Professional Documents
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Text Your Ex Back PDF
Text Your Ex Back PDF
Michael Fiore
www.textyourexback.com
CONTENTS
Contents
Introduction
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44
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63
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Dating Your Ex
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Final Thoughts
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INTRODUCTION
Introduction
(a.k.a. why this guide exists and how
its going to help you)
OK, deep breath.
If youre reading this guide, youre probably hurting right now. Heck,
you probably feel like your heart got ripped out and stomped on, and
that the pain youre feeling will never go away.
The good news is that Im here to help. In this program Im going to
lay out a step-by-step process that will show you how to use simple text
messages from your cell phone to rekindle the romance with your ex,
open him or her up to the idea of being with you again, and get things
off on the right foot as you start dating each other.
Am I GUARANTEEING that youll be able to get your ex back using this
guide? Nope. Its totally possible that after reading through this material and starting to put it into action youll decide you dont WANT to
be with your ex anymore, and that the sneaky tricks and relationship
hacks I teach you here will be better used with someone else in the
future.
But what I WILL guarantee is that after you go through this training youll have a much deeper understanding of why your relationship
ended, how the romantic and sexual mind of your ex actually works, and
how you can consciously create the relationship youve always dreamt
INTRODUCTION
of by tuning the way you think about love, sex, and romance, all while
tapping out a few simple messages with your thumbs.
Sounds whacky, I know. But youre going to be blown away when you
see how well it works.
INTRODUCTION
http://www.textyourexback.com
or she may have to getting back together with you, remind them of the
profound attraction that brought you together in the first place, and
forge a powerful new base for your relationship . . . all at the push of a
few buttons. It takes some time, but the results are VERY worth it.
Lets get cranking.
Well also cover some important CORE CONCEPTS and INNER GAME
stuff that will make the whole Text Your Ex Back process go much,
much smoother.
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like crazy in the back of their heads). If your ex got to the point
where they broke things off because you werent moving forward
together, it can actually be good news. It means theyre still attracted to you and see potential in you, but are frustrated by a
certain level of Peter Pans child who wont grow up that they see
going on. Your job is going to be to convince your ex that youre
ready to bring things to the next level, whatever that might be,
or to convince them that its not time to go to that level yet.
Feeling nagged or unappreciated/Cant relax in the relationship. I certainly see this one a lot. Dr. John Gottman (whos
an AMAZING relationship researcher at the University of Washington) says that contempt is the number one indicator of whether
or not a relationship will stand the test of time. And one of the
biggest ways men and women show contempt for each other is by
constantly nagging and criticizing. If in the past you were constantly criticizing your ex, measuring them against an unattainable ideal, or focusing more on their flaws than on their positives,
youre going to have to learn to accept your ex for who they are
and rebuild a lot of trust and self esteem. I recommend you read
Dr. Gottmans work and take it to heart. You can learn more at
http://www.gottman.com.
I met someone else. The grass is always greener, huh? Finding
out the person you love is with someone else can feel like getting
stabbed in the gut (believe me, I know). Its also completely possible
that once they settle in with a new person, theyll realize what a
good thing they left behind. Your job here will be to put your best
face forward, be as unbothered by whats happened as possible,
and slowly open the door to reconciliation.
Betrayal/Cheating. I get a lot of emails about this one. If your
ex broke up with you because of cheating, its PROBABLY because
you cheated on him or her (though sometimes someone will cheat,
realize they cheated because they wanted out of their existing relationship, and then pull the trigger).
Actually, this is as good a spot as any to talk about WHY people
cheat in the first place, and some basics about human psychology
and evolution.
When a guy cheats it almost never has anything to do with
his wife or girlfriend. This is hard for women to get their heads
around, but when a man cheats it often is for basic, unemotional
reasons. He cheats because his testosterone is driving him towards that woman like a freight train and he thinks that he cant
help himself. Im not saying guys SHOULD cheat (I firmly believe
we should keep the promises we make), but if youre a woman whos
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been cheated on, as much as it hurts, realize it probably had nothing to do with you. If the cheating was an isolated incident in an
otherwise good relationship, its not an indicator that a relationship is doomed. (Tangentially, open or semi-open relationships
can be very successful. But thats another topic for another manual.)
Women usually cheat for emotional reasons. When a woman
cheats, its usually because shes craving something shes not getting in her relationship and life. A woman will cheat as revenge (he
cheated on me; Im going to cheat on him), because shes mad at
her man (he never pays attention to me), because the man she
cheated with gave her attention shes not getting from her husband
or boyfriend, and sometimes, out of plain old-fashioned lust.
There are exceptions to both rules. Sometimes women cheat just
because they can and sometimes men cheat for deeply emotional
reasons.
Despite what you may have been told, humans are NOT evolved
to be monogamous. This one can get me in trouble with readers,
but most reputable science shows us that humans are NOT evolved
to be with just one person sexually for our entire lives. If anything,
were like Bonobo apes who have wild orgies at the drop of a hat.
Now Im NOT saying that YOU should be out there whoring it up,
and Im not condoning cheating. Personally, Im in a very happy
monogamous relationship. I am saying that damning your partner
to hell for cheating is a lot like getting angry at them for breathing,
eating food or sleeping. Humans are ALWAYS going to want and
CRAVE sexual variety. The fact that we have brains and can choose
not to indulge in that variety is what makes us human. But youll
have a much happier relationship with your man or woman if you
admit that (just like you) theyre human, make mistakes, and have
desires and cravings they cant always control.
If your ex is (or you are) a serial cheater, however, all bets are off
. . . that behavior brings up issues of honesty and respect, and most
likely isnt going to change. Take a long, hard look at what you
really want out of a relationship.
We dont communicate. Again, this is a common reason for a
woman to break up with a man. I hear from women all the time
who say I just dont know whats going on in his head, or He
never TALKS to me. Later in this manual youre going to learn
some techniques to make speaking your heart to your ex a much
simpler and less frightening experience. If youre a woman, its
also going to make it easier for you to speak in languages your
man actually responds to.
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2. Whats the REAL reason you think the relationship ended? (Be
honest here. What was at the real core of the end of the relationship?
Ask yourself the question, dig deep, and the answer will come.)
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3. Are you willing or able to address the real reason the relationship
ended? (If you dont want kids and your ex does, or vice-versa, thats
a pretty big deal breaker.) What actions are you willing to take in the
relationship to address these problems?
with them and the REAL reason you broke up with them have about as
much in common as peanut butter and nuclear weapons.
Thats OK. Remember, were dealing with reality here. Just like we did
for the readers who were broken up with, we need to create a nice,
honest map of what happened at the end of your relationship and
establish whats going through your exs mind when they think of you.
Here are some typical reasons you may have broken up with your
ex but now want them back . . .
You thought you could do better (and now realize youre wrong.
Sucks, huh?)
You thought they betrayed you (but they didnt. Jealousy can be
ugly).
You just werent attracted to them anymore (but now are).
Heat of the moment/result of a big fight.
You cheated, or he/she cheated. (See the section on cheating a few
pages back.)
If you broke up with your ex and now want them back, answer the
following questions as HONESTLY as you can.
1. Why did you break up with your ex? (The real reason. It might
take some soul searching.)
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2. What reason did you TELL your ex you broke up with them for?
If its actually the REAL reason, thats awesome. Hopefully you didnt
stonewall.
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Depending on how badly your relationship ended and what kind of relationship it was, you and your ex might be:
Not speaking at all
Seeing each other socially in a friendly way
Speaking and seeing each other only when you have to deal with
the kids
Hanging out all the time but not being romantic
Still madly in love but not willing to make it work
Some combination of the above
You need a Shift Point which would give you the chance to convert
your relationship from where it is now one step closer to your Big Goal.
Dont be too ambitious here, but define one small thing that you want
in the near term. Your Shift Point can be pretty damn small at this
point.
Write down your Shift Point to start things in the right direction.
For instance, Ive worked with people who say things like:
I want my ex to be able to have one conversation with me where
neither one of us gets angry.
I want to have lunch with my ex so we can look each other eye to
eye.
I want to make love to my ex again as quickly as possible because I
know shell feel that bond again when we do.
Whew! OK, now go on to the next page. Weve got a LITTLE BIT more
prep work to do.
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that were flung or the way he or she hurt you. But accept that it
happens. We hurt those we care about the most.
Let go of any need you might have for them to wholeheartedly
apologize or give you recompense for what happened. Whether
they SHOULD or not is immaterial. Right here, right now, you
need to FORGIVE your ex for being human, for making mistakes,
and for hurting you. Only then can you move on.
2. You need to forgive yourself. Honestly, this is even more important. Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, if you want
to get back together youre probably beating yourself up, dragging
yourself over the coals for messing up your relationship and playing the woulda shoulda coulda game in your head, trying to figure
out where you went wrong or why you werent good enough.
Its time to stop. Just like your ex is a human being, full of
frailties and desires they have no control over, so are you. If you
cheated, you cheated. Its not the greatest thing in the world, but it
doesnt mean youre a monster. If you said some things you regret,
its because you have emotions and you care. You may choose to
apologize in the future, but first you need to get cool with yourself.
There is NOTHING more unattractive in a person than self loathing
and rock-bottom self esteem. If you dont LIKE yourself and think
POSITIVE thoughts about yourself, youre never going to be able
to work the system and have your ex eagerly coming back to you.
So get your head up, dry your tears, look yourself in the mirror and
say I forgive myself. Do this Forgiveness Exercise hundreds of
times if you have to. Fake the smile for now, and eventually itll be
real.
And then play The I Like Myself Game.
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Its taken me years of work to re-jigger my self image to something awesome, but its been worth it.
In my experience, the first time you play the I Like Myself Game its
going to scare the living bejeezus out of you. In fact, a lot of people who
TRY to play the I Like Myself Game the first time end up chickening
out. They confuse liking yourself with being arrogant and go hide
under the couch until the specter of positivity passes.
So take a deep breath and get ready.
Heres all you have to do:
Take out a blank piece of paper or fire up a blank document in your
word processor of choice. (I like Pages on the Mac, but anything will
do.)
At the very top of the paper write I like (YOUR NAME), I really do . . .
(If you feel a little shot of panic doing this, thats OK. Take another deep
breath.)
In the third person (Mike is. . . ), write out what you truly LIKE about
yourself. Dont edit yourself. Dont apologize. Dont use wiggle words
or neutralizers like Id like Mikes smile, but his teeth are kind of
crooked or I like Mikes brain, but I wish he was smarter. Focus on the
positives. Dont qualify anything. Dont worry about being immodest
(modesty is noxious; Im not a fan). Be honest: what do you REALLY
like about yourself, and what do you think other people like about you,
too?
Examples of stuff you might like about yourself can include:
Personality traits: I like Bobs sense of humor. He can make a
whole room laugh with a word.
Physical traits: I like Marys butt. Its taken years of work, and
shes got an ass that draws stares when she walks down the street.
Accomplishments: I like how Jerry kept moving even when things
got tough and graduated at the top of his class.
FILL THE WHOLE PAGE. Keep going no matter how hard it gets.
The first time I did this exercise I had a panic attack, but now I can do
it in my sleep. Were going to do a variation of this exercise and use it
later in our texts. So its SUPER IMPORTANT that you do it right.
Just as an example, heres a quick I Like Myself Game for me . . .
I like Mike, I really do.
I like his energy. It crackles off him like lightning, and when
he focuses he can change the world through his sheer force of
will.
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I like how Mike cares about people. I like that Mike goes out of
his way to help the people in his life and thinks loyalty is the
most important thing in the world.
I like Mikes smile. Hes got dimples and a naughty glimmer in
his eye that makes you wonder whats going on in his head.
The first time you play this game, youre going to feel like an egotistical
git. Thats because our culture programs us to have low self esteem and
low opinions of ourselves.
Play it anyway. Write it out longhand if you can (though typing is OK,
too. My handwriting is doctor-level bad, so I type everything). You dont
have to share this with anyone, but you can if you want. Its a great
game for a couple to play together, followed by a What I Like About
You variation.
Simply by focusing on the POSITIVES about yourself, youre going to REPROGRAM your mind. Confident people and people who like themselves have better relationships.
I really cant harp on this one enough. So much of seduction, whether
its with someone new or with someone youve been with in the past, is
MENTAL. If you truly BELIEVE that you are someone your ex SHOULD
be with, is BETTER OFF with, and will be HAPPY with, itll make your
job so much easier.
Learn new tricks and ideas you can use in your relationship.
Become a better rounded and more interesting person.
Also, dating lets you use a concept called Social Proof. I dont have
room to go into a ton of detail on this, but the core idea behind social
proof is that human beings tend to emulate the action of what other
human beings are doing.
If a bunch of people are looking up and you walk by, youll probably look
up.
If you see enough testimonials in a diet ad from people saying they lost
400 pounds eating nothing but HoHos, youll be more likely to try the
diet.
And if enough OTHER people seem to find you attractive, interesting,
and sexy, then your ex is more likely to do so, as well.
(This is why Im generally a proponent of positive flirting and positive jealousy even when youre in a relationship. Another woman finding your man attractive actually reflects POSITIVELY on you, and vice
versa.)
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Sex - are you guys sexually compatible? Do you share fetishes? Sex
is important, folks, and a good and compatible sex life is 100%
critical to you having a life together.
Kids - do you have kids together? If so, thats a pretty big common
interest. What is it about your kids that drives you together? What
about your children do you both enjoy? (Oh, and if you bad mouth
your ex in front of your kids, youre a bad person. Dont do that.
Seriously.)
Hobbies - what kind of hobbies did you share? Dancing? Theatre?
Movies? Video games? Walking the beach with a metal detector?
Do you both love travel? Do you both hate Dr. Phil?
Whatever it is, get it all on paper in a big list. Be as exhaustive as you
can be. Really think out the stuff that drew you together before, and
that you think could draw you together again.
Question 2: What are the BEST EXPERIENCES you and your ex ever
had together?
Now that we know what drew you together in the first place (besides
pheromones . . . man, those things are powerful; I get within ten feet of
my girlfriend and my brain turns off and I start slobbering like a cave
man), now its time to list the BEST EXPERIENCES your ex and you
ever had together.
These should be the stories youd tell your grandkids, and the stories
that will crawl right into your exs unconscious to make them smile
or laugh, almost despite themselves.
These experiences dont necessarily have to be positive in the traditional sense. As any war vet or survivor of a natural disaster knows,
trauma has an incredible bonding effect on human beings, and being
in a foxhole together makes lifelong friends (and sometimes lovers).
These are the kinds of experiences I want you to list. Brainstorm freely
for now. You can edit down to the really good stuff later.
Your Couple Origin Story - This is the story of how you got together
in the first place. Its probably SUPER EMOTIONAL for both of
you, because you were both feeling such intense attraction when
it happened. Being able to bring that back up in your exs mind is
very powerful.
Adventures you shared - These are usually one off memories, like
that trip to the Grand Canyon, the honeymoon in Hawaii, or the
crazy weekend in Vegas. Just make sure the adventure was something you both look back on fondly, and not something your ex is
going to get annoyed by. For example, if the car broke down at the
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side of the road and you spent hours yelling and screaming about
it, you should probably leave that out.
Us Against Them experiences - These are experiences where it felt
like you and your ex were a unit and were really there for each
other against a common enemy. (In-laws and parents make great
common enemies, as long as it doesnt seem like you are criticizing
your exs family.) These can be a little complicated. Examples
could be when you helped your ex get out of a sticky legal spot,
when you stood up for your girlfriend as she was getting hit on by
a guy, etc.
Bonding Tragedies or Challenges - This is where you take a negative
and make it a positive. Bonding tragedies or challenges are times
when you and your ex really went through a tough experience together. For instance, the death of a family member, a natural disaster (We were huddled in the dark for six hours together, waiting
for the hurricane to abate), a car wreck, a trip to Burning Man or
some other hostile environment, boot camp, etc. Anything where
it was HARD but satisfying and had a positive outcome.
Romantic Experiences - Romantic memories might include the night
you proposed or got married, a really romantic vacation at a spa, a
time you surprised your partner with a day off or a trip, etc. Anything where it was really just the two of you enjoying each other
without any outside interference. This could also be the moment
you discovered you were in love or other emotionally heavy moments. (Side note: Did you know that science shows men are actually more romantically minded than women? Weird but true.)
Family Experiences - These are the moments where you felt proud of
your family or were really happy that your partner was there. The
birth of a child, or your grandparents anniversary gathering. That
time you thought your kids were threatened but they turned out
OK.
Positive Sexual Experiences - Ahh, sex. No matter how long you were
together (or how bland things may ultimately have happened in the
bedroom), Im willing to bet you have some particular sexual experiences with your ex that you revisit in your fantasies again and
again. And Im willing to bet your ex does, as well. These should
be moments when you felt particularly close to your ex emotionally, felt out of control physically, tried new things in the bedroom
(with positive or at least goofy results), had the most amazing orgasm of your life, or otherwise ended up in a sweaty, happy pile
together. Public sex experiences are great for this (the thrill of
almost getting caught sticks in the unconscious for a long time).
Mundane Experiences You Both Enjoyed - And finally, weve got the
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mundane experiences you and your ex used to enjoy. As a couple you undoubtedly had some boring stuff that you took comfort
in doing together. For me and my girlfriend, its sitting around in
our sweatpants, eating ice cream and watching Glee episodes on
Hulu. (Yes, were geeks.)
REMEMBER - no matter what the experiences are, they need to be
things that BOTH you and your ex enjoyed. Dont use stuff that was a
point of huge contention between you and your ex here. Stay POSITIVE.
Got it? Good.
Right now, list as many of these positive experiences as you can. USE AS
MUCH DETAIL AS POSSIBLE. Details are EVERYTHING when it comes
to reviving past positive emotions. (Even details that are made up can
do the job, oddly enough.)
While youre writing, also list out what the DOMINANT EMOTION around
that experience with your ex is. What FEELINGS come up for you when
you think of that experience?
Question 3: How is your ex currently FEELING about your relationship?
Ahh, emotion.
Whether its been a few weeks (at least a month, I hope) or a few years
since the break up, your ex probably still has some hot emotions
around you and your relationship. And those emotions are going to
IMMEDIATELY come up when he or she gets that first text from you.
Depending on how negative those emotions are, you might have to alter
your game plan to soothe the savage beast and slowly work your way
back into their good graces.(How your breakup went should give you
some good idea of how your ex is currently feeling about you. Did you
break up in an angry fight? Or was it more of a slow death? What does
that tell you about whats going on in your exs mind and heart?)
Write down the emotions your ex is currently feeling about you.
Anger? Why? What is that anger masking? What desires bubble
below it?
Sadness? Why?
Self righteousness? Why?
Melancholy? Regret? Dread? Whimsy?
Undoubtedly your ex has a whole stew of emotions around you, not
all of them logical. Your goal here is to be as honest as possible about
how he or she is feeling about you. This isnt the time to lie to yourself.
Lay it all on the table.
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Chances are, your ex is feeling some conflicting emotions (and you might
be, too). The best example I ever had of conflicting emotions was when
my grandfather, Rocco, died when I was thirteen.
All my life my mom told me about what a horrible guy my grandfather
was. He was an abusive alcoholic who treated my grandmother horribly,
spent all his money on booze (instead of on helping his daughters), and
squandered his intelligence and gifts.
But then, at Roccos funeral, I watched my mom and her sister bawl
their eyes out up at the lectern.
At the time I was confused as hell. My mom hated her dad, so why was
she crying? But when I got a little older I understood that love and hate
are not opposites. In fact, to truly hate someone or to truly be angry
at someone, you have to care about them a little bit first (and probably
a lot).
Emotions are complicated and in no way logical. Its totally possible
that your ex is holding two (or 3, or 12) seemingly conflicting emotions
towards you all at the same time.
What if you dont know why your ex is reacting the way they are? Maybe
you were completely blindsided by the break up. You thought things
were fine until the hammer fell, and now you just dont have any insight
into your exs mind.
I hear from folks all the time who thought their relationship was perfect (or at least pretty good) when their partner broke the news that
things were over.
If thats the situation you find yourself in, youre going to have to do
something difficult and try to ask folks who know both you and your
ex for information, or sit back and think about how your ex MIGHT be
thinking about you. Use a little creativity. Its actually a great exercise
thats going to serve you well later anyway.
Use the following page to do your emotional brainstorming, and then
congratulate yourself. Were done prepping and loading the cannon.
Its time to aim and fire.
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arent real. (Thats just mean.) You should never have to apologize
for them, and whatever youre feeling is the right thing to feel.
Avoid Nothing texts at all costs.
This is important enough to talk about in more detail. One of the
biggest mistakes you can make whether youre texting your ex, sending a message to a cute girl or guy you just met, or trying to seduce
your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend back into your bed is sending
a nothing text.
Whats a nothing text?
Its a text that doesnt actually SAY anything and doesnt leave any
hooks for positive interaction.
Here are a few examples of nothing texts:
Whats up?
Hey, how you doing?
Hi.
Yo.
Basically, if a text sounds like it was written by a 19-year-old frat boy, it
probably counts as a Nothing text and should be avoided (even if you
ARE a 19-year-old frat boy).
Instead of sending Nothing texts to open up a conversation with your
ex, youre going to use what I call Across The Bow texts and Curiosity
Pivots, which I first developed for my Text Your Wife Into Bed program.
No matter what you send, you should always know what your GOAL of
an interaction with your ex is BEFORE you send it. What SPECIFIC
thing are you trying to accomplish when you hit Send? What response
do you want from your ex? Are you just trying to get ANY response? Are
you looking for a smile or a laugh? Are you trying to open the door to
a particular conversation? (I recommend you save that for once youve
got good rapport going back and forth.)
You wont always get the response you want, but its important that you
have it in mind.
If you dont have a solid answer to that question in mind, take a deep
breath, put your cell phone back in your pocket, and wait for another
day.
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dent, attractive people do NOT freak out. Rest assured that your ex DID
receive your message. And just by reading the message, youve moved
them ever so slightly down the path to reconciliation.
2. You get a neutral response.
A neutral response would be something like Oh, thanks. or Oh,
thanks. How are you?
Your temptation in this case is going to be to POUNCE like a tiger on
this small piece of attention and try to get them to engage in some long,
explosive texting conversation. DO NOT DO IT. GET OFF THE DAMN
BRIDGE.
Instead, your proper response is to answer their neutral response with
something equally neutral, friendly, and innocuous, and then for YOU
to be the one to end the conversation and move on.
For example:
You: I know its been a while, but I started thinking about
you today and it put a smile on my face. Youre a really wonderful person. Hope youre doing really well. =-)
Your Ex: Oh, thanks. Hope youre good as well.
You: Thanks. Going into a movie, but its good to hear your
voice. Later.
Pretty simple, huh? The key here is for YOU to be the one who ends
the conversation. If you keep chatting with your ex until they decide to
end it, youve given up power and lost your chance to build mystery or
attraction. Whoever has the last word is the one who has the power
in these situations.
3. You get an overwhelmingly positive response.
Most likely youll only get this kind of response from your ex if you were
the one to break up with them, or if theyve independently come around
to realizing they made a mistake but havent had the guts to call you.
You should play the overwhelmingly positive response pretty similarly
to the neutral response. You match their enthusiasm to some degree,
and then YOU have to be the one to end the conversation.
So . . .
You: (Same as above.)
Your Ex: Hey, thanks! Its great to hear from you! How have
you been?
You: Really well, actually. =-) Im going into a movie but its
really great to hear from you. More later. =-)
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Like I said, if your ex tries to rope you into a BIG conversation after this
first text YOU should be the one to resist (no matter how hard it is.)
Your goal is to get your ex to decide independently that they want
to see you again, and the best way to pull that off is to make sure
that you dont come off as too needy or eager. You need to be like
Fonzie, and Fonzie was cool. (Yes, I just made a Happy Days reference.)
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Best Of The
Relationship Texts
Remember when I told you to write out all those pleasant memories and
favorite experiences with your ex? Its time to put those into action.
Once youve sent a few messages Across The Bow of your ex, its time
to move on to what I call Best Of The Relationship texts.
Note again that you are NOT actually trying to get your ex back yet.
Instead, youre trying to plant positive thoughts and emotions in your
exs mind so they start thinking about you in a positive way.
And EMOTIONAL LANGUAGE makes those good times feel as real as
possible.
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Example 4: Sex
NOTE: The sex stuff is typically NOT something you should lead with.
Well get into it more in the future.
Charlie: Im at Jack and Janes wedding . . . reminds me of
the time we snuck away to the bathroom at your cousins
wedding . . . I can so vividly see the naughty smile on your
face as I pushed you up onto the counter . . . how you nibbled
your lip and smiled at me . . . how you used your legs to draw
me closer to you until our lips met . . .
Seriously, I could write a novel here. The key with using this kind of text
early on is to keep it light and fun. Later Ill teach you how to actually
seduce your ex with texts, but for now youre just playing.
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drink too much, forget to exercise), and weve got a great opportunity
here.
NOTE 1: I only recommend you use Green Eyed Monster (GEM) texts AFTER youve been going back and forth
with your ex for a bit, and they seem receptive to the idea
of talking to you.
NOTE 2: Youve got to be at least a LITTLE subtle with
this stuff.
By subtle I mean you dont text your ex something like I was totally on
this hot date with three supermodels or anything like that.
The formula for GEM texts is a bit harder to quantify, so let me just give
you some good examples, instead. It basically involves letting your ex
in on the positive aspects of your post-breakup life, while subtly turning the screws in their heart. (Notice how youre combining jealousy
with connection and the reminder that you know them well in a really
interesting way.)
Mean?
Possibly.
Effective?
Definitely. As long as you dont go too overboard.
Example 1:
I just saw (romantic movie) with a friend. You should see it.
I think youd really enjoy it.
Notice that youre not saying I was just on a hot date or anything as
cruel as that. You want your ex to be able to FIGURE OUT that you were
out on a hot date without you ever actually having to come out and SAY
you were.
Example 2:
Hey, did I see you at (fun place) last night? If it was . . . you
look really good. =-)
In this text were establishing that YOU were out at the (bar, club, whatever) last night, having a good time with friends (and not sitting around
watching British sitcoms while drunk).
Plus youre establishing that youre out and looking at and flirting with
other people, and youll get them trying to figure out who the heck it
was that you were looking at that WASNT them.
Depending on your relationship with your ex, its totally possible youll
get a silent or even a slightly negative reaction to this kind of text. Thats
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And since youre texting, you dont have to worry about getting cold
feet, tripping over your words, breaking down crying, or rolling over
into anger or embarrassment.
Texting is PRIVATE, safe, and simple. Its a wonderful thing.
This technique is particularly effective for GUYS, by the way. Since men
are (usually) not as good at being emotionally open as women are (and
since women LOVE IT when a guy actually cracks the armor and opens
up), this one technique alone could be the thing that gets her to ask to
see you.
Compliment Texts
Compliment texts are just what they sound like . . . simple compliments
that you send, more or less randomly, over text.
Theyre simple, are loaded with little emotional weight, and are more
or less the equivalent of flirting at a bar with somebody you just met.
Compliment texts can be physical and basic, with less detail than some
of the Emotional Honesty texts that we will talk about next.
I like to slip in compliments in a matter of fact way during the course
of some other conversation youre having over text.
For example:
(Jim and Melinda broke up two months ago after a big fight over money.
Theyve been chatting over text and its been going well. Jims in the
middle of remembering a vacation they had in Hawaii.)
Jim: And the cabana boy kept checking you out in your
bikini.
Melinda: He did?
Jim: He did. And I did too. Youre a very beautiful woman.
Melinda: =-)
Simple, huh?
Notice the confidence there? Again, no wiggle room. No BS.
Another simple compliment could be:
Stephanie (to Roger): Ive always really loved your hands.
or
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Carl (to Sophia): One thing that has always made me stop
is your eyes. Theyre stunning.
A good compliment is just an aside comment. Dont try to give it a huge
amount of weight or import (like you do with appreciation texts), but
just slip it in as a way to raise your exs self esteem and let them know
that you care.
Got it?
Good.
Appreciation Texts
An Appreciation text is where you flat out tell your ex what you appreciate about them, without any wiggle room, ifs, ands, or buts. Its
your chance to be really honest about what you like about your ex and
why you enjoyed having them in your life in the first place. (Tangentially,
you should use these when youre IN a relationship, as well.)
The formula for a good Appreciation text is pretty simple.
What Ive always liked about you is (What you like about
them).
or
I really appreciate (what you appreciate).
or
I always had a hard time saying this before, but I really
like (what you like)
or
One thing Ive always appreciated about you is . . .
And I usually like to end this kind of text with something like:
Im really thankful that youre in my life.
or
Im really glad youre in my life.
I like this kind of phrasing because its need neutral. It basically says
Yeah, we had our problems, but I wouldnt change anything, and lets
your ex know that theyre still in your life even after everything youve
been through.
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(Yes guys, I know its cheesy. But it works! If you did this kind of thing
when you and your ex were still together, you may not have broken up.)
Here are some examples:
Laura dumped Ken a few months ago and, using the other techniques
in this manual, Ken has gotten Laura to start chatting with him again
over text. Theyve been friendly, talking about their lives. Ken feels like
its finally time to cut the charade and let Laura know how he feels.
Ken: Ive always really appreciated how caring you are and
how loyal you are to your friends. I was just remembering
how you were really there for Jenny when she and Jim got
their divorce. Youre a really special person, Laura, and Im
glad youve been in my life.
See how theres no wiggling in this? Theres no Youre really caring,
BUT . . . kind of stuff?
And how hes not fishing for her to give him any kind of appreciation
back?
The key with a good Appreciation text is to be as specific as possible, to use detail, and to speak with confident language.
Lets try a female example. Kathy cheated on her ex-husband, Jim, in
a moment of weakness, but really wants him back. They have a couple
of kids together.
Kathy: One thing Ive always really liked about you is what
a great Dad you are. Im so thankful that youre the father of
my children. Youre really a wonderful guy.
Do you get the idea?
I know it sounds simple, but its amazing how folks almost NEVER tell
each other what they LIKE about each other. For most people, getting
this kind of text will brighten their whole day.
What do you appreciate about your ex? What simple statement can
you say to your ex to give them that little thrill of being appreciated?
Write it down. Take a deep breath. Send it.
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What I Miss texts are just what they sound like . . . texts where you
let your ex know (with simple, intimate language) what you miss about
your relationship.
The formula for What I miss texts are . . .
What I miss about us is (what you miss)
or
(What youre doing) wish you were here.
Here are some examples:
Jason: What I really miss is the smell of your hair when you
cuddled up under my arm. It was intoxicating.
or
Melanie: Im at the beach right now and I keep thinking
about how I used to enjoy watching you surf. Wish you were
here.
or
Brad: I miss sitting around with you on Sunday mornings
and playing board games. There was nothing like waking up
to the smell of the coffee and knowing youd be in the kitchen
waiting for me.
The key is to bring up sensory-rich experiences and experiences that
your ex would miss, as well. Stuff thats 100% positive for both of you.
And finally, we move on to . . .
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OR
Mary: No matter what, theres always going to be a part of
me thats in love with you. When I think about you I cant
help but smile. I feel this great energy just flow through me
and it makes me happy that youre out there in the world.
DING DING DING.
(If you said John, then I suggest you go back and start re-reading this
whole manual from the beginning.)
A good How I Feel text should be centered, confident, and not at all
needy. It should also be positive and not (obviously) manipulative. In
a lot of ways its similar to a good Appreciation text, but instead of
telling your ex what you like about them, youre laying out on the line
how YOU actually feel about them.
Here are a few starter formulas for you for How I Feel texts:
No matter what (detail about how you feel).
or
Its funny, but (how you feel).
or
Ill always (how you feel).
or
Its hard for me to say this but (how you feel).
or
I never said this enough before but (how you feel).
Here are some examples:
Frank: Its hard for me to say this, but youre always going to
be so important to me. Im always going to love you and miss
you and be glad you were in my life. I cant help but think
about you and when I do, it just adds so much greatness to
my day.
or
Sarah: Its funny, but sometimes I crave you. The smell of
you. Having you nearby. How calm and safe I always felt
around you.
The key, as always, is to be CONFIDENT and SIMPLE in your emotion.
Speak in a clear and even voice without a lot of crying, shouting, or
anything else that can get in the way of what youre actually saying.
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No matter what kind of response you get, take a deep breath. Being
more openly emotional and honest with yourself like this is going to
take some time, but its is going to reap huge rewards either in this
relationship or in relationships in the future.
OK, now that weve dealt with the heart stuff lets get a little . . . well
. . . dirty.
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theres no more effective way than pushing right by the rational mind
and sending messages that appeal to the deep and powerful LIZARD
BRAIN.
I know this sounds weird, but texting is basically The Force (from Star
Wars) when it comes to accessing your partners deepest sexual mind
(or ANYONES deepest sexual mind, actually).
Like I said back at the beginning of this manual, theres something
VERY intimate about texting. Its the closest thing to telepathy that
you can get, and people will often respond to texts in a positive way they
NEVER would if you said the same thing to them face to face.
If you want to get to the REALLY dirty stuff, I recommend you check out
one of my other products, Text Your Wife Into Bed. You can see the
video I put together at www.textyourwifeintobed.com. (Oh, and dont let
the title put you off. That product has been VERY successfully used
by single guys, divorcees, and a LOT of women to add an incredible
amount of OOMPH into their relationships. My favorite is the 20-yearold woman from England who wrote me to say she has blokes wrapped
around [her] finger thanks to your stuff.)
Im not going to go SUPER dirty here, but lets dive into how you can
use sensuality and sexuality in your texts to get your ex turned on and
CRAVING you at the push of a button.
Because men and women really do tend to think of sex differently, Im
going to break this down a little bit. Make sure to read both sections,
though, you might pick up some useful tips.
For Women
Ahh, the sexual mind of a man. Its so . . . straightforward.
If youre a woman, you probably already know that men are pretty easy
to get interested in sex. This is probably why there arent a lot of books
written on the subject of seducing a man (though maybe there should
be.)
Men are such visual creatures that getting them interested is usually
about as hard as showing a little thigh (or ankle . . . or toe) and putting
the right kind of smile on your face.
But remember, in this case your goal isnt just to get your ex turned on,
its to get him turned on, thinking of you, and willing to run through
fire to get to be with you again.
Here are some rules about sexting your ex (Man, I HATE that
word):
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Your goal is to TEASE. You need to make your ex WANT you on a deep
and primal level. You want to remind him that YOU know, more than
anyone else, how to make him feel good. Men like to feel powerful, in
control, and dominant.
But you do NOT want to go all the way with your ex, even virtually,
unless you feel like hes showing legitimate interest in seeing and dating
you again. Men LIKE to chase. It gives us an energy that almost nothing
else in the world can replace. If you give in to your ex too early youll
screw the pooch when it comes to getting what you really want.
If, however, you tease your ex properly, hell almost undoubtedly ask to
see you. Its totally OK to see him in this case, but YOU have to set the
parameters of the meeting.
If your ex asks to be alone with you (Hey, want me to come over so we
can talk?), tell him I dont think that would be a good idea, or We
should really talk first.
Pictures? Men are VISUAL creatures, and for them a picture really does
say a thousand words. Dont send anything too dirty (once a pic goes
out in the world it never comes back), but definitely consider sending
some good teasing pictures to your ex to get him worked up.
For Men
If youre a man trying to seduce your ex girlfriend or wife . . . congratulations,
youre going to thank me years from now for what Im about to teach you.
Theres NOTHING as effective, in my experience, at getting a woman
really turned on as text messaging. Unlike us guys, women are hardwired to respond to stories and language. (Need proof? Go read a
romance novel.) And if you know what youre doing its VERY easy to
give a woman the kind of attention she CRAVES over text message (even
if you werent that good at it in person).
A few key points for guys:
A womans mind is her biggest erogenous zone. I shouldnt really
have to harp on this as much as I do, but the fact is if you can
turn on a womans mind, her body will invariably follow . . . and
LANGUAGE is the best possible way to turn most women on.
You want to start slow and THEN bring out the big guns. If you
try to go all sensual right off the bat it gives her too much of a
chance to back out. Go slow.
Its best to use these techniques when shes at work, out with
friends, or otherwise indisposed. The fact that she cant give you
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From Virtual To
Physical
Using everything Ive taught you so far, you should be able to get your
exs attention, establish a basic emotional and physical connection,
show that youre emotionally mature and interested, and, hopefully, get
your ex to suggest that you get together.
Im not going to go into a huge amount of detail on what to do on
your actual date with your ex here. My friend TW Jacksons product The Magic Of Making Up does a great job of that, and you can find
it at www.textyourexback.com/magic. But I do want to establish some
ground rules and tips for using texting to make the date as successful
as possible.
Your goal is to get your ex to be the one who suggests that you get
together. Its always more powerful and more effective if he or she comes
to the conclusion on their own that they want to see you.
If things are going well over text, but your ex doesnt seem to be willing
to make the first move, use a tag along method of getting to them in
person.
Send a text saying Hey, Im in your neighborhood with friends, come
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or
Carol: Thanks for a lovely night. Sorry if I seemed a little
out of it. Your biceps kept distracting me. Its all I could do
not to pounce on you.
The Favorite Part. This is really just a variation on some of the more
Emotional texts Ive given you so far. In this case you send a text giving
your side of your favorite part of the evening.
For example:
Mark: My favorite part of the night was when you smiled at
me over the top of your glass of wine. I forgot how much I love
your smile. Youre really beautiful.
The key here is DETAIL. Details are whats going to make this stick in
your exs mind.
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DATING YOUR EX
Dating Your Ex
After your first meeting, your goal should be to start dating your ex again
(Or dating them anew. Remember, were creating a new relationship
here.)
Here are some core tips for using texting once youve gotten your
ex back in your life and are dating again.
Keep using the Emotional texts and sexual texts Ive given
you (as well as those youll find in Text Your Wife Into Bed). These
things are GOLD as far as keeping rapport going between you and
your ex and keeping the romance going. Theres nothing like a
good Appreciation text or some dirty narration in the middle of
the day to keep that spark going. Theres a real lack of appreciation
in most relationships these days. Taking a moment to focus on
what you LIKE about your girlfriend or boyfriend (or husband or
wife) will create a powerfully positive context for your relationship.
Plus, once you establish it as normal to be giving compliments
and appreciation to your ex, youll start receiving similar messages
back from them.
Make sure you keep text messages as an intimate channel
with your ex. No slipping up and talking about boring stuff. By
keeping texting sacred youll be able to maintain your intimacy
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DATING YOUR EX
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FINAL THOUGHTS
Final Thoughts
Whew!
And here we are at the end of the Text Your Ex Back program. As
you probably figured out by now, this program is about a lot more than
texting. Its about getting closer to the person you love, accepting them
for who they are (and inviting them to accept you for who you are),
and laying the groundwork and foundation for a stronger and better
relationship.
Depending on how you worked the program and what your relationship
with your ex was like before you started, you have one of three possible
outcomes.
Youre dating your ex again. Congratulations! Have fun and
KEEP DATING. Dont let yourself fall into a rut of codependence like
so many couples do. For tips on how to keep that spark going for
the foreseeable future, check out http://www.texttheromanceback.
com.
Youre friendly with your ex, but not dating. Honestly, theres
nothing wrong with this at all. If you still have your ex in your life
and you both see each other as positive parts of your lives, thats
a good thing. And as long as the lines of communication are open,
that gives you the chance to have more in the future.
You didnt get what you wanted. Honestly? It happens. Ive seen
all of the techniques and ideas in this guide work again and again,
but every relationship is different. Its possible that you and your
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FINAL THOUGHTS
ex simply werent meant for each other, or that too much damage
was done in your relationship for repair to be possible.
If thats the case, take a deep breath and realize that the pain youre
feeling will pass. And that everything youve learned in this guide is
going to help you create the relationship you want and deserve in the
future.
In fact, I recommend that you mine this guide for stuff you can use
while youre dating. Youll be astounded by the results you get at the
push of a button.
Thank you so much for going on this journey with me. Id love to hear
from you. If you have questions, comments, success stories, or anything
else youd like to share, just send an email to feedback@textyourexback.com.
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