COWLEONE'S CHERRY BUSTED!

CHICOWGO-Cherry Cowleone, thirteen year old daughter of Bossy Leader Donna Cowleone,
was placed in a Calf-Way House last week after being busted by the DEA (Dung Enforcement
Agency) for launching an atomic cowpie on Moscow. The cowpie, which destroyed the entire city
and killed over 7 million cows, came without warning after it was activated from a missle silo
located at a farm in Bullhead City, Arizona.

The coworld shuddered when it learned that the young Cherry (a Grade A student) and three
heifer friends (Patty, Amy and Lucy Sky) had fed some drug laced brownies to General Colon
Cancer when he was on watch with the Big Black Box. At the same time, President Mom was
nearby in the Romper Room watching a Gilligan's Island Marathon whilst fighting a chronic yeast
infection. At exactly 8 p.m. (Prime Time) the general lost cowsciousness and the juvenile
gangsteers cracked open the box with a pipe and punched in the code to set the deadly cowpie
on its way. About fifteen minutes later President Mom cursed as Gilligan was preempted by a
news bulletin alerting her to what had just gone down in the next room.

Needles to hay, Prexy Donna's udder was now in a holy uproar as she ordered a DEA thug
named Hymen to hoofcuff Cherry and lock her up in the Chastity Room. Cherry was fit to be tied
and was herd mooing crazily, "You pushed me too hard, OW that hurts." Her friends were sent
home and high level souses said they will be taken out of private school and placed in the public
school system as punishment.

With the proverbial shit finally hitting the land, Cowleone took to the Boob Tube and delivered a
message to calm the milk-shaken world. "To any survivors over there I apologize for Cherry
bombing your city. She will be punished but you gotta admit with all these loose nukes laying
around one was bound to get through sooner or later. Be fat as we may, from the ashes of today I
pledge to dust away the scrooge of radiation and build you a Virgin City; glowing in promise,
radiant in hope and moist with opportunity. In every cloud there is a silver lining! I also don't plan
on having anymore calves and will make an appointment to be liposuctioned tomorrow."

In an exclusive interview with Daily Cow, Cherry Cowleone related how sorry she was for all the
troubull she had caused. She waxed ecstatically about being in a 12 Step program and said she
was doing OK now. While fighting back tears she said that it's no use blaming her moother and
others for her emotional woes-"you see she stopped breastfeeding me after one day and my
Godfather Marlon sexually abused me for years and even my Nanny Annie use to whack me hard
on my fanny. I just have to be myself today because I don't know who I'll be tomorrow." At this
point DEA thug Hymen blocked us off from her stall and told Cherry that talking to the press
would only hinder her recovery.

Well, there you go cow fans. A city wiped off the face of the earth in minutes and a young calf
facing a lifetime of recovery. Live Free or Fry! Moo, Oom.

By David R. Wyder/Daily Cow #9 Cover Story