Issue II Week 2

Bad Luck Dan strikes again,

Superior Adams return
Jasons to bottom of totem
poll as Langer Bros. claim #1

Like newlyweds taking an August honeymoon to Nagasaki in
1945, this is just not Dans Dandy Team day. On the season, there
is not a single time that has scored more points than the dandy
crew from Scranton/Wilkes!Barre. And following this past
weekends 115.48!125.32 shootout loss to Regina Falangi, there is
not a single team that has lost to them. Its a load of crap is what
it is. a furious Rutta said after the matchup. Jasons Swell Team
is ahead of me in the standings, and hes worse than the guy who
mentions your past hookups when your wifes standing next to
you. Goddamit!

On a related note, the Italian Black Gay Dyslexic Association has
begun a national boycott of league initiate Regina Falangi in an
attempt to pressure the franchise into a name change. The
LFFFL is a league that represents open!mindedness and care.
IBGDA spokesman Pierre Shanquella von Fufu said in an o#cial
statement. The fact that within such an institution exists a name
such as N***** Fagalini is despicable and not cool.
Fugehtaboutit. The league has recently send an audio message to
the group explaining the teams actual spelling of Regina
Falangi". It is suspected the IBGDAs dyslexia may have caused
the group to view the name as o$ensive to blacks %N****& and
gay Italians %Fagilini is a derogatory pasta dish of homosexuals&.
The LFFFL is currently investigating the matter.

1
Did You Know?
On September 27,
1986, the city of
Cleveland released
1.5 mi!ion
ba!oons "om their
Public Square,
causing an airport
runway to shut
down and
preventing a
Coast Guard
rescue team "om
nding two
missing boaters,
who were later
found drowned.
RUBY READER
Family | Honor | Phoenicians
Issue II Week 2
Speaking of phrases used often, manager Jason Langers squad
posted the lowest score of the 2014 LFFFL season in a beat down
that would have made Adrian Peterson proud. The Superior
Adams 44.30 point victory moved them into a tie for rst with
Rainbow, coached by Superior manager Adam Langers brother
Danny Langer. We may not score a lot of points out there, the
younger Langer said in reference to his 9th!ranked scoring
output. But I believe that we will win! The reference to USA
Soccers failed attempt at World Cup success appeared to have
angered present reporters, and there is no further record of the
remaining interview.

W2W4 Next Week
Top!scoring Dans Dandy Team looks to break the curse against
bottom!scoring Jasons Swell Team, and third place Adams Team
faces Rina Katzs AllStars in the Blank Bowl.

2
Thoughts from the
Commissioners Desk
In order to keep up with the ever-
changing trends of modern
society, it is often within my
duties as commissioner to
immerse myself in otherwise
foreign pop culture. As such, I
spent this past weekend listening
to various hip-hop/R&B artists,
and I chanced upon the song
Year 3000 by the Jonas Brothers.
What in Gods name is that song
saying? Approximately zero
words of it make sense. Firstly, if
we live under water, dont say not
much has changed. EVERYTHING
HAS CHANGED. Get out of your
Spongebob Utopian bubble.
Secondly, if it took you nearly a
millennium for your song to go
platinum, you should probably
not boast about it. Not to
mention platinum rusts in water.
Thirdly, unless his descendants
have a tendency to give birth at
200 years old, there is no way you
spoke to your neighbors great-
great-great granddaughter
anywhere but in an underwater
cemetery.
If youre going to make a song
Jonas Brothers, at least call it a
parody.
A nger butt, shown above, is a picture taken of the base
of ones index and middle ngers at an angle and zoom
level so as to appear as if one has photographed his own
anus.