Week 1 September 10, 2013

Schreiber Plays Fragsanely

Poorly, Hip Hop Machine
eeks out win in Marder Bowl


NEW YORK CITY - In the famous 2001 film Moulin
Rouge, the protagonist proclaims "The greatest thing
you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
That random character from a movie I've never seen
clearly never played Langer Family Fantasy Football.

The second annual LFFFL season kicked off with two
much anticipated matchups. Defending champion
Team Fragsanity faced off against rival Team Schreiber
in what many called "Ari nobody cares about your
family's fantasy football league. Stop asking us for
random quotes about games we don't know about.
Despite the high-powered scores that had driven the
two teams deep into the
Stanley Langer Cup Playoffs
in the inaugural season,
both teams reminded
audiences less of Eric
LeGrand when he started
playing at Rutgers and
more like Eric LeGrand after
he was paralyzed on a
kickoff return. The reigning
champs managed to put up
the third lowest total of the
week, only to rout Team
Schreiber's Thumbellina-
like total of 52. Or 6 points
more than Peyton Manning.

In the other major battle
1 A Light Unto the Nations
Joshs Corner
each week undersecretary Josh
Eagle will interview one family
member of the LFFFL on their
opinions on the current season,
life, and Rina Katz

He forgot this week.
RUBY READER
Aliquam sed eros | Nulla facilisi | Lorem vitae elit
Week 1 September 10, 2013
this weekend, manager Ari Marder' Ruby and Stan's
Hip Hop Machine faced off against brother Akiva
Marder's Ruby's Little Allstars in a classic clash
between talented, skilled roster management, and
Akiva's team. In what easily proved to be the most
nail-biting game of the newborn season, Allstars' last
minute surge fell just short as Ari's team claimed the
Marder Bowl for the first time.

Continuing a trend from last season, Team Jay Langer
finished the season's first week with a loss, putting up
a mere 80 points as he fell to Rina Katz's All-Stars."It's
always good to open the season with a win. All-Stars
manager Zach Blank said after the matchup. Playing
a team like the one Jason has down there is a great
warmup for the much stronger competition up ahead."

A strong start to the season indeed.

W2W4 Next Week
The Blank Bowl, as Rina Katz's All!Stars manager Zach looks to
get his rst victory over brother Adam's AJB Beats MJD Anyday.
2 A Light Unto the Nations
New LFFFL
newsletter format
leaves too much space
for content
As a result of the new LFFFL
newsletter formats extra space,
the league has elected to ll in
this space with thoughts from the
editors ofce
Why are people so much more
protective of their facial
properties than the rest of their
bodys? If you tell a close friend
Ive got your back, he will
embrace you in an appreciative
bro-hug (a right-handed hand
grasp with a left-handed wrap-
around embrace). However, if you
walk up to a three-year-old, pinch
the middle of his or her face and
say I got your nose!, they will
ip a [feces] and demand
through a waterfall of tears that
you return it to them. If that isnt a
double standard, then Im going
to continue to call all sexually
active women whores and
sexually active men players.
Above: the rst image that appears when google searching
Stanley Langer