My First Date (MMK peg na letter na medjo joke time)n

Maria is a young teen who undewent 4 life lessons after just one date: The
proper form for the proper rank (1), Integration (2), Dissimulation (3), and the
avoidance of any act suggesting disorder or lack of self control (4)
Dear Charo,
I finally got asked out on a date! -----1.
The proper form for the proper rank: Getting the approval of the
family + 1 date
Talking to someone of a higher position
Asking permission from the parents to go out on a date can always seem
intimidating but we must always conform to the rules of our parents in order to
show respect to them by using the proper language and as well as the proper
tone. Take it from me, its not easy to humble yourself from someone of a higher
position. When I got inside my fathers room I had to make beso to my mom and
dad. You see, just like in the prijaji period(?), people practiced what you called,
the andap-asor pattern wherein someone who is of a lower position has to
respect the person of a higher ranking. But if you are of equal rank, it usually
gets awkward, especially when encountering someone for the first time. Just
imagine what was going through my head when my parents finally allowed me
to go out with Jason for dinner. Whos gonna make the first move? Should I let
him pay for the bill on the first date or should I bring cash in case?
Talking to someone of an equal rank
*insert conversation of who will pay the bill*
st

2.

Indirection: Post-Date frustrations

Unfortunately, my expectations did not meet what just happened that

evening.
Alam mo yung... hindi pala okay yung naka-date mo, but you dont want
to reject him kasi maskasit? What I did was, I asked our common friend for a
favor; just an indirection. Since I didnt want to hurt Jasons feelings, I had our
friend make up a story that I was in love.. with another woman. --How did he
react? He was furious, of course. For a few weeks he made phone calls asking if
the rumor was true. But after so, he ended our so-called-relationship without me
having to tell him a thing! :) By concealing my inner thoughts i was apple to lie
in the most proper manner possible. This is what we call Dissimulation.
3 Dissimulation: Etok etok - The Aftermath

4
5 Rasa and Etiquette
Back then, the Javanese believed that bluntness was never a virtue. Each
one had to be sensitive in what one has to say and there was never a need to

too harsh or too direct to the point. in the end, this was the ultimate goal; The
Javanese called this Rasa which is the ability to make other people at peace. It
is what makes for smooth relations between people and for peace among them
and within people.
OUTLINE
Outline: Four Major principles of Prijaji Etiquette
1. The proper form for the proper rank
One must have the correct form of linguistic form.
Andap-asor pattern to humble oneself politely
o Equal rank
Moment of anxiety for 2 Javanese meet for the first time for each must
determine the others rank in order to choose the proper linguistic forms
Cue: dress, occupation, bearing
Both have to apply the andap-asor pattern most cases: each person makes
the effort to put himself in a lower position; obsessive competition to be bottom
dog
Associates height with status
Example: servants served the familys meals on their knees by kneeing and
putting the servants hands together with thumbs on the nose while making a
horizontal bow to the superiors knee or foot
o Lower rank/Higher rank
Example: Master/servant, adult/child, rich/poor, teacher/student
The inferior one takes the andap-asor pattern while the other one can take
pride in being much more superior
o Dilemma: Ngrendahake literally to humble or to lower (to insult someone
lower than themselves, resulting to a form of aggression from the other party)
Example: when you go into a store and as for a larger size of a shirt from a
lady. But this lady turns out to be a mere costumer of the store
o Note to self: always be cautious about missteps. One gives the benefit of the
doubt by practicing andap-asor competition pattern (common within the
Modojukuto circles)
o An accomplished prijaji can express all sorts of nuances of status (and insult)
2. Indirection
Kijajis (koranic techers) never explicitly informed people they were wrong
but told little stories from which the listeners could get the point less painfully.
One must her the rasa of what people are saying, the real content,
informants are always emphasizing because alus people often dont like to say
what is on their minds
Bluntness is not a virtue
o Everyone should be sensitive in what one has to say.
o Example:
A wife who got his husband to move out without having to confront him
directly.
Prijajis in Modjokuto employ agents to loan money so as not to reveal
themselves.

o The use of go-betweens: a prijaji is caught between his desire to keep his own
affairs secret and his unwillingness to face issues in their naked form. desires