Fangyi Yu (Iris)

ENGW1102 14872
Professor Christen Enos
09.17.2014
Peer Reviews for The First Debate between an Electronic Devices Evaluation Agency and a Cell
Phone Manufacturer in Chinese Internet History wrote by Weimin Zhao
After I finish reading the article, with the help of the introduction paragraph, I can easily
understand what is Zhao going to say, it is about a debate first occurs in China between a
telephone assessment website called Zealer and a cell phone manufactory called Smartisan.
However, I have some uncertainties and suggestion for it.
Over all, in the first paragraph, Zhao does the introduction, includes in the background of
these two debaters and the reasons of this debate, which is very clear. And in the following

Comment [CE1]: The introduction is a bit

long, and it needs a thesis sentence, but it

paragraph, Zhao keeps introducing the details of this debate, which includes three parts, and

does do a good job explaining what the

document is, which is great

below each introduction of these two parts have a paragraph for explaining why. The penultimate
paragraph gives the views of this debate as a customer. Moreover, Zhao shares some personal
thoughts and impressions. This article has clear content and context, but it needs to prove in the
distribution of content.

Comment [CE2]: Its not quite clear what

this comment meanshopefully it was

The article is organized, however, I am confused about the last two paragraphs. Although the

discussed during the peer reviewbut if this

means that there needs to be more quotes t

second last paragraph is talks about the views from customers and the last one is about Zhaos
opinion, I cannot tell the difference between these two. By judging from the meaning, these two

support whats being said, I completely agre

Comment [CE3]: Thats a helpful commen

all clarify the doubts and unreliable, it seems like it only gives the opinions and explanations
about this debate, but no rhetorical situation. For instance, Zhao gives some quotations of what
the CEO of Smartisan says, and also follows with explanation, but in my opinion, if Zhao can add
Comment [CE4]: Yes! The purpose of the

the purposes of why this CEO says this sentence at that time and what the impacts of these

video is one of the things thats really missin

from this draft

words, the article can be better. And in this video, these two people change their tones and
moods with the change of time, and this can be a point to show in which part that gain the upper

Comment [CE5]: The tone should also be

about its own paragraphthe draft discusse

hand. Moreover, from the wearing, both of them are in black, but the Zealers CEO is wearing a

tone a bit, but its hard to find because of th

structure based on telling the story about th

T-shirt with a white printed word Zealer, which place in the middle of the front of T-shirt.

video, instead of

Maybe Zhao can add the reasons and purposes why he does that. Another example is that the
CEO of Smartisan brings some data boards, and it can also used as another example, like give the
reason of why and how it works.
Zhao also does well on the part of worked cite, although the form seems a little different

Comment [CE6]: Actually, theres no

citations in the essay itself, and there needs

from mine, the way how I do the citation is do that without the links follow behind. And even if

bealso, the formatting in the works cited a

the end is messy and needs to be fixed

people want to use official website, people cannot only list a link. And Zhao does not use any
images or audio, but with the link in the citation, I can find the resource easily and which can help

Comment [CE7]: He can try to add those

into the essay itself, or at least have some

me to understand directly by watching the video. In addition, grammar is not a big problem for

images, perhaps of the person talking in the

video or the product being talked aboutth

this essay, although there are some little mistakes in grammar.

essay doesnt yet have the necessary images

In summary, this is a not bad essay, only needs more details for rhetorical situation, less
explanation about this specific technology issues and also need to consider about the citation
problem.

Comment [CE8]: Good summaryI agree

Fangyi Yu (Iris)
ENGW1102 14872
Professor Christen Enos
09.17.2014
Peer Reviews for Movie confessions review Wrote by Wenqi Zhou
This analysis essay for Confessions does include an introduction paragraph why Zhou loves
this kind of movie, and followed with two paragraphs movie introduction, and very much
detailed description for the contents of the movie. After reading, I know that this is a movie
about a teacher, who wants to find out the truth of why her daughter died and starts a revenge
plan.
This essay begins with the reasons that why Zhou chooses this movie, which is helpful for
preview and can pre-know the Zhou s attitude of this movie. And the second paragraph starts

Comment [CE9]: Interesting point, althou

I disagree: By discussing her personal

with the introduction for the movie and ends with an analysis of rhetorical situation, which is the

experience, the paper becomes more of an

opinion than a reactionI would get rid of t

gloomy sky. Zhou says that the sky can shows the inner minds of people, which is a really good

personal experience
Comment [CE10]: Not clear how thats a

point and can be a suitable example for rhetorical (word missing: rhetorical what?) and also

rhetorical situationthis reviewer might not

know what that term meansthe essay

shows the purposes why director put this sky in these scenes. Then, Zhou keeps introduce the

actually does an excellent job discussing the

rhetorical situation, in terms of what the

movie, and a lengthy quotation appears in the middle of the introduction part, which I think this

filmmaker has to say thats new, but more ca

be said about the other elements, such as

seventy-seven words quotation seems a little bit long, Zhou can short it, summarize it or delete

audience and purposeoutlining the

document again will help make sure each

the less important part. I think the most important is the beginning and ending, which is I wont

element is covered
Comment [CE11]: The essay does do an

forgive you and I will revenge, I will make you to remember, the meaning, the value of life.

excellent job with specifics, which is

something other essays are lacking

Moreover, the description of the main character Yuko in paragraph six, which is in a quotation,
Comment [CE12]: I agree: She can put

and this is a very good example of it, especially for rhetorical part, Zhou analysis that the

three dots (...) between the important words

to represent the words she removed

behavior of the actress shows the inner world, like put down the knees, trying to smile, but
the tears are rolling down shows the pain of the character. After that, it comes with a paragraph

of characters activities psychological analysis. It overall summarizes the five characters.

Moreover, the next five paragraphs all begins with a sentence shows what Zhou is going to say,
which is easier for me to understand the main idea of each paragraph.

Comment [CE13]: Thats a great point, an

having topic sentences is very importantni

About the content in this essay, I can find half of them are talking about how humans mental

job

controls activities, why a crime can happen and why some of this crime can have reasonable
reasons. But I cannot find the connection between them and cannot tell the difference between
the seventh and eighth paragraphs either. Zhou puts a lot of personal opinions and explanations

Comment [CE14]: Great pointthis is a

smart & thorough peer review

in, but I think it may needs more specific examples. Such as the fifth paragraph, probably Zhou
can find an example of minor crime in the movie, and it will become better to present
examples with the ideas and opinions. On the same paragraph, Zhou uses on the other hand
twice in two connected sentences, which confused me, and she may needs to replace it with a
synonym. And I also think Zhou can has more rhetorical situation in it, just like the gloomy sky
and the way of using it.
In the summary, this is an organized essay, with good introduction and analysis for the
content of the movie, and the significance is, the opinions need more specific examples.

Comment [CE15]: Another good suggestio