1

00:00:00,417 --> 00:00:01,793

Now, Robot, kick 'em
in the knees.

2
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,212
Bears have weak knees.

3
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:06,048
And you should vibrate, 'cause
the robot's full of radiation.

4
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:06,632
Yeah, that's it.

5
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:07,549
Frank.

6
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,510
How many bears did I say
you could have?

7
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,219
One.

8
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,388
And how many do you see here?

9
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,224
Um, four?

10
00:00:15,398 --> 00:00:17,100
Save a little money
for the rest of us, Frank.

11
00:00:17,260 --> 00:00:19,065
You can't spend a bunch
of money on bear suits

12
00:00:19,225 --> 00:00:22,239
that are only gonna be seen
for, like, 25 seconds.

13
00:00:22,398 --> 00:00:24,238
Liz, nobody's gonna believe
that a killer robot
14
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,982
can get his ass kicked
by one bear.

15
00:00:26,158 --> 00:00:27,022
It doesn't make any sense.

16
00:00:27,198 --> 00:00:30,193
You're trying to bring logic
to the robot-bear sketch?

17
00:00:30,365 --> 00:00:32,320
You can't have four bears.

18
00:00:32,497 --> 00:00:33,903
Well, how many can I keep?

19
00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:36,320
One!

20
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,493
Sorry, guys.

21
00:00:39,668 --> 00:00:41,122
Uh, who did my Sudoku puzzle?

22
00:00:41,296 --> 00:00:44,460
I have been looking forward
to this puzzle all morning.

23
00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:45,710
Hey, Liz, could you
come up to my office

24
00:00:45,877 --> 00:00:46,711
when you have a free moment?

25
00:00:46,885 --> 00:00:48,093
I never have a free moment,
Jack.

26
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:50,960
Never, ever.

27
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:54,840
Really punch him.
Like karate.

28
00:00:55,016 --> 00:00:58,302
Are you familiar with
the Japanese art of Reiki?

29
00:00:58,478 --> 00:00:59,930
No.

30
00:01:00,108 --> 00:01:04,020
It is the laying-on of hands
in order to improve one's life.

31
00:01:04,187 --> 00:01:05,143
Hm, how does your life improve?

32
00:01:05,318 --> 00:01:07,650
Do the hands
have money in them?

33
00:01:07,815 --> 00:01:09,570
Human contact
is important, Lemon.

34
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:10,901
I can tell
from your stress level

35
00:01:11,077 --> 00:01:13,360
that you have not been touched
in any way in quite some time.

36
00:01:13,535 --> 00:01:15,323
Not caress??
Not massaged.

37
00:01:15,498 --> 00:01:16,703
Not even groped
on the subway.

38
00:01:16,865 --> 00:01:18,163
Where are you headed
with this?

39
00:01:18,325 --> 00:01:20,033
Your mood affects
the quality of your work,

40
00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:21,122
which, in turn,
affects me.

41
00:01:21,295 --> 00:01:23,203
I would like to become
a resource to you

42
00:01:23,378 --> 00:01:25,333
for improving
your personal life.

43
00:01:25,505 --> 00:01:27,751
Do you agree that you need
someone in your life, Lemon?

44
00:01:27,928 --> 00:01:30,961
No, I have bigger things
to worry about than my personal life.

45
00:01:31,135 --> 00:01:32,801
I would think that a single
woman's biggest worry

46
00:01:32,966 --> 00:01:35,881
would be choking to death
alone in her apartment.

47
00:01:36,056 --> 00:01:38,300
I have a friend in town
I'd like to set you up with.

48
00:01:38,476 --> 00:01:39,603
No, thank you.

49
00:01:39,768 --> 00:01:41,762
Thomas is very bright,
has a wonderful sense of humor.

50
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:42,513
I think it's a good match.

51
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:43,561
Are you free on Thursday?
52
00:01:43,726 --> 00:01:45,480
No, Thursday is poker night.

53
00:01:45,646 --> 00:01:48,481
And by the way,
it is completely inappropriate

54
00:01:48,656 --> 00:01:50,770
for you to be questioning me
about my private life,

55
00:01:50,948 --> 00:01:52,443
and then trying to set me up
with someone

56
00:01:52,615 --> 00:01:56,151
when you don't even know
anything about me.

57
00:01:56,328 --> 00:01:57,862
Poker night?
Who plays?

58
00:01:58,038 --> 00:01:58,450
Really?

59
00:01:58,615 --> 00:02:00,241
That's all you got out of that?

60
00:02:00,416 --> 00:02:01,490
I enjoy poker,
and I'd be interested

61
00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:04,450
in seeing my new employees
under that kind of pressure.

62
00:02:04,626 --> 00:02:06,710
You're not gonna come to our
crappy poker game, are you?

63
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:07,710
No, I'm not.

64
00:02:07,876 --> 00:02:08,330
Good.
65
00:02:08,508 --> 00:02:12,171
I bluffed.
Yes, I am coming.

66
00:02:14,007 --> 00:02:16,720
Three can't go here.
Three can't go here.

67
00:02:16,885 --> 00:02:19,803
It can go here.

68
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:51,962
Fine, I'll meet your friend.

69
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,773
So who is this
Thomas guy?

70
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,281
Oh, I don't know.
He's one of Jack's friends.

71
00:03:18,447 --> 00:03:21,032
Oh, my God, isn't Jack
friends with Tom DeLay?

72
00:03:21,205 --> 00:03:23,913
Am I going on a date
with Tom DeLay?

73
00:03:24,076 --> 00:03:26,580
Ugh, why did I say
I would do this?

74
00:03:26,745 --> 00:03:28,790
I haven't been on a date
since Dennis and I broke up,

75
00:03:28,955 --> 00:03:30,753
and that was almost
a year ago.

76
00:03:30,918 --> 00:03:32,253
It's gonna be a complete disaster.

77
00:03:32,427 --> 00:03:33,831
It's just one date.

78
00:03:34,007 --> 00:03:36,672
But if it is Tom DeLay
and you do go home with him,

79
00:03:36,846 --> 00:03:39,632
be prepared for it
to get weird.

80
00:03:39,805 --> 00:03:42,011
Josh, you and me.
Thursday night.

81
00:03:42,185 --> 00:03:44,512
I know this guy that runs
an underground bird fight.

82
00:03:44,688 --> 00:03:47,602
Oh, yeah.
I can't do that.

83
00:03:47,768 --> 00:03:49,102
Thursday's poker night here.

84
00:03:49,278 --> 00:03:52,352
Guys, we just need to try
the green screen stuff one more time.

85
00:03:52,528 --> 00:03:54,980
Poker night?
I love poker.

86
00:03:55,158 --> 00:03:57,690
I used to play all kinds
of poker with my aunt.

87
00:03:57,868 --> 00:04:00,992
Crazy Seven.
Albuquerque Freakout.

88
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,612
One Card Stud.

89
00:04:02,786 --> 00:04:05,071
Yeah, I don't think
those are real games.

90
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,161
Whatever.

91
00:04:06,338 --> 00:04:09,661
Get ready to get took.

92
00:04:10,205 --> 00:04:13,923
No, Mom, I can't make it Friday.
I gotta work.

93
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,083
Hey, Frank?

94
00:04:15,257 --> 00:04:16,131
Hold on.
Yeah.

95
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,711
What do guys like?

96
00:04:17,887 --> 00:04:19,303
Uh, porn.

97
00:04:19,465 --> 00:04:22,591
No, I mean, if you were gonna
go on a date with a woman,

98
00:04:22,766 --> 00:04:24,262
how would you want her
to act?

99
00:04:24,435 --> 00:04:27,803
Like she was in a porn.

100
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,020
Hey, Lemon.

101
00:04:32,187 --> 00:04:35,521
You're on for 8:00
for dinner at Caf� des Artistes.

102
00:04:35,697 --> 00:04:38,771
Really?
Wow. What?
103
00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:41,400
What are you
gonna wear?

104
00:04:41,576 --> 00:04:43,570
This, probably.
I don't have time to go home.

105
00:04:43,746 --> 00:04:46,033
No, that won't do.

106
00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:48,240
I want you to go out
on your lunch hour,

107
00:04:48,416 --> 00:04:51,042
and find something.

108
00:04:51,305 --> 00:04:54,871
At a women's clothing store.

109
00:04:58,348 --> 00:04:59,130
Remind me what's better.

110
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:03,763
A pair of black Aces
or a pair of red Aces?

111
00:05:03,926 --> 00:05:07,260
You guys,
I'm leaving.

112
00:05:07,647 --> 00:05:08,930
All right.
All right.

113
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,310
Check out the valley.
Look at that.

114
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,520
Hey, look at you!

115
00:05:12,685 --> 00:05:16,651
You look like
a fancy prostitute.

116
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,520
Okay, I got my chair.
I got my beer.

117
00:05:20,698 --> 00:05:22,193
I got my lucky donut.

118
00:05:22,366 --> 00:05:23,190
Oh, is there room
for one more?

119
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,901
Yeah, sure.
Really?

120
00:05:25,078 --> 00:05:26,202
That's fantastic.

121
00:05:26,366 --> 00:05:29,990
Could we just, uh--
Yes, yes, yes.

122
00:05:30,165 --> 00:05:31,541
Donaghy, what up?

123
00:05:31,705 --> 00:05:32,541
What up, Tray?

124
00:05:32,705 --> 00:05:35,292
This round, Texas Doozy.
Face cards are wild.

125
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,671
Threes are jinx.
Fives are twos.

126
00:05:37,835 --> 00:05:38,960
Tray, do you mind if I deal
this hand?

127
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:40,790
Be my guest.
Show me love.

128
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:43,302
Ladies and gentlemen, the
minimum bet in this game is $25.

129
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:45,263
Oh, Jack, we usually just play
for quarters.

130
00:05:45,426 --> 00:05:47,972
Well, then you best go home and
put on your daddy's shoes, boy.

131
00:05:48,145 --> 00:05:51,811
'Cause this is a man's game.

132
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:29,510
I call.

133
00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:35,813
And I'll see that with...
This thing.

134
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:43,652
I call.

135
00:06:43,826 --> 00:06:44,532
Pair of Jacks.

136
00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:46,033
Ace high.

137
00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:48,741
Three cowboys.

138
00:06:48,906 --> 00:06:51,161
Oh, my God.
My wedding ring.

139
00:06:51,325 --> 00:06:54,541
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

140
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:57,200
Now, you should all learn
from Pete's mistake.

141
00:06:57,377 --> 00:06:58,251
My wife's gonna kill me!

142
00:06:58,416 --> 00:07:00,210
You see, in poker
as in business,

143
00:07:00,377 --> 00:07:01,670
the key to success
is to determine

144
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:05,385
your opponent's strength and,
more importantly, his weaknesses.

145
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:08,269
Everyone has a tell--
a weakness of character

146
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,188
that manifests itself
physically.

147
00:07:10,349 --> 00:07:11,092
Oh.

148
00:07:11,266 --> 00:07:15,812
Like when Lutz here has
a good hand, he stops eating.

149
00:07:15,976 --> 00:07:19,392
When Frank is bluffing, he asks
a series of insane questions to hide his nervousness.

150
00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:19,942
Oh, really?

151
00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:21,441
Is that what you think?
Is that what I do?

152
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,191
Am I doing that right now?
Yeah, I'm out.

153
00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:26,942
Okay, Rainman,
tell me what I got.

154
00:07:27,118 --> 00:07:31,412
Well, you have two of your
cards backwards actually.

155
00:07:31,578 --> 00:07:34,030
I'm out.

156
00:07:34,207 --> 00:07:37,703
Hi.
Pinot grigio, please.

157
00:07:44,716 --> 00:07:48,552
This is beyond the pale.
Donaghy took me for $200.

158
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,091
Yeah, well I bet
my rent money.

159
00:07:50,265 --> 00:07:53,091
And if I don't pay by the tenth,
my mom's gonna throw me out.

160
00:07:53,266 --> 00:07:54,641
I'm all in.
Anybody else?

161
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,970
Oh, I'll play with you,
Mr. Donaghy.

162
00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:00,893
Kenneth, how long you been
sitting there?

163
00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:03,563
I'm taking Pete's place, 'cause
he's busy in the bathroom,

164
00:08:03,738 --> 00:08:07,112
laying in his own sick.

165
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:12,402
Oh, my God.
166
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,990
He can't read Kenneth.
He's a blank slate.

167
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,793
Okay, what do you got?

168
00:08:18,955 --> 00:08:22,831
I think I have what they refer
to as a royal flush.

169
00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:26,791
Looks like
I'm the big winner.

170
00:08:34,227 --> 00:08:36,801
Thank you.

171
00:08:38,515 --> 00:08:40,773
Liz, hi.

172
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:44,232
I'm Gretchen Thomas.
Jack's friend.

173
00:08:44,396 --> 00:08:47,772
Hey.
Great to meet you.

174
00:08:47,988 --> 00:08:50,150
Hi.

175
00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:54,153
Why would Jack just assume
that we're lesbians?

176
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,611
I am a lesbian.

177
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,912
Mm, that's awesome.

178
00:08:58,085 --> 00:09:02,203
Is this the first time somebody's made that
assumption about you?
179
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:07,381
Lemon, don't let these girls
give you a hard time about who you are.

180
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:11,382
You know, you need to brush
your teeth more, young man.

181
00:09:11,556 --> 00:09:15,800
Oh, my.
What an adorable little lesbian.

182
00:09:15,975 --> 00:09:17,511
What?
I don't know.

183
00:09:17,685 --> 00:09:19,302
Who remembers
that kind of thing?

184
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:22,562
Well, look, obviously
this is a miscommunication.

185
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,313
I mean, I'm certainly not
interested in chasing a straight girl.

186
00:09:25,488 --> 00:09:26,023
Of course, yeah.

187
00:09:26,196 --> 00:09:28,230
I completely understand
if you just want to go home.

188
00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:30,233
No, it's fine.
I'll stay.

189
00:09:30,406 --> 00:09:31,651
Jack is ridiculous.

190
00:09:31,826 --> 00:09:33,652
Oh, I worked with Jack in Plastics.

191
00:09:33,826 --> 00:09:35,950
He tends to approach
everything the same way.

192
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,991
Locate the problem.
Isolate the problem.

193
00:09:38,165 --> 00:09:40,413
Set the problem up
with a lesbian.

194
00:09:40,587 --> 00:09:42,241
That's a pretty good joke
for somebody from Plastics.

195
00:09:42,418 --> 00:09:44,410
Well, I wasn't always in Plastics.

196
00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:46,503
I used to work in Water
and Process Technologies.

197
00:09:46,676 --> 00:09:48,043
Working mainly in primary metals.

198
00:09:48,216 --> 00:09:52,381
Oh, so you have
a comedy background.

199
00:09:58,397 --> 00:09:59,511
How was your evening with Thomas?

200
00:09:59,685 --> 00:10:04,271
You mean, Gretchen Thomas?
The brilliant plastics engineer/lesbian?

201
00:10:04,436 --> 00:10:06,690
What made you think I was gay?

202
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:08,440
Your shoes.

203
00:10:08,606 --> 00:10:09,561
Well, I'm straight.

204
00:10:09,737 --> 00:10:11,570
Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

205
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:16,200
Regardless, I am straight.
100% completely straight.

206
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,572
Well, I'm sorry
if I offended you.

207
00:10:17,746 --> 00:10:18,781
No, I'm not offended--

208
00:10:18,956 --> 00:10:19,822
Good.

209
00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:22,123
What do you know
about Kenneth the page?

210
00:10:22,285 --> 00:10:23,331
I don't know.
He's a sweet kid.

211
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:23,741
Yes.

212
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:25,752
And a surprisingly good
poker player.

213
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,251
Did you know that
his middle name is Ellen?

214
00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:27,831
No, that's weird.

215
00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:30,832
And that his Myers-Briggs-psychological testing shows
shows a rare combination

216
00:10:31,008 --> 00:10:32,880
of extroverted, intuitive
and aggressive?

217
00:10:33,057 --> 00:10:33,500
Really?

218
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:34,171
The same as mine.

219
00:10:34,345 --> 00:10:35,671
He could be trouble
down the line.

220
00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:37,173
Kenneth.

221
00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:38,220
Kenneth Ellen.

222
00:10:38,385 --> 00:10:39,433
All right then.

223
00:10:39,596 --> 00:10:40,932
You're not a lesbian.
Duly noted.

224
00:10:41,096 --> 00:10:43,060
I'll correct that on your file.

225
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:45,561
It's too bad, though.
Thomas thought
you were great.

226
00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:46,893
- She did?
- Yes.

227
00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:49,143
She said she thought you looked
like Jennifer Jason Leigh.

228
00:10:49,318 --> 00:10:50,400
Really?
She said that?

229
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:56,031
Yes, I made her repeat it.
I was sure she meant Jason Lee.
230
00:11:03,587 --> 00:11:04,163
Miss Lemon.

231
00:11:04,335 --> 00:11:04,873
Yeah.

232
00:11:05,047 --> 00:11:06,503
This is Pete's wedding ring.

233
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,663
I won it last night, but I don't
think I should keep it.

234
00:11:08,838 --> 00:11:09,830
Could you give it back
to him for me?

235
00:11:10,006 --> 00:11:11,963
Yeah, okay.

236
00:11:12,136 --> 00:11:13,000
Did you win this, too?

237
00:11:13,178 --> 00:11:14,342
I did.

238
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,512
I love how the light
catches it like diamonds.

239
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:19,383
Kenneth, it is diamonds.

240
00:11:19,558 --> 00:11:21,723
Ah.

241
00:11:22,096 --> 00:11:23,680
Hi, Mr. Donaghy.

242
00:11:23,855 --> 00:11:25,352
Can I help you
with something?

243
00:11:25,516 --> 00:11:29,560
You are a puzzle...
Kenneth Ellen.

244
00:11:30,277 --> 00:11:34,571
And I'm going to solve you.
Yes, I am.

245
00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:39,950
I can't believe you bet
your wedding ring.

246
00:11:40,118 --> 00:11:40,652
I know.

247
00:11:40,828 --> 00:11:43,533
The weird thing is
I had money left.

248
00:11:43,707 --> 00:11:46,331
Hey, um, what famous person
would you say I look like?

249
00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:47,742
Uh, present day
Linda Ronstadt.

250
00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:49,162
No, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

251
00:11:49,335 --> 00:11:50,371
Tootsie.

252
00:11:50,547 --> 00:11:51,463
Never mind.

253
00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:52,753
So how was your date?

254
00:11:52,927 --> 00:11:54,133
It wasn't a good match.

255
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:54,712
What happened?

256
00:11:54,887 --> 00:11:56,301
- Did he notice your facial tic?
- No.
257
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,092
Did you wear sandals?

258
00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,881
- Did he see your toes?
- No.

259
00:12:00,056 --> 00:12:01,262
You blew it, didn't you?

260
00:12:01,435 --> 00:12:02,013
Good job, Liz.

261
00:12:02,185 --> 00:12:03,141
Way to go.

262
00:12:03,308 --> 00:12:04,340
Another one bites the dust.

263
00:12:04,606 --> 00:12:06,140
Ah, look at
your little face.

264
00:12:06,316 --> 00:12:09,143
It was a lady.

265
00:12:12,488 --> 00:12:15,440
Are you serious?

266
00:12:19,786 --> 00:12:22,782
Where is my Emmy?

267
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:44,223
Hello?

268
00:12:44,385 --> 00:12:46,300
Hi, Gretchen.
It's Liz Lemon.

269
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:48,431
Oh, hi.

270
00:12:48,606 --> 00:12:51,680
Look, thiss gonna sound
really weird, but, um,

271
00:12:51,857 --> 00:12:53,850
do you every worry about
choking to death

272
00:12:54,028 --> 00:12:55,440
alone in your apartment?

273
00:12:55,606 --> 00:12:57,862
Oh, it's so weird
you would say that.

274
00:12:58,026 --> 00:12:59,532
I think about it
all the time.

275
00:12:59,698 --> 00:13:01,402
I mean, you'd die,
and they wouldn't find you

276
00:13:01,578 --> 00:13:04,150
until your neighbor's dog
smelled you from the hallway.

277
00:13:04,328 --> 00:13:07,120
Ugh, yes, and they'd show
a picture of you on New York One.

278
00:13:07,285 --> 00:13:08,121
And it's not just choking.

279
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,702
Ever since I turned 30,
every time I get in or out

280
00:13:10,878 --> 00:13:13,872
of the bathtub,
I think in my head, "Careful, careful."

281
00:13:14,045 --> 00:13:14,713
Yes!

282
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:15,711
Agh.

283
00:13:15,876 --> 00:13:18,632
Everything's the worst.

284
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,962
Do you want to get some dinner?

285
00:13:20,135 --> 00:13:20,803
Sure.

286
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:21,920
See you in 20 at Neptune.

287
00:13:22,097 --> 00:13:23,421
Yeah, okay.
Perfect, yeah.

288
00:13:23,596 --> 00:13:26,512
Oh!
Ow, ow, ow!

289
00:13:29,186 --> 00:13:32,022
I did not die.

290
00:13:38,987 --> 00:13:42,031
Man, this is amazing.
Oh, hey, Jack.

291
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,902
Welcome.
Welcome, everybody.

292
00:13:44,077 --> 00:13:46,532
Damn, Jack, you went all out.
That's a giant shrimp.

293
00:13:46,707 --> 00:13:49,410
Made out of shrimp and diving
into a bowl of shrimp.

294
00:13:49,585 --> 00:13:51,700
Please, enjoy it, Tracy.
Hey, Pete, good to see you.

295
00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:52,242
Jack.

296
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,411
Is Kenneth here?

297
00:13:54,588 --> 00:13:57,540
I--I will check.

298
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,210
I've been playing
for two hours.

299
00:14:01,385 --> 00:14:03,462
I'm tired of losing.

300
00:14:03,638 --> 00:14:06,842
I'm gonna let my boy, Dotcom,
play a hand for me.

301
00:14:07,015 --> 00:14:12,561
So, hey, Dotcom, are we going
to those three clubs tonight?

302
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:16,232
You know the doctor said
I have four hearts in my body?

303
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,351
All right.
Great.

304
00:14:17,526 --> 00:14:21,612
Of course he did.
Come on. Damn it.

305
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,482
Hey, everybody,
this is Gretchen.

306
00:14:24,658 --> 00:14:25,821
Oh, hey.

307
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,740
Oh, Thomas.

308
00:14:27,918 --> 00:14:28,450
Jack.

309
00:14:28,615 --> 00:14:29,660
How's everybody up there
in Pittsfield?

310
00:14:29,826 --> 00:14:31,700
Oh, we miss you.

311
00:14:31,878 --> 00:14:34,952
I love this woman.

312
00:14:39,636 --> 00:14:42,963
Let's play some poker.

313
00:14:47,677 --> 00:14:49,511
I call.

314
00:14:49,687 --> 00:14:51,603
What have you got, Kenneth?

315
00:14:51,768 --> 00:14:52,602
All clovers.

316
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,142
I win.

317
00:14:55,608 --> 00:14:57,142
Very clever boy,
Kenneth.

318
00:14:57,315 --> 00:15:03,191
But the curtain has been drawn back now,
and I know the real you.

319
00:15:03,446 --> 00:15:08,070
I think he's confusing me
with someone else.

320
00:15:09,156 --> 00:15:10,741
Liz, are you sure
you're not gay?

321
00:15:10,917 --> 00:15:12,201
'Cause that chick is hot.

322
00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:15,242
We're just friends,
like Oprah and Gayle.

323
00:15:15,418 --> 00:15:20,120
Why is that so hard
for everybody to believe?

324
00:15:23,046 --> 00:15:26,050
She's great.
You should marry that girl.

325
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,422
One problem.
I'm not gay.

326
00:15:28,598 --> 00:15:31,262
Oh, Lemon, in the ten years
that I've known you,

327
00:15:31,438 --> 00:15:33,510
you've had some really
terrible boyfriends.

328
00:15:33,688 --> 00:15:34,182
I have.

329
00:15:34,358 --> 00:15:35,892
There was the guy who was obsessed
with Charlie Chaplin.

330
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:36,273
Neil.

331
00:15:36,438 --> 00:15:38,390
There was the guy
who played Halo under the name Slutbanger.

332
00:15:38,566 --> 00:15:38,772
Dennis.

333
00:15:38,936 --> 00:15:40,442
There was a tall,
gangly, red-haired guy

334
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,602
who played guitar
all the time.
335
00:15:41,776 --> 00:15:42,902
Conan.

336
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:45,903
You're more relaxed with Gretchen
than you were with any of those guys.

337
00:15:46,076 --> 00:15:46,690
So what are you
saying, Pete?

338
00:15:46,868 --> 00:15:48,070
I should just
be a lesbian?

339
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,240
Well, I'm not saying it'll be easy.

340
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,612
You know, get drunk first.

341
00:15:51,787 --> 00:15:54,492
Why do guys think women can
just flip a switch like that?

342
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:56,913
What if I said to you,
"Go be with Frank now"?

343
00:15:57,088 --> 00:15:58,373
Ah, I would be honored.

344
00:15:58,547 --> 00:16:02,831
Frank is a very tender,
beautiful man.

345
00:16:12,435 --> 00:16:13,300
He's awesome.

346
00:16:13,475 --> 00:16:18,600
You can't read his thoughts,
'cause he doesn't have any.

347
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,982
I raise you 200.
348
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:25,362
And I see your 200
and raise you 300.

349
00:16:28,485 --> 00:16:33,860
Will you, little Kenneth Ellen Parcell
from Stone Mountain, Georgia?

350
00:16:34,037 --> 00:16:37,781
Growing up in your momma's tract house,
dreaming of working on a TV show?

351
00:16:37,957 --> 00:16:42,662
Dreaming of making it
all the way to the NBC.

352
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,422
You're scaring me,
Mr. Donaghy.

353
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,672
You've come a long way,
haven't you, Kenneth Ellen?

354
00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:49,510
With your cheap loafers
and your page jacket,

355
00:16:49,677 --> 00:16:51,761
but you'll always be
a pig farmer's son, boy.

356
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:56,432
'Cause I smell fried bologna
all over you.

357
00:16:58,396 --> 00:17:00,932
I'm all in.

358
00:17:01,105 --> 00:17:03,193
I'm out of chips,
Mr. Donaghy.

359
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,652
Hey, I got a fun idea.

360
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,562
You put your page jacket
on the table,

361
00:17:06,737 --> 00:17:08,320
and if you win,
you can get it back.

362
00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:12,150
If you lose,
you go on home.

363
00:17:12,495 --> 00:17:15,163
You go on home,
little Kenneth Ellen.

364
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,242
All the way
to Stone Mountain.

365
00:17:17,415 --> 00:17:18,201
He's bluffing.
Go for it.

366
00:17:18,378 --> 00:17:20,121
He's bluffing.
Come on, trust yourself.

367
00:17:20,297 --> 00:17:23,121
Trust yourself.
Don't do it.

368
00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:24,042
No!

369
00:17:24,218 --> 00:17:26,000
You can do it.

370
00:17:26,176 --> 00:17:26,632
Okay, okay.

371
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:26,960
Come on.

372
00:17:27,137 --> 00:17:27,793
Use your instincts.
373
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:29,041
You've got good instincts.

374
00:17:29,218 --> 00:17:31,800
Do it, Kenneth.

375
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,472
I've got a pair
of twos.

376
00:17:34,635 --> 00:17:37,303
Well, let's just
see-weeby here.

377
00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:42,473
I've got a two, a four,
a nine, a six, and a King.

378
00:17:48,698 --> 00:17:51,690
That means I win.

379
00:18:01,127 --> 00:18:02,040
Kenneth.

380
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,791
Why did you bet
that terrible hand?

381
00:18:04,965 --> 00:18:05,663
Why?

382
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:09,753
Because...I believe
that life is for the living.

383
00:18:09,928 --> 00:18:12,960
I believe in taking risks
and biting off more than you can chew.

384
00:18:13,138 --> 00:18:14,263
And also,
people were yelling,

385
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:18,512
and I got confused
about the rules.
386
00:18:19,096 --> 00:18:21,563
Kenneth.

387
00:18:22,858 --> 00:18:24,143
I wasn't really
going to fire you.

388
00:18:24,317 --> 00:18:27,061
I just wanted to remind you
that I could.

389
00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:30,020
I want you back here
at 6:00 in the morning sharp

390
00:18:30,198 --> 00:18:32,232
so you can sweep up
these shrimp tails.

391
00:18:32,408 --> 00:18:34,690
Yes, sir, Mr. Donaghy.

392
00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:36,900
Uh, I'm gonna have my eye
on you, Kenneth.

393
00:18:37,106 --> 00:18:41,121
You will not be
disappointed, sir.

394
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,830
Well, it was nice of you
to let him keep his job.

395
00:18:47,005 --> 00:18:49,003
The Italians
have a saying, Lemon.

396
00:18:49,177 --> 00:18:50,920
"Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer."

397
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:52,501
And although they've
never won a war,
398
00:18:52,677 --> 00:18:57,260
or mass-produced a decent car,
in this area, they are correct.

399
00:18:57,426 --> 00:19:01,932
In five years, we'll all
either be working for him...

400
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:05,473
or be dead by his hand.

401
00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:12,313
Hey, after Ikea tomorrow,
you wanna go see Margaret Cho at the Beacon?

402
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,613
Oh, boy.
Um, Oprah?

403
00:19:14,785 --> 00:19:15,531
Yes, Gayle.

404
00:19:15,695 --> 00:19:17,401
I think we need
to take a break.

405
00:19:17,578 --> 00:19:19,741
Is this because I waused to
submit us for The Amazing Race?

406
00:19:19,915 --> 00:19:21,780
Because I was 80% joking
about that.

407
00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:23,453
No, it's--

408
00:19:23,626 --> 00:19:26,252
You know, I said I'm not
into chasing straight girls.

409
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,792
And I kinda think that's
what's starting to happen here.

410
00:19:29,967 --> 00:19:32,501
So... unless you're ready to make
a big life change,

411
00:19:32,675 --> 00:19:35,711
I need to move on,
find my Steadman.

412
00:19:35,887 --> 00:19:37,923
I thought I was Oprah
in this metaphor.

413
00:19:38,095 --> 00:19:39,881
Also, you're gay,
so that's a little confusing.

414
00:19:40,057 --> 00:19:41,801
You should say, like,
"My lady Steadman."

415
00:19:41,976 --> 00:19:42,302
Okay.

416
00:19:42,478 --> 00:19:43,762
I'm going out
on a limb here.

417
00:19:43,937 --> 00:19:44,601
Okay, sorry.

418
00:19:44,765 --> 00:19:46,681
Um, it's just--

419
00:19:46,856 --> 00:19:49,313
If I try to imagine
us being together,

420
00:19:49,485 --> 00:19:52,271
I think, "Yeah, okay,
this could be fun, you know?

421
00:19:52,447 --> 00:19:57,031
"Picking out furniture and making flower beds
out of old railroad ties."

422
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,112
But the thing is,
if I'm gonna be with someone,
423
00:20:01,288 --> 00:20:03,282
it has to be a guy.

424
00:20:03,457 --> 00:20:05,083
You sound pretty sure about that.

425
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,083
What can I say?

426
00:20:06,245 --> 00:20:08,663
I love a bald spot
and a hairy back.

427
00:20:08,835 --> 00:20:11,171
You're alone there.

428
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,880
I should go.

429
00:20:13,048 --> 00:20:14,591
I'll see you around.

430
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:15,672
Okay, wait.

431
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:16,960
Um, what if we made a pact?

432
00:20:17,136 --> 00:20:19,090
What if we say
that in, like, 25 years,

433
00:20:19,267 --> 00:20:20,761
if neither of us has someone,

434
00:20:20,926 --> 00:20:23,010
we'll move in together
and be roommates.

435
00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:26,723
And even though
I am not into the sex stuff,

436
00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:32,062
if it helps you... I would let you...
do stuff to me.

437
00:20:33,235 --> 00:20:34,732
I can't be around
you anymore.

438
00:20:34,906 --> 00:20:37,150
Bye, Liz.

439
00:20:37,325 --> 00:20:40,443
That's funny.
That's what the guys always say.

440
00:20:40,617 --> 00:20:43,163
Who's gonna go with me
to cooking class next weekend?

441
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,413
Well, if by "cooking class"
you mean your bed,

442
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:46,993
and by "next weekend"
you mean tonight--

443
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,752
Oh, shut up.

444
00:20:50,915 --> 00:20:53,253
I can see your wedding ring.

445
00:20:53,425 --> 00:20:55,790
Idiot.

446
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,463
Subs by Raceman and Traff
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00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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