerseys who were publicly displaying their affection. -->When the troper's mother got up to use the bathroom, the troper's boyfriend said "I didn't know your mother was so intolerant." -->"I swear to God it's because they're Cowboys fans." * This troper had a girlfriend with the VerbalTic of "You people..." Her black cousin reacted with offense once, saying "What do you mean ''you people?''" I immediately answered, "She means Virgos." Which was the truth, and wasn't any secret to the Virgos in her family. * [[Tropers/GalenDev This Troper]] was trying to get the local phone company to finally accept the fact that his mother was dead (and thus transfer the bill into his name). After the fourth attempt at this and subsequently the third time faxing the death certificate - he finally had this exchange. -->'''Me:''' You people are all incompetent! -->'''Obviously Black Operator:''' What do you mean, ''you people?'' -->'''Me:''' SBC! Your whole damn company can't seem to accomplish one simple task! ** The worst part is, I meant every word. The fact that the operator was black was and is completely irrelevant. * During Army Sports Day PT one morning, this troper's all-white squad ("first squad") huddled together to discuss teams, rules, etc. A (black) member of second squad ran over to join our group. -->'''Squad Leader:''' We don't want any of ''your'' kind playing with us! -->'''2nd Squad Member:''' EXCUSE ME?! ''My'' kind? -->'''Squad Leader:''' Yeah, we don't need any one from 2nd squad playing with us!

* This troper used to date a Hispanic girl whose father made it clear that he didn't like him. When this troper assumed that it was because he was Japanese, she revealed that [[{{Interservice Rivalry}} her father was a retired Marine, and this troper's father was Navy...]] * This troper's father claims he doesn't like her hanging out with her Cape Verdean (Portuguese/African) friend because he doesn't like Brown people. He's referring to the fact the Cape Verdean friend goes to Brown University.

DiscussedTrope * [[Tropers/LeighSabio This Troper]] discussed StrawVulcan when her math test had a couple of free points in the form of questions like "What are our school colors." I was talking about this with an acquaintance: -->'''Troper:''' I could just start tearing my hair out and be like..."What do I do? The math does not work here. This is illogical. This DoesNotCompute. *falls down dead*" ---If this were the [[DiscussedTrope main article]], your life would be [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife ruined already.]] ----

DisgustingPublicToilet * The bathrooms at the university this troper attends make me think some people ''really'' need to be given diapers...and in the dorms, with some of the showers. It's a mess. What on earth is it with people ''taking a dump'' in the showers?! ** When [[Tropers/{{Redhed311}} this troper]] was in college, somebody once left a used feminine product in one of the showers. Luckily, I wasn't the one who found it, I only knew about this because somebody wrote on the mirror in eyeliner "DON'T LEAVE YOUR DISGUSTING BLOODY PADS IN THE SHOWER STALLS!" * The big problem at my college isn't leaving the seat up -- it's not lifting it in the first place. Seriously, dirkwads, if you pee all over the seat, clean it the hell up. Yeah, it's nasty and you don't want to do it, but do you think I want to clean up someone else's pee? After it's all dried and caked? Also maybe you should just sit if your aim is that horrible. * There is a cinema near where I live, the public bathrooms aren't particularly bad compared to some other places, but someone had decided to take all of the toilet paper, stuff it into one of the toilets and then proceeded to shit on top of it. My old school had it a fair bit worse, I stayed there throughout my entire time in secondary education, and not one day I used the toilets was it not completely wet on the floor everywhere, you could tell if someone was in side from little splashes on the floor, near enough no paper, piss on the rims, dreadful smell, for six years. It wasn't that bad a school either, which made it odd they couldn't take the time to clean

up that room a bit. * On the way back home from Texas on a road trip, I had to make a stop in an Alabama gas station. The toilet was literally clogged to the brim with crap, piss, and... Ugh... * Not as bad as the other examples, but once, I went to a high school for a robotics competition, and when I went to the bathroom, the stalls didn't have doors. It's not like the doors were stolen or anything, they ''hadn't been installed to begin with''. Wanting my privacy, I went to the other side of the gym to another bathroom... which ''also'' had doorless stalls. Seriously, what were they thinking? * The one at my high school was awful, someone wiped themselfes with the whole toilet roll instead of pulling a few pieces off. There was never soap or paper towels, the hand driers didnt work, and there was hardly any toilet roll. The toilets were gross,I have no idea how a woman could miss the toilet in that way, seriously, there was piss all round the seat and some people should really learn to flush!!!! * Oddly enough, for this troper's high school the toilets theselves are clean, it's the actual stalls that are repulsive... That, and the fact that crapping on the floor seems to be a game between the dickweeds at this tropers school. * Not a real bathroom, but the hideous one at the start of SilentHill2 lead me to briefly think that the game had started in the Otherworld. * This troper hasn't encountered any truly disgusting bathrooms yet, [[GenreSavvy but he still avoids public bathrooms due to this trope]]. * This troper recently used a port-a-potty that actually [[AvertedTrope averted]] this trope. It was perfectly clean, had a deodorizer that made it smell great, included a urinal as well as the toilet--which ''flushed'', and--the piece de resistance--had a footoperated sink, soap, and towels! If there is such a thing as a luxury port-a-potty, that was it! * This troper has had multiple experiences with these. The earliest one he can remember was at an outdoor public pool, where you had to walk through the restrooms to get to the pool. The flaw in the system was that there were no doors in either of the door frames, anything could wander in unimpeded. The result was bugs all over the place. There was only one urinal, a full-wall job, and the drain was chocked with drowned bugs of all sizes. Worse still you had to go into a stall to change, and you never know if something large was clinging to the inside of the stall door until it was to late. To top it off the whole place was wet and poorly lit. We only ever went there once. The second experience was in Junior High. The boy's restroom nearest the school library was a small number, with only two sinks, one urinal, and one toilet. The problem wasn't that it was unclean, it was the layout. From the door you could walk straight to the urinal, and to your left were the two sinks and a half wall, the kind that stick out the length of a cabinet or in this case the sinks. Once past the wall you could keep going forward another two floor units until you reached the urinal, or you could go left one floor unit and then forward again to reach the toilet. If you're thinking toilet stall, however, you'd be mistaken. The only sort of separation from the rest of the room the toilet had was another one of those half walls between it and the

urinal, not even a curtain. And so, unable to reach a restroom farther away, you'd sit there and hope no one came in at any point to use the urinal and create a moment of soul-scarring awkwardness and shame. * The ones on the seafront, those are the worst. Thank god there's usually an alley behind them... * Once, I went to a [=McDonald's=] and the bathroom was pristine ... except that the toilet was covered with partially dried blood. The worst part was that it was the men's room. * This troper's had multiple experiences with them. Probably the worst was a public loo in America in the middle of nowhere - it was so bad the authorities had slapped a warning on the door telling people they might catch dysentery from the loos. Needless to say, I gave it a miss. * The bathrooms at the old Roosevelt High School in Seattle (before it was gutted and remodeled). Very few doors on the stalls, lack of soap, tissue, and paper towels, and automatically-flushing urinals that were easily clogged. * This troper thinks somebody who has researched the GIFT for Psychology or Sociology should try writing a thesis on public areas like toilets and stores and see if it can apply there. There was already an economical theory that if the public had access to the same resources, they'd consume it to the core because they wouldn't feel responsible for it. (It was in Economics, though) Naturally, this applies to other resources and public goods - People wouldn't do stuff like shit in a sink, piss on the walls, throw bloody tampons on the ceiling (There was one on the library ceiling for ''years'') or try to flush shirts down the toilet if ''they'' had to clean it up. The same thing happens in the computer labs; in the Agriculture department, if we destroy the computers in the public labs and it's found to be something we could have done, it indirectly comes out of ''our'' pockets to replace them, and it's much harder to get away with wanton destruction. Meanwhile in the lbirary, where it's significantly easier to get away with stuff? More viruses than your average porn or Geocities site, keyboards that reek of sour beer, computers who have been overheated due to excessive use, food smeared onto the screens...People wouldn't do that stuff to their computer if ''they'' were paying for it. * This troper really dislikes outhouses. He doesn't need to see people's leavings, and the smell...squick...so a breath is held, the deed is done, and he always makes sure to carry some good hand sanitizer, it's likely the foaming stuff is either weak or emptied out. * I went into a public toilet one night, that was so disgusting the floor was sticky with things I dont want to think about * During a trip to California, [[Tropers/ThePoppyBrosSr This Troper]] and her friends needed to make a pit stop, so we pulled over. Unfortunately, the restroom we stopped by was sickening. The floor was wet with... Something, the toilets were clogged and nigh-unusable, there was next to no toilet paper, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking there was a nasty smell hanging around.]] I decided to hold it for the rest of the drive instead. * As nasty as it is that people don't bother to flush or clean up in

public restrooms, this editor just wonders ''how'' some of this horrible stuff is accomplished. Seriously, do some people just ''spontaneously explode'' when they close the stall door behind them? A human being should not be able to poop ''at eye level''! * Once at summer camp, one of my friends came back from the bathroom, and proceeded to tell me about a toilet that looked like someone had "rubbed their butt ALL OVER the toilet seat WHILE POOPING" I didnt see it for myself though. I also thank god I have an uncanny ability to only go to the bathroom twice per day while on a campout. * Wal-Mart has some of the most ''ungodly'' bathroom stalls known to man. It's bad enough when someone has bad aim or explosive diarrhea (or both...), but what on Earth possesses someone to take their shit and smear it all over the sides of the stall, or go #2 in a urinal? * The bathrooms at This Troper's high school were all reasonably clean for most of his first year there (Natch - the place had only been built the previous year), but things went downhill from there. This troper has memorized the locations of all the least-used bathrooms, which are usually the cleanest (Not that that's saying much). * [[Tropers/Jill Bug]] has seen the real life worst toilet in Scotland. It's in a public park where she and her family pulled over about half an hour away from Aberdeen Airport ... * Not a toilet, but I once saw a used pad lying on the floor in the dressing room of a clothes store. [[Understatement Ew]]. * A toilet I saw on vacation. The seat was gone, there was no paper or soap, and the sink was broken so there was no possibility to wash your hands. I decided to hold it in until I found a better place. * The men's toilets at East Slope Bar on the Sussex University campus were renowned for this. A friend of mine with hippy tendencies once made the mistake of going in there barefoot, came ''running'' back out and poured two pints of tap water over his feet. * During my stay at Texas Tech for a summer research program, my program had to share bathrooms with a program for visually impaired kids, who understandably had rather poor aim. I tried to use the bathrooms on the sixth floor of the biology building whenever possible. * The outhouses at the Boy Scout camp I live right next to are disgusting. My Venture Crew tends to camp there sometimes (which is literally camping in my neighbor's yard...), and the bathrooms are the worst I've ever seen. The smell made me want to puke, and there was stuff all over the "stall" that I didn't want to know about. * There was a minigolf place called Magic Carpet Golf in Tucson, AZ (closed now, thankfully), that this troper decided to go to one day on a visit down there. The place was falling apart and wasn't well maintained and was quite a disappointment. But then, he needed to use the bathroom. OH GOD, THE BATHROOMS. I swear they hadn't been cleaned in decades; there were black masses in the toilets which I can only assume were made of crap, mold, and may have possibly been sentient. The room smelled of death (maybe worse), and this troper had to try [[{{Understatement}} very hard]] not to puke after being in there for a mere 20 seconds. Needless to say, he decided to hold it until he left that godforsaken place. * [[Tropers/{{Twentington}} This troper]] has two tales to share about

this: ** On a trip to Florida, I found a fully clogged, overflowing toilet at a BP station in Adel, Georgia. The whole gas station was rather dirty, come to think of it. ** A friend of my mother's is an amateur writer who once wrote a story about a disgusting pit toilet at a state park, in which his glasses fell down the pit. * After living in Singapore for 4 or 5 years, this troper found it mind-boggling about how they prided themselves on cleanliness yet almost every public toilet was either really damp, smelt terrible or was in really bad condition. Not even the toilets in the flashy malls were very clean. * At this female troper's university (McGill University), sometimes she would find toilets filled with shit, piss, AND menstrual blood. * This Troper, when I was about nine or so, ran into two on one trip, one on the way there and one going back. The first one had bugs n the sink, and I don't remember much about the other one, except it was so bad I just went in a bush not too far away. Also, both were at gas stations. * This tropette's hometown's public restrooms are the worst. There are no doors on the stalls, there are bugs and once three dead rats on the floors, and when I was a kid, my parents would make me watch my sisters in the restroom in case of creepers. However, in my grandparents' hometown, the restrooms are so clean, they sparkle. Literally. * At [[Tropers/CrystalGlacia my]] high school, there's a terrible set of restrooms near the tech room and stairs. In the ladies' room- I'm a girl -the one stall at the far end is missing the door, the doors get caught on the toilets, they don't lock, and they have to be held shut or else they'll swing open on you. Even right after the janitors have finished cleaning them, they always reek of stale urine and ancient sanitary napkins. When it comes time for our school to host the marching band competition, that is the only restroom the visiting bands are allowed to use. If I get to post up signs leading people to the restrooms, I'm going to write them an apology on the last sign. * Used toilet paper...stuck to the ceiling. That is all. * This troper spent a few years in a nondenominational Christian school. Although it was eventually painted over, the walls of the stalls in the boys room were the gayest thing he'd ever seen. (Unfortunately, it took years to realize that this troper had a touch of bi to him, even though the reaction to the graffiti was pretty much AnythingThatMoves.) * This troper once had to use a portapotty in the middle of nowhere on a hike. She swears she saw a skeleton down in the blue stuff. There was also the ''church'' bathroom that was covered in blood. She washed her hands really, really well after that one. At least it was the ladies' room. ---Ew... you do ''NOT'' want to go back to DisgustingPublicToilet. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DisneyAcidSequence * The "Pink Elephants" scene from Dumbo + copious amounts of Vicoden = ... yeah. * Visit to Disneyland? Raspberry-flavored vodka and Sprite in a water bottle? Hell, yeah! Teacup ride? YES. * I grew up watching Disney films and most of the older ones were recorded off the Disney channel by my parents. So when it came to recording Dumbo my mother didn't approve of the Pink Elephants sequence and decided to do a little bit of editing and cut the whole part out of the movie. It was ''years'' before I found out the sequence even existed. I was a senior in high school when I finally I rented the movie on Netflix and saw it for the first time. Man, it was trippy. * The Heffalumps and Woozles room at the Disneyland Winnie the Pooh ride is one of these, just like the scene it was based on. This troper had the bad fortune to be in that room when the ride suddenly stopped, meaning he was trapped in the room with the song playing repeatedly, for the better part of an hour.

DisobeyThisMessage * This troper has actually allowed this idea to overtake her life, to the point where it is nearly impossible for her to get along with anyone other than herself. Not only do I hate the people who think they're clever by rebelling, I hate the kind of people who think they're clever for hating people who think they're clever by rebelling. I've developed a HairTriggerTemper over the past few years. ** Wow, and I thought I was the only one who had that problem! That paradox pretty much drove me crazy until I realized that I was falling into hypocrisy by caring what others said/did/believed in the first place. My solution: I'll like what I like and do what I want, thank you very much, and if others like/do/think the same thing, or like/do/think another thing, then good for them--that's their decision to make and I won't let it affect mine. *** That makes two of us. :) **** Three! We should make a club. Or something. ***** Wouldn't that invalidate the point of it? Anyway, I (none of the above tropers) would probably show up in a clown suit, or my usual vaguely-gothic outfit. Whatever seemed more interesting at the time. Screw sticking it to The Man via non-conformist conformity and all. *** [[{{JChance}} I've]] reached the same point, of liking what I like whether it's popular, rebellious against one group but popular with another, or completely obscure...and I say, along the same lines, if we ''want'' to form a club, why not? Also, as far as recognised symbols of rebellion, mass-marketed or not, I have to say that they can be insincere or not. Do they mean something personally, or are you just trying to sign on for the sake of joining? **** Oh God this is what I keep thinking like - make it 4. I feel pretty genre savvy so I realise things I'm doing, and then I think "wait, if i realise i'm doing this, does it mean i'm trying to be

this?" and then it goes back and forth. I always called it morality ping pong. **** Make that 5. It appears to me that you just can't win these days - if you like something mainstream, you're a conformist, but if you like '''anything''' out of the mainstream, you're either trying to hard to be a nonconformist, or worse, you get slapped with the dreaded "hipster" label (of which I can't even find a solid definition of. Go figure). *** [[{{Aryn}} My]] solution has been to be myself, which generally misses mainstream and non-conformist tendencies alike. For example, in my music tastes, I just steer clear of any and all lyrics, with notable exceptions, like [[TengenToppaGurrenLagann TTGL's]] ''[[CrowningMusicOfAwesome Rap Wa Kan No Tamashii Da!]]'' * This troper has pointed out to his class that he hoped none of them missed the irony of sitting in class receiving the wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson, when the only reasonable thing he ever wrote was that you shouldn't take your opinions from long-dead philosophers. ** He said wrote lots of reasonable things! Though admittedly this troper isn't American, and thus never had the high-school beingforced-to-study-something-ruins-it experience. * This troper has a shirt that says "Subvert the dominant paradigm." It seems to be referring to many people who follow this trope religiously. * This troper's teacher was talking about Socrates's subversiveness with his "question everything" and "all your teachers are lying to you." --> '''Me''': So we should question every teacher? --> '''Teacher''': Yes. --> '''Me''': Including Socrates? --> '''Teacher''': Yes. --> '''Me''': Including you? --> '''Teacher''': Yes. --> '''Me''': Even though you're the one telling us we should question everything? --> '''Teacher''': Exactly! --> '''Me''': (''brain hurting'') ** There is no paradox in his statement. Either you trust him, and therefore people similar to him as well, and he's telling you that's not a smart thing to do, or you do not trust him, in which case you can still agree with him if he says something which makes sense to you, and what he's saying isn't new. The only problem is that you cannot possibly question everything relevant to your life, and you therefore do need to have unfounded trust in people. * While at university, this troper had a lecture on the carnivale in writing, and how things can be turned on their head for fun. (I studied Creative Writing.) One of the instructions the lecturer gave was "Write, but disobey me." We all promptly didn't write anything, which was of course the wrong thing to do. Afterwards, she said only two people came close to total anarchy: one was a girl who had walked out when told to disobey, and the other was me who had taken my shoe off and threatened to throw it at the lecturer's head. I had nothing against her, it just seemed appropriate.

* Scrawled on one one of the many benches in school are the words "Question everything". I couldn't help writing underneath it: "Why should I?" * Am I the only person who thinks that these are all LogicBombs? * This troper started a forum adventure game called OBEY, which is based around this concept, and the main character spends the entire story doing the opposite of what people tell her- and falls into so many traps because of it. The eventual aesop is "obeying without reason is dumb, so is rebelling without reason." ---Don't [[DisobeyThisMessage click here]]. <<|TroperTales|>>

DisorganizedOutlineSpeech * This troper is known for conversations that go something like this: -->'''Troper:''' One, (long and convoluted sentence). Two, unless I said A before, in which case B--->'''Friend Being Ranted At:''' No, it is two. -->'''Troper:''' Okay, two: ...wait, crap, what was two? * While chatting with a friend on Facebook I started listing my favourite ''StarTrek'' movies in descending order. This was shortly after the 11th came out, and I realised as I reached that I'd missed one because I was counting down up to 10 instead of 11. My attempt to fix it just made it more awkward. * [[Tropers/MiraShio My entire class]] when reciting the periodic table. An example: -->'''Me''': *after reciting the first thirteen elements almost breathlessly* 14, Si, Silicon... wait, did I just say 13 or 14? * This troper does this with ''essays''. * Holy crap, my English teacher this year couldn't keep her head straight for two seconds. Usually, my only question is, "So what does that have to do with the question we first started with?" ---First, this is a TroperTales page. B, it isn't the main page. Secondly, you can go back to DisorganizedOutlineSpeech here, and five.. no, wait...

DisproportionateRetribution * My brother once spat in my just opened bottle of sarsaparilla. When I was done drinking he laughed his ass off and told me he'd spat in it. Later that day, when he grabbed his cup to rinse out his mouth while brushing his teeth, he got a mouthful of what he at first thought was water, but turned out to have a much higher urine content. He also had his pillow spat in (below the cover, so it wasn't as obvious) for a whole month. It's been around seven years since then, and to the extent of my knowledge he's yet to spit in another drink of mine, and to the extent of his knowledge I've yet to piss in a drink

of his. * ThisTroper's father just stabbed him in the forehead with a fork for supposedly using derivative (as in a show is too derivative) incorrectly. ThisTroper's father didn't even apologize. * This Troper can be a [[CompleteMonster Complete Monster]] when playing video games. In games when team killing is possible, I've been known to kill my own allies when they kill an enemy I wanted to kill. ** People like you are why we cannot have nice things. * When this troper's sister stayed at an MIT frat house to complete a summer internship at Harvard, the fratboys there often stole her bags of cherries, one of her {{Trademark Favorite Food}}s. Keep in mind that these 1-pound bags of cherries only cost $5 a bag. Eventually she got so fed up with their continually [[AccidentalInnuendo stealing her cherries]] (and trashing her living quarters with their parties) that she stole a $60 bottle of Drambuie alcohol from their pantry to take home as a souvenir. ** An Internship often lasts for at the very least a month. If they were continually stealing her cherries, and she always bought more, it's entirely possible she wound up paying more than $60. ... Also, what kind of crazy frat has expensive alcohol? * This troper likes to get horrible revenge on her Sims if they do something she doesn't like. One sim got killed for kicking over someone's garbage. ** [[VideogameCrueltyPotential You too, huh?]] ** In my game, I made it a crime to ''use Love Potion #8.5 as it was an illegal drug...'' Penalty: Execution by firing squad. Here's some crimes and punishments: *** ''Vampirism:'' Execution by fire *** ''Public WooHoo (Disturbing public decency):'' Life stage imprisonment for both parties *** ''Attacking emergency personnel:'' Life or execution for army and federal agents, TWO life stages for firefighters and police *** ''Refusal to pay bills:'' Repossession and life stage ban on owning a house (Implementing this for when I get Apartment Life) *** ''Possession and/or use of Love Potion, Vamprocillin-D or Magical Powers:'' Execution for Love Potion and Vamprocillin-D, life in prison for Magic Powers (AL) ** This troper once killed a Nanny for causing a potty trained toddler to wet himself. ** [[Tropers/TropicalSnow This Troper]] does that too! * When this troper is playing Medieval II: {{Total War}}, on his first playthrough, he kept being attacked by several factions. We'd have a war for a while, then ask for a ceasefire. Eventually it got so annoying that I went all [[MassEffect Reaper]] on them. No offers of ceasefires, just CONQUERCONQUERCONQUER. * [[{{MiraShio}} This troper's]] ex-dad used to ground me from the Internet for a couple of weeks whenever I don't get to drink eight glasses of water a day. -o** That ranks up there with the time my dad grounded me for arguing with him. Okay, but guess what it was about. I commented that once I had a case of E. coli when I was around six. My dad argued that I never did. Cue the grounding when I insisted. [[spoiler:A week later

my dad said, very casually over the breakfast table that he did, in fact, remember the time I had E. coli. Was there an apology for the now-useless grounding? Of course there wasn't.]] ** That [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] blows. I think you should show your father this page and gently ask him to apologize or this troper might just [[HypocriticalHumor FIND OUT WHERE EXACTLY HE LIVES]] AND [[PokeThePoodle CHASE HIM WITH A DVD]] OF THE {{GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE}} WHILE [[FridayThe13th DRESSED UP AS JASON VORHEES.]] * This troper was born male, and was sentenced a year's full-time community service for the "crime". ** [[{{MKH90}} I'm]] presuming this has something to do with conscription? * This troper sometimes employed this. Although once it was perfectly justified: discussing with an enemy, he called me his friend. Threw my case, missed. [[ThrowTheBookAtThem Threw my notebook]], right in his face! (and I didn't even think before attacking, it was practically reflex.) For a case he once saw, a guy (brother of a classmate) said to a classmate something bad about his girlfriend. The classmate replied by punching him hard enough for his mouth to bleed and require stitches! * I added [[SpongebobSquarepants Mr. Krabs]] to the CompleteMonster page once. They deleted it, flipped me off, started saying I don't understand the trope and just read the name of it, went against this entry, became rude to me, and banned me for a day. ** [[FridgeLogic They e-flipped you off?]] Deleting it and saying you did not understand the trope are quite called for, as the first two criteria (if not the others) of CompleteMonster are in stark contrast to the style of villainy of Mr. Krabs. Banning you for a day might have been taking it a bit far, but users who seem not to know what they are doing should not be editing until they have a better idea of it, and temporarily banning users who so evidently misinterpret the CompleteMonster trope might seem to be a good way to help clean up the trope. As for rudeness, it depends on what the extent of the rudeness was... * This Troper once unleashed a NoHoldsBarredBeatdown on a guy twice her size. His crime? Insulting her favourite film, and her favourite character in said film. Granted, he was doing this ad nauseum, but still. Needless to say, he never wanted to be within a five mile radius of her again. * This troper spent about 15 minutes using the computer at my youth centre, putting up with a jerkass poking me with a pool cue every minute. On my way out I flipped him off, causing him to follow me down the street and into a shopping arcade, where he beat me to the floor and started kicking me. * [[EinDose This troper]] roleplays in CityOfHeroes, with a character that's a known fan of Disproportionate Retribution. Such crimes include dealing with his childhood bully by lacing his food with a high-powered explosive, killing an ex-girlfriend for just generally not being very bright (to be fair, there is something of a FreudianExcuse going with those two - he attributes the fatal flaw of everybody who wronged him being lack of intelligence, and believes the world needs to be smarter by any means necessary), and delivering a

fatal dose of electricity to a woman who dared interrupt his phone call. This does have a negative side-effect, however, in that when he's actually fair about something (YourMileageMayVary, but I think trying to kill your murderer after you [[IGotBetter get better]] is proportionate) he's still considered to be taking it too far. ** Understandable, but shouldn't that character be a villain in that game? *** Yeah, he should definitely be a villain. There '''is''' ''City of Villains'', you know. * This troper has a twin brother which his friends often confuse for the other. In one incident in the locker room, he called him a "stupid motherfucking KKK racist bastard" and swore he would do his best to make sure the poor dipshit would fail at everything he tried. * In Command & Conquer: Generals, this troper's computer opponent made the mistake of hitting his trade center with an aurora-strike. In retaliation, I hit his base with 37 SCUD Storms loaded with Anthrax gamma, obliterating it in the blink of an eye. * At the [=McDonald's=] where this troper works, as we were going through the breakfast rush, we saw a guy run into our parking lot, followed quickly by five police cars and an animal control car from the opposite entrance. A man built like a linebacker leapt out of the animal control car and tackled the running guy and, apparently, they hit the ground so hard the running guy needed some [=EMTs=] to look at his head before the cops threw him in the back of one of their cars. So, what had this guy done? Well, [[TooDumbToLive he had robbed the store that was literally across the street from the police station.]] What did he take? A couple cartons of cigarettes. Do ''not'' steal cigarettes in my city, the law will find you and make you ''pay''. * Like most people here, I can only come up with a video game example, but here it is. I was playing the Empire in StarWars: [[RealTimeStrategy Empire At War:]] [[ColonCancer Forces Of Corruption]]. The Rebels had just committed a few small harassing attacks on my planets which eventually annoyed me so much that I built a Death Star and blew every single one of their planets to bits. ''Burn in hell, Rebel scum!'' * This troper has one which I would have put in berserk button, but that is blocked, but it still kinda falls into here. After a long week of being sick as a dog, and because of that being off work, and because of that being conscripted by his father into helping move house. I finally get home tired and all I want to do is sit back, relax, and watch some {{One Piece}} on my computer before having to go to work the next day, and guess what? I turn on my computer and find that it has been messed with. My friends had put a {{squick}}-inducing background and played with it so that it restarted every minute and opened all of my games at once. I was so pissed that I kicked over my chair; I knew it was a prank, but wasn't in the mood. Knowing nothing of how to fix it, I woke up my hungover flat mate, who did something to stop it. It wasn't until later that my other flatmate walks in with a smug grin saying: -->Flat Mate; "so did you find something wrong with your computer?" -->Me: "is it alright if I punch you now?" -->Flat Mate; "no because you punch hard."

** I did it anyway; punching my flat mate so hard in the arm that the he almost cried and had a huge bruise which ached for two weeks afterwards. It was not until later that I found out the flat mate hadn't had much to do with the sabotage at all and the rest of my mates (the ones actually involved) had yet to have disproportionate retribution dealt to them, they will have it soon or later and I will make sure to post it on here. *** [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} This troper]] says the Above Troper's flatmate had it coming - if someone messed with [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]]'s computer like that though, he would at the least dealt a GroinAttack or two on the culprit... * [[{{Kadorhal}} I]]'ve noticed that the AI in ''Left4Dead'' loves dishing this out upon me and my teammates if we ever let it be known that we're fed up with their [[ArtificialStupidity mind-numbing stupidity]]. The most recent example is from a singleplayer session Charger hits me on a stairwell, Coach pisses off a Witch and gets himself killed while trying to help, and Rochelle gets hit by a Smoker. What does Ellis do? [[HeroicBSOD Stand completely still and do nothing.]] I ended up having to use the console to kick all the Special Infected involved, plus Ellis. What do I get for removing Ellis? [[BossRush Dozens of Witches, thousands of Chargers,]] and [[MultiMookMelee billions of zombies from that point to the end of the map]]. * This troper had an infected toe. {{Squick}}, I know. Standing on said toe was a serious {{Berserk Button}} for him at the time. One time at a prize-giving ceremony for the school, a fellow classmate (read {{Jerkass}}) walked backwards and stood on the toe by accident. This troper politely shoved the classmate and told him to "Not stand on my toe!". The {{Jerkass}} shoved this troper back saying "It was a [[PrecisionFStrike f**king]] accident!". The classmate then crossed the {{Moral Event Horizon}} by attempting to stand on the toe for the rest of the day. * Three examples for this troper: ** Do something as minor as not stopping to do something when I ask can net you a screaming ball of fury trying to claw your eyes out and aim for your throat. I have gotten a lot better about that, but there are still occasions (e.g. Once, I was high strung and instead of going to cool off, I went to line up for lunch. A person commented on me budging, if I recall, and I replied by biting their arm and attacking them. There is a reason I take medication.) ** Total Annihilation Kingdoms example. Once, I was playing, and kept getting pounded. I eventually staved off the attack and even stole one of their mages for building. Cue me making three of the four (one of the races wasn't on the map) race dragons and a huge army of drakes that razed everything in their path. Did I just send them to the base? No. I selected all of them and had them attack one target at a time, then let them scatter (in groups of 10-15) to destroy any stragglers. THEN I finished the mission objective. ** Pokemon. In Pearl, Cynthia beat me. I kept trying (by resetting) until I saw the last Pokemon I needed to see to get the National Dex. Cue me using the Pal Park to transfer over a team of level 100s, followed by me completely destroying the Elite 4 in one run through.

* A guy I know had people get him and this other guy mixed up because they looked alike or something. The guy got tired of it, misquoted what he said about a video game making it sound like a death threat, and got him kicked out of school. * This Troper was de facto expelled from school, and barred from participating in any school activities, even his own graduation. After he used pepper spray on a student who ''attacked him'' in a position that could have caused asphyxiation if prolonged. This Troper's act of self defense qualified as "Assault" (A police officer even implying that I could be charged with "Assault with a Caustic Chemical). Meanwhile, the offending student was let off with a slap on the wrist. My therapist implied that this overwhelming reaction was because they feared I would become a school shooter. ** Once, this troper was suspended from school. For being choked by another kid. At least he got suspended too. ** Am I correct in assuming this other student was [[AbuseIsOkayWhenItsFemaleOnMale female]]? * I have a humorous case of this and a not so humorous case: Let's go with the unhumorous case first. This troper has held this grudge against this girl for the following "crimes": 1) Acting attentive in one class and then being all spacey in another (seriously, what the hell?) 2) Wearing her shirt too low. She told her to pull it up and her friend said "Shut up Troper." She then did a presentation on women's rights in history. A tad hypocritical? [[YourMileageMayVary Maybe]] [[SeriousBusiness if you're that picky about crap.]] 3) [[BunnyGirl Wearing bunny ears with another girl to school on dress up day at school.]] 4)Happening to get the attractive history this troper wanted in tenth grade (this troper and her already had him the year before and developed a crush on him). 5) Accused of being dispespectful by playing with her nails (if you've gotten this far, commence either laughing or banging your head against a wall) which made this troper want to call her out for reasons 2 and 3. 6) She happened to be a [[AllGuysWantCheerleaders cheerleader.]] Put reasons 2, 3, 4, and 6 and you could tell that this troper is a [[{{Understatement}} BIT]] of a {{Yandere}}, a ClingyJealousGirl, and an [[JerkAss ass]]. [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone Wow. That's sad.]] ** On a [[PlayedForLaughs humorous]] note, there was this time where my friend (jokingly) said that his father owed him a car FOR EATING ONE OF HIS COOKIES. I even [[LampshadeHanging pointed this out by saying this trope name.]] * This troper consistently insults and yells when his computer doesn't work. He's flicked it off, and one nearly punched it for not doing a search on DeviantART. Also, once shouted "bite me" at his mother when she asked me if I just woke up. Went to anger management, and now he's better. ** Also, once some kid was calling me fat, or something to that affect, so I punched him. He starts trying to choke me, shouting "I'll kill you!" Later, he apologized, and I've never seen him again. * This troper once accidentally ate his sister's dessert. Her response? [[AxeCrazy Ran at him with a hurl]] (like a hockey stick, except really f***ing heavy). * This troper made an excellently humorous status update on Facebook,

only for one of his friends to point out the joke. This troper proceeded to link that friend to DontExplainTheJoke, [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife thus exposing him to TV Tropes and sucking him in for the rest of his life]]. * This Troper had a job in a factory for a couple months, when one time he was told he was coming back from break late too many times. I quickly apologized to my supervisor, promised it wouldn't happen again, and suggested they dock my pay as punishment. The supervisor looked at me like I had just personally insulted her infant son and walked away. I quickly forgot about it and went back to work. No more than fifteen minutes later, the head honcho comes up to me and pulls me aside. He yells at me for being late so many times, for "getting snippy" with my supervisor, mentions how much said supervisor, and him for that matter don't like me, and immediately terminates my contract. He tells me to hand over my card and, "Get the fuck out of here." He follows me until I leave the factory and proceeds to inform me that I am now barred from ever coming on the premises again. Makes it kind of a pain since this Troper's friend also works there and carpools with him. * This troper's high school teacher arranged a student-teacher-parent conference over {{Pokemon}} fanart, but turned a completely blind eye to some of the male students [[DudeNotFunny laughing and hooting at the explosions during the 9/11 Twin Towers attack]]. * There was a bully at school who decided to beat up one of this troper's friends. Me and another mate cornered the said bully, [[GroinAttack kicked him in the nuts]], and give him a beating twice as bad as the one he gave my friend. ** I believe You're looking for the ''{{LaserGuidedKarma}}'' section as well as ''{{CrowningMomentOfAwesome}}'' * [[{{neoYTPism}} This troper]] was once picked on a bit in middle school by one guy on the hockey team, and picked on worse by the people said guy from the hockey team associated with. One day, when said guy got into a spleen-rupturing accident on the hockey rink, he ended up hospitalized for a while, and when said guy came back I said "I'd frankly have been happier if you died in the hospital" to him. I didn't quite mean it, and I later apologized, [[PayEvilUntoEvil but the point is that the reason I said it to him was because it was something I thought he deserved to hear]]. * [[{{Tropers/Betterthanstrawberry}} This troper]] once saw a pay toilet (the kind with horrific hygiene and buckets for flushing, not the kind that you put a coin into and cleans itself automatically) guarded by a cop wielding a Norinco Type 56 assault rifle. I wish I could make this up. * This troper would like to share a recent news story with you all and it goes a little something like this: A man at a party was extremely intoxicated and farting uncontrollably. Fellow partygoers proceeded to deride his flatulent state. Offended, he leaves the party and all goes back to normal. Forty-five minutes later, he returns with three knives and proceeds to start stabbing everything in sight. Four people are hospitalized, one of whom dies from his injuries. No, [[http://www.courant.com/community/bristol/hc-bristol-fatal-stabbing0119-20110118,0,3311130.story I'm really not kidding.]]

* [[{{Tropers/Luigifan}} This Troper]] is pretty mellow now, but trust me, I was one heck of a BullyHunter in my youth. In first grade, I made the schoolyard bully scared stiff of me by repeatedly hunting him down and punching his lights out. This got to the point that ten years later, after I had mostly forgotten about the abuse, the bully in question dropped out of a school camping trip just because he would up sharing a cabin with me. In 4th grade, I once saw a kid pulling the "take a short kid's hat and taunt him while holding said hat just out of his reach" trick. In response, I charged at the perpetrator and [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown beat the snot out of him]], then calmly handed the short kid his hat back and walked away. I got a three-day suspension for that, and I ''still'' don't regret it. * [[@/SabresEdge This troper]] has fond memories of an 11th-grade endof-year class picnic for AP United States History. After I'd been hit by a stray water balloon from a classmate (let's call him [[PhilFoglio Winslow]]), I very calmly took the plastic bag the balloons had been stored in--one of those big ten-gallon deals--walked to the faucet in the park's bathroom, and emerged with a ''huge'' bag of water and a bellowed challenge: "'''[[AddedAlliterativeAppeal Winslow, you weasel, where the hell are you?]]'''" Needless to say, HilarityEnsued. ** Is it wrong of me to have said "Fuck, yeah." after reading that? * This troper flipped the bird to a pair of rude customers at work. They lied to the police to get me arrested for assault and battery. * This Troper attended a Trivium concert in 2009 and this kid was "fighting invisible ninjas" in the pit when Whitechapel was performing and punched me in the face accidentally, which broke my glasses. I assumed it was intentional at the moment, so I kicked him ''HARD'' [[GroinAttack in the balls]], punched him in the kidneys, and sent him flying into a support beam where he left with something like a busted nose or a bleeding lip (I didn't see, at the time, the venue's lighting was piss-poor - all I know was he was bleeding) as well. I only found out he wasn't a drunken asshole from some girl he was with on the street after the show, even though other people at the show told me "good job" and such for getting rid of a pit ninja (he had hit other people at the show as well, apparently). ** This was followed quickly by LaserGuidedKarma, as I caught the swine flu three days later, just as my hearing had returned. * Original fiction example (we still put those in Troper Tales, don't we?): Working on a light sci-fi/space-pirates story wherein one character will get the spaceship equivalent of a parking ticket/car boot. Note that I find booting cars (which hasn't even happened to me, the following is based on principle alone) to be completely unjustifiable for the reason that, if done in a remote location, it can impede the ability of a person to return home. Going home is something I feel should always be possible except in cases of imprisonment of the person himself/herself. You do not keep people from being able to return to a familiar, controlled, friendly, predictable environment. ''Ever.'' So, when the protagonist calls the enforcement officer over to pay the ticket, he opens a compartment in the ship to get his credit chit and hands the officer a box, saying "Here, hang onto this for a sec." He transfers the money and puts the credit chit away, taking the box back too. The officer goes on his

merry way and our hero takes off for his next appointment. So what was in the box? A block of Phoroxium-161, a (fictitious) highlyradioactive isotope in whose presence our hero's species evolved, conferring immunity upon them, but which causes an extremely protracted and indescribably painful death by radiation sickness in other species who are susceptible to it. The enforcement officer has about 3 weeks to live, but given that they'll be spent watching ''and feeling'' his own body turn to an organic slurry, seeing his vision degrade into blindness as his eyes liquefy and drain out of their sockets, and having to fight hard not to drown in the goop that used to be the solid tissue of his throat running down into his lungs, all of this accompanied by the feeling of white-hot belt-sanders scraping away all the sensory neurons in his body ''all the time'', he'll die wishing our hero had just put a bullet in his head to begin with. The Brits have Angle Grinder Man. For everything else, there's psychopathic DisproportionateRetribution by radiation poisoning. ** That was brutal even by my standards, tell us your secrets! Or be impaled on a great massive pike that's on fire while I throw tomahawks at you. *** Actually rather simple. It's largely a two-element formula: First, you need to be willing and able to consider, in painstaking and explicit detail, the physical ramifications of what you're writing and make sure not to exaggerate based on the cause (e.g. if you want to have a laser beam that causes heads to explode, figure out how it would need to happen in order to be plausible or figure out some secondary catalyst for the explosion). Also, if you're going to explode heads (again, just for the sake of example), don't write that the head burst like a water balloon - that's too comical. Instead, write something along the lines of heat from the laser boiling the cerebrospinal fluid, raising intracranial pressure to critical levels and causing massive fractures in the skull from the inside out, forcing brain matter to spray through the cracks and the eyes to burst out of their sockets. It's much more believable, due to being much less over the top and more realistic due to the asymmetrical shape of the skull (unless you're dealing with a species with perfectly spherical heads). Secondly, as if these examples haven't made this perfectly clear already, cross the line. Not [[CrossesTheLineTwice twice]], but five, six, seven, however many times it takes until you're completely shocked at yourself for having thought it up. Then do it exactly one more time, to prove to yourself that there's more where that came from and to instill the notion that no matter how bad you make something, it can always get worse, so you haven't "gone too far." That prevents you from turning yourself off to writing violence due to self-loathing or disgust. After that, it's all just little details and learning how to write them. Hint on that front: appeal to the senses. Reread the above passage and note the bit about vision blurring, difficulty breathing, burning pain all over the body. That stuff is key. Get the audience to imagine vividly what it would be like to experience what the victim is experiencing. And really, that passage was pretty mild in the way of some of the grisly depictions I've written, especially compared to what tends to happen to priests, preachers, pastors and the like in my stories. Heh, just wait till I

get around to writing about TSA employees. That's gonna be more fun than a barrel of botulism-infected monkeys. * This troper has a tendency to do this to AIs either when an enemy AI does something horrible to some other character I really liked, or [[ChronicBackstabbingDisorder to AIs on my own team]] when [[FriendlyFireproof the friendly-fire option is on]] if they [[ArtificialStupidity do one too many dumb things if not try to kill me]]. They take a sucker-shot at me one too many times, I come totting my grenade launcher (or variants thereof) to return the shots back. [[EscortMission Kill my helpless slab of woobie-meat while my back is turned?]] I reload the save, brutally slaughter the entire platoon, and then drag my living mcguffin toward the finish line through the wreckage. [[TheSims Neighbor sims tease one of my controlled sims until they break down in tears?]] [[NoodleIncident Better hope they're fireproof and like cheese sandwiches]]. What? [[{{Pokemon}} They knocked out the Magikarp I was raising?]] Better prepare for [[OlympusMons a dish of Lugia-rage]]. What's that? They killed [[strike: Kenny]] [[{{Yugioh}} Kuriboh?]] Better pray to their [[RandomNumberGod deck-god]] before the full calvary of 8+ star monsters line up front and center to blast their ass to next Wednesday. ** This same troper was also a victim of the trope as well. One time I was playing [[{{Yugioh}} 7 Trials of Glory]] and had been curious of what Yugi has to say if you had beaten him after seeing the reactions of other [=NPCs=]. Fortunately, that wasn't too hard, because he made pretty poor decisions early into the game that crippled him very quickly [[hottip:*: he left himself open with neither traps/spells nor monsters set up for two turns, then on a turn where he ''actually started doing something'', he ended up summoning Summoning Skull twice (the first time was buffed, but because I attached a spell that paralyzed it ([[ArtificialStupidity the buffs coming AFTER I crippled it, by the way]]), he sacrificed it to summon a different Summoning Skull with far less power than the first) as well as Maha Vailo, except that long before this time I had a monster out decidedly more powerful than both their ATKs combined thanks to environment and equip card buffs, and he didn't have the LP to spare to leave dangerously underpowered mons out in the open like this without losing.]], so I finally got my chance. What I expected was for him to either be stunned like the other [=NPCs=] (like Ryou, Tristan, Joey/Jounouchi, etc. do) or carefree in a "you did great, let's play again" kind of way (like Tea and somewhat Mai). What I got, however, was him breaking down and crying because by failing a casual game, he believes he failed Yami. Unfortunately, at the time I've beaten Yugi for the first time I was playing the game with some friends, one of which noticed this and happens to be Yugi's fan. So, as punishment for making her favorite {{Adorkable}} kid cry she made it her life mission to make ''me'' cry by restarting one of my old pokemon cartridges holding a collection of glitch pokemon that took me a month to collect and another month to train and use without breaking the game beyond repair. This became a running joke among my other friends, who would always tell the Yugi fan when I had 7 Trials on hand and warn her of when I had beaten another character to a point of crying. History

repeated itself since [[TheDevTeamThinksOfEverything I had dueled and won against a cat]], and although it technically didn't cry, she was convinced I scared poor kitty and I found two other games (or rather, misplaced memory cards) wiped clean of their saved data three days later (goodbye, [[SuperSmashBros trophy collection]], and farewell [[{{Pikmin}} completed Dolphin]], you both will be missed). There was an aversion to this, however, as a third time I was playing the game when I didn't have her around, and was about to beat Marik [[hottip:*:Again, not that hard, because like Yugi he had made a really nasty mistake that costed him. While he had the advantage on the field for a good while with monsters I didn't have the right hand to counter, suddenly he had Card Destruction and [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny apparently loved it so much he immediately went nuts over it to a point he used it, then miraculously drew two others like it among other card discarding/drawing spells like Graceful Charity and Pot of Greed]], essentially playing the old switcheroo that lasted over five minutes and costed probably a quarter of his deck's worth of cards (throwing occasional spells out for the hell of it that I think he did for the lulz since it caused his own mons to be wiped out) before it ended with his side of the field completely wiped clean of monsters, spells and booby traps, which ended with him saying hello to Kuriboh who devoured his remaining LP.]] when she suddenly walked in and saw this. Fortunately, Marik didn't cry (although [[{{Yandere}} his reaction to it was something else]]) so the other older games she borrowed came back with their save files still in-tact. Lesson learned: Don't make Yugi (or any other bishie) cry, least of all in front of a fangirl that is heavily devoted in shipping him with [[strike: [[MarySue herself]]]] [[HoYay Yami]] and whom lives nearby you [[hottip:*: For those curious of why I'd still hang around her long enough for the second event to happen, nevermind others, was because she was actually somewhat of a nice person and helped me a lot with other things outside of gaming. Well, [[DataVampire when she's not actively devouring half your gaming library's worth of saves over bishies]].]] *** Maybe confront her over alienating real people over imaginary characters? * [[WhatAnIdiot When attempting to take injustice into one's own hands,]] an equal and opposite reaction is still seen as a reaction and [[UnstableEquilibrium thus elicits another response]]. This troper has thus made it his policy to inflict DisproportionateRetribution whenever wronged in some way, so that the offender's reaction [[StupidNeutral ends up]] [[XanatosGambit reestablishing]] [[YourMileageMayVary the balance.]] The problem with this method is, of course, that it is nigh-impossible to stop the exchange of offenses until both parties are satisfied with the balance before the other party [[ForgotICouldFly remembers their authority]] over [[TooDumbToLive this troper]] and [[CuttingTheKnot cuts the knot.]] * This Troper was playing Halo:Reach yesterday, attempting campaign on Legendary Solo (he hadn't bothered before). By Level 6, we were storming the beach, and I was gleefully stealing my allies few kills, laughing at their futile attempts to actually matter in the scheme of things. Once we entered the base, a solitary Elite attacked. I

promptly unloaded into him, and as I reloaded, the Elite died. I stopped, turned to the nearest group of Marines, and killed every single one of them. To make this worse, they probably didn't even do it. I'm betting it was Kat. We are mortal enemies. ** So those hapless marines are just trying to survive on Reach, and a Spartan comes up and shoots them all because they HELPED HIM KILL AN ELITE? [[YouBastard You bastard.]] * Due to ValuesDissonance,I feel that many of the [[DisproportionateRetribution unfair punishments]] before the Industrial Revolution weren't this trope.No,I think the people that implemented them [[StrawHypocrite didn't act out because they thought it was right.]]Rather,I feel they just did it for the purpose of scaring people into submission. * This troper enjoys [[VitriolicBestBuds poking and annoying her best friend]] every day because said friend knocked this troper's planner off of her desk a few times in sixth grade (which was two years ago). * This troper's local classic rock station (KLBJ FM) did a bit on the Rock 'n Roll Halftime Show where the hosts were talking about spicy peppers. One guy joked around and did a dead-on impression of the Whataburger guy (a voice on the commercials for a Texas-exclusive - if I recall correctly - chain of burger joints) talking about how he ate a scorpion jalapeno someone slipped into his burger. After he got done "hootin' and a hollerin'", he went out to his car and got his flamethrower, tracked down the person who put the pepper in his burger, and shot them in the face with the flamethrower. * This one guy I never met before in my life once pulled up in his car, screamed profanities at me then hit me with a bottle. What was my crime that so much deserved a bottle over my head? Being fat. (The real kicker here; [[HollywoodPudgy At the time I was a UK size 8)]]. * This troper was once suspended from his accounting job for a week because a payroll client phoned up to say they hadn't received the payslips for the week. Whilst that may sound like a fair punishment, the client was phoning a day after the payslips were sent in the post, which was ''still'' before they were actually needed - They weren't needed for another day, and we (The accountants) had already arranged for the wages to be paid into the employee bank accounts later in the week. So the client had phoned up because something they didn't need until later in the week had arrived straight away. And if that's not bad enough? '''It wasn't even my fault they hadn't received them yet'', it was the post office skipping a collection that caused it. * This troper is going through hell because someone on deviantART has sent her death threats and made a fake facebook page of her, calling her a slut. Why? Because this troper reported her and her alternate accounts for art theft. * Subverted...This troper's friend brought a pocket knife to schoolyou know, the ones with a bunch of different blades and everything. She's been bringing it to school for over a year now, and one time, she even chased a kid down the hallway threatening him with it. Punishment? One after-school detention. * Ok...this is gonna be a long one: it's actually three in one ** In fourth grade, I had a friend who I told nearly all my secrets. One day I told her that I didn't like the fact that my friend was

flirting with the guy I had a crush on. She then proceeded to write a letter to him under the name of the friend who was flirting with him, and made me promise not to tell. When the guy found the letter he was devastated, so I did the right thing and told him my friend wrote the letter ( the letter was DisproportionateRetribution on it's own). When my friend found out, she chased me to the end of the playground and started to choke me for ''[[CompletelyMissingThePoint being a bad friend]]''. I started to choke her in self defense, and only stopped when her face turned purple. The principle only saw me choking her and threatened to have me expelled or call the cops until I explained the situation. [[{{Understatement}} fourth grade wasn't a good year for me]]. * This Troper would often [[WoundedGazelleGambit tell someone else that her mom, dad, or a teacher that they were hurting her.]] Though often, all they did was just yell at her or say something she didn't like.[[hottip:* : Though they ''might have'' hurt her self-esteem, [[FridgeBrilliance if you think about it.]]]] [[TheLibby Melanie]] likes to [[KickTheDog make fun of this.]] Stupid [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch.]] * This troper once incurred the punishment of having his Internet connection automatically cut off at certain arbitrary time each day... for using it during the never explicitly defined forbidden time. [[SarcasmMode Fair enough.]] The very day the punishment was lifted, this troper's mother walked in on him immediately after the restricted time and saw him [[RantInducingSlight using a computer, enjoying the freedom he had just been given]], and promptly [[FlatWhat reinstated the punishment. This cycle has repeated itself several times now.]] * This Troper is very low-key and never does anything illegal or generally frowned upon, generally does her homework, but her parents are incredibly tough on her anyways. Stay up until 1 am on a summer night? Selfish and a betrayal of parents' trust. Disagree on what's for dinner? Purposely trying to piss people off, life-ruiner. Tell a boy I love him at 16? Slut. Being harassed verbally by people I don't even know on a regular basis? I'm being whiny. I spill something once, I'm brain-dead and a perpetual klutz. Friend calls to spend time with me at 20? He's a stalker and my mother wants to get a restraining order against him. Admit I'm skeptical of God and don't think having sex before marriage is as bad as people say? They threaten to disown me. Mom wouldn't talk to me for awhile because I told her I was ''friends'' with a lesbian. No way am I ever telling her ''I'm'' pansexual. ** Let them disown you. From what you've just related, you don't need them. * AssassinsCreed: Those beggars, madmen and musicians are always getting a nice sword through their eyes or other body parts when they think it would be a good idea to throw rocks at that white robed and running lunatic. ---You went back to DisproportionateRetribution?! BURN! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DisproportionateReward * [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Tropers/Icalasari This Troper]] once went to a card game store to get some Pokemon cards. I rode my bike there. When I went in, a woman asked me if I hit her car. I said no. She later bought me a pack of cards before I left the store. I thought the norm was to thank the person for telling the truth and punish them if they lied, not buy them something when they told the truth about something as trivial as whether or not you hit a car. Not that I'm complaining because, hey, free stuff :D ** New one to add: Reducing the size of a file by merely resizing it and saving it as a JPEG netted me $10 * Help an elderly neighbor with her groceries? $40. Oh yes. * Helped the manager of the hair salon next to my workplace jump his car one evening. Got a free haircut and style/blowout (about $35), plus employee pricing on their products, for just moving my car over a few spaces and letting it idle for five minutes. Sweet. * This trope came up in a recent RPG session. My character provided some information to a god (that could prove helpful with some research that might save the world...) and was rewarded with a largedenomination coin "usually reserved for above-and-beyond-the-call-ofduty hazard pay". Proportionate from his point of view, since it matched the importance of the information; but my character didn't see it that way (and actually refused the reward) as all she'd done was answer some simple questions. This led to quite an interesting scene. * I have gotten free food and money for what I see as simple acts of common courtesy and not leaving my questions unasked and stupid. ** First I got some free potatoes (dinner for me and my folks) just for returning an older woman's shopping cart to the return stall. ** Second, I found a notebook in one of my college classrooms and left a note on the board saying that if someone was missing it they should call me. It turned out to belong to a faculty member and she gave me $10 for returning it. ** Third and most recent, a talk with my dad over a chip in my car's windshield led me to email my finance professor with some insurance questions. He met me on the way into the classroom and asked if I minded him sharing my questions with the rest of the class. I said sure, and after lecture he gave me $10 to help fix my windshield. ---Can you [[DisproportionateReward click here]]? You just won the internet! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

Dissimile * A friend of mine who had just come back from shaving his (quite abrasive) beard has the following exchange with me: -->'''Him:''' There, smooth like a baby butt.

-->'''Me:''' I highly doubt that. -->'''Him:''' Well, like the ass of a very hairy baby who just shaved his ass. * Trigonometry homework is like making macaroni and cheese. Except you make it twenty times. And you don't know how much cheese there is. You have to figure out the cheese from the milk. Then you have to show how you made the macaroni and cheese. [[{{Metaphorgotten}} Is anybody going to eat the macaroni and cheese? No. They just go right ahead and throw it into the recycling bin.]] * On the subject of ''{{Gankutsuou}}'' -->'''Friend:''' It's exactly like ''{{The Count of Monte Cristo}}''. -->'''Me:''' Except they're on the moon? -->'''Friend:''' Well, yeah. -->'''Me:''' And the count is a vampire? -->'''Friend:''' Well besides those. -->'''Me:''' And there are giant robots? * This troper once found this gem on a discussion forum, relating to sexual activities of a highly...exotic nature: -->That sounds like something really naughty. And by "naughty", I mean "arousing", and by "arousing", I mean "fetishistic", and by "fetishistic", I mean "gross", and by 'gross', I mean "possibly illegal", and by "possibly illegal", I mean "''really'' naughty". ** That's not that big a dissimile. *** Still counts. It's just a subversion. * Fun with directions: -->'''Boyfriend''': So at the next light, I make a right?\\ '''[[{{Tropers/Momonga}} This troper]]''': Yes.\\ '''DramaticPause.'''\\ '''This troper''': Except it's not a light; it's a stop sign. And you don't turn right; you turn left. So I guess what I meant was no. * About {{Tropers/This-guy}}'s iPod Nano's landscape mode: -->'''Classmate''': It's like an iPod touch.\\ '''Me''': Yeah, except without the touchscreen. * I don't know if this counts, but, as a subversion, or inversion, or something, this troper says "When it's a warm winter day in hell." This troper, always means Hell, Norway (It's real. Look it up. For the record, "Helvete" is the Norwegian word for "hell".) * This line from my U.S. History textbook is neither significant nor hilarious, but it's just one eye-glazing example from the fabulous writers: "Partisan and sectional pressures buffeted federal land policy like a kite in a March wind." Not like I didn't hate this textbook already. ** You'll have to pardon this troper, but I missed something. Perhaps where you live March is calm, but where he lives we frequently get quite strong winds. ** That would be Texas's fault. They've a sizeable deciding role in textbook content as major buyers, and the March weather there has stolen [[{{Tropers/Eccentric}} my]] hat a fair number of times. * Playing fast and loose with schoolwork: -->'''Friend''': So what're you doing right now? -->'''Me''': Reading ''{{Watchmen}}''. And by ''{{Watchmen}}'', I mean "this paper that's due in two hours." And by that I mean

''{{Watchmen}}''. * This troper's friends had the following conversation: -->'''#1''': Every time you send an e-mail, it's like burning a piece of coal.\\ '''#2''': I don't think that's how the internet works... * I love using this to explaing my theory on women and men. --> Me: "It's Vaginamancy!" --> Friend: "What?" --> Me: "Vaginamancy! It's like Necromancy, only instead of controling dead things you control men and instead of using magic you use your vagina." ** And in the end, the analogy is still spot on. (Although the name should technically be "Mascumancy", since it refers to what you're controlling? Dunno...) *** Rather, Necromancy is Latin for speaking to the dead, so I imagine that Vaginamancy would be speaking to Vaginas. Either way your wicked powers don't work on this troper! *** Either way, your theory is flawed, as [[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey it is based on the wrong female organ]]. **** [[GratuitousLatin Mamma]]mancy? * A teacher at this troper's school: --> "Imagine a sphere of glass, I mean, it doesn't have to be of glass. It doesn't have to be a sphere either..." * [[{{Tropers/CptButton}} This troper's]] capsule description of ''TheWallflower'': --> "It's like ''MyFairLady'', if Eliza was a [[TheEeyore depressed]] {{otaku}} {{goth}} [[PaleSkinnedBrunette chick]]. And Professor Higgins and Colonel Pickering were four hot [[{{Bishonen}} bishonen]] guys. And they were all Japanese [[HighSchool high school]] students. With no singing. Come to think of it, it's not much like ''MyFairLady'' at all." * This troper deliberately uses it when describing the ''TengenToppaGurrenLagann'' attitude to psychiatry. -->Psychological hang-ups are solved by patient therapy, and by "patient" I mean "being punched", and by "therapy" I mean "in the face". * My mother, on the [[BabylonFive Minbari fighting pike]]: "It's like a [[StarWars lightsabre]] without the light." * "Sex is like freeze tag. Except it's played in a bed, usually, and it's not freeze tag, it's fucking." * [[{{Tropers/HSZMV}} HSZMV]] does this all the time. He once created a list called Life is Like a Song, which made a life metaphor using popular bands. His personal favorite was "Life is like a Nicleback song: Some people think it's highly overrated, and the rest believe it's the best thing to happen to Canada ever." * ThisTroper has described [[TheMockbuster The Asylum]] movies as "Like a porn version without the porn." * Here's a pretty good one I read on a [[http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/2vh/of_the_qran_and_its_stylist ic_resources/2sl3?c=1 community blog]]: --> "The Qur'an is repetitive. However, almost every time it says something that can be translated as "Allah is Great" or "All Mighty"

or "All Knowing" or "Awesomecool", it says it in a different way, with different connotations: there's a lot of subtlety to it. However, yeah, unlike the Bible and the Torah which are apparently prose, meant to be studied, the Qur'an is very much poetry, kind of like a gigantic mantra that likes to repeat himself. Think of Main/FrankMiller (who once knew how to write awesomely), only with even more repetition and much less whores. Which isn't much like Main/FrankMiller now that I think of it." * I have a habit of referring to things/situations like: "This is as X as anything could possibly be without being X at all." * Anne Beeche remembers back when she was first introduced to handball. "So it's like soccer," I said. The friend who was introducing it to me said, "Yeah, it's like soccer except it's not like soccer at all." * This troper's friend Tyler is this personified. Not a day goes by without one extended {{Dissimile}} from him. Can't think of any though. My dad is partcularly good at them too, such as computers being like babies. * I've always used a line "It's just like playing Monopoly, but different." * [[Tropers/UmlautBanana This troper]]'s friend on Blackberry phones: -->"Why does no one want other people to touch their Blackberries? It's like they're like puppies. Except smaller. And with buttons. * About three years ago I didn`t know anything about DeathNote, I hadn`t even heard about it. But one of my friends was a ''huge'' fan, so she decided to fill me in... --> Friend: "DeathNote is just like KamikazeKaitouJeanne, [[RecycledInSpace except Maron is evil]]." --> Me: "Sounds cool, tell me more!" --> Friend: "And Maron and Miyako are both super geniuses. [[DarkerAndEdgier And instead of sickenly cute chibi angels there are]] {{Shinigami}}. Also Maron doesn`t seal demons or steal stuff, but kills people." --> Me: "Awesome!" (At this point I pictured DeathNote to be about a FallenAngel/ DarkMagicalGirl/ AntiHero [[SlidingScaleOfAntiHeroes Type IV with]] [[MagicMusic sound]] [[BrownNote powers]] (because, you know: Death ''Note''), who has the hots for a [[EvilIsSexy dark]] Ichigo [[CaptainErsatz substitute]] in a [[SlidingScaleofIdealismVersusCynicism dark]] UrbanFantasy setting) --> Me: "So what`s the plot?" --> Friend: (explains the basic plot of DeathNote) --> Me: "Actually that doesn`t sound like KamikazeKaitouJeanne at all." --> Friend: "Yeah, you`re probably right." ** By the way comparing ''any'' book/ series to KamikazeKaitoJeanne soon became a meme among us. * When someone confuses two unrelated terms in my chemistry class, the teacher says that it is like confusing Friday with a watermelon. ---That reminds me of a great story. And by "great story", I mean, "[[{{Main/Dissimile}} the main article]]". ----

DissonantLaughter * This troper frequently spars his friends using a variety of swords, pole weapons, and unarmed moves, and whenever the action gets intense enough, he just can't help but cackle madly. It's just tons of fun, though the ones on the other side of it don't always think so. It's not mocking, really! * This troper burst into laughter whilst riding the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror at Disneyland. He's fairly certain it was hysterics, because he's ''terrified'' of heights. * This troper (out of genuine amusement) laughs every time they get hurt which tends to disturb people as that's not quite the response they expect from punching me

DistaffCounterpart * [[OtherJoey This troper]] recently found out that he had far more in common with a classmate of his than he realized, leading their friends to joke about being the opposite-sex versions of each other. * This Troper has just found her distaff counterpart - and he lives on the other side of the world! We're going to get together and convince people we're siblings. **Wouldn't That Be [[SpearCounterpart Spear Counterpart]]? * Tip: if someone ever says "He/She's perfect for you!" It's because said person is a Spear/Distaff Counterpart of you. Happens to me all the freaking time. * Well, here's a good description of the distinct qualities of my more evil twin: She's a girl. A YaoiFangirl, I might add. I don't know her name, so I gotta keep a potato out for this fuckwad. ** A potato? [[NoodleImplements Do I]] ''[[NoodleImplements wanna]]'' [[NoodleImplements know?]] * When the PS2 server of {{Phantasy Star Universe}} used to still exist I played a male blue haired beast fighgunner who mainly used doublesabres and had animal parts (horns) on his head. Eventually I ended up in a party with a female blue haired beast fighgunner who mainly used doublesabres and had animal parts (cat ears) on her her.

DistractedByTheSexy * One day This Troper wanted to draw something and listened to her favorite band for inspiration. She never finished that drawing, because she was Distracted By The Sexy of the singer's voice. * One of the reasons This Troper can't remember anything from Latin class is because he spent almost all of it be distracted by sexy. * This Troper is the sort of woman who wears baggy T-shirts and sports bras on a regular basis. Recently, This Troper played Audrey in a production of Little Shop of Horrors. The costume consisted of an ultralow-cut [Stripperific] leapord-print mini-dress (complete with a super push-up bra),complete with a leather corset-belt, red four inch stiletto heels, a blonde wig and bimbo-tastic makeup. The first time

she appeared onstage wearing said costume, Mushnik forgot his lines, and Seymour actually tripped down the stairs for real when he made his first entrance. This Troper was quite proud of herself. * My Dad once described a scene from his college days. A girl with "more movements than a Swiss watch" was walking down the street. Some poor shmoo was riding a bike in the other direction. Except his head kept turning to watch the girl as they passed each other. The guy promptly ran his bike up a tree. * This troper uses this trope for fun and randomly flashes a lot of cleavage to her partner. Without fail, it stops him in mid sentence and makes him lose his train of thought. * This troper isn't the Distracted, but the Distractee. Short shorts, thigh highs, low-cut shirt... and the ability to win any game. Ever. ** Except for ''The Game'' *** ...OH '''GODAMN IT!''' *** I hate you. *** [[SophisticatedAsHell Dear Sir or Madam, you are an ass.]] *** Go beat {{Doom}} 2. After all, "To win the game you must kill me, John Romero". Therefor, if you beat Doom 2, you'll have won The Game. ** Beer pong becomes the easiest game ever if your best friend and teammate deepthroats her beer bottle while the other team is shooting. * Pretty much all people with any kind of sexuality. ** I was walking behind my girlfriend who was wearing tight jeans at the time. Needless to say, I didn't see that stop sign coming. ** Happened to me just yesterday with ''my'' girlfriend. CLANG!! * Happens very often for me. Whether it be a real life example, or a game character I [[PerverseSexualLust particularly like]], I am very easily distracted. My friends have started taking advantage of this. Case in point (during a game of [[SuperSmashBrothers Brawl]]): --> Friend: Hey Troper! --> Me: Uh? --> Friend: [[OcarinaOfTime Shirtless Ocarina Liiiink~]] --> Me: Aaaaaah... *melt* * This troper was one day in gym class shooting hoops when one of his female classmates suddenly said "Look Over Here". She then proceeded to pull down her shorts exposing her spanx. Needless to say this troper was distracted. While distracted friend of said female classmate threw a basketball at my face proppeling me to the groundwhile they walked away laughing and calling me a perv. This troper had never had such an EpicFail before and has learned that if a girl suddenly starts showing skin for no apparent reason, it is NEVER good. ** She's the one that flashes you and she calls you a perv... * Some lesbians are vulnerable to this. Show this troper a woman in a suit and she's likely to walk into a pole. ** Oh yes. This lesbian troper has knocked over many bookshelves while checking out the hot short haired barista at books-a-million. Needless to say I drink a lot of coffee while I'm there. ** That's not just lesbians. This heterosexual male troper has been known to get so turned on by a woman in a suit that he almost fell off of Slieve League. * This troper subverted it. While taking a science test he noticed

that the hottest girl in the class had a top that was too loose on and that her boobs kept falling out whenever she leaned over. He was good and distracted but still managed a B+ on that final. Best day ever. * This makes being a bisexual a bit of a strain on the neck, frankly. Anime conventions... pretty boys in dresses and hot girls in suits. Woof! ** I feel your [[strike:pain]] for you. ** This (female) troper was talking with her two best (female) friends while walking down a hallway at the local anime convention. About 30 seconds later, this troper realized that said friends had mysteriously vanished. Reason? As they later put it... "Did you see that guy's abs?!" As well, at the same convention, this troper walked into a small metal caf table due to an absolutely gorgeous Fran cosplayer. ** This troper was leaving a con when she passed by a very attractive and curvy woman without a shirt on, only body paint. Very nearly lost her group. * This troper's (female) dormmates ran into the coffee table at the sight of [[MetalGearSolid naked Raiden]], repeatedly, she spent a ridonkulous amount of time as naked raiden just for the reaction. * This female troper was making a left turn when she spotted a pickup truck drive by. The pickup truck was filled with young, hot shirtless guys. This troper very nearly ran a pedestrian over. * This male troper has occasional moments of StupidSexyFlanders that lead to this. Normally TheQuietOne, some spectacularly hot guys have the ability to turn me into a screaming homosexual. * Ask any straight male ''{{beatmania}} IIDX'' player what makes [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGuIV6TWGks Last Message]] so hard to [[SelfImposedChallenge full combo]]. I'll give you a hint: 0:57-1:00. ** This troper cannot clear the ''pop'n music'' song "Fake" with [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itPsRlDrr4U Dance Ojama]] turned on, for a number of reasons: 1. A character is partially blocking the screen. 2. A showgirl is partially blocking the screen. [[RuleOfThree 3.]] A {{Stripperiffic}} showgirl is partially blocking the screen. * This troper has had this happen. While Driving. ** Additionally, it has also happen to the same troper, with certain cars. (Also while driving) ** My female friend was the cause of a deconstruction of this. She...[[{{Understatement}} wasn't to happy about it]]. * This troper once crashed his moped into a lamppost because he was distracted by a girl wearing what could charitably be described as a belt and a bikini. * This troper and her family were taking a walk. A bus with a large swimsuit ad on its side drove by. This troper's dad stared at it, them promptly ran into the glass of a nearby bus stop. Cue to everyone else falling over with laughter. * You see, this is why I love peripheral vision. ** Seconded. You can keep "the sexy" in your line of sight, and oncoming obstacles will be slightly blurrier but nonetheless present. That is exactly what you meant, right? *** I was thinking he or she meant the inverse of that. You keep your eyes on the obstacles but watch "the sexy" with your peripheral vision (because they can't accuse you of staring at them if you aren't).

** Glass reflection might also help sometimes. * This straight troper has to stop and stare at any old photos of Sandra Church as Louise in ''{{Gypsy}}''. One of her (lesbian) friends knows this, and once sent me a photo of Church while I was talking to her and half-doing my math homework. I completely forgot about the math for about five minutes. * This (lesbian) troper was once at a store where her straight friend's crush worked. She was texting with the friend and the conversation went (translated from text speak), "He has blonde hair and bangs, and stocks shelves." "I don't see him, but there's this hot girl I've been following around for the past ten minutes so I haven't been able to look." * This troper had a teacher in high school. She was so incredibly sexy that everyone (''[[EvenTheGirlsWantHer everyone]]'') was too busy ogling her or fantasizing about her to pay attention to her lessons. ** There was a sub in my high school that was only about five years (if that) older than the seniors, and sexy enough to distract at least three or four of the girls in class. ** A teacher in my school is a lot like this. (it didn't help that she was Indian, this troper's favorite ethnicity). The next semester in English I was talking to someone else about her and he said that "If she catches you looking at her ass, she just smiles". ** Happened with a couple of my professors, including one I ''know'' to be lesbian (I've met her partner). In particular, the other one (a postgrad just finishing up her Ph.D at the time). I had to keep mentally castigating myself. "Pay attention to the ''material!'' '''''Stop''''' imagining what she looks like naked, dammit!" *** This trope knows no borders, either: [[Tropers/GamerFromJump This same troper]] managed to nearly take out an old lady, because my eyes were following the [[HelloNurse extraordinarily hot]] HongKong ChineseGirl walking nearby, and not my path of travel. It doesn't help that I'm TheBigGuy compared to most of the population, and could hurt somebody that way. * You think that's bad? Try serving a religious mission where you're not even allowed to date. Trust me, after two years of doing your best of trying to not think of attractive people as potential... well, potential ''anything'', almost anyone starts looking attractive at distracting levels. Once, during this troper's mission, he was talking to a fellow missionary who stopped talking in the middle of a sentence when he saw a particularly pretty woman, and then he suddenly started mumbling "so... beautiful..." ** In some rural Xhosa townships it is considered unnecessary for unmarried women to wear tops. I spent eighteen months of my mission in township. Pity me. * This troper fell victim to it while working out. Few first impressions are less sexy than falling off a treadmill. In my defense, yoga pants. Just.. yoga pants. ** Are you kidding me? This troper cannot think of anything more {{adorkable}} than falling off a treadmill. Plus, a lot of girl would have that nurturing/mother instinct kick in when someone else gets hurt. * [[SharmHedgehog Me]]. It's hard to concentrate when you have to sit

next to the InnocentFanserviceGirl (who is over 13, mind you, and just about [[TheSmurfettePrinciple the only girl]]), who Gainaxes, is wellendowed, and I was constantly paired up with her. Yep. * This troper was walking in New York City when I saw a woman in a jogging outfit bend over at the waist to tie her shoe. No less than four drivers stopped at the red light practically drooled out the window at her. All four missed the light. ** It's not just males, either. This female Troper was driving past a college-heavy area and happened to have the very good fortune to notice [[ShirtlessScene a group of very drool-worthy college guys hanging out near the local outdoor pool.]] She nearly crashed the car. * [[{{Seraph}} This troper]] (male, straight) almost lost a judo match to a female opponent due to this. When I found myself staring down her suit and noticed she had no bra on I completely forgot about escaping from the hold she had me in for at least five full seconds... * This troper goes out of his way to Invert this trope at every opportunity. He fails 50% of the time. It doesn't help that he's one of 7 males on a choir with 30+ female members, three of whom do ''not'' have the MostCommonSuperpower. Or that it's spring, and he's in college, where 54% of the students are female. In the spring. ** You poor soul. * If this troper ever finds that cute girl he saw when he was 14, he's gonna sue her due to him walking into a mailbox shortly after laying eyes on her. * [[{{Aline}} This troper]] gets distracted by pretty boys rather easily (hell, ''everything'' distracts me, but hey). To the point of an online friend sending a supermodel pictures page, and said troper... Forgetting her friend to look at the hotness. Luckily for her, she lives in a place where most guys are ugly, so, she only gets DistractedByTheShiny instead. ** That's nothing - This Troper got so distracted by a ''very attractive'' young man while she was eating at a fast food spot that she managed to smash her burger into her face. Thankfully, the guy didn't notice. *** I'm sorry but that's just too funny. :-D * This troper, who is generally very good about this sort of thing, found himself taken aback when he saw a classmate who was wearing a very sexy "Riddler" costume. * I'm sorry, [[TheNostalgiaCritic Mr. Critic]], what were you saying about Superman? I got distracted by how pretty and girly your eyes looked. (In my defence, I'm helpless when it comes to [[strike: men]] anyone who looks good in mascara and eyeliner.) ** Sorry, what? I was busy staring at his goatee... ** Meanwhile, this troper often doesn't take in anything TheNostalgiaChick is saying in her videos, being too distracted by her lips. * This (lesbian) troper once accidentally ran a red light when a very buxom young woman wearing a bikini top and very tight exercise shorts went jogging past. * This troper has a very odd subversion. He's only been DistractedByTheSexy three times in his 17 years of what could theoretically be called life, and in each time, he stared, and sorta

slammed headfirst into a different... ahem... well endowed personage of the other gender. BY ACCIDENT HAH HAH I AM NOT A PERVERT LOLZ. * Just for fun, this troper showed her two best friends the video of [[AmericanIdol Adam Lambert's]] performance of 'Ring of Fire.' They sat staring blankly at the computer for about five minutes after it was finished. In the words of one of them - "Oh. My. God." *drool* * A little while ago I had a mock exam at college. There is this girl I quite fancied in the group. I'd definitely describe her as pretty, even without trying, yet this day she managed to make herself look even prettier than normal, and also more grown up (she's a few years younger than me, which had always been an issue), yet at the same time it was quite subtle and not over the top (it was mainly how she'd done her hair). When the tutor spread us out for the mock, I ended up sitting almost opposite this girl. For the whole time I kept looking over at her and couldn't stop thinking about her, suddenly she'd gone from "she's cute" to "wow!". I'm fairly sure it has something to do with my unusually low mark. * [[TromboneChild This troper]] can think of a thousand times I've watched something and experienced this, but the most recent and funniest example happened a week ago. I was playing the board game SORRY! with my mother, younger brother, and younger sister in our kitchen. The television was turned on to the local news, but then it cut to a commercial and I noticed it was a preview for the new romantic comedy, ''The Proposal''. It wasn't my turn, so I just started paying attention to the preview, thinking about how goddamn gorgeous [[EstrogenBrigadeBait Ryan Reynolds]] is, and then I heard everyone else saying, "It's ''your'' turn." I just said, "Sorry, I was distracted by the Ryan Reynolds." ** This troper thinks you're compleatly excused. He has that [[DistractedBySexy effect on everyone]]. And I do mean [[StupidSexyFlanders EVERYONE]]. * This has been happening disturbingly frequently to this (straight, female) troper. Sitting at the springs with friends? Cue me staring at the ridiculously hot guy swimming around. Talking while the television is on? I'm too busy looking at the hot guy on TV to pay attention to your conversation. * [[John117XL This troper]] was working late in the office (his work situation needs him and his staff to live in the same building they work in)... when his HOT boss walked by. In a Stripperiffic black corset and stockings. With matching lace collar. The fact that her fiance was right next to her (in gender-bending blonde wig and blue tights) did not stop me from exclaiming "Oh my God...wow" and forgetting about his paper for the next 5 minutes. ** What sort of job is this??? ** Resident Adviser. [[John117XL This troper]] has since graduated and so left the job, but is still friends with her on Facebook, which is where he found out that she was coming back from a theme party. Still...wow. *** This troper's entire male staff of the same job is distracted by one of our bosses similarly. Helps that she's better endowed than the rest of the staff who actually are our age. * This troper has been tricked by her one male friend many a time to

look at other women's butts. It is usually in my Art class and then I get yelled at for not working for the past 5 minutes. * While This Troper was delivering a presentation on Russia in history class, one of the girls in the back decided that right there and then would be a good time to adjust her bra. This Troper lost a good 15 seconds going "And...uh...and..." * Back in the 70s, this troper's dad had a job building pools. One day, he was working with an awl and some building material on his lap. Cue three hot girls in see-through bikinis. Cue {{Distracted By The Sexy}}. Cue an awl through his leg. This troper is still waiting for [[{{Too Dumb To Live}} Natural Selection]] to catch up with his father. * Subverted here. [[{{Darkurai}} This Troper]] [[AllMenArePerverts is]] ''[[AllMenArePerverts very]]'' [[ChivalrousPervert perverted,]] but also very good at multitasking. When playing video games together, [[ShowSomeLeg his girlfriend tends to forget that when she wants to cheat.]] * [[{{Anderling}} This Troper]] went with her mum to get a new dishwasher today. While mum was talking to the salesguy, I noticed a poster near the staircase of a naked woman and a naked man (waist-up, sadly). I ''might'' have been staring at the poster until mum tugged at my sleeve and told me to come along... (In my defense, that guy really was hot...) * This female troper was walking up the stairs when random thoughts and shot attention span kicking in. Somehow, I don't remember why, I started thinking about David Tennant and BAM! I walked right into a wall and ended up with minor head trauma. There was also that time I was looking through my 'hawt guys' folder, which is mostly full of picture of David Tennant & John Barrowman, some without shirts on or just incredibly sexy, mind you, and failed to realize I was slipping off the chair. Hello, injured tailbone. Thankfully, this troper likes geeks and rarely looks at muscle-men, so it doesn't happen much. Annoyingly enough though, according to everyone else, I'm just pretty/cute/hot/attractive enough to make them all walk into things, which isn't something you'd want. And I can't understand why; I don't wear makeup, I don't wear skanky clothes, I don't brush my hair, and I don't really smile. Which means I should ether start getting uglier or use my wiles to rule the world. Who wants to be second-in-command? ** David Tennant is a remarkable example of this trope. This heterosexual troper one stopped mid sentence for 12 minutes to watch the end of a Doctor Who episode before resuming my speech. Needless to say, the other person had long since forgotten what I was talking about. ** Dibs on being your second in command. [[{{Jcatgrl}} This Troper]] is also rather pretty, especially when she smiles, and is also often Distracted By The Nerdy Sexy. * If anyone ever calls this troper on the phone while she's watching certain animes, they should be prepared for the conversation to get derailed mid-sentence, usually with some variation on "WHOA! LOOK AT THAT!" Yeah, I've been told it's annoying. * This troper was playing the Sumo Minigame in TheLegendOfZeldaTwilightPrincess, and his sister walked into the room.

Despite the FanDisservice, she still walked into the closet and bumped her head. * I once forgot my lines on stage during a school play due to this trope. Whoops. * ThisTroper tends to bicycle along the Chicago lakefront rather often in the summer. On the nice days everybody is out jogging, and with a lot of fit young women bouncing along in tight-fitting clothing ... it's distracting indeed. Not to the point of causing an accident, fortunately. * Happens to this troper often when he's exercising, of all things. Now, this troper happens to be bi, which doesn't help a bit. But in the end, he blames the fact that the treadmills happen to be directly in front of the stationary bikes. He completely blames that. Usually it takes a good 10 to 15 seconds to snap out of it and get back to pedalling. * This troper was riding his bike as a teen, when a young woman in painted-on jeans came into view. He hit the back of a pick up hard enough to dent the tailgate and end up in the bed. He would like to report that, with age, this goes away. But last year he returned to College for a Masters at the ripe old age of 36, and thanks to the coeds, has been bruised ever since. * While playing SecondLife this (straight male playing a female) man was chatting with his (bi female playing a male) friend during a dance. When he noticed she hadn't responded in almost ten minutes, he sent a text by phone seeing if she was alright. She texted back, "Girl in front of me. *wigglewigglewiggle* So I cammed over for a look... Conversation over. * While playing CityOfHeroes, this troper was killed by a pair of [[AllTrollsAreDifferent trolls]], because he was distracted by a hot NPC. * A while back this troper went to the movies with a few friends. On coming out of the cinema, she caught sight of the poster for "The Other Boleyn Girl". Cue stopping dead and staring until her friends pulled her on. Come on, Scarlett Johanssen and Natalie Portman in corsets? Unfair. * This troper has rather "ample" charms, and uses them to her absolute advantage. Wearing an extremely low-cut top, a push-up bra and leaning over the table a lot while playing "Magic: The Gathering" is an almost guaranteed win against a male opponent. ** You are a mad genius. * This Troper is ''constantly'' distracted her guitar tutor's odd brand of sexy, to the degree of being absolute crap in lessons because of it. She especially melts when he smiles, mostly because this troper is doing a horrible, '''horrible''' job and he is incredibly amused by it. * What? Killing all the humans? Sure, whatever [[{{Hellboy}} Nuada]], can you practice with the spear again? * [[TacoNinja This one]] cannot stop staring at a certain lady in her art block who has very large breasts. She nearly made this one walk into a radiator. * This troper used to have this problem. Fortunately, it stopped when he realized that none of the women he was distracted by would

[[AllLoveIsUnrequited bother to notice him even if he were on fire]]. * This (gay, male, and sexually frustrated) troper experiences this on a regular basis. The worst time, where he nearly tripped over himself several times over the course of a day, was a recent visit to a Highland Games Festival (thank god for the kilt). He also just recently started taking a kung fu class with more than a few cute guys in it - he expects to eventually get smacked while sparring because of a sexy distraction. * This poor guy was almost hit by a car once because the driver spent too much time oogling a pair of legs in hotpants at a bus stop. * This (female, bi) troper was almost hit by a car when she absently stepped off the pavement, fixated on the ''incredibly'' tight trousers on the woman ten feet ahead of her. * This troper rarely ever runs into distractingly cute boys, but when she does, it results in disaster. See: the day she nearly drove her car onto a curb because of the hot guy on a bike, or the day when she froze and watched a guy walk by. * This troper tends to get this while cycling in the summer. Good reaction times have averted accidents so far, but his sudden snaps from ogling to evading poles have elicted the occasional smile and giggle from the cause. * Has happened many times to this troper, but this one is the most recent: I was riding my bike to the beach when four hot, shirtless, speedo wearing, completely soaked in water men walked off of the sand and into view. They all had brilliant (and sexy to me) tattoos. The hot near naked drenched-ness I could have probably torn my eyes away from, but those damn tattoos... I crashed into a railing and flew a pretty good distance onto the sand, where I managed to land on the only large rock within sight. * Even just thinking about this trope is apparently bad enough, as I entered it into the address bar as "Distracted By The Troper". God only knows which troper I was thinking about. More pertinently, I've completely lost trains of thought about what I was looking for upon spotting the brutally hot girl at the comic book store. * Happened to this troper once when an insanely hot girl chose to sat next to him on the bus. I missed my stop by several blocks. * This trope is the reason why this troper almost bumped into a poster at a bookstore. * [[{{Crion87}} This troper]] was heavily DistractedByTheSexy due to a[[{{EveryoneLooksSexierIfFrench}} very hot Estonian woman]] he met in a weekend class. Too bad it turned out she was married. WhatAnIdiot! Fortunately, [[{{Crion87}} this troper]] cease-and-desisted, for though he is a CovertPervert, he realises EvenEvilHasStandards. * For this I shall surely win the internets: Walks past hot girl with earphones on. Girl is tying shoelaces. Troper approaches, looking suave as hell. Another girl hops down the path. Both girls start making out. Sam makes a sharp turn, DistractedByTheSexy more than ever. Falls onto train tracks. See's train approaching in distance. --> ''"Shit."'' ** Yeah, man, you win. Placed in mortal peril by the sexy. You probably could have sued for criminal negligence, just being all dangerously sexy like that. I'd love to see that in court.

* This happens to [[GalenDev me]] ''far'' more often than it should. A meeting in a public place? Expect me to shut down mid-sentence at ''least'' once. * Happened to this anonymous troper and troper's mother recently. We were having a lovely conversation with Jurassic Park playing in the background and we weren't paying attention to it much until that scene with Jeff Goldblum with his shirt open came on (you know the one)... I actually stopped in mid-sentence to stare and momentarily forgot what we were talking about to begin with. So did my mom. * This troper's (straight, male) friend was complaining that his Chemistry grade was going down because he noticed he sat in behind of a really hot girl. Troper laughed hysterically and teased him about his attention span. The next day, this (lesbian) troper got a new seat in French... right next to the same girl. She now has her own troubles focusing in class. Karma's a bitch. * This troper has a few. ** In high school (20years ago now), in junior year English class we had a group assignment. The hot red head with a gold sliver in her otherwise green eyes ended up sitting across from me, in a short skirt. I was looking down writing something looked up and saw, well they were white with red flowers on them. Cue me trying to avoid looking at her the rest of the day. ** In college, walking back from the dining hall with my male friend. Suddenly, we both just changed our gait and stance. We stopped looked around and noticed two hotties checking us out. Subliminaly distracted. ** More recently, I was working on a SAS program at my desk with headphones on. The short hot blond with {{MostCommonSuperpower}} knocks on my cubie. I turn and see {{SweaterGirl}}. She starts talking about something. {{MaleGaze}} tracks up thinking "Look at her face" and i notice her bra strap cutting into her shoulder and think she really should get a better fitting bra. Completely forgot everything she said as she also has nice blue eyes. * This troper once went to watch a play, where the attractive male lead had his shirt half-open. This resulted in most females(And probably a few males) not having any any idea what the boring first act was about, but damn, that was some chest. * [[GwenStacyWannabe I]] am like this whenever SummerGlau [[EvenTheGirlsWantHer is onscreen]] in anything. Probably why I still can't tell you half of what happened in ''TheSarahConnorChronicles''... * This troper was waiting to get some popcorn yesterday during lunch at school. Just then, possibly the bustiest girl in school comes out to take the till, I was so....... occupied that she had to almost shake me to get my attention, I apologized after receiving my popcorn and left. I consider myself lucky I got away before I got hit, or before something else showed up... * A friend of mine (male) played chess in High School. Every match he made sure his similarly aged and quite attractive stepsister had a seat right by the game board. Cue winning streak. * This troper [=DMs=] for a D&D group with one quite attractive female player, who, on any sort of failed important die roll, finds some

excuse to flash the group, then pretend she'd never made her first roll and try again. I'm not sure if she honestly thinks she's tricking anyone...but considering everyone else in the group, male or female, is into women, everyone's played along quite happily. * This troper has two examples: I was watching Home alone 2 with my family. Sure that sounds okay, except it has Tim Curry in it. I stared at the screen for twenty minutes in absolute stillness. My parents thought something bad had happened to me. The second time, I was sitting next to my tall, Indie, soulful eyed crush in maths. Needless to say, I did not get much work done that lesson. * This troper is asexual to the point of being able to completely ignore pretty much anything sexual--and I do mean anything, including up-close and personal sexy. But on several occasions, when a girl close to six feet tall walks by? Straight into the friggin' wall. * While I was trying to talk to my RA, whom I already had a bit of a crush on, one night about a problem in the building, my train of thought kept getting derailed by the tight top and shorts she was wearing at the time, and the way she was leaning against her door frame. I finally had to stare at the wall ''next'' to the door. Cue me in the hallway afterwards: ---> *''FacePalm''* I am ''such'' a dork. * Oddly specific example from this troper here, but she finds herself constantly distracted by Stein's ShirtlessScene in ''SoulEater''. Usually she's rewatching it to listen to(/read) the dialogue, because she likes to tell herself that she's attracted to his mind. But she tends to lose track of what they're saying entirely, especially when Medusa (this troper likes {{Shipping}}) starts touching his back... * This troper was working on a paper for her College Writing class while skimming the EarWorm trope page. In the music sub forum she clicked a link to the music video for Sorry Sorry by Super Junior, and then promptly forgot about her paper. Just the dancing, oh my God the dancing. ** That would be [[{{MiraShio}} my]] fault. I put that link in there. ^^;; * I deliver propane and went to one house for a delivery. The Lady of the House comes out to see what I'm doing,wearing yoga pants. I tell her I'm here to check the tank, she walks back inside and I walk into a rosebush. * This troper finds it difficult to hold conversations, focus on plotlines, do homework, or very much of anything when watching anything with CillianMurphy in it. Her mother has been known to cut herself off midsentence and go into very embarrassing bouts of squee rivaling anything a teenage fangirl can produce whenever she sees Sean Bean. ** [[{{Popette}} This troper]] also has The CillianMurphy Problem. In ''Batman Begins'', she didn't notice what he said for an entire scene due to his [[BlueEyes pretty]] [[HypnoticEyes eyes]]. ** This troper, on the other hand, has the Sean Bean problem. He comes on the screen, I stop paying attention. * Subverted/inverted by this troper in his PE class, who has had suffering from this trope work to his advantage. This troper had to take a fitness test, one component of which involves sit-ups. Said

troper was also paired with a fairly pretty girl wearing a low-cut shirt who was counting for him. [[AllMenArePerverts For some reason]], this troper was much more quick in doing his sit-ups when he got a sight of bewbs every time he completed one. He got 57 sit-ups in one minute. * This female Troper often gets distracted by the sexy...of anime characters. * It happens to me a lot of the time, but not by skimpy girls...nope, they just gotta look snappy with a suit and glasses is enough for me to lose my train of thought and walk into a lampost. The same even happens in videogame stores when I see copies of Bayonetta on the shelves...so yeah. * This troper has fortunately built up a resistance to this thanks to growing up in a neighborhood with many attractive girls. Being surrounded by hot girls was so commonplace that he doesn't get distracted anymore. * [[SharmHedgehog I]] was once distracted in science by a cute girl [[LettingHerHairDown playing with her hair]] in a manner that seemed like it was begging for attention. Obviously, a lot of people noticed that I was staring, so I quickly looked away with a perfectly straight expression on my face. (I suppose it didn't help that I had a crush on her.) * This troper ran into the guy she's had a ''massive'' crush on for a while (who [[AllLoveIsUnrequited has a girlfriend]], alas) after not seeing him for several weeks. He was all done up for the play he's currently in, and insisted on hugging her several times. When he turned to leave she backed into a wall. * This troper's mother was yelling at her for not paying attention to the conversation while her laptop was on her lap. So she minimized all her windows...except she had a shirtless [[TrueBlood Eric Northman]] as her wallpaper. Cue the maternal rage not sixty seconds later. * RavenGrave is prone to this. Often. But largely just with [[AllLoveIsUnrequited his ex-boyfriend]]. Said ex has, among other things, gorgeous brown eyes, [[AutoErotica a voice that would make tax returns sound sexy and a spine-tingle-inducing laugh]], a face that would launch a thousand ships [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean and an ass that would make them turn around]], a GeekyTurnOn factor that can only be measured in scientific notation, glasses, and the sweetest personality known to humanity. I haven't seen him in over a month, we've barely spoken in over a year, and yet I still get shivers thinking about him. ** We're sort of friends again now. In addition to all that, he's being {{Adorkable}} AND potentially a bit of a flirt. YEVON. DAMMIT. ALL. * This is the reason that this troper did so badly in the bowling class she took a while back. * {{DRCEQ}} saw a cosplayer at Sakura Con 2010 who looked EXACTLY like Lust from FullMetalAlchemist. She had the body, and in particular, the exact same facial features and build... like the character literally came out of the anime. I spotted her when she took an escalator down to the floor I just came from. I almost ended up tripping at the top of the escalator because of it. * This troper has an important part of a group project due and a

concert to perform in tomorrow, as well as some other homework. That hasn't stopped her from spending hours looking at [[http://www.scottmcclure.com/ Scott McClure's website]]. Homework, what homework? * Trying to read something on a website when there's a nearby ad with a really pretty woman (or man, depending on your sexual orientation) staring at you? Good luck. * Oftentimes in school when the person next to me was trying to talk to me (joke/gossip/on-topic question), I'd just be staring across the room to my crush (whether her clothing was particularly sexy or not didn't matter much) and just go "hmh" and "Yeah, guess you're right..." * This troper sits opposite two busty girls in Maths (one sits on my table, one sits on the table behind the first). Oddly, I haven't envoked this trope with these two girls, but with the less busty girls sitting next to both of them. In fairness, I suspect one (or both) of them fancy my best friend, so I don't want to try anything with them, just in case I'm right. Not that I want to be proven right, IfYouKnowWhatIMean. * [[{{VibratingPiggies}} This troper]] can NOT do art (or anything else for that matter) while watching {{The Boondock Saints}}. Norman Reedus with an Irish accent is just too much. Not to mention all the delicious amounts of {{Fanservice}}... * This troper was walking back home after playing basketball. He kept bouncing the ball on the streets while walking, and a gorgeous girl walked by -- the ball flew out of his hands and went rolling downstreet. He could hear Gorgeous Girl giggling when he ran after it... * This troper hangs out at a cafe where occasionally someone he knows will walk in wearing a {{Stripperiffic}} leather outfit along with some out-of-the-ordinary accessories. Considering that he's often working on homework when this happens, this tends to make him go "Dammit!" * Does distracted by the sexy smell count? This troper was distracted from putting stock back for a good 20 minutes, trying to discreetly follow a woman around the store because she smelled THAT damn good. Pretty sure my boss didn't buy the "I thought she'd put a shirt in her purse" excuse. * This is pretty much a mild, but very obvious example. A few years back, this troper was in a play and was sitting around back stage. The guy I had a crush on at the time came right up to me and started talking about something important I needed to do. I started nodding as he talked, practically drooling over his facial features. He then had to say, "Allison, Allison!" and start snapping to get my attention. I blinked. "What?" * This troper would like to thank whoever pointed out [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty9BneMpISo#t=18s this part]] of the ''{{DJMAX}}'' song [[CrowningMusicOfAwesome "Ready Now"]] for preventing him from ever playing the song with a straight face again. * This troper has fond memories from college, especially during Thesis season when he and his team visited this shop to buy a Solar Panel for the team's project. After the deal was made and it was time to leave, one of the team members was busy saying goodbye to the pretty

receptionist that he walked right into a desk with loud clunk. Cue laughter in the whole area. ** Oh and just to add after remembering: when that incident happened, the other members of the team added insult to injury by singing part of a back then well known beer commercial heard on the radio whose theme was also about being DistractedByTheSexy. * This troper subverts this somewhat. He is not affected at all by "sexy" girls or depictions of the previous (to the point where he was looking at a poster for The Lost Symbol looking for a release date and didn't notice that he was standing in front of a lingerie mannequin), but finds that he completely loses track of any train of thought if his crush walks by. * This Troper spends most of his life in the local bookstore, or the coffee shop upstairs. He is frequently distracted by the sexy of the people who work in both, much to the amusement of his friend. * This troper can be distracted by shirtless guys running or jogging. Given that I live in Kansas, with its obscenely hot summers, this happens more often than I'd like. And throw in the fact that I'm usually driving at the time... Well, I'm just lucky that I haven't been in an accident yet. * When this troper was in England with his girlfriend, he found himself getting very...very distracted by his girlfriend simply just being there. Mumbling, stammering sentences...forgetting what he was doing on the keyboard...Ahhh, memories. * Where do I start? Sat next to one of my crushes in freshman year, barely remember anything. A recent field trip: Two hot girls, low-cut tops, and short shorts. Lab partners with the girl of my dreams for half of sophomore year(best six months of my life). ** It doesn't help that Lab Partner Girl is also liked by my twin brother. We both are quite good-looking for our age, have higher-thanaverage intelligence, and are athletic. Oh yeah, and we're working on a webcomic together. The battle will be indeed epic. * There was a girl in my school who was a walking version of DistractedByTheSexy. She was one of those people who doesn't just have looks, but this entire presence about them. She caused a several student collision in the hallway once while getting a drink from the water fountain. My friend, walking in front of me, stopped to look, while I turned to look without stopping. Cue pileup. She also worked as a teacher's aid. During chorus one day, she was behind the teacher filing sheet music. Getting up on her tip toes, and bending down, and all while wearing jean shorts. We were... not exactly paying attention to the conducting. * [[{{Latia}} This Troper]] recently watched her former-friend-turnedenemy overtaken by this trope. As he was sitting with a group of friends (me sitting a ways behind), a fairly cute girl walked by. I [[{{StupidSexyFlanders}} watched her a bit,]] and then looked at him. He stared at her in the most obvious way possible, said 'woah', shook his head, and then said 'what was I talking about again?' None of his friends noticed, but I did, and had a good laugh. I had no idea how prevalent this Trope was in RealLife * This just in: This troper overheard a conversation in the office elevator from two coworkers who witnessed a DistractedByTheSexy

incident involving a male front line worker. That morning he was greeting eveyone coming in with a simple "Good Morning" while typing on his computer. Then suddenly this really sexy lady (said to be of HugeSchoolgirl proportions, and clad in a [[FetishFuel tubetop and micromini skirt]]) walked in. The said guy had a very different greeting for her (to get an idea of how it happened, he was busy typing on his computer, then merely sensed her presence and started greeting her before looking up and actually seeing who it was): -->"''Good [=MorNIIIIIIIIIIING=]!!!''" * More recently, this troper began suffering it himself while frequenting a video arcade center. Nowadays many female patrons to these arcades are at least pretty girls, often with [[FanService rather eye-catching outfits]] (and admittedly, this troper considers any sleeveless outfit as FetishFuel), ranging from cute {{Bishoujo}} types to [[HotMom Hot Moms]], with a least half of them being [[GamerChick Gamer Chicks]]. Cue a few mishaps while playing his favorite game (WanganMidnight Maximum Tune) after any one of those girls passes by or is sighted (example, he's in a race, he sees a sillouette of a rather curvacious girl on screen, he looks behind to see who it is... CRASH!). One instance can even be considered a case of ''Distracted by the sexy voice'' when one such girl [[NoIndoorVoice yelled an obscenity]] when she was playing the same aforementioned game herself in an adjacent cabinet. * A friend of mine showed up a little late for class one morning, and looked a little harried, so I asked what had happened. She replied that she had almost crashed her car driving to Uni because she'd seen this really hot girl, and hence she wasn't watching where she was going and accidentally drove up on the median strip. This is why she's my life's PluckyComicRelief. * This troper also enjoys being the sexy, especially as she doesn't usually take great pains with makeup and hair whilst at school. It's fun to remind people that she is infact, female...and not horrible looking. * This troper might have learned more in high school Chemistry and Physics had her teacher not been ''brilliant'', young, and a former ''underwear model''. No joke. He had this habit of wearing button-down shirts with the sleeves half rolled up, and then lecturing while leaning against a table, bracing his arms so one could see those gorgeous muscles . . . it didn't help that he was also the most awesome sort of [[NerdsAreSexy nerd]]. * This troper damn near crashed his car watching a well-endowed woman run across the street TOPLESS. * Luckily not doing anything important, but while preparing for another speech round during national qualifiers, one teammate of this troper changed out of her suit top (already super-hot) and for some time was in nothing but a "wife-beater" type undershirt. She was very well endowed. This troper cannot remember anything that happened anywhere near the time period of that tournament except for that image. * [[ThisTroper Scottv2]] has this happen to him pretty much only when he's not in a relationship, but when he's not it happens often. He has been known to trail off to case up some nice rear end action.

Basically a typical case of a hot-blooded male. * This (straight, male) Troper plays this straight VERY often (and my friends ''always'' call me out on it, BTW -- the phrase "I know what ''you'' were looking at!" is thrown around a lot), but also provides a bizzare inversion. In my sophomore Algebra II class in high school, for the first semester I sat behind a very hot girl who had a tendency to wear thongs. Naturally, this troper would frequently find himself focusing on not-the-day's-math-lesson. For the second semester, this troper sat behind an enormous and generally unpleasant male classmate -- and did consistenly ''worse'' in the class! No idea how that happened.... * This gay troper has zoned out of many a conversation when a cute girl came into view. She remembers eating ice cream with a friend by the beach when an amazingly CuteClumsyGirl in a bikini and a mini skirt stumbled by us. Oh man, I didn't hear ANYTHING my friend was saying. * This troper will occasionally, when his boyfriend is getting into a fan-rant, grab him and kiss him passionately. Never fails to break his concentration. ** Whoa. That's...really hot. Go you. * This is the REAL reason behind TVTropesWillRuinYourLife. This site is one sexy beast! * When this troper and his friend were engaged in a staring contest, his female friend gently squeezed her boobs together, and he broke eye contact, mouth agape. Everyone pointed out that I hadn't glanced, adding to my ambiguous sexuality. * This (bisexual) troper recently watched the [[TheGuild Date My Avatar]] video with a friend and was staring at FeliciaDay the entire time. ** It happened again, but this Time with {{Glee}}: --> Me (thinking): Sorry, Kurt, did you say something? I was too busy admiring how hot Santana looked in that red prom dress. ** Seriously, the second time I saw it I was talking to my parents, and I had to struggle not to stop mid-sentence. * Twice. Girl at school= a me into a wall. Second, sister is asking me question. Picture on tvtropes "Uh um, I don't... OH! I know! [[{{The Nostalgia Critic}} Elephant]]!!!" * This Troper sometimes has trouble sympathising with a protagonist in a movie when the antagonist is played by someone sexy. Even when the bad guy does something bad, it might not be so squicky to her as if another person did it. [[spoiler:Oh AlanRickman...]] * This tropette's speech teacher told us a story like this. His world history class (which he didn't enjoy very much) was in a big lecture hall with very comfortable chairs and low lighting, and his seat was all the way in the back row. At 8 am, this pretty much seems like an invitation to take a nice nap. He said the only thing that kept him awake was the woman who sat next to him who fancied mini skirts :) * Slightly inverted by this (bisexual, female) troper, who will turn to look very unsubtly at anyone who walks by who she finds attractive but continue to talk most of the time. Made funnier by the fact that no one knows I'm bi. Accidentally did this when one of my friends was adjusting her shirt too, even though I don't think of her that way at

all... it's a reflex! Me and one of my friend have also completely cut off conversations to stare at very attractive older boy at our school. * Happened to this (straight male in college) troper a while back when he ran into his female friend who was coming from class. She's a huge nerd, as am I, and she wanted to show me her real-life Pokedex/calculator that she thought was really cool. I would have thought it was really cool, too, if it wasn't for the fact that she's incredibly hot, and her amazing boobs looked extremely squeese-alicious in her skin-tight jogging top. I'm usually good at maintaining an eye-level conversation with my girl friends despite fanservice. But it was REALLY [[IncrediblyLamePun hard]] this time... * Female friend of This Troper plays a little game with him. Whenever they are arguing, she tries to end the argument with her either sitting on This Tropers lap, smiling seductively, or moving her leg up This Tropers...uhm...I'll be in my room. * This Gay male troper has straight (hot) male friends who understand this trope and abuse it... constantly. * High school, grade 12. Young Man Whose Locker is Next To Troper's: "You seem to forget your combination an awful lot." Troper: "Huh? I do? Um, yes. I do." * Played straight with this troper, who gets extremely distracted whenever someone [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ShowSomeLeg shows some leg]] * This is the reason this troper had difficulties in grammar school. Just about every girl in his class was above average in looks... * This tropette has a tendency to not realize someone's talking to her when there's an attractive male present. He doesn't even have to actually ''be'' there. I've done it with ''[[HowlsMovingCastle anime]]'', for corn's sake. * This gay female troper has been known to run into anything or find anything in the area to trip over when she's checking out another girl. And it happens. Often. I have scars. * This troper was walking across campus, got distracted by a trafficstoppingly attractive girl...and walked straight into a post that was the perfect height for a [[GroinAttack Heywood Banks set piece.]] Thereby proving the maxim that the more humiliating the fail, the more people will be around to see it, since there had to have been 50 people who saw...and laughed, applauded, and/or made wisecracks. * Once walked in front of a car because I was checking someone out. Said car slammed on the breaks, thankfully. * Doesn't happen very often to this Troper, But one time the Hands down hottest girl in our school started to talk to me after class. So shocked I looked down, which was right down her shirt. I was distracted enough to run straight in the door knocking me flat on my back. Then when she leaned over to check on my I just said"I was distracted by the sexy" in a distracted voice * This Male Troper's once lesbian friend was waiting for me to get my shake at the coffee shop. As she put it Latino Heat enters the mall and asks her directions for the Health Food store. First time I ever seen her so flustered in her life and the next week she has a boyfriend and eventually married the guy.

* Once I lost a pool game..because the bar had the Victoria's Secret Runway show playing on the TV. * This troper cannot take the pivotal, most dramatic scene in ''{{Equilibrium}}'' seriously, because of Christian Bale's huge arms and sweaty/oiled abs. The main character feels emotion for the first time and it's supposed to be poignant and beautiful, but [[PerverseSexualLust that certainly wasn't the emotion I was feeling]]. * This troper got into his first wreck this way * Happens to this Troper every day because of one girl he goes to school with. The fact that she has an [[BabyGotBack amazing ass]] seems to be the reason. I'm also distracted by her Moe[[BuffySpeak ishness]] a lot too. * This troper had one last night. I was on my phone to my best friend and looking at pictures on my computer at the same time. I was in the middle of a sentence and I saw a certain picture and I said, after going quiet for a few minutes, "Sorry, what was I saying?" My friend had to ask me exactly what I was doing to get distracted. I did tell her though and when she came over, I showed her the picture I was distracted by. She also got distracted. * This troper's college roommate has a built-in "Shirtless Guy Radar." Every time she sees a guy not wearing a shirt, she has to go "shirtless guy"! Considering she went to an all-girls Catholic high school, this is both not unusual and really funny. Furthermore, some of the guys she points out have invoked this trope on this troper, to the point where she nearly ran into a curb due to her friend yelling "shirtless guy!" which caused her to look. * This troper- who usually wears very covering clothing, but is very much in possession of the MostCommonSuperPower - likes to invoke this occasionally by pulling her t- shirt collar down juuuust a bit and yelling "Look, boobies!" to whoever she wants distracted. Of course, this also annoys her greatly when she accidentally wears a low cut shirt and notices a few of her male friends' lack of eye contact. * [[@/{{Pastylover2}} This troper]] ''crashed his wheelchair'' into a wall ''and bent his toe back'' due to looking at a girl. * This troper has been known to run into walls/doors/people when too deep in thought about a certain classmate's legs in a chearleader uniform. * I had a math teacher that was, in my opinion, really hot, so naturally there were times where I just kind of... eh... oh, sorry, what was that about factorials? Yeah, I failed a test because of this. * This troper was driving to the supermarket on a very busy day - lots of traffic and people making the drive slow - then in front of him walking the same direction was a young lady wearing short, tight cutoff jeans. He suddenly was in no hurry and just idled along, enjoying the view...then looked over to see a cart wrangler, a young guy, looking at him laughing and laughing. The troper grinned and shrugged; the kid certainly understood... * this troper, at one of her first anime conventions, noticed a VERY good Yoko Kurama cosplayer in the distance. this troper never got near enough to get a good picture of him because of the combination of the fangirl crowd following him and the chaos from all the Distracted By

The Sexy he caused, both to those in the fangirl crowd following him and random congoers. this troper just barely avoided a Distracted By The Sexy accident the first time she noticed him and almost gave herself a case of whiplash shooting her head around to get a better look as he sped past trying to distance himself from the fangirl horde behind him. * This Troper was playing through the Diva's stages in ''{{Elite Beat Agents}}'' for the first time, and came to the "Rock This Town" stage. During a gap in hit/beat markers, she ended up seeing some of the Diva's dancing for the first time... which consisting of them shaking their rears. Due to a combination of [[DistractedByTheSexy this trope]] and a "What the-?" reaction, she ended up failing the stage due to not seeing the hit/beat markers reappear and consequently missing them. * Living with my girlfriend proved to offer some disadvantages. It's kind of hard to talk or generally do stuff when she goes around half naked. * This (female) troper's Taekwondo teacher. Seriously, it's a bit hard to focus on your kicks when that guy is walking around. Red hair, sharp eyes, lots of tattoos, mildly sadistic (like most people that teach any kind of physical activity) and on top of that, he tends to take his shirt of after a particularly hard practice (which once caused my friend to almost fall down the stairs.) ** Also, his fianc (who is also a black belt and a teacher), in a bit of a [[StupidSexyFlanders Stupid Sexy Flanders moment.]] Also red haired, and yes. Gorgeous. ** Also caused destraction for the entire class during the last belt test. My friend noticed that she had a love-bite on her neck. Fridgesomething ensues when you realize the person responseble is sitting next to her... * This Troper suffers from this from a certain girl in his year. Though most of the year, she wears her hair in a tight bun. However, on the few occasions she lets it down, Barry White might as well be playing in my ear, as my self awareness becomes next to zero. * I find it hard to go wtf about the lyrics to [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTGlUMvbhSw&feature=related this song.]] * This (D-Cup) Troper was jogging last Sunday, when one of her neighbors was driving by. Because he was was [[{{Gainaxing}} turned halfway out of his car]], he crashed into his own (brick/steel) mailbox (one of those mailboxes that looks like a small tomb) and destroyed the front of his vehicle... I still feel incredibly guilty. >_<;; * Could actually double as a crowning moment of heartwarming for how this turned out, but this troper when on a 1st date with a stunning girl took her to a beach side pier and was so distracted by her that I didn't see the steps...or the trash can at the bottom. Still together after 4 years. * [[AvertedTrope Surprisingly averted]] with this troper. Despite being [[BiTheWay bi]], and ''constantly'' ogling people do to his '''''very''''' [[DepravedBisexual wide standards]] [[hottip:* :He basically finds any male or female with a good face attractive, as

long as they are between the ages of 16 and 70, and not anorexic thin or over 450 pounds or so]], he's only had close calls with this trope. There have been numerous times where he's almost ran into a pole or tripped on the sidewalk or whatnot, but his good instincts have ultimately always saved him. [[TemptingFate At this rate, I bet it will never happen to me.]] ** Wouldn't that belong in {{Not Distracted By The Sexy}}? * This troper has many epiriences with this: * Most embaracing was watching Iron Man 2. During the scene when Robert Downey Jr.(Tony Stark) meets up with Samuel L. Jackson(Colonel Nick Fury), Scarlett Johanson(Black Widow) shows up in her spandex suit. Needles to say, he shouted with a "Whoo" automatically without even thinking about it. The embaressment followed with a comfort from a woman saying "it's okay, i don't blame you!" * This Troper often meets 2-3 female friends for coffee, drinks or food and one of them he likes. He was so distracted by this sexy woman that he has missed class and almost missed a final exam just because he did not want to leave. * Troper is around women more often so it becomes a daily habbit. Thank God for peripheral vision * This troper frequently gets distracted by bodacious/curvaceous/voluptuous women while working out at the local gym. * This troper was in a bookstore reading a manga on the floor, when a really hot woman wearing very formfitting see-through white pants bent over in the bookshelf directly in front of me. It was really hard concentrating on FMA after that, but when I realized she wasn't wearing any panties and I could see her ass-crack I fell over. * [[Tropers/{{Abracadavre}} This hapless troper]], so, ''so'' much. * ''[[{{Vocaloid}} Project DIVA 2nd]]''. Playing as Len. The PV for the song "World is Mine". '''DatAss.''' [[http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=5119544 Here's]] ''{{Chibi Miku-san}}''[='=]s take on it. ---Go back to DistractedByTheSexy while I'm dressed in a skimpy swimsuit. * [stares]...uh, what? I, uh--[slams into wall beside exit] *''Bonk!''* ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DitzyGenius * Might as well start this page off: I'm reasonably intelligent academically (and have such a good knowledge of the World Wars that I managed, in a footnote for an essay on war poetry, to write practically an essay on how we changed prior to the Second World War because of the First World War: bear in mind that I do not study history and actually found it boring when I was taught it), but my knowledge of everyday life is...[[{{Understatement}} poor]], to the extent that I [[TooDumbToLive tried to turn meat on metal skewers over

with my bare hands while BBQing them.]] [[CaptainObvious It hurt.]] * The guy this tropette sits next to in math. He seems quite smart and gets good grades, but, well, here's a conversation I had with him last week: -> '''Guy:''' Hey, where'd Vinay go? -> '''Tropette:''' To the library. -> '''Guy:''' Why? -> {{Beat}} * [[{{Tropers/Kuzlalala}} This troper]] was actually ''diagnosed'' as a DitzyGenius. Well, the psychologist didn't actually said that this troper's a "DitzyGenius", but she said that this troper gets easily distracted despite that this troper is actually smart. * This is one of the two tropes that most accurately describe me. * This is me to a "T." ...Wait, why is it a "T?" Why not a "Q" or a "K" or a...? ** By the way, this troper is also a GenkiGirl, a Tsundere, a CloudCuckoolander, a DeadpanSnarker, a ShrinkingViolet, and the list goes on and on... Hmmm, it really varies [[MoodSwinger depending on my mood]]... * This troper is perfectly this. Gets all A's with minimal effort, still can't remember to grab a towel before he takes a shower. ** I literally checked the histories to see if I was sleep-editing TVTropes again. Huh. * [[DialgaX This Troper]] is considered quite intelligent but has done or said some ''very'' stupid shit before. * [[{{Tropers/Catstorm}} This tropette]] has serious problems with this. She's very learned, but she has gotten into a lot of common sense trouble. Often these have to do with "compromises" when she tries to find the best way to solve some perplexing problem. * This troper is very smart. This troper also doesn't get many societal norms, so she does things like sleeping in her clothes and hanging out in dark corners and singing random songs she isn't listening to. It annoys others a lot. * Seems to be me... I do very well in school, and I don't have (much) trouble with common sense but oh my god do I ask stupid questions sometimes. The funny thing is the facial expressions of my friends don't really change whether I'm explaining something really tough or asking something incredibly ditzy (which I usually realise when people point it out later). It's just kind of, "Let's nod along and wait til she returns to an understandable level of intelligence." * This troper has [[ApatheticTeacher taught some of his classmates in his psychology class.]] But this troper had no idea what a skillet was. Nor did he (this was the first and last time I got to burn the trash) remember [[TooDumbToLive that lighting matches, and tossing them on the grass would set the lawn on fire.]] ------------Head back to DitzyGenius. And don't forget your pants when you're heading out to your colloquium!

DoctorWhoS12E2TheArkInSpace

* This is the first Dr Who episode I ever saw -- found it when I was flipping through channels as a kid when I was home from school with a high fever. Watching this as a kid with a high fever with no prior experience with the show...yeah, that messed with my head a bit.

DodgeThis * During a game of dodgeball no less, This Troper was having a conversation with a partner and quoted the "dodge a wrench" line from ''Dodgeball''. A classmate on the other team heard and yelled "Dodge THIS!" This troper proceeded to. *One of my classmates in gym tried and failed to use this. The conversation went something like --> '''Me:''' Yeah, I'm not very good at basketball. I've only ever made approximately 30 baskets in my whole dang life. --> '''Classmate:''' Approximately THIS!(throws ball) ** It wasn't as funny as it sounds when written. It was kind of pathetic really. As far as I can tell, he had never heard or didn't know the word "approximate" or something(of course, this was middle school, I was absurdly [[BigWords smart]] then, and my school was quite honestly full of [[SurroundedByIdiots idiots]] (even in the honors classes). And he thought somehow it was a challenge. Also, I seem to recall that he actually [[EpicFail missed the basket.]] * This troper and her sister were working on two shorts, one of which was a Matrix parody, at film camp. While filming the ''other, unrelated'' short, said sister (playing as the waitress behind the bar) got extremely annoyed at one of the kids for continually quoting this line. The final straw came when the kid pretended to take a pair of guns (really just his fingers) from his pocket and hold up the bar. "Dodge this!" he said. My sister rolled her eyes, grabbed the bouquet of prop flowers on the counter, said, "Dodge ''this''.", and whapped him over the head. He shut up after that. * [[http://www.majhost.com/gallery/brixarstudios/Randomstuff/wow....png This]]. As I understand it, the person of the receiving end of this trope had been spamming, so the action was justified. ---Return to [[DodgeThis THIS!]] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DodongoDislikesSmoke * [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Tropers/Andygal This troper]] was playing InNomine, the scene was a bunch of angels beating up a Shedite celestially, one of the [=PCs=] had used toe Scabbard attunement to store a grenade and decided to pull it out and throw it into one of the demon's gaping maws, cue Divine Intervention and the demon being reduced to slimy celestial chunky salsa. Also cue MontyPython jokes.

DoesNotKnowHisOwnStrength * One time at work, this eager young employee with not too much experience under his belt tried to open a freezer. The problem was, the freezer has a sealing system that doesn't allow it to open if it's above a certain temperature. Not knowing this, he tugged a bit too hard, effectively unhinging the freezer door. It was alright, because he was able to pop it back in easily, and looked like a total macho man in front of his smoking-hot assistant manager. * Recently, [[CathodeRayTube I]] seem to have this problem. My friends have been keeping a running tally of things I break DAILY, and are surprised when I go a full day without at least one incident. Usually, they get a couple by the time I walk into school. I kind of DO know that I'm strong, since I carry heavy things and then hand them to someone and they have to split the load with someone so they don't drop it from the weight. But it's getting ridiculous. I use bottles with the pull-out lid stopper things, and I lost count of the bottles I've ruined by opening it with my teeth and pulling the stopper completely out of the bottle. Also, I tried to open my closet and ripped the door off...then sheepishly propped it up where the door should've been and hoped nobody noticed. Finally, we had to cut down a good-sized tree that was in the yard, and I dragged half of it 1.5 acres to dump it in the wood pile. To put all that in perspective, I'm 17, 5'5", fairly skinny, and female. ** Are you sure that you aren't Buffy the Vampire Slayer? * I just lent on a towel rail, and it's screws came out of the wall. This morning a pulled a window out by lifting it up, with one hand. I'm fourteen and a geek. But, in truth, I have frequently helped my parents out with their furniture-removal buisness, ever since I was about 9. Between me and my mum , we can carry washing machines. They're HEAVY.

DoesNotKnowHowToSayThanks * I have this problem, which is really, ''really'' awkward. The thing is, I don't think other people notice how stupid I sound when I thank them for things, but ''I'' notice, and they notice that that I feel awkward immediately afterwards... or something, it's quite hard to explain. * Person I don't want to see again, NEVER EVER said thank you the year he wasted in my life. Just could not do it. would not do it, if you asked him to do it he would've ignored you and said Dont' Care. * This troper met a young homeless man in a certain Southeast Asian country, and decided to give him a helping hand. I ultimately failed in this task, but that's another story. Despite having an amazingly good understanding of English, the young man never said thank you without first being prompted. I believe this is because he had never had anyone to be thankful toward, so had never gotten into the habit. ---You visited this page, so... th... ... go back to {{Does Not Know How To Say Thanks}}.

DoesNotLikeShoes * This troper hates shoes, mostly because of his habit to walk on his toes like a cat. The only time shoes are worn are when in school and if there's unshoveled snow on the walk, and even then it's only a pair of light sandals. * This Troper only wears shoes when he has to and almost NEVER wears socks. I hate both. * This troper's mathematics lecturer. Wandered around campus without shoes. Apparently last year's class gave him a pair at the end of the year, but he never wears them. ** His name wouldn't happen to be Narwin, would it? * ThisTroper flatly refuses to wear shoes unless she is required to and/or would be unsafe without them (working with horses, for example). Shoes are eeeevil. ** For the past year, this Troper, living in Michigan, has not been wearing shoes, except where explicitly required to do so. Well, except for a few days in January when the temperature dropped to about -10 Celsius, at which point flip-flops were worn. *** Agreed. Socks are fine, shoes are ew. **** This troper hates socks almost more than shoes. Flip-flops aren't horrible, but given the choice, she'd go barefoot most any day. * Don't know if it's related, but this troper hates replacing his sneakers because of how difficult it is to find some that fit well. Because of this, my shoes have a tendency to be, well, not exactly in one piece by the time I do replace 'em. ** This troper has worn the same sneakers to gym class for nearly three years. She has new ones, but they don't FEEL right. ** This troper has trouble finding shoes that are flat enough for her taste (no back problems; just hates heels). Her favorite are jikatabi, which is like going barefoot without having to wash your feet off every time you come inside. The split toe also gets interesting complements. *** This troper hates having cold feet, and lives in a cold area, but one of my favorite parts of spring and summer is being able to wander around barefoot. The feeling of warm soft ground under your feet moves any day up a few points on [[SlidingScaleLongName a certain sliding scale]]. * Around the house, I almost never wear shoes. Even during the cold winter (no carpet). It just seems inconvenient. ** Same here. I like sneakers and slippers that have backs and I wear them when it's cold. In warmer weather, the shoes are discard for being inconvenient (I like to fold my legs under me), too hot and just plain wrong. * I swear, there's just something absolutely heavenly about talking a barefoot walk in the spring. Try it sometime. The great thing is that people don't seem to notice I'm barefoot, and even if they do, they don't comment. * This troper also does not like shoes. Socks are usually fine, especially since they allow sliding along slippery tiles, as well as keeping one's feet warm when it's freaking cold, but shoes... no. This

troper only wears shoes when this troper absolutely needs to wear shoes, and even then, this troper will try to find a way out of needing to wear the shoes. Blood blisters have been a result numerous times, and yet the shoes remain disliked... * This troper almost never wears shoes or socks indoors, as they infringe on her vital [[EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys monkey feet]] abilities. * Though this troper seldom goes entirely barefoot, she never wears closed shoes except on formal occasions or in deep snow. Sandals let the feet ''breathe'' -- and, in wet weather, allow them to dry naturally instead of being trapped inside damp socks. ** I'll second that sentiment, though I will wear shoes in colder weather (mostly because I feel silly wearing socks and sandals) but given the option, open footwear like sandals are far more preferable. And where I live, barefoot in summer isn't really practical since the concrete gets sole schorchingly hot. *** Pun intended? * @/{{Miso}} is usually barefoot at home, or is wearing slippers. During the summer she always wears sandals, but when it starts to get colder it's straight back to her trusty combat boots. She doesn't really remember the last time she wore tennis shoes. * @/{{J-H}} Would probably wear shoes until they fall apart. Usually during the winter, I like wearing boots and the occasional shoes. During the summer, it's sandals, unless I'm biking. Just don't try getting me to go shoe shopping, I'll be completely unhelpful. * [[@/MajorTom This Troper]] absolutely refuses to wear shoes if I don't need to. Which has led to a rather amusing demarcation where the top part of my feet are like other parts of my skin and the bottom has the consistency of light leather. Socks are also shunned upon unless it gets cold. * This troper has a friend at her college who will only wear shoes if absolutely necessary and will walk across campus in freezing rain or even snow barefoot rather than put on a pair of shoes. * Inverted with this troper who hates to go barefoot due to the misfortune of always stepping on something sharp or gooey when barefoot. * This Troper will not wear shoes (Or socks) unless absolutely necessary. This has lead to going entire seasons without wearing either. * This troper is constantly barefoot, to the point where the soles of her feet are black for most of the year. In college, she went barefoot to most of her classes, and doesn't remember anyone ever complaining about it. * This Troper's charismatic programming lecturer is rarely seen with shoes on. It's rumoured he only dons them once a year: graduation. * [[@/FuzzyBoots This troper]] believes that rampant wearing of shoes is the cause of most foot ailments and regularly goes barefoot. He has been known to argue with people who insist that driving barefoot is illegal (it isn't in any state of the USA unless specifically made illegal on the city or county level) or try to cite the generic "Health Dept" for why shoes must be worn in a given building (no such federal entity does not exist and he's yet to find a state who has a

health department that has issued a decree on shoes within buildings). * [[@/JET73L This Troper]] will wear shoes in public venues, but ''always'' makes sure to check in any private domicile if bare feet are acceptable, ditching the shoes at the door. The shoes stay where they are when walking outside except when planning to do yard work which could be dangerous or disgusting otherwise [such as with horses], and even walks through snow and slush to get the mail across the street barefoot, if not returning from some place that shoes are required (whether they stay on in the car or not is a matter of available space). When shoes are worn, they are loose, thin canvas high tops, with ''no'' socks (which actually helps in the winter, when socks just wick up any meltwater that gets in over the top of the sole lining and the feet can withstand far lower temperatures than any other part of the body, thanks to usually having between a thin leathery layer or thick, practically leather armor firmness of sole skin as well as what seems to be [[YakitateJapan Solar Gauntlet boots]]. At times when said troper walked more and had worse shoes, thumbtacks have not gotten through beyond the very tip). * This troper has no serious problem with shoes, heck, I'll forget to remove them and end up in them all day. I '''do''', however, have a problem with socks, and will only ever wear them when absolutely necessary (Formal occasions, sometimes for safety.) * I spent most of my childhood barefoot so now, while most of my friends wince at the idea, I have no problem walking the three miles to my house after my shoes have been stolen while bowling. I'm not so fond of just running around barefoot any more, but I do prefer to go shoeless when it's appropriate (or not so condemnable). * This Russian troper, who himself feels a bit naked without socks, not to speak about shoes, has a friend who just likes going barefoot. She doesn't hike barefoot, but going barefoot around the camp is surely a yes for her. It's not so strange when it happens during Karelian summer, but seeing her sitting barefoot by the campfire in the middle of the forest on January 2nd (with all that snow around) was a bit unnerving. She claimed that fire warms her feet better that way, and this troper didn't care to check. (And in case you wonder where Karelia is, it's bordering Finland) * [[@/{{Divra}} This troper]] had disproportionately wide feet as a child, and would often prefer to go barefoot, as any shoes he could actually wear were intensely uncomfortable. Now, his feet have more normal proportions, but he still likes the feeling of dewy grass, warm asphalt, and gritty paving brick under his feet and starts walking barefoot as soon as the weather allows. He never walks barefoot in city centres, after a rather nasty glass-shard-related accident, though. * [[@/KissofCamine This troper]] spent many summer days running barefoot as a child and even today won't put on her shoes unless she's going to be in a public place or is walking for quite a ways. * This troper only wears shoes when necessary. Once I got out of elementary school where sneakers were mandatory she switched to wearing sandals on almost all occasions shoes were required. It's gotten to the point where now that I've started cosplaying that wearing sneakers tires me out quickly (apparently you use your muscles

differently wearing sneakers. Who knew?) I also have a rather unfortunate tendency to have my shoes break in the middle of the school day (mostly flip-flops, but a pair of boots once ._o) I tend to be rather "Yeah what's your issue? ._.; at the subsequent teasing from fellow students and "How will you get home"s from teachers. I walk my dog 5 miles most nights while in bare feet. I can handle half a block from the bus stop to my house... * This troper noticed during her brother's choir show that many of the performers (the female ones in particular) were barefoot on stage. This troper just graduated from high school, btw. * Whenever she gets the chance, this troper won't bother with shoes. Her feet are always cold, so warm pavement or grass feel awesome to walk on. Yay summer!! * This Troper has encountered a conundrum in her war against shoes. If she doesn't wear them, she is not allowed in her favorite candy store. Suggestions? ** Sandals. Lightweight ones that you can stick in a bag. ** Also, there's what's called [[http://www.jewelsbymichele.com/ barefoot sandals]], or pieces of jewelry that look like fancy flipflop straps. Unless someone starts staring at your feet, they may not notice that the strap isn't connected to a sole. Alternatively, you may like ''jikatabi'', as they're technically shoes but much thinner on bottom. ** [[http://www.vibramfivefingers.it/ Vibram FiveFingers]]. * Tropers/FarseerLolotea joins the list of people who only wear shoes if doing otherwise would be dangerous or cause others to complain. And even then, it's usually sandals. * This troper loves to either wear heavy combat boots or go barefoot-anything in between just doesn't feel right. * This troper greatly prefers being barefoot to wearing shoes, even if walking on something painful like gravel. * [[Tropers/SunnyV I]] am barefoot at least 70% of the time (I'm home a lot) and prefer flip-flops for outside. My dog likes to take off sometimes, though, and I'm usually the one who gets him back, even if it means risking poison ivy and thorns on my bare feet. (Or, depending on the season, snow.) * While this troper loves high heels, she will gladly take them off right there and then if they start hurting. She's got pretty used to walking on cold pavements at night. At home, she's barefoot and she really does not like wearing trainers. * During summer courses at a university I resolved to go barefoot for the entire summer, including to lectures, discussions, and meals. Success was to be had for several weeks, until I came to the following realization: "Someone who previously sat at this lunch table [[{{Squick}} spilled Jello]]. * After spending a night crossing streets, walking through rocky hills, and wading through a muddy trench filled with thorns and sharp roots, this tropette decided that shoes are NOT a necessity, but merely a suggestion. ** Besides, one time at a formal event, I started off in heels, shirt tucked in, and wearing a blazer. By that afternoon, I was barefoot, my shirt wast untucked, and the blazer was gone.

* A friend of mine forgoes shoes so often that she's developed "Hobbit feet." * Beside his conviction that shoe overuse is the cause of most foot ailments, [[Tropers/AnthonyAlexander this troper]] has size 16 feet, and lives in a neighborhood with unpaved roads. His shoes are too expensive and hard-to-get to wear out on anything but formal occasions. * [[{{Tropers/Luna87}} This troper]], being the [[{{Tomboy}} tomboyish]] [[GranolaGirl hippie chick]] that she is, would not wear shoes if it wasn't required (though this may partly be because it's nearly impossible to find nice ones in my size: 10W). I even walk my dogs barefoot sometimes. * This troper has always hated wearing shoes. Thanks to having what amount to size fourteen hobbit feet, and living in the state of Florida, I rarely need to. * This troper prefers going barefoot, mostly around the home. But for convenience and out of laziness really. Say I come home from a long day and have to leave in a few hours, I'd rather leave shoes on. * Before my parents officially grounded me from it, this troper would take her shoes off and go barefoot around her school, picking up the nickname 'hippy'. I refuse socks and shoes, but now I have to wear sneakers every day. They feel so weird and-and-''ew''. Also, why are there examples that don't take their shoes off when they go in the house...? I've never heard of that before... * This troper never, EVER, wears socks. I wear some old leather loafers when I must wear shoes, but I also never wear anything but full length pants, so you can't tell I'm wearing them without socks. * [[{{Tropers/endlessness}} This troper]] has EXTREMELY sweaty feet, so he hates any situation where he has to wear socks and shoes. * This troper doesn't wear socks on most occasions. It's easier to get in and out of, feels better, and no need to worry. I do wear socks when going shoe shopping or bowling for reasons that should be obvious. Strangely, I have no callouses or blisters. No-one's really noticed, probably because most people don't really check that sort of thing :P * This troper always walked around barefoot because she loves the feel of the earth under her toes. Then she got athlete's foot. Now she hates shoes threefold. * This troper is more comfortable in socks and shoes than bare feet, and only goes barefoot when the situation calls for it (swimming, showering, sleeping). He's also noticed that there seem to be more women than men who do not like shoes. [[FetishFuel This is in no way a complaint]]. * This troper doesn't hate shoes per se, but just sees them as tools. Similar to the way one views a screwdriver or hammer. He is from Beaverton, OR (hometown of Nike he can almost see the world headquarters from on top of his house) has friends that work for Nike, a relative who was a high-ranking executive for Nike, and a stubbornmule Dad who swears on his Nikes. Imagine the heat that went down when said Dad took troper to get new shoes and troper just said "Whatever. They fit, let's go." "How can you be in the right mind and not get excited about new Nikes?" "Dad they're a tool. It's like getting

excited about buying motor oil." (Wrong answer). I think he has such a strong connection to Nike because of all they have done for Beaverton in terms of economics. * This troper also dislikes shoes, and refuses to wear them whenever possible, the exceptions being: running shoes for exercising since they help with spine/knees/ankles/etc, and shoes when it's necessary to wear them such as in snow. She wears flip-flops constantly (even in winter) and has worn them in rainstorms and hail. * This troper refuses to wear shoes unless absolutely necessary, even if it means going out barefoot in the snow to check on the mail. Apparently this dates back well before her memory, as her mother has said that, even as a baby, this troper would intentionally lose/hide/take off shoes unless they were tied tightly onto her feet. It also runs in the family, with her having fond memories of her father going shoeless even when it wasn't socially acceptable, including during recitals, in the store, at his office (where he was a ''doctor''), during PTA meetings, in snow, etc. * This troper kind of has to wear shoes when at school and outside (usually), however he takes his socks off any chance he gets especially when they leave marks, is one of the only people he knows who'd walk barefoot on a solid furface, outside or in the cold, and would wear sandals casually if they didn't leave marks too. He also never wears any footwear indoors other than the aforementioned school. * This Oregonian troper wears sandals ten or eleven months out of the year; it usually takes sub-freezing temperatures and/or snow to get him into closed-toed footwear; even the sandals come off if I even ''think'' I can get away with it, and socks come off even faster. * This troper hates shoes and socks, having been raised in a heavily martial arts background. She only wears loose tennis shoes when out in public to simulate the experience all the time. But at home or in the dorms, off come the shoes asap. * [[{{Tropers/DSFARGEG}} This troper]] avoids wearing shoes where possible, and has developed his feet to be able to run over roads, pavements and rough surfaces without discomfort. I started out just barefooting a little, maybe once a week and usually when walking home from a gig or similar, but have moved to doing it a lot more, and I am now even starting to find shoes a little restrictive and uncomfortable. So far, I haven't encountered any problems, just a few comments/questions, which suits the DeadpanSnarker well for replying. I generally only tend to wear shoes when there is a genuine risk of injury to feet, or if going somewhere where a problem with being barefoot would be honestly problematic (for example, not having any way to carry a pair of shoes with me for if needed). * My band class is this trope. By the end of the class, no one's wearing any shoes except the band director and myself. * [[{{Tropers/Minnakht}} This troper]] doesn't have a problem with wearing shoes, but does not use them when it's warm enough to do so at home. Sadly, his country is not so open to the idea of going places barefoot, and about half of the year is quite cold, so shoes are a necessity. Even more sadly, his parents forbid going around without slippers with socks on. * My friend at the very least likes being barefoot more than shoes and

can be seen without them just about anywhere: at school (for brief periods), outdoors, in [[{{Squick}} dingy pool halls....]] * While [[Tropers/TheNoun this troper]] loves shoes and has way more than she actually wears, this troper's older brother is barefoot pretty much constantly. * This troper will admit it. She absolutely loves being barefoot! She's walked barefoot in school before! She does like shoes, but being barefoot is just so much more fun! * [[Tropers/HikartiFlutist This troper]] would be this, if she wasn't dead clumsy flat-footed (somehow, SOMEHOW I'm more coordinated in 5inch stilettos), but her best friend is this. When she wears shoes, she refuses to wear socks (mainly out of laziness). Around my house I'm barefoot, unless we have guests that aren't my two best friends, i8n which I wear some form of socks, and yes, I do slip and fall on my butt regularly. * This Troper once wore socks indoors. This was considered an OutOfCharacterMoment. * I always wear flip flops as much as possible, unless it's super cold. My mom yells at me for slipping out of them in restaurants and the like. However, recently I, along with my friend, have decided to walk around barefoot as much as possible to build up calluses and generally make us more awesome. It's summer and we live in NYC, so it's probably not the best time to make this resolution but we're doing it anyway. * In my school's drama department, seniors "will" things down to younger members. I was willed "Be Barefoot All The Time" by the senior who never wore socks or shoes. I'd stayed barefoot previous to earning that will, and I'll continue to be barefoot in her honour! * This troper was looking at her old Easter pictures, and there were NONE of them that she was wearing shoes in. Even the ones with snow. * Tropers/{{kicking_k}} has an annoying dilemma: I prefer to be barefoot because my feet are always too hot, but I have no arches to my feet because of ligament problems, so after a while, going barefoot does damage. The first summer after diagnosis was a time of socks, trainers and rigid orthotics, and much complaining. Fortunately Birkenstocks turn out to work, but I still take them off if I'm not walking or standing for long. * I know a girl who hates wearing shoes because she says [[CuteClumsyGirl they make her trip.]] * This Troper could never wear a pair of shoes for longer than 9-10 months without back pain and having to get a new pair, and has truly found salvation in Vibram FiveFingers. Totally not advertising, yo. ----Tie up the laces, hang 'em up on a line and pad your way back to [[DoesNotLikeShoes Does Not Like Shoes]] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DoesNotLikeSpam

* This troper has an undying hatred of milk. ** [[FullmetalAlchemist Not gonna make]] [[Anime.FullmetalAlchemist the obvious joke.]] [[Tropers.ReikoKazama *tries to hold back her laughter as she remembers]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny a particular scene*]] * [[{{Cameoflage}} This troper]] hates black licorice and anything black-licorice-flavored. I have quite a few foods I dislike, but that's the only one I genuinely ''hate'' with no conditions or exceptions. ** [[Tropers.ReikoKazama Same here]]. I'll eat the red stuff, but the black stuff? NoJustNo. [[StockYuck Blech.]] ** [[IronScope Me]], too. I also can't stand fizzy drinks or caramel. [[PickyEater There's probably more]], but I don't want to bore you all with a LongList. *** You... don't like fizzy drinks? So I'm not crazy after all! ** This troper's the same as the OP. I finally got a chance to taste absinthe a few days ago... guess what I'm never drinking again! ** I'm assuming this is a common dislike. Unfortunately, black licorice is also a very common ''like''... which leads to horrible scenarios like "I'm already so sick I feel like puking and you want to feed me a medicine that tastes like ''what''?" (Luckily, although I do dislike black licorice, [=NiQuil=] isn't ''quite'' that bad for me.) * [[MmmKay This troper]] ''HATES'' ARTIFICIAL-BANANA-FLAVORED CANDY ''WITH A '''PASSION!''''' ** Yeurk. [[{{MRL}} This troper]] is forced to agree. It doesn't even taste like banana. *** Indeed. I'll chime in for both me and my mom. **** [[Tropers.ReikoKazama I]] avoid the things at all costs. And I normally ''love'' sweets! Horrible, horrible banana-shaped... '''''THINGS'''''. No touchie. Bananas >>>>>>>> banana-shaped-THINGSthat-don't-even-taste-like-banana. ** Also, related: I had a friend, growing up, who couldn't stand bananas. I never understood that. *** [[AviRena This troper]] can't stand bananas. And not many people understand her. *** I like bananas. But two consecutive Christmas parties with banana eating contests which nearly suffocated me nearly changed my mind. *** Bananas tickle my mouth in a bad way. * This troper can't stand the taste of polenta or cheesy bread in French onion soup. Normally, all the components of the foods by themselves are delicious, it's just putting them together that's bad. They have a sort of rich yet sour taste, and sit like a rock in my stomach when I swallow (first person, sorry). Just thinking about eating them makes me want to gag. ''Blech.'' * [[Tropers/MrW For me,]] BROCOLLI. * For [[PurplePantherGirl this troper]], it's dark chocolate. I don't care if you put it on a buscuit, fill it with orangey-creme stuff or make it into icing. I HATE IT. ** For [[LockonLockon This Troper]] It's all chocolate, and any chocolate. Yes, I do get looked at like an alien when I say this. ** [[MmmKay This troper]] unfortunately has fallen for the sinfully sweet delight of American milk chocolate (it's not even completely

chocolate, it's mostly sweet milk); any other chocolate tastes incredibly bizzare and terrible. That being said, artificial chocolate is wretched ''as '''hell'''''. ** Mmmmmm, dark chocolate... It's the only chocolate I actually enjoy anymore. Even the 99% cocao content chocolate (as in the stuff that's practically baking chocolate) is ridiculously delicious to me. I just find milk chocolate far too sweet and not-chocolatey. And all the sugar makes my teeth hurt when I eat it. * This troper has no allergies, but hates Potato Salad so much that just being in the same ROOM as the crap makes her nauseous... sauerkraut is almost as bad, but potato salad is definitely the worst. food. EVER. ** This is basically [[{{Cameoflage}} my]] sentiments re: mushrooms; the smell of cooked mushrooms alone - I don't find raw mushrooms particularly offensive to be near - is enough to put me off a meal. (I didn't mention them when I started this page because I like mushroom ''soup'', although I don't know what makes the difference.) *** Oh dear GOD, mushrooms are foul. And there's the slim chance some identical toadstools popped up in the field and the laborers picked them anyway. Although don't they have like production lines to prevent this? *shakes head* back on topic, mushrooms suck. * [[{{MRL}} This troper]]'s entire family hates cherries and anything cherry-flavored, which seems to perplex a lot of people. * [[{{Eban}} This troper]] reviles green peppers. They're everywhere. Try getting a pizza without them. Lot of vegetable blends include them. They're nasty, stink, and completely overwhelm the flavor of anything they're with. You can't even pick them out because that god awful taste seeps into everything they touch. * [[ARandomSerf This troper]] is not allergic, but he detests peanut butter enough that he might as well be. The same goes for bell peppers and any sort of carbonated drink. ** [[Tropers/MrZAP This troper]] is the same way with peanut butter, so much so that it's probably one of the things I hate most in all of existence. This has been exploited by my friends many a time, who enjoy pretending to threaten me with force-feeding. It's just...I hate ''everything'' about it. Not just the taste, but the smell, the texture, the appearance of it, and even what it can ''sound like'' when such sounds are magnified. It started in pre-school, when my mom made me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day for lunch, and I already didn't like them, but I was like three and it didn't occur to me that I could, you know, ''tell her I didn't like it'' for about eighteen months, so I just [[StoicWoobie took it and ate it]]. This made my hate for it all the more intense and when I finally thought of telling my mom what I thought, it had already gone to ridiculous levels of loathing. She promptly stopped making it for me, obviously, and I swore it off for good. I know my hatred and literal distaste for it is still there from the few times over the years when I have accidentally eaten peanut butter candies and remembered just why I stopped eating it. Not to mention the smell is still near nausea inducing. Oddly enough, while they're not very good either in my book, I'm far more tolerant of ''actual peanuts'', and will eat them on occasion. Also, honorable mention are my pronounced dislike of green

beans, which while nowhere near the levels of my dislike for peanut butter, I just despise. However, on rare occasions I will stomach them in vegetable soups when they're too plentiful to be avoided, and I do like the Chinese variety to an extent, which aren't really the same thing. Oh, and peppers, which I don't like, which goes hand in hand with my relatively low tolerance for spicy foods (my little sister is on the other end, having an extremely high tolerance for them...meh). I'll try most anything else though, and there are far more foods that I love than those that I hate. ** God, I ''despise'' peanut butter. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people eat peanut butter ''straight from the jar'', it makes me gag every time. The worst part is that nearly everyone else I know loves it. I can only eat it when it's mixed into something so well you can barely taste it, so on the rare occasion I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I go heavy on the jelly ( and that's only when there's nothing else to eat.). * This troper has a friend who, you've guessed it, DoesNotLikeSpam. In fact, she hates it with a passion. ** [[{{ptitlehwgm85et78jj}} Spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spaaaaam, wonderful spaaaaaaaam~]] *shot* * It's liver for me. I'm not picky, and I can eat some food I dislike (like mushrooms or plain polenta), but liver causes me gag reflexes. ** I don't think dislike of liver is uncommon. First, on the rational side, it's the animal's poison filter (as one strip of ''{{Zits}}'' put it). Secondly, it's the one most commonly used to refer to foods kids won't eat to begin with ("Want to make the kids scream on Halloween? Pass out liver and onions!"). *** That said, while I hate liver, I do enjoy liverwurst. Apparently a lot of people don't. * This troper dislikes a lot of food. They include: Cherries, Strawberries, Spaghetti, Pizza from a certain place, bananas, etc., etc. * This troper has a dog who doesn't like olives. He eats pretty much any people food he's given...but he spits out olives. * This troper has a passionate hatred of fizzy drinks, to the point where I almost physically can't swallow if I take a sip of one. This always made me feel a bit left out at parties when I was a kid. * My dad won't eat oatmeal (mostly), but that's because at one point he was unlucky enough to get a husk caught in his throat and had to try to dig it out with a toothbrush because it was stuck to his gag point and wouldn't go up ''or'' down. He won't trust the stuff now. (I feel the same way about, to a lesser degree, about Rocky Road ice cream (after chewing on a walnut shell) and about tater tots, because of the one time we had finished eating a bag when we realized that the bits we thought were ice were really ''broken glass''. Really hoping that was an accident and not like one of those urban horror stories.) * My nephews, as toddlers, wouldn't eat anything slimy, including, say, bananas, melon, canned peaches, etc. One of my nephews, now 6, had baby bottle mouth and had to have major work done on his teeth, and because (a) he can't chew well and (b) certain cavities didn't get filled (since the dentist rationalized that the teeth were gonna fall out soon anyway), he refuses to eat a wide variety of foods most kids

would go wild over, including many types of candies as well as strawberries. Also won't eat lettuce. And that's on top of the usual "kid isn't big enough to appreciate a good tomato on his sandwich"[[hottip:*:or a good fried mushroom]] complaints. (But I share his aversion to raw onions... and am busy trying to convince him that ''cooked'' onions are a whole 'nother creature entirely, and ''delicious''.) * [[BerserkButton I. HATE. HERSHEYS!!!!]] * [[{{Gorank}} ThisTroper]] hates ketchup. HATES it. * [[Troper/TheToonGeekette This troper]], normally willing to try just about anything, ''really'' doesn't like peppers or mushrooms. Meanwhile, my mom has a hatred of onions big enough to become a constant source of humor in my family. * [[{{Troper/Crion87}} This troper]] finds tomato ketchup, as well as properly-processed tomatoes, at least edible and sometimes delicious in some things (for instance, bolognaise sauce for pasta, or tomato soup) - but will refuse or ask to alter anything that has sliced tomato in it. The taste is OK, it is the texture that really disgusts him - like eating some sort of fetid slime. * Anything fake-cherry flavored >=P. Or tomatoes in any incarnation other than ketchup. Ketchup: tasty condiment. Tomatoes: ewwww. And mushrooms are just too creeeeeeeepy to eat. She also hates the little fruit chunks in yogurt. * Mushrooms are the only thing that can ruin this troper's appetite. * This troper doesn't like [[IncrediblyLamePun spam mail,]] but she absolutely hates artichokes. There's a reason there's choke in the name! * This troper cannot stand eggs to the degree that the mere sight of them makes him slightly sick. * My Dad hates mushrooms. * This troper was brought up by parents who almost absolutely would not stand for me being a picky eater, but they made allowances for two things that were guaranteed to make me throw up: cheese and ''tripas'' (or fried cow's intestines). The second could potentially be understood by those outside of this troper's culture (as it's normally a delicacy by those inside said culture), but the first? I am perhaps the only person I know who has always hated grilled cheese and who gagged once when eating a slice of pizza with too much cheese on it. Now I do actually love certain cheeses, but they have to be non-cooked (e.g. a cube of cheddar on an appetizer tray or some crumbled blue cheese on a salad) or processed to the point of almost non-recognition (e.g. nacho "cheese"). BTW, this troper would also love for all you mushroom haters to pass along all your mushrooms to her because she ''adores'' mushrooms and would eat them every day if she could. * This troper just, um, doesn't seem to like food. It's easier to say that than list the things I don't like. It's a very recognised part of my personality amongst those who know me well. * To this Troper, it's onions, cooked, raw, or otherwise. * This troper detests all fake strawberry flavoured things. * This troper has never understood why, but he utterly and most definitely DESPISES potatoes and chocolate. I grew up around people that LOVED chocolate, yet could never understand why I don't like it.

Same goes for potatoes, their weird taste, the odd feel, EYAUGGGGGH! * BEANS. I cannot stand beans, as whenever I try to eat one, be it green, black, garbanzo, or what ever, I just can't stand them. It's not the taste, it's the ''texture''. There's just something about it that makes me want to vomit. Same goes for tomatoes. And as a kid, I hated chocolate for some reason. * This troper cannot even try to eat applesauce or any invertebrates. * Beans, peas, onion for [[@/{{endlessness}} this troper]]. Also, bacon, sausages, anything with pork in it, and anything with artificial fruit flavour. * Mushrooms, tomatoes and pea soup are just a few of all the things [[{{Tropers/Kathadrion}} this troper]] despises. Also, her stepdad can't stand rice pudding, because once when he was a kid, his big sisters tied him down and force-fed it to him until he threw up. * This troper just hates maple syrup of any kind. Unfortunately, she's completely surrounded by the stuff, living in CanadaEh. * [[JusticeReaper This troper's]] list of disliked foods: milk, liver, cherries, naseberries, starapples, yams, boiled dumplings, okras, chocolate, anything with pork in it, soup, and anything that's overly sweet. * [[Tropers/GalenDev This Troper]] ''hates'' mustard. Not much for Horseradish, either. ** [[Tropers/SizzlyBacon Hey, me too!]] Unless it's on a hot dog. And there's ketchup, too. * [[Tropers/Zanreo This Tropers]] hated foods: marzipan, mayonnaise, eggs, broccoli, cauliflower, and strangely, potato chips(she loves cheese doodles though). And pineapples on pizza. * Shrimp. This troper despises all kinds of seafood, but she has a special loathing for shrimp. Mushrooms and citruses are also unappetizing. * This troper has a friend who will not eat fruit. Any fruit. At all. Troper herself will not touch most condiments, strawberry flavouring, white chocolate, hamburgers and things that are cold when they should be warm. Eurgh. * [[Tropers/KatanaCat This Troper]] hates a number of foods, but the only one coming to mind at the moment is celery. And my parents love celery. [[TheComplainerIsAlwaysWrong And it's in my dad's vegetable soup, which he makes for all three of us]]. * I hate spam and balogna ''so much.'' Same goes for boiled hot dogs. The reason is that my dad used to put all three in a blender and make them mix together in a chunky paste, then give it to little-kid!me for my lunch. I thought it tasted absolutely disgusting, and my hatred for it spread to the three ingredients on their own. * To this troper, the things that instantly ruin her appetite are cauliflower, cabbage, actually ANYTHING cabbage related. I can't stand it, to the point my gag reflex goes postal whenever I try to eat any of those things. And common to my whole family: [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chard chards]]. My mom tried it one time and, as we all started to eat, brothers, sisters, Mom & Dad were all looking at each other and Mom said : "I think I'll make some pasta instead..." * Once, at a sleepover, this Troper's friend was dared to drink a sip

of a concoction created by other friends in a game of Truth or Dare (it was revenge for accidentally nearly making another girl vomit after eating a spoonful of chili paste - she had a very low tolerance for spicy food). The friend gagged when she saw it not because it contained, among other things, salad dressing and steak sauce, but because it contained milk. She hates milk that much. * This troper's stepdad doesn't like popcorn. The taste, the smell, are all a BrownNote to him. * This troper and Chinese vegetables are a match made in hell. I actually stuck my fried rice in the refrigerator and poured soy sauce on it because it smelled like Chinese vegetables. [[SincerityMode (I'm not trying to be racist, I swear!)]] * Raw onions. Can't stand the bastards. Although I find cooked onions (cooked way the hell down until squishy and not sulfury and crunchy anymore) delicious. I also can't stand cilantro, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, and moldy cheese. * This troper has no particular food he hates. He just favors some over others. But this troper actually does like spam. Cut not too thick, and sauteed in oil long enough on each side to make a crispy outer layer. * [[Tropers/OriginalHobbit I]] have a very long list, I'll only name a few. ** Spam ** Peanut butter ** Bell peppers of any color ( they all taste the same to me, and they're all disgusting.) ** Onions ** Ketchup ** Mayonnaise ** Cauliflower *** and that's not even half of my list. * Pickles. Even the idea of touching them disgusts me, and I would rather endure a significant amount of pain then eat one. Once my friend chased me with them. I got revenge. * I hate oranges. Orange-flavored candy, orange juice, oranges without the peels - the only kind of orange I don't hate is TheAnnoyingOrange. Oh, and I also hate strawberry ice cream. * [[Tropers/{{Uriel1988}} This Troper]] cannot stand chicory. At all. * [[Tropers/{{Trebor}} This troper]] cannot stand bananas, cauliflower, meat (unless it's [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean that]] kind of meat), dairy, or milk chocolate. The last three even makes him sick looking at or smelling them. * [[Tropers//{{AeromanDVance}} This Troper]] HATES zucchini! Whenever I try to eat it, I have gag reflexes and [[SuckinessIsPainful I feel like I could actually throw up]]. That stuff is just inedible. Which is strange considering the fact that I usually love veggies ([[BigEater and food in general]]) * This troper hates onions with a fiery passion. * There are several things this troper will NOT eat: milk, any kind of strong and/or yellow cheese (except blue cheese... yeah, I don't get it either), mashed potatoes (regular taters are just fine though), mushrooms, white chocolate, and lasagna. That's just stuff I refuse to

touch: my list of disliked but still edible food [[PickyEater is much longer]]. * [[Tropers/CountSpatula This troper]] is normally a notable case of ExtremeOmnivore. I've had calf's heart, jellyfish, and live octopus, among other things. But I simply just don't like the taste of tilapia. And shredded coconut. * [[Tropers/{{Anima}} This troper]] can list more foods she dislikes than foods she likes. But there's only a few things that incite burning, violent hatred. ** Swiss cheese ** Sour cream ** [[BlazingInfernoHellfireSauce Anything that can be measured on the Scoville scale]] ** Cooked vegetables ** Oriental food of any kind ** Cornbread ** Animal offal ** Meat from any animal not exclusively raised for the purpose ** Shellfish

---Eat your DoesNotLikeSpam already or I'll shove it in your ear. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DoesNotUnderstandSarcasm * When this troper gets annoyed by people who don't understand sarcasm, I tend to retaliate by snarking very sarcastically at them. They don't understand it and I give vent to my irritation. It's not always really fair, I admit, but when someone is not annoying on purpose, like autists, I have a hard time telling them that they are, probably in fear for hurting them too much. * This troper has a friend, "A" who fits this trope like a glove. Not helped by the fact that this troper is a deadpan snarker, and their friend "M" is one of the wittiest and most sarcastic people there are. "A" will respond to any sarcastic remark with a surprised or defensive response no matter how extraordinary the remark is. She would respond to something like, but not extending to "yeah, 'cause you're a flying pink unicorn" with "no...? I'm not a unicorn". This troper only wishes she was kidding. * Most people with Asperger's Syndrome or high-functioning autism have difficulty in understanding it. [[{{Maniette}} This troper]] actually has a the former, if in a fairly low degree. I understand sarcasm, but I almost always respond to it before I can stop myself. This leads people to think I don't understand it. Annoying, since I'm [[DeadpanSnarker very good at it]]. ** Averted. This troper has Asperger's Syndrome, but not only gets sarcasm, but is a frequent user of it. *** Have [[@/{{G-Mon}} I]] been sleep-editing again? *** You and [[@/MetalShadowX me]] both, unknown troper

** Subverted. [[MakiP This Troper]] also has Asperger's and perceives sarcasm in excess for not being able to get it naturally. ** Played with in [[{{animenutcase}} This Troper's]] case. She can certainly understand sarcasm and uses it herself. It wasn't until recently that it occured to her that she may not quite fully recognize ''satire''. ** This troper has several friends who apparently have Aspergers and certainly don't understand sarcasm, but only when other people use it. They frequently use sarcasm themselves. ** What they said. However, irony...is very hard. This Troper tends to take it totally deadpan...until comprehension dawns (a few minutes later). *** Keep in mind that their ARE different degrees of A.S, and no two people with it are the same. Hell, this Autistic Troper is very sarcastic and has gotten multiple death threats (I'm still here, so I think most of those were jokes)for being a douche (My favorite one was when I was threatened with death via being sodomized by a lionfish, quite creative really). While I do understand this stuff, I don't "Feel" things the same way other humans do, the result, never had a girlfriend at 18 years old. So you can't just rope all those with A.S together, there are always deviations. ** While it's true that some people with really bad cases of Asperger's just don't get sarcasm at all unless they're using it, there are a lot of them that do... most of the time. This troper is included in the second metaphorical bracket as ''sometimes'', the fact that someone's being sarcastic just doesn't register. * Another Aspie that both understands and uses sarcasm frequently here. * Inverted. People never understand when I'm being sarcastic. Most of the times, I have to point out I was being sarcastic just before they reply. Sometimes, people think I was being sarcastic when I clearly wasn't. Doesn't match with my DeadpanSnarker personality. ** This troper had a very similar experience: she's very much a {{Deadpan Snarker}}, but went to high school with some very literal kids. ** Just had this happen to me today. Poor dumb sophomore. ** This troper has this problem times two: normal people ''sometimes'' understand when I'm sarcastic, but most of the time they just don't; AND both my brother and sister have some trouble understanding sarcasm themselves. Since this troper is much of a DeadpanSnarker most of the time, it can get quite annoying. Of course I'm always serious and I actually ''mean'' it when I say that I like that ridiculous pink shirt, for example [[SarcasmMode [/sarcasm] ]] * This troper's mother does not understand sarcasm. Ever. Very infuriating because she thinks I am unfunny and thinks my friends were always laughing at me instead of with me. ** Sounds like your mother is moonlighting as mine. ** ...Or, it could just mean you aren't funny. * This troper (who will refrain from leaving a name, in order to make it at least slightly more difficult to connect the potentiallyinsulting example to the specific person referenced) knows a ([[PoesLaw quite possibly Straw]]) TheFundamentalist who assumes that

any attempt at BlackHumor or anything that can be interpreted as sacrelige is deadly serious- to the point that he decried a joking treatise (that even included a [[TheStinger stinger]]) about "[[ConspiracyTheory coded messages]]" in a fish sandwich commercial for being a completely stupid, unreasonable attack on a perfectly decent corporation, and practically [[GodwinsLaw Godwin-bombed]] the thread. People don't listen (or talk) to him much any more. ** Wait, if it's "only" a straw-fundamentalist, doesn't that put your "does not understand sarcasm" example over the top? * This troper has to deal with people like this a lot. While many of his friends do recognize it, most other people he knows just... don't even seem to know what it is. Which isn't helped by the fact that this troper is a DeadpanSnarker to the point it's almost a reflex to speak like that. * My family had to come up with a signal for sarcasm so she wouldn't make an idiot of herself. (It was an American Sign Language "S" by the way) * This troper, upon sarcastically commenting on a person's inconsistent political views, was lambasted with enough BS that he ended conversation with "Sarcasm. It's a word. Look it up in the dictionary." The kicker? The guy ''actually promised to do so.'' Not only didn't he understand it, he didn't know it existed. * Around this troper, people learn to tolerate her "Oh, was that sarcasm?"s. * This troper is pretty sarcastic, yet seems to make a habit of coming across people who have no understanding of sarcasm, and despite my best efforts to make them realise I am being sarcastic will take me deadly serious. Worst thing is, most of these people are sarcastic themselves yet do it in such a way they will come across as deadly serious. Naturally they also think they are comedic geniuses, and I need to lighten up and learn to take a joke. Either that or that I don't take things serious enough because I think people are joking when they are being serious. Annoyingly even some of my friends don't seem to realise that smilies are a great way of showing if something is a joke or not when talking online. If I say something followed by :p or :), or LOL, I'm joking. If you say something without any of these, how am I to know if it's serious or a joke. ** Schroedinger's Sarcastic Comment. Before being read, it is sarcastic and not sarcastic at the same time. Until you read the comment, you can't know which it will be. [[spoiler: This troper always figured sarcasm was a way for mean people to avoid improving their social skills.]] * [[{{Noir-Okami}} This Troper]] has issues with nobody understanding her sarcasm. ...ARG. One of the worst times was when I was in a school debate and used some sarcasm. The person who I was arguing with and half the class ''took me literally.'' I had to explain that I was being sarcastic. (The teacher, of course, brought up the point that some people do like sarcasm in debates, thank God.) * This troper was exceptionally gifted with sarcasm at a young age, mainly because my parents were constantly sarcastic. Now, having grown quite a lot, I've come to realize that I was a very special case; most pre-teens I'm forced to hang around ''do not'' understand sarcasm. It

can be quite annoying because I handle stress by... becoming sarcastic... It really doesn't work for any of us. * In a real-life example of [[TropesAreTools Tropes are Not Bad]], this troper was in a high school full of people who had no concept of sarcasm (or general wit at all) who he had a whole lot of fun with. There are few feelings more satisfying than peoples' moronic attempts at bullying being shot right back at them. * Sarcasm is a language in [[{{MiraShio}} this troper's]] class. Guess what trope the outcast falls under. * Most of the people this troper knows do understand sarcasm, but they don't recognize it when she uses it. She has come to realize that this is because her normal speaking voice sounds almost exactly like her sarcasm voice, unless she's extremely happy or angry. * This troper's entire family is prone to a bizarre mashup of playing this trope straight and inverting it. My parents, especially my dad, can be unexpectedly spontaneous and have a habit of announcing real but off-the-wall or out-of-the-blue plans (usually but not always for future vacations) in a way that's utterly indistinguishable from deadpan-delivery sarcasm. Meanwhile, I generally ''get'' their sarcastic jokes, but I often don't ''appreciate'' them due to either {{Anvilicious}}ness or me being made the butt of the joke or both. Either that or I automatically correct them. Also, my own sense of humor frequently involves facetiously riffing on a sarcastic remark, which is often taken to mean I took it literally when in fact I'm just enjoying an absurd mental image. (This along with a thousand other little misunderstandings has led them to believe I have Asperger's Syndrome.) I suppose the latter could be considered a subversion (a ''[[NotASubversion real]]'' one). * I have to deal with this kind of people sometimes. God, do they annoy me. But you can still have some fun with those if you have at least one other person around who understands sarcasm. ** For someone so tortured by the intellectual frailty of others, you sure have a poor grasp of grammar... * [[StarlitOcean This troper]] is quite unreliable at detecting sarcasm. Sometimes I pick it up fine, sometimes I inexplicably fail. Even when I do get sarcasm, I sometimes find it amusing to go along with it as if it were intended seriously, which can result in mild confusion as people sometimes fail to realise when ''I'm'' being sarcastic. This may be because my sarcastic voice sounds just like my regular voice. * People don't tend to understand when I'm being flippant or sarcastic. They take everything I say at face value, which is kind of offensive, because that signifies that they assume I'm a moron. Apparently, in order for sarcasm to be read as sarcasm in the modern day, you have to use the voice, the obnoxious air quotes and roll your eyes so there's no possible way people can miss it. Of course, the worst part is it sucks any humour out of the situation because half the time I have to end up violating the rule of Don't Explain The Joke, or else we get sidetracked into an argument because they took my sarcasm seriously. Is it any wonder I don't always like to meet new people? * When this troper debates, he deliberately invokes this trope mainly

on people who aren't used to his style of debating, and asks for clarification. Once the other person gives up, he comes back and snarks at them and painfully deconstruct their whole argument, with a [[BlatantLies few]] logical fallacies, turning it into a pile of contradictions and assumptions. It crosses the line to {{Jerkass}} [[{{Understatement}} more than once]]. * On the internet, it can be a bit hard for me. I'm pretty clueless anyway... * {{@/Bergil}} is both an example and an inversion for the same reason- since I [[MotorMouth talk very fast]] normally, my "talking to idiots or small childern" voice (slow, lots of emphasis) sounds normal. * This troper usually understands sarcasm, but for some reason is unable to recognize when two or three individuals are being sarcastic. * [[{{Kebab}} This troper]] sits next to a guy with Asperger's in his History class. He's ''extremely'' intelligent and actually pretty funny, but his sense of humour is blunt and unrefined, whereas the {{Deadpan Snarker}} is dependent on a lack of proper expression and heavy irony. This leads to him looking at me for a few moments when I crack a joke before he gets back to work while the chick on the other side of me is sniggering. * My mother and I occasionally have moments of failure to understand the other's sarcasm, probably because she grew up in South America while I grew up in the United States. * Sarcasm is annoying in my opinion. Whenever someone makes it, I wind up thinking they were serious, usually resulting in them getting angry at me, and when I try to make it, people think that I was serious, usually resulting in me getting angry. * This one dumbass [[ScaryBlackMan Scary Black Kid]] who goes to my school. I took a picture that just happened to include him, which provoked him to call me a "faggot". Ooh, I'm sorry, a ''[[DepartmentofRedundancyDepartment gay]]'' faggot. Because he was making a certain pose. [[ItGotWorse Bad enough, right?]] I responded saying that he was the one who made that effeminate pose, calling him "[[SarcasmMode Mr. Masculine]]". [[RalphWiggum He took this as a sign that I was coming on to him]]. * This troper, due to his [[CloudCuckooLander cloudcuckoolander]] tendencies, usually misses the more subtle clues that indicate sarcasm, leading him to take most sarcastic comments at face value (assuming he even catches the comment in the first place). Needless to say, his friends are not pleased. ** This troper suffers from the same exact problem, and is ridiculed and/or exploited by various family and friends due to her lack of a Sarcasm Radar. * Kind of a weird one, but I have a tendancy to use cynical sarcasm as my usual way of expressing distaste about something to people, but some people I know will misinterpret my sarcasm and as a serious statement and are sarcastic about it-in effect, they try to ''sarcasm sarcasm''. This get old very, very quickly. * This troper is going to make a blanket statement about Chinese people [[spoiler: after living and working in China, teaching English for nearly two years.]] (and speakers of other languages that

distinguish vocabulary by tone) in general. They don't understand sarcasm at all. When asked about his girlfriend (technically nonexistant) he replied, "Oh, she's ''very'' ugly." They said "Why do you like her?" He said, "Well she has a good personality." And then said, "But seriously, she looks like a dog. I love going to see movies with her, because we both face the same direction ''and'' they turn out the lights." Their response? [[spoiler: "Huh."]] ** To be fair, these kids are from the countryside, only use [[spoiler: censored chinese internet]], and don't have a large ammount of exposure to western culture in general. *** But they all know who Micheal Jackson and Justin Beiber are ''and'' can sing at least one song from the two artists despite a heavy reliance on stock Engrish phrases such as "The weather is changable", "Life is colorful", and "Good good study day day up" (to study material and benefit from a knowledge of it) * This Troper's little sister doesn't seem to realize when she's making some sarcastic commentary (usually against her). * This (older) troper considers it a sign of maturity if you can accomodate the people who fall under this trope without even the slightest little bit of snark or sarcasm and assumes all of the smug sarcastic people above who look down on {{The Spock}}s of the world whom this trope describes are of high school age or younger. Oh, and woe betide any "master of sarcasm" who comes across a professor with a sarcasm intolerance who operates in the manner this trope describes, who then decides to fire off sarcasm volleys in class. Unlike in high school, a professor is not paid to take it from anyone and will eviscerate you in front of class, to the point where you'll tuck your tail and run off like a whimpering puppy. OTOH, if you yourself suffer from this, don't worry about it at all. No one of importance will give you a hard time about your lack of understanding sarcasm. (nb: Not one iota of the above is sarcasm.) * My brother, by far. Sometimes I can't really tell whether he genuinely does not understand it or if he's just joking around. * This Troper is a natural DeadpanSnarker, and really hates it when people don't understand his sarcasm, due often it forces me to cross the line into Don't Explain The Joke. However, he also is so much of a DeadpanSnarker that sometimes I think people are being sarcastic while they are really being serious, so trope inverted with him. * This troper has learned that sarcasm is harder to detect over the internet, when you can't tell by the person's tone o voice if they are being sarcastic. * This troper's mother, to an unbelievibly [[{{DarthWiki/Wallbanger}} wallbanging]] extent. * This troper has a Chinese foreign exchange student for a roommate, who has on multiple occasions used common sarcastic slang, such as writing "''Great''. . ." when he actually means that something is good. It reached a new hilarious and disturbing high when he purchased a coffee mug that says, "Laugh at your own problems. . . ''everyone else does!''" without a shred of hint in his mind that it could be just a wee bit disconcerting (This is not to say that he cannot speak English, but rather that he misses English sarcasm). This runs into trouble, though, due to this troper being a DeadpanSnarker and

TheGadfly. HilarityEnsues. ---No, really, this isn't a link back to DoesNotUnderstandSarcasm. * Then why did you put it there? Seriously. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DoesThisMakeMeLookFat * Yes. * I've actually been asked a variant on this question twice. One time it was my male roommate--and of course, anytime the question is asked by a man, it's a subversion rather than a straight use. And he was aware enough of the trope that he didn't say "make me look fat," he said "make me look big"--but of course, the meaning was the same. The other time was when I was asked, "Do these clothes make me look like a whore?" Mind you, the woman in question was, in fact, a hooker, and she was going out for (it's safe to assume) a night of [[{{Streetwalker}} streetwalking]]. Nevertheless, the answer she was looking for was still, "No, you don't." Remember, the word "whore" is very much subject to NWordPrivileges, and while some prostitutes use the word in a reclaiming way, others (such as my friend in question) use it as an insult against a particular prostitute rival just as many blacks use the N-word as an insult against some particular black rival. * A girl I know was trying on a particularly nice dress. When she asked, I glanced up at her and said, "Of course not." My best friend looked around the corner, grinning. "But it does show off your goods." Cue awkward silence. * I absolutely hate the existence of this trope because, thanks to it, every time I ask a guy this question, he immediately starts stammering that of course not, I'm sex on legs and would look amazing in whatever I put on all the while carefully staring at his feet like the broken shell of a man he is. When I ask, I'm not playing weird mind games, I want an honest response because ''I want to be told if the clothes I'm wearing are unflattering.'' ** Here's the solution: mirrors. Or just reword it as "Does this look good?" *** 1) Input from other people is good. I might think something looks okay on me, while everyone else would be gagging at the sight of me, and if the latter is going on, I would like to be informed of this. 2) Doesn't help. Men still seem to think that if they don't answer in the affirmative no matter what, I'm going to whip out a pair of scissors and castrate them then and there for daring to see me as anything less than the most amazingly attractive woman alive. ** Amen on that! I have a real problem with girls who blatantly fish for compliments by invoking this trope. I also have a problem with girls who fill their minds with so much "beauty" magazine rubbish that they actually develop body dysmorphia and have to invoke this trope over and over again. It messes up things for the rare occasions in which it IS a useful question and the question invoker wouldn't be

bothered by the (constructive) truth, i.e. the kind that would be delivered by Trinny and Susannah of the original "What Not to Wear". (e.g.: "Yes, the dress looks horrible on you, but here's one that'll make every guy in the room drool.")

DogFoodDiet * Every dog owner has at least ''wondered'' what Fido's biscuits really taste like. ** Very dry and bland, mostly. ** This troper is under the firm belief that dogs only like the crunchiness. This tropers dogs are labs so it's at least conceivable since they've been known to eat sticks, rib bones, rawhide strips, ice and junebugs. ** One editor is informed by her mother that she [the troper] was known to snack on the occasional dog biscuit as a small girl. The troper does not remember what they were like. ** A bit like cardboard. Does this raise more questions? ** The ones I sampled actually didn't taste that bad. A bit mealy and pasty once chewed on in the mouth, but not bad at all. Granted, that was about 20 years ago and my taste in things may have changed to where I'd find those revolting now, but I was bored and hungry and there were no cookies at my grandma's house (and my grandma was NOT the type to bake cookies or anything else, really), so dog biscuits it was! * This troper accidentally ate some dog treats once. In her defense, they looked like peanut butter Oreo cookies and were in the snack section of the cabinet, rather than in the dog food section... They were pretty good, thoughmade of carob and peanut butter. Then again, this troper's family spoils their animals rotten. * This ([[CatGirl female]]) troper had eaten cat food in this context. * When [[PomRania this troper]] was in 4-H, she liked the pressed barley (or something-barley, I can't remember) so much that the instructor hid it. And also, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin sweet feed]] is delicious. * This troper used to eat dry cat food as a toddler. It wasn't that great. * This troper has a rather pampered dog with a delicate stomach, leading to occasional thoughts on the lines of "Damn, that looks good. Shame it's for the dog." And sometimes eating it anyway. * This troper once ate a dog biscuit that belonged to her neighbor's dog. The thing tasted SOUR. Troper is curious as to the flavors of other brands of dog biscuits, perhaps more curious than she should be. * This troper knew a kid who use to eat COW food, he said it was tasty O.o * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]], when he was really little, ate cat food once. To this day, he still remembers what it was like; it was crunchy and fishy... * This troper loves Yogurt Drops, little chocolate chip-like things made of yogurt that people give to pet rodents as treats. Even though some brands say they're good human snacks as well, every rodent owner this troper knows always get weirded out when he eats a few.

** Mostly because any responsible and smart rodent owner knows those things are appallingly bad for them, varying on the species. Rats can stand them, it'll make hamsters obese and cause fur loss like only the worst junk-food-fed-from-birth with humans, and guinea pigs will die they're lactose intolerant. But they are, however, yummy and tasty from a human point of view - hence why they're still on the shelves. [[AllWritersAreHuman All food-tasters are human.]] * This Troper occasionally snacks on her hamster's grain mix. * This troper tried some birdseed once. The little wheat grains were pretty good, actually. ** Wheat is actually fairly sweet, I've eaten it straight out of the field when I was a kid. * This Troper used to eat the raisins out of her guinea pigs' food mix. She also tried "gourmet" canned cat food when she was housesitting for a family friend. The taste was incredibly bland, though the texture was great. ** An inversion - while this same Troper was going through a period of financial hardship, her aunt would bring her foods from WIC that she didn't want. So she had about forty boxes of Cheerios that she didn't even use, because she couldn't buy milk. So, when she ran out of dog kibble, she fed the Cheerios to the dog. So her dog got a Human Food Diet for a couple of weeks. (No, this is not animal cruelty. [[SarcasmMode Yes, this Troper knows that dogs are delicate creatures and can drop dead at the sight of human food.]] Yes, the dog is still alive and well and back on her kibble.) * This troper remembers seeing a PublicServiceAnnouncement for food stamps in which an elderly lady opens a can of cat food(her cat is seen on the counter), putting it on a plate, then setting the plate, with a couple of crackers on the side, on the kitchen table. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DoggedNiceGuy * What happens when you're just a genuinely nice guy who tries to be kind to anyone he meets, male or female? I once became friends with a girl, and after she casually mentioned she really liked Led Zeppelin but didn't have any of their albums (this was 2005ish, back when people still bought music) I burnt her my copy of their complete discography (the 4 disc version, anyway). It took me about 2 minutes to do, and I thought of it as no more than a kind gesture, plus a means of making more Zeppelin fans. After that, she started avoiding me and got really distant and cold whenever we did talk, as if the more I treated her with kindness and respect, the more she avoided me. I'm neither obsessive nor masochistic (unlike a lot of other nerdy guys, apparently), so after a couple negative encounters, I stopped trying to talk to her. A few months later, one of her friends mentioned to me that the girl she ignoring me because she thought any guy who treated her nicely was trying to get into her pants. After a while, the girl in questioned figured out I wasn't interested in her, that I'm a blunt, honest sort of guy who just asks a girl out if he

likes her, and we were friends for several years after that.\\ \\ Fortunately, this hasn't happened very often, but there are some women out there who, either because of negative experiences with dogged nice guys, or because they anticipate negative experiences, treat any guy who's nice to them like dirt and miss out on some truly wonderful friendships and relationships because of it. This just adds fuel to the "all girls want jerks" fire. Also, it's important (though maybe difficult at first, depending on how good at manipulating people he is) to recognize the difference between a Dogged Nice Guy and a nice guy who happens to like you. One just acts nice to get you to like him, the other is a genuinely good person. Sadly, the Dogged Nice Guy will probably stick around and be a creeper even after you've turned him down. It's not like men are any wiser, though. It took this troper 4 years to figure out his current (very shy) girlfriend liked him. * What is that feeling where you want forgiveness from someone, but they either can't or won't hear such pleas? I've been thinking back about a horribly backfired attempt at gaining a girl's friendship. When [[{{Tropers/Premonition45}} this troper]] was in high school, I was part of the orchestra program (I played viola), and every year, the orchestra holds an annual "orchestra festival", which is basically a showcase of the HS orchestra program to the 8th grade string players from the middle school. And as part of it, the 8th graders play a song with the HS string players. One year, I happened to be paired with one of them. This was the girl I ended up hurting. We chatted, we played, it all sounded like fun. And after that, she was gone. I didn't think of her again.\\ \\ The next year, however, I bumped into her as I was walking through the halls. I was simply passing by, and I noticed her and was like "Wow, it's you! How've you been!". Soon afterwards, I (retrospectively speaking) began bugging her. I thought I was invoking my BigBrotherInstinct. I thought I should warm her up to the high school, to its orchestra program, since I felt pretty naive as a freshman. I didn't realize it, but I instilled a loathing towards me. I can just imagine her (somewhat deserved) fury. I think the real reason I haven't visited high school since graduating is all because of this. This quote, originally out of ''PlanesTrainsAndAutomobiles'', best describes what I'm feeling: -->"I meet someone whose company I really enjoy, and what do I do? I go overboard. I smother the poor soul. I cause [her] more trouble than [she] has a right to. ** I gotta go on, but it's probably the one thing about high school, hell, possibly about my life so far, [[MyGreatestFailure that truly shames me.]] And it's incredibly painful to think I may never get to make amends with her. [[ReformedButRejected It's not simply the pain of being hated, but the pain of being hated and never getting any opportunity to atone for it.]] * This troper somehow ran into several (younger) Dogged Nice Guys in high school. Unfortunately, this troper wound up falling for these guys' tricks (that they were all type 2 DNGs didn't help), only to find out later that they were very selfish and immature and seemed to

think they were entitled to touch me simply because I was their girlfriend. I had a really rough time after the first boyfriend who did this, but subsequent boyfriends kept doing this even when I told them why I didn't always feel comfortable even cuddling. This troper is now in college and doesn't trust anyone who appears to have a Y chromosome. * [[{{Tropers/Sunflower}} This troper]], who is an attractive (so I've been told) woman and also a colossal nerd, has run into these more times than she can count, both on and offline. These are the guys who will pat themselves on the back over Facebook about how they are such "nice guys" and angst on and on about how no girl will date them because they all flock to "jerks." I've had plenty of genuine male friends, so I can tell the difference between them and the "nice guy." A real male friend will actually hold a conversation with you, make you laugh and not expect a thing in return, and most of all, give you your goddamn space. A "nice guy" lays on the passive-aggressive "I care about you NOTICE ME NOTICE ME NOTICE ME" garbage right off the bat, following you around and always making these obnoxious little "hints" . No wonder these guys never get dates. When I meet one, the first thing I want to do is run as far away from them as humanly possible from the creepy, self-pitying, pasty, occasionally smelly loser (Now, I'm not shallow, but did you, Mr. "Nice Guy", ever figure that maybe you're not as attractive as you think you are? You don't have to be a movie star to get dates, but at least some selfconsciousness or basic hygiene would be nice). You know what the difference between a nice guy and a "nice guy" is? All the genuinely good guys I've met HAVE GIRLFRIENDS. Frankly, the fact that they automatically jump to blaming everyone with two X chromosomes for their own failures and treating women like they're a hive mind rather than, you know, human beings shows their true immature colors well enough. Guess what? This troper is currently engaged! To a wonderful, intelligent, creative man who didn't just hang back and expect me to see that he was obviously perfect for me. HE ASKED ME OUT. Unlike you, you legions of "nice guys", I can actually talk to him, and he respects what I have to say. So, if you fit the description of Mr. "Nice Guy", PLEASE rethink your life. You may be more at-fault than you think. ** Proof of Facebook patting, or I don't believe you. And also, prove that you were not regarded as an exception, or I don't believe you. ** This troper sides with the OP, to an extent. It's true some really nice guys can have a hard time getting girls. If that's you, don't give up hope. There is someone wonderful out there for you, I promise. That being said, giving a girl space is a sign of respect. For me, I really don't care what someone looks like or what clothes they wear or how much money, though God knows I'm [[NerdsAreSexy attracted to nerds,]] but being too desperate or clingy is a huge turnoff. Also, it's not really the girl's fault for rejecting you. As long as she wasn't lying to you or purposefully leading you on (and just being your friend doesn't count as "leading you on"), then she totally has the right to accept or reject anyone's advances she sees fit. That being said, I think the OP could have been alot less bitchy in her wording. All of us have our socially awkward moments/embarrassments,

it's part of how we grow. ** OP, you took the words out of my mouth. Bravo. * This trope... fits this Troper well. Six months ago, I met a girl. We became good friends, and spent quite a bit of time together. However, it was too much. I fell for her, and I ended up playing this trope straight. It got [[DeconstructedTrope deconstructed]] afterward, since she found my advances towards her to just be creepy. I ended up always trying to spend time with her, it went a bit overboard. I ended up being clingy, always following her around and walking with her before and afterschool since we're in different grades and don't share a lunch period. Even with her hints that she was getting annoyed with me (ignoring me a bit, feeling a bit annoyed at my appearances). She just didn't tell me, because she was afraid to be honest, afraid to hurt me. I should've taken the hint and just quit. But of course, I never gave up. I kept following her and tried to spend time with her, but it grew obsessive. Then, she just couldn't take it. She didn't want to put up with my Dogged Nice Guy-ness. She just started ignoring me and pushing me away and stopped talking to me. Eventually she didn't even want to be my friend at all anymore, and refused to even acknowledge my existence. Needless to say, it hurt. I hadn't realized I was being that clingy, creepy, and obsessive. I never meant to be that, though. I just wanted to spend a lot of time with her. I just went a bit overboard. She'll never forgive me, either. I lost that friendship with her. Afterward, I felt as if I had to throw upon [[TheStoic a stoic facade]] as if everything was fine. She's certainly fine without me in her life anymore, although I'm obviously not. I was full of angst for a good month or so. I thought I got over it then, but two weeks ago I started thinking about this whole thing again. Since then I've learned, though. I do deserve it, for being so clingy anyway. I couldn't help it. I have low self esteem... But, because of it, I've been distancing myself from people, afraid for this whole ordeal to happen again. Also not a good thing, but at least I'm saving people the trouble of getting to know me. I just need to know how to fix being so... clingy, creepy, and obsessive, though I never meant to be any of those things. I need to learn how to be independent, too. Long story short, I'm a [[DoggedNiceGuy Dogged Nice Guy]]. It's probably not a good thing to be, and I need to fix it. * I have a female friend who I have quite an interesting history with. My mother is a Junior high school teacher and the kind of woman who remains friendly with all of her students long after they move on. I used to tease that she taught everyone in our town because she'd stop in stores and so many other public places to talk to former students. One student In particular had a very difficult home situation and a series of mental and emotional problems including suicide attempts. I first met her when my mother took her in when she was free to leave her group home on the weekends. We provided a bed. But we didn't really speak much then. It wasn't till sometime afterward when she was thrown out of her home by her mother that she moved in with us. It was initially only supposed to be till she finished her senior year of high school. But after she graduated she had no where to go. She was an illegal immigrant brought to the sates by her mother when she was 7 so she couldn't go to University and to this day struggles to get/hold

a job. Despite her best efforts to get citizenship and dozens of mettings with lawyers nothing seems to work. So she still lives with my parents. We became friends when she first moved in. We were both very different people back then. I was an angsty Nietzsche Wannabe and she was a bit of a know it all goth girl. Looking back we were both terrible people. About a year after she first moved we started to get sick of each other. And eventually we had an incredibly stupid argument about the validity of The Other Wiki in internet arguments. We hated each other with a fiery passion for about 2 years after that. Then I moved out, grew up, and stopped being so prone to arguments. She unfortunately was still stuck with pay parents but in that time came to faith in Christianity. She mellowed out just as much as I. And in no time we were great friends again. I will admit spread throughout our entire friendship I had little crushes on her. I think part of the reason I argued with her so fervently back then was I liked her at the time. But anyway, Fast forward some more. She was dating someone and its not going well. The breakup was so bad that she tried to kill herself. I was destroyed by this news when I found out. I don't think I have ever cried so hard. I was with a friend at the time and in talking to him I had the realization that I'm in love with her. For the next week I visited her in the hospital everyday up until her release. I wanted so badly to confess my feelings but I knew what she really needed was comfort and support and Doing so would have been inappropriate. Finally about 3 weeks later I spoke to her about my feelings. I was rejected, straight forward rejected with "just friends" speech and all. I was quiet but was also clearly upset and she was She was worried I hated her. I told her later that that wouldn't be fair to hate her for for not feeling the same way. For about 2 days following that I was impossibly depressed. But something good happened. I remember sitting in a dentist office having an epiphany. We hated each other for such a long time and our friendship was able to recover from that. How would me loving her more than she loves me ruin our friendship permanently? And sure enough just over a week later we started hanging out again. Spending more time together than ever. And now we've arrived in the present just a few months later. I admit I am having problems moving past my feelings for her but I know that I will eventually. As much as it hurts and as jealous as I feel when she talks about other guys. I know somehow It'll work out. Either some stupid rom-com situation will happen and we'll be together. Or I'll meet someone else and finally move on. In the meantime the only thing I can do is love her and if being her friend and helping her through her situations is how I do that then thats what I'll do. * I guess I'd consider myself a semi-DNG. Really, the thing is, I don't crush on many girls. Usually I seem to crush on girls who aren't available though. I am definitely a type 2, waiting on the sidelines till the girl I like isn't dating anyone, then gently make a move. However, as of recently, I have decided to put a hold on romance, feeling I might not be ready. And furthermore, I recently had a tarot reading (no, seriously...) where I mentioned one of the girls I had a crush on. The person told me that I should not go after her and, to that end, I have decided to give up. I am still friends with her and

have told myself to not talk about my feelings to her. It's, admittedly, a little hard, but I think I can handle it. * This troper has had a rather..."loyal" follower ever since the fourth grade. It started at the beginning of the year, when I was the only kid who would let him sit by me at lunch, despite the fact that he was explosively bipolar, and thus, potentially dangerous, in addition to being a nonstop talker. We're about to be sophomores in high school now. Six years, and he still hasn't let up. Think about that for a moment. I could swear that he borders on StalkerWithACrush sometimes, since I no longer find it unusual to see him riding his bike in circles around my driveway when I come home from school. * [[{{Tropers/Luna87}} I]] was a Dogged Nice Girl to my high school crush, who did like me, but thought of [[TheLadette me]] as [[OneOfTheBoys another guy friend]].

DogsAreDumb * [[{{neoYTPism}} This troper]] recalls his prom day evening. My prom date's dad was trying to get a picture of my prom date and I together, and her pet dog was repeatedly getting in the way and sniffing at my crotch. It was quite awkward, and VERY annoying. For what it's worth, we were [[JustFriends only going as friends]], but still... I couldn't help but feel reminded of [[TheSimpsons Burns]]' line about dogs. (As in, the one that was quoted on the main trope page.) If I ever have a dog, (and that's a big "if") it will probably be one of the more intelligent breeds, like a border collie. * This Troper's dog, Rufus, fits this perfectly. Instead of whining or pawing to get attention, he'll poke whoever is closest to him in the bare leg with his cold, wet, nose. He tries to climb up onto the table to steal scraps even when he can see one of us watching him. Multiple times, he's gotten into the compost bucket in the kitchen and drug scraps all across the floor. He makes a mess with his food and water, to the point where we've joked about putting wet floor signs around his bowls. He's cute, but his brain capacity is definitely lower than many dogs that I've met. ** This troper has also met many dogs at the kennel where she works. One was so desperate to break into a bag of food that he cut his nose trying to squeeze through the run door. Another dog that gets honorable mention for being an idiot was the dog who got out of his run and proceeded to slam into the glass doors leading to the store area of the kennel. * This troper was outside one day throwing a frisbee for her extremely enthusiastic chocolate lab. The frisbee happened to fly in the perfect angle to go over the garbage can. Unfortunately, frisbees are SeriousBusiness and there was no time to pause and go around the garbage can in this dog's mind. He instead slammed headlong into it, making an absolutely ''brilliant'' skull-fracturing-into-a-thousandpieces-on-contact cracking sound. And of course he just keeps right on going afterwards. Of course.

DogWalksYou

Ever had a dog stronger than you? Describe it here! ---* This troper knows a girl, 15, with a massive dog, who even gives Him, 23, a hard time to get him anywhere. Poor girl got dragged around quite often by the dog. * [[{{Gerusz}} This troper]] had a Caucasian Shepherd dog and a Tibetan Mastiff. Both of them are '''''huge''''' dogs. It's easier to win a tug-of-war against a tank than "persuading" them to go somewhere they don't want to. Hell, those dogs can ''break chains''! * This troper has a lovely little scar on her elbow from where her dog (now gone to the Great Doghouse in the Sky) tugged her down when she was little. He was a crossbreed of a keshund and a chow chow--neither of which is an ''enormous'' dog, but he was ''strong,'' and this troper petite. One day, he got the better of her. * This troper used to work at a kennel and had to work with dogs that could sometimes weigh more than she did. We used two people with two leashes if the dog was rowdy enough. The kennel owner also told a story about a woman who used to work there who got yanked off her feet by a dog and the resulting impact actually knocked out some teeth and broke her jaw. *** This troper broke his ''collarbone'' thanks to this trope; the dog didn't notice that he could run faster than the child, and said child tripped over a crack in the pavement. Sweet dog, just heedless. * [[BlinkDawg This troper]] once witnessed something similar involving a toddler and a full-grown german shepherd. Only it involved the boy's father (or possibly uncle, I forget) calling the dog over. It's a good thing the poor kid let go of the leash after being yanked forward and slamming into the pavement. * This troper has a dog who, in her younger days, was very good on the leash... until someone who may or may not be this troper had the brilliant idea of putting on Rollerblades and letting the dog walk me. At the time, I only weighed ten pounds more than my dog, and she was ''very'' strong. [[HilarityEnsues My companions took off running and I held on for dear life, getting sticks and rocks in the wheels and getting the leash wrapped around my knees before eventually falling into a ditch, mostly unharmed but lacking somewhat in the dignity department.]] * For this troper, "DogWalksYou" describes every walk he takes with his dog. But it doesn't mean the dog is physically able to overpower him. Rather, it just means that he allows the dog to choose her own course on the walk--with the minimum amount of restraint needed for staying out of trouble, but the dog will not be prevented from doing something on the grounds that it's aimless, disgusting, or eccentric (and as we all know, dogs can be all three). [[RuleOfFun Since dogs are very good at making every walk into a fun adventure, and humans usually don't have as much fun, why shouldn't it be the dog who decides what to do when taking a walk?]] Every dog just wants the world to be its WideOpenSandbox. ** The trope ''does'' mention the uncontrollable DogWalksYou, and we're explaining how very not-fun it is in real life to be forcibly dragged around by a large dog. As long as you're in control, good for you.

** Mine's too small to manage to do much, but she definitely always has her own ideas on where she wants to go. "To the park! To the park! To the park!" Every single time. If I'm not going in that direction, you can bet she'll pull until she's risking choking herself. And I can wind up busy for a while, trying to get her to accept that I have no intention of going that way. * This troper was once handed his neice's kiddie-reins. Only once. Obviously, he wasn't being dragged; he just didn't know how to "steer" without knocking her over. * When this troper had trouble riding a horse, he was told to simply let the horse know who was in charge. Which was pretty much the problem in the first place; the horse knew ''perfectly well'' who was in charge. * This troper's family has shelties, which aren't really capable of overpowering you, but one of them has the energy and persistence to almost make up for it. The thing that can be kind of funny is that the other dog is getting old and tires quickly on walks - so sometimes when you have the both of them you may end up simultaneously trying to drag one dog along while another dog is trying to drag ''you''. * This Troper's aunt has a dog that, while not very strong, is ''fast''. Fast enough to run around your legs twice in about three seconds, and wrap you up with the leash. Fortunately, he's only strong enough drag you about a yard before you can right yourself. Then he just does it again. * This troper has a malamute; she gets loaded down with about 20 pounds of extra weight on a special harness, and still keeps this troper at a near run on her walks. The kicker? ''She's two years old.'' * This troper learned about the ''special'' kind of pain that comes with a broken collarbone when the hair-brained idea to run around in the communal drive with a (fast-running) dog combined with a crack in the concrete. Dog runs faster than kid, toe hits crack, kid does full front flip and lands flat on his back. Collarbone goes "snap". Kid is not happy. * This Troper has a large Sheepdog and a lab who once decided to chase a squirrel toward a tree. One ran to the left of the tree and the other ran toward the right side. I'm sure you know what happened next. * Someone brought a Siberian Husky to an outdoor event, and had to tie the dog's leash to something. He said that trying to tie this animal to something was like trying to restrain a ''horse!'' He also claimed to have put a harness on the dog, and gone for a tow on rollerblades; interestingly enough, he also said that the dog took to this almost instinctively, reacting to subtle tugs on the reins as steering commands. * My dog hates it when people have gloves or other hand coverings on. If you try to pet him wearing gloves, he will pull them off. One day I was wearing a shirt with sleeves that were slightly too long, and covered my hands, so my dog tried to pull the sleeves off. He pulled me down and literally dragged me in circles around my backyard by my sleeves. He did this for five minutes, and by then my family had stopped laughing and was able to distract him. I'm now ridiculously anal about sleeve length for this reason.

* This troper doesn't have to hold onto his dogs because they know where to go, but have you ever tried to hold onto a scared ''goat''? That's the difficult one, for me. * Always the case with me and my dog. Oh, and did I mention that said dog is a Scottish terrier? * This troper was 9 or 10 at the time. His uncle asked him to walk his dogs. Guess who walked who? * Last year, this troper's German Shepard/Lab/Collie mix saw a bunny in our neighbor's yard on a walk. I got dragged all the way to the bunnie's front door. Put a cat in a harness on a leash. Add two dogs. My back was mostly healed by morning. * This troper has a dog tries to do this alot. Thankfully, the dog is not too big and I have above average strength (thanks to hauling around a lot of heavy school books 5 days a week for six years) so I can keep him under control just fine. We still have a harness for him to stop him from pulling, I just don't need to use it. * One of this troper's dogs (a mutt named Harry) tries this. Whenever he goes for a walk, he'll tug on the leash extremely hard. He's not very big, so normally the human ends up with a sore arm and Harry nearly strangles himself. But recently, this troper's 6-year-old brother insisted on walking Harry himself. Guuess what happened? [[spoiler: Harry dragged him several yards, then this troper caught up to them and grabbed the leash]]. * This troper has seen too many cases of leash-pulling to mention, and no dog owner should knowingly allow this if they want to keep their dog from becoming a liability. ** This troper's sister was pulled down a flight of stone steps by a leashed Labrador three times her size when she was six. It was, obviously, very painful and very bloody. * [[{{ladycoffee}} This troper]] is the only one strong enough to actually walk the resident dogs on a leash. Everyone else in the family is not that strong anymore for being...well....up in their ages. Okay, you can guess how old this troper is. Still, said dogs must had sleigh dog/workdog breed genes, since even she has no choice but to run along whenever they break out into a run lest she falls down. They're just that strong. * This troper used to walk her neighbor's Golden Retriever/Lab mix. The first time she did, she got shin splints. And in the winter, it was even worse. It was like waterskiing behind him as he darted off after one thing or another, as this troper slipped and slided on the ice. When this troper's little sister took over the job after this troper went to college, said troper had this advice: "Wear comfortable shoes, hold on tight, and pray he doesn't see a squirrel." * [[@/REV6Pilot I]] had a German Shepherd for quite some time, and was usually the one to take her for a stroll. I was a young teenager at the time, and only [[SubvertedTrope subverted this trope]] for two reasons: I was always [[StoutStrength above average in both weight and strength]] and leaned back whenever she charged, which wasn't frequent, thankfully. I also had the presence of mind of holding on to the leash with both hands, and my only fractured collarbone so far came from [[NoodleIncident a mix of one bike, one frozen chicken, one

plastic bag and one manhole]]. * This Troper works at a kennel, and she's met and walked some rather large and energetic dogs. Fortunately, those two usually don't mix. The largest dog she's walked was a mastiff who weighed over 200 pounds, and he was the sweetest, most easygoing thing ever. However, German Shepherds usually cause quite a few problems. There was one incident where I was walking a German Shepherd in the snow, and this dog managed to knock me down and drag me about 5 yards down the frozen trail before I could regain my footing. My co-workers were not amused by these antics, but I was cracking up laughing. * This troper has a Bluetick hound, and while he's not an enormous dog, he's ''really'' strong. I'm fifteen years old and all of five feet tall. He's sixty pounds of pure muscle and will stop at nothing to chase a squirrel or a cat or a raccoon or any smaller animal. You do the math. Fortunately, I have yet to be injured, but all I can say is that I'm glad I never got the idea to let him pull me on my rollerblades. ---Now try to head back to the [[DogWalksYou trope page]] and pray that your dog won't see (or smell) a cat going somewhere else! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DoItYourselfPlumbingProject Ah, [[HopeSpot that wonderful ambition]], immediately before [[DoomItYourself the toilet explodes]]. ---* As this is TruthInTelevision for a great many people, sometimes it's more the circumstances behind the decision. In my case, it was Thanksgiving, and the kitchen sink was mostly stopped. My dad had thrown probably five gallons of drain cleaner down the sink in a vain attempt to get things flowing again, but to no avail-- it was running ''just'' slowly enough to have the cleaner flow past without affecting the blockage. As it happened, it was just that one sink that was clogged, and conveniently enough we knew exactly which pipe in the basement was connected to it. So Dad gets the brilliant idea to cut that section of pipe out and use the plumber's snake from the other end to clear away the sludge. And guess who happens to be home that weekend to help. [[HilarityEnsues Long story short]], I and my sister wound up [[CoveredInGunge covered in something much less pleasant than slime]] once the pipe got cut, but once everything was over that pipe was '''clean'''. * This troper once helped his dad change their water heater. Under their house. It works, though! * This troper's grandfather once attempted to fix his toilet... and for some reason long lost to time, a sledgehammer was involved. To this day, his anguised cry of "GET THE GLUE" remains a family in-joke. * One of this troper's friends had a leaking toilet one day, and decided to try and tighten whatever was leaking. He over did it and broke the toilet, sending water everywhere as he sprinted for the

water shut off (somehow reamaining dry). This troper still brings it up when he tries to fix things. * [[TheWhovianZorker This troper]] managed a slight subversion. Recognizing his inability at all things mechanical, electrical, [[RuleOfThree and]] [[BuffySpeak waterical]], he asked his father for assistance in fixing a leaking hot water faucet handle in the kitchen. Together, they successfully shut off the water valve for the sink, disassembled the faucet handle, put in the replacement part, reassembled everything, turned the water valve back on, and ... hey, presto, no leak! Troper tries to turn the faucet and quickly discovers that it won't turn ... at least not in the correct direction. But if you turn it the other way.... Troper's wife immediately decided that it would be tempting fate for Troper to re-disassemble faucet and attempt the correct orientation of the misaligned part. (Troper now wonders if the amount of water that gushes out EVERY SINGLE TIME he turns it the wrong direction in an attempt to turn it off is more or less than the amount saved by fixing the minimal 24-hour drip. He has a theory, however....) *Being finally fed up with the non stop running toilet in her house this trouper went to go fix it. No problems right? Wrong. Somehow, she managed to break the flow regulator, (which controls the water levels in the toilet) straight in half, and was treated to an indoor fountain show. Oh, and she didn't know how to use the automatic shut of valveor that it even existed for that matter. So, she ran through the house screaming just to have her step-dad turn the shutoff valve off. This trouper has now checked out a book on basic plumbing from the library in hopes of this never happening again. ---...ah, screw it, where's the phone book? Back at Main/DoItYourselfPlumbingProject? Great... ---<<|Main/TroperTales|>>

DoNotCallMePaul * This troper works with people who speak English as a second language, from international students to immigrants, many of whom have adopted English (or other European language) names for whatever reason. A common one is that native English speakers have trouble pronouncing their birth name; others believe it makes them more Canadian and insist on being called that name even by people who share their native language. This is, as one can imagine, a bit of an emotional minefield and this troper has seen arguments erupt between these people and those who think they're betraying their heritage and ancestry by taking on a name more common in their adopted culture. The troper, a native-born Canadian of Scottish/English heritage with a Welsh first name, chooses to stay the hell out of it and calls her students whatever they ask her to. * This sort of counts, but [[{{Surenity}} this troper's]] first name is Suren, and his middle name is the much more American-sounding Michael. I grew up being called Michael by everyone, which at least probably saved me from extra playground teasing if nothing else. But

in my teens I began to identify more with my heritage (it's an Armenian name) and the fact that my grandfather (who died when I was young) had asked my parents that I be named after him, so I decided to start going by Suren. And everyone who met me before I was out of High School still calls me Michael, even though I'm quite sick of that name, and people on my non-Armenian mother's side of the family flatout refuse to call me Suren. * This troper of Russian descent's last name is "Blinkoff", which is pretty funny. Many people derive pleasure from the nickname "Blinky", which I am known to fly into a berserk rage when called. ** This half-Russian troper's last name is Kalashnikov. She managed to force all of her classmates to call her by her first name, but since her homeroom teacher got annoyed at her for writing her mother's surname instead of her own (duh, even my mother wouldn't want to be called Kalashnikov. Especially as an Israeli) on all the tests, she just decided to wait until she's 18 and change it. * I grew up with a rather childish abbreviated version of my given name (which I actually hate), but when I got into college I tried to leave that behind me and have people use my full name - my immediate family can use the nickname (or rather, I can't stop them), but I expect more casual acquaintances to use my ''real'' name. So far so good, right? Then my brother gets engaged and married, and he uses the nickname with his wife when he talks about me. And she uses it in conversations with others, too. Cue a family gathering, where I meet my brother's parents-in-law for the very first time. And these complete strangers shamelessly address me with my hated nickname as though they've known me all my life, and probably thought they were being ''nice!''. No one did understand why I was in such a bad mood that day. * I once knew a friend who insisted on being called 'Jeff' as opposed to 'Jeffrey'. This probably takes the trope to far. * This troper refuses to answer to his birth name, for [[{{Transsexual}} a very good reason]]. He's been known to ask people who the hell they're talking to when they try to address him by anything that isn't his masculine chosen name or gender-neutral nickname, or flat-out ignore them. * This troper has a ridiculously formal given name (Tiberius; what the heck were my folks on?) but refuses to change it out of respect for his late father (also Tiberius). Everyone around him calls him "Ty" (mother, stepfather, teachers, etc.) or "Tibsy". Some of his friends [[{{They Call Me Mister Tibbs}} call him Mister Tibbs]]. * This troper does not care for his first name because of [[MeaningfulName its meaning]] so I usually go by my last name. Also because I feel like I stopped being my first name and became my last name after a while. Basically I will suffer you calling me by my first name if you're: 1. Blood relative, 2. Know me from before 2005, or 3. Were born before 1979. Other than that, you damn well better be using my last name. * This troper has a biblical first name, and absolutely detests that character. I wasn't named after her; it's a family name from my father's side. Still, I was raised Episcopalian and always went to Sunday School. Every time there was a new teacher, they asked if I was

familiar with the story. After the sixth or seventh time, I replied, "Only about a million times and I'm sick of it." It didn't go over well. Finally, I got to high school, and had spent the summer wondering if being at a new school meant I could get away with having people call me by my middle name. Then I walked into Latin class and found four other girls with the same name. Now, only my brother (and my mother sometimes) and people who knew me when I was a baby still address me by my first name. * Massively averted with this troper, whose name *is* Paul... and has no problems with it: it's nice and short and meshes well with my last name, so there. * The tropes hate being called by his name (and it is Paul), not because he hates the name but because his abusive father gave it to him. * This troper's birth name IS Paul, and will actually get angry when called by that or any part of his birth name (first, middle or last). "Paul" is the name of his crack addict wife beating father, who he hasn't seen since he was six and refuses to speak to. The whole thing was legally changed in court, and even after that, prefers his new middle name over his first. ** In fact, it was my brother using this trope to reference me that led me to the site in the first place. * The irony of this trope hasn't been lost on me, my first name is a family name that gets handed down to the first son, who then give it to his first son and then to his first son and so on. I don't like that name so I go by my middle name of, you guessed it: Paul * My friend almost never answers to his first name, always preferring to be referred to as his web alias "Psyniac", or just "Psy". * As early as kindergarten I learned to dislike being called 'Jason' because there were just so many of them in the class and the teachers never had the consideration to specify which one, leading to confusion each and every time. I tried to make a couple nicknames stick with varying success, until I found out that Jason was my middle name, and liked my first name much better. But then I went through this all over again trying to get people to call me by my real name, which was more difficult after switching before. Moving to another school in another state cleared up that problem. * [[SubvertedTrope This troper does not like any of his nicknames. Especially "Will" and "Vilhelm".]] If you do want to call me by a nickname, I'd be happy with Bill. Or just, I don't know...CALL ME BY MY PROPER NAME OF WILLIAM! (Funilly enough, I don't mind the nickname a friend has given me, if only because it has been my nickname from her for over five years and getting her to change it would be futile: "Wills".) * Inverted with [[{{Lucifer210}} this troper]], I don't mind my first name, Luke, at all, or even the common nickname variant, Lukey, but I [[BerserkButton cannot stand]] being called Lucas * This troper had no problem with her name (Isabella) It's unique and a really pretty name (Even if [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Stephenie Meyer named her main character the same thing]] ). My major problem is when people forget that it's spelled with an "a" not an "e" at the end. The "a" is there for a reason, and it ticks me off no end when

people forget that. * [[{{Tropers/Miriri}} I]] refuse to accept my birth name and go by another. Nobody in the real world calls me by it, though. The reason it isn't my troper handle is because [[OneSteveLimit it was already taken]]. * This troper is named after not one, but two abusers. To be fair, only one of said abusers was known to be one at the time, but still... My real name is a constant reminder of how messed up my family is. So yeah, I appreciate it if you don't use it; I've got plenty of nicknames and I honestly don't mind any of them. * This troper has a friend called Papa, which is an artifact nickname from when he was called Papa Smurf because when he was 16 he used to dye his hair blue. This troper has known him for about 10 years, everyone, including his mother calls him Papa, no one except for his mother can remember what his real name was. ---Done with all that? Cool. And, '''hey!''' [[DoNotCallMePaul Don't Call Me "Paul"]], you hear?! ----

DontAnswerThat * This troper was once in a large, early morning class with a professor who was fond of asking rhetorical questions and a student who was equally fond of calling out the answer to them. Many people were very irritated with them both by the end of term. * For this troper, 'rhetorical' has become almost synonymous for 'stupid' because whenever her mother asked a question and was given an answer that left her without a leg to stand on, she would say "That was a rhetorical question" ** That is almost universally the case in this tropers experience, as an actual rhetorical question tends to be obvious or unanswerable. * This troper or his brother repeatedly ask each other "What do you think I am? Stupid?" After a second we say "Don't answer that!" * This troper loves saying things like, "What do you think I am, mad? Don't answer that!" Annoyingly, some people still do answer the question. * This might as well be this tropette's friend's catchphrase. * A few days ago, [[{{FairyDreamer}} this troper]] and her friends were having a conversation at her house and we had this exchange: --> '''Me:''' So what did you tell the guy after he left you the note? --> '''Friend 1:''' I told him to leave me alone for the hundredth time! --> '''Friend 2:''' And what did he say? --> '''Friend 1:''' He said not until I go out with him. --> '''Friend 2:''' So why don't you just go out with him one time to get him off your back? --> '''Friend 1:''' He's a drug-dealing gangster! Do you really think I'm stupid enough to go out with someone like that? --> '''Friend 2:''' ''(jokingly)'' Well, uh... --> '''Me:''' ''(seriously)'' Don't answer that! ----

<<|TroperTales|>>

DontBeRidiculous [[redirect:TroperTales/{{Ptitleit2ozpui}}]]

DontExplainTheJoke * This troper's friend always kills my jokes by adding on to the joke in a way it wasn't originally intended,thus ruining the joke. Pretty soon I'm going to start calling her Buzz Killington. * If it's possible to kill a joke by explaining it, then [[RedneckRocker my]] brother is CharlesStarkweather. [[SarcasmMode Get it? By comparing my brother to one of the worst events of the 20th century, I'm saying that he sucks at comedy!!]] * This thread, beginning with post 102. [[http://mb.srb2.org/showthread.php?t=31225&page=6]] * So this one time, I was on the main page for DontExplainTheJoke, and added that an overly long gag was funny because the writer obviously knew that it was HypocriticalHumor thanks to the link, but extended the joke beyond being funny anyway as a way to [[CrossingTheLineTwice Cross The Line Twice]]. Hopefully I-the-writer will have already been shot on-page, either with an arrow as part of the {{Discworld}} RunningGag or... * {{facepalm}}* [[DontExplainTheJoke Never]] [[HypocriticalHumor mind]]... Gah! I can't stop! ...But anyway, [[@/JET73L This Troper]] doesn't usually explain jokes in real life. His favorite way of seeing someone get an IncrediblyLamePun is to wait for the inevitable pause, groan, and/or FacePalm, which often comes in the middle of a sentence, and allow a painfully fake-innocent SmugSnake smile to take over my face as they groan about it. * This Troper takes great pride in explaining jokes among friends, generally in the form of, "Ahahaha! It's funny because..." Surprisingly, the group has laughed at every explanation so far, though this may be because of the popularity of a [[YugiohTheAbridgedSeries Certain web show.]] * This troper's friend does this a lot. Usually she's funny in her own right, but on the occasions when someone makes a joke before she can, we get this: ** FRIEND: (when we're watching ''Labyrinth'') ...Those hands are holding on ''awfully tight'', there. ** FRIEND IN QUESTION: Haha, yeah, it's like a ''[[RapeAsComedy rape tunnel]]''! ** FRIEND: ...Thanks, that was what I was getting at. * This troper has a friend who, whenever this troper makes a joke or does something remotely funny, invariably responds with, "Haha, I love the way you [thing this troper just did, seconds earlier]." It may as well be his catch phrase. * This troper likes to do a fake variant of these, where I say something funny, and then explain why it's funny in a manner that has nothing to do with anything, or is blatantly untrue. I.E.: "It's funny because of that time we all went to Poland and made them think Germany

was invading again." ** This troper also likes to explain really simple/obvious jokes, and then insinuate that the other party would have been too stupid to understand it otherwise. * This troper actually had a high school English teacher who became funnier by the way he explained his highly unfunny jokes. * Once, back in middle school, my friend was pretending to orgasm in our chem class. The rest of us all laughed at him until I shouted "you sound like you're orgasming". I got detention for explaining the joke. * Not sure if it s an example of this trope, but [[@/{{T-Jack}} this troper]] found that a good way to explain a joke without killing it (in case someone doesn't get it) is to just drop small hints and let the listeners figure it out themselves. On the other hand, his father obviously doesn't know jack about humor. He has killed numerous jokes by explaining them and generally talking about the punchline. The troper isn't sure whether he's doing it on purpose or whether he's really that stupid, though he thinks it's the latter. ** Ugh, seconded. My dad always needs to explain the jokes I make. Drives me nuts. * [[@/DarkInsanity13 This troper]] knew someone that had a habit of doing this on the regular basis. Most people didn't comment on it, but she remembers saying "don't explain the joke, Surge" at least once. * This troper has a friend who adds "it's funny because it's true" to almost everything she finds funny. This moved beyond explaining the joke when she started doing it to humour that was blatantly false, such as jokes starring fire-breathing dragons. * There was a moment with [[@/{{Quillpaw}} this troper's]] roleplay that triggered this. [[Left4Dead The Infected]] had gotten inside the hotel the characters were staying in, and there was a particular Hunter that kept attacking one character over and over and was constantly escaping through the air ducts. After another character locked it in a closet, he remarked "I guess it had it's eye on you...". In ooc, I remarked "See, it's funny because Hunters have no eyes!" while linking back to this trope. * This troper has an ex whose father would go on such a long winded explanatory rant during the middle of his jokes that by the time he actually got around to making them, they were long dead. Then he explained why it was funny afterward. * This troper once used this trope as a flirting technique. I was having a flirtatious conversation with a guy (I am also a guy by the way) at a party, and at one point he mentioned that clearly I was Jewish. I said I was not, and added "I can prove it". I waited a second for the joke to sink in and upon getting no reaction, added in a slightly quieter voice "That was a reference to my penis." I don't think he got the Dr. Horrible reference, but on the upside I did get his number. * When I watch Smallville with my Dad, I usually do this sarcastically in regards to the large amount of Superman References, such as "See, that's funny because he'll become Superman one day.". * This troper had an experience in which an explanation of the joke was explained, in way, like so: (Whether or not it's actually funny is up to you, as there's no guarantee that we were sober at the time of

the incident.) ** Some Guy (Guy 1): [some remark about how his penis was so hard it could pierce through wood] ** This Troper: "Your penis couldn't pierce through a piece of tissue when it's hard. ** Another Guy (Guy 3): (pause) "That would mean it's smaller than a penny" (pause again) "when it's flat." ** Guy 4: "Normally when you explain a joke it kills it, but this time it actually made it funnier! * This troper had a friend who tended to reply to jokes with (genuinely seriously) "That's funny". While not technically explaining the joke, it comes close... * This troper once made a piece of Madlibs [[CrackFic crack]] fiction, which she then posted on DeviantArt. She got [[http://comments.deviantart.com/1/166481220/1613832293 this]] response, prompting this troper to explain the joke. (The troper is TsuraraUzumaki, by the way.) ** Haha, reminds me of the YouTube comments on Weird Al's "Trapped in the Drive-Thru" complaining that the song is so long. * My Teacher always tries to make some sorta joke. If no one laughs, he starts going "you know, because..." ** I think pretty much everyone has had a teacher like that before. ...This troper knows. * This troper owns a shirt that reads "Trust me. I'm in college". This was all fine and dandy until the day I met a guy who thought the proper response was "Haha! More like, ''dis''trust me, I'm in college!" * This troper has a friend who manages to pull this off for humour. Maybe it's her ridiculous charisma, or the tone of voice she does it in. Hell, often her explanation is funnier than the actual joke. * This troper made a joke referring to playing as a guitarist named Eleven when doing the song 'Paralyzer' on Guitar Hero. His friend then blurts out "There must be a joke about Finger Eleven in there somewhere". This troper quoted the Family Guy line: "Thank you (name), that was the joke". * One of this Troper's favorite activites whilst watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Generally done in the format of, "Ha! It is funny because [recap whatever just happened in the video]!" * "And the tappercorn comes in the niiiiiiiiiight" There is so much background information behind this one that if you don't already know at least 3/4 of it before I start explaining it, you will be bored to sleep before I get around to the punch line. But trust me. It is hilarious. * Recently, this troper was watching ''ForrestGump'' with her family. Throughout the first twenty minutes or so, my mom would not rest until she explained to me ''every. Single. Joke!'' I was starting to get really annoyed with it, and my cries of, "Mom, I get it!" were doing nothing to help. When we got to the part where [[TheGump Forrest teaches Elvis his most famous dance move]], she started to tell me, "See, honey, it's funny because..." My mouth was full of pizza at the time, so I cut her off by sticking my hand in her face and going, "Mmph! Mmph! *Swallow* Mom! ''I already got the joke''!" Mom replied

(over my dad's roaring laughter) that I "was not showing enough emotion." I was very indignant. (Of course, if it hadn't been for TvTropes, I would not have gotten the joke in the first place.) * Memorable exchange between me and my sister: --> Sister: What happen to that fly I saw buzzing around earlier? --> '''Me:''' Oh. I took care of it, [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean if you know what I mean.]] I handle the problem, if you get what I'm saying. I--> '''Sister''': Okay, I get it--> '''Me:''' [[DownerEnding -killed it.]] --> '''Sister:''' (eyeroll) * This Troper explains jokes that are obvious for laughs, even if it's for his own amusement. get it, because it's obvious what the joke is? * This. Troper's. Mother. I can't get through a damn episode of the ''ColbertReport'' without her trying to explain every single cultural reference. I actually straight out tell her "[[DontExplainTheJoke to not explain it, because it'll ruin it]]" and she ''still'' does it. * From my drama class: -->'''Teacher''': And... Ashton? You want to play [[AMidSummerNightsDream Bottom]]... you're definitely ''sitting'' on that one? Haha, get it? Bottom? Sitting? --> '''Boy''': (rolls eyes) Oh, man, this is going to be the [[IncrediblyLamePun butt]] of all our jokes for the rest of the year. * A couple of annoying experiences: ** I'm watching the ''{{Futurama}}'' episode "The Mutants are Revolting". In the scene where Morris offers Leela "some more of what looks like lemonade," my housemate next to me told me what it probably was. Annoyed, I said to him... well, you can guess. ** Same deal when I was watching ''PiratesOfTheCaribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl'' with my cousin. In the scene where Gibbs gets away with the Black Pearl and Ragetti yells at him "''Bloody Pirates!''" My cousin points out that he ''is'' a pirate, and I gave the obvious reply. Go back to the [[DontExplainTheJoke main article]] so you can see more explanations for more jokes that don't need explanation. Get it?

<<|TroperTales|>>

DontLikeDontRead [[redirect:TroperTales/{{ptitlej4vq9mgmlvmg}}]]

DontMakeMeTakeMyBeltOff * In highschool, a boy in my class and I were acting out a certain scene from ''TheCrucible'' where a husband threatens to chastise his wife(played by me). The guy playing my husband added a little "flair" to the role by yanking off his belt in one movement and holding it menacingly. It was pretty startling for me as I hadn't expected it, and made me jump. He didn't hit me though. * My father once hung up a belt in my sister's and my living room. You

know, just in case. ---You'd better get back to the main page right now! [[DontMakeMeTakeMyBeltOff Don't Make Me Take My Belt Off!]]

DontRestYourHead I recently began running a game of this with a few of my friends. Within the first session, one of my players had traded away the memory of loving his mother for a handgun. I didn't tell him that this was rather stupid until an hour later.

DontSaySuchStupidThings [[redirect:{{TroperTales/ptitlek9rcf846o3co}}]]

DontYouDarePityMe * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]], according to family and friends, suffers from an acute case of this. He's always [[IllBoy suffered from many lung-related illnesses {I was in the hospital 3 days this week alone because of a second bout of pneumonia}]]. However, he prefers to keep it to himself as much as possible and prefered to not tell anyone. Honestly, he hates pity. I don't want it. Keep it to yourself. To his chagrin, his sister tries to [[TheWoobie Woobify]] him. It's extremely annoying.

DoomedNewClothes * This troper has done this with a brand new pair of pants and gum that someone left in a seat on the bus. * And this troper did it with a pair of new jeans and some hydrochloric acid in the Chemistry lab. ** This troper, to his eternal shame, has never been in lab accident yet. Do safety showers feel nice? * At five years old, T.T. was ever so proud to wear her brand-new, already-favorite red-and-white Dalmatian-puppy jacket with the fireman pants to school... and got pushed in a mud puddle by a mean girl. Oh, and it was on ''school picture day.'' * On the last day of her senior year of high school, this troper wore a brand-new dress that she had bought for Easter of that year. The end of the day saw her drenched head to toe, in front of most of her graduating class, by a cooler of water dumped on her by a jock. But it was just water, right? The dress was ''[[WetSariScene white]]''.

DoomItYourself * This troper needed to tighten up the cap on his car battery. Simple, right? Not when the socket wrench sparks and starts a kriffing ''electrical fire''. It was put out quickly, thank God, but the car is in the shop.

* NeoSilverThorn: My high school's science classes are trope codifiers. There's regularly small explosions and fires in the science building. Also crosses with [[NoOSHACompliance No OSHA Compliance]] because the chem lab's gas is regularly left on, a majority of the more dangerous substances are stored improperly, and the staff is neigh-incapable of following the common-sense safety guidelines. * If you knew me, you'd be shocked to find a SUBVERSION in my history. I built my own treehouse, complete with ladder, floor, fences, walls and even a castle wall around the surrounding area. My mom thought I'd kill myself by using. [[spoiler:It is now a paintball arena, and it is AWESOME!.]] * This troper still likes to tell the story of how he nearly poisoned himself with (nonpoisonous) Freon gas while cutting away an old air conditioner, and that's not mentioning the beehive. As of this writing there is still a gigantic, very recently-emptied beehive visible through a rather large hole in the wall where the AC unit used to be. * {{Subverted}} in that this troper's dad ''is'' a professional electrician. * One of my mother's favorite stories is as follows: One day, her father noted to her that she should probably change her spark plugs, and volunteered to do it. She insisted that he take it to a mechanic instead. Well, she gets home from work (she had a ride), and notices a pair of jean - clad legs poking out from under the hood of her car. He clambers out, slams the hood, and grins at her. "It's done!" he said. It turns out he took them all out at the same time, and didn't bother keeping track of which cable when where. When she tried to start it up, it would only fire about one time in six, and wouldn't go above four or five miles an hour. It took them an hour to get to the closest mechanic to get it fixed properly. ** Oh, and then there was the day her father decided to fix a minor leak in the kitchen. Needless to say, he messed up dramatically, called a plumber, and then rushed to get it all cleaned up before his wife and daughter came back from a day long shopping trip. All would have been well, except his wife (aka Grandma) noticed the fruit in the bowl in the center of the table were floating. When pressed, he simply pointed to a certain spot of the kitchen floor, and said, "Did you know THAT is the lowest part of the kitchen floor?" They ended up taking his tools away from him. * This troper has two long-haired cats. They need to have their butts shaved regularly to prevent [[{{Squick}} caked-on poo]] from building up. My oh-so-brilliant mother decided for whatever reason to trim the boy cat herself. Several stitches and a massive vet fee later, he is trying to ditch his [[{{Up}} cone of shame]], his sister won't go near him because he smells like the vet, and Mom has learned a [[AnAesop valuable lesson]] about cats and scissors: [[CaptainObvious they don't mix]]. ---I'll just put the DoomItYourself link here, and -- OhCrap! *[[StuffBlowingUp KABOOM]]*

<<|LaconicWiki|>>

DoomyDoomsOfDoom * This troper and her two friends made a short animation in high school...about a mad scientist obsessed with being evil and his [[OnlySaneMan Only Sane Woman assistant.]] The scientist recently created a computer OF DOOM that would "be glorious, and evil, and spread ''doooom.''" The computer itself had what it itself called the "Doom Interface," and prior to that, the scientist brought a rock to awareness and called it the "Doom Rock!" ...it didn't end well. * This troper has a tendency to jokingly refer to various things as "the X of doom." * This troper once wrote a story where one of the characters was named [[ParodySue Marie Suzanne]] [[OfDoom O'Doome]]. * This troper had named her junior high homeroom hallway as the "Magical Hallway of Doom." * This troper used to enjoy playing a game like this in elementary school, seeing how many times they could fit the word "Doom" into a sentence. * This troper loves to imitate {{Doctor Doom}}. So when I heard him for the first time in {{Marvel vs Capom 3}}, I wanted to impersonate him right away. I did, and this is the best piece he has said that I have imitated: [[ThisCannotBe FAILURE IS BENEATH]] [[DoomyDoomsOfDoom DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!]] Needless to say, it was hilarious.

DoorOfDoom * This troper once went to a Taco Bell. While waiting for my order, I could see into the "Employees Only" section where the people made the food. On the far wall, there was a large metal door that had a multitude of warning labels such as (There may be slight exaggeration) "Do not enter without turning on the lights, do not enter alone, do not open at night," and so on. Whether or not it was a true DoorOfDoom is unclear, but it definitely brought the trope to mind.

DoorstopBaby * Somebody in [[MightyJAK This troper's]] neighborhood must have heard of his fondness for old video games. One day ThisTroper came home from work to find a box anonymously left at his front door containing a {{Colecovision}} and nearly 20 games. The parallels to this trope were eerie. * Cute subversion of this trope for [[{{MiraShio}} me]]: A cat gave birth to three kittens in our garden nearly five years ago, then took one of them away later. She never came back for the other two, so my brother decided to adopt the kitties--despite being the owner of two perfectly alive hamsters at the time. ** A similar feline take on this trope happened to this troper's aunt. She lives out in the country and one day one of the cats from the neighboring farm led her kittens across the fields to my aunt's house and left them. My aunt, an animal lover through and through, took them

in. * One of my cousins is a Doorstop Baby. My aunt and uncle were living in Lebanon for a year, and while they were there one of the locals dropped him off on their doorstep. After the Lebanese authorities determined that they couldn't identify the mother, they decided to adopt him. * This Troper's DM has told her that her current D&D character was a DoorstopBaby. Considering [[MagnificentBastard this DM's]] [[ParanoiaFuel current track record]], I am very wary of [[LukeIAmYourFather what this might end up leading to]]. ** And the DM is here to insert a quick [[EvilLaugh cackle]] and say "Just as planned!" * This troper's great grandfather was a Doorstop Baby, and her last name is actually the name of the church whose door he was stopping. ---We'll just leave this link to DoorstopBaby here. We're sure you'll take good care of it.

Doorstopper * On my first day of work, I get to my desk, all happy and gleeful after my Human Resources orientation. My boss has left me an email to get the box out of his office and review what was inside. I ask his assistant which box. She points to a huge case. I lug it over to my desk, open it up with my pocketknife, and find only two documents in there. The first is the first 2500 pages of a specification document. The second is the second 2000 pages of that same specification. Taped to the inside of the lid is a CD jewel case. This CD has a PDF of the documents. The 4500 pages were promptly used as a doorstop for the broken security door next to my cubicle. ''Apparently these documents are standard practice in the construction industry. They are held together by seven inch long bolts, being too large for binders.'' ** what in Thoth's name needs ''4500 pages of specification?'' *** It isn't that surprising. I'm working on my certification in construction management, and the biggest thing I've learned is that nothing is ever, EVER as simple or straightforward as you think, especially in construction. Every individual piece that goes into a building, from complex machinery to a single nail holding everything together, is cataloged and described. There's also plans, specific details that need attention, laws and regulations that you need abide by if you want to even start on a project... It just goes on and on. 4500 pages is SMALL for a construction project spec document. * This troper, about eight years ago, was helping her dad print out and arrange a manual for the program [=AutoCad=] 2000. The manual was so huge that it ended up being about 800 pages and fit only into (IIRC) a binder that was about four inches thick. * ThisTroper often wonders if the combined total of all the articles on Tvtropes can be considered a Doorstopper. Then he's realized: It's [[TvtropesWillRuinYourLife Tvtropes.]] ** TvTropes could function as the door itself, let alone a Doorstopper. * Once, in response to comments from classmates on the size of a book

of poetry this troper brought to school to read in the time left over after finishing state tests, she said, "It's not that big. It's only oh. 836 pages." Granted, you mostly don't read poetry books or other anthologies straight through, and this troper wouldn't want to (except with standard-novel -size short story collections by a single author). 500 pages is quite a nice size for a novel, though. * This Troper loves Doorstoppers. The thicker the book, the more 'it must be mine'. Of course there are some doorstoppers that I have never finished, including the 'Lord of the Rings' and 'The complete writings of Sigmund Freud' (which I was required to buy and read for a Literature class). At some point I am going to read War and Peace, just not yet. ** [[FourtyTwoHz This troper]] has a crush for technical/science/reference Doorstoppers. Integral tables? Large catalogs? Dictionaries? He falls in love instantly. He can spend hours just browsing through them. * This Troper read the entire "Unabridged and Uncut" verison of Stephen King's "The Stand" when she was a junior in high school (and LOVED THE CRAP OUT OF IT, by the way). The mere fact that her school's library even ''carried'' such a doorstopper of a book surprised her. Of course, lugging that thing around from class to class didn't surprise her classmates, them having watched the books she was reading (all Stephen King) grow thicker and thicker and thicker throughout her sophomore through senior years... ** Pfft! I read it in 5TH GRADE! (I'm in 6th) Now I'm reading ''Under the Dome'' AND ''It''. *** *SarcasticClapping* Good for you. **** Read both "The Stand" and "Under the Dome" as a sophomore in high school. Took about a week each. * I was made to read James Michener's ''Centennial'' in high school. Great read, but over a thousand pages. I still own my own copy, but whenever I read it I just chuck out entire passages. Seriously, who needs to read a few hundred pages of the geological and biological evolution of northern Colorado? Not me! * This troper once had two Norton Anthologies in her backpack. She never did that again. * DialgaX once placed his two completed ''[=~Darwin's Soldiers~=]'' [=RPs=] on Word. The number of pages stopped at around 700. ''The Insane Cafe 3: The Curse of the Haunted Hotel'' RP peaked at ''over 2000'' pages and was roughly at the halfway point. * This troper enjoyed frightening first year philosophy students by pulling out her copy of The Critique of Pure Reason. "And that's what you'll have to read in third year!" Those who had already had some experience with Kant, aka The Philosopher Who Can't Be Skimmed, actually whimpered. * '''''The Banks Of The Boyne'''''. This Troper was a bibliophile/library-holic/whatever you want to call a reading addict. She managed to finish ''The Pilgrim's Progress'', ''Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire'', and the entire ''ChroniclesOfNarnia'' in two days, and has an average reading speed of 3-4 pages per minute. She spent a '''''week''''' on ''The Banks Of The Boyne'' before deciding that it was no longer worth the effort. (The book is also extremely

[[MindScrew confusing to read]], which was part of the issue, but it was also HUGE.) * This troper loves Doorstoppers because of the way you can read and re-read them and still find things you missed, whether it's neat descriptive passages or making sense of connections you hadn't seen before. Case in point: I'm currently partway through reading ''Lord of the Rings'' for the '''fifteenth''' time and it's still rewarding. So I've saved myself the cost of fourteen new novels. ** Also, novels ''have'' to be long to explore characters and relationships and their enormous complexity in the depth they deserve. I read ''Remembrance of Things Past'' in high school and would still say it's the best novel I've ever read. * This troper had a devoutly Protestant housemate who held some fairly strident anti-Catholic views. Among them was that everything the Pope says is considered [[TheBible Biblical canon]]. This is... not true. If it were, however, and were to contain (at a minimum) all Papal Encyclicals, it would likely require a forklift to read the full Catholic Bible. ** Considering the size of some Bibles ''alone'', this Catholic troper thinks a forklift might not be enough if you count the Encyclicals, the Cathechism, ''and'' the Code of Canon Law. * Taking "The World's Largest Dungeon" (an 800 page Dungeons and Dragons adventure) as a challenge, this troper went out and, over the course of several years made his own Dungeon Adventure that is currently 1162 pages in Word Perfect format, and I'm still adding to it. * My (rather funny) ROTC teacher once mocked students' lack of studying by suggesting alternative uses for the textbook (which was average-size for a textbook), one of them literally being [[TropeNamer using it as a doorstop]]. * [[Tropers/{{choir}} This Troper]] is a known DoorStopper lover. As a middle schooler, the unabridged The Stand was an easy read, and so was TheMistsOfAvalon. [[DoorStopper Door Stoppers]] are pretty much the only books long enough to last more than a few hours. * This Troper recently decided to try reading ''The Subspace Emissary's World's Conquest'' and considering that the school I go to blocks any sites with forums, I decided to save it on my flash drive at home to read it at school during my spare time. I only have 102 chapters copied of it so far, and it had to be split into three files and it took up nearly 9 ''megs of space''. By the looks of it, once the fic is completed, it would take ''50 to 60 megs of space''. Just to put it in perspective, the first 100 chapters took up nearly 900 pages on Microsoft Works Word Processor ''on size 8 font''. * A favourite of [[Tropers/Serperoth this troper]]. He considers any book shorter than 400 pages to be on the short side. A love for Stephen King and Antony Beevor has led to him reading nothing but DoorStoppers for the past year or so... * [[{{Tropers/Ventisia}} This Troper]] loves to read; DoorStopper books are no large (haha, punny) obstacle. Yesterday evening I bought the Azumanga Daioh omnibus (mentioned in the main article). Finished it this morning, all 700 or so pages! Also, got through Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the day after I got it. I go through a book

quickly if it really catches my interest. * One of the only reasons this troper got a nook is because she didn't want to waist two boxes taking her Harry Potter volumes with her to college in a few years... * How many other tropers can claim to have read IT in a week which you were only reading at night due to being busy and read the first half in the first night? [[spoiler: The reason I didn't finish it in two days was because I was reading a lot of H P Lovecraft at the same time: I've got a book of a large portion of his writing which I've only not finished reading after owning it for nearly a year because I keep re-reading the same stories I've already read, which is an honest first for me: I love it so much I can't bring myself to completely read it.]] * This troper looks at doorstoppers the way most people look at a cake shop window. If I were to name a few, then those would be: my middle school Italian grammar book, of exactly eight hundreds pages. Yes, that book was intended to follow us for three whole years, but a middle school level textbook 800 pages long is a little too much in my opinion; the paper was ultra-thin and the cover was also of thin plastic, practically nonexistent, and the damn thing still weighted at least 2 kg(1 pound = 0.45359237 kilograms). AND, my Italian illustrated two volumes dictionary. I won't bother telling you the number of pages, just that it weights 5 kilograms. Each volume does, that is. ---Go back to [[DoorStopper Door Sto]]--HOLY CRAP, THE MAIN ARTICLE IS HUGE!! It's like half the internets died to make that! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

Doppelganger * This Troper has a best friend (a tall, thin white guy with a blond afro) that is dating another best friend with more than a passing resemblance to herself (the both of us are thin, very busty, articulate black girls with glasses and an affinity for the color pink). After introducing said guy to TvTropes, he now refers to me as the highschool expy of his girlfriend. Most everyone else just calls us the "Alpha" and "Beta" models of each other. * [[WhiteRoseDuelist This Troper]] is short, a little chubby, a lot geeky and has black hair and a beard. An ex-girlfriend eventually married someone who was short, a little chubby, a lot geeky and has black hair and a beard. ThisTroper's wife's first comment, after meeting the groom for the first time, was "Does he remind you a lot of you?" * All my friends insist that I'm a {{Doppelganger}} of Sheska from {{Fullmetal Alchemist}}. * I am from South Dakota, and I met my doppelganger in Idaho. How many geeky blonde tall girls are there out there? ** This same troper's mom was friends with a military officer who was [[AllLoveIsUnrequited hopelessly in love with her]] (as in this

troper's mom), but who ended up marrying a woman who looked a lot like her (again, this troper's mom). * {{Radioactive Zombie}}'s history teacher was a fat, liberal-voting, nice (though snarky) woman, and having a confusing last name (and doesn't like being called "ma'am). His English teacher is the same, aside from the former using a cane to the latter using a wheelchair, the last name being pronounceable in the latter's case, and having different backgrounds (though both are from Europe). Oh, and having the same voice, and both hated by unscrupulous students. * This fat, blond, awkward, male troper has been accused of being an {{Doppelganger}} of Chris Griffin from FamilyGuy by not one, but two people! * This troper has a doppelganger who got him blamed for stealing a wallet. Oddly enough, he has never met this doppelganger face to face. * This troper once went on a tour of Alcatraz Island with her father, sister, and grandparents. Her mother was supposed to come along too, but couldn't, so we had an extra ticket. We adopted another person into our group, because she had forgotten her ticket. She looked almost exactly like my absent mother. We have a picture. * This troper met the woman who would later become my sister in law because I was a doppelganger for her best friend and she mistook me for her at a local geek hang-out. Fun part me and the future sister in law have the same first name. * This troper knows a girl named Bella who looks almost literally exactly like her. The only difference we could fine was in height. Bella's a few inches taller. * This troper went to high school with a guy who people kept assuming was related to me, mostly because he looked like my younger aged clone, seriously. I never even spoke to the guy it creeped me out so much. Then he follows me to University. In hind-sight I should have said "I am you from the future, come back to warn you. Don't cut the green wire, oh and be nicer to mum. I must go now..." But I was too focused on the CloningBlues possibility. And no I'm no more insane than the rest of you... my EvilTwin OTOH... * Before the HarryPotter movies began to come out, [[PigCatapult this troper]] was constantly besieged by random people asking "Hey, did you know that you look ''just like'' Hermione Granger?" In middle school, I was better-known as "the girl who looks like Hermione Granger" than my real name, to the point where people who didn't know my name would call out "Hermione" to get my attention, and ''it would work''. ** Are you me? Except I resembled Hermione in personality as well. And I apparently still do, as someone I met recently said that I was really like Hermione. I do an excellent impression. "Now, ''if'' you don't mind, ''I'm'' going to bed, before you two come up with another clever idea to get us all killed. Or worse, ''expelled''! And I just typed that from memory, despite not having done it for years. * In a similar vein, when the HarryPotter movies started coming out, the lunch ladies started saying I looked like "that Harry Potter kid." Some of my friends (and not-quite-friends) joked that I should get round glasses like him just to complete the image (I wore rectangular glasses at the time). This tapered off around the time I got contacts, and now, in college, my friends say they can't figure out how I was

ever mistaken for Daniel Radcliffe... ** I've also met people who used to point out that I looked just like Harry Potter - and who wanted to replace my rectangular glasses with round ones. The resemblance was actually first pointed out to me by my first girlfriend (who happened to be a Harry Potter fanatic). Apparently, it was one of the reasons she was attracted to me in the first place. What makes it weirder is that she looked just like Hermione Granger, and one of our mutual friends looked just like Ron Weasely... It also didn't help much that we all had relatively British accents - in South Africa, where they're not at all that common. Anyway, none of us still look like we did back then - her and I have changed our hairstyles, and our mutual friend has dyed his hair black, plus we've all grown-up in appearance. * This troper had a waiter once who looked ''exactly'' like a family friend of hers. Only the waiter was in Paris, the family friend was in New York, and only one of them was Asian. She doesn't know either. * This troper has... An odd case. While his mother was in Greece with her side of the family, they went on a train- and discovered a teenager who looked EXACTLY LIKE THE TROPER. Except with black hair and brown eyes. They took a picture of him, and put it next to one of me. Exactly the same. I have found my legitimate doppelganger, and I do not know his name. ** Something like that happened to my grandpa when he traveled to Japan in the 60's and a lady took him to her home because he looked exactly like her dead husband and, she thought, it was a good message from the dead. Funny part? Gramps is completely Venezuelan, but everybody have always mistook him with an asian (even some random chinese guys, but that's another history...) * [[@/PentiumMMX2 This troper]] met his doppelganger at church one time. He looked like a skinnier version of myself (Everything else was identical; we often joked about how we where SeparatedAtBirth), and we where both quite nerdy; both of us knowing many DOS commands by heart, among other things. We where good friends, and did have enough of a contrast to tell each other apart; while I had gotten to where I tried to stay out of trouble as much as possible, he had a love for causing trouble and dragging me along just for the fun of it. However, our long friendship ended after an argument that started when I mentioned wanting a Gamecube (He tried to talk me into buying an Xbox; not for the games, but because he could somehow turn it into a functional Tivo). * This troper's cousin before passing our puberty. Oh boy, there was a time when I couldn't see her pictures without trying to remember for a while 'when did I took this photo?' * This troper met a girl named Heidi who looked nearly identical to a former schoolmate of the same name. She assured me she wasn't the same. * This troper's family insists they spotted hers while on a trip to Cedar Point, saying even clothing style was eerily similar. She doesn't remember managing to spot this girl, but kind of wishes she did. * This troper has, on two occasions, met his exact African double. * This Troper's sister and her friend look identical!

* The new girl at this troper's old job looked just like her. Customers would ask if we were twins. The freaky part is our dads turned out to work for the same company. * In this troper's family, babies are all born with the same facial structure. Because of this, my baby cousin looks exactly like another baby from a family photo that was taken 80 years ago. * One friend of mine, Juliann, looks very similar to another named Kristina. Just their hair color and skin tone are different (the latter is [[AmbiguouslyBrown Armenian]]). ** Jessica Martin, the voice of Samus Aran in the latest ''{{Metroid}}'' game, is a dead ringer for a friend of this troper's named Serena. ** I've seen [[NamesTheSame two women named Gina Russell]] on Facebook, who are the same age, are both from Seattle, and look eerily similar. * My older sister found a picture that looks exactly like my Mom, if she was a British bald punk. * There's a friend of mine that is constantly being talked to by a cult leader because she looks exactly the same as someone in his group. * This is a ''very'' extreme example. I was in Disney World, in Disney's Hollywood Studios a month ago, and was walking up to Star Tours. Then this little boy was running over to it. He was this cute, maybe nine or ten-year-old boy with brown hair, freckles, mediumhight, a little chubby, and he was wearing a red baseball hat, a white t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, and a green hoodie. I got a bit of a closer look at him when we were both right at the Star Tours attraction (which turned out to be closed for renovation), saw that he looked like a certain kid from ''{{Recess}}'', and was thinking, ''Hey, this boy kinda looks like...'', and then I heard his mom say, "T.J.! Come on! You wanted to see MuppetVision, right?". I was standing there speachless, and I think I just about fainted. * Does this work for cars, too? This troper's brother drives a 1996 white Ford Ranger pickup truck with a silver hatched toolbox in the back and a John Deere license plate on the front. When we moved to a town four states away, we started to regularly see... a white '96 Ranger with a silver hatched toolbox and a John Deere license plate. * In Japan, my dad (who's Chinese) met a man that he says looked exactly like his father-- he even had the same habit of scratching at his elbows. Then the man showed him a picture of his son. Anyone want to take a stab at who ''he'' happened to look like? ---Go back to {{Doppelganger}}, unless you think this might be the original page. <<|TroperTales|>>

DoppelgangerSpin This Troper was once running a followspot during a performance of the Flying Karamazov Brothers. During one of the later numbers I was

tasked with keeping my followspot on one of the jugglers as they told a story. This job became difficult when, ''without warning'' two other guys in identical costumes ran on stage and joined the main character in running around in a circle.

DorkAge * This troper thinks ''{{Survivor}}'' had two. There was the ''Marquesas'' to ''Amazon'' range where they had a bunch of dull or dislikable players, then recovered. But then they went back in 2009 with ''Tocantins''. The reason? The producers or the editors developed a freaking ''boner'' for a player and would ''only'' show that player. I get that you love Coach, Russell, Rob, Russell, Rob, Phillip, and still Rob...now let me see the ''other'' players of the season, please. There was a brief break from the DorkAge that brought back a great season...''Nicaragua''. * This troper believes TheSimpsons underwent one curiously enough around the same time he did,from about 2003-2007 [although Season 20 came a year after high school began]. As Lisa became TheWesley more and more,Marge started floating away from Earth,Homer became a buffoon and the plots became more nonsensical,this troper left good old Elementary School thanks to ExecutiveMeddling [which in this case was my mother] and was home schooled for two years in which nothing memorable happened just like Seasons 15 and 16.After two years worth of mom attempting to teach came Catholic School where everybody TookALevelInJerkass,the schedules were wonky,there wasn't a single ReasonableAuthorityFigure because A) Said Authority Figure was a CloudCuckooLander or B) a Jerkass.The Simpsons seasons 17-19 were like that to

DoubleAesop * [[{{Ambar}} This troper]]'s family prides itself on logic, and so it often happens that when I [[CallingTheOldManOut explain to my mother]] (or [[OlderAndWiser vice versa]]) what I don't like about her behavior, in clarifying what I don't like I realize I do the same thing. ---- Why are you still here when you can go back to {{Double Aesop}}? For that matter, why am I? ---- <<|TroperTales|>>

DoubleEntendre Being on top really hits the spot. Insert your DoubleEntendre here! (Heh, heh... "insert.") ---* [[SwiftStrike This troper]] and his [[HoYay best friend]] managed to hold a forty minute-long conversation made of nothing double entendre

on the back seat of our bus home. It basically involved me remarking on him "going to fast"; telling him that if he keeps doing that "he's gonna explode!"; and demanding he "must teach me that technique!". The source of the conversation? His attempts at the ipod game Vortex. Much laughter could be heard down the aisle. * [[TvTropesWillRuinYourLife This Tropette has been yelled at by her parents by being too "perverted" for her ability to discuss these at length]], and whenever her male friends say "fuck you" to her, she says "your house or mine?" * Take a French song. Replace all instances of "aimer" (to love) with "baiser" (to fuck). Have fun. * In French, playing pool involves all kinds of vocabulary that sounds right out of a porno movie. I mean, pushing balls into holes with the French slang for penis? Sheesh. * This troper and his GF once had a very interesting conversation. ->Me:"What's your favorite pokemon?" ->Her:"I guess it would have to be Onix. I like rock types but he's also a snake so he really appeals to me. Plus he can use harden which makes it almost impossible to defeat him." ->ME:"Really?(said with a suppressed laugh) Considering what you said I'm gonna choose cloyster." ->Her: "What do you mean?" She eventually figured it out a few hours later while we were snuggling. ** This other troper would like to point out that there is a trainer couple you can battle that [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar have those same choices in Pokmon.]] * I'm a writer/artist for a little indie web-distributed not-quiteadult-not-quite-for-kids comic, and I am not above injecting a little double entendre into a script. Case in point: my latest story where a cute female superhero battles a cold-based jewel thief known as [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Snowman The Yellow Snowman]]. At one point he tell her, "They say diamonds are a girl's best friend." To which she retorts, "Personally, I'd rather have my boyfriend give me a nice [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammary_intercourse pearl necklace]]!" To say nothing of homoerotic subtext in an earlier story set in a beauty shop, with [[AwesomeMcCoolname Mr. Rotch, first name Mike]], and his assistants Gaylord, Quincy and Fagala...and a boy who eats an entire bowl of face cream with a white color, a goopy texture, and a salty flavor. * When staying at a friend's house for the night (heh, heh), this is all this Troper and his friend could DO(heh heh). We laughed at EVERYTHING WE HEARD. Just try to go through (heh heh) the Winnie the Pooh special "Too Smart For Strangers" without cracking up. Since this Troper is normally a quiet, nerdy, and, um, "clean" kinda guy, said friend almost said "You're more fun at night." Cue laughter explosion. * My best friend complained once about me putting mu feet on her chair. I complained that the boy behind her did it too. She then said: "I don't mind it from the back, but I can't take it from the side." It took her three minutes of me trying to explain, but cracking every time, before she realized what she said. * In middle school, this troper's friend (and her...private habits)

were the subject of a rumor going around the school, and it embarrassed her to no end. One day, someone came (hehe) up to her and asked very frankly if she [[spoiler: masturbated]]. Troper's friend denied the rumors, barely avoiding a {{Rant Inducing Slight}}. This troper asked if she was alright, to which she responded, "I CAN HANDLE MYSELF!". {{Hilarity Ensued}} * Y'know, with all the news going around about President Obama's "Massive Stimulus Package", my dirty mind has been working overtime. Democrats wanting a larger Stimulus Package, Republicans saying the President's Stimulus Package is too large. Everybody wants a piece of the President's Stimulus Package, especially the elderly and the poor. The President's Stimulus Package will create millions of new jobs. "This is a huge package," says Senator Charles Schumer. OK I'll stop now. ** It gets worse. Since the phrase "Stimulus Package" has entered the common lexicon, a local (Washington DC area) minor league baseball team has picked it up and (combining it with the name of their mascot (a blue Muppet-like think dressed as Uncle Sam) has come out with a discount ticket plan called "Uncle Slam's Stimulus Package"! I giggle every time I hear the ads. * In your head, replace any mention of the word sword, wand, pole, or staff in any media with the word [[spoiler:penis]]. It's fun, try it! (spoiler-tagged for those easily offended) ** Changing the last letter of "wand" in quotes from ''HarryPotter'' has [[http://bash.org/?111338 interesting results]]. *** "Cauldron" jokes work pretty well, too, even better than "Chamber of secrets" jokes. F'rexample: Jokes about Hermione "stirring her cauldron," or even jokes about some poor schmuck renting a Harry Potter spinoff called ''Two Witches, One Cauldron'' thinking it was a family-friendly adventure film, and getting [[{{Understatement}} quite]] [[{{Squick}} a]] [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel surprise]]... ** Many lines in Star wars become incredibly funny [[http://www.keepersoflists.org/index.php?lid=1906 if you replace a word with pants]]. *** "I am altering the pants. Pray I do not alter [them] any further." Both creepy and hilarious. Is it possible that this change to the line CrossesTheLineTwice ? *** This troper has once seen a page along the same lines with mundane quotes from ''TheRockyHorrorPictureShow'' "pants"ed. * StaffChick. If I didn't do it, someone else would. ** Which one? Might be enjoyable. ** ScrewedByTheNetwork. Enough said. XD * After rereading this page, I realised it's gotten longer. ** You all were being very sloppy before I joined in. That being said, I realized some of your foreign ways of doing things aren't necessarily wrong, just different. *** At least it's not a dirty, sticky mess. **** That was quite the release. I'm ready for another go at it. ** We lengthened it with the power of our long, thorough entries! * A favourite game of this troper's friends is inserting either "in my pants" or "in your pants" at the end of any sentence or song title. It produces minutes of fun (and searching through song lists) before we

get bored and move onto some other game. Favourites include "Foreplay/Longtime", "Everytime We Touch", and "Lips of an Angel". ** This troper and her friends once played this for half an hour straight before running out of songs/ getting bored ** This troper and her friends use "between my legs" or "between your legs". * Similarly try inserting ''...in bed'' at the end of fortune cookie fortunes. ** Best fortune this troper ever got. "A pleasant suprise in in store for you tonight." Of course we threw in the obligatory "in bed." HilarityEnsues. ** This troper now does this with every fortune cookie he recieves on Facebook. And another time me and my friends were reading our Fortune Cookies that we got from Panda Express some of the highlights were "You will be the King of the World(in bed)." and "You will soon be reunited with a beloved friend(in bed)." ** "Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherever you go." ...in bed. ** "A surprise will await you at the end of the day"... in bed. ** {{xkcd}} plays with a variation on that theme [[http://www.xkcd.com/425/ here.]] ** Another xkcd comic features replacing the word "eye" in various songs with "thigh". Thigh of the Tiger, Close your Thighs, My BrownThighed Girl etc. *** Bright thighs... burning like fi~ire... *** Nobody knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man...behind blue thighs? **** [[{{Watchmen}} Dr. Manhattan!]] You should have just told us you were feeling down! ** You all had me with "insert". Really. * Heh-heh. Insert. * I '''love''' being in the middle. * You're all nuts if you think I should just slide in a very hard, long stretch of innuendo, trying to force in a messy statement that is just hollow and slippery to grasp. * "Just in case my mom's going to be anal I'll see if I can shove my paintbrush in that crack." Yes, I actually said that while painting the fence. * Too tight for me! I'll cover your rear. * Did your teacher ever say to you, "It's the middle of June, David, take off that jacket! You're making me hot just looking at you!"? ** No, but this troper had an elderly old man for a teacher who would just say "Jacket off! Heh heh heh." ** I had a boss ask me if I was hot. * At first I had a hard time editing tropes, but it's not so bad, you just need to get a firm grasp on the material. Find an entry point, and work your way in from there. Or even approach it from a different angle, sometimes that makes it easier. * This troper remember reading a sports section (The Local High School mascot is the Jackrabbits, the Girls teams are Lady Jacks). "Lady Jacks off to a great finish" ** This troper's college (Lumberjacks) had a similar "problem."

*** My high school had the beavers. Best. Team. Ever. * This troper read an [[FanFicRecommendations excellent fanfic]] where one character exclaimed, after nearly being strangled to death by a [[CombatTentacles plug ugly tentacle creature]]: "That was, without a doubt, the ''least'' attractive creature I ever hope to have sucking on my neck!" I wonder what the ''most'' attractive thing would be...? ** [[VampiresAreSexGods ah]][[KissOfTheVampire em]] * I can keep this up all day. * This column's too long... * In-''your''-enndo. * SoBadItsHorrible... hopely for most, ''not'' what she said. * IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE THE TROPER IN THE [[TwinThreesome IN THE MIDDLE!]] * I don't mind. Being on top is nice, but sometimes you have to be on the bottom. ** Oh, it's all right- I changed my mind anyway. After being forced to be on the bottom for so long I started getting used to it, and now I think I've kind of started liking it... just don't let anyone else know, or I'm screwed! ** That sounds pretty hard, I don't know if I can do it... ** But I need you to! I need it so bad. Do it. DO IT NOW. Please... please... * After reading the term "Uke", does anyone else have any problems not giggling at "ukelele"? ** No, but add a Yaoi Fangirl into a martial arts class that begins with the instructor explaining what it means to be a 'good uke' (the one receiving current throw or what have you) in a technique practice. ** About that...this troper's local newspaper once ran an article about ukeleles. It was on the front page of a section. The title, in VERY large letters: "Uke Madness!" This troper was rendered unable to move for several minutes. ** Similarly, while in Hawaii, this troper's mother was constantly talking about "ukes". One time, she wondered aloud if "professional ukes" were larger than normal ones. This troper had a difficult time keeping a straight face. *** This Troper read an article on Youtube about ukeleles, and they called them "Uke Players". [[http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee126/speedemon892000/ukeWHAT1.gif This happened.]] * From a classmate after confronting his stage fright: "I think I handled myself pretty well." ** It's always good to get up and face any hardship head on. * This troper was once involved in his high school's theatre group, and was in charge of operating the spotlight. Unfortunately, he accidentally aimed the light too low, and as a result the actor's head was left unlit... and the student who was up there supervising exclaimed "No, you're cutting off his head! GIVE CONRAD MORE HEAD!" (the entendre was unintentional) * During a trip to an amusement park (which could be considered a [=~Double Entendre~=] in itself), This Troper said, (with dried sunscreen on his hands): -->Troper: "I'm not a fan of having sticky stuff on my hands."

(realizes his mistake) -->Troper: "And if you say anything to that, I will punch you in the stomach!" * I REALLY want to go to a kids fourm just to post a bunch of posts like these, but I can't find any. ** What about [[http://www.nick.com/mynick/messageboards/ this one?]] * A couple of double-Ents in music: ** Flute (or Clarinet or recorder) in A Minor ** B flat is my favourite. ** G strings. *** Ever broke your G String while fingering a minor? * That's what she said. * This troper's Psychology 101 professor, during a lecture on sexuality, mentioned the practice, in some African cultures, of performing clitorectomies in order to control female sexuality. "It's a very primitve procedure in rural communities," she said. "It's done in the bush--" Immediately everyone burst out laughing and the professor's face went beet-red. A RealLife example of (unintentional) DeadBabyComedy if ever there was one. * Sophmore science classroom, quick, fun, pre-MEA lab involving playing with chemicals. Chemicals found in glow sticks, which required carefully dissecting them to reduce them to their component parts. At first the entendres were fairly innocuous (mostly in the vein of 'I want one of the long, sort of stiff ones... no, the little short one!') until after almost a half-hour of near silence someone stood up and exclaimed in horror, 'Aw, crap! The rubber broke, and now it's all over! I need another glove...' Um. (That was me. Honest to God, I wasn't thinking. And yes, my hands still glow.) * ThisTroper knows quite a few languages. It's nice to be a cunning linguist. ** I would like to thank you for that joke, I use it myself often. * "I tried taking it out and it popped in my face!" He was talking about a k'nex bridge among a four-person group including [[{{Tsochar}} myself.]] I was the only one who laughed. Later I said "missed connections are hard to see by eye, so I just kind of feel it up." Borderline in text, but very much double entendre when you consider my hands were all over the bridge. * Stage crew. Set building. You don't know how many double entendres can be made until you're stuck in a room full of horny high schoolers with drills and long shafts of wood... Once this troper was sitting inside a wooden box with no top. Two techies with drills were getting ready to put the top on, and one had to lean across the opening. She saw this troper and said "Get out from under me, I don't want to screw you." ** You were sitting in a wooden box with no top? You must have been one of the hornier high schoolers. * [[http://bash.necrolounge.org/999 <Player_1> I was just rubbing my grandmas wet pussy.]]. ...okay, so he was probably wording it that way on purpose. But the page has ''many''. * This conversation over a mountain pass race... "He's stuck to your butt like-" "Don't say it!" "Don't say what?" "Anything you say past this point is going to have a perverted meaning." "No it's not, I was

going to say "Like white on rice."" "Exactly..." * One of my dorm-mates is a girl, cute girl even, with a boyfriend, I believe. I was eating dinner, and had palmed and pocketed a fork to take back to my hall with me. She and some of her friends had come over to join me, with her eating something Chinese, and failing with the chopsticks. After some discussion that she could do better if she had a fork to use, I told her that I "had a solution in my pants", got up, pulled the fork out, and handed it to her. It took a moment for everybody to hear it, but it brought the house down. ** Then, of course, as we were leaving the cafeteria, one of our group was stopped by some dude who asked if they were getting together some time later, presumably to study. She answered in the enthusiastic affirmative, which led us to believe it wasn't just study, wink wink, nudge nudge. It didn't help matters that she explained that there would be a couple other people at this gathering. So, yeah. Me and mine have terribly dirty minds. * I was carrying a chocolate muffin (the baked goods kind) when a girl said "It's so ''big''!" Earlier, another girl had requested we return to the coffee room, because she desired a stirring utensil, but phrased the request as "I wanna spoon"... * This Troper once had a female classmate offer him the cherry from the shake she had for lunch. [[PungeonMaster I]] ''[[PungeonMaster couldn't]]'' [[PungeonMaster let that one go]]. * ...Everyone on this page has all these stories about doing it with their friends. [[{{Scrounge}} I]] don't have any friends, and after a while, doing it by yourself just starts seeming kinda pathetic. Every night, it's just me and my computer, and eventually my wrists start hurting and I realize how sad and lonely I am. ** It's okay, I'm sure all of us want to cheer you up now. *** What, all at once? Won't that be awful crowded? I really don't think I can take more than two or three of you at once... * This troper's ex-girlfriend once joking said "F--- you." to him good-naturely mocking her driving skills. To which said troper replied "Oh, would you?" * This troper after being told I have a "rapier wit": --->'''Me''': [[DeadBabyComedy Rapier? Hardly knew her.]] * Once, in a class discussion on ''AuroraLeigh'' by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, This Troper's class had broken off into small groups. While describing the one woman who described her feelings for a male character in food terminology in a seductive manner, this Troper declared, "She wanted to verb his noun!" much in the tone of "That's what she said." It fits the trope because the book basically sets up a battle of the sexes both in marital/sexual relations and in the ability to create true art. * [[TheDeke This Troper]]'s math teacher once written this gem of a problem on the dry erase board: --->'''Problem''': "If you flip a coin, what is the probability of getting head?" --->'''Everyone''': *giggles* --->'''Teacher''': *just realizing the typo* Slim to none. ** Is it sad that that's actually a pick-up line? *** More like inevitable, [[DocumentN I'd]] say. It's also happened

naturally [[http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/archives/003716.html more than once]] apparently. ** Keep in mind that your chance of getting head is the same as your chance of getting tail. * [[DarkInsanity13 This troper]] recently realized that, after a conversation about "someone liking or disliking wood", the word "woodworking" becomes very, very dirty... * Of the unintentional variety: [[TheGreatUnknown this troper]] was once writing a story involving descendants of the heroes of ''JourneyToTheWest'' and other Asian classics, but had to redo a scene in which one character disciplined the granddaughter of Son Goku once he realized that said hero was ''[[spoiler:spanking the monkey.]]'' * Triple entendre: in a tabletop RPG game once, a character in the party had had a bit of an... encounter with a naiad (essentially a water nymph), and when the rest of the party needed to cross her river, she was very helpful. When one of the characters mused about why she was so helpful, another character responded: "I guess he must be good in the water." * More of a VisualInnuendo, but this Troper was once cleaning a thermometer in a ''very'' suggestive way (involved said Troper vigorously rubbing a long, hard, thin shaft with a paper towel). ** It works better with alcohol. * When [[SharmHedgehog I]] was getting a Christmas tree, I thought, "Maybe we should get that one, its top isn't bare" I wisely decided to not finish my sentence. * A wiki example: wall banger. ** Another: EverythingIsBigInTexas. * A friend was having a conversation about bulletin boards or some kind of crafty project like that. One of the people he was talking to said "I only have ten inches to play with." Said friend was so excited to deliver a "[[ThisIsSparta THAT! IS! WHAT SHE SAID!!!]]" * This troper once got into a friend's car whose backseat stored a small pile of books, papers and other detritus. The friend said to just move the stuff aside "so you don't have to sit on my junk." Sadly, said friend is unaware of the euphemism. * I like to play with myself, because I always win. (Said by this troper's friend, regarding playing Monopoly solo. He quickly amended it with "GAH! I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!", but only after the troper snorted grape soda out his nose.) * Once in a restaurant famous for its biscuits and gravy (sausage gravy to be exact), this troper was asked by another diner if he wanted a box for his sausage and two biscuits. He replied, "Oh, is that like 'meat and two veg'?" Half a second of shocked silence followed by half a minute of brely controlled laughter. He only just realized that there were at least two double entendre in that sentence. * This troper and her friends have apparently clean minds...until about three seconds after someone says just about anything. Some examples: ** This exchange after a commercial that said something was 'boneless': "You have no bones" "your face has no bones" "your mom has no bones" "I'll bone you!" *awkward silence* "I can't believe you

just-" "never happened." ** After someone said something about the pussycat dolls: "I have a black pussy!" stupid black cats.... ** "Don't touch me there daddy." I randomly tack on names for my friends at the end of sentences. She poked my eye... ** "Why is he down there?" "I don't know." "he should be on top!" We were on some stairs. * A friend of this troper's brother apparently had this conversation happen in a class recently while discussing the upcoming exam: -->'''Student 1:''' Is it long? -->'''Teacher:''' Well, I don't really know... -->'''Student 2:''' Is it hard? -->'''Teacher:''' I don't really know that either... -->'''Student 3:''' Is it fun? -->'''Teacher:''' So, is it long, hard and fun...? -->'''Student 4:''' That's what she said! * This troper can't look at the state of Florida on a map without bursting into laughter anymore. I mean, just LOOK at it! ** Extra fun if you watch AxisPowersHetalia * Some friends of this troper were having an argument about cars in class one day. One friend expressed preference for a certain type of car, which caused the other friend to say "But it's long and hard to handle!" Cue hysterical laughter from both friends and this troper who was unashamedly eavesdropping. * I am astounded by the sheer number of tropers who came before me on this page. I'm not even sure I still want to try and squeeze in anymore. My contribution is so small, you see, that it will probably won't even be noticed. And if I try and make it longer, I'll just end up with very sore hands. ** Your contribution might be small, but {{ThisTroper}}'s is HUGE. * The following conversation once occurred between [[{{Mysterynovelist}} this troper]] and her friend: --->Friend: When are you going to finish?! --->Troper: Soon; I want to end it at a climax... --->Friend: ...(kinda forgot what she said) --->Troper: Not ''that'' kind of climax, you idiot! ** What makes it even weirder is that we were talking about ''fanfictions''! *** Similarly: --->Friend: Do not talk right now. I'm reading this AWESOME FANFICTION and I'm right in the middle of the CLIMAX! *** She used that exact capitalization, too. * {{rutheni}} has a running gag along the lines of "I am a sick, sick, man..." "Also, I have a nasty cold/the flu/a twenty-four hour bug." * From ''GuiltyGear XX'': --> '''Bridget:''' "Hey, what's wrong with you? You suddenly went limp right in the middle of the fight..." * [[ItsShortSoItSucks It's Short, So It Sucks]]. * This is why I used to calibrate my joystick in private. ** I once tried to play with my Wii, but it slipped out because I didn't use the strap. * High school bike tour. Large group, sleeping in tents. [[{{Gerusz}}

This troper]] slept in a tent with a male and a female friend of his. Threesome-jokes already circulated (of course, it was a high school tour if you missed the first sentence), when one evening the girl asked loudly for lubricant. Laughs, laughs and even more laughs. [[spoiler: She was asking for some WD-40 for her bike's transmission system...]] * This troper is writing a story with, as its title, ''[[TheNounOfAdjective The]] [[MadLibFantasyTitle Moon]] [[TheNounOfAdjective of]] (the [[LoveInterestTitle male romantic interest who is part-werewolf]])''. * This troper was at a LAN party where he and a buddy began comparing the length of our power cords. We determined that his power cord was longer, but mine was thicker. We also decided to plug them into the same hole in the wall- mine was on top, his was on the bottom. Subverted when he pretended to finally get the joke and claimed everyone in the room watching this had a dirty mind. * This troper's great at fishing. I'm a [[IncrediblyLamePun master baiter.]] * This Troper tend to use use them around her male friends, knowing very well that they would think of it in 'that way'. --->Me: *stare* Can I have one? --->Friend: No. --->Me: Please? --->Friend: No! You already have some! --->Me: But your chips are longer than mine! * This troper's friend threatened to beat his other friend at ''{{Tetris}}'' by using an arcade stick: --> "I will take [him] with my stick" * This Troper encounters these a lot in school. My friend was blowing on my head to annoy me. -->Me: Casandra, stop blowing me! ** There was another one, too, but I can't remember it right now. * Randy Johnson, AKA The Big Unit. Great pitcher, funny name if you think about it. * There's something just... ''wrong'' about soft carrots! I prefer my carrots raw, as they're hard! * "Rolling the dice" for this Troper's D&D group (long story short: it involved someone "cooking" the dice under the table, one-handed and in a very familiar manner). * This troper once had a discussion about female soccer that could apply to both the players' abilites and their appearances. * My male friends and I were having a competition to see who could come up with the best, absolutely true (in the innocent way), double entendre about our relationship with a lesbian friend. I believe I still hold the title with 'Her hot pussy on my penis kept me up all night' (Her evil feline decided that my groin would be a nice place to sleep. Said cat was so frightening it scared off a Norwegian Ridgeback, I wasn't moving it, or getting any sleep while it was there) * One time at a grocery store when I was shopping with a friend I was buying a bag of hamburger buns which my friend offered to hold then kept holding them a little too tightly. Worried that they were going

to get squashed I shouted at him "Quit squeezing my buns!" Unfortunately a woman was walking by at the time and burst out laughing. [[DontExplainTheJoke Apparently it was sounding as if I was telling my friend Steve to "Stop squeezing my ass" which I did not mean at all.]] ** Fixed. * After the release of the first PiratesOfTheCaribbean film, a class mate returned from a screening with a story about [[MST3K audience participation]]: At the end of the film, [[WhatHappenedToTheMouse Anamaria]], a black, female pirate, has aided her former cohort Jack Sparrow in regaining his ship, even warming him with a coat as a gesture she's put old wounds behind her. She then states... --> '''Anamaria''': The Black Pearl be yours, captain. ** At which point someone in the audience yelled out, "[[DontExplainTheJoke That means ''two'' things!]]" ** Aww man, I was hoping they'd have said "And the ship too!" * This troper spent almost three hours of his life watching a [[{{District9}} prawn]] [[{{IncrediblyLamePun}} movie]]. * At a sleepover for this troper's birthday, one of her friends kept taking random phrases from the conversation and saying "I'd like to _____ ''your'' ____," to induce this trope. When we got pizza and were discerning which was which flavour, he said "I'd like to meat ''your'' lovers." Realising it sounded worse with the words switched around, this troper replied "I'd like to ''love'' your ''meat''," and grossed everyone out. She's proud of that moment. ** Grossed? What are you, Puritans? * "It's better to have it happen quickly and have it bleed a little then have them sitting there for like, a whole minute trying to push through. It crushes the delicate tissue in that area, and it's prone to get infected." Um, we were talking about puncturing ''different'' tissue as a rite of passage-- ear piercing, needles vs. guns. But um. * ThisTroper was on a trip with a teacher and an number of classes for a Quiz Bowl competition, and we went looking up and down a Beaver Road to find a fast food joint for lunch. Eventually we had to stop and get directions. Between quite a bit of snickering all around, the following exchange occurred: -->'''Student 1:''' Coach, were we supposed to stay on Beaver Road or go down the other road? -->'''Student 2:''' I hear it's a ''dirt'' road... -->'''Teacher:''' Oh, I saw ''that'' one coming. -->'''Student 3:''' Yeah, that's what she said! * Today I learned an innocent, wholesome expression about how the friends that are always welcome in your life are better than the ones you treat with a certain formality. The expression? "Back door friends are best". Can't... stop... laughing... * This troper's ex-schoolmates are obsessed with pointing these out, especially where noe were actually intended. * Between last year's men's choir and this year in concert choir I have heard and made more "top" jokes and "Bottom" jokes than most people would think is possible. It all depends on who's on top. * This troper was stunned that nobody else picked up on this one. I was at school and everyone was waiting for the bus inside except the

seniors, since it was raining. One of my friends had a microphone, which she was using to tell everyone what bus had arrived. Anyway, inside, a bunch of people were sitting on the chairs. What happened next went something like this: --> Vice-Principal: Are they on the chairs? Tell them to get off. --> Friend *through microphone*: Everyone, get off. (Vice-Principal) says get off. So, get off. ** I was snickering so much. * Never take a snake as a familiar in D&D unless you ''like'' {{DoubleEntendre}}s. This Troper found that one out the hard way. Yes, that is a snake in my robes, no, I am not happy to see you. * This troper was reading his Journalism class's textbook (there's one right there) and looked up "Chinese names" in how to properly refer to people. One of the example names? Jack Wang. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] has had incidents like this; usually when describing something from a game to friends. Some of the notable things include "[[FinalFantasyVII I wish my sword was a big as Cloud's]]", "[[MarioKart Yoshi's Cucumber is amazing]]", "[[MarioParty I stole Peach's booty!]]", and "[[{{Pokemon}} Brock's Onix is hard]]". * What is this, YouTube comments? Try [=HARDer=], man! * [[{{Vendetta}} This troper's]] friend is just full of these. About the mailman: "He does back-door deliveries and handles with care!" About the Wii: "Turn it on and enter a world of wonderful fantasy!" Etcetera. * This troper had the pleasure of seeing a friend freak out a waitress by complaining about his limp noodle. We were having chinese. * While watching my boyfriend playing {{Zelda}} Twilight Princess: -->Me: So he's able to get wet? (watching Link emerge from water) -->BF: Yup After a while Link was rolling to get around faster or something -->Me: Is he able to get dirty too? My boyfriend promptly gave me a WTF look, and upon realizing that I was completely innocent in what I had just said he burst out laughing. * It's impossible for this troper and her friend to keep a straight face during guitar lessons, when our male, 50-years-old teacher talks about "G-strings". * I once surprised my friend (who's a guy) who was coming home from a job interview with the phrase, "Ya want a kiss?" It was the Hershey's candy. It doesn't seem that risque, but ItMakesSenseInContext: (a) the guy friend in question is very bashful, (b) there has been word that I have a crush on the guy (and it doesn't help my case against the accusations that I'm extremely nice to the guy), and (c) my tone of voice was set to "I want you so bad" instead of "Hi. Have a good day?". This also counts as AccidentalInnuendo. * Whenever this troper says "screw you" to her friend, he replies " when and where baby?" * Once, while playing the Penis Game (each player successively says penis louder than the person before them) with his roommate, [[{{Smerf}} this]] troper got to the point where he was bellowing the word "PEENIIIIIIIIIIS". His roommate then said "Dude, you didn't go louder, you just went longer and deeper." Cue the laughter (and blushing from the girls).

* A (male) forum friend once said in a chat (talking about [[Pokemon Pok balls]]) "I need more balls. I only have two, and both are special." After comments on how that sounded wrong, he replied that it was the point. ** Never mind the fact that the development team has put into the game "Love Balls", "Ultra Balls", "Great Balls", "Heavy Balls", "Luxury Balls", even the almighty "Master Balls". * In Norwegian, the number six is "seks" ...pronounced like "sex". So when a friend once said she "bought six" of something, we all started laughing the next second. * Numerous towns in Pennsylvania features traffic signs on some of the side streets that warn drivers "Speed '''Hump''' Ahead". (boldface mine) * It isn't only Pennsylvania; this troper lives in Massachusetts and has also seen Speed Hump signs. (Most signs here do say Speed ''Bump'', though.) * This troper is in a {{Pokemon}} roleplay in which she roleplays as Cress. Cress happened to fall asleep on the job, and he had a dream in which his brother, Chili, [[RealDreamsAreWeirder had hair made out of ice cream]]. And his other brother, Cilan, happened to be around as Cress was [[TalkingInYourSleep saying]], "[[IncestSubtext Oh Chili~ You are so delicious~]]" [[EroticDream in his sleep.]] * "I picked up the bible from the floor and put it in my bed. So tonight i sleep with Jesus!" * This troper was doing a roleplay with some friends, and one character needed to be taken to a hospital. Unfortunately no one felt like RPing some one-off medical characters so I got stuck with them. The injured character ended up being treated by Doctor Bo'Nar, two twin male nurses named Tess and Tikal, and a female anthro cat named Doctor Tabby. Did I mention the character receiving treatment happens to be a god of gay sex? ** The full name is Dr. Tabby Pussy. *** And said gay sex god has wings with feathers that turn into TENTACLES **** Which Dr. Pussy played with XF * This troper used to have an awful habit, picked up from another friend, of giggling whenever the verb "come" was used in any context with potential double entendre, or indeed, sometimes without any context at all. For example, exploding with sudden laughter in a completely silent classroom when our Spanish teacher chose the verb "to come" to conjugate on the whiteboard. There was an awful, awful pause where everyone stared at me. The look my teacher gave me was absolutely priceless. I'm still friends with a few people who were there and they bring it up occasionally, much to my embarrassment. ** I was also once with the friend I'd picked up that habit from, trying to cross an extremely crowded hallway at school. As we struggled against a wave of younger students from all sides, I shouted to my friend, completely unaware of any double entendre, "THEY'RE COMING AT US FROM ALL DIRECTIONS!" My friend laughed for about three minutes straight. * I was playing a game with my friend (heh heh) where the first person to laugh loses. I said "In America" and she said "In yo momma's

pants." I cracked up. That was the only time she ever won a game. * This Troper once got a Fortune that said and I quote "YES,DO IT IN CONFINDENCE!".This Troper and her friends had a good laugh after reading it. * A friend: "It's not the size that counts, it's how you use it!" Used in a completely clean context, ubt it was clear she was being DoubleEntendre. Which, of course, made me slip in a "That's what she said!" ---[[DoubleEntendre ...But I HATE being on the bottom!]]

DoubleInLawMarriage * This happened in my {{Nakama}} a few years ago. Alice and Bob (all names here are fictional, of course) dated, got engaged, and got married. Bob's brother Charlie was a groomsman at the wedding, and Alice's sister Deanna was a bridesmaid. Charlie and Deanna met at their siblings' wedding, hit it off, and within a couple years were also married. If both couples have children, Alice and Bob's children and Charlie and Deanna's children will be double cousins. * My mother's older sister married a man. A little while later, the couple introduced the man's cousin to my mother at their apartment. A few years later I was born. So I guess I have .75 cousins? * My grandfather and his brother married sisters (not sure which couple met/married first). My grandparents' marriage failed, their siblings' succeeded. * A person I know who would likely prefer to remain unnamed told me about their grandparents. There were two brothers who married two sisters, and then they all lived in one house. And then they divorced and married the other sibling! I am not making this up. * [[Tropers/RiL My]] grandmother and her sister married (respectively) my grandfather and one of his brothers. Two [[HappilyEverAfter lifelong happy marriages]] ensued.

DoubleReverseQuadrupleAgent * [[@/RedWren This troper]] used this in a watergun fight, with the trick being that she was genuinely on everyone's side. Whenever she had information that would help someone else, she gave it. * [[@/StongRadd This Troper]] is MADE OF THIS TROPE. He started as TrueNeutral, then LawfulGood, then NeutralGood, than ChaoticGood. He bets you $10 that he won't be a ChaoticNeutral by the end of high school. * [[Tropers/CorruptMaleMenace This Troper]] was once in a game of {{Risk}} where ''every single player'' turned out to be one of these, and most of them also underwent a HeelFaceRevolvingDoor over the course of the game, changing their mind back and forth on who they were ''really'' going to help out in the end. Of course, this being {{Risk}}, the real answer was that ultimately, everyone was trying to utterly destroy everyone else in the long run. ----

DoubleStandard * Probably the most famous double standard... "If you're a guy who is close to girls, then you're a sick pervert. If you're a guy who is close to guys, you're totally gay. If you're not close to anyone, you're still a pervert." (Notice the FridgeLogic of the last example) ** How does the last one make sense, provided "close to" means "social toward"? *** It doesn't, hence the "FridgeLogic" mark. The closest [[SarcasmMode "explanation"]] you can get in this incoherent mess of InsaneTrollLogic is that when someone is a sick weirdo/pervert/(''insert random insult here''), he ('''rarely''' female) is shunned by his peers and therefore isn't close to anyone. It makes about as much sense as the rest of InsaneTrollLogic. The DarthWiki/{{Wallbanger}} of this whole matter is that '''there are people who actually believe this load of bullshit!!!''' * This male Troper is very physically close with my friends by nature. So I tend to have only female friends. Why is it so bad for a dude to hug a dude? Why is it automatically assumed that you're gay if you hug someone? I'm sad and need a hug now...:( ** *hug* ** They say there's a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUdWApwbudQ proper way of hugging your fellow man]]. * This Troper has noticed that some members in ThisVeryWiki advocates DoubleStandards. Despite all the complaining and Wallbanging here to stop, many tropers seem to still use them. Now that's a Wallbanger. ** Most of the examples here will be challenged. In some cases, they have a point but in too many cases, this pretty much reinforces and justifies the DoubleStandard claims. * "People who oppose same sex marriage are insecure with their own sexuality and are probably gay themselves." ** "People who support same sex marriage do it for the reason that they are either secretly gay (or at least curious) themselves." *** Both retorts are on the same playing field logically but the latter is considered [[YouFailBiologyForever "ignorant and offensive"]], while the former is an [[AcceptableTargets accepted]] [[DidNotDoTheResearch paradigm]]. In any case why would [[BrokenAesop supporters of same sex marriage be offended]] if being gay [[JustBugsMe is perfectly normal]]? *** Because it's considered rude to insist that someone is X, despite all evidence to the contrary, even when X itself is not a bad thing. [[http://notalwaysright.com/incheon-further-away-from-the-answer/6491 Witness the plight of Koreans who are assumed to be Chinese]], for instance. Or possibly Japanese. Same thing, right? ** So its rude the other way around? (first example) Or is it a [[JustifiedTrope justified]] [[TakeThat insult]]? **** It's justified, because time and time again the most outspoken of anti-gay conservative politicians are caught with gay prostitutes. It isn't an insult to say that they are homosexuals who are overcompensating because they hate themselves, it's a statement of fact that is proven true time and time again. Of course, there isn't

actually anything wrong with their orientation, but they feel that there is, which is why they hate themselves so much, which manifests as their rage against other homosexuals who they see as "tempting them to sin." **** I'm sorry, I see your point and the cause is noble, but I can't accept the fact that we can use an argument that we consider offensive in other people to use. **** Claiming that gay marriage supporters are more likely to be secretly gay is, essentially, accusing them of having their position not from a desire for equality but from hidden vested interests. I'd call that more offensive than suggesting that their most rabid opposites may just be a little confused. **** "It's a statement of fact that is proven true time and time again." Um, [[DidNotDoTheResearch no it isn't]]. Not even close. Putting aside the massive amount of {{Unfortunate Implications}} that come with saying that it takes a gay person to hate other gay people, there is absolutely no proof whatsoever to imply that all those who express homophobic or anti-homosexual attitudes are secretly gay themselves. A very, ''very'' small minority may be, but they just happen to get all the media attention. This attitude is ''very'' insulting, because it implies that only gay people can express hatred for gays. Sometimes, people can be truly prejudiced, not just confused. Try thinking about things through next time before you go mouthing off theories full of {{Unfortunate Implications}}. * I managed to find an inversion for MathIsStupid. On TV, there's this one show (Bobb'E Says), and it tells you what NOT to do of you want to be cool. In this case, one of the things TO do is "Shut up and do the math". * This troper and his sister were watching some random sea life show on some various nature network, and there was a turtle. Then a shark came into view. The turtle went behind the shark, and bit him. This troper said "Is that turtle... EATING the shark?" My sister and I almost simultaneously said "That's awesome." Then this troper noticed something and said, "Wait, if the shark was eating the turtle, wouldn't we be disgusted?" ** This one can actually be justified in defience of a naturally expected predator/prey senario. The turtle eating the shark would be extrodinay because of how little it happens. * A couple of years ago I got involved in a dispute in college with one girl repeatedly yelling and hitting another person and try to push them apart. The argument heats up with the girl screaming at me to stay out of this until she picks up a chair and attempts to brain me with it. I grab the chair and force her off balance, knocking her down and stopping her from continuing. The teacher who dealt with this decided to gloss over the fact someone tried to bash my head in with an improvised weapon and I get a lecture about how its never right to attack girls under any circumstances. * This troper was once told - after pointing out that the previous week our group of CIT's had unanimously agreed to do a parody of [[AvenueQ The Internet Is For Porn]] - ''by the week's CIT director'', that it shouldn't matter that the girls (who made up 9/10 of us) had decided to switch last minute. "[[AllMenArePerverts You're a guy]],

this really shouldn't matter that much to you." Cue FreakOut by this troper as he goes into an [[BerserkerTears overly emotional]] rant about how people shouldn't cancel agreements just because [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny something new came along.]] Not that it helped any, in the end. * This Trooper thought it was rather unreasonable a boy was being made fun of for crying because he had a broken bone. She told the kid that she'd cried when she broke a bone (It was actually 2 fractures, 2 breaks, and a dislocated lung), and was told that she was a girl, so that was absolutely normal. * This troper notices that people seem to be much harder on FanDumb than they are on HateDumb - HateDumb can be ''just'' as stupid if not ''even MORE'' stupid than FanDumb any day of the week, as the hatedoms for JustinBieber and ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' show. * There are some ''very'' arrant gaming double standards: ** You're free to trash on {{MMORPG}}s all you want. But any criticism of any FPS game, MMO or not, your responses are always "Suck less", "Play with friends or don't play at all", or "You aren't playing on a good server". Not to mention, they're allowed to be ''just'' as repetitive as they want and are never called out on it, whereas an MMORPG that is ''constantly updating'' and giving free patches has to always be giving something completely different. It's because [=RPGs=] are AcceptableTargets nowadays, so FPS and wide open sandbox games are almost always given a free pass. *** Another thing about the MMO genre: On a topic about older [=MMOs=] (especially WoW), many people would complain about how grindy they were. Yet when people complain that newer [=MMOs=]' timesinks, the same people would insult their play style or schedule. Or they throw the reliable "is-ought" assertion. ** If there is a NewMediaAreEvil article, scapegoating an MMORPG, the comments will stupidly be ''agreeing'' with it. But if it scapegoats something like say CallOfDuty, then the comments will be disagreeing with it and saying the game does not cause people to do stupid things. ** It's more than okay to say that ''FinalFantasyVII'' is a shitty game nowadays because [[SeinfeldIsUnfunny it is dated]]. However, if you say the same thing about ''[[TheElderScrolls Daggerfall or Morrowind]]'', you're called out on your "stupidity" and are called a spoiled brat for not being able to appreciate the genius of retro games. *** [[{{Tropers/Marr965}} This troper]] thinks both are awesome. ** PC FanDumb is ''always'' given a free pass despite the sickening amount of highbrow elitists and elitists there are. ** You're allowed to list common RPG tropes and elements as "weaknesses" of a game and those are considered "legit" criticisms. Yet doing the same about FPS games? You're called out on it. *** And likewise, you're also allowed to do the same for any form of animation (Anime or not), romance, and other such genres that are AcceptableTargets. ** FanDumb around japanese franchises is ''always'' considered a legit criticism of the work, yet the ''massive'' FanDumb around anything made by Valve is ''not''. ** VideoGames are a waste of time because you do not gain any real

life skills from it. Never mind that the ''exact same stuff'' can be said about entertainment in ''general''. "Oh you can read WarAndPeace in the time it takes to play ''WorldOfWarcraft''." Well guess what? Think of all the ''other stuff'' you could do in the time it takes to read. Naturally, if you spend all day reading something, you're apparently broadening your mind as if reading a book that ''nobody cares about'' but you and ''maybe'' an english teacher or book club is somehow more productive than playing ''TeamFortress2'' all day. And during the time it takes to follow a band or sports team on tour, you could have taken classes in like massage therapy, something you can make money off of. (Which is considered "Valuable") Oh, and try tallying all the time you take doing stuff like watching sports games, going to political rallies, "important" and "mature" stuff, and think of what you ''could have'' been doing instead of that. Apparently only gamers don't know how to manage their time when ''you see these people in EVERY Fandom''. *** The DoubleStandard towards saying VideoGame fans and other such fandoms that include teenagers primarily are supposedly immature and social outcasts because of the stuff they say on the internet. Well gee, it's the ''internet''. Have there ever been reports of people destroying a game store because they ran out of ''HaloReach''? Have ''{{Naruto}}'' fans ever crashed a train? Have [[FurryFandom Furries]] ever rioted in the streets for whatever reason? Take one look at the AcceptableTargets page in the "Non-gender oriented" and you'll see what I mean. ** Apparently, playing for gaming trophies is "throwing your life away", whereas people trying to go for minor league or major league sports aren't. What happens if you ''don't'' make the draft? Apparently it's okay if they're going to school while doing it - yet ''not'' if they're a gamer. * The USA is basically the TropeCodifier for nationality related DoubleStandards (and compared to ones against men you'll be hard pressed to find one that admits to it). Americans tend to receive much more international and even domestic ire about any controversial acts, VocalMinorities, and even open displays of patriotism from America much more, and more often than if the controversy came from another country; even if they are no different or better when it comes to this. For example... ** {{Eagleland}} and OnlyInAmerica, enough said. ** The majority of the examples in MisplacedNationalism have been towards the US and/or Americans, and many of the examples are so huge and ridiculous that i couldn't blame someone if someone did call it a DoubleStandard (and the tab on that page where Americans would go does mention this). ** America's ValuesDissonance compared to other nations. For example people will rage at America for what they call "controversy" (Janet Jackson's SuperBowl WardrobeMalfunction for example), but if another country does something similar, there is little to no international ire. *** Most of the ValuesDissonance examples in ThisWiki are compared mostly to America's cultures. However YourMileageMayVary if this is for better or for worse if anything.

** Fans of TheBeautifulGame, even in ThisVeryWiki, will bash Americans a lot for using the name "soccer" for what almost everyone else calls "football," and for using the word "football" to refer to "gridiron" footall. Generally [[DidNotDoTheResearch they don't know]] ([[FanDumb or care]]) how and why Americans came to call it "soccer" (which is short for ''As'''soc'''iative Football''), that more than one sport lays claim to the name "football" (e.g. rugby, AKA rugby football), and that the word was actually originated in England ([[http://soccerlens.com/why-do-americans-call-it-soccer/3360/ no, really]]). [[DoubleStandard Canadians never seem to catch heat for this]], even though they ''also'' refer to the sport as "soccer" and have their own version of American "gridiron" football that they also call "football." *** Speaking of Soccer, people have been [[strike:criticizing]] flaming Americans for not "embracing" soccer and other British sports. Yet nobody calls out the Britains for calling out American sports as "Pussy Sports". While to be fair, some Americans are just as bad as this but they are subjected to a huge InternetCounterattack (to the point where even politely saying that you prefer AmericanFootball over soccer is flamebait), while soccer fans and fans other football codes when they do the same thing are left for the most part unscathed. *** Plenty of Americans certainly do flame Britons who claim gridiron is for wusses, usually by way of claiming gridiron is the ''less'' wussy of the two because it's more physical and in-your-face. Then someone mentions rugby and it comes full circle. ** It is not uncommon to hear a NoTrueScotsman like fallacy if those that criticize America for such things [[NotSoDifferent occur in their own country later (or earlier) on]]. For example: An American goes on a mass murder? That's clearly ''all'' of them. A Canadian goes on a mass murder? They don't represent ''all'' Canadians out there! *** ThisTroper sees this quite a bit around the Internet. If there is a {{Troll}} trolling, he is automatically assumed to be an American ([[ThereAreNoGirlsOnTheInternet as well as a male, but that's another issue]]), because "only stupid people come from there" as well as the opinion that other cultures like Canadians and Britains "don't make such [[CompleteMonster Monsters]]" so to speak. ** ThisTroper thinks that this is probably so is perhaps that due to the amount of Americans in the media compared to many others, it has brought some UnfortunateImplications as more American VocalMinorities are seen in the media compared to...well anyone else and because of this and America's political power, everything that comes from this country will be lambasted much more than if it came from another country. Of course to be fair, other countries can be subjected to this as well and some advocators can also be American. ** A truly astounding moment of this DoubleStandard on TVTropes itself was in the JustBugsMe page for Canada before it was nuked. A troper was calling out on the MisplacedNationalism of some Canadians against the US. What response did he get? Someone spewing hatred and distrust about patriotic ''[[CompletelyMissingThePoint Americans]]'' and [[UnfortunateImplications subtly suggesting they are like Nazis]], completely and utterly ignoring the original topic about Canadians, thus [[SelfDemonstratingArticle proving the troper's point exactly]].

** Many will accuse other nations of showing PatrioticFervor, but if their own country does it, [[HypocriticalFandom it is often ignored regardless if it is just as bad if not worse]]. For example: Many will routinely criticize American Exceptionalism but will give Eurocentricism a free pass. ** What kills me is people insulting America's reluctance to convert to the Metric System as being too stupid to understand it. Yet, when anyone suggests that Europe switch over to imperial, they act as if someone's asked them to kill a man. And they make arguments that it's easy to convert imperial to metric by showing a complicated conversion method as apposed to a much easier one, and if someone steps up and says it's complicated, they laugh it off. Apparently, for them it's standing up for their roots, and for Americans it's ignorance, fear, and stupidity. * The Israeli/Palestinian conflict. If innocent Palestinians are killed at the hands of the Israelis, the pro-Israel side ignores, excuses or white-washes it, while the pro-Palestine side endlessly condemns it as a war crime. Conversely, if innocent Israelis are killed by Palestinians, the pro-Israel side labels it as an atrocity, while the pro-Palestine side takes it turn at white-washing and making excuses. * There's a good reason that "Parentism" rhymes with "Tarantism", because they're both tons of B.S. Lessee, for starters there's the issue of teasing...if you don't think something your family's teasing you about is funny, then you need to grow up and learn to laugh at yourself. However, if ''you'' tease ''your parents'' over something that ''they'' don't find very amusing, then ''you'' need to learn that some things people don't find funny. Do you see the DoubleStandard here? ** If you're mature about the teasing, then yes, it's a load of bull. But if you aren't, your parents might just be trying to teach you respect for one's parents. *** Nom it's a load of bull. They want to laugh at others mistakes, but they don't want to be laughed at for ''their'' mistakes. My parents taught me that if I'm teasing someone about something that they do not find funny and aksed oyu to stop, then it's torment. I then proceeded to torment them to teach them a lesson that yes, I can be tormented to. "But we're laughing ''with'' you, not ''at'' you." DO I '''''LOOK''''' LIKE I AM LAUGHING? That line is another common parentism just because they don't want to admit they were laughing at you. * If a character shows interest in another character of the same gender, there's nothing unusual in assuming them gay ''or'' bi. But if a character shows interest in someone of the opposite gender, they're automatically straight and commenting that they could be bisexual is "making the character gay, CharacterDerailment and ignoring {{Canon}}". Of course, the same "straight until proven otherwise" mentality is very common in real life. * Write a positive review about a popular work, and all is well and good. Write a review where you justify your dislike for the popular work, and suddenly half the fanbase is up your ass telling you that you fail at life and that your opinion is invalid because you don't

think it's perfect. * If a female character is an OtakuSurrogate, she's automatically deemed as hot. But if she's a YaoiFangirl, she's automatically TheWesley or TheScrappy. * At my school, the Christian club got permission to do a prayer thing out in the front of the school before the bell rang. When the Muslim student's club asked if they could do the same thing (the prayer would've been open to all students regardless of faith, I believe the Christian one also was but I'm not ENTIRELY sure) they were denied because "it would cause tension". DoubleStandard, much? * A man is bad at math, he's just bad at math and that's it. A woman is bad at math, it's because she's a woman. LAME. A man speaks his mind and defends his opinion, no one complains, it's totally normal, but a woman does it, and she's a loudmouth bitch. Man has a lot of sex, he's a "playa", woman does it, she's a slut. Man doesn't want kids, it's perfectly okay, hell, it's normal, but a woman doesn't want kids, and she's crazy. When I said if I ever even wanted kids at all, I would adopt, a guy asked if I was afraid of sex. Uh, no. If I ever want kids, there's no point in ruining my body to bring another kid into the world, when I can adopt one who still needs a loving home. I shouldn't be labelled a freak because I don't want to squeeze a living being the size of a small watermelon out of my lady parts. As you can clearly see, sexist double standards are a huge pet peeve of mine... ** Girl, I hear you. In fact, double standards in general are kind of a BerserkButton for me. I particularly hate hypocrtisy, but double standards are not cool. * I frequent a popular community website, and have an account there that I use solely for the purpose of voicing controversial opinions. I recently made a pair of nearly identical posts, one pro-misogyny and the other pro-misandry; within mere seconds, the former received a reply that amounted to "NoJustNo", and the latter was added to someone's favorites list. * If I went onto youtube right now and commented that "I firmly believe in god and that jesus saves, and I hope you may see the light some day and not continue to be brainwashed by Richard Dawkins", chances are I'd get a bazillion thumbs down. On the other hand, If I went on to youtube right now and commented "I place my beliefs firmly in science. I am an athiest and a skeptic. I hope that someday you will see the truth in science and not continue to be brainwashed by the bible" I'd get a bazillion thumbs up. No wonder I'm agnostic.... (and before anybody links the xkcd comic about agnostics I've already seen it; it's hilarious) ** YMMV. Science and religion are two entirely separate spheres with two entirely different vocabularies and frames of thought; the morality is far too [[BlueAndOrangeMorality blue and orange]] for any such comparison to ''not'' be biased towards one side or another based on how the question is framed and phrased. In this case, use of the word "belief" and phrasing indicative of dogma rather than reasoning and thought automatically leans towards religion and against science to a great degree showing its own double standard no different than the incredible double standard against religion that'd show through if I phrased it.

*** But the fact remains that if you admit that your first allegiance is to god instead of to pure reason, it's taken as license to assume that nothing you say carries any weight or need be worth listening to at all. * If I was on the bus reading "Mein Kamf", chances are I'd have people berating me and calling me a Nazi. (nevermind the fact that I might be reading it for educational purposes....) On the other hand, if I was on the bus reading "The Collected Works of Chairman Mao" I'd probably be left alone- maybe even praised for it. The same could really be applied to anything related to Communism vs. Fascism. Vladimir Lenin shirt? "Whoa dude, your like, such a rebel!" Benito Mussolini shirt? "FUCK YOU FASCIST PIG!". This troper is thoroughly left wing, but the constant disregard for the atrocities committed under Communist regimes disgusts him. Hate to burst your bubble, but it claimed FAR more lives than fascism ever did- it's just that Stalin wasn't as discriminate as Hitler and Himmler were when it came to killing people. ** ...where the hell do ''you'' live where wearing a Lenin shirt or reading The Collected Works of Chairman Mao gets you ''praise''? *** This troper, the one who wrote initial comment, lives in very Left-Wing Seattle. So it isn't too surprising, however, he saw plenty of the same stuff.... in Oklahoma. As the below comment points out, even ultra Right Wing places are not safe. ** Even in Right-Wing Utah, students proudly wear Mao or Che shirts, or jackets with CCCP patches, or the hammer and sickle. * The slaughtering of extremely intelligent and empathic animals such as Whales, Dolphins, Porpoises and so is a horrible thing. But what about the much larger amount of Sharks being slaughtered each year? Nobody seems to care, despite the fact that were they to be fished into extinction the results.... [[{{Understatement}} wouldn't be good]]. Of course, given [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Tropers/Hammerhead my username]] I'm obviously a bit biased, but none the less... every year, around 5000 whales, dolphins, and porpoises are killed. Horrible, right? Every year, 100 Million (yes, million, you read that right) sharks are killed. But let's see... how many humans are attacked each year by sharks? Around 60 seems to be the average as of late. But how many people are killed? Well, in 2007 the number was a staggering ONE! Yeah, only ONE fatal shark attack was reported on the entire earth in 2007. Let's just say the number doesn't usually rise much beyond that, either. It revolts me to no end to see tons of videos and pictures of men and boys killing sharks *for fun*, and so they can prove how "masculine" they are. On top of all that, do throw out that common misconception that sharks are dumb eating machines; recent studies have shown that they can be extremely intelligent. Hell, many great whites may be just as intelligent as ole' Rover there in the doghouse. As you can see, this particular issue gets this troper.... [[{{Understatement}} rather riled up]] . ** It's also pure double standard in that we often defend the killing of non-humans by stating they are less intelligent than humans (as though human measure of intelligence equates moral worth), yet ignore that there are plenty of non-human animals more intelligent than

humans (pigs are at least as intelligent as 2-3 year old babies, yet we don't say it's acceptable to kill babies for their meat). *** Not an example: measuring moral worth of a life by intelligence is not a double standard, it's a single standard. One you may disagree with, but still a single one. Babies, even if less intelligent than pigs, also carry an emotional investment from others which is different from their intelligence value, something your average pig doesn't have. Killing pets is considered a far worse offense than killing wild animals of the same species, which is, again, not a double standard. Similarly, the effort in raising a baby, and in having built a relationship with it, raises the baby's value to above that of a pig. Besides, babies have much less meat on them, and will therefore satisfy the needs of far less people with their consumption. Given these two standards of moral worth - emotional attachment from others and intelligence - you can justify not killing babies. **** Although, Mr. Swift had [[AModestProposal a modest]] [[DeadBabyComedy proposal]]. ** Also, in regards to prehistoric animals, elephants with slightly longer tusks and fur are considered "cool", while things like the biggest flying creatures of all time or unique mammalian predators whose closest relatives are aardvarks are not worthy of even one second of attention. WHAT? * How come you can tell someone who's skinny to eat more, but can't tell someone who's fat to eat less? This tropette and her sister have been bullied or picked on for being skinny, something we can't do anything about, by 8/10 obese people we know, and it's almost never been taken seriously. Two teachers, both who are obese, even accused us of the bullying. One of them even proclaimed that I don't trust the obese, and that we "must've been mocking "guy's name" with our figure. Now imagine how those teachers would've reacted if we were bullied because we were fat by someone who's skinny or *GASP* a healthy weight. ** Yeah, I hear you. Being a [[NoodlePerson string bean]] myself, I occasionally get a bit of flak for not eating enough. One doctor even assumed I had an eating disorder. People probably assume that I ''am'' anorexic when I decide not to eat (it doesn't help that my parents are both obese), and wearing a lot of dark clothes [[{{Understatement}} isn't much a help]]. I think the assumption is that if you're thin, you're either not eating enough or too obsessed with your weight, whereas if you're fat, you're probably irresponsible with your health, but having all that extra weight is such a burden that calling you out on it or pointing it out only adds to their suffering. Because really, [[SarcasmMode everyone knows skinny people don't suffer]]! ** When you're seeing a doctor, interestingly, the reverse is true, at least in my experience. They will always go on and on about how you gotta lose that weight (they've done it with my father). But for someone who's terribly underweight like me, no one's ever said anything outside of one ignorant, unwarranted comment last year (about me needing to consume "[more] calorific foods"), much less help me with what ever could be wrong. Nevermind that it doesn't matter, my weight hasn't seemed to fluctuate even a bit for years irregardless of my diet. I don't think I've been bullied because of it though, maybe

since I'm quite tall (I did know some acquantences who called me "lanky fucker" in a joking sort of way however). * Endemic to the internet as a whole regarding {{Fanservice}}, going both ways. Example situation: two fans of anime, one male one female, are discussing anime. When GurrenLagann comes up, the female will be offended by Yoko, while the male will admit that its blatant pandering to male intrests, but show no other complaints. Then when the topic turns to FruitsBasket or OuranHostClub, the man will be creeped away by the manservice and get angry, while the ''female'' makes a token gesture towards admitting pandering before going back to oggling. This is multiplied by a factor of several dozen when it comes to GirlOnGirlIsHot and [[YaoiFangirl yaoi fangirls]], and neither gender will ''ever'' acknowledge that maybe its kinda hypocritical of 'em to treat the GenderFlipped version of their interests as offensive. See also: any page on this wiki dealing with a work that includes fanservice directed at anyone; any reviewer of such works, etc. ** A very odd case given that, since there's two independent double standards going in opposite direction, as far as equality goes its very fair, just rather annoying and an impediment to reasoned discourse. * One slight rant (and possibly seeing an argument that doesn't exist: oh well) this troper has: if a guy places his hands on a woman's chest, even by accident, he is a pervert, but, if a woman does it, it's ok. [[FlatWhat What.]] [[MistakenForGay Admittedly, he noticed this with the alto section of his school choir, who are VERY touchy feely and that the main offenders were friends]], but I still would like an answer to this. ** Well, it might not take away the DoubleStandard, but it has to do with how they're viewed for men and women. Men don't have the same "appeal" that women do when it comes to breasts, although I'm not sure just ''what'' makes the breasts have that effect on guys (but for example, cleavage on a dude is mostly [[{{Squick}} an instant turnoff]], but [[{{Nosebleed}} on a girl..]]). That's all I can think of for now. ** It might have something to do with the fact that female breasts are more sexualized than male chests. (unless you meant a woman touching another woman's chest, in which case it might just be GirlOnGirlIsHot) *** (OP here) I should explain that I meant a woman touching another woman's chest, not a woman touching a man's chest. * Anyone notice that after ten years people will be still be offended by remotely realated to 9/11, but things like the film 2012 for example, should remind people of the 2004 tsunami which killed five times as many people, but yet no one complained? ** Well, the tsunami was an act of nature, compared to a group of humans attacking America's largest city and arguably its "heart". More of an "knowing" vs "unknowing". * Okay, how come black kids can be totally biased against white kids and not get called out? This has happened to [[Tropers/AdelePotter me]] before. Also, if a white teacher punishes a black kid, they get called "racist". One teacher ([[CoolTeacher Miss F.]]) finally blew up and [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome totally called them on it.]] ** Speaking as a teacher candidate, ^^ this!

** I third this. I once went to an inner city school, where I was one of ''only'' TWO non-black students there. The things that happened there were.... [[{{Understatement}} not pretty.]] * I would add another to the list of "Frequently sexist in execution...": PersonalityPowers. Male characters are much more likely to have SuperStrength and other "active" powers, while females are more likely to have psychic or empathic powers, or HealingHands. In games, the male StaffChick is a subversion. For instance, in ''NoOrdinaryFamily'', Jim is essentially a FlyingBrick without the flying, while Stephanie has the more passive power of SuperSpeed. The kids subvert it, as both their powers are passive, but Daphne is more powerful. ** That's not always true, depending on the work. Some plots will give a FieryRedhead [[PlayingWithFire pyrokinetic abilities]], which lack "passiveness" [[GlassCannon to the point of a fault]]. You also have the BlackMagicianGirl, who have offensive powers as their whole shtick. However, you're right in that there aren't a whole lot of guys out there with {{Invisibility}} or [[BlowYouAway wind-based attacks]] (and if so, it's usually TheSmartGuy or WeakButSkilled, and if there's a girl on the team, ''she'' usually gets that role). ** I wouldn't call super speed more passive than super strength. * This tropette gets a lot of flak from her mom because she doesn't cry very much. She says it's not healthy to 'hold it in,' but in reality, I just don't see the need for tears. Granted, I don't like crying, and I have some funny sensory-related motives behind it (it makes my eyes swell and achy and my vision gets all blurry and I'm exhausted and tired afterwards and can't think clearly...), but there are moments when I have let out some [[{{Understatement}} "eyeleaks"]] (like [[TearJerker episode 39]] of ''SoulEater''), but it's not very often. However, when my ''dad'' cried at some crucial moment of ThePrincessDiaries (yes, really), mom joked that he may be in need of hormones. [[WhatTheHellHero What the HELL, PARENTS?!?!?!?!?]] ** The "funny sensory-related motives" are normal. * Men are allowed to consume media for perverted reasons; women aren't. Men can admit it when they do and people just shake their heads and say "boys will be boys", but women get no such break. At this point its self-enforcing as men will admit ''to themselves'' that they're doing something for perverted reasons, but women ''won't'' admit it to themselves. * Could someone please tell this troper why it's okay for boys to sag their pants, but not girls? This troper herself doesn't want to do it, but she sure would like to know why it would be unacceptable if she did want to. * This troper has two different stories in which characters have [[ParentalIncest sexual relationships with their parents]]. The relationship between the [[MagicKnight female]] [[DeadpanSnarker character]] and her [[CompleteMonster father]] is portrayed as horrific and terrifying, whereas the relationship between the [[EvenBadMenLoveTheirMamas male]] [[ArrogantKungFuGuy character]] and his mother is portrayed as sympathetic and even a little romantic. Yeah, this troper is definitely messed up, and he is sure there are plenty more (unintended) DoubleStandards in his work...

* This teenage troper's mother, with him and his adopted seven-yearold sister. In essence, he CantGetAwayWithNuthin. ''At all.'' Literally, whenever we have a dispute, I take great care to remain calm, not lose control, always act reasonable, never raise my voice, mentally catalogue everything that happens for later recollection to parents, et cetera et cetera. She can [[BerserkButton flip the fuck out]] and attack me, and I can easily come off worse. There are two particularly {{Egregious}} occasions: ** Once, when I was on the computer, (reading TV Tropes, natch) she came into the room, after playing on it for literally the entire previous day, from her return from school to bedtime, eating dinner in front of Habbo Hotel, and told me it was "her turn". I made a logical chain of reasoning, and pointed out that she'd used it all day yesterday, and for most of the previous few days. She insisted traditional laws of fairness do not apply to her (not kidding about that, she really said it, although not in so many words), and the argument went downhill from there. Five minutes later, she started screaming and kicking me, and then proceeded to bite me several times. After my mother arrived on the scene and attempted to find out what happened (my sister didn't even deny attacking me, and said I deserved it because I was apparently confusing her with my logical replies to her InsaneTrollLogic), and I showed my mother the ''tooth marks on my arm'', this was her verdict: fifteen minutes of "Time Out" for my sister, and when she was done, I had to get off and let her play. ** A somewhat smaller example from the same troper that seems to encapsulate the entire dynamic: After a similar argument which I'd won because my dad came in and took away her computer privileges for screaming at and hitting me, she got mad and, when I went to bed that night, I discovered that she had emptied the hand soap container in the bathroom all over my bedsheets and blanket. I told my parents, and my mom woke her up and proceeded to give her a [[StronglyWordedLetter lecture about personal space, and how she had violated the one part of the house that was unequivocally mine, and how now I would have to sleep in a sleeping bag downstairs that night, and all about how what she did was such a big deal.]] Her exact words after that? "Don't do it again. Now go to bed." * This troper had very tomboyish years as a young girl, with her pride (as she knows of present-day) enforcing her need to avert every little girl stereotype out there (masculine colours over feminine colours, shorts over skirts, shonen-esque role-plays where she plays the hero-''not'' the DistressedDamsel, etc). Then one fine lunch hour in the 3rd grade this troper was standing by the door, when a teacher came in to check on the class's good behaviour before the bell rang for lunch recess. This troper burps, glad of how loud she was and how cool she would be for it, and caps it off with an "excuse me". The teacher flips, gives this troper a look of disgust and shock and chastises this troper for doing that. "I said 'excuse me'!" "You are a girl, you shouldn't do that!" Right, so, if I had a dick instead of a vagina the only thing wrong about that is because it was ''rude''? I'm already 18 and that memory still ''pisses me off''. ** Kinda tying into that: One thing that always used to piss this troper off was that adults always assume girls to be better behaved

and less likely to lie. It wouldn't be too bad if it was just a stupid stereotype, but many girls I knew actually used that to their advantage, knowing that if a boy and a girl give to conflicting accounts of the same situation, the adults (usually parents or teachers) will ''invariably'' believe the girl and punish the boy not only for whatever he was accused of doing, but also for lying. I had two double standards going against me (quadruple standard?) when my older sister would, whenever I refused to do something she wanted me to do, go to our parents claiming I'm doing something bad and call her names when she tries to chastise me. Every single time they would disregard my protests and punish me. *** Seconded. I still remember one time when my sister hit me and I replied in kind. I was told to never "touch your sister in anger" ever again. Her punishment? Nothing at all. I was pretty well raised on that notion of "never hit girls; the reverse is okay and encouraged", and my sister has inherited it (for instance, saying "awesome" when she sees girls hitting their brothers, and being horrified at the opposite). I shut that notion out of my mind in 6th grade when some of the people that bullied me were girls (another point of contention: for that bullying, the victim, myself, was punished just as much as the other boys who did it, and the girls weren't punished at all). * The only handcuffs Ann Summers have in stock are dainty little ones "designed to be worn by girls", which I thought was a little odd. Not to mention disappointing. Still, it's hard to hold it against them since they're, well, [[GoodBadGirl AnnSummers]]. * The blatant double standard of some 2nd generation feminists(read: The generation that many 1st generation feminists accuse of ruining the whole equality movement by thinking it's actually about misandry and female dominance) who go on and on about how the world would be a utopia if run exclusively by women, forgetting that this actually is sexist from both angles. It first assumes that all men are evil Jerkwads who constantly fight amongst each other like some broad foreheaded Neanderthals and then it assumes that all women are delicate little flowers who are always sane, rationally minded and would sooner go to an ice cream social, than to war. * One way to sum up my old middle school class? Take the image on this trope's main page, but replace "girls" with "Asians". If you're not Asian, and you do something stupid...well, then, you're stupid. But if you ARE Asian, '''''God forbid''''' that you do something stupid, because if you do, you get to hear a whole barrage of racist insults towards ''the entire Chinese race'', and are sometimes even told to "go back to China"...'''[[AllAsiansAreAlike even if you're Japanese, Filipino, whatever.]]''' [[AllAsiansAreAlike And if you correct them, they'll tell you that "you all look the same/are the same".]] * Site hacks and security leaks. It doesn't matter if it's Anon or more recently Lulzec. Something like the MPAA or Scientology church is hacked? They're regarded as heroes and people say they deserved it. Something like Valve, Sony, Microsoft, Sega, Bethesda is hacked? Immediately everyone's wishing for the hackers' violent and bloody demise via Burning at the Stake. ** The other examples sure, but if this troper may play devils advocate for a mere moment, as the ChurchOfHappyology has actually

committed crimes worthy of being banned in European countries, has attempted infiltration of the U.S. government and coups in others and has harmed the lives of everyday people who were either part of it or were simply people who openly made statements against it, this may be [[JustifiedTrope justified]], though [[YourMileageMayVary YMMV]]. * TVTropes TroperTales. For example, one negative trope is filled with real-life examples and of course, these don't give people the warmfuzzies or the lulz, so they get deleted. Fictional troper tales in the same negative trope, though, are left alone. Why? Because they didn't happen of course. Anything disturbing and uncomfortable that has actually happened (if tropers are to be believed) apparently isn't suitable to be in Troper Tales. ----

DoubleTake * This happened to this troper TWICE.She had a crush on this boy in the dance class she was trying out. (Switch to first person) We were talking about anime, and I mentioned {{Fullmetal Alchemist}}. The conversation went something like this. -->Me: Do you like FMA? -->Boy: I LOVE FMA!! I watched it with my boyfriend last month and we laughed our asses off. -->Me: Yeah, it's really funny. (beat) WAIT BOYFRIEND????? YOU'RE GAY???!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! -->Boy: I'm sorry. Want to be {{Platonic Life Partners}}? ** Second time this happened, I was sprinting to my Spanish class in order to avoid being late, ran through some deserted hallways, and saw THREE couples, all of whom were her friends, making out. I said, oh, look, it's Laura and Tim, Carmen and John, and Ken and Nick. (beat) [[YaoiFangirl KEN AND NICK]]??!!! ** Happened to my friend. He was flipping through my photos saying "OK, you at [[BreadEggsMilkSquick ComiCon, England, Chicago, Art Class, Dance class, School, pictures of haloween, Ouran High School Host Club, yaoi doijinshi,]] (beat) [[BoysLove YAOI]] [[YaoiFangirl DOUJINSHI????!!!]] [[SelectiveSquick WHAT THE HELL (Insert troper's name here)???!!!]] * This troper had this when he had this conversation with two other friends who were females. -->'''1st friend''': I almost got raped by him...(her ex-boyfiend) -->'''2nd friend''': When? -->'''1st friend''': Last August... -->'''Me''': Oh... That's nice... (Beat) [[AtomicFBomb WHERE THE FUUUUCK IS HE?!]] * One of this editor's friends at school was walking through the cafeteria. He actually sat down and almost started to eat before he realized that he had walked past a person wearing a pumpkin costume. * I was looking at random people for some reason, and caught sight of a serious boy from the year above me and he [[WhenSheSmiles smiled]]. After double taking I stared at him and realized he's amazingly handsome. --> BFF: Ellie, are you trying to catch flies?

--> Me: (Stuttering) He's gorgeous! [[CrowningmomentOfFunny I want one!!]] ** Update : [[EpicWin I got one!]] * This Troper thought it'd be nice to sit in the back of the Ute, staring at the stars. The following sentence spoken by This Troper explains what happened: -->'''This Troper:''' Ah, what a nice night to sit under the stars. Completely cloudless... no rain... and there's a red-back spider next to me... *sigh*... ...A RED-BACK SPIDER?! * This troper has a not so nice case. His brother came and said: -->'''Brother''': Bro, i think I broke the computer. -->'''This troper''': Right right, I just... YOU [[BigWhat WHAT]]?! * This troper once ''caused'' a Double Take. By a ''cat''. He was snoozing on a counter; I was carrying some laundry and had draped a bit of it over my head in a way that acted as a mask. Not intentionally; that was just the way it wound up. As I passed the cat, I said, "Hi!" to him, his eyes opened, and then abruptly his eyes opened ''very'' wide. * This troper just did so on this very site while reading ''[[FiniansRainbow Finian's Rainbow]]'' example on the CueTheFlyingPigs page. HilariousInHindsight [[ToyStory character naming,]] anyone? * [[{{Tropers/Smerf}} This]] troper gets these while wearing his kilt. * This troper does this frequently, mostly because he sees things that make him take another look for fear of losing his life or sanity. He's very paranoid. One time he could have sworn he saw [[TheSlenderManMythos Mr. Thin's]] tentacles moving from behind the stairs. * Somehow happened in [[Tropers/SparkyYoungUpstart This]] troper's university newpaper. On the very alst page we have a section called declass, where people can send in comments, questions, or just random words completely anonymously. Most of them are complaints, prompting the section to be subtitled with a different variation of "declass: because we know you know life sucks". In issue, the very last entry simply said "youtube corn woman". The pages subtitle? --> declass: because there's always a wait hold up "YOUTUBE CORN WOMAN" what the hell * I did it quite recently. I was watching a movie, while most of my family was in the next room, not far from the kitchen. I got hungry and went into the kitchen. On the way there my sister's fiance - who I barely knew was visiting today, but hadn't heard coming into the house - goes "Hi [troper's name here]" and I go "Hi [sister's fiance's name here]". I walk a few step, stop, go back in reverse, look at him and go "You're here?". Everyone but me laughs. * This die-hard tomboy gets this when wearing pink or a skirt. --> Friend: Hi, Phe. (Double Takes) Y-you do know that a pink shirt, right? --> Me: Yeah, so? --> Friend: I have to sit down. ---Yeah, so I think I'll just go back to the main page now...

[[DoubleTake Wait, the MAIN PAGE?]] ----

DownToTheLastMatch * I once went to see a play of ArmsAndTheMan. In the first scene there is a moment when the Swiss mercenary orders the lady of the house at sword point to light a candle. There were three matches next to the candle- all three went out before she could get the candle to light. The mercenary then herded her across the room to the other candle which had more matches. It wasn't until I returned the next night to watch the play again (it was so good I rounded up my roommate to go see it) that I discovered that this was not part of the play at all. There was now a ''full'' box of matches next to each candle. Of course this time around the first match lit the candle without trouble. The actors had ad-libbed the night before when things didn't work as planned- but so well that I didn't even realize it wasn't part of the script.

DownToTheLastPlay * I am really shocked that there isn't a Troper Tales page for this already...at a water polo game that determined whether or not we would play at 7:30 in the morning (and have to leave our houses at five), my team was tied against the other. One of the girls got an ejection, which lasts twenty seconds, but then came back in the pool too early. The refs waved her back. Normally, my coach wouldn't contest this, but seeing as there was a minute left on the clock, we had the JV goalie in the cage, and a tied game would end in a shootout...he yelled at the ref that her entering should have given us a penalty shot. The refs turned around and talked (seriously, it was right out of a movie), then turned around and walked silently back to their positions (the refs aren't allowed to talk). Then, the ref tossed me the ball. The first part of the whistle for a five meter and the whistle for restarting the game is somewhat similar, so he blew his whistle, we held our breath, and then he put up his hand and signaled a five meter. I took it, made the shot, and we won the game. * This troper has lost count of the times that his [BloodBowl] games have come down to insane last-down plays involving improbable sequences of dice-rolls. And it seems to work as often as not... Perhaps someone better at maths at me can work out the cumulative probability of: ** Dodge out of a tackle zone on 3+ (D6) ** Pick up the ball, which lies in two tackle zones: 5+ ** Dodge back out of said TZs: 3+ ** Throw a pass to a team-mate on the other side of the pitch: 6 ** Team-mate catches said pass: 3+ ** Team-mate then "goes for it" to move extra squares: 2+, twice. *** And if you fail, you'll ''always'' fail on the last Go For It. *** (4/6)*(2/6)*(4/6)*(1/6)*(4/6)*(5/6)*(5/6) = 1.14% * This troper has seen it once in the soccer tournament of his major. At mid-time, it was 3-0 for a team. In the second half, the ''goalie''

of the other scored two times... and on the final play, the best player of said team tied the game. * How my school's football team actually won a game this year. How many of the boy's games go (except, typically, we lose). * This troper was in a city spelling contest, and on the last item was tied for first. Not feeling confident about a tie-breaker, this troper managed to pull out the win. * This troper was playing a 4,000pt Apocalypse game of {{Warhammer40,000}}, Dark Angels against Eldar, the Dark Angels held two objectives, two were contested, and the Eldar held two going into the last turn, and it all came down to the Grey Knight Grand Master charging into a 5-man Pathfinder squad that held the Eldar Vital Objective (worth two objectives) on the last turn, and the game was lost 3-2 when one Ranger made a 5+ armor save against a Holocaust psychic power, leaving them alive at above half strength and able to claim the objective. * I was watching my high school basketball team play a close game that we had been losing narrowly for much of it. A few seconds before the end, with my school's team down by 2, a player made a 3-point basket to give the team a 1-point lead. Time to celebrate... [[DownerEnding except it wasn't]], because one of the players on the opposing sports team took the ball all the way down the court in the last 5 seconds and made a basket, literally right as the buzzer sounded. It was hard to even tell if the shot was made before the buzzer or not, and more complicated by the refs adding 3 seconds near the end for unclear reasons. Luckily, we got the last laugh by beating the same team in the playoffs a few weeks later. ---Going back to DownToTheLastPlay is gonna take one heck of a hail mary, but we can do it! Go team! ----

Drabble * Behold, the ultimate meta example, for I have written [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13022087140A01164700 &page=1#6 Drabble]] [[ShapedLikeItself ABOUT Drabble]]! ---Describe in 100 words your experience with the [[{{Drabble}} main page]].

DracoInLeatherPants * This Troper tends to do this to [[ThePhantomoftheOpera The Phantom]] unfortunately. ** This Troper does the same, in the fanfic she's currently-kindofworking on. She also makes Raoul a bit of a [[RonTheDeathEater Ron the Death Eater]]. What can she say? She doesn't like Raoul. * This troper could never help but romanticize [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotSymbolic Peter and Paul]] from {{Funny Games}}. Yes, the psychopathic murderers that the audience is ''supposed'' to

despise. She particularly adores Peter- in her eyes he almost obtains [[TheWoobie woobie]] status, with the way Paul is constantly making fun of him. This troper and her best friend have long conversations about Peter and Paul's connection, and how Peter is ''obviously'' in unrequited love with Paul, who is entirely aware of it and uses him because he can. Yes, I'm kind of ridiculous. ** And, of course, [[{{Skazka}} this troper]] and Leopold and Loeb. Not too far off, there, troper mine. (Of course, unlike most DILP subjects, this troper doesn't even try to retcon or explain away how fucked-up L&L were. In fact, she embraces it like a thing you'd embrace a lot. The psychological equivalent of UglyCute. And it helps that she doesn't forgive the two of them for murdering a child because of their respective fucked-uppedness.) * Rorschach keeps coming up in reference to {{Watchmen}}, but for [[JChance This Troper]], it was...Ozy. Particularly with [[EveryoneSoundsSexierIfFrench movie accent]]. Or maybe not-ThisTroper appreciates his {{Magnificent Bastard}}y rather than writing it off. * For [[AnthonyHead Some reason]] This Troper has leather pants'd the hell out of Uther Pendragon from the BBC's "{{Series/Merlin}}" despite his repeated [[KicktheDog Kick the Dog]] moments and the truth of Arthur's birth, I can't help but kinda sympathize with the guy...this has caused many many arguments with friends. * [[CompleteMonster If there can be any justification]] for putting [[MetalGear Colonel Volgin]] in leather pants... This troper has a close friend who is very similar to [[MoralityPet Major Raikov]], personality-wise (kinda scary, I know). Said friend therefore very easily identifies with Raikov, and is able to see Volgin through the same rose-colored glasses he does. As for this troper herself... she just got dragged along for the ride. There really is no excuse. * I had a crush for a really cute, but cold as snow boy when I was around 12; he even kinda looked like Draco. Nevermore, please. Really. The boy was cruel to the point of [[KickTheDog kicking the nerd, I mean, me]]. Alas, that was the thing that made me stop liking the pest. Since then, I started liking the nerdy, shy boys. Trauma-induced change in preferences. * A huge stretch because she's not really villainous, but for this troper the most attractive character in MulhollandDrive to him wasn't Betty or Rita. It was Watts' other character (and the true main character) Diane Selwyn. Depressed, reclusive, suicidal, [[PsychoLesbian borderline psychopathic]] Diane Selwyn. It's partially because she has an air of maturity and jadedness about her that her fantasy persona Betty lacks, and it's partially her edgier hairstyle, but it's mostly because he [[TheWoobie just wants to give her a big hug and get her on her feet.]] * Out of all the characters of ''LordOfTheFlies'', this troper liked Jack the most when forced to read the book for English class because he was ''[[EvilIsSexy eeeeeevil]]'', and therefore so much better than any of the other characters (who got on her nerves). She also pictured him being pretty hot, probably because she thinks redheads are hot. ** This Troper finds this amusing because if he remembers correctly, part of the reason Jack was so very, very jealous of Ralph was that

Jack was ugly. * [[{{Lurkerbunny}} This troper]] is willing to forgive any evil character, no matter how despicable, played by the late Anthony Ainley. Not just [[Series/DoctorWho The Master]], but also Rev. Emilius from ''The Pallisers'', Deitz the treacherous German in ''The Land That Time Forgot'', and even [[spoiler:the rapist]] in the movie ''[[spoiler:Assault]]''. It helped that he was a nice man in real life and sort of a fan letter pen pal. Besides, [[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v482/80sFreakLurker/new%20cute%20p eople%20album/aainley_2.jpg just look at him]]. Can you blame me? However, since this troper's focus has shifted to [[RobinWilliams certain other people]], she could call her version of this trope "[[LawAndOrderSVU Merritt Rook]] In [[MorkAndMindy Rainbow Suspenders]]". It's SickAndWrong, I know. ** There was also a G-rated version in the above troper's childhood: Evil The Cat from ''EarthwormJim''. She would constantly make up stories in her head about how he's not really evil (even though it's right there in the name). It wasn't sexual at all, she just liked cats. She really could not believe that anyone could hate cats so much to make one truly evil... and was very depressed to find out many years later that [[CatsAreMean it's actually very common]]. *** This troper had a similar motive for suggesting that the Cat O'Nine Tails enemies in Donkey Kong Country II were not evil (it helps that they don't seem to be [[ReptilesAreAbhorrent reptilian]], although many other enemies aren't), and assumed they weren't part of the Kremlings' forces. * This Troper hopes to avert this trope as much as possible! Not only is the villain in my story a resident of UncannyValley, but he is a serial rapist who leaves semen-stained underwear for his stalked victims! * Out of all the characters in Tales of Vesperia, perhaps my favourite was Zagi. Zagi was at first a GiantSpaceFleaFromNowhere but then the current BigBad / ClimaxBoss sics him on you...then he just keeps coming and coming back at you practically out of nowhere. I have no idea why I liked him, for some reason his boss battles seemed funner than most and he loved how mysterious that was. Hey, nothing's wrong with a classic Serial-killer or maniac subvillain now is there? * This Troper knows that May Wong was supposed to be a "villain" (or at least TheLibby) in KaleidoStar...but Jesus she's just so adorable and pretty and...well, {{Moe}}. I honestly can't bring myself to dislike her. I mean for crying out loud they couldn't have at least made her older or less mind-numbingly cute? Really, that's our villain? Really? I'm supposed to hate '''this'''? [[http://silvanasweet-girl.piczo.com/?g=45493413&cr=7]] She looks like a Barbie doll in a tutu! ** She ''does'' go through CharacterDevelopment that makes her less of a {{Libby}} after [[spoiler: she breaks her arm]]. Nothing wrong with liking her after that. * One of this Troper's friends has essentially become a real-life DracoInLeatherPants (and is a bit of a KarmaHoudini). I feel like I'm the only one who can see everything they're doing for what it really is, and it's frustrating and ''painful...''

* [[{{Taelor}} This Troper's]] mother and father are huge fans of ''MadMen'', their favorite characters being [[MagnificentBastard Don Draper]] and [[IneffectualSympatheticVillain Pete Cambell]], (respectively). Both are willing to go through extremely convoluted mental contortions to justify/excuse their favorite character's numerous KickTheDog moments, while simultaneously condemning the others'. As for ThisTroper, his favorite character is Joan Holloway, whom he freely admits is evil. He is guilty of giving this treatment to [[TheDresdenFiles Lara Raith]] and [[{{Dollhouse}} Adelle DeWitt]], however. * [[TheGunheart This troper]] has always liked foxes, so it's only natural that he sympathized a bit with Sela from {{Redwall}}. Seriously, she's a mercenary healer who's hired to heal the villain...and secretly intends to sell his battle plans to the ''good guys''. Than Constance (still one of my favorite characters, mind you) shows up, beans her over the head and takes the plans without leaving a dime, and she's killed by Cluny shortly afterwards. Of course, Chickenhound can just die in a fire. ** Ditto. Stupid {{fantastic racism}} and {{black and white morality}} make any morally grey character with half a brain's worth of sense in their head bite the dust! * This troper tends to reflexively rationalize the misdeeds of evil or morally gray characters he likes (particularly Cornelia from CodeGeass, Soifon from {{Bleach}}, Kariya and Uzuki from TheWorldEndsWithYou) by four major ways 1)often by emphasizing the better parts of their personality(Cornelia's love for [[BigSisterInstinct her younger sister]] [[MoralityPet Euphemia]]), 2)judging their deeds as less bad as other evil characters, 3)suggesting mitigating circumstances (like Soifon's hostility toward others partly due to how obnoxious her own lieutenant is), or 4)AlternateCharacterInterpretation (suggesting that Soifon is LawfulNeutral as a result of pressure to live up to her family's standards, but that for Yoruichi's sake, she'd willingly turn [[NeutralGood Neutral]] or ChaoticGood). His attitude in response to bringing up such characters' transgressions is more often a "Yes, but..." than "That's not true!" ** [[{{Sneebs}} This Troper]] sometimes catches himself doing this, too. [[{Lost}} Ben Linus]] may be a manipulative and borderline sociopathic individual, but the poor guy had such a rough lot in life and still manages to endure almost all of the terrible things which happen to him with a degree of confidence that's undeniably admirable. * [[{{emmaliza}} This Troper]] has a bad case of this for Glory of ''BuffyTheVampireSlayer''. Yes she's a pure evil arrogant ex-god, but she's so pretty and ditzy and wants to go home! ''Dammit.'' * [[{{Quillpaw}} This troper]] knows full well what a cold-hearted, manipulative, uncaring, two-faced bastard [[spoiler:[[PhoenixWright Matt Engarde]]]] is, and knows full well that he would NEVER experience guilt or remorse, or feel any genuine connection with a woman. That didn't stop her from pairing him [[spoiler:his [[EnemyWithout evil half]], no less!]] with her friend's character in a roleplay. * FacePalm* * This troper ([[http://www.fanfiction.net/~unknown20troper

unknown20troper]]) for [[FairlyOddParents Norm the Genie]]. This troper completely misinterpreted practically everything about him and only realized it when he was put on the DracoInLeatherPants. This troper realizes now that he is a cruel, prideful, jerk and she likes it that way . In fact, this troper now has a terminal fear of writing him even a bit OOC without a good explanation or having any kind of thought about him in which he is OOC. Probably helpful for keeping him InCharacter I guess. * While [[{{Turtleducks}} this troper]] was creating the antagonist/stalker for her newest series of original fiction, she actually ''[[InvokedTrope tried]]'' to make him so despicable he'd become a DILP for someone. Let's see, vampire? Check. Rich and welldressed? Check. Has infinite amounts of HoYay with the hero, who he stalks? Check. His little sister hated him after he was turned, giving him a tragic past? Check. Really, ''really'' good-looking? Check. Rapes and then devours little girls so he can retain his beauty? CheWAIT A MINUTE. ** Note: That sounds freaking awesome. * clap clap clap* *** I'm glad you think so! Now just wait until December, when the first novel (my [=NaNoWriMo=] project for this year) is finished and posted...somewhere! * This troper ''still'' thinks Alec Trevelyan from GoldenEye was far, FAR hotter than any of James Bond's multifarious incarnations. ** This troper thinks that is a logical corollary of being played by Sean Bean. * This troper, being TheMessiah, can't help but see Sasuke Uchiha from {{Naruto}} as a huge [[TheWoobie woobie]], even with all of his flaws. The reaction most Naruto fans had to Gaara? That's how this troper is about Sasuke. Unfortanately, I have MamaBear tendencies about him, and tend to come off as a rabid {{Fangirl}}... ** Same here; although she didn't really consider him a woobie until she saw the flashbacks to the massacre. He's just so adorable and kinda timid and ''has no idea what's going to happen''... * [[{{Sneebs}} This Troper]] is pretty sure this counts as DILP, liking a CompleteMonster like the BigBad of WhenTheyCry certainly ain't looks like watering down something! [[spoiler: Yes, Sneebs knows human experimentation, killing children in cold blood and mass murder are NOT socially appropriate or forgivable. But at the same time the back story of said character was so terribly tragic and said character's determination and commitment to their goal was extremely admirable ([[UnderStatement if a bit obsessive]]); at least, before before crossing the MoralEventHorizon anyhow. Still, that outfit worn once TheReveal happens is pretty stylish, especially [[{{NiceHat}} that hat]]. Except for the rather dreadful events that accompanied the revelation, the character had most of the traits of TheWoobie, and (In the best timeline of this series) that character's breakdown after the confrontation with the manifestation of Oyashiro-sama made me hope for a possible recovery and/or redemption (after all, that specific timeline had no major atrocities committed).It made me appreciate the epilogue of the anime's second season all the more. Yay! A happy ending can be possible!]] Still - child evisceration - WTF?! * [[Tropers/SirPsychoSexy This troper]] actually subverts it: yes,

[[YuYuHakusho Sensui]] is [[PerverseSexualLust hot]], yes, he's awesome, but he's still a NietzscheWannabe JerkAss, and the '''last thing on Earth''' this troper would want would be for him to be real (unlike most fans of DILP characters [[AllGirlsWantBadBoys who believe that they can fix]] [[HeelFaceTurn the evilness out of their fannish desire]]). He'd lock himself in his basement to save his own rear end from Sensui and/or the demon horde! (To be completely honest, he likes villians not because EvilIsSexy, but because [[SturgeonsLaw writing a really good, believable, human one is really hard to pull off]], and, when done properly, they're easily the most intersting characters in the show.) * Alex from ''AClockworkOrange''. Why yes I do have some issues ** And so do I. Pleased to meetcha. (And strangely, it's only for novel Alex-- the one who drugs and rapes twelve year old girls.) * Semi-aversion! I do have a few favorite villains I find interesting. Often because of their personality, competency, presence, sense of style, sheer terrifying evil nature - or all those combined! However, it doesn't mean I'd genuinely like them, want to befriend them, (heavens forbid)look up to them or even want to bump into them, anywhere, ever. Without further blabber, here's my squad of terror: Ringwraiths, Emperor Palpatine, Ser Gregor Clegane, Anton Chigurh, TDK Joker... Who knows if I find more? * [[{{mimichan3}} This troper]] always made fun of Draco in Leather Pants people and thought they were kinda dumb. Then she realised she had been doing the same thing for a long time. She has had a huge crush on [[{{Tokyo Babylon}} Seishirou Sakurazuka]] ever since she first read TokyoBabylon, which extended to {{X}} and {{Tsubasa}}. She got her mom hooked on TRC and they watch it together all the time. So when Sei-chan showed up, I told my mom he was really a nice guy in the original work, knowing she hates scary things so she would never see his original role. She realized she was exactly the same when she recently sifted through her picture collection of CLAMP guys and realized Seishirou, while still hot, kinda...scared her... * [[{{Gundam00}} NENA.TRINITY.]] What can I say? The girl's [[PerverseSexualLust freaking hot]], especially when she's crazy. ** Believe me, you're not the only one. [[{{Orihime}} This Troper]] is ''very'' averse to the DILP trope, but she can't help adoring both Nena and Rolo from CodeGeass... with the strange twist that she also ''adores'' the people they inflict more suffer on (Louise, for Nena; [[spoiler: Shirley]], for Rolo. And hell, if loving Suzaku and May Wong from KaleidoStar, as well as not wishing [[{{Bleach}} Mayuri's]] painful demise in the current moment (wait until the HM arc is over, at least) makes me a DILP lover, ''so be it''. *** Agreed on Nena. Probably one of the chief reasons this troper loves her is because he can't help but feel she got a [[CharacterDerailment raw deal]] in terms of writing. She's [[http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/m/thread/3505877 one of the director's favorite characters]], so geez, why couldn't they make her actually ''amount'' to something in Season 2? **** [[{{Joerc45}} I]] say, "Hear, hear". ** During [[MobileSuitGundam Ribbons]] [[TohruFuruya Almark's]] final battle with Exia in the finale of season 2, [[LordKelvin this Troper]]

found himself screaming at the screen, "Go Newtype boy! Show that whelp how they did it in the old days!" And then he lost... * This editor attempted to [[InvokedTrope intentionally]] do this in a [[DungeonsAnddragons D&D]] campaign, where one recurring villain was a [[TheWoobie misunderstood]] [[{{Bishonen}} cute]] [[HornyDevils tiefling rogue]]. The players didn't care. Oddly, a later CorruptHick Lizardfolk [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity rage mage]] was hugely adored by a few of the players, [[CompleteMonster despite her rampant racism and desire to slice up anyone who got in her way]]. ** Well Duh, you really think D&D players (who are mosty male) would care about some Red pretty boy problems wend they could have a CrazyAwesome Lizard Chick? *** [[AnythingThatMoves You don't know this editor's group.]] * Most of the time, this troper doesn't even find villains sympathetic/affable due to their looks, but simply from how they act ** [[{{Bleach}} Mayuri Kurotsuchi]], for one. People consider him a CompleteMonster KarmaHoudini, but I have always found him such an over-the-top character that even his KickTheDog moments amuse me rather than horrify me, and I was ''immensely'' satisfied by his epic fatality on Szayel Aporro-Grantz. *** Also from Bleach are 3rd Espada Tia Harribel, who I find sympathetic due to her MamaBear tendencies (it's nice to see a villain mourn when her friends die, you know?) and her generally honorable nature compared to her compatriots, and Gin, simply because Gin is EvillyAffable while at the same time having some slight humanizing factors in his relationship with Rangiku. He does refuse to consider sympathizing with Starrk DILP, though, because Starrk's ''not a [[AntiVillain real villain]], dammit!'' **** Seconding the Starrk thing. He wasn't bad, just really really lonely. ** Tabitha from AdvanceWars : Days of Ruin was also oddly sympathetic to me. Yes, she has some KickTheDog moments, but given that her father is a CompleteMonster and how AffablyEvil she can be, I get the impression she acts how she does because ''she doesn't know any better.'' It's certainly not helped by the fact she seems like the EvilTwin of [[FireEmblem L'Arachel]], one of my favorite video game girls. *** L'Arachel is funny. * Can anyone recommend some good Bellatrix Lestrange fics? ** Oh my god, you too? This (female, probably straight) troper just adores her! When you consider the way in which she was brought up (probably similarly to Malfoy,) and the fact that she's totally mental after Azkaban, and the fact that she's played by ''Helena Bonham Carter!'' Yes please. *** This female, very young, [[HaveIMentionedImHeterosexualToday very straight]] troper loves Bellatrix, too. I'm very happy she's not real, but I still adore her. She's hot, dammit. And I find her insanity and bloodlust creepy, but also oddly... intriguing. I wouldn't have anything against snogging the hell out of her, [[PerverseSexualLust despite her being much, much older than me...]] and a woman. It's my right to snog a completely crazy, middle-aged woman, dammit. And daaaang, her ''hotness''! *squee*(All right, maybe I'm not

''entirely'' straight.) * The nobodies for this troper, or rather, at least some of them. Rather it's mostly the nobodies in general because they just want to get their heart back or don't feel like they do exist, so they try and do stuff to make them believe they exist. Of course, many of the older nobobies usually think the newer ones are laid-back asses. * [[{{Morraeon}} This troper]] is almost notorious for being a subversion of this trope. About the first character she ever fangirled, at the age of fifteen, was the Sherriff of Nottingham, played by Alan Rickman, in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"; I think I was starting to grow aware my own inner demons at the time, and I found him weirdly attractive in a "Hey, let's cause some mayhem together" sort of way. Since then, I've had crushes on the Merovingian in TheMatrixReloaded, and in a rare femme-slash moment, Melisande Shahrizai from Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel'sLegacy novels, and my current object of fannish lust is now Muraki from YamiNoMatsuei: I've made jokes about offering him Literature/{{Twilight}} fangirls to experiment on as tokens of my affection * [[{{RHODESIA}} This Troper]] is NOT FURRY. NO SHE IS NOT. ...But Scar is so... so...! * [[HarryPotter Draco]], actually, for this troper. I blame the fact that Tom Felton is HOT. * This troper tends to assume just about everyone isn't strictly evil, particularly if they look cool. She has a distaste for people who try and excuse away horrible things just because the character doing them is pretty, though, so she tries to keep things in perspective. It's possible to like someone, to know that they're not a cartoon baddie and have actual ''reasons'' behind their actions, but still root for the good guys trying to stop them. Probably the best example is [[TheThrawnTrilogy Grand Admiral Thrawn]] - awesome, ''awesome'' character, [[ALighterShadeOfGrey morally ambiguous]], fascinating, but still far too ruthless and untrustworthy for her to want him to win. * This troper spent the whole summer of '09 making fun of Joker fangirls. Then she rewatched Batman Begins and fell hard for Scarecrow. Also, a very attractive guy played Mordred in her high school's production of Camelot, leading her to have some ... interesting thoughts about the character. * This troper is too terrified and nauseated at the idea that fangirls of Ledger's Joker even ''exist'' to be making fun of them. At the same time, she has kind of a... thing for two-face in many of his incarnations. Call it a combination of {{Woobie}} characterization and a [[HurtComfortFic hurt/comfort reflex]]. As much as I understand the need to keep the rogues gallery intact, I still find myself wishing the guy would get a HeelFaceTurn already. (Fortunately, I realize this is irrational enough that it needs to stay in my own head and well away from fanfiction.net...) * Would love for Ami from {{Toradora}} count? She's not exactly a villain as she is a BitchInSheepsClothing but still...I find her more loveable than the central characters. Go figure. Though it probably helps that [[JerkSue Taiga]] is her main target. ** Seconded. I don't hate tsunderes as a whole, but there are those

that take it ''way'' too far, and Taiga is one of them. Ami? No matter what she does to Taiga, I'll likely find it justified. * Averted HARD for this troper. Sadism is an INSTANT turn off for this troper, and will turn arousal into Red Haze in no time * This troper was best friends with a real life DracoInLeatherPants for five years. Not only did he emotionally abuse her and stalk her after she left, but he is even worse to his much more timid, compliant new girlfriend (this troper's ex-friend). Another reason Edward from "Twilight" gives her the squicks. * This troper's sister has this for Drakonnan bad. She even insists he is not evil, and just a poor, sad guy with a ruined heart. * [[HappyTreeFriends Not furry for Flippy]] [[MadnessMantra NOTFURRYFORFLIPPYNOTFURRYFORFLIPPY NO NO NO ABSOLUTELY NOT NO]] * [[{{Griffin}} This troper]] feels very pathetic about doing this for ''her own villain characters.'' One of them, an OmnicidalManiac, was really just trying to [[LoveMakesYouEvil impress his fiance,]] and in-RP, has actually accepted that [[TragicDream he can never]] [[IWantMyBelovedToBeHappy have her.]] And another character, not quite on the crazy-scale, but close, is currently having a very severe mental breakdown-although he was sympathetic at least a little bit in the beginning, since his StartOfDarkness was caused by him being [[AllOfTheOtherReindeer kicked out of his home]] because the elders were convinced he'd become evil due to his [[FantasticRacism species.]] So...[[SelfFulfillingProphecy yeah.]] * While {{Peanuts}} does not have a large fanfic writing fandom, there are still enough Lucy-centric fics to cause This Troper to conclude that 90% of all Peanuts fanfic authors will do this to Lucy. Unfortunately, This Troper gets really annoyed when they take it a bit to far and completely ruin the crabbiness that makes Lucy Lucy. * [[{{Gorank}} This Troper]] is a huge fan of [[{{Kirby}} Zero]]. I'm not attracted to it, I just want to give it a hug. I mean, it could never have any friends because it looks like something out of a nightmare. It slipped into a deep depression. Sometimes, when I get upset, I find the happiness of others annoying. Now, multiply that by a million, and I see why Zero did what it did. * This Troper knows it's sickening, but watching ''CriminalMinds'' he ended up [[EvilGloating gloating]] along with Karl Arnold aka "The Fox". * This troper feels [[TheTempest Caliban]] doesn't deserve all the hate he gets. * In my opinion, DILP'ing ''fictional'' villains is a harmless outlet as long as the person doing it is reasonably self-aware and able to separate fact from fiction, so I don't understand why some people get so up in arms over the practice. Your kink is not my kink, and that's okay and all that. However, when it's a ''real life'' sicko, criminal or sociopath that gets DILP'ed, I can't help but cringe. * This troper actually ''sorta'' did it for a ''GoldenSun'' fanfic. (Before III was announced, mind you.) Instead of him dying, Alex was sorta petrified inside a giant rock in the crater that was Mt. Aleph (called the "Aleph crater") for a couple hundred years. So after the new set of main characters decide to explore it, they notice a large boulder and knock it over...which breaks and contains...Alex, who

suddenly wonders where he is. Everyone follows him because the only thing he can remember (at the moment, since he was more or less going blank once Mt. Aleph collapsed and still thought he was there) is Vale and Mt. Aleph. Not knowing, the characters decide to take him to the "new Vale" (Which they don't know of) and Alex finds out Alchemy has returned...so he immediately decides to, you guessed it, take over the world again...except he's only ''secretly'' plotting it, hoping to instead use the people who saved him as "The new Saturos, Karst, Agatio, and Menardi". Long story short, he eventually decides it's not worth it and reforms. ** This also sorta turns out to be a gambit by the Wise One. The Wise One actually released him ''from'' the boulder he was trapped in in the first place because it felt that Alex had reformed and wouldn't try to take over Weyard again. And as a security measure...the dudes who released Alex were capable of killing him if he ''did'' try to become perfect. * This troper wrote a fic where [[SailorMoon Chaos]] is the protagonist. Chaos became more of a cynical, DeadpanSnarker with some sadistic tendancies, rather than the original CompleteMonster BigBad. This was obviously not based on appearance, as Chaos is just some giant black void thing (well, shapeshifter in the manga) with no actual gender. It was more based on the fact that in the SailorMoon fandom, evil seems to get no love. * This troper managed to do this quite unknowingly as a young child; I had a Harry Potter Lego set that included a Draco Malfoy figure, which I pretended was a good guy (I even put his head on a Gryffindor body). That was, however, due to insubstantial numbers of good guys. * This troper can't help but see the e [[BadassNormal Malta]] [[KnightTemplar Group]] in CityOfHeroes as a well-intentioned group of freedom fighters, sticking up for the rights of ordinary human beings in a world which [[BewareTheSuperman worships superheroes as gods]]. They [[IDidWhatIHadToDo do the dirty work needed]] to [[WellIntentionedExtremist keep the world safe for democracy]], and sometimes that involves [[KickTheDog a lot of dog-kicking]]. I know that they topple third-world governments, kidnap and brainwash people, blackmail superheroes and supervillains alike into doing their dirty work, and tried at least twice to kick-start WorldWarIII, but still... they are just too awesome. * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]] is looking at you, [[spoiler:[[HigurashiNoNakuKoroNi Miyo Takano.]]]] What can I say, I love those [[BuxomIsBetter busty]] [[BlondesAreEvil blondes!]] * [[{{Tropers/JackRudd}} I]] have written many {{Neighbours}} fanfics with Lisa Jeffries as a sympathetic protagonist. Over the course of them, she has mutated from TheLibby to a KnightInSourArmor. You probably don't want to ask, but [[http://www.neighboursfans.com/fic just in case you do]]... * It's more of {{Rooting For The Empire}} than anything else, but lacking a better place to put it I'll admit that part of me wants to root for [[{{Cave Story}} The Doctor]]. What the hell is ''wrong'' with me?!? I also can't help but look at [[{{Goblins}} Dellyn Goblinslayer]] as just doing his job and protecting his people. Making someone a {{Complete Monster}} ''does not work'' on me.

** It gets worse: I've done this to real people. As a kid, one of my early ''DungeonsAndDragons'' characters was a paladin based on 15thcentury CompleteMonster Gilles de Rais. Why do you think I overlooked all his atrocities? Because he had a [[AwesomeMcCoolname cool name]] and a [[BadassMustache neat little mustache]]. * This troper used to do this to [[ShamanKing Hao]], based more on how freakin' awesome Spirit of Fire was and his bitchin' pants than any sort of sexual attraction. On the other hand, there is no excuse for her DILPing of [[FinalFantasyVIII Ultimecia]] * This troper doesn't have a personal one, but she had a character who was a pretty big {{Jerkass}} but people thought he was pretty darn attractive. So she drew him wearing leather pants. * Tropers/{{JET73L}} discovered the feeling of being the victim of [=DiLP=] Syndrome shortly before cancelling an edit for WesternAnimation/AdventureTime. The edit in question was to have been adding to the DracoInLeatherPants example ("Marceline the Vampire Queen. Of course, [[YourMileageMayVary YMMV]]"), "...both for the [[InformedAttractiveness Leather Pants]] part, as well as the [[AlternateCharacterInterpretation Draco]] part". While it ''seemed'' legit based on the episode where her "evil" was [[NotWhatItLooksLike actually being nice]] or [[PokeThePoodle just messing with people]] ([[KillerRabbit especially with]] [[HiddenPurposeTest Finn]]), is [[DevilInPlainSight that]] not the meaning of DracoInLeatherPants? * This {{Pokemon}} fangirl just does not understand why everyone digs [[{{Jerkass}} Silver]] so much. But she becomes quite hypocritical, as she really likes Cyrus, for some reason. ** This troper is just as bad; he loves ''alot'' of Pokemon villains (Cyrus included), yet cannot '''stand''' the Draco treatment given to [[JerkAss Paul]], who, IMHO, has much ''less'' of a reason or excuse to be the way he is than the actual professional ''villains'' of the franchise! He's just a poorly-written borderline sociopath. * Both my younger brothers have this for Azula from Avatar The Last Airbender, to the point of claiming all the good characters are Ron the Death Eater. I kind of regret introducing them to that show, they pretty much ruin it for me by getting into crazy arguments with random people about how Azula isn't really a villain. IT. IS. SO. ANNOYING. ** Newsflash to above troper's brothers: a [[AlasPoorVillain tragic]] [[JerkassWoobie villain]] is '''still a freaking VILLAIN!''' * I don't know if this counts, since it's not sexual attraction, but I feel so bad for [[CompleteMonster Patrick]] [[TheSociopath Hockstetter]] from Stephen King's IT when he dies. I actually feel pretty bad for everyone in Henry's gang, possibly a little more than the good kids. I don't know why this is, but Sai King's writing really draws my sympathy towards the villain. Maybe because he goes into detail describing how they had a [[FreudianExcuse crappy childhood]] that shaped them, maybe it's because he tortures the shit out of them before they die, but something just makes me feel pity and not glee when the villains finally get what's coming to them in King's work. In fact, the only villains I didn't feel bad for after they were killed were [[TheDragon Walter O'Dim]] and the [[EldritchAbomination Crimson King]], and that itself is even more confusing(considering how I cried like a baby when [[WoobieDestroyerOfWorlds Mordred Deschain]] was

killed by his own father's guns). What is it about King's writing that makes his villains so damn sympathetic! * One of my online friends was obsessed with Draco Malfoy for years, even writing a story featuring him in leather pants. She's still sort of in love with him, though not so obsessed as she was a year ago. Poor Christie will NeverLiveItDown. * Exemplifying when my RubyQuest circle starts talking about a certain [[ForScience Dr.]][[MorallyAmbiguousDoctorate Fil]][[DrJerk bert]]: --->'''This Troper + two of her friends:''' Filbert [[SayItWithHearts <3]] --->'''Everyone else:''' *grimaces* * When this troper's old High School took "And Then There Were None" to the State Thespian Conference, the actors and techies were all rather amused at how many girls were giving the actor who played Wargrave goo-goo eyes after the play. He wasn't a bad looking guy by any means, [[OmnicidalManiac but]] [[TheSociopath seriously]] [[CompleteMonster people?]] * [[Tropers/LordBlumiere This tropette]] is prone to doing this, as villains are just more interesting characters in the first place, especially if they have a TragicBackstory. Off the top of her head, there's [[TokyoMewMew Deep Blue]] (who honestly had a decent excuse-[[spoiler:Earth was his planet in the first place, and he just wanted to go home]]), [[TheHollows Algaliarept]], [[{{Mabinogi}} Cichol]], [[{{Kirby}} Zero and Zero-Two]]... she could go on. * [[Tropers/LargoQuagmire This Troper]] and her friends were horrified to realize that we/they wanted {{Cillian Murphy}}'s [[TheDarkKnightSaga Scarecrow]] to kill Rachel Dawes simply because Murphy is gorgeous and, as such, [[UnfortunateImplications should succeed in the end]]. DracoInLeatherPants isn't always a happy fun time trope... * I don't care what anyone says, my ladyboner for Sephiroth forgives a lot. He's just a fictional character, after all, no actual [[ItWasHisSled Aeriths]] were harmed in the making of this game. * This troper has a bad case of this for Takuma, the AxCrazy kid who piloted The Behemoth, in Fullmetal Panic. Yes, he is an ax crazy little fellow, and a terrorist, but he has a touching love for his sister figure, and, well, fine, I pity him and just want to give the little guy a hug. * This trooper remembers reading a Sec/OC story(Doctor Who) but left aftre '''Dalek'''Sec what OOC(and the rest of the Daleks) noodles to say I left aftre the first chapter here is the link in case you get curies.[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4240924/1/Katie_in_Manhattan]] * This troper never, since childhood, liked the "good guys", while having some weird fascination withbad guys, especially {{Complete Monster}}s. * This tropette enjoys applying (un)healthy doses of the Leather Pants to [[{{Bleach}} Ichimaru Gin, Szayel Apporo Granz,]] and [[{{Naruto}} Orochimaru.]] *{{Squee}}*. They yummeh. You can't spell "BadAss" without "[[IncrediblyLamePun Bad.]]" * Not this troper himself, but someone he knows on a comic book forum takes this UpToEleven where [[{{X-Men}} Magneto]] is concerned. To the point where even the VillainWhitewashingService can't keep up with how

much of Maggie's bad deeds he's willing to blame on someone else. * I have a tendency to be really tempted to do this to Scarecrow. [[AvertedTrope Therefore, when I write fanfiction I keep a list handy of the top ten evilest things he's done, just so I don't go overboard with my sympathy for him.]] * This troper loves to do this to, '''of all people''', [[DextersLaboratory Mandark.]] And of course for Dexter it was [[RonTheDeathEater the other way around.]] In fairness and honesty, Mandark is a FetishFuelStationAttendant- AsianAndNerdy, [[EvilIsSexy evil]], [[NerdsAreSexy ner]][[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment dy]], ZettaiRyouiki (RareMALEExample!), TallDarkAndSnarky (well, ''sort of''...) * This troper does this in a non-romantic way with the [[MaryShelleysFrankenstein Universal]] [[TheMummy movie]] [[CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon monsters]]. End of BrideOfFrankenstein ? [[spoiler: The monster kills himself because the only other creature like him hates him.]] What does the Mummy want? [[spoiler: to be reunited with his lover]] What happens to the Gill man at the end of The Creature Walks Among Us? [[spoiler: he possibly drowns because humanity tried to make more human]]. The only ones I don't feel sorry for are [[CompleteMonster Dracula]] and the [[ScienceIsBad Invisible]] [[HumansAreBastards Man.]] * [[{{Farscape}} Scorpius/Harvey.]] He could be scary and as Harvey he could be pretty damn funny. He was ruthless, but he was fighting with a greater evil. He was extremely intelligent and cunning. He was a total [[TheWoobie woobie]]. It's obvious that he desperately loved Crichton. And he was menacing even though he wore a ridiculous S&M suit... He's a great sci-fi villain that This Troper prefers even to Darth Vader and Doctor Doom. * Here's a weirder example, Icy Angel from Power Rangers Lost Galaxy (a monster of the week nonetheless). But she just had such a sexy secretary/librarian vibe with what looked like gold fashionable glasses. One of the few example of DILP that doesn't turn a hero into Ron the Death Eater, only ones I really blame here are Trakeena and oddly enough, Icy Angel herself for not having a mind of her own like In Space's bee monster Waspicible. Still, I never thought a monster of the week, usually meant to deliberately look bizzare and unattractive, would actually serve as Fetish Fuel. * It could be argued that I DILP Miko Miyazaki of TheOrderOfTheStick. Yes, she's the epitome of LawfulStupid, a bloodthirsty zealot unable to admit she's wrong - and yet I feel a certain sympathy for her due to her total social cluelessness and lonely backstory. (It helps that she's an AntiVillain with some good qualities, such as an unflinching self-sacrificing attitude and ChronicHeroSyndrome.) Admittedly, I also lust after her - she's badass enough to take on the whole Order singlehandedly and win, her stick figure conveys how beautiful she is amazingly well, and she has that adorable confused "hmmm" expression when people tell her she's hot or [[EntendreFailure make sexual references]]. * Nearly every villain in every movie, show, anything I have ever seen becomes this in my mind some way or another. They are just [[LargeHam more entertaining]] than the heroes and sometimes their villainy is

also just an InformedAbility. ---I know I shouldn't go back to Main/DracoInLeatherPants... but the eviller the deeds, the greater the orgasm! <<|TroperTales|>>

DraggedIntoDrag * This troper knows so many females that have desired or suceeded in dressing boys up in girls clothing. This troper is also one of said females. * This Troper played with the trope - she was a very enthusiastic helper when one of her friends decided to dress up as a guy for prom. She wouldn't mind helping a guy either, though. * This troper is a WholesomeCrossdresser, so it's not like any convincing/pleading/etc. is required to prompt donning feminine attire and such. However, whenever I've needed my female friends for extra help, well... yeah. One of my friends works as a make-up artist, and I've never seen her smile as much when applying make-up on anyone else. Another one of my friends said the general idea is fun for girls. * Subverted with this troper and her friends. I hang out with ALOT of drag kings and queens, and in our various circles, doing drag professionally or semi-professionally is considered the height of cool. One of my amateur friends is trying to get me to do a number with him...I'm reluctant not because I don't want to cross-dress, but because I'm scared of performing on a stage. One of my trans guy friends said he would give me his old binder, though, and [TheDandy another friend] offered to lend me his clothes, so I'm starting to come around... * This troper and her friend did this to the friend's brother. He's... rather feminine-looking, so the effect was startling. [[WholesomeCrossdresser He also loved the whole undertaking.]] * This Troper was at a friend's birthday party, and sat down to watch the ending of Forrest Gump on her T.V. When I got back up again, the rest of the girls had put makeup on a male guest's face, and were escorting him down the hall to put on the friend's dress. We then walked him down the street and back. * This is horrible OldShame, but this troper's very feminist English teacher in 9th grade had the class put on a private ''RomeoAndJuliet'' play that only the class would see, and instead of the parts being defined by gender she had us draw character names out of a hat, and we'd have to memorize that character's lines and play that character. This male troper was the lucky guy who picked Juliet, and thus got to be fitted with the perfect-sized dress and a wig by some enthusiastic female classmates. * This Troper's school has a cross-dress day, I shit you not. The really, really disturbing thing about it is that some of the guys when crossdressing are strangely convincing, with many having better legs (after shaving, of course) than many of the women. Oh yeah, and a very good friend of mine kept asking me to participate in it, and I finally broke down and she gave me one of her shirts and a skirt. I wore the

skirt and shirt she gave me for one period, then quit. Should I do this next year, and should I ask for a skirt or dress and some tights? (I probably won't, but I think it'll be fun to look at the replies.) ** P.S-it was a completely normal skirt and shirt. Now that I think about it it's kind of weird she didn't get me a pair of tights and/or something frilly, because she seems like the kind of person who'd want to dress me like that. ** Lol, my school has an unofficial cross-dress day too, I totally know what you mean. It's hilarious. Our school has uniforms, so guys and girls swap uniforms and it can be really hard to tell, from a distance, what gender is what. For you, I say go all out: the more over-the-top the better. ** I was thinking I would ask her for clothes (Skirt or dress and some tights) before the day, and I'd try them on and see if it would work. * For a school play, this troper had to help dress up our main (male) lead as a girl for a photo. Actually, all the girls in the class helped--from the wig to the makeup to the dress to the expressions he needed to make to look more feminine. And yes, it was fun all around. (Except maybe for the guy in the dress.) * Being a younger brother at a slumber party was hell for This Troper. My sister and her friends took me into their room and put a pink dress on me. They also put makeup, nail polish and perfume on me as well as a ribbon in my hair. To make it worse, I was forced to stay there as they watched Legally Blonde and fell asleep. ** So [[http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=ion=&q=slumber+party%2BFemdom#/dde zed this]] was based on you? * In Lit class freshman year, the class split into groups to do a 32second ''Macbeth'' reenactment, using only key lines and actions. We presented, and the best actors for each character got to go up, don costumes, and present together for a 16-second reenactment. [[@/OhNoes I'd been chosen]], and my character was Lady Macbeth. I'd picked out an amorphous shawl-like thing and a cap for my costume. The teacher walked out there, took one look at me, and said, "Oh come on, dude." She proceeded to force me into the floweriest, fluffiest pink dress in the ''building'', and paraded me onto the "stage" we'd made of the classroom. [[HilarityEnsues Hilarity ensued]] for the class (I'm the PerkyGoth who ''never'' dresses in anything but monochrome) and embarrassment ensued for me. [[NeverLiveItDown People've still got]] ''videos'' of it, man. * My insane sixth grade teacher: "All right, since all the girls are doing something else, I need five guys to dress in drag, dance around on stage and pretend to get a needle stuck in their arm, and volenteers?" The kicker? The 'volenteers' were on the football team.

DreadfulMusician * A clarinet player in this troper's high school band, who insists on playing as loudly as she can. For reference, she can't play the B flat scale all too well. Which is, by the way, the very first thing we learn how to do aside from play the notes. Made worse because she's all you can hear in her section.

* This troper has a friend who insists on playing every concert and event put on by his university faculty. This is made worse by the fact that his singing voice is not dissimilar to the drunken moaning/mourning of a tramp, and his guitar playing consists of moving around one chord shape which is a particularly dissonant chord to begin with. It hurts. * There is a fellow at this troper's school who probably counts. He plays guitar, which is OK. He's actually rather good at that. The problem is that he often sings along to whatever he's playing on his guitar, and he is an AWFUL singer. He's so bad that he actually sounds like he's [[HollywoodToneDeaf singing badly on purpose]] to mock the song, but no. He really is just that bad. * I went to church one time, and for about fifteen minutes before it started, the choir played the same song, on a loop. The choir itself was fine, and the soloist was passable, except when they got to the chorus and she proceeded to sing a single (long) note, VERY out of tune, and sang it the same way every time. Being a musician, I cringed every time. Afterwards my family was discussing how out of tune that single note was, and my fater expressed that maybe it was written that way. I quickly replied, "If it was written that way, the songwriter needs to be shot." * I'm definitely not the greatest singer (and not very good), but I manage to stay somewhat on tune. Too bad I embarrassed myself on Guitar Hero singing {{Paramore}}'s Misery Business. Could not hit those high notes for my life. * I definitely count as a guitarist. I use tons of distortion and effects to cover up my lack of skill.

DreamApocalypse * [[{{Atagamay}} This troper]] regularly has dreams in which she is living in some alternate world that starts falling apart at the seams despite her best efforts. Basically, I try a bunch of things that were supposed to repair the world, they don't work, I watch reality collapse and all the friends I've made in that world painfully fizzle out. I usually wake up either looking out at the hollow shell of what the world once was, or walking back to my original reality on a path. ** This troper is having some sorts of "episodic dreams": basically, I have a dream, the dream stops when I wake up, and a few days, weeks, or even ''years'' later, the dream restart ''exactly'' where it stoped last time. Some dreams I had when I was three or four years old are still continuing nearly a quarter century later. ** This troper only gets episodic dreams when she's running a high fever and not a little delusional. She wakes up repeatedly and returns to the dream, both time it's happened she saved the world/setting, came back later to fragile peace and characters who were both angry at her and desperate that she do something, and once more when things have more or less gone to Hell without her. It always goes from less to more nightmarish, and if she's ''really'' feverish the characters sort of... stick around for a while when she's awake, and keep saying that she [[AchillesInHisTent needs to come back]], she's the only one who can save them. ...Weirdly, she gets the feeling that she's someone

else in each "episode", yet they all know who she is. *** Sounds like said troper is a dream incarnation of the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_Champion Eternal Champion]]. ** A similar thing happened to [[{{Freiberg}} This Troper]], when he had a three part epic dream, which at one point carried over to a DreamWithinADream. Basically, the world was being overrun by [[LawyerFriendlyCameo the Borg]], and he at one point dreamed he woke up, and reached for the MP3 player/radio he keeps by his bed...and heard nothing but static on all channels, except one which was sounding a general alarm and telling people to evacuate. He then got up and went out to fight them, and the dream continued. The dream ended with the total takeover of the world, leaving him as the last human. He ran for a while, but was barely ahead of them and could think of nothing to do to save himself in the long run. [[MyDeathIsJustTheBeginning So he gave up and let himself be assimilated, which allowed him to wake up at last]]. ** This Troper likely takes the cake in the Episodic Dream department. Not only does he have one 'plotline' dream that's been going on for years and advances rather regularly, but has also dreamed several complete episodes of {{NCIS}}, including commercials. He has also dreamed an entire double-episode arc of {{House}} which, a year later, he still remembers scene for scene (and parts, word for word). During marathons, I've even expected to see it on TV, only to realize that the episode ''never actually existed''. ** This Troper only sees episodic dreams if it's on the same night, but many dreams reference each other. There's also two dreams which I have seen twice each, exactly the same each time. * This troper rarely remembers dreams, but when he does, sometimes shortly before he wakes up, all the creatures in them that can speak tell him "goodbye", and he becomes frightened and guilty because of it, not knowing why until he crosses over some kind of threshold - a literal door, a long distance, essentially a "load point" - and promptly wakes up and painfully realizes his new friends are all dead. All the more painful for the fact he doesn't have many real friends. * [[{{Valbinooo}} My]] dreams reference each other all the time. Sort of like how StephenKing's works sort of reference each other with TheDarkTower series unifying them. They also tend to run into each other. My mind also warps my school's layout [it's a big square IRL] and has consistently kept this warped layout throughout the years. This also happened to the local hospital's layout in my head. To the point where, in my dream, I can easily point out how to get someplace. And then this combines with meeting awesome new people and maybe falling in love with these dream people just a little [* innocent whistle* ], and then never dreaming about these characters again. [[WhatDoYouMeanItWasntMadeOnDrugs Don't even get me started on the other elements in my dreams.]] * This troper never have been in love... but a few years ago I had a dream, in this dream there was a girl. The dream itself wasn't about her, I don't remember the dream or who she was, but i remember that she helped me, and that I fell for her... then I awoke, Men i like the world i like my life, but then I hate everything because this is real and the dream wasn't... silly, isn't it?

* Speaking of Apocalypse in one of my dreams there was a cataclysm going, and I and some of my friends got the opportunity to swim in the now flooded schoolyard. * This Troper had a dream when she was 3... and every single solitary dream since has been a continuation or at least made references to past dreams. They all exist in an ever-expanding world and they follow their own laws and have continuity. A person dies there and they are dead. Consequences carry over. Buildings that ended up blowing up remain under construction for YEARS, and the world itself has mysteries and unresolved questions. This troper's had considerably few "bad dreams," but the ones she has had were absolute nightmare fuel. One character who should never have been there started referencing the forth wall and then... [[ItGotWorse things went downhill from there fast.]] * This Troper has recurring dreams which often involve or end with the end of the world. Sometimes I even cause it if the dream seems to be in a bad situation, Usually but puncturing a hole into the void, causing the whole world to collapse onto darkness. Void in this case being nonexistence been tween walls and reality, somewhat inspired by the void surrounding levels in 3D games. Luckily for all involved, this isn't permanent. Even things that vanish into the void of nothingness manage to come out somewhere else. People and creatures reincarnate in future dreams, and even objects, facts, even whole worlds come out somewhere eventually, even if it's never exactly the same. In fact it has gotten so I often in my dreams use "void-porting" to travel between worlds. Of course this risks unrepairable rupturing the dream, insanity or death for those of low will, and you still have almost zero control over where you go, but I only ever do it when I absolutely need to get away form something that can otherwise trace teleports. * This troper has various dreams of varying severity from being killed in a war, through being nuked or planet Earth being invaded by aliens / zombies / vampires / nanites / Eldritch Abominations to the whole Universe ending in the big rip. Yup, his subconscious is one dark and scary place... * This troper has often dreamt about WorldWarIII, sometimes nuclear. * [[KillerClowns This troper]] has had two odd variants of this. First time, I was stuck in a nightmare fighting a CompleteMonster when I realized I was dreaming and threatened to wake up if he didn't start obeying me. His response? A cocky smile, and something like "yes, but then you'll be back to the real world." I was not going through a good time in my life at the time, so that was a very painful thing to have pointed out. Later, when I possessed quite a bit more mental stability, I decided to ask one of the beings in my dream if she feared what happened when I awoke. Her rather zen response? "We are but fragments of your mind. [[BittersweetEnding Why would we fear becoming whole again]]?" * This Troper's dreams are too surreal to have continuity, therefore I cannot have dream apocalypses. I'm aversion (to my dismay.) * This troper read too much from the SCPFoundation and had dreams of how the world could end via SCPs. One of them involved a robot war when 808 and 682 swapped souls via 158. The dreams lasted 3 nights and

ended like End of Evangelion, except that everybody really dies. ** Care to tell us what SCP-808 was like? Because [[NothingIsScarier there's no page on it....]] *** [[http://web.archive.org/web/20081201142905/http://scpwiki.wikidot.com/scp-808 There you go.]] A fairly harmless (by SCP standards...) technopath. * once when this troper was in the hospital (and so doped up on painkillers that he would just fall asleep at any time.) He dreamed that he woke up, and no one was there. He pressed the nurse button, but no one came. he eventually looked around the building to find (guess what?) no one there. eventually he want outside. the was no one anywhere. after weeks in the dream he prayed for death to come. to reunite him with the rest of humanity. but no matter what, I wouldn't die. This troper eventually watched as the world around him crumbled, and as he slowly went insane... * This one time, I had a dream that started as a nightmare (which I used to have all the time). But it was all subverted and filled up with {{Nightmare Retardant}}s as I managed to evade {{Reality Warper}} {{Big Bad}} easily and in increasingly absurd ways. Finally I saw an exit beyond a darkned hallway. Knowing that something would attack me at the last minute (since that's what always happens in dreams), I chose to run and not stop for anything. Just before I made it to the exit, the whole dream slowed down and I felt myself enter that place between dream and reality. I knew I was in that hallway running just as well as I knew I was in my bed. I tried to pull back to sleep but failed and woke up just before I reached the exit. As you can imagine, I was quite angry at having my success stolen from me in such a manner >: ( * [[{{pkfan2004}} This troper]] is a very, very lonely man, and one night had a dream where he met a gentle, kind woman in a wheelchair. In my dream, we ended up walking up and down all over the woods and forests as I pushed her, talking and discussing things as we explored the bucolic countryside. Of course, I eventually woke up and felt a bit remorseful for having to leave her behind, but eventually got over it. Four months later, out of sight and mind, I saw her again. It's...difficult to put into words what it feels like to talk to a nonexistent woman and feel remorseful for not dreaming of her in months. * This Troper's had too many to count over the past few years. Earthquakes, tornadoes, firestorms, hurricanes, volcanoes... I swear I've hit every DisasterMovie trope in the book, too. * This troper once had a nightmare where spiders took over the world (not the tiny ones that hide inside your house, but ones the size of battle tanks) and, if you tried to escape from where you lived, you were devoured by either being swallowed whole by large spiders or being swarmed by huge numbers of tiny spiders. Also, their flesh was harder than bullets, as my dream self found out. I woke up before I found out how I would have died, but I suspect that it would have been the former. Also, in a comic version of this, a friend constantly claims that ducks will take over the world and that the lizard king will give us all our freedom. Yeah, he is a bit mad. * Yet another bizarre variant of DreamApocalypse. I was in a dream

featuring [[MassEffect Garrus Vakarian]], and [[MediumAwareness aware I was in a dream]]. Usually a lucid dream, perfect for [[JourneyToTheCenterOfTheMind self-exploration]] or [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential wreaking mayhem]]. Unfortunately, I didn't know ''whose'' dream I was in. I thought Garrus had dreamed ''me'' up, and if he woke, I'd be [[CessationOfExistence gone forever]]. As such, I was hellbent on keeping him asleep, and mistook my own waking up for ''him'' waking up, causing me to oversleep by ''two hours'' as I valiantly struggled to keep my own existence. NightmareFuel already, but to make matters worse, Garrus' dream was a nightmare in which the Reapers decided to change targets from the humans to the turians, and with the turian military nearly obliterated before his arrival, the only help he had protecting his dying home-world was a pair of human tourists: [[NonActionGuy me]] and, [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext for some reason]], [[SuperMarioBros Peach]]. * This troper had an interesting variation on this. Many years ago, he had a non-lucid but rather interesting dream where he was part of a small, valiant band of adventurers. Just as they reached the clichd "pile o' gold", one adventurer revealed that he was in cahoots with the BigBad, revived TheDragon we had just finished fighting, and enacted a TotalPartyKill. This troper then woke up, forgot about the dream, and went about his daily life. Cut to nearly a decade later, and he's having the exact same dream... up until the part where the rogue party member begins monologuing. [[PeggySue He suddenly remembers the last time he had the dream, recalls how it ends, and bisects the traitor.]] Cue everything coming apart at the seams due to a seemingly non-lucid dream being taken OffTheRails. * This troper has been having an episodic dream where he is in a Scifi/Fantasy universe. At one point, I got involved with a cult centered around an EldritchAbomination GodOfEvil. I was unable to stop the cult from completing the ritual, and the god attacked me. It decided that killing me was not bad enough, and instead [[MindRape broke my mind]]. The side effect of this was that I realized... I was in a dream. As a result, I dreamed myself up a similar EldritchAbomination form and obliterated the evil god. Drawback is, the lucidity involved in transforming myself into a PhysicalGod essentially corrupted the world, and I had to fix it. Unfortunately, the effort required to do so exhausted me in the dream and woke me up. This was rationalized by the planet collapsing beneath me, my form faded away, and my original body was scooped up by my friend's spaceship. Sadly, in the next part of the episodic dream, I forgot why I was able to transform, but at least I won't corrupt reality anymore * There was this one time I realized I was dreaming, but refused to wake up because I figured it would be cool to try some lucid dreaming. All my attempts failed hilariously (for example, I tried to summon a bunch of supermodels, I instead summoned a horde of rat-infested zombies.) Eventually, I came across this evil emperor who kept insulting me and being a jackass. I decided I had had enough, chewed him out and mocked him for being a figment of my imagination and that he was ultimately powerless against me. He responded by ordering his guards to kill me. I responded by giving them a chance to back down, then waking up. Take ''that'', subconscious!

* This troper has imagined a "kill-switch" in all of her dreams. The kill-switch is an automatic wake-up call from any dream imaginable (To clarify; I don't just want to wake up from scary dreams. It's handy if the dream is boring or I can sense that it's morning in reality). It can take almost any button-like appearance and it's usually on the underside of some furniture. The worrying part is that the one time I needed it when I couldn't reach it, the dream ended with suicide. * I have many dreams with my own "kill-switch" but its more like total lucid dream control, I have time manipulation, light & dark generation, and what not..of course if I do the 'stop time, wake up or change reality' I can only assume that I end that 'world' and create a new one. Kind of scary.....to think my mind destroys a whole universe and makes a brand new one each time....freaky. * I had a dream once set in the science fiction universe I write. It involved the three beings who guard the past, present and future turning evil and conspiring to bring about the worst possible future. It involved making every villain in the universe (the vast majority of whom are RealityWarpers) team up to destroy the utopic civilization that is the only reason the 'verse can even sustain itself. The villains win, and they even destroyed Heaven and the God of Light. It ended with the characters of the story forcing me to wake up so the entire story would never have happened. It was extremely disturbing, especially since I seemed to be the only person who ''didn't'' know it was a dream! * This troper was stupid enough to watch "Last Days on Earth" and then had a ton of episodic dreams where the world ended in various horrible ways. An asteroid, a black hole, heck even a zombie apocalypse where I cut off and cauterized my own forearm! I always tried so hard to save the world, but I always wound up being stuck getting hit by the destruction and feeling some part of it physically! * After having some complete MindScrew dreams in which this troper has lived the entire lives of completely different people with their own personalities, this troper wants to write a short story in which they all must deal with the fact that their universe will soon be violently destroyed. I might make it a TearJerker, as some of the characters know that they will cease to exist before they can achieve some of their own personal wishes(for example, the pregnant woman will never be able to see her own child, the man who killed an entire family in cold blood cannot atone for what he has done,etc.). ---This entire reality is collapsing! Quickly, go to back to DreamApocalypse before it's too late! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas * Since I live in the suburbs of Los Angeles, This Troper rarely sees snow. However, a few months ago, we had our first measureable snowfall '''in twenty-two years'''. Sadly, it was a few days after New Years, so it came too late. On the other hand, I remember one Chirstmas where

it was 80 degrees outside. * This troper had a university friend who came up to Canada from the tropics. She talked rapturously about how as a child she'd dreamed of spending Christmas somewhere properly cold and festive-looking, and how she couldn't wait for it to snow. Then it did, and she hated it as heartily as everyone else when she found out that instead of soft flakes falling gently from the sky like angel feathers to blanket the trees, it was more usually a stinging, icy powder, blown into your face by a howling wind, that was not only unsuitable for building snowmen -- too dry to pack -- but needed to be shovelled. ** This editor concurs. When he was in middle school, in [[ClevelandRocks Cleveland]], there was a new girl from the Bahamas who had never seen snow in her life. There's always some strange satisfaction in watching their wonder and bewilderment give way to the mundane annoyance the rest of us feel. * Sometimes, in the bitter north where I make my home, occasionally there's no snow on Christmas. Why? ''Because it is too cold to snow.'' Everyone thinks its the best present ever when there's not as much ice on the roads, and they don't have to shovel during the holidays. * This troper lives in Texas. We don't get snow except on isolated occasions, maybe once every FEW YEARS. Though he's gone up to his grandparent's house in Illinois, and there's always a lot of snow on the ground. * This troper went to France for christmas one year. Those descriptions of unrealistic snow? Somehow that is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. There was absolutely no wind, so it didn't feel very cold at all, and the snow had already fallen (it was about knee-deep, waist deep in some parts) so it was all of the pros of snow without any of the cons. Except for the fact that the holiday home we were renting had no heating and I woke up one night shivering uncontrollably for the rest of the morning but hey, what're you gonna do. * After seven years of living in Florida, this troper annually sees his grandparents in Arkansas, but it still never snows around that time of year. That all happened this year as I type this on my last day of vacation with them; Merry Christmas, my friends! * This troper's town hasn't had a white Christmas in eighty-three years. Guess what happened this year... * [[PurplePantherGirl This Troper]] lives in South Wales, in a valley. It ''never'' snows on Christmas, only in January (which means we get time off school) but never the less, everyone hopes for a white Christmas... * This troper has had a winter full of snow... except on Christmas. Truly the universe has a sense of cruel, cruel humor. * [[{{Tropers/Latia}} This Troper]] lives in southmost Texas and never saw a flake of snow...until [[{{LetThereBeSnow}} December 25th, 2004.]] It melted pretty fast but it was such an amazing day, complete with snow angels, snowball fights, and an (admittitly short and dumpy) snowman. Needless to say, [[{{CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming}} it was pretty much the best Christmas ever.]] * This troper grew up in Youngstown, Ohio (about an hour and a half southeast of [[ClevelandRocks Cleveland]]), and so had many White Christmases. Since moving to Indianapolis in 2004, I've yet to see

snow actually stick around here in December. (''If'' it snows at all that month. January is the big snowstorm month in central Indiana.) * Living in the Northwest, I've only ever had one white Christmas (I would've had two but the first year it snowed my family was visiting relatives in ''California'') but let me tell you, finally getting to open presents on Christmas morning while watching snow fall outside was one of the greatest things ever. * This Troper lives in Singapore, one degrees north of the Equator, and thus is always really excited when he sees snow in a foreign country, garnering odd looks from the locals. * We had a white christmas this year. It was even better because it snowed heavily on our first day back at school, so we had an extra three days off! * My mom and I do this every year because we live in the mountains. Unfortunately, these mountains are in Southern California. However, when we do get snow, it is either after Christmas, at the beginning of December so it's completely melted away before Christmas, or when we are visiting family in Utah for Christmas that year and they don't get any snow for that year. The one exception was Christmas in 2008 in which it was going to be a while Christmas either here or in Utah. One year, we actually got a white ''Thanksgiving''! * As a small child, [[{{Tropers.Takwin}} this troper]] firmly believed that it ''always'' snowed on Christmas, even in Texas. Poor mum had to explain, (multiple times; I was a slow child,) that just because it's Christmas eve doesn't mean snow is inevitable. GrowingUpSucks. * This troper is 31 years old and has lived most of her life in the Piedmont of North Carolina, where it rarely snows before January, if it snows at all that year. Until 2010, when we not only get December snow and ice storms, but also 3 inches of snow dumped on us on Christmas Day. It was the nice pretty fluffy white variety, and most of the roads were open day after, so it all worked out very nicely. Especially fun was watching the kids of my cousins from Florida go nuts outside. * This Floridian troper briefly lived in Georgia for two years. Most of the time during winter it was only cold, not snowy. Then it actually DID snow one winter. Me and my little brother got to playing in the (very thin) snow for the first time. For about 5 minutes before I was forced back inside. ---Go back to DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DreamingOfThingsToCome * A variation of this: some years ago, I had a dream including some big, white box/machine, where Mario and Link was inside. Then, a year or so later, Nintendo announced the Wii. * I get these every once in a while. I always worry that I will conjure something horrible and true in my sleep, and there'll be no way to stop it since there are no signs - I'm in the dream as an

audience watching a movie. So far, I've seen whole days of school and the coursework - so there's no real need to listen to the teachers because it is all very clear, complete deja vu material...although the worst was an ICE raid on a local meat-packing plant a few years back 3 months before it even happens. * This has happened to me a few times, but in a unusually entertaining way - I predict couples among my friends. The first time it happened, it took a year to come true. The next time, it was 3 months, and the third, a few weeks. My best friend seems to think I'm a psychic; personally, I think it's because of my shipping tendencies, and just random chance. ** Is it possible that you are a son/daughter of Aphrodite? * I sometimes dream about meaningless things, but months or years later, these events come true. Usually they are related to the school, but there had been a few times that are about more important things. * I do this a few times a year, and it usually comes true. The most recent ones even got a date...in one of them the dream had easter eggs in it, and it happened on easter, and the other had fireworks in it, and the event happened on a day where I did have a bonfire and let off some fireworks * I had a dream at age 14 that presaged a scene in a play I did at 17 -- including the cast, and a kiss. Costumes were a liiiittle off... * This troper(separating myself from above discussion), do not know if i am having dreams of what to come, but it seems like it. This troper is male, and i have had sveral dreams of me with big breasts. Everytime i wake up, it has been a relief to touch myself and find that they ware still small. But i have also dreamt that i became pregnant after sex with a girl. Only yesterday, i dreamt that i cut of a third of my penis with a knife. Am i becoming a woman in the future? God knows.

DreamingTheTruth Mysteries are best solved in your sleep. ---* [[MmmKay This troper]] once lost an important DVD somewhere, and I forgot where to find it. That night, I dreamt of a cardboard box full of blank DVD cases. The next afternoon, I found my DVD within a box of Ellos! Don't ask me why I put it there. * Many years ago, in the course of playing [[MightAndMagic Might and Magic 6]] this troper found himself frequently picking up horseshoes, and having ''no'' idea what they were for. Now this troper was young and didn't really get rid of anything: he was a massive packrat. At some point he got bored and played other games including [[OcarinaOfTime OOT]]. Queue a dream where Ocarina was an RPG staring link, and I had horseshoes which, when used, gave link skill points. Eventually I picked up MM6 again and, remembering the dream, was shocked to find that the Horseshoes did indeed give me skillpoints. * Averted: My psychology class actually tested this out for homework once. As an explanation for why we dream, the biological perspective has a theory that it's used to solve problems. We got set a sequence and told to find out what the next couple of letters were; none of us

got it. * I once stayed up long after my bedtime trying to get a geometry proof. My parents couldn't help, either.\\ In the middle of the night, I scrambled out of bed and wrote down the proof. * Okay, who else here used to get up and dressed for grade schoolonly to wake up and find they're still under the covers? * [[{{Tropers.ParadoxJuice}} I]] still do that! It angers me so! * Many years ago, I dreamt about a big, white box in the middle of the street A teddy bear climbed into it, and I followed him. Mario and Link was inside, and the bear jumped on a conveyor(spelled right?) belt, where he got stamped down, saying something like "stamping is a natural part of life". I then, for some reason, [[EyeScream ripped out my eye]] and [[{{Squick}} stomped down on it.]] Some years later, guess who releases their [[{{Wii}} ...not so big, but white console?]] I still wasn't sure about the relevance of the teddy bear and the eye, but recently it hit me... [[FridgeBrilliance the teddy bear is a symbol of the "kiddy" image the Wii and Nintendo has got unfairly "stamped" down on them, and me ripping out my eye symbolized that "no, i don't want to see this, I don't like this at all!" "Stamping is just a natural part of life" means no console really escapes some kind of negative portrayal.]] That must be it. * [[Tropers/{{Seanette}} I've]] several times awakened with the solution to some technical dilemma on a crafts or household project firmly in mind, that I'd had no real idea what to do about when I'd gone to bed. ---[[DreamingTheTruth The truth will be revealed!]] Sweet dreams... ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DreamWithinADream * Truth in Television: this is called 'false awakening' and happens a lot. This troper once had a dream in which she entered her room in a castle, locked the door, and fell asleep. When she woke up and the castle room was full of people, she decided it must be a dream, and 'woke up' again in the room, this time properly alone with the door locked and proceeded on with the dream...until she woke up for real. ** This troper once dreamed that she got up and hit the snooze button - and switched the alarm off - and unplugged the alarm clock - but the buzzing noise just kept going. ** [[{{Tropers/Case}} This Troper]] had one where he dreamed he woke up at 1PM, panicked for a second, then realized it was Sunday so sleeping in was ok. Then he woke up for real at 7:30AM and it was Wednesday. Dammit. ** This Troper once dreamed she woke up with sleep paralysis. Yeah. * [[{{Tropers/Essex}} This troper]] woke up and went to the restroom, but still felt like his bladder was full. And then he woke up for real. Furthermore, his brother dreamt that he was being attacked by dolls and stuffed toys in his room. And then he woke up and saw that

Ronald [=McDonald=] was delivering a pizza and had joined forces with the dolls. And then he woke up to find that the dolls had killed Ronald. And then he woke up for real. * [[{{Tropers/Gecko}} This troper]] once woke up too late and missed the bus. Then she woke up and missed it again. And again. And again. Then she woke up for real. ** Did you miss the bus in RealLife? *** No, thankfully. * This troper once had a dream that she missed a concert her friends were picking her up for later. When she woke up for real and it was an hour before the concert, she was right confused. * This troper has had numerous dreams like this. But he can't recall which ones. * This editor had a NightmareFuelUnleaded nightmare, where she found herself in SilentHill esque building and found there a child that constantly was [[MadnessMantra repeating the sentence]] "Nothing is real. I'm a shadow. You'll become one too." Then, suddenly the girl ''started to melt'', revealing some kind of grotesque ghost-monster, what grabbed me and started ''to suck my soul out'' Then I 'woke up' in my bed, seeming that it would've still be evening. I wandered to kitchen, where my mom still was and I told I had a terrible nightmare. She took me to her embrace and said in eerie CreepyMonotone "Yes, we all fear them. But we can't fight them. Someday you'll be next. They suck out your soul and we'll be nothing more but damned corpses, doomed for eternity..." I looked over her shoulder and I saw the monster, [[SlasherSmile grinning horrible 'smile']] and trying to get through the window. Then I woke up for real and que me snapping the lights on and being scared because every single snap and tick for few weeks on at night. ** Your attempt to scare me... [[GoneHorriblyRight worked]]. * This troper had a dream in which she was about to be told the secret of the universe, then woke up in the nude with her best (girl) friend in bed beside her equally nude and singing 'This Ain't A Scene' by Fallout Boy. She went back to sleep and woke up again, this time fully dressed in bed next to a British man in a suit and bow tie saying "Jolly good!" before she was thrown upwards through the roof, ejectbutton style. Then she woke up once again on the floor of her sister's room. She went back to sleep thinking it was another dream, but woke up in the same spot and concluded that she'd been sleepwalking. So she got ready for school and everything was fine, until she got on the bus and noticed the bus driver had nine tentacles growing out of his crotch. And THEN she woke up for %100 real. Unless, of course, this is all a dream too. ** [[{{Babylon5}} Tentacles, or prehensile penises?]] * [[Tropers/MrGuy This troper]], at a very young age, had a dream where his father turned into an EldritchAbomination. This went through at least four iterations before he finally woke up in a cold sweat, paralyzed in fear that it would happen ''again.'' Luckily, it did not. * [[{{Tropers/Ekul}} This troper]] took this to a whole new meta level. He dreamed falling asleep, then falling asleep again, then again five more times, then woke up seven times. What was he drinking? * [[Tropers/FuzzyBoots This troper]] experiences this fairly often,

but one was particularly odd. He went through a series of false awakenings where he would wake up in his bed, but with something wrong, like weird mobiles hanging off of the ceiling, people singing songs in multiple languages just out of reach, or the time when a man walked by the foot of his bed, turned to the bed and said, "wrong house" before disappearing. Then, he woke up in a hotel room. Except that when he tried walking about it, he found that it only looked like a hotel room, but he was bumping into furniture from his apartment. Seeking to shock himself out of his dream, he throws open the door to the hotel room while in his boxers, revealing one ''very'' surprised groundskeeper. And then, he actually woke up, in his apartment, this time with no mobiles, foreign choruses, or strange disappearing gentlemen. Either that, or he's still in that last dream iteration... ** Possibly related, he also has the bad habit, upon waking, to fall back asleep to "wake up" from reality, which seems more the dream than where he just came from. * This troper woke up to his alarm clock and attempted to turn it off. It was still ringing. He woke up again and attempted to turn it off. It was still ringing. He then woke up yet again to try and turn it off, only to find it was still ringing. This happened about 5 or 6 times before he finally woke up for real. This happened a total of three times. * This troper had a friend who'd sometimes dream that a black monster would come and chase him through his house. Once, in a dream, the monster came into his room, but he didn't mind much because he knew it was a dream, so he fell back asleep in the dream. He dreamed that the black monster loomed above him, and then he woke up and found he was inside the monster's stomach. Then he woke up for real. * ThisTroper had a rather interesting case of this a while back. Every one of the dreams took place in his house, but each "layer" had the house changed in some strange manner-- for instance, living room furniture in the bathroom, or the door to the master bedroom leading outside. In addition, at one level of the dream, there was a puzzle that my mind must've gotten straight out of ''SuperMario 64'': to escape all the levels of the dream and return to the top level, I needed to look directly at a representation of the sun on a TV screen. It was rather weird. * This troper woke up, everything seemed real, got up, ate something and.. woke up again. The same thing repeated for about 20-30 times until he finally woke up for real. Because the [[BuffySpeak wakeupping]] being so real, he wasn't sure to be really awake for about 5 hours, always in fear of waking up again. Also, when he was about 7 years old, he dreamt that he woke up and webt to the bathroom to empty his bladder - only to be waken up for real by the feeling of warm fluid soaking the mattress. He's still embarrassed of that to this day. * This troper's getting married in... wait, [[ThePrincessBride wrong meme]]. * This troper woke up in the middle of the night to peer out the window and see a meteorite fall and hit the earth a few miles away. Then she woke up, and wasn't entirely sure if she'd dreamed the whole matter or had really seen it and fell back asleep. So she got up and

went to the computer to see if anyone was talking about a falling meteorite online. After that, she woke up for real. * This troper had a dream where she dreamt about aliens. Then she woke up (still in a dream) and saw a bunch of [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FlyingSaucers UFOs]] outside, and she said "Cool! I better post about this on the forums!" * [[Tropers/SchizoTechnician This troper]] had a dream where he chipped a tooth. He then "woke up" to see [[{{xxxHolic}} Yuuko Ichihara]], who told him that the chipping of the tooth in the dream represented [[FreudWasRight the loss of the penis]]. Then he woke up for real. * This troper woke up only to find that he was in the same house (away from home) as in the dream-within-the-dream, and it this time it was in zero gravity. * This troper had for a long time developed a means of waking up within dreams he realized were dreams. He would close his eyes in the dream, and then open his eyes in the real world, thus waking up. Well, it seems that his dreams got wise of this method of escape, and decided that that would not work anymore. The first time he had a false awakening, it was the longest dream of his life, and he likes to imagine that it was in fact a never-ending dream that he simply only remembers bits and pieces. It started with the most mundane way of noticing it was a dream, as this troper noticed that the towels he put in the dirty laundry were back on their hanger. He then woke up to find smell a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen, with his uncle cooking something. He asked his uncle if he was still dreaming, and the uncle said, "Why, yes. Yes, you are." He then woke up in a area of only yellow colors, where yellow demons came and attacked him. He then woke up on a street, where seemingly normal people attacked him. He then woke up on a plane, tried jumping out the plane thinking that because he could dream he could fly, and then fell all the way to the ground (hurting a lot). Climbing up out of the ground he came upon a decrepit mansion, which served delicious sausage. He then false woke up again in his bed, freaked out that he could not successfully wake up, and then tried to email his English teacher for advice. That's all he remembers, but he's sure there's more. * On a trip, I once had a dream that I went out of my sleeping bag, to a specific bush, and pissed. I went back to my sleeping bag, and went to sleep, then "woke up", went out of my sleeping bag, to that bush, and pissed, then back to the sleeping bag, awake, for about seven times. The time I really got up it was already force of habit and I didn't check to see if there was a bush there - it was 3 AM - and there was a person there. Who luckily was still sleeping, although he probably had a much more interesting morning than I did later. Small fact: it was sub-zero temperatures outside, so a lot of things froze. * [[Tropers/TheGreatMatt I]] once dreamt about myself going to sleep (and dreaming). Does that count? * [[Tropers/KissofCamine I]] have a strange example, I daydreamed about my boyfriend within a dream about my friends and I in a MegaMan level. Or does that count? * [[{{Tropers/JET73L}} This Troper]] used to have these where the dream was based on reality (see [[TroperTales/AllJustADream

TroperTales/AllJustADream]]), but recently had what may have been his personal record. He woke up, waited for his alarm clock to go off and switched it off, typed out the dreams he'd had on his laptop, woke up, typed out the dreams he'd had on his laptop, [[OverlyLongGag woke up, typed out the dreams he'd had on his laptop]]... At least a score of times, if not two dozen. Since he has a habit of turning off his alarm in his sleep, it's impossible to know if it was AllJustADream, or if he fell back asleep without noticing between switching off the alarm and picking up his laptop. (What really made it annoying: He usually forgets his dreams the first time he types it, but because he's been working on making sure not to until he's almost definitely awake, he lost only one or two significant details per five or so iterations... then lost almost all of the second major dream when he woke and sat up for real.) (Incidentally, if the DataVampires didn;t get it, the last time he posted on this page must have been [[RecursiveReality the outer shell]] [[DreamWithinADream of]] [[DreamWithinADream an example]] in itself.) * Oh man, I have this kind of situations one day before any important date or event (A job interview, a big test, etc...) * This troper once used to have a recurring sequence of dreams where he would continually wake up in his room, initially noticing nothing amiss, then realizing his right eye was closed shut. These false awakenings would go on and on, making them more dreaded than any nightmare. This troper once woke up for real in a cold sweat after waking up in his "room" twenty times befor.e * This troper has had several (that he remembers and is certain he's had far more that have been forgotten), but the one that takes the cake lasted for an entire week. To this day this troper is not 100% sure he's awake, especially given how time seems to slip away sometimes or not pass at all other times. * This troper had one that distressed her greatly. She dreamed that her whole family was going on a boat ride, and since, both in RealLife and in the dream, she has SuperDrowningSkills, she wasn't terribly happy about this.... but ItGotWorse. Since her father has a [[MiserAdvisor tendency towards penny-pinching]], both in-dream and out-of-dream, the whole family ended up sharing one tiny little room with tiny little bus-stop-bench-esque beds. This troper is intensely territorial. Naturally, she [[CatapultNightmare woke up horrified]], and then told her brother about it. He laughed at her, [[RantInducingSlight and got cussed out for it]]... and then this troper woke up for real, badly confused. * When [[Tropers/MikeRosoft my]] father (the one from [[TroperTales/StopHelpingMe Stop Helping Me]], sorry) died, I dreamed that he was alive, then got up to check out and indeed he was ... and then I woke up for real. Damn you, dreams. * I recently had a long dream which I can only remember the end of, but my mom was telling me that she had a lot of dreams; the last one she mentioned involved an evil clown. Then I suddenly woke up. I thought it was real, until I tried to get out of bed but couldn't. I remembered mom's mention of the clown earlier and somehow knew that there was a MonsterClown standing outside my bed (though I couldn't see him). I looked out the side of my bed, getting ready to kick him

whenever he appeared, but he never did, so I went back to sleep; and woke up a few minutes later. Now I'm convinced that the reason I couldn't get out of bed in the dream was my mind keeping that dream from becoming a [[NightmareDreams nightmare]]. * I once had a dream where at the end I arrived home late from school. 7:30 to be exact, and both me and my parents weren't particularily happy, leading me to BigNo myself awake. I then woke up in my room, and when I looked at the clock, it said 7:30, at which point my mother suddenly came in and said "Why are you late?". Cue another BigNo. This repeated a few times, with various different people, including ''my cat'', berating me for being late until I actually woke up for real. * This Troper once dreamed that she was on the Titanic while it was sinking. She then woke up... in a stately home, and was relieved to find out that she was not going to drown. Then she woke up in her own room... only to wake up again, this time for real. * I've never had the typical "false awakening" type dream (at least not that I can remember), but I did once have a bizarre dream where I was looking at myself asleep in a corner, with a thought bubble containing the same thing, DrosteImage style. * This troper once dreamed that her sister was throwing a car around in her garage. She grabbed her sister and started to scream hysterically "THIS IS A DREAM! THIS IS A DREAM!" and then she woke herself up. She went downstairs from her bedroom and started to watch a movie, but then suddenly found herself lying down in her bed. She assumed that she had woken up, and got out of bed. Her sister was waiting outside her room, so this troper told her sister "I think I just had a dream within a dream." Then this troper woke up for real. * This Troper had a rather terrifying experience with this. She had recently been having trouble breathing, and feeling very light headed for no apparent reason. Having just got home, she sat on the couch, and her breathing got worse. To the point that she wanted to get up and let her mother know something was wrong, but she couldn't stand. Then she fell asleep/passed out. In her dream, her two cousins came to visit, which was odd because the oldest one had just recently died. Then her oldest cousin and her mother left, while her remaining cousin just went and did something. Sitting on the couch, she started having trouble breathing. She wanted to get up and let her mother know something was wrong, but her mother wasn't there. She couldn't get her voice loud enough to reach her cousin. Then she woke up. She was still on the couch only barely awake, and she was determined to get up before she fell asleep again. So, she got up and slowly made her way to her mother's room. When she got there, her mother didn't seem to notice her. So she tried and tried to tell her something was wrong, but nothing happened. Then she woke up. On the couch again. She got up quickly this time, and almost ran to her mother's room. She fell onto the bed and proceeded to fall asleep. Then she woke up. An hour had passed, and she could breathe fine. Worst dream This Troper can remember. * When This Troper is aware that he is dreaming he starts doing different stuff in each iteration(for example if at first I go to the bathroom because i feel sleepy and want to wash my face and suddenly wake up again with the same sleepy feeling, I instead go outside or

something like that) this... well let's say the [[AGlitchInTheMatrix glitches]] start getting crazier by the iteration until i wake up for real. It's like doing something diferent get's a {{DivideByZero}} error... * [[Tropers/TheTallOne I]] had a dream that I was one of my friends. I then woke up, and realised that was a dream. I woke up again, because that was also a dream. I told my friend about it, and realised a while later that I had never told my friend, and THAT had been part of a dream, too. I had a dream within a dream within a dream. Easily one of the most confusing things that ever happened to me. * I had a dream sequence last night where I was trying to accomplish some task (seems it had something to do with fixing a game controller or something), and I kept falling asleep in the dream. When this happened, the dream within a dream kept going as it had been before I had fallen asleep in the dream, then something would go wrong, and I would wake up from the dream within the dream, and keep doing the task. This kept happening throughout that sequence. There may have been a part where I realized that I could control the dream within a dream, and I started doing really weird stuff, but it's all kinda sketchy. It seems to have been related to a dream the previous night, where near the end of it I was playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater on an XBox with friends, and then all the buttons went away so I could only ollie. I asked them about it, and they said they didn't do it, so I realized that I was dreaming, and promptly woke up. * This troperette's friend says he had a dream within a dream, and he dreaded going to the 4th Level like in {{Inception}}. Then there was a seperated conversation on multi-verses and 7 to 11 dimensions stacked like cups yet happening around each other without ever knowing each other are there...heh, astronomy geeks. * I once had a fairly freaky one, followed by an incredibly boring one. I woke up, picked up my iPod (which I was using as an alarm) and to turn to off and it didn't. So I looked at the screen and saw the words "Wake Up Jack". Then I did. I sat up, turned my alarm off, turned my light on, lay back down. Then I woke up, noticed my alarm was still on and my light was off... * I had one of these today. I woke up, tried to get out of bed but couldnt move, then realised it was a dream when I woke up again, then woke up again and again and again, but I couldnt move, or couldnt move much. I tried to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming, when I had the energy too, and then I woke up again into another dream. Eventually I woke up for real. * This troper's Mind Screw moved into High Octane Nightmare Fuel territory. I dreamt that the pool I work at was frozen over in the middle of summer and nobody had any idea why. I woke up, and turned off my alarm. I then saw that my green LED alarm clock was didplaying bizarre, non-English symbols in green and red. I proceeded to go partially lucid, (realizing I was dreaming). All the doors in my house led to the wrong places. I turned a corner, and landed myself FACE TO FACE WITH SLENDER MAN. I then woke up to sleep paralysis. GAH. * I've had false awakenings or sleep paralysis episodes where I can't open my eyes, as if they are glued shut. * My first memory of life was this. I can remember the dream kinda, it

was a series of several false awakenings. The scary thing? I don't remember actually waking up. * This troper, a few years back, had lots of these. I don't quite remember what the first dream was about, but the second one went like this: I woke up. I tried moving, only to find out I was completely stuck and couldn't lift off bed. My neck starts hurting and my head turned to the kitchen and I saw a shadow looming over me. Then I woke up, usually panting. There were also these dreams when I was a small kid when I got locked in dark, inside my bedroom with... [[EvilSoundsDeep some]][[EldritchAbomination thing]](Which was VERY scary because my mother usually slept on a bed by my side). I "woke up" once and it was morning. I heard my mother calling me away from the back of the house because [[NothingIsScarier "something was coming"]]. I heard something "breathing" and tried running, but I would move out of place; in fact, I was being pulled by some invisible thing. Suddenly, the dream ended. And, as much as it may sound as a nod to Inception, there was a dream where, suddenly, [[EverythingTryingToKillYou my entire family turned up and chased after me out of nowhere]]. [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel Considering certain things I've been learning about my family]], [[FridgeHorror these dreams might actually be prophetic.]] * [[{{Tropers/neoYTPism}} This troper]] had a [[NightmareFuel nightmarish]] version of this last night; it was a repeated theme in my dreams last night that I was waking up from dreams within them, and I literally lost track of when I when I was really waking up and when it was just part of the dream that I was. That wouldn't be so bad if not for how [[MindScrew even within the dream, I was sometimes "waking up" in an unusually realistic version of my real-life bed]]. Where does the "nightmare" part come in? As a type 1 diabetic I'm supposed to check my blood sugar when I get up (low blood sugar can easily be mistaken for the tiredness of waking up) and during some "wake-ups" within the dream (or possibly outside of it) I'd be "awake" but it'd be a struggle to '''get''' up. Not just in the elementary-school sense, but really, physically "struggling" to even move. [[FridgeHorror If that were an instance of really waking up and struggling to get up, if my low blood sugar were low it would have been possible that I might have ended up going unconscious, and possibly dying, from low blood sugar.]] * This Troper once had a night where I had a very hard time falling asleep. I then managed to have a dream in which I was unable to sleep for a long time, but finally managed to, which may or may not have translated into waking up for real. The next morning I was very confused and had no idea which parts were when I was awake and what was a dream. * This troper once had a dream where she woke up, got out of bed, and tried to fly. It didn't go well, she fell down at once. Then, she went back into bed, and that's all I remember from the dream. I was pretty confused when I woke up. * I've had a bunch of dreams where I have one really strange dream, I wake up, tell my mom about it, and then I ''really'' wake up. * This troper has dreamed more than once about waking up with sleep paralysis. Sleep paralysis is one of the most frightening nighttime

experiences for her, so in her dream she would imagine herself flailing around or desperately trying to ''move'', eventually succeeding in at least checking her alarm clock or touching her bedframe to assure her that she's really awake, only to then wake up and realize that no, she never actually checked her clock and her bedframe doesn't feel that soft. She tends to be wary about falling back asleep after this kind of experience. * [[{{Tropers.Bergil}} This Troper]] once experianced an unusual variant. I don't usually know when I'm dreaming, but one time I "knew" that I was having a nightmare where I relived MyGreatestFailure, and deliberately didn't wake up, as I wanted to have a second chance. I managed to fail even worse then the first time- or so I thought. When I woke up, I realized that the situation I was in was very differerant from my actual [[MyGreatestFailure greatest failure]]. So I drempt that I had been having a nightmare flashback to something that never happened. * This troper's most recent dream involved carrying around a [[{{Inception}} PASIV]] for [[{{Watchmen}} Adrian Veidt]]. She then "woke up" from that dream to post on the internet in another dream that she met Ozymandias in a dream, then went back into the original dream. Yeah. * This troper had an odd experience with this last night, as seen [[http://forums.dragonflycave.com/showpost.php?p=479040&postcount=123 here]]. Linked because it was a long dream. * Once, [[Tropers/{{Icarael}} I]] had a dream-- the details are rather muddled now-- that I was fighting monsters that bled black oil (HilariousInHindsight, considering I'm a big fan of [[MagicTheGathering New Phyrexia]]). I then woke up in my bed and realized it was a dream. And then I woke up in my bed-- for real this time. [[OrIsIt I think.]] * After watching Inception I had a dream that is pure ParanoiaFuel. I will put in a few commas so you can see the levels easier. I went to sleep, and dreamed that I went to sleep, and dreamed that I woke up, and then I woke up for real, fell asleep again, dreamed that I was awake, and then woke up again. I just read until dawn after that. Damn you Inception! * This Troper (Flareth) had a dream where I went into this dream chamber thing, had a dream with lots of fluffy clouds, woke up from that dream, and then woke up in real life. * This Troper had a dream within a dream that he was being chased by two shadowy figures. It got to the point that I ended up jumping off a cliff to get away before I hit the ground I woke up in my room but on the floor. Annoyed I tried to get back in bed but I was paralyzed, I figured I was suffering from sleep paralysis so I waited a few seconds but still couldn't get up. I started to panic and yelled for my parents but I couldn't hear my voice. This time the shadowy figures (a man and woman) appeared and walked in slow motion towards me and reached down to grab me before they did, I finally woke up in my own bed, scared to death, I refused to move or even go back to sleep that night. * This troper had a nightmare when she was a bit younger about these creepy monsters with [[{{Saw}} Jigsaw-style]] masked faces (she was

about eight - blame her curiosity and addiction to Wikipedia). She woke up, glad it was all a dream... and then one of the monsters appeared at her window. She woke again very, very scared indeed. ---Wake up and go back to a DreamWithinADream. Wait for the [[{{Inception}} kicks]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>> <<|DreamTropes|>>

DressCode * This Troper went to a private school that had the preschool, kindergarten, elementary, and middle schools on the same plot of land. The elementary and middle school kids had to wear a green, blue, burgandy (not red), red, white, or black polo shirt with the school logo on it, polo or navy blue pants, skirts, jumpers, or shorts, and non-open toed shoes. We also couldn't dye our hair, put our hair in crazy hairstyles, wear certain accessories (I forgot what we couldn't wear, but I got away with swearing a sweatband and a watch), and we had a gym uniform of a gray shirt with green or black shorts or pants. Yeah, strict guidelines you'd see at a workplace or private high school at its finest. * This troper's school has one (well, duh...), but she finds the standards to be very strange. For example, she came into school wearing a shirt that was nearly transparent, but when she came in wearing a shirt with a sleeve that slipped off occasionally? DEVIL SHIRT, RIGHT THERE! CHANGE NOW OR PERISH IN HELL! * This troper, frustrated with her place of employment, began finding new ways to skirt the dress code. Her favourite method was to wear what were clearly men's clothes, or to add accessories that were permitted but, when combined with the allowed clothes, completely subverted the cleancut look the company was trying to generate. ---Go back to DressCode, but make sure there are no logos on your shirt first. ----

DressedToKill !!Apparently, the previous examples here misinterpreted the trope. It's supposed to be about being both well-dressed AND intimidating, as if one is LITERALLY dressed to KILL. Usually trope misinterpretations result from people taking the names too literally; in this case the problem is people not taking it literally ENOUGH. * This troper put on a black suit with black dress shirt and red tie one day for a school event and had people watching their step around him all day. One friend even told him that he looked evil, which this troper, naturally, took as a compliment. * When I'm in a suit, I do not relax. My gut is sucked in, my posture is perfect, and I do not blink constantly. This has the unintended side effect of making me look and walk like a mafioso. In fact, once I

wore my suit as a greater on orientation day and had this wonderful dialog between a freshman and myself: -->"Hey... you're not, like, a mobster are you?" -->"What? No, why do you ask?" -->"I don't know, you just kinda strike me as one.." -->Cue my friend at the Student Life office coming up to me. He is older and has a heavy Italian accent. -->"My boy! Do we have a new recruit? Be sure to give him a good welcome into the Family!" -->*freshman's face goes pale* "I swear to god I won't tell!" * Sometimes This troper is required to wear suit when he visit my grandparents' house. He's six feet and has a somewhat thuggy face when disgruntled, which is always during summer times, so along the way, people either looked at me intimidated or somewhat in awe. As for the latter, apparently my dad thinks think I either look like a thug or a catholic priest. Sure... * Edgy and a friend of his were this on their way to a wedding they didn't want to go to... in Disney World. It help that they both had pony tails, sunglasses, and were talking about the Godfather while the friend was having a smoke by a dock. * This troper is a girl. So when, on her choice, wore a suit to a wedding set the children off. I have been told to emote more, but can't bring myself to. My cousin ran to their mother asking where the "real" me went, and what the evil version did to her. Some parents were worried, but for a different reason... ---Now that you're looking snazzy, head on back to DressedToKill

DressesTheSame * When a friend of [[Tropers/{{Kathadrion}} this troper]] went to high school, two of his female classmates happened to wear the same jeans to school one day. Apparently, they stopped in the hallway and stared at each other, horrified, before running off in different directions. Later the same day, one of the girls was seen wearing her gym shorts. * This Troper, at age twelve and at a bat mitzva party for the kids in my class, found out about this rule when two girls wore the same dress in different colours. They and their friends went to one of the really popular, stylish and generally well-liked girls, who effectively "issued" a "ruling" that if the dresses were different colours, then they were different dresses and no one had to worry. * Two girls at this troper's school did this one Mufti Day (nonuniform day). Needless to say, there was much horror and gasping on both sides.

DrillSergeantNasty * This Troper's DS subverted the trope physically (little Cuban guy), but played the attitude straight. So, ''so'' straight. He had the chops to back the 'tude, too. ** Wow, really? ThisTroper's fellow shipmates told them about their Company Commander in Sea Cadets Bootcamp... who was an short female

with a squeaky voice. Accordingly, everyone, including the CO, laughed at her. *** He didn't have a squeaky voice. What he ''did'' have was a truly epic file of commendations, which I got to see while working in the battalion office. That's what I meant by "the chops". * ThisTroper has had a few experiences with [[DrillSergeantNasty Drill Sergeant Nasties]]. Basic Training was at Fort Sill, and we actually had a DS who sent a guy to the hospital because of an incident in the GRENADE RANGE (completely warranted, yet still screwed up). And Oh My God, you have NEVER been screamed at or treated like crap until you face a TAC officer in Officer Candidate School *shudder*. * ThisTroper's CC in Navy boot camp was five-feet-two and 120 lbs... and his forearms were larger than his thighs, and he played the mannerisms of the trope exactly straight. ThisTroper will never forget the day where one recruit, secure in the delusion that showing up on time for one's doctor's appointment was strictly optional, was instantly cured of this delusion when our CC concluded his lecture on the virtues of punctuality by ''picking up his desk and throwing it clear across his office''. ** Did he smoke a pipe and eat spinach, by any chance? *** Not so much. But you have correctly guessed what his nickname was. *g* * This troper's father was an Air Force TI who never learned to leave his work at work. (Small wonder that when this troper joined the Army years later, the evaluations said that I had a "dislike of authority figures bordering on mania".) And yes, my DS was a complete bastard. * [[DokEnkephalin This Troper]] can confirm the truth, especially in combat arms [=MOSes=], where the drill sergeants pride themselves on their sadism. Sometimes they may play 'Good Cop, Bad Cop', but most of them take too much pleasure in 'stomping knee deep in your ass'. "Welcome to Prang's House of Pain! I can toughen you up or I can break you off!" There were some notable subversions, including one who sounded like Scarface (scary!), another who sounded like Gomer Pyle, and another who sounded like a Puerto Rican drag queen. ** Inquiry: how do you know what a Puerto Rican drag sounds like? (No, really what do they sound like?) *** You'll know one when you hear one. Really, there won't be any mistaking it. If you can't find one in real life, listen to John Leguizamo for a close approximation. * This troper remember seeing a few of these in various talk shows where delinquents will learn how to respect adults from Raymond Moses, a drill instructor (don't know what happened to him after the show ended, probably KIA) whom taught them what fear was about. I so wanted to go on that show if only to go Pyle. Jr on him. Regardless I gotten a degree of respect for him when I grew up and stop thinking about the fight against TheMan. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] had one of these as an RA leader at my church. He (The leader) ran it like a boot camp; resulting in many push-ups, many insults towards us thrown around, and the realization that [[{{ACDC}} Hell ain't a bad place to be]] when compared to our group under his leadership. * The cool thing is that those who do right will often get the

benefits of experience. Given the people that are tapped for DS duty, you'll get stuff [[OlderAndWiser that isn't in the book]]. * ThisTroper's father, a retired Marine, claims that Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann from FullMetalJacket would have been considered one of the nicest DI's around when he was in boot camp. He also says his own DI was your standard DrillSergeantNasty combined with ScaryBlackMan, AngryBlackMan, and BoisterousBruiser. * [[Tropers/HikariFlutist My]] ''dad''. * This troper was stationed at Lackand AFB for tech school after basic training, and met a couple TI's and team members outside of the basic training environment. Most of them were quite pleasant, and joked around about how it was all an act to scare the trainees and get them in line. * This troper, while working at a fast-food place one summer, had a regular who was a sweet, darling, tiny little old man who apologized profusely when he spilled coffee on her once. He also was the drill sergeant equivalent at a camp for troubled kids. ---Coach variant: * ThisTroper remembers two high school soccer coaches. I remember a several memorable moments. The most memorable one was when our team messed up during a drill and had us run laps until further notice. While we were running, he walked to the middle of the field, and actually delivered TheReasonYouSuckSpeech. He always wore shades, so when he looks at you, you get the feeling that he's giving you a hard, piercing glare. Every time there was a competitive drill, there was of course no reward. The correct thing to ask is "What's the punishment for the losers?" (usually hills until further notice with at least a hundred push-ups and sit-ups in perfect form). Sometimes, to mix it up, we had to do push-ups on a hill facing downwards, which is harder than doing them on no slope. [[FrideLogic Sometimes, you wonder why you need half a thousand push-ups every practice in soccer]]. That was the JV coach. The Varsity coach screamed even louder and longer, more literally to this trope. While the JV coach never had profanity, the Varsity coach had no problem screaming profanities at the top of his lungs. So glad I switched sports ^_^. No more 4-5 hours every day of putting up with that. The other coaches were nice and encouraging and made you feel like you want to be out there. It gave you automatic bragging rights in school (over other sports like football, lacrosse, etc.) to be on our soccer teams because life was just that hard and sadistic every practice. I would say that a comparison between them and drill sergeants isn't far off. I do repect the soccer coaches, though. * [[ROBRAM89 This Troper]] has had his fair share, but the prize goes to a relatively easy-going, universally loved one who is now known more for having been arrested for possession of marijuana and ''statutory rape.'' BewareTheNiceOnes. * I am very glad that I only had to take one year of P.E. in high school. The boys' P.E. coach, if I remember correctly, yelled at his classes quite a bit. He'd be another one-note "how did he get this job, again?" teacher if he didn't ''mock me the moment (and after!) I

tried to report that some of his students had joked about RAPING ME.'' (To put this in perspective, I had and still have the body structure of a wet noodle, and am shorter that damn near everyone else in the school. You'd think he'd at least hear me out; it wouldn't be hard for anyone in his class to beat the shit out of me) Drill Sergeant Fucking Worthless. (Both girls' and boys' coaches made us run laps for up to eleven minutes, and if someone so much as stopped to tie their shoes or catch their breath, everyone runs for another minute. All it did was tire everyone out and give us huge stitches in our sides. Not particularly bad, until you consider that it was either sweltering hot or ballsack-shrinkingly cold in our gym) And when I got out of that godforsaken class, I got to take Health with my former coach--who always placed me near the misogynistic idiots and once made me think I'd be the one getting the shaft for reporting two guys who pretended to have sex with me, probably because she thought I hated men because of my problems with Sergeant Worthless's class and ''did I mention the RAPE AS COMEDY?'' * Inverted by this troper, who prefers to remain soft-spoken and firmly direct so as to encourage proper behavior from his troops. However, I did make one soldier almost cry by looking him in the eye and simply saying, "I can't believe you did this. I'm very disappointed in you." * This troper used to take Tae Kwon Do from a guy who ranged from mild Tsundere to this. My mom used his as a threat to keep me in line. Once I got suspended from school for swearing, and I spent the whole hour doing army P.T. I was an 8 year old at the time, so that was insanely hard. ** However, the man in question wasn't a bad guy. He was laconic, but definitely not unfair. He was like a good drill sergeant without the service. * This troper had a crew coach in 09 who was this. During a practice, the two varsity mens' boats clashed oars, and he almost hurled me out of the cox seat. Also, after the men's first eight lost a race, he made them spend the next practice doing a 10K at 2min splits. * This troper had a PE teacher in high school who really was an former DI in the Marines. Contrary to the trope, he didn't make us run obstacle courses filled with rotting meat under barbed wire, and kept the swearing at a PG level (worst it ever got was calling us "retarded fruitcakes"), but heaven help you if you showed up late for class... * This troper had a substitute PE coach who drove us to the limit and beyond. We all hated him. I don't remember what his name was, but I do remember the nickname I gave to him: [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amalek Amalek]]. Keep in mind that this was at a Jewish high school. ---'''RUN BACK TO [[DrillSergeantNasty DRILL SERGEANT NASTY]] HERE, MAGGOT! OR ELSE, DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!!''' ** '''''SERGEANT! YOU WILL GIVE ME A [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] EXPLANATION ON WHY YOUR [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch PANSY]] ASS DID NOT GIVE THIS PIECE OF SHIT HERE A HUNDRED PUSH UPS!!''''' *** '''[[BreakTheCutie *BANG BANG*]]'''

---<<|TroperTales|>>

DrinkingGame This is the place for drinking games invented by you, or your friends. * This troper's a fan of the XKCD drinking game. For this, you need a bottle of Captain Morgan, a bottle of Vladimir (any size, because you won't be finishing that shit off any time soon), and as much Guiness as you can gather up. The rules: ** Start at the most recent strip and work your way backwards. ** For any joke based on a certain field of science/math/statistics/whatever, take a mouthful of Guinness. *** If you got the joke, but didn't find it funny, take two mouthfuls of Guinness. *** If you got the joke and ''did'' find it funny, two mouthfuls of Vlady. ** For any joke that's lifted from another comic strip, do a shot of Captain Morgan. *** For any joke lifted from an older/more obscure strip, do two shots. ** For any "poignant" love-oriented strip that subverts itself at the end, do a shot of Vlady. *** If a love-oriented strip is played straight, down a whole bottle of Guinness. ** For any strip that mentions 4chan or Anonymous, do a shot of half Morgan and half Vlady. ** Any strip that mentions {{Firefly}} or any cast member, do two shots of Captain Morgan. ** Whoever lasts until the old non-stick-figure-based strips wins, and whoever loses has to pay for the booze next time around. * Invented by this troper is the Deviant Art drinking game! Go to the front page and look through the Most Popular Deviations. Take a drink every time you see... ** An anime character ** Black and white or sepia ** The word 'commission' or any variation thereof. ** Sonic the Hedgehog *** Take two if it's a fan character. * Gantz. Try to guess the requirements to take a shot. * Invented by [[{{Gerusz}} this troper]] for the new [[Film/StarTrek Star Trek movie]]: Drink every time... ** Spock shows any emotion *** ...and another if it's positive ** Kirk gets beaten up... *** ...and another if by Starfleet officer(s) *** ...and another if by someone with pointy ears ** Kirk hits on a girl *** ...and another if it's Uhura *** ...and another if it's a GreenSkinnedSpaceBabe

** Kirk's father is mentioned ** Spock's mother is mentioned *** ...[[BerserkButton and another if the one who mentions her leaves unharmed]] ** [[FantasticRacism Spock's human heritage is mentioned as a disability]] ** A Starfleet captain does a HeroicSacrifice ** The ''Narada'' fires its torpedoes ** [[{{Unobtainium}} Red]] [[AppliedPhlebotinum matter]] is mentioned *** ...and another if it's used ** Nero mentions the destruction of Romulus ** You notice a reference to other Star Trek series (Trekkies, prepare to be wasted!) ** A Trekkie laughs for no visible reason (For the non-trekkies) ** You laugh on Scotty's lines (by the time he arrives on-screen, you will probably be drunk like hell, so this will be the mercy killing...) ** A LensFlare appears. ** [[TheKhan SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!! SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!!!]] * DeuxHero thinks it would be intresting to take a shot everytime Sean Hannity says literally (I agree with the man's politcal views, but this bit annoys me) * The SilentHill2 drinking game! Take a sip every time something sexual pops up. * Every time you see good, bad, God, real or true in quotation marks or patronising capital letters on the internet have a sip, if you really do want to drown in an Olympic swimming pool worth of alcohol. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] invented his own version of the MarioParty drinking game. There where a ton of rules, but some of the most noteworthy included "Take 2 shots if you play as Birdo" and "Finish the bottle if your controller breaks midgame". * Drink every time someone drinks whilst watching '' WithnailAndI'', and drink what they drink. Good luck. Or, Drink every time you see Dynamite of screen, see an explosion or see Clint Eastwood kill a Nazi on ''Where Eagles Dare''. Or drink every time you see fake blood in Peter Jacksons ''{{Braindead}}''. Or Every Time Wikus swears in ''{{District9}}'' . '''''Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!''''' * The {{Amadeus}} drinking game! Take a sip every time Mozart makes his AnnoyingLaugh. You'll be wasted within the hour, especially if watching the unabridged version. * Every time a joke is made on Have I Got News For You at the expense of an MP (ANY MP), drink a shot of whisky. You'll be lucky if the bottle is more than half full by the end of the show...or if you are still sober. Especially if you are watching the extended version. * Drink every time a new game is added. Also, drink if someone added a rule for a game invented by you. Then drink the rest of your beer if you go back to DrinkingGame... * This troper has a friend who invented so many circumstances under which to take ''x'' drinks in ''{{House}}'' (sarcoidosis, lupus, HoYay, House sees a patient, House wears a lab coat...) that eventually he devised a more simple version; "take a shot every time anything happens, ever".

* When this less-than-21 troper was watching the 2010 Academy Awards, she was going to take a gulp of water for every award {{Avatar}} would win. She was pleasantly surprised when she only had to take three. * This troper is too lazy to create a Twitter. But after knowing Drinking Games on the internet, he knows what his first tweets would be: "What the hell am I doing here?" and "Suggestion for followers: grab a beer, take a sip for every [[WaxingLyrical song lyric]]" * Take a swig whenever someone posts the lyrics to a song on Facebook for no coherent reason. * A classical education sometimes begets these. [[Tropers/SunnyV I]] developed TheSongOfRoland drinking game: take a shot anytime someone dies, faints, or cries. Take two if someone cries or faints because of someone's death, and three if they're all linked in some way. * Name Drinking is the best drinking game ever. It works with every show. Basically, you write down some names of characters on paper, fold the papers and everyone takes one. Drink whenever any character on the show says the name that's written on your paper. Good luck if the name is "Ted" and you're watching HowIMetYourMother. Also, especially for HowIMetYourMother: ** Everyone drinks whenever Barney says "Suit up!" or any variant thereof. ** Everyone drinks whenever Barney declares how awesome he is. ** Everyone drinks whenever Barney says "Haaaaaave you met Ted?" ** Everyone drinks whenever Barney says "Legendary!" or any variant thereof. *** As you can tell, we like Barney a lot. And drinking. * [[Tropers/LordBlumiere This Tropette]] invented a LordOfTheRings drinking game impromptu with a couple of friends. Drink when... ** There is a close-up shot of the Ring ** There is a shot of Sauron ** Gollum says 'my precious' or variations of such * I haven't actually tried it, but while watching the film version of RumbleFish I realized a drinking game could be devised for it: Drink every time someone begins or ends a sentence with "Rusty James", Rusty James. * Invented while watching ''Dr. G: Medical Examiner''. Anytime Dr. G says something you don't want to hear a medical examiner say, for example, when she lets out any expression of suprise, or describes something that makes your skin twitch in revulsion, take a shot. WARNING: During some episodes, you may need a designated driver. ** This carries over to almost any medical show, including - but not limited to - ''Untold Stories of the ER'', and ''Mystery Diagnosis''; anytime you hear a doctor or patient say something or describe something you don't want to hear, take a shot. Again, you wil most likely need a designated driver. *** The Narrorator doesn't count. * If you don't mind yaoi, you can have a go at the drinking game this troper invented [[http://shorttext.com/pdetcgpnbk3 here]] ** And now the sequel can be found [[http://shorttext.com/htu9agwj5f here]] * This troper started up a drinking game for FanFictionDotNet;

** Take one sip from the bottle every time... *** You spot a fanfic that has an {{OC}}. *** Two shots if the {{OC}}'s [[AlwaysFemale a girl]]. *** Three if she's being [[RelationshipSue paired with the main character]]. ** One shot for every [[RougeAnglesOfSatin spelling mistake]]. ** One sip, half beer half Jack for every summary that says "I'm bad at writing summaries just read it," or something similar. ** Take a sip from the can every time... *** The author sub-notes has the emoticon XD. *** And two for the emoticon ^_^ ** Open two cans and take a sip from each every time you see "I'm so sorry it's been so long since I updated" or something similar. ** Take a big gulp of [[RougeAnglesOfSatin Jake]] and then [[SpitTake spit it across the room]] if the author denies that their character is a MarySue ** Every time you see a "{{Lemon}}," take two big swigs of [[RougeAnglesOfSatin Jakk]]. *** If said {{Lemon}} is a {{Yaoi}}, pour a little Jack into your beer bottle and then shake it up. Drink one sip. ** Every time you see a TrollFic ([[PoesLaw or something that looks like one]]), down a can of beer. ** For every hate fic on ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', pour yourself a glass of wine and drink. *** Mix the wine with the beer if the author [[HateDumb hates]] Twilight but supports Bella X Jacob. *** Mix the wine with the Jack if you see a fic for [[HoYay Edward X Jacob]]. ** For every {{Crossover}}, take one sip of wine and then one sip of Jack. ** If you find a {{CrackFic}}, swig down some beer, wine and Jack, [[InThatOrder in that order]]. *** Mix all three in a glass and drink ** Break open the Jose Cuervo whenever... *** You see a profile that's ridiculously long. *** Two if half of it's about their stories. *** Three if it includes a character profile of their {{OC}}(s) ** Suck down half a bottle of sake every time someone [[GratuitousJapanese uses a Japanese word in an otherwise English fanfic]].? * ''Not'' invented by this troper, but as she hasn't seen it mentioned anywhere else, she feels the need to mention the {{Labyrinth}} drinking game she took part in the other day: Take a shot whenever you see {{David Bowie}}'s crotch. ---Go back to DrinkingGame, if you're sober enough to click the link. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DrinkOrder

* [[Tropers.AGroupie This troper]] got turned on to Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot because [[YoshikiHayashi someone zhe really likes]] tends to like red wines. Zhe also tends to like Maker's and Coke, and if at zir favorite bar in LosAngeles, will often order an Absinthe because they do it so well. Zhe also enjoys experimenting with cocktails of various sorts because zhe was once a bartender (working parties rather than bars but still...) and is also the embodiment of MustHaveCaffeine in the context of diet sodas and iced coffee. * [[RedneckRocker I've]] been a Pepsi addict practically since the delivery room, but in recent years, I've cut back a bit (maybe one or two [[spoiler:cases]] a day; just kidding). I occasionally have a glass of red wine, but other than that, I'm not a big drinker. I once heard of a drink called a [[Series/DoctorWho Sonic Screwdriver]] (blue Gatorade and vodka), but it tasted like crap. So now, I made up my own, the "Sonic Cellphone" (as a reference to the color of the light on my cellphone). It's basically the same thing, just with green Powerade or Gatorade. * [[Tropers/DalekKanNoladti This troper]] will take a wine or beer to accompany his meals, or occasionally a nicely aged single-malt Scotch. More ordinarily though, he takes his ''finjan'' and makes [[{{Dune}} Arrakeen]] Spice Coffee: cardamom, cinnamon, and honey cooked into Middle-Eastern-style coffee. As you might have guessed, he works in computers and thus possesses a Muad'dib-level addiction to caffeine. ** This Troper thinks that coffee sounds absolutely delicious. *** [[NoNameGiven This Troper]] agrees. * [[Tropers/StarePris This Troper]] must have Sierra Mist. * [[{{sgrunt}} This troper]] prefers ale, the darker the better (though not to the point of being a stout). Being Canadian, he can think of a few brews that fit the bill. ** When not drinking per se, this troper also prefers black coffee, [[KlatchianCoffee the darker the roast the better]]. * [[Tropers/TrumpetMarietta This troper]]'s drink of choice is Guinness. For the record, this troper is 1/16th Irish. * This troper is an aspiring bartender, who enjoys experimenting with cocktails, which usually means his drink orders are ridiculously long. * This troper [[MadMen will have an Old Fashioned]]. Or a whiskey sour. Or, fuck it, just give me some bourbon. No, NOT Jack Daniels. Are you thick? ** This troper thinks [[ManOfWealthAndTaste you are awesome.]] ** If you ask for bourbon and a bartender tries to server you Jack Daniels, in certain parts of the Southern US, it is not only appropriate, but good form, to stick the bottle up his ass. * House white. Chardonay if possible. ** Coffee? Flat white, no sugar. Do you have artifical sweetener? * [[Tropers/TheTallOne This Russian/Irish Tropette]] will have [[CantHoldHisLiquor milk,]] please. ** Can you say SubvertedTrope? * This full-Irish Troper will have an American beer or whiskey like Miller or Jack Daniels, thank you, because Guinness is foul muck that turns your poop black. In fact, he suspects Guinness was originally just a practical joke that got out of hand. * [[Tropers/ROBRAM89 This troper]] took the opportunity during his

childhood at any restaurant with a bar to order a Shirley Temple ([[InsistentTerminology often a "Mickey Mouse"]], as this was frequently on Disney property)to the point where his parents would start ordering them automatically. * Jack Daniels. In a shotglass. The amount of times I have to insist on the latter is mind-boggling. * [[Tropers/DarcDiscordia I'll]] have some Irish cream, mead, or just rum mixed with random sodas and fruit juices (incidentally, Bacardi Zombie mixed with Jones Green Apple is excellent.) No booze? Cream soda, preferably A&W. Coffee? [[AmericanGods Black as night, and sweet as sin.]] * This troper's martini order: Bombay, wet, rocks, shaken, twist, no olives. If you can't understand what I mean get the hell off the bar and find something else to do for a living. * A [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesar_%28cocktail%29 Bloody Caesar]] with extra cumin, curry powder, [[BlazingInfernoHellfireSauce Dave's Insanity Sauce]] instead of tobasco, and a hell of a lot of black pepper. It hasn't caused [[{{Tropers/Theogrin}} this troper]] to [[FireBreathingDiner spew flames]] yet, at least. * This troper has seen kids in his school put their cups under more than one nozzle at the drink machine. ** A Suicide? Classic. * This troper was taken to a bar for his 21st birthday. Not really enjoying alcohol and being lactose intolerant, he ordered... Water. His brother commented that, "The joke works better with milk." * This Troper enjoys a good game of Stump the Bartender. Generally he orders either a Singapore Sling or a Robert Burns (Single-malt Scotch, Sweet Vermouth, and a dash of Drambuie). Otherwise, he'll order a martini thusly: Sapphire martini, 3:1, up, stirred, twist, no olives. <rant>Incidentally, anyone who orders a martini shaken is wrong. Shaking ruins the clarity of the drink. Also, if it has anything other than Gin (or Vodka), Vermouth (Sweet or Dry), and a garnish of choice (Olive, Onion, or Twist) it's ''NOT A MARTINI!'' I don't care if it's served in a cocktail glass, a martini is a very well-defined drink.</rant> ** Cheers to you, sir. ** If it ain't got an olive or a twist, then it ain't a martini. If you put an onion in it instead, it's a gibson. Also, vermouth is not optional, otherwise you're just drinking gin. Both of which are fine, just ''NOT MARTINIS!'' * [[Tropers/fidheallir This troper]] likes Glenlivet (an undervalued single malt Scotch, for yous who didn't know), red wine, cider, dark lagers, and gin and tonics. ** As for my coffee? I don't drink...coffee. Seriously. * [[Tropers/ShadowOfTheSun While I]] drink a bunch of different things, my drinks of choice are beer and Scotch. If I'm ordering cocktails, I'll have a Sazerac, thank you. * This troper, while visiting Spain, once ordered lemonade and was asked if she meant "Fanta Limn". She said yes, and was given a brand of lemonade that was blatently not Fanta. (She's still wondering about this, given that there IS a generic Spanish word for lemonade.) * [[Tropers/PurplePantherGirl This troper]] will have either a coke,

or coffee, milk and three sugars please. * [[Tropers/CaptHayfever This captain]] swears by [=A&W=], though almost any root beer will do in a pinch (preferably not Mug, & '''never''' Diet Vess). I love trying more obscure or homemade versions, too. * [[Tropers/DeVos This troper]] is an archaeologist, and so despite having some taste when at home will on big digs drink anything. For preference, at home, Laphroaig, Bushmills "black bush". American Whiskeys will do but in the states I drink Rye. In a cocktail bar I have a dry Martini, and by dry I mean pour a cap full of Noilly Prat over the ice and stir it a bit before pouring it all away, and then replace with about five measures of Plymoth Gin (navy strength where I can find it), ''[[SeriousBusiness stired]]'' with a twist of ''orange.'' Real Ale in a pub, normal bitter is there is none, and on a dig... anything. Beer? Good. Larger? Fine. Cider? Hope it's Scrumpy. Vodka? Good. Rectified Spirit? Why not? Potcheen you've made in you freezer? All good, can't wait. Absolute Ethanol a bent lab tech sold you? After 12 hours digging just give me the alcohol, we can cool it all in a spoil bucket/wheelbarrow full of water and blue freezer packs. And when I'm working tea. There MUST be tea. If you have a short tea-break during a dig you drink tea. Not drinking tea does not compute. Lapsang for preference at home but after a few hours digging I'll settle for something stirred with a trowel. * This troper is a caffeine addict, and drink of choice is either a Colorado Bulldog (White Russian with Coke or Pepsi mixed in), A Raspberry Rose (a bartender friend of hers created it for me, Tequila Rose, Raspberry Schnapps and Milk, looks like Pepto Bismol and is darn good), or Irish Car Bombs (Depth charge of Bailey's Irish Creme in a tall glass of Guinness). No alcohol? Code Red Mountain Dew. It's stupid how much I love that freaking soda. If I have coffee (which is rare) it's more like "Would you like some coffee with your cream and sugar?" * This Troper enjoys pineapple flavored Jamaican rum or a Shirley Temple Black made with grenadine, Sprite, vodka (because I hate gin and whiskey), and three maraschino cherries when she's feeling playful. When visiting her teetotaler grandparents, either sweet tea or cranberry juice. * Tropers/Miso is not of legal drinking age. Thus, her DrinkOrder at restaurants is always Pepsi [not diet] or Diet Coke. Or, if she's in a certain mood, a vanilla milkshake. At home, if she can get her hands on it, she will drink a Pepsi Throwback. Ahhh, caffeine and sugar.... how I love thee. * Tropers/BertieDastard always orders a pint of 6X or Tribute, or Doombar, when he goes to the pub. IF it's wine, it's Long Shadow Chardonnay, or Gallo Grenache White. Tea? White, no sugar; or, if it's fruit or herbal, then it's brewed for ten minutes with three teaspoons of honey. Soft drink? He'll take Ginger Beer. * This troper's usual drink order is natural orange juice, i don't mind other drinks as long as my first is orange juice. Also I DON'T like coffee at all. * This troper's sister often orders orange juice mixed with ginger ale in what is essentially a non-alcoholic screwdriver. We call it a

hammer. * This [[Tropers/D21Jaydee mexican troper]] likes to try new things whenever he's at a bar, but the usual, both inside and outside the country, is always ''Corona''. It helps that the beer is sold worldwide. * Tropers/TheMysteriousTroper was long anticipating the first legal drink to be had, and thus spent time finding a good mixed drink that was palatable (ie, not urine in a bottle with fizz on top) but still alcoholic. Lo, research gave them [[http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink3971.html the Green Demon]]. It indeed had to be explained to the pub's barkeep, but was delivered (by request) as a tall glass of liquid Kryptonite on ice. The experience was not unlike swallowing a mouthful of Jolly Rancher... followed by a mouthful of Listerine. From now on, the drink order is: [[TheTeetotaler Long Island Ice Tea]] and glass of water with lemon. * [[Tropers/NoLimit I'll]] have a water. *{{beat}}* What? * [[Tropers/HotelKilo This Troper'll]] have an Awr-see in a glass bottle, a lemonade with two packets of Sweet n'Low, or a [[ClevelandRocks Great Lakes Conway's Irish Ale]]. * This troper mixes diet coke and regular Mountain Dew on the idea that a quarter of a cup of dew is better than a full one, as just straight diet colas get very old after a while. * [[Tropers/JMACHine I'll]] usually go for a bottle of Perry (or Pear Cider). Brothers or Bulmers, usually. When not that, i'll go for a Double Baileys on the Rocks (ALWAYS on the Rocks), or a shot of Famous Grouse Scotch. Coffee? One and a half spoonfuls of Coffee, One and a half sponfuls of Sweetner, and mix a fifth of a mugs worth of milk with the Coffee and Sweetner BEFORE adding the hot water. Soft Drinks? A strong, firery Ginger Beer, and an ice-cold Irn-Bru, or a Pepsi will go down a dream, thanks. * [[Tropers/{{Kraas}} This troper]] is Captain Morgan's first mate. Nothing beats the first sip of the first rum and (vanilla) Coke on Friday night after a long-ass week of slaving away for TheMan. Unless it's doing the same thing back home with friends (which this troper does as often as possible). Oh, and if it's beer, it must be Guinness. * [[@/RedWren This troper]] went to Las Vegas, and ended up settling on her drink of choice for several reasons: 1. every place had it, 2. it was something she never had at home, and 3. she finds alcohol in any form tastes terrible (no, seriously. I have no problem with the concept, I just ''really'' don't like it). The drink? ''Whole'' milk. * I don't drink, partially because I'm underage and partially because my mother always told me alcohol tasted like Robitussin. So instead, I drink things like "The Choco-Cafe con leche-Cherry-Berry-Banana Smoothie." It's really quite nice: One banana, one packet of Carnation chocolate-flavored breakfast drink, half a cup of milk, one-quarter cup of coffee (Cafe Loja--really nice, really strong Ecuadorian coffee), half a cup of ice, half a cup of blackberries, and half a cup of cherries. It's a lovely way to get three servings of fruit. * Despite living in Seattle, this Troper's DrinkOrder at a coffee cart is "16 ounce steamed milk, shot of hazelnut." * Pellegrino and other mineral waters quite literally take the edge off for [[Tropers/DonZabu this troper]]. It's a real curiosity to him.

* This Troper MustHaveCaffeine, and prefers [[KlatchianCoffee espresso]]. For real drinks he likes Laphroaig, 15 year, neat. [[CaptainObvious That is a Scotch]]. Failing that, he also likes [[JamesBond martinis]], ([[SeriousBusiness gin, straight up, with a twist]]) and [[AGlassOfChianti red wine]]. * When Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream was in circulation, this troper would down at least 3 cans a day of it, as it was the equivalent of liquid crack. I was a... little upset when I couldn't find it anymore. Nowadays it's things like Mountain Dew Voltage, San Pellegrino, Perrier, and IBC Root Beer. * [[Tropers/{{UFOROMANTIC}} This troper]] wants a pitcher of PBR. Also, champagne for all my real friends, and real pain for all my sham friends. [[DrunkenMontage Hell with it, just give me everything you have, and keep it coming!!]] * [[Tropers/{{Nemica}} This troper]] has her diet coke, or, if alcoholic, Captain Cola (Captain Morgan with Coca Cola). While she isn't that much into alcohol, the question "What'd you like?" becomes almost a rhetorical one. ** Related to AndADietCoke. * [[Tropers/{{BjornStravinsky}} This troper]] likes gin and tonics during the summer and honey-pepper vodka (that's vodka with [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin honey and chili peppers added]]), also called Perzovka in the winter. * [[Tropers/Serperoth Serperoth]] drinks good whisky (Glenfiddich and up) or good beer (Hobgoblin being my favourite, although Newcastle and McFarland are potable). Cocktails, he's only had a few, of which he only liked kiwi with Sprite. ** Oh and he drinks tea. Anything but green, with a bit of sugar. Life without Earl Grey would be life without life. * This troper has quite a few things he can go for: For rum, I might have either a Cuba Libre, or maybe a Mojito if I want a long drink. As far as tequila goes, a lime margarita on the rocks. None of that frozen smoothie crap. And the good stuff. Patron and Cointreau, that you very much. If you try and put Jose Cuervo in there, I ''will'' hurt you. Whiskey? A nice bourbon ([[InglouriousBasterds straight. No junk in it]]) and a glass of water. Woodford Reserve. Maker's Mark if you don't got it. Vodka? Thank you, no; I prefer to taste what I'm drinking. Or maybe a nice gin and tonic to help me relax. ** What's your beers? You got Shiner Bock? Good. Keep 'em coming. If not, I'll have a Guinness. Extra stout. *** Also, when I'm at home, I like to make something for myself: 2 oz spiced or dark rum, 4 oz pomegranate juice, and 1 oz lime juice. I call it a Persephone, and it's heavenly. *** Better yet, [[AuthorExistenceFailure hell, let's have one of each]]. * Beer is perhaps the oldest man-made beverage the world has seen and I am one in a long, long line of fellas who enjoy the occasional brew. I lean towards pale ales because they're a great source of dietary silicon. I also admit to liking girly beers like Monteiths Radler Bier even though I prefer others. * Peppermint Schnapps. Mixed with nothing else. * This troper, being below the legal drinking age, has come up with

some strange non-alcoholic drinks. The Sunday Special (whipped cream with cocolate/strawberry syrup layered in a shot glass), a Hot Mess (tabasco sauce sprinkled with cajun seasoning), Otaku Martinis (Cherry coke & root beer with a pocky swizzle stick), and Hummingbirds (sugar water). That was one heckuva birthday party... * This troper was the one at the office Christmas party whose coworkers all ordered tropical drinks while she sipped a double of rum. * [[Tropers/BjornStravinsky This troper]] enjoys vodka in the winter, gin and tonics in the summer, and Everclear if he actually wants to get drunk any time soon. ** Turkish coffee or french pressed in a pinch, single sugar, single cream. * [[Tropers/{{Outsyder0486}} This guy]] will take a margarita. What?! They're delicious! When I'm feeling more masculine, I'll take a rum and coke. As for non-alcoholic beverages, I'll have a diet ginger ale. * The last time [[Tropers/{{EnglishMajor}} This guy]] went out drinking I was doing good after a beer, a shot of Jameson, and a whiskey 7-up...then I had the tequila and I was gone. Me drinking tequila is like eating pot brownies: I know I'll have too many and I'll be sick the next morning but it's ''so good''...then I start seeing things and get paranoid... * On a day-to-day basis, [[Tropers/{{Renagade}} This troper]] settles for Coke. Pepsi is fine if Coke is unavailable, but you can expect me to be unhappy about it. If I happen to be abroad, feeling adventurous, and it's on the menu, I'll take a few shots of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amaretto Amaretto.]] On the rocks. * Coke, or at times, Ramune. * [[{{@/Enthryn}} This troper]] will often order "a cup of tea, any green or herbal is fine, just pick one at random." That way I get a nice variety. ---Get another round of [[DrinkOrder the usual]]. <<|TroperTales|>>

DrivesLikeCrazy Most of us have encountered at least one crazy driver in our lifetimes. Here are some anecdotes from the tropers that survived: ---* This troper's dad works with a guy that--quite infamously--stated "When you've been in the ditch as many times as I have, you know how to get out". This man is well-known for putting a pickup truck in the ditch sideways with KIDS BESIDES HIS OWN IN THE VEHICLE. * This troper had a nightmare like that once. Complete with air time. On a more realistic incident he once saw some driver on the freeway spinning around in CIRCLES. Finally ending by slamming into a wall. Apparently they didn't learn their lesson and then proceeded to rush forwards at about 90. Additionally this tropers teacher once told me about how he had in incident with this in colledge. Apparently after drinking some really strong booze he hallucinated being in the Indy 500. Fortunately nobody was harmed.

* This troper's whole family. The checklist: Speeding? Yes. On a curvy road? Yes. At night? Yes. Headlights? Nope. Okay, we're good so far. What's in the cupholder? Beer. And yet, everyone always seems to drive very well. Mostly it's just going to fast. To quote this troper's dad, when she was driving out in the country for the first time: "Slow down, you're going 80 on a 45 and there's a cop around the corner! If you get a ticket, so help me..." * This troper's aunt drives like a nut, she'll go very slow then VERY fast then stop suddenly.It drives me up the wall... * {{Cales}} here, of the Kunin Doujin Circle. ''I'' drive like crazy. And I play final boss music from various videogames while I do it, because it pumps me up and lets me see what my car can really do. Considering mine's just a Pontiac Grand Prix, with no work done on it, I can be... ''surprisingly'' fast. ** This troper raises that by playing Initial D music. Safe for the quick switching am I a rather passive driver though. But when I can drive fast, oh boy, I do. * My friends were driving off ridiculous hills at ridiculous speeds and actually made a puncture with the gas tank. The trail of gasoline also caught on fire and started following them...thankfully, they were on a back road and nothing and nobody was injured or blown up. * You need know only one thing about driving in Montreal, and that is: take the metro. Trust me, a cab is not a safer option. ** This troper would like to add Quebec City to that, but replace "take the metro" (since there isn't one) with "''just walk everywhere''". She can't attest to the taxi drivers, but ''everyone else'' is frighteningly aggressive. It's for that reason she and her brother refuse to drive while visiting. * This troper's mother thinks this troper DrivesLikeCrazy despite never having had an accident of any kind or even a speeding ticket. The most frustrating thing is that having said mother in the car tends to make driving much more difficult, since it is very distracting to have someone shriek "Stop sign! Stop sign!" when said stop sign is still a hundred metres away in broad daylight. ** I feel your pain. I refuse to drive my mom unless she's had a drink for two reasons: one, she's calmer when buzzed and two, I don't want her driving buzzed. ** This troper's mom will not even let this troper drive her in the first place, which isn't really fair, especially considering that (while nowhere near true DrivesLikeCrazy status) my mother is a fairly aggressive driver herself. For the most part, I'm ''too'' cautious. And stringently obedient of the speed limit even when literally everyone around me is exceeding it by some 20 kph. Although I do have a less-than-calming habit of stopping very suddenly; I haven't quite got the hang of brake-pedal finesse. * This troper tends to cycle like that, only scattering soft, squishy pedestrians rather than painful and hard cars. * This troper's most... er, memorable experience on the road involved a Catholic priest driving at breakneck speed down a twisty mountain road, barreling down narrow one-way streets, pretending that the brakes were busted right before a cliff, and other shenanigans. All this in a minivan so overcrowded that this troper was squeezed between

someone's knees and the seat in front of them. Luckily enough, said priest was actually good enough to pull this off without killing anyone or damaging anything. ** Considering who was driving, it may not have been a question of skill so much as divine protection. * In yet another example, this troper's experiences in Ireland mostly fell under this category. The worst of it involved a tow truck driver going down windy roads at over 40mph right next to stone walls, steering one handed, all while talking on his cellphone about the money he'd lost at the weekend races. Oh, and there were no seatbelts to speak of in the back seat where this troper and her mother were crammed. This troper also remembers being told that due to the wonky license system in Ireland, unlicensed individuals drive with an "L" on their back window, which the locals claim stand for "Loony". And just to clarify, this troper's family being of Irish descent proves that the crazy driving gene crossed the pond (in fact, the very reason we were in a tow truck was because said troper's father had managed to get the axle of the rental car twisted on a rock, not helped by the fact that Irish roads are about half the size of American roads and have no shoulder to speak of, and the fact that we were jet-lagged as hell did ''not'' help). ** But besides the rock incident, this troper's father, while driving to the point that the "invisible break pedal" gets used ''a lot'', only ever got into an accident (that was his fault) that ''one'' time. Cue jokes about Irish luck. * This troper's dad once joked (?) that ''TheItalianJob'' ride at Canada's Wonderland was no different than driving with one of his employees. Apparently including the helicopters, exploding fuel barrels and random police cars. This troper couldn't help but agree after remembering an experience of driving with the crazy fellow, and fearing the car would roll on corners (as well as admiring the grip of the wheels). ** It seems one of her friends is the same way. Though he's gotten a little better over the years. She finds herself feeling a little unsettled when in the car when her brother's driving, but that's less of an issue of him being a reckless driver and more of an inexperienced and equally nervous one. But she'll point out that her tendency to use the invisible brake pedal is the case for any car she's a passenger in regardless of who's driving or how well they're braking. It's become an ingrained habit since learning to drive. * Let's just say there's a reason this troper has failed his driving test five times. Yeah. ** Got you beat: seven times by age 21, and driving age here is 18. * This troper's dad has several stories to tell, including one in which his brother sent both said brother and this troper's father flying 50 feet off a ramp and the bottom falling out upon landing (specifically after this troper's father said NOT to go off the ramp); and a taxi-driver that, thanks to a short out-of-service bridge, took a dive into a ravine and very narrowly avoiding a flock of sheep. * This troper's actually a pretty good driver. His parents, while being technically skilled, are still very amusing to watch when they hit the road. His dad constantly tries to streetrace every single

person who he feels has unjustly passed him; as for his mom, well, let's just say it's like riding shotgun with Joe Pesci. * This troper's old man used to be a New York City taxi cab driver. He taught this troper how to drive. Put two and two together. ** [[{{Portal}} Ten... IN BASE 4, I'M FINE THANK YOU.]] *** 100. In binary. **** Wrong, 2 does not exist in binary. 100 halved in binary is 10. ** Eight? ** Five. [[NineteenEightyFour Big Brother says so.]] ** This New York troper ups the tip when the cab driver drives according to stereotype. * This troper cycles like crazy; high speeds, drafting passing cars, fast cornering at angles where only the absolute edge of the tire is in use, feet of air off anything raised, and treating potholed roads as a flat surface. ** And also uses this trope muchly for his RPG characters, one of whom has become legendary in the setting for bad driving that puts Elwood Blues to shame. Including shortcuts through malls, off bridges, THROUGH BRICK WALLS and suchlike. ** And isn't much better in games, having inspired mad rushes for vehicles in Halo to stop him driving the Warthog because it makes the other passengers motion-sick. And goes through cars like crazy in vehicular sandboxes; in some resorting to tanks because anything faster will slide off the road or get demolished by the scenery. *** You too, huh? This troper sucks at controlling virtual vehicles and likes to drive them at their maximum speed whenever possible, which is an obvious recipe for disaster. I can't ''count'' the number of times I smashed into something, got stuck in a corner, flipped the car over, or drove off cliffs in ''Half-Life 2'' (my version of Gordon Freeman must have failed Driver's Ed), and my most common reason for failing races in ''Midtown Madness 2'' is that I destroyed my vehicle. * This troper is only a mild example, after reading some of these examples. Rear-ending another vehicle on the first behind-the-wheel with an instructor or doing the same to a classmate's father was nothing, though the former was mildly amusing for timing it just when he was trying to fill out the evaluation and couldn't hit the brakes himself. Fishtailing from behind a semi across two lanes of a busy freeway and pulling a 180 into the dividing ditch, hitting a police officer, and slipping into a ditch twice as deep as the car was tall on three consecutive occasions on the exact same night...that was something. The police officer was surprisingly polite considering she had been hit at 4 AM while her siren was on, all things considered. ** The same troper can now add a new one. Almost losing control of the car while entering the freeway in inclement weather led to the thought that "OK, remember what happened last time. If I fishtail, I need to accelerate to pull out." Not five minutes later, "Feels like I'm starting to lose control. Let's just brake a lit-GYEH!" Unsurprisingly, this ended with hitting the concrete median nose-on at 30-40 MPH with the car still trying to move laterally along the road. Newton is a harsh mistress, but at least the car repair shop was amused when they saw us bring the car in the next day - they're located on top of a hill right next to there and, as it turned out,

saw the entire thing. * According to this troper's father, this troper's great grandfather had something like this occur. Now, this troper's great grandfather was legally blind at the time - his nephew was taking him for a trip out in the country, and decided to let the old man get behind the wheel. They were fine...until a Texas state marshal happened along on the road. He got out of his car, and stood in the middle of the road, hand raise, while this tropers great grandfather sped toward him doing seventy if he was doing ten mph, only to finally have it screech to a halt, not ten feet away from him. The kicker? The worst they could get him on was driving without a license - it's not illegal to drive while blind, after all. He was legally barred from ever driving in the state of Texas, however. * Mediterranean. ''Mediterranean''. * This troper's sister was driving down the highway while putting on her make up, breaking the speed limit, and zigging through the lines on the highway for fun. Also, this troper's brother-in-law isn't much better. ** This troper had a friend whose sister did exactly the same thing. She'd put on make up, talk on the phone, change the stereo, all while driving at probably 70+ in a 40 mile an hour zone. Sometimes she'd zig-zag between lanes, other times she'd just swerve around in OUR lane. Needless to say, this troper mentioned that "All cars you drive should come equipped with an 'OH SHIT' handle..." * This troper's granddad once decided that the best way to get to his destination was down a flight of steps. He was driving at the time. And just to add, he knocked over a traffic warden's drink at the bottom. * Sort of a double subversion, yes, a double subversion in real life. My sister will have some music playing device (not sure what kind, I think it's an iPod shuffle) in her car which has the Speed Racer theme on it. She actually never has done anything bad except one time when the song came on, she steered left and right rapidly. You'd be surprised how sick that can make you. ** That movie is the reason this troper is not getting his Ls any time soon. Whilst being driven back from it he actually complained that the car was going too slow. * This troper lives in the Colorado Rockies. Between her house and the nearest town of any mentionable size is a classic twisty, turny mountain pass. A rite of passage at her high school was to take said pass at ''twice'' the posted limit - 70MPH ''at the slowest''. (Troper accomplished it in a bulky old SUV. Boo-yah.) ** Similar story; there's an extremely twisty road near me with a 60mph limit that is renowned for being the worst thing that can happen if you're on your test with an examiner that's really bitchy about speed. Hence a well-known challenge between local learners to take the road WITHOUT GOING LESS THAN 50MPH. The only time you're allowed to slow down is for the really sharp left turn at the end of it. On another note, while I'm normally a sensible driver, I'm known in my family for having nearly lost traction on a roundabout I took slightly too fast. Plus, a co-worker of my mother's was known to fixate on the headlights of oncoming traffic and sloooowly drift into the wrong

lane... * This troper knows someone who maxed out the speedo on their 5 year old pickup, going down a 7.5% grade. * This troper has a little sister who suffers from terrible motion sickness. She has thrown up in Mom's car more times than we care to count. One day, Mom was driving said little sister and little sister's friend to an athletic event... and the friend threw up. Turns out it's not just my sister. ** Whenever we visit my folks', I very nobly offer to drive when we go anywhere for this very reason. Mom has gotten very ... abrupt with the brake and gas pedals and in making turns. * Whilst riding with my in-laws one time I told a joke I'd heard on the radio about a wife hearing a warning on the radio about a car driving down the wrong side of the highway. Knowing that that was the route her husband took home, she called him on his phone to warn him about the maniac driving the wrong way. His response? "You're tell me! There's a hundred of them!" My father-in-law laughed himself to tears (while driving) because almost the exact same thing had happened to Great-Grandma Kate (who I never knew). She also one time drove an hour over to someone's house and promptly drove right into their trash can. Her excuse? "Well, I've been seeing double, so I couldn't tell exactly where it was." * This troper's aunt has a hell of a lead foot, and tends to drive rather aggressively, despite owning a Tiny Car. * [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]] is usually a calm and collected driver... but if he has to, he's more than capable of driving at 120 km/h in the beltway (speed limit is 80 km/h), while talking over the phone, while changing the song on his iPod. He never goes beyond 60 km/h in his neighborhood, but because the traffic cops often round up tons of speeders there. His fuel tank lasts 30% less than it should, and there's a reason why he knows his Sunfire maxes out at 176 km/h... ** This Troper hit 100 MPH in his Cavalier on a very special stretch or road once, but the Cavalier/Sunfire is not the kind of car to drive at that speed with for any length of time, given its Pinto-like build quality. ** Alternatively, you can count 60% of all the motorists and ''90%'' of all the truck, cab and bus drivers in Guadalajara. Since Da_Nuke's neighborhood is pretty much the only place where there ''are'' traffic laws, you can get away with driving as dirty as you want for at least 3 years. And just to make things worse, 60% of his friends declared ''they don't care about driving drunk''. * [[SabreJustice This troper's]] (non-wicked) stepmother watched me playing GrandTheftAuto: Vice City and said that she would ''never'' let me drive her car. Given the way I drive an unregistered, unroadworthy vehicle on private property as practice, this is probably a healthy attitude. ** [[Tropers/{{G-Mon}} This troper's]] brother visits this site? * This Troper's grandmother. ** Mine thinks that you don't have to use the center turning lane. * This troper is a legend at her high school for totaling the driver's ed car by flipping it. Not rolling it, flipping it. As in, the back bumper went over the front bumper.

** ''How'' did you manage that? ** Please, ''please'' tell us that at least it wasn't on a flat surface... ** Please, '''''please''''' tell us how you managed that! * This troper spent some time in Italy and Greece, and while she didn't drive or take many vehicles outside of public transportation... the lines on the road weren't so much absolutes as they were suggestions, the speedometer was just a needle on the dashboard, and turn signals were a relic of the 20th century. * This troper tends to go faster the farther he has to go, and has had more than his share of accidents due to absent-mindedness, although the worst (full spinout off the road, taking out a fencepost with the left rear door) was a result of a wet road and old tires. Still, he doesn't hold a candle to his last girlfriend, who doesn't so much suffer road rage as revel in it, and never gets behind a car she could pass. And then there's a friend of said ex, who while ''technically'' very skilled, treats lines as suggestions, parked cars and other obstacles as challenges, and speed limits as jokes. * This troper's fine on normal days on normal roads. He treats blizzards as challenges, though. Ice = fun! Nothing like a few donuts on a major highway to liven up a cold morning. * [[{{Sylocat}} This troper]]'s father demands to drive whenever we go somewhere together, because dad refuses to ride in the car when I'm at the wheel. And several of my college friends have said that they're looking forward to being able to afford their own cars so I won't have to give them rides everywhere. Ironically, my reflexes have been [[IKnowMortalKombat honed on enough racing games]] that I've never been in an accident. Also, [[EvenEvilHasStandards I still never use a cell phone while driving]]... * [[AmuroNT1 This troper]]'s girlfriend refers to the dry cleaning handles on the roof of the car as "Oh Shit Handles" as a general reference to people like this; the troper himself calls them "Jarred Handles" in honor of a friend who provided a much more specific example. Basically, if [[FoxTrot Peter Fox]] has done it, Jarred probably has too. * Based on this troper's experience dealing with the psychos in Cleveland, you don't have to be crazy to get an Ohio driver's license. But neither is it going to ''count against you''. ** Try Phoenix. This troper is from Cleveland and moved to Arizona about a year ago, and Cleveland drivers aren't nearly as insane as the genocidal maniacs on the road down here. And that's when they're ''not'' texting or '''brushing their teeth''' while driving. * All these mentions of New York, the Bahamas, Canada, what have you... And not one mention of Miami. In said lovely city, not only does each and every single one of them drive not like they want to get somewhere but like they want to murder YOU, personally. They're also extremely likely to pull a gun on you. And that's to say nothing about the ACTUAL criminals. ** DaveBarry explains Miami drivers by referencing "the hallowed Miami tradition, still observed today, under which every motorist drives according to the laws of his or her individual country or planet of origin. "

** There was an Insurance Survey that listed Miami as having the worst drivers in America! * [[{{Gecko}} This troper's]] great-grandfather allegedly never looked before turning or backing up. * [[{{SAMAS}} This Troper]] would describe himself as "Crazy but Calculating". He will sometimes do crazy stuff, but only after analyzing it out to see if he'll make it. * [[{{Orihime}} This Troper]] as her father's co-driver, ten years ago: --> Daaaaad?! You're skirting the speed limits in the city! Don't pretend to drive with your eyes closed! I know I was a little girl when I once pushed your foot on the pedals, but PLEEEEEEEEASE! *almost crying until her father finally slows down* Needless to say, the troper never ever sat next to him if he was driving. * Aversion: This troper knows she has driving difficulties due to a huge blind spot in her field of vision which has gotten worse over time. Every car she's owned has had a dented front right wheel well. Started on the first day I drove on my own and continued every time she drove her or someone else's car. As a result, instead of renewing her driver's license this year, she went to Motor Vehicles and said she wanted a Non-driver ID instead of a renewal due to vision loss. ''They tried to talk her into renewing her license anyway!'' ** It's government, you expected them to be interested in peoples safety. * This troper drives carefully in his European home country, because its traffic cops are alert and their fines harsh. But his SAAB has a powerful turbo and is therefore capable of doing swift overtakes. Currently he resides in Kabul, where his employer has provided the staff with armored jeeps (Mercedes Gelandewagen B6), weighing about four tons. He made the German driving instructor pale by overtaking a bus on a narrow street without realizing that the B6 has really lousy acceleration compared to a SAAB. The two Toyota Corolla taxis coming from the opposite direction had to get up on the sidewalk to avoind being mangled by the hulking jeep. The driving instructor gathered his wits and said (with a heavy German accent): "Dat wass nott good." * [[AssumeAVirtue This troper]] once rode shotgun with a guy who was tripling the speed limit, playing chicken with a school bus, while throwing old CRT monitors out the window. * During this troper's first trip to Michigan in the summer of 2006, he and his mother were driving on the turnpike in Atlanta. It was completely black because, despite the streetlights and headlights, the car was surrounded with large semis, the back light on the old 1989 Lincoln Towncar was stuck on, preventing them from seeing behind them, AND they suddenly saw that the sign for their exit was on the opposite side of the highway as the actual exit. This forced the troper to hang half his body out the window to check for cars and scream "GO!" to his mother so she could blaze across the lanes and nearly end up slamming into a semi. ** The [[{{chitoryu12}} same troper]] also recalls his first trip to NYC in the summer of 2008. When he and his mother were resting at a church near a busy intersection, another group of tourists decided to

jaywalk against the light. This resulted in the oncoming taxi driver, rather than stopping, speeding up missing the lead woman by literally ''inches'' as he blared his horn. ** And in another instance, his friend Jenni was telling a story to the rest of the theatre geeks at lunch about a funny story when she ran over the grass median, and called her mother, sobbing. Her mother asked her what she had run over, and she responded with "The MEDIAN!" It got worse when the kid next to her asked why she had run over the median, and she promptly responded "Because I was driving in the wrong lane!" * This troper's father is pretty good most of the time, but when he's in a bad mood (which is, unfortunately, often), he ''annihilates'' the speed limit, passes on the right, and makes liberal use of the horn, among other dangerous ventures. Incidents resulting from this never fails to make me feel like my father never grew up. To be fair, one time ''I'' was the crazy driver... and even now, three or four years later, my sister, who was in the passenger seat, refuses to get in the car with me, even when it's murderously inconvenient to make other arrangements, even though I have used that incident to remind myself to ''never'' drive crazy again. Yeah, I don't know what's up with my family. * This seems to run in this troper's family, at least on my father's side. Normally, my father drives only slightly like crazy, but it will easily escalate into cases where I would close my eyes and pray for my survival, while trying to hold myself in place. My sister is better, yes, but still DrivesLikeCrazy when compared to normal people. Me? I like to think that I'm good, except in curves, which I take way too bloody fast. Of course, nearly everyone who's witnessed my driving has told me to stop driving like crazy, and this includes my father as well. * This troper's boyfriend is generally a good driver. Doesn't speed, doesn't corner like a madman, and tries to give everyone the same respect on the road that he'd want. The one exception to this was late October 2008 due to seriously extenuating circumstances that already had this troper worrying about the odds of her survival. (I don't want to go into it, because it makes me sound like a crazy person.) We made it through the trip okay, but it shook even him and he swore not to ever drive like that again unless he had no other option. * This Troper's grandmother scares the crap out of his father when she gets behind the wheel. * This Troper was once driven home at a speed of about 150 kph on a winding two-lane road with a posted limit of 70 kph. The driver was steering with his knees so he could roll and smoke a joint on the way. He had ridiculous amounts of faith in his radar detector, until This Troper informed him that the RCMP have been on LIDAR for a while now. * This Troper, whilst playing pretty much any game (but then who drives safe in those anyway?). Drives like crazy, sure, but some of them ''demand'' it. Particularly races, some chase sequences, and some against-the-clock parts, such as the 'finale' of {{Halo}} Combat Evolved. ** Further example; driving the UP Raven in {{Mercenaries}} 2. It's squishy, sure, but if you need to get ''anywhere'' in a hurry, even

through a major warzone, the UP Raven is ''the'' way to go. Tearing down the middle of the two-lane roads and weaving between traffic like a madman, usually whilst dodging small arms fire and the occasional tank shell/rocket/missile... absolutely exhilarating! Now do it in the Ameri-- err, ''Allied'' tank! Finally, tanks that have good road speeds. * Bangladesh. All of it. This pageless troper lived there for three years, and became quite used to seeing cars, for example, going the wrong way around roundabouts. Fortunately, the traffic is too bad to let anyone go too fast. ** Until you get out of Dhaka. * This troper's older brother still swears up and down that the worst drivers are seniors, women, Ohioans, and anyone with a vanity license plate. HypocriticalHumor because said brother ''also'' happens to be a downright suicidal driver as well, and speeds ''everywhere''. The road that goes to our house is narrow, hilly, full of car-eating potholes and blind corners, blind driveways, and some really, really stupid pedestrians. The speed limit is thirty-five mph. My brother regularly drives at '''fifty'''. * Oh, I have some stories to tell... ** My brother used to drive like this. Given our home town, I'd say he's only aggressive enough rather than too aggressive a driver. Going a little fast and being ready for sharp manoeuvres is a requirement to drive here. He's mellowed greatly, and has a much bigger car now. ** Dad delivered newspapers for extra money when I was in grade school. Fortunately there was nobody else on the road at 3:20 AM to witness the insane crap he did. That might be where my brother got it from. ** Dad rode with an elderly fellow once. ''Once.'' The old man wasn't outright nuts like most of the examples on this page, but riding with him was... well, nauseating. Every time he got going a little too fast, he'd step on the brakes; that slowed him down too much, so he'd step on the acclerator. Dad nearly got seasick from the gas-brake-gasbrake shuffle! ** Tale from a coworker from when he was 19 and had a Ford Mustang. The setting: South Carolina. Some friends had invited him to a football game taking place in Columbia, they somehow ended up with an extra ticket, or someone bailed on them at the last minute. The game was about three hours from the phone call, they figured they'd meet him at the stadium, since he would have to drive all the way from Myrtle Beach, a distance of a hundred-forty or so miles. Paying even scant attention to speed limits means that the trip in question should take two and a half to three hours; stopping is optional if you have the fuel and [[BladderOfSteel bladder capacity]].\ My Coworker claims that he made the drive from Myrtle Beach to Columbia in ''ninety minutes'', pulling into his friends' driveway as they finished packing up to get to the tailgate party. Cue numerous jaws hitting the ground. ** I sometimes wonder if big cities induce this kind of driving. One of my cousins lived in Atlanta, GA for a while; on the road from his place to his girlfriend's, the posted speed limit changed four times, 70, 65, 60, to 55. He said that nobody went below 80 MPH.

** Another story from from Atlanta comes from a friend who had taken a rather long trip further west. Her old ([[TheAllegedCar and I do mean OLD]]) pickup truck was rather heavily loaded down, so she wasn't going to set any records. She'd been driving 55MPH, below the posted speed limit of 60, for several hours before getting to the city, and didn't change that as she got on the beltway around Atlanta. A policeman pulled her over for going ''too slow''. The officer explained: "If someone obeys the speed limits around here, there's something ''else'' illegal - expired tags, no license, drunk, ''something''." The officer gave her a warning, and told her to keep up with the traffic. ** While driving I often find myself doing some of the things mentioned above, though most of the time Calculated Crazy. However, I am a far bigger danger ''on foot,'' since I walk at high subsonic speeds, dodge through shortcuts, cross landscaping, duck through railings, etc. If I were in better physical shape, I'd probably take that to [[LeParkour dangerous levels.]] *** ''Et tu?'' [[@/SabresEdge This Troper]] tends to drive rather timidly and is a cautious if overfast cyclist, but treats walking as an exercise in obstacle avoidance. The fact that I am used to thinking of 12-mph-on-two-wheels as my standard speed doesn't help matters. Add to that my marching band 190-beats-per-minute experience (that's a little over ''three steps per second''), and it's little wonder that my friends prefer not to walk alongside me when I'm at full stride. For me, a high-speed walk often entails maneuvering between trees and unsuspecting pedestrians with only inches to spare. With a twentypound mountaineering pack strapped firmly to my back, which has collided with others on occasion. * One troper who lives in Sacramento, CA, and has experienced Los Angeles traffic firmly believes that the former is worse (and has met professional bus/truck drivers who agree). Basically, yeah, LA drivers are nuts, but in a rather self-absorbed, impersonal way. Sacramento drivers are actively aggressive and are actively trying to cause harm to other drivers, especially anyone who dares shift into their lane. They will speed up to intentionally prevent lane changes, regardless of how close the involved cars come to colliding as a result. This might explain the local allergy to the use of turn signals. ** {{NeoSilverThorn}} agrees. There's something about Sacramento that makes the drivers homicidal. It even affects the elderly. Climbing into a car with my Grandpa Selby (who lived in Sacramento) was an experience that's hard to forget, if only because he drove like he was on the German autobahn with a case of severe road rage. His being on ''oxygen'' at the time didn't affect his performance in the least. *** Top Fuel? :-P * This troper's little sister gets carsick when Mum drives, but not when Dad does. We thought this ''might'' just be a coincidence until the little sister's best friend, who had never got carsick before in her life, got into the car with Mum and threw up all over herself. * This troper's best friend is the personification of the trope, to the point of taking a 35-degree gravel incline at nearly 80 miles per hour in a station wagon loaded down with camping gear, catching air in a Geo Metro, and taking a tractor road at 60. Said friend is now

attending the NASCAR school up in Seattle. * {{Neep}} doesn't have a driver's license. Considering the way I bicycle, you should all be grateful. ** Nor does {{CodeMan38}}. After several attempts at practicing driving turned out like something out of [[AzumangaDaioh Yukarisensei]]'s playbook, largely due to the fact that said troper is as spacey as Osaka, he decided it'd be best not to bother with it... * Naples, Italy. Speed limits and stop lights are considered ''suggestions''. While waiting at an intersection, I saw at least two cars going at least 100 kilometres per hour go through that one intersection. One of them was being chased by police, who were also going as fast. ''And that was all in less than two minutes''. ** If ''those'' are "suggestions", then what gets to be treated as a genuine decree binding on everybody?! * [[NeoSilverThorn]]'s mother is the single most sane driver he knows. Unless she's stressed, in which case one ''holds on for dear life'' and prays she doesn't get you killed by turning through oncoming traffic that's only a few ''feet'' away. * Irritatingly averted for [[{{Azvolrien}} this troper]]. I drive considerably more carefully and courteously than half the nutters you see on the streets of Edinburgh, yet I've still failed my test five times for things like 'driving too slowly in a 40 mph limit'. * When she was younger, This Troper had recurring nightmares because of her anxieties about her father's driving. In the dreams, her father drove while sitting in the ''back seat of the car''. This Troper eventually realized that such a thing was impossible, and never had the dream again. * On this troper's first day of Driving, I almost ran over a mailbox and almost crashed into the garage. But Mom insisted I "did Good, better than Alison (my sister)". I can't help but wonder what ''she'' did on her first day of driving. * Upon visiting Paris, I was astonished at the immense number of bizarre one-way signs and mazes of islands. I literally couldn't see any legal way of driving anywhere, and neither could the French, who ignored all signage and lights. ** Same [[KingSonnDeeDoo here]]. My father and I soon realised that it had been a ''very'' wise idea not to rent a car, and as such, mainly travelled via the Metro system. * No, this [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny ADHD]] troper will ''not'' lose focus and end up crashing into people if he takes the wheel unmedicated. He may, however, reach triple-digit speeds... or make left turns that are relatively close calls. Also, the university ''really'' needs to move those parking spaces a few feet further away from the back wall of the gymnasium. I've backed into that goddamn building ''twice''. * This troper once saw part of a documentation about autobahn patrols - including a chase from the perspective of the patrol, where they were chasing a real nutcase, who escaped by driving well past 200 km/h on the emergency lane and crossed all possible ramps at the same speed. Yeah, that guy left the autobahn at 200 km/h, crossed two lanes at the same speed without any real chance of reacting to any traffic at all, and reentered directly after. Hey had to pull that three times

before the patrol decided they've had enough. Seriously, that guy must've been crazy, suicidal, or both. * Among his friends, this Troper is the go-to guy in case they need to get somewhere "very fast, with no particular concern over well-being, physical or otherwise". Doesn't help that he grew up (and learned to drive) in a country where pretty much everyone drives like that. * This troper knows someone who, although he has enough sheer skill to be able to steer with his ''knees'' incredibly well if he wants to, he treats speed limits as suggestions and stop signs as annoyances unless there's a cop or a pedestrian. * [[{{Dammmerung}} This Troper]] is a little like that, used to be terrible in his teenage years. Yellow cautionary speeds are score challenges where you try for double (i.e. 60mph on a 30mph turn.) I frequently drove between LA and Vegas and always tried to top my car out coming down Tehachapi. Once caught serious air ''in a parking garage''. One of my friends, a true ZenSurvivor, once "woke up to see us boxed in and rapidly approaching the back of a boat trailer. I repented for my sins and went back to sleep." Oddly, every accident I've been at fault in, I wasn't driving unreasonably. * This troper's mother once did Hunstanton, Norfolk, to Dover, Kent (187 miles) in a shitty Metro in two and a quarter hours. And there's no motorway for the first sixty miles. She later wrote off that Metro when she parked it in the back of a [[CurbStompBattle Land Rover]]. The frequent joke was that she got her driving license in a cereal box. Her father was no better. * This troper's father has a nasty habit of crossing a particularly busy four-lane road against the traffic. At peak hour. In an OLD diesel Land Cruiser, which aren't known for great performance. Surprisingly, he has managed to never collide with oncoming traffic despite being unable to reach second gear before the other side. * Uhm, guess no North Texans have contributed to this page. [[GoshDangItToHeck My stars and garters]] can the drivers here be wacky. Cutting across from the left lane to an exit on the interstate, crossing the double white line in the process? No problem! There is one thing that can tame a Texas driver, though: ice and/or snow. Bring wintry weather into the picture, though, and everyone's going two miles an hour even on the freeways, if they're out at all that is-Fort Worth, a city of 720,000, resembles a ghost town in some places on the two days or so per year the roads are icy. ** The "cut across all lanes to the offramp" bit is standard in the Sacramento area. See above for additional comments about Sacramento "drivers", from two different tropers. * This troper's mother was talking to a Las Vegas detective during a party, who told her and I quote, "Speed limits? Eh, they're just suggestions". Bear in mind this troper's mother regularly sets her cruise control on 14 MpH above the speed limit because at 15 Mph over they can impound your car. And she's from LA. * Driving in Tijuana is the vehicular equivalent of a PacifistRun in {{Touhou}} on [[{{NintendoHard}} Lunatic]]. I literally had to [[{{InitialD}} Gutter Run a corner]] just to avoid a crash one time. That's right: [[{{IKnowMortalKombat}} Initial D Arcade Stage 3 SAVED MY LIFE!]]

* This troper has a friend who recently learned how his Bolivian great-grandfather passed away. Overtaking a school bus. Which was overtaking a car. Which was overtaking a lorry. On a two lane (in each direction) road. Aged 80. * This troper's uncle, aunt and their children. There are few things more terrifying than driving with them. I've never been in the car when they've crashed, but they all have, and I'm not surprised. The thing that does shock me is they are all still alive. * This Troper has [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial never taken a corner fast enough to lose traction on dry pavement, and he's certainly never made what's normally a forty-five minute trip in under fifteen minutes.]] * This Troper hasn't cycled for a while, but he's generally a bit of a speedfreak on anything with wheels. His cycling pride and joy was going down a hill at full pedal and then drifting into a garage and then into the backyard. ** Which, he now remembers, is NOTHING compared to this shit his dad got up too as a youngster. For example: going down a very inclined, very winding highway. On a pushbike. WITHOUT HIS HANDS. He'd beat the cars on the way down. * Heck, this Troper's entire family drives this way! Dad once did 80 mph while driving the wrong way down a one-way street with a posted speed limit of 25 in the middle of rush hour in a busy city because we were late for my graduation ceremony. Mom ignores posted rules and guidelines on a regular basis, and will turn the air rather blue behind us when she sees anyone try to pass her. My younger sister is very courteous toward other drivers, but any car she drives spontaneously develops a magnetic attraction to the fire hydrant by our driveway, whereas I've been jokingly called the "designated getaway driver" by my friends ever since I power-slid the Prius while making an illegal u-turn on a busy street. * [[GoatBoy This troper]]'s dad is one of the best drivers he knows, but ''not'' the best ''legal'' driver. We haven't given him a lame nickname like "Captain U-Turn", but it wouldn't be inappropriate. * This troper's sister puts on make-up and mascara in the car. Heck, she even puts on DEODORANT. * This troper's father, who normally scares the living hell out of her while driving, managed to make her almost cry when he announced, while steering with his knees, lighting a cigarette, and texting that "hey honey we're going 90!" but considering this was I-10 west bound only a bit outside of Houston and it's suburbs, not exactly surprising. * My mantra while driving is not to go too terribly fast, but to never slow down. Having driven the same car for a year and a half and kept it in good condition, I know it's limits well. However, my friends and I were late for my best friend's wedding pictures and were seriously making time. Unfortunately, I-81 in SW Virginia is one of the most heavily trafficked highways by 18 wheelers. Making time is hard and occasionally scary. My best friend then calls my friends (they're his brothers) and tells them that he left his tie at the house. They had to turn around after a quarter of the way and go back for it while I kept booking it. It took me 45 minutes to make the trip. I only beat them by half an hour. A terrifying thought.

** My father awoke one time on a trip through the desert to find my mother caning the nine passenger station wagon we owned. When he asked her how fast she was going, she was unable to tell him because the speedometer needle had dissapeared well past the guage's 100 mph limit. It required a full ten seconds to coast back down to 100. My father has never slept in a car again. My mother no longer drives. * This troper's brother does this inadvertently, as he has the very unsafe habit of texting while driving. We once almost ran into a mailbox (that new housing kind where it's housed inside a brick column) because he was texting and not paying attention. * [[WeissYohji This troper]] is from Delaware, and here the worst drivers are old people and Pennsylvanians. PA drivers seem to love hitting their brakes every few seconds, and they're even worse when they come down here during the summer. It's a very common sight for us LAPDs (Locals Against Pennsylvania Drivers) to yell at least five cuss words at anyone with a PA license plate. Only reason we tolerate those fucking Keystoners? [[http://www.wawa.com/WawaWeb/ Wawa]]. * Cyclists in Brisbane regard traffic lights as only applying to cars. Oh how squishily wrong they are. * [[@/SabresEdge This troper]] lives near Los Angeles, and is finally on his driver's license - after his ''fifth'' road test, and with the maximum number of allowable errors to boot. The kicker? The examiner deemed my driving "too timid", as did the two or three examiners before him. That's right: in Southern California, you ''have'' to Drive Like Crazy to qualify for a license (and the stories his friends could tell about his freeway driving confirms it). * My uncle. Who drove fast response cars for the Fire Service for 20 years and now drives a Land Rover Discovery ''the same way''. He has not yet toppled the car. It's a matter of time. My sister, by contrast, sticks meticulously to the rules of the road but her adherence to directions leaves much to be desired. She once, upon being told to turn left, steered right, up the pedestrianized Grafton street, to screams of '''Left!'' Left! Jesus Christ, LEFT!', apparently having not noticed the signs, bollards and ''60 foot Christmas tree''. This is not the worst thing she's done. * God damn fucking CHINA. And this applies to EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. MIND FUCKING BUSES INCLUDED. On another note, this troper's friend's dad can drive a car with his knees and he doesn't really pay attention to the road. And goes fast. ''Really fucking fast.'' ** Ah China. The only country where this troper's uncle refused pointblank to drive, despite driving quite happily in Italy, Saudi Arabia, Israel, South Africa and Pakistan, all known for their batshit drivers. * This troper refers to his wife as "Maria Andretti". I'm no better, usually doing anywhere from ten to fifteen miles over the posted speed limit and driving with just three fingers on the wheel (the other is tapping time to the music on the radio). Of course living in North Carolina, which has some of the worse drivers I've ever seen makes us seem sane. These are people who ''will not'' use their turn signals when changing lanes to get ''right in front of you with just inches to spare!'', but ''will'' use their turn signals when in a turn only lane. Drives me apeshit crazy, and causes me to drop F Bombs whenever

I drive. ** This troper has also experienced the turn signal madness of NC drivers ... * [[{{Animenutcase}} This Troper]] is prone to saying "[[SarcasmMode Nice turn signal]]" when she sees someone not use their turn signal. Which usually happens at least once a day. Minor compared to the other Troper Tales, but I'd like to think it's notable. ** This troper does that as well. Especially with regards to changing lanes on the interstate. * There are two reasons why incoming freshmen are not supposed to bring their cars with them when they move into the university where [[SweetMadness This Trope]] is currently attending. The first one (that the university actually tells the freshmen) is that there's not enough parking in the city to accommodate all the cars. The second one is that everyone up here ''drives like a goddammed maniac.'' Seriously, we somehow attract all the worst drivers of the eastern seaboard like honey draws flies. Flies that do 60 mph through a pedestrian crossing zone and wreck their suspension by going that fast over speed bumps, that is. * When this tropers dad drives her to school I find myself desperately trying just to stop him from crashing the car...again, about a week a go he drove over the yellow bumps in the middle of the road and he plays punch buggy when hes turning corners. * This troper's dad is a pretty decent driver, in the sense that he's a natural at driving. Then once, on a business trip to Germany, he got his hands on a muscle car, and he realized the Autobahn had a lower speed limit. Closer to home, this troper feels that the [[http://www.sentosa.com.sg/explore_sentosa/attractions/sentosa_luge.h tml luge]] is rather puny. Then he crashed head-on into one of the foam barriers. One for the marshals gamely offered to race this troper. Guess who won, keeping in mind that the guy who's racing this troper is meant to be the first-aid guy, and driving quickly without injuring anybody is part of his job description. * One of BTIsaac's dad's politician colleagues has recently acquired a drivers' license. He treats the road like he treats politics. * This troper definitely fits under this for just how freakin' crazy he drives whenever he is behind the wheel especially considering where he lives. It needs to be said that the state of Mississippi has some of the most cautious drivers in the world except for one small part of the state. That part is Calhoun County and most definitely the small town of Bruce. Just to describe how bad it was: well, let's just say that he visited LA one time in the past and thought that the people there were actually too cautious. (And for all those who have been to or lived in LA, you all know just how crazy those drivers are.) There's actually a 'side' road called Devil's Pass that leads into Bruce. The posted speed limit is 25 mainly because of the twists and turns that keep you from seeing any vehicles ahead of unless they're within about 15 ft. (complicating the twists and turns is that the entire area is heavily forested and you literally can't see much of anything around you because of that)or less and because the road itself is so old and damaged to the point that driving any faster without being prepared beforehand will probably tear your car up from

the potholes among other things. Let's just say that the average speed that any resident of the county is going to take that road at is a minimum of 45 or 50 or higher. And to add to that, you're not even considered a member of the community unless somebody witnesses you driving down that road at least at 75 mph at least once. This troper ended up doing it at 80, though he ended up having to actually detour off the road and into the trees because of two cars coming around a turn in front of him (the two cars were street racing and were right beside each other, taking up the entirety of the damn road) and ended up having to dodge trees while still keeping up his speed before he finally reemerged back on the street. Street races are usually held on it just about every day at all times throughout the day so even if you were to drive through there, actually following the speed limit, your chances of surviving that road probably wouldn't be any better than if you were driving just as fast as everybody else. Because of the people that used to die on it, they actually erected a church and cemetery about halfway down the entire road so that they could stop having to carry the bodies originally so far away, or at least that was the original excuse. Surprisingly the road still isn't shut down and most people actually prefer driving down that road instead of the safer main highway into town, including this troper. * Someone passed this American troper on the left with a quarter of a lane while screaming and waving with not all her fingers. This troper still doesn't know how she did it... * In a game of Mercaniaries, my incredible driving landed a motorboat ON TOP OF A HELICOPTER. Most epic thing ever. * This troper's (Filipina) mother flies down the highway at 90 mph while slaloming around semi-trucks. * This troper, even though she's only 12. I got behind the wheel once (with the person's [[WhatAnIdiot permission]]. I almost hit a bus. * This troper's friend's parents have wrecked three cars like this. Interestingly enough, this troper's parents are an inversion - they drive ridiculously slowly. * A minicab driver this troper once met drove even worse than ''other'' British minicab drivers, which says a lot. He kept entering "no entry" zones, he didn't know how to read an A-Z (I had to do it for him) and ''he ignored the GPS directions despite not knowing where he was supposed to be going''. * [[{choir} I]] was in a car with her brother when the car a few feet in front of us slammed on their brakes at 75 mph. I thought my brother was going to explode with rage. * After reading some of these insane examples, this troper feels like an overly MILD case of Crazy Driver. Although, to be granted, has only been driving about 2 years. In fact, remembers once driving behind an elderly woman who was moving/turning a corner PAINFULLY slow, so he decided to speed up and pass her AS she was turning by going into the oncoming lane (Which he could see was empty) No stop sign. So...he thinks it was legal. Even if he did get the finger. ** Also, Stop signs are Yield signs, Speed bumps are a sign to SPEED UP, and is not afraid to drive backwards when need be. Offroading is literally like driving heaven, no speed limits, no holds bargain drive.

* This troper has three examples. 1) Highway 404 in Canada near Toronto. It is terrifying! Its apparently one of the busiest highways in North America, somehow, and has a massive number of accidents. (Might be the 401, I can never keep them straight. ** 2) MALTA. I ended up taking a bus from Valleta, the capital, to Mdina (not a typo) in the middle of the island. I was standing up, and I swear that the bus was skidding around the corners, corners with massive pot holes. *** 3) Egypt. The bus (a massive tour bus) was weaving in and out of traffic with no regard for safety, and the tour guide told us that apparently looking in ones review mirror could be deadly as no one pays any attention to speed limits or common decency (in driving at least). * A few people fear this troper's on the wheel without seeing him driving (he tries to defend himself by saying "I just do curves and speed bumps on the third!"... but he's had at least one bad day at the wheel: while carrying 6 people in a car, he nearly crashed at least 3 times. 2 consecutively!). But a classmate of his is well-known in college for dangerous driving. He loves to "throw" the car on the other lane - if that doesn't seem bad enough, imagine you're in the backseat, without a belt, along with as many people as possible (as the troper was once). Drunk, he's even worse, even managing to, while going back from a party, climb the sidewalk and enter a square! * This troper normally drives carefully, but often turns at higher speed to save a few cents on gas by not having to accelerate again. * One of this troper friends doesn't drives like crazy, but the reason of never want to get on his car again is because of his tendency to fasten the seatbells ''in the middle of a curve... Always'' * I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I do have a few stories to tell: ** My first real big eff-up was a time when I was texting my (now ex)girlfriend while driving. I peek up and see a car in front of me about to make a left turn, stopped while I'm going 40. I didn't hit it, but I did come close. I've been more careful about texting while driving ever since, finally stopping (mostly) when Washington passed the law against texting and talking behind the wheel. ** The next time was during winter. I live at the bottom of a 10% grade hill, and there had just been a pretty deep snowfall (for western Washington, at least). So I'd spent about an hour helping cars get unstuck and telling them to turn around (one driver was notably driving a honda civic with tire chains--on the *wrong axle*). I was hungry, so I called up my workplace and ordered a pizza delivered, only to hear that the manager had cancelled all deliveries due to the weather. Red flag right there, but I just said "It's okay, I'll drive there myself." I set out and was doing fine... until I reached a gentle S-curve in the road. I promptly lost control of the car, swerved into the wrong side of the road, barely dodged an oncoming car, fishtailed, and drove up onto the curb. At that point, I pretty much said "Fuck this" and went home (thankfully; I prolly wouldn't have made it to the restaurant anyway, considering that I would've had to go up a hill *similar to the one I lived at the base of.* ** In early 2009 I moved from Renton (where the previous tale happened) to Poulsbo, but couldn't find work in my new town at first

so I commuted an hour and a half to my old job. One day I was REALLY late (along the lines of "I haven't left and I start in half an hour" late) and I was panicking, so I was doing at least 80 in a 60 zone and passing pretty much everybody I could. One of which was a cop. Queue lame excuse of "I was following the flow of traffic!" (bullcrap) and nervous breakdown. I think the cop took pity on me and lowered the ticket to doing 70 in a 60 zone. *** Irritatingly, since then I've become almost paranoid about speeding and driving recklessly, and yet my boyfriend still treats me like I Drive Like Crazy... for going up on curbs slightly. * Once, this troper was late, with 30 minutes and still 120km ahead. So he proceded to discover that his old Audi 220km/h speedometer was a little short, and arrived on time. * A friend of [[{{Tropers/Seraph}} this troper]] refuses to slow down for such trivialities as speed bumps. This troper is large enough to fill any car up to the roof. [[SarcasmMode Gee, I wonder where I got this headache from...]] * The good thing about this troper's father is that he can drive you anywhere, and you won't be late. The bad thing about this troper's father is that while he's driving you somewhere, he will gleefully ignore the speed limit, try to race everyone else on the road, and when he wants to talk to you, ''he will look you in the face.'' Even if you're sitting in the back seat. Everyone in the family is grateful that this troper managed to break her dad's habit of texting on the road. ** There was also that incident from back when he still had that habit. Dad was taking me to school. His phone goes off, he got a text from his boss. Dad says, "[Troper], I need to reply to this. Steer for a bit, okay?" So now we've got a short eleven-year-old reaching over to the driver's side to steer a Crosswind and trying not to crash or run over anything, while the driver is paying no attention to the road and is pressing on the accelerator rather more forcefully than necessary. I've always avoided the passenger seat after that. * Ever have this problem where there's people that's driving like moronic retards? That's pretty what my life is. Almost every day do I witness my mom (a competent driver, with her fair share of mistakes) get pissed off by people of both genders, driving like crazy (either on their phones, driving slowly or too fast, you name it, Nova Scotia's got it). * The entire country of Greece. Traffic laws are merely a suggestion, speed limits are ridiculous and the roads are barely fit for oxpowered vehicles. My dad is actually a good and cautious driver, but he will occasionally shake the car, or do a handbrake turn, just to scare my mum and delight me (and him of course). * My father is from Guayaquil, Ecuador. He has rather poor judgement (this is a man who got hit by a bus because he was playing in the street when he was EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD). Add this to learning to drive in a country where traffic guidelines are "if you've crashed your car, put some sticks on the road so everyone will know" and "Speed limits? Traffic signs? Seatbelts? Reccomended occupancy? What are those?" You end up with speeding (especially in school zones) and really bad ideas (racing across lanes to get to the right toolbooth). There's a reason

my mom is forever hanging onto the door handle when she's riding shotgun. At least he wears a seatbelt! ** Unfortunately, he seems to have passed his driving skills onto me. When I got my permit, I was attempting to park and wound up flipping my mother's minivan. Don't worry, everyone survived, there were no injuries, and the insurance covered the damages (which were over $9000). * This Troper's late dad was a demolition derby driver and ''set a 20year record'' by flipping his car 19 times in the ring. On the freeway, he tended to miss the memo he wasn't driving derby. I inherited his paperwork, which included a copious amount of speeding and traffic tickets, including driving ''drunk and stoned'' at roughly 80 miles an hour (in a 30 MPH zone)! Surprisingly, he died of heart failure, not of a traffic accident or Darwin Award winning stunt in his garage. * This troper's father is a good driver, but he likes to go fast and when he gets very angry, he sometimes swerves dangerously or deliberately brakes to piss off whoever's pissed him off. Also, he goes fast on gravel roads. To be fair, he does have a lot of driving off-road experience. However, his driving is the reason this troper doesn't want to learn to drive. (OK, being in two car crashes (no, he wasn't responsible for either of them) has quite a lot to do with it, especially as this troper is now very aware of how often the car/bus she's in comes ''that'' close to crashing.) * This troper's granny can be TERRIFYING at the steering wheel. And she's usually a very kind, very careful old lady. * This troper's father likes to treat those [[{{Buffy Speak}} police speed radar things]] as opportunities to see how fast he can get them to register. He tends to get a lot of speeding tickets. This troper himself isn't quite as bad, though there was that time he accidentally ''accelerated'' into a turn and almost hit a motorcycle cop. * This troper found people used a quite trip round the hills was the prefered way this troper's friends sobered up. Something to do with adrenaline. Might have something to do with the trip with 3 passengers in a rear engined car, when this troper got the vehicle up on 2 wheels, the front two. Still, this troper one the race ... * This troper' father is a generally decent driver, but he does not seem to understand the concept of speed limits, other than as 'records to be broken'. Needless to say, this troper dreads getting into the car with him. * I once encountered a ''taxi'' driver like this, though thankfully it was a milder example. The [[http://www.pinkjeep.com/ pink jeep tour]] I took in Sedona was a subversion, as while it certainly ''felt'' like the driver was being reckless, they were of course trained, and the scare factor was intentional. Notably averted the one time I was driven by someone younger than myself (I'm 19). * My wife has told me about her grandmother, who once went past the exit she meant to get off on, stopped the car on the highway, and drove in reverse, back to the exit. * This troper has seen plenty of people driving with dogs in their lap, which is bad enough. But then I saw someone ''WITH A FULL GROWN GOLDEN RETRIEVER IN HIS LAP, STICKING ITS HEAD OUT OF THE WINDOW!''

* This Bostonian troper's (during a driving lesson from her mother) was told to pass the car waiting to turn left. When questioned on the legality of the maneuver mother said "I didn't tell you to do it on your driver's test, I told you to do it ''now''" * In this troper's country EVERY. SINGLE. public transport driver knows how to do this. A curious thing about it is ''they pull it off'' without mayor damage ''most'' of the time. * This she-troper finds herself yelling at her father to actually put his hands on the wheel when he drives, and to pick one side of the road and ''stay on it.'' It's scary when he gives me a ride to school, because campus is surrounded by fairly steep cliffs on three sides. * This troper remembers waiting at a light, and watching some ignorant sunovabitch ''drive on the sidewalk'' because he wanted to pass the people waiting. * The M25 motorway near London, England is possibly the busiest road in the country. This troper has seen someone dive across four incredibly busy lanes of traffic, doing about 80mph, within about 200yds to get to his exit. She also keeps seeing cyclists on the road when there's a perfectly good cycle path about a metre away, separated only by a small patch of grass. What the hell, cyclists? * To say that Michigan drivers are crazy drivers is an understatement. We have cell phone laws all over the state FOR A REASON. There are people doing one of several things: A)eating while driving. B)Going at least 10MPH over the speed limit C)This is for the dog lovers, giving their dogs free space to roam all over the care including in front of them on the steering wheel D)Talking on the stupid cell phone while driving. But one that tops off everything else is one guy who was driving WHILE READING A FULL SIZED ROAD MAP WHICH STRETCHED ALL THE WAY FROM ONE CAR DOOR TO THE OTHER WHILE COMPLETELY BLOCKING THE WINDSHIELD!! * This would be me. On any given roadway, [[ICallItVera Lorelai]] is airbourne more than not, I'm constantly flipping people off, beeping the horn, and treating others on the highway as enemy combatants rather than fellow drivers. Not to mention that I have Road Rage Tourette's whenever someone pisses me off. Like so: "Oh, so I was walking into the kitch- ''I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU AND END YOU''-en to make myself a sandwich yesterday..." ...It's a wonder that my friends still get into my car. * Anyone in [[@/{{Seiryu}} my]] family under the age of 25. I admit, including myself. ** My little sister has been known to pull a 90 degree turn at 65 miles an hour (directly violating physics in the process). * I've lived in Florida all my life (twenty-one years), and having driven through every damn part of it for one reason or another, I can say this: the worst drivers are ALWAYS in the more Southern parts of Florida. This is hilarious, because it's well-known that the further South you go in Florida, the more northerners there are. In Florida, only one in every four people are actually born in the state; the remainder of the population is from the rest of America, or immigrants. There are even fewer natives towards the southern tip. So when people from out of state complain about the bad drivers in Florida, they're much more likely to be talking about bad drivers from

some other state. ** I do have something else to add, though. When on vacation in Maryland, I was absolutely shocked. I had never seen such reckless drivers in my life. Road laws seem more like friendly suggestions. I was there for a week, in Baltimore and some surrounding areas, and I must have seen dozens of people just drive right through red lights. Not attempt to drive through a yellow, or anything. They just got tired of waiting for it to change and drove through the intersections, through oncoming traffic! I'm never going back there again. * I don't drive nearly as fast as most of my friends, I just take turns particularly tight, coasting into them rather than breaking. I failed a road test for my license for it once, and though I know how inappropriate it is to grin when told "you're dangerous", I just can't help myself. ---Go back to Main/DrivesLikeCrazy. Wait, not so fast! Not so fast! Where are you going?! Aaaaaaaah! Tree! LOOKOUTLOOKOUT! AAAAAAH! YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE! CRAP! CRAPCRAPCRAP! TRUUUUUUCK! I AM NEVER GETTING IN A CAR WITH YOU AGAAAAAIN! ----

DrivingStick * [[{{Nlpnt}} This troper]] has been driving since 1990 and has ''never'' owned an automatic car, or, until this January, a new one. The test drive of a Toyota Yaris went quite well; the clutch of the 13-mile car was a little sharper than his 169,000 mile existing whip, but that's to be expected, the others were too, and I settled on it. While the paperwork was going through, I read on an Internet forum that the Yaris is supremely easy to stall when brand-new, smiled to myself and thought, "''I'' didn't stall it". I stalled it twice in one mile on the way home from the dealership and dozens of times over the next 1000 miles until the clutch was broken in. No tach, my first drive-by-wire throttle and a much quieter engine than I was used to were also contributing factors. No regrets, though...once it's broken in, it's a nice piece of machinery. But man, that first thousand miles... ** My parents, who are going through their third Yaris (change car every two years deal) could probably throw a few pointers. * This Troper prefers putting a performance Intake to hear the sound of the engine for just this reason. This Troper also has a car with a Carbon Kevlar clutch that bites with greater sensitivity and ferocity than a stock clutch. * This Troper heard a story about a friends father who, having recently received his driver's license, was given his father's sparkling new Mercedes, with automatic transmission. Having learned driving on a manual car, at autobahn speed he went through the motions of depressing the clutch and shifting into a higher gear. What actually happened was that he pressed the brake and shifted into reverse. Hilarity ensued. * [[JethroQWalrustitty This Troper]] was taught to drive stick, but first day I got the licence, my mom had me drive a long way to a

factory via motorway, and had me pass cars and all other stuff you don't really learn at drivers ed. Her screaming at bad transitions and freezing at traffic lights left a trauma, and This Troper prefers driving automatic when possible. * My truck is a manual transmission model. When driving an automatic vehicle, I tend to grab for the shifter when stopping, only to find it not there. Reverse that, after months of using an automatic a few years ago, I had to switch. I would grab the windshield wiper control to put the manual car in "park". ** Everything about switching to automatic is true for This Troper as well. Also, I find my left foot twitches around looking for the clutch a lot. * The boss of one of [[DerDomino ThisTroper]]'s friends was in the US for some months. After he returned, he went to the company's garage, started the car...and just nearly slammed it into the wall in front. On the next day, his reaction wasn't that good unfortunately. Result: 1 totally crashed car, which my friend just washed two hours before. ** Four words: Clutch Pedal Interlock Switch. *** Four more words: Engage Brain Before Ignition! *** On a less smartass note, stalling a manual transmission car because you forgot to step on the clutch at a stoplight is a more common and less destructive result of the same sort of "brain fade". * ThisTroper's mother purposely buys cars with manual transmission because they're easier to drive in the snow (and because ThisTroper's mother is a sadist and can't wait to teach ThisTroper stick). * [[ErikS ThisTroper]] is European, and had to drive an automatic once due to work. It was exactly this trope yet reversed - it would probably have been funny as hell to watch, but just hell to be there. * [[TsundeRay This troper]] would like to one day learn how to drive manual. For now, he'll have to settle with [[SelfImposedChallenge picking manual in every racing game he plays]]. * This troper has been driving stick ever since he was four years old. Cue driver's ed with an automatic. The car doesn't automatically shift until 3K rpm. Frustration ensues. * This troper has driven both a manual Eclipse and a semi-truck. The semi-truck is far eaiser, which may or may not be due to the fact that you don't have the balance the clutch and throttle, they just idle forward like an automatic. * [[{{Dammerung}} ThisTroper]] has an old Mustang GT V8 with a 5-speed stick. Which doesn't do you much good in California city traffic. clutch-stick-clutch-gas-clutch-brake-clutch-hold-hold-stick-gasclutch-BRAKE! ** And any time I have to drive an automatic, I have to keep my left foot ''firmly'' planted to the floor to keep from pounding the gas and brake simultaneously and go fishtailing across the highway. * My mother drove stick for years and years. Her new car is an automatic. When we ended up taking my stickshift for a long trip, it turned out she had ''forgotten'' how to drive stick (or nearly). I thought I was going to die (but then I often get that feeling when she's driving). * I learned how to drive on a stick shift (I learned on a 1987 Yugo and a 1968 VW Beetle. Go ahead and laugh) and the first time I drove

an automatic I was ''constantly'' reaching for a clutch pedal. [[TheAllegedCar My first car]] had the "Y" pattern, with reverse beside first, and fifth beside third; the bushing was worn down so that I could rarely tell if I was in the right gear. More than once I took off from a stop sign in second just to keep from stalling. * Mom drove a stick all the time my brother and I were growing up. Among that car's little quirks was that the gearshift knob kept twisting around so the diagram was upside down. Mom never paid any attention to it, because she knew the shift pattern. But then there was the day she took it to the shop, and the teenager working in front was going to pull it into the bay. After about five minutes of "car just sitting there", long enough that she was worried something major had gone wrong, cue one humiliated teenage boy having to walk up to a middle-aged woman driver and ask if she would mind pulling the car in for him. Seems he was trying to shift according to that upside-down diagram. * This troper has had the rare privilege of driving a 1967 MCI-9 coach bus: Imagine shifting a unsynchronized manual transmission through a ''40 foot'' linkage with an air-actuated clutch and throttle. Even someone with nearly a million miles of driving experience had difficulty downshifting without a little gear grinding. * One of my friends owns a stick-shift ''motorcycle''. The guy's getting pretty old, and all of his kids and grandkids have specifically stated they DON'T want it. He's bequeathing it to a museum. ** They weren't called "suicide shifters" for nothing, though to be honest they rarely killed you. They tore your balls off, instead. * I drive an automatic, but can drive stick just fine (my brother drives the stick shift car). * Almost everyone I know can drive and my whole family prefers it, stop and go traffic or no. Why does no one want stick shift cars anymore? I drive an automatic because it was a steal, but in future considerations will want nothing to do with any automatics--even flappy paddles or "manumatics." ** Good luck even finding one. This Troper once spent a whole day searching 7 dealerships selling 11 brands and found exactly three cars with manual transmissions, one of which was a Dodge Viper. Which I might have bought if it only had room for a baby seat. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] always uses a manual transmission in arcade racing games, just because it feels cooler. In real life, though, he drives an automatic. * [[{{MiraShio}} Mira-chan]] does the same thing as the above troper when the option is available. But she's not for automatic transmission in real life; her mother prefers the opposite. * This Troper has noticed that many people try to engage reverse in a car with no reverse gear synchronizer, and instead of going into a synchronized forward gear first they spend 5 minutes trying to grind it into Reverse. If you can't find it, try another gear first! * As a temp worker in high school, this Troper was hired one summer to help out a couple who had just bought a country house and were cleaning it up. I and another guy were asked to drive a truckload of trash to the dump in a manual shift pickup. I got to be the one

driving since I'd spent an hour in a parking lot with a stick once. Needless to say I burnt out the clutch in the middle of nowhere, ending up stuck in a valley unable to drive out in forward or reverse. * This Troper has not had the burning up a clutch problem, but rather the "rough upshift" problem, favoring a quick release to a smooth delivery. I can only imagine what the drive axles and the crankcase bearings are thinking by now... * For added fun, not all manuals are created equal. [[SabreJustice This troper]] has driven a Mitsubishi Express ute (pickup) and took a while to figure out that to get into reverse, you have to push the gear stick ''in''. ** My Dad's 1968 VW Beetle was the same way: Down, Left, Forward. ** Some vehicles have a lockout ring; Ford Focuses for instance. ** Oh, and speaking of farm vehicles, I remember driving a tractor which has ''three'' gear sticks. And that's not getting into other heavy vehicles and equipment. The UniversalDriversLicense is a requirement on a farm. * [[Barcode711 This lefty troper]] has no problem driving stick. The movement is not something you need to learn how to do well; it's the pedal-work that's (only slightly) challenging. ** Heck, this other lefty had more trouble driving an automatic than driving stick! Not using her left foot felt (and still feels) very wrong. * this right handed troper drives in Australia, where the cars are right hand drive, so she is used to using her left foot and left hand - took a while to get used to, since I only use my left hand for things like knitting, typing and now driving. I don't even use it for eating! * This left handed troper from the UK had an epic fail whilst driving a right hand drive bus with a right hand selector stick (semiautomatic with a small selector stick and no clutch) yet can drive an unsynchronised manual with a left hand stick. Possibly it would take more getting used to. * This Eurpoean Troper both subverted this and played this straight : after years of stick driving, he bought an automatic Mercedes. In the early days, I used to hit the car in front of me at any stop, because I couldn't remember that I had to keep my foot on the brake. Fast forward, two years later, I had to drive a rented car, which was a manual. I almost smashed the gearbox trying to shift to Reverse without using the clutch... * This troper started driving with a manual stick from the start (25 years ago), and never drove an automatic until a few years ago, and somehow found it awkward, with his left leg slamming the brakes trying to find the clutch pedal! (though [[IGotBetter he got better]] after some practice). ** His female cousin took advantage of this trope to stop her friends from habitually borrowing her car - she knows manual, her friends don't. * Even though I learned on a stick, after years of driving only automatics if anything at all, I had to relearn all over again, painfully and embarrassingly. Manual transmission in serious need of a FinaglesLaw overhaul; it's way too easy for someone to screw it up

while trying to get the hang of it. ---Give it just a ''little'' bit of gas, let the clutch out s-l-o-w-l-y so you can ''feel'' for the bite point, and go back to Main/DrivingStick. ----

DropInCharacter * This troper had a friend several years back, and whenever I came over to his parents' house on a weekly basis, I would knock, only to be repeatedly told to just come on in, by him and his parents. It took several months to work over the habit. ** This troper does that. * This troper had a friend who was in the habit of marching in through the back door with a cry of "Honey, I'm home!" before raiding the fridge for soda and turning on the television. No joke. * This troper's best friend used to simply walk into his house with a cry of "Friendly neighborhood burgler!" on a almost daily basis for 6 years. * Growing up, there was a little girl (much younger than any kids in our house) who lived on this troper's street who would saunter on down to our house to play so often, whoever spotted her would say, "[Her name] Alert!" This troper once hid in an empty toy box in the spare room until our parents sent her off. It wasn't just us, either; she walked right into our neighbor's house without knocking or anything ''the day we were rehearsing for her wedding''. (But, her family was... dysfunctional, so we have to look back on the memories with more pity than annoyance.) * When this Troper was little, he once wandered into the backyard of a house across the street, and found dozens of toys just lying around. Although he would often go back there for a couple of years to play with them, he never met the kids they were for (grandkids, maybe?). * [[ManCalledTrue This troper]] has to deal with his own ''family'' being drop-in characters on his life, mainly due to him being a {{Hikikomori}} and thus usually in his room. * [[FurikoMaru This troper]]. In every group of friends she had in high school. At one point one of these groups actually dubbed her "the Guest Star." * When [[{{Atagamay}} this troper]] was a lab assistant, the anatomy professor was like this. Before lab started, he'd just wander in unannounced to chat with us. * This troper's 11th grade history class was like this. Some of the other teachers had no classes during that period, and would wander over at the start of the period to chat with our teacher and amuse the kids. Troper recalls one incident in particular when the fourth teacher showed up twenty minutes into the class, and the students gave up and put their books away because it was obvious there would be no actual teaching done in the remaining twenty minutes. ** Did you go to this troper's high school? One of the teachers was

mysteriously capable of teaching about a dozen different subjects, serving as the local IB Coordinator, and ''still'' finding time to wander around campus to show up unannounced in other classes, especially in the history department to comment on his colleagues' lectures. ** This troper had a similar situation in middle school. The 7th grade science teacher and the 8th grade history teacher were best friends, and whenever one of them had a class and the other didn't they would drop in and hang out. * The boy down the street from [[ManJusticeLeague this troper]]'s new house a few years back convinced himself (and apparently all of the adults in the neighborhood) very quickly that he was this troper's younger brother's (roughly the same age) best friend, and would drop in unannounced practically every goddamned day. The kicker? He was batshit insane (actually stuck his hand in a blender while it was running to see if it would stop and lost part of a finger, skateboarded out of his driveway downhill to the bus stop ''right in front of the bus'') and ''nobody liked him''. Not this troper's brother, not this troper, not his own sister (admittedly a lot more justified). We only ever put up with him because our parents were convinced it was totally okay for him to just walk over to our house and hang out until his parents called him home for dinner and when it was part of a larger neighborhood kid event like a game of Capture the Flag. * This troper, when her best friend lived about a block away, used to just walk in and say "I'm home!" Usually after school, or whenever over the summer. She was also in the habit of calling her best friends mom 'mom 2' back then. Now this tropers friend lives farther away and her mother has to drive her over. Now her mom yells at her if she just opens the door without knocking. * This troper is actually called "our Kramer" by his best friend's family, due to his tendency to come in through the back door unannounced and steal their food. He also laughs at people who knock/ring the doorbell at the front door. Losers. * One of this troper's high school physics teacher constantly drops in to the class of her current physics teacher to exchange quips, make animated snarky comments, and join in the physics discussions. This troper believes that physics teachers are the coolest people ever. * "Get out of my house, Pickles," was a stock phrase of sorts for this Tropette's childhood. Yes, my neighbor was called "Pickles," once identified in the newspaper as such. * One Saturday morning, I slept in. When I finally got out of bed and headed downstairs, I found my two next-door neighbors chatting with my dad while waiting for me to wake up. * When I was in third grade, a neighbour kid liked to come visit me at my house to play more or less every day, and I fucking hated him. Every day I would find an excuse to make him go home, and he would more often than not stay anyway. * I actually became this character myself when dating my first boyfriend, who lived with his parents for a little while. Staying with him for a night would stretch to a week or two. His folks didn't mind since they were generally easy going, I didn't eat much, and I'd

occasionally help around the house. Sadly, my parents never met his, even though both couples were extremely curious about the other. * When she was a sophomore, [[{{MiraShio}} Mira-chan]]'s former-Mathteacher-turned-Music-and-Gym-teacher (he's not stupid, just multitalented) would hang out in class to snarkily remind us that he'd already taught us a particular lesson when we were in a bind. Whenever our current Math teacher happened to not be around, he'd actually help a student or two, sometimes by giving them the answer. ** Mira-chan herself is a subversion of this trope. She doesn't drop by classrooms or houses unannounced, but she gives herself a seat among the other kids at school when she has no other place to sit. -->'''Mira-chan''': Can I rudely sneak a seat here? *sits down* Sure I can. -->'''Schoolmates''': *blink; continue minding their own business* * When arriving at my friend's house, I usually ring the doorbell, then wait approximately one nanosecond before letting myself in, leaving her no time to make it to the front door. Subverted in that she usually already knows I'm coming over. * this troper has just agreed to try this out whit his friends when they eventually get the chance. they story? the three of us all just found out we want to go into the same profession... 4 years if high school together and we never knew, so we decided when we get out of college we'll try going for the same department and try dropping in on the others as much as possible. we want to be cops. ---Go back to DropInCharacter. The door's open. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DroppedABridgeOnHim * Me and my RPG group were playing Dungeons and Dragons, and we were supposed to investigate some mysterious dissapierances that were going on in a caravan. As the bard, it was my job to get on the good side of our most likely suspect, a jerkass half-elf wizard lady. After a few lucky diplomacy rolls, she ended up developing feelings for me, so I decided to pursue her as a romantic option, and then take her as a cohort once I take the "Leadership" feat. Several ZanySchemes later, we ended up proving that she was completely innocent... but the GM made her comitt suicide the next morning. * This was once used as punishment against someone (in real life, sort of; trust me, ItMakesSenseInContext) for ArsonMurderAndJaywalking. Head on over to [[TroperTales/TheReasonYouSuckSpeech the Troper Tales page for The Reason You Suck Speech]], look for SmallNameBigEgo, and read the last two sentences. * This troper's[[FriendlyEnemy frienemy]] in her [[RagTagGangofMisfits group of nerdy friends]]used to write RealPersonFic about all of us and the adventures we would have in a sci-fi alternate universe. Our [[DudeNotFunny least favorite teacher was killed off in fanfic]] (after being revealed to be TheDragon to the BigBad) and if she was pissed off at you, she would randomly kill off your character, and you

had to watch for the eventual reboot to get back in her story. I avoided this by requesting early on that my character die horribly at the end. Interestingly, nobody seemed to care that she killed us off, or wrote herself as a major MarySue, because we were all horrific at [[CrackPairing her]] [[ShippingIsSeriousBusiness shipping]] [[StrangledByTheRedString us]] [[FanPreferredCouple with]] [[BrainBleach eachother.]]

DroppedABridgetOnHim * In his late teens, this troper has very thin and has long hair. This troper has to drop a Bridget on a teacher of his faculty (The dean of sexology, no less) dropped a few Bridgets in many parties... and dropped a Bridget on his very own mother!!! Nowadays this troper keeps his long hair, but also tends to have a LONG beard and BadassLongcoat. Just in case. ** Recently, in a party my boss told me to take the beard off, for the sake of corporate image. The next day, I had to drop a bridget on that very one boss. Who incidentaly is a WOMAN. * [[Poisonarrow I have had this happen several times recently]], the sad thing is I don't even look feminine! And the guys get pissed at me for having the audacity to be male. * [[AnAnonymusCat This Troper]] is playing an [[PlayByPostGames RP]] with a friend where her character ([[GenderBlenderName Sasha]]) is female, but acts and dresses like a boy. Her friends character has just met Sasha and is yet to learn the truth. She (the Troper) is waiting eagerly for the friends character's reaction when the Bridget is dropped. * This troper is oddly built for a boy, wide hips, no visible Adam's apple,feminine face,slender legs, feet, arms and hands, it seemed I inherited most of my looks from my mother. So, it's of no surprise, but much amusement that many mistake me for a girl in public. My friend's grandmother thought I was his girlfriend, which was awkward. It didn't help that My ex-girlfriend liked long hair, so I grew mine out very long, and ended up liking long hair for YEARS, to even now. I don't even crossdress. Curse of us asians I guess...One particularly funny story was when I was ordering food at the foodcourt of the local mall. One old dirty man was ogling my...Hindquarters, muttering sounds of...Appreciation...I caught a barely audible "Nice ass..." from his muttering, I guess my butt stuck out when I was leaning forward on the counter. So, in response, I turned around, tried my best to sound "manly" with a resounding "Hey, what the hell, man?" The Dirty Old Man hobbled off as far as possible, the long way around, because of the narrow aisles, it was kinda sad though, watching him limp off on his cane. * This (female) troper's close friend looks about as androgynous as you can get, even without makeup. When this troper, her friend, and another girl were talking/fixing our hair in the hallway of a con, a group of males walked past and shouted something to the effect of "Lookin' good, ladies!" This troper's friend looked around, pulling one unfinished pigtail out of the other girls' hand, and said in dismay "...Ladies? Do I really look like a girl?" Of course, he knows

he looks like a girl, and he doesn't mind at all. But it's just so much more fun for him to pretend it hurts his feelings. (This troper also accidentally dropped a Bridget on her mother when she pointed at a photo of said friend and used masculine pronouns. She still doesn't understand why her mother was so appalled.) * Subverted and played straight. This (very feminine) lesbian troper was hitting on someone she thought was a butch lesbian, who turned out to be a transman. Opps. We ended up becoming very good friends, though, so it all worked out. * In middle school and part of high school there was this guy hat I always thought was a girl... even after he explained the fact. The [[WholesomeCrossdresser gag crossdressing]] he did constantly didn't help. (But, with [[HoYay this guy's]] [[CampGay brother]], I fear for their family's future.) * I wish the shoulders in [[http://tarenken.deviantart.com/art/SmokinBaby-88675286 this picture]] were shaped like a male so I could enjoy it. * This Troper had a character in a game of {{Rifts}} who got the hots for an effeminate Mystic. Said Mystic turned out to be a guy. * My barber (Or stylist as he calls himself). I kept thinking he was a girl. Then after I got out, I talk a bit about how the woman seemed odd to me. My friend says she thought that the barber was a woman at first also, but then she noticed 'her' Adam's apple. {{Squick}}. ** Woman can have Adam's apples. * This troper doesn't mind Bridget-dropping much in real life, but it keeps happening. Finding out it's a transguy or a transgirl doesn't bother me, or dissuade me for that matter, but it's a little jarring realising what you thought was a really cute butch lesbian was actually just a biological male who happened to have a husky voice and a slight build. (In fiction, this is probably one of my favorite tropes. One memorable, though not necessarily realistic example used, had Lucifer, being radiantly beautiful and perfectly sexless, actually going through the effort of looking a little more male to {{squick}} a particularly homophobic character he was addressing.) * This troper once heard the story of [[UrbanLegend a friend of a friend]] who made the rather stupid decision to walk home from a party alone in the middle of the night, dressed in drag. Walking through a park, he was grabbed from behind by some guy, who then looked at his face, went [[OhCrap "Oh shit!"]] and ran off. [[NearRapeExperience Apparently he (the guy in drag)]] [[RapeAsComedy found it hilarious...]] * [[XanderK This troper,]] upon finding out that Bugsy was male, promptly asked "Wait... that's a GUY?!?! * This (male) troper lives in a country where it is perfectly acceptable for men to live as women. Since those men put more effort into looking feminine than the actual females many of them actually look the part better. This troper has got into the habit of looking at the throat before going any lower, just to make sure. * A friend of [[TheRenaissanceRaver This Troper]] makes a ''lot'' of people double-take when they hear him. High-pitched voice, looks better with long hair (in my opinion), effeminate build, rather thin. She has overheard people in the halls talking about him, simply

because of one phrase along the lines of "I can't even tell if he's a guy or a girl!" * This troper did it so many times in middle school. So many times. Oh, and she's a girl by the way. * [[{{Tropers/Nitramy}} This troper]] regularly drops Bridgets on call center agents whenever he has to call up any service that requires call center service. To his knowledge, no one had ever addressed him as "sir" when he starts talking on the phone. Must be CrossdressingVoices at work. * [[{{Alexduckie}} This troper's]] father told her a story about Spirit Week at his high school. Apparently, it was Cross-Dressing Day. A "new girl" appeared at the school, a cute one. "She" was hit on by several guys all day, until "she" revealed to them that his sister helped him put on the makeup and bought him stuff so he could "play the part of the girl. Suckers." This troper laughed so hard... * This Troper enjoys casual crossdressing for the lolz, and has the legs to be believable, if not the face. Being checked out by a random guy at school only for him to freak out when his eyes get to my face? Funny. Being mistaken for being a girl by my own roommate? priceless. * During the class trip to Spain, [[ROFLopadous This Troper]] heard a story about how her entire male student body was so enamored with this one exotic dancer and kept going on about her. On the busride back, the Bridget was dropped so to say. While she wasn't there to see it, her friend who was told her that their reactions were [[HoYay actually a lot less squicky than she would've expected]]. Though the looks on their faces were supposedly priceless * In the uncomfortable transitional period between when I grew long hair and when I grew a beard, oftentimes when I was out walking about with my mom a member of the service industry would approach us from behind and ask "Can I help you, ladies?" However, this was not before my voice dropped into the baritone range, so I replied "ladies?!" in the huskiest tone I could muster. The looks never stopped being entertaining. * This troper looks clearly female in real life due to her long hair. However, online, nearly everyone she meets believes she's a guy until told otherwise. On a few occasions, an online friend has forgotten she's a girl and had the Bridget dropped on them a second time. This is probably because she met most of her online friends on GaiaOnline, and while her avatar is female, it wears masculine clothes and has short hair. * This troper's father always likes to tell a story of his ex-boss: he and his then-wife were on vacation, watching ''The Crying Game''. She went to the bathroom, he was almost sleeping while watching... then came that famous scene. He promptly woke up and screamed, causing the wife to come and hear him shout "she had a huge cock!". * This troper has been mistaken for a girl countless times. One of the most memorable times was the first time he went to a cram school. having arrived early, while he was waiting for the teacher to show up, a girl randomly kicks up a conversation with him about their respective plans for the future. This troper proceeds to jokingly tell her that since he was rather lazy and disliked the idea of working, he considered marrying a rich heiress. To which she replies: "you're

lesbian!?" * One day, out of the blue, I got a text message from a person claiming to be a college friend of my sister. I was leery at first, until my sister confirmed it, and the person (named "Amber") actually called me. The girl had this sultry, flirty, extremely feminine voice, and I'd been rather unlucky at love for a while at that point, so I thought it would be fun to flirt with her a bit. (You can see where this is going.) Well, "she" was actually a "he"--with a really, ''really'' high pitched voice. Turns out he was a gay guy who wanted someone to flirt with, and my ditzy sister thought it'd be hilarious to play a cruel joke on her trusting brother, so this guy went along with it (and played the part of flirty girl eerily well). A couple of days later, my mother found out about my sister's prank, and told me the truth. [[{{Understatement}} I was not amused]]. * [[Tropers/{{Edmania}} I]] was friends with a cosplayer in the short time I was visiting Japan. As an asexual, I didn't really care about the person's gender or anything; but I found it rather amusing when I noticed a...[[IfYouKnowWhatIMean bump]] when "she" hugged me. The thing is that I look as nearly as feminine as this cosplayer himself; so we were both suprised.. Plus, the cosplayer wasn't a transsexual or homosexual (Yeah, feminine males can be straight. Personally I don't really know why a feminine male person is automatically stereotyped as gay either.) yet at the same time found me rather beautiful as well. Everyone around us was staring at us with "What the hell?!" expressions on their faces. [[http://public.bay.livefilestore.com/y1pzlL8qQjasgghP3KjjK_CvrtNMZHOx IIWy9rm4QKN0kXSLxK8w23lA-Pr-jzopwfeNHEuRaAw36-csKL-bySltw/1.jpg Heres a picture of him.]] ** [[BiTheWay He's cute.]] ** So basically two guys thought the other was a girl and then you both hugged; making it two guys who look like two girls hugging? * This Troper is one of those who grew his hair out long and was constantly mistaken for a girl in Middle School and even into high school for a while, I even remember one particularly notable loud jackass driving down the street and shouting Hey baby, assuming it was an honest mistake on his part (ha!) he was still trying to flirt with a 13 year old boy. Anyway a bridget was dropped on me when I found out my middle school crush thought I was a girl that flirted with a couple of guys in the year before I met her (we hang out in an alley and talked). I did not take this too well. This story is actually pretty dull though, but interestingly my mother had even worse issues, first, in Kindergarten she thought she was a boy until a friend, uh, showed her the difference between himself and herself. Later in life, someone else had the gall to mistake her for a man when she was particularly big breasted and flashed him saying something amusing I dont quite recall (I was not at the time born yet, but she was more than happy to recount this tale much to my horror). Also rather unfortunately, while my voice is more or less the way it will be for the rest of my life and isnt at all high, my mothers voice remains deeper than mine which doesnt work out too well when shes on the phone with someone she just met. * This female troper usually wears loose jeans and t-shirts, a large

brown trenchcoat when its cold, has shaggy hair to her shoulders, thick brows, a deep contralto voice, is 4 or 5 inches above average in height, overweight, and has large feet and hands. Combined with her masculine mannerisms and forceful personality, she's often been mistaken for a guy. This is in total contrast to a person that goes to her school(friend of a friend) who she was convinced was a girl until she was told otherwise. Seriously, the guy has a figure and looks like he's wearing a sports bra! * I apparently make such a great trap that when I posted a photo of myself wearing somewhat masculine clothes on a fourm, one of the members, a gay man, said that I made him straight. It was a while until he then dropped a bridget on me when I learned that he is not a lesbian, as I had thought. * This lesbian troper is highly uncomfortable with her gender, and so started making efforts to hide it, beginning the summer of eighth grade when she chopped all her hair off. Hilarity ensued when a boy she'd been in school with for five years thought she was a new (male) student, and substitute teachers referred to her as 'young man.' She wore a dress for the last day of eighth grade - the look on the bus driver's face was hilarious. * I met a lesbian couple once and they both had male (nick)names, short hair, and one of them even had a totally flat chest (or at least very very good breast bandages). Randomly, when I was younger, my sister and I used to dress up our younger brother in a dress and a wig and he looked wonderful. * This troper has a little sister, and when I went around with her when I was 7 or so (she was 5) with our mother, we looked almost perfectly identical, including the clothes (she wore / wears my old hand-me-downs, so a tee and some shorts back then). Anyway, the best part was that there was this one ice-cream man who was always in our neighborhood, and when our mom finally bought us some ice-cream, he handed it to us, saying that our mom had "cute daughters". At this point, I opened my mouth and asked my mom, quite loudly, "Do I have another sister, momma?" To say the least, the man's face was priceless. * In high school, this troper was in classes with quite a few obnoxious straight males who would make lewd comments about female classmates. One of this troper's hobbies was to take what appeared to be foreign fashion magazines to school and page through them until one of the obnoxious straight males asked to look at "those hot chicks." This troper would give it a good five minutes and try to get some of their friends involved in the appraising before revealing that the magazines were music magazines and all the "hot chicks" they were ogling were in fact male visual kei artists. If memory serves, the ensuing Bridget-dropping did actually turn a few of the boys bi. * I was at the village shop a few years ago buying chocolate, waiting for the guy to finish at the counter so I could go. When he left, the attendant assumed the old guy standing behind him was in the cue. The old guy realised this and said "no, that young lady's before me" or something similar. I also fairly regularly got people singing "dude looks like a lady" around me. I have since cut my hair. * This troper has a friend on DeviantArt the makes the ultimate trap.

I was brousing randomly and came across a picture of what I assumed to be a very cute girl. It never crossed my mind that someone so pretty could really be a guy in drag. But when I went to their profile, the gender said male. As it turns out, he's just a very feminin [[{{wholesome crossdresser}} crossdresser]]. [[http://ruuro9.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2mei7u Here is a pic of him]] (the hair is a wig.) * I actually had this happen to myself: this past weekend, I was attending the Tokyo in Tulsa 2010 anime convention, when I spotted a "girl" cosplaying Kuja from Final Fantasy 9...turns out it was a very feminine guy, thus I had a Bridget dropped on myself. That's th last time I'll hit on someone. ** [[{{Bishonen}} Kuja]]? You were asking for it. * My best friend's little sister did this. Unintentionally. To her DOCTOR. He thought she was a he during a checkup. "Okay, Mrs. (insert surname here), I'm going to have to see your son's testacles." Awkwardness ensued on all parites involved. * I had this happen to me when I took a university course last year. I didn't even think about it, I just assumed that the person sitting in front of me was a really short and unusually cute boy. It wasn't until more than a week into the course that I finally happened to catch the individual's first name and realised that "holy shit, it's a girl!" * This female troper encountered a trap. She was hanging over a friend of a friends house to play her first ever D&D session. She was geeking out. The friend she came with made a store run, leaving this troper alone with the friend whom she had the assumption was another girl. We went to play in the pool and by some freak accident a canadian goose crashed trying to land in said pool, blood and feathers floating in the water. We got over the shock of the odd freak accident, and i decided to help fish the body out the pool. 'She' fell and pulled me in with her. We climbed out and slunk back into the house. She offered me a change of clothing, and as we are peeling off our wet clothing i notice two things: she's incredibly flatchested and her boyshort panties had a fucking bulge in them. I'm standing there like a dumbass in my wet panties,decided not to wear a bra so i'm topless,gaping at the guy who i thought was another girl,horrified. I was not amused by his 'surprised huh?' and more or less shrieked " YOU MOTHER--TRAP!!!!!" ** It gets worse when he tries to hug me and 'apologize'--sitting on my lap and wrapping his arms around my neck. i was so bewildered i didn't know WHAT to do. Girl that was a guy dropped the ultimate bridget on me. When i tried to pry him off,hanging on like a freaking limpet with a surprisingly strong grip for someone so damn scrawny, i asked what the hell he/she was doing? If a guy dressed up as a girl, it meant they liked dudes,right? His/her reply:'I'm trying to seduce you,SILLY!" ** I threw him/her over the couch,snatched the dry clothes he had brought, and hauled ass barefoot into the street. The funny thing? The DepravedBisexual wanted to hang out again..* shudder* * Never met him myself, but one of my work friends knows this guy who's half-Japanese/half-English who grew up in America. Saying he's a pretty boy is an understatement; he's so androgynous people apparently

mistake him for a girl all the time, until they hear his incredibly deep, manly voice only an idiot could think is feminine. He lost the mother of all bets and had to skip around the mall in a dress and hit on one random person. He chose... [[HelloAgainOfficer a mall security cop]]. No points for guessing how spot on the mall cop was. * When I was in university I grew my hair long as part of my obsession with HeavyMithril. I also ate a lot of junk food, didn't exercise, and other such bodily abuse. The point is, I was about as far from looking like a girl as I could possibly imagine even with the long hair, or so I thought. Imagine my surprise when I was walking around Covent Garden and a tourist couple came up to me and said, "excuse me, miss?" and asked for directions. It was only when I started talking that they realised I was a guy. Possible overlap with PaperThinDisguise, except that I wasn't actually trying to disguise myself. * T.T. was reading some comments on LiveJournal when she saw a user with several avatars of a cartoon character T.T. had never seen before. These avatars were of a ''potently'' {{Adorkable}} [[NerdsAreSexy nerd boy]] who, if the avatars were anything to go by, had a love of [[BadassLongcoat long coats]] and [[GeekyTurnOn good books.]] Later, she found out that the avatars were from a cartoon called "{{Cybersix}}." Watch an episode, and... it turns out Mr. Adorkable is actually the [[ClarkKenting alter ego]] of the ''very'' female heroine. So much for that [[PerverseSexualLust PSL]]. * After working together for about six months, I went to dinner with a coworker on a business trip. During the meal, the conversation got onto the subject of LGBT rights and politics, and said coworker seemed unusually clueful about trans issues. I said to her, "um, you do know I'm trans, right?" at one point. Her reply: "Really? So am I." * The single dumbest person this troper has ever known has apparently mistaken him for female for quite some time. Since the person in question is persistently and willfully oblivious to the degree to which he annoys women, this troper (who tends to treat said stupid person with contempt anyway) told him "If I was a woman, I'd be a lot less nice." * She wasn't a guy, but she was intersex. With a penis and everything. She was born a guy and she was a (very effeminate and very gay) guy until she hit puberty. This troper was... shocked, to say the least. You'd expect a girl who used to be a guy to be, like, really ugly, with a little beard or something. It's a total surprise when it turns out that the stunningly, angelically, ''androgynously'' beautiful girl you have been dating was one. * [[@/AwesomeZombie22 This troper]] dropped quite a few Bridgets when she went to a new school. Everyone was calling me "he", and I didn't think to correct them for three days... until a ''teacher'' called me a boy. I decided to correct her and my classroom at the same time. Of course, in areas of my school outside of my classroom, I have a Bridget in the dropping. In one of my groups, the instructor was saying "he". I do this a lot, but not without intention. Usually, I don't correct them. ---Go back to DroppedABridgetOnHim...wait, you're a ''guy?!'' ----

<<|TroperTales|>>

DropWhatYouAreDoing * Here's one worthy of a movie scene: on 9/11, this troper's sister first learned something was up when she was up on a catwalk in a theater in D.C., working with a heavy (did we mention these things are ''heavy''?) stagelight when a guy she'd never known to lose his cool ran in screaming a plane had just hit the Pentagon (he'd been driving on the highway right next to it). She lost her grip and the footlight smashed. * The first time this troper ever fired a .44 caliber revolver, the mere shock caused me to almost drop the gun. My left hand flailing uselessly as I just stared for a moment. Even after all the stories and warnings, firing such a weapon still has some stuff-dropping recoil. ----

DrPediaAndMrTrope !!Tropers who admit to being examples: * @/GracieLizzie admits to being a bit of a Dr Pedia and Ms Trope. She tries to be nice about it. * @/LargeBluntObject attempted to be a Dr Pedia once, but is a Mr Trope through and through. He doesn't. * @/EponymousKid ''was'' Dr. Pedia before becoming Mr. Trope, and is actually embarrased about ever being the former. * @/{{igordebraga}} is somewhat of a Dr. Pedia - but he hates the copyright policies, the speed of Peer Review and Good Article nominations, and the amount of complaints in Featured Article candidacy. And he tries to avoid excessive time in both wikis ([[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife for obvious causes]]). * @/{{Katsuhagi}} has her Dr. Pedia moments, though generally speaking she's more of a Mr. Troper and less concerned about notability and all that jazz. She mainly just sticks with editing typos on TheOtherWiki at this point. * @/DrThinker was a Dr. Pedia before he come a Mr. Trope. * @/{{Cameoflage}} was also a Dr. Pedia before becoming a Ms. Trope and has since more or less stopped editing Wikipedia (not that she was ever very prominent there, given her SerialTweaker status), although she still reads it. She has a bit of a love-hate relationship with the notability policy, and finds the copyrighted-image red tape rather irritating. Also, logging so much time as a Ms. Trope has permanently warped her writing style on wikis (for the better, in my opinion, but a fellow editor on a wiki that served as the UniverseConcordance for a freeform AIM RP we're both in took issue with the irreverent tone in which I wrote about one of their beloved characters and utterly gutted the entry). ** Who are you and how did you get onto [[@/{{Starscream}} my]] computer? * @/{{Justyn}} was never a Dr. Pedia: he could never deal with the

stick lodged that far up his ass. He took to being a Mr Trope like a [[AcceptableTargets hippie]] to pot. * @/{{Arrow}} still hangs around TheOtherWiki enough to classify as this. He tries to be Mr. Trope where possible there too, but will turn Dr. Pedia in a heartbeat in some cases. * @/IdleDandy is totally Miss Trope, in large part because she was here before she ever discovered TheOtherWiki. She's gotten into [[EditWar edit wars]] on both TheOtherWiki and the one dedicated to her favorite show, and has pretty much decided to hide out here. * @/{{Putnamehere3145}} admits to being quite serious on wikipedia. However, for some reason I talk in this form of vocabulary from here to GameFAQS, and all the way to TeamFortress2 * @/{{Daggerstab}} is actually an ''admin'' in one of the non-English editions of Wikipedia. You'd better not talk to him after a vandalismheavy day... * @/CALieber is distilled essence of Dr. Pedia. He tries to suppress his inner pedant on TVTropes. * Minor subversion- since [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife finding TV Tropes]] this troper has never been able to edit that other wiki with a serious intent ever again. Her sole recent contribution? She giddily (and stupidly) changed a single letter on the entry for HarryPotter so it read 'lovely orphan' instead of 'lonely orphan'. Help! * @/DaibhidC finds he's become ''more'' of a Dr. Pedia on the other wiki, since he started channeling his Mr. Trope tendencies into TVTropes. (Wikipedians who have cleaned pages up in his wake may disagree.) * @/{{Jubal Harshaw}} - Dr. Jimmy and Mr. Jim ... when I'm pilled you don't notice him ... he only comes out when I drink my gin. * @/SirQuady used to be a Dr. Pedia, waaaaay back before anybody knew about Wikipedia, back when it was far more Mr. Trope-like. He's now a Mr. Trope through and through! * @/{{LadyNorbert}} concedes to some Dr. Pedia tendencies, in part because she's an admin on the [[http://zelda.wikia.com Zeldapedia]] and is used to editing in that style. It's taken her a little time to conform to Ms. Trope mentality, and even now she can't let go of her obsessive tendency to fix other people's spelling. * @/{{Aque}} has to admit that, while being obsessive about spelling and grammar, is Ms. Trope in heart. [[ThereIsNoSuchThingAsNotability We all know why.]] * @/DoctorNemesis tried to be a good Dr. Pedia. He really did. He did his best to stick to the rules. But then they kept changing them, and adding more, and taking all the fun out of it, and all the while a little anarchic voice in the back of his head was whispering at him. One day, it introduced itself as Mr. Trope. And he hasn't looked back since that day... * @/DragonHawk started editing TheOtherWiki long before TVTropes, but has lots of fun here, too, and has no problem switch between contexts. Unlike @/{{Justyn}}, he has never felt a need to shove a stick up his ass. I do bemoan the choice of wiki software here, though. [=PmWiki=] stinks. * @/{{ABCD}}, like @/DragonHawk, had been an admin on TheOtherWiki for years before discovering TVTropes. He also agrees that

[=MediaWiki=] is much nicer than [=PmWiki=]. * @/{{Komanda}} is far more of a Dr. Pedia than Mr. Trope. Probably. Most likely. Oh hell, who am I kidding? * Charlie Brown learned of TheOtherWiki first (around 2005), and tried to be a Dr. Pedia. But every article he made got deleted for lack of citations. He didn't learn of TVTropes until stumbling in here accidentally a few years later (late 2008). One trope edit, and it's non-deletion a few hours later, and he made the transformation to Mr. Trope. * @/{{Civanfan}} likes information - ''lots'' of it, about '''everything'''. Wikipedia, apparently, doesn't. Lately he's been tempted to try and compress some of Wikipedia's science and history pages into one overall page - like they do with characters from anime and TV shows - remove example pictures, and maybe stick "notability" and "trivia" tags on ''every single page he can''. So, uh, Mr. Trope all the way. * @/RegShoe was Dr Pedia but after becoming Mr Trope he could not find the way back. So he has left TheOtherWiki in the capable hands of others and will foster and care for TVTropes instead. * @/{{Micah}} has a tendency to be Dr Pedia on TVTropes, and Mr Trope on Wikipedia. He doesn't know either. * @/{{Master Hand}} is ''both'', enjoying both wikis, and I'm unashamed about it. I wish we could get along better. * @/{{Cliche}} strongly leans towards the Dr Pedia values of impartiality and source referencing, although the latter is only necessary to him for exceptional claims. * @/{{RHODESIA}} is definitely a DrPediaAndMrTrope. Though she doesn't really like TheOtherWiki, it is necessary sometimes. * @/{{Lordnecronus}} is a textbook example of this. * @/YourObedientSerpent has been known to let his Dr Pedia side loose in TropeLand, when entries and examples parrot frequently-repeated misconceptions, misremember stuff, or simply DidNotDoTheResearch. He won't start fights, but he ''will'' correct entries and examples he feels are in error. He usually won't delete anything ''outright'' unless he posts an explanation in the discussion page, though. * @/{{Willbyr}} started off in Wikipedia, got tired of the bickering over content, and has since turned his Dr. Pedia side loose here. Hopefully, it's been for the better. * @/{{MiraShio}}, under a different pseudonym, was once Dr. Pedia. She left TheOtherWiki when she started distrusting the quality and became Ms. Trope. * [[{{Tropers.INUH}} I am definitely a Mr. Trope.]] I just tried to type in a wikipedia url, but instead typed this unholy bastardization: -->http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Pearl%20Harbor%20(film) * I have been referred to as a "walking encyclopedia", "living Wikipedia" and "walking IMdB". I love spouting trivia when watching films with others, which usually irritates them to no end. Some people think it's cool though, and will go "oh, yeah...I never noticed that!", which makes me happy. I also love throwing out examples of HeyItsThatGuy I confused my Mum immensely when I pointed to Charles Muntz on the screen during {{Up}}, saying "that is Captain Von Trapp". * Look at the "Stock characters and character archetypes table" on

Wikipedia (Seen at the bottom of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stock_character this page]] and tell me that ''Wikipedia and TV Tropes themselves'' are not examples of this trope. Back to DrPediaAndMrTrope * I think the title should change to DrTropeAndMrPedia ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DrunkenMaster * [[{{Whitetigah}} this troper]]'s ability to write complicated plots is augmented by alcoholic beverages. Sadly, his actual ''writing'' skills decrease with blood alcohol content, so he simply writes down the plot, waits until he's sober, then writes the story. ** Really? This troper will get back to you after he's tested this. ** Similarly, when sufficiently lubricated, [[{{Pawsplay}} this troper]] can recall some of the calculus he crammed in college. *** This is a real psychological phenomenon called "state-based recall:" essentially, if you learn something in a certain mental state, you are far more likely to remember it when coaxed back into the same mental state. This suggests, however, you learned your Calculus smashed. *** Remember kids, Don't Drink and Derive. **** I award the above troper one internet. ** I had a buddy who made a joke like that once... ** And this one also knows this guy who never learned a single thing about Fourier analysis until he got himself a six-pack of beers. ** Another editor's mother is much better at video games when she's been drinking. ** This troper's done some of his best programming while drunk. Possibly because he's willing to code in ways he wouldn't even consider otherwise. * Likewise, it is a common theory among students of foreign languages that having a couple of drinks before an oral exam helps you speak more fluently. This seems to have been borne out by this troper's own experience - it is surmised that, as well as dispelling nervousness about the exam, the alcohol helps to disinhibit the speaker from worrying too much about grammar. The foreign language spoken may well be less technically accurate, but will sound more fluent and less halting, which counts for a lot in oral examinations. ** This troper's English professor actually heartily recommended the students to get a glass of wine before the oral exam for this purpose. And it worked, too. He did warn not to take three glasses, or more, though. ** A friend of [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]], whose English when sober barely goes beyond saying "hello, how are you?" with a hideously thick accent, told a story about how he returned tanked to his home in Vancouver after getting lost. He asked for directions at a hotel... and it turned out his drunken English was actually functional. ** In a similar note to the upper-level example, [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]]'s

French teacher has told his students to drink a glass of whiskey before practicing their speech. (Of course, since this is an Alliance Franaise, drinking is forbidden and thus she makes her students yell instead). * The only reason I would want to drink anything is to see if I'm better at something in particular if I am drunk. * This troper achieves a zen-like lucidity when drunk, but lowered inhibitions. So he will say something more brilliant than usual without thinking twice about it. Downside: He'll be more honest that usual without thinking twice. ** This troper is exactly the same way. I've discovered that I'm far more articulate and eloquent when drunk, and can argue and debate with the best of them. Part of that is also the lowered honesty inhibitions. * Irish Drivers anyone? 2.5 million drivers. Only 400 deaths a year. That's 0.016% W00t!! * xkcd anyone? http://xkcd.com/323/ * I have experience this myself although not with alcohol but with hashish. Smoked a bong in the morning before a important test and got full points for the stuff he wrote. [[AndKnowingIsHalfTheBattle So remember, kids]]: [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop drugs make everything better!]] * This Troper is much better at video games while drunk or under the influence of prescription painkillers (never at the same time!). His theory goes that in those instances he doesn't actually care if there is some colossal goofup or mistake. And in fact, it's usually a bit funnier. * This troper doesn't drink, but he's pretty much a master of Fist of the Drunken Monkey when extremely tired, or otherwise imbalanced. He does, however, get the giggles so hard that he falls over on his own after a successful knockdown. ** This troper acts similarly, except that she can recite sizable chunks of poetry, prose or plays. Anything up to two acts of a Shakespeare play. It is remarkably useful skill for Literature tests, though. *** Continuing the trend, [[{{Nobody89}} this troper]] finds his writing skills improve a surprising amount when he is sleep deprived. ** [[Tropers/{{JET73L}} I]]'m pretty sure the original, Drunken Monkey-ing troper is me. Not "[[Memes/TVTropes Are you me]]!?" sure, "before getting a Contributer's Page and using only GenderNeutralWriting but after getting Known" sure. Unfortunately, lack of sleep only works for writing papers within a few very narrow margins, most of which are cancelled out by enough caffeine (which mellows me out too much) or too much sugar (which makes me somewhatto-extremely hyper until I crash). Within those margins I reach the CaffeineBulletTime of inspiration, but outside of those margins I'm merely more AttentionDeficitOohShiny than usual. * This troper, for the longest time, couldn't get past the asylum climb in ''{{Psychonauts}}''. Then he passed it while so drunk he ''can't remember'' how he did it. * This troper gets massively more creative and silly when he's exhausted and therefore "sleep drunk," but is still mostly in control

of himself. He's almost afraid of the effects of actual alcohol lowering his inhibitions. * This troper got something of a reputation for balancing on a rail while getting steadily drunker, and although swaying sometimes wildly, didn't spill a drop. As soon as the glass was empty, I promptly toppled into the hedges. Later successfully fought off both neighbors after comments that probably wouldn't have been made between us if we weren't stupidly drunk. * The 'pool zone' is recognized for it's success among players in bars. It's when you're drunk enough to play well, but not too drunk to play well. * People tell me that I am just ridiculously likable while stoned. Another example; My friend is ridiculous at Guitar Hero, able to do TTFATF on expert. While stoned, he can do this and carry on a complicated conversation about the nature of the universe and god, at the SAME TIME. * This Troper is better at Guitar Hero while drunk, and a better musician overall with a decent buzz going(just a drink or two). Further, he once gave a speech in a college speech class while drunk. Like, almost can't stand drunk. 98 out of 100, for one tiny grammatical mistake. ** Dad once had a gig at a place where the bartender's philosophy was "The musicians play better the drunker they get." Not always true. Some jazz players feel that their performances are better when they have a mild buzz going, and often they're right. But if they get too far past that level, it goes downhill fast.\\ Case in point: a friend of mine played with a Celtic band for a St. Patrick's day party in an Irish bar, and during the first break they all got completely smashed. When they came back on stage, they approached their instruments like they'd never seen them before. Their second set was terrible. My friend (the singer) completely forgot the second and third verses of one song, so she just did the first verse again. Twice. The saving grace for the band was that they were easily the most ''sober'' people in the room... ** This Troper just played some Guitar Hero while too drunk to drive (which he isn't very often) - and got four full combos (100% notes hit, no extra strums) on Expert that he didn't have before! It's probably because he tends to choke when closing in on a full combo while sober. * This Troper writes much better papers and essays when he is sleep deprived. No idea how that works, but it does. * [[SabreJustice This troper]] gets slightly better at video games when drunk. I think. ** I certainly do become a LightningBruiser though; less hesitation means I'm even faster and more agile, and feel less pain! ** This Troper has tested this out with Mario Kart Wii. No noticeable decrease in skill until 0.15% or so. Time Trial times don't lie - he set a couple personal records while over the limit for real-life driving. Although his skill at some other video games gets impaired while he's still legal to drive - it might have to do with how much he's played it (the more experience he has with it, the more alcohol it takes to impair it.)

* This troper has found that he is demonstrably better at shooting pool when slightly drunk than when stone sober. Apparently, this is a common phenomenon. * This Troper managed to beat Metroid in under two hours, but only while sleep-deprived. * This troper becomes a lot more analytical when drunk, usually helping in drunken conversations about practically anything, so during a conversation people half expect me to say "Objection" (a la Phoenix Wright) when someone says something contradictory. * This troper sings much better after a drink or two, it's a confidence thing. * This troper while stoned becomes unbeatable at racing games. Time dilation effects coupled with a photographic memory makes for some fun times. While drunk he gains the ability to find almost anything when requested for it regardless of location. Apparently drinking gives a +10 bonus to my spot checks. * I swear, taking a few Nyquils is the ultimate solution to writer's block. I discovered this accidentally in high school when I had a cold and a term paper due. If you're the sort who can remain upright after taking Nyquil, it really helps to lubricate the ol' thinking processes. Just make sure you've got time to edit out the weirder stuff. * This troper has discovered she can do some pretty good writing while severely sleep deprived. Some of her highest graded essays were done while drunk on lack of sleep. * ThisTroper's artist friend has a hard time getting simple line-art to cooperate when he's sober, but with a couple of beers and a joint or two, he can fill entire sheets of posterboard with maps and cityscapes. * [[DeltaOne This Troper]] gets into a funky manic-depressive cycle when sleep-deprived. By funky, the cycle goes manic-depressive-manicdepressive every hour or so. While manic, everything he does becomes CrazyAwesome, especially [[DrivesLikeCrazy driving]]. While depressive, it's more like everything is too much effort, so he does it really quickly to get it over with. In both forms, he sounds like ChuckYeager. * This troper gets wicked doodley when drunk. Also kills off any pain from my carpal and radial tunnel, so I can draw for hours, turning out stuff I doubt I could pull off sober. * This troper has created a mixture of gin, vodka, and really, really strong coffee that gives him a decent buzz - I both game, code, and play guitar much better after a few cups of it. The guitar part is an unfortunate dichotomy: I've come up with some great things, but it's hard to remember any of it in the morning, even if I write the whole damn thing down; it's downright impossible if I have more than a couple cups. Coding is better, because my comments tend to help me figure out just what the hell I wrote after I hit the black hole at the bottom of the bottle (though I've been known to write a for loop manually using if-then statements as well...). * [[{{Usagi}} This troper]] was in a live-action {{cosplay}} TurnBasedStrategy battle, cosplaying as [[TheAlcoholic Lusca]] from {{Enzai}}. Said troper was actually completely sober (considering

she's 14, it makes sense. haha~), but, risking out-of-characterness for comedy, took on this trope when it was her turn. ** And [[{{Dojikko}} fell.]] On the [[ChaoticNeutral team's zombie]]. [[MemeticMutation BAD END]] * This troper did what her fashion illustration teacher considered one of her best projects drunkish. She'd drunk a bottle of wine and some whiskey, and drew a very accurate portrait in non-traditional mediums. She often finds she does color even better when slightly high or drunk than when sober, which is saying something considering she understands color very very well sober. She also understands philosophical arguments better somewhat inebriated than sober. * This troper's German increases from passable to perfectly fluent with each drink. This troper has two theories: one is that he's channeling his German heritage and the other is that German was meant to be spoken slurred. * This troper can only walk easily and effortlessly in heels after a few drinks. Seems counterintuitive, but her feet being somewhat numb (and therefore painless) really helps. ---R= r eturn to DrunkenMaster there. geus I ont follow rhis rope, ya big old...grape . ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DrunkenSong * Okay, {{Truth In Television}}, [[HasherBritarse this troper]], being a hasher, notoriously sings [[BawdySong Hash Hymns]] when drunk. ** There's a mild version (only the Woad Song) [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkgH5nYDEIE here]]. I'm the one in the too-small hat. ** And being a former trotskyite, once drunkenly sang ''The Internationale'' at a funeral. * Every Friday night at the pub, this troper and his mates sing Beelzeboss by Tenacious D when uproariously drunk. * [[{{Nomic}} This troper]] knows a lot of people who do this. * [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]] once sang a toasting song that goes along the lines of "Nothing remains, the booze vanishes! No cowardice, the booze vanishes! Drink it all, all, all!". He once also sang the StarSpangled Banner under the logic that 1.- he's not American, and 2.the Star-Spangled Banner ''did'' used to be a DrunkenSong. * Oooooh, yes! [[{{Divra}} This troper]] always starts singing when on the tipple. Material chosen will become increasingly explicit with amount of alcohol consumed, and nights have been known to end with me staggering hom singing the first three verses of [[BawdySong Eskimo Nell]] over and over. * My uncle has a penchant for slurring Don't Stop Believing into a nonsensical mess... "Don't stop the booze from comin', keep it on the dance floor, shadows getting down, and in the niiiiiiiight cowboys..." yeah... Jack Daniels turns him into a CloudCuckooLander. * What? No Flogging Molly?

[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDwlGbEcJ6Y Drunken Lullabies]] & [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdR9Ti0ojVk If I Ever Leave This World Alive]]. Nothing like swinging a good beer with the music. * This feline at heart troper's older brother sings Blue Bird (The one used in Naruto) when he's drunk. Yeah, I don't get it either. * This troper only knows one drinkin' song, and he doesn't even drink. Wastin' away in Margaritaville, searchin' for mah long lost shaker o' salt... * What of the drinking classic [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeZY70sEP1Q F* ck you I'm drunk]]. Note, not for pubs where the management are likely to take exception to that sort of thing. * This troper and her friends like to sing 'We're having a gangbang, we're having a ball. We've having a gang bang, against the wall' when things get going. * Sometimes, it's hard to find a song with the right cadence for drunken singing that everyone knows. Having gone to a Catholic school the default choice became "Jesus, Lover of My Soul," regardless of religious affiliation. You've seen nothing until you've seen thirtyodd drunken 17 year olds singing hymns on the beach at schoolies. * The first time this troper got drunk, he started singing "Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced." As his friend put it, "He's singing Dropkick Murphys. He's plastered." * This Troper once, at the age of 9, had to endure a 12-hour car-ride to Florida in a five-seat SUV with her sister, her cousin, her aunt, her uncle, her father, and two dogs. This would not have been so bad if her father and uncle had not laid in the cargo compartment getting absurdly drunk and singing the Gilligan's Island theme tune repeateddly. To this day, This Troper is devoutly sober. * This troper made a drawing - for a classmate who used to have an album titled "I Heart Beer" - of four of his favorite characters (Harry Potter, Asterix, Garfield, and Brazilian comic character Jimmy Five) loaded and singing songs about booze (two in Portuguese, plus "Cigarettes and Alcohol" and "Whiskey in the Jar"). * This Troper has a number of Drunken Songs he uses. A good example is 'Another Irish Drinking Song' by Da Vinci's Notebook, or 'Uisge Beatha' by Roaring Jack. 'Beer Beer' and 'Wooden Pints' by Korpiklaani make any drinking experience more hilarious. * This Troper, right now. Subverted in that he's just singing along with whatever happens to be playing (FranzFerdinand's cover of LCDSoundsystem's "All My Friends," at the moment). * I once proudly made up a song about shooting people in the leg under some certain...influences. Granted, I was watching my friend play Resident Evil at the time, and shooting people in the leg was exactly what he was doing * i always thought that brit-pop was the ideal music for when you're shitfaced. Oasis's "What's the story, morning glory" in particular. The whole album. * You haven't truly lived until you and your buddies have made a tradition of wailing out Manowar's Blood of the Kings every time you hit up the local karaoke bar. (Ironically enough, I'm the one that ''doesn't'' drink.)

* My father and I are horrid singers...unless we're over our limit, in which we can sing any grunge song, buzz beat or Rugburns song perfectly. We always figured this was because drunkenness was a prerequisite to sing the songs in the first place. * I haven't been drunk very much in my life, but the standout time was New Years Eve 2009/10. We were all pretty trashed, but the moment we realized it was the new year, we managed to get ourselves coherent enough to all drunkenly burst out into "Don't Stop Believing" without any prior planning. From what I can remember, we were actually pretty decent, for a bunch of drunk nerds. Might count as a CrowningMusicOfAwesome, too. * For this troper, it's ''Das Hofbruhas Lied.'' Granted, if I'm drunk, there's a good chance that I'm ''in'' the Hofbruhaus anyway, so... But my mom once found me giggling on the bathroom floor the morning after with half-digested sauerkraut strewn over every surface, still singing that song... * This troper has gone through more than a few drinking songs in his time. Often among my group of friends we would just go along with whatever anyone started out with that everyone would know. Notable examples that would always come up would be Queen and the Pokemon theme tune. * While out with some drunk vet students, I encountered what is best described as a real-life version of the Hedgehog Song, called "But bestiality's rape". * This troper's best friend and her brother, after sufficient spirits, will sing the entirety of [[TenaciousD The Pick of Destiny]] soundtrack. Brilliantly. For this troper, however, it tends to be Alannah Myles' Black Velvet. Which is also my karaoke song. Oh dear. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DryDocking * This Troper would love to attest that this is probably the leading cause of [[OldShame Old Shame]] in fandom. ** It's ''that'' popular? I've seen plenty of OC/canon {{shipping}} in my fandom time but it doesn't seem ''that'' popular. Then again... see PrisonersOfPollyanna and the example that stopped me from sympathising with Japanese {{Otaku}}. * [[{{Cubey}} This Troper]] [[BerserkButton hates this trope so much]] and has no respect to anyone who harbors it. Especially some {{Otaku}} and their "I don't want a second hand wife!" attitude. ---Don't you dare go back to DryDocking! It's mine! MINE!

DualWielding * I do this all the time. With knives. * ThisTroper had his friend teach him how to play dagorhir this past summer. Being leagues ahead of me in skill, he more or less wiped the floor with me every time, except that one duel where clever feinting

with a sword and axe gave me just that little extra [[IncrediblyLamePun edge.]] I proceeded to lose every subsequent match due to running out of smartass ideas. ** This Troper's sister usually Dual Wields axes in Dagorhir, and kicks a surprising amount of ass for a post-natal housewife... then again, she is a FieryRedhead CoolBigSis. * This troper often wishes that [=ODSTs=] possessed adequate hand-eye coordination to do this during Firefight in Halo 3: ODST. * After watching a few videos on YouTube, [[UnspeakableVillain this troper]] had a go at playing two saxophones at once. Soprano and alto are easier; alto and tenor are more difficult. * This troper, who dislikes {{Light Gun Game}}s developed by Midway, tends to have more fun with them when he plays both players at the same time. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]] did this when playing a game of pingpong at church; using two paddles at once. I called them the [[GodOfWar Blades of Chaos]], if you where wondering. * [[{{Regiment}} This troper]] noticed in his {{LARP}} that dualwielding is inordinately popular among newbies, and a sort of sideways GameBreaker; against single opponents, it can be extremely effective (especially if the opponent has a {{BFS}}, like this troper uses), while in organized group battles, it tends to be utterly useless, since you're very likely to get swiped at by people far out of your range. ** Kulture here, and in my experiences it requires creativity. When I rolled akimbo short swords at a major larp event, I covered my faction's shield-wall by parrying incoming blows (raising a shield in a shield wall is notoriously difficult with latex edged shields), and even managed to blade-lock a faction leader , allowing my faction's front-liners to pagger him where he stood. * [[http://marikbentusi.deviantart.com/art/Element-Explained-Lighter171694187 "You're just jealous because I am dual-wielding flamethrowers"]] * Not that badass, but this Troper almost always cooks with dualwielded wooden spoons. * This Troper does this purely for the RuleOfCool whenever he's in a play fight. No matter what the object is - toy swords, Legos fashioned in the form of swords, any kind of ball that won't cause physical harm, video game controllers, books - if it's in reach and can be dual-wielded, I'm probably dual-wielding it. (Note: Dual-wielding ''always'' puts you at an advantage if neither of the participating have formal weapons training.) * This troper tried DualWielding [[GunsAkimbo two Wii remotes]] to beat SinAndPunishment2's final boss's final phase. [[spoiler:the one where you have to protect Kachi's soul.]]. It actually does not work better than using just one. * Once in a science class fight, I decided to go one step further and [[OnePiece triple wield]] metre rulers, versus a classmate who merely held a stack of rulers in one hand. It was awesome. * No formal training beyond watching a crapton of anime, but I've trained both myself and my younger brother(who is surprisingly skilled for a six year old...he uses that size to his advantage) to

swordfight. I taught him basic tactics, and allowed him to develop his own style. We currently differ, as he uses a full blown broomstick(I don't let him near the actual models...), and I counter with my shorter, nodachi-sized weapons. Very simple tactic, though effective, really. Parry, thrust. Win. * After playing too much FinalFantasyIII and KingdomHearts, this troper always likes putting 2 of anything in each hand and imagine that he is dual-wielding them. [[ImprobableWeaponUser ANYTHING.]] Among the things I've dual-wielded are: ** Newspapers ** TV remotes ** Pens ** Books ** Jugs of milk ** Dumbells ** Nintendo DS styluses * ThisTroper once had to dual-wield ''calculators'' for an exam - a financial calculator, and a plain scientific calculator that had the useful multi-row display. No, it does not allow you to save time by answering multiple questions at once, don't try. It does, however, allow you to use alternate forms of a calculation formula at the same time, provided you're relaxed and clear enough to do so. ---Use your mouse to return to DualWielding, and your keyboard to parry incoming blows

DuckSeasonRabbitSeason * TruthInTelevision: This troper has done this before in arguments of the "yes/no" variety, though the other person quickly realized his mistake. * Many childhood arguments between this troper and her brother degenerated into attempts to do this. * Similarly, this troper had this happen only once, and felt it was the {{Crowning Moment of Awesome}} of his life. He would like to point out that it wasn't really this, his sister didn't switch positions, just keep saying the same thing without thinking: --->Yes? --->No! --->Yes? --->No! --->Really? --->No!... Dammit! * This Troper has managed to do this many times with her friend. It's usually of the "Nuh-''uh''!" "Uh-''huh''!" variety and each time just became funnier (Nuh-uh! Uh huh! Nuh uh! Nuh uh! Uh hu- I HATE YOU!) * This troper has also managed to do it as well as catching someone as they were trying to do it to her (Yes! No! Yes! No! No! Thank you! I knew you'd see it my way). It felt like pure awesome to be sure. * This troper has been fooled by this trick on several occasions. ** Even when trying to fool someone else with it. *This Troper's friend had become obsessed temporarily with saying

WRONG like Lex Luthor in Superman Returns. I- not once, but TWICEpulled a DuckSeasonRabbitSeason on him by leading him on, and then saying "[friend's name]'s great". Friend says WRONG!! HilarityEnsues. * This troper pulled this off on one of his friends. The next day, a different friend did it to him. * This troper and her best friend once had a "Do not"/"Do too" battle in the middle of and throughout a group MSN conversation. Said exchange occurred about ''forty'' times before the then-boyfriend of one of the participants finally showed up and we abandoned our war in order to tease him. * This troper watched their father try to pull the Yes/No swap unsuccessfully on their 2-year-old niece. After commenting that "it worked for Bugs Bunny," this troper was immediately countered with "it also worked for you two." * I've tried this. It never works. At best the other person just stumbles a bit (over the conversation obviously) and just goes back to normal. Can't tell if its because they are smart or stupid. * Inverted by this editor's friend. During and art class she said how ugly her works look. This ensued: --> She: It looks like crap --> Me: No it doesn't --> She: Yes it does --> Me: It does not --> She: It does --> Me: It does not --> She: It does --> Me: It does --> She: *{{Beat}}* I know I am slow, but I'm not stupid enough to fall for ''that'' * Interesting variation. When my mom was a kid, the first thing her mother would do when she got home was turn off the radio. Then one day my mother and her sisters decided to see what Grandma would do if the radio was already off. Grandma turned it on, then demanded to know who turned the radio on. * Believe it or not, this HotBlooded troper was so annoyed at his friends insistance in borrowing money, that he fell for it ''completely''. ---> Just give me a fiver and I'll return it tomorrow! ---> Hell no! ---> Was that a yes? ---> No! ---> Yes! ---> No! ---> Yes! ---> No! ---> Yes! ---> No! ---> No! ---> Yes! ---> No! ---> '''YES''', goddamit! *Reaches into the wallet and slaps a fiver onto the desk* Here's the-AH, SCREW YOU!

---> Love you too~. * Happened a few times to this troper with her guy friend. Most notable one was when we were arguing whether our U.S. History teacher's picture of him during the Changing of the Wreath at D.C. or mine were better. --->My picture of you is better --->No, his is better --->Mine's better --->No --->Yes --->No **And it kept going for the rest of the school day. *This troper experimented a variation, by a very smart person: --->#1: I heard it was pretty crowded-What time did you have dinner last night?? --->Me: It was about 8 p.m., right?? --->#2: Nah, about 9 --->Me: Dude, it was 8 --->#2: No, it was 9 --->Me: 8 --->#2: 9 --->Me: 8 --->#2: 9 --->Me: 8! --->#2: 9! --->Me: 8!! --->#2: 10!! --->Me: IT WAS AT 9 P.M., GODDAMMIT!!!!! --->#2: (*to #1*) you see?? --->Me: (*facepalm*) * This troper did it with his ex-fiancee once as a way of settling the same "Yes!" "No!" type argument we'd been having for about a year and a half at that point. It only works once though, because after that we were both too wary about having it pulled on us. Also, both of us managed to pull off the "Uh-huh!" "Nuh-huh!" version of this on each other, where after a certain point you just lose track of which sound you're supposed to be making. * This troper has found this worked very well on his three-year old son... the first few times. The kid caught on pretty quickly. *My friend tried pulling this on me once when we were having a random argument in the library: -->'''Friend''': Yes! -->'''Me''': No! -->'''Friend''': Yes! -->'''Me''': No! -->'''Friend''': No! -->'''Me''': *pauses, eyelid twitches in frustration* You do know that doesn't work on me? *This troper was having an argument with a friend over who's better in Reborn, Yamamoto or Ryohei. --> '''Me:''' I'm tellin' ya, Ryohei's better. --> '''Friend:''' No, he's not.

--> '''Me:''' Yes he is. --> '''Friend:''' Not. --> '''Me:''' Is. --> '''Friend:''' Not. --> '''Me:''' Not. --> '''Friend:''' Is. --> '''Me:''' Glad we're in agreement. --> '''Friend:''' ...[[YouBastard You bastard.]] * As I recall, the accepted response to being fooled by this is to say, "Well, you changed your mind first, so I win." * Me and my (maryland) friend did this in a battle of time --> Me: 12! --> Friend 3! --> Me: 12! --> Friend 3! --> Me: 12! --> Friend 3! --> Me: 3! --> Friend: *pauses for a bit* 3, I win! Return to DuckSeasonRabbitSeason here. **No don't. **Yes, go. *** Don't! *** Do not ''not'' go back. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DuctTapeForEverything * Imagine duct tape. Take off the shiny so it's an easy-to-rip cloth tape. It's called Gaff Tape, and it's THE go-to tape in this troper's Drama department. A flat broke? Gaff Tape. Loose wires? Gaff Tape. Want to spell something out in big letters? Gaff Tape. * The unofficial motto for this troper's boy scout troop is "Duct tape fixes everything." Yes, we have fixed a tire with duct tape. * This troper held his last laptop together with duct tape (casing came apart) ** [[PentiumMMX2 I've]] done the same thing ** [[@/{{Yarrunmace}} This troper's]] done something similar with regular tape and a laptop battery. * This troper has attached a door handle back on her car, patched a hole in her riding boot, temporarily repaired a fence post, and secured her window air conditioner with the help of duct tape and not much else. I keep a roll of it in my car at all times, and two more in the garage/house. * This troper once managed to successfully repair a broken printed circuit board with the stuff. Seriously. I did it as a joke, and was surprised as all hell when it actually worked. To this day, I've never quite figured out how I did it, though I do have a few working theories. I've never had it happen again, but really, I don't try very

often. * This troper used to buy supercheap canvas shoes and triple or quadruple their usable life by applying duct tape whenever they started to fall apart. That left me more money to buy [=DVDs=], such as ''FromDuskTillDawn'', in which Richie bandages his wounded hand '''with duct tape'''. ** My father actually did this. He was out clearing a path through the woods with a machete he made from a ''lawn mower blade''. [[MacGyver Guess what his nickname is]]. The blade bounced off a tree and hit the meat of his thumb, splitting his hand open. Any sane person would try and bandage it up as best they could and get to the hospital to have it stitched up, but no. Not [[BadassNormal my dad]]. He uses duct tape and medical cotton to ''tape up his hand'' and ''keeps on going''. Yeah. He laughs about it today. *** I'll try to guess his nickname: "Lefty"? *** (Is assuming the dad is right-handed) [[FridgeLogic How do you hit the hand you're using?]] *** Sling Blade? *** Lawn mower blades have two sharp ends. Long as you don't hit something too hard, it should work, although it's an accident waiting to happen... * This troper is currently on the tech crew for high school plays and I can honestly say that we use duct tape and gaffer tape (which can be described as super duct tape) for pretty much everything. And I do mean everything. ** I think that ^^^ might actually be me. On our crew, the standard response to anything is "Gaff tape." Bandages, holding lights in place, covering paint splotches on stage, attaching a mic to an actor... ** The liberal use of duct tape was a Running Gag in [[{{Prioris}} this troper's]] high school theatre productions - such that the technical crew members would distinguish themselves from stagehands by applying a strip of duct tape somewhere easily visible on their clothing. * Ask my dad. He's practically [[TheRedGreenShow Red Green]]. We have duct tape keeping our screen in the screen door. God, as if we weren't rednecks enough... * TroperTales: I own a hat (vaguely resembling a fedora) which I made from one. ** Abbey? Is that you? * I always carry a roll with me as well. It's part of my [[CrazyPrepared Macgyver Kit]]. * TroperTales: In high school one of my friends once volunteered to let a bunch of girls hog-tie him with duct tape. He got rather uncomfortable with the situation when he found he couldn't get out of it. Don't ask my why this occurred, I don't know. * TroperTales: this troper has heard from a reliable source that when in the middle of nowhere, the source's rear axle on his car broke. The source then used three or four rolls of '''duct tape''' to '''hold the axle together long enough for the car to reach the next town.''' * This troper's chemistry binder broke...and the boy across from her pulled a roll of duct tape out of his bag. End result, her whole class

went around with duct-tape binders for ''months''. Also, she knows a girl who participated in the duct-tape prom-dress challenge. * The most terrifying thing this troper has ever seen was a maintenence worker walking quickly down a hall, carrying nothing but several rolls of duct tape, with a ''very'' serious expression on his face. At a hospital. That he was a patient at. * This Troper has used gaffer AND duct tape to temporarily bandage cuts and scrapes while working on a show. Including a bad scrape incurred from crawling under a riser to retrieve a roll of gaffer tape. * Someone at my school once made shoes out of duct tape and wore them all week. It was disgusting how dirty they got. * I met a guy on a fencing course whose entire kit was held together with duct tape. Halfway through the week, the sole of his only pair of shoes fell off. Duct tape. * This Troper once used duct tape to cover one of his textbooks and chrome automotive duct tape to cover another. Both took serious abuse but showed no damage when the cover was removed.(The tape was doubled over so there was no adhesive touching the books.) * [[{{chitoryu12}} This troper]] had an [[{{InvertedTrope}} inversion]] with Ryan, a techie on his production of ''Annie''. Ryan was addicted to duct tape, but rather than using it to fix up everything that broke during the production, he would damage stuff with it, including sticking electrical tape on people (the most expensive brand in the closet) and leaving it littered on the floor, putting strips of Glo-Tape on the props so they had glowing outlines when the lights were off, taping up the sound crew's lamp head to keep light from shining through the casing and disturbing the audience (the tape melted to the plastic lamp head and required replacement, as well as burning the tech head's hand when he tried to remove it), and finally getting caught in the middle of covering a stool with tape just because it was there. Of course, he continued his problems by stealing partially-used batteries from the microphone packs and never being around to pull the mid-curtain, but that's a tale for another time. ** ... Why did this guy even have a job? Was he a [[BunnyEarsLawyer Bunny Ears Techie]], so good at his job that his quirks were ignored? Or was the theater just that desperate for techies? * This troper has an old Super Soaker held together with duct tape. He also taped a wadded-up tissue to his hand over a blister because regular band-aids kept falling off (although eventually I just used a bigger regular band-aid and that worked). * [[NotSoBadassLongcoat This troper]] fashioned two belt loops from duct tape and stuck them to the nylon sheath to carry his knife sideways on his belt. * After a crash which damaged my motorcycle, I managed to tape the lights, fairings and exhaust back together well enough to ride home safely. Also used it to seal cuts until they could be properly bandaged. Duct tape goes everywhere with me. * When this troper worked at his university theater, a coworker lectured me on the virtues of duct tape. Apparently, said coworker, who had long, narrow feet that were difficult to find shoes for, was

in a play. Naturally, the costume designer couldn't find shoes for him, and since this was ''Man of La Mancha'', his own shoes weren't appropriate to the setting. Duct tape shoes, on the other hand, apparently were. * Example and subversion: When this troper and her middle school friend were building any sort of collaberative project, one could tell who built what parts - the friend used duct tape for ''everything'', this troper used hot glue for ''everything''. If something broke? Duct tape or hot glue, respectively. ** This troper has, however, used duct tape as an impromptu archery glove to keep the feathers from shredding her hand. * This troper now keeps a roll of duct tape in her pencil case. She's also made a facebook group with the trope name. * This troper tends to use electrical tape for everything, due to the lack of sticky residue. He did, however, attempt to fix the rearview mirror in his mother's car with duct tape and superglue. (It failed.) * During a school camping trip in middle school, the thing that held the tent poles together was lost. A teacher and I became the heroes when he fashioned a new one out of a stick and duct tape, the tape was provided by me. ** This troper did something similar on a recent camping trip, although the poles were just odds and ends of some old folding washing lines. They survived better than the poles made of old shower-door surrounds (which tended to fold in high wind). * This troper once walked to his cousin's house with prank materials in hand when I suddenly had this urge to jump across this ditch that was on the way. Cue my right shoe's sole undoing the front half upon landing. It was a good thing my plans involved duct tape or I'd have been walking funny the rest of the way. * [[{{hayati}} This troper]] Made Shoes out of duct tape, and wore them to school. want pics? [[http://lordhayati.deviantart.com/art/Duct-tape-Shoes-152449843 Here ya go! ^_^]] -wobbles- They were pretty durable, although they make your feet sweat really fast. * This Troper was declared Dr. Duct-tape after his successful reconstruction of a ''Futon'' using nothing but duct tape, it held for six months before a friend sat on it a little ''too'' hard. * While in the process of moving, This Troper accidentally slashed his wrist open and looked for a way to patch it up. According to what his mother heard, and from the ensuing week that followed, duct tape can be VERY handy if you're lacking stitches. ** [[LukeTheDudeDuke I]] can support that claim too, having used duct tape on wounds sustained in places where bandages aren't readily available. But its brilliance at staunching wounds is somewhat undermined by its complete lack of sterility. As a result, it's best to use it as a way of patching yourself up until you can get medical attention. ** Finns don't call it Jesustape for nothing. * This troper had to rely duct tape to hold his German Army boot together which was in the process of losing its sole during a heavy metal open air festival. Bring duct tape with you when visiting a festival, you'll earn a lot of favours (as well as copious amounts of

beer) from your fellow campers. ** This troper can attest to the effectiveness of that. A friend once broke his sandal on the first day of a two-week camping trip, and held his shoes together with duct tape for the rest of the trip. Granted, he did go barefoot for the entirety of the last two days, but that was his choice. The shoes did not break. * In 8th grade, this troper had to design and build a catapult for science class. The catapult made it to the finals, but the ring that attached the big-ass spring to the catapult's arm broke loose and was destroyed, rendering the device incapable of firing. Guess what this troper used to reattach the spring? * An oft-retold story belonging to this troper's former camp bunkmate partially subverts this by showing that even such a universally useful item can be bungled. -->"Duct tape is good for ''fixing things''! Whoever did the duct tape job on the tent ''needs to go sit in the corner''!" ** What did they do? Tape the "door" shut? * This troper's grandfather enjoyed woodworking. One day while planing some boards for a new cabinet, he sliced his finger in half along the length. He DUCT TAPED it back together, and six weeks later his finger was fine. Never went to the doctor. ** What! [[YourHeadASplode *Boom*]] ** Never underestimate the human HealingFactor ** BadassGrandpa for the win! * Obligatory Band Camp example: this troper has seen duct tape (along with Saran Wrap) used for taping absolutely ''everything'' to ''everything''. Sleeping people to their bunks? Check. Trousers to the ceiling? Check. Bundling everything a roommate owned into his suitcase, securing it to his mattress with duct tape, and then using copious amounts of duct tape, Saran wrap, parachute cord, and the combined skills of two Eagle Scouts, to hoist everything - including the mattress - onto the rafters, whereupon everything was layered again with Saran wrap and [[RuleOfThree duct tape]]? ''Oh hell yes, check!'' * This troper's old roommate is Mr. Duct Tape. If there's even a minor chance it can be used, he's using it. Wrapping presents? Use three rolls! Couch falling apart? Another 4 rolls! Need a last-minute gift for somebody? It comes in multiple colors now! * When some idiot left a gardening tool of some sort in the street, this troper saw it too late to avoid, and it punched a hole in the oil pan of his car. He patched the hole with duct tape, added a can of oil to replace ''some'' of what'd been lost, and drove to a shop for proper repairs. The mechanics said the duct-tape patch was so good, the car could've lasted for some time as it was. * [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]] ''always, always'' carries around a knife to cut what must be in two pieces, and duct tape to hold what must be in one piece. Last time he used duct tape was to hold a falling panel in his old car while on the way to the repair shop. * I've seen photo essays and instructions of how to make a wallet out of duct tape. Only recently did I actually SEE ONE IN PERSON! The guy said someone made that for him back when he was ten years old (and he looked to be late teens now, well past old enough to drive.)

* A friend of [[{{Belle-Mage}} this troper]] had her shoe fall apart. Guess what we fixed it with? To this day, the legend of 'Grace's Space Shoe' lives on... ** Due to being a broke college student, this troper has resorted to the same thing. I have a pair of sandals that are almost fifty-percent bright pink duct tape. * [[{{KamuiValentine}} This troper's]] final physics project was to build a boat of cardboard and duct tape. She is proud that her boat for her and her friend took over a minute for eight guys on the Lacrosse team to sink in the demolition derby. She still has her '{{Badass}} [[{{AxisPowersHetalia}} Nordic]] Paddle' as her parents have encouraged her to take it to college for a dorm decoration. On a related note she now wears duct tape as a bracelet or other accessory, she's fixed her laptop, and her mom's pants with it thus far. * this troper has always wanted to make a boat out of duct tape ever since he say the mythbusters do it. * [[Tropers/{{arcana07}} My dad]] worked as a building maintenance supervisor for a complex which included an older, somewhat decaying building (though no one who visited could've known). He joked around that everything behind the scenes (plumbing, duct work, steam pipes, etc.) was held together with duct tape. But in all seriousness, he had a deep affection for duct that that resulted in his leaving us (my mom and I) several rolls of the stuff after he passed away. It's been seven years now and we're still working our way through the stash. * This Troper is currently working on a way to make plausible duct tape armor. The prototype is resistant to blades, blunt force, and ,theoretically, low-caliber bullets. * This troper subverted this; she noticed that her DSLite casing was cracked near the hinge, so she sealed it with duct tape. It held for a while, but eventually failed, and she replaced the duct tape many times as the crack got bigger and bigger until a chip finally fell off. By this point, this troper had given up on using duct tape so she just threw the chip away and played the DS as it was. * One of this Troper's friends has a T-shirt with a picture of a roll of duct tape and the caption "Ductapo Ergo Sum" (CanisLatinicus for "I duct tape, therefore I am). * Tired of carrying my Nerf arsenal by hand, this troper built a holster and a sheath mostly from the wire from a spiral notebook and lots of duct tape. * [[{{TechnoDragon64}} This Troper]] knows a guy who once made out of duct tape a wallet and a trenchcoat a couple years back. Neither are still in his possession as far this troper knows. * Saw a car this morning with its front windshield, right mirror, and fender all held in place with duct tape. * This troper's school theatre has a tradition of duct-taping a freshman in the cast to the wall at the beginning of the play and timing how long it takes for them to fall off. * This troper is writing what can essentially be called an original CrackFic, in which the heroes and villains come with a few absurd powers and themes. In their world, the most powerful force in the world ([[JesusWasWayCool besides Jesus, of course]]) ''is'' duct tape. Or at least, that's what everyone thinks. There are bad guys who have

duct tape as their power, actually. -->'''[[DishingOutDirt Josh]]''': Man, [[EvilIsCool how come we can't have kickass powers like that?]] -->'''[[MakingASplash David]]''': Because [[NoFourthWall the author]] [[RageAgainstTheAuthor sucks]], that's why! ** Needless to say, there have been some, well, [[PowerPerversionPotential creative]] uses for this power: -->'''[[LittleMissSnarker Julia]]''': It's a bra! [[TentacleRope It's a rope!]] No, [[NaughtyTentacles it's frickin' trying to molest me!]] * This Troper has a wallet that's been in his possession for around ten years, has been lost twice, run over three times, and generally mistreated. It is now more than 50% Duct Tape. My bag also had several gashes and tears in it that were simply taped over and is now 20% tape. It will eventually devolve into having all my possessions taped over. * this troper always has duct tape with him at all times. if he's not able to carry a full roll he'll carry several meters wrapped around a pen. and has used it for everything from emergency repairs for tools to emergency first aid (after slicing his hand open ripping apart an old computer learning to NEVER GRAB A WIRE FIXED TO THE CASE AND JUST PULL!) * In physics class we had to build homes to withstand hurricane conditions. I went out and built a dome out of popsicle sticks. I had to wrap it in something so I wrapped it in duct tape. It would've won had I remembered to include a bottom. It was supposed to stay in place for eight seconds I only reached seven. * This troper made a case for her 3DS out of duct tape and cardboard at summer camp, because she was worried about the other kids in the dorm damaging it accidentally. It survived a twelve-year-old falling on it. ---Guess what's holding [[DuctTapeForEverything this link]] together? ---<<|TroperTales|>> )

DudeLooksLikeALady * I knew a boy from chorus who was very...not masculine, shall we say. It wasn't that he was in the chorus- there was a ton of us- but maybe it had to do with his skinny jeans, peaked face, waist-length hair, floral print, pink backpack, and Ugg boots (no, not the kind that are men's shoes, but honest-to-god Uggs, the kind my sister has). Needless to say, I was so surprised when I saw him standing at a urinal in the bathroom. * An extremely odd example: I have a clearly masculine figure and facial structure, and a moderately deep voice. The only feminine thing about my appearance is my hair, which reaches to just above my shoulders; yet even that is pretty boyish, since it's the kind of frizzy mess that any lady would straighten out ASAP. And yet, just the other day in Gym class, I was standing near two other guys, one of whom was boasting about how good his jump-rope skills were. He

remarked, "Seriously, I'll score better on this test than (''points to friend'') you, or (''points to random guy'') him, or (''points to random girl'') her, or even (''points to me'') ''her''!" It took him about ten seconds to realize he'd made a mistake. * Due to this troper's facial structure and dress sense of tight clothing which create a womanly figure (apparently) he has been mistaken for a woman quite frequently. His friends have said he looks like La Roux's Elly Jackson, but with blonde hair. * A variant: Apparently, this troper ''sounds'' like a girl when he talks on the telephone; telemarketers invariably assume that he is female. ** Another troper's husband tends to have this problem, which just adds a little fuel to his (already passionate) loathing of telemarketers. ** [[{{Nitramy}} This troper]] also has a very girly telephone voice, where most customer service agents automatically assume the person on the other line is a girl. (Once, someone even asked for my number! I was this close to [[DroppedABridgetOnHim disclose my gender]].) ** As well, this troper is often mistaken for her father over the phone. * [[Tropers/NewNumberOrder This troper]] started growing a beard because of this. ** [[Tropers/ArtFever You're not alone.]] * Rather quirky variant: [[ManCalledTrue this troper]] has had to convince people online that he's a guy (this wouldn't happen in real life as he has a mustache). Apparently he types feminine... ** Throughout puberty, THIS troper was frequently mistaken for his mother whenever he answered the phone. From neighbours to family members, no less. It doesn't help that he still keeps his hair uncut whenever he's not required to. * It happened to [[DarkSoldier this troper]], who has ''distinctive facial hair''. How could it happen then, you ask? Well, he's also got very long hair, and the guy who called him "{{Maam}}" said so from behind him. He still maintains that it [[RetCon didn't actually happen that way]]; he didn't say "Ma'am," but "Man." ** Same here. A friend got asked by an old woman whether this troper was his girl-friend. Also, he was repeatedly adressed as Mademoiselle in French restaurants. You'd think the 'artists' nation' France would be immune against this trope... * This troper when he had long lair, had a picture of himself that was mistaken for a girl. Not so bad in itself, but 1) these were close friends making the error, and 2) he was ''right there for comparison.'' * One of this troper's best friends really looked like a girl in our first year of high school. We became friends because I was the only person in the class with the balls to ask him the question on EVERYBODY's mind: ''Dude, are you a boy or a girl?'' This was of course, before Roll call, upon which we learned he had a very masculine name: Benjamin. * This troper's ''younger brother'' gets this all the time, due to his longer-for-a-boy hair. Honestly, she doesn't understand how that works; he rarely brushes it, so it's a mess of unfeminine tangles, and

his ''voice'' is definitely male. Still, 95% of the time when she and he are out in public, they get referred to as "girls". * [[SpiriTsunami I'm told that I]] was often mistaken for a girl as a baby, despite my parents' efforts to dress me in very boyish outfits to get the point across. I still am often called "ma'am" by telemarketers. And, yeah, I probably come off as kind of feminine on the internet as well due to some misguided idea that guys aren't supposed to be romantics. (Though I came off as quite a novelty item at my local ''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Breaking Dawn]]'' midnight release party--a guy who ''wasn't'' dragged there by a girlfriend. It's a shame I didn't get any phone numbers while I was there...) I also have a fairly androgynous build--none of the typical masculine muscle, and the skin-and-bones build actually ''does'' create a slight curve to my hips. It is because of this that I absolutely refuse to shave now that I'm finally growing a decent beard. ** Shave the beard, and you're my perfect man. Except for the ''Breaking Dawn'' bit. (And [[{{Asexuality}} some minor details]], but really.) * This troper had a guy in her sixth-grade class who was growing his hair out for donation to Locks of Love. Sadly, at that age it can be difficult to tell, so I'm fairly certain that he got this all the time. It did not help that he went as a very convincing woman for Halloween... And then no one recognized him when he finally did cut his hair. * I have been mistaken for a woman on more than one occasion. I have mid-to-long hair almost to my shoulders and rather androgynous facial features. My build is almost completely free of muscle, adding to the feminine appearance. The only things that really kept me from being mistaken for a woman more often were my deep voice and height. I have begun to wear leather jackets and sunglasses a lot, keep my hair more dissheveled, and grow out stubble to avoid any possible confusion in the future. * I had mistaken my mail-man for a mail woman from a distance. * This troper once tried to grow his hair longer to change appearance for once. When that was done, despite his definitely unfeminine clothes, he had 2 guys on the street who tried to hit on him and commented on his ass. From then on, he shaved his hair and still keeps this hairstyle until today. * When this troper was around a year of age, my parents took me in to a department store for pictures. In the elevator, one of the other people looked into the stroller and said, "Oh, what an adorable little ''girl''!" My father immediately turned to my mother and said, "''He'' is getting a haircut as soon as we're done here." It was the fact that, at the time, my hair was very curly. Today, I have longer hair than my sister (and it's settled into "wavy/messy"). * My very fragile and smooth facial features, and the fact that I'm almost identical to my mother leads to very unusual situations...It was useful when I was a kid, but now that I'm 22...I just look like some weird lesbian... * This troper is mistaken for a girl... regularly. ''Regularly''. He has long hair (mid-back length, people), a {{Gender Blender Name}}, and, according to his friends, has a voice that sounds like a

prepubescent girl on helium, to say nothing of the fact that he acts kind of feminine. People point-blank reuse to believe him when he says that he IS, in fact, a guy. ** FetishFuel. Especially if you'd add to that that you're not fat. I'm female and straight, by the way. * Bizarrely, this used to happen to this troper's ''dog''. Yes, he was rather pretty looking for a male dog but he hadn't been for a certain trip to the vets so it wasn't like there was a lack of evidence. The fact that someone maintained that he was a girl after they'd seen him lying on his back moves it into wall banger territory. * This Troper had this problem from grade 8 to 10 when he was growing out his hair. I even had a new guy hit on me once (causing the other guys to laugh thier asses off, incidently I replied, "Wrong Team Dude." with a very unfeminine voice) and was mistaken for a girl when shopping for shoes. Worst part is I didn't look like a girl at all, I was and still am a Fat Ass. * This Troper had this problem from the back,but the goaty and mustache help. * In a rare (?) female version, I get mistaken for a guy when I'm on the phone. Any telemarketer asking if they're talking to my father's son get a very pointed response that in fact they're talking to his daughter. ** [[{{TroperTales/Bifauxnen}} Different trope]], honey. * This troper has a high voice (high enough to sound like a woman on the phone), [[OlderThanTheyLook a babyface]] and a few [[NonActionGuy rather girly mannerisms]]. The only thing saving me from looking like a [[FetishFuel fat girl]] is my short hair; it also doesn't help that I hate having a beard and will shave it whenever I get a chance. * This troper knows a girl named Blaze, who he was thoroughly convinced was a boy. He didn't believe she was a girl until several teachers referred to her as such. She even joined the boys whenever our gym class was divided up by gender. * This troper is constantly being mistaken for a girl, so much so that I stopped caring, hell I even respond in a girly voice, mostly for the laughs, and partly because it makes me feel pretty. * This troper regularly sees someone that fits this trope to a T while waiting for the bus to college. It wasn't until she eventually heard him speak that she finally realised that he was actually a guy. * This troper's mother relayed a story from her workplace, where she's often the first person that a customer sees when they enter the store. A customer came into the store with a faulty electronic item and wanted to speak to the person he'd talked to on the phone, and said he'd spoken to a woman. Cue mother calling up the only woman working that department on that day, and finding out that she hadn't dealt with anyone with that problem at all. The only other person on the department... a six-foot plus bloke with a very deep voice. The customer was advised not to mention that he'd mistaken him for a woman. * Due to my long hair, I usually get this treatment, although it's died down recently. * When this troper was a ''sex worker'', of all things, he had to deal with the occasional john who suspected he was secretly a woman with

his hair cut short, a la TippingTheVelvet. * A friend put [[KrazehPenguin This (male) Troper's]] hair in a pony tail, and a guy he knew came up from behind and asked his other friend "Who is that girl?" This Troper turns towards him, and he starts laughing. This, being the most notable time. People meeting This Troper for the first time also have a tendency to think he's girl because of his long hair, he also never wears shorts, so you can't see his leg hair, and also gets rid of facial hair immediantly. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial It's not like This Troper's trying to look like a girl or anything.]] * My boyfriend often gets this, especially on synth music festivals and the like, when he wears makeup. On a recent occasion of that kind, some guy I'd talked to during a concert a little while back walked up to me and said, "I was talking to your ... girlfriend?" Cue said "girlfriend" showing up, and cue embarrassment when he started talking and the other guy realized that the "girlfriend" was in fact a guy. Other Guy must have been pretty drunk or something, though, since he'd been talking to "her" while waiting outside ''the men's room.'' * This troper has long hair, and has been mistaken for a girl several times while at work. The fact that the company dress code doesn't allow shorts for some stupid, fascist reason doesn't help (They'd get the hint once they saw his hairy-ass legs). Nor does the fact that he remains clean-shaven and can't grow much facial hair beyond a mustache and a goatee. It's usually old people who make this mistake (Considering that they lived through the '60s [Because of the hippies], you'd think they'd know better), but he's even gotten this from YOUNGER GUYS. It makes him want to beat the piss out of them. * This troper has been mistaken for a girl several times, his voice being the only truly definitely masculine thing about him. He doesn't mind, though, since he finds it highly amusing. * This troper, and he loves it. Strangely enough, he's asexual. * This troper is frequently served first in restaurants. Long blonde hair and poor posture will do that apparently. Fortunately, looking them in the eye and/or speaking clears things up quickly. * There was a guy at school with long hair and kids and teachers kept making fun of him by saying he looked like a girl. Didn't help when he wore two pigtails during spirit week. Though, he got his hair cut like a normal guy and everybody was in utter shock and couldn't even tell that it was the same person. * Just today, in fact, [[HappyFork this troper]]'s World History teacher told the class a story of how a former (male) student of hers was mistaken by some random person to be his girlfriend from behind. Needless to say, HilarityEnsues. The next day he had much shorter hair. * This troper apparently sounds quite female on the phone, however due to an ear condition thing he can't really tell if that's a logical connection or not. Based on recordings my voice sounds deep. :O * [[PhoenixOasis This troper]] once weighed in at 110lbs, is just over 5 feet tall, and has HartmanHips. As in, his waist was 28 inches whilst his hips were 36 inches. Used to have a ponytail almost to his waist. Met one of his friends when he asked another friend, "Who's the hot chick bent over the pool table?" This troper now weighs

substantially more, has short hair and has a goatee. However, when he wore makeup to work on Halloween, his boss remarked, "Holy crap, man, you're beautiful!" ** [[PhoenixOasis This troper]] here again. I'm feeling either brave, [[BuffySpeak exhibitionisty]] or masochistic, but a pic can be found [[http://www.stumbleupon.com/mainpics/2961695.jpg here.]] Don't worry, it's totally innocuous. And it's a few years old. *** [[EngagingConversation Marry me.]] * This troper knew a kid in junior high who wore his hair down to his waist. He was often mistaken for a girl from the back (this troper mistook him for one even from the front). * [[{{Liangnui]] I]] have a story where the main character is routinely mistaken for a small, flat-chested girl by practically everyone who hasn't met him before. This happens to be his BerserkButton, and strangers are quickly corrected when his voice drops about three octaves, he gets GlowingEyesOfDoom, and starts wrecking the scenery. His girlfriend, meanwhile, [[{{Bifauxnen}} looks a lot like a 13-year-old boy]]. * This Troper is occasionally confused for a woman from behind. Especially when I'm walking into the bathroom. It gets funnier considering I'm rather large, with a giant goatee and a ridiculously deep voice. I guess it's my mid-back length hair. The look on people's faces when I turn around and say "I'm a guy" in a voice three octaves below theirs is totally worth it though. * This Troper is about 6'0 135lbs,has very long,thick wavy black hair and is routinely mistaken for a woman.The most recent time being last week (and by a border guard who was even holding my passport lol). He finds it especially funny when big, burly, manly men call him honey or offer him a drink.He doesn't mind he just takes it as a sign that he's pretty :p * This Troper used to have very long wavy hair that had many women very jealous. Not supprisingly, I was mistaken for a girl quite often especially because I hate facial hair and have a rather thin body. However this particular situation takes the cake. I was serving at a soup kitchen with my ''boy-scout troop'' when this one lady comes up to be and says "Thank you so much for doing this; '''God bless you, little girl.'''" Not suprisingly, that line became (and likely still will be until they know I cut my hair) MemeticMutation within the troop. * The only way This Troper is not mistaken as a woman (and constantly propositioned by chubby chasers) is if he gets a buzz cut or grows facial hair. The latter takes a few months and the former, This Troper refuses to do anymore. To make it worse, This Troper also insists on using shampoo that is marketed towards women and lavendar soap. Also, likely due to hormone levels (normal for a WOMAN This Troper's age), he sounds like a woman, too. This Troper's favorite part of this is when another guy walks in on him in the men's room, checks the sign, and then warily walks in. It's frocking hilarious. * This troper has a semi-fictional example. Her younger brother believes that Edrear from {{Bizenghast}} is female and will not listen to any evidence of the contrary. * This troper ''thinks'' that the very pretty guy in her math class

is, in fact, a guy, but isn't sure, especially after mistaking him for a girl the first time she saw him. * This troper has never been mistaken for a woman face to face, but thanks to my high-pitched voice (I sing first tenor in choir) and GenderBlenderName, I often get addressed as "Ma'am" on the phone. Then there's my friend, who has long (mid-back length) red hair and a relatively slight build. He was once persuaded to participate in a cross-dressing event for a charity fundraiser, and his two sisters took great glee in picking out makeup and a dress for him. During the event, he overheard a couple of women talking behind his back (literally -- they couldn't see his face) saying, "What's ''she'' doing there? That's where the guys in drag are supposed to be standing!" When he turned around and spoke to them in his normal voice, one of them was so shocked she actually screamed. * [[Tropers/PentiumMMX2 This troper]], when he was younger, always kept his hair long (Still much shorter than my sister, but longer than any other boy my age, who all had crew cuts); because of that, many people though I was a girl back then. It was to the point that I could have [[WholesomeCrossdresser worn one one of my sister's dresses]] and nobody would have though anything of it (To be honest, I probably would have tested this had I been allowed to). * This troper is often mistaken for a lady ONLY because of his hair, which goes down to the bottom of his neck. I had a guy grab my ass when I was waiting for my girlfriend inside of a woman's store because he though I was his girlfriend due to the hair and skinny jeans (never wore them again, probably because of this). * My family has an extensive history of traveling, so my uncle purchased his sons a flight log each. The eldest one went to Singapore when he was 7 and when the Captain signed his log, he wrote "Your daughter very pretty". * This Troper is almost entirely androgynous apart from his voice. This leads to invariable confusion. I have alopecia (look it up), but not on my head, so hairlessness on my arms, legs and chest don't really help. * [[{{Tropers/PasswordForgettingTroper}} This Troper]] has been mistaken for a girl by almost everyone his entire life, in fact recently when he met a friend's mom she immediately assumed I was another (male)friends girlfriend. And when he went to the local music shop to buy a guitar with his father (he knows all the employees so came with to get the 'friends price') the desk clerk a twentysomething girl asked him if I was his daughter. Strangely though on the phone people always assume I'm a man in his late twenties. * A side note, when I was in third grade one of my best friends who I had known since the first day of kindergarten, told me he thought I would be "really hot" if I were a girl, though being we were nine at the time it was probably innocent, and when I was at another friend's birthday party one of the guests told me he thought I had "sexy eyes" which became a running joke throughout the night, usually in the form of, -->'''Friend''': "Everybody's hungry, where should we eat?" -->'''Me''': "How about [=McDonalds=]?" -->'''Friend''': "Nahh."

-->'''Me''': "Look into my eyes and say that." -->'''Everyone Laughs''' ** Also another time when I and the friend whose birthday party it was ran into him and his girlfriend at Walmart the friend told his girlfriend he wished he had hair like mine. * This troper's brother got confused TWICE at the same music festival one or two years back, for being a girl. He has short hair, which is also longer than mine, which probably explains why he was confused by my dad's friend. * This female troper was out dancing with a friend one night and spotted a ''gorgeous'' girl. She was tall, with curly brown hair down to her back, delicate face, and absolutely tearing up the dance floor. I was working up the nerve to go talk to her when my friend took it upon himself...something that worked out for the best, since it turned out my sexy lady was a sexy, androgynous man. Also gay, or I would've been happily hitting that. * just the other day, this troper was talking to (and, let's not lie, hitting on) an individual who, for all the world, appeared to be a very pretty female; as in looked it, dressed like it, and had a feminine (if slightly deeper) voice. it was only afterward that this (mostly) straight male troper was informed that the young lady he'd been conversing with was, in fact, a young man. ah well. i'd still go on a date with him. * This troper is mistaken for female quite often, even though I only have dirty-blond hair past my ears and a very deep voice. However it is usually from the back I am mistaken, which may be on account a black leather jacket I always were, which because of my short upper body gives me a slight hourglass figure if zipped all the way up * This troper is occasionally mistaken for female when seated, due to his long curly and cared-for hair and being skinny. Some people have even needed to ask while talking to him. * This troper was barely 115lbs at age 18, and had mid-back length hair. He was often mistaken for a girl before talking... (His voice is a deep bass) * This troper seems to be it, according to his Yaoi Fangirl friends. I've got very curvy hips, a thin build, a round face and plump lips, and long hair. Just to make things even more hilariously perfect, I'm a male-preferring bisexual. * This troper in sixth and seventh grade. Never cut my hair and it was all the way down my back, and since this was before/during early puberty and I was pretty fair skinned it was a common occurrence. I donated it to Locks of Love before 8th grade started, and am considering growing it out again because it ''was'' actually some really sexy hair, slightly curly at the end and nice and soft. * This troper has shaggy hair, large eyes, and, apparently, very red lips. Even when wearing reasonably masculine clothes (I generally don't, but whatever), everyone just assumes I'm a [[{{Pettanko}} Pettanko]]. Everyone compliments my boyfriend on his pretty girlfriend when we're in public. [[LampshadeHanging This is part of the reason I'm into]] [[WholesomeCrossdresser crossdressing.]] * This MTF troper (no transitioning) was mistaken for FTM by another transwoman at a Day of Remembrance vigil. Coupled with the fact that

I've been "mistaken" for a girl when presenting male. Example: "Daddy, why does that lady have a mustache?" * [[{{glodraz}} This troper]] has been mistaken for a girl on several occasions, until they hear my [[{{VocalDissonance}} voice]] * {{Subverted}} with this troper. How? Well, I have [[LongHairIsFeminine waist-length hair]] and have been told on several occasions that it makes me look like a girl. The people telling me this apparently didn't realise that [[{{Bifauxnen}} I am, in fact, a girl]]. * [[@/OhNoes I've got]] a rather long history of this, usually because of my skinny jeans. When people hear me talk, however, it's evident that I'm a male. On one occasion, whilst swaddled in a huge kneelength jacket, the couple I rushed by on my way into school muttered, "Is that a guy or a girl?" All they really saw was a black-clad blur with skinny jeans and long hair, so I guess it was acceptable. A year or so prior to that, my female friends manage to get a waist-down-only video of me, in skinny jeans, wearing my then-girlfriend's bright blue shoes. The fact that they were tiny on me gave me an unorthodox gait, and in the video, ''I'' thought I was looking at a girl walk. * This female Troper goes nuts for men like this. Unfortunately, I have only met one in my life - and he was bullied rather viciously for it, despite his incredible niceness. * This Troper keeps getting mistaken for a girl on Omegle.Pranks ensue. ---DudeLooksLikeALady is back that way, Ma'am. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DudeNotFunny * This troper is a member of [[{{Geeks}} anime-fansclub in college]]. Once, he was abused by his girlfriend (which result in a messy break up and nasty shoulder injury), his friend's reaction? Made us watch ''ZeroNoTsukaima'' on the clubroom...[[ForTheEvulz JUST SO THEY COULD PULL A COMPARISON AND LAUGH AT ME]]. [[UnderStatement This Troper is NOT amused]]... ** Wow. That was a dick move... ** I still say he deserves worse! To the OP, I HOPE YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND THAT'S EVEN MORE ABUSIVE! AbuseIsOkayWhenItIsFemaleOnMale for a reason... *** [[SarcasmMode Because it was SO evil of him to be abused and he deserves SO much worse. Everyone knows women should be allowed to do everything short of murder as long as the target is male.]] Man, I sincerely hope you aren't a woman. *** It's payback for historical misogyny. PAYBACK! PAYBACK! AND PAYBACK! * This troper's sister, for the longest time, enjoyed making jokes about fetuses and eating fetuses. She also does a very inaccurate impersonation of him that even his parents hate. ** I don't know how to stop her impression, but the fetus thing? Is

she familiar with ''SilentHill3''? If not, I think you should try to cue up the scene before the final boss of that game on YouTube and show it to her... * This troper had a teacher that went to college in [[TheLaramieProject Fort Laramie]] around the time the infamous murder happened. Soon after it, a fraternity made a homecoming parade float making fun of it. This was the reaction of a lot of people, so much so that the fraternity has been forever banned from being part of the college. * A friend of this troper made fun of diabetes, on a mutual friend's Facebook page. My dad is diabetic. I was not amused. Worse, the mutual friend is also diabetic. Fifteen minutes later, the mutual friend and I arrived on the commenter's doorstep to deliver a massive "Dude, not funny" rant. ** This troper would also chew out [[DrMcNinja Christopher Hastings]] for [[http://drmcninja.com/archives/comic/3p24 making fun of diabetics]], provided I could actually talk to the man face-to-face. ...[[{{Understatement}} It's a bit of a sore spot.]] ** As a type 1 diabetic, I don't particularly mind my disease being made fun of near as much as the disease itself. If someone worked towards a cure while making fun of my disease, I would consider that preferable to telling no jokes about it but also doing nothing about it. ** Every time anyone makes a joke about "sweet enough to give you diabetes" [[{{Tropers/Katsuhagi}} I]] cringe since my mother and grandmother are and were [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latent_autoimmune_diabetes Type 1.5]] diabetics, and diabetes ''does not work that way''. Not to mention the number of people who think it's clever to suggest that my mom might not have gotten it if she lost some weight (which, for the record, is bullshit since that's not how Type 1.5 works, and my mom and grandmother are and were both very slender) especially since both have had complications that have been life-threatening, though at this point the technology is good enough that my mother now has very few problems, my grandmother was not so lucky. Try watching someone you love go into hypoglycemic shock and then tell me if diabetes is funny. * Protip: Never ever try to cheer up someone who is legitimately worried about the effects of a natural disaster by telling a joke. Just... don't. * [[{{@/Nakayama90}} This troper]] finds it absolutely unacceptable to joke about rape and other sexual offense and absolutely ''despises'' anyone who uses the subject matter as a source of humor. That includes those on message boards, etc. who use such terms as "sex offender" for their tagline and [[RapeAsComedy jokes about such issues]]. ** Same here. I find it kind of weird how I'm okay with death jokes and even dead baby jokes, but as soon as sexual offense or even sexism is involved, that goes past the level I can tolerate. ** Thirded. This (female) troper particularly hates it when sexism is viewed as okay against men. Sensitive around all types of sexism and rape but extra sensitive when it's against men... that doesn't count as sexism... I think. ** Averted. Despite being sexually harassed at a young age, this

troper is actually completely fine with comedy pertaining to [[{{RapeAsComedy}} touchy]] [[{{DeadBabyComedy}} subjects]]. * One time, while I was walking home with my crush (we happen to take the same route home), we found that there was a wooden fence that had fallen over for some reason. After I made an admittedly lame joke about how it may have been brought down by an angry person with a sledgehammer, she proceeded to joke that maybe a tsunami hit it. (Yes, this was a few days after the whole series of incidents in Japan.) After raising my voice at her never to joke about such things again (I [[{{ShrinkingViolet}} hardly ever raise my voice, especially at girls,]] so you can tell how shocked I was), she somewhat laughed and said "If you insist." Not only that, but after we have a brief conversation about the disaster, she proceeded to [[{{CrossesTheLineTwice}} talk about how she wishes the whole series of disasters happened to North Korea instead, so that Kim Jong Il would be killed.]] I have never heard such things from her before, so I guess it also added to my shock. Then again, it may be a sign that she likes me, as I also sometimes say weird things around her. ** Ok, I'm taking her. Seriously, she out-awesomed me on sadistic ideas. Nobody has ever done that. Where does she live? Because I'm taking her. *** She lives in Canada, so it may be a bit too far from you. Also, I think the reason she had those ideas is because she hung around me too much, but then again, I would never joke about what happened in Japan. I would, however, freely joke about dead babies. I guess I would say you have a rival on sadistic ideas. *** Why are the happenings in Japan worse than dead babies? You really need to explain that. * This troper has this reaction to when people make fun of the disabled or his own handwriting, which is a mess ''because'' of a disability, to the point that it has became a DudeNotFunny topic for a number of people I know. I would often share playful banter with people I know, including this one girl, who most jokes I had were directed at her taste in Music (She actually thought Friday was a good song) and movies (she likes Twilight and TheLastAirbender) but would refrain from being too mean as she would often complain that i'm 'evil' if I make a particularly dark joke. Then she made a very mean comment about my handwriting. Every Joke I make now directed at her is considerably meaner than I usually make them, and I now laugh when someone who also makes playful banter but isn't afraid to offend brings up her race into a Joke. An odd thing about them is that, for some reason, Taylor Swift is a DudeNotFunny for her. I once refferenced one of the WMG entries for the Country singer and she pretty much flipped out that I was making fun of her, despite all I was saying is she looks like an Elf from Lord of The Rings. ** Why is this person friends with you if you laugh at racist jokes directed toward them? I can understand the rest, but that's kind of a dick move. * For a long time through elementary and middle school, one of my friends was very overweight, and very sensitive about it. I knew not to mention it to him, but other people still made fun of him for his weight. When he entered the ninth grade, he began dieting and working

out in order to lose weight. About a year later, when he had improved his physical appearance significantly, another kid who my friend thought was his friend posted a picture of him from middle school on Facebook, when he was at his largest, and tagged him and a large number of people, including some girls he liked. To add insult to injury, this kid tagged things on the picture as well like "Left boob" and "Right boob" and "double chin". It really made my friend upset. I didn't think it was funny, and said so, but not everyone felt the same way, unfortunately. My friend has gotten better, though, and he's lost even more weight and built some muscle. * Averted with this troper. I have a brother with autism, and I find the song "Special Ed" by Stephen Lynch to be hilarious. I'm a little surprised when people do get offended when I mention it, especially the ones who don't know people with mental disabilities. ** Also averted with this troper, because I actually have autism (although in the form of a mild case of Asperger's syndrome). My sense of humor is very dark and I laugh at a lot of special ed jokes. *** Also averted for the MOST part with this troper (who also has mild Asperger's). I'm not objecting to the use of the joke "ass burgers" on occasion but do it frequently and that's a different matter. I won't joke about other people's conditions as such, but may joke lightly about an odd characteristic or two. * This troper will not joke about child abuse, full stop. Do so and you may find yourself booted out of Xbox Live Games/parties, or in the case of a person who said he would hurt my nephew, may be on the receiving end of a really hard kick to where the sun don't shine. ** [[SarcasmMode Because physical violence is the perfect retort to cheap and tasteless jokes.]] * This troper's brother once did something incredibly stupid. At the dinner table, when we were talking about dates on various cultures' calenders, and at one point, we talked about what the Muslims do. He blurted out, "I wouldn't date a muslim, people would think I'm a terrorist!" You can sort of guess what happened after that. * On one hand, averted with this tropette: I've had multiple relatives and friends who were mentally disabled, but no one in my family minds improper use of the word "retarded". (I avoid it in public, though.) On the ''other'' hand, jokes about domestic abuse, sexual abuse, or child abuse are '''not OK''', and God help you if you combine them in any form. ** Same tropette. Just learned that any situation in cartoons/comics about someone digging through someone else's things without permission makes my ''blood boil'', even if they don't find anything. Probably has to do with older brothers and all those really awful short stories I wrote and all those shows I had merchandise for and AUGH MY CARTOONS AUGH. I now have a phobia of showing people cartoons or stories I make. Or revealing what shows I like, even. * New law of the internet: You insult MisterRogers, or talk about him in ''any'' way other than with the highest respect, you '''die.''' This is true of all of cyberspace. * A while back I managed to get a hold of a used copy of Pokemon Ruby version. When I started it up to see if I could transfer anything useful for my Pearl game, the person who used it previously didn't get

very far, but that's not the insulting part. When I saw that the name on the menu screen was Hitler, I was like "WHAT?!" before finding out the Torchic (a fire type) was named "Burn Jews". Yeah, I immediately erased ''that'' file, and I like to think I put that poor Torchic out of its misery. * When this tropette, Horror Girl Lucy, was about six, my dad taught me how to shoot. There was one time I made a joke about guns, I forget what it was I said, and he grabbed my collar, pulled me up close to his face, and said, "DON'T. JOKE. ABOUT. GUNS." It's ironic, really. About five years ago, he was shot to death. * In my old school, this troper was tormented by a [[TheSociopath sociopathic]] boy who, among [[AttemptedRape other things]], [[MoralEventHorizon MADE JOKES ABOUT HER FRIEND WHO DIED OF BRAIN CANCER]]. Oh, and [[ItGotWorse it got even]] [[KarmaHoudini worse]]... ---That was just obscene...just go back to DudeNotFunny, why don't you. ----

DudeWheresOurCar * [[NightmareFuel Scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid.]] I was always worried I'd get lost in a parking lot if I tried to go back to the car before my parents were done shopping. * This Troper actually quoted {{Dude, Where's my Car}} when she and her dad were walking back to her dad's car after a trip to Wal-mart and Best Buy. * ThisTroper knows of someone who reported their car stolen to the police because they couldn't find it. They really thought it was stolen and they collected the insurance money. Weeks later they found it...with a whole bunch of parking tickets on it. Can we say PoliceAreUseless? ** And this troper is glad she's not the only one to have done that (though she found her car a bit quicker than that). * I do this on a regular basis (including getting mixed up about WHICH car I arrived in on several occasions). * This happened to a co-worker of my mother's. They couldn't find the car because she didn't know what it looked like. Apparently it was a rental car. I think in the end her husband had to pick her up and they just waited to the next day. * If I parked in a big lot when very tired(happens frequently, as this troper works nights and tends to do his grocery shopping {and whatever else I need to do} after the end of my Friday shift) I can have horrible amounts of trouble finding my damned car afterwards. I eventually slapped a bumper sticker on it for the sake of being able to find the fucker easier. ** Grandma stuck a plastic lemon on the antenna of her car for just that purpose. * Not my own story, but this was related to me by my former boss; . Her daughter-in-law drove to Sears and parked in the parking lot. After she finished shopping, she came out...car was gone. Store employees were asked for help. Police were finally summoned, and when they arrived, they escorted her out to the place where the car had

been parked -- and was, in fact, parked. She said they basically seemed to imply she was stupid or mentally imbalanced. Driving home, she noticed there was something really wrong with the car, and there had been nothing wrong with it previously. Shortly after arriving home, however, the manager of that Sears called. Turns out that the Sears body shop was responsible -- they had taken her car, which was identical to a car they were supposed to work on ''and started with the same key'', and did some work to the brakes; the mixup was only discovered when the person whose car was supposed to be repaired realized that nothing had been done to his car. So when she couldn't find her car, it was because it was in the body shop, and by the time the police came, it had been returned to its parking space. The store manager apologized profusely and promised to refund her money for all purchases she had made that day as well as repair her car for free, then asked if there was anything else he could do to make the mess up to her. Yes, she told him, please call the police and tell them what happened! * I've got a friend who forgets where she parked ''every time we go anywhere.'' She has jokingly(?) said that the only reason she brings me along is because I can always find the car. ** This troper is similarly afflicted. You'd think a big black truck would stand out, but you would be ''wrong.'' * [[TromboneChild This Troper]] was not present during this incident, but I've certainly heard about it. Once, my mother, my brother (who was like 7) and my sister (who was about 2) went to the grocery store, bought food, and came back out to our early-'90s forest green Ford Aerostar. My mom opened the doors and thought, "Did I really leave the door unlocked?" Then my brother said, "It's smells really bad in here!" (It smelled like paint and smoke.) And then my sister screamed, "WHERE'S MY CAR SEAT?!?!" It slowly dawned on my mother: ''they were in the wrong minivan!'' So she got out, grabbed my siblings and the groceries, shut the doors, and ran away. Then she found ''our'' Aerostar. She was both freaked out and amused. * [[{{Guessmyname}} This troper]] memorises the number plates to find cars. Good in theory, less good when ''all'' you have to go off is the numberplate... in a full carpark... in the rain... with lots of heavy shopping... * [[JChance This]] troper does it a lot--there are a lot of white sedans, and a Kia Spectra is rather exactly average. The bumper stickers help--if he didn't park facing out. Not as bad as his mother, though--she once emerged from the wrong exit of the local mall and nearly reported her car stolen, once entered a different car that opened but did not start with the same key, and once pulled a "Dude, where's my ''kid''?" -- she'd left him in the grocery's magazine section, then drove home and started putting away her purchases before she remembered and rushed back. He didn't even know; he'd been reading the whole time. * It's horrible when you think you came in car A, so you spend forever looking for it, only to realize that you came in car B. This has happened to me many, many times. * we were finishing our basement and the contractors were parked in the driveway so this troper's Dad couldn't park his shiny new mid-

life-crisis sportscar where he normally did, so he parked it on the curb. The next morning we both had a heart attack when it wasn't in its normal spot. [[Literature/{{Twilight}} "Holy crap, Alice Cullen stole the Porsche!]] * Went to lunch with a co-worker during the day. Co-worker parked her SUV-ish vehicle in a parking spot three spots down from the diner door. We go in, eat, decide lunch is almost over, go outside... car's not there. Co-worker starts freaking. A few moments later, I point across the parking lot, to the nearly-empty parking lot of a hotel, and say "Isn't that your car?" The car had been locked and in park, and somehow moved across two parking lots... half of the way, uphill. To this day, we have no idea how it happened. We can only assume someone had a key that opened the door and started the car, but they realized it wasn't their car and decided to leave it in the nearest space instead of bringing it back... * Ever since discovering the sport of [[http://www.geocaching.com Geocaching]], I've gotten better about remembering where I parked. On at least two occasions, when I knew I would be in a huge and crowded parking lot, I made a point of taking my GPS receiver and getting the coordinates of my car. ** My husband does that when we're somewhere he doesn't think he'll easily be able to find the car in. It does help a lot. I've also resorted to tying a helium balloon to the antenna. Alarm remotes are also helpful (when working, mine's flaky) -- just watch to see which car flashes its lights when you push the button... *** The balloon idea reminds me of [=Grandma's Lemon=], up near the top of the page! ** Geocaching troper here. My current car has one of those keychain remotes; on one occasion, when I was in a really unfamiliar area, I used the GPS to get to the right row, then beeped the horn to find my car among the trucks and vans. \\ After I got my ham radio license, I bought a rather long (2 meter band, 5/8 wave) magnet mount antenna. With that on the roof I can find my humble little sedan in a lot full of [=SUVs=]! * True story: a professor didn't get his usual place in the faculty parking lot; that afternoon, he wandered around for close to an hour yelling "WHERE'S MY FUCKING CAR?!" * A friend of mine and her husband met an elderly lady in a parking lot who was frantic because she couldn't find her car, a white sedan. So, they decided to be nice and help the lady out. After nearly half an hour of searching the parking lot for the right car, the woman's son drove up in her silver car... * My mum almost did this once... because the car had just gotten cleaned. * One time I parked my green Toyota Tercel with the windows open, next to another green Toyota Tercel with the windows open. I come back, get in and..."WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY [[DrivingStick CLUTCH PEDAL]]!?!" Turns out the two cars were identical except the other one was automatic, and I was in the wrong car. ** Similar incident with this troper. He had a green Toyota Corolla parked in a shopping mall. Upon leaving he got into what he thought was his car, and was SHOCKED to see a whole bunch of plushies all over

the dashboard (his own car had nothing much on his dashboard). Turns out he somehow managed to unlock the door of a similar looking car, with his own key! ** Even better. Recently shopping mall parking areas now have car wash services ("Have your car washed while you shop!"). One time, after just parking his black Mitsubishi Pajero, he walked to one of the car wash boys to have his Pajero washed. But when he got back to the Pajero, he found he could not unlock the doors for some reason, until he saw the license plate, and realized he was at a similar looking Pajero just 3 cars away from his. In other words, he almost paid for having someone else's car washed. * ImNotMakingThisUp My parent's once imispalced the car in a shopping centre car park. In an attempt to find the car they pushed the unlocking button on the keys and listened for the beep. They continued to 'lock and unlock' the car in order to hone in on where the beep was coming from. They got to the place and pushed the button again, only to hear the beep coming from 'above' them (they were one level down not only was the signal reaching the car through several feet of concrete, but the beep was so loud that it was coming back loud enough to fool them into thinking it was on the level below.) * Once went to a park. I left my sweater in the car, and later when I went back to get t, the keys didnt work. I kept pushing and twisting, and got so mad I key scratched a little. Cue my father asking what the hell I was doing, and walking towards our actual car. HilarityEnsued. * This happened to a teacher of mine. The deal was, another teacher decided to play a prank on her because she wouldn't return his soccer ball (yes, he is an extremely juevanile man). So he had student hijack her car keys in secret and move her car out of the faculty parking area and into student parking. The teacher escorted her out that afternoon and she totally flipped out, called the police, and started to swear at them and everyone else. When the teacher revealed the prank she proceeded to beat up him and the student accomplice--they caught all this on hidden camera. Effin hilarious. * [[@/PentiumMMX2 This troper]] has this problem with just about every vehicle his mom has ever owned as far back as he can remember; either it's new enough for everyone else to have one that looks like it, or it's small enough that it's hard to see among all the gigantic trucks. Thankfully, I don't have this problem with either of my cars (Granted, a muscle car from the mid '70s and a subcompact sedan from the late '80s tend to stand out among all the vehicles from the late '90s onward) * This troper's judo instructor went for a night out drinking with the rest of the club and left his car parked because he had drunk too much to drive it home. The next day he duly forgot where it was parked and rang the police to report it stolen, until someone said to him "Didn't you leave it at -" * This troper was running a really high fever and stopped at a corner store to pick up some medicine. I drive a very common car, a white Chevy Malibu. I came out of the store to find four more white Malibus parked where my fever addled brain said I parked mine. Cue me trying my key in three before finding mine, and the kids on the sidewalk laughing at me.

* This troper had a few incidents of these due to parking in multilevel carparks of shopping malls (which can get confusing at times). The most embarrassing incident happened because he was giving a ride to several friends (mostly girls he just met) after watching [[NightmareOnElmStreet Freddy's Dead]]. He got out the wrong parking exit with said friends in tow, then ended up confused at the rather different looking parking area, then ended up walking some distance to the next area where the car was indeed parked, and everyone was giggling. * This troper was detained by the [[BadCopIncompetentCop campus police]] at college because he took too long to find his car. (They thought he was a potential car thief, apparently) In his defense, it was a big lot, and he wasn't present when the car was parked. ----o Go back to DudeWheresOurCar, if you still can remember where it was. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

DuetBonding ========= * This Troper met one of her best guy-friends when they were chosen at random to sing "A Whole New World" together for an audition. * This troper was cast in the play Sure Thing (which ends with the two characters declaring their love for each other before walking off together) with a boy she barely knew in January. In May, on the night of their final performance, he asked her to be his girl. * For the past few years, the Otronicon convention down here in Orlando has had RockBand set up on a stage with lights, a custom drum kit dressed up to look like a real drum kit, and various props to make it look like a stage. I ended up doing "Bohemian Rhapsody" as an epic duet with a girl who I later became friends with as a direct result of us singing together. ========= [[AC:Back to DuetBonding]]

DullSurprise * Between 7am and 9am, in almost any situation, clap your hands once and you'll likely see this expression on anyone who looks in your direction. * This troper is not great at [[EmotionlessGirl expressing her emotions]], no matter how hard she tries to show that she actually cares about something. Her attempts to reassure people that she actually has feelings usually result in her only being able to manage DullSurprise, especially when discovering something particularly shocking. Usually people notice Dull Surprised look on her face and

assume she's being sarcastic. Thank goodness this troper didn't decide to become an actress. * This troper has a classmate who's like this and even teased by one of her teachers. * This troper usally has a blank look on her face, with her jowls and chin making it appear that she's frowning all of the time. Whenever I'm mildly surprised by something the only thing that changes is my eyes - they dilate. Due to my Asperger's Syndrom, I have a complete indifference or unable to even ''feel fear'' simply because I've imagined worse. ** I don't think that you can attribute something that fucked up to Asperger's. I also have Asperger's and I also know many other people who do, and I've never met anyone who claims to be completely indifferent and lacking in fear. That's probably just you're personality, and that's assuming that you aren't full of it. *** Maybe she has depression on top of that? Depression can dull your emotions. * [[Tropers/CabbitGirlEmi This tropette]] sometimes does this at a movie she's already seen many, many times. * Would be MajorInjuryUnderreaction if it was actually a major injury. --> Troper's sister: Your foot! It's bleeding! --> Troper: Well, whaddaya know? I thought the floor seemed wet... ----

DumbassHasAPoint * [[{{fishsicles}} This Troper]] is alarmed that this page doesn't exist yet. I've spent enough time on InternetRelayChat to know this trope, as well as TroperTales/TheCuckoolanderWasRight. ** This troper also experiences moments like this in chat rooms, but there's been several incidents that happened to him in RealLife which fit this trope's bill perfectly. Often overlaps with TheCuckoolanderWasRight and NotNowKiddo. * This troper once sided with...a certain person he really didn't like in a debate, and we would often prop up each others' statements with "the dumbass/moron/son of a bitch/talking monkey has a point". * This Troper has a tendency to say that when one of 'The Clones' (a pair of twins I'm close friends with) says something...profound. * This happens to me in my literature class when i give a great reason as to why a book sucks or not. * This troper had one a few weeks ago in a game of DnD. We were in a dungeon where we kept getting ambushed whenever we opened a door. After several failed strategies, this trope (known as the the CloudCuckoolander) came up with the idea of using the dead bodies as shields whenever we opened a door. The other party members were stunned at this moment of insight. * This troper playes the role of the dumbass in this all the damn time. It's kinda surprising, since she enters the Cloudcukoolander territory from the wrong side and tends to make philosophy sessions out of completely casual conversations with her classmates and randomly analazing situations, plus, she isn't even a bad student -

but people are still genuinely surprised when she raises a valid point at school group works. This trope itself has been used many times over, and I can understand why people would think I'm weird, but 'dumbass'? * This troper was in a writing workshop and had a classmate whose opinions usually triggered someone sighing and explaining that no, that would be deeply out of character/ran counter to the tone of the piece/would require the violation of physics to stage. Then one day the troper was lamenting a plot obstacle she'd encountered in her script, when the irritating classmate said, "Why don't you just change the character's motivation to make him more sympathetic?" The entire room sat briefly stunned at the realisation that that would ''actually work''. * This troper's [[{{TheDitz}} twin sister]] (fraternal, obviously) has a tendency to say things like "You work at Harvard?" and "We're part ''x region of India?''" but has come up with a few truly brilliant things and can do math about 4 grades above her level. Except quadratics, she hates those. She somehow manages to be both {{Genius Ditz}} and {{Ditzy Genius}}, don't ask me how that's possible. ---I can't believe I'm saying this, but [[DumbassHasAPoint the little twerp's got it!]] ----

DumbMuscle * [[Tropers/DialgaX This Troper]] went through high school with several people who fit this trope perfectly and subvert it. ** The wrestling team - 99% of the wrestlers are really, ''really'' dim. But the ''epitome'' of this trope is one of the varsity wrestlers. He is 250 pounds of muscle and fat, incredibly strong... and gets abysmal grades in even remedial/basic courses and has done things like intentionally set fire to his own hand and "helped" in gathering firewood for a cookout by ''breaking twigs and branches'' off the fruit trees (apparently, he was not aware that fresh wood straight from fruit trees does not burn that well). ** A female example - One of the girls on the lacrosse team was nicknamed "Canadian Bacon". She was ''very'' strong and ''very'' dim. Case in point, she got bored and started playing with fire...in her own bedroom. And she set the bedroom on fire. And she set fire to a tire, while it was still attached to her dad's car. She got decent grades in remedial classes, though. ** Mostly subverted by the football players and the javelin/discus/shotput throwers. They were of average to above average intelligence but quite a few were definitely {{Genius Bruiser}}s. * The master of ceremonies for a playwriting competition this Troper took part in was exactly this. He is a dancer by profession, and is quite buff. However, he makes the stupidest and most inappropriate comments while hosting, and my theatre teacher told me later "he makes me feel so smart". * Subverted: This troper manages to be a highschool offensive and

defensive lineman, while taking every college course in the school, and being National Honor Society President. I had a double take when I realized that. * Some of my Army drill sergeants would say, "If you're smart, you'll live longer. If you can't be smart, at least you can be tough -- ''and follow orders!''" They don't prefer DumbMuscle, but they can work with it; can't make everyone smart. ----Uh, [[HulkSpeak me]] back from gym. Where DumbMuscle at? <<|TroperTales|>>

DumbStruck * One of [[{{Tropers/BluePenguin}} my]] many, many unlikely-to-befinished stories involves a young man who hasn't spoken since the mysterious death of his sister. It turns out, though, that it's actually the brother who died; his HalfIdenticalTwin [[TwinSwitch took]] [[SweetPollyOliver his place]] because their father [[HeirClubForMen needed a male heir]]. She couldn't fake the voice convincingly enough, though, so invoked this trope as an excuse.

DungeonBypass * This actually happened in a Tabletop RPG. It was a superhero campaign, in which the Mad Scientist Super-Villain had prepared a Death Course maze to guard his villain's inner sanctum. One of the Super-Heroes, with electricity absorption and projection, stuck a fist through the fuse-box and drained all the power from the base, using it to blast straight through the base so they could walk right up to the villain. * In another editor's Dungeons And Dragons campaign, a huge complex built into a cliff was neatly bypassed by players who came up with a means to drill straight down into the villain's lair at its end. ** The same players avoided getting involved in a battle by using several monster summons, polymorphs and elemental transforms to drop down the side of a mountain onto a large fraction of the enemy army. ** Another tactic this group likes is to buy the land on which the dungeon resides, and then go in and evict its residents. *** Don't you [[KillEmAll do that]] anyway? ** Subverted in Tomb of Horrors: The mountain grew back with us under it. Scratch one ring of wishes... * Very common in 3/3.5ed D&D, when playing older modules with newer supplements. This troper was rather fond of his 1rst level kobold warlock with at-will spider climb. Very few dungeons are designed for [=PCs=] spending the entire adventure walking on the ceiling. ** Also a favorite was the vampire-slaying adventure from an issue of Dungeon Magazine. Said vampire was sleeping inside a solid stone coffin, with the only access being through tiny holes in the sides for the vampire's gaseous form, on the top floor of a very well-guarded mansion. Normally, the [=PCs=] would fight their way to the top, for

the villain to emerge dramatically for a climactic fight. This troper's warforged ninja scaled the building unseen, slipped in through the attic, snuck into the room undetected despite the vampire's obscene listen score, and used his Large-sized adamantine greatsword to behead him ''through'' the sarcophagus. *** Not a D&D expert, but... couldn't you skip the greatsword and simply sneak in as described and plug up the holes - or, heck, fight to the top and plug up the holes, thereby skipping the huge battle? **** Plugging the holes isn't likely to kill the vampire; only rarely, after all, do they require oxygen to survive, and I don't have my Monster Manual handy but I'm pretty sure D&D vampires don't need to breathe. Plugging the holes would at best trap the vampire for a while, if you were to use something like molten lead or stone, but the trouble there is that either one is extremely hot and not all that easy to work with, much less work with ''silently'' (obscene Listen score, don't forget). Not to mention that there probably are a ''lot'' of small holes, and what happens if you use too much lead halfway through and wake up the vampire with it? Now he's not only awake and aware of your presence, but he's just been waked up by receiving a nasty burn, so he's awake, aware of your presence, and ''really pissed off''. And even that doesn't matter, because even if you manage to do it successfully and silently, it's only going to last until the vampire's minions notice it. [[RuleOfCool Using an enormous adamantine greatsword to behead the vampire through the sarcophagus is, quite simply, the only sensible thing to do.]] *** You could have plugged the hole then stolen the sarcophagus, only to remove the plugs and smash the sarcophagus out in the sunlight... **** You want to go through all the aforementioned risky trouble of plugging up lots of tiny holes (and who the hell carries around scrap lead to melt anyway?), drag a giant piece of stone with a vampire inside around a dungeon through watever traps, monsters, narrow crevices and water await, just to kill it with sunlight, instead of simply killing it in the dungeon with one strike? * In this troper's games he gave them this trope freely. The Villain's lair, a sprawling citadel of doom. Classic dungeon stuff. Upon entering, they walked into a foyer, up some stairs into a room where the villain sat waiting for them, working at his desk. he invited them in, and offered to answer any questions hey had. Of course, this was quickly subverted. Once they figured out he was lying through his teeth, he sent them through a Trap Door into the real dungeon. They actually expressed immense relief at the status quo being restored, oddly. * This editor had an amusing aversion of this in a Top Secret game. Terrorists hijacked a boat containing some sort of biological warfare juice, and the agents had to parachute in and retrieve it. The agents split up to hit different targets. This editor's character hit the elevator, went down deep into the boat, and accidentally walked right into the room where the stuff was stored, bypassing the entire 'search the ship' maze. He then spent the rest of the mission with all the doors locked and covered, waiting for the rest of the team to make it to him. The normally scripted 'final standoff' with the bad guy in an easily defendable room, threatening to use the juice failed to happen

because he couldn't get into the room without getting shot, and all his mooks were busy with the team. * This troper remembers an early game of the ''Top Secret'' tabletop RPG he played in the mid-80s, in their published module 'Dr. Yes'. Instead of fighting our way down through all six levels of Dr. Yes' floating headquarters, our characters simply swam down in SCUBA gear, blew the giant underwater window for the rec room on deck 5 with explosives, then swam in. One airlock and a short flight of stairs later, we were on deck 6 in Dr. Yes' private quarters, while the vast majority of her minions pounded helplessly on the armored watertight hatches leading from deck 5 to deck 4, which we'd barred shut from the inside. * This troper was on a D&D expedition that was supposed to require the PC's to run a gauntlet through a long, heavily booby trapped tunnel. Completely by chance, our mage had concocted a spell called "Finger of Depth" (a very intentional pun on the classic "Finger of Death") that allowed him to dig a parallel tunnel - a true dungeon bypass. * There was a point where the players in [[{{Meems}} this troper's]] D&D campaign managed to find some way to do this in ''every single dungeon'' they went into. She eventually snapped and designed a dungeon with only one path, period, but wouldn't have been surprised if they had still found some way around it. * Subverted somewhat (but for inns, not dungeons) in a group I was in where the DM was a frequent business traveller- his innkeepers made Basil Fawlty look like Conrad Hilton. Every so often, we'd play with a modern tech level and he'd ''really'' let loose what he knew ("This is our newest non-smoking room" means "The maid whisked away the ashtrays moments ago; the odor of Febreze'll fade in a few hours, the odor of stale cigs'll be on you for weeks after you leave....") * Don't tell me I'm the only one who'd just slip through the cornstalks in a cornmaze when you got really lost...? ** Don't worry. ThisTroper and his family did that a few years ago near Holloween. It took us about 2 hours to get out still! * [[{{Regiment}} This troper]], to get revenge on his campaign's sociopathic [=PCs=], decided to introduce a villain so evil that he'd be even worse than them. Within thirty seconds they decided to join him. ** I ''really'' hope you accepted their request. * This troper used to DM a cyberpunk campaign and the dungeon in question was a huge corporate building full of mooks and the bad guy's penthouse on top, enough combat to fill about 2 sessions. After describing the building, the players whispered among themselves for a few seconds and one of them proclaimed: "We all equip our jetpacks" * This troper played a game where his two man team had to fight their way to the top of a tower to stop evil baddy from doing evil things. However the Gamemaster had given them a flying machine early on, so the team flew to the top of the tower and bypassed the extremely dangerous dungeon. * Totally averted in a game of Shadowrun. The dwarf shaman attempted to make a hole in a wall with the spell 'Turn to Goo'. Cue critical failure and near-lethal feedback, and the 'Goo-man' joined the ranks of our infamous characters.

* This troper deliberately built a dungeon bypass as a sort of puzzle for his players in one D&D campaign. They were tracking a band of kobolds who had stolen several wagons, and found the entrance to the kobolds' lair - a small door at the top of a ridge. When one of the players had the sense to wonder how the kobolds could have gotten the wagons through the small door, the group began searching for another entrance - and found the larger "back door" hidden behind an illusory cliffside, bypassing most of the kobolds' traps. * This troper was [=GMing=] a Star Wars campaign, and after one attempt, realized that a maze of death is near impossible in a setting with lightsabers. ** Cortosis ore, my friend... Turns off a lightsaber mere moments after it hits. ** Magnetic shielding is more common, and thus more plausible (as much as anything in Star Wars is). * Happened once in a Shadowrun I-Run (Immortal run, as opposed to autoruns, or runs given by [=NPCs=]). He forgets the details, but instead of running through Mitsuhama to get the access key, everyone started hacking away at the door. * This troper was infamous in his gaming group for his tendency to have [[ItsAllUpstairsFromHere really big towers]] as TheVeryDefinitelyFinalDungeon. Imagine their surprise during one campaign when the villain had the forethought to install an elevator. * One time, a DM of mine managed to pull this on ''himself''. Basically, his VillainSue BigBad was [[OmnicidalManiac preparing to destroy the world]], as you do. Because we were the only ones that could stop him, an all-powerful race of guardians ([[TheGodsMustBeLazy who couldn't do anything about him personally]]) pulled us away from our current quest to go deal with him. We asked them to place us right outside the room where the BigBad was, and we caught (the villain) completely off-guard, sans buffs or reinforcements of any kind. This led to our first ever outright defeat of a BigBad in one of the DM's campaigns, mainly because he [[ViewersAreMorons hadn't anticipated]] that our party, knowing that the BigBad was a spellcaster, would specifically prepare ourselves to counteract and disrupt all his spellcasting. (After that, [[RocksFallEveryoneDies Rocks Fell And Everyone Died]].) * Partial in one of {{Ripsaw}}'s experiences in DungeonsAndDragons. Our party used a crate of Brown Mold and several bottles of Alchemist's Fire as a crude bio-weapon to take out several encounters in a [[strike:dungeon]] mine before we started the run. We were cracking up about our "Experiment in Biological Warfare" for ''weeks''. Investigation showed that this was a unique solution to the number of encounters in that mine...and the DM's expression when he realized that we had killed four encounters with only a few gold worth of materials was ''priceless''. * In a Shadowrun game, this troper's team was tasked with stealing a prototype tank from a fortified Ares facility. Instead of fighting or sneaking their way through, the team conned a green activist group into besieging the facility, during which they intercepted the facility's communications and told the personnel a boat would come to evacuate the precious tank. From then, a repainted boat and a set of

uniforms was all they needed for the personnel to literally hand over the tank. * This troper's party once faced an abandoned mine-turned ElaborateUndergroundBase by the local insane warlord. Few traps, but inhabited by a legion of bloodthirsty shock troops with heavily clerical support and more than a few magical beasts. There was a river nearby, and one of our party members was a Scion Of Tem-Et-Nu (prestige class specializing in fighting in/manipulating rivers). One slight waterway diversion later, and our party buffed up with water breathing spells and collected the loot. * Performing these is our specialty. Some more notable ones: Cyberpunk campaign, one corporation hires us to kill another's boss. We crawl in through an air vent and get a quick glance at the boss but he walks into another room before we can do anything. We get out and raid the room for valuables. We find the map used for fire escapes. Boss office at top floor. Boss currently at what appears to be cafeteria, surrounded by about 200 guards. We get back in our vents and crawl around until we find the elevators, which we rig with explosives that detonate should the elevator hit the top floor (the penthouse which only the big bad has access to). Then we teleport back to our contractor and hand him a pair of binoculars and the advice to get on his own roof and watch the fireworks at the enemy building. ** Same group, steampunk setting this time. Us and the good army on one side of a bridge, baddies on the other. We have 200 musketeers with 200 muskets and some cannons. They have 200 robot soldier operators with 2000 robot soldiers and a giant mech their leader was riding in. We won that fight by stuffing all the gunpowder in the hold of a nearby fishing boat and dumping all the projectiles on the deck along with every suitable metal/otherwise very tough object(like the buttons on the army's uniforms) and anchoring it under the bridge. When they marched over the bridge, we detonated the boat. This turned the underside of the bridge to swiss cheese but didn't harm the mech much. What did harm it was crashing through the weakened bridge into the water below and sinking under the weight of the rest of the bridge collapsing on it. * After exploring a dungeon where the party acquired a few bricks of an exploding magical clay (essentially C4 for D&D), The BigBad Dragon that had been terrorizing the town decided to attack. The party decided that rather than fight the dragon head-on, they'd pack every brick of clay onto a single ballista bolt and aim it at the dragon. Naturally, it was a very hard shot, filled with penalties. And just as naturally, they hit. I had, in fact, expected this tactic. What I hadn't expected was for them to roll damn near max damage on the resulting explosion. Scratch one dragon. Later they bypassed a boobytrap in the dragon's lair with a Tensor's Floating Disk. * Real Life Example: If your a customer where I work (IKEA Perth, Western Australia) the place is a giant maze of doom (If I get asked where the exit is only 30 times a day its a good day) where your only meant to go through in a certain way. As Trolley collector I'm one of the few employees litterally able to bypass half the store, from the entrance straight to the middle, leaving many customers who I direct to the exit wondering how I got down fast enough to be chilling out

downstairs when they're just getting there. ** Apparently, the solution to many IKEA stores to find the bypass, is to look backwards from the conventional path... * This Troper, during a 2nd Edition AD&D tournament game in Eugene had a moment like this. I was playing a bard who got as a random magical item a coat of many things, with two iron door patches. At one point, the party came across a complex door trap/puzzle blocking access to the rest of the dungeon. I ripped off one door patch and threw it on the wall next to the door. The DM said "nice alcove you've made there." He took the second patch off and threw it ''on the door itself.'' The DM loked at his notes, looked at this troper, and then had to stop the game for five minutes to commiserate with another DM in the tournament about how they had defeated his trap without even trying! ** Now you're thinking with portals. * Not exactly a dungeon bypass, but similar: [=GMs=], if you plan to have the players searching for a kidnapped hostage, make sure the bad guy you send to taunt them doesn't talk to the mind reader. * Hilariously averted with one of [[{{MBurusu}} my]] recent campaigns. I'd set up a mansion with a large central lab and several rooms surrounding it on all sides, a PuzzleBoss BigBad in the central lab and more than a few ways for appropriately-built characters to explore the mansion without alerting said BigBad ([[PixelHunt find the combination to the electronic lock on the second floor of the Southeast tower to get to the Second Floor, that sort of thing]]), but right off the bat, one of the first few rooms entered is . . . the central lab. [[HilarityEnsues Cue scripted scene and subsequent running.]] * This Troper so thoroughly expects this tactic that he tries to keep the coolest encounters in his dungeons modular so that he can place them in his next (hopefully less bypassable) dungeon. He's also fond of rewarding this kind of original thinking when he can anticipate it. * This Troper has been GM'ing lately with a group that likes to do this a lot: ** A D&D dungeon has a giant multi-layered terrarium, each section sealed off from the next by transparent stone at least a foot thick. No wizards in the party. Monsters on every level, and each entrance to the next level is on the opposite end of the previous one. Why yes, there is a small amount of room to move between the terrarium ceiling and the ceiling of the room. Yes, there's a family of manticores in the center. Cue party taunting the manticores into bashing through the ceiling so the party could get to the door they were guarding. ** Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic campaign. The party has ticked off a crime boss, some Mandalorians, and a couple of Sith. So all the bad guys on the planet are guarding the PC's ship, waiting for them to try to leave. But this is a starport, right? What about other ships? The players were in space before their enemies realized their mistake. ** Same campaign as above, the players in their newly stolen blockade runner. A Mandalorian battleship gets word from planetside that the ship fleeing towards the hyperspace beacon is their target, and opens fire with intent to capture. Blockade runner takes severe damage aft,

so * flips a 180* , heads straight for the battleship -- or rather, underneath it, and flees on a z-axis that Star Wars does not regularly acknowledge. * In a ''Shadowrun'' campaign run I was in, we'd been hired by a dragon to wipe out a lab that was creating monsters designed to take down (enmass) a dragon. The lab that was creating them was in the lowest levels of a building. We ran into the monsters a few times before we ever got to the building and had aquired a healthy respect for the little monsters. So when we finally got to the elevators that would take us down into the depths of the lower levels, our team basically looked at each other, said "We've seen this movie before." and mined the building with C12 (we were famous for carrying a lot of C12). When we were clear, we dropped the entire building on the monsters. Contract completed. The GM was disappointed, but it wasn't like we weren't prone to solve problems with C12 beforehand. * In a BESM d20 campaign run by one of my friends, the party was in a castle with the walls made of sentient bricks. The party bypassed an entire floor of the castle that was later revealed by the DM to be full of traps, because my character politely asked the walls to allows us through. Needless to say, he never allowed us to do that again, by having some NPC remind the walls about what might happen to them if they let us through like that again. * In a recent D&D 3.5e campaign, our DM had originally intended for us to fight a little boy--who is [[ReallySevenHundredYearsOld much older than he looks]] and has the capability to suck the heat out of almost everything. The thing is, he made the kid just a little too sympathetic, as his ability was described as a curse...cut to my policeman-turned-wizard managing to coax the boy into temporarily joining us while we worked like hell to remove his curse. To the DM's credit, he managed to improvise the storyline quite well. * Through careful guessing, planning, and some luck, This Troper was able to subvert this briefly, but have it played straight in return. In a homebrew GURPS-style system, the party attempted to bypass a short series of rooms with explosives, but due to the nature of the ChaosArchitecture, lined up what would have been a time consuming but easy boss rush into a massive team up of nasty monsters headed straight for them. They used area of effect damage to clean up the bosses with ease. * In a D&D 3.5 game this troper plays in, a large castle full of vampires was avoided completely by some extremely smooth talking. As the unashamedly evil Face on a party of mostly good [=PCs=], this troper managed to beat several detection spells, a Zone of Truth, and an outright hostile vampire lord through use of the oldest trick in the book. Telling the complete truth with a perfectly straight face nets us the vampire blood we were looking for, several favors, and a quick exit out of the crapsack nation of darkness that we had been stuck in. (Hi, we're not actually here to kill you. We could, but all we really need is a small vial of blood. On top of that, we're willing to help you with any problems you face later on down the road. Etc) Afterwards the DM frankly states that we were months early for the rest of his plans, and rewards the [=PCs=] with some well deserved down-time. After which the "good" [=PCs=] plan to pay a certain ally a

visit... * In a now-concluded D&D 3.5 campaign this troper played in, we had one dungeon where we did ''two'' bypasses, and one of whatever the opposite of a bypass is. ** First, while probing the upper level, our lead rogue stumbled into a teleport trap that teleported her back outside the dungeon about an hour's walk away. But the rest of our party had no way of knowing this, we'd just seen her suddenly 'vanish', so we assumed she was either dead or trapped somewhere in the dungeon in need of rescuing. So we moved on. ** Then we triggered a set of guardian golems that were out of our league, and while attempting to flee them we got ourselves cornered in a small empty room. The golems didn't try smashing the door, but they also didn't leave. With nothing better to do I spent a couple of hours of game time searching our prison... and found the nigh-impossible-tospot secret door that led straight down to the lowest level. It was easy to see from the other side, and was apparently intended as an escape route. So we went down there, leaving the rogue who'd been separated by that teleport trap with no choice but to sneak down through the ''entire dungeon'' to find us. ** Finally, we reunite and reach our objective, stealing the ancient magical artifact that was installed in the dungeon to keep the volcano it was dug into 'sealed'. Naturally, the volcano starts erupting. We wind up having to running as fast as we can through uncharted levels we'd skipped on the way in, lava hot on our heels, but through sheer dumb luck we managed to pick exactly the right direction at each intersection to take the shortest path out. The good dumb luck exactly canceled out the bad dumb luck and a good time was had by all. * This troper used to regularly play D&D 3.5 with a few friends taking turns in [=DMing=]. All of us tried to implement that tactic whenever possible, though two of my friends were to do EVERYTHING that way. Sometimes it was successfully subverted, sometimes not, but lots and lots of arguing and HilarityEnsues. Few examples: ** I was playing lv4 Rogue, a buddy of mine was Lv3 Ranger chosen archery path, and rest of party was lv 5-7. So, DM needed to "kill" our party, so it could e saved bya guards of local count and thus given a quest to fulfill. So, party encounters an aggressive giant lizard, that successfully [=KOs=] all of higher leveled party members loosing only half of its HP and going straight for us. I roll triple20. Cue in DM attempting to rip out his hair as party goes by this part of the world map without stopping at all. DM had party infected with licantropy in quite unnatural looking ambush later and stuck with said quest anyway. ** Another time was when we were playing an Eberron campaign and were allowed to get to epic levels. Everything started when at around Lv 12 my warhammer-toting human Fighter gained a permanent size increase, making nim a Large Creature and in turn opening a possibility to take Warhulk prestige class. Warhulk has 10 levels and gets + 2 Str every level. A quick thinking and some money pooling later my character is toting Indestructible Adamantinum Warhammer and a whopping 28 Str. He was already a walking DungeonBypass machine at this point, saving party tyme by braking down doors and carefully smashing apart trapped

chests. it still gets better though. ** A few sessions later a party is sent to a castle in the middle of a magical war induced wasteland to get an important piece of LostTechnology from there. Due an unorthodox way our party entered the castle - through a drain pipes - we ended up i some sort of a production facility in the dungeons. Said facility punmped out some sort of green liquid. A very explosive green liquid and there was a storage reservoir with a few ton worth of the stuff. Our mage/necromancer whips an undead bird out of BagOfHolding he created early in the campaign as an aerial scout, gives it a bottle of Alchemist Fire and instructs it to throw the bottle into the tank in two hours. Cue our party running really fast and a very wide crater in the place of a castle. Three lv18 boss characters were evaporated by the blast. * This Troper, while playing a custom game based on [=DnD=] 3.5e, has done this on several occasions. ** Firstly, one custom race's nobility has the ability to teleport to any location that they can see a limited number of times a day. They can also take along whatever they happen to be touching at the time, as long as it isn't bolted to the ground. We were tasked with getting an artifact of unmentionable power from the depths of this crypt, which, for some reason, happened to contain a dragon. You can see where this is going. One NPC who happened to be that race opted to simply teleport the thing out, popping back in sans dragon a few seconds later. ** Secondly, we, again, were tasked with something outrageous, taking on the epic level king of an entire nation. Needless to say, everyone prepared for the epic fight, while the beguiler in our party pondered something. One failed save later and the King is ours to command. ** Thirdly, in a separate campaign (Also epic level), the party encountered its superior, worse yet because they'd prepared in advance for our special abilities. (My sniper's Boots of Teleportation refused to function, keeping him in melee, etc.) So, what happens? The kid brother of my sniper happened to, earlier in the campaign, come across a Rod of Wonders, and occasionally liked to shoot it off in combat in an attempt to help. The result he got, the first round, no less, was a wish. "I wish the meanies attacking big brother would go away!" The Moon was deemed an adequate place by the GM. * In a steampunk home game loosely based on [=DnD=] 3.5 and Spycraft, the party was supposed to fight a ridiculously overpowered cleric and a slightly psychotic gunbunny (plus reinforcement mooks) for the final fight, so that we could retrieve a powerful artifact and save the world. Instead, our cleric talked the city's animals into creating a distraction so that two other characters (one of which was our rogue/wizard) could waltz in and steal the thing. We skipped the whole final boss fight. * This troper was determined to thwart any possibility of DungeonBypass, so she hid the artifact containing the villain's Only Weakness in the dungeon. The players would ''have'' to go through the dungeon and fetch it before killing the BigBad. Unfortunately, she left a shortcut to the artifact for story purposes (the villain had an access route of his own), and the players managed to use the shortcut

to get the artifact. * [[{{Nomic}} This troper]] was playing a game of Warhammer40000 with the new Planetstrike expansion with him as the attacker. He wtached his enemy place bastions on one short tabe edge, then place lines upon lines of barricades and gun emplacements in front of them, so that this troper's tanks non-deepstriking infantry would have to travel all the way across the board while taking fire from his troops covering behind the barricades. Cue suprised looks when this troper pointed out that in Planetstrike the atatcker gets to choose which tabe edge their reserves arrive, and proceeded to bypass all of the carefully laid-out defences. * This troper's group ''specializes'' in Dungeon Bypass. In one adventure, our group--consisting of an ogre with a + 11 to climb and a homebrewed, dormouse-ish rodent with a ''+ 17 to climb'' simply scaled the outside of the tower we were supposed to ascend. ** Even more memorably, we did this for a ''Spycraft'' campaign. After crashing into the courtyard of a (supposedly abandoned) medieval castle and wiping out the patrols there with gratuitous use of automatic weapons, we still had to clear out the castle itself. After we noticed a few objects under tarps, the following exchange took place: ---> ''Troper: What did you say were under the tarpaulins in the courtyard?'' ---> ''GM: Flak 88s.'' ---> ''Troper: Search check! I look for their ammunition...'' ---> ''GM: Yeah, it's in the guardhouse. You find 'em.'' --->[[StuffBlowingUp Guess what happened next.]] * So, there's a Dragon Turtle in the lake at the bottom of the well, yeah? The lake's full of Unholy Water, and there's only one Evilaligned character in the party. Do we all jump in the well and have a really hard fight? Nah, we just take the well and surrounding floor apart with the Dwarf's axe, stone by stone, until we have a clear view, and hit the thing with a BalefulPolymorph (from a Rod of Polymorph that had been randomly rolled up as treasure earlier). We took the resulting frog back with us. * This troper's only D&D campaign started in a room with a hole 70 feet in the ceiling. We must have spent ten minutes working out that we could use the druid's spider climb, his fifty foot rope, and this tropers fifty foot rope (we both brought these independently) to go through the hole. At this point, the DM finally convinced us to use the door. * Earlier in the campaign with the Illithid TotalPartyKill, this troper's party came across a door our tank couldn't bust through, so this troper said "Can't break down the door, go for the wall!" everyone stared at him for a couple seconds before laughing. The mage then cast a "Detect Magic" spell and discovered that the whole of the building was covered in what was basically a forcefield. This troper still wonders if that was just because he thought to break down the wall. (We dispelled the shield and went in through the door anyways) ** Also, in a different campaign, a player was allowed to have to a Psychic from the Green Ronin D20 supplement. In one of the dungeons,

the character brainwashed a Dual-Wielding Drow (which we started referring to as "the Cuisinart") and when he died against a twelveheaded Cryo-Hydra of Legend, she brainwashed ''that.'' Unfortunately, we had to leave the hydra behind, because it was too big for the doors in that room. Thankfully, the Psychic could also teleport stuff, ''including the hydra!'' This was taken advantage of when she failed to brainwash the Illithid in the next room. It was also used to clear a path through thousands of devils/demons to reach a tower that we scaled in record time. * I recall reading about a group of D&D players who bypassed a puzzle by purchasing adamantine weapons and carving straight to the center of a mountain. * In a 3.5 [=DnD=] campaign this troper's party did a DungeonBypass in a forest outside the lair of a villain by agreeing to serve him when we were expected to fight our way through. DM was forced to improvise the rest of the way through turning an epic battle into a drinking contest against a dragon. [[CrowningMomentofAwesome And we won]]. * This troper recently played in a 3/3.5e D&D campaign using the Book of Vile Darkness in which the DM threw about 500 forest trolls and one suped-up mountain troll at a druid, cleric, fighter, paladin/rogue, and firearms-wielding ranger (average of 7th level). Cleric's fireball spell "backfires", all but about 20 forest trolls and the mountain troll die by meteor shower. Put oil everywhere and light the other forest trolls on fire; mountain troll gets talked down by charismatic cleric. Formerly all-session fight: 30 minutes tops. Over 10,000g in their encampment + wondrous items. * This Troper plays with/[=DMs=] a group composed of physicists, engineers, and all around SCIENCE! nerds. Let me put it this way, Level 6 party defeated the BBEG who they shouldn't have faced til around level 17. How, you may ask? Move Earth spells and about a week of hiding in the nearby forest. Created a fucking sink hole a few hundred stories deep under the enemy base. * A few friends and I were playing in a Ravenloft-setting D&D game. We were to find the book that held the secrets of some powerful vampire, and give it to the cursed one who didn't want to be a vampire (And on which my Rogue had a crush on). We infiltrate Big Bad's castle, the book is awfully misplaced in the cottage on the outer wall, and the vampire swoops in to obliterate us all. Our gypsy rolls a critical hit, maximum damage at point blank. Vampire's hp meant to make us flee with the book in our hands: 100. Damage caused by our SEVERELY downleveled gypsy: 200. The DM laughed so hard he turned all of Ravenloft into a comedy setting after that. * This troper was playing a game set in Crusades-era Europe when our team had to go to the area now known as Switzerland for some reason. According to the game rules, this would have been about a 6 day walk from our current position. My character had a "Holy Strength" ability, so rather than go through that I rolled the ability. One natural 20 later, there was a hole in the Alps big enough for our entire party, including horses, to walk through. * This troper is a GM, and loves developing interesting [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Magitek Magitek]] for his campaigns. One of my ideas was capturing a fire elemental and using

the heat it gives off to create power (boiling water, etc.). So, a large enemy warship had one of these to power its magical cannons. The [=PCs=] get aboard, with the mission to "disable" the vessel (I expected the sword-happy players to kill everyone). Instead, we get this: --->"Wizard: So, this is a magical reactor or something? Can I target it with my acid fireball?" --->"GM: The reactor is covered in magical wards. It cannot be destroyed in such a way." --->"Wizard: I target the floor underneath it." ** Result: sunken ship, happy [=PCs=]. * One of this troper's friends was DM of a campaign in which the player characters were all gods, with all that entailed. This troper was playing a Druid/Bard Nature/Fertility deity whose animal companion had been killed earlier in the campaign, and ended up going one on one with a Dire Preying Mantis about the size of a mountain, with a ridiculous amount of HP, that was blocking us from entering a dungeon. The conversation went like so: --->Me: "I attempt to communicate telepathically with the preying mantis." --->DM: "The mantis isn't intelligent enough to respond to your communication." --->Me: "Oh, in that case...I cast Dominate Animal." --->DM: "All..right...The mantis is dominated." --->Me: "I begin preparing the ritual to create a new animal companion." ** Long story short, when the rest of the party caught up (I had been scouting ahead)they found me seated on my new Animal Companion's head. * [[@/{{griffon8}} This troper]] played in a {{GURPS}} {{Traveller}} campaign in which we needed to take control of a DysonSphere. Included in this would be bringing the central star back up to full power (it was a pretty dim continuous twilight). The civilization inside had been in decline for quite awhile, but the first natives we met were able to point us in the right direction. They also agreed to send a small group to accompany us on our journey. This brought us to the first (completely intentional) DungeonBypass: the natives expected that the group starting the journey [[GenerationShips would not live long enough to complete the trip]], and was quite surprised when my engineer managed to restart one of the old transport rails, turning a trip of centuries into one of hours. ** Then we arrived at the [[ItsAllUpstairsFromHere main control tower]] (it was a significant fraction of an AU in height). Literally thousands of levels with hundreds of factions controlling various parts of it. Did we spend the next several game sessions negotiating treaties with factions for access and fealty once we got to the top? [[{{Flight}} Not when there's the central axis core.]] *** To top it all off, when I (the engineer, remember) got the place working again, [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome I got]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny to say,]] "CueTheSun". * This Troper has an artificer that has a habit of doing this. After the gm banned teleportation [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial (for reasons absolutly unrelated to its particular abuse during dungeon crawls and

boss fights) ]], he had to develop some new tricks, including liberal use of the [[StuffBlowingUp Explosive metamagic feat]] and less known spell like Battering Ram. One case took us into an old, very messed up cript to chase after a lich that attacked our headquarters. We hit a door that wouldn't open no matter how hard we hit it (our fighter tried), and it was magically sealed. Then I thought for a bit... --->Me: ... What's the wall made of? --->GM: Uh, old masonry I guess? --->Me: Ok then. I pull out my wand of explosive fireball. --->GM: Ooooh boy... * [[Tensa-chan This Troper's]] first boss battle involved trying to get to a mage summoning a powerful elemental at a platform atop stairs while half a dozen guards waited for us on the way up. Cue two eladrin and a monk teleporting/flying up to the mage and our sniper taking potshots while our tanks (and the rest of our strikers) kept the guards occupied. The mage died in two or three turns and never got to summon the boss. The guards soon followed. Our next fight (against ''rats'') was more difficult. ** A different campaign; dragonborn paladin has the ability to mark up to 49 different creatures in an encounter, probably all at the same time. If the target does anything other than attack the paladin (that includes opportunity attacks), he will ''steamroller'' you, which translates into 5 radiant damage. Cue 11-17 undead minions popping up. Dragonborn marks all of them. Rogue comes next, double moves and provokes opportunity attacks. Due to the mark, before any of them can connect, the minions all take 5+ radiant damage and die. Quickest fight ever. * This troper party was once captured and imprisoned in the top of a 30-story tower, with the DM's intent being for us to have to fight our way down. One window and a simple Feather Fall spell later... * This troper has two from D&D 3.5, though both are very similar. The first one involved our party freeing a border outpost that had been taken over by orcs; most of the orcs weren't there, but were in their lair, a cave leading inside a nearby mountain. Rather than fight the whole of the orcish forces, my sorceress merely collapsed the cave entrance with a well-placed Disintegrate spell and the party proceeded to clear out the outpost with no worry about possible reinforcements. When we left, the army had arrived and set up siege weapons in front of the cave entrance waiting for the orcs to clear the blockage. ** The second one involved us needing to retrieve an ogre warlord's axe for a nobleman in order to get something the party needed. My sorceress didn't feel like fighting all the ogres and going through their mountain base, so she didn't want to be there any longer than necessary. Unfortunately, this particular party had a love for careful analysis, measured planning, and round-table tactical debates. So while the party stood outside the cave entrance deliberating what to do, my sorc caused a massive cave-in with a combination of Disintegrate and Transmute Rock to Mud, then polymorphed into an Ethereal Filcher, walked through the debris while ethereal, took the axe off the ogre lord's dead body and teleported back outside with it. She was back before the party had even figured out their battle plan. * Fourth edition (and especially Essentials) seems to be based far

more around specific encounters and battle-stats than things like trying to break down walls, deal with specific environmental hazards and the like. Still, with a couple of creative DM choices, our group has had some very... Interesting situations. Usually either being an entire band of [[MagnificentBastard con-artist master tacticians]] or just steam-rolling anything in our way. Three stand-out examples: ** After defeating a juvenile white dragon (solo creature, our level) and its mother (solo creature, three levels over us) with impudent ease, we have to call the game for the night. The DM spends the entire week before our next session laying out a map of the dragon's lair... Only for the next game starting with the [[GoodIsDumb single-minded paladin]] LITERALLY bypassing the dungeon by refusing to explore it for its vast and semi-unprotected wealth, all because he [[HonorBeforeReason had a fetch quest to complete]], leaving the DM scrambling to come up with other encounters and plot for that week's game. ** Our next band of adventurers were questing through a rather expansive secret base, and so far had been having a merry time disarming traps and unlocking doors, until they got to one: it required one rogue to delay the trap, the ranger to pick one lock, and the monk (trained in thievery) to pick the other one, all at the same time. If any one of them failed, a force wave came up and knocked us all back across the room to start over. After the third failure in a row, the monk figured out the DM ''wanted'' a bypass; he used Soaring Eagle Strike, which both has a fly movement (getting over the trapped floor) and specifically has a bonus to damage against inanimate objects, to literally flying kick the door down. ** This time, I was the DM. As prelude to a jaunt through the Astral Sea, a band of Githyanki raiders had taken over a town, the leadership holed up in the town hall while the bulk of their army headed off to conquer another nearby village. Our ranger (now an Essentials Scout) blurts out "Hey, are there any carts around? And big bales of hay, or some other flammable objects?" Fortunately, we meet over voice-chat, because I'm pretty sure I went pale in the face. Also fortunately, the party leader decided instead to send the Revenant Vampire in to check things out by turning into mist and exploiting a downright obscene stealth roll to phase through the walls and check the whole place out. Upon finding mystical charts to the entire Astral Sea, it was enough to convince them to take the frontal confrontation I was expecting... And then they threw me for a loop anyway by instead ''subduing'' the leader of the Githyanki forces and recruiting/blackmailing her into using their charts and whole FREAKING army as a way to get into the hidden Githyanki home city of Tu'narath. * In a BESM campaign Edgy was in, one guy, a known game breaker, made a Changling who if transformed into his true form could basically warp reality. It was forced to transform and he beat a giant monster that was reserved for the party's Sentai to fight in a giant robot and all of the mooks. That pretty much ended the evening's session. ---You could have skipped all that reading and gone back to DungeonBypass by clicking the blue icon on the top of the page. ----

DungeonmastersGirlfriend [[redirect:TroperTales/{{ptitletgbpyix5}}]]

DwarfFortress * This troper just discovered a new, hilarious way to defend from siege: a narrow, zig-zaggy bridge being the only entrance. Unfortunately, it only works on dwarfs, but it's funny as hell. * VideoGameCaringPotential: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63861.0 I didn't have to make any of that up. I just read the fort's history. So much for it being "only a little 'd' on the screen." * This troper is still new to Adventurer mode. I started as a human in a fishing town in winter. The warlord didn't have anything for me to do, so I headed south for the next town. I soon realised that I was crossing a frozen sea. Then I started getting thirsty. In my previous attempts I'd subsisted on the blood of my kills, but [[SurvivalHorror that wouldn't be an option here]]. I just kept moving. Then, a corner of my vision turned to water for a step, then an ice wall. I backtracked to the wall and found a perfect rectangle of ice that hadn't been there before. Then night set and it kept happening. Some even had deep chasms running down their middles, and some were irregularly shaped. I had set out across an ocean and was being [[NightmareFuel stalked by ice fortresses]]. Then the ground beneath me turned to water... and I was encased in ice. * Apart from the usual "[[HoistByHisOwnPetard flooding your own fortress]] with [[PointlessDoomsdayDevice an elaborate magma trap]]" issues, [[@/{{sgrunt}} this troper]] witnessed an act of [[TooDumbToLive legendary stupidiy]] from a new hunter, who was being counter-attacked by its prey (a groundhog), whereupon he apparently committed suicide by leaping off the nearest cliff in fear: -->The Groundhog attacks The Planter but He jumps away! -->The Planter loses hold of[...] -->The Planter slams into an obstacle and blows apart! -->Bomrek Zaskel, Planter has died after colliding with an obstacle. * [[MadArtist Strange moods]] are apparently possible even when a dwarf is asleep. One can only envision a CatapultNightmare-ish effect. * DissonantSerenity: A farmer remained happy after her left arm was ripped off by a giant olm; possibly because the hand at the end was already gone and she didn't miss it. She didn't even visit the doctor, she went home, had a drink and went to bed. ** This troper had a dwarf named after him as part of a succession fort. The dwarf I got was female and migrated into the fortress with her husband and two children. Toward the end of the year the youngest got stolen away by a baby snatcher. Almost not too long after my dwarf got hit by a Fey Mood and made a rather nice artifact glass table. When the save file was posted at the end of the year I used Dwarf Therapist to see my dwarfs stats. Her happiness level was [[OverNineThousand over one thousand]] because of the artifact she

made despite losing her daughter. For reference, the second highest in the fortress was around 300 and I believe the average happiness level is 120. * HandicappedBadass: A hero's companion got it bad during a fight, losing the use of his foot and losing his hand completely. He survived after killing the swordsman who disabled him and went on to kill three more soldiers at a later date before finally bleeding to death. Then the hero goes and gets his arm nerves severed, obliterating his career as a swordsman, but the axewoman who did it to him was still alive. He ends up biting her arm half off before kicking her into death. He finally died from a pike to the face. ** My hunter also once lost his hand, not hindering him to going to the caverns and killing every creature he encounters, finally being killed by a giant cage spider as ran out of bolts. Now he lies in a gold sarcophagus in is own heavily engraved tomb. * [[Tropers/{{Nemica}} This troper]] got a lot of comments like this: -->''Guy:'' It's kinda like the matrix. It's all letters and signs, but eventually you only see the blondes and the brunettes... -->''Troper:'' Yep. Exactly. ** These comments were milked even further by a friend who, making Let's Plays, has a huge repartoire of funny phrases. * ThisTroper once had an adventurer who was near-invincible. He would just run into camps, stab everyone in the face who tried to oppose him, kick the leader onto the ground, and chop up the leader to pieces. He would then go rifle through all of the camp's goods, and if any survivors tried to attack him, he would just turn around, chop off a limb in one strike, and go back to what he was doing. The only serious threat to him was the glaciers of the south - he lay down to sleep and woke up as an olm. * This troper once made a 16 z-level tower of ice. He then ''built his entire fortress on top of it''. Thank you, unrealistic stability and temperature programming. * [[@/{{Fishsicles}} This troper]] just had a named ettin pay a visit to his fortress. While I mobilized my military, one of my axedwarves managed to get to it ahead of the rest. The ettin ripped off the poor dwarf's right hand, which happened to be holding its axe. Expecting the dwarf to [[CurbStompBattle be summarily defeated]], I was about to cancel its orders when ''[[IAmNotLeftHanded it picked up the axe in the other hand]] [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome and started whaling on the ettin]]''. Then, with the assistance of its squad, began to chase the ettin all over the map, leaving trails of blood behind it. The first major injury (red text on "wounds" screen) that the ettin suffered? ''[[HoistByHisOwnPetard To the right hand.]]''. (Urist Mc{{Badass}} was discharged from the army due to severe injuries after the battle. A memorial to the ettin would be placed in his quarters.) ** My next fortress, Ringviolence, was just attacked by goblins; after they routed my ill-equipped military (damn you, new iron shortage!), the entire force of twelve was defeated by three cage traps (nine left), a yak and [[KillerRabbit a cavy]] (eight left), two stonefall traps (six left), and a set of pressure plates and a steel warhammer weapon trap (one left). The last goblin attempted to flee... only to walk into a heavily-armed elven caravan. [[TheQuisling Well hello

there, tree-loving friends!]] *** An update: The elven merchants were unarmed. ''They beat the goblin to death with their bare hands.'' * [[Tropers/{{Eyclonus}} This Troper]] once had (thanks to a friend making a slight modification to elephants), HFS erupt onto the surface and then be beaten back by a horde of elepant guardians that proceeded to punish the foolish dwarfs that dared to disrupt the balance and started another, separate war with Elves, pinning the results on the meddlesome dwarfs. Do you have an idea how hard it is to stop Elephants that breed almost at near cat-like levels? * ''"Some migrants have arrived, despite the danger."'' "The Danger" consisted solely of the previous mayor, who threw a tantrum for some reason or other (I probably forgot to make his latest quota of buckets or something), vandalised his own office, [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone accidentally killed his only friend]], and ended up with a broken arm, a chest wound and a 301-day jail sentence. On the bright side, the jail had pretty walls, so he balanced out to "content". * In [[Tropers/InsanityPrelude my]] latest fort, a miner was killed by a troll when I first tapped the caverns. When the dwarven caravan came, I was designating items to take to the depot when I noticed one of them was a figurine of the dead dwarf. The description: ''This is a figurine of 'Prima' Blazeinked and butterflies in phyllite by Oddom Urdimsigun. 'Prima' Blazeinked is surrounded by the butterflies.'' [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming Aww]][[TearJerker ...]] ** In this same fort, an unarmed, un-military wax worker killed a helmet snake by charging it, sending it flying into a wall. * Some time ago I was attacked by a Forgotten Beast in form of a giant snail with bat wings. It died being bitten to death by my militia captian. * This troper builds Golden Sarcophagi for the Noble's tombs. Why? Because gold is pretty, gaudy, and [[TakeThat very]] [[FridgeBrilliance useless]]. ** Gold has a pretty high material value, too, which bumps up the standard of the room more quickly, thus meeting their 'needs'. * This troper had his fort attacked by a rather famous Cyclops. The Cyclops saw his first target of opportunity: A lumberjack. Thinking it was an easy kill, he chased him against a cliff. The terrified lumbjerjack was able to slice off one of the Cyclops's legs. He lost his axe in the process, but instead of letting the militia finish him off, he stayed there and stomped on the Cyclops's face...47 times. It was literally, a CurbstompBattle. * Both of [[@/TheHeroHartmut this troper's]] experiences with the appearance of a giant(ess) turned out to be rather underwhelming. ** The first time, the giant that arrived killed my engraver, and was too busy strangling my surgeon to notice that my (relatively poorlyequipped) militia was killing '''him''' (and the surgeon even survived, though a trip to the hospital was necessary). ** The second time, a giantess had seen fit to destroy my settlement's trade depot. And she succeeded, but had to cross a line of weapon traps to do so. She then stumbled out, passing through them again, sustaining further injuries. And then my militia ''chased her back in''. '''''And out again'''''. She pretty much got eviscerated, and

was easy pickings. Her body lay on the drawbridge, so I flipped it away for laughs. * @/{{Yuihime}} had a fort, Fightworked, whose migrants arrived not ten tiles away from a newly-arrived ettin. A cheesemaker was immediately killed... and his pet peachick, Ezum Laboredsneak, promptly proved her chops as a feathery ActionSurvivor by distracting and fleeing from the ettin until the army arrived to kill it. Over the next year, she flushed out and similarly evaded a giant, two kobold thieves and at least four goblin ambushes (two simultaneously). Then she matured and settled down on a nice nestbox in the hen house. ** A more recent fortress, Craftgates, was attacked by a Forgotten Beast whose blood... remember [[LudicrousGibs that]] [[GoryDiscretionShot scene]] in ''{{Cloverfield}}''? Every army dwarf on the scene [[OverdrawnAtTheBloodBank exploded into a shower of red]], spread the offending substance further, and caused even more casualties, [[ItGotWorse followed by the usual tantrum spiral]]. It was FUN. * This troper had a cave-in 116 floors below ''at the very beginning of the game'', with the cavern fully out of view. Several in-game years later, I found Hidden Fun Stuff. I didn't even have to get cotton candy.

DysfunctionJunction * This actually happens, for example, this troper has a huge dysfunctional family, and her friends are either [[MagnificentBastard megalomaniacs]], [[{{Wangst}} depressed]], [[FairlyOddParents have bloody strange parents]], [[ImAHumanitarian attempt to gnaw her arm off]] or are just... [[TheNorm normal]], which is itself a dysfunction. ** Wait, WTH? * This troper is continuously amazed at how many of her friends and classmates have dysfunctional families, usually in the form of abusive fathers. It's far from unheard of among her blood relatives, too. Meanwhile, her own family is so disturbingly idyllic that some associates have actually speculated on what manner of horrible dysfunctionality we must be hiding. * In a bit of a Subversion, THIS Troper actually feels BAD because he had a relatively good childhood, with loving and supportive parents and a good sibling relationship, compared to many of his friends of coworkers. ** This Troper has had that problem as well, although she does have a batshit crazy extended family which she doesn't see very often. ** Same here. My life isn't exactly milk-and-honey either (example: I actively avoid my dad, and plan on moving really far away once I can have my own house, which has cause many an argument). But compared to some people I know, its not too bad. * Apparently, the TroperIRCChannel. * My family. My mom is bipolar, my dad is [[BewareTheNiceOnes nice until he goes psycho on your ass]], and I have a mental issue/issues unknown as of now. My mom has three brothers, two of which are druggies and batshit insane, and one that is comparatively normal but

[[ClusterFBomb swears a black and blue streak]] ''in front of his 8 year old daughter'', and their mom is a deranged artist. The rest of my family is either dead or in other countries. Aren't we a BigScrewedUpFamily. * Well, my family, and friends, are pretty much the definition of this. My maternal grandmother is an alcoholic who hides her whiskey in Diet Coke bottles, cheated on her husband with my biological grandfather, and killed her husband to please her lover. My mother, one of two children that came from the affair, is emotionally unstable, is getting out of her second marriage now, is an exalcoholic, and had a nasty habit of screaming at me for little things when I was young. She also threw a bicycle helmet at my head. Her brother is a clinically depressed janitor who mops floors for a living, is dominated by his nasty wife and her brat son, and has a druggie son who barely provides child support for his kids. My paternal grandmother is a cold woman who was talking about a cute dress she saw the other day the day her husband died. My uncle is an otaku who is in his late forties and lives in his mother's basement. My aunt, the most normal on my father's side, has 4 kids, one of which ended up being a sex offender. My father is dead, but apparently was a diabetic chain-smoker, according to my mother. My friends include a sex-obsessed lesbian with daddy issues, a delusional girl who lies a lot, a neurotic guy obsessed with homework, and a girl who made a bomb threat to our old high school who we kinda ignore. I am not any less dysfunctional than them though. I am on medication for depression, have arthritis at 18, vary between insomnia and sleeping too much, was horribly bullied until high school, am gay, and have extremely bad ADD. That's just the big stuff. I could write a novel on the little stuff as well. * ...it's mild or at least ''significantly subtler'' by the standards of this page, since my parents aren't abusive and none of us are ''complete failures at life'', but this troper's family is pretty dysfunctional. ** My mother takes the "my way or the highway" approach to everything, to the point of refusing to listen to criticism at all, and has basically no empathy for me (except if whatever's causing me distress is something she also finds disagreeable, which doesn't happen too often). ** My father is the closest thing to a ReasonableAuthorityFigure we've got, but absolutely refuses to mediate between me and my mother even though it's effectively impossible for me to get her to listen on my own, and -- although he no longer attempts to actively ''stop'' me, just tries to guilt-trip and/or scare me into compliance whenever the topic comes up -- makes no secret of the fact that he would, essentially, prefer it if I never left the house after sunset. My mother is more laid-back in this regard. (Both of them are very worstcase-scenario people, but for different categories of risk: my dad sees disaster on the horizon whenever I'm downtown/out after dark/both, and my mom expects every physical stunt to end in injuries or broken furniture or both.) I'm reluctant to apply the trope OverprotectiveDad, though, because he doesn't seem to have any problem with the idea of me ''dating''.

** My sister started out as a SpoiledBrat DevilInPlainSight who could get away with murder, being the parental favourite. She grew into an obnoxious fangirl with the self-awareness of a herring, and up until quite recently displayed a bizarre navete. And while she's ''relatively'' less bratty than she used to be, she's still arrogant (in standard teenage fashion), very selfish, and will noticeably act much nastier -- ClusterFBomb ahoy, in particular -- when our parents aren't around. Although, honestly, I hate her a lot more than is really proportionate to how she acts in the present, even accounting for the fact that I'm forced to spend ''way'' too much time in her presence; most of it comes from the fact that she represents just about everything I hate, or would hate to ''become'', in one convenient package. (This sounds like hyperbole, but I'm dead serious.) ** And, finally, this troper herself is a ''far'' cry from the poor sympathetic [[TheWoobie Woobie]]. I'm the absolute epitome of InsufferableGenius and TheSnarkKnight, with a habit of insulting everything that displeases me. Although I keep it to standard DeadpanSnarker fare these days, as a child I would viciously attack every false step my parents made that affected me (I don't do this anymore because I don't have the energy for a long, painful fight every time... and also because I've realised parents are ''people'', who are both fallible and worthy of empathy, rather than some kind of distant vengeful gods). And I'm the only thing standing in the way of the three of them being a completely normal family. (Originally this was because my combination of anger issues -- picture a prepubescent [[TheBerserker berserker]] and you'll have the gist of it -- and precociousness made me a major burden on whom normal parenting techniques were unreliable at best; now I'm just a mood-souring sarcastic jerkass.) * [[AXavierB This troper]] comes from a (mostly) normal, stable family, but that doesn't mean we aren't dysfunctional in some aspects. Most of my family are Christians who think I'm crazy/being deceived by Satan for believing science before the Bible. We're all black, so naturally my family preferred corporeal punishment; I wouldn't call it abuse, but I still feel bad that they chose to discipline us that way and I kind of resent them for it. Also, my parents and I rarely see eye-to-eye because they have this whole {{tough love}} shtick and like to use BecauseISaidSo on me, which pisses me off to no end. And I'd like to see my little brothers break a few bones, because they're horrible little monsters who get away with everything and think I'm supposed to do what they say when they say because it's somehow my "responsibility" as their older brother to answer to their every beck and call. Maybe my situation isn't so remarkable and that's just typical family interaction, but it's not like I have another frame of reference. * Between the depressed, clingy mother who has the constant need to take every bad thing that happens and make herself the victim, the emotionally abusive, insomniac diabetic father, and the extended family in which everybody keeps dying and everybody else is depressed as a result of that, I'd say this troper has a pretty substantial example. Also, we're all alcoholics.

* [[TroperTales Many of the darker entries on troper tales imply that this ''entire website'', or at least this portion of it, is this trope.]] [[{{Bones}} What are we, the land of misfit toys?]] ** While it's impossible to know, one could probably take a guess that it's just the law of averages at work. That is: Someone has experienced something nasty in real life. Said person reads about it on TVTropes and goes to Troper Tales to share their experience. Given the shear number of people in the world; and the nastiness of it at large... I guess I'm saying it's not a surprise that people with problems congregate wherein said problems are described. * This troper's family is defintely this trope. My mom, for a really long time, was a drug addled, manic depressive nitpicker, who snuck alcohol to my wedding reception despite us having a dry one for my husband's family (they're Mormon). My real dad left when I was a year old, and when I was 11, I got an abusive, alcoholic, rage filled stepdad as a replacement. My little brother (half), pays kids to do his homework, can barely read, and is growing up with the same sort of rage that his dad has. My extended family can't stand each other, and family reunions become either drunken brawls or passive-aggressive snarkfests. My husband's family? Eat dinner together, pray, have movie marathons for fun, sing together, and genuinely love each other. It's eerie to be around them, considering what I grew up with. * This Troper grew up in psych wards and group homes. Just try entering one of those; basically EVERY girl has children due to incest rape from their male relatives. One thirteen year old girl was gang raped so bad that she had to get surgery on her vagina, and that's not even the worst. * The joke among my classmates at college is that if there are normal people here, we certainly don't associate with them. Almost everyone is either mentally ill or has a chronic physical illness. It probably comes of the fact that it's a [[OneGenderSchool women's college]] in the middle of nowhere, so it seems like a safe place to send your beloved [[strike:misfit toy]] daughter. What people don't take into account is that if you come here normal, your classwork ''will'' make you otherwise. The girl who lives directly under my room keeps having to borrow my nail clippers. It took me a while to realize this is because if she had her own, she'd self-harm with it. So every time I put it in the pulley bucket (yes, we [[MacGyvering MacGyvered]] a pulley!), I fret until she sends it back up. And since about 50% of the people here are [[CastFullOfGay gay]] or [[EveryoneIsBi bi]], there's a lot of {{Gayngst}}, too... * This troper's friend used to live with a family unit that seemed out of a reality tv show- said friends fathers girlfriends husband (an elderly man she's still leagally married to) lived in the garage underneath the house all the while his wife and her boyfriend were for the lack of a better word 'together' and from what little time this troper spent with the friends family the were even weirder than the friend described, this tropers friend has fortunately moved out since then. * Lampshaded in this troper's group of friends. As my friend frustratingly exclaimed: "Why are no one we know happy or normal!?" * This troper's friends and family fit this trope to a tee. Some are

megalomaniac, some are super-narcissistic, some have self-worth issues, some have parent issues, some have anger issues. Sometimes this troper wonders why he and his friends [[NeonGenesisEvangelion don't all pilot giant robots]]. * ThisTroper's family. Oi... Not as bad as some people's; but let's see here... My mom's side of the family has various psychological disorders sprinkled throughout. This includes a fair helping of OCD (most prominently in my mom and myself, but present in my grandma and brother to a degree as well), one schizophrenic aunt, heaps of depression, alcoholism aaaaand one member of said family was molested by a priest. Except it happened long before the last decade of abuse scandals, so when he spoke up (1970s - born in the late 50s) - so needless to say he wasn't believed; and that spiraled into drug abuse in addition to alcoholism. Now that he's kicked both of those habits he's got a gambling addiction. (Worst thing? He's a fantastic guy.) Note how this is just the mom's side of the family? It's the small side. My dad's side (or rather, specifically my dad with the rest having these in much smaller increments) has... yet more alcoholism, drug abuse (both my dad before he cleaned up); also TheFundementalist (my dad AFTER he cleaned up), tons of "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child" cranked up to 11. What's especially frustrating about that last bit, is while it was clearly abusive, most people don't see it that way because spanking is still considered fairly normal in most of the US. That it happened every day for the most minor of infractions doesn't seem to get through to most people. That it's left me pretty well unable to trust people further than I can throw them also tends to not matter. Oh yeah and ThisTroper's brother was molested by someone within the family. Did I mention my parent's divorce took 4 years because aforementioned dad actually fought it tooth and nail? And then there's me (hi!), with major depression, OCD, and a heap of other issues. The worst part of course being: It could be worse. For all that I still count myself pretty lucky. * Hoo boy, me and my girlfriend and our families certainly qualify. And I'm limiting this to us and our parents, if I went to her grandmother or to my grandmother, her brothers or their mother, the list would never end. ** I've been in chronic, seasonally varying depression since I was 7. I'm now 20. Also, I have history of eating disorders and escapism since stuffing food into my mouth and burying myself into books were the only ways to make myself happy. Oh yeah, I've been suffering from body dysphoria and major trust issues. I [[ApologisesALot apologise a lot]] to people and have hard time saying no since my parents were constantly fighting with my mum always using me as a tool to get my father to agree her ("Stop that, can't you see you're scaring your son?!") and my coping mechanism was making myself as small and pleasant as possible. I'm the normal one here. Also, I have to consider myself lucky since I've always known that no matter what, my mum [[MamaBear would defend me from anything]] and she would have never used me as a human shield, a luxury my girlfriend and her brother never had. The latter was once used as a human shield since their mother knew his boyfriend wouldn't hit the kids. ** My dad's an alcoholic who has been abusing all kinds of substances

since he was a child. Ditto for my uncle, who died of alcoholism ten years ago. And oh yeah, their mother is also an alcoholic so it clearly runs in the family. He used to get really drunk every single weekend (he probably does that even more now) and proceed to tell how me and my mum are lazy, good-for-nothing leeches that just live on HIS hard-earned money. My father's substance use and traumatic childhood (when chopping wood as a child, he hit his foot with an axe, and what did his parents do: yell at him for ruining his new shoes. Taking him to the doctor - out of question, that would've been expensive!) have left him empathetically on a child's level. And not a nice child either, think more in the lines of a school yard bully (who's strong as hell and two meters tall). His behaviour is highly narcistic. ** My mum is extremely pushy, overprotective and controlling emotionally. But she's actually kind of subversion since she's got over most of her problems! She was sexually abused as a child by her stepfather (her supposed real father) who also killed her puppy in front of her when she was three years old, used to be seriously depressed, has tried suicide, and... I'm sure she hasn't even told me the worst parts. And oh, she used to be the LoveMartyr for my father until he dumped her. After that her life (and mine, in turn, since she no longer needs to confide in me) has just improved. ** My girlfriend has been seriously depressed for years, has eating disorder, major trust issues, hard time saying no to people... Wow, we really suit each other! Quite a lot of her problems are thanks to her mother's alcoholic, abusive long time boyfriend (they've been together on and off for at least ten years, been married at least twice...) and the fact her mother was seriously depressed when she was young. She tried to commit suicide once, and my girlfriend was the one to find her. Did I mention that happened back when she was still in elementary school? ** My mother-in-law to be was also sexually abused as a child. When her mother found out, she called her own daughter a whore. Unlike my mum, she hasn't recovered from it. Doesn't stop her from using other people and scamming money out of them, though. * This troper's family is kind of like this, with a depressed parent, disabilities for yours truly and a father who is always concerned about his church before his own family D: * This troper's family. To start, her mother came from a very poor background where she had 7 siblings who were very poor and homeless and whose father (my grandfather) was abusive during the time due to the Vietnam War. She now has diabetes,but it is actually going away, Thank God. Unfortunately, she also has a condition that makes her somewhat bipolar, but never acts that way and she takes medicine for it. Her father had lost his father (my grandfather) when he was 8 by drowning and had when he was playing with his brother (whom he barely talked to growing up after I was born), was accidentally shot in the ee with a BB gun, rendering him blind in one eye. He and his two siblings were also poor and raised by a single mother. Also keep in mind that they were African Americans living in the south so they faced quite a bit of racism (Especially her grandfather, who was mixed). This troper's sister has Asperger Syndrome (Luckily, she is becoming more social and less introverted). This troper's brother is

probably one of the best off of the three of us and is spoiled rotton, as far as I know. And for this troper, before surgery a few years ago, she had strabismus in her left eye which caused her to become less self-confident and turn into a [[ShrinkingViolet painfully shy girl]] as she grew up, although she is slowly but surely coming out of her shell. Also, this troper is actually the second-oldest of the family, since her parents actual first child was born dead. Btw, this is this troper's immediate family, which, believe it or not, compared to the rest of her family, is doing much better off. She's thankful for the blessings her extended family may not have and that her immediate family is still together. * Me and my group of friends seem to be a lot like this. ** I am really shy and not good with people, also asexual, a bit of an AdultChild and the kind of person who is OlderThanTheyLook and I come from a big family (with a very complicated family tree!), where I always end up looking after the babies. I always worry about what people think of me, and I worry too much about things, when im not being silly and hyper. ** My best friend does not understand people very well, and a lot of people dont like him cause hes very sensitive and easily upset and when hes upset, he gets really angry. ** My other best friend is TheWoobie of the group, shes been in a lot of abusive relationships, got in an online relationship with a creepy stalker guy (and has since got a StalkerWithACrush who keeps following her round), with a very overprotective dad (stepdad actually, her real dad hasnt seen her since she was a baby) ** My other friend has various medical problems that she has to cope with, and she is in a relationship with a man who doesnt treat her well, but she doesnt think there is anything abusive about it cause he doesnt hit her, but shes still very upset by what he does, but worries about leaving him cause she doesnt have enough money to buy her own house. ** Theres other friends of mine who have issues too, including a guy who has problems from being abused by his father til he was 8, a girl with heart problems, several teen parents, and a girl whos a carer to her mom, who is ill. * This troper's ex-best friend and her family. First, there's the exbest friend in question. She first had sex at age 8. She's currently 14 and has had sex numerous more times, supposedly without her parents caring. Towards the end of sixth grade, she started a false rumor that she was pregnant and when the vice-principal confronted her about it, she lied and said she was raped. Her mother used to smoke, but promised she wouldn't do it anymore. She broke that promise. Her father once drove drunk and killed somebody. He also smokes. Her stepfather is a smoker who always wears the same clothes and plays online poker for a good portion of the day every day. He's been letting his Autistic six or seven year old son (ex-best friend's step-brother) play whatever M or A rated games he wants to. Her older brother is an underage drinker and used to be an underage smoker. He once blew up a street sign for kicks. Her step-uncles both smoke and never change clothes. I normally wouldn't have a big problem with everyone smoking, but I didn't yet mention that my ex-best friend is ALLERGIC to

cigarette smoke. Her grandmother tries to control a lot of her life. * This troper's RPG Group. The GM (me) is a Schizoid asexual, aromantic, loner who pretty much only sees the rest of the group when its time to play, Player#1 is an obssessive compulssive geek that can't make his mind about anything, Player#2 is an omnisexual histrionic control freak, Player#3 is a depressed and submissive jock, Player#4 is a perky goth with trust issues.Player#5 is actually a Jehovah witness that for some bizarre reason player with us, and is the normal one. * This Troper is under the impression that he can't be in any kind of close personal relationship (family, friends, etc.) without the relationship being completely dysfunctional. * This troper is a ShrinkingViolet who doesn't make friends easily, but my closest friends always end up having more problems than me, despite usually being more extroverted and seeming more normal. I'm a good listener, so maybe it's just that people really like to vent, and that everyone has problems. * This troper not even going to actually list his family members and their flaws because A)its probably nothing compared to everyone else listed on here, and B)it might confuse you. He'll just give you the basics: One TedBaxter, one BrattyTeenageDaughter, two TooDumbToLive ([[NothingIsScarier They're both married to each other.]]), one CompleteMonster, three EnfantTerrible's and TheAlcoholic. Want to know the funny part? That's not even all of them. Said troper is basically desensitized to all the crap that goes on around me and waiting until college. Probably why he's called "[[StoicWoobie The Good Boy]]". * This troper is feeling almost normal after reading the previous entries. Her father and stepmother are okay and those sides of the family are, too, although her paternal aunt sometimes seems a bit of a cloudcuckoolander. But then there's her mother, a chronically depressed sociopathic stalker who seems to regard everybody else as... things that should do anything she wants. Everybody else = her children and ex-husband. This troper's brother is still living with her and seems to be an epically stoic woobie. This troper herself has gotten mosly sane after not living the last three years with her. * This troper has discovered that she and her friends all qualify for this. One girl, who always seems [[GenkiGirl rather chipper,]] has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has had several awful moodswings when she forgot to take medication. Another is an AxCrazy StrangeGirl whom I worry about constantly from reading something she wrote talking about feeling alone and sad most all of the time. A wonderful boy with a sunny disposition apparently has a VERY DarkAndTroubledPast and has recently gotten over cutting, though his self-esteem could use work. This troper is depressed, hates herself with a passion, and self-harms. We somehow end up balancing each other out into being cheery and enjoying each other's company. ---Return to DysfunctionJunction here. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EagleEyeDetection * [[@/JusticeReaper I]] frequently have to do this, whenever my dad either misplaces his tools or wants me to help him find something around the house. [[WeCouldHaveAvoidedAllThis Why he never keeps his tools in one consistent place is beyond me...]]

----Now, hmm, where on this page could we find that [[IncrediblyLamePun missing link...]] [[supersecretspoiler:[[EagleEyeDetection Ah, here it is.]]]] -----

Eagleland * This troper has discovered that there are both types in real life, but type 2 just tend to be [[NoIndoorVoice much louder]]. * This troper thinks it's kind of annoying that people accuse Americans of being closed-minded when we have so many awful, AWFUL stereotypes leveled against us. (For the record, I'm so quiet in real life that people thought I was Canadian when I went there.) * [[Tropers/{{NaomiLawliet}} This Tropess]] isn't sure what she is. (Switches to first person)I am not anti-patriotic, when I travel outside of the US, I say that I am from America. I don't say the pledge of allegiance though, because I believe that patriotism cannot be conveyed through saluting an inanimate object. However, I have seen how incredibly brutal capitalism can be (my father was laid off and it was incredibly hard for him to get another job, something that would not have happened in a socialist nation due to necessary regulations). And, I am more of an Anglophile than an America-phile and plan to live in [[BritainIsOnlyLondon London when I finish school]]. * This troper has known international students (not being PC, that's their actual classification) who will happy say that most Americans are just normal people. Of course, the phrase [[ValuesDissonance "except unusually nationalistic, overly religious and with an economic and governmental policy that makes no sense"]] tends be to said in some variation with the Europeans that this troper has known, but he it writes it off to centuries of cultural development in different circumstances and accept them as generally good folks just trying to make it through the day despite the unintentional jab. * This American troper hails from the BigApplesauce. We don't get a lot of type 2's because as soon they show up we drop kick them right back to Texas. (kidding, kidding...) * This American Troper was hanging with a bunch a friends at a university known for its large International students, most of whom were playing cards. One kid began a video conference with his parents in Sri Lanka. We didn't hear the parent's end of the conversation, but the friend informed us that his mother had seen the three of us (this troper being the smallest American in the crowd at 200 lbs) and was concerned that he might have quit school and joined a group of American Thugs. We all found this hilarious (especially since the card

game being played was Magic) and insisted on being in frame during all his conference calls, vaguely talking about things in the trunks of our cars that are starting to smell and need to be gotten rid of.. Just goes to show you, it might be a negative stereotype, but Americans do find it quite funny. * Another conversation with the same friend ended with me shouting "AMERICA'S CHIEF EXPORT IS AWESOMENESS!" * [[Tropers/WeaselPants747 This American troper]] is quite happy to behave as a Type 2 Eaglelander for just long enough to catch people off guard when I switch to my normal reserved personality. ** [[Tropers/LittleSerge This Troper]], despite being ''Canadian'', happily bases his behaviour on StephenColbert when in public, just to mess with people. Like the above Troper, he's actually pretty reserved. *** [[AlterEgoActing Which one?]] ** This European troper has been known to frequent political forums, and in his (hopefully poorly representing of reality) experience the average American poster is a type 2 convinced they're a type 1. Clearly the nefarious work of the above troper. *** Isn't that basically the definition of flavour 2? *** Sounds like {{GIFT}} at work here. * This troper has seen, firsthand, the source of flavour two. A tourist who weighed at least two hundred kilos, red as a beetroot, and eating an ice cream sandwich (using the term loosely, since most of it was on her face). I would never have believed it had I not seen it myself. ** I feel for you. Every time I see one of them (which is often due to the area I live in) I keep thinking to myself "I'm not really an American, I'm actually a Canadian who was adopted long ago" wishing it were true. *** Hold it: You decided that this person was type 2 [[UnfortunateImplications based purely]] [[BeautyEqualsGoodness on her looks]]? I'm not sure you should be the one making these types of judgments. *** [[Tropers/BrendanRizzo This American Troper]] finds it much easier to suppose the ''opposite'', namely that [[NoTrueScotsman those kinds of people are the ones who aren't actually American.]] * When this troper went around Europe he discovered a decent number of both types, but found the type 2s stand out more because they tend to be [[NoIndoorVoice VERY LOUD]]. A memorable instance of type 2ism occurred in a cafe in Amsterdam. -->'''American:''' Do you have any freshly squeezed orange juice?\\ '''Waitress:''' I'm sorry? \\ '''American:''' [[LargeHam FRESHLY. SQUEEZED. OOOORANGE. JUICE.]] Do you even speak English? Do you know where the hell you are? \\ '''Me:''' ... ** [[Tropers/MutantRancor This American troper]] believes that the appropriate response to that is to turn the sarcasm UpToEleven and say "I'm sorry, sir, I don't speak a single word of Americanese. Could you please repeat that in International English or [any other language you happen to speak]?" *** [[Tropers/{{Wheezy}} This troper]], also American, would like to

point out a translation error. That customer was not speaking Americanese; he was speaking JerkAss, which is indeed an international language. In fact, it may be one of the most common ones. *** [[Tropers/{{TrevMUN}} This troper]] thinks you're just [[FlameBait asking for trouble]] if you go and claim that Americans are the only English-speaking people with their own variant of the language, with snark like that. [[Tropers/{{Wheezy}}]] has the right idea here. **** They are the only country I know that has mistakenly put the American flag next to the English language option. *** The thing that makes it all the more hilarious is that they were in [[WhatAnIdiot AMSTERDAM, in the NETHERLANDS, where they speak DUTCH]]. At least acknowledge the fact that the local language is not English, or alternatively ask "Hebben jullie nog vers geperst sinaasappelsap." *** Though it's most likely that the waitress spoke English, because WE ALL SPEAK ENGLISH! Don't ask why, we just do. * This Canadian troper has only been in two areas in the States over the past five years. The first was Miami, Florida, during a trip to South America that required changing planes. The second is the Northwest (Washington and Idaho) because this... okay, I'm going to have to use "I" a lot to convey this message properly... I live in British Columbia. Now in both places, the people were mostly nice, if quite prone to making mistakes on the job, which fortunately didn't apply to the police when my younger brother got lost in the Los Angeles airport (long story). In the Northwest, this troper couldn't even remember he was in the US until seeing anything with the US Mail logo on it, which happened more than once since the number of mailboxes I saw was unusually high. ** However, I encountered exactly ''one'' person who was definitely a Flavor 2 Eaglelander. In Silverwood theme park in Idaho, there were a lot of fat tourists, but I never talked to them so I'm not going to stereotype. But when my parents weren't there after getting off a roller coaster, I asked the clerk at the hotdog stand near where I saw them last if she'd seen them. This one fat caucasian guy in a hawaiian print shirt, who wasn't even next in line for getting something from the stand, says "Yeah, well maybe you've got bad parents!". Now complaining that I was holding up the line would have been one thing, but with that comment I was about to defend my parents abilities when they walked out of the restroom beside the hotdog stand. If he hadn't been in his own country, I swear that he'd just be reaffirming the opinion that Americans are lazy, arrogant jerks. *** You were lucky to only have to deal with one of them. Silverwood is usually packed with Flavor Twos (mostly from California, which isn't to say all Californians are like that). Had you asked the hot dog vendor about the tourist you'd have probably gotten either the same explaination as I just gave you or something along the lines of "fucking Californians" (depending on how old she was and how long ago it was). * This American troper is CONSTANTLY complaining about both types, but type 2 a little more so. Don't get me wrong: I love my country. I just hate the conservatism and certain restraining things about our culture that I never have to deal with over seas.

* As an American (I don't really identify as flavor 1 and certainly not as flavor 2) I'd just like to say that we're really just normal people. I've talked with Aussies, Brits, New Zealanders and other English speaking people from places like Japan and Mexico and I honestly haven't been able to tell them apart from Americans until they told me where they were from. Most of us are polite and openminded, but unfortunately there are some of us who are obnoxious and rude. ** You know, if you look at a perfectly blank piece of paper with one black dot on it, your eyes will inevitably be drawn to the dot. It's only the loud, obnoxious, rude people who get noticed, because they stand out. * As an American Troper living in the TheMiddleEast, my general experience has been that Americans who are traveling or living in much of the Arab world actively try to subvert this trope, especially since the negative perception of America in response to decades of support for Israel and the Iraq War. * This troper was in China 2 years ago, and was asked by a pair of girls "What kind of gun do you have?" This troper happens to be a crossbowman. ** Something similar happened to this troper's friend in a hostel in Germany. A German family asked to be moved to a different room because "they're Americans, they have guns." * As an American troper, I went to Europe on a cruise around the British Isles. There seemed to be quite a few elderly American [[JerkAss jerkasses]] who almost seemed to enjoy getting angry at the almost entirely non-American staff, who pretty much do everything but wipe your ass when you go to the bathroom. The workers on the ship are almost obscenely polite as part of their job description, too. * My handle is Eeglelander so it's natural for me to put an entry here. I like to think of myself as type 1 and try to be whenever I travel internationally or when talking with international visitors. Apparently I must be living in an alternate universe from the one the main page describes; because every time I go on a trip, people comment to my parents or bachelors on how polite we are. (Including our Grecian tour guide says most hotels prefer American guests to Greeks because we tend to be nicer; to the rooms, staff, and each other.) When my cousin was hosting a foreign student from Germany, she said she really liked it here and had been to more places across the U.S. than I have. I'm not being modest here I was surprised on both occasions. * This Troper's Brother In Law is a perfect example of type 2, don't believe me? check out [[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v57/JessicaRaven/IMG_2544.jpg ''this picture'']] bonus, the reason he painted the bike like that is "so everyone on the road will know I'm from AMERICA!" ** But is your brother-in-law an asshole? * This Dutch troper met an American couple on vacation in Italy. They must've been really aware of their image... -->'''Me:''' "So where exactly are you from? I can't place your accent..."\\ '''Husband:''' "We're from California."\\

'''Wife:''' "We hate Bush too." ** This troper and his family did this word for word on a ski trip in Canada while talking to a British couple. This was in 2003, too, at the height of Bush's popularity and long before hating him was the norm. It genuinely surprised them to hear Americans calling him a warmongering idiot...for 15 minutes straight. * This French troper works in a shop in a famous touristic place and is often in contact with US visitors. Suffice it to say she has come face to face with pretty much all flavours of {{Eagleland}}ers. I remember particularly obnoxious type 2s, who demanded to be given English versions of French movies that weren't even published abroad and said that it was poor service that our shop offered non-Englishsubtitled works in a touristic place. Not to mention they made more noise in the shop than the whole crowd of visitors. OTOH, she also remembers charming elderly Type 1s who were extremely respectful and unassuming and who understood perfectly that, in a non-Englishspeaking country, not everything is meant for English speakers. ** That's the thing about us Americans: When we go abroad, you never know what you're going to get. *** So, you're saying we're [[ForrestGump like a box of chocolates]]? *** ...Yes. *** And that's all I have to say about that. * This troper always feels really patriotic listening to country music...My thoughts on it are that we have an awesome country, but the people currently in power SUCK. ** You, too!? *** I can assure you that this isn't uniquely American in any way. I believe about half the world feels that way... * This troper had the misfortune of taking a day-trip across the Canadian border with an elderly fellow who insisted on wearing American flag-patterned suspenders. When we returned that evening, he made a point of remarking to the border guard about "how good it felt to be back in the country." * If anyone's interested, the reason that we in the US are so pitifully monolingual is that, besides Spanish, there are really no other languages spoken enough for the majority of people to learn. There are around 100 widely represented- if this troper wanted to learn the second languages spoken in her school, she would need to learn Mandarin, two dialects of Cantonese, Tamil, Urdu, Russian, Belarussian, German, and Hindi (and this isn't even a particularly diverse city), but these are really only spoken by a few people. Contrast to Europe, where kids de facto learn three languages before they can read because their mother speaks Provencial, their father speaks Italian, and their teacher speaks English. Also, many people in the southern US can manage quite good Spanish, but won't count themselves as speaking the language even if they can understand it perfectly, which skews statistics a bit. ** Quoi?! Je parle comme-i comme-a franais et resider en texas! [[DidNotDotheResearch Tu fais de la recerche!]] Mon dieu...it's not my first language, either. America has tons of different languages, most of which are available for the majority of people to learn. It's not that there's a lack of language, it's that there's a lack of

motivation. Colleges teach Arabic. ''Arabic.'' Some even teach Chinese, which has no discernible alphabet. America has languages everywhere, coming ''out the ass.'' *** I think the OP meant that even if all of those languages are taught in the US, there's no way to use them in daily life. This American troper speaks German, but I almost never use it, whereas in Europe, there's a lot more chances to practice using the language you're trying to learn. * [[Tropers/{{Somerandomdude}} This troper]] has an entire fake Canadian backstory cooked up in case he encounters any America-haters or obnoxious type-2's on his various international travels. * This (American) Tropette has encountered a few Type-1's, and hardly any Type-2's. However, my Human Geography teacher (who is American) firmly believes that each and every student is a complete Type-2, and it's her duty to instill 'proper' loving, accepting open-mindedness in us. She constantly reminds the class that Americans are all loud and wasteful. She treats international students like exotic curiosities, and won't let a day go by without interrogating the poor bastards about their region of origin. She seems to have decided that being nosy and intrusive and being a BoomerangBigot is "welcoming," and those of us who treat everyone the same, regardless of nationality or race, are "harsh" and "judgmental." ** This troper had an art teacher who firmly believed that all foreign students were such hard workers compared to Americans. It was amusing to see his world shaken when a German exchange student failed his class and left after the first nine weeks. * This Austrian troper, since having spent over a month in Texas, finds herself regularly defending the type-1s from her family. * I ''hate'' Type 2s. [[StopBeingStereotypical Can you PLEASE stop giving Americans a bad name, you bastards?!]] * Wariness and disgust of Type 2s is the reason that my family and I say, "We're from New York," whenever we travel internationally. And yes, I do mean the city. Foreigners are a lot more accepting of that. * [[http://kotaku.com/5674317/gamestop-robber-shot-dead-by-police Kotaku had an article about an armed Gamestop robber shot dead by police]]. Two separate people cried foul. Several other commenters and myself decided to correct their misconceptions; [[OnlyAFleshWound there's no safe way to shoot someone]], it's hard to shoot someone in what's traditionally considered a "non-lethal area" while they're running away, six bullets between four cops isn't much, assuming the single witness quoted a)counted correctly[[hottip:*:Different eyewitnesses counted different numbers of shots in other sources for the story.]] and b)all the bullets hit, resisting arrest is not a right, and that both commenters were jumping to conclusions. One accused me of "americanism", right after he had declared US cops were too trigger happy and I had destroyed all his arguments. I gleefully informed him that I was a Bahamian living in Britain, and that he was a bigot. The other basically insisted that cops should somehow be able to tell which of their brothers fired how many shots and which hit. I gave up on him. ** Incidentally, most of these Brits tend to mistake me for an American. I have a lot more American-sounding accent than most of my

countrymen. I've also decided not to use my BritishAccents here, which I normally do for fun at home, in case some Brit thinks the stupid American's taking the piss out of them and punches me in the face. * In the event that [[Tropers/{{Animenutcase}} I]] ever travel overseas, I have no intention of pretending to be from Canada or wherever. I'm proud of what I am and no one (Type 2s or foreigners assuming me to be a type 2) can take that from me. Of course, I'll be sure to learn the language and be as polite as I can. I am of the firm opinion that you should never visit another country without at least learning the basics of the language. * When this American troper was in eighth grade, they had an assignment to make up a country and draw a picture of it. While most of the students were making Candysugarymarysuefantasylands, I attempted to do a realistic poor country. Before I knew about TV Tropes, in my picture I drew some Type 2 {{Eagleland}} tourists smiling with cameras and umbrella hats with the poor citizens of the country selling rotting fruits in the background. I also drew one of the country's people with a [=McDonald's=] sweatshirt and no pants. Yeah, I didn't get a very good grade, stupid girl who glued candy wrappers all over her project beat me, but my country's picture and description was pretty bad anyway. On the plus side, I was the only one to give mine a flag and Coat of Arms. ** [[FridgeLogic Wait]]. [[FlatWhat What]]. Some dumbass gluing candy wrappers to her picture and making a stereotypical utopia bullshit thing thing beat you doing something against the norm that was unique and realistic? Especially when you went the extra mile and made both a flag AND a Coat of Arms? [[MindFuck What. The. Hell.]] * This troper feels there is some irony in the whole thing, considering so many foreigners claim to despise us here in the states, yet seem to love everything about us in the same breath. You want to make it big, where do you go? To the U.S. ** This troper thinks the irony goes even further, as the kinds of people who talk about how loud and obnoxious Americans are... ''[[HypocriticalHumor tend to be loud and obnoxious themselves]]''. While not always the case, entertainers like [[TopGear Jeremy Clarkson]] do come across as arrogant and overly vocal enough to pretty much pass for the very stereotypes they joke about to others. * Despite being Christian and British, This troper absolutley HATES the "Patriotic" Type 2's who assume all Muslims are war-craving, womanising, arab terrorists. Such hate may have come from the fact I grew up in the UAE, and that I'm good friends with a rather nice Muslim couple (Neither of who are Arabic. The husband is a Black Brit and the wife is a Singaporean, and she never wears a veil or gown.) But what REALLY hurts me is the comment section of a certain Cracked Article debunking several assumptions about Muslims made by Type 2s, and the maker of the article wanted people to be reasonable in the comments. Right off the bat, an incredibly rabid patriot makes some incredibly ignorant and outright racist comments about muslims (Even calling Mohammed a ''TERRORIST'') along with responses AGREEING WITH HIM. The sad thing is that I've met some genuinely nice Americans, it's just that it seems to me that for every nice American Person, there are twenty type 2s.

** It's not so much that there are more type 2s as it is the type 1s are a lot [[SilentMajority quieter]] and the type 2s are a lot [[VocalMinority louder]]. Also, if it was on Cracked, I wouldn't be surprised if the people making comments were trolls. *** I agree with above on both counts. The Type 1 Eaglelanders are usually much more quiet and polite than their type 2 counterparts, because of that they don't get noticed as often and even when they do they are usually forgotten about a lot sooner than the the type 2s. As for Cracked, it's known for having a ridiculously stupid comment section that loves to stir up trouble just because it can. Also, a healthy chunk of the commenters aren't American, so I wouldn't form my opinion of Eaglelanders based on that website, or any website for that matter. * This troper has always been against the idea of Acceptable Targets, so she has been trying to convince people to stop thinking all Americans are the second type. The problem is, America keeps proving me wrong. We had a [[ButNotTooForeign half-German]] exchange student from the USA who confirmed that those clique things at high school are real and not just Alluminium Christmas Trees, not to mention all the stuff on translated American TV. ** One person's experiences don't necessarily equal everyone's experiences. America as a whole is very diverse and just as a lot of different countries will interpret something differently, we have people who will interpret something differently within our own country. Technically, neither Type 1 or Type 2 are a completely accurate representation of what America is like. * This troper generally describes himself as an equal opportunity hater, but reserves special hatred towards Americans, mostly due to being exposed to Flavour 2 frequently at a young age. As such, he simply views almost all Americans (especially WASP people) as Flavour 2 unless they prove otherwise. He refuses to be identified as an American or play most FPSes because he would have to play as an American soldier and often expresses the wish to either destroy or simply leave America. Yes he can be petty. ** It's seems that the "equal opportunity" portion there is a bit disingenuous then, doesn't it? It seems that many times, self hating Americans exhibit many of the traits of the type 2's they frequently despise. Loud, aggressive, racially motivated and worst of all would rather stereotype than allow for an open mind. Damning a group until they "prove themselves innocent" is so close to typical type 2 rhetoric that the statement may as well be dripping in irony. This type of behavior however is fairly common in teenagers who either outgrow it or simply become bitter, regardless though, being petty is hardly a way to go through life. * This American Troper himself is mostly likely a mix of both of the types.I am not much of a JerkAss,more of a JerkWithAHeartOfGold actually.Also,I have values and morals,but not much patriotism.I don't really like the Type II's,even though I know to some people I tend to come off as one,[[MoodSwinger sometimes]].Its just while i'm a jerk,i'm very considerate of the feelings of others as well,but I don't like type I's better,because I believe "that anyone who accepts only the positive aspects of their nation,and not the negative

aspects,are lying to themselves.The fact that I can bounce back and forth between the two,puts me in the "Mixed" area. * This troper has been working on a piece where the premise is an [[DayOfTheJackboot aggressive, totalitarian]] slant on Type I. * Chinese troper born of foreign parents, and proud American patriot. He does try to be as polite to foreigners as possible to compensate for the Type 2 guys, but still gets kind of ticked off when antiAmerican foreigners assume all Americans are Type 2. ** The main thing this troper finds wierd is that you can critisize America all you want and there will be actual Americans who will back you up, but if Americans talk back, they're suddenly bigots. * This troper is half American/ half Canadian (Thanks Dad!). But I live in the US. When I traveled to Europe, I was very proud to represent my country, and acted as respectfully and attempted to be as courteous I could. When I was in Germany, I felt like a rockstar because everyone was so nice, polite and hospitable. When I was in France, I was treated equally nice, except for the bellboy at my hotel. While I may have been a type1 for most of my trip, the bellboy assumed I didn't know French, and dismissed me by saying "Good-bye, you !#$%ing stupid American." I slipped into Type-2 really, really fast. ** Well, in that case I think any paying customer regardless of nationality would be justified in being pissed and treating the jackass in kind. ---* Welcome to [[{{Eagleland}} America]], sir. You're in God's country, and government's [[strike:got]]stays off your back. Yee-haw! ** ''Fucking border hoppers! Go back to that shithole you came from! U-S-A! U-S-A! '''YOU-ESS-AY!''' WOOOOO!!'' [drinks a bottle of beer and smashes it on forehead] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EaglelandOsmosis * For years, this troper and friends had a RunningGag of breaking awkward silences with "soooo... how 'bout them Knicks?" ...We're from the UK. I can never even remember what ''sport'' the Knicks play... ** For the record, it's {{UsefulNotes/basketball}}. ** That's hilarious, because my friend and I say that exact same sentence for awkward silences, but with the Bears (though it switches between the team and the animal depending on what the response is). * [[{{Tropers/Betterthanstrawberry}} This troper]] often has to correct his friends' perception of his country's concern for citizens' health and safety. -->'''Friend:''' ''[after listening to a story]'' That's horrible! Why didn't the boy call 911? -->'''{{Tropers/betterthanstrawberry}}:''' He was probably too busy buying a crate of cigarettes for his dad or big brother or something. Or maybe because, you know, we have nothing even remotely similar to 911.

* Demanding to be "read your rights" is beginning to happen with some regularity in Iran, of all places. ** And though the French police don't need warrants to search houses, many people who watch American TV still ask, "Vous avez un mandat?" ** "Taking the Fifth" (i.e., the right not to incriminate oneself) is a fairly common idiom in Central Canadian English, even though in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, the fifth section refers to how often Parliament is convened. The closest approximate rights appear in sections 11(c) and 13, and mean that you can't be compelled to testify at your own trial... but if you choose to testify, you can't reject specific questions, even if they would incriminate you. Defendants can get themselves in trouble here if their lawyers aren't careful to explain this difference. *** For certain values of 'here'... ** Similarly, the nature and scope of rights available to Canadians upon arrests are quite different, which is frequent topic of discussion in law advisories. The Miranda Warning equivalent is to be told what you are arrested for, that you are entitled to legal counsel and that everything said may be held against you. Although you ''do'' have the right to remain silent, you do not have the right to be told so. *** This MAY not be an example. The US Bill of Rights is derived, in part, from English principles, most of which were in effect when Australia went from penal colony to colony. ***** None of which include such a law, that is a uniquely American one. ****** Note, however, that the "right to keep and bear arms" is not ''granted'' by the US Constitution; it is recognized as preexisting, and Congress is (at least theoretically) prohibited from restricting it. ******* The right to keep and bear arms was granted by an English law before that, & the English have curtailed it rather heavily since. ** Many [=DJs=] who tour internationally usually have their legalsavvy in check when performing at venues. Unfortunately for DJ Hypers, one of his gigs ended badly when he was arrested at Hong Kong for [[http://www.trackitdown.net/news/show/102338.html [=DJing=] without a work permit]]. He was reportedly abused by cops and treated to unnecessarily harsh conditions while in jail. ** Averted? Subverted? Something-verted in Ireland anyway, where the Garda (police officer) actually says something very similar to the Miranda rights: "You are not obliged to say anything unless you wish to do so, but whatever you say will be taken down in writing and may be given in evidence." *** The Irish Fifth Amendment, meanwhile, removed a controversial reference to the "special position" of the Roman Catholic Church in the constitution. ** The UK has enough home-grown police shows, including both dramas and documentaries, that at least [[{{YouDoNotHaveToSayAnything}} the warning you get when you're arrested]] (which is apparently the same as in Australia) is familiar to most people. *** British police shows are often used by the police for training in order to show police officers what not to do.

**** One major difference between the American and British formulations of post-arrest rights is that the bobbies specifically point out that not talking to them can look pretty dodgy to a British court; meanwhile, American law, on the other hand, permits silence on a defendant's part and ''forbids'' the courts from drawing a negative conclusion based on that silence. (Whether that actually works, given juries, is an open question. Of course, when the Miranda rights say "anything you say can be used against you" they mean ''exactly'' that: anything you say that helps you is inadmissible as hearsay.) ***** This was originally the case in England and Wales, too, but was removed with the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act of 1994. ** Of course, American political philosophy maintains that their Constitution ''enumerates natural rights'' rather than ''giving'' rights, as stated in the Ninth Amendment. The Declaration of Independence goes on to explain that all people have those rights by birth, whether their governments recognize that or not. This stance seems to be often forgotten in America, however, and whether or not these rights apply to non-Americans in American proceedings (e.g., trials vs. tribunals for enemy combatants, or rights of the accused for illegal immigrants) can be the subject of debate. *** ''Certain schools'' of American political philosophy hold that the Constitution enumerates natural rights. Note that the Declaration of Independence provides as a non-exhaustive list of rights with which all men have been endowed by their Creator as "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," saying nothing about any other rights. The "life, liberty, or property" construction of the Fourteenth Amendment echoes this. **** False. The US Constitution specifically says that the rights of the people exist independently and are not granted by the government. This is why some of the Founding Fathers opposed the creation of a Bill of Rights (they felt there was no need to make a list of naturally-occurring rights and they feared that enumerating their rights would limit them only to the rights listed in the Constitution) and why the Ninth Amendment was written. "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." ***** Certain schools, including the ones that the founding fathers belonged to. Just because they say the rights are preexisting doesn't mean they are. I can tell you that this sentence already existed and I'm just recognizing it by typing it, but most people would still disagree with me. ** It should be noted that the US Bill of Rights only talks about "the people", "the accused" or a "person". It never mentions citizenship, suggesting that it applies to all people in US jurisdiction. Additionally, the Declaration of Independence has no legal bearing on any laws of the United States, only a cultural and historical bearing. The 5th and 6th amendments are CLEARLY worded to apply to anybody on US soil. ** It also bears mentioning that the Miranda warning doesn't work that way in America either. A person has to be informed of their rights before interrogation for it to be admissible in court, but it is completely irrelevant to an initial arrest.

*** Same goes for search warrants, sometimes. A warrant is required in most cases under the Fourth Amendment, but certain Supreme Court cases (like Katz v. US or Terry v. Ohio) provide exceptions for a warrantless search. In the media (and probably real life), the most commonly used exceptions are exigent circumstances and hot pursuit. Exigent circumstances means "the police think a crime is happening right that second" and is what lets the cops draw their weapons and burst in when they hear screaming. Hot pursuit is just what it sounds like -- if a bad guy runs into private property, the police can follow him right inside since, obviously, if they had to stand outside and wait for a warrant to get there, the bad guy could ''keep running'' and get away. Oh, and if you allow a law enforcement officer to search your home, no warrant is required (so you can't call them on a "technicality" later if they find something). * An odd example of this is the American taxation law that states that any citizens, whether they live in America or not have to pay American taxes (something no other country in the world does). As a result many international banks refuse to take US Citizens! ** Further, International corporations that try to fire off American laws at Australians when none of them apply, then proceed to take it through American courts, e.g. the Australian Jailbreak product for PS3, Sony can only sue US Citizens for the piracy breach and not Australians as EULAs cannot conflict with laws. Also occured with the Other OS debate, specifically: After the sale the product cannot change its function intended,Sony advertised the use of things such as Other OS and were in the process of being sued. Luckily, the Jailbreak was invented by us and no one could give a toss. *** An Australian called David Hicks was caught up in the Middle-East, becoming a PoW and the Americans [[strike:kidnapping]] rescuing him and then accusing him of terrorism! Of course because of their whacky laws, any other country would gladly give him up due to international laws established that most countries agreed to (the same law that means say English criminals in the US are supposed to be deported back to England and tried under their law) but ohhh no! They held him hostage in Guantanamo and apparently said he was trained to kill. The trial fell through due to a lack of evidence and made everyone involved look like a massive douche. **** I'm sorry, but this is extremely incorrect. First, extradition treaties do '''not''' prevent you from being arrested and prosecuted by another country. They allow or require (for example) the US to deport a non-citizen to England for a crime that person committed '''in England'''. They do not in any way prevent the US, or any other country, from arresting a foreign citizen on foreign soil or charging someone for activities committed on foreign soil. Many countries have done this in the past, including Israel (Eichmann was kidnapped in Brazil and tried and executed in Israel), Britain (Britain arrested and tried Augusto Pinochet, the former Chilean dictator, on an indictment issued in Spain), and Italy (Google and its executives were recently convicted of invasion of privacy in Italy, despite never having set foot there). In fact, it is extremely well settled under international law that this is allowed. It is usually not practiced except under limited circumstances, but things like terrorism and

piracy are virtually universally accepted as legitimate cases for the use of this principle. This might actually be a case of the trope '''inverted''' because, even though this is recognized by almost every country, a few controversial recent cases have convinced most people that only the US does this. **** Eichmann was kidnapped [[{{TheCapitalOfBrazilIsBuenosAires}} in Argentina]] * The fast emergency number for mobiles is coincidentally [[strike:nine]] one one ''two''. ** Not even this troper knows his own INTERNATIONAL mobile phone help number! ** Also supposedly common in Europe, even though a multinational agreement has standardized the number as 112 in most European countries. *** At least in Finland all teleoperators automatically redirect 911 calls to 112, because they are so common... *** New Zealand redirects a variety of foreign emergency phone numbers in the same manner, for the same reason. *** In the UK, 999 is still used for most things, but the advice is to use 112 if you're on a mobile phone; the reason given is that any mobile service provider will pick up and route a 112 call, no matter what tariff you're on, whereas if you use 999 then you'll only be able to use your own mobile provider (if you can't get a signal from them, you're out of luck). **** A great source of jokes is on old rotary phone dials it takes longer to dial 999 than any other three digit number as you have to wait for the rotor to slowly rotate back from nine to zero whilst you house is on fire and burglars make off with the family silverware... ***** That's exactly why it's 999 - it's the hardest number to dial in error on a rotary phone. ***** On a touch-tone phone, however, it's much easier to dial 999 than 911; there have been cases of people accidentally dialing 999. **** Of course 999 won't work any more since it's been replaced by [[TheITCrowd 0-118-999-881-999-119-725]] ***** -3 **** In case the opposite happens, in the US 999 and 112 both redirect to 911 on mobile phones. ** Argentina ended up using '911' as the emergency number due to this trope. ** Japan uses 119, the exact opposite, for fire and ambulance. Not sure if it was chosen intentionally because of this trope or if it is just a coincidence. The number for the police is 110. ** And in Taiwan, it's 110. ** This works both ways. In a sort of reverse Eagleland Osmosis, it's rumored that some Americans who get all of their information from PBS (who, in turn, import a lot of {{BBC}} programming) believe that the emergency number in their own country is 999. ** In Hawaii, there are actually signs telling people to call 911 instead of Hawaii Five-O (50). *** Note that this isn't for the locals; it's for the ''tourists''. Well, and business-types. ** The Dominican Republic changed their emergency number to 911 since

that was what people kept dialling. ** In Chile, the emergency numbers are well-known: 131 for health emergencies, 132 for fire-related emergencies and 133 to call the police (131, 132, 133 after "'''A'''mbulancia", "'''B'''omberos" and "'''C'''arabineros"). However, the cell phone companies began using 911 a few years ago for general-help call centers due to this number being well-known and available. ** It's lampshaded to a very hilarious degree in the Philippines. Since it's the most recognizable phone number in the world, ''Pizza Hut'' made their Philippine delivery phone number 911-11-11. * The first emergency number in North America was in Winnipeg, Manitoba, which used 999. It was changed to 911 to match directory assistance (411), services for translation for the deaf (711) and the number called to report problems with telephone service (611). Depending on the area, in the US and Canada, 211 is local health and human services, 311 is non-emergency municipal services, and 511 is road weather and traffic information. 811 used to connect directly to the business office of the telephone company; this is being phased out for Internet, 1-800 hotlines or merger of service with 611. 011 is used to dial international calls, and 111 isn't used because 11 is used to access certain hotline options (the "star" options) from rotary-dial telephones. * Though British judges don't use gavels, they often show up in courtroom sketches on British comedy shows written by people who have presumably seen too much Perry Mason. Many British people get confused when they go to court and the judge DOESN'T use a gavel. ** This may be because you're not allowed to film inside a British courtroom, and so most British people outside of the legal profession have very limited knowledge as to actual court proceedings. * Interestingly this trope also works in reverse. Many Swedish companies have received letters from American law firms, in which an attorney on behalf of a US client fires off an accusation of a breach of US copyright laws, e.g. The Digital Millennium Act, in domestic operations. (Those lawyers ought to know that such arguments are invalid, but they probably do it just to charge their clients some extra bucks, right?) Once in the 1990s, a Californian congressman wrote a snotty letter to the Speaker of the Swedish Parliament, complaining that copyrighted American material (so called "trade secrets") could be found in certain parliamentary files that were open to the public under the constitutionally protected and far-reaching "freedom of information" privilege that all Swedish citizens possess. In Sweden, the national constitution overrides all other legislation, explained the speaker in a terse reply. ** [[http://thepiratebay.org/legal See here]] for some examples. ** For at least the past hundred years, the grand majority of U.S. Copyright Law has been written with an eye towards the international treaties drafted on the same subjects, as Copyright Law can't really work very well unless everyone is more or less on the [[IncrediblyLamePun same page]]. The {{DMCA}} (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) is problematic for many reasons, but was created largely to address the fact that Copyright issues in the current age cannot possibly be expected to stop at the waters' edge. (This was

actually predicted when the Copyright clause was drafted into Article 1, with Madison making the point that any federal copyright law would have to preempt any state law covering the same matter, because copyright would be useless if the holder had to seek the rights from each state individually. This is why so much of this is done in treaty form first now, and then later codified into domestic law.) *** For at least the past hundred years, read since 1976. Before that, US copyright law was exceptionally weak and incompatible with the only international treaty anyone else took seriously (which the US did not enter until 1988, over a century after it was formed). ** This is just deserts on a long enough timeline. In the 19th century, when the center of English-speaking culture was still in Great Britain, the US was notorious for not respecting British copyright law. CharlesDickens, RudyardKipling, and many other authors had a dim view of America because their works tended to circulate royalty-free over there. *** It was actually Mark Twain that successfully lobbied the US Government to recognize overseas copyrights. It was done in order that overseas countries would reciprocate and respect the copyrights of US authors, which they had not done in retaliation. It worked. * A frightening number of Germans seem to think "''Euer Ehren''" (Your Honor) is the proper way to address a judge. ** TheOtherWiki seems to indicate that the proper address would be "''Herr Vorsitzender/Frau Vorsitzende''", literally meaning "Mr./Ms. presiding [judge]". Then again, it seems to be a common problem that various countries fail to educate their own citizens in the workings of their legal systems. ** Same thing for France: many people address judges as "''Votre Honneur''" ("Your Honor") instead of the proper "''Monsieur/Madame le juge''" or "''Monsieur/Madame le prsident''" ("Judge" or "President"). Using "Your honor" in court will earn you sneers and a very irritated judge. ** And in the RepublicOfIreland, judges are simply addressed as "Judge" or "The Court" (Irish: ''A Bhreithimh'' / ''An Chirt'') (except for the Chief Justice and the President of the High Courts, who are "Chief Justice" and "President"), although the British/American "Your honour" is often used in error. Also, there is no such thing as a "felony" in Irish law -- series offences are "crimes", minor offences are "misdemeanours". ** In Australia it actually is "your honour" which saves the confusion. * Baseball analogies (such as "step up to the plate" or "out of left field") sometimes crop up in countries that don't play baseball ([[HeForgotPoland or rounders]]) and have no idea what those analogies actually refer to. ** But this is true of many sports; e.g., few people know what "start from scratch" or "behind the eightball" or even "hat trick" actually mean. * Internet trolls sometimes protest "Freedom of speech!" to escape a banning. Never mind that the First Amendment wouldn't apply in that situation, even in the US. The First Amendment says that ''the Congress'' can't tell you what not to say. Private citizens and non-

governmental organizations can. ** Also the states themselves, unless their constitutions have freedom of speech guarantees. ** The First Amendment doesn't directly apply to state actors but the Supreme Court has held that the due process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment incorporates most of the Bill of Rights, including the First. So states can't violate Freedom of Speech, regardless of what their constitutions say. Private actors still have no such restriction (except in some states such as California, for example, where, say, a shopping mall can't restrict political speech, because the state constitutions provide additional protections to the freedom above and beyond that of the federal Constitution.) ** To further cloud the issue - freedom of speech ''is'' held to be a fundamental constitutional right in the UK. It's not as if we're all crazy oppressed over there, we've got rights too. *** "Fundamental constitutional right"? What are you talking about? The UK doesn't even have a constitution, and there are numerous examples of laws that violate freedom of speech. Blasphemy laws, libel laws, etc. **** Except of course that the UK has constitutional law/rights that come from central documents like the Magna Carta, though they do not have a formal constitutional document like the US, France, etc. And the US has enforced blasphemy laws in the past, and still enforces libel laws. Freedom of speech, like most rights, is nowhere near universal. **** US libel law is no where near as broad as British libel law; British law puts the burden of showing that a claim is true on the defendant, and din't even allow the truth of a statement as a defense until American courts found this to be a right. Britain, like most of the world, simply does not have the same attitude towards freedom of speech as America does; they do not consider a ''fundamental'' right, but simply an one right among many, to be discarded if something else is viewed as more important. ** In America, Freedom of Speech is one of the fundamental rights. However, no private citizen is obliged to use their own resources to give you a forum for your speech, any more than the Second Amendment requires gun stores to give you a free pistol. ** In America a 'right' is theoretically always a natural right, that may or may not be recognized by a government (and the government is in the wrong if it doesn't respect it). Most other countries seem to use it as something closer to "privilege". American usage seems to be drifting toward "entitlement" in recent years for some reason, calling even things like retirement benefits "rights". *** Is that restricted to America? Several strikes in Europe during the economic crisis in response to proposals to cut or restrict benefits would argue that the welfare state is considered very much a right by European citizens. * Another common mistake is to assume that marriage laws are the same everywhere on Earth. For instance, Canadian couples often assume they can be married at the courthouse or by a friend with a temporary marriage commission, because that's what they see on American TV. Courthouse weddings are however only possible in some provinces - in

others, judges are legally forbidden to conduct weddings. Couples instead have to hire someone out of the phone book or go to city hall. In no province or territory can they get someone to marry them with a temporary commission, though; marriage commissioners in Canada are permanent government appointments. (Actually, in Quebec, you can get a one-time commission to marry people (and re-apply at a later occasion if other friends want you to perform). You can also get married at the church, at the courthouse, or by a government-approved person that is not paid by the government or the church.) ** This is doubly applied as most states in the United States have vastly different laws on who can perform marriage (mostly dealing with what qualifies as an "ordained minister") ** In some countries marriages needs Guardian Approval. It * In 2008, the Conservative government in Canada actually explicitly relied on this trope to get out of a disaster of their own making; Stephen Harper's [[strike:administration]] government tried to pull public funding from political parties, thus, in essence, making his own party (who have a bigger private donation pool to draw from) the only one with any cash. This didn't please the other three major parties, and there was a considerable amount of talk that they would band together and form a new coalition government between themselves something explicitly permitted by Westminster parliamentary processes. The Tories started making a big deal about how "the people had voted for the Conservatives," and that "Stephen Harper had been elected Prime Minister" and so on. Unfortunately, this is not the case, and unless they lived in a particular region of Calgary, no, they ''hadn't'' voted for Harper, they had voted for their local MP instead, around 60% of whom weren't Conservative, and the members of Parliament they HAD voted for were perfectly in their rights to band together and vote no confidence in Harper's administration. It ain't a perfect system, but it is ''very much'' not the system that the Tories were pretending it was. ** Many British people made the same nonsensical complaint about the "unelected" GordonBrown -- um, he was elected by the House of Commons and appointed PM by the monarch, just like every PM before him. *** And nobody outside his Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath constituency (which elected him as its parliamentary representative with a huge majority) was ever able to cast a vote for him. ** Ditto for Irish people and Brian Cowen *** And the 1995-97 "Rainbow" coalition, formed when the Labour Party switched their support from Fianna Fil to Fine Gael & Democratic Left, giving them a majority. ** This isn't really an example of "Eagleland Osmosis"; Americans don't vote for their president, either. The president is elected by the Electoral College, whose members are, according to the Constitution, chosen by whatever process the states put into place. Thus, the American protests that the 2000 election was "stolen" based on claims that the election was "not fair" or "did not reflect the American will" were fallacious; the Constitution puts no such requirement on the election. *** While this is quite true, American culture creates the impression that this is how the world works, so the trope applies. Every U.S.

president has been "voted for" in the sense that people ticked a box next to their name on election day. This is explicitly not true of parliamentary systems. The only legal way a person who has received no votes in a presidential election can become president is to get elected or appointed to a different position in the federally defined line of succession and hope they get lucky. *** More detail, to clarify: Members of the electoral college, called electors, almost never defect from the two votes they have pledged to make (for POTUS and VP); their role as humans beings isn't too important (and their names aren't even listed on ballots). Rather, what matters is which states' popular votes go to which presidential candidates; most states award all their electoral "points" (symbolized by these electors) to whichever candidate won a plurality. [[hottip:*:The number of points is proportional to the state population, plus two more points per state. This corresponds to the state's total number of representatives in the two legislative houses. But ''those'' representatives aren't part of this process. Confused yet?]] So even though every American voter does "directly" choose a presidential candidate, the winner is not necessarily the one with the most votes altogether. Because this system ignores each state's minority votes, it is heavily influenced by the votes in "swing states" like Florida. *** Regarding the 2000 election, the official questions had mostly to do with interpretation of Florida law and its state constitution in the midst of recounts. Gore indisputably won the ''national'' popular vote but Bush and Gore came quite close in Florida, the final official recounts of which favored Bush. While there may have been ''some'' controversy that Gore should win based on the national vote, most of the political discussion had the relevant facts straight. Of course, Americans emphasize the Constitution a ''lot'' and easily forget how state-based much of our law is. ** It also happened twice in Australia in 2010. First Julia Gillard replaced Kevin Rudd as leader of the Labor Party and thus as Prime Minister which cased people to complain that they didn't elect Julia Gillard. Then later in the election no party won outright but the Liberal/National Coalition won the most seats but ultimately lost due to the Labor Party gaining the support of 3rd Party [=MPs=] causing a big media circus with some saying that [[{{Hypocrite}} the Liberal Party (in it's coalition with the National Party) should be in charge because they won more seats instead of Labor forming a coalition with other MPs]]. ** The complaint that only a few people had actually voted for Harper personally is disingenuous: people generally vote for their MP on the basis of who they want to be Prime Minister, rather than on individual merits, so if they voted for a conservative, they were supporting Harper for PM. That doesn't change the fact that it was a minority government though. * The parodic netspeak expression "ZOMG" originates from a typo caused by the shift key being adjacent to the letter Z on American keyboards. It's used worldwide, including in Europe where those keys aren't adjacent on the standard keyboard layout. ** Reversing this: Microsoft and other companies still select a

"Dutch" keyboard layout when you select Dutch as your language. Dutch keyboard layouts are really fucking rare (i've only seen one in my lifetime), everyone uses the US international keyboard. ** Depends where in Europe you are. For example, in Germany, the key adjacent to the shift key is Y, but in Poland, it is in fact Z. ** Not to mention French & Spanish keyboards. ** It is used even in Russia, where one has to press a special key combination to switch their keyboards to English layout first to type it. ** In Britain, we have punctuation keys next both both Shift keys. ** Australia seems to use the US international keyboard though specifics, such as key sizes and positioning vary. *** They vary in the US too, or at least they used to (mainly the backspace/backslash/enter configuration). ** The country doesn't really matter since you can easily change your keyboard layout in MS Windows and GNU/Linux. If Dvorak was lucky enough to be chosen instead of inferior QWERTY, this meme would be ;OMG. *** Clearly you've just refuted your own argument with regard to layout superiority. * "!!!!one!!!eleven!" parodies typos made by over-excited people who type so fast they forget to leave a finger on the shift key when they want exclamation points. More than a few French people use it, even though French keyboards have a specific key for exclamation points and using shift with it gives you "" signs. Even better, it's sometimes translated as "!!!un!!onze!!!" and "!!!!!!!!". ** Speaking of keyboards, Apple has gotten some flak for their recent keyboard redesign. Yes, trimming half a key's width off the right end of the keyboard is a creative way to free up some space. Yes, that space doesn't have much purpose on a US keyboard. But on UK keyboards, it shrinks the (vertical) Enter key down to near-unusable width, which apparently did not stop Apple from doing it. * Talk of "digging a hole to China" makes more sense in the U.S. than in Australia, but it doesn't stop many Aussies. ** It doesn't make much sense in the US either. Look at a globe. If you dug a hole from the US, you'd end up in the Indian Ocean, closer to South Africa than to China. *** It makes perfect sense if you don't assume that all such holes must go straight down and end at the antipode. Dig that hole at a certain angle and you can emerge almost anywhere in the world. *** In Britain and Ireland they dig through to Australia (although the China thing isn't unknown, especially when it comes to fusion meltdowns). *** In Russia we usualy speak about digging to ''America'' (in reality though we would end up somewhere in the Pacific or the Atlantic Ocean) ** Here in China, everybody just kind of laughs at the phrase. *** But from parts of China, you would at least hit land in Chile or Argentina. ** Related: [[http://xkcd.com/503/ this]]. From the days when Europe was the center of the world (and not everyone had seen a globe). *** Not to mention that Randall Munroe lives in Massachusetts, but his "me" X is somewhere around Ohio or Indiana...

*** If Europe is "West", and China is "East", then clearly ''Russia'' is the center of the world. **** Actually, it's Jerusalem. For several centuries, said city was considered the center of the world, from which west and east references were naturally assigned. *** Ze Frank and his fans had a project to make an [[http://www.zefrank.com/sandwich/ Earth Sandwich]], i.e. place bread on the ground at the same time on opposite sides of the Earth. He built a Google Maps site that would show equivalent points, but the bulk of his fans, in the continental US, were opposite the Indian Ocean. The fist pair to pull it off were a Spaniard and a New Zealander. * New Australian citizens are sometimes confused about their healthcare rights. It's often assumed that we have a similar system to America, where private health insurance is very important for affordable, quality hospital care... they're often quite surprised to learn that getting on Australian medicare (which qualifies you for pretty much everything the public health system can offer) is just a matter of filling out a couple of forms and providing proof of identity, regardless of any existing health conditions or future risks. ** Getting onto American Medicare amounts to turning 65 and not turning it down. It offers pretty comprehensive coverage. Now, getting onto American ''Medicaid'' involves being poor as hell...by American standards. Neither looks at preexisting conditions. * [[http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=uBajcshfTTM&fr omurl=/watch%3Fv%3DuBajcshfTTM Here it is]]. ([[BrainBleach You may also need this link]].) --> '''[=MidnightOverlord=]''': Way to spot sarcasm,&#65279; redneck --> '''Roxfox''': Oh my god. Did a Norwegian just&#65279; call a Swede "redneck"? I feel like the world should have imploded by now or something. ** In a similar vein my Dad and his friends have bars full of drunk Germans the phrase "white trash" on more than one occasion. Has that caught on? * Sometimes happens within the United States itself. Texas, for example, specifically prohibits the enforcement of speed limits in its constitution, specifically stating the speed limit is a suggestion based of the average speed of an area of road plus 10. The only exception to this is safety. It does not stop police from pulling people over and asking for license and registration, or from certain regions creating lower speed limits for environmental regulation. * "On the side of a milk carton" has become synonymous with "missing," even where milk is stored in bottles or plastic jugs. ** Or [[MemeticMutation bags]]. ** Or, indeed, in places where the practice of putting the faces of missing people on milk containers is non-existent, or at least rare. ** In the US, the practice of putting a child's face on a milk carton is now [[DeadHorseTrope largely defunct]], but has remained in the popular culture mostly as a gag. In most places missing children are identified on the local news, reported through Amber Alerts, and/or

given special prominence on the bulletin boards of local supermarkets. * Although the electric chair pretty much replaced hanging as the ''de facto'' means of execution in media of the 1960s, only the United States and the Philippines have ever executed criminals in this manner. Even more curious, California (where most of that media was made) ''never'' electrocuted any criminals. ** And most U.S. states that retain capital punishment now use lethal injection rather than the electric chair. * The whole point of {{Rammstein}}'s song ''Amerika''. * Also [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLbvffkibyY this song]] * This trope is actually part of what is referred as "Soft Power" which means, to put it simply, country A influencing country B not through military or economic power/coercion but cultural means and making certain elements of A's culture become acceptable and even desired in country B so that the social climate in B becomes friendlier for A to operate in. As the US has been the dominant power, it had plenty of opportunity and desire to have such influence. One example is Chinese people starting going to courts more because they saw it on American shows. * In Argentina, pirating is not actually a crime. However, there's a lot of people (especially in the videogame media)that thinks its illegal. ** Ironically, there IS a law thar forbids graphical copies (even for educational purposes). Obviously no one gives a damn about this (you will NEVER see a judge/lawyer/cop that knows/cares about this) and it was changed recently so that unless you claim it as yours and dont quote the source(thing that no one ever did, actually) its not illegal. ** [[{{CompletelyMissingThePoint}} Actually, piracy is a crime in Argentina - Article 198 of the Criminal Code. It punishes "violent or predatory actions against ships in the high seas or navigable rivers" with imprisonment from three to fifteen years]] * People in many countries will refer to conscription as 'the draft'. In fact, in general context, this [[http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/view/entry/m_en_gb0242910#m_en_gb0 242910 refers specifically to American conscription]], although it's well-known enough to have [[DraftDodging a trope named after it]]. * A fair portion of people outside of America assume the colours red, white and blue specifically refer to America, and question why their country is celebrating America if that colour scheme is used for decoration. It's a surprise how few Britons realise that's also the colour scheme of the Union Flag. It's also on the flags of France, New Zealand, Australia, the Netherlands, Norway, Liberia, Iceland, Russia, Chile, Panama, Paraguay, Cuba and several Slavic countries. ** That still doesn't explain why the British keep playing "My Country 'Tis of Thee". ** Because the melody of "My Country 'Tis of Thee" is exactly the same as the British national anthem "God Save The Queen"! * One thing that has not yet gone through EaglelandOsmosis is the use of red to denote the political right, blue for the political left (And gold for Libertarians). In the rest of the world, red is the colour of the communist movement (the Red Flag symbolising the blood of the

workers) and its offspring, and hence denotes the political left. ** Blue represents Conservative tendencies here in England, Scotland and Wales as well. So we have the exact opposite political colour system to America. *** Ditto New Zealand: Labour Party = Red/Liberal; National Party = Blue/Conservative. *** In Northern Ireland, predominantly BLUE with red and white = CONSERVATIVE unionist. That's when the similarity to the rest of the UK ends. Predominantly green with orange and white= liberal nationalist. (All unionist parties are conservative, all nationalist parties are liberal.) The liberal neutral party (Alliance) is more similar to the UK being predominantly yellow. Light blue is often used as a neutral colour (as opposed to the royal blue used by unionists), e.g. in the logo of the Northern Ireland Assembly *** One more: Canada - New Democratic Party (NDP) - Orange/Far left, Liberal - Red/ Left, Conservative - Blue/Right *** In France : red=Communists (and other Far left parties), Pink= Socialists, Blue= right parties (UMP in particular). *** Republic of Ireland: red=Labour (centre-left), pink/red = Socialist. *** Germany: red = social democrats, black = conservatives, yellow = liberals, green = well, greens and the leftover lefties/communists from EastGermany got pink. ThoseWackyNazis got brown. *** Spain: red = anyone in the left (for instance, the Socialist Party). blue = People's Party (right) *** Hungary: red = [[ButtMonkey Socialist Party]] ([[UnfortunateImplications legal successor]] of the local communist party), orange = [[TheFundamentalist Fidesz]] (right-wing conservative), orangish white = [[WellIntentionedExtremist Jobbik]] (national conservative), blue = KDNP (Christian democratic), pale green = LMP (green liberalist), green = MDF (liberal conservative). ** The use of red to symbolic the political right wing and blue the left is only 10 years old even in America. Until the 2000 presidential election, the colors used to identify each party in election maps varied from year to year and from media outlet to media outlet, but the disputed election kept that pair of colors in use by pundits for over a month. * This troper has seen various South African gun shops and gun rights groups associating themselves with the American Confederate flag, ''even if they are not white''. ** Although surely secessionist Boers have similar goals to the CSA? ** Not really, since they seem to want total segregation and condemn slavery as lazy if nothing else; I'm a Boer myself and am unsure, since secessionists are such a crazy ultra-minority. Also, there are not nearly as many of them around as there are (licensed) gun owners. Plus, as noted, it's not like all gun owners / members of gun rights groups are white, which makes the choice of flag a bit strange. Possibly this got [[LostInTranslation Lost in]] CulturalTranslation, but since many Americans seem to claim that the CivilWar was about Federalism vs States' Rights as much as about anything else, I suppose [[YourMileageMayVary YMMV]]. ** The flag is a symbol of rebellion, obviously.

*** Look, even Americans have mixed feelings about that flag. To use the RuleOfCautiousEditingJudgment, ''many'' Americans find it offensive and as a throwback to a horrific institution, ''many'' Americans see it as a symbol of the right of states and independence, and ''many'' see both. Whatever your view, it's certainly a Rebel flag by all acounts. * This troper's friend's younger sister was shocked that I had managed to purchase alcohol at the tender age of 18. She thought you had to be 21, as in America, but the legal drinking age in the UK is 18! ** As is the case pretty much everywhere else. Voting age in the US used to be 21 as well, but they lowered it when the argument was made that people shouldn't be drafted into military service before they can even vote. Americans in general seem to be more skeptical about the maturity of its young people, but can you blame us? ** Technically the legal drinking age is younger, but only in specific places (as far as this troper knows, at a restaraunt with your parent's permission is one of them), but 18 is the legal age at which you can buy alcohol. ** The inversion is driving age, which is 16 for a general license in most states (18 in some, or restricted licenses from 16-18). * A minor case of an inversion: I, Tropers/SergeantLuke, am American, but I often exclaim "Bollocks!" whenever I make a mistake of some kind or hurt myself (i.e., when I stub my toe or when I notice that I made a typo). I honestly don't really know what it means, but I like to imagine that it's really dirty. ** It means "Balls!" As in, testicles. Thus, it is only a mild curse at worst, though in my opinion it makes up for it in humor.

EarCleaning * When ThisTroper was practicing Nicheren Shoushu Buddhism, he received a set of highly ornate ear spoons from an Japanese acquaintance so distant that, shamefully, he could hardly remember her name. She seemed painfully awkward about it, but I thought nothing of it; at the time it just seemed a quaint curiosity. It wasn't until years later ThisTroper understood Japanese gift-giving customs in general and the significance of this gift as an intimate gesture specifically. * [[@/TheTallOne This (American) Troper's]] mother does this to her, except she does it in a way that's incredibly painful, especially to an already hurting ear. This was her go-to fix for earaches, so needless to say, I often just chose to deal with an infected ear rather than have her jam things into my ears. * This British troper's mother also does this to him: it annoys him to no end, especially since it seems to have damaged his hearing far too often. * This Troper is not Asian but does need his ears cleaned every few months. He doesn't use an ear pick, though. He gets it done by a doctor who uses a miniature ''vacuum''. This entry is dedicated to the Troper who posted Ear Cleaning on the Troper Tales Nightmare Fuel page. * This Korean troper, for some reason, gets ear wax easily. Guess who

has an older sister who has a near fetish for cleaning ears. She insists that I never clean my ears myself and goes crazy with happiness whenever she sees I have a crapload. On the up side, she's much more gentle with handling the ear spoon than my mom. ** I'm half-Korean and I get a lot of ear-wax too. When I was young (up until I was age 12), my mother would clean my ears. It actually felt pretty good, especially since she used normal Q-Tips, no spoons, no ear-picks, just regular Q-Tips. * [[ButNotTooForeign This half-Japanese troper's]] mother often cleaned her and her brother's ears, and it never seemed odd or remarkable. Then again, ThisTroper also used to think that ''everyone'' ate rice with almost every meal. ** Ditto that for this [[ButNotTooForeign This half-Chinese troper's]]... wait, [[UnfortunateImplications half chinese and half what?]] White, anyway. Never really thought about it but yeah, I eventually noticed that some other folks didn't even eat rice once a day and had no idea what one of those little instruments was. * Oh god, this America troper's dad cleaned her ears after every shower she took when she still lived with him. She's 16 now and visits on the weekend, and has a verbal brawl with him after each shower because he insists it's healthy for the ear. She'd bring him the proof from TV Tropes that it's bad for you, but because there's no official source... *sigh* * This American troper's mom insists that she cleans my ear (with a Cotton swab) once a month. And she pokes it in about a half a inch. Needless to say, it hurts. * This troper had a mild ear infection a few months ago. In retrospect, I should have just let it deal with itself instead of complaining, because when my mom took me to the doctor they had to clean my ear out in order to get a good look at the infection. They used a GIANT syringe-type thing filled with warm water, and it HURT. Hurt MANY times worse than the infection itself. I was sobbing with pain by the time we left. Not worth the pain meds they gave me. * This Asian American troper has this done regularly to her by her mother. I never thought it was a uniquely Asian activity until I found this article. For the record, I don't like the ear cleaning very much and find it a chore to try not to wriggle around as my mother scrapes around in my ears, and once my mother stuck the earwax picker in so deep that it started ''bleeding'' in there and became infected. Fortunately, we were able to get it treated, and the treatment actually hurt a lot less than the regular ear cleaning. Still doesn't stop my mother from insisting on continuing the ear cleaning, however; at least she's gentler about it now. * ThisTroper is cleaning her own ears with a swab right now. It's easier since I can tell when it hurts before it's too late. * This troper would like you all to know that ear cleaning this way is really not hygenic, you could seriously risk tearing your ear drum and it actually makes the wax build up more. To keep the wax mobile and stop it blocking your ear, you need to use olive oil droplets regularly, which softens the wax. I used to have to have my ears syringed regularly because I have really waxy ears, but adding olive oil is a much safer substitute. It also stops the pain when I have an

earache (those are much rarer now). ** You can also pour a small amount of hydrogen peroxide into the ear, let it sit until it stops fizzing (which sounds pretty cool, btw), and then turn your head to alow the extra fluid to drain out. The process is easier if you are laying down and have someone to pour the hydrogen peroxide * This American troper doesn't need to clean her ears, but she finds that it feels [[FetishFuel oh-so-good]] to get ear-wax out of there, using a bobby pin that can scrape things out instead of squishing it all into something even grosser. She suspects it partly comes from the fact that her ears are a weak point for massive damage. * [[@/NeonLite This American Tropette]] does this with her father every so often, except they don't use ear spoons or Q-tips; hydrogen peroxide goes in the ear that needs to be cleaned, the recipient uses the cleaner's [[LapPillow lap as a pillow]], and once the peroxide stops bubbling (and actually, yes, the bubbling is actually a very pleasant sensation unless there's injuries to the ear **Wince.**), out comes the water pick. Ears are cleaned and good as new.

EarNotch * This troper is proof that humans can show this trope just as easily as animals. A Chow Chow we had found as a stray turned [[BewareOfViciousDog nasty]] and decided humans made good chew toys. Seventeen or so stitches in my left ear still didn't completely rid me of the [[EarNotch neat little slice]] into the flesh and cartilage, leaving aside the spots on my scalp where hair won't grow. The dog's name? [[EverythingsWorseWithBears Bear]].

EarnYourHappyEnding * I grew up being ostracized because I was awkward and loved to play video games. I was even threatened with a lead-pipe beatdown just because I wasn't good at baseball. These days, I'm a game journalist for a few reputable sites and also, for myself and my own site. I get free video games, all expenses paid trips and the admiration of all my friends and even my former classmates. ** In addition to my writing gig, I also have two great day jobs. I'm a teacher's aide and an afterschool counselor who mentors kids and encourages them to stick together and play games (they're just getting into Smash Brawl now!) with each other because I never want to see a kid have to be alone because they like video games or any games. ** Tell those former classmates [[YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame that their approval fills you with shame]]. ** They aren't worth more than a head nod and a "Oh, how ya doin'?" before I don't listen and go back to my Coca Cola. * [[@/RedWren This troper]] made an environmental booklet in Spanish class based on this. The phrases were mostly stuff like, "If we all stop using plastic bags, there will be less trash in the sea," and that was one of the more optimistic ones. Then, the last one just has a guy smiling to himself as he sits by a brook. -->''If we all sat by a brook once a day, we would appreciate the

environment more.'' * This troper simply ''loves'' this trope to bits. It gives this troper hope. ** As a closet idealist, [[@/{{Icarael}} this troper]] agrees. He finds that a HappyEnding at the end of a long and often dark story [[HeartwarmingMoments heartwarming]]. ** This troper as well, though if he ever ends up writing a fanfic the characters will have to work hard for the happy end. * [[@/{{Min}} This Troper]] has earned hers - she was molested, expelled and dumped in the space of three months before transferring to a new high school and finding her soulmate. * I'm not there yet, but after a while now it seems like I'm heading there. And even though I'm not there yet, like Jules from Pulp Fiction...I'm trying. * [[Tropers/ElodieHiras I]] went through [[TeensAreMonsters college and high-school]], always mocked, humiliated, [[AdultsAreUseless with my mother always berating me for getting bullied]], always sick, depressive, and having comitted [[DrivenToSuicide more than 30 suicide attemps]]. And let's not forget being raped by a women (To be precise, she seduced me and took a video she then send to everyone, and rape is NOT okay when it is female on male.), given up by people I trusted and betrayed by my older brother. Yet, I survived, took matter in hand, found an RPG group ([[IJustWantToHaveFriends meaning that I am FINALLY being accepted]]), a really close friend, made my way to university, where I met cool people, and am currently also getting [[IKnowKungFu karate training]]. I get better every day, and while I'm still under medication, and having sleep troubles, it has been more than four month since my last suicidal thought, I almost never got sick again, decided to stop skipping classes, and my default mood is now happy. * [[NietzscheWannabe Reading about Nietzsche and existentialism]] made me think that life is about earning your own meaning in life, when God Is Dead and Science is Useless to provide you some meaning in this CrapsackWorld. * My college career. I started after graduation and had a horrible time my freshman year at a school about 3-5 hours away from home (for an RIer, this is like forever). I battled depression, homesickness, and loneliness as I found myself unable to do any studying whatsoever. I tried, I really did, but I just wasn't in the right of mind. My pride refused to let me quit until I went through a nervous breakdown in the spring of my freshman year, causing me to drop out. I started over at another school (that I had applied to transfer to) that fall and it took me quite a while to get through it. I still had the depression I was battling (though now with medication), a few deaths in the family, cutting ties with one of my high school best friends, and flat out loneliness. In spite of all of this, I never gave up on my college dream. I knew that no matter what, I was going to graduate. There was no way I would let my mental illnesses win out. Finally, in the spring of 2010, I graduated from college. It may have taken almost 7 years, but it was worth it in the end because I proved to myself once and for all that I CAN do anything. On top of that, now I'm doing a freelance writing gig for a local news website, which is something I really love. I still could use some more help here and there, but I've

come a long way from the weepy mess I was my first year of college... ** Have you put this in the CrowningMomentOfAwesome and TheDeterminator Troper Tales pages? ** Replace freelance writer with software engineer and you're me. Nice to meet you. * This might not be as severe as others, but I'll give this a try without really [[Wangst wangsting]] at you all. These past four years have been rough. It starts with my very disabled foster brothers dying from MRSA. This flung us into the working poor class, and we're still always short on money. I try climbing back up by attending college, then my grandfather dies from multiple cancers a week before Christmas, just after I turned 19. Recently my grandmother died as well. Then, I almost snapped when my dog ran away (all the way to the next town) and was caught by the local humane society. I knew we didn't have the money to get him out, and I had [[DrivenToSuicide my katana's blade at my throat]]. Instead, I decided to get him out. I picked up my bass guitar, which I wasn't playing anymore. I packed it up and walked to a pawn shop. I walked in the rain and had a four-hour time limit. I sold the instrument. I got the money and sprung my dog out of the pound. It's not an ending yet, but I finally managed to control something in my life and save someone special to me. ----

EarWorm * Take my love, Take my land, Take me where I cannot stand, I don't care, I'm still free, You can't take the sky from me~ Can you tell that I regret watching all of Firefly in one setting? * This troper has gotten many an AnimeThemeSong stuck in her head. She usually hums (and sometimes full-out singsi) them during school, much to the annoyance of her classmates. * This troper had once started to fantasize about making his own SuperRobot show (a project which, of course, will never be achieved). And, for added fun, he started to imagine what the opening would be. It's only a few days later that he realized he was constantly humming the music he imagined. That's right, this troper ''auto-[[EarWorm earwormed]]''. * [[{{Tropers/MiraShio}} I am a songwriter]], but it doesn't necessarily mean my songs frolic in my head all the time. But the songs I write that I ''do'' end up singing all the time are ''the'' best ones that I've written. Meanwhile, as a Super Junior fangirl... * This troper just heard a few seconds of [[SonicTheHedgehog Super Sonic Racing]] and it NEVER LEFT HIS MIND! He was also foolish enough to search for more songs from that game and ended up with more [[EarWorm earworms]]! * Does anyone other than this troper unconsciously create ''mashups'' of songs in their heads that don't actually exist? For example, my mind always wants to segue from Raffi's "Bananaphone" into The Beatles' "Honey Pie" since they both have food in the title and are in the same key. (I don't have perfect pitch but I'm very good at detecting keysbut this is a curse when it comes to song-stickiness.) * [[CabbitGirlEmi I]] can get just about any song in my head. From

{{Aerosmith}} to LittleShopOfHorrors to [[YuGiOh Rakuen]] to [[{{Vocaloid}} Miku Hatsune]]. ** Update! There is [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0HvNIaokuQ this fan video]] of most of the {{Hetalia}} characters and they each have a song from a country each one represents. * This troper ''always'' has a song stuck in their head. The weirdest has to be [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znigIfPGnII Toy Boy]] by Mika. I love you Mika, but why do you write such oddly catchy music! This is one of the least catchy songs he has and it STILL gets stuck in my head! * This troper repeatedly starts singing "The Internet Is For Porn" in his head after his brother had him listen to it. It's extremely annoying. ** This Troper loves AvenueQ, but it's awkward to have that song stuck in your head when you're at school. As a cruel twist of fate, that's ALWAYS when it pops in. * This troper currently has the Carmen Sandiego Rockapella theme song stuck in her head. * This troper has found herself consistently coming back to, and humming, Kenna's "Loose Wires" whenever her brain is idle. Cursed song embedded itself in my brain. * [[AGoofyMovie "After Today"]]. So much right now. The crazy thing is I haven't even actually '''seen''' ''A Goofy Movie'' in full, this is just thanks to [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OABeWNqZph4 that shotby-shot live action recreation of the sequence]] that's getting a lot of attention right now. * This troper frequently gets songs stuck in his mind. The incident he remembers the most being "Basket Case" coming in and out of his head for a period that lasted at least a week (that probably is part of why he became a huge Green Day fan). * This troper once went an entire ''month'' with the "Rimmer Munchkin Song" from [[RedDwarf ''Red Dwarf'']] stuck in her head. "He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer..." * Try getting through your junior-year Japanese oral exam when the only part of ''Sympathy For The Devil'' you know (the woo woooo, woo wooo backing chorus), repeat for five hours ad nauseam. * "Wuh-o Wuh-o stuck like glue, you and me baby are stuck like glue." Yeah, that song is stuck in my head, and you want to know what's worse? I HATE that damn song! * [[Tropers/{{Dallenson}} This Troper]] found the Menu theme (First Strike) of {{Advance wars}} Dark conflict/ Days of Ruin to be Very Catchy * [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HjLN1TA3bc SENTRY GO, GO DOWN AND UP AND DAMN IT! GOTTA MOVE THAT GEAR! THIS THING AIN'T ON AUTO PILOT!]] ** Dammit, you stole it. Might as well [[TeamFortress2 Link it]]. * [[{{Seanette}} I'm]] prone to earworms (it's especially irritating when I only remember a small part of the song in question!), and find that a good treatment is listening to the song in question a few times (if it's one I like. Otherwise, "jamming" it with something else at least as catchy helps). * I sometimes try to inflict ear worms on purpose, just to see if it

works. It does. Just hum or sing a song someone around you knows and likes (it helps if the song has a certain ear worm potential) and trust me, after some time they will hum a long. One of the most successful songs in my experiments was "Right Round". "You spin my head right round, right round, when you go down, whe.." Damn. It worked again. * I managed to get an earworm from the '''dark ambient''' genre which is one of the least earwormable genres of all time. * Dammit, KatyPerry! You can't even ''sing'', for Vecha's sake! '''GET OUT OF MY HEAD!''' * [[@/SabresEdge This troper]] gets the weirdest songs stuck in his head, even songs that would not be normally considered EarWorms. From relatively conventional fare like the [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJun5ziotfw Dambusters main theme]] to songs like ''[[TheHuntForRedOctober Hymn to Red October]]'' or ''[[GreatPatrioticWar Poliushko Polie]]''. Heck, it probably says something that he uses [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGqBggXvtDE Ashokan Farewell]] to get other songs out of his head. Things get really nasty when the songs are in a foreign language: Ear Worms really ingrain themselves themselves when you have to spend weeks memorizing Russian or Japanese lyrics (damn you, ''HaruhiSuzumiya''!). ** This tropette does, too. The last worm? The national anthem of New Zealand. This troper is American, living in ''Australia''. * This troper has many sentences of instant messaging conversations stuck in the head, despite originally making no sound at all. * Whenever this troper hears Mark Hamill's Joker laugh it echoes in his mind for about a minute or so... * This Troper (as a musician) has good memory what comes to rhythm and lyrics, but whenever I encounter an EarWorm this talent becomes automatically a BlessedWithSuck trait. Currently "[[MajorGeneralSong ''I am the very]] [[MassEffect model of a scientist Salarian'']]" has been running on my head for a week now, but at least I like it...sometimes I'm not so lucky about what will play on up there. * This Toper had the first part of Dance Magic Dance from Labyrinth for an entire day after watching said movie at 1 o'clock in the morning. I had school that day too. * "We gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this love." JESUS CHRIST, get it out of my head. ** As well as that, I spent most of today just humming "All we are sayyyiing, is give peace a chance" * Have this tropette start reciting lyrics and she'll be singing the song for the whole cursed day. * This troper took [[EvilFeelsGood sadistic glee]] in whistling the theme tune to Disney's ''Robin Hood'' in his house in third-year of university, [[ForTheEvulz purely to get it in everyone else's head]]. He also torments his mother with it from time to time - he has become adept at blocking EarWorms after that year of malice. ** Rather amusingly, around the same time [=McDonald's=] were running a TV advert using that same theme tune. [[YouBastard Guess whose housemates all received a text-message saying to be on the lookout for the new Maccy D's ad and that it was really good]]. * Sometimes, this troper goes to bed with a song blaring in her head,

only to wake up the next morning with that ''same song still playing at maximum volume''. It's slightly annoying. * This troper once lived below a jazz guitarist; fortunately he was very good. But the way he taught himself new songs was to spend about two or three weeks playing them overandoverandoverandoverandover in continuous 2-hours loops on Saturday afternoons. Even so, I still didn't mind...until the day he started practicing "Girl From Ipanema." IT IS A MIRACLE THAT I AM STILL SANE. * A few minutes ago I played {{Super Mario Galaxy 2}}- specifically, a level where keeping the beat is critical. I started chanting "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight". I think you can guess where that went. * This troper once had a car drive by pounding [[AzumangaDaioh Soramimi Cake]] through its speakers while walking to work. This was initially mildly disconcerting, as this is not the normal song for that sort of listening, until the song remained firmly embedded for several hours. Oddly, most {{Chiptune}}-style earworms also end up defaulting to [[{{Tetris}} Korobeiniki]] after one or two hours. * This Troper cannot get the MalcolmInTheMiddle theme out of his head. Me and my friend even made our DragonBall version, with him saying at the first ''And you're not so big'' with ''And I don't like Trunks'' and on the second one, I say ''And Raditz sucks''. This is due to him liking Raditz and me liking Trunks. Yes, Kid Trunks. * This troper has had "This is My Idea from TheSwanPrincess in her head for over twenty-four hours straight. And it will NOT. GO. AWAY. ** You are not alone. It's even worse when you're trying to sleep. * [[{{ICantThinkOfAWittyName}} I]] sing songs according to the situation. Having to dig for earthworms? "Crawling" by Linkin Park. Trust exercises? "Don't Let Me Down" by Eskimo Joe. Chocolate, my one weakness? "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down. I could go on and on.\\ And yes, I know you think my music tastes suck, blah blah blah. Don't care. * "[[EarthBound Flying Man]]" is one of these to my dad. I just play it once, and it's stuck in his head all evening. * In about fourth grade, I had "Here Comes Santa Claus" stuck in my head. I told my friend Nick, and he Said "Here, try this," and handed me an imaginary knife, which I used to attempt to stab it out of my head with. My next line? "Great, now a knife AND Here Comes Santa Claus are stuck in my head." We made a song of of it. ** Win. * I get these so often it's untrue. My problem is that I get a near uncontrollable urge to sing them out loud, which for the most part isn't going to draw odd stares too much. There was one unfortunate day when I had "The Grand Old Duke of York" as an ear-worm and to this day I have no clue where in hell it actually came from. * Oh god, [[EurovisionSongContest Eurovision 2010]] gave this troper major ear worm. I'm not even European. * This Troper considers most [[SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]] themes earworms. I even use them as Anti-Earworms against others. Not that I care, though, I think most of them are awesome. * This troper had an unfortunate experience involving a 13-year-old who knew five seconds of the song "Replay." The few reading this know

who I am, and who that kid was. * This Troper has problems with these things: The Kanokon opening theme, all the Eureka Seven openings, the opening to BokusatsuTenshiDokuroChan, the opening and closing to Claymore, all the first two LinkinPark Albums, half of Miniutes to Midnight, all the non-bridge tracks of A Thousand Suns, Soldier Side, and Boom. * This tropers friends do not understand why she hates Lady Gaga. It is because I had Bad Romance stuck in my head during my maths GCSE. I hate Glee just a little bit because if I hadn't been watching Glee I would not have had it stuck in my head. ** Same troper as above managed to get Pink's God Is A DJ stuck in both her and her best friend's heads in chemistry after watching Mean Girls the night before * I am currently unable to get the theme to PoliceSquad out of my head. It just won't go away! I'd link my troper page to "I" but since they got moved I haven't been able to figure out how you do it. ;P * In 1976, CBS broadcast an ''extremely'' short-lived series about a family living in an apartment in Moscow, called ''IvanTheTerrible''. (IMDB page [[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074008/ here]].) It lasted exactly three episodes. [[@/LooneyToons This Troper]] can still sing the entire theme song: -->''Life's getting better, Spring coming soon\\ Nine feet of snow and it's only June!\\ The State gives us jobs, and look at our luck --\\ Papa's a headwaiter, and Mama drives a truck!\\ Sing, comrades, dance, comrades,\\ Laugh and be gay!\\ Living in Moscow (beautiful Moscow!)\\ Gets better every day!\\ Plenty of bread here, vodka and wine.\\ Such a big family, some of it mine.\\ Shoulder-to-shoulder, close as can be,\\ There's nine in my apartment, and there's no room for me!\\ Sing, comrades, dance, comrades,\\ Laugh and be gay!\\ Living in Moscow (beautiful Moscow!)\\ Gets better every day!'' * This troper remembers the jingle used by New England Telephone (a distant ancestor of Verizon) for their long distance service from '''''1979'''''. "Take the first five for a dollar-five/ take your sweet time on the rest/ Relax, the second five minutes/ is only eighty-five cents!" I sincerely hope no one has a recording of this... * This troper, upon playing through the new ScottPilgrim video game, noticed how much he loved the chiptune soundtrack and how awesome it was. So, naturally, the next day or so, he decided to look up some of the music. That was about a week ago. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCREJfWEtz0 THIS]] has been stuck in his head EVER SINCE. * Recently, I had trouble getting to sleep because I had "Zero to Hero" from Disney's {{Hercules}} stuck in my head, and I haven't even seen that movie in years. * A lot of the Vocaloid songs get stuck in my head from time to time

with the latest song being [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKTSc1NC84Q Magnet.]] * The new PhineasAndFerb episode ''Rollercoaster: The Musical''. The episode hasn't even aired yet (as of the time of this writing), but I CANNOT GET [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtECiKUch_g THIS GODDAMN CLIP OF THE SONG "Hey Ferb (I Know What We're Gonna Do Today)"]] OUT OF MY HEAD. Ah, just shows how excited for it I am. * Woe to me, who lives in a household where the rest of the household ''loves'' irritating ear worms. Because it often disturbed my contemplation sessions, I developed a massive disgust and hatred for them, to the point where even if I hear one little piece of undesirable Ear Worm, my mind would act like the military and the ear worm would be treated like a giant monster rampaging a city. * I once was playing around with Jigglypuff in {{Mugen}}. In case you don't know, Jigglypuff's supers all involve singing somehow. Pretty soon I got people from the same house humming Jigglypuff's song... * I'm quite certain I'm not the only one scatting [[PhineasAndFerb "The Quirky Worky]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAbdJBJo2ko Song]]. Shudeeoup-Shudeeoup da la dee la de da... * This Troper just heard "Baby" by Justin Bieber... '''AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!''' * Thanks to [=MusicChoice=]'s "Sounds of the Season" channel, one troper now has "The Worms Crawl In" stuck in her head. She's had more annoying EarWorms, so can cope with this one. * For the last three weeks, I've hummed [[WolfgangAmadeusMozart Eine Kleine Nachtmusik]] to myself all day, every day. It's driving everyone, including myself, insane. ** This troper feels for you. I've been listening to a Classical music station for the last year or more, nearly every day. If they did not post their playlists, I'd be very batty in humming a piece I couldn't even look up, thanks to the lack of lyrics. The good news is you won't find yourself singing lyrics that might offend someone else, and it eventually will leave, faster if you stop humming and don't listen to it for several days. * [[{{Nekoalexa}} I]] have been re-watching [[YuYuHakusho Yu Yu Hakusho]] and have recently gotten the third season's [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkrhACzlCOQ&feature=related ending]] stuck in my head. I actually quite enjoy it! My sister, however, absolutely HATES it when I play this everyday. * I have The Internationale, the international anthem of communism. It doesn't help that I don't believe in communism. * Ever since this Troper started watching the remake of Hawaii Five-O, the theme song has been playing in my head continuously. * I just finished ''[[YoshisIsland Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island]]'' a few days ago. The [[TearJerker tear-jerky]] end credits music has had me feeling sappy ever since then. * More than a decade ago ago I listened to a radio station that played pop and soft rock music. One day I got an ear worm from their station, and as I was singing the tune, I turned on the radio to see what they were playing. Not only was the song in my head the same that it was playing, I happened to be at the right place in the song as well. It was major NightmareFuel for me, and I quit listening to the station

not long after that. * Well, it's Christmas where [[{{Nekoalexa}} this troper]] lives, and I stumbled upon [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yfh3xVLINy4 this wonderful gem]]. [[SarcasmMode It's the most beautiful song I have EVER heard!]] [[SchmuckBait He has the voice of an angel!]] Merry Christmas! * I've had "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" stuck in my head pretty much every day since it was released. Oh, the irony! Mind you, there is a reason I hate "Barbie Girl" with a vengence. I'll leave it at that. ** It's got better: now I have the riff from Iron Maiden's "The Trooper" stuck in my head. [[ThePowerOfRock And Motorhead's "Ace Of Spades".]] [[BeyondTheImpossible AND Heart's "Alone"!]] [[PowerAtAPrice Now I've got a headache...]] *** It's got a lot better! Now it is only "Blood Red Sandman" by "Lordi". Needless to say, this is providing minor annoyance to my family. * This Troper personally gets the discovery channel theme song in his head all of the time. * It's very hard to focus on serious conversations when all you can think is "You, your love your love, is my drug..." It's not even a good song! Why can't I get it out of my head? * When I bought the SpongebobSquarepants OST I'am compelled to sing the entire track till I ran out of breath. * [[Tropers/StongRadd THIS TROPER]] DOESN'T HAVE SORAMIMI CAKE IN HIS HEAD! HE IS NOW IMMUNE TO ALL EARWORMS! THAT'S RIGHT [[JustinBieber JUSTIN BIEBER]]! HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!!!!!!!! ** Fire away! * [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Es-m1POVJbY Youuuu don't have to wait for later, there's a new eliminator, ask your local weapon trader for the Superperforator!]] * [[RandyNewman I Love L.A.]] Wait, no I don't, it's sprawling and artificial and full of pollution and the last time I went there was that nasty forest fire making the air even harder to breathe in. Oh god that riff is catchy. SIXTH STREET! WE LOVE IT! WE LOVE IT! WE LOVE IT! * [[BioShock "Rise, Rapture, Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise! We turn our hearts up to the skiiiiiiiiiiiies!!"]] * {{Rickroll}}. That is all. * The theme music for the 1973 French film ''Les Aventures de Rabbi Jacob'' made everyone in this Troper's French IV class go nuts and wish for it to be a ringtone. [[{{Tropers/Zandercan}} This dude]] generally prefers rock over hip hop, but doesn't make a habit of bashing other peoples' tastes in music and even acknowledges that several rappers make great music that's damn near impossible to not find catchy. Remember that. So for nearly three years ever since he heard it get tons of airplay on HH stations, he just couldn't figure out the title of one particular song he really liked. Should he feel less masculine now that he's discovered it's... Mariah Carey's Touch My Body? * [[Tropers/{{Twentington}} This troper]] can't even look at the words "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" without getting that song stuck in his head for hours on end. And amazingly, "It's a Small World" has no

effect on me. * This troper's friend posted this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_dmSOD9sA video on youtube. For some reason, it has never left her head! * This troper has a friend who has a song stuck in his head. And here comes the awesome part: It's ''Never Gonna Give You Up''. That's right, he RickRolls himself. * MASTER. OF. THE. FUCKING. HOUSE! * This troper heard LaFee's [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnF4KkrhxE "Ring Frei"]] and can't stop repeating the lines: "Eins, Zwei, Drei, Ring Frei!!". Also, Irina's [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rHJCyQVNfk&feature=related "Pokka"]]. She even had a dream where she was singing it. * ''Un es skrienu, skrienu v&#275;l, man v&#275;l japasp&#275;j, pirms tu neaizej, gaidi v&#275;l! T&#257;p&#275;c dejo, dejo v&#275;l, man v&#275;l j&#257;pasp&#275;j, v&#275;l jau nav tik v&#275;ls b&#363;u kl&#257;t! T&#257; k&#257; c&#275;&#275;&#275;&#275;&#275;&#275;&#275;ls, d&#299;vains t&#275;&#275;&#275;&#275;-&#275;&#275;ls!!!'' Yes, this troper has a Latvian song by the name of "Es Skrienu" by Lauris Reiniks stuck in her head. * This troper got [[UnderStatement for a quite long time]] the theme of TheBigBangTheory stuck in her head. Catchiest song ever. * This tropers [[ADateWithRosiePalms Date With Rosie Palms]] would not end because he kept thinking about the Dubliners "Whiskey in the Jar". Yaoi and Banjo is not a fun mix, making it feel like Brokeback Mountain. * Kalinka, kalinka, kalinka moya, v sadu yagoda malinka, malinka moya! ** YES. This troper's Russian professor is to blame here. And THEN I want to make it segue into "The Mariner's Revenge Song" by TheDecemberists ("Find him, bind him, tie him to a pole and break his fingers to splinters...") * This troper is very prone to these. A year ago, he got "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus stuck in his head for THREE DAYS NONSTOP. It was awful. More recently, he got "Given Up" by Linkin Park stuck in his head (It was a bad day, "tell me what the fuck is wrong with me" aptly summarizes how this troper felt) until he heard "Gang Fight", the deaf idiot version of "Friday". This troper has spent the last two days quietly singing Mr. Brightside by The Killers nonstop to ward that off. It's barely working. * [[MysteryScienceTheater3000 In the not too distant future, somewhere in Time and Space...]] * [[KidCrusher All these voices in my brain, they keep screamin' (MURDER!) Try to block them out, but still I hear (MURDER!)....]] * This was a triumph... * Of all things, it had to be Benny Goodman's "Sing, Sing, Sing". If it's not that, it's the swing classic "Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen". I was born in the wrong decade. * [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jJsYbVBnaE WHO'S THE BOY WANNA BE AMIGO?]] ** CARLITO *** CARLITO

* "To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something out of nothing, the need to express, to communicate..." I've had this and other various songs from RENT stuck in my head since I heard it a few months ago. In fact, I think I've had every single song playing on loop in my head at one point and I've managed to sing the entire musical in my head twice during one day. ** I've also had Glee songs, Wicked, Green Day, Spring Awakening and Sweeney Todd invading my brain along with various other songs. There's usually been something or other stuck in my head for the past three years. I don't mind. * Just heard the cult favorite...er, now that's cult favorite as in "disturbing religious group favorite" not just "wildly popular favorite" [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrNjlQ6QWl4 "Kathy Don't Go To the Supermarket."]] Far, FAR too catchy. * ''[[CaramelldansenVid Dansa med oss, klappa era hnder...gr som vi gr, ta ngra steg t vnster...]]'' ----Go back to "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKyPxrzz2cg It's a small]] EarWorm after all..." ----

EasilyAmused * ThisTroper will spend up to an hour just staring at her hands as she twists them around. The reason? My nail polish changes from pink to gold depending on the light. * [[AdamS This Troper]] can amuse himself by spinning the wheels on toy cars...in exactly the same way as he has since he was 2. * Rubber Bands. For 3 hours. FUNFUNFUN! * This troper can, has and will amuse herself by taking a piece of tissue paper, putting it in her mouth, and chewing it like gum. It's definitely weird, but hey, it's less sticky, she doesn't swallow it, and it passes the time in a relaxing manner. *chew* *chew* *chew* * Tropers/{{Excel-2011}}. I discovered while helping my brother move that one of my hobbies is untangling big masses of cords and wires. ** [[Tropers/OriginalHobbit I]] do this too, I discovered it at a friend's house when she asked me to untangle her headphones. ** My other sources of easy amusement: *** Staring at the ceiling or wall. *** watching my toddler cousins play together. *** throwing a stress ball against the wall with one hand and catching it in the other.

EasilyForgiven * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]] likes to invoke this trope regularly. Even though he has been [[AllOfTheOtherReindeer bullied,]] [[ButtMonkey beaten,]] and [[IShallTauntYou insulted]] the majority of his life, he forgives people at every given opportunity. If I do become upset with someone, I'm usually quick to forgive them and not hold any grudges. I've had many friends in the past who've betrayed

me, and [[WelcomeBackTraitor forgave them quite easily.]] I like to think that as a fellow human being, we should be quick to forgive and not be so judgmental. ** You're a better person than I am. I don't like to hold a grudge, but I have. ** This troper wishes to be you, Joerc45. Maybe in some decades I can come close to that... * This troper's role when playing Dungeons & Dragons. Despite the fact that my character worships the evil god of lies, burned down a village of innocents with gleeful abandon, uses some of the more sadistic spells available to her and isn't hesitating to bind with an artifact of unspeakable evil, my fellow players are perfectly happy to trust me. That may be because I tend to warn them beforehand when a spell is likely to hit their characters so that they may move out of the way in time, but maybe that's just me. * This troper had a friend. She told people my secrets, was a bitch towards me, and bossed me around. I always forgave her, and I still don't exactly know why. [[{{BiTheWay}} I might've had a crush on her. ]] * Happened in second grade when this girl I knew bossed me around and made me do things for her, but I always forgave her and came back. I still tend to do this. * In my middle school, a group of girls in gym class bullied me every day. One day, my friend and one of the bullies were having a confrontation (I later learned that my friend was telling the bully to back off of me) and the bully smashed my friend's head agains the locker. The gym coach took both of them away. The very next day, that bully was right back in school, and the first thing she did when she saw me was start harassing me again. That school was apparently very forgiving of bullies, even when things got physical. * This trope was like this with his (ex) girlfriend. To the point that when we broke up and I had no exuse to let her get away with what she did to people, we ended up becoming very bitter enemies. Even though you burned my comic book collection, threw away my baseball cards, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking scared my cat,]] I'll forgive you if you accompany me back to the [[EasilyForgiven main page. :)]]

EasternZodiac * ThisTroper, who is a Tiger, had an interesting experience on a train with a guy who was a Dragon. He was into chakras, chi, acupuncture, and other supernatural stuff; he wore an "enchanted" necklace made of "magic charms." After learning our signs were arch rivals, we shook hands, and his "enchanted" necklace instantly just randomly fell apart. and it gave me chills. * This Tiger troper and his Dragon best friend are very competitive with each other, and have a relationship that occasionally wanders into FoeYay territory. * This Tropette was born in the year of the Dog, and has found the Dog description to be quite accurate.

* This Tropette's mother and father are Tiger and Dragon respectively. Ironically, they're happily married for almost 25 years. * This troper's tested all of this and it fit things incredibly well. It originally scared me since The Snake personality fit myself well. My girl is a rooster, highest compatability for Snake, fits her personality. When further testing my friends and diverse group of signs, they all turned out to fit each sign near accurate in personality. * This troper (sabrina_diamond) found her Zodiac sign fitted her as well :3 ** Same here. * This troper is a sheep, and it fits, but she wishes she was a more badass animal. Her Mom and her younger brother are both dragons, and her Dad is a snake and they like to rub it in. (Badass, Badass, Cute and Fluffy, Badass) ** Remember there's a "fluffy" in "FluffyTheTerrible." * [[ShadicTheHedgehog This troper]] is a Dragon (and how fitting, considering his massive dragon fixation) and his fiancee is year of the Horse. For his birthday she gave him a pocket watch with a pair of horses on it, not remembering her year until this troper brought it up. * This troper was born in the year of the Wood Wabbit. They find the description more accurate than their Greek Zodiac sign (Leo). * [[{{Crion87}} This troper]] is a Fire Rabbit (May 1987), while his OlderThanTheyLook ex-{{HookerWithAHeartOfGold}} TheFundamentalist exgirlfriend is a Fire Snake (November 1977). The way his ex consumed his life at the time was very much like a snake eating a rabbit. However, his mother is a Dog and his father is a Rooster - far more of a match than Leo and Cancer (the zodiac crab, not the disease) respectively. HOWEVER - though rabbits and roosters fight a lot, [[{{Crion87}} this troper]] gets along relatively well with his [[{{PapaWolf}} father]] (though we have our moments). * This Troper is a Monkey and fits quite comfortably into it. * [[{{Seiryu}} This troper]] (who will now speak in first person) and my family have a really weird relationship with the zodiac. I love dragons, and I am a dragon. My mom breeds pigs, and is a boar. My sister raises chickens for 4-H, and is a rooster. My other sister breaks a bone damn near every year falling out of a tree. She's a monkey. The kicker? All of this was going on BEFORE we knew what our signs were. To quote my rooster sister, "Okay, this is really weird..." * This Troper Just Looked up his year: the year of the boar, and holy crap is that accurate. * I am ''not'' a Dragon. Rather, I'm a Rabbit born one month too late. ** Did you parse by the Eastern or Western year? The Chinese (Lunisolar) New Year is typically one month after the Gregorian (tropical solar) New Year, give or take a few weeks. * This troper is a rooster. With the exception of one rabbit (opposite sign) she knows, all of her closest friends line up with the zodiac compatibility. It's quite creepy. * This Troper was initially apprehensive about his Eastern Sign, The Co...Rooster. But after learning he is, indeed, a Water Rooster, he

finds himself quite pleased with it. * [[{{Tofu}} This Troper]] is a Monkey/Cancer- a loving trickster MamaBear. I am content. * This Troper's boyfriend is so science focused that he won't even look at zodiac anything without a wave of "This is all bullshit, why do you pay attention to it?", but looking up his Sign (the Ox) and finding the compatibility with a (Fire) Rabbit brings up this somewhat humorous paragraph. Humorous in the fact that its basically true. * My parents is dragon and tiger and they seem to get by pretty well, considering they been together for over 30 years... * This troper's Dad is an ox. His western zodiac is Taurus. Coincidence? Or was he a bull in a former life... * [[{{Gallows}} This Troper]] is a Monkey. The description is ''eerily'' accurate, including the tendency to be "strong-willed, but with anger that cools quickly." * ThisTroper will bring up the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect Forer Effect]] at every opportunity, but is in fact remarkably close to the Wood Ox archetype when compared to those of other signs - slow to the point of stagnation, conservative (as in a tendency toward cautiousness and frugality; politically liberal), methodical, and when it comes to anything I care about, intensely stubborn. The relationship tables are right out, though - my relationship with my (two) Water Tiger parents are reasonably harmonious, and the relationship with my Fire Rabbit sibling distant. * This troper thought for the longest time that she was a sheep. It wasn't until recently I learned that since I was born before Chinese New Year I'm actually a horse. What I thought for eight years was a lie! * This may be sibling rivalry at work, but J-H's younger brothers are the Dragon and the Tiger. The older one being the Tiger and the younger, more energetic one being the Dragon. * An interesting coincidence in my family. My birth mother is a Snake and my birth father is a Rooster, the best match for a snake. I was born 24 years after my b. father, so I'm a Rooster as well. THEN, my little was born twelve years after me, so she is also a Rooster. * I happen to be a monkey, but it doesn't really fit.....Especially since I don't think monkeys are supposed to be cannibals. That's snakes. * This troper was delighted to find out that her stunningly [[FruitsBasket Momiji-like]] sister was actually a Rabbit instead of a Dragon. She also finds it odd that she is a Libra Boar, an Air-Water combination when she has associated herself chiefly with those two elements her entire life. This troper is an Earth Snake...and he lack basically all of the attributes he's supposed to have. D: * This troper's father (Vietnamese) had an amusing argument with his German coworker over the year's (2011) Eastern zodiac. The German coworker used the wonderful internet to find out that the year's zodiac is the rabbit, the troper's father, who grew up only knowing the Vietnamese zodiac and believing it was universal as the Chinese zordiac, insisted it was the cat's year. None fo them were wrong, the

internet just needs to specify clearly that Thailand and Vietnam have one small alternation each and that China's culture isn't equal to the entirety of Asia [strike: or this troper's father should expand his vision as well]. * This troper is an Earth Dragon. Her brother is a Metal Dragon. Their personalities actually match the zodiac pretty well. [[TigerVersusDragon The clashes are epic.]] ---Click here to return to the EasternZodiac, but mind the Rat's advice.

EasyAmnesia * This troper knew a teenage girl who received brief amnesia after falling from a skateboard. For about an hour or so after regaining consciousness, she had no idea who she or any of her family were, but she had a long spiel to share about hobbits. ** Pretty common after head trauma. The difference is that in these cases it will be both retrograde and anterograde amnesia for the time period, so often once the patient has recovered, they won't remeber anything about the time-period they were amnesic (or often around the accident due to memories taken some time to 'fix'). *** But where do the hobbits come in? *** An extended version of NonSequiturThud? * This troper once awoke from a pleasant night's sleep, went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, looked in the mirror, and found that she had obtained an impressive black eye during the night. Such an injury would surely have woken her up, but to this day she has no recollection of what happened. ** This troper had something similar happen once, and now has a large scar on his back. He still has no idea where it came from. *** You two do know that those sorts of things are common occurrences with violent ghosts, right? * This troper has been known to wake up with no idea who, where, etc. he is. Given a bit of time things will generally straighten out on their own, but if someone else is around to answer some questions, all the better. * Some people display an unlikely form of amnesia where they think their own amusing peccadilloes qualify as plot-convenient rather than real-world-applicable, even when they just read an entire page about the distinction. ** To rectify the intentionally awkward language: Some people, having forgotten when it happened to them, think some problems only happen in stories and not in real life, even when they just read an entire page about the distinction (story world vs real world). * This troper is missing 2 days of her life, I was a kid so I couldn't have been drinking or anything but I woke up on Monday insistent it was Saturday. It was also a special weekend where we met family relatives so should have been remarkable enough to remember something, according to family I was definitely there, but I don't recall any of the events they described. Eventually I just lied and said I remembered to stop them worrying. * [[LoveIsWeird This troperette]] had once gotten a very bad scar and

didn't know how the heck did she get it. To this day she still puzzles over it. ** This isn't actually terribly uncommon, to have scars on your body you don't recall getting. This Troper was helping install an air conditioner, once, and noticed there was a good deal of fresh blood smeared on it. Curious, I asked the other two there whose it was. Each took a look down their hands and arm. Once it became obvious neither of them had been cut, I looked at my own. That blood was ''mine''. It's pretty easy to imagine that had I not seen that smear, and instead went to take a shower afterward (being awfully sweaty, afterall), I'd never have any recollection of being cut that day. Ergo, a scar on my body and absolutely no idea where it came from. I'm pretty sure [[PennAndTeller Penn & Teller]] had an episode of ''[[PennAndTellerBullshit Bullshit]]'' (the one on aliens) that mentions this. I'm not trying to say you didn't black out, just that the explanation may be so simple as merely not noticing it when it happened ([[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occams_razor Occam's Razor]]). It's more likely that you simply didn't notice than you had amnesia, and more likely you had amnesia than you were abducted by aliens. I have about thirty on my body (the majority of which on my back). Few do I recall getting. * When I was little, a car litterally fallen over Me and my family (While we were in a car). While my sister and my mom can remember exactly what happened, me and my dad don't. I remember nothing from the hour before the accident and 3 days after the accident. My dad, in the other side, he just remember he was talking nosense and worried about the car keys. * October 31st 2005 for me goes thusly: Get up, do morning routine, Go to school, at 2pm, Give blood, leave, 30 minutes later feel like shit, Pass out.Apparently, I woke up, left school and started to go back home.My friend (who was supposed to drive me home later that day) found me sitting on a bench, waiting for the bus in the pouring rain.She helped me to her car and drove me home. * This troper occasionally has lapses of momentary ego-loss. It goes like this: troper is doing something completely normal and routine; troper takes a potty break or whatever else requires him to go to the bathroom afterwards; while washing hands troper looks in the mirror and is utterly unable to recognize his face. This is usually followed by the fascinated discovery that troper does, indeed, possess a physical body which then leads to several minutes of amazed exploration of the functions said body can perform (such as clenching fingers into a fist, raising one eyebrow, saying something random and watching the face's lips follow the exact words, etc). Troper has tried having conversations with "himself", which usually leads to "snapping back", so to say. Since the first time this phenomenon has occured, troper has developed an unhealthy fascination with psychoactive drugs, but (un)fortunately has so far been unable to procure anything stronger than THC of random variety. * I have lost memories which other people remember, but I dont. A girl I knew at school mentioned someone with their hands down their pants that appeared to be masturbating on the street, that we saw, but I have no memory of this at all. I did later get a memory of it, a very

small few second long and slightly confusing memory of it I think may be a false memory. I think I was in a taxi at the time, my sister was there but I dont remember the girl. * This troper can't remember any of second grade. All the rest of his life is there, even memories from being less than two years old, but that entire year is missing. * This troper went to bed one night. The next morning, he woke up sprawled on his dining room floor with his siblings all standing over him. They told him that he had gotten up, eaten some breakfast with the family, tripped while getting up from the table and stumbled head first into the adjacent wall. Not a straight example as he didn't forget who he was, just all the morning's events prior to waking up on the floor. * This troper's Physics teacher got temporary amnesia after being hit by a car while bike riding. The poor guy got stuck in a 5 second loop while in the hospital, repeating his phrases over and over, and forgetting them to repeat them again. He also lost ALL inhibitions, and the other patients received amusement at him repeating "Do my parents know I'm okay? Do my parents know I'm okay? Do my parents know I'm okay? Do my parents know I'm okay?" or [[OverlyLongGag "Uh-oh, I think I'm gonna fart! Uh-oh, I think I'm gonna fart! Uh-oh, I think I'm gonna fart! Uh-oh, I think I'm gonna fart! Uh-oh, I think I'm gonna fart!"]] He didn't remember any of it after leaving the hospital, but wishes someone had gotten it on tape. ---Click here to go back to EasyAmnesia... Click here to go back to EasyAmnesia... Click here to go back to EasyAmnesia... Click here to go back to... ----

EatingLunchAlone * [[{{Cosman246}} This troper]] gets an SSS on this, nowadays * This troper started out with this, but in the end ended up sitting by all the other EatingLunchAlone kids. One was a Russian transfer student with a hate of America and an extremely heavy accent, two were developmentally disabled girls who managed to pull of TotallyRadical, one was a quiet Pentacostalist Christian artist, one was my not too social but otherwise normal HeterosexualLifePartner (sort of...we're both girls and I'm not heterosexual), and then me, an antisocial socially awkward weird math genius. We were a weird group. It was plesant, when the TotallyRadical girls weren't tossing around gossip and "look here, girlfweend". When that happened I missed the good old days of sitting alone, lol. * This trope fits [[FloatingRootBeer me]] to a "T". I sat alone at lunch partly because I couldn't handle the socializing, and partly because I viewed lunch, like recess, as a quiet time to relax and reflect on the little things in life amid the constant troubles of school and homework. Of course, my middle school and high school teachers [[StopHelpingMe did everything they could to keep me company]]. ** [[SonicLover Ditto here.]] I can't remember the last time I

willingly ate lunch with someone else. ** Funny that this troper remembers perfectly well the petrifying anxiousness everytime she realised there was no one to sit with during lunch, and how she felt like everyone was looking at her and judging. What's funny about it? That a few years later I finally made friends and suddenly felt very bothered by their constant attention. I also remember well the feeling of relief when I could get rid of them during lunch or recess or whatever, and the disappointment when someone else decided to 'help me' by making me company. *** Your situation is a lot like mine! I didn't make friends at my new school for 2 years, and when I finally did I soon found myself annoyed by them and their shallowness. I also attempt to avoid them at lunch (I'm doing it right now actually, they're all sitting outside gossping while I'm in the library writing these words.) I wonder why I even bother hanging round with them anyway because we have little in common. * At work, this troper closes his office door and eats lunch alone at his computer while reading TV Tropes. ** Seconded. I'm a teacher, sitting alone at lunch in my otherwiseempty classroom doing exactly this. I am the only man in the math department. The 8 other teachers are fine women one-on-one, but put them all together...No thank you. * TruthInTelevision, as this troper can attest. ** Seconded. I know your pain. You have my axe... ** Subvered; some people will actually try to eat alone, sometimes to look cool, sometimes because they don't like classmates, awkward in social situations, or other reasons. *** This troper is of the latter, part of it is because some people's eating habits are ''disgusting'' to watch. **** This troper eats alone because there are more tables then students, and you get more tray/leg room. **** Subverted and played straight with this troper. The first day of highschool this troper didn't know anyone. Subverted later when a girl at my table pissed me off. **** This troper makes it a rule to never go to an occupied lunch table. It's not that I don't like people or lunching with them, its just that I'm a leader and not a follower, so if they want to eat lunch with me, I'm going to be in charge. *** TruthInTelevision, yes, for [[DavinValkri this troper,]] but not necessarily due to explicit ostracism. What's wrong with enjoying the taste of food rather than the conversation (usually banal) of others? *** Also, this Troper. Sure, other people are fine as classmates, but being around them in all their social problems and banal discussions really pisses me off. * Eating is this troper's alone time. She ate lunch alone at school most of the time, and now eats dinner alone at the university dining hall, just because she doesn't like being around people while she eats. * [[ARandomSerf This troper]] chooses to eat alone most of the time. I don't have any specific aversion to my classmates (I hardly know most of them); I just follow a get-in-eat-get-out approach to mealtimes. * This troper, since his friends are all starving college students,

ends up eating alone quite frequently by virtue of being willing to spend money going out to lunch while they arent. * This troper ended up eating alone almost all the way through school, due to an inability to make friends. This was remedied in the last two years of school by finally finding people in his own age group who wanted to hang out with him. ** Same here. I ate lunch alone up until my sophomore year in high school. * This troper does it all the time. He's not antisocial, he just thinks most of the other people he talks to are annoying. ** I was with you in high school now I eat alone because eating in my room at university is much more comfortable. * This troper was this in middle school. Except that kids would sit with me so the (small) grade wouldn't look bad for leaving me alone, and then proceed to ignore me. So it was sort of the same thing. * [[{{Drowzee64}} This Troper]] has embodied this trope since eighth grade. None of my friends had the same lunch time as me, so I started skipping lunch. I made a stealth game out of avoiding the teachers so I could find an open computer lab abandoned by a class that was out to lunch. In ninth grade, (high school where I live) I snuck out onto the patio and ate with no one for lunch. According to the school rules, the patio is supposed to be for seniors only. I was a brave little freshman, but eventually the seniors' teasing became too much. I tried eating on a staircase for a few weeks, and I got caught (but not in trouble!) because this spot left me unexposed. I started to feel uncomfortable with the obviousness of my spot, so I started eating with my mentor/counselor (and several kids who either had issues or mental problems) on the days that she was there. I ate underneath a different staircase accompanied by about 10 crude penis doodles and some bad poetry on the walls in the days that she wasn't there. I bring my sharpie and add my own graffiti from time to time. This counselor/staircase pattern has been brought with me into tenth grade. * This troper somewhat subverts the trope because he chooses to sit alone, he has never been able to have a healthy relationship (ok a lie but mostly true) thus sits alone because he feels self-conscious whenever he eats around other people. ** This troper was the same way. I eventually got used to it, but I'm still cautious whenever I eat messy foods like nachos. * This troper went through this in elementary school and not by choice, and that plus some really intense bullying means that she still has a complex about eating by herself and will sometimes border on panic attacks. Yeah, KidsAreCruel. ** For me, it's the opposite. I border on panic attacks when I'm forced to eat in crowded areas, unless it's overcrowded with my friends. I can't stand the lunchroom or busy restaurants. I just can't stand eating when there is a large group of anonymous people talking loudly. * [[FourtyTwoHz This troper]] eats lunch alone as he likes, whenever he can, to have it at different times than his friends. He eats at the university restaurant, which is open from 11:00 to 13:30. * [[{{Nomic}} This troper]] eats his lunch alone whenever he can. He believes it is rude to sit on an already occupied table.

* This troper, because she has Avoidant Personality Disorder and would be too busy worrying what her companions thought of her food choices, her attire, the way she sits... * Happens to this troper on days when none of his friends class schedules match up with his. The number of days per week varies with each semester. * Subverted in [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]]'s university, where eating lunch alone is perfectly normal and nobody thinks much of it -- it just means your friends are not in college at the moment. * This troper eats alone because of a bad experience where someone I was sitting with ate my pizza, after I put it down after a couple of bites. And I really wanted to finish the pizza. * Subverted in [[{{Octane}} this troper]]'s case, when he chose to sit at an empty table for much of his senior year, but had it taken over by people who insisted on talking to him. I'd call it an UnwantedHarem, but...[[NauseaFuel hoarf]]. * [[{{onyhow}} This troper]]. Most of the time he likes to eat alone (stems from bullying problem), but if other people are not a prick, then sometimes he joins with others. * This troper (and I've seen this happen to others), when choosing to eat lunch alone, was often accosted by other well-meaning students, total strangers, insisting that she join 'their table' and that no one should have to eat lunch all by themselves. Declining the invitation (however politely, and it varied) provoked utter shock from the inviters. I think highschoolers base a good portion of their actual social behavior on tropes from fiction, even more than the rest of us; I'm sure there's a wiki page on it here somewhere, the reverse of {{Truth in Television}}. Anyone know what it is? ** RealityIsUnrealistic. * This troper always preferred to eat alone. It never really worked before college because people would come and sit by me, and it's not like I would ever say "go away, I want to eat alone". It works in college only because he's found that if you eat at awkward times (like right when dinner starts) there's nobody else there and so nobody will bother you. Also in high school senior year the senior dining room was so small eating alone wasn't really an option, but it was still better to eat there if you didn't want to be annoyed by idiots. * This Troper sees lunch as a valid reason to read and eat in peace (yes, she doesn't choose to sit alone because of bullying - though that is something she goes through - but because she wants to ''read''), and she most-always tries to sit alone. But someone in middle school got the great idea to make assigned seats, as well as the even BETTER idea to say, "Oh, look at {{Magnezone}} [real name removed]. She must be so lonely sitting by herself, despite the fact that she looks perfectly happy and is reading a book! Oh, but wait, she never got an opportunity to pick a seat at lunch because she broke her leg on the second day of school! Let's put her at the same table with the loner girl who can't control her urges to scream like a banshee! Oh, goody, maybe they can ''improve each other's social standing!!'' ...What? She doesn't like noise? Well, nobody told me ''that''! Pity we can't change the seating arrangements, eh?" None of this is exaggeration.

* This troper spent a lot of time eating lunch alone when she attended her new school in tenth grade. Just saying - social nobodies do exist. * While [[{{Pita}} I]] generally eat lunch with other people, once or twice a month I'll eat alone, usually because there's no one else free at the time, but sometimes because I'm a snob. * This troper at alone for years. Since she discovered the internet and anime however, she has befriended the geeks and eats with them. :D * This troper eats alone pretty much every day. And occasionally reads TVTropes while doing so. * This troper is generally a loner, and prefers to eat alone - and, admittedly, loves to eat without the distraction (or judgement of eating habits). * This troper ate alone for a while when she got turned into a ThirdWheel. * [[{{Luna87}} This troper]] often eats alone, purely out of preference. * This troper made a promise to himself when he started college, he would never eat alone. He managed to go through college eating always with his friends (or eating a snack to avoid being alone in the cafeteria) but in Law School he has been forced to eat alone only three times. * [[BattleHamster This troper]] did a program where she took college classes in high school, so she knew almost no one at the university and usually ate alone. Then when when she went to college "for real," she still ate meals alone in the dorms. She's never particularly minded. If you bring a book with you, it looks less pathetic (at least, that's what she hopes). * [[{{MiraShio}} I]] have two de facto best friends in class whom I absolutely love, and vice versa. Halfway through the third semester of our second high school year, however, I developed this habit of eating lunch in the stairwell instead of in the cafeteria with them; it might have been because they had become part of a group I was not a part of, which made sitting with them rather awkward. It was okay, though; my place meant my LoveInterest would pass by me. * [[TheHeroHartmut This troper]] never really noticed the negative implications of eating lunch alone before he discovered the trope. [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife Thanks for making me feel even more insecure about myself, TV Tropes.]] * [[{{Malph}} I]] did this regularly since 8th grade (prior to that I went to a school with assigned tables for lunch). It was mostly because all my friends had a different lunch period than me (and the ones that didn't usually skipped lunch). As with many others here, I had the people who'd come over to give me company, but since I don't really talk much (something only people who knew me were aware of) it probably seemed like I was being anti-social. Now that I'm in college I don't even eat at school (which is good because I don't know if anyone I know even attends the same school... or any school in a few cases). * I eat alone most of the time simply because I don't like the people around me. At one point, I sat down at some random table, and a guy came up to me and chatted with me for a bit. Then I realized the table I was sitting at was completely devoid of any other students besides

me. Now I go to a school that is severely overcrowded, so this kinda scared me a bit. * [[{{Gerusz}} This troper]] actually prefers to eat alone (except when the eating itself is a social event like a family reunion or a dinner date): he is pretty utilitarian by nature, and as eating takes time from actually being productive, he tries to minimize the time required. Eating and talking can't be done concurrently (as both involves the same organ), eating with someone lengthens the eating process, thus detracts more time from actually doing something. * If it's possible to do without offending somebody (parties come to mind), I eat alone whenever I can. First, I'd rather recuperate from socializing and focus on the food. Second, the noises of other people eating drive me up walls. * Slightly odd relationship with this trope. I usually ate with my friends during high school unless scheduling made that impossible. Then, I could choose to eat with some really nice acquaintances or have a quiet lunch--occasionally with other people coming over to join me anyway. It rarely felt uncomfortable. When college came my dorm happened to be situated ridiculously far from the good dining hall, so I usually just made myself a sandwich or something out of laziness. * This unknown troper always prefers to eat alone. Gets really annoying when someone sees me sitting alone and therefore I [[LonersAreFreaks ''must'']] be sad and lonely, and try to strike up conversations which generally end rather awkwardly. I mostly do it out of a (mostly irrational) dislike for most people in my class. * This troper used to eat alone for practical reasons. His classmates steal food from him. Now, he eats with the EasilyAmused classmates to snark, and make them choke. Other than that, he still sees no need to join in. * This troper often eats alone at high school. But I have good reasons: ** If I have something productive I must do during lunch period. So I either eat quickly or eat while walking towards the classroom. ** My ''friend'' I often eat lunch with often has {{Ax Crazy}} or {{Manipulative Bastard}} moments. If I don't want to stay with him, I usually use the same excuse above (I always use that advantage if I truly have to). ** Sometimes I don't want to use either excuse because I'm {{Surrounded by Idiots}} often. I'm practically {{The Drifter}} during lunch, talking with others for a minute as I circle the grounds. * This Troper prefers to eat alone because A) she doesn't like to talk and fells awkward being the only to not to contribute to a conversation, B) she's a naturally a slow eater and if she does talk to people she wont get her lunch finished, and C) she would much rather read/finish homework/doodle/etc. if she has free time after eating, anyway. * One of the above tropers mentioned avoiding people at lunch because of their disgusting eating habits. This troper avoids people at lunch because her table manners are bad, she knows it, and she doesn't want to gross anyone out. * This troper started eating lunch alone in high school, when she would always head up to the library when she was done and thus didn't

want to leave someone ''else'' alone. Now that she's in college... well, she just doesn't like other people much and would rather be somewhere the campus wireless reaches. * What always works for me is to pick a seat somewhere in a corner, pull out a book, and then completely ignore everything around you. I can have a whole table full of people around me, but I will still get the feeling that I am completely alone if I have a book. * I'm like this. I love people and I love to talk, don't get me wrong. But at lunch I just kind of want to sit and read by myself. I'm not antisocial but I do like some alone time. In 7th grade, I was quickly alienated from all of my friends because I read so much and it made me feel miserable. Now I tend to force myself to sit down next to ''someone'' and attempt to socialize, even though most of the time it's me sitting next to a friend and making boring, trivial conversation (which I've always hated) or maybe even no conversation at all. * This troper was like that by choice in elementary, middle, and high school. Now, in university, he tends to take his meals at odd hours, if at all. * [[{{Alrune}} This Troper]] doesn't like eating lunch with people. Really. I would much rather spend this time enjoying my meal and not hear a word and THEN I join the others. People often don't understand that this troper NEEDS some alone time every now and then. Being an only child has a lot to do with it I think. * This troper prefers doing this, since she usually reads while eating and prefers the solitude to the general screaming, gossiping chaos that is the lunch table. Of course, when things get too dull, she just drags herself to said table and basks in the chaos. * This troper is an expert in this, particularly because many times his classmates/seniors/freshmen take too long to decide to have lunch... or don't do it entirely. Due to this, he has eaten in every building on the university. And there were times where there was a table of known people, but he still ate alone because he felt his presence would be unnecessary. * This troper, due to his grab bag of psychoses, is a bit funny when it comes to eating. To him, eating is a bit like going to the bathroom, only in reverse. I know it sounds stupid but eating is a thing you do in private, like sleeping, brushing teeth, etc. I'm sure my shrink knows why that is. * This troper prefers doing this, even as an adult. Maybe it's because I'd much rather be by myself and do my own thing...? * [[Troper/AdelePotter This Tropette]] can honestly say that this trope is a FateWorseThanDeath in middle school. * [[@/{{Nerdarena}} I]] have friends, I swear. They're just not in the same lunch period as me. . . Though I have taken to eating with a small group of acquaintances, let's just say I'm a fast eater. I also read or do homework while eating, so those few people are little more than LonersAreFreaks repellent. If the library allowed food, that would be another story. * [[{{FairyDreamer}} This troper]] always eats lunch alone because she goes to a different school than her other friends. Some other students usually come to her table, but she pays no attention to them because

she likes the time to relax herself. * This troper moved the last quarter of sophomore year to a new school (the school I moved from was also a new school) and sat alone at a table, eating and reading. I sat alone in English, and a girl promptly asked me if I wanted to sit with the girl and her friends. Surprised, I said no. She kept asking, eventually I caved, and then one day voila! Friends of hers came over and pulled me over to their table. (I made other friends, ones I actually new, and sat with them most of the time). The thing is, the reason I didn't try to sit with new people/make friends was because I missed my old friends and didn't want anymore. Obviously, it didn't go as planned. * Played straight, then inverted, then played straight again by [[BlueNinja0 this troper]]. Up until sophomore year in high school, I sat alone (or at best, with two other fellow social pariahs) for various reasons. Sophomore year, I hung out with a half dozen other people to play Magic in the cafeteria, which (as I discovered later) made me one of the "cool kids". Now, as an adult in the military, I usually am sitting alone because the only chance I get to read is while I'm eating! * Played straight here. I normally eat alone in school, even forfeiting dinner at home with my parents to enjoy a burger by myself on a lonely walk home from school. I keep myself company with quality tunes, so its not too bad. * This troper regularly ate lunch alone through middle school and the first year or so of high school. Worse, though, is eating at a table where you DON'T know the people even vaguely well, simply because there aren't enough tables in the lunch room to be able to eat alone. Oh god, attempting to avoid eye contact and eat lunch... PAINFULLY AWKWARD. ** Do I ever know it. Lunch tables must be insanely expensive - there were times where groups of people had to split up because there weren't enough tables to accomodate them. So, of course, if you ended up in a different lunch block than your friends (which I always inevitably did), you either had to go up to someone you talked to maybe once in your life and awkwardly ask to sit there, or sit at the end of a mostly-full table of strangers (or, on REALLY bad days, people who you already didn't get along with). Not to mention that actually eating lunch as a girl (which I am) was consider taboo and instantly made you one of the 'fat girls', which [[HollywoodPudgy I really wasn't]]. Last year, my junior year, was considerably better at first, I had my own table. Then, once my StalkerWithACrush came into the picture, I sat with a group of people I'd kind of grown apart from and didn't talk to anybody. THEN, I somehow ended up in the underclassmen lunch, and due to knowing NONE of them, I sat in the hallway, which is technically against school rules (as is going to the library or anywhere else during lunch time, so the awkwardness is unavoidable AND the lunchroom is extra crowded), but managed to talk my way out of it when teachers tried to reprimand me. Hopefully senior year won't suck QUITE as bad as the rest, but with one of my only friends having graduated, and the other having switched schools, I've gone from 'maybe I'll have the same lunch as ONE of them this year' to 'I have no friends to even sit by', so the prospect's not looking

good. * I'm a college student, and even though I have friends, I usually eat lunch alone. I actually prefer to eat quickly and go find something else to do. Sitting with someone when I'm eating is just distracting. But I still feel rather pathetic when I'm sitting alone and everyone else in the lunchroom is sitting with friends. I usually notice guys eating lunch by themselves much more often than girls (I'm a girl). * This troper thought it was horrible to eat alone the few times she did in middle school and the beginning of highschool, then she got used to it. She don't like eating alone it's just that her classmates usually ignores her and sits at other tables if she sits down first and if she sits down at the same table they'll leave when finished and not wait. She sometimes meet up with middle school friends but since lunch time is varied she eats alone several times a week. She did not even go to the over the day class trip to the capital since she can't eat alone outside. * This Troper seems to have gone through every incarnation of this trope. In elementary school I was occasionally ditched by my friend (yes, ''singular''), then I moved to a new school where I didn't make friends for ages, sat alone and read while teachers tried to make me sit with others to cure my [[LonersAreFreaks lonerism]], made some friends who were okay but not that interesting so I occasionally went and sat elsewhere, moved back to my first school and now have assimilated myself into a fantastic mob of people who provide lunchtime entertainment better than most of the stuff on TV. * How super-awkward is it when you're the first person at the table and all you can think about is "My friends are coming soon! I swear, I'm not actually a loner. I'm just eeeeaarly. Wait, why do I care about them judging me? I don't care about opinions, they can think whatever they like! ... hurry up friends..." * This troper waits until he could get home from school (food on the table by 4p) for lunch. No wonder why I surf TVTropes during lunch hour. * I ate lunch by myself for years and I know how much it sucks so today when I saw a kid from my Metals class by himself I thought about going over to invite him to eat with me, but in the end I was too much of a coward to do so...Plus I couldn't think if it would be weird for a senior girl to ask a freshman boy to eat with her. ** Same troper as above, I learned something at graduation. My student body president Senior Year used to eat lunch alone like me in middle school coz he thought absolutely no one wanted him around. He's one of the most popular guys in school now. It was so heartwrenching to hear how much it hurt him. I sort of fell in love... * This troper eats lunch alone because she likes the silence- her school is full of very loud students, so there's no real silence, but at least at my spot, there's nobody else in close vicinity and I get to watch the birds. It's nice. * [[@/{{Tadaru}} This troper]] surprisingly averted this trope all the way through high school, despite how little he has in the way of social skills. Played straight when he was in college though, but that's mostly because of everyone being on different schedules. * Me, all the time. Even when I started to make friends, I still

prefer to eat alone and then go to them. I notice this especially when I'm waiting in a cafe, waiting for my mother to pick me up, sitting in a corner somewhere, buried in all the social interaction and trying to be completely inconspicuous (a blade in the crowd, if you will.) * [[@/{{Grognor}} Grognor]] eats lunch alone because he has no friends. * This Troper will occasionally move to another empty table halfway through the lunch period when she gets tired of listening to her exbest friend babble stupidly (the lunchroom is pretty packed; every other table but the one empty table is full, so there's nowhere else to sit besides the empty table). * This troper sat alone in middle school. It wasn't the other students so much, as the desire to sit in an area where the birds couldn't crap on me again. I got bombed twice in three years and I don't know anyone else who was hit once. * Ever since elementary school I was like this for several reasons: I liked being by myself, all of the other seats I try to sit at was saved for another person, none of my friends had the same lunch as I did or I had no friends at the time. Partially subverted when I eat lunch in a classroom of one of my teachers. I will socialize with the other students in the room and sometimes the teacher after I'm done eating. * Eating school lunch food sucks arse. Literally, it's to the point that I don't eat school lunch food any more and now I eat at home (frozen stuff from the supermarket is way better than the rumoured surplus you find at school). I just happen to fit into this trope. * This troper tried so hard in school, but either there were no empty tables, or someone would come pester her. [[StopHelpingMe Ugh.]] Now, if she absolutely must eat in public, she usually hides behind a tree. Her mom used to take it up a notch by fleeing to the bathroom; this troper would have done the same, but the schools were very strict and would have given her a slew of detentions for cutting "class," bringing food into the bathroom, etc. * I've usually eaten alone since seventh grade, since none of my friends had lunch at the same time as me then. After a while, I started to eat alone by preference, since I've never talked much at lunch anyway. All I do is read and eat, really, and whenever some well-meaning people come up and try to start a conversation or make me sit at their table, it just ends up being awkward (I'm not the best conversationalist). I was a bit self-conscious about it at first, but it's mostly gone away now. * I didn't eat lunch alone in high school or middle school, because most of my friends had the same lunch period I did. Now that I'm in college, I've adopted the "get in, eat, get out" policy. I only share a table if someone comes up and asks if they can sit with me - and then only if there are no other empty tables. * For this troper's school, usually it's breakfast time, (we finish school a bit faster than international schools....) In this case, subverted, since I often look for classmates to sit with and they're pretty much okay with it. The lunch time during sophomore, however.... * This troper used to eat alone because eating in front of other people made her nervous. It got so bad, she wouldn't go to the college

cafeteria (sometimes she'd go, but only if it wasn't during the busiest hour). She'd either eat carrots or popcorn in her dorm room or skip the meal altogether. She's gotten better; now she can eat in front of people, but she still ends up eating alone in the cafeteria because her schedule is different from that of her friends and she likes to read and write while eating. * This troper eats by herself, but only because when she ''does'' eat with her friends she ends up doing a lot more talking than eating and always ends up hungry later because of it. * Variant: [[@/{{Icarael}} I]] eat lunch alone most of the time because I have a different lunch hour and a different preferred spot from my usual companions. It doesn't really bother me that much: I know I'll run into them some time in the day, when our schedules intersect. * This tropette and her friends always eat lunch together in an isolated but very pleasant corner. On days when they don't show up, I sit there alone and scarf my lunch, receiving misaimed sympathy from other kids. Oops. Hey, you're {{eating lunch alone}}? [[{{Stop Helping Me}} Mind if I join you?]]

EatingTheEyeCandy This Troper knows a woman who likes to peek in on the health club at the local strip mall just to watch the guys lift weights and look at their muscles and sweat when [[ShirtlessScene they have their shirts off]].

EatTheDog * This troper's father refers to the family dog as the MEFFS (pronounced meffs): Mobile Emergency Food and Footwear Supply. * Not strictly speaking of a ''dog'', but [[{{Crion87}} this troper]]'s mother once owned a pet rabbit. This troper's father, however, called the bunny "Arthur" - as in "R for rabbit - that's all you need to eat" (in this troper's native country, Australia, rabbits are usually considered vermin but are also considered edible). ** Subverted, since the fat content of Rabbit is too low to support humans and you actually expend more bodly resources producing the enzymes to digest the meat than you get from it, so unless you prefer your rabbit stuffed full of icecream and marsbars, deepfried and covered in whipped cream before being wrapped in bacon you won't last long on rabbit alone. ** Yup. They call that 'rabbit starvation', but in a survival or urban situation that's the least of your worries. They're a good source of protein, and that's about it. Sorta like rhubarb in that respect. Diet foods, anyone? * This troper's gamertag used to be EatingAPuppy. [[YouBastard "You bastard."]] became a [[CatchPhrase Catch Phrase]] for me. * This troper's dad teases her about her pets like this a lot...Of

course she doesn't believe it, but que hugging the goose tight and kicking him in the shins. * My dad grew up on a farm, and to this day still mourns the baby goat he befriended only to find out that night he had eaten it. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EchoingAcoustics * I have a surround sound amplifier with a digital signal processor. Whoopy doo. It has at least a dozen settings, called things like "Rock Stadium" and "Concert Hall", but which would be more accurately labelled "Far Too Much Echo", "Far Too Much Reverb", "Far Too Much Echo AND Reverb" etc. Who uses these settings? * [[{{Tropers/Sen}} I]] personally love reverb and echo as long as they don't sound fake - I am a fan of dream pop, psychedelia and shoegazing after all. However, bizarrely enough, Eighties gated reverb can be a BerserkButton for me - mostly because it sounds fake and everybody did it in the eighties (yeah, even the Pixies and Jane's Addiction...). * I actually will intentionally use way, way, ''waaaay'' too much reverb to create ambient music. I'll record silence for about three minutes, and every 45 seconds or so, I'll make some kind of noise, such as whistling, suddenly shouting, dragging a violin bow across a banjo, or striking some kind of resonant piece of metal. When the track is played back, it sounds awful. I then use my basic "a little too much reverb" sound, reverse the track, apply the reverb again so it has a faded in sound, then orient it forwards again and ''reapply'' the reverb, sometimes twice. The result sounds like something straight out of the head of [[SilentHill Akira Yamaoka]] * One Christmas back in high school, my sister got a karaoke machine as a present, along with a few karaoke CD's. At one point we discovered it had reverb and delay dials for the vocals, which naturally led to someone turning both all the way up and doing a spoken word EchoingAcoustics version of "It's Raining Men". ---Back to [-Back to-] [--Back to--] [[EchoingAcoustics Echoing]] [[[EchoingAcoustics Echoing]]-] [--[[EchoingAcoustics Echoing]]--] [[EchoingAcoustics Acoustics]] [-[[EchoingAcoustics Acoustics]]-] [-[[EchoingAcoustics Acoustics]]--] ----

EducationThroughPyrotechnics * One of this editor's friends blew up a solution. It involved an overdose of calcium carbonate, but the friend was okay. ** This editor did the same with copper carbonate. * This editor once caused the evacuation of a high school after accidentally dropping sodium in the sink in a senior chemistry lab. As can be expected, the pipes exploded, there was a small fire, someone pulled the fire alarm and the school was evacuated with the fire

department on its way. No one was hurt, and classes continued after it was confirmed to be an accident. * Similarly, this editor's father would occasionally recount tales of a former workplace, where bored employees would occasionally throw chunks of sodium out of windows during winter, when the ground was covered in snow... * Once in high school, our chemistry teacher told us that the day's experiment would produce pure oxygen as a byproduct, which we would capture (by holding an upside down test tube over the tube we were combining the chemicals in) and then light with our bunsen burners, to "prove the experiment was successful". You'd better believe that the entire class did everything right and got their experiments done that day. ** This Troper had a similar experiment in high school, only with matches and several glass cups (because the school was too cheap to provide us with actual equipment). Eventually, we began combining the glasses of oxygen at different angles and shattered one of the glasses in one explosion. *** Might you two mean hydrogen instead of oxygen? Oxygen can't catch fire or explode (but it can make an existing flame bigger). **** Uhm...Therefore, it '''''does''''' catch fire! ***** Technicaly burning is form of oxidation. Hence the oxygen cannot oxidate but can increase or decrease the rate of oxidation but it cannot oxidate itself. * One of this editor's friends caused an explosion by carrying a lighted splint past a gas tap he didn't realise was open. The wall was singed but the teacher didn't notice. * This troper once had his high school's chemistry teacher described to him as someone who, since he was nearing retirement, tried to have a lot more ''fun'' with his classes than might otherwise be expected. This included causing explosions whenever possible. ** This troper's chem teacher blew stuff up just because he could. *** ...Do you call him [[{{Mythbusters}} Mr. Savage]], by any chance? * This troper's high school Chem teacher started the very first class off with an explosive demonstration, and then did the lighting hydrogen as our first experiment. He was also fond of telling us how big the explosion would be when we get hit by an earthquake (although that wasn't unjustified, as due to several school closures and new regulations, we had FOUR schools worth of all the dangerous chemicals.) ** At least you didn't have any crystallizing picric acid lurking in the back shelves... the bomb squad had to be called in. * This troper's high school Chem teacher started the year off by lighting his desk on fire. ** This troper's teacher did the same. He then proceeded to light some steel wool on fire and threw it in the air when it lit too soon, almost hitting this troper. ** Same with this troper. Except there is ''[[AppliedPhlebotinum radioactive material]]'' in our storage room. We periodically measure it with a Geiger counter. Mostly after a lab somehow involved blowing up soap. ** This troper too, then he set his hand on fire. The best part was,

that was nowhere near the coolest thing that teacher did. * This troper's high school Chem lab had very old bunsen burners. We were required to light the match, and then turn on the burners. I had a pair of crazy friends who decided to do it the other way around, and then couldn't light the match... * This troper's college suffered a lab accident in the Chem building. While no details were ever divulged, apparently, while the lab room was left generally intact, the blast was still powerful enough to ''knock out the power grid to the entire school campus''. * This troper had a teacher in high school who would start off his physical science, physics, and chemistry classes each year with a cute little potassium explosion. Sadly, this troper wasn't in the class where the potassium he'd prepared spontaneously combusted as the oil it had been stored in dripped off. She heard it was funny. This troper also had a college Chem professor who is "no longer allowed" to teach the lab sections for his basic chemistry class, for obvious explodey reasons. ** Speaking of oil dripping off elements, the then-Head of Science at this troper's old school discovered, amid preparations for moving to a new building, several jars of potassium and sodium, about fifty years old and really low on oil, at the back of a cupboard. After screaming slightly, she called the bomb squad, who spent the rest of the day disposing of it all in the pond. The gardener is still pissed about his lilies, but the bomb guys apparently appreciated the entertainment. * This troper's mother once told her about a classmate who lighted a match near an open tap that dispensed ''pure oxygen''. Miraculously, no one got hurt, even though half the classroom was ruined. * Somewhere between Truth In Television and Film, this troper once made a short movie in which a disastrous high school chemistry experiment triggered the chain of events making up the plot.When asking the chem teacher if she could borrow the lab to film the scene, he eagerly offered up a few chemicals that really would produce a small explosion. This troper declined, having come up with a much more effective way to imply an explosion. (A fast dip to white and the sound of breaking glass. Works wonders.) ** This filmmaker troper applauds the above troper's skillful creativity, but decries her abhorrent lack of joy at filming BADA BOOM. ''Free'' BADA BOOM. Couldn't you have used both effects? * Clearly this trope is TruthInTelevision, everybody who's ever been in science class has had one of these stories. One of the more memorable high school shenanigans was when some guys managed to set alight the gas duct that they were meant to plug the bunsen burner into. The result was a flame that went all the way to the ceiling before the teacher hit the emergency shut-off valve. * This troper had a classmate who managed to kill the power to that wing of the school by "accidentally, I swear" spilling concentrated hydrochloric acid on the electrical outlets set into the desks. This resulted in sparks flying out of said outlets at roughly groin level, which worried said male classmate very much. The smell was something out of a children's gross-out-entertainment show, the outlets were boarded over the next day, and the kid never lived it down.

* This troper had a college lab teacher who decided to show us just how powerful the chemicals we were using to clean glassware were...by putting a drop of said chemical on a thick plate of stainless steel, and having us watch as said chemical ''ate through almost half an inch of steel''. Not quite explodey, but same principle. * This troper's uncle once pitched a brick of sodium into the Charles River, apparently just for the hell of it. The resulting explosion could be heard in Quincy. Bored drunk MIT undergrads are so fun. ** This troper is given to understand that a professor, with several chem students, did much the same thing several years back with a large quantity of sodium in the Mississippi River, without alcohol. The resultant spray reportedly struck the 70-foot clearance bridge, though that is likely an exaggeration. There is also another professor who is no longer allowed near the department's Tesla coil, for presumably similar, if less outright explosive reasons. ** This troper's mother had a classmate who intentionally pitched a chunk of sodium down the chemistry lab sink as a prank. The classmate survived; the sink did not. ** This troper will see your 'drunk MIT undergrad with sodium' and raise you a [[http://everything2.com/title/The+Explosion+in+Back+Bay+Story sober MIT undergrad group with dynamite]]. * This troper has had several instructors do demos involving glowing, fizzling, and occasionally exploding chemicals, including the obligatory "alkali metals in water" demos. * This troper obviously went to an extremely boring high school, as neither his nor any of his classmates' chemistry teachers ever blew anything up or set anything on fire to the best of his recollection. ** Variant: This troper went to a high school for the [[{{Delinquents}} sort of students]] who shouldn't be allowed near fire. We never were. * This troper's chem teacher gave the usual wear-your-goggles spiel at the beginning of the year. Near the end of the year he gave a [[GogglesDoNothing sometimes-goggles-can't-save-you]] spiel accompanied by exposing a set of goggles to a large beaker of pyrotechnic materials. Shortly thereafter we had a wrecked beaker and a puddle of plastic. * This troper's chem teacher was able to somehow ''subvert'' this trope, with education through ''lack'' of pyrotechnics. She halffilled a tennis ball-can with explosive gas, and set off the striker. Explosion. She then asked the class if they wanted her to add twice the gas. [[GenreBlind Very vocal approval.]] Striker goes. No oxygen, no explosion. Lesson on combustion complete. * This troper's chem teacher usually didn't do pyrotechnics, although she did show us some very cool chemical reactions. Except that time when she had the class build a rocket by extracting hydrogen from water, storing it in a plastic bottle and lighting it up. And the time when she placed a small piece of sodium into a bowl of water. Also, apparently some student had once accidentally dropped a piece of sodium down the drain, causing serious damage to the school's plumbings. * This troper's biology teacher once demonstrated digestion by setting

fire to some Cheetos -- relatively mild as educational pyrotechnics go, but it seemed gratuitous compared to his usually rather plain lectures. * This troper's mother still has impressive scars on her arms from an accident in a chem class. She didn't have a sense of smell, and so picked up the wrong chemical for a reaction. She punched a hole through foot thick steel reinforced concrete, and melted much of the sink. * This troper had a chemistry teacher who did much of the above--in addition to setting hydrogen on fire, turning a large 5-gallon bottle into a mini-rocket, and creating a huge puddle of green flames in the middle of a lab table (all the while spewing rainbow-colored fireballs from a Bunsen burner), he blew methane-filled soap bubbles, and popped them with a flame-on-a-stick. By adjusting the levels of methane, he showed up how he could make them go up in pretty fireballs or explode with violent force. One of this troper's favorites of his experiments didn't really go [[KillItWithFire *fwoom*]], but it did go [[StuffBlowingUp *BANG!*]] -- the combination of dry ice and sealed containers to create fantastically loud explosions. ** A more recent, college chem teacher of this troper's was fairly tame, but she ''did'' decide to set off some thermite for us once. While this troper knew all about thermite from the {{Mythbusters}}, she didn't know (and nor did the professor warn us) just how very ''bright'' the stuff was when it went up. Even though this troper looked away in less than a second, she was seeing a flame-shaped spot in her eyes for a good fifteen minutes afterward. * This troper learned how to make things explode for no reason other than "It looks cool" and "the director wants it" in her final year of Production in theatre school. Guns! Pyro! Exploding fake hearts that gush blood! AWESOME! ** Oh hell yes. This troper was GOOD at that stuff. According to her mother, a little ''too'' good. (Troper still isn't sure what her complaint was - the homemade firecrackers were a massive hit with the neighborhood kids...) * This troper's high school chemistry teacher has yet to cause any actual explosions, but he has caused one fire drill per year so far. I'm hoping my senior year is a grand finale. * This troper didn't witness it himself, but heard that one particular science teacher at his high school often started his grade 9 science class each semester by ''setting his desk on fire''. He then put it out with a fire extinguisher or some such, but that's not the point. Not sure what point this proved, but no one complained. * This troper accidentally unscrewed the bottom out of a lit bunsen burner. FWOOM. On the bright side, my eyebrows have grown back, more luxuriant than ever! * Proof that this doesn't always happen in a lab, or on purpose: During a Boy Scout camping trip, our fire safety counsellor was explaining to us about root fires and the like. Somehow, this troper can't remember because this was about 12 years ago, the roots of the lone tree in the clearing caught, and nothing happened... until a giant flame exploded out THE TOP OF THE TREE. Ka-Boom indeed. ** This troper was on a Boy Scout camping trip when someone somehow

got camp stove fuel all over his hand and didn't realize it until it caught fire! Luckily for him, the fuel has such a low flashpoint that he wasn't burned at all and the fire exhausted itself before he even had time to put it out himself. * This troper's High School chemistry teacher set off the fire alarm at least 10 times a year. Until they replaced the smoke detectors with infrared detectors, at great cost. What set all this off? Well, the first day of class, the students would set themselves on fire. Ok, so maybe not themselves, but rather hydrogen bubbles on their skin, but still. Oh, and "self-carving" pumpkins for Halloween. * [[{{Atagamay}} This troper]] has another acid-related tale. My biology professor went to college with a guy with spilled hydrochloric acid on his crotch. His jeans melted, but after being shoved in to the emergency shower, he was just fine. * To the best of this troper's knowledge, [[http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2002-17.html this Darwin Awards personal account]] was not written by her chemistry teacher. But he did once blow a fist-sized hole in the desk doing precisely that experiment. He has also been known to use unwisely large chunks of potassium in alkali-metal-water demonstrations, and once helpfully demonstrated to his class how ''not'' to put out a chip pan fire. There is still a scorch mark on the ceiling. * Almost an explosion, but not quite: In college electronics lab, the professor was very adamant about making sure people read the directions fully before starting, and always put their capacitors in the right alignment (Those who've taken these classes know where this is going). One day in lab, we head a loud 'BANG!' followed by 'CRACK' and 'SPARK'. The professor leaps across the room, unplugs a computer monitor (which now has a thumb-sized hole in it), and then leaps just as quickly to the lab bench where two students were sitting, laughing. "Gentlemen, remember how I said capacitors were not toys and should never be played with? You both just failed this course. Get out." The people sitting on either side of the destroyed monitor cheered, since a foot in either direction would've meant their ''heads''. ** Similar incident in this troper's GCSE electronics class. Making something, can't remember exactly what, but there was a sudden, loud bang and somebody screamed. They'd wired up a capacitor the wrong way round and it exploded. Although, my electronics teacher is a mad person and deliberately reverse-biased and blew up a diode and another capacitor on separate occasions. There's still a burn mark on the desk from the diode. ** This happened in a class that [[@/{{endlessness}} I]] took. A guy decided to connect an ammeter DIRECTLY to the outputs of a transformer.\\ If you know how ammeters work, you already know where this will end... If you don't: ammeters have a very small resistance (so all the current will pass through them), effectively you are shorting the power supply. Now join that with a 30V power supply and... this trope ensues. * [[{{Prioris}} This troper's]] high-school anatomy teacher gained a decent amount of fame in her school for accidentally setting her own hair on fire during a laboratory safety demonstration. Thinking

quickly (and never one to miss an opportunity for education), she dunked her head in the sink, turned back to the class and said words to the effect of "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how NOT to operate a Bunsen burner." * Today this troper's Physics teacher blew up a pumpkin. He said it was to demonstrate Newton's laws. * This troper's GSA in his freshman chem class should have learned these two rules: 1.) Make sure students know to never mix chemicals unless the lab instructs you to do so. 2.) Make sure that students know that today's lab has chemicals that shouldn't be mixed. The guy working at the station across from me broke his beakers with a burst of purple smoke that day. * Last week this troper's beginning chemistry teacher proved that hydrogen bubbles + fire = FUN. It was part of her lecture about reactions. This troper was one of the brave few to try it. * Once, in high school, this troper and his lab partner were performing a relatively simple experiment, the goal of which was to determine how much hydrogen was produced by a reaction. Our method? Collect the products and ''explode them''. It didn't produce a very quantitative result, but it was effective enough. ** And although this particular anecdote isn't explosion-related, it is chemistry-related: troper and his friends, while in grade 11, spent the better part of a semester fermenting iced tea in a locker. When our chemistry teacher found out, he gave us a few tips and let us test the alcohol content in the lab. * This troper. A very large container. Two parts pure hydrogen. One part pure oxygen. A very long lit splint. Result: A very loud bang, all the windows in the building blowing out, a small amount of water in the split container. * [[MrGuy This Troper]]'s Physics teacher did a demonstration with "flash paper" at a Parent Teacher night. Long story short, he probably shouldn't have assumed the second piece he accidentally picked up wasn't going to have much of an effect. * [[ITroper This Troper]]'s father had a very dangerous situation happen when he was in high school. A fellow student in his chem class accidentally screwed up an experiment. How? Let's just say that mixing glycerin and nitric acid is a VERY bad idea. They had to evacuate the school, bring in the police and fire department, and the principal chucked the vial into a nearby field. Snow went up like a hurricane (it was winter at the time). ** There was another thing the same Troper's father knew about. A guy in the high school's electronics repair class [[WireDilemma ended up crossing some wires he wasn't supposed to]] and blew up the TV, shooting himself across the room! ** This troper's father once got a hold of part of a brick of potassium. Lets just say that he and his pants learned a very valuable lesson about not letting alkali metals contact water (he was uninjured). * [[SkarmoryThePG This Troper]] was one half of a blackpowder demonstration to assembled teachers prior to a teacher/parent meeting. The 'raise dramatically from behind the desk in a gasmask and labcoat' part. The experiment worked. The meeting had to be moved to another

classroom. * Happened, strangely enough, in this troper's foods class. In the next kitchen over, someone spilled a bag of flour over the burner. Explosion. * In this troper's school, a (now retired) teacher set a student's lab notebook on fire with a parabolic mirror once a year. * Environmental Systems teachers should never try to be chemistry teachers. I believe the burn marks are still on the desks. * This troper's lab partner placed a red hot crucible on this troper's instruction sheet for the lab. Predictably, the instruction sheet and several paper towels caught fire. ** Said troper also had a friend who blew up a test tube containing copper and sulfur. This was in ''8th grade''. * [[{{Zemyla}} This Troper]] had a middle-school teacher who [[IncrediblyLamePun sparked our interest]] on the first day by soaking his hand in a water-and-alcohol solution and setting it on fire. He used the right mix, so it didn't burn him. * This troper had this quirky '''physics''' teacher who finished his lab class early once, and snuck a coil of magnesium out from the storeroom (we had some shared-use storerooms and labs in my secondary school) for the sole purpose of lighting it on fire to entertain us. And probably himself as well, judging by his expression at that time. * This Anon had a friend who was a... sort of emotionless pyro psycho. He would spend chemistry or physics practicals covertly stuffing bunsen burners full of wooden splints, and while I can't remember if he ever actually blew anything up, he sure tried with the materials available. Also, one of our teachers once demonstrated what I think was the thermite reaction and gassed the room. * [[{{CaptainWow}} This Troper]] experienced a narrow aversion in his sophomore year of high school. The school had no heating that winter, so the chemistry teacher lit the Bunsen burners to warm up the room. Cue the room getting quite toasty from the 30 lit burners in the back. Some moron in Troper's class decided that it would cool the room down if he blew some of them out. Not turned off, ''blew out'', leaving the ''gas '''running'''''. The chem teacher flipped seven kinds of shit on the kid, because the gas had built up to such a level after fifteen minutes that he could have blown up ''the entire science wing''. * TwoWords: [=MRE=] Bombs. Hurray for [[DrillSergeantNasty Drill Sergeant]] [[strike:Nasty]] [[RuleOfCool Awesome]]! Why yes, they ''do'' teach more than the Book. * This Anon has a teacher who has done thermite as a demo, lit a gas tap to create a foot long jet of flame, got students at an open eventing to create a 'Human Chain of Fire' with methane bubbles on their hands(I now have no hair anywhere near my hands) and the teacher could make things go boom if he was left in a kitchen for a few hours. The school is intact, for now... * An idiot in this troper's class wanted to see what would happen if one stuck a flame in vodka... after illegally bringing the vodka to ''high school'' and then ''pouring it on himself''. His screams of pain alerted the rest of us that he wasn't just break dancing in the middle of class. That, and the pale blue flames we saw after our teacher so cleverly flipped the light switch off so we could see the

pale blue flames [[GroinAttack lighting up the front of his jeans]]. Said idiot then became a minor legend at our school. Oh, and they put the fire out. Eventually. * This troper had always much fun with magnesium, throwing it into a fire and such. One day, while doing it, some of the magnesium stuck to his thumb and catched fire. Lesson learned? Magnesium burns damn hot and hurts even more. He diddn't play with it since then.. * One of my friends was telling a story about his high school physics class. They had two really big van de Graff generators, and the experiment du jour was to set them at different distances from each other and see how much charge they needed to get a spark to jump between them. Unfortunately, there was only one place in the classroom large enough to set up two really big van de Graff generators, in front of the door. You guessed it, a kid came in the room late, and Paramedics Ensued. (No permanent injury, but he was knocked out.) * At this troper's college, there was a standard (and surely nonunique) joke about our science building: "Why is Chemistry on the top floor?" "So that when they blow the place up everyone else can keep working." This is the same place they "sweep the floors" by throwing the used liquid nitrogen and/or dry ice down the halls (and it works!), so yeah. ** There's truth to this. The most dangerous labs in a building are always on top, mostly for ease of ventilation, but also to limit the damage from explosions, since the force is mostly directed upwards. * This troper's high school chemistry teacher once performed a demonstration with the aforementioned thermite -- a mixture of ferric oxide and powdered aluminum that burns at approximately 4,500 Fahrenheit. While he warned the class against standing anywhere within 15 feet of the reaction, he neglected to warn us about the dangers of looking directly at a burning magnesium flare, which was used to ignite the thermite. Of course, the resulting pyrotechnics made this by far the most enjoyable demonstration of the year. * Where to start? Well our chemistry teacher had a 5 gallon water jug (the kind you find on water coolers) that he would put a little bit of ethyl alcohol. After it had evaporated, he would drop a match in it. This would produce a nice little flame jetting out of the jug and a loud noise. Useful for waking up a napping student. Then there was the time the lab aide (honor's class kid who had nothing better to do that period) was working on something involving steel wool and an electrical source. Well he lit the steel wool on fire. He panics and throws it into the garbage lighting the garbage can on fire. Out teacher calmly grabs the fire extinguisher and puts the fire out. ** My physics teacher, before I had him, tried the water cooler jug experiment and apparently got the ratio just right and caused the jug to EXPLODE, sending shrapnel all over the science wing and possibly causing the loudest sound ever heard at my high school * Once upon a time we were having a science lesson on fire. So our teacher sets up a tripod, a bunsen burner, a small can of oil and everything else he needs to start a chip pan fire. After pouring water on it a few times the teacher put a damp towel on the fire to show us the proper way to extuinguish a chip pan fire. The towel then proceeded to burst into flames resulting in our teacher throwing the,

still burning, towel in the sink and putting it out. Our teacher then told us to "Never tell anyone that happened" * In addition to the hydrogen bubbles, burning steel wool, and small bits of sodium in water (large chunks of sodium were relegated to a nonetheless-entertaining video), [[HeraldAlberich this troper]]'s high school chem teacher would go all-out every Halloween: dressing up as TheGrimReaper, leaving the lights off, and filling the lab with blacklights and smoking Erlenmeyer flasks. The highlight of the period, when it worked, was the slow-burn red flame in the pumpkin. No wimpy candle for this Jack-o-lantern, no sir! * [[NeoSilverThorn This troper]]'s chemistry class had every single one of the school's pyromaniacs in it- including the teacher. Not to mention his best friend was banned from taking chemistry following an explosion of some copper sulfide that blew out a window and loged glass in some brick columns. * On the first day of Chemistry class, This Troper had a old-looking man with lazy eye that both looked and sounded like the typical "really boring professor". However, he quickly [[WinTheCrowd won the crowd]] the first day after basically saying "I know you're going to be expecting lots of explosions, so let's get it over with" and made a pretty damn good one. * This troper's high school chemistry teacher would light student's homework on fire before marking it if it wasn't written in blue or black ink. * One time a classmate of mine thought it would be a good idea to take the temperature of a Bunsen burner flame. So she stuck a thermometer into the flame, and had planned to hold it there until the little red line stopped moving. She never found out what the temperature was because the thermometer exploded first. * This troper's dad once cleaned a table with ammonia, and then thought it wasn't clean enough so he cleaned it again with bleach. They had to evacuate his entire dorm building. * [[{{Jiraku}} This Troper]] has seen hydrogen-filled exploding balloons, strangely-colored flames (due to the properties of each burning substance,) what seemed to be aluminum foil disintegrating into an aqueous solution as if it were in one of those stereotypical pools of acid (it was really a reaction in which aluminum and another substance switched places,) and more in his Chemistry class. Despite that, he did not enjoy that class. * This troper used to have a Chemistry teacher who was essentially phoning it in and enjoyed showing videos that, if we were very lucky, were loosely related. But since he let us see the same video on explosions five times, I'm not complaining. * This troper's ninth grade science teacher did an experiment that had a higher reaction than he expected. Whatever it was (that has slipped my mind) ended up on the ceiling, and made a huge pink splash visible. This troper's senior year that classroom STILL had a splash on the wall. ** Relatedly, he had asked for assistance with another experiment, and as he was nearing the reaction he glanced around nervously and suggested the first few rows might want to move to the back. Cue the boy who was helping's panicked reaction-"It's okay for ME to be up

here?!" * This troper's chem professor in college was illustrating different properties and reactions associated with common periodic elements. Nitrogen just happens to form a large number of really, ''really'' reactive compounds with anything. One particular demonstration involved ''[[MadeOfExplodium contact explosives.]]'' The professor walked in with a set-up that consisted of three ring stands stacked on top of each other, and on each tier was a piece of paper with a small bit of some purple substance (nitrogen triiodide, if I recall correctly). He then puts on his safety goggles and states that he hopes all the samples go off because he can't risk moving the structure after it's set up. Then he picked up a six-foot pole with a piece of paper tied to the end of it, ''brushes'' the sample on the lowest tier, and the resulting explosion triggered the two samples ''above it'' to blow up. * Bunsen burners + teenage boys = good times. Ah, the good days. * This troper's friend's father is a high school science teacher, and once recounted an incident at a school he used to teach at. Some student had stolen a brick of an alkalai metal (either sodium or potassium; this troper forgets). The same student [[WhatAnIdiot had the bright idea]] to dampen a couple paper towels and stick them over the brick to hide it, then put it in his locker. After the water soaked through the paper towels, he came out of his next class to discover that, among other havoc, his locker had no door, and directly across the locker bay was a large dent in the wall and a heap of metal that presumably used to be his locker door. * This troper's science extention class was full of these. This includes the time where it was separated into two teams, each charged with creating a projectile weapon. The science teacher helped the other team use HYDROGEN as the explosive needed to launch the tennis ball, and it ended up destroying thier gun's chassis, setting the ball on fire and almost taking out This Troper's eye... * This can even occur outside the sciences. A teacher of this troper's acquaintance used to burn Joan of Arc in effigy each year for the benefit of his World History class. The janitors finally convinced him to cut it out, as they were sick of replacing that bit of the floor. * There is ''absolutely'' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial no truth to the rumours]] that [[DeltaOne This Troper]] once managed to blow up a fume cupboard at his college. Or that, as the fragments of glass and plastic settled, his teacher approached, put one hand on his shoulder and said, "[[TheItalianJob You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!]]". Practical lessons were the only part of that chem class this troper actually passed. * [[MarvelGirl This troper's]] grandfather had a Masters in Chemistry before getting an M.D. One of the chem textbooks passed down through dear old dad was an ancient industrial chem textbook that had a cartoon glued into the inside cover. Two guys walking past a building that had part of the second floor wall exploding outward. One guy says to the other, "There goes [name scratched out] flunking chemistry again." So this trope is pretty old. * [[{{tkdb}} This troper]]'s high school employed a man who taught both freshman-level general science and junior-level chemistry. He

made it a point to wrap up each and every school year with a week straight of just blowing stuff up, including the famous elementalsodium-in-water trick. He also always took one day out of the year to play with liquid nitrogen in every one of his classes, regardless of how irrelevant it was to the current topic of study, and this invariably involved (among other things) putting some of the substance in a two-liter bottle with the lid on as tight as possible, causing the bottle to explode from the building pressure as the nitrogen boiled. It was not uncommon to feel the floor shake in classrooms directly above this teacher's. * There were two examples at [[{{Neuro}} this troper]]'s high school: First, her Physics instructor taught the class about hydraulics by having us build mini-rockets made of 2L soda bottles and propelled by pressurized water. Second, her Agriculture teacher demonstrated just how wine making can go wrong when he showed us a plastic bottle of something that was supposed to be banana wine but had been fermenting too long. It exploded because of internal air pressure and blew off the top half of the bottle. * This troper's chemistry teacher once overcalculated the amount of chemicals needed for an experiment and caused the test tube to shatter. This troper cannot remember the exact nature of the experiment though. * Not strictly chemistry, but it happens in electromagnetism in [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]]'s college. The ''best'' power source you can use when demonstrating magnetic fields is a car battery. Why? Because it sparks! * One of the chemistry teachers at this troper's school managed to set his classroom on fire last year WHILE FILMING A FIRE SAFETY VIDEO. * This troper's sister learned about relative density of gasses by blowing up bubbles. You know those nozzles you hook Bunsen burners up to? Yeah, use those to blow bubbles with bubble solution and a wand, let the bubble float to the ceiling, and then poke it with a lit fireplace matchstick. They never did replace the ceiling tiles... * This Troper's seventh-grade teacher was about as close to this as you could get in a public school who are very self-conscious of safety regulations. [[{{Mangezone}} This Troper]] forgets the details, but somehow he got some sort of gas inside a water bottle that would make it explode, and lobbed the explosive water bottles outside the window so that the class could watch them explode in safety... Some nearby pedestrian called the police because she heard that a bomb went off! * This troper's Chem teacher subverts this trope, but enjoys {{Lampshading}} that this troper and one of his friends should never touch the Bunsen Burners as the two of them are dangerous pyromaniacs. Just like her mentor and the head lab assistant. They once used the chemicals in the lab to form ammonium nitrate. Which, in a demonstration for this troper's Chem teacher and her class, they lit. This incident thus inspired the school into making a new scenario for the fire drills. * [[StarshipTroper This Troper]] received the following e-mail while at university. He is ''still'' curious. -->To: [the entire biology, chemistry, physics, and pharmacology departments]\\

From: [Professor]\\ Subject: The Chemistry of Fireworks\\ Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 09:07:27 +0000\\ \\ I would like to apologise to all those people who attended [[NoodleIncident The Chemistry of Fireworks lecture]] yesterday. I take full responsibility for the inconvenience caused, and hope things can return to normal in two weeks' time, with [Staff Member]'s lecture on forensic chemistry, which definitely will not contain any flashes or bangs.\\ \\ Once again, many apologies.\\ \\ [Professor] * [[Stryper This Troper]]'s high school physics teacher also doubled as basic chemistry. ** Would fill a hanging bell jar with hydrogen while lecturing with hydrogen in his lungs. Then light the top. *** Later a kid would passs out because he thought it was a good idea to breathe the H2 and then run down the hallway. ** Filled 2L soda bottles with water and dry ice. These were promptly thrown out the third story window to go off next to the acient secretaries office. ** Took 4 soup can, cut out one end, cut out half the other end, welded them together so the half cut out ends alternate, poke small hole in last can, jam raquetball in open end, pour grain alchol into small hole, lecture for 20 minutes will spinning the cannon. Light the end. The janitor finally just put the repalcement ceiling tiles in his room with a ladder. ** Rigged a chair in the classroom to an electrical source and zapped the kids who sat there. ** Setup a door bell to go off should anyone come to class late. ** Had a surgical tubing sling shot which worked well from the thrid floor. ** Durning a demonstration with a Van Degraf generator allow the kids to stand on a wooden chair and place their hands on it. One of them decided it would be a good idea to stick a metal rod to the zipper on anothers pants with the predictable results. ** Lectured on resonance frequency by talking about sex with his wife on a mattress. * Our entry-level science teacher's first lesson involved setting something on fire, with a bang. * All of This Troper's High School science teachers were quite happy to blow things up when appropriate (and a couple were quite happy to do so at other times!). (3rd-person mode off) Also, from Year 8 onwards, I performed various explosive demonstrations on the school 'Open Day' (for prospective students) including the 'make water in a Pringles can with hydrogen and a loud bang' one. I got quite a reputation as a mad scientist (rightly so!). Even so, this is nothing compared to one of the many crazy stories my college Physics teacher told us: apparently one of his friends at university was working with

some chemicals in a fume cupboard, unaware that it was faulty and had not cycled out the hydrogen from a previous experiment. A flame was involved in the unlucky sod's experiment. The side of the university building was blown out. * Once, while this troper's class was doing an experiment, the Chemistry teacher pulled out several containers of chemicals and a thermos of liquid nitrogen. By some way or another, he made a few grams of TATP by the end of the lesson and demonstrated its power by using a pendulum, a hammer, and quite a lot of duct tape to detonate it. He refused to tell the class how. He replicated the effects in the next lesson with 1.5 liter bottles, a thermos of dry ice and a thermos of hot water. The best incident occurred on April Fools' as this troper's class was the first lesson, and last year's "winner" had parked his car under the Chem lab. In a subversion, the Chemistry teacher had soaked a few loaves of bread in water overnight and threw it onto the car. * One of this troper's friends once had a chemistry lesson where their teacher was trying to create a particular reaction by combining 3 or so chemicals in a particular order. If they got the order wrong, the mixture would explode; unfortunately the teacher had lost the paper with the correct order on it, so she tried the various different combos behind a blast shield to find out. Nothing happened, so she takes down the blast shield and puts them all to work, with one of the mixtures in front of my friend's desk. After a while, the mixture near his desk overflowed, before melting a hole in his chemistry textbook and getting a fair way through the table underneath it. Also, this troper's own chemistry teacher (who had an odd sense of humour) decided to find out what would happen if you put a blow-torch to a cream egg; the chocolate went black and carbonised, while the cream stuff inside it started to bubble suspiciously if anyone was interested. * For those who went to my high school and were in the Introductory Physical Science class, this was a mainstay. Our teacher, every year, would show us this experiment that involved soap bubbles, the gas from the bunsen burners, and fire. It was called the [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal Bubble Bomb]] and all these years later, I can't remember what it was supposed to be teaching us, but I do remember [[RuleOfCool it was AWESOME]]! (You could actually observe from year to year the scorch marks on the ceiling getting bigger from this experiment.) I also went to a college where the science club every year would throw its event of "blowing up" the lake the school owns to raise money for the club - this involved a smaller amount of sodium than was mentioned in the MIT example above (I think) but same principle! * One of the science teachers at this troper's school is infamous for this. For reference, after moving to a brand new science block, his classroom had scorch marks on the ''ceiling'' within the first ''week''. * This Tropette's super-cool grade nine science teacher found this the best way to get the less than enthusiastic students into the lesson. He once dropped potassium into a bucket of water. * I have had two explosive moments so far in my classes. The first one

was when a friend of mine broken his crucible after heating it to much. It exploded but the best part was when he tried to sweep it into the plastic trash can and melted through the bottom. The second time was with my brand new physics teacher. He decided to teach us how to make match rockets, even kindly reminding us how not to make grenades by mistake. When we went outside to test them mine (accidentally I promise) shot backward toward him and exploded. * During an electronics class, [[Tropers/TSBasilisk this troper]] was assured by the persona assembling the circuit that the capacitor was properly inserted. It was in fact reversed and proceeded to go off like a party favor. A pair of eyeglasses saved this troper from potentially losing an eye. ---Take these two beakers and go back to EducationThroughPyrotechnics. But carefully! ----

EekAMouse * I personally have seen multiple women of varying ages go into shrieking hysterics at the sight of a mouse. On one occasion I had a school bus driver ''leap out of the driver's seat while the bus was moving'' upon sighting a mouse down by her feet (the bus mercifully coasted to a stop) and would not return to the front of the bus till one of the high school seniors chased the mouse out the folding doors. ''Stereotype'' is far too often another way of saying ''uncomfortable truth.'' ** This troper's middle-school bus driver reacted the exact same way towards a cicada. She at least slammed the bus into "park" before jumping out of her seat, though. ** It's only the truth if 100% of all women ever do that, so I think "stereotype" is still the right term. And yeah, fuck cicadas. Mice are fine. * In a high school English Class this troper watched a hulking, 6 foot something inches tall basketball player freak out climb onto his desk and then bolt out the door all because a small mouse some how got into the room. It doesn't seem like much written but if you saw how strong and scary that kid looked normally in comparison to him hunched up on top of a desk and bolting out the door at breakneck speed it was quite a sight. * This troper's world history teacher is a perfect example. Even say the word "mouse" in conversation, and she stops you short. Even if you're talking about a ''computer'' mouse. * For this troper's grandmother, it's frogs. To the point that a picture of one has elicited this reaction. * This troper's niece picked up a rather nasty viral infection from chasing after and catching rats instead of avoiding them. [[IGotBetter She got better.]] Really, any rat slow enough for a 5-year old to catch probably has something seriously wrong with it. * This Troper found out one day that mice and my mother [[{{Understatement}} don't mix]]. While taking a shower I realized

that there was a mouse in the bathroom. I decided to set it free afterwards. I told my mother what I was taking out, to which she screamed. She wanted to kill it but I managed to set it free before she got my brother to kill it. :) * This troper is that way with any sort of insect especially spiders. She's done things like stand on top of a toy chest for hours, refusing to use one bathroom in the house for months, and not sleeping in her room if she sees something crawling/flying. Even though logically she knew the insect should be gone She once called a relative from their house to kill a wasp in her room while she cowered under the covers in 90 degree weather. This troper acknowledges she has issues. ** Spiders are arachnids, not insects. You're also never more than a few feet from some sort of arthropod (that's an urban legend about spiders, but true when you factor in ALL exoskeletal invertebrates) so you may as well leave the planet. This troper can't believe anyone on Earth finds insects scary or gross and will lecture people endlessly about how stupid that is. ** This troper wonders why the hell she wasn't told she had a sister somewhere, as she does pretty much the same thing. She's getting a bit better though (as long as whatever it is stays out out a certain radius). *** And This (male) troper wonders why no one ever told him he had two long lost sisters, because damn if that isn't just like him. *** This troper thinks there may be some sort of conspiracy to keep his long lost siblings away from him. Exactly the same reactions, even down to hiding under the covers. *** This troper knows how you feel about the covers. It had to have taken me close to an hour to finally get a bumblebee out of the house, including lots of screaming, over-the-top reactions and actually ''talking the bee through'' the procedure. If it had been a wasp, I would have waited outside til my parents came home. * This troper's Dad is this to a point where he wouldn't go in the basement because they ''might'' have been a mouse (it was a leaf). * This troper is unabashedly arachnophobic. Once, when a spider crawled on my arm, I leapt off the couch (which is harder than it sounds, because my laptop was being put to the use its name suggests) and just stared at the couch, perfectly prepared to wait until the spider was finished with it, until my roommate called me a coward and killed it himself. * This Troper has (or had) this with roaches (mostly dead ones for their extra-Squick nature), the mere sight of one would send him running the other way, including refusing to go upstairs to his room because there was one on the stairs and cutting his bath short because a live one was lurking, it was one of those sick buggers that fly and when he was reching for the bottle of shampoo it glided between his hand and the bottle, he automatically cut the water, grabbed a towel and got the hell out of there. ** This troper sympathizes. You ever get up at 2 am to use the sink only to find a roach ''crawling inside your cup and all over your toothbrush''? After spending half an hour managing to trap it under another cup (accidentally crushing its head in the process), another half an hour cleaning the entire bathroom, twenty minutes or so of

applying detergent and soap to my cup, throwing out the toothbrush, and working up the nerve to throw the dead roach away, I realized that I have a real fear of roaches. ** I once found a cockroach in my hair when I was five years old. I recall that this was followed by lots of screaming and flailing. * I will stay away from rooms that might have bugs sometimes, but only sometimes. One day I'll be scared off small bugs, the next day I'll be stepping on a moth barefoot, a moth that could've easily been smashed with a fist, because the moth was on a counter. * This troper's sister is scared of spiders, and will react with horror to even hearing about them; this troper frequently exploits this for her own amusement. * This troper's 5th grade teacher was apparently scared of lizards. During one field trip she literally jumped in the air and screeched ontop of her lungs because there was a really big lizard sitting on a rock right infront of her (which she hadn't notice untill she was really close and the thing moved). * GreatPenguin goes to great pains to avoid anything that flies and has a stinger. (bees, wasps, whatever) ** This troper didn't know he had a brother. Then again, he did run into a bee hive when we was young and his mother is deathly allergic to bees. * For this troper's friend, it's birds. And the birds seem to know this. One time, a robin managed to fly into the house ''through a window'' apparently for the sole purpose of terrorising her. This troper managed to chase it out of the door eventually, and has never before or since seen a bird do that. (Also, apparently the size of the bird doesn't matter. Protests that it was only a sweet little robin didn't go down well.) * [[{{Momonga}} This troper]]'s all-girls middle school had gerbils in the science room. Once, a cute little gerbil escaped and made its way to a room where this troper's class had study hall. Around half the students in the class acted this way, climbing onto desks and shrieking. This troper, who loves rodents and kept gerbils for years, quickly rescued the poor frightened critter and brought her (her name was Velvet) back to her home in the science room. Cue questions like "Ew, how can you touch it?" This troper freely admits she preferred the company of the gerbil to that of most of her middle school classmates. ** [[AcrossTheStars This troper]] understands completely, as she has had a succession of hamsters over the past five years and rescued five different mice on two separate occasions from her science classes. She is also the one who tries to catch the mouse in the tack locker instead of running the other way. She can't stand bugs. * This troper is utterly terrified of spiders and stinging insects. Either of them will drive her to jump away in terror. In her defense, a nest of bees attacked her on a vacation and there's a hive somewhere- in her backyard. And spiders are just creepy. Unidentifiable insects that crawl inside the lampshade and project giant shadows cause her to scream and run, too, and so does said insect moving to the bottom edge of the shade and becoming visible. This is, of course, before she grabs the PS3 remote and proceeds to

''beat it to death with extreme prejudice.'' It was also extremely gross to remove, as it had a hard shell that could be felt through the napkin she removed it with. * [[BooBooBob This Troper]] will shriek like a little girl and run away from a spider or one of those weird hairy-lookin' centipedes (or a lot of bugs, really) but I used to have pet snakes. They fall under the "Four Legs Or Less" rule. ** Funny, this troper is the opposite; she has a "must have limbs" rule. * This troper still hasn't ''quite'' gotten used to the panicked gasping that his coworkers give off when they spot an insect walking around the office. * This troper can face down a 6'4", 300 lb man holding a knife with no problems. Show her a moth or a spider or a daddylonglegs or any kind of creepy crawly however and she'll leave a this-troper sized hole in the wall and a dust plume getting away from it. * The ads on these pages are based on page content. Does anyone see a problem with a banner full of.... 8-legged concentrated evil at the top of the page? * A stupid bitch in [[{{Kingogtheingdaw}} This Troper]] will literally stand up and yell AHHHH!!! a fly!!! at the top of her lungs, luckily (for her, as seeing her hurt and humiliated makes me feel great) second period is my "special class" and not a normal class so it doesn't warrant much attention. * Bees for [[{{Leradny}} this troper]], ever since she was over at a friend's house. We sat in a circle on the floor and this troper leaned back onto her hands, right onto a bee crawling past. Twelve-odd years later when she has since become a grown woman, this troper is still scared stiff of the things. * This troper's mom screams like she's being killed at the sight of a mouse. Then, this troper catches it with her bare (well, gloved) hands and places it on the front steps. She has done this since she was fourteen, yet to this day, when she is in her twenties, she will squeak loudly and run away at the very sight of even the smallest dog. * This troper is perfectly manly. I do not [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl shriek like a little girl]] ''[[TemptingFate ever]]''. Now, granted, I'm an actor, and I understand there is a stereotype about adolescent actors not being very manly (IfYouKnowWhatIMean), but I assure you I am one hundred percent masculine in my thinking and my-'''''[[InvokedTrope OH JESUS MOTHERFUCKIN' CHRIST THAT'S A SPIDER ON MY PLATE GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF SOMEONE KILL IT KILLITKILLIT KILLITWITHFIRE GAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!]]''''' ...stop looking at me like that. ** This troper's 6'4 240lb. football lineman brother who spends more time at the gym than at home has the exact same reaction. Only it doesn't even need to be on the plate. It will be across the entire length of the room and he'll make This Troper, his Women's Studiesmajoring brother whose manliest trait is that he forgets to shave sometimes, kill it. * This troper...shall we say, has a significant dislike for centipedes and stinging insects. Spiders are tolerable at a safe remove, flies are simply annoying, but dragonflies are singularly cute, especially

when really big. While I have no problem with mice, on reflection, simply mentioning the presence of a mouse downstairs to my mother while she was in the kitchen (upstairs, opposite side of the house) led to one of the first times I've seen someone try to ''surreptitiously'' climb up onto a countertop. * This troper is afraid of Insects with a body larger than 1cm (although spiders are less so) and stinging ones too. * I (Jinxed Blackcat) am just like this with spiders. Once one speedily ''crawled'' across my hand. I shrieked so high my friends noted I could now try my hand at Christine's part from Phantom of the Opera. I also wouldn't touch the popcorn for the rest of the night cause it crawled in that direction. * I have a thing about bees. ** Ants: Ignore. ** Snake: Catch, and put on sister's neck (I was twelve and it was hilarious, alright?). ** Mouse: Open door and let it run out. ** Spider: Squish from arms length with a newspaper. ** Bee: OH GOD OH GOD RUN LOCK THE DOOR AND STUFF TOWELS IN THE CRACKS IT'S COMING FOR ME AAAAAAAGH! ** And don't even get me started on hornets and wasps. I'm not even allergic, and I've only been stung once. I did, however, twice find bees in my hair (once dead, once alive) and one time a bee somehow [[{{HighOctaneNightmareFuel}} flew up my pants. While I was in a car]]. Thank god that wasn't the one that stung me. * One of my college friends once saw a daddy longlegs in his house and killed it. With a shotgun. By ''firing'' the shotgun. Both barrels. Good thing that wasn't a load-bearing wall. ** Did you do the intelligent thing and wear a flak jacket when in that friend's company? * Subverted with [[{{This-guy}} me.]] There was a rat in our house (that we think was from my cousin's boyfriend's mom's house) that everybody saw except me. I wanted to see it. Then it died. I wanted to see the dead rat. Mom already put it in the trash. :< ** Almost the same thing happened to me. I was sitting in the kitchen with my dad and brother, who saw something and told me not to turn around because there was a big bug behind me. I was curious, but listened, and my brother went and got the "bug" and dropped it over the backyard fence. It was a mouse. They called it a bug because they didn't want my mom freaking out, presumably the same reason I was told to stay where I was. I was annoyed because I wanted to see it. * [[{{magikchicken}} This Troper]] thinks the mice/rats/birds his family's cat brings in are cute, and, being the only one in the family who doesn't mind them, is invariably called to 'put it outdoors!' However, he can't STAND picking up the ''dead'' mice/rats/birds (the ones that die of shock while the cat's playing with them.) [[{{magikchicken}} This Troper's]] mother, the same person who, while not fitting the stereotype of getting on furniture and screaming, will quickly leave the room if a ''living'' mouse or rat is on the loose, is actually the one who [[{{SubvertedTrope}} gets rid of the alreadydead critters.]] * This Troper is so arachnophobic, it's ridiculous. He once walked

around in cirlces in the driveway because there was one on his stair and another one that made a huge web in the path to the back of the house - he had to wait for his dad to come out to kill one or the other, since he couldn't bring himself to approach either door. He doesn't like things with more than four limbs in general, mind, especially the weird feeling when they crawl on him. * Snakes. I hate them. One day, while walking home from school, I saw a baby snake. It was about the size of your average earthworm, and I know enough about snakes to identify it on sight as a harmless garter snake. In retrospect, I can see how it could even possibly be classified as cute. So what did I do? I yelped like a wounded puppy, ran away, and spent the next few hours whimpering uncontrollably and jumping at shadows. The next day, I saw an earthworm of approximately the same length. My reaction? "Oh, cool. A worm." * [[GreatLimmick This troper's]] sister, mother, and maternal grandmother have this precise reaction to mice (as well as rats, opossums, and ferrets) and will go to great lengths to avoid noticing such creatures in places where they can be expected to be found. They also tend to react to bats by crouching and covering their heads. Somewhat amusing, since many of the animals in question merely look similar but are not actually closely related at all. * [[DesertDragon This troper's]] mother is a tough-as-nails SassyBlackWoman, but when a garter snake got inside the house once, ''it was on''. Shrieking, standing on the desk chair, throwing her ashtray at it, you name it. This troper managed to catch it (ignoring his mother's screams that it could bite; garter snakes are harmless), but all inquiries about keeping it as a pet were shot down violently. Come to think about, she has also gone into hysterics over mice (real ''and plastic''), cicadas, and spiders, but to be fair, one doesn't expect to find giant wolf spiders in one's bathtub in Ohio. * Subverted by [[ILikeCrows my]] sister and inverted by her boyfriend. He's so afraid of mice and rats that he locked himself into the bathroom for 20 minutes until my sister could get there and release the tiny mouse his cat had brought inside. * Mice are fine, just don't show this Troper any Rats! * This troper's sister. She is normally fairly bold and sassy. Get her anywhere near a mouse, and she instantly turns into a textbook example, complete with standing on chairs/tables. Not a single other person in the family harbors this strange phobia. ** Also: This troper used to be this way with spiders. Now they're more of a berserk button. Case in point: Just now, she spotted a spider hanging in a doorway, and stood and had a [[CloudCuckooLander brief, cheery conversation]] with it: "Hello, spider-filth. I haaaate you. You know, I'm holding a cup of boiling hot coffee. I could easily pour it over your brainless little head and boil you to death." ... Then my mother thought I was talking to my little brother, and [[HilarityEnsues hilarity ensued.]] (Note to spider lovers: I can hear you screaming. It's okay, I put it outside. Sheesh.) * My mother never screams. Once, I was a kid, lying on the living room couch, and my mother screams and runs into the room. Here I am, halfparalysed, wondering if there's an axe-murder or a fire, and: 'There's a mouse in the dining room!' After realising she was dead serious, I

started laughing. Then, I offered to try to catch it. She quite firmly told me that I was not to go anywhere near it. * Subversion: This troper is fifteen years old, female, blonde, constantly wears skirts, and loves to cook, and she thinks small rodents, snakes, lizards, amphibians, bees, moths, and most spiders and beetles are adorable. When there's a bug indoors (this includes large spiders with very visible fangs, but excludes silverfish and mosquitos, which I consider evil and therefore smash), I catch it with my bare hands and gently carry it outside to the nearest shrubbery. The sight of a mouse or rat elicits squee. * I am terrified of bees. For that matter, anything with a stinger. Some of the crueler kids in my group caught on to this, and played it to great effect. All they had to do was yell, "Oh my God a hornet!" [[PassthePopcorn and watched me shoot into the air and run like hell.]] When there actually WAS a hornet, one of the kids sadistically held onto my shoulders while everyone ran away and watched me have a panic attack. Once I had a dream that my town was swarming with bees, and everyone was getting stung. I couldn't go anywhere because there would be bees there, too. When I woke up, it was 10 minutes before I could MOVE. ** Dude, your friends are ''assholes''. * For [[{{Roihu}} this troper]], it's any small little insect. Whether it be cockroaches, bees, insects, spiders, mosquitoes, flies or just anything else. He thinks he's afraid of mouses, but he's yet to test that. It's more the fact the germs the creatures may carry with them than anything else usually. Except with spiders and bees. He's afraid they'll hurt him. ThisTroper does not like to be hurt. * [[AntipathicZora This troper]] is this way with ticks and spiders bigger than half a centimeter. If she sees a tick anywhere near her or on her body, she will, in this order: Panic, try to get it off as fast as possible, [[KillItWithFire almost immediately try to burn it]], attempt to crush it, and once it's dead she'll apply as much hand sanitizer as she can and go into her bathroom and shower for about three hours. And huge spiders are just plain squicky. * This troper isn't usually too bad with bugs (as long as there's someone around to inspire heroics, because otherwise the centipede is welcome to her sink/bathtub/kitchen/whatever) but she must admit that skimming this page in a dark room has got her twitchy. Anyone else? * This troper's brother's Science teacher once had a gerbil when he was in 5th grade. The gerbil once got out into the hallway and into his English teacher's room. When the teacher saw it she screamed bloody murder and jumped onto her desk. They got it out and caught it eventually. * [[{{Gallows}} This Troper]]: OH GOD WAAAAASPS KILL IT WITH FIRE! Bees are okay, because they have the decency to die a horrible death after they attack you, but wasps don't even die during ''winter''. They sting you and sting you and then they make horrible deathnests in the eaves of your house and then you get your insect killing spray and you sit there with the button pressed and the nasty-smelling liquid flying at them until the can is empty and they're '''STILL ALIVE'''. DIE! * Inverted for [[Tropers/PentiumMMX2 this troper]]; because when he

was little, his older sister (Who was a tomboy) loved to chase him around the backyard with a frog. Considering how I was back then, maybe ''I'' should have been the one [[WholesomeCrossdresser wearing a dress]]... * This troper's brother is like that with cockroaches -- he jumps, runs away, then returns with a wooden plank and a bottle of almost chemical warfare-grade lawn insecticide. The troper in question doesn't fears them at all! * This troper has this reaction to spiders and almost any creepy crawly, much to her mother's amusement. Her mother, however, reacts this way to mice, rats, gerbils and many other small animals, such as ferrets (which this troper loves but can't have as a pet because she doesn't want to freak out her mother). However, there is one type of rodent this troper's mother can stand - hamsters. Probably because they don't have long tails and generally look like cute little fluffballs. * This (male) troper is like this with hamsters sometimes, other times I get an urge to kill it. Violently. This only applies to hamsters, and started when I was holding a friends hamster and it bit me so hard you could see the bone. I was five. * This troper is really afraid of mice, though she fall into this trope once (to be fair, she thought said mouse was a toy until she picked it up and realized that it was dead). ''Spiders'' get her to play the trope straight and she nearly had her mom crash the car when one crawled on her leg during a car ride. * This troper has it in spades, even normal stuff that I KNOW doesn't hurt... like moths flying around a light and stuff like that. Although, I think it was because I was younger and babysitting my cousins, and we saw an earwig crawling around on the floor. It crawled under the couch. My aunt and I lifted the couch to try and kill it... and the bottom of the couch ripped out, and it POURED earwigs and silverfish. I had been sleeping on that couch for a good three weeks and didn't know. Still gives me the shudders thinking about it. ** Congratulations. You've just either squicked me out or given me NightmareFuel. I don't experience either one very often, so I don't know which one I'm feeling right now, but I guaran-damn-tee it's one of 'em. * The presence of a mouse doesn't bother me much, it's more a matter of how to get rid of it. I can pet it, but dear lord, don't ask me to pick it up and bring it elsewhere. If you pick one up it thrashes, it wiggles, I scream, I come close to accidentally flinging it, I end up dropping it and slumping to the floor, panting with both hands clasped over my mouth dramatically. A while back, there was a mouse in the apartment, and I wound up chasing it out with my plastic light saber...Still not sure how that worked. ON ANOTHER NOTE, there as a cockroach in my friends kitchen, so I screamed and barracaded myself...on top of her kitchen table. Said friend proceeded to pick up the cockroach in her bare hand like it was nothing, drop it into her kitchen sink and turned on the garbage disposal. The crunching was awful, and after the fact there was goop all around the drain and a stray insect leg...Oog, I'm nauseated just remembering it... * Somewhat subverted with [[{{Luna87}} this troper]]. If I shriek when

I see a mouse, snake, spider, or other creepy-crawler, it's only out of surprise, not because I'm afraid of them ([[{{Friend To All Living Things}} quite the contrary]]). If I see a spider in my house, I'll try to catch her and escort her outside (I have yet to see a snake or mouse in my house). * Parasites of any kind make this editor shudder with disgust -fleas, ticks, worms vomited up by the cat, I've had to deal with them all. It's the fact that they lay eggs that are too small to see. The second worst time was when I pressed a key on my laptop and heard a chitinous * crunch* (bookmite). The worst was when I found a white crawling... thing on my hairbrush ''after'' I'd brushed my hair with it. AUUUUGH! * My mother has a fear of mice, for [[BuffySpeak perfectly reasonable ... reasons]]. As a girl, she lived in a house with an outside toilet. Once she went to the toilet, reached up to pull the chain, and a mouse ran down the chain, into her sleeve, through her dress and out down one leg. * shudders* * Oh, and someone I knew at University had a major fear of spiders. And was quite fond of the band Space. Whose album was called ''Spiders'' and the [[http://static.rateyourmusic.com/album_images/a66a23c2fe2593c3806ff0b 2caf7c9ef/6832.jpg cover art]] features lots of the titular critters in a bath. The CD lived on the top shelf out of sight, and when she wanted to listen to it, she knocked on her neighbour's door and left the room while her neighbour got the CD out, put it on, and returned the box to the top shelf. * [[{{MiraShio}} Mira-chan]] hates flying roaches, but she's usually just deadpan around one on the ground (that didn't keep her from leaving the couch when one crawled under it, though). She also hates termites and ant lions (because of one particularly terrorizing event two summers ago), but around other bugs and lizards, she's fine. To the point where three lizards in her house have been given names. -->'''Classmate''': * throws a plastic roach at Mira-chan* -->'''Mira-chan''': Cool, can I borrow it? ** HilarityEnsued once when Mira-chan had two friends (G-chan and Jchan) over to do a project. G-chan discovered a scarab beetle that had been killed in the garden a few days ago and asked if she could keep it. That was when they discovered that J-chan hated bugs, and the rest of the night was spent happily terrorizing her with the beetle. G-chan brought the beetle with her to school the next day, and she and Mirachan had fun scaring people with it. * This troper has two cats who bring in mice and various rodents very often. He therefore considers them more of an annoyance and will happily gloat at a (humanely) trapped mouse before releasing it. However his sister and mother play the trope perfectly straight, despite there being no logical reason to fear spiders or mice, in Britain at least. He often wonders whether it's actually the stereotype influencing people's behaviour sometimes... * A very old example (it was about ten years or so before I was born) occured when my dad was in Cadazes (I'm aware I've spelt it wrong) in spain. He was talking to a girl (who was NOT my mother: this was before he met her) and he noticed a mouse walking across the table

with the sink on behind her. He said something along the lines of, "Don't move." The girl responded, "Why?" My dad said, "There is a little mouse by the sink." She screamed, standing up out of her chair and then (if I recall his telling right) she stood on the chair. Apparently, it was the first time he had seen that happen. Having been to the same house over Christmas, the story makes a lot more sense. * This troper's dad once had a wasp size of his thumb land down on his shoulder on a holiday. He didn't make a sound, but spasmatically jumped right in the pool next to him with clothes on, as soon as it touched him. It was hilarious, but I would have probably done the same thing. * This troper's mother once showed her a series of [[GrossUpCloseUp disgusting closeups]] of various insects magnified by who knows what. Her response was to scream and run out the door. * Painfully straight with this troper's mother. Literally jumping up onto a chair and shrieking. * This happened when my mom went to Smith College in the cafeteria. * This troper saw a baby mouse in his garage while going to get some soda. I ran back into my house terrified while my mother got the rat poison. I was convinced most of the night that the mouse would chew through the door and get into my room. Meanwhile three weeks later, I went to see Zombieland at a local movie theatre and saw a mouse running around the auditorium. I simply moved back a few rows, quietly scared during an otherwise not very good movie. I think the cleaning crew took care of it afterwards. * This she-Troper's boyfriend is 5'8", 152 lbs., yes? A scaredy-cat when it comes to spiders. Especially those tiny little jumping spiders one sees on sidewalks. This she-Troper thinks they're cute, the cute that Bachuru from Pokemon is, having a pair of eyes bigger than the rest (for depth perception!) and fuzzy little mandibles (that are made to chew up bugs their size, since they have no fangs), harmless as can be. Cue my man climbing onto the bathroom countertop when one finds its teeny-tiny way through the bathtub window onto the windowsill... [[{{Tropers/Ventisia}} This Troper's]] friend has this with spiders simply because she was bitten when she was little. A spider so small that I couldn't see it until I got within a few inches of it was on the ceiling (bunk beds at camp), and my friend suddenly looked in our direction and screeched. We got the bejeezus scared out of us, since we thought she'd seen something in the window we hadn't been able to lock. She pointed at the ceiling; I sighed and squished it with my thumb (I would've left it alone normally, but she was fumbling for her lighter, and I figured squishing was less cruel than burning alive; not to mention, the ceiling was wooden...). * This troper had a pet cat and a pet rabbit, both black. One day, we decided to take the rabbit out of the cage and let it interact with Xerxes. Xerxes was [[FreudianExcuse probably too young to be taken away from his mother as a kitten, and we accidentally shut his tail in a door once, so he grew up into a]] [[{{Discworld}} Greebo]] {{Expy}}, smart enough to recognize when biting and clawing us would get him what he wanted, and when it wouldn't. He knew hurting that rabbit would upset us, so the worst thing he did was plant his paws under its nose and flex his claws ("Look what I've got!"). Finally, he was lying

down with his eyes closed when the rabbit hopped up behind him and cuddled against him. Xerxes was obviously enjoying it, and then he saw us watching him. You could watch that cat counting us, realizing that every human in the house was in front of him, and [[ReactionShot adding it all up]]. - Classified -->'''Xerxes''': One...Two...Three...So, what's behind me? [[FreakOut GYAH!]] * This troper once had to rescue a [[http://www.wildaboutbritain.co.uk/gallery/files/3/9/Slow-worm.jpg slow worm]], of all things, from a cycle path. There were two girls stood staring at it in horror and refusing to go near it until I picked it up, at which point they were all 'what the heck is it and how can you touch it!' I, personally, am only really freaked out by large spiders. * Even if you're not scared of mice, finding one inside your home can be horrifying - this troper was very shaken the first time she saw a mouse in her flat, and friends concur - mice are cute and fluffy, but not when they could be hiding anywhere in the room! * This troper is rather baffled at the way many women find mice to be "gross" and "ugly". I think [[UglyCute they're]] [[RidiculouslyCuteCritter absolutely]] [[FreakyIsCool adorable!]] I know better than to pick one up and snuggle one, because they carry diseases[[hottip:*:[[CaptainObvious Except for domestic ones, of course]]]], but other than that, I don't see how [[FunSize tiny]], [[EverythingsBetterWithPlushies fuzzy]] [[VerbalTic squeaky]] things [[BlessedAreTheCheeseMakers with a cheese fetish]] are so scary. Now [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes wasps]] on the other hand... ---Get off that chair and go back to Main/EekAMouse. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EEqualsMCHammer * This troper would like to argue against the second point - these days, harder and harder classes are forced on younger and younger students in the hopes of reaching a good college. As a junior in high school, she is struggling through complicated calculus lessons which (by her teacher's own admission) are only ever used FOR CALCULATING THE ORBITS OF PLANETS. Take that as you will. ** It's not hard if you have brains. And pay attention in class. Also, since when do you need calculus to calculate 'the orbits' of planets? ** This troper would like to contend that the above troper's problem is due to a very poor elementary school math education system, in that the teachers in elementary school are not taught math, and there rarely is a designated math teacher at an elementary school. Thus, while it is reasonable to teach younger and younger people stuff like calculus, this requires that you also do a little compression in elementary school (which doesn't happen). Eleventh-grade calculus is an entirely reasonable proposition, if the eighth-grade algebra is done well, and you nix 10th-grade algebra II. Moreover, there should

be another math AP; probably number theory or linear algebra. Those [=APs=] would be more relevant to most of the math curriculum for math majors, and are fairly elementary in nature (unlike calculus, which requires a deep understanding of algebra and an introductory course). </rant> *** I actually suggested to my calculus teacher that we do some linear algebra after the AP exam. *** This troper would like to note that, if basic math skills through Algebra I were thoroughly dealt with by the end of the third grade (which doesn't sound unreasonable, though he comes from a somewhat unique position there), and each subsequent level of study takes no more than a year (as should be sufficient with competent teachers), the standard Algebra II, Trigonometry, Geometry, Precalculus, Calculus pathway could be completed //by high school//. Make of that what you will. ** And from the very nature of calculus, ThisTroper is fairly sure that your teacher is just working in SmallReferencePools. If you go on to the hard sciences (especially physics), you're sure to find plenty of uses for these equations. ** Seconding the above. I am currently in AP Physics B(no calculus involved) and on a number of occasions my teachers has said "To learn where that equation came from, consult your local intergal calculus teacher". For that matter, the second or third unit of Honors Physics involves finding the instantaneous velocity graphically, something that you need calculus to do alegbraically. ** This troper received the same when she also took AP Calc BC (it was fun...) in her Junior year. The guy who sat in front of her, who happened to be a sophomore at the time, then asked why this was relevant. He received a blank stare and the answer "The AP Test" and was told he could forget whatever he learned after that. ** Only used for calculating the orbit of planets??? What strange variant of Calculus are you being taught? Aside from the central role Calculus Plays in all of modern physics (of which the orbits of planets is just an infinitesimal part) it is integral to almost all of Applied Mathematics. Differential Equations is probably the most visible use of Calculus, since in addition to the great number of sciences that rely on it (it is of great use in the study of ecosystems for example) our financial system would crumble without it. Modern Medicine, Engineering, and Computer Science would be impossible without Calculus, and honestly, if your in Calculus BC your only hitting the tip of the iceberg, so Physics is probably the only application you've seen. If you have an Ipod, a Cell Phone, or one of those GPS systems in your car (or a car for that matter), you should know that that would all be impossible without Calculus. Modern Statistics uses Calculus, and Statistics is very important to society. Sure there are good jobs you can get without Calculus, but many of the best require mathematics far more complicated than what you do in High School, and it is good stuff to know anyways. *** Seconded. This Troper, Mag C.S. (Magister, same as US Master of Science in Computer Science) ** Continuing in the same vein, my research is in ''ecology'', and I can vouch for the fact that many ecologists use differential

equations, linear algebra, even discrete mathematics all the time. There's a movement even in fields like history toward incorporating more statistical analyses, which are already well established in sociology and psychology. * This troper, when taking Physics, has learned that an entire section of the curriculum (mirrors and lenses) is basically useless after she takes the AP Exam. Why? Universities don't teach it, it isn't relevant to just about every field and major, and it's fairly useless. ** I beg to differ. Knowledge of Mirrors and Lenses are buckets of fun to play with if you know the theory, and if you plan on going into stage lighting or any kind of physical special effects department, I'm sure it's a handy skill to know. * This troper is an engineering major, and has been told by several engineers (including his father and the Dean of the College of Engineering) that engineers don't necessarily have to ''learn'' calculus, just ''survive'' it. ** Speaking as a mechanical engineering ''graduate'', [[Tropers/RobinZimm This Troper]] has to say that line is FromACertainPointOfView. Calculus used extensively in many upper-level courses engineers are required to pass (e.g. heat transfer and fluid dynamics), and the only sense in which you don't ''have'' to learn calc in calc is the sense in which you ''will'' learn calc ''anyway'', you use it so much. *** Seconded by [[@/{{endlessness}} This Troper]], which is an electronics engineering student. You need calculus for pretty much anything on the course (electromagnetism? circuit analysis? electronics? control theory? most of the subjects depend on calculus and differential equations), and some students eventually learn it the hard way. * When this editor was writing his master's thesis in [[ZeroesAndOnes Computer Science]], my thesis advisor told me: "It's good you have so many summation symbols (&#8721;). It gives a nice 'grandmother effect': You can show it to people, such as your grandmother, and they will be [[ViewersAreMorons intimidated and impressed by the sigmata]] and thus be convinced that you are really smart and that what you are doing is really hard." ** Ironically, when you do really advanced math related to differential geometry and general relativity, the very first thing you do is drop the summation symbols in favour of the much more compact (but less impressive to your grandmother) [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_notation Einstein summation notation]]. * This troper's history lecturer showed how important the contents of the lecture was by starting with "E=mc2" written on the board. Yeah... * An interesting real life example occurred in my philosophy class when my professor tried to make a point about the concept of miracles by writing a bunch of complex equations and then writing "a miracle occurred" to simplify it all down to the answer. ** My philosophy professor did that to. I think it's pretty common actually, and it makes a good point. * Hmm. In high school next year have highier level math just after our HL math. So they see such things like 2 + 2 = 0 or 1 + 1 = 0 (for

anyone that would ask - yes such equations are correct - just not in R but for example Z2). ** On that note. Reminds of Base 2,3,etc calculations. If you understand it is it very easy, for someone who has no clue makes it no sense at all. * This Troper participates in a rare example of a school that attracts people who learned most of their math ''correctly''. As such, we always joke about how you only have to get about 60% of the AP Calculus questions right in order to get a 5, ''the highest rating on the exam possible''. This troper finished most sections of his AP Calculus exam in 30 minutes or less and then went to sleep. This is not to say the material isn't hard for some people, but the difficulty is usually FakeDifficulty caused by years of bad arithmetic as previously mentioned. If we just taught the correct method from the start, well...it would be ''even harder'' to get into MIT, Caltech, and so on. Also, integrals are popular in the Physics C Mechanics and Electromagnetism course (which I take/suffer/enjoy). In the second chapter of Electrostatics, Electric Fields, we had a nice 15-ish step integral to write down and the teacher said, "You either learn the process, or you memorize the result, because you ''will'' see this on the exam." Also, if I flash all the math in my Physics notebook to anybody not in AP Physics (well, it even works on the Physics B people) they either get a look of terror or a look of disgusted fascination. * This Troper and his friend kinda did it once. While solving a math problem, out notes ended up involving something that essentially said "100 = 27" (I don't actually remember what the second number was, but something like that). It made perfect sense to us. Our teacher was less amused. * This troper spent about ten minutes calculating the exact mathematical formula for awesome. Unfortunately I forgot it. I remember it considered lasers, fire, lethality, glowiness, and I think it was multiplied by speed and size of the awesome thing. He also managed to prove (through mathematics that would probably make his teacher hurt him) that infinity = 0. ** [[WallBanger Well if you average the left and right hand limits of 1/x as x->0 you get 0, right?]] * Every time I visit my former physics teacher from High School (given - in research institute) I meet 'similar' symbols on whiteboard (ok not integrals & E=mc2 as I had them on whiteboard in my school ) which I am neary sure does make sense if someone happens to know something about physics of plasma. * This Troper once had a maths test which had a "prove that this equations equals this other equation" question. He finaly concluded it didn't. * I once had an annoying 14-year-old kid trying to catch me in a math problem I didn't know. After asking some really easy trig and algebra questions, he moved onto calculus. I'm pretty sure he still doesn't understand why I started cracking up when he asked me to find the "denominator" of x^2. (I did give him an answer: x^-2, since 1/(x^2)=x^2. He was about to call me on it when I added "You're probably looking for 2x though." Then he was just confused.)

* This troper, a third year mathematics major, used this trope to great effect on his first day tutoring an high school freshmen in algebra. I just wanted to make sure she knew I meant business. ---E equals [[EEqualsMCHammer Original Trope]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>> )

EeriePaleSkinnedBrunette * This tropette's boyfriend has long, dark hair that gets in his eyes, pale skin and dark brown eyes. This is one of the reasons she is his only friend. That coupled with the fact that he is quiet and usually looks sad, makes people get the "run away as fast as they can" urge. Shame, because he's really very nice. [[FearIsTheAppropriateResponse Fear Is Not The Appropriate Response]]. * This troper is the palest amongst most people she knows, has very dark brown hair, and is almost always seen in long black coats. As for the creepy factor, she had once visited the aquarium and stood behind two kids watching the fish swim by. She was so quiet they didn't even notice her, until they turned around, screamed at the sight of her and ran. Her [[{{Kuudere}} very stoic]] demeanor doesn't really help... * This troper not only has pale skin and off-black hair, but [[UhOhEyes very large black eyes]]. During winter, she will always be found standing in the snow in her long black coat. The result = [[NightmareFuel creepy]]. * [[@/{{AzureLunatic}} This troper]] gets her hair from the ScotchIrish part of her ancestry, and can blame the skin on both that and the Finnish part. She is currently very tan for her un-irradiated skin tone, such that you almost cannot see the veins through her skin, and she has gone up a makeup shade. * [[@/{{SomeKid}} This troper]] has a friend whose skin is literally white and has dark black hair. Oddly, she doesn't fit the general view of the trope as she's an incredibly cheery person. * This troper's mother is a pale skinned brunette. The troper, however, is an even paler redhead. * [[@/EddieVanHelsing This troper]] is married to a pale-skinned brunette. She's much nicer and much sweeter than her husband, though. * This troper has light brown hair and pale skin. When she is in a blue room in the middle of the day her skin looks grayish and her hair has a redish tint to it.Her skin is so pale she looks gray. * This troper has nearly black hair, is so pale that foundation does not exist in her shade, and fits into children's clothes. She has indeed been called a ghost and harassed to go to a tanning salon. However, she has an immune system like Fort Knox and is far too shy and nonconfrontational to be more evil than just [[{{Yandere}} yandere]]. ** [[FetishFuel Wow.]] *** Seconded. * Plenty of tropers probably fit this, including this one. As a child, she was under the misconception that both her and her father were

black-haired, as everyone else in the family was pale blonde or redheaded. Nah, turns out I'm just a dark brunette. A very, ''very'' dark brunette (thankfully just a tiny half-shade lighter than black) who literally cannot tan, scars white, and for a great deal of life had a perfect, sleek bob that either made me look like [[HikaruNoGo a professional Go player]] or the daughter of Satan in a catholic school uniform. ** [[{{FetishFuel}} Satan's daughter as a Catholic school girl]]? Oh, the irony... * This troper is a pale brunette, and has frequently been accused of being anemic, albino, or a perpetual basement-dweller. Only the last one is true. ** This Troper is also a pale brunette and once while in the hospital for emergency surgery (I had a tumor removed) the doctors and nurses began to freak out that I was suffering from severe anemia due to my deathly pallor. My mom waved them off, "She ''always'' looks like that." * [[@/{{Bookhobbit}}This troper]] is another. Her hair is dark brown rather than black, and she's not particularly short or thin, but she still gets called 'vampire' on occasion. She cannot tan and constantly has dark circles under her eyes. ** Same [[@/KatanaCat here]], with the addition of buckteeth, an almost flat chest, and CuteLittleFangs. Imagine ''that'' walking down the street, cheerfully humming a random tune, and wearing a summer sky blue shirt with a picture of two [[EverthingsCuterWithKittens kittens]] on pink cell phones on it. Oh, and [[AnimeHair my hair goes over one eye]], and I have a naturally downturned mouth. So many different messages from the same person... I'm like a walking MindScrew! *** Courtney?? * This troper's dad is this, but with icy blue eyes (He's black Irish). Unfortunately, her mother is a dark-skinned blond (Of Cheyenne/German heritage). This troper got stuck somewhere in the middle with brown hair and medium skin tone and creepy-ish grey eyes. * This troper is a fairly pale brunette. * This troper looked like Dracula's offspring in her youth, particularly when her two front teeth were missing, which gave her the appearance of having fangs. Tanning is a lost cause, she also has constant purple swathes beneath her eyes, and as an added bonus, dances like a ur-example of a whitey. ** There should be a trope called "DanceLikeAWhiteGuy". * This troper is infact a pale skinned Brunette, but with a pair of fanglike teeth, she likes to creep out her friends by flashing an evil grin. * [[@/{{PurplePantherGirl}} This Troper]] tans ''very'' easily, but when not, is extremily pale. * This troper has dark brown hair and completley white skin, fanglike teeth, and permanent dark circles under her eyes. This troper doesn't even tan; she gets grey. * [[@/HawkW This Troper]] comes from a family of these, but his insomniac sister is just about the ultimate example. She has the straight black hair and the proper skin tone, but what really

completes the look is the massive bags under her eyes, lending her about the model IllGirl appearance. Dispute all this, she somehow manages to get complimented on her appearance. A lot. * [[@/RiL This troper]] is a lovely and fair brunette... and unable to go out in summer without Goth-level sunscreen. Even five minutes in the sun will send her right from pale to scorched. Her brother, meanwhile, tans handsomely, while she's under a tree fretting about melanoma. What gives? ** I know your pain. This Troper is straight up black Irish with almost black hair (with some natural red-ish highlights,) green eyes, and translucent pale skin and does not tan. Ever. Her brother, meanwhile, despite being only 1/8th Italian (the rest is Irish) has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and is tan even in winter.Said brother likes to remind her whenever he sees her slapping on the sunscreen. *** If you glow when you go outside, raise your hand. **** *Raises hand* * [[@/{{Usagi}} This troper]] is sort of one. She has dark brown hair, ''almost'' black, and while her mother says she's so pale she looks sick, this troper unhappily disagrees. :< And whenever this troper mentions wanting to be paler, her mom snaps at her. [[BerserkButton ARGH.]] ** She also has canine teeth that look like fangs. * This troper isn't one, but sure finds them attractive. ;) * This troper naturally has almost black hair, white skin, dark circles under darker eyes, and is tall and slim. Not to mention the sharp canines and the love of darkness. In fact, she now dyes her hair blonde to avoid the "OMG, VAMPIRE!" that comes with her appearance. ** This troper is friends with a girl who is very pale, is allergic to garlic, and is a brunette. In fact, she dyed her hair black. Which is somewhat odd. She also hates it when it is warm and sunny and threatens to stab people or stalk them or attack them. She never does, she's just a sweetheart who stays indoors because she prefers drawing to outdoor activities. * This troper is also one of these, though he isn't tall and lanky, his skin is almost see-through (due more in part to hard work than anything else - he is naturally olive-skinned.) Add dark eyes, hair, being nocturnal, and an inability to go out into the sun without going mostly blind, and this troper often suffers "vampire" comments. He also finds people with this "look" incredibly attractive, which may be an indication of narcissism. ** More likely just the normal tendency to like people who share your genes. (Incidentally, this troper has the same problem -- though the skin is a bleach-not-tan variety -- and will share a protip: it's called photophobia. Drink coffee and wear sunglasses.) * This troper gets "are you feeling all right, you've very pale" on a daily basis. She has the whitest skin of anyone she has ever met, and naturally very dark hair. The vampire impression is slightly dispelled by having bright blue-green eyes and a tendency to freckle. Upon returning from a trip to Europe, where she spent two weeks in Italy and Greece, various people did double-takes because they'd never seen her with that much colour - and it was still fairly mild as tans go. * This troper naturally has olive skin, but she stays inside most of

the time, so you wouldn't know it. She also has rather dark brown hair and permanent dark circles under her eyes, making her [[LooksLikeCesare look a little like Cesare]] with nicer hair and a teensy bit evil (in her opinion). However, instead of being tall and skinny like most examples of the trope, she is short and of roughly average weight. * [[@/{{majorgeneral123}} This troper]] has incredibly pale skin and long dark hair, and lives in Florida, and can, due to the intense sun, burn in 15 minutes (He once got a sunburn from sitting outside during lunch). As a result, he spends a great deal of time inside or in the shade, and will wear long sleeves even in summer (which is not comfortable in ninety degree weather). Because of this, he is so pale that his veins are visible through his skin. Lampshaded by his friends who live up North, who are more tan, despite living where it regularly snows. * [[@/FarseerLolotea This troper]] has off-black hair and would be olive-skinned if she didn't live somewhere where the weather sucks. As it is, she's sort of sallow. (She ''tried'' to do the goth thing in high school, but couldn't really get into it...especially seeing as her parents objected vehemently.) * [[@/TaelNightengale This troper]] is also one of these. It also doesn't help that she is prone to freckling instead of burning or tanning, so even when she does go outside, the most she gets is a smattering of freckles on her cheekbones and on her arms, and therefore no one believes that she has been outside. Her hair has always been a very deep brown, even going black and then lightening on its own when she was younger, but these days, it seems to be turning a mahogany shade. Her mother's nickname for her is "vampire". Thanks, Mom. * [[@/GwenStacyWannabe This troper]] isn't particularly evil, but one of my male friends did use my arm as a testing surface for his Sharpie marker once, with the explanation, "It's the closest thing to notebook paper around here!" This is more an effect of rarely going outside than it is not being able to tan, though. And my hair is dark enough that it gets confused for black. * This troper prefers the term "Snow White complexion." Most of her dad's family fits this trope, but fortunately she inherited her mother's ability to tan. * This Troper is not only a Pale Skinned Brunette, but also a Goth/Otherkin, where she identifies herself as a Vampire. Also, she frequently points out how pale she is compared to her friends, who have tans. * I have brunette to near black hair and very very pale. Never tan, just bleach (even when its super sunny and no sunscreen) In winter many people become concerned for my health. A joke among friends is that I died 10 years ago when I got hit by a car and have been one of the undead ever since. * This troper started life as a very pale redhead, had all her hair fall out as a baby and went blonde, whereupon it started to darken and by this point is basically this when she's not dying her hair. She's so pale she regularly gets asked at school by teachers if she's feeling OK. Other than the fact she burns horribly and can never find

foundation, she mostly likes it. Oh, and the freckles are a pain. * This troper has black hair (with dark red and brown highlights -- a flat black means dye job), as close to black eyes as you can get without it being a medical problem, and pale, translucent ''blue'' skin. (Nothing like realizing the green spots on your skin are from the yellow pigment you were handling...) Tanning is futile -- it takes very good color-sense to tell the darkest tan managed -- and the photophobia this troper has developed has pretty much put an end to even going near windows on sunny days without dark sunglasses anyway. * [[@/{{Leradny}} This troper]] would be, and wishes to become one if not for the fact that she tans so easily, she bought a pair of white gloves just so her hands would stop being a few shades darker than her arms. Luckily her hair is a natural black, and very forgiving about the futile attempts to even out her skin tone. * Did ya know certain types of albinism can have nearly any hair or eye color? [[@/SovietKitty This troper]] has dark brown hair that has quite a few copper-red strands and even a white-blonde one every so often, yet looks black from even a fairly short distance. Her skin, however, has no pigmentation. "The light burns!" is actually very true for her, both skin and eyes. The vampire jokes get old, fast. * [[@/{{Cameoflage}} This troper]] is disqualified from being an example because her hair is strawberry blonde. However, if she dyed her hair, she'd be perfect: extremely pale skin that's all but incapable of tanning (I took a freakin' tropical vacation last year and still didn't see any changes -- although I don't burn easily ''either'', which is nice), mild photophobia that makes it even more of a pain to go outside during the daytime, and a habit of wearing lots of black and/or vaguely gothic clothing. Oh, and [[LooksLikeCesare Cesare eyes]]. (Actually, if my hair was black I'd fit that trope as well, since I have a lot of flyaways and frizz.) ** This troper is in the same boat, completely pale and can't tan ever but her hair refuses to look nice in anything but blonde highlights. So I kind of just fade into the background unless I wear lots of eyeliner. * [[@/{{Crion87}} This troper]] knew a PaleSkinnedBrunette from high school (unusual, given that he lives in Australia where even Caucasian women usually are fairly tanned). He saw her again today (2009/07/26) and thought she was damn hot (but then again, this troper likes paleskinned women in general, including [[{{HeroesWantRedHeads}} redheads]] and has even fancied [[{{HeroicAlbino}} such as Connie Chiu]]...) * This Troper is a male example. * This troper is of British descent, so she falls under this trope despite living in a tropical country. Prolonged exposure to heat and sunlight do not tan her--they merely give her a reddish tinge that fades quite quickly. Her mother and brother also fall under this trope, while her sister is a shade less pale. * This troper is one to the point that, Halloween last year, her friend asked her where she bought her glow-in-the-dark white face makeup. She wasn't wearing any. * This troper's hair is a slightly lighter brown than normal for this trope, but I inherited the irishman's pale skin and I've learned the

hard way that I am physicaly incapable of tanning. My oldest brother share's my skin traits and has almost completely black hair. Our middle brother can get a slight tan, but he still fits this. * [[@/MelasZepheos This troper]] gets black hair and blues eyes from his Irish heritage, and his extremely pale skin from not going outside ever in sunlight. When he does get some sun though he gets an apparently very healthy tan and red highlights in his hair, from his mother. * This troper recently dyed her hair black to cover the previous unnatural manic-panic-esque red color (we were visiting my grandma, she would've had a fit.) While I personally like the contrast it creates with my whiter-than-white kid skin, most of my friends have commented something to the effect of "You look a lot more evil now." * This [[@/{{Ozbourne}} troper]] comes by it naturally, with brownblack hair and skin so pale that I often have problems finding a base makeup light enough. * Anemic Asian reporting in. * Irish/Scottish/German/Hungarian/Swedish descended here. 5'4 and under 100lbs. with dark curly hair, blue-green eyes, and pale skin (despite living in So.Cal.; I never burn and don't tan easily). Got a couple vampire jokes as well in high school. As a bonus, family name came from the Gaelic word for 'black', or so I've heard. Interesting to see how I'm not alone in things like the nonexistent tanning. * This troper dyes her hair black to help invoke this look, seeing as she's Goth. Aside from the artificial, my eyes are such a dark brown they almost look black, I have the palest skin of any of my family and friends, and my natural night owl tendencies lead often to dark circles under my eyes of various degrees of intensity. * Despite the fact that Germans are supposed to be tall, tan and blonde, this troper is the palest of anyone she's ever met, although with a lighter brown hair color. Although she's 5'4" and average weight, she's but a teenager and expected to grow more, so maybe in a couple years she'll fully embody this trope. * This Scottish/English/German troper has dark, almost black, brown hair, blue/green eyes, and skin so pale that it's almost translucent. Same goes for her father (Though his skin isn't as pale) and her sister. It helps that she also [[{{Perkygoth}} wears a lot of black and black eyeliner]] helps make her skin seem even paler. * This troper's wife is Very Irish with white skin, blue eyes, black hair, and a name that translates into English as roughly "Fair-skinned Black-haired maiden" to boot! * This one's here's not only a Perky Goth, but has been called Vampire, Undead and coldblooded (like a lizard) quite a few times. I actually think it's funny and contributed a bit to the look by dyeing the dark brown hair black and staying out of the sun as long as possible. Among my classmates, it's a strong underlining of how ill you were if you were paler than Jessica. * I almost feel like a subversion, as I had very dark brown hair (most people thought it was black) and people commented on how pale I was a lot...then I dyed my hair proper black, and people commented that I appeared to have tanned and looked healthier...someone wanna explain this one to me? 0_o

* This troper is one. My Dad has darker hair than me, but I'm paler. I don't tan, either. I tomato. * This troper is, like seemingly everyone else here, a very pale girl that doesn't tan and has dark circles under her eyes. However, her hair is a light brown, and she's a fairly cheerful person. * This troper has very pale skin and dark brown hair (which has been called black by several people), can't tan (but burns like a champion) and has been called emo on several occasions, usually because I have dark hair. This troper's dad used to have pale skin and darker hair, but is not quiet, emo or evil. * This troper has dark brown, curly hair and white skin, albeit with some freckles. I used to be very tan, but now that I'm older (and addicted to the Internet), I shy away from the sun because I have a family history of skin cancer. * [[@/{{Roguefemme}} This troper]] has dark brown hair and a complexion so pale that I often can't find a base powder pale enough, even when tanned! However, this troper's tanning is usually what results ''after'' a nasty sunburn heals, not before. It ''burns''... Was called "vampire pale" as a child. * This English/Irish/Welsh/Scottish Troper's hair is a dark mahoganybrown, I have pale, blue-grey eyes (although in certain light they look blue-green) and I am the palest person I know. I don't tan; I burn freakishly easily and then peel, and go right back to white. When I was little, I lived in Hawaii, where people were fascinated by my skin tone because I was paler than all the other white children, and much, much paler than the Hawaiian/black kids. My parents used to call me "my little Irish rose," but now they just call me day-glo. In the dark, it's hard to get a picture of me because the flash literally makes my skin glow. I don't even bother to wear foundation anymore. I used to dye my hair red in an effort not to look so unhealthy, but lately I've started to embrace the look. I am only 5'3'' and I have a lot of freckles, though, so I don't completely fit the trope. * This troper is also black Irish. She once came back from Hawai'i and had to provide pictures to prove she had actually been there (no one believed you could come back from Hawai'i so white.) However, she is also a competitive swimmer (and a butterflyer to boot) so she has back and shoulder muscles that look like they can crush a man's skull. * A lot of the girls in This Troper's school dye their hair to get this effect. Said girls also pretend to be [[EmoTeen Emo Teens]] even though they're... not. On the other hand, This Troper's younger brother has this naturally. He got the dark hair from our grandmother, and the pale skin is courtesy of either our Eastern-European heritage or our now-deceased [[HeroicAlbino albino]] [[CoolOldGuy grandfather]]. [[PaleSkinnedBrunette His hair's practically black and during the winter he's extremely pale]]. [[SubvertedTrope Contrary to the typical expectations of the trope]], he's actually a really outgoing, friendly, funny guy that some of you might know on XBOX LIVE as Kranoss and on WoW as Shric, Oranos, Kronos, or Gilador. * This troper is pale skinned (although it has been slowly getting to not be deathly pale because of a move to Florida) and dark brunette. My younger sister looks exactly like me (we're often mistaken for twins) except for the fact that she tans and is dark blonde. I think

people assume I don't go out in the sun as much. I burn if I'm out too long, along with freckling massively. I've never been mistaken for a vampire though, because I wear non-black clothes generally and I'm quite cheery. * This Troper has pitch black hair for the most part, although my skin tone tends to waver, sometimes I am pale and sometimes I don't go much darker than a light tan, despite the fact that I never go outdoors. I'm also going grey and have been since about age 15, one hair at a time, straight to silver. I shall no doubt have a few years of being a WhiteHairedPrettyBoy ahead of me. It'll probably suit me better so I hope it hurries up. * This troper's girlfreind is this trope to a T * [[http://twitpic.com/photos/AuroraSurfer This troper]] is too fair for foundation, has dark eyes, no freckles and waist-length curly dark hair. Is frequently called vampire - and more irritatingly, Bella Swan. She has the emaciated look that comes with weighing 7 stone (something like 100lbs), although there seems to be a mixed opinion among tropers over whether being short or tall completes this trope. If it's tall, she falls very short of PSB at nearly 5' 2". * [[@/OriginalHobbit This troper]] is seen as the embodiment of this trope by family and friends. * [[@/{{Benjayman}} This troper's]] is a male version of this, he is short and [[{{Understatement}} thin]], has an extremely pale skin tone mostly due to [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothyroidism hypothyroidism]] who's hair is [[{{Captain Obvious}} dark brown]], he is also able to wear shorts during summer knowing that his legs will be just as pale as the rest of him, [[{{SarcasmMode}} yay.]] * [[@/TenderLumpling This troper's]] friend is an unusual PaleSkinnedBrunette in that she's Mexican, and her parents and brothers all have olive skin. (I'm olive-skinned with black hair [[hottip:*: but I'm Italian]], although extremely harsh lighting washes me out and turns me into a PSB. If I actually did have pale skin, it would be totally awesome since I also have dark blue eyes and could totally [[UncannyValley freak people out with it]].) * [[@/HappyDuck This troper]] has a classmate who's a PSB. She's artsy, a bit of a goth sometimes, but usually fun to be around. * This troper. In fact, she hasn't been able to tan since her childhood and literally cannot lighten her hair. Trying to go blonde or tan have given her much frustration in past. Oh, yeah, and? She's Italian, French, Black Irish and First Nation...but the only darkhaired person in her chock-full-o-blond(e) family. Also the only pale one. * This male troper is a surprisingly... ''weird'' example. When he was little, his skin would be pretty much white (due to being almost a {{Hikikomori}}), his hair and eyes were as black as they could, and he usually had a tired-looking expression in his face. The trope mentions how these kind of characters are either the smart geeky ones, or villains, right?? This troper was pretty much both, with a geeky DeadpanSnarker [[HeroicSociopath sociopathy]] who feared people (that being the reason why I was so hiki). But after overcoming my fear, half of these characteristics disappeared. This troper now is a normal, fun-loving, geeky, tanned person.

* This Troper is of Eastern-European descent and has really dark brown hair and skin so white it's a bit translucent, enormous greenish-brown bug-eyes, and I'm 5'5 and 100 pounds. I always get vampire jokes, people telling me that I don't look so well on a daily basis, people telling me I should get outside more, and people with all sorts of medical theories trying to cure me for something that's really just genetics and isn't harmful. * This troper is also a slender, pale skinned brunette, with green grey eyes and deep hollows under her eyes. She tans...sort of. People often joke about her being undead, and when she's unwell she matches the wall. * This troper is a PSB, partly because her office job cuts into her sunbathing time, and partly because of the medications she's on that make her skin very sensitive to sun. * This troper's nephew got his dark-brown hair from his mother and his burn-like-crazy skin from his natural redhead father. Not all the way to PSB, but close. * This troper used to be this then he realized "Dude, I can get a really good tan off only 2 hours in the sun."] ** This troper gets a really good sunburn after less than half that time in the sun. You should all be organizing into a mob with pitchforks and torches and wooden stakes now... * My friends often compare my looks to a porcelain doll - my skin is only a bit pinker than actual porcelain, my hair is usually mistaken for black (actually really dark brown), my eyes are big and round and dark blue, and I'm quite tiny to boot. I also have some circulatory problems, so I run a couple degrees coler than most (about 97.4 nothing dangerous) and my hands are usually like little blocks of ice. Throw some make-up and an ElegantGothicLolita dress on me and, well...it's interesting, to say the least. * This troper's younger sister is deathly pale, with long, silky, beautiful ebony hair. She is very quiet and very beautiful, and very, very severe. Her face always looks unimpressed an annoyed, even when she's not. * This tropers's Irish-Scots family has a long "Black Irish" streak, and he has two sisters who fit this trope to a tee. * This troper and his sister both got their dark hair (mine is extremely curly and hers is wonderful smooth and straight) from their Hungarian mother and the super pale skin from their Austrian father. We both hardly tan. Also, strangers often think we're Dutch or Swedish... * This troper fits the trope to a T. However, this is mainly due to the fact that I'm a huge shut in. * This troper has dark brown hair and will burn within five minutes if exposed to direct sunlight. She also does not tan under any circumstances. She started getting her hair dyed into a slightly lighter shade so people would stop asking her if she was sick. * This Troper does not have the dark, dark brown (or black) hair it's more of a chestnut/golden brown color. However, since she's a major homebody, her skin is rather pale, and also dons some dark circles under her eyes (due to some serious insomnia). At first she dislike being pale, but eventually came to embrace it.

* Sometimes you'll hear sounds late in the night, and if you listen very carefully, you might even hear a faint melody for a moment. If you are brave enough to investigate the house, you might notice a shadow around the halls lighted up by the moonlight. As you approach the door that most of the time remains closed, you discover a room, with its bed and a computer as the source of that buzzing sound, with its occasional, possibly sad melody below it... It is then when you notice a shadow behind you, and you turn back to meet this person of white and black colours, long unkeept hair, and wielding... a bagel? With a curious look, she greets you, and comments that this isn't the time for conversation and you should go to sleep. Then this troper goes back into her room and silently closes the door. It actually only happened once with a visit, but the fact that she wasn't introduced to this troper made it a CrowningMomentOfAwesome. That said, this troper managed to look more like an StringyHairedGhostGirl, but in reality she's just this trope. * This Troper has paler skin than both her parents (although that may have to do with [[BasementDweller very low exposure to sunlight]]), dark brown eyes, and dark brown hair. Although she usually dyes her hair, to the point of being her school's DyeHard. It's currently red. * This Troper is very pale and has the blackest hair imaginable caused by not going out whenever possible and wearing long clothes when he has to leave the house * [[@/SukiSelfDestruct This]] PerkyGoth [[@/SukiSelfDestruct Troper]] has natually dark brown hair and pale skin. I dye my hair black, though, and it adds points by making my eyes look green-er (they're actually hazel, depending on the light). * This troper is a natural redhead, but my hair is usually a shade of dark brown. She was once approached by a girl with albinism on campus, because the girl thought this troper was a fellow albino with dyed hair. Our skin was the exact same color. * This dark-haired troper is super pale. When her and her best friend were straightening their hair in front of the mirror, this troper was startled to see how shockingly ghostly she looked compared to her Latina friend's much darker skin tone. * [[@/{{Joelly}} This Troper]] (anyone else get MassEffect vibes from that thing, by the way? All, "This one..."?) combines the precepts of this trope with BlindingBangs. I hate sunshine and sometimes [[ForgetsToEat forget to eat]], which I guess [[UnderStatement ain't conducive]] to a healthy, even tan? * This Troper is half-Chinese, half-German, and a yellow-ish color, but once she developed {{Goth}} tendencies and stopped going outside most of her skin (but most notably her legs) became as white, or whiter, than the average white person. Her family finds it rather creepy, seeing as they're all from Hawaii. * This troper's sister. Pale skin, very dark hair (also annoyingly skinny and curvy, but that's irrelevant.) Takes after our mum; I'm blondish and pale like my dad. * The closest approximation of what this troper looks like is [[MyChemicalRomance Gerard Way]] somewhere around 2003. I am pale enough that I have baffled people at make-up counters with trying to find a powder light enough for my skin, and I dye my already very dark

hair to black (and um, [[StringyHairedGhostGirl I'm very lazy about washing it...]]). [[BasementDweller I'm also sort of a weird hermit art kid, so it's not like I see daylight much]]. Throw in a black wardrobe and a thing for leather jackets in the middle of summer, [[PerkyGoth I look far creepier than I actually am]]. Really! ** Are you [[Tropers/SukiSelfDestruct me]]? I look ''especially'' eerie-pale next to most of my classmates - in Arizona, of course, everyone's got a perfect tan. ** Unless you secretly live in Jersey? Oh and this troper (the original poster) got called a vampire by a homeless person in the city last weekend. I'm just gonna leave that there. ** Naw. I've been accused of vampirism before, as well, though I play it up sometimes... I do have a small portion of family from Transylvania. ** This troper is also from Transylvania. She's of gypsy/Roma heritage and her last name means Tomb Keeper. Fitting considering she's also a PSB and Goth. * This Tropette is a pale brunette, and I don't even tan - I just burn. :( I'm also skinny, and I have eyes that can look very dark in the right light, so I look especially creepy. I like to accent my paleness with [[TechnicolorScience really bright colors]] and black to [[NightmareFetishist creep people out]]. I was also Goth for a time, and I actually never had to wear a lot of the stark white make-up most Goths do, simply because I was ''just'' pale enough. * This troper is Mexican, but still has pretty pale skin. While she certainly not the palest from her family, she does have a tendency to use very light foundation. And her hair color is really black, you can't really noticed the browns in them. So she has a tendency to appear this. The fact that she's Goth and has a mostly stoic demeanor also creeps out her peers and little kids that are unfortunately in her vicinity... * [[@/{{TheChaosEntity}} This Troper]] is English/Scottish/Welsh/Irish and has [[@/{{LongHairedPrettyBoy}} Long Dark Brown Hair]], dark brown eyes and pale skin, couple that with an aloof attitude a nearinability to feel cold and a very tall height and the result is quite intimidating, luckily his girlfriend finds it attractive. * This troper, despite being more on the ashy side of brown (still a brunette, though at times my hair has been said to have a greyish tint. Ick.)is still described as eerily pale by several people, mainly strangers. Partner that with perpetual dark circles underneath my eyes, you get the occasional 8-year-old Twitard asking me if I'm a vampire. Quite amusing. * This troper has very pale skin, dark brown hair, and very large blue eyes. The effect is somewhat ruined by having freckles scattered across her nose, but she manages eerie very well when she wants to. She once convinced an entire class of 13 year olds that she was a witch just by staring at irritating people for long periods of time without blinking. Rather impressive for one who is mostly compared to a small kitten in her natural state. * This troper fits this pretty well too, dark hair, brown-dark green (depending on light) eyes, and pale skin because he hates with burning passion the sun and tanning, my family is actually worried because I

always spend all day indoors, and when there is snow and sun (I tan easily, and sun+ice = hyper-fast tan), not a single bit of my skin is left uncovered by clothes. * This troper's mum is naturally a Pale Skinned Brunette (who's halfIrish) and her dad is a pale skinned redhead. As she barely goes outdoors, this troper is now paler than the pair of them and dyes her hair darker than her natural (already dark brown) colour, which strongly contrasts her pale blue eyes. * This troper's girlfriend is one in appearance, with black hair, and a skin tone that I can only describe as being "white." (both me and my girlfriend are of [[YamatoNadeshiko Japanese]] decent.) However, her personality is just about as far from a [[EeriePaleSkinnedBrunette eerie pale skinned brunette]] as you can get. Rather than being evil, she is an otaku with a [[GenkiGirl genki girl's]] personality. Oh, and she's hooked onto {{Starcraft}} * This tropette is an EeriePaleSkinnedBrunette, or at least varies between this and BlackAndWhiteBeauty ([[SheCleansUpNicely on occasion]]). My hair isn't really ''that'' dark, but it is a [[BrainyBrunette deep]] [[FieryRedhead auburn]] brown, and it looks pretty deep against my ridiculously white skin. I get it from being shades of white and mostly Irish, but I'm actually a tiny bit Native American (you'd never know though). I guess I can be a little creepy at times, and I'm something of a NightmareFetishist, so I would almost fit...''almost''. * This Troper when she was little and not so tanned, but her little sister still counts. She tends to walk asleep, and once, when she was wearing a white night gown and messy hair, she stood by my parents bed, in front of the window; when my father turned, he almost gets a heart attack. This troper dated a girl who who was pretty pale in comparison to myself(me being a part black) but come to find out her father by birth was full Black, her mother was french, Irish and a bit of Scandinavian(damn those were strong genes) , and yet she her skin was like snow, her black hair(well with streaks of red), along with the bright green eyes. Of course we had some fun cosplaying as Blade and Selene one year..... * This troper is naturally extremely pale, is [[PetitePride short]], has dark brown eyes. My hair is also so dark brown, that many people have stated it is black, until I point out otherwise. Naturally, I decided to grow my hair out and after watching [[NightmareFuel The Ring]]] of all movies one late night, I take off my glasses before I go to bed and look into my mirror in my room and promptly have a mini heart attack as I realize I look ''very'' much like a certain welldwelling demonic girl. * This troper's skin color is close to dead white, ebony almost. My hair is dark brown, and so are my eyes. People often describe me as being pale, actually. To make matters worse, I also have very, very long hair, making me appear even more pale, and creepy. It doesn't help that about a year ago, I lost my childhood freckles. When I look in the mirror, I look pale-- in a creepy way, like some evil child that's gonna kill the heroine of a horror movie. Because I'm so pale, it's almost impossible to find concealer for my horrid acne too. It's

a true pain in the ass to hear how tan my face looks everyday! * Consider myself guilty. Let's add a little bit of RapunzelHair, LooksLikeCesare, the fact that I usually wear a white t-shirt for sleep and have a beautiful SlasherSmile. [[StringyHairedGhostGirl I often use my looks to scare people at night]] (it's incredibly funny). * This troper glows, she's so pale. Awkward for sleep overs. * This troper [[EeriePaleSkinnedBrunette is almost sickly pale (probably from staying inside too much), has dark red-brown hair]], and [[GreenEyes green eyes]]. [[JadeColoredGlasses Pretty cynical]] with a dirty mouth. My younger sister, on the other hand, has [[DarkSkinnedBlonde light olive skin, dirty blonde hair]] and [[HazelEyes hazel eyes]]. [[TheDitz She's the "peppy" one with all the friends.]] * This troper has brown hair that has a reddish tint, CuteLittleFangs, icy blue eyes, and skin that radiates whiteness in bright light(and feels like it's on fire); he is also 6ft 3in and very skinny, with spidery hands. Even after getting a VERY light tan (after looking like a lobster for a while) from a PE class, he still look extremely pale. He is one of the palest people at his school, and dresses primarily in black and greys; that has cased people to call him "Dracula"(the fact he has worn a cape to school does not help). He is also CampGay PerkyGoth, yet because of his [[BlackComedy dark sense of humour]], [[StealthHiBye ability to walk quickly and quietly,]] [[CloudCuckooLander and]] [[NightmareFetishist morbid interests]], he still can be pretty eerie. ** Also, when searching for stage make-up, he had a hard time finding a foundation anywhere near light enough. * [[Tropers/AdelePotter I'm]] this in the winter. I look a lot less eerie in the summer. ---You look so pale. You should head back over [[EeriePaleSkinnedBrunette here]], where it's sunnier. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EggSitting * [[EvoluderViral This Troper]] spent much of his latter two years of high school as persona non grata among certain girls because of this trope. Sure, I could be charming- but on the OTHER hand, I am also incredibly clumsy and quickly earned a reputation as an eggbaby reaver. No less than six eggs were smashed into oblivion by my blatant disregard for easily-overlooked, weigh-in-at-a-handful-of-grams physical obstacles- obstacles like, say, tiny little baskets with fragile eggs in them. This includes, in one instance, SITTING on the creature and complaining about having egg on my butt afterward. Apparently "an enormous lumbering glacier of a man didn't notice it because it's tiny and not actually alive" doesn't count as an act of God, either... who knew? This also led to a personal CrowningMomentOfAwesome / MoralEventHorizon- they insisted I do one of my own, to which I responded by SCRAMBLING THE EGG AND HAVING IT FOR

LUNCH. "I don't suppose you've got a bacon baby too?" * A guest once brought an electronic baby as part of a class that he could have chosen to take had the other class not been discontinued for some reason into class. This was made worse by the fact that it was ''malfunctioning''. * [[DarkInsanity13 This troper]] did this in grade school. She did fine for the most part, but a little accident caused the egg to crack (but not break!). She finds it ironic that earlier on, some classes do an egg-dropping experiment, where you have to parachute an egg down from the roof of the school safely. ** On the same note, the above troper's high school runs a parenting course. This includes the electronic babies. It's both annoying and amusing to have some poor sap with one of those nearby or in your class and having the damn thing start making noise in the middle of class. Happened once in Japanese class. The Japanese teachers (actually from Japan) were somewhat disconcerted by it, and surprised when it ''beeped'' (there's a key tog thing that you wave over certain areas to figure out what's wrong). * This troper had to take care of three eggs simultaneously. One of them got cracked, but all ultimately survived. When the project was over, he [[KickTheDog taped the eggs to some small rockets and set them off.]] The cracked egg was ripped in half on liftoff. * This troper once looked after his friend's virtual petunfortunately said virtual pet died a few weeks later. * This troper's got a million stories to tell about her floursack and robot babies. ** We were randomly paired up and subjected to a faux mass wedding before getting our floursack babies. Every couple had a theme -- I'm a bit of a [[StarTrek Trekkie]], and was paired with a classmate who was a ''huge'' Trekkie, so we decided to be Vulcans. (I still keep the photo on my desk.) We pasted the face of JeffreyCombs on our floursack. ** There were only four robot babies, so they were lent out to individuals after the whole couples/floursack thing was over. I'm white (as was my Vulcan husband), but I got assigned an [[ChocolateBaby African-American baby]], which led to a lot of badtaste jokes about the father's identity. Enter the good-sport BlackBestFriend, and a lunchroom revelation/accusation scene worthy of any SoapOpera. ** I watched ''TheThirdMan'' for the first time with my robot baby sitting on my lap. I would make a lousy mother. * This troper's little sister did this once-actually, there was a second option of sticking a ball under your shirt for a whole day. But for the egg, she broke it while trying to give it a face. * [[SMDeathwind This troper's]] year group had to do this around the end of Year 10 for a week, from one Friday to the next. This should've been a nice and straightforward task for us all, had we all taken it seriously. A fair amount of us, uh, didn't. Of about 60 eggs, only one survived. Highlights include: ** The local Cloudcuckoolander breaking her egg ''less than an hour into the excercise''. ** One person using an Art lesson to cover up his egg's cracks with an

ingenious design. [[IronMan Iron Egg, anyone?]] Almost a shame the disguise didn't work in the end. ** Our pet KKK wannabe wrapping his egg very tightly in a tin can. Then doing everything in his power to smash the egg one English lesson when he got bored. It somehow survived [[MadeOfIron multiple dropkicks across the classroom (and]] ''[[MadeOfIron damn]]'' [[MadeOfIron that guy can kick)]], before leaving a very nasty mess all over his excercise books. Needless to say, teacher was not amused when she returned. ** My own egg, which I was a single parent of (the UnfortunateImplications which the more immature of us would raise were too much for the girls to bear pairing up with me for the task) breaking on the Thursday of the task. I was getting my stuff out for Science, accidentally knocking my eggbox off of the table. ''Crack''. Made worse by the teacher walking past me pretty much at that moment, only stopping to ask "Was that your egg, Michael?". Cue very quiet "... Yes." The box (with yolk/hay mess still inside) ended up being dropkicked around the field the next day. * My eighth grade class did this. I was the only one left with an uncracked egg... until a few hours before the assignment was over. Oops. * This Troper had to redo his assignment, as his two brothers thought messing with the babies neck was a jolly good time. The Second time around, well...This troper has a rather long driveway. It was the middle of winter. The baby's time release activated the moment I got off the bus. It began crying. So I had to carefully sprint to the house, and discover that it was locked. I had to vault over a railing, into a snow bank, and run to my garage for my spare key, to unlock the door and change the babies diaper. * [[PeppermintSheep This Troper]] got a sugar baby in fourth grade, and promptly dropped the thing as the teacher handed her the 10 pound bag of sugar. The teacher then ''handed me another'', saying that [[BrokenAesop accidents happen]]. * In [[MakiP This Troper's]] school (in Costa Rica) it was tradition for the fifth grade for every student to take care of a baby egg, with the characteristic that said egg had to be cleaned first and decorated as a baby. Years later, in Mexico, her class had to do it again and a classmate had twin egg-girls called "Mariana and Sylvana" after twin characters played by mexican-soap opera child star Belinda * This troper has seen the electronic babies at school, where they are part of the Child Studies course. They have successfully deterred this troper from having kids, and she doesn't even do Child Studies. * This troper still does not agree that being late to pick one's "child" up from "day care" counts as "abandoning" it (which accusation was delivered in the form of a very public reprimand the next day) just because the teacher playing the role of "day care provider" decided not to wait around for more than about five minutes. * This troper's old English teacher had a sugar baby in her classroom for reasons we never actually figured out. It was passed around the class and cannabalised when she left the classroom for a moment. * Right after [[WallofIllusion my]] family moved halfway across the country, my two younger sisters enrolled in a class that required them

to take care of robotic babies. I will never know why they had to do this at the same time, or why they had to do it while we, a six-person family, were still sharing a one-room apartment until we could move into our new house. And one of the babies was malfunctioning. [[{{Understatement}} It was a very unhappy weekend.]] * This troper managed to take care of an egg for a week by keeping wrapped up in a bag in her pocket, needless to say, much to everyone's amazement, it survived. * This troper took care of a flour sack with googly eyes in 7th grade. It survived, although I did leave it in English class once. * This troper saw some interesting things go on with flour babies when he was in high school. Because the bags of flour were encased in cotton batting and pantyhose (so as to make them look more human), people would occasionally use them as weapons. This troper witnessed more than one bag break while the baby was being used to hit someone the explosion of flour is actually quite funny. According to this troper's little brother, now most kids make cookies out of their flour babies. ---Return carefully to EggSitting. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

Egopolis * This troper can't resist the temptation to name cities after himself when playing ''SimCity'', ''{{Civilization}}'', or many, many other video games that allow you to name cities. ** And if that isn't big enough to flatter your ego, some space [[FourX 4X Games]] allow you to name entire planets after the Number One Guy In Your Galaxy. *** ThisTroper goes one step further, and names entire [[http://www.sinsofasolarempire.com/ space-faring empires]] after himself. ** And then there's ''{{Spore}}'', whose creature creator gives you the posibility to name a ''species'' after yourself. ** One of this troper's problems with ''Car Tycoon'' is that the model names were hard-coded in and couldn't be changed. If you can't [[http://www.edsel.net/ name a car after your dad]], what's the point? * This Troper once used a variation of "My Kingdom for a (---)" when speaking to a friend. Said friend actually offered to get the nowforgotten necessity if he could have my "Kingdom". This Troper eventually drew up a map of an entire Kingdom and surrounding regions, and named the Kingdom, Provinces, and many cities after himself. "Welcome to Zacharyland! Nestled in the Zachary plains, overlooking the Zachary River, the capitol city of Zachexandria is the administrative centre of the Kingdom proper and of the surrounding Zaharian Empire." This Troper must have had 20 or more cities named after himself... This Troper's friend never got to keep the Kingdom, but he was made the High Admiral of the ''"Zachsnavy"'' (pronounced in

gratuitous German). * There's a neat online [[http://esspikay.myminicity.com/ SimCity type of game]] that this troper discovered a few months ago, and he named his city "Esspikay", which is an [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onomatopoeia onomatopoeia]] of his initials. * This Troper invented a language for a class which was not only named after himself, but used his name as the root of all nouns, and his name backwards as the root of all verbs. The capital city of the fictional culture that created this language was also named after himself. * This troper has declared his dorm room an independent kingdom. We are currently amassing an army to break away from the country surrounding us from all sides. ** This troper has done the same, except it was his house and it was declared a principality. He also got some of his friends to join the country and put their houses/rooms as exclaves. * [[{{MiraShio}} I]] personally find giving my first and middle names to establishments, even virtual ones, rather tacky. I have, however, named a fictional town Herber Ridge after my mom's gorgeous-sounding British/German maiden name. * [[MakiP]]'s father sometimes sings as "maj" (a deformation of his initials). When Playing SocialCity in Facebook he named his city "MajPolis"; a friend called Priscy named hers "PriJ City" and another called Elena named her city "L City" (subtler this time, but still aplays). She averted the troped by naming her city "Ankh-Morpork", but later played it straight by renaming it "Makipolis" and the neighboring counties Maki Park and Maki State * this troper usually does something along these lines on Civilization, although he usually names it something complimenting the entire nation rather than himself. Like "Bestcityton". Either that, or an insult to the nation I captured the city from. "Fuckromanstville" is my personal favorite. * This troper had to build diagrams/models of two cities to explain their layouts for Geography, working with another person. We desired to name one of the Cities after one of us, (Name)grad, and had a paper cut-out of his head on a stand for a statue. ---Go back to {{Egopolis}}--don't forget to rename it after yourself! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EiffelTowerEffect * ''"In France, you can see the Eiffel tower from every window in the country !"'' As a more literal case, [[{{Tropers/Lioyd}} this French troper]] has taken a habit of saying this whenever TheThemeParkVersion of France shows up in conversation. [[EverythingSoundsSexierInFrench Thick French accent]] and/or PoirotSpeak are recommended. * When [[Tropers/MidnightMan this troper]] set foot into Warsaw for the first time, coming out of the central station, the very first

building he saw was the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palace_of_Culture_and_Science,_Warsaw Palace of Culture and Science]]. Averted in that his hotel room faced away from that building.

EightiesHair * I've got a pretty awesome mullet. ** Seconded. * This Tropette loves 80s hair. In fact, I tease my hair up every day...I also tend to get annoyed at anybody who tells me to straighten it. It's not ''their'' head! * This Troper's hair is a huge dome around her head. Not an afro, but imagine one, but a bit lower down. * [[@/{{Grobi}} I]] had a mohawk for roughly 4 years. And now I'm shaved, averting this trope ^^

ElaborateUniversityHigh This troper (usually a lurker) attends what can be considered an Elaborate University High. It's the biggest private school in the continental U.S., (there's apparently a bigger one in Hawaii) and was founded in 1900. It's also an Elevator School that teaches pre-K through 12. In the high school section alone (9-12) we have a history building, two science/math buildings, two student lounges, an arts hall (with one large and one small theater, plus the classrooms and TV studio), a dining hall, a language arts building, a 4 gym athletic complex, multiple stadiums, an amphitheater, library, two faculty buildings, multiple statues and monuments and CANNONS. Our school actually gets mistaken for a small college quite a lot by non-locals, which occasionally gets old. It doesn't have all the Elaborate University High traits, though, since the boarding program closed down in the 80s. I kinda wish we still had it, because it would be awesome.

ElectricBoogaloo * [[{{Dukia}} This troper]] used to have a [=LiveJournal=] account, Dookia-chan, of which she [[OldShame got really sick]] a while back and so deleted and purged it. Since then, however, she started a new LJ account to replace her old one, as sort of a sequel. This troper's full name on there? "Dookia 2: Electric [[IncrediblyLamePun Dookaloo]]." * This troper's friend's favourite generic sequel subtitle is "Crimson Tides". * First iPod's name: Leviathan; Second iPod's name: Leviathan 2: Electric Boogaloo DO YA GET IT HYUK HYUK ** ''Shame on you'' for not calling it [[TheBible "Leviathan, Too!"]] *** ''Shame on both of you'' for not thinking of "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Hobbes Behemoth]]!" * The first campaign this troper's DnD group we named "The Saga of Hero." (We were an uncreative lot) When that petered out we played a

few other campaigns before deciding to do a new campaign with those original characters, naming it, "The Saga of Hero 2: Electric Boogaloo." * This troper once had a very long conversation that can basically be summed up by "Applying Generic Sequel Titles to Things that Will Not Likely Have Sequels". Example: I take a second sip of milk. "MILK: REDEMPTION". * This Troper has always wanted to name something "Sequel 2: Electric Boogaloo."" * This troper titled her notes for her two art history classes (American Creativity and History of Graphic Design) one semester in a "[Name of Class][Week #]:[Famous Sequel Title]" format. One title was, of course, "American Creativity 2: Electric Boogaloo". (A couple other titles included "American Creativity 5: [[StarTrek The Final Frontier]]" and "History of Graphic Design 4: [[StarWars A New Hope]]") ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ElegantGothicLolita * [[Tropers/ThisIsATest This Troper]]'s friend from school, also a Troper, recently started wearing [[ElegantGothicLolita Lolita]] to school. She always gets stares while walking down halls, and people frequently stop her to comment. This Troper's other friend, [[JerkAss not caring to learn her name]], refers to her as "[[OnlyKnownByTheirNickname Frilly]]". On one occasion, an entire area of people, containing somewhere between 20 and 50 people, burst into applause, and she once won an award for "Best Dressed" in her art class. * [[Tropers/JenKunoichi351 I]]'ve actually started dressing like this around publicly, though in a more milder way. I still get stared a lot and my Social Studies teacher once described me as an aristocrat. * This Troper's friend and fellow Troper does not wear full EGL outfits most of the time, but most of her clothes are definitely inspired by this style. * This Troper's friend, who is the president of the anime club wore this a few times to promote and fund raise. * I've recently taken to wearing EGL outfits to school. Since I always wear long braids, and no chest to speak of, the look works. Of course, I do get stared at. A lot. The usual responses are either: "What the hell are you ''wearing??''", "Who died?" and, of all things, "You look like a mariachi". Of course, that's half the fun. ;D * This troper adores the style, and has a few skirts which qualify. She hates it when people treat it like a costume. ^^" * This troper is very fond of the style, but hasn't quite yet got the funds for a decent full-loli outfit just yet (And no suitable parttime jobs in her area atm either). Doesn't mean she enjoys looking at the fashion. Or wearing a skirt with a more casual outfit. * This troper (3rdpoliceman) would just like to say that he loves ElegantGothicLolitas. I wish I knew some in real life. They seem so

much cooler than mainstream girls. * The only way to get this troper to wear a dress is if it is ElegantGothicLolita. And if you promise her that no one will think she's a crossdressing guy when she wears it, but that's besides the point. * This troper is partial to dressing in ElegantGothicLolita fashion, despite the fact that she only owns a few dresses that fit the genre. * This troper is not a follower of the Lolita subculture, rather, the Goth subculture. But I do tend to dress on the more aristocratic side (more period dress from the late 19th-early 20th centuries; basically, a Romantigoth), and I adopt many elements from the Elegant Gothic Aristocrat subset. But I also dress in a "quasi-gothloli" style from time to time. I really like the collared shirts and coats... ---Click the link to return to ElegantGothicLolita <<|TroperTales|>>

ElevatorGoingDown * This troper caught two people having rather vigorous sex in her dorm's elevator at 3 am. You'd think they'd try to fuck in the direction of a bedroom. * Trust me, in real life, this rarely ends well. Tried it in the elevator at college with my girlfriend once...the doors opened and in steps my sociology professor. Awkward barely even begins to describe it. ---No, you don't have enough time for a quickie while the [[ElevatorGoingDown Elevator is Going Down]]! Now please arrange your clothes, the door is opening... ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ElevatorSchool * There's a public school similar to this in [[Tropers/{{cyberblade}} this Troper's]] home area. It has both middle and high school (the elementary school is nearby), but has a relatively small number of students compared to that of other nearby public schools and inexplicably gets a disproportionatly large amount of funding and representation in the county school system. * TruthInTelevision with This Troper's school. We've got all classes from kindergarten to 11th grade (which is the last grade). Kinda justified since it's a Jewish school placed in the very non-jewish Moscow. No wonder we're also getting a second building next year. ** Actually, most schools in Moscow (and Russia in general) go from 1st to 11th grade; kindergarten is usually unrelated, though, but exceptions happen even there (This Troper's third school was one). * I went to high school at an elevato school that went all the way down from high school to kindergarten (some people had been there

since kindergarten, but I didn't start until ninth grade). My brother was in kindergarten the year I was in tenth grade, and we were still at the same school. * This troper's current school goes from preschool all the way up to 12th grade. It's a relatively small private school. Another private school that this troper attended was also like this. * A lot of the big public unis in the Philippines also have their own K-12 programs. ----

ElevatorSnare * The elevators in at least 2 of the buildings on my campus (one a dormitory, one the Liberal Arts classrooms and offices) do ''not'' stop closing when a limb is thrust between them (only when they hit something solid, and even that doesn't happen after they've closed past a certain point), so anybody who would try to stop an elevator this way (but nobody is foolish enough to) would find themselves acting out this trope. I've seen quite a few fingers nearly lost just like zombies in the movies.

ElmuhFuddSyndwome * [[GameGuruGG This Troper]] can't pronounce the letter "R," unless I actively force it. I however take it in stride and can do perfect imitations of [[LooneyTunes Elmer Fudd]] and HomestarRunner. The former I get from Real Life, and the latter I get from the Internet. * This troper knows a guy who talks like this. Since hes also CaptainObvious, talking to him can be pretty funny. * Happened to [[{{Nausicaa}} 'dis twoper]] when she had her braces. It's faded considerably away now, but ocassionally comes back to haunt her. * [[CanvasWolfDoll This Troper]] has this issue, though it was a whole lot worse when he was younger, meaning he had to attend speech therapy for most of elementary school. However, unlike those above I am very sensitive about it, and resent both the main page's description and the priest from ThePrincessBride, finding both highly insensitive. ** Also, he's often called "British". This is now a BerserkButton for him. * This troper's little sister spoke like this for an unusually long time, until she was 12 or 13. When she was smaller, she'd also scramble words bizarrely, saying things like "snyopping" for ''shopping'' and "P'jahs" for ''cigars''. * I talked like this until six. I distinctly remember older kids always telling me to say 'rabbit'; some genuinely wanted to help me get over it...others, not so much. * I know of a few people who talk like this one is a woman in her thirties who teaches kindergarten, and another is a girl in her early twenties we feel pretty bad for her that her speech problem was not corrected as a child. * I know someone who genewally speaks wike this. It's vewy funny when

she talks about ''[[ThePrincessBride The Pwincess Bwide]]''. * I don't talk like this ''all the time'', but I'm occasionally prone to pronouncing an L or an R as a W if I'm talking too fast or too thoughtlessly. (Or, more commonly, pronouncing them as each other, but that sounds more Engrishy than Elmuh-Fuddy.) Messing up Ls and Rs is probably my most common speech error. ** This troper has the same problem. My mouth gets ahead of my brain every now and then, and I usually mispronounce Rs as Ws as a result. It happens when I'm nervous or very pissed off, as well. * [[{{Expthka}} This troper]]'s cousin has spoken with an "Elmer Fudd Accent" ever since he's been able to talk, and he's fifteen now. We always expected him to get teased at school, but as it turns out, most everyone thinks it's funny in a great way. * This Troper was playing a game of WarhammerFantasyRoleplay, and was playing a shadow mage, known for deception, who was twelve years old (don't ask), who had this problem, much to his chagrin, since, in his own words: "It was an affectation... owiginawwy." This came to a head when he attempted to name his new horse familiar "Chiron", but... * [[{{BladeSatoshiX}} This Troper]] suffers from this an pronounces all R's as W's. His name has an R in it so immature people pronounce it as a W when saying hi to me. Thankfully, my pronunciation isn't as bad as it used to be though. Some people don't know it now and at least he can pronounce L's, which he never he never used to be able to pronounce properly either. * This Troper couldn't pronounce the letter R when she was a kid. Being Swedish, however, she didn't say W instead of R, but J (which in Swedish is pronounced like the English Y) * My little cousin had this speech impediment for the longest time combined with {{HulkSpeak}} like when introducing herself she'd say "Me am Cwisty (Christy)", she also replaced her g's and j's with d's, her c's and k's with t's, and added the word "did" at the end of sentences with g's like for example "bigdid" (for "big"), she finally lost this impediment she was about 8 or 9. * My youngest brother is 6, and he speaks a lot like this. He pronounces R as W, D as G, T as C, so he will pronounce cat as cac, rabbit as wabbic, dog as gog. He also pronounces words like thing as fing. It has even made its way into his spelling, I noticed, as he was writing a story about a robot, which he spelled as "woboc". He also once mentioned rhyming words, and said heg (head) rhymes with egg. My three year old sister speaks a bit like this too, just not as much. She pronounces kiss as piss though. * My younger brother had this impediment when he was little he pronounced "There" like "Theowe", "World" like "Wowd", and "Free" like "Fwee", he also pronounced "Cheese" like "Teese", and "Treat" like "Tweat" or alternatively "Sweet". ---Be vewwy vewwy quiet; I'm hunting [[ElmuhFuddSyndwome hotwinks]]! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EloquentInMyNativeTongue * Unfortunately, this definitely applies to this troper. Considered to be eloquent in English, when I have to speak French to a native speaker, I end up sounding like a particularly retarded child. Made all the more frustrating by the fact I'm perfectly fluent in French on paper, can understand everything people say to me and can read French text like it's English. Somehow all of this gets lost when I try and speak it. The proof I'm actually pretty damn good comes when I'm drunk and can hold lengthy debates without any mistakes at all, my confidence just vanishes in day to day life. ** Replace the French with Spanish and you've got [[{{Kaizykat}} this troper]]. Although, she hasn't tried out her language skills while drunk. *** Chalk a third Troper up to the "Eloquent in English but not in Spanish" version. And when I say eloquent in English, I mean to the point that I am so well-spoken and enunciated people mistake me for British ([[{{Eagleland}} I'm American born and raised]]), but it's actually just due to being in theater for four years (where you NEED to enunciate so the audience can understand you) and having an [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness uncannily large vocabulary]]. ** Change that to German with this troper, also made worse as she has a horrible accent while trying to speak it. ** It's the same for me, but with Japanese. (And German and Spanish... but I live in Japan, so that one bothers me more.) * One of my guildmates in ''Main/WorldOfWarcraft'' is like this. She is intelligent, speaks three languages and has a reasonably good grasp of English vocabulary, but horrendous spelling mistakes in her nonnative English (even in the simplest words, like "sow" instead of "saw") make her sound not much better than the 15-year-old retards of Goldshire. ** My ''character'' in WorldOfWarcraft is like this, except on purpose. Her backstory is that she's relatively new to Azeroth, and despite being completely articulate in her native tongue, when she speaks Common she ends up sounding like Manuel from ''TheMoonIsAHarshMistress''. *** Let me guess...draenei. This is my baby paladin trying to thank a priest for a stamina buff: "I would that the anchorite who did pray to grant me fortitude would speak, that I may give thanks?" ** In this troper's experience, many roleplayers in WoW, particularly trolls and draenei, have this sort of trope in a semi-subversion they speak eloquently and fluently in their own racial tongue, but when using their factional one (Common for Alliance and Orcish for Horde), they tend to lose that fluidity of speech rather quickly. * Dubious example (mainly so since I've never had to ''use'' either of my non-native tongues to hold conversations): This troper is wellspoken and prone to SesquipedalianLoquaciousness in English, but her knowledge of French and Japanese is very shallow. (The former is because I absolutely ''hated'' most of the mandatory French classes I had from fifth through eighth grade and didn't care enough to try learning it from other sources, and the latter is because I just started learning and am too lazy to really immerse myself in it.) ** Change the references to the troper's gender, plus the times the

French was learned, and you have [[AnthonyMercer this troper]]. *** This troper can attest to the fact that there is indeed nothing more annoying than transitioning from grandiloquence in one's native tongue to the weak and bland [insert-language-here] of a particularly slow child. There's nothing for it but practice, mais, finalement, on pourra parler comme un habitant, ou, au moins, une personne inculte, au lieu d'une personne retarde. Yes, I know, that's probably wrong. In a depressing sort of way, that's kinda the point. * This troper is a native English speaker with an excellent vocabulary, who not only speaks with SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, but thinks in it as well. This caused her no end of frustration when trying to do Spanish writing exercises in middle school and high school, often relying more on her Spanish dictionary than her textbook...which usually resulted in a gross mistranslation of what she was trying to say. * Probably subverted by me. I speak German, English and Dutch (my native language). I am able to write English and German, read those languages, understand them when I hear them and speak them. But I am only good at speaking them when I am speaking to a non-native. When I speak them to a native, I get nervous and end up just not saying anything. It is getting better with my German, but English... Still the same. Other languages that I have learned too (French, Latin (and thanks to Latin I'm able to at least understand Spanish, Italian and the like... on paper)), tend to follow this trope perfectly. * I put a random twist on it; I don't speak anything other than English, but while I have a great vocabulary and get my point across very easily on paper, I stumble over my words and sound like I'm mentally deficient when speaking. Apparently my native tongue is writing. ** You too? With me, it's not so much that I lose my vocabulary as it is that I'll change how I wanted to phrase something in mid-sentence (sometimes in mid-''word'') and it'll come out sounding stupid. That, and I massively avert RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic, which annoys me even though I don't think I can do anything about it. *** I am SO bad about changing my phrasing mid-sentence. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. ** I (JBridge) have the ''same exact thing''. I also have something called a "non-verbal learning disorder," so yeah. Blarg. ** I feel so happy that I'm not the only terrible speaker/good writer around. The difference is so bad that when my English teacher said that for a class debate he'd pick people who don't argue well, he immediately added that I didn't count since I argued well in writing. ** This troper is exactly the same way. He's a silver tongued rogue with a keyboard, but he stammers, stutters, and generally sounds like an idiot verbally. ** I've come to the conclusion that this is a common problem for people who "learned" english in school. Doing so is a recipe for being unable to talk straight. If you'd ask psychologists how to make sure a kid's going to stutter and will forever be unable to express itself vocally, all you need to do is correct its every sentence and remind it that the quality of its language is going to be graded. Native speakers learn a language mostly by listening, not by learning grammar

and vocabulary. If you want to actually improve your english skills, I suggest you simply practice it, talking to yourself, alone. And cease caring if it's syntactically correct, the purpose of language isn't to be correct, but to get a point accross. ** Sound like you all suffer from the side effects of Asperger's Syndrome (except the one immediately above [[MutantRancor me]]). Look it up, it's fascinating. And explains a lot of things. To put it in a nut shell, Asperger's Syndrome is just about the exact opposite of AttentionDeficitOohShiny--but the visible symptoms are similar enough that it's often misdiagnosed by doctors. Note that this troper has it, and falls in this section of this category. Three years of Spanish and two of anime, and he's still only fluent in English. *** While this may be quite similar to Asperger's Syndrome symptoms, I think it's a bit much to say "sounds like you all suffer" when referring to the difference in written and spoken fluency. While it may be a slight tell, it doesn't automatically diagnose a person with Asperger's. For all anyone knows, the other tropers who have posted with this quirk (myself included) may simply be lacking in confidence/social skills/other cause. I would prefer you refrain from diagnosing others from slight information, despite having a thorough knowledge of the condition (which you presumably do have). ** This troper is supposedly an eloquent typist (though I can't tell), but when forced to hand-write my thoughts, or to speak in class, I resort to either huge, pauseless deluges of information that others find either dull or confusing and impossible to follow, weird similes, or BuffySpeak. I swear, I'm eloquent when I'm allowed a keyboard... sometimes. ** this troper has the exact opposite. I speak eloquently, and can write well, as long as it isn't for an essay. My essays are atrocious. ** [[DialgaX This Troper]] types and writes well but it is not uncommon for him to repeat his own words or attempt to rephrase something only to repeat the entire phrase. Even worse: his native language is English. ** This troper finds writing extremely easy and can be very eloquent when she puts her mind to it. However, her spoken languague is terrible, mainly because she often starts to speak before she's finished forming what she wants to say in her mind. ** This (English Speaking)troper can write a multi chaptered story on pen and paper in an hour (Including making herself cry and cheer from TearJerkers and Crowning Moments of Awesome/Heartwarming she just made) But make her do it on a computer and she can't write a damn thing. Thing is due to all notions of privacy being whittled down to everybody shares everything but their bed's I rarely write on paper anymore and just use the computer. Which is the only private place I can do so. I do not like showing other people my stories until I'm happy with them but they just keep poking in. * My friend Ashok speaks English [[HomestarRunner much the way that Homsar does]]. He's also apparently one of the best up-and-coming young Hindi-language writers in America. * Inverse example, in that this troper is quite eloquent when speaking/writing in English, and not too bad with Swedish either, yet I'm absolutely horrid at Finnish, my native tongue. Especially when

trying to write in Finnish. * [[JethroQWalrustitty This Finnish Troper]] has the grammar and pronunciation under wraps (spelling is another matter). The problem is the accent; Finnish and English have slightly different phonemes, mostly TT forgets when you're supposed to use a Schwa (instead of pronouncing the vowel as is) and the slight Rotic /R/. Russian English sounds [[HuskyRusskie gritty]] Swedish English sounds exotic and slightly sexy. Finnish English sounds like you've got something in your mouth. * Inverted with this troper, who is Chinese-American. She can speak Cantonese (though it's far from eloquent) and her Mandarin is ''atrocious''. English, despite being her third language, is rather advanced. * [[{{Nomic}} This troper]] sonsiders himself to be pretty much fluent in english, exept he sometimes can't find the words he's looking for. However his spelling and pronounciation tend to range from slightly off to atrocious. * Subverted when this troper took up French on top of her Spanish classes. It frustrated her to no end when on a test she would know exactly how to phrase something in Spanish, but alas, it was a French test. ** Its also worth mentioning that this troper is better at reading Spanish out loud than English, subverting and inverting this trope. ** You mean a [[AzumangaDaioh trench fest]]. * This troper, while possessing a good vocabulary and having good pronounciation, is so much more used to writing in English than talking, and as a result has to dig for the correct word a couple times every sentence, making a complete ass of himself in the process. * This troper's english is often littered with horrible grammatical errors - "How you?" Arabic is the same way. Of couse his writing and reading of these languages don't show it. Maybe it's just the accent? * English is [[TheTallOne my]] native language, and I still sound like a moron half the time. Maybe I need to attend speech therapy? * Due to a very interesting *coughwhitefromMinnesotacough* ''Mandarin Chinese'' teacher, my grammar was atricious until this year, when I finally learned how to constructa sentence. The problem? I'm in Chinese 3. Outside of the basic noun-verb construction, I can only speak with emphasis (&#26159;...&#30340;) or '''passive voice''' (&#34987;). * [[{{Gadeel}} I]] can converse in Filipino and English without any problem, but my Spanish teacher thinks that my accent needs work, and that my impressive grades might be okay on paper but won't do me any good if my speaking is barely coherent. * This Troper's cousin immigrated to the U.S. from India when he was little. He speaks English well (American Accent), and remembers enough of his native language (Telugu) to have a coherent conversation. But, he picked up his parents' thick country accent in Telugu (Think KansaiRegionalAccent, only Indian). This accent, when combined with the English inflection in his speech, results in him sounding very yokel-ish. Not that this Troper is any better: her Telugu is patchy (at best) and has an even heavier English inflection attached to it, making her sound like an American trying to speak Telugu (not pretty).

* Inverted with this troper; I speak SesquipeladianLoquaciousness as my preferred language in English, but I still sound like a seven-yearold in Mandarin Chinese, my mothertongue. (This may have something to do with the fact that I moved to Australia when I was seven, hence limiting my vocabulary to words a fairly mature seven-year-old would know. (I ''still'' don't know the word for "sex". My parents won't tell me.) * [[@/{{Koveras}} This troper]] lives in Germany and still struggles with the German vocabulary and the genders/cases, therefore he usually tries to avoid long complex sentences (or fails badly). Because of this, people who hear him speak English or Russian (his native tongue) for the first time are often genuinely surprised at how well-formed his speech actually is. Of course, that only applies to spoken German: people are equally surprised to see how eloquently this troper writes in German, considering the difficulties he has with speaking. * This troper is a native English speaker. He's also pretty much equally fluent in Mandarin Chinese, which makes for interesting occasions whenever he rants and gradually his angry soapboxing turns from straight English into a mix-n-match of English and Chinese. Eloquency isn't an issue. Clarity on the other hand is. * [[DialgaX This Troper]] speaks English (native language) EXTREMELY well. He also speaks two dialects of Chinese and Latin. Latin is somewhat tolerable but his Chinese is basically HulkSpeak. * This troper has a friend that can understand spoken Japanese, but apparently can't speak it. ** This tropette had a coworker from Germany who claimed to be like that, except with Spanish. But later we began to realise that he's a compulsive liar. Even his job coach, who ''is'' EloquentInHisNativeTongue (Hebrew), didn't believe that one. * This troper is fluent in English (my native tongue), and I am getting fairly good at writing and speaking Japanese. My problem: Keeping up with someone speaking Japanese at a "normal" speed. (By "normal", I mean the speed the native speakers speak it at.) I may be in my fourth college quarter of the class, but yesterday when Sensei was introducing the guest who was gonna teach us about the tea ceremony... I only picked up about three sentences' worth of fragments. To really ice this cake of I-can't-think-very-fast-inJapanese, the guest teacher doesn't speak English that well. At least she gave out study packets instead of having us try to take notes on a lecture. And I dunno when hilarity will ensue first: if I forget my "lines" during the ceremony (happened twice today but at least it was only a demonstration), or when the class clowns start messing around. Either way, lulz don't echo very well in the tatami room... * [[Saciel This Troper]] speaks 9 languages to various extends, but although English is my second language which I have learned for the longest time, I still make basic mistakes. Also, I tend to "sound" terribly rude in writing even if I try to sound humble. People are usually aggressed by it and I have no idea why. On the other side my Chinese is very basic but I manage much better and am already able to give taxi drivers directions. * This troper has an extremely good vocabulary in English and a manner of speaking that his girlfriend compared to [[Literature/{{Twilight}}

Edward Cullen]], but when he speaks French, unless he's practiced the sentence he'll end up halting and sometimes having to describe what he's talking about when he's forgotten the word for it. * This troper was told that, when he tried to speak Japanese, that he sounded like a mongoloid John Wayne. In English, however, I am rather erudite and proper (some would say unnaturally so). * This troper inverts this trope when it comes to his native Russian and English. The reason for that is that when he speaks English he tries very hard to avoid common Russophone mistakes and carefully plans every sentence he is about to say. He is a lot more careless when speaking Russian, which often leads to digression, incoherence, bad grammar and getting stuck mid-sentence. He plays it straight with Kazakh and German though, despite having grown up in Kazakhstan and having studied German for almost nine years. * My native language is English, and I speak it pretty well. But I also study Spanish and German at college and though I've been studying them for a few years now, they're still atrocious. * This troper knows a Korean girl from school who hardly ever talks, and when she does often pronounces vowels oddly & leaves out conjunctions (e.g. going to church because she "believe Jesus", and was such a ShrinkingViolet I thought she was retarded and/or much younger, but when asked for just one word in her own language, she writes it in perfect hangul, puts it in a sentence, and explains politeness levels/honorifics if needed, often bringing Korean textbooks in Korean for reading practice & her favorite [=CDs=] or foods from Korea to help me understand the culture. * This is apparently this troper. In Japanese high school, my English writing teacher would often say that I would make stupid faces when I spoke Japanese, but when I switched to English, my native language, I suddenly seemed more mature and believable, I guess you could say. * Inverted by [[{{MiraShio}} me]]. I learned English at the age of five, and since then I've been better at it than in Filipino, my native tongue. I talk to myself in English a lot. * This troper is reasonably competent at speaking English. However, his Spanish has caused people to joke about babies being dropped on their heads. * This troper used to speak French well... until he learned Portuguese. Now whenever he tries to speak French, he uses French words but pronounces them as if they were Portuguese. Evidently his brain cannot keep romance languages separate. * My French is so horrendous that I apparently sound like a mentally deficient 3-year old. I'm also one of the best at the English language in an English IB school. * When This Troper speaks Hebrew, her sentence formation and vocabulary is pretty bad. She's okay reading and writing it, but when it comes to hearing and speaking Hebrew... * [[{{Kathadrion}} This Troper's]] native tongue is Swedish, which I speak very well but writes better. I am also fairly eloquent in English. The problem is that I have almost no problem writing English or speaking English to myself when I'm alone (living by yourself will make do things like that, trust me), but as soon as I'm speaking English to someone else, even if I know that I'm better at it than the

person I'm talking to, I get nervous and start sounding like an idiot. Another example is a lady I went to university with. Back in her home country she was actually a university professor, but for some reason she wasn't allowed to teach in Sweden. Anyway, she was very nice and it was obvious that she was very intelligent. The problem was that 75% of the time, I had absolutely no clue as to what she was talking about. It wasn't that she spoke Swedish with an accent; it was more like she spoke something that definitely didn't sound like Swedish at all. * This troper has a friend who speaks Russian as his native language but is also fluent in writing and reading English. However, when speaking it he comes off as a bit awkward and unintelligent but knowing him for the past two years, he's made astounding progress. Switched around with myself, I speak English as a native language and took classes in Mandarin and German. German is pronounced pretty nicely but heaven forbid I speak Mandarin properly, thanks to my accent. * [[UncleTyki I]] am a bookworm with a decent vocabulary in my native English and with the occasional help of a dictionary, this carries over well to Italian. On paper, I sound fairly intelligent but once I try and speak my confidence disappears, I can't roll my R's and it becomes the Italian equivalent of [[YouNoTakeCandle You No Take Candle]]. * When this troper moved to the US for the beginning of seventh grade, she had the exact issue. In Spanish, she was perfectly eloquent, and many people said they adored the way my voice sounded. Shove me in a New Jersey middle school, and I'm stuck having to resort to staying silent. Until about halfway through the year, I was so insecure about my English I refused to speak in public, because kids are jerks, and this was seventh grade, so many of them had quite the riot whenever I tried to speak. With a bit of help from the few friends I'd made, and by reading the entire HarryPotter series in English, I finally fixed my slight dilemma. The only downside is that I refuse to use American spelling for certain words. Colour, Flavour, Favourite, Favour, Centre... It took a while for me to convince my eight grade teacher that I was not misspelling the words, and I even had to pull out a dictionary once, to prove that Learnt was the equivalent of Learned. I still speak with an American accent though... * I'm pretty eloquent in English (well, I hope so, anyway. It IS my native language, after all). In French, however, I'm an illiterate mute. I can get the gist of French writing and conversations (provided the speakers aren't going a mile a minute), but my brain just freezes right up when I try to speak it. * My friend is Russian, forced to attend an English language school (despite not really being that good in English, all things considered). During one of the most Tear Jerker moments I've ever seen, she despaired and said "In Russian, I am funny. In Russian, I am smart." Damn near broke my heart. In addition, I'm quite clever in English (mom's an English professor, it's in the genes) but tend to either get laughed at or shot funny looks every time I try to speak Swedish. * This troper got a very, very, very high score on the Writing

Skills/Vocabulary sections on the SAT, but when speaking in other languages sounds like an idiot. I'm prone to switching back and forth between ridiculous loquaciousness/ vaguely verbose speech and loud, childish, ditzy statements a la "Ahahahaha, that's ''funny'', cha! Can we ''go-o'' back to the ''dorms'' now?" when speaking in English. However, my other languages are not so lucky. I've never lived in one country long enough to truly pick up a language, so I speak pidgin French, Finnish, German, Japanese, and Latin. And I sound like an absolute idiot when I try to say something. It irritates the heck out of me; I was reduced to tears once by a 'German tutor' who was a downright jerkwad. ** In addition, my great aunt is this way. All we have to communicate is my basic German and her basic English, but I can still tell she's one of the smartest people I've ever met. * Before I learned english, I was this. These days, however, the only wrong thing with me is the pronounciation, but some people with said idiom as a mother language complains that I have better vocabulary than them. Possibly a little subversion of TvTropesWillRuinYourLife, as I became fluent thanks to it. And, if you excuse me, it's time for my EvilLaugh. Mua. Ja. Ja. ** Whatever, when the only word in english that I knew was ''Thank you'', this blockheads were trying to break in a classroom using some little metal wire they found in the floor. Problem? The classroom had two doors, and the ''other'' one was open. I tried to tell them, but none of them knew a word of spanish and they ended up being caught by the teacher, who did unknowingly my suggestion and appeared in the door they were trying to force. They got punished, I got an bad opinion about them. * This Troper's second job was as a delivery driver for a Chinese restaurant in Texas. The owner, from Taiwan, epitomized this trope, having long conversations about seemingly interesting topics in Chinese with fellow native speakers, yet made a point to hire native English speakers as drivers and waitstaff. Anyone who worked there long enough mastered a sort of pidgin English to communicate with him and [[GotMeDoingIt eventually each other.]] The fact that the whole cook staff [[SouthOfTheBorder didn't speak much English]] meant the linguistics flying around the place were this trope UpToEleven. * While IGotBetter eventually, [[@/SoWeAteThem My]] French was not up to scratch. I ended up learning this the hard way when I attempted to translate a fanfic chapter. What few reviews I got prompted me to talk to a beta translator--Apparently, not even three years worth of grammar and conjugation knowlege was enough to keep the piece from spiraling headlong into TrollFic territory by mistake. * [[@/Minnakht This troper]] might be a... double subversion. Or zigzagging, or whatever. He isn't particularly eloquent in Polish, which is his native language. In written English, he tends to be, writing full sentences and quickly running out of characters in any place where they're limited to only a few hundred. In spoken English, though, he isn't, due to his lack of prowess in pronunciation of pretty much every word (not being a native speaker is horrible), so even if he uses sophisticated words and the like, they just end up sounding awkward. And then there comes German, in which he is utterly

hopeless precisely due to not having a wide selection of words to use, so he ends up not speaking at all, or badly when he absolutely has to. ---Is no bad thing to you go for [[EloquentInMyNativeTongue Good At Mine Home Talk]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ElvishPresley * This troper once went to a Christmas party dressed as Santa's Elvis. * This troper has heard stories of a High Elf Cleric named Elvish Priestly, back in ''Everquest'' I. * This troper hardly ever remembers anything from elementary school. One thing he ''does'' remember, though, was a very silly Christmas musical; the crux of the plot had something to do with Santa and his elves going to some famous city for some reason that has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. A running gag throughout the musical is a band manager confusing "Elves" with "Elvis". ---Go back to ElvishPresley. ----

EmbarrassingFirstName * My friend got mocked for years in middle school and high school, because her first name is Rain. People are very immature. * People always seem to like my name..I mean it's all pretty and of course it's awesome being named after a greek demi-god, but when you have a silent H in your name, being called CHA-ris repeatedly (should be ca-ris) is almost as annoying as being called chairs, or chris. I just go by Caz now. * This Troper's first name is Martha and she ''HATES'' it. I usually go by Marti... Which gets me mistaken for guys all the time over the phone. :/ But I was going to be named Carol Carolyn Carroll if my mother hadn't intervened... * [[JBridge This troper]] knows someone in real life who goes by "Waffle." Given that she's a 7channer, this makes some sense. She also has more balls than anyone else I know. Her real name is Susanna. ** I demand to know what's so embarrassing about this name. ''I've'' never encountered any problems with it... except for that 'Oh Susanna' song, but that only happened a few...ten...twenty... and err... okay, I'll just stop now. ** it's mostly because the name ''really'' doesn't fit her personality. I don't know, really. I'd have to ask her. * This troper met a guy named Lance. Lance, as much of his friends learned, was his middle name. Real name? Dorcey (pronounced Door-see but the spelling lent to the more popular "Dorky" pronunciation). It didn't help that this came out in a Comedy Club meeting. * [[Troper/LadyBealzabub I]] used to absolutely dispise my first name when I was younger, but I've grown the really love it as I've gotten

older. ... So psuedo-inversion? (The name is question is Nova. Although, it does get a little annoying when people tend to think your real name is a nickname. Or when it's CONSTANTLY misspelled as Nora.) * In high school, when learning the "lingo" surrounding prostitution, [[EternallyAnonymous I]] got some flak for being a "john" (the client, if you're unfamiliar) * This troper's first name is Sebastian. I spent most of primary school [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore being reminded]] that is was the same as the crab from Disney's TheLittleMermaid. I never got a real nickname, despite this (unless you count "Seb" or the less pleasant "Se''bastard''"). ** Sebastian can be shortened to the very cool Bastian (Bastion). In high school, this troper knew a guy named Sebastian who insisted on being called Sea-bass. His wacky sense of humor made him very popular. * This troper had a physics teacher who refused to reveal his first name. The way our timetables were printed gave us only his first initial - S - and the class started placing bets on what the name actually was, with some ''very'' embarrassing options becoming popular choices. We were all quite disappointed when it turned out to be Steve. * Similarly, this troper's AP Euro teacher is a big, hardy former farmer who coaches a basketball team. His name is Stacy. ** This troper's English class was disappointed to find out, after months of speculation, that Mr. R. Sharpe's first name was Richard, not Razor. * This troper's cousin, Chris, has a friend everyone calls Newman, which is his middle name. His first is Christine, and people can't call him Chris because of this troper's cousin. ** Are you sure he doesn't ever say [[{{Seinfeld}} Hello Newman]]? * Everybody calls [[{{Nomic}} this troper's]] father by his second name. His first name isn't really embarrassing, he just prefers his second name. * This troper's first name is Raymond. Now, he dares you to associate him with [[EverybodyLovesRaymond Ray Romano]]. On the other hand, the katakana for his shortened first name, &#12524;&#12452; ([[NeonGenesisEvangelion rei]]), has a nice ring to it. * Sometimes, your First Name doesn't have to embarrassing until you say it with your last name. It's not really EMBARRASSING, per say, but accompanying my last name, it just doesn't sound... ''right''... it doesn't roll off the tongue. I guess Nathan is no good with ANY double syllable last name. ** I can attest to the same problem, Nathan doesn't work with double syllable last names, I always feel weird saying my name. Though on the other hand, I consider my middle name to be [[EmbarrassingMiddleName embarassing too...]], but overall, Nathan Niles Olney just sounds straight up awful. Plus nobody ever pronounces my last name right. Ever. ** Similarly, Cole doesn't work with ANY two-syllable surname. It needs at least three, unfortunately for me. * This one's not totally embarrassing; just unique. This troper's full first name is Earl Andrew. In this troper's country of origin (Philippines), Earl isn't a common name so people would always keep

repeating "Earl" as if they had to get something off their tongues / giggle at how "foreign" it sounded. Coincidentally, this troper's nickname is made up of the initials, "EA." Figure out what people [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_Arts shouted]] upon hearing that one. * This troper's brother's name is Brook, which used to be a popular boys name, until the popularity of the female version Brooke - made popular by Brooke Shields - made it obscure. Now whenever I mention him people assume I have a sister, and whenever he introduces himself for any sort of documentation he has to clarify that there's no e. ** Same with this troper's father. This has led people to assume my parents are lesbians (NotThatTheresAnythingWrongWithThat), that my mother's name (Patrice) next to his on mail is a misspelling of Patrick, as well as to uncountable iterations of the same conversation with telemarketers: *** Telemarketer: Is Brook ***** in? *** Me: No. *** Telemarketer: When will she be back? *** Me: ...Never. *hangs up* ** Oddly enough he finds his comparatively normal middle name (Devon) to be [[EmbarrassingMiddleName more embarrassing]], and in fact lied about it to my mother for years. * Syphilis (pronounced "S'Phillis) and Female (Feh-mall-ee). This tropers wife met the mothers of these young ladies while working for for family services in an area of Missouri known as the "Lead Belt". I would draw a connection there, but that's probably not politically correct. ** Whoa, they're not urban myths? :o ** This one probably is, but it's too funny to pass up: Asshole. Pronounced "Ah-Sho-lee". *** All false: http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/names.asp * This troper went to school with the son of a Mr and Mrs Pipe, who for some godforsaken reason decided to call him Dwayne. * This troper's name isn't exactly embarrassing, but too common. Take one of the most popular girl names in the country, and two of the most popular surnames, and gotcha! Lots of girls with the exact same name. Unfortunately, her aunts got into an even worse issue, since they don't have middle names (no, they aren't Asian, it's just that gramps forgot... Every single time). * This troper almost had either "Reinhart" or "Sterling" as his first name (his mother is a strange person...) He was eventually given the first name of Colin. The name itself isn't embarrassing, but the source could be: he was named after Colin Chapman, the founder of Lotus Motors (he likes lotuses, so he's actually fine with that.) Guess why "Sterling" was on the list of possible names... * This troper has a first name that, when revealed to people they will either A) Quote/sing the song it came from (which is, yes, what my mother named me after) or B) Tell me it's a yeast infection. Yay. (The name in question is "Candida" by the way.) This is also assuming people can even ''pronounce'' it, although my favorite variation is being called Canada Dry by my shop teacher after too many failed attempts to call me by my real name.

* A senior who helped teach my freshman year gym class was always referred to as Mack. This troper found out it was short for Mackenzie (a fact Mack kept under wraps because it's unanimously a girl's name in these parts). When this troper's friends were giggling about it, Mack walks into the room and a boy who didn't understand what was going on asks Mack, "Who's name is Mackenzie? They're talking about a Mackenzie. Who is she?" * This troper has a friend whose first name is biblical and so obscure I never remember it, and everybody calls that person Fluffy. Including his parents. ** Is he [[FluffyTheTerrible terrible,]] perchance? ** This troper's name is Jedidiah. Biblical, obscure, and prone to [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore jokes]] about TheBeverlyHillbillies. * [[FreezairForALimitedTime This troper]] despises her first name, Alexandria. She goes by Ally exclusively. It's not that she thinks it's an ''ugly'' name--in fact, everyone tells her "but it's so pretty!"--she just thinks it's too fancy, and doesn't suit her at all. [[BerserkButton And don't even THINK about calling her "Alex."]] ** This troper's name is Alexandra, and doesn't like it for the exact same reasons you do. However, I prefer being called Alex, and got a little mad when one of her science teachers decided to start calling her "Allie" for no reason. He managed to confuse the rest of the class with it too... * [[{{Haza}} This troper]]'s first name is awfully difficult, both to write (if you hear it said out loud) and to say out loud (if you see it written down). Her parents named her after... a music group. Plus, she's Spanish, so she has no middle name (but she's got a second surname to compensate) -- most of the time, she goes by her initial. * This troper, having gone through life thinking her name was Caley, as do all the family, as that's what her parents call her, has found out that on her birth certificate First name - ''Caledonia''. * This Troper's Aunt "Helen" died some time ago. I recently learned that Helen was her middle name, her real name was Stephania. ** Just gotta say, that's a '''brilliant''' name! I love it! * This troper knows a boy named Starlit. And a girl named Moonlight. The latter has it a bit better off, though. * This Tropette's friend goes by Claire. It's her middle name, her first name is Julia. She squirms if you even say "Julia" near her. It's the weirdest thing. * This troper knows two sisters; one of them is named Moonriver, and the other Novastar. I think they have another sister too, but I can't recall her name. ** Lysergic isn't really a good name though. *** It is if your middle name is Acid and your last name is Diethylamide. * This troper used to know a girl named Michael. Needless to say, she preferred to be called Michelle. ** Could've been my sister. She grew to accept it though. * One of this troper's college professors always used her middle name -- if she was being formal, first initial and middle name. Then, end of semester, the course evaluation forms came around. The college computer system apparently couldn't deal with just an initial at the

beginning, it printed the forms with her full legal name. "Cornelia" really didn't fit her .... * This troper's name invites far too many references to a certain Disney princess. I don't feel the need to go by a nickname or anything, but I am NOT a little mermaid! ** You're lucky. This troper's name invites too many references to a less desirable princess...Fiona from Shrek. I used to go by my middle name (Elizabeth) for a while, but thankfully the teasing has died down. Mostly. ** This troper's parents cut to the chase and just named her Princess. Behold my ignoble victory and don't you dare click on that Page History button. ** You're lucky. Here, Ariel is [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ariel_(laundry) this]]. * This troper's mom is a teacher, and had a student named Twuu Love. Seriously. I have no idea if the kid got teased, but every time his name comes up, jokes about ThePrincessBride ensue. * This troper had a Japanese exchange student in his Japanese class. Umm, yeah. Anyway, for the longest time, he thought her name was Yuki, which is a common girl's name. Eventually he was corrected - her name was Yu''u''ki, which is a common ''boy's'' name. The trope was subverted by the fact that Yuuki actually liked her name (it helps that it means "free spirited" which is [[GenkiGirl appropriate]])... and then ''double'' subverted by the fact that her ''real'' name was ''Thireena'', which she ''was'' embarrassed by. * This troper has a friend who knows a guy named Genocide. Poor guy. * This troper has been unable to convince her cousin that Colby Oberon is a poor name for a child. Particularity when he reaches high school and his peers all learn that Oberon is the name of [[AMidsummerNightsDream the King of the Fairies]]. Her other two children, Devon Blair and Quincy Gideon are only slightly better off. * This troper knew a kid in high school whose Satanist father and Protestant mother had compromised and named him Lucifer Christian. ** How is that even ''accomplished?'' (The relationship that produced the poor soul, not the name.) *** It's not ''that'' hard to imagine. All the original troper mentioned was the religions of the two; assuming neither of the two act like a {{Jerkass}} over the other one's religion it would be like any other relationship. * This troper's brother is named Willie. Just Willie. Needless to say, after a certain movie about a whale came out, [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore kids were quick to make jokes.]] * A classmate of this troper has a name which joins the names of his mother and his two brothers. Another prefers to be called by her middle name, because she considers her first, Maria, to be a "maid's name". * This Israeli troper's friend is named "Nimrod", which is a perfectly normal (biblical) name here in Israel. Unfortunately for Nimrod, his family moved to America for a few years when he was a kid. He didn't like it. * This troper had a particularly mean homeroom teacher that nobody really liked and had been nicknamed 'daughter of Satan' and

'hellwoman'. One day she let slip that her first name was [[Characters/HarryPotter Dolores]]. More than two-thirds of the class were HarryPotter fans. The news spread and now we have the reputation of being 'Umbridge's Class.' * This troper's grandfather's first name is Cornelius and he goes by Joe. He grew up down the street from ''another'' Cornelius who went as Joe. * This troper's family friends all go by their middle names. Neither of the first names are embarrassing (Except maybe Everett.)) * If my mother hadn't already apologized a dozen times for it, I would be shouting my head off at her for this one.... My name is apparently a boy's name in Jamaica (where my mother comes from), as well as east of the Atlantic. Unfortunately, in North America, Courtney is a girl's name. * Subversion with [[TropeKira this troper.]] While I'm fine with Andrew, I prefer to be called Drew and was only named Andrew since my parents found it more satisfying to yell up the stairs. Meanwhile, if he ever writes something in a school, one of the characters, Stewart Dent, would be an inversion, hating to be called Stu and preferring Stewart. ** This troper had a friend named Andrew in elementary school whom I teased mercilessly for sharing the name of a monster-hurricane. I think he got it a lot because he eventually started to like to twirl around with his arms out and pretend to BE a hurricane. * This troper finds her first name (Mary) painfully embarassing, especially given what I was supposed to be named-- [[AliceAllusion Alice]]. I also have a classmate named Rose who (being [[{{Goth}} pseudo-gothic as fuck]] intended to change it to Bramble. Mercifully, she didn't. * This Troper's friend is a swim teacher, and had a student from Vietnam (I think) with the first name Phuc. Yes, pronounced that way. They call him Frankie. * In high school, a girl that everyone had known by her middle name, Hope, began calling herself Revi instead. Her real name turned out to be Revolutionary Hope. * This editor's first name is Alex. Didn't used to be embarrassing, until a bunch of other parents of my generation started calling their ''girls'' that. * This troper's name is Carol, and my Latin teacher once passed out a page with the root meanings of all our names...I was much teased for being "manly". * This troper had a latin teacher named Daniel who went by Ka'ala. * This troper's middle name is Alexis, and he suffered plenty for it in grade school. God damn you, Alexis Carrington! * I know a kid, last name Sung. His first name is Sam. I want to strangle his parents. * One of [[PhoenixFire my]] good friends is named Oscar. He does not approve. As such, when in "official" situations, he goes by his middle name, but with friends even ditches that in favor of the completelyunrelated "Art". I suspect that he's going to change his name as soon as he can legally do so. * This troper once heard a girl with the embarrassing LAST name of

Falagaipupu or something to that effect. * This troper's grandfather's first name is Kaylee. He didn't find any fault with it until he joined the army. * MutantRancor here. My paternal grandfather's first name is Estil. No on'e entirely sure why, because all six of his brothers have/had normal names. He goes by his middle name, Sherl, which isn't much better.. It rhymes with "furl" or "curl," and is most definitely not pronounced "Cheryl," though he doesn't really bother to correct people when they mispronounce it. ** I just remembered--my maternal grandmother also goes by her middle name. Her first name is Mary. Her middle name is Joann (pronounced JoAnn). I believe that she goes by Joann because Mary was just extremely common when she was growing up. She doesn't seem to be embarrassed by it, but I was a teenager before I found out Joann wasn't her first name. ** Averted by her sister Clarabel, who is called Clarabel by everyone except friends and family (who use my mother's childhood mangling of her name, Keb, or Kebbie). I don't even know her middle name (though I did at one time). * Although it's definitely on the girly side, this troper has always been very fond of her full name meaning. It's "Princess (Sarah) Prettyhair". No, she's not kidding. Her last name is an old, and rather unique German name that means Pretty Hair. This is, of course, disregarding for a moment her ''middle'' name, Jo- but, if left in, her full name meaning would be "Princess He will enlarge Prettyhair", and that... just doesn't sound right. ** Schoenhaar? * This troper went to school with a boy whose last name was pronounced "Do". His first name was Remi, which isn't an embarrassing name in itself, but combined with his last name... If you know solfge, you know there is no way this wasn't intentional. She hopes he has a good sense of humour. * [[JustCallMeNed This Troper]] is friends with a girl who goes by her middle name, Lee; her given name is Jennifer. She has a speech impediment that makes it difficult to form the "Sh" and "J" sounds, so it's really more out of practicality than embarrassment. * This troper has a friend named Rita, whose sister is named Katrina... and their brother, Kenny, was apparently a typhoon out in the Pacific that same year, although he doesn't seem to have done as much damage. ** Seriously? I thought I was the only one! This troper has two cousins named Andrew and Katrina. She's on record as saying if a hurricane gets named Stephanie (the [[OddNameOut Odd One Out), she's going to Canada. * This troper's first name is Donald; for some reason, people used to call him Ronald [=McDonald=] and DonaldDuck throughout his childhood. Which is odd, since Donald is actually a very common first name. ** This troper remembers many years ago at summer camp there was a kid named Donald, unfortunately for him, his last name... was Duff. * This Troper, while the name might not be entirely embarrassing, has a Highly Irritating First Name, in that it is the most popular girl's name for her region, and she's not especially popular, so it's rather

confusing to hear someone yell it in the hallway at school and it not be her. I have no idea how to get anyone to call me anything else, unfortunately. * My parents named me Angela. I /loathe/ the way it sounds, to the point of literally cringing whenever someone says it. Though there was a time in my life I almost tolerated it, when I was playing Silent Hill 2, which inspired me to try and convince people to pronounce it 'Ayn-Gel-Uh', until I decided it sounded worse than the way I already said it. It gets worse when people abbreviate it to 'Angel' which just feels awkward, and going by 'Angie' leads people to sing Angie by the Rolling Stones to me...Though I will admit that I like when my friends and brothers call me 'Ang'. HOWEVER I still plan to swap my first and middle names when I'm old enough, so I will then be known as Jean. * My name is Gray. I thought it was bad when people called me "Purple," but now they just cut the crap and call me "Gay." * My full name is Kathleen. My nickname is Kate or Katie. Kathleen and Katie both feature in songs that usually get sung to me by older customers at the store where I work. Not to mention, there are at least six Kathleens in my family. This led to an amusing incident at the hair salon. I was there, as was my second cousin (daughter of my mother's cousin). We're both Kathleen and go by Kate or Katie. My mother called the shop to speak with me (a family friend works there), and about ten minutes later the other Katie's mother called her. Unfortunately the woman who answered the phone assumed it was my mother again. I got chewed out over a car problem for nearly ten minutes. The best part - we didn't realize the connection until later. Oh, and the other Katie's mother is named Kathy - it's short for Kathleen. * This Troper's full name is Rosaria. I love it but people either look at the spelling and pronounce it wrong (It's Roh-ZAH-ree-uh, emphasis on the ZAH) or hear me say it out loud and spell it wrong. * This troper knows a guy with an embarrassing last name--Sucks. The look on the MC's face during graduation was priceless. ("Next up we have Owen... Sucks?") * [[{{Ororo}} This troper's]] first name is "Riley." There isn't anything really wrong with it, I just don't like it that much. In spite of this, I've never gone by my (in my opinion, much better sounding) middle name, "Ashton." * [[{{VF1SValkyrie}} This troper]] has a really odd situation with first names. All the males in my family have the first name of Richard, while we all go by our middle names. I constantly have to tell people to call me by my middle name. Also, I'd rather not be called [[FreudWasRight Dick]]. * [[StarlitOcean This troper]] is fine with "Chris", but loathes "Christopher" for no explainable reason and will not answer to it. * The reason [[{{Kazokuhouou}} this troper]] has her first name was because she was supposed to be named after her great-grandmother Olive, but the great-grandmother HATED her name to the point of threatening to haunt her mother if the troper was named that. Hence, a compromise: a similar name, but different enough not to be embarassing. Hence, Olivia. * This troper's mother was going through a Feeling Her Roots phase

when she had her two children, and thus dubbed us "Sebastian" and "Katrine" (pronounced KAH-trin. Yes, she spelled it wrong). My brother goes by his middle name, while this troper stubbornly insists on trying to get people to say her name properly, as she utterly loathes being called "Kat". Thusfar, I've been largely unsuccessful. * Averted with this troper, fortunately. She's female and has the nice name of [=MacKenzie=]. If she'd been a boy, her name would have been ''[=McLeod=]'' (pronouced "[=McLoud=]"). ** It's spelled [=McLeod=]. *** Thank you. * This tropers name is not embaressing, but it is strange, and for those curious it's Grant. When he looked it up, he only found 5 or 6 people, all basketball players for some reason. Which I am also terrible at, which makes it even stranger. I got it because my dad wanted to name him after his grandfather, who was Gordon, but decided to put a variation on it because someone, I think my mom, didn't like it. * This troper's name (Hayley) isn't embarassing as such, it just gets a bit tiresome when no-one knows how to spell it; unfortunately though, I have no middle name for me to go by as an alternative. The only person I have known to use her middle name used it for practical reasons; if she hadn't, she and her husband would have been Gwyn and Gwynneth to friends. * This Troper was going to be named Echo Forrester, or Christine Noel. The first one was a combo of fun word/family name, and the second one was for the fact I have a December birthday. My parents settled on an equally annoying first name Kyrie. Which gets mispronounced every single first day of class, and often more days than that. It was really bad when I was in middle school [[{{bifauxnen}} and was a little bit of an unwanted lady killer]]. It's also the latin word for God. Why did they pick this out? They liked 80s music. I also have two siblings with weird names, and two siblings with really bland names. Whenever my sister or I get fast food, we lie about our names. She goes by Kim, and I go by Sky. * This troper had the unbelievably bad luck to have a four-letter name, two letters of which he has difficulty pronouncing due to a heavy New Brunswick accent. His middle name, Nicholas, seems downright archaic in modern society. Shortening that to Nick seemed to be the best, if not particularly good, option ... well, up until he starts playing {{Left 4 Dead}} 2. Yay ... needless to say, this is a point of contention with family. * This troper's cousin went to high school with a girl whose first name was Silvery Blue. She just went by Blue. * This Troper has a classmate that goes by his middle name, Colten. His first name is Briar. * My real name, as in the name my parents gave me, the name on my birth certificate, is Stevie. I'm a guy. I'm not embarassed, but professionally I go by Steven because it seems to make things go more smoothly. * This troper has a friend who didn't like his birth name, got it changed, and STILL likes to go by his last name, Bolster. This amused me to no end when I found out that Bolsters were pillows.

* This troper knows of an elementary student whom a teacher friend of mine teaches. His name is James. [[ItIsPronouncedTroPAY It's pronounced, "Jah-mez."]] * This troper prefers to go by his middle name, Lyzander. Most people just use "Zander." * Rhiannon isn't really a terrible name just a bit annoying to have to spell out for people and is a bit bleh, I also can't go by my middle name because my middle name is Foster. I always wished my mother had given me an actual name for a middle name. * Although it's not as bad as some of the other examples on this page, this troper's first name is Taylor. I'm a guy, and the only other Taylor I know personally is a girl. And I can't go by my middle name because it's the equally embarrassing Delancey. * This troper plans on changing her first name as soon as she can find a job. Everyone's first assumption when they hear my name is a certain zip code and/or a certain TV show about a certain zip code. (It does not help that my parents had financial aspirations behind both my sister's name and my own name, however indirect they are.) As much as I love all things geeky, [[BerserkButton do not even think]] of invoking StarTrekTheNextGeneration on me simply because I don't care for the series or the characters, for that matter. I've been planning on changing my first name since I was in preschool, which just goes to show how much I really, really hate my first name and the only reason I hadn't done so earlier in life (say, after high school graduation) was to not explain to my parents why my college diploma didn't have my birth name printed on it. * This is gonna need some explanation. [[Tropers/CaptainPlanette This troper]] is an American living in the UK going to an international school. I've got a Swedish classmate whose name is 'Fanny.' Funny enough for the American, but even worse in the UK. Normally not a problem, seeing as most people in this international school don't speak English as a first language, and if they do, they're from America, where 'fanny' doesn't have quite as bad a connotation. When Fanny applied to UK universities, she decided to switch around her first and middle names so that she was Charlotte on the application forms. * My aunt was named "Nympha". * This tropers first name is Scott, which is less embarassing than annoying. Not only is Scott the most boring name since Bob, but I take phone calls for a living, so I'm constantly having to hear 'Beam me up, Scotty' when I answer the phone at work. My friends have learned the hard way to not do this, or that I don't even reply to Scotty. * This troper has the name "Shayla". It's an excellent name, I'd like to name my daughter it. Quite rare though; I've never met someone else in real life with that name. This troper however is both a {{Transsexual}} FTM and androgynous, plus the name has caused him troubles (mispronunciations and such). * When I first went to college, I noticed that a number of people in my year had rather odd names. I was relaying this fact to a friend of mine, which went basically like the conversation from ''{{Friends}}'' on the main page. ->'''Me:''' So there's this girl named Absaline...

->'''My friend:''' Absaline? That sounds like something you use to scrub the floor. She didn't seem very comfotable with her name herself. There was also another girl who wasn't too fond of her name, but I don't even know how to spell it. * My first name is Gabrielle. I hate it because teachers would always call me "Gabriel" even though my name wasn't cut off on the roster. I go by Gabi now, but some people never learn. I also have a sister named Lexus, Lexi for short, and she always gets called "Alexis". Sometimes we just want to scream, "IT'S LEXUS, LIKE THE CAR! NOT ALEXIS!!" Her name could also count as an AwesomeMcCoolname, because she's named after a car. * Shannon Lindsay is a fine pair of names to give your daughter, this troper will not deny that fact. His parents, however, didn't name either of their daughters this. * Note for parents-to-be: if you name your daughter Catherine and shorten it to Cate, you are setting her up for a lifetime of misspelled everything. Also please realize that Cate rhymes with more words than you could have ever imagined, and there WILL be some elementary school teacher who thinks it's funny to mention said rhymes constantly. This Troper likes her name, but it does come with some liabilities. * This troper's real name is Yvette. The only people who use her real name to address her are her father, and substitute teachers. The latter, by the way, never, ever, EVAAAR fail to mispronounce it. She is known by everyone else in the entire world as Evie. (This troper has to admit, though, it's not much better.) * This mixed-nationality troper's first name is Andrea. Which is fine in many countries (including Argentina where she was born), but caused a lot of trouble for her as a Greek national since there it's considered an exclusively male name. It led to an amusing situation where she was called up for compulsory military service when she turned eighteen and had to spend the whole summer proving her gender to avoid an arrest warrant for draft evasion. (Greek bureaucracy - oy vey.) To add insult to injury, she also has an EmbarrassingMiddleName that resoundingly fails the Senator/Stripper test. ... Her parents were obviously smoking crack. * This troper knew a girl named "Honey". No, seriously. Honey. Her first name was Honey. That was given to her to by parents who actually exist. I was dumbfounded. She refuses to be called Honey by anyone and insists people call her "Kelly". I don't know why, either. It's not her middle name or anything. She probably decided that she could make up her own name since it's too stupid to be called Honey. * Not first name, but last name. It's what I'd like to call "The grass joke". Because people say I should name my child Grass so his/her name would be Grasshopper, and they all think that's just '''''[[BerserkButton SO FUCKING HILARIOUS, HAHAHA.]]''''' * This troper's name is Bonnie. Enough said. ** "My Bonnie lies over the ocean, my Bonnie lies over the sea..." Yeah, I can see how that could be annoying. * When [[{{Tropers/Penzy}} This troper]]'s class started reading TheOutsiders, our Honors English teacher was telling us about how the

sixties and such were strange times. Then she told us the story of a certain child her Mother's friend who worked as a nurse remembered. The nurse handed this new Mom her baby. The mother looked at her hospital wrist band thing, and gasped. "They named my baby for me! Gonorrhea, what a beautiful name!" The sad thing is that this kid went (or is still going) through life with the name Gonorrhea. * I'll be kind to myself and assume that having any of the pretty names my mom had originally planned for me would grow to be old hat... because no matter how many people say they like the name Brooke, I'm sick enough of it that I would change it in a split second. I currently go by an uncommon diminutive of my common-as-dirt middle name when I'm online. * This tropette, despite being a tomboy, hates her more-commonly male name of Cameron. So, she's always gone by the more feminine nickname of Cammi. She's been asked before by a teacher why she goes by the girlier one instead of her given name. * This troper knows a girl named Joonyper, this troper thinks it's awesome and would love to named that if he were female. --> '''Me''' I dunno, I like it, I guess. * Subverted with this troper's older brother. He's called Anuk, a name that is usually spelled "Anouk" and that is exclusively a female name. He's not embarassed by it at all. However, whenever I start talking about him, people automatically assume I'm talking about a girl, which leads to a lot of snickering on my part. ---Go back to [[EmbarrassingFirstName E. First Name]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EmbarrassingMiddleName * In France, most people have ''two'' middle names, which halves the chance of ''not'' having at least one embarrassing one. Fortunately they almost only appear on state I.D. cards and Tax receipts. ** [[{{@/Medinoc}} This troper]]'s middle names are his grandfathers' first names (a quite common practice), so while not ridiculous, they sound a bit archac. ** Mine too. Also one means something in english to a degree that it has to come second or it implies a condition to the other. ** This troper doesn't have a middle name, something she's eternally grateful for, especially after learning her mother's middle names. Archaic doesn't even begin to describe it. ** Actually, French middle names are most of the time the names of grandparents or other older relatives, so archaism is more or less a given. This drive-by editor deems herself very lucky she ended up with Marie, probably the one name never to have gone out of fashion in two thousand years. ** This Troper is German but got named after the French tradition due to a francophile mother. Both middle names are embarrassing as hell, but the second one is worse - Clothilde. Klo, in German, means toilet... you figure out why she never mentioned the name to anyone until she was well over 20. Incidentally, her first middle name is a

name which DOESN'T EXIST - her mother took her grandfather's francophone name and "feminized" it in a way not usually done. ** This Tropette's middle names are named after her grandfathers. One of them is a girlier version the other one...not so much. * This troper was friends once with a boy who's middlename was ''Virginia''. [[spoiler: Also given the fact his last name was Carson and he lived in ''Carson City'' he equally hated his last name. At least his first name, Zachariah, while archaic, could be spun into a normal name.]] Poor guy just had an overall horrible name. (According to him.) * This troper had moved to a new school, and immediately got ridiculed for having the middle name "Nadine". It turns out they had a horrible, cruel, and awkward teacher with the first name Nadine. After half of the year, my new best friend heard what was going on and declared war on anyone who called me like that when she was near. This turned into her developing a berserk button over it. I thought it was just because I was her friend, but it turns out that she had a very close aunt with the name Nadine, that had passed away. Were still very close. * It seems that "J" names ("James," "Jacob," "Jean," and "Jane," for example) are getting more and more common to use as a middle name, and there are a lot of J initials (RJ, TJ, CJ, DJ, etc.) This isn't really a problem unless you give the child a first name beginning with B (and think of how many common names there are that begin with B- Brian, Brad, Brandon, Brittany, Brooke- just to name a few) This turns their initials into a very vulgar slang term. Add to that the fact that This Troper has a last name that begins with S, which just adds the effect of pluralizing it. * A friend of this tropers mother has a name that used to mean 'beautiful woman'. Unfortunately, through linguistic evolution it ended up meaning 'whore' in modern speech, to the point that she no longer uses it. * This troper's grandfather had his mother's maiden name as his middle name: Woodhouse. * This troper knows of a couple where the gentlemans name is Grieve and the ladys name is Whalen. She has expressed a desire to hyphenate at some point. Were waiting with bated breath to see [[PunnyName Whalen-Grieve]] on the back of her jersey. ** In a similar vein, this troper knew a couple whose surnames were ''Wright'' and ''Pratt''. * This troper's mother once had a married name that gave her the highly embarrassing initials of APE. She (understandably) used to hate having anything monogrammed. * [[@/RedRajah This Troper]] is fine in having a hyphenated last name that reminds folks of the band "White Zombie". Now, if she could convince the in-laws to respect and actually USE it... * This troper, she knew someone's mother (spelling changed to protect the innocent); she married into the Cane family, her full name becoming Penny Candy Cane. ** Wait, her parents named her Penny Candy? ** [[RumbleRoses Candy Cane?]] ** This troper knows someone who married into the Christmas family, and now goes by (first name removed) Merry Christmas.

*** So, that person decided to [[IncrediblyLamePun Marry Christmas]]? * This troper's middle name is Hannah, which compared to her [[EmbarrassingFirstName first name]] is pretty tame. * [[{{@/Rogue 7}} This Troper]] is named for his two grandfathersDaniel on his mother's side and Carey (for his grandfather's middle name) on his father's. He's just glad that they decided not to saddle him with his Grandfather's first name. Hallam isn't exaclty common these days. * This troper's middle name is "Valentin", which leads to some rather obvious and embarassing punnery. * This troper's middle name is not embarrassing because it's funny; it's actually pretty normal, if a bit old-fashioned. She just loathes it. (Mainly because it looks dumb written down.) * This troper went to middle school and high school with a girl whose middle name was Sweetin. Were her parents major ''Full House'' fans? ** Said troper also used to baby-sit three kids (two boys and one girl) who all had the middle name Warren. * This Troper has the middle name of Constantine. It's not that I'm embarresed by the name, it's that I have trouble living up to it. * [[{{@/Meems}}This Troper's]] middle name is Kane. This troper is ''female''. Subverted in that she doesn't find it particularly embarassing, though. * [[@/ZanderSchubert This troper]] knew someone from high school whose last name was Dohnt. Basically, we assumed that using the FullNameUltimatum against him would be, well, worse. * In a strange shift, [[@/ThirtyTwoFootsteps this troper]] is just fine with his middle name. But his father hates it, because said troper's middle name is the father's first name. And his father always hated that name. While the troper in question doesn't mind his name at all, he still doesn't understand why his father gave him a name that his father found embarassing. ** On the flip side, his mother was given a name that meant "beautiful and happy." Unfortunately, the middle name, [[HaveAGayOldTime "Gay", is used much differently today.]] * [[@/MasterTMO I]] don't mind my middle name, but I never advertised it in high school due to having the initials E.T. I had more than enough dealing with Extra-Terrestrial jokes and didn't want to add Christmas jokes onto the pile. ** [[{{@/Raekuul}} This Troper]] has the given name of Timothy Allen Bell, but generally goes by Tim. Heaven help anyone that [[BerserkButton combines the two...]] ** [[@/MasterTMO First troper]] again. We had no problems naming our son when he was born, simply taking the two unused names from his grandfathers (one grandfather uses his middle name as his public name). After many years of conversation, we still haven't come up with a girl's name we like. If we attempted to pull the same naming trick, the poor girl would be Sue Lou (Sulu). Even worse is that her initials would SLT, and there is no way my girl is going to be nicknamed 'Slut'. * [[{{@/WVI}} Morton]]. I don't know what's so wrong with it, other than if you remove the T, but people love snickering at it for some reason.

** They probably think it's an geezer name. * [[{{@/Nomic}} This troper]] is somewhat embarassed by his middle name. The K stands for Kristian. He also hates his last name because nobody seems to be able to write, let alone pronounce, it correctly. [[BerserkButton It has two different letters! Surely it can't be that hard!]] * [[{{@/Leone}} This troper]] dated a guy whose middle named was Pleasance. He kept insisting he liked it, but finally his sister snickered at it and he just ''snapped''. * This troper's mother not only give her a first name [[HollywoodSpelling that needs at least two spellings before people begins to catch it]], she topped it by "honoring" one of her favorite artists by giving the troper the middle name of "Daly". With ''[[SpellMyNameWithAnS that]]'' [[SpellMyNameWithAnS spelling]]. Her mother blames the lady in the register. Interestingly, the paternal side had the habit of calling people by the middle names since they used the first name slot for the embarrassing ones, but since this troper and her sister middle names are ''more'' embarrassing than their [[TroperTales/MyNameIsNotDurwood already awkward and similarly sounding first names]] they are even denied that relief. * This troper's grandmother is German and gave her two youngest daughters names from Wagner's opera. This troper's aunt has the middle name Seiglinde, which isn't so bad, but her younger sister's (my mom's) middle name is ''Brunhilde''. This troper's mother HATES it. * Friend of mine has the highly unfortunate initials of STD. * This troper's names (Clifford John Leslie) are from his greatgrandfather, grandfather, and other grandfather, respectively. However, his parents decided when he was very young to call him by the second of his three personal names (instead of the more common calling someone by their first given name). Needless to say this has caused much confusion. Not only are his friends always surprised to find out, but it means that whenever he is required to put his full legal name on an application or form there's an inevitable "Clifford Rodger?" followed by a long pause before he realises it's referring to him. It's not so much that the name is embarrassing, but that it's one he consistently fails to associate himself with. * [[@/FreezairForALimitedTime This troper's]] middle name isn't embarrassing--just inconvenient. Her middle name is "Dee," an inheritance from her grandmother that's pronounced exactly like it looks. ''Everyone'' she ''ever'' mentions this fact to, including officials of some variety, then say some variant of: "No, no. Your ''full'' middle name." ARRRRRG. Funnily enough, her mother (the one from whose mother she inherited the name) has the middle name of Kay. You'd think she'd had enough problems herself... ** This troper's middle name is Kay. She understands exactly what you're describing. * This troper's middle name isn't embarrassing (it's Justin) noooooo, this troper has a far WORSE fate. My last name is Hornemann, and it's pronounced incorrectly by everyone who hasn't heard me pronounce it before. And no it's not an especially {{Meaningful Name}}. ** I also went to school with a guy whose last name was Gaylord. *** And then there was poor, poor Mr. Queer.

*** This troper's actually seen Gaylord used as a first name in movies twice, pronounced something like "GAY-lehrd". *** Gaylord Perry played major-league baseball with various teams for twenty years. *** This troper went to school with someone whose surname was pronounced Manmeat. Poor guy. *** This troper knew a guy who's surname was Rider, which wouldn't be that bad if he didn't go by Dick. * This troper's middle name is Blue. Yes, the color. No, my parents are not hippies. ** Oh my god. [[@/QueenOfTheBifauxnen This troper's]] middle names are Blue Sky, and she always, always gets asked on mentioning it whether her mother was a hippy. (She was a biker). She now uses 'Miss Bluesky' as her username on most sites. It doesn't help that [[ButchLesbian her]] first name is also something quite girly ('Amelia'). *** I like the name [[PokemonSpecial Blue]]. * This Davinston Montgomery Troper. * This troper has four names, the last two of which are Cordingley Crisp. Cordingley is the surname of his mother, Crisp his father (they're married, she just didn't change her last name for reasons of practicality). The ''number'' of people who thought Cordingley was his middle name that his parents had just conjured out of thin air... * When this troper name is spelled, it sounds like a character from some hispanic soap opera... * This troper had three middle names as a child - as the third middle name was her mother's maiden name, she dropped it along with her own upon marriage. Usually she used the middle middle name as her middle name/initial - though now that she has only two middle names, she uses the first one instead. Unfortunately, troperette has an embarrassing ''first'' name that remains unchanged only by virtue of not having come up with something to replace it with yet. It's unnicknamable, and she can't go by either of her middle names (Harriet and Mercedes, both quite lovely, really), because they're the names of her grandmothers and choosing one would be tantamount to choosing one grandma over the other. Dammit. * This troper's ''last'' name is the problem, as he has yet to meet a person in his eighteen years of existance that pronounced it correctly on the first try, and only one who bothered to remember how to properly say it when this troper corrected him (for the record, this troper's last name is Brokos, pronounced BRO-kiss, ''not'' bro-KOSE). His middle name is actually something of a noble tradition: his maternal grandfather never had any sons, so this troper and his siblings all have the middle name Blake to honor him. ** This troper knows how you feel about everyone mispronouncing your surname: his is Dylak. Anyone who correctly read that as dill-ack, and not die-lack is either one of his relatives or an IRL friend. On a related note, anyone who thinks he's missing a 'c' is an idiot for thinking he doesn't know how to spell his own name correctly. *** Why wouldn't you initially assume it wasn't dill-ack? It is one letter away from Dylan, and nobody calls him Bob Die-lann... *** You'd be surprised how many people don't notice that fact. **** This troper's last name is Bolland. Unfortunately, people believe

otherwise and pronounce it as BO-land. Cue "Boland-Ball" jokes IT'S HOLLAND WITH A GODDAMND B INSTEAD OF AN H.I also dislike my middle name, though not embarrassing, because it's my granddad's name.I hated my granddad.It's Robert BTW.Anyone who saw me and reads "Oor Wullie" comics will see the joke. **** This Troper has the same problem, having the last name Coughlin. It's pronounced "COG-lin", not "COUGH-lin." Every time I'm on radio or TV for something-or-other, the announcer pronounces it incorrectly. I had a maths teacher who pronounced it wrongly the ENTIRE YEAR. My middle name's quite nice, though. It's Katherine. * When this troper discovered the embarassing middle names of one of his classmates, said classmate pinned him to a wall and told him never to tell anybody. [[spoiler:Victor Tarquin]] * This troper knows a girl whose middle name is "Murphy". Her father calls her "Murph". * This troper's boyfriend knows a girl whose name is Candy, who married a man with the surname Cane... and as if this weren't enough, the couple moved into a house on Sugartown Lane. They are rarely able to acquire magazine subscriptions. * Because we can never have enough Truth in TV, my younger brother was nearly given the middle name of Down. Granted, this is unusual, but not terribly embarrassing. However, when this is combined with his first name of Markham, and his last name of Price, Mark Down Price becomes eminently mockable. * This troper's friend has the very unfortunate name of Adam Isaac David Seabury. (He has, however, saved himself from any nasty jokes by simply neglecting to tell pretty much anyone his full name.) * [[@/BooBooBob This Troper]]'s name is Robert Joseph. My mother is from the South. Do the math. * While this troper doesn't find her middle name (Claire) particularly embarrassing (she finds it pretty, and it allows her to have her first two initials as JC), she gets somewhat embarrassed/self-conscious when people find out about it and seem amazed she has such a nice middle name...she hates being teased. Just for the record, she was named for her father's best friend growing up, or something like that. ** Her brother, on the other hand, revels in his middle name (Aime), as it means love in French...so he can officially, truthfully say "my middle name is love!" (Yes, he knows it's cheesy, and yes he's a dork; he doesn't care). It was our paternal grandfather's name, who neither of us got to meet as he died when our father was in his teens. * My brother-in-law's middle name is Eugene. He refuses to admit it, so I helpfully fill people in whenever the subject comes up. ** Yeah, same here for me. I never used to mind when I was younger, but now I can't help but cringe when I hear it. The Eugene from HeyArnold doesn't help. ** The above troper sounds EXACTLY like [[{{@/InvaderTAK}} me]]. * High school friend's middle name is Wonderland. Yes, her first name is Alysin. Cruel hippy parents. * [[{{@/Crion87}} This troper]]'s middle name is Bennett. That's a frickin' LAST name! (Though according to this...[[http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Bennett]] I could have copped Benedict (hopefully not as in ''that''

[[{{TheAmericanRevolution}} Benedict]]) as an embarrassing middle name, but "Bennett" is IMO a bit odd...vaguely culturally suave in the right company, but to most it [[{{MistakenForGay}} sounds a bit fruity]]... * [[{{@/Dialga X}} This troper]] knows someone whose initals spelled out A.S.S. Damned parents. * This troper's middle name is Danielle. This is a perfectly good female name. Unfortunately, primary school kids don't know this, and I was "Daniel" for several years. It didn't help that I was named for my grandfather, who ''is'' Daniel. * This troper's brother's middle name is Sheldon. For some reason no one under the age of forty can avoid snickering when they find this out. ** Tell him he need not worry. [[TheBigBangTheory It's getting cooler!]] * This troper's middle name- Dundalkaforth. Most of the family have places for middle names- my brothers are Inverbervie (a small village in Scotland) & Edinburgh. * This troper has a friend whose middle name, I kid you not, is 'Vinkley''. He's also the fourth to be named the same in his family. When they read his full name out during Graduation- Name Vinkley Name the fourth- many snickers were heard. * This troper isn't sure if it counts, but his ''last'' name causes him no end of grief. Not because it's embarassing, but because people constantly mispronounce it, most notably vocalizing the "E" at the end, '''which, for the last bloody time, is supposed to be silent!''' ** Does that name happen to be "Howe"? That happens to this troper often and has ended up becoming a nickname. * [[@/GalenDev This Troper]]'s grandfather had the unfortunate name of Frank Allen Goldstucker (look at the initials to see why it's unfortunate). Is it any surprise that he changed it to Frank Galen? * {{@/Emperordaein}}: This troper's middle name is Robin. Which doesn't sound so bad until you know that my first name is Christopher. [[WinnieThePooh Christopher Robin]]. ** No way! This troper's younger brother was almost a Christopher Robin! * This troper's middle name is Rosemarie, although it's more of a subversion, since she likes it. * This troper's middle name is "Cecil" after is grandpa. Back in High School, he liked to never hear the end of it when the bus got the impression that it was a girls name. The DS remake of FinalFantasyIV has provided this troper with a pronunciation that can remedy the situation. * This troper's middle name is only embarrassing for its circumstances, and because she's had at least ten different friends with the same middle name (Lynn). What's really bad for her is that a nurse named her. Not her parents, or anyone significant, but some random lady working in the hospital. * A rare inversion: I was lucky enough to have the middle name of Mercedes, since my legal first name is Jack and my dad thought it was a good name for a private eye... * Andrea Desiree. Make a stripper joke and I kill you slow.

* This troper's middle name is Register. When some people in his class found out, they literally did not believe him. He likes it though, [[TropeIsMyMiddleName especially when signing up for classes]]. * Chinese names normally come in three parts, which led to this troper's friend having the initials "SEX". I have no idea what his parents were thinking. * One of my middle names (Gwendolen) was horrifically embarrasing as a child and early in my teen years because it's so old fashioned and it's a street name around here. I'm unlikely to come around to my surname though. * Ntando. There's an invisible 'U' at the beginning. What was worse, back in primary school I thought it was Nintando. * Subverted by [[@/CaptainWow this troper]], in that he chose the middle name (Aquinas, for those who are interested) ''himself''. Mainly chosen because it [[RuleOfCool sounds cool]] and also because it makes his initials "CAB". * This troper hates her last name because nobody can spell it, hates her middle name EVEN MORE because... well. Scottish lakemonster, 'nuff said. She's coming around to her first name, thanks to [[CorpseBride Tim Burton]]. * Subverted: My friend's middle name is Salvatore. This is THE COOLEST middle name ever. * If you put the initials of This Troper's middle names together, you get MU. As in what cows say. Yeah. She usually just uses the M, to spell AMO. (Ammo). ** This troper's initials spell out AMO, too. Now if she could just get her Korean students and coworkers to pronounce her first name right, she'd be fine. * This tropers middle name is one probably no person had as first name in the last 700 years (at least in it's full form) and is the name of a saint, which makes it even worse (he's atheist). His third name (second middle name?) is the name of his father which is not much better. * [[{{@/Mysterynovelist}} This troper's]] middle name was ''supposed'' to be her first name, but considering it was Ghanian and very hard (even for ''this troper'') to pronounce, her parents gave her an English name to use as her first name. I (switching to first person now) was never really bothered by my middle name (only by the fact I couldn't--and ''still'' can't-- write, spell, or say it properly) until around third grade, when a bunch of guys at my table in the classroom asked me what my middle name was. To the best of my ability, I told them and they burst out laughing; now, whenever someone asks me what my middle name is, I either start cursing/yelling/chiding/ignoring them (varies by person) or tell them I don't have one. Supposedly my middle name means 'Thursday', the day I was born. * This troper knows a girl who is embarrassed by her completely normal middle name: Andrea. It's a complicated situation. * Grace. Aside from being named after her ancient grandmother who she never met (and was apparently not a fun person to be around), [[{{@/Magnezone}} this Troper]] is not in the least bit graceful. * Subverted: This troper's middle name, Blaine, is often cited as

being totally badass. ** Same here. Quite a few friends think this troper's middle name, Wilhelmine (pronounced "Will-AH-meen-ah") is really cool, but it's too long for her to use regularly. It actually was my great-grandma's ''first'' name, and she generally went by "Minnie". * This troper has a friend with the middle name "Irene". Not too embarrassing, until you remember that both her first ''and'' last names begin with "T", and then realize what her [[AccidentalInnuendo initials would spell out]]. * This troper had a teacher who married into the name Heather Leigh Heatherly. * This troper once knew a woman at her church named Gaye Freake. She later married and became Gaye King. On another note, the surname 'Freake' is very popular in Newfoundland, causing her Mom (a born and raised Newfie) to quip "There's a loy of Freakes in Newfoundland!" ** Maybe it's a different part of the province where the last name 'Freake' is common, as I've never encountered anyone with it. However, I ''can'' vouch for that last part. * This troper has a neighbor whose married name is Carol Carole. * This troper heard what might be an urban ledgend about a a Candy Barr, nee Kane. Or was it the other way around? * There was a teacher from this troper's school whose name became Jenna Raider when she married. * This tropers father is Japanese, so all of our family has a Japanese middle name. Cool in theory, but I got stuck with 'Tsuyoshi' which got me called 'Hunter Sushi X' at my baptism, and just sounds dumb. * Inverted at my school. Many, many kids dislike their first name and go by their middle name. Oddest example is a kid who goes by Gunnar. His first name is Joe. ** Odd? If my middle name sounded like gunner I'd use it. * [[Contributors/OmegaMetroid This troper]]'s middle name is Clint... as in Clint Eastwood. * This Troper plans on giving all her male children feminine middle names (Jayne, Mariam, Lindsay, Ashley, the like) ** I hope you plan on letting your kids take karate or else they'll get beat up on the playground. ** Ashley is a unisex name. Where do you think all those guys named Ash came from? In fact, pretty much all names ending in a "lee" sound were men's names at one point. * This troper can never remember how to spell her middle name. Every time she'll ask her mother or father, she forgets the very next day. It's pathetic, really, in the same troper's opinion. * This Troper doesn't have an ''embarrassing'' middle name, but she does have an extremely plain one. (It's "Ann", I plan on changing it to "rose" at some point) * This troper's middle name is Mavis. Mavis is an archaic name. This troper is a teenager. * Can't compare with any of the above--[[MutantRancor this troper's]] name is so common that when people find out my middle name, they wonder why I never told them before. Mostly because YouNeverAsked. I'm Jacob Thomas. Note that Jacob has been the number one most popular boys' name in America for about the last twenty-five years and Thomas

is one of those names that never goes out of style (and gets used fairly often). At least my last name is fairly uncommon. There aren't a whole lot of people named E------- in America. Better not give you TOO much information.... ** Oh, by the way, I compliment the above (and maybe soon below) tropers on their courage in telling us their [[EmbarrassingMiddleName embarrassing middle names.]] * [[@/NotSoBadassLongcoat This troper's]] middle name is, surprisingly, the same as first name of his father's boss at the time said troper was born. The "boss" in question was in fact the country's leader at the time, responsible for the infamous "Martial Law" a couple of years earlier. ** So you're basically named after a dictator? Ouch. * This troper knows of a dude who has Dolphin as his middle name. Bonus points for AddedAlliterativeAppeal with his first name, but still...Dolphin. * This troper's intials make an inversion. WITHOUT his middle initial, it becomes the local word for bra. * [[{{@/Smerf}} This]] troper was working retail a few years ago and asked to see a man's ID for his credit card. The poor fellow's middle name was "Sunshine" * This troper had a classmate shocked at discovering a female classmate had a middle name ("Marcela Slvia?"). * This troper knew a guy whose initials spelled out KKK. As in, Klu Klux Klan. Poor dude. * I've always been embarrassed of my middle name being "Benjamin." * This troper has a friend whose middle name is "Zenobia". Needless to say, she doesn't like it too much! * My middle name is 'Ai Ling' (in Chinese). It means 'love, the sound of tinkling jade'. Being a mostly EmotionlessGirl who does not believe in love does not help. * My middle name is Cole. That is a boys name. I am a girl. I got teased. End of story. Now it's a secret. * Not that I'm embarrassed of my Chinese heritage (although I am most certainly a shame to it, not being a big fan of Chinese food), but my middle name is Ta-wen. Which is apparently a bastardized form of ''Da''-wen, which is my Chinese name. I guess this is a subversion in that most people who find out about that name think it's pretty cool, but then, my ''last'' name is all that people have ever needed to make fun of me (because it fits ''stupidly'' well into "Matthew had a [LAST NAME]" sung to "Mary Had A Little Lamb," a nursery rhyme I will hate forevermore). * This troper's middle name is Clair. I'm a guy. No, not Clair as in Clarence, and yet I'm supposedly named for my adoptive paternal grand''father''. ** Also, at some point, I'd like to invert this by changing my name to [[PunnyName Christopher Blaine Bacon]]. * This female troper's middle name is Joseph. I'm named after my ''aunt''. * This troper's middle initial is E, and that's all anyone ever gets out of her. If pressed, she tells them it stands for Embarrassing. (It's not that it's a horrible name by itself, it just doesn't suit

her at ''all.'') * [[{{@/Ktosza}} This troper]]'s mother's middle name is "Larysa". Even through this troper believes it to be really unique and pretty, her mother begs to differ and completely hates it. She also believes that everybody who says "nice name" upon learning it makes fun of her. * This Troper's middle name is Staples. She shares it with her sisterit's her mom's maiden name. ** Are you a fan of CSLewis? * This troper has not an embarrassing middle name, but an embarrassing ''last'' name. And really, it beats every other name listed here. In my language, my last name literally means "chick" (as in the offspring of hens). But it's ''far'' more used as an informal term for... penis. * This troper took a middle name which he would have found very embarrassing during his formative years (Gtrik), because there has been one in every generation of his family since 1610, but the tradition skipped his grandfather and father, and was in danger of vanishing. * [[{{@/cheeseypoofs}} This troper]] has a particularly interesting case. [[MyBelovedSmother Her mother]] decided that it would be a good idea to pass down her maiden name by making it her daughter's middle name. This wouldn't be so bad if her maiden name wasn't "Pierobon". And it's even worse since her first name '''rhymes with it''' if you add an "a" to the end of her middle name.[[BerserkButton It pisses her off.]] And ''then'' her mother complains [[AngstDissonance because her middle name is Joann.]] WTF? [[{{Hypocrite}} Hypocritical much]]? * This troper has the middle name of "Patricia". On those class lists, my middle name is shortened to "Patric", so my friends have sometimes called me "Patrick". * [[@/KamuiValentine This troper]] has a horrifically embarrassing middle name. YourMilageMayVary since everyone she tells it to loves it but to said troper it's a BerserkButton. The middle name in question? [[spoiler:Irene.]] Since her middle name is horrific and her first name is constantly misspelled she will be going by her {{Badass}} last name in college. * This troper's middle name is P. To clarify, that's "P."; not short for Peter, Paul, Pea, or Priyadarshan, and not capital P. P dot. * [[spoiler:Rudolph. Just Rudolph]]. Thanks Mom and Dad, but did you really have to give me that name? * This troper's name is archaic and she doesn't like is, but it's not emberassing at all. The problem is her last name, ''Kalashnikov''. But she feels sorry for her cousins with the same same surname. The girl's full name is "Tom Claudette Kalashnikov". yes, a girl, ''Tom'' - and she still insists to be called that, and not by the other two names. Her brother has a more standard first name, but his full name is still "Michael September Kalashnikov". ** Also, this troper a pair of twins with a weird mother who named them "Ginger Tea" and "Honey Candy". The "Tea" part was pronounced as "Te-ah", but it doesn't really help. The father recently made the mother agree to rename them as long as it sounds close enough, but Ginger is probably not too worried since she chose the name "Ginny" as a tribute to Harry Potter, and "Tea" written differently like the girl from Yu-Gi-Oh. Honey Candy, on the other hand, already decided on

Hannah, but from some reason she thinks that Candy and Kendy and anything that sounds close enough to satisfy her mother also sounds like a porn star name, so that will probably become a very objective case of emberassing middle name. * This troper's real first and middle name are truly Embarrassing Middle Names when they are put together, as they are archaic, rare, have the same inflections and -rhyme.* Averted for this trooper. I have a first name and a last name that both start with a Z, which I occasionally get picked on for. Luckilly, my middle name doesn't, otherwise it would be ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin * There was a kid in my school whose middle name was "Lidl" (as in the supermarket). I also knew a boy who had the middle names "Erinn Sunshine" and another whose middle name was "Rainbow". I wonder about these people's parents sometimes.. * Once upon a time, I worked in a call center, so we got to know each other's names pretty well. One phone goon was a SesquipedalianSmith who was [[WhoNamesTheirKidDude named by hippies]], so it was not surprising that she shortened her first name. It did, however, result in... [[PunnyName Sunny Lane]]. * This troper sports the middle name Pearl. With no family tradition, she was saddled with a middle name which hadn't been popular for a good 80 years before she was born. She embraces it now, but found it painfully embarrassing as a kid. The one relief is that her mother intervened, because her father wanted to make it her first name. * This troper's sister's middle name is Henry, allegedly because that would have been her first name had she been a boy (it was also our great-grandfather's name). As far as I'm concerned, that [[EmbarrassingFirstName would have been even worse]]. * [[{{Tropers/Luna87}} This troper]] has two middle names (Morgan and Victoria). As a kid, I always hated Morgan, a fact which my [[{{Jerkass}} older brother]] exploited shamelessly. * This troper's middle name long embarrassed him, not because the name is intrinsically embarrassing, but because it was mocked by other children back when he was about age 8 or 9. However, years later, this troper's nephew was given that same middle name in tribute--which suddenly changed the name into a [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming Crowning Moment of Heartwarming]]. * Not me per se, but the main character of my story has the middle name of Tabitha, mean while on the other side of the spectrum, the lead female has the middle name of Maverick. * I've hidden my middle name for all of my life for three different reasons; when I was little it was because I didn't know how to spell it, when I got older it was embarassing, and now it's because I like the fact that it's a secret. I've started giving it out to people who I really trust, partially to use as a question to confirm their identities. This only ever comes into play online, though. Still a fun secret, though. * This troper has a friend called Donald Eugene (Last Name). His little sister is a [[{{Recess}} total tomboy whose middle name is Ashley]]. Joseph Robert is only amusing because A) He's Korean, and about 99% of the other Korean students have Korean middle names at our

school, and B) It really, really, really, REALLY doesn't suit him. There's also a girl at our school whose middle name is Young-Jee, which my advisory monitor said it sounded like a rapper's name to him. My own middle name isn't terribly embarrassing (Elizabeth), its just.... common as flutes in a band for a girls' middle name. An AMUSING middle name instance is this troper's friend's pint-sized little sister's middle name is ALSO Elizabeth, while her best friend's middle name is my first name, which I have to admit, I have never heard used as a middle name before. * My name is Cianne. The middle name is pronounced 'Cyan' and people often spell it like 'Cyan'. Uh, it gets rather embarrassing when you have friends saddled with middle names like Maggie or Jennifer. :\ I honestly have no idea whether Cianne is a made up name or not. Then again, my dad is a big Spawn fan, and he wanted to spell it like Cyan... * This troper's mother decided early on that she wanted her first child to have her father's name as a middle name, and was not discouraged from this when said child turned out to be a girl. It's not a common girl's name (or at least it was before modern parents started getting creative with names for their kids), but later on it turned out to have the side benefit of giving me an instant drag king name to use. * A classmate of this troper had the middle initial "Z", and somehow managed to hide what it stood for all the way through middle school and high school. It wasn't until the National Honor Society induction ceremony (where they call each inductee by full name) that we found out it was "Zosia". * This troper has the unfortunate middle name Robyn. Not too bad, really, but it leads to a lot of 'Boy Wonder' jokes, because nobody realizes it's spelled differently. * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper's]] middle name is Ruben. I don't like it very much. ^_^ * This troper's middle name isn't so much embarrassing as it is... annoying. My middle name is the same as my father's first name - which would be fine, "Kevin Richard" is an okay name, if not for the fact that I also look practically identical to my dad. We live in a small town, so my dad is pretty well known, and the endless comparisons to my dad really get on my nerves. It just really bugs me that people see me more as Richard's son than as Kevin. * This troper's middle name is "Micheal." Not the AwesomeMcCoolname "Michael," but a slight mispelling that changes the pronunciation to "Michelle." * This troper's middle name is Bosque. Yeah. I dunno. I think it means something in Spanish, but I've never really looked into it. In fact, I try not to think about it too much. ... -.* A friend of mine knows someone with the middle name "Spacecake". * If people ask me my middle name, I'll lampshade with this: --> [[spoiler: Some old red-necked southerner who knows nothing about modern politics decided to name me after a treasonous Confederate major...]] * La'Nita. *sputters unintelligibly* I hate my middle name. Sounds like something a [[MarySue Mary Sue]] on Fanfiction.net would have. I

don't know what my parents were thinking. * Subverted: This Troper has what many would consider to be an EmbarassingMiddleName [[spoiler: (It's Adair)]], and it is treated as much by everyone who finds out what it is (''"Your middle name is '''what'''?''). However, this troper actually likes the name, and is quite happy to have it as a middle name. * Inverted: This troper isn't embarassed by his name, and in fact his middle name is fairly regular. His first and last names, however... the first is a common name that has one single letter changed. That, unfortunately, causes people to frequently mispronounce it and try five different spellings before managing to get it right. The last name is worse, being (if I remember right) and Americanization of a Germanic name... or something. People ALSO have trouble getting it right. Throughout my ENTIRE school years from kindergarden to the end of college NOBODY could get both my first and last name right on the first try. Except one professor, upon which I found myself visibly shocked that he got them BOTH right the first time. * [[{{Tropers/Mymo}} This spanish troper]] has a pretty unusual name, Arturo (Arthur). The problem is with the embarrasing middle name [[spoiler: Ernesto]]. Since neither of both names are that unusual, the combination of both is totally unheard of. My combination of names make me appear as an english royal duke. * This troper's middle name is Adrian. No, really. I wouldn't mind as much as I do if it was spelled Adrienne, but it isn't. Plus, I absolutely ''hate'' the way it sounds. ** Subverted with her two surnames. This troper thinks they actually sound pretty cool, but most people don't feel that way, thinking that someone just stuck random syllables together. Not many people can spell or pronounce them correctly, even though it's actually pretty easy to do so. ---[=* snicker* =] Yeah, you really should go back to EmbarrassingMiddleName. ----

EmbarrassingSlide * This troper's friend once flipped through some old photo albums, and found a picture of her dad streaking across his college campus. * At this tropers school an classmate was tasked with showing animals that tend to live high up in the local cold mountains. So he made a slideshow of different birds and other mammals to show the next day. However, his friends knew the password to his computer, so they made some edits when he was not there looking. The end result was that we earned that Polar Bears, Penguins, and [[HardGay Razor Ramon]] all live 40 miles away from us.

EmbarrassingTattoo * [[JethroQWalrustitty No, I don't have one]], but I'm friends with a tattoo artist who has done his fair share of cover-up jobs, ranging

from ex-skinheads covering swastikas to previously fashionable Tribals being converted into something cooler. * One thing that has always bothered [[RedneckRocker me]] in movies, TV shows, etc., is that the person who has the tattoo often mentions that they were drunk at the time of the ink job. I actually have four tattoos (all easily covered up), and at the places I've had them done, they have signs posted that say if you're drunk, stoned, TooDumbToLive, etc., they'll refuse service. I understand that part of it's due to poor judgment when under the influence, but according to one of the artists, it's also because having alcohol in the bloodstream affects the healing process. So, the "got it while I was drunk" excuse might just be a case of TheyJustDidntCare by the writers. ** REPUTABLE tattoo artists and piercers won't work on drunk/high/otherwise incapacitated people (plus you usually have to make an appointment in advance with a down payment). Then again, I have encountered people who got their tats at highly questionable establishments which actually allowed them to come in drunk and make a same-day appointment. Amazingly, a higher power looked after this fool, and she did not get a disease from said questionable tattoo place. ** This troper's cousin got a tattoo when he was drunk. It said BAD BOY 4 LIFE. Admittedly he was in Thailand at the time... * This troper's cousin has the initials of his father (who passed away when he was a young teenager) tattooed where a long-sleeved shirt can cover. Which is actually in itself a pretty okay tattoo. Unfortunately, shortly after (possibly even in the same sitting, or the next day) my cousin decided to get a garish tattoo of a Chinese character he isn't even sure of the meaning of... really big. On his hand. He plans to be a teacher, or to join the military. Oops. (We're kind of halfheartedly taking bets on when he has that one removed.) * This Troper's friend has a rose tattoo on the inside of her breast. She's so ashamed of it now that she refuses to wear low-cut shirts until she can get it removed (which is gonna be a while considering her annual salary). * Considering [[{{Crion87}} this troper}}]] is a metalhead yet he has a tattoo of a vegvisir (which is the same snowflake-looking tattoo as Bjrk's) on the same place (the top of the left arm) this might be considered an EmbarrassingTattoo - but he has gotten used to it. Also, he is an Australian, not an Icelander. [[{{Crion87}} This troper]], however, happens to like Bjrk's music as well, so therefore it's not ''as'' embarrassing as if he hated her... * This troper's cousin had a girl's name tattooed on his arm. Two weeks later, they broke up. He tried to have the tattoo made into a tiger; it ended up looking like [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dikkie_Dik Dikkie Dik]]. * This Troper's friends ex boyfriend had her name tattooed on his arm, and they broke up shortly after. He has added other girls he has been with to that now...looks strange * My ex-boyfriend still has my name on his arm...oh, the humiliation.---

* And these, dear tropers, are why we don't tattoo sigoths' names on ourselves. * This troper's youth pastor wanted to get "Forever Forgiven" on his forearms, but since he didn't have a lot of money at the time, he had to work out a deal with the artist. The artist agreed to do the forearm tattoos for free if he could also put a stupid tattoo on my youth pastor. As such, my youth pastor now has an orange gummy bear tattooed on his left bicep. * Edgy's sister got a terrible looking wooden-textured peace sign on her waist. The image doesn't mean anything to her and she just got it for no good reason. Now she's pregnant. I wonder how it is going to look in a few months. I, however, I have the Lionheart from FinalFantasyVIII on my right bicep in red. Looks very nice! Go back to EmbarrassingTattoo, and pick up a long sleeved shirt on the way. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EmergencyBroadcast * [[Tropers.AGroupie This troper]] has a childhood memory of the OLD EmergencyBroadcast system in the US being a terrifying orange screen on TV with the old EBS tone and has seen storm warnings and the like in the new EAS format. For some reason zhe is absolutely terrified of suddenly hearing the EAS tone in good weather for real (since that means either a missing kid or the fucking end of the world), yet zhe wrote this article and will occasionally look up the Youtube mockups and such when looking for a creepout. * A few years ago, while on vacation, this troper was awoken at four in the morning by the EBS tone and began to freak out, because she was worried that something bad happened. Turns out, it was just a test of the EBS system. * This troper remembers a very funny sketch done at Scout camp. The campfire arena was near a lake, and a group of his troop's Scouts and leaders lined up next to the lake and started imitating the EBS. One leader said, "This is just a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this were a real emergency..." And then everyone screamed bloody murder and ran into the lake! * My family and I went on vacation to Springfield, Missouri one summer a few years back. A thunderstorm brewed up, but wasn't very strong. Thinking nothing of it and tired as hell from six hours of driving we turned in for bed. Troper, at the time a nervous, terrified-ofeverything 10 or 11 year old (not sure which anymore), was awakened in the middle of the night by the TV, which had been turned to Seinfeld when she fell asleep (this was only a couple years ago btw, not the nineties), displaying a horrifying black screen with plain white text saying a tornado warning had been issued for the county we were in. Nightmares were had when I ''did'' get back to sleep. * This troper has a long history with the emergency alert system. The

first spring that she lived in Missouri, the loud beeping noise scared the living daylights out of her, and so of course her father would delibrately leave the weather channel on and time it so that it would make that horrible beeping noise whenever she entered the room, and then she'd scream and run out like a crazy person. She's gotten over it now, though... ** The second incident also has to do with her father, only it was about ten years later and it involved him waking her up 'cause there was an actual tornado warning for the county- it came up on our Uverse and everything. This was like, a week or so after the Joplin twister so everyone was on edge, seeing as how we'd had a family friend down there and she barely survived.

EmpathicEnvironment * This troper has a knack for having photos taken of him where the environment seems to model itself to his mood. For instance, one photo of him against a dark, cloudy sky had the clouds all curving in to form a perfect halo around his head. * Usually, when This Troper, a {{Genki Girl}}, has an incredible lucky day, it's sunny outside, which is her favorite type of weather. * This troper was reading an article about a murder in a store. Cue creepy music and this troper thinking of this trope. * This troper has never been to a funeral where it hasn't rained. ** Same for this troper. *** Neither have I, but I haven't been to any funerals where it ''has'' rained either. How many have you two been to? * This troper swears the canned music at her job is controlled by mischievous angels or pixies who have fun creating fitting soundtracks for things that happen. ** One time she had to politely tell a new manager not to tell her how to do the job she's been doing for six years. Cue Aretha Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" on the canned music. ** The power went out due to construction workers hitting a power line and the store's back-up generators kicked in. This translated to the lights along the perimeter coming on and the canned music starting up again. One middle-aged guy joked that all we needed was a mirror ball hanging from the clock in the middle of the ceiling and we'd have a good environment for a disco. Cue "You Should be Dancing" by the BeeGees (Yes, my store has some weird canned music). * While at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, [[Tropers/JBridge this troper]] found the best damn candy in existance. ''Chocolate-covered bacon.'' '''Yes.''' How is this relevent? When I bought it, choir music started playing. Clearly, this was food from the gods. ** This troper had the exact same experience in the exact same place, but with funnel cake. [[QuirkyTown Santa Cruz is weird like that.]] * A particularly epic example, at least in [[SquirrelyMalk This Troper's]] opinion, was at a LARP event she went to. We were at war with a race of lizard men and our group was headed out to battle one of their Big Bad Leaders and his troupe of minions. This battle was crucial and our enemy powerful. We had no idea if we would win or make it out alive. As we walked to the battlefield, the sky began to grow

dark. We arrived and were given the description of the huge red lizardman we were facing as it began to rain. Throughout the fight there was a torental downpour and everyone got muddy and wet and it was a very confusing battle. But we won, and as his defeat was being described, as he died, the sky began to clear and and lighten. It was AWESOME! * This Troper's brother has passed the morning trying to repair our computer. Then, in the afternoon, a tempest caused a black out in our condominium, right while he was playing online. Every time he cursed the heavens, a thunder stroke down to add emphasis to his disappointment. Then, the following dialogue toke place: ->'''Brother''': it's all your fault! ->'''Me''': (stops reading a book. A BIG thunder strikes). ->'''Brother''': what was that?! ->'''Me''': my ''fury''. * [[NeoSilverThorn This troper]] has had the musical cue version happen twice on him. The first time was a friend walking into the SciFi/Fantasy Lit class he was taking right as a mighty, noble piece of music started blaring next door. Said friend didn't miss a beat when it started, but looked confused when it stopped ''right as he'd sat down''. The second came when I walked into the recreation lounge. Somebody'd had Pillar's ''Frontline'' playing. I managed to throw the double doors open on the beat the bridge ended and the last rounds of the chorus started up. Everyone turns and looks at me as though I'm some sort of phenomenal badass come to lead them to war. * This troper was at a poetry reading with some friends when one reader stood up and began a morbid, depressing piece about the evils of the world. There was a window behind the microphone and right on cue the sun went behind a cloud, so the room went dark and the reader stood out in silhouette against the grey sky. * Several years ago, on [[AXavierB this troper's]] birthday, his parents were buying him a DS and some games. His brother's birthday happened to be a few days later, and this troper's parents decided to test his selfishness by saying they were just getting him the DS and they'd get the games later; they added that they were getting this troper's brother a DVD player along with [=DVD=]s to go with it. This troper was pissed that his brother was getting more and it wasn't even his birthday yet, and the high winds and lightning outside seemed to empathize. His parents revealed it had just been a joke, but the storm didn't stop. Go figure. * Averted for [[TheTallOne This Troper.]] At her grandpa's [[TheFunInFuneral funeral]] it was bright and sunny, as well as being unseasonably warm. It even got lampshaded by a cousin who glanced skywards and said, "Don't they know it's supposed to RAIN at FUNERALS?" ** It did on the day of my sister's funeral. Pouring, gushing, openfaucet rain. ** Same here for the sunniness on her granpa's funeral. With mariachi blaring in the background as the dirt was being laid, but then again she likes to think he'd have preferred it that way. * Here in New York City it rained on September 11 of 2008 or 2009. * This troper was on a camping trip around the time the sixth

HarryPotter book came out, and while reading the climactic scene, it suddenly began to thunderstorm. As if that weren't dramatic enough, about ten minutes into the [[MeaningfulFuneral final chapter]], lightning struck fifteen feet from our campsite. * This troper's parents were on holiday and decided to do the whole compulsory visit to the local cathedral. It was cloudy when they went in and sat down. As soon as the choir started up, the clouds parted and a ray of light shone onto the choir through the window. * In a kind of variation, this troper experiences SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder,) which causes her mood to change with the environment. It's not quite this trope, but it becomes it after I stand outside for more than 5 minutes. * In the past six years, only once between 12 check-ups and however many fillings has it not rained when I went to the dentist. [[LampShading I made sure to point this out to said dentist.]] * Every time I get annoyed, or have a bad day, the forum I own seems to decide to break and Im even more annoyed cause I have to deal with fixing it. * My brother was playing a game with random weather patterns. Since we've both completed the game, he went "hunting" a certain species just to be a jerk. When he arrived in their territory, it started to rain. Talk about foreshadowing! (For those curious, it was Lizalfos in Twilight Princess) * This troper read a disheartening message from [[LongDistanceRelationship her Californian boyfriend]] saying he would have no time to talk to her that day. Cue the rain once I read it. One of her Skype pals even lampshaded it when I told them --->'''RK:'''Why don't you go play outside of something, get your mind off of it --->'''This Troper:'''It's raining outside --->'''George:'''Empathic weather? * When this troper's human right's activist group went to protest the [[http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2011/mar/10/ohio-executesinmate-new-death-penalty-drug/ execution of Johnnie Baston]] there was a freezing cold, bitter, pounding rain that started off as a simple early spring light shower. Over the the 30 minutes it took for the execution to end his life the weather grew colder and the rain heavier until there was a full storm. At 10:30 the time of the death, the group sung Amazing Grace and the rain let up. Needless to say that moment will be one that will not be forgotten. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EmptyShell * While not impossible, such a thing is rare in actual human beings. 'Catatonic Depression' (Sometimes referred to as 'Catastrophic Depression') is the medical term to describe real-life instances of this. It is possible to turn someone into an Empty Shell, however it requires said person to go through prolonged periods of torment and abuse, and not just regular abuse such as being beaten, molested or

bullied, but rather being subjected to '''years''' of nonstop pain and torment that borders on being considered torture. That being said, many people who have actually survived being tortured (Whether they were a POW in a war or just an unlucky victim of a psychopath) are generally expected to, at one point of their lives or another, fit this trope perfectly. Just like how it's possible to turn one into an Empty Shell, it's possible to revert them back to normal, although such a thing usually requires the victim to take huge amounts of antidepressants and years if not decades of psychological assistance and therapy. Just the idea that there have been real-life instances of people being subjected to enough torture to be turned into an Empty Shell is in itself {{High Octane Nightmare Fuel}} when you think about it.

EndingFatigue * [[TsundeRay This troper]] took a 2-week vacation in the Philippines. It was pretty fun during the first week of it, visiting relatives and taking a day off at a swimming resort and massage spa. Then his mom went back home after one week, leaving him with his dad. For the second week, they barely did anything non-repetitive ("repetitive" meaning hanging out with his dad and said dad's cousin, who this troper [[ReplacementScrappy dislikes]] due to language barrier problems and sometimes misunderstanding what this troper says), to the point where this troper, for most of the 2nd week, thought, "Let's go back home already!" ** [[@/{{endlessness}} This troper]] took a 10-day vacation to visit his hometown. The few first days? Visit relatives and friends, go find some shopping deals (easier on a larger city)... A few days later? He wanted to go home, as he had plainly nothing to do. * This troper once went to camp for a week. Due to having a tent full of people who must have been having some sort of snoring contest, which included TheScrappy of the '''entire fucking camp''', being surrounded by people apparently having the time of their lives ([[HypeBacklash whereas I was bored out of my mind]]), and repetitiveness, meant that by the third day I was seriously considering having an "accident" just so I could get sent home (or to a hospital). * This is a frequent on the vacations that [[AllanAokage I]] go on. * This troper's family vacations in a certain locale are on average five days long and have gone well that way for years. One year, her father decided to up this to ten days... in the same TV-less, internetless, near-deserted locale. By the third day, we were tense. By day five, we were having screaming matches, and by day six, it had escalated into screaming matches, swearing and physical violence. And yet no one would broach the fact that it was because we ''just couldn't sit around there any longer''. * Sometimes, when he's had a really rough day or something, this troper will keep thinking "Oh my GOSH when is this going to end?" * The principal and the director of the school I worked at ''looooved'' the sound of his own voice. And exceedingly long, graphics laden Power Point presentations. And calling mandatory campus

wide meetings at the drop of a survey. Needless to say, Facebook and messenger were lifesavers. The frustrating part (well, one of them) is that his style of oratory repeated itself several times, and drew very, very long. It was like sitting in on an uncharismatic Hugo Chavez with a mustache. * I think the worst is when [[KillItWithFire romantic breakups]] go this way. ** Indeed. Worst thing is the tendency to degenerate into manipulation sex, and having to go through the entire hours long conversation again the next week. ** And then there's that oh-so-fun time period where one person knows the relationship is over, but for any number of reasons, hasn't broken the news to the other one just yet. * This troper wanted his Thanksgiving break to end about three days into it. He is also normally somewhat tired (after getting out all of the "THAT WAS AWESOME!"s out of his system.) after beating a video game in one go. * [[{{febel}} This Troper]] understands that GoneWithTheWind is a classic movie and has had a massive influence on the world of cinema. That did not stop him from kicking, fidgeting and at one point biting the back of the person in front of him's chair simply because that movie was sooooo friggin long. It was made worse by the fact that he was crammed into a packed theater like a sardine in a tin. * [[Tropers/PentiumMMX2 This troper]]'s weekend-long trip out of town for a relative's wedding was very much like this. The first day was a blast; seeing the sites around the town, getting to visit with relatives I haven't seen in years (Including the bride-to-be, who helped me get my PC back up and running several years prior), having some pretty good BBQ for dinner, and getting back to the hotel room just in time to catch 2 new episodes of {{Naruto}}. Day 2, however, got off to a bad start; I barely got any sleep the night before (Thanks to my dad's loud snoring, which is why next time we take a trip like this, I'm paying for my own private room) and I didn't get any coffee (Thanks to my grandma, who threw a monkey wrench into our plans of meeting with everybody for coffee before we set out), which lead to me feeling like a zombie most of the day. As we rushed out to go to see another relative, who didn't make it to the wedding, we had to stop at every tourist trap on our way out, and to top it all off, my grandma decided we needed to go look at some candle store on our way there (It was about as interesting as it sounds); which lead to me wishing this trip would just end already. However, by the time we got to that relative's house, we didn't stay for long because everybody was tired after every other pointless thing we did (I, on the other hand, was [[{{Understatement}} really tired]]). I was thankful when we finally got back home, at about sundown, as the trip was finally over and I could finally get the rest I need. * This troper suffered with [[GoldenSun Golden Sun: The Lost Age's]] ending. It was satisfying and would have made me shed a tear of joy if it weren't for the fact that at that exact moment, the plane where I was flying had to land. While the incredibly long ending still rolled. It didn't help that the flight attendant next to me kept bugging me and giving me glares so that I would turn off the game. But I didn't

want to redo that Doom Dragon battle again, which was hard. By the time we got to the hotel, the ending had finished and I got to make a clear data. The catch? I had to redo the whole final battle again, because I had barely paid attention to the ending. Then again, the whole waiting for our rooms was itself some sort of EndingFatigue, so I beat the game again and still had time left. * After more than a day without sleep, on [[{{HALO}} Halo: Reach]] launch day, me and a friend played through the campaign starting at 2am. [[{{Misaimed Fandom}} I don't like Halo]], and we weren't really following the story, so we were very glad when it was finally over. * This troper found it to be an extreme problem with Anna Karenina. The book just doesn't end and it goes on for-fucking-ever. How to imagine it: LovelyComplex without TinyGuyHugeGirl, a lot of cheating, the girl from the BetaCouple is a {{Yandere}}, and exposition comes in page long blocks and in paragraphs during dialogue. Combine that with the male lead being a preachy {{Jerkass}}, lack of comedy, or strong emotional pull, and you have a book which even the most willful of us will be finding boring by the time page 100 roles around. [[DoorStopper And it goes on for at least another 700...]] * This troper's PathFinder campaign started suffering from this towards then end, due to it taking so long and everyone really looking forward to playing MutantsAndMasterminds. It got so bad that the last session didn't even involve any dice or player interaction--I just TOLD the players what happened in the epic finaly climax with the BigBad EldritchAbomination, closed the book, and said it was time to start making characters for the next campaign. The players did not mind in the slightest. * This troper went to the concert for a cover band for TheBeatles. Since "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" ends in a faded out guitar solo, they had to extend it - with musical references to other Beatles songs - until finding a proper place to end. A great performance, but man, it never seemed to end. (here's a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntKGJtiwBNs video]] of them playing it... you might notice it's almost twice as long as the original song!) * This troper;s middle school talent show had a girl playing the harp. People started clapping, not once, not twice but THREE TIMES before it was over. When it finally was over, nobody clapped because they were afraid it wasn't. * This troper hates [[SonicColors Aquarium Park, Act 6]]. Trust me, if you're going for a Red Ring run, the first half of the stage (which is underwater) ''does not seem to end''. Ever. * This troper has a hard time ending stories. There is an idea that wants to be written. Then another one. And another one. But no end in sight. * [[@/{{Tadaru}} This troper]] experienced this many times at the Japanese language school that he went to with [[TheScrappy some teachers]]; damn near anything we read or any question that was asked could send them into monologues that could last upwards of half an hour. He'd usually end up surfing the internet on his [=iPhone=]; luckily, those teachers got so wrapped up in their monologues that they didn't notice. He'd periodically listen in and think "ugh, he's

STILL talking about that?" or just ended up completely lost when we actually had moved on and were talking about something relevant. He suspects that it's because he was in the upper-level classes, where the teachers could talk about all the stuff that was too difficult language-wise for the lower levels. * Unless he happens to be good at the questions, any Maths class for this troper will feel like they're taking forever. Made worse if it happens to be the last subject of the day which usually is for this troper. * [[Tropers/That897Guy This]] [[{{Eagleland}} American]] troper took a two-week vacation to Taiwan last month (June 2011 to be exact). Oh, how he loved and misses that trip, and all the people he met there. There was certainly no Ending Fatigue about the trip itself... but the United States being obviously so far from Taiwan, we ended up being on planes for a whole day back and forth. On the way ''there'', this troper slept a lot. On the way ''back,'' however, the feature on the plane's video screens that showed where the plane was and how much time was left stopped working, ''and'' this troper barely slept a wink, therefore being doomed to sit and do not much of anything the whole time, with not even a way of knowing where we were through most of it. He actually wrote in his diary that he'd put this story on the Troper Tales for Ending Fatigue while he was still on that flight, but it's actually been nearly a month since then. Almost forgot. :P ---Oh, God, will we ''never'' get back to EndingFatigue? ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EnforcedMethodActing * This troper was RPG-chat-ing... thing... with her friend. Ok, so what basically happened was this: We were having a normal IM chat. Then I started referring to her as Light-kun. It is now posted on [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6836963/1/Light_L_Chat fanficton.net]] * In This Troper's production of ByeByeBirdie, the guy playing Hugo actually hit Conrad in the face by accident, causing the appropriate reaction from both actors and the cast. It gave Conrad a black eye for the rest of the production. * I played a character who reveals that she has a great number of scars on her wrists, which comes as a great shock to the male lead character. Since the scars were supposed to be a surprise, I deliberately didn't put on my scar makeup until opening night. Then I made my wrists gruesome and bloody. The lead's face when I pulled back my sleeves was utterly priceless. * This troper was in a production of West Side Story in High School that was just MADE of this trope. Not only did the fight sequences devolve into a actual brawl during the school performance but at the end when Maria is brandishing the gun the actress accidentally set off the backup round in the blank gun while swinging it around. The teacher liked the OHSHITEVERYONEDUCK reaction that happened so much that it was incorporated into the proceeding performances. * I intend to invoke this trope in an upcoming production of Hamlet,

for the closet scene, all rehearsals have been with me (playing Hamlet) only acting mildly irritated towards Gertrude's actor. In the performance, the director and I agreed to have me escalate to screaming in her face, hoping to evoke a suitably terrified response from the young and timid girl. * you make me sick ** Did it work? * This troper was acting in a friend's student film, performing a fight scene, and accidentally landed a punch right in the mouth of the other actor. This resulted in the two best scenes of the movie, both the punch, and the later zoom in of the actor wiping real blood from his mouth. * I was recently Cinderella in her high school's production of IntoTheWoods, and all throughout rehearsals and the first performances, my Prince and I would just stage-kiss when we were *ahem* distracted while my birds blinded my step-sisters. But during the last performance, he actually made out with me for real, catching me completely (and pleasantly) by surprise. * During the fight scene between Peter and Fenris in this troper's school's presentation of TheLionTheWitchAndTheWardrobe, Peter wound up bleeding from the forehead. This was all well and good given that it was a fight scene--with the major problem being that Peter's actor actually ''was'' bleeding. His sword, on loan from one of the techies, was actually fairly sharp and had bounced off Fenris' costume and hit him in the face. To his credit, he carried out the rest of the scene with great poise. * This Troper had a similar experience during a production at a community theatre, for a production that contained a scene that ended in a fistfight. The troper and the other actor involved had a rather deep mutual hatred that had taken more than one production to develop (In fact, it was half the reason they were taken on for the roles, it wasn't exactly a secret), and come final night, they were told to give it their all for the performance. Most of the actors gave brilliant performances, until the fight scene. The troper and the Actor had been spitting their lines with cold hatred - but final night was a spectacular one, with both deviating from the script into harsher and harsher insults, until finally the first punch was thrown, as per the script, and the fight was on. And on, and on, and on. Two other actors actually had to come on stage with vaguely convincing lines and pull them apart, bloodied and battered, just to stop the fight before it got to the point where one or both of them would be unable to continue the play. ** Why can't my brother's school plays be this awesome? * During filming of an action movie for my film class, I actually snapped my knee out of place. Needless to say, My limping towards the coming battle was very realistic. * This troper played Demetrius in a school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. After months of tense, bad-tempered rehearsals, just before the curtain went up on the first night, this troper ended up in a physical fight backstage with the actress playing Hermia -- the only time in his life he has been angry enough to hit a girl. The dispute was not resolved during the run, or in fact ever. Needless to say, her

delivery of lines like ''Out, dog! Out, cur!'' was chillingly convincing. * This troper was performing a scene from Taming of the Shrew for the scene competition at a Thespian Conference when she was a freshman. Kate is supposed to absolutley despise Petruchio from the first time she met him. This troper, while very good friends with her scene partner, never fully realized how irritating the actor was until they started rehearsals (most of them, alone). He wouldn't allow her to slap him (it was in the script, and probably the only reason they did the scene because she'd slapped him previously at a dance) because he claimed child abuse, put his hands all over her whenever he possibly could, and all sexual references apparently became real. Needless to say she was on her last nerve come performance time because they had been doing it over and over for two months. She pushed and shoved as hard as she could to get away from him whenever possible, made the most horrified faces she could at any sexual reference, and come slap time.... it had NEVER been more satisfying. What's irritating today is that now he ADMITS he was a dick, but still is some-what the same person. ** Oh, and did she mention that the judges thought she wasn't rebellious enough! But, they also said that he was just a complete creep! * [[AcrossTheStars This troper]] was workshopping the role of Blanche [=DuBois=] from ''A Streetcar Named Desire'' for her Advanced Acting final scene. The scene concerned was the dinner party in which Mitch fails to appear. Her best friend, a volleyball player, her main inspiration, and, essentially, her anchor for the role, was at a game and didn't make it until just after the scene had started, and she was devastated. Another good friend kept her going, telling her, "He's a bastard. He should have been here, he knew how important this was to you" and other similar statements. According to the rest of her class, when he did get there just in time to see the lights go up for the start of her scene, they had to physically restrain him, saying, "Don't you dare go out there, she's so deep in character it's amazing." His reaction after her scene (by far the best performance she'd ever given or ever will give) reduced her to tears of pure joy. * At a film camp this troper went to, a director acting in his own film about a bad breakup found it difficult to cry on-camera. Deciding that he needed some help, three or four other campers piled into his room and started insulting him, from saying various nasty things about his mother to calling him worthless and other various nasty names. It took approximately half an hour of constant insulting, but he finally managed to pull it off and got a fairly convincing crying-in-despair scene out of it. * [[AssumeAVirtue This troper]] directs theatre from time to time, and uses this in the audition process by giving auditionees lines they have never seen before to read. ** And this troper thought her drama teacher was the only one! ** It's fairly common practice, especially in community theatre, although the norm remains preparing a monologue or two. * In seventh grade, this troper was part of the drama club. During a play, this troper's role needed to laugh at a living jack-in-the-box

toy. Someone had the bright idea it should be unscripted, so the actor in the box sprung out in jack-in-the box fashion. However, instead of laughing, this troper, already suffering from anxiety from the live performance, had a panic attack on stage, subverting this trope. * I often wonder if anyone would use a diffrent reaction then intended (say, an untold change of script meant to make the actor have his lines sound [[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic realistic]] having the actor instead ask why the script is diffrent from before.). Thus I keep in mind that if I ever have to act, I will simply go with the flow in case anyone ever tries using this method. Then again, that would make it method acting in a way... * This troper was playing Snout in ''A Midsummer Night's Dream'', and it was based in the 1980s. His character was designed after John Cusack in ''Say Anything'', so he was wearing the trenchcoat and track pants, his coat and shirt having the wall pattern for his portrayal of...well....a wall. During the scene, Chase, the Chinese guy playing Philostrate, had a notebook, and wrote in big letters "CHINK?" on one of my lines where this troper mentions a chink in the wall. When he noticed some laughter, he turned around and saw him holding up the notebook. His character's general sullen mood (he gets constantly abused by Bottom and Flute's physical acting) quickly changed to intense rage at him, so much so that Chase was told NOT to hold up the notebook again. ** This happened twice with the play, though one was in rehearsal. The teacher director, generally seen as a mother/sister figure due to her younger age and sense of humor, had commisioned a very realistic donkey mask for Bottom's head. The mask was completed on the third-tolast rehearsal, and while most of the actors for the Mechanicals saw it beforehand (this troper saw it while it was being hooked up with a microphone to allow the actor to speak), the one playing Flute never saw it. The scene called for Bottom to go all the way upstage (we were on a low platform in front of the stage) and behind a curtain resembling hanging vines, then return when called with the mask and ears. When he came on, Flute did not turn until Bottom was literally right behind him, leading to him seeing the mask inches from his face. He promptly screamed "HOLY SHIT!" and almost fell off the platform. * During a college production of ''Under Milk Wood'', the blocking called for one actor to slam a meat cleaver into a (very solid) part of the set near another actor, who would then scream. For most of rehearsals, the meat cleaver was played by some random piece of junk from the prop room. The actor who was supposed to scream got his first look at the real meat cleaver while it was being swung at full force and speed ... and that scene had very dim lighting, so all he could see was the flash of metal. * During a rehearsal for a show in which this troper was playing a nervous little lawyer (not too far off at the time), we were working on the last scene, where the lawyer decides to chase after a potential love interest. It just wasn't coming together correctly, until, unbeknown to this troper, the actress was given direction to plant one smack dab on the face. The reaction was, apparently, priceless. * In [[{{PictureFrame}} this troper's]] high school production of ''Quilters'', there was a scene in which the director felt one of the

actresses, who at first was supposed to be panicky, then happy, wasn't at the right level. The director had some of the cast write nice/silly things about her on her prop (a party invitation) and then told this troper, the assistant props master, to hide the prop and pretend to have lost it until right before the actress went on. It worked brilliantly- the actress was flustered at first, then smiling when she read what was on the invitatio- but it was part of this troper's decision to get out of the props department. * Variant: This troper was making a video for French class about a really awful day, with one of the things happening on said awful day being the protagonist spilling hot tea on himself. She used tea that she didn't actually know the temperature of, and scalded her stomach rather badly, which caused her to act more perfectly than she actually intended. * This troper did a Monologue act of Jonathan Harker describing his discovery of Dracula's secret. Right before she got on - a back drop fell on her - startling her pretty badly. She was quite sure that the fact her hands were literally shaking from it helped the mood. ** This troper wishes she'd done the above monologue, but had a similar experience when auditioning for the one-act play ''Teeth''. When it came my turn to read Dr. Rose's part (he and the one other character are both having psychological breakdowns on-stage) he's supposed to be curled up into a ball, shaking and whimpering... unfortunately, I didn't need to fake either of the latter two, since I hadn't eaten in three days, and had missed my meal break to read the part. It came across as too damned creepy to the director, but it did apparently make a good impression. * For a student film, this troper had to play the guy who tries to steal the main female character from her boyfriend. He didn't have to fake his attraction to her, since she was his RealLife girlfriend. * [[{{chitoryu12}} This troper's]] production of ''Romeo and Juliet'' that they're putting on now uses this as part of the plot: the actors are portraying the Montagues and Capulets as families that really do hate each other, but are performing ''Romeo and Juliet'' as a means of venting their anger. This involves them trying to fight dirty and hurt each other in the fight scenes (tossing someone into scaffolding, for example). One example which the director explained is the fight between Tybalt and Mercutio: the "actor" playing Tybalt draws a real weapon and seriously injures the "actor" playing Mercutio, causing the "actor" playing Romeo to take a "real" gun he had hidden with his personal effects and shoot him. ** This troper, while participating in the rehearsals, saw it appear in a different light. During the aforementioned fight between Tybalt and Mercutio, the killing blow was so realistic that Mercutio's reallife girlfriend, who was in the ensemble watching the fight, began to cry in fear that he had been hurt. Likewise, when Romeo reached into his bag and pulled the gun, not everyone knew that it was being used on the first day of fight rehearsal (mainly the ones with this troper's group in the back rooms who weren't in the scene, but watched the full version on their way back to the stage). As such, several people were screaming and ducking in fear, and the actor's perfect acting made them think he had just pulled a real gun and was really

about to shoot Tybalt. Even better, only this troper and Romeo had worked with guns on stage and knew how loud they were, so everyone screams and jumps for real when he fires the gun. Fortunately, that's the EXACT impression the play is trying to make on the audience: to make them think we're really brawling and shooting each other, and if the actors can be fooled, imagine the audience. ** This troper would also like to say how proud he is that, after he added these entries, an ad for the anime version of ''Romeo and Juliet'' has begun appearing. * During this Troper's time in primary school he was in rehearsals for a play of Daniel and the lions den. I was playing one of the officials that gets thrown to the lions. At the time however I was in a bad mood and just wanted to be left alone in the background. When I was grabbed and dragged to the pit I was crying out to be left alone and try to escape. The teacher called it a very realistic performance. * In a play, I was feuding with an actor. I was supposed to give him a light shove... And wound up knocking him into the orchestra pit. Of course, his character then threatened mine with an ax, and I must say I was pretty scared. The audience, of course, thought it was scripted and loved it. * A LARP. A Climactic Mage Battle between the forces of Good and Evil. The greatest Mage of the Light throws his final spell barely managing to defeat the Evil sorceress and falls drained to the ground his energy spent. Cue much cheering and applause at the Good Mages acting until someone realized that the excitement and stress had cause the diabetic [=LARPer=] to have a Hypo and he had actually passed out. Cue panicked attempts to increase his blood-sugar. * [[@/{{MiraShio}} I]] have pulled this trope quite a few times at school: ** I performed a heavily dramatic declamation piece for a contest in sixth grade. One of the other contestants, a classmate of mine, did well with her performance and was able to cry (out of anxiety, which plays this trope straight for her too). I got terrified when I saw how well she did, and I got so nervous that I was able to push the tears out. ** As a sophomore, I twice had my belongings confiscated from me--a digicam because the principal saw that I was using it at I time I wasn't supposed to, and a secret badge just because my teacher purposely wanted to annoy me. The aftermath and subsequent solution to both situations was to cry. ** Earlier in my junior year, my classmates and I performed a fight scene from ''{{Toradora}}'' ([[AuthorityEqualsAssKicking you know]] [[WaifFu the one]]) for our Grammar class. We didn't rehearse anything; all we did was memorize our lines off only one script, and any preparation for the fight itself was purely theoretical. The result was an epic fight scene which got me and my classmate acting opposite me pretty messed up. Bonus points for us, I guess, as we performed the first part of the brawl ''among'' the audience, rightly shocking them. EnforcedMethodActing ''and'' audience reaction. Our teacher deemed our performance the best one. * This troper made a short film and had to elicit a startled reaction from an friend and would-be-actor, who was terrible. Not one

convincing scene up to this point. The next scene called for two large guys to sneak up behind him, put a bag over his head and take him down. I told him the scene would involve him walking up to his car but left out the other details... Best. Reaction. Ever. Similarly, another short project involved a different friend-actor getting taken down in a fight. His idea was to have the assailant ACTUALLY beat him with a stick as opposed to just pretend. Oscar worthy stuff in the end. ** I'm assuming you've recently started losing friends... * This troper's character in his first game of {{Descent}} was supposed to be reckless and aggressive. The others told me that my healing potion would instantly revive me with no penalties when I died. Cue recklessness from me. * This troper once did a student film-thing with a group of friends. In one scene, one of the friends has to laugh at a note. The problem? He can't laugh on cue. Probably the best solution was having another friend draw a funny picture on the "note" and not letting him see until a perfect-to-that-point take. * Kind of subverted in a play this troper was in--there's a scene in the play where this troper's character was shoved and fell down that many of her friends thought was the trope, while it was actually done on purpose. * I am something of a fan of this, having made short films in the past. During one video, a fight scene was required, and they asked me if they should do it as it was written in the script or just make stuff up. I noticed that all the people involved actually knew martial arts and enjoyed to fight, so I pretty much told them to just go with it. They helped me film a rather brutal fight scene, leading to one guy needing to limp home. Another occassion involved me holding down a female friend of mine, trying to force her into submission. To get her to genuienly scream in pain, I pressed my foot down on her abdomen. Even though she knew what was coming before it happened, and I warned her it might hurt, which she was fine with, she still screamed in pain, which worked for the film, not for my conscience. Recently, though, I was playing a psychotic person speaking to a psychologist, and I needed to tie her up in a basement. Not only did I tie her up, but I verbally ablibed most of my lines in a horrible, mocking, psychotic tone. Her expressions of terror in that vid are genuine, but, thankfully, in all instances, the actors were aware what I was doing, and were glad I had no trouble getting out of character. They all got over it quickly...after kicking me in the balls. I wonder if I'll have any kids at this rate...^_^ * I'm playing Leonato in ''MuchAdoAboutNothing'' as my final performance in high school and first major role in any play. In the first wedding scene, where Hero is falsely revealed to be a whore, I'm supposed to shout "Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?!" and be held back by Benedick and the Sister (changed from a friar, as it's a girl in our show). The last time it was run in rehearsal, I accidentally acted a bit too well and scared the poor girl. The girl playing Margaret was heard whispering "That was intense." * While performing as TheJoker during the interrogation scene in ''TheDarkKnight'' in an Acting class assignment, the kid playing {{Batman}} was supposed to throw me over the desk. For safety purposes

(And because I had never done that stunt before and had no choreographer advising me), we agreed that he would just lift me up and back and I would land on my ass on the table and roll off. Didn't look realistic, but I could do it perfect without hurting myself. Cue the actual performance, and he totally forgets the blocking and decides to throw me over headfirst. I ended up thinking of how to properly land while flying through the air, not at all aided by the fact that he didn't let me do most of the force of the throw; he really launched me at the table. Somehow, I managed to roll off my elbow and go head-over-heels over the table and land on my hip, barely hurting myself and making everyone fear for my safety. It was ''awesome''. * This troper was Betty in a production of Sure Thing where she had a huge crush on the actor playing Bill. She found out he felt the same way after the final performance when he asked her out. Apparently it made for a very realistic performance. There was also one performance where he was not doing so well, and had to break character a few times because of it. This got her annoyed enough that in the monologue where she chews him out she nearly knocked some of the props off of the table. He was noticeably stunned by it. It was all very realistic. * This troper was once in an amateur film in which he and another actor argue, then fight each other Since the previous takes weren't convincing enough, the director told the other to really hit this troper. This troper's shout of "What the hell, man!?" and subsequent punch made it into the final cut. * This troper recently took part in a residential youth theatre production of The Bacchae. With a director who must have swallowed the Enforced Method Acting BIBLE. From the off, the girls (ie the Bacchants) were given secret taks to keep a secret from all the boys except the actor playing Dionysus. On the first evening, Dionysus had to seek out eacha nd every one of his Bacchants, and tie a red ribbon round their wrists. It created a group feeling and gave us all A Moment, so called, with Dionysus. The actress playing Agave - who joins the Bacchae later - wasn't given hers for an extra few days, too. I think this is where the Method Acting went sliiightly overboard as we all refused point blank to get rid of the ribbons. So much that half our costumes ended up being redesigned around them.Also, one night all the girls were told to sneak out back to the rehearsal room...and go in individuallly, to be met by Dionysus who gave us heart shaped balloons in a candlelit room with a huge loveheart of roses on the floor, and soft acoustic guitarist singing in the corner. We all kind of...melted...it was so so so adorable. Of course, the director's plands worked - we were a group of Bacchants good and proper, full of secrets from the boys and group feelings, as well as all being just a little bit in love with the Dionysus boy...ah, good times. Probably one of the loveliest ways Enforced Method Acting has ever been Enforced. ** Wut * For my final year of drama class, I had chosen to do a monologue on a teenage school-shooter. On the stage with me was a fellow student who was meant to be my first victim, and she wasn't allowed to know about the script. I began the monologue and as my script directed,

walked up to her and pointed my ridiculously fake rifle at her face while boasting about how I was going to kill her. While she knew it was fake, the look of terror in her eyes as I read my lines apparently wasn't acting. She later told my teacher that she was never to be paired with me for another acting skit ever again. * A completely unintentional example that also counts as PlayedForDrama (no pun intended): one year in drama class, we were doing ''TheTamingOfTheShrew''. Kate and Petruchio were both cast for personality: Kate's actress (me) was bitchy and a bit misandristic, and Petruchio's actor was smug and a bit of a creepster. Everything went fine until the day of the performance, where he tried to "lighten the mood" by making one of his jokes, which tend to be kinda pervy. This one, however, went way over the line, and I ended up having a panic attack and crying so hard I could barely speak, just before we had to go on. After talking it over with him and with the teacher, he apologized and made sure I knew he didn't mean anything by it. That incident caused lasting psychological problems for me...but it did help me act appropriately repulsed on stage. * This troper's example sits roughly between this and method acting: in a recent performance of Les Miserable, we (the cast) knew about some pyrotechnics that were going to be used and roughly how loud they were going to be [[hottip:*: well, nearly all of us: one person arrived after the description, so he actually swore in shock when it went off in the dress rehearsal. He was meant to be dead, as he was one of the students.]]. However, we hadn't really got used to their volume, which meant that, on the first night (which was the second time we used them), we all practically leapt away from it when it went off. Luckily, the audience were too busy reacting to the noise to realise we felt just like them: in fact, the next day, I told a friend (who was in the audience) that it was only the second time we had heard them go off, so our shock at the noise was pretty authentic. He was quite surprised. It paid off, though: on the last night, the audience applauded when the scene finished. * This troper once played Charlotte in "Charlotte's Web." On opening night, I was sick with a fever of 102. After the performance, I got lots of compliments for playing dying Charlotte so well. * In this troper's opening night of ''Frankenstein'', we were supposed to react to a sound effect of the ice underneath our ship breaking. During the rehearsals, we had only heard the director or stage manager yelling "BOOM!". However, we finally had an effect that night, and when the cue came, it scared me so much that I fell instead of just staggering. ** Another instance was during Once Upon a Mattress. During the song "Spanish Panic", the second half of the song was a repeat. During all of the rehearsals, we practice it at the same tempo as the first part. During the show, the band almost doubled their tempo on the repeat, causing the entire cast to freak out while trying to catch up with the music. * This troper was once a director of a short SerialKiller movie. Being something of a minor MadArtist... --> Me: Okay, okay, listen. You, are going to be scared shitless. Is it too complicated for you?

--> Friend/Actor: I know, I know, (laughs) but it's kinda hilarious when you [[HoYay jump on me.]] --> Me: ....Huh, really? That's a shame. --> F: Yeah, you are just not that scary. --> Me: Yeah, you don't look like you just got caught in surp'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!!!''''' (jumps and pinning him down holding a switch blade[[hottip:*:one of the props]] to his face ) --> F: '''HOLY SHIT!''' --> Me: Now, hat's more like it. Can you do that next time? --> F: J...just get the fuck off me, you prick! ** All in all, it worked pretty well. The unfortunately...ever since that day people stayed away from me. He said that what I did was one of the biggest HighOctaneNightmareFuel he expereinced in a while... * This troper's wife was on the NPC team for a fantasy LARP. In a climactic scene, the player party encounters an evil necromancer alone at the side of a grave (his own, as it happens). Now, most players are GenreSavvy enough to expect him to summon undead minions before the fight starts, but the usual approach in LARP is for the refs to call a "time freeze" while the monsters take their places. In this case, however, the site was surrounded by enough brush that the monsters could physically conceal themselves from sight. What makes it this trope, however, is that the players knew that the NPC team was made up of about six people in total. They did not, however, know that a nearby LARP scheduled for the same day had been cancelled, leaving a bunch of people unexpectedly available on short notice. So when the necromancer raises his arms, and ''nearly twenty'' undead suddenly rise up around the party, their panicked reaction was very real. * This troper had it happen to him during a school project on the 4th Amendment. Two of the nicest guys in the class had to play cops, while this troper was a snarky stoner who had information they wanted. After 3 days of setting up a script, I gave up at trying to make his rage seem real, went off the rails, and got in his face, mocking him for his mother being a cop, his recent girl problems, and various other things. Which is about the time he use EMA on me, by beating me with a nightstick he'd gotten from his mom until the director cut the film and stopped him. ---I'm ''so'' sorry, adorable little Troper. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny just stabbed each other to death with broken whiskey bottles, and that's why your mommy hates you. [[EnforcedMethodActing ACTION!]] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EngagingConversation * This troper was once talking to a friend, when her guy friend this troepr had never met walked up. This troper and the guy friend started talking, and she did this to him. The kicker? We've now been married for 8 years. * This is TruthInTelevision. In a possible subversion, one of my

friends did indeed get married over one of these. They didn't actually file any of the paperwork and it was mainly to say that they had done it, but still. * This troper has done this. While he waiting for a bus, a girl struck up a conversation with him (by mentioning a flyer for an organization she belonged to). She turned out to be a fellow geek. Eventually, the following dialogue occurred: --->'''Me''': Which FinalFantasy is your favorite? --->'''Her''': [[FinalFantasyVI Six.]] --->'''Me''': Will you marry me? ** This troper can top you: she and her boyfriend first became friends talking all night about FFVI. We've just set a wedding date. ** At a con, a mild variation happen to this troper's sister, who wasn't even ''present'' during the conversation. She was, however, cosplaying. A brief recap as follows: --->'''Me''': Hey Squall, can I take a picture of you? --->'''Him''': Sure! --->'''Me''': If you'd run into me an hour ago, you would have met my sister. She's Rinoa. --->'''Him''': Really random, but does she know the dance? --->'''Me''': ...Actually, yes. She's been looking for a Squall who knows it all day. --->'''Him''': ''I am going to find your sister and kiss her!'' ** [[AcrossTheStars This troper]] as well. The first time she met the guy she has been madly in love with for going on four years now, we talked for four hours straight after discovering that we were the only people we knew who actually went to bookstores ''solely to sit and read books''. No marriage proposal actually occurred, but by the end of that conversation I had made up my mind that I was going to marry him... someday. I haven't changed my mind yet and doubt I will. * A variation of sorts: This troper's family has a classic recipe we call "Will-You-Marry-Me Cookies". * This troper was meeting in his school's choir room for a club that takes place there and the choir class was disbanding. One of the girls in the choir sat at the piano and started playing the theme to Mario at which point this troper got down on one knee and mimed opening a box with a ring in it. * [[@/{{Night}} This Troper]] recalls saying something to the effect of "Marry me, angel of mercy" to a girlfriend who handed him a bottle of water in the parking lot for hiking/backpacking up (and down, as he had just done) San Jacinto. It was good a for a smile and a kiss, but that's not the girl I gave a ring to. * This troper was at a party watching some folks do karaoke, and was massively bored. Out of the clear blue, a really cute, really nice stranger sits down and a three-hour conversation commenced which covered everything from the sad attempts of the singing around us, to the recession, to how to live a meaningful life. Massive subversion in that when we were finished, we said goodbye and never spoke again. * This troper recently invoked this trope upon learning that a fellow -- ''male'' -- cosplayer had actually gone the extra mile and been brave enough to ''wear false eyelashes'' while cosplaying as [[TengenToppaGurrenLagann Kamina]].

* Happened to [[TheTallOne me.]] I was sitting in a Starbucks reading Discworld/MenAtArms when the guy working noticed what I was reading. He asked if it was a Discworld book, and when I responded in the positive, he literally got on one knee and asked me to marry him. Somewhat averted in that a few of the people in the Starbucks though he was actually proposing and started clapping. * Pick a hot, smutty fanfic on the LiveJournal StarTrek communities. At least one comment will contain a marriage proposal. * Not so much geeky unless you find reading cookbooks to be a nerd thing, but this troper has had several conversations that were a variation on this theme: --> "Dinner's served." --> *guest takes a bite* "Marry me." ** Her partner has also been badgered by relatives to not let her get away. * Myself on the TroperTales page for TheWorldEndsWithYou. * This troper met her current boyfriend on a forum about ''DungeonsAndDragons''. We were discussing TabletopGames, VideoGames but also geopolitics, societal pressure and many other subjects with other forum participants. When he found out that this troper was actually female and not a {{GIRL}} (you know, tits or it didn't happen and everything) his immediate reaction has been: --> "A [[DistaffCounterpart female counterpart]]... Will you marry me?" * Over the course of a conversation, [[@/SabresEdge this troper]]'s friend revealed that, as a result of being born in Hong Kong pre-1997, she had a British passport. My immediate response: "Marry me!" (We're still close friends over the internet, but in a purely platonic manner.) * This troper was on her way to her locker, when she noticed a boy was following her. --> Boy: Will you go out with me? --> Me: I'm flattered, but I dont even know you. --> Boy: Oh. Okay then. ({{Beat}}) Will you marry me. --> Me: Um... no. * When this troper was in Italy, most of us couldn't pronounce the food well, but the waiter jokingly made us try, anyway. My oldest sister then pronounced hers perfectly. Our waiter's reaction: "Are you married?" * [[{{Mhwal}} This Troper]] had an exchange like this in grade 11 upon discovering that the girl he was talking to was also a fan of ''{{ALF}}''. It went something like this: --> Me: Will you marry me? --> Girl: (mock indignation) Don't you know, I'm already engaged to Alf! * This troper [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h54TQv61IsU&feature=email&email=comme nt_reply_received left a comment on a youtube clip]] of TheGamers, expressing her distress over the 'girls don't play D&D!' stereotype: --> Gary Anyanka: *sighs* Girls can be gamers too! I'm a girl, and I happen to love playing [[DungeonsAndDragons D&D]]. I want to get into more kinds of [[TabletopGames tapbletop RPGs]] in college and I really

wanna try LARPing. -->The Motley Group Of One: Marry me. * I can't imagine dating a guy who didn't game,&#65279; that'd be so ... weird. * So, this cute guy I've been seeing all of 2 weeks mentions over the phone that he collects unique stuffed animals and keeps them in a pile of fluff in his room as a pick-me-up. Next words out of my mouth are, "Okay, don't run for the hills but...Marry me." I mean, come on! That kind of confident weirdness is incredibly sexy and cuddling was definitely on the menu. Ten year later, the toys are still there, but now I'm his favorite stuffed animal. ;) * This troper has a 15 year old second cousin that lives in Nashville who is basically trying to be "The Next Taylor Swift". Despite my groanings against meeting her, my family finally drove up to visit over winter break. After about an hour of small talk, A.B. and I finally hit our stride and conversed for 3 hours. The discussion lept from religion, to social injustice, to everything in between. Given, she can't write a song or sing to save her life, but she sure is a cool bro. Even complimented my hair. * In class, my classmate Zach was wearing an [[TheBeatles Abbey Road]] tee-shirt. --> '''Me:''' Ooh, nice shirt, I love the Beatles! --> '''Zach:''' Hmm... True or false-- Ringo Starr was NOT the original drummer. --> '''Me:''' True. --> '''Zach:''' What was the original drummer's name? --> '''Me:''' [[ThePeteBest Pete Best.]] --> '''Zach:''' Who was the other character in Eleanor Rigby besides the obvious Eleanor? --> '''Me:''' Father [=MacKenzie=]. --> '''Zach:''' ''(certain I will miss this one-- everyone does)'' What is the last song on {{Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band}}? --> '''Me:''' ''(without hesitation)'' ''A Day In The Life.'' --> '''Zach:''' ...will you marry me? * I have done this several times, but I can recall two specifically right now. Once, when a trombone player in my class came up with a magnificent story behind one of the pieces which was a lot better than the ACTUAL story, and here on TV Tropes, on the WMG page for HarryPotter, to whoever made the theory "Barty Crouch Jr. is [[Series/DoctorWho the Doctor]] and is trying to prevent the creation of [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward Cullen]], who is really [[HarryPotter Cedric]] possessed by an undead vampiric alien entity." This is now my canon for all three, don't tell me otherwise. ---You like EngagingConversation too? We must get married! ----

<<|TroperTales|>>

EnsembleDarkhorse * [[{{Etheru}} This Troper]] is absolutely ''attached'' to Duo of the ''MegaMan'' games, sure, his first official appearance was ''MegaMan 8'', which sucked, but that doesn't mean I haven't grown attached to the character. * When [[{{Tolchok}} I]] saw KillBill for the first time, I just became attached to Elle. I don't know what it is, maybe it's her eyepatch, but she really left an impression. * My favorite dwarf in SnowWhite was always Grumpy. Dunno why. * Theo Kypri's pilot character in Tomorrow Never Dies. Yeah, the same guy who shows up for two minutes, tries to kill our hero, and has no lines of dialogue. And the half-second shot of him shaking in his cockpit as he fires his machine guns? Gets me every time, for some reason. * After seeing a live production of ''{{Rent}}'' [[{{Tropers/ZetsUboa}} I]] have inexplicably become attached to the Squeegee Man. * This troper's entire family's favorite character in the movie [[ScottPilgrim "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World"]] was, without a doubt, Wallace Wells. * After playing YggdraUnion, this Troper became extremely attached to Inzaghi. His GoldfishPoopGang and ButtMonkey status soon turned him into TheWoobie for me. My eyes even watered up after Inzaghi's death, especially since he was [[HeelFaceTurn betrayed]] and [[KickTheDog killed by someone who was supposed to be his ally]]. * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]] says [[FinalFantasyX Lulu,]] [[FinalFantasyIV Rydia,]] and [[{{Persona4}} Rise]]. They left a [[{{Nosebleed}} good impression,]] [[PerverseSexualLust alright!]] * [[Tropers/CabbitGirlEmi This tropette]] sees RickMoranis as this. In a nutshell, he kinda is this in RealLife, not just by comparing him with the more profilic comedians like BillMurray and SteveMartin, both of them happening to be his friends, but for the fact that he is semiretired. And I should state for a fact that Rick has a special place in my heart, kind of like another dad. * This Troper LOVES Deidara. She can't help it. * Oddly, this gaming Troper tends to see most characters that others see as {{Ensemble Darkhorse}}s as TheScrappy. [[AceAttorney Shi-Long Lang]]? Can't stand him. [[{{Okami}} Oki]]? Don't like him. And so on. * [[Tropers/DrZulu2010 This troper]] and his brother love Pang Tong from the [[{{DynastyWarriors}} Dynasty Warriors]] games so much that we turn him into a mix of [[{{MemeticBadass}} China conqueror]] and [[{{ThisIsYourPremiseOnDrugs}} Drug addict]] which makes him {{Crazy Awesome}} ** He also wanted to add [[{{AceAttorney}} Dick Gumshoe and Jean Armstrong]] the former is because of his ButtMonkey status (seriously, who doesn't want to hug him) and the latter because he certainly the most funny character in PhoenixWright I've got the pleasure to see. * This is probably the wrong page, but at our school there' an EnsembleDarkhorse residing in a teacher. Our school is a Catholic School, very strict on everything but behaviour. The students are

mostly all bad-mannered and everything, and treat the school like they own the place. In this shining mess, there are great teachers, there are AWESOME teachers, and then there's this troper's music and Home Group teacher, Mrs. Axman. She is probably the coolest teacher in the entire school, as for Music class she brings her own music for us to analyse for the Aural practice tasks, she throws board dusters at the guys who speak in class, she isn't afraid to tell people who are talking to shut it, swears constantly at the worse students, and best of all, she is actually helpful in class and got our class through the exam period a few months ago. It is somewhat helped that our previous teacher was considerably more condescending and less helpful, but it does not detract from her standing as one of the best teachers to come to our school for about 10 years. * Although Lola Bunny is TheScrappy to many, she was (and still is) an Ensemble Darkhorse to [[{{Tropers/Fungal88}} this tropette]]. Because of this, she is afraid that she will get attacked by {{Fan Hater}}s who agree with what the NostalgiaCritic had to say about her and might accuse her of being a [[FurryFandom furry]] or liking a MarySue what was shoehorned into the LooneyTunes gang during the last few years of TheRenaissanceAgeOfAnimation. * {{@/Tidal_Wave_17}}: Honestly, one of the only reasons I watch {{Glee}} is just to hear what genius lines Brittany says next. Oh, and for the [[ArsonMurderAndJayWalking music.]] * This Troper once had to draw a comic for Science, explaining the Rock Cycle, to present to the class. It starred some random rock with a dry sense of humor as they (I never could decide a gender) basically became the world's Chew Toy and went through the rock cycle at an exponential rate. I was surprised to find that no one cared about the rock, but everyone loved the random, awkwardly drawn fish that swam in the backround of the sea. Don't know why. * This troper has a habit of becoming attached to EnsembleDarkhorse[=s=] in various media - she loves [[{{Anime/Pokemon}} Nando]], [[{{Neopets}} Hoban]], and [[TheHungerGames Cinna]], among others. * This Troper is particularly attached to a certain character added in the third season of his own comic series, Cody. So much that I've decided to give him his own {{spinoff}}. Needless to say, if these comics were public he'd be in grave danger of becoming {{The Wesley}}. * This Troper really likes [[PercyJacksonandtheOlympians Rachel and Nico]]. ** Also, [[DannyPhantom Sydney Poindexter and Kwan]]. * Out of this troper's many characters, there are [[IdenticalStranger two ]] (relatively minor) [[OurDemonsAreDifferent ones]] [[{{Bishonen}} that]] [[EyesOfGold are]] [[WhiteHairedPrettyBoy physically]] [[HandicappedBadass identical]]. One is a LawfulNeutral, (though leaning towards LawfulEvil) semi AscendedDemon and nearliteral BattleButler with shades of WickedCultured and ServileSnarker mixed in. He's (purposefully) something of a FetishFuelStationAttendant, according to a friend. The other is a yandere-ish HumanoidAbomination [[PsychopathicManchild with the intelligence and vocabulary of a somewhat dull toddler]]. Left to his own devices, he would [[AxeCrazy go on an eternal killing spree,

murdering every person he encountered]] until someone managed to incapacitate him ([[CaptainObvious hard to do]], since he's immortal). Aside from never bathing in his life and being covered in injuries (for starters: gouged out eyes, resulting in oozing, festering wounds over the remains of his eye sockets, his throat has been slashed multiple times, he's been stabbed and shot in the chest to the point that you could see inside his chest cavity if he removed his shirt, etc...) He's basically [[SoulSeries Voldo]] meets Smiledog meets [[Left4Dead a witch]], so I'd always assumed that he was far too freaky for anyone aside from me to like, which was the point. For whatever reason, the vast majority of people that have seen my drawings have adored the second one, even asking me to draw him for them and claiming to find him sexy- for very [[HurtComfortFic strange reasons]]. The same people find the first character creepy and "scarylooking". The hurt/comfort part almost makes this make sense. But... yeah, no. It doesn't. I'm so confused. ** Frighteningly, If you combined the two described you'd have something very similiar to this troper's personality, only I have a hideously collosal vocabulary I tend to beat people to death with. Not really sure why I posted this, it just scared me a bit and thought it should be known....bye. ** I'm not sure if I want to be delighted to find a real-world counterpart to two of my favorite characters, or very, very afraid... [[NightmareFetishist Needless to say, I'm intrigued.]] * This troper's best friend has a talent for creating good, roundedout characters. The problem is we get really, really attached to them in our roleplays. A recent example: a {{Cloudcuckoolander}} girl initially created to be a convenient {{Love Interest}} to our [[TheStoic apathetic]] [[EnsembleDarkhorse side character]]. The intention was to have some nice {{Character Development}} for her already-existing character, and maybe a small {{Relationship Upgrade}}. We ended up roleplaying the entirety of their interactions before the protagonists got there. [[HilarityEnsues It]] [[CrowningMomentofAwesome was]] [[ObfuscatingInsanity awesome]]. * This troper runs a DarkHeresy game for all of my friends, and created a huge cast of [=NPCs=] that act as advisors and informants to the players. During the last game, they became attached to a Blood Ravens Apothecary by the name of Harkon. Unlike the rest of his [[{{AwesomenessByAnalysis}} chapter]], he was completely AxCrazy. The players by far found him the most entertaining out of all of the [=NPCs=], even counting the BunnyEarsLawyer Inquisitor and [[{{LargeHam}} villain]]. They continuously request Harkon to return in every game but I only use him ocaisionally to prevent overuse. ** I guess you were inspired by TSOALR. [[WildMassGuessing Guess Kren and Frep drove him mad]]...[[ButtMonkey again.]] * This Troper and his brother turned ''GoldenEye 007'''s Mishkin into a MemeticBadass and created a strange worshipping chant for him. It went something like "[[LargeHam Weeee praaayy tooooo]] [[NoPronunciationGuide Meeeeesshhkiiin!]] [[NoIndoorVoice Mmmuuuuuuuueeeeesshhkiiin!]]" It was accompanied by [[WhatDoYouMeanItWasntMadeOnDrugs bouncing up and down in our seats, putting a finger to the sides of our noses and moving it up and down

really really fast]]. Ten years later, I have ''no idea'' how or why it happened, but Mishkin was the epitome of {{Badass}}ery for a good few months for us. * This troper would like to argue that [[TheLancer Almaz]] [[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass Von]] [[ImprobablyCoolName Almandine]] [[DeadpanSnarker Adamant]] is the true star of {{Disgaea3}} * For some reason, I really liked Juji Minami from NabariNoOu, even before the ''one'' episode where she got a decent amount of screen time. I think it might be because she has [[YouGottaHaveBlueHair awesome]] [[EveryGirlIsCuterWithHairDecs hair]] while being a little girl. * this trooper love's Tommy from Doctor who despite he was only in one episode well she would doesn't what him in anther episode she does wish people would write fanfic for him. * This Troper, is probably the only male non furry who adores Minotaurs, and Mime off HappyTreeFriends. * [[Tropers/CanzetTheCoyote This troper]], despite being incredibly nerdy and awkward was pretty much the EnsembleDarkhorse of his high school class. I was really popular and I was the [[FurryFandom furry]] who never went to any parties or proms and pretty much geeked out over old cartoons at my computer. Also, I'm a HUGE fan of Shifty Dingo from BlinkyBill and Salty from AlphaAndOmega. * Like I said on the FandomHeresy page, C-ko is my favorite character in [[ProjectAKo Project A-ko]]. She may be the TheScrappy to many, but she is loved by me. * Kyle, a friend of mine's, is one of these at my school. Although it may have something to do with his [[DeadpanSnarker snarkiness]], which does serve as a CrowningMomentOfFunny sometimes. He is so popular, that he is the only one I actually refer to by name whenever I post any of my own personal TroperTales revolving around my friends and family. * Waluigi is this Troper's favorite character in the Mario universe(even though he only has appeared in games I don't like and Mario Kart so far). I think I speak for many fans when I say he should have his own game, or at least a minor role in a non-party-sportskart-game. * Who's [[Tropers/PhantomDusclops92 this troper]]'s favourite character in the Pokmon anime? As my nickname should suggest, Timmy Grimm/The Phantom, May's rival for the Verdanturf Town Contest. Only two episodes, but he haves: CoolMask, NiceHat, WhiteGloves, BadassCape, JasonGriffith as his American voice and YumikoKobayashi in the Japanese dub. Also Dusclops is an awesome Pokmon. * Is it possible to have an ensemble darkhorse story arc? For me the Mandalore episodes of StarWarsTheCloneWars are the most interesting ones, since it is IMO a great play of black and grey or black and black morality as the Death Watch hate pacifism to the point of ultimate ridiculousness and duchess Satine seems to be the worst choice for an authority figure since those wacky comedies with children in charge of nations. I hope this gets a nice resolution at the very end of the show. * LooneyLuver: Here are some of my favorite characters (who aren't, obviously, primary main characters):

** LUNA LOVEGOOD: Starting in OrderofthePhoenix. She's just awesome. I think she's also something of a AudienceAvatar. In middle and High school, reading became TheScrappy activity, and I was a bit of an outcast (it also didn't help that, as a Gay, living in the Midwest, I had to be on the dl, but I'm so campy I was hated by most of the my underperforming peers). The Luna, ThePollyanna of the series came and took away all the pain. -I loved his Comedy Central Presents, and "Completely Serious". So when DanielTosh got his own show, I was very happy. Haven't missed an episode/ -Kitty from That70'sShow. Her laugh is what endeared her to me (and is a MemeticMutation around my house). Then she hit menopause and just got even better. -Vivi of FFIX: he's got better HP and durability (surprisingly) than Eiko and Garnet, and he learns most of his spells quickly. Plus, his own part of the Story is soooo freakin' sad it's not surprising he's such a Woobie. -Asuma of Naruto fame: But really [[Bara that's for another reason altogether]]. * Am I the ONLY one who thinks that [[ChickTracts Jack Chick's]] TheGrimReaper is bloody [[{{Squee}} ADORABLE?]] "Hi there! /REAPS". * I'm just gonna say that I used to never really care much about Sableye. Then, just last week, I decided to do a run through of Pokemon Sapphire using mostly Pokemon I never really thought much about before. I caught a Sableye in Dewford cave and named her Alma. With her Dark/Ghost typing, she had no real weakness, and was a helpful asset to my team. Being female and having Shadow Ball, she SWEPT Elite 4 Phoebe's team, and finished of Drake's annoying Salamence. I was so attached to her at this point, I let her loose on Steven. She was defeated, but not without her taking down his Claydol, Cradily, and even his Metagross. When his Armaldo defeated her, I was pissed, and had my Swampert destroy his remaining team members. I imported her to Platinum to help against the Battle Frontier, and will soon be put on Black. Needless to say, Alma turned Sableye into one of my absolute favorites in the Pokemon series. * [[Tropers/OriginalHobbit I]] have prepared a list of all mine. ** From {{Skins}}: *** Seasons 1-2: Effy *** Seasons 3-4: JJ *** (American) Season 1: Cadie ** From ScoobyDoo: *** Velma ** From TheLWord: *** Dana (yes I know what happens to her) ** From {{Glee}}: *** Season 1: Quinn *** Season 2: Santana or Blaine, I can't choose. ** From HarryPotter: *** Order Members: Tonks *** The D.A. Members: Luna *** Overall: Neville * In [[Tropers/AdelePotter my]] fanfiction, I have two original

characters-- a LoveInterest [[StarCrossedLovers for the main character]], and a little sister named Celeste. The readers simply ''love'' Celeste, probably due to quotes like this: --> Soon, theyre gonna get married, and Zos dress will be made of grass and chocolate and shell wear daisies and opals in her hair and instead of a cake, theyll have a banana cream pie! * This Troper has an awkward habit of seeing characters who people think are TheScrappy as [[EnsembleDarkhorse Ensemble Darkhorses]] and characters who people think are the EnsembleDarkhorse as [[TheScrappy Scrappys]], the only exception being [[SuperMarioBros Luigi]]. * In [[CarnivorousMoogle this troper's]] first RP, a {{Dragoncave}} RP which went on for several years, she brought in a character from the {{Dragonadopters}} 'verse, a Fire Wyvern named Hellcat. His exploits included [[FunnyBackGroundEvent wheeling by on a unicycle during moments of annoying soap-opera drama,]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny bursting in on other characters in the middle of]] [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean a private moment]] to announce anything from hordes of monsters attacking the castle to [[ArsonMurderAndJayWalking food burning in the oven,]] [[RunningGag constantly being on the run from an enraged flock of geese,]] being thrown through windows into the area where other characters are interacting and shrugging off questions as to how it happened, popping up in random places he should have been logically unable to reach/fit into (a la [[MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic Pinkie Pie]]), [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming convincing a suicidal character to live]] ''[[BeyondTheImpossible when her RPer was determined to kill her off,]]'' [[ObfuscatingStupidity outsmarting a resident]] MagnificentBastard [[ObfuscatingStupidity by twisting his]] ExactWords [[ObfuscatingStupidity into a binding oath to return to his]] [[SealedEvilInACan can]] [[FateWorseThanDeath for all eternity,]] [[PapaWolf fighting until he was nearly dead to protect the nursery (which had been forgotten about by the other characters) in the middle of a wolf invasion,]] [[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadAss taking on an insanely powerful Nightmare by himself]] [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome and winning,]] and [[HeroicSacrifice using his soul to block the tunnel into a]] DarkWorld [[HeroicSacrifice with endless armies of shadow creatures, saving not just the castle inhabitants but just about everyone on the continent in the process.]] Oh, and [[ArsonMurderAndJayWalking he had a silly British accent.]] Lurkers and other RPers alike agree that all this was done without powerplaying or devolving into a GaryStu; this troper has gotten fanart and even fanfiction from random people on the forums for Hellcat, and received (joking) death threats from other RPers if she ever releases the adoptable on which he was based. Her characters actually have a tendency to do this on mild levels, but Hellcat was the most extreme and notable example. ---The EnsembleDarkhorse page? ''I love that page!'' ----

EnsignNewbie * TheAntiTed: As of June 2008, and probably until about three-quarters through my current tour, I ''am'' EnsignNewbie. As is every other junior officer who checked onto my US Navy cruiser at the same time as me. Our ranks are even actually "Ensign". What's worse, RealLife doesn't always act like fiction and so due to admin issues, I currently have no experienced Chief Petty Officer to keep me from wandering completely clueless down the passageway. This is the unfortunate result of the Navy doing away with its preliminary Surface Warfare Officer school before new Ensigns check on board. Each officer is expected to learn on the job. There's probably too many tales in this to tell, but half of them basically involve someone telling me I have to go do something, and me saying, "what?" Shrugging your shoulders in puzzlement is reffered to as "the Ensign Salute". ** April 09 now, and I'm doing much better. You're absolutely right about the not needing to know everything, just needing to know where to find it. And in typical Navy style, after 5 months of no Chief, I now have two. * Clendy82: Not to worry. I figured out during my four years in that new officers aren't expected to know everything as they are expected to know where to find things out. The most common and preferred answer to a question to which you don't know the answer is, "I don't know, sir, but I'll find out." You don't know anything, so it's not like you can BS your way through an answer. Usually once you get your SWO pin, you'll have a good handle on how things work. Or you could remain perpetually clueless until you hit O-3, fall asleep on watch sitting on a stool, have the ship take a roll, causing you to fall over, crack your skull open on the back of a console, and remain unconscious for the better part of the two days it takes the ship to turn around and go back to home port so we can haul your thoroughly useless dead weight out onto the pier into a waiting ambulance to the hidden but sincere relief of 98% of the crew who can turn around and go back to sea without worrying about your meddling incompetence. I wish I were making that up. No pressure, though. The moral of the story is: Feigned knowledge is always worse than honest ignorance. ** I could also tell you about the lieutenant who, upon leaving the ship for his change of duty station, [[NoodleIncident was slapped by an irate female ensign who screamed, "You think you can fuck me and leave me?!" in full view of the assembled wardroom]], but that's probably for another time. *** More details please, it sounds fun. ** Oh, and the petty officer 1st class who performed his job so badly that he was replaced as division LPO...by a 3rd class petty officer about ten years his junior. In response to which, upon leaving the command, he was suspected of (nothing proven) cutting holes in several of the below-decks fire hoses. * The Moustache Man: Mine isn't so good, but we did manage to prove Murphy's Law as pertains to butter-bars, compasses, and maps. Artillerymen don't like ruck-marches to begin with, and we sure don't like having to backtrack a good kilometer through muskag because the

LT was holding the map upside-down. I wish I was making this up. * JCDaedalus: I'm currently serving my two years of mandatory military service in the Air Force (note: I'm not serving in the US) doing Air Traffic Control. Commissioned officers are trained as Aerodrome Controllers, where they basically get to do all the talking and transmitting, whilst NCOs are trained as Tower Specialists, where they do just about everything else necessary to ensure safe and expeditious airfield operations (i.e. phone calls, vehicular movement, ground aircraft movement). Though it's the officers who maintain executive control within the Tower, teamwork is essential, and the Controllers and Specialists have to watch each other's backs, such as reminding each other of hazards, pointing out potential dangers and conflicts in the flying. As one of the more senior Specialists (I'm a sergeant) in the squadron, I've seen many newly-rated 2LT Controllers commit mistakes out of ignorance or dangerous overconfidence and have had to interfere and guide them along. Most of them are quite nice for the part, though, and will thank me for pointing it out. Our Flight Officer Commanding has seemingly noticed this trend, and always stressing to the junior officers that it's essential that they listen to their Specialists, especially if they have had more experience. * LawyerDude: Not military, but after four years of university, three years of Law School and completing the Bar Exam, I could tell you the finer points of the Rule Against Perpetuities and the Interstate Commerce Clause. On joining my first law firm, I couldn't tell you how to argue a routine discovery motion or how to set up a pretrial conference (y'know, the things new attorneys actually ''do''.) Thank the Gods for paralegals.

* Not a military story, but something of an inversion. I was working as an intern at a major electrical utility, nominally under a senior engineer, and was given the task to oversee the installation of some equipment into a power box and make sure it was done to spec. The electrician, who'd been in his job for over twenty years and didn't hesitate to tell me as much, got busy while I watched. I noticed he was doing something dangerous (about to open-circuit a current transformer which is a big no) and tried to bring it to his attention. He turned around in time to begin his spiel about how he'd been in his job for twenty years and I was just some stupid little intern and FzzzzEEEEET ... thud ... <<|TroperTales|>>

EpicFail * [[DialgaX This Troper]] once saw someone in his EMT class critically fail several times in the practical section of the test. The poor guy's critical failures: ** Giving nitroglycerin[[hottip:*:Angina medication]] to a diabetic

who was in the midst of a hypoglycemia episode.[[hottip:*:In other words, they had low blood sugar.]] ** Forgetting C-Spine while using the KED.[[hottip:*:Didn't protect a patient's neck while extracting them from an accident.]] ** I can't remember the rest, but the "victim" said he died 5 times in a row. *** [[ViewersAreGeniuses ...?]] * [[{{Tropers/HG131}} This Troper]] managed to flip three choppers over (upside fucking down) and crash them... in a row on [[BattlefieldBadCompany Battlefield Bad Company 2]]. THREE! ** I also drink alot of juice, as a replacement for the 5 cans of soda a day I used to drink. Without fail, I '''will''' spill some, either on me or the floor. Every time. * [[{{Tropers/luckoftheknife}} This Troper]] I was in second grade, it was recess in KIN, an after school daycare program, that was actually pretty good for daycare standards. There were 3 kids, all of which were in fifth grade. You can see where this was going... I was their ChewToy for the longest time, until one of them crossed the MoralEventHorizon by smashing my head into the concrete sidewalk,then they drag me into the center of the playground, and I prep for the worst.Then, my friend makes a BigDamnHeroes moment, tackling one of them, beating the shit out of him. My other friend followed soon behind, tapping one guy's shoulder and KO'ing him instantly. Then five other kids joined us. It turns out the Kins director was watching the whole thing, and laughing his ass off that 3 fifth graders that were around 5'7 couldn't stand a group of 7 4'3 kids. The end result was a massive MadeOfWin for everyone involved, minus the fifth graders. It only strengthened our bond as a Nakama, now I act as a GadgeteerGenius, as well as the SmartGuy. * [[Tropers/{{McAwsome}} This troper]] once watched a group of idiots kick a ball into a tree, after trying desperately to get things out the end result of things stuck was... ** One soccer ball ** Three basketballs ** Two footballs ** A hula-hoop ** Two jump ropes *** Why they got a hula-hoop and two jump ropes stuck I'll never know... *** It's also worth noting that anything they freed would get stuck THE VERY NEXT THROW ** This reminds me of a rather funny similar scene in ''I.Q.''. * [[Tropers/{{Nintendude527}} This troper]] was talking to one of his friends at school once, when my friend said something I didn't like (don't remember what exactly), so I jokingly said that if he said that again I would break his glasses, to which he responded "dude, you can't break these glasses, they're the bendy kind, watch". He then took off his glasses, started bending them apart at the bridge... AND SNAPPED THEM IN HALF. That was at least 4 years ago and still cracks me up to this day. ** On a related note, ThisTroper's best friend was showing off his new flexible glasses at his birthday party (15 or so). After bending them

a bit - proving they were, indeed, the flexible variety - he proceeded to accidentally snap them at the nose-bridge. Cue his stunned silence, some laughter, and him just matter-of-factly yelling "Moooom!" while holding up the two halves. ** The same thing happened to ThisTroper, except the person who broke the glasses was the saleslady at the glasses store, trying to convince me to buy them. * [[{{Tropers.Kyuubiku}} This troper]] was playing the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World retro-style game on his Xbox 360 with 2 friends. They were all playing as their own respective characters on the hardest difficulty, when they weren't even all at the highest level. They were on the level where you make your way to the Katayanagi twins to beat them. When they finally got to the twins, the battle started and then abruptly ended... In less than 5 seconds... Because the twins immediately used a dual spinning kick move alongside each other... And they killed each other... Yeah... ** I can beat that. They performed their dual spinning kick on me when I was fighting them alone, and while I was critically damaged, they were immediately killed...because they hit me so hard that I ricocheted off of the wall and [[GrievousHarmWithABody smacked STRAIGHT INTO THEM AGAIN.]] * [[{{Tropers.Fergzilla}} This troper]] experienced moments of Epic Fail when I play haxxored MAME arcade games ("haxxored" meaning "with cheats activated"): ** I was playing a cute Namco puzzler called ''Cosmo Gang the Puzzle''. I set that game up so that I could get star pieces all the time, so that every time I drop a piece, I get [[PinballScoring 300,000-500,000 pts per drop]]. Once I reached [[{{Cap}} 9,999,999 pts]] in a few seconds, I then deactivated the cheats only to find that now my piece is all-black and it kept falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling.... It was enough to have my piece MOVE OUTSIDE THE PLAYING GRID, too!!! I wasn't able to enter in my initials and was forced to exit out of my game. Fortunately, I'm part of the "[[MemeticMutation pics or it didn't happen]]" club, as I screencap/take pictures of every time I reach the Cap of any of my games. ** I was also playing ''GigaWing'' with cheats activated, too. Guess what, a few stages later, my game FROZE before it could be able to reach that stage's boss. ** I was playing a haxxored game of Senkyu (known as Battle Balls outside of Japan. Yes, I mean Battle Balls...) on VS. COM mode, and I managed to get [[{{Cap}} 99,999,990 pts]] due to being able to clear the playing grid more. Once I finished the VS. COM mode once and for all, the game saved my score as '''119,990 pts!!!!''' I didn't experience the same problem when I maxed out the score in [[EndlessGame Practice/ Endless]] mode, though... ** While I was just about finishing a haxxored OutRun (the original arcade version) with max speed (about [[UpToEleven 996km/h]]) and infinite time (timer always displays 99 seconds), I was watching as my bonus gets added to my score. The bonus, in case you don't know, is "how many seconds left in the timer [[PinballScoring times a million]]". In this case, my bonus SHOULD be 99,000,000 pts, which

should be MORE THAN enough to reach the score's {{Cap}}. The game stopped adding my bonus at around 70,000,000-some pts, though. Cue rage. I guess Sega's games fail SIMPLE MULTLIPICATION forever. And to make matters even more epic fail-ish, once I entered in my initials, the game just FROZE there. I tried pushing every button there is on my controller. Didn't work. I'll post some more instances of Epic Fail as a result of haxxoring MAME games here later if I find any. Maybe you could top my video game/scoring/haxxorz Epic Fail experiences, too. * This troper was once drinking a glass of water, and missed his mouth. ** You should seek help for your [[{{Airplane}} drinking problem.]] ** My aim attempting to get food or drink to my mouth can be iffy. I buy a ''lot'' of stain removal products for my clothes. * [[{{Tropers.ReveriePlanetarian}} This troper]] has GranTurismo 5, and was racing in an entry-level compact cars event. It was a championship with three races in it. On the final round, the car which this at-the-time points leader and the current race leader, [[GiantKilling in an underpowered but super-agile car,]] was driving managed to hit a rumble strip on the inside of a corner too hard, tipped onto the outside and rolled over. By the time the game decided to step in and place the car back on the track right-side up, the whole field had overtaken the leader. Poor driver finished dead last. * For some epic communication fail, see {{Haven}}'s tale on the [[JustBugsMe/ThePrincessBride Princess Bride JBM page]]. * [[John117XL This troper]] had a campaign where we pissed off some pyromaniac dwarves who were setting a monastery on fire. The DM had one of the dwarves attack another member of the party with a thrown axe. Two critical failures later, the axe landed on one of the unconscious monks we were supposed to be rescuing (and who had been cloaked with invisibility in an effort to save them)... and split his skull open. Cue {{Cluster F Bomb}}s from the cleric in our group who was a member of the monk's order. * A while back, I posted a YKTTW for EpicFail (this was while EpicFail was "not as epic as it should be", my idea being to add a page like this). I had one example: posting a heartfelt YKTTW entry, with a fairly in-depth description and an over-the-top example situation, and then realising I didn't have any examples to put on. * [[{{Kasu}} This Troper]] keeps telling everybody that he is the embodiment of Epic Fail, and his friends all agree: from basically being clumsy to failing at everything under the sun at least once (including swings, cream soda, and NOT MOVING) * Thank goodness it wasn't anything in the real world (but it still wouldn't be appropriate to put in the VideoGame section), but [[WildKnight this troper]] was playing BatmanArkhamAsylum last night. I got up to the part where [[spoiler:Batman returns to the Batcave he built (''[[CrazyPrepared just in case the Joker broke free and started causing mayhem on Arkham Island]]'').]] Feeling a bit of awe at the situation, I power-walked my way in, admiring the scenery and feeling a sense of great satisfaction when [[spoiler:Batman said "On." and powered the place up, complete with sweeping orchestral theme]]. So I'm power-walking into [[spoiler:the Batcave]], feeling like a total

{{badass}}...and then I walked straight off the walkway into the bottomless pit. I managed to recover myself (the game allows Batman to grapple his way back up to the last safe platform if he falls off), but there's no doubt in my mind that the Goddamn Batman falling off a walkway, quickly recovering, and walking onward like a cat who just fell off a table, [[spoiler:(in his own home base, at that!)]], is a Fail of Epic Proportions. * [[{{thatother1dude}} This troper]] once lost a game of tic-tac-toe '''to myself'''[[hottip:* :as in when I was a kid I was practicing by playing both sides and when placing them accidently ended up having the side ''I didn't'' want to win get three in a row]]. ** We have a winner! ** [[{{MiraShio}} Mira-chan]] loses to herself in Rock, Paper, Scissors, and she has yet to perfect a dance in Step Mania that she choreographed herself. Top ''those''. *** [[{{Tropers/HG131}} HG131]] can't win his own [[HaloReach Forge World]] jumping/driving puzzle map. * Sadly the "SuperSmashBros Landmaster Fail" occurred to me in Melee, where both players had one life left in a Stock battle on Corneria, with the opponent having SIGNIFICANTLY more damage (about 100-200 more damage than me who had around 100% damage), with both player characters getting blasted by the same laser from one of the fighters that randomly swoop in, having me die the instant way at the edge of the screen, with the other player dying the long, over the top way. For the record, I was using Roy and the opponent was using Samus, so weight shouldn't have been an issue... Oh and, I was in the middle of my Smash Attack animation to send Samus to Oblivion. ** That's nothing. [[Tropers/NeoChaos I]] once watched my brother fight a Giant Falco in Classic single player. The Giant Falco managed to pick up a Smash Ball and activated his Smash special - which summoned a larger-than-normal Landmaster. This would've normally scared most players shitless once it landed, but it turns out the jumbo Landmaster ''fell right through the entire stage to Falco's death'' and gave my brother the win. The kicker was this was the Lylat Cruise stage, which doesn't have an opening in the middle to fall through to your death like Yoshi's Island - the Landmaster seemingly fell through all the normally-solid platforms on that stage. It's hard to say whether this is an epic fail on the part of [[ArtificialStupidity the AI]] or [[GoodBadBugs Brawl's programmers]]. *** Wow. I was once Sonic the Hedgehog on Bridge of Eldin, three stock, and I did everything I could to make him as fast as possible: Fast motion, Bunny Hood, Curry. So, I was goofing around, when I accidentally ran off the edge of the screen. By then, the bridge had broken, so when I dropped from the life platform, Sonic grabbed the edge, but when I got up, he ran forward, off the screen. He fell from the life platform, but I ended up getting caught under the bridge, and so I died. I tell you, it was seventeen seconds of pure hilarity. ** Computers are pretty good at these, [[TheComputerIsACheatingBastard despite other certain qualities.]] Example: Computer1 and Computer2 had a sudden death round, so Computer1 quickly smashed the other up, and taunted. On top of a falling block. He died before Computer2 did. ** This troper has beaten a Giant Yoshi in a SSBM Event Match... in

LITERALLY LESS THAN A SECOND... because [[ArtificialStupidity it had]] [[TooDumbToLive walked off the cliff.]] * This troper once took a CPR certification class. Didn't do so well and had to re-try on the practice dummy. Normal enough, right? Well, there was still air in the dummy's lungs when I re-tried which ended up causing the dummy to EXPLODE. The torso shot across the room and I was left holding the dummy's severed head. ** Ahahahaha wow, that just gave [[Tropers.ReikoKazama me]] the mental image of a dummy that's MadeOfExplodium. [=~What Do You Mean, It's Not Awesome?~=] * This troper had a high school biology class that seemed to consist mainly of the...lowest denominations of the school (class average score was in the low teens). The teacher was pretty desperate to pass people in this class and get them out of the school. This one time, the teacher put up a transparency of a test on the overhead with the answer key written on it -- ''shortly before giving us the test''. He ''left it up'' for the duration of the test, about twenty minutes. After the test, we were told to trade papers and peer-grade them using the key (''still on the overhead''). I looked at the test given to me by my neighbor. It was completely blank, except for what was written in at the top where the person's name was supposed to go: "i hat bilogy". ** This troper believes he now knows a few people that aren't getting credit...or a diploma. You were one of the passing ones, right? * While ice climbing, this troper managed to hit himself in the face with his ice pick, and break his tooth in half. * When [[{{Pinkbaron}} this troper]] was in 8th grade, she ran for student council representative. In order to run, you had to write a paragraph detailing why you should receive this position, what you would do, etc. Since she was the only one in her social studies class to put forth the effort into writing a paragraph, she was running unopposed. ''Unopposed'', mind you. '''''She still lost the election.''''' ** Wha... Buh... How does that happen? *** That's what [[{{Pinkbaron}} I've]] been trying to figure out for years! ** So who won? *** Everyone but her? ** Did she remember to vote for herself? * This troper's school's band. When I used to play the flute ( I call the Hellwhistle) we were asked to play one part of a song..I was the only one to play the part, I was the quietest one. In the brass section the teacher was trying to show how hard the trombones have practiced "Iron Man".....yes that "Iron Man". He wanted us to play LOUD and he was pumped. "ONE TWO ONE TWO READY GO!!!!.....phh" EPIC FAIL. Another time we just got a new song and we all practiced together once he hit the middle of the song it all fell apart. Sophie said "epic fail" and I played the Fail horn. FAILURE. * This troper was playing Hitman: Blood Money not long ago, on the level where you have to take out the two guys in an opera house. In the game, you were given the option of doing so by replacing a replica WW1 gun with a real WW1 gun. One actor in the opera shoots the target

with the prop gun during rehearsal, so switching the guns is a good way to make it seem like an accident happened. Well, I made my way down to the actor's dressing room and switched the guns. I went to the top of the chandelier, and planted an explosive device for dropping it on the victims lover, who was the other target. went down to the main floor to watch the proceedings. Waited. Waited. Waited. * BANG!* ... nothing. I had picked up the prop pistol and ''put it back down.'' So, I went, disguised, back to the dressing room to try again. I got caught, shooting ensued. I said to myself "fuck it, I'm killing everyone!" and proceeded to start massacring ''every single person I came across'' until I was finally shot dead after having run out of bullets, not even hitting my targets. * The barbarian FauxtivationalPoster linked on the main article? That was [[Tropers/ARandomSerf my]] story. ** Got another one. A friend and I weren't sure whether antidisestablishmentarianism was longer than (whatever his word was; I forget), so he wrote his out on the board and I matched it letter for letter, proving longer by one. Feeling the need to emphasize my victory and already having a marker in my hand, I decided to add, "Bam!" to the end. B-A-B. * Was running a 100 meter dash qualifying race but was 4th in the last leg of the race so I tried for one last boost. I missed the timing and tripped and somehow did a forward roll as I landed on the ground. Best part was of it all was that the two guys just behind me tripped over my leg when I hit the ground. lol. * In a particular forum that has clear post number for each post and no edit button: -->'''Post #21 - [someperson]:''' Post #21 is really stupid. -->'''Post #22 - [someperson]:''' I mean the post before this one -->'''Post #23 - [someperson]:''' Crap, I mena the post above the previous one * A friend of this troper will NeverLiveItDown when it comes to once incident in the Fall of 2009. He called me up when I was at work, and I knew it had to be serious since the only people who call me during work hours are either him or my parents over something important. Once I managed to get him to tell me what was up he asked how to treat food poisoning. My reaction was to ask who he had poisoned, and the answer was himself. With ''spoiled ice cream''. It gets better. Despite not knowing how he managed to spoil it (he insists it was in the freezer the whole time) he refused to go to a hospital, but it eventually passed out of him, leaving him just with indigestion for a few days and endless mocking from me. What sends this incident into EpicFail is the fact that after the first bite of this ice cream he thought it tasted weird and wondered about the ice crystals at the top of the carton, but ''he kept eating it'' and actually ate ''half a gallon of it''. That boy is a serious contender for a [[TooDumbToLive Darwin Award]] considering that he also had some sort of mold growing ''inside his oven'', which is why I never eat at his place. * This troper, with much love, has to nominate his mother here. While absentmindedly sticking her hand into a moving blender was pretty bad, her crowning achievement has to be accidentally publishing an editorial in the Washington Post that condemned a certain minority

group as evil and incapable of love. She is in fact a ''member'' of said minority group, but the people writing the hate mail didn't know that. ** How do you accidentally publish such an article? Also, I'm going to take a stab at what minority it was. Either gays or Mexicans. Because they're the top two hated minorities in the US. * So I was playing the drums... And I hit one of my cymbals, then the stick bounced out of my hand and hit me in the eye. Ouch. ** Happened to [[{{Gabel}} this troper's]] bassist during a rehearsal. His idol is [[TheWho John Entwhistle]] and he looks like him too: Locked in place with a single face. But for once he decided to have a little fun and headbang. He's placed really close to the drums and hit the crash cymbal ''head-on'' with his nose. So he had to walk around with a cut from it for some weeks. ** As a male drummer, [[SwiftStrike this troper]] can tell you the worst thing you can do is to be practicing on your thighs and miss. Yeah, hitting your own nuts with the tip of a drum stick at full playing speed is... [[Understatement not fun]] * This troper, who was known as a master wordsmith in her advanced Humanities class (and wrote an acrostic poem that was three pages long in tiny font and SesquipedalianLoquaciousness to the max), spelled the word 'strengthen' as 'stregnten' in the school spelling bee in the eighth grade. And dropped out in the second round. * [[{{Plumbum}} This Troper]] was playing TeamFortress2, and has two failspy stories, one being that, on 2fort, when we (BLU) had a team of a Scout (me, Gamertag: Plumbum 09), an Engineer, a Soldier and a Medic, a friendly Demoman decloaked in front of me with the Gamertag 'Plumbum 09', and then called me a hacker for knowing he was, in fact, a RED Spy. Also, when playing as Spy, I disguised, used my cloak and all my cunning to get into... our own base. ** I was once playing 2fort (also BLU) when we somehow let a RED engineer set up a sentry in the room with OUR intelligence. This was a fail both ways because A: This stalled the game for at least a half hour to get rid of them, and B: BLU proceeded to win the game anyway. * A minor example: this troper is walking to a morning midterm when he decides to get something from a vending machine to snack on, so he places his full coffee cup on the vending machine, puts in the money and selects. Except the thing gets stuck, and the troper starts hitting the vending machine to get it out, seeing it inch out gradually. Except after a few hits the cup of coffee falls off the machine and completely spills while the candy remains firmly lodged. Also, the midterm was for physics, which this troper is majoring in. Context is great for these sort of things. * One of this troper's friends once told him about a D&D campaign about how a female mage had tried to open a door by hitting it with her staff. The staff bounced off the door and hit her, knocking her unconscious. * Yesterday, [[InsanityPrelude I]] caught my ''foot'' in between the frame and the front wheel of my bike when it slipped off the pedal. Next thing I knew I was going over the handlebars. I'm amazed I got away with no broken bones or broken bike... but seriously, who the hell gets their foot stuck in a bike wheel?!

** Oh, that's nothing. One time, this troper flew over the handlebars and faceplanted on the asphalt because she somehow managed to get her ''left'' pant leg caught in the gears, which were on the ''right'' side of the bike. * This troper saw an amazing EpicFail while he was travelling in {{Armenia}}. While exploring the capital city of Yerevan, he mistakenly wandered into a HotBlooded [[PatrioticFervor nationalist rally]] held by a very right-wing party hoping to gain ground with the youth. After shouting some slogans, the party leaders then took a wild eagle (the eagle is considered the national symbol of Armenia much like bald eagles in the US) they caught, attached the party flag to its foot, and released it, hoping to get a [[RuleOfCool striking visual]] out of the opportunity. Unfortunately, the poor eagle finds the flag a bit too heavy...[[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotSymbolic and crashes head-first into a stone wall]] after taking flight. * Oh, God. I once tried to go home from college and I have noooo idea how I actually managed to get there. I forgot the notebook I needed to write a final essay for a class and ran back for it at the last minute, then realized I didn't have my keys, so I missed the airport shuttle. I then texted my roommate (with the last of my cell phone battery) to ask her to come unlock the room for me. She asked me if I'd locked my keys inside the dorm -- nearly impossible, as the door has an old-fashioned deadbolt, so it would be a perfect example of this trope. I hadn't, but I had locked the door. Hmm. I then got to the bus stop to wait for the next shuttle with tons of time, and at the last minute realized I didn't have my credit card. So I had to ask the shuttle driver to drive me back to my dorm to grab my credit card, and I walked in on my poor, long-suffering roommate... using her laptop topless. WHAT?! (Turned out she was distracted by her inbox while getting dressed.) I grabbed my card and ran back to the shuttle, and once at the airport nearly missed my flight. When I finally got home, I found my key IN MY POCKET. Basically, [[FinaglesLaw EVERYTHING which could go wrong, did]], and in the stupidest manner possible. * This troper was playing the obscure GBC game ''MetalWalker''. She was ''1 step away'' from a safe building when enemies attacked. They were easy to beat, but a Napalm 2 Capsule dropped in that did 100 damage to the user if they bumped into it. She had 91 max HP. Guess what happened. * Epic fails are simply better by the bunch. The entire graduating class (when [[{{MiraShio}} I]] was a sophomore) had to return their diplomas to the school after the graduation to have them corrected. They were designated as ''elementary'' graduates. ** At this troper's High School, it's tradition to have beach balls and balloons floating around the graduates as everyone is in line getting their diploma, as much as the faculty try to stop it. This year, there were the beach balls and balloons as usual, but someone managed to sneak in and inflate a life-size male blow-up doll. [[SarcasmMode Classy]]. * I was playing a fun game of 40k against a friend where, in close combat, I had to defeat his Summoned Greater Daemon. I failed to do this with 600pts. Compared to the daemon's 100pts...yeah. I only removed half of its four wounds. What made this worse is that I WAS

ONLY FIGHTING THE DAEMON! * This troper was once in a Dark Heresy campaign with the most useless assassin ever. He could sneak into any location we needed, kill anyone undetected, but never, ''never'' once managed to get out again in the way he wanted. For example, he fell from a monorail causing him to slide down half the side of a hive-city, then had to climb all the way up again. He also managed on a seperate occasion to miss the ''side of said hive from '''point blank range''' ''. (For those who don't know the 40k universe, that means he managed to miss an ''entire hemisphere'' of his field of sight). * This troper participated in a school wide spelling bee back in elementary school. Her word was "world". She began spelling, "World. W-H-O..." Noticing it sounded off, she started again, "World. W-HO..." After about three more times of this, she said 'screw it!' and finished, "World. W-H-O-R-L-D. World." Needless to say, she was out. In this troper's defense, her main language is Spanish and was still in bilingual classes to learn English at the time. Not to mention that in Spanish, the 'h' is silent. It was still Epic Fail though. ** I managed to say "The Tower of London was built in the ''twenteenth'' century" during a test at high school. Twice in a row. * One of This Troper's class mates was doing a paper that was due, at the very last minute. He not only didn't get many (if any) of the questions right. He was penalized for penmanship, not having his name on his paper and leaving questions blank. When he was handed the paper back, he was so astonished he said out loud, "Negative 20?! How the hell is that even possible?!", he said it so loud that you could probably hear it down the hallway. The teacher's score penalties where fairly steep, so it's not really all that surprising. To this day, This troper is not sure if the teacher actually wrote down -20 in her grade book, or if she just wrote down a Zero. * My cousin got "Guitar Hero: World Tour" for Christmas, and when my family went to visit him, every kid who was there played it. One of the songs had me on Bass-Beginner. I hit ZERO notes in the time it took me to fail the whole group. (Needless to say, after that, I was restricted to drums). ** That truly is an EpicFail, since Beginner mode can literally be played with one finger. Just one finger. * This Troper rows. While in a two man, one oar per man, boat (called a pair), we managed to flip so quickly that our coach, a veteran rower of 20 years, commented that it was the fastest flip he's ever seen. For reference, the average flip takes about 2 seconds to go from "the point to no return" to "splashdown". Because the coach was following in a motorboat, he let us use his boat to get back in. As I got in first, I said "[[TemptingFate God knows I am gonna go back in...]]" before promptly taking a bad step and falling off the boat. * [[{{Tropers/ICantThinkOfAWittyName}} I]] have to nominate myself for this trope. One day in third grade, the teacher said a local bridge was built in 1866. Take note: 1866. I immediately yelled at the top of my lungs, "my mum was born then!" In actual fact she was born in 1966. The teacher (and I) {{facepalm}}ed. What made it worse was that my mother was actually helping in the adjoining room to clean up the crap everyone made. She walked out, thunderous expression on her face,

holding a basket of plastic food, and said, oh-so-calmly, "[[{{Noodle Implements}} I'm going to murder you with a papaya, earbuds and an AC/DC CD.]]" No kid understood, them being third graders, but I knew very well what my mother was planning to do. * Would this count? I was coming home with a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper my dad sent me out for, when I slipped from ice on the first step from the porch, dropping the Dr. Pepper bottle. It landed on it's cap, which broke. it then flew off, landing in the bushes. Fortunately, it landed neck up, but with most of the soda and bubbles gone. * This troper's friend microwaved an Abba-Zaba candy bar for 45 seconds, against the pressing advice of others. The result was predictable. * This troper once lost to the Hammer Bros in Super Mario RPG. They're the second boss in the game. ** [[NewSuperMarioBrosWii The first two Koopa Troopas, anyone?]] Also, in co-op multiplayer, [[@/{{G-Mon}} I]] (as Mario) and my cousin (as Luigi) had just died at one point in World 7-Fortress, leaving my sister (as the blue Toad) to pop us. She fell off of a platform we needed to control to go up... [[CrowningMomentOfFunny into the pit at the bottom of that segment]]. * This Troper played the final mission of [[TraumaCenter Trauma Center Under the Knife 2]] against Atheleia (you know, that eyeball on the heart thingie.) I swear, I was winning. Swiftly severing the blood vessels as both doctor and nurse were in their CrowningMomentofAwesome giving their epic speech. I was thinking in how stupid it would be if I failed the last blood vessel. Guess what happened... TWICE!! * This troper is programming an RPG! Yay me! The first fight is a boss battle. Programming oversights in the speed system allowed the boss to take multiple turns in a row. Your first four protagonists' base HP values are 40, 32, 36, and 72. It has 2,000 HP and the most damage you can do with one character in one turn at this point is around sixty. Good luck with that! ** To elaborate, the damage formula puts out consistent numbers around 10-20 points every time it attacks. On Easy mode. I still died. *** Yay you! * This troper was playing ''[[Game/TheGodfather The Godfather]]'' video game just recently, and reached the level where the objective is to sneak into a funeral home of one of the rival families (Tattaglia), kill the henchmen on the main floor, take the elevator to the basement, and kill the man who [[spoiler: killed the player's girlfriend.]] This level was...[[{{Understatement}} a little frustrating]] for me personally, mainly because (if I acted quick enough) I could kill the henchmen on the main floor with almost no difficulty, but I kept getting gunned down by the two men protecting my target in the basement (also, even if I managed to kill him I'd have to start over because there's a specific way you're supposed to kill him). On one of these attempts, I got fed up with trying to shoot at the henchmen protecting my target, and decided to try to kill them using a Molotov. So I take aim, throw...and the Molotov falls down ''just one foot in front of me'' and blows me up. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I have resolved to never join the mafia. ** This troper also played this game frequently before she went to

college, and also has trouble with Molotovs. She was standing on the outside balcony of a warehouse and saw a bunch of mooks a little way down the road that led to the warehouse and decided to take them all out quickly with a Molotov. She threw it while crouching and the Molotov somehow bounced off the balcony railing and blew up in her face. Worst death ever. * A list of [[@/SoWeAteThem my]] larger-than-life failures, in reverse chronological order: ** On day two of my senior-year AP English class, I was part of a Socratic seminar on "TheGrapesOfWrath." I quite proudly mentioned, [[CaptainObvious as if it were the most obvious thing in the world]] that Jim Casey [[spoiler:got his head smashed in]] by Tom Joad. I didn't speak for three days after that. ** During my junior year, Dad and I succeeded in making a beef stew with the taste and texture of cat food. We used but our wits a rickety slow-cooker. ** I was practicing volleyball serves in PE. I landed on my feet, somehow fracturing a bone in my right foot in the process. I spent the rest of school, my junior high graduation, and part of summer vacation in a cast and crutches. Eighth grade was a particularly accident-prone year. ** A year prior, I chipped a tooth against the edge of a car window by slamming the door. It hit just the tooth. Nothing else. Also on my then-dentist's part as well: He managed to screw up the filling process--TWICE. One powderized after somewhere between six months and a year, the other snapped clean off within weeks. After the second time, my family switched dentistry plans. It worked. * I was a walking case of physical Epic Fail in grade school. A dear friend of mine theorizes this is because I experienced numerous growth spurts during that era (I was 5'2" by the age of 11 and 5'5" by the age of 14), but that doesn't seem enough of a "reason" for continually, without fail, tripping and skinning or cutting my knees and the palms of my hands nearly every week throughout the year. I could trip on a flat surface. I also hated P.E. class because a lot of what we did in them were sports such as flag football or basketball and no one bothered to teach me how to shoot a basket or any of the sports fundamentals (we only concentrated on the rules of the games), so I was always the worst player. I was really pleased about the chance to be a teachers' aide instead of doing P.E. in my 8th grade year and have always hated doing anything that requires physical exertion ever since, in spite of having a sweet P.E. teacher my freshman year of high school. * This Troper's life. * This Troper has up to date: 1) Twisted her wrist while trying to make jam and toast 2) speared her finger with a wooden chopstick by accident in front of her boss 3) Crashed into a tree while cycling slowly 4) Tripped over someone's shoe and sprained her ankle 5) Fallen down a flight of stairs while carrying textbooks 6) Crashed into the front row of desks while running in late during a presentation * A few years ago me and some friends tried to make nitrocellulose in chemistry class, with a small crowd of 7 year old kids watching. You'd think the worst that would happen would be some kind of explosion, but

what actually happened was that we filled the entire room with nitrogen dioxide when we tried to light it[[hottip:*: for those of you who don't know, nitrogen dioxide is pretty much the definition of DeadlyGas -- brightly coloured, toxic ''and'' corrosive]]. Luckily no one was hurt (I think it was hot enough that most of it drifted up to the ceiling), but they had to cancel classes in that room for the rest of the day. Of course, the children were too interested in the gas clouds to notice me getting the hell out of there. I'd say they were TooDumbToLive, but really it was my fault for not mentioning the potential danger to anyone. ** You got to make nitrocellulose in chem class! Wow. I'd love to try that (toxic NO2 nonwithstanding!). * Recently, my mother and sister engaged in a bit of epic alcoholic drink fail during a family dinner. First, Mom convinced her to split a "Flaming Volcano for two"... and was shocked when she saw them mixing it at the bar: "It actually has ''fire''?! I thought that was just a name!" Neither one was quite sure how to approach drinking it, either, as they were expecting a glass, not... the large bowl-like vessel with a flaming volcano in the middle they actually received. Said drink was also garnished with cherries on plastic sword skewers; my sister promptly attempted to roast the cherries, only to be reminded that oh, yeah... plastic melts. And Mom has a very low tolerance for alcohol, meaning that a few sips left her perfectly plastered, giggling and completely [[NoIndoorVoice losing her indoor voice]]. * My sister also once set the stove on fire... while trying to boil water. And then proceeded to call the fire department ''after'' it was put out. * [[{{Tropers/Snowsky}} I]] went to a Five Below with my mother looking for toy [[{{Pokemon}} Pok Balls]] for my Pokmon Trainer Halloween costume, but couldn't find any. Eventually I gave up and asked an employee if they sold them. He said yes, then showed us the place where the Pok Balls were...only they turned out to be ''{{Bakugan Battle Brawlers}}'' balls. [[{{FacePalm}} /facepalm/]] * This troper went to New York City with her friend and got some water ice. Troper somehow managed to lop off the entire top of her cup of water ice. Her friend attempted to replicate this by tipping her cup to the side...and it didn't work. Troper also managed to splash water out of her water bottle by putting it down on the table and gavew herself a nosebleed just by sneezing. It was obviously not a good day for Troper. * I began and ended my last year at secondary school with two magnificent Epic Fails. '''Day One:''' we had to go to school to get taken to our new classrooms, given our teachers' names, etc. The rendezvous was at 12. I overslept. '''Last Day:''' we were getting our final year certificates and the passes for the University exams. The diploma from the previous level, ESO, was essential. This was an A2sized card. Somehow, inexplicably, I'd ''lost'' it. I had to ''run'' uphill all the way to school (I was late again), find my mother (who works there, Crowning Moment of Embarrassment) and get her to look for it. We never did find it. (They still gave me the certificate, though.) ** On the bright side, this episode consolidated my reputation as a

true WalkingDisasterArea. * [[Tropers/{{Tabs}} My]] sister was making a poster for her club at school and asked me to critique. One of the pieces of paper had bullet points that read "A crowded earth", "Spread of waterborne diseases" and "Struggling third-world citizens" with the header "Crises", and another piece had "NIKA donates all profits by investing organizations who target projects to rid the world of unsafe sanitation" with the header "Our goal". Unfortunately, she accidentally glued "Crises" over the NIKA piece and "Our goal" over the crises. * [[Tropers/ARandomSerf This troper]] has cut himself picking up a yogurt container. Not opening it, not playing around with it, just picking it up. I have no idea how. * This troper remember reading in White Dwarf (Games Workshop official WHF/WH41k/LotR paper) about one of the people working at the paper (the editor if I remember it correctly). He had played a game against one of his workmates with his Imperial Guard against the opponents Tyranides. The opponent had chosen a Tyrant (or another big monster) which he focused all his fire on, after two round it had 1 wound left and was killing everything in his fireline a few rounds more and he had lost all his troops and had killed none of the opponents. Epic Fail anyone? * This troper had a friend who managed to fail an invasion in Risk despite outnumbering the enemy army 100-1. * [[InsanityPrelude I]] was trying for an achievement in {{Audiosurf}}, so I plugged Nightwish's "Ghost Love Score" in on Ninja Mono. Nine minutes... maybe more than that, and during the LAST MINUTE (I think. The ending "My love, will be for you," etc. repeated section.) hit a single goddamn grey. * This troper once, at the tender age of 18, attempted to make a frozen pizza. After thirty minutes in the oven and no apparent changes, I was forced to call my father to ask for advice. The problem? I had FORGOTTEN TO TO TAKE THE PIZZA OFF THE CARDBOARD TRAY. The fail did not stop there, as after the pizza was finally done, I attempted to brace it against the back of the oven to pick it up. Turns out there's a gap between the back of the oven and the end of the rack. The pizza slid down the back of the oven and ended up in a pile on the bottom. Another frantic call to dad ensued, who was forced to come over to rescue me from pizza hell. * This Troper once saw a small spider on the table. I don't like spiders, so naturally I reached for my shoe and prepared to crush it. It climbed under the table, so I bobbed my head down for it and smack my head against the table. I was outsmarted by a spider... * This troper once volunteered to be a 'victim' in the local National Guard's Disaster Response drill. My confidence in the ability to survive such an event is now in its proper place. Entertainment we had: --> Victims sprawl themselves out over the parking lot of the local stadium and do their best impressions of choking, spasms, delirious agonized screaming, or just plain dead. In 90 degree weather on blacktop, in theatrical makeup to simulate wounds for the triage team. This lasted about half an hour (looking over at the NG trucks, the command center was still being unfolded and the Guardsmen still

suiting up-after all, it was simulating a zero notice call. Can't cheat by starting the scenario with everybody all suited up and raring to go!) before somebody in the victim group declared "Guys, the Sarin has killed us all already. Knock it off before heatstroke does too." So we take it easy, slumping over whatever support is available until the NG officer declares it's time for the walking wounded to make their way to the decon tent. Walking wounded? Hell, sir, if we knew we were still able to walk, we woulda mobbed you guys straightaway, howling for help...you know that scene in Robocop, where the goon that drove into the tank of toxic waste bearhugs his buddy? Yeah, you woulda gotten that times a hundred the moment we saw the first ambulance pull up. --> Zombie walk to the decon tent, simulating victims that have been blinded by mustard gas, disoriented by nerve gas, just plain shell shocked, take your pick. Fall over a few times on purpose. Notice Guardsman standing like an idiot in the corner. Go OOC and look him straight in the face. "Hey mate, I'm supposed to be all f*cked up here, a little help?" * At this troper's middle school promotion ceremony, some people got bored and started running around the football field in their boxers. Only the students noticed. * During a multiple choice biology test, one of the kids thought he'd be smart and circled all the letters for each question. The teacher asked him why. He said that was to ensure that he got the correct answer. The teacher then said that for every correct answer, he had three wrong ones. He got a negative score and an D- for the grading quarter. * During a middle school spelling bee, this troper misspelled the only word in the entire round that she actually knew. * During a soccer game in high school gym, this troper was distracted and ended up taking a soccer ball to the side of the head for his troubles (a lot of people like to kick the thing as hard as they can). This resulted in a minor concussion (but a major headache). * This troper couldn't find his glasses one morning, after an extended and increasingly frantic search of his headboard, he noticed his vision seemed unusually clear: ''he had already put them on!'' He gets it from his dad, who recently couldn't find a camera he was '''holding in his hand'''. ** This troper is prone to similar situations. ** [[{{Tropers/HG131}} HG131]] can beat you. I once called my father asking where my cell phone was. On my cell phone. * [[Tropers/KatanaCat I]] went to get something off of my mother's nightstand after she offered to give the item in question to me, and walked into my room. Apparently I have forgotten how to navigate my own home... * [[CassandraTruth No one will believe me when I tell them this]], but while playing ''[[PokemonRedAndBlue Pokemon Red]]'', I managed to make my way to Mewtwo with my Master Ball intact, took it down to neardeath, threw the Master Ball...and watched helplessly as the damn genetic abomination broke out. Yes, somehow I managed to hit that elusive 1 out of 65536 chance of the Master Ball ''failing''. Ended up wasting almost all of my other Pokeballs trying to get it, afterward.

* This troper once read the introduction of a book on Shakespeare's sonnets that said that the editor/author was [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment "A Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature" twice]], as well as a professor in English. [[FunnyMoments I facepalmed at the irony while trying my hardest not to laugh at the fail.]] * Sit down, this will take awhile. This troper has a... [[{{Understatement}} bit of a]] [[GenkiGirl impulse problem]] and when it really starts getting to her, she runs threw her house to alleviate her nerves. Anyway, one day she was at the house of a perspective boyfriend and the symptoms were starting to show. I managed to hold off for most of the afternoon... until my favorite show came on. Before I could comprehend what I was doing and stop myself, I took off down the hall as fast as I could, blasting right past him and his dog. [[ItGetsWorse That's not the fail, there's more.]] By the time I did realize what I was doing, I was two seconds from careening into a wall. Which I did. [[DisasterDominoes Knocking over a ball, a coffee table, his cellphone and two picture frames,]] [[MoralEventHorizon one of which broke under me.]] Needless to say, [[DidNotGetTheGirl we ain't together.]] * Once upon a time, this troper shut her bedroom door and went out to go and get herself some pudding. She then made her way back to her bedroom where she walked ''headfirst'' into the door, forgetting that she had locked it. She can't her head around that one. That and there was that time with the toaster... ** This troper can beat that one - while doing some warmups inside for Track, the team was jogging laps through the halls. I start jogging backward so I can continue a conversation, and... crack the back of my head against the glass dividers the doors go into. * This troper tends to be a walking Epic Fail; she's run into a wall while going down the stairs, has a tendency to lose her balance just standing on both feet, and [[AccidentalPervert accidentally felt up a friend by opening a door.]] * ThisTroper got his head handed to him in just the ''second'' fight in an RPG. The game in question was ''RhapsodyAMusicalAdventure''. * My dad managed to light Jiffy Pop on fire just by cooking it. The foil began to expand, then went up in flames. ** Mom: "Okay, just use the second one." ** Dad: "This IS the second one." * [[{{Tropers/Gumbal1}} This troper]] managed to break a window trying to kill a bug. * [[{{Tropers/nekoalexa}} This troper]] was playing Mario Tennis with her older cousin, who was an avid gamer, imo. He brought three controllers with him, but since no one else wanted to play with us, he decided to play with his foot. At this time, He was way better at this game than I was, since I hadn't been playing videogames very long. Well, we played very hard through out the whole thing. Guess who won. [[spoiler: His foot]]. * [[{{Tropers/badgersprite}} This troper]] once paid over a hundred dollars for one pizza because she forgot how money worked. And not as a little kid; this was about age seventeen. * This One somehow managed to set a bag of popcorn on fire in a

microwave. Just to be clear, the plastic wrapping was not on the bag, the inside of the microwave was clean, and she had set it to the exact time and settings she always used for popcorn. Her friend Jason caught and managed to extinguish the fire before it got out of hand. He was hugely amused at this Troper's epic, though innocent and unexplained, failure. * Making Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is simple. Boil macaroni. Wait. Strain macaroni. Add margarine, milk, cheese. I forgot the "strain" part, and am now staring at a bowl of mac and cheese soup. [[WorthIt Still tasty, at least]]. * In fifth grade we had to apply the loose pages of our class tests into our notebooks. Several pupils used glue to glue one sheet on one page of the book. Some of the pages had both sides being written on... * One time, this troper was playing baseball in the backyard of a friend's house. I was batting right handed with no helmet when I hit the ball and the right side of my head. Had a very nice bump after that. * On BatmanArkhamAsylum, this troper was taking out the {{Mooks}} one by one. He was on the last one, and he saw the prompt to glide kick. He does so, and Batman glides off...and lands on the railing. The mook fires point blank multiple times. Cue his first game over screen. * [[Tropers/FMPhoenixHawk I]] watched someone fail to make cotton candy balls. Yes, refined sugar, with some mild flavoring, mashed into a ball. This was a After the Seniors Left chemistry lab activity. In the space of an hour this person A) Broke a mortar and pestle, B) Blew out a Bunsen burner and C) Melted two 300 mL beakers. I'd say he was TooDumbToLive, but he was one of the smarter students. LethalChef, maybe? * This Troper once walked into a glass door in my own residence like a stupid bird. At least birds have an excuse of being unfamiliar with glass doors -- this was a door I knew about for years, and I still slammed into it. * Once, my mom was helping me with a little project I was working on, that required the us of super glue. I asked her to open the bottle for me (it was stuck), and upon opening it, she thought it was empty. So, she tried to show me... only for super glue to pour out onto my jeans. But guess what, [[SarcasmMode it gets]] [[ItGotWorse better]]! Apparently, along with my jeans getting stuck to my leg, a chemical reaction was apparently happening, HEATING UP MY JEANS. The ultimate end result was a pair of ruined jeans ''and three holes burnt into my leg''. * During High School, I probably had the heaviest bookbag as I tended to carry almost every book since I didn't want to bother with my locker. Well, one day in math class, just as we were getting ready for the bell to leave the room, I slung my backpack over my shoulder, and promptly fell over, desk and all. Gravity is a wonderful thing, isn't it? * An officer in a Latin dance club in college, the other officers and I were assigned families to head at the beginning of the semester for the purposes of hanging out and organizing dance-related outings and whatnot. One day, watching some random people in the club practicing, I introduced myself to one of the members, telling him I didn't think

we'd met. He gave me a weird look, saying "Uh...I'm Abel?" A couple seconds of sinking in later, my eyes widened in horror; this guy was in my family. I quickly tried to recall everything I knew about him off the top of my head, and vocally reminded myself he's the guy with two Facebook profiles. Cue his explaining to me one of said profiles was his twin brother's. ** Please tell me the other one was named Cain. * This Troper has managed to die in ''TheLegendOfZeldaTwilightPrincess'' in some of the dumbest ways possible. The one that takes the cake? I managed to die in the [[spoiler:burning house in Kakariko Village]] and I didn't know you were ''supposed'' to leave the house. Maybe if Midna would tell me to leave the house clearly, [[GuideDangIt instead of a vague message]]. Cue NonStandardGameOver and me dumbfounded. [[SelfDeprecation No wonder I suck at this game]]. * My quest to get a driver's license has had some moments of EpicFail. One I specifically remember is making a turnabout (turning right and backing up the car into a small alley, then turning left and driving away). The good news is, I got it right. The bad news is, I was off the road and onto the grass. This happened while road practicing, not on the actual test, so I didn't fail it (Still, it does count as EpicFail because I was trying to do it without the instructor guiding me). ** Another tale of Driving Epic Fail: I'm driving on a long stretch of Kentucky road that was sloping downward. I see a black, white, and furry mass on the road (most likely a dead animal) and try to swerve out of its way. I end up hitting it because my driving instructor somehow knew I was going to hit it when I really wasn't. He then tells me that the animal I hit was a skunk. So, congratulations to me; I hit a dead skunk. Couple days after that, I got my license (which also got a rocky start when I nearly drove on the sidewalk during my road test. I averted disaster, but still, that's no way to start a road test for a 25-year-old who never had a road test in her life). * Once I was playin SuperSmashBros Brawl with my little sisters, I was [[SuperMarioBros Mario]], and she was {{Kirby}}. she got the final smash, cook kirby-that is, cook your opponent-and SHE jumped into the cooking pot instead of me. * This Troper's friend (who we shall call M) has eating/drinking issues... Drinking issue: Two months ago we are on lunch break, he has this GIANT water bottle he goes to take a drink but the bottle falls a few inches short of his mouth and (thankfully) lands low enough on his pants to not make people think he wet himself...and he had a completely normal expression the whole time to boot! Eating issue: About a year before that, I am eating lunch with another friend (who shall be known as A). She goes to the vending machine and ends up getting an ALREADY OPENED bag of either cheetoes or Doritoes (I forget which bag comes first) we get grossed out, she leaves the bag in the middle of the table and goes and buys the other aforementioned bag. About halfway into lunch, I'm talking to her when this happens: (sees M eating something out of the corner of her eye)

Me: Oh My God A look! (Points) A: Oh My God M what are you doing?!? M: Um, eating? A and me alternately: Yeah, a bag of contaminated (insert first bag here) M: What? (A explains about the bag) M: (spits and throws the bag somewhere) WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?! Me and A: (dying of laughter) Did you NOT notice it was already open? M: I thought one of you did it! * Time for a SenseiLeRoof high school chem story! I don't remember what the intended goal of this particular experiment was, mind, but it involved sugar, especially crushing and heating by way of mortar and pestle. Everyone else's experiment worked as directed. My lab partner and I followed the exact same rules with the exact same instruments, but somehow wound up making an insane [[TheSameButMore ultra-glue]] that held the mortar lid tight. To this day I don't know if that situation was ever undone or repeated. (I thought I had this story somewhere else on-site but I couldn't find it, so here it goeth.) * This Troper has a friend who does this on occasion. The most noticeable moment of all would have to be when he walked into a TV at a Game Store. It was completely in his ability to avoid it, yet he walked head first into it. All it would have taken was to step a little to the left or move his head and he wouldn't have hit it. Somehow he managed otherwise. * This troper remembers seeing somebody playing SteelBattalion for the first time. After watching the opening cutscene of the first mission, where the base the main character is at is attacked and crippled, leaving the main character, who's never even had simulation training with a VT, as the sole protector of the base as he decides to go jump in a VT and fight off the attacking forces single-handedly. The mission ended a few minutes later after the player killed one enemy VT and was then spectacularily shot down without ejecting. This troper considers it a prime example of how FallingIntoTheCockpit would end in real life (it was in fact such an epic fail, the game apparently decided to forgo its infamous "die and your save file is erased" system and give him another shot.) * Trying to headbang with glasses normally results in this. Trust me, I've tried. * Playing Mario Kart 64 on Koopa Troopa Beach - You know the ramp that leads to the tunnel shortcut? I tried to hit it, but I fell off the left side and hit the tree, thus spinning out. Then I realized that somehow, I had accidentally put down a trick block in front of me. So I hit that before I could stop myself. Then Peach put a banana peel in front of me and I hit that when I landed. There was never as much fail in the history of Mario Kart than there was at that moment. * I managed to catch a sewing machine on fire while making pajama pants in 9th grade Home Ec. * This troper once saw "back" spelled "bhasack". How that's even possible is another story... * This troper's gym class recently entered a volleyball unit, and we had to partner up on the first day to practice volleying the ball back

and forth. I partnered up with a friend/acquaintance of mine, who knows firsthand that I could probably spend hours bemoaning my lack of athletic skill and just as much time laughing at myself for it. So, naturally, I was doing both of these things as we were playing, and several times, I hit the ball in such a way that it came close to going into the basketball goal. I did not hesitate to point this out to the other girl, who, like me, just sort of laughed it off. When it inevitably ''did'' go into the basketball goal, it wasn't nearly as funny as it would have been had I not mentioned it, but it was still a CrowningMomentOfFunny and no less of an EpicFail. I even had to ask my kid brother if it was a fail or a win, and he said he didn't know. * In ''LeagueOfLegends'', this troper was playing Teemo and Nunu yelled "EpicFail" at me because I got ganked and Teemo can't survive having Nunu, Nocturne, and Warwick all wailing on him at once. Nunu, who is already at around 60 or so health from being poisoned by me proceeds to walk ''headfirst into a mushroom'' that he ''saw me place'' in ''the middle of the lane'' to catch minions. * In a Subway in San Antonio, someone somehow lit the urinal on fire. * This [[{{Tropers/Sirnoob}} troper]] once poked his dad in th eye while trying to give him a hug. * This Troper was playing Castlevania III the other day and successfully got hit WITHOUT GETTING KNOCKED BACK!!:D Trevor then miraculously fell toward the pit right before he hit the ground. ON MY LAST LIFE >:^^ * This troper once tried CPR for a PDHPE class. I broke the dummy. I don't know how, I was performing CPR and there was a clunk, and then a piece broke off. ** That's when you be melodramatic and showy :) * This troper's brother asked him how to make a half boiled egg. Told him to leave it boiling for two minutes. It didn't occur to him to let the water boil over before putting the egg in and got a still raw egg when he cracked it open. * This troper and her male friend in second or third grade left the art room during an after-school art club (I don't remember why), and ended up walking around the school for 15 minutes trying to find the art room again. And neither of us were new to the school. * This troper has a habit of biting holes in the bottoms of plastic water bottles and drinking out of those. One day, she had a water bottle and forgot that there was a hole in the bottom, so she picked it up and unscrewed the lid to take a sip. She noticed water dripping out of the hole in the bottom, and reflexively turned the bottle back upside-down... without putting the lid back on first. Water EVERYWHERE. * This troper once cracked a rib playing frisbee * My friends and I were playing basketball against two of the PE teachers for school (the score was 10-5 by the way--we lost). As the ball came back down one of the teachers and I jumped for the ball. I slapped it away and we ended up both running after it. I don't exactly remember what happened here, but I think the ball flew through the air and hit me in the head. The teacher and I both slapped the ball ''really hard'' and it bounced off the wall and hit me ''again''. I know I have bad luck, but ''C'MON!!''

* This troper went to his friends house and ended up coming back with [[BeyondtheImpossible A Broken (and bloody) nose and 11 (My mother counted when she pulled them out) spelks.]] The sad part is that all of that was by accident and I got the 11 spelks by resting my hand on the fence while on a trampoline. ** In addition, once my friend tried to throw a frisbee and I intended to run up to it and catch it. I failed. It curved somehow and hit me in the eye. I had to go home. Jackpot. No Tuesday Afternoon at school. * In English today, this troper kept trying to spell "Whoever" W-O-HE-V-R-R. Did this about, oh, six times. And I have no excuse; I'm 18 and have an expansive vocabulary :) * So my neighbour had to go out for about two weeks for a volunteer ranger thing. Because her husband (who is in his 40s) never cooked for himself and more or less lived on stuff that never required even the use of a microwave (like cereal, tuna, salads, or sandwiches). So whiel she was gone, she left a bunch of frozen dinners like pizza for him. The first night she's gone,e he puts the pizza in the stove...upside down, and without even unwrapping it. * There have been a few in [[Tropers/MonkeyPhysics my]] lifetime: ** Losing balance when helping carry a rather large bass amp... which landed on my face. ** Giving myself a paper cut. On the face. During a chemistry exam. ** Not realising there were stairs just outside the building I was exiting. Ow. ** Tripping over a "wet floor" sign after managing to avoid the wet bit of the floor. * During a pep rally in this troper's Senior year of High School, both I and a classmate from the Cross-Country team were wearing the "tearaway" pants, with buttons down the sides. When our mini-event comes up (5 teams - each of the 4 classes, plus a teacher team competing in a relay race), I tear mine off at the starting line without a problem, revealing the ''very'' short X-Country shorts. Cue my teammate running out into the center of the gym to do so... and having most of the buttons ''not'' separate. He almost fell right on his ass because he tugged at his pants. ** Same troper, back in 8th grade, had to have an incisor surgically brought into position (long story). A few weeks later, I'm helping move chairs for a choir/band concert, and 2 of them are stuck together. I, being one of the taller kids there, ask one of the other kids to hold the bottom chair in place while I lift up the top one... with my head directly over the back of the chair. Wound up having a root canal on the tooth that had recently been brought down. * Deleting my Disc 3 ''FinalFantasyVII'' save by accident. I still haven't beaten the game. * @/{{Fishsicles}}, in the midst of constructing his new server box, made the mistake of downloading a 32-bit operating system. For a machine with 16 gigabytes of RAM. As one of my friends put it, "You know what a 32 bit OS does with 16 gigs of RAM? Ignores 12 of them!" I have a feeling that this will be a NeverLiveItDown moment... * Whoever was in charge of making the 2011 yearbook at this troper's school somehow mislabeled our (male) principal as a girl. * This troper once forgot "what makes the 'z' sound". The person she

asked also didn't know. ---Wear your Fawkes mask proudly as your spindly limbs bring you back to EpicFail, guy. ----

EpicFlail * [[Tropers/AriRockefeller This troper]] purchased a flail from a convention dealers' room vendor who predominantly sold dice paraphernalia. What made their flails unique (and specifically called them "Epic Flails") was that [[http://ari22682.deviantart.com/art/Epic-Flail-130209641 they stuck two twenty-sided dice on the ends of the chains]]. * [[Tropers/ARandomSerf This troper's]] high school theater had a flail among its props. It was studded rather than spiky, but you still wouldn't want it swung at you. I never found out why we had it. ** It was probably meant to be used against someone using a shield in productions of medieval-themed plays. * This troper found the Blades and Shades store on St. George's street in St. Augustine, Florida, and fell in love. Along with a bevy of replica weapons (he loved the dao), it had a double-headed flail, and the spikes were fairly sharp. He held it up and told his mom not to let him buy it, because God knows what would happen. * [[Tropers/{{Chabal 2}} This troper]] once took (okay, stole, but no one was using it) a chain and started wearing it like a belt. While I haven't had to use it yet, I still keep it because you never know... (also it can be converted into an actual EpicFlail by clipping a metal lock on one end). * This troper, in addition to owning a pair of plastic nunchaku, once constructed a pair of wooden nunchaku by drilling holes in one end each of two wooden dowels (left over from a broom handle that I once used as a staff), screwing in two eye screws and then using fasteners to connect a chain to them. I still have the chain, but I don't have the two sticks anymore. * Back in the day, a friend of [[{{Tropers/Smerf}} this]] troper used a lathe to make a round chunk of wood, then randomly gave it to the troper. The troper screwed in an eye screw, attached a handle and chain, and now had a flail hanging around somewhere. ---So if the spike on the end of the flail, is that called TheStinger? And so if you turned it around, at the end of the stinger would be [[EpicFlail the main body]]? ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EscalatingWar * (Continuing from the ''Firefly'' example on the Main EscalatingWar page) This editor was present for that 500 person flipping off of

Filion. It was ''Dragon*Con'' 2005, and Jewel was assisted by good friend Peter David, with whom she'd worked on SpaceCases. Filion's expression was astonished, and his verbal response amused but unprintable. * This (excessively nerdy) troper engaged in a war of escalating calculators with another classmate, starting with simple scientific calculators and working our way up to TI-89's. The war was ended when this troper went old-school and dug out his father's slide rule (a more elegant instrument for a more civilized time). ** Oh, yeah? Well, ''my'' daddy... * This troper had two uncles insistent upon giving the other a better gag gift. This stopped after one uncle had to cut a new pair of gloves out of an engine with a torch. * This little "poke" war that this troper participated in with a friend from middle school. Scenario starts out with something like this: Friend pokes me in the stomach. I poke her back. She pokes me again, this time twice. I retaliate with poking her with a pen. Eventually, our little war had escalated to the point where we were trying to whack each other with pool noodles, and in the process, we had used just about everything we could lay our hands on: feather dusters, chopsticks, Sharpies, etc. ** That story reminds this troper of the 'Water War' she had with a friend in 6th grade. It started with me pretending to dump a bottle of water on her head while saying "Pour!" It eventually escalated to us competing to see who could come up with the most water-related words. We would say them to each other in the hallway. We took turns. The first person to be unable to think of another water word would lose. The gaps between turns lengthened, and we both went off to different schools after 6th grade so the whole thing was never resolved.

EsperantoTheUniversalLanguage * This troper had a teacher who once talked about his time in the army during the 50's being partially spent training to be part of some sort international battalion that would use [[AwesomeButImpractical nuclear and laser based weapons]] and would speak Esperanto. ** Kind of ironic considered that Esperanto was invented so that people can understand each other and eliminate war. * ''&#264;i tiu plianto tropo flue parol Esperanton.'' That means "This troper speaks fluent Esperanto." ** How do you say, "I have no idea what you're saying"? I like messing with people. *** Well, "Mi ne komprenas vin" means "I don't understand you." I'm still komencanto, so I can't directly translate what you said, but "Mi ne komprenas" is one of the first things one is taught ;). ** Actually, that would be something like "&#264;i tiu tropulo flue parolas Esperanton." (I'm purely guessing at the translation of "troper"; it might be "tropisto," "tropumulo," or something else, depending on the nuance you're going for.) * Ugh. This troper just... [[BerserkButton doesn't like Esperanto]]. Don't ask for elaboration unless you want a long, venomous rant. ** [[Tropers/MisterBernie I]]'m totally with you on that. And so happy

that the link to the ''Ranto'' is in the main entry. *** You mean that diatribe full of lies, fallacies, and general ignorance about linguistics? ** On the other hand, it was Esperanto that introduced me to the wonderful world of conlanging. A book had a little list of constructed languages, and Esperanto was at the top. My reaction was, roughly: "You can ''make up'' languages? That is ''so'' cool! I want to do that!" ---I don't have a clue what people are saying...does anybody speak EsperantoTheUniversalLanguage? ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EstrogenBrigadeBait * [[Tropers/ZoeZoeWriter This tropette's]] brother has become this for most of her friends. [[StraightGay Too bad he's gay.]]

EthicalSlut * This troper has had only 2 relationships. The first one ended after several months an no sex, the second, she lost her virginity in 2 weeks. She regrets nothing, and is now quite slutty, but only with other singles in a consensual environment, and friends with benefits as long as no party develops an emotional attraction. * [[Tropers/JChance This troper]] finds this an apt description. Growing up, he was a bit of a prude, and he's been making up for lost time in the last five years or so. His only rules are, everything is on the table honestly, his actual significant others need to approve, and it has to be someone he likes well enough that he would also enjoy playing TabletopGames with them. Although the last one is mostly [[ErectionRejection self-enforcing]]. * It describes This Troper, too. * [[Tropers/JuiceBoxHero This troper]] is something of a variation. She's got no problem in polyamory, casual sex, or the like, but knows her own limits and that she's not emotionally comfortable with sleeping with a person she's not currently dating. Or, for that matter, actually ''being'' in a polyamorous relationship. It ''can'' work, but I'm a bit too much of the jealous type to make an effort. ** Seconded by this troper. I have no moral problem with most kinds of consensual sex, but just don't think I would like to engage in most of them, including polyamory and casual sex. I've got the ethical part down, just not the slut part. ** Same here. I spend time with a lot of radical-queer activists. Many of them are polyamorous/non-monogamous, and while I consider myself sex-positive and have nothing wrong with the Ethical Slut lifestyle, I know it's not for me. I know I'd be far too jealous to be in an open relationship, and I have an extremely low sex drive in the first place. * [[{{Tropers.Pinata}} This troper]] fits this trope pretty well. I

tell women I don't believe in monogamy and will be taking other partners ''the moment they first show any signs of interest'', and warn them to be on their way if they don't want an open relationship. However, this is more of a personal security measure to eliminate [[{{Yandere}} Yanderes]] from my life than a matter of ethics. "Ethical" enters into things because if someone is already in a relationship and it's NOT an open one, '''I don't go there'''. I have no interest in breaking up a marriage, even if marriage is a choice I wouldn't make myself. ** Ethics is the philosophical study of right and wrong. It is not itself right. An ethical slut is somebody who has a moral philosophy where "slutty" behavior is good. Your assertion that you don't incite others to be immoral doesn't make you ethical. It merely makes you "good" in ethical systems where honesty is considered a virtue greater than pleasure (like modern morality). But KnightTemplar and OmnicidalNeutral people are no less ethical, assuming they think about what they are doing. They're just immoral, whereas you are not (by modern standards). That said, you still fit the trope. * [[{{Tropers/Thanos6}} This Troper]] to a T. I have six lovers (four male, two female) and am always looking for more. But everyone knows about everyone else (sometimes they play together, too), I'm upfront about my polyamory to any possible new lovers, and I refuse to "cheat" (that is, have relations without running it by my other lovers first). And like the troper above, I refuse to have relations with someone if that, to their other lover, would be cheating. * This troper happens to be entirely one of these. I make no secret about my desire and willingness to have open relationships. But I won't screw anyone without them wanting it, and if they say no, I drop it. * This Troper, of the GoodBadGirl variety. I have no problem wih open relationships or casual sex, but despise cheating or hurting others in any other way. I also have a not-entirley-unjustified reputation of ReallyGetsAround, but hey; it's all in the name of having a good time and no-one gets hurt, so what's the problem? * This troper has an internet friend who goes by this exact label, taken from the book of the same title. She's promiscuous (though still discriminating, and never when in a relationship) and proud of it. She is also hot as all hell, and this troper is '''so pissed''' that he didn't meet her when she was single. * This Troper and his boyfriend's relationship eventually grew to a somewhat open one. We have a few conditions (be honest, be safe) but have been quite free otherwise. In addition, in this troper's circles, open relationships are semi-common. Some of them are genuinely based on mutual love, trust and respect, others are at the heart of DysfunctionJunction. * This Troper is in the odd situation of being in a ''theoretically'' open relationship. We've been happily and monogamously married for seven years, but we've talked about it and agreed that it wouldn't be a problem, so long as it was all honest and above-board. Honestly, we're just too busy with work and childcare. She's bisexual, I'm bicurious. Funnily enough, we have a friend who's in an open marriage, and who my wife fancies like hell, but one of ''his'' rules is that he

doesn't hook up with his friends. * Though not personally the most sexual person around, this troper believes fully in the Ethical Slut philosophy. Hurray for utilitarian hedonism.

EthnicMenialLabor * The most miserable job @/DesertDragon ever worked was bussing tables at a country club. It was in a suburb of {{Cleveland}} and along a major bus route. As such, you had many poor blacks coming in from the ghetto to serve rich white millionaires for minimum wage. Since I'm black but from the suburbs myself (though not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination), other workers thought I was putting on airs for ''daring'' to speak standard English and using the job to pay for school. Was this 2007 or 1907? Needless to say, I wasn't there long and I'll happily stock shelves before going back. * This Troper's (German) university's student council once made a short, tongue-in-cheek film about their work. Since the film also featured three black cleaning ladies singing gospel songs, it brought up a load of complaints about stereotyping (from extremely left-wing students, who, coincidentally, were all white). This troper thinks the reaction was completely overblown, especially since none of the black students (who do exist, since our city has a comparatively large African population) seemed to have a problem with it. ---Go back to EthnicMenialLabor, boy.

EurekaMoment * When this troper solved one side of a Rubix Cube. * Tropers/{{JET73L}} has had this happen occasionally in RealLife, but it happened in the context of a mystery [[JustifiedTrope in a]] [[AllJustADream dream]]. While searching for the person who attacked and either knocked out or killed the servant or cleaner of the people who normally lived in the house, spotting a Teen Beat style magazine and either a [[{{Victorian-EraEngland}} Victorian]] mystery-novel magazine or a SherlockHolmes-homage video game strategy guide helped the troper realize that it was [[{{Cluedo}} Miss Olivia, currently in the Bathroom]] [[DrivenToSuicide with the Pill Bottle]] who had [[InterruptedSuicide attacked the servant lady]]. * It seems that most gay or bisexual people either know since always or realise gradually. For me, it was this trope. My mum said something that had absolutely nothing to do with sexuality, and I went "Holy crap, [[BiTheWay I'm bisexual!]]" ** Could be worse. I suddenly realised I was [[{{Asexuality}} asexual]] after seeing a link to the page on this very site. * I had one of these when watching CSI. Just sitting with my mum in one of the advert breaks when I suddenly shout "That wasn't the scene being compromised, the police were in on it!" It has never happened since.

---<<|TroperTales|>>

EvenEvilHasStandards * Though [[BPence89 This Troper]] calls himself a troll, he usually only targets [[SmallNameBigEgo small name big egos]]. He also doesn't bash people based on looks unless they have already done the same to someone else. * [[CptButton This Troper]] played in a [[TheWorldOfDarkness Vampire: The]] {{Masquerade}} game. His character sheet included his motto: "Just because you are an undead fiend who stalks the night to drink the blood of the living is no reason to be a sick fuck about it." Unfortunately, he was in the Sabbat sect, whose motto was "Oh yes it is!" * While discussing a Dungeons & Dragons I was told that my version of evil was too blood thirsty. ** This troper often plays NeutralEvil characters, often for classrestriction reasons, even in good campaigns. He enjoys playing "people who do good things for bad reasons" more than plain heroes. * Once while playing City of Villains I quit a team after reading the backstory on one of the characters. Even an inhumane evil robot who destroyed an entire lab of people because he was bored wouldn't do THAT. ** Fairly common among [[CityOfVillains CoV]] players who see their characters as more like rebellious [[TheUbermensch Ubermensch]] who don't believe in "Great Responsibility" but don't want to be total monsters either. ** "Evil has standards" is why all my subsequent villains deliberately skip Westin Phipps after the first time I played through his missions. * "I'm a predator. I never said anything about cold-blooded." is the frequent excuse of a character with a fondness for children (in the usual non-lethal sense) and a surprisingly sentimental streak for being one evolutionary generation removed from a solo predatory large cat, in [[{{Night}} This Troper]]'s Rifts game. * "I may advocate taking the safety labels off everything to ensure more stupid people die and the shooting of anyone who can't handle basic arithmetic and literacy, but I'm no [[{{Discworld}} -ing]] racist." * This ''Matrix Online''-playing Troper's characters tend to wind up joining the Merovingian's organization, since it's the closest thing to Chaotic Neutral in the Matrix-verse; her main is pretty close to the moral end of the bell-curve morality. The problem is, a lot of immature players seem to think "Mervs=TEH EVOL!!!111" and play evil LargeHams; this Troper Lampshades her situation by referring to her main as "Not your typical Merv". ** Similar to the City of Villains example above, she and her faction refused to let a guy join them because his character's backstory was that he was a former Machine program who was slated for deletion because he got bored and electrocuted a bunch of Bluepills. ** She's also seen a signature on the ''KingdomOfLoathing'' forums

that read something like "Heart-core player: Because being the best doesn't mean jack if you're an asshole about it." and has since taken this as her roleplaying motto. * I am currently playing the TokenEvilTeammate in one of my current campaigns. A Sadistic GeneralRipper against the Snake-people who killed my family. Still it came as something of a shock to my commanding officer when I refused payment killing the badguys. I mean Evil is Greedy, isn't it? (No, I'm just happy to serve the righous cause of genocide against our scaly enemies). * This Troper once set up a prank involving a sprinkler dousing everyone at a party, but it was designed to make sure that the food wasn't soaked. I mean, spraying people is one thing, but ruining snacks?! * I mentioned by the heartwarming moments, some years ago I was harassed and beaten up by bullies in school, unable to defend myself. That guy, who was a bully himself but not regularly to me, stepped in and punched the leader out while "showing" me how to defend myself". * This troper had a dream that he was about to be assassinated (in the 1930's for some reason), yet when the assassin saw I was cleaning my room he post-poned the deed, and then even helped me clean up. The dream had a NoEnding so I can't be sure of the outcome. * Another of personal relevance to a particular Troper, there was a child molester that had targeted several little girls, including this troper's younger sister (though he did not succeed in that regard). This troper's father found out about it and issued some fairly grisly (and deadly serious) threats to the molester, his 'manhood', and his life. The molester decided to go into hiding, so the father [[{{CrowningMomentOfAwesome}} went about to all the worst parts of town, and spread the truth about the molester to all the drug dealers, gangsters, and prostitutes he could find. The father was even accosted by a gang leader on the street at one point, because the gang leader wanted a better description of the molester, stating that they didn't put up with that sort of thing. The molester, after being on the run from the underworld of an entire city, turned himself into police.]] ** Dude, your father is -ing awesome! ** Somebody give that man a medal. ** MadeOfWin, full stop. ** In response to the above troper and the old RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil trope: I don't particularly have anything against your father doing whatever he could to put that creep away, but where this tropers standards come into play is when it comes to murderers who condemn rapists. I do some pretty questionable things, but I never do anything that can't be fixed in five minutes, this includes hurting others. I'm not going to contest which of the two are worst, but I will not stand for one condemning the other, and most of the time this is murderer to rapist. Who the hell do they think they are to think they are better than anyone. Yes, rape is a traumatic experience for victims, but murder devastates anyone and everyone close to the victim (that's not to say family and friends of rape victims aren't affected, but they at least still have that person). Murderers are scum, worthless pieces of shit that the world is better off without and just do not deserve a second chance. I've seen

people's lives ruined forever because of them, futures robbed, and innocence lost. For them to think that they have some moral highground is laughable, what the fuck do they think people feel like while they are dying, how do they think those loved ones feel when they lost someone important to them, that's someone's mother/father/best friend/lover/etc.. So kudos to the above tropers' old man for being able to associate with them, I would never be able to. (I'm referring to the gangsters in particular, who may not have killed someone at that point, but still joined a group of people known for well... killing). *** Wow... Buzz kill much? *** Well, if you kill a rapist, no one's going to miss him. Rapists deserved even more than murder, they need to know how it's like to be raped. You poor, naive, person. Rape is something worse than death, and they'll die anyway, but scarred forever, murderers just make them dead faster. So, go get raped, and see if you would have rather died or raped and die later. Filthy bitch. * This troper. Replace evil with "limited spectrum of emotional responses" and a good dose of wholly serious ComedicSociopathy. And he finds the concept of how Witch Girls Adventures is "supposed" to be played to be highly disturbing. * This troper will never forget asking her psychology teacher (who worked with prisons occasionally) if the 'child molesters are the bottom of the pecking order' thing was true, and being told that a lot of the time they didn't bother putting offenders through treatment until after the first year because it was so likely they'd end up murdered during that time it would be a waste of time and money. * This troper was playing with her brother in the woods one day when some older boys, whom Troper recognized as the school bullies, showed up. After the three bullies spent some time verbally abusing Troper and her brother, shoving them around, and generally being asses, one of the three produced a slingshot, loaded it, and aimed at her brother's head. The other two immediately stopped him, saying that was just going ''too far.'' She also heard one of them say "Dude, just let 'em go, man, no need to do ''that!''" * {{Night}}, while gleefully espousing a thoroughly amoral stance in EVEOnline, rarely practices this against the general population of the game in highsec despite the opportunities for it. Part of it is PayEvilUntoEvil, but when you factor in the fact that pretty much every character in the game is a hideous mass-murdering monster by any normal moral standards most of it is this trope. * This is more along the lines of Even PerverseSexualLust Has Standards. This Troper is shameless is when it comes to the celebrities he finds hot or sexy and pleads guilty to 3 or 4 cases of JailbaitWait. He does however draw the line at the intrusiveness of paparazzi, and won't even think twice about refusing the temptation to look at any sleazy photos or videos that invades privacy. * This troper was once talking to his father about Rod Blagojevich (former governor of Illinois) being arrested on corruption charges, and about how he had tried to get funding for a children's hospital pulled: -->Dad: Well, in Chicago politics, corruption is one thing, but

bringing children into it was just... -->This Troper: {{Even Evil Has Standards}}? -->Dad: Exactly. * Not really evil, but this troper knew a friend who was teased in High school. However, when the bully found out that a girl (who was Muslim) was being teased for having her hair covered, she promptly told a teacher. * The rest of my team in D&D. They may have a point as my character has gleefully burnt down a village and plucked her own eye out. * In a {{Pokemon}} roleplay this troper is in, this troper's characters[[hottip:* :They're a two-{{Mon}} team of assassins,who would kill pretty much anyone and the Runa would stab anyone in the back if it was beneficial to her]] were discussing how to defeat the current villain with a character who used to know the villain. He described the villain as "evil". The following conversation took place: ->"Ooh, I haven't heard that one before," [[LadyOfWar Runa]] replied sarcastically. "Kid, the universe isn't [[BlackAndWhiteMorality black and white]]. Nobody is 'just evil'." ->[[CompletelyMissingThePoint "Okay he's arrogant and evil"]] ->Runa rolled her eyes. "Well, why is he 'evil'?" ->"Maybe the fact that he's a heartless killer?" ->"He kills people for fun?" Runa clenched her fists, [[MindOverMatter and some of the rubble began to float.]] ->"Runa," [[HollywoodCyborg Tabeo]] said worriedly. ->"Pretty much" ->Large chunks of rubble were lifted into the air, and began to crumble. ->Tabeo placed a hand on Runa's shoulder. "Runa, calm down. Please." ->Runa became [[TranquilFury eerily calm]], and the rubble fell to the ground. "Let's find this bastard. He won't know what hit him." * When a NeutralEvil asassin thinks you're a CompleteMonster, you better run like hell. * Probably doesn't count because it was only when playing BioShock, but [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] took a horrible glee in slaughtering all manner of Splicers, even saying stuff like [[{{BadassBoast}} "I am the angel of death, come to slaughter you heathen sinners"]] and laughing it up like a CardCarryingVillain from Mordor (especially those [[{{UpperClassTwit}} snob-tastic splicers who used to be upper-class types judging from their pompous voices]] [[{{LargeHam}} served with numerous tasty ham-and-cheese sandwiches]] - but, when cornering that very first [[{{CreepyChild}} Little Sister]] in the game, feeling it was pathetically sad it seemed she was cowering in fear, just could not bring himself to press the key to harvest - he instead rescued her, and is getting through the rest of the game rescuing the Little Sisters [[{{MoralEventHorizon}} because harvesting them would have made him feel as if he had crossed a certain line]] - besides, despite him taking a sadistic glee in [[{{KillItWithFire}} killing Splicers with Incinerate]], he felt that harvesting the Little Sisters would catapult him (at least when playing that or any other game) from AffablyEvil with a twist of AxCrazy right over the MoralEventHorizon and end up right in

CompleteMonster territory...this coming from a gamer who [[{{AMillionIsAStatistic}} gleefully helped Tenpenny destroy Megaton]] [[{{AtomicHate}} by detonating its eponymous nuclear weapon]] in Fallout3, not to mention likely breaking the [[{{RulesAndCustomsOfWar}} breaking the Geneva Convention repeatedly in]] CommandAndConquer with all that stealing enemy factories and [[{{DressingAsTheEnemy}} attacking them with their own types of units]] and [[{{NukeEm}} resorting to far worse]]. So [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] supposes if he went to a nightclub full of Splicers and they would say, "[[{{IfYoureSoEvilEatThisKitten}} if you're such a rampaging murderous bastard here in Rapture, why don't you harvest that Little Sister over there]]" he would be caught out [[{{OhCrap}} and would hope there's that vita-chamber in the background with his name on it]]... ** A RealLife example: Though [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] will listen ([[{{EvilFeelsGood}} and enjoy]]) some very dark music in terms of lyrical content (some of it having lyrical content even he considers to be evil-sounding, despite him dressing very straitlaced and being at heart a [[{{DarkIsNotEvil}} very gentle soul who adores his family and his pet dog]]) and ambience, Aggrotech and many extreme forms of metal, if [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] ever finds a music store stocking [[{{ANaziByAnyOtherName}} music from Resistance Records]] he would discreetly give a tip-off to the police - same if he was working in a music store and someone ordered similar hateful music as from that. Furthermore [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] goes out of his way to avoid that stuff on Youtube. One must draw the line somewhere. ** An OriginalFiction example: In an AfterTheEnd setting where an alternate Earth has withstood a massive tempest of impacting meteors in random locations inspired by {{Fallout}}, {{Stormrise}}, and 1980s more optimistic visions of a circa 2010s-2050s universe gone wrong (due to the aforementioned variant ColonyDrop using lots of smaller asteroids rather than one big asteroid), two major factions emerge in a [[{{Dune}} War of Assassins]] type conflict scattered across the globe, the democratic Refounding led by Harvard professor types who were in the state of Vermont on leave [[{{TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt}} when it happened]], which escaped much of the devastation, and the Presidium, a mysterious council of military-industrial types organised originally by a New Zealand-born expatriate who was stranded in England AfterTheEnd who go PuttingOnTheReich (except in an Italian Fascist manner rather than Third Reich, with uniforms similar to a merging of the CCNN and Kempeitai uniforms) who operate out of what's left of the English city of Leeds. The Presidium are the bad guys and are out to TakeOverTheWorld, however when they encountered cells of ''real'' neo-Nazi types in the German theatre, the Presidium convinced them to surrender any Jewish, Roma or similar hated-by-Nazis groups over to the Presidium, [[{{FlawExploitation}} under the pretense that the Presidium would do the killing for the neo-Nazis]] [[{{BatmanGambit}} but instead repatriating them as valued citizens and sending them to Presidium territories in Britain or mainland Europe]], with Bucharest being a main hub for Presidium activity in mainland Europe (sending them from there to Greece, and then to

England from out of the Meditteranean Sea, secrecy being the name of the game). At least the Presidium are EqualOpportunityEvil, they just [[{{PuttingOnTheReich}} put on the fascist uniforms]] [[{{PragmaticVillainy}} to frighten their enemies]], their ideology, though poorly-defined, is fairly centrist, but leaning toward the left in social issues, though both factions are NGOSuperpower types since the post-meteor world has little in the way of central authority... *** Depressingly enough, another RealLife example while looking at [[{{PornStash}} certain TV Tropes page articles about adult reading material]] in TroperTales, some twisted and depraved individual whom ThatTroper himself would want to deal with [[{{BatterUp}} through the narrow end of a cricket bat]] [[{{GroinAttack}} to the groin]], [[{{UpToEleven}} repeatedly for effect]], let loose that he was some paedo. I might be [[{{WorldHalfEmpty}} damn cynical]] [[{{AtLeastIAdmitIt}} and even a bigot at times]] ([[{{BoomerangBigot}} including views against my own people]]), [[{{ArsonMurderAndJaywalking}} that and I think]] [[{{HeroicAlbino}} Connie]] [[{{EveryoneLooksSexierIfFrench}} Chiu]] [[{{ArsonMurderAndJaywalking}} is a far better example of what I "like" than]] [[{{ValleyGirl}} Jennifer]] [[{{LandDownunder}} Hawkins]], however - [[{{SelfDemonstratingArticle}} ONE. MUST.]] [[{{ThisIsSparta}} DRAW! THE! LINE!]] * This troper finds it interesting how many people on this page only specify [[WhatMeasureIsANonCute "cute" animals]]. * This rather cynical troper would just like to say that he finds the RealLife section of the main article to be one huge CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming for the human species. (Well, not the section itself, but the people and events it refers to. Shut up, I know what I meant.) Seriously, mankind, you're sometimes kinda alright. * A somewhat strange and inconsistent example is this Troper's friend. She can be quite obnoxious at times and tops my list of "friends most likely to take over the world", but she is also the one most likely to have DudeNotFunny moments when someone goes too far about certain topics. * I didn't see this under Web Original, but Spike of Spike's Root Beer Reviews had this to say among other negative comments made about [[http://rootbeerreviews.com/brews/journey.php Journey sassafras root beer]]: "This liquid is so bad, even the Bev Net lap dogs didn't review it." While the worst sin Bev Net might posess is greed if this comment is anything to go by, it really says a lot if a company apparently infamous for shilling out positive reviews for bad drinks refuses to dignify a brand with even a negative review. * A roleplaying chat that I go on has a whole chain of who gets to pull this card on whom. [[MultiversalConqueror Revo]][[AntiVillain ndos]] [[WellIntentionedExtremist Mykh]][[PhysicalGod ondo]], for example, has intervened to [[VillainousRescue save]] TheLancer from [[TheLegendOfZeldaMajorasMask Majora]], and even [[KnightTemplar Chris]] [[PaedoHunt Hansen]] has showed things he wouldn't do even to catch a predator. * When playing an evil character in {{Fallout 3}} or FalloutNewVegas, I will usually kill anyone if they have something I want- but I will

NEVER kill a shopkeeper or merchant. After all, who else am I going to sell all the stuff I don't want to? I will steal from them though. * I played a succubus in a D&D game once. Obviously very evil, would kill and steal for fun and profit... but due to personal reasons, absolutely abhored slavery. Hilariously, even though I made this trait clear several times, our GM kept forgetting about it, until our band of ne'er-do-wells crossed path with a band of slavers, with the GM obviously assuming we'd work together and reap great wealth from potential slave trade. Cue rest of the party following my lead as we wiped them all out to the last man, took their stuff and freed all their slaves. GM did not expect that. * This troper does roleplays and writes stories, while also playing games. In roleplays, he enjoys being the TokenEvilTeammate if on a heroic team (but makes sure to draw the line at [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil rape]], the harming of kids and the robbing of refugees- at the very least you keep them in good conditions if smuggling them) or the TokenGoodTeammate if on a team of assholes, often calling one out and shooting a couple of his own team before getting offed by them if they try something too harsh. In stories he has at least one guy draw the line at ridiculous and unneeded torture. And when playing Fable II I try villains who may go around killing villages [[DisproportionateRetribution for hating my dress sense]], but touch my dog and you are DEAD. * [[{{@/Nakayama90}} This troper]] created a character who grew up a bad kid, stealing things from classmates, and as a young adult can appear to genuinely love women, despite really having no feelings for them beyond manipulating feelings. Sounds like he's planning to take advantage of them, right? Wrong. For a person not above using deception to appear genuinely nice, playing sadistic mind games with his victims and killing innocent (and random) people without a second thought, he absolutely ''despises'' rape. Mention it? You'll catch a threatening glance from him. Joke about it? If he's in the same room as you, get out of wherever you are, fast. Caught by him attempting it? By the time he's killed you, don't be surprised if he does so by ''plunging his switchblade through your neck''. Just so you know, normally he kills people by shooting them or giving them a stab to the back. RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil, indeed, since it brings out the absolute worst. ---Not even you would stoop to this. EvenEvilHasStandards. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EvenNerdsHaveStandards * [[@/MrW This troper]] has not met a single nerd who ''didn't'' have bad things to say about [[{{Sonichu}} Chris-chan]]. * This troper, while she adores [=BJDs=] (ball-jointed dolls) just can't grasp what posses other owners to believe that their dolls are [[CreepyDoll alive]]. * In [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=ruibss90wo17cifpf3i4

crow&page=1 the forums on this very site]]: "Of course, that makes me wonder how [[[{{X-Men}} Cyclops]]] able to deflect beams of concussive force off of ''oh holy crap I'm trying to apply logic to comicbook science I need to get off the computer''." * This troper is the ultimate nerd: Anime, manga, video games, [=RPGs=], etc. However, this troper can't stand comic book nerds and their hateful additude towards anime fans. Oh, boo-hoo! They have more manga than comics at Boarders! Don't like it? Go bitch about it at a real comic store then you fucking losers. ** That attitude always bugged me... the presence of anime doesn't make your own comic books any less enjoyable. I dislike most manga out there, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying ones like ''TheDreaming'', it doesn't make ''{{Akira}}'' or ''NausicaaOfTheValleyOfTheWind'' any less awesome. Not to mention comic stores often sell manga too -- just not as in a wide selection because places like Boarders don't stock the weekly releases. ** To be fair, this Troper IS a comic nerd, and we're not all that way. Just like you guys aren't all completely annoying and whiny. Though there's actually more Comics than Manga at my local Barnes and Nobles. * As a StarWars fan, I find it really hard not to want to backhand the whiney fanboys who treat this franchise as SeriousBusiness. You know what I'm talking about? The ones who want to strangle you for even [[FanHater remotely enjoying the Prequels]], or the ones who want to lynch GeorgeLucas for [[TheyChangedItNowItSucks even the slightest changes]]. Hell, I bet if he [[DisproportionateRetribution removed a grain of sand from Tatooine]], they'd bitch. ** [[@/OhNoes I]] feel you. The prequels honestly ''were not that bad'', jeez. Get your collective heads out of your collective asses and ENJOY THE FRANCHISE! ** There are always some hardcore fanboys that start complaining about every new show, comic, game, whatever and call themselves Star Wars fans. I guess they should have left after "Empire" for their own good. * [[@/MmmKay I]] like computer tech as much as the next {{Nerd}}, especially [[http://rinkworks.com/stupid/ tales of people who don't know their CPUs from their BUTTs]]. However, you can't help but feel like [[GeniusBonus you're not getting something]] when you scroll around [[http://rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_programming.shtml some of the tales of programming errors]]. ''[[FlatWhat Whujibuh?]]'' ** Oh, I can understand those fine. You're not missing anything -they really aren't funny. ** The only one This Troper found even remotely worth a mental chuckle was the [=QBasic=] one. Even then that thing's so outdated I almost forgot what they were talking about. ** Aw, now I just feel embarrassed. I was chuckling out loud through that entire page. I mean -- hardcoding a ''pointer''?! *** No need to feel embarassed about understanding this. It's not about being a nerd or a super-nerd, just knowing enough about programming. You know, something [[SeriousBusiness people do for a living]]. * @/MasterKnight. How he feels about [[SuperSmashBros C-Sticking]]. That is all.

* [[@/{{Warhead5}} This troper]] is a bit of a {{Disney}} nerd, liking most of the DisneyAnimatedCanon and {{Pixar}}, but feels nothing but disgust at the ''DisneyChannel'' and [[FanHater the people who even like the channel]]. since most of the shows and movies on that channel are generally considered ''[[DarthWiki/{{Ptitlew9bltta3dv6n}} abominations]]'' by anyone with more than two brain cells, it's not surprising that the channel has a massive {{Hatedom}}. ** Current DisneyChannel or everything ever produced by DisneyChannel? I'm a fan of KimPossible (which is pretty clich aware, sometimes coming very close to naming tropes outright), but I'd agree with you on most of their Live Action shows. * When it comes to SuperSmashBrosBrawl, there's a hierarchy in my group. There's most of my friends, who know about the basic controls and not much else; my best friend, who's mastered Kirby but can't use anyone else; [[@/{{Yarrunmace}} This Troper]], who plays on random to give everybody else a chance. Then, there's the theoretical person who would bother to master the umeki and pivot-grab techniques, which even I'm too not-obessed with this game to do. ** Are you sure you're not in my circle of friends? You just described everyone there. * What, pray tell, can you be called a nerd for talking about in detail on a message board for comic book obsessives? Spaceflight. * I once went on a date with a girl who knew I was a bit of a nerd (it was a costume party, and we went as nerds). I had to explain to her the concept of the Geek Hierarchy and how it applied. StarWars fans think that StarTrek fans are nerds, who in turn think that LordOfTheRings fans are nerds, who in turn think that Lord of the Rings fans who speak Elvish are nerds. ** In a similar fashion, I'm friends with some people who are obsessed with Warhammer40K. I, who have no real interest in Warhammer, think that they are nerds. They in turn, think that my borderline unhealthy obsession with TheLegendOfZelda makes me a bigger nerd than they are. *** High five fellow troper. * This troper's friends are all fans of ''StarTrek'', ''StarWars'', and various comic books. If they ever found out of my love for ''Series/DoctorWho'', well... * This troper, who regularly hangs out with his friends to play what can only be described as "D&D [[ThisIsYourPremiseOnDrugs on heavy doses of LSD]], nearly had a mental shutdown when his mother asked if he needed any [[{{LARP}} props for the game]]. * Oh boy, where do I start? I used to live with the impression I was a real geek and nerd and well, all that, but after reading several tales and articles in this same website, I realize than maybe I'm not really a geek after all (at least, for Internet standards): I don't like anime, manga or even Western comics (Most of what I know about them comes from Hollywood movies that my brother forces me to watch in the first place); I'm not really into the sci-fi, I only play videogames from time to time (I guess most of hardcore fans call a "casual gamer"); I could live without watching anything by Joss Wheddon, and you know which are my favorites TV shows? Stuff like 30 Rock or The Office; yeah, I apreciate relatively "oscure" movies, but I'm very mainstream for a troper standard, what somehow makes the whole

situation sadder, because I'm not that geeky but either that "normal" * I got into an argument with a friend of mine, trying to prove he had more nerdy stuff on his person than I did. (I had the first volume of the ''{{Film/Serenity}}'' comics and a couple volumes of ''{{Runaways}}'', and he had a StarWars folder and [[http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirtsapparel/unisex/sciencemath/6dff/?cpg=ab this shirt]]. After I pointed out the latter he conceded.) * This troper is part of the shmup fanbase, and as rude as they can be at times, there is one particular fan who manages to grind even their gears for being a total ass who runs a forum that he bans anyone from for the slightest of mistakes or disagreements. * This troper has a girl in his school whose geek credentials are... shall we say... not in question. Definitely nice and outgoing, but despite having mutual interests, I cannot for the life of me even bring myself to ''mention'' anything anime or manga related. At the slightest hint, she will leap headfirst into a nonstop one-sided discussion about AxisPowersHetalia for at least ten minutes. If any of her other friends are around, the discussion can become a selfperpetuating cycle. So the slightest mention of anything that can be read from right to left is like going swimming and sticking your pinky toe into a whirlpool: One wrong move and you'll be sucked into something you want no part of. ** Um... hi. * If I ever meet someone who's a roleplayer, I'll arrange their execution behind the chemical shed personally if they play {{FATAL}} ** I think that's more of a case of EvenEvilHasStandards. Not that I'm implying roleplayers are inherently evil. It's just that FATAL is not a nerdy pursuit as much as a horrifying one. * This Troper's cousins believe he's a nerd. Then they hear stories of the people in my Scifi club who cosplay, speak Klingon, or LARP, and suddenly they think having an appreciation of Western Comics is rather tame. * I'm not sure if this counts, as the guy in question seemed less inclined to believe that he was less geeky than others, and more ignorant of the fact that he was geeky in the first place. Anyway, at the supermarket where this troper works, he was discussing Christmas presents with a co-worker (this being shortly after Christmas), when the co-worker enthusiastically explained that his favourite present that year had been the first series DVD of the CGI ''StarWars: The Clone Wars'' cartoon. Fair enough -- this troper didn't like it (not due to this trope -- he just preferred the Gennedy Tartavosky ''Clone Wars'' cartoon), but to each their own. Later during breakfast (it was the morning shift), this troper and some other co-workers where discussing ''AssassinsCreed 2'', which we had all got for Christmas. Said StarWars fanboy overheard this, and loudly declared "Oh my god, you saddo's talking about your wee games" while miming flailing at an analogue. I have friends who upon being told this story assume the guy was being ironic, as oppossed to an ignorant hypocrite, but I'm honestly sure he was serious. * [[Tropers/JChance This Troper]] tends to apply this a bit sideways - it's not particular interests, it's a [[SingleIssueWonk lack of

breadth]] and/or mindless or shallow devotion in place of intellectualism and playfulness that bring out his snark. * This Troper loves to make passing references to celebrities, but even he knows when ChuckNorris jokes are starting to wear thin. * This troper used to think of herself as a True Geek. Then she found out that some of her peers -- in TOP SET SCIENCE, no less -- thought science worked the way it does in Hollywood and ''WoW''. Then she decided she was significantly less geeky than them (also, they made so many meme references she was ready to bang my head on her desk and cry at times). * This Troper suffered a bit of a shock, when his brother said the name of a Pokemon, and he realised he knew which Pokemon that was. ** You think that's bad? Me & two other friends looked up a giant catalogue of all the Pokemon, picked out which ones we liked, which ones we didn't know, which were lame--then to which Pokemon games were the best. It was also at a Halo: Reach midnight release. Which we then played for seven straight hours, despite having ''college classes'' the next day. ** This troper had already looked up average stats for the pokmon in Gen V (Hey that's not a bad idea given that there's no previous ones available legitimately during the standard game!) so that he could organize a nice offense team when they finally come out in March. I'm actually thinking of Enuboh/Tepig's evolution, Shibirudon&Zekrom, Ranculus, Baibanira, Waruvial, and Purgatora. * This troper has a bad habit of trying to out-nerd everyone he meets. So far he's [[strike:winning]] [[strike:losing]] I don't even know any more. * [[Tropers/MegTheMaggot I]] love D&D, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Interestingly, people with mainstream interests don't seem to care about my [[ProudToBeAGeek Geek Pride]], other than some light-hearted ribbing. It's only the gamers (and by gamers, I mean {{Scrub}}s) who mock me for it. Also interestingly, the aforementioned Scrubs tend to be universally disliked, whereas I am respected, if not popular. * I've noticed, when it comes to Halo fans [not the fandom, because for every fandom, there's a hatedom], that there is a complicated hierarchy with 'Only own Halo 3/Reach' as the lightest, possibly most asshole of the Halo fandom, to "I made my own functional, working, realistic MJOLNIR Spartan-II uniform and actually ''wear it''" being the rank that even the comics/books collectors & fantards look away from in shame. ** What's even worse though, is if you're a chick. * [[FurryFandom Furry]] troper here, and while my parents are way more aware of and open about fandom than you'd expect, they are surprisingly clueless in regards to the infamous Geek Hierarchy. No matter how much I tell them, they just can't grasp the fact that yes, furries are the {{Butt Monkey}}s of nerddom, and even the hardcores sci-fi nerds, Anime nerds, comic book geeks, etc look down on us. In fact... my mom doesn't even seem to realize that furries are an AcceptableTarget ''at all'', and will casually and openly talk about me being a furry to her friends, which can get ''really'' awkward. It's especially awkward when I'm lucky enough to meet another fantasy nerd, be they into Anime, sci-fi, comics, or whatever puts them on the

Geek chart to begin with, and my mom will say something like "Oh, you should go to that next animal-people convention with them, I'm sure they'd love it... " Um, sorry Mom, [[NoJustNo but... it just doesn't work that way]], as confusing as that may sound. * Whoo boy, gamers... where do I start? The gaming community seems to have a lot of this. Do you like PS3? XBox 360 fanboys will give you lots of crap for it. Do you like XBox 360? Start defending yourself from the wrath of PS3 fanboys. Prefer the Wii? Be prepared to get flamed by PS3 and XBox 360 fans. Wii fanboys aren't much better, and sometimes claim PS3 and XBox have little difference, and only focus on boring FPS games. PC fanboys, on the other side, look down on console gamers as a whole -- only to get attacked again by *insert console here* fanboys. The handhelds(DS and PSP) are usually left out of this discussion, but often, they are not looked upon as "real" gaming compared to the big consoles. (Note the way I use "fan/like" and "fanboy" differently. I'm not saying all *console/pc* fans are like this, only fanboys -- and yes, applies to fangirls too -- fangirls as in fanboy's DistaffCounterpart, not... the more common stereotype.) * This troper thought about making the photo strip at the top of his Facebook page into a replica of ''{{Darius}}''[='=]s [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqX5k7FnpyM 3-screen setup]]. Then decided that would be too nerdy, even though he already has quite a reputation as "that shmup guy" amongst his friends. * [[Tropers/ManCalledTrue This troper]] is willing to spend (and has spent) one hundred hours on an {{Atlus}} game, used to watch anime to the near-exclusion of other programming (not so much lately), and reads any book that falls into his hands. He also thinks FPS fanatics have something seriously wrong with them and considers the MMORPG to be the antithesis of video games. * I recently joined my University Assassins' Guild, who play a game in which you attempt to find and kill other players with an assortment of weaponry. Hanging around with Assassins, one hears a lot of cheerfully good-natured mockery of larpers. Naturally, I have now started larping. * Dunno if this exactly fits here, so feel free to remove it if it doesn't, but I'm a {{Juggalo}} who utterly despises about 80% of his own subculture. They're...they're just so goddamn ''stupid'' sometimes! They can't tell the difference between a hater and a troll(like it matters over the internet anyway), they're always going on about how "ICP is too mainstream!" and "You're a fake-ass Juffalo if you like anything they made after 1994!", and the ''spelling''...ugh, don't even get me started on [[NoJustNo the goddamn spelling]]. Many of them also take themselves waaaayyy too seriously. How many Juggalos reading this right now genuinely thought that [[MemeticMutation Fuckin' Magnets]] was actually funny and wore it like a badge of honor rather than crying about it? All seven of you should give yourselves a pat on the back for actually being adults about that. Good job. The fact that some of us act so fucking "punk rock" and "counterculture" when we can get all of our trademark clothing at the fucking Hot Topic! Not only that, but I'm beginning to suspect that the few so-called "Juggalos" that I know outside of the internet are really just [[CompletelyMissingThePoint bigoted rednecks

who only wear the paint to seem interesting and use it as an excuse to get drunk/high and fuck shit up]]. * This troper is a fan (read: frequent watcher) of Series/DoctorWho and StarWars, yet he cannot stand people who think of one of them is the best thing since sliced bread, own all the merchandise and think that it is the only thing worth talking about (and cannot stand StarTrek). By a great irony, he is a wargamer (specifically 40k, although he is literally on the verge of giving it up), fan of metal, rock and punk music, fan of anime/manga, very avid reader, frequent ([[IncrediblyLamePun bad)]] joke teller, a real nice guy, fairly nerdy (although more in an {{Adorkable}} manner than the steriotypical nerd) an actor and singer (and, as of very recently, occational song writer) and very shy (to the extent that I think I'm love shy and suffering from social anxiety), which could, according on the nerd hierachy, make me even worse than them. I suppose my only real redeeming factor is my interest in sailing, rock climbing and pot holing. [[KarmaMeter Does anyone know where the hell I am on this nerd scale, especially if the only video games I play are on a PS2 once or twice a month?]] * For this troper its Manga and Anime and similarly styled american offerings. It could be because most of what gets exposed over here is far more concerned with style than substance (other geekdoms aren't quite this obsessed with style and if you can think of any, I don't want to know.) Its annoying because its infected other fandoms. Its why the GreenLantern is like the PowerRangers now. And the ''WesternAnimation/TeenTitans'' theme song is sung by two overly cutesy squeeky voiced ear worms. * This troper dislikes comic book fanboys/girls. Comic book fans are fine, but those who obsess over it are too whiney for me to stand. The worst part is how the fanboys hate manga and anime, and stubbornly cling that their American (or Canadian, or something else non-Asian) are the greatest. ---Reading a ''[[Main/EvenNerdsHaveStandards Troper Tales]]'' page? Are you nuts?! * Nope, this is cool. Who's with me? ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EvenTheDogIsAshamed * This Tropette taught her dog to cover his eyes with a paw on command. Her command is a hand gesture, so it's quite easy to sneak this in at parties after someone embarrasses themselves. Tee hee. * [[{{Night}} This Troper]] recalls the family Shetland Sheepdog ''barking'' at someone who made a particularly lunatic statement. This was not an isolated occurrence, and being a Shetland Sheepdog, barking is not to intimidate but to command. As in "YOU! STOP!" * [[@/{{Seanette}} One editor]] has a husband [[PungeonMaster who's addicted to puns and other smartassery]]. After one really awful "joke", his mother turned to her dog and asked the dog if she thought the joke stunk. The dog responded by putting a paw over her nose (no one had trained her to do any such thing. It was completely

spontaneous). * This troper's Boy Scout troop attended a summer camp which featured off-brand foodstuffs of questionable quality to be cooked for each troop's meals. The camp had a dog that wandered around the various campsites. We offered him some of our leftover scrambled eggs one day...and he promptly spat them out. We never returned. * My mom once tried making Gefilta Fish, that came out horrible. We gave it to our dog, who looked at it, and started crying. This is a dog that ate pickles, cookies, and meat that was in our fridge for what must have been decades, and he looked at this little piece of spongey fish in sweet sauce and CRIED. I NEVER KNEW A DOG COULD CRY. It's been held over her head for so long that to many people it's become a NoodleIncident. * I was once trying to train my stupid dog to "Speak" by going "Woofwoof!" At him. He twisted his head in confusion. Guess who's stupid now? * This troper was once having a break down for a stupid reason I can't remember, though [[ItMakesSenseInContext I think it was about underwear.]] Tears streaming down her face, she looked to her dog for comfort. The dog stared at me for a second before walking away. ---(dog whines and facepaws) (dog goes back to [[Main/EvenTheDogIsAshamed the main article]]) "Ugh, even Fido's disappointed." ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EvenTheSubtitlerIsStumped * I was giving a speech for my favorite teacher. This teacher was my first Spanish teacher, so I decided to devote a special part of my speech to her entirely in Spanish. What I hadn't expected though was that there was a signer. When I kicked into Spanish, the poor signer just gave up. * This troper often puts closed captioning on. A good half of the time the captions are pure glitch messes, horribly slow, or unintelligible. ---[[EvenTheSubtitlerIsStumped ???? ??? ????????? ?? ??????]]

EverybodyHatesHades * Tropers/DomaDoma wrote a poem in this vein. Of course, given [[SquarePegRoundTrope to what the Greek mythology conceit was being twisted to fit]], it was pretty much the only option. [[folder:Poem under the flap for excessive self-indulgence]] -> ''Winter's Dust'' -> Your [[GenkiGirl joy and vibrance]] are the wings -> That lift [[WhoWantsToLiveForever the darkness of my days]]; -> And now I see, [[EvilEye my eyes]] asting, -> [[DeadlyUpgrade How all these hours are flown away]].

-> [[TheDitz Persephone, Persephone]] -> I'm at your back unfailingly. -> [[TheBait You strayed]], [[UnwittingPawn you are in strangers' hands]], -> [[MamaBear But at your back, here yet I stand]]. -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> I'll find you yet, undo your ties, By my own skill, by some great chance I look afar, and [[TheReveal think I spy]], From out of Hell, [[ManipulativeBastard a backward glance]]. [[SwissMessenger Persephone, Persephone]] [[AlwaysSaveTheGirl The world's as nothing next to thee]]; [[HowDoYouLikeThemApples The fruit]] that you held in your hand, That seemed so sweet, tastes but of sand. These my eyes [[XanatosGambit see no recourse]] [[WhamEpisode This, the contract]] [[HeroicSacrifice I must sign]] This shall be my one remorse: My child, my child, [[MadLove you're yet confined]].

-> [[UngratefulBastard Persephone, Persephone]] -> [[NoJustNo Will you yet give a thought to me]]? -> The [[{{Timeskip}} winter]]'s dust rolls through [[DramaticThunder the rain]], -> And in the end, [[ThePurge what]] [[LaserGuidedAmnesia have we]] [[DrivenToSuicide gained]]? [[/folder]] ----

EverybodyHatesMathematics * Victims of cheap online math "classes" in high school and college, speak your minds now! ** The Maths program at Colorado State University. Hey people in the Chemistry and Physics department: Ever wonder why people fail your classes because they can't seem to do the math? Try learning it from the Computers! There are almost ''no'' tutors in there available for free (Sorry, don't say "hire a tutor" then - There are some of us who are trying to make ends meet and we can't use student loans to pay for those.) because all of the tutors that are available are being hogged for hours by other dyscalculaic students. Again, they're probably good tutors, but it's just that there are not enough, and that some of htem are not patient with having to explain stuff that to them is second nature for the ''fortieth'' time. I flat out gave up trying to take the test to get ''into'' the math classes (That's right - You have to test to get ''in'' to them, and there is nothing else that satisfies these requirements) when a math tutor yelled at me when I ''politely'' asked him how to solve the similar triangles problem. He told me, "oh my god - that's ''Similar Triangles''. Look at the damned video!" Well gee, I would - except guess what? ''It gives us an incompleted

solution''. Whoever thought that was a good idea should be fired and placed into witness protection. *** ...This Troper had just taken a break from her Similar Triangles homework via RageQuit, and stumbled upon this. Funny how coincidences work out. * Played With for This Troper. While I'm naturally more skilled at art, music, linguistics, and history, I used to be quite good at math as well-- on standardized tests, I would consistently get every mathematical problem correct, giving me the highest score in my school. I was the top of my class in both Honors Algebra I and Honors Geometry. However, as soon as I began Algebra II, I started playing this trope straight. I have an A in every class but Algebra II, where I'm barely earning a D. What I once understood completely now seems like total gibberish... * I really worried about math. I'm good at writing and reading, but the classes are so boring and tautologous. (Why, in order to write a good story you must have a climax? I never knew! And the main character in Macbeth's fatal flaw is his pride? You don't say!) I'm bad at art, unlike seeming every other creative person, and I'm good at acting due to physical limitations. I'm absolutely hopeless at math, and I feel like everyone else is automatically making leaps of logic that I just can't get. It's always a minus sign here, or a square root here, and I mess everything up. One little slip, and the entire equation explodes. I'm good at History, but History's funness is largely dependent on the teacher. It seems like whatever class I turns to, I'm either hopelessly bored or hopelessly lost. Somewhere along the way this stopped being about math, but basically I feel like the stuff I AM good at are useless and really useful stuff, like Math, is lost to me. Math is one of the only things I don't get that I really, really wish I did. It's frustrating. * Subverted with this troper in that he loves math, but can't stand the way math is taught (especially in high schools - rote memory and mindless plugging and chugging). He firmly believes that if the math curriculum was overhauled to not be so mind-numbingly dull, we'd be seeing a lot more math majors. ** Subverted by [[{{@/Delpolo}} this troper]] and his friends as well, but he'd like to say that it's really the teacher who doesn't realize how bad he makes it; it's played straight by a classmate, who complains that our Physics teacher pretty much only "explains"[[hottip:*:(beginner calculus so far, by the way)]] to the ones who understand already and that people lagging behind like him aren't given the chance to catch up, no matter the new "teaching method" he uses or the attempts to include them in class activities. * Completely played straight with this troper (Seraphania.) She's a pretty amazing writer for her age ([[BlatantLies and completely modest]] about it) and not bad at other "artsy" things like drawing, singing, and acting. But give her anything above Geometry and she freaks out and runs as far away as she can. She figures that she knows more than enough to survive in the real world, and like [[WritersCannotDoMath many other writers]] knows that she's not going to need to know how to do things like graph rational functions and so on.

** ...Meredith? ** You're not me (Devariouslevon), are you? This is way too much like me. Seriously. ** This troper would like to third the uncanny similarities. She has a theory about those things: you're either a math and science person, or a writing and reading person. Not creative or creative. Smart or not smart. Depending on which one you are. * Suberted with the ex-girlfriend of this troper. She loved mathematics, studied it at university and is currently in training to be a maths teacher. * Unlike most, I absolutely love mathematics and sometimes even solved math problems for fun. Its English I despise and constantly do poorly in, although my main reason for doing poorly in English is not doing anything at all even though I'm perfectly capable doing better than almost everyone else I know that isn't in some advanced class. Yeah, I'm a dumbass in that regard... * This troper, full stop. While having straight A's on everything from AP English to AP American History, she is barely getting a C in math. This tells you something. * Inverted for this troper. Everybody he hangs out with at college loves math, especially pure, theoretical math. (The fact that most of them are math majors may have something to do with it.) * This trope is EXACTLY why [[TsundeRay this college-attending troper]] doesn't like revealing his major ([[spoiler:Computer Science]]): said major involves math classes that [[MadMathematician h]][[CompleteMonster e]] himself can handle, but he has friends who fit this trope and he feels like shit every time they talk about how they find even the easiest math classes to be harder than [[IWannaBeTheGuy becoming The Guy]] on Impossible. ** [[JakeLikesCheddar This Troper]] has resorted to coming out with some sort of remark in order to diffuse the tension whenever he mentions that he's studying pure maths. Doesn't stop the next line being "I always hated maths" nine times out of ten. ** [[SalFishFin This Troper]] was wondering if he had somehow logged onto TvTropes in his sleep/ drunken stupor and posted here without his knowledge. * This troper did very well on her Junior Cert exams, and did average enough in Maths, getting a C in the honours test. Roll on Home Ec. the next year, where we were calculating kilojoules or something along those lines. Anyway, me and my classmates had to do a simple maths sum: 14 x 17! I said to them that it was an easy enough sum, while they all said I was some sort of maths-loving 'swot' despite the fact the question was SO EASY it wouldn't enough come up on my or their (ordinary level) exams either! They didn't want to be seen doing long multiplication. .; I mean, I barely like maths myself, but...! ** This troper remembers his Junior Cert and being told in a round about way that he must have been a bit of a freak because he figured out a relatively simple problem, that everybody was approaching the wrong way. He also observed hatred for maths during his Leaving Cert where his honours class went from about 23 people to 6 people by the end of the year. Even though there was 6 of us, only 2 of us were exceptional at it but all 6 were still considered to be some sort of

mutant. That said, this troper will admit to enjoying maths so much he chose it as a degree. * This troper is a subversion, as she is good at math and really doesn't mind it at all. ...Until you hit engineering-level calculus. When she attempted it, it took her three times to pass the first class with a C, and she failed the second course. Then she switched majors into microbiology and found all she needed was one more Calculus class... which she went into the final knowing that she had to get a '''4%''' in order to ''get a D'' in the class. Yes, she would have had to botch the final like she never did before to not pass. (No, I didn't do that. I got a B on my final, and a B in the class.) ** What exactly constitutes "engineering-level calculus"? If you mean Stokes' theorem and stuff with integrals, if you have a little feeling for high-school math you could grasp that... But more played straight by most of my fellow physics students, for most don't like the more theoretical stuff (unless you major in both physics and math, in which case you are an alien) *** No, integrals were surprisingly ''easy'' for me. Possibly due to taking calculus in high school (and struggling with that, but barely passing). It's stuff like polar quantities, things related to notbasic physics and complex calculations, all crammed into shorter than average quarters, with a large lecture, and the two nastiest (and more related to how it was taught) not expected to do homework (which makes it harder for the troper to force herself to do it) and expected to ''memorize'' every equation in the engineering classes. While I like math for the challenge, a formula sheet and ''forcing'' me to practice is the difference in between passing well or failing horribly. That and I ended up realizing I had been trying to get my father's approval, hence engineering, then realized how much I '''hated''' the details of the subject and how much [[NightmareFetishist I adored diseases]]. So while I have respect for the people who do math for a living, I'll never do it myself and I'm going to hug my plushie of the Black Death now. * This troper usually answered when asked if he would study Engineering or Computer Science in College (to quite a few people's shock, he's doing Journalism): "AM I STUPID ENOUGH TO PICK UP SOMETHING WITH MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?" ** [[FlyingDutchman This unregistered trooper]] choose to go into [[TakeAThirdOption Informatics and Computing Engineering]]. Also wouldn't the d/dx(EverybodyHatesMathematics) at the bottom of this page [[CompletelyMissingThePoint simply be equal to 0]]? *** [[CriticalResearchFailure No, because the page isn't constant]]. We can let x be time, storage space, number of views or any other interesting dimension. *** I'm a [[ViewersAreMorons moron]], thank you for correcting me. *** Unless of course you assume that it is effectively constant for sufficiently small intervals of x. ** Just to prevent misunderstanding: the original troper doesn't have anything against people who study CS and Engineering. But many people thought his major would be that, when he ''has'' something against Math. * In high school, this Troper had marks in the 95-100 range throughout

Math 30 and 31 (Albertan equivalents of standard grade 12 math classes), yet never got above a 92 in anything else. He also took Math 20IB (IB being International Baccalaureate, a Nightmare Difficulty advanced program) and got an 81. Not bad, but math was generally laughably easy. Ask him about Chemistry, however... ** ...There is a traitor in our midst. Where's my [[BattlestarGalactica Cylon-whackin']] stick? * This troper's former secondary schoolmates. * This troper is a subversion, liking maths, being good at it, and being crazy enough to start trying to solve maths problems at the oddest times (e.g. in the middle of lunch break having found a sheet, on the way back from the airport having been awake for 25 hours). Some of this troper's maths classmates, however, embody this trope. ** This troper is also a subversion in the geekiest way possible-at the moment, she's doing statistics homework while listening to Calculus the Musical. Yes. Calculus the Musical. The songs are actually quite catchy. *** You, ma'am, are awesome. This troper doesn't do complex problems when bored, but she likes doing her addition, subtraction, and multiplication by hand if she has the time and doesn't mind putting in the effort to handwrite things. **** Calculus the Musical???? Excellent, I must look that up. * This English major's reasons for choosing [[RedundantDepartmentOfRedundancy English as his major]] is two-fold: 1) '''MATH IS AWFUL''' and B) English is tolerable. ** The same cannot be said of This Troper's Theatre Major. A major about Theatre Arts has REQUIRED math classes. Sure, the math classes aren't all that advanced, but I failed Algebra. In my placement exam my math score put me in the 2nd lowest math class (which is what my 10th grade brother is taking this year, which I failed in 10th grade). What's worse is that EVERY major requires math classes (because god knows actors use calculus on a regular basis). Which brings up a small question: what the hell is calculus? *** [[BetterThanItSounds It's a bunch of tricks for adding up an infinite amount of infinitely small slices.]] * This troper is a variation... though he loves Calculus, he can't stand Linear Algebra! This troper's doing Civil Engineering BTW. ** So is [[FourtyTwoHz this troper]]. He's doing Electrical Engineering (but considers moving to either Mathematics or Computer Science due to the excessive, annoying amount of Physics in EE) ** I graduated several years ago with a degree in computer science. I adored calculus and linear algebra, but statistics was a hard slog for me. When I got a 3.0 in stats as my final grade, I treated myself to a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a couple of [=CDs=] as a private celebration. * This troper both loves and hates math. He got a C- in freshman level Algebra 2, took a senior level Trig/Stat class sophomore year and got a B, and is now in a sophomore level precalc class and is failing. * This troper did fairly well in math throughout school but still hated the subject as it was so boring. Then she got to college level calculus and hated math even more as it made no sense at all to her. * I hated maths. The teacher would help me solve it when I asked and

prodded endlessly (I'm already no good at it), but the textbooks were fucking ''evil'' - they'd give you a formula. You're zipping along, understanding the original equations, then there's some sort of fucking subversion or flip '''that is not fully explained''' by either the book or the teacher. Then the paper tests would consist of all these subversions. Needless to say, he prays to God his major (Bio) won't rape him in the arse ''too'' much. * When this troper was an undergraduate, one of her math professors said that when he mentioned his job at a party, the most common response was, "Oh. I always hated math." Now that she's in graduate school and teaching mathematics, she's started to get this too. * This troper DOES NOT hate mathematics. He merely cannot see any beauty in numbers, and thus finds them less interesting than words. * [[MisterBernie This troper]] saw calculus as an easy subject to ace and liked it well enough. Then mathematics class introduced [[ItGotWorse stochastics and analytic geometry]]. The former was salvaged somewhat by that one time we played roulette in class. * Fourth period math class is trouble. This is the class period in which NOBODY pays attention. This is the class period where we secretly play with Play-Doh while she lectures, start the wave when the teacher leaves the room, and play practical jokes on each other. For example, this troper found her purse in the recycling bin. * Everyone in this troper's class either really hates math or sort of dislikes math. Except for this troper, giving her a reputation for being a geek, and smart. * This troper was in Math 55, the Harvard class that is considered harder than hell. You start out with near 100 people and you end up with... 13-14 for the first semester. Then, for the second? 10, usually no more. Those 10, including me, ADORE math and want to have its beautiful babies. The ones that drop out early tend to give up on math, because it shows them that they aren't destined to be mathematicians. But they are still fond of it. Those that drop Math 55b halfway through the year, however, are constantly reminded of their failure, failure, failure. They tend to * rock* Math 25, but after 55, it seems just... pointless. They're idiots to think that they're idiots, but after the year of hell, anything is possible. ** Normally I really like mathematics myself, but trying to do past Sixth Term Examination Papers, whether for fun, or for actually getting to study Mathematics at places like Cambridge University in the UK (which uses STEP papers as an entrance requirement for this subject), can often end up with me ragequitting while trying to do a question for fun. The vast majority of mathematicians will find the papers [[{{Understatement}} scary beyond belief]]. They are supposed to be aimed at the top 5% of A-Level students in mathematics. For people not from the UK, A-Level exams are the last thing you take before going to university. A-Level exams in Mathematics are absolutely trivial by comparison to STEP papers, which are used to find the [[{{Understatement}} elite]] mathematicians. For each paper (Step I and Step II if you only did one A-Level in mathematics, otherwise it's Step II and Step III), you have about 14 questions, and you may answer any 6 for a maximum of 120 marks. The time limit is THREE HOURS. For a grade 1 (the highest grade is grade S), doing

really well in just 4-5 questions will be enough to get you one. If you're doing Step III, you can get a grade 1 with less than HALF of the total marks. This may sound generous, but only people who are super-geniuses should try 6. Advice from Cambridge recommends doing just 4 really well in some cases (that means 45 minutes per question for 4 questions, instead of 30 minutes per question for 6). The worst part is, even 45 minutes per question is NOT a lot of time. You have to make steps in the dark, instead of simply applying rules mechanically. If you don't 'see' a way of solving a problem with ingenuity, along with a high degree of skill in manipulating equations/algebra etc, then you are royally screwed. You need to get Grade 1s, or maybe 1 Grade 1 and 1 Grade 2 to pass IIRC. If you want to witness the horror, go to [[http://www.admissionstests.cambridgeassessment.org.uk/adt/step/Test+ Preparation this link]], there are plenty of past papers with solutions and examiner's comments. Just doing 2 mathematics A-Levels by itself proves extremely demanding, and there were only 7 people left in my class after the odd person dropped out (there weren't many to begin with, and the people who were there ranged from good to godlike at Mathematics, I ended up somewhere in the middle). * This troper is way into math and science, and actually started college as a biology major before realizing that she just wasn't inherently good enough with math to pursue it. Given a choice between struggling with something she liked and being comfortable with something she loved (literature), she naturally chose the latter. She likes math and science a lot more now she can read about it in her spare time instead. * THis troper averts this, but he knows waaaay too many people that doesn't know that percentual numbers means N/100. * This troper hates math, but [[TerryPratchett hate is an attractive force, just like love]]... She keeps taking calculus classes while complaining to everyone how horrible it is. But math must be mastered, [[ForScience FOR SCIENCE!]] * [[{{Gancena}} This high-school senior Troper]] is okay at math. No genius, but she understood the concepts better than most of her classmates. This does still technically stand in her AP Calculus class, but it has been almost nightmarish. She barely passed the first semester, and God knows where she is now. She's considering going into Computer Science myself, but after hearing the stories about the math classes necessary... seriously reconsidering. ** On top of that, math-heavy ''sciences'' are the devil for her. Honors Chemistry was a bit rough, but AP Physics C is seriously making her freak out. She can do problems in there that involve one formula, but any more complex and she starts to [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} fade out.]] * This Troper is a variation, he doesn't really like maths (but doesn't hate it) but is quite good, at least up to high school level (justified as that is where this Troper is) and finished his maths one year before everyone else. * This Troper has [[http://www.dystalk.com/talks/32-what-isdyscalculia Dyscalculia]] which means aside from basic math skills,(which I still have trouble with sometimes)I have no

mathematical knowledge what so ever. [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel I'm terrified of the day I'll have to do taxes or help my children with their math homework.]] * This troper can write five sentences in only ten minutes, can have a history quiz done within seconds of receiving it, but hates, ''hates'', '''HATES''' Math! Its evil! Evil, I tell you! Anyone else agree with me? ** Oh my God...you must be my long-lost twin! ** My goodness! [[Tropers/DivineRose125 I]] think that you and I are the same person! ** I... am the exact opposite. Math is awesome, and the feeling I get after finally solving a math problem that I've been wrestling with for the past hour is beyond compare. It's like a well made video game, where the boss is really hard, but not hard enough to completely frustrate you and make you lose all hope, and you're exhilarated when he finally dies. But history is the ''worst.'' It's an abomination and ought to be wiped off the face of the earth! Who's with me?? *** I am with you, math is very awesome. In addition to getting rid of history, I would like to get rid of dumb english classes where I am forced to read something then over-analyze it and write a paper about it. * This troper, having heard of and deriding the OC-cliche that the girls despise math but love art and literature classes, created a Sailor Moon OC for whom math is her favorite subject--because the numbers don't change and she can find some peace and order when working out equations. * This troper is perfectly capable of doing math, even taking AP Calculus and doing very well on the AP exam back in the day. I just find math to be incredibly boring and would rather not do it. * This troper is discalculaic and is completely unable to understand anything beyond Algebra. To me it feels like I'm trying to play a puzzle game, then when you go to another round...the rules are changed and you aren't actually ''told'' so at all. A troper who said they flip and subvert the equations hit it ''on the dot''...we're taught only how to do ''one'' equation. When they flip it around, it's almost like making a whole different equation out of it! No ''wonder'' people read this and find it incomprehensible! For the record, the math hatred was what caused me to switch my major in the first place - One word, Calculus. ** Another thing that also doesn't help is that Colorado State University has these Freshman level Math "Classes" that absolutely ''nobody'' learns from. Calling them "Classes" in the first place is pretty much an insult to the very theory of education itself, to show how utterly ''incompetent'' they are. *** At this troper's university, Basic College Algebra is only taught one day a week. The rest of the time you must go to the MATHEMATICS LAB and learn from a COMPUTER, and there are like no math tutors. '''[[{{Memetic Mutation}} FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU--]]''' * Thistroper doesn't ''hate'' math per say but she doesn't like it. It's her worse subject. Even then, being that she's at least two grades ahead of her grade in every other class, she's average in math. She would probably be ahead if she knew basic division and most of her

multiplication tables... * Played VERY straight for Anthony_H... * ThisTroper is starting to feel this way about statistics, differential equations, and calculus (beyond level 2), even though math was historically his best subject. * This is the VERY SOLE REASON WHY [[{{neves783}} THIS TROPER]] QUIT COMPUTER SCIENCE AND WENT JOURNALISM INSTEAD! [[{{LargeHam}} After all, writing is my passion]]. * This troper can't be the only person who finds the process of learning Calculus significantly easier than the process of learning Algebra. Calculus is only difficult because of the Algebra involved (which is unfortunately a lot), but feels that if you did well in Algebra Calculus should be a breeze since the amount of '''new''' material you learn in Calculus (starting from derivatives to multivariable calculus) is much less than the amount of new material you learn in Algebra/Precalculus. * [[{{Frog753}} This troper]] has trouble understanding math, is slow at it, and finds absolutely nothing about it to be interesting and/or intriguing. It's one of the major ways I differ from being a typical nerd. I suppose it does make me a classic case of WritersCanNotDoMath. Most of my closest friends here at college, though, are math/science people, so I sometimes feel a bit left out. However, the great thing about college is that I essentially don't have to take math or science classes at all except for like one in each category to fulfill curriculum requirements! * [[ShadowOfTheSun This troper]] is sort of a weird subversion. He loves mathematics; he finds an amazing amount of beauty in numbers and conceptually finds mathematics amazingly interesting. He's just horribly bad at maths. * This troper loves math, but the problem is he only loves math when it involves theoretical physics (Yes, the Einstein, Hawking, quantum mechanics sort of things), simply because it was interesting and ItAmusedMe. Oh, and he's horribly bad at writing equations. * This troper absolutely detests math, but it is generally quite adept at it and has little problem learning math. Physics, computer science, and engineering, on the other hand, are just grand, the more equations the merrier. It's really just the intellectual masturbation of pure math that turns him off, but he loves the applied equations and using them to actually do something. Unfortunately, one still has to take a lot of pure math before you get to the fun stuff. On the English and Arts side, he loved history but hated English and the rest for many years. Upon finally getting a decent English teacher (possibly the only one in existence) and starting to care about it, he got both adept at it and started to enjoy it. Still took Computer Science in university though. * This Troper had a MATH TEACHER who said many times that he, too, hated mathematics. Perhaps he was refering to the particular type of math, but still, quite ironic. * This troper - the original Trope Proposer - adores maths, largely for its purity. There's no woolly area - either something is right or it is wrong (the same reason a lot of arty types hate it, of course). But I've long since recognised that Maths was completely the wrong

degree to study at university, due to the sheer pervasiveness of this trope among other people. I should have done joint honours Maths and Physics. * Math is fun. What's wrong with all you people? The teacher makes all the difference. ** It's been argued (quite accurately) that the best maths teachers are usually the best mathematicians. ** I can tell you what's wrong: Colorado State University's math program. It is an insult to the very theory of education itself...you have to learn math from ''a computer''. A computer that assumes you have a state-of-the-art-$600 calculator (Yeah, most of the foreign students are asking to be helped how to figure out the damned thing) ''doesn't even TEACH'' you how to do the fucking math problems in the first place(It would ''really'' '''''REALLY''''' help if I was told which subversions and the like would be actually ''on'' the test...the best way to pass these bloody "classes" are to ''memorize answers''.) I have reason to believe that the only reason it wasn't axed and the people behind it fired is because they got secret deals with the math tutors so they can charge $20 an hour, (And lemme ask you ''what'' College Freshman can afford ''that'' with Tuition being what it is?) since they ''know'' all of the "Free" tutors are being hogged by people who don't even know how to use a calculator and who're trying to figure out what it means, so unless you're willing to wait 6 hours for someone to come by and help you, time to pay through the nose for a math tutor. It's just an utter wall banger why they haven't removed this - I bet you they're also paying away the board of education from shutting it down and putting in some real regulations. ** Wait a minute, I don't remember posting that! ** No, you can have good teachers and still hate math. I am living proof. Math geniusessesesses don't understand how HARD and frustrating math is for [[CalvinAndHobbes math athiests]]. *** While I resent the wilful ignorance in the phrasing of this statement, the point is entirely valid. This troper (the original YKTTW-er, for the record) has a degree in maths, and has been doing maths all his life. I get Maths. I see it as an entirely logical process, a series of well-ordered and well-defined steps from problem to solution with pretty much no need for fluff or deviation. And as such, I know I could never be a Maths teacher because I ''know'' I'll never understand why anybody can't follow the steps or the processes; they're clear, they're specific, there's no grey areas, where's the problem? (Of course, that probably ''is'' the problem; you can't BS your way through maths. It's the most exact and precise of all the subjects.) At which point, I'm forced to assume that it's not because people ''can't'' do maths, it's because they ''won't''. "It's too HARD and I HATE it and I'm NOT doing it and BAWWWWW!" And then I'm screwed as a teacher. (I have roughly the same feelings towards discalculists.) * To all who hate maths, I would pay particular attention to the above 2 statements. It's quite possible it's not your fault. Having a bad teacher in maths is probably worse than any other subject, because at least in all the other subjects you mostly use words, which you use every day.

* This troper adores math. He finds it logical, and mostly easy to understand because everything boils down to the careful application of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. That still doesn't stop him from using Math classes to catch up on his sleep. ** This troper is exatly the same. AP Calculus was her favourite subject back in ninth grade, but that didn't stop her from using most of the class time to program games on her calculator. * This troper's mom and dad think he should love math, being autistic and all. Well, when you know how to do it, math can be fun. Except that to me, it's more like you're playing a game, the people in charge change the rules, and don't fully explain them. I have reason to believe it's the teachers' faults...because it's like playing a game of ''TeamFortress2'', and then playing a round with Pyro, then suddenly being kicked from the server because you couldn't use pyros for the next round, you weren't told, then expected to know. and then the ''next'' round, you can use pyros again, except the only way you can actually use them or actually ''do'' anything without being kicked is if you walked behind someone and axed them. And then the next round, no medics, and you're supposed to ''win''. * [[Tropers/RedWren This troper]] is good at math, and doesn't get the big deal. Though quite a few of her classmates do look at her funny for it...especially when, to stave off boredom, she started writing the prime factorization for every page in her notebook. She also marked perfect squares. Though, she does admit that when the class is dragging behind or skipping ahead, math is the [[WorstWhateverEver worst. Subject. Ever.]] * I was quite happy with maths up to the point when it stopped being about solving puzzles about trains and people's multi-legged journeys to towns a conveniently round number of miles away. A good indicator of having gone too far is when the formulae contain more letters than numbers and most of those are greek. ** [[IncrediblyLamePun So the formulae became all greek to you?]] [[YouAreNotAlone Hey, me too!]] * The main reason I hate math? The teacher doesn't have enough time to teach us about how to do the subversions and flips, and the people who publish the books don't realize that usually, if you don't have the teacher ''right there'', you won't figure it out. It's like playing a game of ''NeedForSpeed'' when you win one race, then the game flips the controls around for the next race and expects you to ''somehow'' have the Psychic Power to know what the new controls are, then penalizes you for not realizing what the controls are. Really, can you imagine a ''video game'', or even a ''Liberal Arts'' class getting away with that? If it were a video game, they'd be crying "FakeDifficulty! ''FakeDifficulty''!" and trashing it because ItsHardSoItSucks, and if it were a liberal arts class, the professor would either get in trouble or get downrated into oblivion by the students. * There are multiple reasons this troper hates his math class. It may have something to do with the fact that half the class is done through an ([[{{Unwinnable by Mistake}} extremely buggy]]) computer program, which DOESN'T TEACH YOU MATH, and has all kinds of arbitrary limitations. And the other half of the class, it appears the

instructor is just pulling shit out of his ass. ** Oh yeah do ''I'' know that...I once got a question wrong on something that ''literally'' made the difference between passing and failing and I called a math instructor in because I had quite ''literally'' entered the ''correct answer'' and it ''still'' counted it as incorrect. Even they said it was a bug, but unfortunately, ''I had to take the bloody test again'' and they couldn't say "Hey, the program glitched he should have had this right." * This troper doesn't hate math per se, but he hates the concepts of it he cannot interpret visually (for example, integrals). If you saw him solve a complex geometry problem, you'd see him switch back and forth between writing the needed calculations on paper, and gesturing wildly as if he was operating the UnusualUserInterface from MinorityReport: this is because when he is gesturing, he is visualizing with his mind the shapes the problem is about, to figure out the solution by "seeing" how the shapes interact with each other. On the other hand, if you saw this troper attempting to develop an integral, you'd see him either almost immobile, concentrated on the next passage, or writing down the next passage when he figured it out. Unless he can't figure it out, so you'd see him do something else entirely to avoid that torture. * This is why I'm an EnglishMajor. Why? As I put it to my friends, "A good essay writer is a good BS'er": you can debate opinions and come up with interpretations in literature truth English studies and discourse studies. That's ''fun''. Trying to find a set answer that you can't interpret another way? Damned if it isn't hard. Ironically, my little sis is incredibly smart at math. Screw gender stereotypes! * At a gaming convention, I ended up getting lunch with a guy I was playing a game with, and his wife. During the discussion, the fact that she was working on a PhD in statistics came up, and when I said "Fun!", she replied that that was not the usual reaction she got from people (after first confirming that I was serious). * This Troper is very fond of maths. Unfortunately, maths does not feel the same what about me. * [[{{Pittsburghmuggle}} This Troper]] loves sciences, and maths by extension. This troper has a dyslexia. Math and Dyslexia do not mix well, as I was so neatly reminded of last week during a cash audit that wasn't working out well and eventually discovered I was ''consistently'' typing $21.12 as $12.21. If only schools taught a "Conceptual Math" like they do science.... * Subverted, then played straight with this troper. He got a C at GCSE, which was his overall grade average (mostly C's, some B's and one D...in my favourite subject (music)). So, he took a maths A level. For AS, he got a U. He also took English Lit (he had B's for both sides at GCSE) and got a C for AS. He has since started taking an AS in English Language, due to also failing ICT, [[BeyondTheImpossible but by far more than possible to believe]]. [[spoiler:for the curious, he got a total in ICT of 44 marks...out of 300. For maths, he got 73 out of 300. An E in both is 40% of 300. Work it out.]] By a great irony, he is very good at making army lists for wargaming without a calculator and probability is his fort, to the extent that he uses that knowledge in wargaming all the time to determine what the odds

are of him surviving or dying in an assault. [[NeverTellMeTheOdds For some reason, he often rolls far lower than the odds should be, while the opponent often rolls far higher than the odds should be]]. Funnily enough, maths was the only lesson he was indifferent about at GCSE: he either liked the others (ah, music...) or hated (english. There's irony for you...). Unsurprisingly, his best friend went on record as saying such gems as, "Maths is evil. It makes my head hurt" and "Examiners are evil." [[OhCrap In front of an examiner's daughter.]] Luckily, she didn't end him (her being a friend of me helped a bit), just politely pointed out the fact, to which I kept reminding him whenever he made the comment again. * I'm an odd example, in that I'm actually not bad at math, but I hate it anyway. * I always got A's in math but nevertheless thought it was boring, annoying and way too much time was spent on it. The fact that my Grade eight teacher loved the subject to the point of teaching us math problems when she was supposed to be teaching English or history (preferred subjects for this troper)if she ran out of time during the actual math period, didn't help. Later I realized it wasn't math I hated but the teaching style that tends to go with teaching it. * This troper made the mistake of taking Physics in high school, found he couldn't make heads or tails of the physics equations, and pleaded with his parents to let him quit. They responded that it was "out of the question". They eventually changed their minds after seeing my report card, when I got a 43 and the teacher commented that, although I had a hard time with the material, I nonetheless put forth a consistent effort. ** While I dropped Physics before I could fail it, I stuck it out in Math 30. I tried everything I could think of-private tutoring, afterschool study sessions, extra paid courses, but nothing worked. On the day of my final exam, I realized that there was no conceivable way I could pass the test, so I just decided that[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere I'd pick random answers so I could get the hell out of there.]] I got a 31% and failed the test, getting around a 45% on my final mark for the class. My parents gave me clemency after seeing everything I went through to try and actually learn the material, but realized I just couldn't do it. * This Troper hated mathematics due to a combination of boredom, being unable to be specific in quantities (maths, unlike philosophy, require sharp specification, for example in philosophy [[NineteenEightyFour 2+2 can become 5]], but in math, 2+2=4 and it will always be 4), and accidental ''Pavlovian conditioning''. Before, I did badly at subjects, not because they are hard, but because they are dull. The maths teachers taught boringly. In fact, I am fascinated with Science, even though it is a body of knowledge that is heavily dependent on mathematics, and it is such because Science contained concepts and pictures that are eldritch yet elegant. Thus, I sometimes ignored math. My mother's response? Being the dogmatic [[strike:bitch]] authority that she is, she would force me to do mathematics, and when I fail, she would fucking beat me. I went on and on with the courses, and when I study math, I cannot bring myself to appreciate it, even though in advanced courses math actually had its share of spectacular

{{Eldritch Abomination}}s like fractals. I studied some Psychology books, and after recalling my cause for math impairment, I found out that what my mother did was an accidental form of Pavlovian classical conditioning, where a neutral object is paired with a stimulus that causes an unconditioned response, and the pairing causes the neutral object to emit the almost same response. Take for example, a dog is shown food paired with a bell ringing, causing it to salivate, and it goes on and on until the dog salivates at the lone sound of a ringing bell. Basically, in the field of math, This Troper hates maths because I suffered ''AClockworkOrange''. * For this editor, any divisions between art and math can go and screw itself. I'm not much good at math (I DO have a grasp of basic concepts but that's about it) but found time and again that "logic and patterns" very much apply to, say, literary analysis and just life in general. He considers his personal CrowningMomentOfAwesome hammering into his cousin that the stuff that makes him good at math also makes him good at writing essays. Said cousin's score on the final exam very much proved his point. * It's not that I hate mathematics, I hate the phonology around it. Specifically, as an American English speaker, it's always been "math", never "maths". "Maths" just sounds terribly wrong to me for whatever reason. You wouldn't say, "I'm not good at sciences", you'd say, "I'm not good at science"! You wouldn't say, "I'm not good at arts", you'd say, "I'm not good at art"! You might say 'the sciences' or 'the arts', but for whatever reason saying 'the maths' also sounds wrong. It just-- it pisses me off! It sounds wrong, but there's no grammatical reason for it to be wrong! ** As a British English speaker, I can say that I have the opposite experience -- "maths" sounds right to me, while "math" sounds... unfinished. It would be like saying "scien" or "ar" instead of "science" or "art". * Averted with [[{{Tropers/Fungal88}} this tropette]]. She has had the amazing capability of maintaining and practicing mathematical skills she has gained since the earliest years of her life, but she doesn't necessarily enjoy the subject, nor does she hate it. * [[{{Tropers/Betterthanstrawberry}} This troper]] was considered to be among the smarter students at the math class in middle school, and understood an equation that was supposed to be taught at the [=12th=] grade when he was a ninth grader. And yet, he hated most branches of mathematics taught at middle school with passion. If the teacher wasn't such a nice guy, he probably would've been in prison for arson. * This is [[{{Understatement}} a bit]] of a [[BerserkButton pet peeve]] for this troper. Why is Math the one subject you're "allowed" to suck at? Nobody's ever proud to suck at History or Biology. It's not a good thing to suck at English. If you fail at Geography, you'll be mocked forever, even if the alleged failure is just not knowing what is the capital of Burkina Faso. But if it's Math? That's ok. Math's hard. You're not ''supposed'' to be good at it... Seriously, people. It's just as bad as sucking at any other subject. When you proudly declare you suck at Math, well... you ''proudly declare that YOU SUCK!'' Why would you want to do that?! ** A lot of people just had bad math teachers or teachers who were

incompatible with their learning styles, whereas it's kind of hard for a teacher of something as straighforward as Geography or as interpretive as English literature. (at least beyond comprehension) Even college professors hate teaching Algebra because there's no set way to explain it. You can explain something and maybe half the students will get it, whereas the other half will either get stuck on step B to Step C or D or think you just pulled random numbers out of your ass. Whereas something like "What is the capital of Norway?" is just remembering that. yeah I notice the DoubleStandard too, but if it was a poorly designed class then people will be more sympathetic towards you. One good example was my 12th grade English test. On one test we almost all ''universally'' failed because we had to somehow know stuff like what colour the character's shirt was during this period of time, what costume a character wore to a costume party, etc. You know...''completely unimportant background details'' that have ''no'' impact on the story whatsoever. Another thing might be because on tests with Essays on them, even if you're not sure on the answer, you can often BS your way through it if you defend your thesis well enough, or at least BS your way to partial credit. Math is often allor-nothing, with occasionally partial credit given for when you get it ''mostly'' right, or if you got it right but didn't show your work properly. So long story short, a lot of the problems with math are because they didn't have math teachers that were compatible with their learning style; everyone learns at a different way and unless you're putting a kid in a private school or home-school that's ''tailored'' to their learning style then they'd have trouble. *** This troper understands not everyone can be good at Maths. You need the right kind of mind to understand some of the stuff and teaching it properly is even more difficult than understanding it. But I still don't understand why some people who suck at Maths are ''proud'' of it. ** Hallelujah! I simply refuse to accept that math is the only subject people are proud to be ''bad'' at. I mean, not in a sense that they're giving it their all and they respect its purpose in life and all, but uncategorically, unrefutably ''bad'' at it, as in they just give up on it at the first sign of struggle. Meanwhile, if you say you hate English class because you want to cry every time you're assigned an essay, since essays are unbelievably difficult for you to begin with (as was the case when I was in school), people look at you funnily and go on as per the person above me who said that "Aw, come on, you can B.S. through an essay, no biggie!" You can't really say that, can you? If you hate writing essays or having to process a work of fiction at a high school level, no one lets you be and accepts that you're terrible at English, but if you hate math to the point where you even find basic algebra (a laughably easy subject) impossible, people are lining up left and right to agree with you and share their own experiences with hating math. Meanwhile, those people who love math to the point where they'll do math to entertain themselves whenever they're bored (again, as was the case when I was in school) are forced to keep it quiet or else they'll be looked at funnily. I still have people who refuse to believe that my favorite subjects of all time were my college calculus classes, because they don't seem to realize that for

some people, calculus is like solving the most outrageously fun puzzle ever. And it doesn't even have to be about the teacher/professor! One of my cal profs was really dry and dull, but I aced his class because I was so starry-eyed about the subject. The one time when the instructor mattered was when I was learning geometry in high school and our teacher only put up one example on the board and expected us to teach ourselves the rest of the lesson. Being that this was our introduction to a brand new field of math, we all struggled mightily through it and I have to admit that I got grades as low as 76 on my tests. But when it gets to algebra (which has precedent in traditional math) or any other high school- or college-level math class where you'll have already learned the foundations of the subject in question? The instructor doesn't matter as much. * I do not really understand you guys. Mathematics are FUN. Math problems are sort of like logic or crossword puzzles to me. It's like solving the latest crossword, figuring out what you have to do... that kind of fun stuff. However, I do hate geography! It is not good at all! Now who's with me on this? ** I love math and geography, but both only really get interesting when you get past the memorization stage. * 2+2= Four, obviously [[strike: [[TwoPlusTortureMakesFive unless you add torture]]]]. $499 = Round it off to 500. 6 X 9 = [[strike: 42]] 54. Algebra = [[{{Heroic BSOD}} Blue Screen of Death]]. Geometry = I! I! EldritchAbomination! Calculus = What The Fuck??!! * This Troper is actually a math minor, but he is convinced that many grade school math teachers don't really know how to teach math. He was pretty fortunate to get decent teachers (including the rare high school statistics teacher who actually understands statistics). Still, a lot of teachers don't make math relevant for students, and in most calculus classes, formulas just appear by magic, as if they never had to be proven, but just popped out of the ether. Math doesn't work that way in real life, and the way it does work is much more exciting. This Troper is also convinced some people just need to stop whining about math and suck it up. * This troper has been told she might have dyscalculia, and she dislikes almost all math except for division (including long division) and algebra. For some reason she's good at those, but for everything else? All bets are off. At times, ''addition'' can be a daunting task. Which makes this troper feel really, really stupid. * I'm not too bad at maths, but I don't see the point in memorising half a million formulas and such that you'll never really need. Cram then forget. * This troper has some experience in it from University. He got some of the Math stuff but other things not and no matter how it was explained he just could not grasp the concept, maybe because it was just to theoretical. As to put it with the words of a teacher in Uni, which still don't make sense: -> Teacher: You could replace a with an apple, b with a tree and c with a dog in this calculation and you still would get the same result. * It seems [[Tropers/BoldAsLove this troper's]] entire school is horrible at math (except for the math teachers, probably). The average

SAT score for an over achiever looks something like this: ---> Verbal: 640 ---> Writing: 710 ---> Math: 430 ** What's even worse: I'm an Asian girl and I hate, hate, HATE math with all my guts. That usually comes as a shock to everyone. My SAT score: ---> Verbal: 800 --->Writing: 750 --->Math: pathetic 300 ** I don't know why, but I just tend to do better in right-brained subjects (English, Art, etc..) *** Because TVTropes enhances your ability in right brained subjects. Enough said. * This Troper, once he encounters Mathematics, he cannot help but be in fear of this {{eldritch abomination}}. What words, English, Chinese, the Language of R'lyeh or otherwise, can describe this terrifying, unspeakable, cosmic monstrosity whose mere gaze can [[MindRape rape the psyches and hearts of masses]], making them succumb to pandemics of [[HeroicBSOD mental paralysis and anxiety]]? It might not be really possible for a mere human to fully describe this cyclopean construct, which on first sight is [[AlienGeometries alien beyond comprehension]], to the point one could argue that it's almost fictional and nonexistent, simply a mere tool used by humanity, yet at the same time is absolutely real and exists at every point in space and time, with all that exists being subjected to its endless piping orgies of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. The laws of physics, the Great Old Ones, the Outer Gods, {{God}}, they can be counted and presented in quantitative value, whether zero, rational numbers, irrational numbers, infinity or others, and thus are bound by the power of Mathematics. The cosmos, both as we know it and beyond, is supported by its geometry. Mathematics holds the key to gates between worlds, and is the gate. Magic, science, love, history, fiction, art, philosophy, past, present, future, all are one in [[strike:Yog Sothoth]] Mathematics. All entities, living or nonliving, are free to use Mathematics' powers of addition-subtraction, as it is meant that the majority of us should never go far, and it is only the intelligent and the prepared who should have access into Mathematics' more {{eldritch location}}s, lest one who is [[TooDumbToLive too unprepared to comprehend]] should get lost and {{go mad from the revelation}}. It might be possible to defeat this stigmata through DivisionByZero, but accomplishing it and defeating Mathematics [[BrokeYourArmPunchingOutCthulhu requires the sacrifice of existence]]. Truly, [[NineteenEightyFour freedom is the ability to say Two Plus Two Equals Five]]. ** *applause* I, Prime Evil, have graduated from Chicago State University with a Bachelor's of Arts in English--Professional and Technical Writing. There is probably a good reason why I picked that as my major...I am absolutely horrible with higher-level math and find equations with words far more manageable. (I flunked out of CSU's math placement exam twice...that thing is designed for you to fail.) Having said that, I've become quite proficient at things like making change

and estimating distances over the years. I say, as long as I can multiply, divide, add, and subtract, I'm probably good to go. * [[Tropers/CaptainPlanette This troper]] is an odd case. As a Russian, I am expected to be a math genius. And for a time, I was, and I loved math. By high school, though, I hated it, but was still good enough to perform well consistently in the hardest level of math class the school had to offer. Until I started the IB. I took Math SL (because HL is considered to be beyond NintendoHard) and coasted through the class the first year with perfect grades. Then we started calculus, and my grades plummeted... It doesn't help that our math teacher does little more than put up examples from the textbook on the board and not explain them. (The textbook is just as bad, if not worse.) * This troper is top-of-his-class student in every class, and learns quickly in every class, besides math. He still gets in the 80s most of the time, but it's his worse class and he's rather slow to learn certain stuff in it. He does pretty good in it, until it comes to division or when he has to do multiplication with large numbers quickly. This has to do with the fact he didn't learn how to divide and doesn't know short multiplication, thus has to teach himself but is too [[BrilliantButLazy lazy too]]. Nevertheless, this troper wants to get a degree in literature due to the fact his writing skills are above average and he wants to write. * I don't get 8th grade pre-algebra and had to have serious help with long division in 5th grade. I'm very, very scared of high school math if it's even harder than what we're doing now. When will I, a girl who wants to be a musician but will probably end up in radio, EVER need to know how to graph the area and perimeter of a triangle to the nearest hundreth then convert it to a fraction and then simplify that fraction into a mixed number? It really doesn't help that the homeschool curriculum my mother and I use doesn't like to explain things. And the answer book sometimes has THE WRONG ANSWERS. It has legitimately messed up what five times five is. * Everyone treats my math class as an excuse to sleep or act up. It's the only class where kids are thrown out of the room on a regular basis. The kids in my class can be morons sometimes, though, and most of us are just in shock at how [[BerserkButton ANGRY]] our teacher gets. * This troper has never liked math, although she did sort of enjoy her seventh grade algebra class, the teacher was fun. However, this year, her parents ignored her wishes(repeatedly, emphatically stated wishes) and made her take AP Calculus. Talk about MindRape. She's fairly sure the only two reasons she's still passing that class are 1)the teacher lets us correct quizzes/tests to gain more points and 2)she has a friend who also takes the class who is inhumanly good at math(the bastard). Next year she's taking AP Statistics, ''without'' a friend to rely on for help. She's wondering how long it will be before she flunks out of that. ** My sister who's the most right-brained person you can know and is even ''worse'' at math than I am passed AP stat - it's not MindRape. * Math has always been [[{{Tropers/SoapMagic}} this troper's]] weakest subject, due to math not being about restating or analyzing

information. It depends on his teacher, though. He was able to ace his 8th grade algebra class, but can barely pass his current one. Then again, his current teacher doesn't actually explain things. He expects us to understand what the textbook tells us to do. For this troper, he needs a teacher to thoroughly explain the material and make him write down adequate notes in order to do well in the subject. He didn't get a 96 in Honors Biology by simply reading the textbook that was given to him. * Accounting can be annoying - the problem I have with math isn't the math itself. It works itself down to four processes. However, some of us need to have it ''spelled out'' for us before we can get it. (Why is it ''so hard'' for teachers in any math-related class to just fucking ''spell it out''?) It also doesn't help that the "Examples" we get are '''''nothing''''' like the stuff we have to actually do. Oh look, we have to learn how to calculate the accounts receivable ratio. That's just fine and dandy...except in this problem, ''there's far more than that'' and the "Example" does ''not'' help there. (How can I practice that if I can't fuck up and lose points by pressing the "Spell it out" feature? Some of us ''need'' to have it spelled out) Bottom line...even basic math like Accounting can be made a living nightmare when the teacher is a ''huge'' follower if the GuideDangIt rule - the best sense to have with math? A sixth sense - you have to be fracking psychic to figure this shit out without asking someone who trained for years. * Even though I'm pretty average in it, and kind of good with just the simple stuff. I hate it. It's just too boring and technical for this right-brained Troper. ** Nit-picking here, but that whole thing about left/right brain isn't actually true. The potential is in you no matter what! Though it can still be harder for some than others. * [[MadnessMantra I hate math I hate math]] I hate math I hate math I hate math [=IhatemathIhatemathIhatemathIhatemathIhatemathIhatemath...=] *faints* Okay, okay. I'm actually in Algebra 1A in middle school (at the time of this writing), but when I look at the numbers and signs and stuff, it makes my brain hurt. Add this, distribute that, multiply this third thing, make a long list of possible answers, put a decimal place over here...problems like "Factor 2x^2 + 5xfsyiuy + 6edfiusio" are the worst. To make matters worse, my mom is the biggest EducationMama on the planet. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! * This troper is good at math, usually likes it. Managed to test into Algebra in 7th grade, scored well enough on AP Calculus tests to skip to Calc II in college. Then came Multivariable Calculus. The first time I failed it, I thought it was just that the professor wasn't the best teacher. A semester, a different professor, and another F later, I realized that might not be it after all. In any case, I transferred to another college and switched majors. Slightly. From Computer Science, which required Multivariable and Linear Algebra, to Information Technology, which required only Precalculus, which I had taken in 10th grade. Funny how that works. ----

* Go back to [[GeniusBonus d/dx]](EverybodyHatesMathematics). ** [[MindRape OH GOD NO!!]] *** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint ... is it a constant?]] **** [[FateWorseThanDeath Each letter is a different function of x.]] ***** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Does case matter?]] ****** F'(x) = f(x), according to my math textbook... ******* At least it wasn't [[BeyondTheImpossible asking to integrate over x]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EverybodySmokes * This troper comes from a non-smoker family. No one in my closest or almost closes family smokes. Anybody who did smoke has stopped. Everybody else however, friends and acquaintances smoke. It's weird being the minority. * It is like this at my college. It's like the school admins had a sense of humor and grouped every smoker together on 2 floors. Except for 3 people, everyone on those floors smoke. ** This is actually standard practice in college housing. Putting the smokers together keeps the nonsmokers from complaining about them. * This troper regularly goes to a cafe where most of the people, when outdoors, smoke. He doesn't. * This troper went to a high school where, come lunchtime, everyone moved en masse to the next street and busted out their pack of smokes. This troper did not even smoke cigarettes and still ended up there many-a-time, just to see her friends. Of the schools population, about 2% were non-smokers. Fun times! * Every Waffle House this troper ever ate at. The "non smoking" section was usually 2-3 booths. * A friend of mine at 16 years old went out with mates he'd known for 4 years to the city. Imagine his surprise when even though they had never smoked around him, the 10 or so other people just pulled out their own packs of smokes. Jaw Drops. * At one of this troper's transfer schools almost everyone smoked and even got some of my friends hooked on them. * Not exactly everybody, but when @/HersheleOstropoler's partner moved in with him, when she was in her early 30s, it was the first time she'd ever lived in a completely non-smoking household. * This troper had it bad enough in college when becoming an English major meant running a gauntlet of hipster smokers just to get into the building before class. Now she lives in NYC and ends up behind a smoker on the street ''every damn day.'' She's slowly going mad. ** Kokomo, Indiana. The city (small city, but not quite small enough to be called a town) where it's illegal to smoke in a public building unless it's a bar. You should try it sometime. It's even got a university campus with branches of Indiana's two major colleges. * [[{{Crion87}} This troper]] currently (as of 2009/07/21) is living in a half-way house where virtually all the workers AND residents smoke. Except for this troper and one other guy, all the residents

there smoke! * Nearly everybody in this troper's family smokes. Mom smokes, dad smokes, big sister smokes, little brother smokes. Even said sister's children attempt to smoke by stealing cigarettes and putting them in their mouths (or eating the butts in the case of the 2 year old). * Most of this troper's extended family on her Dad's side smoke. In fact, her father is the only one who doesn't, and that's because he quit just before she was born. * This Troper's college is shrouded in a cloud of cigarette smoke (seriously, the only people who don't are Duel Enrolled students who are under 18, kids who started college early, and a few others). * ThisTroper's high school is starting to turn into this. Sure, they don't smoke during school, but when even the most innocent of classmates walks in late to class, smelling heavily of cigarette smoke, you know something's up. Imagine this non-smoking troper's shock when a girl he'd known for years whipped out a pack of Marlboro's and started smoking like a chimney! * While our middle college (basically, a small core of high school classes taught on the local Community College - the rest are standard college classes) is small, every time I go to lunch, there's, at least, two kids smoking (it's grown to four, for some reason), despite the campus trying to go smoke free. * The store I work in sells mostly to contractors; I'd say about 75 to 80% of the clientele are smokers. A few to the point that a mild nicotine buzz can be had just from ''walking behind them!'' North and South Carolina are the buckle of the tobacco belt... * [[{{Frog753}} This troper]] more or less has to deal with this on a daily basis at his college. It doesn't help that my current room is about 3 floors up from one of the entrances to the dorm, so smoke sometimes filters up, a problem when strategic window opening is the best way to control the room temperature. When walking around, I put the risk of looking/sounding like an idiot ahead of inhaling smoke whenever I get unavoidably near smokers: I constantly blow out air so that there's no way I can breath it in. On a hilly campus, for someone with not-so-great lungs, it makes walking around annoyingly like picking through a minefield. Also, I'll admit it took a bit of getting used to after coming from a small private high school where not too many kids smoked and none dared to try it on school grounds. It's easy to forget that we come to college as actual adults! * At all the call centers this troper has worked at, pretty much everybody smokes at least occasionally. It's a fairly high stress/mind numbing job, and smoking is an easy way to blow off some steam and calm down on breaks, so it's not that surprising. * Everyone in this troper's house. And not just tobacco. Perhaps not ironically, the secondhand from the not-tobacco doesn't hurt to breathe nearly as much as the cigarette smoke. * In 11th grade I started hanging out with a group that consisted of a girl I knew from a few years back, a guy who was on the same bus I rode (before I got a car), and 2 other girls who I'd never met before. At lunch we'd hang around my car and they'd smoke while I kept watch for teachers. I proclaimed myself the token straight guy (both because I was the only one who didn't smoke or get stoned and because the

group was 3 straight girls, a gay guy, and me, a straight guy). * Oddly, nobody in my school smoked. After all, what guy would want to [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean put a fag in his mouth]]? * TheEighties. Oh, man, do I remember TheEighties--in particular, those benighted days when people could still smoke on airplanes. Imagine being trapped on a plane, breathing in those last sweet gulps of air before *ding* the no-smoking sign went off, and then trying vainly to hold your breath for the next twelve hours. What with the air on the plane being constantly recirculated, the smoke got everywhere: your eyes would sting nonstop, and you'd get off the plane smelling like an ashtray. Trust me, younger tropers: it sucked beyond the telling of it. * [[Tropers/SabresEdge This Troper]] attends a university where the library has a "No Smoking out to 50ft" sign posted in front of it. The entrance to the library lies at the end of a straight corridor stretching about 50 ft, so quite naturally what seems like the whole smoking population of the 28,000-person university likes to congregate there. Getting into the library is an exercise in holding your breath as you pass through the [[IncrediblyLamePun choke point]]. * Most of my distant cousins on my mom's side seem to smoke especially at parties. * This troper finds it surprisingly averted in the military. Granted, there's plenty of smokers, but far from everybody. And I'm a smoker, so it's not like I mind those who do. * VisualKei and Japanese rock in general. Some artists have openly quit smoking [[YoshikiHayashi Yoshiki]] allegedly has, {{Miyavi}} has quit smoking tobacco, {{Gackt}} claims to have quit... but far, far more others still smoke, to the extent that "cigarette brand" is often a part of self-identification on profiles. [[Tropers.AGroupie]] smoked almost a pack a day while living in LosAngeles, still smokes at clubs and events, had to quit while living where zhe does, but really wants a fucking cigarette now. * This is art school in a nut shell. * Pretty much my whole family smoke. This troper is only 16 but promises to never touch a cigarette. * This was also true with my coworkers when this troper was employed at a gas station. Hell, this smoker ''started'' smoking while working there, if only to help deal with the daily stresses of the job. * This is the case in the local gaming club I frequent. The place is set up as a cafe, and it is illegal to smoke in closed places in Turkey, so you can usually find the entire attendant population save the ones actually playing Warhammer or a tabletop RPG out in front, smoking and chatting. There is plenty of comfortable seating inside, but no one uses them. Of course, I have been corrupting the few and far between non-smokers by my incredibly cool pipe-and-beard, so much that at least five people started smoking pipes due to me. * This Troper and his entire close circle of friends are committed smokers. Most of us have at times tried to give up, but nowadays we more or less just enjoy the thick clouds of smoke we're surrounded by as we discuss video games, cosplaying, comic books and music. * This Troper took it up at 7 because I thought it looked cool since my grandfather and my dad both did it as well as most of the men (the

exception being my boy cousin) and a few of the ladies did it too I had still done it because the cool or popular people at the job I work at did it too. ---Douse that butt and get back to EverybodySmokes! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EveryCarIsAPinto * This troper's roommate was rear-ended on an Interstate and pushed forward into the stopped car in front of her. Having apparently been taught by television, she frantically rolled down her window and crawled out of the car, believing it would soon explode. * This is justified in a story this troper is writing, as the main character uses high explosive incendiary bullets when he shoots cars. * Occured in a car crash this troper's mother witnessed. A motorcyclist wasn't paying attention and an SUV trying to avoid him ended up crashing into another car. Long story short, by the end of it there were seven cars in various states of destruction across the road, several of them having burst into flame. * Subverted by this troper's father's Pinto. He (The father, not this troper) was heavily into car modification and replaced the metal fuel tank (The cause of Pinto explosions) with a fuel cell tank, added a seat belt, and installed a full roll cage. It was far safer than consumer automobiles at the time. He used the Pinto for street racing. ---Go back to EveryCarIsAPinto. Here, you can borrow my Vega. <<|TroperTales|>>

EveryGirlIsCuterWithHairDecs * [[Tropers/MegTheMaggot I]] wear a lot of bows and headbands, mostly to keep my IdiotHair out of my face. Removing causes minor SlipknotPonytail, except my hair tends to [[IdiotHair stick straight out]] rather than fall forward attractively. * My little sister, who is 2, looks really cute when shes got her hair up-I put a sunflower shaped hair clip in her hair once, and it made everyone squee over her amazing cuteness. * This Troper's friend (who also happens to be a Troper; let's call her Ding Dong) was once harassed by almost everyone in her science class for the sole purpose of invoking this trope. However, the thought of wearing a pink hair bow (the hair dec) horrified Ding Dong; in the end, she averted (is that the right word?) the trope by simply waiting until everyone forgot all about it. * This tropers former science teacher thought this. She told this troper that she was cute but that she was absolutely adorable when she

had a headband on. This troper was in high school. ---Take your ribbons back to EveryGirlIsCuterWithHairDecs. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep * I know a guy who answers to Pillsbury. His real name is Joshua. I was shocked. I also know someone who answers almost exclusively to Oboe. (His real name is practically unpronounceable and bears a certain resemblence to it). * At this troper's school there are two students known as "Sleeves Kid" (Always has his sleeves and collar up) and "Mulletman" (selfexplanatory). * In my elementary school there was a P.E. teacher who everyone would call "coach". To be honest, I don't remember his real name. ** Hey! Same Here! ** That's obviously very common... * This troper had a friend in high school who answered to "Frodo" (this troper's doing). ** This troper can confirm that he still answers to "Frodo". (If we are talking about the same person.) It's pretty much interchangeable with his real name... Also, there was a red-haired kid who answered to 'Nubcakes' and 'Ginger'. Even his ''dad'' called him by said names. ** There was a kid in my middle school/high school (can't really remember which...) who answered to "Rudi", even though his real name was something different. I cannot remember how it started, but I don't recall his real name at all. ** This troper also had a Frodo in highschool. He also never knew the names of at least half of his friends/acquaintances. * A high school classmate of this troper answered to "Gump". He was given the nickname because of a matching haircut and running posture (sadly, no comparison on the running speed). * Because this troper has a very common name, and had this phase in which he always wore a coat (a year ago ago), people not in his inner circle of friends always call him 'Coat'. I don't even bother to tell them my name anymore. * In summer school one year, this troper had a kid in her class named Joshua. The teacher, who was self-admittedly bad at names, declared that he would call him "Tree" in order to help himself remember his name. This failed--while he could never remember "Joshua," Tree became surprisingly receptive to his new nickname, and that's all anyone ever called him. * This troper's friend will only respond to "Your royal highness," as he has minor head problems and plans to take over the world with a fork. I am not making this up. ** Depending on just what is meant by "head problems"... he ''could'' be obfuscating stupidity on the whole fork thing. * This troper's 3rd grade bus driver was just known as "Sir" by all the kids. If you swore, someone would be like, 'Oooh, you said a bad word! I'm gonna tell Sir!'.

* This troper's cousin had a classmate who known only as "Gerbil". Poor girl...... * Pretty much every student in this tropers school call the teachers Sir (If they're male) or Ms (If their female). Except me because i can't break that elementary school habit of calling the teachers by their last name. * A teacher this troper once had was known to the entire school as "Monomial". He teached Math and was a bit on the short side. ** Is your English teacher's nickname "Incompetent"? *** I'm sorry, that was mean. You probably typed that in the middle of the night, or have English as a second language, or just had one of those moments, and other than "teached," your sentences are both perfect. ** This troper had a substitute with a common name, who will forever be remembered as The Crybaby, ans another one called Ishmael with a weird nose known as the Jew. * In this troper's circle of friends, there are two girls with the same first name. To avoid confusion, one has become known as "Dreadlock" because of her dreadlocks, and the other as "Longhair" because her hair reaches to her thighs. * This Tropers former heterosexual life partner at school was half Dutch, half Norwegian with a name hardly anyone could pronounce, so even the teachers at school called him "Fish". So well known was the nickname that when his Grandfather visited and asked for him by his real name,the staff didn't know who he was asking for. ** My school had an exchange student from Spain. Everyone (his teachers and the principal included) called him Nacho. His real name might have been Ignacio, but I can't remember. * It's a habit in this troper's country to address teachers as, well, "teacher", or " 'cher" for short (hard ''ch'', not ''sh''). As a result, this troper has forgotten most of her teachers' actual names. ** This troper suspects that he lives in the same country as the above troper. He once overdid it and wrote a letter to his English teacher for a letter-writing exercise, addressing her as 'cher (though admittedly it was intentional), only to have the return letter addressed to 'dent. Lots of fun, that 'cher was. ** Thirded with this troper, though I do remember their real names. One who had being called 'cher a BerserkButton threatened to call who did such 'table' in return. Of course, he did already have a OneLetterName--which also applies to this trope. His real name, I recently found out, was actually... Juan. * Averted with this troper: the only people to use my nickname are my best friends, whilst everyone else uses my real name, [[EmbarrassingFirstName which I hate]]. * This troper generally goes by 'Nappy' due to his hair, to the point that people he's known for over a semester have asked "wait, what ''is'' your real name?!" * This Troper has a friend whose real name is utterly unknown; "Roman" is the best he can do. * There was a kid in this Troper's fifth grade class named Cookie. Only the teacher knew his real name, but everyone speculated that it was an EmbarrassingFirstName.

* This troper has a friend with the same first name as himself, to clear the usual confusion I and many others chose to shorten his last name (Willemstijn) to a regular dutch first name (Willem). I tend to forget his real first name these days. * [[DaNuke Da_Nuke]] will always remember the day he found out, after 2 years, that his friend "Papus" was called Jos Armando, when he finally knew his friend "Rafts" was called Francisco, as well as the day when he found out the "Old Man" from his high school, who sells us snacks and sandwiches, is called Jess Rojas. * This troper's red hair earned him the nickname "Firefly" for all of middle school. * This Troper is part of a huge group of {{otaku}}. Most of us got to know each other through the Internet, so we basically use our online aliases as names. And some of them have their roles on the group as names. For this troper it's actually easier, because her real name is hard as hell to spell and/or pronounce. Meeting someone new usually goes like this: "Hi, I'm Writeress." "Alright. Your real name?" "Laura. But don't call me that." * [[{{gadeel}} This troper]] rarely encounters a familiar face whenever he enrolls in a new course and some consider it unnecessary to learn the names of people you'll see for only three months and never again, so most people take to calling him "Smart Money" due to the fact that he is never seen without his ''Smart Money'' jacket. * One of this troper's housemates goes by the name Garlic. The origin of this is a mystery. * One of this friend's is known as Tim Santiago. His name? Josh. He doesn't answer to Josh anymore. No one knows why Tim stuck. * [[{{fidheallir}} this troper]] was known by a large number of people as "fiddle girl" due to various live performances and a radio appearance. She still encounters people at her college who do not know her real name, yet talk to her and address her as "fiddle girl". The name stuck so well that she now uses the Gaelic word as her internet handle. * This troper knew a girl from camp who went by Gypsy. The teachers didn't even remember her real name. Her best friend from school, also in the same camp, did not remember her real name. * A girl in this troper's high school was called Mia by everyone. Her real name was Danielle. Unlike most of the examples here she ''did'' have an explanation, but I've forgotten it. * My nickname is "Livvy", for Olivia. When it came time for my more recently added friends to write out graduation announcements, everyone was surprised to find out that it was actually a nickname. Apparently I never realized that I never used my whole name in front of them. I have known these friends for probably a year or more. * We had a P.E teacher who was incredibly nice and a little weird a friend of mine nicknamed him "The Nutter" (he didn't mean it to be insulting though, in fact it was a compliment) because we never learnt his name. * This troper was called "Chief" throughout most of high school. * Where this troper went to college, one unfortunate fellow got the name "Squeak" due to his resemblance to the BASEketball character. Insult to injury (and a great PsycheOut) came when one of this

troper's friends had a girlfriend who cheated on him...with SQUEAK! * This troper always refers to his Panamanian grandmother as "Lita". (Her real name's Finlandia.) * This Brazilian troper was, almost always referred to as "Buchechudo" (which is the same as calling an obese person "fatman", only it referred to large cheeks). Variants were soon to follow, and I remember the most amusing one being "Capito Buchecha" (Captain Cheeks). For some reason, it always reminded me of Mexican Lucha Libre. Huh, odd. * My sister narrowly escaped being nicknamed [[X-Men Rogue]] in high school. I myself had a close call with... get this... [[spoiler:Robocock]] ** You won't get away with not explaining that one. * At a special needs center this troper's mom once worked at, the art instructor who'd come in once a week was known only as The Art Guy. He preferred it that way - if anyone asked his real name, he'd claim it was Arthur Guy. * This troper has a friend who everyone calls Duff. I mean everyone, even his children (which annoys his wife who thinks they should call him 'Daddy') * Due to having an overload of girls with my name in High school, I eventually learned to respond to Mom, Esty (Short for [[GreatExpectations Estella,]] which I earned after saying that I had no sense of humor), and, among my nerdiest friends, [[OrderOfTheStick V.]] * Because I was tiny until my junior year in high school, one of the gym teachers knew me only as "Pee-Wee." Ther was an Egyptian exchange student who went by "Fence." Never learned his real name. * This Troper's manager is just called "The Kid" because he's the youngest manager there. The owner of the place responds to his last name, as his first name is fairly common. This troper is only known by his initials, to the point where when he added some of his friends from work to his facebook page, they had to get a good look at his picture to figure out who he was. * This Troper has a classmate who is unknowingly referred to as ''Mr. Fluff Fluff'' because he tends to ask obscure questions and speak in a rambling, mumbling way that makes it almost impossible to understand what he's saying. Everything he says sound like: "flufffluffflufffluff..." We do, however, know his real name. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper's]] 2nd grade Sunday school teacher was known by our entire class as "The Cookie Man"; because he always brought class breakfast in the form of cookies (Sometimes donuts) and orange juice, and none of us could pronounce his last name correctly. * [[{{Chabal 2}} This troper]] happens to share a first name and general appearance with [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chabal this guy]], and so was referred to by this nickname, which I have also taken as my troper ID. We also had an English teacher from Madagascar with an unpronounceable name, who was always referred to as sir, the English teacher, or a halfhearted mangling of his name before giving up: "Hey, it's Mr. Ramanatso... Ramanastosti... The English teacher." * [[PurplePantherGirl This troper]] is called Harriet. Everyone calls her either Ha or Spook.

* This Troper rejoices to the Military nickname of Boarhunter, owing to a hunting tattoo, and the oddity of bowhunting in the UK. This Troper is only called by his real name when offical documentation is used, other than that, everyone uses the nickname, including people who have no idea it's a nickname, including the Officer's, even the Colonel, When the Brigader arrived on a visit, this troper was introduced as 'Ocdt Boarhunter'. Very few people in the unit actually know or remember his real name. * This troper knows a guy named Alex who is known to everyone in his circle of friends as "Keith". Upon meeting him, one of his friends told him that he looked more like a Keith than an Alex, and the name stuck. My boyfriend and I have known him for two years and just recently found out his real name. * This troper has a friend known simply as "Hobo." (Apparently, it's a long story, and he doesn't seem to mind the name.) It took two years for her to learn that his name is actually "Alex." She still doesn't know his last name, and still refers to him as Hobo. * To this day, the janitor (named Jason) and the security guard (named Edwin) from [[{{MiraShio}} my]] school are simply called Mr. Janitor and Mr. Guard. * This troper had a friend who was called "Spiffy." New people were confused to be introduced to an adjective. * While this troper has a real name, and is frequently addressed by it, he is also an avid D&D player, who has two characters who, while they have names, have really come to be known among the group by their titles, Exile, whose real name is Iago, and The Captain, whose actual name is Lord Captain Roias Silverstar. It became easier for the other players to just remember their titles, and to be honest, without looking at their character sheets, I don't think any of the other players could remember their real names. * This troper responds to: Annoying, Markio, Marco (but only with "Polo"), MarkRobot, StongRadd, Strong Radd, Melink 03, Melink Model 03, [[OverlyLongGag you know where Im going]]... * The [[BunnyEarsLawyer Bunny Ears Principal]] where this Troper attended high school insisted on being called "[[TheBigLebowski The Dude]]". Yep. * In high school, there was a [[{{Understatement}} slightly]] [[CloudCuckooLander strange]] guy, who was really small and for some reason didn't like keeping his things (or even his books) in his locker, and therefore walked around with a huge backback. We called him "Tiny-Guy-Huge-Backpack" and very few people knew what his real name was. * In High school, my best friend and I did this all the time, mostly because we did not know the people in question personally but their ubiquitous eccentricities were constant topics of conversation: ** [[BeautyAndTheBeast Gaston]] the security guard ** [[CloudCuckooLander Pointless Guy,]] who was everywhere at once but seemed to have no classes and did nothing during his free periods. He was a double-super-senior. [[BeyondTheImpossible Wow.]] ** Lunchbox Kid. He was a typical goth/emo guy, face filled with metal and everything else was black and red. Yet he seemed to have a '50s tin lunchbox with random cartoons for each day of the week

** And a personal example. Our computer teacher/guy that would punish us for having [[PlayfulHacker fun]] called us [[JayAndSilentBobStrikeBack Jay and Silent Bob]] respectively. Our appearance and personalities fit perfectly. ** This troper has a friend who everyone refers to as 'Motown'- to the point that, while writing this, I cannot remember her real name. Alexa, maybe? Alexandria? I don't know. ** This troper and her friends answer to our forum handles on this one forum we all frequent. 'Alice' is actually Charlotte, 'Chessie' actually Lily, 'Break' actually Max and 'Lethal' actually Jeremy. It's gotten to the point that we'll make comments on something in a larger group of friends, this will happen: "Break's dating [X] now!" "I called it!" "Hmm." "Uh, Break? Huh?" * The main tech guy that we come down to see whenever we have a problem with our government-funded Mac Books is known as just thatthe Tech Guy. [[HeyYou And "You".]] * This tropette (currently a sophomore in high school) is frequently called Smiley by her friends. She's still convinced that some of them don't know her real name... * At the high-school this troper went to many teachers had nicknames that pretty much everyone knew, there were times when you couldn't even remember their actual names. * This Troper is known to some circles as "Viking", and is quite pleased with the appellation. the addition of BraidsOfBarbarism only exacerbated the issue. * As incoming freshmen at university, several of this troper's (new) friends took advantage of everyone not knowing each other. One friend disliked her real name, especially nicknames for it. She insisted one day on being called "Alaska". Everyone reluctantly took up the nickname, and it's gotten to the point after four months that we often forget her real name. Also, many seem to think she is from Alaska. She is not. ** Another friend introduced himself each time to other people with different names. Not all of these names are logical, as one girl was somewhat confused that his name was not really "Steak", since there are a lot of weird real-life names out there. At least for a while, she still called him Steak. * This troper's history teacher is known exclusively as 'Doc.' His real name isn't listed on official school documents, because most of the other teachers and administrators don't know it. To be fair, he's been teaching at my school since before most of them were born. She also knows a girl who goes exclusively by Brooke. Her real name is Christina. * In a {{Bleach}} roleplay I was once running, we had an OC who was the 3rd Seat of the 10th division. Everyone called him 'The Third Seat' and his real name was never stated. When he got promoted to Captain Commander of the Gotei 13, he became known as 'Head Captain Third Seat.' * This troper was the only French Horn player in his high school band, and as a result was often called Frenchy by bandmates (at least they didn't go with Horny). When someone came from the office to deliver a message to me during class, even the band director had to look up my

real name in the school directory (since he'd replaced my real name with Frenchy on the roll sheet...) * At school, everyone seems to know me as "The Strange Girl Who Sits in the Back Row" * My schools so far have all had a very high minority population, while I am not one. As a result, I have come to answer to "White Girl" just as easily as my real name. (My little brother says that he also finds himself answering to "White Boy" quite often. He, unlike me, was once called a racist on the sole basis of being white, and I have no doubt in my mind that this was entirely unwarranted, because he does not have a mean bone in his body.) * I apparently respond to "Hey, you", in a variation of this trope. Result of aloof older sibling. * This [[{{ARabbitFilledNightmare}} troper]] has been known to respond to the name Macro. * [[Tropers/OriginalHobbit This troper]] has been called "Hobbit" by most of her friends since middle school (which is why I call myself original hobbit). She also knew a boy in high school nicknamed "ketchup", and didn't know his real name for at least a semester. ---Hey Barkeep, I wanna ask you... what's your real name? 'Cause, you know, [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep Everyone Calls You Barkeep]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EveryoneCanSeeIt * Subversion: Everyone seems to see something with this troper and a girl I met during a band event. But we [[CassandraTruth really ARE]] JustFriends -- I'm busy crushing on someone from my own school while she's had 2-3 relationships of her own since we met. But I suppose these things are subject to change--when I informed her of the former, she said something like "she's missing a great guy in front of her". Whether this is a stealth compliment or an indication that she's okay with / not bothered by it is probably the RealLife equivalent of DependingOnTheWriter. * [[Tropers/IsaChan This troper]] and her now-ex-boyfriend were subjected to the "everyone sees it, including one half of the couple" variety of this before we started dating. Apparently we didn't act that different from before--people still asked us if we were dating. * [[{{Reapersama}} This Troper]] continues being asked when she will go out with her friend, of whom she's apparently good with. Neither of us think that, just everyone else. * Holy crap, yes. There was this one girl I know whom I thoroughly despised, and the feeling was mutual. She and I genuinely hated each other, or so we thought. [[EveryoneCanSeeIt Everybody else we knew thought differently,]] [[SheIsNotMyGirlfriend much to our chagrin.]] Eventually, our antagonism cooled, we started talking to each other civilly, and eventually became very good friends. Turns out, she and I had liked each other for a very long time, [[BelligerentSexualTension even while we hated each other]], and we had never told the other

person. We dated and broke up eventually, but according to all of her friends, [[AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther we still have our moments.]] * This troper and her lifelong best friend grew up spending most of our free time together, but only dating other people. We often introduced each other as brother and sister. When we walked around at our ten-year high school reunion, no one even seemed to REMEMBER that we'd been 'brother/sister' best friends in school, in fact, the first words out of almost everyone were 'Aww, you guys are still together!' Turns out that yes, [[EveryoneCanSeeIt everybody but us DID see it]], and that reunion was eight years, a wedding, and three children ago. * This trooper had quite a nasty shock when she discovered that her sports team had been shipping her and a male teammate for several seasons. She doesn't dislike the boy in question, but a)she doesn't like him like ''that,'' b)she's something like a Kinsey 4.5 (bi, but pretty damn gay) and, most of all, c)she's been madly crushing on a ''female'' teammate all the time she's been oblivious to his advances. (Would this be "discussed," or something?) * This troper encountered an instance during a get-together when two online friends met in person for the first time. [[TheGlomp Flying tackleglomp]] upon first sight? Not romantic. Cuddling while sharing a bus seat? Totally not romantic. Lying with her head in his lap, running his hand through her hair? No romance going on here! * Subversion: Exactly two people were unaware that my father and a coworker were having an affair: my father, and the co-worker. * Subversion: This Troper has been [[ShipperOnDeck shipped]] with various boys in her class up through the years. The thing they have in common is being annoying, immature douches in one way or other, and this behavior in others often make me purposefully avoid them and get away from them. Apparently, me avoiding people [[{{Tsundere}} and yelling at them at times when they are especially bad]] [[BelligerentSexualTension means I]] like them. [[FlatWhat What.]]

EveryoneIsJesusInPurgatory * [[{{EPIC}} This Troper]] has two novels he is making, one dealing with ideals and reality, another dealing with a [[ThisTroper Troper]] [[ComingOfAgeStory becoming a seventh and eigth grader.]] ** The first novel, {{KIKEN}}, could be considered an allegory to the SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism, with one group representing Idealism, another representing Cynicism, and two more groups representing those stuck in the middle--one of which are composed of [[KnightInSourArmor Knights In Sour Armor]]. ** The other novel, EPICOretachi however, averts this. Its just composed of TroperTales entries, to say the least. * [[{{Jonn}} This troper]] once drew [[http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/36224073/ a random picture]] and then [[http://u63r.deviantart.com/art/DO-NOT-LOOK-AT-THIS-WORK36229997 wrung every bit of moral-guardian style hang-wringing out of it he possibly could]]. The entire thing was intended to be a TakeThat against some [[MoralGuardians idiot]] who has since been banned from dA. For perspective, he's a fairly devout Christian and ''still''

found their arguments against nude photography silly. He's currently working on a similar essay-for fun this time, about SpongebobSquarepants. ** Link us when you finish it? *** [[http://u63r.deviantart.com/art/SpongeBob-as-Metaphor-127846019 Done]]. * This troper once wrote an essay about the evolution of culture and religion, and cited (under different but technically correct names eg, Marilyn Manson became Brian Warner) quotes from utterly innapropriate sources (such as songs, comic books, and his uncle) and got an A. I also claimed in an essay that ''A Streetcar Named Desire'' was an allegory for the rise of big business (and again, got an damn good mark). ** MAD Magazine released an article in 1996 that analyzed a normal essay with citations from video games and TV shows of the day. One citation I remember is "...win her over" being footnoted and cited under [[DukeNukem Duke Nukem 3D]] and other citations came from {{Beavis and Butthead}} and {{Jerry Springer}}. * Subverted by one of this troper's English professors, who saw it fit to remind us that "not everyone is Jesus" after some students had been jokingly(?) attributing the symbolic roles of Adam, Eve, Jesus, Mary, and other archetypal figures to characters almost at random. ** Played with in a more recent class of this troper's, in which she and a few classmates figured out that [[http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/wcw-red-wheel.html this sixteen-word minimalist poem]] is an allegory for Christian salvation through baptism and the Protestant work ethic(the white chickens, by the way, are the Holy Spirit). * ThisTroper is taking a University Creative Writing class, in which students are supposed to analyze and critique each others work as a group, without any input from the original writer. Almost every week, it turns out that all the deep subtext people are reading into stories was completely unintentional. The best one was a fallen tree supposedly representing the state of a couple's relationship (it was just a pretty scene setting). * [[TromboneChild This troper]] sees subtext in everything, which is why she's an English major. She has a theory that ''LordOfTheRings'' is a combination Christian/World War II allegory and has assigned most of the characters specific roles (even though Tolkien {{Jossed}} it), theorized that the ''{{Supernatural}}'' [=DVDs=] are so popular with U. S. troops overseas because they see Sam and Dean Winchester as two guys just like them who were roped into fighting a war against monsters (which represent the insurgents in their minds), and another theory that Lemony Snicket's ''ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents'' book series was really a commentary on the foster care system. And once, when she was sporking a really bad ''{{Supernatural}}'' FanFic on [=LiveJournal=], she wrote this sentence: "Everyone is [[Series/DoctorWho Captain Jack Harkness]] in Hell." * I have claimed that Hester Prynne was Jesus, jokingly, and gotten away with it. (It may have helped that I bullshitted evidence to back it up.) * [[JethroQWalrustitty This Troper]] was jokingly contemplating on

doing a cultural studies essay on the feminist/queer theory reading (viewing?) of ''OuranHighschoolHostClub''. ** Similarly, when this troper gets to college, she wants to write some kind of essay on the psychological state of Akito Sohma from ''FruitsBasket'' ** Also, thinking further, This Troper also remembers one student doing their doctorate thesis on "Management By Sauron: Leadership in ''TheLordOfTheRings''" *** That's awesome. Did it work? * [[{{Ronnie}} This troper]] got full marks on an essay question on the endurance of ASeparatePeace by making an analysis of it as a metaphor for Christianity, with Finny of all people as Jesus, and Gene as the dual roles of Judas and sinners. ** That's fairly obvious. I mean, Geez, Finny's the ONLY one who could be Jesus and Gene betrayed him. I almost tried to write a sumary of that essay off the fly because of how much it makes sense. * The way this troper sees this page, all of the people comparing the works are sinners because they are infringing on the line "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." (Matthew 7:1) and are infringing on the will of god, while the ones who do the opposite are examples of Jesus because they are following the will of god. ** Note the repeated use of "this troper" rather than "I", which symbolizes the dehumanizing influence of modern technology and the rise of a paradigm where people are merely numbers rather than living beings. * This troper once commented to his Literature teacher in High School about how he felt Don Quixote is Literature's first geek/fanboy/cosplayer main character; the teacher was not amused. ** This Troper has been converted to the above viewpoint after reading it. It seriously makes perfect sense to me. * This troper is tempted to, if she were to ever get an appropriate prompt, write an essay detailing just how the characters of [[MetalGear Metal Gear Solid]] are parallel to certain Biblical characters. She is, however, having trouble decided whether Big Boss would be God or Jesus. ** Why not both? The Holy Trinity and all that. * HarryPotter is Jesus. ** Which would make Hermione Mary Magdalene, and He-Whose-Name-MustNot-Be-Said-Or-Whatever Satan! IT MAKES SENSE. ** There are people who don't read Harry Potter that way? "The last enemy to be conquered is death." Harry, after a crisis of faith in the Garden of Geths...er...Bagshot's house, puts aside his doubts and puts all his faith in Dumbledore and his plan, laying down his life in the process. Harry's unswerving loyalty and faith in the plan allows him to come back, while his sacrifice prevents Voldemort from claiming any more souls. "O Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? But thanks be to Dumbledore who giveth us the victory through our Lord Harry Potter." In the illustrations, you even get both an Ecce Homo and a Pieta (when Hagrid is carrying Harry's dead body: compare to any Pieta ever done, it's the same pose). * Several times, from completely different sources, I have heard stories of English teachers demanding essays on the deep symbolism in

Huckleberry Finn, and slapping an F on anyone who refused. The author has stated, in so many words, that there is none. I also had an English teacher who spent several classes on an analysis of Stairway To Heaven. She was 'very' unamused by my alternative interpretation at the end: "...or maybe it was 1971, they were known for being into heavy psychedelics, the entire thing was written in a single day at a famous den of iniquity for starving musicians, and it sounds really cool to someone under those influences?" ** One wonders if these teachers ever actually bothered to read the book in question, or did they just skip over the author note on the first page, in which Twain explicitly denies that the book posses a hidden meaning, and threatens legal action against anyone who claims otherwise. *** It's Mark Twain. He was joking. (Even if you reject the deepest/craziest readings, it's still obviously a satire, which by definition has a message about society.) ** A well deserved F indeed. ** There's a difference between satire and symbolism. In Huck Finn, the large numbers of racist white people in the South represent...the large numbers of racist white people in the South. Jim, a black slave, represents...black slaves. The book's meaning isn't "hidden". It's ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin. Well, it's exactly what it looks like when you read it, so you have to open the tin, but... * In her essay about ToKillAMockingbird this troper wrote that the scene with Atticus shooting the dog is essentially a representation of how easy it is to kill something that you consider to be abnormal and non-human, pretty much as black people were regarded in the 1930s when this book was set. In reality, her opinion was that the scene was a nice piece of character development but nothing symbolic. ** You said that about [[PerryMason ATTICUS FINCH?]] ** You don't dis Atticus Finch. Especially since he's, like, Jesus. *** in Purgatory. * This troper has, honest to God, seen an interpretation of the Water 7 arc of ''OnePiece'' where someone compared [[CrazyAwesome Franky]] to Jesus. It actually made sense to her. * This troper once made and defended the claim that Jack And The Beanstalk is about drugs. The main character sacrifices his family's most prized possession and the approval of his mother for the "magic beans", and then gets quite ''high'' on the beanstalk. The giant trying to kill him is a bad trip, yet Jack only finds what makes him truly happy (the harp or the goose or whatever he steals from the giant in the version you know) after he takes drugs. It makes total sense. ** Even better, the Giant represents death/incarceration and the treasure represents sobriety. After narrowly avoiding the giant(death) he takes his 'treasure', comes down from the high, saves himself from the giant, and lives happily ever after back on earth * This troper's English teacher told her class flat out that Moby Dick was the search for universal truth, and the boat was Earth, and the sea was the Universe. This seemed a little stupid to this troper and her friend, and they started a game called "the whale is" where they list all the things the whale could be. Her personal favorites?

Communism, English teachers who make you read Moby Dick, and, in a surprise twist, a ''black'' whale. * This troper is writing a SilentHill fanfic in which Alessa Gillespie actually ''is'' TheMessiah. [[EveryoneIsJesusInPurgatory And if some people interpret the town itself as Purgatory . . .]] * Pick a story, any story, and give [[DesertDragon this editor's]] exboyfriend (an English teacher working on his Doctorate) a month to read, analyze, re-analyze, deconstruct, ReverseThePolarity, and reconstruct Every. Single. Word...and then read it again, and he will write a convincing 20-page article on how the main character is a latent homosexual. ** I'd write that I'm probably your boyfriend by that but I've never had a girlfriend. Not that I'm gay. NotThatTheresAnythingWrongWithThat. And I'm 17. But I managed to make every single story about the main character slowly realizing his homosexuality (my favorite- TheCatcherInTheRye, horrible book, SO MUCH SUBTEXT), and all of the analyzed poems are about people losing faith in god and suicide. Although most poems are about losing faith in god/depression, so it isn't hard. Poets are whiny bitches. * This troper ''did not'' bother reading ''LordOfTheFlies'' for school, which meant that, for her English class, she had to make up stuff for sheets on the allegory. Somehow, despite not having read far enough to get to the Simon parts in the book, she managed to guess right that he (and the Navy guy at the end) represented Jesus...through ''sheer bullshitting''. She also is [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife horribly ashamed to admit that]] she actually said on one of the sheets that Simon was "JESUS IN PURGATORY." * [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Gendo Ikari]] is Satan. Literally. His entire plot arc revolves around rebelling against God (and the divine messengers, the Angels). Gendo seeks to bring about [[Instrumentality the end of humanity]] by creating his own Gods, the Evas (living beings created from Adam's...not really rib, but you know...Eva, Eve). Gendo and Satan both...um...have beards. And they both come to bad ends. * This Troper has serious issues with this trope. No matter what he is watching, reading, or playing, he ALWAYS finds some sort of religious or political cogitation. No. Matter. What. He fervently believes that [[{{Bolt}} Bolt]] is about a disillusioned conservative Christian accepting atheism, and ''TheMarvelousMisadventuresOfFlapjack'' is about the dangers of mindless self-indulgence. Also, [[KingoftheHill Hank Hill is Jesus in Hell]] ** Maybe so, but it sure is a clean-burning Hell, I tell you what. * This troper loves to find (read: occasionally see, and occasionally bullshit) examples of triple-goddess imagery in fiction, as well as the Holy Trinity. She almost got to make an essay out of her argument that [[Literature/CrimeAndPunishment Raskolnikov]] is the untested, sexless warrior-Maiden, Svidrigailov is a perversion of the archetype of Mother, and Porfiry is the world-weary but wiser Crone. Or alternately, Porfiry is the Father, Svidrigailov is the Son, and Raskolnikov is the Holy Spirit. Or Dunia is the Father, Razumikhin is the Son, and [[HookerWithAHeartOfGold Sonia]] is the Holy Spirit. Or

Raskolnikov is Mind, Svidrigailov is Body, and Porfiry is Spirit. But it was deemed too abstract. Alas. * For an essay, this troper had to write a commentary on a poem called "Wild Bees". It ended up with comparing the destruction of the hive to the destruction of Israel, the city of Ai from the book of Exodus, Atlantis, Carthage and Troy. This troper just needs to wait for the grade. * After hearing "You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell, this troper automatically interpreted it as Lucifer chiding an overly ambitious 'recruit'. He then learned that it was actually a James Bond theme song... * I managed, in a literature test, to get every single story and poem to mean that God didn't exist. I extrapolated from any information anywhere in the text, and got a B. My teacher wrote "You obviously hate this class." * I was once assigned ''Watership Down'' as an essay subject in high school; I wrote the damn essay, all about how it symbolized Fascism and Democracy and all that, but got pretty pissed when I found out that the author himself denied any allegorical meaning to it. It's just a fucking story about some fucking rabbits. Literary Criticism is 90% bullshit. * This was astonishingly inverted in my high school English class when we read Shelley's "Ozymandius." Everyone managed to get the whole "There used to be an awesome king-guy that everyone was afraid of" bit down okay. I was the only one--teacher included--to get the "Even your empire will crumble to dust" part. Honestly, the ''one time'' when there actually was something legitimately in the text... * This troper's English teacher was once telling us about her old boyfriends and current husband, and how she'd wanted to be a nun before she met the first one. A night hadn't passed before we decided her first boyfriend was the snake, seducing her away from God, and her subsequent boyfriends were false idols. Her husband was Jesus. * This troper and all his classmates read the short story ''Detroit New York'' by Dorothy Parker, about a girl calling her boyfriend and wanting him to come back to her. We were then to analyze it. Remembering this trope, this troper stated that the girl was humanity and the guy was Jesus. The result? Spontaneous applause from the class and praise from the teacher. * This Troper's English teacher assigned the class to prove that Gregor Samsa from Kafka's ''Metamorphosis'' was not, in fact, a bug. The class was supposed to prove that he was actually insane. This Troper, however, remembered this trope, and argued that he was actually Jesus. * This troper has a girl in her Core class that thinks that every single Beatles song is about drugs. (How do you explain 'When I'm 64' or 'Let It Be', then?) * Poetry class. Analyzing and interpreting other people's poems. The teacher tells the students not to explain their poem; it destroys the analysis. This troper led the way on exploring one poem's metaphoric sexual imagery. It was obvious. It was all about sex. The whole class agreed. ...except the author, strangely. In fact, when they began exploring the metaphors in this troper's poems... well, everyone was

Jesus. In Purgatory. * This troper and his sister once spent an hour going through a RichardScarry storybook and analyzing every page for some deep, allegorical meaning. What we got out of it was Scarry's idea of a new, socialist world order and how society must work to achieve this end. It was fucking hilarious. * This troper is convinced that this trope (and WhatDoYouMeanItsNotSymbolic) have warped her. In a recent story she was writing, she was suddenly tempted to go back and examine the symbolism of ''feet''. And from there extrapolate that her piece demonstrated the meaninglessness of human existence in the face of societal institutions and the forces of nature alike. ''She was writing TeamFortress2 fanfic.'' * Beta Maxis here. I once had to write a paper comparing a tv show to medieval romanticism. He picked XiaolinShowdown, that's right, a show based on the far and ancient east. 'Cause it made sense. [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight The teacher gave me an A so she agreed.]] * I'm not sure what to classify this as, but in our literature class, we were analyzing Hawthorne's "The Birthmark." The instructor mentioned that there was an alternate explanation that people had in which Georgiana represents Jesus. He asked if anyone could see it. Silence. "Yeah...I don't buy it either." * [[{{MrSchade}} This Troper]] was forced to do a final essay, the topic was a literary analysis of any book. I despised both the class and the teacher. I made sure that she meant any book, then wrote about how The Cat In the Hat was really all about Freudian Psychology and several characters were directly representative of the id, ego, and super ego. The teacher begrudgingly gave me an A and said it was easily one of the most well thought out essays she had ever read. I consider it my own {{Crowning Moment Of Awesome}}. * My Friends and I did this for laughs while playing Super Monkey Ball 2. To wit: ** The game is set in Purgatory; the characters are the leaders of the Soviet Union: *** Aiai is Lenin. *** Gongon is Stalin. *** Mimi is Kruschev. *** Baby is Gorbachov. *** Dr. Badboon is an angel responsible for giving them their penance. * The first entry on the [[{{WMG/DeathOfASalesman}} WMG page for Death of a Salesman]]? I wrote that. And then converted it to essay form and turned it in. The teacher loved it and asked me to read it in front of the class. * [[ReikoAfterglow This Troper]] once saw someone wonderful rebuttal to the notion that Tolkien's ''TheLordOfTheRings'' is World War II allegory by applying allegory to First Age Beleriand in ''TheSilmarillion'': Angband is Germany, ruled by Morgoth. Italy is the Isle of Werewolves, ruled by Sauron. Staunchly neutral Doriath, fenced in and surrounded by the Girdle of Melian, is Switzerland. After the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Morgoth controlled almost all off Beleriand save Cirdan's Isle of Balar, so they're England in 1943. In the final hour, America, out of the western hemisphere, comes to push

out the Germans. So, America is the Blessed Realm of Valinor! Obviously, this is simply a lesson in that one is capable of drawing false allegory however they would like. * ThisTroper's English teacher did that. Literally. TheLionKing? Jesus. HarryPotter? Jesus. OneFlewOverTheCuckoosNest? JESUS! * [[{{Gorank}} This Troper]], while watching GurrenLagann, began to wonder "Is the Anti-Spiral {{God}}?" There was the whole probabilitymanipulation thing, and the warships looked like some sort of religious figurines. This theory has the side effect of making the show ''[[BeyondTheImpossible even more awesome]]'' than it already was. * Oh God, [[AndWeMustScream This Troper]] takes the EveryoneIsJesusInPurgatory trope, turns it UpToEleven, flings it out of the window, and [[KillItWithFire then set on fire]]. Twice. [[{{Warhammer 40000}} With chainsaws]]. This Troper just likes placing symbolic imagery, ranging from religious to Freudian, and he has an emphasis on religious ones. People who died in the series? Jesus. Self-sacrificing characters? Jesus. Self-sacrificing Moe characters? Jesus. Self-sacrificing Moe characters who [[ContemplateOurNavels contemplated their navels]] and died in a HeroicSacrifice? Jesus. Anime and Manga? Jesus. Film? Jesus. Literature? Jesus. All protagonists? Jesus. Heck: Even TV Tropes Wiki? Jesus. Trope-Tan, who is the MoeAnthropomorphism of both Jesus and a Time Lord, provides an ingenious, idiomatic and fun outlet for people who have been slaves to both Wikipedian coldness and renegade trolls yet was crucified by the Great Server Crash coupled with [[ViewersAreMorons viewers being morons]]. [[TooMuchInformation Don't get me started on]] [[FreudWasRight Freud]]: Cigars? Penis. Towers? Penis. Bottles? Penis. Columns? Penis. Bananas? Penis. Knives? Penis. Pens? [[IncrediblyLamePun Penis]]. Basically, everyone is Jesus in a land of penises........ * This Troper saw a series of religious and evangelical reviews on the [[DragonBall Dragon Ball]] franchise on how Goku is Jesus, and that faith in him makes everyone stronger (like with his Spirit Bomb). In retaliation, I wrote up a quick essay on how [[DragonBallGT Dragon Ball GT]]'s entire Baby Saga was pro-abortion. ** What is this GT you speak of? There is no Baby Saga in Dragon Ball or Dragon Ball Z. Regardless, I'm not sure why you needed to retaliate. Claiming Goku IS Jesus takes things a little far, but he certainly fits the messianic archetype to the t. Goku also parallels Superman in many ways, and that's another character who gets compared to Jesus. * This Troper avoids this as much as possible. He will never assume anything is anything unless it is stated outright that it is that object. That big sword he's carrying? Unless the artist, author, director, developer, etc. explicitly states that it's CompensatingForSomething or something, than it's JUST A SWORD to him. * [[@/{{Gerusz}} This troper]] once made a bet with a classmate that the literature teacher will somehow find an analogy for life and death in a children's lullaby. ''He won.'' * Don't know if this goes here, but my friend once told me he saw a Youtube video of a band being interviewed, and one of the band members

talks about one of their songs, what it's about, its message, etc. Cue most of the comments on the video saying "What an idiot. ''This'' is what that song is ''really'' about!" * This (German) troper usually liked literature classes in highschool, because we used to discuss a lot of theater works and dramas, so there's a realistic chance that the author was trying to express something other than the obvious. But I ''hated'' discussing poems. There was an 8 line poem about a harbor with some boats and the movement of their sails. I spent 20 minutes arguing with my teacher that, no, this poem was not about two lovers and their emotional backand-forth, but just about some boats and their freaking sails. * Apparently, JenniferConnelly is [[http://rundonotwalk.blogspot.com/2008/12/opening-starg8-viajennifer-connelly.html Jesus]] in [[http://rundonotwalk.blogspot.com/2008/12/opening-starg8-viajennifer-connelly_10.html Purgatory]] according to film sync nutjobs. * This Troper's English teacher loves this trope, and will do it to anything. One time she made up so much nonsense and contradicted herself so many times it actually made me ''dislike the story.'' * This troper once made a dream-sequence video for her film class, and invoked/lampshaded this trope with her friends, in the vain hope that someone would try to find the meaning in things: ** In the opening sequence, there is a chessboard with a glass skull, SYMBOLIZING THE INEVITABILITY OF DEATH IN BATTLE! ** In the dream, friend is wearing a black shirt, and is crushed by a clear chess piece SYMBOLIZING THAT SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE PULLED INTO BAD SITUATIONS THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, AND [[DarkIsNotEvil DARKNESS IS NOT ALWAYS EVIL!!!!!]] ** I think there were a few more like that, but I can't remember them. * Hyperlinks are stigmata. My mind is blown. ** You can also note that the yellow background of this page symbolizes impurity by way of human excrement...liquid excrement, that which passes and spreads to cover all. ** Also, the recent epidemic of TroperTales pages having all instances of "ThisTroper" replaced with "I" in the most half-assed hatchet job possible is in fact a political statement against pointless censorship of the media by MoralGuardians. * This troper was teacher that she had took a younger class to meet the author of ''{{Skellig}}'' (David Almond) a book they were studying. They told him how they liked how he used great imagery and the subtext etc. And he replied "I didn't I just wrote a book." * This troper, to make fun of his English teacher's pretentiousness, once wrote a completely meaningless story will with eight-syllable words, and then accompanied it with an essay analyzing its meaning, written completely after I finished the story. I got an A+. * So during one of my tabletop games I had a monster dig up and attack a town from underground. One of the players thought of the commonly used Underground-hell links to say that this monster was a demon, thus representing peoples inner demons, which needed to be driven away, much like the monster, making him, and some others, believe the only way to beat it is to repent their sins and seek forgiveness. Yeeaah, about 20 minutes later I had to tell them that the answer was a mob

stabbing. One of them thought the mob stabbing I recommended was about the rights of the people (the players) over the tyrants (being the monster) it was another 10 minutes until they actually got around to killing the monster. * This troper has thought of Die Hard as an analogy for religion, the terrorist are the devil, the FBI are god, the cop is jesus, John McClain/hostages are humanity, and the reporters are the church. * This troper took two courses in Shakespeare (a play a week) in college. ''Othello'' was the play one week, and the week's quiz asked what was Iago's motivation. I'd read the play, and spent most of the test period racking my brain to come up with a) a motivation and b) textual support for it. Finally, I gave up and wrote one paragraph about how Iago acted out of motiveless malignity. Result: I aced the quiz, and the prof wrote on my blue book that I was the only one to see it, and how the other students were writing their own version of ''Othello''. * Exploited by this troper. My English class came up with four or five possible themes when peer-editing my essay draft5. One of them was much better than my intended theme, so I fleshed it out in the next draft of my essay. * My English teacher in 12th grade was very bad with this. For example, she insisted that the snow at the end of the story "The Dead" in "Dubliners" represented life and rebirth, despite the rest of the class insisting that it meant death; after all, it was "smothering" the city as the protagonist watched. But no, she insisted that water is ALWAYS life no matter what, even when trapped in snow. * This troper, who aspires to be a college literature professor, does ''not'' do this, at least not seriously (it helps that I've only had one English teacher that did). As dorky as it sounds, I like drawing goofy parallels with stuff like this for fun, like a time when I wrote an essay about how the Eagles' song Hotel California was the modern equivalent to Dante's version of Hell and the narrator was DeadAllAlong. I got an A. * This troper recently came up with a theory stating that Ash in {{Pokemon}}: The First Movie is Jesus, Mewtwo and the clones are humanity, and Mew is God. All of this is really rather obvious. It started getting a little out of hand when I worked out that Mew's Psybeam attack near the end of the movie was Judas... ---Go back to EveryoneIsJesusInPurgatory here-- that link symbolizes the pathway from sin to redemption through the wounds of Christ.

EveryoneMeetsEveryone * This happens to everyone who has ever gone to college (particularly at larger Universities). ** Even the first day of grade or primary school for that matter.

EveryoneOwnsAMac * Averted with this Troper. I have always been more or less forced to use Macs thorough my life, being a graphic designer, and yet I'll

always rather work with a good PC built to my exact liking all by myself. * This troper's life was more of a case of "everybody wants to own/use a mac" and "only cool people use macs." * [[DiscoGlacier This troper]] is no stranger to this trope. In elementary school, his computer lab was supplied with Mac OS 7s ([[NostalgiaFilter ahh, the memories]]). In high school, the brand of computers were split: the Mac OS Xs were reserved for film editing classes, whereas the rest of the school used Windows 98 or XP. At home, his mom struggles with her dying MacBook, while he alternates between his Windows Vista laptop and his 6-7 year old OS X desktop (ironically, he uses the former for creative projects ({{YoutubePoop}}s; etc.) and the latter for technical tasks (i.e. Word Processing, research)). * This troper's student atheist group MST3K'ed ''LeftBehind.'' During a scene near the end, where the Anti-Christ looks up from his Mac laptop, one of the students doing the (live) commentary shouted in the movie trailer announcer voice: "Apple- Think Evil." * This troper's college campus seems to have Mac as its sole computer brand for all its libraries and dorms. And both of her roommates have Mac laptops, as does everyone in her dorm that she knows. All this makes her feel like she's sticking out with her very non-Apple laptop. * [[{{onyhow}} This troper's]] middle school only use Macs, even for teachers. High school has mostly Windows with some Macs in. ** Now, in his University, the Computer Science department gives out a free notebook to students in the department (after they pass requirement, that is)...all Macs. To their credit, they do note that most of people out there use Windows and that they can't just abandon them in favor of Macs alone. * Averted with my high school french teacher, who had a Windows-based laptop, but put an Apple sticker on the back. * Averted for the university This Troper goes to. To the record, Macs here in Brazil are rather expensive for your average student, and many courses eventually need Windows-only software, so it's kind of pointless. * At the museum that [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]]'s mom used to work at (This was about 10 years ago), it was like this; the director was a Mac guy, and preferred to have Macs. Last time I saw the inside of their office (A few months ago, when helping pack up after my grandma's quilt show), I notice that the very same iMac that was there when my mom worked there is still setup and in use (I figured they would have upgraded by now, but hey; it still works) * One of this troper's employer's business partners switched to Macs for all their office computers last year, and their representatives often drop by with Mac Laptops. Subverted in that all of them run Windows XP. * Of all the people this troper knows, one consistent trend appears: keeping stereotypes alive, only the musicians, web designers and graphic designers he directly knows, use macs; everybody else uses Windows [=PCs=] or laptops. At least in the musicians case the choice is justified: protools doesn't run nearly as well on PC than on Mac; everybody else is using macs because "that's what designers use"

regardless of the computers capabilities. * Played straight with me, who was convinced by his friend in media to switch to a Mac and and now can't shut up about how '''highly reliable''', '''easy to use''', and '''elegantly stylish''' they are, and why '''you should buy one'''. It's a lot like having a STD really, [[DiscWorld once you get it you got a overwhelming urge to pass it on]]. * At this tropers school played straight. Most students are upper middle class to wealthy, and the computers in the tragically underfunded computer lab are all old [=PCs=] from the late 90s, so everyone just brings in their MacBooks and MacBook Pros, including the staff. * Also played straight at this Troper's school. Justified in that it is an arts school and Macs are the preferred platform for digital art, video editing, composing music etc. In fact, we are all required to get MacBooks in Years 5 and 6, and all the staff only use Macbooks too. Subverted in the same Troper's home: both he and his brother use Acers and run Windows, but the brother pasted an Apple sticker on the Acer CPU. * Justified at this troper's school - every student gets a MacBook Pro to use until they graduate/leave the school. No wonder our tuition costs are so high... ** This is also the case with my school. However, I mostly use the Mac for schoolwork. For other things, I use my Windows laptop. * Played straight with this Troper's family. Of all the computers that are usable and aren't a total piece of crap, Macs beat Windows 2-1. This Troper is a PC gamer, however, and always sticks by the Windows. This is also played straight with phones, as this Troper and his sister both use an iPhone and end up making everyone else in the family jealous. * The first thing I noticed while taking a tour of my art school during orientation was that there were not only more Mac computer labs (3 to 1), but those were always the busiest by a large margin. * [[{{Tropers/Ozimul}} This troper]] grew up with Macs in her house and Windows at her schools. She was terribly excited when her high school got a Mac lab, and even more when her college requirements listed Mac notebooks. However, she does see the merits of using Windows computers. * This troper's family averts this. We have Linux servers and Windows workstations. But nope, no Mac inside. My dad would probably frown at me if I ever wanted to get one. * A strange inversion for this troper: most of my friends are creative types, and all of that group use Windows. The one person I know who owns a Mac (and refuses to use a PC for any reason)... is an engineer. As a programmer myself, I use Mac OS the way the gods intended - on a PC (note: not illegal if you live in the EU). * ThisTroper has been using some kind of Linux distro for his college laptop since freshmen year. (He has now graduated) His server is a cheap nettop that originally ran Windows XP, but is now purely Arch Linux. Both Windows 7 and OS X seem to have ridiculous UI design. Programs share their launcher icon with their taskbar icon? Programs that don't exit when their top-level windows are all closed? How unintuitive.

* Both averted and played straight by this tropers community college; the library has 60+ [=PCs=] all running Windows, and many classrooms have a singe PC at the teacher's desk. But there's one science classroom (the largest one) that has a Mac in every desk. * This troper's old high school initially played this trope straight. Macs were originally the only computers available for students to use, with the only PC located in the school's office. However, after summer vacation one year, we were informed that two new computer labs were now open, causing the [=PCs=] to outnumber the Macs by at least 3:1. My college, however, has several rooms filled with Macs (at least three are dedicated to the creative arts courses). Inverted with the people who bring their laptops to campus, as I have not seen more than 5 Macbooks. * [[Tropers/CrystalGlacia My]] high school switched completely over to Mac in 2009, in addition to giving every last student in grades 6-12 and faculty member their own [=MacBook=]. I must say, though, they ''are'' rather nice machines, now that I've gotten used to them. ---What? You ''don't'' have a Mac? [[EveryoneOwnsAMac Blasphemy!]] ----

EverythingIsBigInTexas * Sadly it is true. Being from Texas, I have been asked when I went to Indiana and later New England some '''incredibly''' stupid questions. "So did you sell your horse when you moved here?", "Do all those tumbleweeds get annoying?", and my personal favorite, "So this school with more than one room is a real change huh?". for those of you out there, let's clarify. A). Texas is modern in almost everything, although our public transportation sucks outside of Austin. A lot of people do drive trucks, but just as many as drive SUV's. B). There's not a desert, except in some of West Texas. What you mostly get is hot grasslands, or more often now, subdivisions. C). Most Texans do not have an extremely noticeable accent. National broadcast T.V. has drastically reduced the strength of accents nationwide. Plano is a notable exception, even to Texans. Even the staple "Y'all" is used much less than you would think. The only really noticeable thing is that pin and pen (and aunt and ant) are pronounced the same, and the verb to chuck is to chunk. Some other stuff, but I'm getting off my soapbox now. ** That's a shame. I ''like'' "y'all"--it's useful to have a secondperson plural that's different from the second-person singular. *** Except, as any true native of the South will tell you, "y'all" is actually second-person ''singular''. The plural form is "all y'all". **** No, it's shorthand for "you all." It's the English equivalent of vous (French), vosotros (Spain-Spanish--yes, there is a difference), or ustedes (Mexico-Spanish). Texas is just weird and squishes it together, you all. *** (* After finding his own soapbox and getting on it.* ) That's the thing. Y'all is used informally as the second-person plural with you all being the formal form. On top of that, there are five recorded dialects of English in Texas, as well as an almost extinct dialect of

German originating from the Hill Country's German settlements and a dialect and pidgin of Spanish. Trucks tend to last longer then cars for long distance wear and can carry a large amount of stuff in the bed, which is pretty useful when you need to move something. Most communities outside of the major cities are too small to warrant a public transportation system, and the soil for most of Texas is too unstable for a subway/rail system that doesn't crumble or corrode within the space of 25 years. That's also the reason why the roads have to be rebuilt about once every 5-10 years. Also, tornadoes are not the natural disaster which causes the most damage around here, its hurricanes and tropical storms. *** And any time it snows a quarter-inch, the whole state shuts down. **** It's not so much snow that shuts a lot of the state down, but freezing rain. Warm air currents from the Gulf of Mexico turn snow into rain as it falls and when that rain reaches the freezing temperatures near the ground it ices everything up, especially the roads. These skating-rink conditions cause accidents and school/work closures in weather that would otherwise make harmless light snowfall in other states, which is what typically causes parts of the state to "shut down" in the winter. **** Because rain should be wet, not frozen. Also the majority of things in Texas are purchased with 95F+ weather in mind, so we don't have frozen weather gear like thick jackets and tire chains wandering as common items. **** And people here barely know how to drive on rain, so when the rain is frozen, that makes an already bad thing worse. **** Not true! It snows in some of the northern parts. Also the whole big people thing might come from the cattle industry. If this troper recalls correctly, red meat increases physical size. Ground beef is generally the cheapest meat available not on the coast (then it tends to be fish for obvious reasons). An as mentioned about the whole subway thing, subways and hurricanes/floods don't mix well. Don't forget the lottery either, for every dollar you spend, schools get a quarter. ***** And the mid-North. Arlington got a White Christmas in 2009. ** This Troper fully supports people thinking this due to the humour of it all. I was born and raised in Houston, Tx and I went to school in the "Big City" of [[NewYorkCity New York City]] and pretty much everyone asked me where my accent was, if we rode horses, if I had a ranch, what about my lack of cowboy gear, how much oil is on my families land, etc. Answers: We hide the accent outside of Texas (then everything in a faux cowboy talk), yes we rode horses, usually to the cattle market, yes I have a ranch and I know the difference between bulls and steers and I can make ya a steer if ya want, I miss the normal way that we Texans dress, hate the way you foreigners dress, and more oil than y'all can shake a stick at. I then asked them when they were going to cuss at me, flip me off, take my wallet, bump into me instead of walking around me, when I'll get to ride in a smelly cab, and fall for the three card monte trick. *** [[InvertedTritone This Troper]] has had people doubt her when she says she's from Texas, even though she has never lived anywhere else. In fact, the only trace of a true "Texan" accent she has is in her

"a"s, as in "accent". *** [[InvertedTritone This (other) Troper]], who is (Dallas)Texas-born and raised, is always asked in Florida (for vacation)... "are you from Britain or Australia?" Yeah. My mom '''is''' from Ireland though... **** The accent that most people think of as a "Texas" accent is mostly confined to East Texas. My cousins are from East Texas, and they sound very much like the stereotype. My wife and I are from South Texas, and we have very little accent at all. ***** You only think you don't have an accent. It's all a matter of perspective, really. Especially when one's specific dialect/accent doesn't impede the expression of complex ideas and emotions to other speakers with a similar dialect/accent. ** This troper is also from Plano, but has never really noticed the accent, although she's been told she has a little bit of one. She will readily admit that she has several relatives from all over the state who speak with very strong accents. * This troper has met someone who fits the stereotype perfectly, but he isn't sure if they were joking or not. He was on a trip to Texas for vacation (during the summer, BAD IDEA) from Canada. The lady at the customs counter asked us what an 'Ontario' was and in the conversation that developed refused to acknowledge that there was anything bigger then Texas. Again, this troper isn't sure if that was a joke or not, but apparently she continued it with half the people in the line behind us. ** [[ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne This native-born Texan troper would like to point out that the summers in Texas aren't all ''that'' bad.]] *** This native Texan would like to point out that they aren't all that bad-- to US. 115 degree highs in the summer aren't exactly nice to Canadians or Californians. **** Wait, which Californians were you talking to? Because it easily would hit 120 where I used to live in CA. *** And this native Texan wishes to point out that it's not fun for us either. Having to stand in front of the freezer after just getting the mail gets old real fast. * [[{{Aqizzar}} This Texan Troper]] had the interesting experience of meeting other Texans while on vacation outside the state. I was coincidentally wearing a shirt that identified me as being from the (very cosmopolitan) city of Fort Worth, and was picked out on a tour by a older couple who brought this trope to life. The camera-toting husband wore an enormous rodeo belt over his equally enormous beergut, the wife wore Texas-trademark Big Hair, and both spoke in that almost cartoonishly Texan Plano accent. After noting that I was also from Texas, the husband quipped, "y'all don't sound like yer from Texas." ** The farther north/east you get, the crazier and more Texan the people tend to be. And the ''accents!'' * You wouldn't believe the questions I've gotten from people from other states and countries upon learning I'm from Texas. No, I've never fired a gun or owned a cowboy hat, yes, we have grocery stores, no I don't ride a horse to work (my previous and ''only'' horse-riding experience in fact, being at a petting zoo when I was five), and yes, our schools have more than ''one room''. The questions usually enter an entirely different ballpark however, when I mention I live in

Austin. No, I don't smoke pot, am not a "hippie", and I don't vote Democrat. I do love live music, though. * I have in-laws that live in Dallas that I've visited. Too many big strip malls, too bloody hot, and seems like the Southern Baptist Mafia runs everything outside the city. On the other hand, the highway system is excellent, the BBQ really is the best I've ever had, and I've found that I do look good in a cowboy hat. * I've seen it averted, subverted, and played straight. It's only played straight with my FFA buddies who have it all (accent, clothing, etc.), subverted with friends (who play up the stereotypes for laughs), and averted (I'm from Texas, but everyone's normal)) * An inversion here. This troper, who is from New York, always enjoyed the show KingOfTheHill, thinking of it simply as a farcical comedy where stereotypes were exaggerated for comedic effect. His dismayed room mate from Austin informed him that no, it was apparently quite accurate. * I have a question. Maybe it's a stupid question. Maybe it's just me. But here it goes. Which part of Texas is the "panhandle" exactly? Looking at a map of Texas, there isn't a single part that looks anything like the handle of a pan. A little help? Thanks. ** Pull up a picture of the state. See that square-edged bit that's furthest north? That's the panhandle; roughly defined by the two 90 degree angles on it's Western and Eastern borders. It "looks like" the handle of a pan much in the same way Florida looks like a pistol and Louisiana looks like a boot/shoe/foot. As in, only if you really squint your eyes and use your imagination. * Some Trivia: ** Fort Worth is apparently nicknamed "Cow Town." You can bet only the people who ''give a crap'' about it being called Cow Town know it is called Cow Town. ** Yes, we do have cows. I've got cows coming out my ears!...10 miles away. ** Steerhorns. If someone has an enlarged (steer aren't that big) steerhorn--a ''real'' one--on their wall, stay away from them, because they are every Texas trope codified. Except for one time where he had steerhorn and a lamp made out of antlers and an elk skull on his wall, just didn't have the accent. ** Snakeskin boots. Cowboy hats. Very non-functional for the heat; nobody wears them unless they're a stereotype, or they're at a rodeo. Which we have. ** Texas Roadhouse will kill you. ** But the state fair is even ''worse.'' Ever hear of fried butter? Yeah, that's us. ** There's also apparently a contest for (I quote) "rich cowboys" to see who can round up cows the fastest. *** So to reiterate, yes, a lot of the stereotypes unfortunately hold true. But that's a small (Texas' concept of "small" is...odd) part of it, and there's [[HalfLifeFullLifeConsequences normal people close.]] It's still a red state, though, so (most) everyone's conservative about something. Except for Austin. That place is just weird. * This troper is a Texan, and he only got to be 5'5" and 4" in the

pecker. * My mom's side of the family is from Dallas, Houstan, and Orange Texas so we go there sometimes. We went to a restaurant and she ordered a small iced tea. They gave her a freaking bucket of iced tea, I shit you not. ** Warning though, if its only a small glass, it will have enough sugar to turn you diabetic. It's hard for this West Texas boy to find some unsweetened tea at restaurants... * This troper once had a cousin who inverted/deconstructed this trope. He lives in southern Texas, close to the Mexican border. One time, we had a HUGE barbecue on his land (he owns an insane amount of land), including a whole roasted pig. At the barbecue, after getting quite drunk, he and another cousin of mine (who was visiting from out of country) got dressed in the most insane cowboy outfit. It had sequins! Thing is? Both of my cousins are from Bolivia, and my cousin with the land recently immigrated to the US, and that was why we had a huge barbecue. * I have met a guy from Texas, and according to him, yes, everything IS bigger in Texas! * Texas weather is kind of insane. Summers are certainly bigger than anything else. It's not really unreasonably to say that Texas has 2 seasons, Winter and Summer. Wearing shorts on Christmas is a fairly common occurrence. * Texas is also not as super conservative as people might paint it. A fair number of the population lives in big cities and metropolitan areas like Houston, Austin, Dallas / Fort Worth, and so on, and tend to vote for Democrats. As Texas's cities continue to swell, it's not inconceivable that in 10 years time the state may elect a Democratic Governor. That is, if Perry ever leaves office. ---Y'all get back in the humongous SUV and put on your ten-gallon hats, cause EverythingIsBigInTexas yee-haw! ----

EverythingsBetterWithBacon * [[Tropers/SizzlyBacon My very screen name.]]

EverythingsLouderWithBagpipes * My parents once went to Fort Lauderdale, Florida for holiday (we're German). And one night, one of their motel's patrons started practicing on his bagpipe in the pool area. Although it was in the middle of the night, my parents curiously went there to take some pictures. However, one of the more [[{{Jerkass}} jerkassy]] patrons called the police because of a little thing called night time disturbance. Anyway, after like 20 minutes, a police car pulled up, and some OfficerOhara got out, went to his car's boot, [[CrowningMomentOfFunny and pulled out a bagpipe of his own]]. [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome Then he joined the guy playing at the pool]].

EverythingSoundsSexierInFrench * Pourriez vous appeler le concierge, semblez l tre une grenouille dans mon bidet. ** Pourriez-vous appeler le concierge, il semble y avoir une grenouille dans ma toilette. Or something. ---* Some high school students, including this editor, take French as a foreign language in American high schools to take advantage of this trope. It works as long as the girl in question doesn't also know French and isn't GenreSavvy. ** Some {{Jerkass}}es think that this trope extends to ''French'' women. You do not want to know how many guys have been shot down using the chorus of a certain song as a pick-up line. *** Especially since a song about a prostitute probably doesn't make for the best pick-up lines anyway. *** Sont des mots qui vont trs bien ensemble, Trs bien ensemble. ** This editor had a high-school friend who could subvert this trope by reciting nonsense (including "I would like a cup of hot chocolate") sweetly in ''German''. ** This editor frequently says in German in place of swearing: "Oh my god, god in heaven, my hamburger is stupid, yes my leader, that is not my hamburger." And this editor is ''not'' German. <-- Obviously, 'cause it doesn't make sense. *** ''This'' editor has been known to use "Ach, lieber Gott im Himmel" (Oh, dear God in Heaven) in place of some F-bombs. Further, since he started doing college work, he has also butchered Arabic and German words to produce many desired effects. *** This troper and his highschool friends, one of whom plays in a rock band, joked that German is the best language for making metal songs as it makes anything sound badass and agressive. We also frequently used the phrase "Ich haben ein Sauerkraut in mich Lederhosen". *** Which is arguably the entire reason for Rammstein's existence :P **** Subverted in the fact this troper can turn his fiance's knees to jelly by growling Rammstein lyrics at her. This may or may not be due to her crush on Till Lindemann, however. ***** Probably not the only woman you could do that to, you know... this troper managed to develop a strange fondness to the Germanlanguage version of the Our Father that's huskily recited in a certain E Nomine song. Um... *** In MEINE Lederhosen. **** [[strike:In MEINEN Lederhosen.]] Nope... Meine's the right word for it. ***** Ich habe Sauerkraut in meinen Lederhosen. Now no more discussing. ***** One pair of pants is singular in German. It's "Ich habe Sauerkraut in meiner Lederhose." ****** You can say both "in meiner Hose" and "in meinen Hosen". Both is perfectly fine. *** This troper had a friend who knew bits and pieces of Armenian, and would frequently shout things like "Your cow is upon my table!" as

insults. ** And ''this'' editor knew a guy who took it all one step further and would say horrible, horrible things ("I'll kill you and bury your body under my garage") to girls in French, which they would assume was something romantic. He was never busted, though one would imagine that the comedy potential of him actually using it on another French speaker would be immense. *** ''This'' editor went to college with an actual Frenchman, who demonstrated the technique to her using words that, he said, translated as "Your ears are enormous, but at least they hide your face." ** ''This'' editor has discovered that Polish can serve the role traditionally associated with French ''and'' the role traditionally associated with German with equal ease. ** And ''this'' editor has made a habit of exemplifying this trope with the phrase "J'ai un poisson dans mon pantalon", a phrase which sounds very romantic, and means, literally, "I have a fish in my pants." *** Interesting coincidence being that, in ''this'' editor's high school, the phrase of choice was "J'ai beaucoup de chats dans mon pantalon" (he believes; his friends speak French, he doesn't), which means "I have a lot of cats in my pants." *** This troper's best friend once needed a convientent phrase in French for an RP we were doing. She ended up with "J'ai le poisson dans mes yeux", which she now occasionally yells, though since I've started taking German she's replaced it with "Ich habe Fisch in meinen Augen". *** She has a fish in her eyes? ** ''This'' '''''troper's''''' mother once told how a student somehow got himself into the French house in university without speaking any French. When some other students pointed this out, he turned to them and said "Il y a un pomplemousse sur l'autobus". Apparently the students believed him and didn't speak enough French to realize what he said ("There is a grapefruit on the bus"). *** The same troper's dad (who is perfectly bilingual between French and English) loves to joke about screwing with peoples' heads and saying the most ridiculous stuff in French, under the guise of being suave or innocent. His favourite was in university when he convinced several of his friends "mange le merde" was "bless you" in French. ** This troper is perpetually disappointed by how poorly this trope works in Canada. *** Depends on where you are and who you're talking to; in this troper's experience, most kids lose interest in French long before they finish the required classes, and usually drop it as soon as they can. If you tried talking to them in French, they may be suspicious, but that doesn't mean they'll understand it. ** StephenHawking claims to have chosen an American-accented speech synthesizer for its effect on women. He also recommends Scandinavian. ** ThisTroper's girlfriend rarely uses her native Portuguese--but oh, when she does... * Apparently, some silly convention-goers in the same suite as this troper believed that nothing Russian could possibly be sexy. Followed

by ten minutes of agitated, disturbingly sultry babbling in what little of the language they knew mixed with threats in a terrible accent imitation. These were not terribly attractive men- and there were still girls lining up to sit at their table afterward. This troper (of the Russian accent fetish) included. Like German accents, you sound so much more authoritative... * This Troper's father once had a bar in Montreal buying him drinks because he demonstrated the only French he knew-- "Je suis un crayon rouge." ... "I am a red pencil." * A few years ago, this troper attempted to make studying French more interesting by translating ''Star Trekkin''. She still can't get the chorus to scan properly. ''Danny Boy'' in Klingon, however, is actually quite moving... * This troper has a friends who was born in Germany, and once had him start speaking German to some girls from another school. She's not entirely sure what he said, but the immediate reaction was 'Wow, that's sexy.' ** This troper agrees that there's something very oddly sensual about German--not just the language, but the accent as well. However, she blames these feelings on [[FetishFuel Stupid Sexy]] [[{{Psychonauts}} Sasha Nein.]] *** Oh God same with this Troper. There is something oddly sexy about German. But, I blame my case on [[FetishFuel that damn sexy]] [[TeamFortess2 Medic]]. * This troper went to France on a student exchange trip. I met some guy friends. This trope worked like a charm on me until I started getting used to everyone speaking French. It also worked the other way: a lot of people in my classes were impressed and almost turned on when I spoke English. * This troper is nineteen years old and is not allowed to cuss in front of her parents....Except in French. She also has a habit of just saying random French things just to talk. * When people are impressed that this troper is learning Japanese, he impresses them further by saying the longest sentence he knows: "Tsugi no kado o hidari e magatte kudasai". (This means "Please turn left at the next corner".) * This troper has a friend who has a very, very nasally speaking voice that verges on the ridiculous, but he still manages to sound sexy when speaking French. * I believe the everything sounds sexier in french, Japanese can do a lot, and everything sounds funnier in German. German's only funnier when you do it in the sterotypical nazi way though. Or maybe the Arnold way. * [[BooBooBob This Troper]] took four years of High School French and still can't hold a conversation in it but I do remember the first sentence I was taught. Ou est Monique. This is a standard in French education, or so I hear. One of these days I'm going to go to France and find this Monique chick and slap her about the head and shoulders yelling "WHERE THE ''FUCK'' HAVE YOU BEEN?!? ''MILLIONS'' OF FRENCH STUDENTS HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU ''FOR YEARS''!" ** This French troper finds it extremely amusing, since the first English sentence he was taught was "Where is Brian?" (the correct

answer to that, by the way, was "Brian is in the kitchen") *** Ouwere iz mayi homme-brella? * This troper once got asked out by a guy saying, [[GratuitousSpanish "Yo soy un bestio sensual."]] Note to men: Asking out girls in the ''same Spanish class as you''--I.E., ones who have a high probability of understanding what you're saying--with GratuitousSpanish phrases is ''probably not a good idea.'' She turned him down. Strongly. ** And it should have been [[GratuitousSpanish "Yo soy una bestia sensual"]] too. ** No, he is male, so it's "un bestio sensual". ** Wrong, because "Bestia" is a feminine noun, so it can't be said on masculine form. * Subversion: ''Avec un bon accent Qubecois, la langue franaise devient BEN moins sexy. Mautadis tabarnaque esti de calisse de criss.'' Long story short: It's only sexy in ''actual'' European French, not Quebequer French. Being one himself, this troper can only bow his head in shame. ** This other troper from Qubec can only agree with this as he thinks French sounds annoying insted of sexy. French like in France sounds snobbish, French in Qubec sounds like it got beaten by baseball bats with rusted nails. He do think, however, the southern accent in english sexy. Go figure. *** Haitian French sounds like someone is permanently inflicted with phlegm. Ech. ** This English girl with a Qubecois (Quebecker? I'm still not sure) boyfriend would have to agree, as much as she loves him. In a possible subversion, according to him, everything everything native English speakers say in French is sexier. Although if he tells her one more time that she has a "charmant accent anglais" when she speaks French to him, she might just punch him in the face. *** This troper had the same reverse-EverythingSoundsSexierInFrench experience with a Lyonnais guy she dated. He loved it when she would speak English to him...random bits of English, provided he couldn't understand it, got him hot. This troper recalls one time he was lying in her bed and enjoined her, "Parle-moi anglais! Dis n'importe quoi!" To which she replied, "Uh, okay...I don't know what you want me to say, but here I am, I'm speaking English..." He sighed in rapture, "Mmmmmm oui oui oui je ne comprends rien!" ** This troper speaks Parisian French. One of his friends speaks Canadian French. Both made a contest of who could hook up faster. Of course, the one who spoke Parisian got the girl faster. * Subverted: One of [[BladedSmoke this troper's]] best friends interjects French phrases into his speech all the time. However, he never says them in a French accent, but in the voice of a cheerful and somewhat bewildered Englishman, which girls find hilariously funny rather than sexy. It's not helped by the fact that his eyes go really wide and his ears twitch whenever he does this. * This troper finds that if you say something in French in a creepy tone of voice, it sounds far creepier than it would be in creepy English. * This troper got reminded of this trope in a discussion of pick-up lines, when he mentioned that everything that comes out of a French

boy's mouth qualifies as one. Everyone else immediately agreed that, well, EverythingSoundsSexierInFrench (also Russian, apparently). I ''meant'' that every other guy I met in France was a horny bastard . . . ** [[{{Crimson Rider}} This Troper]] can attest that the French girls however subvert this, they got so tired of their own countrymen, they find everything spoken in any language BUT French, then when they speak French, it's played straight again. ** You should hear Arabic; it actually rather sounds like French combined with Russian, and...some other languages. Farsi moreso! * I knew a girl in high school who fit this to a T. My french accent was pretty much perfect (a side effect of being the French Teacher's son), and this girl would ask me to say stuff in French. "Montre-moi le poisson de ton frere Raoul" once caused her knees to buckle slightly. ** *googles*... "Show me the fish of your brother Raoul"? O_o; ** Go read "DaveBarry's only travel guide you'll ever need". You'll be a better person for it. * Hilariously subverted by a guy this troper knows. He would sometimes talk to his girlfriend in a sexy voice as if he were telling her romantic things. However what he was saying were quotes from "Jeanny" (by Falco), a song about the abduction of a seventeen year old girl. "Sie kommen! Sie kommen dich zu holen. Sie werden dich nicht finden. Niemand wird dich finden, Du bist bei mir!" sounds really sexy when spoken in a husky voice (and is really creepy when you realize what it means). * This troper's gay best friend would do this to her all the time, only using Spanish. Spanish really is an intensely sexy language, and it didn't help that he is easily one of the most attractive men she's ever met. It drove me freaking crazy (and yet somehow I enjoyed it...). * This French troper is commanded every time he reveals this to essentially "Turn me on in French." It's gotten to the point that he once resorted to "Please shove a dirty hamster down your throat." Unfortunately, she did know the word for hamster so it didn't work. ** I do believe this is an example of {{Crowning Moment of Awesome}}. * [[HighFive This bilingual Canadian troper]] averts this trope in particular, but she loves confusing her Anglo friends by randomly switching to French if they prompt her. * [[{{Aline}} This bilingual troper]] speaks Brazilian Portuguese as her first language, but when she has to speak English, people that can't do so get surprised by how awesome and "accurate" it sounds. Did I mention that my accent is terrible and mangled? Yeah... * Possible subversion: A large proportion of French men are complete perverts. "Putaine! Suce ma bite, hein?!" and other such wonderful phrases sound less than poetic. Not to mention on this troper's second day in France, a random man started stroking her hair at a pedestrian crossing and crooned how lovely her hair was and how sweet she smelled, and utterly terrified her. NOT everything is sexier in French, unfortunately :( ** That reminds this Belgian male troper of a similar experience on the train, unfortunately involving a middle aged, middle eastern guy

who was obsessed with my hair, to the point of rubbing through it and running away. If I remember correctly he was also speaking french. ** "Lche mes couilles!" Ew. Also, "Vous m'avez repouss mais je t'aiiiiime!" * This troper will make mad monkey love to the first person who comes up to her and says something sweet and romantic in Interlingua. ** *Sweetly* Interlingua se ha distachate ab le movimento pro le disveloppamento e le introduction de un lingua universal pro tote le humanitate. Where do you live? * This troper finds Latin (''not'' Church Latin) hopelessly sexy. * This troper, being [[BlessedWithSuck cursed with bilingual-ism]], and thus actually UNDERSTANDS the lyrics to the songs he hears, is often asked to translate English songs into French by his fellow students. Let me tell you, singing "Under my Umbrella" in French DOES NOT sound anything other than retarded: "En d'ssous d'mon parapluie, uie, uie, uie, eh, eh, eh, eh, oh, oh, oh, oh..." ** While "ella, ella, ella,..." is so much more clever? I'd say you got the feel of it spot on. * Et l'eau, c'est l'heure. (is this correct?) ** "And water, it's time". What was it you were trying to say? * This troper's mother once tested this trope in college. She and a friend got a group of english-speakers together, and she started complimenting them in German, while her friend said the most horrible things she could think of in French. Needless to say, the group got it backwards. * This troper and her friend routinely invoke this trope as a joke, mock-flirting with such romantic phrases as "excuse me, but I think my cat just peed on your foot" and "you smell funny, please go away and take that annoying small child with you." No one ever has any clue what we're saying, which makes it even funnier when someone actually ''does.'' * While he knows some French and thus the sound of it is normal to him, [[{{Crion87}} this Australian troper]] is very prone to falling victim to this trope - especially where European accents in English are concerned. He was [[{{IfYouKnowWhatIMean}} intrigued in a good way]] by a woman speaking with an Estonian accent in English. He has heard spoken Estonian and finds it a pretty language, but he is not sure if he would actually be turned on by someone speaking it to him. It would depend on how attractive the speaker was. * Subverted, in that I personally find that [[{{TakeThat}} Everything Sounds More Annoying In French]]. * [[TheWeirdo This troper]] is a Brazilian translator that likes Italian women speaking English. Oh, to meet one. * {{Ryumaru}}: I have a saying: Everything sounds sexy in French, like a death threat in German, and like something out of a {{Shonen}} anime in Japanese. I learned Japanese for this reason. Well, and to [[ForeignCussWord insult people]] [[PardonMyKlingon without them knowing....]] * This troper learned how sexy the German language is when two German exchange students sat in front of him in class. ** [[{{Bookhobbit}} This troper]] agrees that the German language is extremely sexy. Much more so than French.

** [[{{Belle-Mage}} This Tropette]] ''definitely'' agrees. The German language also has the bonus of sounding [[EvilIsSexy deliciously evil.]] ** [[{{Carh}} And this troper]] is the opinion these tropers above obviously ''never heard'' Saxon or Hesse... * This troper, who is almost completely fluent in French, ''digs'' completely the sexiness of Romanian. ** This Romanian troper has played this trope straight,in that he had/has the biggest crush on the girl in his high school class who spoke French most fluently and sorta inverted in that he almost made some progress with her by being the best in English class,another miscellaneous success was in making a random female student who was passing interested by talking in English about the evolution of graphics in Final Fantasy. * This troper likes to bring out the only french phrase he knows ("Je suis un funky homme" from the Marmaduke duke song of the same name.) from time to time in an attempt to impress the women folk. Subverted in the only time it actually worked the target lady happned to be a fan of the band and recognised the name. * To this troper, everything sounds sexier in Arabic. And where DID the place for languages other than French under this trope go? I thought they were there the last time I checked, and now we're just back to French examples. So I have to be the odd one out here with Arabic. ** Honey, the only language I listen to [[FetishFuel Maleficent]] in is Arabic. ** I freaking love Arabic. It's like Russian and French combined, with another language I can't quite place with it. However, Farsi is even ''more'' awesome. * This troper tends to have this effect on both English- and Spanishspeakers, because he speaks Castilian Spanish-a ''vosotros'' here and a ''ceceo'' there is apparently quite exotic. Or Biblical. ** Unless you say "vosotros" to a close friend who understands it, then they'll wonder why the formality... * This troper got turned on when her [[{{IDidntMeanToTurnYouOn}} thenfriend-now-boyfriend]] spoke to her in French. * YMMV on this one. [[Tropers/DonZabu This troper]] personally thinks that French sounds like it's being [[{{Dissimile}} run through a fish pulverizer and made into imitation crab meat]]. * This Troper found John Cho infinitely sexier when she found a clip of him speaking Korean. Same with when she found out that Bradley Cooper speaks French fluently. What can I say? Bilingualism is sexy. * Step 1: Go up to someone you want to mock (make sure they are ''not'' language-savvy!) Step 2: Say [[ForeignCussWord "Va te faire foutre!"]] Step 3: Look it up afterwards and hope they never find out. * This troper's boyfriend's reaction to [[YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries LittleKuriboh's]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VNI7GSxiBE allFrench redub]] of the first episode of YuGiOh Abridged: "Everything just sounds so ''dirty!''" ** I, personally, can't really stand the French redub. It sounds less like people speaking French and more like first-year Americans trying to speak French without attempting an accent. I.e., horrible.

* This Troper grew up on three different Filipino dialects, then learned English, and then Spanish. Living in the Midwest, women have told him that any of the other languages he speaks come off as hotter than English. This troper happens to find the English language the most fun language in terms of wordplay. ** English is rather awesome, since it's a mish-mash of several languages. * I find Parisian French to be pretty, but not necessarily sexy. I've yet to hear Quebecan, so I have no idea about that yet. Haitian? Good ''God'' no. Permanent congestion/phlegm much? Arabic I find awesome, because it sounds, to me, like Russian and French combined. Farsi is even ''cooler'' because although it has the same alphabet as Arabic it's just...better. I suppose it also has a bit of Hindi or Japanese (was tempted to write "japonais" there; oh French, how you have warped me) flavor to it. Finnish and Latin though, leave me stumped. Have you ''seen'' the Finnish translations?! There's no cognates or false cognates, just "how the hell did you get this word from ''this'' word?!"; Latin is just completely unpronounceable to me. ** No languages make me melt, really. Especially since I tend to meld several languages at once. "Salaam! Gracias, madame! " *facepalm* ** I also have to think when writing the word "Russian"; I always try to write "russki" even though that actually refers to someone ''from'' Russia, and not the language. Plus I think it might be an insult as well. *** Actually, you're not far off. The way you say "Russian" in Russian is "russkij yazyk," (Cyrillic: &#1088;&#1091;&#1089;&#1089;&#1082;&#1080;&#1081; &#1103;&#1079;&#1099;&#1082;), "Russian language." * This troper has been assured by several people that when she speaks Spanish, she sounds damn sexy. No matter what I'm saying, apparently. Even this troper's Colombian lab partner says that this troper can make something as mundane as "Tengo un perro negro" sound orgasminducing. * There are two reasons I took GCSE French. Swearing in school and getting away with it (just stay away from French teachers), and sounding damn sexy. I could say one of two things to sound god-damn gorgeous, "vos yeux brillent la lumire d'un millier de lunes" or "Tabernac! Choleque de merde!" The first means "Your eyes glisten with the light of a thousand moons" the second, well, here's the link. http://www.insults.net/html/swear/french.html It's near the bottom. * This troper had been know to get ladies by reciting Disney Villain Songs in every language from French to Zulu. * This troper had always hated her first name. She goes by her middle name to all friends and colleagues. Recently, she was introduced to a guy from Belgium, who speaks with a heavy french accent. She was introduced to him by her first name. Guess who totally loves her first name now. * Discussed in this Troper's Sociology class at Montana Tech. We decided the French are sexy, the Germans are manly, TrueArt is always foreign, Greenlandics will survive the apocalypse and Libya's flag sucks. This is how off topic we get every. single. day. * This troper personally thinks Everything Sounds [[{{Kawaisa}}

Cuter]] In Japanese. * I have a real weakness for Scottish accents, especially if the speaker is from Edinburgh. (Though I've heard Glaswegians who speak in a very... *ahem* kind of way.) I've also found that Northern Irish speakers have lovely accents. If you're from Birmingham, Manchester, Brighton, Southampton, or London, England, whoa baby. Most Liverpudlians don't sound sexy to me, but the late, great John Peel managed to have THE sexiest accent in ALL of radio-dom and he was from there. My guy sports an interestingly vague U.S. East Coast accent with some special Pittsburgh influences and I could listen to him all day and night. He says my vague U.S. Southern/Texan drawl sounds appealing to him and I've heard about others having a fixation on that too, but I've yet to meet someone with a ''special'' interest in Mexican-style Spanish accents, which is the accent I (naturally) use when speaking Spanish. Shame, really. A waste of four years of studying the language, really. Should've gone for Italian. It's darn near close to Spanish anyway. * This troper had a lover who adored hearing her speak French even though he had no idea what she was saying. When her bedroom-specific vocabulary ran low, she started throwing in phrases like "I support a national welfare state" and "cover me in leaves". * In Spain, being italian (or argentinian, or pretending to be one of them) will make women's interest in you skyrocket. In fact, if you speak italian correctly your chances of getting laid increase a 5000%. Don't ask [[{{Tropers/mymo}} me]] why the hell does it work, but it does. Even more, if you speak italian and play the guitar there is no chance in hell that you do not get laid. * Apparently, Everything Is Cuter in Vaguely Lancashire English. (I also have a very nice French accent.) For an example of my voice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ybr6SO3q97k . People have told me how cute my voice is. It's really not, though... * To [[Tropers/SanaMae this troper]] everything sounds sexier in Serbian. Dear god, Serbian...[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpYFoTNrlok This song]] alone was enough to give her a MAJOR language kink. Just...I'll be in my bunk. ---Retournez au [[EverythingSoundsSexierInFrench tout sonne plus sexy en Franais]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>> )

EvilDetectingDog * If my dog growls at someone, it's time to think carefully about how much I trust them. If she bites someone, I'll usually find out that they did something harmful shortly after the event. * A family member had a dog who would lie under the table when a visiting salesman was dishonest. * A friend whose dog sat stubbornly between her and her would-be beau until firmly ordered to leave--whereupon said "beau" tried to sexually

assault her. Her scream caused the dog's instant return. * [[{{Kriegsmesser}} This troper]]'s mother was going to go out on a date with a man, [[GenreSavvy but decided against it]] when the dog stayed 20 ft. away, growling, at all times. * Arguable subversion (although I know a few people who'd insist it's a straight example): The family dog used to growl at this troper whenever she went into the same room as him at night. Granted, I can be kind of a jerk, but I'm not really evil, just TrueNeutral. * My friend has an obnoxious Jack Russell, which at one point was standing behind her, hackles raised growling, though there didn't appear to be anyone there. After looking we discovered a guy with a knife standing around the corner. We ran for our lives to my house. * This troper's dog yaps happily when him, his mother or his brother enter the house - however, as soon as his dad turns his key in the door, he's barking savagely and when he joins us in the living room, my dog jumps up on the couch to sit by one of the aforementioned causers-of-yapping whilst ''never'' taking his eyes of this troper's dad. His dad is, of course, is a bit... well, I'll have to find some Troper Tales section appropriate for it. * I'm the nicest guy you know, but most (if not all) animals cause a ruckus around me (until I look at them menacingly; no joke), but will usually stop soon. * This troper's dog was a bouncy, overly-friendly beagle who would lick almost everyone given half the chance--except, of course, for the nasty, bitter old man up the hill, who, mind you, had never said anything nasty to her, but was undeniably evil to others. * This troper's mother's late dog had this uncanny ability. Troper and her sister had boyfriends who regularly came over to visit. Both tried to make nice with the dog. Just mentioning the name of the guy Troper's sister was dating would make the dog growl, while mentioning the name of Troper's boyfriend would elicit a waggy tail. In the end, the dog was right about both guys; Troper's boyfriend (now husband) is a genuinely nice person, while her sister's (now ex) boyfriend was a jerk. * Inversion: This troper's friend has two dogs that will bark at any male that enters the house. This troper's guy friend found a way to get them to be quiet. He says "I'm a burglar", and they calm down. * This troper's dog once growled at a traveling salesman and peed on him, the only time he's ever done so. ** Good boy! * This troper has been told that he is habitually too nice for his own good, but he's been phobic of dogs since he was two. * Take this for what you will, but one night about two years back on a rather stormy night (I live in Arizona, so it was already an odd night) when my two dogs, a Sheltie and a Yorkie start bawling and running towards the back part of my house. I follow and they are just standing at the end of the hall, looking up at the ceiling corner and barking at it. I was seriously creeped out. * This troper has an evil detecting ''python''. Make of that as you will. * This is totally averted for the pug owned by [[{{MiraShio}} this troper]]'s sister. Guapo, as the pug is named, neither remembers nor

recognizes Mom and me--unless, however, we're giving him a nice massage. * My dog absolutely hated our neighbor, who would loudly verbally abuse his foster children. "You just had to break it. Wouldn't be happy until you broke it." No wonder my dog hated him, considering how much she loved kids. * This troper induces "evil-detected" barking from just about every dog he's come in close contact to. Two exceptions: a half-senile Pomeranian, and a Doberman with a head cold. * Several years ago, a guy I had just started dating and was very interested in (and the feeling seemed to be mutual), came to give me a ride to the airport. My landlady's trio of dogs dashed up to the gate as they always did, eager to greet a new visitor as they always were. Suddenly they stopped short and all started barking and growling at him. They kept doing this despite his attempts at playing with them and my repeated assurances that he was my friend and was not going to hurt me. I found this very strange, as they usually loved people, but chalked it up to them being overprotective and brushed it off. I shouldn't have. The guy turned out to be an emotionally abusive sociopathic asshole who ''already'' had a girlfriend and was cheating on her with me. It's a long and painful story as to why I didn't see through him, but suffice it to say, the dogs did--to this day, my mother is convinced of this. * Mostly somewhat related, This Troper's -cat- doesn't so much detect evil as lack of common sense. One of my friends is a nice guy, but is horribly immature with very little common sense; the cat hisses at him. Another is not only lacking in common sense but in nearly any form of rational capability; she HIDES from him. On the other hand, she absolutely adores This Troper's ex girlfriend (now like a sister to him), who can be goofy, but has remarkable depths of common sense. * [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} This troper]] hasn't actually seen this from his dog (a Chinese Crested Dog, remarkably pretty as far as the breed goes - like a small Afghan Hound without much of the hair - and a canine version of the DumbBlonde) who is a remarkably sweet thing and regards [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] [[{{LickedByTheDog}} as her best friend in the world]] (probably something to do with [[{{PetTheDog}} letting said dog out of her cage and giving her kibble when she first arrived from]] an animal shelter near Melbourne - which I might add was an aversion of the old PoundsAreDoggyPrison DeadHorseTrope) - but he intends to, should he meet a prospective lady-friend in the park or somesuch, he might need the dog with him, in case this trope actually works like that... * This troper finds his dog's barking very useful in scaring the crap out of Jehovah's Witnesses that always call around during dinner. ** Lend [[Tropers/TropicalSnow me]] your dog. ---Return to EvilDetectingDog here. [[KickTheDog Don't kick it]] if it growls; you'll just prove it right. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EvilElevator * This can ''rarely'' happen in real life. During this troper's junior year of college (06-07), and elevator in the high-rise dorm next door failed spectacularly; it only dropped one floor, and was probably overloaded, but the poor jerk trying to dive out of it on hearing the alarm and noticing the circumstances only made it halfway. The folks inside weren't able to get out for twenty minutes, which time they spent in company of ''half of him'' as he was crushed to death. If you're skeptical, I don't blame you: but, it's [[http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,223337,00.html true.]] If you google it, there's also a reference at Popular Mechanics' website. ** Sounds like that was the basis for the ''OneThousandWaysToDie'' clip "Shafted". * This troper was too young to remember, but when he was 2 he wandered into an elevator in a hotel lobby... and then somebody on the ''top floor'' pressed the elevator button, causing the doors to close in front of him, [[NightmareFuel blocking him from his parents as they drew together]]. Apparently he screamed in fear all the way up and back down. * The elevator doors in my dorm don't automatically open when something goes between them in the doorway -- only when they ''make contact'' with something in the doorway. So we end up in situations just like in movies and cartoons where it looks like we have to force the doors open. * [[Tropers/RedWren This troper]] got trapped in an elevator. Okay, that's okay, so long as no one talks aloud about claustrophobia, I'll be okay... -->'''Resident BMOC''': It sure would be bad if there was a claustrophobic person in here.\\ '''Tropers/RedWren''': I'm claustrophobic.\\ '''Random Girl''': Ha, yeah, they'd be all freaking out.\\ '''Tropers/RedWren''': [yelling] I'm claustrophobic!\\ ''[The general elevator mimics the supposed freaking out, causing everyone to think my freak out was joining in.]'' ::In other words, in this elevator, no one can hear you scream until it's too late. [[ParanoiaFuel And everyone forgot the entire incident within a few seconds of leaving, save that the elevator has paused.]] * This troper has two. The elevators towards the Dialysis station at the hospital I go for clinicals are small and claustrophobic due to the mirror panneling on the ceiling. As I pressed the button to go up, the elevator on the right begins to open but stops midway. Hesitantly, I press the button again, and the doors open all the way. I got in and thankfully suffered no trauma all the way to the fourth floor. ** This troper's second incident was when I went with a Dialysis CNA to pick up a patient on the 5th floor. As the CNA was managing the bed with the patient, I was ahead of her and in the elevator. The doors started closing, and I looked at the button pannel to locate the button to open the doors. Too bad for me, but these elevators were different than the ones I use to go up to Dialysis, so the buttons were in a different arrangement. I didn't locate the button until the doors shut and the elevator was going down. By the time doctors came

in and rode all the floors and I came back to the 5th floor, the patient and the CNA were gone. Embarrased, I rode back to the Dialysis station and was greeted by cries of, "Hey, she's not lost!" * When I was a kid, I was always afraid of elevator number five in my Mom's workplace (where she worked on the 27th floor.) That elevator would rattle as it went up and down. * This troper frequently has NightmareDreams about malevolent or malfunctioning elevators. * Speaking of childhood horrors, I used to live in a really old apartment building with really tiny, shaky elevators that always broke down. I was so obscenely terrified of them that even though I lived on the top floor, I walked up stairs every day from school. That and hearing someone died in one of them didn't help matters. No idea how the person died, but wow did my imagination wander wild with that. * When I was 10, an elevator closed on me. I managed to get out before anything happened * This troper doesn't have any fear of elevators in general, but for some reason always had a strong distrust of the ones in his old apartment building. Something just felt oddly "wrong" about them, even though they functioned reasonably well, until... ::One day, returning home to the 8th floor with several bags of groceries, the elevator abruptly stopped - not gently as on a normal arrival at a floor but a "hard" stop as if the elevator had hit some obstruction. For a few seconds nothing happened, and then the doors with a noticeable struggle - opened to reveal the elevator was not aligned properly with the floor outside; the elevator was at least a foot above it. After briefly weighing the risks of staying vs. leaving, I jumped out (while being forced to duck slightly). The elevator doors closed behind me and it presumably continued on its way. ::After spending a few seconds gathering my wits I noted that I was inexplicably on the 6th floor. Needless to say, I ascended the remaining two floors using the stairs. * [[Tropers/SukiSelfDestruct This troper]] had a terrifying dream that culminated in someone attempting to assassinate her. So when we went down in an elevator, I got in with maybe 20 other people (it was a big elevator). We pressed our floor and it started going down. Faster, and faster. I told my friend that this was too fast and she said that it was always fast. Then the door panels started shaking and broke off, revealing that we were falling far past ground floor. Down, down, down we went -- past all these underground levels, and way off course too, falling through midair as the other elevator walls fell off too. Past a cavern, even (yeah, this was at my school, apparently). And then we landed, miles below Earth, stranded... There was some light from the rooms above us, but not much. And no-one would know we were down there, not till long after we were dead... * This troper regularly encountered two elevators that were somewhat evil. One was old, creaked a lot and often made groaning noises that could be quite alarming (though as I recall, it never broke down- or at least, not with me inside it). The other did actually break several times and also made alarming noises. This troper eventually gained a paranoid fear of elevators that has remained with her to this day- I

don't like them, I don't like having to use them and if I can, I will take an alternative. * This troper ''hates'' elevators -- not helped by the fact that my rapist, a family friend, worked on elevators, and for years and years my mom would try to calm me down in elevators by telling me so. ([[ChildAbuse Not reassuring.]]) Elevators that creak, shake, drop suddenly, or run ''too'' smoothly... basically, any elevator will freak me right out, and grabbing me to soothe me, or whatever it is you think you're doing, doesn't help. * This troper gets the creeps from old elevators. A particularly bad example was the one from holidays in Italy. When it was empty, the elevator stopped 10-15 cm above the actual entrance. And when it was closed, it was ~30 cm lower. And the floor wasn't that reassuring either. ** The second elevator's even worse. It's in the 10 story high faculty building of the university I visit. Actually it's two of them. Until a year ago, they were clad with old tapestry that would drop onto your head if you stared at it too much and the LED was gone in one of them. That changed, but stories of these things actually getting stuck once in a while surely encourage people using the stairs. * [[@/{{endlessness}} This troper]] lives in a 40-year-old building with equally old elevators which like to fail often. As he has already noted in a HighOctaneNightmareFuel entry, all elevators in Brazil are required to have [[http://www.dzai.com.br/static/user//18/18971/3124569e49c76e65a6fa31c da299638a.jpg this warning]] - translates as 'Before entering the elevator, check that the elevator car is on the current floor'. And [[FridgeHorror he understood what it meant]] when one of the elevator doors on the building opened without the car being there. * This troper hates elevators. Most I can deal with by getting to a back corner and hanging on tightly. However, there were several at college that were just far too unstable feeling for me to be able to trust. Some would creak, some felt shaky, some just felt scary for no real reason. When given the choice, I nearly always pick the stairs. Fortunately I've not had any incidents with an elevator, but I'd rather not take the risk. Interestingly, glass style elevators don't scare me nearly as bad, presumably because I can see where I'm going.

EvilIsCool * [[DokEnkephalin I]] have always had loads of fun playing villain characters on stage. And every time I've gotten the chance, I've had people tell me that they came back to see the show a second time because of me. ** Indeed, villain roles are among my favorites to perform, extra points if its a [[{{CompleteMonster}} complete monster]], I know that the "I like to play it because it is my polar opposite" excuse sounds generic, but damn its true * Other people always told me they found the BigBad at the end of {{Fantasia}} scary, I never understood why. Then again, it might be because my non-comics cultured parents referred to him as Batman... * Take a look at the number of self examples on Heroic Sociopath,

Yandere, ETC. * Upon replaying ''CaveStory'', I found that I was doing something that would probably have previously been considered impossible (hell, ''our article on the game'' says it's impossible, and yet I did it): I was [[RootingForTheEmpire rooting for]] [[CompleteMonster The Doctor]], to the point where I have an edit of his sprite on one of the forums I regular as my avatar. Eventually, I determined that the reasons were because, since I'd played through the game before, the [[PlayerPunch shock value]] of his actions was gone because I ''knew'' what he was going to do. This trope provided the rest. Also ties into EvilIsStylish - [[CompletelyMissingThePoint I want a hat like that!]] * I've always thought that, aside from when played seriously,this is ''the reason'' why {{CardCarryingVillain}} exist. Because,honestly,who would see themselves as evil? * [[@/{{Hammerhead}} This troper]], since a very young age, has always sort of thought this. He's never actually been "evil" himself, but he LOVES to play evil. Whether it's [[CompleteMonster Complete Monster style Evil]], [[DastardlyWhiplash Dastardly Whiplash style Evil]], [[TakeAThirdOption or combo of both]]. Of course, it's even funner when it's [[EvilIsHammy hammy evil]], and then even more fun if it's [[EvilIsStylish stylish evil]]. The latter may explain why I think [[PuttingOnTheReich Nazi uniforms are really cool...]]

EvilLaugh * This troper, just to fuck with people, sometimes uses one. Once I accidentally did a perfect Hamil Joker laugh. I've never done it again. :( * Sometime during puberty, [[@/{{Comartemis}} this troper]] picked up a malevolent-sounding snicker that sounds very similar to the first part of [[{{Disgaea}} Laharl]]'s evil laugh. When I realized who I sounded like when I laughed, I decided to develop it a bit; now I have a simple but terrifying "Hmhmhmhm... Hmhmhmhyahaha'''''HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!'''''" that I can turn on and off and completely ''scare the bejeezus'' out of people whenever I want to. * This Troper does the traditional "mwahaha!" laugh when forced to do chores. It got to her family after a while, and her chore load has grown a lot lighter since. This victory in itself called for some evil laughter. ** This Troper saves her real laughter for when she's watching her favorite anime, ''{{Gundam 00}}''. More specifically, the parts in which things are blown up and/or people dying particularly gruesome deaths. But don't tell her psychiatrist that. * This troper's organ teacher (a six-and a half foot tall Englishman), after showing him around the place and then leaving, suddenly turned around, boomed "WElCOME TO THE MADHOUSE!" and let loose an Evil Laugh that most villains dream of being able to do. * [[@/{{EternalPride}} This troper]] has two. A low-pitched "Hrmhrmhrmhrmhrm..." done without opening my mouth, and a completely batshit insane high-pitched "HHHYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHEHEHEHEHE!!!" which always freaks

people out. * This Troper, with creepy canine showing smile and hoarse chuckle, scared off three mexican punks, all larger than he. * [[@/{{Peanut}} This Troper]] can successfully imitate lots of Disney villains, like my favorite, Maleficent- AHHHHHHH-HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! I'd be good as her in drag. That, and Ursula-(deep breath) ahhahahahahahaahHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ahHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!I'm sure I'll get a giant culminative attack of the willies someday. * According to a large number of this troper's friends, he has a ''very'' EvilLaugh - in that, on an average day, he can induce chills and goosebumps in nearby people who haven't built up a tolerance. And it ''is'' so very stress-relieving. * [[@/KnownUnknown This Troper]] has been practicing his EvilLaugh for years. I can now do several, from the Joker laugh, to the low chuckle, to the hoarse old wizard laugh, to a wild guffaw. My real laugh is much different, though. * Another example- this troper actually ''practices'' evil laughter, on the off chance he ever goes Mad. And is so good and so evil at it, unfortunately, that they usually consider it {{Narm}} for some reason. * Example part three: This troper practices various ''types'' of evil laughter. He is rather good at psychotic laughs, specifically the "Kira" type that begins with bursts of hushed chuckles and ascends into all-out cackling. Unfortunately, he has yet to find the privacy to practice his all-time favorite: the type that begins with a highpitched screech. * Example part four: This Troper is a wannabe MadScientist, so when in private, he indulges in perfecting mwahaha-style evil laughter, and aims to develop evil undertones in his public laugh, while also honing his laugh of joy. * Try it yourself while standing next to a large drum of any sort. Especially a drumkit. Dramatic Reverb! * This troper has a tendency to ''adopt'' the evil laugh of her most recent film seen's villain. It's slightly spooky when it's [[{{Discworld}} Mr. Teatime]] she's mimicking unconsciously, with the Willy Wonka voice right out of Hogfather, but as of recently even her normal (well relatively normal) laugh sounds like the Joker. Damn! * This troper's been told that her laugh sounds evil... by everyone around her. Including her cousin's best friend who wants to take over the world. But seriously, it ISN'T!!!!!!!! It just creeps everyone else out. So yeah.... It isn't. * This Troper is especially good at the insane Kira/Joker type of evil laugh. Also, evil laughter is fun. * This Troper's pretty good at the "rolling chuckle" type of evil laugh... It's really short, and really low, but people turn around and look at me like, WTF?! * This Troper is generally all-around in all sorts of evil laughs. Best at masculine, out loud ones, or just small, sneaky 'hee hee hee's, to the point where this Troper's sister has commented on this in the past. * This Troper LOVES doing evil chuckles, laughs, and maniacal evil laughs. This can however be somewhat unnerving to others; a relative once got scared by a laugh I did after making a Death Note related

joke. * This Tropers natural laughs ALWAYS sound evil and creepy, such that his cousin (who is in his thirties, a former army man, and owns several firearms) once demanded that he change it (and seemed to make an effort to stop saying funny things thereafter), a plane full of people kept turning to look at him disturbed when OnlyFoolsAndHorses was showing, and his brother has said that everytime he laughs, a puppy dies. It is not helped by the fact that this Troper tends to burst out laughing at complete random. ** This troper also has an evil sounding natural laugh. I even lampshade my laugh sometimes. * [[ManCalledTrue This troper]] has four laughs: "the natural" (unmodified), "the MagnificentBastard", "the Iori Yagami", and "the Luca Blight", in order of evilness. The last is only done when alone, to avoid panicking pets or family members. * This Troper has, while not an evil laugh, an evil chuckle, which, combined with a PsychoticSmirk, has lead to me scaring small children and most adults. * This troper has an evil chuckle that's not bad, and I can also do a pretty good imitation of [[PiratesOfTheCaribbean Barbossa's]]. The scary thing is, I'm a ''girl''. * This troper's laughter is rarely vocal, but when it is, it's a long, shrieking cackle that makes the Joker appear sane by comparison. * This troper has the unfortunate tendency to sound like she's gone quite mad when she laughs hysterically at something, to the point that she is sometimes called "The Joker" by some of her friends. It doesn't help that she can also pull off a very convincing, genuinely insane look - SlasherSmile, blank eyes and all - and that she also tends to adopt the evil laugh of whatever villain she happens to be obsessing over at the time. * This troper does this, using both Mark Hamill and NorioWakamoto as inspirations. * A friend of this troper's class has evil laughing ''competitions''. The participants laugh, and the class votes on the best. * This troper is fairly good at evil laughter. He just can't figure out when to stop. He once played Bocci Ball with some friends, and let out an evil laugh of some sort every few minutes. In the space in between, he would speak in a British accent for no apparent reason. Have I mentioned I'm insane? * [[@/{{Nomic}} This troper]] doesn't normally laugh like this but he can do a rather impressive "Mwahahahaa!"-laugh and often does when he does something "evil", like turn off the bathroom light when somebody is inside (their fault for having the light switch on the outside). * I believe that in order to make your evil laugh sound less Narmy, you should either do small quiet laughs, or build up from small quiet laughs to one loud large one followed by a few normal laughs with the last one a bit elongated. I also believe that if you feel that your laugh is narmy, you should follow up with a semi-quiet and "misty" voice saying something creepy in order to avoid snark. * This troper is a subversion: despite having been told by many, many people that he has one of the most impressive speaking voices they've ever heard, he cannot for the life of him do even an evil chuckle. His

friend, however, can make you wet your pants. * This troper went to see The Dark Knight with a friend, and due to that friend's laugh, as well as it being perfectly in sync with the Joker's laughs, he is now called Most Gayest Cowboy. * [[DarkInsanity13 This troper]] suspects that her normal entertained laugh is a lot scarier than any attempt at an evil laugh, due to the volume and how it sounds more like a cackle. Her mother isn't much better. * This troper has two natural laughs, depending on how much air is in her lungs when she starts laughing -- a childish wheeze, and a fullbodied chuckle that several friends and family members (coming to the conclusion independently) tell me is a "mad scientist laugh". Add this to my obsession with science [[ForScience for science's sake]], my love of wearing a lab coat whenever I can find an excuse to and the fact that I went out of my way to obtain a coffee cup shaped like a laboratory beaker * MythSage's way of starting an evil laugh: Start of with a fake Light Yagami-esque fake laugh. "Heh. Heheh. Heheheh". Then take it up about three octaves, and start jackhammering at the laugh. Then let the natural laughter take its course. Then, when the laughter subsides, whirl around and threaten to "break somebody's damn knees". Watch as everybody looks at you funny and slowly backs away. Marvel as some of your friends run away from you at top speed. * At the age of around eight or nine, [[FreezairForALimitedTime this troper]] chased her sister across the room, laughing all the while. Somehow, somewhere along the line, her normal laughter dissolved into the purest specimen of a "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" that her family had ever heard. This troper then began to practice, perfecting her unholy gift. Now, despite being a 5'2" pipsqueak with big glittery blue eyes and a baby face, she can deeply disturb everyone in the room with her evil laugh. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! ** [[EngagingConversation And now, I suddenly began to contemplate the benefits of stabilisation in my life.]]. * This troper is somewhat disturbed to note that he's started doing an evil chuckle unintentionally when he gets away with doing something he shouldn't. Fortunately, it's at least out of earshot. * This troper uses it to scare off trick or treaters. And at every other opportunity... including during biology, when he was wearing a lab coat, had his hands covered in blood, and a scalpel with a little bit of heart on the end in one hand, and, you know, the rest of the heart in the other. It was EPIC. * [[MrGuy This troper]] has a tendency to break out the evil laugh in just about any game with VideoGameCrueltyPotential when he's not yelling "PWNT, bitches!" to his enemies. It was very satisfying when, in {{Spore}}, he destroyed an empire he had just engineered, enlightened, and allied with. He has minor problems. * This troper does indeed, like many on this page, practice her evil laugh whenever appropriate, in preparation for when she eventually [[TakeOvertheWorld takes over the planet]] and because it's just so dang fun. * This Troper taught his son to do an EvilLaugh on cue. Averted, as it's only adorable when he does it.

* [[@/{{Horngeek}} This Troper's]] friend. He doesn't do it often, but when he does... oh boy. * This troper appears to be going the GigglingVillain route. * This troper has an excellent Evil Laugh, primarily because he used to participate in impromptu evil laugh ''contests'' in his middle school. His distinctive style evolved into a maniacal cackle not unlike a hyena's laugh. At one point, I decided to use it to freak out a friend, but he simply found it funny because he had heard it before. Unfortunately, I then found ''that'' funny and '''couldn't stop my evil laugh.''' I could barely breathe. My friend describes it as "probably the funniest two minutes of my life" * This troper's normal laugh is a staccato cackle which draws a lot of attention whenever he hears a particularly good joke. * This troper (who is known to be a LargeHam in general) has a pretty effective evil laugh. Even his older brother is scared by it. It should be noted he has also quite a powerful voice in general. He can also do a pretty good impersonation of Jack Nicholson as The Joker and knows most of his lines from ''Batman'' by heart. * This troper has the classic Mwahahaha evil laugh which she likes using. If done properly she can easily freak out anybody who hears it. Why? Probably because it is a few octaves deeper than her normal voice, is loud as anything and comes from the quiet girl in the corner reading a book. Just goes to show you have to {{beware the nice ones}} * This troper has two friends who fits this. One even categorized her different laughs like so: "quiet chuckle", "sneaky snicker" and "full blown evil". The other can imitate [[CardCaptorSakura Tomoyo's]] laugh (in the subs) so perfectly that even after three years, this troper "still" can't help being a tiny bit scared every time she hears it. * This troper's aforementioned evil chuckle has been refined: "Meh heh heh heh..." Also, I've now developed a "Complete psycho wants to TakeOverTheWorld" style laugh, involving gales of dark, disturbing laughter, escalating in pitch to almost falsetto. * This troper did this all through primary school. She was admired for it. :3 ** Likewise, [[@/{{Tropers/Delpolo}} this troper]]'s evil laugh has become so famous that people that he's never met have asked him to do it, as well as the laugh being a subject of discussion in another class' ''math class''. The troper has a typical "evil" laugh, a [[{{Disgaea}} Laharl]]-like laugh that he sometimes adds to the end of the first laugh, as well as a "crazy" laugh, which he abused to no end on Hallowe'en. * Apparently, this troper's normal laugh sounds quite psychotic. It tends to grow louder and higher in pitch the more she laughs. When she was younger, however, people often commented that her laugh sounded unusually evil (think 'BWAHAHAHAHA!'). * [[JET73L This troper]] specializes in what is called the dragon laugh (not TheDragon, but draconic villains), the laugh that starts low and escalates to either a shrieking, howling laugh or an upgraded dragon laugh, and the [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin anticlimactic laugh]]. The troper usually brings an evil snicker into an escalating laugh, whether intentional to or not, but has been working on it. Gives people chills when it's pulled off right.

* This troper had a good one when she defeated the Pokemon League on [[{{Pokemon}} Pearl]]. ** Same here on ''Pokemon Saphire''. Muwahahahahahahahahahaaha! * This troper can only pull off an incredibly narm version of the classic "Muahaha" and an evil snicker. My friend on the other hand has a two second quick chuckle when something funny happens (sort of like a "Muaha") a full blown classic laugh ("MUAHAHAHAHA") an incredibly evil snicker. In fact, when he laughs normally it always starts with a "Mwa". Considering this friend is often labeled as the anti-christ, it's not unexpected. ** Oh crap! I just pulled off a pretty damn creepy insane snicker! * This troper stopped the many conversations in a room full of people last night with a full-volume evil laugh, prompting offers to be henchmen. Recalling this makes him laugh evilly again. * This troper has observed that his laughter scares small children rather easily, even though he's generally got a warm personality. He's also been told that his laugh is "Really Creepy". HehheheMwahaha... * This troper has a semi-stupid evil laugh--its level of stupidity varies by situation, although she pulled a really good one during her math class that scared even the ''teacher''. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA! * [[Tropers/{{Mullon}} This troper]] can do one, but I need to be in the right mood for it. I just can't do one right off the bat. Something really wonderful or really funny has to happen. The last time was able to was once I finished {{Persona 3}}. It felt really good. Everyone who has finished that game knows what I'm talking about. * This Troper developed an evil laugh some time in high school. It just sort of kicked in, becoming his natural laugh. Said laughter would later come in handy when he got a sweet gig as a cartoon villain; for which his laughter was perfectly suited. ** This troper apparently did it so much, his quote in the yearbook is listed as "Mwhahahahahaha!!". He also received the "Most Likely to Take over the World" award... * This troper frequently gets asked when he's going to take over the world. The laughter is not even intentionally low pitched and from the stomach evil contents like. Hmph. Getting mocked. Hmph. * This troper's older brother has an evil laugh that gives her the urge to check for a secret lab in his home every time she hears it. * [[CaptHayfever This troper]] was once asked to record his evil laugh for the sound effects loop in a haunted house. * While I can do a passable villain-style EvilLaugh on command, it's my [[GigglingVillain maniacal giggling]] that ''really'' qualifies, given that I ''have'' to be genuinely up to no good for it to occur. * This troper has a very terrifying evil laugh that she demonstrates on occasion for people, who are invariably horrified. * This troper actually has several different evil laughs. One is a standard "HAHAAHAHAHAA!!!"", evil overlord kind of Evil Laugh. The other kind came about when trying to decide what kind of voice Kefka would have. Lets just say this this troper's friends have asked him to never, EVER do it again, because it scares them. On another note, this troper has begun to scare himself, because his Evil Laughs are slowly

starting to replace his normal ones. * This troper can pull it off pretty well, especially the [[DeathNote Kira]]-like one, the one in episode 37. The thing is, she's a cosplayer -- and it'd be awesome if she wasn't an ''L'' cosplayer. Her Light is really bad at it, which sucks. * I like using an evil laugh, especially around my more sensitive roommate (Her: "Aaah, oh my god, you're scary!"); I think she might be ''serious''. * This Troper once did an evil laugh when she was writing about a murder victim... and decided to make her an expy of Bella Swan. It felt really good. * This troper does involuntary evil laughs as default when she sees something funny. When it's even funnier, it ranges into full-blown cackles of insanity. Having lost the ability to laugh during teenage years, this troper retrained herself by listening and imitating some characters from anime. Admittedly not the sanest of characters. * This Troper is now ''scared'' of her younger brother after he displayed a truly terrifying EvilLaugh that landed him the main villain role in his Drama class' production. BewareTheNiceOnes indeed. * [[LatwPIAT This troper]] revels in his evil laugh. I have problems forming the right cackling spontaneously, so I rather work my way up from a sarcastic laughter, drawing my breath several times as I go to build up a laughter that has scared my fellow classmates. I also apply the sarcastic evil laughter where the loud one would be inappropriate, and I have a silent evil laughter in case I have to be somewhat quite in my evil. * This troper let out some evil laughs while she was writing a campaign she plans to GM for some dear friends. She also let one out when she met the last person on the Internet who didn't know what a screamer was. * This troper can't even remember if he even ''had'' a normal laugh. Even growing up, all he can remember is having an insane, shrieking laugh. And to this day, he almost always laughs insanely, and for a wide range of reasons - from making a flawless, mafia-shootout-style VIP kill in Halo 3 to watching Disney's Rocketman. When not doing an insane laugh, this troper either makes a dark little chuckle, which at least one of his friends has taken as a bad sign, or cackles. * Ever since me and my friends started watching Death Note, they view me suspiciously and, due to the Belgian Manga Murder finally came out with why, "Are you Kira?" I laughed Light style, and said, "No, haven't ever been to Belgium, sorry guys." * This troper had an awesome evil laugh. ''While playing Trivial Pursuit''. Another person I was playing with needed a wedge(you need 6 to win the game) and blew a completely easy question that I knew immediately. Cue me giggling which slowly rose into an all out villainous laugh. I couldn't have done it better if I tried, you'd think I'd just pulled off a XanatosRoulette or something else actually WORTH giving an EvilLaugh over. * This Troper regularly bursts out into one of these when playing Pandemic 2, especially when she gets Madagascar, or just when she's feeling particularly evil. Or laughing at all. Apparently, even my ''normal'' laugh sounds evil. Mwahahaha...

* This troper gave an evil chuckle that was later described as one that would "still be giving you nightmare's a week later" to a group of bullies that were bothering her. * This troper has a variety of evil laughs. From a perfect witchs' cackle that has had evil laugh lovers demand I never do again, mimicking Sai from Fatal Frame II with such accuracy that it baffled a fellow gamer when we were playing a different title, to the standard staccato Mwahahaha villains laugh, and a hyena style whoop. But this tropers' personal favorite is the natural laugh for their most extreme amusement; in the shaking, flushed face, rocking in hilarity laugh that is Dead. Silent. ''This one'' has disturbed more people than any of the others, as you can't even hear me ''breathe''. It doesn't help that I enjoy pulling out a SlasherSmile to go with it. * This troper tends to lapse into as my friends call it "creepy as hell giggles" when she's winning any sort of game and is often asked to laugh like mad scientist. ** Are we related? Whenever I feel just a little bit too happy, it scares people. I tend to start with a sort of giggle, then build up to a truly delicious, slow-yet-staccato classic stlye laugh; it goes something like "hehehehehahahahahaHAH-HAH-HAAAH!" I truly sound insane when I do it. * This troper practiced her EvilOverlord laughter for a while. The result? A beautiful and scary booming laughter. * [[@/{{Meiriona}} This troper]] has watched Mark Hamill's Joker laughter so many times that even the hint of it sends her into her own hysterical fits. Starts with a low body shaking chuckle and then up to full on cackling GLEE. Also, the giggle into purely psychotic silent laughter that is almost seizure-esque in the way it cannot be stopped. * [[@/{{0dd1}} This troper]] has a couple down: ** Start out low and chuckle-ish, getting into loud and psychotic ** [[GigglingVillain Giggly like a psychotic schoolgirl]] * I EvilLaugh usually with a slow build up and then psychopathic laughter that sounds downright [[NightmareFuel eerie]]. When I am acting in my role in an amateur movie as the BigBad, however, the laughter is much darker, more stable and still very frightening, because it fits well with [[CompleteMonster the character]]. * [[AceOfScarabs This troper]] is capable of a respectable variety of evil laughs, and has ''won'' his platoon's Talent Night skit competition with the epic power of his laugh. It will be remembered by the officers and [=NCOs=] who attended the event. * [[@/{{MiraShio}} This troper]] does the evil laugh just for kicks, which often gets me funny stares from anyone nearby. It [[strike:also helps]] doesn't help either that most people's first impression of me is a haughty brat. * This troper has been practicing her evil laugh since middle school. She has three now: the quiet, gleeful snicker (used when planning horrible things to do to her D&D party), the chuckle-building-up-tofull-throated-maniacal laugh (useful for scaring friends in dark rooms), and the full-on over-the-top villain laugh, which has landed her parts in plays. In fact, she learned the secret to evil laughter from her father, and will now share her ancestral wisdom with TV Tropes: ''a good evil laugh has an odd number of syllables.'' That way

it sounds unfinished, like there's more evil yet to come. (Compare "ha-''ha!''" with "''ha''-ha-ha!") * This troper once played the main villain in a one-act play in his high school freshman year. When he finally unveiled his evil plan, he was supposed to walk off and laugh as he went. I actually managed to do a very good evil laugh. * This Troper is actually considered the ultimate evil being in his work place due to having a very creepy evil laugh, and being able to make small children cry just by looking at them. He is known to perform his laugh when customers ask him for help. Where does he work? IKEA. * The only laugh this troper can even manage to pull off without sounding really unnatural is an evil chuckle. Make of that what you will. * [[@/{{PhoenixOasis}} This Troper]] once went on a rampage of Evil Laughter during a management training seminar. Several series of evil laughing over two days worth of classes tended to frighten the couple of goody-two-shoes-es in the class. Then again, this Troper also was asked what his motivation was for climbing the corporate ladder. His response, naturally, was, "To take over the world." He then gave a step-by-step analysis. * This troper can only pull it off well when in a good mood and excited, otherwise he misses the last 'ha'. * This Troper also practices and can do Joker style, Light Yagami style and TEH DEVIL style and trying to learn the more restrained ones * * This troper has a tendancy to laugh at things that really [[LaughingMad don't deserve being laughed at]] in an evil or creepy sounding way. He once did this in an egrigously creepy way during an end of year exam for maths: The same answer kept coming up in too many questions, and in the working for to many questions for it to be a coincidence and was sure he was doing something wrong, as no test writer would put the same number in so many times. For whatever reason it really got to me when no one else even noticed or cared about the pattern and I eventually started laughing uncontrolable at the test page, slowly slumping forward as he did so until his still laughing face was flat on the table. He then quickly regained his composture and went on with the test. * This troper's [[CardCarryingVillain card carrying]] friend does a somewhat evil laugh every single time. Most of the time it's just a sort of chuckle, but when actually talking about evil he goes into more creepy laughs. ** Personally this troper cannot pull off a traditional evil laugh, but he did once combine it with CreepyMonotone. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I was then told to stop it. * This Troper has two kinds of evil laughs: ** [[GigglingVillain A cute giggle, done with a subtle, yet evil tone.]] ** A very loud, very [[LargeHam hammy]] witch-like cackle. * This Troper has been told on several occations that she has either a witch's cackle or that I sound like a hyena. Either way, I have a way of creeping out people with my laugh. * [[LordNadir This Troper]] has mastered many of them. It doesn't help

that This Troper started planning world domination in eight grade and didn't know this wasn't natural till sophomore year. ** the wizard dry "he-he-he" ** The LargeHam "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha" (Wario in SmashBros) ** The [[GigglingVillain man in the straight jacket]] quiet "Ee-he-hehe-he" ** The charismatic smooth "Bwa-ha-ha" ** Almost has the witch down but still sounds more like Hillary Clinton (Don't comment on this) ** The high pitched "OmnicidalManiac" (and his natural laugh, if you must comment on this go ahead) "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha" *** The [[{{Pokemon}} Jessie]] laugh or the [[FinalFantasyVI Kefka]] laugh? * Best way to end any conversation. "Well, Jill, I will see you, TOMARROW!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!" * This Troper had the wondrous opportunity to play a god of death in a musical in high school, and practiced his evil laughter constantly for weeks. After the show was over, he then realized that the evil laugh had somehow permanently replaced his regular one. He has no regrets about this. * Both [[@/FarseerLolotea this troper]] and her fianc can manage a rather respectable one. (And, conversely, know someone who's convinced she's got it down pat...but who actually giggles like a [[WorldOfWarcraft female gnome]].) * [[@/{{Tabby}} I]] can get a pretty decent rolling evil laugh working when I'm so inclined. The last time I did a demonstration, it was while working the night shift in an empty and already-creepy evidence locker. It nearly gave one of my coworkers a heart attack. In my defense, I was not aware that she was wearing headphones and hadn't heard my announcement that I was going to do it. * This troper is famous for her wide arsenal of evil laughs, from a deep "ha ha haaaa~!" To an insane shrieking laugh. Pair this with her tendency to Threaten people in rather graphic ways and you get the reason why among my friends I'm considered psychotic. * This troper loves doing an evil laugh when he gets a good chance (which generally occurs when he wins a game of 40k against the only chaos player: considering he plays Space Marines, it seems slightly ironic that the one who can do the greatest evil laugh is the good guy). His real laugh makes him sound like a lunatic: the first time he watched Mock of the Week, he laughed so loudly and madly that he had to be told to stop for fear of waking people up (he was in a hotel on that night, in fairness). * This troper is practicing. She and a classmate tried to coach their Political Science teacher into a 'proper' evil laugh during class. * At the end of the holidays, this troper's sister was going back to school early. When this was announced, this troper began to chuckle, which evolved into a laugh, which evolved into a full-on, echoing, high pitched shriek. It sounded vaguely like Kira's laugh. ** Did it again one day in school, only this time it was shorter and not as loud. It still drew everyones attention. --->''Me'': ''(laugh)'' ''[[BeatPanel ((beat))]]''

--->''JerkAss Druggie'': ''{Name}'', [[HypocriticalHumour get off the crack]]! * This troper has long cultivated an EvilLaugh that friends, acquaintances, strangers, enemies, and occasionally animals seem to find bone-chillingly terrifying. I don't know what's so special about it, but it seems to work every time. * This troper's Japanese night course teacher was a petite, cheerful Japanese woman who tried her best to make every class relaxed and interesting. In the final class, she dropped three oral, interactive exercises on us and let out a happy, gleeful chuckle when she saw our faces... which somehow managed to be as malevolent as the worst GigglingVillain's. I pity her other classes. * Whenever this troper does his evil laugh he has a blank,creepy serial killer expression and a demented smile. He just wishes he was able to be the Joker for Halloween. He also does this while playing ''BatmanArkhamAsylum'' because he just ENJOYS beating up thug after nameless thug. * This troper discovered his evil laugh a few years ago at a youth meeting. While I was widly known as a ditzy cloud cukoo lander, I was still considered a nice guy. When I broke out into room filling manaical laughter, everyone went silent and stared until I coughed and excused myself. * This troper does it whenever he gets pissed off. Sometimes not. Usually it consists of broken, insane giggling, which then follows up to laughter, then ramps up to maniacal cackling. * This troper has ''several'' natural laughs -- and they're all evil and manical, to the point of getting WTF reactions from people who don't know that. When this troper ''tries'' to do an evil laugh, he can also do several and they're pretty good... but not ''as'' good as the natural ones. Admittedly this is because this troper hasn't really practiced them. This page makes me think that I should practice them and use them at random. ForTheLulz. * This troper's laugh, but it only applies when it's about other's misfortunes. It comes naturally, and it doesn't seem to freak out any of his families (parents and brother specifically, outside that though...), he only found out when his friends freaked out because of it, he really wished he had more control over it though, it's not good if people found out my intentions because of this. * This troper does this all the time. Usually in the car. Occasionlly freaks outs passengers. * [[@/{{Hyrndhrafninn}} This Troper]] practised the evil laugh so much it has actually become the default laugh for him. * [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} This troper]], while at least nominally a NeutralGood type who is a WellIntentionedExtremist and KnightTemplar at the worst, finds pulling an EvilLaugh or fifty quite stressreleasing. The nastier and more psychotic the laugh, the more the release. Quite therapeutic actually, but lately his therapeutic such laughs have been taking a significant, nearly [[Series/DoctorWho Davros]] type OmnicidalManiac ambiance to them. Thus he usually does so when people aren't around, but he could be LaughingMad before too long... * [[{{Tropers/OriganalPie}} This Troper's]] laugh was once disgribed

over the microphone as one that shall haunt many a player's dreams for all of their lives. * [[{{Tropers/Phoenixor}} This Troper]]. It's just so easy! Plus with the cape and SlouchOfVillainy already going for him, is it any surprise that the laugh came part of the bundle? * Has anyone here listened to the original cast recording for {{The Phantom of the Opera}}? Remember Michael Crawford's epic evil laugh towards the end of act one? Whenever this troper is amused, THAT is what you will hear. All of this troper's friends are now very, very wary when telling jokes... * When this troper was 11 she developed a cackle that shounded like it came from a shrill voiced with and it was the only way she could laugh. It stopped however after constantly getting tonsilitis in the following year. * This troper LOVES to crack out his evil laugh, with which he tries to sound as menacing as possible, when he thinks he has an advantage that his opponent(s) doesn't know about while playing a game (especially Yu-Gi-Oh!). This practice, however, usually gives away the fact that he has an advantage, which he usually doesn't care about. ** This troper is the same - he laughs when he has an extreme Field Advantage, the opponent is helpless, and/or this troper will win this turn. * This Troper has a naturally accruing Evil Laughter. Sometimes when I laugh, people freak out. Or burst laughing as well... * [[Tropers/AdelePotter This Tropette]] has mastered her EvilLaugh, and uses it semi-regularly... on purpose. Every now and then, her ACTUAL LAUGH sounds evil. This would be why I'm going for the role of [[{{Annie}} Miss Hannigan]]. * This Troper's EvilLaugh sounds like InvaderZim's for some reason... ** Will you marry me? * [[Tropers/{{Meshakhad}} This troper]]'s natural laugh sometimes crosses into evil territory. I can also do this intentionally, usually when I am extremely amused by something. * This troper normally does this while playing ''Medieval II: TotalWar'', whenever he's winning by a huge margin. * [[{{Tropers/Stealth}} This troper]] has been told his low laugh, which is best described as slow, raspy, and able to suddenly drop an octave without warning, unnerves and frightens people, especially in the context of "I have an idea." It must be genetic, as his brother has the same tendency towards maniacal laughter. * This troper once took a field trip to the museum with her school's science club. We went to see a film at the planetarium, and one of her friends did a classic evil laugh when the lights went out. The whole theater cracked up. * This troper has a particularly unnerving evil laugh, he's told, it's the start of it that people find the absolute creepiest, started with an unhinged, high pitched giggle before exploding into a full on laugh that, according to a nearby family member, could be heard from half a mile away. * [[{{Tropers/Pitafish}} This troper]] has a laugh similar to [[{{BlackButler}} Alois Trancy's]]. This also happens to be my mother's laugh.

* When I get hysterical, I give an insanely loud and high pitched "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Worst part is, if I laugh like that, I laugh at everything everyone says for a ''looooong'' time. * This is my natural, hearty laugh. It sounds like some sadistic axe murderer closing in for the kill, while my giggle sounds like [[SpongebobSquarepants Patrick]]. * ThisTroper has a wide variety of natural laughs which she has no control over. Sometimes it's guffawing with a touch of snorting. Sometimes it's gasping silently for breath. And then there are the times when it sounds like it belongs to an [[AxCrazy axe murderer]]. I even sounded like a cackling witch once. To this day, I can never predict how a particular bout of hysteria will sound. All I know is that if it isn't the gasping kind, [[NoIndoorVoice it will be the loudest sound in the room]]. * This trope is the reason why no one picked on Edgy in high school. * Depending on what mood I'm in, I'll either let out a deep "Kukuku" sound, (Which my friends call [[FanNickname "The Rapechuckle."]]) or a high pitched, squeaky "Eheheheh!" * This troper's natural laugh is this. ---Return to EvilLaugh. Mwahaha and ha!!!!! ----

EvilMentor * {{toalordsothe}}: This Troper has recently fallen under the wings of one. Hopefully I can retain my morality. * Anybody looking? I'm a high school senior with 3.0 gpa, antisocial personality disorder, and a copy of the 48 Laws of Power... * This troper has had one for a while. Don't get me wrong, she's not really evil and is more cynical than anything. Still, it does worry me when Mrs. A starts discussing her deep a hatred of certain people. I guess everyone needs somebody to talk to.

EvilOverlord * All of this troper's friends are convinced she is going to be an evil overlord when she grows up. This troper isn't sure why. ----[[{{EvilLaugh}} MUHAHAAHAHA]]! NothingCanStopUsNow - not even TheHero and his Nakama going back to the EvilOverlord TVTropes page!! -----

EvilPhone * This troper's cousin and her husband received a call the week the moved into a new house. The voice was "strangely high-pitched" and there were several others giggling in the background. The call was simply a calm "We're in the walls." No neighbors knew what the hell they were talking about, and apparently they hadn't given anyone the new phone number yet. (Possibly a variation of TheCallsAreComingFromInsideTheHouse?)

** [[ThisIsSparta PRANK! CALL!]] ** Duh, they were prank callers, and they already had the number from the previous occupants of the house. * This troper's friend was watching ''TheRing'' on VHS. Just as the movie ended, the phone rang, causing him to freak out. * [[TheTallOne I]] spook easily, and have very mean brothers. Every time I babysat for a couple that creeped me out, they'd remind of the TheCallsAreComingFromInsideTheHouse urban legend, then they would call repeatedly and just breathe heavily into the receiver when I picked up. Eventually, I got GenreSavvy, and stopped telling them when I was babysitting. * [[{{INUH}} This Troper]] has a phone phobia, which led to a horrible nightmare where there was a phone sitting there, ''laughing at him,'' for ''hours.'' * This Troper was watching 1408 (which itself has an Evil Phone) when the phone rang. Except that it wasn't the usual ring, but a noticeably different ringing sound. I answered it, and there was nothing. No dial tones, nothing. That's not what scared me. What scared me was that the other phones kept ringing. * More of a case of The Phone Hates You, but this troper got no less than ''four'' phone calls while she was trying to watch ''Coraline'' with her family. While the phone was just doing its job, it certainly seemed evil. * This troper's phone once rang at about 2 in the morning, with an unknown number. I answered it, nothing there. It was bloody creepy. * This troper pulled this off by manner of prank call on one of his friends. Transcript: --> *Ring ring.*\\ "Hello, this is [name]."\\ "*silence*"\\ "...hello?"\\ "*silence*"\\ "(To somebody else) I think the phone is broken..."\\ "(sudden sharp breath) I am...disgusting."\\ "...huh?"\\ "I am void. I am null. The blood runs."\\ "Prank call. *You can just TELL he's in the proces of hanging up.*"\\ "No! (heavy breathing) I need help."\\ "Oh, fuck off."\\ "I killed her."\\ "...what?"\\ "(Doing his best to sound like a little boy, apparently succeeding) I've killed her. The blood is running. It won't stop...I...I don't want to have killed her... *sobbing*"\\ "Where are you?"\\ "I'm in...I'm in...(sort of hyperventilating)"\\ "Just keep calm. Where are you?"\\ (Putting on a really growly voice) "The basement. *click!*" ** And let me tell you, I had to REHEARSE that shit. *** ...Remind me never to give you my phone number. *** Remind [[{{@/Hammerhead}} ME]] ''TO'' give you my phone number. Well played sir, well fucking played.

* This Troper would have many [[AfterTheEnd post-apocalyptic]] dreams. A morbid interest, they usually are more fascinating than scary. One dream involved me wandering around a {{Ghost City}} when the phone rang in the real world. I managed to sit up and look at the phone but could not wake up fully. And so, my dream translated the ringing to a phone in a wrecked building. In both the dream and the real world, all I could do was to stare at the phone in horror. I mean...[[HighOctaneNightmareFuel who would phone you in a world where no one else is alive]]. ** "[[MemeticMutation THEN WHO WAS PHONE]]", indeed. ---The call is coming from inside the house! Get back to EvilPhone ''now!'' ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EvilSoundsDeep * A friend of mine owns a very deep, often scratchy voice and a speech defect that makes all her r's throaty and harsh. She likes to make a good use of it, often dropping into growl when she's angry - people tend to quickly find something important to do somewhere else when they hear her talk like this. * I had this dream.\\ I dreamt that I was walking past this group of derelicts and some of them talked to me. Suddenly one of them brushed past me and my pockets felt lighter. He laughed, showed me my wallet and hared off. I didn't follow him because I knew I'd never catch him. I just let the frustration at not being able to follow him, the shock, violation and anger at the impropriety (and losing 50) well up, then I turned to his confederate, whom my friends had caught.\\ "Is this her?" They nodded. She sullenly averted her eyes and said something.\\ What came out of my mouth next was a voice so scary one of my friends flinched in shock. Imagine a dry, harsh rasp, such as might come out of the throat of a mummy, not deep, but with a hint of bubbling, rotting corpse larynx and a touch of a swarm of a million flies. Now imagine that they are displeased with ''you''. I truly sounded like I was possessed or like an EldritchAbomination; I could have auditioned for the part of [[WarhammerFortyThousand Nurgle]]. Yet I never raised my voice at all.\\ "TELL ME WHERE HE IS"\\ The lady started, and began to shiver. She could barely get the words out she was that scared.\\ "I- I- don't know..."\\ "TELL ME WHERE YOUR BOLTHOLES ARE"\\ "Boltholes, w-w-what?"\\ "WHERE MIGHT HE HIDE? WHAT WOULD HE DO WITH THE WALLET?"\\ She was turning her face away as if she couldn't bear to look me in the eye. I must have seemed diabolical.\\ At that moment one of my other friends arrived with the thief in tow.

I sighed in relief and decided to use that 50 to buy everyone who had helped me drinks. It was only fair. :-) * This troper managed (while still able to speak like an alto: I'm a guy and I was 13 when I did this) to speak in a [[{{Narm}} very funny]] deep voice while performing as Ghengis in Dracula Spectacula. Every time he did it (when he had to say "Nobody understands me."), the audience laughed. * [[{{Tropers/TheGentlemanAnachronism}} This troper]] once somehow dropped into a somewhat terrifyingly deep voice whilst mockthreatening his brother. Said sibling was more than a little freaked out, as was he. * This troper used to have a very deep voice by default due to years of being a shrinking violet leading to lax vocal cords. I became more audible and my voice became more normal. When I invoke my old voice it's always a low, rumbling, slightly gravely but still smoothe tone and always used for a running joke that I'm secretly a murderous evil overlord. It inevitably ends with me singing "We will all go togeather when we go." for some reason, not sure why. * This ''female'' troper does this. Seeing her default voice when talking to a stranger or recently-made friend is cutesy and rather high, seeing her get furious and drop into something that really sounds like it should belong to a man is... jarring. The fact that her evil voice is rather hammy dosen't help. * This troper deliberately pitches his voice to a higher, 'Normal' tone when talking to people he's just met so he doesn't scare them. Once he gets to know them, he'll dial it back to his normal voice [which is this trope] over time. However, that's not all- When angry, his voice drops to what one of his friends once called 'The Devil Growl'. He can also call 'The Growl' up at will, but it's generally somewhat less impressive when he's not scowling. ** Another thing- The same troper was working as a Telemarketer. Because of aforementioned deep voice, he deliberately pitched his voice to a higher pitch then normal most of the time. During one call, he was asked by an irritated gentlemen to 'Drop the fake voice'. As the gentleman [[{{understatement}} hadn't been terribly polite]] during the call, the troper gleefully switched to his normal voice and said "You mean like this?" While obviously the response could not be seen, if one were to go back and listen they would hear a small 'Eep!' and the sound of a phone being fumbled and dropped before the call was hung up. * This Troper also (unconsciously) hightens his voice to notintimidate others. Its such that when I speak in my casual voice, not even forcing it deeper, my mom told me to 'stop that'. The relevant part is when I hail a friend from behind. -->''Me'': '''Hey.''' -->''Friend'': SATAN! *spins around* Oh, hey. I thought you had come to reap my soul to hell, or something. -->''Me'': Just saying 'Hi'. -->''Friend'': Hey, say "look, I am your father"! -->''Me'': No. I've been getting that request since fifth grade. -->''Friend'': Come on~. -->''Me'': *Sigh* '''Luke'''.*Breather Effect*. '''I, am your

father'''. -->''Friend'':[[{{Squee}} eeee~]] * This female troper has a deep-ish voice. She reflexively pitches it higher and tries to speak in an airy tone when talking to strangers so they don't think she's going to eat them. She likes to talk in demon voices when nobody's listening to amuse herself, though. * I'm an inversion! My natural voice is a very high Soprano but I started training it to sing Alto a few years ago {also when I listened to recordings I felt like I was eight}. So now my voice is an alto {albeit a higher one} and people thought I was eviller with the high soprano. I do switch to a growl when I'm angry though and I have a demon voice that's incredibly high and for some reason British that I use for comic effect. Or scaring my 15 year old friend. ---'''Kneel before me. Good. Now, return to EvilSoundsDeep.'''

EvilTwin * This is the case for both me and my twin brother. I am more violent/insane than he is and likely to cause serious harm to any given person, whereas I compare him to Jigsaw. * When this Troper and her identical twin visited the FBI's crime lab museum, one of the facts the tour guide gave was that DNA could be used to positively identify anyone in the world, but could not tell the difference between identical twins because they are natural clones and share the same DNA profile. My twin then turned to me and quipped. "Don't do anything stupid." * WildMassGuessing: [[TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey HAL]] to [[{{Jeopardy}} Watson]]? * My brother and I used to joke about this, but [[HarsherInHindsight circumstances have made it less funny]]. One of us outgrew it. * When [[Tropers/{{Animenutcase}} this troper]] was in high school, two of her teachers (debate and theater) happened to be twin brothers. The debate teacher insisted that his brother was the evil twin, and yes, the theater teacher ''did'' have a beard. Both of them were nice guys, though.

EvilutionaryBiologist * @/HonoreDB: In third grade, I went to an environmentally themed summer camp. In one activity, we were asked to debate protecting rain forests, and assigned various roles (logger, local mayor, medical researcher, etc.) to play. I was assigned evolutionary biologist, and to keep things interesting, created this character (as far as I know, I wasn't aware of the trope). I argued in character that humans wiping out other species was part of "the natural order" and therefore good. * I did this on The Sims 2. I killed all who possesed the alien bloodline, and forcibly (using cheats) got selected women pregnant with this weird cult leader character I created, keeping and raising the children, and using them to impregnate ''more'' selected partners to eventually reach the "perfect" sim. I suppose it was ingame eugenics.

* This troper liked this assumed role in science classes, keeping a calm little smile and never blinking, and showing a "Virtual Experiment" involving priming these online critters into torture loving masochists based on some internet article I read that day. For those online critters, it changed their pitiful lives the day S. Perry tampered with them. ButForMeItWasTuesday. * This troper, when he was still a biology student in college, would often joke with the other bio students on how exactly would we modify existing species to make them better. This included splicing jellyfish stinging genes into mice, and turning their fur yellow. ---If you can't figure out how to return to EvilutionaryBiologist, you're not fit to edit it anyway and should be removed from the trope pool. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ExactEavesDropping * Hacked into my then internet girlfriend's facebook account after getting suspicious her 'I have an STD, so I can't be with you' story was false. Checked her messages and all, but everything seemed to be deleted. Then three seconds later she came online on the same account. I was automatically kicked off, but a few minutes later I was miracously on her account again. This chat showed up: Her: My tummy's big already. Her Sister: When are you going to give birth? Her: I don't know. It's kinda huge. Her: I think it's a black guy Her Sister: Hey, what now? -_-;;

ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin * Subverted/Averted, This She-troper lives in a place called Apple Valley. There are exactly two apple trees in the entire place, and it's not a valley by any stretch of the imagination. * This troper's house is called 'Hilltop' and is in actual fact at the top of a hill!!! ** This troper used to live at 'The Limes'. There were four of them. They dripped sap on the car. ** This troper's neighborhood is called "Forest Hills". It's got hills, and they're covered in forest. * A road near this troper's home called "Iron Bridge Road" does have

an iron bridge at one end...but it would be better named "Twisty Turny Hilly One Lane Road", preferably with a few expletives thrown in the middle for good measure. * There is a pub called The Pub in this troper's town. ** And at this troper's university. The Pub is located in the same building as The Snack Bar, which serves snacks. (It's somewhat misleading, though, because it also serves full-sized meals). Over on the other end of campus, there is another bar, which is called The Other End. Yes, this is the type of creativity that an education at the most expensive university in New Jersey will get you. ** My university has The Bar on the Hill. It's a bar... on a hill. ** This troper uses the Restaurant City app on Facebook. My cafe is called "The Cafe". *** Anyone familiar enough with this troper's hometown knows that Cafe 54 is [[spoiler:a cafe at 54. E (blank) Street]]. ** There is a little pub just off Hindley Street in This Troper's town. The name? The Little Pub Off Hindley Street. ** In the Capital City of Iceland, there is a bar named "Gay Bar" in plain English. Take a guess. ** This troper has a membership in a games store called, you guessed it, Game Store. ** In the small, mormon, Utah town this troper lives in there is the One and Only bar. It is the only bar in town. * Subversion: The 24 hour computer lab at this troper's university is open from 6:00-12:00. The two other (well hidden) computer labs aren't labeled as 24 hour but actually are open 24 hours. Good laughs to be had around finals as Freshmen figure this little puzzle out. * This troper has a button on his microwave that says "Add 30 seconds." And it does. It is the most useful button ever. ** Indeed, this troper loves that button as well. Great to warm up things that don't need too much time. ** This is the most used button on this troper's microwave. * This troper's high school is [Blank] Island High School, in the [Blank] Island School District, located on [Blank] Island, Washington (State), which is an island called [Blank] Island ''in the middle of Lake Washington.'' Who'da thunk it? Supposedly, our mascot is the Islander, too. Filling out school, district, city, state forms can be very entertaining. Or, when you say what school you go to and people ask where you live. Because [Blank] Island is really a dead president. (Yes, I know that anyone who lives west of the Cascades knows where I'm talking about.) ** Let me guess, [[SarcasmMode Adams]] Island? * This troper's elementary school was named "(name of the street it was in) School" and secondary school right next to it, but on crossroads, thus having address of a different road, was called "(name of the part of the town it was in) School". In fact, most elementaryand secondary schools and some high schools are named after their location. And allmost all universities in my home country are named after their location, except for ones in the capital. * A Chinese restaurant near this troper's school is named "Chinese Food" ** There's a restaurant along I-5 in Washington State just called

FOOD. With a neon flashing light, as well. ** That's about as original as the one in our town. It's a buffet of Chinese food. No points for guessing that the name of the place is called "Chinese Buffet". We also used to have a "Chinese Restaurant". No joke. ** There's a drug store in my area with a big sign simply reading "DRUGS". I've gotten a prescription filled there once, and thus found out from the receipt it ''does'' have more of a proper name that's just not posted outside for whatever reason, but to me it'll always be just Drugs. * This troper's girlfriend's father has a toaster, on which is a button labelled "A Bit More". If you press it, your toast goes back in for... a bit more. * This troper used to live a block from the Fu King Chinese Restaurant. It was a source of endless amusement to this troper and his girlfriend to say "let's go get some fooking Chinese food." ** How does this fit the trope? * This troper's high school had a subversion. Yes, the Cafeteria was a cafeteria. Yes, the Library was a library. But 'The Bookstore' was... a snack bar. * The Student Union Building at this troper's university contained The Health Food Bar. They served smoothies and salads. * [[MutantRancor This troper]] attends Indiana University Kokomo, which is a branch of Indiana University in Kokomo. What they don't tell you is that Purdue University also has a branch on that same campus. There's also the East Building, which is not east, but north. Also, after it was built, another building was built east of ''it'', which is not named "Farther East Building" for some reason--it's called Hunt Hall. It seems I U K loves subverting this trope. * There is a rather rowdy-looking bar in the old town district of Tallinn, Estonia, which is named "The Bar with No Name". Smartasses. ** But it does have a name, so it's not this trope. *** No it doesn't; did you read the sign? ** There's a bar by the same name (or lack thereof) in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. * This troper has a ziplock bag with "Spider Relocation Chamber" written on it. I think you can guess what I use it for. ** Putting spiders in camps? * In other news, The Hamburger Stand does, in fact, sell hamburgers. * This troper lives on Long Street. [[MemeticMutation Long Street is LOOOOOOOOOONG]]. * This troper just got into modding DOOM using ZDOOM. He figured out how to set difficulty levels. His first difficulty level? Impossible. The warning text going into it? "[[ShoutOut This is eating the sun.]]" * This troper's tram goes past The Deli On The Corner. * [[Tropers/{{Ragnar Homsar}} This troper]] is currently working with some friends on designing a possible game we could make sometime. The name? Robot Adventure. (I'm the creativity-deprived person who came up with that title.) * This troper's hometown has what used to be a straight example which evolved into an aversion. Bridge Street did, years ago, lead one to the bridge to cross the river which borders the town. The bridge was

eventually demolished and replaced by another one, but the newer bridge crosses the river at Pine Street. There is no longer a bridge on Bridge Street. * This troper recently discovered a story at a NSFW site with a capsule description thusly: "Mrs. Trotter has a lot of sex." This troper's interest was not sufficiently piqued to investigate. * Near this troper's college there is a bar on Coruna Road named "The Bar on Coruna Road". * This troper's friends have a tale about a friend of theirs who has a file on his computer labeled ''Horse Porn.'' Apparently it's ''exactly'' what it says on the tin. * Back when [[Tropers/{{Rat Of Steel}} this troper]] was a teenager living under his parents' roof, we had a lovely white cat whose name was Fat Cat. * During the 2008 version of the [[DesignStudentsOrgasm biennial typographical congress]] organized over all Latin America by [[http://www.tiposlatinos.com/ Tipos Latinos]], at the one held on Concepcin (Chile), there was a workshop put at last minute billed "Fluorescent three-dimensional typographical modules", and what they done was exactly that... except that they were [[TrueArtIsIncomprehensible everything but typographical-like]]. * This Troper used to live in a small Swedish town called Sderfors. Translation: [[TranslationYes South of the river.]] Guess what's north of the town? ** In another example, the same troper once wrote a short story called "In which Tim's life suddenly becomes very complicated." It's about Tim. His life suddenly becomes very complicated. * In Arlington, Texas, the home stadium of the Texas Rangers baseball team is named "The Ballpark". * This troper has seen snackfoods advertised as "Made with grains." That seems normal, until you realize [[LiteCreme they didn't mention whole grains]]... * This troper's mother asked her about a friend of hers, and she remarked, off the cuff, "Yup. One-eyed Sam, we call him." The troper's mother, who was admittedly driving on the highway at the time, said, "Why d'you call him that?" "...because he's got one eye, Mum." * This troper went to Iota High School. Can you guess the name of a town? Here's a hint. It's rather small. * There's a middle school in Arizona called Mountainside. It's right next to Desert Mountain High School. * This tropette lives on Fawn Ct. and fawn come across here regularly in the summer. Weird, cuz I live in a big city... * [[@/HersheleOstropoler I]] want on a date in the [[BigApplesauce East Village in New York]]. We ate at a restaurant called 99 Miles to Philly, which is 99 miles from UsefulNotes/{{Philadelphia}}, and the dessert at an ice-cream shop called Sundaes & Cones. * This troper is a budding actor, and namedropped the trope when explaining the concept of a casting director to his father. * This troper once met someone who went to X School. ->'''Her''': I go to X School. [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin It's on X Street.]] [[LampshadeHanging Really Imaginative Name]] * There's a very nice town called Fountain Hills. It has both.

--> Founder: Okay, for names... it has a fountain. It's on some hills. Fountain, hills... I think I've got it! * Subverted in the case of this troper. If you already went to the main site, you'd already known the story of the DVD-VHS recorder/player. Sometimes, after doing a lot of button-pressing, it'll display the text "Please press '''any key'''". The kicker? The remote control [[BeyondTheImpossible actually has a button named "anykey" (yes, without the space between "any" and "key")]]. One can only wonder if the creators watched the Simpsons episode before releasing it to the market. ---[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin The link back to Exactly What It Says On The Tin.]] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ExactTimeToFailure * This troper remembers an optional class named "Fault Tolerant Computing", while the exact timer is fiction, (well designed) systems can make mildly accurate guessings using self-tests and statistics. * This editor is proud to announce this the website he maintains for the US Weather department isn't remotely susceptible to this trope. All the [=ETA=]s are estimates, and all the estimates are wrong. ** Is it wrong fast or wrong slow on estimation? ** So long as one knows what the "E" in [=ETA=] stands for, this shouldn't be a surprise. *** Exact Time of Arrival? * At exactly 11 pm weeknights and 12 am weekends, it becomes dangerous / suspicious for ThisTroper to be outside. The government said so! ** But now that I'm 18, it's magically okay to be out at night. Good stuff. ---Return to ExactTimeToFailure here. You have 7.6 seconds left. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ExactWords * "Are you gay?" "No, I like men" and "Are you straight?" "No, I like women", [[NoBisexuals for some reason]], works wonders for me. * As a child, when crossed, this troper would interpret parental orders in the most boneheadedly literal way possible just to piss them off. It backfired somewhat, since that was likely one of the factors that led them to mistakenly believe I had Asperger's Syndrome. ** So it was like Reverse HanlonsRazor? *** ...I never thought of it in those terms before, but, yeah, pretty much. * This Troper knew a boy who in the third grade literally shoved his own sock in his mouth when told to "Put a sock in it!". Despite the blatant attention-seeking behavior on the boy's part, hilarity ensued.

* This Anonymous troper was in a lecture, where the Lecturer asked a student munching away on a doughnut... who is always munching on doughnuts infact... to put the doughnut away. The Student promptly took the most logical course of action to him and ate the bloody thing whole. Hilarity ensued. * [[@/{{MBurusu}} This troper]] longs for the day when he can pull this off: "If you win, we do it your way. If you don't win, we do it my way." [[DoubleKnockout And having said that, I promptly pull off a tie]] and then [[LiteralGenie read J. Unlucky Guy the]] [[ExactWords fine print]] [[LiteralGenie of that agreement.]] ** Oh I get it, he didn't actually say "If I win". ** Yeah, I see where this is going. The troper will be able to say he won because "J. Unlucky Guy" lost. A [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ptitle0f69ympl9sae We Win Because You Didn't]] scenario. * Mom once told [[@/{{LittleMai}} This Tropette]] she wasn't allowed to go outta home to play that day. She thought "Okay", and invited her friends to her home. It didn't end that well, since Mom tends to get irritated pretty easily, but it was fun anyways. * For "School Spirit Week", one of the days was "Twin Day", where everybody were supposed to pretend to be twins by dressing the same. [[@/JapaneseTeeth This troper]] and his friend wore completely random stuff that didn't look remotely similar, and when questioned about it, noted that nobody ever said we had to be ''identical'' twins. Next year they closed the loophole. ** Ah. For a day during ''my'' school's homecoming week, the theme was "Superheroes and Villains". I absolutely hate dressing up in costumes, not to mention that my family had given me a very small budget to work with. My solution? Dress as a superhero posing as a civilian. * Apparently, when this troper was one his father asked him to insert a card into a slot. Said troper tried to do so in a wrong angle, and when his father yelled at him to flip the card, he flipped it on the wrong axis. And he continued to flip on that axis a couple of times when his father continued to yell at him. His father never let him live it down afterwards. * This troper's grandfather, while in the army, was ordered to go with his squad to a named place and report back. A week later, he reported back - from the opposite end of the country from where he was supposed to go. ** I don't get it. Is this an example because he wasn't told when to report back? *** I think so. He was told to go to X location and then ''return'' to report back, but the return part was never explicitly stated. * This troper's parents were fond of telling her to "go play in traffic" when she got on their nerves. Strangely, they did not stop this habit even after the troper was hit by a car. * My teacher in a computing class wrote down everyone's individual usernames and passwords on paper slips, told us to guard them with our lives and eat them if we had to. So I did. * Being a closeted (for now) bisexual, if anyone asks me if I'm gay, I just say "no, I'm not". I don't ever say "no, I'm straight", because then I'd be lying. Luckily, [[NoBisexuals nobody else ever seems to

realise that bisexuals exist]], so saying you're not gay is, to them, the same as saying you're straight. I'm planning on coming out at the end of this year (2010), because it's my last year of school -- which means I'll never have to deal with the bunch of immature bigots at my school ever again. I'm expecting quite a few surprised faces: I'm a good actor, basically everyone thinks I'm straight. * Both my mother and I are what I call "semantics people", so invoking this trope is a legitimate and accepted strategy for getting the other person to do what we want. It... doesn't work so well when I use it on other people. * Invoked a lot with one of my brothers friends. --> "What's up?" --> "The ceiling." * This troper can't be the only one who, when his parents said "no Nintendo for a week!", promptly started playing the '''Sony''' Playstation and feigning surprise/bewilderment when his parents got mad. * This troper actually met a guy once who, when trying to persuade her to go out with him, said, "I'll take you places you've never been." She agreed to a date, and when she pointed out that all he did was take her to a pub - and not a particularly nice one at that - he replied, "Yeah, I figured you'd never been in here before." * This troper is almost incapable of lying. Same with cursing, actually. He can't keep a straight face, and sometimes can't even speak if he tries to do either. He invokes this trope to get around this. He tends to be somewhat prolix as a result. For example, when asked if he had finished his math homework, he said "I just finished the last problem". Meaning, he had done only the last problem on the list. The other forty-seventy problems? Hell no. I'm not doing them for very legitimate reasons. Still got a B in that class, actually. * People I owe money to often learn not to piss me off, or at least learn to include wording in the agreement specifying I can't pay them back in pennies this time. In fact, my motto in life is, "Don't get mad, get even. Preferrably in some way that makes 'em wish their wording was narrower and more specific." * A common thing this troper does, as well as the rest of her family, does when asking for something. For instance, if asked, "May I have a couple of french fries,"the asker will be given 2 french fries. ---Go back to Exact Words. ...did I say I was going to link it for you? ** [[RulesLawyer No, but you didn't say]] [[ExactWords you wouldn't link it for us either.]] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ExcuseMeComingThrough * If you can get going with a purposeful stride, people often will move out of your way. Of course, in a crowded hall, building up the speed needed is often harder than [[MobstacleCourse just elbowing your

way through.]] * [[{{MiraShio}} This troper]] has discovered another way of clearing a path: Just walk straight past whoever's in your way while saying "Excuse me; move it; shoo; leave!" They'll be so put off that they'll obey. * Normally when trying to get somewhere, this troper will try and find a way around them. If the people are walking exceedingly slowly, slipping past them will also consist of a hissed "Could you ''be'' any slower?". Sometimes he will also say "'Scuse me, pardon me, coming through, move please!" in that order. * This troper has an overly stuffed backpack most of the time. It is quite good at clearing crowds when coupled with this phrase (said in a growling sort of way.) * This troper likes to take freshmen by the shoulders and forcibly move them out of the way while sweetly crooning "Sorry" over and over again. With people outside of school, she sometimes just runs right into them before apologising profusely. She's too tall and absentminded to notice most other people. Mean? Maybe. Terrible? Maybe. But dammit, I've got to get somewhere. * As a kid, [[{{Chica Musica}} This troper]] always ended up getting chased by someone she ticked off. So much in fact, that people who heard this trope in action immediately knew it was her. ---[[ExcuseMeComingThrough OUTTA MY WAY!]] * '''[[PrincessBride EVERYBODY MOVE!]]''' ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ExecutiveMeddling * Tropers/{{PaulDouglas}}: I was put in charge of organising and presenting the Graduation Show for my year at Sixth Form (British equivalent to High School) which involved arranging the elements of the show, putting them together, sourcing resources, writing things to say etc. and then actually going up on stage to host the event. Literally days before it was due to take place, the staff of the College (Who had been, up till this point, entirely fine with everything and had greenlit every move along the way) suddenly started asking for various changes, most of which related to taking things they saw as controversial out - even those I'd already had them agree to and prepared for. Annoyingly, this included things like nonacademic awards which would have made the show a bit more funny and lively. More aggravatingly, they also suddenly told me - with something like two hours to go before I went onstage - that they wanted the academic awards to be shown onscreen only (set to music) and not read out awards-show style. This despite the fact I'd had them agree to doing it the awards show way twice. Including the day before. I felt that since most of the variety I'd had in the show had been lost, another segment which was all sitting watching the screen whilst listening to music (I'd filled out the show with photo montages) was going to be dull - especially since this one would last more than ten

minutes. In the end, the show must go on, so I poured my heart into making what was left of my vision for the event great, but I was left thinking about what might have been. In my head, it had been way more exciting.

ExiledToTheCouch * ThisTroper has promised himself that he would leave any woman who even tries this with him, or has even the least tendency towards viewing men as TheUnfairSex for that matter. * Strangely enough, I'm only 14 and I've already been exiled to the couch. Wanna know why? It's because our maid doesn't have a room. * Subverted: With my parents they sometime sleep on the couch. Not because they were banished, but because they both snore and sometimes keep each other awake. ** Similarly my mother regularly falls asleep on the sofa and stays there for most of the time until she wakes up and goes to bed (annoying my father in the process) ** Happens with this troper's family as well. ** This troper's father ''always'' falls asleep on the couch, and hasn't been in the same bed as my mother (at least at home) in about two decades, which is fine by mom as he snores terribly. Ironically, he's the one who got the bed in the first place, after my aunt said it was great for back problems. *** This troper's father has done the same thing forever, but he suspects that snoring is not the sole cause of it. ** This (same as above) troper's roommate was exiled to the couch when his [[MegaNeko cat]] caught fleas from his ''other'' roommate, and later when there was too many people in that room and too few beds (he was able to move back in later). ** My dad would sleep on the couch on a hot summer night. The couch is cool and VERY comfortable. ** I had a friend whose dad ALWAYS slept on the couch. It started with him snoring so loud that it kept the friend's mom awake, but eventually he ended up sleeping there and never really stopping. ** This troper's dad is a theatre critic. On nights he has to file on deadline (generally around twice a week), he doesn't get home until about 1AM and sleeps on the couch so as to not wake up my mom. ** This troper's dad also sleeps on the couch due to snoring that, in my mind, is on par with a blender. * [[{{Seanette}} I've]] also experienced this subversion, either by exiling my husband or by moving to the couch myself (depends on who's most in need of more comfortable sleeping arrangements). The only problem here is that if I'm on the couch, our [[MegaNeko cat]] joins me, sleeping on the arm next to my head, and he snores too. My parents-in-law also dealt with this, with MIL moving to the guest bedroom if necessary. Sinus problems are very common in my husband's family, with the side effect that he, his father, and his brother are/were all champion snorers. * Whenever I have my girlfriend over on weekends and I have to work the next day, I'll occasionally exile ''myself'' to the couch simply because she snores like a damn jackhammer. Despite the sticky nose

strip things she uses to prevent it. The relevance to the trope is that the first time I did it, it was inverted when she woke up to try and get me to come back to bed and I told her no, you snore, I can't sleep, and I have to wake up in...2 1/2 hours. * This troper has exiled himself to the couch a few times because he shares his room with his brother and had to wake up really early. * Again, like every other entry a subversion, This troper's girlfriend falls asleep and falls asleep hard, so when I feel ready to go to sleep and want to bring her to bed...well, it tends to end with me throwing my arms up and going to sleep alone. * This troper is highly neurotic about her sleeping environment. She cannot sleep in silent darkness and has a problem with insomnia. This once resulted in, when staying at a friend's house, exile to the ''hallway.'' * Inverted or subverted or something by this troper, who sometimes threatens to exile ''herself'' to the couch. The fact that the couch is in the room with all the nifty computers and game consoles and such within is strictly incidental... unfortunately, troperette's husband believes the best way to combat insomnia is to lie motionless, silent, and bored to death in bed. Sigh. ** Were you thinking of [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean another cure]]? * This troper is chronic insomniac whose boyfriend sleeps lightly and LOUDLY. She often exiles herself to the couch to get away from the noise and to avoid waking him up by tossing and turning. * Inverted with my mother who exiled me to my bed when she said that the family wasn't allowed to sleep on the couch. * Subverted: my dad actually takes naps on a couch he explicitely purchased for said purpose. It's for health reasons since he's got problems in his legs and often he finds couch napping comfier than sleeping on a bed. * This troper sleeps alone, but ''still'' found himself exiled to the couch when weather requires (the room is above an unheated garage, and the cat has a habit of ripping holes in the window cover during the winter). Also, as the above troper, sometimes sleeps on the couch for circulation purposes. ** I'm 99.2% certain you're [[JET73L me]] [[WriteBackToTheFuture from a couple of years ago]] (the .5% because it's [[UnknownTroper unsigned]], and the .3% because there's no space after the asterisk). Since the troper kept getting exiled back to bed (well, back to mattress, I have no bedframe since my sister's fell apart and she was given mine because I'm too tall to lie straight on a bed with both headboard bars and footboard bars) due to an inability of the troper's mother to compromise between letting the troper wear earplugs and use the loud alarm clock, letting the troper wear earplugs and waking the troper up, and not dropping pots and pans on the kitchen floor, the troper now sleeps on the (pull-out) couch in the basement. * This troper's boyfriend once exiled ''himself'' to the couch when ''he'' thought he'd done something wrong. The troper was annoyed because it resulted in one of those vicious guilt cycles ("I feel bad because you feel bad"), and it was hard to fall asleep without him, which didn't improve anyone's mood. * My father sleeps on the couch all the time, because his sinus

problems no longer allow him to sleep properly on the bed. Technically, he has nobody to exile him, since he is divorced, but even when Mom was living in the house he slept on the couch 3/4ths of the time. * My sister snores. Loud enough to rattle the door and is clearly audible in a surprising number of rooms. I sleep on the sofa bed in the living room now. * Subverted. This troper used to sleep on a couch for three straight years, and to this day refuses to sleep in his bed, taking the floor or the couch every night. * This troper slept on the couch on her family's beach vacation for six years, as due to a room shortage otherwise she would have had to sleep in the same bed as her brother and there was no ''f#%@ing'' way that was going to happen. ** Can you hear that? It's the [[{{IncestSubtext}} shippers.]] They're coming [[{{DieForOurShip}} for you.]] ** DudeNotFunny. ** This troper found it pretty funny actually. * Me, in my own friggin' apartment. When my dad is in town, he stays with me, and I get booted out of my own bedroom, which wouldn't be so bad except that he's HERE ALL THE TIME! * This Troper has been threatened by his sigoth to "go sleep in the bathtub". This sentence has been carried out once, to date. * Defied and Inverted. Nobody takes [[{{CommandoDude}} This Troper's]] bed, guests? They can have the couch. But it helps there's a spare bed hidden under my own. Also, I'll frequently sleep in my Mom's bed because sleeping on mine too much makes it hard to sleep, thus exiling HER to the couch (Except she sleeps there like 3/4 of the time anyways). * [[Tropers/ZiggyStardustForever This troper]] was once exiled to the couch for ''an entire month'', when her second cousin came to visit for work reasons. This days, however, it's usually her sister who gets exiled when company comes over. Thank goodness... * This (single) Troper finds it so easy to fall asleep on his couch that he keeps a spare alarm clock in the living room just in case. * This troper lives in a very small flat with one bed. Her boyfriend and his HeterosexualLifePartner were forced to move in with her after the building they lived in experienced a very nasty broken gas main and a few [[StuffBlowingUp explosions.]] (Don't ask.) Before her boyfriend decided to invade her bed, he slept on the couch and HLP took a camping mattress or the bathtub. " ''It's a very comfortable tub!'' " became a RunningGag. * This troper's boyfriend exiled himself to the couch after doing his laundry early in the morning before our friends and we went for an anime convention. Why? He zonked out on the couch before he could get back upstairs.' * This troper has been exiled to the couch by his mother. It turns out her new apartment only has two bedrooms and I know from experience how horribly sharing a bed with my brother will fail. ---Go back to ExiledToTheCouch, and don't expect any sympathy. ----

<<|TroperTales|>>

ExplainExplainOhCrap * A mild version: When I got a shot I put a bandaid with medication on because it looked infected. When explaining it, I got to 'looked' before I ripped it off. Well I don't think we should put a link back because they could just click on the... [[ExplainExplainOhCrap Oh...]]

ExplodingSheep * Though the actual occurence of a livestock related detonation was missed, the potential is [[http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w130/allergyboy/SheepDetector.jpg certainly there.]] * This troper is a farmer. Dead sheep with a heavy wool coat after it has rained on the hottest, humidest day in July? BOOM. Pops like a balloon full of maggots and fetid flesh. That's how we found it after several days of searching. * Anybody that plays a DnD game with this troper as the DM fears any livestock, and in particular sheep, for the possibility of nearby wizards. * [[GoMadFromTheRevelation ''...THERE IS A TROPER TALES PAGE FOR EXPLODING SHEEP!?'' ]] * Not sheep, but this troper has been present when a cow exploded. The cow got stuck on its back in a ditch, unable to right itself, for several days in the hot sun (it was a range pasture and no one noticed the cow was missing for a while). Unable to eructate, the gas in the rumen built up until the cow's belly exploded. We heard the explosion back at the barn. What was left was...not pretty. Apparently this is a risk for farmers in certain areas. ---Go back to ExplodingSheep. Carefully. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ExpospeakGag * Actual conversation between This Troper and his sister, who is married to a turkish man and whos daughter has just started to speak (although, in all fairness, he ''was'' speaking in swedish and still used the word ''bi-lingual''). ---> ''-So is she bi-lingual or what?'' ---> ''-Excuse me?'' ---> ''-Um... does she speak turkish?'' ---> ''-Well, she understands it, and it freaks me out.'' * As a science fair project intended to test people's gullibility, a

middle school student started a petition to ban the dangerous chemical "dihydrogen monoxide" from the school cafeteria on the grounds that its solid form can cause tissue damage through prolonged exposure, it is the key ingredient in acid rain, and can kill if inhaled. It's [[spoiler:water, or "H[-2-]O."]] ** This editor actually managed to pull this prank on his creative writing teacher. ** Gave a speech about it in a ''college-level'' debate class. Got an A. Teacher never caught on she was being mocked. Wish I were kidding. ** This editor pulled it off in an English class. Where we were discussing ''AnimalFarm'' and Orwellian DoubleSpeak. ** This one pulled it off in poli-sci; it works in pretty much any class except chemistry, really. ** This one pulled it off in chemistry: she, being the head student in the honors chem class, was invited to give a guest 'lecture' about how chemistry applies to everyday life. The science teacher, who's forte was not chemistry, didn't catch on until about halfway through the speech. *** But someone still caught on. It works best when no one realizes the ruse until you let them in on it. ** [[PennAndTeller Penn & Teller]] pulled it off for an episode of their skeptic show "[[PennAndTellerBullshit Bullshit!]]" ** This troper usually prefers using the term hydrogen hydroxide, as most acids are hydrogen whatever, and most bases are whatever hydroxide, water has a neutral pH so I've pulled this off in my biology class (my chemistry teacher caught on after a small while, but I got her with the oxygen gag) ** "Dihydrogen monoxide" works better, though, because it sounds creepier, given that the only other "monoxide" people are aware of is carbon monoxide. In general you can come up with plenty of situations where a political campaign subtly alters the actual correct scientific terminology for something in order to make it sound worse (or better; see the insistance of using ''fetus'' when the word any expectant mother would use is ''child''). *** Um, 'fetus' ''is'' the correct scientific terminology as opposed to 'child', so your point appears to have been turned on its head... ** This troper uses "hydroxylic acid". Again, exactly the same thing, but sounds just as scary if not more so ''and you can fool the people who already know about dihydrogen monoxide''. ** Like most students, I used this as the subject for an english creative speaking oral I hadn't prepared for. Don't know if the teacher got it or not, but I got top marks. My favourite line is "*insert pet name here* has been shown to be a performance-enhancing drug and many athletes freely admit to taking it before or even during competitions. Furthermore, in many school students are not only permitted but actively encouraged to ingest it during exams and exam study to improve their result." ** Did it as a presentation in english class- none of the audience, all of whom took chemistry, caught on. ** The very first event of this troper's ninth grade science class was this. The teacher handed out a sheet detailing the horrors and dangers of dihydrogen monoxide, leading to many (including this troper) to get

outraged at its continued existence. Most of the class fell for it, and the worst part is that it was an enriched science class. *** In the same vein, A heated debate in This Tropers newspaper about whether you should shorten the dosage in prescription-free medicals to doses that isn't deadly if you take them all in one pretty much [[IncrediblyLamePun died]] when someone pointed out that ''water'' is lethal if you gulp down eight litres [sorry Anglo-Saxons] of it in one gulp. ** Someone tried this on me, and I reversed it on them by telling them about the dangers of Oxide. *** That's an incorrect term, if you're referring to oxygen. Oxides are any kind of material where dioxygen has reacted with a reducer to produce a toxic salt which can mechanically cause further reactions with reducers to produce more of itself. (In other words: rust. More generally, any salt where the negatively charged part is oxygen). * The Oxygen Gag: the most sinister of poisons, where in amounts as small as 1 mL people can die, but the more you have the more slowly you die, withering away in a very slow and agonizing process comparable to aging. The toxin? Oxygen of course. * Solanum lycopersicum (Wolf-peach) is a perennial nightshade plant native to Mexico. It is famous for being related to the bittersweet nightshade (S. dulcamara) and deadly nightshade (Atropa belladonna), both of which are also poisonous. It usually grows to a meter-long vine, has star-shaped yellow flowers and produces a large amount of red berries. All parts of the plant contain solanine, a highly poisonous alkaloid. Since there have been documented cases of children dying from solanine poisonings, eating S. lycopersicum is not recommended. A picture of the plant is here: http://tinyurl.com/64ubfk ** This troper wondered if you were going for Expospeak or a TomatoSurprise with that one. *[[http://www.instantrimshot.com/ rimshot]]* * My theater teacher once explained that he had to 'obtain and replace an electromagnetic emitter' ...that is to say 'change a lightbulb.' * In high school, this editor once referred to an obnoxious jock at a lunch table as a "masticating homo sapien" and only avoided a pummeling when a teacher intervened. Upon learning what I had said, the teacher advised me that it wasn't nice to play with them like that. ** The phrase "masticating thespians" came up more than once during lunch breaks for this editor's middle school play rehearsals. ** [[GwenStacyWannabe This troper]]'s honors English teacher is legendary for having told one boy (who was chewing gum in a rather loud fashion) "WILL YOU STOP MASTICATING IN MY CLASSROOM?!" HilarityEnsues. ** Someone tried that on me once, asking, "Do you masticate?" My reply was "only when I eat." * This troper once almost got creamed in the sixth grade for telling a bully "What, do you find it detrimental to your masculinity?" and then being forced, after a blank stare, to explain "It means 'harmful to your manliness', bonehead." ** This is why you Don't Explain The Joke. * ThisTroper is particularly fond of the phrase "I am an elastic

hydrocarbon polymer and you are an adhesive compound, your statements are repelled from my surface and bonded to your's." ** Do you watch TheBigBangTheory, by any chance? *** Yes, but what does that have to do with anything? * This troper often uses sodium chloride and ammonium chloride in place of the common names for the chemicals. He also nearly always refers hydrochloric acid as hydrogen chloride. ** You should be careful about the last one: there is a chemical difference between hydrochloric acid and hydrogen chloride. Unless you are careful enough to clarify the latter as "aqueous", you are actually talking about the form of HCl that is gaseous at room temperature. If you aren't careful around an informed jackass, like me, you will trip up there. * Once, at an Academic Team tournament (essentially a team-based, school sponsored trivia challenge), this Troper's team and their opponents were asked something along the lines of "What portion of the spectrum of visible light is most prevalent in our sky?" Every participant sat there, bewildered, looking at one another. All of our glances said the same thing: "Did he just ask us what color the sky is?" Finally, one of the aforementioned troper's teammates buzzed in with a bewildered "Blue?" Ten points. * [[PotatoBucket This troper]], who works the night shift at a major international retailer that rhymes with "stalwart", was in receiving one night only to see a giant spider prop for Halloween hung up on a cart for lugging around stock. So he told the receiving manager "I see you have a brobdingnagian arachnid affixed to your conveyance." He gave himself kudos for working the word "brobdingnagian" into ordinary conversation. * This troper has a natural tendency to use more technical and varied language under stress. Nobody ever believes that it's an accident. * After hearing that [[TheManShow Adam Corolla]] once convinced over 1,000 women to [[WhatAnIdiot sign a petition]] for ending women's suffrage, this troper attempted to do the same. He got about 25 signatures before a teacher ruined the joke. * When we starting dating, [[{{BryceBryans}} I]] affectionately called by girlfriend, "Mollusk Slobber". She got it, others within earshot did not. ** Uh, "Snail Mucus"? "Octopus Spit?" Not getting that. *** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Pearls]] * Once in school, when I was being bullied by girls, I punched one of them between breasts (lightly, because I had no idea how much it would hurt, and still don't). She was stunned for a few seconds, enough for me to use the confusion and escape, and then blurted out, "Don't touch my mammary glands!" * Subverted with This Troper: Frequently, people will try to pretend to be as smart as me by throwing out random math terms (and occasionally random chemistry terms) but they always end up looking like total idiots. Notable examples include: ** When I was asked to multiply ten times 30 in my head, which somebody thought was no big deal. He then asked me to multiply 10 thousand by 30 thousand, and when I answered correctly he was impressed.

** The phrase "multiply by the cube root of X pi/0 plus pig to the 4X" actually became a meme for a while. Or, rather, we mocked it with increasingly stupid expressions until only I could actually remember it. Stuff like that happens all the time. ** When doing a group project in English, somebody starting rambling about, I shit you not, a 400 pound Darth Vader as the idea I would probably think of for the project. I promptly left the group, wrote my own story (which the teacher, who has no taste or at the very least doesn't want to criticize anybody who doesn't do anything against her moral values, loved), and they wrote a story that raped the English language and knocked off the Magic Schoolbus's "travel through the human body" plot, except very, very badly. ** One person asked me what "disulfitite kryptonium" multiplied by 3x was. When I said there wasn't an answer, he called me stupid. Cue me tutoring him on naming conventions, the fact you can't get an answer for an expression, and all the other things wrong with that. ** There are more examples, but I feel like I've lowered everybodies faith in humanity enough. *** Half of these have nothing to do with Expospeak, though. **** Shush, he's telling us how awesome he is. * Not sure where we picked it up, but a long-running meme in my circle has been playing this off classic songs. The ur-example would be "My friends and I, together, share as our domicile a [[YellowSubmarine mid-spectrum double-hulled submersible vessel of war]]". ** Maybe from [[http://bash.org/?7848 bash.org]]: "The carbonmetabolizing physical presence that currently houses my conscious and those physical manifestations of my comrades all possess as our common residential abode the interior of a mid-visible spectrum double hulled buoyancy controlled ship of war!" *** Okay, that ''needs'' to be a song. * An acutal quote from [[TheAdversary me]] is "Everyone underestimates brute force because it has the word 'brute' in it. They should rename it something classy like 'Explosive Management of Muscular Resources'". * [[@/HersheleOstropoler This troper]] has talked about "gomiti in ''sauce mornay''." Kraft sells it in a blue box in the US. * [[DialgaX This troper]] once insulted someone by calling them a polar body. The joke is that [[spoiler: a polar body is a cell that is produced during oogenesis. It has no other purpose beyond serving as a dump for the excess DNA so that the single egg produced from oogenesis would be haploid. These bodies eventually degenerate. Thus, it is a biology related way of calling someone useless.]] * [[LeighSabio This Troper]]'s psychology textbook posed the rhetorical question "If indeed endorphins lessen pain and boost mood, why not flood the brain with artificial opiates, thereby intensifying the brain's own 'feel-good' chemistry." Yes, that's right. This Troper's textbook advocates [[spoiler: getting high]]. ** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint But most methods of achieving metaphorical elevation involve naturally occurring opiates.]] * {{Excel-2010}}. I convinced my dad to allow me to go to an anime convention by telling him I was going to attend a "Technology in Culture" Symposium and that I should go since I'm a film student,

after all. My internal justification: They have expensive projectors there. * Several decades ago, this troper's dad was once at a university where the computer science and engineering department faculty wanted a color TV for the faculty lounge, but they knew they couldn't possibly get anybody in charge to approve using the department's money to buy a TV. So they wrote up a proposal to buy a "RGB Multi-Purpose Cathode Ray Tube." It was approved. * [[GamerFromJump This troper]] got to use one against some obnoxious [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment Campus Socialists]]: ---> "You may, in fact, take your verified-broken system, and go forth to perform anatomically-improbable auto-intercourse." ** Made my day. * This troper is still waiting for an opportunity to use "I should be greatly obliged if you would perish in a conflagration." * This troper sometimes does this without meaning to. Almost always, one person nearby will ask "What does that mean?" I read a lot, so it's understandable. ** Same here. I can confuse people with six syllable words. Or I can aggrivate the neural synapses pertaining to translation of atrocious words of one syllable. * When he was in high school, this troper was able to justify having parties in classes by describing them to teachers as "valuable educational opportunities providing hands-on experience in exchanging ideas across vastly different cultural lines" (or something to that effect, I was honestly just making things up as I went). One teacher who didn't speak English all that well approved immediately. [[{{Understatement}} When they found out, the school administration was not amused.]] * This troper once walked into the kitchen on his nephew's birthday carrying a "Heated solution of sodium bicarbonate, ground chaff, sucrose, protein and raw fat adorned with inflammible wax scupltures" * [[Tropers/MegTheMaggot I]] desperately wish for an occasion to say, "'Blunt force trauma caused by repeated and forceful applications of a standard-issue entrenching tool.' 'What?' 'Shovel to the face, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch Bit]][[SophisticatedAsHell ch!]]'" On second thought, maybe not. ** [[MisterAlways In my stumbling upon this anecdote]], I first got the notion I had left it myself at an earlier point on the timeline, but then realized, with no small chuckle, that I would not have thought twice about performing this particular action. * [[Tropers/DeathToSquishies This troper]] has come across a math problem before. Namely, 10i + 6 < 6 + 30u. There are multiple ways to express this problem, many trickier to solve, but when you do figure it out, the answer amounts to [[spoiler:i<3u]]. * [[{{Tropers/MisterVercetti}} This Troper]] once used [[{{Portal}} Aperture Science]] in an example of a SQL Injection Attack during a class presentation, utilizing a fictitious "Forgot Password" page. In true Aperture style, he called it "the Aperture Science High-Bandwidth Archived Credential Recovery Annex... or in LaymansTerms, the Forgot Password page". * A conversation from earlier today:

-->'''Friend 1:''' We're fucked! -->'''Friend 2:''' Language! -->'''Friend 1:''' Oh. Sorry. We're sexual intercoursed! ---The hypertext anchor in most immediate proximity to the full stop which completes this sentence shall return you to ExpospeakGag. ----

Expy * This troper has written a short story in which a whole society of detectives who only go by surnames try to solve the massacre of a new money family. What are their names, exactly? [[JamesDean Dean]], [[ElvisPresley Presley]], [[MarilynMonroe Monroe]], [[FrankSinatra Sinatra]], [[JohnWayne Wayne]], and [[MarlonBrando Brando]]. * This troper is utterly unshamed of the fact that she has a graphic novel in the works (which will be published. In a few... years...) wherein most of the cast are Expies. The QuirkyMinibossSquad takes this to the extreme - they're all freakish hybrids of the CaptainErsatz, {{Expy}}, CanonImmigrant (yeah... long story involving a Mega Crossover Fan Fic), Lawyer Friendly Cameo, and Spin Offspring tropes. They're all implied to be the (admitted biologically impossible. Let's just say AWizardDidIt) half-clones of [[KingdomHearts Organization XIII's]] members. What's more, they've had memories of their respective "parents" copied into them, a la [[MagicalGirlLyricalNanoha Fate Testarossa and other Project F children]], albeit subconsciously, in an attempt to "pre-program" them. It doesn't go as planned, but you still have the Larxene-Axel clone (called "Larxel") stopping herself from using Axel's CatchPhrase from time to time. I'm gonna go ahead and give bonus points to Nami, the "daughter" of Namine and Roxas, as I've discovered she can look remarkably like either parent depending on the camera angle. * This troper confesses that his current original fiction project includes a ''lot'' of expies from a work he is planning on getting published some day. Much is the same, including names, some elements of their fighting style, and mannerisms. However, most have ended up being antagonists. ** Isn't that more of CaptainErsatz? *** No. * In this troper's works, there is usually a dogmatic idiot, the most recent is much more [[CompleteMonster monstrous]] than others: Richard Viandas. Very good with a sword: check. Dogmatic in the belief in a single morality to the exclusion of all others: check. WILL give a CharacterFilibuster: check. He is [[spoiler: an expy of Richard Rahl, but the way the anti fans see him.]] I will admit, he did end up quite unique by the end, having grown out of his character mold. * This troper has done the same with his creations. His latest fiction project The Voyage Of Dr M has his various enemies from the website Amiright as the bad guys and their characters are Expies of different creatures from greek mythology. * [[{{Nomic}} This troper]] sometimes recycles characters from his older stories, and he very often uses the same names again, although

not always for a similar person/thing. For example, 2/3 of the main cast in a comic he's working on (I swear, it'll be done eventually!) are expies of characters from an early version of the comic that he later retooled into the current one, and the last character is essentially two characters from the original comic combined into one. ** [[{{Ronnie}} This troper]] is similar. The protagonists of 2 his story ideas are also the protagonist's only friend in the other, so that either could be made (these are for screenplays) and the other could be pitched easily as a spin-off if the first did well. * Many of the heroes in one of this troper's stories are from previous discontinued stories of his. He even unconsciously modeled [[TheHero The Hero]] and [[TheAragorn The Aragorn]] after the main characters of some of the first real stories he created when he was a little kid. * [[RobertBingham This troper]] played a lot of characters in PlayByPostGames, and will sometimes base characters in his stories off both them and the NPC villains and love interests from the games in question. Sometimes he likes to combine traits of previous characters into new ones. * The character designs for several of [[AXavierB this troper's]] projects have all been expies in some form. The original character design for one of the main characters in an in-progress game of mine looked almost exactly like a recolor of Zelda. Luckily, I seem to be getting better at averting this. * [[{{Dukia}} This troper]] expies her older characters all the time, to the point where it can almost be said that she has StockCharacters of her own and that her characters are a CommediaDellArteTroupe. One of said characters is an expy of her dad, sharing with him the same physical appearance, personality, birth date, and [[PersonalityBloodTypes blood type]]. * [[CrazyHand This Troper]] seems to be an expy of {{Chris Claremont}} in my attempts at writing. I have a thing for {{Action Girl}}s and {{Hot Amazon}}s and I have multiple plot threads which there is no chance in hell I'll follow up on. * This troper expies only one character in all of the games he's been in or is GMing for, a Russian [[PsychoForHire mercenary]] posing as a bike messenger. It works out remarkably well, and has led to speculation by others about a multiverse. * OK, the time has come: this troper has accepted he is an expy of Light Yagami * This troper has a female friend who is very much like [[LuckyStar Konata Izumi]]. * This troper has a friend named Marisa, who looks exactly like [[http://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/File:Th075marisa01.png Marisa Kirisame]] of Touhou Project, and has the same personality, to the point where I seriously wouldn't be surprised at all if she used Master Spark on someone. * [[@/{{Yarrunmace}} This Troper]] tends to make expies unintentionally. For example, a character in planning is a boy who decides to swear himself to chivalry and become a paladin in the distant future where they no longer exist, making a fool of himself in the process. A week ago, I learned of the existence of DonQuixote. ** ItGotWorse. A main character is a hero who's pretty unattractive

with a theme concerning animals who comes from Canada. And I swear, upon my life, that I don't even like {{Wolverine}}! I barely even watched/read XMen! * This troper looks quite like William Tecumseh Sherman. * This troper is notorious for attempting expy characters in RPG campaigns, like her flesh golem fighter in [=DnD=] that had black leather armour and [[{{Edward Scissorhands}} bladed fingers ]] as her weapon, in Vampire the Masquerade she was tempted to play a a Malkavian who has an obsessive compulsive desire [[{{Sesame Street}} for numeration ]] and weather control (one, two three, thee zombies, ah ah ah! *lightning flash*)) * RadioactiveZombie has... ** Glenstone - A [[{{Terminator}} T-800]], [[MetalGear Ninja Raiden]], [[FullMetalPanic Sousuke Sagara]], [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Rei Ayanami]], and [[MetalGear Null]] CaptainErsatz. Stars in [[{{DarthWiki/Infected}} his zombie novel]] and a military fiction action-comedy he's still planning. ** Dover - What happens when you mix The Joker and Deadpool and make him a good guy. He's in DarthWiki/Shadowrun and some short stories he's cooked up. ** A shy CuteShotaroBoy. Named in his zombie story as "Alistair" and is nothing special, except being a ChildSoldier (he was accidentally thrown in with the other soldiers due to papers being screwed up). In his Fallout 3 story, he's a SuperSoldier with extremely advanced PowerArmor. Their personalities and looks are the same, except that Alistair has shorter hair and looks somewhat different. * He also does this for different RPs, usually with some modifications to a stock of characters he has. * [[MmmKay This troper]] make tons of Expies, when they're not already Captain Ersatzs. A character of mine, [[NamedAfterSomebodyFamous Terrance]] [[HoratioHornblower Horatio]] [[HollywoodMeaningfulName Hornblower]], is an appearance expy of [[HalfLife Dr. Kleiner]] with a [[ArtShift cartoonish body]] and a personality expy of [[TheMuppetShow Doctor Bunsen Honeydew]] with elements of [[JamesBond Q]], [[{{Rugrats}} Stu Pickles]], and [[TheGuild Vork]]. Terrance's [[HotScientist attractive lab assistant]], Jane, is an sorta expy of [[MythBusters Kari Byron]] but is more of a CaptainErsatz of... ''[[SelfInsertFic me]]''... * [[{{Morraeon}}This Troper]] borrowed ideas and a few character concepts from Storm Constantine's Grigori trilogy for an ambitious NeonGenesisEvangelion fanfic series, including one character named Enniel Prussoe who became the faux French Enniel Prussot. When she started writing the series, her Enniel was supposed to be an {{Expy}} of the Merovingian from TheMatrixReloaded; he ended up as an Expy of Muraki from YamiNoMatsuei. * A lot of this troper's female message board/MUD RP characters fall into two basic archetypes- "The [[TheLegendOfZeldaLinksAwakening Marin]]" (the sweet, musical type) and "The Cute Little Girl" (ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin). So far I haven't managed to make a little girl singer character but it's only a matter of time. * This troper has a classmate who is an expy of Elliot from {{Scrubs}}. She's cute, squeaky and hyper with quite the neurotic

streak but is also a very competent student (as well as a good actress). She even says [[UnusualEuphemism "frick"]] when upset or distressed. * According to my friends, [[Tropers/TheTallOne I]] am an Expy of [[TeamFortress2 The Pyro.]] Androgynous, check. Handy with an axe, check. Searing hatred of the French, check. Tendency to mumble; a loner; and, well, a {{Pyromaniac}}. Check, check, and check. * While this troper's characters unconsciously fall into SavvyGuyEnergeticGirl partnerships as a rule, one pair became so like another that she changed the (perceived) gender of one of them, so [[ReallySevenHundredYearsOld Jillian]] and [[MadScientist Hagrissa]] would be more distinct from [[TheLinus Antonio]] and [[TricksterMentor Red]]. Both of the former are boyish, yet highly intelligent children who needed to leave their families and live with the latter of the pair, who are their current caretakers and who got where they are today through the traits they are trying to instill in their wards. * Here is what Generation III Pokemon this troper thinks are expies and what older ones he thinks they are expies of. ** Wurmple: Caterpie and Weedle ** Silcoon: Metapod ** Beautifly: Butterfree ** Cascoon: Kakuna ** Dustox: Beedrill ** Poochyena: Rattata ** Mightyena: Raticate ** Tailow: Pidgey ** Swellow: Pidgeot ** Zigzagoon: Spearow ** Linoone: Fearow ** Ralts: Nidoran (Female) ** Kirlia: Nidorina ** Crawduant: Kingler ** Bagon, Beldum, Slakoth: Dratini. ** Salmence: Dragonite and Tyranitar * [[Tropers/HoshiKami This Troper]] sees [[HigurashiNoNakuKoroNi Rika Furude]] in herself. Likes to comfort others, has cute VerbalTic ("Nipah~" being one of them), [[spoiler: acting like an adult when alone, acting realy dark sometimes and scaring everyone, and not believing ScrewDestiny]]. In other notes, my physics teacher came yesterday with a toy gun. I saw [[TeamFortress2 The Medic]] standing there. Same coat, same glasses, same gun, same ''everything''. * This Troper goes to the same anime club as a guy who looks sort of like VicMignogna, as well as compares himself, personality wise, to [[HaruhiSuzumiya Haruhi]] [post CharacterDevelopment that is, this troper, despite being a CardCarryingVillain ([[AlternateCharacterInterpretation though most claim]] ChaoticNeutral), [[EvenEvilHasLovedOnes cares for his friends and family]] [[AlternateCharacterInterpretation and views himself as a]] [[CardCarryingVillain card carrying]] AffablyEvil NobleDemon [[EvenEvilHasStandards with standards]]]. * My cousin, who's a budding manga authour/illustrator was once playing Persona4. Her reaction to seeing Yosuke?

-->Her: Holy crap, it's Jin! -->Me: Who? -->Her: A character from Paradox [her book]! -->Me: No, that's Yosuke Hanamura. -->Her: No, look! (draws Jin) -->Me: Wow, that's... wait... uh, Mely, do you see that furry bit on his jacket? -->Her: Yeah? -->Me: ''Yosuke has a jacket exactly like that.'' [brings up picture on the computer] See? -->Her: ''WHAT?!'' * This troper's current [[Literature/DestructiveHarmonics writing project]] is centered around a band that can be considered, roughly, a gender-swapped, {{Race Lift}}ed (in a few instances) {{Expy}} of [[{{Metalocalypse}} Dethklok]]. There's the tall burly brunette lead vocalist/lyricist, the skinny blond Scandinavian guitar virtuoso, the drummer with inhuman resistance to almost any intoxicant known to man, the cranky Type A tsundere KnifeNut, the cute blue-eyed AdultChild foreigner who doesn't get a lot of respect, and the long-suffering manager/TeamMom. The correspondence breaks down a little when you get to the finer details of their personalities and backstories (the cute blue-eyed foreigner is a Canadian with dead parents instead of a Norwegian with abusive ones), and with most of the supporting characters (their chef isn't a French zombie). * This troper once played a (female) [[{{Metalocalypse}} Toki Wartooth]] Expy in a RogueTrader game. She was a Moritat Assassin and the party's token {{moe}}blob. She had brown hair and blue eyes, came from a perpetually-wintry DeathWorld with a vaguely Nordic name, and had an implicitly traumatic childhood complete with [[TheFundamentalist Redemptionist clergy]] parents and lots of carrying boxes uphill in the snow. She normally had a cheerful, childlike disposition, but was capable of unleashing massive violence when she felt like it. ** In a {{Pathfinder}} campaign with the same group, one of this troper's friends played an expy of [[{{Pokemon}} Pikachu]]: a yellowhaired [[ShockAndAwe Stormborn bloodline]] sorcerer who could only say [[PokemonSpeak her name]] and the verbal components of spells due to a form of psychosomatic mutism. (Yes, ths friend is TheRoleplayer.) * for some reason this tropers freinds have likend him to Able from DMFA, I personaly hate it. which makes me more like him, and, well its a viciouse cycle. * This troper conciously tries to avoid expys in his writing. Albeit, he is very willing to throw in shout outs. He's currently working on stories that are basically his lover letters to different Victorian fiction genres, so it's bound to come up. * I created some expy in tabletop RPG I play... a ShrinkingViolet, with [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes insectophobia, androphobia,]] [[spoiler: a phobia for bows]], and [[spoiler:[[FireEmblemElibe a pegasus]]]] for a mount. A [[HalfLife kickass scientist with a crowbar]] would be too

obvious, so I'll settle for an [[CommandAndConquer israeli ex mossad]] [[TheEngineer demolition expert/mechanic]] in a modern/sci-fi setting. * This Troper is making a BackyardSports movie, where I transfer the personalities of famous rock musicians (well, mostly the {{Beatles}} and their friends, [[AuthorAppeal because I love, love,]] ''[[AuthorAppeal love]]'' TheBeatles), [[ParentalBonus who some parents know and love]], into the backyard kids themselves, who some kids know and love. Before you say NoJustNo, remember that I am a CloudCuckooLander overlapped with the StrangeGirl. ** PaulMcCartney is [[WideEyedIdealist Tony Delvecchio.]] *** The other Beatles members are similar backyard kids, like [[CuteMute Jorge Garcia]] and [[{{Kuudere}} Achmed Khan.]] ** YokoOno is [[{{Tsundere}} Vicki Kawaguchi.]] ** [[{{Music.Wings}} Linda McCartney]] is [[MoeMoe Ashley Webber.]] ** Heather Mills is [[TheDitz Sidney Webber]], but this is later in the movie, after [[spoiler: [[TearJerker Jorge, Sam, Ashley, and Achmed die.]]]] Whether or not the filmmakers will let me use this as an ending is debatable, [[HappilyEverBefore but I'll cut it short if it's unacceptable.]] [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids It's for]] ''[[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids kids]]'', [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids for goodness sake]]! ** Billy Preston becomes [[CloudCuckooLander Ernie Steele.]] ** Not to mention EltonJohn as [[TheSmartGuy Dmitri Petrovich]], Cynthia Lennon as [[{{Yandere}} Angela Delvecchio]], Maureen Starkey as [[{{Moe}} Samantha Pearce]], May Pang as [[TomBoy Luanne Lui]]... ** I'm also having George Martin "played" by Matthew Broderick. (Technically, I don't have a picture of him, but he's an UnclePennybags butler (yes, he's [[spoiler: Jorge's]] butler.) ** Let's not forget this troper's character: Brian Epstein as Patricia Broderick! (Like her dad, but ElegantGothicLolita.) ** Earlier in the movie, Stuart Sutcliffe, [[LeftBeforeTheyGotFamous who died before The Beatles became popular]], is [[IllBoy Amir Khan.]] ** [[ThePeteBest Pete Best]] is [[IllBoy Mikey Thomas]], also, someone who hates Mikey [[ReplacementScrappy getting replaced by Joey]] holds up a sign in the movie saying [[TakeThat "Mikey Thomas forever! Joey? Never!"]] ** Neil Aspinall, {{the Beatles}}' second manager, is Cindy Broderick [[spoiler: (known as Patricia around the other kids, because the real Patricia dies from a bad head injury, because she bumped her head on the recording studio celiing, because she's a HugeSchoolgirl, because...ItsALongStory.) She also adopts her personality.]] ** [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiki_Dee Kiki Dee]], the woman who sang with EltonJohn, is [[{{Meganekko}} Lisa Crockett.]] * This troper has some OCs that are Expies in terms of appearances. Phil is an exact expy of Silvers Rayleigh from One Piece, Aria is an expy of Minna Dietlinde-Wilcke from Strike Witches, Aki is an expy of Tsubaki from Soul Eater, Ageha is an expy of Marie from Soul Eater, Lulu is an expy of Yakumo from School Rumble, Iku is an expy of Tsukasa from Lucky Star, Wolfgang is an expy of Shizuo from Durarara, Alec is an expy of Happy from Fairy Tail, and Rika is an expy of Hatsune Miku. * This troper came to the realization that a major character from his

main sci-fi story, the marshal of a planetary militia on a mostly desert world, was a blatant expy of Jim Raynor from Starcraft. This was much more noticeable before this troper made a continuity reboot, as the original story was itself practically a ripoff of the first few levels of Starcraft. Also, the main female protagonist from another story just happens to look a lot like a character from Naruto, which this troper has never seen. This troper only noticed the likeness by chance when he saw an image of the Naruto character at a bookstore. * In [[Tropers/AdelePotter This Aspiring Author Tropette's]] works, Daisy from ''Simon, Silverstein's Sweets, and Why It Sucks To Have a Stepfamily'' is an Expy of Delilah from UnFortunateMe. Traits that apply to both: ** DeadpanSnarker ** [[HormoneAddledTeenager Slutty]] [[BrattyTeenageDaughter older sister]] ** Bad relationship with their mothers. (Delilah's is an overbearing StageMom, Daisy turned on hers when she married Geoff.) ** HiddenDepths * Unintentional example with a roleplay character I played for several years, he ended up as an Expy of Araki Mataemon from Ninja Ressurection (which, at creation, I had not seen, but matched him in fighting methods and even eye and facial aspects such as the amber eyes turning black/silver and a skeletal jaw, though my character's was missing/scavenged from victims.) with a little bit of a Stein from Soul Eater slant to him, including surgery skills, self experimentation, varying degree of insanity, etc. ** Since graduated to legacy character status, even if I can't get into his mindset any more without having to go on a gods damned vision quest into the center of insanity via a room full of crazy. * This tropette has written a FullmetalAlchemist fanfic in which one of the [[OriginalCharacter original characters]] turned out to be an accidental [[strike:CaptainErsatz]] {{Expy}} of a [[ReadOrDie an anime character]] I have only recently heard of. This character [[{{Meganekko}} wears glasses]], has [[HimeCut long]] [[ShinyMidnightBlack black hair]], happens to be [[BrainyBrunette rather]] [[BadassBookworm bookish]], and specializes in [[PaperMaster transmuting/weaponizing paper]]. [[{{Irony}} Ironically]], she was actually supposed to be [[{{Expy}} like]] [[SoulEater Tsubaki]]! (She is [[YamatoNadeshiko personality]]-[[TeamMom wise]] though). ** Same troper: as it turns out, there are a few of these in an upcoming original work. One can roughly be called an {{Expy}} of [[CasperTheFriendlyGhost Casper]], since he's a {{Bedsheet Ghost}} who is [[{{Moe}} absolutely adorable]]. Another one is related to ''InuYasha'', being a [[GrumpyBear cynical]] DeadpanSnarker with connections to the supernatural, and also a [[{{Jerkass}} little bastard]] [[SirSwearsALot with a mouth]]. The third is a [[{{Moe}} Moe-blob]] with a DarkAndTroubledPast who was experimented on extensively to become [[CrazyAwesome ridiculously capable in a fight]]. Did I mention the fact that [[AmbiguousGender we're still not sure if this person is a boy or a girl?]] Guess who this character is like? [[spoiler: it's [[SoulEater Crona]]]] * This has cropped up in a pair of original fiction works

[[Tropers/{{Gunarao}} This Troper]] is writing. Both stories are about a man who fights the supernatural. Both men are [[DeadpanSnarker wisecracking]], orphaned, [[BaldBlackLeaderGuy bald black guys]] in [[BadassLongcoat dusters]] and armed with [[RevolversAreJustBetter revolvers]]. The only real difference is in the characters' situation and attitude. The first character lives in a LowFantasy setting with only relatively weak magicians, give or take a few EldritchAbominations. He's on the cheerful side of snarky, with a equally snarky mage partner, a devoted LoveInterest. He was also raised and trained, pretty well, by his silver tongued {{Mentor}}. Things generally turn out well for him. The second character fights against zombies, vampires, werewolves, demons and pretty much any other type of monster. He uses BlackComedy and GallowsHumor to tolerate his existence. He's a vagrant, who's only real interaction is with his Overseer, a sort of tyrannical boss who makes him do his job under pain of insanity. He was thrown into his line of work with barely any training, just because he's one of the few people in the world genetically immune to all types of monster. His life is one long procession of people stamping on his face. * This troper has an interesting example, Runa Ichijoji/'''[[color:green:Spark Green]]''' of the [[SuperSentai Raigeki Sentai]] [[OriginalGeneration Sparkman]] is actually an expy of an original character of mine, in that they're both [[YouGottaHaveBlueHair green haired]] [[DeadpanSnarker DeadpanSnarkers]] who are often [[{{Bifauxnen}} mistaken for men]]. The differences being that Runa is a [[LesYay lesbian]] and [[NoodleIncident doesn't have a demon following her around]]. * These tend to pop up in this troper's stories when she's designing a character and watching/reading a series with a similar type of character simultaneously. For example, she was recently working on a [[DeadpanSnarker snarky,]] [[CloudCuckooLander slightly out-there,]] character with a fondness for rude and generally obnoxious behavior. While watching [[{{Misfits}} Misfits]]. Needless to say, something of Nathan developed in said character. ---Go back to a page just like {{Expy}} now. ----

ExtendedDisarming * In ''DungeonsAndDragons'', it is quite possible to conceal a truly ludicrous number of daggers on one's person... This troper remembers a session in which he completely disarmed his halfling of all daggers, a process which took the better part of an hour and resulted in a pile taller than himself. We're still trying to figure out how he walked about. ** This troper played a character that caused problems with this. On one occasion, he was delirious from fever, and the party took him to a temple for treatment, taking his weapons and armor before turning him over to the clerics. When the clerics returned him to the party, they were very irate, as he had pulled a dagger on them when they started undressing him for a bath. Our party's cleric responded "We never

really know how many weapons he's carrying..." On another occasion, the party was looting a troll's lair, and came across a goblin-made dagger designed more for torture than combat. The rest of the party told this troper's character to put it back, which he did...temporarily. Their reactions in and out of character when I pulled it out a ''[[BrickJoke year later]]'' were priceless. ** This troper had a strong case of this trope with a character who systematically collected every longsword we encountered. By careful inventory management and a clever crafting session to make an interesting harness, the total was once brought up to the mid fifties. Upon being captured by an evil army platoon, the disarmament took several minutes in game and required an extra baggage donkey to be brought out to bring it all along. After escaping, liberating the longswords (as well as adding a few more from soldiers who would no longer be needing them), we encountered a group of refugees and, in a startlingly plot derailing moment, managed to arm every single one of them and still have left over weaponry. Needless to say this made the upcoming "escort mission" significantly easier, and the DM significantly angrier. ** This usually comes about because encumbrance is calculated by weight, not volume, and that many [=GMs=] really couldn't care less. This troper's character has carried a plethora of weapons, up to and including a small rail gun. That was successfully concealed. ** One of ThisTroper's DM's, through his own experience and desire to avert this trope, said that we had to actually figure out where we kept each weapon, and he would take into account the more...awkward placings. So ThisTroper, as a level 5 rogue, had fourteen ''visible'' daggers around her waist and on thigh- and bicep-holsters, eleven ''concealed'' daggers inside sleeves, boots, and in the small of the back, five readily available from a Cloak of Many Things, and about another thirty spares in her Heward's Handy Haversack. Two of the daggers were magic. Then the first things we fought were skeletons...go figure. * This is pretty much a given in ''{{Shadowrun}}'', given the average PC's usual ratio of firepower to closet space. This troper has been known to carry (concealed) as many as two each of taser pistols, light pistols, heavy pistols and a variety of small stun weapons plus, when needed an [=SMG=], a [=LMG=], a sniper rifle, and/or a shotgun. Entering secured areas or parleys can take a while, plus they still never find the stun gloves. * This troper has averted this trope to a degree after producing a detailed drawing of just how exactly his [[WorldOfDarkness Hunter]] can carry around a Thunder-5, an [=OTs=]-38, a pair of Mateba autorevolvers, a Springfield 1911 clone, a PSS suppressed pistol, a chopped-down Patriot-style M16, a FN SCAR-H CQB, a Calico-960, his ballistic knife, a garrote, in addition to a cornucopia of any sort of grenade imaginable from flashbangs to napalm-sprayers. And this doesn't cover the stuff he keeps in the trunk of his hillbilly-armored truck, which includes an anti-aircraft missile launcher as well as an anti-tank missile launcher, a pump-action grenade launcher, and something close to twenty different pistols. Yeah. As you can tell, my attention to detail causes my GM no end in headaches. [[OverlyLongGag

Never mind the SKS carbines, the M4s...]] And the best part? I actually go through the pains to detail just how long it takes him to strap everything on before a hunt. In my defense, I'm playing him as a [[CrazyPrepared thoughtful]] former [[GovernmentConspiracy government]] [[PsychoForHire agent]] with a suitably [[TrainingFromHell realistic]] upbringing. And partially [[RuleofFunny just to see what sort of stuff I can get away with.]] * This troper is an italian {{LARP}}er. The particular LARP I play rules that some things can only be hit with blades, and others with blunt weapons (until magic weapons come into the picture). At one point, this troper was carrying on his person his two longswords, his backup couple of tonfa sticks, no less than three fighting knives, and quite a number of smaller knives for throwing. And ALL of those were ready to be used in combat, though I had some funny looks when I needed to be disarmed for some reason. * This tropers brother did this in real life. He had a pile of stuff (abot 40 different types of things, several dozen repeats) up to his waist. He walked in looking perfectly normal except the knife in his hat. * This troper's rp group now has to go through this when reporting back to their [[StateSec employer]]. Generally they go along with it, but occasionally they try and sneak some weapons in, "just in case". As a result, the ExtendedDisarming procedure now includes a cavity search, after a spectacularly silly attempt by one player to sneak an [[GatlingGood assault cannon]] through the checkpoint. In his rectum. (Side note:Said character needed surgery to remove it, and rebuild his pelvis...) ---->'''Inquisitorial Storm Trooper''':"Son, are you some kinda new fangled silencer we ain't never heard of b'fore or are you actually trying to smuggle in a..." --->''checks the 5 feet of gun protruding from the acolyte's rear'' ---->'''IST''':"...damnation Pattern assault cannon? And be honest too, 'cause, to tell ya the truth, there's nothin' ya ken make up that'll be strange enough to explain..." --->''the guard then looks back to the 5 feet of gun protruding from the acolytes rectum again in disbelief as if it will vanish if he's not looking at it'' ---->'''IST''':"...that." * [[{{Tropers/Kadorhal}} I]] was once making a [=~Let's Play~=] of ''{{Postal}} 2'' with the ''A Week in Paradise'' mod. When it came time to vote, I noticed there were metal detectors at the front entrance to the school that was hosting. I proceeded to [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FErrcc_D5gU drop twenty-four weapons right next to the entrance.]] ---Go back to ExtendedDisarming, but first let's have the guns... and the [[KnifeNut knives]]... and the crossbow... and the other guns and the nunchuks and the [[{{BFG}} bazooka]]([[TheMask A permit? Really?]])... and [[OverlyLongGag the other knives]]... [[{{Squick}} Do I want to know where that one was?]])

ExtranormalInstitute * An RPG this troper played was set at a school that was attended by technical geniuses, invaded by ghosts and the site of an evil plot to merge all universes into one. Oh, and there was a T-rex in the basement. * This troper's high school has some elements of this, it used to be a mansion and is haunted (by a really, sweet if eerie little girl whose easy to mistake for one of the lower schoolers) and the students are all at least slightly wacky. I pity the poor girl who transfers here not knowing what she's getting into. ** This troper's middle-elementary-pre school also incorporates the mansion-and-ghost combo, but our mansion is Victorian and our ghost is green. Also, "wackiness" does not ''begin'' to cover it. (We have a mud puddle! And a rope swing! ''We are proud of this!'') * My college is was founded in 1819. In the later 1800s, a dorm burnt down, resulting in the deaths of several students. That's just the most well known reason for hauntings around here. We have a lot. There's a room where a guy killed himself that is locked at all times and the windows are bricked up. Nobody's allowed in there ever. * Most of the (many) weird goings-on at this troper's school can be attributed to the students... but nobody really knows how many of those are actually from this planet. * This tropers high school used to be a shopping mall. The auditorium still has a Macys feel to it. * This troper went to college (well, 6th Form) on a site which had been in use for the purpose since the 16th century (none of the current buildings are that old, but still). There is a fair bit of weirdness there, mostly from the students. This troper, just to take an easy example, has been involved in various (generally mock) duels around the campus, with everything from lightsabers to wizards' staves, not to mention wandering around with several other students while carrying firearms (airsoft only, but no-one batted an eyelid). Another incident, which did not directly involve this troper, had a Media Studies class carry on as though nothing out of the ordinary was happening, while two students duelled their way in, around and then out of the classroom while using live steel blades (a teutonic longsword and a japanese tachi). Add to all that a smattering of cybergoths, Sergeant Pepper impersonators, RockyHorrorPictureShow fanatics, re-enactment persons (Roman to English civil war) and at least one neo-visigoth... * My school. The toilets are haunted, doors open and shut by themselves (even when the windows aren't open), the computers act weird (...hey, my desktop changed! and I didn't touch anything!), there's a History teacher wit ha collection of world war weaponery, another who dresses up as different characters from the past, we reenact the Battle of the Somme every year... oh yeah, and the DT teachers have a pet [[Series/DoctorWho Dalek]]. * This troper's school also has some elements of this: it was built 300 years ago, meaning it survived ''all'' the invaders our country had, has a few ghost stories of its own and every single student here seems to have a fairly large streak of weirdness. Live-action DoTA with styrofoam weapons, exploding Coke bottles, re-enactments of

choice chapters from Jose Rizal's Noli me Tangere with a gay twist, water-gun fights, using tables of elements as gambling tables, student paparazzi hounding the teachers, nicking things from the Music Room (including the piano)...The best the faculty can do is stand back and laugh. * According to the school paper that was released three years ago, EVERY SINGLE ROOM in my school is haunted. Twin ghosts, old ladies in white, old ladies in black, headless guys, severed heads, mountains of skulls, haunted bathrooms, lights that go on and off by themselves...you name, we probably have it. It didn't stop there, either. Even the schools I attended in elementary had a ghosts, to the point that someone made a fake oujia board with a piece of paper and tried to call ghosts. ---Walk down the hall, past the shark tank, turn left at the UFO. ExtranormalInstitute will be the second door on your right. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

ExtremeOmnivore * This troper's dog was once found pooping string. The only things we've tried to give him that he didn't want were grass jelly and mushrooms. He will eat string, but not mushrooms? * This troper will eat things off the floor (regardless of how long they've been there), although she sometimes regrets it when they turn out to be horrendously stale. She also once ate a spider to win a bet; the latter is not quite as badass as it sounds, though, since it was already dead and too small to taste like anything. * This troper (Brosandi) has a penchant for biting things: Her fingernails, a piece of rubber tubing she was given for speech therapy, straws, cloth, her friends' shoulders... She has also eaten a cricket. It wasn't bad at all. She also enjoys the taste of copper, blood, and strangely enough that horrible feeling you get when you crunch tinfoil (well, to a point.) The only thing she really can't stand is hamburger. ** That's not that bad. This troper has a taste for recycling some of his own body materials: his fingernails[[hottip:*:yes, he chews and swallows it]], footnails[[hottip:*:same as fingernails but much harder; he figured out how to remove the nail without a scissor or nail cutter]], blood[[hottip:*:but only if it's not dirty]], pus[[hottip:*:sounds disgusting but in truth it doesn't even have a taste, at least nothing on the scale of blood]] and snot[[hottip:*:somewhat salty but at least he doesn't need to clog his pockets with tissue and it '''completely''' counteracts dehydration during a cold]]. He also figured out that teeth are most effective at removing acne from places on the arms he can't access with nails. Then there's his taste for eating the contents of a packet of instant soup straight out of the packet. * [[{{Atagamay}} This troper]]'s dog is one of these. Once, we got

Chinese food, and at the end of the meal everyone was sitting around and talking about the fortunes they got in their cookies and if they were fitting or not. My aunt was holding hers at arm's length, complaining about how it wasn't right for her at all... When the dog walks up, casually snaps it out of her hand, and ''eats'' it. ** [[Tropers.ReikoKazama This troper]]'s dog is the same. She'll eat anything, and I mean ''anything''. * This troper once started eating a brick out of boredom. He found it rather too gritty. ** When you eat it... ** How exactly do you eat a brick? I'd have thought that your teeth would lose that battle fairly quickly. * I'll eat bloody anything if I feel like it. * This troper would quite happily eat out of the bin if no other food was available. She and a friend often recount (with a mixture of shame and nostalgia) the time they shared a half-finished cookie that had been left behind in Starbucks. The same friend once filmed herself eating kiwi peel for a bet. * You can put anything foodlike between two slices of bread. Eggs, instant noodles, mince, yoghurt (flavoured is especially good), biscuits... This troper once ate a whole apple,not stopping at the core - also for a bet. ** A bet? This troper regularly eats the whole apple, except for the stem, if present. *** You put bread between bread? **** [[MemeticMutation Yo dawg, we heard you like bread...]] * One of [[GwenStacyWannabe this troper's]] classmates ate a worm off the wet sidewalk once. For a dollar. * You know that stuff you put on people's nails to prevent biting? One of my friends drank a whole bottle of that for five bucks. * [[{{Quillpaw}} This troper's]] dog beats the other troper's dog in a landslide. She ate anything lying around: sofa pillows, jeans, my mother's Victoria Secret panties...One time, when locked in the bathroom, she ''ate the linoleum off the bathroom floor''. . ** When this troper was remodeling, his dog consumed such things as drywall, tack strips, and about half of a chalk line. * This troper's grandma's dog ate a sock. One can only imagine what that must have been like. ** [[InSovietRussiaTropeMocksYou Sock]][[PoopSocking pooping?]] * The abbreviated list of things this troper has eaten, either on a bet or of his own free will: locust, nightcrawler, part of a dollar bill, eggshells, paint, a piece of cotton cloth, soap, hospital food. He only really regrets the eggshells. Ouch. ** You ate an [[{{Comicbook/X-men}} X-man]]? * This troper has been to college for so long, he finds that sometimes he eats what's at home, because food is too expensive to waste and his nowadays iron-clad digestive system will also happily take anything he throws at it. This includes live ants and toilet paper... * Ice chewers: I know you're out there, come out! (It doesn't count if it's frapp BTW). ** * Raises hand* Guilty as charged. Actually, this troper alternates between crunching and sucking.

** Ha, I alternate between crunching, sucking, and plain-old swallowing whole... Either when the drink is empty, or there's no straw, though. ** Chomp chomp chomp. ** OM NOM NOM. ** Burp. ** CRUNNNNCH. *** [[Tropers/{{G-Mon}} Crunch]], crunch, [[RuleOfThree crunch]].... ** [[http://qntm.org/?icecubes ...Shut up!]] ** Just sucking, for this troper. The thought of crunching ice makes me wince. ** This Troper sucks on them, but has a habit of spitting them into her hand, saying something, popping it back in her mouth, and repeating as the conversation requires. Yes, it's disgusting. No, I just can't kick it. Pagophagiacs, unite! ** Braces get in the way, but yes, I do love my ice cubes. ** [[{{MiraShio}} * raises fingers made numb by ice* ]] ** [[{{Wheezy}} This troper]], when he was 13, once cut the roof of his mouth open and bled all over his sink (probably a small cup's worth came out) after chewing an unusually tough cube. But still, to this day, whenever he's drinking anything with ice in it... ** [[InsanityInside This Troper]] has no idea what's so strange about eating ice. It's just water. We all drink water, right? She also sometimes eats snow if she gets thirsty in winter. ** While this troper does, and can appreciate, munching on a good ice cube, she must ask people who read this to not do it in public. She has three people in her class who do it on a near daily basis, and it sounds disgusting. Please, for the sanity of those around you, don't chew ice around people. Or, at least, don't chew it in a classroom surrounded by people trying to do work. (This troper admits she is guilty of chewing ice, but she does it when there's nobody around to annoy.) ** HAIL ICE EATERS! * As a child, this troper was one heckuva bookworm... sometimes tearing off the blank paper in the margins of the books she read to eat. What, go all the way to the kitchen for food? Feh. Though come to think of it her favorite reading spot was on the cool tile floor between the refrigerator and her bookshelf... ** I think that's less being an epic bookworm and more just being an epic lazy-ass :D * A late family cat apparently had a thing for tomato sauce as well as, amazingly, Italian bread. * [[{{Kriegsmesser}} This troper]] regularly drinks abandoned, halffinished sodas, terrible food just to rate it, and once ''snorted hot sauce''. It was actually kinda painful. ** This troper's other best friend once snorted a packet of salt during our lunch period at school a few years back. He screamed. A teacher came over. He waved her off. He snorted the rest of the packet. ** For those who like to snort hot sauce, [[http://www.sinusbuster.com check this out.]] * This troper would probably drink half-finished sodas, but he

probably has one in his hand himself at any given time. Plus, his mother's belief that everything ever touched by a stranger ''ever'' has AIDS or some other horrible, incurable,fatal disease has got his subconscious scared to do it. Not to mention it'd be warm. Eww. ** Although you can catch a number of nasty things from sharing drinks, AIDS, or rather HIV, isn't going to be one of them. It can't be spread through saliva, only through blood and sexual contact. The only way you could contract HIV from sharing a drink is if the person who drank if first had an open mouth sore, somehow got it in/on the drink, and you drank it with an open sore in your mouth as well, so VERY improbable. *** Doesn't matter. MyBelovedSmother is a "bring your parka with you in the middle of July, just in case" kind of gal. * There was a girl [[{{Leone}} this troper]] fruitlessly pursued for several months who would not only eat anything she found on the floor or unwashed counters/tables/other public surfaces, sometimes in ''bathrooms'', but would also take food out of garbage cans and defend her actions by stating that it was still half in the bag or wrapper it came in. Right. And ''she'' was too good for ''me''. (I say that with affection. We're still friends, although sometimes I wonder why.) * This troper remembers a time in junior high where someone found a small, frog-shaped eraser in a desk. This troper asked to see it and promptly fired it back with the help of a water bottle upon receiving it. The girl who found it insisted I was going to die for weeks because the eraser had some white-out on it. ** I've eaten white-out off my fingers (it gets ''everywhere'' for me), and I'm still alive... * This troper has the two dogs mentioned beat- my aunt's dog regularly eats ''gravel''. He is also an ice crusher. * I eat my scabs. ** ...but really, who doesn't? Mmmm, recycling. * I used to have a habit of eating Kleenex. Also, on a lesser note, my dog, if behaving badly outside, can be baited into the house with a rock if a dog treat's unavailable (he doesn't eat the rocks so much as chew on them). ** Um, is your dog a German Shepherd by the name of Zorro? * I'm the guy that snorted a Pixy Stick and ate the entire ball of wasabi at a sushi restaurant. I do tend to eat paper sometimes, though. Plus, I'm an ice-chewer. * This troper has a friend who, while sober and of his own free will, ate a mint he found in an alley. * [[{{Gattsuru}} This troper's cat]] has eaten pop tarts. Entire ones. * In a habit derived from a close friend, if [[GalenDev This Troper]] doesn't like the fortune he gets in his fortune cookie, he'll eat the fortune instead of the cookie. And he chews ice. ** I do that too, except I eat it if I want it to come true. * This troper has been diagnosed as having pica. Her family still owns pots and pans with her teeth marks in them, the church she attended as a child still has several knawed-on pews, and she still will eat crayons, dirt, soap, toilet paper (unused), and other things if no one else is looking (and sometimes if they are, if she's feeling contrary). She only chews pennies, though, as she knows those would be

too painful to swallow... but she still likes the taste. * At this troper's cafeteria, when you're done eating you put your tray of food on a table in the back of the room for them to take away. Often time this troper will see an untouched foodstuff (entire cheeseburgers and the like) and eat it because he absolutely HATES wasting perfectly good food. * This troper has eaten grass, rocks, an entire tissue, an entire sheet of printer paper and a yu-gi-oh card in his life time. The Yugi-oh card didn't taste that bad at first either. ** Did you have it [[IncrediblyLamePun rare]]? * When [[SkyBlue this troper]] was only three years old, his parents once found him with half a grasshopper clutched in his hand. The other half was never located. The list of foods this troper has eaten as an adult, of his own free will, includes: frogs' legs, cow's tongue, pig's brain, snails (mmmmm, ''escargots'' in garlic butter... yum, and I'm not just saying that to {{squick}} you out), and locusts. The locusts were the only ones this troper didn't like. (Though he thought the pig's brain was a bit bland, and could have been better with a different sauce). ** Try your Locusts [[GearsOfWar lambent]] next time. They're already marinated! * Memorable anecdote: when I was a youngun, they recorded my progress because I was PDD-diagnosed. One of the "improvements" they found in me at one point was that I "no longer ate sand, just put it in my mouth". Yes. ** Hmm, but sand is quite good.... * Though I'm techinically not an Omnivore (I'm a vegetarian), I eat (or have eaten) paper, metal, card and once or twice rocks. My dentist has confirmed I have some of the toughest teeth he's ever seen. I gnawed my way out of my hated pair of braces (only the top set, unfortunately, and they stuck it on again), have bitten through 17 pens to date and once ripped a chunk out of a guy's ear. (The whole story's in Crowning Moment of Awesome.) I can chew my way through rocks, ropes, flesh and plastic. And I like to bite. DO NOT MESS WITH ME. And I chew ice. ** Fear the mighty Purple Panther Girl. *** Why thank you. :3 *** Flesh is good too, mostly your own, unless you practice cannibalism. In which case I'm not here to judge. * As a long time Warhammer40K player I have spent a lot of time with superglue covered fingers. I always get the glue off by chewing it, I try not to swallow too much but a bit of it goes down. Also I chew pens and ice. ** Given that CA/superglue is used as a high-speed surgical adhesive, it's not particularly toxic. You probably don't want to swallow cotton balls after having a nice meal of CA, unless you want to put a real fire in your belly. * Aside from being a former ice chewer (which has not been kind on the teeth), [[{{Malchus}} this troper]] earned quite a sum of money in grade school and some of high school for eating the following things on several paid dares: chalk, paper, glue, leaves from hedges, flowers, ink from a ballpoint pen, a whole Lego person, ants, a

grasshopper, and a half-eaten ice cream cone off a trash can. Not once did any of those induce any sort of nausea. This troper--now a teacher--has basically retired from being ExtremeOmnivore since it probably wouldn't set a good example for the students. * I tend to gravitate toward eating plant matter. I eat paper, chew furiously on pencils and soft wood and eat (non-poisonous of course) flowers. * I... kind of eat plastic. From little objects... a pen, a candy wrapper.. or rubber. I prefer rubber than plastic, but it's rarer. I also eat paper (post-its especially). I don't actually eat a lot of inedible stuff, but when I'm relaxing I used to do it... I used to hide it, I still do for the most part actually. People are not very understanding about that. The ironic part is that... I'm proud I don't eat my nails. (sorry for the bad english - I'm Italian) ** Actually, your English is pretty much perfect, if a bit ellipsisheavy. * This troper has a chewing habit, but used to eat anything, edible or inedible, that was sanitary, just to see what it was like, and still does so, but now limits himself to odd combinations of food (they're usually pretty tasty, though not when one forgets that milk curdles when in contact with tomato juice). He loves eating ridiculously spicy things, and only stopped eating wasabi and pickled ginger on their own, and taking shots of hot sauce, in order to keep from a horrible horrible stomach-related death (still gets away with the hot sauce when he has a head cold). * A mild case, but [this troper] (Godeskian). He has been known to freak his friends out by dipping hamburgers under chocolate fountains and then eating them topped with pickles, strawberries and salt and vinegar flavored crisps, Once eat a hotdog with mustard between two slices of angel cake, eats the vast majority of his vegetables frozen and slathered in barbeque sauce and honey. From this troper's perspective it's all perfectly reasonable though. After all, if you like all the ingredients.... ** This troper has a Filipino friend who's mother decided to see if she could find something he wouldn't eat. She failed. This troper has even eaten stuff that she wouldn't: can you say "haggis"? * This troper's cat loves to eat cellophane (like the kind they wrap [=DVDs=] and video games in), twist ties, bubble wrap and Christmas ribbons. In fact, almost all our relatives know not to put ribbons on any presents they mail to us for that reason. He also drinks from the toilet and bathtub. * [[PacSol This Troper]] has eaten biodegradable eating utensils made out of potato starch, several pennies, cardboard, and wood. * This troper's dog ate the weatherboarding off the side of the house. * This troper's dog a black lab/border collie mix will eat almost anything among other things he eats or has eaten include lard soap, a roll of tape, rotten animal carcasses (mainly rabbits, possums, squirrels, birds, and mice),pre-chewed gum, vegetables including corn he loves it he will rip it off the stock, tarp, a string from my sweatshirt, a glove, a watermelon, foam peanuts, and we can't give him toys either because he thinks they're food he's already eaten a squeaky toy and a foam football, thankfully he doesn't eat his own

droppings. ** My neighbors dog on the other hand eats rocks and tree bark. * [[EddieVanHelsing This troper]] has been accused on numerous occasions of eating Christian babies. He responds by asking the accuser if he has any good recipes. ** [[EddieIzzard "You want babies on pikes? I got babies on pikes!"]] * This troper's little cousin used to eat birthday candles because she saw us licking the frosting off them. * [[{{Itsmeyouidiot}} This Troper]] Eats cupcake wrappers when he's done with the cupcake. * Sandwiches are awesome.Sandwiches made by me are doubly so.I've had on a sandich, all at once:Pizza, fries, Ketchup, smoked sausage(fried), more pizza. * My friend and I used to eat the the little rubber spikes off of bicycle tires. * This Troper will eat any kind of meat provided it's not 1. Poisonous 2. Still alive and/or 3. On the endangered species list. * When this troper was young, she used to EAT HER OWN HAIR. * this troper is eating has wicker cloths washing basket with lots of apples on the side * This troper's cat eats flowers, tomatoes, cucumbers, and any other vegetable that we happen to leave on the counter. I thought cats were supposed to be carnivores... * [[{{Rat}} This troper]] once walked into the kitchen to find her dog eating a pear. She's not sure if said dog was just chewing on it to chew on it, but most of the pear was gone. This troper herself used to eat leaves from some type of thick-leafed, purple-green plant in Montessori school, as well as blue plastic beads; and was once tricked by a friend into eating a chocolate-covered cricket, and when told what she had eaten, replied, 'oh cool, I've always wanted to try one. :D'. Only bad thing about the cricket was that I felt its antennae between my teeth and knew what it was I was eating right then. I'm also a fan of chicken nuggets dipped in pure honey (is it just me, or did they give you honey in little packs at Burger Kings in the early 90's?) but I loathe honey mustard. Oddly enough I am an /incredibly/ picky eater now. ** I remember those honey packets! I only remember the ones from [=McDonald's=], though... * This troper definately qualifies. Paper, pens, [=LEGOs=], ice, almost anything, really. Tics are fun like that. I've also had a grasshopper leg (with assistance from a water bottle) because it happened to be there. * I remember when I was about six - I used to eat fluff off the carpet in the classroom... * {{Vulpy}} has a reputation for being an ExtremeOmnivore with his coworkers; he regularly eats abandoned or forgotten food items, but only once it's clear their owner won't miss them (e.g., after a couple of days). He just thinks his coworkers are picky wimps ''vis a vis'' food. His cat, on the other hand, has a thing for ear wax. He discovered this laying in bed one morning when he got the worst wet Willie ever. * This troper's dog once ate a set of wooden kitchen furniture.

* When I was a kid, I used to eat cat biscuits quite happily. I tried a few out of nostalgia this morning and they actually weren't all that bad. Also, has anybody else ever made beef schnitzel sushi? * This troper has been known to eat many things not normally considered fit for human consumption, such as paper towels, his fingernails, teabags and grass. He will also happily eat things that have been lying around the kitchen for longer than sanitary, as long as they're not mouldy or smell too funky. * This troper used to eat whole sheets of construction paper, ice cubes, and uncooked Oscar Meyer wieners. Now she just chews on aluminum cans sometimes, and eats the lollipop stick every time. * This troper's cat eats chives, raw and cooked spaghetti, mushrooms, most salad stuff, cheese and onion crisps and goes gaga over Valerian teabags. * Haha, [[Tropers/{{MiraShio}} this troper]] feels inferior compared to the rest of you. She eats condiments--salt, all-in-one seasoning granules, fish paste, raw onions, the like. Oh, and raw noodles. And pretty much everything but the bones in a fish's head. * Not "eating" per se, but this Troper struggles with biting his fingernails, and finds that chewing on things helps. Gum at first, but in order to save money, he now chaws on leather bootlaces, which have a not entirely unpleasant taste. * You know what's delicious? Dill pickle slices, hot sauce, raisins, and peanut butter on wheat bread. Damn, them's good eats. * I regularly mix freeze dried food with dirt. It helps with both the lack of taste and crunchy texture. Certain types of dirt (like grand canyon, or new mexico mountain, or even rocky mountain) modify the flavors of mixed freeze dried food to the point where Beef Stroganoff, Mashed Potatoes, and Rice taste almost edible. * On my bus, a kid busted a cheap calculator with his head and then ate it. Others kids then told me he has done similar things before. * During toddler years this troper used to eat rocks. She still eats paper,dog biscuits, and chews through headphone wires. She used to lick a couch my family used to have because of the taste and eats the fortunes out of the cookies. * A MemeticMutation among my family/friends: "I'M AN OMNOMNOMNIVORE!" * [[{{Wheezy}} This troper]], in addition to providing the nasty icechewing story above, used to eat lotion as a little kid. He also once tasted cat food just see what it would be like. He doesn't do those anymore, but to this day, he eats paper, threads from fraying clothes, bouillon cubes, grass, raw pasta, whole sugar packets (just pop them in and chew them up), ketchup, soy sauce, and salad dressings straight from the packet - and Old Bay, cinnamon and seasoned salt straight from the container. (Lowry's is delicious.) He chews on his own hands, hair, keychains, headphone wires, and any nearby writing utensils. According to his ex, [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean he's kind of fixated...]] * This troper's family's herd of goats will eat anything. We had a little one in the house a while ago and when he got around to eating solids he was chewing on anything he could get in his mouth. And ''it was so cute''! :3 * I occasionally eat raw eggs, with the shell included; I just put the whole egg in my mouth, chew it up, and swallow. I have never gotten

sick from it. * This troper enjoys cheese, peanut butter and pickled chillies (all at once), and also Pepsi with fish biscuits, which he once ate with a sausage roll dunked in it. And his cat sometimes eats flies. * I once had a conversation with a few friends about my nondiscriminatory eating habits. They then proceeded to gauge the validity of this by listing off various items. So far, I've stated I will eat: off of the floor, food other people have touched, raw food, increasingly interesting combinations of foods that would NOT taste appetizing to a normal person, bugs, and various bodily functions both human and nonhuman (the latter two only if dared). I'm also quite fond of chewing on things such as pencils and pen caps. In middle school, in order to stop this, a teacher I had would rub the pen cap in chalk dust. I licked the dust off. * If it looks like food, Tastes like food, and This Troper can chew it, he will. To date: Various combinations of freeze dried meals and whatever happened to be on the ground at the time (Crickets covered in cheese sauce and mashed potatoes isn't half bad), several 'Everything in the Fridge/Freezer/Pantry/Garage/Headboard' sandwiches (I do actually keep food-like things in all those places), four randomly mixed drinks (not of my choosing, but non-alcoholic), my old watchband, my fingertips, and several annoying hairs that keep growing faster than the rest of my arm hairs (They taste better baked in lighter fluid and applewood smoked). * this girl swallows animals whole and live [[http://www.youtube.com/user/SheLovesVore this is her]] and natralley this is [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FetishFuel fetish fuel]] for some. * This troper has a retarded pet lizard who is incapable of recognizing "food" from "non-food". The following objects have been ''forcibly'' removed from this lizard's mouth: two paperclips, a quarter, multiple lengths of wire, a headphone jack, lint, and half a shoelace. This troper's other lizard has a penchant for human hair. * This troper has eaten one of those biodegradable spoons made out of potato starch. It tasted like drywall (which I've also eaten, and for the record tastes like shit, which I haven't eaten). * This is ''nothing'' compared to any of the above, but I can't be the only one who ''loves'' raw garlic. Even whole cloves of it. Provided it hasn't started to grow a sprout yet, but even then it's at least okay. And garlic's good for you, too, so hooray! * This Troper's sister's roommate was an Eagle Scout, and likely part rat. When he was in scouting, the scoutmaster's warning about poisonous plants, "If Brad ''doesn't'' eat it, don't touch it!" I've seen the guy pluck plants off the side of the road and munch on it. He will also describe the taste of certain grubs and insects, and eat stuff most of the housemates wouldn't touch (like my LethalChef sister's attempts to cook). * This troper's dog. He has and will eat absolutely anything, and if he turns it down, it usually means it's not safe for human consumption (my brother learned that the hard way with some lunchmeat). The only thing he refused to eat recently was my sister's disastrous attempt at angel food cake, and to be fair, that thing -bounced-.

* I ate a whole tube of flavored lip gloss once. It was just too good to not eat... besides, if it goes on your mouth, it should be safe to eat, right? I've also eaten things like honey, syrup, instant tea powder and sweet chili sauce plain, in big spoons. Things that aren't really meant to be eaten as they are, but hey, they're edible, right? Also, I ate paper as a kid, and I suck on ice cubes. * This troper's pet ferret drinks his own urine. Then tries to lick the inside of people's noses. * This troper was at a wedding, and started teasing his much younger cousin by pretending to eat the rose petals. Of course, rose petals actually ''are'' edible, so... down the hatch one went. It had been dried to preserve color, so it had the taste and consistency of paper. I've also been known to consume pepper straight out of the shaker hell, sometimes I just eat the peppercorns. * Back in second grade, this troper had a habit of hording those little pink eraser toppers so he could chew them up into little crumbs. I stopped doing it after being caught with over a dozen of them in my mouth at once. I also once ate an ant for a quarter at summer camp, a Monopoly card, a sheet of paper, and a Lego piece (though that was on accident, as I was trying to separate two pieces with my teeth). I also still eat Pixy Stix whole, paper straw and all. * Alright, let's see... Raw noodles were one of my favorite snacks as a kid, but getting braces made it harder so I quit. Then there's newspapers (or, more rarely, printer paper), lollipop sticks, pure salt, and in middle school I had an eraser chewing/sucking habit. Also occasional blades of grass and leaves. * My grandpa used to eat oil. From gas lightning. He's also been shown to mix black beans and chicken soup, with a touch of milk and beef, has also mixed the dessert with the meal, juice with milk... My cousin went the same way, except that he actually has taste when mixing stuff (he used to eat raw onions and tomatoes like they were apples, though). As for me, I enjoy maggi spices and used to eat clover leaves and my own boogers (I like salty stuff!). * If a bottle has a plastic cap, it usually leaves a ring-shaped strip of plastic either stuck to the cap or around the bottle's lip. It's great for being chewed, lasting longer than gum. Because gum has enough taste to be swallowed soon. * This troper has eaten (and in most cases still eats) paper, pencils (lead and all), grass, leaves, string, a penny, plastic, her blood, glue, her scabs, pus, her skin (to the point where it leaves raised scars), sweet wrappers, cardboard, ice cubes, feathers from her (punctured) duvet, erasers, pebbles, flower petals, and last but not least, her fingernails. She has also drunk pen ink and vinegar(not together) and has chewed bootlaces. She will scavenge food from her friends plates. On top of this she enjoys odd combinations of food such as celery and Nutella, parmisan cheese with raisins and frozen peas. Bizarrely though she finds eggs and strawberries disgusting and dislikes kiwi fruit. * This Troper's dog will eat PLASTIC. You know how ground beef comes in plastic packages with a little metal tie at the end? Well, the dog ate the wrapper, metal and all. * This Troper's cat doesn't eat non-food items, but she'll eat so many

types of people food. Yogurt, ice cream, waffles, marshmallows, biscuits, lots of things, really. Especially marshmallows, the cat has ripped open bags of marshmallows to get to them. She also seems to like licking hard candy like lollipops, but only if it's cherry flavored. But the craziest thing she's gone after was probably canola oil. Had some out to make a cake, and the cat went crazy trying to drink it up, and she got all pissy when someone made her stop. * This troper is more of an extreme herbivore; he eats entire fruits (apples w/ seeds, core, and stem, cherries w/ pit and stem, the skin of oranges, sunflower-seed shells, the whole pomegranate), roses, clovers, paper, plastic, wooden sticks, and anything that is a plant that is not deadly or on the floor. ---Go back to [[ExtremeOmnivore Extreme Omniv-]] * CHOMP Crunch Crunch* Huh. Links taste like... [[CatchPhraseInterruptus well, not chicken]]! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EyesAlwaysShut * This Troper, though not Asian, has small, almond-shaped eyes. Several times, when I've squinted or when someone has seen my face from a certain angle, people believe me to have my eyes closed. When I'm sitting down or otherwise remaining motionless, it's no big deal. However, when I'm walking or, in one instance, driving my car with my older cousin, who was my driving instructor at the time, in the passenger seat, this trope has caused some problems. * This Troper has a sensitivity to light, and if he walks from somewhere where it's somewhat dark into broad daylight, will sometimes keep his eyes closed and do the opposite of blink every few seconds to keep track of where he is. ** Same here, only I sometimes walk with my left eye open, instead of reverse-blinking. Or reverse-blink only with the left one. * Good luck finding a picture of this Troper's father with his eyes wide open! * [[EtherealFrog This]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myopia Myopic]] Troper habitually closes his left eye when trying to see things more than 5 feet away. I close my right eye for things within 2 feet. * This troper has a habit of closing his right eye when he's thinking or outside, and will sometimes keep it closed for periods as long as 3 hours. * ThisTroper used to have a habit in sixth grade where should would close her eyes, usually when happy or in an awkward moment, due to seeing this trope too many times in anime. * One of the senior band members, David has really narrow, squinted eyes. (He's Caucasian.) At our last Academic Challenge meeting, David decided to scare one of the freshmen, Austin by going into the little area of the library that had glass windows on it, then he kneeled down and opened his eyes really wide. Austin's attention was then directed to the window. I could've sworn you could replace him with Weegee. -> Tyler: Austin, look over there. -> Austin: Huh? WAH!

-> David: *smirk* -> Elora: Oh my gosh, David has eyes. =O *gets her camera out and takes a picture* ** Academic Challenge? Is your school part of GWOC? * Amperschwa is ridiculed for this a lot. A lot. I've got horrible eyesight, and I'm always pissed at someone, so either I'm glaring or I'm squinting. And suddenly, as you're walking down the hall... "Hey, Zep, how do you walk with your eyes closed? It's not safe." * This Troper had a classmate in grade school with eyes like this. He moved away and we lost touch. Twenty+ years later, he turned up in an interview on a local news program. I wouldn't have recognized him, except he was still sporting the same eyes. * This troper knows a friend who's eyes are almost constantly halfclosed for some reason, and even then he blocks most of his face with hair. Somehow he can see though his eyelids and his hair with no trouble. * My cat has the perpetual wink variant, because her right eye doesn't open as far as her left eye. She looks extremely happy all the time because of this and it can be unnerving. * This troper is a slight subversion. One of his eyes is perfectly normal, but the other permanently looks like it's half shut due to surgery. ** This troper has a teacher and a friend with the same condition. * From a Naruto RP I participate in, there is my character Byakuya the Silver Flame. He does this a lot as well as keeping his eyes half closed. You do NOT want him to open em up. This means he is temporarily InLoveWithYourCarnage, and will do HONF things to you. His idea of "having fun" with the local ShockAndAwe Hero? [[spoiler: using an ability negating sword he stole from [[HeroAntagonist Zero]] to negate said ability and then he turned the poor guy's own power against him, electrocuting for a whole day and stopping only to heal him, with the intention of keeping him there FOREVER!!]] * This troper has rather small eyes and whenever she gets her picture taken with a flash camera, usually looks like her eyes are shut. * I once went to a school for the deaf and blind, and at least three blind students I knew of always kept their eyes shut. They were capable of opening them, though. I guess they probably didn't see the point in keeping their eyes open if they couldn't see anyway. ---Let's hope you can see your way back to EyesAlwaysShut. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EyeScream * Photopsia is a milder form of this. This Troper experiences it about once or twice every month, though her vision hasn't been affected. * This troper's Uncle almost lost his left eye with illegal fireworks, although the doctors managed to save it, his vision in that eye has

been less than perfect ever since. * This troper suffered with a bout of anterior uveitis (AKA iritis) a while back. The effect was a swelling of the coloured part of the eye, manifesting as the white turning a bright pink. When the eyedrops failed, the solution was a syringe. Injected into the inside of the lower eyelid, not the actual eye, but still more than horrifying enough to scare anyone he's ever described it to... ** This Troper gets Iritis every 6 months, alternating from one eye to the other. I'm glad to say the eyedrops, and it involves regulated steroids, have always worked, but I can explain what it involves. The cornea and iris adhere together, that is glue together. If you haven't experienced it, lucky you, that means when your eye tries to dilate or contract in the presence of light it can't, but it is trying to. Your eye is trying to pull itself apart. Be glad you don't get it. Also it means you're effectively blind in that eye. ** This Troper, on the other hand, suffered from pan-uveitis (intermediate and posterior at the same time). The solution for that was an incision in the sclera, followed by the steroid infusion directly into the eye with a nice, big, blunt-tipped needle. Luckily, this Troper was sedated. But not sedated enough to not hear the doctor say "Oops." [[spoiler: He nicked a blood vessel.]] * This troper was stabbed in the eye with angle iron. The pupil in her right eye is now melted into to the iris. ** I'm incredibly disgusted, yet vaguely curious. The pupil of the eye is nothing more than a small hole that grows and shrinks to control how much light enters the eye. So it can't melt...can it? *** Whatever happened to it, it's not where it's supposed to be, I can't see out of it, and it looks gross. *** If you live in the western suburbs of the Chicagoland area, I might know who you are and if so, I think your eyes are pretty anyway. * Probably mentioned earlier, but anybody who has had an eyesight operation can tell is Eye Scream worthy... * This troper once got a metal flake in her eye (somehow). Not on the surface of the eye, actually ''inside it'', as several minutes with a doctor scraping at it demonstrated. The flake disappeared and she thought nothing of it. Years later, when getting an eye test, she was told that she was lucky the flake wasn't near her pupil, otherwise she'd be blind in that eye from all the damage. ** This is a major risk for people who've ever worked around metal if you should ever require an MRI. Think about that flake getting yanked around the inside of your eye by a 2-Tesla magnet... *** Thankyou for that, I am sure I will sleep ''wonderfully'' tonight now. * This troper's father has a lazy left eye; the muscles in his socket have degenerated to a point that he is more or less blind in said eye and it looks like it's about to fall out of its socket. (He is now contemplating surgery to at least fix the "creepy cross-eyed stare" effect, even if it can't save his vision.) * This troper's friend was stabbed in the eyeball by a rogue pencil. The division between his pupil and iris is heavily blurred, and he's all but blind in said eye. * What, no love for the "classic" eye-gouge illusion gag? Palm a

restaurant coffee creamer sample, put it up to your eye (hidden away so your friends can't see it), take an appropriate sharp object, puncture creamer foil and dig out contents, laugh at the discomfort of your dining companions. * This troper's mother has twice--''twice!''--burned the surface of her eye by accidentally hitting it with a curling iron. She had to be driven to the emergency room and have the burned area ''scraped off with a scalpel'' both times. She said that the pain was not the worst part. The worst part was holding her eye open and watching them scrape away the burned parts. ''Twice.'' * Several people this troper knows apparently saw a video of a woman ''eating her own eye with a fork and knife.'' the worst part? [[spoiler: '''[[NightmareFuel It wasn't faked to their knowledge.]]''']] ** ...oh God. Link? ** [[{{HighOctaneNightmareFuel}} Don't post a link. EVER]] ** [[BigNo Nooooo! Don't!]] ** [[TooDumbToLive Just don't click, dummies!]] ** [[SchmuckBait But it would be too tempting!]] ** [[{{Joerc45}} This troper]] saw it. It's actually fake, because the video can be found on YouTube. Still, [[GrossOutShow pretty]] [[NauseaFuel gross.]] * This anonymous troper had a rather unpleasant experience involving a cat dissection in Anatomy. [[spoiler: One fellow in our group wanted to take out one of the eyeballs of the (obviously dead) cat, and the means he used to do so were... well, let's just say they were basically gouging the eye out with a probe. The eyeball wasn't destroyed, but still...]] ''shudder'' ** Every dissection (animal, not human, mercifully) this troper has partaken in has ended in this trope somewhat. We were supposed to take out one of a shark's eyes to examine the nerves or the lens or somesuch, but it ended with... them... ''popped'', on the bare tabletop, in a little pool of liquid, with something hard that had been inside them just lying there inside the little deflated balloon of skin. [[NightmareFuel Downright beauteous.]] *** That hard clear ball is the lens. This troper finds them rather attractive. **** Cool! (This troper would like to note that though the link to NightmareFuel was intentional, that "beauteous" was not at all sarcastic.) *** Before dissecting an eye, this troper's friend asked the teacher what the vitreous humor tasted like. He thought it would taste like oysters. While dissecting the eye, the friend tasted it. [[spoiler: '''[[CrossesTheLineTwice It did taste like oysters.]]''']] **** That's assuming he could taste anything beyond the preserving fluid. Blech. **** This troper accidentally saw most of the eye-gouging scene (and the horrific beatdown preceding it) in the movie Demolition Man when hr was about 9, and already a pretty squeamish kid. After that he was absolutely terrified of this trope for years. He since got over it and in fact he found dissecting a cow's eye in 4th year oddly relaxing. * One of this troper's maternal aunts was involved in a car crash many

years ago and took a glass shard into her left eye. She got better with surgery, but if you look at her closely, you can see the scars in her irises. * This troper has had a rather freaky version of this, after reaching the highest point on the preschool swings, she comes down screaming so much they have to get her mom, her left eye is in pain, it reacts to light, rushing her to the doctor they do gruling tests on her, due to the tropers squrminess, they belive its a scratch on her eye and bandage it up, the next morning she looses sight in both eyes until they cut the bandages, eventualy she ends up in a huge hospital operation room under anysteics, only to wake up with the freakish news, it wasnt a scratch, it was a SEED, and by the time she was in the hospital it was taking ROOT! I inquire you to pause and think what would happen is it never came out. ** looking back at this childhood traum, it would make one freaky horror film. * This troper's uncle got a pencil stuck in his eye when he was a child. ** Does that mean you live in the same world as The Dark Knight's version of Batman? * I'm so terrified of this trope that I've considered wearing goggles pretty much the entire damn time. ** After reading this page, I'm considering the same. I don't know if I'll sleep tonight. And that's just the stuff above here. * This troper used to have a much higher pain tolerance. I would sit in my room, in the dark, and press on my eyes-- mercifully through the eyelids-- really freaking hard. Sometimes with objects. To see the pretty colours. I can't stand to even ''lightly'' touch my eyelids now. What the heck was I doing? Childhood memories of this seem to have lead to roleplaying a lot of eye damage scenes with my characters-- including one where a teenaged boy has an eye dashed out, or more accurately, popped, at the razor of [[SweeneyTodd a certain Sondheim canon]]. Apparently, it grossed a couple other board members out. [[NightmareFuelStationAttendant I never noticed.]] ** Also, possibly due to previous eye-pressing habits, I am now ''afraid'' of floaters and eye strain. (I hope my eye-related neuroses explain why I not only play the aforementioned teenage boy on my friendly local RPG, but also the [[{{Sandman}} Corinthian]]. ** Hey, I used to do that eye-pressing thing too. Somehow I never noticed how much it hurt. * Biology. Fetal pig dissection, and the perch and squid dissections before that. This troper is adding the example as his partner chops into the pig, and said troper would be out of the room screaming in about five seconds if she even considers harming the eyes. * After multiple attempts to put on contacts by himself, all of which have ended in failure, this troper has concluded that it's easier for him to clear ''IWannaBeTheGuy'' on Impossible than to put them on successfully. * This troper remembers seeing an ad in a magazine featuring a picture of an eye rolling back down a long tunnel-looking thing, alluded to be its socket. For the longest time after seeing it, I was afraid to rub my eyes at all for fear that that would happen.

* This troper's high school literature class all had to write a chapter of a horror story for an assignment. Mine was the only one that actually got the class audibly frightened. Why? One tiny mention of EyeScream. The EyeScream ''didn't even happen'' in the story, all that was mentioned was the ''possibility''. That's how effective this trope is. * This troper did the same a few times while a teenager, though using a dull implement like a butter knife. All it takes is a steady hand, no one close enough that might cause jostling, and a normal hard contact lens (though it's still dangerous enough; the consideration of what ''could'' happen in the case of something unexpected is why it is no longer done). With relative quiet, a very light tap is still audible enough to squick out friends. * If you have or have a family history of Glaucoma, you may recall your eye doctor putting drops in your eye, followed by a little blue tube light thingy. [[{{Jonn}} This troper]] has been unable to sit still for that procedure once his family informed him the tube actually ''touched'' his eye. * This troper has has [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitelliform_macular_dystrophy Best's Disease]], a genetic condition where a specific kind of fat builds up and hardens in the eye. In most cases, this can be operated on - not so for this one, who has it in the exact center of the eye. It causes a permanent "ever-swirling fish-eye lens" vision error in the center of vision field of the affected eye. * This troper has a dog and a cat who didn't used to get along well. The dog wanted to play with the cat all the time, but the cat didn't, and usually swatted or scratched him on the snout. One time, her claw got his eye instead. The worst part? He didn't give up afterwards. * This troper's dog injured its eye when she was a kid. Dude to a crappy veterinarian....it rotted. Now this troper has such a severe phobia of puncturing or otherwise injuring her eyes that she wrapped towels and padding on the sharp, pointy tips of her bedposts and the corner of her bedside table. * Have you ever [[{{Squick}} somehow gotten a zit on the edge of the inside of your eyelid?]] Getting rid of it is not easy. ** Thankfully, no. I have gotten zits on the inside of my nose before. * My friend's reaction to me telling her all the nasty things they warned me about that can go wrong with contact lenses... like why you shouldn't wash them in tap water. * This troper once heard a story about a boy getting stung in the eyeball by a bee. * This troper was friends with a girl down the street whose mother had a glass eye. For whatever reason, her mother told me about it but not her daughter, so when I inevitably mentioned it to my friend, she freaked. * This troper's father helped a dumb dog who had got hit by a car.Poor [[HavingAGayOldTime bitch]]'s eyeball was hanging out of its head,attached by the jumping nerve endings.Guh.This troper's dad?He took sugar packets left over from his coffee and poured it into the socket and popped the dogs eye back in. Turns out pops not only saved the dog's vision,he saved the family 300 bucks for surgery.

* Also,this troper went to bed and woke up blind.She freaked and ran out in full summer sunlight in a panic--couldn't see squat.All the anime she hadn't seen,the games she hadn't played,and the books she hadn't read.She got better.Turns out she caught pinkeye somehow at college.Her family treated her like a leper and laughed at her misfortune.She got them back tho... * While at a resident camp, one of the roommates of this troper tried to put on eyeliner without looking at the mirror. She completely missed her eye lid and touched the top of her eyeball with the eyeliner pencil. She said she didn't feel it but the other 3 roommates and I saw it. A few hours later, her eye got a huge bulging vein on her eyeball where her pencil touched. * This Troper absolutely cannot stand anything being near her eyes, other than her glasses. Anyone else tries and she will instinctively flail an arm in their direction to make them back off. * This Troper has chickens, and the roosters seem fond of gouging each others' eyes out with their spurs. * [[{{Wretchkin}} This Troper]] once, as a child, picked up a bamboo stick he found in the street, tried to look through it to see if it was hollow, and with it held right up to my eye, walked into a wall, jabbing it ''right'' in. It really is a miracle I still have both my eyes. * This troper once dated a girl who had lost her right eye to cancer as a small child. We never talked about it while we were dating (I can only assume the experience was rather traumatizing for her), but she did have a rather lovely glass eye in its place. * This troper was treated to a lovely description by her next door neighbour about injections he has to have in his eyes to help his failing eyesight. Cue lots of shuddering from this troper. * This troper's brother discovered he had a rare genetic condition that caused him to have extreme allergic reactions to some medicines. Said allergic reaction manifests as his immune system attacking his own body with such ferocity that the whites of his eyes were sloughing off, leaving his eyes a rather demonic red. He had to watch as a scalpel was used to scrape the dead tissue off, several times, over the course of a day. Furthermore, he can't ever take a painkiller stronger than acetaminophen - and he's in the U. S. Army. * Narrowly averted for this troper. I was helping my dad in his tool room, when his reciprocating saw's blade exploded for some reason. A shard hit me in the eyebrow. ** Not at all rare, that's why smart saw operators will be sure to wear their safety glasses. You should see what happens when a CIRCULAR saw blade shatters, or an angle grinder explodes. Then there's arc welding...they wear those iconic masks for a reason, you know. Shop teachers call it "welding flash", doctors call it "UV keratitis". * This Troper's grandmother once had to have her cornea replaced with an artificial one. The doctors filmed the procedure, and gave her a copy, which she played for anyone brave enough to watch. Just to be nice to those with a sensitive disposition, [[SchmuckBait I'm going to spoiler-tag the description]]. (Although, if you ''are'' one of those, '''what are you doing reading this page in the first place?''') [[spoiler:It's a fixed view of her eye, zoomed in so tight you can't

even see the eyelid. She's staring straight at the camera. The doctor uses a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scalpel scalpel]] (of course, it's zoomed in so tight you can only see the business end of the various instruments) to cut a slit into the eye at the point where the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornea cornea]] meets the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sclera sclera]]. It takes the doctor a few tries to get the slit just right. Then, he uses a miniature version of a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periodontal_probe dentist's hook probe]] to scrape out the backside of the cornea, removing everything except the outermost layer. Once he's done with that, he inserts the replacement cornea, and uses the same probe to unfold and position it. It takes maybe ten minutes, and he doesn't even have to [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surgical_suture stitch]] the slit (it will heal by itself).]] ** Those links have got to be the most unsettling NoodleImplements ever. * This troper plays this trope for laughs with his friends. If you order a steamed fish, he will dig out the eyeballs with a toothpick, slit the cheeks and stuff the eyeballs in there, since the cheeks are one of the nicer parts of the fish. The best incidents were during a school vacation (literally), where the teachers noted that we weren't eating the fish and proceeded to grab the dish from us like a certain [[SuzumiyaHaruhi anime character]]. Every single day, this happened, until they felt bad for this troper's table, and gave us their black pepper crab. This troper and his friends almost felt bad for the teachers. ''Almost''. * In a [[http://forum.fanfiction.net/topic/25562/23794382/8/#25760806 Gundam RP]], this troper's evil character Katherine Daille does this to Kirina, an enemy pilot to make sure that Kirina cannot pilot well ever again. * This troper once got a bad mosquito bite in her eyebrow. Cue massive swelling of eye and freaking out and hospitals. Was not fun. And she still has the scar! * This troper is currently wearing a bandage on his eye after a cat scratched him. No big injury; it's there mostly to prevent it from getting dirty, but his mother was terrified because apparently, if the white part of the eye is ripped, it will release antigens that the body's defenses doesn't recognize and will attack them. The worst part? Apparently you need an operation to remove the eye, lest you wanna lose BOTH. * This troper once had a dream where there seemed to be a tiny ''hair'' protruding from his eyeball. He tweezed it ''extremely'' carefully to find that a tiny piece of bone came out with the hair. (None of this hurt, but it was naturally odd...) * [[Tropers/CrazedNinja I]] was recently diagnosed with some sort of virus, having had increasingly frequent "attacks" of feeling a stabbing pain in my left eye whenever I blunk. The morning I finally went to the doctor, I honestly felt like ripping my eye right out of its socket just to make the pain stop. Fortunately, I held off from doing that until I saw the doctor, and ended up being prescribed eye drops that actually work pretty well. But the {{irony}} of this whole situation is, the [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] ''eye doctor'' I went

to before didn't catch this. She just said, "[[FailedASpotCheck Oh, it's an astigmatism.]] [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Here, have some new glasses that you specifically said you didn't come in for.]] [[MoneyDearBoy That'll be 350 dollars. Bye!]]" The guy who diagnosed the virus and prescribed the eye drops was just a regular physician, as opposed to an expert on eye care. * This Troper once woke up "blind" when she was 5... turns out she had severe conjunctivitis and the pus had glued her eyes shut in such a way that she thought she'd opened her eyes when she didn't. Freakiest half hour of her life (that's how long it took her parents to react to her crying and screaming). ** That same thing happened to me when I was like, 4 or 5, but it was just in one eye. Got taken care of with a washcloth. * My oldest cat, Timon, looks pretty normal... [[http://s138.photobucket.com/albums/q245/solipsismsbucket/?action=vie wt=000_1083.jpg Until he looks directly at you]]. The pupil in his right eye is completely dilated, and thanks to what the vet thinks is a tumor, the eye itself bulges out a little, while his left eye is completely normal. Fortunately, it doesn't cause him any pain (that we know of, but we're pretty sure he'd let us know if it did), but still... I haven't looked at my kitty without flinching for almost a year. * [[{{Joerc45}} This troper]] once was going through the produce section at his local supermarket and picked out some jalapenos for a meal. I accidentally poked my finger through one of them, and wiped the juice off on a napkin. Later, I caught an allergy attack, and touched my eyes to wipe away the tears. Needless to say, this was a [[{{Understatement}} bad idea,]] as it led to the worst stinging and burning pains he had ever felt. ** If it's any consolation, I've done worse. Blair's After Death Sauce is about [[BlazingInfernoHellfireSauce 20 times hotter than a jalapeno]], and soon after getting my first bottle of it, I learned [[ThatsGottaHurt the hard way]] that washing your hands after using it is ''[[{{Understatement}} essential]].'' *** ...You mean you [[GroinAttack went to take a whiz?]] * Occasionally [[{{Tropers/Latia}} I]] enjoy squicking people by sticking my finger in my eye and [[spoiler: moving my contact lense around. Suprise, not really EyeScream!]] People still hate it, though. * THis troper had massive eye surgery when she was 5 years old, eye surgery that involved taking the eyes out of their sockets to operate on them, and to top it off this troper was also one of the unlucky few who experienced anesthesia awareness during that surgery, for those unaware of it, it's a rare condition where the anesthesia does NOT put you out, it just paralyzes you so you can't move or speak, but you are still awake and can still hear, see and FEEL everything that goes on.......sweet dreams everyone * This troper has the occasional pimple like thing in his eyes. Which he HAS to squeeze out, because it once lead to a build-up of oil and his Maibomian-Glands swelled to epic proportions. They had to be SCRAPED out with a scalpel. And the surgeon had to talk the trainees through the whole process... * A more comical version of this trope. was learning about how the

pupil shrinks when exposed to light in her 6th grade Science class. She and her partner took turns shining a flashlight in each others eyes. However her partner discovered that her pupils contract and dialate at a ridiculously fast rate. She became so amused watching said Troper's pupils grow and shrink under the flashlight, that this Troper thought she was going to be blinded. * This troper once accidentally hit herself in the eye while she was turning a page in a book. Papercut, right on the eye. I've never experienced a greater pain in my life. * ThisTroper has a cat which suffers from the unusual condition of it's eyelids being turned inwards. This causes it's [[BodyHorror eyelashes to rub against the surface of it's eyes]]. As far as we know, it only causes mild iritation, but we occasionally have to clean off the [[{{Squick}} black gunky stuff]] that oozes out of it's eyes. * When this troper was five, she had one of those spinning Flying Fairy toys. Y'know, those things where you pull the string and it catapults spinning into the air, flailing it's hard-foam wings and leaving havoc and chaos in its wake? Yeah. Well, anyway - those things were pretty harmless as long as they were grounded, but when they took off? One strike from those foam wings could blind a person for life, and in my case, it did. But when people ask me why I'm completely blind in my right eye, I usually tell them a cooler story than "Yeah, I got owned by a spinning foam fairy." * This troper's father put a cigarette out in her left eye when she was a child. Fortunately it hit the cornea and not the iris or I'd be completely blind, but my vision in that eye is a lot worse than my right, and I still have a yellow patch on my cornea near the corner of my eye. This was twenty-seven years ago, so it's probably never going to go away. ** Why would [[CompleteMonster anybody do that?]] * This tropette's cat once accidentally put his claw through her eyelid and... like, looped around to the same side. It hurt. * [[LighterAndSofter Nothing as gutwrenching (or forensic) as the other examples, but a bit on the funny side]]: You'd think [[@/SoWeAteThem I]]'d have learned by now that recreational swimming and lack of goggles don't mix, especially after one incident at age 14 in which, as I swam my way out of the summer camp pool, I caught a camper's big toe... right in the eyeball. I wasn't even out of the water before I started screaming in pain, but with my height, (and voice) it was quite a spectacle when I did. ** I'm still foggy on the feline mishap that convinced us to always walk the dog with a leash, but it's implied to be this. ** When I was a ''little'' kid, I went to a daycare that shared backyards, and occasionally duties, with the neighboring home. One of the ladies from said home had what she described as a corn on her eyeball. * This Troper recently woke up with pain, redness, and swelling in her right eye. Assuming it was merely a scratch and would heal on its own, she patched it over and went about her daily business. Two days later, when the pain had intensified to an unbearable level, she went to her eye doctor, who told uttered possibly the most unsettling words an eye doctor can tell you: "You'll be okay, I promise." Turns out, she had a

pair of ulcers on her cornea, which were infected with staph. Moral of the story: Don't sleep in your contacts, kids. * Occasionally I get cornea cuts due to my long fringe or eyelashes. They don't hurt as such, but they are... uncomfortable... in a 'gristle in the back of my eyeball feeling' way. On the other hand, I get to regale people with tales of the time I biked home with no handlebars, no brakes, a heavy as bag and a violin case, all with an eyepatch. * [[Tropers/BjornStravinsky This Troper]] had laser eye surgery, PRK, not the comparatively more cuddly and friendly Lasik. Before undergoing the surgery you're given a packet which includes such gems as "a smell reminiscent of barbecue may be detected by some patients during the surgery when the laser starts burning into your eye". Lovely. The actual procedure is pretty much exactly the [[AClockworkOrange Ludovico Technique]] down to the reverse eye clamps and the music in the background (this troper did request some Ludwig van, but was given musak instead). Since this is an eye operation, not only are you awake for the entire procedure, you see the whole thing too. Which leads to such realizations as when all of a sudden everything goes quite blurry and then you see a pair of forceps moving something translucent away from your eye that they just removed the outer layer of your eye. In addition to this PRK has a tendency to have quite a long healing time, during which you become extremely photosensitive for a few months, like wearing sunglasses at night and in a room with all the blinds drawn and all the lights off because the ambient light is still too intense. * It's secondhand, but a friend once told me about a fight he'd seen where a guy got punched so hard his eye popped right out. * While it wasn't in the EYE (thank goodness for that) this troper once got stung by a wasp just a few millimetres from the eye. The skin was thin enough in that area to make it BLEED. This has also caused a [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes fear of stinging insects]] for me. * In sixth grade, this troper was working in a group with two boys. One boy had a tiny crumpled paper from part of the fringe on a sheet of notebook paper. He flicked it into the air, and it somehow landed in the other boy's eye. It was in his bottom eyelid near his tear duct, and he had to go to the nurse to get it out. Before he went, though, he pulled down his eyelid and showed us. Totally gross. * This troper once roomed with a person who was unbalanced to say the least. One night, after he did some freaked-up stuff, he threw a pocket knife at my head. I managed to turn so it didn't go into my face as he planned, but it did manage to go sideways between my face and glasses and scratch off a significant part of my left eye. After getting a new roommate and learning that, yeah, that eye was blind now, my only consolation was having a bunch of custom eyepatches made that I wear all the time. My favorite is one that looks like Adiane's from Gurren Lagann. * This troper used to wear contacts almost every day. Also during this time, I fought with my sister often. Said sister had long nails. This particular incident included all of these things. We were in the back seat of the car, on the way home from somewhere, and we got into a fight. During this fight, she tried to scratch me, and she caught my

eye with the end of her nail. I don't notice much of anything at first, since I was preoccupied with fighting, but after we finished, I realized that something was off with my vision, like there was a pale eyelash on top if it. I assumed my contact had slipped and folded, and tried to fix it. Half of the contact came out, and the rest stayed in my eye. My little sister had ''slit my contact in half '''while it was in my eye'''.'' ** Either your sister is the reincarnation of an ancient martial master, or she has been killed and replaced by some sort of ninja. * [[@/{{endlessness}} This troper]] was planning to have eye surgery as soon as he graduated, but after reading the Real Life section of this trope, is rethinking it and just rediscovered [[BlindWithoutEm love for his glasses]]. * This troper has Von Willebrand Disease, which prevents blood from clotting normally, and causes nosebleeds to happen much easier. Twice, I've spent two hours stemming the blood flow any way I can, only to have the blood back up through my sinuses and come out of MY EYES. Oh, and this first happened when I was 4 years old. * This troper once heard a story from her mom (an optometrist) about a man who, an attempt to shoot himself in th head, [[{{Squick}} shot himself straight through the eyes instead.]] * This troper had to literarely face an eye surgery at young years of which most is a blurr by now, but the memories of fingers diving in her eye sockets/toucing her eye balls and sharp objects being brought near it. No need to say she has very very sensitive eyes till now, combined with a great sensitivity about anything to get close to or in her eyes, applying eyeliner is almost impossible and contact lenses even more so as her eyes twitch wilder than a chameleon's then. * This troper has lost his left eye, even after numerous surgeries to save it. By numerous I mean 5, two of which within three months. Problems still persisted until eventually the eye just "died" off in that vision completely vanished. Upon seeing a doctor about this, it turned out that ''[[Squick the nerves within the eye died off entirely and signs of function ceased entirely, complete with the iris and the pupil going black]]''. The eye couldn't stay or else necrosis would set in, and at that point would not take long to kill someone. As of that, this troper now has a glass eye and on occasion likes to wear an eyepatch. * Last night, I had a dream where I came down with a medical condition. This medical condition made it so my right eye's outer layer would slowly thicken over time until I couldn't see through it. So every once in a while I had to pull the eye from it's socket and PEEL it, like you would an orange or a hard boiled egg. So I'd peel it, until it was entirely raw and bloody, and then I'd jam it back into it's socket and blink away the blood and there you had it, I could see with it again. Until the next time. But that wasn't the weird part. No, the weird part was that even though I had pulled the eye out so there was just an empty socket, I could still feel the eye as I peeled it. Not the empty hole, but the eye still in my hands. I could feel the peeling AS IT OCCURRED. It quite stung. Ever since I remembered having that dream, my right eye has felt a bit odd all day. * This troper has a habit of itching his eyes. This troper is also the

only person in the house that uses Cayenne pepper. This troper recently sprinkled some cayenne on his taco meat to give it a little flavor. ''[[GenreBlind This troper did not wash his hands]]''. When this troper gets an itch in his left eye after supper, HilarityEnsues. This troper then tries to rub the pepper out of his left eye ''[[TooDumbToLive without washing the rest off of his hands first!]]'' This troper is ashamed. * This tropette had to have three eye surgeries, one when she was 2, 5, and 10 years old, first for what the doctor called "wandering eyes", then for over-correcting of the wandering eyes causing them to cross, and then for the wandering eyes again. Her eyes were extremely painful after, and opening them caused a pinkish goo to spill out. The worst part was that two or three days after, she had to put drops in them. Opening her eyes was pure TORTURE, and having that crap in them was even worse. Words cannot describe how thankful she is that at 17, the problem seems to have been fixed. ---We all scream for EyeScream. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

EyesOfGold * [[KatsuHagi This troper's]] eyes have actually been described as yellow by several people. They're actually hazel, but in the right light they do resemble a cat's. Needless to say, this has freaked several people out. ** My dear mother also has golden eyes. Her extraordinary powers include knowing what I'm thinking and what I will do in any given situation - is it the eyes or just being my mom? * This troper has a friend whose hair and eyes are the exact same shade of soft honey brown -- gold in the sun. Dazzling... * This troper has light brown eyes, yet sometimes they turn a gold color. Sadly, it's not a perfect gold--there are what can only really be described as brown 'dashes' circling the pupil when this happens, which throws off the whole look. * This Troper dated a boy in college who's eyes were golden - tawny, to be precise. He kept insisting they were hazel and got embarassed when anyone noticed. Did not help that he liked using so many different wash-out hair dyes and hair gel that he pretty much had AnimeHair, to boot. * [[{{QitEl-Remel}} This troper's]] eyes look orange in certain lights. * This troper has been told repeatedly by completely unknown people that when I get mad, my eyes turn gold from their normally silver grey color. ** You mean, like in {{Claymore}}? ** If you're female, marry me? Silver gray eyes with a golden trait when angry... WOW. ** You sure? She sounds like a {{Claymore}}. Those rarely bring good fortune to us Muggles. * This troper knows a girl whose eye colour changes from green to gold

as a response to certain...um, stimuli. ** [[{{Horny Devils}} Tread carefully fellow troper]] * The barista at this troper's local Starbucks has pure gold-yellow eyes, all the time. * This troper's classmate is blessed with freckles, a strikingly pretty face with high cheekbones and somewhat feline features, and eyes that are... practically bright yellow in the light. In low light, they're a perfect gold-- hence why we joke she's [[Literature/{{Twilight}} one of the Cullen spawn]]. ** Does she sparkle? * [[DragonMaster This troper]] was once in a conversation with a friend about eye color that went kind of like this: ->'''Friend:''' Your eyes are yellow? ->'''Me:''' My eyes are ''Green''. ->'''Friend:''' Yeah but in a certain light they look kind of yellowy. ->'''Me:''' ... That's insane. ->'''Friend:''' It's TRUE! I didn't believe him but I started to get suspicious when the girl I sit next to in German told me that my iris was a little speckled with copper colored. I can't actually see any copper or yellow in a mirror though both times I was told were in very dim light. I still don't believe them but I feel it's worth pointing out. * [[{{Dukia}} This troper]] would have Eyes Of Gold, but her eyes are only amber around the edges and are a more grayish-brown color in the center (very slight KaleidoscopeEyes, I suppose). However, she once saw a woman with full-out Eyes Of Gold in a pet store. * This troper's brother swears up, down and sideways that there's a girl at his sixth form with black hair and yellow eyes. * Depending on lighting conditions, [[MutantRancor this troper's]] eyes look either green-gold or just plain gold. Rarely do they look plain green. * This troper saw someone with Golden-amber eyes on the bus once. Very clearly golden-amber given that she was on the other end. * This troper's eyes are normally blue, gray, or green, depending on the lighting, save for one important detail: her pupils are surrounded by a small ring of yellow. Her mother states that her eyes are hazel because of this. A friend of hers calls them "starburst eyes". Another friend of hers noted this detail with a particular conversation - this troper was incredibly ticked off that day, and said friend realized this, summing it up in one sentence: -> '''Friend:''' "Holy crap, your eyes are turning yellow!" ** I would have phrased it more like "Holy crap, you're turning into a [[StarWars Sith]]! * This troper's best friend (and wishes she was my girlfriend) Sacha drove me wild with her pale complexion, honey-colored eyes, and dyedred hair. Seriously, I gotta wonder if all girls with honey colored eyes are as tasty... * With the "holy crap your eyes changed color!!" stuff, it sounds like central heterochromia, which is a fancy and exotic word for something that's not so uncommon. Both your eyes would naturally have a differently-colored ring around the pupil, though it might be simply less pigmented than the rest of the iris. [[{{Lycosid}} This Troper]]

has dark blue eyes with a little tiny bit of brown pigment around the iris, so in direct light the pupils contract and it does look very yellowy in contrast to its complementary dark blue. The effect is perfect. But as for solid lightly-brown-pigmented eyes, this troper has had a classmate with a warmer shade of brown pigment, very light, which made for some ''very'' pretty gold eyes. * This Troper's cousin, ALL THE TIME. And it's really sexy, which is the cause of a lot of StupidSexyFlanders with virtually everyone he meets. It's the golden hair and freckles, I think; the combination is just so damn cute and he's so funny... Um, yeah, I got off topic. Anyway. Gold eyes. He has them. And he's bringing sexy back. * An attractive guy whom I ''wish'' I knew more of from my school has absolutely ''gorgeous'' bright gold eyes. My God, I could stare at them all day. * [[{{Earnest}} I only have hazel eyes]], but direct sunlight does make them considerably lighter. Hmm looking over the list... perhaps we have enough people here to start genetic experiments, yes? Soon, the gold-eyed race shall rule the world! With our power to... have yellow eyes? [=*sigh*=] I gotta get back to y'all on this one. [-Maybe yellow HypnoticEyes?--] * This Troper's eyes are normally amber-hazel but in a certain light they're gold-ish apparently. I've never seen it myself * This troper's friend has hazel eyes of a shade that really does look golden at times. Very pretty. * This troper's eyes are light brown/hazel, and many friends describe it as golden. (On a somewhat unrelated note, an acquaintance had the gall to say that I was [[Literature/{{Twilight}} a vampire]]. I stared her down pretty hard.) * This troper has hazel eyes that can look golden-amber given the right eye makeup and lighting conditions. (Blue eyeliner seems to really bring them out well.) * Photographic evidence exists of @/FarseerLolotea with ''orange'' eyes. No joke. (They're usually sort of a light warm brown.) * This troper knows a girl whose eyes look like a flat, ambery-gold colour in the sunlight. It's really quite pretty, although this troper couldn't say anything about it. We were not exactly on good terms, and even if we were friends, it would be a bit awkward. Most people don't seem to notice things like that. It's a shame, really. Her eyes were very pretty! * [[{{Kadorhal}} This troper]] has blue eyes with a bit of yellow surrounding the pupil. I personally can only really notice it when upclose with a mirror, but apparently several people who aren't me have mistaken my eyes for green before. * This troper has hazel eyes that change colour depending on my mood they look amber when I'm happy (or sleep-deprived). The other colours are: brown when I'm angry (which is apparently quite intimidating, according to some people I know), and green when I'm sad (or when my eyes are wet). * This troper owns a husky with light brown eyes that look gold under certain light conditions. Even several of his family members have mentioned how creepy it looks. * This troper, unlike most examples on this page, has very dark brown

eyes, but due to a random quirk in genetics nobody in her family can figure out, her eyes are flecked all the way through with gold and go much lighter in the sunlight. * This one guy at this troper's school has bright yellow-gold eyes with green flecks. Needless to say, this troper is very, very jealous. * This troper has gold eyes sometimes, due to eyes that change color. They've been described by her boyfriend and cousin as "Holy shit, you have wolf eyes! ...It's ''pretty'' (<-- in the case of the boyfriend). * This troper's normally hazel eyes turn bright green-gold when she has a migraine. Her mother has the same trait. * This troper's eyes changed between blue and green when he was younger, but now have settled down to mostly blue, with the inner third of each iris gold. * This troper has green eyes... I mean, "a shade of green". It may be a metallic blue color ; it may be a pale, silver green ; ultimately, it may become even more green, with a yellow-ish tint. And it changes depending on times, places, lighting... Cue laughter when two of my friends started arguing on whether my eyes were blue, green or yellow. One of those friends has a yellow tint to his eyes... but only around his pupils. This is why I describe him as someone who [[KingdomHearts gave half his Heart to the Darkness]] while I describe myself as someone with power over it. ** Same troper. While writing that, I looked at myself in the mirror to see which eyes I had at that moment. They're a very dark shade of gold... It's quite rare for me to have this eye color. * This tropers boyfriends eyes are a mix of pale blue and gold. It looks more mundane than it sounds. * This troper can make a good argument for having yellow eyes... unfortunately, because I have a brown ring around my iris which matches my hair, most of the time they look a dull (if very light) brown unless under the right lighting and devoid of my glasses. * This troper's eyes are faintly gold, though you have to look closely to see it. ---Go back to the EyesOfGold main page or the TroperTales index...with your golden eyes! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

Fable * This Troper was in Driftwood in the third {{Fable}}, buying up every hippie caravan in sight, when she saw the caravan named, "Sparrow's Caravan." At first it was a sweet ContinuityNod, but then I realized: If Sparrow's caravan was sellable, that meant she was well and truly dead. She wasn't [[IGotBetter going to get better]], she wasn't [[HesJustHiding hiding in the bushes somewhere]]... my Sparrow, my awesome, badass, whack-you-with-a-hammer Sparrow... was dead. And she wasn't coming back. I promptly went back to the second game and played the hell out of it. ** Well of course she was dead. She died of old age after being the Queen of Albion and you are now her child.

* This she-Troper, and mutual friend "Batzy", would provide commentary as the Master Longsword and the Dog because certain objects talked (and we were all bored) as said she-Troper's boyfriend played through Fable 2 as his (Anti-)Hero "Shadowfiend", a fat grey-skinned demon of a man who uses too much magick, pull off finishing moves on Hobbes constantly, destroy all 50 Gargoyles, and buy out all of Albion. We all enjoyed Shadowfiend marry Lady Grey, them moving into the Nice House, have a daughter and son...because, clearly, those kids WERE Shadowfiend's kids, evil demonic little dumplings. And the tabletop game those three robed guys had, that one side mission...unanimous decision, was full of WIN. * This Troper enjoys [[VideoGamePerversityPotential making every single customizable character he creates in a video game look completely ridiculous]]. Naturally, I enjoyed doing so in the Fable games, and the best part is that the in-game characters have reactions to this. In the first Fable, I made a cross-dresser named "Arse-face" that wore the red-haired beehive wig you could find in Darkwood Bordello. I also toyed a bit with the custom tattoo feature in the PC version of the game, and basically retextured my hero's face to have these crudely-drawn gigantic bushy eyebrows and a big toothy cartoonish grin painted over his closed mouth. In Fable II, I tried to make a {{Bishonen}} character by giving him a woman's ponytail and make-up, but it didn't come out right. In Fable III, I dressed my hero in an extremely fruity outfit consisting a sleeping cap dyed red, and the Female Mercernary Outfit dyed blue and red, with green stockings. However this Troper was also [[TheyChangedItNowItSucks dissapointed]] to find that that gaining weight only gave your character a beer belly at the worst, instead of making your character morbidly obese. * This Tropette was enjoying herself in Fable 3, playing through a certain mansion where you have to kill everything, and was offing some Balverines, shooting them with her favourite rifle, when the camera zoomed in on a rather... unfortunate place. Namely in between the Balverine's legs. Oh, there was much laughter and screaming at the same time... ** Also, when she went through the ending of Fable 3, guess what achievement she got? "Barrel of Laughs." If one has gotten to that ending, one would know how inappropriate this is. ----

FableRemake I came up with a story about William Tell that takes place in a DungeonsAndDragons game. He's actually blind and has never used a bow before, but he gets a natural 20. I never got around to writing it anywhere.

FaceDoodling * This troper, when she was very young, used to draw on her mom's face while her mom was asleep. * This troper has told his friends that if they fall asleep on an

aircraft, it's their own fault that they get drawn on. * This troper had a high school teacher who wrote "Wake up!" on a student's face for sleeping in class. * This Troper used to nap during his study hall senior year allways to find someone had marked him up with washable markers it was all in good fun until one day they decided to use permanant sharpie. * NEVER fall asleep at a cast party. You WILL wake up with things on your face, as one of this troper's friends will attest after having an in-joke nickname written on his cheek and 'Balls' on his forehead in bold caps as several of the rest of us watched and giggled. This troper was also ALMOST the recipient of it himself - but he wasn't asleep, just resting his eyes. As the person with the marker approached, without opening my eyes, I shot off a warning. -->Try it and you pull back a bloody stump. * In a fit of originality, This Troper drew the word dick on a [[WithFriendsLikeThese friend's]] face, with an arrow pointing towards his mouth. * One of this troper's friends fell asleep. Another friend started drawing a rather cute cartoon of a penis on her forehead, but she woke up halfway through. I did, however, manage to draw one on her shin later. * Being the last to fall asleep at a party means this troper will hide secret messages on randomly exposed body parts -- shins, the backs of arms, and necks. Places that will not be noticed until in public. * This troper had a boy in her class who let people do it to him awake. the most memrable ocasion was when me and two other girls wrote "I suck c**k" on his forehead and a notice saying "Please insert phallic object here" on his lower back with an arrow pointing downwards. Plus "Call me, you stud!" and various other things on his arms. He's DEADLY straight.

FaceFault * [[Tropers/{{Seiryu}} This troper]] participated in a surprise birthday party for a friend. When everyone jumped out and screamed "surprise!", said friend must have had his fight-or-flight response hard-wired to "flight," because she immediately did a hard right turn, and sprint-started into the wall. After making sure that she did not have a concussion, the birthday girl thanked us for the thought, and made us swear to never do that again.

FaceOfAThug * [[{{Tropers/Joerc45}} This troper]] has always been told that he is one of the most [[TheMessiah kindhearted]] people they have ever met. However, upon first inspection, this is not visible, what with his [[UnusualEyebrows thick, Wolverine-esque eyebrows]] and [[{{Bleach}} Ichigo-colored hair]] {though mine IS dyed :)}. In several instances, he has been mistaken for a less than reputable person. This is another reason why he [[SheCleansUpNicely prefers to shave often.]] ^_^ At that point, said trope is averted, in a [[{{Moe}} strange]] [[EvenTheGuysWantHim way.]] :)

* This troper has been told that she takes on a very, very creepy expression when playing shooter games. Which contrasts heavily with my usual StepfordSmiler appearance. I'll smile even as I'm threathening to rip out your entrails and feed them to a pidgeon. ^w^ * This troper knows a girl who just has very commanding facial structure (think Maleficent in a pissy mood)-- she's one of the funniest people I've known, and sadly gets pigeonholed into villain roles for plays. * A friend of a friend named Wyatt looks like he would kill you and eat your babies just because you ''exist''... but he's a total sweetie who's more likely to chill and ask for a beer than anything. * Tropers/{{Excel-2010}}. The better you know me, the less likely you are to describe me as a rude dude. Beyond a certain point, however, this reverses. My family tells me that I'm not sociable, but school faculty would never say this of me. * This troper not only has a [[FaceOfAThug face of a thug]], but he [[PerpetualFrowner tends to frown all the time]]. It doesn't help that he is aloof, doesn't talk much, and can hurl someone into a wall if he pleases. This same guy loves cake, writes a food blog, watches [[CardCaptorSakura Card Captor Sakura (and has a Kero-chan plushie)]], plays with children, and cries to [[WinterSonata Winter Sonata]]. And he's also the type who loves his family and friends. * Same as the one above, plus killer eyes and fondness to animals and children. * Sort of for me. As a child I was a bit over zealous in brushing my teeth and my gums receded. This left me with teeth that look disproportionately large and gives me a natural SlasherSmile. But I've heard I'm kind of cute when depressed, confused, sleeping and even angry. It's only when having a good time that I give people nightmares. * [[Tropers/DinobotTM2 This Troper]], is 6'5 tall and shaves the head due to premature hair loss. Most of my friends told me straight out in my face that they were scared the first time they saw me. The fact that i love horror films and have a very grimm sense of humor doesnt help at all. * This female troper. She has a rather menacing facial structure (pointed chin, near permanent frown and Death Glare), her hair is more often than not ratty and all over the place, and her voice is very low and gravelly. However, the worst she'd ever do to you is [[DeadpanSnarker snark you to death]]. She's been told that she's incredibly funny, and has a habit of babbling off incessively. The problem lies in the fact that if she tries to smile or stop glaring all the time, something just looks off.

Facepalm * Because I wear glasses, I can't really facepalm without hurting myself, so instead I facepalm the person who induced the urge to facepalm. ** This troper recently acquired specs and has taken to needing her forehead or just blatantly staring at people until the ask if what they said was stupid.

*** I just push my hand under my glasses and hold my face. * I do this a lot on the internet and when reading through Tropertales. * Facepalm when most people say/do stupid things, but when it's my parents? Headwall. I facepalm, and headwall, alot. * I do this all the time when I'm online. Every time I read an article, a discussion, a rant or whatever that contains CriticalResearchFailure... I facepalm... while laughing. * This Tropette's personal version of facepalm is adjusting her glasses. A friend of hers actually says "Facepalm" as she does this. ** This Troper does the same thing with his glasses, though it is only one degree of his facepalms. The most severe variant is him literally hitting himself on the forehead with his palm which produces a loud smacking sound. And since that also hurts it's possibly worthy of a facepalm in itself, but sometimes you just have to. ** Ditto to above. Although [[ThisIsATest I]] never had the [[YouKeepUsingThatWord tenacity]] to actually smack myself in the head. * Another Tropette tends to pinch the bridge of her nose or use the classic facepalm. Considering some of the things her friends say, it happens a lot. * [[@/{{Gerusz}} This troper]] has a prominent stupidity-reactionsequence: * facepalm* - * headdesk* - BSOD - SophisticatedAsHell "MustHaveCaffeine to tolerate this psychological torture you put me through". * This Troper tends to put his hands on his face, just like most. However, he also keeps his eyes visible. By using StrangeSalute hands. ** In this case, Spock's "Live Long and Prosper" salute. * Being that this troper wears glasses, a normal facepalm would not be simple, so instead I facepalm by removing them. * This troper is sorrounded by morons or wacky guys so he facepalms a lot in a regular day in the university. Also, he usually adds and "Oh god" in a dissapointed or frustrated tone to emphatize the idea. * Last year, in his American studies classes, [[RayAyanami this troper]] would keep track of how many times he had facepalmed in class in his notebook. * This troper was forced to facepalm at so many things during high school, most notably the teachers. * This troper has discovered it's hard to facepalm with glasses, and so tends to carefully take them off, put them on his desk/in his pocket/wherever's convenient, ''then'' bury his face in his hand and groan. * This troper resorts to facepalms at the overwhelming stupidity of her peers. * [[@/ThisIsATest This Troper]] facepalms at himself! * [[@/NeoSilverThorn This troper]] removes his glasses, facepalms, and follows it up with either a grimace or a HurricaneOfEuphemisms. * This troper faceplams all the time, with a very notable slap if she wants to make a point. * [[@/MutantRancor This troper]] also wears glasses, and prefers to slap his forehead. It gets the point across just as well, and may actually still count as facepalming.

* My glasses are usually coated with a liberal sprinkling of fingerprints. I'm pretty much the master of facepalming at school, I almost freak out if I don't do it at least once a day. * [[@/RavenBlack This troper]] has to remove her glasses every time she feels the need to facepalm, or else risk having to clean her lenses afterward. She also has an animated facepalming smiley on MSN. She uses it often. * This troper once let a pun fly that was so bad his brother-in-law nose pinched, then rubbed his forehead, then laid down on the floor in agony. :) * This troper typically reacts by massaging his temples. Alternately, if he's particularly stressed, he holds his thumb and forefinger against his temple and turns his hand like he's tightening a screw. * This troper has a hat she wears to school every day. So whenever her classmates do something unbearably stupid, she pushes the front of the hat down over her eyes. Sometimes this is accompanied by a sigh. * Regularly done by this troper in school, either what has been described above, pinching of the nose or a normal facepalm, accompanied by a murmured "ouch" and slowly pulling the hand downwards over eyes, nose, mouth and chin. * The facepalm is this troper's favorite way of relieving the headache caused by the stupidity of those around him. * [[@/{{Lilacheart}} This troper]] facepalms constantly when something stupid happens, usually if it's laugh worthy as well. If it's not funny, she'll massage her temples. When it really is THAT STUPID, she'll even start banging her head against a wall. * This troper does it a lot when something stupid happens. Though, my guy friend does it more often. Especially when ''I'' say or do something stupid. Which is a lot. * This Troper does it so much that he plans to put weights around his wrists and turn it into an exercise. * [[@/LEXicon712 This Troper]] has seen so much stupid, he will list what he's seen here. ** He facepalmed at Shaquille O'Neal hosting ''[[{{WWE}} RAW]]'' * This troper utterly not only {{Face Palm}}ed but Headdesked at the announcement of Nintendo announcing an auto mode for their games. No, not because it exists...because the FanDumb was acting like something that is '''''ENTIRELY OPTIONAL''''' was ruining their games, despite the fact that not a single one of them complains about strategy guides, Gamefaqs, outside help, or gameshark. FacePalm. Plz. * [[@/EtherealFrog This Troper]] facepalms to avoid laughing at puns. Or really anything. I don't like laughing out loud. * Due to [[@/KingSonnDeeDoo This Troper]] practically ''living'' in one of her [[NiceHat Nice Hats]], she can't facepalm easily in it. As a consequence, when she has to facepalm, she'll lift up the brim, facepalm, and then move it back down. * [[@/LoserGamerBritt This Troper]] once facepalmed while at a restaurant, and a little girl at a nearby table copied her and started facepalming too (well, really she was slapping herself on the forehead, close enough). She promptly got in trouble with her parents for hitting herself, which lead to the troper being scolded by ''her'' parents. Poor kid.

* I personally have several variants on facepalming, or facepalm equivalents. Since I wear glasses, most people get a semi-glare that works as in implied facepalm, a "You're an idiot" kind of look. Next step up, I remove my glasses, and facepalm properly. If I feel like something is really, REALLY deserving, I have someone hold my glasses, and follow up with a drum roll (via tapping my fingers on a table) and a double-handed facepalm. * Since this Troper has (and regularly wears) a pair of glasses that pretty much make this trope impossible to do, she ducks her head down which can occasionally lead to Scalp-palming. Obviously, she prefers the hand-to-cheek method, or simply flopping her head down to be supported only by her hands. These actions are frequently accompanied by an 'Ugh' or 'why, Mew, why?'. * This troper has two variants of this. One for when he is wearing sunglasses: he adjusts his glasses by grabbing the sides with the tips of his thumb and middle finger, making his hand cover his face without touching it. The other, for when I'm not wearing sunglasses, is simply pinching the bridge of my nose with said thumb and middle finger. * This troper is the OnlySaneMan working in a Destination Imagination group that is all female (except for me). HilarityEnsues daily. I'm surprised I don't have a permanent imprint of my palm in my forehead. * I'm more or less the OnlySaneMan in my class, so {{Face Palm}}ing is more or less a hobby of mine. ** That's strange. It happens to me too! * Here's the rundown: ** Slightly stupid: blank stare. ** Mildly stupid: pinch bridge of nose. ** Pretty stupid: amazed stare. ** Really stupid: Angrish. ** Amazingly stupid: Take off glasses, FacePalm. ** Mind-numbingly stupid: Take off glasses, hand them to somebody, ''two-handed'' FacePalm. *** Dear god, are you me?! *** If he is, what do you think the odds of him responding are? * [[@/RadicalEd This troper]] finds plenty of reasons to facepalm on a daily basis, but when cosplaying as [[TheMelancholyOfHaruhiSuzumiya Kyon]], practically every pose involves a facepalm of some sort. There are several varieties of facepalms that can be applied as him. * This troper wears glasses and can still facepalm by using the traditional 'heel of hand to forehead' technique. Not as dramatic, but far easier, and considering where I work "quick, easy and capable of being done in quick sucession" is a plus. * [[@/{{Miso}} This Tropette]] usually facepalms at the overwhelming stupidity of the people around her. Usually this consists of a hand on the forehead (she wears glasses), but there have been times where in she takes off her glasses, puts them down, and facepalms so hard she is said to leave hand-prints for a good five minutes. * Too often to count with this troper. The most recent one was the reference to the "Gwakamol" crater in [[{{Warhammer}} Lustria]]. * This troper once tried to watch [[ConspiracyTheorist glenn-frickin'beck]]. I facepalmed so many times I lost count at how stupid and wrong the asshole was.

* This troper might as well glue his hand to his forehead due to the amount of idiocy that seems to be attracted to him. * I find it much easier to facepalm now that I have contacts, especially since one of my best friends is obsessed with [[IncrediblyLamePun incredibly lame puns]] and... is overall just... yeah. * I don't often facepalm, but I do have other things: ->Slightly Stupid: Blank Stare ->Stupid: Nose Pinch or facepalm (when I feel like it) ->Pretty Stupid: Angry Stare ->Really Stupid: Headdesk (or, if in a car, I start hitting my head on the headrest) ->Extremely Stupid: I grab my head and begin groaning. ->Fucking Stupid: I enter my happy place and attempt to avoid purging this world of the offender. ->Mind-numbingly Fucking Stupid: "Warning: Stupidity overload! System shutting down!" (God help anyone in the area should this happen while I'm driving) ->^Anything that qualifies as Stupid or worse may be accompanied by groaning. * Facepalming wearing glasses is, as previously noted, difficult. This troper has therefore adopted a semi-facepalm where the hand is twisted -pi/2 from the standard facepalm, and placed on the temple rather than then forehead. Curving my fingers is optional but recomended. If it's particulary bad, I might take off the glasses and do a conventional facepalm while hanging my head. According to my friends, my personal CMOF was when I, in response to something egregiously stupid, said: ''"If I weren't wearing glasses, I'd facepalm right now."'' {{Facepalm}}: {{SERIOUS BUSINESS}} * Once, This Troper facepalmed. * This troper once headdesked next to a tower of pop cans in order to cause it to fall. One of the cans wasn't empty. Much facepalming ensued. * This troper once did this when she came around a random flash animation, and some random troll jackass herassed the poor guy, claiming [[YouFailLogicForever that his work encougared mental illnesses]]. * When you're one of the [[OnlySaneMan few sane people]] in a school that seems to thrive on [[SurroundedByIdiots stupidity]] and [[YouFailLogicForever illogical reasoning]], not even facepalming can sometimes cut it. [[@/{{X2X}} This Troper]] prefers [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJPkBc-BN4w facedesking]] and literally wallbanging. * This troper constantly finds herself facepalming when watching Adult Swim anime with her sister. An episode of [[CpdeGeass Code Geass]] came on, and when Lelouch simply said one line my sister looked perfectly amazed and cried "[[{{Bleach}} Ichigo]]?!" She has watched Code Geass more than once, and I've told her MULTIPLE times about his [[JohnnyYongBosch VA]]. * Smack* * Here are some of [[@/{{MiraShio}} my]] variations: ** Regular facepalm: after audibly slapping my forehead, I run my hand right over my face and sigh sharply.

** Facepalm-bury: if there is intense stupidity, I bury my face in my hands, bend over my desk and whimper or groan. ** Regular headwall: preceded by a blank face and done when the stupidity is too much for words to describe. ** Headwall-grind: done in extreme exasperation either by rubbing the top of my head against the wall or running in place with my head on the wall. * This troper works in retail, and in order to develop a stealthy facepalm, runs the heel of his hand over his eyebrow when faced with a question of monumental stupidity on the customer's part. Apparently it looks like a thinking gesture, according to my coworkers. * [[Tropers/{{G-Mon}} This Troper]] {{Face Palm}}s, headdesks, wallbangs, and generally does some variation on this trope when his younger brother does something [[WhatAnIdiot incredibly stupid]]. Said brother isn't stupid, he just tends not to think things through far enough. Fortunately for this troper's head, said brother moved out back in September to go to college. ''Un''fortunately for this troper's head, he comes back for holidays.... * I face palm while playing volleyball, whenever someone on my team doesn't try or does smething stupid. * I've face palmed so much for my friend, I have a near permanent red mark on my forehead, similar to what happened to Sokka in Avatar, the Last Airbender. I love my friend. * This troper's brother used to work at a fast food restaurant. The first night he worked there, my grandpa decided to take us over there to eat. When we came in, my brother facepalmed. I love my grandpa. * In a combination of ConversationalTroping and UnsoundEffect, this troper ''says'' "head-desk" whenever faced with overwhelming stupidity. She had also been known to remove her glasses and smack herself in the forehead with a notebook when no desk is available. Of course, 'forehead-palms' are also quite common. * Done in response to feeling like a total doofus after being DistractedByTheSexy. * On a "Constitutional Press Conference" in APUSH, this troper's partner was assigned the role of James Madison. First question him was "Were you extroverted?" He responded affirmative (Madison was introverted). Cue Facepalm '''and''' Head-notes! * [[@/LordNadir This Troper]] has on multiple occasions used "nbgyu67h pardon me as I remove the key now lodged in my eyebrow" * This troper's brother once did this when my family and I walked in to the restaurant where he was working. On his first day on the job. * This troper's family are beginning to learn that when he asks one of them to hold his glasses, he intends to facepalm. Also, if you can read NotAlwaysRight for any length of time without doing one, you are a far better man than I. * This troper reckons that if he doesn't do this at least once a day, something is very wrong. * [[@/ABadDriver This troper]] Does this. [[ThisIsSPARTA All. The. DAMN. TIME.]] * Including herself, this troper's senior economics class has 5 girls and 24 boys. As such, there are a lot of raunchy and/or illegal comments about things. The teacher has a sense of humor though, and

responds to most by pinching the bridge of his nose in a half facepalm while hanging his head. * @/{{Excel-2010}}. One morning my brother had his girlfriend come over and do their usual fooling around. I just woke up as it happened, so I had to facepalm (something I rarely ever do. I'm a fan of the faceslap on the cheek). I was out of practice, so I got a nosebleed too. * [[@/{{Cesimion}} This Troper ]] had a friend that when said troper made a joke about what song his gravediggers had to listen to,[[IncrediblyLamePun Dig A]] [[ThePrincessAndTheFrog Little Deeper]] made his friend make a big,BIG,facepalm. * Frequent occurrence for [[@/{{Fiwen9430}} this troper]]. Since I wear glasses I tend to ''forehead''palm, as it is too time wasting to take them off. Usually one handed, but two handed and accompanied by head shaking if something is really bad. * This troper has reached such a level of anger at idiocy that he has created a new gesture. [[IncrediblyLamePun Facebook]]. You may join in at any time. * This troper does this quite a lot, although she tends to use two fingers instead of a whole palm, and they usually fall between her eyebrows. Same basic gesture, though (and it's used under the same circumstances.) * [[Contributors/{{SgtFrog1}} This troper]] wears glasses, [[MostTropersAreYoungNerds as many tropers seem to]], so what I do when facepalming is take off my glasses, hang one [[BuffySpeak earholder thing]] between my pointer and middle fingers and facepalm. It's really hard to describe, and I probably just described something that sounds like I poke myself in the eye on a regular basis. I don't. If I'm facepalming at my ''own'' stupidity, I combine a facepalm with either a PrecisionFStrike or a ClusterFBomb, depending on how much of a FAIL I just was. * [[@/{{T-Jack}} This troper]] has mastered facepalming ''around'' his glasses. Basically, he puts the thumb on his mouth and cheek, the little finger's tip on his other cheek and the other three fingers' tips on his forehead. The fact that he can now do it reflexively probably speaks for itself. * This troper, having glasses, tends to take them off, hold them by the bridge, then facepalm. His friends call it a "Fancy facepalm." * [[@/{{Philipnova798}} This Troper]] always faceplams whenever he sees something incredibly dumb. Especially with his mother. * This troper has been known to very calmly stand up, pick up a blunt object and go to beat the offender over the head with it. I don't actually do it, though, obviously... * When this troper needs to facepalm, she picks up her friend's hand and uses it instead of her own. Her friend does that too, but she usually yells "FACEPALM" to make it really clear. * This troper Face Palms a lot, and thinks she does one at least once a day... * This troper surrounds herself with complete, utter morons, including herself, so it's no wonder her life is one big facepalm. Example in point: I told my best friends that hamburgers taste like hamburgers. Cue Epic Fail Facepalming and "Why do I have such a moron for a best

friend?!" * This troper has done this a little too hard and multiple times upon getting an easy question wrong in classroom Jeopardy, resulting in a resounding SLAP and the entire class telling her to calm down and not to hurt herself. * This troper AND the other female members of the immediate family all have the same "are you kidding me"-face to use in Face Palm situations; eyes wide, one eyebrow slightly raised, and mouth set with malcontent. Now feel the stare and be ashamed of your stupidity. * This troper had to be in a debate in Psychology, on whether or not Precognition should be recognized as a field of psychology. We were against it in the debate, that it should not be. One of his teammates, however, seemed to be of the opinion that they were trying to prove that it should be and said so onstage. Cue facepalm. * This troper and her teacher both facepalmed when one of my classmates said, "Humans aren't animals, we're mammals!" * [[{{Reecer6}} I]] facepalm all the time when I read about, see, and possibly hear stupid things. I always do it as a loud smack on my forehead. Sometimes, I'll just hit my head with anything: The desk, a water bottle, the back of my seat, etc. * This Troper facepalms on a regular basis, watching the news and listening to [[YouFailLogicForever bad arguments]], but has not facepalmed as much as [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAFMywH70ow having watched this video]] * This Troper was once reading a post on a pretty major gaming board, shortly after Sony announced that Linux support was going to be deactivated on all PlaystationThree consoles. The widespread opinion seemed to be "who the hell cares, nobody actually ''uses'' Linux," to which one poster replied with the analogy of the U.S. government banning all half-Black-half-Asian people from voting; it wouldn't affect too many people, but it would still be an incredible dick move. At which point the thread promptly degenerated into people posting about how non-white people ''shouldn't'' be allowed to vote for various reasons (all of which had a lot of UnfortunateImplications), which led to This Troper actually facepalming in real-life. * My band director can be seen doing the double facepalm when our playing is particularly dismal. * Due to a tendency to put my foot (or various other bits of my anatomy) in my mouth, I end up facepalming at myself. I use the forehead, dramatic, loud and ''violent'' variety so often I now fear the possibility of brain damage. Doesn't stop me from doing it, though. ** As a side note, I also hit myself on the head when trying to (as I explain to anyone who wants to know what the hell I am doing) restart my brain. It works, actually. * People find it very humorous whenever I do this, it's also on autopilot for me, as well as the double variant, nose-pinch and headmeets-desk/wall. * This troper takes his glasses off, facepalms, and lowers his hand slightly to show his unimpressed eyes. * This troper has a barely controllable urge to go 'Duh!' and/or facepalm when someone near him screws up doing an elementary thing, or

displays things like {{Public Medium Ignorance}} and {{Opinion Myopia}}. Unfortunately, the people that [[SurroundedByIdiots surround]] him do this very, ''very'' frequently. Oh, and they [[HairTriggerTemper get angry]] when he 'Duh!'s/facepalms. * Last year, this troper's class was [[SurroundedByIdiots just... just... ugh]]. She Facepalmed so, so much that in the last part of second semester it was a [[MemeticMutation meme for the guys in her class to]] [[CompletelyMissingThePoint facepalm at everything.]] ''Everything''. * This Troper does a 'TemplePalm', palm on the temple, little finger on the bridge of my nose, ring finger on forehead, middle and index fingers against the side of the head pointing upwards. I generally have my eyes closed and my head tilted forward slightly while doing this. * This Troper does this a bunch of times in her school, particularly whenever we, no, ''her classmates'' do something wrong. She never actually noticed it turn into a habit, up until a friend of hers [[LampshadeHanging called her out while doing it]] and joked that it must be the reason why her face [[LuminescentBlush is red all the time.]] * This Troper makes liberal use of the facepalm and has several different levels. ** When something is mildly stupid: nose pinch and sigh. ** When something is pretty stupid: single-hand facepalm and sigh. ** When something is really stupid: facebury (double-hand facepalm) and groan. ** When something is [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] stupid: doublehanded facepalm, then slides down the face. ** Anything past this level: A blank stare and a FlatWhat. It is at this point that you have officially short-circuited this troper's brain with your idiocy. ** Furthermore, this troper has begun making use of a FacePalm emoticon. * This troper only facepalms in the face of the stupidest of antics. Since moving into a dorm with his roommate, it's become a facepalm a day. This says something. * This troper explained to her mother the concept of facepalming one day. Five minutes later, said mother dragged her into a church (The woman cannot pass by a church without going inside and saying a few prayers, honestly) and the Jesus statue was facepalming. Mom jumped up and down, all excited. "A facepalm, honey! Look! And just after you showed me!" * This troper does this fairly often, but the most notable example was when she facepalmed in front of a large crowd of people when she had entered a spelling bee and misspelled the word "warrior" due to nervousness. * [[@/{{endlessness}} I]] facepalm too much and in inadequate moments. * This troper just saw an unstaged photo of himself, caught while working outdoors. Apparently he's got male pattern baldness going on full charge, with a big open spot just above and to the right of his right eyebrow. The gap is a perfect fit for his right thumb when in the position...this should make it clear how often he is IN that

position. * This troper used to do it so often that recently he's started getting headaches whenever he does it. * This troper facepalms every frickin' day. [[SurroundedByIdiots Idiots seem to run rampant]] in his American History class. * It's more of a foreheadpalm, since I'm trying not to smudge my glasses, but my mother plus technology leads to a bright new red spot in the center of my forehead. This happens often. * This troper facepalms so often that he has a hand shaped imprint on his face, and often has to resort to facedesking. * A case of BeamMeUpScotty heard in real life made this troper facepalm. A older classmate had apparently found out about the gracious memes of internet for first time, so during the school breakes he would shout " I, Am, Sparta!" * This troper, after hearing how the HLN News host prounounced Lulz. [[spoiler: Loolz. It's prounounced ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin]]. * I do this tonight when my classmates are doing wrong in practices. * This Troper constantly finds herself doing this. Usually in response to my crazy little brother. It's also happened in response to a particular pessimistic kid at my youth group. Or I might headdesk in that case. * [[@/OhNoes I usually]] slide my hand up under my glasses to facepalm. Said facepalming is more often than not accompanied with the phrase "Kill me, I'm SurroundedByIdiots." Also, when I perceive a comment to be ''exceedingly'' idiotic and someone beats me to the facepalming punch, I help them out and triple- or [[BeyondTheImpossible quadruple-]]facepalms ensue. ---[=* sigh* =]... [=* =]FacePalm[=* =] I'm SurroundedByIdiots... * [[DragonBallAbridged I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice-cream?]] ** [[TheScream AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!!!]] ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FacialCompositeFailure * In relation to the phenomenon where facial composites end up looking like celebrities: When I was walking home from school in 4th grade, a young man in a car pulled up beside me and asked if I wanted some candy he had in his car (I said no and told him to go away). Later, the best description I could give was that "He looked kind of like that guy who plays Clark Kent on ''{{Smallville}}''." To this day, that guy looks like Tom Welling in my mind.

FagHag * TruthInTelevision Unfortunately for him, ThisTroper knows two, and yes, they [[YaoiFangirl like ''that'']]. At one of them regularly admits to fantasizing pairing him and one of her friends. ** ...[[{{Squick}} Eugh.]] The idea of a of a person who pretends to

be a "friend" to gay men just so she can ogle them feels...[[ParanoiaFuel insidious.]] *** You can truly care about someone ''and'' find their attraction to their own sex hot. **** [[DoubleStandard And as for straight men who befriend lesbians for similar reasons...?]] ***** ...are exactly the same. Someone pretending to be a friend to a girl just to drool over her lesbian-ness is horrible, but not every male friend to a lesbian or bi girl pretending, even if they do feel that GirlOnGirlIsHot. * With my group of friends the stereotype of the lesbians who like nerdy things is pretty much true and thus when going to a small school my friends where made up of male nerds and lesbians. * This LipstickLesbian is/is mistaken for one all the time because almost all of her close friends are gay men.(Changing to first person) I didn't plan it that way...I just met the most awesome gay guys in the world and we became Nakama. My grandmother (whom I am NEVER coming out of the closet to) thinks my best friend and I have a WillAndGrace relationship and I have no plans to inform that that, actually, we're BOTH gay. However, I'm always a little weary about the straight FagHags my friend hangs out with. I have nothing against straight people and [[SomeOfMyBestFriends some of my best friends are straight]], but they are the kind of straights who just accept our sexuality and do not treat us any differently for it. One of my gay guy friends hangs out with several straight girls who are always as nice to me as they are to him until they find I out I'm a lesbian, then they immediately get awkward, standoffish, and even a little homophobic whenever I talk about my dating life ([[NoJustNo like they think I'm going to hit on them]]) which makes me wonder... * TroperTales: Maybe it's a result of hanging out with [[YaoiFangirl slash fangirls]], but most of this (male) troper's female friends are lesbians. * [[AuntZelda This troper]] is an interesting kind of FagHag: she's been one since she was two years old and her father came out of the Closet. * This troper is one of two Fag Hags to a gay Love Triangle. Here's how it works: A, B and C are gay guys, while D and E (that's me) are straight girls. A dated and broke up with B, who later met and fell for C, who dated and broke up with A. D has been B's best friend for years, and recently developed a crush on him. He (obviously) doesn't feel the same way, so they've stayed JustFriends. E (ThisTroper) hit on A for about five minutes before noticing his rainbow bracelet. Isn't this a lovely [[LoveDodecahedron pentagon]]? * [[BigBlue This lesbian troper]] and her [[{{Turtleducks}} girlfriend]] share a Dyke Tyke. He is very tall, deaf, and more effeminate than [[ButchLesbian both of us put together.]] ** Hey, [[{{Turtleducks}} I'm]] [[StraightGay not butch!]] But seriously, he always calls us his favorite lesbian friends. And then tries to get us to make out and stuff. *** Aw, he's just teasing. **** And now he's actually come out as gay, so that kind of makes us his fag hags at the same time...

* This troper is one, but in her case, she and her GayBestFriend were friends long before he knew he was gay/came out of the closet. OK, so she ''is'' overweight and perpetually single, but he's the one who always gripes about men to ''her.'' ** Naturally. With [[DesertDragon This troper]] and his Hag, she bitches about how all the good men are either taken or gay, while he bitches about how they're all taken or ''straight''. And thus balance is maintained in the universe. * [[AXavierB This troper]] has his hag whom he hasn't seen in over a year. * This straight male troper is the inverse. He is a member of a smallish co-ed fraternity which is well-known for its acceptance of GLBT members. He had two littles in his time in the fraternity - both were lesbians. Both went on to have lesbian littles of their own. His pledging tree went ten years between straight females. * This troper has been accused of being one since she is constantly surrounded by gay men, but mildly justified, as she is a lesbian. * This troper is surrounded by a coterie of LipstickLesbian fag hags, whom he reciprocally serves as les bro. * [[BUD001 This Troper]] has a legion of hags. Note that i use the hag term in a positive way, and that means most of my straight girl friends. Both of his fag-hag-in-chiefs are straight and have their own active love life (one married, one not) and both their husbands are very thankful that I am arouund because they no longer need to do any "women" things with my hags (shopping, dining out, watching SexandtheCity ....) * Another inverse here. I'm a straight male and had several lesbian friends over the years, and even set two of them up. * This troper has several female friends who forget, while he likes men, [[BiTheWay he still likes women.]] This leads to all sorts of situations these girls set up, like changing in front of him. Now, [[ChivalrousPervert he shields his eyes]] and reminds them of his sexuality, [[HilarityEnsues which causes awkwardness]]. * "Fag Hags are stereotypically portrayed as overweight... at worst, she's a neurotic drama queen who is either promiscuous or perpetually single." <--- Oh shit, that's me. Oh well, in this tropers case is also not about looking intentionally gay friends to hang out, but one day looking back and realizing 3/4 of her male friends are gay (at first not noticeable as many went out of the closet between the years) Strange enough she doesn't know any lesbian yet. * I'd never heard the term lez bro before, but recently I've become one. The girl I've become recently involved with is bisexual and most of her friends are lesbians and they've adopted me into they're group. I think they're so comfortable with me because I've always had better friendships with girls than guys. It's funny sitting at lunch and realizing I'm checking out girls, and the people agreeing on which ones are good looking are all women. * This troper's friend seems to be an example. She doesn't have anything against it, but the gay friends her friend has are all pretty bitchy to this troper. * This troper is an aversion. Yes, she has a couple of gay friends, and yes, she's a little bit HollywoodHomely. But she doesn't hang with

these guys because they're gay, but because they're likeable people. And she doesn't expect them to dish on their bedroom goings-on, in fact, just like with her straight friends, she's likely to be a little bit flummoxed if they do anyway. And actually, she doesn't see them too often anymore since moving away to college. * All the gays in this troper's class have plenty of female friends (one of them is a living ChickMagnet, once with three simultaneous girls trying to get his attenttion!). * This troper is a stag. When I first went away to school I ended up forming somewhat of a nakama with my friends from marching band which happened to include a gay guy. Over time everyone started going off and doing different stuff and eventually it ended up just the two of us hanging out all the time. Since then I've pretty much gotten used to being dragged along to gay bars and drag shows. ** and actually we'd both be considered [[LezBro Lez Bros]] to our one other friend * [[{{Tropers/Luna87}} This troper's]] mom dubbed her this when she joined her college's LGBT/Straight alliance (probably trying to [[BiTheWay avoid the obvious]]). * ''Very'' obvious with some girls this troper knows. A relatively unpopular but overall decent guy (and a former friend of mine) came out to me as gay (I didn't care about his orientation and neither did a mutual friend of ours), and then came out to other people. A couple of girls who had never noticed or cared about him much before suddenly started to fawn over him because they wanted a gay best friend. Fast forward to the present day. He's their best friend, has changed from a good person to a gossip and a drama queen and I barely speak to him (neither does the former mutual friend, although he and I are still friends). ** Ugh. Some girls in my school ''tried'' that with me when I told them I was gay, despite the fact that I could care less about gossip and whatnot. Thankfully I already had a few friends who shared my interests (gaming, fantasy, tech stuff) and didn't care that I was gay, so I didn't have to become a totally different person for the sake of fitting in. * This ([[BiTheWay bisexual]]) troper has a group of about five friends that she regularly hangs out with. Three of them are lesbians, and the other two are a boy and a girl who are often subjected to being called our Lez Bros. We even set the male one up with our gay friend's hag. * This troper is a LezBro. Which is amusing because he called his lesbian friends lesbros or brosbians before seeing this trope page. This troper also has a handful of gay male friends, but nobody who quite fits the {{Nakama}} definition just yet. This troper chalks it up to being a [[LonersAreFreaks natural]] [[TheAloner outsider]] [[NotGoodWithPeople who has trouble]] [[IJustWantToHaveFriends making friends with]] [[AllTheOtherReindeer so-called normal people]]. Most of his straight friends tend to be foreign or of a different ethnic group. * This troper. Her best friend (one of her only friends) is a gay guy that she's known her whole life. They both joke that he's [[LampshadeHanging her sassy gay friend.]] They pretty much do

everything together. * This troper. She swears it wasn't on purpose. She has 3 Gay best friends, that even though it was quite obvious, took a while to come out of the closet. And even then, she's friends with them because of their personalities. Not because of their sexual orientation. All 3 of them still call her their bitch though. Hmmm. * Inverted with this gay troper, who has his own little collection of [[YaoiFangirl straight girls]]. * Theres a girl at my school who fits this tropes so well its not even funny. She has surrounded herself with so many gay guys, thats its gotton to the point that if your a guy, and your her friend, that alone will be speculation on weather your straight or not * I used to know a "Hag". [[BitchInSheepsClothing She really wasn't that nice of a person though.]] The two guys she hung out with all the time, who were dating each other, she decided to nickname "Gay Bois". As in, "I'm hanging out with my Gay Bois today." It [[BerserkButton bugged me to no end]] because it seemed like she was only their Hag because of the novelty of it, instead of hanging out with them cuz she liked them for who they are. I was talking to one of the guys about it over lunch the other day and it turned out that it bugged him too. ** Same troper's ex boyfriend is also kind-of one. Most of his friends are lesbian girls. One of them, hilariously, is always being told she looks like Justin Bieber. Her [[BerserkButton reaction]] is priceless. * This troper is beginning to be thought of as one. Technically she only hangs around ONE "gay" guy (who's actually bisexual, but most people assume he's gay because he's flamboyant and likes boys more). Unfortunately many people seem to forget that she herself is bisexual, which is why we connected in the first place. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FailedASpotCheck Where was that trope? I swear I had it a minute ago... ---* [[Tropers.ReikoKazama Troper]] was playing around with a flash drive that she had put some photos and a note-letter-type-thing to her best friend/[[HeterosexualLifePartners Heterosexual Life Partner]] [[hottip:*:Was twirling it around on my index finger... it had a little chain thing hanging off it with a ring-type-thingy on the end. The ring-type-thingy is apparently used to hook it onto things.]]. Flash drive flew off my finger and I could not for the life of me see where the hell it landed. [[IncrediblyLamePun Flash]] forward to today and my mother finds the flash drive... ON THE CHAIR IN FRONT OF MY DAD'S COMPUTER. I was ''this close'' to bashing my head against the table. Repeatedly. [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Probably until I would've cracked my head open or something.]] * This troper's sister. Her vision was apparently based on movement. Troper was sitting in a chair absolutely motionless (she was reading) when her sister walked over to the chair looking for something on the

desk, still not seeing troper, until she said, "Hey.". The ''neighbors'' heard the scream. * This troper once used the bathroom at a movie theater and actually sat behind someone for about a minute before she turned around and glared at me... The worst part is that I said "eh, no urinals.. that's odd." to myself before she did. As Flock of Seagulls said "I ran, I ran so far away." * Many tropers report failing spot checks for items such as glasses, pencils, remote controls, wallets, and keys. Common locations for them include: wearing them, behind the ear, in their hand, pocket, sitting on the table, in the back of the fridge (for milk), and in the sofa. This has gotten to the point that some tropers simply stop looking for the item, because it will show up better that way. ** Often {{justified}} in the case of glasses since, well, if you need glasses you obviously can't see very well without them. *** [[@/{{Argetlahm}} This guy]] is ashamed to admit that he actually set about patting his pockets in search of his cell phone, since he always keeps it in one particular pocket. He was, at that point, actually speaking to someone on said cell phone. **** On the subject of patting pockets, this troper will pat them when searching for something, even something which couldn't possibly be there like the remote control. **** This troper always starts by searching his pockets, and then the pockets of the pants he wore yesterday. Justified, however, since I habitually wear cargo pants. Even worse in the winter, when the cargo pants and the hoodie together make eight pockets, minimum. ***** This troper, whenever he is looking for something, will always instinctively begin by looking for it... on his right arm, just below the wrist, where he usually keeps his watch. **** [[@/GGCrono This troper]], who needs his glasses to see more than a foot but has to take them off to read, tends to push them up onto his forehead when they're momentarily not needed, and has forgotten that they were there more than he'd care to admit. ***** This Troper once was holding his Nintendo DS's touch screen pen to type, and then forgot he had it. He was holding it with his mouth. ****** This Troper once searched frantically for an NES cartridge that he wanted to borrow... only to find it ''in his hand''. ******* Ditto for this troper, but with his ''cell phone''. *** This Troper's dad once admitted to searching all through the house for his glasses, before realizing he was ''wearing'' them. **** This Troper has done that. Now, any time he's looking for his glasses, the first thing he'll do is FacePalm to make sure they're not on his face. It's not like I need them for short distances, or even long distances if I don't necessarily need to make out fine details... *** This troper often does the exact same thing. Never once does it occur to him that he's seeing awfully well for someone who needs his glasses to see more than a few inches... *** This troper frequently panics, thinking she has lost her glasses, only to realise she's actually wearing them when someone points this out. *** This troper is notorious for this. She remembers just last night searching high and low for one of her four USB drives, only to find

it--and all four of them--[[VictoriasSecretCompartment in her bra.]] *** [[@/{{Metz77}} This troper]] was driving home from work one day when his phone rang. He reached in to send the call to voicemail... and panicked, because his keys weren't in his pocket. *** This Troper once looked all over for her flipflops, then had her Dad help help her look. They were in the the middle of the floor in plain sight. *** [[@/{{mehayo}} This troper]] recently witnessed a fellow employee of his job as where his phone was, while checking FaceBook on his iPhone. *** This troper once spent fifteen minutes looking for a pair of scissors that was in her hand, and once went looking for her cell phone while she was ''on it'', talking to her father, who just laughed at her. ** [[@/ScudEast This Troper]] believes he holds the record for pencils misplaced behind the ear: three at one time. He was adding a fourth (stacked on top of the second) when he realized why his head felt funny... ** [[Tropers/RedWren This troper]] once her iPod, when it was...in her hand. ** I once spent an hour looking for my earphones...later, I realized they had been safely in my pocket, sitting there and mocking me while I tore down the house. ** This Troper often checks his pockets when he's out to make sure he has everything. On more than one occasion he has freaked out because his headphones were missing, only to notice, ten or so seconds later, that he was using them. ** This Troper had turned the house upside down, searching for her DS, I then ran to my Mother, only then I figured it out I was holding after acknowledging the fact it was in my hand during my explanation to her. * I tamper with other people's spot checks. I'm functionally invisible, intangible, and nonexistent. Until I force them to notice me. * This troper once got into someone else's car (identical and both unlocked). The "wrong" car was equipped with an automatic transmission, and this troper wondered for a second why his [[DrivingStick clutch pedal was missing...]] * This troper has forgotten where he left his house keys -- they were in the OTHER pocket. * Oh good lord... this troper does this all the damned time. Just the other day this troper was looking for the post office so that he could buy a book of stamps (this troper had moved into the town in question several years ago and doesn't get out nearly as often as he should, apparently), and passed right by the big orange brick building (three guesses and the first two don't count what it was) along the main drag trying to find it. This troper at least got some good exercise walking along town, but had to ask the lady at the store where the hell it was -- over by the credit union. Let's just say this troper did a faceslap upon finally finding it. One of my many "where is my brain today?" moments, to say the very least. * Happens to [[@/{{djkates}} this Troper]] so often that he has a

CatchPhrase for it -- "If it were a snake..." (the old saying finishes, "it would have bitten me.") I don't even bother with the second clause. ** [[@/{{Seanette}} My]] grandfather uses this phrase. Yes, I frequently fail spot checks, including the time I failed to notice that I was sitting on the checkbook my mother was frantically rummaging through the car for. * This troper was driving a bus to school, but accidentally left one bus stop earlier than necessary. Upon realizing this, he waited at the bus stop for 15 minutes for a bus that would take him further... and never realized that the bus stop he was waiting at was right opposite his school, and that he was staring straight at his school for 15 minutes without realizing. Instead of waiting 15 minutes, he could just walk across the street to get there. * This troper's mother can't find anything that goes into her purse. The troper however, can almost instantly find it, usually her keys. It got to the point where she wouldn't even look and would just hand the purse over. * [[@/{{Artful}} This troper]] once stepped out onto a patio, closed the screen door, went to go back in, wondered if he forgot something, decided he didn't, and walked back in.... right through the stillclosed screen door. * This troper's mother once couldn't find her sunglasses. She looked everywhere before this troper said "Mom, they're on your head." This troper hasn't let her live it down since (not that said troper doesn't fail spot checks regularly as well). * This troper's mother once walked four miles to pick up this troper from school because she (the mother) had lost her car keys. As soon as she met this troper in front of the school, she found the keys in her pocket. And yes, this troper had to be escorted home. Let's not even go there. * This troper spent fifteen minutes frantically searching for a pencil before he looked down and realized he was ''holding one.'' * This troper and his family so frequently fail to find objects in plain sight ("Don't put it where it won't get lost, or else it will!") that we've resorted to putting important things in really out-of-theway places. Perhaps justified in that we think about where we're putting them (sometimes pretty hard), so the location comes to mind. * This troper tends to fail spot checks on large things, like traffic. This has resulted in slamming into cars twice, and walking smack into a slow-moving bus once. * [[@/HersheleOstropoler This troper]] has deleted more missed calls from his girlfriend than he cares to admit off his cellphone. Those are the ones made from six inches away when he's tangled it in the blankets. Or when it's within arm's reach but not in his line of sight. * This troper refers to such events as 'Idiot Moments' * [[@/PotatoBucket This troper]] has walked into things right in front of him; walked into the wrong room and sat down for five minutes before realizing; fallen ''down the stairs'' because he missed seeing a step... In fact, one of the most common things he's been known to do when he notices something in somebody's house he hasn't noticed before

is say "How long has that been there?" to which his friends will reply "Dude, like, three months." Not to mention he has a bad habit of forgetting where he put things ten seconds after he put them there. In a startling subversion, though, he has a keen eye for find really small, trivial things like tiny magnets on the floor at Wal-Mart. * This troper once managed, at college, to walk into a parking meter. * [[@/ManCalledTrue This editor's]] hat regularly rolls a higher Hide check than his Spot check. As it's his NiceHat, he doesn't like to leave the house without it. As if he weren't enough of a {{Hikikomori}}... ** Actually, forget that - he has managed to walk past a ''large green van'' without noticing its presence until much later. * [[@/AK47x2 This troper]] has managed to miss someone carrying a massive camera in a crowded room. And not notice that somebody he had known for a year or so had no right hand. ** And, in the middle of the play, not noticed that the person he was facing and talking to had her dress fall off halfway through. She had another dress on underneath, though, which probably helped. * [[@/TheTubstar This troper]] has a habit of failing spot checks when it comes to noticing anyone attractive, to the point where my (straight female) friends could point out a hot woman walking past (they are aware of the fact that I tend to fail spot checks) and I could still end up not seeing them... * This troper is usually good about these things, but once, he was looking frantically for his glasses after falling asleep, only to realize that he was wearing them, and he once looked for his truck keys...while he was driving said truck. * This troper does this often enough that her roommates will walk in to the room, see her frantically searching for something, and promptly ask "Failed your spot check?" promptly answered by a more-or-less anguished "Yes!" * This troper's friend once stepped out into the road, looked left, directly at a BLAZE ORANGE car, ''and kept going.'' It took the other two of us shouting at him to get him to realize he was about to be plastered - for the twelfth time. We all agree he has a spot check modifier of at LEAST -6. * This troper is known to take at least -20 penalty on spot checks when he's out walking alone, to the point where he repeatedly fails to notice people who are right in front of him until they make themselves known verbally, and sometimes not even then. [[Main/HeadphonesEqualIsolation It's even worse if he's listening to music]], but applies even when he isn't. ** ...Erick? * Recently, this troper has forgotten to bring his handphone along when he went out. On the bus, I checked my pockets and panicked * - I thought I'd dropped it again. * This troper is a very inexperienced driver, and her boyfriend is... very experienced. Last weekend we went to a car meet for his favorite car, and when we were trying to get to the hotel, I noticed that the turn lane suddenly became a lane on the other side of the street, for the other direction's traffic. He didn't. He pulled right out into it. He failed his spot check. This troper shouted at him "NO DON'T DO THAT

IT'S NOT A TURN LANE" until he got back into the right one, no harm, no foul, but that was a scary spot check fail. This troper is lucky she has HyperAwareness... but even that doesn't stop her from failing a check looking for her keys all the time. * This troper once lost his wallet on a train, and after it had become clear that it wouldn't be found there, he reported his credit- and other cards missing, and was just walking to police station to report a theft... when he found the wallet in the opposite pocket where he had accidentally put it while not wearing it. Thankfully, unlike a certain acquaintance of his, he at least wasn't abroad at the time. * Lately this seems to be inverted in my case, as I will always quickly turn my head to look at something I saw in the corner of my eye, like, for instance, my sister's ''shadow''. However, one time, I was so shocked by suddenly hearing my father, who was right in front of me, that the noise I made shocked ''him''. * Most cyclists have been the object of a failed spot check at least once. In addition to the usual absent-minded [[ToyotaTripwire opening of a car door]] or neglected blind spot double-checking, this troper was once almost hit, while wearing a day-glo vest, in broad daylight, in the middle of an intersection when a motorist decided it was a great time to make a left turn. * On a similar note, one troper and her husband were the victims of a failed spot check by another person. We were sitting at a stop light minding our own business, on a clear and sunny day, mid-afternoon, pointed north. We were rear-ended by a woman who claimed to have not seen our white car (or its brake lights) - or the stop light. Given her age (somewhere in her 80s, IIRC), the troper (who does like senior citizens in general) sincerely hopes the offender ceased driving very shortly thereafter. * This troper's family never let her forget the time she walked into a street sign. They were walking along an ordinary pavement, everyone else had successfully passed under or around the giant, incredibly obvious blue sign... then they heard a clang, turned round and saw her sitting on the pavement looking startled. [[HilarityEnsues Cue hilarity.]] * This troper has walked into a lamppost once. But she was reading at the time. And just recently she went to shower with her glasses on, but that is more like failing a memory check or something. (You're not supposed to see them when they're on.) ** This Troper has done the same thing. It helped that it was four PM, and usually I shower before I ever even touch my glasses. I also missed my keys, in my hand; My Laptop, in my lap; My shirt, over my head; My headlamp, on my forehead. The only thing I never fail to spot is my watch. It is also the smallest thing I own. * This troper literally had one ''right before'' he clicked on this link. His wife wanted him to set the timer for cupcakes, and, while staring ''right at it'', he kept saying to her "but where is it?" even after she said it was in front of his face. . * I just want to say this is my whole freaking life. I spent 10 minutes looking for my glasses while they were on, despite the fact that I'm half {{blind without them}}. I lost my check book for 6 months because I had put it my see through coat pocket. I lose my

backpack every single term at least once. One interesting thing is when I get stressed looking for things I just can not see them, so now I just give up and walk around. That way I sometimes find things. * This troper once couldn't find her school tie when getting ready in the morning. She was wearing it. * This troper can't find her keys if she puts them down anywhere other than their designated spot on the bookshelf nearest the door. She has also been known to put in her contact lenses, then attempt to put on her glasses ''because she forgot she could see.'' The scariest part is that she works as an administrative assistant and has to look after her boss, who is even worse. ** Uh oh, it's contagious! * This troper continually reaches up to readjust his glasses... only to remember that he doesn't wear glasses anymore. In one particularly bad incident, he reached up, stopped, remembered he wasn't wearing glasses, then tried to readjust them anyway. * "Where did I put the car key? Oh, it's in the ignition..." * This troper once ran full-tilt into a bookcase. And fell into multiple open drains. And walked into a door. And pulled a door open into her face. ** ''Open drains?'' What the hell kind of place do you live in? * This troper's sister has walked into a sign in a store, sledded into a lamppost (which isn't so funny as it left her seriously injured), and off a ledge. The last prompted comments about relying on cartoon physics. * Whilst driving around with his friends, this troper (as a passenger) will often ''not'' point out the obvious (curbs, traffic lights), assuming that the driver ''had'' to have noticed them. ''They'' FailedASpotCheck, and I get chastised for not telling them. * Yesterday this troper started searching frantically for her handbag... inside her handbag. * This troper spent several frantic seconds searching through her backpack for a textbook. It's not here! It's not here! Or hereorhereorhere! Where on earth did I ''put'' it? Did I take it out? Did I ''lose'' it? Oh man, I am so ''screwed'', I-- oh, look, here it is. I put it on the desk in front of me. * FacePalm* * In the good old days, the DungeonsAndDragons skill was named "Spot Hidden". That made this trope a better joke, since then you would say "You just failed your 'Spot Obvious' roll." * When this troper was a kid, he spent half the day searching for a toy helicopter that he was holding in his hand ''the entire time''. * One time while playing [=DnD=], I decided to mess around, checking for traps, spot checking for party members, etc. I spot checked my sword... and failed with a natural 1. Then I continued to fail 5 times in a row. 0_o * Something of a variation, this troper finds things more easily with a cursory search than a thorough one - the only explanation he can find is that his Spot modifier is much higher than his Search. * This troper remembers talking to his friend on his phone, all the while searching for his phone. It took five minutes to sink in. But at least his powers of fail work for him - he regularly walks into lampposts instead of across a busy road, which shouldn't happen

statistically. Hmm. Maybe God DOESN'T hate him after all. * This troper couldn't find her glasses once. They were, by the trope, on her nose. This, despite the fact that she can't see past her nose without them. To make matters even more ridiculous, she put on a ''second'' pair of glasses so that she could see clearer (an old pair with a smaller prescription), and only ''then'' did she notice that something was off about her sight. * This troper has a habit of putting things like pens in her mouth if she needs to do something else whilst writing or drawing, then spending a great deal of time trying to remember where she put her pen, occasionally chewing on said thing as she thinks. She did this the other day with her tablet stylus, digging through her duvet and bedroom floor while the damn thing was in her mouth the whole bloody time. * This troper still checks his pocket for his wallet, while LOOKING at his wallet. Which he is holding. It is a nueroses he is glad to have. * More like a Failed a Memory Check or Failed a Spot the Obvious Check, this troper regularly leaves his room to get a knife or other implement, gets to the kitchen, opens the fridge, starts blankly for a few seconds then gives up, returns to his room, only to remember and return to repeat it. This once happened SEVEN times in a row. ** That's a fairly common problem. Remembering IF something had been done is one of my larger problems -- most frequently locking the door after leaving work. The routine goes something like this: lock door, turn toward the parking lot, take two steps, forget if the door was locked, turn around, check to make sure, turn toward the parking lot, take two steps... * This troper regularly fails spot checks against objects with a Hide check of 1. He has lost his glasses (while they were on his face), called people to ask if they've seen his phone,the battery might be dead, misplaces things that he just set down on a clean floor or clear table, misplaces things that he just picked up, misplaces doors (both on and, twice, off the hinges), and occasionally sets his dinner on the counter and then wondering why he walked into the next room with a loaf of bread, when he had just cooked a perfectly good meal. And don't ever ask him if he likes your new haircut/shirt/dog/prosthetic arm/stolen city bus, or expect him to notice you greeting and waving with as little as a window between you. * As a kid, this troper was playing hide-and-seek with her friends. One of them hid by... Sitting on a bed. No, not under the bed nor even under the blanket, she was just sitting on it. Well, she was behind the headboard, but it only covered her from one direction. She was the ''last'' one to be found; the seeker looked ''under'' said bed, and walked right past her twice, but did not notice her before everyone (the hiding person included) had started to laugh hysterically. This troper has also recently collided with a lamppost while walking down a street and looking for landscapes to paint. She forgot to look in front of herself. Her mother also once failed to find a cell phone she wanted to use as a make-shift flashlight. She was, of course, talking to it. ** More recently, this troper was playing hide and seek at church. She sat on a sofa in plain view. The seeker raced past her several times

and she managed to keep a straight face all the time. Hiding in plain view [=FTW=]. * This troper once lost her keys. She practically roamed through her entire (very small) apartment looking for them; one of the things she did was to take every object off her (messy) table, put them all on the floor, and place them back on the table one by one. She searched every place she had visited during the previous day despite being sure she had used said keys to come back to the apartment the last night (she had one spare key, but didn't recall using it). Later, she just gave up. When she was using a computer, she started playing with a random object in her free hand. It took her some time to notice said random object was her keys. To this day, she can't comprehend where they had been, but it has to have been on the table, in plain sight... * This troper has, on several occasions, forgot she was wearing her glasses. She then checks her face for them (after several moments of panicking), but it's in a way that can only be described as an 'openpalmed face grope,' in no way inconspicuous. * This happens with such frequency in this troper's family that we call it "the [insert my last name here] look" * This troper was at Disney World this winter, and he and his brother split off from the rest of the family for a few hours. When they attempted to meet up again, in the Pirates of the Caribbean gift shop, this troper literally stood right next to them (they were sitting down), scanned the area, and asked his brother where the heck they were. * This troper had a friend in college who would routinely run into lampposts, mailboxes, signs, and once almost ran into a deer. ALL OF THIS WAS ON FOOT, including the friggin ''deer''. She also one time came into the dorm lobby from a run, saw about 6~7 people watching something on TV, and sat down on the couch. Twenty minutes later, the guy she sat on asks if she had even noticed him. She hadn't, and neither he nor she have lived it down since. ** That was probably a failed Spot Check for the deer too. * In college, this troper spent over an hour trying to figure out where she'd gone wrong on a homework problem. It was a mathematical/engineering question that she'd figured out 31 equations with 32 unknowns for, and was going crazy because she couldn't think of an equation she missed. All of this excellent math and what happens? She miscounted the unknowns. Her boyfriend had great fun with that one. * This troper once opened up a glass sliding door and started to step outside, completely failing to notice the still-closed screen door. Ouch. * This troper has walked into mirrors, failing to notice herself in the mirror walking towards her. * This troper has failed spot checks for nearly everything conceivable. Food items, games, important electronics, you name it, he's failed at finding it. A more notorious example would be not seeing the TV remote '''sitting right next to him in plain sight, and had been used five seconds before.''' Said remote is also half the size of the troper's laptop screen. * This troper's boyfriend has a rather nasty habit of doing this with,

say, his car keys. This had led us to getting into his compact and him asking where he put the keys and I calmly point to the -ignition he just put them in-, or, on worse cases with the Jeep he also has, my rather more fit self unzipping the back so I can crawl in them and grab them because he locked all the doors with them still in. At least I'm spry, or else I don't know what he'd do. * A couple days ago, this troper was desperately hunting for her lost house key, unable to find it, praying to get it because she NEEDS it. Her mother saw her standing helplessly in the living room and asked "Is it on the key rack?" Cue slow blink, troper looks... you can guess the rest of the story, can't you? * The other day, this troper failed a Spot check on a flight of stairs. She was merrily walking along when the floor suddenly disappeared from underneath her. ** Hope you're OK! *** Yeah, just a few bruises and a completely shattered sense of dignity. * This troper will sometimes forget whether or not he put the garage door down and will have to drive back to the house to make sure. Another time, a few weeks ago, he couldn't find his car keys and looked everywhere for them. Growing frustrated and hungry, I used the spare set to go get something to eat. Upon returning and eating, I continue my search for the keys. As it turns out, they were on my desk, just not where I usually put them. They were on the slide out part that holds the keyboard. * Here's a neat trick. Say, like [[@/{{Vulpy}} me]], you run a TabletopRPG for a group of GenreSavvy players. Randomly ask for Spot/Listen/Notice/Whatever rolls before describing a small detail in the setting, and make doubly sure to record everyone's results. You don't have to ''do'' anything with them, but be sure to chuckle to yourself whenever everyone rolls low. One of my group is still waiting on the end result of "sabotage" of their CoolShip that they think happened two years ago in "real world" time. People are ''so'' afraid of failing their spot checks in RealLife that they're nervous about being snuck up on everywhere else, too. ** That's actually a good way to simulate the false positives that happen to people that are hyperaware/paying too much attention. Yes, they see a lot of stuff but... they also see a lot of stuff. * [[@/{{soup}} This troper]], along with her family misplaced a cat. Yes, a cat. He was young at the time, and was in danger of being easily eaten by hawks or attacked by other cats if he got outside without our supervision. We frantically searched for him inside and out. Then, this troper walked down the hallway with the purpose of checking a closet, and found the seal-point Siamese cat hiding it's head, front paws, and shoulders inside a small black sandal, with the rest of it hanging out the back, keeping totally still and looking very pleased with himself. Of course this is the same cat that was found (although we weren't looking for him frantically as he had grown) in the fridge. ** AWWWWWWWWWW. That's friggin' adorable... * This troper does this all the time, notably when told to look for things, which also affects cleaning. His dad complains that he's

blind. This often results in feeling like "your brain stopped working". * This Troper and his entire family has this problem. We've lost things such as keys, sunglasses, telephones, cell phones, remote controls, Wii motes, our cat once (somehow), and enough pencils and pens to fill a closet. but the worst one was when this troper went on vacation with his family to visit some extended family. During a black out (it was still light out enough to see, but not enough to see small details) this troper and his cousin were looking for the flashlight all over her room, even using it to look under bed for it. It took us ten minutes to realize she was holding it. * For a variation, this troper managed a critical failure on a ''Search'' check: he was discussing ''[[HisDarkMaterials the Golden Compass/Northern Lights]]'' with a friend and bemoaned his failure to find them... said friend immediately pointed down to where several copies of both ''The Subtle Knife'' and ''The Amber Spyglass'' were sitting cheerfully on a shelf. He's still not entirely sure this was a good thing. * This troper was playing co-op on ''Kane & Lynch'' with his admittedly stupid friend. The friend wanted a submachine gun after killing a squad of goons with a pistol, and in the process accidentally picked one up. He then continued to look for a submachine gun, not getting why this troper was laughing hysterically the whole time until he pointed at the screen, showing the massive [=MP5=] on Lynch's back that had been in his view the whole time. * This troper's friend manages to fail even easy spot checks. Fortunately, this is consistent between his characters in [=RPG=]s and his real life self. * This troper once noticed her father wasn't at the dinner table, so she asked where he was. Turns out he had been gone for four days. Woops. * This troper: "Hey, where'd my pen go? Oh right, it's IN MY MOUTH." Thankfully, this has only happened once. Or maybe twice. * This troper once took out his wallet to take out his ID card for security clearance, then a couple seconds after going inside, he was still holding his wallet with one hand when he instinctively used his other hand to check his pockets when he noticed his wallet wasn't in his pocket. He panicked for a second before remembering that it was in his other hand. * This troper once [[WhatAnIdiot turned left onto Main Street from a two-way stop]], and misjudged the distance and velocity of that other car. Totalled his own car as a result. No-one was hurt, though. * This troper failed a Spot check today. On her cane. While she was using it to walk. * This troper, when she moved into her new (quite small) apartment a few days ago, had to fill out a form, noting the condition of the floors, walls, etc. She managed to completely fail at finding the laundry room. It took a trip to the front desk to set her straight. As an added bonus, she left her keys at the desk afterward. While she was rummaging through her purse for them (outside the door for the wrong apartment!), the desk aide came up to give them to her and this troper did not even recognize her. This kind of situation is not at all

unusual for this troper, unfortunately. * This is how this troper's cat died. The feline in question had a habit of jumping in open cars and curling up on the floor, and evidently did so after a morning grocery run. Five hours locked in the August heat did the rest. Not only did this troper fail to spot her when he shut his car doors after emptying the vehicle of groceries, but he also missed her when he took the dogs out after lunch. The cat in question was old, bony, covered in scabs, probably more than a little insane due to a new cat in the house, and had a love-hate relationship with this troper's family. But still... that was not a good way to die... (''sigh'') A cautionary tale, and an example of the importance of putting ranks into Perception. * [[@/ShadicTheHedgehog This Troper]] has had other people fail spot checks to notice him. Including times he was sitting directly across from his dad (Who then asked someone else in the room where he was), and when waiting in line for a drink at the drinking fountain (which had a mirror beside it). * This troper's friend once failed a Spot Check... with a mirror. Yes, it was dark, but still, a ''mirror''... ** You didn't notice the mirror, you didn't notice yourself, or you saw the mirror but didn't realize it was yourself? [[@/JET73L This troper]]'s done all three. * [[@/TheRenaissanceRaver This Troper]], full stop. However, she has a different way of referencing it. This troper and her friends play an RPG called ''Chill''. No, instead of making spot checks and rolling high with d20s, you have to make perception rolls (or "purple rolls" as most people in the group call them) and rolling ''low'' with a pair of d10s (or with one a percentile die and a d10). Critical successes are a score of 01 to 05, and critical failures? 95-00 ("double-ott," otherwise known as ''100''). It has become so incredibly common that whenever someone asks her to look for something, especially if they know her well, she will continuously {{Lampshade}} it and ask if they know what they're asking. More often than not, someone ''else'' will find what was being looked for, after this troper had completely passed right by it. Cue the line: "Crit fail on my perception roll... ...''again.''" ** This is also common to the point that making critical successes on said roll means that ''something's '''wrong'''''. * This troper doesn't normally pay much attention to where my family drives and will notice something he finds out of place. I ask "How long has that been there?" Normally it's my brother who says "Where have YOU been for the last X weeks? That's been there!" * [[@/{{Ryumaru}} This Troper]] has got to be some kind of half-ninja or something, given how frequently he goes unnoticed. Evidently, being quiet and low-key works wonders for stealth. [[MundaneUtility I've actually used this to sneak past people I don't want to talk to.]] * This troper has, several times, done the following in the morning: Wake up, look for glasses in their usual place, discover they're not there. Get out of bed, look around the room bleary-eyed, fail to find glasses due to blurry sight. Pick up glasses from table next to him, put them on, and continue to search for glasses now he can see properly.

* Once when I was a child I was playing Hide and Seek and, instead of hiding, decided to just sit with my hands over my eyes. The person looking walked in, looked around and walked out again. Then spent another thirty minutes looking for me elsewhere until they gave up. ** Maybe the person took a lesson from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, which believes that, if you can't see it, it can't see you. * A friend of my Mum's had two absolutely ''saddening'' ones on an overseas holiday in quick succession. First, she 'lost' her credit card. Spent about half an hour [[{{Wangst}} Wangsting]] about it, then found it in her backpack. Then, she 'lost' her '''passport'''. Cue a whole HOUR crying and wangsting about it while Mum, myself and Mum's friend's son try to find a solution. We decided to go to the police after that whole hour of searching. My Mum reached for the car keys... And guess what? The passport was ''right next to the car keys in front of Mum's friend '''all along!''''' I locked myself in the bedroom and [[{{Facepalm}} facepalmed]]. * This troper, who at a point in time went to sailing camp, has failed a spot check on a ''lake'' despite walking on the docks. The results should be obvious. * This troper once failed a spot check on my car. I went outside to drive to class, looked for my car, couldn't find it, and checked 3 other streets I occasionally park on. While walking back I noticed my car in its usual spot. Worse, my car's a large green minivan with bumper stickers everywhere. * This tropers wife is the exact opposite. If I can't find something (which is most of the time) I ask her to find it, because no matter what, she'll find it. Unless it's her glasses, then I find them. It's gotten worse since we've gotten cats. I'll walk into the kitchen, see the female cat sitting in her usual place on top of the microwave, wonder where the other cat is, only to realize several minutes later, he's been sitting on the table ''two feet away from me'' staring intently at me the whole time. Once I spot him, only then will he meow at me. ** Schrodinger's cat? * This troper's grandmother tends to do this: she'll walk into a room and not notice me until I speak or move; and then she'll be ''quite'' startled. So I've taken to chanting "I'm here, I'm here, don't be scared, I'm here" whenever I feel this is about to happen. It works. Sometimes. * This troper lost his [[HeadphonesEqualIsolation headphones]] the last day before a long weekend a few weeks ago. Like, an hour before school let out. After spending a week or two having to deal with the [[SurroundedByIdiots world around him]], he finally found them in one of his jacket pockets. The same jacket he wears everyday and the pocket he usually puts his iPod in. [[{{Zipperiffic}} Frickin' zippers]]. * This troper will repeatedly miss things while watching the side of the road when in his family's car. If I point out something I never noticed before my brother will reply with a loud "Ya ''think''?" My normal response is "Well I didn't know!" * This troper was once driving with a friend, and came to a two-way stop, crossing four lanes that did not stop, and needed to turn left.

He waited for a while, and then saw an opening and started to turn when his friend said, "Watch out for that bus." His response right before hitting the bus head-on? "What bus?" * The list of things I couldn't find when I was looking for them at the time has, for God knows how many years, run quite the gamut as of April 2010: everything from my glasses to chocolates I planned on giving my parents last Christmas (though I suspect the chocolates were in fact stolen at some point -- an in-depth sweep of my entire apartment revealed I couldn't find them ''anywhere''). Bonus points for the countless times I had put them in a fairly obvious place ''because I convinced myself I wasn't going to forget that's where I put them''. I also have the tendency to go without noticing someone in the room until they speak up or touch my shoulder when I should know they're there, especially when I'm sleep deprived; This lead to an [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl interesting situation]] at work the other day that, while funny to everyone, [[NeverLiveItDown will most definitely not be forgotten]]. ** Same troper. While playing [[GaiaOnline zOMG!]] recently he failed to notice for about a minute that due to the absence of his crew's previous leader, he had been promoted to that rank. * This troper managed to spend fifteen minutes trying to find his bright orange wallet despite the fact it was in his hand and that he'd spent ten of those fifteen minutes ''staring at it''. * This troper will sometimes go looking for various things, only to find them right in their usual place. Her entire family often fails spot checks for pets. You'd think we'd know to look where we're walking when making dinner as we have three hyper dogs and two begging cats, but no. It's a good thing the dogs move fast. ** In addition, one of her ''dogs'' often fails a spot check for the ''kitchen cabinets'', resulting in hitting his head on them. It's a very good thing he has a hard head... * This troper thinks she really failed a spot check when she went looking for her glasses worriedly-when she was, in fact wearing them at that exact moment. * In an actual game, this troper was playing Maid RPG with a couple friends. One character was a mermaid in disguise, but had to drop the disguise when she was in water. She went to bathe in a hot spring, and another character walked in on her. Since the mermaid character was partially hidden in the water, the GM made the other character roll to see if she noticed the mermaid tail. The other character failed THREE TIMES IN A ROW and proceeded to carry on an entire conversation without noticing her friend suddenly had a tail instead of legs. We laughed about that for a good week afterward. * I play D&D/Pathfinder (the trope namer). The immediate response to rolling a 1 on a spot/listen/perception check (not automatic failure, but if you can fail a check, you will with a 1) is "AAIEE! I'M BLIND/DEAF!". Or "Hey I've got FEET! Cool!" ** In real life, I seem to have a massive bonus to hide/movesilently/stealth rolls. "Oh! When did you get here?" "...Five minutes ago." * This troper seems to excel at failing these. My most common one, however, is forgetting where I put something just a minute beforehand

(including a hilarious one where I failed to remember that I had moved a pack of cards to the other side of my bedroom. Probably justified, as they were behind a full translucent box) or putting them behind my ear. Similarly, my cat fails these all the time (or anything involving intelligence or courage), as he has twice walked into a wall THAT WAS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIM! It is not surprising one of his nicknames from my sister is Daft Cat (of which one of the others is Fat Cat: he has a body shape roughly the same as a rabbit, something I constantly pointed out for about a year and a half before my mother actually noticed it. Maybe she failed a spot check...). ** A fairly recent one that is hilarious if you consider that I spend most of my time in my room sitting on my stool (or my bed) in my room. I couldn't find a video game downstairs, but I was certain that it was upstairs, so I went and searched my room (picture a WW1 trench to get an idea of my room). I couldn't find it. I went downstairs and asked my step-mother if she had seen said game. She said that, the last time she had seen it, she had moved it up to my room about a month before. I decided to look again...only to find it (almost immediately) UNDER MY STOOL! The irony? I had a large number of books next to said game. I WAS STILL READING SAID BOOKS! * this troper often looks around the house for several minutes looking for her Pokewalker...only to find it either on the first desk she looked on or already in/clipped to her pocket. * This troper once failed to notice ''an entire building being built''. Let him explain. When the troper was a kid, the church down the street from his neighborhood was expanding by putting on a new wing. The workmen dug a huge hole next to the church and the troper assumed that that was where the foundation was going, so he looked at the hole every time he rode past, waiting to see the expansion start to go up. Several months later, nothing had happened. He pointed this out to his mother when they were riding past the church one time, saying, "They still haven't started that new church yet!" His mother responded, "Yes they did, right there," and pointed to the other side of the building, where the new wing stood, completely finished. Turns out that the hole that the troper had been looking at was simply there to help with drainage. When the troper realized this, he felt ''extremely'' stupid. Even more so by the fact that they had actually laid grass seed in the hole, and he had been wondering, "Why would they want to have grass in the basement?" * This troper's mother does this ''[[ThisIsSparta all. the. time.]]'' a few memorable examples include: ** one time, at the dollar store, she forgot her glasses were on her head, bought a new pair, only for the woman that had been standing behind her to tell her where her glasses were. ** trying to spray air freshener without taking the cap off. ** same as above, only this time she forgot to take the cap off of acne medicine. * This troper has misplaced his car and ''the world'', usually at the same time. There will be times that he will suddenly realize he's in a very different place than he was 5 minutes ago and take a few seconds to realize that he's driving his car somewhere (or walking). * This troper's father and sister both do this often. When he was

younger his father often came inside with sunglasses on and put them on his forehead, then started searching around the house for them. His sister will fail to notice someone who walks up next to them until they speak to her and will often scream in surprise when they do. At one point his sister was looking for a book that she was told was in her hand, she looked at her empty hand and couldn't see it, then when she was told "no the other hand" she moved the book to her empty hand and didn't realize that she had done so until this tropers brother took it off of her and held it up in front of her. * This Troper once rode his bicycle on a street, straight for about 100m... into a parked car. * A couple of weeks ago, my sister was having trouble finding the remote for her TV, when it was less than a foot away, right in front of her, out in the open. * this troper, being a {{WALL-E}} fanatic, always carries around A [[CompanionCube Wall-e plushie and Eve plushie]] at home. one time she left for a doctor's appointment and didn't realize she was still holding on to them for a while. * This troper frequently spends time looking for her watch in a panic, often checking the time on her wrist and moaning that she's going to be late, it's 12 o 'clock already... * This seems to happen with this Troper a lot, mainly with people. Once when this Troper and her friend were playing hide and seek (With This Troper seeking) she was stumped after searching ever square inch of her yard and the surrounding area. She finally gave up only to find out her friend was sitting on the table she had walked past about a thousand times. Her friend was appropriately baffled and amused by this Troper reaction to that fact. * This troper was on a conference, when he realized he apparently had lost his name tag. Since it would cause him a large headache if he had actually lost it, he went back to check, just to realize... he was wearing it all the time. * One day at this Troper's college, he needed to use the restroom. He dashed into the nearest bathroom. Somehow, he happened to notice the lack of urinals, [[WhatanIdiot but thought nothing of it]]. It was only mid-leak when the 'napkin' trashcan in the wall explained it all. Somehow, there had managed to be no one in the bathroom or even around the hallway. [[AccidentalPervert Crisis Averted!]] * All the time. It's happened so much that Tropers/{{JET73L}} will occasionally ask someone to look around where said troper's finger is pointing, specifically because the troper cannot notice it in plain sight. Troper and family use this to their advantage sometimes, sitting down and blending into a conversation between members of the previous generation during a game of hide and seek (it works sometimes, but not others). * A rather literal one here: This troper was at a roleplaying night, and took one of the [=NPCs=]. The party then met some ghosts. This NPC managed to fail his Listen check 5 times in a row, then CRITICALLY failed it, and convinced himself there were no ghosts. While the rest of the party was talking to them. Great job, Torg! ** If you want an actual example IRL, this troper has managed to walk into the same lamp-post at least twice, nearly get run over by a van,

put stuff down and then fail to realise it's in front of him, and, at another gaming session, knock over a glass of Coke. Straight onto the playing field... * I occasionally forget I'm HOLDING something, and search across the house for something I'm carrying. * This troper once had both hands full during a BBQ and wanting to get a sausage (and being immodestly endowed), she decided to empty one of her hands by putting her can of drink in her bra. She got the sausage, sat down with her friends, then proceeded to try to look for the can of drink. * This troper's mother has a very specific failed spot check that has become a RunningJoke in his family. She will often put her coffee in the microwave to heat it up and promptly forget about it. Cue a half hour when she is searching for her coffee mug, we all deftly point towards the microwave. Or, we will want to heat something up and have to remove her mug, to which she says "Oh, that's where I left it." * [[@/LadyNorbert This troper]] is the living personification of FailedASpotCheck. She's extremely good at noticing things that other people miss, but can remain cheerfully oblivious to that which is obvious to anyone else. Her husband has actually learned to take advantage of this fact in the most hilariously cruel ways; for Christmas 2010, he decided to "hide" her gift ''by leaving it on the coffee table, wrapped in bright red paper, for the entire month.'' Two days before Christmas, she finally noticed it and wondered if it was her present. * Once, when he was younger, I "lost" a new jacket that my parents bought for me earlier that day while I was in school. At the end of the day, when we were allowed to go to the coat area to get our stuff, I started to panic when it seemed as if my coat disappeared until I finally broke down and cried (I think it was kindergarten if I remember correctly). So anyways, I sat there crying for what I imagined to be 10-20 minutes when my grandmother arrived and helped my teachers look for the coat, only to find two that were left after everyone else had already left for the day. It was only five minutes later that I remembered what the new coat looked like and pointed it out as one of the two that were left. * This troper was playing Fallout 3 and walking around the Wasteland. You know, this big, empty, flat territory with NOTHING blocking your view until you get to a town. Suddenly, I turn around and BAM! I find myself facing a Super Mutant Behemoth. I seriously didn't notice it was right behind me the whole time (for those who never played this game, the bastards are easily as tall as a five story building). * Add yet another "lost my glasses on my face" example for [[@/DeathToSquishies this guy]]. I've also had my fair share of moments where I spend a few minutes rooting for a game I want to play, only to realize the cartridge/CD is already in the console. * On a more sinister note, how many times have you walked into a room, spent a few moments doing something, then turned around to find an '''enormous spider''' on the wall in plain sight? I have, and always wonder how I manage to miss something that A) is the size of Wales and B) provokes a fight-or-flight reaction in me due to my phobia. Surely my primal brain should be more attentive than that?

* Somewhat justified due to me being around 5-7 and stupid at the time, but I lost a dear toy, about the size of a stone marble, and I kept looking for it for around 10-15 minutes... Turns out I was holding it in my hand the entire time... Yeah... * awwwww man! I can't find my laptop again! ---[[FailedASpotCheck Sorry, I can't find the link back, you'll have to look for it yourself.]] ----

FailingATaxi * [[@/HersheleOstropoler This (white) troper]] has trouble getting a cab on one particular street in Manhattan. This goes back to when I lived in Harlem, but the driver had no way of knowing that. * This Troper lives near NYC and visits often. The only time she [[FailingATaxi fails a taxi]] is when it's raining and/or extremely cold/hot. Go figure. ** It's basic math. Take all of the empty taxis driving down your street that would normally stop for you, subtract all of the taxis that are no longer empty when it is raining or extremely hot/cold, and you get a number near or equal to zero. It's certainly possible that empty taxis stop for you more readily because you are female or [some race], but someone would have to be ''really'' anti-[whatever] to pass up a fare for such a pointless reason ([[AndThatsTerrible sadly]], as I said, "it's certainly possible"). * Traveling from a cab-heavy place to one which is less so is common. I came back to Pittsburgh from New York City back in 1996 and a guy who was coming from NYC marched around out in front of the Amtrak station as I waited for my ride, loudly complaining and wondering where the hell all the cabs were. I had to point out that they don't drive idly around Pittsburgh and you had to call one from a special phone in the station. * In Canberra apparently now taxi companies have a policy of NOT stopping when hailed. To catch a cab you either have to ring for one (and this is unreliable, I rung the cab company from a position very close to the centre of town and didn't get one within 20 minutes, so I walked into town and got one from a rank), or you have to go to a taxi rank. I've gotten into a cab about 200 metres from a taxi rank, only to be told that I had to get out and wait at the taxi rank. ---Guess you'll have to walk back to FailingATaxi <<|TroperTales|>>

FailOSuckyname * Around where i live, there is a man named Bo Ek. It is a hilariously short name for a scandinavian, and if said quickly, it sounds like the

swedish word for Gay with emphasis. In english his last name means Oak, which isnt much better in neither phoneticly or meaning.

FairyTale * When [[Tropers/DokEnkephalin I]] was in first grade, I managed to snag a university level TheBrothersGrimm text, one with footnotes that included the original German along with explanations for their translation choices. I learned to read before I even got to school, and though it was a little over my head, I was willing to learn the vocabulary. I found out I was a NightmareFetishist; I ''loved'' the grisly descriptions and creepy creatures, and the horror stories written for children at the time couldn't match them, then or now. One friend tried to scoff at me for getting so into 'fairy tales', but reading a few passages to him shut him up with more NightmareFuel than he could take.

FakeBrit * This Australian troper got a girlfriend through his fake Geordie accent. I had developed the Brit Accent over a month for a street performance character, and ended up convincing all I spoke to. Including an incredibly cute girl who was so impressed by the fake accent that she decided I was a person "worth knowing". OH HAI relationship! * This troper's girlfriend, who is also a native of Michigan, actually does a rather better British accent than Madonna without even meaning to. Or having been there. ** [[MmmKay This Michiganian troper]] does all kind of BritishAccents; from good to bad, from [[BBCSpeak classic]] to [[{{Cockney}} lowclass]], from well-known to rarely heard on television. * This troper, believe it or not, unintentionally. Australian-born, Australian-raised by Australian-born parents but everyone I meet tells me I sound British. Including an actual British girl! ** Don't worry. Us Brits get the opposite all the time. But usually from Americans who have never heard a real Brit speak, to be fair. * This troper, again, unintentionally. Israeli born and raised to a Romanian dad and Argentinean mum, never been to the UK (as of this writing), sported a natural English accent from the age of 11 months onwards, fooling Americans and Brits alike. ("You're from London, aren't ya?") * This troper has known Americans with British-type accents that have never set foot in in the British commonwealth. Including one girl from California, of all places. * This Tropette is writing a JunjouRomantica Doujinshi, and her AuthorAvatar (Aki, or autumn in Japanese,got the name out of a How to Draw Anime book) is American, but lives in London after she completes Oxford Med. She is in Tokyo to observe the effects of a meningitis drug, and is staying with Usagi and Misaki. Occasionally, she (Aki) goes into "British Mode" ---> Aki: (speaking English) Okay, I'll come to work tomorrow (hangs up phone and [[PrimalScene walks into wrong bedroom at wrong time]])

*Adopts Btitish accent unintentionally* GOD SAVE THE QUEEN, MISAKI AND USAGI ARE BUGGERING!!!! * This troper often speaks with a fake British accent. At first it was on purpose, because it's fun, but more and more she finds herself doing it without trying. It comes in handy sometimes, as she's something of an actress, but it gets her some weird looks when not onstage. * [[PentiumMMX2 This troper]], who is from America, can sometimes pull off a convincing British accent; usually after watching a lot of Series/DoctorWho and/or MontyPython * This troper apparently has a fake British accent. He wishes that it would go away (and that his voice would sound to other people like it does to him), and has no idea where it came from. At least one of his friends thinks that he does it intentionally. * Done intentionally by this troper, as part of a running gag that he is a "were-Brit," and thus turns British under the full moon. * This troper and his friends decided one time, for no other reason than we were bored to start speaking with British accents while we were walking to meet some of our friends. We got some strange looks, mostly because this troper is black. ** Which is odd, since black Brits aren't THAT unusual *** They're not, but cultural ignorance tends to paint Britain as a white monoculture. *** Black British comedian Stephen K Amos has parodied this effect, he said people in New York, especially Harlem, insist "his voice does not match his face". * Both this troper and his brother had their mother's Scottish accent when we were little and although we lost it as we went though school we still give certain words British pronunciations to this day. * [[JirakuTheGratuitousAnimeName This troper]] wishes to master a British accent. He's unsure how close to that goal he is. It probably stemmed from going to London for a week. * One girl who this troper particularly don't like and get along with well told one of her friends that she would talk in a British accent for the rest of the week. She was Russian. Oh, and she failed, and ended up with everyone hating her for that time. * I met a dude from New Hampshire with a heavy British-sounding accent. He once had English roommates who mistook him for a Brit. He occasionally [[OohMeAccentsSlipping slips into a "standard" American accent]]. * This Troper has fooled some Brits since she frequently binges on Doctor Who or watches videos like 'Charlie the Talking Budgie'. Generally she goes for a mix of estuary or 'commoner' accent as one Brit she met called it, and {{OopNorth}}. Sometimes people will mistake her for Scottish or Irish, and one Brit thought she was Australian, to which she replied, "Nope, 'Whovian'." Her British accent is better than [[Series/DoctorWho Peri Brown's]] 'American accent'. * I remember at band camp, this one girl who worked in the kitchen staff faked a British accent for the first, like, two days of camp, then switched back to Ohioan for the remainder of camp one day at lunch. For no reason at all, I think.

* When this Danish troper speaks English, it's usually with a faint American accent. When she spent a week in London, she didn't speak anything else than posh-British. It didn't exactly help that she was reading Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice"... She remembers greeting a servant at a restaurant like this: -->"Good morning, good sir! It's a grand pleasure to see you here this lovely morning. Could me and this fair lady-companion of mine please order a pair of cheeseburgers?" ** It was as ridiculous as it sounds. This troper and her friend laughed their ''arses'' off. * I do this accidentally. I spent years doing Gilbert & Sullivan, and while I don't really sound British, I do apparently sound like a Brit who has been here long enough to almost but not quite lose the accent. Nobody ever believes that I'm a Mainer, born and bred. * This American troper visited Scotland (sp. Edinburgh) for three days (at the end of a business trip to London). The locals were nighunintelligible at the beginning of this time and completely understandable by the end. I suspect if I'd stayed there much longer I would have started talking like them too. * This editor (who will remain anonymous for obvious reasons) is an Anglophile from Maine who insists on using British terms and spelling and puts "London" as his location for message boards, just because he wishes he could have been British. As luck would have it, he also naturally has a British accent for some reason. Essentially, the British equivalent of a weaboo. [[SelfDepreciation I know that's pathetic.]] * Similar to the above Tale, this troper is a ''highly'' unpatriotic South African who has been in love with Britain from an early age and has been using the accent for so long that it's become almost natural, though I've still to pick between cockney or vaugely posh. The worst part is probably that I've never actually visited Britain and my familiarity with the accent comes mostly from watching so much British television. [[SelfDeprication I know that's even more pathetic]]. * This tropper from California has a natural britsh accent that was there all her life despent never been to Britain, probably because all she really watches is British shows. * This troper was born and raised in Texas, listening to nothing but southern accents, but didn't talk until she was four- at which point she spoke with a perfect British accent. It took her two years to grow out of the accent, and only after her family moved to Wisconsin. (She claims to this day that it was her rebellion to the southern accent, which she still has troubles understanding.) * This troper's boss is Canadian born but his parents are Brits. With most people he speaks like a Canadian until his parents are around and then he sounds like a bad impersonation. He says it doesn't help that he's lived in different parts of the world like India, Cambodia and yes, England and he messes up all sort of 'Canadian' pronunciations. * This troper does it '''unintentionally'''. At least, she used to, but she does it for fun now, and everyone's used to it. * This troper started doing it for fun. The accent eventually became easy to slip into, but it kept going - started turning on

unintentionally, then got to the point where it would not turn off. ---Return to FakeBrit here. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FakeDifficulty * Fake Difficulty can happen in classes, too. ** Landscape plants. The class was one of the hardest for me because I had pneumonia and had a hard time keeping up with the class on nature walks. Note that this is college - colleges are often ''very'' hard about sick days. ** Biology where the professor gave us a study guide and none of it was on the test. *** My religion teacher gave us a Unit Test on three separate chapters. The catch? She never told any of us there was going to be a test. And then she rants on us for doing poorly. ** Accounting where i-Clicker questions were giving me constnatly wrong answers. Reasons? Some of us can't ''see'' the screen - I knew the answers but I had to guess which one was the right one because the idiot who designed the class didn't realize that the people at the edges of the room, as well as the back wouldn't be able to see the screen the questions were on without a telescope of some kind! * Picture this: You've just picked up [[SuperMarioGalaxy2 every single Power Star and Green Star]], Comet Medals included. Then you head to [[ThatOneLevel Grandmaster Galaxy]]. With a glitched Wii Remote.

FakeMemories ---* I don't know if it's a neurological quirk, or something I acquired over years of reading about the sort of things listed in the RealLife section if this entry, but YourObedientSerpent is ''keenly aware'' of how malleable memory can be. As a result, whenever someone ask me about a specific incident, my response is almost always full of phrases like "I ''think'' I remember it happening like this, but I'm not sure" and "I don't remember if I noticed that thing at the time, or not. I noticed it/someone told me about it ''afterwards'', and I may have just plugged it into the memory." ** This, of course, makes me sound like a [[CloudCuckooLander complete flake]], because I'm not willing to fake confidence in an unreliable medium (my own brain-meats). Maybe this contributes to the AbsentMindedProfessor trope -- ''nobody'' remembers things clearly, but TheProfessor ''knows'' he's not remembering clearly. * [[Tropers/StongRadd This Troper]] subverts this trope. He remembers

an episode of SpongebobSquarepants where the plot involves a piece of paper. It exists, it's just paired with a HolidayEpisode, that's why it hasn't aired a lot lately. * This Troper always says : As far as I recall when describing something. Its the closest thing he can get. * This troper remembered his first game being Doom, and his parents confirm this, but after playing Doom and noticing some differences, he realized that the game he ''remembered'' playing wasn't Doom at all. It later turned out to be Blood, and once he found it, he had a nostalgiagasm. ** I'd also like to say that it's slightly disturbing that "false memories" has a troper tales page but at least there's not much here. * This troper may have one, he picked up what he thought was Quest64 from a Hollywood Video when he was 7 or 8. When he played, however, he played a game that had realistic (at the time) graphics, confusing RPG controls, and some story about a king being poisoned and the first enemy being a rat in the forest. The controls were similar to an RPG, were in 3rd person, and this troper was so frustrated trying to find an attack button he turned off the console and got his mother to bring it back. Fast forward about 10 years later when this troper looks up Quest64 and sees the screen shots. This troper was unable to find anything resembling the game he may have picked up and is unsure if it even existed. * For a long time, [[{{osakachan12}} this tropette]] remembered playing a game that involved a beach, Disney characters,and a guy with spiky hair. For a long time, I wasn't even sure if it existed. Cut to a couple of years later, when I discovered it was [[KingdomHearts Kingdom Hearts.]] This was only because her sister mentioned it. If she hadn't....well, I think I'd probably think it was a fake memory. * This troper remembers wearing a some sort of cast back when he was very young, later replacing the cast with a bandage. He also remembers the hospital he was in when it happen. But it turned out that the aforementioned memory was false after his parents deconfirmed it, and the hospital that he remembered was actually the location of his birth. * This troper has a very early memory of being able to defy gravity, which is [[OrIsIt obviously false.]] * Most of my memories from when I was 7 and younger are FakeMemories. Sure, the events have happened, but the visuals that accompany my hazy memories of said events are mostly false. I can tell because almost all of my 'memories' from this time period are third person. It's like I'm watching my younger self participating in these events, instead of remembering the events through my own eyes and from my perspective. * This happens to [[Tropers/{{JET73L}} this troper]] to a disturbing degree. Some of it is as simple as the troper's supposed earliest memory being taken home from the hospital (from being born) in a car we never had from a point of view outside of the car, but it's gotten to the point where any argument about something happening is statistically quite likely to end with the troper giving the other person the benefit of the doubt on even incredibly flimsy evidence. ----

FakeNationality * This editor played Rheba, the stereotypical Black maid character in her college production of ''You Can't Take it With You.'' As there were precious few Black actors to be found, the vaguely offensive character was given a RaceLift into an [[AcceptableTargets Irish Immigrant.]] I am not Irish. ** This troper played Rheba as well! Except there was no RaceLift, she and her friend who played Donald were simply Not Black. She found it, at certain times, to be awkward and uncomfortable. * Bizarre TruthInTelevision example: This troper's family is Caucasian and of Irish/German (with 1/16th of Spanish) descent. We all look Dark Irish: dark brown hair with brown eyes and fair, freckled skin. My 11year-old sister, who has golden-brown hair and tans really easily, is playing a ''Hispanic'' girl in her middle school's drama club play about character traits. I think the teacher thought, "She's got brown hair and brown eyes, and we have no Mexican kids. Instead of revising the script, we'll cast the little Irish-American girl as a MexicanAmerican, and [[ViewersAreMorons the audience won't be able to tell the difference.]]" This troper was rather shocked when she found out about the casting choice. * ThisTroper has worked with a couple of directors over the years. They have ranged from EthnicBlindness to "you look right for it, we'll work out the talent/sound later." [[HilarityEnsues Hilarity tended to ensue]] with various casting decisions. ** In ''{{The Princess and the Swineherd}}'', her father, playing the emporer, has a line commenting on how he sees the family resemblence between the solidly-black, stocky black guy and his skinny, reddishblond-haired white brother. ** In ''{{Arsenic and Old Lace}}'' the main character, Mortimer, was played by the only guy in the cast who was black. What's the revelation at the end? [[spoiler: He's not actually related to anyone else in the cast.]] ** Perhaps the most egregious of these was when we did ''{{The Sound of Music}}'' Capt. von Trapp was black; his first child was halfblack, half-korean; his second child was played by the actor's son, so half-black, half-white; third and fifth children were purely caucasion blondes; fourth child was half-white, half-Korean; and the two youngest were played by a pair of half-white, half-Hawaiian...mormons. The running joke in the play, was that Mrs. von Trapp had been lonely when the Captain was away. Rolf (supposedly 17) was played by a 29year-old in the very advanced stages of balding. Yeah...he kept his hat on. ** In a more recent production, the director cast a bit less blindly, which actually worked very well. In ''{{Honk}}'', a musical about the Ugly Duckling, most of the cast is white or at least light-skinned (with a ball-cap, you can pass asian kids off well enough), with the star being black. Some of the other birds are a bit more colordistributed, but the ducks are white and the swans are black, or at least partially black. This was all subtly enough done without [[AffirmativeAction giving people parts they didn't deserve]] that the

show was a hit. * [[SilentHunter This troper]] roleplays a lot of foreign characters in PlayByPostGames. He's done two Russians, a German, a Frenchwoman and several Americans. He's yet to actually RP a guy from his native London. ** Similarly, this Troper tends to use Japanese characters in PlayByPostGames. So far, the only ongoing one is the "ITT: We are our avatars" topic in TV Tropes Forum... though I'm intending to use "Dr. Okagawa" as my screenname at the SCPFoundation. ** Also, a RealLife example: On Halloween, my costume was a kabuki actor. With the kabuki paint stuff on, you couldn't really recognize me. The only thing that tipped off Sensei was my glasses, my totallynot-Japanese accent, and of course my perpetually-messy hair. * [[TsundeRay This troper]], who had a mild HeroicBSOD over his poor skill in his native language after visiting relatives who couldn't speak English, let alone as well as he could, calls himself "purple" in the TroperIRCChannel. * There was an African-American at my school who pretended to be British by just having a British accent. Why did he do this? I have no idea. ** What's the point of mentioning his race? Being British is a nationalistic attribute, not racial. * [[{{Arruruerie}} This troper]] during her sorta-actress career/hobby pursuit has played Italians and Brits a few times - and there's probably a couple more. She is in fact American-raised with a Canadian accent and has no idea what she actually is ethnically. * Well, I'm German and My nickname is "Lord" (don't ask). It happens quite often, that I tell those who ask why, that I'm actually a descendant of a noble family from Ireland. If I meet these persons again and I tell them I'm actually just plain old boring German, they are usually all "Wow, I totaly believed you". Pretty strange, since my Englisch is not especialy Irish or anything... * I'm about half-Finn and half random European countries. My (Finnish) last name is spelled Somero. I also have the habit of speaking with various weird accents. People usually think I'm hispanic or something. * MacPhisto is one-fourth Mexican, technically Hispanic. However, he has pale skin and blue eyes. Most people he meets think he's full of it. Just for the sake of messing with their minds, he speaks with a different accent every week. * This troper has a very unusual speech impediment/accent. In the US, I'm usually told I sound British. When I visited England, I was told I sounded Russian. I have been able to convince people I've come from many countries, from South Africa, Japan, Albania, Russia, England, Canada, Brazil, and Israel. I have only visited the aforementioned England. * [[BertieDastard This troper]] is able to- going by his own opinion, and opinions of others- flawlessly fake accents from many countries of the world, and has convinced people he's anything but his native English. For an entire university year, he convinced a girl in his lectures that he was Irish, whilst also having another- who sat not too far from the first girl- that he was Welsh. He's convinced Americans he is American, had a Frenchman ask him where in France he

was from, and made his (ex)fiancee think he was Australian, same as her. * This troper picked up his first girl while faking to be an american for a whole night. Sadly, it hasn't worked since. * This Tropettes friend was visiting, and we decided to hang out with another kid who lives across the street from me. my first friend donned a british accent and played a prank that continues every time these two friends meet, and to this day my neighbor thinks my michigan-born friend is an englander named Angelina. Seriously. * This Filipina troper who grew up in New Zealand has an American accent from living in Michigan a year as a kid. Working at Disney World and thus having "New Zealand" on her nametag, she got so sick of people attempting to tell her about New Zealand, calling her out on her lack of accent, or outright not believing the nametag that she had a nametag made saying she was from Michigan. No one doubted it. * This Filipino troper, who grew up until the age of 15 there before moving to the US, had a clean American English sound even before moving here, and is often mistaken for being American. It gets even worse whenever he goes to visit his home town. One time, he went to visit and met some people a couple of years younger than him, and as a joke, faked not being able to speak only English. Even better was that he knew a lot of these kids parents, and a lot of their school teachers, and they all played along. * One of my college teachers was Finnish, but had a New Englandsounding accent. * This troper's friends and acquaintances regularly ask him is he is Russian, French, British, German, Austrailian, or Dutch, yet I have lived in the same house in the Ozarks my entire life. Of course, when talking to myself (and frequently other people), it's not in English, but rather French, German, or Russian; and when I do speak English, it sounds like a mix between Canadian, Midwestern, and Received Pronunciation. * When we were in high school, this troper's friends realized that the coupons we had for Burger King were expired by a few days... so three of us faked accents so that the guy would let us use the coupons. The one who didn't fake an accent didn't get to use her coupon. She was annoyed at that. * This troper, with her dark hair and dark eyes (but rather pale skin), and ability to speak Spanish fluently, gets mistaken for Hispanic quite frequently. This troper actually had a group of guys come up to her at work and say they had a bet as to whether she was Cuban, Castillian, or Argentinian. When this troper answered "Neither, I'm mostly Irish, Welsh, and Dutch," they refused to believe me. To be fair, this troper does speak Castillian Spanish fluently, with a few Cubanismos due to growing up in south Florida. * This tropette, who was born and raised in California by a Japanese mother and an Irish-American father, can speak with a flawless Australian accent despite having never been to the country. I do this to disguise a speech impediment I had as a kid, and also because I watch an obscene amount of Lost. * There was a girl in my class who gave a presentation in a British accent for no apparent reason. The presentation had nothing to do with

England, and she never used the accent again. ---Go back to FakeNationality. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FallingChandelierOfDoom * When this troper attended a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert in 2007, part of the stage lighting extended out over the floor seating. During a slow, melancholy number, something in the lights ''exploded'' and a shower of sparks and debris rained down on the audience. Hijinks did not ensue. * This troper would just like to say that when he first read the title of this trope, he had to go back and read it again. Somehow, "Falling Cheerleader of Doom" just didn't sound right. ** That sounds like a good name for a band. * My 12-pound-ish kitchen chandelier dropped just behind my head whilst I was cooking. Close enough to feel the breeze, but without actually making an unaesthetic dent in my skull, so I'm not sure if this counts as an aversion. * In a scaled down version, this troper had one of their bathroom lights explode over their head. Picking the glass out of my hair took a while. ** Same thing happened to this troper with a living room light. Attempting to pick hot shards out of your arm isn't much fun. * This troper's mother had an overhead light fall directly on her head many years ago. Fortunately because of how it fell all the glass bounced away from her, leaving her with only mild cuts. If she'd been even slightly more forward or backwards it would've been bad. * This Troper was working at her desk one night when she was about to lean back and stretch, but decided to finish the paragraph she was typing first. A heartbeat later, she felt a rush of air pass the back of her head, and an almighty smash as her glass ceiling light fixture fell and smashed behind her. If she had been leaning back at the time, it would have hit her in the face *meep* * During the setup for a press conference in a theatre in this Troper's city a large helium balloon got loose and smashed into the theatre's heritage listed chandelier - bringing massive shards of glass crashing down into the seats. Luckily, nobody was in that area at the time, but the chandelier needed extensive repair work. * While this troper was taking a shower, the cover on the light above him fell off and shattered into pieces upon making contact with his head. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt that much. * Once when [[@/REV6Pilot I]] was small, I was playing with my brother and looked up at one of the glass lamp coverings in our living room. Said thing detached and fell (we found out later that it was loose). Good thing we were away from it, because that thing was heavy, and had many engravings that are supposed to give it a floral motif, but succeed more in making it behave like a frag grenade when it shatters. There are several more of these at my home even to this day, and I check them up ''very'' carefully to see if they're well-fitted

whenever a busted lamp is replaced. ---Go back to [[FallingChandelierOfDoom Falling Chandelier of *CRASH*]]. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FallingForSomeoneNeverMet * Who says that this doesn't happen in real life?! This troper fell in love months ago, and has been in a relationship with that same girl for a few weeks, and that started ''before'' she bought a webcam, so this isn't LoveBeforeFirstSight. This troper dares someone to say that this only happens in fiction! ** It started on a forum. We liked to do Role Play together (textbased RPG, you sick person). This troper played a frost elf, and she was some sort of wind elf. As this troper's character got closer to hers, this troper got close to her. Eventually, he started chatting with her a lot, and the two became inseparable friends as they realized just how much they had in common. One day she asked to talk to him in private and proceeded to open herself up to him, revealing things she had never told anybody in the past, ever. As she broke into tears on the other side of the [[LongDistanceRelationship Atlantic Ocean]], worrying what this troper would think of her, and worrying that she might have ruined their friendship in telling him everything, he just laughed and revealed to her that they were ''exactly'' the same. That very second, true love was born. A week later, she got a webcam and the two could finally see each other's faces. * [[Tropers/{{Aryn}} I have]] the annoying habit of gushing about a particular girl to anyone who will listen, and my best friend has himself stated that he's almost in love with her, literally without having met her, as a consequence. * My girlfriend of seven months and I met online two years ago. We had a friendly relationship together that began to strengthen in the last year. I don't have a webcam, but she does and it's been the only way I can see her. I have to take videos of me on my phone in order for her to see me. Finally, in December of last year, she told me she loved me and we've been in a happy relationship ever since. Well, sort of happy... My parents found out about her and were FAR less than pleased and it's caused a lot of problems as of late. But I think the strength of our bond, uncommon though it may be, will get us through this tough time. We plan to meet for real in August. I'm very excited to finally see her. ** Good luck, man! I fell in love with someone over the Internet once as well, and I hope for your sake that it goes better for you than it did for me.

Fallout Have you any stories about your travels in a post-nuclear world? Share them with fellow wanderers! ----

* This Troper has 2 tales to tell. The first is when he was inside Rivet City with Dogmeat to learn about the Aircraft Carrier's history for The Wasteland Survival Guide Quest. We were in the stairwell, when for reasons I haven't figured to this day, Dogmeat just snapped and mauled a nearby security guard to death. Angela Staley just happened to walk by and Dogmeat killed her as well. He was fine in the rest of the city though. The second is when This Troper was heading to Canterbury Commons, and he found some sort of farm. To be precise it was a pasture filled with [[EverythingsBetterWithCows Brahmin]] that was protected by the rest of the Wasteland by an easily surmountable wooden fence. Suddenly a [[EveryThingsWorseWithBears Yao]] [[DemonicSpiders Guai]] appeared and slaughtered the entire herd, each one dieing in one swipe. Fortunately for myself, I had the Animal Friend perk, and thus the mad bear didn't harm me. After the herd was massacered, the animal just stood there, [[VaderBreath huffing and puffing]]. * This Troper got bored in Tenpenny Tower, so he stocked up and filled his entire inventory with 10mm ammo and a pistol. He steps out the door and shoots a guard in the leg, lures him in the room and kills him to decorate the room with his corpse. Repeat with every character that fights back in the tower. * This troper's had quite a few adventures, but these are a few; a few little bouts of VideogameCrueltyPotential (he once slaughtered everyone in Tenpenny Tower just 'cause) but the majority of stuff that he did is good and he never saves after doing anything evil. Though I must say, it was a mistake to go and try and do "Those!" as my first quest. Didn't have any weapons worth bollocks, kept getting killed, eventually went to Megaton and started doing that Wasteland Survival Guide quest just to get some caps that I could use to by better stuff. Then I started making expeditions into the DC ruins, finally managing to get there through the subway tunnels (had a little "wow" moment when he emerged in the middle of downtown) and had a lot of fun getting to the GNR building. * This Troper was messing around after finishing Broken Steel. Walking near the Jefferson building on the side of the river opposite from it. I see a group of super mutants across the river, shooting at me. I have an Experimental MIRV. Guess what happens next. * This troper was starting a bad karmic character and the Evil God of the wasteland were pleased with this, i end up with the Firelance just outside the superdupermart. Playing for the 4th Time it's the first time I was able to found the weapon. * This happened the first time I ever met the Lieutenant. It almost put me off facing him: --> You have been critically hit for 300 points of damage --> You have died * I had just slayed a couple of Raiders due to the timley intervention of some Mole Rats. I was walking through DC when I spot a Centaur and a Mirelurk walking close by. I decided to get their attention so they would crosspaths and beat each other up. I ended up being chased Scooby-Doo style. I was horribly embarrassed, but I managed to lose

them...then cam the Super Mutant... * This Troper assaulted the Navaro Base in Fallout 2 headfirst... and got critically hit for 900 damage by one of the turrets.. while having a laser damage reduction of above 70%! ** Plasma and lasers have different damage resistances applied to them. * I was wondering around the Wasetland with Dogmeat hunting Radscorpions, trying to be entertaining for my friend who was over at the time. I thought to myself 'Hey, maybe he'd like to check out that crashed alien ship,' so when I saw it in the distance, I decided to check it out. I was completley unaware that this was how you activate Mothership Zeta. Not only that, but by this point I had grown used to Dogmeat ripping people in two for me. * I had read the HighOctaneNightmareFuel page for Fallout, and had noticed the Deathclaws were apparently satan in reptilian form, and feared the moment I would come face-to-face with one. I fast travelled to a recently discovered area, juts to have a fucking Deathclaw about three meters away from me! I was terrified beyond belief, but instantly decided I'd at least put a few bullets in it's skull with my hunting rifle. I was surprised to find that it was soon a dead lump of reptile meat on the ground. I couldn't quite tell if I was relieved or disappointed. This probably would have gone differently if there wasn't another Wastelander, who had apparently emptied a round or two into it before I showed up. * I had to get to Rivet City after the GNR missions. I quickly ran out of Stimpacks and food in the Metro, and by the time I got out I was down to about a quarter of my life. I then proceeded to run the entire length from the Metro station to Rivet City, getting around Centaurs, running a Raider Blockade and ducking directly under a Super Mutant's club to get through a small hole. I managed to get all the way to Rivet City in what was probably record time... only to lose my last sliver of health to a bullet from something I never even saw. Reloaded auto-save took me right back to the Metro. * I was once forced into a standoff against two Protectrons and a RoboBrain. It took me a while to realise that the Pulse Grenade was the answer. * I heard about the Jumping off Tenpenny Tower glitch and decided to try it out. I couldn't remember what to do, so I ended up dying until I gave up. * The moment you realise that Super Mutants aren't invincible, you begin to really enjoy blowing them apart. My favorite example would have to be at the Jefferson Memorial, where a Mutie was trying to kill me with a Nail Board. He got annoyed at me, so it seemed like he threw all his weight at me with this strike. It just happens that this was my killing strike, so he head slid neatly off as his body flew through the air into the water. * Having barley learnt anything about the game, I felt exploring would help my previous attempts to be a badass. It just so happens that I walked by Big Town, with some Super Muties wandering by looking for prey. I didn't notice, so when a Minigun began firing in my direction, I was quite frightened. Eventually I began shooting at my attacker, but I realised that this guy had a nailboard, and he was actually

joined by a Brute. I ran for it, but then decided, "Some may never life, but the Crazy never die." So, when they caught up with me, I went at the Nailboard guy with a baseball bat. He briefly had an expression of shock, as if to say, "Holy shit, this guys nuts!" I was blown apart shortly after, but I'm sure they'll be talking about this by the water cooler later on. * This troper remembers going deep into the bowels of the National Archives to get the Declaration of Independence (had the robot forge a perfect copy, both get Karma and make him happy. :)) On the way down there, Sadie stayed at the elevator (can't remember if I made her stay there or she just stayed to guard the elevator) but that was handsdown one of the best adventures I've had, even inside a building. Robots coming from every which way, lasers and Gauss Rifle shots (GR shots coming from me) flying back and forth...Aaaah, good times. Then there was Adams...Come across Squad Sigma in a hallway, right? I have Fawkes with me, and so begins a big firefight that, in addition to me being wounded and having to retreat into a side room to heal while Fawkes held them off, killed two Enclave doctors that ran out into the hallway to try and get away. End result: Squad Sigma mostly in LudicrousGibs, Fawkes and I moving on to get lost for the next two hours while we tried to find a way up. And me over encumbered. Grrrr...Now I'm just walking around the wasteland having adventures. :D * This troper was escorting Dad to rivet city and managed to hit a turret with vats, ... with a 1 percent chance... twice in a row. BeyondTheImpossible, indeed... * I decided to do The Pitt. Dogmeat was with me like always as we headed to the area. After fighting some Radscorpions and Vicious Dogs, we finally made our way out of a sort of cavern. We then entered an area completely unknown to me at previous times. The area was easy to get through, but Dogmeat can't move as freely as you can, so he would have to go the long way around at some areas. I kept on going, knowing he'd eventually catch up with me. I had my Alien Disintegrator at the ready as always, preparing myself for a Super Mutant, a pack of Raiders, or a Deathclaw. I found nothing. Let me tell you, its one thing to be attacked by a horrific creation of the wasteland, its another thing entirely to walk around completely alone, knowing that if you drop your guard for a single moment, some nuclear abomination will lunge at me head on, and I didn't even have my faithful doggy with me. I did come across a doctor, but somehow finding a friendly face made things worse, knowing that once I left some Mole Rats could quickly make her into a meal. I came across a watery cavern and figured it was the only way to get to The Pitt. I was finally set upon by a group of Talon Mercs, so I was A) relieved and B)startled cos those guys are tough. After exchanging a few shots, Dogmeat jumps out and mauls one of them to death. That's when I seriously started wondering who the real sidekick was. * I saw a Raider stalking around for some prey. He didn't see me, so I shot him in the hand, disarming him. Then before he could realise he wasn't the predator anymore, his head was no longer attached to his body. * Set up the scene well enough and like me, you can also punch peoples

heads off. * I have already told you about my Deathclaw adventure above, so consider this the sequel. I was headed to the RobCo Facility, occasionally pressing VATS to make sure there were no threats in the immediate area. I was very frightened to discover a Deathclaw wandering about, with full health, and no Wastelanders to soften him up. I was terrified, so after a moment or too of panicking, I decided to engage it with Dogmeat by my side. It proved too much for my Hunting Rifle...My shotgun on the other hand splattered its face all over the ground. He was almost as big of a letdown as his brother. * Almost every time I go to the Regulator HQ, there is a Yao Gui and a Giant Radscorpion fighting like a pair of Kaiju. ** Now if only we had a creature to match the Super Mutant Behemoth... * Due to the vanishing NPC bug, it appears that a lot of people want to rip me off. Walter from Megaton owes me over three hundred dollars from the scrap I've collected, and the leader of the Regular almost owes me a thousand. * Many of my favorite moments in Fallout happened in the various mod related content I've downloaded. I was just starting the main quest in the Book of Earache mod ([[http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=14006 found here, for all who are interested]]), which involves tracking down the titular Book of Earache. In the process of tracking down the trader with the knowledge of where the NCR gunrunners were, I stumbled across a pack of raiders about to head over a hill. I picked one off with a rifle shot before turning my attention to the hill her buddies were just beginning to crest, to see gobs of plasma and laser beams light up the sky. Turns out there was a small platoon of Enclave soldiers just over that hill, and the Raiders and myself had just blundered into them. Five minutes, 3 stimpacks, 200 bullets, and a shot of Med-X later, I was the last man standing. My quarry, however, had gained considerable ground on me by then. Very much a PyrrhicVictory. Earlier, I had had a one man army moment when I decided, as a Regulator, to go purge Paradise Falls once and for all. It was immensely satisfying walking (literally, walking, for nothing other than RuleOfCool) through the slaver base, headshoting everything dumb enough to charge at me, and a few things dumb enough to run away. Sniper and Commando makes for many headless corpses. * Low on health, out of stimpaks; better find some supplies soon. *Roar* Oh God where did that [[DemonicSpider Deathclaw]] come from?! Cheese it! *Skitter* What the hell, a [[BossInMookClothing Albino Radscorpion]] too?! Run!! Oh wait... they're fighting each other. Now a [[AttackAttackAttack Molerat]] has attached itself to the Deathclaw's heel... and there's a Enclave patrol coming this way... [[OptOut uh...]] * I had just figured out the secret of Andale [[spoiler: (They're cannibals) And when I had everyone confront me, I openly told them all they were sick, sick individuals. When they tried to kill me I wish I could'vee told them this; "Ha! I'm sorry but really!? You see this, what I'm wearing right now? This is Power Armor, and you're using, what? knives and small calibur pistols? This is a Chinese Assault Rifle, and that doesn't even compare to my friend Fawkes and his

Gatling Laser right here. I'd estimate you all have about 30 seconds to live."]] It actually took him about 10. * I was just wandering aroun when suddenly I saw a Vertibird. Crap! Enclave Troopers, just what I need! I got my Assault Rifle and prepared for battle...Just to see them get eaten alive by THREE Albino Radscorpions. ItGotWorse indeed. * I once came across a group of Raiders wearing Enclave armour, and living in a wrecked Enclave site. This had me thinking...These must have been the worst Enclave Troopers in the universe! I had trouble fighting the Enclave at times, them being virtually the only human enemies to which I will say 'Oh crap,' while Raiders are an annoyance at best. I actually felt embarrased for them! * I was in D.C. with Butch and we were fighting off Super Mutants. I have Broken Steel, I'm a pretty high level, so we've got quite a few Super Mutant Masters to deal with in an enclosed space. Then Butch, who, despite his headstrong nature, was handy with Blackhawk, got cut down. In response to this, I applied enough stimpacks to fully heal myself, took some Med-X, Buffout, and Psycho, equpped the power fist, and proceeded to beat every Super Mutant in the nearby area to death. Then I reloaded a saved game, and made sure Butch kept his head down. * I was wandering the wastes after several fierce battles with some raiders and albino radscorpions, approaching Evergreen Mills from the west. Sun was setting and i decided to unwind a bit. I waited a few hours until it got dark enough for me to sneak around. With my weapons holstered, i began to make my way to the other side of the canyon that the compound is located in, the eastern cliffs, so that i could have a good overlook on all the raiders patrolling below. It's a pretty big canyon and circling it around all the way would take a long time, so i decided to take a shortcut and descend down a bit. One raider was patrolling around a shack north of the main building but i managed to quitely drop from the cliffs behind him and put a quick round in the back of his head with my silenced 10mm. I checked the shack for something valuable and continued east, sneaking past all the guards below. A couple of them nearly saw me, but were promptly distracted by the roaring of the caged behemoth on the other side of the compound, so i was able to eventually reach the eastern side, hide behind another shack and start climbing back out. Once i found a good vantage point i equipped my trusty sniper rifle and got in position. In all the sneaking i'd lost track of time and the sun was now slowly rising behind me. I realized didn't have much time before someone spotted me. I took two shots at one of the generators that powered the electrified fence keeping the behemoth in captivity. The raiders below quickly scrambled, but couldn't see where the shots were coming from. I proceeded to take out the other generators as well, and in just a few seconds of silence later the behemoth smashed his way out of his cage, roaring like a deranged beast. All the raiders panicked, a couple of them finally saw me and took some shots at me, but were immediately ripped to pieces by the enraged super mutant i had just freed. A small group of the guards opened up on it with assault rifles, some of them perched atop trains and buildings, but most of them on the ground. The mutant was relentless. One after another the raiders were crushed, ripped apart and flung halfway across the compound. Bodyparts were

flying everywhere. I decided to help the beast by sniping the raiders it couldn't reach, some of which survived a shot but were knocked to the ground. They didn't last long. The bloodbath continued for a while, until finally there was no one left. Chunks of flesh, heads, arms, legs, weapons and junk was scattered everywhere, and the brute was just standing in the middle of it, still not aware of my presence. The sun was now high into the sky, shedding light on the remains of the former raider fortress. I decided the behemoth wasn't worth killing... yet anyway, so i hammered a couple of stimpacks, turned my back and continued east, toward Megaton. * While wandering the DC ruins, i found a few crumbling house structures connected by boardwalks through the windows, and inhabited by raiders. Armed with a hunting rifle and wearing a hockey mask, I sneaked through the place, executing the raiders one by one with neckshots. Dee-ranged! * I fast traveled to Reclining Groves Resort Homes, and was met with complete chaos; Laser beams, plasma shots and explosions were everywhere. Using VATS, i looked around the area. There were several raiders, at least one of whom had a missile launcher. There were two or three enclave soldiers, and one enclave sentry bot. There were several neutral robots scatter all over the place. There were also, if i remember correctly, a few Talon mercenaries. They all fought each other, and nobody really minded my presence. I walked around, looting the corpses of those who died. Suddenly, i saw the raider with the missile launcher aimed straight at me. I opened VATS, and.. My screen was filled with something pinkish white. Surprise! He had actually been aiming at the ''albino radscorpion that had been standing right behind me''. * I dueled with a super mutant master for a while. I was on one of those sidewalk ledges, and the mutant was on the street below. The mutant moved closer during the battle. When it was almost dead, it was standing right below me, and was thus obscured from sight by the ledge. I jumped off, and performed a coup de grace headshot in midair! * I was walking to where the Brotherhood Outcast's signal was coming from when I walked into the middle of a square. Talon company on one side, death claws on another, Raiders on a third. Worst. Death. Ever. * I was feeling a bit ballsy, so I decided to take a little trip to Evergreen Mills. All I used was my assault rifle and a stealth boy. What insured was an epic standoff between me and the raiders, with me just barely surviving. I would've also taken on the behemoth, if that electric gate would open. * I have comeacross many... strangely placed items in my trek across the mojave, but the strangest was just outside Primm. I had just killed a gecko and was going to loot it. ok, normal stuff, meat, hide... beer? yes, laides and gentelmen, I give you an alchoholic gecko. * This troper's evil character has efficiently, silently and ever so happily murdered every single non-invincible, non-respawning friendly NPC in the entire wasteland (to my knowledge) with a sniper rifle, an electric sword, a ''flaming'' sword, the power of invisibility and lots and lots of cannibalism. Delicious. ** The same character had a notable moment in the wasteland while

exploring. He was attacked by a group of raiders nearby a large empty ruin. He hid inside the ruin, quickly crouching to activate his stealth suit, hiding completely invisibly on the platforms higher up. The raiders searched for a while before giving up. At which point, one of their heads exploded. Another turned to ash, the last suddenly felt a weight in his pocket before exploding. The first raider was simply scrumptious, though the last one was far too crunchy. * This Troper was once roaming the outskirts of DC when he came across a centaur. I whipped out my rifle to do battle with the beast. Suddenly, the Incredible Hulk came out of nowhere and killed its ass. Thats how I met Uncle Leo * I downloaded the Dead Money DLC expecting some of the usual wacky Fallout hijinks centered around a casino heist. [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel I was very, very wrong.]] I can't recall a place in any video game that I've wanted to escape from ''worse'' than the Sierra Madre. * This Troper was running around the Mohave in a happy daze (He had O'Ded on Bright Lights, TV Bots and Toy Laser Callers) and came face to face with a Death Claw Mother (Man....), cue a bighorn ram, COME FLYING OUT OF NOWHERE to ram the somebitch in the face, making the Deathclaws head fly off into the sunset, all of this playing out to Ranger with the Big Iron on his hip! ** In a bizarre turn of events near Hidden Valley, found a Powder Ganger that had been shredded apart, the only thing near his remains? A deathclaw mother's head! Mind. Blown * First time I realise Fallout 3 was a little weird? I was clubbing an alien with a poisonous shovel. Second time? Trying to reason with the overseer while wearing sexy sleepwear, lucky shades and having drunk a bottle of whiskey (and succeeding! ) * First time I got into the Den I managed to aggro some folks. Que in 5 minute waiting of all the hobos to make their 40+ action point Jet powered turns at their mind cripplingly slow shuffle. Also Myron, when I first met him and listened to his story as soon as I exited the conversation I lifted up my Bowzar and minced him so thorough a cloud of red mist filled up the adjacent rooms. Also first time I got with the boss's daughter in New Reno. The scene is just pure awesomeness. It's a bit sad though that she aggroes you after you kill him, but at least you can leave by the staircase without killing her and later you can return and even though shell still hate you you can at least get it on with her mom. * I made my way to the National Archives, low on ammo and simpacks, to complete the Stealing Independence mission. I arrive and meet up with Sydney and successfully defend the rotunda with her. She has full health and I prepare to brave the lower regions to retrieve the Declaration of Independence. Then I hear the beep of one of Sydney's many frag mines. I dive out of the way and watch in confusion as she proceeds to walk into her OWN mine, and drop to one health. * I had just finished the Superdupermart section of the Survival Guide and decided to try and explore the area nearby. When I returned to the store I saw a kid standing there, so I talked to him and he asked for help. Ok, I figured I could help the kid out, so I followed him. After passing a barrier I see a large red ant. This was early in the game,

so I wasn't expecting the name "Fire Ant" to be so literal and died quickly. Those ants later regretted giving me my 1st death when they met Mr. Chinese Assault Rifle. * After reaching level 30 I was wandering around. Suddenly I saw a Yao Guai running toward me. Usually I'd just shoot it with my plasma rifle and it'd die before it got near me, but I wanted to do something badass this time. So I unequipped my gun and stood perfectly still. When it got right in my face I punched it, killing it. I have now taken to punching things to death regularly. * I've started a new character on NV. Normal mode, normal difficulty. His name is [[NamesToRunAwayFrom Omnicidal.]] [[OmnicidalManiac Guess what he does.]] * So for my NCR playthrough, I decided to bogart the sniper in the opening movie's style: Ranger Armor and an Anti-Materiel Rifle. Sure, I had to grind to max out my guns and get the right perks. But add in the GameBreaker combo of Boone and EDE, and you've got a sniper with a rifle meant for punching holes in ''tanks'', able to spot-check for miles and see in the dark. So I go into the Deathclaw-infested quarry in the middle of the night in a sandstorm, and make them ''[[IncrediblyLamePun my quarry.]]'' It goes insanely well: BOOM! Headshot! One goes down after another and I'm feeling pretty badass. Up there is the Matriarch. I've got the high ground, and the little spawnlings aren't a threat. She'll just get to waste another round or two of my expensive ammo before going down like the rest. In case she gets close, I've got Boone and EDE for support fire behind m-[[OhCrap Where's Boone?]] I whip around, and realize that [[ArtificialStupidity he got stuck on a rock and decided to meet up with me by running the long way around.]] '''Right''' past the Matriarch. And even better, he's made his way around! In the time it took me to realize this, I've got one of the strongest monsters in the game barreling at me at full speed. ''Christ!'' I get a nice shot in before she hauls ass up to me and practically one-shots me. Instead of doing something smart, like whipping out my lever-action shotgun and crippling her leg, I just freak the fuck out and unload a few more rounds on her. The last shot went in mid-lunge, resulting in a massive corpse flying over my head. I finally realize that my "support fire" is still dicking around with you young'uns. I summarily quick-saved and [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential put a bullet between Boone's eyes.]] * For New Vegas: Two particular instances of One Woman Armying my way through Mojave scum. First was in Vault 3 where after I got Motor Runner to buy my spare chems (which I never use) for extra, I proceeded to waste him and his dogs. For some reason, Lily and Rex weren't there, meaning that soon after I had to wipe the Fiends out single-handedly armed with a Cowboy Repeater and This Machine. Luckily my character specialized in Critting (as well as wearing Boone's hat) and started popping Fiend heads left and right while I screamed for my Nightkin Grandma and my robodog. The second was when I went to the Fort for the Great Khans quest hoping that the Mark of Caesar would let me through safely. Turns out that only gets you so far. Once again my Companions weren't there (apparently I left them back at the Lucky 38) and so Cereza the Cowgirl Courier soon laid waste to all of the camp single-handedly. Once I was done with Caesar, I proceeded to take

his clothes and his weapons and separate his head and limbs from his body. Also, I came to develop a few rituals: 1. Shooting the sky as an indicator of some sort of victory and 2. Putting on Benny's Suit for certain situations (getting "rewarded" by Red Lucy or victory over the Legate). * This troper's most triumphant moment in New Vegas was taking Boone and ED-E for a two man, one robot assault on The Fort. Cottenwood cove was a piece of cake, as was the area that the main encampment overlooks, but once we entered the gate, things got exponentially more difficult. Regardless, we persevered and slaughtered our way through the grounds, eventually making it into Caesar's tent. Deciding against fighting him in such close quarters, we immediatley ran out with Caesar, Vulpes, and the guards in close pursuit. I split off from my companions, and thankfully, the enemy also split off, with a group going after me and a group after Boone and ED-E. Finally taking out my share of legionnaries, I went back to help out Boone. And then I heard it. [[BondOneLiner "Thumbs down, you son of a bitch."]] ** The best part though, was going back to Caesar's tent after the fighting had stopped. Finding Benny, who had been lucky enough to not get caught in the crossfire, and decided to deal with him. [[IronicEcho From where he was, it must have seemed like an eighteen karat run of bad luck, but the truth was, the game was rigged from the start.]] * [[AnythingThatMoves I flirted with a Ghoul Cowgirl and a middle-aged man to convince them to work at a brothel, then went to a factory, programmed a sexbot]], [[CrowningMomentOfFunny assumed the position, left the factory and got assaulted by three old ladies with rolling pins]], [[HilarityEnsues all in the space of about 5 minutes.]] And this, kids, is why New Vegas is a SurprisinglyImprovedSequel. * No matter who I'm siding with (never the Legion) I always make sure to single handedly annihilate Vault 3, the NCRCF, all the Legion bases, and the fort. It's not even hard really, when you have a plasma caster and ballistic fist, you don't even need a companion, though I prefer bringing Boone for the extra "like" points. Best part was when I entered Ceasar's tents and used V.A.T.S to kill him and all his praetorians, then took his and Vulpe's bodys and threw them in the fire. After stripping their bodies of anything of value so I could sell it back in the wastes, of course. ** I also managed to kill Legate Lanius with my bare hands (Normal mode), this was after I killed him with one YCS/186 blast, I reloaded my save and wanted to make the battle more climatic. Not easy at all, but with 100 unarmed, paralyzing palm, high agility, psycho, jet, and preferably a few stimpaks, I did it. [[DamageSpongeBoss It took a long time.]] * In Fallout 2, after completing a whole bunch of missions and getting the souped up power armor and plasma rifle from Navarro, I remembered I still had business to take care of back in The Den with Metzger. So I immediately went back and attacked him and his gang. I expected to win, no doubt, but the "fight" was just ridiculous. I one hit killed every single one of them as they tried to run, and their puny 10mm pistols and double barreled shotguns did ''1 point of damage to me overall''.

* So I'm doing Agatha's Song, and I get to the one part in the vault filled with Mirelurks (can't remember the name) where four of them attack you at once. So Dogmeat jumps in and we manage to off the first two, before the remaining two cut him down. I get the "Dogmeat has died." message, so I open V.A.T.S. and aim for both of their faces. Cut to my guy taking aim in slow-mo behind his Wastehound Helmet, and then getting critical hits, killing both of them before they even touch him. It's as if he was pissed that his dog had died! * Late one night, I decided to finish the quest where you had to go in a run down hotel to rescue some Rangers on a roof. Upon walking around with my lovely companion, Charon {who decides to grumble every five minutes}, I stumble upon the dinning room terminal. After hacking it {wootwoot} I enter the room with a Super Mutant OVERLORD AIMING ITS GATLING LASER AT ME. Panicked, I fell back into a small hallway and got out my Gauss Rifle. I thought for sure I'd die because that thing took WAY TOO LONG to load, but sure enough; I kicked that bitch to the curb. With half my health left. And my partner still alive. [[ItGotBetter And now I had a Gatling Laser.]] * Among the things This Troper has done: I Collected every single companion, I [[CherryTapping Cherry Tapped]] Keene the Nightkin with the BB Gun, I won a match in The Thorn against 3 deathclaws by using the Rocket Launcher, I have a habit of Quicksaving, Killing people to see the name of their outfits, then reloading, I put Cass in [[{{Stripperiffic}} Raider armour]], then took it off because I felt bad, discovered that Veronica can't be made to wear Raider armour, probably for that reason, and I also defeated many Legion troops by [[FakeUltimateHero heroically diving behind cover]] and [[HypercompetentSidekick letting Boone handle it.]] ---{{Fallout}}...Fallout never changes...except if you edit it by going back to the main page!

FalseReassurance * This troper's pulled it off twice with online RP characters. The first time, said character assured an enemy wizard, who the party was sent to kill and had a mind-reading dog, that "I will not kill you," which of course left it open for the ''rest'' of the party to ambush the wizard. Later on, in a separate but similar situation, another wizard was a little smarter and didn't buy the "I won't kill you," asking, "Well, what about the others?" This troper's character assured him if he gave the rest of the party the order, they wouldn't attack...of course, he never ''does'' get around to actually ''giving'' that order... * This troper, having worked in a refugee camp, once dealt with a truly annoying inhabitant who was convinced that he was more qualified to run the camp than any of us who actually worked there, and returned every day trying to set up a meeting where he'd "educate us on the

proper way of running a refugee camp". So, one day, this troper gets fed up, and replies, "Tell you what - type it up, and I'll give it to the boss, who will give it all the attention it deserves." He did. ** And how much attention did it deserve? *** Not the OT, but I would assume none whatsoever. * In a semi-combination of this and NewEraSpeech, in one of this troper's fan-fics, a government official who is plotting to blow up a space shuttle as part of a XanatosGambit arranges to watch the launch alongside a NASA official who knew of the plot and the fact that the bomb had been defused. --> '''BigBad:''' I couldn't miss today's launch, it will be historic in a way only a few other days in the history of your organization have been. --> '''NASA official:''' I can promise it will be a very educational experience for you and you'll see how dedicated our employees are to flight safety. * My example. By the way, my hair is long, wavy and light brown: --->Friend: Hey! You know the best thig you need right now? Dye your hair black and get it straight! I'm getting you to the beauty parlor! --->Me: Of course! ---> Another friend: What the...? No! You're gonna let her do that to you...? ---> Me: not exactly, I didn't say ''when''... * Whenever This Troper's best friend relates events about hillarious things that this troper has done when blackout drunk, this troper reassures everyone hearing the story that "I have absolutely no recollection of these events. I don't remember that happening at all." ** Also, This Troper has never been convicted of a felony. * This troper has a habit of teamkilling for fun in local Halo reach matches. So far nobody seems to remember that "I promise not to shoot you" isn't the same as "I promise not to kill you" ---Go back to FalseReassurance. Don't worry, it'll all be okay. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FamilyUnfriendlyAesop * Just from everyday life, [[{{Tropers/HG131}} This Troper]] learned that good people are shit on, evil people win. The only way to succeed in life is to break the rules. The best part? Taking this to heart has helped me in many ways, including improving my grades and [[DigitalPiracyIsEvil getting alot of entertainment]]. * Various Facebook pages that aren't for comedy have some pretty bad messages sent out. For instance, "You should never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about". It's obviously meant to be something about romance but if applied to other things, it's because you can't stop thinking about something that is why you should give it up. ** Various ones state that boyfriends should only show their affection

in specific ways. * Bristol Palin, especially during the 2008 election: "If your handsome but somewhat thuglike boyfriend gets you with child, he will clean up nicely, propose marriage, and show up at an important family event wearing a suit and holding your hand. At which point you will get a standing ovation" (in the [[http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/07/opinion/07collins.html words of Gail Collins]]). * ThisTroper's jr. high english class was once reading fairy tales (some of the original Brother's Grimm types). One in particular was about a girl who was so stubborn and selfish that God himself stopped caring about her and let her get sick and die. At the funeral, after she had been buried, she tried to claw her way out of the grave, and her mother beat her hand with a stick when it popped out of the dirt. When the teacher asked the class to come up with a moral for the story, this troper's best friend said in a [[DeadPanSnarker completely serious tone]], "If you're stubborn enough, you can become immortal." ** Hey, as Lewis Black said, "The good die young...but ''pricks'' live ''forever''!" * I had once said that the world would be a better place if certain types of people were killed. No, I'm not talking about ''race''. ** Ditto; although a variation was that the world would be a better place if [[SeriousBusiness this troper's high school was blown up]]. * This troper wanted to write a story where the moral was "All humans are evil, so it's okay to commit mass murder", to see if anyone would be stupid enough to take it to heart. That and to piss off as many MoralGuardians as possible ** OlderThanDirt: cf TheBible and The Great Flood. Exact same storyline. Plus, a FantasticRacism / KillEmAll subtext. *** To be fair Noah did give everyone else a fair chance to enter the ark and escape the flood. *** I dunno -- "If some schizophrenic old man started building a huge boat and saying the whole world would flood, I personally wouldn't believe him..." *** Which is exactly what people did in the Bible when Noah tried to warn people...aaand they all died. * This troper, for a short story assignment and contest in grade 7, once tossed off this little thing about a [[TheChessmaster phantom chess player]]. Dad forced him to rewrite it again and again, improving it until it was perfect (or as perfect as a ridiculous grade 7 fantasy story could be). In the end, this troper won the short story competition, and learned that if you work really hard and persevere, striving to continually improve your work until it's as good as it can be... [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop you can wind up so bloody sick of the whole thing that you don't care how well you did, you just care that it's over]]. To this day this troper has issues with applying himself to pretty much anything he can't do perfectly right off the bat. ** Wow! You learned, in grade 7, the Aesop that most people require writing a Masters or Doctoral Thesis to learn. * This troper used to be a semi-NaiveEverygirl until she moved to the Northern part of the U.S., where she experienced (and is ''still'' experiencing) what she deems as 'eternal torment' at the hands of some

of her peers, not to mention she's bored shitless because NothingExcitingEverHappensHere. The moral of the story? KidsAreCruel, TeensAreMonsters, life is something that you can't--are not ''allowed''-- to enjoy if you're a 'nerd' (according to my peers), and most people in this troper's city are a bunch of assholes with no morals whatsoever. ** Just let me know the co-ordinates, and I'll have a semi truck full of high explosives wipe the place from the face of the earth for you. *** Family-unfriendly Aesop learned from this tale; if you complain loud enough, somebody WILL BLOW YOU THE HELL UP ENDING YOUR SUFFERING IN A PAINFUL WAY. *** Here's a family friendly aesop for you. "If you don't like the town you live in, then MOVE!" *** I had the exact same hing happen to me...only I moved to the "southern" U.S. I had never heard such hateful, racist, homophobic insults and threats until I moved to... NORTH CAROLINA! (dun dun duuun)...Yeah, i guess that isn't very "southern". * When This troper was very young (I can't remember the exact age or grade, it was either 5th or 6th Grade. A kid in my class threatend to kill me. I told the teacher and we went to the office. They said "oh he says stuff like that all the time" and just let him go, worst they scolded me for inturrupting the class, also I got in trouble for suggesting they do something "before" he tries to carry out something like that. Moral, people who threaten to to kill, maim, or harm others will go ignored untill they do something and then everyone will act surprised when they do. (I never knew if he went through on any of his plans as we moved away a few months later, but he continued to torment me and get away with it until then.) ** This is actually the Aesop of {{Literature/ChronicleOfADeathForetold}} (original Spanish title: Crnica de una muerte anunciada) by {{Gabriel Garca Mrquez}}. ** This advice actually work, if people just ignore his threat and take it as joke the kid MUCH less likely to commit some funny business. He/she just what to get some attention and death threat is actually a very good way... Personal experience: This troper has been Threatening to kill everybody since grade 3th and I haven kill anyone...[[SlasherSmile yet]] * Same troper from the one about the kid who threatend my life and got away with it. Ok this happend before that, I was a kid and at the time I was into dragons. I was talking to a teacher about how I would love to write a story with dragons in it, then I made a brief comment that some dragons breath fire and that if one of those dragons existed that it could burn down the school and that would be horrible.....and of course that means that I was threating to burn the school down, because I got suspended for that. Moral, it's wrong for a child to compare reality and fantasy because your teachers arn't really listening and only pickout whatever they need to get you out of the way. (I do understand that in some twisted way that could be taken as a vauge threat, but this is the same school with the crazy kid who tells people he's gonna kill them) ** Actually the combined Aesop seems to be 'Only threaten those who have no power over you'. He threatened you, which was 'fine', you

"threatened" the school and by extention the teachers/administration. It's really the perfect Aesop on how to be a bully. ** No no, the moral is "Government employees, and by extension, Government School teachers are idiots" * Once again this troper remembers that he has been picked on a lot thought his school days for many reasons that the kids made up. I would tell the teachers of the constent torment and they would say things like "well I didn't see them doing it", "They are just jokeing around with you", "don't inturpt my class", ext. It got increasingly difficult at school, but that's not the worst part...the worst part is if I decided to retalate in anyway THEY WOULD TELL and this troper would get in trouble...[[CantGetAwayWithNuthin this troper is the human version of this this trope]]. ** Sounds a lot like a real life version of SelectiveEnforcement as well. ** Huh. I could have sworn I never edited this page... * This troper's father once tried to make me like my horrible new bowl cut by saying this "Guys will want to be you, and girls will want to be you." As a teenager and troper, my response was as follows -->"So this haircut encourages people to follow the trends set by another in order to be popular and it encourages girls to judge what's on the outside rather than the inside. Great lesson dad." ** [[CompletelyMissingThePoint The lesson sounds to me like "Bowlcuts are the perfect haircut if you are an androgynous narcissist."]] * This troper was having trouble finding love and had never had a girlfriend. I was rather grumpy about it. I was assigned to be in a group in science class. I instantly declared myself dictator of the group, and acted in a ridiculously authoritative manner. UST started with one of the girls I was bossing around. We became boyfriend/girlfriend, and have been ever since. The moral? If you're absurdly cruel to a girl, she'll fall in love with you. ** I learned that from ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. ** AllGirlsWantBadBoys *** A more noticable moral is acting like a "silly nerd" is a good way to delay the time you eventually get a girlfriend (unless said girlfriend is a nerd too). * Back in fourth grade, this troper was teased by a few other girls for being a little chubby and struggling in gym. (The fact they struggled in gym too was besides the point.) When this troper went to talk to the school councilor about this, she was promptly advised about joining a weight loss program for kids. As a result, this troper quickly deduced that [[AdultsAreUseless adults were useless]] and would just blame all her problems on her rather than addressing anyone else's bad behavior. ** If you are teased as a child for being fat, you may be more likely to actually lose that weight to "fit in and be accepted". It's not a good thing to be bullied or to change yourself just to be accepted. But not being fat is very important and removes the "they are bullying me because i am fat" stigma that a lot of children get. *** The above troper embodies family unfriendly aesop! "Being bullied is bad, unless it forces you to lose weight. In which case the bullies were completely justified"

* This troper once saw a sign at school of several kids wearing the same thing saying "Dude, if they ever forced us to wear school uniforms we'd, like, totally lose our individuality!" Hence the moral is "If you're going to wear something that other people just so happen to like then you're a hypocrite. Give up your freedom of choice and wear something that you hate and look like everyone else." ** ie "Conform until you bleed." * I am the mother/I'm older seems to be the only thing my mother can say whenever I disagree with her... ** that's stupid, I'm seventeen and even I know that after a certain age people just don't take "because I said so" seriously. then you turn my age and start rebelling and they scream to their friends/significant other/anyone who will listen: "why are my children being so rebellious!?!?!?" * This troper's parents have always been a little too obsessed with her education. If they found out she had failed a test they bothered her about it for ''months''. So when this troper failed a couple of exams once, she lied about it and decided to retake those exams as soon as possible. The problem was it wasn't going to be possible for nearly a year and this troper had to [[SnowballLie tell a few more lies]] to keep the original one believable. Eventually she passed the exams and her parents never found out. Both this troper and her parents were a little bit happier thanks to those lies. ** Related: This troper can't ever talk to his father about school because he expects perfection, and my mother basically micromanaged me throughout my entire school career, [[HypocriticalHumour saying that if she didn't]] [[YouFailLogicForever I would never learn to be responsible.]] * When I was about to go to high school, my parents said they were thinking about having me go to a private school away from my friends because [[TheBGrade they thought I could do better than a B average]]. They specifically said that they would only send me if they wanted to. I said I didn't want to. They sent me there anyway. They then said "We never said that" even though A) I can remember it like it was yesterday (and this was years ago) and B) they later admitted they did say this. So they said they would send me for one year and see how I like it. Not buying this for a second, I complained until they let me go to the local public school after one semester. Moral: parents are lying bastards who can't be trusted, and complaining will get you what you want. * I think that I (and quite possibly the majority of men in some form or fashion) have learned through trial and error is "in a relationship, try and deceive women as much as possible to avoid offending them." ** Eventually you learn to lie by omission. Never mention her weight, or her annoying habits. To get away and do stuff you like rather than stuff she likes though, it's always necessary to lie. Girls don't react well when you say you want to leave them during their period to play CallOfDuty. * This troper, a few days after entering highschool, met a boy who was obviously unpopular and generally ill-treated by the rest of the class. She treated him politely during their first few interactions,

and in return, he ''stalked and harassed'' her for the next two years, until she managed to change schools. Moral of the story: "Don't be nice to that freaky loner, the other kids are avoiding him for a reason." ** [[Tropers/PentiumMMX2 This troper]] had to deal with someone like that before as well. Just a simple gesture of kindness towards this guy, and suddenly I could never get him away from me. Eventually, he started leaving me alone when I started ignoring him completely (His annoyance level went '''[[MemeticMutation OVER NINE THOUSAND]]''' before he finally took the hint and left me alone). ** Are you sure you're not me? It was junior high for me, and I tried to be decent about it and just ignore him until he followed me home one day. My reaction? I grabbed our firewood hatchet and chased him down the street with it, and told him if I ever caught him near my house again, I'd scalp him. Fortunately he believed me, and that was the end of ''that'' one. Moral of the story: when subtlety and reasonableness fail, go for the axe. *** This troper would like to sympathize with the "weirdos" and say that when you're an ostracized loner because humans are bastards and having undesirable circumstances out of your control, that having someone show you the smallest hint of rare kindness can make your day. Imagine this: you're going through life hated, shunned, and alone when someone FINALLY talks to you, shows interest. You don't realize that you're weirding them out, you just want a friend. Now imagine that you're trying to just get someone to like you and they do what everyone else does and, bar it all, chase you away with an axe. Scarring and confusing you. I hope you sleep well at night. The moral? "It's ok to judge a book by its cover because everyone has the same life you do" Great Aesop, I applaud you all /sarcasm * This trooper, far from simply learning lessons from things in his life that happen, seeks to apply it to everything he sees. This leads to severe headbanging from this trooper's girlfriend, friends, and family when applied to tv. Common lessons are, [[BeautyEqualsGoodness if you're ugly no one will love you]], [[ViolenceIsTheOnlyOption killing random people will get you women and wealth]], [[STDImmunity if you're hot you can't get aids]], and [[{{Avatar}} black people can only stand up for themselves with the aid of a white guy]]. * This troper has learned that it's not worth standing up to her mother's bullying if there's nothing she can get out of it [such as permission to go to Schoolies] because it will only make her mother worse. I've also learned multiple times that even when my mother's been better lately and appears to have done a bit of a HeelFaceTurn, I still shouldn't trust her with anything or put any faith in her, because her new attitude won't last, but the trust and faith will probably come back to bite me in the ass. * [[{{Kayeka}} This troper]] was attending a 'Climate gathering' at his university. After a few hours of getting bored of the stock [[GreenAesop Green Aesops]] uttered, he stood up, and made a valid argument that humanity takes resources that he can't replace from the planet simply by not being part of any food chain, and extremely rapid reproduction. After comparing humans to rabbits in Australia, littarily saying that '[[HumansAreBastards Humanity is a plague]], and

the only real way to save the planet would be by [[KillEmAll reducing the population.]]', he was given a Main/SlowClap for daring to announce an [[IncrediblyLamePun inconvenient truth]]. ** But it IS true, there's no way humans can keep breeding like gerbils and NOT cause an ecosystem collapse and eventually the extinction of our own species, and anyway, how irresponsible do you have to be to procreate when their are kids starving in the streets? ** They aren't. Most advanced nations are declining in population, and thus face another apocolypse, the age bomb, where the number of people working becomes less than the number of people in retirement, and the government runs out of money. Japan is already facing this. The lesson learned here is to have lots of babies or your pension funds will run out. *** [[HypocrisyNod Awfully irresponsible to be using the internet and electricity while people are starving too, doncha know.]] ** Not too surprising. Some of the more extremist in the green movement believe that humanity should be extinct if the earth is to survive. *** My cousin comes close to this - he believes that in order to save resources, one-third of the human population must die. *** It makes sense to me, although I've once claimed that killing off ninety percent of the Earth's population would work far better than killing say, one-third. After all, AMillionIsAStatistic, and UtopiaJustifiesTheMeans. Don't know if I really buy what I'm saying, though. ** "...humanity takes resources that '''he''' can't replace"? I can't think of any way to make that neither misandristic or misogynistic, unless you mean that you ''personally'' can't replace those resources. *** English is a language that uses masculine pronouns when the gender is unknown or mixed, it's the way the language works. It's no more misogynistic than the French noun for person being feminine is misandristic. Trying to change this always results in making things more complicated, and being completely stupid. (Person whole cover, bat-person, Resting your feet on an ottoperson) People need to be less uptight. * This troper used to have a bully problem back in middle school and whenever I went to tell the teachers I would somehow get in trouble. Due to being relatively small before puberty, only my close friends and family knew I was heavily into boxing. When said bully took things too far I proceeded to punch him out to the point where he lost two teeth plus several bruises. He never bothered me again and I did not get in trouble. The moral? [[VigilanteMan Fix your own damn problems through all means instead of going through the way they tell you to do]]. * At the Christmas Assembly at ThisTroper's Catholic school, one of the bidding prayers was for "all married couples who long for children". So the moral is: Anyone who isn't married and wants to be a parent doesn't deserve spiritual support. Merry Christmas. ** I think you are missing the point. Most unmarried couples dont want to have kids. And its pretty uncommon to find such a couple these days. * I frecuently heard (About homophobia) the next argument: "if you

hate homosexuals/lesbians, it's because secretly, you are one of them, but you refuse to accept it". While I truly think there are some persons who are like that, I think the great majority of the people with troubles and deals against homosexuality are just people who hate them sincerily: no frustation, no repressed sexuality. The lesson here? The hate is an incredible pure emotion, maybe the PUREST human emotion. ** Some people doesnt know that ThePowerOfHate also exists * ThisTroper's friends cut school to see the afternoon showing of the first LordOfTheRings movie the day it came out, and invited her to come with. I wanted to go, but I turned them down, thinking that my mother would be disappointed to hear that I did something so irresponsible as cutting class to go see a movie that I could just see the following weekend; they called me a goody-two-shoes and a nerd, and went without me. When I told this to my mom upon arriving home, she called me an idiot for not going to see the movie and was disappointed that her daughter was such a square. The lesson: "Even your mom will think you're a geek if you don't give into peer pressure once in awhile." ** Is your Mom my Mom? * In elementary school I was the target for bullying. When I told my parents about this they said something like "well, you're obviously doing something to make them bully you". In other words: "well, it sounds like it's all your fault". * This troper loves writing stories, but often she would rethink some of these and question what she was thinking. Although one result of this was me thinking, "Omigosh, I killed her off because...because..." when a character's sexuality was just used as a way to work around a problem that was originally to be dealt with an untimely death, which was later written out. * [[RumpelTeazer This troper]] was in 4th grade, and our (ultra-cool) science teacher was teaching us things about police work and crime, which led up to us reading classic fairy tales and determining who was more guilty in these stories, the "hero" or the "villain." * This troper once had to do a presentation on high school about the world's currencies. After he's finished showing the various kinds of paper money and coins from around the world, he explains to the audience that [[CaptainObvious most money feature national heroes]]. Then he, [[DeadpanSnarker with the cheerfully sarcastic attitude]] [[CrapsaccharineWorld he comments/snark on everything with]], asks the audience whether [[DareToBeBadass they want to be national heroes for the sake of having their faces put on coins]]. The audience yelled yes, then a particularly annoying kid at the back of the class asked how do you become a national hero. This troper then said in monotone, [[WorldWarTwo "Kill Japanese people"]]. Nobody objected. Then again, [[TheFundamentalist most people in this troper's high school]] had always been kind of wacky, so I don't really know whether they were serious or not. * This troper has vivid memories of being in elementary school and being told (by her parents, no less!) ''not to stick up for bullied kids, so that you won't get bullied yourself.'' The moral of this story? "If you see someone whose life is hell, be an InnocentBystander

and pretend it isn't happening to save yourself." ** ItGetsWorse. This troper ''was'' one of the bullied kids at the time, so she was basically told, ''by her parents'', that she was worthless and no one would help her. This taught her the wonderfully family friendly moral "Never trust anyone, since the only one you can depend on in times of trouble is yourself." * This page: Any unfortunate or unpleasant situation proves that life sucks. * [[{{Joerc45}} This troper]] saw one in the form of watching a cousin of mine get away with cheating by using false pretenses and circumstances to prove his wife wrong. Moral of the story: You can get away with the most heinous of actions if one is able to convince others wrong or "reversing the rules" of the situation". {{Facepalm}}. Sad part is, this is quite true in {{Real Life}}. Ask some [[AmoralAttorney lawyers]]. * This troper got into a fight with her friend that started because she'd been not that great of a friend, and her friend, not knowing the reason behind this, had called her out on it, and she, explaining the reason and how it stemmed from something psychological and from hurt feelings she had gotten on the friends behalf, basically got a response of "If you're going to be a bitch because of stuff you feel I can't help you, but I didn't do anything wrong." This taught her that telling people your true feelings will do nothing but screw everything up more and that her friend was a bitch who couldn't accept blame. (which was true by the way, and this troper usually kept her mouth shut about it.) * This troper has one: I had just gotten out of the hospital after major abdominal surgery, and was on lots of painkillers and unable to drive. My mother offered to bring me along with her to visit some family friends, stating that we would be back before my next dose of painkillers was due. That time came and went, and she wouldn't leave, because she was having a good time with friends she hadn't seen in a long while. Forty-five minutes after my painkillers were due, she finally agreed to get up to leave - only to spend the next ten minutes standing in the doorway talking. Once out of the door and halfway to the car, she stopped and turned to start talking about another subject. When I took the horrible action of grabbing her arm and reminding her "I need to take my pain killers" she finally got in the car - and subjected me to a lecture the entire way home about how selfish and rude I was being. Sure I was in pain, but she had been in pain before. She was a talker, and should not be forced to "change who I am." Moral of the story: Your parents don't actually put your physical well-being over their own desires, and being upset when someone does not honor a commitment they made is a selfish attack on their very identity. * Just to say, this troper ''agrees'' with the Aesop from ''Snoopy Come Home'', as given on the main page... * This troper started cutting an art class in high school because he couldn't get stuff done. In college, he quit a vocal groups class in college because he was fed up with all the religious songs he was forced to sing. In both cases, his mother was fine with it. The moral of this story is, "if you don't like your class or job, just quit".

* This Troper has been kicked out of college twice and now goes(rarely) to a shitty community college that depresses him to the point of drinking heavily. When he told his mother about this and his desire to move out, she told him that he would not be allowed to do the latter and if he complained about the CC one more time, she'd kick him out. For bonus points, she allowed him to buy an Xbox 360 with HIS OWN MONEY from a job that causes just and many problems emotionally as the school, then yelled at him, repeatedly, for buying the 360 and complaining about the job. Aesop? "Stop trying, you'll never be good enough." ** That Aesop sounds more like "Your parents can't force you to succeed, but they can still be angry at you for failing" * Almost all through middle-school This Troper suffered bullies and general ostracising due to being completely socially inept, and that he responded to all insults,no matter how minor, with violence. Something he wasn't even all that good at. This resulted in people mocking him even more, as they found it hilarious to watch him flail ineffectually against people both stronger and more skilled than himself. This abruptly ended, when he, after having been called out on his speech-impediment one time to many, brutally assaulted the guy with a steel-toed boot in the showers after gym, and somehow got away scot-free. Aesop learned: When violence fails, you are simply not using enough. * This troper learns these on a regular basis. For example, "Even if you're the one who bought something, someone else can claim it as long as they're older than you." ** That aesop is inverted with this troper. Instead, it's "Even if you're the one who bought something, you always have to share it with the little ones to be nice, even if they could break it." * [[GeorgeUKCFC ThisTroper]] has, several times in school, borne witness to entire classes being punished for one person's actions. The moral is "Don't bother behaving, because you'll get into trouble anyway." ** That sort of punishment is extremely common in the military, but the moral there is "If any one of you doesn't behave, it can get all of you killed". * In this troper's Drivers Ed class, one of the girls told us a story about her grandfather: One day, while driving, his car stalled on the train tracks...[[NightmareFuel just in time for an oncoming train to arrive.]] He didn't get out of the car in time, and the car was destroyed, but he miraculously survived. How? By not wearing his seatbelt. I can't quite remember the explanation for it, but it had something to do with him not staying put in the same place, and therefore not getting crushed by the train. Lesson: Sometimes, ''not'' wearing your seatbelt can save your life. * Not sure if this counts or not, but probably not something you would see on a kids' show: This troper just figured out [[AnAesop what she can take away from]] that time a friend-of-a-friend betrayed me; "Trust should be earned, not given." * I've been working on a comic story lately, and soon realized that it unintentionally had a very unfriendly aesop. I don't wish to give too much away, but the story basically says "Not only is it okay to make

fun of people for being different, but you should, because they're probably evil." I decided to just go with it. Should be interesting to see people's reactions. * This troper's whole life has been a string of family unfriendly aesops. I'll try to run through them in order- First, Kindergarten. In the first month, I made several friends. Then came Valentines day, which my teacher decided called for a special activity. So, everyone made valentines hearts for their best friends. Except, apparently, I was the ONLY student who hadn't been taught about 'this and that' in kindergarten, so I actually gave my best friend a valentine. This resulted in me getting beat up, losing all my friends, and having a rumor started which kept me from having any friends. Therefore, first aesop- Not understanding a situation is no excuse for doing something 'wrong'. An additional second aesop- Parents should teach their children about sex and romance when they're still children, or they'll make a faux pass and lose all their friends. Anyway, after that, I spent the rest of the year without any friends. After summer vacation, a few people had gotten over or forgotten the rumor, so I was able to make more friends, and actually had a close friend. Then, during the first game of 'Hide and Go Seek' we played, I was able to outsneak everyone else, which made that one close friend- Who, as it turns out, hated being outdone at anything- become an angry enemy. Which brings me to another Aesop- People only like you if you can't do anything better than them. The moment you show that you're more capable in any area, no matter how irrelevant, they'll go through a heel face turn and betray you. Then, after that fiasco, I went through the rest of the year and learned, slowly, about 'The Rules'... Which were literally the rules. As might be expected, with my first year or so of social development being somewhat stunted, I thought the rules should be absolute, and got very angry when the playground monitors ignored the people who broke them, so eventually I decided [after watching a lot of Batman] that I would make the other kids follow the rules. As it turns out, sneaking up on rule-breakers and beating the crap out of them is strongly frowned upon, even in the first grade... So, after a couple times, I was threatened with being sent to alternative school. Which brings me to another Aesop- People don't care why you're doing something, they just want you to stop and have no problem using disproportionate retribution. After a couple years of continuing there, my family was forced into a move. At the new school, everything was nice, until they got my records, after which word spread. A few of the kids decided that if I was a tough guy in my old school, then if they beat the crap out of me it would mean they were as tough as I was. Of course, because they didn't have a record, when the fight was discovered everyone assumed I was in the wrong. Yet another aesop- It doesn't matter what actually happened, people will believe whatever fits into the status quo best. I could keep going from there, but I think I'll just say that the aesops didn't really get any better from there on. * My parents are really hypocritical at times, they let me and my brother take responsibility for getting our own clothes. Yet they still throw away perfectly fine pieces of clothing because of such trivial things as small holes in areas that won't be seen. I got some

of my t-shirts thrown out because of this, never mind that they were expensive and that I rarely wear only t-shirts outside except for the Summer. The aesop: No matter how much responsibility you get somebody is going to interfere and enforce their standards on you. There's also a second one, your parents will not knock, practice what they preach or care to ask before using your stuff. At least they haven't taken money from me yet. * This autistic troper has always had difficulty understanding the nuance of society, but this may in large part be because society on occasion likes to change the rules like a little bitch afraid of losing at poker. He remembers when he was a kid and defending a friend from two bullies at the cost of personal harm(a painful cut along his right ear and a kick to the solarplexus) and the next day 'he' got in trouble for doing this because the school is 'responsible for the student from the moment they get there till the moment they get home'. While the Aesop seems like it should be, violence is wrong, even when used to protect another...but what it came across as was, "Don't clean up the messes of officials, it leaves them with more egg on their face when not only are the victims parents complaining but when the bullies parents complain as well." or something that basically made this troper put little stock into the administrative staffers in schools. * My older sister is allowed to to whatever she wants, while my mom still doesn't want me to cross busy streets by myself. (I'm 17!) I asked her why she doesn't do anything about my sister (who drinks and steals from the family and treats us all, even the dog, like crap. One time while we were gone, she had a house party and about $500 worth of video game stuff got stolen, most of which was mine. Mom didn't make her pay...) and she said it was because she's such a handful that she gave up on her. Moral of the story? If I act like a crazy bitch long enough, my mom will finally let me do what I want! * I was bullied CONSTANTLY in middle school, every day and sometimes even in front of the teachers. It only got physical once, when my friend confronted one of the girls out of my earshot, and told her to stop picking on me. Girl smashes my friend's head against the locker. She's crying, teacher comes in and takes them both away. Girl comes back the very next day, no suspension, not even in-school suspension, and the first thing she does when she sees me? Starts talkin' smack to me again. In high school, there was only one guy, but he picked on me every day, we both sat in the front row of the classroom, right in front of the teacher's desk. She knew what he was doing, and definately turned a blind eye when I chewed him out. (she looked away as if pretending not to notice. XD She hated him too) He never really got in trouble, but from what it seems, I don't think the teacher was really able to do much. If the higher-ups at the school don't want to do anything, the teachers can't really do anything. Moral of the story? If someone in school is giving you problems, don't trust authority figures. They either can't or won't do anything. You always have to take matters into your own hands. * The following family unfriendly aesops I've learned: ** Despite that KarmaHoudini has the NoRealLifeExamplesPlease, it is '''''very''''' TruthInTelevision. ** The majority of people are borderline sociopaths who will gladly

step over your corpse to get a better parking spot (or to get into a better place in life) yet if you screw up, will not hesitate to pass howling judgment. ** If you are an AcceptableTarget in ''any'' way, nobody will give a shit what happens to you; in worst cases even ''applauding'' violence, inconvenience, pain, and shit inflicted on you, calling them an AntiHero. ** AbuseIsOkayWhenItIsFemaleOnMale. It is also okay if it's inflicted by a younger person. Men are expected to be emotionless punching bags to women and younger people. ** If you're nice to someone, the best you can expect in response is to be treated like trash. ** [[AccentuateTheNegative the best way to be popular, especially on the internet, is to be as perpetually negative as the temperature around the South Pole]]. Don't ''ever'' look on the bright side of life; you'll just be called "Gay" and are very likely to be ignored. ** Everybody wants equality, but they only want the good parts of it. They will immediately go back to strict inequalities and even go so far as to become a SocialDarwinist if it means they get away with it. * A few I've picked up: ** Our teachers asked us this question every year: "Which would you rather be: beautiful and poor, or rich and ugly?" They even made us write an essay on it, like it was important. We were not allowed to say, "None of the above," or propose a different set of traits for the essay. I learned that beauty and money must be pretty important, maybe even more important than brains (I was only in elementary school; I didn't know any better). ** If your bullies are shorter than you, you must be a wimp for feeling hurt. Also, bullying is "just what kids do" and you shouldn't take them seriously, even if they're punching you. You also shouldn't fight back. (an "adult" told me that, point blank) ** [[LogicBomb It's totally okay for people to call you the n-word and abuse you if you're light-skinned, because that makes up for what your white ancestors did]] (I'm still wondering how the hell those kids came to that conclusion). ** Thinking ahead, then acting accordingly is very, very bad. It makes teachers yell at you, even if you're wrong and your mistake can be easily remedied. (comes from years of experience in school) ** The best way to motivate someone is to berate them or threaten them with a thick yardstick. [[TrainingFromHell Especially if they're first graders.]] ** If a kid says that a grown-up did something that was not right, the kid is most likely lying, doesn't remember things properly (meaning their memory should always be questioned from that point on, making their credibility perpetually dubious), or did something to deserve that not-right treatment. (courtesy of some of my ''teachers'') ** [[NoJustNo Abuse is okay, as long as the person turns out fine later in life]], so the survivor has no right to complain about it. (courtesy of many people who weren't therapists) ---[[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop The moral of the page]] is that life sucks and

you should [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife just stay on TV Tropes for the rest of it]], starting with going back to FamilyUnfriendlyAesop. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FamousAncestor It should be noted that the vast majority of people probably have some form of celebrity, royalty or nobility in their ancestry. The trick? Not many can actually trace it through their family tree. Here are the descendants of ''greatness'': ---* This Troper's grandmother (father's side) had the maiden name Kennedy. This is, according to her, the same Kennedy family as JFK. My other grandmother's cousin married Evel Knievel's cousin. One of my ancestors on my dad's side is John O'Groat, who has a northern Scottish town named after him. We also may or may not be related to Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones (Real name William Perks, "Perks" being my mother's maiden name and "William" being a family name [seriously, look through all the males in my mother's family tree and count the instances of "William" being used anywhere in a name]). * This troper's mother has been digging through his family tree, and has discovered that his family is related to John F. Kennedy through marriage. * This troper has an ancestor who rode on the Mayflower. ** This unimpressed troper has an ancestor who arrived with Cartier. His relatives lived in North America as far back as 1535 - the oldest successful European colonization. * This troper is related to the Scottish Gordon clan. * Mary Shelley's (''{{Frankenstein}}'') great-great grandnephew here, and its my dream to be an author. * A friend of mine is Davy Crockett's several greats Granddaughter. I myself am apparently distantly related to Mark Twain, and I had a few ancestors on the Mayflower. No superpowers on either count, though. * [[{{Jinxed Blackcat}} This Troper]] is apparently related to King Edward I (aka King Longshanks) and whomever started Clarkstown, Jamaica. * This troper knows of a suite in the downtown fancy hotel named after her family as apparently one of her accenstors was one of the first to settle here and helped build the town. Sadly this does not let her get any discounts. * Allegedly [[MalachiteDragon This Troper's]] family on his father's side traces its lineage back to the Black Prince, Edward II. If nothing else, our family name was originally a granted title of nobility: Boarmen, hired to hunt the boars, eventually shortened to Bowmen ( [[CaptainObvious guess what they hunted the boars with)]], to the current Bowerman. A natural talent for archery does, in fact, run in the family. * Averted for this troper. His family name on his mother's side is Mason, and one of her ancestors was named George. However, this George Mason is not in any way related to George Mason the statesman who

helped write the American Bill of Rights. However, this troper may be a very distant cousin of Bob Dylan. * This Troper is related to David O. Selznick. * This Troper ''might'' be related to Dick Turpin. * This troper's best friend is related to Abraham Lincoln. Before she was friends with this troper, the friend hung out with a girl that was related to John Wilkes Booth. ** Not sure if it counts, but this troper is related on her mother's side to a doctor that treated John Wilkes Booth after he jumped from the Ford Theater balcony (breaking a leg in the process), and hightailed it out of there. My ancestor, one Doctor Samuel Mudd (don't laugh) was imprisoned for helping Booth- even though A.) he didn't know his patient shot the President, and B.) he probably would've helped him anyway (with the Hippocratic Oath and all), but eventually, he was pardoned. * This Troper was the...26th (27th??) generation from some big advisor in a Chinese village by a lake called (literally translated as) Lake of Thunder. Apparently, when the people started to leave the village, they all shared the same family name (the character means 'thunder') to show everyone that they're from the same place. No idea about my maternal lineage, mum forgot where she put her family tree. * This troper is a distant cousin of Jack Johnson, otherwise known as the Great White Hope. * This troper has a cousin who does family trees/gene tracing, and recently traced my maternal grandmother's line all the way back to Charlemagne. The Emperor of France. ** Me too (as stated below)! Hi cousin! *** The math says that anyone of sufficiently European descent is directly related to Charlemagne. *** ^ The math also says that anyone of sufficiently human descent is related to everyone else. What's your point? * This troper's dad swears that we're descended from Chief Sitting Bull. * This troper's [[PlatonicLifePartners best guy friend]] is directly descended from General Robert E. Lee on his mother's side. * There is a '''VERY''' faint chance that this troper is descended from Bartolomeo Gramignano (A Sicilian governor who worked for the Spanish Inquisition and founded the MAFIA). * This troper comes from a family which claims descent from Samuel ibn Naghrela, to the point of having adopted the surname "Nagrela" when they came to America. Of course, no one remembers who Samuel ibn Nagrela is, so YourMileageMayVary on how much this trope applies. * This troper is descended from ''three'' Badasses of the Week: Wolf the Quarrelsome, Egil Skallagrimson, and Charles Martel. He would bear the title Barone di Roccabernarda if the Bourbon nobility was worth shit any more, and his aunt actually did used to use Contessa di Marchesato. * This troper's distantly related to Andy Jackson (and she's Cherokee!) John Paul Jones ([[BadassBoast "I have yet to begin to fight!"]]) and John Adams (...yeah.). She takes after the last one the most...she's short. YMMV on whether or not she's [[SeventeenSeventySix obnoxious and disliked]], though.

* This troper's related to Tom Mcarty. Of course you might remember him by his title. The Sundance Kid. * This troper is distantly related to Ryuunosuke Akutagawa (he was my great-grandmother's cousin, I think). * This troper is directly descended from Rommel, the original MagnificentBastard. But he's not one! He's awesome! ** This [[{{Smerf}} other]] troper feels he should point out that awesomeness and Magnificent Bastardness are not mutually exclusive. *** The first troper also just discovered he's directly descended from TheIlluminati. The original, bavarian, Illuminati, that is. * My father swears we're distantly related to John F. Kennedy, but he's never tried to make anything of it, nor have I pursued it enough to determine the truth. * This troper is descended from Ralph Waldo Emerson on her father's side. * According to records, I'm a direct descendant of Charlemagne (through his son Louis the Pious) on my mother's father's side. We are also somehow related to Nicholas Kratzer, official court astronomer to Henry VIII; I believe he's a several-times-great-uncle. On my mother's mother's side, we're allegedly descended from at least one of the ancient (pre-English control) Princes of Wales, but I have no way to prove this. ** Also, and this may be the oddest example on this page, I'm related to famous ''furniture''. Ever watch ''WelcomeBackKotter''? You know the Kotters' apartment, and that big round wooden kitchen table that the students would come and sit at? My grandfather built it in his cabinet shop. He also built ten small tables on an order from a guy named Marion Morrison, who is better known as JohnWayne. * This troper is distantly related the Bonnie Parker(of Bonnie and Clyde fame), Howard Hughes, President Franklin Pierce, and William d'Aubigny. * This troper's grandmother likes looking into her family history, and found a WWI spy, a painter and an advisor to Napoleon. * [[{{Kaizykat}} This Troper]] is related to General Ignacio Zaragoza (Think Cinco de Mayo) on her father's side. * This troper is related to Mark Twain very much directly - though where she lives nobody knows who he is. * [[{{hrdcrnwo}} This troper]] is related to three presidents: William Henry & Benjamin Harrison and Warren Harding. I'm also related to Florence Henderson by marriage. * [[IJVin]] allegedly has Susannah Martin (one of the Salem witches) and George Washington's bodyguard in his tree, though James Fenimore Cooper is definitively the second cousin four times removed of the wife of his great-great-uncle. * [[{{Smerf}} This]] troper started with a family tree his great-aunt made going back about 8 generations. Cue the past three days of research: upwards of 70 generations. I had to make an excel spreadsheet. Famous people include: Robert de Brusse (who came to England while serving William the Conqueror), his grandson Robert de Bruce, Lord of Skelton and 1st Lord of Annondale (for historical note, his 4-times-great grandson was Robert the Bruce, aka Robert I of Scotland and Braveheart fame), a good number of kings from Europe

(including some of note, like the Visigoths, Lombards and Franks). Finally, the single greatest name that I have found in my research: [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast THE]] [[TheScourgeOfGod Scourge of God]] [[TropeNamer himself]], [[BadAss Attila the Hun]]. Also, one of my ancestor's names was ''Lando''. ** How far does back has the troper traced it? Menapius de Mnapie, born 43 BC, died 18 AD. * This troper is related to Pierre Gaspard Chaumette, considered one of the bloodthirstiest of the French Revolutionaries and a raging atheist who managed to get all the churches in Paris closed (briefly). Interestingly, I am also an atheist, and love horror movies, but so far, unlike Pierre Gaspard, I have managed not to be guillotined. * This troper is distantly related to western outlaw [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking lawyer]], John Wesley Hardin * This troper is related to the wife of Charles Lindbergh (The parents of the Lindbergh baby, who was kidnapped and murdered, dubbed "The crime of the century) ** The wife of this [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Lindbergh Charles Lindbergh]]? He's far more famous for being the first person to fly non-stop accross the Atlantic (from the US to France) than for the kidnapping - in fact, his already existent fame was the ''reason'' that the kidnapping was called the "crime of the centry"... * This troper is a direct descendant of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror's]] father [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_I,_Duke_of_Normandy Robert I]]. His brother was the Marquis D'Ivry (Marquis of Ivry, the town in Normandy now known as [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivry-la-Bataille Ivry-la-Bataille]] - "D'Ivry" eventually became my own surname, "Every". It's kinda weird being able to trace your family tree back more than 1000 years - after all the first person in the recorded family line was [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollo Rollo]], and he was born in 846AD. Unfortunately, where I live (South Africa), no-one seems to care... * [[BertieDastard This troper]] has, in his family tree, a Nobel Prize winner, a father who's been on tv a few times,and a man who founded a town in America. His dad has also met royalty, and been in the newspaper. * This troper's cousin eight times removed is none other all CharlesDarwin. If that wasn't enough, that also apparently makes me distantly related to Edward I and [[TheVirginQueen Elizabeth I]], and through them to God knows how much royalty. * This troper is related to Winston Churchill through one of his mother's sisters. His mother was Jennie Jerome, who was an American and rather scandelous. My grandfather and great-uncle visited the Lady Churchill in England. This troper is also named Jenny, but after a different relative of the same name. * My great grand-uncle is Geoffrey Household, a British author who wrote ''Rogue Male'', which the film ''Man Hunt'' from the 1940's is based off. He also wrote a ton of thrillers. Apparently, Indiana University, of all places, has all the original manuscripts of his books, as well as a lot of correspondence from and to him.

* Though this troper's famous ancestors are nothing compared the others mentioned here, my family has been stitching the ol' tree together and has recently discovered that Dwight D. Eisenhower and (possibly) Doc Holiday are distant relatives, though the latter is only rumors. Dwight, however, is my fourth cousin, four times removed on my maternal grandfather's side. I was serious when I said ''[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin distant]]'' relative. Thank you, [[http://www.geni.com/ geni]] I got weirdly lucky. A relative of mine searched around and discovered*DRUUUMROOOOOLL* we are related to none other than POCAHONTAS. Yes, she really existed. Sadly, she died of disease due to unfamiliar viruses. Her immune system couldn't fight them. She managed to have a son with a Baker, whose progeny eventually became part of my family through my grandmother. We even have this book SHOWING all this. Except the death part. That happened to many unlucky Natives, especially the newly bred and nearly dead, to quote a certain cranky doctor. I think I'll stop before I give a lecture ^^; * This Troper's grandfather was the official pianist for George Jones for the longest. * My father-in-law is named after his grandfather, Clarence Darrow. ** For the love of God, ''marry me.'' * For a bit more foreign flavor, this troper's family has had a long line of politicians, five generations right now, in the Philippines. Although, we're a bit more of a clan now than just one family. Regardless, we've held positions on every political level short of VP and President. * On my mother's mother's side, we have the Whittier family- as in John Greenleaf; his brother is my however-many-times-greatgrandfather. On my mother's father's side... we have no idea. We don't even know his father's name, because his mother remarried (more than once) and one of them adopted him. And just to make sure we don't miss a cliche, the courthouse with his original birth certificate burned down. Seriously. On my father's side, I have Governor William Bradford and MacBeth. The real one, who was greatly respected by his people and most of Europe INCLUDING THE FREAKIN' POPE, especially after he defeated the usurper Duncan in battle. (Although the actual killing may have been done by MacBeth's ally Thorfinn, but that's another trope.) Needless to say, a [[{{MacBeth}} Certain Play]] is a bit of a {{Berserk Button}} for me. * I am alledgedly the descendant of the greatest theif of all time, Jesse James. And yes, I have rode horses and think revolvers are better. * [[Tropers/TimberWolf This Troper]] is maternally related to Saint John Rigby, one of the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forty_Martyrs_of_England_and_Wales Forty Martyrs of England and Wales]]. * I might be related to Sacagewea, though I can't be sure. * This troper's great-grandmother was Mark Twain's sister. * This Troper has three. She's the great-great-whatever-niece of Henri the 4th of France on her father's side. Going down that line, (this time directly) there's Robert Navarre, a noble's younger son who went on to become notary to Fort Pontchartrain (Modern Day Detroit). On my

mother's side, there's Thomas [=FitzSimmons=], one of only two Catholics to sign the Constitution. Oddly enough, when they met, my father, who had famous Protestant ancestry, was Catholic and my mother, who had famous Catholic ancestry, was Protestant. Mom converted later. * My great uncle was Charles Binaggio, a famous Kansas City gangster. * While not exactly "famous", I am related to King Edward VIII's (also known as the king who abdicated after less than a year on the throne) tutor: he is my father's father's cousin once removed. I even share the same last name with him. His first name was Henry. Because of this, my dad's mum wrote a letter to Edward asking him if he could pay for my dad to go to a prestigious school (he could do that for three students every year, despite not being king anymore). He sent a handwritten letter back agreeing, so my dad got paid to go to school by him. * I'm descended from Ivo Taillebois, who was basically William the Conqueror's right hand man responsible for saving the Conqueror's life numerous times. From Taillebois, we got Thoborough, then Thornborough, then Thornburgh, then Thornburg, my last name. I'm also related to Queen Elizabeth I via her cousin Thomas Thornburg(h?) IIRC. Also of note is that there are WAY too many Williams to keep straight in my family tree. And the Thornburg family has a direct connection to Kendal Castle. I think I'm also related to Catherine Parr somewhere. * [[{{Tropers/Trebor}} This Troper]] is directly descended from Pocahontas on his mother's side. * Not quite as great as the people here but on my dads side i'm related to the man who discovered the lost sea in TN. * [[@/{{Cheeseypoofs}} This troper]] is a descendent of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andreas_Hofer Andreas Hofer]]. * [[{{Tropers/2wingo}} This Troper]] is descended from none other than Bartolomeo Gramignano. ---My great Grandfather founded FamousAncestor! ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FamousNamedForeigner {{Stinkoman87}}; I am guilty of this, having a half-Japanese character named [[HayaoMyazaki Myazaki]] [[NobuhiroWatsuki Nobuhiro]]. Whenever I dabble in fan fiction, I look for obscure FormulaOne drivers (preferably from the 1980s or earlier) from the appropriate country. I had a Dutch character named [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Lammers Rolf Lammers]]. In other occasion, I needed a Japanese-American, and I grabbed the surname of a footballer in Japan's national team at the 1996 Olympics. The result was "Scott Ito". Later I found lots of real people have that name. * Did I post that and only lost my memory about it? I mean I use the F1 thing as well. * [[DeltaOne This Troper]] writes a lot of fiction which requires

characters from numerous countries. I tend to name my characters after some random government minister from the '50s. Yay Wikipedia! This Troper knows a real-life example. One of the teachers at the University of Tennessee is named Noriko Jane Horiguchi. She's native Japanese, so the middle name is already weird, but her mother loved Jane Austen. That's where it came from. {{Pickly}}: I've used this method when coming up with faction leaders, and other new personalities, for SidMeiersAlphaCentauri, along with "random names I know of for the area", "internet baby names", and "guesses I hope make sense". For those who don't know, the Alpha Centauri faction leaders included in the standard game are said to come from a variety of places around the world, so the factions I came up with stuck to that theme. ---<<|TroperTales|>>

FanDisservice * The locker room in general. There's always one guy staring at you, one guy so comfortable with his nudity that he puts one foot on the bench and doesn't even notice you've now got a [[JustForPun face full of wing wong]], one guy who makes fun of you for being uncircumcised (because [[BiggusDickus you're obviously too endowed for him to make fun of you for being small]]), and several fat guys in briefs that are two sizes too small. ** Although, for [[DepravedHomosexual some]] [[DepravedBisexual people]] ([[DepravedBisexual like me!]]) this could count as [[FanService Fan Service]]. * ThisTroper was a juror on a child porn trial. That is all. * ThisTroper has seen his grandmother naked. ** Same. DO NOT WANT. *** This troper have a grandmother who would like you to see how much her humongous boobs sack (so you can get an idea of her back pains, "Why hello four rolls of back fat"). Every. Chance. She. Gets! * It was all fun and games at Sea World for This Anonymous Troper, until he saw the dolphins having gay sex right against the glass. {{Squick}}. ** Are you sure the dolphins were gay? * This then-21-year-old troper got hit on by a rather cute girl who looked like she was around 18-19. He wouldn't have minded it...and then the girl reveals that [[{{Jailbait}} she's 14]]. {{Orz}}. * ThisTroper once went to Playa del Carmen, which is a popular vacation spot for Europeans. He was told when a group of sexy topless girls were walking by... however he turned to the wrong side and he saw a ''topless old lady''. * For some reason, [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] considers the Australian model Jennifer Hawkins to be, personally, FanDisservice incarnate (seriously, I just don't find that type attractive - at all), while regarding such as [[{{HeroicAlbino}} Connie Chiu]] to be a high ideal of beauty. This may not seem much to some of you but [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} this troper]] is a white, straight male

Australian in his early-mid 20s, exactly the type who would find Hawkins and her ilk [[{{UnusualEuphemism}} likeable]]. [[{{Tropers/Crion87}} This troper]] is also aware that his statements thus also would likely be taken as FanDisservice by many Australian women, however he does like other stuff as well, generally what would seem exotic to a white Australian, even the idea of types that are considerably less pallid than what he's mentioned - it's likely an attraction toward women who look beautiful in a foreign manner, including (usually) darker-skinned types than himself or East Asians. Curiously, though he finds redheads charming as well [[{{IfYouKnowWhatIMean}} although he'd go for it he's not that specifically interested]], although it's likely about half-measures [[{{RedHeadedStepchild}} than the usual reasons]]. And cue most of his kind wanting BrainBleach... ---Drop your clothes revealing your 5'4" 200-pound self and go back to FanDisservice. ----

FandomRivalry When I was young it was ''{{Pokemon}}'' vs ''{{Digimon}}'' vs and now watch out... ''DragonballZ''. It was bloody Serious Business.As an outed Digimonfan you couldn't play in Pokemon neighbourhood. There were fights especially the Pokemon and Digimon fans, while we Dragonballers would only fight those we thought as worthy of(no kidding). We definetely had the better cards because most elder kids up to 15 years where Dragonball Z fans. I was the Leader of the smaller group of DBZ fans. Back then I thought of myself as a blend of Son-Goku,Cyclops,Batman with the wisdom of Captain Picard. There was one particular fight between the Fandoms I will always remember: The little cousin(8 years) of a friend of mine was attacked by 2 Pokmonfans. One of the older fans helped (10 years) him and the Pokmonfans ran away. During the battle the Gameboy of the little boy was broken. So we Dragonballers were out for blood.The incident was number one topic at the school. So the next day we the "honorful Dragonclan"or how we called us at the time assembled to take revenge (we drove in their neigbourhood and basicly wanted money for a new Gameboy) There we were five man in the Pokemon Neigbourhood. We thought we would just go in say give us the money and drive back since we were the Dragonballers. But we were wrong. So wrong... the Pokemonboys knew we were coming. The were 8 Boys against us.My friends and I had all martial arts training which made us, at least we thought that way invincible.In fact nobody was higher than a green belt. Cocky as i was

I said something like "they are sissys we can still take them out "One of my buddies didn't agree. He ran away.At that point I became worried. But my other friend had a brilliant idea. He grabed his bicycle pump and said "bring it"The rest of us did the same and they ran away. We felt like we had won and figured we would get us some icecream (we were still kids). And then we would deal with the disloyal traitor.But that was another bad move. The pokemonkids came back,with reinforcement. The brought some Digimonkids along. I wasn't worried anymore. I was praying that someone would use the dragonballs wish us out of there. But guess who came back my buddy who ran away met other Dragonballers who heard about the setup the Pokemon and Digimon Kids planned. It was pretty even 13:15 or so. So I said what everybody would have said in my position: "We can beat each other into bloody **** or we can settle this like civilizied humans in a fair and mature way... Let's make a tournament. Your five best men against our five bests men. To the death." (I don't know where I got that from but I think it was a quote of some animated series I remembered.) They accepted.And we fought. There was some blood (just a little bit) a lot of crying and some arguing in the group who would fight. One girl on the other side deperatly wanted to fight but she wasn't allowed. The guys were all like this is important. Somehow that battle would not only decide which anime was best it would also decide the reign of the playgrounds. By the way nobody was thinking of my pals little cousin who we left by himself on our playground. Anyway it was 2:2. The Final battle. Everybody wanted to be the one bringing it home. But as the leader of the Dragonclan I said it's my decision and I choose... ME. (Yeah I watched Beverly Hills 90210 with my older sister as a kid, so what?) Well I won with a forward Judo throw. Finally we were victorious and everyone was striking a pose we copied by our favourite characters. While we are cheering the others blamed each other for their loose. Suddenly another kid came with his kickboard. We all where dying to get one but noone could afford it. (They were expensive back then and again we were kids). Then one of us asked if he can borrow it for a spin. (He really wasn't trying to steal it he just wanted to try it out.) But he said something like: "Get your own. Not my business that you are poor." We were all (Dragonballers, Pokemonfans and Digimonfans) upset and then someone said he was a fan of another series, and has repeatly said that all three fandoms (!) are bullsh*t. Now we all had one new enemy. That arrogant rich kid who was watching Monster Rancher the rest of the day we kept talking about how all our shows are better

than Monster Rancher and how stupid that rancher-sissy was. It was getting late me being me I had already made up a final speech in my head: "Well my friends a new menance has resurface. A menance we must not think lightliy of. Soon that kid might find fellowers who certainly will attack us all. I tell you where one Monster Rancherfan is there is another one. They are always two. Or even more.Only united we stand a chance. From now on the war is over. As the leader of the invincble Dragonclan I declare this playground now ours. But as long as we are unified as one force to oppose the phantomic menance (guess where I got that one from) the playground shall be guarded by the Pokemonfans. As a sign we will bury this three cards of each anime here in the earth." (Again that was stolen from some TV series or comicbook). Everybody was happy and we bicyled home. (The cards where stolen a week later by the little sister of one of the Digimonkids, who watched ''KamikazeKaitoJeanne'') but somehow we didn't care. I ordered my friends to put lousy cards in the box anyway. I've never told anyone that my famous battle against the Monster King (that guy I fought gainst in the final battle, monster due pocket, and digital monsters) was only won because of a move my older sister taught me which she had picked up in self defense class for girls. And for those who wonder what happened to my friend's cousin. His grandma bought him a new Gameboy. PS: Sometimes I ask myself if we would stood a chance against that (please insert your favorite slang term for aggressive and/or crazy) ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' Fangirls and Fanboys. * Where was your childhood, and how can this Troper get there? Probably not... ---* Try growing up a ''Digimon'' fan with a little brother who collected the ''Pokemon'' cards and video games. We used to constantly argue about everything, like whether Ash or Tai was more of a {{Determinator}} (except we didn't have a term for it). But I was nowhere near as into that as the ''Avatar'' vs. ''Spongebob'' rivalry. ---At this tropers school, there used to be a rivalry between fans of heavy metal and fans of hardcore punk. There was a time when there weren't any problems, but the hardcore fans decided to make a TakeThat at the metalheads, specifically one named Ted (I don't know if there was a reason for this, or whether it was in jest or a serious anger thing). So they started a band called [[AGoodNameForARockBand Obey Us Ted]] and made maybe two songs. I think you can fill this in. The whole thing died down after a while, and we never mention it anymore on pain of [[BuffySpeak something]] [[ShapedLikeItself painful]].

---I was an avid {{Naruto}} fan. My brother was a {{Pokemon}} fan. He said that if Pokemon went up against ninjas, Pokemon would win. Of course, I pointed out that a tag team consisting of Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara could kick any Pokemon's butt. We went into a heated debate involving Kakashi, Sharingans, Gyrados, and Torterra. I also pointed out Gaara's little Desert Grave technique, by which my brother replied, "Torterra is an Earth Pokemon." Of course, Pokemon can only fight for their masters, and take a long time to power up. Good times, good times. ---LEXicon712: I always thought the Pokemon vs Digimon rivalry was stupid. Nobody really gave a crap when I grew up. The only reason to pit the two against each other was because they had the word {{Mon}} in them. And I thought, why isn't Monster Rancher put in the mix? Then, there was Pokemon vs. Yu-Gi-Oh!. This was because they were the only anime on Kids WB at the time. And when Duel Masters came around, it was rivaled with Yu-Gi-Oh! because they both dealt with card games. The only thing funny that I found was that Joshua Seth did the voices for Tai and Shobu, the respective protagonists of the "copycat" shows Digimon and Duel Masters. Also, there's the whole DBZ vs. Naruto (or any other big shonen anime). First off, I believe the franchise is called Dragon Ball, not DBZ. Second, the only reason why they're compared and contrasted is because Naruto has gotten almost as popular as Dragon Ball has. ---What no Chaotic? Personally, when was the last time you saw RTS potential in Yu-Gi-Oh? Yes, the Danish developers wanted Pokemon level popularity so they made a CaptainErsatz of Warcraft. ---My little brother is adamant that [[{{FullMetalAlchemist}} Edward Elric]] could OHKO [[{{Naruto}} Sasuke, Itachi]], ''and'' [[{{Hellsing}} Alucard]]. At one point, he said Edward could beat '''Kamina'''. Ahahahaha, no. * Heaven forbid someone with actual ''combat experience'', and skill triumph over someoone with half a weeks actual fighting. I love TTGL more than FMA but lets keep things realistic here. ---A friend and I have..."friendly" arguments about which is better, ''{{Firefly}}'' or ''{{Dollhouse}}''. My argument that SummerGlau is in every episode of the former while only in [[spoiler:3]] of the latter does not seem to go over well. ---When I was 10 years old, I entered my very first fandom - Invader Zim. At the time, there was a serious feud going on between fans of IZ and fans of Butt-Ugly Martians. Most of the fans of IZ considered it to be a {{LighterAndSofter}} ripoff, and most of the humor fanfics at the time involved at least one throwaway diss of their show.

Or at least, that's how I remember it. I was still little at the time. ---I seem to recall once play-acting a duel between Digimon and Pokemon. Can't remember who won, but it was a pitched battle. ---1.) There was the endless fight between the Pokemon and Digimon fans as always. Being a fan of *gasp* ''BOTH'' franchises, I served as TheMessiah between the two. And then I got addicted to [[CardcaptorSakura Cardcaptors]] and ''everyone'' declared me the enemy. 2.) One school year, two clubs started up and started meeting on the same days. They were the Anime Club and the Twilight Twitter Group (don't ask about the name, even ''I'' don't know). The Twihards didn't mind us, but we anime fans all had mutual dislike for Twilight, so you could tell trouble was brewing. Then one day, one anime fan who may or may not be me shouted that [[FullmetalAlchemist Edward Elric]] could kick Edward Cullen's butt ten fold right when the Twihards were entering their meeting room. I nicknamed our club feud as the ''Battle of the Edwards''. : ) ---I was eating lunch in school last year, and the guys I was sitting with were reminiscing about shows we watched when we were kids. A kid who used to watch PowerRangers attempted to start this against the DragonballZ fans. (Despite claiming that he [[ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch never watched Dragonball Z]] and was proud of it.) ---Pretty Cure vs Sailor Moon. Dear God that debate gets nasty over in the Sailor Moon fandom. My friend seems to be insistent on saying that AFI (whom she is a fan of) is better than LadyGaga (whom I am a fan of). [[FanDumb What bugs me is]] [[HateDumb it just makes no effing sense.]] ---Quick test: how many fans of Metallica do you know? How many Megadeth fans do you know? How many fans of either band also like the other to the extent they would see them in concert happily? If your answer is more than one (two if you want to count the poster), faint, as you've just found a miracle from most perspectives (for the curious, my logic is that, as Dave Mustaine played in Metallica just before they recorded their first album and has song writing credits for both, the two bands can, at least during Metallica's first two albums, be argued as being the same band (so, if you follow this logic, fans of Metallica's first two albums only are Megadeth fans, possibly in denial). May be slightly InsaneTrollLogic, but, hey, it makes sense on [[IncrediblyLamePun one]] level). Recently found another music one: Gary Moore's original version of "Over The Hills And Far Away", Nightwish's cover or (for the

particularly brave/obscure) Thyrfing's cover. On the video for the original song, all the comments are spam, as people try to argue which is better. As a bit of a music critic, I personally find Nightwish's version the best version, but all versions have their merits: Gary Moore's for being the original, so you know that he had to write it, not just arrange it, Nightwish's version for the fantastic singing and arrangement (which, in hindsight, seems the perfect tribute to Gary Moore) and Thyrfing's version for faithfully making the song sound more metal, but still retaining the essence of the original. ---Us fans of TVTropes with fans of TheOtherWiki, who's getting bagged on by {{Uncyclopedia}}, whose fans are rivaling with fans of Encyclopedia Dramatica. ---[[{{Tropers/DSFARGEG}} I think]] some of these examples are ''really'' weird. I've never had a single problem with StarTrek fans (being one as well) - the only real point of contention is one of SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism [[hottip:*:(On the other hand, fans of that Abrams thing often do not end up getting on well with me, but then again, that isn't a real Star Trek film)]], and while I have disagreed with StarWars fans from time to time, that's over me considering the series overrated and not over Avatar at all (seriously, they have literally nothing in common other than both being scifi). Equally, district 9s is a great film and everyone I know who's seen both likes both, although District 9 is just not in the same league as Avatar at all, albeit good on its own merits. On the other hand, Inception is true, I consider it overrated, complex for its own sake, the whole NoEnding thing is stupid, and it happens to be a blatant ripoff of a TNG episode. I have heard rumours of hurt locker fans but not been able to find any anywhere, presumably because nobody had even seen it before the pretentious anti-scifi brigade decided to snub JC again despite revolutionising filmmaking for about the 3rd time. ---This troper, who is a Pokemon fan, used to have a HateDumb fueled rivalry with Digimon fans at a young age upon hearing some cruel things they had said [[FanHater about Pokemon fans]], such as "Pokemon sucks because Digimon is better, and it's a rip-off!" (In fact, if I recall, [[CriticalResearchFailure Pokemon only came out a short time before Digimon, which wasn't enough time for ANYONE to rip something off]]) and, let us not forget, the idea that all the fans are immature people who always hate on Digimon just because they like their own fandom better, ''[[{{Hypocrite}} despite the fact that they were doing the exact same thing]]''. I grew out of it at around early thirteen (the alleged age of said immature Pokemon fans, mind you), and now I know better than to hate a work out of pressured rivalry. I do, however, still harbor a hatred to the FanDumb portion of the fandom, and I always will hate ''any'' FanDumb. And HateDumb. And Neutral Dumb. Yes, [[Literature/{{Twilight}} it exists]]. ---It's either go back to FandomRivalry using this way or ''that'' way. You can ''not'' like them both.

* Dueling Fandoms is totally better, you stupid pleb. <<|TroperTales|>>

FanDumb '''NOTE''': Similar to the HateDumb TroperTales page, please edit cautiously and don't start flaming. This is to point out how ''[[NotSoDifferent fans can be just as stupid as haters can be,]]'' not ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontLike. * Let's just say ThisWiki has had it's fair share of FanDumb at times. The Discontinuity page being only one of many examples. ** And HateDumb, too. -------------------* {{Battlefield}}, Battlefield, ''[[RuleOfThree Battlefield]]''. The huge FandomRivalry against CallOfDuty is just ONE of the problems with this abortion of a fanbase. * A big part of the metal music fandom. Every new CD released by any band will be probably hated to hell and backwards for being 'selloff', 'too soft' or 'almost pop'. This is especially visible when dealing with less known, smaller bands, whose music evolve as they gain experience or, gods forbid, ''popularity''. Anyone liking songs from a hit album will be then called a 'poser' and immediatly drowned in hate of the true fans. * ComputerWars and ConsoleWars. Enough said. * The ProfessorLayton fanbase. [[Tropers/HikaruTheHedgehog I]] am a fan myself, but I cannot stand most of the other fans. Mostly because 90% of the fanbase is comprised of [[MentorShip Layton X Luke]] shippers. And I hate that pairing, mostly because 1. The age difference between Luke and Layton is far too great for it to be possible, and 2. The only canonical relationship either of them had was with a girl. [[ItGetsWorse Even worse]], all of these Luke X Layton shippers also hate Flora because, apparently, [[DieForOurShip she keeps Luke and Layton away from each other]]. It ''really'' pisses me off since I'm a Luke X Flora shipper. Also, her haters love to compare her to [[SuperMario Princess Peach]] and [[TheLegendOfZelda Princess Zelda]] because Flora got kidnapped a few times. Wait, [[FlatWhat what?]] That makes no sense. Why? Because [[YouFailLogicForever she only got kidnapped twice]]. ** ''Amen.'' (Female troper here) It's just one more thing that makes me hate YaoiFangirls even more. ** Even [[ThisTroper Luke x Layton shippers]] think such misogyny is utter nonsense! * The Gundam community is bound to have all sorts of FanDumb owing to its sheer size. The only way to avoid these individuals is to post opinions only on private websites because the more vocal individuals will enter a [[SeriousBusiness long debate with you if you happen to disagree with their opinions]]. Even if you agree with them, they'll go on a long discussion about why they are correct, often stopping to nitpick what aspects you are missing from your own ideas. Following the release of the Gundam 00 movie, a notable member on Anime Suki had

a disagreement with the way the plot summary was laid out on a website: -->[[http://forums.animesuki.com/member.php?u=91670 Yavie]] declares that "Hah, that review is not very good is it...A compillation should not be colored by things that never happened. When including his own theories he should have written that they were just his own thoughts... not tried to make it sound as if they actually happened in the movie." ** Apparently, the FanDumb is not limited to shooting down other people's theories, but is also rejecting things that they disagree with. On closer inspection with the review in question, everything written is either an opinion about the movie or did occur within the movie. It is clear that some fans are [[UnpleasableFanbase impossible to satisfy]], and it is these fans who adamantly reject what has happened. It's convienient: by claiming the reviewer didn't see the movie, he can make it look like the event in question never happened. ** A prime example of the elitist mentality are some of the Japanese fanboys: they overlap with the King/Queen Customer class and believe that any media (''especially'' soundtracks) are rightfully theirs, and as such, are not willing to share them with anyone else. * [[{{Comartemis}} This troper]] is rather depressed to discover that he fits the description for Canon Dorf in regards to MagicalGirlLyricalNanoha and its' slow slide into much-hated DarkerAndEdgier territory. ** This Troper has the exact opposite tendency, with [[NanohaStrikerS StrikerS]] being my favorite season and disliking Vivid as being too childish, silly, and sometimes, just plain stupid. I also have the occasional Monomaniacal tendency. * Name any film by Michael Haneke. Guaranteed one glance at a message board of his where someone dislikes a film of his will be labeled an idiot by the scum and elitist fanbase. ** Wes Craven on the 2000 DVD commentary for ''A Nightmare on Elm Street'': "I enjoy going online and reading the reviews and discussions after one of my movies premieres so I can discover what I was trying to say in the script." * This troper once posted to a typical "Best Game of All Time" forum topic. After much deliberation, she decided that OcarinaOfTime was not really her ''favorite'' favorite and cast her vote for another game from the same series. She received a livid reply from one of the dozens who had voted differently, announcing amongst expletives that she was "not a true fan" and a "casual gamer". The kicker was that, when prompted, his reasoning was that all the review sites ''say'' that [[QualityByPopularVote Ocarina is #1]], therefore it's true and anyone who disagrees must be hopelessly out of the loop. ** This Troper would argue that if you mean "best game relative to others released at that level of technology," which is really all that's fair, OcarinaOfTime deserves the title of #1 game. But a generic "best game ever" award is more difficult to give out. *** MacPhisto concurs. There will never be a definitive "Best Game of All Time", but ''OcarinaOfTime'' is certainly the best for it's time period. ** [[{{Aryn}} This]] [[BornInTheWrongCentury Editor]] often nominates

Majora's Mask as her favorite Zelda game, not only because it is, but to mess with all the [=OoT=] fans. ** This troper would argue that there is a difference between "best game" and "favorite game". I honestly believe that objectively Ocarina is the best game of all time, but I know people who enjoyed A Link to the Past more, and that's not even counting games from other series. ** The idea of a "Best Game of All Time" is really stupid. Ocarina is my favorite game, but I can't truly say that its definitively better than so many other great games out there. It's about as impossible as trying to decide the best movie of all time. ** With all due respect, I think you're all missing the point. Regardless of whether you think the FanDumb was right for saying ''Ocarina'' was the best game, he was clearly overreacting. Disagreeing with someone is not grounds for verbally assaulting them. * This troper has seen the ugly side of the Fan Dumb of the [[PokemonAnime Pokemon anime]]. There's an episode in the Hoenn series titled "The Scuffle of Legends" where a big event (Groudon vs Kyogre) is poorly animated. This troper commented on Youtube that he was displeased at how the anime decided to cut corners by using stillframe images to give the indication that events were happening and was relentlessly beat upon by fans who refuse to believe the anime's quality has decreased over the years. * I had a friend whose dad was in a band (they actually played with a not-famous-yet Al Yankovic a few times). He had a madwoman in a wedding gown following him around and trying to marry him. He was already married, and thoroughly creeped out. * While still a fan, I have exiled myself to all but one discussion forum for a particular actor because of FanDumb. You think it's bad when it applies to fiction? Imagine this being directed at a ''real person.'' Since then, I decided that while I might be a huge fan of something, I'll be damned if I ever go near another fandom. ** '''The Purist.''' The actor, although in his mid-twenties, was marketed to a young audience so his image was carefully engineered to be squeaky clean. When he hit thirty and decided to move away from that, he dismissed his publicist and was occasionally seen clubbing, drinking, dating around and doing other fun things, and by all appearances, in moderation. The Purists went nuts, declaring that he was a disease-ridden, junkie alcoholic who was totally out of control, and that they were praying and lighting candles for his "recovery." Meanwhile, his perceived "excesses" didn't go beyond anything many other single people his age would be inclined to do, if not milder. He probably did worse stuff when the sparkly image was in play. ** '''The Toxic Genius.''' Too many to name. ** '''The Strawstuffer.''' The movie he headlined didn't do well? All his fault, despite poor marketing strategy and a degree of ExecutiveMeddling. Girlfriend gone skeletal? All his fault, even though her fans loved to paint her as a strong, independent woman who thought for herself. Dropped out of an Oscar bait movie? It's because he wouldn't know quality if it kicked him in the butt, not because that small role was whittled down to practically a walk-on and he had an escape clause in his contract. And so on and so forth. ** '''The Vocal Loyalist.''' Again, too many to name.