1. Measure yourself only against 17.

When giving a toast, short

your previous self.
and sweet is always best.

34. Its okay to go to the movies

by yourself.

2. Never cancel dinner plans

with a woman by text message.

18. If you are wittier than you

35. If you dont understand, ask
are handsome, avoid loud clubs. before its too late.

3. Ignore the boos. They usually

come from the cheap seats.

19. Know when to ignore the

camera.

36. Yes, of course you have to

buy her dinner.

4. You dont have to keep every

secret, just the important ones.

20. Never take an ex back. She

tried to do better and is settling
with you.

37. Never ask the same

question twice.

5. If youre staying more than

one night, unpack.
6. A suntan is not bought, its
earned.
7. Place-dropping is worse thanname dropping.
8. Dont fill up on bread.
9. You dont have to like
baseball, but you should
understand the concept of what
a pitchers ERA means.
Approach life similarly.
10. A glass of wine or two with
lunch will not ruin your day.
11. Appreciate your parents.
When they die, you become an
orphan.
12. Remember when is the
lowest form of conversation.
13. Its okay to forgive, as long
as you dont forget.
14. Never make a scene.
15. Buy a tuxedo before you are
thirty. Stay that size.
16. If you wear cologne, no one
should smell it from five feet
away or five minutes after
youve left.

21. Invest in great luggage.

22. Always carry cash.

38. be kind. Life is hard enough

as it is.
39. Know your way around a
kitchen.

23. Suck it up every now and

then, especially for your family.

40. Set Goals. Write them down.

24. Never be the last one in the

pool.

41. Stop talking about where

you went to college.

25. Dont stare.

42. Rebel from business casual.

Burn your khakis and wear a
suit or jeans.

26. Read more. It allows you to

borrow someone elses brain.
27. Stand up to bullies. Youll
only have to do it once.

43. Its okay to trade the

possibility of your 80s and 90s
for more guaranteed fun in your
20s and 30s.

28. Admit it when youre wrong,

and forgive yourself for your
mistakes.

44. Never park in front of a bar.

29. Take more pictures. With a

camera.
30. If you offer to help, dont
quit until the job is done.

45. Play competitive sports for

as long as you can.
46. Never date an ex of your
friend.

47. If riding the bus doesnt

31. Know at least one good joke. incentivize you to improve your
station in life, nothing will.
32. Theres always another
48. When the bartender asks,
level. Just be content knowing
that you are still better off than you should already know what
you want to drink.
most who have ever lived.
33. When you marry someone,
remember you marry their
entire family.

49. If you perspire, wear an

undershirt.

50. Never stay out after

midnight three nights in a row
unless something really good
comes up on the third night.

51. When people dont invite

you to a party, you really
shouldnt go. And sometimes
even when you are invited, you
shouldnt go.
52. People get tired of you
being the funny, drunk guy.
53. When in doubt, always kiss
the girl.
54. Tip more than you should.
55. Always buy good shoes,
sheets, and tires.
56. Put your cell phone away.
You probably use it too often
and at the wrong moments.
57. Eating out alone can be
magnificent. Find a place where
you can sit at the bar.

moments in the company of a

wonderful companion.
65. Dont split a check.
66. If you come from money,
embrace it. We live in a world
that rewards intelligence,
creativity, and risk-taking.
67. When a bartender buys you
a round, tip double.
68. The clich is that having
money is about not wasting
time. But in reality, money is
about facilitating spontaneity.

60. Be a regular at more than

one bar.
61. Value a handful of truly
close friends over a hundred
acquaintances.
62. its better if old men cut
your hair.
63. Learn how to fly-fish.
64. No selfies. Aspire to
experience photo-worthy

80. Your clothes do not match.

They go together.
81. staying angry is a waste of
energy.
82. Revenge can be a good way
of getting over anger.
83. If she expects the person
you are 20% of the time, 100%
of the time, then she doesnt
want you.

69. be spontaneous.
70. Do not use an electric razor.
71. Desserts are for women.
Order one and pretend you
dont mind that shes eating
yours.
72. One girlfriend at a time is
probably enough.

73. Your ties should be rolled

and placed in a sectioned tie
58. Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and drawer.
dips before you shower each
morning?
74. Throw parties. But have
59. Eat brunch with friends as
often as possible.

79. When you admire the work

of artists or writers, tell them.
And spend money to acquire
their work.

someone else clean up the next

day.

84. Always bring a bottle of

something to the party.
85. Avoid that last whiskey.
Youve probably had enough.
86. Dont use the word
closure or ever expect it in
real life.
87. Drink outdoors. And during
the day. And sometimes by
yourself.
88. Dont linger in the doorway,
in or out.
89. Date women outside your
social set. Youll be surprised.

75. Buy expensive sunglasses.

76. Act like youve been there
before.
77. You may only request one
song from the DJ.

90. If its got velvet ropes and

lines, walk away unless you
know someone.
91. You cannot have a love
affair with whiskey because
whiskey will never love you
back.

78. Remember: You die twice,

once when you stop breathing,
92. The New Yorker is not highand again when somebody
mentions your name for the last brow. Neither is The Economist.
time.
93. No-one cares if you are
offended, so stop it.

94. Hookers arent cool, but

remember, the free ones are a
lot more expensive.

96. Dont gamble any amount of 98. You can get away with a lot
money that will piss you off if
more if youre the one buying
you lose.
the drinks.

95. Dont ever say, It is what it

is.

97. Give up the dad bod. Youre

not Leonardo DiCaprio.

99. Rules are for the obedience

of fools and the guidance of
wise men.