Effective Communication

Effective Communication
INTRODUCTION
An organization is a group of people associated for business, political, professional, religious, athletic, social, or other purposes. Its activities require human beings to interact and react, that is , to communicate. They exchange information, ideas, plans; order needed supplies; make decisions, rules, proposals, contracts, and agreements. Communication is the lifeblood of every organization. People in organizations typically spend over 75% of their time in an interpersonal situation; thus it is no surprise to find that at the root of a large number of organizational problems is poor communications. Effective communication is an essential component of organizational success whether it is at the interpersonal, intergroup, intra-group, organizational, or external levels. Communication can be considered as a personal process that involves the transfer of information and also involves some behavioral input. Communication is something people do. It has all to do with relationships between people and consists of the transfer of information and understanding between parts and people in an organization, and the various modes and media involved in the communication. Another way of looking at communication is as an interpersonal process of sending and receiving symbols with meanings attached to them resulting in the exchange of information and shared understanding between people. So a measure of the effective management of interpersonal communication is that information is passed, and relationships are built. Effective Communication is therefore critical to the success of an organization because Organisations today are becoming more complex both in structure and technology.
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Economic and market conditions are forcing greater efficiency and quality at minimum cost in manufacturing and services. Government legislation requires managers to interpret the changing implications for policies and practices in their own organisation. People at work have high expectations from their employers not just high wages, but also greater personal job satisfaction. Organizations are becoming more dependant on horizontal communication channels. With increased complexity, information needs to flow quickly between specialists rather than go up and back down the hierarchy, with its inevitable delay and message distortion. So when we look at the changes that are taking place in organizations today, it is clear that managers, to be effective, require communication performance at high levels of excellence.
The Importance Communication
and
Benefits
of
Effective
Communication is the lifeblood of every organization. A vital means of attending to company concerns is through effective internal communication downward, upward, and horizontal. Communication is the medium through an organization accomplishes its goals It leads to greater effectiveness It keeps people in the picture. It gets people involved with the organization and : increases motivation to perform well; increases commitment to the organization. It makes for better relationships and understanding between : boss and sub-ordinates colleagues people within the organization and outside it
It helps people understand the need for change : how they should manage it; how to reduce resistance to change.
Purposes of Communication Managers need to be

effective communicators to achieve positive results in todays organisations. Some of the purposes are Seeking or receiving information, encouragement, control, selling proposals, confrontation. Talking to different levels within the hierarchy to individuals, to groups, to departments and externally to customers, suppliers, vendors, and other professionals. Using both formal communication - Meetings, reports, proposals, notices; and Informal communication - counseling, advising, talking to other employees. Working in different roles: as Chairman, project leader, analyst, subordinate , colleague. Evaluating communications : are they facts, opinions, gossip ? Building up networks to obtain real information which may be given freely or concealed which means you need to ask the right questions, or else you will find yourself drowned in data but starved of information. Trying to influence those over whom you have no power. ORGANISATIONAL COMMUNICATION Organisational communication can be External Communication and Internal Communication. Internal Communication is within the organisation, whereas, External Communication is the communication with the external stakeholders of the organisation. The importance and the purpose of the communication in organisation has been explained above.
Communication in organizations use two basic channels formal and informal. Both are important and both carry messages sometimes reinforcing and sometimes conflicting throughout the organisation. Formal channels are ones which have been set up by the organisation. Messages flow in three directions : downwards, upwards and sideways . The downward message consists primarily of information which is necessary for any staff to carryout their work, such as policies and procedures, orders and requests which are passed down the appropriate level in the hierarchy. Upward messages are reports, requests, opinions, complaints. Sideways messages are between different departments, functions or people at the same level in the organisation. There tend to be strict rules about the use of these formal channels. For communication to be effective, all three channels need to be open and unblocked at all times. The upward channel is the one which blocks most easily, and when this happens it is an indicator that an organisations policies, procedures and employee relations need to be reviewed. Informal Channels spring up by virtue of common interests between people in the organisation these interests may be caused by work, social or outside relationships. The grapevine is very powerful channel. It has been estimated that managers receive over half the information they need for planning purposes through the grapevine. Its messages may frequently be distorted, but they often carry more credibility than those coming from the formal channels. Informal channels become the only means of communication when the formal channels become blocked or break-down.
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The Communication Process

Although all of us have been communicating with others since our infancy, the process of transmitting information from an individual (or group) to another is a very complex process with many sources of potential error. To communicate well, we need to know ourselves and our frames of references and to be able to assess other people.
CONTE XT Stimuli SENDE R ENCODIN G (experiences, attitudes, skills) Perception Idea encoding Symbol decisions Sending mechanisms DECODIN RECEIVE G R (experiences, attitudes, skills) Receptor Mechanism Perception Decoding Idea interpretation
MESSAG E MEDIU M Verbal, NonVerbal

NOIS E
FEEDBACK Verbal, NonVerbal
RESPON SE
The communication process involves :

Two major parties in communication sender and receiver Two major communication tools message and medium Four major communication functions encoding, decoding, response and feedback. and noise or barriers to communication that may interfere or distort the intended communication. Every message whether oral or written, begins with context a broad field that includes country, culture, organization, and external and internal stimuli. External stimulus prompts you to send a message whereas internal stimulus have an complex influence on how you translate ideas into a message. The encoding process refers to the forming of the messages to be sent and is influenced by the knowledge, beliefs, biases, and feelings of the sender. The message is the core idea you wish to communicate and it consist of both verbal (written or spoken) symbols and non-verbal ( unspoken) symbols. Communication effectiveness also depends upon the message forms Words, Paralanguage, Non-verbal behaviour. Words are the phrases that we select to express the thought that we intend to communicate including vocabulary, language, phrases, sentence structure and sentence clarity. Words can insult, injure, or exalt. They can lead to costly errors, false hopes, or disillusionment. They can evoke pride, loyalty, action or silence and are critical to the influence process. ( You are the master of the words you are yet to say, but you are the slave of the words you have already said. ) Paralanguage is the characteristics of the voice, such as rate of speech, diction, tone , rhythm and volume. Voice is a highly versatile instrument. Through it one can convey enthusiasm,
confidence, anxiety, urgency, serenity, and other states of mind and intent. The ability of the voice to affect how something is said is known as paralanguage. Non-verbal behaviour is anything that can be seen by the other person, such as gestures, facial expression, eye contact, body language, positioning. Non-verbal cues serve as windows to emotions, desires and attitudes. The medium depends upon the contextual factors and nature of the message discussed above. The choice of medium is influenced by the relationship between the sender and the receiver. Other factors that influence the choice of medium is importance, number of receivers, communication costs, and the amount of information. For internal communication, written media may be memos, reports, bulletins, job descriptions, posters, notes, employee manuals etc.. Oral communication may take the form of staff meeting, face to face discussions, audio tapes, telephonic conversations or videotapes. External communication media may be letters, reports, proposals, telegrams, faxes, e-mail catalogues , new releases, live presentations etc. In obtaining the message, the receiver decodes the message through assimilation and interpretation. During this process, the receivers knowledge, beliefs, biases, and perceptions affect how well the message is understood and accepted. The receivers response is based on his perception of the symbols based on his knowledge, belief and biases. Feedback is the process by which the receiver communicates to the sender an understanding of the message which was sent. Feedback can occur through words, paralanguage and non-verbal communication. A question sent by the sender which is answered by a receivers blank stare is as an example of a non-verbal feedback loop.
For a communication to be effective the senders encoding process must mesh with the receivers decoding process i.e .effectiveness is a measure of reception coupled with understanding. Research has indicated that 7% of the senders meaning is from the receivers perception and interpretation. 38% is conveyed by the receivers perception of senders voice. 55% is conveyed by the receivers interpretation of senders non-verbal cues. However, communication does not occur in a vacuum . There is always noise or barriers to communication. Noise is any activity, person or thing that disrupts or impedes communication process and it can occur if the sender and the receiver do not have a common frame of reference for communication.
Barriers to Effective Communication

There are a wide number of sources of noise or interference that can enter into the communication process which prevent the achievement of the desired result . Barriers to Communication can be classified into three groups :
Barriers to reception Environmental stimuli The receivers attitudes and values The receivers needs and expectations Barriers to understanding : Language and semantic problems The ability of the receiver to listen and receive, especially messages which threatens his or her self concept. The length of the communication Status effects Barriers to acceptance : Prejudices Interpersonal conflicts between sender and receiver. The following are the sources of noise or barriers to communication : 1. Physical 2. Mechanical 3. Mental 4. Cross-cultural 5. Socio-psychological
1. Physical Barriers Environmental Disturbances like traffic noise, loud sound, passing train etc. Time and Distance Personal Problems of health Poor hearing ( due to defective hearing) Poor presentation due to speech defects like stammering, lisping etc. Poor verbal skills 2. Mechanical Barriers
Noisy transmission (unreliable messages, inconsistency) The different media (machines or instruments) used for communication, very often becomes the barrier. Nonavailability of proper machines or presence of defective machines. Wrong channels or medium 3. Mental Barriers From the senders point of view ignorance of the language and confused thinking are the mental barriers. From the receivers point of view ignorance of the language, limitations in ability, intelligence understanding divided attention are the serious mental barriers.
and
Semantic Problems occur when people use either the same word in different ways, or different words in the same way. The choice of words or language in which a sender encodes a message will influence the quality of communication. Because language is a symbolic representation of a phenomenon, room for interpretation and distortion of the meaning exists. Meaning has to be given to words and many factors affect how an individual will attribute meaning to particular words. It is important to note that no two people will attribute the exact same meaning to the same words. Misreading of body language, tone and other non-verbal forms of communication Receiver distortion: selective hearing, ignoring nonverbal cues .
Voice control - Pitch, modulation of voice helps in making communication effective. Communicators thinking should be clear. 4. Cross Cultural Barriers Effective communication requires deciphering the basic values, motives, aspirations, and assumptions that operate across geographical lines. Given some dramatic differences across cultures in approaches to such areas as time, space, and privacy, the opportunities for miscommunication while we are in cross-cultural situations are plentiful. Values, Attitudes and Opinions Pre-conceived notions : We judge people before they speak by allowing our opinions and ideas of them come in the way of trying to know what the speaker is saying. Assumptions i.e. assuming others see situation same as you, has same feelings as you Status effects : power struggles Defensiveness, distorted perceptions, guilt, projection, transference, distortions from the past, negative emotions Distrusted source, erroneous translation, value judgment, state of mind of two people. Perceptual Biases: People attend to stimuli in the environment in very different ways. We each have shortcuts that we use to organize data. Invariably, these shortcuts introduce some biases into communication. Some of these shortcuts include stereotyping, projection, and self-fulfilling prophecies. Stereotyping is one of the most common. This is when we assume that the other person has certain characteristics based on the group to which they belong without validating that they in fact have these characteristics.
Interpersonal Relationships: How we perceive communication is affected by the past experience with the individual. Perception is also affected by the organizational relationship two people have. For example, communication from a superior may be perceived differently than that from a subordinate or peer
Overcoming barriers to communication

If communication is oral, it must be clear and not heavily accented. Words must be chosen in such a way that miscommunication is avoided. People should be oriented to listen with attention and read with concentration. If instruments are used they should be in proper working condition. The communicator should try to reach the audience by speaking and writing from their point of view. The you attitude must be used on all occasions. Semantic noises must be avoided. All communication should try to persuade and not rush or overwhelm people. Psychological barriers can be effectively overcome through persuasion. Proper arrangement must be made to obtain feedback. The sooner you obtain feedback the sooner will you be able to change your mode and manner of communication and make it more effective. Make sure you are using the proper channel of communication whether it is through written, verbal or with visual aids. Action to be taken to overcome barriers of effective communication
Sender WHO : To whom should the message go ? WHY : Why am I communicating ? what are my motives ? WHAT : Decide what to communicate. Be clear about what you need to communicate. WHEN : Choose the best time for optimum reception. HOW : Use language the receiver will understand and which unambiguous. WHERE : Choose a location which will not interfere with the reception, understanding and acceptance of the message. Keep checking with the receiver. Receiver Be fully ATTENTIVE to sender Listen ACTIVELY to the messages being sent. ASK for clarifications, reception where necessary. Keep checking with sender. Together Realize that misunderstandings are bound to occur, and be ALERT for all cues to this effect. LISTEN, listen, listen, and listen again. TEST your understanding of the message. Share OPINIONS, feelings and perceptions generated by the message.
Reading Nonverbal Communication Cues

A large percentage (studies suggest over 90%) of the meaning we derive from communication, we derive from the non-verbal cues that the other person gives. Often a person says one thing but communicates something totally different through vocal intonation and body language. These mixed signals force the receiver to choose between the verbal and nonverbal parts of the message.
Most often, the receiver chooses the nonverbal aspects. Mixed messages create tension and distrust because the receiver senses that the communicator is hiding something or is being less than candid. Nonverbal communication is made up of the following parts: Appearance Body Language Tactile Vocal Use of time, space, and image
Appearance - conveys non-verbal impressions that affect the receivers attitudes towards the verbal messages even before they read or hear them. Personal appearance convey impressions regarding occupation, age, nationality, social and economic levels, job status, and good or poor judgments depending on circumstances. Similarly appearance of written messages may impress the receiver as important, routine or junk mail. Appearance of the surroundings has an effect on persons involved in the communication process. Body Language - includes facial expression, eye movement, posture, and gestures. The face is the biggest part of this. All of us "read" people's faces for ways to interpret what they say and feel. This fact becomes very apparent when we deal with someone with dark sunglasses. Of course we can easily misread these cues especially when communicating across cultures where gestures can mean something very different in another culture. For example, in American culture the head going up and down whereas in India, a side-to-side head movement might mean the same thing might indicate agreement. We also look to posture to provide cues about the communicator; posture can indicate self-confidence, aggressiveness, fear, guilt, or anxiety. Similarly, we look at
gestures such as how we hold our hands, or a handshake. Many gestures are culture bound and susceptible to misinterpretation. Tactile: This involves the use of touch to impart meaning as in a handshake, a pat on the back, an arm around the shoulder, a kiss, or a hug. Vocal: The meaning of words can be altered significantly by changing the intonation of one's voice. Think of how many ways you can say "no"-you could express mild doubt, terror, amazement, anger among other emotions. Vocal meanings vary across cultures. Intonation in one culture can mean support; another anger . Use of Time as Nonverbal Communication: Use of time can communicate how we view our own status and power in relation to others. Think about how a subordinate and his/her boss would view arriving at a place for an agreed upon meeting.. Physical Space: For most of us, someone standing very close to us makes us uncomfortable. We feel our "space" has been invaded. People seek to extend their territory in many ways to attain power and intimacy. We tend to mark our territory either with permanent walls, or in a classroom with our coat, pen, paper, etc. We like to protect and control our territory. For Americans, the "intimate zone" is about two feet; this can vary from culture to culture. This zone is reserved for our closest friends. The "personal zone" from about 2-4 feet usually is reserved for family and friends. The social zone (4-12 feet) is where most business transactions take place. The "public zone" (over 12 feet) is used for lectures. At the risk of stereotyping, we will generalize and state that Americans and Northern Europeans typify the noncontact group with small amounts of touching and relatively large spaces between them during transactions. Arabs and Latins normally
stand closer together communication.
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do
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of
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during
Similarly, we use "things" to communicate. This can involve expensive things, neat or messy things, photographs, plants, etc. Image: We use clothing and other dimensions of physical appearance to communicate our values and expectations
Nonverbal Communication:
A "majority" of the meaning we attribute to words comes not from the words themselves, but from nonverbal factors such as gestures, facial expressions, tone, body language, etc. Nonverbal cues can play five roles: Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message Accenting: non-verbal communication may accept or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message. Skillful communicators understand the importance of nonverbal communication and use it to increase their effectiveness, as well as use it to understand more clearly what someone else is really saying. A word of warning. Nonverbal cues can differ dramatically
from culture to culture. An American hand gesture meaning "A-OK" would be viewed as obscene in some South American countries.
ANALYSIS OF COMMUNICATION
Any communication, whether oral or written can be analyzed to determine whether it is True, False or Dont Know (unclear) or whether it is fact, hearsay or opinion. Both aspects of analyzing communication are inter-related. Analyses of communication is necessary because, often wrong feedback is generated as a result of assuming or presuming something in the communication with possibly dangerous results, which were intended. When a communication is received, the receiver, after listening attentively or reading carefully, must be able to decide whether the contents of the communication are true, false or unclear. Any communication or part of the communication is : TRUE FALSE : : If it is an agreement with the fact that it is actual, accurate or correct. Immediate feedback may be given. If it is wrong, erroneous, deceptive, deceiving,
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DONT KNOW
untruthful, nor genuine nor real. No feedback required. If its is not clear and requires clarification from the sender before feedback is given.
A communication is said to be a : FACT : If it relates to any act, deed or event that has happened or is happening. HEARSAY : If the communication relates to something which the communicator has only heard about ( but not having actually seen ) and reports thereafter. OPINION : If it appears to be possibly true, or an estimation, or judgment, or view, or idea of the communicator. When analyzing a communication do not : ASSUME : Take things said or written for granted at the face value or pretend to possess hidden information or to take upon yourself that you are right. PRESUME : Take as true without examination of proof or assume or rely on or count on unduly, the communication to be entirely true.
LISTENING SKILLS
Research has shown that people spend 48 % of their communication time in listening, 22 % in speaking, 18 % in reading and 12 % in writing. Despite this, the average listener understands and retains about half of what is said immediately after a presentation and within 48 hours, this level drops off to 22%. Hence, listening is the most critical skills in the communication process..
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Let us first look at the different types of listening . Figure shows two types of listening and three levels of listening intensity for both types. Active listening occurs when a manager has little or no opportunity to interact verbally with the speaker, whereas interactive listening occurs when people have the opportunity to interact verbally with the speaker by asking questions or by summarizing. The level of intensity reflects the relevance, the importance, or the significance of the information involved.
ACTIVE LEVELS OF INTENSITY
INTERACTI VE
Empathe Empathet tic ic
Factual
Factual
Casual
Casual
Four types of listeners have been identified. They are the nonlisteners, the marginal listeners, the evaluative listeners, and the active listeners. The non-listeners and the marginal listeners hear the words being spoken, but are pre-occupied, uninterested, or busy preparing their next statement. These listeners are neither concerned with the message nor the context in which it is being presented. The evaluative listener makes a sincere attempt to listen by paying attention to the speaker, but makes no effort to understand the intent of the speakers message. This listener hears the words, but not the feelings and the meaning of the words. The active listener hears and understands the message. The active listeners full attention is on the content of the message and the intention of the speaker.
Importance of Listening
To gain new information , ideas and data for decision making and thus aim at problem solving. To follow directions better and make fewer mistakes, and thereby become more dependable. A good listener stands out like a beacon of courtesy and fine manners in a sea of competitive talkers. Good listeners are better informed Good listening spares embarrassment. Good listening promotes understanding. Listening does not mean agreement. It is a courtesy extended by the listener to the speaker. It is a conscious physical effort to pay attention and thereby understand. BARRIERS TO LISTENING - PHYSICAL BARRIERS Prejudice against the speaker Attention is lost when the speakers position, attitude or belief is entirely contrary to the listener. External distraction the physical environment affects listening. Among the negative factors are noisy fans, poor or glaring lights, distracting background music etc. which might distract the listeners attention from the speakers message. Thinking speed - We speak at an average speed of 125 w.p.m., but our brain is able listen at a speed of 400 600 w.p.m.. Since the brain can listen faster than we can speak, a listening gap occurs for the average person. This gap allows the mind to wander to thoughts unrelated to those being expressed by the speaker and influences the ability of the receiver to accurately hear the message being sent
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Semantic Stereotypes Internal reaction words vary from person to person, each list influenced by feelings, attitudes, prejudices, and biases we carry within us. Hence , some words cause negative reactions. We tune out the speaker because the words annoy us; it shouts so loudly in the brain that effective listening is impaired. PSYCHOLOGICAL BARRIERS Premature evaluation - As a result of rapid thinking we race ahead to what we feel is the conclusion. We anticipate. We arrive at the concluding thought quickly although often one that is quite different from that the speaker intended. Emotional blocks - popularly called as Deaf Spots prevent a person from taking in and retain certain ideas. There are certain people who cannot listen to figures, to politics, or to description of surgical operation. Detouring - Delivery style of the speaker can put off or create interest in the listeners. The tendency to criticise speakers manner, appearance, voice etc. impairs effective listening.
Effective Listening skills

There are a number of situations when you need to solicit good information from others; these situations include interviewing candidates, solving work problems, seeking to help an employee on work performance, and finding out reasons for performance discrepancies. Skill in communication involves a number of specific
strengths. The following lists some suggestions for effective listening when confronted with a problem at work: Listen openly and with empathy to the other person Judge the content, not the messenger or delivery; comprehend before you judge Use multiple techniques to fully comprehend (ask, repeat, rephrase, etc.) Active body state; fight distractions Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; paraphrase what the other is saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the employee's concern Attend to non-verbal cues, body language, not just words; listen between the lines Ask the other for his views or suggestions State your position openly; be specific, not global Communicate your feelings but don't act them out (eg. tell a person that his behavior really upsets you; don't get angry) Be descriptive, not evaluative-describe objectively, your reactions, consequences Be validating, not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"); acknowledge others uniqueness, importance Be conjunctive, not disjunctive (not "I want to discuss this regardless of what you want to discuss"); Don't totally control conversation; acknowledge what was said Own up: use "I", not "They"... not "I've heard you are no cooperative" Don't react to emotional words, but interpret their purpose Practice supportive listening, not one way listening Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates
A major source of problem in communication is defensiveness. Effective communicators are aware that defensiveness is a typical response in a work situation especially when negative information or criticism is involved. Be aware that defensiveness is common, particularly with subordinates when you are dealing with a problem. Try to make adjustments to compensate for the likely defensiveness. Realize that when people feel threatened they will try to protect themselves; this is natural. This defensiveness can take the form of aggression, anger, competitiveness, avoidance among other responses. A skillful listener is aware of the potential for defensiveness and makes needed adjustment. He or she is aware that self-protection is necessary and avoids making the other person spend energy defending the self. In addition, a supportive and effective listener does the following: Stop Talking: Asks the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; asks for other's views and suggestions Looks at the person, listens openly and with empathy to the employee; is clear about his position; be patient Listen and Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the other's concern is validating, not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"); acknowledge others uniqueness, importance checks for understanding; paraphrases; asks questions for clarification don't control conversation; acknowledges what was said; let's the other finish before responding Focuses on the problem, not the person; is descriptive and specific, not evaluative; focuses on content, not delivery or emotion
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Attend to emotional as well as cognitive messages (e.g., anger); aware of non-verbal cues, body language, etc.; listen between the lines React to the message, not the person, delivery or emotion Make sure you comprehend before you judge; ask questions Use many techniques to fully comprehend Stay in an active body state to aid listening Fight distractions ( if in a work situation) Take Notes; Decide on specific followup actions and specific follow up dates LISTENING TO NON-VERBAL MESSAGES The renowned communication researcher found that only 7 % of a messages effect is carried by words; listeners receive the other 93 % through nonverbal means. Birdwhistell suggested that spoken words account for no more than 30 35 % of all social interaction. Nonverbal communication can be divided into facial expressions, postures, gestures and spatial messages. (Read assignment)
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
What is Assertiveness?
It is a behaviour which helps us to communicate clearly and confidently our needs, wants and feelings to other people without abusing in any way their human rights. It is an alternative to passive, aggressive and manipulative behaviour. Or in other words - Assertiveness is the ability to honestly express your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, without undue anxiety, in a way that doesn't infringe on the rights of others. It's dependent on a feeling of self-efficacy, a sense that if you behave in a certain way, something predictable will occur. Where does non-assertive behavior come from? Many of us are taught that we should always please and/or defer to others, that it is not nice to consider our own needs above those of others, or that we shouldn't "make waves", that if someone says or does something that we don't like, we should just be quiet and try to stay away from that person in the future. Assertiveness is often confused with aggressiveness. There is a big difference between these two concepts, however. It is useful to think of a continuum (below) along which the whole range of human behavior lies. Some behavior is extremely passive (at one end of the continuum), some is extremely aggressive (at the other end), and some (assertive) lies somewhere in between:
passive<------------>Assertive<----------->
AGGRESSIVE.
It's not aggressiveness; it's a middle ground between being a bully and a doormat. Why is Assertiveness Important? If you don't know how to be assertive, you might experience
Depression. From anger turned inward, a sense of being helpless, hopeless, with no control over your life. Resentment. Anger at others for manipulating or taking advantage of me. Frustration. How could I be such a wimp? Why did I let someone victimize me? Temper/violence. If you can't express anger appropriately, it builds up until it blows. Anxiety, which leads to avoidance. If you begin to avoid situations or people that you know will make you uncomfortable, you may miss out on fun activities, job opportunities, relationships, and lots of other good stuff. Poor relationships of all kinds. Non-assertive people are often unable to express emotions of any kind, negative OR positive. It's murder for a relationship when the partners can't tell each other what they want and need and how the other person affects them. No one is a mind reader. The same is true for friendships and work relationships. Physical complaints. Headaches, ulcers, high blood pressure. We all know what stress does to our bodies, and assertiveness, when it becomes a habit, is a great stress reliever. Parenting problems. Kids are born knowing how to test the limits their parents set for them. If parents aren't assertive and firm, their kids will walk all over them! Selective Assertiveness: Most people find it easier to be assertive in some situations than in others. This makes perfect sense. It's a lot easier to hold your ground with a stranger than with someone you love who might get angry if you express your true feelings. But the more important the relationship is to you, the more important it is to be assertive. Assertive behaviors lead to increased respect from others, their
willingness to see you as a person who respects him/herself, a worthwhile person, a more loveable person! Is assertiveness always the best way to go? Before you decide to act assertively in a given situation, you have to decide if you can live with the consequences. Although assertive behaviour usually will result in a positive response, some people might react negatively to it. For example, if your boss is completely unreasonable and is known to go ballistic if anyone dares question his orders, even non-aggressive, respectful, assertive behavior might set him off and you could lose your job. If that's your situation, then you may decide you can't afford to be assertive, and learn other stress management techniques. Setting the stage: If you're planning to try assertive behavior, remember that the other person is used to your behaving in a certain way, and may be thrown for a loop or thoroughly confused when you change your communication style. Why not tell the other person up front what you're trying to do? It helps to choose a peaceful moment for this. Then you might say something like I need to tell you something and I'd like you to hear me out before you comment. I've noticed lately that after we've been working on a project together, I find myself feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I've been thinking about it and I've realized that I often go along with your ideas, without insisting on considering some of my ideas as well, because I'm afraid of upsetting you. From now on I'm going to try something different. When I start to get those frustrated feelings, I'm going to ask that we stop before making a final decision and be sure we have considered all the options.
I know that will be a change for you, but I really think it's fair and I know I'll do a better job and feel better about myself if I can tell you about my ideas." How can anyone argue with that statement? Techniques: Case"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to go somewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing as soon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we had planned to leave. I know you get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not, but when you do that, I get all flustered and take even more time. By the time we get in the car, we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to have a good time. From now on, let's be sure we know what time we want to leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to another room and read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you come into the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leave and start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remind you of the time, ask you to go to another room, and close the door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seem weird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot more over the long run." Discussions - There are three parts of each assertive intervention: 1. Empathy / validation: Try to say something that shows your understanding of the other person's feelings. This shows them that you're not trying to pick a fight, and it takes the wind out of their sails. From the above example, "I know that you get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not. 2. Statement of problem: This piece describes your difficulty/dissatisfaction, tells why you need something to change.
For example, " but when you do that, I get all flustered and take even more time. By the time we get in the car, we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to have a good time." 3. Statement of what you want: This is a specific request for a specific change in the other person's behavior. For example, "From now on, let's be sure we know what time we want to leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to another room and read the paper or watch TV?" How to be effectively assertive: Use assertive body language. Face the other person, stand or sit straight, don't use dismissive gestures, be sure you have a pleasant, but serious facial expression, keep your voice calm and soft, not whiney or abrasive. Use "I" statements. Keep the focus on the problem you're having, not on accusing or blaming the other person. Example: "I'd like to be able to tell my stories without interruption." instead of "You're always interrupting my stories!" Use facts, not judgments. Example: "Your punctuation needs work and your formatting is inconsistent" instead of "This is sloppy work." or "Did you know that shirt has some spots?" instead of "You're not going out looking like THAT, are you?" Express ownership of your thoughts, feeling, and opinions. Example: "I get angry when he breaks his promises." instead of "He makes me angry." or "I believe the best policy is to" instead of "The only sensible thing is to " Make clear, direct, requests. Don't invite the person to say no. Example: "Will you please ... ?" instead of "Would you mind ?" or "Why don't you ?" Admit errors Give and take fair criticism Give and take complements easily
Look for solutions while dealing with a problem & not beat about the bush. Special techniques for difficult situations: Broken record: Keep repeating your point, using a low level, pleasant voice. Don't get pulled into arguing or trying to explain yourself. This lets you ignore manipulation, baiting, and irrelevant logic. Example: You are taking something back to a store that you know gives refunds, but the clerk first questions your decision, tries to imply that there's something wrong with you because you changed your mind, tells you that she can only give a store credit, etc. Using the broken record, you walk into the store and say "I decided I don't need this and I'd like my money back." Then no matter what the clerk says, you keep repeating "I decided I don't need this and I'd like my money back." If she doesn't get it, simply ask to speak to a manager and say the same thing. Trust me, it works! Fogging: This is a way to deflect negative, manipulative criticism. You agree with some of the fact, but retain the right to choose your behavior. Example: Mom: "Your skirt is awfully short, don't you think you should wear longer skirts? They're the style now." You: "You're right, skirts are longer now." Agree with as much of the facts as you want to, but dont agree to change your skirt length. Fogging is great for avoiding fights and making people stop criticizing. With significant others, when you need to keep living together, it's best to quietly hear them out, then assertively give your response. Content to Process Shift:: This means that you stop talking about the problem and bring up, instead, how the other person is behaving RIGHT NOW. Use it when someone's not listening or trying to use humor or a distraction to avoid the issue. Example: "You're getting off the point. I'm starting to feel frustrated because I feel like you're not listening."
Defusing: Letting someone cool down before discussing an issue. Example: "I can see that you're upset, and I can even understand part of your reaction. Let's talk about this later." Also, if they try to stay with it, you always have the right to walk away. Assertive inquiry / stop action: This is similar to the content to process shift. "Let's hold it for a minute, something isn't working, what just happened?, how did we get into this argument?" This helps to identify the real issue when the argument is actually about something bigger than the immediate topic. Example: "Can you help me with this statistics problem? Man, will you just get off my back? You know how much I have to do today! Why is it such a problem to take 15 minutes to help me with this? You told me last night that you would! I get so tired of you always asking me to do these things right when I'm in the middle of something! Whoa, let's take a break here. How did we get from my stats problem to you being tired of my interruptions?" The real problem, is not the stats problem, it's timing. Now that topic is open for discussion and they're becoming aware of how their arguments escalate. Summarization: This helps to make sure you understand the other person. Example: "So what you're trying to tell me is.... Specificity: It's really important to be very clear about what you want done. This helps prevent distractions. Example: "The thing I really wish is that you'd pick your clothes up off the floor."
One of the most common problems in communications is caused by trying to read people's minds or expecting them to read yours. If you want people to respond to your ideas and needs, you have to be able to say what they are, and say it in a way that will make others want to respond nicely. Do you remember the self-efficacy part from the beginning of this piece? The belief, that if you do something in a particular way, you will be effective? Even if you don't believe that now, but you muster your courage and try some of these techniques in situations that are not hugely threatening, the results will probably be so encouraging that you will begin to believe in your effectiveness. If it's really scary to think about being assertive, try it first with people you don't know. Think of someone you know who is assertive and pretend you are that person. Once you become comfortable with assertive behaviors in less threatening situations, you can crank it up a notch and use it all the time. When assertiveness becomes a habit, you will wonder how you ever got along before you started using it. The nicest thing about all of this is that after you've become truly assertive, you probably won't need to use these techniques very much. As people practice assertive communication, you can almost see that little spark of self-respect glimmer, flicker, take hold, and burst into flame. People can sense it when you respect yourself, and they will treat you with respect. And that is the ultimate goal of assertive communication. COMMUNICATION STYLES Assertion is a style of communication. We all have learned different styles of communication as we have adapted to the various situations of our lives. If some of our styles of communication do not work well in our current situation, they can be changed and replaced with new behaviors. Though there are times when it is best to be passive and times when it is best to be aggressive, in most situations it works best to communicate assertively.
DEFINITIONS (from Lange & Jakubowski) Assertion standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest, and appropriate ways that do not violate another persons rights. The basic message of assertion is: This is what I think. This is what I feel. This is how I see the situation. The goal of assertion is communication and mutuality; that is, to get and give respect, to ask for fair play, and to leave room for compromise when the rights and needs of two persons conflict. Passivity violating ones own rights by failing to express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs and consequently permitting others to violate oneself or expressing ones thoughts and feelings in such an apologetic, diffident, self-effacing manner that others can easily disregard them. The basic message of passivity is My feelings dont matter only yours do. My thoughts arent important - yours are the only ones worth listening to. Im nothing you are superior. The goal of passivity is to appease others and to avoid conflict at any cost. Aggression
directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way that is often dishonest, usually inappropriate, and always violates the rights of others. The basic message of aggression is: This is what I think youre stupid for believing differently. This is what I want what you want is not important. This is what I feel your feelings dont count. The goal of aggression is domination and winning, forcing the other person to lose. Winning is ensured by humiliating, degrading, belittling, or overpowering other people so that they become weaker or less able to express and defend their needs and rights. IMPORTANCE OF PROCESS The major impact of interpersonal communication comes not from what we say (content) but from how we say it (process). Assertive content with passive process will communicate passivity. Some examples of important process variables include: Assertion: Direct but non-invasive eye contact, modulated voice, respect for spatial boundaries, use of illustrative gestures, an erect but relaxed posture. Passive: No eye contact (or indirect evasive eye contact), soft/whiny/or muffled voice, cringing/or physically making yourself small (hang-dog posture), use of nervous or childish gestures.
Aggressive: Invasive/angry staring-eye contact, loud strident voice, invasion of spatial boundaries, use of aggressive gestures (parental finger), stiff, muscled up, posture, towering over others. EFFECTS OF BEHAVIOUR Submissive or Passive Behaviour: Short Term effects on self are Reduction in anxiety because you have avoided potential conflict Escape from feeling of guilt You feel sorry for your self You feel a false sense of pride that you take on a lot of work. Long Terms effects on self are Low self esteem Increase in anger, hurt and self-pity Internal tension of nervousness and anxiety. Effects in others Initially others feel sorry for you. They feel guilty of taking advantage of you. Then they get irritated with you. Thereafter they cease to respect you. Finally, they restrict their contact with you. Effects on organisation. Conflicts will not be handled to the satisfaction of both parties. Difficult decisions may well be avoided, or delayed for too long, or will not be implemented successfully.
Problems not tackled early enough increase almost beyond control. Fewer initiatives will be taken, so that out-dated methods will be retained and opportunities lost. Aggressive Behaviour: Short term effects on self are Reduction in tension due to release of pent-up emotions. A sense of achievement and power where aggression appears to be successful. Long Term effects on self are Blaming others constantly. Being drained of energy Hate and mistrust of others Lack of good and lasting friends. Effects on others They feel anger, hurt and humiliation. They retaliate or they retreat and rebel silently. They take fewer initiatives. They restrict their contact with you. Effects on Organisations : Talented subordinates will leave sooner or later. When newly promoted subordinates are required to behave aggressively, they will find it difficult to cope. When seniors behave aggressively towards each other, then everyone tries to play politics. Assertive Behaviour:
Short Term and Long Term effects on self are Increased opportunity at fulfilling your needs and wants Greater self-confidence due to high self-esteem. Greater confidence in others. Improved feelings of personal security Increased opportunities for all round success Effects on others are Mutual respect between you and others. Greater chances of acceptance by others. Increased trust and responsibility by others. Better and effective co-operation. Effects on organisation : Better negotiation and decision making capabilities. Greater initiatives at improving situations at work High quality and practical solutions to problems. Reduced interpersonal conflicts. Increase in overall effectiveness. IDEAS TO KEEP IN MIND 1. Assertive behavior is often confused with aggressive behavior, however, assertion does not involve hurting the other person physically or emotionally. 2. Assertive behavior aims to equalize the balance of power, not to Win the Battle by putting down the other person or rendering them helpless. 3. Assertive behavior includes expressing your legitimate rights as an individual. You have a right to express your own wants, needs, and ideas.
4. Remember: Other individuals have a right to respond to your assertiveness with their own wants, needs, and ideas. 5. An assertive encounter with another individual may involve negotiating an agreeable compromise. 6. By behaving assertively, you open the way for honest relationships with others. 7. Assertive behavior is not only determined by what you say. A major component of the effect of your communication depends on how you say it. 8. Assertive words accompanied by appropriate assertive body language make your message more clear and have more impact. 9. Assertive body language includes: Maintaining direct eye contact. Maintaining an erect posture. Speaking clearly and audibly. Not using a soft, whiny, or muffled voice. Using facial expressions and gestures to add emphasis to your words. 10. Your communication style is a set of learned behaviors. Assertive behavior is a skill that can be learned and maintained with practice. ASKING FOR BEHAVIOR CHANGE One specific type of assertive behavior is a request for behavior change. For example: You may need to ask a room-mate to turn down the stereo so you can study. It is necessary to request that others change behavior that does not work, but it is often difficult for people to make such requests: 1. You have a right to ask for behavior change from others. (They also have the right to refuse.) 2. When you do not ask others to change a problem behavior, you risk allowing the behavior to continue and your relationship
to be strained, or waiting until you are fed up and starting a fight. 3. Requests for behavior change protect your rights, at the same time they build clear communication and more effective relationships. 4. When asking for behavior change use an I message format: WHEN ... (objectively describe the others behavior) THE EFFECTS ARE ... (describe how the behavior concretely effects you). I FEEL ... (describe how you feel). ID PREFER ... (describe an alternate behavior you prefer). OK? ... (or synonymous request for closure). You may wish to follow requests for behavior change with statements of logical consequences (If you turn down the radio when I need to study, I will also make an effort to be considerate of your needs). 5. Demonstrate assertive body language when asking for behavior change: direct eye contact, erect posture, clear speech.
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MOTIVATION
A motive is an inner state that energizes, activates, moves, directs, channels behaviour towards goals. -Bernard Beralson and Gary A Steiner. Motivation is a process that starts with a psychological deficiency or need that activates a behaviour or a drive that is aimed at a goal or incentive. Needs set up drives aimed at incentives and feedback is provide to reduce dis-equillibrium.
DRIVES (Deprivation with direction ) ) GOALS (Reduction drives)
NEEDS (Deprivation)
Needs are created whenever psychological imbalance.
there
is
physiological
or
Drives or motives are set up to alleviate needs. Physiological or psychological drives are action oriented and provide an energizing thrust towards reaching an incentive/goal. They are at the very heart of the motivational process. The example s of the need for food and water are translated into hunger and thirst drives. Goals / Incentives At the end of the motivational cycle is the goal/incentive, defines as anything that will alleviate a need and reduce a drive. Motives influence behaviour in the following ways : Serve to energize and arouse action Serve as goals / intentions in carrying out jobs/tasks. Direct and influence choices people make. Influence learning of new behaviour
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Have a heavy learning component. Are amenable to change through experience with the work environment. TYPES OF MOTIVES 1. Primary Motives 2. General Motives The Curiosity, Manipulation and Activity motives The Affection Motive 3. Secondary Motives Power Motive Achievement Motive Affiliation Motive 1. Primary Motives are motives that are unlearned and physiologically based. The most commonly recognised primary motives are hunger, thirst, sleep, sex, avoidance of pain and maternal concern. 2. General Motives are a number of motives that lie in the grey area between the primary and the secondary motives. These motives are unlearned but not physiologically based. While primary needs seek to reduce the tension or stimulation, these general needs induce the person to increase the amount of stimulation. General motives are more relevant to OB than primary motives The Curiosity, Manipulation and Activity motives It is generally recognised that these motives in human beings are quite intense. If these motives are stifled or inhibited, the total society might become very stagnant. The same is true in an organizational level.
The Affection Motive - Love and affection is a very complex form of general drive. In a world where we suffer from interpersonal, intra-individual conflict, and where quality of life, family values, and human rights are becoming increasingly important to modern society, the affection motive takes an added importance in the study of human behaviour. 3. Secondary Motives are unquestionably the most important. As a human society develops economically and becomes more complex, the primary drives, and to a lesser degree the general drives, give way to the learned secondary drives in motivating behaviour. A motive must be learned in order to be included in this category. Numerous important human motives meet this criterion, but the most important of them are POWER, ACHIEVEMENT and AFFILIATION. The Power Motive - A drive for superiority or power. Leading advocate Alfred Adler. The need to manipulate others or the drive for superiority over others, Adler developed the concept of inferiority complex and compensation. He felt tat every small child experiences a sense of inferiority . when this feeling of inferiority is combined with the need for superiority, the two rule all behaviour. The persons lifestyle is characterized by striving to compensate for feeling of inferiority, which are combined with innate drive for power. The Achievement Motive can be expressed as a desire to perform in terms of a standard of excellence to be successful in competitive situations. Characteristics of a high achiever Moderate risk taking Need for immediate feedback Satisfaction with accomplishment
Preoccupations with the task The Affiliation Motive- can be described as need for sense of belonging and plays a very complex but vital role in human behaviour. This motive is an important part of group dynamics. The Security Motive - People have learned security motive to protect themselves from the contingencies of life and actively try hard to avoid situations that would prevent them from satisfying their primary, general and secondary motives. The Status Motive Along with security, the status or prestige motive is especially relevant to a dynamic society. Status is the relative ranking a person holds in a group, organisation or society. It manifests itself through symbols. The sources of status are family background caste , class Physical qualities Race, physique, beauty. Achievements education, profession Possessions wealth, property Authority and power formal position.
COMMUNICATING WITH STAKEHOLDERS Who are the stakeholders ? Why communicate with them ? Times are changing and we have to change with time. Corporate communication keeps in touch with the stakeholders. What to communicate ? - the state of affairs. How to Communicate ? mailers, brochures, letters etc.
External Stakeholders 1. Shareholders 2. The Government 3. Public Institutions Financial Institutions, Regulatory bodies. 4. Customers people who keep us in business internal and external 5. Suppliers 6. JV Partners 7. Trade Organisations CII, FICCI, AIMA, AAI, IATA, IBA, Trade Unions. 8. Social Organisations NGOs, Helpage India, CRY etc. Obtain donation Business organisations support social organisations Business organisations get tax benefits. Impart training and provide employment. 9. The Community Business draws resources from community Provides employment Business has social responsibility towards community.
CULTURAL COMMUNICATION
Culture is pattern of basic assumptions invented, discovered or developed by given group as it learns to cope with its problems of external adaption and internal integration that has worked well enough to be considered valid, and, therefore to be taught to new members as the correct way to perceive, think and feel in relation to the problems. -Edgar Schein : Organisation Culture and Leadership. Culture is a set of practice and rituals which has gained acceptance over a period of time. COMPONENTS OF STRONG CULTURE VALUES Beliefs and visions of members . HEROES Standard bearers who exemplify values. RITES & RITUALS Ceremonies through which values are celebrated to strengthen the importance of values. CULTURAL NETWORK : A communication system through which cultural values are instituted and reinforced. - Terrence Deal and Allen Kennedy : Corporate Culture Rites and Rituals of Corporate Life

RESOLVING CONFLICT THROUGH COMMUNICATION Causes of Conflict

limited resources different needs, drives, wishes, demands attempts to meet basic needs for personal fulfillment: belonging-loving, sharing and cooperating with others powerachievement, accomplishment, recognition, respect freedompersonal choice fun-pursuit of pleasure
different values beliefs priorities principles cultural, social, mental and physical attributes other influences media influences culture that accepts violent behavior absence of conflict resolution / communication skills
Anatomy of a Conflict 1. A triggering event occurs.

The offender views/interprets this as an event that requires him or her to "save face." The triggering event is often trivial; most involve actions such as minor slights, or teasing, but even these can result in "aggravated assault" or "homicide." A "character contest" develops in which neither participant will back down. Participants seem to accept that conflict/violence is called for. Participants often make a deliberate choice to be violent. Invitations or challenges to fight are offered and accepted. In two-thirds of cases, there is agreement to fight before the fight begins.
2. "Opening moves" are made.
This is the action that starts the violent incident. This action may be taken by the student, antagonist or third party. The third party may be bystanders or friends. Most commonly, peers that were standing by encouraged the violence or even joined in. Very few peers attempted to stop it. Hitting is the most common opening move.
3. Common patterns of events follow the opening moves.

Very few of the actions that occur after the opening move are attempts to avoid or evade the violence. Violence escalates rapidly.
Common behavior: kicking, biting, hitting with a fist are the most common behaviors, followed by pushing, grabbing, shoving. Common emotions: anger is more common than fear, yet seldom given as the excuse for the fight.
Justifications and Excuses for Fighting

More than 80 percent of students felt their actions were justified. Sixteen percent of students made an excuse for their actions.
Justifications 1. To restore "justice," retribution, retaliation.

"Punishing" the antagonist for something he or she did (of all the goals for fighting, retribution is the most common). The primary justification given for violence: "He/she deserved it." The antagonist's guilt is neutralized when he/she feels that the victim "deserved it." Comes from an underlying value system in which violence is acceptable.
2. To gain compliance
Convincing the antagonist to desist from an offensive course of action.
3. To defend oneself or others. 4. To promote one's image.

By saving face, defending one's honor, or enhancing or maintaining one's reputation.
Excuses

Free will was impaired by anger. Reluctant-pushed into the incident by aggressors. Didn't mean to do it. Wanted money. Free will was impaired by alcohol.
Responding to Conflict Important Concepts

You have a choice. Most conflicts offer choices about different actions that can be taken. Your choice affects the outcome. The responses of those involved determine the outcome of the conflict situation. Most conflict situations can be resolved so that neither party is hurt and both parties are satisfied. This is a win-win solution. Focus on the actual or potentially harmful consequences. Think about a conflict as more than just a fight or an argument. What is likely to happen as a result of the responses of both sides? Is this a harmful or beneficial consequence? Focus on the effect of the actions taken during the conflict on the relationship between the people involved. Why is it important to think about the way your response will affect your relationship? (Most conflicts occur among family members, friends or acquaintances.)
Responding to Conflict
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Forcing, threatening Withdrawing, Aggressionignoring, avoiding Negotiating pushing, shoving Giving in Listening Anger-yelling, EXAMPLES of CompromisingUnderstanding Demanding-insist RESPONSES agreeing to Respecting on own way something that Resolving to meet Pressuring-bribe, does not really both parties needs punishment meet needs (withdrawal of love, money) Loser sees self as a "victim," is Physical damage or Interests of both EFFECTS ON SELF disillusioned, self- violence may parties are met doubting, fearful, occur; feels powerless Harms relationship; Loser Win-Lose (one may leave, attack person's needs are someone else-bully Win-Win (needs of EFFECTS ON met at the expense others, let both are met; RELATIONSHIPS of another) Loseresentment build neither is hurt) Lose (both are up until he/she is a hurt) walking powder keg Lose-Win (one Win-Lose (one person's needs are person's needs are Win-Win (needs of met at the expense met at the expense OUTCOMES both are met; of another) Lose- of another) Loseneither is hurt) Lose (no one's Lose (both are needs are met) hurt)
Conflict Resolution through Communication
Communication Styles Without adequate communication skills, adolescents may be unable to release their feelings. This lack of communication can increase stress and lower self-esteem. There are three styles of communication:

passive assertive aggressive
Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. Passive people will do something they don't want to do or make up an excuse rather than say how they feel. Assertive behavior involves standing up for oneself. Assertive people will say what they think and stand up for their beliefs without hurting others. The aggressive style of communication involves overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people try to get their way through bullying, intimidating or even physical violence. They do not or will not consider the rights of others. Types of Messages There are two types of messages that accompany each style of communication: nonverbal and verbal. Signs, symbols, posture, body movements, dress, facial expressions and gestures are examples of nonverbal messages. The nonverbal messages reinforce what the speaker is saying. For example, passive communicators often have slumped posture and a lack of eye contact. Assertive people exhibit erect posture and direct eye contact. Forward-leaning posture, pointing and a glaring look are nonverbal signals of aggressive communication. The verbal
messages for each communication style are very different. People who are passive will often ask questions to determine what others want, or they may say, "I don't care." Assertive communicators use I-messages to say what they want or need. They use refusal skills to say no while maintaining important relationships. People who are aggressive often use you-statements to blame or criticize. Components of Assertive Communication The components of verbal messages for assertive communication include I-messages and refusals. I-messages state what the sender thinks, feels, needs, wants or believes. They begin with the word I. Examples of I-messages:

I want to see Star Wars. I feel angry about the game.
There are a variety of refusal strategies, including:

Say the word no firmly. Repeat no (if needed). Let the other person know you want to stay friends.
Examples of refusals:

No, I can't sleep over on Friday, but I would like to another time. No, thanks. I'm allergic to peanuts. The cookies look really delicious, and I'm sorry I can't have one.
Building Active Listening Skills There are two components of a spoken message:
content-the words that are used feelings-how the words are expressed
Problems may arise in sending and receiving messages. The sender may wonder: Am I being understood? Is what I really mean to say getting across? The receiver may question: Am I understanding you? Am I accurately interpreting what you are saying and feeling? The solution lies in checking it out. Problems may arise in sending and receiving messages. The sender may wonder: Am I being understood? Is what I really mean to say getting across? The receiver may question: Am I understanding you? Am I accurately interpreting what you are saying and feeling? The solution lies in checking it out. Active listening is listening with the purpose of understanding the message. To be sure that the message was clearly understood, the receiver has to test that understanding. How the listener understands and interprets the message determines the response. There are two steps to active listening. decoding and giving feedback. Step One-Decoding: deciding what emotion has been communicated. The listener climbs into the other person's shoes for a minute to see where she or he is coming from. The listener must empathize, be sensitive, imagine what the sender feels. Step Two-Giving feedback: Feedback tests the accuracy of the interpretation. In giving feedback, the receiver summarizes what was heard and seeks to clarify anything not understood. If the response indicates that the receiver has interpreted the speaker incorrectly, the speaker can let the receiver know. Active vs. Passive Listening
Active listening means listening to understand and testing the understanding of what was heard and observed. It is listening to hear the real meaning behind what is said. It means paying close attention to the speaker. It means becoming involved in the speaker's concern. Passive listening is just hearing everything that is said without responding. Active listening is stopping the sender when necessary to be sure you understand what has been said and letting senders know whether you have understood what they really mean. Using Active Listening Skills When do you use this skill? Active listening is used when the other person has a problem that doesn't conflict with your needs, for example, "I realize you have a problem, I'd really like to be helpful." How do you use this skill? Display a non-judgmental attitude. Make eye contact. Use a respectful, interested tone of voice. Be aware of what your body language is saying. For example, if you say you are interested in what the speaker has to say, are you yawning, thumbing through a magazine, looking out the window while he or she is talking or doing other things that make it look like you're not really interested? Examples Matt turns in his math test, returns to his seat, puts his face down on the desk and says, "Man! I blew it." His friend Jenn says, "You feel pretty worried about your math grade, huh?"
The response, "You feel pretty worried about your math grade, huh?" is an example of an active listening response, which shows that Jenn has picked up on Matt's feeling. It provides an opening for Matt to talk more about his concern and begin to think about what to do about it. An accurate use of active listening skills will take the sender to the heart of the problem. As the problem becomes clearer, the sender can begin to get over the feelings and focus on what to do. Sample phrases to use for active listening include: "You feel..." "It sounds like you're saying..." "You want" "You think..." "You wish" The active listening process at work: "You feel pretty worried about your math grade?" Who "owns" problem? You the Identify and give feedback about the Describe the facts feeling about your math feel pretty worried grade?
Assertiveness Skills What is the difference between assertiveness (confrontation) and aggressiveness? Assertiveness, or confrontation, means taking the initiative or first
steps to deal with a problem in a constructive, self-protective manner. Assertiveness attacks the problem, not the person. Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather than the problem. It is a destructive desire to dominate another person or to force a position or viewpoint on another person; it starts fights or quarrels. When do you use assertiveness skills? These skills can be used when another's behavior is not acceptable or when continued "listening and accepting" isn't appropriate. People often avoid confronting others about their behavior because they don't want to hurt the relationship. However, avoiding problems may cause bad feelings to build and may result in an explosion or withdrawal from the relationship. Using I-messages to be assertive is constructive, rather than destructive. It helps people deal with problem behavior in a way that allows the other person to agree to change while not damaging the relationship. How do you use this skill? The goal is to get other people to change their behavior without putting them down or making them feel badly toward you. You may like the person; it's a particular behavior of the person that you don't like. Your purpose is to address the behavior, not to "dress down" the person. The Importance of I-messages I-messages are designed to deal with problems. The purpose of an I-message is to express your needs. It expresses the attitude "I am not going to give up my needs and I'm willing to help you meet your needs," creating a win-win situation.
I-messages attempt to deal with the problem situation by talking about it in terms of what is happening to me-I've got a problem. An I-message is disarming. It's hard for someone to say something nasty in response to a good I-message. On the other hand, a "you" message blames others and puts them on the defensive. Then they want to retaliate, to get even. Steps in Using I-Messages There are three parts to delivering an I-message, although sometimes not all three parts are used. A description of the behavior. What is it the other person is doing that gives you a problem? You are describing something to the other person, not blaming her or him for something. Imessages tell others that their behavior is interfering with something you need (not just something that you want). Give the other person a clear idea of what he has done without extra blame or guilt added. A description of the feeling this behavior causes you. How does what the other person is doing affect you? A description of the effects produced by the behavior. What concrete problem is the behavior causing you? If you can help other people see how their behavior effects you, then they are more likely to change the behavior. Hints for Successful I-messages

Be specific in describing the problem behavior Make eye contact Use a respectful tone of voice, not an aggressive or confrontational tone
Be aware of what your body language is saying-that it is reinforcing what your words say.
When an I-message Doesn't Work If an I-message isn't working, it may be a lousy message. Yes, the words may be OK, but the tone may be full of blame or rage or disrespect. Pay attention to the non-verbal message. Is your face red; are your eyes bulging; are you yelling to the top of your voice? Or are you cool, calm and collected? There is little to be gained by sending an anger message. Try to stop and think about why you are so angry. You will likely find other feelings underneath the anger: frustration, embarrassment, rejection, fear, hurt and loneliness. Sometimes, an I-message may not work if the other person has a strong need to continue her or his behavior. If the other person is upset and out of control, shift gears. Try active listening, change the environment, or let him or her blow off steam. I-messages also may not work if the other person doesn't agree that the "effect" on you is a real problem. This is a values collision, which occurs often in families. If there is a conflict of needs, an I-message won't be enough. You'll need to give up on the I-message and work out the conflict with some other techniques. The Conflict Resolution Process There are processes:

three
primary
conflict
resolution
problem-solving
negotiation mediation
consensus decision-making
Each of these processes has similar characteristics, including:

Parties identify their own needs and interests. Parties work cooperatively to find solutions to meet those needs and interests. Parties stay focused on the problem. Parties work cooperatively to find a mutually acceptable solution.
Each problem-solving process has similar steps:

Agree that you disagree (agree to negotiate; set the stage). Take turns talking (gather perspectives/identify interests). Restate what you think you heard (explain the other's viewpoint). Come up with a solution that works for both parties (create and evaluate options/generate agreement).
Negotiation "Negotiation is a problem-solving process in which either the two parties in the dispute or their representatives meet face to face to work together unassisted to resolve the dispute between the parties." Steps in Negotiation 1. Agree that you disagree and you will try to negotiate. 2. Take turns talking; look at things from the viewpoint of the other party. 3. Describe what you want, how you feel, and the reasons for your wants and feelings.
4. Take the other person's point of view and then summarize your understanding of what he or she wants and feels and the reasons for his or her wants and feelings. 5. Think of several ways to solve the conflict in a way that works for both parties (create win-win options). 6. Choose the best way and make an agreement to do it. 7. Get outside help if unable to resolve the conflict. Mediation "Mediation is a problem-solving process in which the two parties in the dispute or their representatives meet face to face to work together to resolve the dispute assisted by a neutral third party called the 'mediator'.'" Consensus Decision-Making "Consensus decision-making is a group problem-solving process in which all of the parties in the dispute or representatives of each party collaborate to resolve the dispute by crafting a plan of action that all parties can and will support. This process may or may not be facilitated by a neutral party."
Skills for Anger Management What Is Anger? Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. We've all felt angerperhaps as a fleeting annoyance or as a fullMMM- II, JBIMS Page 59 of 64
fledged rage. But when anger gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, at school, in personal relationships, and in the overall quality of life. Signs of Anger Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by bodily changes. When you feel angry, your heart rate, blood pressure and energy increase. Causes of Anger Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry with someone (such as a coworker or supervisor) or at an event (a traffic jam or a canceled flight). Worrying about personal problems may cause anger, and memories of traumatic or enraging events may trigger angry feelings, too. Positive Ways to Express Angry Feelings You cant get rid of or avoid the things or the people that anger you. You cant change them either. You can learn to control your emotions. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing and calming.
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive way is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn what your needs are, how to make them clear, and how to meet them without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Suppressing anger and redirecting it means holding in your anger, stopping thinking about it, and focusing on something positive. The aim is to suppress your anger and convert it into constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is
that if anger is never allowed outward expression, it may turn inward. Calming yourself down inside means not just controlling your outward behavior but also controlling your internal responses, such as taking steps to calm yourself down and let the feelings subside.
Other Tips for Controlling Anger

Use relaxation. Breathe deeply; think calm thoughts; stretch; go for a brisk walk. Change the way you think. Tell yourself positive things. Learn to problem solve. Try to communicate better. Use I-messages and other assertiveness techniques. Use humor when appropriate. Change your environment. Take a break from troublesome situations.
Approaches to Conflict Resolution There are at least three approaches to resolving conflicts peacefully:

Win-Win Approach Creative Response Broadening Perspectives.
Win-Win Approach Usually when people disagree, they battle over opposing solutions. There is a sense that one person is right and the other person is wrong. With the win-win approach, people shift their attitudes to say, I want to win and I want you to win, too. They change disagreements from right and wrong situations to cooperative
agreements. The most important step of the win-win approach is to discuss underlying needs. This helps to build solutions that acknowledge and value the underlying needs. To do this, people must ask one another questions such as:

What What What What
are your needs here? values are important to you? are the outcomes or results you want? seems like the best solution to you? Why?
The win-win approach also requires:

recognition of individual differences flexibility openness to change positions or viewpoints attack of the problem, not the people
The win-win approach works because both parties get more of what they want and they are committed to the solution. Creative Response Do you see conflict as a problem or opportunity? If you see conflict as a problem, you may tell yourself things such as Life is hard work, I have to be right, Mistakes are unacceptable, or Don't take any chances! The creative response is about turning conflicts into opportunities. It is deciding to learn from conflicts, doing something about conflicts (instead of sticking with the problems), and getting the best out of conflict situations. With this response, you think:

How else can I look at this situation? What are the possibilities? What opportunities can this bring?
Ill take a risk. Everything is a success.
With the creative response, conflicts are not about right or wrong. Rather, problems look like intriguing challenges, and errors are regarded as opportunities for learning. When you are mistaken, you turn back, note what happened, and do it differently next time. Broadening Perspectives Different perspectives about problems are inevitable. Everyone has a different viewpoint about a problem (and often we think our viewpoint is the right one). But if we broaden our perspective and look at other peoples viewpoints, we see that each one makes a contribution to the whole. Each viewpoint requires consideration and respect in order to form a complete solution. In fact, this wider view opens our eyes to many more possibilities. In this way, some conflicts can be resolved by taking a different perspective. Guidelines for this approach include:
Consider how the problem will look over a long period of time. The longer time frame can help people be more realistic about the size of the problem. Assume a broad perspective. Look at the overall system (the family, group, community, etc.) and consider what it needs in order to work well. Deal with resistance to the broader perspective. Assuming a broader perspective may be scary. People may feel less certain of the rightness of their own case. They may have to give up the security they got from the simple way they used to see the problem. They may need courage to enter the confusion of complexity. Many of these fears prove ungrounded once they are carefully analyzed.
Be open to the idea of changing and risk-taking. When people take a broader perspective, they may be confronted with the enormity of the difficulties. Identify what one person can do to affect a particular problem, even if it is only a small step in the right direction. One step forward changes the dynamics and new possibilities may open up.
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Effective Communication

The Importance Communication

Purposes of Communication Managers need to be

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

The Communication Process

MESSAG E MEDIU M Verbal, NonVerbal

FEEDBACK Verbal, NonVerbal

The communication process involves :

Barriers to Effective Communication

Overcoming barriers to communication

Reading Nonverbal Communication Cues

stand closer together communication.

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

ACTIVE LEVELS OF INTENSITY

Empathe Empathet tic ic

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Effective Listening skills

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Needs are created whenever psychological imbalance.

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 43 of 64

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 44 of 64

RESOLVING CONFLICT THROUGH COMMUNICATION Causes of Conflict

Anatomy of a Conflict 1. A triggering event occurs.

2. "Opening moves" are made.

3. Common patterns of events follow the opening moves.

Justifications and Excuses for Fighting

Justifications 1. To restore "justice," retribution, retaliation.

Convincing the antagonist to desist from an offensive course of action.

3. To defend oneself or others. 4. To promote one's image.

By saving face, defending one's honor, or enhancing or maintaining one's reputation.

Responding to Conflict Important Concepts

Conflict Resolution through Communication

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 49 of 64

passive assertive aggressive

I want to see Star Wars. I feel angry about the game.

There are a variety of refusal strategies, including:

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 53 of 64

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 54 of 64

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 55 of 64

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 56 of 64

Each of these processes has similar characteristics, including:

Each problem-solving process has similar steps:

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 58 of 64

Other Tips for Controlling Anger

Win-Win Approach Creative Response Broadening Perspectives.

What What What What

The win-win approach also requires:

Ill take a risk. Everything is a success.

MMM- II, JBIMS Page 64 of 64

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