Professional Documents
Culture Documents
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00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,126
I have some very big news, ma'am.
3
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,225
POTUS isn't going to run again in two years.
4
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:26,167
I'm gonna run.
I'm gonna run for president!
5
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,137
Together we are going to make history.
6
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,197
- My brain is at your service, ma'am.
-We'll see.
7
00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:32,470
- Can we make it public?
-No, no, no, no.
8
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,035
We got to wait for POTUS
to make a statement.
9
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,637
- Okay.
-West Wing.
10
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,549
SELINA: Well, you are so kind to say so.
I appreciate it. Yeah.
11
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,715
- WOMAN: Oh, thank you.
-Thanks for coming today.
12
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,485
Nice to see you. Thank you so much.
13
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,221
Come forward. Yeah.
14
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:51,159
- Is this one a caucus-goer?
-Could be.
15
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,165
Is that a Star Wars reference,
"A New Beginning"?
16
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:58,533
No, this is actually <i>Some New Beginnings:
Our Next American Journey.</i>
17
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,401
Too late to change it?
18
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,235
It is. Yeah.
19
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:04,434
- SELINA: Hello.
-This one's caucus.
20
00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:06,340
- Oh, that's too loud. Can't say it that loud.
-Okay.
21
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,902
I think you're gonna dig it.
22
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,275
Let's raise minimum wage.
23
00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:11,042
Blind people are people too.
24
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,378
A very enjoyable read...
25
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:13,611
It's complex...
26
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:14,879
I'm exhausted!
27
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,580
The journey is endless, you know?
28
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,850
Global issue...
29
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,550
I call it <i>Some New Beginnings</i>
30
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,457
because it's plural.
31
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:25,530
God bless you, et cetera.
32
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:28,188
AMY: It's really nice, Gary.
33
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,928
Looks lovely. Looks great.
34
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,765
I can't believe Selina chose not to be here.
35
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:34,634
I told Sue to put "wedding" in her calendar
36
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,435
in bold cap letters.
37
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,100
I mean, we took type size to a limit.
38
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:41,577
If she could have been here,
which she could have, she would have.
39
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,615
But she's in Iowa for the book tour,
40
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,445
fluffing caucus-goers
for the presidential run.
41
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,780
I would hate to be that local Iowa guy
that's gotta take care of her,
42
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:50,616
trying to source gazpacho
in a city that thinks soup is for fags.
43
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,213
MIKE: Nice day for a Mike wedding!
44
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,757
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
45
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:57,292
Man, you guys should all marry Wendy.
I feel amazing.
46
00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,126
You might even see me cry today,
and for once it's not about work.
47
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:03,394
- I'm a little nervous.
-Gary, I'm the one getting married.
48
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,232
You just have to hand me the vows, okay?
49
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,602
- It's not the Olympic torch.
-GARY: I did the playlist too.
50
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,733
Would you like me to mold the cake
into a pair of testicles for you, Gary?
51
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,902
- GARY: Okay, easy.
-See what everyone's gifting us?
52
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,311
<i>"Some New Beginnings:
Our Next American Journey.“</i>
53
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,906
- DAN: Really well written, by me.
-They think it's funny.
54
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,679
Selina's never been away
so long without us before.
55
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,151
I guess this is what it's gonna be like
56
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:23,812
when our kids go to
college too, huh, sweetie?
57
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,912
Yeah, dream the fuck on, Dan.
58
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,319
I'm only being nice to you because I know
59
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:28,916
that Selina's gonna make me
the campaign manager.
60
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,861
There is no campaign until the president
tells the world he's not running again.
61
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,325
Yeah, but when is that gonna be?
62
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:34,490
Christ, it's been two months already.
63
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:37,535
Unless POTUS is chiseling his fucking
statement out of marble, I don't get it.
64
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,297
Dan, Dan, Dan! Inside voices.
65
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,339
Mike's marrying a reporter.
They're everywhere.
66
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:42,771
- Yeah, everywhere.
-(SCOFFING) Okay, okay.
67
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,001
Wow, look at you, Dan.
68
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,168
You have more nervous tics
than a shoe-bomber.
69
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,641
SELINA: Thank you.
70
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,305
Yes, please come forward.
71
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,677
Oh, wow. Look at this. You've got an iPad.
72
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,945
- Could you sign it?
-Okay.
73
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,048
I'm not sure... Maybe we'll find...
74
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,213
Sign the back.
75
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,721
Oh, do you want me to sign...
But look here, it's...
76
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:03,158
That way, it's all your books
are signed by the Vice President.
77
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:07,154
Hi. Oh. What is this? ls this butter?
78
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,564
In the shape of the great state of Iowa.
79
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,029
- Oh.
-If it melted, would it become Texas?
80
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,468
(CHUCKLES)
81
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,408
This is an absolutely
82
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:19,477
stunning butter sculpture.
83
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,377
- Thank you.
-So, let's tweet a picture of that.
84
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:24,073
- Lock that caucus-goer down.
-Yeah.
85
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,481
And then let's find
a refrigerator to put that in.
86
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,917
You know, butter doesn't
need to be refrigerated.
87
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,988
It can be unrefrigerated or refrigerated.
88
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:32,251
That's not true.
89
00:03:32,345 --> 00:03:33,722
I think it's like a fruit that way.
90
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:34,815
No.
91
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,589
Are you getting this? Rumor of a rumor.
92
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:40,187
Is this POTUS finally announcing
he's not gonna run for re-election?
93
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,927
Well, whatever it is, I'm hearing
the West Wing is abuzz
94
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,195
like a fly in a shithouse.
95
00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:47,568
- Hi.
-Phone bowl.
96
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,572
- Come on, put it in.
-DAN: Oh, I'm not even using it.
97
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,109
I want the camera so I can
get pictures of this magical day.
98
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,542
Either you put your phone in the phone bowl
99
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,943
or I put it in the punch bowl.
100
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,207
Isn't she funny? We crack up all the time.
101
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,908
Even when we're having sex.
102
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,678
You guys, I've been a reporter for 18 years.
103
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,187
If anything breaks, I promise
I will put it into the vows.
104
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,716
(CLEARS THROAT) Amy, phone in the bowl.
105
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,225
No, no, I can't.
106
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,521
MIKE: It'll be 40 minutes' tops.
107
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,790
Come on. What if you were
marrying the man of your dreams? Ahh!
108
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,423
Okay, okay, I'm doing it. I'm just...
109
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,263
- Just let me...
-MIKE: Look at those white little knuckles.
110
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,529
(AMY CHUCKLES)
111
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,432
Freedom!
112
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,741
It's like losing a limb.
I can feel a phantom phone ringing right now.
113
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,401
You look gorgeous.
114
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,603
WENDY: Thank you.
115
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,373
Is that lip shade coral blush?
116
00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:30,445
Yes, it is. Wow.
117
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:33,040
- Nicely applied.
-I like him.
118
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,947
I want to keep him. Can I have him, please?
119
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,543
- Okay, just for the honeymoon.
-WENDY: Oh, good.
120
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,112
He does bring baby wipes everywhere.
121
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,782
You never know if we're gonna
need 'em when we...
122
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,583
Okay. Got it.
123
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,127
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
124
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,824
Okay, the rumors something to do
with Sec Def Maddox.
125
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,756
He's making an announcement,
something big.
126
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,762
Well, thank God you packed a spare piece.
127
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,132
Amy, a good campaign manager
128
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,602
always has to think one phone ahead.
129
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,139
You're not a campaign manager yet.
130
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,764
- We'll see.
-And I'm very disappointed
131
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,470
that you have kept a secret spare phone, Dan.
132
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,637
Yes, and I likewise am
disappointed that you have not.
133
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:02,769
Amateur.
134
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,406
Thank you. Thank you.
135
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,348
Hang on just one second, please.
136
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,485
So, these rumors, right?
137
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,180
I'm getting Maddox. What are you getting?
138
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,948
I'm not getting a huge amount,
if I'm being honest.
139
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,460
- Hey, Richard, no offense...
-None taken.
140
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:17,790
-...you're a catastrophe.
-Okay.
141
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,990
Okay. So, now, you need to just call Mike.
142
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,633
You got to get to the bottom of this.
Immediately. Right now.
143
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,598
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
144
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,098
It's the Vice President.
145
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:31,505
- Hey, ma'am.
-Oh, hang on, Mike.
146
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:34,340
- No disrespect meant. It's the title.
-SELINA: Oh, clear.
147
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,038
-It is a little confusing.
-No, it isn't.
148
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,641
- It's Mike.
-Could you deal with this
149
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,981
-wonderfully honest woman?
-Sure will.
150
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,645
- Uh, Mike?
-MIKE: Hello, ma'am?
151
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:46,122
Listen, have you had a chance
to talk to any of the press guys?
152
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,050
Yes, it is a wonderful day today.
153
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:52,221
Look, you maybe want to say
hello to Wendy real quick?
154
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,526
Oh, yeah, I'd love to speak to Wendy,
very briefly.
155
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,130
It's the Vice President of the United States.
156
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,068
- WENDY: Hello?
- Hi, Wendy.
157
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,537
Congratulations.
158
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,040
Oh, thank you so much,
Madam Vice President.
159
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,076
- You've met her, you can call her "ma'am."
-Ma'am.
160
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,139
Yeah, such a happy day for both of you.
161
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:11,145
<i>It happened so fast.
Mike just makes me laugh.</i>
162
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,345
As a matter of fact, the first time we met,
163
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:15,545
<i>I was carrying this cheese Danish and...</i>
164
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,883
Then you got married. And I love that story.
165
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,080
Sorry I couldn't be there.
166
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,421
Oh, it's no problem.
You're in Iowa, and, you know,
167
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:23,687
you have to suckle Iowa.
168
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,252
- If anybody knows, I know.
- She's at a book signing.
169
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,161
How is your book signing going, ma'am?
170
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,393
Oh, it's going spectacularly well.
171
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:32,993
We've got a great team working here.
172
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,830
<i>Listen, is Mike still there?</i>
173
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,498
Mike is not.
174
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,233
Okay. Bye-bye. Thanks.
175
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,107
- Fuck.
-Hey, ma'am? Hey, it's...
176
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,373
Oh, got to go.
177
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:43,675
Going back in the bowl.
178
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,184
REPORTER ON TV:
<i>Strong rumors today there may be</i>
179
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,241
<i>a major announcement coming
from the Defense Department...</i>
180
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,787
Okay, Defense Secretary Maddox
has slipped his leash.
181
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:52,752
<i>Maddox has so far refused to comment...</i>
182
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,258
Somebody get me actual
intel from the Pentagon.
183
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,055
I feel like I'm Joe Public here. I know nothing.
184
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,528
And I don't like that feeling.
185
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,789
MAN: Would you like to go
to dinner with us later?
186
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:01,888
No.
187
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,399
WOMAN: What's your favorite word?
188
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:04,691
Next! (CHUCKLES)
189
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,535
Do you think I offended her?
190
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,270
- Can you write "To Alice..."
-Mmm-hmm.
191
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,742
"...this is to get you back"?
192
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,645
I think I need to decompress...
193
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:18,443
Absolutely.
-...just for a few seconds.
194
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,609
Understood, I'm brain-dead
just watching you.
195
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,716
That was...
196
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,119
SELINA: I'm going back to the hotel.
197
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,156
RICHARD: Absolutely.
What shall I tell these people?
198
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,317
- Oh, Gary just usually makes up an excuse.
-Okay.
199
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,285
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President
has to step out for a moment
200
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,159
to take a phone call with a senator.
201
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,788
He's having a big problem.
202
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:38,426
(STUTTERING) It's...
203
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,131
I will be back very soon. Thank you so much.
204
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:42,467
Okay?
205
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,408
(SIGHING)
206
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,312
Oh, God.
207
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:56,313
"Love is patient, love is kind.
208
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,850
-"It is not jealous, it is not pompous.
-(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
209
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:00,613
(CLEARS THROAT)
210
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,490
"It is not inflated, it is not rude.
211
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,187
(CONTINUES VIBRATING)
212
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,124
"It does not seek its own interests...
213
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,099
"It is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury,
214
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,434
"it does not rejoice over wrongdoing.
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
215
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,498
"Love bears all things, believes all things,
216
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:21,101
"sends... Love... It ends... Love never ends."
217
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,203
(CLEARS THROAT)
218
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:29,810
(BEEPS)
219
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,480
Oh, my God.
220
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,557
WENDY: I will love you more today
than yesterday,
221
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:39,327
but you are always all of my tomorrows.
222
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,293
(SNIFFS) Mmm.
223
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:44,863
I am but a satellite
224
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:48,371
caught in the gravity of your planet, Wendy.
225
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:01,579
I was headed for the fall
226
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,814
when you, Michael, gave me back my spring.
227
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,431
My official statement to the press reads thus,
228
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,866
"We are in love, come celebrate."
229
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,369
(CHUCKLES)
230
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,839
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
231
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,536
BEN: Stand aside, asshole.
232
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:28,601
SELINA: Ben?
RICHARD: You catch more flies with honey
233
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,180
than with bad language.
234
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,074
- Hi, Ben!
-Ma'am, the Chief of Staff of the President.
235
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,449
Gel out of the way, or I'll fucking inhale you.
236
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:39,187
Good to see your friendly-ish face-ish!
237
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,751
- Who?
Richard...
238
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:41,882
Oh, it's nothing.
239
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,922
Listen, you need to get me some Advil,
240
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,690
'cause I got some people in here.
241
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,093
- Okay?
-Consider it done.
242
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,292
Do you have a preference on water?
Because I'm all about Fiji.
243
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,766
Your dress is open.
244
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,701
- Oh.
-Wow. The Elk Suite!
245
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,898
Yeah.
246
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,736
What are you doing here?
247
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,276
I'm on my way to
Congressman Cowgill's funeral.
248
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:03,245
- Oh, right. Poor Rick Cowgill.
-Mmm.
249
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,773
- God, he was a 4'11" stick of dynamite.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
250
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,247
- A great man inside a small man.
-(CHUCKLES)
251
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,719
Stick one of those in Ricky's hand,
252
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,281
he would have looked
like an average-sized man.
253
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,950
Mmm.
254
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,119
So where's the team?
255
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,719
- Oh, they're at Mike's wedding.
-(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
256
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,655
I kinda miss 'em.
257
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:24,129
Oh, it's just Gary. Press ignore.
258
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:28,238
- I now pronounce you husband and wife.
-(EXCLAIMS)
259
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,399
(ALL APPLAUDING)
260
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:35,272
All right, all you single ladies...
261
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,905
I don't wanna do it.
262
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,844
JONAH: Whew! Coming through.
263
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,249
I got a jet here that could
cut a fucking diamond.
264
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:44,922
What the hell are you doing here?
You weren't invited.
265
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,522
Unless you're the worst man.
266
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,490
No, I live down the street from Pam Kendall.
267
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:49,992
Her car broke down, so I gave her a lift.
268
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,118
Pentagon Pam?
269
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,787
She give you any hint
on the Maddox announcement?
270
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,124
Nah, she didn't give me anything.
271
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,757
Except for flirty glances.
272
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,534
What's that stubby thing you got there?
273
00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,601
"WestWingMan.net"? Never heard of this.
274
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,496
Come on, man.
You're embarrassing yourself.
275
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,302
That's the hottest gossip site in DC.
276
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,944
Yeah? "Lifting the lid on
the Inter-agency Softball League"?
277
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,103
"Face to Face with America's Wind Tycoons."
278
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,049
Wow. This is some seriously
butter knife-dull shit, man.
279
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,285
No, no, no. Underneath, that's grit legit.
280
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,116
So what's WestWingMan
got on the Maddox thing?
281
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,450
Nothing yet. But he will.
282
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,822
If it ain't on WestWingMan,
it ain't no thing, man.
283
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,862
It's you, isn't it?
284
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,395
- Who told you that?
-You just did, you dummy.
285
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:32,959
- Fuck! God! Keep that under your hat.
-(CHUCKLES)
286
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,699
- Yeah. Sure.
-That's just between you and me.
287
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:38,037
- Uh-huh.
- Now if you will excuse me, I am at a wedding,
288
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,509
and women at a wedding
are like ripe fruit ready to drop.
289
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,240
And I am a sex wasp.
290
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:44,307
Gonna wash those paws, big guy?
291
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,711
Are you kidding?
My pheromones make bitches moan.
292
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,480
I'm gonna leave a trail
right back to my apartment.
293
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,055
Look at us. You pretending to be me
294
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,252
signing a book I didn't even write.
295
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,056
- That's politics in a nutsack.
-Yeah.
296
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,224
<i>New Beginnings: Our Next American Journey.</i>
297
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,824
What do you think of that title?
298
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,891
It's so full of shit,
299
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,164
there's a colon right
smack-dab in the middle.
300
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,898
Oh, God. They kept coming up
with all of these awful titles.
301
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,532
You wouldn't even have believed it.
302
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:15,171
<i>Like, Footsteps to the Future was one.</i>
303
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:18,439
Red, White and You
was actually another one.
304
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,415
<i>Yes Hands of Our Children.</i>
305
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:22,076
- What?
-It's like a massacre or something.
306
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,449
- Fuckin' sick.
-SELINA: I know.
307
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,955
I was so busy listening to these stupid fucks,
308
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:29,117
I didn't listen to this voice
in my own head saying,
309
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:32,355
"This is dog shit. Selina, this is
complete dog shit.
310
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,929
"Don't step in it, don't...
You just stepped in it."
311
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,023
Now look here, it's printed in a book,
so that's good.
312
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,760
Look, don't listen
to those DC assholes, then.
313
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,429
You're out amongst the real people now.
314
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:42,801
These are the people that you love.
315
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:45,307
- This is your thing.
-You're right. It's true.
316
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,139
So, you want to be
the President of the United States?
317
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:50,271
I want to be president. It's just that
I'm staring down the barrel
318
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,441
of 18 months of this shit, you know?
319
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:55,280
- Eighteen months, it's nothing.
-Eighteen months is not nothing.
320
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,252
Eighteen months is an entire pregnancy
321
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,618
with another entire pregnancy
tacked onto the end of it.
322
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,419
Well, I'm a pretty good strategy guy.
323
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,288
- Oh.
-I could be your midwife.
324
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,727
You know, get my hands dirty?
325
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:10,329
Um, could you go sit in that chair over there?
326
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,902
Oh, yeah.
327
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:14,164
All right, listen. Midwife me this, then.
328
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,334
Campaign manager...
329
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:17,806
Dan or Amy?
330
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,241
Look, forget about Amy, forget about Dan.
331
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,313
Two words, Bill Ericsson.
332
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:24,639
No way. He's not available.
333
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,148
He is available, all right?
334
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,809
And he's going to be at Cowgill's funeral.
335
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,580
So, let's go talk to him.
336
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,088
- Oh, my God, he's got the Midas playbook.
-Yes.
337
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,647
- He got Briggs elected...
-Twice.
338
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,089
- Twice. That's what I'm saying.
-Yeah.
339
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:36,419
So it should be easier for you.
340
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,156
- You actually have a personality.
-That's right, I do.
341
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,289
- And you never grope waitresses.
-Right.
342
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,589
All right, let's go! Let's go meet and grieve.
343
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,658
We'll meet Ericsson,
and we'll grieve little Ricky.
344
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,261
- Yeah, God rest his tiny soul.
-I know.
345
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:51,134
You know' I heard that dog picked
him up and shook him really bad.
346
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,198
(LAUGHING)
347
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,642
Ladies and gentlemen, sadly,
348
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,875
the Vice President will not
be back to finish the signing.
349
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,105
What?
350
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,675
The senator, who I mentioned earlier...
351
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:05,854
His problems have become even bigger.
352
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,520
Come on, let's go. EEOB peeps, let's go.
353
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,389
This is my last wedding. Come on.
354
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,191
Whoa, Jonah, Eisenhower people only. Go.
355
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,697
Well, then, what is Wendy
doing in the photo, Mike?
356
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,232
- She doesn't work there, does she?
-Go.
357
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:18,029
Jonah, what's the point?
You don't show up in photographs.
358
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,899
The sooner we do this,
the sooner we get it done.
359
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:21,869
Right? The sooner we do this,
the sooner we get it done.
360
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,304
- Okay?
-AMY: Yeah, yeah.
361
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,969
-(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
-5D? I've got a 1D.
362
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,200
(SIGHS)
363
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,973
You keep a second phone there?
364
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,638
Hypocritical. And horny.
365
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:34,014
PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, one, two...
-Shit on my tits.
366
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,553
- Maddox just resigned.
-What, the Sec Def's gone?
367
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:39,248
Okay, okay, you can have your
phones for five minutes, guys.
368
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,655
The Wi-Fi password is "Starboard135A."
369
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,660
- Where's the phone bowl?
-I don't know where the phone bowl is.
370
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,586
- I need my primary phone.
-Shut up! Shut up, everybody!
371
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:48,056
(CELL PHONE CHIMING)
372
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,565
(GASPS) It's right here.
373
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:52,226
Is Maddox running for president?
Is that what this is?
374
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,929
Oh, I already have mine.
375
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:55,664
"Team Veep goes into meltdown
376
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,730
"as Sec Def Maddox news breaks."
377
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,741
And upload the money shot.
378
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:02,039
I hate how he learned English
from pornography.
379
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,373
Did you just post that?
380
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,847
I run a gossip-tainment site
381
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,248
and this is very gossip-taming.
382
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,350
(GROANING)
383
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:15,058
<i>Sorry, guys.
Not gonna take any questions now.</i>
384
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,390
<i>Secretary Maddox will be
making a statement later today.</i>
385
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,120
This is not a crisis.
386
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:22,529
Stop flapping your vestigial limbs around.
The line on Maddox
387
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,125
is one more old man has gone
off to play chess in the park.
388
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,299
And somebody find out
who WestWingMan is.
389
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,931
FYI, it may not be his real name.
390
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,198
(SIRENS BLARING)
391
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,266
SELINA: Looks like Maddox is making a move.
392
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,403
We're going to need Ericsson
now, am I right?
393
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,378
- Oh, yeah.
-Now more than ever. Seriously.
394
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:39,812
Dan, listen.
We're going to have to do something
395
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,749
<i>if Maddox is actually gonna run.</i>
396
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,214
Yes, ma'am, yes. I was voted
Most Likely To Do Something Now
397
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,288
-in my class yearbook.
-Just get on it.
398
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,490
- Running for what, ma'am?
-BEN: Yeah. Listen, bumpkin,
399
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,118
you blurt out anything to anyone
400
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:53,925
about Maddox running
or POTUS deciding not to run,
401
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:55,897
the closest you'll get lo a political career
402
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:59,128
will be selling Nixon masks
at a Halloween shop, okay?
403
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,631
POTUS isn't seeking re-election?
404
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:02,433
BEN: I said don't blurt. You blurted.
405
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,065
- You blurted first.
-You blurted about running.
406
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,168
-(GASPS) You're running?
-(STUTTERING)
407
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,770
Ben, can you not keep a cat
in a bag for one fuckin' second?
408
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,111
Now we're gonna have to kill him.
409
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,309
Ma'am, if you need any help
with your campaign,
410
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,444
I'm real good in a high-pressure situation.
411
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,250
Really? In what sense "good"?
412
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,450
I was all over that book line thing.
413
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,426
Yeah. I tell you what, get the driver to turn
the air conditioning on, okay?
414
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,655
'Cause I'm boiling up here.
415
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,252
I can do that!
416
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,933
- How do I do that?
-Just open the door while we're moving,
417
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,932
climb under the car like Indiana Jones,
418
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,437
pop up on the hood and write
a note on the windshield.
419
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,838
All right! Time to cut the cake, everybody!
420
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,103
- Watch out! My wife has a knife!
-(EXCLAIMING)
421
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,534
(LAUGHING)
422
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,136
I think the optimal size for each slice
423
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,875
is about a half inch for everybody, all right?
424
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,507
I got about a half inch for you.
425
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:47,947
-(LAUGHS) You exaggerate.
-Okay.
426
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,180
- Here we go.
-(ALL CHEERING)
427
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,483
Texting behind your back? Jesus.
428
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,320
- You Hendrix texting?
-Just staying ahead.
429
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,291
- That's what a good campaign manager does.
-No.
430
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,795
No, a good campaign manager, Amy...
431
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,963
Excuse me, I'm about to be brilliant.
432
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,532
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
433
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,802
You guys are just like
two little pretty Easter eggs.
434
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,202
I'd love to crack you open.
435
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,637
DAN: Hey, Hepatitis-J.
436
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:11,871
How's that pic you posted
on your blog going, huh?
437
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,875
It's a hashtag hurricane, bitch tits.
438
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,343
You don't think maybe
you should take that down?
439
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,141
You don't think you should go fist a chimp?
440
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,546
Well, it's just that you showing us panicking
441
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,483
makes it seem like the Maddox resignation
is somehow significant to us.
442
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,053
- Mmm-hmm.
-'Cause he would be a big rival for Selina...
443
00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:27,486
Ooh.
444
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:29,987
...who wants to run for president.
445
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,856
Yeah, yeah. Mmm-hmm.
446
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:35,365
Because the President of the United States
is not going to run again.
447
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:39,529
- So?
-So the president has not yet announced
448
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,003
that he's not gonna run again.
449
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,041
That's no problem. I'll just take it down.
450
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:47,577
Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you
do that before Google caches it,
451
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,011
because once that happens,
it's on there till the end of the world,
452
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:51,944
which will also probably be your fault.
453
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:55,050
- What's Google's number?
-I don't know. Ask Jeeves.
454
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:56,245
Do you know anybody at the NSA?
455
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,515
Does anybody here know
anybody at the NSA?
456
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,581
(SIREN BLARING)
457
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,752
Oh, I see you here on this sad day.
458
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,856
Okay, that's Isaac Denisov from Change.org.
She hates him.
459
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:07,920
This way, ma'am. You hate him.
460
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,125
Oh, yeah. That's the first one
you've got right today.
461
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:12,566
He's a douche. We've gotta find Ericsson.
462
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,696
I'll know when I see him.
I never forget a JPEG.
463
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,567
- Blake Stewart alert.
Madam Vice President.
464
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,940
Blake Stewart Oh, my goodness.
465
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,705
Blake won the nomination a decade ago
466
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,748
and lost disastrously.
467
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:26,948
He's gonna throw Selina off her game.
468
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,541
- Why?
-Why?
469
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,450
He's the bubonic fuckin' plague of this party.
470
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,822
- I see you're doing a book tour.
-I am, yes.
471
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,916
- Are you thinking of running?
-Oh. No, no, no.
472
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:39,620
- I'm just hawking books.
-You are gonna deny that for six years,
473
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,062
then you'll run anyway.
474
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:42,996
What was it like, the campaign, for you?
475
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:45,501
Exciting, then exhausting.
476
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,433
- Ah.
- Then I died. (CHUCKLES)
477
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,770
Joking. Kinda.
478
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,736
Well, you're out of it now' so that's good.
479
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,068
I used to think that I failed
because of my team.
480
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:57,806
- Mmm-hmm.
-I didn't have the right chief of staff,
481
00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,746
campaign manager, comms guys,
482
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,341
my then wife, but, no.
483
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,417
It was me. I just didn't have it.
484
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,917
- Well, very few of us do.
-Right.
485
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,749
- Like Cowgill.
-Poor Cowgill.
486
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,859
I kinda wish it was me in that box.
487
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:14,829
It's good speaking with you, Blake.
488
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,089
Really? Oh, thanks.
489
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,432
- I don't hear that a lot.
-Oh.
490
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,334
-(STAMMERING) Ma'am?
-Oh. Yes?
491
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:27,002
The prime minister of Scotland
is on the line right now.
492
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:29,312
-It sounds important.
-Oh, great.
493
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,706
Important, yes. Would you excuse
me for a second? Hello?
494
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,517
WENDY: Well, you know what?
495
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,485
We could consummate
this marriage right here.
496
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,454
No one would notice or give a shit.
497
00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:40,853
- MIKE: We could.
-Mmm-hmm.
498
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:42,789
MIKE: Or...
WENDY: Or?
499
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,450
We could check our phones.
500
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:45,893
WENDY: Gary?
501
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:47,396
(WHISPERING)
502
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,195
- Madam Vice President?
-SELINA: Yes?
503
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:53,736
- I was Rick's nephew.
-Are you kidding me?
504
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,863
This is Cowgill's nephew.
505
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:58,168
GARY: <i>If they tell her who they are,
you don't have to say anything.</i>
506
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:01,972
Mr. Stewart, this is the poem
we'd like you to read.
507
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:05,911
Thank you. I've prepared
some closing words, too.
508
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:09,184
I was gonna actually ask the Vice President
509
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,653
if she would like to say something.
510
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,087
No, it's fine.
511
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,753
-I'm a terrible speaker anyway.
-No, you're not.
512
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,418
Yeah. That's howl lost 49 states.
513
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,926
No. Well...
514
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,593
- Yeah. It is.
-Okay.
515
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,504
JONAH: Hey. What's going on, man?
What's crackin?
516
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,404
- We got POTUS incoming?
-May I see your White House pass, Mr. Ryan?
517
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,668
Uh, yes, sir. Absolutely.
518
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:35,007
There you are.
519
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,509
Leave.
520
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,513
- But I work here.
-Not anymore.
521
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:41,912
Sir, I think I've temporarily
lost your meaning.
522
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,050
AMY: <i>Dan, did you go running
back to the White House?</i>
523
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,282
What can I say,
524
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:47,516
reception is a little spotty at
the center of the universe.
525
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,753
The party is over, Mr. WestWingMan.
526
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,193
There is a dead guy in the pool,
and that dead guy is you.
527
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:53,354
I'm going to have to call you back.
528
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,228
Something truly wonderful has happened.
529
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:57,460
I think there's been a misunderstanding...
No, hold on.
530
00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:59,797
One, you were running a news biog
while working in office.
531
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,566
- It was gossip-tainment.
-Two, you posted a photo,
532
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:04,437
which roused the suspicions of the press.
533
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:06,372
It has been forwarded to every hack in DC.
534
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,038
That wasn't me. And I deleted it.
535
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,444
Which made it even worse!
536
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:13,039
The fact is that your post
has made it impossible
537
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,607
to sit on the POTUS' secret any longer,
538
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:17,586
so as a direct result of your actions,
539
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,618
the President of the United States
540
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:22,420
is bringing forward
the announcement to today
541
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,591
that he is not running for re-election.
542
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,787
We'll alert the networks there's
gonna be alive announcement.
543
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:30,231
Don't interrupt any major sporting
event unless it's golf.
544
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,969
And get him out of here, via his desk.
545
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:34,401
Lord knows what you'll find in there.
546
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,633
I'm sorry. I think you might be
overreacting to this.
547
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,606
No, Terrence. What am I gonna do?
Am I gonna hit him?
548
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:40,644
Sir, please, don't take this away from me.
549
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,612
The West Wing
is part of my DNA and vice verse.
550
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,579
Okay, this is a teachable
moment, and I think...
551
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:46,912
You're embarrassing yourself.
552
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,111
Sir, I don't have anything else in my life.
553
00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:52,184
- He really doesn't.
-See? Exactly. Thank you, Dan.
554
00:21:52,344 --> 00:21:54,324
- Fuck you, Dan!
-That'll be all, Mr. Ryan.
555
00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:57,155
- Sir, did POTUS okay this?
-Get him out of here!
556
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:00,461
How did you survive Blake?
557
00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:02,260
- Tell me you're okay.
-SELINA: Are you kidding me?
558
00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:05,265
That bag of wrist slits got the nomination?
559
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,665
With that face and that personality?
560
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,831
I mean, look at what I got to work with.
Where's Ericsson?
561
00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:11,340
I just heard that he bolted back to DC
562
00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:12,773
when the Maddox news came out.
563
00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:14,634
All right. Fuck it.
564
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,939
I don't need a team,
I don't need a campaign manager.
565
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:19,548
You think I got here just 'cause
I got $50 million in the bank
566
00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:21,140
-and this amazing ass?
-No.
567
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:22,274
Oh...
568
00:22:22,775 --> 00:22:24,812
All right, Cowgill was your congressman,
569
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:26,823
so give me some facts about him. Go. Now.
570
00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:28,720
- He was an amazing fisherman.
-Okay.
571
00:22:28,814 --> 00:22:30,293
And he collected beer labels.
572
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:31,987
What are you gonna do with that?
573
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:34,488
I'm going to read a poem
574
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:36,991
-by Rick's granddaughter, Maeve.
-(CAMERAS CLICKING)
575
00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:38,863
It's...
576
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,168
Well, you'll see.
577
00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:46,640
"We love you, and we'll miss your face,
578
00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:50,974
"husband, father' granddad.
579
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,209
"You made the world a better place.
580
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:56,853
"And now you left it sad."
581
00:22:58,043 --> 00:22:59,386
(ORGAN PLAYING)
582
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:11,161
(PRAYING QUIETLY)
583
00:23:22,167 --> 00:23:23,407
SELINA: Good afternoon.
584
00:23:23,869 --> 00:23:27,180
Well, I was planning on keeping this brief.
585
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,912
In fact, I was gonna say "short,"
586
00:23:29,008 --> 00:23:32,581
but I know how sensitive
Rick was about his height.
587
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:34,050
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
588
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,416
You think you've seen
the end of Jonah Ryan?
589
00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:40,620
You haven't even seen
the start of Jonah Ryan!
590
00:23:40,719 --> 00:23:42,426
I'm leaving here with my head held high
591
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:45,900
and my nuts hanging low
on your mom's chin, Martin.
592
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,268
- You got your porn stash there!
-(EXCLAIMING)
593
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,634
Any last words?
594
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:52,868
Fuck you...
595
00:23:53,532 --> 00:23:54,909
(LAUGHING)
596
00:23:55,868 --> 00:23:58,371
SELINA: Rick's life reflects America.
597
00:23:58,704 --> 00:24:00,615
He was an avid fisherman.
598
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,147
And as a congressman,
599
00:24:03,575 --> 00:24:07,785
gosh, did he know how to cast upstream,
600
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,484
to anticipate it.
601
00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:11,322
And when he got that first bite,
602
00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:13,795
whoa, did he reel it in.
603
00:24:13,919 --> 00:24:14,920
(CHUCKLING)
604
00:24:15,087 --> 00:24:17,761
He was a nuanced politician
605
00:24:17,823 --> 00:24:20,303
with a mighty big collection of beer labels.
606
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:21,894
(LAUGHING)
607
00:24:22,594 --> 00:24:23,732
I'll be back.
608
00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:27,237
-I'm gonna be back as the fucking president.
-(LAUGHING)
609
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,905
Jonah Ryan, 2026!
610
00:24:30,169 --> 00:24:31,739
That's a mid-terms year, Jonah.
611
00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:33,249
JONAH: Well, then, I'll change it!
612
00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:35,682
I'm gonna miss you, Rick Cowgill,
613
00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:37,682
fisherman,
614
00:24:38,577 --> 00:24:39,920
congressman,
615
00:24:40,779 --> 00:24:42,122
American.
616
00:24:42,281 --> 00:24:43,692
(ALL APPLAUDING)
617
00:24:49,254 --> 00:24:51,291
Well, I blew the fuckin' roof off
of this church, didn't I?
618
00:24:51,357 --> 00:24:52,665
They loved that beer labels anecdote.
619
00:24:52,758 --> 00:24:54,260
SELINA: Why would anyone collect those?
620
00:24:55,094 --> 00:24:56,334
Yeah?
621
00:24:56,628 --> 00:24:58,437
Maddox canceled his statement,
622
00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:00,702
because POTUS is going to make one.
623
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:02,370
The big one.
624
00:25:02,468 --> 00:25:04,004
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
625
00:25:04,103 --> 00:25:06,174
I'm never ambiguous, ma'am.
Not even sexually.
626
00:25:06,438 --> 00:25:08,884
Ben! I love politics.
627
00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:10,954
- Me too, ma'am.
-Ma'am?
628
00:25:11,043 --> 00:25:12,113
- Yeah?
- I've got Dan.
629
00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:14,054
Oh, Dan. Hey, Dan.
630
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,159
Ma'am. Yes, the Maddox statement.
631
00:25:16,215 --> 00:25:18,320
Yeah. I know, POTUS is
about to make a statement.
632
00:25:18,384 --> 00:25:20,022
Ben just told me.
633
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,559
Well, did he tell you that it was
because a lot of people saw a post
634
00:25:22,654 --> 00:25:25,965
-that Jonah made that I forwarded?
What? You did this?
635
00:25:26,125 --> 00:25:28,833
Well, I don't like to toot my own horn, but...
636
00:25:29,395 --> 00:25:31,705
(MIMICS HORN BLOWING)
Yes, yes, I did.
637
00:25:31,797 --> 00:25:33,970
And just like that, Jonah is gone, forever.
638
00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:36,843
Well, all my orgasms have come at once.
639
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:39,414
- That's fantastic. Um...
<i>- Yeah, yeah.</i>
640
00:25:39,505 --> 00:25:41,507
Now, listen, ma'am, I wanted to ask you...
641
00:25:42,574 --> 00:25:44,212
- Yeah?
-...would you do me the honor
642
00:25:44,309 --> 00:25:46,550
of making me your campaign manager?
643
00:25:46,645 --> 00:25:48,556
Oh, I've gotta go. Thank you, Dan.
644
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:50,687
(STUTTERS)
645
00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:52,652
All right, Richard...
646
00:25:53,652 --> 00:25:55,495
Listen, I want to tell you...
647
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:58,034
No, thank you, ma'am.
648
00:25:58,424 --> 00:25:59,835
Until tomorrow.
649
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:01,565
What? Tomorrow?
650
00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:03,264
Book tour, day six.
651
00:26:03,362 --> 00:26:04,841
Cedar Rapids, here we come.
652
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:07,002
SELINA: Oh, Jesus Christ. I hate politics.
653
00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:09,211
(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING)
654
00:26:18,777 --> 00:26:20,688
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. Come here.
655
00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:22,750
- Remember that Jonah guy?
Jonah?
656
00:26:22,848 --> 00:26:25,522
- Oh, the seven-foot mouth?
-Yeah. Look at this.
657
00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:26,958
<i>What if I give out the Wi-Fi password</i>
658
00:26:27,052 --> 00:26:28,861
<i>out to everybody on
Pennsylvania Avenue, huh?</i>
659
00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:32,059
Oh, God. Are you kidding me? He's gone!
660
00:26:32,224 --> 00:26:34,226
This is the best day of my life!
661
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,800
- On. (CHUCKLES)
-(MUSIC STOPS)
662
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:37,768
(AMY WHINING)
663
00:26:37,863 --> 00:26:39,433
- Hey.
-AMY: Come on!
664
00:26:39,531 --> 00:26:41,135
GARY: Ladies and gentlemen,
665
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,142
Vice President Selina Meyer!
666
00:26:44,236 --> 00:26:46,216
Whoo! You should be here!
667
00:26:46,305 --> 00:26:48,478
SELINA: <i>I wanted to say a few words</i>
668
00:26:48,574 --> 00:26:50,110
<i>and speak very frankly.</i>
669
00:26:50,209 --> 00:26:52,246
I was gonna say "baldly,"
670
00:26:52,311 --> 00:26:55,815
but I know how sensitive Mike is
about his hair.
671
00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:57,560
(ALL LAUGHING)
672
00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:01,064
<i>We all know how much Mike loves his boat.</i>
673
00:27:01,487 --> 00:27:02,591
And I'll tell you something.
674
00:27:02,654 --> 00:27:04,565
If he ever chose to fish,
675
00:27:04,890 --> 00:27:08,497
I know that he'd be able to cast upstream,
676
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:13,004
to anticipate,
and at that very first bite, reel it in.
677
00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:15,911
<i>-'Cause that's the kind of guy that Mike is.</i>
- Aw.
678
00:27:16,168 --> 00:27:18,079
Oh, gosh. I'm going to miss him...
679
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:21,277
...when he goes on his honeymoon.
680
00:27:21,607 --> 00:27:24,588
<i>So, here's to Mike and Wendy.</i>
681
00:27:24,910 --> 00:27:26,583
"Some New Beginnings:
682
00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:30,153
"Their Next American Journey"!
683
00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:34,797
(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING)
684
00:27:37,318 --> 00:27:47,318
<b><font color=#004F8C>Ripped By mstoll</font></b>