Damian Ends 2014 LFFFL Draft

Challenge
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By Ari Marder | LFFFL.weebly.com

Its all over. In a post so long awaited ESPNs Chris Boussard has dubbed it the Messiah
Tweet, Scotticus Schreiber announced earlier today that Baby Damian has erupted into
the world.

It appears that despite his name Damian was born without a penis. Though the
undisclosed hospital refused to comment, most speculate the babys condition is called
Female. Though there is no rule in the Langer Family Fantasy Football League bylaws
against anyone suffering from Female from joining the league, none of the twelve
members have tested positive for it.

The news of Damians birth was well received amongst not
only the Langer family but the office of New York City
mayor Bill de Blasio as well, who had expressed concerns
earlier this week over the increasingly violent Free Damian
movement. Though it began last week as a low-grade riot
outside the apartment building of Mr. and Mrs. Schreiber, it
has since erupted into a mass protest movement, traversing
the continental United States and Alaska (the state of Hawaii
has elected to continue its policy of noninvolvement in
league matters). While no physical casualties have been
reported as a result of the movement, the FDA has stated it
is impossible to estimate the spiritual casualties that have
resulted from Free Damian. It should also be noted that
#WhereDamianAt has failed to trend on Twitter, though sources say that may be a result
of a glitch in the websites coding.

Now that the most controversial baby in the world has materialized, it is necessary to
step back and assess how the rest of the LFFFL is affected. Foremost, Damians arrival
means the Ari Marder-led Ruby and Stans Hip Hop Machine will receive the top pick.
Though in past years the first player to be drafted was an unambiguous one, Marder has
made no indications thus far of who his selection will be.

On the opposite end of things, Rubys Little Allstars will receive the twelfth and final
pick in the draft, marking the first time in league history that brothers will manage the
teams occupying the bookend slots in the draft.
#FreeDamian almost trended this week

The middle picks will begin with second pick will go to Team Langer at number two, and
are followed by Somewhere Over The Dwayne Bowe, Team Schreiber, Team Fragsanity,
Team Rutta, Jason Saibel, Adam Langer, Team Jay Langer, Rina Katzs All-Stars, and
AJB BEATS RGIII ANYDAY.

In a statement put out by the league office tomorrow, Commissioner Ari Marder officially
condoned the trading of draft picks, but qualified that no selections may be traded for
picks in future drafts. No teams have indicated yet of any intention to trade their picks,
but theres a long way to draft day.

The wait for Baby Damian is over. The draft order is set, and though there has yet to be
any early indications of pick trading, its a long way to draft day.